#then 15 home. then I can take a nap maybe and wake up refreshed....

[softer--apricot]

I wish I could figure out what factors go into whether or not I'll drop after a scene. I felt completely good and happy... until I got 5 minutes down the road

[bug-ocs]

casey talked abt her OC sleepytime headcanons the other day and i wanted to do it too so here’s my thread from tweeter

danny on the other hand is a super light sleeper and is always exhausted. he could sleep for 15 hours and still be tired. aside from his vice-inspired dreams, he doesn't dream all that often, and it's mostly just about mundane things like work or to do lists. it drives him crazy. he's very cold-natured and will happily cocoon himself in fuzzy blankets. he's not a morning person and loathes people who are. very much a night owl and stays up late binging shows. his height makes him a prime candidate for being the big spoon but he prefers to be spooned! cozy

rami is one of the morning people that danny loathes. he wakes up refreshed and is his most productive in the morning. because of that he usually retires for the evening quite early and begins his nighttime routine of skincare and aromatherapy around like 8:30. rami loves expensive fluffy blankets and wears coordinated pajama sets. he's very fashionable! he's a big ol snugglebug and will happily be the big or little spoon. he's soft and snuggly either way. he's a fairly heavy sleeper and dreams a bunch but forgets them immediately.

gen is a morning person out of obligation and is able to do so thanks to her caffeine addiction. so she starts winding down pretty early too, around the same time as rami. gen likes to sleep with plushies and a bunch of pillows and usually hugs something while she sleeps. thankfully rami is the perfect pillow, so gen's often his big spoon. she likes to read before bed, snuggled in with some fuzzy socks and a fluffy throw, maybe even a glass of wine! she's a bit of a lighter sleeper, but when she sleeps hard, she has super vivid, bizarre dreams

rami's more social than gen but in an effort to appeal to her needs, sometimes they'll spend an entire day in bed together, watching shows, reading, talking, etc. sometimes gen just needs a cozy day in bed away from it all, and rami is more than happy to oblige (danny too, if rami’s unavailable!)

eli isn't a morning person and thrives in the nighttime. he's not sure if it's /why/ or /because/ he's a bartender. he's a very methodical guy and a creature of habit, so he has a precise, efficient evening routine. usually because he's getting home at 2am. he can function on little sleep and usually only sleeps ~7 hours. he likes to go thru his emails before bed. he knows it's not good for him but he claims it helps him sleep better bc he doesn't have to worry about stuff. he's also a space heater so danny clings to him

i can see eli staying up late reading his email w/ danny sleeping next to him. he's wearing his little readers that he only wears when danny's asleep bc he's embarrassed. even tho danny's like borderline blind w/o his glasses. danny's seen him in them. he thinks it's cute

also just for hilarity's sake, i like to imagine danny and emory having to share a bed. it's the opposite of a fanfic trope. it's a villain origin story. i image it's like the scene from christmas vacation where the sister is like "get OFF of me, you little fungus". emory's not as space-heatery as eli but danny would def still cling to them. emory WILL push him onto the floor at some point, take up the whole bed, then immediately fall asleep. danny would eventually just give up and sleep on the floor, but not before he stole the covers

speaking of sleepytime routines, imma take a hot shower then get all snuggly in my sheets. thanks for readin

[bellatrixobsessed1]

From Chin To Yon Rah (Part 15)

When she wakes she isn’t truly so. She is mostly dazed. Dazed with pain and numbness. There is a physical emptiness to accompany it. She can’t feel the baby’s kick. She already knows that she won’t be feeling it again.

She could cry out for help. Could stumble her way out of the house, clutching her bleeding belly. But she doesn’t have a reason to. Instead she crawls over to Atsu and cradles him in her arms. He is so still. She can’t handle it. She carries him over to Hajime and lays him atop the man’s chest.

She still can’t find Caihong. She doesn’t think that she wants to. She nuzzles herself up against Hajime to the best of her ability with those loathsome boulders in the way. And she stays there. For a very long time she stays there. She stays there until an army from Chin comes to survey the wreckage, recover bodies, and rescue survivors.

They rescue her but she wouldn’t call herself a survivor. She thinks that most of her is dead. All of the parts that matter anyhow. Yet they lift her away from Hajime and Atsu anyways with a promise to help her give them a proper and honorable burial. She wants them to pitch her into the hole and bury her with them.

She is mostly delirious. She doesn’t quite remember much of the trip to Chin. She doesn’t think that there is anything to recollect she was too far away for it to have meant anything. And now she is tired. Tired and as alone as she has ever been. No one comes to hold her hand and make her sickbed more tolerable. No one is left to come for her.

She thinks of Min-Min, of her small medicine tent and she wonders if the woman has perished as well. She flexes her ankle. She didn’t think that she would be seeing Min-Min much after than but then Atsu had a fever. And then she...she… She holds her hand to her belly, freshly stitched and bathed. Freshly and suddenly vacated.

She screams. Anger. Terror. Rage. Mostly rage.

She had been okay. She had been better. She was fixing herself. She had plans; perhaps it was going to be years, decades maybe, after the birth of her baby, but she was going to go home. She was going to go home and resolve things left unfinished. She was going to be okay.

Why can’t she be okay? She thinks that maybe it is because she isn’t allowed. She has done too much wrong...killing the Avatar doesn’t make for good karma, even if he ended up living.

She can’t do it. She doesn’t want to. Her fingers graze the stitch work. It would only take one hard yank and...her screams have drawn attention. She feels a hand come around her wrist. “Don’t mess with that.” The woman says. “In fact we should get this bandaged, I don’t know why it hasn’t been already.”

The woman is kind to her. They are all kind and tentative. They tell her their names as they tend to her wounds and make promises that she will be fine in time. They tell her their names, yes, but she makes a point to not remember them. She doesn’t want to get attached. One way or another the things she gets attached to leave her.

The stress and the sorrow make her sick. Physically so, her head hurts constantly and her stomach is always upset. Though that can be the product of losing her baby. She isn’t sure. She doesn’t care. She is ready to be lost too.

On most nights Azula screams. She cries. She has fits until the doctors sedate her, she welcomes it, it is the only peace she can get. And it is a false serenity. A numb serenity. On most nights she relives it all again. On most nights she sees their faces. Hajime’s, Atsu’s, Caihong’s, and Seukhyun’s. Mostly she sees the face of the half-blind soldier and  the woman.

She will find them both. She will find them and pick them apart in ways that only the throes of grief-induced insanity can show her. She will kill the both of them and then she will show herself out--let Vaatu tangle her in his coil his dark, spirit tendrils around her and drag her off to his domain.

She grips her face in her hands, nails biting into her hairline. She can’t take it, truly she can handle no more. And just like the first time, there is no one to take her through it. No one to make it better.

And it is her own fault. They would still be alive if she had just kept wandering. She is a beacon for misfortune.

But she was born lucky, she remembers.

That day she learns...what’s the point in learning anything at all if all roads lead to the same dead end?

.oOo.

If she listens hard enough she can still hear them. Mostly they remind her that they love her. Sometimes they blame her. They ask her why she didn’t save them. Deep down, even on the surface, she is aware that they would never say anything of the sort. But sometimes she can’t help but agree with them anyhow.

Lately she can’t get them to stop and so she goes through most of her days quietly, hazily. Exhausted.

“Hi, Azula!” TyLee greets.

Azula goes tense, she isn’t in the mood or place to power through another awkward, stumbling conversation however well meant it is.

“Are you feeling any better?”

She isn’t at all. She starts to nod that she is, but she has hesitated for too long.

“What’s wrong.”

“You can read the journal when Zuko is done with it.” She replies simply. She doesn’t need TyLee to know that she still hears things. She doesn’t need any of them to know that.

“Mai and I were thinking of going to the hot springs today, do you want to come with?”

She supposes that it is better than lingering at home. Maybe she can drown the voices out. Let them rise away with the steam. “Alright.” TyLee grins and flounces off before she can change her mind. Agni, she hopes that no one will ask her about the scar. Maybe she should just bathe in her robe, it will save the serving girls the trouble of one more article in the laundry.

.oOo.

Azula leans back and exhales. The heat envelopes her body and the steam rolls off of her skin--that which is exposed anyhow. She splashes water over her face and tips her head back, back, back until only her face is on the surface. She pulls her head out of the water and lets it run in rivulets down her back.

“It feels nice, doesn’t it?”

“Refreshing, yes.” Azula agrees.

“Well I don’t see a better way of spending the afternoon.” Mai shrugs.

Azula can’t disagree, the churning and bubbling of the water is rather soothing and the kaleidoscope of soap aromas is charming enough. She relaxes back against the rocks. Her hair fans out and her robe billows.

“Why are you still wearing your robe?” Mai asks.

“It’s comfortable.” She isn’t particularly lying, the fabric drifting and shifting with the flow of the water, quite pleasantly brushes her skin. Watching it ebb and flow is almost mesmerizing. It is lulling, her weary exhaustion metamorphs into a more languid, comforting tiredness. And maybe she is due for a good nap. She supposes that one day away from her rigid firebending regime couldn’t hurt her. In fact it very well may help.

“It looks comfortable.” TyLee agrees.

Azula lifts her arm out of the water and her robe clings to it.

“It might not be as comfortable when you get out.” Mai points out.

Azula shrugs. “I’ve had worse.”

For a while she listens to Mai and TyLee talk amongst themselves. There is a sense of distant normalcy in hearing them chatter. She remembers days when they would make idle conversation as she poured over schemes and plans. She supposes that they always had a sort of chemistry that she was just on the outer fringes of.

“Are you okay, Azula?” TyLee asks.

“You seem distant.” Mai adds.

“Just thinking.” She does that a lot. She does that too much. At least this time her thoughts are over things that she has mostly processed and forgotten. Mostly accepted. She toys with the drifting fabric. She is certain that the two of them have grown much closer in her absence. She isn’t sure that she really fits into the picture anymore, she isn’t sure that she ever truly had. She was a leader nothing more, nothing less. There might have been a bond, at least a small one but she hadn’t known how to make anything of it. They have a bond that she can’t...

“Are you sure that you’re okay?” TyLee asks again.

She isn’t. “I’m alright.” Maybe she should tell them the truth. Tell them that she ought to just keep her distance.

“Sokka said that last night was rough.”

“Today isn’t last night. I am fine now.” Maybe she just needs to give it more time. Maybe she is seeing problems where there doesn’t have to be any. She misses Wu-Jing where things just happened naturally. Where they just fell into place.

“Would you even tell us if something was wrong?” Mai sighs.

Azula is quiet for a good while. “No. Not yet.”

Mai nods. She doesn’t like the look TyLee gives her. The concern and the hurt. Even if trust wasn’t a factor she isn’t sure that she’d be able to talk about it a second time. She has ruined a perfectly relaxed mood. She dunks her head under the water again. “I am going to dry off.”

“Okay.” TyLee smiles. “Maybe we can try this again when you’re feeling better.”

“That sounds nice.”

.oOo.

“How did it go with Mai and TyLee?” Sokka asks.

“Well enough, I suppose.” She draws her legs onto the sofa and sits upon them.

“You’re soaking wet.” He observes.

She ought to change her robes and ring her hair out. But she has already sat down. “We went to the springs.”

“And you left your robe on?” He quirks a brow.

“TyLee would ask.” She shrugs. “About the scar.” She rubs her thumb against it. “I don’t want to answer questions.”

“Okay, no questions.” He fixes her with a look, a strange one. Perhaps something mischievous. “Actually, one question. Do you like your pancakes with or without little smiley faces?”

“I like my pancakes served at breakfast time, not lunch time.”

“Okay, but let's just say that some dashing, hilarious, and very charming fellow has made some pancakes. Do you want it to have a smiley face made out of fruits.”

She rolls her eyes. “He can have full creative control.”

“Smiley face it is!” He declares.

She clears her throat. “While you do that, I am going to…” she gestures to her robe. He gives her a thumbs up and she makes her way to her bedroom. She discards her waterlogged robe and slips into a particularly oversized shirt and baggier pants. They are comfortable enough.

She fixes her pendant around her neck and tucks it under her shirt. She picks up the stone next and rubs her thumb over its surface. She thinks that she will have it sewn into the badgermole. She thinks that she will sew it into the badgermole. But she doesn’t know how to sew. She scoops the stone and the badgermole up and places them on her bed.

.oOo.

“This would taste much better if it were breakfast time.”

Sokka rolls his eyes. “It would taste just the same!”

She shakes her head, “my sense of taste is the strongest in the morning.”

“That’s not even possible?” But she says it with such a confidence that it might just be. “Did I do a good job?”

She looks down at the pancake. “This eye is lopsided. But it is fine. Also, this strawberry chunk isn’t in line with the rest of them.”

Sokka sighs and pushes that chunk slightly upwards. “Better?”

“Significantly.” She replies. He watches her pour a small helping of syrup over it. “Do you know how to sew, Sokka?”

“I know enough to patch up clothes if I have to. Why?”

“I have a project that I would like to work on. A patch will do just fine.”

“Finish your pancake and I can get working on it.”

She shakes her head. “I want to do it. You show me how.”

“Okay, I can do that.” He smiles. He hadn’t expected her to return the smile. She has a nice smile, a soft, pretty smile. He hopes that he can make it last.

[bamfbuddie]

"Can I sleep here tonight? With you?" And maybe where buck's nightmares haven't really gone away and the only time he really gets any rest is when he's taking a nap next to Eddie because his presence soothes Buck's mind.

2. “Can I sleep here tonight? With you?” 

Buck wakes up crying. It’s not a new occurrence for him. It’s been happening ever since his accident and it just got intensified after the tsunami. Now, instead of being pinned under the truck, he’s pinned under the truck and drowning at the same time. To top it all off, he watches Christopher slip from his grasp and float out into nothingness. 

He forces himself to sit up and wipes at his eyes. He reaches over and grabs the glass of water off the bedside table. He chugs it down and then turns to look at the time. 

03:15

He sighs, there is no way he’s going to be able to go back to sleep. He pulls himself out of bed and decides to go for a run. Once he gets back he’s feeling better but not that much. He hops in the shower and the hot water almost has him falling asleep standing up. 

He gets himself to work around six in the morning and apparently he’s not the only one who didn’t get a good night’s sleep. Everyone looks dead on their feet. 

“Hey guys, what’s going on?” He asks.

Hen groans from where she has her head down on the table, “Denny’s sick, kept us up the whole night.” 

“Same. Christopher caught a bug from school and he was throwing up all night.” Eddie says as he walks towards them balancing three mugs of coffee in his hand. He puts one down in front of Hen and gives the other one to Buck. 

“Thanks. You could’ve called me. I would’ve came over.” Buck says accepting the coffee mug. 

“Didn’t want to bother you.”

Buck shrugs, “Didn’t get much sleep either.” 

Eddie looks at him in concern, “Nightmares?” 

Buck nods, looking down at the mug in his hand. 

Bobby comes up the stairs followed by Chim. 

“Wow, what’s up with you guys? You’re looking like zombies.” Chimney says. 

Hen doesn’t even bother looking at him. 

*

After the first call, luckily only a minor accident, they come back and collapse on the couch. Eddie rests his head on Hen’s shoulder who in turn rests her head on top of Eddie’s. Buck comes and collapses over their laps.

“Okay, you need to go sleep.” Bobby says. “You can’t work like this. You are dead on your feet. I don’t want you getting hurt on the job.” 

“We’ll be fine, Bobby.” Buck says.

“No. Go to the cots and sleep. That’s an order. You need to be rested before the next call.” 

Hen doesn’t argue and shoves Buck’s legs off her as she gets up. Buck nearly flails himself on the floor but Eddie pulls him back up onto the couch. 

“C’mon you too, boys.” Bobby says. 

Buck sighs and gets up dreading to sleep because he knows if he does he’s going to have another nightmare.

“Oh, also two of the rooms are occupied and the third one has a leak in the roof so it’s getting fixed, so you’ll have to share a cot if Hen is already on one.” Bobby says hiding his smirk. 

Eddie and Buck share a look.

“Oh, c’mon, you’re both adults.” Bobby says, “Now, go rest up.” 

*

Buck follows Eddie into the room where Hen is already passed out on one of the beds. They turn to look at the other small one against the other wall.

“So, how are we supposed to fit on that?” Buck asks.

“Uh… we’ll figure it out I guess.” Eddie says as they shuffle over to the bed and look at it.

Eddie lays down and scoots back until his back is touching the wall, leaving enough room for Buck to squish in.

Buck lays down and Eddie pulls the blanket over them. They shuffle around uncomfortably till Eddie huffs and slips his arm under Buck’s head and pulls him closer so Buck’s head is resting on Eddie’s chest and he’s half on Eddie and half on the bed. It gave them a lot more room. 

“Is this okay?” Eddie whispers.

“Yeah…” 

“Okay.” Eddie closes his eyes and falls asleep. 

The three of them only stir when they hear the alarms going off. 

Hen’s shoots up in an instant and notices Buck and Eddie cuddling. She smiles devilishly before pulling out her phone and quickly taking a few pictures. She slips her phone back in her pocket and smacks them awake. 

“Let’s go, we gotta an emergency!” She yells. 

Eddie startles and quickly tries to get up only to realize Buck still on him. 

“Buck, Evan… wake up.” Eddie shakes him awake as much as he hated to do it. He noticed Buck hasn’t been looking rested since his accident, till today. He looks so peaceful and Eddie’s heart clenches as he forces Buck awake.

“Huh?” Buck blinks himself awake and quickly sits up. They rush out to the bay jumping into their pants and shoes, grabbing their jackets and helmets and jumping into the truck. Bobby and Chimney are already in and ready to go. 

Buck sits back in the seat.

“You guys feeling better?” Bobby asks.

“Yeah, how long were we out?” Eddie asks.

“About five hours.” 

“Oh, I didn’t even realize.” Hen says.

“Yeah, me neither.” Eddie says.

“Yeah, you were too busy cuddling Buck.” She teases.

Eddie flushes looking towards Buck who seems lost in thought.

“Buck? You okay?” He asks putting a hand on his shoulder.

Buck startles and looks at him, “Oh, uh, yeah I’m good.” He’s thinking of how rested and refreshed he feels. He realizes it’s because he didn’t have a nightmare. Was it because he had Eddie beside him? He hasn’t slept an hour at a time since the accident and now suddenly he slept five hours straight? It would have been longer if they weren’t disturbed by the alarm. Was it because of Eddie? 

Once again the call was a minor accident. They get it cleared up quickly and head back to the station. 

*

At the end of their shift they all head home and Eddie invites Buck over for dinner with him and Christopher. 

Buck agrees quickly going home to shower and change into sweats before grabbing a pizza and then going over to Eddie’s.

He knocks on the door and hears Christopher’s excited squeal come from the other side.

“Hang on, mijo, let me unlock it for you.” He hears Eddie says.

Buck smiles softly as Eddie unlocks the door and swings it open. 

“Hey.” Eddie grabs the pizza from him.

“Buck!” Christopher yells.

“Hey buddy.” Buck crouches down to properly greet Christopher.

They walk into the house and Eddie places the pizza on the counter. 

“Thanks for bringing this.” Eddie says.

“Yeah, no problem, man. We all know your cooking sucks.” Buck teases.

“Hey!” Eddie feigns hurt.

Christopher laughs, “I like your food, daddy.” 

“Thank you, at least someone loves me.” Eddie says glaring at Buck.

“...but I like Buck’s better.” 

“HEY!”

Buck laughs so hard he gets a stitch in his side.

Eddie smiles softly at the two of them glad to see Buck looking so carefree and rested in a long time. He shakes his head and pulls out plates. 

“Alright enough goofing off, time for dinner.” 

*

After dinner they watch a movie till it’s time for Christopher to get ready for bed. 

“C’mon, mijo. Time for bed.” Eddie says.

Christopher groans but gets up and goes off towards his room to change. He brushes his teeth and then demands Buck read him a story. 

While Buck tucks him and reads him a bedtime story Eddie changes out of his jeans into something more comfortable. He brushes his teeth and then comes back to Christopher’s bedroom to see Christopher sleeping and Buck tucking the blankets around him as he gets up. He comes over to Eddie and closes the door slowly behind him leaving a small gap. 

Eddie looks at him and Buck fidgets with his hands.

“Evan? You okay?” He asks.

“Uh, so I have something awkward to ask. I mean you can say no and it doesn’t have to mean anything but uh, can I, uh can I sleep here tonight? With you? I just…” Buck starts.

“Did it help?” Eddie asks.

“I… uh… yeah… it was the first time I didn’t have a nightmare in a long time.” He scratches the back of his head.

“Dios, Buck. I didn’t know it was so bad.” 

Buck swallows hard. 

“Were you even getting any sleep?” He asks.

“About an hour here and there.” 

“Dios mio, Buck. How the hell are you even functioning?”

Buck shrugs, “A whole lotta coffee.” He jokes weakly. 

“Christ Buck, alright your toothbrush is still in the bathroom. I’ll be in the room.”

Buck nods and goes to the bathroom. Once he finishes he takes a deep breath before going to Eddie’s room. He knocks briefly before stepping in. Eddie is already in bed. 

“You sure this is okay?” Buck asks.

“C’mere, you aren’t getting out of bed until you get a full eight hours of sleep. Besides, it’ll be a lot more comfortable than that tiny cot.” Eddie says tugging Buck down beside him, “Sleep, querido. I’m here.” 

“Thank you.” Buck whispers as he rests his head on Eddie’s chest. 

Eddie just cards his hand through Buck’s hair whispering soothing nonsense in Spanish to him. 

*

Next morning they wake to images of Eddie and Buck cuddling at the station from Hen texted to their group chat. 

Eddie groans, “She’s never going to let us live this down.” 

“Not so bad.” Buck whispers still half asleep, head still cushioned by Eddie’s chest.

“Speak for yourself, I’ve become a human cushion.” He groans dramatically. 

Buck lifts his head to look at Eddie with a frown only to notice the smile on his face.

“You’re an asshole.” Buck nudges his leg with his foot. 

“Oh, I see you’re rested today.” Eddie says.

“Yeah, thanks to you.” 

“I’m glad you got to sleep, cariño.” Eddie says.

“So when are you going to stop calling me petnames in Spanish?” Buck asks voice taking a teasing tone.

Eddie flushes a bright red, “What?”

“Honey? Darling?” Buck raises an eyebrow.

“You knew what I was saying?” Eddie chokes.

“Yeah Eds, I knew what you were saying. I was a bartender in South America. Surprising how much you can pick up in a summer from drunk customers.” 

“Wait so, that means you know what I said last...” Eddie trails off.

“Oh you mean the fact that you said you’re in love with me? Yes. Yeah I got that…” Buck whispers.

Eddie is horrified, “I… I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have said it if I knew you knew… I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” He shifts trying to get out from under Buck.

Buck holds onto him tightly, “Relax Eddie, I love you too.” He says.

Eddie looks down at him in shock, “What?”

“Te amo, mi amor.” Buck whispers and Eddie’s heart skips a beat.

“Fuck…” He whispers before grinning like an idiot. “I love you too.” He leans down and kisses him, morning breath be damned.

[closer-stars]

Careless - Yeosang

Member: Yeosang Genre: Fluff ofc Requested: Yes @collygiggles Word count: idk too many Content: oh my god they were dorm mates. food. you’re careless as heck. all good tho.  Note: was talking with colly about this so i brought her req with the fact it’s yeosang day together. yay. idk the word count for this but anyways. nothing romantic in this, mostly platonic stuff. 

How you managed to reach college without having read things carefully was a miracle, if you could consider it as such that is. You needed a place to stay, near your university but not in those cramped one room apartments. You didn’t ask for much when it came to the living conditions, just as long as it wasn’t so suffocating then you can manage. 

Which is what brought you to send a message to the seller, saying you were interested to take their apartment. You reassured them that you didn’t mind having company, that way you didn’t have to spend so much on rent. 

Now did you think you were going to room with an upperclassman named Kang Yeosang? You didn’t. 

Did you read the seller’s updates carefully? You didn’t. 

So now, you were unpacking the last of your things in your chosen room when you heard the doorbell ring. “Coming!” You respond quickly, setting down your clothes by the bed as you rush towards the door. Once you open the door,  you were greeted by the doll like male. Piercing brown eyes hidden by glasses that frame his face, red beanie that sat on top of his messy hair, and clothes that seemed to swallow his frame more than needed but still managed to make him look well put. You then notice the bags and some boxes. “I’m guessing you’re Kang Yeosang.” You note as you offer to carry some of his stuff inside. 

He nods, asking for your name as he sighs in relief for the additional set of hands. You give him your name while carrying the boxes in. You could already tell he was a man of a few words. You didn’t mind since it meant that you wouldn’t be pestered by nightmare roommates. 

“If you need anything, just tell me? I’m just in the room across yours anyways.” You say after bringing all his things into his room. He doesn’t say much but a hum at your words. It doesn’t bother you that he wasn’t a talker but you were a little worried of how things would go between the two of you once the semester started.

True enough, the semester had rolled in and while both of you managed to do the chores. The lack of any conversation between the both of you was starting to unnerve you. Did you forget to take out the trash? Did you miss a spot while cleaning? A lot of questions were in your head that you sometimes had to slap yourself to snap out of it and focus on your readings. 

You slapping yourself caught his eye and it took a bit of some self-control in him to not burst into a fit of giggles at the comical scene. Though both of you don’t talk, your presence has a soft spot in his heart. He wasn’t one to start much conversations. In fact, it was only through mutual friends that he found out things about you and vice versa. 

You were a literature major, he was a computer science major. Both of you were in the same year level. He found out you liked pizza while you found out he liked chicken but better if it was made by his mother. You were terrified of spiders while he was terrified of moths. Both of you agreed that cockroaches just shouldn’t have existed. It also took your mutual friends to realize who lasted longer when it came to alcohol. Hint: It wasn’t him. 

For some reason, you woke up in the middle of the night. 3:20 AM. With a groan, you push yourself out of your bed, maybe a glass of water could help you go back to sleep. When you made your way to the kitchen, you didn’t realize that the lights would still be on. You asked yourself if you forgot to turn off the lights but to your surprise you see Yeosang studying for his exam. 

“Still too early for you to be awake.” He notes softly as he finally tears his weary eyes from his notes to look at you. He catches sight of your bed hair and couldn’t help the tired smile that graces his lips. 

“I couldn’t go back to sleep for some reason..” you mutter, as you get yourself a glass of water. You lean against the counter as you takes small sips. “Have you been up since last night?” You add, your senses slowly waking up as you start to take notice of the notes strewn about. 

He manages to affirm your thoughts as he stretches his sore neck. His hair was strewn all over from the numerous times he ran his hair through his head in frustration. “Yeah, I don’t know why I thought taking history would be a good break from coding.” He admits with an airy laugh. 

You look at the clock. 3:35 AM. Well you didn’t have class today, you figured you might as well help this poor guy out of his misery. “Say, what do you want for breakfast? It’s my turn to cook.” You ask as look through the food in your refrigerator. He doesn’t answer and it makes you look over at him in question. “What?”

“You don’t have to go through the hassle.” He admits as he cleans up his things, putting them into neater piles. 

“I want to. Yeosang, you’ve been the one cooking for the both of us since the semester started--”

“Cause I wake up earlier than you.” 

“That’s not the point right now..” You mumble, a bit embarrassed to have your sleeping habits be exposed. “The point is, you’ve been up since last night and the last thing we both need is you to injure yourself while cooking. Just let me do this for you at least just this time.” You add with a pout.

He finds your pout endearing and decides to admit defeat. “Just an omelette is fine.” He answers finally. “Can you wake me up when the food’s ready? I think I need a bit of shut-eye even for just a few minutes.” 

You promise to do so and watch him pack his things up to get himself some deserved rest. He puts his notes on the table in the living room, opting to just catch some sleep on the couch. 

By the time you finished cooking, Yeosang was already fast asleep. ‘So this is what Wooyoung meant when he said that it’s easy to tell how tired he is when he’s asleep’. Even with his arm over his eyes, he was drooling just a bit from the exhaustion. You set the meal down on the table gently before rousing the male from his sleep. “Hey sleepyhead, food’s ready.” You greet him as he jolts awake, embarrassed to realize he had already drooled. You say nothing as he attempts to wipe off any sign of sleep from his eyes and lips. 

“Just leave the cleaning to me.” You say simply before cleaning up the rest of the kitchen. As you do so, you eat the remaining half with no rush. It was already 6AM and you didn’t feel sleepy anymore. If anything you could just grab a cup of coffee on the way to class. Before you even knew it, Yeosang was already helping you clean the plates and utensils. “Just until this, please.” He pleads with a laugh, feeling a lot more refreshed after the power nap and food. He makes his way to his room to prepare for his classes and exam, leaving you a little flustered by how close he was to you while you washed the utensils. 

There were days where you ate with Wooyoung and Yeosang while there were days where you only ate with Wooyoung. Today was one of those days where you ate with him only. Today was also the day you were put on the hot seat. “Wait, you guys have been roommates for how many months and you still don’t know his birthday?” Wooyoung asks, obviously alarmed. You were embarrassed to be put on the spot that you just sat there and ate your food, avoiding his gaze. “He already knows yours! Hey, that’s so low.” He teases. You whine, setting down your sandwich. 

“We don’t really talk much, Wooyoung.. The most I get from him is when he pulls an all nighter and even then we don’t talk about our lives like that.” You try to defend yourself. It was true. Besides his whole name and major, the most you get from him was his schedule, grades and the occasional help needed on a paper. The same goes for yours when it was your turn to pull an all nighter. 

This causes your friend to laugh. “You might want to think fast then. His birthday’s coming up in a week.” He hints as he slurps up the remaining noodles. You stare at your sandwich in thought, trying to think of what could be a good gift. 

“Hey, do you think you can help me out for his gift?”

Yeosang wasn’t going to be home until after 6PM, leaving you and Wooyoung with enough time to prepare the apartment for a small celebration between you and his friends. Hongjoong and Seonghwa were in charge of the balloons, Yunho and San were helping out in choosing the music. Meanwhile, Mingi, Wooyoung and Jongho helped out in preparing the food and drinks for the night. While you were to make sure that he didn’t come home too early. You already had his gift hidden in your room but that shall wait until later that night. 

“We’ve gone through each and every convenience store, I don’t think they have the coffee we both want in stock.” He mumbles with a pout. You looked at your phone periodically, making sure he doesn’t catch you looking. ‘10 more minutes’ was Wooyoung’s message. The walk home would be roughly 15 minutes, give or take. “Let’s go home? It’s okay if they don’t have it you know.” He asks, gesturing for you to walk next to him. 

You relent anyways, walking by his side. “I just wanted to at least get you something you liked for your birthday..” You reason. It wasn’t an entire lie. You had to pretend you only knew it was when Wooyoung screeched his greeting earlier today. 

“It’s perfectly fine. I didn’t really even tell you when my birthday was anyways.” He reassures once more, laughing lightly behind a loose fist. The walk back to the apartment wasn’t as awkward as before. He had opened up a lot more since the first meeting. He talks about his favorite things now too. His affinity for drones, skateboarding, the occasional hacking into his friends’s accounts when they try to prank him. The chic model you met back then had become one of your close friends who was just an endearing dork especially when running on two hours of sleep. 

You let him open the door first. The sudden chorus of birthday greetings surprising the living daylights out of him. His eyes grow wide but he finds his composure quickly, saying his thanks to his friends that found time out of their day to spend it with him on his special day. You glance at Wooyoung, both of you pleased with the success. 

Once everyone had left your place, both of you had let out a sigh of exhaustion and relief, welcoming the peace and quiet once more. Catching the other sigh, both of you look at each other only to break into a fit of snickers. Both of you clean up the rooms, putting the take out boxes into the trash bags and making sure the place was spotless. Once satisfied, both of you crash on the couch, letting Netflix play from the last episode of My Hero Academia. 

“Oh wait, before I forget.” You exclaim all of a sudden, dashing to your room. Yeosang looks at the empty spot next to him and pauses the show, waiting for you to return. “I didn’t bring this out earlier with your friends cause I doubt there’d be enough to go for everyone but anyways! I managed to ask your mom to help me create your favorite fried chicken. I managed to make a small serving but yeah..” You didn’t know how else to explain so you pushed the container into his hands. 

The male was honestly at a loss for words. He didn’t remember when he talked about this, maybe during one of those all nighters he pulled where nothing just seemed to make sense. Either way, he didn’t waste any time and took a bite out of the food you had cooked for him. Though it wasn’t his mother’s cooking, it tasted just like home and for that he was grateful. His pangs of homesick wouldn’t be hitting as hard as it would thanks to you. 

“This is perfect, really. Thank you so much.” He says softly, bringing you into a quick hug. The both of you finally settle on the couch, letting the series play as he shares the chicken with you. 

Who knew your carelessness would give you such good memories?

[stuff-youreyes]

Tips for the “former gifted kids”, procrastinators, and/or perfectionists

I see a lot of people online, especially here, making these posts about feeling smarter, more productive, or more motivated when they were a kid, but are now depressed and unable to replicate the same energy they had back then. It’s fine to make these kinds of posts because we all feel less alone in our struggles and we can properly express our feelings, but I don’t see nearly enough posts about how to improve, so I’ll be making one. Most of this is advice from my therapist, so I promise it’s credible and actually helps. I’m 17 and I’ve had a tough time in high school because of my social anxiety, and I’m a massive procrastinator. I was definitely one of those former “smart kids” in elementary school, then started to lose steam as I became more anxious in middle school. I go to a magnet school, basically the most elitist and pretentious school in town, and it’s definitely hard to get anything done when I feel like everyone else is better than me, but I’ve found ways to improve.

Set timers. Timers are your best friend. When starting a smaller task, set a timer for about how long you think it will take you. It helps you keep track of your productivity. If it’s something you’re really dreading or something like a long-term project, set one for five minutes. If you really hate it, you only have to work on it for five minutes, but it’s likely that you’ll keep working on it once you’ve started. 

Make lists. I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but I promise they are useful, especially if you’re a visual person like me. Use sticky notes, planners, notebooks, your notes app on your phone if you have one, or just loose pieces of paper to tape on your wall. Color code. Use highlighters. Keep reminders. In my school planner, I list all homework I have as of that day, and highlight anything due the next day, so that they’re first priority, and underline long term projects or things that I should work on that day. On that note, also keep your priorities together. Do your math assignment before your English assignment because you have a C in math but an A in English. Always keep up with your grades.

Take things one step at a time, and accept that half-assing something is better than doing nothing. Set small, reasonable goals for yourself, and don’t get overwhelmed. Once again, you’ll probably end up doing more than you thought you would if you just start working. If you have a 10-problem math assignment, do just two problems. Then you might as well do the third one, and the fourth one, and the fifth one, and a 50% is much better than a 0%. Half-assing will save you. If you have to write an essay at the last minute but you have no idea what you’re talking about, you can’t waste time sitting there thinking and thinking about it. You just have to write. If it’s nonsense, it’s better than nothing. I usually find that even if my essay starts out rough, I find the line of reasoning growing stronger as I continue. That’s also something to remember for anyone taking the AP Lang exam on Tuesday. Don’t waste time prewriting! Just make sure you do a lot of annotation and have your thoughts together, and then write the damn paper. 

Clean your workspace. Cleaning is a good way to procrastinate, but organization is a good way to stay productive. Take one day or one afternoon to clean out your desk/room all at once so you can’t use it as an excuse to procrastinate anymore. I promise it is very refreshing to know where your pens and papers and books are. It diminishes your sense of panic. Also, get comfortable, but not too comfortable. Don’t do homework in your bed. It’s a bad idea. You will get sleepy, and you will succumb to the fatal void of soft blankets. Make sure your workspace is well lit, maybe grab one blanket or a hoodie, get a drink, put on some jazz hop (which really does help me to stay focused and relaxed), then get to work. Go studio Ghibli on that shit. 

Know your brain, and schedule around it. How much sleep do you need? What time(s) of day are you most productive? How long is your attention span? Do what is best for you within reason. I know it sucks that going to school probably screws up your ideal schedule, but you can figure out a way to make it work. If you’re more productive in the morning, maybe wake up earlier so that you have enough time to do some extra studying before heading to class, and get extra work done while in class. Work during lunch or break. Work on the bus ride home if you have one. If you’re terrible at getting anything done during the school day like me, what I usually do is get the bare minimum done, try to get away with a nap during one class, rest when I get home for a little while, then catch up on whatever I missed and do the rest of my homework. It’s much more efficient than trying to work during school when I’m surrounded by people that make me nervous or I just can’t focus. During the summer, I try to make a daily schedule for myself from about 9 to 5 or so to stay structured and get things done. 

Stay hydrated. Just do it. Being dehydrated makes you tired. Bring water with you to school. Don’t consume too much caffeine. 

Set daily goals. 15 minutes of reading. 30 minutes of playing piano. 20 minutes of studying German. 30 minutes of writing. Make a list. Instead of getting caught up in the fear of Doing Something, give yourself the illusion of not having a choice. Pick something from the list. Doing nothing is not an option. Get the one you dread the most out of the way, or do the easiest one first and build your way up. 

Take time to relax before starting work. Go on a walk. Listen to music that will pump you up, and get out of the house to forget about all of the things piling up. I know it can feel like you’re wasting time, but starting work stressed will only make you more stressed. Try yoga. I follow along with routines mainly from Yoga with Adrienne, because it’s never too complex or straining if you’re a beginner, and there are lots of different routines for stress relief or productivity. Think about why you’re doing what you’re doing before you do it. 

Be proud of yourself. Always remember your accomplishments. Remember that you are capable. Remember the goals you want to achieve, and remind yourself that they are WORTH ACHIEVING. 

Go at your own pace. Forget what everyone else is doing, forget what society tells you that you should be doing, even though that’s easier said than done. It is your life and you will do things the best way for yourself. 

Write a list of things to look forward to, no matter how small or how far away those things are. 

You will improve. It will take effort, and it will take time, but you will get past this, and you can become that version of yourself that you want to be. 

[shytiff]

Jan 2021 Wins

ive “journaled” for 6 months now. it started as small ___ wins because when you feel rly empty, even doing the bare minimum feels like a win. written down some of the wins. i think until now i’d like to keep the “win” part. a win against my shadow sometimes. a win in life. some things to be grateful for. a win for remembering it later in the future. i know some days im just basically doing nothing.  there are a lot of wars not won by me. but im still tryna ✨manifest✨

1 - woke up. watched bts’ 2021 seasons greetings. read trap city. afternoon nap. pupuy’s mbah passed away. i got DOMS in my body even though i did the barest of exercise yesterday (frail, i know). shower, matcha latte.

2 - the x banner atikah and i sent for racil post thesis defense has arrived lmaoo. mom made delicious (and sweet) fried banana. did some studying (more than usual, bcs the bar is on the floor)

3 - ate muesli, 3 risols. Kopsus coklat at flavola. Stayed there from 12-ish to 17:30 lmaooo. weekly bahas soal w/ fi. Rapat nemo

4 - first day of collab module. Barely cicil ukmppd. My mood is normal-ish but i hardly have the will to study. Dinner is fried fish with mentai sauce, potato wedges, and saladdd by mom

5 - collab module, qa presentation for rsui reps. finished reviewing tryout 2 solid. did padi pretest (got 66,5). ate chicken porridge, a bit of muesli and vsoy, tan ek tjoan bread, matcha latte, fish and chicken and potato wedges and salad, fried banana. i ate well today lol.

6 - slept during collab webinar, went to clara’s place to study osce and attended padi together. i ate well at clara’s placeee lol. ate nastar, kusuka, white kwetiaw with soup (?), and lele goreng. went back home @ 9 pm. i feel refreshed. even though we’ve half studied half mukbang all day. human interaction rly does heal me. i need human interaction more than i think. at night i dreamed about going to bali, to waterparks, seeing sea creatures, watching a movie displayed on a concert-like stage and screen at the front row. 

7 - woke up at 07:55, finished my part for collab group work. felt a bit tired today. the rest of fam went to DM, and when they were on the way back i HURRIED my way out, not even taking a shower lmaoo. got pistachio matcha latte at starbucks dm. now im more skilled in searching the best spot in a cafe to distance myself from people lmao. the matcha latte is served with some sort of pistachio cream and sprinkled with nuts on top. its like when sbux had taro matcha latte and it had purple cream on top. the pistachio taste is quite strong. reviewed TO 1 padi, sent proposals for nemo sponsorship.

8 - did syndrome try out and padi 2 web try out. studied for osce and padi @ clara’s place. wanted to order pizza since clara bought me food before, but she insisted in ordering lmaoo. so dinner is pizza hut

9 - woke up at 11.00 lmao. havent had breakfast. lunch is muesli with the brand new delishhh chocolate granola and cimory banana milk. did one shot try out, got 71. had a google meet with Prof Agus (that ethics book ghostwriting job from a year ago is not finished until now huaaa) that went from 20.00ish and finished at 22.30,,,,, reviewed syndrome try out along the way. havent made my collab self reflection hhhh. i also need to study for osce. also havent edited article for bukang solid. and there goes my saturday nooo

10 - i swear i keep waking up late lmao. Flavola w atikah, racheel later came with wawa. Kopsus coklat and ukmppd class w dr yudo. After class i just talked at flavola (and ended not studying osce at all for sunday). Went to racheel's to pray and talk some more. Hurriedly went back for booty call with fi, watched konser dies natalis first. Tryout and sum study with fi and clar that went from 20:30 to 00:10. Powered by left over kopsus and 2 snackit pia. Rip my sleeping schedule

11 - woke up at 10:30 ish, the lack of meal and horrible sleep pattern (for my standard) produced stuffy nose during the day and a bit of headache that went away for a bit after i ate. Late bfast is muesli, drank protein, ate tan ek tjoan, plus 2 brownies in the evening. Tht coaching w dr niken. Did self reflection for collab. Had dinner without rice, as usual. Ukmppd class w dr ayu. Finished reflection at 21:30 lmao (deadline is 23:55). Tryna sleep and my nose is still itchy and i sneeze a more often. i hope it goes away 2mrw

12 - DV coaching, scele tryout, took a nap before padi cause my head kind of hurts. Les padi while drinking matcha with vsoy less sugar and no added sugar. I can withstand the horrible sugarless cy matcha taste bcs theres a taste of soy. Didnt do anything else. Havent studied osce on my own until now. Astagfirullah

13 - my head still kind of aches. Its goes away when im eating. im eating so well during the weekdays that i gained 2kgs lmao. lazed around the first half of the day. padi. finally tried saint matcha and damnn its an amazing upgrade from Cy matcha. the green color is super different yall. Cy’s green looks sick and tired compared to saint matcha. the taste? immaculate (although coco deli is more fragrant). caffeine? hits. awake and feel normal? yes. messaged an ao3 author and got replied and turns out she’s making a sequel for my fav fic of hers. yay

14 - osce practice w ara ren ness. bedah and anak osce coaching. had 3 of mom’s cinnamon rolls and matcha latte for the afternoon. cicil osce DV. edited some pld articles. did nothing else basically

15 - wasted my day, didnt have the courage to study osce (i feel like i procrastinate on it bcs it feels overwhelming to me), TO FKUI 2, hurriedly reviewed to 1 before, les padi. i feel like this is the least focused im being in a les. maybe its the too few matcha powder.

16 - woke up at 9 am. breakfast is muesli. reviewed to 2 fkui w apa salahku (finished at 12 pm, there goes half of my saturday). tried fried chicken master. its good and tender but i still prefer moon chicken. 

17 - breakfast is muesli, banana and 2 martabak tahu. snack is keripik pisang aduuu wenak (and picking bits of meat cooked by mom). went to devi’s place w/ racheel silvi. brought RJ to be wrapped. we watched okay madam and its super fun, hilarious and full of twists anddd a bit of cutesy romance. just the right balance to enjoy and let the stress out. late lunch is moon chicken yay!! went home after maghrib, did to padi 6 w/ fi and matcha latte. talked about a senior’s wedding and eating healthier til 22:30

18 - To fkui 3, wasted my afternoon playing my phone, finally mustered some will to study after ashar. My progress is rly slow today. Watched hilarious jessi interview with eric, heechul. Im telling u, i thought tiktok is the funniest internet content but i was wronggg. Seeing heechul flustered is hilarious. Tried to study again at night but only learned 1 disease hiks

19 - had no idea what i did before dzuhur lmao. went to racheel’s to surprise atikah. actually napped at her place lmaoo why do i feel so sleepy. gifted rj to atikah. we ate fried chicken master and pempek on a small green table and talked. its like korean movie lmao. we talked while im simultaneously listening to padi lol.

20 - woke up at 8, chicken porridge + muesli and low sugar vsoy for breakfast. arrived at clara’s @10am. to fkui 4. reviewed it. reviewed general physical exam. finished up to padi 7. tried bombo donut. studied osce. i felt sooo dumb in osce (and clara is already super smart). superrr motivated to learn after going back home (arrived at 7) but i ended up opening youtube and drinking protein lmaooo and its suddenly 9 pm

21 - matcha latte at starbucks dm. Studied osce. Obgyn coaching w the super kind dr ilham. Les padi. Read angel buddy and played with my phone til 12 pm

22 - to fkui. padi as usual. had low motivation, so i did the tryout that day close to the actual course.

23 - left home at 06:30 to study together in capitol. had breakfast in mcd first. thank god i ate rice + chicken and breakfast wrap cuzzzz. studied osce together w ara, ical, kelvyn, dio and kak ilonka til about 2 pm. WALKED to bk bcs my parents are there. apparently simply driving to capitol is too much for them. immediately ate muesli at 4 pm cause i didnt eat anything in capitol. did nothing else after that. did not pray maghrib together lmao somehow mom had mercy on me and let me sleep som more. mom bought sate padang but i didnt eat it. i cried in bed because as yoongi said, “this is the real you and this is the real me”. did not shower/wash my face at night bcs i felt like shit lmao rip my face (its a week before bukang photoshoot)

24 - i feel tired, lazy, and just wanted some sleep. like all that’s in me is drained. ate muesli with strawberry milk. tried fitmee beef. its better than i thought. because the noodle is chewy you spend more time to chew. also ate fried chicken and daun singkong. usually i cant wait to go to flavola but even at 12 pm i just feel like laying down. finally mustered the will to shower and go out. its raining a bit on the way. colddd. 

25 - to fkui 6, osce briefing, covid lecture (that was actually for ppds), padi

26 - spaghetti for brekkie, coaching neuro and ophthalmology, cicil osce

27 - cicil osce, the second to the last padi omg. the fastest padi ever

28 - obgyn osce practice at kak ilonka’s place (that nice kosan at forkabi) with ara, ren ness, kelvyn, dio with mannequins from og dept, tried meokja salemba that serves bulgogi rice. quite good. after arriving at home, studied neuro together with menno til about 20:45 an and i just dont have the energy lmaooo so i gave up and slept

29 - today is bukang photoshoot at bintaro. put base make up on the way. even put glue on my eyebrow. got eyebrow, eyeshadow and blush done by renata. took lots of photos. nebeng om coro afterwards to bxc to meet mom. we ate at genki sushi (renata ara kris mendel oca regan geordie eka). i missss road trips hua. did tryout fkui on the way back home. after shower and prayer proceeded to review TO with apa salahku. Last padi (havent done the questions beforehand so i sprinted it out while on the actual course). Muhasabah osce with kak widia afterwards lmao. Studied osce with clara

30 - studied osce with ara ren ness @ merra. I ate eatlah, moms muffin, kemplang, tango. I ate so welll. Its a productive sesh, neuro and infectious disease. At home i studied osce w clara til abt 22:15 ish. I feel like i miss my me time lmao its been 3 days. I can still go on w clara but i dont wanna get myself sick

31 - simul osce in the morning. Osce study with clara almira. Cicil osce alone. Played my phone at 10 pm even though i still have mental clarity post matcha latte -___-

[jenni42085]

Made in the AM <Two>

Ch. Two

Alex's POV

The rest of my day consisted of packing, making sure all my bills were paid up to date, and getting more coverage for my cellphone. I didn't have any idea of how long I'd be gone for but I packed enough clothing for atleast three weeks, hopefully that will be enough. Plus having two big suitcase with plenty of room for if I have any souvenirs.

"So where are you going first?" Tori asks while helping me straighten up my room. Figured since I might be gone a few weeks no need to come home to a dirty place.

"The itinerary says I'll start off in Singapore for a few days, and from there no idea really, I guess they figure if I finish quickly enough no need to fill me in. I hope to get a bunch of great pictures and souvenirs though in my down time. Are you sure you can't beg them to come with? I don't want to do this alone." I ask sitting down next to her resting my head on her shoulder.

"Lex, you are going to be fine. I'm sure they will absolutely adore you. Let's have our last lunch before you leave."

"T, what am I going to do without you there?" I ask getting my shoes on and lingering at the floor.

"You are going to shine bright like I know you can."

MANY HOURS LATER

"Alexandria, we're in Singapore." Paul nudges me awake.

I wipe the sleep from my eyes and look out the window. "What time it is? "

"Umm almost 8 am." Paul says as he hands my laptop bag from the overhead compartment. "We are heading to the hotel then possibly out to eat. The guys will probably be asleep until noon if not later."

"Ok, that's great because I'd like to sleep in an actual bed instead of on the plane. When will I meet them?" I ask because I'm not mentally ready yet. Most of the 15 hour flight was spent listening to their albums trying to figure out what kind of style they lean to. Mainly it is a lot of pop but some songs show a different kind of range in music, maybe I can use it towards my advantage. I didn't actually close my eyes until the last two hours of the flight.

"If you are up for it, you can meet them tonight before their show. If not tomorrow, I know jet lag is a pain."

"Understatement, I'll try to be up and ready to meet the guys tonight. I'm just exhausted."

"I understand, if you can't meet them today it is ok.  No stress.  " Paul replied leading to the black SUV.

We rode silently to the hotel, I was taking in the sounds, smells, and scenery of Singapore. This city is so large, I can't wait to explore but right now I can't wait to get to my room. Paul informed me that they had blocked off the entire penthouse so I wouldn't have to worry about anyone really bothering me.

I open the door to a large suite; most of the room was a crisp white color which was refreshing. There was a king size bed that has big plush white comforter on it. After my bags were in my room I stripped out of my clothes and step into the oversized bathroom. Seeing as I was too tired to soak in the tub, I opt for a shower because I don't think I could stay awake much longer. I dry off then apply some Love Spell body butter then put on a cami and some boy shorts then crawl into bed. Slowly, I close my eyes and drift off into dreamland.

BAM BAM BAM. What was that? I shoot up in bed with my heart racing. Seriously? I thought this was going to be a peaceful time of just exploring more emotions and writing but apparently not. These boys are already way to loud.  I grabbed my headphones and turn up some peaceful ocean waves then try to drift back to sleep.

I wake up to my once bright room to be dark but illuminated by the lights of outside. The city looks kind of like a Christmas wonderland with all the lights going on. I take out my camera and take a few shots of the beauty because it is absolutely breathtaking. I stretch once again and look at the clock. Paul had said that they try to leave for the arena by 8, that means I have less than forty-five minutes to get dressed.

Thankfully I'm not high maintenance it only takes fifteen minutes to get ready. I throw on my Old Navy skinny jeans with a plain white tee and my light weight gray hoodie. Part of me was afraid to wear flip flops in a high traffic place where someone might crush my toes so I fall back to my usual cotton candy colored Converse. Pretty sure that isn't the name of the color but I call them that since they are pastel purple, pink, and teal with a clear coat of glitter to make them sparkle.

Checking myself in the mirror I look more of a stage crew member then a song writer but meh. I'm comfortable and it looks semi cute. I throw my braids into a messy bun. So happy that my nap made me alert enough to not need any makeup, just some watermelon flavored Chapstick. I grab my mini Fossil cross body then pack the usual necessary items Chapstick, mirror, wallet, notepad, pen, room key, and cell phone then head out.

As I walk into the hallway I'm greeted by one of the security guards who looks rather intimidating. I give a small wave but he doesn't return it. "Miss Morris, this way to the van." I follow him down the hallway then midway I hear a door opening out comes Paul looking slightly stressed but upbeat.

"Glad to see you made it to our first concert after the break. They will be the best and most energetic. You can ride with us over there." I nod my head at him. " They should all be meeting us here in a moment and I'll introduce you."

I flash him a smile and reply "Great, can't wait." But mentally I can wait, this is seriously making my blood pressure jump a few points. This isn't what I need but yet here I am feeling hot and a little dizzy.

A loud noise approaching me knocks me out of my thoughts. What the fresh hell is going on? I turn around to be greeted with a herd of bodies. "Guys!! Seriously we don't need to get kicked out for all the noise." I stare back at the group of guys with wide eyes.

"Who's this? Your new assistant?" The blonde asks.

"No Niall, this is your songwriter. Her name is Alexandria. She is here to help you guys along. She is going to watch you guys tonight and probably travel with us for a few weeks. Be nice."

I have four sets of eyes shift in my direction suddenly I feel even more self conscious and kind of naked, I let a small " Hello" out with a wave.

"Hello Alexandria. I'm Niall." He offers his hand to me and I graciously shake it. He releases my hand then points out the rest of the guys, "That is Louis, Liam, and Harry."

Louis and Liam both give me a firm handshake while Harry barely acknowledges my presence. What crawled up his ass? Maybe he is still tired from traveling all day. Who knows, but it was kind of rude.  I guess my facial expression showed some disgust with his hand shake because Liam shot him a look. "Don't pay grumpy much mind, he didn't sleep to well on the drive here."

With that response I force my face into a half smile and nod. "No worries. And you can call me Alex."

"Well Alex, are you ready to see how we rock it out?" Niall asks excitedly. Again I nod feeling very shy and unsure of what I have signed up for. We pile into the van and head towards the arena. I wish I had brought that water I had just opened with me because my blood pressure is trying to get the best of me.

*****************************************************************************************************

Harry's POV

So this is our songwriter? She doesn't look like anything special. I was honestly hoping for someone a little fitter than that but I guess if you only write and never perform what would you expect.  Right?  This was not what I was expecting when Paul said Simon had sent us something that we needed. She seems nice enough just really quiet and very shy. It does beg the question as to how she was able to write music about love, life, and everything in between it doesn't seem like she even leaves the house often.

Niall and Liam are always the first to make friends with people. They have her seated in between them chatting it up like old friends."So what album were you working on last?" Louis asks as I shoot him a dirt look that he ignores.

"Umm, I... I have been working with Tori Kelly mainly." She finally managed to get out.

"Really!!?" Niall exclaims excitedly. "Her voice is powerful! Nobody Love is an epic song I bet the rest of her album will be amazing. How did you meet her?"

"High school."

"High school" the three of them repeat her as in a slight shock.

"Yeah, we have been best friends since freshman year."

Without even thinking I state, "So you are like riding off of her talent, yeah?" After the words left my mouth I knew I went to far. "Umm I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that"

But it was too late the damage was done. The van fell silent. I turned around to get a look at her, her face was illuminated by her cell phone and her face was solemn with tears in her eyes. "No, I got here on my own merit. I work hard I just don't sing. Simon picked me for my skills." She calmly states in a flat tone.

I hear Liam whisper something to her. My intention wasn't to make her tear up like that. Louis smacks me in the back of the head. "Smooth move mate! You are going to have her crying and not for the right reasons."

"Fuck! I wasn't trying to be mean. I was just wondering how she got here." I say as we get out of the van. Niall helps her out of the van and puts an arm around her shoulder.

As I bring up the rear Paul stops me, "Look, I know you aren't thrilled about this but give her a break she didn't even want to come because her nerves are so bad. She has maybe said twenty words to me on the flight. Simon wants her here because he thinks this is what you guys need so....."

I cut him off already knowing what he is going to say. "So don't fuck this up." I sigh as I enter the dressing room. The guys are shooting me looks as if I don't already know I've messed up, I don't want to be in the doghouse much longer so I decide to formally apologize. But as I'm about to do so I don't see her anywhere. "Where did Alexandria go?"

"No idea. She kind wandered off once we got inside." Liam says with a slight worried expression.

*****************************************************************************************************

Alex's POV

<sigh> This is exactly what I didn't want to happen. I just wanted to stay on comfort zone. I can feel my mood shifting to depression so I do one of the few things that calm me when I'm depressed.

"Hello?"

"Hey T. I know it is late. I just need to talk."

"Alex, what happened?" She asks groggily. I give her a run down of what has happened and she takes a breath "He is a man who obviously can't deal with the fact that you are so special and talented. If everyone else is being nice to you don't let one prick try to drag you down."

I let her words penetrate my heart and think on things. <sigh> "Ok I'm going to show them all how talented I am. Thanks T. I don't know what I'd do with out you."

"No problem. Night."

"Night." I hang up the phone and pull out my headphones. I need some real music to clear my head. I felt kind of old school so I played some Maroon 5 Songs About Jane. Listening to this album always calms my nerves.

Listening to Adam Levine's voice gives me a pretty wicked beat, then I start thinking over the conversation with T, 'Don't let anyone drag you down'. I made notes on my phone and my fingers start flying as I'm typing out lyrics. Apparently, I was so in the zone that I didn't notice anyone come up to me. I feel a hand touch my shoulder and it makes me jump out of my skin. "What?"

It was Harry looking pretty hot minus his shitty attitude. He looked at me with big green eyes that I could see why the women love him. "Ummm, I'm sorry for earlier I haven't really been myself lately. I didn't mean to say that. Can you please...."

"Please what?  Just don't worry about it.  You already don't like me for whatever reason so, lets just steer clear of each other and everything will be ok.  Alright?"  I reply without shedding a tear or batting an eye.  The look on his face was of shock.  He stood there a moment about to open his mouth.  "Just go back and get ready.  I have songs to write."  With those few words I leave him standing there speechless and speed walk to the nearest ladies room so I can get a few more moments of peace of quiet because my mind is racing with song lyrics.  Maybe proving people wrong will fuel the fire that I need.  <sigh>  I wonder if they have a spare guitar for me to use......

*****************************************************************************************************

Harry's POV

I can't bloody believe she dismissed me like I was nothing!  I was trying to give her a heart felt apology and cover my ass at the same time.  Not going to lie, I hate that I did say that out loud to her because I really know nothing about her, plus she is only here to help. Walking back to my dressing room I start warming up my vocals.  But this just adds to the stress I'm already feeling.  I'll find a way to make it up to her, but after the show.  I need my head in the game.

"Did you find her?"  Liam asks, he is always playing Daddy Direction.

"I did."

"And?"  He stops  lifting weights long enough to look at me.  I swear that is his new favorite pass time.  

"Well I tried...."

"You tried?!!  Harry.  Seriously?" he rolls his eyes.  

"She didn't want to hear it.  She just shut me down and sprinted away."

"Well bull lox, you have to make it right.  Soon."  Liam replies as he walks away from me.  "Next time think before you speak.  She is a nice girl."

*****************************************************************************************************

Alex's POV

The news of me being new to the whole concert spread pretty quickly because when I asked for a spare acoustic guitar it took them no time to let me borrow one I guess they know their job kind of depend on me to write music.  I sit on the counter in the ladies room and start getting a melody in my head.  There was a knock on the door.

"Yes?"  I ask.

It was a male's voice but not really sure who's.  "Alexandria?"  

"You can just call me Alex.  And can I help you?"  I reply shyly.

"Can I come in?"

"Umm, I guess so.  Who is it?"

"Niall."

"Sure come in."  The adorable blonde hair,  blue eyed, guy comes into the bathroom which was probably the size of my bedroom back home.  He looks at the fact I'm sitting on the counter with headphones on, guitar out, and my notepad writing stuff down.  Still unsure of my mood he stands in front of the sink, glancing in the mirror then back at the mess I have on the counter.

"You ok?"  I look at him and pull my ear plugs fully out, I can tell he is sincerely asking about my well being.

"Well, when I finish this song I might be ok.  I'm just in the zone and need this out of my system.  Why?"

He flashes me a quick smile.  "You are already writing?  I thought we were supposed to be doing it together."

"Yes, you are but right now I'm in the zone and can't afford to lose this."

"Aye!  Can I hear what you have so far?"

That question really throws me off guard, I know that eventually they will have to see my work first hand.  I look at him moment thinking over if I really want to do this.  "OK,"  I slowly start to drum the cords out on the guitar,

"I've got fire for a heart

I'm not scared of the dark

You've never seen it look so easy

I got a river for a soul

And baby you're a boat

Baby you're my only reason."  

I stop and look at him then continue, "I'm not sure what would be the other part of the verse  but I have the chorus

All my life

You stood by me

When no one else was ever behind me

All these lights

They can't blind me

With your love, nobody can drag me down"  

I finish playing and give him a look indicating that I needed his opinion.

"I like it.  Did you  just come up with it?"

"Yes.  Was feeling down about the car ride and I had to call my bestie, then I listened to Maroon 5 and now I'm feeling a little better.  I can't let anyone drag me down.  Even your bandmate."  

Niall starts packing my stuff up for me.  I cock my head to the side.  "I know Harry can be a pain, but he is the baby of the group so I just don't think he realizes how much of a jack ass he can be at times.  And I'm only packing your stuff up so you can watch the show."  He pulls me off the counter and pulls me in for brief hug.  "It will get better I promise."

"If you say so."  I mumble into his chest.

"I do.  Come and watch us.  Please."  He does a puppy dog face which causes me to smile.

"You are a lady killer I swear.  You look innocent then you pull that.  Don't think it will work all the time on me."  I say with a a smirk.  He gives me a quick wink.

"I know it won't always work but I'm going to milk it until it no longer does."  He puts an arm around me and lead me back to their dressing room.  With Niall looking out for me maybe this trip won't be so bad.  I'm ready to see what these boys have to offer.  

[moncercueils]

Tongue-Tied

ko-fi commission fic for @pretty-chuckalicious​! thank you! 💛

tristan/duke

・・・

♬ I'm the boy in your other phone Lighting up inside your drawer at home all alone Pushing 40 in the friend zone We talk and then you walk away every day Oh, you don't think twice 'bout me And maybe you're right to doubt me, but

But if you give me just one night You're gonna see me in a new light Yeah, if you give me just one night To meet you underneath the moonlight Oh, I want a take two, I want to breakthrough I wanna know the real thing about you So I can see you in a new light ♬

Tristan hummed and tapped his fingertips to the mellow, feel-good beat pouring from the speakers in Duke’s open-top convertible. The road stretched out in front of them without bump and without traffic, and he listened to the roar of the oceanfront as they drove along the coast.  

The car curved up the scenic route along coast, racing effortlessly through the sparse traffic. Palm trees with full, viridian fronds lined the highway and the sky was entirely clear; deep, true, cloudless blue, bright with sunshine and crisp, carrying the tang of sea salt .

As they drove, the wind whistled in Tristan’s ears and tousled his hair into a disarray— they were en route to the beach, and he had forsaken hair gel just this once, knowing fully well that there was no way he was going to be able to resist basking in the warm, balmy sunshine and dipping into the ocean in the golden afternoon. 

Tristan tipped his head back with a sigh and closed his eyes against the yellow sun, content to quietly absorb the warmth on his skin and listen to his boyfriend’s chill playlist. John Mayer’s crooning voice was soon replaced, and Tristan wondered how the hell he had gotten where he was— racing down the highway, on a leisurely vacation in sunny California in the first summer after high school graduation, paid for by the man in the driver’s seat, his boyfriend—

“Hey, you gonna take a nap now? We’re almost there, y’know.”

Duke’s rumbling voice drew Tristan’s attention, and he lazily lolled his head to the side, peeling one eyelid open to gaze at Duke’s profile. His skin was sun-kissed and freckled, proof of a long summer spent together in the sun, frequenting beaches and working on Tristan’s bike together in between lemonade breaks. 

“Nah, I’m good.”

Tristan stretched, raising his arms over his head, and spread them out, casually sliding a hand over the back of the driver’s seat headrest. 

Duke looked away from the road long enough to give him a smug look.  “How long were you planning on doing that?”

“Like 15 minutes....ever since we got off the interstate.”

Duke’s laughter sent a warm shiver rolling down Tristan’s spine, and he matched it with an easy grin, nudging the ball of his bare shoulder with his fingertips. 

“Hey, it took you three years to even give me a chance. I can take as long as I want to do anything.”

Tristan couldn’t see his eyes through the dark sunglasses perched atop the bridge of his nose, but he could feel the exasperated look Duke tossed his way. 

“Are you gonna hold that against me forever?” 

“Yep, you know it!” 

Duke stole a quick glance over his shoulder for any incoming traffic, then veered to the side, pulling over on the bank of the road and lulling the engine. Before Tristan so much as question him, Duke surged forward and brought their lips together into a kiss, sliding his fingers into Tristan’s windswept hair without resistance. 

Tristan tensed, surprised and momentarily caught off-guard, before he sank into the kiss and stifled a sigh against Duke’s lips. It was quick, soft; Duke was sliding back into his seat  in just a matter of seconds, looking smug, as if he had wordlessly proven a point. 

“Let’s get going. We’re almost there!”

“You’re the one who pulled over!”

・・・

The water that lapped at Tristan’s ankles was cold, but he marched eagerly into the salty ocean waves, wading deeper until the water reached his shoulders and he had to jump to match the waves. 

Duke was a red-Speedo-d blip in the sand. Tristan could just barely make out the shape of his long, lean legs, bronzing in the sun, spread out into a vee on a checkered beach-towel. He had complained that he didn’t want to go in the water— he hated when the sand stuck to his wet skin, the salt dried out his skin, yadda yadda, excuses excuses. 

Tristan dipped his head below the waves and shook out his hair with a refreshed sigh. But after a few minutes of bobbing peacefully in the water, he became bored. If Joey was there, he knew that he would have at least tried to hold his head beneath the surface of the water or to splash salty water into one another’s eyes. 

After a few more minutes, he slowly made his way back to the sand. The dry, hot sand burned the naked soles of his feet and he walked quickly, hissing when he stepped on the pointed broken shell fragments and tangles of dried seaweed. As he closed the distance, he could see that Duke had a magazine over his face. The glossy paper reflected the glare of the sunlight, and his naked skin gleamed with tanning oil, slick and enticing. 

Too enticing. Kind of irresistible. 

He made his way directly to Duke, and with his torso still damp, droplets of saltwater dripping from his hair and rolling down his shoulders to the swells of his pectorals and down the smooth lines of his biceps, he tumbled down next to his unsuspecting boyfriend and immediately rolled onto him.

Duke yelped and shoved at his shoulder. 

“You’re wet—!”

“Really? I didn’t even notice.”

Duke groaned, but stopped struggling. Tristan hid a smile against his dark, silky hair and closed his eyes, appreciating the warmth of the sun on Duke’s soft skin. It was quiet on the beach; they had walked far enough on the coast to find an empty stretch, and besides the caw of seagulls circling over the playful waves and the crash of the tide on the sand, he could hear nothing but the steady, rhythmic beat of Duke’s heart pounding sluggishly in his chest.

“You smell good,” he mumbled appreciatively.  “Kinda like coconut.”

Duke’s fingers skimmed over his shoulder, light and comforting. “It’s the tanning oil. Tropical-scented, whatever the fuck that means.”

“Nice.”

They baked in the sun together until Tristan’s eyes began to droop and he felt that familiar sleepiness wash over him. Duke’s hand rested warm and heavy in the center of his back, and it was only the feeling of his fingers patting him to get his attention that kept him from snoozing on the spot.

“Huh?”

“I need some sunblock or else I’m gonna tan all patchy and weird.”

Tristan pushed himself up, hovering over Duke in a way that was inappropriately familiar. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a yellow bottle conspicuously marked SPF 50, and he reached for it. 

“Start with my back,” Duke instructed, and rolled over.  “Don’t miss a spot, or else I’ll burn.”

“You were frying just a few minutes ago.” 

But Tristan obediently squeezed a handful of sunscreen into his palm. It was cool, a nice contrast to the heat of the sun, and he spread it over Duke’s trim shoulders, taking his time massaging it into his skin. He was sure that Duke had drifted; his breathing was deep and steady and he didn’t say a word for a long time, but after a while, he cleared his throat. 

Duke’s voice was soft and curious, at odds with his usual braggadocio. 

“Are you really still mad that it took me so long to date you?”

Tristan paused, admiring the faint white streaks of zinc sunscreen on Duke’s skin. Then he continued, following the dip of his waist and smoothing his hands over the small of his back.

“Nope,” he answered, honestly and thoughtfully. “You came around eventually, y’know? It just took some time. I’d be mad if you were still pretending to be chasin’ after Joey’s sister.”

Duke made a noise of protest. “You did that too.”

“Yeah, I know, but I actually liked her. But it’s weird now, ‘cause she’s still a kid and I’m an adult now.”

“Yeah, and dating me.”

Tristan smiled and dipped his head low enough to press a kiss to the nape of Duke’s neck, before he covered that spot with sunscreen too. 

“Yeah, that too.”

・・・

On the pier boardwalk, Tristan walked with an arm slung comfortably over Duke’s freckled shoulders. Duke had stolen his sweatshirt as soon as the sun dipped below the horizon and a fine, cool fog descended over the coast; he was a sucker for the cold and Tristan obliged him. 

He only had a lightweight long-sleeve for protection, but Duke was a warm presence at his side, and when Duke would turn to begrudgingly share a bite from his churro or a sip of his overpriced hot chocolate, he couldn’t bring himself to complain about the cold— he hardly even felt it.

They leaned over the rail at the end of the pier together, standing side by side, peering out at the inky, terrifyingly-dark ocean. The only proof it was water and not a hole carved out from space itself was the shine of the moon on the lapping waves and the soft splash of the water against the wooden legs of the pier. 

The silvery moonlight reflected off Duke’s hair, and Tristan found himself running his fingers through it fondly, sweeping it back from his face, before sliding his hand lower and cupping his cheek in his palm. Duke’s skin was dry; after dozing on the sand and waking up hot and sweaty from a brief nap, they had splashed in the cool waves and the salt did dry his sensitive skin, but Tristan paid it no mind. 

Duke leaned forward and bridged the distance between their mouths, kissing him sweetly, slowly, taking the time to suck on his lower lip and trace the seam of his lips with his tongue. He drew a quiet moan from Tristan, but he broke the kiss with a laugh, and Tristan blinked, in a daze, as Duke teased him, large eyes gleaming in the dim light.

“Your lips taste like salt!”

“So do yours!”

And Tristan kissed him again, not caring, letting everything fade into the background as dark and comforting as the inky black sea. 

・・・

commission a fic!

[srirachatim-blog]

Zero Calorie 5 Day Water Fasting 13 Apr 19 - 18 Apr 10

Day 1

11:00 am – Weight 98.2 kg – 216.7 lb. (+/- 0.0 kg (+/- 0 lbs.))

I slept in until like 9:00 am. I don’t know how people do it. I had to force myself to sleep that late.

Anyhow, I got up an had some water like normal. Not feeling hungry right now, but I did eat a lot yesterday.

6:30 pm

Everything is going fine. I haven’t been hungry; the only thing is this damn headache. Either from no coffee or no sugar, it will go away.

Been taking naps most of the day and watching movies. Drinking water throughout the day.

Day 2

8:30 am – Weight 96.0 kg – 211.10 lb. (-2.2 kg (-4.13 lbs.))

Well, the headache is gone. I figured it would be. I drank somewhere around 3.5 Liters of water yesterday. I’m not real hungry, a little bit, but nothing major.

We’ll see how the rest of the day goes. I do get those urges at time to just eat. I think that’s mostly out of habit, “Oh, it’s time to eat”. I recognize them and it just passes. I drink hot water when I feel hungry and then it goes away. It’s not really sharp hunger pains just annoying.

2:30 pm

A lot of videos I watched talked about your smell, your personal body smell. I couldn’t smell it before, but yeah, I can now. It’s kind of like a medicinal hospital smell after you’ve removed a bandage. It’s not that strong, but I can smell it.

 Day 3

8:30 am – Weight 94.7 kg – 208.12 lb. (-3.5 kg (-7.11 lbs.))

Yesterday was kind of tough. I was feeling hungry most of the time in the afternoon. I had a little trouble going to sleep, but once I did I was out.

I feel hungry, but not hungry. I can feel my stomach twang a little, but I don’t really want to eat. I’m just thirsty.

I have a lot of energy this morning, I think I’m going to get my ass out of the house today and go do some shopping or something, just to get out.

11:00 am

Got home. Damn! My room smells like death. I didn’t notice how bad it was until I left and came back. I’m going to have to really spray it good when this is over.

I was contemplating doing 10 or even 15 days, but I would have to go back to work on day 8. I don’t want to be smelly at school, or at least smellier than I already am.

 Day 4

7:30 am – Weight 93.9 – 207.0 lb. (-4.3 kg (-9.7 lbs.))

The weight is slowly coming off now. We’ll just have to see what happens every day. Hell, I’ll take a kilo every day.

11:30 am

Just went to the hardware store, came back home and I am beat. I replaced a hose clamp and watered the tree. I need a nap. One thing I realized today; I haven’t had to blow my nose in the morning. Usually I am blowing my nose for the first 2 hours I wake up.

4:30 pm

I finally got some energy back. I’ve been beat to hell from that little trip to the store. I wonder what Wednesday will be like when I go shopping for my “after fasting” food.

The smell is gone. Must have been all that detox.

Day 5

7:00 am – Weight 93.9 – 207.0 lb. (-4.3 kg (-9.7 lbs.))

No weight changes today. I am surprised a little. Nothing really new going on. Still feeling drained when I do anything. It’s almost over, we’ll see what happens in the end.

2:00 pm

I went to the store to buy all of the food I will need to break my fast. I am going to break it in a few minutes. I am tired, the mall was busy and it’s a little bit of a drive.

2:30 pm – Breaking the Fast

I had some mango juice 50/50 with water. I feel so much better now. I have a shot of energy and can hear my stomach working again and rumbling. I will eat more later.

Day 6

8:30 am – Weight 93.4 – 205.14 lb. (-5.2 kg (-11.7 lbs.))

I’m kind of surprised that I lost more weight even after eating yesterday. Here’s what I ate:

Mango Juice, Pineapple Juice, Orange Juice all 50/50 water

Chicken broth and 2 pieces of whole wheat bread

Chicken Noodle soup with about 8 table water crackers

4 big pieces of watermelon and some mixed nuts

Today I will eat some more chicken soup and some vegetables and more fruit, tonight maybe add some milk. I feel great and refreshed.

[tiny-personal-university-thing]

The Day Of Your Exam

Realistic tips for the day of your exam that don't involve gum or perfume

Wake Up Earlier to Look Over Your Notes

Get a good, early start. If you’re an insomniac/night owl person such as myself, you’ll want to do your best to get to bed early the night before

You’ll want to take this extra time before your exam begins to have a good breakfast, fully wake up, get ready for the day, as well as go over your notes

The day of your exam, you shouldn’t be learning any new material. We’re past that point. You want to just refresh what you already know. I.e. “Okay, the Seneca Falls Convention happened in the year 1848, right.” 

I usually go over my handwritten notes, and also test myself using the Quizlet “Test” or “Match” feature

If you are studying a foreign language, use the “Spell” feature. You’ll want to be translating from your language to the foreign one by spelling the foreign one. This is a tip directly from my German teacher back in high school. I had her four years and she was a German citizen, so we had to know. our. stuff. 

Bring Your Study Materials to the Exam

I ride the bus to school, so I also utilize that time to review my notes

Get to the exam room/your class early so that you can review while you wait for the professor

Study until the professor asks the class to put away all study materials

Usually, the study materials I bring to the exam are a handwritten study guide or my phone to use Quizlet. 

Again, this time before your exam should not be a panicked, mad dash to absorb any new material

Don’t Fill Up on Too Much Coffee or Energy Drinks

If you don’t usually drink these, today is not the day to start

You want to avoid anything that is going to cause you to shake, or upset your stomach. 

I also wouldn’t drink too much of anything period. You only have so much time to take an exam, and that time doesn’t stop for any reason

During the Exam

Look at what the question is asking you. Read it and re-read it. Slowly.

Try to answer the question in your head before you look at the answer choices, should the test have a multiple choice format.

If you are allowed to write on a physical copy of the exam, do so. Write. All. Over. It. Write little notes about what you know. Obviously don’t write a paragraph. I typically write my thought process in shorthand. This helps you focus on thinking through the question. 

I like to circle words like “NOT TRUE” or “TRUE” or “ARE NOT” or “ARE”

If a question is asking you which of the following is true/not true of something, use check marks or X’s to denote that. 

For example: Which of the following are types of intimate partner violence?

A) Intimate Terrorism  ✔ 

B) Violent Resistance  ✔

C) Common Partner Violence X 

D) Situational Couple Violence  ✔

E) Mutual Violent Resistance  ✔

If you come across questions that are difficult, skip that until the end

This is a tip I learned from studying for the Law School Admission Test

Some sections will be “powered” or “reverse powered” meaning that questions will either gradually become more difficult to answer, or they will gradually become easier to answer. The LSAT rewards individuals for knowing how to take the test. Use this method when taking your exam. Do more difficult questions LAST, and answer as many easy questions as you can FIRST. This ensures that you at least got all of the easy points, and didn’t waste time getting stuck on a hard problem.

When you answer the question, make a note next to it whether you feel confident you got the answer right, you absolutely do not know the answer, or it’s a maybe. 

I usually denote that like this:

Yes! I am confident I am correct -  ✔

Maybe/Unsure - ?

I seriously don’t know the answer - X

When you finish your exam, go back over the questions you marked with maybe first

You probably have a better chance of getting the correct answer on these questions, and going through the exam might have helped you remember something

Go back over the questions you are certain you got right/had the ability to get right

Just double check that you read the question and answer correctly. 

Go back over the questions you feel that you did not get right last

After you go over your answers, check your scantron for errors.

If there was a short answer portion of your exam, re-read your answer two to three times.

Honestly, I like to take as much of the allotted time as possible, even if I finish before it. 

If your professor begins to call times at 15, 10 and 5 minute marks and you have already gone over your entire exam a couple of times at this point, feel free to turn it in

After the Exam

Don’t even think about it for awhile

In high school and junior high, I saw a lot of kids whip out their notes immediately after the exam to see if they got certain questions right or not

Don’t do that, you’re just going to stress yourself out

Clear your mind, grab a snack, go home and take a nap, or get ready for your next class. 

Typically in college, after you finish the exam you are free to go.

So be free and go. 

Try not to obsess over answers your friends said they got, or how your friends felt after the test

Just focus on relaxing, and getting ready for what you have to do next.

Don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t go your way

Learn from your mistakes

Plan for more time to study when the next exam rolls around

When you get your grade back, if you are able to see exactly which questions you got wrong, and your answers - check your work. Check your professor’s work.

They are human too and are capable of making mistakes.

If you feel a question was marked wrong that should have been right, say it like this:

“Dr/Professor/Mr/Mrs/Ms X? I had a question about number 15. The question says _____, and it says the answer is ____. I’m not necessarily saying that answer is wrong, but I also feel that __ could be a feasible answer because *cite course material*” 

Don’t make it about your professor making a mistake. Academics are proud people. Don’t insult their intelligence. 

Happy studying!

[lostsoulsdailyrambles]

Things that keep me breathing.

1. New music to be released by artists you like

2. New adventures your haven't experienced (have you jumped in any puddles recently?)

3. The possibility of a future pet

4. Your ultimate favourite movie could not have been released yet

5. They're going to release a new season of that show you like

6. Someone was made to love you out there, maybe they're searching for you the same way you long for them.

7. The longer you live the more chance you get to see good things happen in the world

8. There are so many different outfits and clothes you haven't tried wearing yet

9. So many songs you haven't listened to yet, your new favourite could be a day away

10. Think of the way you could bring light to others with your story of survival, the story of a warrior

11. Someone new and exciting is going to enter your life, they're going to open up a whole new world for you soon. Stay here for that

12. The feeling of freshly washed sheets on your skin after a late night shower.

13. Falling asleep to the sound of the car radio, watching the moon rise into the sky.

14. All the concerts you haven't been too

15. All the campfires you haven't gotten to sing around yet, all the smores you're going to eat

16. The feeling of a cold glass of water after a long day outside in the summer

17. All the smiles you'll put on people's faces

18. Holding that diploma or degree in your hand one day

19. Participating in the fight to make everyone equal.

20. Standing up for your beliefs

21. Finding your favourite candle scent

22. First kisses. Kisses of any kind.

23. Going home and taking a nap after a long day of socializing

24. Surprise money in the pockets of your favourite jeans

25. Watching the sky move in puddles as you walk past them

26. You'll learn new things, discover new things, things that can completely transform you

27. That feeling when the YouTube video finally loads.

28. More little victories, like not spilling any juice when pouring yourself a glass to drink in the morning

29. Buying a new cute bra. Or that feeling of refreshment you get when you swap out an old toothbrush for a new one.

30. The brief sense of renewal after you've deep cleaned your face.

31. All the people who are praying for you, even if you're not religious, or you don't feel loved. I promise you someone's praying for you by name.

32. Have you ever seen a picture of those really fluffy dogs that are always smiling? Whether you answer yes or no, there are so many pictures of those dogs you haven't seen yet.

33. Building pillow forts and blanket forts no matter what age you are.

34. You have changed somebody's life for the better, even if you don't feel like it. That stranger who you smiled at? You effected them.

35. Singing in the shower. Singing Christmas carols. Singing your favourite song home alone. Singing.

36. All the hobbies you haven't picked up yet.

37. All the lessons you have to teach others who need to learn them.

38. Taking off your socks for bed.

39. All those smile inducing photographs you have yet to take

40. When was the last time you had a snow cone? Too long ago. Imagine all the delicious snow cones you'll eat in the future.

41. The classic pacman games, the nostalgia the music gives you

42. All the lakes you haven't swam in yet, the docks you haven't jumped off of in that bathing suit that makes you feel amazing.

43. Finding that perfect pair of jeans

44. Being alive to witness the cure for cancer be discovered.

45. The extra hour you gain when the clocks get changed

46. All those languages you haven't learned yet.

47. Grinning so hard your cheeks hurt. And you don't even realize it until you're laying in bed that night.

48. The doodles you have yet to create

49. The internet friends you're going to make

50. Staring at Christmas lights reflecting on the snow.

51. All the Halloweens you haven't decorated for yet.

52. All those trips to the thrift stores you haven't gone on yet, all those hella cute shirts for 2 dollars you're going to buy.

53. You could learn about a new religion in the future, discover new things about how strong you are.

54. Music boxes. The nostalgia they hold.

55. The fact that cute animals exist

56. When you lay down after hard work and you feel all the muscles in your back relax

57. The reflection of your laptops light on the walls of your bedroom late at night. The silent serenity.

58. You are gonna get to buy a cool set of matching furniture in the future.

59. You might get to be here when they invent that thing where you can smell the video you're watching through your screen.

60. Start a coin collection, make it your goal to collect a coin from every country in the world. Now imagine having a coin collection that cool.

61. Getting to name a future pet Or heck if you're up for it... A future kid!

62. How many butterflies have you seen in your life? Not enough! There are so many more beautiful butterflies and animals too see.

63. Soft paint brushes.

64. All the books you haven't read yet (or inspiring lyrics you havent heard)

65. The sound of rain outside your window as you close your eyes to sleep.

66. Brushing cats. Hey it may sound weird, but it's satisfying and cats love it. Happy cats = cute cats

67. The alphabet song. Maybe it's just me, but it's so full of joy.

68. Finding out weird things about people (like how the alphabet song makes them happy)

69. Funny jokes with underlying meaning ;)

70. Watching lava lamps, in complete silence.

71. Imagine all the sunsets you have yet to watch. Cheesie, but it's really surreal to watch the sky change.

72. The satisfying click of a light switch.

73. That feeling of freedom you get after doing a deep clean of your room.

74. The fact that, no matter if you believe it or not, someone cares. I care.

75. One day you won't be pulling all nighters for essays. Ever again.

76. All the vinyls you don't own yet

77. All the games that haven't been released yet, thousands that you could fall in love with playing.

78. The possibility that one day, you could own your own house. And if you already do, think off all the interior decorating you have yet to do.

79. Finding that most comfortable sweater, the one that you could spend days in without shame

80. I care enough to take the time to write a list of all the things that keep me going, in hopes that I could bring you some hope.

81. Watching people in a relaxed state, the calm that radiates off of someone who's at utter peace is amazing.

82. All the new haircuts you haven't tried yet

83. The possibility that one day you could wake up to the love of your life, and all the glory of their morning hair. And if that's not something you want, then the fact that you can still see love in the world without romance.

84. The satisfaction of reconnecting to your WiFi after you have to do that thing where you unplug It, then re plug it when it stops working.

85. Freezies and popsicles in the summer

86. The future garden you haven't planted yet

87. All those recipes you haven't tried yet.

88. Running your hands through your freshly washed hair. Or on your freshly shaven legs/face/anything

89. The fact that the human mind is so complex that it's capable of such deep emotions like love(platonic or romantic), all the things you haven't learned about emotions yet. Or how our brain works.

90. The way you feel handing the cashier the exact amount of change.

91. Talking to nice retail workers. No matter what your conversation is about.

92. All those ice cream flavours you haven't tried

93. All the instruments you can't play yet... All the songs you're gonna learn.

94. The fact that tie dye exists. How cool?!?!

95. Pulling on clothes that just came out of the dryer and are still warm.

96. That feeling of accomplishment when you find the energy to practice self care.

97. The smell of popcorn in the microwave.

98. The feeling when your stomach hurts from laughter.

99. The fact that I was able to come up with 99 positive things.

[almostnoisydonut]

𝓣𝓲𝓹𝓼 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓢𝓽𝓾𝓭𝔂𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓯𝓻𝓸𝓶 𝓗𝓸𝓶𝓮

Studying at home has its perks: it’s a comfortable, low-pressure environment. However, there are a few reasons it can be difficult to study at home; with so many distractions, it’s easy to procrastinate—when you do start, it’s easy to get off track.

At home, procrastination and distraction can prevent you from accomplishing what you need to get done. Watching TV, taking a nap, scrolling through social media, or other activities (maybe even cleaning your room!), are big productivity killers that take you away from your goal of studying for or completing that assignment.

Fortunately, there are a few tricks you can use to help you be more productive. Here are ways to help you stay focused and get more done when studying at home.

Students of all ages should get at least eight hours of sleep every school night. It’s the best way to ensure that the brain is refreshed and ready to process all of the information learned during the day. It may be tempting to stay up late to cram, but it’s more beneficial to get enough rest.

A full night’s sleep is especially important the night before a test—a good night’s sleep makes you more alert and improves memory for test material, leading to better test results.

Whether it’s the kitchen table or the desk in your bedroom, create an area to study that is a designated study zone. Try to reserve your bed for sleeping and avoid studying in it (it can be all too easy to take a nap!). Most importantly, keep your study space clean and organized so you can put more time into studying (and less trying to find a pen that works).

Don’t forget to eat! Your body (and your brain) needs fuel to help stay in top form. Plus, it’s difficult to focus when your stomach is growling. Have healthy snacks while you study, but make sure they’re prepared in advance so you don’t spend too much time away from your work. More time away means more opportunity to be distracted!

Set a time you wake up, eat breakfast, get dressed, and begin studying. If you don’t set a routine for yourself, you may find your breakfast break stretch into... lunch. A routine provides a structure to get things done, keep the little things (like showering) from falling through the cracks, and frees you to plan for times to not study as well.

I know it’s tempting to wear pajamas all day or neglect brushing your hair for 15 days in a row. After all, you’re not planning to leave the house except for picking up emergency Doritos. However, you’ll feel much better about life and your studies when you take care of yourself. Make it a point to get dressed, brush your hair, and look presentable every day. (You might end up feeling a bit more motivated, too.)

No matter how excellent your focus, if you study at home it can be virtually impossible to tune out the noise around you. Dogs, younger siblings, and ringing phones are all very distracting and difficult to avoid. A good noise-canceling headset will be a huge help in this regard! You’ll be able to preserve both your sanity and your love of those around you.

Are you a stationery person? You’ll know if you are: if browsing in Paperchase seems more interesting than browsing in Topshop; if the delight of every August is buying fresh supplies for September; if you own more blank notebooks for use on some future special occasion than you own filled notebooks that weren’t quite special enough to save.

If you have a desk full of lovely pens, pencils, note-paper, notebooks, stickers and goodness knows what else, now is the time to use them, and delight in them. Write in fancy fountain pen if that sounds like something you’d enjoy; it’s a bad idea to use it in your exam, but being forced to slow down a little when taking notes as you’re studying might help the information sink in better. Cover your notes in stickers if it means you’re more likely to reread them. After all, if it’s not to be used when you have important studying to do, why bother hoarding lovely stationery in the first place?

Although it seems convenient, studying at home can be difficult—procrastination and distraction can happen easily. But with a little bit of planning and organization, it can be an effective (and comfortable) place to study. Try some of these tips for studying at home to help you stay focused and more efficient with your study time.

[chestshot]

A Cautionary Tale of India Pale

Prepare for Trouble, B-Side: A Cautionary Tale of India Pale,

Dark Holes and Transformations, or My Love Affair with xoxo<3Ms. Hopps <3xoxo

 Little children were playing behind me. I was in space. Time was forgiving. Never get caught in a blackout. Some never find their way home. As the streetlights illuminate the path of the righteous, the guardians watch over as we sleep. The beetles and moths have gathered in a procession, to welcome the night. “So, where were you?”  “I was playing in the dark, and I got lost. I had some breadcrumbs, thankfully.”

“This is going to hurt me more than you.” I never understood that logic. “So why can’t I do it to you, like you did it to me?”  “I’m doing this because I love you. Your soul is in danger.” We used to kneel on the bare floor covered in rice.

What is obedience, and what happens when it is forced? Believe in unity. Value brotherhood. Seize any opportunity to join hands. Even as the big hands crush the small hands, like a fist full of lavender flowers. Don’t think so hard. The guardians have done all the thinking for us. Some things do not need an explanation. Guardians discourage the children from scrutinizing every detail. All we need is to believe. Can’t we all just come together as one? If I wanted to find everlasting life, why did I have to lay it down to begin with?

           The Knights of Columbus hosted Sunday breakfast every month. My mother would always hand me a folded dollar bill when the collection basket came by. It was a little secret between our Father and I (Mathew 6:1-4). I was planting a seed for his kingdom, and if we did not fork over the dough, let us just say there was hell to pay.

           The instructor told us that Jesus loved us, so he died on the cross for us. If we loved Jesus, too, we had to love each other. We colored the nativity scene and learned a few prayers. We were taught a theology approved by the Roman Catholic Church, and classes were $25 per child. Those must have been some expensive ass crayons. I was a good boy. Never an altar boy.

           I had refused to help in the family garden in the front yard one time. The bathroom floor was cold on my cheek. The sweat and tears running down my neck fell on the yellow linoleum. My arm, bent around my back. Wrists too tight. Cheeks got so hot that the salt water started to dry up and irritate my skin. Was it worth it? I know it was fucking hot outside. The neighbors can hear. I’ve been getting ass beatings since I was alive. From the guardians, then from bad decisions, and possibly society. Sometimes the floor can become comfortable, waiting for the blackouts to cast a final spell.

           “God helps those that help themselves”®…Is not in the bible!

           The Sunday breakfast consisted of yellow “just add water” scrambled eggs. I was too young for coffee. Pass me the milk. I ate next to a church girl with an intellectual disability. Did God make her like that? I did not know. All I knew was that we were all equally hungry. I felt like all the dark holes in the floor were so much smaller back then. If I stepped on a crack, I could always find my balance, or the guardian would help me till I recuperated.

“Hey guys. Where’s Jesus’s cloths? Yeah… haven’t been able to hit up hot topic since COVID-19.”

           Societies fascination for making atonement. Drink and drive? Dui. Tax evasion? Prison time (unless its some shit like a white-collar crime). $50 dollar fines for parking in front of a fire hydrant, that one time I moved out of my parents’ house and rented a room from some asshole named Evander. Not a child anymore. Learning from experience. If I only learned to come home on time. Nothing good happens after 2 a.m. The dark holes were still manageable. No claws yet. No transformation.  The delinquencies were not ripe. There was not enough blood.

           I helped myself to a glass of orange juice. High pulp. Tart. Almost as refreshing as the forgiveness of sins. Dixie paper cups. An old couple. They must have both been in their eighties. With not much time to live, they both enjoyed the pancakes with light butter. No syrup though. Diabetes. He pulled the chair out for her. He took off her sweater and placed it behind the chair. He wiped his head with a towel, then his mouth. He regained his balance. and shuffled to his own seat. Where had the time gone? Playing with little toy cars and dirt, in the streets of his home country, and now using dentures. There was such an age of trusting that the streetlights were guiding him all along. When he could hear his mother’s voice and know in his heart that the night was near, but only to visit. He led the prayer and they both sat down to share maybe their last breakfast. Listened to your guardians. You might live as long as them.

           One time, Father Manuel unofficially sponsored Mission Tortillas. “Como Dios Manda” literally means “How God Orders” or more precisely “What God Demands of us”. He was calling out the young women who decided club wear for a Sunday mass was appropriate. Father Manuel roasted them. “Esta bien que sea Qinceniera. Pero esta es la casa de Dios.” We were all sinners, but some of us did a better job at hiding it. We were all trying to avoid the transformation. We all needed to love. We just needed time to patch things up.

           Mother Theresa believed that suffering was how you got closer to God. She refused to let some children receive treatment, so naturally, they would die. Bandage them up and throw them in the dirt. Suffering is the polished rock for sharp claws and feasting vultures. This psychic in San Francisco told me that I would be responsible for what I touch and what I know. I did not let him read my palm. I was swimming in ignorance, and the spirit would guide me.

Their little Calcutta souls belonged with the Lord. For a while, I started to believe that I was suffering, and therefore, there was no God. Those little Calcutta souls were all fucked. I think we suffer because we think we must. We like to convince ourselves that it’s all part of some divine plan. We suffer because we all have things we conveniently forget about. We should know better.

It’s not normal to stay up all night. It’s not normal to operate a vehicle under the influence of anything. It’s not normal to lie to the person you are with. It’s not normal to wake up at 3 pm every fucking day. It’s not normal to put things up your nose. It’s not normal to get in the car with a complete stranger. It’s not normal to think that you can live with people for free. It’s not normal to pass out at the bar. It’s not normal to constantly burn bridges. It’s not normal to forget what you did the night before. The blackouts swallowed me alive, over and over and over. I couldn’t see the streetlights. There was no one left to pay for my sins.

Last week, and then the week before, and before that. I lost a part of me. I’ve lost a few parts of me. Like a lot. Who was I? I had checked into the catacomb of wasted ambitions. The creatures of the dark had left. I looked in the mirror and could not accept what I had become. What big claws and teeth. The beer was gone. It was a scared man. No. A big bad wolf. My tail was between my legs. I was pitiful. My drinking career choked on it’s vomit. My guardian told me there was going to be hell to pay.

           I had a dream I was filling up one cup with another cup, like an endless water mill. I’m not sure why I always felt this way. An endless repetition that never ends, like new ideas filling old ones, but never quite arriving at a solution, or like fish eating fish eating fish… Like a two gallon hourglass, constantly being flipped on it’s other end, ass up, face down, full of itself. The air bubbles, trying to escape. The lump in the throat of my life, always sinking into my stomach. The transformation was complete. I was living in a blackout.

           The beta, or Siamese fighting fish, is native to Thailand and Cambodia. You can pick them up at your local swap meet. I used to love going to the Broadacre swap meet after Sunday mass. I got my hands on everything an eight-year-old should never get their hands on: laser pointers, chained wallets, pocket knifes, fart bombs, shock pens, pet’s I wasn’t able to take care of. I’m not sure what the fish were so angry about. Probably from being confined to a tiny ass sandwich bag.

I got my ass kicked in a bar fight once, in 2018. Three against one. I do not remember. I was asking for something that was not on the menu. I was being annoying. Swings broke out like a Florida coastline and faster than you can say Tallahassee’s televised turnout tremendously terrified pterodactyls. Too small. Smack. Too slow. Smack. I fell to the floor, head between my knees. My jeans ripped. All I see is stars. I raised a barstool over my head and threw it against the bar, not sure if it landed on anyone. Always bust out the bar stool when you know you are going to get rocked. I ran out through the front entrance and I called 911. I left my bicycle behind. The cops were nice enough to drive it down to me. They told me that the security guard told them I was trying to buy drugs. I told them it was a hate crime. They told me to go home. I told them I would never go back to that bar again.

           Pigs in a blanket. I think there was bacon. Bacon or sausage. No. I think there were both. I woke up at 6am to eat this at 10am. 10:15 if there was a line. Couldn’t everyone break bread the way we did? Always have to start a fight during a meal. If you’re a man of culture who would prefer to drink their meals, our fists made toasts to live long and pasta. The indigestion was the worst. I could not eat breakfast too early because my stomach lining was sensitive from the binge before. This did not stop me from killing a whole order of carne asada fries at night. I felt the weight of a bowling ball in my diaphragm when I woke up the next morning. Drinking water felt like swallowing marbles. This wasn’t normal. Nap. Bagel. Throw up.

SpaghettiOs. That’s not pasta. That’s an impasta.

           My older sister became an usher at church. She showed everyone to their seats. She wore a sash that said “Orden” or literally “Order”. She asked people if they could scoot over. She made room where people were resting their purses or when someone decided that they needed to sit with their legs wide open. Me and my younger sister always got pinches during service if we were joking around or being distracting. How did the people really bring their kids to church like that? We were so rambunctious!

The dark holes just seem like the better option sometimes.  If the blackout won’t take me now, then maybe tomorrow.

I had never wanted to grow up. I was so afraid that I would grow up to be a man with a wife and a house. I sounded like one of those kids who shits all over “the nuclear family” and the “white picket fence”. I had even said “I don’t want to have kids. I don’t want to bring more suffering into the world.” Then I would roll my eyes, take a puff of my cigarette and be proud of how postmodern I was.

The truth is, I was 26 years old, holding a fucking sign on the corner of Flamingo and Pecos at some Piano Lounge. Nobody wanted to marry me. I was living at my mothers house. I didn’t have a car or a drivers license. I hated everything I didn’t have. I still had my Lagunitas though. 7.1% a bottle meant I got nice and toasty after a six pack.

The Jack and Coke was just a nice butter and marmalade on top. Can’t have a nice toast without some warm butter and tangerine marmalade, raspberry jam. Ex-Pentecostal Holly Roller. I was so mad about that God Shit. I broke bread with my damaged complexion. I was a messy eater, leaving crumbs everywhere. Licking my claws like that racoon from Pocahontas. Like that, but still a big bad wolf…

           I was on my way to the "party bridge" on the Las Vegas strip. I had just got off the bus, after a 6-8 hour shift holding a sign on the corner of Flamingo and Pecos. The job was shit, but it didn’t require much interaction with people. God, I used to hate people.

When I got there, the police were harassing a group of street performers. I like to get faded, and I like to do it on the street. I buy some street performers some beers, ask if I can play a couple of songs on their acoustic guitar, and we get smashed. The police were pissing on my parade and I was not going to let that happen.

I went to the CVS and bought a case of PBR. When I got back to the bridge, I started handing out some cans to the street kids being interrogated. The police told me to stop, and I did not listen. I got arrested for obstructing an officer and resisting arrest. This was probably one of the most punk rock things I ever did in my life. Resisting authority was my raspberry jam. I liked that it made me feel bad to the bone. I felt like even more of a bad ass when I offered the holy spirit into my life, on the rocks with a pickle back shot.

           The police officer put me in handcuffs and took me to the cop car, outside of the Aria. I thought that I was standing up for the street performers. Really, I was just sticking my nose where it did not belong. When I got to the detention center downtown, the nurse asked me some questions. “Do you have a history of cocaine use in your family?” “Tu Madre!” I said. What the fuck did that have to do with anything? Faster than you can say “Pharmaceutical petty punks pretentiously pandered pedestrians” Five correction officers pin me to the wall. One of them had my arm bent behind my back and they were waiting for any reason to snap off my ring finger.

           I stretched out my ear lobes. The holes were wide enough to stick a sharpy permanent marker through. One of the guards whispered in my ear “I like to rip out gauges.” My body went limp. I was going to get ripped apart like a fucking lasagna. “Please don’t do that.” One of the other guards brought in a retainment seat, on wheels. Think of an elementary school chair with straps. The blue ones, or orange, sometimes. Class was in session.

I was wheeled to a retaining room with another inmate who had acted out. He had asked to use the restroom, so he was granted the privilege to defecate. They wheeled him away. I pissed myself. One of the guards came in to get me and realized what I had done. “Son of a bitch.” He said under his breath, realizing that he still had to maintain professionalism. The female officer following him said “Mark.” With disapproval. Fuck authority. I’m still a big bad wolf. Its society that has to change. Do you know who I think I am? I’m no impasta.

           The secret to having a good time is to show up to the bar with a few ounces of hard liquor already in your system. You save money and time. The bartender can never cut you off because they don’t even know what you act like when you’re sober. They’re not aware of the transformation. Pretty soon, I’m the big bad wolf with a bad haircut and jeans my mother bought for me at Ross. I say “LAGUNITAS” and the bartender takes my five. A cautionary tale of India pale: this shit will turn your brain to shit. Shit toast. From a shithole tavern, or Albertsons if I was emo and wanted to drink alone at the park.

           I always went to the bar by myself. I would try and make conversations if I was feeling sociable. The best way to do this was to smoke a cigarette, and let the acquaintances come rolling in. “I’ll tell you a joke for a cigarette” was always a good conversation starter. I would have also accepted “hey man, can I give you a dollar for a cigarette? I left mine at home.” I didn’t always have spare cash, but when I did, I liked to drink around strangers and not feel the isolation covering me, like stars just beyond my reach. Like aircrafts. Black night sky. The tar in community college lungs. Little Red Riding Hood didn’t show up. Probably cause her sisters were talking shit about me. It’s ok. I’m still big and bad.

Drink some water. Jesus fishes. Say a prayer. Missing pieces. Dying wish. Deep dish pizza.

Cheap not-the-real-Bel-Air hotel. Right on the corner of Ellis and Jones. Junkies were chasing dragons in high definition on the sidewalk. God checked out. No housekeeping. Ash tray on the nightstand, some beer cans, and $6.14 in cash. What a splash. Making out with Hopps. She gives my stomach purple ulcer butterflies. Sedates my lungs a car crash plum. Mind calming lavender razorblades cut gently. Her love is a condor. She picks at my liver like silver bullets diving into passion fruit scum.

[mystudyxmotivation]

Study Tip #6 - From School to Studying At Home (Ideas to give your mind a break)

1. Go get a mani/pedi 

It’s time to treat yo’ self. This is good to use as a reward if you’ve been working really hard. Go with a friend or by yourself and relax before you go home and study. 

2. Browse social media

Sit somewhere comfy and set a timer for anywhere between 15-30mins. Catch up on the latest news, gossip etc. Go through those Facebook notifications. Watch that cute dog video. Look at studyblrs for inspiration. 

3. Go for a walk/run/jog/bike ride 

Put your school things away, change into some comfortable clothes and get out into the fresh air. Going for a walk/doing some exercise boosts your endorphins which boosts your happiness so you can be ready to study. 

4. Read a book

This can be an assigned reading or something of your own choosing. (I’d recommend the second option unless you’re really behind). This helps to build up your vocabulary, and is great for mindfulness. 

5. Colouring/Origami 

These are also great for mindfulness. They force your mind to concentrate on doing something creative, and allows your mind to process the events of the day. 

6. Do a long meditation

Do a meditation that lasts for longer than 10 minutes. Allow yourself the time to clear your mind. 

7. Take a nap

Maybe you didn’t get enough sleep the night before, set a timer/alarm for 30 minutes and get some sleep. You’ll wake up feeling refreshed and ready to study. Remember not to oversleep. 

8. Drink some water

Maybe you have a stack of work you have to do, and can’t afford time to lose. That’s okay. As long as it doesn’t happen often. Drink some water. Honestly, if you’re feeling really tired, it may be because you haven’t had enough water. Got a headache? You’re probably dehydrated. Have a ten minute water break before you start your work. 

9. Take a shower

Honestly showers are one of the best inventions. Nothing feels better than getting all nice and clean. It may seem like a lot of effort, but I promise you washing your hair when it’s really greasy feels so so good. It’ll make you feel better, and ready to study. 

[heathergoffrier]

Every Mom Whose Baby Naps Well Knows These 15 Newborn Sleep Cues

Does your new baby fight nap time and get cranky easily? You might be missing these 15 super important newborn sleep cues! Learn them here plus get a free printable guide "How To Start An Infant Sleep Schedule." Click here to download:

It’s the middle of the afternoon and you’ve worked for 45 minutes to get your baby to nap, but she still won’t do it. Yup, I've been there. If you're like me, you've tried every trick for getting newborn to sleep. Now you feel like a failure and are even tempted to nap with your baby, even though you know it's not recommended. But let's face it, you're exhausted! Your baby never seems tired, she doesn't like her crib... what gives?!

What Are You Missing?

Every baby has cranky moments and bad days every once in a while, but if your newborn is always fighting nap time, it’s possible you're missing some subtle but important sleep cues. Newborn sleep cues help you know right when to put baby down for a nap. Like, the exact moment to head for the nursery. And when you get her down in time, she’ll fall asleep much easier, with less fussing and more peaceful relax time for you.  But when you miss that window, you'll have an overtired, cranky and hard-to-get-down baby. No thanks. With a newborn sleep schedule, it's much easier to figure out when your baby might be getting tired. I created a step-by-step guide on "How To Start An Infant Sleep Schedule." Click here to download.

What Are Newborn Sleep Cues?

Newborn sleep cues are the signals every baby sends that show they’re getting tired. Even though she can’t call out, “Mommy I’m tired,” your baby communicates exactly that with her body language.  Don’t believe me? Start to watch your infant like an anteater on an ant hill: Are his hands flopping around more wildly than usual? Is he turning his face away from others? Maybe she rubs her ears or starts to stare off into space. Each of those subtle actions are baby sleep cues that you can use, if you’re on their trail, to get your kiddo to bed faster than a hound dog after a squirrel. RELATED: 17 INSANELY POWERFUL TIPS FOR GETTING NEWBORN TO SLEEP AT NIGHT

How Do Newborn Sleep Cues Help?

Newborn sleep cues help moms in the following ways: 1- You’ll know when to put your baby down for a nap. It’s likely that your baby will show sleep cues way before you expect him to. But when you see that he's signaling “I’m tired,” you can know with confidence that it’s time for him to zonk out. 2- Using sleep cues makes it easier for baby to fall asleep. When you use newborn sleep cues, you'll be able to catch your baby in her perfect “sleep window.” A baby's sleep window is when she's most primed to go to sleep easily. Miss that window, and you’ll have a fussy, worked up and overtired baby on your hands. So much harder to put down! But if you capitalize on the signals your baby gives, you can swoop her up and sneak her back to her cozy crib for some sweet dreaming. By getting her tucked into bed, you'll be helping her give in to her own body clock that's saying it's time to rest. 3- Less stress for mom What mom wouldn’t love spending less time getting their newborn down for a nap, while needing to use less soothing and less shushing? All that equals more time for eating an actual meal, catching up on cleaning, or folding tiny adorable baby laundry while watching Fixer Upper reruns. Yassss! 4- WOW others with your baby whispering abilities Since not everyone knows these tips to get baby to sleep, some might object to you taking baby away. For example, when you scoop baby up and declare “it’s bedtime,” Great Aunt Wanda who’s visiting might protest and question whether her little sweetie pie is ready for a nap. But you’ll be able to return with a smile and a wink (without baby) after successfully getting your little one down for a peaceful siesta. 

How Long Should I Expect Baby To Be Awake Before Showing Sleep Cues?

When you first get baby home from the hospital, you’ll have a great opportunity to start studying your newborn. You'll notice right away how long he stays awake after eating. For brand new tykes, it's usually just a few minutes, or sometimes not at all! With all the snuggles and sleeping day and night, you’ll be hyper aware of his awake time. Use those times to watch carefully for any signs that he's getting tired (see the list of newborn sleep cues below!) A good rule of thumb for baby’s awake time during the first two months is between 0-60 minutes, with the minutes lengthening out by age. It depends of course on whether he was born early or late, how much he weighs, and personality factors too. But in general, your baby should be back down for a nap after one hour of being up. That includes feeding time! (And yes, I know that sometimes early nursing periods can be 45+ minutes. My oldest was a slow eater, almost drove me bananas!) RELATED: WHEN IS THE BEST TIME TO START AN INFANT SLEEP SCHEDULE? Logging Baby's Sleep And Activities Helps You Become Aware Of Sleep Cues For help in knowing when to expect baby to start acting tired, it’s a good idea to log your baby’s routine, at least for the first few weeks. If yesterday he was awake for 30 minutes after lunch, you know to pay closer attention to any sleep cues he starts dishing out today around that time. You'll be amazed at how a gentle and flexible newborn baby schedule can help you predict what baby wants and needs next. By logging their activities, you'll be able to work with your baby's current habits to help them get regular naps and even lengthen out night sleep! Talk about way less stress! I break down exactly how to start a sleep schedule in my step-by-step guide of the same name. Click here to download.

Don't you love it when they're so tiny and sleepy they'll zonk out pretty much anywhere? If only it could last! And here's the moment we've all been waiting for! Introducing,

The 15 Most Common Newborn Sleep Cues

Blank stares, eyes glazingBeing less wigglySlowing down, more calmStopping making noises, being quieterLess interactiveSucking is weaker or slowerDisengaging or avoiding eye contactPulling away from othersRed around the eyesYawningRubbing eyesHas a Sleepy lookStarts to get fussy, hard to keep happyCryingWaving and jerking limbs around We hope you enjoy the products we recommend!  This post may contain affiliate links. That means we get a portion of the commission if you click through and make a purchase, but you don't pay a cent more. Thank you for supporting our small business as we strive to help you rock mom life! What To Do After Seeing A Sleep Cue According to Tracy Hogg who wrote, "Secrets Of The Baby Whisperer," it's vital to get your baby into bed "by the third yawn." That's the advice I've always followed, and it's never let me down. Once I started seeing sleep cues, I would dance her back to her private retreat center in her pack n play or crib. Then I'd change her diaper, get her all tucked into a swaddle or sleep sack (or Baby Merlin's Sleep Suit-- don't knock it till you've tried it!) and she would conk out.

Isn't this the cutest little puffball you've ever seen? (I know, I'm biased!) Cues That Baby is Overtired As you get to know your baby's sleep cues, you'll also become familiar with her cues for being overtired. Because while we all have the best intentions for getting them down by the third yawn, sometimes it's not possible. Maybe you're at a social gathering and you can't get away. (Not likely during these strange times, but someday maybe that will be a reality!) Or you just don't want to pause your show quite yet, or you're finally getting the chance to talk to your spouse and catch up. Whatever the reason, overtired happens. Here's how you can recognize it: wailing, intense cryingClenched fistsArching back Dropping off to sleep rapidly with barely any wake time (unless brand spankin' new) After these "wonderful" actions from your baby, you'll be more likely to capitalize on those early sleep cues and get baby down for a nap pronto the next time! RELATED: 7 NEWBORN BABY SCHEDULE MISTAKES TO AVOID

In The Heat Of The Moment 

So when you've tried every trick in the book, and you're tempted to feel like failure, STOP for a sec and think: I'm NOT a failure, I'm learning and I will get through this!What sleep cues might I have missed?Remember to look for sleep cues after the next feeding cycle (put a sticky note next to your nursing chair)Look back over this list to refresh your memory-- just take a screen shot or pin this post! You can do this mama! Be patient-- as you learn your baby's language and cues, you'll start to recognize her sleep window. Spotting it will make it that much easier to help her fall asleep, and in the meantime, you'll be able to enjoy getting to know your sweet little one!

For my exact steps for starting a newborn baby routine, you can get my free printable guide "How To Start An Infant Sleep Schedule." Click here to download.

The "Newborn Sleep" Series

This is the fifth post in my "Newborn Sleep" Series. Be sure to check out the other posts in the series and stay tuned for new additions! When Is The Best Time To Start An Infant Sleep Schedule?  How To Start A 3-Week-Old Baby Sleep Routine 7 Newborn Baby Schedule Mistakes To Avoid 17 Insanely Powerful Tips For Getting Newborn To Sleep At Night Every Mom Whose Baby Naps Well Knows These 15 Newborn Sleep Cues (this post) Read the full article