#there is still this deep connection to death because of war

[impossible-rat-babies]

rotating Halone in my brain case tonight fellas

[twizzie-lairs]

My Darling, My Honey

Alastor X Fem!Reader (Part 9)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 |

Part 9

Part 9:

Just as you exited the door to your now former apartment, you heard the sound of an explosion.

You just sigh at the sound, it doesn't phase you as much as it used to. Always startling enough to make you slightly jump, but you knew it was the start of the turf war one of your acquaintances told you about ahead of time.

It was a favor they owed you after you saved them from being killed by the Overlord boss they work for, which happened to be the one you were being commissioned by back then.

To take advantage of their insider info/tip, you decided it was needed to pick up the pace so you could get out of there in one piece- so their risk of getting that info to you wouldn't be in vain.

The pace at which the explosions happened quickly increased, along with the sounds of bullets and glass breaking that joined the chorus of chaos.

"Shit, shit, shit shit!" you quietly cursed to yourself as you quickly exited the building however you could, because you could feel the foundation and walls starting to give way.

So naturally, the easier and quickest way out was through a window in the stairwell. Unfortunately, you were up quite a few flights and though you tried your best to roll and fall safely, you still landed on the ground with an unceremonious thump.

The shattered glass underneath you from the window gave you a lot of ugly cuts. Not to mention you could already feel many bruises forming all over your body, maybe you broke a rib or two, you couldn't tell. It's been a while since you've had to make such a messy escape- that was probably a couple decades and rings ago.

Pulling yourself up from the ground, you wince through the pain and make a quick dash to grab your briefcase of supplies that went flying during the fall.

You couldn't really hear too well right now because of all of the warfare going on, everything sounded so muffled, so you couldn't tell what direction the danger was. But you knew you had to run, or else you would get into even deeper shit.

You were a woman on a mission, so you ran as fast as your legs could carry you, ducking, dodging, weaving, sneaking, and even having to get rid of a few goons yourself along the way to where you'd be able to enter the Pride ring.

It was quiet here, the sounds of warfare and screams of the damned were muffled from all the way out here at the edge of this ring of Hell. And it wasn't muffled because of your hearing, your hearing went back to normal after spending a few minutes in some quiet corner to regroup yourself after the hellish way here.

It was here, you decided, that you'd make your way into the Pride ring using your special power.

Your real power wasn't to make enchanting paintings or portraits, that was just skill you've honed after many years of life (and death).

But this...it made you nervous, even though the power was truly your's, you were nervous because you felt like you'd get caught breaking the laws of how Hell is supposed to function- like fundamentally. Sinners like you weren't supposed to be able to travel freely through Hell, but for some reason, you could with this power.

You took some supplies out of your briefcase, and drew a complex crest-like symbol on the ground in front of you.

Ever since you landed in Hell, this symbol felt like it was etched into the back of your eyelids. You always felt like it defined you, the essence of you, and that held power- the type and magnitude you still weren't totally sure of. You never had any close connection you trusted enough to teach or help guide you through any of this...

With a deep sigh, being careful not to agitate any broken ribs or bones, you knelt down in front of the symbol, placed both hands on the symbol of the ground, and closed your eyes.

You focused your energy into your hands, feeling power surge through you until your felt your hands disappear into the ground- your body following right after.

The one downside to this power, spell, ability- whatever you want to call it- was that you couldn't really control where you landed.

After much trial and error, you've honed it to the point where you could go from one ring to the other, but you couldn't really pick where you got dropped in the specific ring you wanted to go to.

Not to mention it drained so much of your energy, it made you so extremely weak to the point that almost any weakling that came across you could nudge you with their foot and you'd be near double death already.

All that said, you wanted to avoid using this power at all costs unless it was an emergency. So unfortunately your search for your love Alastor was hindered greatly by this caveat- you had to stay "alive" if you wanted to be reunited.

Too many attempts before you mastered this power would likely end in your (permanent?) death if you were found that weak and vulnerable so many times by who knows what type of demented soul that would witness your sorry state after you used the power.

And once more today did you fall to the ground with a thump, though a very small distance this time that was fortunately cushion.. by... garbage in a dumpster...

"This falling shit is getting really old..." You thought to yourself.

"Ugh shit..." You slowly roll out of the dumpster, your briefcase appearing by your side with a tiny *poof*.

As you lean against an alleyway wall, it hits you like a truck- the price you pay for defying the laws of Hell. The previous injuries from escaping the turf war made this time hit so much worse than any other previous time.

You accidentally stumble forward from the wave of pain that slammed you suddenly, vision blurring, energy fading fast enough to the point where you're just about to pass out at any given moment. But you try to hang in there as you attempt to refocus your vision.

Your stumbling around likely looked like you were a drunkard making an idiot of themselves after a bar fight.

As you kept accidentally bumping into random strangers that you could hardly see due to your blurry vision, you kept getting shoved around by people thinking you were being a public nuisance- and that says a lot, given you're in Hell and all.

All the shoving and little jabs from random strangers hurt so fucking much, that your body gave out, you couldn't keep it together any longer.

You couldn't get yourself together this time.

Your vision turned sideways as you fell to the ground, except you didn't hit the hard and unforgiving concrete.

You felt a pair of arms catch you. All you could see was a girl's face talking at you, but you couldn't hear a goddamned thing. Hell, you could hardly see her even though she was right up in your face.

"Oh my gosh, are you okay? Do you need help? Oh my god, Vaggie, we need to help them!"

"Charlie, are you sure about this? They could be dangerous! You don't even KNOW them!"

Then everything went black.

"But I can't leave them to die here, we need to bring them back to the hotel!"

"Ugh, alright, fine! But if they pose a danger to you or anyone else in the hotel, they are OUT."

-> Part 10

[pizzabox-box]

Deep dive into the "Dead Man Walking AU"

SPOILERS AHEAD! If you haven't read the introductory comic yet I strongly advise you to read it first!

Watch out! Hurting Peppino, tomato sauce and long walls of text ahead!

This AU takes place in an alternative timeline where Fake Peppino defeats and kills real Peppino in their fight on the fourth floor. After doing so he ingests real Peppinos essence. (fancy way of saying he bit off a good chunk of Peppino) and thanks to this he‘s able to perfectly take Peppino’s form.

He also gains Peppino’s memories and an inteligence of a regular human. And only then, as memories that aren‘t his own invade his mind and a man’s last thoughts before his death echo in his head, he realizes what have he just done.

The guilt drives him to finish what Peppino started. He climbs to the top of the tower, defeats Pizzahead and the other bosses, crumbles the tower, and takes over Peppinos restaurant. Nobody, except for him, knows what happened on the 4th floor. Question is, how long? How long can he keep this secret? How long will he be able to keep this illusion alive? How long before the consequences of his actions eat him alive?

Thanks his newly acquired inteligence he’s able to speak properly and has complete control over his more monstrous side. Through he can still do all the things Fake Peppino is known for, if he chooses to. (like speaking the „gibberish“ language, deforming, reforming and miscellaneous frog stuff) He  knows how to make a good edible pizza but has to wear gloves while handling pizza dough to prevent a piece of him getting into it and a clone forming. (I don’t have to explain why pizza coming to life would be devastating, right?)

As mentioned above "Peppi-NO" has real Peppino’s memories. He has reacurring nightmares based off real Peppino’s memories. Most often the war and real Peppino‘s last moments. (He has two sets of memories from before the incident, his own and real peppinos. Luckily he’s able to clearly differentiate between them. This also means that he gets to experience Peppino’s death from two points of view. Quite lovely, isn’t it? )

He treats other characters like real Peppino would. But doesn’t feel any real connection to them. „I’m mean to the Noise, because real Peppino would be mean to the Noise“ Kind of mindset. The only exception is Noisette who was Fake Peppino’s pal before the incident. He views her as a friend but still needs to keep the act up around her.

The best way to understand this character is to put yourself into their shoes. So...let’s do a quick thought experiment: You are you, right? Of course! It makes perfect sense. But now imagine this. You are not actually you. YOU are a clone of yourself, who managed to kill off the real you. And all of your memories are not actually your own. What would „your“ friends and family think if they found out? If they found out that the real you is dead? Hell. How would you react if you found out that your lifelong friend was actually killed by a skinwalker few months ago and the damn thing has been pretending to be them ever since?? Imagine that for a second...

Let’s not forget. This is actually Fake Peppino we’re talking about. Despite everything there’s still a silly side to him that sometimes shines throught the facade.

To summarize this character in one sentence. He hurt Peppino and now he’s stuck in his personal hell.

There's a lot to this character I haven't mentioned yet. Well, hopefuly I didn't forget anything important. In case you have any questions feel free to ask! I will be opening Q and A for this this character (and also the others)

[https-genesis]

my baby, my baby | dad!jake x daughter!reader

Synopsis; Jake Sully wishes he did more when you were there. Now that you're not, he's losing a part of himself he didn't know he had in the first place.

Contents; angst no comfort haha, mom neytiri & siblings sullys, major death, depiction of gore, general avatar stuff, jake being a bad father, brief mention of suicide, long fic NO INCEST

Dictionary; Olo'eyktan - Clan leader, Tsahik - Interpretor of Eywa, Ikran - large winged creature, Sa'nok - Mother, Sempul/Sempu - Father/Daddy, Kuru - queue, tsaheylu braid, Tsumuke - sister

A/N; sad cries

At first, you were the best thing to happen to Jake and Neytiri. Their eldest child, eldest daughter, future Olo'eyktan/Tsahik. Neytiri found out she held you in her womb shortly before the Sky People attacked Home Tree. She had told Jake only after, fearing he wouldn't want her to fight with the rest of the Omatikaya. After they won the war, Neytiri gave birth to you, their beautiful little babygirl.

During your first connection with Eywa, Mo'at heard the latter whisper about how you were destined to be a great, mighty woman. The first few years of your life, you learned everything you were taught faster than most Na'vi. At two, your sa'nok gave birth to your brother, Neteyam. He was a carbon copy of Neytiri, while your father's face was printed onto yours. With Neteyam by your side, you learned to speak the language fluently at three, and by four, you learned English. Jake taught you how to hunt, how to craft blades and how to carry yourself like a leader. Neytiri taught you the ways of the bow, the traditions of the people and how to cook the game you hunted.

Though it seemed picture perfect, after Neteyam's birth, your father became distant. He was erratic and he had trouble sleeping at night and the only way you could tell he was awake is because of his rushed breathing. Kiri came next, being a byproduct of what seemed to be Eywa and Grace, but she was a good child. More resilient. And a few days after Kiri's birth Lo'ak arrived, slightly unexpectedly. Having four children with the woman he loved made Jake ecstatic, but you felt you were slipping through his fingers as you watched him be a marine before being a father. Tuk was the last straw for him. He completely detached himself from whatever relationship you two had before and the only time you'd hold conversations longer than ten minutes made you feel sick with envy.

Even with the familial struggles, you still exelled in what you trained. When you turned thirteen, your Iknimaya was near perfect. Jake had told you stories about his, for it took more than a dozen minutes before his ikran, Bob, had calmed down. You approached the ikran's den slowly, with a rope in hand (your father had said it would make the task easier) and slowly crept your way inside. One by one, they flied off the edge of the cliff until one stood its ground. She was a striking turquoise color with stripes of deep marine blue, and Neytiri whispered to Jake how it resembled Seze.

You were a fierce hunter by the age of sixteen, and your siblings cherished you as much as you did them. You kept Lo'ak out of trouble and had a major influence on his behavior. You, Kiri and Tuk often gossiped about boys and you always tended to Neteyam's wounds alongside Mo'at.

The group stood and walked back the way you came from. Tuk ran in front of you again. "Come on, it is almost eclipse!" A hand then reaches out towards her right arm, then her left, and she's pulled towards a taller figure. The shriek she let out made your instincts act before your brain and the bow tou held tightly in your grasp came in front of you. You noticed five fingers and markings on their blue skin, but most strikingly was their off-green clothing and the heavy guns they carried.

The moment that you realized the Sky People had came back was deep in the forest, with Lo'ak, Kiri, Spider and unwillingly Tuk. As you walked, you could hear them bicker about each others presence until Tuk came to a slow halt in front on the group. You had accidentally came close to the abandoned shack your father had told you to never, under any circumstances, approach. There were other Na'vi, taller, bigger and covered from head to toe in fabric. Lo'ak reached Jake through his comms. To say Jake was appalled was an understatement.

You pulled your bow forward and reached for an arrow when the hand reaching behind your back was grasped by a much bigger one and you were pulled to the ground. Spider willingly dropped his, knowing whatever fate was left for him if he didnt drop the weapon would be worse than yours. The loud thud your body made against the forrest floor chocked you, and your bow fell out of your hand. A heavy weight was pressed against that arm, and you turned you head to see a boot. Kiri was grabbed by her kuru and her right arm, and you could see her wince in pain from it being pulled too hard. Your eyes shifted to Lo'ak, who was on his knees also held by his queue, as one Dreamwalker approached him, his hand resting on his firearm. You couldn't listen to their conversation, your focus being primarily on Tuktirey. The poor girl was too young to be here- you should've never let her come with you.

You had waited for what felt like hours, the sky was now dark. You knew that they were looking for your father, ex-human and ex-marine who came onto Pandora and disobeyed about ninety-nine of the hundred rules they had put in place. Rain poured heavily on your hair and down your shoulders and you shivered as you felt Tuk cower into your back. Momentarily, one of the Avatars glanced at you and you bared your teeth at him before giving him your most threatening hiss.

He grinned, wide and sadistic, and pulled your back to his chest. He held your arm so thight that it went numb and the tip of your fingers felt as if they were covered in small bugs. He brought a blade to your neck and pressed slightly, blood gliding down your collarbone. You heard your mother's call then, your ears perking up and your head turning in its direction.

"Demon! I will kill you as many times as I have to!" As the first arrow hit the first soldier, the one holding you in place tightened his grip on you before lifting the blade high above his head, very clearly planning to stab you. Another arrow pierced his arm as he fell backwards and even thought you saw a flash of long braided hair, probably your mother's, you didn't want to run. You turned and grabbed Tuk while your hand reached for Kiri's and you ran to a nearby tree. Pushing them to safety, Tuk climbed onto Kiri's lap and you smoothed down her soaked hair. "I will return, tsumuke. I have to find Lo'ak." You ran back near the shack and grabbed your bow that had been tossed aside. Three arrows. Eywa knows how many soldiers. Peeking from a bullet ridden tree you spotted Lo'ak in the same position he had been before, held by a Dreamwaker taking cover behind the large shack. Your drew your bow back and hit the Avatar in the shoulder and Lo'ak was pushed forward by its body. You ran towards him as quickly as you could and shoved him behind you, instructing him to run where Kiri and Tuk were hidden. You drew your bow again but this time quicker and shot another Avatar in the chest.

Unfortunately, you were too pumped by adrenaline to notice the blood pooling down your ribs and onto your loincloth, and didn't notice the sharp pain in your shoulder blade from your arm having been bend ways it shouldn't have been. When the forrest quiet back down you limped back to the tree you had left your siblings and saw the rest of your family, safe. A sigh was pulled from your noticeably bloody lips and you stumbled closer to your family before stumbling to your knees with a sharp wince. Jake's head lifted quickly thinking there was another round of soldiers, but the only thing he could see in the darkness was your form hunched over and breathing too heavy for comfort. He dropped his gun and tripped running to you while Neytiri turned to see her firstborn daughter laying on the forest floor, covered in grime and gore and whatever your wet skin came into contact with. She came to her knees next to your head and gently placed it onto her thighs while Jake tried to apply pressure on the bullet wound on your ribs. You couldn't see you siblings then because of how blurry your vision became.

"No... No, No, No... No Great Mother No. Please, not my child, Great Mother, Please!" Neytiri pleaded. Kiri had gripped her arm to stop her from ripping out her own hair. Jake pressed the wound so hard that you jerked away from him screaming in what could only be agony, and he weeped. You sobbed for your sempul to help you, to save you, to make you feel better. "You're alright babygirl... You're alright- It's.. It's alright." As you lost and gained consciousness, you could feel what seemed to be Neteyam's hand in yours and Lo'ak gently squeezing your shin. Tuk still laid in Kiri's lap and gently sobbed into her neck. You looked Jake right in the eye as you took your last breath, and he didn't even get to tell you he loved you. He wanted to shoot himself in the head that night.

☆

Because they weren't in the comfort of the forrest anymore, your funeral was short and bitter. Since they couldn't bury your corpse into Home Tree, Mo'at suggested you be wrapped into blessed shawls woven from the finest fabric in Pandora, and your corpse be tucked into a large coffin-like basket. Every single Na'vi in High Camp attended your funeral and had even covered the casket with beautiful ornaments, while the children put sliced fruit and small wooden toys for your spirit to rest peacefully.

Each of your siblings had a gift for you. Tuktirey had her favorite Toruk toy, one Jake had carved himself and that was passed on to the other children. Kiri covered your casket with her favorite beautiful hand woven blanket that she had growing up. Lo'ak wasn't sure what he would give you. In all honesty, he didn't want to come to your funeral. He wanted to cry into his hammock and scream into his hands and pray for you to just come back. He ended up giving you his blade to remind your spirit of your fierce nature, how you never gave up and always protected the people. Neteyam was too in a dilemma. You were his big sister, his guide in this world and now seeing your cold and still body be lowered into a basket made him sick. He couldn't bring himself to come close to it, so he asked Neytiri to put his gift (which was one of the two arrows you had shot the day you died) onto your grave.

Neytiri had crumbled to her knees with what started as a whimper and now the rocks of High Camp absorbed her flowing tears. Jake held her close to his chest and held a firm hand to her head and while he felt anger and rage from seeing your covered body be dropped into a handmade shawl, he also felt guilt. He was so caught up in being Olo'eyktan and so caught up in being a warrior that he wasn't there for you. For his beautiful mate or for his children. You were only a year older than Neteyam yet you held yourself like a mature Na'vi woman and he started wondering (still holding a weeping Neytiri close to him) if it was because he was cold to you. Towards the end, Neytiri held your songcord to her heart and whispered its melody which painfully reminded her of you. How delicate yet strong it left her lips.

Jake thought he had felt it all. As a human, he had lost his brother and his legs, his entire life had flashed before his eyes too many times but this... this was different. He had lost you. His first child. His babygirl. That night, he decided with an unwilling Neytiri to leave the forrest. Leave far, far away were no human or Dreamwalker had been. He'd never see you again. Not in his dreams, not at the Tree of Souls, not today and not never. He'd lost you. You were dead.

Oh how he wished he had held you a little bit longer, and a little bit tighter.

if me watching james cameron movies can't be happy, jake in avatar twow can't be happy

[genericpuff]

also love how you described aphrodite as a war goddess in your family tree chart!!!

ahh thank you! I know it's very divisive as to whether or not Aphrodite is a war goddess, much of the sources on Aphrodite Areia seem to be predominantly linked to the Spartans, whereas Hellenism worshipped her primarily for love, sex, and fertility, which is what she's widely attributed to today while her connections to war have fallen to the wayside.

But I personally love the duality of her being a goddess of both love and war, as both come from places of deep desire that are often intersectional - many men have gone to war and died in the name of love, and many more still have experienced the pain that love can bring. In that way, though you could argue that she may not have been specifically worshipped as a war goddess such as Athena or Ares, you can't really separate war from what Aphrodite truly represents - desire.

I know by default many people will say that Aphrodite is the "greatest goddess" simply because of the superstition that comes from worshipping anyone else more than her, but what makes her so powerful and respected is love itself, an emotion and state of being so pure, so twisted, so painfully human, so universal regardless of the context in which it's being experienced that it can be used as any amount of justification for both the greatest heroics and the cruelest betrayals. Love is a paradox, simultaneously worth living for and worth dying for, an overwhelming joy for another being that can be felt instantly but just as quickly turn foul. Paris was gifted the love of Helen, which initiated a ten year long war on Troy; Odysseus persevered for 20 years in the name of love, sacrificed six of his own men for love; Orpheus defied death for love, and brought about his own downfall in love; Hades abducted his bride out of love, inevitably dooming the Earth to death and decay for half the year at the hands of a loving mother grieving for her lost daughter.

Even when Aphrodite isn't physically present in a story, she is there in the actions of a story's characters made out of love and desire, and she is as inevitable as the Fates and the passage of time. Aphrodite is a goddess of love and war because love is war, and so to try and separate her from war feels like a severe underestimation of the power she possesses over mankind more so than any other god or goddess. Though you could argue her domain over human emotion and their consequential actions limits her in her influences unlike that of the primordials or Titans, without man to worship them or perceive them or tell stories of them, then what is left of gods? Unrequited love and desire.

[rivangel]

PLEASE write about Levi’s mental state, i’m begging you

He’s faced death and precarious situations since he was born, yet he’s still standing strong and hopeful, WHAT THE HELL I LOVE MY SHORT KING

IT'S FINALLY HERE😭im sorry anon i hope you're around to see this and if u are i hope i dont disappoint

the tone in this analysis is so weird because i kept getting caught between 'this is an apa paper no contractions, academic language, double spacing -' and 'this is a tumblr post about a fictional blorbo wtf r u on'

i also use some scientific language i try my best to explain but if this turns anyone off i don't blame them because im unhealthily obsessed

*i'm a third-year undergraduate psychology student w/ a concentration in psychopathology

tw/cw: discussion of childhood exposure to sex (not assault)

Foreword

I’ve been putting this off for a while (I’m forgetful and this topic is intimidating what can I say), but being a year out from graduating with my bachelor’s to become a mental health professional, and being a Levi scholar(/hj), I wanted to give this a shot. 

I wanted to dissect and examine Levi Ackerman’s mental health “currently” (as in general canon), and explain as thoroughly but as simply as possible how and why he thinks and acts the way he does.

Seeing how AOT is pretty renowned for leaving out the ‘insignificant’ details, especially character details, a good majority of my assertions and even details of his life are built off of correlations and “signs and symptoms”; meaning some things could be an aspect of Levi’s personality, or a symptom of psychopathology. 

 I will examine his childhood (especially his childhood), adolescence, young adulthood, and “present” adulthood, with a short summary at the end of where he might be mentally after the war.

*Lastly, I don’t like it when things I say about a series or character are taken as fact or make it implied that someone else’s thoughts are “wrong”. This is partly built on headcanons anyway, which are influenced by my own experiences. Don’t take away from this that this is me telling you what to think.*

Childhood

The most important period of development occurs in infancy and childhood, especially from the ages of 3-6. This is when a child learns where to find security, love, and basic skills, gaining stability as they develop.

Well, Kuchel died when Levi was 4.

Maternal Love / Learning Empathy / Anxious Attachment Style

Levi was born into deep poverty within a violent unwelcoming environment. Basic physical needs must have been very hard to meet (i.e., consistently fed enough, a clean environment, no physical threats). And where Levi was born is like the dictionary definition of a bad environment for a small child, excluding only his mother’s care and love.

As it’s generally understood in canon (and suggested from Levi’s special backstory manga so far) she was a caring parental figure early in Levi’s life that loved him unconditionally. We can conclude that Kuchel did everything within her power to compensate for both parenting Levi alone and shielding him the best she could from his horrible surroundings, teaching the kindness, goodness, and love that Levi would internalize and go on to strive for for his entire life. 

As far as we know, no other children lived in the brothel. Socialization is just as important for a young child as receiving love. With this isolation, it’s extremely difficult to learn how to connect to other people, or pick up on social cues. Levi would’ve never learned how to interact properly with his peers—aside from use of aggression and violence which Kenny would go on to instill in him.

With the danger/anxiety imposed by strangers, mostly if not entirely men, he would turn to his mother for comfort all. The. Time. 

And she would give him that support and affection of course. This early motherly affection is integral to child development: a child who receives empathy and affection is subliminally taught how to feel and express empathy towards others. 

While Levi’s surroundings were dangerous, lonely, and chaotic—traumatizing enough for a toddler or young child—Kuchel provided a safety net from that, so I think that Levi developed an anxious attachment as a child: exhibiting clinginess, excessive fear of abandonment, and an excessive need for security and/or reassurance.

Paternal Trauma / Potential Androphobia

Born and living in a brothel, we can assume that Levi was probably seen as a burden and a mistake by others, especially by men (both the likely majority of her customers and her boss).

AOT ch69; Before the Fall, ch34

This is likely in contrast to the women (those living and working in the brothel like Kuchel). They should know Kuchel if not as friends, then acquaintances who could empathize for her and her son. 

There’s an obvious trend here. If Levi is going to feel fear/danger/anxiety because of men, he should have a general aversion to men and-or the behavior of men who he encountered as a child. This is impossible to know for sure or in meaningful detail, but it seemed to be resolved by the time he became an adult if so.

Although Kenny in his words was no more than Levi's teacher, Levi did see him as a father figure.

The subject of Kenny will be expanded on later, but it's clear Kenny in no way resembled a father, who also would go on to abandon Levi (at the age of 11 or so). Children without father figures tend to struggle more emotionally, psychologically, and socially. Specifically, (especially boys) tend to exhibit intimidating/aggressive personas to compensate for resentment, fear, and unhappiness. 

Sexual Trauma (Tangent, Probably)

This is unconfirmed but a likely trauma Levi went through: exposure to sex as a child. There’s no way to confirm what he experienced, so I’ll function on ‘probably’s’ and ‘most likely’s’. 

Because Levi and Kuchel only lived in one room, other rooms in the brothel should have belonged to other women, and he was at the oldest four, I wager that he was babysat by women who Kuchel knew and/or was made to hide somewhere while she worked, such as in a cabinet.

(for reference)

AOT ch69

The odds are high that he was exposed to the aftermath of sexual violence (i.e., marks seen on his mother), and the sound or smells that have to do with it. That young, he wouldn’t know what it was, but he should have realized later as an adolescent.

In general, children regardless of gender exposed to sexual content usually experience early puberty (which is just as likely for impoverished children, or children who experience chronic high-stress in general); issues with intimacy; become desensitized to high-risk behavior; negative/inaccurate expectations about sex and relationships in the future; influence inappropriate behavior with other children or adults; sex addiction.

This is especially relevant to Levi’s fear of closeness/intimacy in the future. Exposure to sexual situations—possibly not including CSA in his case—very early in life inflicts on a child emotions and stress they don’t have the intellect or reasoning to process or understand. An extreme aversion to interpersonal relationships, especially physical ones, results.

This stress Levi must have felt, being powerless to this happening to his mother, is a different beast. Children aren’t capable of handling high levels of stress, and so the brain will automatically create coping mechanisms: dissociation (a severe form of “zoning out”; observing the self “from the third person”; numbness; the feeling of living in a dream), excessive daydreaming/overactive imagination, symptoms of PTSD (nightmares and terrors; flashbacks; spontaneous activation of fight-flight-freeze associated with anxiety; excessive worrying/fear; loneliness/self isolation). PTSD will also be prevalent in Levi’s later life, which I’ll delve into later.

Inappropriate behavior and sex addiction are also highlights for me because they shouldn’t exist in him based on Levi's personality and behavior throughout the series. In my opinion, Levi ought to associate sex with pain, shame, and violence; he does see it as an ordinary job—a means to an end. He should be desensitized to sex as a concept, but associates it personally with shame, sadness, and pain, possibly feeling disgust towards it. So it is highly likely that Levi in every stage of life following this experienced sexual repulsion (usually associated with high anxiety towards sex), a low libido, or a lack of sexual desire entirely. 

From a trauma perspective, he could avoid sexual topics of conversation, sexual settings (i.e., brothels), or an array of things which are sexually suggestive or he as a child possibly associated with sex (i.e., cleavage, panties, specific touch). Similarly, he might avoid direct reminders or have a post-traumatic reaction to them, such as anxiety or flashbacks (i.e., the sound of a bed creaking, the sight of wet clothes).

Importantly, it can be concluded that sexual violence was often exhibited, and the idea would be ingrained in him that sex, like everything else besides his relationship with his mother, is “give-and-take”, “victim-and-attacker”, and learn to be repulsed by intimacy. This impacts his willingness for later friendships and relationships as we’ll see later. 

Early Abandonment & Early Exposure to Death

As Kuchel’s health deteriorated, Levi’s sense of security would break down. Availability of shelter, food, and emotional support would be even less secure than before. He might have been providing for Kuchel for some time, even, as it can be gathered that he received little to no help from those around him while she was sick. To whatever length he had to take responsibility and both fear for Kuchel, this would cement a sense of responsibility and guilt in him from the age of just four years old.

He will fail to save her—regardless of the fact that that’s not his responsibility in the first place; a child wouldn’t understand that—and then lose her with nothing he could do to even cushion the blow.

How powerless he must’ve felt. How hopeless. How likely is it that Levi found comfort in joining her? A child his age wouldn’t be able to comprehend death, basing our understanding on Piaget’s theory of cognitive development. To summarize, at the age of six or seven, children aren’t capable of complex, abstract thought like death or the finality of it. But Levi had to learn early. 

AOT ch69

This will be center in his “clean-freak” tendencies later.

Adolescence

Most of this section is going to be rather vague again, but we already got the bulk of that over with in childhood!

Emotional Train Wreck / Lack of Identity 

It’s hard to notice if you’re not paying attention, but in every scene we’re shown with Levi after his mother dies but before Kenny leaves, he’s wearing some variation of his mother’s one dress styled into a shirt. He loves her endlessly, even or especially in death. And part of cherishing her memory, to him, should’ve been taking after her as much as he could.

That’s how to explain why he didn’t become a cruel person (Kenny for instance) as he grew into a teenager, even though much of Levi’s outlook and behaviors come from him (ch57).

The more pertinent question is how extreme violence, reinforcement of the idea that that violence is power, and Kenny’s total (or most likely total) lack of communicated emotional connection affected him.

Levi would still desperately want that connection deep down, especially with his mother gone. This is a major reason why Levi sought to get stronger to please Kenny. For chronically abandoned people, that continues into adulthood and even beyond. A hole inside which can't be filled.

AOT ch69

Chronic loneliness—like I explained before—basically explains his aloof nature and awkward disposition. It’s not that Levi feels as detached as he looks, but he doesn’t know how to express himself or open up. He wouldn’t learn how to process his emotions, let alone talk about them. He’s basically emotionally stunted and immature in impersonal relationships (between friends and especially in regards to intimacy).

The Underground’s environment also makes him socially awkward, rude, of course stoic/not very expressive, and blunt. Levi was forced to become extremely observant of people to suss out their intentions, remaining vigilant of his surroundings at all times.

Levi doesn’t even get affection in any sense anymore. He doesn’t get a hug or a pat on the back, and he certainly doesn’t get a shoulder to cry on.

If anything, Kenny would punish him for showing weakness. Vulnerability is weakness; weakness is death.

What results is a continuous and boundless sense of emptiness inside that can’t be filled. He’s plagued by a chronic sense of unbelonging and loneliness. There’s no time or opportunity to develop “normally” as an adolescent. Socialization is limited at best; thinking of his place in the world is irrelevant when his one and only most pressing goal is survival; he doesn’t get to explore hobbies or interests.

OCD Propensity

One “interest” Levi is passionate about is cleaning, at least. Disease is what caused his mother to die. The easiest cause to point to would be their disgusting surroundings (although, Kuchel was infected by a customer). It is canon that Levi’s love of cleaning comes from "his personal experiences". In that interview, Levi first specifically references the important of fighting disease.

In other words, his "clean freak" nature comes, primarily, from the death of his mother: Filth -> disease -> death, and abandonment by extension.

His mother would’ve encouraged him to keep their room clean. There were times he or she had to have come down with something and dirtiness was the cause. On top of Kenny’s enforcement to keep up “clean” appearances to garner respect from everyone else in the Underground. 

This in particular is extremely relevant to his mental health. When someone feels out of control of what is happening to them, especially in a recurring way, and especially as a child who doesn't yet know how to feel stable in an unstable environment, they look for something to control. It can be weight, bodily functions (blinking, breathing, etc), dominance over others, or cleaning, for instance.

Fear of disease, the urgent need to have control, and the basic need for stability makes it obvious that Levi would become obsessed with cleaning. And moreover, developing OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I’ll go deeper into this diagnosis later.

Lack of Self Worth

Despite the acknowledgment throughout canon that he trusts in his own strength, it wasn’t always that way.

Canonically, Levi sought praise from Kenny by showing his strength because that was the only thing he received praise for. The conclusion Levi came to once Kenny left him was that he wasn’t strong enough (wasn’t good enough) to warrant staying with him.

In conjunction, Levi’s first conclusion was that he did something wrong, not that Kenny possibly had some obligation that forced him to leave the Underground, pointing again to his own lack of self-worth.

This scenario created a complex in him, the very root cause of Levi’s pain, the very foundation of what Levi would go on to prioritize in adulthood. If he isn’t useful to those he wants not to abandon him, he’s worthless. He’s only useful when he shows his strength. Every other aspect of him like his interests is either irrelevant or bland by default in his eyes.

He would go on to make it his mission to try his best to be good enough in order to save and protect the lives of others, but foremost those he cares about.

Young Adulthood

Our first exposure to Levi as an adult is in A Choice with No Regrets, his OVA/backstory.

(By the way, I’ll be basing this analysis off a mix of the manga and the OVA.)

Emotional Immaturity/Affective Dysregulation

Generally, Levi’s defining negative character trait as a young adult is his emotional immaturity/anti-social behavior. Yes he’s grumpy and rude which is always indicative of him, but he’s very quick to anger, too. He cursed at the Squad Leader who offended him (by assuming that because he, Isabel, and Farlan are from the Underground, they’d be dirty), and argued furiously with Farlan that he would kill Erwin—not because it was required for the job, but because he disrespected him—for a few examples. 

ACWNR ch2

He tended to be arrogant, too. Such as when he ultimately called a Scout who had experience with the Titans stupid for telling Levi to hold his swords in a certain way. He spoke to every officer the same as he would anyone on the street, having a remarkable lack of basic respect for authority. He was insistent on distancing himself from the entire setting and structure of the Scouts as much as possible, both to not get attached, and he found their mission childish/foolish. 

He’s rather selfish. There is nothing Levi cares about genuinely more than Isabel’s and Farlan’s lives and the job that will set them up with a good future. Farlan’s advice is the only one’s he takes and the only judgment outside himself that he considers, such as when Farlan asks him to not cause trouble with authority to keep a low profile, but even then he acts stubborn. Levi trusts nobody wholeheartedly except himself (until later in ACWNR).

There’s a cognitive dissonance in him. Growing up, and still as a young adult, Levi’s headspace is marked by fear and uncertainty, with his power as his source of confidence. The first time he kills a Titan (with Isabel and Farlan), he uses too much gas because he refuses to potentially risk his friends’ lives; when the expedition is upcoming, he abruptly tells Farlan and Isabel to find a reason to stay back, and that he’ll complete the dangerous part of the job on his own. 

Levi is full of repressed fear and uncertainty. He hides and/or buries all of it for the sake of self-preservation both emotionally and physically.

Antisocial Personality…?

It’s extremely interesting how a character as selfless, heroic, and empathetic as Levi exhibits antisocial symptoms. I’d even argue that if his childhood was spent entirely without his mother figure, then he might be a dictionary definition of ASPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder).

People with this disorder live day-to-day under the constant assumption that whoever is around them is “out to get them”/searching for a weakness to exploit. Humanity is made up of only prey and predators; morals are completely subjective, perpetuated by the society that surrounds them. This constant need to defend oneself, the effect of the exact trauma the potential sociopath experienced, combined with a muted emotional spectrum, results in a complete disregard of everything, including people outside of themself. They might believe they’re entitled to comfort or admiration, but overall, they’re intensely self-serving, often aggressive, and ruthless. 

Because Levi for instance learned to rely on violence both for “love” and survival, then he might fall on violence to manipulate a person or situation into serving himself. I see reason to believe that Levi could have grown into worse than Kenny’s image if it weren’t for his mother’s influence.

However, the greatest cause for deniability is Levi’s wide emotional spectrum (especially including empathy and shame), while a lack of shame is the most significant marker of ASPD . (It is arguably one of many testaments to his strength that a victim of so much suffering, violence, and cruelty could become a man as empathetic as him.) 

However, these tendencies may still be relevant: A sense of arrogance—both to the way Levi thinks of some who he perceives as weak and live without good morals—lacking issue with using deceit or violence to attain a goal, and living outside the rule of authority.

I go into more detail about this idea here.

Conclusion

As is true in general, there’s very little to say of mental development once someone has reached their early–mid-twenties. What we know of Levi’s young adulthood does reinforce his fear of abandonment, but he finds a cause where his strength and compassion can be “put to good use” and give to him a life that is worth living.

Conclusion: the ‘Present’/Diagnoses Overview

C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)

Levi’s emotional dysregulation (i.e., inability to sit with and process negative emotions), his difficulties in relationships, insomnia, negative worldview, absent sense of self, and finally, his persistent sense of unworthiness/worthlessness are all indicative of C-PTSD. It’s distinct from PTSD in that he didn’t endure one short-term traumatizing event, but he grew up surrounded by trauma and saw it as normal (e.g., gang violence, extreme poverty, death of a parent, (more presumably) physically and emotionally abusive parental figure). Levi as a child developed no understanding of a nurturing, secure environment. 

Negative/Absent Sense of Self

I’ve talked about this at length already, but it’s worth noting how Levi’s perception of himself must have changed when it was revealed that he is extremely strong physically not from his own efforts as much, but because he’s an Ackerman. 

His self-confidence and self-worth have always been built on the foundation of his strength. He’s useful if he’s strong, so he’s worthy if he’s strong. Along with the extreme high pressure his goal to kill Zeke put on him in season four, he might have gone to extreme measures to compensate for his strength he might have felt was “unearned” (such as excessive exercise for example). This is an aside, but it was a blow to him for sure.

Emotional Dysregulation

The causes of emotional dysregulation generally which he experienced are as follows: early childhood trauma, feelings ignored, judged, or invalidated at a young age, and physical and emotional child neglect. Beyond his first four years of life with his mother, Levi experienced all these things (early exposure to sex and likely exposure to domestic violence aside). 

It’s important to focus on emotional neglect specifically, when any and all perceived “weakness”, no matter how small, is unacceptable to Levi. He will never ask for help (being independent to a fault), he can’t define or process his emotions, and it doesn’t occur to him—and it could be a shock—when he learns that his friends care about him, not him insofar as how useful he is. 

As an adult, Levi appears to be emotionally mature, but I argue that this isn’t the case. It’s more accurate to say that he has better control over his emotions (in that he buries them or ignores them) with a mature outlook because of all his experiences with suffering.

Similarly, he’s not outwardly emotional not because he’s antisocial (as related to ASPD, not introversion), but because he’s so “emotionally constipated” that he’s numbed the vast majority of the time.

Relationship Issues + Fear of Abandonment

Because of his fear of abandonment and impaired emotional intelligence in close relational conflict, he’s extremely passive and/or passive aggressive. In order to avoid potential abandonment, he doesn’t go out of his way to win major arguments—such as threatening to break Erwin’s legs if he didn’t stay away from the expedition in season three, but ultimately giving in. He’s also more likely to sneak petty insults into arguments, give “silent treatment”, slam doors, etc. His kindness and exceptional empathy shouldn’t let him be physically or overly violent.

These are likely additions to why Levi doesn’t foster many close relationships.

Fittingly, as a child I thought that Levi might have had an anxious attachment style (clingy, excessive need for security), but as this possibility for security was removed entirely, and he was taught to not rely on others, he would develop more of an overt avoidant attachment in adulthood in combination (fearful-avoidant): making very few emotional demands—even though he has needs—withdrawing when there’s conflict, acting aloof yet fearing abandonment, having difficulty expressing emotions he feels intensely, and fear of depending on someone else.

Anxiety

His cool-headedness even in the heat of battle/war (other factors like experience aside) is exactly what you would expect from someone diagnosed with C-PTSD; he’s accustomed to chronic high-stress. But small stressors (i.e., a change of plans) are overwhelming and make him quick to anger/excessive annoyance.

OCD

Emotional dysregulation is also closely associated with OCD.

OCD is much much more than being concerned with keeping clean or organized. OCD is an anxiety disorder composed of anxiety-related obsessions and compulsions, such as frequent and disturbing thoughts or images (intrusive thoughts). These attempt to be managed through rituals (i.e., handwashing, counting in patterns). Although symptoms will fluctuate with anxiety, OCD at its baseline is a distressing disorder.

Since he was young, Levi should have had an incessant need to be in control at all times. A shining example of this is his mother’s death, an incident he couldn’t control but included dirtiness/disease as a cause he could pinpoint, so this anxiety with dirtiness becomes a major obsession, and the compulsion is cleaning. (Putting aside the fact that Levi enjoys cleaning by itself too.)

It’s a widely-held belief that if Levi has OCD, it’s contamination OCD, as it specifically has to do with an obsession with dirtiness and a compulsion in cleaning (i.e., damaging handwashing, ritualized bathing that may take hours). However, based on the multitude of times Levi was covered in blood and remained unbothered by it (Titan and human), and in fact the obsession’s lack of relevance entirely during urgent missions/situations, contamination OCD is simply not plausible. Instead, it’s general OCD.

There’s no way to know for sure, but I don’t see his OCD as mild or severe. Levi is an extremely orderly and balanced person, so it can be concluded he must have things done a certain way, routinely, organizational, or planned; when the dirtiness is “negative” (i.e., Titan blood, blood on a knife he used to kill Isabel’s attackers), he is never more rigid with cleanliness; it’s probable he suffers intrusive thoughts (likely of the violent nature), a fear of contamination, and/or counting ritualistically, but the most obvious compulsion is cleaning. He might have sensory issues, such as disgust if he happens to brush shoulders with a stranger; aversion to particularly bright lights, irrational rage towards “mouth sounds” (i.e., chewing, coughing, swallowing), etc.

EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified)

Levi should have a complicated relationship with food to say the least. 

In the realm of eating disorders, EDNOS is sort of a catch-all term when an individual doesn’t qualify for the diagnostic criteria of anorexia or bulimia, and it encompasses lesser-known eating disorders like Pica. It’s the most common diagnosis for clinical eating disorders.

I already covered how integral the early years of life are, and beginning at a young age, if children aren’t given a basic need like food, and they must seek out food on their own, it becomes an anxiety deeply rooted in the brain regardless of how well-fed they are when they’re older. There will always be an urge to have food available. Levi’s years in the Underground were spent either actively starving, or going about every single day having acquiring food as top priority. He was a young adult when he left, so it’s impossible to unlearn this (without extensive therapy, which Levi doesn’t seek). It’s similar to compulsions found in OCD: even though he logically knows that there will be a dinner after lunch, it’s impossible to put aside this worry. 

That may mean always having food stashed, eating too much—especially in his early years Aboveground when he’d eat as much food in a day than he’d eat in a week Underground— stealing food, or eating way too quickly (as someone who lived in a place where food was considered something of a luxury resource and threatened being stolen at any time).

The latter factor contributes to Levi’s suggested preference to only eat alone—joining the fact that Levi only eats with Erwin after expeditions. Eating in front of others should be considered a weakness to him.

As time passes with this easy access to food, combined with his extremely narrow sense of what makes him “good enough”, his relationship with eating may become toxic. Especially when the stakes of his worthiness are so high—literally life and death. He may think that he’s privileged to eat at all, and when he feels worthless, he restricts himself from that “privilege”. 

He may be so accustomed to the feeling of hunger, that it doesn’t immediately register with his mind when he is hungry.

Lastly, he may have a generally low appetite. This is often associated with depression, but depression is comorbid with C-PTSD.

Misc.

Some tangents/miscellaneous speculation about Levi’s psychology:

Queer?

Sexuality is formed and shifts due to a wide variety of factors, which most if not all are terribly understudied: genetics, hormones, and your environment/experiences. So again, my speculation.

With his fear of close relationships and negative experiences with sex, I think he should land somewhere on the queer spectrum, specifically under the asexual or aromantic umbrella (i.e., pansexuality/being panromantic (attraction to personality) and demisexuality/being demiromantic (attraction only to those he has an emotional connection to)).

MDD

The odds of Levi having MDD (major depressive disorder/clinical depression) are iffy. Most if not all of the symptoms are comorbid with childhood trauma and C-PTSD: Such as persistent apathy, guilt, and/or discontent; sleeping too much or too little; lack of energy; reduced or heightened appetite; irritability. 

Oftentimes, depression, C-/PTSD, and related mental illnesses cause unexplained physical pain, such as back pain and occasional tension headaches. “Stress hormones” like adrenaline are built-up in the body, and usually persist without physical therapy and-or medication (Disclaimer this mention is based on nothing more than Levi always standing with at least one hand on his hip).

Body Language

Similar can be said of his body language from a cognitive perspective. The vast majority of the time, Levi has himself closed-off in some way, usually by crossing his arms to protect his chest; a subconscious barrier between oneself and another person.

Also see this official art of Levi asleep.

Afterword

We’ve known it’s not just Levi’s physical strength and skill that makes him the strongest, right? It should take immense mental strength to make it day-by-day dealing with the trauma and issues that he does, but not only has he survived and continues to, but he lives heroically, selflessly, with the wellbeing of everyone around him as a top priority. He buries all of his pain by moving forward always and without exception regardless of how painful the present is. Living with “no regrets” should in mental respects be a guise for pushing his trauma down, too; there’s just no words that can properly do Levi’s resilience justice.

Part of me wants to go into detail about his later adulthood, but given how very little we know (right now), I think it’d be too speculative.

However, based on what we have seen at the ending of AOT, it’s comforting to know and plain to see that Levi wasn’t defeated when he “lost” the reason to be so strong, and even his strength itself; he didn’t lose his love for his friends nor of life. 

In middle age, based on Erikson’s psychosocial stages, the conflict that should enter Levi’s life is the idea of generativity versus stagnation. He seems satisfied with his life despite the negative effects of all he went through—grief, physical disability, inevitable mental scarring—and he’s still concerned with helping others, especially the younger generation in a world after the overwhelming devastation that was the Rumbling.

My speculated psychopathologies/diagnoses of Levi:

C-PTSD (insomnia prevalent)

OCD (contamination obsessions)

EDNOS

[kitixie]

Little Girl Gone (pt 3)

Synopsis: After Tommy fixes you up, you can't help but let old feelings get in the way. Then, the unexpected happens.

word count 2.8k

information/warnings: cursing, talk of death, not too much, the LIGHTEST hint of smut activity. this chapter is very strange to me, i wrote 3 different versions of it, and this is the one that i felt would carry the story further. not proofread!!

taglist: @budugu, @ajmiila02, @filmtv2022, @cyphah, @ce1iat, @thenattitude

thank you all so so much for reading, i hope you enjoy this chapter!! please leave a comment if you had questions, critiques, anything!

As you sat in the back office of the Garrison, waiting for Thomas, you heard the wails of a man coming from the bar. You could hear every single time a punch connected here, a kick landed there, and the screams that punctuated each. If you strained your ears hard enough, you could hear small grunts and pants of air coming from another man, who you assumed to be Tommy. The beating continued for another few moments, and all you could do was listen. The cries and moans of pain eventually stopped, followed by a distinct voice. 

“Get ‘em out of my fuckin’ pub. I’ve got to go see about my girl.” 

It was Tommy, and he called you ‘his girl’ in front of everyone. 

Tommy entered the office, wiping his hands with a bar rag. You noticed the slight red tinge on the cloth, but decided to let him handle it, he was Tommy Shelby after all, surely he’d had worse than a couple of bruised knuckles. You watched him, as he cleaned his hands and then looked at you. Without speaking, he moved to his desk and opened one of the lower drawers. He pulled out a small white box, marked on the top by a small red cross. 

“C’mere, Love. Let me see that cut.” He said, motioning for you to sit on his desk while he sat in his chair. 

You walked towards him, wringing your hands together out of nervousness. Not only were you nervous because you were about to have his undivided attention, but him calling you ‘his girl’ still rang loud in your mind. You approached his desk, standing in front of where he was seated in his chair. He stood, hooking his hands under your arms, and lifted you so that your ass was directly on top of his desk; you were fairly certain you were sitting on some important legal documents. He softly grabbed your chin, and tilted your head to the side, allowing for him to get a clear view of your face. He gave a little ‘hmph’ and opened the first aid box. He pulled out a spray, an ointment, and a bandage. You realized how lucky you were to not need stitches when you saw the plain needle and thread also in the box. 

“This is going to sting Love, so just sit still for me, okay?” He spoke, turning your head so that you had to look him in the eye. 

“Okay, Tommy.” You nodded. 

He began with the spray, which stung like hell, but you were tough and you wanted to be good for him so you sat still as frozen concrete. The small smile that appeared on his face at your little grimace didn’t go unnoticed. 

“Good girl. The next thing shouldn’t sting, but still, don’t move.” He said, the deep baritone of his voice making your ears heat up. 

While Tommy was applying the ointment and bandage to your forehead, the two of you began talking. He told you a little bit about the war, as you were young and left almost as soon as he got back. He still felt guilty speaking about it to you now, in his mind you were innocent, despite how you just beat a grown man's ass into the dirt a few moments prior. He thought that you should never have to know about war, about mass casualty. He told you about the tunnels he helped dig and operate, and every once in a while when he would get choked up, you would rub your hand along his arm that was still doctoring your face. One particular moment made you realize just what he had been through. 

“We were down there, it was dark and it stunk. My God, Y/N, it stunk. People died down there and we had no way to get them out, no way to even try and get them help. Towards the end, one of my comrades, one of the few I was actually friendly with, he got hit. We never even saw it coming. He got left down there, and sometimes, I still see him…” Tommy trailed off. 

You watched him with sympathy as a single tear rolled out of his eye. Tommy had seen you cry plenty, but this was the first time you had ever even seen his eyes water. 

“Shh, it’s okay, Tom. Why don’t I tell you more about my time up North? Did you know thats where I went? Up North?” You said softly, trying to get him to come out of his head and back into the present with you. 

“I knew you went North, Y/N. I called around about you until I found someone who knew where you were. I just wanted to know you were safe.” He said. 

Tommy had looked for you? Not only looked, but he knew where you were this entire time? So much for ever truly getting away from the Shelby’s, you laughed at yourself. 

“Well then how come I never heard from you? If you knew where I was, why didn’t you ever stop in? Or were you watching me so that you’d be able to stop me from ever coming back?” You scoffed, now leaning back on your hands since he was done with your cut. 

“Of course I wanted you to come home, Y/N. I didn’t reach out because I thought you ran away from me. I didn’t want to scare you off the continent, so I settled for just knowing you were safe.” He replied, packing up his first aid box. 

You studied his expression, and savored his words in your mind. You had been holding feelings for Tommy since you were 16. You were both grown now, and although you couldn’t be certain, the things he was saying sounded an awful lot like something you’d say to someone you cared for. You decided to bite the bullet, and expose your younger self. 

“Look Thomas, we’re both grown, professional, adults right?” You said, cocking your head to the side. 

“...Right?” He answered, giving you a puzzled look. 

“Well then, I’m just going to out myself, and if you don’t like what I have to say then we’ll pretend I didn’t say it,” you paused, just trying to see if he would interrupt, he didn’t. “I have looked at you in so many ways Tommy. I’ve seen you be a brother, a friend, an enemy, but all you ever were to me, since I was sixteen years old, was Tommy. My Tommy. I have pined after you and wanted you since I was sixteen, and you never gave me the time of day. I don’t know what you mean by all of what you’ve said, especially earlier when you were poking fun at me over dinner, but I can see that you care for me Tommy. I’m not sure how thick you think these walls are, but I heard you call me ‘your girl’ earlier. You have opened up to me without reserve like I have never seen you do before Thomas. Never. I’m saying all this to say a few things. One, I didn’t say goodbye to you because I couldn’t face you. I knew that if I had to look at you, and have one last conversation, that I would hold onto that for the rest of my life, and those words would be the only ones of yours that I could ever hear in my head. Two, I want you to understand, and make no mistake, that I like you Thomas. Not just in a ‘well he’s fine, I like him way’, but in a way that makes my ears hot, that makes me want to giggle like a child and swing my arms around. I like you in a way that is bordering on love, Tommy. And three, I need to know if you feel the same way. I need to know. Even if you don’t, even if you have never looked at me like that and you never will, and all I will ever be to you is an annoying family friend, I need to know.”

You took a deep breath, unsure of what was going to come next. You felt a single tear roll down your cheek, but not from sadness, from relief. You had been holding onto these feelings for years, you never shared them with anyone, their weight was your own. You watched his face as he processed all of this. Practically watched the wheels turn in his brain. You had watched him so much, that you had his beautiful face committed to memory, forevermore trapped in your brain. This version of Tommy, the version where he hadn’t yet opened his mouth to tell you that he doesn’t like you, that he doesn’t see you like that, was perfect. He was beautiful, all soft pink lips and tortured blue eyes. You even thought the dark colors under his eyes from being sleep deprived were pretty. You took one last photo of him in your mind, before he opened his mouth. He stood from his chair, putting him above your eye level. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it shut again. He did this a few times, each time the look in his eye changing with the opening and closing of his mouth. Finally, he spoke. 

“Y/N, I am rarely left speechless, but I think you’ve caught me here, Love.” He said softly, bringing his hand up to cradle your jaw. 

He leaned his head in towards you, slower than you ever thought it possible for a human to move. Once you realized what was happening, a million thoughts ran through your head. Were you really about to kiss Thomas Shelby? Was he really about to kiss you? Here? In his office? You never imagined this would be his response to your love-fueled ramblings, but this was the best outcome you ever could’ve hoped for. You had fallen for this man many years ago, but those feelings weren’t like regular school-yard crushes. They never went away, never dwindled, never stopped or changed in any negative value. You had filled your own head with imagined words he’d said to you, convincing yourself that if he ever noticed you, just once if he could see you for the woman you truly are, that he would love you, or like you at least. But now, after you had confessed and outed and embarrassed yourself in his office, now is when he chooses to notice you? Here? While your face is bandaged up from a bar brawl that you got into? You weren’t the typical woman that Tommy Shelby went for, not now. He would go for women who were outwardly dainty, yet fierce inside. Women who carried small pocket knives in their dress pockets, and would brandish them as a ‘party trick’. Tommy Shelby did not go for women who held their own, physically. He did not go for women who stole knives off of fighting opponents, who held their composure getting fixed up in a dark back office, women who went away for five years and turned up without so much as a ‘hello’ or ‘goodbye’. 

Your inner monologue quickly settled, as you realized that you had created all of those thoughts within a few milliseconds, as here stood Thomas before you, still leaning in to press his lips to yours. You waited, breath hitched, eyes slowly closing, lips slowly parting, your hand coming to rest on his waist, just waiting for the fiery moment when his lips touched yours. 

“Aye!” A crash came through the doorway. 

Tommy jerked back, taking his hand and all your thoughts with him. You stared at him with an open mouth, chest moving wildly up and down, and then turned to the man who ruined your fucking moment. Arthur Shelby. 

“What in the hell do ya’ two think your doin’? ‘Specially you, Y/N. Why the fuck are ya startin’ fights in my pub?” Arthur asked, his hands resting on his hips. 

“I didn’t start shit, Arthur. Maybe make sure you don’t let fuckin’ creeps in the door and I wouldn’t have to teach these men a thing or two!” You shouted, mad at Arthur for many reasons. 

One, how dare he come in here and start talking at you, not even asking if you’re okay? Two, He just ruined the best fucking moment you’d had in five long, miserable, dry years. 

“Oi, Arthur, you could at least ask her if she's okay,” Tommy remarked, turning his attention towards you again. 

You stared at the two brothers, feeling the slightest bit unhinged. You had yelled at Arthur when he was acting like a reasonable buisness man, of course he’d want to know why there had been a knife fight in his pub. However, would it have fuckin’ killed him to wait five more seconds before he came barging in? 

“Arthur, I’ll go over all the details tomorrow,” Tommy spoke again, “For now, lets get Y/N back to Watery Lane. I’m sure news has spread and Ada and Pol will skin me if I don’t let them see her in one piece before I take her home.” 

The three of you headed outside, loading up into the Shelby car. You sat in the back, with Tommy driving and Arthur in the passenger seat. There was no conversation made on the way back to the Shelby home, only silence. You watched as buildings passed out of the window, wondering what was going to come of you and Tommy now? There had been such a buildup, and obviously he felt some kind of way about you, right? 

Once the three of you made it to Watery Lane, it was absolutely pouring outside. A thunderstorm had come from seemingly nowhere, lighting the sky up in streaks of white-purple light every few seconds. The rain fell heavily against the roof and windows of the car, and Tommy offered you his jacket as a cover for your head. You accepted his offering, and the lot of you scurried as fast as you could into the foyer of the home. 

“Y/N, I don’t think I’ll be able to take you home tonight, Love. Are you comfortable staying here?” Tommy asked, now that Arthur had wandered off deeper into the house. 

“Of course, Tommy. It won’t be the first time I’ve slept here. But is there room for me?” You questioned, realizing that either everyone was home (for once), meaning all rooms were occupied. 

“Don’t worry about that, we’ll find you a good place to sleep.” He said, a sly smile coming across his face. 

After explaining the whole situation to Polly and Ada, you were beyond tired. It was well past midnight at this point, and you could barely hold your eyes open. Tommy seemed to take notice, and bid the two other women goodnight for the both of you. He took your hand and lead you up the stairs to his room. 

“You can borrow some of my clothes to sleep in, okay, Love? I’m going to go to the bathroom to change, just open the door when it’s safe for me to come back in.” He said, handing you a folded up shirt and pair of boxers. 

You quickly stripped off the wet clothes, hanging them to dry in his closet. You ran your fingers through your damp hair, trying your best to smooth it out from the rough night you’d had. You cracked open the door of Tommy’s room, and saw him standing in the hallway, gazing at the door. Once he snapped out of his trance, he came into his room and shut his door behind him. 

“You look good in my clothes, Y/N.” He whispered, barely loud enough to be heard. 

You felt your cheeks blush at his comment. You saw him walk behind you, and then heard the creaking of bed springs. 

“Where am I going to sleep, Thomas?” You asked, not understanding why he was getting into bed when the situation hadn’t been resolved. 

“Right ‘ere, Love,” he patted the other side of his bed, “I don’t bite, I promise.” He smiled. 

You gave him a hesitant look before climbing into his bed, suddenly feeling relaxed by his smell. His presence was all around you. You could smell him on the sheets, you could hear his breathing behind you as you lay on your side, and then, you could feel his arm around your waist as he pulled your back flush to his warm, bare chest. 

“Goodnight, Y/N. Sleep well, Love.” Tommy whispered, still holding his grip on you. 

“Goodnight, Tommy.” 

[gynnnicsworld]

Does Derek prefer to believe Scott over Stiles? Is stiles and lydia connection in season 3 really as strong as many say? Stick around for us to talk about it!

I really don't want to offend anyone, I just want to open a kind of conversation with people willing to discuss with arguments and reflect in a respectful manner.

You know, I was in some kind of "debate" with some people online, and These people really didn't know how to dialogue calmly.

But they helped me to reflect and want to find people who know what they are talking about.

Let's start with the first topic:

Does Derek prefer to believe Scott over Stiles?

Context: This question was raised in the situation of Donovan's death at the 'hands' of Stiles, many said that without a doubt Derek would be on Scott's side because to begin with Derek comes back again and again for Scott when he needs him. And that Scott is like a brother to Derek and that Stiles is simply Scott's 2x1, but in a situation like that of Donovan and Stiles, Derek would undoubtedly choose to believe Scott.

While I argued that Derek would definitely go to Stiles to find out 'the truth', and I say 'truth' like that because I argued Derek has ALWAYS sought out Stiles for answers and in moments where he doesn't know what's true and what's not, trusting 100% in what Stiles tells him.

credits GIF: Colethewolf

I also recognize that at some point along the way, Derek began to consider Scott as a brother or something like that, and I do NOT detract from the connection that exists between Scott and Der, but despite this, I completely believe that Derek would support Stiles, in addition to the fact that Der does not see everything in black and white like Scott does, because Der's personality is that of someone who knows that the world, like people and situations, are gray.

Plus, we all know that Stiles is literally Derek's anchor and Derek goes to him for help whenever he needs it.

Second topic: Is Lydia and Stiles' connection as strong as many say in season 3?

Context:

This question is about whether Lydia is the right "anchor" at that time for Stiles to bring him back from the ritual. Some people say that Lydia was already in love with Stiles at that point, and that their connection was special and that Stiles' ajar door was already like that before the ice bath and that it has nothing to do with Lydia and their connection.

And here I do not mean to offend anyone or start any ship wars, no, here I said "At that time the relationship between Stiles and Lyds was not deep enough, at that time Lydia had just begun to consider Stiles a friend, but the friendship between Lydia and Stiles was not at the level that Lydia and Allison was at that time, so I consider that was not the best option for Stiles. Unlike Scott and Deaton who have a father-son type connection. While Ali feels romantically attracted to Isaac and vice versa.

I mean, I love the friendship between Lyds and Stiles, to me they are the smart badass duo, I deeply love the connection they have, to me Lydia and Stiles are the only ones (with the exception of Peter, because we have to be honest, that guy is really smart) who can follow each other's level of thinking/intelligence, and truly getting a connection with someone like that is quite difficult so I understand that both of them feel mutually understood by each other. And I think that's essentially where that special connection they have, they are the brains of the pack, thanks to them most of it is still alive.

But having said all that, I still think that the connection between Lyds and Stiles at that point wasn't deep enough yet and it wasn't the right choice.

Please leave your opinions <3 and thank you

[mossy-green-aka-ferrythem]

The new W Corp Event definitely has caused me to think a lot more deeply about W Corp...

...and how its stagnation shows something of a bit of hope in the city. That absolute cruelty cannot be absolutely sustained.

I think the big thing is how while Lobotomy Corporation's dissolution and the plan Ayin carried out was meant to be the thing that changed everything, really Angela's choices made it so it wouldn't go through.

But here's the thing. Angela may very well be the strongest of all of them.

She withstood eternity.

She saw those who couldn't withstand it in the WARP, and was disgusted.

I think what makes the eternity in the WARP Trains so just, awful is that the residents of The City sort of live without hope.

They won't connect with one another, if they do it is in a broken and warped way. The connection is either made with violence, or through desperation, like they truly don't like the idea of connection, or have such a conservative idea of it that you end up with scenarios like "Love Town".

Even in the recent event, you see that one of the only way someone can take pleasure in this sort of eternity, is to treat it as a banquet. A kingdom. Cannibalism. I believe that W Corp can be linked to a thematic cannibalism. The metaphor here doesn't have any warmth though, it's a cannibalism of the human spirit.

We see this in the Sinners W Corp IDs.

Notice how the light has so clearly left their eyes?

Hong Lu's demeanor rings incredibly hollow, his smile having the most false appearance out of all his IDs. Don Quixote's joyful spirit has been crushed. Faust in this world feels like a very sorrowful being, sort of making one think about Faust as a more sorrowful character. That Fausts like W Faust exist, existing in such a jaded, hopeless state. Meursault does what he must do for the Wing, but I would imagine he is totally lost because of that. Ryoshu seems to delight in the halls of gore, but I don't think this is a good thing, if anything it shows her totally going off the deep end, and Outis seems like she's become completely lost in her Odyssey...

All of which have been sort of devoured by the cruelty of it all. That they cut apart and put back together pieces of their fellow humans in such a way. It feels different than the death that follows the war-like environment of the general city, because most of these people were normal. Most of these people could have been parents, with children. They could have been truly upstanding individuals, they could have been many things...

However, since the people of the City lack hope, lack warmth, lack pleasure, they cannot withstand eternity. They cannot withstand impossibly slowed time. They cannot do any of it, and will only be consumed.

However... this cruelty... all the time of all the people sent off on the WARP Trains...

It seems like a fairly recent invention all things considered...

Even if the time by now is enough to wrap around the entire history of life on Earth by now, spent in the WARP...

There is something about the idea that. It can end. People don't take pleasure in this. It brings out the worst of The City in such a drastic way, that surely it cannot be sustained...

That and the collapse of Lobotomy Corporation has just been a net positive for. Everyone.

Just look at how the Sephiriah are in Ruina! Look at how Angela found herself! Look at how they still stand, looking at the city, representing a new beginning, a new hope!

The eternity in those trains may be awful, but there is a way through it all... it will end one day... just like how the eternity in those trains end...

Just like how they have found entire WARP Trains full of people holding hands... there is a way through it all, there is still humanity in the wake of all this madness...

Hell just. Look at how Don Quixote knew how the Bloodfiend would have these people fade away, never to return. She would rather face eternity than to accept a scenario where these people never come back, and that is quite powerful.

Really it is all so interesting. Horrific beyond belief, but so interesting...

[rosenotactuallyquartz]

i just got involved with the fandom on social media, and i’m surprised that the pearlrose “unrequited” misconception is still a thing, after all these years. i’m also surprised by how hated they are. as a ship, individually, etc.

even if sugar + burnett didn’t state that pearlrose was requited, i would know from the behavior of their friends.

in the movie, amethyst referred to rose as the “love of pearl’s life.” sapphire told pearl that she “swept rose off her feet.” pearl + rose lived together for centuries, but they also lived with garnet + amethyst. if the love was unrequited, they would have behaved very differently.

pearl herself would have behaved differently, too. she’s incredibly intelligent. many girls crush on her and she’s survived a lot, even prior to rose’s death. i could never picture a situation in which pearl lives with someone she is so clearly in love with for so many years, while that someone doesn’t feel the same way. pearl survived a war, escaped from homeworld, then raised a child & fixed the issues between her & greg during the early stages of grief. she loved and protected someone for thousands of years, and then lost her. if it was unrequited over 5,000 years ago, pearl wouldn’t be saying rose made her feel like she was “everything” and pearl probably would have taken space. rose would encourage this, because pearl’s happiness was always important to her.

their requited love and deep emotional connection that they had with no one else is evident, even without all the clear evidence in the episodes. rose wouldn’t blush and exclaim, “please don’t ever stop” as a response to pearl’s love confession if she didn’t feel the same way. she would simply say, “yes, you should imagine things on your own, but…” and they absolutely would not have nearly fused.

the flashbacks with greg are confusing and there’s information about pearlrose left out *because* this is a story told by greg to his child. of course there are missing perspectives and details left out. and also, there are thousands of years between the war flashbacks and the greg flashbacks. pearl and rose spent centuries together and we only see about ten years in total. the creators confirmation that pearlrose is requited *can* make sense.

every steven universe relationship is complicated with undesirable aspects. pearl and rose were two very traumatized individuals who went through so much together. yet they don’t seem to get much sympathy, from what i’ve seen on some platforms. one or both characters are often viewed as “toxic,” and their relationship being nonexistent and unrequited makes less sense than the opposite. are there some unhealthy aspects? of course! but i also think the unhealthy aspects of so many other relationships in the show are overlooked. just like how the beautiful parts of pearlrose are ignored. the *love* between pearlrose is ignored.

[maidenvault]

RotJ makes a point of letting us know that Leia is Luke's sister, they've known this on some level for a long time, and he probably cares more about her than anyone in the world because this gives so much more weight to his conflict at the end of the movie, and I think this is a huge thing people overlook when they argue that him redeeming his father represents a rejection of the old Jedi ways of non-attachment. Because in the moment he has to let go of Leia and his friends to be able to actually save Anakin.

When Obi-Wan tries to convince Luke that he has to kill Vader and there's no other way, he doesn’t really discuss it as an issue of Luke having an attachment to him. I think he knows this isn't really the Jedi way but just like in the previous war, they don't seem to be faced with any good choices. Obi-Wan believes what Luke wants is truly impossible and, having failed to stop Vader when he could have before, of course he's trying to stop Luke from making the same mistake.

But it's significant that in the same conversation, Obi-Wan does warn him that his love for his sister could be made a liability if he's not careful. When Luke learns he has a twin and reveals how strong a connection he feels with Leia because he doesn't even have to be told who it is, Obi-Wan's response sets up how this will play into the climax of the film:

"Your insight serves you well. Bury your feelings deep down, Luke. They do you credit, but they could be made to serve the Emperor."

Then when Luke is brought to Sidious, he reveals to Luke that the Rebellion is walking right into a trap as a way to torment and provoke him. Luke gets angrier and angrier while helplessly watching the fleet get ambushed and finally does just what Sidious wants and tries to attack him. But it's Vader specifically threatening Leia that makes Luke totally lose control of his feelings and fight him in a rage.

Luke is basically facing the same kind of test he failed so badly in ESB by running off to help his friends. When Yoda is trying to make him see he's not ready to face Vader and keep him from going to Bespin, he says something that I think is such an underrated quote in its importance to Luke's whole journey:

"Decide you must how to serve them best. If you leave now, help them you could, but you would destroy all for which they have fought and suffered."

Luke is really lucky he doesn't get killed in Cloud City (or captured, which I think at this point could have resulted in him being turned). Yoda knows Luke is the one person with a chance of defeating the Emperor and Luke just about throws that away.

But at the end of RotJ when Luke cuts off Vader's hand, he surely is reminded of his failure at Bespin and sees the path he's starting down by succumbing to his fears like that again. He stops because he sees he's betraying his loved ones and everything he is. He can only throw away his weapon and confidently tell the Emperor to eat shit then because he's no longer afraid of dying or of those he loves dying. He's done what his father couldn't do and kept his soul intact, which is what Leia would want. Because real love isn't selfishly trying to save someone by betraying what they believe in like Anakin did with Padme. And it obviously has to be an incredibly powerful thing for Vader to see his own son able to do this, even comparing himself to the man he once was ("I am a Jedi, like my father before me").

We remember everything working out okay so it's easy sometimes to forget that Luke gives this triumphant speech when the rebel fleet is getting pulverized outside and things overall still look pretty hopeless. He probably expects he could die at this point. But like Obi-Wan in his own death scene, he knows nothing can destroy him now. And it's the love he feels for his family that gives him the strength to let go.

[ouroborosorder]

So, Deepcolor's oprec released, and upon reading a summary of it, I basically felt the entire world of Arknights click into place. Hear me out.

Deepcolor's Oprec details that Deepcolor was convinced by a messenger of the Cult of the Deep to become Seaborn. But she stopped her own assimilation when she realized that the Seaborn do not appreciate aesthetic beauty. She was disgusted, and literally left and stopped her own assimilation entirely due to her love of art, and has been holding it back with her painting.

And this made me realize. This is true of every character with seaborn blood who has resisted assimilation. Skadi sings. Specter sings. Laurentina sculpts. Gladiia dances. Mizuki cooks. Deepcolor is a painter. Amaia still translated books long after she had become Seaborn. Garcia played the piano. Lorenzo cared for the Stultifera.

Which also means...

... Anita was never assimilated. Not fully.

But this makes sense, even outside of a "art holds back the darkness" power of friendship-tier story beat. Assimilation is the surrendering of the individual self to unity, the acceptance that you do not matter, that all that matters is giving your life and your existence to the perpetuation of a greater Whole. They cultivate only to consume. They sing, but their song is a profound silence.

And what is more individualistic, more self-revealing than art? There is no artistic expression without the self, without the understanding that you are a distinct voice, that your perspective matters, that there is only one you.

Perhaps you may have noticed, but this is the same as the Yan-Sui. They hold back the collective with their individual passions. Painting, movies, poetry, games, war.

There's one other thing with a connection to artistic expression - but this time, positively. Originium Arts. Artistic ability has long been associated with Originium Arts capability - Amiya plays the violin, Frostnova sings as she enters the battlefield, Goldenglow's hairdressing, Astesia's divination powering her arts, Lucian the Blood Diamond. I mean they're called Arts for the love of god, it's not exactly subtle.

But the Rhine Lab manga tells us that when an Oripathy carrier dies, the Originium left behind contains their DNA sequence, left behind after death. They may die, but there is something that is always left behind, something that always remains behind. There is always the thing that let them do their Arts. There is always their artistic ability.

There is always their art.

You do your art until you are taken by death, but what remains behind is the traces of it, the artistic DNA you have left behind, your Arts itself. You're gone, but the remnants are still there. And someone else will find it, taking your Arts into themselves to do their own Arts themselves. Sometimes it becomes part of you, living with you and growing inside you, granting you your abilities. Sometimes you simply hold it and use it as fuel and inspiration to make your own Arts.

And this is always what Arknights has been about. Not just metaphorically, but literally.

They hired individual artists, asking them to make characters according to their own sensibilities and style, then putting them into a cohesive world. They got talented musicians and gave them carte blanche to contribute to the musical identity of this game. They got talented voice actors and let them just go ham on the mic. The game's story concept debatably originated because of Lowlight creating Kal'tsit for a make your own OC art game.

It has always been about individuals, putting everything they have, everything that makes them unique, every part of their histories and sensibilities and quirks and personalities and identity and selfish desires and allowing them to shine as a collaborative effort, working together towards a greater goal that means something to people.

An organization of people, Infected by the artistic DNA of those they carry close. People using their Arts to push back the darkness, as best as they can. Even if they stumble and fall, even if they make mistakes, they will always try. To enjoy their life and practice their art.

Because the two greatest threats to the world of Terra, the Seaborn and Sui, are held back by.. simple artistic passion.

The passion and love of the community, the individual given space to shine and collaborate, singing to drown out the terror of the song without sound, the art without beauty, and the collective without the individual.

[witchofthesouls]

What’s your thoughts on the Cone head seekers?

I got a lot. But it's expanding on the "Starscream is Vosian royalty" trope in the tf fandom.

The Coneheads are part of the Vosian Elite hierarchy. The tension between Starscream and Thrust is made worse by their family connection as well as their heritage and social customs. They're 'cousins' through their mothers.

Vos is a matrilineal society and places a deep emphasis on full carriages. Vosians believe that the newsparks gain more durability being nurtured within their carrier's frame. Starscream has a higher rank due to his own carrier belonging to a femme who's the sparkling of femme Winglord's clutch, and she managed to bring Starscream to term despite the high-risk medical complications that unfortunately whittled down to only one viable sparklet. (She was a favored daughter and an excellent diplomat for other city-states. With strings, she buried the medical records that another attempt could kill her before the sparklets had a chance to drop down.) A very ill omen among the Vosians as it means an early death or major compatibility issues with others.

Meanwhile, Thrust came from a "proper" clutch from a carrier that can trace her lineage to a Ruling Trine. However, she was sired by those mechs upon a bondmate.

Going back to the Coneheads. It's a high-ranking trine that is the equivalent of head of the royal security forces and major contenders to succeed to the Ruling Trine or court a femme Winglord or settle her heat should she has no claimed trine or lover.

Non-Seekerkin can not understand how they can function with that kind of system that allows the possibility of deception and treachery. But it's their way of checks and balances within their social structure. The push-pull between the Winglord with the Ruling Trine and the constant testing with the outer and inner rings will hone skills and keep instincts sharp as violence is settled in acceptable manners.

Starscream and Thrust have major beef with other as they both differ on how to guide the remaining Vosians... and surviving Seekerkin. Thrust is very much: Vosian first. Decepticon second.

He also thinks of his cousin as a fuckup. He won't deny Starscream's brilliance, but it's crippled by how Starscream allows himself to be corrupted by 'outside' influences rather than keeping to themselves. A weakness, Thrust views, that stems from Starscream's attempts to go against traditions and expectations. Skywarp was an utter hellion of a Wilder barbarian, and Thrust still can't believe that Starscream trined to that when others mechs were willingly to overlook Starscream's ominous signs and standoffish quirks. The addition of a Praxian femme Thundercracker as the war escalated nearly had Starscream and Thrust come to blows. Starscream catapulting his way into Winglord and Decepticon SIC did have them come to blows. Starscream's trine won the right to lead.

Meanwhile, Starscream sneers at his cousin's lack of imagination. He's upset that Thrust's shortsightedness had been nurtured by Vosian sense of superiority... which crippled them with interacting with other city-states and blinded them to their own troubles. And it even follows them to this point in the war. Even now, there's little mixing between Vosian Seekers and the rest of the faction. Unlike Skywarp that relishes his duties as the Left-Wing to a Decepticon SIC and Winglord and the remaining Decepticon Praxians and Polyhexians that have no issues intermingling with the rest of the faction, Starscream sees that they are getting isolated. He's banging his head against so many walls because that's something that needs to be taken care of before they're written off as they further dwindle. Air superiority means little without the proper numbers, and he already is verbally vivisecting any plans that propose to split trines to further air support across divisions. He may be the established Winglord, but he has too many duties to counter the social pull the Coneheads have on the remaining Vosians. Thundercracker keeps them in line, but she can't force them out to interact with the others.

(Their family was hoping that Starscream and Thrust would trine together as they had compatible skillets and opportunities to grow well together. Thrust could handle Starscream's acerbic words and guide him to of the more successful ventures, whereas Starscream had the creative vision to go well with Thrust's excellent social finesse.

However, their personalities and motivations clashed too much as neither of them are willing to back down. They kept hoping as Thrust was still settling with his brothers and classmates but still gravitated to Starscream, even to heckle at him... They eventually gave up after Starscream trined with Skywarp.)

[maelswife]

*awkwardly rubs back of my neck* sooooo uh how do u feel about Meliodas X Elizabeth??

oomf... you don't know what you started

So ngl, with this question at first I was like... its obvious, isn't it? Cause if you don't like Melizabeth, why are you even watching 7ds when the 1st season is 90% them? But then, I feel like this is actually an important question.

Meliodas and Elizabeth have such a deep connection which I So admire. Imagine leaving your family and whole race behind, breaking the world's laws for your love? Thats actually insane.( ´Д｀) I'm not the biggest Meliodas fan on its own, but Melizabeth is like, THE couple of 7ds.

And here comes the catch

Melizabeth is the core couple of the series— without them none of the action would have happened. The fact that its hated on so much is literally... like what?? So many people make jokes including Meliodas groping Eli, or with that one scene in s2 where he's like "Back off my woman." AND THATS THE ISSUE!! ITS SEASON 2!!!!

SO MANY of these idiots online haven't endured season 3 and 4, and are the first to judge. The fact that they only take THIS ONE SCENE speaks for itself. Meliodas saw 106 Elizabeth's die on his eyes after falling in love with him. Liz DIDNT EVEN HAVE THE CURSE ACTIVATED!! Her death was because of Fraudrin, and if Meliodas was there, it wouldn't have happened (yet). After 3000 years, he was already so broken— and mind you, with his original power from the Holy war still— that he destroyed a whole kingdom out of grief, AND THEN HAD ANOTHER ELIZABETH SHOW UP IN HIS LIFE RIGHT AFTER!! People don't know the fact that its been 3000 years of pain and MAKE HIM SOME DELUSIONAL PEDO??? UGHHHHH

I adore Melizabeth and will defend it with my life online.

[mystar-girl57]

𝐌𝐘 𝐂𝐇𝐑𝐘𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐔𝐌

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 || 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫

Summary: widowed Jake sully x reader

Warnings: reader has Thalassophobia (phobia of oceans/deep and large bodies of water)

Notes: okay ngl i'm starting to love reader and I wanted to add that bit in with Jake and turning his kids into soldiers because I see people debating that so much. I personally believe he isn’t but I just wanted to add it for drama. Anway love you all so much! <33

The next few days went by in a blur for you. As soon as you and Jake got inside your tent you had a family meeting announcing that you needed to leave High Camp. Unsurprisingly the children started to protest not wanting to leave their home. The forest is all they had ever known, the trees the animals, this was their sanctuary. You did not want to leave either, having such an attachment to this part of Pandora but you gently explained that it was for not only their safety but for the good of the clan. So after a few tears and comforting words everyone got to work packing.

When you arrived to tell Mo’at that you all were leaving she simply shook her head and mumbled something along the lines of “Ewya’s will”. Oh how you had come to hate that term “Ewya’s will”, anything that you did as of late was by Ewya’s will for better or worse and right now it had been primarily worse.

On the day that everything was packed and the Ikrans were ready to go the clan gathered at the Tree of Souls, your sacred spot to mourn the “death” of their dear Olo'eyktan and praise the rising of their new leader. You could not help but blink back tears as you looked up at the mighty tree, your direct connection to Ewya, your long lost family members, Neytiri. It had been since the last war against the Sky People that you visited here and now it was hitting you that you may never see the tree ever again.

Once Jake’s title had been passed onto the new leader of his choosing, the time to leave had come. The clan was split in two as you paraded down the middle in a quiet march, cries and wails from some of the members filled the atmosphere. You carried Tuk in your arms and Kiri stayed close to your side, her tail in her hands. You could feel the pain coming from both girls as Tuk sobbed into your neck. You kept your chin held high, willing yourself not to cry as you mounted Eylan and collected Tuk into your arms, wrapping the cloak around the both of you so you stayed warm.

You all looked back among the clan on final time before taking off into the sky.

The journey was a brutal one. For several days and several nights you flew across Pandora. The further from the forest you flew the worse that the conditions got. Soon land was no more and to your horror all that you could see was water.

Jake singalled for everyone to land on a beach that was at the cusp of the water for a break. You subconsciously obeyed, sending Eylan into a dive to the sandy land below. When Eylan touched the ground you hardly noticed. Your eyes were instead focused on the endless stretch of water that lay in front of you. It was a dark blue and you knew that if you were to fall into it you would be consumed into its darkness. Just the thought of it made you sweat.

Luckily there was a tug on your arm and you snapped your attention away from the water and down to Tuk who was still in your arms. She had a frown on her face, her big yellow eyes filled with concern. “Is everything okay Mama?” She asked, having noticed your panicked look and your labored breathing (something you were not even aware that you were doing.)

You gave a nervous chuckle, showing the little girl a fanged smile. “No need to worry Tuk, I am alright.”

Tuk gave you a look that told you she did not believe you but she didn’t have time to question you as Jake called out to the group. “Sully’s meeting fall in.”

You set Tuk down onto the sand gently letting her run ahead before you as you dismounted Eylan. When you got to the huddle pile you took a knee beside Lo’ak.

“Where we are going,” Jake began, “is to a clan known as the Metkayina. They live on the reefs of the Eastern sea. They are a water village meaning they are polar opposites from what we are used to. Instead of having a forest floor to run on or trees to swing through they have water and beaches.”

You frowned, your ears folding a bit as you side eyed the dark ocean to the left of you.

“What do we do if they say we cannot stay?” Tuk asked looking up at her dad and the kids looked at each other. That was a factor you yourself had not thought of. The selfish part of you hoped that they would turn you away so that way you would not have to be around such bodies of liquid death but you knew that this was your only chance of survival.

“Then we’ll keep searching sweetheart,” Jake sighed pulling his youngest close, “We’ll keep searching.”

You noticed the tiredness in the former leader’s tone. He was just as scared as the rest of you. He could not promise you all that this would be your safe haven, that you would be welcomed with open arms. But at this point all you could do was try.

The flight across the water was the worst part of the trip you had decided. As your mood worsened, so did the weather. Massive waves threatened to swallow you as you tried to maneuver around the sharp rock that seemed to rise out of the sea at the last moment. Tuk was nuzzled into your arms, her tail around your waist as she hid herself in your cloak. You felt her body shiver against yours and you pressed her closer to you, hoping to give her some warmth.

You looked on either side of you, Kiri and Lo’ak had their faces turned against the wind blinded by the sea spray and rain. Neteyam on the other land like his father was trying to keep his head held high, braving through the storm.

After a few more hours of flying in the inclement weather you came to the end of the storm front and the sun was shining down on you. The ocean below grew from a deep and deadly blue to be more shallow and transparent. But despite how innocent the water looked now you still knew how dangerous it was.

You felt a squirming and looked down to see Tuk popping her head up from under the cloak, her eyes still puffy with sleep. “Are we almost there?” She yawned. “I suppose we are.” You sighed seeing a village come into view.

As you drew closer you saw several na’vi out in the water. Most were swimming, fishing or collecting different sorts of supplies. What you noticed instantly though was how different they looked compared to you. They were a lighter, more green color than you, their features broader compared to yours. “They look funny mama.” Tuk whispered as you flew over the barrier and a horn blew. “Sh, manners Tuk.” You gently scolded while you followed Jake, landing on the edge of the beach.

Your arrival had drawn a crowd. Several of the Metkayina had come up to the beach, circling around you. You felt the tension rise in the air as you dismounted Eylan and helped Tuk down. “Stay close to me,” you whispered to the youngest Sully and she obliged, grabbing your tail.

Eyeing the clan members and the massive spears they carried you reached into your saddle bag for your barbed whip. Your eyes caught Jake’s and he shook his head, silently telling you not to bring it. You however gave the group another look and slipped it onto your loin cloth, letting it blend in as an accessory.

You watched as the crowd parted and a large Metkayinan man came up to you. He was taller than Jake, more muscular. His body bore several tattoos and from the way he was dressed you could easily see that he was a part of a higher power in the village. Then it dawned on you, this must be Tonowari. The Metkayina’s Olo'eyktan. You and Jake both gave him the sign of “I see you” and he did it to the two of you in return before pulling back to inspect you. The aura you got from him was not violent, he did not seem threatened by your presence, just concerned and confused.

He looked at each of you, making eye contact and when he came to you you did your best to not break it. The crowd parted one more and a woman came to his side. This was Ronal you figured, the Metkayina’s tsahìk. Unlike her husband she looked at you with nothing but distrust in her eyes. But you still gave her the motion of “I see you” just the same, not that she bothered to respond.

“Why do you come here.” Ronal demanded her words sharp. Jake took a breath and looked her in the eyes, trying to keep his tone calm, though he sounded almost meek. “We come seeking uturu.” His words earned a gasp among the clan. This request was rarely made throughout the Na’vi clans, it was always used as a last resort.

Ronal stepped into the small group that the you and the sully family had formed grabbing random parts of your body. She grabbed your tail then let it go and grabbed Kiri’s, making a comment about how it would be useless in the water. The teen girl let out a sound of pain as the woman squeezed her tail and you hissed. Ronal turned to look at you. She studied you and your body language with an unfazed demeanor. She noted how you were tense, holding Tuk behind you with your ears back and your teeth bared. Ronal was not the least bit intimidated and she continued on without a word. When she let go of Kiri’s tail the teen ran to you and stood behind you, Tuk holding onto her.

You watched Ronal’s movements with narrowed eyes. She went to Lo’ak and grabbed his hand. You knew what was about to happen. The tsahìk gasped in disgust before growling and holding his arm up so the clan could see his five fingered hand. “These children are not even true Na’vi!” She announced, “They have demon blood!” The clan broke out in murmurs, some even hissing, putting on a display of dominance trying to intimidate you.

Out of instinct you went to grab the weapon that was on your hip but Jake jumped in before anything happened. “Look! Look!” He waved his five fingered hand to Ronal, “I was born of the sky people but now I am na’vi. We can adapt.” He looked at the rest of you. “We will adapt.”

Ronal went back to her husband who was looking more unsure. “I have heard of your stories Toruk Makto and I know that your past is a violent one. We Metkayina are at peace. I am sorry but I cannot let you bring your war here,”

You let out a sigh feeling the rejection coming on as Tuk slipped from your grasp running to her father. Jake was beginning to feel desperate as he picked his daughter up. “No, no I am done with war I promise you.” He patted Tuk’s back, holding close to her. “I just want to keep my family safe.” Jake reached out and pulled you to him. “Please.”

This was a prime example of the displays that the two of you put on to appear as a doting couple. The hand that was currently settled on your hip meant nothing, you were just there to send the point home. To convince Tonowari and his mate to let you stay.

Tonorwari looked at you and Jake before looking down at his wife. They swapped looks, having a conversation that only the two of them could understand. Their blue gray eyes darting about searching the others. Finally Ronal shook her head, breaking eye contact. It seemed Tonowari had won.

“Everyone! We will bring the Sully family into our village. Treat them like they are your brothers and sisters. But remember, they will be like babies in the water, taking their first breath. Teach them our ways so they do not have to suffer the feeling of uselessness.”

At his words Jake perked back up, his hand coming off your hip. The ploy the two of you had put on worked. But what you were most concerned about was what Tonowari had said. Babies in the water. You looked to the water once more, tuning out what the rest of what the Olo'eyktan was saying. You would have to get in the water one way or another.

“Come on Mama!” Tuk’s excited squeal cut into your thoughts as she grabbed your wrist. You helped take some of the heavier items from her arms leaving her with a woven basket and you proceeded to follow the family into the village.

The girl who was showing you to your new home as you walked across the bouncy bridge was named Tsireya, the daughter of Tonowari and Ronal. Tuk was having the time of her life as you walked through the village bouncing along the walkway in front of you. “Come on Tuk,” You gently urged as you fell behind.

When you walked into your new home, a marui pod you found it did not differ too much from your home back at High Camp. “Oh this is great,” Jake grinned walking while carrying his gun box, “oh this is perfect!” You on the other hand did not think that it was perfect as you noticed the water underneath you.

“Alright Sullys take a knee, family meeting.” Jake announced once everything was set down. “Look, I want you all to be on your best behavior, learn their ways, be kind, be respectful, remember it is a privilege for us to be here.” You knew that most of the speech was for Lo’ak with how Neteyam pinched his brother’s braid.

Tuk however did not enjoy the speech and a sob rumbled from her throat catching everyone’s attention. “I don’t want to stay here,” she cried, “I want to go home.” At her words your heart broke and you opened your arm to her and she instantly hugged you. Jake sighed softly, “I know sweetheart but, this is our home how,” he gently rubbed her hair the best he could from how she was situated against you. “We just have to make the best of it.”

Make the best of it indeed. You thought unsure of how you would be able to do that. You knew that this was Ewya getting at you for ignoring her, but if she wanted you to start listening to her she needed to let up on you and the family you looked after. You knew in your heart, in your gut that things could and would get much worse. You just hoped that when that time came you would be prepared.

© 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫-𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝟓𝟕 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬 𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐬

🏷: @fanboyluvr @mashiromochi @newjeansbonnie @cleverzonkwombatsludge @atxara @jakesully-sbabygirl @ducks118 @ssc7514 @squidalapobre @anxietydrogz @myheartfollower @misscaller06 @itzyahgirllkita1

[wiltedkyinn]

healing scars (male reader!!)

(Slight neteyam x male reader, read part 2 not proofread lamo.)

y/n was deep asleep when one of the younger members of the tribe woke him up. “y/n get up they are forest na’vi”  the small girl tried dragging the older na’vi. “Fine, fine im up” his voice was barely above a whisper, still waking up. After a small walk they were meted with 6 darker na’vi. There was Ao'nung with his friend Roxto, picking on them because of their tail. y/n walked over to Ao'nung and grabbed his ear, slightly kicked his knees. He was in a kneeling position, “Ao' Nung! apologize immediately.” “y/n! Why are you defending strangers?” “Even if they are strangers, they deserve respect.” you pinched his ear, “now apologize.” his ear where y/ns hand was pinching was becoming slightly red. “I'm sorry” his voice was barely a whisper. “I'll finish dealing with the both of you later,” y/ns e/c eyed was glaring at Roxto. 

“Now, who are you?” his attention now at the unknown na’vi in front of him. “I'm Jake Sully, this is my family. Neytiri, neteyam, lo’ak, kiri, Tuktirey” the name was familiar in y/ns head “ the Toruk Makto? The great warrior neytiri? What brings you here?” Ronal and tonowari were now there. While jake and tonowari were talking i walked closer to the kids inspecting them. Suddenly Ronal grabbed one of the girls' hands, “they have demon blood!their not even real na’vi” 

y/n looked at the girl's hand before she pulled her hand back from ronal. “Show me your hand.” she told one of the boys, he obeyed. “Ronal, there is no reason to do this. They are already humiliated enough.” y/n was looking down into ronals eyes. She glared back, reluctantly letting go of the boy's hand. She then started making her way to tonowari. “Are you guys okay?” y/n again at a whisper. The boy nodded while the girl scoffed. In Front of them are the two mothers, one hissing the other arguing back. Jake apologized for her behavior. i walked back up to the front holding up Jake's hand. “You were once human right?” he nodded a couple of times, “that explains the children” i announced, hopefully to lift some tenison. The littlest one poked at my leg, the cyan na’vi squatted to be eyes level with her. “Yes?” his voice now at a normal tone, “what happened to your back?” the mother quickly interrupted “tuk! Don't ask questions like that.” “It's okay miss, let's see what they decide first.” he turned his face, smiling, to face the leaders of the tribe. 

They both looked at y/n with a somewhat concerned face, he nodded.  And that was it. They were officially accepted, as long as they didnt bring war and learn the way of water which me, Ao'nung, Tsireya and Roxto would help.

“Here I'll show you your pod. Where you'll be living.” y/n was in front of the family leading them, some kids tried to say hi, before they could their mothers snatched them away. Neytiri dropped a rug, a heavy thud was heard. Y/n started chuckling, “that's how i was when i was first accepted too,” “you aren't native Metkayina?”  He shook his head to the left and right. “I'll come collect you guys tomorrow so we can start training, good night,” with that the sully family was left alone.

Next week

(still teaching him how to dive.)

y/n knocked on the side of the pods. “You guys ready?” some hummed others nodded but Tuktirey's tail clinged onto the back of y/n's leg. y/n giggled cute he thought to himself. Finally reached the shore where Roxto, Ao'nung and Tsireya were. Y/n quickly saw how lo’ak was looking at tsireya, vice versa.

 After practicing diving to see how far they can go. y/n brought up breaking into pairs. Roxto with tuk, tsireya with lo’ak, Ao’nung. Leaving y/n with neteyam. “The way of water has no beginning and no end. The sea is around you and in you. The sea is your home before your birth and after your death. Our hearts beat in the womb of the world. Our breath burns in the shadows of the deep. The sea gives and the sea takes. Water connects all things, life to death. Darkness to light.” was whispering to netayam. To somehow calm him. “You have to breathe slower, to expand your lungs.” y/n reminding him, “breathe here. Not your lungs.” y/n was now holding neteyams stomach. The darker na’vi stared into the lighter ones eye. y/n cleared his throat, ��’here try diving again expert you'll have to catch something’’ y/n slowly took off a necklace, it had some beads, a couple shells, small rocks and at the heart of the string was a glowy dark blue oval rock. “It's a small things i've collected over the years of traveling. Though I have a bigger collection in my pod.” he gave neteyam the necklace to inspect, remembering the patterns, he saw a familiar bead on the left side of the dark blue rock. “Have you been in the forest before or near the Omaticaya clan?” “yes but that was my first venture, I should go back one day.” smiling to himself remembering the memorious. “Thats where im from” neteyam was pointing at himself. “I know,” neteyam brows are knitted. “” Why didn't you say something earlier?” “Your mother seems to be going through homesickness. What good is it to bring it up?” The cyan na’vi was looking at the necklace before slowly lifting up his head to look at the darker na’vi. While neteyam was looking at y/n he barely noticed y/n throwing the necklace into the ocean. 

“I wasn't ready!” as he dived in.

“Only losers say that!”

After a while y/n started to worry a bit. He didn't throw it that far right? Right? While deep into thought. The forest na’vi was seen behind the reef na’vi. Slowly creeping up, like a predator looking at its prey. He jumped from the ocean onto y/n, necklace on his neck. Y/n startled bucked his head into the ‘unknown thing’ quickly taking his fishing knife out of his waistband. Slightly cutting the younger na’vis neck. “Neteyam do not scare me like that!” his voice was laced with worry. Y/n quickly put his hand onto the boy's cut, calling any ilu. He took the boy's hand. “Here sit” they were now in y/ns marui/pod. 

“Keep pressure on it.” the boy somewhat shouted while digging in a box. He quickly sat on his knees on the side of neteyam. “This might sting a bit.” y/n slowly moved the boy's hand off of his throat. Without noticing y/n didn't move when neteyam held onto his hand while applying salve onto his neck. He didn't move even after nettayam flinched feeling the cold product on his open wound. 

“ What were you thinking?! I could have seriously hurted you!” 

“Im sorry y/n”

“Don't do that again net” “net? I have a nickname?" "You do now, honoring your almost death by the hands of me!” y/n wasn't actually angered but worried. What would've of y/n killed him? How would he explain himself to his parents?

“Your parents! Oh my ewya. Your parents! What am I going to tell them? ‘Sorry I almost slitted your son's throat!! First impressions matter, dear erwya please guide me to not die of embarrassment—” y/n was cut off by neteyam “my parents already like you, you stood up for us when we first arrived." there was a silence. “I'll walk you home it's almost eclipse, i guess ill try to explain to your parents.” y/n slapped the back of his head, just as i reminder to not sneak up on him again. 

   While walking neteyam's tail stuck to y/n's leg just like tuk did. “You sister does the same thing,” y/n then placed his hand carefully on the other's tail. Taken aback neteyam tail quickly left y/n's hand and started swaying back and forth. y/n laughed at the reaction. “Hey I'm sorry if he is out after curfew there was an uhm accident” y/ns head was looking at the sand by jakesullys feet. “What happened?” Neytiri was quick to inspect both of us. She quickly noticed the small cut on his neck. “I was teaching him how to dive, and he had caught me off guard. Off instinct i had accidently cut... His throat I'm sorry.” he had finally mustered up the courage to look up at Neytiri. “When you wake up you should put this on again, also you shouldn't show up to lesson tomorrow salt water would only infect it.” y/n gave a bag filled with the slave he had used earlier. y/n started to walk into the direction of his marui. “y/n!” neteyam called out. “Hm?” “Your necklace,” he looked behind him, facing the marui. “You can have, as a token of asking of forgiveness”