#these tags*

[noodles-and-tea]

Whoops!! *accidentally klances your firstprince*

[gillianthecat]

.

Although I hadn't been particularly following Build or the Kinnporsche actors in general, that show was my entry point into BL fandom and I still see a lot about it and the actors crossing my dash. I tend not to seek out behind the scenes or "real life" information about actors (with occasional exceptions of hyper-fixations on specific people) and stay well aware that I know next to nothing about what actors and their relationships are really like, that what they show about themselves is crafted and intentional and may or may not reflect reality. And so I was slightly surprised to find myself feeling emotionally discombobulated by the news coming out about Build and Poi.

I do not know what happened, and I offer no opinions and guesses on what actually happened, and who in their circles knew what. This post is about me, not them.

I have the urge, always, to know what's happening, to seek out information, to understand the truth of the matter. I thought could stay "neutral" about this, that is, not seek out information but calmly consume what came across my dash. But I just now filtered all the relevant tags I could think of. I want to understand, but the truth is simply not available to me right now. And may never be. And while a part of me feels like it's disrespectful to the victim, whoever they maybe, to not want to know the truth of what happened, the fact is my knowing or not knowing doesn't change a thing about their lives. They don't know me, I have no power over their lives, and that is how it should be.

I think I find this upsetting for a couple reasons. First, I did like Build as an actor. He was the one in the cast who's acting I found most compelling, who seemed the most skilled to me, and I have been curious to see what he does next. So there is that feeling of loss, or worry about loss, that if these allegations turn out to be true, I will not get that. Because even if he gets to keep acting (although the climate for a relatively unknown Thai BL actor is very unlike that for someone like CK Louis so I suspect if the allegations are true he wouldn't get more work) I would not be able to watch him anymore, and so that would be a loss. And, even though I hadn't thought I'd had expectations for him as a person (and even less so after I'd heard bits and pieces about previous bad behavior of his) I am surprised to find I do have a sense of betrayal about it. He does seem like a nice guy. I do like the way he presents himself, at least in the little bits I've seen.

And of course, abuse is just unpleasant. Thinking about real people hurting each other of course is going to make me feel unhappy. In fiction, it's safely contained, there's a narrative arc, and no real people were actually harmed, so I can analyze it, get in my feelings about it. But with rumors of abuse by real people, there is no catharsis available.

And then lastly, there is the confusion of it all. They both have bad reputations in some way or other, there is evidence presented that may or may not be credible, I'm getting everything third or fourth hand and through at least one layer of translation that may or may not be accurate. Fans have strong opinions on either side, "she is a known awful person and so she must be lying," "she posted photos so he must be guilty," and I get overwhelmed by the certainty they show, the stregnth of the connection they seem to feel for these actors and writers they don't know personally.

Most of the people I follow have much more measured takes, recognizing that we (that is, everyone outside of Poi and Build and their inner circles) don't actually know what's happening, but it's only natural to have opinions and guesses about it. And I'm finding that even reading those makes me feel like I too should know what's happening, even though I don't need to and in fact it's impossible for me too. My internal tension between, believe victims, accusations are rarely lies versus everything I've read about her makes her sound like an abusive harasser versus of course that doesn't mean that she's lying and abusers can also be abused themselves versus I don't know what stories that I've read about any of them are actually true. And perhaps a few of the facts I could verify, but, as I said above, it wouldn't help me understand much more and only make me feel worse.

I was reluctant to post anything, because I don't want to add to the speculations and unfounded opinions about this, or clutter up the dashes of anyone else trying to avoid the topic altogether. But I decided for my own sake I needed to get this stuff out of my head and onto the page, so here it is. Not sure if any of the words make sense or manage to convey what I'm feeling, but at least its not rattling around in my brain poisoning my mood.

You are all welcome to come talk to me about your feelings about this news, and how it's affecting you personally, although I'd prefer not to get speculation about what happened, or opinions on who is telling the truth.

[centroverted]

This blog will not be a Shadow and Bone spoiler free zone!!! It will be full of spoilers!!!! I will be tagging everything with the fitting tags so either unfollow me until you watch s2 or block the shadow and bone/six of crows tag until you do!!!

[0-n0th1ng-0]

I had another edblr acct in like 2021, and legitimate question

why did we get rid of the cool emoji tags?

like we're back to censoring shit as horrendously as possible, just use emojis wtf

[syn4k]

burning text gif maker

heart locket gif maker

minecraft advancement maker

minecraft logo font text generator w/assorted textures and pride flags

windows error message maker (win1.0-win11)

FromSoftware image macro generator (elden ring Noun Verbed text)

image to 3d effect gif

vaporwave image generator

microsoft wordart maker (REALLY annoying to use on mobile)

you're welcome

[pterygoidwalk]

sometimes i wonder what my cat named me

[nromal]

okay so i work in the deli of a grocery store, yeah? and today i got this guy who came up with his two twin children, around five years old. he walks up to the counter, carrying one kid in each arm, and loudly goes "oh, no, i forgot what i wanted!" and turns to the boy in his left arm and, in a perfect blues clues style voice, goes "caleb, do you remember what i wanted?" and the boy goes "half pound of yellow cheese!"

i, obviously, say "you've got it little sir!" and slice up half a pound of yellow american cheese, handing it to the little boy, who looks it over, nods, and tucks it in his lap.

then the man goes "well, we can't just have cheese on our sandwiches. but what else can we put on there?" and the little gurl in his other arm goes "half pound of ham!" so i nod and say "yes ma'am! what kind?" and she points at a random cut of turkey, so her father nods and says "like she said, honey ham!" i cut half a pound of honey ham, hand it to the little lady, she looks it over, nods and puts it in her lap.

then the man goes "now, what should we have for the side?" and the kids both simultaneously start cheering "macking cheese!!!" and the man spins on his heel and marches off, presumably to find the macking cheese.

later, the little boy comes wandering back to the counter while his father looks on and loudly and proudly proclaims that he wants to know where the mustard is. i point him to the correct aisle, he nods, says "thank you mister deli woman" and walks away.

[sp1resong]

being self aware suuuucks like yeah this thought pattern/behavior is stupid and pointless and a symptom. i know this. [does it anyways

[everoutoftouch]

If you have Spotify reblog this and tag what your number one song on your “on repeat” playlist is.

[cityelf]

this poem is about being nonbinary.

[chiimeramanticore]

compilation of this type of post

edit: idk how much this is gonna do but since making this post i got covid and need some help, please consider it

[pyroinfusedtiger]

Posting this everywhere til im not obsessed with it anymore

[liesmyth]

muoio malissimo

[chronotopes]

nobody got hurt so im allowed to giggle about this extremely looney tunes looking accident on a part of 64 i used to drive down at least once a week

[ra3kiv]

sea, swallow me

[sunriseovergotham]

characters have to be a little bit awful in ways that you cant defend. its good for the ecosystem. your honor he did do that. He did in fact do that