#their relationship arc was the key focus of thanks to them for a reason. there wasnt a single thing about how that arc was done

[crimeronan]

god it's a hard life for someone who doesn't super care for (but also doesn't mind) brother-sister designations for luz and hunter & is now having to read people griping about them not explicitly canonically sharing a guardian. as if their parentage has literally anything to do with why they're family. maybe i'm just old or maybe it's because almost no one i know has a good enough relationship with their parents for them to factor into any found family dynamic at All but. it's like. once again. here i am. forced to die on the hill of. Guys. You.... You Know That There Are.... Committed Life Partnerships That Aren't Marriage Or Siblinghood.... Right....? You Guys Know That Hunter And Luz Are Family Because They're Each Other's People And Chose Each Other And Adore Each Other And That It Was An Entire Excellently Done Arc And It's Completely Unrelated To Traditional Nuclear Family Dynamics.... Right?

[madcatlad]

I just came to a angst realization....

(Thank you to @shirazens for allowing me to use their comment)

I literally just came to this conclusion in a comment threat under my "Aaron Needs Friends" post with @shirazens .

In summary Aarmau comes off as unnatural

I think the main issue is how rushed and force the relationship was in the series, and the fact that it change key elements in the story to make a place for itself.

The Aarmau agenda also had to down other characters to build itself up, which sucks. A lot of character assassination stem from Aarmau. Including the way Aphmau interacts with her support. But I'd like to focus on how unnatural (and frankly problematic) this relationship comes across if you actually pay attention to how they interact with eachother.

And their relationship is certainly off.

@shirazens

THIS is why I've always disliked his character, he felt so disconnected.

also he continues to constantly mourn his past wife WHILE getting closer to aphmau which feels like to me he was just using her if that makes sense?

Their relationahip has always come across as strange.

In my former post I address a portion of this problem with Aaron not having any relationships outside of Aphmau. It is odd.

Aaron- despite being so closed off and mysterious and (quite rude in some instances), CONTINUED to follow her group around for months...but NEVER take an interest in ANYONE??? Except Aph. That is mad weird. If you like her so much to risk your life for her consistently why avoid her Support System so adamantly???

It makes the relationship seem very strange. Almost like Aaron is isolating Aphmau from her friends when building their relationship. They only really talked about his trauma or her stress-

Aaron and Aphmau are TRAUMA BONDING...

It hit me like a train! It isn't romance, it isn't a love story. It is codependency!

Aph ONLY goes to Aaron when she is stressed about her responsibilities. "Because he understands". And in turn Aaron's only personality trait is trauma- and he only really opens up to (or talks at all) to Aphmau. Think about it, this man is FOLLOWING her- for seemingly NO REASON by time the Post-Irene-Dimension arc roles around! "Having nothing" isn't really a logical reason anymore. He had NO motive to be present. He's made no connections, no character growth, no earthly ties, so WHY are you following the 🎆"magical friendship woman"🎆 if you don't want to make friends???

And I think this is great writing potential. This makes sense for the storyline in season two, as Aph was extremely overwhelmed, and the steaks had just risen from village quarrels to Armageddon. And I definitely can see where @shirazens was going with the how Aaron saw Aphmau, as a stand in or familiarity to his wife, or that he was using Aphmau to get a semblance of his late wife, Lily.

Personally I'm not amongst the re-write clan of aph-fans, (I prefer to progess with the shit show we were given). But this is a juicy narrative to explore for both, especially if you don't want to throw out Aarmau all together.

If you want to get angsty, you could argue that Aaron being so distant to Aph's support group was to isolate her from them. Again, this fits, and I am well aware Jesson did not intend this BUT Aphmau DID become a lot more distant to her companions for Aaron's sake. She became dismissive of their concerns, argued with their suspicions, and lowkey berated them because "she trusted him" and expected everyone to follow suit (fr a lot of them were so real for that, homie was acting up- ahem- Laurence- ahem- Katelyn). She put Aaron on a pedestal out of nowhere, and vouched for him undeservingly. You could argue that this was a result of isolating her, you could argue that this was just Aph blindness to Aaron's faults.

And this also really REALLY fits well with the Irene VS Shad motif and how that entire mess went down between them. I can totally see those two being codepent with one another as well with their similar struggles and pain. I can see them relying on one another too heavily. I can see that leading to suck strong feelings of betrayal. Especially if Shad was as isolated as Aaron. In fact I'd say Irene and Shad damn near prove this idea.

Fun right?

[dreamsclock]

I got more questions for the spiderverse/dsmp crossover:

1. Who did each Spiderperson lose?

2. What are each Spiderperson's extra powers?

YESSSS YES THANK U!!!!

1. every version of dream must lose three people: george, sam, and alyssa. he usually loses sapnap too, but this is touch-and-go.

alyssa is the first significant person he loses way before everything, and when she leaves the server, or dies, or disappears, it’s dream’s first hint that he needs to bring the server together. it’s what alyssa would want. it’s what’s right.

george is next — and it’s always accidental, never fully planned, because no matter what schemes dream makes, george always surprises him in every timeline by changing this. for c!dream, it’s the dethronement arc: for m!dream, m!george was killed by m!eret right around the time m!dream discovered the other timelines. for other timelines, it’s death, it’s betrayal, it’s falling into a deep slumber, becoming a god … either way, dream has to lose george. it pushes him into the final arc.

the final person every dream must lose is sam. brave sam, strong sam, sam who loves and cares about him. the difficult part is that this method of “losing sam” never changes. it always starts with the prison. it always ends with the breakout. their relationship changes across the timelines, and m!sam is the only person that m!dream cannot speak about. he has an unhealthy fascination with c!sam in our canon server, one he can’t quite let go of.

tommy also has to lose three people: very specifically, three mentors/heroes. it varies across worlds. it’s always wilbur, but the other two range between dream, schlatt, techno, philza, and some server members that change from timeline to timeline — captainsparklez, deo, etc. one time the mentor he lost was george. this fucked tommy and dream up, and, in that universe, tommy killed dream to avenge george’s accidental death.

it’s varied, but three things remain for any tommy.

he must lose three mentors across three different key moments in his life.

he must always lose one of them in an accident of his own making.

wilbur is always the first one he loses, and the one that can never come back.

other server members have their own canon events / losses too!! for sam, it’s always dream. for bad, it’s always skeppy.

2. to make up for the long ass answer above, this one is short !! each server is different. some are vanilla minecraft, some origins, some have admin dream, some are superpowered, some hardcore, some peaceful. it all depends. the main universes i focus on — m!dream’s universe, and our canon one with c!diskduo — don’t have any superpowers, other than the fact m!dream has access to the multiverse through a glitch in the revive book.

c!wilbur has the power of knowledge. of foresight. the void showed him everything: it’s why he’s never allowed to come back to life. but for some reason, c!dream brought him back. and he intends to find out why — and make m!dream’s life a living hell in the process.

[bigskydreaming]

Re: that post about Dick and Jason’s similarities in character trajectory and how this reflects in their dynamics with Bruce pre-ADITF, part of why I think its significant that their arcs read more like parabolas to me is because yes, they both started out bitter, angry and untrusting but that was like....in general. At the whole world. After living with Bruce they were able to work through and past that in a lot of ways.....until they both started ‘regressing’ in the sense that they were regularly angry, abrasive with him, constantly questioning or second-guessing his orders.

But the key part of this was THIS WAS NEVER REGRESSION. This wasn’t them reverting to the way they were when Bruce first came into their lives.

BECAUSE THEY WERE ONLY ANGRY WITH BRUCE.

Like, Dick and Jason weren’t running around being aggro-rage maniacs picking fights with everyone they could see. They weren’t regularly having the same fights with him with Alfred as well, Jason wasn’t getting in fights with the pricks at school, no adult heroes Dick interacted with where like yikes, Bruce, what’s up with Kid Numero Uno.*

There was a specific, directed focus to their anger at the tail end of their tenure of Robins, and like, Bruce, honey, that focus was you. YOU were the root common denominator here, you and your approach with them, the way you responded to their attempts to question you or chafed at your directives.

At a certain point, when you’re the world’s greatest detective, you kinda have to apply some of that critical thinking & deductive reasoning here and wonder if maybe just maybe it could be your approach that’s the problem, if you’re the fly in the ointment here. And NOT doing that, at least not on the surface level while your usual self-doubts and insecurities which you try so hard from even your closest loved ones and confidantes run round and round in your head like they’re on a hamster wheel.....ironically leads to YOU being repressed and doubling down on your conviction that you weren’t the problem, at least not the main one, you TRIED, the issue was just.....

Dick should have never been Robin. Jason should have followed orders. They both should have been less reckless. Etc, etc.

When really all along, the chorus resounding in Bruce’s head while his lips shaped accusations at Dick and Jason’s memory, was.....

‘You should have listened to them when it actually could have made a difference, but there’s no point now, we’re past that and there’s only pain left here now.’

*The exception here is Dick, actually, and depends largely on where specifically you focus on canon here because as much as I don’t think I personally ever see it brought into fics from this particular angle - as in, not even brought up for angst but more to examine how this specifically could have eroded his relationship with Bruce - from certain angles, the Church of Blood’s conditioning really could be a factor in the dissolution of his relationship with Bruce between the end of his Robin years and early Nightwing years. 

Thanks to the way the Crisis on Infinite Earth retcons ended up compressing a lot of stuff, technically the brainwashing....which HAS been specifically cited as leading to Dick lashing out around him a lot and being angry and abrasive with his teammates on the Titans while he was under it as well....like, it was stated that the brainwashing happened the first time the Church got their hands on him and the other Titans way back when Terra was still on the team, before The Judas Compact. Aka when Dick was still Robin. 

Now the compression thing matters here because originally, Dick and Bruce were fine when he became Nightwing, it was completely unrelated to them having any issues at all. But by the time NTT brought back the Church of Blood as a major threat and retconned the brainwashing -

- (retconned in the sense that it likely wasnt planned out from that first story about them, since the anger issues they talked about Dick having only started appearing regularly in the six issues or so leading up to the reveal of the brainwashing....so the brainwashing itself wasn’t a retcon, it was a story point with buildup, but it did INVOLVE retconning in the sense that it pointed back to that earlier point in the timeline and used it as an anchor/reference point which retroactively fit everything that happened in between those two points as happening under the umbrella of his brainwashing arc) - 

- anyway, by the time the Church of Blood came back and the brainwashing angle was introduced, Dick and Bruce DID have a much more contentious relationship, as well as different angles to how their partnership dissolved and what their relationship had been like since then, as evidenced in the Batman issue where Dick goes to confront Bruce about making Jason Robin.

Thus, in the same vein that the Church of Blood story adds another layer you can work with if you want, in terms of Dick’s dynamics and interactions with his friends and teammates in the time covered by the brainwashing arc.....it CAN do the same thing with Bruce, its just something I haven’t seen explored often.

But because that covered time period does in fact involve Dick’s departure from Robin and early period as Nightwing, the same story point which claimed that his mind control led to his lashing out at his teammates could also be clamed as a factor in eroding his relationship with Bruce, leading to them fighting more and more until the incident with the Joker happens.

Course, it goes without saying that I’m not at all suggesting that all that be PINNED on the brainwashing arc as like, my biggest contention there has always been the scrutiny placed on JUST Dick and his actions (both by in-universe critics and readers) when so many of the referenced fights were ones we saw happen on the page, with other characters who bring their own issues into the mix, like Bruce and his problems taking criticism, or backing down, or trying to see things from the other person’s POV....like, very much had both parties equally engaged in the fight, Dick AND whomever a specific conflict was with.

That’s why to this day it drives me crazy the way the comics just had the characters ‘forgive Dick’ for his brainwashing and everything he did under the influence of it, because it would be one thing if they were just like okay we GET that there were other factors here and its not like you wanted to do it or it was all your fault, but that doesn’t mean we weren’t still affected and that we don’t have to contend with the fact that for all we knew, it was YOU that was hurting us with those words, etc.....

The problem is, THEY DID IT TOO. But the apologies were entirely one-sided, even though the fights that were referenced were decidedly NOT. And you can’t just sweep it all under the rug and move past it like, phew, glad we finally have an explanation for that, if you were just as guilty of saying and doing shit that had those fights be between equals and not like, Dick going around victimizing his teammates for several years. (Not saying that Dick didn’t start these fights, necessarily, just that once started, if others are the first to throw a punch or hurl a line they DESIGNED to get past his defenses, etc, like, this is not the same thing as in stories like where we see Tynion and Seeley writing Dick’s brothers punching him and he just takes it without complaint. And yet...)

Dick’s famously chafed dynamics with Bruce and most of his teammates during that time period can not be blamed on him and him alone, is all I’ve ever been saying there. Its not like there were concerted efforts to try figuring out what was wrong with him, what led to him lashing out....most of his closest friends just defaulted to a tough love approach, like ‘whatever’s going on with you, snap out of it’ and like, no, that was never the only option available. If Bruce thought his eldest was genuinely being a butthead, he could have put aside his own hurt feelings that his chum wasn’t being his precious, twelve year old self anymore and asked the question WHY.....even to the extent of inquiring around, has anyone else felt that Dick’s acting unusually lately?

Now obviously, due to the retcon element of this story, there was no way to change how Bruce and the Titans had been written engaging in fights with Dick, even if the motivations for those fights, on Dick’s side, were now altered by the brainwashing storyline. Its impossible to write Bruce and the Titans inquiring into Dick’s behavior with the possibility of them uncovering an underlying cause that flat out didn’t exist yet in the writers’ minds, at the time of the earliest stories there.

The problem lies with the aftermath. The way I’ve heard it so often said that the other characters were thrown under the bus by the brainwashing storyline because now they looked bad for fights that Dick was entirely a victim of.

Problem is THIS IS NOT WHAT THE ACTUAL AFTERMATH WAS, EITHER IN-UNIVERSE OR OUT.

Because like I said earlier.....the aftermath entirely revolved just around Dick saying I’m sorry for all that and everyone else just being like okay we forgive you, moving on.

You can’t claim characters were thrown under the bus when literally no scrutiny, acknowledgment or accountability is ever paid to their side of those earlier conflicts. Dick may have ‘reaped all the benefits’ of that storyline but he also reaped all the fall-out, which kinda canceled most of that out. If, as I said earlier, you acknowledge that Dick’s loved ones still have to contend with the hurt he inflicted, even if it hadn’t been his fault.....then the flip side of that is Dick himself still has to contend with everything they said and did in response, entirely of their own free will, and with no apology ever made for any of it.

I’m still desperately waiting for the day SOMEBODY writes a ‘Donna says regardless of what you said to me and why, there is zero excuse for me getting physical with you the way I did in our fight after Tamaran, you do not deserve to be remembered as the bad guy for that fight just cuz I was crying when I threw you through the wall of your own freaking apartment that you’d already asked me to leave’ story

BUT I DIGRESS.

Anyway, I’ve gotten off topic like, multiple times here as I’m wont to do, but to go back to the original point of the asterisk, I’m just saying, technically speaking, if you take non-Batman stories into consideration when writing or headcanoning about the end of Dick and Bruce’s Batman and Robin years, its not TECHNICALLY true that Dick’s anger was focused solely on Bruce. BUT in my mind, that only works if you then delve into the reason Dick was lashing out at everyone else, ie the brainwashing, and thus explore that and the Church’s INTENT to erode his bonds with those close to him, as partly a catalyst for the end of Dick and Bruce’s partnership.....because if you focus on just the Batman stories, then there are no other examples of Dick being angry other than just...at Bruce. Ie that thing where its like he wasn’t being a bitch to Alfred, he wasn’t getting more violent with criminals, etc, etc.

So. Digressions aside. Food for thought I think. I guess? Idk. Do with it what ye will.

[the-modern-typewriter]

Hi! Your writing is amazing!! Do you have any advice for writing dynamics that aren't focused on romance? I feel like every book I've read has had romance either as its central component of at least as a very big part of the plot. I've been trying to change things up a bit but they kind of seem empty. Thank you for reading!

So, obviously I don't know what you are doing instead, but...if you want a story that feels like it has the emotional punch of a romance, but you don't want a romance, you need to substitute the romantic character arcs with a platonic/familial/antagonistic arc. Basically, some other form of human connection.

You can use broadly the same formula as a romance if you like.

Savannah Gilbo identifies 6 key themes that any romance has, with some excellent case studies for deconstructing romance, here:

In short:

The Lover's Meet Scene

The First Kiss/First Intimate Moment

The Confession of Love Scene

The Lover's Break Up Scene

The Proof of Love Scene

So, from a platonic perspective, you can still have characters meet, grow closer, make some declaration of friendship/solidify the friendship, go through a fight and reaffirm how much the friendship means to them by the end. You can still have characters who change one another - making the other better or worse as a person, as they grow and learn and shift in response to their interactions.

The point is less the specific details of the scene, and more the larger shape of the relationship changing throughout the story (in a longer work - for something short you can pick a key moment you want to focus on, as an example). The reason romances have the 'will they won't they' for example is because it sustains tension when done right. It's the same reason why a traditional antagonist is nearly defeated at the midpoint/loses at the midpoint and everything gets worse, before victory is finally achieved. There is a push/pull effect.

It doesn't matter what the specific relationship is, it just has to matter to the story. Ergo. If they can't resolve their conflict, what are the consequences? What does the protagonist have to lose? This is true for sideplot character relationships too! A side plot should contribute towards the main story. You shouldn't be able to cut it out and have the main conflict play out in the same way. For example, if you have a friendship base, how does the big battle go if (after the argument they had about dealing with said conflict) the protagonist charges out to angrily defeat their enemies alone? Or if their friend doesn't show when the protagonist thinks they will?

Does this mean that all character dynamics in a long story have to change? No. But if the character dynamics between two characters do not change, then that relationship is probably not a central part of your story.

Which is fine.

Not all stories need to have a driving character dynamic. But if you are wanting the same 'feeling' as a romance and feeling like the writing is otherwise empty, it may be because you need to up the emotional stakes in another area.

(Even if it's not a relationship...what does your protagonist care about as much as the relationship in a typical romance? They need to want something bad.)

[desuke13]

My thoughts for Mitsuki (MitsuSara)

What I like the most about Mitsuki’s development is when he goes from this:

to this:

I do know that SP made the anime version better by changing Mitsuki’s original dialogue from manga. But I don’t think it’s going too far since the main purpose still same: 

Mitsuki wants to tell Boruto not to leave Sarada by herself.

For their common good.

The only difference was in anime Mitsuki told Boruto the fact immediately, while in manga he guilt trip Boruto so he can found the right answer by himself. We can see this hint as platonic development of their friendship, but it does has potential to become more.

As we all know, this moment was the start of everything. I personally think MitsuSara interactions change to more intense than before and I love how they look so natural with each other just like a normal friend should be. Mitsuki becomes more human and less obsession with Boruto. He definitely act like what he said to Boruto, “To move by his own free will.”  and don’t forget it’s a conclusion that he got after so many experiences from previous arcs.

After that we could see how Mitsuki independently move without following Boruto everywhere and often in screen with Sarada than him. We could also thank Kawaki for that since the show start to focus on him and Boruto. Though, the development in MitsuSara showing a major impact as they become closer and no one can deny how they completing each other in every aspect. Especially in personality and fighting style as combo. They are perfect in their own way.

And now the real question is: 

“Where are their relationship heading?”

I’m sorry if I messed up the order, I hope you’ve got my points. 

Yes, we have more screen than these.

It’s interesting how we could see Mitsuki choose to be with Sarada most of the time when at the beginning he said he’s only came here for Boruto. I won’t deny Mitsuki’s main focus still his “sun” but we can’t overlook the fact that now he’s more open minded and start to realize who is his comfort zone. Mitsuki has recognize Sarada as his closest friend, aware with her true potential, and always stand by as her support.

We could even see them babysitting Kawaki and Boruto together lmao.

From previous battles that made Mitsuki almost destroyed his body, it’s clear that he’s no longer a puppet that only following the instruction from his parent. He has will, he choose his own path, and he wants to protect his friends--not only the sun. Uzumaki Boruto is part of the reason he believe in his own will. But I think we could expect the key for Mitsuki’s change of heart is Uchiha Sarada.

Let’s hope we would see that soon.

Thanks for the blessing, mom.

[muichiroslover]

Disclaimer!!

This fic includes a Manga spoiler

From the manga “Tokyo Revengers” if

You aren’t that caught up and don’t

know the events then you’ve been warned!!!

Also this fic doesn’t follow the exact

timeline of Tokyo revengers!

Without further ado then

[spoilers from the Valhalla arc]

G/n= gang name

(Also yes i lazily borrowed characters from Genshin💀) + trust me to the end guys😭

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

The wind blew and your hands shook as you looked down at your boyfriends cold turning body, it felt like the world around you was spinning, your ears were ringing and your hands stained in the god awful red color of blood

“Kei, Kei please- please you-you have to get up, come on come on baby” you said in a shaky tone as your boyfriends head laid in your lap, his eyes barely lidded open, it was a cold day

He reached his hand up to you, it landed on your cheek as you put your hand over it in a desperate try to keep him here with you

Tears cascaded down your cheeks as your mouth clenched in anger sadness and grief

“I’m sorry...I thought I could do it..” he said hoarsely and you shush him telling him to save his energy until the ambulance could make it

He laughed, his laughter turning into a fit of coughs as blood shot out his mouth

“I’m not making it out babe..” he says and you shake your head “shut up Keisuke you always say the worse things at the wrong time” you cry as you hold onto the cold hand on your cheek

He smiled up at you, fangs showing and all as his eyes began to go dull

“I love you” he says and your eyes widen noticing how his hold on you started getting limp

“Kei! Kei I love you so much! I love you too so-so please d-dont do this” you pleaded and he slowly closed his eyes as he muttered one last thing to you

Your eyes widen as his hand goes limp on your cheek and his eyes fully close, he laid peacefully on your lap as the world fell silent

You didn’t get to grieve long as your vice captain ran up to you, pulling you

“Come on y/n! The cops are coming quickly we have to go!” He shouted, you seemed lost as he dragged you away from your beloved, Kazutora taking your place as he looked at you apologetically

“Come on boss!” Kazuha groaned as you weren’t exactly cooperating, tears streamed down your face as you turned around as you and Kazuha bolted to your motorcycles

You got on quickly as you started your engine, your team following quickly, you took once last glance at Baji and Kazutora as you gritted your teeth and drove off as the sounds of sirens approached

As you drove your head felt as if it was spinning and as if the sky itself was about to collapse on top of you, and you couldn’t stop it

Your mind just kept thinking of him

Baji Keisuke

Your beloved since childhood, no matter how much it hurts he’s gone now, he won’t ever sneak through your window at 3am to sleep

He won’t ever come over when his moms not home so you can cook for him

He won’t ever come over again to tell you about another stray cat he saved

It will never happen again

And that’s painful

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been about 6 days since the bloody Halloween incident, your members could see the way you would seem lost or empty during meetings

The way your eyes would loose focus then tune back in at the last minute

They felt helpless as their leader seemed to fall apart in front of them

You sighed as a knock came at your door, you got up from the couch of your house and opened the door to see your first division captain

“Xiao, whats the problem?” You ask as you invite him in

“Someone wants to meet with us, he originally got thrown out of Toman and is asking to join up with us” he says as he stands in front of your body that had just sat back down

“Alright, who is this person?” You ask

“Kisaki Tetta I believe was his name, he was accompanied by a man named Hanma as well, he was at the bloody Halloween incident as Valhalla” he explains, you stare at him

“Okay, where did he wish to meet?” You ask and he hands you a paper that had an address on it

You stare at it blankly then look up

“Who’s free?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You rode your motorcycle with a blank expression as Xiao, Kazuha, Chongyung, and Beidou rode behind you

“Y/n are you sure this is a good idea? Mikey must’ve kicked him out for a reason, shouldn’t we at least check with-“ Kazuha began as he aligned his motorcycle with yours

“Kazuha, eyes on the road” was all you said as you sped up, he sighed as he followed you without any other comments

You guys stopped in front of an abandoned warehouse as you hopped off your bike

“This isn’t sketchy at all..” Chongyung says and you sigh as you step into the warehouse, your members following close behind

As you stepped in you saw two boys standing in the center, one with glasses and one unbelievably tall with tattoos on his hands

You walked in until you stopped in front of the two boys

It stayed silent until you sighed putting your hands in your pocket

“So, you say you want to join g/n?” You ask bluntly and the tall guy laughs throwing his head back

“Straight to the point, I like her!” He says and your eyes don’t leave Kisaki’s

“Yes, I wish to make g/n stronger, with my help and the extra members I believe we can make g/n the strongest gang in Japan” he says and your dead eyes stare blankly at him before you smile

“Alright, welcome to the gang” you say

“Huh?! Y/n?!” Kazuha says grabbing your shoulder, your head falls back as you two make eye contact, the silence deadly

He lets you go as you turn your attention back to Kisaki and Hanma, both of them smiling or more like smirking

“I’m Hanma, this is Kisaki, glad to be here boss!~” Hanma says extending his hand to you, you look at his hand that had the word “Sin” on it

“Glad to have you” you say as you shake his hand

And with that the mini meeting ended and you began to head home, you parked your bike on the side of the house and opened your door, you closed it and as soon as you did someone pinned you

Your eyes met with red ones

“Kazuha” you spoke and he backed off

“Let’s have a chat” you say

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You stood in front of the entirety of your gang on the stage of your little meet up area, Kazuha sat on a crate one step below you and Kisaki and Hanma stood on the slowest part of the stage

Your members talked in whispered voices as they talked about the two boys

“Alright alright quiet down” you said after finishing a conversation with Kazuha, crossing your arms you began

“These two boys, Kisaki and Hanma are now proudly apart of g/n” you say loud and clear with no expression to your face

“What??!”

“Weren’t they there during that day??”

“Why would they join?”

“Quiet” you say and in an instant the whispers stop

“I hope you treat them with respect and how you would treat any other member, they will help g/n grow and become stronger” you say and nobody says anything

“With that, I end this meeting, thank you all” you finish as everyone begins to disband, you watch as your second division captain, Beidou signals you over

You nod at Kisaki and Hanma as you step down and jump off the stage, you follow her to a closed off area and with a second glance she looks at you like your crazy

“Y/n?? What’s all of this? We can’t trust those two, I don’t know why but I get a bad feeling please reconsider this..” she says to you and you stare at her blankly as your ears perk

You sighed

“Beidou, this was my decision alone, I didn’t get manipulated and I’m not tricking anyone, I genuinely don’t even know what to do with g/n anymore so I accepted Kisaki and his group to larger our numbers for now, please trust me and trust Kisaki”’ you say and her eyes widen as her mouth falls open

“Wha-“

“Alright I’m tired Beidou, please get home safe” you say and with that you left a bewildered Beidou alone at the wall as she watched your leaving figure

The weeks had continued as normal, you and Kisaki getting close enough to the point that you would invite him over your house

Your members had noticed your sudden closure with Kisaki and were worried that you were looking for someone to comfort yourself over a certain persons death and found the worse possible candidate to rebound to

So imagine there surprised when you announced you and Kisaki had gotten together, everyone tried to talk you out of it, everyone

“Y/n please, I know your grieving but Kisaki??” Xiao says and you sigh as you run a hand through your hair, tears brimmed your eyes

“Xiao please, for the first time since Baji’s death I feel comforted, safe, loved, please can you guys see from my point of view for one second” you say looking up at him as a tear rolled down your cheek

Xiao opened his mouth then closed it, he repeated this action once or twice before signing, with his eyebrows furrowed he looked at you

“Alright Y/n...just please don’t do anything stupid” he says and you smile at him

“Of course not Xiao, I’m not stupid” you say and he hesitatingly nods as he takes his leave from your house, you listen as the door closes and you sigh as you wipe your eye and grab your cup of coffee sipping it

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s been quiet still, no gangs are trying to brawl or anything” Chongyung reports to you and you nod

“Good, then I suppose we can take a break, I heard a festival was around the corner” you say to him and he nods

“Yeah there is, are you going with Kisaki?” He asks leaning back on the chair in your house, you put your foot on the bottom of the chair as you slam it to the ground, you stare at Chongyung before smiling

“Yes I should ask him if he would like to go” you say and he looks at you before nodding agreeing with you

Chongyung was one of the few who didn’t question your relationship with Kisaki, not because he wasn’t worried but because he trusts you with every fiber of his being, you don’t do things for no reason

If this was what you wanted who was he to say otherwise?

“Then I’m gonna leave now, tell me how your date goes with Kisaki” he says as he gets up from the chair, you nod as you get up and walk him out

“Bye then” you say and he waved as he leaves, you go back in and sit down as you pick up your phone and dial a number

“Kisaki hey, can you come over?” You speak into the phone cheerfully as the boy on the other side of the phone hums and hangs up

You put the phone down as your blank stare shifts to your room, getting up you open your bedroom door, you look at the photos of you and Baji that were still hung up and the pictures of you Mikey, Baji ,Draken, Kazutora, Mitsuya and Pah chin as kids, life was so easy back then

You grab one photo of Baji smiling and smile at it, you kiss it once and then begin taking off all the pictures from your bulletin board

You open a draw and throw the pictures in and close it, you grab one picture, it’s of You Kisaki and Hanma and hang it up

You stare at it before there’s a knock on your door, without a second glance to the bulletin board you leave the room and head towards the door

You opened it and smiled at Kisaki, he looked at you as you stepped to the side to let him in, he walked in and sat down on the couch as you followed and sat next to him

“So what’s up?” He asks boredly and you beam at him

“Let’s go to the festival together” you say and he looks at you with a slight raised eyebrow

“Pleasee, it’ll be fun I promise” you say with a kind smile and tilt of your head, he sweat drops as he looks away

‘I guess I have to put up the act..’ he thinks as he looks at your gleaming eyes, awaiting his answer

He sighs

“Alright we can go..” he says and you grin at him as you grab both his hands in yours

“Thank you love! I’m so happy right now.” You say, your smile never faltering, eyes closed, grip tight around his hands

“Yeah..” he says and you let go as you turn around your smiling falling

“Oh!” You say as he turns around staring at your soft smile “what’s your favorite food? Ill make it for you” you say and he makes a face, like disgust

“Uhm, Anything is fine” he says and you nod

“The festival starts at 6 tomorrow, don’t be late! I’m serious Kisaki!!” You reprimand as you push him out your door as he groans

“Yeah yeah, 6pm got it..” he says and you smile at him as you hug him and let go before he turns and leaves and you close the door

The house falls silent as you stare blankly at the door, you turn around as you head to your room

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

I think I came to realize a fundamental issue with the love square. One that's existed all the way back during Adrien's initial development after Felix.

If you look at the general timeline (which is pretty long so research is definitely needed) and see where things are changed and where they stay the same, you start to notice where the favoritism of the show actually lies. I think @imthepunchlord mentioned this before, but it's obvious that every facet of the love square was changed except for Chat Noir.

You can even see it in the PV where the changes for each character were made. Felix is basically (and as of episode Felix is confirmed to be in the eyes of the writers) an entire character that was scrapped for vague, inconsistent reasons. He was replaced by fine in concept but cardboard in execution Adrien. Marinette/Bridgette is much more upfront in her love and clearly doesn't struggle in voicing this. We don't see or have much info on how she got on with he class but let's assume that it's similar to how it is in the show. The only real change we can account for is the primary source of "comedy". Instead of putting effort into actual jokes, they sacrificed logic and character growth. Notice how in the show whenever the fake reveals happen, all her issues and anxiety conversing with Adrien magically suppress themselves unless the writing decides to be a dick. Honestly, her arc and relationship with Felix should always remain inverse to their relationship as super heroes. But then there's the other identities.

A key foundation to the appeal of the love square should be how inverse their relationship is to their civilian lives. But through either incompetence or outside meddling, they refuse to develop all sides at once like they should and instead only develop 2. Marinette's civilian life as the guardian and Chat's superhero life becoming lonely. This was stupid, because now you have two parts of the love square oblivious to any changes in their partnership/relationship. Adrien just isn't close enough to Marinette by this point to notice, again because of status quo bullshit, but Chat Noir just refuses to divulge to Ladybug his issues, which is even more stupid writing because 4 seasons in he should know better. This is what happens when stagnation is a go to writing choice. While Ladybug still rejects Chat Noir's advances, she does it in a way to not hurt his feelings too bad and doesn't dissuade him from trying again the next day (or minute in terms of the episodes). In the PV you see Chat Noir show hurt from his rejection (acknowledging that initially he only wanted her love for the kiss to break the curse but was supposed to genuinely fall in love later) and Ladybug show annoyance at his constant advances.

This post is super long but to simplify, it should've gone like this:

Ladybug <- Chat / Marinette -> Adrien to

Ladybug -> Chat / Marinette <- Adrien

with the gradual dissolving of issues like unwanted touches and constant distractions during battle (Chat) and overly obsessive behavior, not encouraged by bad friends (Marinette), and putting the love interest on a pedestal while acting out in jealousy (Chat/Marinette).

Long as post. This is my TedTalk. Thank you for reading.

Don’t worry, I get it. It’s a complicated subject to talk about.

The whole idea behind the Love Square was that all four sides would grow the longer Marinette/Bridgette and Adrien/Felix got to know each other, with or without the mask. 

But like you said, because both Marinette and Adrien are growing increasingly isolated, there’s even less development than there was before. It could easily be remedied by focusing on the other sides like Marichat or Ladrien, but they never focus on how deep their bond supposedly is unless the plot needs them to. I’m going to talk more about this in my Love Square analysis, but you still make a great point, anon.

[indigo--montoya]

1 and 10?

Hi, thanks for the ask!!

What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?*

All of them? The concept of OTPs in general? Idk I'm a multishipper

So far as popular ships go, though, there's a couple I don't really get. The one I least understand is zukka. Literally where did its huge popularity come from, if you want to ship two guys (which so far as I can tell is one of the main draws?) then, well, both sokkaang and jetko have more canon basis. Is this partly just me being salty that two ships I love that have actual canon grounding are ignored most of the time (one more so than the other) in favor of something that is pretty much a crackship? noooo (yes)

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

This part got long enough that I decided to put it under a cut.

Hmm ok, so this is a hard one. There's a few arcs I have significant issues with. The one I think I dislike most strongly is Aang's arc, though. Like, they had most of an amazing growing up arc (emotional dependence to emotional independence, it could have been so cool) all done, and then just. Completely flubbed the ending!

They started setting it up in the very first episode, when Aang sees Katara and forms an instantaneous attachment. All through Book 1 it stays a healthy relationship, where they get closer and make mistakes and work through them. There's foreshadowing for what will come later, but for now it's a good, healthy friendship.

Then in Book 2, we get the first real signs of trouble. We're shown in The Avatar State that Aang's emotional dependence on Katara has grown- he'd needed her support before, for instance when he saw his mentor's corpse, that was a completely reasonable time for him to rely on her. But here she doubtless needed more support than he did since she'd just been buried alive, and had to turn right around and calm him down instead. As Book 2 progresses, this is not addressed, and his emotional dependence on her only grows.

At the end of Book 2 is another key moment in this arc, where he's forced to begin to confront the fact that he feels like he needs Katara specifically for emotional support, as opposed to friendships in general. Book 3 doesn't do as well with this arc (hardly surprising, given what Book 3 was like in general), but there's still enough support for this arc that it feels like they could have stuck the landing with a few tweaks.

But by the end, nothing is actually resolved here, at least not in a way that makes sense. We see Aang so close to a good end to this arc at the beginning of the canon finale, and then at the very end we see an Aang who seems like he could almost be the one at the end of this arc, but there's no character development in between, just a bunch of glowing. GLOWING IS NOT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!

What really gets me here is how easy it would have been to make this an absolutely beautiful character arc, just by changing some of the details.

Change the focus from shipping to buildup for Aang learning not to use Katara as an emotional crutch, take away the kisses (especially if you want ka to be endgame), either remove Ember Island Players or completely rewrite it.

Show Aang realizing Katara isn't the perfect angel he built her up as in his head, show him beginning to accept that (the episode with Hama could be a great place to start this part, TSR is another good place to work on this stuff).

Keep him running away right before Sozin's comet, but for goodness sake give him some agency in it instead of having a lion turtle come by and hypnotize him. Have him choose to leave, with the intent to come back and fight Ozai, even kill him if he has to, but he's damn well going to try everything besides killing him first. So he waterbends his way out to a sandbar, bends himself a tiny island, and starts meditating.

He doesn't get quite the same answers from the past Avatars in this- I'm thinking Yangchen probably encourages him to look for an alternate solution, but reminds him to do what is necessary, even kill if he has to. He ends up using meditation to unblock his chakras, on a very visible time crunch because he headed to the coast of the Earth Kingdom to be sure he'd be there when Ozai arrived.

He's in the Avatar State during the fight, and in control, but it's not just ~magical glowing that does everything for him~ he has to actually fight. It's the hardest fight of his life so far- Ozai is powerful, and he's inexperienced. He's struggling, trying to hold Ozai off without killing or significantly injuring him, hoping against hope he won't have to use lethal force. Maybe at one point he hits Ozai hard enough to stun him and almost has a breakdown but then Ozai gets up.

Anyway, how the fight ends is he knocks Ozai to the ground and traps him like General Fong trapped Katara, all the way back at the start of Book 2. He doesn't use energybending and he doesn't need to, because with a little creativity (and embracing earthbending) he finds a nonviolent solution that we already knew was a thing that could happen. This should have been canon fight me

Oh and then if you're doing the ka version, instead of a kiss at the end Katara and Aang have a really sweet heart-to-heart where they both agree they're not ready for a romantic relationship yet, even though they both have feelings for each other they need more stability first and want their friendship to be a constant in a quickly-changing world. Because their friendship means the world to them.

End on a hopeful note with them holding hands, and boom! You've turned ka into something I actually like! Heck, you get the details right and you just turned ka into a ship I think about and write about and care about to a degree most would consider excessive!!

[stagefoureddiediaz]

I‘m the anon who wasn‘t looking forward to the season finale and you asked me to come back and tell you what i thought about it. Well sadly the season finale fell completely flat to me. A filler episode without any impact at all. It was so to speak a fitting finale for a (yes i stay by my opinion) wasted season. Something is srong, when important character moments happened offscreen. Once again, a repeat error, the fandom loves these moments. Yet again too much time was spent on guest (1)

Hey Nonnie

Thank you for coming back to me - Sorry its taken me a few days to get back to you - rl has been keeping me very busy!

I do agree with some of what you've said - I have said it before in asks - that KR has pacing issues in episodes she writes, and this one was no exception from that perspective. I also agree with you about too much time being taken on rescues at the expense of what we feel are important moments happening off screen. I don't have issue with the rescues taking time up in an episode, but when there is a lot of other things going on I would have maybe sacrificed one of them (probably the hair salon one) to allow other scenes to breathe and expand a little more.

However I don't feel like the finale was flat - to me it felt like the right tone to finish a season where everyone has been through the ringer -it, to me felt like a true representation of what it feels like when you come through a challenging period and are on the other side - looking forward.

I think there was a couple of good reasons why we didn't get a Buckley-Diaz family moment - the most important one being that HenRens vow renewal needed to be front and centre - as it should be. the vow renewal is actually an important touchstone in the Buddie story arc - yes Buck and Eddie might not have been sat together, but we needed to see them separately from each other - they are not yet a couple and the camera work made a point of only showing couples together, and then how each character was starting over - in the case of Buck making a pointed to choice to show his past as a part of that - before showing the firefam reunited at the very end.

If we had had a Buckly-Diaz scene, the other scenes wouldn't have carried as much weight - the wall patching especially - a scene that literally showed Buck continuing to step into the mess with Eddie and help fix things - that is the key take away from this - they are continuing to become a unit - they are strong and their relationship actually needs to be seen as separate from Christopher - in fact we have seen more Buddie scenes this season than ever before and all those scenes have shown their bond deepening - the bond with Christopher was developed earlier - now we are moving into Buck and Eddie as their own thing - away from Chris - which is important.

At this point we have no idea what they intend to do with Lucy, I remain ambivalent on her, I can understand why people don't like her, but I really don't see her as the threat some do. I remain very much of the opinion that if she was important going forward they would have made the effort to introduce her right - the 911 writers know how to do character introductions well -we have seen it with Maddie and Eddies introductions, so if she was going to become a new main - they wouldn't have introduced her as they did - if she is still around for season 6, it will probably be in the background - much like Ravi or Albert have been - the cast is crowded and now we have them all back, the focus will return to our main cast.

If the show is no longer bringing you joy Nonie you are absolutely right to step away - life is too short to fill it with things that bring you down. I will still be here, so if you want to stay in touch with the show via my blog I'm always happy to have you in my inbox - but take care of yourself otherwise and thank you for coming back to me - I've enjoyed reading your opinions.

[freddiekluger]

Why Cap Being Internally Closeted Is Not Only Possible, But Valid Representation 

i wrote this to a lot of mitski and onsind, so you can’t blame me for any feelings that bleed through

now i don’t know if it actually exists, but i’ve heard of there being a lot of discourse surrounding the captains story arc regarding his sexuality- i believe the general gist is that having a queer character that remains closeted to themselves is either unrealistic or ‘bad’ representation, and as someone who really treasures the captain and relates to his story so far a lot, i thought i might break this down a bit. 

i’ve divded up every complaint i’ve heard about this into four main questions which i’ll be covering below the ‘keep reading’, because this is gonna be pretty comprehensive. full disclaimer i reference my experiences as an ex-evangelical non binary butch lesbian a couple times, and i spent a year studying repression and the psychological impacts of high demand sexual ethics for my graduating sociology paper, so this is coming with some background to it i swear

the big questions:

can you EVEN be gay and not know it????

but isn't this just ANOTHER coming out arc, and aren't we supposed to be moving beyond those?

but if cap can't have a relationship with a man because he's a ghost, what's the point?

since cap's dead, isn't this technically bury your gays, and isn't that bad? 

1. "but is it really possible to not know? Isn't that bad representation?"

short answer: no and no.

before i get into the validity of the captain's ignorance about his own orientation as 21st century rep, let's break down how the hell the captain can be so clearly attracted to men and still not even consider the possibility that he might be gay, as brought to you by someone who literally experienced this shit.

the captain's particular situation is both a direct result of the lack of information around human sexuality he would have had (aka clear messaging that it's actually possible for him to be attracted to men. i don't mean acceptable or allowed, i mean physically capable of happening- the idea that orientations other than heterosexual exist and are available to him, a man), and a subconscious survival mechanism. the environment in which he lives is outright hostile to gay people, while the military man identity he has constructed for himself doesn't allow for any form of deviation from societal norms, let alone one so base level and major. as a result of this killer combo of information and environment, instincts take over and the mind does it's best to repress the ‘deviant’ feelings until a. one of these two things changes, or b. the act of repression becomes so destructive and/or exhuasting that it becomes impossible to maintain. the key to maintaining a long-term state of repression of desire is diverting that energy elsewhere, and a high-demand group such as the military is the perfect place for the captain to do this (this technqiue is frequented by religions and extremist ideologies worldwide, but that’s not really what we’re here to focus on). 

while the brain is actively repressing ‘deviant’ feelings (aka gay shit), this doesn't mean you don't experience the feelings at all. when performed as a subconscious act of survival, the aim of repression is to minimise/transform the feelings into a state where they can no longer cause immediate danger, and something as big as sexual/romantic orientation is going to keep popping up, but as long as the individual in question never understands what they’re feeling, they’ll be able to continue relatively undisturbed. you know how in heist movies, the leader of the group will only tell each team member part of the plan so they can’t screw things up for everyone else if they get caught? it’s kind of like that.

this is how the captain appears to have operated in life AND in death, and it’s a relatively common experience for lgbtq people who’ve grown up in similar circumstances (aka with a lack of information and in an unfriendly-to-hostile environment), and accounts for how some people can even go on to get married and have children before realising that they’re gay and/or trans. 

personally, while i can now identify what were strong homo crushes all the way back to childhood, at the time i genuinely had no idea. there was the underlying sense that i probably shouldn't tell people how attached i was to these girls because i would seem weird, and that my feelings were stronger than the ones other people used to describe friendships, but like-like them in the way that other girls like-liked boys? no way! actually scratch that, it wasn't even a no way, because i had no idea that i even could. i even had my own havers, at least in terms of the emotional hold and devotion she got from me, except she treated me way less well than cap’s beau. snatches of the existence of lgbt people made it through the cone of silence, i definitely heard the words gay and lesbian, but my levels of informations mirrored those that the captain would have had: virtually none, beyond the idea that these words exist, some people are them, and that's not something that we support or think is okay, so let's just not speak about it. despite only attending religious schools for the first couple years of primary, until i got my own technology and social media accounts to explore lgbtq content on my own- option a out of the two catalysts for change- the possibility of me being gay was not at all on my radar. don’t even get me started on how long it took me to explore butchness and my overall gender, two things which now feel glaringly obvious. 

when shit starts to break down, you can also make the conscious choice to repress which can delay the eventual smashing down of the mental closet door for a time (essentially when the closet door starts to open, you just say ‘no thanks’ and shut it again by pointedly Not Thinking About It). in the abscence of identifying yourself by your attractions, it becomes quite common to identify with a lack- in my case, this meant becoming proud of how sensible and not boy crazy i was, and in the captain’s case, this means becoming proud of how sensible and not sensuous/wild (aka woman crazy) he was, identifying with his LACK of desire for women and partying (which, even in the 40s, involved the expectation of opposite sex romances and hook ups). i’m not saying that’s the only reason he’s a rule follower, but i think the contrast between About Last Night and Perfect Day pretty much support this. (the captain getting on his high horse about general party antics that he inherently felt excluded from because of underlying awareness of his difference & his tendency to project his regimented expectations of himself onto others, vs. joining in the reception party, awareness of how the environment supports difference in the form of clare and sam, and relaxing his own rules by dancing with men- the captain doesn’t mind a party when feels like he has a place there.)

so the captain was operating in a high demand, highly regulated environment (primarily the military, but also early 20th century England itself), with regimented roles, rules, and expectations. working on the assumption that he wouldn't have had out/disclosing lgbt friends, he would have had little to no exposure to lgbt identities, and what information he did receive would have been hushed and negatively geared. while my world started to open up when i started high school was allowed to have my own phone + instagram account, resulting in me realising something wasn't quite 'right' within a few years (making me a relatively early realiser compared to those who don't come out to themselves until adulthood), in life the captain never had that experience. he didn't receive the information he needed, his environment didn't grow less hostile. with the near-exception of havers related heartbreak, his well disciplined and lifelong method of repression never became destructive/exhaustive enough to permanently override the danger signals in his mind and allow him to put his feelings into words. neither of the most common catalysts for change happened for him, so he continued as usual, even after his death.

BUT, and here’s where we come to why this is actually great representation, arrival of mike and Alison represents the opening up of new world. for the first time, the captain is actively made aware of the fact that his environment is no longer hostile, and better than that, it’s affirming. he’s also getting access to positively geared information about lgbtq people and identities, so option a of the two catalysts for change is absolutely present, and resoundingly positive. 

the captain’s arc is also relatively unique as it acknowledges the oppressive nature of his environment, but actually focuses on the internal consequences, and the way that systems like those that the captain lived in succeed because they turn us into our own oppressors. for whatever reason, we repress ourseslves, and often can’t help it, and i find that the significance of the journey to overcome that is often overlooked in more mainstream queer media. perhaps it’s just not very cinematic, or it remains too confronting for cishet audiences, but ghosts manages to touch on it with a lovely amount of humour and hope. Jamie Babbit’s But I’m A Cheerleader is another favourite piece of queer media for the same reasons.

not only does it show this, but as the captain continues to get gayer and lean into some of his less conventional traits (like an interest in fashion and the wedding planning), it shows lgbt people who have been or are going through this that there CAN be a positive outcome. it takes a lot to unlearn all the things that have painted you as wrong, especially when a massive institution is desperate to continue doing so, but you can do it, you can be happy, and it's never too late. (i've been meaning to say that last point for ages for ages, but a mutual beat me to it here)

2. not just another coming out arc

i absolutely support the demand for queer stories that don’t center around coming out (it’s like shrodinger’s queer: if you’re not coming out on screen, do you really even exist?), but i don’t align with the criticisms that the captain should already be out. for the reasons mentioned above, the captain’s particular story is fairly different to the ‘young white teenager who mostly knows gay is fine, it’s just everyone else that’s got the problem, but have a unremarkably straight sounding soundtrack, a trauma porn romance, and a cishet saviour’ that we keep seeing. the captain’s ongoing journey with his sexuality emphasises the overaching theme of the show: recovering from trauma and humanity’s endless capacity for growth, and i think that’s worth showing over and over again until it stops being true.

additionally, while the captain’s journey regarding his gayness is a big part of his character and story, ghosts makes it clear that it’s not the ONLY part, and being gay is far from his ONLY characteristic or dramatic/comedic engine. the fact that i’m even having to congratulate ghosts for doing that really shows how much film and television is struggling huh.

while all queer media is, and should be, subject to criticism, i think if it helps even one person then it absolutely deserves to exist, and i can say i’ve found the captain’s journey to be the lgbt story i’ve found that’s closest to my own, which says a lot considering he’s a dead world war 2 soldier who hangs out with other ghosts including a slutty Tory, a georgian noblewoman, and a literal caveman. 

3. if captain gay, why he no have boyfriend???? 

another complaint that’s been circulating is that since the captain doesn’t, and likely won’t, have a boyfriend, that makes him Bad Representation because it follows the sad single gay trope. i kind of get the logic from this one, and a lot of it is up to personal interpretation, but part of me really enjoys the fact that the captain’s journey towards accepting himself is separated from having a relationship.

coming out is often paired with having romantic/sexual relationships (either as the reason or reward for doing so). my own struggle with repression didn't end the second that came out, and i still struggle with letting myself develop & acknowledge romantic feelings as a result of actively shutting them (and most other feelings in general) down for years, and statistics show that lgbtq youth in particular tend not to live out their 'teen years' until their twenties. by not giving cap a relationship straight away, ghosts separates the act of claiming identity and sexual orientation from finding a partner (two things which are, more often than not, separate), and also provides some very nice validation to folks who have yet to have the relationship they want, especially when lots of mainstream queer media is now jumping on the cishet media bandwagon of acting as if every person loses their virginity and has a life defining relationship at sixteen. it’s essentially a continuation of the earlier theme of “it’s never too late”, and who’s to say the captain won’t get a gay bear ghost boyfriend to go haunt nazis with??? people die all the time, it could happen.

(also, i think him and julian will have definitely shagged at least once. it was a low moment for both of them and they refuse to speak of it.)

lots of asexual/ace spectrum fans have come out to say how much they’ve loved being able to headcanon cap as ace, and while that’s not a headcanon i personally have, i think it’s brilliant that ace fans feel seen by his character- we’re all in this soup together babey (and sorry for cursing everyone still reading this with that cap/julian headcanon. i’m just a vessel)

4. “okay, but cap’s a GHOST- doesn’t that make this Bury Your Gays?”

this is a bit of a complex one, but i’m going to say no as a result of the following break down.

Bury Your Gays (BYG), aka the trope where lgbtq characters are consistently killed off (and often with a heavy dose of trauma, while cishet characters survive) is probably one of my least favourite lgbt media tropes. BYG has two main points:

1. the lgbt character is killed, thus removing them from story entirely- hence the use of the phrase ‘killed OFF’ (killed off of the show/film)

2. the character’s death reinforces the perception that lgbtq people’s lives must end in tragedy, instead of being long and fulfilling, or are inherently less valuable. bonus points if the character is killed in a hate crime or confesses same-gender love right before they die (that one implies that queer love genuinely has no future!)

not every death of an lgbtq character is bury your gays, and i personally feel that the captain is an example of an lgbt death that isn’t. 

first of all, while the captain is dead, so are the vast majority of characters in ghosts. the premise of the show means that death is not the end of the line for its characters- for most of them, it’s the only reason we get to see them on screen at all. as such, the captain being dead doesn’t remove him from the story, so point one is irrelevant.

at the time of posting, we don’t know how or why the captain died, but we've had nothing to suggest his death was in any way related to his latent sexuality, so his mysterious death doesn’t actively play into the supposedly inherent tragedy of queer lives, nor the supposedly lesser value. that’s as of right now- since we don’t know the circumstances of his death it’s a little tough to analyse properly. while the captain’s life absolutely features missed opportunities and it’s fair share of tragedy, hope and growth (which seems to be the theme of this post) abounds in equal measure. the captain may not be alive, but we DO get to see him growing and having a relatively happy existence, that for the most part seems to be getting even better as he learns to open up and be himself unapologetically- that doesn’t feel like BYG to me.

while writng this, it’s just occured to me that death really is a second chance for most of the ghosts, especially with the introduction of alison. from mary learning to read, to thomas finding modern music, they’ve all been given the chance explore things they never could have while they were alive, and hopefully grow enough to one day be sucked off move on.

in conclusion,

i love the captain very much and i hope his arc lives up to the standards it’s set so far. i don’t know where to put this in this post, but i’d alo like to say i LOVE how in Perfect Day, the captain wasn’t used as an educational experienced for fanny at all. i am very tired of people expecting me to be the walking talking homophobe educator and rehabilitator, so the fact that it’s alison and the other ghosts that call fanny out while the captain just gets to have fun with the wedding organisation made me very happy.

here’s a few other cap posts that i’ve done:

the captain’s arc if adam and the film crew stayed

a possible cap coming out 

the captain backstory headcanon

if you’ve read this far,

thank you!

also check out @alex-ghosts-corner , this post inspired me very much to write this

[elencelebrindal]

If I'm not mistaken you've now read/watched the three mxtx works and WoH. How would you rank them following personal preference? Which main couple did you like the most? Favorite plot twists in all four?

Yep, I did. I still have to read Faraway Wanderers though. Can't wait to.

This came out to be quite a long post, so I'll put it under the read more thingy.

Now, how would I rank them?

I'll have Tian Guan Ci Fu at the top, no doubts. It's my absolute favorite among all these four, and will probably remain my favorite even after I finally get to read the huge thing that's 2ha. It's the perfect balance of a story with no characters left unexplained (except for the minor ones and RIP Hua Cheng's backstory, why did mxtx rob us so much), of characters being unique all in different ways, and of a romance that, while being absolutely the main focus of the novel, is not overwhelming. For me, an aro/ace person, the romance written in TGCF is so good that it made even me stupidly happy. I don't get such big smiles on my face while reading my own romantic content.

This is the ONLY novel I've ever read that doesn't have a single character I hate in it. Only one, maybe two at most, that I dislike. That's it. Everyone's good. Everyone.

Then I'll definitely have Word of Honor. Just like TGCF, it's a really good balance between an interesting story (I was literally squirming in my seat while impatiently waiting for things to be revealed, enjoying every second of it) and a subtle romance that was still obvious enough to make me wonder what the hell happened with censorship in this drama. Not that I'm complaining though.

Almost all the characters are incredibly good. They have depth to them, all the main ones have either a satisfying backstory or a beautifully crafted development.

And this is it for the ranking. I wrote way more than I should have, but oh well.

After that, it's a tie between Mo Dao Zu Shi and Scum Villain. I don't want to favor one over the other, because I genuinely like them the same. Scum Villain is really underrated, and while I understand it somewhat, it's really unfair.

MDZS (and The Untamed) has a story that draws you to it, especially if you (like me) have an obsession with all things dark and spooky and terrifying like the demonic cultivation in this, like the whole mystery they have to solve with body parts leading them to the solution. The drama, as good as it was, really didn't do justice to the spook factor of using dismembered parts of a corpse to move around.

SVSSS is straight up weird, literally an isekai but make it Chinese. I think the best part of it is Shen Yuan panicking and cussing everyone out every time something happens around him, though... I really loved the story and the way it played out. I especially liked how the novel kept mentioning Proud Immortal Demon Way and compared the events of that book to the events that were happening in that book's world.

But why do I prefer Word of Honor to them? Well, it's simple. There's some aspects of the romance that don't resonate well with me.

WangXian is a beautiful couple, and they deserve all the happiness in the world (they have a canonic son!!!!!!!!), but Wei WuXian's initial obliviousness made me really uncomfortable at times. Not because he didn't know Lan WangJi was in love with him (the fool! thank goodness for Guanyin Temple), but because he kept teasing Lan WangJi about it while the latter was drunk. I mean, I get it. If you don't know, you don't realize what you're doing. But as a person that easily suffers from people making fun of me behind my back... it kinds struck a nerve. I still love them to pieces, though, they're so good together.

BingQiu, well... this is a rollercoaster of a couple. Again, I absolutely love them together, but some parts come off almost as scenes where consent is thrown to the wind. As a reader you know Shen QingQiu is willing and in love (gods, they married each other, I'd be a fool to say the opposite), but there should be a limit to how many times a willing person should say "No" in such a novel. This is mostly me being my aro/ace self, though. I don't really understand what goes on in the world of intimacy between people because I (literally) don't give a fuck, so I'm probably reading too much where there's too little. Don't take this as me not liking BingQiu, I'm in love with them and I desperately need more content.

Favorite plot twists, eh? Okay, big SPOILER ALERT from here onwards. And I mean it. BIG. SPOILER. ALERT.

Now, which main couple did I like the most?

Hualian. I don't even need to think about it. Bonus point because they're both out of their minds and the extras show it.

I said it before, and I'll say it again. I never have smiles so big and goofy in front of anything else, not even my own stuff. Hualian genuinely makes me happy.

Stop reading if you haven't finished all four of these, please.

...

Okay, here I go.

WoH:

Wen KeXing faking his death and telling basically everyone but Zhou ZiShu.

The villain being Zhao Jing; I was actually fooled and thought the main bastard of the series was Gao Chong.

Episode 35, and I'm not saying anything else. Although, as soon as that son of a bitch put his hands on Cao Weining's face like that, I genuinely knew what was going to happen.

The hairpin being the key for the armory. That was so stunning I had to pause the episode for a second and take a walk around the house.

MDZS:

Jin GuangYao being the villain. And being an amazing villain, on top of that.

Nie Huaisang. Fuck's sake, that man fooled the entire fandom just like that. I don't think many people realized he was the one behind everything.

The golden core transplant reveal. I'm sure that more experienced readers and viewers (aka people that had read/watched a ton more cultivation world stuff) had hints of it, but when I watched The Untamed I never read/watched anything remotely close to this genre. It hit me like a brick and I sat in front of the screen in shock.

SVSSS:

Shang QingHua being Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky. It's such a silly thing, but it made me pause for a good five minutes. I wasn't expecting it in the slightest.

The whole thing with the Old Palace Master. The man belongs to the dumpster he never got thrown into.

Tianlang-Jun not actually being the villain. Poor demon, he just wanted to continue with the questionable hobby of reading porn and daydreaming about Shen QingQiu's relationships.

I think I had another one, but it's late and I'm probably forgetting it.

TGCF:

Oh boy, where do I belong? Ah yes, the entirety of book 4. Took me out on the spot.

Jun Wu being Bai WuXiang completely blew me away. That was probably the biggest plot twist in the history of plot twists.

Also, Ling Wen knowing, and her being the creator of the Brocade Immortal.

Fu Yao and Nan Feng being Feng Xin and Mu Qing. For some reason, even if it's kinda obvious when you take a good look at them, it never clicked before being revealed.

On the same note, Ming Yi being He Xuan, and the Earth Master being actually dead. What a ride that arc has been for me.

One of the most important details, however... I got it myself. The ring Hua Cheng gives to Xie Lian. I see so many people saying that they didn't expect the ring to be his ashes, but I did something I generally can't stop myself from doing. I guessed something tremendously important by accident, something I do with many many books so I can ruin the experience for myself. I was literally sitting down, taking a break from reading (I devoured TGCF in 3 days, I needed that break lol), and all of a sudden this goddamn revelation descend upon me like the holy spirit, completely out of the blue. I just sat up, looked at the screen, and went "the ring is is fucking ashes, isn't it?", and completely ruined the surprise for myself.

And this is it.

If there's more I forgot (probably) I don't know. For now, this is my answer. Way too long, as always.

[meear]

it’s me, bitching about Bertholdt again

“there is no time for Bertholdt it’s the end of the world” no fuck that noise, there was time. one could MAYBE accept that excuse to explain the way everyone ignored Porco and Colt after they died (and I still think it’s an awful dumbass choice because there was nothing preventing Isayama to explore it for a little bit anyway. if there is room for Marco, there is room for that, he just needs to write it in. it’s not like anyone would’ve called it unrealistic if Pieck had mentioned Porco once or if Falco had mourned his brother for more than one panel). 

But Bertholdt died in chapter 84. this is bullshit. 

Isayama had 50+ chapters to give us a satisfying closure. Erwin and Bertholdt died at the EXACT same time and yet he made sure to make room for Erwin. it’s just a really bad excuse. there was time in Marley, before the Liberio attack. There was the time when Armin blew up the port as the Colossal. there was the time when the alliance joined Reiner, or when Reiner and Annie saw each other again. there was that time in the forest when they were talking about Marco, or when Yelena mentioned Bertholdt and there wasn’t even a shot of Reiner’s face(wtf). there was the time when Armin got shot and he was literally healing in front of Reiner. opportunities were clearly there, Isayama just didn’t take them.

now that there are two chapters left, yeah NOW there is no time no shit. even if isayama was somehow saving Bertholdt to give him a moment at the very end, it doesn’t erase the fact that Reiner and Annie (who are just people inside the story) basically forgot about him until this point. it doesn’t explain the weird way they treated bertholdt’s death. 

It’s still bad writing even if the last two chapters were somehow about Bertholdt and Bertholdt only (lmao) because not only the journey to get there is absolutely ridiculous, to have ONE big scene to solve everything is unsatisfying. to cram the whole conflict in a few pages, even if it’s solved in the end, that’s unsatisfying.

I’m not explaining myself very well but I think the way Porco/Reiner was handled is a good example.

the first time we meet Porco, he is established as having a grudge against Reiner because of what happened to Marcel. the flashbacks tell us that they also had a rivalry over the armored titan before that. in this conflict, though Reiner used to fight back, he grew up to be more passive and accept Porco’s hostility because of his own guilt. 

so how does this get solved? do we just take a few pages the next chapter to let Reiner tell the truth to Porco, Porco forgives everything and then they never mention it again? no because that’s boring and it would ruin their whole dynamic

the next time we see Porco, Reiner interrupts him before he says something incriminating when marleyan officers are listening in, which Porco notices 

the next time Porco and Reiner’s relationship is showcased, Colt worries about Falco becoming a titan, which make Porco say that “the conditions for becoming a titan are quite vague”, a throwback to his own conflict with Reiner, and the grice brothers parallel the galliards. we can see Porco is a bit upset after this conversation.

after that, Reiner saves Porco’s life, and him waking up from a nightmare is a direct reference to their 1st scene together, except this time Porco is facing Reiner and he offers him something to drink. 

at the very end, they fight together and after seeing Marcel’s memories, Porco gets eaten to save Reiner and someone else’s little brother which is a very nice conclusion to his character arc, using the themes of sacrifice and protection that surrounded their whole relationship. Galliard even does it again when he returns from the dead. good writing Porco 10/10

basically their conflict was given time to breathe and change, and it made chapter 119 that much more rewarding. it’s thanks to all those little scenes scattered through the whole arc. Kaya and Gabi were also done pretty well

... now let’s compare that to Jean and Reiner’s resolution over Marco. I don’t mean to say it was bad btw, because I don’t think it was at all and I enjoyed it. It’s actually one of the chapters I read most often. but the method was very different : this time it was more “one big conversation to solve everything”, when it’s way more satisfying to see a relationship evolving over the course of several chapters instead of having one chapter where they work everything out, move on to something else and never address it again because “they already did that”... like that’s not how human beings function??? we had Jean beat Reiner up, violently wake him up and tell him he’ll never forgive him, 10 chapters later we see Jean still cares a lot for him, but there was nothing in between?? it’s not that I think it’s impossible but why can’t we focus on the journey a little more?? 

Which is why I think it’s too late for Bertholdt to be properly addressed no matter what Isayama does, for the mere reason that there are only 2 chapters left so it’s impossible to have a fulfulling build up. Not when Reiner missed literally every key moment to remember his existence. at best Bertholdt will get the Marco treatment. which was more than fine for Marco. not Bertholdt. im not done complaining about this

[aotopmha]

Hi! I love reading your posts. These days I mostly look forward to your episode analysis. But I wanted to know what are your thoughts on mikasa's character and would you say she is well-developed given the latest chapter? The fandom in the past mostly argued that mikasa is the most poorly treated female character by isayama. And now I guess people have resorted to some disgusting takes which I dn't wana bring up in your space. Thanks.

Cool you like my stuff!

I think she is one of the best executions of her character archetype and she is just like every other character in AoT: there are sections of the story where she has less focus and sections of the story where she has more focus.

In her character's case, I think her main focus was in the first arc and in this last arc, but there are key moments peppered in other arcs to bridge the way to her character in this arc.

In my eyes, she has been absolutely great in this final arc.

Mikasa has not been the only character I've seen criticized to be wasted potential in the story, but I think what some people want out of the characters simply is not what AoT offers or how the story writes its characters in the first place.

There are walls of text about the lore and plot, but the big character moments are always punctuated by big panels that let the moment breathe.

I think people want volume because volume automatically means more complex characters to them, but I think AoT likes to be concise much more.

I've said this before, but I think Mikasa is one of the best examples of this in the story.

I've disagreed with the claim that Mikasa specifically is wasted potential for quite a bit, but I think I do with most AoT characters. I think most of them were used to their fullest potential.

But with Mikasa I especially do now because I did get everything people seem to claim they are missing out of her character.

I got a character arc about gaining a healthier understanding about relationships.

I got a character arc about growing more pragmatic and mature and understanding when feelings need to be put aside to do the right thing.

I got a relationship-centric female character who is not required to throw away her relationships to grow and plays with gender roles in a fun way because of the masculine elements of her character, like her strength and muscular build.

I got a relationship-centric character who has relationships outside of her most focused-on relationship.

Her backstory would've worked just as well were she a male character.

There are several key points in the story where her caring about others drastically effects the plot of the story.

If she could've killed Reiner and Bert when they revealed themselves, the story would be very different.

If she did not throw away the blade Armin had back in Trost and wasn't there to help him, the story probably would be very different.

If she wasn't there to stop Kaya from killing Gabi, the story probably would be pretty different.

Hell, if she wasn't there to save Sasha in that one scene in Trost, even then things would've been much different because Sasha is so essential for some of the events in the early stages of the final arc.

People talk about how details add up and I think Mikasa is 100% that character, except some of these details are actually key points in the story.

This is also true in the anime. We had a few altered scenes, but we got other ones in return, like the one with Hannes in season 2 or a couple of scenes with Historia in season 3.

I think every ounce of pathos you could wring out of her character has been wrung out of it.

I love her character as this motherly, but powerful protective presence and her being powerful, but also human.

The scene with Reeves in Trost and the scene with Hange in Shiganshina come to mind as two contrasts. Her as powerful and her as grieving.

The reason why she is lower on the ladder of female characters for me is that her character is still constrained to her archetype.

Everything you could do well with that archetype is done incredibly well, there's even subversions in there with the masculine elements of her character and details of her character arc.

But there isn't anything in particular I find that's very unique about all of the aspects that make up her character.

I think at some point people were complaining that she had only a few lines of dialog in the Shiganshina arc or something like that, but I still take that over the four scenes with Levi in the Uprising arc that all said the same thing in essence (torture scene, scene with Historia, scene with Armin, scene with random MP thug).

She is very much a quality over quantity, show don't tell character:

(Chapter 84)

I take this over any monologue about pragmatism Levi makes in the Uprising arc.

Of course, Mikasa is a character and characters are written by people.

Maybe Isayama could've written her in a way where her relationship with Eren isn't as big part of her character or not a part of her character at all.

Maybe he could've even made her be the kind of character that does have elaborate inner and outer monologues about losing her parents or those she cares about or being stuck between duty and family.

He could've made her have the same amount of focus every arc.

But I feel like she's not the only character who was like this.

As I said, I think everyone has been out of focus at some point or another.

Reiner was a non-character before Clash and wasn't even there in Uprising.

Eren was actually gone or unconscious for a lot of the Female Titan, Clash and Uprising arcs.

All of the Paradis crew was gone for most of the Marley arc.

I also feel like even the most complex characters in the story don't reflect or angst massive amounts in the first place. As I said, I think there aren't that many walls of text concerning character motivation.

All of the information you need is there in simple, but layered dialog.

In that sense I don't see her being treated more unfairly than other characters.

I can say that I think the only characters that I feel weren't used to their fullest potential were probably Bertholdt and Historia.

I really do feel we got everything we could out of Mikasa's character, though and the ending for her is pretty much perfect.

Thank you for the ask!

[nonagesimus]

For birthday prompts the sastiel summer between season 9 and 10?

this loosely takes part in touch verse (though all you really need to know is that they're in an established relationship). If you want something less established then I cannot recommend Kettering (I Was Checking Vitals) by Fabella more. (It hurts, tho. It hurts so good).

(AO3 link)

--

“Sam?”

One breath Sam had just turned to see Cas, one hand outstretched, a concerned look on his face, and the next he was in his arms. He’d been keeping a tight grip on his panic – Cas had been gone, and then Dean had been dead, and then Dean had been gone – but all of a sudden it was overflowing. He was shaking, every muscle held taught, the shoulder of Cas’ coat turning damp where he’d buried his face into it.

“Cas,” he managed, voice ragged, arms squeezing tighter.

One of Cas’ hands was fisted in his shirt at the small of his back, the other pressed hard between his shoulder blades, holding him close. Sam tried to focus on that, on the breath on the side of his neck, on anything but the out of control race of his heart.

“Dean’s gone,” he choked out, and Cas’ arms tightened.

Eventually, eventually he got control of himself. Got the whole story out, heard Castiel’s.

Cas stroked a hand through his hair, pulled back far enough to look him in the eye. “We’ll find him, Sam,” he said, solemn and sure.

Steadied by Cas’ warm hand on his shoulder, Sam set up an alert for traffic incidents involving a black ‘67 Impala and then another for the plate number. Whoever took Dean, if they were smart, would’ve changed out the plates. But there was a chance they weren’t smart.

There was no way to tell what direction they drove when they left the bunker - but they went looking anyway. Sam drove. He wasn’t too sure on the hour count since he’d last slept, but he wouldn’t be able to if he tried anyway. Too keyed up, running his thumbnail back and forth the vinyl of the starting wheel, blinking hard when his visions blurred.

Three gas stations who didn’t think they’d seen an Impala and Sam was gunning for the fourth cardinal direction, but Cas put a hand on his arm and said his name, and-

He was shaking again, he dimly realised. And Cas looked exhausted too - guilt curdled in his stomach for a moment, and he nodded.

“Yeah,” he said. “Let’s go home.”

(He lay with Cas pressed up against his spine and his heart pounding for hours before he fell asleep).

In the morning there was a traffic report for a car matching the Impala’s description running a red in Dallas. Another in Atlanta. A hit and run in Nashville. They covered the ground - thankful that the worst injury was a broken arm.

No good shots of who had been driving.

No more leads.

They picked up news of what sounded like a poltergeist on their way out of Nashville and Sam - he didn’t want to. He wanted to keep looking for Dean. Even without a direction he just wanted to keep driving, and Cas wasn’t going to judge him from the passenger seat. He took the job, and Cas’ hand covered his on the seat between them.

They stopped for the night in a motel. Cas ran interference while Sam got the bags planted to expel the ghost.

There was a moment of relief they’d done it that way when a heating unit wrenched itself off the wall and launched itself towards Cas’ head in an arc of dust - a flash of light knocked it back the way it came. Sam pushed the last bag into place, ready for silence.

Instead Cas launched into a fit of wracking coughs. Relief turned to worry - Sam went to him laid a hand on his back, felt the fit subside slowly. Cas straightened from where he’d doubled over, wiping at streaming eyes.

“Sorry,” he said. “I inhaled at the worst possible time.”

He’d phrased it like a joke, but Sam’s laugh was hollow. “Are you alright? I’ve never seen you do that before.”

Cas forced a smile, pressed a little closer before stepping away. “I’m fine.”

More police reports. Louisville, Cincinnati, Cleveland, Chicago. Then nothing for a while until a man matching Dean’s description held up a liquor store outside of Vegas. No sign of him by the time they got there - plus the store’s CCTV had been on the fritz. But it had apparently been on the fritz for weeks, so nothing specific to the robbery. They took statements, the found a motel. Sam checked his laptop and found a new parking ticket for a ’67 Chevy Impala in Reno.

“Do you think it’s really him?” Sam said.

Cas said, “I don’t know.”

They drove to the bunker, for another fruitless search into the Mark, knocked out a murderous shapeshifter on the way. Sam kept his hands braced on the steering wheel so they didn’t shake. Cas watched him.

Days turned to weeks, turned to a month, turned into two.

Jody got a tip off about someone that sounded like Dean in Montana, they drove there and found stories about an asshole who’d broken three chairs and won a four-against-one bar fight, but again no proof - a man with a black eye and a split lip cottoned on to them maybe knowing the victor, and while they managed to avoid him getting hurt more, they didn’t manage to avoid Sam getting a bottle to the head.

Cas healed it in the car, grace sealing the cut, clearing up what felt like the beginning of a concussion.

They got a room there, too tired to keep moving, and Sam fell asleep curled into Cas’ chest.

Sam woke up and Cas - Cas was breathing even. Eyes closed, face slack, and Sam was used to Cas’ eyes opening as soon as he sat up. He didn’t need sleep, he stayed in Sam’s bed for the contact, and for Sam’s sake. But this. This was sleep. Real sleep.

Unnerved, Sam gently pulled himself free of Cas’ arms, of the tangle of sheets. Went to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

When he emerged, Cas was blinking awake, eyebrows knitting in confusion. “Sam?” he said, grogginess adding an unfamiliar tone to his voice. His eyes sought out Sam in the doorway to the bathroom.

“You were sleeping,” Sam said. “I didn’t know you needed to.”

“I don’t,” Cas said, pushing himself up to sit against the headboard. “I- I didn’t.”

Sam sat on the bed, facing him. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” he said, too quickly.

Sam shut his eyes. He heard Cas sigh.

“It’s nothing you should concern yourself over.” A hand covered his. He opened his eyes to see Cas watching him intently. “Sam, you have enough to worry about.”

Sam reached out to cup Cas’ jaw, leaned in to press their foreheads together. There were arguments he could make, there was logic, there was reasoning, there was a banked but still burning ember of anger, but all that came out of his choked-up throat was a small, petulant, “Are you lying to me?”

“I’m sorry,” Cas said.

It wasn’t an answer. They went back to the hunt.

When Dean had been missing for three months Jody made them drop in for dinner. Alex and Claire, and a couple of bottles of wine with dinner, and it was domestic in a way Sam had never had. He’d pretended to, with Amelia, when Dean and Cas had both been gone. The reminder felt bitter. The house, the conversation, the rapport, it was all warm, and it felt like there was glass around Sam keeping that warmth from reaching him.

He washed the dishes, focussed on the hot water and the suds, got lost in it for a while until Jody came over and started to dry.

“You don’t need to do that,” he said. “I was going to once I finished.”

“Maybe I don’t trust you to know where to put things,” Jody said. He managed a laugh, and they worked in silence for a little while, before she asked softly, “How are you really going?”

“I’m going,��� he said. “It’s-“ He looked at his hands in the water. “I don’t know.”

“You’ll find him,” she said, sure and steady. “If he’s out there, you’ll find him.”

If he was out there. Sam nodded, made an attempt at a smile. Scrubbed at a stubborn scrap of food burnt onto the side of a casserole dish.

“That angel of yours is taking care of you?” she asked.

“He’s trying,” Sam said. “I’m not that easy to take care of.”

He got the distinct impression she was seeing through all the bravado when she said, “You let me know if there’s anything I can help with, ok?”

“Of course,” he said, knowing he was never going to take her up on it.

Sam still felt sober, but he’d had enough of the wine that Cas drove. He dozed in the passenger seat. Woke up as the car pulled over. Blinked to see a stretch of road in the headlights - turned to see Cas leaning forward, braced on the steering wheel, digging his hands into his eyes. Turned away to cough into his elbow.

He reached out to brush his fingers against Cas’ arm. “You ok?”

Cas looked at him. Apologetic. Maybe ashamed. “Tired,” he admitted.

Sam nodded, rubbed a hand over his face, sat up further. “I’ll drive the rest of the way.”

Cas clearly wanted to protest, but he didn’t. They got back to the bunker. To their bed, and Sam pulled Cas against him, arms wrapped around him, face pressed firmly into his hair.

“Will you tell me yet?” he whispered, into the back of Cas’ neck.

Cas took his hands, pulled them more firmly together. He didn’t say a word.

Month five.

Cas tried to hide but the cough was getting worse. He was sleeping more often. Leads for Dean would come in a rush, all of sudden, and then all turn out to be useless. They got some hunting done, when they could. A werewolf in Nebraska. A nest of vampires in Texas.

They were in Seattle.

A rumour that could’ve been Dean turned into a rumour about kelpies turned into a very real water hag, and they had the damn birch stakes blessed with salt and the blood of a fresh slain calf - and that had been a bitch and a half to get - but that didn’t make fighting it any easier. They were both exhausted, both running on empty but still running, and Sam-

Sam saw Cas go down and go down hard. Saw him lying still while the hag raised two spindly but heavy fists over it’s head and he- and he.

He gave up all pretence of strategy and just charged - got the stake up underneath the hag’s ribs, even as one of it’s claws stabbed solidly through the underside of his arm. The hag dropped, the stake pulled out of his hand, but the claw in his arm was stuck fast and it wrenched and-

His vision went white for a moment, cleared with him on his knees in the filthy water. Dead hag. Arm useless - caught. Cas still not moving.

The claw came out with a rush of blood, black spots in his vision, he blinked them away, scrambled over to where Cas was lying, his name falling out of Sam’s mouth in a desperate sob. He was breathing, Sam realised, and even as he slid his fingers to check his pulse, his eyes were opening.

“Sam,” he gasped, reaching - his fingers dug into Sam’s useless arm and Sam choked back a pained noise. Still enough for Cas to realise something was wrong - his eyes rolled wildly down to see the blood, see the arm dangling from the shoulder - within seconds he was pushing himself up, reaching out more deliberately, power cracking at his fingertips and-

“No,” Sam shook his head, “Just help me keep pressure, don’t-“

“Sam,” Cas said.

“Cas, every time you use your grace you get worse,” Sam said, and Cas flinched.

But he didn’t heal Sam.

Later, when they’d gotten to the motel, when Sam had gotten Cas to help pop his shoulder back into place, when he’d stitched up the wound from the water hag, that was when he made an ultimatum.

“I’m gonna keep looking for Dean,” he said. “But you shouldn’t.”

“Sam,” Cas protested, but he just shook his head.

“You’re not on your game,” he said. “And, I’m not- I’m not losing you.”

Cas drew him in with one hand tight in his hair, the other splayed on his back. “I’m not losing you either,” he said, fierce and hoarse.

Sam shut his eyes, and listened to the wheeze in Cas’ chest, and held him close.

[symphonyofthewrite]

Saw your post, getting stuff off your chest, I just wanted to say that I haven't seen the thing with the kids mentioned by anyone and it really stood out to me, I feel what you mean to some extent, because for me it was a stronger reaction, albeit you probably won't feel the same and that's, obviously, perfectly fine. I have an instant recoil these days whenever a character is around kids for like one second and everyone instantly goes "THEY LITERALLY ADOPTED THEM/THAT'S THEIR CHILD/THEY'RE A PARENT"... genuinely sick of it, and I went white as a sheet when I heard it, I wanted to pluck my eyes out. I don't know if it's an American thing but English speaking fandoms (well, those teeming with fancops that is) seem like they cannot process adult looking characters being in any near proximity to childlike characters without automatically imposing parenthood and family dynamics and it's becoming distressing to me. I feel like Alucard needed to process his trauma and learn to trust and be whole again, he's young himself too, why he needed to be a "father figure" all of a sudden is beyond me.

Thank you so much for the ask!! I don’t get many asks so it makes me happy when I can talk meta with people 💛💛 (Sorry I’m a bit late in answering.)

Funnily enough I actually do agree with you. I didn’t have quite so strong a reaction, but I definitely had a very similar one when I first hear it.

My feelings were and are a bit mixed. I was saying in my other post that I would have preferred that I got to actually see this interaction; see the kids run by him and call him father, and him smile when no ones looking. I still think that would have been a better, more touching way to do the scene, and would have had more chance of me liking it (though I probably still would have felt very weird about it). (I think it especially would have been better because it would show that Alucard himself liked it, not that Greta was forcing the role on him.) I know that it was meant to be something touching, and pretty much everyone seems to like it (and I have seen some cute posts about it), so I just tried to like it too, and focus on the fact that all they were really trying to say was he was having a nice relationship with the kids, and that was indeed sweet.

But yeah, when I heard Greta say “I heard some of them calling you father” for me it was less a reaction of horror, and more a “HUH??!!”moment. When I heard it I was like “Alucard...you agree with this???!! This is how you see yourself??!!” I almost expected Alucard to refute it and say he didn’t see himself as a father to them. Like I seriously do not see Alucard as anything remotely close to a father figure, and it felt weird and wrong to me.

Like when I saw him interacting with the kids the first time, I didn’t think “oh he’s a father figure to them.” I just thought “yay, Alucard’s playing with some kids, and getting out of his bubble!!” I didn’t have any thoughts as to what his relationship role was with them, I just thought that first interaction was lovely.

And if I saw him interacting with the kids again, I still wouldn’t go “father figure” I’d just be like “yay, Alucard’s playing with the kids again, how sweet!!”

Sometimes the relationship doesn’t need a role or a label, ya know?

And I thought it was especially strange because…he literally just met them?? Like how can they possibly start calling him father when he’s played with them once or twice? Regardless of Alucard’s side or things, what group of kids would randomly call a nice man they just met ‘father’? Is...Is this a normal thing??

Anyways, back to Alucard’s side of things, Sypha’s line about Alucard being a teenager trapped an adults body has always been something that stuck with me and shaped how I view Alucard. I definitely view him as internally much younger than he looks. No matter how much I might hate them for what they did to him, I think Sumi and Take are about the age he actually is, and their relationship with him made sense to me. He’s still a kid—or at least young—he still needs his parents in his life, really. (That’s part of why I didn’t like that Drac and Lisa don’t go to him at the end. I personally don’t think Alucard really got closure, and in my mind I think he still very much needed them, and that would have been the perfect ending to his story in my mind, where everything comes full circle; He was forced to lose his parents and grow up too early, and only when he’s started to truly grow up does he get them back.) So yeah, I really don’t see him like a father at all. One of my main focuses in my Castlevania fanfiction is his relationship with Dracula, so I very much see him as the son, not as the dad, even when Drac isn’t around.

(Sidenote, come to think of it, I think this is another reason why Greta x Alucard is a nope from me. She’s very much an adult, so I just see a discrepancy between them that makes me feel weird about them being in a romantic relationship. If we need a label I feel like she fits as an older sister for him, guiding him and giving him support. Him unloading all his problems on her within just meeting her makes more sense if he’s like a younger brother who needs to cry to his sister. I felt weird about it in a romantic context when it was so fast. I mean I know he was desperate to talk to someone, and I probably would have done the same, but still).

“I feel like Alucard needed to process his trauma and learn to trust and be whole again, he's young himself too, why he needed to be a "father figure" all of a sudden is beyond me”

^^ THIS. EXACTLY THIS.

I was honestly really hoping they’d go in depth into him dealing with his trauma, and how he’s still hurting from the wounds of it, and how he needs to heal. I thought that’s what his S4 arc would be about. I don’t think they gave him the chance to really process and work through everything that happened. (Again, I don’t think him just unloading all his problems on a nice stranger is truly working through his trauma. I would have much rather watched him struggle to trust her, and him telling her about his trauma happen later, and be difficult for him, and a deep, heartfelt moment).

Like I was saying in my other post, I think if they framed his arc in how he dealt with the town collectively, I think that would have fit better, and been more touching and satisfying. I would have liked to see him struggling to trust humans, and then see as time progressed how several different people in the town liked him and meant him no harm, and how he realized he could trust them, and that he liked them too. It wasn’t that he had a bad romantic partner and needed a new one. He believed he needed to be punished for killing his father, and in his deep loneliness he let these kids into his house and heart, and they turned on him because he was half vampire. That’s something pretty deeply ingrained, and not something a new romance just fixes by existing. He needed to work through that in a much deeper way.

I know this is gonna be a very unpopular opinion, and it's totally cool if you disagree, but in a weird way... I sort of disliked Alucard’s ending. Don’t get me wrong, Im glad he’s happy, and I’d certainly prefer it to him just getting more trauma like last season (*shudders*), and I don’t think him opening up his castle (and his heart) to humanity is a bad way to end his story, certainly not. I think that fits. And my heart did melt a bit at the "I'm weirdly happy" scene. But, where everyone else is like “*sobbing* happy endings for all our faves” ...I see the creators of the show trying to wrap everything up in a neat little bow, and while that’s certainly not all bad, I don’t love every aspect of that. Theres a time and place for that, but a show based on video games, for which there’s more content in these storylines isn’t one of them in my mind.

Sometimes some of the sadness needs to linger. At the very least, let it linger at the beginning of the season so you can work through it in a powerful way, you know? It may have been tough to see Alucard be more closed off, but I think it would have been more satisfying to see him open up his heart and go back to his old self if we saw his trauma leave lingering effects at the beginning.

To me it didn’t feel like a satisfying arc, it felt like the fairytale ending of “oh look he’s not apprehensive about humanity even after what happened! Oh look he got the girl! And the Castle’s a happy place now! Look he’s not sad anymore! He’s even a father figure to these kids! He’s totally moved on!” And all those things can be awesome when done properly, and when they have depth to them. But they didn’t work through the trauma to get there, so it felt surface level to me, and too fast. I really liked that first episode, and how we saw the two sides of him—one that's become more closed off, and the other that still buries the human despite his comments—and I also really liked the first interaction with the kids, and thought that was one of the few interactions that had depth to it and fit with his arc well. Having it go beyond “they’re helping him learn to like and trust humanity again, and displaying who he really is inside” ended up detracting from the power of his relationship with them in my mind.

Having played SOTN, I think an ingrained loneliness and sadness are, in a way, a key part of Alucard’s character. That sounds really sad and awful out loud but…there are some people that just have a sadness or a loneliness to them, and that's not entirely bad. Here’s the thing…it can make them that much more beautiful. The fact that they still fight for good, even when they see all the dark, those moments when they find true friends, despite how alone they are, those moments when they are happy, are so much more powerful. They just are always a bit…separate from other people. One of my favorite lines in anything is the line "We are connected by our darkness, not by our light" in Pandora Hearts. I think it's a line that fits Alucard well, and it’s always something that’s drawn me personally to him. Don't get me wrong, I don’t think Alucard’s all dark and sad and lonely, he’s definitely got a bright side to him too, of course he does. But I also don't think he ever is able to fully accept the vampire side of himself, and I find that interesting, and worth exploring. Personally I was honestly hoping for the show makers to come up with a bittersweet reason for why he went to sleep for 300 years, (and I thought that's why they set things up with Sumi and Taka that he’d have something against his vampire nature). Personally it felt like they were trying to say “oh he’s all better now, he’ll never be sad or lonely again” and while that’s nice I suppose…for me it sort of…stops feeling like Alucard, in a way? I don't know if I'm explaining it right, or if that sounds terrible...😅

Anyways, back to the topic at hand. I do agree that’s very common of fandom that people are like “boom! Just add water! Instant father figure!” and I don’t love it either. Sometimes it can be cute if it truly fits, but it doesn’t fit every relationship between an adult-looking character and a kid character, and shouldn't be the first place people go to. In the same way every relationship doesn’t have to be romantic, not every relationship has to be parental/familial either. Sometimes it feels like fandom culture isn't really okay to have some characters just be good friends. A good friendship can be more wonderful than a romance sometimes.

If we have to put a label on it, I think he seemed like a nice older brother figure to them? I think that fits who he is in my mind. But father? Nope. Not for me. And again, I don’t think it needs a label.

Thanks again for sending me this ask!! It was nice to get the chance to work through some more of my feelings here too. Sorry if I went too overboard. And I hope I don’t sound too terribly negative, it really was a great season, and I definitely liked some parts of his arc, just not all of it.

If you or anyone else reading would like to discuss with me more, be my guest!! 💕