#them bc there's very very very rarely physical attributes mentioned

[kerryweaverlesbian]

One interpretation of the fictional "Grundy Farm" from BBC Radio 4's farming radio drama "The Archers" suggests that the Grundys, this whole time, have had a MASSIVE horse and they've just never mentioned it

[pinkaditty]

Hi, hi!

I loved your perverted obey me brothers and you catching them with your underwear. Will you make a part 2 with the other dateables?

If not, no worries!!

I love your work and I hope you have a nice day!

anon. did u know that ur my first ask? did u know that anon? ily. i've been thinking abt this ask since i saw i first got it. i never knew getting an ask could be so euphoric.

anyways

Pervert (Obey Me: Shall We Date) Part 2!

summary: you are suspecting that someone is stealing your underwear. it will go missing and randomly reappear like it was never gone. you pretend not to notice, but set a little trap for the culprit… and catch them red handed.

a/n: folks. wow. i did not expect part 1 to be soso popular omg!! ily guys thanks so much for enjoying my stuff waaaah! sorry this second part took so fucking long man so much shit happened. like sooo much im so tired. anyways. here. this part includes the royals, angel, and human. ill be back with the others (thirteen, mephisto, and raphael) soon! they may be slightly ooc bc im unfamiliar with them but ill do my best! also im like literally praying that the characters i wrote here aren't ooc. I tried SO hard please lmk if they are. <;/3

content warning: as usual fem!mc unless you like to imagine yours as a crossdresser (mc's physical attributes are not mentioned but fem undergarments are), and suggestive nsfw content! lmk if there's anything i missed :(

read part 1 here!

AS USUAL MINORS DNI PLEASE! PLEASE RESPECT MY BOUNDARY! THANK YOU!

Intro:

For a short while, you had been reassigned to stay at Purgatory Hall/The Demon Lord’s Castle/wherever else the Dateables are due to Satan having accidentally destroyed your section of the House of Lamentation. No big deal, but all of the brothers were less than happy to see you go. It’s okay, though. You’ll be fine among the others…

The story is the same, of course. You think someone has been nicking your intimates in their spare time. Which is, of course, strange but simultaneously exciting. 

You decide to set a trap to find out who they are, leaving your hamper full of clothes in the washroom before leaving to grab some scent beads. When you return, as expected, you can hear someone rifling through your intimates, but it’s not rushed. Rather, it’s calm and calculated, as though said person was desperate to not be heard. You decide to wait outside the door for them. Once they collect the spoils of their work, they quietly slip through the door, only to find you leaning against the wall outside, looking at them expectantly. Your arms are crossed and you’re tapping your fingers on your arm. You raise an eyebrow at them, stifling the urge to cackle at their panicked expression.

“Explain yourself, pervert.” 

Diavolo:

You know, simultaneously, you expected him and didn’t expect him at all - at the same time. It wasn’t exactly a secret that Dia was fascinated with humans, especially with you, but… To such lengths? Really? If only Barbatos could see him now. 

For a man that loves to talk… He sure is speechless now.

He’s frozen. The panicked expression remains on his face, his eyes flickering from the surrounding hallways and walls to you, to the floor, and back to the hallways. If there was a way out, he couldn’t find it. Before long, he deflated, resigning to looking down, a pitiful pout on his face. You got the feeling it was partially for show, though.

He whimpered like a hurt puppy before muttering a very formal apology. Keeping his head down, he held out the panties towards you. As you watch him, you realize this man has probably rarely ever felt shame before. It's almost entertaining - watching his eyes spin as he tries to adjust to feeling this way. Though he tries to hide it, you can hear his heaving breaths from here. He was ashamed. You could tell he wasn't ashamed for his actions; rather, he was ashamed because he was caught.

The thought makes you want to laugh, and you do, snatching the panties from his waiting hand. He looks up as you laugh, confused, his lips in a soft pout. His eyes almost look teary, as though he's that sad that you're laughing at him. You stifle your laughter with a hand and wave it off, walking past him into the laundry room to put your panties back in the hamper. Once your laughter dies out, you don't face him, but you do speak to him, knowing he is listening.

"Dia, the next time you find yourself fascinated with me, you can just ask. I'll be happy to spare a worn pair for your sake." 

You hear a surprised gasp, a shuffling of feet, and a relieved exhale. You turn to him, finally, to see him bowing his head in thanks. He's biting his lip and his face is bright red. Probably too embarrassed to make eye contact. He covers his mouth with his hand, muffling his words before speaking.

"Thank you, MC, for letting this slide… And please, don't tell Barbatos…" His face burns red at his final words, and you smile, amused.

"Don't worry, I won't tell." You wink at him before returning to your laundry, hearing his hesitant steps as he walked away.

Barbatos:

He's frozen. Mortified. He stands there, rooted to the spot like a statue of stone. He stammers out your name in surprise, nervously shifting his gaze from you to your surroundings. He clears his throat, holding a hand up to his lips, and keeps it there, as though attempting to hide his growing blush. "I-I deeply apologize, MC. I should not have been here… You were not meant to see me… " He sounds out of breath, his words light and mumbled.

He turns away from you at an angle, shutting his eyes tight and keeping his hand in front of his face. You watch him take deep breaths and attempt to steady himself and regain his composure. You had to admit, watching him fumble through such an embarrassment was awfully entertaining. His chest visibly rose and fell with each audible breath. He gently teetered on his feet, as though he could fall over if he couldn't keep up. What a sight to behold, Barbatos at a loss for words and composure. 

You approach him quietly, walking slowly to prevent the click of your shoes from being heard. You know that while he can't hear you, he can feel you, and he knows you're close. He shuffles backwards shyly, attempting to replace the distance you remove with every step. Ultimately, however, he is too slow, and you manage to get close enough to him, cornering him against a wall inside the laundry room. You make no effort to cage him in, but simply watch as he continues to attempt to get ahold of himself. He swallows thickly and slowly opens his eyes, calming down. He lowers his hand back to his side, and looks at you levelly, his expression still embarrassed but not mortified any longer. You smile, raising an eyebrow.

"I'd like my panties now, thanks." You hold out a hand expectantly, and Barbatos obliges, pulling the panties from his coat pocket and placing them in your waiting hand, all signs of embarrassment gone from his face, replaced by his trademark smile instead. His ears however, were a dead giveaway, as the tips of them remained red. You simply chuckle and lean away from him, humming in thanks and placing them back into the hamper. He moves to assist you with your clothes, and does so efficiently, though you watch him carefully to ensure his nimble fingers don’t grab hold of anything else without your permission. When the task is finished, he bows respectfully.

“Is there anything else I can assist you with, MC?” 

You shake your head, smiling. “No, but thank you, Barbatos.”

With that done, his ears still burning red and his smile faltering slightly, he moves to leave. You stop him, grabbing his arm as he passes you. He looks back at you curiously, embarrassment still painted on his face. “And, please, ask me next time.” You smile, your eyes filling with mirth. “I’d be happy to give you a pair later as thanks for your assistance.”

He swallows thickly and his eyes widen. He bites his lip before nodding, thanking you briskly, and walking away hurriedly, his face red.

You think you see a flash of lace in his back pocket as he leaves, but maybe you’re imagining it...

Simeon:

Now, this was a surprise. The angel? Really?

He yelps in surprise, fumbling with the panties and dropping them on the ground, hiding his face in his hands and backing into a wall. He’s visibly shaking, his hands trembling as he hides behind them, not even peeking out to observe your reaction. His knees wobbled and he began to shrink in on himself, eventually kneeling on the floor. You watch him wordlessly, amused. He’s unexpectedly quite dramatic. 

After a few moments, you hear him mumbling to himself. Confused, you tentatively approach him, listening carefully. You catch little bits of what he’s saying before kneeling down, to which he shrinks further and his mumbling speed increases. Then it hits you. He’s… praying.

He’s literally fucking praying. 

You are so thoroughly amused at this that you want to laugh, but you wonder if being a victim of the wrath of Simeon or the almighty was worth it, so you decide against it. You stifle and disguise your laugh as clearing your throat, doing a comically loud “Ahem” to get Simeon’s attention.

Not one to be disobedient, he stops his muttering and slowly lifts his head to look at you. You smile smugly at him, your eyes narrowing with mirth. You reach out towards him and gently touch his chin. He flinches, but doesn’t pull away, looking between your fingers and your face curiously. You hold his chin and lift it upwards, and he follows your movements, adjusting himself so it’s easier to peer upwards at you. You smile wider, even more amused than before. 

“I don’t think that’ll work down here, Simeon.” Your voice is low and taunting, and Simeon gulps, his eyes still not leaving yours. He still doesn’t say anything, merely trembles, as though he were being judged.

Maybe he was, a little bit, but favorably so. It’s not everyday you’d find an angel ballsy enough to do this, right?

You tut at him, clicking your tongue and shaking your head disapprovingly. “Oh, Simeon…” You put on a fake pout, looking at him with pity in your eyes. “Don’t you know better than to do this?”

“Ugh…” Simeon bites his lip. His eyebrows furrow and his mouth creases downwards into a pathetic expression. You continued to stifle your laughter by biting the inside of your cheek. However, you are ultimately unsuccessful and end up bursting into an amused smile and a few breathy chuckles at him. 

When your laughter dies down, you look at him, still holding his chin. “Come now, Simeon.” You smile, winking at him. “All you have to do is ask… If you‘d like another pair.”

Simeon sucks in a breath in shock, and his eyes widen as he looks at you. He suddenly scrambles to his feet, straightening up, his head still bent forward in embarrassment. 

“I-I’m sorry, MC! It won’t happen again!” He swiftly walks past you, not looking at you and barely opening his eyes enough to see, narrowly missing the wall in his rush to leave. You listen to his retreating footsteps and only laugh. Maybe you’d drop by his room later and give him a gift.

Solomon: 

Shameless. But he’s old and barely human. He’s also the worst.

He doesn’t react much besides his initial panicked reaction, which soon melts into mirth, a smug smile appearing on his face. He’s confident, but not that confident. His exaggerated smug smile twitches at the corners and his face remains flushed a deep red. He dramatically clears his throat and smiles coyly, the picture of a wolf in sheep’s clothing. “Ah…” He starts, shrugging his shoulders, still smiling, the corners of his lips still twitching. His voice shakes just slightly. “You got me!”

Your face can’t seem to decide if it wants to fall into a disappointed expression at his brazen admission or burst into a fit of laughter at his obvious fear. Instead, it seems to settle on a pitying smirk, and you have to stop it from turning into a full on grin. You sigh and shake your head, not super surprised. 

You approach him, and he visibly stiffens, but his arrogance forces him to stay in place, his confidence crumbling at your certainty. When you stand just in front of him, you hold out your hand, a smug look on your face. “I’ve got you indeed! Hand them over.” Your words are quick and terse, smug smile and knowing look still on your face. Solomon swallows, and looks to the side, gently dropping the panties into your hands. He makes no move to look at you again after that, still facing you but looking away. 

You scoff as you watch him simply stand there. You find it amusing, but you are also dissatisfied at his lack of retorts. You put your hands on your hips and smirk, attempting to provoke him. “Hm. I’d expect a panty thief to be more ballsy. What, cat got your tongue?” Your smug smile only grows and your eyes narrow with mirth. His confidence almost seems to fully crumble under your gaze, and he relents, his blush spreading all across his face. Yet still, he remains silent.

You approach further, your steps slow and deliberately intimidating. He’s rooted to the spot, unable to move, still frantically finding anything to gaze at instead of you. Eventually you stand mere centimeters from him, your body just barely touching his. You smirk at him and lean your head forward, blowing on him before pulling back. He flinches immediately, startled, and bumps into the wall behind him. You giggle at him, thoroughly amused at his frantic nerves. He looks at you pathetically, lips red from worrying at them with his teeth, pupils blown wide, red blush from his forehead to his neck. 

“Aw, don’t look at me like that~!” You tease him, pressing your finger into his cheek. He watches you warily, seemingly at a loss for words. Your lips pull into a wicked smile. “How long has it been, hm?”

Immediately his eyes widen and he stammers out some indignant words, trying to deflect and explain himself. You only laugh at his stammered words, and he eventually stops, worrying at his lips again with his teeth. “Oh, don’t worry, I imagine you have plenty of escapades. But why couldn’t you just ask me?” You tilt your head at him, looking at him with hooded eyes. “Hm? It couldn’t have been that hard to just ask.”

Surprisingly, he only sighs and shakes his head, blush still present. “My dear apprentice, I am only human. Even I still don’t know how to properly act in the face of attraction.” A small, wobbly smile pulls at his lips before he purses his lips again, biting down to stifle any further words. His answer was straightforward, but you can tell he is still nervous. His breathing remains heavy, his eyes are still wide, and he’s still covered in a crimson blush. You laugh again.

Instead of teasing him further, though you really want to, you smile. “Well, now you know. Simply ask, Solomon. I am willing to help you… if you want me to.” You smile before turning away, dropping the panties into your clothes hamper, and starting the wash. It takes Solomon a moment to snap out of it and leave, but he does. You could feel his eyes on you and his magic still lingers in the air.

a/n: *super saiyan yells* thank you for reading waaaaaah! i did my best and im soso sorry if any of these characs are ooc... if they are too ooc i might actually rewrite it fr im so scared :(

anyways as usual feedback is always appreciated, and so are comments, likes, reblogs and asks! (especially asks) please show me your appreciation! i love to know i've done a good job.

@ikevampharem asked to be tagged :3!

[harley-style]

Back on my TWEWY!VBS au bullshit

Featuring headcanons post-Game!!

Toya is less reserved and does things without a hint of shame to the embarrassment of the others

He randomly kisses his teammates (akito corner of mouth, kohane's fingers, an's cheeks) just to see them redden. He enjoys it immensely.

Hes still rlly kind and earnest and genuine but the game kinda fucked with him yanno he's adopted a yolo kinda mindset

Akito is more or less settled in his own skin. Hes had to get some help from others but ultimately he realizes that even without his passion/dream or talent, he is still a very good person and someone important to his team. Hes more of a live for the people you love kinda guy now

Hes still temperamental and moody but around his team he's less harsh and moreso just blunt

When hes embarrassed, he will find kohane first to bury his head in her hair, if he cant find her its an's shoulder, and when those two arent around toya's jacket it is. (Toya does most of the teasing to him, so more than likely akito's trying to hide from him)

An turns up the physical affection a lot. You will now see her hanging off toya and akito's shoulders, linking arms with kohane or just in general having an arm wrapped around their waists

Shes scared if she lets go of them theyll disappear haha abandonment issues go brrrrr

She likes changing up her hairstyle a lot, and lets kohane and akito mess with it. Kohane likes brushing an's hair a lot

Kohane goes nonverbal a lot bc she forgets she has her voice again

When it happens in a show she somehow finds a way to make sure the audience is still engaged haha. She might force herself to make sounds just to backup their song vocals, but this is rare. An akito and toya can tell when she cant speak so taking over her lines is seamless

Though toya once done goofed by doing his funky kohane voice like he does in the hollow song. He thought itd be funny....akito didnt talk to him for a day

All four of them get odd when ppl ask them about their incident and the one week hospitalization

Toya is the most normal, you ask him about it and he just goes quiet and doesnt want to talk about it. Its like attributed to a regular trauma response, bc to everyone else vbs DID nearly die so like.

Akito kinda avoids the issue. When ena corners him about it he shifts to his more polite persona except its jarring bc you can feel him glaring at you. Ena of course is confrontational so another fight breaks out between them

An gets super weird. She starts acting like Nagi -- it was never noticeable at first but the longer she did it ppl started to get concerned.

Kohane suddenly goes Akito Mode, getting all grumpy and huffy haha. Just dont ask about the game to her, it wont end well

Did i mention Joshua becomes Toya's music teacher? Harumichi goes bug eyed at this bc Joshua is kinda famous with classical musicians. That toya managed to ask him for lessons is insane. He starts thinking that toya is back on the classical music grind

Joshua shoots that down pretty quick and says hes a music teacher, not a classical only teacher. Hes got a condition for toya to come to him for lessons, and thats to continue his activities with VBS and succeed at them. Harumichi is stunned lmao

Kohane pesters Neku a lot, as more visually creative people. He helps her create a tag for VBS bc surprise graffitti artist kohane wheeee

She has An or Akito spot her a lot.

No one knows if VBS is dating or not and tbh neither do they, they just like being close.

Akito gets annoyed with some of the reaper uniforms and drags mizuki to help him redesign them (mizuki doesnt know about reapers lol)

An learns breakdancing! She puts a blush on her partners' faces everytime she makes a move, bc goddamn An is fucking gorgeous

They all take commissions and requests from shibuya to perform haha. Ken is surprised when some well known person goes into Weekend Garage to ask specifically for VBS

Ken somehow also becomes their manager. An has tried to tell him he doesnt have to, they can manage, but goddamnit Ken nearly lost his daughter and her friends (ppl he considers his own kids at this point) he really doesnt want to let them out of his sight

The SEKAI changes too. Its still a street sekai, but now there are more...people, kinda? Like in stage sekai theres an audience, the livehouses in Street Sekai have audiences too, which delight the vocaloids

Somehow there are also shops and stores containing the kids' interests

The changes are honestly due to the influences the twewy cast has on VBS. Their souls are unnaturally strong, so some part of their soul latches onto the VBS squad and sorta imprints on the sekai.

Its like fragment sekais but it anchors to the street sekai itself so it becomes stable

So now VBS goes exploring their sekai a lot. Kohane likes going to the rooftops, toya tours the livehouses, an and akito go through the stores

[norfkid]

was tagged by @patronsaintofdesire to answer these questions and tag nine people you want to get to know better! thank you, malina :]

last song: as of writing this, marie doucer, marie colère by manon hollander from the john wick 4 soundtrack. it's essentially a french version of paint it black by the rolling stones & it's a banger

favourite colour: i always say yellow (like a gold yellow, #ffc000), but by that i usually mean the combination of black & yellow. i'm also pretty fond of the greyish-blue i use on my blog (#7b9e9a)

last film/tv show: the last thing i watched in full was point break (ty andrew @busaikuknee for initially convincing me to watch it, "keanu reeves has to learn how to surf to solve robberies" is a truly baffling concept & no one will ever do it again). i say "in full" bc also been revisiting a lot of clips from ip man 1-4 so in my head it feels like i've rewatched those too

sweet/spicy/savoury: savoury. i don't have sweet things very often, and while i can tolerate fairly spicy food i just don't enjoy it that much (i'm a massive disappointment to my family)

relationship status: philosophically speaking, aren’t we all single?

last thing i googled: cozmo and vector robots! i saw a video somewhere of these guys and got so excited. they're these rly cute little WALL-E -esque robot friends made by an american robotics/ai startup called Anki, who specialised in robotics technology for children. i looked online to see if they were still around, but they've been discontinued since the company went bankrupt in April 2019 <\3

also related, there's this article from 2019 i read called Discovery of the Uncanny Valley that briefly mentions the Vector robots, but also discusses other examples of technology made in the past that have these human-like attributes given to them. it's a light read & there are some links to other similar articles at the end if you're into that stuff :]

current obsession: well, wrestling is always a given. i've fallen out with njpw for months now, but i've been watching more pro wrestling noah instead & i'm loving it tbh

apart from that, i've been watching a lot of Donnie Yen films bc i'm a little bit a lot in love with the old man (60 y/o btw & looks like that, fucking wild man). and by proxy i've been learning a bit about chinese martial arts (wing chun, in particular (a southern chinese style that influenced guys like ip man, bruce lee, jackie chan, sammo hung, donnie yen, etc etc)) through his interviews and stuff.

it's funny that i'm always so interested in "sports" i can't ever physically do & they always have some element of storytelling/performance and coordination... the martial arts to stunt performance to choreography to dance pipeline is all just so fucking fascinating.

i think chinese martials arts has gripped me bc all these 70s/80s/90s films made in china rely so much on pulling off wild stunts and fights without the budget for cgi and equipment. not to discredit the guys that do their own stunts in hollywood, but it's rare and always cause for celebration... in chinese filmmaking it's so normal. and as a result their performances are just so real and visceral. like, i watch wrestling ffs, ofc i'm drawn to films where storytelling and physicality intertwine. you construct intricate rituals etc etc

on that note, i'm really excited by the new wave of stunt performers turned film directors we've been getting. guys like Yuen Woo-Ping (Matrix Reloaded, Drunken Master) are already established in coordinating incredible scenes and stunts, but more recently: Chad Stalenski (the John Wick films), David Leitch (Bullet Train, Atomic Blonde), Sam Hargrave (Extraction), etc. there's a sort of magic lost in all these mainstream big budget marvel superhero and hollywood action films where fight scenes are so easily ruined by a thousand jumpcuts and wiring and fantasy, but these guys are bringing back that special smth, that authenticity and grittiness (not only in their choreography, but in the filmmaking and cinematography of those fight scenes too). it's so refreshing & i’m fucking nerd sorry

not so much an obsession, but i've also developed a new, old appreciation for woodwork (carving, whittling, joinery, etc) & in another life i think i would have loved to be a carpenter...

last book: admittedly, i don't read. tho i got a joblot of old hellblazer comics from ebay recently and have been meaning to revisit them

looking forward to: not much really... i find it hard to think about the distant future & i don't get that sense of anticipation and motivation from long-term plans. maybe getting this third and last year of uni over and bloody done with? which is incidentally something i'm absolutely dreading (“you need to get a job, you need to get a job, you need to get—”)

[nanaminshousewife]

cardigan - s. gojo

cardigan - taylor swift

genre: angst, hurt/comfort, fluff

warnings: manga spoilers, mentions of death.

gn! reader

gojo was arrogant. that was a fact of life, known by everyone around him as well as himself. arrogant and young, a combination that meant many did not take him seriously. yes, he was the strongest, an attribute he gloated about often, waved in the faces of the higher-ups as the truth they hated to acknowledge. but with strength and his sometimes irritating level of self-confidence came the feeling that he was fighting a losing battle.

since suguru had left it had become gojo’s mission to let the young live their youth. it was the least he could do after seeing how the higher ups exploited the naivety of the yyoung. what right did they have? they sat in their high chairs, fat with authority and leisure, lauding their age as if it gave them the right to send 15 year olds to their death, or worse - into the arms if those they were risking their very lives to protect civilians for. he’d be damned if he ever let it happen again. he wouldn’t let his best friends story be repeated, wouldn’t let another live with the grief.

so he worked, taking in kids and making them resilient both physically and mentally. he worked for them, behind closed doors, silently and skillfully so that they would survive, and you cared for him, picking up the pieces and fixing him up in the mean time. 

he’d come home from battles physically unscathed, but mentally shaken. every battle was a struggle for survival - rarely, if ever for him, but for his kids it was a grim possibility. gojo still hadn’t come to terms with it, the fact that he could lose them at anytime, bad practice for a person in his profession he knew, but the thought of it was something he avoided at all costs. putting these worries into words wasn’t easy for him, the seemingly impossible prospect of having a concrete grasp on his feelings only dwarfed by the fear of putting his tangle of emotions into words. but you were patient with him, reminding him that despite the image he put out, and the youth he rebelliously held onto that his struggle mattered. 

it gave him some relief, the home he had made in you. you provided him a solace, a peaceful hide-away from the harsh reality that he had grown up in, taking the pieces of him he found ugly and worn and loving despite the glaring flaws they held. you saw through his bluster to his heart so easily he thinks you should have the six-eyes instead of him. he’s thankful, never voicing it of course, instead making it known in his actions, and hoping you’ll get the message.

(he knows you will) 

a/n: quick drabble bc i couldn’t get this concept out of my mind. hope you enjoy!

reblogs appreciated! 

[pascalpanic]

Popping Pearls and Purple Skies (Din Djarin x f!reader)

Summary: While in your home system, Din takes you to your home planet for your favorite treat.

W/C: 3.6k

Warnings: food mention, Star Wars cursing lol, mentions of physical fighting, mentions of trauma

A/N: okay. this was inspired by me thinking Grogu would love popping boba bc he loved the frog lady’s eggs so much!! I hope I did it okay :) Siruus, reader’s home planet, is supposed to be a mishmash of cultures, none specifically, I just picked cool elements from a variety of cultures!

One of the delights you missed most from your home planet was, you discovered, practically unattainable on any other planet. You’d scoured far and wide, hoping maybe you’d cross paths with another Siruusian or an admirer of the culture, but found nothing. It was only on Siruus that you could find your favorite drink: a milky tea with popping pearls.

Din knows you miss your home. Late at night, in the hull of the ship, he’d confide that he missed his home planet too. He told you tales of growing up in Aq Vetina, the feather-light and velvety robes that he wore every day, the spicy foods his mother would cook- which later made him a great Mandalorian.

Did you know that the Mandos love spicy food, cyare? We have a whole vocabulary to describe the heat of a dish. It’s traditional. I was raised on it, and the comfort of a burning mouth was a universal sensation: one that reminded me of my real parents and my adoptive clan.

Rarely did the Mandalorian man let his guard down, but never had he completely done so like he has with you. From the moment he hired you to care for his little green son, he’d been entranced by your laughter, the smooth sound of your voice in the language you’d been raised speaking. He caught you teaching the kid some vocabulary, and he’d quiz him on it when you weren’t around. The kid couldn’t speak yet, but he could point and match words to images or objects, which he attributed entirely to you. You were the child’s primary caretaker and kindergarten teacher in one, and Din admired your care and commitment.

Something about you spoke to him, and over time he thinks he came to realize it was the fact that, though you’d never heard of The Way before meeting Din, you were the holistic ideal of a Mandalorian. You valued knowledge and valor, and though you didn’t work in the traditional Mando fields of bounty hunting or working as a warrior, you embodied another aspect: that care for children.

Watching you with the kid was what made him realize he was in love with you. He’d told you everything. When you looked over your shoulder and laughed, the baby watching you too, the gaze was a love Din has never felt but immediately recognized. It hit him and his whole body shuddered, harder than it had when the Maldo Kreis cold had seeped into his bones, even through the beskar. At the same time, he felt too warm in his own skin, like the fever he’d had as a toddler that threatened his life- he’d told you that story too.  Dank Farrik. This was not in the plan.

You had told Din all about your home planet too. You told him of the bright flowers that bloomed in the cold of winter, that released a pollen that made the birds in the area start laying their eggs. He listened intently every time, clinging to every word he told you like he’d never hear that beautiful voice again. He’d hear you singing Siruusian lullabies to the baby, and on nights you missed home.

He’d offered to take you back many times. Any time you were near, there was a standing offer to pop in for a visit. But you’ve always declined; the child and Mando would bring too much attention to your quiet little planet, you explained. That was only partially true, so you didn’t feel as bad lying by omission to Din. You’d neglected to mention, every time, that this was your life now, and more specifically that you never want to leave his side again.

Din really is something. You’d never even heard of Mandalorians before he swept you off your planet, never understood the intricate Creed and their strong beliefs. It didn’t matter to you, that you couldn’t see his face; at least at first. Of course you’d respect the slightly terrifying man’s customs.

But over time you’ve fallen for him, and that’s made everything just a little harder. The man seemingly made of steel was warm and gentle beneath it, with you and the child. He’d wrangle a bounty into the carbonite freezer then tenderly tuck a flower he found behind your ear, calling you sweet names in Mando’a that you didn’t understand. The juxtaposition of the man’s very being- covered in impenetrable, freezing metal to hide an ooey-gooey center like that of a warm pastry- was exciting and beautiful to you.

How could you not fall in love? The three of you became a little family, even as you joined Din on the quest of returning your little green son to his people. You’d treated the baby as your own son, the way Din did too. You’d tried to shepherd him away from the Frog woman’s eggs, only to find him munching on them moments later, scolded him with love and promptly hidden the container.

That day made you miss home even more. The eggs reminded you of the popping pearls you loved so much- no wonder the kid loved them. You’d never eat the Frog’s eggs, of course, but you’d sung the baby to sleep that night in the hull of the ship, another lullaby from your youth. Maybe next time you’d take Din’s offer to visit home seriously. Maybe. There was still another reason you didn’t want to return: if you came home, you weren’t sure you could leave again.

Now you’re in hyperspace, nestled into the small bunk, your child snoozing softly above you with gentle grunts and snorts of sleep. Din is up in the cockpit and you can’t sleep. You wonder if he’s awake too. Maybe you’ll go check.

Sliding on warm slippers to pad your bare feet from the cold metal of the floor, you climb the ladder to the cockpit and see Din sitting in the captain’s chair. You’re unsure if he’s awake or not; it’s hard to tell through the beskar. His shoulders shift a little as he hears you moving and you can tell he’s awake. “Hi. Couldn’t sleep,” you admit as you assume your regular position. The chairs move with the pull of a lever, and you scoot yours closer to Din and prop your feet on his arm rest.

Din nods, resting against the chair. “Me neither. The kid?”

“Asleep,” you confirm and nod, slumping down in your seat.

It’s nice and quiet between the two of you, a relaxed silence as the stars fly past and the Crest hums its low rumble of engines and filters. Just being in his presence soothes you more than being alone in that coffin of a bunk. If you think this is calming, you ponder, just his presence, imagine his arms around you while you sleep. Imagine his warm skin beneath the beskar surrounding you and radiating heat.

He’s thinking the same thing. You look impossibly soft and warm. Your plush skin prickles with the cold of the cockpit and Din wants to put an ungloved hand over it and let the heat of his flushed body sink into yours. He doesn’t. He just stares off at the stars. “We’re approaching your home system,” he murmurs softly. “Would you like to visit?”

Well damn. You hadn’t expected to be confronted with the question so soon, and you’re not quite sure how to answer. “I don’t know.”

It’s quiet again. Din’s silence invites you to speak your inner monologue, to throw your tangled thoughts into the open so he can help unknot them with his nimble mind. In response to his lack of words, which say as much as any sentence, you respond. “I haven’t been there in so long. I don’t know if I want to go back. I like my life now, and I’m scared I’ll want to stay if we visit.”

Din nods as you speak, processing the meanings of your words. “Well,” he begins, “what if I rephrase it like this: would you like us to visit?”

Us. What the kriff does that entail? The three of you, your little family, perhaps? You and Din as friends, as coworkers? Or as something more… your mind spins and you can’t make sense of it, so you give it up. “What does that mean?”

Din turns his chair to face you, moving your legs to drape across his lap. Even through the gloves, he holds back a shiver as he rests his hands atop your shins. “We’ll go, all three of us. If you like your life now, we’ll be your reminders of it.”

Your mouth curves into a warm smile, your body feeling soft and fuzzy all over. “How kind.”

“I’ll even buy you that tea you ramble about,” he offers.

Gasping in excitement, you clap your hands together. “Will you try it? Oh, Din, you’ll love it, it’s the most delicious thing in the galaxy.”

“We’ll see about that,” he chuckles through the modulator, a sound you wish you could hear without the mechanical suppressor.

Popping up, you kiss the top of his beskar-clad head in excitement before you can stop yourself. “Thank you, Din.”

“Anything for you, cyare,” he says with a certain warmth to his voice, a large hand finding your waist. “Go get some rest, lie down. We’ll be there in about half a day.”

“Only if you rest too,” you tell him and your hand rests over his. It’s the most he’s ever touched you purposefully, and now all you want is for him to slide that hand back until he’s wrapping you in his muscular arms. Din nods and you pat his forearm. “Sweet dreams.”

-

The ramp comes down and your mouth forms a soft ring in excitement. It’s a beautiful day, the nearest sun making the atmosphere the beautiful purple you grew up under. The oranges and yellows of the architecture surround you, and you instinctively clutch the Mandalorian’s hand. “Welcome to my home,” you tell him with a grin and lead him down.

Your little green child is strapped to your chest in a baby carrier, a birikad in Mando’a, and he looks around in wonder, squealing excitedly. As you walk through the streets of the small city, vendors call in Siruusian, a language Din is slowly learning from you. He thinks he recognizes a few words here or there.

Venturing to the side, a stall sells small animals made of a gorgeously embroidered fabric. You had many of these as a child; your favorite was a blue and silver bantha, an exotic animal you’d never seen before your adventures with Din. The child coos at the menagerie in front of him and you squat so he can look at them.

“Toata,” you coo in Siruusian, a word to mean little one, “can you pick the frog?”

That’s one of the words you worked on with him. A tiny, green, three-fingered hand grabs a gorgeous yellowy-brown frog and holds it up in triumph. “Good job, cutie! Aren’t you a smart little thing?” you grin and kiss his forehead. “Is that the one you want?”

Din watches from a few meters back, grinning beneath the helmet. When the child nods excitedly and squeals, he almost laughs softly at the beautiful sight. You pay for the frog and Din meanders over, the baby already chewing on a long leg of the plush.

He wants to see you like that for the rest of his life: glowing with excitement, the little kid strapped to your chest, absolutely at ease and relaxed in the place you used to call home. “You want one too?” you ask.

He shakes his head at first, but after a little haggling, Din purchases himself a copper and yellow blurrg and a mudhorn made of silver for you. The symbolism of the mudhorn, of Clan Djarin, is not lost on you. It makes your heart flit nervously around your ribcage as you wander through the market, making your little mudhorn and the baby’s frog pretend to fight. As always, the littlest member of Clan Djarin triumphs over the mighty mudhorn.

An aromatic smell wafts through the air and your face lights up to see a stand selling your favorite beverage. Din spots it too and makes his way over, getting in the line, his hand holding yours once again. This time, he initiated it. You like that. It makes you giggle and squeeze his fingers softly.

“What do you usually order?” he asks you.

You frown and scan the menu. You explain your drink to him, an orange-colored, sweet and herbal milk tea with your favorite citrusy popping pearls in the bottom. He asks what you think he’d like and you pick a drink for him: a blue, warmly-spiced milk tea with the same pearls. “It’s not the proper drink without it,” you explain.

Picking the baby from his carrier to face you, you ask him questions by the process of elimination. “Okay, toata, do you like… mushfruit?” He makes a noise of disproval. You knew he hated that one; you wanted to ensure he was listening. “No? How about…” you pretend to ponder it. “How about panga?”

The baby squeals in excitement. The green fruit has always been his favorite when you and Din require him to eat his fruit. “Wonderful, and a panga milk tea with you. Do you remember froggie’s eggs?” You ask him, pointing to the frog toy he holds. He tilts his head in confusion.

“The snackies I said no?” That clue does it. He nods, cooing and giggling. “These taste like those! You’ll love it.”

The rest of the time in the line is quiet, shuffling forward slowly to reach the stand. “Is it what you’d hoped?” Din asks after a while.

You nod and smile. “As soon as I get my tea, it will be.”

“And you… you don’t want to stay?”

“Nope,” you agree, popping the p with your lips.

He doesn’t know quite what to say. He’s not the wordsmith you are. “Well. I’m glad. I, uh. I’d miss you if you left.”

The words are simple but they warm your heart. “I’d miss the two of you far too much to leave,” you assure him. “For different reasons, respectively.”

Your flirtation is more than mild, but it hangs in Din’s mouth like a spicy Mandalorian food. He knows what you imply, and the thought that you could feel the same practically sends him into orbit, above Siruus’s atmosphere and next to one of its 4 moons. He can’t respond. He just tightens his grip on your hand.

Once you’ve acquired the drinks, Din holding his and the child’s, the three of you make your way back to the Razor Crest so Din can enjoy the drink too. Walking up the ramp, you sigh as the air-controlled atmosphere warms your slightly-chilled skin from being outside for so long in the Siruusian spring.

You unpack the kid from his carrier, and grin as he toddles to his father, making grabby hands for his green drink. “Oh my, toata,” you tease. “Your drink is the same color as you!”

Din laughs softly, and sets the drink on the floor for him. The baby tries to hold it and walk but the cup is too tall to move with his tiny body. You lift it for him and move it so he can sit in a circle with you and Din, cross-legged on the floor.

The baby plops down in front of his drink then realizes it’s too tall for him to sip from the thick straw while seated. The baby makes a little whine of frustration and you scoop up the kid, putting him in your lap. You hold the cup for him, and his two tiny hands grab the straw to drink from. The baby squeaks as he pops a pearl in his mouth. It’s just like the froggy eggs, and he couldn’t be more excited.

Your free hand holds your drink, and you close your eyes in happiness when the first sip of your tea reaches your tongue. You make a content little moan at the flavor, then open your eyes to see the child vigorously slurping up the drink. “Woah, little man. Slow down.”

Din just watches the two of you, smiling to himself. When your eyes return to him, he lifts his drink. “I’m not really supposed to do this,” he admits as he grabs the edge of his helmet. Both you and the child watch in bewilderment as he lifts his helmet just enough to expose the bottom of his nose, his lips and chin.

You’d never really processed that Din would be… well, so human. The strip of his face, exposed, reveals warm skin, dark stubble, and lips that look ridiculously soft. It’s a sight to see, a Mandalorian cross-legged on the floor and sipping tea with popping pearls. It makes you grin, and both you and the baby lean in closer to try and look under the helmet further.

“That’s as much as you get,” Din teases as he lowers the helmet, once more covering his entire face.

You frown, but the excitement of Din trying your favorite treat overwhelms it for now. “What do you think?” You ask.

Din tilts his head and does exactly that: thinks. “It’s very good,” he nods as he looks at the child, nearly halfway done with his green milk-tea. “I really like it. That’s delicious.”

“Yay,” you smile and sip your own drink again, sighing. The three of you continue like that for a while, sitting together and drinking your tea. Every time he lifts his helmet, you consider those plush lips, the scruff coating his defined jaw and chin. When his tea is gone, you frown to realize the moment of intimacy, of seeing just a little of his face, is over.

The kid is tuckered out from his day. You put the baby to bed in his hammock over the bunk, kissing him goodnight and singing him a lullaby as you rock the knit cradle. He falls asleep quickly,  tummy full of a delicious treat very similar to his favorite snack. While you put the child to bed, Din pilots you safely out of the sky harbor and away from Siruus, out of the purple-tinted sky and back into the darkness of space followed by hyperdrive.

You climb up to the cockpit, entering and standing behind Din’s captain chair. “I had a wonderful time today. Thank you.” You put your hands on his pauldron-covered shoulders.

“Thank you,” he insists. “I’d never go there for any other reason. The drink was wonderful and the kid absolutely loved everything about it.” “Maybe we’ll have to vacation there sometime,” you chuckle, spotting Din’s little toy blurrg peeking out from a pocket on his utility belt.

Din turns and stands from his chair, looking at you through that black t-visor. You’re not sure why he does it; in all honesty, he isn’t either. You stare into the helmet, where you suspect and hope his eyes are. “You’re very handsome under there,” you tell him, putting a hand on the divot of his helmet, where the beskar caves inward over his cheeks.

“I’m nothing special,” he shakes his head, a hand covering yours. “Nowhere as special or as beautiful as you.”

Heat rises in your skin, blood flowing closer to the surface. “That’s not true, Din.”

“It is. You’re the most beautiful creature I’ve seen in the galaxy,” he murmurs, his other hand cupping your cheek through leather gloves.

“Well, thank you,” you laugh softly, almost nervously, “but I meant you’re very special. I haven’t even seen all of your face and I know you’re absolutely gorgeous beneath that helmet.” You pause, tracing the curves of the beskar. “What color eyes do you have? I want to finish the mental picture.”

“Brown,” Din breathes out, barely able to control himself with you this close.

“Din?”

“Mesh’la.”

“Can… can you do what you did with your helmet to drink the tea?”

He lifts it just enough, just exposing those goddamn taunting lips and the scruffy jaw. “Like this?”

“Exactly,” you exhale before cupping his soft jaw, feeling the stubble beneath your palms as you press your lips to his. Those lips are a little dry but warm and strong, just like you’d assume the rest of him is. He puts a hand on your waist and pulls you in close, kissing you back deeply.

The beskar right above his lips makes it more difficult but not impossible. He lifts the helmet a little higher so he can tilt his head to the side, can kiss you with the energy and passion you’re putting into it. Mentally, he adds this to his lists of favorite tastes: spicy Mandalorian cuisine, your favorite tea with popping pearls, and you.

It lasts a while before you break away and Din lowers his helmet all the way once more. You breathe heavily from the fervor of the kiss, lips swollen and damp. Maker, he wishes this visor had a photo capability to take a picture of the way you look. “Come rest with me. Please, Din.”

Din can’t say no to that. He retreats downstairs with you, strips himself of the beskar save for the helmet, and snuggles into your side. Your wish comes true then and there, when you learn that he’s as good of a cuddler as you’d hoped. “Goodnight, Din. Thank you,” you murmur.

“Goodnight, mesh’la. Thank you more.”

The baby above you gives a little snort in his sleep. That’s the last thing you remember before falling asleep in his arms.

-

Taglist: @remmysbounty @mishasminion360 @blo0dangel @binarydanvvers  @sleep-tight1 @apascalrascal @randomness501 @spideysimpossiblegirl @notabotiswear @pedro-pastel @sanchosammy @lv7867 @greeneyedblondie44 @hunnambabe @astoryisaloveaffair @emesispo @pedritobalmando @magikfanatic @a-court-of-feysand-and-elorcan @princess76179 @starless-eyes-remain @tacticalsparkles @1800-fight-me

[deripmaver]

y’all read that tor.com article right??? the one that was just another “yaoi/omegaverse/whatever is just putting mlm couples into cishet roles”??? this one here. well maybe not but im bored and its annoying me so im gonna make a long post on it

nice ratio did ur MOM pick it out for u??? jk ok

the biggest flaw in this article is, imo, assuming that this is a new, untapped topic of discussion, and not a debate that’s existed since time immemorial - or at least as long as fandom has been a thing. every point the author brings up has been hashed out and rehashed to absolute death, and it brings absolutely nothing new to the table beyond the same bland platitudes and critiques i’ve heard dozens of times. 

this article doesn’t even bring up the boogeyman of the “cishet white girl fetishizing mlm” it’s about queer people writing fanfic, which imo makes it all the more egregious. 

how?????????????? is this not queer???????????????? a lot of this makes me think of the discussion about how gay marriage was less important than other forms of queer liberation bc it just allowed queer folks to assimilate into a cisheteronormative lifestyle. 

the article then goes into how people change the physical attributes of the two men to have them better fit into a “male” and “female” esque role. i think the above sentence was meant more as a lead in to how the two men will be shoehorned into roles based on their physical attributes, which is them being shoehorned into a male/female dynamic, but still. two men In Love is very much queer. actually, lol, tangent but there’s this song “two men in love” that latvian figure skater deniss vasiljevs skated to as an exhibition, and tv channels kept censoring its name, so....

as folks will point out, the Large Top/Small Bottom dynamic is one that actually does exist among some irl queer men. i’m very firmly of the opinion that the only thing queer folks can do to to express cishet norms is by actively working to undermine queer rights and gay lib, anything else a queer couple does is outside cishet norms by virtue of the couple being queer. a queer couple wants a white picket fence suburban life and 2.5 kids??? still queer.

there are two points about this: changing the physical characteristics of two male characters to get them to fit into a large/small top/bottom dynamic is annoying. it’s bad characterization. i still am not 100% sure i’d say it’s forcing mlm couples into cishet norms, bc of what i mentioned earlier. 

i also don’t know if this is something i’ve seen much of recently? maybe i’m just more discerning in what fanfic i choose to read now, and i’m much more likely to go based on recs and not just pick a fanfic and start reading it. the “yaoi hands” debate was old by the time i got online (just about 20 years ago now lmao). 

i think that omegaverse existed to codify a lot of the trashy fandom tropes that existed prior to its inception into one universe. mpreg, self lubricating buttholes (lol), sex pollen, found family/pack dynamics... it started out as a dubcon-y porn trope. idk also queer people wanting babies isn’t cis heteronormative.

not the first person to point this out but this is a significant double standard. why is this an example of positive queer representation but alpha/omega with men is imposing cishet norms on queer relationships? is it just that m/m is more represented in fanfiction while f/f is still relatively rare?  

ok lol i got bored part way through that’s enough of that

i think discussions of representation, as well as just changing attitudes, have meant people try hard to avoid tropes like making all the women screaming banshees, or shoehorning male characters into top/bottom roles, or having the relationship start out.... kind of rapey lol. but individual queer people writing fanfic arent corporations, queer ppl don’t exist to perform activism 24/7, and queer people by definition cannot be cishet

ok thats it

[theconfusedartist]

this goes a few places but i’ll try to stay on track

honestly, I’ve been thinking about this but like...

i kinda wanna write the arc in which the phantom thieves become better friends to the MC?

maybe this is a bit far fetched but like, the way the phantom thieves treat the main character isn’t the way you’d treat someone you care about. and like. this isn’t even coming from a place of me hating them either, bc i really really like all of them and i’m glad that they all get to move on and forward with their lives

like, the entire game the MC goes through making deals, shady connections, and dubious places to make sure everyone has what they need, whether its for weapons, items, or a shoulder to cry on, the MC is always there for them. and. i know that this is, in a game and narrative point of view, for the sake of getting the game rolling so the player can get supplies and doesn’t have to worry about waiting on other characters for things needed to assist in palace infiltrations. like, i get what it serves in a story sense, and why it needs to happen in a game sense

however

whenever i think of persona 5 as a writer, trying to write from the POV of the the MC, the phantom thieves, or any of the other confidants, it just kinda...hits me? the MC is a 16-17 year old that has managed to convince all these people that he has whatever they need to continue on with their work/life/well-being.

and for some, this makes sense, like Mishima and Shinya make sense bc in Shinya’s case its an older kid helping a younger kid with a bad parental situation using means that would keep him from getting arrested (which is when most people stop trying to help, for fear of retaliation from the parent) and with Mishima it makes sense bc he worships the phantom thieves to an unhealthy degree, while also keeping their image in his hands, and is also their only means of communicating with the outside world as the phantom thieves bc to do so otherwise would compromise their identities (not that yelling out their plans in the middle of a train station wouldn’t compromise them as well, but y’know) and that is dealt with by Mishima gaining confidence and learning how to be the hero he idolizes not only for others in distress but also for himself and continues to pursue his own creative pursuits

like, for all the phantom thieves, i have no real problems with their confidants

the only real issue is that, at rank 10, all of them declare that they’ll be on the MC’s side and help him through thick and thin. except.....they never do. and it’s not like it has to be big either, I’m not asking for any big dramatic scene either, just basic shit. like, you know what makes the MC a good friend? he reaches out, makes sure to listen, actively does what he can to help, and works with them to help them get through their problems. none of the other thieves do this, not once. and if you wanna make the argument that they all heard him out about his record, yes, that IS a great thing and i’m glad that they recognize that it was wrong.

but when i think of the rest of the game, i just think of them never talking to the MC. not even in the sense that the player has to see the conversation play out or anything, after all when you go on hang out spots with confidants but not for a link, the game says that the MC got closer to the character and you have the chance to give and exchange gifts. i really really REALLY liked that feature bc it makes it feel like the others are trying to get to know the MC and give him something he’d like.

however.

if they want to be good friends, they should also be able to do things that aren’t related to the phantom thieves. Haru, i give a(only a bit though) pass bc she joins the group so late that theres no way she’d know about all the ins and outs that the MC has to take care of as the leader, and by the time she would even get the chance, she’s dealing with her father, then the plot, then the final and Final bosses. she would’ve had no time to really learn the dynamics of the phantom thieves or the metaverse (and this is blatantly shown right before they first enter Okumura’s palace and right before they steal the treasure) and is rarely ever afforded that chance to bond with the group in game save for banter in mementos. not to mention, she actively gives some of the best boosting items in the game and also does her best to connect with the MC through their own shared similarities (Leblanc and her grandfather’s shop, always having to act a certain way for fear of reprisal, not knowing what she’s supposed to do but needed to act more mature as people don’t see her as a child but rather as a thing/tool for their benefit) that i didn’t really see in any of the other social links with the phantom thieves.

again, this isn’t saying that the thieves are being bad friends on purpose or that they’re going out of their way to be The Worst(tm) but if they’re going to claim that they want to help through thick and thin then why don’t any of the others ask about the MC? the only time i ever recall them asking the MC about things they like/dislike is during the summer Leblanc hangouts and it’s only about a specific topic. (examples being: Yusuke asking if they should make plans to go to France or buy a TV, Ryuji asking about the MCs favorite sports and preference in manga character tropes, Futaba asking if the MC ever built a laptop or dealt) i know this is a rpg, so i’m not expecting anything specific to come from the MC as the player is able to hc whatever they want about him, but even the game going ‘x asked me about y issue’ would’ve been enough. it doesn’t have to be detailed, i just want examples of the thieves that claim to be his friends asking about his hometown, his family, how the MC is doing bc rarely is that ever asked, or if the MC needs help.

like, yes, the praise about how cool and strong and awesome you are is great but if the MC has been running around Tokyo for a solid week talking to all these people, working multiple part time shifts for money, and doing xyz just to make sure the phantom thieves are operational then i (as a player) would also like that same sort of thing if this is supposed to be a team. honestly, though, it was fine for the most part bc the game was still really fun and hanging out with them (over all the other confidants like (Kawakami, Ohya, or Chihaya) is a gdamn BLESSING GOD dealing with them is stressful tbh) is honestly the highlight of the game for me bc they’re so colorful and full of life that i didn’t even really give too much thought about this save for once or twice, and that was only AFTER the interrogation room

why? bc up until this point, i had no reason to think that the phantom thieves were doing anything than what they said they would: sticking through thick and thin and lending their support. i simply attributed those moments that weren’t in the game to back up this claim as being shown during the non-confidant level up hang out times, that the things i talked about before were just not being shown to the player explicitly but it was still happening behind the scenes. but the interrogation scene with Sae kinda made that....fall flat on it’s face.

i mean, hear me out. even if, and that’s a BIG IF, there was absolutely no other way to get the police off their back, no other way to handle the assassin that was coming for them, and no way to do anything outside the metaverse.....................why was there no one there to make sure that the plan worked? like, there’s a camera inside the cell, so Futaba at the VERY LEAST should be able to tell whats going on inside, right? and even if you wanna tell me that somehow the cops were able to put that on a server that Futaba couldn’t access that still brings me back to the same point at before.

the phantom thieves, when explaining to Sae how they got their plan together, also have this nice little image of them going to the (was it the real or the fake one?) interrogation room and making sure that they COULD actually carry out their plan.

so. if they went to the physical place to make sure their plan could work, knew exactly where the MC was going to be and when, and knew there would be cameras, why did none of them have some sort of a back up plan set up? not even just in case?

like, i know that the ‘bad ending’ is the MC telling Sae the others’ identities and then dying but, the dude is drugged out of his mind! he’s been getting beaten for hours, if not an entire day, then interrogated by Sae! even if the MC had sold them out, it would’ve been a case of giving a drugged confession, bc the MC wouldn’t have been in his right mind.

yes, as a player, you can say no. as a player, you can easily say, ‘why would i give up my friends?’. it makes no sense as a player to let the characters who you’ve spent at least 40+ hours up to the wolves. but the MC? who is drugged out of his mind? who has been beaten bloody and knows that nothing he says is going to get them to stop? who then has to deal with Sae interrogating him and constantly reminding him over and over that if he doesn’t give her what she needs, he WILL die? yeah, of course the MC is going to say no, but if he did I wouldn’t hold that against him bc he’s not in the right state of mind at all. not only that, but then someone who was supposed to be a friend and ally is coming in to kill him, and the only thing to keep that from happening is starting up the metaverse and making him think he shot the real deal.

but even with that, what? did the thieves test out what would happen if someone shot what they think is that person in the other world while that same person is sitting in the same spot, at the same time, in the same conditions? bc if they didn’t, then why were they so sure this plan would work? and if they DID then why was there no one there to make sure the plan worked?

seriously, have someone hide out in the metaverse, right? then when the assassin comes in, that person can then verify that the MC isn’t fucking dead

what part of leaving a friend to act as a decoy, leaving him to deal with a police force that they have already been informed is corrupt and willing to do whatever they have to in order to get a confession (the same person that has already been brutalized by the police mind you!) by himself, to then ALSO deal with being interrogated, and then pray that the plan they came up with (that they also have no intention of making sure it worked) to deal with the assassin goes as planned, then ALSO HAVE TO PRAY that HOPEFULLY Sae decides to help him flee incarceration.

do you see my problem here? what part of any of this plan is solid? what part of any of this plan isn’t cruel? like, even with all the exceptions i was trying to give them, this is not acting as a good friend. hell, this isn’t even how you should be acting as a good ALLY, forget a friend.

and afterwards, the whole ‘yeah we’re so great we tricked akechi!’ doesn’t even feel like a good thing bc the MC can say he doesn’t remember anything and Sae can follow up saying that he shouldn’t have to remember what happened to him and

none of the thieves say a word. it’s just. glossed over.

like nothing ever happened

the bruises are gone somehow. the concern never appears. the thieves never ask.

welp! back to palace infiltration!

like?

what about that is being a good friend? and here’s what gets me: in the aftermath were the MC isn’t supposed to go outside bc ppl might see him--he’s still the one getting all the supplies.

what the hell? isn’t this the ‘thin’ they were talking about? hell, at this point i’m not even asking for them to talk about how the MC is feeling, i’m just saying they should be carrying at least some of the load if he is NOT SUPPOSED TO BE OUTSIDE

like what?

honestly, i wanna remake this post bc i ended up just making a bunch of word vomit but like. it is what it is

i love the phantom thieves but goddamn they are not very good friends. i don’t think they’re trying to be bad friends on purpose but they definitely are

[sunsetsover]

I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on Ben having BPD

ok WHEW you just opened a fucking can of worms this about to be the longest post i’ve ever made i hope you have your seatbelt on

let me just preface this by saying nearly everything i talk abt in this post will be based off of my personal experiences w bpd. some people experience it differently, some people might not agree w some of the things i say, but i can only talk abt my own pov. therefore, this just my own personal opinions on ben having bpd. so yh lmao

and disclaimer!! i’m not a doctor!! don’t take anything i say in this post as diagnostic criteria! i’m not an expert or mental health professional!! when it comes to your own mental health or the mental health of ppl in your life, do not consider me a source to reference like ‘oh well lauren sunsetsover said xyz’ like pls just don’t do that. do your own research. and most importantly consult a doctor!!!!!! i am not one!!!!!!!!!

also there are very few sources in this post bc most of this is just shit i’ve absorbed over the years from doctors and doing my own research lmao

now that’s out of the way let’s go! (this became part character study, part informational masterpost on bpd. also it got really fuckin long, hence the read more, so be warned lmao)

warning for potentially triggering content (abuse/mentions of suicide and self harm - nothin too bad but i do touch on ben’s behaviour and history, and this is a p serious mental health issue we’re talking abt here so! take care of yourselves!!)

ok so! some things to keep in mind before we even get to ben:

i believe (at least in the uk) borderline personality disorder is considered to be an outdated name, and one that essentially isn’t appropriate or fit for purpose anymore, so in my experience, a lot of the time now it’s referred to as eupd (emotionally unstable personality disorder) in medical settings. which is way more apt name imo, and tells you more abt what bpd actually is (but i still call it bpd bc it’s easier and ppl know what that is lmao). so like. emotionally unstable personality disorder. i bet that conjures up a way more vivid idea in ur head than borderline  personality disorder does.

no one 100% knows what causes bpd, though it’s thought to be a combination of genetic and environmental factors, like most things. but the general consensus is that bpd develops when something (usually traumatic, but not always in an extreme sense. ppl w bpd have often been victims of some type of abuse in their childhood, but that’s not necessarily always the case) happens in your childhood that impacts the development of your personality. kind of a bizarre metaphor but hopefully it will help u understand: u know how in finding nemo, the egg nemo was in got damaged by the shark? and even tho the damage looked minor, it actually meant that one of his fins was permanently damaged - it was malformed, it didn’t grow right, he couldn’t use it properly? well imagine the fin = the personality; that’s what happens to a person w bpd’s personality. smth happens to us in our childhood that permanently damages our personality, and so it doesn’t grow and develop properly as the rest of us does, making it less functional than an average person’s. u can imagine how that can lead to all sorts of problem (we’ll get to them later)

but bc it’s a mental disorder that affects the personality, you can’t be diagnosed w bpd until you’re 18, when your personality is basically developed fully (i believe it can be diagnosed slightly younger, but those are rare and extreme cases). however, symptoms can start to present themselves earlier, as ur personality begins to develop and mature. (mine started presenting in my early teens)

bpd doesn’t really go away, and treatment with medication generally isn’t effective for long periods of time. however symptoms can be treated with continued therapy, and symptoms sometimes can start to ease as you get older!!

bpd also gets misdiagnosed a lot bc a lot of the symptoms are similar to that of other mental health problems. the biggest one it gets misdiagnosed as seems to be bipolar disorder, which i get tbh. i’ve always considered bpd very similar to bipolar, just like… quicker cycles. there are even memes about it. also bpd has a tendency to coexist w other mental health issues, which makes it harder to recognise and diagnose.

so now lets look at this from a diagnostic perspective

in order to be diagnosed w bpd you basically have to deemed, by a medical professional, to be meet certain criteria, and to have been meeting these certain criteria for a significant amount of time. there are some variations to this criteria, and proposed subtypes and basically different flavours of borderlines but i’m not even gonna go there. i’m just gonna talk abt what i’m most familiar w and how i think that applies to ben.

i’m copying and pasting the diagnostic criteria part from here bc as far as i’m aware this is the criteria doctors use for diagnosis. there are 9 different ‘indicators’/’criteria’, and you have to display or meet at least 5 of them in order to be considered for a bpd diagnosis:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

this is one of, if not the biggest part of bpd. that trauma i mentioned earlier? often stems from or is related to abandonment, or perceived abandonment, in childhood, be it physical or emotional. for example, a child that’s being abused by one parent might feel abandoned by the other parent if they don’t do anything about it, even if the second parent has no idea the abuse is going on. sound familiar? a similar thing happened to ben, with stella. phil not doing anything about the abuse ben was facing at the hands of stella - even though he didn’t know it was happening, even though phil did do something once he found out - was an abandonment to ben. and that’s just the tip of the abandonment iceberg for ben - kathy faking her death and leaving him was an abandonment (even when he thought she was actually dead), phil’s own abuse was an abandonment, as was his reaction when ben came out, and so on. and abandonment like that skews your thinking so you believe that everyone is going to abandon you, sooner or later, that they must be abandoning you for a reason, you must be a terrible person, you must be unworthy of people’s effort/time/love etc etc.

even when paul died, that was an abandonment to ben! like logically we know - and ben probably knows too - that paul didn’t want to die, he didn’t want to leave ben, he didn’t deliberately leave ben. but that doesn’t matter. mental illness is illogical, bpd is illogical, esp when it comes to abandonment. e.g. my therapist had to cancel a few of our appointments once bc she was ill, and it felt like an abandonment. like it was personal somehow, like she wasn’t coming into work bc of me, bc i was too much work, too hard to handle. ofc that wasn’t true, but that’s how it felt. it’s illogical. so ofc my solution was to just not go to my appointments even when she came back, bc like what other response is there lmao. it’s just that everything a person does feels personal, like it’s because of/about you, even when it isn’t. even when it has nothing to do w you. that’s probably why ben can come across at selfish at times, like he’s making everything about him. because it is all about him, in his mind. everything is because of him, is his doing, his fault etc. his way of thinking is skewed into thinking like that, bc shit keeps happening to him and ppl keep leaving him, so it must be his fault.

and!! ‘frantic efforts’ isn’t necessarily what u think it is!! it can be desperate begging ‘i’ll do anything to keep you in my life’ type actions, but it just as equally can be lashing out and abandoning someone in order to prevent them from abandoning u first - a ‘get them before they get me’ mentality  (the whole scene where phil was in the hospital comes to mind - the ‘why doesn’t he love me back?’ was the more desperate part of him, tho it wasn’t necessarily an ‘effort’ per se, but then him trying to kill his dad basically in order to have the abandonment be at least on his own terms? that’s lashing out, and def qualifies as a ‘frantic effort’ lmao). and how often do we see that in ben? lashing out at jay in the hospital because he knew he was mad at him, and he’d rather hurt jay physically before he could hurt him emotionally? ben trying to support callum and showing him kindness, only to turn around and threaten to out him when he finds out callum asked stuart to sort him out? everything that happened w his dad, trying to fuck him over before his dad can get there first, trying to get rid of keanu so he can’t be abandoned in favour of him (although that didn’t really work, but it rarely does work the way u want it to lmao). and the biggest one to me, though probably one that people have already forgotten, is him breaking up w that guy he was seeing in newcastle even tho they were into each other bc he ‘had to, otherwise [he] would have ruined his life’. even tho we don’t really get details, that says it all to me. it’s v much a pattern that’s present in ben.

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as “splitting”)

i feel like this one doesn’t need much explaining lmao

here is a definition of splitting from here (which is a very good article on splitting imo if u wanna read more abt it): ‘Splitting is a term used in psychiatry to describe the inability to hold opposing thoughts, feelings, or beliefs. Some might say that a person who splits sees the world in terms of black or white, all or nothing. It’s a distorted way of thinking in which the positive or negative attributes of a person or event are neither weighed nor cohesive.’

a little explanation of it from me: ppl w bpd can sometimes have very simplistic, all or nothing views on things. and splitting is basically when ur opinion on something or someone changes very quickly (sometimes instantly), often to an extreme (e.g. going from loving and idolizing someone, to absolutely fucking hating them, or from having a neutral opinion on something to suddenly becoming extremely angry abt it) sometimes without even having an identifiable trigger. it links into black and white thinking, which u may have heard of before - u either love someone and they can do no wrong, or u hate them and they disgust you. either something is amazing or it’s terrible. there is no grey area, no in between. it goes back into the whole ‘not being able to regulate ur emotions properly’ thing lmao there’s rarely nuances to our emotions or feelings, we’re all or nothing a lot of the time. so splitting is when ur opinion rapidly changes to one of these extremes. sometimes u can even go back and forth, splitting over and over on the same person/thing which is super fun.

ben splits on his dad all the time. all the fucking time. he doesn’t care about phil at all and wants to ruin him, then he wants phil’s approval and to be welcomed back into the family fold and the business. then ben hates him and wants him dead, then 5 minutes later he wants his love, wants to be a good son again. that’s splitting. u can also see it w jay, too, but no where near as extreme as w his dad. and i’ve seen it a couple of times w callum too, but again, it’s way more subtle. u probably wouldn’t notice it if u weren’t looking for it, whereas w phil it’s obvious.

but like i don’t need to explain ‘unstable and intense interpersonal relationships’, do i? just look at the relationships w phil, w jay, w lola, w callum, even w paul - they were unstable back when they first got together, and were arguably kind of intense too. (he settled a bit w paul, but his death/perceived abandonment fucked him up a lot beyond the expected ways). he’s always arguing w the ppl he loves. he tried to get poor billy killed, and yet since then he’s had no problem w him!! none of his relationships - apart from maybe his mum and ian (i don’t include lexi bc she’s a child) - are stable. and i would definitely describe his relationships as intense lmao

3. Identity disturbance: Markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

u can see this most - as most things - in his relationship w his dad. he fluctuates between seeming to know his worth (and demanding other people know it too), knowing he deserves his dad’s love and approval (why else would he be so mad abt the fact hes not getting it, if not bc he knows he’s worthy of it? if he didn’t think so, he wouldn’t be so angry abt not getting it - he’d be accepting/understanding, wouldn’t he?) and being desperate to do anything to get his dad’s love/approval, even things that are below him, turning into a child, begging to know why his dad doesn’t love him, why he’s never been enough. that scene where phil had found out abt ben trying to frame keanu and leaving him for dead is the epitome of this. u can see ben fluctuate between a hurt, traumatized little boy, begging his dad for some answers, some explanation as to why he’s not enough, begging him not to start drinking again, and a man who is angry, angry at his dad, angry at himself for crumbling like this, bc he should be stronger than this. u see him change multiple times in that one single scene. go watch it again. you’ll see it too.

some more examples: his absolute certainty that he is better and more qualified than the likes of shirley and keanu for working with his dad, and then being like ‘my dad was right, i’m good for no one’ - they don’t line up. does he have self esteem and know his worth or not? also his entire relationship w callum is an example of this - all those changes in his attitude towards cal and their situation? he often treats callum like they’re equals who understand each other, yet sometimes it seems like he thinks he’s superior to callum (e.g. the scene outside the cafe), and others he behaves (keyword) as though he thinks he’s not good enough for callum (why else would he just take all that shit from whitney and not say anything in retaliation? why, if not because he deems it more important that callum has an easier time of it than he does; that he regards cal’s comfort more important than his own? and why would he do that, if he held himself in such high regards? i mean he certainly acts like it sometimes, so why not then?)

also like……. who is ben? is he the bastard who cares about no one but himself, who’s always causing trouble not only for himself but for the people he cares about? is he the guy who just completely folds when people he knows hurtle abuse at him, accepting it lying down, who thinks he’s no good for anyone? the guy who goes out all night and drinks himself silly and purposefully gets himself into fights? the guy who shows callum so much empathy even tho it brings him nothing but pain, who loves jay unconditionally, who tried so hard to help bobby when he came back from prison? which one is he? which one does he want to be? does he even know?

(and you could argue that people are just multi-dimensional, but there’s just such a vast gap between these different facets of ben’s character and he can flip through them so fast it’s jarring, which is why i think it’s more like he straight up doesn’t have a consistent sense of self. which is a big part of bpd)

4. Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

again, does this need explaining?

doing illegal shit, excessively drinking, becoming unnecessarily violent, fucking up his relationships, just generally doing reckless things regardless of the consequences - this has always been a part of ben’s character.

(his constant hook ups could be another one, but the jury’s still out on that one. if anything it’s less the sex that worries me and more the flippant attitude he has when meeting up w ppl - they could be anyone and do all sorts, at the end of the day)

it became most obvious recently around the anniversary of paul’s death - drinking himself sick, gambling all his money away, deliberately starting fights. but even before that and since then it’s been there.

it’s basically just a way to self sabotage.

i feel like this one isn’t a consistent part of ben’s behaviour like the others are, but it is undeniably there, so.

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behavior

although ben (to my knowledge) hasn’t displayed any suicidal behaviour, he has at times spoken in ways that could kind of sway that way. (i’m no good for anyone, i’m not worth it, why do you care etc)

also self harming!!! just because he doesn’t hurt himself in a direct way doesn’t mean he doesn’t deliberately put himself in situations where he’ll get hurt, and that is self harm!! letting stuart beat him at pride was self harm!! picking that fight w those homophobes at e20 was self harm!!! drinking to excess is a form of self harm!!! putting himself in harm’s way, even if he doesn’t get hurt, is self harm!!!! just bc he might not be self harming in the traditional sense doesn’t mean he’s not hurting himself!!! this one has been on my mind for so long!!!! oh my god!!!!! he absolutely has a pattern of self harming/self destructive behaviours, and just a general disregard for his own safety and well being!!!! the fact that it doesn’t worry more ppl in his life is so upsetting to me!!!!!!

6. Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

aka the biggest part of bpd: pt 2

i feel like this definition doesn’t really do justice to this aspect of bpd. this is basically you literally having no control of your emotions. ‘day-to-day events’ have fuck all to do with it half the time. u could be sitting there minding ur business and all of a sudden you wanna smash up the entire room, for seemingly no reason. one time i was crying - like uncontrollably sobbing, a complete mess - and had been for maybe half an hour? and then all of a sudden, literally mid sob, it stopped. like it just stopped. i was done, i wasn’t sad anymore. i went from inconsolably crying to perfectly fine in a split second. can you even imagine that? it’s fucking crazy. that’s what having bpd is like. it’s like mood swings x1000 (that’s why i describe it like bipolar on a smaller scale - their mood swings last days/weeks/months, ours last minutes/hours, sometimes days but not often). you can be fine, then all of a sudden you’re not. or you can be not fine, and then all of a sudden you are. you can be ecstatic, then all of a sudden all the joy gets sucked out of ur body n u wanna die. then 5 mins later ur fine again. u can cycle thru every single human emotion in the space of a few hours with no warning whatsoever. u can go from feeling so many emotions u don’t know which one to focus on to feeling none at all. it’s exhausting. so yes ‘day-to-day events’ (this can be as minor as the way someone speaks to you, or not enjoying ur food as much as u thought u would, and it can make u terrifyingly sad or spark uncontrollable rage in u) can trigger it, but it’s like… at least that’s kind of justifiable. most of the time u just cannot regulate, control or predict ur emotions whatsoever. and often the emotions u do feel are not appropriate for the situation at hand lmao

on top of that, ppl w bpd have massive problems processing their emotions. while most ppl have the capacity to identify what they’re feeling and why, ppl w bpd often can’t. and bc they can’t identify it properly, they don’t know how to process it. that’s why emotions and feelings are so often black and white - we might develop the ability to recognise Big Emotions, like love and hate, happiness and sadness etc, but we can’t figure out the smaller, nuanced emotions. it becomes or, not and.

this is also why our emotions feel so big and all encompassing!! we can’t ignore our emotions!! they are our focus in a lot of ways. when ur sad, it feels like the world is ending, every single time. when ur happy, ur euphoric and nothing else matters, and so on. every emotion has the volume turned up to 100. that’s why our emotions sometimes come out in extreme or unhealthy ways - our emotions often feel so big we have such a hard time handling them. so we go to drastic lengths, whatever they may be, to cope.

(also bc most ppl w bpd are victims of abuse, we’re often hyperaware of other people’s moods, which can impact ours. someone can be annoyed for some innocuous, innocent reason, and yet bc we can sense it, we become scared or defensive and may lash out.)

and ben… little old ben, have u ever seen him have a rational reaction to anything in his life? how often have we seen him have an appropriate response to smth? my dad is shit, so i have to destroy him. failing that, i have to kill him. oh, my brother isn’t gonna let kill him? time to punch him in the face. my daughter ate all my cereal? it’s Overreaction Time. (this one in particular is Very Me like yes lexi is a child and he was unfair but my 7 year old cousin once drank all my j2os and i almost had a breakdown so i Get It) i’m feeling like shit? time to antagonise these homophobes until they beat me in the middle of the street. i sleep with this man once? time to get overly involved. he shows me a little bit of love and kindness? time to develop feelings for him despite him insisting he’s straight, the fact that he’s with a woman and i have been harassed and beaten by his homophobic family multiple times. but it isn’t going the way i wanted it to? time to impulsively hit him for not knowing what he wants, then immediately regret it.

and like. he went from crying his eyes out in his dad’s kitchen to threatening kat slater within the span of what, 10 minutes? he went from trying to kill his dad, to falling tf apart w jay, to trying to manipulate his dad - who had just woken up from a coma - for his own gain again, in the span of maybe an hour. if that doesn’t say rapid cycling, inconsistent emotions idk what does.

like idk enough about the old bens to say if this is a consistent characteristic of his or not (although based on the fact he killed a woman bc he was angry w his dad, i’d say it’s fairly safe to assume lmao) but ever since he came back his reactions and emotions have been pretty much never once been rational, stable or consistent.

(and like i wanna say i am saying all of this from the perspective of the bad days. so if you’re thinking ‘well, ben isn’t like that all the time’ ur right. neither am i. some days i’m fine, some days it’s not that bad, sometimes i can cope. but i still have bpd, even on those days. and imo, so does ben.)

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness

this is one i don’t really see in ben. we maybe see moments of emptiness, but certainly not enough to call it ‘chronic’.

also a lot of the moments we do see emptiness in ben, i feel like it’s forced emptiness, more for his own benefit or for the benefit of others rather than actual genuine emptiness. it’s not that he’s not feeling anything, it’s that what he is feeling he’s not showing. that’s very different from actually feeling empty.

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

this! is! such! a! massive! part! of! having! bpd! and it’s a part that no one ever fucking talks about either!!!

and again, does this one need explaining?

ben is anger. he’s a ball of it, and he has been for a very, very long time. he’s angry at his dad, at the world, at himself. for all sorts of reasons, both complex and simple. if i sat here and tried to get into all of it this post would be twice as long as it already is. and i don’t think i really need to, anyway. it’s not as if any of us need to dig very deep to see it, is it?

‘frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights’ like i really don’t need to elaborate do i? bc what does ben do when he’s angry? his temper flairs up, he gets physical, lashes out, makes threats.

and he’s so often angry in response to emotional pain, which is the saddest (and for me, most relatable) part. just look at paul’s anniversary, how angry he was just in general, to everyone - even his mum, who is like the only exception to his anger since he’s been back - when he was just hurting and sad. how angry he got when he found out keanu had replaced him in phil’s will, when really he was just hurt. he gets angry and violent so people don’t see him as weak bc he’s hurting. he has been conditioned to get angry instead of getting sad. it’s not healthy at all.

there is so much more but i feel like it’s unnecessary for me to get into it. bc u know. ben’s not exactly subtle in his anger is he lmao

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

this is the only other one that i don’t see in ben at all, and it’s one that i don’t really experience myself either so i don’t even have any insight to offer lmao

so!! more or less 7/9!! that’s a passing grade for diagnosis!!! welcome to the club, mr mitchell!!!!

all of this, of course, has been purely from a medical, diagnostic standpoint (w some of my personal experiences sprinkled in lmao). there’s so much more to say from like a ‘living w bpd day to day’ standpoint but like, this post is already way too fuckin long so i’m just gonna hit on a few that i feel are important in regards to ben, and ones i have’t spoken abt yet

most ppl w bpd have a ‘fp’ or ‘favourite person’ (tho it can be multiple people), which sounds nice but it’s kind of a really complicated and difficult thing tbqh. here’s the best definition i could find: ‘When someone with BPD uses the term “favorite person” to describe someone else, they are typically insinuating that this is a person they cannot survive without. For BPD sufferers, the favorite person is the person who is a source of emotional support and dependence. This individual has the ability to truly impact the BPD sufferer’s day in either a positive or negative manner. The favorite person to someone with BPD holds a critical role in their lives by holding the power to ‘make or break’ the successful navigation of daily tasks and struggles.’ it’s a difficult thing to explain/understand (so please feel free to google ‘favourite person bpd’ to get a better understanding), and is not always as dramatic as it sounds, but it’s like… even if they aren’t a source of ‘emotion support’, ur mental wellbeing can hang on this person’s every move. (which is not healthy, i know, but it’s just a thing that happens w bpd!) and phil is absolutely ben’s fp. ben hates phil, and yet is still so desperate to be in his good graces, in his life no matter what that costs him… and ben’s self esteem, his actions, his moods are so dependant on phil. it just?? makes so much sense to me. i realize it may not make much sense to someone who doesn’t have any understanding of what a fp is, but like if u do, i’m sure u see what i see.

i think maybe jay was another fp of ben for a while in the past. i don’t think he is as much since ben has come back, but in the past?? maybe. like less in the ‘my happiness is dependant on u’ way and more in like a ‘i’m very very attached to u and need u in my life and would maybe go crazy if anything or anyone got in the way of that’ way.

and i think callum might be sneaking into territory now too tbqh. it would explain why callum’s actions and words have such an impact on ben’s moods despite not much really happening between them. and like i wanna say: someone becoming ur fp is not a choice. it just happens. it’s not like ben is going ‘oh im going to get overly attached to u just for a laugh’, no. this would be completely out of his control. and when it happens, it fucking SUCKS. so if that is what’s happening, it’s going to have a massive impact on ben - and it seems like it already is.

and like taking the whole fp thing out of it (bc i know it’s complicated and hard to grasp) bpd would explain why ben seems to be so attached to callum even tho very little has actually happened between them!!! like bpd will have u falling in love w someone who just shows you basic human kindness and decency, and i mean that very literally!!! bc like i said when you have bpd, you struggle to navigate and handle basic emotions, so all the nuances of romance and love? jesus christ. it goes back into black and white thinking - i either love this person or i hate this person, there is no in between. so callum, showing ben kindness? showing him support with what’s going on w louise and what happened w phil? not hating him and thinking he’s despicable and evil and all those things people say about him? and ben, having bpd? he probably wouldn’t be able to comprehend that maybe cal’s just being friendly, esp not after they slept together. so ofc he would latch tf on to that. i would latch tf on to that. his behaviour towards callum just seems very on brand for having bpd to me, genuinely.

and !! all those things whitney said the other night !! people complained about him not arguing back, but like… she’s almost saying what ben wants to hear, when it comes to callum. bc i touched on it before but like the thing is when, you have bpd ur thought process is like ‘i care about this person, they are good, i don’t deserve them, i am bad, i am going to ruin them, i’m probably manipulating them into spending time with me and caring about me, but i can’t let them go, i need them, i bet they don’t even like me, i don’t deserve them, i don’t want them to get hurt, i don’t want to hurt them, i am going to hurt them, in the end.’ (and eventually it spirals into ‘actually they’re probably going to hurt me first bc everyone always does so let me completely destroy this relationship so it’s unrecoverable and hurt them now so they can’t hurt me later’ but that’s another story) and whitney more or less confirms that for him!!! in essence, what she says to him is ‘you’re bad, he didn’t want anything to do with you but you manipulated him into it. you don’t deserve him, you’ve hurt him, you’ve hurt me, how could you do this?’ so like… ofc he’s not gonna argue w her. he’s already had a shit day, all of the fight is gone from him, and he agrees w her!! i’m sure he was thinking that he deserved what whit was throwing at him - not necessarily for what he’d done to her, but because he is Bad and callum is Good and he needs to stay away from him, otherwise he’ll ruin him. bc that’s just what bpd brain tells u, even when u’ve got no basis to believe it. (unless ur splitting or experiencing a big emotional high, but again, that’s a different story)

and that kind of makes sense as to why he’d go to the wedding. going back to the anger instead of sadness thing - he’s hurting, so he’s going to get angry and vengeful. he has been hurt, so now he is going to hurt in return. esp considering both callum and whitney have seen him in such a vulnerable state. it’s probably a pride thing, too.

also just to expand a little more on the ‘unstable sense of self’ thing - ppl w bpd (and also victims of abuse, but sometimes that particular venn diagram is a circle) tend to change the personality based on who they’re with. which is what most people do, yes, but i mean the Extreme version. it’s a trauma response thing - u’ll reflect parts of a person’s personality back at them, or even take bits from personalities of ppl u know they like in the hopes that they’ll like u more like that, as opposed to ur real personality (if u even know what that is). and sometimes those parts stick (esp when you idolize the person u stole them from/they’re your fp), and it’s like u all of a sudden realize ur entire personality is built of parts of other ppls personalities that you’ve stolen. so it makes sense to me that ben seems to have so many differing personalities/sides to his personality, bc he’s learned which parts to show to who, and in what situations - in response to his abuse as a kid, if nothing else.

(and before anyone can even go there: that is not an act of manipulation. it’s a trauma response. it’s something that happens without us consciously having any say in it, as a way of self-preservation. it’s like if i make myself likeable and appealing to u, you’re less likely to hurt me, physically or emotionally. and yes ben has a habit of manipulation, but this is not a part of it. none of ben’s manipulation is directly bc of his hypothetical bpd, it’s bc that’s just who he is. i don’t ever want to see the two equated, or see anyone say any shit like ‘ben must have bpd bc he’s manipulative’, ever.)

just for the hell of it, here are some spicy bpd memes, bc that’s how we communicate on the internet. (here are two in particular seem quite relevant to ben rn lmao + bonus one for phil!!)

so! there we are!!! i’m sure there’s some important stuff i overlooked and that this is not what u expected when u sent me this question, but there are so many misconceptions and stigmas out there surrounding bpd that i wouldn’t have felt right half assing it. and i hope, if nothing else, u learned something abt bpd that u didn’t know before :-)

if u read this far ur a trooper lmao but if anyone has any questions, be they abt ben having bpd or bpd in general please feel free to ask!! i’ll do my best to answer them to the best of my ability 💖💖

[blookmallow]

whos up for a 

✨COMPLICATED LUMENIA LORE POST ✨

i know, i know, try to contain the excitement

theres... a big spoiler in here but i cant figure out how to talk about this without it lmao so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i dont think it rly matters to anyone anyway but the section its in is marked. this is still a work in progress but here it is anyway

All soul collectors (and familiars) have two alignments: life or death and light or darkness 

these do Not mean “good” and “evil” however, and all collectors have some connection to them all (and magic can be learned, as well)

--

Life aligned are often immensely powerful, but at times difficult to control without proper focus and discipline. They have high stamina and heal quickly, often have skill with healing and protection magic. Often have very high magic levels. They are often able to create small forms of life, with lesser sentience - such as Venus’s plants, Chris’s robots, Mayzie’s sugarsprites, etc. Shuri is an exception - she is a Death aligned, but studied extensively under Mother’s guidance and has learned (and even mastered) Life magic. Life magic at that level (creating forms of life) is inaccessible to humans, though some Antis in very rare circumstances can use it (though creating sentience is only possible to soul collectors). Lumeni who are not soul collectors often have life magic as well, but do not have the power that soul collectors have. Creating little motes to help out around the house (which disappear after a while) is a fairly common ability, but creating a lasting, real living creature with sentience would not be possible for those who are not soul collectors. 

Death aligned generally cannot make life (at least not without extensive training), but are very perceptive and empathetic, often skilled in divination and prone to visions or premonitions. They are very good at communicating with the dead - all soul collectors can do this, of course, and all can see ghosts (thats. Their Job) but Death aligned are particularly good at it, and often will pick up lost or abandoned souls that were not claimed by their collectors (either through unusual circumstances, negligence, or whatever the case may be) or will take over for others when dealing with particularly volatile souls. Souls of children are often transferred to Death aligned as well. Humans with Death magic in them can almost always see (or at least sense) ghosts. Premonitions and visions are common as well, often stronger in Antis. Most Antis can see or sense ghosts regardless of alignment, but Death aligned will have greater skill (and a better sense for the situation - a Death aligned Anti or human will be much more likely to figure out what an angry spirit wants, while a Life aligned might be able to see it, but not know what it is trying to communicate). Death aligned tend to have a higher comprehension of Time and Mortality. 

i havent sorted out Light and Dark as clearly yet, but 

Light energy is very strong and focused; can be difficult to control, especially in children, but can become highly powerful when used correctly. Often very physical, such as manipulating environments or elements. not well defined yet

Dark energy is chaotic and often destructive, frequently involves psychic abilities or altering the flow of time in small ways. also not well defined yet. probably even more undefined right now, :’) 

---

All soul collectors have these alignments, again, they all have a little of everything but will naturally be drawn to one side or the other in both aspects, and the abilities they have also depends a lot on what they study and what they practice. 

Familiars will almost always have the same alignment as their masters, but often will mirror in one aspect and have different tendencies in the other (like, SC has Light/Death, familiar has Light with Life tendencies, etc), and the souls in a collector’s possession will often have traces of the same alignments as their collector. this manifests in really weird ways with antis sometimes. more on that later

Soul collectors are born from eggs that form in an underground spring, drawn from the magic in the planet’s core (which is why their magic levels are so much higher than anyone else on their planet - other Lumeni bear children the same as humans. They are deeply affected by the planet’s core, but not born from it) 

there’s a lot of debate as to whether this is a strictly natural occurrence, or if the core has some kind of sentient will to intentionally create the eggs (or, if this core is possibly controlled by some higher being) (or if the core IS a higher being)

the First Egg was a twin egg - a single egg containing two collectors (and their two familiars), this being Rachna and Shivari (who would later come to be known as the Great Mother)

these two represent a perfect balance of the alignments - Rachna as Death and Darkness, Shivari as Light and Life. Again, not “good and evil” - there’s no evil twin (and they’re not remotely identical either lmao) and no conflict between them, they work Together, always, neither of them ever takes action without consulting the other first 

their familiars mirror them, “Muffin” is also Death/Darkness, and Jacinda is also Light/Life

Twin eggs are not exactly “siblings” the way humans think of them - they can look drastically different and have very different powers/attributes/skills, but will usually see themselves as akin to siblings 

Shivari created, over time, all the plant life on Lumenia. the legend goes that she also created all the animals and the first Lumeni themselves, but she won’t confirm it either way. she probably did not create the lumeni, though, in any case

Lumeni look up to her as their high queen, and some worship her as a mother goddess as well; she has temples across the planet 

Rachna is said to be the first to have realized the ability to create Underworlds and the whole system of soul collection and judgement. The extent to which this is actually true is unclear, but probably more likely than the “mother created lumeni” theory.

*** this is the part where the spoilers happen ***

the second egg was another twin egg - this time containing an unbalanced pair: Kadri and Nahbi. Kadri is a necromancer - she is simultaneously Life and Death at once, with Dark energy. Nahbi was Death aligned, with both Light and Dark at once, and therefore incredibly powerful, but very, very dangerous though he never intended to be. 

Nahbi is dead. The story goes that he was murdered by an Anti, but the truth may be that he was in fact destroyed by his own power (which destroyed his familiar in the process, and destroyed the Anti’s body). He has a statue in the tomb beneath Mother’s temple garden, but is rarely ever spoken of now. Kadri cannot talk about him without getting extremely distressed. Not many people know about him at all. 

after that, the core produced another egg - this time, the first single egg, containing Kali and Dasa, a Death/Darkness aligned pair, though Kali has some light tendencies as well. This is said to have been the universe attempting to rebalance itself again after the last egg. They were the first born without a twin, which possibly may have influenced their eventual decision to join together - a sense of missing a twin that never was. 

*** ok the spoilers are over ***

Shivari, Rachna, Kadri, and Kalidasa are known today as “The Ancient Ones.” They are the only collectors hatched from single eggs forming one at a time - after this, the core began producing batches of several eggs at once in varying amounts, now referred to as “cycles.” The new cycles are highly varied and much more balanced, though twin eggs have become increasingly rare. 

----

alignments and notes about them if i have them but this is already getting to be way longer than it needs to be. also some mentions of their souls where i remember them bc i dont want to look up who everyone was assigned to right now lmao

Shivari (”Mother”) || Life/Light --- Jacinda || Life/Light

- Bee and Dan are both Mother’s souls, both tending toward Life/Light too 

Rachna || Death/Darkness --- (the unspeakable name only the ancients can pronounce) (”Muffin”) || Death/Darkness

- Lex has a high Death alignment; he’s good with ghosts and has a very strong sense for bad vibes and such. sometimes gets premonitions about things, not straight up visions of the future but just strong “I really should not do this” or “something bad is going to happen if I do that” or “there’s bad energy in here something really bad happened here” senses. his origin has it too but denies it violently and thinks its influences of the devil - which might be why lex trusts it and embraces it, as her opposite

Kadri || Life-Death/Darkness --- Skrab || Death / Darkness 

Kadri is an exception: she has a command of both Life and Death. Her powers are in fact weak necromancy - she can’t literally bring someone back from the dead (though it might not be impossible), but she can reanimate corpses and create skeletal minions with lesser forms of sentience. any zombies or skeletons she creates do not have souls and will just go back to being dead once she stops powering them, they’re basically just puppets, but a lot of collectors (especially Death aligned) think this is a complete abomination just on principle. kadri does not care. she has not spent any time honing her Death magic skills, so her ability with time/divination/etc is basically nonexistent even though the potential is there

- kadri’s souls tend to be especially chaotic because of that power imbalance and that’s why we have people like laelia 

Kalidasa || Death/Darkness

Venus || Life/Darkness --- Dahlia || Death/Darkness

Celina || Death/Darkness with some Light tendencies --- Cesare || Death/Darkness 

Shuri || Death/Light, with Life tendencies brought out through study --- Stasia || Life/Light

- dreyden has death alignment but is completely oblivious to it. he could probably see a ghost but wouldn’t notice it at all, or wouldn’t notice it was a ghost. he thinks he just has really bizarre luck sometimes and has no idea whatsoever that its often actually premonition - “i got off at Brookton because i just felt like it i guess, i dunno” actually ended up being the place he met his future boyfriend, made the best friends he’s ever had, finally found a place to live, etc, but he would never even consider “I had a premonition about this place” as like, even a Possibility 

- Skye seems like the last person you’d expect to have a Death alignment but he actually definitely does; he’s incredibly empathetic and sensitive to the energy and emotions around him, he can see ghosts, he’s had actual direct prophetic dreams before, he trusts instincts when he gets them because they’re usually right. He also has a very high Light affinity. this manifested COMPLETELY backwards with damian, possibly Because skye’s alignment is so solid and strong - damian’s powers are literally darkness, and despite being a piece of shit murderer obsessed with death, he actually has basically no skill with Death magic at all. he’s barely aware of ghosts. he acts on impulse and self interest, he ignores Vibes and Energy because he feels he’s above it and knows best himself regardless. he has No empathy. he loves to kill but he does not understand death. he doesn’t see himself as a person who can die. the dead want nothing to do with him

Chris || Life/Light --- Phoebe || Life/Light

chris doesn’t seem to match his alignment - telekinesis seems like it’d be a Dark magic, but it’s actually highly physical, you can actually see it manifesting as light in his eyes when he uses it, and it’s all about physically manipulating objects in his environment. He cares very deeply about his souls and has learned to communicate well with the dead, but struggles to connect emotionally in a way that makes sense to others around him. He cares fiercely, intensely, with everything in his being; he stores collected souls in a mechanism he integrated in with his own actual physical heart, but he has a very difficult time expressing and showing it, so he still often comes across as distant and emotionally oblivious, especially to Death aligned people 

- Gavin and Kayzee both have strong Light tendencies too. kayzee especially is a definite Life person 

Mayzie || Life/Darkness with some Light tendencies

mayzie is very very very bad at Death magic, which is. probably a big reason she dropped out of her training

[gg-astrology]

Based off of jungkook’s chart, what physical attributes would attract him? I’ve read that he would really like feminine/girly girls bc of his libra venus and rising. Is that true?

Hey there! 💕 Thanks for the ask! 💕

Ahh, personally, unless it came from the artist themselves (and is accurate since some don’t remember their exact time), I don’t usually use rising signs for idol reading since it’s unconfirmed. So for this, I’m going to use his inner placements (Virgo Sun | Leo Moon | Virgo Mercury | Libra Venus | Scorpio Mars ) without the rising, ok? 

Also, I’m going to interpret this as the physical attribute he would be drawn to for romantic candidates, not just for sexual relationships. 

Note: This is just my interpretation of his chart. It’s not a definite telling of what he likes, every interpretation is different so you can choose what you think fits most! 

[Below cut: JK’s: Ideal Attractive Physical Attributes (+ placements)]

I outlined this already, but the mind matters more for JK. So basing this on the last few paragraphs of  JK: Ideal type , I think in terms of detailing the physical attributes he’d be attracted to: it would come down to core strength and consistency ( the kind of beauty that means someone is trying to take care of themselves whether they have time to or not)

You know like, people who exude more Virgo-healer/care-giver type vibe? Not the self-deprecation, not the stressfulness of the Virgo. But someone who embodies what Virgo is, at it’s best. The what could-be’s of actual Virgo in full developed stages. That’s something inspirational for him to draw from. So someone who might have a lot of Capricorn/Taurus in their chart who exhibits the ‘absent’ Virgo because of their overall placements might have that. 

(It’s because his Virgo Sun/Merc | Libra Venus is also kind of half-in love with the idea of someone who takes care of themselves, and is considered healthier than them as well.) 

The ‘busy-bodiness’ of the person appeals to him, it’s the type of fire-sign energy (or Cardinal energy). Someone who’s not afraid to do stuff or instigate something (Leo Moon). But also someone who works well in group settings (Libra Venus) and is a team player. 

It’s mostly to do with his temperament (Leo Moon) being able to keep up with the person’s activities (doesn’t feel drain or dragged) but also admiring them for being proficient in the things he values (social relations and being adequate in them - Virgo Sun/Merc)   

Think about it, JK cares about his team members. So someone who can work with people is important to him. If they share the same values, they have something in common to respect in each other (Virgo Sun-Merc/Leo Moon - respect is important)

Someone who fights passionately for what they believe in (strong Mercury) and isn’t afraid to speak their minds in regards to others. (help others: Leo/Pisces) Someone who might often find themselves fighting for a humanitarian cause (Aquarius) and works hard for their job (Capricorn), but isn’t dismissive to him about it (like, cares about him but also have their own work to do - Sagittarius). 

He respect someone who seems like they’ll put effort into relationships with others/treats others fairly. (Libra) He wants someone who has some grounding placement in them (Virgo) and caring enough to acknowledge him in passing if they meet (Leo).  

He mentioned his ideal ‘height requirement’ before? That’s probably more indicative of his taste, since he says so himself. 

The whole height thing might have more to do with the person not looking like they’re physically weak. Therefore not being helpless when he’s not around to ‘guard’ or ‘protect’ them. Someone with a smaller height might probably appeal to the ‘must protect’ instinct in people. It’s about presence, but also dependability you feel when you’re around someone close to/towers above you. 

If he has to feel like he’s constantly worried about his partner, then it’s not a balanced relationship to him. If his partner is tiny, then he might feel obligated to think he has to take care of them. And when he’s taking care of them, it feels like he doesn’t have the time or freedom to do what he wants/his job/hang out with others. Thus as outlined above, someone caring but independent and a reliability about them. 

He feels like if the other person can take care of themselves, then he won’t have to worry about leaving them alone.  I don’t think he’d actively look for someone of the petite/frail, but someone who looks like they can pull their own weight in places. Presence, in social domain. Someone who’s not to be messed with even if they’re on the smaller side of things. He did say he looks for someone who seems like they’re healthy. Healthy here might be physically and mentally at the same time. (inner and outer strength - core strength) 

It’s not about feminine/girly-girls, if you think about it JK is a bit of a nervous wreck and kind of needs time to open up to someone (girl or otherwise). Someone who kind of acts a certain way and expects him to take initiative? 

That Virgo/Libra wouldn’t make the first move in a million years. His Leo Moon would like the attention sure, the bravado and expectation of playing the gender role of a classical romance is appealing. But the actuality of it with his overall chart? Less likely than you think! 

Personally, he’s way too anxious to approach someone. Especially romantically. Unless he’s caught respect for them on first impression (Virgo Mercury) he’s going to be intensely critical of the person until he’s convinced himself he doesn’t like them. If he does actually like someone (see: admire them for a period of time) he’ll go into observation mode. It’s like a safari with him. He’s fascinated by the lion but he doesn’t want to approach the lion just yet. He has to gather everything (Virgo) before he can make his move.(Libra)  

So the feminine girly-girls? likely idea, but maybe not thought through to applicability. If you look at it from his perspective, what he can do and what he wants to do sometimes doesn’t align. To a Leo Moon, that kind of embarrassment just isn’t going to be worth it for him. (examples: summer package yoonkook introduction, as well as run ep.56 where he gets nervous just saying his poems to his hyungs.) Whether he pursues them in public or private, putting himself out there isn’t going to be his forte.   

So what are the alternatives: 

I think he’d go for more of the next-door-effortlessly-beautiful type? Au natural, but the focus here is more on their hard-working nature. 

Maybe sometimes, the person is consumed by larger things in life that they don’t tend to focus on the vanity side of things (which he can help them balance it out due to Libra Venus). 

The person can forget about their appearance sometimes, but they take care of themselves. The person is consistently healthy, and has a good skin texture because they eat well. (Which his Virgo will place importance on– it’s weird, but it’s a sensory thing as well as a core value thing.)

The person isn’t so self-conscious, but they’re more confident in themselves and their work. Their beauty can be understated, as long as they don’t have extremely-lowered self-esteem issues, or let vanity get to their head. He can help with that (Leo/Libra), but he needs to know the person not using him for it (put in work on their own part, transparency, treats him fairly.) 

The person have to be pure-hearted, in terms of their intensions with him (Virgo/Leo/Libra makes this very clear that it’s important). They have to stay consistent that way throughout the entirety of their relationship (before and after getting together).  

Someone who’s un-intimidating to approach, that he feels can meets him halfway (Libra Venus). Someone who’s kind of laid back and approachable, isn’t perfect and has small imperfections he can help with. Sees things as a collaborative effort on both parties to help each other out. 

Someone who might be more likely to initiate things, he’d want to learn how to be more socially out-going/helpful. While he wants to help them grow as a person as well (whatever they need - Virgo Sun/Mercury ‘serving’). This way, it feels like an effort on both their part (Libra - fairness). There’s some initiation and action they’re both contributing to the relationship (Scorpio Mars) and it’s helping fuel it forward in a way. 

So yeah, someone who doesn’t necessarily have to be a full on feminine/girl-girl. But can just take care of themselves. 

If they can wear jeans/shirt or a simple outfit and still look pretty – he’d be into it. 

So that’s my answer who who I think JK will be attracted to!💕 

Also, as a note going forward. I’m going to try to be as gender-neutral as possible with my ideal type replies. 

The asks will still apply to those of you who goes by ‘she/her’, but please be equally aware that when you describe your ideal type it rarely comes down to just ‘manly men’ or ‘goths only’ either. Everyone’s ideal type is complex and full of spectrum/criteria makes them ideal to them.Simplifying that complexity down to a trope is a disservice to people.

Thanks again for the ask! I hope this answers your question! 💕 

[coalessscence]

STATS 

REPOST, DON’T REBLOG

(i’m doing this for remembrance) ・・・・・★ BASICS.

FULL NAME:  Remembrance Raimond Descoteaux NICKNAME: doesn’t have any. honestly has never had anyone to give her one. the closest would be that while undercover, she rarely bothers to introduce herself- she rarely says much at all. she is commonly referred to as just ‘driver’. AGE: 26 (may be adapted) (verse dependent) BIRTHDAY: November 1316th, 1945 (verse dependent)  NATIONALITY: French American PLACE OF BIRTH: Ohio, USA  CURRENT LOCATION: Anywhere her case takes her, across the US and sometimes beyond. Technically, her non-undercover, legal residence is in new york, though. PRONOUNS: because she looks like a woman, she gets labeled as such and ‘ma’amed’, referred to with she/her, etc. she is agender, but in a time when that’s not really a well known thing, so she doesn’t have the terminology for it. she knows she doesn’t think of herself as a woman, but that’s about all she knows. she would honestly answer to literally any pronouns you decided to use without issue, but generally gets referred to as she/her and doesn’t feel the need to argue.  ORIENTATION: polysexual, aromantic RELIGION: doesn’t subscribe to any faith in particular and was not raised with one; also is not actively an atheist. kind of just legitimately doesn’t care one way or the other. LANGUAGES: her first language was french; she obviously fluent in english as well, but has an Accent (tm) VOICE: the same as her fc, isabelle adjani. this is a p good representation. i would just say remembrance’s accent might be slightly more notable. ・・・・・★ PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES.

EYE COLOR: dark brown HAIR COLOR: dark brown HEIGHT: 5′4 BODY BUILD:   short, tiny, very thin. she has more muscle than her boxy t shirts and button-ups let you know about. her widest place is probably her hips- but even those are on the slim side. she doesn't have a lot of chest either; not that she'd ever let you see it even if she did.

・・・・・★ NOTABLE FEATURES.

people always notice the accent. she’s sort of tired of them asking. not really angry- just over it.

notable scarring from being in fights, from being stabbed, and from that one bullet wound she had that time.

a sort of stoic existence; you rarely see a change in her expression or her tone of voice.

she’s actually very bad with people, outside the very specific professional standards she usually interacts with them in the parameters of, and as soon as an interaction leaves the script, it becomes very apparent.

has a necklace that was a family heirloom. pretty much always wears it.

・・・・・★ PHOBIAS & DISEASES.

PHOBIAS/FEARS: remembrance is a strange one- she doesn’t, in the traditional sense of the word, have a lot of fears. there are a couple things that concern her; the main being that she’s not a human like everyone else. she already feels different, for the gender reasons, and because being aromantic in the 1960s and 1970s with no terminology or awareness for it is a sure fire way to be branded a robot. but also, she just doesn’t feel like she fits in with people. she can’t say why. interaction is difficult for her, and emotions- both their expression, and sometimes, feeling them at all- are a problem.if asked to describe it, she might just say all of her emotions have the volume turned down. she can count on one hand the number of people she has had any kind of meaningful connections to. why would she pursue more? she isn’t human. no one would want her anyways. she’s too different. people don’t like her, and in return, she doesn’t like them. she’s afraid of people, and just a little bit of herself. DISEASES: when she was very tiny, before her parents died, they noted that their child was different from other children. she didn’t ever smile, she rarely laughed, and she lacked a range in expression that other children seemed to have. they took her to see someone about it, concerned that she was sick or that they were doing something wrong. some mention had been made of there perhaps being “an axis II personality disorder” at play, but the parents were also told not to worry about it- that they should wait and see how she matured before they were truly concerned for her sanity, and that it was “probably nothing”. they took that advice. it was not technically an official diagnoses. today, she might be diagnosed with asperger’s, and/or an avoidant personality disorder.

・・・・・★ PERSONALITY.

GENERAL IMPRESSION:  i think people just have a lot of questions about her. who is this strange ‘woman’ who never smiles or expresses true humor? no one can tell if she likes them or not, no one can tell if she’s thinking anything at all. one of the few things holding her back in her career, from becoming a lieutenant or higher, is her interaction skills, and her general perception with others. no one knows her and she doesn’t know anyone. it’s like she was copy and pasted from another universe and brought nothing with her. she is smart,  quick witted, and adaptable. she does have a (somewhat dry) sense of humor, and she isn’t actually an asshole- she doesn’t hate people, she doesn’t lack empathy, she’s not a sociopath. but that is how she’s perceived and she doesn’t go out of her way to stop it. she largely doesn’t care, but i also don’t think she would know how to.

but on the other hand, she is somewhat morally ambiguous. she is sort of rude sometimes, intentionally or not. she doesn’t mince words for tact. if your opinion is not indifferent or curious, it is hostile. the impressions that people have of her are all very similar, and she has sort of accepted all of them as an apparent reflection of herself. they all see her that way, so that’s who she is. she’s not offended. she just sees it all as facts. MORAL ALIGNMENT: true neutral 

・・・・・★ MISC.

・・★ LIKES:

car & racing culture

driving in general

very strong coffee

traditional french foods

americana-flavored rock music (i.e. america, the eagles, etc)

sex

record & tape stores

androgynous clothing

the concept (but not the practice) of being a punk

actually helping people in her job (it actually kind of makes her feel something ???)

・・★ DISLIKES:

people who label her a certain, negative way

just people in general tbh

the way people have expectations for her & her life but don’t even know her

pretending to care

men hitting on her (why are they all so gross) (why do they ask why she’s ‘dressed like a dude’) (they can all fuck off in her opinion)

being asked to trust anyone for anything

doing any job she doesn’t actually care about

expressing emotion and/or being real or vulnerable

being told what to do

letting anyone else drive her car

TAGGED BY: @piper-aileen-lenox <3 TAGGING: uhhhhhH ok @surviivorx @psychicinstincts @themostpowerfuleditor @survivaliist @seesgood @truckturning @abouttiime @violetxsilverxstark @cointriicked @aggressivelyarrogant and akdhffgf ANYONE WHO WANTS TO STEAL IT AND TAG ME BC THATS P RAD

[heartxshaped-bruises]

GET TO KNOW MY CHARACTER !!

   @nanlanmo​: ❛❛ 1, 4(ehehe), 12, and 13 for the getting to know the muse meme for Tal! ❜❜    

                                                           ✧･ﾟ  𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃.    

★   𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐍

01. WHAT DOES YOUR CHARACTER’S NAME MEAN? Did you pick it for the symbolism, or did you just like the way it sounded?

Originally, Tal was supposed to have a different name but I noticed that I already have another muse who has a name that could sound similar, so I discarded it again and went back to dig for something else. Given that he’s a Unseelie Fae I of course wanted something that has a closer connection to the origins of the lore since his FC doesn’t. I rarely actively choose a name for my muses bc usually, they pop up and bring their names into it, whether I like them or not. In Tal’s case I’ve had a bunch of new ones on the list before I settled for the one he has now. 

It’s Welsh and has some mythological relations to a famous brittonic poet and basically means ‘radiant brow’, as far as I know. That dude allegedly predicted a king’s death when he was at court as well and that’s also why Tal is very good at estimating and predicting his surroundings and others in a very advanced way -- not as in clairvoyant because I thought he’s just a natural and I like it better that way.

04. WHAT ARE THEIR FAVORITE TRAITS ABOUT THEIR LOVER? (one psychological and one physical)

Since YOU sent it *ahem* we will talk about Jessica of course.

PSYCHOLOGICAL: She doesn’t bore him. She keeps him on his feet. I once mentioned that it’s dangerous when he loses his interest in someone, but Jessica’s always good for a surprise. She doesn’t back off when he comes at her and it’s impressing to him how she can be so stubborn and confident but at the same time, seem fragile when she thinks no one is looking. It’s a delicate balance that really entices him.

PHYSICAL: Let’s narrow it down to her hair. I noticed that he mentions it more frequently than other things and he thinks it looks very beautiful. If it wouldn’t be for the arranged marriage that could have been a thing that got his attention if they met otherwise.

12. IS THERE SOME PARTICULAR TALENT, SKILL OR ATTRIBUTE THAT THEY SIMPLY COULD NOT GIVE UP?

First off, he can’t stop analyzing people. But that’s more of a habit that he also relies on heavily in his position as Gabriel’s advisor. In his regular verse he’s very into sports and tries every thing under the sun (if it doesn’t involve water). He needs to indulge in a lot of activity, he thrives when he’s at it. Same goes for simple training and sparring -- he’s good at it and doesn’t care if he gets hurt in the process. 

He also took a lot of interest in anything you can create with your hands like food, build stuff or make jewelery. He’s very good at the latter and uses little trinkets to trick people.

13. WHAT ARE YOUR CHARACTER’S SLEEPING HABITS? Heavy or light sleeper? Blanket stealer? One that always rolls onto the floor? Pushes their lover onto the floor? Sleep talker or walker?

Tal can fall asleep anywhere. He needs to be flexible and adaptive as a part of The Wild Hunt and has a low pain tolerance when it comes to this. He’s a very light sleeper though for exactly the same reasons and will wake up at the slightest sound that’s just a little too loud for his dog ears. Most of the time Tal sleeps on his back when in bed and tends to snatch the blanket if he has to share. Other than that he’s agreeable, though. No snorring, no talking, maybe an occasional twitching of legs but that’s it.

[defenestrata]

erich + ALL (too bad suffer w me)

stares into camera like i’m in the office. thanks realm. i lov having friends on the internets. i’m still figuring out erich’s character bc he was ( and likely still is ) a little bland but what’s under the cut is long so enjoy djhsjhfs

QUESTIONS FOR YOUR OCS

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

about half an hour at best, to be honest. and he’s the most patient person in his family. 

How easy is it for your character to laugh?

not easy, not at all. erich isn’t no-nonsense, he just doesn’t have a tendency to open his mouth and laugh. sharp exhales and repressed smirks all around. 

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?

sleeping pills. due to a couple of past incidents, erich has a crippling discomfort in the dark. and he’s also not rich enough to keep the lights on all night. about 1/3 of the time, he doesn’t need artificial medication, but sometimes he does. 

How easy is it to earn their trust?

full and complete ‘i’d die for you and i know you’d die for me’ trust ? near impossible ! erich’s trusted like five people in his life, one of which went missing, two of which were separated from him and the other two that betrayed him. 

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

his idea of mistrust is pretty black and white. which means that he only decides to lose faith when you do something that stabs him in the back. that’s probably why two people have already stabbed him in the back. maybe one more will.

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

laws are only good for making sure everyone stays out of everyone else’s way. otherwise, miscellaneous laws like piracy and intellectual property aren’t that important to him. 

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

the one particular thing that triggers nostalgia for him is snow. erich’s memory of snow is not separate from his memory of old friends and family. until the point that he didn’t reunite with his fam, he felt nothing but a hollow bitterness. now, seeing snow is a little more calming. 

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?

alright, so for one, for the longest time he was supposed to be an important role model for his sister, younger than him by five years. so he was pushed to start being responsible from a pretty young age. after that he had to be pushed to participate in things at school, which he hated doing because it was all silly and he was bad at arts and crafts. 

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

oh yeah, sure. he has no sanctity when it comes to that kind of stuff. his first swear word has to be shit. but in german, so scheiße. mama was absolutely shooked.

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

unfort, erich has told and continues to tell a lot of lies, some little and white, others less so. the most significant lie he’s told is hiding what really happened while he was on his own from his family. okay, this needs some insight on his backstory jhsjfds but uh to summarise: he was separated from his family, under the guardianship of a stranger for a little while, but got involved in deep web conspiracies and eventually got himself kidnapped and psychologically tortured for a bit but he hasn’t told his fam about it after they reunited. 

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

his pride, damn it. he will never admit he hasn’t understood anything ever, he’ll just nod and try to fill in the gaps himself and i hate him. 

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

try his best to reach it. his parents didn’t raise a quitter. probably just duck into a quiet place if there are too many people around. 

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

he thinks he looks really good in this grey jacket he has, which he’s especially partial to. it’s pretty shit. what he really looks good in are stark colours, especially black and white. 

What animal do they fear most?

dogs. he has allergies. other than that, maybe raccoons. 

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

he rehearses absolutely nothing and dies like a man. however, to be honest, speaking isn’t really his thing, it’s kind of a last resort. he’s much, much more of a listener. that being said, he has the tendency to say things that aren’t socially tactful, but not frequently.

What makes their stomach turn?

later in his arc he’s forced to be a decent protagonist and blackmail the antagonist with what the antagonist loves the most. he doesn’t like being in a position where there’s absolutely no doubt he’s doing something bad. basically if he knows he’s breaking the golden rule, he’s going to be uncomfortable. 

Are they easily embarrassed?

yes. yes. and his friend jamie, another oc, will use this to her advantage until she dies. 

What embarrasses them?

compliments. insults. mentions of his past. just anything that’s about him, being said by another people. he talks about himself, others talk about themselves

What is their favorite number?

what’s the point ?? he has no favourites. 

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

noah fence but he’s a terrible person to ask about this. he’d literally say “familial love is like platonic love but for family” and “romantic love is platonic love but when you kiss”. 

Why do they get up in the morning?

fuck if he knows. first it was because he’d get dragged out of bed by his physical therapist if he didn’t show up. now it’s because he’s being hunted down by an organised crime cult thing.

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

erich has difficulty making personal attachments to anything, so he isn’t frequently overwhelmed by strong feelings of jealousy. if he is, he has difficulty making anything of it beyond “i am mad. why am i mad. what”.

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)?

for the first week erich does try to take some kind of moral high ground and ignore it, but second week leads to bitterness and snideness. although envy is not really a big deal for him. he has a fairly healthy family dynamic once he reunites with them, finances aren’t terrible etc. if i had to attribute a fatal flaw to them it’d be either pride or wrath. 

Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom?

i mean, in theory he’s comfortable because he doesn’t think of it as some super taboo subject. sure, sex. but because he’s been socially constrained for much of his life he’s just kind of bleh about it. 

What are their thoughts on marriage?

marriage is marriage. woop. does he want to get married ? heck no, he’s got shit to do. 

What is their preferred mode of transportation?

the london tube (he lives in london). the organisation of so many lines with all the crossover points is so, so satisfying. 

What causes them to feel dread?

forgetting. names, places, faces, details. especially when he can’t remember if it was important or not. he hates being surprised by events. 

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth?

yes. yes. absolutely yes. truth is way overrated in society in his opinion. nothing is really true because everything is subjective. in which case, people can just pick the reality that suits them. if it doesn’t hurt anybody, why bother. 

Do they usually live up to their own ideals?

no. his ideal isn’t as much an image of himself as it is the goal of taking down aforementioned organised crime ring. he hasn’t done that yet. 

Who do they most regret meeting?

i’m so very glad you asked. albert michael strauss, a colleague of erich’s father, who took him in after he was separated from his family, and took splendid care of him — for the first year. after that, he realised that erich was involved in shady business and gave him out to the police without a blink which later led to the kidnapping. yeah, erich wants him dead. 

Who are they the most glad to have met?

kisha and jamie, his physical therapist and her mentee respectively. they were pretty successful in bringing him out of his shell after the torture, giving him support, asking about his family, helping out with finances, and finally even letting him stay with them when he gets evicted later in the story. 

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke?

if erich’s super comfortable with you he may tell you stories of his younger sister being dumb.  of which he has quite a few. otherwise, if he’s feeling a little prideful, he’ll tell you the story of how he got onto a plane and got off it scot free without a boarding pass or a passport. yes, that did actually happen, and he’s so proud. 

Could they be considered lazy?

no. he knows what he wants and he’s proactive enough to get it.

How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt?

oh boy, okay so erich rarely does things that make him feel a super genuine sense of guilt. he tends to justify it with ‘it was necessary’. but if something does indeed make him feel guilty he will he haunted by it for days and days. 

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive?

he listens and nods and maybe even quips. if its someone very close he’ll agree to help if needed. he’s got a very impersonal kind of supportive system that i’m still figuring out. 

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?

i mean provided that a) he trusts someone, and b) cares about them to the extent that he has such strong platonic love that he begins to be confused about his feelings, he’d be in love. but that’s a huge process. so no thanks. 

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)?

not really sksksk he forgets things like a cool person. 

What memory do they revisit the most often?

memories of being locked in a tiny dark room, memories of being kept in a blindingly white, noiseless room. memories of being bombarded with loud and overlapping speeches and music till he can’t even hear his own thoughts. that kind of memory. 

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?

difficult. his natural cynicism of people emphasizes on their flaws and may even ignore their good points. even with his best friends, he can’t ignore flaws when they pop up. it doesn’t diminish his appreciation of them, however.

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

facts: erich’s sense of self is awful. he is pretty much playing a video game character of himself in the real world, interacting with objects and making observations with little attention on himself. if someone did call them out for being apathetic, cold and/or straight up duplicitous and condescending he’ll go “yes but what’s your point”

How do they feel about children?

okay, kids are a bit of a weak spot with erich, mostly because he has a baby sister. he likes how silly and unbothered about the world they are, it’s very amusing to him. also, objectively, he’s relatively decent at calming kids down and taking care of basic needs. once the mess that is his plot is over he wouldn’t mind having a kid. 

How badly do they want to reach their end goal?

he wants to take down mettugi pretty badly but he’s not passionately blindsided enough to do something stupid. he’s willing to kill but he’s not willing to die. if he plays his cards right it won’t be necessary. 

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?

shrug emoji. it all depends on who he can connect with. 

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?

i’m excited mainly because i want to break a really gross trope in writing him. there’s this trope of tall, dark, handsome boys with dark pasts that are abusive to their friends and generally flat characters with no real meaning to them. i want a surface level tall, dark and handsome with genuine wit, capacity for sympathy and a moral code skskks 

B) What inspired you to create them?

oh boy long story short i doodled a person on the back of a test paper in ninth grade which gave me an idea for a detached character who hacks in solitude and he’s sort of developed over the years into what he is today. no single thing inspired him. 

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

no, because they’re the protagonist for the first segment of this story.

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

absolutely not ! draft one erich was much older, and ethnically german. this erich is younger and the son of turkish immigrants to germany. 

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

i think we’re both too detached and awkward to get along and get close, but we certainly wouldn’t have arguments. 

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

frustration because ARGH i’m having trouble getting a hold of him and fleshing him out

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

erich is meant to be a little volatile, but i’m having difficulty defining it very well. also it gets everyone around them to pull away just when they were getting close and that’s frustrating as an author too.

H) What trait do you admire most?

casual sympathy ! erich won’t hold your hand and tell you it’s alright but he will try to cook for you. he also tends to be generous to buskers and the like just because. 

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

yes but i do that with all my ocs because they’re so defined by their context and canon.

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

uh i’m not 100% sure what this question is asking tbh but the way this story is proceeding it’s very much driven by the characters — the story doesn’t make the muses, it’s the other way around.

[knightedwriter]

All of them, for alderon and garrick pls pls pls

Putting this one under the cut cause uh. This gon be long. :D Alderon’s first, then Garrick. I know I’ve answered a couple of these for them already, so I’m just gonna copy pasta those.

01. What does your character’s name mean? Did you pick it for the symbolism, or did you just like the way it sounded?

There really isn’t a name meaning for Alderon, but in the world of my WIP it means “self-reliant”. He chose it deliberately. I chose it for the way it sounds.

Garrick means “spear king” which doesn’t fit him at all. I liked the way it sounded though so I went with it.

02. What is one of your character’s biggest insecurities? Are they able to hide it easily or can others easily exploit this weakness?

Alderon is insecure about his sexuality and sexual ability. No one would guess; he’s pretty confident in all other matters.

…except of course, in how the people he loves see him :)

Garrick feels insecure about his ability to do things on his own–ie he never thinks he’s living up to expectations and that he’s always failing in some way. It’s really easy to exploit this if you know him well. Strangers wouldn’t be able to pick up on it but he’s more open with the people he loves.

03. What would be their favorite physical trait about themselves?

Alderon likes his face–the sharp features make him seem immaculate and undefeatable, which is what he strives to be.

Garrick loves his scars. They prove to him that he has done something with his life and been successful.

04. What are their favorite traits about their lover? (one psychological and one physical)

Alderon loves Garrick’s rugged good looks–his wild hair and scruffy face, combined with his mischievous golden eyes. He also loves Garrick’s teasing nature–seeing him lighthearted and comfortable enough to let down his guard is always a pleasure.

Garrick loves Alderon’s eyes–both when they’re brown, and when they’re red. He also loves Alderon’s gentleness; he loves softly, which is such a contrast to his rough personality.

05. Are they sexually confident or more of the shy type?

Alderon is so shy and inexperienced. When it comes to sex, he’s practically a nervous wreck.

Garrick, on the other hand, is super confident–definitely the type to have some strange kinks.

06. Do they have any hobbies that their lover finds unusual, odd, or otherwise annoying?

He practically devours knowledge and will read all the time, to the point of not paying attention to his surroundings, which can be an annoyance.

Garrick’s would be taking care of/collecting animals because he just. Does that. Adopts random animals. And Alderon doesn’t like animals very much so this can be annoying.

07. Is there a catchphrase or sound that they tend to make a lot (likely without being aware of it)?

Alderon says “foolish” a lot. Like a lot, a lot.

Garrick, though this is not really a catchphrase so much as just plain sad, says “sorry” a lot.

08. What is, perhaps, their biggest flaw? Are they aware of this or oblivious to it?

Alderon’s stubborn. He picks something and sticks with it, despite doubts or fears that it may be wrong. He’s at least subconsciously aware of it. It’s why he thinks Keenan would probably hate him now–he chose a path a long time ago that Keenan tried to keep him from.

Garrick lacks confidence in himself. He always fears he’s failure, or that he can’t do anything right. He’s hyper aware of it, but that doesn’t mean he can make it stop.

09. Do they have a favorite season? What about a favorite holiday?

Alderon likes the summer. Warm weather and growing things makes for good travel conditions. He doesn’t celebrate holidays, though his anniversary with Garrick comes about as close to a favorite as you can get.

Garrick likes fall for its pretty colors and cooler temperatures. He also likes winter for the snow. He celebrates holidays, though he doesn’t really get zealous about it or anything.

10. Is your character more feminine or masculine?

Masculine for Alderon. 

Probably more feminine for Garrick.

(though of course I don’t really like the implications of this question bc most of my characters are somewhere in between traditional masculine and feminine “roles” but w/e).

11. What is something that would make your character fly into a rage?

For Alderon, it would be if he lost control of a situation or if someone hurt the people he loves.

For Garrick, it would be someone insulting his family’s honor, or if someone hurt innocents purposefully.

12. Is there some particular talent, skill, or attribute that they simply could not give up?

For Alderon that would be his ability to sign.

Garrick would never give up his mortality–it’s what makes him feel alive and free. After he meets Alderon, he’s made all the more aware that he wants to live the life he’s been given.

13. What are your character’s sleeping habits? Heavy or light sleeper? Blanket stealer? One that always rolls onto the floor? Pushes their lover onto the floor? Sleep talker or walker?

Alderon doesn’t have to sleep as much as humans, so he tends to sleep every other day rather than every day. He’s a light sleeper and he’ll sleep talk. He doesn’t move very much in his sleep so he won’t push people onto the floor or take blankets. But he does have nightmares so.

Garrick is a light sleeper too, and definitely a blanket stealer. He’s likely to push Alderon onto the floor, though thankfully they’re often out sleeping on the ground. Very rarely, Garrick will sleep walk. With Alderon around, though, he doesn’t often get that far.

14. Do they live alone or with family? How do they feel about their family/roommates?

Alderon lives alone (until Garrick and the kids of course). When he does start living with his family, he loves it more than he expected to. There comes a time when he couldn’t live without them.

Garrick lived with his friend Serah before he decided to take a trip for himself. Not long after, he meets Alderon, and they then live together. Garrick loves his family, both the kids he adopts with Alderon, and his mom.

15. Is there a certain person in this world that they cannot stand? The very mention of this person’s name makes them tremble with anger or fear.

Oh yes. Hunters are one group of people that will set Alderon’s teeth on edge and make him murderous. And then there’s one other person…

Garrick’s is his ex. And hunters become a big thing as well, though he doesn’t feel as strongly as Alderon.

16. Is your character the athletic type or more of a couch potato? What are some sports/games that they like?

Athletic for both. Alderon doesn’t really play games/sports (has too much of an advantage), but he’ll chase around Garrick if he’s feeling playful. Garrick used to play a lot of games/sports for training and with his knight buddies.

17. Does your character have dreams of getting married and/or having children?

Not until Keenan for Alderon. And then…not until Garrick. He doesn’t really think about children until suddenly he’s ended up adopting a few, but marriage weighs on him after he realizes he would never want to leave Garrick’s side.

Garrick’s never really thought about marriage. He hasn’t had a steady enough relationship, for one, and for another, he lives in the moment more than in the future. Once Alderon comes into his life, he does eventually think about it seriously. He’s always secretly wanted to raise a kid, but like Alderon he never really seriously considers it until he suddenly ends up adopting a few.

18. What kind of home would they want to live in? Where would they place this abode?

For Alderon, it would be a place out in the forest, away from huge groups of people. Alderon’s pretty restless and likes to travel, but after a while he would love to settle with Garrick in a tiny cottage and spend the rest of Garrick’s life with him.

Garrick likes the city, but he also loves forests, so he’d love to settle with Alderon’s idea. He’d want a bigger place than what Alderon’s thinking, and maybe a bit closer to civilization, but they wouldn’t differ too much otherwise.

19. Would your character be the kind to get into fights? (physical or verbal) Would they be a good fighter or cave in rather easily?

Have you met Alderon? Good lord he’ll get into any fight, physical, verbal, or otherwise. He’s good at it too.

Garrick doesn’t go looking for fights, but if he gets into one you bet he’s good at it (physically). Verbally, he’d be pretty easy to sway, at least early on. His lack of confidence in himself keeps him from speaking well or strongly.

20. Does your character like animals? What are some of their favorite animals? Would they want pets? What about mythological creatures?

Not Alderon. Animals don’t usually like him so Alderon doesn’t like them. But he does have to budge on this when Garrick comes into his life since Garrick is such an animal lover. He tolerates cats, but keep mythical creatures far away from him (they out of anything have the power to hurt him).

Garrick loves animals. All of them (but he has a fondness for horses). You wouldn’t catch him without pets–whatever wanders into his life is immediately adopted. That would include mythological creatures, if they (and Alderon) would let him. He would love to adopt a unicorn.

21. What is one of your character’s biggest fears? How would they react when dealing with this fear?

Alderon fears Keenan’s rejection (and, later, Garrick’s) for the things he’s done. He also fears Garrick growing old without him.

Garrick fears that he never does anything right, or that he’ll never be able to do things for himself.

22. What kind of tattoos, piercings, birthmarks, freckles, and other such unique physical features do they have?

Alderon has a scar across his shoulder blades and down to his side. He would get ear piercings too, if he got the chance.

Garrick has scars all over his body, and a birthmark just under his ear. No piercings, but he does have a small tattoo on his shoulder blade.

23. What is your character like when it comes to school? What subjects are they good/bad at? Do they get in trouble a lot or are well behaved?

Well Alderon doesn’t go to school so xD But he’s a very astute learner so he’d do very well, especially with reading and learning languages.

Garrick is hyper focused in school, though also a little anxious in some situations. His “school” was knight training, and he was particular good with his long sword work, as well as his dagger work. He wasn’t necessarily well behaved, but he didn’t get himself in trouble a lot either.

24. In their own words, how would your character describe what their lover is like?

Alderon would describe Garrick as courageous, determined, noble, true, intelligent, and caring almost to a fault.

Garrick would describe Alderon as gentle, but closed off to all but a few. He’d say Alderon’s intelligent, loving, and strong, but afraid to trust others.

25. Is there something traumatic from your character’s past that greatly affects them even to this day?

Yep. Alderon’s turning was super traumatic, and so was Keenan’s death.

Garrick was raised by a single mother (not that she raised him badly, only that there’s pain surrounding his father) and he had an abusive ex. Both have shaped him greatly.

26. What is their lover like sexually? How do they feel about their lover’s quirks, needs, etc?

Garrick is very confident and playful, which scares Alderon at first. But he comes to love Garrick’s teasing and feels fully confident in giving himself over to Garrick’s whims.

Alderon is super awkward and nervous with sex. Garrick is way more sexual in nature, but he doesn’t push Alderon, and when they do have sex, he loves how sweet Alderon is about it. He’s very supportive of Alderon’s exploration of his own sexuality.

27. If your character was going to get arrested, what would be the most likely reason for it?

Alderon would be arrested for murder. I mean. That’s a given.

Garrick would be arrested for defending/being with Alderon. Letting a vampire feed on you is a grave crime.

28. If your character became a celebrity, what would they be famous for?

Alderon would be famous for his knowledge of languages–he’s fluent in many of them.

Garrick would be famous for his sword work. He’s really skilled (way more than he gives himself credit for). Really, the only reason he’s not famous for it is because everyone compares him to his mother.

29. What is one of the most courageous things your character has ever done for a loved one?

Alderon has trusted himself completely with Garrick.

Garrick has defended Alderon despite the ridicule and death threats he receives for it.

30. When it comes to the arts (music, film, theater, etc), what does your character like?

Alderon loves music and literature, as does Garrick.

31. Would your character be the kind capable of killing? Would they enjoy killing or only use it when necessary or, perhaps, refuse to kill no matter what?

Yes, Alderon has and will kill. He doesn’t find any real joy in it; he does it out of “necessity” and is neutral about the act.

Garrick is capable of killing, and has killed as well. He dislikes it, but will do it if necessary.

32. If your character’s lover offered to take them out on a dream date, what would they want to do?

Alderon: A warm night cuddling together under the stars, after a day of wandering through the forest and/or exploring pretty, out-of-the-way places. Garrick would fall asleep on Alderon after singing together and Alderon would be happy enough just to hold him all night.

Garrick: A day exploring some ruins or a city, and then cuddling by a fire, warm drinks in hand and kisses to spare. If it started to snow that would be a plus: they’d bundle up together under some blankets and share some warmth.

33. If your character wanted to be alone, where would they go?

Alderon takes walks, usually out in the woods.

Garrick would probably be the same, though he needs alone time only very rarely.

34. Does your character have favorite foods? (breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, snacks, etc)

Not Alderon, unless you count Garrick but Alderon doesn’t like to refer to him that way.

Garrick loves food and cooking and all that. Stew is his favorite food, but he’ll basically inhale anything.

35. Is your character afraid of death? If they got to choose how to die, how would they want to go?

Nope. He’s a super strong immortal, so death has never really been an issue (…for him…). He would choose to grow old and die with Garrick.

Garrick is afraid of death, at least at first. He wants to live his life thoroughly before he goes, though if he died saving people (ie in his line of work) he wouldn’t be too unhappy with that. Still, he’d like to grow old and die peacefully instead.

36. Does your character have any medical conditions? Are they serious or minor? Do they affect their day to day life?

Alderon is in perfect health, besides the scar on his back.

Garrick is also pretty healthy. He has a lot of scars all over his body, but none of them have seriously affected him.

37. What are some of your character’s pet peeves? What are some things that annoy them or disgust them?

Alderon hates when people are cowardly, sycophantic, or otherwise foolish. It frustrates him when people are underhanded or think they can get the better of him.

Garrick gets really annoyed when people attack the people he loves, are close-minded, or intentionally hurt others.

38. What kind of weather does your character like? Cloudy skies, rainy days, sunshine, etc?

Alderon likes sunshine, though sometimes it pains him to see it.

Give Garrick snow any day. He loves the stuff.

39. When people look at your character, is there some assumption they might make about them just by appearance? Is that assumption correct?

They might assume that Alderon’s not a person to cross. They would most definitely be right.

They would assume Garrick isn’t much of a fighter, despite his muscle (they would be dead wrong).

40. Does your OC have any guilty pleasures they enjoy? Hobbies, past times, music, etc that they wouldn’t want known by others?

Hmmm, well Alderon enjoys physical touch (cuddling, hand holding, etc.), which is not something he would’ve admitted to before Garrick since it would definitely sully his image.

Garrick doesn’t really get guilty about anything he does, except for stuff that he thinks makes him weak or fall short in some way. Nothing specifically comes to mind, though.

41. Does your character’s family affect your character in any way?

Blood family, no. Alderon hardly remembers them. But adopted family? Oh hell yes. He would die for them.

Garrick has his mom, who put high expectations on him from the very start. He loves her, but he’s constantly feeling like he fails her. His dad is someone he tries to avoid being like. And then of course he loves his adopted family very much.

42. Is there anything in your character’s past that they regret, haunts them, or they wish they could change?

Ahahahahaha. Yes. Both of them.

43. Does your character have a switch that changes aspects of their personality whether they are around friends, family, etc. Is there someone who gets to see their true self?

Alderon’s keeps up a pretty good facade around everyone, including Garrick when they first meet. He keeps up this dangerous, killer vibe that makes everyone fear him. Eventually, he completely opens up to Garrick, and he’s softer around the edges with his family (though I don’t think he ever fully lets his kids see the dark parts that he lets Garrick see).

Garrick keeps up a facade too, though he opens up…well, not easier, but he’s more willing (and desperate) to show his true self and get the support he needs. Alderon knows his true self (after a while) and so does his adopted family. Eventually, he opens up to his mom and friend Serah too.

44. Is there a particular event that would emotionally devastate your character?

Alderon: Garrick aging while Alderon stays the same.

Garrick: Getting the people around him hurt because he failed.

45. Is your character the kind to hide their true emotions or do they wear their heart on their sleeve?

Hide for Alderon.

Garrick is kinda a mix. He’s not afraid to cry in front of others, but he has layers of emotions, and sometimes he doesn’t show the deepest layer, his true thoughts.

46. What is some random affectionate thing that your character always does to their lover?

Alderon will kiss Garrick’s knuckles; it’s a bit of an unconscious habit. It usually happens when Garrick is talking animatedly or Alderon is overwhelmed by his beauty.

Garrick will come up behind Alderon if he’s doing something like cooking and wrap his arms around him + kiss the back of his neck before resting his head on Alderon’s shoulder.

47. Is your character outgoing? Would they be the leader of the friend group, or the quiet one that gets dragged along?

Alderon is a leader, but a quiet one. By himself, he kept things in his control pretty well. Now, he often lets Garrick take the lead.

Garrick is v outgoing. It depends on the situation, but he’s often leading the charge. He’s much louder than Alderon.

48. Is there anything in particular that would ignite your character’s jealousy? Or does your character not get envious?

Alderon’s jealousy is…odd. He wouldn’t really care if someone flirted with Garrick bc he knows that Garrick is true. But he doesn’t like when Garrick (and Keenan) insists on believing in other people and want to focus on saving people/teaching people that “monsters” are not so bad. It takes their focus away and puts it on things that Alderon doesn’t think can change.

Garrick doesn’t really get envious, except maybe if he perceives that others do well at everything they try. But even then, he doesn’t really succumb to those emotions.

49. What is something that your character has nightmares about? Are these frequent? Do they heavily affect your character’s mood?

For Alderon, it’s either Keenan’s death (less frequent) or Keenan showing hatred for him (frequent). In some of those dreams, Keenan is replaced with Garrick. He often gets more depressed on the days these nightmares occur–he’ll stay in bed later and find it hard to get up.

Garrick has nightmares about his ex (specifically about the stuff his ex said about him all being true). These are frequent. For a little while, he also had nightmares about what Alderon did to him, but those went away pretty quick. Garrick is so used to nightmares that they rarely affect his mood, though of course the fact that he dreams about it still means that there’s definitely something unresolved there.

50. If your character confessed love to their crush, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc, what would they say?

Ahahaha Alderon is….not so great with anything relationship-y. He’d probably either end up saying “I love you” in the middle of a fight or he would agonize about saying it for literal weeks until Garrick asked him what the hell was wrong. And mind you, as an immortal, he takes things REALLY slow. So he wouldn’t be saying this for a very long time.

Garrick would be the one to say it in a physically heated moment, probably with a compliment leading up to it (like “you’re amazing”). Though, with Alderon it’s a little different. He holds off because he senses Alderon’s nervousness. So he waits for Alderon to initiate in that case.

Thanks love! Sorry it took so long to do. If anyone wants to send me more prompts, you can do it for some of my other characters!

[goldenkiva]

unfiltered rambling (this is a (long) vent post; cw for some irl death mentions, sui and self harm mention (nothing in reality), bad mental health time, all that jazz

well it’s 7:30 am and ive been awake since 4 am. which is an improvement really. i slept at 12:30am ish, in contrast to constantly sleeping at 8 am or later the past month or so. and it’s been taking a very bad toll on me lately mentally. everything has been building up and probably toyin’s death (yes the one who was found dead, we were classmates in middle/high school...) was my breaking point as i had a very bad panic attack a few days after. that lasted a good 22 hours before i fully calmed down. it always takes me 5-9 hours to calm down from anxiety or trauma related bad times as i have no real coping mechanisms and i will just literally do nothing but stay huddled up in bed until the unbearable feeling goes away. but that one. was just really bad. i think i also accidentally upset one of my best friends before that which also attributed to it (we’re fine now.) it’s been a bit since i had that panic attack but i still feel so bad all the time. sometimes i joke about wataru giving me chest pain bc i love him so much but i feel like i havent experienced physical emotion in so long i just want to feel it even if it’s painful. i dont self harm so dw about that btw. but i rarely shed even a single tear anymore when ive always been a total cry baby. i only cry full on tears and sobs now when im being over stimulated during a conversation. i just genuinely want to feel physically excited or happy or sad or whatever. i want to feel physical emotion again and not just numbness with an occasional laff or on the verge of getting watery eyes but not even real crying or whatever. 

i also had to get a new phone bc my dumb clumsy self dropped my phone flat on the screen a second time and it was unrepairable which makes me sad bc i only had this phone for two years and it still ran perfectly well. i wanted to keep it for 3-4 years at least...i got a new one ordered yesterday and im splitting price with my dad n i just feel bad i had to get a new one at all bc because of covid and shit my parents are only getting half the usual business and we already dont make a ton. thankfully my parents and sister are the type to not spend recklessly in general (i am prob the biggest spender...) but that wont stop my dumb of ass generalized anxiety disorder from making me worry about bankruptcy or poverty or some other extreme. i hate it bc i cant do anything about these thoughts except just what feels like sitting in mud and i slowly sink in. i wish i was an artist with more clout because i desperately want to be have consistent (or any) income. even before covid i always feel bad about not having a job. ik it’s hard to balance school and work anyway so it’s fine if im not working but it sucks. american college is a scam. at least i didnt go to an art school. (well. i am in art program in college. but not going to an arts dedicated school like ringling. which is significantly more expensive. if i went to art school id be significantly more likely to end up in very heavy debt) but i hate having gad. i hate not having any real coping mechanisms. i feel frustrated and a little annoyed when i asked about coping mechanisms for my anxiety with my therapist she just told me breathing exercises. which ig can be valuable but ik in my heart this wont help me at all. perhaps it’s un-dx’d adhd with rsd making me feel that way that makes me refuse to even want to do them. all my medical and health issues are also a contribution to my gad and financial terrors. sometimes it makes me wanna die but i wont do that. bc my friends and family would genuinely be very heartbroken if i were to suddenly be gone especially if by my own hand. i wouldnt want anyone to blame themselves either...

the only things genuinely making me feel anything lately is wataru and buck tick. it almost makes me a little upset how little amount of things make me happy or even feel anything rn. im reading a tragedy visual novel rn (which is very good and well written and i generally like tragedies and i find them indulgent) that i am enjoying very much yet i feel barley anything while reading it. i immensely miss the buck tick concert streams so bad. watching them over the month and half they streamed every saturday morning really put how much they love making music and performing in a brand new light to me, and watching that last concert bestias locus solus was just. so amazing. i dont know how to talk about it other than i was genuinely touched. they went all out playing at that concert stage bc it was their first time performing there (at the time in their 31 year career, 33 this year) and the unplugged performances and sakura especially got me so hard. im not good with words so im not doing a good job at all expressing how much that concert (along with the day in question 2017) made me feel. i miss it. i want to buy the dvds so bad but theyre so expensive and now is not a time for reckless spending. but one day i will attain them and experience the happiness they bring me again. im sad my friends arent rly into them the same degree i am but ig it really is such a personalized feeling. i was already in a state of dread and depression when i got into the band. but im still glad my other friends enjoy them and tell me they enjoy their music. their stuff slaps. theyre just an amazing band. a band not restricted by genre. a band who makes music because they love it and love performing and love their fans and dont get warped in the ideas of fame or fortune, and are fully okay with being normal people...a band with the same line up since their pro debut in 1989 because the members all love and care about each other so much. theyre still going strong in their mid to late 50s as they were in their late teens. they make me so happy...

well it’s 8 am now and if youve read this whole thing, thanks i guess? that sounds rude, but im just kinda sittin in the mud. im still in the midst of cleaning my room. i am not someone to recklessly hurt myself or anything like that so dont worry about that. i’ll be fine. probably. if you wanna listen to buck tick heres their spotify :) i recommend their albums atom miraiha no. 09, no.0 (especially the live performance version), kuratta taiyo, darker than darkness style 1993, aku no hana, and their kemonotachi no yoru/rondo double single. they slap so good. also spotify is missing literally like 15 years worth of their music from the 00s-10s. you can find downloads online though. theyre also releasing a new single in august im very excited for it. also, the singer of the band (atsushi sakurai) did a collab with sheena ringo where he sung the bg vocals of her song elopers, which was also made in sakurai’s image and she got it really dead set on tbqh. sheena ringo loves bt so yall should too :)