#then mum called and said she cant pick me up (i said this would happen last week)

[domesticated-pirate]

happy one year anniversary of My Mum Saying The Worst Part Of My Grandma's Funeral Was Not Burying Her But The Fact That I Was There And She Wished I Hadn't Gone To The Funeral At All to me

[crystlizabeth]

The Riley household dealing with a complication at school.

The girls are about 7-8! All children are oc!

Just watch this video https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT89KHjBj/

Simon and you having to talk to Sa’diya and Zhuri because Diya has been getting bullied and Zhuri is not having it but her sister won’t tell her the girls name. Now you sit in the living room in front of the two girls your oldest son watching from the side, laughing her and there not helping the situation.

“Zhuri you don’t need to be fighting nobody.” You spoke to your daughter.

“What is it?” Zhuri asked speaking over her mother as well as ignoring her. Sa’diya sitting next to her looking as her mom with teary eyes Simon sitting on the table as he watch you with the girls.

“Zhuri love, look at me.” Simon spoke trying to get her out of Diyas face.

Zhuri side-eyed her father looking straight back as her twin, “Sy what is her name.” Zhuris tone stern.

The look Simon received caused Elijah to laugh covering his mouth when his parent looked at their 15 year old. “What Z is standing on business.”

You signed “mmhm I know but if she fights one more little girl the have to change schools.” You whipped your face.

“The all deserved it though mama, they’re lil brats.” ‘Lijah spoke his arms falling over his chest.

“Listen Diya nobody should bully you like, you’re such a smart girl beautiful girl baby, don’t let those lil shits words get to your head.” You spoke looking at her, he giving you a small nod.

Simon though Zhuri had ever right to act like this somebody was billing her sister as she wasn’t standing for it. Sa’diya was never good with words or ever felt like she could speak up despite how you and him were raising the girls. So Zhuri did it for her.

“What is her name!”

“Zhuri you cant be in her face like that love.” You spoke, Diyas teary eyes looking at her sister.

“She won’t tell me her name.” Zhuri mumbling sitting forward now out of her face, her dark eyes never met yours, only glanced at Simon.

“Why do you wanna know her name love?” Simon asked.

The little girl didn’t answer him, let’s just say it was a long night thw though the would have to discuss it the next day again. But when Simon got a call from the school that he need to come pick up his daughters because of an incident.

Now here we are on the couch again Zhuri with a little smile on her face kicking her feet, she was pleased with herself. Diya was also smiling.

“Okay tell your mum what happened.” Simon said standing next to you his hand on your waist. He could feel your stress poor out of your pours.

“You’re not in trouble Zhuri, what happened.” You spoke.

“Umm well, I tried not to tell Ari that girl name, but she found out and went over to that girl, and she went over and caped her..” Sa’diya spoke, “she told her ‘don’t you touch my sister no more.’” She finished.

Zhuri from the side of her speaking up “And I would do it again!” She said a fat grin on her face.

You couldn’t help but giggle “Zhuri okay.. oh my god.. what was the lil girls name.” You chuckled, the two boy around you laughing.

“Stormy, and I made sure to show her the true storm.”

“Girl bye. You showed her the storm.” You laughed.

“Mmhm.. so dose this mean I don’t have to go to school tomorrow.” She asked. You looked at your husband leaving this part to him because you couldn’t be serious with her right now after what she said.

“No, but you still are doing school work at home.” Simon spoke earning a groan from her.

“Looks like you’ll be going to school with Aliyah,” he spoke.

“YAY! and we’ll get to see uncle Johnny more too!”

Simon chuckled taking the girls in his arms when the came over to him. He never taught them to resorted to violence but he never opposed to it and Zhuri was a fighter and a girl who hated seeing the people she loved be brought down, so he might have told Zhuri this was an exception.



[yourtouchismidas]

hiii i was thinking about a blurb about teenage gigi getting into a fight with her best friends and non of them showing at her sleepover, but Matty and the guys insist of having the sleepover instead, making her extremely happy <3

omg it's giving the best day by taylor swift second verse and chorus and i'm living for it.

i think maybe gigi is just thirteen, and she is in that age where she is navigating transitioning from a child to an adult and she's awkward and sad and she drums for long periods of time in her room and listens to moody music, but still occasionally is caught playing dolls with her sisters, making up elaborate stories.

since starting secondary school, you and matty have been slightly concerned about some of the girls she is hanging out with. she still has her friends who she moved up with from primary, but she talks more about claire now and a girl called neveah and another called isla. claire has been round for tea once, and she didn't say please or thank you at the dinner table and matty overheard her make fun of gigi's bedroom, asking why she still had a taylor swift poster up in her room, and if she was a baby.

but you both let it be. because she is finding her own way. and you know, with gigi's nature, if you said she shouldnt be hanging out with those girls, then she would want to do it even more. she begs you to let all three of them sleep over, and because she has been to all three of theirs now you feel its your turn so you relent. you pack shay and valley off to george and charli's for the night, and the twin's go to matty's mum, as gigi says that her and her friends will probably want to stay up late and be loud.

then gigi comes home from shopping in town, where you dropped her off to meet the other girls before the sleepover, and she is alone. she bowls through the door and slams it and runs up to her room before you even register she is home.

you're on the phone with denise about the twins and so you gesture at matty to head up, which he already is doing.

he knocks gently on the door, where he hears sad music inside. she doesnt answer so he lets her know he is coming in and then opens the door. she is lying in the middle of her bed, bag slung down, and staring at the ceiling.

"you okay baby?"

"yep," she says.

"where are your friends?"

"not coming."

"why?" he says. he sits down on the edge of her bed. she doesnt move her eyes from the ceiling, where there are still patches from the glow in the dark stars she took down recently. matty still has them in his bedside table, in case she ever wanted to put them back up.

"they hate me," she says.

"no they don't love," he says. "how could they hate you? you're wonderful."

this when she breaks and starts crying, although she pretends she isn't and quickly wipes her face with the back of her arm.

"what happened, baby? talk to dad."

"we played this game where we had to pick out an outfit for one of our friends, and i got claire and i picked her something nice but then she got all mad at me and said it was babyish and that i was trying to make her look like a baby like me. then i said she was being a twat and she got all offended and was like, i dont have to hang out with you you know, and then i said, well dont then and she was like, well i'm going home and she did and i thought the other girls would come with me but they didnt either, they all went to claires. without me."

"oh dear," matty says. he hates claire and her stupid little nose and the dots she draws in the corner of her eyes and the way she tuts when something isn't good enough. "claire doesn't seem like the nicest of girls."

"she's so nice. she's so nice most of the time but then she'll randomly do shit like this. and you just... dont know when it's gonna happen. like. it's like a puzzle i cant solve."

"its not your job to solve, babe," he says.

"what am i going to do?"

"you dont have to hang out with her you know. rosie and gemma are nice. and..."

"no i mean, tonight" gigi says, crying. she rolls over and puts her head in her pillow. "i'm supposed to be having a sleepover. and the girls are all at nana's or george's now. and i'm going to be alone."

she wails. matty puts his hand on her back.

"baby you're never alone. you've got me."

he goes downstairs to update you, while gigi cries, and you book cinema tickets and a reservation at pizza express and you send her the confirmation emails over text. you wait to hear the music go off and the door crack open and then she appears, not really saying anything, and you ask, "you ready?"

"mum and gigi and dad's night of fun!" matty says.

"i look like a mess," gigi says. so you take her upstairs and wipe her face with a hot towel and then put some make up on her and some cute slides in her hair. she picks an outfit and she looks perfect, matty thinks, halfway between an adult and a little girl, which is what she is, and that's fine, no matter what fucking little shits at her school think.

you all go and get pizza and gigi laughs as matty curls spaghetti into his mouth from above it and rolls her eyes. you sip coke and share popcorn in the cinema, gigi wedged between you, watching a PG13.

when you get home, matty makes a fort in the living room with loads of pillows and fairy lights, and you watch another movie on the telly, while you paint gigi's nails and then she paints yours and matty's. you dont mention her sisters the entire night. or her friends. it's just the three of you.

at the end of the movie you lie back in the fort and look up at the fairy lights.

"thanks," gigi says, "you're my best friends really."

she then tells matty to get a grip when he tears up about this.

"these lights remind me of when i had those stars in my room. i took them down because claire thought they were for babies. stupid right?" she chuckles. then "i wish i still had them."

that's what you do until bedtime, the three of you, standing on gigi's bed, listening to taylor swift and fixing the glow in the dark stars to the marks in the ceiling, finding the right one to the right mark like a jigsaw. after, you all climb under gigi's duvet, and fall asleep, tucked up together, with the stars looking down over all three of you.

[chumpmagump]

dear mum & dad

TW; mention of abuse

Dear mum and dad,

I don’t hate you for how I grew up, I despise you for the lack of accountability, apology or any expressed regret for how it was. What am I thinking writing this right now. I have no capacity.

Dad why were you violent and screamed and threw things and strangled my mother against the wall in our Sydney home? Why have you entered a marriage now where none of that happens?  Does she know how you were?  Im happy for you but I think your deceiving her by keeping the full truth from how you were. I know you were not happy and you stayed with mum because of us kids, but at what cost. I struggle to trust any man that enters my life and I seem to keep attracting emotionally avoidant partners, much like how you were. You did your best. But it wasn’t enough and I carry the scars for the rest of my life and you should have been finding ways to make it up to me.a phone call once every few months doesn’t really cut it. why couldn’t we have talked about this. Why do you continue to put mum down yet take no responsibility for the harm you caused her and macros and i.

Mum, you’ve been scarred from the men you dated. I get that. You have been so desperate for connection you’ve put it above your own children again and again again. You’ve let people outstay their welcome and you’ve let yourself hurt. You don’t have to keep living in that cycle. You can at any moment decide you and your kids are too valuable to have any man interfere with your lives. Theres only so much time you have to play victim before you and your family really do become another statistic. I believe dad coud have killed you, and I think Andrew could too. Do what you will with that. I have always been hard on you because you have those kids in your care, if this was just you I would leave you alone. You are an adult to make your own choices. But as soon as  you have kids you give up the right to put yourself first and you need make those kids feel loved and safe and appreciated. Imogen looks like a shell, her whole body curls up around her shoulders. That’s trauma. That’s what the body does. Your back looks much the same. So did mine until I rid everyone that wasn’t providing any support.  Give her a hug, give her many. Give her what you couldn’t give me back then. Because you were so beaten down. Make it different this time. You have the power.

I will always be there to help you of getting rid of men. To the day I die I don’t care how fragile out relationship is I will house you and help you on your feet if it means you can change your life and theirs. I have always said that.  I will never use my help against you. But you cant tell me youre going to overdose because of me, and you cant scream at me because your in pain , and you cant tell me I should have called docs on my own father when I was small child. I wont accept any more abuse from you or my dad. In fact you would call me outside to help you not have dad abuse the animals , and when I didn’t come because I was so scared you blamed me. You blamed me as a young child. You do know children rely on their parents to keep them safe. Not the other way around. I wont tolerate you blaming me any more.

The amount of times ive picked myself up the floor or gotten myself home safe contemplating leaving this world, because I felt the pains of what I went through and the fact neither of you can really support me the way I need – countless. I got myself to where I am on my own. I rescued that small child that didn’t have anyone to turn to because to her everyone who loved her hurt her, would love one minute would hurt the next.  I rescue her every time she wants to leave this world. I thank you for your shelter and keeping me alive. You loved the way you only knew how. Please go to therapy and develop a relationship to yourself. There has to be someone deep inside that is hurting immensey to be able to hurt others the way you have. I go to therapy to deal with my trauma. Im 27 years old and I want to be known I needed to send this. I don’t care if you choose to dodge accountability, if you blame each other, I needed to say this for me.  

[noforkingclue]

Can u pls do a umbrella academy with dark!reginald x reader? Where u r his wife but ur human. U dont love him but u cant leave him. U love the children n they loves u. Even if u want to leave him, u cant abandon the children. Grace still exist to help u with the children. What happen next is up to you. Thanks in advance.

So I mainly focused on the post-Reginald death relationship between you and the family.

Hope you enjoy!

Title: New Found Freedom

Warnings: dark, mentions of an abusive relationship

You put your teacup on the table and folded your hands on your lap. You looked around the silent hall and brushed down the skirt of your black dress. You pursed your lips as you twiddled your thumbs as you waited. You were used to being on your own but what you weren’t used to was silence.

“Your cup is empty Mrs Hargreeves. Would you like me to refill it?”

You blinked slowly, realising that someone was speaking to you. You looked up at the smiling figure of Grace. Her expression softened at your blank face and she picked up the teapot and poured you a fresh cup. You looked down at it, watching the swirling steam blankly.

“It must be hard,” she said, “Loosing a husband.”

“Right.”

“All alone in this big house.”

“I have you.”

“Of course, Mrs Hargreeves.”

“Don’t… don’t call me that.”

“Then what shall I call you?”

You opened your mouth to respond but before you could a familiar voice called out,

“Mum?”

You jumped at the sound of Diego’s voice and looked towards the door. He bolted towards you and just as you were about to stand up he wrapped his arms around you.  You froze in his arms before slowly returning his hug. Your fingers tangled in his hair as he buried his head against your shoulder. You frowned slightly when you felt your shoulder getting wet.

“It’s ok to cry,” you said as you stroked his hair, “Your father-“

“I don’t care about him,” he said, “It’s you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah,” his grip tightened briefly, “He shouldn’t have had to die for you to be free.”

“Free?”

“You’re free Mum. You’re finally free of that bastard.”

“I’m… free…”

“Yeah.”

Diego pulled away as realisation slowly dawned. He had told you to leave many times before but you never had the strength. Where would you go if you left Reginald? Who would look after the children if you had gone?

“Where are the others?” you asked, snapping out of your thoughts

Diego grimaced and folded his arms. Grace had walked away and you glared at your son.

“You know where Luther is,” he said, “Perfect golden boy.”

“Now isn’t the time.”

“Allison is here as well. Klaus is as here as much as he can be.”

Your face fell again and you slumped back against the sofa. You ran a hand over your face as you wondered what you were going to do about Klaus.

“And V-“

“Don’t,” Diego said through clenched teeth, “Don’t talk about them.”

“Right. Five?”

Diego just shook his head. You sighed and looked back down at your hands. You wished your children got along better. You tried so hard but all of your efforts were in vain. The more yot tried to make them get along, the further they seemed to drift apart.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

Diego reached across and grabbed your hand.

“Dad manipulated all of us. You most of all. You should’ve left him when you had the chance.”

“I couldn’t. You know that.”

“Why?”

“Because you needed me.”

“We could’ve-“

“Diego,” you cupped his cheek and pressed a kiss against his forehead, “You needed me. You needed a mother and I couldn’t leave any of you. I loved you so much. I didn’t want to leave any of you.”

“Even after everything he did to you.”

“I don’t want to talk about that.”

“But-“

“Please Diego.”

Diego nodded but you could tell he wasn’t happy about it. All of your children did their best to protect you but it wasn’t always successful. In fact, more often than not, it was a massive failure and you were left to face Reginald’s wrath. The door banged open and you jumped at the sudden noise. You looked over as Klaus stumbled into the room. He looked shocked to see you as you stood up and ran towards him, pulling him into a tight hug.

“Mum?” he said weakly

“Oh Klaus,” you said, “I missed you.”

“I…”

You had never seen Klaus lost for words before and your amused look snapped him out of it. He gave you a bright smile and said,

“Mum. Five is back.”

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

How Bad is Sia’s “Music” really?

I watched it illegally (because there was no way I was paying for that bullshit) and found out. It’s not as bad as we thought... It’s worse.

TW for ableism, Sia, drugs, alcohol, just in general a terrible movie, meltdowns, blackface

Literally the first thing you hear while they’re showing the production companies is THOSE stereotypical noises. If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ll know what I mean.

And yes, she does this for the WHOLE fucking movie

What was the need to show her in her underwear? Maddie Ziegler was 14 when this was made, so what was the need??? And why did Sia prolong the scene by having her hitting herself?

Less than a minute in and my reaction was already “what the fuck is this shit?”

So the opening number not only had stereotypical exaggerated facial expression, it has Maddie in BLACKFACE?!? And with culturally appropriated hair?!?

The exaggerated facial expressions are literally constant and I took photos during the film to show it, more later, but I’ll keep mentioning it

ITS LITERALLY THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME SHE IS ON SCREEN

Even her way of walking is fucking offensive, Jesus Christ

The vocalisations just had me cringing so hard, I cannot describe how awful it made me feel

Why do all the neighbours need to be paid off and help her when she goes for a walk? I don’t-

Yes, by about the five minute mark I was already seriously debating all my life decisions. It was that bad.

Kate Hudson really didn’t give a fuck that her grandma died

I will keep saying it but WHY are the facial expressions/vocalisations CONSTANT?!! Literally they do not stop at all. I work with a child who is actually similar to this in that he’s nonverbal and he makes similar noises/faces, but the way they’re in this movie is so over-exaggerated?!? And even the kid I work with doesn’t do it 24/7?!?

Sia, calling your characters Zu and Music doesn’t make them interesting in the slightest. They’re still painfully terrible and one dimensional

Literally ONE minute after being left alone with her autistic sister, Zu calls the mental health service asking if they could “theoretically” “pick up” her sister?!? Like she wants to get rid of her already?!?

“A magical little girl” - autism isn’t a magical power?!? And Music is a young woman, not a little girl?!? Why are you infantilising her?!?

Okay I’m not being funny but this choreography is NOT hard. ANYONE can do it, so claiming that you needed to hire a dancer to be Music because of the numbers is literally bullshit (and even so, there are so many amazing autistic actors and dancers?!?)

20 minutes in and I wanted to give up

So she had her first meltdown because her hair didn’t get braided immediately and that’s... certainly interesting??

The fact that Leslie Odom’s character says “I’m going to crush you now”?!?

AND THEN HE FUCKING PICKS HER UP AND FULL-BODILY PINS HER DOWN ONTO THE FLOOR

“I’m crushing her with my love” - oh fuck you, just fuck you

So Sia lied, the restraint scenes were NOT removed and there was no warning. She’s a fucking POS liar

I have no idea why he’s called Ebo or why he has such a cliche African accent?!? I might have missed out on why because I was busy trying not to bang my head into the table while I watched this film but just... yikes

“He (his brother) liked to be held” - YEAH, HELD. NOT FUCKING CRUSHED

“He is dead now” - IM NOT FUCKING SURPRISED IF YOU CRUSHED HIM LIKE THAT

The constant babying and patronizing of the autistic character is so exhausting to watch. I’m so tired

“Planning on sending her to the people pound but I guess I’ll keep her a little longer” - SHE WAS JOKING BUT THAT WAS NOT EVEN REMOTELY A FUNNY JOKE. NOT EVEN IN AN AWKWARD WAY

STOP THE FACES IM-

^ YEAH, Sia, totally a fucking love letter to the autistic community here ^

So Zu finds this necklace she made as a kid that had a little dog on it, and she says to Music, “He had seizures too, just like you”... MELTDOWNS AND SEIZURES ARE NOT EVEN REMOTELY THE SAME FUCK THIS MOVIE-

It’s like Sia is trying to make the movie funny but it’s really not at all

Is Zu implying that Music is autistic because the mum was a junkie?!?

For real though, the dialogue in general is so fucking awful and cringey. Whoever wrote this should never be allowed to write again

Did she seriously leave her autistic sister alone to talk to who I’m presuming was her dealer or loan shark?!?

Also why is he - a white dude - wearing cornrows?!?

So who is the film really about? The autistic girl or the older sister saviour? I think we all know the answer to that one

WHY IS SHE WALKING AROUND WITH HER TEETH JUTTING OUT LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME

The musical numbers are literally so painful to watch. The overly bright colours, the flashing... my eyes were hurting and so was my brain

Autism representation aside for a second, the musical numbers/choreography are all fucking atrocious. Ditto for the costumes

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WERE THE PINK OOMPA LOOMPA FRUIT THINGS?!? THEY LOOK LIKE THE PINK VERSIONS OF VIOLET BEAUREGARDE THE BLUEBERRY

I wanted to cry by this point, this movie is far more awful than I thought

“I’m not saying she doesn’t want to change, I’m saying she can’t” - FUCK YOU. Why is it okay for him to assume what she can or can’t do

Can I just say that autistic people aren’t constantly in a coked up wonderland state?!! We don’t see the world as a wonderland fantasy world 24/7?!!

“She can hear you from two rooms away” / *shows her listening through two brick walls to a conversation* — Also, we don’t have super fucking sonic hearing?? WE CANT HEAR THROUGH FUCKING BRICK WALLS?!?

“She can understand everything you’re saying to her” - she’s autistic not fucking deaf

Less than 45 minutes in, there’s another meltdown in the park

“I’m not climbing on top of a small screaming white girl in public” - yeah please fucking don’t

So Zu fucking pins her down with her weight 🤦‍♀️

“She doesn’t know who she’s hitting” - IM SORRY WHAT

EBO LITERALLY SAID “TREAT HER LIKE A BEAR” when talking her through the prone restraint, I fucking CANNOT

“Tell her she’s safe” - NOT IF YOU FUCKING RESTRAIN HER LIKE THAT SHE IS NOT

The fact that she gets up, smiling and happy after a meltdown and immediately is excited to get a snow cone... I can honestly say that after a meltdown, I am in no way happy or smiling. I am often not very verbal and I’m withdrawn/not myself for at least several hours, usually the rest of the day. Fuck this film

This film is literally just about Zu, and Music is there for a plot device to give her character development. That’s all she’s there for.

Love how Sia shoehorned Zu being suicidal in there. You know, just to try and make her more easy to sympathize with (it doesn’t work)

This film is literally just a 1 hour 47 minute Sia music video with ZERO plot

WHY WERE THEY WEARING PILLOW DIAPERS IN ONE NUMBER-

I really did not feel into the side plot with that guy who was fighting but it was still better than the actual movie so...

I am SO DONE with the NON STOP CONSTANT vocal shit. So tired.

LOJ’s only role in this film is to be the stereotypical wise black guy who assists a white woman’s story. There’s like hardly any other depth there

The Ebo/Zu romance is so fucking stupid and pointless and out of NOWHERE. I couldn’t even tell if they were into each other or not

I was already so bored of the musical numbers by this point. They added NOTHING to the plot but they pretended they did, and I was so over it. And it’s not because I’m not “creative enough” or anything to understand, I love musicals and I think it could have been cool if done right... but it wasn’t. They were a mess. It’s just bad.

Sia really tried to pretend her movie was deep but really it’s a shallow mess

So Zu is meeting rich drug clients and says to Music “try not to have one of your freak outs up there” and “if you could try to get it out now”... FUCKING YIKES. It’s not an on/off button, shut the fuck up

YEP THIS WAS THE SIA CAMEO FUCK THAT BITCH

The fact that she just calls “DRUG DEALER?!? DRUG DEALER IS THAT YOU”, fucking end this please-

I fucking hate this bitch I’m dead serious

“We’re gonna send them to Haiti cause there’s been an earthquake. All these buildings fell down, children’s bones were dislocated” - WHY WAS SHE SO CHEERFUL ABOUT IT

“Gonna buy a shit load of pain meds, gonna but them on my private plane” - FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU

“Pop stars without borders” - Sia thinks she’s so clever but I would give anything to punch her I swear-

ANOTHER MUSICAL NUMBER JUST STOP IM BEGGING YOU

There’s this awkward conversation/bit with Zu and her drug dealer/loanshark about his outfit that was clearly meant to be funny but was just flat and painful

Yep, Sia really showed Music eating chewing gum off the underside of a park bench. Of course.

Look, the kid I work with does similar stuff by putting literally anything and everything in his mouth but like... why would you put that in your movie?

And there’s no indication before this that Music puts everything and anything in her mouth, she just randomly decides to get on her knees, under the bench and eat chewing gum, like she calculates that it’s there and gets it???

She has a THIRD meltdown after an allergic reaction to a bee sting and her sister just yells at her before realizing... I’m not here for this movie, I feel like I drifted off and was not really there

So Zu got angry because she left the drugs at the park but she’s not that upset that her sister had an allergic reaction???

Zu gets absolutely drunk because a) she lost Sia’s drugs and b) she’s stressed out by her autistic sister... wow, great message, Sia!

She really fucked off and left her sister alone to go clubbing/on a bender

The less said about the musical number here the better

Sia’s movie also checks the box of having stereotypical Asian parents, specifically stereotypical Asian dad being harsh/angry and hitting his wife!

ALSO HE PUSHED AND KILLED HIS SON WTF IS HAPPENING

Less than 3 minutes after the last, there’s a musical number that I think was about this side character going to heaven... another shitty Sia-esque number

The patterns during the number made my brain hurt.

Also there are so many autistic actors who can also dance, and yet Sia chose the neurotypical one because ✨ N E P O T I S M ✨

I just want to know how it was deemed necessary to show the fact the autistic character peed/wet herself? I mean... ??? It’s just so undignified and not at all necessary to the plot. Nothing happens after that, it just moves onto the next scene and it didn’t do anything

“I have no one” - 1) YOUR FUCKING SISTER. 2) GEE I FUCKING WONDER WHY, couldn’t be that you’re a shitty human being?!?

There’s a scene where Music is walking and she does ALL the stereotypical behaviours at once... just YIKES

Zu somehow stopped another meltdown just by grabbing Music by the shoulders and sitting her down???

Aaand yep. Another shitty musical number

Zu really goes to put her sister in a fucking facility and claims it’ll be “better for her” - BULLSHIT. Better for Zu, maybe, not Music.

Ah yes - the girl who the characters have said has problems with routines being changed/change in general... you’re now going to fuck up her routine by dumping her in a facility. Perfect Plan.

The nonverbal autistic girl suddenly speaking to say “don’t go” - you can just predict it from the off, can’t you?

Love that as soon as Music starts talking, Zu is like “fuck it, I’ll keep her!”

Zu really went and crashed Ebo’s brothers wedding... in a fucking bralette... YIKES

“I almost gave Music away” - SHE IS NOT A DOG YOU DONT GIVE PEOPLE AWAY

“We should sing a song” - PLEASE DO FUCKING NOT

Also that kiss/romance montage between Zu and Ebo was the CRINGIEST fucking shit ever

This movie seems to be implying that Music has locked in syndrome or something, like she’s locked in her own head or whatever it’s called, and I just... *sigh*

Oh and now Music magically fucking sings in a room FULL of strangers... this is literally embarrassing, please let this end

I mean it, this movie was fucking painful to watch on ever level

She got a service dog puppy which... okay?

Oh look, it’s the only decent song on the soundtrack but with an absolutely shitty over-stimulatory music video with the credits!

I can only name 5 characters in this film. Maybe 7 at a push, but even then I would be guessing

AND YEP SHE THANKED AUTISM SPEAKS OVER THE CREDITS. FUCK YOU SIA 🖕🏻

Let me reiterate: this is a movie about a neurotypical former drug addict whose character development comes from the autistic character, from having an autistic sister she has to take care of. I’m so tired.

We are NOT plot devices or tools for character development. Not once does anyone in this film treat Music like a human being - she’s treated as a burden, a problem, and then like a pet that they decide to keep. Not once is the film focused on how she is feeling - it’s always about Zu or Ebo. The performance itself was so over exaggerated and it made me want to cry when I watched it because this is how the world sees us, and this movie will make it ten times worse. It’s stuff like this that made me think “I don’t want to be labelled as autistic because people will think I’m a certain way”, that made me wait so long before going to the GP to get a referral.

As I said, poor autistic representation aside, the movie is just so appallingly bad. It truly is one of the worst films I’ve watched. If you’re going to watch it, please don’t - or, if you want to because you want to see how bad it is/to raise awareness/critical posts, at least do it illegally. Do not give Sia your money.

[brelione]

Now That You’re Gone (The Best Boys)

Series Masterlist

NOT MY GIF

warnings:mentions of drugs, death, not proof read.also im pretty sure this is the longest chapter in the series.

 You didnt really remember coming back inside, waking up on the kitchen floor with your phone playing some random playlist.You slowly got up, looking into the living room.Rafe and Kelce were missing, Topper on the floor with his legs on the couch, drool on his chin.

You groaned, stumbling upstairs. “Kelce?”You called out, wondering if he had left. “WHAT?”He shouted from your bedroom, holding one of your pillows to his chest. “Nothing.”You replied, opening the door of the guest room as you searched for Rafe.

He was half asleep, eyes closing every couple of seconds as he stared at his phone, not even unlocking it yet. “Rafe?”You asked.He hummed, opening his eyes all the way. “Wha??”He asked, clearing his throat. “Just making sure you’re awake.”You replied, making your way back downstairs.

You didnt even question why Kelce was sleeping on your bed or why Topper was sleeping in the position that he was.It didnt seem that weird to you.But you couldnt understand why you had woken up on your kitchen floor with your phone playing music, feeling how hot the screen was.It had to have been playing for hours.You went to your texts, frowning when you saw a whole conversation that you couldnt recall having.

Unknown:She passed away this morning, the service is gonna be in mid august in venice.

You:What’d she pass from?

Unknown:Stroke.

You:Why is the service going to be so far from now?

Unknown:Cremation

You:wtf she never wanted cremation

Unknown:Thats what she said she wanted

You didnt need any context to know exactly what he was talking about.You werent surprised either, not feeling anything.You werent even shocked.You just sat there for a minute, letting out a sigh before checking all your other notifications.

Money was being transferred into your bank account, already having an additional 30k.You didnt even want to go to the funeral, it was stupid anyways.She had just left you like the selfish bitch she was.You got off the floor, going back up into your room.Kelce was more awake now, sitting up and scrolling through his instagram.

 “You okay?”He asked, noticing how you were walking a bit sideways almost like you were drunk.You hummed, opening your drawers and pulling out the first thing you saw.You quickly pulled off the shirt you were already wearing, too tired and disoriented to care that you werent wearing anything under it and that you were covered in hickies.

Kelce shriekedk, burying his face into the pillow.You ignored him, pulling on some baggy jeans. “Are you done?”He asked, voice muffled by the pillow. “My mom’s dead.”You replied, shrugging your shoulders.He frowned, looking up at you and studying your face, trying to figure out if you were serious.

 “Im sorry, sunshine.You okay?”He asked, opening his arms.You nodded, hugging him. “Yeah...its just...I dont know, is its bad that I dont miss her?It just feels wrong.”You admitted.Kelce nodded, understanding. 

“No, no, its fine, babes.She wasnt in your life that much so its totally normal.I think its good that you’re not upset, it means that you let go of that toxic part of your life.”He squeezed your shoulder lightly.You nodded, not sure if you believed him or not. 

“Yeah, I guess.”You shrugged, pulling out of the hug. “Im gonna go downstairs.”You told him, leaving your room and going down the steps, seeing Topper now completely on the floor.His eyes opened, looking up at you. “Hi.”He grinned, flipping onto his stomach.

You just looked down at him before heading into your kitchen, opening your fridge and pouring yourself a cup of juice, grabbing your vitamins and downing them with a sip of juice, sitting at your kitchen table.Topper frowned, getting up and stretching his long limbs, cracking his knuckles before coming up behind you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

You just sighed, leaning your head against his arm. “Did you sleep okay?”He asked, trying to figure out what was off about you.You just shrugged, looking up at him. “Did you sleep in one of the guest rooms?”He asked.You shook your head, turning in your seat so you could rest your arms on the chair.

His face wasnt far away from yours now, his casted arm resting on the chair as well. “Are the boys still asleep?”He asked. “Nope.”You answered.He glanced over at the staircase, almost like he was making sure they werent watching him. 

“Do you wanna do something today?”He asked, kissing your forehead lightly. “Like what?”You asked, not sure what he was planning in his mind. “I dunno...do you want to drive?”He suggested, a small smirk tugging at his lips.

You raised your eyebrows, surprised he’d even suggest such a thing. “Drive where?”You asked, curious.He shrugged, biting on his bottom lip. “We could go to Barnes and Noble or to Dunkin Donuts...we could go thrifting or rock hunting.”He grinned, tapping his fingers along the chair.You didnt know why it happened or why you got the sudden urge to do what you did, leaning up and kissing him.

He was surprised at first, freezing up for a moment before calming himself, his fingers lightly grazing your waist.He pulled back for a second, biting his lip and taking in a deep breath.You didnt say anything, messing around with his hair.

He let out a soft sigh, leaning down again, kissing you gently.Rafe made his way down the stairs, glancing into the kitchen before doing a double take, eyes widening.He just stood there for a second, gripping the railing.He quickly turned around, heading back upstairs.Fucking hell.You pulled away from Topper, his thumb running over your cheekbone, his face a bit pink. “So...Barnes and Noble?”You asked.

Topper jogged upstairs, grabbing his wallet, turning around and seeing Rafe standing in the doorway of the guest room. “Topper, why?”Rafe asked, sighing.Topper raised his eyebrows. “Why what?”He asked, feeling himself tense up. 

“You cant-you cant just….”Rafe muttered, realising there wasnt much he could say.THe two of you werent official, he wasnt allowed to be mad.Topper walked past him, heading towards your bedroom to talk to Kelce. “(Y/N) and I are heading to the bookstore, you want anything?”Topper asked.Kelce raised his eyebrows, looking down at his phone.

 “Did she tell you what happened?”Kelce asked.Topper shook his head, confused. “Her mum died...dont tell her that I told you, I think she needs a good distraction.”Kelce got up, patting Topper on the shoulder.Kelce was heading towards Rafe, figuring that he should know too.

 “Why wouldnt she want Topper and I to know?”Rafe asked.Kelce shrugged, not knowing an actual answer.THat explained why you started showing a ton of affection towards Topper, you just needed something to occupy your mind.But Rafe could occupy your mind so much better.What did Topper have that Rafe didnt?Blonde hair?

You werent as nervous to drive anymore, knowing to take the back roads.Topper had the volume of the radio at 5, playing some music from his old study playlist.It was mainly indie music and anything that made him feel like a main character even though he would never admit it.

He was looking out his window at the passing trees, looking over to you every couple of seconds.The Barnes and Noble in Outer Banks was on the smaller side since not a lot of people went to it.You pulled into the parking lot, letting out a sigh of relief. “You okay?”Topper chuckled, reaching over and squeezing your hand. “Yeah.”You replied, smiling at him.

THe two of you entered the store, seeing the table of best sellers and new releases.He gripped your hand tightly, guiding you over to the fantasy section.His other arm was resting in his sling, looking over the different titles. “I know that they have a uh….uh….shit.Loki!They have a Loki book!”He exclaimed, proud of himself.You smiled, your thumb tapping his palm as your eyes scanned over all the book covers.You turned around, looking at the other shelf when something else caught your eye.

“Rafe-are you serious right now?I thought you were trying to get clean!”Kelce exclaimed, seeing the other lines that Rafe had prepared for himself.Rafe shrugged, leaning down towards the countertop when Kelce smacked the side of his head.

 “RAFE!What the hell is wrong with you?Put the bill down, now.”Kelce demanded.Rafe glared at him for a moment, tossing the twenty onto the countertop before stepping back. “What?”Rafe asked, taking in a deep breath. “Talk to me, man.You’re doing this for a reason, right?Why dont you just tell me the reason.”Kelce suggested, sitting down at the counter across from Rafe. 

“FUCKING TOPPPER IS THE REASON, ALRIGHT?”Rafe shouted, slamming his fists down. “HE’S NOT RIGHT FOR HER!HES NOT!AND I COME DOWN STAIRS AND HES ALL OVER HERE AND ITS FUCKING DISGUSTING!HE GETS ALL FUCKING PISSED WHENEVER IM AROUND HER BUT WHENEVER HE DOES IT ITS FINE.AND-AND NOW I CANT-I CANT BE ALONE AGAIN!HE CANT TAKE HER AWAY!”Rafe shouted, his voice getting squeaky and his eyes getting watery. “And I know-I know that I cant be mad at him but its so hard!Do you think she even cares about me?Like at all?”Rafe asked, hands shaking as he reached for the dollar bill again.

Kelce gripped his wrist, shaking his head. “Rafe, dont.You cant just snort some coke and have all your problems go away.She does care about you, I can promise you that.But its not her job to constantly validate you, you gotta do that for yourself.And we cant be dependent on her all the time, its not good for her and its not good for any of us.I shouldnt have done what i did last night but to be honest I think we were all in the wrong.This cant tear us all apart and be honest with yourself, you knew this would happen too.I always knew she was gonna have to pick one of us, I fucking knew it.Theres no way we can all be happy, everyones gonna be upset no matter what and as much as it sucks its the truth.But is coke gonna fix any of that?No.”Kelce finished, staring back at Rafe.

He was speechless, a few tears slipping down his face. “Im pretty sure she doesnt even want a relationship.Dont tell her that I told you this, okay?But….in the hospital elevator she told me that she didnt want to date you.I dont think she wants to date anyone and we’re gonna have to respect that.Fuck, im contradicting myself, arent I?I doesnt matter.I dont think any of us are stable to be in a relationship, we’re all so fucked up right now.”Kelce thought out loud, letting out a sigh. 

“Kelce.”Rafe choked out, taking in a shaky breath.Kelce raised his eyebrows, not sure what to expect. “The thing that (Y/N) and I have isnt the same as the thing you guys have.After yesterday I thought-I thought she saw me different, you know?I just...I thought I was special.”Rafe muttered, pinching his nostrils shut.Kelce frowned, not really understanding. “What did you do yesterday?”Kelce asked, thinking of all the possibilities and hoping he wasnt right.Rafe huffed, trembling as he spoke. “We slept together.”He replied, watching Kelce’s eyes widen, jaw dropping.

You and Topper stood in line, seeing his eyes widen when he saw Pope Heyward and JJ Maybank only a few feet away, the two of them bickering as they looked at notebooks.Topper almost let a rude comment slip out, reminding himself that he was with you.

JJ looked over his shoulder, smacking Pope when he saw the two of you. “Pope, Pope, Pope!Look-its (Y/N).”JJ grinned, looking back over to you.You squeezed Topper’s hand, looking over to JJ and flashing him a small smile. 

“Hi, JJ.”You spoke quietly, not wanting to be too loud in a bookstore. “Hi.”He waved, biting his lip before looking back down at the notebooks. “Hi.”Pope nodded, embarrassed.Topper didnt say anything, tapping his foot.The two pogues rushed off, laughing quietly.

You and Topper got back into your car, satisfied with the books and movies you two had picked out.He wanted to get the first movie he saw that just happened to be The Outsiders.You found a few realistic fiction books, deciding to get them along with a small raccoon plushie and a dinosaur bookmark for Kelce.

You ddint know why you had picked them, figuring it would make them smile.The two of you just sat in the car for a few minutes, not really ready to leave the parking lot yet. “Hey, do you wanna draw on my cast later?”He asked, becoming bored of looking at the same bland, bulky cast that clung to his arm.You nodded, carefully grabbing his hand.

Your palm was over his cast, his fingers closing around yours with a small smile on his face.The two of you sat in silence for a few minutes before you started up your car, Topper removing his hand from yours so you could drive properly.

He was playing the same song on loop for hours, hoping you wouldnt notice.He didnt know why he liked it so much, the beat and the overall vibe of it calmed him.Of course you noticed, starting to wonder how long the song was that it could be going on for fifteen minutes straight.

You didnt have a problem with it, glad that it calmed him and that it wasnt a terrible song.

He was half asleep, deciding to open one of the books you got, rereading the same line eleven times.He yawned, reading it again.He could never understand how you could keep up with storylines so well when you couldnt even remember something that had happened just last week.

You were driving ten under the speed limit, carefully pulling into your driveway. “You did a good job.”Topper kissed your forehead lightly, smiling.He lingered for a second, glancing down at your lips.

You rested your forehead against his, your thumb rubbing little circles along the side of his neck.He slowly leaned forward, pulling away a second later.His hand made its way to the back of your neck, kissing you again.

He wasnt as nervous this time but was still pretty nervous, not wanting to mess up or embarass himself.You were the one to pull away this time, taking in a deep breath. “We should go inside.”You told him, messing around with the hair on the back of his head.

He nodded, not moving yet.You eventually let go of him, taking your keys out and grabbing your Barnes and Noble bag, getting out of the car.He came with you, seeing Kelce and Rafe sitting in the kitchen, seeming to be in a deep conversation that had been interrupted by your entrance. “Hey.”You grinned at them, putting your bag down on the counter.

Rafe couldnt even bring himself to smile, feeling too exhausted.You pouted, trying to figure out what was wrong.His eyes were slightly puffy, his lips slightly red like he had been biting at them.He had been crying for a reason that you couldnt quite place, not wanting to push him to tell you what had happened.

Instead you reached into the bag, pulling out the plushie and pushing it into his chest before he could see exactly what it was.He looked down at it, laughing quietly.It had large, purple glittery eyes and a little tag with a link to a website.

He grabbed your waist, pulling you so that he could rest his head on your stomach.You gulped, sucking in your gut ever so slightly and hoping that he wouldnt notice.You raised your eyebrows at Kelce, looking down at Rafe, trying to ask silently what had happened.Kelce simply shook his head, placing a finger over his lips.

You nodded, running your fingers through Rafes hair, dragging your fingertips down his jaw, the bridge or his nose and his temple, feeling his arms getting tired as he relaxed, now draped around your hips.Topper sat down on the couch, holding the dvd in his hands as he waited for a time to watch it.

Rafe loved having you around, his breathing getting steady as you massaged his scalp.He knew that it was wrong to want to be in your arms when you had been kissing another guy but you just took such good care of him, of everyone.

You reached over to the bag, throwing the book mark at Kelce’s face. “Thanks.”He smiled, looking at all the little dinosaurs.He didnt read physical books too often but he always loved getting something new to add to his (Y/N) box. 

“Can you guys please come watch this movie with me?”Topper asked, peeling at his cuticles.Kelce got up, looking over to you and Rafe before nodding towards Topper, wanting to make sure that you two didnt get too caught up with eachother.

Kelce took the dvd from Kelce, putting it into your dvd player and switching the HDMI before sitting down on the couch, surprised when you chose to cuddle up next to him.He was relieved that you werent hesitant about giving them affection now that you knew the truth, resting his hand on your back.

Rafe rested at the end of the couch, poking at your knee cap, a grin on his face as he tried to annoy you.Topper sat on the floor, his head against the couch so you could reach out and fluff of his golden locks if you wanted to.The credits were at the beginning of the movie, all of you guys remaining quiet as you watched the screen.

 “Didnt we read this book in 7th grade?”Topper asked, putting the pieces together.You hummed, tapping Kelce’s chest. “Nope, I read it to you guys while you pretended to listen.”You corrected.Once Dally showed up on screen all the boys had turned to look at you, waiting for you to fall in love. 

“Come on, (Y/N)!Isnt that one your type!He’s brunette and just got out of jail!”Kelce pointed out.You grinned, shrugging. “He’s okay.”You replied, surprising them. “Hey, do you guys want to make a blanket fort later?”You asked, feeling bored with the set up of the living room.

They nodded, agreeing. “Yeah, okay.”Rafe nodded.It wasnt until the scene of Ponyboy’s parents getting into a car accident that anyone spoke again, Topper laughing. “Same.”He pointed at the tv, hoping you guys would laugh too.Kelce was the first to laugh, nodding. “We should sue the for stealing your plot line.”He grinned.Rafe chuckled, sighing.

 “Let me just call my lawyer, oh wait, my phone drowned.”He laughed again, looking over to you to make sure that you werent taking it to seriously.You simply grinned, rolling your eyes. “If I were a character in this who would I be?”Rafe asked, his head against your thigh.You hummed, thinking. “I dunno….I think Kelce would be Darry for sure but I think you would be Ponyboy cause you’re dumb.”You grinned at him, knowing you were about to get attacked.

He scoffed, climbing on top of you and laying down on top of you, his head on your stomach and his legs on top of yours, nearly crushing you. “You’re gonna kill me!’You exclaimed, flicking him repeatedly.He pouted, getting comfy.

Your phone began to ring but you chose to ignore it, figuring it was your uncle calling to ask if you were coming to Italy.The others followed your lead, ignoring it too.They were all there with you, it wasnt like anyone else really mattered.It wasnt until it rang for the eighth time that you finally picked up, whispering for Kelce to pause the movie as you held the phone to your ear, waiting for the person to say something first. 

“hello?”A deep voice asked.You frowned, not recognizing it. “What?”You asked, hoping it wasnt your uncle. “Um...is this (Y/N) (Y/L/N)?”The voice asked and you could hear tapping in the background. “yeah.”You replied, not wanting to give away anymore information.

 “This is your father.”THe voice spoke, letting out a sigh right after it. “I heard that your mother died, how are you doing?”He asked.Rafe was tapping at your thigh, trying to ask who it was, shutting up when you placed your hand over his face.

“How do I know you’re not lying?”You asked, feeling the boys all staring at you. “Do you know where your birth certificate is?”He asked.You hummed, pushing Rafe off of you and standing up, jogging up the stairs and opening the door to your mothers room.

It hadnt been touched for only the gods know how long, the ceiling fan gathering bits of dust along with all the cabinets and the tv screen.You opened her file cabinet, finding your birth certificate and placing it in front of you.

 “Do you see the name of the father?”He asked, waiting for your response. “Yeah.”You replied.Matthew Islands. “Does it say Matthew Islands?”He asked.Fucking hell. “Yeah.”You answered. “Theres your proof.”He replied.You gulped, sitting down entirely. 

“No, you have no proof that that’s your real name.”You replied, just hoping that this wasnt true.You couldnt handle this on top of everything else. “Would a liscense and my birth certificate be enough proof?”He asked.You held your breath, wanting to hang up and block his number so you’d never have to think about him ever again.

 “Your uncle gave me your address.I could come over and bring all of my documents if you want.”He answered.Your heart dropped into your stomach, eyes going wide. “No, do not come to my house.If I want to meet you i’ll meet you at a public place.”You replied, not liking the idea of some old dude you had never met that claimed to be your dad coming to your home.

 “Alright, where would that be?”He asked.You jogged back downstairs, staring outside your window. “What-where are you right now?”You asked. “Im at a hotel near the country club.”He told you.You sighed, sitting down on the floor. 

“The turtle beach...five thirty.”You suggested, breath shaky as you waited. “Okay, i’ll bring everything.”He replied, waiting for you to hang up.You hung up quickly, putting your phone down with a huff. “Who was that?”Topper asked. 

“My father.”You replied, shocking them all.Kelce sat up straight, raising his eyebrows. “And you’re meeting him?”Kelce asked, wanting to make sure he was hearing you correctly and he hadnt lost his mind. “Well, not alone.You guys are coming with me.”You told them, figuring that they already knew. 

“If he’s a psychopath im gonna be pissed.”You grumbled, standing back up. “And apparently my uncle gave him my address so now he knows where I live so now he can just show up whenever and hes gonna bring his ID and his birth certificate and I guess he’s been in OBX this whole time so its possible that I already know him which is just fucking weird.This is so weird-I dont even want to meet him!Like who the hell calls the day that their ex lover dies to tell their kid that they’re actually around in the same place and have been this whole time and didnt even try to help raise me?God, I hate this!”You exclaimed, pacing around.

 “Well at least you’ll be safe if you’re meeting him in a public place!Plus, if you meet him and you just want to leave we can leave.And if you dont feel safe staying here you could always come over to my house.”Kelce reminded you.You nodded, sighing.

 “But think about it, why would he be gone all those years?What has he been doing with his life?And why wouldnt my mom want me to know about him?He probably is a psychopath and thats why im so fucked in the head.”You laughed, trying to calm your self. 

“And like, I feel like something is just wrong, you know?I dont even know what it just doesnt feel right.Like mom was never here anyways but with her being like….gone gone it just feels like im being watched.Its gross.”You ranted, pulling at your fingers.

 “So why dont you just leave?You dont have to stay here everyday, we can just start hanging out at Rafe’s and eating all of his food.”Topper grinned.You shrugged, walking into your kitchen and walking around in a loop before coming back.

 “I feel like I cant leave.I dont know why.”You explained. “How about we just ditch your dad and have a sleepover at my house?We can go to the grocery store and play mario kart and we can watch Criminal Minds.”Rafe spoke softly, knowing his father couldnt yell at him if you were over.

 “Your dad doesnt like me.”You told him, looking for any excuse to stay home. “Are you kidding?You’re the most responsible, of course he likes you!Sarah likes you too!And you can come see the new lights I got for my room-do you wanna go to the thrift store and get some records for me to hang on my walls?”He asked, hoping you’d agree. 

“You could pick out a few less hideous shirts for me!I know you hate my pastel ones.”Kelce replied.With all of them trying to convince you the idea was becoming more appealing. “Okay...let me just pack a bag.”You muttered, going back upstairs and into your bedroom, grabbing a mint blue backpack and opening your drawers, grabbing some pajama shorts, a t shirt, some sweatpants, deodorant and a hairbrush.

Rafe came upstairs to grab the stuff that he had brought to your house, figuring he should do his laundry. “You okay?”He asked, watching as you zipped your bag.You nodded, taking in a deep breath. “Why does so much happen in my life?I feel like the universe is specifically after me.”You mumbled, feeling his strong arms around you, leaning against him. 

“I know how it feels, chip.It’ll take a little while but you’ll feel better eventually, just promise me you wont hurt yourself.”He whispered into your neck, kissing your jaw lightly.You shivered, your hands falling over his, letting out a soft sigh. 

“I know.”You replied, closing your eyes as he kissed up and down your neck lightly. “You can always come over, you know.You dont have to call or anything, doesnt even matter if im home or not.”He pressed a kiss to your cheek, grinning when you turned your head so he could kiss you properly, letting out a low sigh.

He stood for a while, his warm hands running up and down your body, humming to you.He didnt know what song he was humming but he was almost positive that it was from a disney movie. “Are you humming something from The Lion King?”you asked.He nodded, kissing your forehead.

 “Can you feel the love tonight, The peace the evening brings, The world for once in perfect harmony, With all its living things.”He sang softly, remembering what the song was.He remembered you singing it constantly, getting the song stuck in your head for weeks.

You grinned, biting your lip as he blushed, continuing to sing. “He's holding back, he's hiding, But what, I can't decide, Why won't he be the king I know he is?The king I see inside?”You sang quietly, turning so you could hide your face in his shirt, giggling.

He turned bright red, squeezing you for a few seconds before letting go. “Lets get going so that we can make Kelce wear a blouse.”He smiled, grabbing your bag for you.Topper was taking the movie out of your dvd player and putting it back in its case, grabbing the barnes and noble bag and throwning Rafe his raccoon.

 “I will drive.”Kelce announced, opening the door and leading the group out to Rafe’s truck, getting inside.You and Rafe decided to sit in the backseat while Topper sat up front, controlling the music.Rafe’s hand rested on your thigh, tapping his fingertips on your kneecap to the sound of the music.

You reached out, playing with his fingers, tapping them and watching them wiggle.He sighed, not understanding why you were so entertained. “Where am I going?Grocery store or thrift store?”Kelce asked, pulling out of your driveway. “Thrift store.”Topper replied quickly.

Kelce nodded, trying his best to drive smoothly and avoid any bumps.Rafe moved as close as he could to you so he could get his arm around your waist, his other arm across your thighs as he rested his head in the crook of your neck.

Usually he wouldnt be this touchy with you when the boys were right there.Your heart skipped a beat as he started to kiss your collarbone and the side of your neck, biting softly as the tip of his tongue swirled around your skin.

You just had to hope the others wouldnt notice.Kelce parked the truck as he pulled into the parking lot of the thrift store, the four of you hopping out.Topper stayed close to you as you guys walked around the store.Rafe was incredibly out of his element, not used to stores that werent cleaned head to toe with music playing from speakers.

Walmart was one thing for him to get used to but a thrift store was a whole other thing.You grabbed a large yellow shirt, looking through the t shirts before you heard Kelce let out an excited shout, rushing over to you with a purple dress.

 “Dinosaurs!Dinosaurs!Dinosaurs!Come one, please!You have to get this!”He exclaimed.You sighed, taking it from him. “Did you check the size?”You asked. “That’ll fit you fine, your body dysmorphia just needs to shut the fuck up.”Topper kissed your forehead, holding up the dress before looking back over to you.

 “This’ll be perfect with those black boots you have and the frilly socks!You know the ones im talking about, right?Like they look like they were made with a wedding dress.”He thought out loud.You nodded, not really agreeing but you didnt have the heart to tell him that.

Rafe came into the isle, a large leopard print jacket in his hand. “Kelceeeeee.”He smirked, holding it up.Kelce’s face dropped, shaking his head. “No.”He replied. “Please?”You asked, pouting ever so slightly.Kelce sighed.

 “I hate you.”He muttered, taking the jacket.You left the thrift store with a dinosaur dress, a fancy tea cup, a dog lamp, and a large hawaiian shirt.After spending forty minutes at looking at records you had convinced Rafe to hang up album covers too since you had found a few disney ones.

 “Why dont you take them then?”He suggested, not wanting to have Anna and Elsa on his wall. “No, you need them.”You replied.Kelce was pretty mad about the giant stack of yellow, leopard print, hawaiian shirts and striped tank tops.

 “You’re such a bully.”he grumbled as you placed a holographic hat on his head. “Yeah but you still love me, right?”You giggled.The grocery store wasnt any better, Topper deciding to sit in the cart while Rafe tossed bags of chips at his face. 

“Hey, dont do that.You could hit his head.”You told him.Topper grinned, reaching out and pulling you by the back of your shirt so he could hug you.You placed a kiss on his forehead, asking what kind of chips he wanted. 

“Can we get cantalope?”Kelce asked, already putting one in the cart.Rafe was stumbling around a little, taking in a deep breath. “Hey, you okay?”You asked, placing your hands on his shoulders to steady him.He nodded. 

“Yeah, yeah im fine.”He replied, just as confused as you.You didnt really believe him, gripping his jaw and staring into his eyes, noticing how they were dialated.

 “Can you sit down please?”You asked him, pushing on his shoulders slightly. “We’re in a store.”He muttered. “Rafe, its fine.Just sit please.”You repeated.He sat on the floor, not sure what you were doing.

You sat across from him, pretending to read cereal boxes as a group walked by. “How much did you take?”You asked him.He gulped, trying to think back. “Umm...I dont know.”He replied.

 “How much do you usually take?”You asked. “Like...one or two.”He answered.You nodded, taking in a deep breath. “What can happen if you take too much?Do you think you overdosed?”You asked, keeping your voice quiet.

He shook his head. “No...no...I took like...six lines a few weeks ago.”He replied, realising how bad it sounded. “Okay...okay so what do we do?Should you drink water or-or-ummm okay.Can you see and hear?”You asked, not knowing what to do.He nodded, gulping. 

“I feel fine, like im fine.But it’s just weird.I dunno.Just dont worry about it.”He muttered, slowly standing back up.You tried to hurry the rest of the shopping trip, making them go through self checkout so it wouldnt take so long.

You grabbed a cold mountain dew for Rafe, tugging him by his arm over to the truck as fast as you could, making him chug the drink.He let out a loud burp, laughing right after. “See?Im fine.”He grinned, trying to convince you more than himself. 

“Why’d you get high in the first place?”You asked.He shrugged, going to hug you when you pushed him away. “Rafe, im serious.”You tried your best to sound assertive, worried that you might sound like his father. 

“I know.......I just went too long without anything.”He lied.You knew he was lying but you didnt say anything else, reaching for his hand to let him know that you werent mad at him.

He rested his head against your shoulder, his other arm resting on your leg, taking in deep breaths. “im sorry, princess.Im so sorry.”He whispered.You simply kissed the top of his head.

 “I know you are, Rafe.But you gotta be better, you guys are all I have and we already almost lost Topper, we cant lose you too.”You told him.He nodded, feeling the truck move a bit as Topper and Kelce got in.

Rain started to fall, the light in the car slightly blue as Rafe’s eyes slowly closed, falling asleep against your shoulder.Topper played a sad song on low volume, liking the vibe that he had created.

Kelce seemed to have forgot where he was going, pulling into a cumberland farms parking lot, sighing.All of you just sat for a moment, breathing and listening to the music.

Kelce took in a deep breath before backing out again, humming along to the song before pulling up at Rafe’s house.You rubbed Rafe’s back to wake him up, kissing his forehead lightly.

There were only a few bags, Kelce grabbing them all before heading over to the door, all of you guys getting inside and taking off your shoes. “Rafe-where have you-”Ward started, looking over to see you, Topper and Kelce before closing his mouth. 

“I see you brought friends.”Was all he had to say, rolling up his sleeves to his elbows to show off a watch.Rafe nodded, gripping your hand. “You have to babysit Wheezie tonight.No funny buisiness.”He said strictly, dissapearing.

Rafe glared at the wall. “Fucking idiot.”He grumbled, heading upstairs.You took a deep breath, following him with Topper and Kelce close behind you and into his room.Kelce placed the bags down, sitting on the floor.

 “Lets just wait for Ward to leave, then we can go into the living room.”Rafe muttered, taking the record covers and sliding the records out, letting you use the double sided tape to stick them to his wall.

His walls were a light gray that matched his carpet, his sheets white and his comforter blue.He had a few pictures of you and the boys on his nightstand, his hamper in the corner and a tv on his wall.

You could understand why he’d want to make it less bland, sticking the record covers along the wall, trying to make them in a rainbow order.It mustve been 5:30 since your phone wouldnt stop going off but you couldnt care less, turning off your ringer.

Once you heard the front door slam loudly and Ward’s car start up a smile came across your face.Once you hung the last record Rafe had thrown you over his shoulder, tossing you onto the couch.

 “RAFE!”Wheezie shouted, coming out of her room and storming downstairs, freezing up when she saw the four of you. “Yeah?”Rafe asked.She frowned, turning around and going back upstairs.

Kelce had pulled you into his lap, watching as Rafe flicked through the cameras, stopping on Nickelodeon.You had no idea why you guys had even gone grocery shopping since Rafe was planning on ordering pizza anyways, texting Wheezie to ask what she wanted.

Zoey 101 was playing, Kelce laughing for some reason. “Hey, you should do a little fashion show for us.”Topper grinned, remembering all the clothes.Kelce groaned, getting up and going upstairs.

You went upstairs as well, explaining that you had to show him how the outfits were supposed to go.He was laughing as you told him to put on the rainbow sweater with the leopard print jacket on top of it. 

“This looks terrible!”He exclaimed, telling you you could turn around now. “Its not that bad!”You laughed, moving forward to fix the collar of the sweater.He took in a shallow breath, not used to you standing so close.

He didnt even think about it, leaning forward and kissing you lightly.You were surprised, not really knowing how to react.You held onto the sweater collar tightly, pulling away. 

“Um....you still need to put on the hat.”You muttered, grabbing the holographic hat and placing it on top of his head.He cleared his throat, turning and looking in the mirror with a frown on his face.

 “Come on, dont be like that.Its not gonna look good if you’re grumpy.”You told him.He sighed, following you downstairs.Topper was recording, zooming in on Kelce’s grumpy face. “It looks great!Now give us a spin.”He grinned, watching as Kelce put out his arms and spun around. 

“I know, I look fantastic.”Kelce replied, putting his hands in the pockets of the jacket.He sat down on the couch, ignoring the squeak of the jacket material against the couch, holding a pillow to his chest with a grin as he watched the tv.You sat back down, pushing the hat off of his head.

 “Asshole.”He grinned at you, putting the hat on your head instead.The sound of the doorbell ringing caused you all to jump, not expecting the pizza to come that fast.Rafe answered the door, putting the pizza down in the kitchen and shouting for Wheezie, grabbing plates from the cabinet.

You had a slice and some fries, sitting down on the living room carpet.You werent even sure when you had fallen asleep, a blanket thrown over you and  Friends playing on the TV.

The boys were still awake, watching the tv. “Morning.”Topper grinned when he confused you, shaking his head. “Its not actually morning.”He chuckled, ruffling your hair.

You grumbled something, reaching for your phone and seeing ten missed calls and eighteen messages from your ‘dad’.You blocked his number, not wanting to deal with him anymore.

Thats when you got an idea, heading to the bathroom and locking the door, sitting down and beginning to type.It was to your mothers cellphone, not caring if your uncle saw it or not.

Dear Mom, 

I dont remember much about the last time I saw you.I dont even think you told me that you loved me.Your room is still the same as it was eight months ago.My friends were always here for me when you shouldve been.Kelce told me that writing a goodbye letter to something that hurt you is the best way to cope.So here I am.I feel like you’re haunting the house, it feels kind of bitter and I constantly feel like you’re still judging me.And now that you’re gone im not even sure how to feel about you.I dont even know if you thought about me during your last moments but im sure if you did it was out of anger and disgust.Thats all you really had for me.This is me officially saying goodbye, I hope you had fun in Italy.

You didnt even bother to reread the message, sending it out and turning off your phone, leaving the bathroom. “Hey, im just gonna crash in your room.”You told Rafe, seeing him nod in the dark.

You dragged your feet as you went upstairs, getting under his covers and resting your head against his pillow.You were half asleep when Rafe got into bed next to you, his arm moving around your waist.

You were confused when you felt someone else lay down, opening your eyes. “Its just me.”Kelce muttered.You hummed, resting your head on his chest. “Topper took up the whole couch.”He explained, kissing your forehead lightly.

You kept rolling over throughout the night, unable to get comfy until Rafe pulled you on top of him.You grumbled, sitting up, realising you were straddling him. “You okay?”He asked, still half asleep.You hummed, laying down on top of him, one of your arms hanging off the bed. “I love you.”He mumbled. “love you too.”You muttered, falling asleep only seconds later.

THERES ONLY A CHAPTER LEFT IM GONNA CRY

@sweetlittlegingy    @nicolefarley603 @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @newsies-yeet @butgilinsky​ @jjjmaybank​ @gracelovesbroadway  @one-stella @spn-marvel-nerd @lovelyelinor @chinamolina602  @sexytholland @28cnn  @popcrone818 @fttayla @cherryobx @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @drewstarkeyobx @poguestyleskye @judayyyw @jjtheangel​ @jj-iz-bae@sunwardsss @meaganjm  @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @natalie-kate-98 @nxsmss @broken-jj @joshy-obx @classygirlything  @annmariek8​ @drewswannabegirl​ @stupidpendeja @killjoyybsinner @pink-meringues @outerbongs  @copper-boom  @httpstarkey @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl​  @simonsbluee   @jiaraendgame  @khiaraaa-in-spacee  @on-socks-off  @abbiesthings @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless @rae131415 @annmariek8​ @harryswigss @ibookofstars  @teenagekook​​ 

[modern-vellichor]

Just Like Her Mother

Chapter Three

Summary: Its your birthday, and a new side of you is seen.

Warnings: alcohol consumption, cigarettes, smoking, lakes :)

Tuesday morning rolled around, warm sun slipping through the curtains of Charles' room. He slipped out of bed and got dressed. His hair was still a mess as he lumbered down the stairs. He could see you waiting anxiously by the open door.

You were watching the driveway excitedly. Charles stood behind you and yawned.

"What's happening?"

"Theo's coming," you stated.

Just then a car began to drive up to the house. You started rolling back and forth on your heels, excitement oozing out of you. Charles watched with half-asses interest. When the car was halfway up the drive, a door opened and a boy around your age jumped out.

Immediately the two of you began running towards each other. The car kept driving and you lept into the boy's arms. He lifted you off the ground and spun you around. You walked back to the door still in each other's arms and Charles rolled his eyes.

"Charles!" You called out, beckoning for him to come to the car.

He stepped into the fresh morning air with a soft scowl.

"Charles, this is my cousin Theo"

Suddenly Charles felt bad about all the hassle he gave you about Theo. He faked a welcoming smile and shook the boys hand.

Other people exited the car. Theo backed away to fetch a baby out of the back.

You introduced him to your aunt and uncle, and to the two other children, both only young.

You ushered them all inside, Charles hung back so he could walk with you.

"hey," he whispered. "I'm sorry, about... you know"

"it's okay," you whispered back. You jogged away to catch up with your family.

When Charles arrived in the dining room, the table was laid with breakfast. You sat across from Theo, feeding a cooing baby in your lap. You were all sitting towards one side of the table, the seat at the head was free. Charles sat down and dished for himself.

Your uncle talked to him with great interest, asking him all sorts of questions. You spent the entire day with your family, laughing and drinking and smoking. As non hit and the sun was blazing down on the house, you all moved into the garden.

As Charles followed you through the backdoor he realized he had never been this side of the house. He took in his surroundings as you all walked the little path to a small patio with a table and chairs.

You propped your feet up on the table, a cigarette in one hand and a full glass in the other. The two young children played quietly at their parents feet. Everyone at the table had a cigarette but Charles. Your uncle lazily threw one across the table at him.

"So, Charles," he drawled. His English was good but you could tell it wasn't his first language. "Y/N tells me you've spent time in Italy"

"Oh, leave him, Uncle!" You giggled.

You were a different person now that your family was here. Charles could tell it wasn't an act either. You were happy and free spirited.

"oh no, it's okay," Charles mumbled quietly to you before turning to your Uncle.

You spent most of the afternoon like that, occasionally going inside to fetch another bottle of whatever they decided to drink next. They were up until late in the evening, after the children were put to bed. Eventually Charles excused himself but he could hear you laughing into the early hours of the morning.

Charles slept in late the next morning. Your uncle's car was missing from the driveway. He looked for you before finding you in the drawing room. The fire was crackling softly and you had a cup of coffee on the table in front of you. Theo sat across from you, reading the newspaper out loud. A young girl played at your feet and a baby cooed softly in your lap.

Charles sat down in a free seat next to you. You mumbled a soft good morning and Theo read on. Charles poured himself a coffee from the pot on the table.

"Who's the little guy?" He asked softly.

"this is James," you said, bouncing the baby softly. "And that's Adeline," you nodded to the girl on the floor. She was no older than five.

"Where's your uncle?"

"They've gone out for the day, won't be back until late"

Charles fell silent as Theo turned to you. He didn't even spare Charles a glance as he spoke to you. His voice was soft and in a language Charles didn't speak. His Italian was good, but he didn't speak French. He recognized a few words but the two of you spoke so quickly that Charles gave up and picked the paper up off the table.

His interest only piqued when he heard his name muttered. But the two of you still conversed in French.

"Charles?" You asked softly.

He hummed in response, not taking his eyes off the paper, though he wasn't reading.

"would you like to bring the children out with us?"

In his peripheral, Charles could see Theo shaking his head lightly.

"oh, no. You two go ahead, I'll hang back"

You murmured softly but got up anyway. You patted Adeline on the back and took her little hand, leading her away from Charles' feet.

You and Theo were out for the whole afternoon. Charles didn't even see you when you got home, you took the children into your office. Charles walked past the open door and stole a glance. You and Theo were sitting on the floor playing with Adeline and James.

Charles did get to see you at dinner. This time he was included in the conversation. You kept snapping softly at Adeline, who was hanging off of Charles' leg and asking him silly questions.

"Adeline," you whispered angrily. "come sit over here and stop bothering uncle Charles"

With wide eyes she waddled sadly over to the seat next to you. Charles chuckled quietly into his drink.

The three of you made awkward conversation as you ate. Eventually you fell asleep, little James asleep on your chest. Theo turned to Charles.

"I'm gonna take Addie and James to bed."

Charles nodded and watched him lift James out of your arms and lead Adeline towards the stairs.

Charles pushed out of his chair and made his way over to your sleeping form. He hooked an arm under your knees and one behind your back. He grunted softly as he lifted you out of the chair. You didn't stir. He carried you up the stairs and towards his bedroom, it was closer anyway. He laid you in his bed, tucking you in, before slotting in on the other side.

You woke up in the middle of the night when James began to cry. Charles woke up and watched you hurriedly walk out the door. A few seconds later the baby grew quiet again and Charles didn't see you until morning.

You all sat at the table, sharing coffee and cigarettes. You and Theo laughed loudly and your aunt and uncle watched proudly. Charles observed the scene from where he sat at the head of the table. He couldn't help but notice how domestic it all felt to him.

"so, Y/N," your uncle finally said and the table quieted down. "Your aunt and I have a little something for you"

You shook your head politely, eyes wide in soft surprise. Your uncle placed a neatly wrapped parcel on the table in front of you. You gentle untied the ribbon and unfolded the paper to reveal a thick leather bound book. You rifled through it with a smile and thanked your uncle. Charles watched in mild confusion as Theo also pulled out a little box that contained a necklace.

"happy birthday, lady bug," he said as he smiled softly.

"Any big birthday plans?" Your aunt chuckled loudly.

"uhm," your gaze fell upon the confused face of Charles. Suddenly you grew nervous. "Yeah, we're having a party. Some family friends, some of the locals are coming too. Mum planned it a while back and you know how she is so,,,"

"how is she?" Charles asked, it was the first thing he had said all morning.

"Her parties are always lavish, lots of people in expensive clothes and big dresses, you know," you choked out the words as you spoke to Charles.

You continued to tell the group the plans for the evening before excusing yourself from the table and disappearing upstairs.

The last time your mother was home, which was a long time ago. She had slipped Hilda a box with strict instructions.

'Do not give this to Y/N until her birthday'

And of course Hilda followed them and kept the present hidden. She knocked gently on your bedroom door. You called out and she pushed it open, box in hand. She left in on your bed with a smile. She gave you a quick hug and muttered a 'happy birthday, sweetheart' before leaving.

You slid off the lid and opened the tissue paper to reveal a rather extravagant gown. It was long and silky and dark, you pulled it out and laid it on the bed. In the box there was a piece of card covered in your mother's handwriting.

Happy birthday, Y/N

I'm sorry I cant be there, wear this tonight, for me.

Love, mum

You smiled sadly at the note and slipped the dress onto a hanger and into your closet.

The party was loud and full and boring. You sat, slumped in a corner next to Theo. Charles hopped from conversation to conversation lazily, always keeping an eye on you.

Every time a young man would walk over to you Charles' blood began to boil. Everytime someone asked you to dance or asked about your love life Charles nearly raged. But he kept it cool because he knew you were uninterested. And deep down he wished it was because of him.

A few boring hours passed and Theo turned to you with an excited look. He whispered in your ear and your face lit up, you nodded frantically and the two if you hurried towards the door.

Charles followed you out of the house, through the backdoor. He raced back inside and up the stairs to his bedroom, he gazed out the window, searching for you. You came into sight at the far end of the garden, by a little pond. Charles could hear your faint laughter. He rushed back down the stairs and through the garden. He slowed down as he neared the edge of the lake, half hiding behind some hedges. He arrived just in time to watch you and Theo jump into the lake, shrieking and laughing. Your dress was soaked, and Theo resurfaced to throw his sodden jacket on the grass.

The wet fabric of your dress weighed you down but you didn't care as you and Theo dived under the water once again. Reeds grew from the lakes floor. The lake wasn't really part of your garden, it wasn't part of anyone's garden. It was always busy during the summer as the surrounding houses brought their kids for a swim.

The moon was high in the sky and the evening air was cold. You could hear faint music and see distant lights from the party ongoing in the house. People would be leaving soon and you knew that. The sooner they left the better, you thought.

Charles finally left the protection of the hedge, calling out for you, feigning worry.

"Y/N?"

He heard you mutter a curse and hurry out of the water.

"Charles? What are you doing? You should be at the party," you muttered angrily, still dripping.

"so should you," he stated coolly, with a sly grin.

"what do you want?," you snapped, annoyed by the man.

"Nothing, I was just worried about you!" Charles mocked.

You rolled your eyes and dived back into the water. Charles called out for you as you disappeared under the dark surface. He stood on the edge of the grass, looking out over the glassy lake. Suddenly two hands emerged, grabbing onto him and tugging him into the black water.

It was cold and unexpected. He gasped and sputtered as he surface, you a few feet away from him, laughing loudly and uncontrollably. He glared angrily at you and you just swam away, still giggling.

Charles adored this new side of you. This playful, and free, and happy side of you. He longed to see it more often. Deep down, Charles hated himself for being soft and caring, but you seemed to bring out the best in him, for good or worse.

[yourtouchismidas]

What about if Matty and RG got called into school for something, like one of the girls got in trouble for something, nothing major, maybe just typical high school stuff like smoking in the toilets ahaha. I can’t imagine Matty being any good at discipline, he loves his girls too much bless him

so i think most of the girls are well behaved at school, and keep most of their experimenting and stuff outside of it. there is one exception though. stevie matilda. stevie came out a little rule breaker. she was always crying til she was red in the face if she didnt get her way. she would draw on the walls and pinch her sisters when they were playing quietly and run off giggling.

you and matty pretty much try everything. the naughty step. early bedtimes. no pudding. but stevie sits on the naughty step and entertains herself by singing. she goes to bed early without a fuss, talking sweetly to matty as her lifts the cover for her, as if its a normal bedtime and not a punishment.

"she's happy at least," you say, as you and matty groan into your before-bed-tea at the kitchen table, after another day of trying to get her to do what you say.

"maybe it's just a phase," matty says, "a terrible seven? is that a thing?"

"no matty. but even if it was, stevie has a terrible six too. and five. and..."

"okay i got it," he says, placing a hand over yours and tapping. you look at him. his laughter lines. his crows feet. his greying hair. the warm light reflecting in his glasses.

"you're too soft on her," you tell him.

"i'm not."

"you are. she listens better to me. hell, she listens better to george."

"okay maybe i am. i just cant help it. i mean. have you seen her? the smile? the dimples? she's fucking adorable."

she keeps growing and you send her off to secondary hoping that the teachers are more equipped to dealing with naughty kids. your children have all gone to regular school their whole lives, despite matty earning enough to send them to private (the exception being valley once she hit eleven and needed more advanced classes).

"if public school was good enough for me. it's good enough for my girls," he said.

"stevie will probably get expelled if we sent her to private school anyway. apple doesnt fall far," you agreed.

so off stevie went to secondary and amazingly, you didnt hear anything. no phone calls. the occasional detention but nothing major. something odd happened with the twins early in their school journey. close as anything at home, they separated at school, made new friends, took different classes, became themselves, before returning to their shared bedroom at night to gossip until they fell asleep, sometimes in the same bed.

then the call came.

"hi is that stevie healy's mum?"

you'd just finished lunch and all the girls were at school . you were expecting a call from gigi at uni today and thought that's what this was. you beckon matty over from where he is stuffing crisps in his mouth and whisper "stevie." his eyes go wide. you hold the phone up to both your ears.

"unfortunately stevie has been sent to the headmistress today..."

they explain what has happened. stevie was caught on top of the gym hall roof with her friends. no one knows how she got up there and when asked to come down she refused, telling the teacher she didnt want to show other kids how to get up there, and he shouldn't want that either, or tomorrow everyone would be doing it. apparently there had been damages to school property. no one was hurt. you're asked to come and collect her. suspended for the rest of the day.

"stevie healy!" you yell at her when you see her, sitting outside the headmistresses office, head in her phone.

"hey mum," she says. like its regular pick up time.

"what do you think you were doing?" matty says, trying to put on a stern voice and failing. stevie smirks a little.

"i dunno. all the older kids take up all of the field and grounds to eat lunch. there was nowhere to go. this school should really provide more places for year sevens to eat if they want to stop this kind of behaviour from happening again."

"unbelievable," you say.

"when we get home we're going to have a massive talk about respect," matty says. the headmistress is behind him now. watching. he sounds stern enough for her. not for stevie.

"didn't you set fire to uncle george's trousers when you were my age?"

"thats... well... that's not relevant right now. come on. we're going home. we'll pay for the damages," matty assures the headmistress.

when you're leaving, matty hears a little voice.

"dad?"

it's lexie, staring at you all crossing the courtyard, frowning.

"what's happened? you okay stevie?"

"your sister has been in trouble."

"god sake steve," lexie says. "got all scared then. thought there was a problem."

"there is a problem. your sister," you say. while matty kisses lexie on the side of the head, making her blush and assures her not to worry.

"see you at home," he tells her.

at home you both sit stevie down at the table and tell her off. you tell her she needs to sort her act out. that authority is hard sometimes yes, but you have to get by and stop doing things that could harm others. matty is actually stern. and stevie looks shocked. she looks in her lap and almost cries. but then locks eyes with him again. willing to take the yelling, knowing she earned it, and also that she can take it.

there is a silence afterwards. stevie sits and the two of you lean against the counter.

"okay, shall we go to a movie or something then?" matty says.

"matthew!" you say.

he shrugs, "what? she's off school. may as well."

you sigh. "too fucking soft," you mutter, but you grab your bag anyway. may as well.

[extremelyblackandwhite]

the unseen one - 25

 Pairing: Hades!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: y/n and bucky fight

A/N: ik braid sewing was way more popular in roman culture than in greek one but i personally love it and it’s probably the one way i can get my hair to stay put whenever i go on a run. hope you enjoy xx

Next Chapter

Y/N was homesick. 

Ever since the dinner all she could think about was the mortal realm, the sounds of rain hitting the glass of her window as she cuddled under her large duvet, her old kettle steaming from the hob, Anne’s laughter and countless tellings of various failed love attempts, the children in her kindergarten, all of it. This wasn’t to say she didn’t enjoy Bucky’s company, she loved it, she loved having him around but the thought of being confined here forever without ever getting to see at least her flat again terrified her. 

Another day had started in the Underworld and per usual Bucky was the first up on his feet and out to prepare the Spring Festival necessities while Y/N was left behind. There wasn’t much to do rather than ever so slightly meeting with Hecate who had started to just plain ignore her existence whenever she visited the Elysium, speaking with Psyche whenever she unceremoniously was thrown into the Underworld by her mother in law and walk the river Styx’s shores. Y/N had returned to the kitchen, placing James’ kettle on the stove and grabbing a mug as she sat on the balcony, losing herself on her own thoughts and only being removed from it by the kettle steaming out of control. She jumped from the balcony feeling her feet weirdly tingle, which was ignored fast as she grabbed the white mug and the kettle, pouring hot water onto it. The weight of it proved somehow to be too much for her and before she could act on it, she let go of the mug, loosing strength in her hand and the once silent atmosphere was filled by the shattering sound of porcelain. 

     - Shit. - she mumbled as she leaned down to grab the big shards, putting them on top of the balcony, before bracing her hands on the edge of it, forcefully shutting her eyes. One of the servants, alarmed by the sound, came rushing in, immediately grabbing a mop and brush. - It’s alright, I can clean it. 

    - We don’t want you to hurt yourself, m’am. - the man smiled at her before dismissing her from the kitchen. Y/N climbed up to her bedroom, getting dressed in a regular beige dress before going out of the house, basket in arms. She thought about collecting some plants for the house and so she made her way to the Elysium. 

The sound and smell of nature at its bloom immediately brought a smile back to her face. Some trees had begin to show its fruits and most of the flowers were in bloom. She collected some flowers and fruits before taking a seat on one patch of grass watching the souls carelessly live their life. However one particular soul caught her attention. 

    - Mum? - she furrowed her brows, lips slightly parted as she got onto her feet watching a figure that looked particular like her mother. - Mum! 

She dropped her basket, bunching the fabric of her dress in her hands as she rushed over to the figure. It was her mother, it looked like her mother, the same hair, the same eyes and the same warming smile she got whenever she rushed into her bedroom after a terrifying nightmare as a child. Her mother however looked at her like she didn’t know her, turning on her back to join some other souls.

    - Mum! - Y/N called out once again but her mother only ignored her and soon enough she could feel her tears rolling down her cheek. - Mum, please

    - Y/N. - a familiar voice called out her name. She turned around to see the redhead goddess of witchcraft with a worried look on her face, she could even say care. - She doesn’t remember you, Y/N. Elysium souls have no recollection of their mortal lives. 

    - But she’s my mum. How can she not know who I am? - Hecate’s heart clenched at the words that sounded way too similar to those once spoken by James once he became the King of the Underworld. She tightened her lips, patting the girl on her shoulder and handing her the basket she had previously dropped.

    - We should probably go meet Hades. - she put her other hand on her shoulder, successfully removing her from here she was standing and taking her to the path that led to where she had least seen James which was in the Fates domain within the Elysium. The Fates’ side of the Elysium was always something rather odd, even for Hecate. Y/N watched as they passed halls and halls of name boxes with several coloured orbs.

    - What are those? - she pointed to the orbs that were inside the box containing James’ name, her curiosity perking up. 

   - Memory orbs. The Fates control and keep every single memory experienced by a god or mortal, I’ve heard their colour determine what type of memory. 

   - I think I wanna look around. - Y/N stated and Hecate stopped to pounder. She probably would be able to find the god of the dead quicker if Y/N wasn’t stopping every inch of the way to question about something that sparked her interest. 

   - Okay but stay here, don’t go wandering off! - she sternly said before going off her way to find James. Y/N watched as her figure disappeared in the hall and immediately rushed to James box, carefully pushing it out onto her arms and then onto the floor. Her eyes shined as she looked at the pretty colours flow inside the orbs, a special red one calling for her attention. Y/N knew she shouldn’t pick it, she shouldn’t be curious, these were James’ memories and she shouldn’t be lurking on them but her curiosity got the best of her and she immediately grabbed the red orb. What she wasn’t expecting was the sudden feeling on her left arm, almost feeling it being teared off which made her drop the orb onto the ground. Hand flying to hold her left arm as the orb rolled a bit away from her, flashes of someone screaming Bucky’s name and the harsh feeling of cold snow and sorrow rushing through her as if they were her memory. She stared at it, unbelieving to what had just happened and to the pain that had lodged itself on her left arm yet nothing was harming her and no injury was seen in sight. 

   - Y/N? - she heard James’ voice and immediately tried to place the orb back on its box which only made the pain return which in turn made her drop the orb once again. In no time James’ had localised her, his eyes going from the box with his name and the red orb on the floor to Y/N’s laying against the shelf of boxes, her hand holding onto her left shoulder. His lips tightened as he crutched down to where she was laying. - What are you doing?

   - I saw my mum. - she decided to sway the topic but the one she had swayed to somehow hurt her. - She didn’t know me. 

   - Don’t take it personally, sunflower. - he kissed her temple, flesh hand coming to caress her cheek. - It happens to everyone. My parents, my sister, even my friend don’t remember who I am.

   - Why? Why do you make them forget if they’re in paradise?

   - I guess the memory of leaving their loved ones in the mortal realm pains them too much. Would work more like a punishment. 

   - What about you? Isn’t that punishment to you too?

   - No, sunflower. I remember them all.

   - That’s not what I mean ... they don’t remember you. - she leaned her head against the bookcase, staring into his blue eyes. - Isn’t that too harsh of a punishment for a god?

   - The only punishment is being alive, sunflower. Not forgetfulness, not remembering, it’s still being alive after so long.

   - James ... - she took her hand way from her shoulder to cup his cheek, caressing it ever so slightly. She brought her face closer to him, lightly pecking his lips. 

   - We should go, this is no place for you. - he cleared his throat, getting up from his sitting position and offering her his hand. She however did not take it, still feeling the ghost pain in her left arm. - It’s not real, Y/N. You are okay.

   - I can feel it. - she looked up through her lashes at him. - What happened?

   - It’s not important.

   - Why do you always do that? - she knew she shouldn’t be mad, heck he should be the one mad at her but with all that had happened today so far, something in her snapped. - Why do you always tell me it’s not important when it clearly is? Don’t you trust me?

   - Of course I do, sunflower. You just don’t need to know about my past, it’s irrelevant. 

   - Is that memory the one of how you lost your arm? - she pressed him, looking away from his arm to the orb. - Is that what happened? 

   - Y/N, don’t question me. Come up. 

   - You are not the boss of me. - she ignored the hand he had offered to her, instead holding onto one of the shelf’s wooden bars and getting up by herself, storming off. 

   - Y/N, stop. - Bucky took the tone he normally took with his employees which immediately made her stop and turn to look at him before storming off again in a huff. - Y/N, cut it off. Damn it, I’m ordering you to stop. 

   - You’re not ordering me to do anything. You’re not my King and you will not talk to me as if you were. 

   - There is a lot of stuff that you don’t understand, Y/N. 

   - Then explain it to me. - she almost begged him. 

   - I cant.

   - Why not?

   - BECAUSE YOU WOULDN’T LOVE ME IF I FUCKING DID, Y/N. - he held her forearms, looking at her with what looked like tears starting to accumulate near the corner of his eyes, ready to roll down his cheeks. - You don’t know half of it and if you did you wouldn’t have spoken to me.

   - I would. 

   - No, you ...

   - I know you were the Winter Soldier. - she blurted out casually, almost as if she was talking about the weather. Truth was she knew, after he had told her about Steve it didn’t take long for the memories of when she went to the museum to hit her. She knew an abbreviated form of the story, not exactly what he’d been through, but she knew. Bucky was taken aback by her statement, blue eyes wide staring at her. - I know you were the Winter Soldier and I love you.

Bucky was still staring at her, eyes fully wide as his brain still processed those words. She knew. Well, of course she knew, it wasn’t like she hadn’t grown up in the new age of superheroes. She just, she just didn’t appear to be the type of woman to care much for that. Yet there she was, arms crossed across her chest, calm complexion. 

   - Say something. - she bite onto her lip nervously. She let go of her crossed arm position, slowly padding towards him, her hand trailing from his metal one to his shoulder, fingers dancing on the place where metal met flesh. - Please. 

   - What do you want me to say? - he leaned his head on her touch, thoughts running through his mind of how his fellow deities would react to him being this submissive to a mortal of no god birth or immortal blood. - Because I sincerely don’t know what to tell you, Y/N. 

    - Do you wanna tell me how it happened? I know how it felt and I’d rather hear it from you.

   - Not today. - he kissed the top of her head. - I will, just not today. 

Y/N left Bucky to do his work despite his complaints of wanting to be with her after seeing her mother. She knew better about not messing with the Spring Festival which was fast approaching. The sooner it got, the least she saw of James with all the preparations and meeting with Zeus that Bucky wouldn’t let her hear or even be nearby. Soon enough, it was only one day until the Spring Festival and Hecate had invited her to be with her nymphs for the opening ceremony, something she had been rather excited over as that meant she wouldn’t have to mingle with the rest of the gods and goddesses who mostly did not enjoy her presence or the fact she was with the King of the Underworld. 

Y/N excitingly opened the box Hecate had delivered to James’ home in the early morning, happy to see what she was wearing. Following what the Charon and other nymphs had discussed with her, every nymph wore a colour and a flower in order to honour the goddess of spring and the harvest. As she removed the protective silk paper from the gown, she noticed her colour was white and in a smaller box near the dress was a hair crown of white roses. She guessed it made sense, considering the flower seemed to haunt her.

The day couldn’t come sooner and much to Bucky’s dismay Y/N was out the door in the morning, box in hand and headed to the Elysium, specially Persephone’s groves. All the nymphs were getting ready, laughter and song in the air along with various flowers thrown on the floor giving the dead nature of the grooves some sort of happiness. 

Y/N took to getting herself dressed before taking a place in one of the free vanities to do her hair. She looked around looking at the nymphs happily pining, curling and sewing their hair away in unbelievably hard hairstyles. Y/N tried her best to pull her hair up only to sigh and lean against her chair. 

       - I’ll give you hand. - Hecate walked from behind her, her stoic look still present on most her features as she grabbed the silver brush from the vanity. Y/N understood why Hecate wasn’t a fan of her, she, after all, was extremely passionate over her domains and protecting everything. 

      - Thank you. - she watched her reflection in the mirror as Hecate divided her hair in two and braided each section. Following, she grabbed a needle and white yarn, sewing the two braids together and upwards in what looked like a singular double braid that now wrapped itself around the lower part of her head from ear to ear. Hecate placed the brush on the vanity grabbing the crown of fresh white roses and placing it upon her head.

     - You’re all set. Come on. - Hecate rushed her to walk into where the celebrations were to set place. In the middle of the beautiful greenery there was a porcelain mast with various coloured ribbons which was started to being surrounded by various deities. - All the nymphs of the Underworld get a coloured ribbon the same as their gown and dance around the mast, wrapping the ribbon around it until it snaps. The ribbon that doesn’t snap is decided maiden of the harvest and gets to crown someone to be her consort with their own flower crown. The pair gets the first dance.

      - Oh, I’m a terrible dancer.

      - You probably won’t get it. You’d have to be greatly in favour of Gaia in order to get it. - she tightened her lips. - However, in the slightest chance you get the honour of being chosen maiden, remember to pick Apollo, Priapus even. Any of the gods related to the act of love and beauty will suffice, it’s good to be in their graces.

Y/N stood in line with the other nymphs, her eyes scouting the crowd for her Bucky, but it was him who found her first, watching from afar as some minor gods spoke of various new achievements and demigods they’re fathered. However, now that he had spotted her, he was much more interested in looking at her unless of listening to them. He watched as she scurried around like a nervous little nymph to the mast, grabbing the white ribbon and finally took in her whole appearance, judging her to be officially the prettiest of all living things. Hecate ordered Apollo and his muses to start the sweet music that filled Elysium’s air which made the nymphs and Y/N start to go around the pole. 

Her eyes left the pole for a few seconds, watching as every single god and goddess of the Greek pantheon watched in awe before immediately turning to look at the pole, watching the pink and purple ribbons snap away causing some disgruntled noises for a few moments. One by one most ribbons snapped away until hers and a blue one were the only ones standing. Y/N sighed, ready to go back to James, expecting her to be the next one to snap until the sound of ripping fabric removed her from her thoughts. However, instead of seeing her own arm freed from the ribbon, she watched as the last blue ribbon laid on the ground and her own still tightly wrapped around her wrist. 

She quickly unwrapped the ribbon of her wrist, quickly massaging it before bringing both hands to take her own rose crown off her head as she stared at the crowd in front of her like a deer in headlights. A few gods cleared their throats, smirks on their faces, clearly expecting the honour to be bestowed upon them. Hecate’s words rang like heavy bells in her head but she was never one to follow them and soon enough she found herself walking towards the exact and only person she knew would be worth such bestowment. Next to him, stood Ares and Zeus who quite conceitedly took a step forward only to wide their eyes as the mortal woman who had just been chosen by Gaia’s forces to be the maiden of the harvest placed her white rose crown confidently upon the head of the God of the Underworld.

     - Now, what about that. - she could hear the goddess of love and beauty mumble under her breathe, somehow being the only deity not surprised by the odd choice. How ironic the maiden of the harvest had picked someone who did not even harvest the souls he ruled over. James rather surprisingly took her hand in his, guiding her to the middle of the circle the gods had created, turning his body to face hers. 

     - I can’t dance. - she whispered under her breath, ashamed anyone but him could hear it. 

     - I can dance well enough for both of us, sunflower.

tag list: @philogrobizedvee​​​​​​  @keithseabrook27​​​​​ @inlovewith3​​​​19 @nwbstan​ @romanoffs-heart​

[outrebanx]

Dragonfly - Chapter 5

JJ Maybank x female!reader series

Summary: Things are weird between you and JJ for a few days, but all is forgotten when he turns up on your doorstep, covered in bruises again

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: ANGST - mentions of abuse and death, injuries, maybe some swearing I cant remember

A/N: I love writing angst as I can relate to it so much more and it helped my mood today isn’t great but I hope the chapter flows well enough and people like it - and as always feedback is appreciated :) (little flashback in italics)

Catch up: Chapters 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 

You woke up to the sun shining into your room, turning over you were met with empty space, you opened your eyes to see nothing where JJ had been laying the night before. You had agreed to go to John B’s together, why would he leave without telling you?

You sat up, not understanding why you felt so hurt at him leaving, you had helped him, and him you last night, but I guess now he was sober, he didn’t want your help. You couldn’t spend too much time thinking about this though, you needed a shower desperately and then you were still going to head to John B’s, whether JJ was there or not.

Only once you’d got into the shower, did your mind finally focus on the pain you felt in your arms, the one Rafe had grabbed now had a dark purple bruise covering a lot of the forearm, and the hand you had punched him with was also swollen and it ached. This was possibly the worst way you’d woken up in a while, but in all honesty you didn’t want to deal with your injuries or spend anymore time thinking about JJ. So you quickly finished your shower, wrapped a bandage around your hand, took some painkillers and got ready for the day ahead.

John B’s house was quiet when you got to it, most likely John B (and the others if they crashed there) were still asleep, and you didn’t want to wake them, so you made your way to the end of the dock where you sat and looked over at the water, lost in thought.

You had been looking out on a calm water, similar to the marsh you were looking at now, your mum at your side, sitting in silence whilst you both listened to the sounds of nature around you. The birds in the trees chirping their songs like they do every morning, the wind making its way through the trees, rustling the leaves as it went, and the early buzzing of the insects around you. This had been the lake where you’d had your moment with the dragonflies, it truly felt like a magical place to you, as if it was out of a fairy tale.

Your mum and you had spent many mornings like this, enjoying the calm before the day revealed what it had in store for you, it gave you a chance to breathe.

This particular morning, your mum had dragged you out of bed to go here with her, neither of you ever bothered getting your dad to come as he was the opposite of a morning person, and you kind of liked the ritual staying between the two of you.

You had been sat there for around 10 minutes before your mum started speaking, “No matter what happens in life never forget this place or what it means to us.”

You looked at her in confusion, “what?”

“Promise me, please, that you won’t forget this Y/N.” Her eyes seemed pained enough that you didn’t ask her anymore questions and said instead, “Of course I promise.”

At this response your mum had just wrapped her arm around you and kissed the top of your head, not realising you had felt a tear fall onto the same spot a moment later.

-

You were shaken from this memory when you heard someone call your name, their footsteps heading towards you. You cursed yourself for allowing your thoughts to move towards that memory, still not ready to face some of the pain you felt, especially in a place where someone could see, so with the footsteps getting closer you quickly wiped away the couple of tears that had fallen without you realising and turned to see John B approaching you.

You smiled at him, “Morning sunshine, how are you feeling today?”

“Better than expected actually,” he sat down next to you, “how about you? How’s the hand?”

“To be honest it aches a little,” you moved it in front of him, showing him the bandage, “but maybe worth it if Rafe feels worse this morning.”

He laughed, “God let’s hope so, I’m not sure his ego will easily recover from being hit by a girl in front of other people.”

You two fell into an easy silence for a minute or two before John B got up, clapping his hands together, “Right, I think it’s time we tried to wake up the others,” he held out a hand to help you up, “come on.”

You grabbed his hand with your good one and made your way back to the Chateau, falling back slightly when he first went inside, but you took a breath and went in.

The sight you saw made you smile, Pope was in an unnatural position asleep on the pullout with Kiara half off the other side, also sleeping peacefully.

John B was heading to what was probably the spare room, most likely for JJ, when you said to him, your voice hushed, “What’s the best way to wake them up without being killed?”

“No method I’ve ever tried has really worked so do what you want, but good luck and don’t let them kill you.”

You laughed, put your hand to your forehead and saluted him, “Yes sir.”

He was still laughing when he disappeared into the room, you looked down at the pair in front of you, assessing how you could wake them up. In the end you decided to risk their annoyance, as with the awkward way they’d been sleeping, there was room in the middle for you to jump.

You launched yourself onto the bed, falling down between them and jolting the bed enough that Kie fell off in shock and Pope managed to smack himself in the face. The anger on their faces didn’t last long as the cackle you’d let out at the scene you’d just witnessed was just as funny to them, so soon you were all sat there, Kie still on the floor, just laughing together.

“Why the fuck are you all so loud?” You heard JJ from the door, the silence died down, on your part it was from shock at how rough he looked this morning, you’d frozen when you’d seen the number of bruises on his face, and you dreaded to think what his torso looked like under the shirt he was wearing.

You made eye contact with him, before he could do or say anything though, you looked away, instead looking at John B who had given you a thumbs up for your method of waking up Kie and Pope. You gave him a big smile and bowed slightly, causing him to chuckle.

The rest of the day went by quite quickly, at first it was quite calm, the others recovering from the hangovers they had, luckily you’d always managed to avoid hangovers somehow, and then for the rest of the day you were all out on the boat.

Throughout the day you had felt JJ’s eyes on you, probably waiting for you to talk to him, but you avoided his eyes, still not sure you wanted to talk to him, especially with how your emotions had broken through your barriers that morning on the dock. On days that happened you were usually careful in avoiding any sort of emotional situation, and you felt like talking to JJ about why he had left without saying anything could become emotional, so even if it made you look a little bitchy, you did your best to avoid him.

Unfortunately Kie had picked up on how you were acting and pulled you to the side, away from the boys who were chatting at the wheel of the boat.

“Hey, what’s happened between you and JJ?”

“Nothing, I’m just not in the mood for his antics today.”

“Bullshit, you’re actively avoiding him, he has a face of a hurt puppy, the boys haven’t picked up on it cos they’re idiots, but I’m not.” She crossed her arms waiting for your answer.

“I don’t know why he looks like a ‘hurt puppy’ as you say, all I know is I let him stay round mine last night because I didn’t want him walking home in the state he was in, and when I woke up this morning he had already left, not even leaving a note.”

Kie was about to speak but you continued on, “and I’m being truthful when I say nothing happened, I’ve just had a difficult morning, and talking to him might make it worse, so I’m helping myself instead of him today. Okay?”

She gripped your hand, squeezing it slightly, “I can talk to him if you want?”

“No it’s honestly fine, I just don’t want to deal with him much today.”

“Okay then, we will relax together, and have a JJ free day.”

You smiled at her, thankful you’d met someone like her, someone who didn’t push too much and understood your wishes.

The rest of the day played out smoothly, JJ didn’t try and approach you, but the group as a whole had a good day out. Good enough that you were exhausted by the time you got home, quickly saying hi to your dad and avoiding him seeing the bruise on your arm, then heading to bed where you fell into a deep sleep very quickly.

—————

The next few days you were back at work, and you almost never saw anyone from the group, apart from Kie obviously, who you had a couple of shifts with, but you still hadn’t really spoken to JJ since the night of the Kegger. You now wanted to though, and it annoyed you slightly that he hadn’t tried speaking to you, probably thinking you’d still be slightly distant with him - but this whole situation was more due to him than you, you thought.

You decided that as you had a day off tomorrow, and were probably going to see the Pogues, you would try to talk to JJ then - at least try to get things back to how they were before the other night. The plan now made out in your head, you began to relax slightly, no longer feeling the awkward pang in your chest when you thought of him.

The rest of your work day went by without any issue, and by the time you’d had a pizza with your dad for tea, you still weren’t that tired, so instead of laying in your bed for another night in a row, you decided to go surfing.

The beach was quiet when you got there, nobody really out at this time, and you liked it. The night sky was reflected on the water, the sounds of the waves calmed your mind and heart, but it was only when you were about to step into the water that you realised the water might be too calm to surf. You didn’t want to go back home just yet though, so you left your board on the beach, and dove into the waves.

After being under the water for a minute, you resurfaced, treading water and keeping an eye on your position so the currents couldn’t move you too much without you realising; you stayed like this for a while, every now and then going back under water for as long as you could manage. Eventually your body began to tire, and you swam back to shore, grabbing your board from where you left it and got back into your car to head home.

—————

You were unlocking the door to your house when you heard movement behind you, you tried not to react, instead thinking about what you could use to protect yourself if needed, unfortunately all you had were the keys in your hand, so you turned around, ready to see what was behind you.

The sight was not what you expected, it was worse, you were frozen as you looked at JJ, blood running down his face, new bruises already forming over the ones from the other night, he wasn’t putting much weight on one of his legs and he had tears in his eyes.

Quickly shaking yourself out of the shock you had felt, you rushed towards him, “Holy shit JJ, what’s happened? Are you okay?”

His voice was gravelly, as if he’d been shouting, or screaming you thought with a shiver, “I went to your window but you weren’t there, so I waited here - I can go if you want.”

“Absolutely not,” you took his hand, already pulling him in the direction of your house, “I’ll clean you up again, yeah?”

You had turned to see if he was going to answer, but all he did was nod slightly, a tear falling down his cheek. The sight broke your heart and it took all your willpower to not cry as well.

He was silent - silent when you indicated for him to sit on the counter like last time, silent whilst you cleaned out his cuts and put ice on his wounds, silent when you led him into your room and sat him down on your bed. The only noises he ever made were sniffles or a hiss of pain when you cleaned out a bad cut.

You didn’t know what to do, whether you should ask him if he wanted to talk or to leave him alone completely. You crouched down in front of where he was sat, eye level with him, “Hey, will you be alright if I leave you for like five minutes? I’ve been in the sea so I kinda need a shower, but I don’t have to if you want me here with you.”

He looked at you, and shook his head and pointed back to the bathroom, showing he was fine with you leaving. You weren’t used to this quiet version of JJ, it unnerved you and made you want to break down in tears, but you couldn’t, at least not in front of him. So in the few minutes you were in the shower, you allowed a few tears to fall, heartbroken at the sight of him like this, but by the time you were back in your room, there was no sign of the emotions you’d let out, you were just ready to help him in any way you can.

He had settled down into your bed when you got back, the bruises on his chest obvious even in the dim light of your room, you made your way into bed next to him, laying on your side so you were facing him.

“You obviously don’t have to talk about it, but if you do want to I’m here for you.” He looked at you and the hand you’d held out for him to hold if he wanted it.

He put his hand in yours, still not saying anything, so you squeezed it and waited.

After a minute or so, he began speaking, “Um my dad did this to me,” you couldn’t help but let out a gasp at this, “he does it to me quite a lot actually, it’s why I spend so much time at John B’s - tonight it was because I wasn’t in the best of moods and didn’t get him a beer when he asked, so he told me how worthless I am, and that he wished I was dead.”

He sniffled, avoiding looking at you after what he said, completely unaware of the tears that were falling down your face, no longer contained by your resolve.

You squeezed his hand, “I may not have known you for a long time, but I know for a fact you’re not worthless, and the world would be an awful place if you were dead.”

He looked at you, likely still not convinced about what you were saying, so you continued, “You were one of the first people I met when I moved here, and because of my mum’s death, I wasn’t in the best of places, but everyday I have spent with you and the Pogues since have made my life a happier place again, you have especially had a part in that.”

You smiled at him, and to your delight, he smiled back.

You two lay like that for a while, holding hands in a comfortable silence. To your surprise it was JJ who broke the silence, “I’m sorry.”

“What for?” You looked at him confused

“For leaving the other day without telling you, I just panicked because you saw me vulnerable and you were being so nice, I didn’t want you to see me differently or something, so I thought I’d leave.”

Just as you were going to respond, he continued talking, “and then you wouldn’t even look at me the next day and I thought I’d really messed up, and I was going to talk to you, but I don’t know, I just couldn’t bring myself to.”

Before he could continue rambling, and making himself feel worse again you interrupted, “Hey, you hadn’t messed up or anything, yes I was a little annoyed at you leaving without telling me, but I knew you must of had a reason, and I was having other issues that day so I wanted to avoid emotions and stuff if that makes sense.”

“Yeh it does, maybe you can talk to me about that stuff sometime if you’re up for it, and I’m really glad I haven’t messed anything up because I think I might like you Y/N.”

You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face, “That’s lucky, I think I might like you as well JJ Maybank.”

He pulled you closer, you put your head on his chest, careful not to hurt his bruises too much, and fell asleep like that, happy and content at the idea of being with the person beside you.

Taglist: @jellyfishbeansontoast @tangledinsparkles @k-k0129 @jjsbxtch @outerbankslove @obx-beach @emerald-xcd  @danicarosaline​ @belledutchess @teamnick​ @justcallmesams​ @claryherondaleparker​ 

[sukirichi]

TRACK 9 - the way i had to take breaks between certain paragraphs cos they were so goood and well written AHHHH let’s goooo. yn’s mum i just can’t understand why should would stay married to her huang after all the shit was done but we obviously can’t blame her for it but i just cAnT???? and yes what did she was selfish and cruel and if i was nagisa i would not have stayed with yn’s mum tbh but enough of them cos KITA MUSEUM DATE OMGOMOMG

i sobbed through it he’s just so perfect 😩 and this paragraph “I know. I see the way you look at me, and that’s enough. But this is the present and this is our world. This isn’t where you want to be and I’m not the one you wish was here with you. And that’s okay. Honestly, as long as you’re happy, then I am, too.” THE WAY I SCREAMED WHEN HE SAID THST HNGGGG lemme just pick my up my broken heart and comprehend my brain cells ❤️😭 businessman kita will be missed, the story of the painting was just chefs kiss and went through my emotions ahHhHh need me a date like that #single4lyfe

next up sunarin and mari fffs these two i’m glad suna confronted mari about the situation especially when he said he couldn’t love her the way she wants him too but mari still not understand that aRGH let him GOOOO not him calling her a lunatic after leaving LOOOL i do feel bad for mari when her parents kicked her out (was there a reason to why they would do that though like do not know that she’s with suna? and nagisa being a cctv around rin skskks I CANT LOL it’s like she’s tryna make yn more miserable with her shitty behaviour like she needs to stop forreal ???

BUT WHAT TRULEY HURT ME WAS THE LAST PART HOLY SHITTTTT words truely can’t explain i actually threw my phone away. yn and rin’s final talk before she leaves it was just so heart breaking but so content (if that makes sense) BUT THEN THAT CLIFF HANGER (pls be mari i’ll sob her death later and her child) IT CSNT BE RIN ILL ACTUALLY BE HEART BROKEN i need to know MORE! AHHHH who is surviving what js gonna happen now will yn board her flight ???omonogomg will there be a timeskip ??? truely a well written chapter and the flow was immaculate with the different emotions I LOVED IT AND THIS WHOLE SERIES phew this was long but thank you for your writing - 🌺 anon

HIBISCUS ANON HELLO <33 yeahhh bcos Lucy’s mindset was that she married the man and made promises to him that only death could separate them. she fed lies to YN that its ‘love’ and ‘certain sacrifices have to be made’ that’s why YN said if that’s how love is supposed to be like, then she’d rather not feel anything at all 😔

OH MY GOSH OKAYYY resident kita and osamu simp here pls let me INDULGE but the thing about YN and Kita is that they could’ve been. they almost fell in love with each other. that’s why their dynamic hurts me so much bcos YN knows Kita is a kind person, she knows she’d be happier with him but her heart keeps saying that it’s always going to be Suna - Kita understands this. it’s not always going to be ‘choose the better one.’ bcos if that was the case then YN would’ve dated Kita a long time ago bcos she likes him too !! she’s attracted and cares for him, but she also knows she can’t make Kita happy the way he deserves and she doesn’t want to hurt him like that ☹ that’s why Kita is like ‘i see the way you look at me and that’s enough.’ that’s him saying “i know you like me too but not as much as you like suna and the fact you could’ve loved me had we met in different circumstances is enough for me.” YEAH, KITA SHINSUKE 💔

also yeah, mari hasn’t even graduated from college yet and her getting preggo unplanned was uncalled for. they were disappointed in her. and omg yeah exactly, YN already boarded her plane when the accident happened and she was most likely sleeping on the flight so she didn’t know about it 😭 knowing her intention of leaving was to start fresh, she wouldn’t keep tabs on suna either. OMG BABE THANK YOU SO MUCH I ENJOYED THIS, thank you for reading and taking the time to send me this, i appreciate you lots 🥺💕

[acciostorian]

mae reads the kane chronicles: the serpent’s shadow the red pyramid

(aka we see mae go through many emotions in the space of 2-3 days)

holy fuck ive only got to the contents and the chapters have those classic pjo click bait titles i’m so happy rn

WAIT IM SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT- the serpent’s shadow is the THIRD BOOK. uh-oh i almost fucked this whole series over lemme change the book real quick....

i’m literally on the first page and i’ve already been sent on a mission, so the kanes are THOSE bitches

SADIE AND KANE ARE BRITISH???? omg yes please

THEYRE IN LONDON MY HOME

never fucking mind they’re from LA

oh wait sadie was raised as a british kid. that’s very sexy of her.

carter be like, “you wouldn’t be interested in my dad’s lectures.” SHUT UP CARTER I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT EGYPTIAN PUNISHMENT

so sadie was raised in east london???? THATS SO SEXC BECAUSE ME TOO BOO

sadie has a british accent. a b r i t i s h a c c e n t.

FIT

“six years in london and she thinks she’s james bond” LMAO

sadie’s so emo/alt i love it. does rick always write his characters like this??

sadie pronounces it “mum” and carter says “mom”

it’s so refreshing to read mum ngl

sadie said bloke omg

i’m feeling carter’s pain. little sisters are shits and honestly sadie has the same vibes as my little sister and me and carter are quite similar. i hate this.

oh wow they really said sadie was too white for their family...

sadie did not HESITATE to be like, “yeah dad we’ll lock that guy in his office. mint.”

sadie telling the story is an experience

sadie said “maths” and “mates” in the same sentence. this is some refreshing shit.

sadie’s friends saying carter is hot is fucking hilarious. like it’s a classic piss-off to thirst over your mate’s sibling

THEYRE GETTING DEPORTED????

LMAO AMOS WAS LIKE, “yeah we don’t talk about manhattan. they’ve got their own problems. *cough percy jackson cough*”

i read thoth the god of knowledge as thot the god of knowledge

carter is right, amos has undeniable swag

philip of macedonia. the crocodile. cool.

i love how the greeks and romans be like “if we don’t honour the gods we’ll get SLAUGHTERED” and the egyptians are like “you know what? fuck the gods me and my homies hate the gods”

sadie kane would stab you in a back alley and dance to mcr as you bled to death and carter kane would take you to a museum, tell you everything about everything and then commit a terrorist attack

amos really went “don’t touch anything, the cats in charge and peace out bitches” and then fucking jumped off the balcony of his five storey mansion

sadie made that door go BANG

that fucking clay statue came to life and not one of them screamed. I WOULD SHIT MYSELF.

i’m giggling, all the greek/roman gods have really long/scary/cool sounding names like tartarus and chaos and nyx but the evilest guy in egyptian myth is called set. S E T.

please make muffin some crazy badass animal like crookshanks or swiftwind.

WHO DARES THROW HANDS WITH PHILIP?????

THE SHABTI FUCKING STOLE AN ARTEFACT THATS AMAZING

i love carter sm, even tho he’s scared as fuck he still picked up that ancient sword and was like “ig i’ll bash some heads in whilst sadie holds the cat”

MUFFIN JUST TURNED INTO SOME WARRIOR CAT LADY AND SHE INSTANTLY GAVE ME CATRA VIBES

every cat in new york is helping them

bast jacked that car like it was nobody’s business

i used to think the greek gods were stupid for having so many things to control but honestly the egyptians are taking the piss, do you really need a whole scorpion goddess?

the kane siblings are written so well. like i actually BELIEVE they’re siblings

i think carters gonna become a comfort character now... like i relate on another level. little siblings always take the spot light and you have to act level headed and calm because the younger ones start shit and you’re like “i gotta be the good one because my family would fall to shit if i didn’t behave.” so big kudos to carter, i love you

so carter’s a king huh? I DIDNT NEED YOU TO TELL ME THAT RICK I ALREADY KNEW HE WAS

zia was like “king tut?? ugh he was such a boy, there were waaaaay cooler tombs out there x x”

i read “nectanebo II” as “nintendo II” and i was like ??? when was that a thing

i drinking camomile tea whilst reading this and i feel so peaceful uwu

sadie really can do magic like THAT like bitch be like “i just copied what zia did and yeah it worked lol”

okay so i’m sorta feeling bad about sadies life rn but i’m still very pro carter

set’s laugh makes me uncomfortable. because when most villains laugh it’s usually described like “their laugh was like a knife, cold and sharp. i hates it.” but when sadie discribed set’s laugh she was like “it was warm and friendly. beautiful.” LIKE AAAA THATS A RED LIGHT

set: the god of theatre because gods dam is he a good actor

sadie saw some hot emo guy and was like “omg marry me”

iskandar be like “lmao imma speak in alexandria greek all the time but this girl bouta die? i switch to perfect english for dramatic effect”

woooOooaaaah SLOW DOWN THERE BUDDY, tongue tattoos???

zia: you guys will probably suck at this at first but oh well we all can’t be great

sadie: *makes fire first time* wooosh

sadie and kane: *doing cool shit* me and my tea: sluuuurrrp

bast is so sassy i love it

me when it’s a sadie chapter: okay ig :/

me when it’s a carter chapter: HOLY SHIT CARTER HEY OMG YOURE DOING CRAZY STUFF???? COOL. i love you.

bast: so yeah, you’d be stupid to teleport to paris, this is desjardin’s home territory

sadie and kane, lying in the streets of paris: oh cool cool

sadie: like i might die rn but i don’t care, as long as it doesn’t get filmed and put in youtube, that would be embarrassing

like ???? sis get your priorities together smh

sadie: *sees hot emo guy again in her spirit adventure, he hints that’s he’s dead or something*

also sadie: so will i see you again?

“no, an egyptian drink. you’ve heard of hot chocolate? this is rather like hot vanilla.” dam now i want some.

carter is an amazing older brother. he’s written perfectly and he’s a great character to relate to for me. even though sadie can make his blood boil, he dropped everything to calm her down when she was panicking about not being able to change back from a bird. i too have to do that for my little sister - sadie and ava are ironically the same age - so i find that very comforting that there is someone like me to relate to!

‘a businessman with a rolling suitcase was waiting by the doors. his eyes widened when he saw me. i must’ve looked pretty strange — a tall black kid in dirty, ragged egyptian clothes, with a weird box tucked under one arm and a bird of prey perched on the other.

‘“how’s it going?” i said. “i’ll take the stairs.” he hurried off.’ LMAO THIS IS WHY CARTER BABY I LOVE YOU

highkey pissed that carters like “i’m always edgy around the police. once i turned eleven they started giving me the Look. when it doesn’t happen it’s always a pleasant surprise.” LIKE FUCK NO HE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO WALK AROUND UNHASSLED WHATS WRONG WITH HIM

lmao bast be like “imma jump off this national monument. see ya at the airport in my finest clothes and jewellery x”

FOOD UPDATE: i’m eating a chocolate covered waffles and having some tea and i feel so happy rn sorry i know you don’t care but like aaaaaaa

bast called carter her little tomcat and my heart exploded

bast really likes convertibles huh

thoth: i hate rereading my old writing, my present self would never write like this now!! SOMEONE GET ME A RED PEN

are they... are they going to dig up elvis presley?

might put some elvis in for this part, y’know, to set the mood?

i cant stop reading ‘thoth’ as thot even though i know how to pronounce it

the captain with a axe for a head: my name is bloodstained battle axe 😸

yuh bast did some shit ...

imma stop now because spoilers, GO READ THE KANE CHRONICLES THEY ARE THE MOST UNDERRATED RIORDANVERSE BOOKS X X

[something-tofightfor]

Tipping Point - 13

Pairing: Benjamin Greene x Reader

Word Count: 9025

Rating: NSFW-ish (There’s some language. Some adult themes. Some... zest.)

Summary: Finally back at your place, you and Benjamin spend the second to last day (and night) of his trip together - and a couple of very unexpected things happen. 

Author’s Note: This one got long too, but I couldn’t cut it in any other place. (I’m sorry) Getting this chapter right was really important to me - because it shows you what Benjamin’s true motivations are... as well as gives you (as a reader) a stronger sense of who this Reader really is, too.

He opened his eyes, blinking to focus them. This bed is… Stretching, Benjamin’s arm brushed against the balled-up blanket next to him and he turned his head toward it. What time is it? He pushed himself up with both hands, looking around the empty room. Obviously after nine. Benjamin rubbed a hand over his head and yawned, rolling out his neck. Downstairs. He got out of the bed and moved across the room and to the dresser, his gaze landing on the postcard that you’d picked up to show him only a few nights earlier before they moved down to the things that were on top of it - bottles of perfume, a brush, a small tray that was filled with jewelry. I don’t know why I’m looking, I won’t… I won’t be here much longer. 

 Benjamin turned away from the mirror, reaching for the t-shirt he’d removed the night before and pulled it on over his head, grabbing for his glasses on the nightstand and then leaving the room, making his way down the hallway. The two of you had spent a few extra hours downtown - managing to get tickets to the Skydeck as well as taking a guided architecture tour that put you on a boat that traveled along the shoreline and up the river. Sunny skies and warm but not hot temperatures had made it pleasant for both of you, and Benjamin knew that he’d think back on the trip often. We’ve got the pictures to prove it, too. 

 There were very few pictures of him and Julia - and there’d been even fewer of him with Allie, but in Chicago? He had photographic proof that you’d happily accompanied him almost everywhere he’d been. And I didn’t even have to convince her. Benjamin grinned as he made it down the final few steps and turned toward the room that he’d slept in for the first few weeks of his stay - the room you’d had turned into your home office. 

 The door was shut almost all the way, and though he paused before knocking, trying to listen and make sure you weren’t on the phone, he didn’t need to. “Come in, Benjamin. I hear the floor creaking.” Grinning wider, he pushed the door open, stepping inside and meeting your eyes. “It’s about time you woke up.” 

 “It’s barely nine.” He licked his lips, sitting on the arm of the couch, just behind you at the desk. “You act like it’s midday.” You laughed at that, reaching back with one hand and waiting until Benjamin took it in his, squeezing your fingers tightly. “I didn’t even hear your alarm, you -”

 “It didn’t go off.” You shrugged. “But you were out, Benjamin. You didn’t move, even when I was getting my clothes out of the closet.” I must have… needed the sleep. “I’ve got a conference call in about fifteen minutes, and then…” He leaned forward, cutting you off with a kiss - one that ended much too quickly for him. 

 “I won’t bother you. Just wanted to say good morning.” You were smiling when he pulled away, keeping his face close to yours. “Get back to work, I’ll go into the other room after I eat.” He felt your fingertips on his cheek and heard you sigh; a contented sound that he didn’t think he’d ever get enough of. “I’ve got some calls to make, anyway… Zac reached out while we were downtown, and so did Leo, so…” 

 “Sounds good, Benjamin.” You leaned back in your chair, Benjamin still leaning forward. “When I’m done here I’ve got to do some stuff outside. Eric said he’d cut the grass for me while we were gone, but he didn’t, and I cant put it off until Sunday night -”

 “I’ll do it now.” Benjamin stood, nodding. “Not a big deal, as long as the noise won’t -”

 “No, I can’t ask you to…” But he held up his hand, raising his eyebrow. “If… if you’re sure, you can…” I’m sure. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but… have you ever -”

 “Yes.” He laughed. “Julia normally had people come in and cut, but I’ve used a mower before.” He shrugged. “I’ll manage.” 

 “Go into the garage through the kitchen, and just press the button to open it. The gas is -”

 “I said I’ll manage.” He laughed again, leaning in and letting his lips rest against your cheek. “Get back to work.” Benjamin turned and walked back to the door, glancing over his shoulder at you before stepping back into the hallway. “Hey.” You turned to look back at him, one side of your mouth rising in a half smile. This feels too normal, too… right. He gripped the wooden door frame for a moment and then shook his head. Don’t question it. “When you’re done with work, can I…” He paused, straightening his shoulders. “Can I take you out to dinner?” You didn’t hesitate before you answered. 

 “Yes.” Chewing on your lip, you nodded. “I’d like that very much, Benjamin.” So would I. 

 A few minutes later, Benjamin was in your kitchen, standing in front of the stove and using a rubber spatula to carefully cook an omelette. As the pillowy eggs began to bubble around the edges, he reached over, grabbing a handful of cheese and sprinkling it over the surface before folding it over onto itself. Breakfast and then outside before it gets too hot. That way… when she’s done, we’ve got the whole night together.  He slid the eggs onto a waiting plate and then pulled two slices of bread from the toaster. I’ll have to look up places near here. Turning to the table, he frowned. This is the only date we’ll be … He sat, palms flat against the wooden surface of your table as he stared down at his plate. The only actual date we’ll be able to have while I’m here. 

 --- 

 Two hours later, Benjamin was stretched out on your bed, phone in his hands and his hair still wet from the shower he’d taken after mowing your front and back yards. Thankfully, there’d been a pair of Eric’s old Nikes for him to wear, and Benjamin hadn’t had to mow in his boots. I would have if I’d needed to, though. He grinned, staring up at the ceiling. Your lunch break fell while he was in the back yard, and more than a few times, Benjamin felt your eyes on him through one of the windows, watching as he mowed. He’d gone back inside to a large glass of ice water and a sandwich waiting on the counter for him, and after gulping it down, he’d gone straight to the shower, spending long minutes under the cold spray to remove the sweat and grass clippings from his skin, mentally reminding himself not to get used to the way he felt. 

 Find a restaurant. Call Zac. Message Leo. But Benjamin didn’t do those things in order, and to his surprise, he found himself pressing the button to call Leo first, mentally calculating the time difference in his head as the phone rang. He should be out of work, by now, and at home and - “Benjamin! How’s America treating you?” He cleared his throat, staring at the ceiling. That’s a loaded question. 

 “I’m… having a good time.” It’s not the whole truth. “I’ve seen a lot, Leo, it’s been…” He heard the younger man scoff on the other end of the line. “What?”

 “Mum’s about having a conniption over your trip.” That didn’t take long. “She came in to London on Wednesday for dinner with Patrick an’ me, and didn’t shut up about it.” 

 “Leo, she called me last weekend, said she couldn’t have been happier that it was finally over, I don’t -”

 “She said that, Benjamin. And she badmouthed you and that American girl you’re staying with, saying that you deserve each other, but she’s hurt.” She has no right to be hurt, I tried everything. I wanted to save the marriage, I… “Patrick agreed with her, of course, swearing and calling you every name in the book and reminding her that she saved herself loads of trouble by getting away from you quickly, but…” Leo paused. “Benjamin, mate, you look… you look happy.” I am. “And it’s not like there’s anything going on with you and… what’s her name again?” He reminded Leo absently, frowning. “You told me before you left that she’s seeing someone, yeah?” Yeah. Well. 

 “Yeah, Leo, about that.” Leo laughed, the sound clear through the speaker. “No, it’s not like that, Leo. Their relationship wasn’t what I thought it was, but… that’s not the point.” What is the point? “She’s happy to have her brother home, and -”

 “Looks like she’s spending quite a lot more time with you than she is with her brother, Benjamin.” You can tell this from pictures? Really? “Whatever makes you happy, yeah?” Yeah. “I’m surprised you called, though. You could have just sent back a text, it‘s what I’dve done.”

 “Yeah, well, you said you had something to ask me?” He heard Leo take a breath. “Leo?”

 “Yeah, look, Benjamin.” Leo paused. “I needed… I needed to ask you if…” Whatever this is, it’s… “I’ll be applying to a few places, and I wanted to see if I could use you as a reference. You know, a character reference, just since… since we lived together for all that time.” What? “You’re not technically related, and I know that we’ve had our -”

 “Yes. Of course, Leo.” Genuinely shocked, Benjamin sat up. “I’m not sure what I can tell them if they call, but…”

 “You saw me when I was working with Kieran, and I’m sure… I’m sure you can say something about how I’ve matured and… I donno, Benjamin, they might not call, and I…” 

 “Stop. I’ll sort it out if anyone calls, Leo.” He closed his eyes. “What did you mark me down as, though? I’ll need to -”

 “Family friend. A bit of a fib, but…” Benjamin laughed. “Seeing as I’m the only one in the family that really thinks of you that way, but…” You do? “Anyway, Sara and I are heading out to see a movie tonight, but I’m glad that I talked with you before we left.” 

 “I am too, Leo.” Benjamin stood, beginning to pace the small space between the foot of the bed and your dresser. “We’ll need to get together for that pint when I’m back, and you can  -”

 “No. You can tell me about your trip to Chicago, Benjamin. And everything that’s happened while you’re there.” There was a short pause. “I bet there’s a lot that the pictures don’t show, yeah?” 

 “You’re a lot smarter than people give you credit for, Leo Day.” Both men laughed, and when they’d hung up, Benjamin quickly typed out a response to Zac instead of calling, not expecting a reply. That’s sorted, then. Benjamin continued to pace for a few seconds and then headed downstairs, settling onto the couch and turning the TV on, idly flipping through channels. Plenty of time to look up a place to eat. She works for another three hours. 

 But the early wake-up coupled with the difficulty of cutting your lawn in the building heat only added to the lingering fatigue he felt from a few days of walking around the large city, and within minutes, Benjamin was slumped down against one arm of the couch, fast asleep. 

 --- 

 “Hey.” He felt a hand on his arm at the same time as he heard your voice. “Benjamin.” I’m dreaming. “If you’re going to sleep, at least lay down.” He cracked an eye open, seeing that you’d perched in front of him on the edge of your coffee table. “You must be -”

 “Come here.” Benjamin swallowed, pulling himself up into a sitting position. “I didn’t mean to … to fall asleep.” He rubbed a hand over his face, still waking up. How long did I sleep for? “What time is it?” He questioned you as you settled onto his lap, head leaning against his shoulder. “Are you done with -”

 “Yeah, I’m done for the day, Benjamin.” He kissed the top of your head, arms wound tightly around you. “I went upstairs when I finished, but you weren’t there, and then I found you sleeping here, and I didn’t want to wake you up.” He heard the uncertainty in your voice and felt the way your fingers curled against his chest. 

 “But?” You sighed. 

 “But this is the second to last night you’ll be here, and I didn’t think you’d want to spend it sleeping sitting up on my couch.” You’re right. “But if you -”

 “No. I want to take you out. On a…” He paused before he said the word, testing it out in his mind before making it reality. “On a date.” He hadn’t been out on a date - a real date since Julia’s birthday weekend, but the word felt natural coming out of his mouth in relation to you. I know we had downtown, but...“Only if you want to, though, I know that we’ve not gotten to that point yet, but we… I just…” He was fumbling with his words - not because he didn’t think you wanted to go out with him, but he didn’t know how you’d feel about the word date being used. “It doesn’t have to be a date, we can just go out as friends and -” You sat straight up, lips pressed together, but didn’t say anything. “Why are you looking at me like that?” 

 “Are you done?” Done what? “I can be ready in twenty minutes, Benjamin.” What? “If you think,” you said, speaking quietly and leaning in, biting one corner of your lip. “That after this last few days? After … this?” You gestured between the two of you, tone serious. “That I wouldn’t want it to be… a real date?” You kissed him, Benjamin leaning into the softness of it, the surety. “You’re crazy.” He tightened his hold on you even though the kiss was brief, his heart thudding in his chest. “And I already know you’re not crazy, Benjamin Greene.” You spread your fingers against his chest, palm flat. “So I’ll go get changed.” 

 You stood before he could say anything, pushing off of his lap and moving back toward the door. “Wait.” He was dazed - still waking up and surprised at how serious you were being with him. “Where do you… what do you want to eat, I need to narrow things down a bit, I’m sure there are tons of restaurants, and I want to be sure you -”

 “I’m not picky, Benjamin.” You shrugged. “We could go down the street to get burgers and I wouldn’t care.” What a difference. He thought back to Julia - to the way she’d turned her nose down at much of the Shard’s menu, at the idea of cooking at the flat, of ordering take-away on nights when they’d been occupied until late. This is so different. “But.” You crossed your arms. “There’s a place called Francesco’s. It’s… a little bit of a cliche, because… Italian, but the food’s good, and they change their specials twice a day.” You grinned. “So it’s kind of always a surprise what they’ll actually have.”

 “That keeps it interesting, right?” You nodded, agreeing, and then turned and left the room, leaving Benjamin alone. This is really happening, then. He gave himself a few minutes and then stood, too, following you out of the room. Instead of going upstairs, though, Benjamin returned to your office, already trying to decide what to wear. I’ve already made a good impression on her, but now I have to make a lasting one. 

 --- 

 “That was,” Benjamin said, pushing his plate away. “The best chicken I think I’ve ever eaten.” You laughed, taking a long drink through your straw. “Don’t you think so?” You’d gotten something else - having already had the dish that Benjamin had chosen - but he’d made you taste it once it had been delivered, unable to believe that something so good had come from such a nondescript restaurant.

 “No, it’s good Benjamin.” You shrugged. “I guess I just didn’t think you’d be so excited about -”

 “I am.” He reached across the table, squeezing your hand. “And it was, and I can’t think of a better meal to have ended this trip with.” We’ve still got tomorrow, but I don’t want to assume. “Thank you for suggesting this place, I’m glad we came.” 

 “Last meal?” You shook your head, eyes flicking to the waitress, who brought your check and set it in front of Benjamin, standing the case up on his side of the table. He stopped himself from grabbing for it immediately, though you made no move for it either, aside from nodding at the woman before she retreated. “Benjamin, you’ve got one more night here, which means one more dinner.” Good. “Since you brought me here tonight, can I…” You gestured to the case, but didn’t reach for it as Benjamin shook his head no. “Can I take you out for ice cream on the way home then?” Ice cream? “Or do you want me to throw some money in for the tip? I -” She’s not assuming, she’s asking. 

 “No.” He grinned, nose wrinkling. “Well, yes to the ice cream, but no to you paying. This is… I wanted to do this for you.” You leaned back in your chair, eyes on him as he scanned the receipt, pulling out cash instead of his card. I’ve got to use it before I leave, I might as well… 

 “Then I’ll pay next time.” You took a breath. “Whenever that might be.” Damn. He tried not to react to your words, but couldn’t hold back his wince. It might be a while. “But.” You stood, tilting your head to the side. “It’s a Friday, and it’s summer, which means that Graeter’s is probably going to be busy, so the sooner we get there…” He stood too, and as you walked through the small restaurant and toward the door, Benjamin stared after you. I don’t want to leave. You made it to the parking lot, stopping before you unlocked your door and turning back to face him. “I’m sorry that this isn’t… that it’s just… just cheap Italian in a strip mall, and not -” 

 He took the final steps toward you, backing you up against the side of your car and shook his head. “Stop.” He kissed you, the surprised sound you made at the action burning itself into his brain, and when he pulled back, he repeated himself. “Stop saying things like that. This is exactly where I want to be and what I want to be doing. You said it yourself. You would have been happy with a hamburger, and so would I.” I would have. “Before Julia? Before all the home cooking and the nice restaurants? I survived on cheap takeaway and convenience foods.” He leaned in again, nuzzling the side of your face. “I prefer simple.” He chuckled, feeling your hands on his sides, the pressure from your touch steady. “Always will.” And I mean it. 

 “If you say so.” You sounded uncertain, but didn’t push him away, Benjamin’s hands resting on your hips. “But we’re in a parking lot, Benjamin, and this is…” You let out your breath. “Pushing it.” He hadn’t realized how close he was standing to you; your bodies pressed together, your back flush against the cool metal of your car door, and Benjamin backed away first, still not pulling his hands away from you completely. 

 “One of these times,” he promised you, eyes locked with yours. “I won’t… we won’t have to worry about anyone else.” You seemed surprised at his words, but nowhere near as surprised as Benjamin was. Since when do I… “Forget it. Let’s just go… ice cream.” You nodded, finally breaking eye contact, and as you turned to unlock your door, Benjamin walked to the other side, his heart beating wildly. “I’m sorry if that crossed the line.” He settled in, buckling his seatbelt. “I don’t know what…” 

 “Don’t apologize.” You reached over with one hand, squeezing his knee. “You just said what we were both thinking.” Both of us? Does that mean… “I guess I’m better than you at managing my expectations.” He laughed at that, placing his hand over yours, fingers tightening. “Don’t worry, my patience won’t last forever.” He turned his head to look at  you and watched as you winked, your nose crinkling as you turned your attention back onto the road. Which one of us will cave first? 

 --- 

 “We can sit next to the fountain.” You pointed with the hand holding your ice cream. “Looks like there’s plenty of room.” His eyes followed the movement of your hand and without speaking, you and Benjamin moved to cross the street, his free hand reaching for yours. “That line wasn’t too bad, I’m surprised.” Sitting on the stone bench that made up the curved front of the fountain, Benjamin waited until you settled next to him, your arm against his side. 

 “It looks like there’s another option.” He gestured with his chin at the Baskin Robbins across the street in the opposite direction. “Maybe that’s why there weren’t as many people.” You agreed, licking the side of your cone to catch an errant drip of ice cream before it hit your hand. “Why didn’t we go to that place?” You looked over at him, eyes bright and warm in the glow of the streetlamps overhead. 

 “I like Graeter’s better.” You paused. “That’s the only reason.” He laughed at that, taking a bite of his own cone and falling into comfortable silence as he watched the people filtering by. “Do you?” 

 “I’ve nothing to compare it to, but it’s good.” You tilted your head, resting it against his shoulder for a few seconds and then straightened up, continuing to eat. “That’s the bar I went to last week, right?” He caught your nod out of the corner of his eye. “Thought this place looked familiar, even though I’ve only been here once.” He liked the area - the fountain you were sitting at marked the entrance to a park, the shops and restaurants inviting and appealing. And she grew up here. You were only a few minutes from your house, which made Benjamin happy; it meant that there wouldn’t be a great deal of time spent traveling back, trying to make conversation in an enclosed space with you when all he wanted to be doing was sitting in your house and -

 “Benjamin?” The voice drew him out of his thoughts, his head swiveling toward it as he chewed on a bite of waffle cone. “I thought that was you.” Oh, shit. He felt his eyes widen as they landed on the woman’s face, her surprise matching his. “You never called.” No I didn’t. 

 “Yeah, I…” He took the last bite of his ice cream as she stepped closer, Benjamin watching as she looked between the two of you. “I realized I didn’t have your number when I went to bed the night we met, and…” And I didn’t really care. He moved his hand to your back, settling it low against it. “And I’m leaving soon, so…” She frowned, her eyes darting away and then moving back to Benjamin’s. 

 “I figured you wouldn’t call.” You did? “But who’s…” 

 “Wow.” He felt you stiffen next to him, and though his arm trembled, Benjamin didn’t move his hand. Only if she… You stayed put though, even though he knew you wanted to move at the tone of Noah’s voice. “That didn’t take long.” Goddammit, Noah. You chose this, not her.

 “I could say the same to you.” He heard the ice in your voice and Benjamin felt you shift next to him, turning to look at Amanda before you introduced yourself. “I don’t know if -”

 “Look.” The other woman looked slightly uncomfortable, chewing on her lip and looking between Noah and Benjamin quickly. “I… he mentioned you the other night, but he said you were friends, and so when he called, I …” She might have been forward, but she’s not a bad person. 

 “Oh, no.” You laughed, looking back at Noah. “We were only friends. That was the truth.” You paused. “Been friends a long time, and…” She doesn’t sound upset, she sounds… “Just the odds of…” Yeah, right? “We’re done, so we’re going to go.” You stood, looking down over your shoulder at Benjamin. “Ready?” He stood too, letting his arm hang straight down, but staring straight at Noah without blinking. Say something. 

 “If this is going to be a problem, I’ll -” Amanda smiled nervously, and though Benjamin didn’t want to, he did the same, itching to reach out and touch you, but unable to tell if it was what you wanted. I don’t know what’s happening here, but I … “I’ll just go, we can -”

 “No.” You spoke again, shaking your head. “No, you’re not doing anything wrong, and neither am I.” Noah’s eyes flashed, and Benjamin fought to keep from rolling his. You don’t get to be upset, you had a chance to fight for this - for her - and you didn’t. “Benjamin and I are friends, Noah. You knew this. He’s leaving Sunday, and we’re just…” Just what? “You know what?” You looked back over at Amanda and then at Benjamin, who tried to read the look in your eyes, but couldn’t. What happened here? “I don’t have to explain myself to you.” You shrugged. “C’mon Benjamin. Let’s go home.” 

 Without another word, you turned away from the three of them, quickly walking in the direction of your parked car. Oh, damn. Benjamin waited a few seconds and then took a deep breath. Take the high road. “Have a good night, you two.” He offered a small smile to Amanda and then let his gaze move to Noah, who took a single step toward Benjamin. Say something. “Noah.” The other man looked at Benjamin without speaking at first, his eyes narrowing. 

 “Yeah, Benj. Have a good night.” He watched Noah’s lip curl and heard the cruel tone of his voice. The other man leaned in, reaching out with one hand, and Benjamin automatically extended his, feeling Noah’s fingers close around them. Prick. He leaned into the handshake, the volume of Noah’s voice dropping so that only Benjamin could hear. “Let her say goodbye to you. She’s good for -” He felt the fingers on his other hand curling into a fist, anger coursing through his body. How dare you. 

 “You’ve no r-” He felt his arm moving, rearing back. I should knock you -

 “Benjamin.” He froze at the sound of your voice, head turning toward you. “We should go.” He saw the look on your face in the dim lighting even from where you stood ten feet away, and Benjamin’s anger faded immediately. It’s not worth it. She’s worth it, but he… “Come on.” You smiled then - a small, tight lipped one - and he closed his eyes briefly before opening them again, staring straight into Noah’s. 

 “Enjoy your date, Noah.” Without another word, Benjamin spun on his heel and walked toward you. As he took his place next to you, you turned too, not bothering to look back at Noah and Amanda before heading back to the car. You walked side by side, and Benjamin extended his hand to take yours, needing the reassurance that seeing Noah hadn’t changed whatever was going on between you two. But instead of your hand meeting his, Benjamin’s fingers only found empty space. 

 --- 

 Although he’d been excited at the thought of being close to home earlier, the short car ride was a relief for other reasons after seeing Noah and Amanda. Is she angry at me? Did I… do something wrong? Neither of you spoke as you headed back to your place, but the silence was almost deafening. 

 He hadn’t wanted to hit someone as much as he’d wanted to hit Noah since his wedding day, when Ted had shown up to cause trouble, and the surge of anger toward your former friend and almost-boyfriend was shocking. If she hadn’t spoken up, I would have… “Thank you for tonight, Benjamin.” Your voice quiet, you finally spoke up after parking in your driveway, Eric’s car absent. “It was a lot of fun, up until…” Trailing off, you kept your hands on the steering wheel. “You know.” He shifted in his seat to face you, but didn’t reach out though it was the only thing he wanted to do. 

 “It was.” He swallowed, jaw working but nothing else coming out. What do I even say? “Are… are you alright? After seeing him? Them, I mean?” 

 “I am.” You said it with more conviction than he anticipated, finally looking at Benjamin. “It’s not that it bothered me to see him with someone else. I don’t care. I just… the way he looked at me, it’s like… like I shouldn’t have been there with you, even though…” You stopped, head shaking back and forth. “Is this happening too fast?” He watched you blink quickly, and even in the dim light from above your garage door, he could see that you were attempting to stop tears from falling. “It’s only been a couple days, and I’m already out with another…” You reached up, using one fingertip to swipe beneath your eye. “I saw you.” 

 “Saw me what?” He didn’t recognize his own voice, or the edge that it came out with, and Benjamin stiffened immediately. Why are you speaking to her like that? “Wh-”

 “After I walked away? I saw your hand, saw that you... “ You took a deep breath. “You looked like you wanted to hit him, Benjamin.” I did. “Over what, though? I don’t get it.” He thought carefully before he answered, making sure that when he spoke, his tone was friendlier. You’ve got no reason to be defensive. It’s not like before. 

 “I would have, if you hadn’t said anything.” Benjamin ran a hand through his hair, the other one gripping his thigh, just above his knee. “He… insinuated that you and I were… well, much more intimate than we have been. He was throwing it in my face that he’s been with you - recently - and -” You laughed, the sound quiet at first but turning into louder sobs after only a few seconds, your shoulders slumping as you leaned forward and rested your forehead against the backs of your hands, fingers still firmly grasping the wheel. He said your name and then moved, reaching out to put a hand against the center of your back. 

 “It’s alright.” He said your name, ducking his head closer to yours so that he could speak into your ear. “I’m not worried about what he said, he was just being a -”

 “He’s right, Benjamin.” You were speaking to the floor of the vehicle, not looking at him. “What kind of person goes from one… relationship, for lack of a better word to something else after only a few days?” You finally looked at him, cheeks damp and your eyes shining. “I slept with him, Benjamin. And it’s been a while, but it happened. I spent the night with him recently - while you’ve been here, even, and no, Noah and I haven’t done more than kiss in the last couple weeks, but I… we’ve been sleeping in the same bed for the last few nights.” She feels like she’s doing something wrong, she…  “What would hitting him have done, Benjamin?” You shook your head, eyes narrowing. “Made you feel better? Was it supposed to make me f-”

 “He shouldn’t be saying things like that. Especially not when it comes to things that he knows nothing about. We’ve kissed. That’s it. And it’s none of his business what you do, or what we do, or what I do, especially when it comes to you.” Benjamin took a deep breath, feeling his anger rising again. “No man has any right to assume things about a woman just because he’s upset, and Noah especially has no right to be angry that you’re out with someone - a friend, who happens to be leaving to fly thousands of miles away in a few days.” You opened your mouth to speak, but Benjamin cut you off, too deep to stop himself. Get it out. “We know each other. We’ve been speaking for months, and I live with your brother. I’m staying with you. Noah doesn’t know that woman aside from what she and her friends told us in a bar for an hour or two while she was drinking. That’s not spending time with a friend, that’s a rebound.” And a sorry one at that. “If anything, this should tell you that you made the right call.” 

 “Excuse me?” You sat up straight, head cocked to the side, and Benjamin drew his hand back. “What do you mean?” If she’s angry, at least you’ll be leaving soon. 

 “There was absolutely no reason that you and I should have run into them tonight. None whatsoever. But we did. He was out with another woman the exact same amount of time after you ended things that you were out with me. A woman - I might add, that initially wanted me to call her, despite Noah being very clear that he wasn’t in a relationship either. If we hadn’t seen him, you never would have known, whereas he knew you and I have spent the last few days together.” The words made your eyes go wide, hands falling from the steering wheel and into your lap. “He certainly doesn’t feel bad about what he’s doing or what he gave up on by not fighting to be with you before, and you shouldn’t either.” He paused. “Unless you’re upset that you saw him with another woman despite the fact that you and I have been acting as if we…” As if we what? “As if we want this to go somewhere, and you said that it doesn’t bother you.” 

 Benjamin finally stopped, feeling his chest tighten, anxiety creeping through his body slowly. You didn’t speak again, and after nearly fifteen seconds, Benjamin let out a breath, reaching for the door handle. “Where are you going?” It was his turn to laugh. Did I misread this? All of it? Was I just a distraction? “Benjamin, w-”

 “I’m going inside.” He looked back at you, uncertainty growing by the second. “I’m going to get changed, and then go to sleep.” He glanced at the clock. Barely ten. “But.” Tell her the truth. “I enjoyed tonight - most of it - completely.” Benjamin licked his lips. “It was nice to be out with you, to be… openly with you and to know that it was… that it wasn’t just because we’re friends and you’re showing me around.” He sighed. “If that’s the only date I ever get with you? Aside from this last forty five minutes, it was perfect.” You stayed quiet, and Benjamin opened the door of your car, closing it softly behind him after he exited. That couldn’t have ended more poorly.

 He used the key you’d given him to let himself in, again shutting the door behind him, and not even five minutes later, Benjamin was in his pajamas, stretched out on the pull out bed and staring at the ceiling in the dark. He’d heard you come in, your footsteps slowly moving upward as you went to your room, but after a few more minutes, Benjamin heard nothing, the house quiet. It shouldn’t be like this. He replayed the night over in his mind - the feeling that he’d had throughout dinner, the two of you talking over food, conversation flowing easily. The way that you’d been in the parking lot, not hesitating at all to kiss him or let him touch you, the way you’d grown closer than he ever imagined was possible while he’d been in Chicago. I believed it. Believed all of it, and now… He didn’t know what to think - what you were thinking, what you still felt for and about Noah. But she’s never lied before, she’s never… I thought… He scrubbed his hands over his face before he pinched the bridge of his nose. 

 “It can’t end like this.” He spoke out loud, sitting up. “She can’t think that…” He stood, adjusting his shirt and striding to the door, his hand closing around the knob. He didn’t know what he was going to say to you, but Benjamin pulled the door open and stepped into the hallway, head down as he walked toward the stairs. 

 But he didn’t make it more than a few steps before he collided with you, hands shooting out and gripping your upper arms to steady both of you. “Benjamin?” You sounded surprised, and he felt his heart thump at the single word. “Where are you going?” 

 “To see you.” He swallowed, not letting go. “I didn’t want -” But you rose onto your toes, lips colliding with his with such force that he stepped backward, shoulder knocking into the wall. What… You kissed him hard, hands rising to the sides of his face, and even though Benjamin was surprised, he kissed you back, pulling you closer to him without a second thought. 

 Your kiss was hungry, fueled with a need that he hadn’t ever felt coming from you before. What is this? What is she - “I’m sorry.” You apologized in the seconds you took to pull back and breathe, your hands dropping to his shoulders and then running down his chest. “Benjamin, I don’t care what he thinks of me, because I know…” You kissed him again, lips soft and warm, you pulling away with a sigh. “I just don’t want you to think that I’m…” 

 “I don’t.” He wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you close. “I could not care less what Noah has to say or think.” You didn’t speak, instead moving your hands to his back and kissing his jaw.  “Especially when he’s got no room to talk about the way someone’s behaving.” As your lips moved back toward his ear, Benjamin lowered his head, mouth grazing against your cheek and then down. But this time, when he reached your jaw, he didn’t stop, continuing to kiss a path downward. I … we… But neither of you stopped or slowed down, and Benjamin stepped forward, pushing you backwards until it was you whose back was flat against the wall, his hands on your hips and pushing to hold you in place as yours slid up and down beneath the thin material of the back of his t shirt. “Hey.” He reluctantly straightened up, almost unwilling to stop the path of his mouth over the skin of your neck. “I’m not doing this in the hallway.” 

 “Come to bed.” He felt himself shiver at the words, said with such certainty that anyone who heard them wouldn’t have been able to doubt the intention behind them. “My bed. Upstairs, Benjamin.” You had one hand curled around the back of his neck, the other one gripping the center of his back. “Come to bed with me.” Is this the right time? For this? He considered things for a few seconds and abruptly let go of you, standing straight up and pulling away, your hands falling from his body and back down to your sides. “I just want -”

 “Yes.” With a single nod, he gestured to the empty hallway in front of you. Why shouldn’t we? We’re both… “I’ll follow you.” You moved without replying, leading Benjamin up the stairs by one hand, only pausing before stepping through your doorway. He said your name and you turned your head to look at him, the look in your eyes unreadable. “Are you sure?” Asking wasn’t like him - he knew that you were perfectly capable of telling him what you wanted and didn’t want, but he wanted to be sure. “We -”

 “Come on.” You took his hand again and led him in, your room dimly lit by a desktop lamp. “I’m sure, Benjamin.” She’s sure. I’m sure. I want… He took a seat on the edge of your bed, looking up as you stepped in front of him. “Shirt.” You reached for it and Benjamin raised his arms, allowing you to pull it off. “One of these days you’ll have to tell me about this.” One finger stroked the ink on his forearm. “I’ve been wanting to ask, but I didn’t -”

 “I will.” His voice was low, but Benjamin’s eyes were locked on the way your hand looked against his arm, on the movement of each finger. “I’ll tell you anything.” I’ve already said that. You dropped onto his lap, straddling him with your forearms atop his shoulders and Benjamin - for the first time - realized that you had nothing on beneath your shirt when his hands slid up your sides and found no resistance. He sucked in a breath with every new inch of skin that he touched, both thumbs skimming over the underside of your breasts as you arched your back and gripped his shoulders, his name leaving your lips in a breathy whisper. I’m just touching her and she sounds like that. Benjamin leaned in, glancing upward and when you smiled at him, giving a single tiny nod of your head, he kept going, lips closing around your peaked nipple and the fabric that covered it. 

 His eyes closed as he applied pressure with his teeth, and Benjamin felt you remove one arm from his shoulder, that hand dropping between your bodies and coming to rest on his lap. This isn’t real. There’s no way. He felt the heel of your hand rubbing against the growing bulge beneath his pants, the ends of your fingers hooked into the elastic of his waistband and pulling it gently away from his skin. Benjamin moved to the other side of your chest but instead of biting down, he dragged his tongue over the curve, feeling the texture of your shirt against it as the material dampened. “Benjamin, that feels…” You shifted on his lap, changing the way your hand was positioned, and though he tried to keep from reacting outwardly, Benjamin couldn’t help the low moan that left his lips as your fingers brushed against him through the opening of his pants. “No underwear?” Not usually when I sleep, no. He felt the ends of your nails dragging against his skin as you curled your hand around him, and Benjamin couldn’t take it any longer. 

 Before you could get a firm grip on him, he’d let go of you, sitting up straight and reaching for your wrist with one hand, the other reaching up to gather the hair at the nape of your neck between his fingers. He pulled your face toward his and kissed you sloppily - mouth open and tongue seeking entry into your mouth without delay, but it didn’t take long for Benjamin to calm himself down, reining it in and kissing you properly. Each movement of his lips was slow and deliberate, and though you tried to pull your hand from his and return it to his lap, Benjamin didn’t let you, instead linking your fingers together, even at your protest. “No.” Teeth snapping quietly near your mouth, Benjamin finally spoke. “No, if you do that, it won’t… I wont be able to…” You laughed at that, rubbing your nose back and forth against his beard. 

 “Got it.”  You straightened up, glancing down and then looking back at Benjamin, the expression on your face serious, though he could tell that you were hiding excitement. “We should get in bed.” He agreed, waiting for you to stand before he did the same, his hands reaching for you before you’d gotten too far away from him, the fabric of your shirt gathered against his palms. “Oh.” You looked down, taking a deep breath. “Yeah, I guess we’d need to -” He began inching your top up, more skin visible with each movement, but before it had cleared your chest, you said his name again, tone entirely different than it had been before. What? “Benjamin is this…” You sounded worried. “Is this the right thing to do?” 

 He stopped immediately, hands releasing your shirt and falling back at his sides. “What do you mean?” He could feel the mood in the room shifting quickly, your desire replaced by uncertainty, and based on the look on your face, he knew that he had to ask. “I need you to tell me what’s wrong.” You swore loudly, turning away from Benjamin and slamming your hand on your dresser’s top. What is happening? 

 “I don’t want this between us to be the… result of a confrontation.” Oh, damn. “I don’t … this feels…” I don’t either. “I want you, Benjamin. And it’s so fucking cliche to say that.” You turned around facing him, though your hands gripped the edge of your dresser and didn’t reach for him. It’s not, it’s just honest. “And it’s not because of or in spite of Noah, or seeing him tonight, or the fact that you were willing to physically fight him over me when he couldn’t even …” You lowered your head, shoulders drooping. “But it feels like one thing’s leading to another, and I don’t…” You let go of the wood with both hands, stepping forward and lifting one arm, your fingers again finding the side of his face. “I don’t want that asshole to be what leads us into bed for the first time.” That’s not it, that’s not it at all. He stared into your eyes, trying to find the right response. 

 “That’s… that’s not why I’m here right now.” He swallowed, closing his eyes. “Not at all.” Blindly, he reached for you, feeling your free hand beneath his fingers and threading his through them, squeezing. “But if that’s how it feels to you, we’ll... “ He opened his eyes again, hoping that they showed more certainty than his voice projected. “We’ll table this for another time.” After I’ve gone back to London, most likely. He watched you flinch, and immediately knew that stopping before either of you got carried away was the right call. Not tonight. Not now, even though… “And you saying that you want to be with me?” He wet his lips, head moving back and forth in a series of quick shakes. “Hearing that? You’ve no idea how much…” You squeezed his hand, still silent. “How good it is to know that what I’m feeling is returned.” 

 “I’m sorry, Benjamin, I -” You let out a deep breath, looking away from him and toward the open door of your room. “I shouldn’t have let it -” 

 “Stop.” Without letting go of your hand, Benjamin stepped back, pulling you with him. “Why are you apologizing?” You opened your mouth to reply, but he continued. “What you’re saying makes sense. Perfect sense. And while I won’t say that I didn’t like what was going on,” he paused, saying your name. “If you - or I - were to ever regret anything that happened?” Benjamin took your other hand. “I’d hate myself for it.” There’s nothing else to say. “So.” He tightened his grip on both of your hands, waiting for you to look at him again. “If it’s alright with you, I’ll kiss you goodnight, and then go back downstairs to sleep.” 

 “You don’t have to do that.” Your voice small, you widened your eyes. “Sleep downstairs, I mean, my bed’s…” You swore under your breath, pulling away from him and rubbing your forehead. “What the fuck is wrong with me, Benjamin?” You spun away from him, heading for the side of the bed you slept on and sitting. “You’re standing right here in front of me, and I’m telling you no, and you’re fine with it? We were almost -”

 “This, right here?” He pointed between the two of you with one long finger. “This is the reason this shouldn’t happen tonight.” Benjamin sat next to you, bumping your arm with his shoulder on purpose. “Any sort of hesitation?” He wrinkled his nose, making a face. “That’s not what I want. That’s not what you want.” 

 “But we only have tonight and tomorrow, and then… then you’re gone, Benjamin. Then you’re… back in London, and who knows what’s going to happen?” That’s not a reason to sleep with someone, especially for the first time. You leaned over, cheek resting on his shoulder. “I wish that we…” His arm went around your shoulders, fingers tightening against your bicep as he held you. “Please don’t go.” You looked back up at him, the need in your voice back. “Stay with me up here tonight, if I know you’re downstairs, I won’t sleep, I’ll just lay here.” I’d do the same. 

 “If that’s what you want, I’m …” He grinned at you, winking. “That can be arranged.” You sighed in relief, standing up and letting him know that you were going to brush your teeth. Benjamin stood and followed you from the room, heading back downstairs without putting his shirt on. After he’d used the bathroom down there, he detoured into his room and plugged his phone in, standing in the dark and collecting his thoughts. 

 Your abrupt about face had surprised him, definitely. But even though I know her, that didn’t… that didn’t seem like her. You’d both been affected by the confrontation near the fountain and the conversation you’d had in the car, but Benjamin had still been surprised by your actions in the hallway. I knew it was too good to be true. He scrubbed both hands over his face before scratching the fingers of one hand over his scalp. Not too good, but too… too soon. “Damn.” He left the room, pulling the door partially shut behind him, and Benjamin took the steps up two at a time, hurrying back to you. Have to tell her. 

 You were sitting on the bed when he made it to your room, knees drawn up to your chest and both arms wrapped around them. “Thought you weren’t coming back, Benjamin.” You smiled sadly at him. “Thought I -”

 He stepped into the room, crossing his arms over his chest and  taking a breath. “When we were in the hallway, I questioned it, too.” You frowned, staring at him. “Not because I don’t want you, or didn’t want to…” He gestured with one hand. “You know.” That got a small smile from you, though you didn’t change your position on the bed. “It was because I was just wondering if after we argued in the car was the best time to take that step.” He moved closer to the bed, walking toward the unoccupied side and pulling the blanket down before he sat, turning to face you. “I know that this is all about being impulsive and open to the unexpected, but from my experience? This type of rushing? Of acting first and worrying about the consequences later? It doesn’t ever end well.” Benjamin reached out and trailed a down your arm, elbow to wrist. “And I’m not ready to leave with either of us feeling like we did something wrong.” 

 “It wouldn’t have been wrong, Benjamin.” You straightened up, though you kept your eyes on his hand. “Just… more than either of us expected from tonight.” You’re absolutely right. He watched you for a few seconds, taking in your profile next to him, the way you looked in the low light. “So about tomorrow.” You turned your head to look at him, the look in your eyes no longer one of uncertainty. She’s sad. “It’s your last night, and… Michelle and I have been talking, and we want to make you guys dinner.” What? “You know, before you go back to London and have to fend for yourselves.” 

 He laughed at that, head dropping toward his chest. Back to the occasional kitchen adventure and a lot of take away. “I’d like that. I’m sure Eric will, too.” You slowly turned your hand over, taking Benjamin’s. “What are we having?” 

 “Hotdogs. Hamburgers.” He groaned, eyes closing, but you only laughed, shifting on the bed next to him and urging Benjamin to lay down next to you. “I’m just kidding.” Good. I don’t think I can handle another night of… “We’re going to send you guys on your way with a traditional midwest cookout.” What’s that? “I know what he eats, but I’m telling you now so that I know what I need to get from the store tomorrow.” You were facing each other, heads close on the pillows and your hands still joined. 

 “Whatever you make for me is fine.” He kept his voice low, the mood between you changing again back to one that was comfortable. Still tense, but … it’s not the same tension. She’s... We’re... “I’m not picky when it comes to food. Not at all.” 

 “Good.” You moved closer to him, pausing. “I’ll go shopping when I wake up, so if there’s anything you need for your flight, let me know.” You still sounded upset, and so Benjamin moved quickly; careful to remember what had just happened between you, but unwilling to spend the second to last night with you apart, especially since you were right there. He wrapped an arm around your body, urging you closer, and without any sort of protest, you moved too, burying your face in the crook of his neck and clinging tightly to him. He could feel everything; the minute movements of your body, the way your breath hit his skin, the warmth of your palm against his shoulder blade. I’m leaving this. Leaving this for God knows how long. Leaving her. “Did we do the right thing, Benjamin? Earlier, I mean? Not - “

 “Yes.” There was no hesitation, and though your words were slightly muffled, he understood perfectly. “For tonight? For now? It was the right decision.” And one I’d make again. No matter how much I want things to be different. 

--- 

Feel free to ask to be added or removed!

General:

@the-blind-assassin-12 @its-my-little-dumpster-fire @obscurilicious @sweetybuzz25 @suchatinyinfinity @lexxierave @gollyderek @poindexted @ificouldhelpyouforget @elanor-of-imladris @thesandbeneathmytoes @luminex3 @geeksareunique @weallhaveadestiny @mfackenthal @thesumofmychoices @yannii04 @beautiful-thinking @drinix @agentlingerie @blah-blah-fuckit-shit  @dreams-with-thoughts @wangmangagavroche @traeumerinwitzhelden @jigsawlover10 @malionnes @addictedtofictionalcharacters @eternitybarnes @beautifuldesastre @marauderskeeper @lovemarvelousfics @pheedraws @fairywriter-oracle @aroyaldarknessblr @bisexual-space-slut @fific7 @russobill

Tipping Point:

@errrrca

Uncategorized:

@ethereal-heavcns @editboutique @ilkaeliseb @delicatelilyflower @king4thesirens @ymariejp @mr-robot-x @rageshots @introvertedlibrary @writing-for-a-chance @yesixoxo @ilikebeachessushiandsmallanimals @swiftyhowlz @dylanobrusso @malik-payne @lynne1993 @ladyblablabla @audreychaz @tc-elliot @kind-wolf @honeyydippaa @binbonsadoration @jeanettexkillian @avengerswhore @elioelioeli0 @projetcampbell @giggleberts @elfmama @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes

[itsjustmyfantasyroom]

Fresh Start Part 2

Barba x Reader

Warning: mentions of rape.

Enjoy :) fluff comes soon i promise.

You and Nick had been out all afternoon canvassing the local area. There was not much to go off. You stopped to pick up a late lunch for everyone before heading back to the precinct. You and Nick had got to know a little about each other while you were out. Just as you were about to get out of the car, Nick put his hand on your shoulder, you turned to look at him,

‘Y/N, I’am glad i have been given a partner like you, your alright.”

You giggled and looked back at him, “Right back at you partner.”

You both walked into the bullpen and you sat at your desk, Nick handed out the lunch to everyone else. He came back and sat down across from you. You swallowed your food and looked up at Nick.

“I’m going to check the traffic cams, maybe something might come up.” Nick nodded and went back to eating and telling Fin and Amanda about how you guys walked all around the city and couldn't find camera’s and the ones you did find didn't show anything.

Just as he finished you said under your breath, “Oh shit.” “What is it?” Nick said getting up and walking around to stand behind you, followed by Amanda and Fin.

“We have a problem” your eyes wide, and looking at the screen pointing.

The young girl who said she left the party at 2 am to walk through the park and was raped, you had found her on the traffic cam at midnight , walking across a crossing close to the party venue with her cloths already ripped and looking like a mess.

“Liv you better come look what Y/N just found.” Yelled Fin, Liv walked out of her office and over to where they were all standing.

“Good work Y/N” and she patted you on the shoulder after seeing the footage and the time stamp. “I want you to call Barba and tell him what you found. Amanda and Nick go to her house and show her this and see if she will talk.” Before Liv walked away, she handed you a card with all Rafael’s details on it. “Call the office first and see he if he can talk, if not text him from your phone and tell him you need to talk to him ASAP.” Liv said and walked away.

You huffed, Fin put his hand on your shoulder, “He really isn't that bad, his bark is worse then his bite, you’ll get used to it.”

Your stomach filled with butterflies all over again. You pick up your desk phone to dial the office number.

“Hello, ADA’s office, Carmen speaking, how may i help you?”

“Hey Carmen, I’m Detective Y/N Y/N” before you could finish your words

“Oh Hey Y/N, Mr Barba told me about the new squad member, nice to meet you. Hopefully I can put a face to the name one day soon” she said with a giggle.

“ Like wise Carmen, I’m with SVU now so I’am sure I’ll have to come in sometime,” you both giggled together.

“Is Mr Barba in his office?”

“No, he is in court. Can i take a message to give to him.”

“Uh, Liv gave me his mobile number  and told me that if he isn't in his office to message his phone. I better take the orders its only my first week.”

Carmen giggled, “ No problems, if you need anything else just call me back, OK?”

“No problems Carmen. Nice to meet you, Bye.”

“Same, Bye.”

You picked up your phone with another huff, Fin looked at you and giggled, “Not in his office hey?”

“No” you rolled your eyes.

You opened up messages and started a new one, you looked over the number you typed twice to make sure it was the right one.

You- 3.30pm : Hey Mr Barba, Its Detective Y/N, Liv asked me to get in touch to fill you in about the case, I just called your office and you weren't in, could you please call me back as soon as you get a chance, Thanks.”

The butterflies where going crazy, you got back to work. 20 minutes later Amanda and Nick walked back in with a mix of emotions on their faces.

“Didn't go well?” you asked

“No, she thinks, we think she is lying. Her Mum lost it and kicked us out.” Nick said.

You bit you bottom lip, “What if we ask Barba if we can get a warrant for the camera footage from the venue. Maybe we might find something.”

Just then you heard his voice, “ Well I can try, but I don’t know what judge would sign off on that without more evidence.” said Barba.

You looked at him, he was holding his case in one hand, a coffee in the other, he looked directly at you with a small side smile, “I got your message, what do you need to fill me in with? Maybe you have something that i can swing a judge to give a warrant.”

Your stomach was going crazy, but you got up and walked over to the big screen TV and all the evidence on the white board. You started to explain to him about how you and Nick went building by building, block by block and found every little, but when you logged onto the traffic cams, you had found your victim walking across a crossing looking like she had already been attacked, 2 hours before she said it happened.

You paced in front of the board talking so passionately about why you needed the warrant for the venue's camera’s, and how Nick and Amanda were thrown out of her house because they thought she was lying. Barba couldn't take his eyes off you. Were you always this passionate or was it because your were trying to impress him

“Are you done?” said Barba with a snap, you blushed with his reaction

“Better watch out Counsellor, you might be out of a job when the DA meets Y/N at the gala next week.” Nick said with a smirk

Barba looked at you and rolled his eyes.

“I’ll talk to a Judge, but i cant promise anything.”

You started to walk back to your desk, you where standing on the edge looking into the space. Everyone was still looking at the video, well so you thought, you felt a tap on your shoulder, “Good job, I’ll message you if i get the warrant. Good Night Detective” He said with a nod and he walked out.  

“Night.”

----

On his ride home all he could think about was you. How passionate you got while you where talking. He couldn't get over how beautiful you looked today, in your pink button down and your navy tight fitting ankle length dress pants. Your hair was up in a higher bun today, with a bit of a puff at the front and some strains down the side of your face and being able to see more of your neck. You were coming to the gala next week. That excited him, giving him something to look forward too. It was fair to say you guys would most likely not get a chance to talk as you were the new, beautiful SVU squad member, everyone would want to have a piece of you. What chance would he have, he was old and run down, but just to see you out of work, maybe giving him some eye candy, that’s what he was excited about.

****

Your phone buzzed as you walked into the bullpen the next morning

9am- Barba: Your warrant is ready when you are Detective

9.01am- Y/N: Oh really, thanks Barba, you didn't disappoint.

9.05am- Barba: I very rarely disappoint Detective

What the hell was that come back meant to mean? You thought to yourself.

9.08- Y/N: Ah ok haha I’m just waiting for Nick and ill be in to pick it up

9.10- Barba: Sure

----

You and Nick had just got to Barba’s office to pick up the warrant. You walked  in and a tall beautiful woman was sitting behind the desk.

“Hey Carmen, he in?” Nick asked

“Yeah, he is in a mood be careful,” she looked over at you.

“Hey Carmen, I’m Y/N, nice to finally meet you.”

She stood and took your hand in hers, “ Like wise Y/N.” Just then Nicks phone rang, “Its Maria, i better get this, you go ahead, wait here and ill come get you when I’m finished.”

You almost fainted when Nick walked away, he was your comfort and he just walked away. You walked towards the door, but you froze. A hand came to your shoulder,

“His bark is worse then his bite.”

“ So everyone keeps telling me” you giggled back.

You knocked on the door, “Come in” you heard back. You opened the door and walked in. There he was sitting in is big brown chair behind his big oak desk with paper work all around and his computer on, his suit jacket off hanging up, his vest undone, tie lose with the top button undone, and his sleeves rolled up. His hair was perfectly gelled in place and he smelled divine.

“What do you need?” not even looking up, “Is that how you greet everyone that walks in your office?” you snapped back before you could even think. He looked up with a wide smile on his face and looked in your eyes.

“Detective. Your here alone?”

“No, Nick is on the phone, he will be here in a minute.” Your hands where shaking and sweaty. He stood up, walked around his desk and handed you the warrant, “Thanks” he nodded back at you. “I told you i don’t disappoint Y/N.”

You blushed and went to head out. “Didn't Nick tell you to wait here?”

“Yes but your busy, I’ll go and find him.”

“No wait, lets talk.” You nodded.

“So your going to the gala next weekend?” he said, “Yes it will be my first.”

“Maybe if we can close the case, we could catch up for a drink that night?”

Just then Nick walked in, “Y/N, you ready? We have to go.” You nodded and walked towards the door.

“Counsellor” Nick nodded and walked off.

“Thanks again Barba, your a gem.” You smiled and walked out the door not seeing his reaction. You said bye to Carmen and walked after Nick to head over to the venue and get the camera footage.

[mollydollyjournals]

Maybe I need to just like. Scream. Loudly. For a few hours.

My concentration is still so bad I'm barely getting anywhere with this same set of nails. Still. I'm trying to keep working on it but my mind is just not doing it because I feel constantly on edge. This is day 3. One set of nails! Jesus they're not that good. I take a long time to do most things but my mind is really just not functioning.

I'm feeling really particularly isolated again. I have nothing to say that might be of interest to anyone else. I dont really even know how to respond to the small amount of interaction I do get. A friend has started being more talkative in our group chat and sent me a message asking for some info on nail art techniques - maybe I'm being self centred but I feel like it could at least partially be an effort to get me talking. If so I appreciate it. But I still dont really have anything to say beyond quick surface responses.

My mum asked if I'm going to see her this weekend. I wouldn't on Sundays because she has a zoom call with relatives I dont want to talk to. It occurred to me that saturday is tomorrow. Part of me wants to go to hers and drink red wine and just connect with someone. The one person who's almost always had my back, or at least has never seriously intentionally opposed me. I want to go see my dog and my kitten and tell her that actually I'm doing pretty bad, I'll probably be divorced by xmas and sometimes I hear things that arent particularly confusing or distressing but they're definitely not real.

But that's not how it works in our dynamic. She had a serious psychotic episode when I was a teenager, and I took care of it all. My younger brother has ongoing psychosis. It's in our family. If I say I hear things she'll only panic. My doctor knows so it's not a secret - if theres one thing I learned from both of their cases, it's not to stay in denial. But theres no point telling her. And the divorce stuff? She'll internalise it. One of her children is dead, one is an ongoing psychiatric case with not much of a future because he's also actually a pretty terrible person, and the last one is me. She feels bad enough because her "marriage failed," which is a weird phrase her generation seem to use. She told me before not to date other people in case it hurts my "marriage." She'll think it's that, and start spiralling about her history with my dad and the one guy she's dated since they divorced. She won't believe me and hb were fine having other relationships and the issues arent to do with that, and I dont have the energy to talk through her stuff again.

Maybe it's getting to me more than I think. It's not like I didnt know this shitstorm was coming. But now it advances. Like I heard the forecast before, but now I can see it on the horizon. Now I have to really truly consider moving out of the house and splitting up the cats and whatever else. Thinking about it, maybe i should talk to my mum. Itll almost definitely be her I move in with if it all goes through. But then maybe I should only talk about it if I'm sure.

I dont know. I'm jealous of everyone with good parental relationships. I still havent even texted my dad for his birthday. I guess I should do that. I kind of miss when all 4 of us go back to my dad's house for drinks, us and my half brother. But that's not going to happen for a long time yet, for all kinds of reasons. Maybe it never will again. I'm catastrophising I guess. But it's hard not to with the current track record. I just feel like there isnt any evidence of positive things. Really, truly. The best thing that's happened to me recently is I sent the rented carpet cleaner off and then saw that my cat did a big healthy shit in the middle of the carpet. I have to be happy about that because it means hes not losing his guts to diarrhea and vomiting like he was before. But I still have to deal with a hygienic nightmare and probably a stressed cat picking up on my mental state. And I still have to gauge the whole situation based on a literal pile of shit.

I feel like thinking positive is just kidding myself and giving into my genetic tendency towards psychosis. If I'm going to convince myself of something that isnt real in order to make myself feel better, why not lose myself in a fantasy entirely? I should just build an entire world where everything is okay and lock myself away in it. Why stop at just telling myself that this one bad thing or another won't happen.

I try my best to stay grounded in reality to avoid ending up in that kind of mental state. But reality is fucking tiring. I know my life isnt the worst in the world by far, I dont mean that. But we're all going through some extra shit these past couple of years. I struggle not to take that on too. Not that it even helps. We had a mass shooting here today and I'm thinking about the people who thought they were safe because they live in England where firearms are extremely rare, the parents of the child who died, the people living in that area who will feel so unsafe now, and all the pro-gun lobbyists in the US who will use this as a reasoning that gun control doesn't work thus keeping millions of other people at risk as long as those laws dont change. But god. I would be dead many times over if guns were as easy to buy here as they are over there.

And then I think about all the people that have been lost to situations like that. I'm multiracial and have family in multiple different places - I was always raised with the idea that you dont stop caring about people just because they're not in the same country as you. And it's true, you shouldnt. But I've internalised a lot of it as fear and sorrow and idk what else. Just bad feelings. Feeling like the world is such a terrible place, that I cant deal with my own suffering, and that if I can't deal with that then what about the people who have it worse? What can I do??

What can I do for anyone when I cant even paint a single set of nails?

I'm sure of all kinds of bad things happening. I dont want to be. Some of them I couldnt prove, so maybe it's just my mind. Many look likely. I dont know how to deal. I am all the worst parts of each of my parents and this is the result. I wish therapy was more of a thing last century. They should never have had kids. My older brother got off easy by dying. Incidentally I have to somehow gather money for his gravestone soon as nobody else in my family ever offered to help my parents with it in all this time and it's only just been put up now when I said I'd help my mum with it. I never even fucking met him. My life is like a bad tv show. Not an interesting one, not a well written drama or tragedy, just bad.