#theres gonna be days that its even worse
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i've gotten several asks as to how i'm doing after the update, and uh.
well refer to This Image for your answer-
#im ILL im ILL#in a good way! but oh my god#im gonna need a few days yall-#there was so much and it was all perfect and im So Overwhelmed with new information!!!!#i need to get my brain back in working order!#theres just. i dont even know where to start...#i think i'll start with editing the livestream vid so i can post it#i won't be doing anything fancy i just want to cut out long pauses#and maybe add a clown emoji overlay when i'm being a fuckin idiot lmaooooo#absolutely unprompted#oh man after the stream i had to go sit down in the dark living room#im so happy we're finally diving into the meat of it and its KILLING ME <3#welcome home continues to make me simultaneously better AND worse!#except x10 bc holy shit. hooollllyyyyyyy shit. whoa <3#when the horror project has horror in it (cheering&crying.jpeg)
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#im not dead quit asking#I'm just really really really not doing well#sorry if i scared anyone. that wasnt my intent#things got. let's say worse. for me irl. more complicated for sure#i hate to publicize my breakdown I really do. but maybe i... need this? in a weird way?#i haven't really been adjusting well to having a platform online. that's not anyone's fault but mine ofc#i feel that my 'fans' (if ive earned the right to call them that) dont and frankly cant ever care for me as a person#i dont know you and you dont know me. you dont know all of me at least. just what i make public. what i allow others to see#i had it kinda bullied into me that i need to keep my mouth shut abt my own issues. and ive spent a lot of this year trying to unlearn that#maybe publicizing this is a bad idea anyway#I just know ive been more honest abt my emotions and my personal life with my friends and my partner#and not everyone enjoys it but i know I'm not like. traumadumping so i feel somewhat assured that anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt my life-#-probably wasnt all that interested in forming a close relationship w me to begin with. even if theyre friendly at first#everyone else; the people who I know care about me; have shown me that through their actions#my point is being honest abt how youre doing w other ppl is a good idea. revolutionary i know lol#and i still don't know a lot of you personally but#parasocial or not i got some very genuine sounding messages while I was gone. and i. feel really bad that i worried those people#I guess theres my proof that people would care if i disappeared suddenly. people would notice pretty quick it seems#im never gonna kms btw. even if i didnt have the support i have im simply too stubborn to die lol. to put it lightly#and to those who thought this was abt fandom drama: it's not. those who shall not be named are genuinely the least of my problems these days#I'm on a journey of self actualization. or something. im trying to get my shit together. im trying to stop being clinically depressed lol#but god keeps throwing wrenches in my plans and. i beat myself up about it too much#but that's just life. they say you make a plan and god laughs#im. trying to be okay with just riding the wave. im impatient but if i keep trying to somehow speed up time im just gonna exhaust myself#which I think is where im at now. burnt out#and on top of all that i still feel this need to like. perform for you guys#if i dont keep making content everyone will forget i exist. if i dont make another video essay this year can i even call myself a youtuber#etc etc. its the spiral its impostor syndrome we've all been there#im trying to end this on a positive note but idk. i dont have all the answers yet#hoping i figure it out soon. i hope you dont forget me in the meantime
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I have an unending hatred for those microwave dinners like why are the bbq ones the only ones that taste like anything
"spaghetti and meatballs" oh you mean starch noodles with tomato water and flavorless pieces of meat?
#AND THEN I END UP EATING MICROWAVE CHICKEN TENDERS FOR THE MILLIONS TIME IN A ROW#I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO COOK. WHY DID THE ENTIRE KITCHEN HAVE TO NEED AN EMERGENCY REMODEL. WHY ARE WE SO OVERBOOKED THAT ITS NOT DONE YET.#IVE HAD NO KITCHEN SINCE APRIL FOOLS DAY. THATS 6 MONTHS. HALF A YEAR WITH NO KITCHEN. HALF A YEAR WITH FLAVORLESS MICROWAVE FOOD#LIKE YEAH ID PROBABLY STILL END UP EATING A LOT OF MICROWAVED STUFF CAUSE OF LIKE. DEPRESSION AND ALL THAT BUT I DON'T EVEN HAVE THE CHOICE!#AND WHEN I USED TO HAVE A KITCHEN I COULD ALSO ASK OME OF MY SISTERS TO COOK FOR ME BC ONE OF THEM ACTUALLY ENJOYS DOING THAT FOR PEOPLE#AND THE OTHER ONE IS JUST NICE TO ME WHEN SHE KNOWS IM TIRED. GOD I LOVE MY SISTERS. GOD I HATE HAVING NO KITCHEN.#AND I KNOW ITS NOT GONNA BE FIXED WITHIN THIS YEAR. AS MUCH AD MY DAD SAYS HES GONNA TRY TO I KNOW WE'RE GONNA KEEP BEING OVERBOOKED#AND EVEN WORSE! THE KITCHEN ISN'T THE ONLY ROOM MISSING! HALF THE HOUSE IS STORAGE RN FOR ALL THE STUFF THAT WAS KEPT IN THE KITCHEN!#PLUS THE ELECTRICAL IS BEING REDONE SO THERES LIKE MAYBE 3 WORKING OUTLETS IN THE WHOLE DAMN HOUSE. NONE OF WHICH ARE IN MY ROOM#hhhhhh anyways yeah sorry for the random rant i should probably put my ooc tag#ohio breaks the 4th wall#but ohio would probably also not like microwave dinners#rant
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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(venting in the tags ignore this lol)
#minhmy.rambles#(i just need to shout this somewhere where my friends don't see so they don't worry too much about me)#but oh my god work just got worse for this week im already working every day but tomorrow (aka in six and a half hours)#i will start at 5am and end at 9pm aka a double shift bc my coworker tested positive and there's no one else that can work#just for tomorrow but the rest of the week ill be working 1-9#which i hate even though im used to it night shifts are just boringgggg and takes up a lot of my time#which i already have so little of#my mom said i should clean my closet and i was going to tomorrow bc i wanted to play grandfest today but now i cant do that#bc ill literally be at work all day lol#and god its just so hard its so so hard but it could be worse. it literally could be worse#i cant be here as much anymore bc im so busy and tired i just draw when i can and drop them all here and leave#and i miss writing a lot but i have even less time and even less motivation and the more i work the more awful i feel#and i don't want to worry anyone like . i just don't#but its so difficult for me it really is#theres so many things i want to do but i cant do any of it and im so tired im literally so tired#like im not gonna end my life kinda tired i have a lot to look forward to. but work just really sucks and i am Tired#and i Like my job its literally the easiest and ill never have something like this again#but urghghghh. urggfhhghgh. death pain and suffering#if i draw more sif and loop suffering lol. this is why. i need to get the emotions out somehow and i don't want to cry over it#i cant cry bc i need to work i just have to keep my head up i just have to keep at it i just have to be strong and not break#i can do it i can.. i know i can i've been through worse#its just. augh.#ok done. sorry i rly rly should sleep soon bc of my 16 hour shift tmrw lol its past 10:30pm already
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Why did you make this AU?
Short answer: I love unethical men.
#i have a Thing for emotional manipulation in fiction. originally i wasnt supposed to talk about nick on main#usually when i see emotional manipulation in comics or fics or else its too... obvious? like. not subtle enough to be... realistic?#i dont know if im making sense. but theres multiple things i think about when making nick lore#1) no one wakes up one day thinking 'im gonna be a bad person today ! :D'#2) no one wakes up one day thinking 'im gonna let myself get manipulated today ! :D'#theres gotta be plausable deniability *or* youre in too deep to even try to deny-- that wasnt your original question was it#anyway. to stop the rambling: i have a thing for exploring the worst parts of the human psyche *and* im a homosexual.#i want to see bad people who are genuinely bad people and there's not a lot of those so im making 'em myself#...nick isn't as bad as it could get really. he's pretty tame actually#maybe i'll make worse things one day#ask#powercoreact#and of course there's the fact that nick was originally a vent thing but that's a story you unlock at lvl. 5+ friendship#arsenic#omori au#omori
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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he is soooooooooooooooooooo
#god i love. men. fuck.#r.txt#i dare not venture into any tags relating to him bc i KNOW its gonna be unbearable x female reader shit#but god he looks so good when he's styled like this <3#into it the same way im into ian when he's working at the club and in season 5 in general#but i felt bad about it when he looked like this as ian bc he was 'doing bad'#not that this character isnt ALSO but theyre obviously taking. a very different approach to mental illness.#also i mostly am not into this show but i do like when they lean into the weird anachronistic visual style?#not the right word but. god i cant believe im making the comparison bc this show is far worse but.#the kind of thing riverdale does where even though its clearly set in the modern day theres things to make it feel like the past also#also the fucking prison stripe dress is delightful
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JUST SAYING ONCE I LEARN TO PRONOUNCE MY T'S PROPERLY ITS OVER FOR YOU BUTTNUGGETS
#IVE ALWAYS PRONOUNCED T'S WITH MY TONGUE AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX IT ITS BEEN THAT WAY FOR SO LONG#BUT ONE DAY. I WILL PRONOUNCE MY T'S SO GOOD YOULL THINK IM A WHITE PERSON#WHAT SUCKS TOO IS THAT IM BILINGUAL WHILE ENGLISH IS MY FIRST LANGUAGE I SPEAK TAGALOG MOST OF THE TIME BECAUSE OF MY ENVIRONMENT SO I-#-HAVE NO PROPER WAY OF PRACTICING IT BC FILIPINOS PRONOUNCE T'S DIFFERENTLY BC OF THE LANGUAGE AND UNLESS IM IN AN ENGLISH SPEAKING-#-SETTING THERES NO WAY IM GONNA BE ABLE TO PRACTICE CONSISTENTLY 💔💔#even worse i slur over my words all the time. i have a stutter. i have VERY frequent voice cracks and when i try to suppress them i sound-#-ver odd. PLUS ADHD#idk if adhd might be one of the causes or of it gets added to the pile but dude i actually need help 💀💀#but another problem is i dont think anyone would see the point in it#i communicate just fine its just that i have so much trouble communicating verbally (vocally?) in a way that isnt unnatural and in a way-#-that properly articulates what i want to say and how i say it. often i have so much trouble showing varied emotion to prove a point when-#-im referring or talking about something that isnt reactionary#LIKE DUDE WHY IS TALKING SO HARD 💔ALL PEOPLE CAN TALK WHY DO I HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH ALL PF THIS THIS SUCKS#which might be why i prefer writing what i want to say bc unlike talking the way i speak has nothing to do with it. i get given time to-#-think. and with an adhd brain writing what you want to say is so much better because typing it out involves the conscious decision to-#-type it all out and it acts as a filter#BLEFGGGH SORRY I KEEP BLABBERING ON THIS WSS SUPPPSED TO BE A SILLY LITTLE POST IDK WHY I WENT HAM IN THE TAGS#anyways umm yeah i dont like talking. i like communicating and maybe socializing tho. but not talking. does that make sense???#there r also times where i straightup cant speak at all. i want to speak and i want to say things but my brain feels too busy or ig blank-#-but not empty and i cant form words or sentences and all i have are thoughts and feelings#anyways i think asl is neat and i want to learn it not just for my benefit but also for accessibility#also filipino sign language if im up for it#man there is something wrong w my brain 💀#mikyomix rambles#yeah this one was a true ramble but only in the tags
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One of those shifts that makes you wonder if, objectively, you are perhaps too disabled to work.
#my knees...#my PT recommended i get knee braces bc they have been hyperextending really badly#which i tried but it turns out for hyperextension you really need a custom one#so i need to go thru my insurance to get them#i can barely stand. its so painful#and my fucking boss decided we arent allowed to sit on milk crates when theres no customers anymore#was a real dick punch not gonna lie#or knee punch as it were#my knees were bad but usable mostly before i started this job#now.... about 5 times more fucked up and getting worse by the day#idk. wonder if theres even a point to the knee braces. feel like im gonna need a wheelchair soon#not even like.... i mean i need one now. to be honest#but soon i think it might be. literally no choice but a wheelchair#between my hyperextending knees and my subluxating hips and my extremely fucked up ankles... idk man !#chronic illness#am trying to be positive... i can still spin. thats what i care about most hon#estly
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movie i was really looking forward to picked specifically to cheer myself up seems designed to purposefully upset me specifically. hell on earth
#feels bad.#idk. kind of my own fault for not checking to make sure it wouldnt in the first place i guess#its been a shitty disappointing day and i was really kind of hoping it would help turn it around but nope i feel infinitely worse now#levi.txt#just. i would love to see one thing where theres a character whos even ostensibly butch whose life doesnt completely fucking suck#i dont think thats a big ask. even just a happy ending would be really nice#it wouldve been bad enough as it was but it had to have a scene with the main characters dad having a heart attack#and i didnt know it would upset me so bad but i was driving with my pop earlier today and we had a really good time#and it just made me think of him. the dad reminded me of him a lot and it really got to me#im gonna try to sleep it off. maybe tomorrow will be better
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i hate how i feel doing or not doing certain stuff for/because of the pain + fatigue since im a fat person :///
#p#id feel double standard-y shame (my favvvvv) abt it anyway#but its like. i took the elevator up to the break room just now n it always feels like everyones watching me do it#n judging or smth. like ya im also not in shape n thats like my fault etc n that would help these things be easier too#like especially on days ive worked i dont wanna go w ppl walkin the dog cuz im in a lotta pain#n w all of this i feel like a lazy piece of shittt which. like i said..id never think abt anyone else#even another person who isnt thin#or in shape etc#anyway. on lunch break now when theres lots to do (we have more ppl now at least tho)#n i feel like im such a loser cuz i rly needed to sit+rest n eat#also for my brain cuz i get overwhelmed n weird anyway but. -___- i gotta get over itttt fuck offfffff#i feel enough dumb bad stuff abt not doing 'Enough' but adding this makes it feel worse bleh#im big into shame idk !#working (sorta. its not rly working akdhdj) on not feeling negative n bad abt the word fat#i wouldnt randomly call someone that irl or anything#but i know ppl on here are wanting it to be more normalized n that its not an inherently bad thing/word#but. :(((#not another good word for it so yknow w/e#ok im gonna try to stop pity partying thru a break#especially when ill have less than an hourrrrr after this yay
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mental health just straight up plummeting
#toy txt post#everyday the smallest things have me spiralling into such stupid despair#constantly fighting myself cos every single thing has me wanting to throw up my hands and walk the fuck off bc theres bo point#whats the fucking point!! just despair and exhaustion and burned the fuck out and gnashing at the fucking walls and then spiralling into#a stupid little self pity self hate spiral cos im just a weak stupid little baby who cant handle the real world. plenty of ppl have it so#much worse and havent given up yet so whats my fucking problem? which is so stupid. but i cant logic my way out of this one#so i am simply sitting here feeling so god damn bad#and i dont even really have. a good reason for it. idk. like i dont have a lot of concrete quantifiable reasons i can present about why#i am so goddamn miserable at my job. im just. going insane i need out im performing badly its not worth it theres no fucking point#every day im fighting the urge to just fucking walk off over the stupidest tiniest things that are definitely not worth that kind of#reaction. like yea maybe i do need like mental health meds or smth but i also know. i need out of this fucking. job. but i dont know#like. idk its like my options are just kore of this same stupid bullshit or retail/food service. and like. shout out to retail and food#service. i fucking could not i fucking cannot. but like im reaching that point here too. everything hurts all the time with no reprieve and#all my options just feel like its gonna be ! even more stupid repetitive motions that wont help! like idk! idk what to do. i just#wanna read about stupid little fucking worms and fish but doing that professionally im not sure im up to it and#between me and that career path is thousands of dollars and homework. so#now im the rat instead now im the rat instead now im the rat instead now im the rat instead#trying so hard not to display idk red flag behavior but im Going Insane. i should just start crying at work. why bother hiding it. whats the#point#vent#ig#i should go eat. and waste the rest of my stupid fucking night playing zelda trying to soothe my brain enough to function except im not#functjoning cos then itll be 5am again and ill have done nothing but play zelda and be up too late and go to bed and not get enough sleep#and be a little to a lot late and be miserable and the cycle just fucking never ends#not enough fucking podcasts about worms out there for this#i opened several academic papers on tongue eating isopods to cope and barely read them bc i cant do that at work it takes too long and i get#lost and my productivity is already in the shit and i need to stop being on my phone and i know that but like also if i dont fucking#distract my stupid fucking brain right fucking now im gonna start throwing things and crying#anyway. thats how im doing. bye
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tried going to bed early bc ive just been sitting staring at the wall or my phone all afternoon but it's been 3 hours now and I can't stop crying. :(
#I dont even know why im so fucking sad. this last week has felt like getting hit by a train repeatedly for no reason whatsoever#and it fucking hurts so bad and i cant fix it because i dont know whats wrong!!!!!!#i think thsts why its been so hard sleeping lately like my brain is problem solving but theres nothing there to be solved#and i dont even have anyone to talk to about it and even if i did i wouldnt have anything to say bc i dont know im just fucking. sad#like yeah ive gotten upset abt other things but thats me projecting my mental state onto everything. theres no original cause#unless it really is just pms and some hormonal shit which is likely but kinda insane to think abt. like yeah my body has decided#to flood the entire fucking system with Kill That Egg™ for a straight week except its too effective and makes me want to kill myself also#but apparently not fucking effective enough to start my actual fucking period. yippee#i want a thousand year long hug and to cry rly snottily into someones shirt and then to fall asleep and wake up feeling rested#man. nothing makes me feel any different. exercising and sleeping and socialising and eating and showering and reading#and i can feel my interest in things trickling away like i havent been able to do a lot of shit i rly want to bc of this barrier#and ive been trying to make myself do some things regardless bc inactivity will just make it worse. but nothing works!!!!!!!#i dont even know anymore man. i do everything right and im still as depressed as i was like 8 years ago#and i know thats just the depressed brain talking like i know i dont constantly feel like this but its hard to see outside of it man#u spend ur whole life drowning but its ok bc sometimes u get ur head above the surface long enough to take a breath or whatever#insert overused mentally ill metaphor here etcetcetc#ok i think ive run out of things to say im gonna try sleep again. day 1 billion of making longass vent posts sorry everyone#gn#.vent
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happy one year anniversary of My Mum Saying The Worst Part Of My Grandma's Funeral Was Not Burying Her But The Fact That I Was There And She Wished I Hadn't Gone To The Funeral At All to me
#(my mum forgot/moved on from this in like a month and has since pretended it never happened - so thats also fun)#personal#vent#so i guess it's kind fitting that this year im sat alone#crying#trying to work out whether my sister is gonna feel worse if i go to her bday thing or if i dont#and its all my fault because i dont drive#but theres no winning#i didnt look at trains bc my mum told my sister she would pick me up#then mum called and said she cant pick me up (i said this would happen last week)#so i tried looking up trains but theres a fucktonne of engineering works this weekend#and my sister is out this evening so i couldnt call them so i tried messaging to meet at theirs tmr morning to get a lift#and they just said they want tomorrow to be a nice chill day and that we can do something another time if im going to be stressed or grumpy#and now i cant tell if they dont want me there and just dont want to say or what#im just so tired of being unloveable and having to pretend like i dont notice or care that i am#(i guess at least this is happening now and not next week when i have a 2 day heart monitor#bc this would be fucking with those results)
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Girl help I keep thinking about freaking persona 4
#i have banned myself from engaging with any persona 4 related content (except for memes my sister sends me)#because yeah its genuinely deeply upsetting for me and i always feel like absolute shit#but aghhh for some reason my brain has been fixated on it this week thinking about all the offensive garbage it is#and i keep thinking of all the evidence i can gather definitively proving that the writing is sooooo homophobic/transphobic#which is a very easy thing to gather up and prove since its all over the damn place lol#but like im just so fixated on how awful the game is and how the fans are even worse and i have this urge to argue forever#something im sure a lot of yall can relate to#cuz god it hurts to be screaming at people that theyre hurting you and for them to just say no to you as if its up for debate#if this sounds dramatic cuz its Juat A Game liiiike no its not Just A Game this is about#my daily life requires me to argue my existence constantly and its the same for every other damn marginalized person out there#and idk if youre still gonna either ignore or deny that persona 4 isnt batshit insanely offensive then youre stupid#i dont have the patience to argue shit like this anymore because theres no way someone with a brain can deny shit like that#and quite frankly even well intentioned queer fans who try to make headcanons that either say fuck you to the game#or hcs that do nothing at all to challenge the bigotry in p4 are kinda annoying to me#cuz it hurts too much to play along like yeah id LOVE to just slap a rainbow on kanji and a trans guy badge on naoto#and call it a day and enjoy the game outside of it all but thats kinda impossible#when these two characters entire existence revolves around the bigotry and its done in a way that hurts like hell to see#its too real for me to enjoy even if i make positive ‘fuck you atlus’ fan art#yeah ughhhh whatever its just annoying cuz I’ve been doing a good job at blocking this game away from my life#cuz it brought nothing but anger to me but its just been something thats been stuck on me lately#and im really not sure what triggered this or why its been lingering so long like please stoppp#its really embarrassing to be having bad mental illness over a shitty bibleo game 🙄
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