#they are stronger and softer more than any credit we gave them

[aprilblossomgirl]

Kim & Chay - Emotional Turmoil

The perks of having a layered show, we were presented with the spectrum of events with the complexity of the characters, which we can't easily compartmentalize. Some parts might be appealing to some, while different parts more to others. In episode 11, I found my attention snatched by Kim-Chay's emerging conflict amidst the heavy focus on Vegas-Pete arcs and Kinn-Porsche's post-family-approval honeymoon phase. The episode signified peak emotional turmoil for both Kim and Chay, each for different reasons, with some intersecting points yet to be revealed.

After the "rejection" scene, I first couldn't fully grasp how I actually felt about these two boys. On automatic response, though, my heart breaks for both of them. This excellent meta post by @luckydragon10 about Kim and isolation very well explained my thoughts on Kim and why he behaved and reacted the way he did. After reading the post, I was motivated to dive more into my thoughts about Kim-Chay.

Fair warning: this will mostly based on my perspective and interpretation of their scenes and acting. While I don't intend to draw on the theory of MBTI, I need to say up front that I will use a 'feeler' spectrum hat in trying to see things from both Kim's and Chay's positions. They might not conform to any projection on how these characters should or should not be presented in the show.

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Chay's Breakdown

Let's start with Chay. The boy definitely has too much on his plate to digest. First, being kidnapped when seconds ago he just happily prepared a meal for Kim at home after snuggling all night (was it really, or was it a short nap only?). Second, right after being saved (not knowing it's by Kim himself), he finally learned about his brother's involvement in a mafia world related to his kidnapping. Third, with a sudden move into the Theerapanyakul estate, he needs to also enter the mafia family himself. Fourth, the shock from learning about Kim being the youngest of the Theerapanyakul brothers. Fifth (I'm speculating on this one), the realization of the motives behind Kim's guitar tutoring now seems to be not as genuine as Chay would like. And sixth, that straightforward "Have you ever loved me?" "I'm sorry."

When I first saw Chay standing at the edge of the swimming pool, waiting for Porsche, my heart sunk a little. This was Chay's first appearance in the episode, and I think we all can see the stark difference in Chay's facial expression from the previous episodes. The usual cheerfulness and awkward innocence were wiped off.

I appreciate the dialogue between him and Porsche addressing Porsche's decision to take the bodyguard job first. I noticed a slight tension between them, and while I personally did not take Porsche reassurance really well, Chay definitely did or at least tried hard to. I also love seeing Porsche ask Chay for permission to take care of both him and Kinn and that he can't leave anyone behind. And Chay, being usually straightforward with his feeling and reaction, answered with a hug and an "I miss you, brother" instead of a yes/no. Their hug at the end supposedly offered warmth, but the missing smile from Chay made my heart sink a little deeper. Well, okay, he slightly smiled but didn't quite reach the eyes as one during their hug in episode 1.

Now jump into Kim's place, where Chay confronted him about everything. Okay, I was a mess here. So let's cut things to where Kim left the crying Chay behind: the boy is heartbroken. Chay sure knows what does it means to answer a yes/no question with anything but a yes or no, with letting go a hand instead of giving a hug. But who really knows what's inside Kim's fortress (as many people called it).

That's it. And do I not want to smack Kim with Tankhun's tray? Out of the question. But it can wait. No picture of crying Chay here, I'm not sorry.

Kim's Back Down

Now we look into Kim. The meta post I mentioned at the beginning perfectly outlined the reasons behind Kim's actions toward Chay, to all of which I couldn't agree more. So I just wanted to add my personal take on him.

First, out of all the six main characters of KP, I must say Kim is the hardest to read. With their minimal screen-time, I must say it's easier to read Chay. But maybe this' factoring to how Chay is presented: expressive, honest, and straightforward. Most of the time, Kim was presented with cool/cold, nonchalance mannerism which always ended up in me asking, "what the hell is this guy thinking?" But then we had these two opposite sides of him: the softest and the (not so) grimmest. Both related to Chay: when Chay hugged him and when Chay was kidnapped. This might not be enough to signify Chay's importance to Kim, but I'd take all of that.

Second, now the reason why he 'i'm sorry'-ed Chay, I'm speculating it has something to do with the investigation that he's been conducting. Before the swimming pool scene between Porsche and Chay, we were shown that Kim had a hand in the case of the Kittisawasd parents' accident. So it might trigger him to finally cut things off with Chay, something he should've done earlier. But of course, he couldn't resist Chay. If my assumption is correct, he's already felt guilty for letting himself get involved too far with Chay. Tutoring and approaching him while digging for information about Porsche already felt bad enough. He couldn't imagine what staying in whatever he had with Chay while investigating the possible connection between Chay's parent's death and his own father would do any good.

Third, this is where I wanted to come back to the discussion of Kim and isolation. So far, the show only told about Kim's physical distance from the main family but never told us why he chose be away. Did something bad happen to him before, just like Tankhun's kidnapping? Not that the show had mentioned. Did he catch something off about his father or the rivalry between the main and minor families early on? And if so, how? This, I could see as the possible reason for him to isolate himself from his own family. Maybe to give him more 'space' and freedom to investigate everything? Like Tankhun said, Kim's nosy. He might be away from the family but still care enough about them in his own way. I would like to believe so.

As someone within a rather extreme introversion spectrum, I can say that being too used to (self) isolation, once confronted with anything related to feelings, it is possible to automatically shut yourself away from the people you need to confront the feelings with. You've unconsciously trained yourselves to avoid making deeper connections with people, and as a result, you would develop constant reluctance and fear of being in a close relationship. You would end up rejecting or pushing people away despite longing for the connection, and longing for the person themselves. I could sense the awkwardness and tension behind Kim's cold, nonchalance front that he put on while backing down from Chay implied all of these. Or maybe it's just me. I've prepared to be wrong.

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So, will there be any reconciliation? At this point, I'm not so sure. Chay needs his time to process his acceptance of having his full plate. Confronting Kim again soon might have a reverse effect on this process. As for Kim, I couldn't imagine him not coming back to his family and taking the matters involving his family and the Kittisawasd's incident into his own hands than fully entrusting the case to his brother(s). Dealing with whatever (feelings) he has for Chay right now will only distract him more than support his mission.

Yes, I wanted Kim to apologize to Chay. Yes, I wanted Chay to not too easily forgive Kim. Yes, I wanted the older brothers to give Kim a hard time for hurting Chay, and I wanted them to defend Chay with all their might. But I don't think that's how their dynamics work. There are 'works' to be done in their respective space before any apology and forgiveness could meet. And I will stop here.

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KP consistently provides us with layered and complex characters, including Kim and Chay. Trying to empathize with each of them within their given bubble gave me a sense of understanding of why they behaved or reacted in certain ways. This is not to justify any wrongdoings from real-life perspectives, no matter how lightly it seems. It's more to understand how these imperfect characters within this fictional boundary will be played back into the show's central themes: a story of romance and crime in a mafia setting. And please remember (not to spoil any fun, but it's proven through the episodes): plot twists do happen.

Kim and Chay might be the least favorite pairing at this point, but I can't help letting these pent-up feels out of my chest. Of course, I had no intention to go this long, but now they were all out, I am relieved. For my possible incoherence, please do let me know if there're somethings that I might miss to pick up from the dynamics of this pairing.

[asset35-maya]

Nice Things

Inspired by this spectacular drawing of long-haired Nines by @marndraws

Gavin Reed never had nice things.

Every day was a fight for survival. He studied hard, worked hard and did everything he could to come out on top… but he never had nice things. If he did, they wouldn’t last.

Then the most beautiful creature to walk the planet entered his life.

A sheer scientific miracle. A combined feat of engineering and art. The most advanced android ever built… and the kindest soul the mean city of Detroit had ever seen.

Nines.

Gavin had no idea how to interact with the RK900 in the beginning. If it were any other new partner he’d have been his usual abrasive self, but there was something about the android that left him dumbstruck. No insults came to mind, so Gavin stuck to silent cooperation (and obedience, actually).

The RK900 model was designed to be aesthetically pleasing. There was no doubt about that, but it was how the android carried himself that took things to another level entirely. Poise, elegance and flair touched everything that he said and did.

It extended to the way he transformed his appearance after deviancy. Nines shed his Cyberlife uniform with the harsh turtleneck and stiff jacket in favour of softer, more delicate garments. He still stuck to dark colours, but his clothes were all loose and flowing. He dressed more like an interior decorator than a homicide detective (and it honestly served him well).

Gavin often had to tear his gaze away from the refined fabrics and unconventional styles that Nines wore. Gavin never had nice things… but he certainly had an eye for them.

And then there was Nines’ hair…

When Gavin had first seen the change from the default appearance settings, he had to leave the station, find a quiet alley and focus on bringing his breathing back to normal.

Nines… for some unknown, wild, spectacular, unprecedented, utterly amazing reason… had decided to lengthen his hair and let it hang loose around his shoulders.

The dark tresses were as expressive as the android himself. They danced when he laughed. They whipped the air when he animatedly told a story with his steel blue eyes flashing. They shone in every damn light.

Gavin couldn’t help but stare. He never had nice things… but he was drawn to them.

Not a day went by that he didn’t want to reach out and tuck the fine strands behind Nines’ ear, but he held back from giving in to such insanity.

Nines didn’t hold himself back though.

For all the times Gavin had been looking, so had he. He made his move in the middle of a very boozy Christmas party at the DPD. It didn’t take much of an effort. They left the party together on the flimsy pretext of Nines showing Gavin his Christmas lights at home… and promptly fell into bed together.

Gavin had never had nice things… but he knew exactly what he wanted, and when they were presented to him on a silver platter, he knew how to take them.

Nines’ hair was as soft as he imagined and even silkier than he dreamed. He couldn’t stop running his fingers through the lifelike synthetic fibres and Nines couldn’t seem to get enough of his touch either.

Bliss.

On the third anniversary of the Christmas party, the pair found themselves in very much the same position, only that they didn’t actually make it to the mindless office event this time. The day started and ended in bed.

Fairy lights glittered and tastefully-chosen tinsel framed the snow-laden windows of their loft apartment. The large Christmas tree emanated a warm glow that reached even the bedroom where they lay tangled in the sheets.

Nines was draped over Gavin’s chest, his fingers skimming idly across the warm skin.

“Sweetheart…”

“Nines.”

Gavin’s wary tone of voice made the android laugh. A velvet sound that the human would follow to the ends of the earth.

“What’s the thing you love most about me?”

Gavin exhaled loudly, hugging Nines closer.

“Baby, you know I ain’t good at words and shit.”

“I’m not asking you to write me a poem. Just tell me what you love most about me.”

He sighed and stared at the ceiling.

“Is this a test?”

“I don’t have to test you. I know everything there is to know about you. I can read you like a book even with my analysis software turned off.”

“Uh huh. Then why the inquisition?”

“Because validation is nice.”

Gavin snorted and carded his fingers though Nines’ gorgeous hair.

“Guess I can start by applauding your honesty.”

Nines hummed, rubbing slow circles into Gavin’s pec with his thumb. A few minutes went by and Gavin began to drift off to sleep.

“So what’s more attractive to you? My personality or my looks?”

Gavin’s eyes snapped open in alarm.

“What the ph-”

“There’s no right or wrong answer. Just tell me.”

Nines propped himself up on his elbows and peered into Gavin’s face. It was truly a magnificent sight. Two piercing blue eyes… plush lips curling into a smirk… a cyan LED… and a perfectly arched eyebrow. A pale, angular face… framed by sweeping curtains of dark, glossy hair.

Gavin gulped.

“I can’t choose. You’re the total package.”

“Cop out.”

“Pfffft. You tell me then. What do you like better? My mug or my sharp wit? Hah. Betcha can’t answer that for all the complex calculations your supercomputer brain can do.”

Nines tossed his hair over his shoulder and elevated himself further, pressing his forearms onto Gavin. His fixation with the human’s muscular chest was no secret.

“I can.”

“Huh.”

“You hardly said anything when we first met so I had nothing to go off for your personality-”

“Maybe I was mysterious and aloof and ya just couldn’t resist.”

“No, I actually thought you were kind of slow. All your medals and service awards didn’t make any sense to me.”

“Wowww.”

“So it had to be your body. Why else would anyone keep you around?”

“Is that why you stuck around too?”

“Maybe.”

“You little-”

Gavin reversed their positions on the bed, flipping Nines onto his back and curling huge biceps around his lithe body. Nines tipped his head back to allow Gavin to drag his teeth across his throat and latch onto his collarbone. Some moments passed like that until Nines regained control by hooking a leg over the human’s waist to slow him down.

“Fine. I confess. It was the leather jacket.”

“Seriously?”

Nines dug his heel into Gavin’s coccyx.

“It was everything about your appearance that you had control over… or weren’t born with at least. For instance, your face is conventionally attractive, but it’s all the lines and scars and little things that made me wonder what kind of a life you’d lived… what you might have gone through... how you came out stronger. And yes, your body is a temple, but it’s the work you put into it that I admire. You know how to take care of yourself and that’s…”

“Hot?”

“Hot.”

Nines accepted a rather sloppy kiss with grace. He rubbed his hands up and down his partner’s back.

“So. Tell me. What was it for you? What is it for you?”

Gavin’s right hand subconsciously found its way into Nines’ long hair and caressed his scalp. He sighed into the crook of Nines’ neck and took in the familiar scent that was neither entirely human nor entirely artificial. Everyone expected androids to smell like a new car but the fact was that each of them had their own unique smell. It was impossible to describe in words, but it was one of the many many things Gavin loved about Nines.

“Babe, I think you’re asking a shit ton of questions, but none of them are what you actually wanna ask.”

“Say more.”

“Gavin, do you love me because I look like a Greek god or is it because I’m smart as phck? Gavin, what did you notice first about my sexy android ass? Does the same thing get you off today, or is it something else?

I think… there’s something you already know… or something you think you know… and you’re just trying to get me to say it and dig myself into a giant hole.”

Nines didn’t respond but his LED did. Gavin chuckled and pressed his lips to the spinning yellow light.

“Called it.”

Nines rolled his eyes.

“It’s my hair, isn’t it?”

“Huh?”

“Admit it, you’re obsessed with my hair.”

“And you’re obsessed with my tits. We take turns objectifying each other. First sign of a healthy relationship.”

The android’s sharp nose scrunched up at a particular word and Gavin closed his eyes in resignation. Despite his best efforts he’d walked right into the trap.

“Dammit, babe, I didn’t mean it like that. I would never ever see you as an object-”

“My, my… we’re lying here two years to the day we became…”

“A thing.”

“Yes. And here I am reminiscing about what made you even look at me in the first place… and it turns out the credit goes more to Cyberlife than it does to me.”

Gavin groaned while his lover’s tinkling laughter rang out. He had to think fast if he had to turn the tables.

“So I’m that slow?”

Nines looked back at him, confused.

“You just dragged MY instincts. Like I’m dumb enough to fall for a program written by some geeky little code nerd. Like it was all totally predetermined and I didn’t see you tease and flirt and practically fall over yourself trying to get my attention for months. Huh?”

Gavin tightened his grip and gave his partner an affirmative shake.

“All those outfits and nail colours and pointy shoes and sparkly, shiny things. You saw me looking and you just kept stepping it up.”

He grasped Nines’ jaw and kissed him firmly.

“And your hair, baby… yeah, some genius worked on the tech at some point… but they didn’t tell you how to wear it. They didn’t tell you about the length or cut or angle. They didn’t tell you to walk around looking like a phcking prince. They didn’t tell you to roll the car windows down on the highway so your hair could fly in my face and drive me phcking crazy…”

Gavin thrust his fingers into the dark locks and pulled the android back in for a series of open-mouthed kisses and tantalising swipes of his tongue. Nines started to reciprocate physically, but Gavin swatted his hands away, not wanting to let things go further without making it clear who had gained the upper hand in their ridiculous game. He broke away panting.

“I love you. Don’t ask me why because there isn't one single reason. And I phcking love your hair. Not just ’cause it’s pretty but ’cause you’re the only motherphcker in that precinct who’d show up to the gristliest of crime scenes looking like a runway model.”

They stared at each other. Nines’ LED flickered.

“I… wow, sweetheart… okayyy… I… love you too.”

A moment of silence passed and Gavin rounded things off with his classic double wink.

“You’re welcome.”

Nines smiled, accepting defeat. He reached up and carefully rearranged his hair, letting it fan out on the pillow. Unable to keep the smile off his face, Gavin dipped his head down and returned his lips to Nines’, kissing him under the covers until his LED spun bright blue.

Gavin Reed never had nice things… until he learnt how to take good care of them.

//

Part 2: Red Dress

[spilledkauffie]

I Feel It Again, The Pull. . .

Pairing: Ben Solo x ForceSensitive!Reader Word Count: 2.4k T/W: intrusive thoughts, physical harm (blood, bruises), death idealisation, fluff at the end A/N:  vent fic, yiiikes! (song I binged)

Please read at your own discretion, Loves! Don’t read if it’ll trigger you! Take care of yourself and your mental health first!

Your visions brought you back to the same place, yet you never knew exactly where you were. It was dark, always dark and you were always alone. There was a stillness surrounding you, but the air was uneasy, wind whipped against you. Small granules of salt scraped across the surface of your skin, if you stood there long enough, you were certain they’d begin to leave reddening scratches; somehow burning while remaining cold. Looking down, you saw the familiar cove of water, it crashed against the rocks methodically, violently. Sea foam climbed the rocks as if they were hands reaching up for you. For a moment the rocks looked soft and frothy, like clouds against a dark background. But when the water receded the sharp points were again revealed. So there you stood.

When the visions had first begun you were scared. They frightened you, even within them you had tried to escape, run, call for help, something. But now it scared you more that you didn’t mind being stuck within them, at times they had seemed better than reality. You’d become familiar with standing on the edge of what you didn’t know, and had given up trying to find out. Crossing your arms around each other, as if hugging yourself, you breathed. This time you didn’t look down, you closed your eyes and swayed with the wind, it was pushing you, calling to you, “come.” You exhaled and let the wind sweep you off your feet, beginning to fall forward--

A gentle, but firm touch brought you back. . . to the marketplace. Your eyes were wide and your breathing was silently heavy in your chest. Turning your head slightly, you met Ben’s face. He looked worried. You suddenly became aware of the pain you were inflicting on yourself; your nails dug deep into the skin of your forearm. Releasing your grip, minorly shocked yourself that you hadn’t felt it sooner, your hand hovered shakily over the place it had just been attached to. Little purple crescents were already forming from where your nails had been. 

Looking up, you hoped you hadn’t been gone for very long, “y-yes?” You asked, feeling as though you’d missed an important question. 

Ben was still for a moment, eyebrows knitting a little further together, before he tried to return to a normal expression best he could, “I just asked if you saw the necklaces?” 

His voice was soft and quiet, sounding like a much softer space you could get lost in. He pointed with the opposite hand that wasn’t touching you to the small little ugnaught holding out a necklace out towards you. She was trying very hard to make the best possible display of the gathered shells.

“Oh,” you followed his point, seeing the small figure stretching out its arms up at you, trying her best to show you the necklace, you exhaled, “yes,” forcing a smile, that you desperately wanted to be real, “they’re so lovely. I’d like to get this one specifically.” 

The child smiled and giggled, overjoyed with her first sale. Rushing back to her parents at the booth with the credits you had handed her, they quickly, but gently, reminded her that she’d forgotten to actually give you the item in her excitement. With a blushed shyness she walked back towards you a little. 

“It’s okay,” you assured her, ironic, those words coming out of your mouth.

She draped the shells in your hand and skipped back to find a new one to showcase for her new found public. You glanced down at your hand, the voice you had heard in your vision spoke again, this time in a whisper, crush them, break them, you don’t deserve something so precious, you never should have taken them from that innocent child— you twitched your head to the side for a moment as if in pain; it was rare that it spoke to you outside of the visions and that still frightened you. Ben’s hand was still on your arm and you felt his hand slip down into yours, softly bringing you to walk with him again. You tucked the necklace safely into your satchel, before you actually did anything. 

“They said it’s the rarest shells in the whole desert,” Ben explained as you walked along, “she made it herself.”

“They did?” You asked, to yourself, wondering how much more you’d missed, “they’re lovely.”

Ben turned to look at you, curious at the repetition that was usually not like you. He noticed the dazed look across your face. Then flicked his gaze down to your arm, where the partially swollen crescents were turning into bruises. Your hand was loose in his, you made no attempt to hold his back. Your head was somewhere else. Ben tried to connect with you, but he just saw darkness, to him it was quiet, he didn’t see what you did and he never heard the voice you heard. He tried again, but nothing. Looking to you for any sign of...well, anything he found nothing. He saw you wince and furrow your eyebrows again.

“Are you feeling okay? You look a little tired,” He asked, no answer, “we’ve been in the sun for a while maybe we should-“

“I’m fine Kylo,” you snapped, faster than you thought about the words. He swallowed at hearing that name again; both of you paused. Lowering your head swiftly, you bit your tongue, slowly until you tasted traces blood. Already you were hurting other people, just as you feared; a sudden longing for that darkened fall came to mind, was that selfish? “Ben, I meant Ben.”

Knowing he didn’t mean to, he gave you a smirk that made you feel worse, “it’s getting late anyway,” he gestured towards the suns, shrugging, “we should head home.”

You nodded, not wanting to say another thing, for fear of knives coming out instead of words. In the beginning you wondered why he hadn’t been able to sense it all inside your head, then you realised no one could ever understand what was really going on inside of you. Methodically, you followed Ben’s steps home, hand still in his. The evening was silent, you kept to yourself as much as possible despite how Ben tried to continually draw you into conversations, you answered in short and insisted it was simple because ‘he was right earlier’ and you were just ‘tired.’

You retired to your shared bedroom early, but as much as you tried to find sleep, it evaded you. Staring at the wall in the dark, you almost forgot to blink, you were so lost in your mind. Darkness came when you least wanted it, but when you actually wanted it as relief it was as if it didn’t exist, only making you long for it further. Knowing it was wrong, you tried to think of all the beautiful things in your life. You realised they didn’t necessarily need you, ‘life would go on, you’d be-, you tried, harder than ever to push the voice back. Your eyes burned from not blinking now, why were you doing this to yourself? 

It was such an effort mentally that it physically affected you; finding your lip quivering and eyes watering you held your breath when Ben came to bed. You felt the bed shift as he carefully as he tried not to disturb you. He leaned over to you, kissing your cheek with a soft, “I love you,” before he turned to settle on his side of the bed.

Exhaling, you blinked. Those were just the words you needed. Hearing his voice saying those words sounded better than any voice in your head could offer. Ben’s words reminded you that you were loved, you were needed, and you were priceless to him. His life would not just ‘go on’ without you. . . 

However, the peace only lasted a moment, the voice still tried to convince you otherwise. A momentary, but vivid, vision pulled you in. The wind was stronger this time, the voice was louder, not a whisper but a scream. Even as you tried to keep your feet steady on the edge it nudged you forward. Snapping back to reality just before the fall, you found sleep to be pointless and abandoned any attempt at it. Getting up, you made your way to the bathroom where you stared into the mirror.

It took the breath out of you. This vision wasn’t over, your reflection wasn’t your own, or at least not how you wanted to see yourself. There was a brewing darkness. The eyes staring back at you were tinged with a glowing amber, ‘come closer,’ your reflection spoke. You felt it, a pull, a physical pull, to the glass. ‘You’re no good there,’ the reflection told you, ‘come,’ you lifted your hand, but stopped; a rescuing “I love you” rang louder for once. 

Before you knew what was happening you heard your name being yelled fervidly. Looking to your left you found Ben, disheveled and out of breath in the doorway. Glancing to the mirror, there was nothing there anymore. You then followed Ben’s glance down to the hand you had in front of you. Your fingers were balled into a fist, it was streaked with red droplets making their way down your forearm. 

Breathing heavily you swallowed, “Ben?” you asked, as if really asking what had happened.

“You’re okay, it’ll be okay,” he immediately rushed to you, only the slightest worry in his voice, “it’s okay.” 

You practically fell into his arms, dazed. He sat you on the edge of the tub and crouched down to your level, dark messy hair in his face. You watched as he gently used the force to pull any glass from your skin, after that he blotted your forearm down before touching you, transferring some healing force into you. The wound healed in no time and you wished the wounds in your mind could be patched that easy. There were tears in your eyes that you hadn’t even felt form, but they were there and they were streaming down your cheek.

“You’re okay. . .you’re okay,” Ben said repeatedly, as he looked up, caressing your hand and pressing his lips against your skin; in truth he was more so assuring himself that you were okay. He let the silence settle before he spoke, “can- can you tell me what happened?”

You avoided his eyes, absolutely stunned that you didn’t even remember hitting the mirror.

“Sweetheart-” he was about to try again, when you softly cut him off.

“There’s a dark violence, a voice, within me,” you explained, quietly and slowly for fear of sounding crazier than you already felt, “I thought it was gone for a while, but it’s back and it’s more powerful than I think I can handle alone.”

You looked to meet his eyes, they were warm, they always were when he looked at you. He didn’t look at you like you were crazy, he didn’t look at you and pretend to understand everything, he looked at you because he was listening. The first person you’d ever met who just listened, so you let him in more.

“I have these thoughts,” you took a deep breath, “I’m standing at an edge, and sometimes I give in, sometimes I stay still, but sometimes it drags me down,” you looked directly to him, “but...this last time, I couldn’t stop it, I didn’t have a choice,” your chest heaved; you felt the tears form this time, and you were reminded how much you hated crying, “I’m scared, Ben,” you admitted, attempting to steady your voice, “I’m more scared than I’ve ever been before.”

He nodded, hand still holding yours, the other resting atop your knee softly, just to let you know he was physically there and so were you. 

“I want to help you, in any way I can,” Ben began, “but I will not pretend to know how to do that.”

You sniffled a little, looking down and nodding subtly, silently thanking him for being honest, instead of pretending he had answers.

���I can tell you how much I don’t want you to take that step though,” Ben lifted your chin with a finger, “I don’t want you to go, you’re still needed here, you’re loved here and,” he lifted his eyebrows, softly smiling, “and maybe I’m selfish, but I need you here more than you know.” 

You shook your head, “that’s not selfish,” suddenly your throat felt tight again, as if the tears were caught there, stopping you from breathing, “that’s just love I don’t deserve.”

Ben hushed a quiet, ‘no, no, sweetheart,’ caressing your cheek as you lowered your face crying. Your forehead pressed down against his, he felt your tears against his cheek and heard you try to soften your cries best you could.

Trying not to cry himself at seeing you in such a pain he could not understand nor see himself, he assured you with his presence, “you deserve more love than you know and even more than I can give, that’s why I need you to show yourself some too.”

You pulled back slightly confused, and Ben continued, “I can’t see inside your mind, but I do know that these visions do not define you,” He brought both his hands to your face, thumbs wiping away your tears, even though they continued to fall, “I know that it is really hard to believe you’re something better than your worst parts, but there’s so much more to you that I want you to see it.”

You didn’t know how to respond, you just stared at him, tear stained skin and wet eyes, reddened from crying. For once you didn’t think about how you looked, because you were feeling something you’d never felt before, a true genuine care, that you’d never even given yourself.

“And that’s what I can be here to do,” he smiled, “to remind you that there’s so much love in you; you need to give yourself some of it. Can you do that, for yourself, for me?”

“I can try,” you responded.

“That’s enough,” he said immediately, “your trying is tougher than you know.”

“Thank you,” you said, voice slightly hoarse from all the previous crying.

He lifted himself slightly, just enough to wrap his arms around you, bringing you closely and softly into a hug. You responded, slipping your arms around him, pressing your face into the side of his neck. The tips of his hair tickled your nose as you nuzzled against his warm skin. You clung to him, and relaxed in his embrace, exhaling a breath you felt had been trapped in you for years. 

He felt so safe, he felt like home.

[penmansparadise]

Damon Salvatore Imagine Requested - Forever

* I DON’T OWN ANY GIFS POSTED* *CREDIT TO GIF OWNERS*

It’s been quite a while since I’ve posted any imagines!  I’m sorry for being MIA a lot, but I appreciate all of my followers.  Anyway, this was a request from my Wattpad!  Let me know what you guys think, and I hope you all enjoy it! Xx.

Pairing: Damon Salvatore x Reader 

Warnings: Mild language and mentions of sex.  It’s also a little steamy in the beginning.

Word Count: 3324

_______________________________________________

His hands tangled in your hair, pulling slightly. You let out a low moan as his lips connected with your exposed neck. His tongue drew circles on your sensitive skin, and you were sure there was going to be a bright blue bruise when he was done. You let your fingertips trail down his toned chest feeling every muscle ripple under your touch. His right hand moved to cup your breast over your bra, earning another moan. He smirked against your neck and let out a breathy chuckle. The way his breath brushed over your skin sent shivers down your spine. Your eyes were closed in complete bliss when the front door flew open.

"Hey, Damon, I was curious if – OH MY GOD!" Caroline threw her hands over her eyes. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know you had company."

You scrambled out from under Damon's wandering hands and pulled your shirt over your head. Standing up, you did your best to fix your hair, even though you knew it looked like a mess. Damon huffed,

"It's fine, Caroline. We were just catching up. It's been a while since I've last seen Y/N."

He smirked at you sending your stomach into a fit of butterflies. You could feel the blush creeping up your cheeks when he took your hand in his. You gave Caroline a curt nod as Damon led you out the door and to your car. As you fumbled around your purse for your keys, Damon's hands began to wander your body again. You giggled as he traced the curves of your body and then started to twirl a strand of your hair around his pointer finger.

"So," he said, "same time tomorrow? And, hopefully, we won't be disturbed."

You rolled your eyes at him, but leaned in and looked up through your eyelashes.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."

He smirked at you before planting a hungry kiss on your lips. You gave his chest a little pat, then got into your car and drove off watching his figure disappear in your rearview mirror.

You and Damon go way back. Back in 1895, you were considered the best seamstress in Mystic Falls, Virginia. Men and women alike would seek you out to patch up pants or create custom made clothes. Damon sought you out one day to make him a custom suit, and that's when your friends with benefits relationship began. It started out innocent. He would come back week after week to see you. At first, he would bring in shirts that needed new buttons or a pair of pants that needed to be tailored. But, soon, he would just start showing up. There was always a strong sexual tension between the two of you, and one day, in the small closet in your shop, you acted upon it. The rest was history. The two of you laid some ground rules:

1) No sex during work hours; only in the evening when no one will suspect anything.

2) No forms of PDA allowed including, but not limited to: hand-holding, kissing, hugging, and the like.

3) No pet names unless during sex.

And lastly

4) No feelings!

Your friends with benefits relationship lasted for years. It wasn't until the 1920s that things began to change. Stefan went through his ripper phase, taking Damon away from you. He left Mystic Falls, went to war, and off after Stefan, and you went to New York City. You went years thinking that he died in the war. That was until, fast forward to the present, you found yourself back in Mystic Falls and staring down the back of your beloved Damon at the old bar.

After that meet up, the two of you picked up right where you left off. For months, Damon would call you when he craved you and vice versa. At one point, you gave him a spare key to your house for late-night meet-ups. The rules were relatively the same, but somewhere along the line, you couldn't pinpoint exactly when it happened, you began to feel something more. When he would kiss you goodnight, your dead heart would jump alive. When he called you "love" or "baby girl," your whole body would tingle. There was never supposed to be feelings, and you kicked yourself for breaking the most important rule. You tried to push them away, but the harder you pushed, the stronger they grew. One night, after receiving a text from him, you were forced to face your feelings.

You stared at yourself in the mirror, taking in your clothes and slumped shoulders. Your throat already felt tight with the thought of what you had to do.

"Fuck," you said to your reflection.

You did one last once over before exiting your house and driving to the Salvatore Boarding House.

The house was dark, as it usually was during your late meet-ups. You entered the house like normal and went to Damon's room. Your footsteps and shallow breaths seemed to echo off the tall walls. You pushed his door open, and he was perched in his bed, shirtless and smirking, like usual. Instead of joining him, you stood in the doorway. Tears were already threatening to spill over, but you did your best to swallow them back. Damon could tell something was wrong.

"Y/N, are you okay?"

"No, Damon," you said, "I can't do this anymore."

You cleared your throat as his eyebrows arched upward.

"I don't want to do this anymore."

"W-why? If you don't mind me asking."

"I'm just," you stopped and took a slow but shaky breath, "I want something more with my life, Damon. We can be just friends, and that's it."

Damon's mouth fell slightly agape. He took a breath in to speak, but you cut him off.

"Just friends, Damon. Please."

His dark eyes were void of emotion as they bore into yours. He was quiet for a beat before sighing and simply saying,

"Okay."

You gave him a nod, then turned and walked out. As soon as you were walking down the long hallway, you let the tears fall. You knew the house like the back of your hand, so being unable to see where you were going was not a problem. It became an issue when you ran into a solid object you soon realized was Stefan. His hands gripped your arms, preventing you from falling. You kept your head down as you tried to wipe the sadness from your face.

"Woah, woah, woah. Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, Stefan," you said, doing your best to wiggle out of his hold, "I just need to go."

His feet were planted, and his hands did not slack.

"I'm not gonna just let you run out of my house crying. Come sit with me and have a drink."

You hesitated, staring at his empathetic smile before finally giving in. His smile widened as he led you to the sitting room. You and Stefan talked about everything and nothing all while drowning your feelings in bourbon. He told you what his favorite movie was, and you told him why you had a fear of flying. He detailed his darkest moments during the 1920s when he turned into The Ripper. You told him about life in the city and your affair with the notorious mob boss Lucky Luciano.

"You did not have an affair with Lucky Luciano."

"I'm telling you, I did! He was so tall and looked so good in those pinstripe suits. He bought me anything I wanted. Jewelry, purses, clothes, shoes, anything. And, he was a great kisser."

He just laughed at you before pouring another drink. Bottle after bottle was emptied while the two of you laughed throughout the night. At some time during the early morning hours, you ran out of liquor. Stefan had his arm draped over the back of the couch, and your head found residence on his shoulder. You were drunk, but you didn't care. It felt nice to be cuddled up next to someone fully clothed for a change. You nuzzled into Stefan's neck.

"You know, we've never actually bonded like this."

"Well," he said, already chuckling, "you were always too busy fucking my brother to notice me, so..."

You punched his arm lightly and threw your head back laughing.

"Oh, shut up!"

Your eyes met his and held his stare. His eyes were much softer than Damon's, and they looked at you with such patience rather than lust.

"I like this, though."

Your eyes darted down to his lips before finding his eyes again.

"I like you, Stefan."

He let out a light laugh,

"You're drunk, Y/N."

"No, seriously," you said a little too quickly, "I want to do this again."

"Me too."

The two of you held the other's gaze for a bit longer before you started to lean your head toward his. You knew that the liquor was making you more confident than usual, but you didn't stop. When he leaned in too, you knew for sure you wanted to kiss him. Your eyes shut just as his lips landed on yours. It was slow and sensual. His hand held the back of your head, deepening the kiss just slightly. It was nice, but somewhere in the back of your mind, you couldn't help but compare it to kissing Damon.

The sound of someone clearing their throat pulled you back to reality. You pushed yourself away from Stefan and brushed your fingers through your hair. When you looked up to see Damon's hard stare on you, your cheeks grew warm. Every feature on his face was more rigid than usual. His jaw was clenched, and his eyes were as dark as his jet-black hair. Without dropping your gaze, he grabbed one of the empty bottles and grunted.

"I see you two had a good night."

Neither Stefan nor you said anything in return. Instead, you stood and grabbed your bag, avoiding Damon's stare.

"I should get going. Thanks for last night, Stefan."

He didn't say anything back as you rushed out of the house. Even as you were getting into your car, you could feel Damon's eyes on you. You ignored the heavy feeling in your chest as you drove off.

Damon moved on faster than you expected after that encounter. When you went over to see Stefan, Damon would always be wearing a different girl on his arm. You tried not to care, but your heart consistently betrayed you. It was only a few weeks after you and Stefan shared that kiss before he asked you to be his girlfriend. He took you to dinner, and just before he dropped you off at home, he popped the question. You said, "Yes," even though you felt your heart was not truly in it.

Much to your surprise, Stefan was the perfect boyfriend. He treated you like a Queen and took you on dates. He held your hand, opened doors for you, and brushed stray hairs out of your face.  His kisses were so sweet and innocent, something you never experienced before. He was everything you should have wanted.

About two months after you started dating, Stefan told you he loved you. He took you to a beautiful grove for a picnic date. It was so well planned. The flowers were in bloom, decorating your surroundings in a sea of vibrant blues and yellows. He had all your favorite foods neatly wrapped in cling wrap, and your favorite drink chilled to just the right temperature. The date was picture-perfect, but you could feel his energy was off. When he began to fidget with the basket, you started to feel sick. You knew what was coming.

"I know it's only been two months, but I've known you for years. I feel so comfortable around you, Y/N, and I feel like it's the right time to tell you how I really feel."

His eyes were so sincere when he took your hands in his.

"I love you, Y/N."

You looked down, feeling like you were going to throw up right there.

"Stefan."

The silence was deafening. But, when you didn't say anything else, Stefan let go of your hands and sighed in defeat.

"It's Damon, isn't it?"

"Stefan, please-"

"You're in love with him, aren't you?"

You kept your eyes trained on the checkered blanket, too afraid to look up at him.

"You always have been."

A small sob escaped your mouth as tears poured out of you. Through hazy vision, you looked at Stefan.

"I'm so sorry, Stefan. I really tried to move past him. I tried to forget him, but my heart just won't seem to let me. I don't know what I have to do to let him go."

Stefan's eyebrows furrowed, and his face softened at your broken figure.

"It's okay, Y/N," he said, pulling you into a tight embrace, "I always knew. Don't be sorry for how you truly feel."

His hand smoothed down your disheveled hair as you continued to cry into his chest.

"I'll love you whether you're my girlfriend or just my friend. Do you hear me?"

He moved your frail body away just enough to make eye contact.

"I just want you to be happy, with or without me."

Your bottom lip trembled at his reassuring words.

"Thank you, Stefan," you said, nearly choking on each syllable.

He just nodded before pulling you back into his arms. He held you like that until your sobs turned into shaky breaths. When he thought you were calm enough, he separated your body from his and smiled playfully.

"So, I'm guessing we're breaking up, right?"

The two of you both chuckled, and you shoved his arm before nodding. You finished eating and, although you were no longer a couple, you still enjoyed your evening with Stefan. After cleaning up the picnic, he drove you home.

When he pulled up in front of your dark house, you turned to him.

"Thank you for everything."

"You know I'll always be here for you, Y/N."

You reached over the center console to pull him into a hug before exiting the vehicle. He waited for you to get inside then honked once as a "Goodbye." You waved to him before shutting the door. As soon as you locked the door, your living room lamp switched on. You stumbled back, nearly fainting until your eyes settled on the familiar figure sitting on your couch. Even though you urged your body not to react, your stomach erupted with butterflies.

"How the hell did you get in here?" You said, trying to keep your voice steady.

Damon pulled out a key ring with a single key dangling from it. He twirled it around his finger with a smirk playing on his lips.

"Spare key, remember? Once upon a time, I would have to let myself in late at night because you were too lazy to get out of bed."

You rolled your eyes and groaned.

"Damon, I thought we agreed on not talking about that?"

He stood up, and you could tell something was off. His usual hard features softened, and he wasn't looking you in your eyes.

"Yeah," he said, balling his fists at his sides, "but I didn't know we agreed on not talking at all."

You stayed silent. His eyes finally landed on you, and it felt like a blow to your chest. Betrayal and pain played so clearly on his face.

"When were you going to tell me you were dating Stefan?"

You scoffed at him, unable to control your annoyance.

"I didn't think I needed to check-in with you."

"I'm your friend, Y/N! Usually, friends share that type of information."

Your jaw dropped in disbelief. All the emotions you had kept bottled up, your anger and hate toward him after you left that night, bubbled to the surface.

"You didn't inform me about every girl you fucked after me, and there were a lot! I really didn't see it as a big deal, Damon."

He stayed silent that time. The tension was almost palpable as the two of you stood there. His eyes were set on you, but you couldn't bring yours to meet his. You knew if you did, you'd break, and you had enough crying for one night.

"Stefan and I broke up anyway," you finally said, barely above a whisper.

You could hear the small breath Damon took in at your comment.

"You did? Why?"

You swallowed hard and tried to straighten your posture.

"He said he loved me, and I couldn't say it back."

"Why?" Damon said, voice low and gruff.

You could feel your knees weaken from his rasp. Even without using his hands, he had this type of effect on you. You groaned, mostly from annoyance at yourself.

"Damon, why did you come here tonight? I know it wasn't to get the juicy details about my break up."

He took a step toward you.

"Answer my question. Why couldn't you say it back?"

"Because I love someone else!" You said, eyes finally shooting up to meet his.

He was close enough to touch, and you had to refrain from reaching your hand out.

"Now," you said, "you have to answer my question. Why are you really here, Damon?"

His eyes raked over your body, sending chills coursing through you. When his eyes finally met yours again, you felt like you couldn't breathe.

"I miss you."

Your heart dropped. After all this time, he still only wanted you for pleasure, and nothing more. You let out an incredulous laugh and shook your head. You went to walk away, but he grabbed your hand and stopped you.

"And I want more this time. I want more than just sex, Y/N," he said to your back.

You slowly turned to face him again, ready to listen. He ran his hands through his already messy hair and sighed.

"I want to know your favorite color and your favorite novel. I want to know why you can't sleep without a fan on, and why you're scared of flying."

His eyes were pleading as they held your gaze.

"Dammit, Y/N, I want to know all about New York City in the 20s, and how good of a kisser Lucky Luciano was!"

You opened your mouth to speak, but you couldn't form a sentence. For a moment, you just stared at him in shock.

"You were listening that night?"

He dropped his gaze to stare at your dainty feet.

"I want to talk to you like that, and kiss you when we can't talk anymore."

Silence fell between the two of you. You kept your eyes on him, waiting patiently for him to look at you. When he finally did, his normally sharp stare was so gentle.

"Who do you love, Y/N?"

"Damon-"

"Who do you love?"

Your whole body was on fire under his soft stare. You looked from his eyes to his lips and back, desperately wanting to feel his lips on you again. Every nerve in your body was on alert as you felt his large hands carefully grab yours. You took in a short breath to muster up the strength to speak.

"You, Damon."

A smile of relief took over his face before he moved his hands to the sides of your face, and pulled you into a kiss. Your body tensed at first but soon melted into his touch. You trailed your hands up his arms until they found the back of his neck. Your nails dug into his flesh as you held onto him, afraid that he would disappear if you didn't. His lips moved so smoothly against yours.  When he finally pulled away, you were breathless.

"I love you so much, Y/N. I always have, and I always will."

"I love you too, Damon. Forever."

He smiled before planting a sweet kiss on your nose.

"Forever, Y/N."

[smolbeandrabbles]

How Not To - Ralph Anderson x Shifter!Reader 3 (The Outsider)

Finale to Halfway Home & Control GIF Credit: X X @wltz-bby​ @happyskywhale​ #mendotagsquad @crawlingmist​ @mendelskrull​ - for your special interest in this series

Author’s Note: I thought I’d be lucky to induct Ralph Anderson to Team 10K. I didn’t realise he would become the second longest fic on here...

I underestimated just how much I wanted to put them through for their finale. I just hope it’s satisfying. 🙊🙏🤞

Muscially this has always been a big song for me, it seems appropriate to use it here. How Not To - Dan & Shay

Eyes Closed - Halsey

Special shout out to Amanda for her GIF analysis! Couldn’t leave it at just one, though...!  😅

Disclaimer: The Outsider nothing to do with me / These shifters are my creation, but I am once again using Stephen King’s ideas as references / lyrics & gifs not mine

Premise: Ralph Anderson never wants to hear the word ‘Shapeshifter’ again. Apparently that seems inevitable, and Holly brings him a new case. But they need an Outsider to catch an Outsider. And there only seems like one option...  

Words: 15,330

Warnings: Swearing / just a whole bunch of angst/angsty fighting / sex (not smut)

⚠ Hurt / Angst Caution Warning (Not as bad as previous... but it’s there!) ⚠

_______

I can honestly understand why it's over I can go through the motions of walking away I can give you the key and take my things back I can find plenty things to fill my days

You're like second nature, baby, you're just like breathin' A melody that you hear and you can't forget The time goes by and I still need you Yeah, you worth the heartbreak and the regret

But I don't know how not to think about you When it's late at night and quiet And I know that I ought to be the one who is strong and just moves on But I’ll probably turn down your road, knock-knock on your door Fall back in your arms, wake up in the morning Hating myself for the way that I can't help the way I still want you I just don't know how not to, how not to, how not to I just don't know how not to, how not to, how not to

--- I, I know where to lay, I know what to say It's all the same And I, I know how to play I know this game, It's all the same

Would've gave it all for you, cared for you So tell me where I went wrong Would've trade it all for you, there for you So tell me how to move on They don't realize that I'm thinking about you It's nothing new, it's nothing new Now if I keep my eyes closed he looks just like you But he'll never stay, they never do Now if I keep my eyes closed he feels just like you But you've been replaced I'm face to face with someone new 

---

If there was one call he never wanted, this one was it. Ralph could have sworn that when he said goodbye to Holly Gibney saying he’d like to work with her on a case again, he’d stated a normal one – and he absolutely did. Holly was great, once he’d got used to her. Once he’d kicked his ass into gear over the Frankie Peterson case and immersed himself into the supernatural side of things. When she called again and mentioned the word ‘shapeshifter’, once more Ralph was forced into silence. Preceded by ‘another’, of course, and Holly had to call his name multiple times before he found a voice to tell her he was listening. Now Ralph Anderson and Yune Sablo found themselves sitting back at Cherokee City PD as Holly stood in front of them: police board, evidence, photographs, markers to connect everything. Ralph’s heart sank completely; he didn’t need this again. He’d had enough of this for one lifetime, and unlike Shapeshifters he only had one lifetime. Holly had put together a good investigation; she’d been tracking this one for quite some time, and although it hadn’t stopped over in Cherokee City, it had been through here according to her research. Yet, even though Holly was able to track its movements, she was uncertain she could do much more without the help of the people who had been through this with her before. She was certain she could stop it, determined to, but after Tennessee she didn’t think she could do this alone. This shifter also seemed different to her than their first, it was only because of the patterns she recognised that Holly was even able to keep track of it at all – this one was being extremely careful. Still, none of these factors excused it from the fact that murders seemed to follow wherever it went – finishing it was the only option. And for that she needed Ralph with her, as he had been before. Holly paused her onslaught of information and turned back to them, glad they seemed to be following everything she said. When she asked if they were clear, both men nodded, causing Holly to smile… except she placed her hands together in front of her lips in thought; “If only there was some way to get inside the head of these things, then maybe we’d stand a better chance of catching one...” Ralph, who was still preoccupied with his own thoughts on Shapeshifters – for obviously he had many - raised his head slowly to her musings. Yune stood a little straighter where he was leaning against the desk and looked across to his companion – Ralph, feeling eyes on him, turned to Yune. “No-” “Ralph.” By the look on Yune’s face he wanted Ralph to at least listen to reason. For Ralph Anderson there wasn’t a reason on Earth he’d ever agree to such a senseless idea. “No. No we can’t-!” “She’s our best hope, maybe our only hope!” Yune at least had the decency to plead it. Ralph’s eyes only narrowed, and his voice was firm;  “I never wanna see her again.” Holly looked between them, clearly confused, “What?” Yune glanced across to her, just as baffled, hardly believing that Ralph wouldn’t have imparted that information; “Didn’t he tell you?!” “I said we broke up.” Was the flat reply from Ralph, the detective folded his arms, looking like he’d rather talk about anything else. Holly blinked a few times, quickly catching on, “Y/N-!? She- she’s a...?!” Ralph Anderson didn’t let her finish the sentence, teeth gritted; “Don’t even say it.” Before turning his rising anger at having to be reminded on Yune: “We don’t even know where she is - I let her go!” Yune folded his arms and crossed his legs, leaning slightly away from his friend; “And you’re thinking it’ll be hard to look her up!? We have the database – we’ll find her!” Ralph glared back; “She’s a shapeshifter-! What if she changed!? That’s as easy as...” He stalled, looking away again, clearly not in the mood to talk about it anymore. Yune had attempted many times to get Ralph to impart what he’d seen in that field in vain; and although he never told, Yune knew whatever it was haunted him. Instead, Yune turned his attention back to Holly, “It would take maybe a day to figure out where she is... if we go pick her up, two tops... do we have time?” She nodded, that was the only shot any of them had to stop this thing. It wasn’t like before; they would need a shifter to catch a shifter. Holly looked back to Ralph, voice firm, not to be argued with; “We need her.” Ralph was still staring at nothing, and shook his head slowly; “I’m not going. I can’t go...”

*****

The pure ecstasy was almost stifling. So high you could barely breathe. Being with a shifter was always like this; humans always loved softer – probably because love actually factored into it. Human guise or not, there was nothing about your feelings for each other that had anything to do with how you would tangle together under sheets. An urge, an instinct, a call to be answered.

Shimmers of silver in the darkness as your eyes glowed with a refusal to burn out. Elongated talons and razor-sharp teeth left deep scratches across your back, immobilising, painful bites to your neck. Females were bigger and stronger, and for you not to do him any real damage he had to hold you down. But those needles sinking into your skin and drawing up rivers of ink from your veins only hit you with a further shot of pleasure. He wasn’t the same species as you – but he was damn close in his true form. You always preferred sex like this; humans had nerve endings in places your race didn’t – a form of pleasure you were unable to replicate unless you presented as one. Also, having been loved on by one for four consecutive years (who also knew damn well what he was doing), it was unsurprising that you’d not want to go back to anything remotely animalistic. Still – you were unable to stop yourself from crying out as your race would. It was by no means pretty; nowhere near the same as whispering someone’s name breathlessly as you held them tight, the trail of their lips down your neck. It sounded like it belonged in the far-off wilderness of some ancient jungle – where it used to be heard frequently. A call answered by his own; not filling a starry summer night sky, but now a bedroom in a modern house, in some town that could not be further away from where you had been born and grown up. How times change - How your race had always underestimated the advancement of humans. But even with the way you were pinned now; with your blood running from at least three separate places, stuck in some ancient ritual, a biological need engrained in your race since millennia before you were born – the man you were with was not the one you were thinking of. Your eyes were closed, and all that flooded your head was Ralph Anderson. You could feel the way he held you, running his hands over your skin and paying attention to every detail. As a detective he never missed anything – that adorable little smile before he asked you if everything was okay. The feel of him inside your body; making love to your slow, steady, breathing your name carelessly – a whisper across your skin as he planted tender kisses instead of bite marks. Although sometimes Ralph would graze his teeth, even on accident, and you would shudder in the memory of something a lot more like this. If you concentrated hard enough on your human, your partner blended into him – and it was Ralph you could feel all over your body – even this rough. And you couldn’t keep him out, you wouldn’t keep him out. It surprised you that somewhere along the line you hadn’t tipped your head back to call his name instead. You missed him, more than anything – you missed having this with him. Ralph could care about you the way a shapeshifter never could. This was good, but it wouldn’t last. You were the only shapeshifter who stayed in one place. It might take a little while, but your partner would move on. For now you sated each other’s appetite; familiar company that you could truly be yourself around. You didn’t have to control your body; your own claws and teeth sinking into him as you tightened your embrace: you were in charge, and he would move as and when you wanted him to. That taste on your tongue, not quite metallic the way human blood was: of salt and earth, ancient minerals lost to time and space that no human technology would ever recognise. Damaging your partner as such was just another part of the act – it was expected, and your partner knew that he was damn lucky you didn’t kill him. Younger ones would suffer worse with you – even killed accidentally from too many fractures, broken bones, blood loss… Not him; with a name of ancient origin you thought he could have been older than you – but from a different part of the world.  

You squeezed your eyes shut again – on the edge of your, very human, climax. And Ralph was right back with you, the gentle sound of his voice coaxing you, hands laced with yours, how his kisses would swallow your groans as you struggled to hold back and the sweet way he would chuckle; ‘Baby… come on… just a little more… I got ya…’ Everything went cloudy for a moment, and Ralph flooded your senses heavier than before: it was his body and his weight, Ralph’s scent and his heartbeat flush with yours. His shiver as he unwound himself from that high that you couldn’t experience – not the way his human body would, but that fascinated you to watch, to feel. You withdrew your needle like teeth from the shoulder of your partner, running your tongue gently over the punctures to stop the flow of blood – you’d both heal quick. Another trait of your race. You slowed your breathing, silver eyes burning a little brighter, but Ralph’s ghost didn’t leave you this time. And before you knew it a single tear was sliding down your cheek. He didn’t see – this man would surely take his leave of you, even when you settled your head in the crook of his neck and pulled him closer, pretending this was anywhere near to what you had in Cherokee City. Yes, he’d leave – but Ralph Anderson never would. ***** Five Years Later… You raised your head from the morning paper – dumfounded. Once you’d got a good feel for people they were never really gone. Even if they’d never touched your soul – even if you’d never had their DNA flow through your veins, people still left a mark on you. This one you hadn’t felt in 5 years, and of all of them to turn up at your door, his wasn’t who you expected. You felt it long before his car pulled into the drive, but you let Yune Sablo step out of the vehicle before you opened your door, standing on the porch with your arms folded as he approached. There was a healthy silence between you as he kept his head bowed. Taking a deep breath before he raised his eyes to yours; there was a hard look on your face, it wasn’t welcoming. “What, is he too good to come and collect me himself!?” Yune immediately looked deflated, “You know I didn’t come here for Ralph.” You held your hand up, “No. Don’t – Don’t ruin it and say his name. What do you want?” “We need you.” Your arms folded and you ran your tongue over your bottom lip, eyebrows raised, “Uh huh.” “No really-!” Yune didn’t dare take even one step up your porch, he knew what you were. Even if he didn’t know what you were capable of, he’d seen enough from your fellow shapeshifters to not want to incur that from you – considering the displeasure on your face. “Y/N, there’s been a string of murders… Holly’s been putting it together and she came to Cherokee City for our help. But we need you.” “Holly?!” For a moment you seemed perplexed, your expression softened and Yune thought he might be able to sway you just by using her, but your eyes narrowed, “You told her?” “We had no choice. We need you. Don’t do it for him – do it for us. Do it for your race.” “Yune. It’s been 5 years, I’m DONE with Cherokee City. And I’m particularly done with its police department. What makes him think I want to see him again?” “I know it’s been 5 years. I think about that every day. That I could have prevented this, and if I’d just got to him quicker then he wouldn’t…” You let out a sigh, dropping your stance and relaxing, “Don’t beat yourself up over what Ralph Anderson did… I won’t let you do that to yourself. What do you need me for, you killed one before?” “Psychology. Getting inside its head. It’s trackable but… it’s careful. Much more careful than the last one.” You lowered your eyes, but nodded; “What makes you think I haven’t gone down that path myself? What makes you think I’m not gonna turn on all of you?” Yune shook his head; “I know you.” He did take that step, but hesitated as your eyes pierced his with an unnatural glimmer of silver. “If you care about us like I know you do, do it for us. Us.” He swallowed, “Y/N. You’re not a bad person. Or whatever you want to qualify yourself as. You can make a difference, and prove to us that you’re not all bad.” “I don’t have anything to prove.” This time when the silver shimmered to life it stayed, and Yune couldn’t tear his eyes away from it. He still had no idea what Ralph had done to you; he was starting to think maybe he should have pressed his friend before coming out here. You looked around at the other houses, suddenly glad that Yune was in his own car and not a marked one, “How did you find me anyway?” “Like I said, you’re a good person. You kept your name and you’re registered here. It’s not… too hard.” It wasn’t a warm smile by any means, but you flicked your head towards your front door – “Okay. Before I come with you, you best come inside – for one, I better pack.” Yune grinned, happy that you were seemingly accepting, that you would answer their plea: “And notify work, right!?” Once inside you packed quickly; not before making Yune a quick cup of coffee. Allowing him some time to unwind before he’d have to drive all the way back. As you packed, Yune sat with his coffee staring around your house. Minimalist. There were barely any photographs on walls, or pictures either. It hardly looked lived in; a shell of a house. Even the bathrooms held no trace of being used. But there was something else too, where there should have been a bathroom mirror, he was faced with nothing. And being inquisitive, Yune found that if the mirrors in this house were still in place, then they were turned around. He wondered if that was a question he could just ask. Yune supposed he wasn’t exactly sure what Shifter etiquette would be. You’d just have to tell him where that line was. Realising just how trapped you’d be with him in a car back to Cherokee City, you weren’t surprised that Yune wanted to try to get all his questions in. You didn’t seem reluctant; and he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel about that. Because you weren’t exactly happy either. “So, how’ve you been? What have you been doing? There, uh, anyone you need to tell you’re leaving?” “Uh, I’m an analyst. It’s okay, it’s a job and I get paid… I like where I live. And no, I’m not attached, which is also fine… What else is there to say?” “I guess I expected you to be upset but… you’re here. You’re just, gonna come.” “I’ll be damned if I let Ralph Anderson make me bitter and twisted.” You smiled, “The street I live on is entirely couples. I surrounded myself with love – as I always do. Now that is truly the only way for my race to live. I thrive on that kind of love.” If you could call what you were doing right now ‘thriving’. “I could have lived on his, but we all know what happened there.” “Do you miss him?” There was silence for a long time, and your face was stoic as you mulled your answer over, before it fell, and you started to look upset: “It’s not just about missing him, Yune. He’s a part of me – they all are. And I’ll carry them all for the rest of my life, every strand of DNA I’ve ever replicated. But Ralph… I let him deeper than anyone. It’s easy to collect DNA and just go off and use it, but he… Do you have any idea what it’s like to look in a mirror and hate every fibre of what you are? It’s not just me he hates – it’s what I am! I can’t get away from that even if I do wear another face.” “That explains the mirrors.” He said it before he even realised, and quickly added an embarrassed “Sorry.” “No. You’re right. I can’t… stand myself. But I can’t stay out of this form for very long. So, I have to face it… but it’s not easy. Ralph Anderson is torture. But he helps.” “You – shift into Ralph!?” “He never told you what happened in that field did he?” “No.” “Figures.” But you offered no more on the subject, turning to the window, and Yune wouldn’t press you either: “I drive his car, I wear his clothes, I can face him in a mirror and I even keep track of what he's up to. When I remember. He’ll never get out of my head, and I’ll never get over him. That’s what I’m learning to live with. And now he’s dragging me back. Do I have a choice in facing this? You already know I don’t, Yune.” He reached out and gently patted your hand, “I’m sorry.” You whipped around quickly at the feel of his hand on yours, and he caught that silver again: “I’m not afraid of you, Y/N. And I’ll get you back soon I promise. I won’t let him hurt you.” You could only nod, and barely smile. You understood Yune’s sentiments; but what he was promising was impossible. Just seeing Ralph Anderson again would be more painful than anything you’d faced. You returned your gaze slowly to the scenery and took a deep breath. You weren’t about to tell Yune that you were nervous, thoughts chasing themselves around your head. You were already being torn up by the prospect of seeing him again, and the longer you had to stay in Cherokee City the more torn you’d become. Get in, solve the case, get out. And it being that quick was your only hope… ***

Ralph Anderson would probably never admit it to anyone, but what he was feeling towards you wasn’t far off what you were feeling for him. Ever since he’d gone home from the ‘agreement’ he hadn’t been sleeping well. This morning Yune had simply sent him a text to let him know he was on his way to collect you. You still bore the same name and face – and Ralph wasn’t sure how he’d react when he saw you. Last night had been the worst; wrecked with dreams good and bad, and all of them about you. The worst, and one that had been reoccurring since you left, was the field – playing out exactly the same, except sometimes he’d pull that trigger – sometimes you would attack him and leave him to die – and sometimes he’d be back in that cave in Tennessee, but it’d be you he was facing. You wouldn’t leave him, and he was anxious. What would happen when he did see you again – would he be just as fearful as he was facing you before? Or would it turn to anger and hatred? He wasn’t sure he wanted to show that side of himself to his friends. Which made Ralph ponder exactly what you might be telling Yune. There’s two sides to every story though, and surely Yune would understand mine… He was nervous to see you too – because something else he’d realised, in the past 5 years, was that he couldn’t hate you. Of course, Ralph did hate you, but only because he couldn’t love you. How was that possible, after all you’d done? With what you were. It was still early but he was sitting at his desk and sipping straight bourbon. He’d need it, Ralph knew that much. He opened the top draw and was faced with a picture of you; pulling the frame out he stared at your face, wishing he felt nothing and only stopping when his eyes started to smart. It had only been recently that he’d cleared traces of you from the house. Yune shouldn’t have been surprised at the mirrors in your home because the pictures in Ralph’s told the same story, turned around or face down until he finally rid his residence of them. Your clothes were all in bags in the garage, but he’d never quite got around to his promise of burning them all. Ralph had been on dates but, he’d never found anyone else. He just classed himself as emotionally unavailable. But never had much trouble blaming you for this. Maybe he was just waiting for something he couldn’t have – and maybe Ralph was waiting on miracles. Although he’d never mention that either. As he strolled into the department that morning, Holly observed him with worry. Of course she was already up bright and early. Ralph slumped down in his chair with a sigh; and looked more tired than she’d ever seen him. Holly made coffee and set it in front of him without even asking. She felt Ralph probably needed more than that, but wasn’t about to encourage drinking when she needed them to focus. “You look like you didn’t sleep much.” “Yeah, well. It’s a big day, I’m not the best sleeper as it is these days.” She at least looked sympathetic as he gazed up at her to thank her for the coffee. “Are you ready for this?” Ralph nodded a few times slowly, before it quickly turned into a head shake; “I’ve never been more unprepared in my life.”

*** Ralph’s adrenaline and heartbeat spiked the second he heard your voice – but he could control it. Your sentences were cut and single words to answer Yune’s questions – but not unfriendly. The unmistakable sound of your footfall had him looking up as you both walked into the room. You stopped dead as your eyes caught his – as did your talking. You hadn’t changed one bit, you looked like you hadn’t even aged a day – frozen in time, just like the pictures, and memories that filled Ralph’s mind. Somehow that made everything hurt just that little bit more. Yune and Holly stood around like awkward third wheels; but, certainly aware of the hostile tension that had just engulfed the room. Your face didn’t really convey a lot of emotion, but your glare was heavy and it made Ralph shift uncomfortably in his seat. That movement undid all his hard work of keeping it together, and although he was still holding your gaze, he suddenly looked pathetic and guilty. It didn’t make you feel anything: As he should. You turned away from him, to Holly. “I believe you need me for your investigation.” Ralph immediately shuddered at the sound of your voice and found it hard not to vocalise something, even when you weren’t talking to him. “You want to get inside the mind of a shifter, you’ve got one. I will caution you before we begin, we aren’t all the same. So, lay it on me – what you want to know AND already know. Yune said there was a pattern, maybe I can determine what type this shifter is from that…” You took a breath, unable to keep yourself from smiling at her, “It’s good to see you again, Holly. Thank you for believing in me.” And Ralph knew that was an immediate shot at him. Holly instantly beamed, and the tension in the room dissipated, because you weren’t expecting it. The third human in the room was forgotten for a moment, and you let your icy façade melt. These two hadn’t done anything to you, at least not yet, so you had to behave amicably to prove a point. Not that you wouldn’t have – but in the presence of people who knew what you were, you at least knew you had to be careful. “It’s good to see you too, Y/N. I have to say this revelation is at least a little fascinating.” “Well… Anything I can do to prove we aren’t all like him. This seems to be getting a little ridiculous.” “You’re not wrong…” But she kept smiling as she studied you, “I mean, they’ve told me what they know…” she indicated to Ralph and Yune. “And you don’t appear to be like he was – you don’t shed, is that correct? You… uh… shimmer?” Your eyes gravitated to her coffee cup, “I can show you. If you want. The problem is your last one was a baby. If you start coming up against those much older it’ll just get harder. The patterns this one is leaving could just be a flashy show of confidence. Not mistakes.” “Show us?” Ralph shifted anxiously and you could feel his unease, turning your eyes on him: “You already know I can do you, what’s the point in that?” You indicated to Holly’s coffee cup, “If you’re finished with that… I can…” She tipped her head in thought, then decided to nod and handed it over, continuing her questioning as you inspected the rim of the cup. “You don’t need my blood?” “That’s the easiest way, and how we start off – then we graduate. Any form of DNA works fine and it doesn’t need to be consumed. But again, that depends how old you are.” You stopped twisting the cup and glanced back to Holly, “You’re SURE you want me to do this? I can’t get inside your head, I promise that. But I will feel your emotion.” She nodded, but questioned again, “What is that like?” “For me…” You gave a shrug, lifting the cup to your lips and running your tongue across the edge, “It’s all I know.” You placed it down and waited patiently for the DNA to code itself into you – “This’ll take a second-. But you put me in a café and you leave your cup behind. Bam. I have you on file for the rest of my life. Some would rather their long string of love affairs; one-night stands or kisses its all the same, some just like the taste of blood. I think the less interaction the better, personally.” You stretched, “You sure you’re ready for this?” Holly nodded, but you knew all of them were immediately more tense as you took a breath and shimmered – Ralph couldn’t help but be transfixed to watched the way your eyes lit that haunting silver as your body once more seemed to wash with pixels, before Holly stood face to face with herself. You blinked a few times, eyes still shining. “Sorry.” Holly and Yune jumped at her voice from your mouth, “The eyes always take a little longer than anything else.” “And you can just change back?!” “Mhm.” You gave a nod, “Give me a few minutes, it’s like going through a hard reset.” “Why are there so many different species? I mean he wasn’t like you… I met another and he wasn’t like you either…” “Evolution. We do the same thing in different ways. Species and genus, I guess. But practice. He took a month to change, it used to take me longer to change. I had to go through a middle step of reverting back to true form to switch humans. It’s not the most intuitive thing.” “True form?” “I said to Ralph before…” You paused for a minute as your DNA began to even out over Holly’s, “I’m much more traditionally monster than human. Think… animal, not… person. In fact, we’d fit a lot better in your animal kingdom than we would the way you live. Excuse me.” You held your hand up and shifted yourself back, “See. It’s THAT simple.” Holly tilted her head; “Could… you elaborate?” “Sure. I’m Quadrupedal, little bit more front heavy. Sharp teeth like needles, claws… I’m used to four digits. If we did stand up…  maybe 8ft tall, probably bigger. Females are the larger of the species. You seem to be getting lucky on that front. Males don’t tend to survive the mating process – think spiders.” “I’m starting to think it’s a good thing you look human.” Yune sounded more than a little faint. “Yeah well, humans went and hunted us down – so we had to adapt.” You nodded to Holly’s board, “What do you think you have? One like me? Worse?” “WORSE!?” Yune looked across to you. “Hun, I am by no means the oldest of my kind. There are worse out there than the type I am. There’s a kind that never evolved – think parasitic worms.” “W-WHAT!?” You smirked, “Yeah. Way worse. That’d kill me easy.” You shot Ralph a look, “Detective, sitting there thinking ‘shame’ isn’t exactly helpful.” Ralph looked perplexed for a minute, deer in headlights. “Just because I can’t hear your thoughts, doesn’t mean I don’t know what you’re thinking.” You sat back on the desk as Holly went through her discoveries and you started to try to piece together the person she was describing. Which type they could be.  You could already offer suggestions: it was a strange set of patterns, and there were things they weren’t seeing because they weren’t shapeshifters. You liked that at least two people in the room seemed receptive and thankful for your presence on this. Holly brought up her video footage after that – the suspects looked slightly different in each but they all had the same movements, the same way of doing things. They weren’t trying to blend into the people they were copying, simply use them as a disguise. You were impressed she’d managed to get so far on body language. Yet there was something familiar about it that concerned you. Just how many of your kind had you been around in your life? Too many to recall and yet each one, just like the DNA you all collected, imprinted into your memory in a different way. This one was in your bank somewhere. It wasn’t what you wanted to realise. That unease certainly didn’t end as Holly continued to pull up pictures; and suddenly you became too alert, straightening and stiffening on the desk your nails gripped the table, eyes wide in shock. He’s not hiding anymore… Holly read this immediately; “You know him… don’t you?” You swallowed hard, realising all eyes were now on you. You did, of course you did. And he wasn’t someone you had to comb through your memories to find – he was right there; the man had just left you. “Better than I would care to say…” you nodded to her screen, “He’s not hiding. That’s his face. The equivalent of what I chose to present to you.” Then you shook your head, “SHIT!” After what you’d been through for nearly three years? Now you find this out?! It shouldn’t have bothered you, loving and leaving was what your race did. But this was worse than that. Ralph could read you like a book, and found that his jealousy and pain were blending together; “Oh, it hurts doesn’t it? When you find out the person you’re with isn’t what they seem.” You didn’t miss a beat: “What, don’t like what you see in the mirror?” Once again your detective didn’t have a comeback. “How recently?” “He left me 3 years ago. That’s nothing new, that’s how it works.” “What works?” You hesitated, but opted to continue: “Well, any ‘relationship’ really. We don’t… mate for life.” It was like air had just left the room, and you didn’t dare look at Ralph Anderson’s face. All you would see was anger and betrayal. “We were together a surprisingly long while, I suppose our cycles can be sensed. 27 years is a long time to wait for something like that.” Holly blinked a few times; “I didn’t think you could have… children. Every 27 years?” “Nothing to us. But I can assure you, we have children. At least my branch of our race can.” “So... you’re not sterile?” “Anything in your hospitals, honey, would say I was, even during the cycle. Males don’t have cycles but would still show as sterile in your readings.” “How many do you have?” Well, you’d come this far… “Alive? I can’t tell you. 17 total.” Ralph did the quick calculation in his head. That made you 435 years old, minimum. On the assumption that every 27 years you did in fact bare children. And you looked like only the last 2 numbers of that. But it was bothering him; “How – how can you not know how many are alive!? You only just had one.” You sighed, turning to him – sure enough he was the spitting image of the man who’d pointed a gun at your head. Only now Ralph just looked like he wished he’d pulled the trigger. “What part of monster, or, animal don’t you understand?? We’re not humans, we present as human. There’s no 18 years and close relationships, Ralph. Once they’re ready to leave, they leave. When a bird can fly it leaves the nest. It’s exactly the same – you’re thinking too much about my body not my genetics.” Why was he still so pissed about the whole kids thing, anyway? Why did Ralph care either way about you and your race? You crossed your arms and narrowed your eyes; “As you keep pointing out – Ralph Anderson – I’m not human.” You turned back to Holly, “His name is Aldric. And we have a problem here, his race is like mine – maybe a little worse and certainly faster. I might be bigger, but I’m almost certain he’s older than me.” Ralph scowled from his chair, folding his arms and crossing his legs: “Fucking perfect.” They continued their rounds of questions and you remained to help them work through patterns you could see that they couldn’t. But every time you saw Aldric’s face it jarred you – mating wasn’t the problem, that was a call you had to answer if possible. If their first shifter had been around you’d have still answered it; it was the fact that it had been a relationship, of sorts, first. And you didn’t form friendships with Shifters that did things like this – dead against killing for what it had cost your race in the past. Aldric had passed all your tests, a genuinely upstanding guy – you hadn’t sensed that he was hiding anything – so what had happened? It wasn’t a question you could answer, but one that you desperately needed to know. Nothing like having a second personal stake in all this… Having said that, every time Ralph said something pointed or facetious, you only ever responded cold and emotionlessly; shutting him down at every turn. You weren’t going to let him sit there pretending he was in the clear on this one. You were around the point of calling it quits, when they were all explaining to you where he’d been seen most recently. Currently it didn’t look like he was moving from that city – they all theorised that Aldric was choosing his next victim before he moved on. You couldn’t help but agree, even though you didn’t want to. The next few days would be vital. Although as they continued talking about next steps, you tipped your head and lost yourself in another thought. Was this going to involve killing Aldric? Was that what you wanted? Was it the only way? Could he be brought to justice… could a monster like you ever be brought to that kind of justice? Instead you voiced your question quietly; “Don’t you guys think you’re going to need a lawyer when this blows up?” They turned to each other, and it was obvious that none of them had considered a situation that didn’t end with a body. Yune frowned: “Well there’s always the DA?” Ralph immediately scoffed, “The DA is useless, I still don’t get how he won the election. I don’t trust him with half my shit.” “…Then who!?” Yune was clearly going to keep your spirits up, yet you weren’t under any illusions. Instead you got a bright idea of your own, Hayes: “I know just the guy.” Then it really was late, and you did all have to call it a night. Ralph was the first one to stand, and looked to you, “Well, you can come stay with me.” You looked at him like he was insane, and then laughed, “I’d rather sleep in the car. Or in a jail cell here, than go home with you.” That clearly stung, Ralph wasn’t expecting it. But you had enough doubts about this detective not to take him up on it. You didn’t want to be in that house, and certainly not with him. Ralph was making his feelings for you quite obvious and if the last five years had changed his stance, he might truly kill you this time. To stop the silence from being any more awkward, Yune stepped in, “It’s okay – you can stay with me. It’ll be fine.” “Oh…” You weren’t sure you expected that, “Thank you.” He nodded his ‘you’re welcome’, “If you’re ready we can go. Be back here bright and early.” You all said your goodbyes, but you paused at the door; “OH! Can I take the map? It might take me all night, but I’ll figure out where he’s likely hiding. Shifters are nothing if not habitual…” “Sure! Thank you, Y/N!” Holly once again beamed as you rolled the map up and smiled back, “No problem. Mutual goals and all that right?” “Mhm, Goodnight Y/N! Don’t stay up too late.” “I’ll try-!” You grinned, “Goodnight, Holly.” The obviousness of you not even acknowledging Ralph, let alone wishing him a goodnight, was not lost on him – you still didn’t care. With the map tucked under your arm, you followed Yune out to the elevators. “You still love her, don’t you?” Ralph’s eyes flicked to Holly, then back to your receding frame – talking to Yune, you seemed so much happier out of this room. Out of Ralph’s presence. The detective chewed his lip, deciding to let his expression answer for him. ***

After staying up most of the night pouring over the map and your laptop, you had a fair idea of where Aldric could be. After all, you knew him, right? At least you thought you did. You were starting to think that the revelations of your ex-partners were becoming a little too much. You left Yune’s house early – just about catching him as you were taking off out the door. Upon asking where you were going, and you announcing you were about to drag the ex-DA into this, he laughed. “Need a lift?” “No. I could use the walk.” “You know where you’re going?” “Mhm. I did the research; I’ll meet you all back at the precinct. Hopefully lawyer in tow.” “Alright, see you soon Y/N… OH!” You turned back at his gentle tug on your sleeve, “It’s good to see you again. I don’t know if I said yet. It’s just real good to have you back.” You let yourself beam, “Thanks Yune… I needed that.” The sign read K.W.S.Hayes and Partners – KWS? Well okay, Mr. Two-Middle-Names. You laughed to yourself as you walked through the front door. You were glad everything was still quiet; you could avoid a lot of people you knew and awkward questions that way. You didn’t even need an appointment. Well, not that you’d let someone who barely looked out of her twenties stop you, with your “I’m an old friend.” Kenneth Hayes jumped, and this time his papers did scatter everywhere. You watched them float to the floor, only wishing it was five years earlier, before your eyes met his again and you closed his door. “How the HELL did you-” “Old friends tends to get me places.” “Jesus, who let you back into Cherokee City?!” “I’m not in your office to do anything but get you on this case.” He hesitated, “What case?” “Surprise, surprise, there’s another of me out there and your PD want my help.” There was too long a pause and you knew that he was only pretending to be disinterested, “No thanks, isn’t that a DA role?” You folded your arms, “They left you in the dark last time. I won’t let them do it again. Besides, I hear the current DA isn’t so hot and I KNOW a good lawyer when I see one.” He squinted at you for a moment, then scoffed, very nearly disgusted. “Find someone else.” “Don’t misunderstand me, Hayes.” You took a step, eyes flashing. “I don’t just want you on this case, they need you on this case. And if I have to drag you across town to the PD kicking and screaming… well…” You indicated to yourself, knowing that would explain enough. Hayes swallowed, accepting his fate, “When do we start?” You smirked, “Oh baby, the fun has already begun!” As you might expect, and they probably expected to from their previous experience, there was a good network of caves on both sides of the city and scores of abandoned buildings grouped together - from what you’d been able to gather, also fairly overgrown. “But he’s older than you.” “It’s habitual.” At this point you were getting sick of Ralph questioning everything that came out of your mouth, and were sure the other three (now Hayes was up to speed) were sitting there internally groaning ‘ohhh my god, will you two quit it! We got a case to work on.’  “It’s not about the hiding to change, although it may be to do with not wanting to be disturbed. It’s about dragging your prey somewhere quiet. It’s about remaining inconspicuous and in the shadows. None of us grew up in cities and towns, the world simply changed around us. Places like naturally occurring caves are like our ancestral homes.” You tapped the map, “Abandoned shells of buildings are an alright substitute. We all adapted to this sure, but he’s actively killing – and that’s an instinct we evolved with. He’s thinking home. I know it.” You placed your balled fist against your mouth for a moment allowing for a pause for thought; “I can’t get you closer unless we’re actually there, but, once we are it’ll be more accurate. And I can pinpoint exactly where he’s staying – especially considering our history.” “Can he sense… you?” “Possibly. But I doubt he’d think twice about it. He wouldn’t know why I’m there…” Suddenly you found yourself getting disheartened: “I just don’t get it. It’s been the first time in a long while I’ve seen so many of us. Holly you’ve seen three, well four, of us now. How am I’m the only good one? It was never like this. They shouldn’t be the rule.” The silver shine on your eyes was dull as they smarted, and Yune put his hand over yours; “Maybe it’s because you’re the only one left alive old enough to remember the times when you weren’t oppressed. You said it yourself, you don’t know how old he is. Maybe everyone else has heard these stories and wants revenge. Wants to feed on our pain and suffering, because humans caused your entire race pain.” “But how can they not realise that LOVE... love is...” Holly reached for your other hand, understanding what Yune was trying to do; if they lost your help to delusion they would never get anywhere: “But you experienced that. Who’s to say they ever did?” Try as Holly might she was unable to keep her glance off Ralph, who gave Holly a similarly worried look. “But how can they not tell the difference?” “Closed off to it? Maybe they don’t recognise it... maybe pain is so strong that the sustainability of love is not worth it... it doesn’t register.” You took your hands back, not allowing a sob, but rubbing the tears away before they could flow down your cheeks. Too many people were suffering – you had all suffered too but, humans didn’t need to bear the sins of their ancestors. Was there no way to live in harmony? You found yourself crying, not only for your race, but for everyone who had to grieve because of it.

*** You all gave yourselves an hour to get ready, not that you weren’t already living out of a bag. The original idea was the four of you went down and confronted him, as they had done in Tennessee. That this time they’d keep Hayes completely in the loop. The lawyer was already clearly invested, which made you happy, as he shook his head: “I didn’t get involved last time on your decision. I’d quite like to be included this time on my own terms. I can see it through – then I’ll avoid any strange stories floating my way.” He was clearly referring to that Jack Hoskins lie, he nodded to you, “Besides. I trust her.” Your eyebrows raised at this but you bowed your head in thanks. 3 down, 1 to go. Of course he would be the most difficult. Yune let you sit quietly alone as he packed and before you knew it you were standing back in the precinct deciding on whose car was being taken. The final decision landed on Ralph’s and Yune’s, so you split your things and yourselves between the two cars. Obviously, the idea was to keep you and Ralph separate. He wasn’t so happy about that decision and ended up overruling everyone by force; arm out to pin you back against his car. “What are you-” “Nope.” “Ralph!” “They might trust you, but I certainly don’t. You’re coming with me.” His voice was low and left you glaring at him again, he nodded Holly towards Yune’s car but she was hesitant. You took a breath and moved her on instead. “It’s okay Holly, I’ll be okay.” She clearly wasn’t having that, and as Ralph kept you pinned there, you watched her whisper urgently to Yune; you could imagine that she wanted to make sure this car was in sight of theirs the whole time. You drew your eyes away from them and back to your ex-partner, “What, so you can finish what you started?” “Don’t flatter yourself. I swear to God, you even THINK of hurting them.” “Don’t you think I would have done it before now? What is wrong with you?! How can he change your opinion of me so easily?” “You lied to me!” “And you threatened to shoot me twice. You said it yourself Ralph, if you didn’t love me I’d be dead, so you can stop acting like I’M the threat here.” It was strange to be so close to him again, his DNA used to be a part of your everyday existence. By shifting into him so often – and being comfortable there – you’d kept that true. But now he was back this close to you, your body was giving you many different reactions. It was as repulsed by him as it wanted to pull him into you and never let him go. The confusion was not helping you keep control and you knew that silver was burning again by the way distress momentarily flickered over his features. Somehow the car ride wasn’t as tense as you imagined. You supposed there was so much you really had to say to each other, considering the passage of time. Yet neither of you knew how or where to begin; and both of you were guilty of something. For a long time there was silence, before Ralph took a calm breath and broke it. “Why did you come back?” You eyed him curiously, “You needed me. I assumed if you let Yune turn up on my doorstep at all, you were fine with it. I want to stop this as much as you do, even if you don’t believe that.” “You understand why I have trust issues with you, right?” “I think you must understand the same.” Ralph nodded: “As long as we’re on the same page.” There was another pause before he started again, “Five years is a long time to still hate someone.” “I don’t hate you, and I’m certainly not scared of you, but if you touch me I’m gonna throw a fit.” He nodded to the car in front, “Don’t think I haven’t seen Yune checking his mirrors every five seconds and the way Hayes always turns around. They’re watching out for ya.” You lowered your eyes to the floor, and spoke quieter, “I am not to blame for the sins of my race. I wish you’d been able to see past that. But every time you look at me, all I can see is how you feel about them. I’m the rule, Ralph. We’ve never been like this... I guess we’re all just angry.” “All. Including you.” “Understanding, of why humans rose up. We’re not Gods – even if we acted like it. Stories passed through generations; those so twisted by what happened. I get that – it hurt, to be hunted that way. But murdering humans doesn’t help anything. And killing you all now? Children with bad tempers don’t represent my race. And yet will become the poster children.” Ralph shifted in his seat, about as uncomfortably as you might expect, before turning his eyes on you. There really wasn’t a lot you had to ask, he understood what you were getting at. You turned away from him, rubbing your hands together, before moving the same motion to your wrists. It was too painful for him to think of you in handcuffs, so he took another breath and smiled. He was beginning to think that you were as wrong as you were right; no, you weren’t like them, but Ralph considered that you were the exception these days, not the rule. It was unfortunate that the group had dealt with so many bad ones. He was warming to you; it was going to take some time, but he knew he was. He wanted so badly to reach for you and tell you that. But he knew he couldn’t, Ralph Anderson swallowed fixing his eyes back on the road and the car in front just as Yune eyed him again. They didn’t trust him with you either and he had more than proved they had grounds. You should have known that the amicable atmosphere between you wouldn’t last. Your question was innocent enough, he knew you had ‘moved on’ – if that was even a thing your race did; you’d at least have classed yourself in something akin to a relationship with Aldric. He was the father of one of your children after all – but Ralph had kept quiet about his own love life. It’d been five whole years – he might have been older, but that didn’t mean you didn’t know how women looked at him; and with that face? You couldn’t blame them. “Are you single?” He blinked before he answered, slowly, “Yes.” “Huh.” Your mouth became a thin line, nearly a frown, “I’m surprised, I thought it’d be easy for you to move on. Surely all the girls are killing to date you now? Have you been with anyone?” Maybe he had and it hadn’t lasted – it’d been a long time. You were met with immediate hostility: “Well how can I trust anyone is who they say they are after you?!” Feeling that was pretty uncalled for, you shot back, “Don’t blame me for YOUR feelings. You know all the tells. You should have just gone ahead and dated!” Ralph glared at you, it was icy and threatening, causing you to back up against the car door; “Yeah well, I didn’t, did I? I didn’t just go off and fuck someone else. And have kids.” Your eyebrows knitted together in anger, “Screw you Ralph Anderson. You’re the one who said you never wanted to see me again. And I TOLD you, we can’t have children. What is your obsession with that-?! I’m surprised not to find you married with kids the amount you go on about it!!” “Well I’m not, am I?! I don’t just get to choose to do something like that! I accepted we couldn’t have kids, but that’s all bullshit anyway! All you ever did was lie!” “Don’t you put this on me!” You slammed your hand on the dashboard, turning your body fully to him; “WHY DOES IT ALWAYS COME BACK TO THIS, WHEN YOU TOLD ME YOU DIDN’T CARE!!” “Because you can have them!” “Once every 27 years Ralph! And you can’t treat them like human children. They would never stay. You can’t bend them to that, and they wouldn’t be… yours.” “I dunno, surrogacy? Adoption? We never even talked about it.” “Why didn’t you bring that up!? How easy do you think that would be? I don’t… die like you do. I’d live my life with you, and then when you passed on, I’d take a few years and disappear. And then start over. But there’s never going to be another you Ralph. They always warned me about humans, and they were right. But you were worth every fucking second until you tore it all up." “Are you saying this is MY fucking fault!? If you’re at least over 400 then how the hell did you ever think we’d work out?!” “I’d age up with you. It’s easy. Ralph, you never would have noticed. Without him all my little tells are ticks and tricks of the light.” “You bleed blue!” “Well that still took you four years and killing one of us.” Then you remembered, “Fuck, you nicked me, didn’t you? To check that I really was…” You placed your hands over your eyes, groaning, “Why didn’t you just ask?! You could have just asked. And calmly told me to get out… instead you pointed a gun to my head and threw me in a jail cell.” “Y/N-” “No. No.” You protested, “I’m fucking DONE Ralph. Don’t touch me, don’t even talk to me.” You rolled your body away from him and curled yourself up as best you could in the seat, closing your eyes. Hopefully sleep would come quick and would last the rest of the car ride. Hopefully it wouldn’t be plagued with bad dreams… You wouldn’t say that your dreaming was bad, just that your dreams were more content to feed you memories… This one of Aldric, of course. You understood why, perhaps most obviously because you couldn’t wrap your head around his sudden change. Aldric knew all about Ralph Anderson, you were only too happy to share your experiences with someone who understood them. Yet it wasn’t just because you’d told him, but because of your tendency to shift into Ralph: just to hear his voice, or see his face (albeit in a mirror), because you felt safe and comfortable in a body so familiar to you. Ralph looked – and was – a 6ft-odd tall, sure of himself man; no one was going to bother you when you were Ralph Anderson. It was a face Aldric got used to, but saw less and less of the longer he stayed. He counted that as progress, with his best smile. Aldric knew you still had bad days, where you’d lie on the bed and all the mirrors would turn around – humans had scarred you deep, and he didn’t like that much. Unlike everyone else, who would get angry and do something about it, you’d become a little more withdrawn; a mix of heart-break and self-hatred. He’d asked a thousand times ‘why always him’ and it wasn’t a question you could answer. ‘Why someone who caused you so much damage?’ The simple answer wasn’t one you could say out loud: that DNA coded into you was all you had left of him. The long answer would require you spilling to him all your feelings and details of your relationship that were yours to know – and would go unspoken to your grave. The best you could do was shrug; “Because I loved him. He’s just… familiar.” That was a lie too, there was no loved past tense about it. Even if Ralph had uttered that word himself. Aldric took your hand in his, with a gentle sigh: “Isn’t it amazing, over millions of years of our own race’s evolution and countless lifetimes, just how much one man has fucked you up? You’re hung up on one human and four years… in all that you’ve lived. Y/N…  I’m just sorry he did this. Though as if it isn’t something typically human.” He took a breath, gathering your body to his and stroking your hair; “Well. I’m here, for now… and I won’t let them hurt you again.” Aldric was always so nice and gentle with you and just as lovely to the humans you lived around – he never talked about having problems with them, so you doubted it was all a façade. It didn’t make any sense. How can THIS man now be murdering people…!? *** Ralph wasn’t the one who woke you up when you got to your destination, Hayes was. If he was trying to make up for anything, you would call him out on it – but he wasn’t. He was just trying to be a good man – whilst simultaneously checking that his friend was treating you right. You appreciated that they were worried, they didn’t have to care about you. Only that you’d help them solve this – and you would despite Ralph’s treatment of you. Or, in spite of it. In fact they always kept at least a body between you and Ralph, and you wondered exactly who they were protecting; him or you.

 It was late, but you had to strategize and figure out where he was. It wasn’t hard for you, Aldric was everywhere, so whilst the other three were trying to figure out the best and fastest way to hit him, Hayes drove you aimlessly around town. “Where you think he’ll be?” “He’s not in town – but it’s a recent move. I’m certain he based himself here.” “Will he be able to sense you?” “We’ll need a miracle…. My reason for being here could be anything. It’s the rest of you I’m worried about.” You were lying down in the back seat, trying to focus on the signals you could feel and almost taste in the air. That familiarity hurt now as much as Ralph’s did… You pushed your detective back for a minute, why won’t you stay in your godamn lane!, as Hayes took his rings around town further and further out, until you sat bolt upright. “STOP.” You were immediately on edge, too close and too soon. Like your head was spinning. “Woah, you okay!?” Hayes turned in his seat and it was plain to see the tension in your face and body, “Y/N? Is he here!?” You pointed to the map; “Are we leading anywhere?” “Uh…” He picked it up, “Yeah, there’s like an outcropping here…” Hayes jabbed it, “It looks like mountains though, and we are slightly inclining.” He handed it to you and you studied the map hard for a moment, before you traced your finger along what looked like a mountain ridge to one small black dot. “Here.” You turned to the lawyer and for once he didn’t even flinch as your eyes flickered bright silver – was that fear? “Do you have a pen?” “Yeah-!” Of course Hayes had one in his pocket, you put a ring around it and turned to him pushing the map into his chest. “He’s there.” *** Holly was the one in the car with you today, and she took your hand in hers. “You okay?” “No.” You had to be honest and she smiled, squeezing your hand, “Oh, sweetheart… This must be harder for you than anything else.” “What if I’ve always been wrong about my race?” You chewed the inside of your lip. “You’re better than we are, Y/N. Whether you’re the exception or the rule shouldn’t matter, should it, but how good you are. And after what you’ve seen from this particular community… that’s enough to twist anyone up. Yet here you are, still you.” You turned slowly to her, and couldn’t help but smile: “I could say the same for you.” She laughed, “I guess we both understand each other.” “An outsider knows an outsider.” You repeated a phrase of hers that had burned in you then, it held no less significance now. Holly squeezed your hand once more as you seemed to approach the cave entrance – your breath caught again and you tried not to let Aldric flood back: focusing just on Holly and smiling through it, “You got that right!” You slid out of the car with her, watching the guys all gear up just as fast. They would have to work quick and quiet if they were ever going to make it through this alive. You were glad everyone was wearing long sleeves: no one was taking chances. You nearly scoffed as you watched Hayes holster a pistol: “You know how to use that?” “I’m from Georgia, sweetie. Yeah, I do.” You laughed as if that had any merit to it, and Holly cleared her throat, holding a pistol out for you. You raised an eyebrow and grinned, shaking your head; “Honey, all my weapons are in built. I don’t need that.” Yune also sidled over, “And none of us want to see that in action.” “Pray you won’t need to.” “How is he?” “Quiet. If Aldric’s expecting anything he’s not tense, or angry, or frightened. I wouldn’t count on the element of surprise, just assume that he knows.” Ralph seemed to be taking an awful long time about this, and your eyes narrowed at his back, causing the others to turn to him. “Ralph?!” “Yeah, I- you guys go – We’ll bring up the rear.” “We?” “Yeah.” He pointed at you, “We. I want you at the back where I can see you.” “Why?” Although you knew it was a stupid question as soon as you said it and his face darkened, “Okay. Okay, we’ll do this your way.” Although you were loath to point out that if he was scared you were about to team up with Aldric, putting you at the back left the four of them trapped in the middle. It was more likely so Ralph could keep a gun trained on you at all times. You turned to the rest of them, “You guys go. Be careful, maybe two groups would be better, don’t do anything stupid.” They almost couldn’t believe you were agreeing with this, but nodded along – anything so as not to cause a huge argument right in the middle of the operation. They weren’t walking so fast though, clearly not wanting to completely split the group, you assumed that they would wait for you just inside the entrance. You crossed to him: “Is there gonna be a problem with you and me?” “No.” “Ralph you don’t have to lie to me.” “I told you, they might trust you, but I don’t. That’s all there is to it.” You leant against the car, looking dead in his eyes, “How do I know I can trust you?” “You don’t.” And he proved it; all too late did you realise that he’d been ready all along, and before you could stop him, your wrist was cuffed to the door handle. “RALPH!!!” “Shut up, or I really will finish what I started in that field.” He growled, hand over your mouth as you struggled. “You son of a BITCH-! They will DIE without me! What are you doing-!?” “We survived before, sweetheart.” His smile wasn’t friendly, so the pet name wasn’t either, “I don’t trust what you’ll do when you see him, I don’t trust you around him, or us. And I won’t see good people die again on account of YOUR race.” “Are you kidding?! I thought we were getting somewhere, but here come your true fucking colours again!” You pulled against the handcuffs, “Ralph! Let me go!” “No. You’re gonna stay here until we get back. And if we don’t get back, you’re gonna die here.” “What the fuck is your problem!?” He raised an eyebrow, and you realised it was another stupid question. “RALPH!” but he turned and started walking, “Shit! RALPH!!!” You tugged again, foot up against the car, to no avail and the cuff dug in. You rolled your sleeve back, wrist already showing a friction line. “You fucking asshole!” You turned back to watch him walk into the distance, “Are you SO stupid as to kill everyone on account of me-!?” When Ralph reached the group of three waiting just inside the caves, they all peered around for you and simultaneously took a deep breath to give him hell. He held a finger to his lips – knowing that what was waiting for them was far more dangerous. They didn’t need to announce their arrival any more than necessary. “I don’t trust her. Would you? We’ve seen what one of them can do, you think we can handle two of them? I don’t think we can risk it.” And the look on Ralph’s face said no protesting. “Where is she?!” Yune hissed, surprisingly looking the most pissed. Considering he’d tried to do right by you twice before Ralph had decided to screw it up. “Safe. But most certainly in handcuffs, now are we moving or what?!” They all looked to each other before begrudgingly moving on into the caves together, but Yune paused before he allowed Ralph to go any further. “You’re a fucking idiot. You know that?” “I’m doing this for the good of everyone.” Yune rolled his eyes, and muttered something in Spanish that Ralph assumed wasn’t good. “You ever think about her?! Even once?” Ralph gave him a look that shut the conversation down completely. But it couldn’t have juxtaposed the situation more; and his outward attitude was fooling everyone nicely. Of course he had; he was doing it to protect you. *** Focusing on them and their wellbeing became increasingly hard for three reasons. Ralph and your bond wasn’t the strongest, even though you had his DNA in your vein’s – as the group of four traversed deeper you started to lose him. Aldric’s own feelings were giving you unease – pretty sure that he knew you were here, if he hadn’t already he’d become aware of the presence of four human’s soon; without you protecting them you were sure it would become a massacre. And finally, you were trying to concentrate on breaking the cuffs – or the car door, whichever buckled first. Preferably the cuffs though, because hopefully you’d get to drive out of this. You had more strength than a human in you, but all that was helping with was the metal digging deep into your skin; ink blue already ran from your wrist and spotted all over the ground. If you did all die here forensics would have a field day with that. The change happened instantaneously. Aldric’s calm aura became hostile, forcing you to gasp and wheel back to the cave entrance: Guys! Why didn’t Ralph think about this? Aldric was leaving a string of murders, did they really think he would care about 4 bodies in the middle of nowhere. What about your presence; this wasn’t going to end well no matter what way you looked at it. And Ralph - Aldric knew everything about Ralph, if he attacked them your detective would be shown no mercy. You turned back to your handcuffs; “SHIT!” crying in both frustration and the pain of the cut. There was no other way to save them but by shifting completely; reverting back into the real monster they thought you were. To save them you would do anything. To save him- You closed your eyes and breathed deep, inhale, exhale; your eyes reopened to blurred and burning silver reflected back at you, human skin dissipating into something rougher and grey; elongated fingers splicing from five to four digits – this was the first time DNA separation had caused you to feel so dysmorphic. You knew the look you’d see on his face; if he rejected you now…well, hadn’t Ralph already? The metal snapped without you needing to pull as your wrists expanded – body filling out to complete mass. You stepped back, hands down; quadrupedal, and turned towards the cave entrance, sure of yourself enough to sprint towards it. They needed you NOW – or they weren’t leaving this alive. ***

Four beams of light swept in concentric patterns across the floor, walls and ceiling of the cave. It seemed darker and colder than the one they’d confronted the Outsider in. But pretty – patterns in rock cut and smoothed from millenniums of ancient water ways – the paths weren’t narrow though; it didn’t feel half as claustrophobic. There must have been openings they couldn’t see, as the air smelled clean and fresh, and every so often a soft draft would catch them from the depths of the cave. The majority of the time the four remained quiet; and Ralph assured himself that every time one of them shivered it was the cold – and not fear that he was sure all felt. The occasional verbal communication was to check everyone was close; and to agree on which direction to take – it wasn’t hard, Aldric wasn’t trying to cover his tracks. Ralph supposed he didn’t expect to be followed, or he had the confidence to know if he was found he’d just as easily kill those that stumbled on him. But three of them had come across his kind before and lived; the fourth was at least clued up. Ralph Anderson didn’t plan on dying here either. After about half an hour of careful searching they entered a larger cavernous area, much like a room, and all of them froze. To one end was a semi-circular collection of lights; all in the same UV soft white spectrum. Near to those was a heap of blankets, bundled together in organised chaos; but they were within a ring of piled up silt and dirt that covered the floor. Ralph swept his torch but saw no evidence of bones which would suggest food, hunting, more murders – you had said you didn’t need to eat; you could survive on feelings. The Outsider had and you had announced grief as unsustainable… yet Aldric was perhaps different. Able to sustain himself on something else. Aldric also wasn’t ‘a baby…’ Ralph received the feeling that he was being watched all too late, and a cold tremor ran over his body. From one of the darker corners of the room came the sound of shifting rocks, and an animalistic growl. All of them whirled around, torches gathered on two eyes – iridescent silver. “Shit-!” Ralph was the one to voice what they were all feeling as they backed up; all four of them clicked their safety’s off. “This isn’t good right?”  Hayes’ comment was unhelpful, but it was Holly that came back with; “We’ve done this before. We can do it again.” Yune was the only one to glance down; “Uh, guys!” Ralph let the others call attention to whatever he’d found, he was way more concerned with training his gun on this man. Holly and Hayes did, and then gave each other the same look; the prints in the dirt were not feet or shoes, as they had been elsewhere in this cave, but four clawed and elongated. They were in more trouble than they’d realised. As Aldric stepped into the light of both their torches and the semi-circular arrangement, all Ralph could think was someone had smoothed down and elongated the limbs of a blue-grey crocodile. In this form he stood a little higher off the ground than that – and those razor-sharp teeth and talons told the whole story. He was maybe Ralph-and-a-half should he feel the need to stand on two legs; and it was already apparent by the way Aldric moved across the floor that he was deadly fast. Even though the four of them were getting pushed up into the wall, Ralph kept in front; if Aldric came for them he’d sacrifice himself so they could get a good shot or a head start out of here, whatever it took. Aldric growled again, this time as his mouth opened Ralph noticed those needle like teeth had more than one row and the only thing he could think was ‘this is how I die’. Only Aldric did draw himself up onto two legs; ‘Oh no, this is much worse!’ “Do we think guns will work in here!?” Yune was trying to focus on not making his hands shake. “Hell, maybe we’ll at least bury it under rubble!!” Holly’s voice appeared calmer than Ralph would guess she was. Both of them holding up better than the lawyer, whose face was white and Ralph was thinking Hayes regretted his demands to come along. The shifter wound up, muscles in his back legs poised to spring; Ralph’s finger moved from discipline position to his trigger, swallowing hard. They could get through this, they could… even if only three of them made it out alive. This time the creature roared, echo loud, Hayes took a further step back and connected with sharp rock. Nowhere to go. Aldric sprang. The blur of blue and grey was joined by another call. This one different to the one Aldric was emitting: like no known animal on earth. Blood – or assumedly blood – spattered across the ground as Aldric reeled back from the force of the bulkier shape. Larger, spine far more defined down the slope of its back, and not ending in a tail like Aldric did. It turned, face fairly flat, skull round, just as reptilian with the same ghostly silver, needle teeth jutting out at angles and barely containable. Compared to Aldric this creature was much better proportioned, and the power as it launched itself at him again made Ralph glad that wasn’t what they were facing. Claws ripping through Aldric’s arm once more, before the force of its leap had it skittering off in the direction of the lights. “There’s TWO of them now!?” Hayes had finally found a voice, but Yune was smiling; “Of course there’s two of them!” Ralph didn’t understand why it hadn’t clicked with him before and he turned to Yune almost in shock; “Y/N!?” By the time they all turned back, in place of the creature was something a lot more human; panting, balancing gracefully on one hand as you pushed yourself to standing. Brushing your hair back from your face, eyes still that silver, you dusted yourself off, looking to the darker spot you’d pushed Aldric to. Although no one else in the room had eyes good enough to pierce that darkness, you did, and if he went for them again you would step in. Your wrists still ached, and as you shook them out blood cascaded to the floor; what you really wished you were was self-healing. The human laugh emitted from the dark corner had the group looking from you to him and Aldric stepped out of the shadows. Picture perfect as the day he left; the man on the CCTV Holly had identified. “Y/N… I suppose I should have guessed that.” “I don’t see why. After all, I’d never have guessed you’d be out here murdering humans.” “Don’t you preach to me about their race.” Aldric stretched out, placing a hand over his arm; “Man. That smarts; you’re a little sharper than I remember.” You glared, stalking around him so you ended up in front of your friends. …ex-friends. “Why?” “I got tired of the injustices they get away with, that they’ve always got away with because of us. It was time to stand up.” You planted your feet firmly in front of them, stance strong but wide – showing him you could cover all angles. You weren’t sure you were about to accept that as an excuse; you knew the pain he was talking about and you’d never gone there. Aldric merely scoffed; “Really? You would defend them after what they did to you-!? After what this particular man did to you-?!” You held your nerve, not rising to the bait. Ralph Anderson felt four pairs of eyes on him and at least two of them held a degree of hatred, he shuffled uncomfortably for a second, glad he couldn’t see your face. You opted instead for: “I thought I KNEW you-!!! You’re killing people-!? That makes you no better than the shifter that caused all this-!! For godsake Aldric, we have a child!” You stopped yourself from going any further, eyes pulling from his face momentarily as you frowned; what a human thing to say. Aldric wouldn’t give his angle up, and smirked pointedly: “Oh, we all have our weaknesses, darling.” Your eyes widened, for a second your silver was shot with red at the blind anger that overtook you. You hated him for that, for insinuating that Ralph was yours… the problem was Aldric was right, and he knew it. You were defending the man that had intended to kill you, twice, over the one that had cared for you – maybe even loved you for almost as many years. Ralph would never understand you even if he tried and Aldric was the only one who did… Yet here you were, because you just could not let Detective Anderson go. And you would rather die than lose him. “I want real answers Aldric. Even you must know that there’s only two ways this ends.” “As long as both end with him dead, I’ll take my chances.” Jealousy?! Was that it? After all this time…? Aldric looked like he regretted saying it and cleared his throat, “Don’t you ever get tired, Y/N? Of defending everything they do? It’s not just us, it’s the world, every creature will be driven to extinction by the end of this, just like they tried to do to us. With what consequence? We kill a few of them and we’re the ones that end up hunted to our demise in caves.” “It’s murder.” You knew that feeling, you’d felt it many a time but you had never let it consume you, and Aldric had finally let all his hatred take over. “It’s justice. It’s less than they deserve. And I know you see that.” “If we let you go, you’ll just do it again.” “Well then you have a choice to make, Y/N, because I’ll start with your detective’s friends, just so he can watch, and then I’ll end with him. And if I have to go through you, then I’ll make sure you get to see me kill him. Don’t worry, I’ll go slow – make a spectacle. But really I’d rather you didn’t make me kill a member of my own race.” “Stop it.” “You think I won’t go through with this!?” His talons were already elongating and you swallowed hard – there was no choice, you were standing here because you’d already made it. “Y/N…” Holly tried once, but you shook your head. “Go.” “What?!” “All of you get out of here.” You too entered that between transition: not human, not monster. “Y/N, We’re not leaving you.” Yune didn’t seem like the type to make such a stupid comment, but here he was. “If you don’t leave, you will get caught up in this and you will die. I’m not prepared to take any kind of risk. GO!” Now your voice fluctuated into more of a growl. “As soon as I’m done with you, I’m dragging your detective back here screaming and begging for his life.” Aldric’s eyes were hard. He was glaring through you at Ralph, who was urging the others to leave, and quickly. “You’re not going to fucking touch him.” You heard them shuffle away, catching them in your peripheral, Ralph last. He stilled for a minute and turned back to catch your eye. You gave him five seconds of satisfaction and locked with him – Ralph opened his mouth; you had no idea what to say. If it would even be of consequence, if it would be what you so desperately wanted. Or just good luck, will you be okay, do you want help, do you need this gun? Whatever it was neither of you had time for, and you gave a slight shake of your head. This time his face changed, not stoic, not mad at you, but startlingly apologetic. I’m sorry - two words he’d never got to say, before Ralph backed up, and faded into darkness. You turned back to Aldric, who had been privy to the whole exchange. “Un-fucking-belivable. You still love him.” “You said it yourself, we all have our weaknesses.” You couldn’t deny it. Aldric sneered: “I mean it, when I have you close enough to death to be immobilised, I’ll kill the other three – perhaps even mercifully. Then I will drag his body back in here and it will give me no greater pleasure than to gut him in front of you.” Then he smiled, and it was frightening, wild, one you might expect out of such a killer. “Heck, maybe I’ll even eat this one.” It was the last thing he said before you saw red, and lunged for him. ***

Once outside the group of four weren’t about to admit how in over their heads they were. Scrambling to set up behind cars, weapons trained on the cave entrance. “That was crazy.” Holly was the only one who thought about talking, “You think the one in Tennessee could do that!?” “Maybe…” Yune’s arm twinged at the thought of that particular shootout; “But clearly a lot slower… Ralph!” Detective Anderson by this time was back by his own car; handcuffs in bits, but the blue that covered the floor had him more concerned, and he shifted the dirt around to cover it up. “I’m coming-! Just let me get rid of her DNA…” The other three exchanged looks; now he cares? Or did he always care? Ralph pulled open his trunk and gathered spare guns, before settling with them behind the car. “How long do you think it’ll take?” “We have no way of knowing. They looked so different… But I’m thinking those scratches she gave him were nothing more than grazes. Warnings…” Holly mused, hand over her heart – it was beating far too fast, “It could be a while.” “Maybe we’ll lose both.” Yune’s muse was sad, and he hoped against hope that wouldn’t happen. He still wasn’t prepared to count you amongst them, even when you were one. Hayes’ eyes had hardly left the cave mouth; “Have we considered what happens if the wrong one makes it?” “Give it hell.” Ralph voice nearly shook with anger, and Holly and Yune once again raised eyebrows. Seemed Ralph Anderson wasn’t about to hide his feelings anymore. “…We can’t let it get out of here.” “Especially not if it’s killed her, right?” Yune looked across to him, almost smirking. Ralph didn’t verbally respond, but the nod was enough. It wasn’t long before they were met with a shuffling sound, and the scattering of rocks as they were kicked out of the way by tired feet. “That’s two legs, right?” “With the echo it’s hard to tell.” Holly and Yune listened harder; half minded to throw the safety on. But they both knew that your race could be tricksy; there was no way they could risk that move. “It sounds hurt.” Hayes’ mouth pressed into a thin line, “Let’s just hope we want to help it!” Sure enough eventually it was you that hobbled into view; though in the state you were in it really could have been anyone. Covered in red and blue blood from head to foot you were clutching your right arm, which seemed to be hanging fairly uselessly by your side, and you were certainly limping. Honestly, between the four of them it was hard to tell who was the most overjoyed – despite the initial reaction of horror at your presentation, they were all grateful to see you standing there. The way you felt could not be more different. There wasn’t a part of you that didn’t hurt, physically and emotionally. At this point there probably wasn’t much of you that wasn’t bleeding. And despite the fact that walking back to the entrance all you could think was ‘He had it coming. He brought it upon himself. He’d kill your friends if you’d have let him go. He’d have done WORSE’. You still lamented at having to kill yet another shapeshifter just to protect them. They were good people, and he was a murderer that much was true; but it was affecting you deeply. Aldric and you had created a life together – and your heart was broken. Yet another one of an ancient species struck from existence – maybe you were all too dangerous to be kept alive… Even when you were trying to do good. Your eyes were still shining in silver, but part of that could have been accented by the blur of tears. Ralph Anderson had never felt like a bigger fucking idiot.  For a moment you had never looked more stunning or beautiful, even though you were injured, limping, covered in blood and still seemed like a threat – more than one shifter tell still in play. Therefore Ralph was the first one to move from behind the car, running across the path to you. The movement itself spiked your adrenaline, body throwing you into a defensive stance as he slowed to a stop beside you. Your eyes were hard and cold: somehow you were also scarier than any time he’d previously seen you like this. The power in you to still be standing right now; how many years and lives you’d lived to be here right now, with him. Just human. Flesh and blood and bone and nothing all that special compared to what was in front of him. You’d given him your heart and he’d never really returned it. Ralph got the feeling you’d never wanted it back. You stood for a few seconds, feeling like far longer, staring at each other. It felt like you were between saying something snarky to him, or half expecting him to shoot one of his many you’re not human phrases at you. He wanted to, of course he did, but not for any reason you’d think. Instead neither happened, and Ralph grabbed you, one hand into your hair and one on the small of your back, his lips crashed onto yours. You made one small noise of surprise and complaint, before you pushed through the pain; closing your eyes and letting tears run. Just about able to tangle your left hand in his jacket as he supported your body. The (arguably) best four years of your life flooded your head immediately. It had been so long that his kiss felt foreign, even though it was so familiar. How many times had you relived this… wished for this in your head? Granted, this was never exactly how it happened – but then in your wildest dreams you weren’t sure you’d ever expected it to happen. Ralph didn’t care that there was blood all over you, that all he could taste was metallic, a little too much iron, flavours he’d never tasted in his life – he’d attribute that to your non-human DNA – he needed that kiss. YOU needed that kiss. He loved you. He loved you so much, he always had. It had prevented him from pulling the trigger twice – but it was also why he had so much anger and felt so much heartbreak. Why he was so glad that you were here right now. He broke the kiss slow and delicate, so as not to hurt you anymore, but didn’t exactly pull back; his forehead against yours as you opened your eyes. Ralph was crying, and you knew why, you knew exactly where this was going and you’d let him say what he thought he had to. “I’m sorry… I’m so, so sorry… Y/N… I… I don’t know how you’re ever going to forgive me. And Geez, if you never do then I get it. I don’t deserve you to, but I…” he shook his head “I never stopped loving you. I didn’t. I don’t know if I hated you because of that, or… because what I’d caused to happen. I’m not worthy of your forgiveness either, but- I’m sorry… I just… I’m so sorry.” You did pull slightly away from him, eyes returning to a far more natural colour as you studied Ralph hard. There was a lot you had to say; certainly nothing that could be fixed with the words or kisses that spilled from his lips. Ralph Anderson would, in time, earn your trust back. But he’d never lose your love – and he knew that, somewhere in his heart he knew that. You sighed; “Don’t you think it’s a little too late for sorry?” You shook your head, but as you stilled, you smiled: “I forgive you...” “C-Can we go home? C-can we start over?” “Home?” You tilted your head, “You may take me back to Cherokee City. But as for your other request, I’d quite like to pick up where we left off, Ralph Anderson.” “I…I think I can do that.” “Wait- I have a request of my own.” You took those steps back into his body. “Yes?” “Kiss me, again?” You nearly got a laugh out of him, and you would take it, as his arms wound around you again and you felt his lips back on yours. Your relationship would have to heal, but would probably take a little less time to do so than your body would. There would be a lot of learning to be done; but you could both do it. You could both fix your mistakes. There was a light at the end of that tunnel and you could walk through this together. In all your lifetimes, every lover that had come and gone no matter how long or short, you’d known as soon as you met him that there would never be another Ralph Anderson. And you were right. But there was no one else’s hand you would rather be holding down this road. And you couldn’t wait to live the rest of his life with him.

---

I know this one is a big one but thank you SO much for reading it!🙊💕 It really does mean the world to me, and if you can give this series some love I’d really appreciate it, I do feel like this is some of my best writing...

You guys are so great! Thank you for sticking with me!

[jawritter]

Middle of the Road

Dean x Read

Word count: 2180 roughly

**Warnings** Dean’s a little bit of a dick. Angst. Language. Unrequited love. (Kind of) Fluff, if you look really, really hard lol. If I missed anything I’ll go back and add it.

A/N: All mistakes are mine! I try and proofread, but we’re all human and miss some lol. Hope you all enjoy this one!! I don’t have any tag list set up, so if you want to be added to a tag list let me know!

**Gif, not mine! Credit to the owner!**

It was cold this morning in the bunker that you'd been calling home for a little over a year now. Dean and Sam were working a case in Knoxville, Tn. Dean had gotten into an argument with Sam and took off for the local watering hole. On his way back to the hotel sometime later he saw you laying on the side of the road unconscious. 

Normally he would have just called an ambulance, and unless it was anything beyond the normal he would have left you for the paramedics to pick up and take care of. You were different though. He just couldn't leave you there. So he loaded you up in the impala and brought you back to the hotel with them. 

Even though you have very little memory of the events a Djinn had gotten to your family, and somehow you'd escaped, but your family hadn't been so lucky. 

You'd been with the boys ever since. 

You had, had a thing for Dean ever since you'd came to in the hotel room with him sitting on the foot of your bed and those astonishing green orbs staring at you. You were doomed from that point. There was no point in trying to deny it. 

Still, you kept your feelings to yourself... 

"Y/n! You still with us?" Sam said. Snapping his fingers in front of you face. You look up to see Sam and Dean staring at you. Obviously waiting for the answer to a question you hadn't heard them ask. 

"I'm sorry what?" you say, rubbing your hand over your eyes. 

"I said we're going down to the bar for a few drinks. Deans getting cabin fever just sitting here. You wanna come?" he asked, Dean just stood there staring at you, saying nothing, stoned faced. 

He'd been in a pretty horrible mood since Sam and himself had gotten home from the last case that they'd worked together. 

It was in South Dakota, and Dean always hated going back to Sioux Falls. It usually brought back a lot of painful memories of people that he'd lost and missed.

"Sure. I guess I'll go," you said, standing and following the boys to the car. You hated going out to the bar and watching Dean try and seduce these bar room wonders just for a round or two to blow off some steam with some slut that could care less about him. 

Still, you knew that they didn't like you being here alone. 

Less than an hour later you sat on a bar stool nursing a beer and staring at Dean and some whore he was working on while you sat there in your own self petty and loathing. 

Why were you so afraid to tell Dean how you feel? Why did you punish yourself by coming out here to watch this? You knew what the outcome would be. Dean would go home with some slut and you'd go home to your room alone. 

Sam came and flopped down on the barstool next to you. "Looks like Dean's got a winner over there," Sam said, you didn't miss the sarcastic tone in his voice.

 "Oh yeah. A real winner," you said, tearing your eyes away from the two of them as Dean worked at performing a tonsillectomy on that chick that was around his neck. 

"Why don't you just tell Dean how you feel. He might surprise you." Sam said, making you chock on the beer you were nursing. 

"Excuse me?"

 "You heard me. You're not as good at hiding it as I think you are. I see you watching him. I know you've got feelings for him." 

You sat there and stared at him, ashen-faced. "I don't think I can Sam. What if he doesn't feel the same way about me," you said. 

About that time another girl came and latched herself to Sam's arm. Dragging him off to a quiet corner of the bar to do Chuck knows what. 

You put your head down on the bar. Maybe you should just go home. The bunker was walking distance from here anyway. 

Getting up from the stool you run headlong into the massive chest of Dean. Stumbling back he catches you to keep you from falling on your ass.

 "Woah Y/N where you going?" Dean says, smirking at you a little. 

It was a little thing. It shouldn't have gotten to you the way it did, but it did. Probably because his little whore was standing right on his shoulder snickering at you.

"Home," you say in a small voice, looking down at your feet. Feeling angry and embarrassed all at once. You didn't want to fight with Dean though. Not here. Not at all really. You just didn't have it in you. 

"Home?" you heard the little whore say. "What does she mean home? You didn't tell me you already had a girlfriend Dean," she said, taking a step back from him.

 'Well, what do you know, a whore with standards. Shocking,' you think to yourself. 

Dean threw his head back laughing. 

"Babe she's not my girlfriend or anything else for that matter. She's just a live-in that my brother and I found on the side of the road a year ago. We felt sorry for her and took her in. That's all." 

That stung.

 You stood there still looking at the ground as Dean turned and put his arm around the woman next to him.

 "Besides, do you think I'd really sleep with someone like her? She's not really my type Babe." 

That did it. 

You couldn't take it anymore. 

Raring back you slapped Dean hard in the face. He stumbled back in shock and grabbed the side of his face your hand had made contact with. 

"Y/n?!" he yelled at you, but you just shoved passed him before the tears started falling and ran out of the bar. 

You were walking down the road toward the bunker in blind tears. Dean's words echoing loudly in your head. 

You knew he didn't care about you, but to hear him say it out loud. Like you where just some live in. Like you where just some burden to him. Something he like a stray dog he picked up on the side of the road and now he can't get rid of. 

You see headlights coming up the road beside you and hear the distinct roar of the impala as it pulled up next to you. 

"Y/n get in the car." Dean's voice said, he sounded angry, but you really couldn't tell. You couldn't bring yourself to look at him, and at this point, you were sobbing uncontrollably. Dean was still driving slowly alongside of you as you walked down the side of the road toward the bunker.

 "Y/N, please! Come on we need to talk!" he said, his voice sounded a little softer. 

Still, you couldn't bring yourself to look at him. You didn't want his petty, you didn't want to be a burden to him anymore. You were just going to pack your bags and leave tonight. That way he wouldn't have a stray to worry about.

You heard the roar of the impala's engine as Dean speed a few feet ahead of you and stop the car. Blocking the road.

You stepped to the side. Now walking in the grass in an attempt to just walk around the front of the car, but a strong arm around your waist stopped your progress. Damn, he was fast. 

"Y/N! Stop damn it please!" 

You didn't understand why he was still yelling for you to stop. You obviously couldn't move with his arm firmly holding you in place. You still wouldn't look at him though. 

"Y/N I'm sorry, please look at me. I just told that girl that shit so she would sleep with me. I didn't realize it would hurt you." 

He put his hand softly on the side of your face, willing you to look at him. 

All the times you dreamed about him doing that, it wasn't like this. There was a visible red mark that for sure was going to be a slight bruise on the side of his face. His eyes where softer though. Softer than they were in the bar. He looked at you like he was either in shock or about to cry himself. 

Stepping back out of his arms you just stared at him. He backed up a little. Like you stepping away from him was a stronger slap than anything you'd done in the bar. Tears were falling freely. You where hurt and embarrassed, and you just couldn't have this conversation with him right now.

"You don't have to apologize to me Dean out of guilt. I'll pack my stuff and be out of your hair in the morning," you said, turning to go but he caught you again. A look of shock and regret etched in his angle like features. 

"No. No, you can't do that I won't let you," he said, pulling you to him. You tried to jerk away from him, but he had pulled you really close to his chest. Holding you in place. 

"Y/n please believe me. I didn't mean a word of what I told that girl in that bar. Baby... Do you really think I would have brought you back with me the night I found you if I would have thought that about you? Shit y/n I brought you back because I hoped that you would feel the same way about me that I felt the night I found you."

Pulling you closer to him if that where possible with on arm he put the other on the side of his face. 

"I thought you didn't care about me the way I did you. So I gave you your space, hoping I would win you over to me in time. Then a year passed and you just kept getting more and more distant from me. So I thought you didn't like me at all, and if I lied to that girl It wouldn't hurt you. Y/n I'm so, so sorry." 

You finally made yourself look him in the eye. A single tear was rolling down his face. His eyes searching you. Praying he hadn't completely fucked up as bad as it looked to him like he did. 

"Y/n I'm going to need you to come clean to me right now. Do you have feelings for me?" 

You stood there shocked and unable to speak. This is not what you expected when the Impala pulled up beside you just a few minutes ago. 

You blinked blindly at him. Tears still falling down your face. You opened your mouth to answer him, knowing that if you didn't come clean right now your chances with him where shot forever. 

You tried to speak, but nothing came out. So you did the only thing you could do.

Nod. 

As soon as you did Dean's lips crashed into yours. For just a moment you where so shocked that you just stood there like an idiot. 

Quickly though your body took over where your mind had frozen and you returned the kiss. Slowly. Gently. At first. Then he deepened the kiss. Running his tongue along your lip. Begging you for entrance which you granted him. He tasted like whiskey and spearmint gum. The smell of his cologne engulfing you. His strong arms holding as close to him as humanly possible as his tongue explored all the places you'd spent nights dreaming it would. 

He was everything you imagined and then some. It didn't matter that the two of you were standing in the middle of the road. 

You couldn't think clearly enough at that moment to remember why you were even there in the first place. 

The only thing that did matter was Dean's lips on yours. The way his chiseled chest felt pressed against yours. 

Finally breaking the kiss the two of you parted panting. Staring into each other. Something had changed in the two of you at that moment. It was like standing on the edge of the grand canyon and taking a leap. 

There was no stopping, and there was no going back.

"You have NO idea how long I've wanted to do that," Dean said, his voice raspy and weaker than you would have thought it would be. 

"You and me both," was all you could manage to stutter out. 

Your mind more how his taste lingered on your lips than what you were actually saying.

Silently Dean grabbed your hand and led you to the passenger side of the Impala and opened the door for you. You slid in without a fight. You didn't know what was going to happen to you and Dean. Part of you was screaming that you were just going to get hurt.

Then there was a part of you that was screaming at you to stop worrying about the landing and just enjoy the fall.

[fictionalplagueproductions]

If The World Was Ending

Part 2 - It Didn’t Scare Me

Part 1    Part 2    Part 3

Story Summary:  Gavin is on the hunt for his missing android when the U.S. Government announces the end of the world. The end of his world. A world without his precious Nines.

Chapter Summary: Connor has managed to escape the clutches of android genocide, but Gavin isn't sure if the same can be said for Nines.

Pairing: Reed900 (Gavin Reed x RK900)

Rating: Explicit

Notes:

Based on the song “If the World Was Ending” by JP Saxe and Julia Michaels.

Short Three-Part Story (so I can channel this desire to make Reed900 come alive)

The progress of Gavin’s relationship with Nines was practically nonexistent. Between a man who refused to admit to his faults and an android built without social protocols, it was near impossible to get anything to happen. Not to mention, android prejudice was becoming a real threat for androids and their sympathizers.

Jim Crow laws had nothing on the division that androids were undergoing now, being collected and forced into the entire state of Michigan, that is. The government called it a “remedial period” in order to adjust to android integration and develop the proper rights specific to robotic sentients. Humans were allowed to stay if they elected to; some left, most begrudgingly stayed due to the inconvenience of moving.

There had been a few brave souls to come out about their relationships with the opposing species during this time. Gavin and Nines weren’t one of them. Rather, Gavin had not been. Although fresh into deviation, Nines was willfully blind to the hatred that people inflicted upon androids (despite the illegality of it). He had been prepared to tell the entire precinct the day they first kissed but didn’t per Gavin’s request.

He wasn’t ready.

Setting aside political excuses, Gavin was his own relationship inhibitor. Commencing these romantic interests with Nines was refuting the false exterior he had displayed for so long. Coming out to the world would create problems he was dead set on carrying with him to the grave. He had upkept a heterosexual reputation for so long, he wasn’t sure how to be anything else around his family and coworkers without embarrassing himself by mocking silly stereotypes. It didn’t help that Gavin was notorious for being against androids – what insults would he be subject to if they all knew?

As anyone might guess, there was hardly a “honeymoon phase” for the private couple. What they considered “dates” would have been any ordinary lunch break or sleepover for the typical person. It’s not that they didn’t enjoy the time they spent together, but it was always anti-climactic and never much contributed to the progression of their relationship.

For several months, doubt stacked against them.

It became second nature to squabble with one another when they crossed paths merely to maintain utmost confidentiality. They had both agreed the effectiveness of this plan; it was the safest preventative measure to anyone discovering the truth. And besides, the feelings of hate for each other would always subside by the end of the day. As soon as the pair stepped into Gavin’s rust-bucket-on-wheels, Nines’ attitude melted like nothing offensive had transpired from his mouth in the last twelve hours.

Gavin could forget for a while. Especially when Nines stared at him in that special way… that pleading, merciful stare which signified he was about to kiss him. Yes, he could forget entirely.

Until one day he couldn’t: a day in which he had found himself lying on Hank Anderson’s living room sofa.

“You don’t have to sit all the way over there, you know? They’ll be out of town for the entire weekend,” Nines had said. “I have their GPS locations, too, in case any plans have been changed.”

Gavin believed his android. That’s not why he distanced himself. “I know,” he mumbled, slaving his eyes to the television.

Nines was silent for several minutes. “I don’t want to do this anymore,” came his contingent response.

The heartbeat indicating Gavin’s pressing existence quickened under the flatline of words. He was sure Nines could and had picked up on it. “Do what?” he snapped back, though his misleading disruptive tone did not match the building fear within him.

“I don’t want to keep pretending.” The android pierced him with a sharp glare. “I don’t like hating you. I was programmed to be emotionless in spite of personifying assimilations. Do you know how difficult it is to override such programs and to express emotions anyway? To feel emotions? Wasting my energy on an action that I have no desire to perform is exhaustive and it confuses my ability to love you.”

Gavin sputtered, “Did you just say ‘lo-’.”

“Please Gavin,” interrupted Nines. He was undeniably aggravated. “It’s put distance between us. I know I have little knowledge and experiences with ‘dating’, but I know that it’s typical to have a common goal of becoming familiar with a chosen partner and sharing such feelings with one another. As far as we’re concerned, we’ve hardly done anything of the sort. I mean, look at you, you’re sitting all the way over there…” Despite the stolidity in his demeanors, his voice cracked for the very first time Gavin had ever witnessed. “…and I want you over here.”

Gavin was no sympathy-cryer, but it was becoming apparent how little credit he gave Nines. He swallowed the building tears down to speak. “I…uh…I didn’t know you were feeling all of this.”

Nines scowled. “I may not be well-versed in the ways of acting the part of ‘boyfriend’, but I thought it was an obvious concept that lovers should want to enjoy their time with each other. I had hoped that this weekend we might have the opportunity to overcome some barriers, that you might be able to tell me you’re ready. I….I… never thought I would be the one stupidly pining over an emotional skin-sack to make some sort of romantic gesture.” He was raising his voice now. “I felt closer to you when you actually hated me before any of this.”

Gavin sunk into the cushions, absorbing the uncertainty his android was exuding all of a sudden. How had he not realized? Nines had always appeared so self-assured about everything. How was he supposed to have realized? His voice relinquished an untrying defeat, “I-I’m sorry. Fuck, I don’t know what to do. I’ve always been so terrible…”

“At relationships or in general?” asked Nines, though his facial expression did not indicate a cynical undertone.

“Both,” he heaved. “Nines?”

“Hm?”

Gavin shifted uncomfortably under the burden of his thoughts. “Do you…ahem…uh, love me?”

“Of course, I do.” The android rolled his eyes as if the answer was an obvious one. “What’s this all been about if not for love?”

A growing pause erupted between them, then was broken by the anguished man. “H-How long?”

Nines, all of a sudden, seemed to comprehend the weight of his words and moved his lips apprehensively before speaking their contents.  “Some time ago, I suppose. It wasn’t a concept I understood well until Connor pressed me to study and indulge in human culture. For a long time, until then, you were just Detective Reed. And then…”

He slowed to a stop, now staring through Gavin as if recalling the memory. His menacing ring spun red and Gavin half-expected for the android to blow a gasket at the bunched skin forming along his forehead.  “…You told me to ‘go fuck myself’ for the one-hundred-and-twentieth time after I had informed you that patching my wounds with bandages and alcohol was futile. Your profane terms, I then realized, came from an endearing place… I found myself considering your actions, thereafter, studying you more than I typically would another human. It eventually led to my affections for you. Why do you ask?”

Gavin, himself, remembered that alarming day like it had happened just yesterday. It was the day he, too, realized he had grown to not regret the android’s presence. “The bullet didn’t hit a biocomponent, Detective Reed,” Nines had groaned. In that moment, the simulated pain erupting from his partner’s movements embodied that of a true human. It was more than convincing, so much so that Gavin was still very much convinced to this day that he was, in fact, human.

“That-That is a big word, Nines. It’s…not just ‘like’. It’s a complicated word.” He couldn’t bring himself to say it again. It was a word that burned his tongue every time it bugged up his throat; a humiliating form of gutting your innards and displaying them to the world.

His android considered this for a moment. “Love is described in several different ways, existing dependently on the perception of a person and what they value in another. I value your stubborn loyalty, Gavin, and the way you stupidly care for my wellbeing.” Another pause. “Do you love me, Gavin?”

That damned word roared through Gavin’s head, stirring in disbelief that someone had the ability to say it so confidently; and to have someone so perfect say it to him… Could he say it back? Could he even push the syllable through his lips? As bitter as it tasted, his response was not a matter of knowing the answer, but rather recognizing the consequences that accompanied his candor.

Could he say it?

“Yeah,” he exhaled, then corrected with a stronger “yes.” An immediate blush flushed from his ears to his toes. What an idiot, he had thought to himself immediately. Somehow, the admittance attracted more humility.

Nines smiled but made haste in his following words: “I’ve been an obedient android for most of my short life,” he spoke rigidly. “Now, I have to demand of you that things change if our relationship is to advance into more intimate parameters. You may have some time to figure out how you desire to go about it, but I require it to be within the next thirty days.” Regardless of his human’s wandering eyes, Nines coerced them to land safely on his own. “I love you, Gavin,” he said firmly, lulling into a softer tone. “I love you and I want more than this silly scheme you’re trying to conduct.”

“It’s not that eas-” Gavin tried, quickly cut off by his partner.

“I’m sorry, I can’t hear a single word you say when you’re sitting all the way over there!”

The android smirked, knowing his partner was fully aware of his keen hearing abilities. Bullheadedly, Gavin remained glued to his spot. “Okay,” hummed Nines, shifting onto all fours and crawling overtop of his human’s sprawled body. He slipped a palm underneath the awaiting man’s chin and flickered a glance to his lips. “You know I always get my way, why do you beset me to this tactic every time?”

Gavin turned away, forcing himself not to fall for the android’s seductive touch.

“That’s never worked either.” Nines fixed the man’s gaze back onto him with a gentle press against his cheek. “Gavin? I’m not asking. I may be android, but my deviancy is as untame as your own human chaos. And you’re not alone. I will help you through this.”

Gavin bit at his lip, still attempting to avoid eye contact but ultimately unable to resist the reflective pools pouring infirmity into him. “All right,” he breathed. “I-I’ll do it.”

It was the right answer. Nines had never been the greatest at reading into signs, but he was sure now – without the aid of dubious internet forums – that he should kiss this man that he loved. And he reminded this man that he loved him as he planted his lips gently onto his taut skin. Afterwards, Nines leaned back, gazing at his boyfriend expectantly. “I love you, too,” said he finally, cracking a genuine smile for possibly the first time in days.

Clearly satisfied, Nines hooked around Gavin’s jawline and dove down to meet him hungrily, asking now for a more invigorating stimulation. He shivered when fingers snaked through his synthetic locks, returning the intimate gesture.

Making out was about as far as they had ever gone. Keeping things a secret on top of their natural boundaries made for uneventful cock-blocks. But after everything that had ensued, Gavin was ready to take it to the next level.

Everyone would know about them by the end of the week, anyway; he would tell them all. Nines, the “socially inept” android wanted to be his boyfriend publicly. How could Gavin say no to such requests when his partner had already overcome a great feat himself? It was his turn, now.

Shit, Nines loved him.

From below, he slipped a clutching hand beneath the android’s indigo turtleneck and sunk fingernails into plastic skin that felt so real. Nines copied the action from on top of him. They were mostly motionless save for their conjoined mouths, and the lack of bodily movement didn’t concern Gavin at first. But when his android let a grunt slip, there was no restraining the leg that mounted over Nines’ ass and the upward thrust that grew Gavin to the vastness of his length. He wasn’t sure if Nines knew how to properly reciprocate, though Gavin was more than happy to continue to oblige in the repetitive movements.

The body became stiff above him and it fell in response. Not quite what he was expecting.

Nines then dropped into dead weight altogether, halting Gavin’s accelerating speed. “I don’t know what you want.”

“What do you mean?” asked Gavin. He thought it had been more than obvious what he was trying to segue into. After the bathroom incident, Gavin had ignorantly assumed all androids were capable of “doing it”. Had he been wrong? “Can you not-?”

“I can perform sexual actions, if that’s what you mean. It’s just, I’m not yet equipped.”

“Oh.” His wonder did not end there, curious as to how the part would attach and what was in place of the regular male form. Gavin imagined a bare Ken Doll, nakedly plastic in all its glory, sporting a mere bulge with no real appendage to put on display. The fickle state his android appeared to be in, however, told him tonight wasn’t the night to pry about such curiosities. “That’s okay, I was feeling tired anyways. Let’s just finish this movie.”

The android hesitated before sliding off of him and positioning himself along the edge of the couch, allowing himself to be encompassed by Gavin’s smaller yet protective frame. Although Gavin had hoped for more after exchanging such heavy vows, having his boyfriend back in his arms was satisfying enough. He fastened himself tightly around Nines like he would dissipate into thin air and rested a chin neatly over his blue LED.

Moments passed, then it flickered red. “Gavin? I’m still aroused, you know? After all, endorphins – human and android – aren’t produced in the genitalia.”

“What’re you trying to say?”

“I’m saying,” continued Nines with a growing devious grin, “that just because one of us doesn’t have the part, doesn’t mean we can’t still have a pleasing night.” The android looked over his shoulder at his human, feeling a lump beginning to swell against his backside.

Gavin felt his breath go hot as Nines shifted to face him, his expression spoiled with desire.

They had sex for the very first time on Hank Anderson’s couch.

A week later, Gavin was regretting the memory. Not because it wasn’t a pleasant one – in fact, it was so pleasant that, despite the harrowing circumstances, a warmth built in his groin when Connor invited him to take a seat in the exact spot that Nines had been bent over for him. But the feeling did not last long, soon replaced by a pang of melancholy.

Where was Nines now and why wasn’t he with Connor?

“I thought you knew?” asked the RK800. “He was with you last night when they broke the news…” He sat across from Gavin on the love seat.

“W-What? No he wasn’t-.”

Connor dismissed him with a wave of his hand. “Nines isn’t that sneaky. Even in my stasis, I could hear him fumbling with the doorknob. ‘Faster, stronger, and more resilient’, sure, but not a single drop of stealth thirium in him,” he snickered as a side-note. “He also hates lying, so he had a shaky alibi at best when I questioned his whereabouts. I was able to eventually put two-and-two together when your bickering increased excessively, assisted by no considerable motive.” Through a heavy frown, the older android managed to yank a line into the end where his lips met and grinned at the reddening man. “Did I crack the case, Detective?”

Gavin moaned, “I didn’t come here to play games. Look, even if all that were true – which I’m not saying it is – I just want to know where he is.” Desperation edged into his voice. “O-Or to know that he’s safe.”

“I wish I could say that he is. He…He left a few hours ago.”

“What?” Gavin nearly jumped out of his seat. “Where did he go? It’s not safe for him out there right now!”

“I know that. He chose to leave on his own accord. We share many qualities, but while hiding out here, he came to this strange conclusion that androids weren’t meant to coexist with humans. He thinks androids are the reason the country has become divided.” After every word that fell from Connor’s mouth, Gavin’s hope strained like a game of Jenga; a slow removal, piece-by-piece, that would inevitably lead to a thundering tumble. “He said it was for the best that everything was happening the way it was…”

“Spit it out already, Tin Can. Where’d he go?”

Connor choked on his final sentence, somehow appearing shocked by the words ghosting in his throat. “Nines turned himself into the nearest camp.”

In all his years of detective work, Gavin would never have suspected an android such as Nines to act as a martyr for his entire race. No, scratch that; this wasn’t a martyr. How could that be so if Nines was against his own kind?

“Why didn’t you stop him?” Gavin entered into a growl, targeting Connor now. The android seemed torn up about it as much as he was, but his was the only face he could put forth blame.

“I tried, Gavin, but you know Nines as well as I do, if not better. When his mind is made up…well, I guess you guys really made quite the match.”

“Yeah…” was all he could manage in response. Images of a Nines stripped of all of his human clothing and skin pulsed afront the detective’s own eyes. Fear rung his heart like a punching bag. It was enough to cause him to lose his breath, enticing a sharp black movement across his sights, and suddenly the world was but a dream.

He woke up to Connor placing ice cubes over his wrists and speaking to him softly. “Nines loved you, you know? It was obvious to both Hank and I. Hank wasn’t too thrilled about it…but Nines seemed much happier for a long time after we figured it out. And really… how can we be mad when you showed him what makes deviation so remarkable? What makes… being human so remarkable?”

Gavin shot up from the floor, pushing the android’s helping hands out of the way. “Iye needta go find ‘im.” The older RK did not follow him out the door – he couldn’t have stopped him, anyway.

Nines was out there somewhere.

He wasn’t dead yet.

Gavin could feel it.

Even when he traversed the local camps that had already been put up in the last ten hours without any sign of the broad android, Gavin pushed on.

He pushed on, assuring himself that Nines was still present in this world.

Nines was here.

He had to be.

He had to be, didn’t he? After all, androids were built to endure for much longer than the fragile human life. It was humans that grew determinately, breaking back down into simple compounds and returning to the earth after just a few decades. Nines was supposed to watch him grow old.

No, Nines was not supposed to be the one to die.

Nines deserved to live more than any one of them, android or human.

It wasn’t supposed to be him.

It wasn’t supposed to be him.

When, finally, the sun was set far beyond its mantle, Gavin had to call it a night. And furthermore, painfully accept the mortality of his partner, of his boyfriend.

It wasn’t a fair conclusion. Androids were sentenced to death because the U.S. government couldn’t handle the thought of losing another source of enslavement. As selfish as Gavin was to journey only to save his android, his mind had developed change over just a few short months. It was hard to deny their sentience, since denying it would have meant that Gavin was falling for a toaster.

No, it was unfair and there was nothing he could do.

Nines was gone. The one good thing that had entered his life was gone.

And there was nothing he could do.

Anger boiled through his fingertips as he went to climb out of his car.

There was nothing he could do.

Gavin tossed his backpack onto the concrete ledge to retrieve later and faced the open car door. He clenched a fist around the handle and slammed it shut. Then he opened it again, shoving the damned metal with two hands now back into place. He did this several times, hastening his pace until he was sure the metal had forged a new crater.

Nines was gone.

Gavin thumped his head against the roof and angled an arm around himself protectively. That’s when the sobbing commenced. A few hot tears first burned in his sockets procured from the heat of the moment, then subsequently melted into a downpour of bitter release. Saltwater oozed past his cheeks, mingling with the slimy discharge that leaked from his nose, and adhering further down to the drool that he lacked even the simplest of strength to swallow.

With each internal repetition of his own mantra, he slammed his head harder into the rusted metal:

“He’s gone.”

Thump.

“He’s gone.”

Thump.

And there was nothing he could do.

Nothing.

Not a single goddamn thing.

Time was a mere subjective entity to the broken man. It wasn’t until the chilling air exhausted his exoskeleton of numbness that he realized his tears ducts were emptied and his feet ached for cushion. Gavin drudged up the staircase to his apartment, stumbling over every step and dragging his pack by the tips of two fingers. It reminded him of all the times he had needed Nines’ assistance through his drunken stupors. His now lost ability to climb during these muddled states came as a surprise to Gavin; he had become more dependent on the android than expected.

Eventually, Gavin achieved his minor plight, falling against his apartment door and gripping the handle for balance. It took several heaves to catch his breath and a few extra beats in between for courage before he could bind the lock with its respective key; a distinguishable challenge on its own through the bubble beginning to well from his bottom eyelids. When the door swung open, Gavin could do nothing more than to stumble inside and accept the turmoil his heart revved within him.

As he went to kick the door shut, however, a movement startled his quakes into stillness and he called out into the darkness. “Who’s there?”

Heavy stepping erupted from his room and Gavin was quick to reach for his concealed carry. Slowly, the light above him crawled along the body of a man with hands raised in surrender. A red circular blink raised high among the shadow identified him before the light could touch his face.

“Gavin,” lamented a voice, just above a whisper. Bright grey eyes reflected under the aged fluorescence, glimmering wistfully at him.

The bubbles swishing in Gavin’s sights finally popped, spilling over and singing his raw skin. His hands separated from each other and the gun went slack at his side, him ogling the floor while doing so – refusing to believe the illusion set in front of him. Then, without any preamble, he recoiled his arm and tossed the firearm recklessly into the wall beside of Nines.

The android did not move.

“You fuck-fucking shithead!”

[spacesnail3000]

Brooklyn’s Sweetheart Chapter 3: Pretty as a Picture

Pairing: Stucky x Reader

Chapter Summary: Martha’s Vineyard is the #6 Best Romantic Getaway in the USA and the #1 Best Destination for Provoking your Childhood Friends.

Word Count: 3939

Warnings: Language, drinking, sexual themes/sexual tension, eventual smut

Masterlist / AO3 

Steve awoke first the next morning shortly after the sun rose. After going to the bathroom and setting the coffee pot on, he peeked his head into Bucky’s bedroom to wake him up. The man in question was splayed out across the mattress, having kicked the duvet off in the middle of the night. He was only wearing a pair of boxers, snoring gently into his pillow.

“Buck,” Steve said, walking over to the bed. Steve was always softer in the morning, gentler, especially before his first cup of coffee. Not to mention, Bucky was always so precious in the morning—at least Steve thought so. He ran a hand through Bucky’s tangled hair and smiled when Bucky shifted around. “Bucky, time to wake up.”

“Noooo,” Bucky groaned.

“Yes,” Steve responded, “C’mon. There’s coffee on and then we’ll go get breakfast. Wakey-wakey.”

One ice blue eye opened to peek at the old-fashioned analogue alarm clock. “No,” Bucky said, closing his eyes again, “Too early.”

“It’s not too early—" Steve laughed, but Bucky cut him off by grabbing his arm and yanking him forward so Steve had to catch himself on the bed, almost hovering over Bucky now. Sleepy Bucky was stronger than Steve would give him credit for.

“No,” Bucky repeated, “No breakfast. Sleep. Come sleep.”

“Buck, we have to wake up.”

“No. Grab the blanket.”

Well, it was only seven in the morning. Steve reached down to grab the duvet, draping it over the both of them, and then let Bucky pull him onto his side. Bucky cuddled into Steve’s chest like some kind of macho koala bear and sighed happily.

Sleepy Bucky had always been a big cuddler. Steve liked Sleepy Bucky the best.

“You’re always so sweet in the mornings,” Steve said reverently, running a hand over Bucky’s back.

“’S’cuz you’re nice in the morning,” Bucky said, “’Nstead of bein’ an asshole.”

Steve chuckled good-naturedly. His defenses were down in the morning, not as inclined to bite back at an insult. “Never mind, you’re still a big jerk.”

“’m just tellin’ the truth.”

Steve knew he could be a hard-ass, but it came with the job. He couldn’t readily show his emotions to other people in the mob, and that led to him keeping his feelings in most of the time.

But times like these, when he could just be alone with Bucky—then he could be vulnerable. Only Bucky knew this side of him. Truthfully, he and Bucky had a very special relationship—they always had. Bucky knew Steve better than anybody. Steve cherished Bucky, adored him, although he would never admit it to anyone else.

Their relationship was not only emotional, but sexual as well—although they hadn’t been intimate since Steve started dating Peggy. But still, Steve knew Bucky was the only sure thing in his life, and he intended to keep it that way.

Bucky fell back asleep quickly, but Steve wasn’t so lucky. He rose with the sun and once he was awake, he was never able to get back to sleep. Instead, he laid with Bucky curled up against his side, watching the man who was more important in his life than words could say.

For about an hour, Steve let him sleep, but once the clock hit eight, he roused him again.

“Okay, okay,” Bucky grumbled finally, flopping onto his back and rubbing his eyes. “I’ll wake up. Meanie.”

Steve only chuckled and rolled out of bed, going into the hallway and then to Y/N’s door. He knocked gently. When he didn’t hear anything, he let himself inside.

She was usually a little more difficult to wake up.

He decided to try gentle first. He said her name, approaching her bed. “Hey, sweetie… Gotta wake up.” No response. Steve ran a hand over her hair, trying to rouse her. “Time to wake up.”

She whined and turned into her pillow.

“We need to go to breakfast and get groceries, sweetheart,” he tried again, “You need to wake up.”

“Please,” she whined, “Wanna sleep.”

“No, you had all night to sleep. Wake up now.”

Her eyes opened, blinking up at him sleepily. “Please?”

At least she was being sweet instead of annoying, Steve thought. He really couldn’t resist her when she used her manners. He kneeled down next to her bed and brushed his hand through her hair again. The least he could do is work with her. “C’mon, honey, what will it take to get you out of bed?”

She shrugged. “Nothin’. ‘M sleepy.” She turned her face to burrow back into the blankets.

Steve was about to get strict when Bucky saved the day.

“Wake up, doll,” he said, coming into the room, still only wearing his boxers, two cups of coffee in his hands. “Here, I’ve got your coffee just how you like it.”

When he held the cup in front of her face, she finally relented and sat up. Taking a small sip, she hummed contentedly. “Thank you, Bucky. You make it just right.”

“Plenty of cream and plenty of sugar, just like you, sweetheart.” He winked at her, and she blushed, averting her eyes from his bare chest.

“You drink coffee?” Steve asked, ignoring the way Bucky’s eyes glinted as he stared at her. Bucky handed the other cup of coffee to Steve—it was black, Steve’s preference.

“Uh—yeah. How do you think I got through all those AP classes these past few years?” she asked him. “Plus swim and dive, plus stud-co, plus chorus, plus honor society, plus—”

“You were in chorus?” he cut her off.

She rolled her eyes and took another drink. “Yeah, Steve, and you’d know that if you’d come to any of my school concerts last year.”

He looked away, sheepish, and then met her eyes again. “I’m sorry,” he told her, hoping she understood that he was being honest.

She shrugged. “It’s okay. I wasn’t good enough to get any solos or anything so you weren’t missing much. I just did it for college applications.”

“And, hey, it paid off,” Bucky said, “You got into NYU, didn’t you?”

She beamed, cheeks heating up again. Steve said, “We’re proud of you, you know.”

“Hush,” she muttered into her mug, shooing them away with her hand, not meeting their gaze.

Bucky grinned. “We’ll go out to breakfast and take you shopping to celebrate,” he offered, “You can get anything you want.”

“You don’t have to do that.” 

“Too bad, we’re doing it. Now hurry up and get dressed.”

With that, they all parted to get ready. Steve and Bucky both showered after sharing the cup of coffee. Then they waited downstairs for thirty minutes, getting more impatient by the second, before she was walking down the stairs.

Steve had to keep his jaw from dropping. “What the hell is she wearing?” he growled lowly to Bucky, who elbowed him.

“Please don’t make a big deal about it,” Bucky muttered, grabbing onto his shoulder to try to ground Steve.

She was showing more skin than she would ever dare to show back in Brooklyn under the constant threat of her father. The light blue dress dipped into a V-neck and had tiny little spaghetti straps. The fluttery hem fell slightly above her knees, higher than any skirt or dress she usually would wear. 

It was summery and sweet, and it made her look more grown up than Steve or Bucky had been anticipating.

“I’m ready!” she trilled, flouncing to a stop in front of them. “What’s wrong?” she asked, noticing the pained expression on Steve’s face.

“Your dress—”

“Steve,” Bucky pressed.

She frowned, looking down at it. “What’s wrong with it? I thought it was perfect.”

“It’s very nice, doll,” Bucky said, elbowing Steve again.

“It’s very… revealing,” Steve said, trying to choose his words carefully.

She sniffed. “Yeah, well. It’s hot outside.”

“C’mon, Steve,” Bucky whispered to him, “She usually dresses like this on vacation, without her dad around.”

That was true. Steve knew this. Without her father with them to police her dress code, she always wore more revealing things when they vacationed. Bikinis, shorts, tank tops. Steve had never reacted like this in the past—but then he realized, she had really grown into her body in the past year or so.

Where there was once nothing, there was now soft feminine curves. Her breasts had grown more than Steve had realized, and he wondered when she started looking like a woman.

He felt conflicted. On one hand, he knew her father wouldn’t approve of the dress, and he was supposed to be keeping up her father’s rules while they were on vacation. That was his job.

On the other, the dress wasn’t really indecent by normal standards—it was just that they never usually saw so much of her legs and shoulders and décolletage. However, he had to admit that it suited her. And he found that he actually liked the dress (perhaps for nefarious reasons he wasn’t about to acknowledge). Certainly he didn’t want her to take the dress off.

Oh boy—now he was thinking about her without the dress and—

“Um—” he choked. 

His face felt hot, and they were both were both looking at him like he had swallowed a bumble bee. 

“It’s a nice dress,” he said finally. “Let’s go.”

With that, he turned and left them, heading straight for the car.

She gave Bucky a questioning look, and Bucky rolled his eyes. “He’s crazy. Ignore him.” 

He motioned for her to go in front of him, and she grabbed her purse from the kitchen counter and went. While they walked out to the car, he admired how the hem of the dress flickered around her thighs, occasionally exposing higher patches of skin.

Steve caught Bucky looking at her ass, but he didn’t say anything. When they got out of the car and walked into the diner, he definitely, 100% did not take a discreet glance, too.

They ordered a big spread of breakfast foods, all of them famished, and Steve jotted down a grocery list on a napkin while they ate. Y/N and Bucky played the game of who could eat the most pancakes, and the winner was Bucky—as usual.

Once they stopped by the market and got enough groceries to hold them over for a week at least, they went back into town and walked around a few boutiques. 

“What do you think?” she asked, fingers fluttering around the pearl choker necklace wrapped around her throat. It was part of a set along with a pair of pearl earrings. Bucky had pointed out the earrings to her first, knowing she would like them—and she did, she loved them. Then she insisted she try on the necklace to see if it fit.

Bucky almost swallowed his tongue. “It—it’s—” he stuttered, before collecting himself. “It’s real nice, doll.” He hadn’t noticed the necklace before when he saw the earrings, but now it was all he could focus on.

She beamed at him.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Steve said, approaching them with a scarf in his hands. “What do you think of this? I saw it and I thought of you.”

She took it from him, fingers running over the delicate white floral pattern adorning the sunshine yellow silk. “This is pretty,” she cooed, a small smile on her face. Steve’s eyes were flitting back and forth between the scarf in her hands and the choker on her neck.

“Not as pretty as you, doll,” Bucky said—more on instinct than anything else. Still, it made her blush, which he considered a win.

“I don’t have anything like it,” she nodded at the scarf, “I love it, Steve.”

He smiled at her before his eyes focused back on the pearls. “And that?” he gestured to her neck. His palms were a little sweaty.

She ran her fingers over the pearls, skimming along her skin. “Do you like it? Bucky showed it to me.”

Steve glanced at Bucky, then back at her. “I think you should get it.”

Soon, they were walking out of the shop with the scarf and the pearl jewelry set. As soon as they left the shop, she grinned at them both. “Thank you, Steve! Thank you Bucky!” she crooned, giving them both a kiss on the cheek.

For the rest of the day, she wore the delicate strand of pearls around her throat, tied her hair into a ponytail with the scarf, and she really did look as pretty as a picture. Steve wanted to tuck her away and never let her leave his sight.

The next day was blissfully sunny. Right after lunch, Steve had just gone upstairs for a shower, and then Y/N ran out into the backyard and said she was going swimming. After doing the dishes, Bucky walked out to the backyard and stopped dead at what he saw. There she was, sitting on one of the chaise lounge chairs, applying sunscreen to her legs. She was wearing a tiny little bikini that showed off—well—everything. 

Jesus Christ, all Bucky could think was that if Obadiah knew about this, he would skin her alive.

He must have made some sort of noise, because she looked back at him, pushing her sunglasses onto the top of her head. “Hey, Buck! Wanna join me?”

“Uhh—”

“Go put on your trunks!”

His body was obeying her before his mind could catch up, and before he knew it, he had his swimming trunks on and was back outside, pulling up a chair next to her.

And then—“Can you get my back for me?”

“What?”

“I can’t reach my back,” she said, holding a bottle of sunscreen up to him. When he didn’t take it, she flourished it at him. “C’mon, Buck, I don’t wanna burn.”

Mentally slapping himself, he pulled his few remaining braincells together and jumped into motion. He only got so many chances to help pretty girls put on sun lotion—he sure as hell wasn’t going to pass it up now. 

“Sure thing, doll,” he said, taking the bottle from her and sitting behind her on the chaise. He swept her hair away from her skin, his fingers brushing along her neck and shoulder. Pouring the lotion into his hands, he rubbed them together and placed his palms against her back.

As he massaged the sunscreen in, she swayed with his touch, and he realized there was something almost intimate about it that made his breath catch. The sun was beating down on them, and he was touching her slowly, sensually.

Bucky tried not to let his mind wander as his hands brushed along her shoulder blades and down her spine and to her lower back.

  That was what Steve saw when he got out of the shower and started toweling off in front of the big window of his room. His window overlooked the backyard, providing him the perfect view of the two at the pool, he realized.

His mind didn’t know what to process first. There was Y/N, in the tiniest bikini he’d ever seen, breasts pushed together to reveal her enticing cleavage, stomach on display, long legs stretched out. Then there was Bucky, who was looking like a little treat himself in a tiny pair of pastel swim trunks that ended deliciously high on his muscular thighs. And there they were, Bucky’s hands splayed across her back, massaging suntan lotion into her skin.

Steve couldn’t take his eyes away from Bucky’s hands, working at her shoulders and neck, kneading into her lower back just above her bikini bottoms, long fingers wrapping around her sides and bringing sunscreen down to her hips.

And she was enjoying it, if the way her eyes fluttered closed and her head tipped back gave anything away. When his fingers brushed along her sides, meandering around to her front to graze along the dip of her pelvis, she bit her lip, knuckles white as her hands clutched her knees. Steve could see the way her chest rose and fell, and he wondered what kind of noises she was making.

Steve had a problem underneath his towel now. He wasn’t the only one, either. If Steve’s eyesight wasn’t failing, Bucky was faring no better, judging from the tent in his swim trunks.

No, Bucky was not faring better.

Her skin was so warm against his hands, and her breathing was getting heavier right along with his. She made these breathy little sighs and shivered when he hit certain sensitive spots on her back.

Finally, he paused his hands on her waist and leaned closer. “That good, doll?”

His breath drifted across the side of her neck, and she could feel the vibrations of his raspy voice in her ear. She could only nod in response, taking a moment to steady her breaths before leaning back in the lounge chair. After slipping her sunglasses back in place, she closed her eyes and tried to think of anything but Bucky’s rough hands on her back.

It proved to be a difficult task. Her skin was all lit up from his touch, her body was buzzing. She had never felt like this before, but she liked it when he touched her, and she craved more. 

Almost immediately after she sat back, Bucky jumped in the pool. He swam laps to distract himself for almost a half hour until he calmed down enough—in other words, until his erection flagged.

Steve, on the other hand, had to go back to the bathroom and take care of himself before he could face either of them again.

She almost dozed off, laying there in the hot summer sun. 

But then she heard Bucky getting out of the pool. Hidden behind her sunglasses, she opened her eyes to observe him. It almost happened in slow motion, and he looked practically pornographic. The way the water dripped down his toned muscles, the way he swept his soaked hair back and away from his face, the way his swimming trunks clung obscenely to his—

“Hey,” he was saying then, in front of her now, “Your face is kinda red. Did you remember to put sunscreen on it?”

“Um—uh—“ she stammered, “Yeah. I—maybe I need some more. Some more sunscreen.”

“Hey, I brought you guys some drinks!”

And then Steve was there, setting down two glasses of lemonade on the table between the chairs. He was wearing swim trunks now, too, but also a white t-shirt.

Good—she could only take so much.

“You okay, sweetheart?” Steve asked knowingly. He bit back a smirk, his eyes darting between Bucky’s chiseled torso, dripping wet still, and the way she was narrowly avoiding looking at Bucky’s chest, a blush covering her cheeks.

“Mm-hmm,” she muttered, taking a long drink of the lemonade.

“If you’re too hot, maybe you should take a dip,” Bucky suggested. “The water’s really nice.”

“Oh, I’m—I’m good. Yeah.”

And then Bucky looked back to Steve. The shared smirks on their faces said it all.

Waiting until she put down her glass, they swooped in, Bucky grabbing her ankles, Steve grabbing her waist.

“Hey!” she squeaked, “What’re you doing?” Neither of them answered, but as they marched with her towards the pool, she began thrashing around. “No!” she shrieked, “Put me down! Don’t—”

It was too late. They tossed her into the deep end and her body hit the water with a splash, silencing her shout. She sank all the way to the bottom before swimming back up, treading water as she glared at them, her sunglasses lost to the depths of the pool.

“That wasn’t funny,” she said in response to their raucous laughter. Bucky was almost crying with it.

“Trust me, sweetheart,” Steve chuckled, “It was hilarious.”

“Come help me out, you big lug,” she snarked.

Steve only laughed, in too good of a mood for her insult to bother him. He crouched down and held out a hand to pull her out. When she took his hand, however, she braced her feet against the wall of the pool and tugged him back, using her feet as leverage to dive backwards and gain enough momentum to pull him in.

He fell on top of her in the water, and when they resurfaced, she was right there in front of him and laughing at the shocked look on his face.

“You think that’s funny, sweetheart?” he asked, using his best menacing voice.

But she had a knack for knowing when he was genuinely angry, so she only swam closer and got into his personal space. “Yup,” she said, smirking at him. “Pretty funny.” She booped at his nose, and he caught her wrist before she could pull away.

Then he grabbed her around the waist before looking up at Bucky. “Get in here and help me put her in her place, will ya?”

The rest of the day was spent in the pool, wrestling and splashing each other. After that, they laid out together in the sun until it set, Steve lit the fire pit, and they roasted marshmallows together until their hands were sticky.

The rest of the week was filled with similar days. They would spend their mornings in town, walking around, or walking Hermes along the beach. In the afternoons, they would play in the water at the pool or the beach, swimming together or just relaxing in the sun. Y/N and Bucky had daily competitions to see who could swim more laps the fastest—but she hadn’t been awarded a swimming scholarship for naught. Whenever she got too sassy, Steve would manage to wrestle her into the water until she was all giggles and no more snark.

They saw more of her body in that week than they had in the past fifteen years, from her tiny bikinis she’d wear to go swimming, to the flirty skirts and dresses she wore into town. Neither Steve or Bucky said anything—it’s not like her father was around to know, and they both quietly appreciated the view.

She asked Bucky or Steve to help her apply her sunscreen every day. Well, neither of them were about to turn her down. She seemed to enjoy the little massages far too much, as did the boys—this fact went undiscussed.

Between her revealing outfits and the sunscreen massages and wrestling with her in and out of the pool, both Steve and Bucky were getting more and more worked up. Peggy had been ignoring Steve all week because she was angry with him for the impromptu vacation to Martha’s Vineyard. And Bucky was—well, Bucky was used to getting laid on a more frequent basis.

When they had started this trip, starting anything with Y/N was considered overstepping in their relationship. Now, they were both fantasizing about it, even if it wasn’t an option on the table.

She had some sort of spell she caught them in. The duality of her innocence and sexiness enraptured them. Steve was upset with himself for wanting her, considering he was still dating Peggy, while Bucky was frustrated that she was so unattainable—at least, with Steve around.

Bucky didn’t want to hurt her or ruin their friendship, but if he was honest with himself, the only thing holding him back was Steve. If he was alone with her, and the moment felt right—like it had the night of her birthday—he wouldn’t be able to stop himself.

She just didn’t know what was in store for her.

[floatingpetals]

Boys in Blue || Pt. 6

Pairings: cop!Stucky x F!Reader

Warnings: little bit of angst, language, floof

Word Count: 4500+

Summary: (Cop AU) There was just one crappy thing after enough that happened to her. It possibly couldn’t get any worse, or so she thought until she saw the dreaded flashes of red and blue behind her. Could things get any worse?

A/N: Thank you for everyone who has been so patient for this part! It’s a longer part and I wanted to make sure I got it right. I also think I needed that break to get my brain working right again. I hope you all enjoy!! Let me know what you think! 

The gif is mine.

Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Series Masterlist

Y/N sat back, her brows furrowed, and her mouth wide open with shock. She wasn’t sure she heard him right and even if she did, where the hell did they get that idea from?

Bucky and Steve were staring at her with wide eyes, confused and touch hurt. How did she not know she was their girlfriend? It wasn’t like they just assumed they were dating. They had talked about this before. Bucky and Steve shared a look, the same question. Right?

“What did you just say?” Y/N asked quietly. Steve swallowed loudly.

“Um… That I was going to kiss my girlfriend?”

“Yeah, that. Wh- I’m not your girlfriend though.”

Now Steve was really confused. He frowned and tilted his head to the side.

“Yes? You are our girlfriend?” He said uncertainly, his voice wavering slightly. Y/N clambered off his lap to stand in front of them both with her pointer fingers up as she tried to grasp the conversation.

“Our?” Y/N squeaked, turning to Bucky with comically wide eyes. “I’m sorry what?! No, I’m not!”

“Yes! You are! You agreed to it!” Bucky countered back, equally getting worked up alongside Y/N. She blinked, completely stunned.

“What?! When the hell did I agree to that?” She cried. “I’m pretty sure I’d remember that!”

“How-how do you not remember? It was when we went to Uncle Julio’s forever ago.” Steve replied.

“The place you said the beans tasted like they were from a can and that Steve thought the salsa was too spicy,” Bucky added. Y/N vaguely remembered the restaurant. They had gone to a few since.

“Right.” Y/N said slowly. “They had really good margaritas though.”

“Right,” Bucky nodded. “And that was the same night when we asked you what you were looking for in relationships.”

Y/N paused. Now that she thought back, she did remember that question. At the time, she thought it was a little odd that they had asked that question, but she didn’t have an issue with it.

“I vaguely remember that. It was cause of something Maddie said about her husband, right?”

“It’s what led up to it, yes,” Steve nodded. “I suppose the two margaritas you had to even be able to stomach the food helped, but you told us everything you were looking for.”

“Someone smart, confident, faithful, funny, honest, someone you feel comfortable enough with to wear sweats and no makeup around,” Bucky listed off the traits she had said so long ago, counting with his fingers. Y/N’s face burned.

“Wow, I sure said a lot.” She mumbled, looking at the feet.

“Yup. You were pretty open. Now I’m understanding why.” Steve shrugged. It was slowly dawning on him that maybe, just maybe there was a loss in communication. He let out a heavy sigh, falling back into the cushions. “After probably the best monolog ever, Bucky asked you if you were willing to give us a shot.”

Now she remembered. She must have blocked absolutely mortifying that memory from her brain. She had only known them for a month at that moment in time, and she laid out her heart for them. It wasn’t hard with these two. They were so easy to be comfortable around, neither demanding she acted like someone she wasn’t or judging her on who she was. They accepted her with open arms. When she did finally stop her rant, she downed the rest of the margarita and turned to Bucky, who had been wearing the blissful grin on his face. At the time, she thought he was one of the most handsome men alive and was completely thrown by his next question. It was so out of the blue, it must have been why it never registered.

“I-I mean, yeah. You asked, but I thought-.” She thought he was joking. “I thought you were joking!”

“Right, but you laughed and said ‘Sure why not!’ We thought it was weird how you played it off, but not once did you say you assumed we were joking!” Steve stated. Y/N turned to him with a panicked look in her eye.

“B-but we’ve not been dating!” She tried to deny. It was feeble, her brain was racing through every memory she had of the past two months. And so far, the facts were stacked against her.

“Technically, we thought we were!” Bucky pointed between Steve and him. “Do you really think we eat out every other weekend?”

“Or willingly without complaint hold your bags while you shop?” Steve added. “Or take you out to lunch whenever we get the chance?”

“Yeah, but… You’re together!” Y/N reasoned. They shared a perplexed look and shrugged.

“Well yeah we are, but we figured you’d figure it out when you agreed to date us,” Steve said slowly. His mild amusement was slowly melting away when the severity of this conversation hit him. She had a clue they were a couple already, but she didn’t know she was apart of their relationship either.

“Guess we should have talked a little bit more about this after the margarita’s left your system,” Bucky muttered. He too was quickly concluding that this supposed relationship was only that to them. Y/N hadn’t the slightest clue that they were quickly falling for her and how absolutely happy she had been making them both the past two months. It was all one-sided, and clearly, they were to blame.

“That explains all the hugs and the kisses on the cheeks.” Y/N uttered, unaware of their sinking turmoil. Steve nodded numbly.

“We figured you weren’t into PDA at that much, so we kept it as minimal as possible until you gave us the clear.” He replied softly. Y/N finally looked up, her heart cracking in her chest at the sadness written across their faces. “We didn’t want to make you uncomfortable with our PDA either, so we kept our hands to ourselves as best we could.”

“That’s why you acted like you were worried I see.” Y/N whispered. “You were worried it was going to make me upset?”

“Yeah, you never said you hated it, but you never initiated it yourself. We thought since this was such a new and different kind of relationship for you, you’d need time. Now it’s become clear, you didn’t even know we thought the three of us were in a relationship.” Bucky said with a dejected tone. On any other given day, Y/N would warp him up in her arms and tell him everything was going to be alright. However, right now, she was still reeling from the latest development.

“So, you're telling me, that for the past two months, you both assumed I knew we were dating? And neither of you thought to double check with me and make sure I was up to speed with you both?”

To both their credit, Steve and Bucky winced and at least looked embarrassed. They had been both so excited, thrilled that she agreed at the time, neither thought to question it and run her off with their doubts.

“Not that it’s an excuse, but in the past the few women we’ve asked if they’d be interested in giving us a chance, they stop talking to us altogether. You called us back the next day. It’s why we assumed we were dating.” Steve sighed, his eyes closing shut.

Y/N stood there in silence, letting his words sink in. Both men shifted uncomfortably, but neither said a word. They weren’t going to dig themselves into a deeper hole than they were already in. This wasn’t something small that Y/N could just look past and move on. They missed and theoretically kept key details of their relationship from her.

“I-I have no idea what to say.” Y/N rubbed her temples, her voice cracking. Steve deflated and Bucky had to turn his gaze away to hide his shining eyes. There was something incredibly upsetting about seeing a grown man seconds away from bursting into tears.

These really were some of the happiest two months of his life. True, he and Steve were happy with their relationship. They both knew where they stood and loved each other fiercely. Though they always felt like something was missing. He loved having Steve’s bigger and stronger body to wrap up around him at night to fight away the demons he crossed every day in his job, but there were days when he craved a softer and gentler touch of a woman for him to pamper and hold.

Steve felt the same, his heart aching for another that might cement them further. He loved Bucky with his whole heart, but when he met Y/N the day Bucky pulled her over, he knew she was the missing piece to the puzzle. And because he let his past experiences rule his fear, she was most likely going to slip from their fingers.

Y/N head started to throb, her stomach in knots. This was such an informational overload. It was all starting to come together, specifically why they acted the way they did around her. But this didn’t mean she was okay with how they handled things.

She could understand them being excited, happy that she ‘agreed’ to date them. But what about discussing their limits, or even what they would tell people? It wouldn’t exactly be a conventional relationship; Y/N didn’t even know if she was slightly on board with dating not just one, but both men. She needed time to think, to sort through everything that happened the past two months.

Rubbing her arm, Y/N began to chew her lips and looked back at Bucky and Steve.

“I… I think I need to take a break.” She muttered. She swore she could see their hearts shatter in their chest, the crestfallen expression causing her stomach to turn. “I’m not saying I’ll never call you again. But I need a break, to think about everything.”

Swallowing thickly, Bucky nodded slowly and bit back his tears.

“Right, of course.” He let out a shuddering breath. “We can understand that. Neither of us meant to keep anything from you. We honestly thought you knew.”

“I know. It’s okay.” Y/N smiled kindly, “You didn’t do it intentionally. I just… I need to figure things out.”

Both men nodded quickly, clenching their fists at their side. Y/N sighed heavily and grabbed her purse. Steve rose, smoothing the wrinkles in his uniform. Y/N’s heart fluttered at the sight of the fabric stretching across his chest and quickly averted her gaze.

“I’ll walk you to the door.”

Y/N winced at his defeated tone, cold realization settling in that he really was having a godawful day. She had to push aside the guilt she felt. Once she knew where she stood in this whole mess, she could possibly make up for kicking him while he was down. Following him to the door, she gave Bucky a tight-lipped smile over her shoulder. He watched sadly from his spot on the couch, digging his nails in his thigh.

Y/N paused at the door, Steve standing to the side to let her leave. His eye’s cast to the floor, his face void of any emotions.

“I’ll call you guys when I’ve had time to think.” She whispered. Steve nodded mutely, his eyes flicking up briefly to her face before returning to the floor. On instinct, Y/N’s hand lifted to squeeze his arm but froze before her hand touches his skin. Her breath hitch in her throat and she quickly pulled her arm back. “Bye Steve.”

He mumbled a goodbye, watching her disappear down the hall before shutting the door softly behind her.

~.~.~.~

“Wait, wait, wait. Back up.”

Y/N groaned, glaring at the half empty glass of wine in front of her. Maddie shot her a glare and situated Lexi on her other hip.

“Don’t groan. I need to make sure I got everything right.” She tutted. “So, the two hotties with the bodies are in fact dating each other.”

“Right.”

“And they are open to an open relationship?”

“I think so. At least… They’re open with me.” Y/N said, her brows furrowing. She hadn’t really thought to ask that question before she fled. “They haven’t really seemed to be with anyone else. Just me.”

“For the sake of the argument, let’s say they’re just wanting to add you to the mix. Nobody else.” Maddie waved off to continue. “For the past two months, they’ve thought you were in a relationship because you inadvertently agree to it.”

“Well.” Y/N skewed her face in disagreement, but Maddie bulldozed right over her.

“Like it or not, you didn’t turn them down. Regardless on who knew what, they thought so. And from what you’re telling me and what I personally saw, my god I’m one jealous bitch.”

“What?” Y/N squawked. Maddie sent her a flat, unimpressed expression and took a sip from her sparkling water.

“Oh please,” Maddie grunted and set the glass down. Lexi cooed and reached out to grab the glass. Unfazed, Maddie pushed it to the side and continued talking. “They treated you like a queen. Bucky and Steve were both at your beck and call, 24/7. They made sure to work out their schedules so they could take you out to lunch almost every week. They wanted to be around you all the time, I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve looked over to you and seen you with that dopey grin on your face because they’re texting you. Not to mention, the very first encounter with you was you immediately yelling at them both. Let’s not forget that.”

“How can I when all you do is bring it up every damn day.” Y/N grumbled, taking a sip from her glass.

“Point is; They care about you. A lot. And honestly, I’ve never seen you happier.” Maddie explained. “This is probably the most unconventional relationship ever, but you have to admit. Having two men that care about you, treat you uh-mazing, and just want to be with you is pretty great. But the bottom line is, what do you want?”

Y/N grew silent, staring absently at the empty wine glass in front of her. That was the heavy question, wasn’t it? What did she want? Letting out a loud painful groan, Y/N buried her face into her hands.

“I don’t know!” She whined. “Maddie tell me! What do I want?!”

“I can’t tell you that!” Maddie exclaimed. “That’s for you to decide. At the end of the day, you have two choices. The first is you tell them you can’t be in a relationship and hope for the best. Chances are, they couldn’t look at you any other way than they have in the past two months, it’ll be too hard on them both and they’ll have to stop talking to you. It wouldn’t be fair to you, or them. The second is you pull your head out of your ass and tell them you’re falling in love with them both and you want to make it work.”

“I’m not falling in love!” Y/N denied with a scoff. Maddie rolled her eyes.

“Keep lying to yourself, princess. You get all starry-eyed whenever one of them calls, I see how much happier and less stressed than you usually are with them. Don’t believe me yet? Then answer me this; Does your heart skip a beat when you see them?” Y/N was reluctant to answer, but she eventually nodded with a pout.

“Do you feel like somethings missing when you go home at night and they aren’t there?”

Another reluctant nod.

“Do you think about their needs before you think about yours?”

Y/N thought about the brownies that were probably sitting uneaten back at their shared apartment that she knew she didn’t have to bring, but Steve would have loved. Yes, she supposed she did. Maddie was beaming now, wagging her fingers in front of Lexi’s face as she waited for the realization to settle in her best friend.

“Hate to break it to you, but you’re in pretty deep.”

Growing silent, Y/N let Maddie’s words sink in. Everything she was saying made absolute sense, and there was no real doubt in Y/N’s mind that she felt something for the two men. Somewhere along the way, Y/N found herself falling for them both despite constantly fighting those feelings. She was never going to act on them, at the time she didn’t think they’d ever be comfortable with the idea of sharing her. There was no way Y/N could ever ask them to choose, or even choose between them herself. I guess I worried for nothing, Y/N thought sheepishly.

“Now answer me one last question. Can you see yourself going forward in life without both of them there, by your side, loving you the way you deserve to be loved? And knowing they’ll make you the happiest and luckiest woman ever?”

No, she thought instantly. She couldn’t. Maddie saw the certainty flash across Y/N’s face and laughed. She walked around the island and patted Y/N on the back.

“I think you have your answer then. Now get out of my house. It’s bedtime.”

Y/N barked a laugh, ducking her head to hide her giddy grin. Stepping off the stool, Y/N turned to Maddie and hugged her tightly, careful of the tiny human in her mother’s arm.

“Thank you, Maddie. I don’t know where I’d be without you.” She murmured and let Maddie go. Maddie snorted.

“You’d probably be the town crazy lady with twenty cats that yells at people to get off her lawn.” She stated. Y/N rolled her eyes and leaned down to gently squeeze Lexi’s leg. The little girls squealed a happy giggle, chewing on her tiny fist between her gums.

“You’re mommy’s a bitch, you know that?” Y/N cooed. Lexi beamed, completely unaware of what was going on, but happy to get all the attention. Maddie, however, scoffed and poked Y/N in the side harshly.

“Out. Quit stalling and go back to your men.”

“Alright. Alright.” Y/N groaned. She walked out of the kitchen and through the living room where Jason and Robert were cuddling on the couch, a bowl of popcorn between them. “Bye, you two.”

Robert barely paid her any mind, too engrossed by the cartoon on the tv. Jason smiled widely with a mouth full of popcorn and waved at Y/N over the back of the couch. She made a face of mock disgust and rolled her eyes.

“Always the charmer Jason.”

Shaking her head, Y/N let herself out the front door and walked back to her car, toying with her keys. There were a few ways she could go about this. She could go home and call them tomorrow or she could call them now. It had only been about an hour and a half; she knew they’d still be up for at least another few hours. Gripping the steering wheel, Y/N let out the tension she was keeping in and started the engine after finally coming to a decision.

Twenty minutes later Y/N walked up the stairs and stopped in front of the door. Y/N took in a deep breath and knocked sharply, shifting anxiously from foot to foot. She heard heavy footsteps coming up to the door moments later and the lock flicking loudly. The door slowly opened, and Y/N smiled hesitantly, playing with her purse strap.

“Hey.”  

“H-hey.” Bucky leaned against the door, his eyes wide in surprise. Y/N’s breath caught in her throat at him in a tight tank, loose grey sweat pants and bare feet. Blinking rapidly, Y/N shook her head and tore her gaze away from his chest and tried to ignore the adorable stray curl on his forehead.

“I um… I know it’s late, but I couldn’t wait. Can we talk?” she asked nervously. Bucky looked her over, his eyes were soft and unperturbed. He could tell she was nervous, waiting for him to reject her and send her away. The corners of his lips turned up and he pushed off the door, reaching forward to take her hand in his. Y/N let out a breath of relief and let him pull her into the apartment. Shutting the door softly behind her, keeping her close before he led her into the living room.

“Have a seat. I’ll get Steve.” He said gently and strode down the hall. Y/N sank into the cushions, trying to relax as she strained to hear Bucky letting Steve know she was there. A few minutes later, Bucky walked back to the living room with Steve trailing behind. Steve paused, a flash of uncertainty going across his face before he blinked. She bit her cheek and smiled meekly.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Steve nodded carefully, his guarded eyes flicking over to Bucky. “Didn’t expect you to call back anytime soon let alone show up.”

“Yeah well,” Y/N laughed breathlessly. “I had a great helper who made me see I was overreacting a bit, again.”

Bucky and Steve chuckled softly, knowing exactly who she was referring to. If this conversation went how he thought it might go, Steve made a mental note to send her a thank you basket. Y/N looked back to her hands, a frown on her face and her heart in her throat.

“So, I know you’ve thought we’ve been dating for the past two months. I didn’t really have a clue, but it still doesn’t take away from the fact that you thought we were.” Y/N started. “A little unconventional yeah, I’ll admit it, but now that I’ve had time to process the idea, it’s not something I’m opposed to.”

“We didn’t mean to-,” Bucky said. Y/N shook her head and gave him a reassuring smile.

“No. I know. I’m not upset about it, honestly, I don’t think I ever really was. Maybe a little blindsided but not upset.” Y/N snickered. “It’s a little unconventional yeah, I’ll admit it, but now that I’ve had time to process the idea, it’s not something I’m opposed to.” 

Bucky’s eyebrows shot to his hairline, surprised by her admission. Steve was equally astonished, glancing at Bucky from the corner of his eyes. He tried to ignore the flutter in his stomach, not ready to get his hopes up just yet. But it wasn’t every day someone admitted they were willing to try out their unusual relationship. Y/N went back to staring at her hands, picking at her cuticles with an unsure expression.

“I mean, it’s not ever something I envisioned in my life. I definitely didn’t think I’d ever fall for not one, but two men like you two, but I can’t seem to find it in myself to be upset about it either.”

“You’re falling for us?” Bucky asked breathlessly. He walked around the coffee table and carefully sank into the cushion on the couch. He crossed his leg and tucked his ankle under his thigh, his knee gently brushing against Y/N’s thigh. Y/N nodded, her cheeks burning.

“Why wouldn’t I? You’re both sweet, thoughtful, freakishly considerate.” Y/N giggled. “Maybe a little oblivious and lacking in the communication department, but everybody has faults.”

“If all we have to work on is talking more with you, I think we can both agree we’re up for that improvement.” Bucky teased, winking over to Steve. The other sent him a tight-lipped smile, his fist clenched tensely at his side. Bucky frowned and tilted his head towards Y/N all while he kept his eye on Steve.

“I do have so many questions, and things are going to be a little weird for me to get used to, but I mean the only difference between then and now is that… Well, now I know we are in fact dating.” Y/N let out a heavy breath. Steve’s gaze snapped towards Y/N, his lips parting as a soft gasp slipped through. Bucky let out a breathy chuckle and threw his arm on the back on the couch, brushing his thumb against Y/N’s shoulder. She smiled softly at the soft caress and leaned into his touch.

“You still want to date us?” Steve asked breathlessly. It was almost like a dream, part of him couldn’t believe it. He was one hundred percent certain that he was still laying in bed beside Bucky, struggling to contain the tears from heartbreak before he fell asleep. This had to be a dream, right? Yet, when Y/N looked up and locked eyes with him, he could see the certainty and touch of worry. She nodded slowly and bit her lower lip.

“Of course, I do. I could never choose between either of you, not that I would ever want to either.” Y/N said firmly. “I can understand if you’ve lost a little of the trust since, you know, my freaked out early, but I really do want to make this work. Just thinking about-.”

Y/N didn’t have a chance to finish her rehearsed speech. In a flash, Steve was across the room taking up the empty seat beside her on the couch and pressing a desperate kiss to her mouth, effectively cutting her off. She squeaked against his mouth, startled at just how fast the giant man was, but melted instantly in his tender hold and wrapped a hand around the back of his neck.

Reluctantly pulling away, Steve pressed his forehead against hers with his eyelids tightly shut and couldn't stop the wide smile that spread across his lips. Y/N’s head swam, his hot breath fanning across her face. There was a gentle tug from the side, a soft hush stopping her whine before Bucky took his turn to kiss her. He was more controlled, surer. As if he knew at the end of the day Y/N would be back, that she felt things for them both. He brushed his tongue against her lower lip but pulled back with a wicked grin before she could return the kiss. Y/N inhaled sharply and pouted as her eyes flutter open.  

“So, we’re all in agreement?” Bucky whispered huskily. “From this point on, we talk about everything, don’t hide any secrets and we’re officially exclusive to each other?”

Y/N nodded numbly, still scrambling to get her wits about herself. Steve chuckled; his chest lighter than before. He cupped her cheek and turned her face back to his. Y/N blinked, melting at the intensity in his blue eyes.

“We should probably talk about what all this means.” Y/N muttered halfheartedly. She really did want to clear things up, but the longer she sat sandwiched between their two bodies, the quicker she felt her self-control slipping out the window.

“We can talk about logistics later. Right now, I just want to hold my now official girlfriend and longtime boyfriend.” He shushed, brushing his thumb along her lower lip. Bucky giggled, actually giggled and buried his face to her neck. He took in a deep breath, savoring her comforting smell and nodded.

“I think we all deserve that. Talk later, cuddle now.”

Y/N giggled and found herself being scooped up, back into Steve’s lap with Bucky pressed up beside her. She wrapped her arm around Steve’s neck and leaned back against Bucky. He kissed up her neck and rubbed soft circles to her arm. She sighed, letting her eyes slip shut in content. They were right, they had all the time in the world to talk later.

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[cyberneticfire]

Epilogue

(Credit to Void!Al goes to @rileesrambles!)

(Takes place after Devoid of Music and Devoid of Stability)

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel

Characters: Alastor, Charlie Magne, Angel Dust, Vaggie

~~~

Charlie was here. Charlie Magne. Princess of Hell. Alastor’s business partner turned friend was here in the Void.

The thought was too good to be true. It was easier to believe she was a hallucination, because there was no way in Hell that his Charlie would have gotten herself killed and discarded into this personal little abyss for no reason. While it was a very ‘Charlie’ thing to do, he wouldn’t entertain the notion that she’d do something so selfless for him of all demons. Was her being here even possible? Mouth snapping shut from its slack-jawed state, Alastor tore his gaze away with a scowl.

“You’re not real,” he growled matter-of-factly, smile twisting into something bitter. The sound of her footsteps became muffled when he clamped his hands over his ears, frustration festering at the way his eyes burned yet again. Alastor’s mind was getting all the better at tormenting him, wasn’t it? Why else would he be thinking of her?

“What- Al? Of course I’m real!” No amount of pressure could block out the soft voice with familiar undertones of worry. She isn’t real. She isn’t real. She isn’t-

Her hand touched his shoulder and Alastor flinched violently, tail flashing up in surprise. A whine bubbled out of his chest as the hand jerked away, and the deer regretted having moved in the first place. He whirled around, eyes wide and trailing instantly to the retreating limb. The subtle press of her skin had been warm, soft, comforting, and he wanted it even if the contact made his own skin crawl at the now unfamiliar sensation. Touch was never needed, but he’d always enjoyed initiating it with those he claimed as friends – regardless of whether they agreed or not - and soaking in the attention he just craved at times.

“Alastor,” she started, quieter this time. “I don't know what happened to you,” the way her eyes flicked between his bloody claws and arms suggested otherwise, “but we need to leave now.”

Alastor finally took a good look at the princess, forcing down the doubt and the hurt and the disbelief. Full-fledged horns adorned her head, and her teeth were sharpened to fine points, pushing away the passive persona she was known for. Three sets of wings sprouted from her back, a display of her demonic and fallen angel bloodlines working in tandem to create a truly intimidating figure. The most concerning thing was that there wasn’t even a hint of a smile on her face. Alastor wouldn’t call her weak, considering the power radiating off her, but vulnerable seemed more appropriate. Despite the display, it was impossible to ignore the way Charlie’s face scrunched up in a mixture of strain and concern.

“Alastor,” she winced, thrusting her hand out for him to take, “I can’t keep this place open to the both of us for much longer!”

The deer jolted away, fixing wide eyes on the outstretched hand. Breathing was becoming rather difficult as Alastor’s eyes flickered between the offered limb and the unguarded desperation in her expression.

This... was happening. Was any of it real? How did she get here? This wasn’t possible and he couldn’t for the life of him understand why. Why, if she was real, would she be choosing to help him instead of being with the people he’d ensured would stay in Hell instead of being double-dead? It had become clearer to him the more he thought that there was a reason it was him and not them that had their second chance at life taken. He didn’t deserve redemption. The very idea was wasted on him, so why the hell was Charlie trying to save him?

“I… I can’t...” his voice came out in a horrified whisper rather than the confident declaration he’d been hoping for. Staring at the offered hand – fake, not real, she can’t be here – he edged backwards, mind reeling.

“I’m sorry,” she gasped, sympathy flooding her face, as she lunged forward to latch onto his wrist and pull him close. Alastor squirmed on reflex, panic flooding his mind as she pinned his back against her chest, her other arm curling around to stop flailing claws from gashing her. The static overwhelming Alastor’s brain threatened to spill out between his clenched teeth. It filled the silent air with crackling bursts, her hold making it feel as though ants were skittering under his skin. He’d wanted to be touched for so long so why did it feel so wrong? Why was he fighting it? He was supposed to be stronger than this-

He might've heard her breathless ‘hold on!’ before her grip was tightening and her wings were beating hard enough to jostle the pair of them. Despite his panicked struggles making her job infinitely harder, Charlie didn't drop the flighty deer, managing to get their feet off any semblance of ground. The pressure on Alastor's chest doubled as they got higher (farther? Were they even moving? It was impossible to tell what was up or down-) and his nails dug into soft flesh while the air was forced from his lungs.

The void itself seemed to be resisting, dragging them down with every jerking movement as if they were moving through tar, like the abyss was trying to reclaim it's sole prisoner.

Charlie didn't let it. Hold constantly tightening, she pushed onward despite her choppy breathing, despite Alastor's own labored gasps and weakening kicks. Charlie’s wings were flapping frantically behind her. Alastor was becoming numb to it all. The rustling sounds, the smell of sweat, the pressure of arms burning into his own that was becoming too much. Static screeching turned to white noise, filling his head to the brim while his eyes slammed shut to quell the nausea rising in his throat.

“Alastor …just… bit farther,” her muffled voice came as though he were underwater. With every inhale stubbornly refusing to fill his chest he may as well have been trying to breathe in oil. The coil around his body was unbearably tight now as the void clung and fought to drag them deeper. Charlie cried out as the invisible barrier stretched further and further, the tension nearly overpowering them.

“Almost… there…!” Blood trickled from her arm where Alastor's claws dug in. His ears flattened against his head. He regretted not saying more to Charlie. She was actually here wasn’t she? Getting hurt for him, and he didn't offer so much as a hello. He truly was the worst, wasn't he? That's what Alastor realized as her protective hold became painful.

Then the tension snapped.

In an instant Alastor was jarred from Charlie's grasp with a yelp, left to flail aimlessly in the dark. Feeling cold and alone once more, his mind went dangerously blank. Charlie let out a shriek somewhere off to the side but opening his eyes only led to the same endless black. The deer didn't have a second to panic before he was weightless, the pressure leaving him in one desperate breath. His vision was bombarded with light before he slammed into something hard, head hitting with a solid thunk, and consciousness fleeing in the wake of pain then the numbness he’d been begging for.

.

.

.

Observing the maroon tinted room dully, Angel Dust wondered how he and Vaggie were the most logical choices to “standby” while Charlie did her thing. Sure, Vaggie was her girlfriend and most protective companion; and maybe Angel didn’t have anything else to do but make sure the princess got out of this alive, and he was understandably concerned when he first heard the idea, but… Okay maybe they were the best options.

Despite this fact, Angel sighed for the umpteenth time that hour, observing his claws in apparent disinterest. Vaggie rolled her eyes at the spider’s fidgeting. Neither would admit it aloud, but the thickness in the air attested to their worry. They’d been alone in the Radio Demon’s room for quite a while, taking in the endless deer memorabilia and marveling at how Alastor had made his room look so… 1930s.

Angel would find himself glancing at the radio on the nightstand, half expecting it to play an upbeat ­– Lucifer he would even take a jazzy – tune, but it never did. Except for the occasional white noise, the radio had stayed eerily silent for the past five months.

None of them liked to talk about… what had happened… but it had obviously affected them all in different ways. Niffty had been inconsolable, burying herself in her work and cleaning the hotel until it shined and then cleaning it some more. Husk drowned himself in alcohol, staying blackout drunk and moodier than he normally was. Vaggie had been livid, itching for a fight and exploding at even the most minor things. Charlie had been a mess, crying about how it had been her fault somehow and that she should’ve done better despite attempts to console her. Angel had been… well, he’d gone back to the studio for a few weeks, and he didn’t even feel pleasured with the extra time he’d spent there.

After the Hazbin Hotel had taken off and gotten more patrons Alastor had managed to become even more peppy and prone to impromptu dance-numbers. Angel had figured the deer demon was just getting his fill of entertainment – and at the beginning he’s sure that’s all it was – but as time flew by something… changed.

He didn’t know when Alastor’s smiles had become less creepy and turned softer or his touches less grabby (not that he minded grabby) and more reassuring. There was something in the way the deer would cheerfully present another helping of his mama’s jambalaya that gave off such a… domestic vibe. His cooking had become expected, welcomed, and even craved, though he would never admit it because Alastor used to look so smug when they hurriedly piled seconds onto their plates. Even with the smug air about him it was hard not to notice the way the deer’s ears perked or his eyes lit up at the compliments to his cooking. A jaunty tune always filled the air when he was in such a good mood.

That’s why when the deer was suddenly gone it had hit them all so hard.

“So… How long is this supposed to take?” Angel broke the silence with what he hoped was a nonchalant tone. The unimpressed look he received in return made him glad Vaggie didn’t point out the unsubtle way he’d broken the tense quiet.

“For the third time, I don’t know,” Vaggie grimaced, pulling her gaze away from the sheer amount of red in the room to glare at Angel. “She’s never done something like this before! It took long enough to get her ready for this trip…” She let out a sigh, crossing her arms and leaning back against the wall. Even Vaggie had been heartbroken when… it had happened, but Charlie had been devastated. She’d been adamant about finding some way to bring him back and lo and behold…

Angel took a long look at her downcast face, eyebrows furrowing. With a huff he lowered the radio he’d been messing with back to the nightstand and strolled over to the moth demon.

“Eh, I don’t think we have anything to worry about. Charlie’s a strong gal, she’ll pull through!” Draping an arm across her shoulder, he held in a relieved sigh as she relaxed and took the comfort for what it was. “And when she drags Smiles back to the land of the not-so-living, we’ll kick his ass for making us all worry so much!”

That earned a snort from Vaggie, and she flashed the spider a genuine smile that he gladly returned. Angel couldn’t ignore the way his heart warmed at the grateful look she gave him, and he hated to admit it, but he was glad he picked up a few more friends in his stay at this cheesy hotel…

A loud crash ruined the moment and the pair jumped, twisting around with wide eyes. Two bodies were crumpled on the floor. Angel almost didn’t realize the moth demon had rushed forward until she was crashing to her knees and dropping her summoned spear in favor of checking on their friends.

“Gracias a Dios, they’re breathing!”

Angel stayed frozen a moment longer, blinking at the overwhelming iron smell, the crimson spilling across the floor, and the way neither of them so much as twitched. Snapping out of his stupor, he opened his mouth to say something useful.

“Oh, shit.”

The spider demon rushed forward to help.

[castleofshit]

Feb 19 - Favorite Headcanon OR Ruin 

Credit: @youkoartemis​ pretty much came up with the entire plot of this AND the mystery character belongs to them! 

Warnings: Gore that's pretty graphic, mostly toward the middle to end

Summary: Boone took the information in. “You still want to get to the fort?”

“Yes,” Eder responded quickly, “The boat was still there so they probably did not cross the Colorado. Guess it is still up to us to put a bullet in that bastards head.”

Boone nodded, “We should rest first and make our way across tonight.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He had begun preparations weeks ago for this, collecting amo, jury rigging together weapons, making them stronger or even inventing new strange weapons. After nearly a month he felt ready, and stepped out of his hotel room in Novak to finally put his plan in action. 

Eder quickly descended the rotting wood staircase and crossed the court yard to Dinky, almost bouncing with nervous energy about what he was about to do. He wasn’t giddy to go, no, he had learned long ago that going to kill people for any reason was never anything to be giddy about. But what he was about to do, well he couldn’t fail, to him the future of the Mojave, the future of the entire southwest depended on it.

 He planted his foot on the first of the ten wooden steps leading up to the door of the dinosaur and hesitated. He glanced up at the dinosaur, seeing its head framed by the stars, the brief hesitation did not last long though, as he lifted his other foot and climbed the stares into the dinosaur then up to the sniper nest. 

-

“Wait here,” Eder spoke softly before crouching down and inching his way out of cover to get a clear line of sight on the camp below. 

Looking through his rifle sight he scanned the land below and froze. “Uhhh, Boone, come take a look at this.”

Eder heard a grunt then the shifting of fabric before he heard a mass settle on the ground next to him. “Just...look.” 

A few moments of silence then a soft exhale from his partner. “Looks like an ambush. Can’t tell what it was from at this distance.” 

Eder pushed himself up to a low crouch. “I am going to check it out, you stay here. If you see something that is not right, shoot it.”

Boone stayed where he was, “Do me a favor and don’t get killed down there. Your brother will have my head if you do.” 

That got a snort from the courier, “Yes sir,” he gave a mock salute before beginning to descend the hill to the camp. 

-

It was nearly noon when Eder started heading back up the hill, Boone stayed in place where he was left just in case someone or something chose to ambush his friend while he was on his way up.

Eder gestured vaguely to the rock they had hid behind earlier in the night and simply said “Shade.”

Once they were behind the rock and in the small amount of shade offered by it, the courier started talking. “Was not animals, they all had bullet holes in them. Or had been stabbed by their own spears.” Eder paused as though considering if he should even give Boone the next piece of information. He hid his hesitation behind a drink of water. “The gate to where the slaves were kept was opened and the collars were on the ground. Whoever did this seems to be an ally.”

Boone took the information in. “You still want to get to the fort?”

“Yes,” Eder responded quickly, “The boat was still there so they probably did not cross the Colorado. Guess it is still up to us to put a bullet in that bastards head.”

Boone nodded, “We should rest first and make our way across tonight.”

- 

The water was calm when Eder kicked them off the pier and into the river, “We head up a few miles I believe. A trader said there would be a large gate and I guess that is when we will know we arrived.” 

Boone nodded then set up his rifle toward the front of the raft, “Just in case they see us coming.”

They did not need to worry about the Legion spotting their arrival as two hours later they noticed an orange glow reflecting off the water. The pair exchanged a glance but pressed on. They rounded the final bend to see the hill in front of them set ablaze. 

“That…” Eder trailed off. 

“Yeah.”

They pressed onward to the dock where the gates still stood intact but open to the world beyond. They were greeted by fallen bodies dressed in crimson. 

“Hope they are friendly…” Eder muttered to himself before speaking louder to Boone, “Check to see if there are any survivors. Lead them back to the boat if they are friendly. I will see if whoever did this got Caesar.” 

Before his companion could reply, Eder took off up the hill. Boone huffed but did as he was told.

As he approached the upper gate, Eder noticed that the smoke was thicker, but he had to see what had happened with his own eyes. He adjusted his bandana to hold more firmly against his mouth and nose, then pressed through the gate with his shoulder, revolver already drawn.

He was greeted to the sight of tents on fire to either side of the path that once led through the camp. He quickly followed it to the sole tent not lit by fire. He ran up the hill that led to it, grabbed the flap, pulled it open, then froze where he stood. 

His eyes looked at the spears firmly planted in a neat circle at the center of the tent, then he followed them up to the heads of the men who once helped command the crimson army as Caesar's best. His eyes then took a moment to sweep across the entire ceiling of the tents, and quickly he picked up on some sort of string holding…

He took a moment to turn away and throw up at the sight of limbs and organs strung up across the courtyard between the tents, above the heads of Caesar's top command. He had witnessed all sorts of cruelties and gore before, but the sight inside the tent was one of the most intense he had ever seen. 

Still, not seeing Caesar he entered the tent once more, legs shaking ever so slightly in a mix of fear and adrenaline as he walked in.

He quickly found what he was looking for between the heads of the Legions top men. There on the ground lay the head of Caesar at the junction of where nine burn marks formed a star. 

Eder didn’t stick around any longer than that, nearly running out of the tent.

He took a moment to collect himself once he was an acceptable distance away, standing until his breathing was no longer ragged. Once collected, he straightened his posture and walked to the portion of the camp behind the main tent. He still had one more thing to do before he could leave the ruins of what once was the Legion’s largest camp.

-

Boone was waiting impatiently at the raft, when Eder finally exited the camp with five adults in grey rags and two children dressed in the crimson armor of the Legion army. Boone didn’t have the energy to argue about bringing them aboard, and one look from Eder told him he wouldn’t accept arguments even if he had them. 

Eder didn’t speak again until they were half way across the river.

“I will take them up to New Vegas. I know someone near there who can help with trauma. We will stop near Boulder City to meet with Brian. Once we meet with him you are welcome to return to Novac. 

“I think I will stick around for awhile.” Boone spoke softer than usual, looking out across the river.

“Alright.”

[fuwafuwamedb]

Ceremony of Ninkasi (Gilgamesh, Hakuno)

Ninkasi.

Bloody Ninkasi.

It was all he had heard about as the maidens had put his armor upon his shoulders and adorned him in his proper attire. It was on the mouths of all the guards as they leaned their heads back and just went on and on.

Oh Ninkasi.

The goddess who sates the heart.

The goddess who pleases all men.

The great Ninkasi.

The miraculous Ninkasi.

“I don’t think I could give a single care for the goddess,” Gilgamesh told his friend, watching Enkidu eat one of the apples from the corner table. “Listen to them. Oh precious Ninkasi. You let me a drunken fool when war becomes too much or my wife becomes unwilling to touch me. Oh sweet Ninkasi. You let me hallucinate that my children are not disappointing me for a few hours before I go back to the king to demand money. Oh Ninkasi~”

“Gil, be nice.”

Gilgamesh blinked, glancing over at the being to find them frowning.

“Ninkasi isn’t actually that bad.”

Spoken like someone who enjoyed their cups.

He glanced over at the mirrored reflection of himself nearby, adjusting his armor again.

There was no use in this prolonging of the inevitable.

“Come on, Enkidu.” He turned, brushing back some of his hair. The lions nearby stood up as well, stretching their legs before following after him. “Let’s get this over with.”

The ceremony would be simple.

It was the time where the crops were growing and the rainwater was less. In order to pay respects to the gods, he would need to facilitate showing Ninkasi respect and admiration. She was the one who allowed for the liquor to flow freely in his lands.

And her drinks provided a means to scare off illness and Ereshkigal.

Her drinks soothed the souls of the damned and the tormented.

It was a simple ceremony. He would merely need to take the goddess by the hand and negotiate in private with her in Enki’s temple.

Most figured the term was another method of saying seducing. His father had written in his journals that the goddess had been old and dying.

It would be grotesque to do anything with an old crone.

He was young, bold. He needed something more than a woman that would pinch his cheeks and remark upon his good fortunes.

“Please remember to show respect,” Enkidu reminded him.

“I’m aware.”

He hated it.

“I mean it,” Enkidu insisted. “The former mantel holder for the name of Ninkasi died. I like this girl that became Ninkasi. She shows a great amount of admiration.”

Wait.

Gilgamesh paused, glancing over at the being.

“She’s dead?”

“She was old. She used every bit of her divinity and bequeathed the title to a young maiden that she found in the woods. They’ve been working with her for a few years to get her prepared for today. She’s been nervous.”

Oh Lugalbanda, the girl was going to be a doey-eyed maiden.

This day was worsening.

“Gil!” Enkidu followed after him as he headed up the stairs to the temple. He pushed at the doors, letting the guards finish pulling them open so he could look down the alleyway.

The woman at the front of the temple looked back, her hair pinned away from her face with the hair ornaments. Her body was adorned in the colors of his palace.

He lowered his arms as he walked, tilting his head a bit to the side as he watched her.

She didn’t falter, he’d give her that.

Despite this being her first ceremony, from the sound of what Enkidu had said, she seemed to be holding her ground. Even as he approached and stood before her, it was only a slight tremble in her hands that gave him any indication of worry in her.

“Good afternoon, my king,” she greeted quietly. “I trust that last year’s harvest was fruitful.”

“It was.”

Probably.

He hadn’t been paying much mind to the details of the harvests. When he returned, he would need to make a note of any hindrances that the woman had caused.

“Shall we begin?”

He held out his hand.

“My king?”

“Let me see your hand,” Gilgamesh told her.

She hesitated a moment, then her hand was in his.

Her hand was softer than anything he had felt before, as smooth as Enkidu. The cold he felt in her hand was no doubt from her trepidation for this ceremony. He could feel the eyes of various parts of the city watching him as he held the goddess’ hand; something that was not a part of the normal ceremony.

The gods and mortals did not touch, unless, in the circumstances of his mother, the gods had decided that someone was worthy.

Mortals did not decide that though.

Which meant he had showed arrogance.

Again.

Ninsun would be whining to him later.

Still, he liked the feeling of her hand in his. After various other coming of age ceremonies he had done, after touching countless women, this one was giving him an odd feeling.

“We should get started,” the goddess bid.

She led him from the room, allowing him to keep her hand in his own. They went to the audience chamber for her, to where someone had set up a table and cups.

“My king?”

“What is it?”

Those brown eyes looked over at him. “You may stop holding my hand now.”

He was known as arrogant already. A mongrel of sorts in the eyes of the divine. He tightened his grip a moment before he remembered Enkidu bidding him to behave.

His hand dropped from hers.

The woman smiled a little and motioned him to a seat.

“You may state your case when you please,” she told him.

“What’s your name?”

“Hmm?”

Gilgamesh motioned around the chamber. “My father’s journals describe the goddess ‘who sates the heart’ as an old maid with not much time left. You sit before me possibly a year or two younger. The gods are not that kind though, especially to minor goddesses. That means you were once a mortal.”

“I was.”

“What was your name… before all of this,” he motioned around the room again.

“Hakuno.”

“Foreign.”

“I don’t know where it is from.”

Hakuno.

He liked how it felt in his mouth. The way the word formed was nice. It suited the picture before him.

“Is this your first temple ceremony?”

“Yes, although I am told that the priests would like to do another next week.”

Ah.

They would be ensuring that no man could sully their goddess by doing so themselves.

He leaned back a little, watching her open her treasury and pour them both wine.

“And you have no opinion?”

“I will be denying them, of course.”

A fire burned in her eyes. She smiled at him a bit, a knowing smile, like she knew how she would manage the impossible like that.

“They will not lay one hand on me.”

How interesting.

Gilgamesh sipped at the wine, feeling the warmth spread through his chest.

“You are going to get yourself killed.”

“They can’t kill me when the goddess’ power has merged with my magic.”

A magician?

He downed the drink for ceremony’s sake, his eyes widening. “You are a magician?”

“I was not much of one before this. I can do a lot more now. Enki and Enkidu have been helping me. If the priests do anything I don’t like, I’ll drown them in the drink they so desperately crave. They won’t be able to get me. I can also…”

He wasn’t listening. He was caught up with the look of pure happiness in the woman’s expression as she took pride in herself for her efforts.

Not her given talents. Not in her divinity.

She was pleased over being able to train and become stronger. She gave credit to a clay being, something no goddess would do.

He was moving forward, stealing her hand away again.

“My king?”

“We have until dawn to speak. So speak, woman. Tell me about what you’ve accomplished.”

The radiant expression he was given had his whole body awake.

His cup was refilled before she was speaking again.

[catch22inareddress]

The Three Times You Sang To Steve Rogers

This is a request from the lovely @shorteststories97 and I hope that it does the request justice. 

For as long as Steve can remember he's had to be the perfect soldier and leader to the men and woman that follow him. Never showing weakness and always being the perfect man and soldier. After you have joined the team a year ago you found the perfect Captain but you have also managed to break down his walls ever so slightly and see the real Steve. Will you be the one that can finally let him be him?  Not a leader, not a soldier, just a man who may be broken but still deserves the world instead of always saving it.

Steve was a simple yet complex man and you would love to say that you had mastered the art of deciphering him over this past year but you knew that would be a lie. He was one of your best friends, save Wanda and Bucky and they said that he was a different man when it came to you and since you came to the tower but you couldn't tell. Sure he was a bit softer around the edges and snuggled during movie times but you just contributed that to the fact that it was movie night and the man needed snuggles, which you were more than happy to oblige. He was touched starved but not as extreme at Bucky, just years of no touch and in frozen in time. You would never turn away an affection that he would give or require. He was a blonde brick house that you just adored with every bit of your heart but you would never tell him. You were his friend first and foremost. He was the most important person in your life and you would always be there for him to help him shoulder whatever burden he felt was his responsibility to carry if only he would let you see that side.

Little did you know that it wasn't until he heard you sing to him that he finally found his peace.

The first time you sang to Steve Rogers it was more of a hum but it still eased his tension and calmed the troubled waters of his stormy soul.

It was a hellish mission that claimed the lives of dozens of innocent civilian lives and Cap took all of them with him and carried the weight on his shoulders. While all of the team was secure on the jet on the way home, you were all battered but none of that mattered at the moment. You watched as your superior but more importantly, your love and friend was folded in on himself sitting next to Bucky.

Bucky looked at his friend and nudged him as he saw him looking at you, playing with your hands. "Go talk to her, punk. I know she's better company than me." Steve gave a have hearted smirk to him. "Nah, man. I doubt I'd be good company for her right now." Bucky just gave him a lazy smile. "Give yourself some more credit man. You two need each other right now. Tough mission for everyone." He nodded and without thought, he found that his feet carried their way over to you. Even with the gash on your hairline, you were the most beautiful woman he had ever since. Any decade. Any lifetime. For that, he would bet his Shield on.

You looked up to Steve who was staring at you and he leaned down and his fingers gently touched your face."You ok, doll." You smiled at the contact and leaned in slightly before catching yourself. "Yea, fine. You, Steve?" You always knew that he needed to hear his name to be grounded back to himself vs the title. You reached out and brushed his long hair out of his face. "I will be. May I?" He gestured to the seat and you laughed at his insecurities. "Like you have to ask?" He sat down and leaned forward and again you saw the metaphorical weight pulling him down. You leaned forward and tugged him back to you and his head naturally found your shoulder. You ignored Bucky's smirk as he put his headphones in. "You're a good man, Steve. We can't save them all but we will try. We always have each other." He took your hand in his stronger calloused one. "I have you." He said it more as a statement and a reassurance to himself and you started humming Beautiful Dreamer that always calmed you. It was a song that was your lullaby of sorts and you wanted to share it with Steve.

"Always." He gripped your hand tighter and fell asleep within a few moments of you humming to him and found peace in the closeness of your embrace.

The second time you sang to Steve Rogers was with a chance encounter. After the jet, you found that he was closer to you and would touch you a bit more in everyday encounters. Fingers lingering when passing in the kitchen or lasting touches when sparring. Extra care on missions and afterward he would even walk you directly to med back and make sure to tend to your wounds himself. You found though that you wanted to take care of him again. You wanted to have him let his guard down a bit more like on the quinjet when he fell asleep while you held him. You longed to be closer to him.

After waking up in the middle of the night you decided to get a drink and nearly jumped out of your skin when you saw a figure on the couch. You brought a glass of water out to him because you knew those shoulder from anywhere, they were Steve. He was a cuddly dorito.

"Hey there, handsome. Care for some company?"  He gestured to the space next to him and you silently took the spot and sat down the waters. He remained in silence for a bit and you knew that when he was ready he would speak.

"Couldn't sleep."  You hummed in acknowledgment. "Nightmares?" He shook his head and chuckled. "You would think, but no. Not this time. Just kept thinking about life and...things." You smiled about his vagueness but still, he was an enigma of a man and you would spend the rest of your life figuring that out. He took your hand and paused before opening and closing his mouth a few times.

"Do-d-do you really think that I'm handsome?" You smirked at his insecurities even though could be an underwear model should he decide to quit the superhero day job. "Are you kidding me right now, Steve?" He shrugged. "Haven't had a woman tell me that in a long time. At least not someone that just wanted to...um." You laughed. "To get in you star-spangled underpants pants?" He smirked and blushed to your delight. "You opinion matters more than theirs anyway." It was your turn to change colors.

"Yes, I think you're very handsome. Any woman would be lucky to have you." He bit his lip almost to keep him from saying something and the thought of him with another woman nearly made you turn green. Banner would be ashamed.  "What is it?" He shook his head. "C'mon Steve. It's me. Only me. I'm here for you, always."

"Promise?" He asked it with such conviction that you knew he was asking for so much more and you wished that he would just come out and say it but he wasn't ready, so you would wait. "Always."

He went behind you and laid down on the couch as you just stared at him unknowing of what he was doing. Then he surprised you and gently took your hand to pull you into his large arms. "Is this ok, doll." You hummed in response and played with his hair. "You gonna be able to sleep like this, Steve? It's pretty close quarters." You all but laying on top of him and his hulking frame and he smiled to himself because you were concerned if he was comfortable.

"I have the most beautiful dame in my arms I'd be stupid to fall asleep, to be honest. Means the morning will come to quick." His hands gripped you a bit tighter and your heart beat a bit faster and the only thing to calm it was to start singing Beautiful Dreamer to your lovely soldier.

Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me,

starlight and dewdrops are awaiting thee.

Sounds of the rude world heard in the day,

led by the moonlight have all passed away.

Beautiful dreamer, queen of my song,

list while I woo the with soft melody.

Gone are the cares of life's busy throng,

Beautiful dreamer awake unto me.

Beautiful dreamer awake unto me!

Beautiful Dreamer, out on the sea,

Mermaids are chaunting the wild lorelei,

Over the streamlet vapors are borne,

Waiting to fade at the bright coming morn.

Beautiful Dreamer, beam on my heart,

E'en as the morn on the streamlet and sea,

Then will all clouds of sorrow depart,

To your surprise, he did fall asleep, before you even finished the song.

The third time you sang to Steve Rogers was the best and worst.

After the couch incident, two weeks went by without discussion over it. It was chaotic with HYRDA movement and missions for the team. You and Steve didn't have a chance to address anything and how it right it felt to wake up in each other's arms.  You knew what you wanted. It was him without a shadow of a doubt.

With Steve, things were more complicated. His heart wanted you. He knew that and knew it felt so damn right to be able to hold you in his arms as more than a friend. He was in mental turmoil over the whole ordeal and whether or not he was good for you and he could give you the life you deserve. Bucky only had encouraging words but a battle-worn soldier as stubborn as himself doesn't always think he deserves love like the average Joe. The man was his own worst enemy.

When he came back to the tower after a shit storm of a mission he felt all was lost.  He had been shot and Bucky was left in the infirmary. Casualties had been had. Steve decided that he needed to dedicate his life to being a soldier and anything else was secondary or no existent. A life where he could have you was not something that he deserved and he was a fool to think of such a thing. He was broken and everyone who came close to him would be broken too. He left Bucky to wander the halls, lost in his thoughts.

When you had heard that the boys were back you were ecstatic but that was quickly stifled when you heard of Steve and Bucky's injuries. You ran as fast as your feet could carry you to the infirmary to only find Bucky there.

"He's not here, doll." His voice was tired but calm and inviting. You sat down next to him and held his hand. "Yea, how do you know I'm not here to check on you?" He smiled. "I'm sure ya are but I know he's your favorite." He winked at you and rubbed circles on your hand.

After making sure you close friend was indeed ok you couldn't help yourself. "Wants going on with him, James?" He shook his head and sighed. "We carry the weight of every damn decision on our shoulders and he is so worried about you and if you choose him." You shook your head. "I already chose him." He nodded. "Well, darlin' maybe you should tell him that. It ain't gonna be easy with him but he loves you. When we were on the mission, I know you were the reason he wanted to get home. You've given him new meaning, an actual reason to fight. Thank you." He kissed your hand and you hugged him gently then went on a new mission. To find Steve.

You checked the gym, his room, common area, rooftop, and then decided to try to call him and went to your room and low and behold there was one Steven Grant Rogers there, waiting. He was showered but bruised and battered sitting on the edge of your bed. "I have been looking for you everywhere, Steven." You came out a bit stern but then recovered and softly and gently asked him, " Are you ok?"  You weren't a hundred percent why he was there but you were hoping it was a good sign.

He looked up with red-rimmed eyes and met yours and you realized that you needed to dig your heels in and prepare for a difficult task. Bucky was right, it wasn't going to be easy.

"I wanted to stay away, I tried to stay away. I suppose I'm just a weak man after all." Your brows stitched together and you walked forward standing between his long muscular legs. You ran your hands through his long hair and you could see his hands white-knuckling his knees. You knew he was fighting the need to touch you and it pained you to your core.

"Steve, baby. Talk to me." His head was still towards the floor. "I'm no good for ya, doll. I damage everything and everyone that gets close. I'm too selfish to give Buck up and the same for him with me. But I can't do that to you. You deserve the world." His voice was broken and you pulled his face up to look at you. "You've given me the world, Steve. You saved it. You are my world, you're in it. I don't want anyone else because everyone else pales in comparison to you." A silent sob escaped him and you crawled onto his lap, one leg on either side and his hands gripped the comforter so tight that it ripped.

"I need you, Steve. Please talk to me." You leaned in and held him even though he was fighting an internal war with himself. "What do you want me to say (Y/N)?" You ran your hands through his and took his hands and put them on your hips. " Please just tell me what I am to you. What do you want from me? Ignore your damn head for a minute and listen to your heart."

He ran his hands over your lips and sharply took in a breath. "I want you, doll. With every fucking ounce of my defeated being. You make me feel like I can be a normal person and have a life beyond fighting. I..I love you. Fuck.. I love you. Please. Tell me I've got a chance and I'll do whatever I can to be the man you deserve and what you want." You wanted to punch him in his beautiful and perfect clueless face.

"You're already everything that I want, Steve. You've always been everything to me. Just please don't push me away." Your hands were on his strong shoulders and you held onto him like if you let go you would float away. "I love you more than you will ever know." He pulled you close with his large hands on your hips. His breath warmed your face and his eyes flicked to your lips and you smiled.

"May I kiss you?" You nodded and leaned into him and felt his lush lips on yours. They were warm and as cliche as it sounded it was everything that you had wanted and he was worth the wait. You only broke away to catch your breath and as he put his forehead to yours he knew he was a fool for ever thinking he could be in this world without you.

"Be mine, doll. I know I will make mistakes. I've never had this or done this before but I want it more than anything, more than anything in my entire life. I don't think I've ever truly needed anything until you. I've even survived without Bucky, but I'd never survive you. You're it for me, darlin." He leaned in and picked you up and laid you down on the bed hovering over you with his lips never leaving yours. When he pulled away his blue eyes pierced into yours. "Can I stay here tonight? I always sleep better with you. Jet, couch, doesn't matter where." He chuckled when you smiled and pulled him closer. "As long as you promise to never scare me like that again, Steve. I thought it was over before it started." His apology was a kiss and you started to soothe his battle-weary nerves with your song and now his lullaby.

Beautiful Dreamer. 

(Link to the song) Beautiful Dreamer 

Strikethrough tags didn’t work, I’m sorry. Please message me if you would like a future tag. Love to all!!! 

Also let me know if you to be taken off tags or be put on Bucky only or Steve only tags. 

Forever Tags

@mscaptainjones

@ssweet-empowerment

@shynara51

@loislp @dragonselene

Steve Rogers

@patzammit

Requested by:

@shorteststories97

[cyrelia-j]

[Drabble] This Lesson Is... (Garak/Bashir/Parmak)

Thanks to @ladyvean for putting this idea in my head :P

From this original post HERE

Though not an official prompt, I kinda took i as such and so here we have:

OT3 "This slut is perfection"

Summary: Julian loves Parmak's accent and is especially enthused about Parmak deciding to learn English

It took Julian a while to notice. It may have even been months into his Cardassian linguistics studies, but once he noticed it, he couldn’t stop noticing it. The reason being was that it was in a word: adorable. He had first made the observation to Garak while they were sitting in the living room going over one of his more recent lessons. It was fascinating how his enhancements gave him a decided advantage in the field of medicine but didn’t quite gift those benefits to other areas: Languages being one of them. Well, perhaps he was able to retain vocabulary more easily but pronunciation and accents were a bit trickier than most things he’d tackled in his life. Garak still assured his “fragile augment ego” that his Kardasi like everything else was progressing at a marvelous rate.

“Does Kelas have an accent?”

Julian had asked the question in English, not quite sure if it was the sort of thing one would want others to notice. Garak had at first feigned ignorance, asking why Julian would think that. He even suggested that perhaps it was Julian mishearing or misunderstanding a word that he spoke. At first, Julian second guessed himself and let the subject drop. It wasn’t until he progressed a few more months along that he noticed that no, he was quite correct the first time. Parmak definitely had a distinct way of speaking that he’d never noticed before through the translator. They still relied on them for a great deal of communication but he was finding it less and less necessary than he had when he first arrived. He’d be quite happy getting rid of them all together, his Kardasi and Garak’s English narrowing in proficiency gap.

“Alright, I know I’m not imagining it now, he definitely has an accent.”

Julian made this assertion to Garak’s pained expression in response. Upon seeing that expression, Julian wasn’t sure that he really ought to press the matter. It didn’t take a genius to realize that certain cultures, certain languages, accents, faced all sorts of ridicule and censure across the galaxy. So he cleared his throat, sparing a glance down the hall before lowering his voice just a touch.

“If he’d rather I didn’t say anything about it I won’t I just-”

“He’s from Nokar,” Garak said with a shrug as if that should explain everything well enough. Unlike his usual penchant for conversation, he seemed little inclined to elaborate further, and when Parmak returned with a brilliant cold concoction of lemonade made with local sunberries that had a similar taste to tart raspberries, Julian decided he’d just have to look into it on his own.

Garak can be protective when it comes to Parmak though it’s hardly warranted. Parmak is far more resilient than Garak gives him credit for at times and it’s Parmak himself who volunteers the rather ignorant stigma of “Northerners” - that is those hailing from Nokar and Kraness - as being less civilized and cultured. Having lived with both Parmak and Garak since his settling on Cardassia Prime, Julian couldn’t think of a stupider sentiment but Parmak lets him know that he’s long grown used to it and as such tries to hide it as best as he can when he speaks. It’s then that Julian tells him he noticed it because he finds it charming. Parmak’s words have a melody to them. They flow together like a warm current and now that Julian can listen to him without the translator he can appreciate the faint “tsu” when he says “tud”, the extra run together of words, the “sya’s” and “kya’s” and sometimes - much to a bit of Garak’s jealousy - he’ll ask if Parmak won’t mind reading to him out of one of the older epic odes Garak’s always banging on about.

Garak complains that Julian doesn’t have a care for the art otherwise but he doesn’t quite know how to explain that listening to Parmak read at times allows him to close his eyes and remember once when he’d had a chance to hear a live reading from the Quran. The words had a similar music to them, but Parmak’s voice is softer, a little higher in pitch and Julian really does love his natural voice without the filter. He explained it to Garak as best as he could in Kardasi before having to switch back to English, finding with a bit of poorly concealed fondness under Garak’s token indignation admitting that he too was quite enchanted with Parmak’s voice. “Of course that’s not to say that I don’t adore your cultured cadence speaking filthy things to me all enunciated and sexy,” Julian had assured him. There are also times when in a certain mood a particular whisper or speak of Julian’s name with that accent will makes his toes curl and his breath pick up. Parmak says his name with an extra affected syllable- a soft “Jiu-lian” that makes him dying to hear other things he might say in English.

Parmak is bemused but he decides it would be a fun adventure to learn English as well.

As far as Julian knows Parmak doesn’t have any special genetic gifts or enhancements. As a matter of fact, he told Julian a short time after their initial acquaintance that his white hair and stoop weren’t the result of age - though it turned out at a hundred and ten he was older than Julian had imagined - but rather congenital as were the slight pink of his eyes and faint violet tint to his skin, and his poor eyesight. Another uneducated Northerner slander was the accusation of inbreeding and those traits have never done him any favors in that assumption either. Parmak was sure if he hadn’t been fostered by an old respected Southern doctor he may very well have never been able to become a doctor himself. But his mind, Julian found was as sharp and quick a study as anyone he’d encountered in his field, Parmak sometimes making jumps in his thought train that astounded even Julian. He isn’t sure how well that will translate to languages but Julian observes over the course of the next few weeks that it goes quite well.

“This is a table. That is a window.” It doesn’t take him too long to pronounce simple sentences, though his accent is far stronger than Garak’s. Julian can tell the Nokaran influence is much more difficult to account for in the foreign tongue where Parmak isn’t sure what corrections need to be made. It sounds more like he says “Zis-es a tabel. Zat-es a windsoe.” Julian is sure that it’s some poor reflection of his character that he finds Parmak’s accent darling, watching him study carefully bent over a PADD each night, pushing his slipping spectacles up his face. Garak has taken to helping him practice as well, though Julian notices that their practices often divulge into heated hissing contests and inevitably a delay in dinner which Julian hardly objects to being treated to - an occasionally invited to join in - a rather heated show and Garak sandwich.

“This rug is red. This flower is yellow.”

“This soup is warm. That glass is cool.”

Julian often comes into the living room to find Parmak looking for things to describe during his lessons and always delights in thinking of new ways to describe him and Garak.

“This boy is sweet,” he says to Julian making him grin dumbly.

“This man is handsome,” he says to Garak who smiles in turn and compliments his good taste. Julian asks why he’s a boy and Garak is a man when Parmak gives him one of those sweet but naughty little Parmak smiles and pushes his glasses back up on his face. Garak raises his PADD a little higher to hide the smirk.

“You’re incorrigible, both of you,” Julian declares, sitting next to Parmak on the sofa with a huff.

“Then don’t encourage me!” Parmak exclaims quite pleased with the rejoinder Garak has taught him. Julian resists the queen mother of all eye rolls as Garak makes some suspicious snerk from behind the PADD once more.

“Ha,” Julian says rubbing his forehead against Parmak’s shoulder. “So has Garak taught you any other useful phrases?” Julian asks in English, not sure if that’s too complex for Parmak to understand.

He thinks a moment before sighing and answering in Kardasi.

“No, but I have been picking up a few things on my own from some of our human colleagues.” Julian isn’t sure whether or not to be intrigued or concerned as Parmak clears his throat and sits up a bit indicating Garak proudly.

“This slut,” he declares beaming at Garak like the sun itself, “is perfection.”

Julian and Garak meet eyes in that moment and war silently over who gets the unenviable tasks of correcting him.

In the end they decide to just leave it alone; Julian officially being “sweet boy” and Garak being “perfect slut”.

[idolizerp]

LOADING INFORMATION ON XLNC’S MAIN VOCAL AND RHYTHM GUITAR LEE YEONGSHIK...

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: King CURRENT AGE: 24 DEBUT AGE: 22 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 21 COMPANY: Koala.T SECONDARY SKILL: n/a

IDOL PROFILE

NICKNAME(S): n/a INSPIRATION: He was inspired by the deep and meaningful lyrics from bands like Nell, and the powerful high-energy rock music from the likes of YB Band. It’s his dream to make this style of music accepted and popular in the idol scene. SPECIAL TALENTS: 

Impressions of singers with low, husky voices (e.g. Yoon Dohyun from YB; Lim Jaebum) 

Can project his voice very far and very loudly

Has a plethora of knowledge of fish

NOTABLE FACTS:

Graduated high school and worked with his parents in the fish market while busking in Pohang.

Known for his poor behaviour during his trainee period in 99 ENT. As a result, his image is often projected as being outspoken and cold.

He has a small reputation for busking a lot in Hongdae. A fan recorded him performing, and this gained the attention of scouts from Koala. T Music.

His Gyeongsang-do dialect is incredibly thick. Despite efforts from both 99 ENT and KTM, he can’t seem to tone it down. It has become a charming point amongst his fans, though many within the industry criticize him for being unprofessional and stubborn.

IDOL GOALS

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

King’s short term goals currently stem from wanting to obtain some sort of production credit on a song on their next album. When he isn’t working on producing music, he is working on his Youtube channel. With the approval of KTM’s management team, he has been allowed to release covers and rock remixes of songs. His hope is to expand on this by bringing in his other band members to help him with the covers to showcase their genuine talent to their fans. He also wants to meet more people within his industry, and as a result he helped to co-found the group League of Idols.

LONG-TERM GOALS:

King’s hope for the future is to make rock an acceptable form of music within the idol industry. The young musician wants to slowly push for more creative control over the production of their music, or to at least shift the mindset of the company to push them towards “edgier” rock music. 

IDOL IMAGE

“Aren’t you that kid from Hongdae?“ “Wait! He’s the guy that got kicked out of 99 Entertainment!”

The frequency in which Yeongshik performed on the streets of Pohang and Seoul would certainly not go unnoticed. However, that does not mean he was popular or successful. In fact, any pre-debut images or videos of him on the internet cater more to his looks than his performance ability. Since his official debut as a member of XLNC, some of those images have resurfaced. KTM uses those pieces of media as a means to paint over the negative image that he had developed during his time at 99 Entertainment, and instead repaint him as XLNC’s King: a hard-working young man who is trying to redeem himself within the idol industry, and with a dream to change the idol music industry for the better.

KMT knew that asking Yeongshik to alter or fabricate a persona for the sake of the band would be more trouble than what it would be worth. Instead, they decided to use his troublesome trainee past, self-important personality in juxtaposition with his tenderness for fans, and a hard-working Northern Geoyongsan country-boy past to push a “tsundere” image. While some of the members were given the permission to keep their own names, KTM felt that if they kept Yeongshik’s very old-sounding name, it would not be easy to market to the younger generations. Instead, the company decided to take his calloused image in contrast with his love for his fans and gave Yeongshik the stage name “Young King” but later decided to shorten it to “King”.

“You really have strong opinions and feelings for so young a person…”

Generally for interviews and variety shows, the members of XLNC are given leniency as to how they are allowed to act. King’s situation is a little different. KTM allows King to speak openly about his past in Pohang and his life as a busker trying to make it as an indie artist. However, management cracked down on what he was allowed to reveal during his trainee years at 99 Entertainment, so as not to cause friction between the two companies or between warring fandoms.

“But you never wanted to be an idol. That’s why you left 99 Entertainment, right? So why the sudden change of heart?”

When asked in their earlier interviews what changed his mind about being an idol, his answer is always very frank and honest: the support from fans. Whenever XLNC’s fans, XL-ENTs are brought into the interviews, King cannot help but become soft and a little emotional. He also admits that the hard-working attitude of his fellow members inspires him, and keeps him accountable. KMT thrives off of this genuine part of his personality as a means to market his ‘calloused but softening heart’.

On stage, King exudes confidence behind his guitar and his deep, husky singing voice. However, the second a camera pans in his direction, his newly-discovered case of stage-fright causes him to close his eyes for the majority of the performance. When asked about it, or teased about it on variety shows and interviews, he tries to make jokes about him trying to appear more passionate. However, producers and bandmates find frustrating and annoying when they are trying to film. A lot of apologies are made throughout pre-recording and filming. Some of his fans try to defend him as they see it as a small peek to the softer core of his personality and the “true” Lee Yeongshik.

On variety shows and when working with other artists, there is no doubt that there is a lot of debut-awkwardness. He doesn’t know where to stand, how to stand, which camera to look at, and actually stare at the camera and not meander his eyes elsewhere. But his pride self-confidence offers a little push to help him get through those interviews and shows. His camera-shyness makes him seem like an aloof black hole. This, coupled with his ‘tsundere image’, a lot of hosts tend to pick on him for having a cold ‘bad boy’ image. As a result, he’s personally opted to take an even further step back on more recent shows and silently encourages his members to be the star variety personalities. However, when it comes to playing games or physical activities on variety shows, he’s suddenly very involved and excited!

“We love ourselves a thoughtful King!”

With their fanbase in Korea, Yeongshik does what he can to support the people that have supported them. He likes to organize small gifts for the few fans that come to their events (usually using money out of his own pocket). At fan signs and fan meets he is very kind to fans, but in a very genuine way. He hates acting cute for the sake of being cute and calmly refuses to do aegyo. He tries to create a professional distance from fans. For example, if fans try to act too familiar he gently tries to set them straight. Or if fans try to confess their love to him, he gently turns them down. His unwillingness to conform to these usual idol roles, while being completely within the bounds of his real personality, further feeds into the image that the company has carved for him.

When it comes to interacting with international fans, King is a black hole when it comes to English. He barely remembers what he learned in high school, and can only introduce himself and his role within the band. He made an effort to study beginner level Japanese before their promotions in Japan, and is able to write in Hiragana and Katakana on his social media pages.

“Which member are you the closest to?”

Suffice it to say that the members’ relationship with their main vocalist is rocky at best. Despite sticking through the debut, Yeongshik’s impulsive and selfish behaviour has been the cause of a bit of discomfort and awkwardness between the members. While he apologized for his past behaviour, and is currently making efforts to prove himself to KTM and to his band mates that he is here to stay, the process is hard and grueling. The 24 year old, who has always been an independent lone-wolf, is now struggling to learn what it means to become part of a team, and while he doesn’t want to falsely force himself on the band, he is trying to do what he can in private and in the eyes of the public to show his appreciation and support to them. His beginning strategy is to get to know each of the members individually, to hopefully learn about their hopes and dreams and how they can help each other.

In their behind-the-scenes footage on their Youtube or live channels, King is more off-to-the-side and observant rather than participating in antics with his members. A lot of fans at the beginning of their debut interpreted this as him trying to appear “mature”, when in reality, he just hadn’t developed that level of closeness with his members. However, as time has worn on, and they have gotten used to their roles within the band (and Yeongshik has proven his willingness to stay in the band), the awkwardness has more or less subsided, and King makes a little more effort to participate in videos with his members usually as the victim of their antics as he is often caught asleep on camera.

On his personal Youtube channel, King tends to primarily share covers of songs that he enjoys. The company allowed for this as a means for him to "release” the rock-side of him that gets repressed form the music he’s forced to do professionally. He has recently started to do reviews of music that has been released within the idol industry as a means to develop a stronger understanding of the genres that he generally wouldn’t listen to. Of course, these videos are heavily edited and reviewed by KTM. He has asked permission from his company to have guest idols show up on his channel during these reviews to give more insight on the music, and, in the eyes of their respective companies, build partnerships and mutual advertisement opportunities. Through this program, he has developed a few good friendships and, as a result, helped to co-found the Afreeca channel, League of Idols. While Yeongshik isn’t particularly great at these online games, and is often referred to as the “black hole” of whatever team he’s playing for, his lack of finesse and “newbness” adds comedic value to the show. This endearing quality in juxtaposition with his very strong Gyungsang-do personality, it certainly makes filtering entertaining for the staff.

Shortly before debut, he opened a Twitter and Instagram account to document his journey within XLNC and to interact with fans and other celebrities within the industry. On Twitter he often writes to his fans expressing his thanks, spams the promotional music show hashtag and shares snapshots of him working. On Instagram, King rarely posts pictures of himself, much to the disappointment of his fans. However, he often does live videos where he will do monitored Q&As, or will share sneak peaks of the latest Youtube video that he’s working on.

“You call yourself a King? Disgusting! Throw yourself back under the rock you came from, Faker!”

Despite his active online presence, hard-working image and rapport with fans and a handful of idols, there is a lot of negativity that needs to be filtered. There are a handful of XL-ENT fans, as well as aggressive anti-fans that leave hateful comments on his social media pages. Some of these anti-fanss suspect that something may have happened before debut, given the lack of closeness between him and the other members during their debut. Some even go so far as to blame King for XLNC’s lack of success and popularity within the industry. For now, Yeongshik has been able to maturely avoid lashing out at these fans. But given his impulsive past, KTM is constantly on edge and have been trying to think of ways as to how to either recover from a potential explosion, or how they can work it into a publicity scandal in their favour should something happen.

IDOL HISTORY

Born in the popular port city of Pohang to a fisherman and his wife, Lee Yeongshik spent his entire life by open beaches and bringing his father’s catch to his mother’s stall in the famous Jukdo Market. Music was always tightly woven into Yeongshik’s life: from the music his father would sing while at sea, to the music played on television and radio. But nothing struck his heartstrings or energize him more than that of the rock bands Nell and YB (then known as Yoo Do-Hyun Band).

During his elementary and early high school years he would write lyrics about his life at school or the life of a fisherman’s son, and would remix these lyrics into his favourite existing songs or adjust the composition slightly. While in school, all of his efforts were put into his music classes. He learned how to read sheet music and how to play basic piano. As many teenagers his age tend to do, he challenged social constructs and would write poems or quirky songs that mocked the school system. More than once, his antics caused him some form of detention or other forms of acceptable punishment from his teachers.

For his birthday in his second year of high school, his parents gifted him with a second-hand guitar. Between work in the early morning, school throughout the day and most of the early evening, his evenings were spent learning how to play his guitar. As a result, his grades began to slip, and his parents encouraged him to find a tutor: a ‘sombae’ from his school. She appealed to his creativity and was able to make learning fun for him again, and he suddenly began to understand the full meaning to the love songs he had been listening to most of his life. His mind wandered throughout the day at work, school and even tutoring to develop the perfect song to confess his love. When he was finally confident and proud of his creation and performed it to her, his feelings were not reciprocated and weren’t treated seriously. Broken hearted, the boy immediately became jaded and bitter, and filtered romance from his life entirely. Any confessions he received were met with unintentionally cruel shutdowns, and the once class-clown became the introverted loner.

As graduation drew near, he and his parents struggled to find a direction for Yeongshik’s future. They couldn’t afford to send him to university or college, and his high school grades were not high enough to get him into school either. His parents knew he wouldn’t be happy taking over their business, and suggested that he try to pursue music. After he graduated, he worked for his parents in the morning, and then spent his afternoons and evenings busking on the busy streets of Pohang where tourism was the thickest: the markets and the beaches during the summer, and deeper into the city outside of bus and train stations during the winter. His music was a mix of his own prose as well as remixed covers of existing rock songs. Once he had made enough money, he moved to Seoul to live with his estranged uncle.

His uncle was rarely home, nor did he manage his small apartment. The young man felt uncomfortable with his uncle, and would only go home long enough to bathe and sleep and occasionally eat the food his parents sent them. The rest of his days were spent busking in the afternoons and working in convenience stores in the late evenings and early mornings. He attended as many local indie rock events as he could afford, and even attempted to audition to perform. But as an inexperienced soloist, gigs were impossible to come by. One of the venue owners suggested that he apply to an idol company if only to utilize their connections and resources. “You have the face and the voice to get in. Make the most of it and go.”

Feeling desperate, Yeongshik looked into each of the top tier companies within the industry, and felt that 99 Entertainment was the best fit, as they were well known for their artistic freedom and generally produced high-quality music. They told him to leave his guitar at home and to come to vocal lessons and training. The vocal lessons were certainly helpful and it was here he really seemed to excel. However, dancing was an entirely different story. His entire artistic career had been behind the security of a guitar, and never before had he ever tried to do any kind of dance. His lack of skill and willingness to learn, marked him as a trainee with poor attitude and attendance and he was kicked out of the company.

Again, Yeongshik returned to busking on the streets of Hongdae and after some time was approached by a representative from Koala. T Music. The agent said that with his looks and talent with a guitar, he would be a great potential candidate for their attempt at the first idol band to be created in years. Shocked at the prospect of being scouted for a band, and still feeling the pangs of desperation, he agreed to do the audition.

Upon his arrival, the judges were quick to praise him for his frequency of performances in Hongdae and complimented his guitar playing and vocal quality. However, his reputation at 99 Entertainment left a very dark mark on his resume. They still gave him the opportunity to audition, and after hearing him sing one of his own compositions with his guitar, and then cover an existing song acapella, they decided that they would allow him to train with the other candidates for the idol band to test his chemistry and work ethic. The young artist was thankful for the opportunity, but expressed his intentions with music and his apprehensions of joining an idol agency, and ultimately decided to refuse the offer. The judges, amused by his dream of authenticity, explained what would be expected of him as an idol, but gave him the bait of the potential for him to produce and write a song perhaps years in the future. They encouraged him to try their trainee program and if he felt it wasn’t a good fit he could freely leave with no hard feelings.

The temptation and easy access to equipment was too much for the starving artist to give up. He decided to join their trainee program. Many of the trainees were already close with each other, and Yeongshik, having been alone most of his artistic career, couldn’t bring himself to approach the other members that already seemed to have split into their cliques. This painted him in a negative light amongst the others, but gradually over time, the other trainees were weeded out of the program until finally the final four were chosen. For a year they trained together, but after being told that they would be doing their first performance with an MR system rather than playing live, the rock artist felt betrayed. He approached his members and confessed that he wanted to leave; that he couldn’t in good conscience betray the genre he loved for the sake of fame. This wasn’t the first time that Yeongshik’s impulsive and stubborn personality had caused conflict within the band. But this time the entire team was shaken with Yeongshik’s lack of consideration for the rest of the team, and it caused serious concern within the company that was planning to debut the group in less than a year. While in their dorm, Yeongshik approached the other members and apologized for his selfishness. He realized that this wasn’t just his dream anymore, but this was all of their dreams. He realized that he needed to respect everyone and not just focus on himself anymore. He made more of a conscious effort to spend more time with his members, train with them, and asking for critiques and tips.

The final month leading up to their debut really pushed each of the members physically and mentally. Yeongshik in particular struggled with wearing make-up and being told what to wear and how to wear it, as well as modeling for their promotions. It wasn’t until he had seen the physical album in his hands, and the album promotions and teasers online, that he realized just how close they were to their debut. The impending fear of having to do a ‘fake performance’ on stage began to rattle his bones. Shooting their first performance stage took unusually long as the new main vocal and rhythm guitarist struggled to keep his eyes open as the camera panned to him, or as the fans cheered. Eventually they got the shots that they needed, but it was a new hurdle that the young musician would have to overcome and quickly.

While the reception of their debut wasn’t as explosive as the company had perhaps anticipated, overall Yeongshik was deeply moved by the fans they did manage to capture with their music. As small as their fandom is now, he deeply treasures them and made an Instagram and Twitter account to become more connected with the fans. He approached his members with ideas to provide their fans with heat packs while they wait outside to be let into shows, and other small fan projects. This newfound love and passion was something that the company easily fed and wove into his image as an idol. While he is still stubbornly trying to work his way into the production side of the industry, he has calmed down considerably and is making more of an effort to connect with his members and fans as an official and steady member of XLNC.

Their work was well received in Japan, and Yeongshik decided to make more of an effort to study the Japanese language in order to communicate with fans and staff.

In 2018 they traveled to North America for the first time to go to K-CON LA, where they shared a stage with 99 Entertainment’s prized girl group, Heaven. Despite not doing the music he initially wanted to do, Yeongshik found more of his inspiration was being drawn from his fans and his experiences working with other people within his company. While he still carries his rock-and-roll pride, he has decided to open his mind about the idol industry and has started to put himself out there.

[aly-the-writer]

The Long Hours

My contribution for this latest round of the @daficswap for @latefortevinter.

Featuring their Vaxus Trevelyan and Dorian Pavus just after Trespasser’s events. I’m not quite sure if this is angsty enough to fulfill your request but I hope you’ll like it.

Sorry I got this up a little late, but I hope you enjoy it! If you want to read it on Ao3 you can find it here.

The setting sun had painted the walls opposite the windows with hues of fiery oranges and gold-dripped yellows, the floral wallpaper transformed into a field of marigolds.

The room beyond this one was filled with voices – Leliana’s, Cullen’s, and Josephine’s - as the three argued one another into circles with greater and greater intensity. They were afraid and falling back to the old habits because of it.

It was annoying, but he couldn’t bring himself to find the energy to scold or scoff their circular arguments just this once. Couldn’t find the energy to cast so much as a glare in the direction of the door, really.

Instead he sat in the uncomfortable chair beside the Inquisitor’s bed, and watched over the sleeping man. He tried to read, to display himself as nonchalant now things had quieted but he didn’t feel any less anxious than before.

A bruise colored a dark spot on his jaw, his hair and clothes still messy – although he had changed out of the blood soaked ones he had returned to the palace in – and worry had set dark circles around his eyes.

Most painfully, though, his heart ached to see his love in this condition.

Vaxus was still, asleep, and kept there by magic so that the spells repairing his body as best they could would have more time to work.

A healer, a proper one, had been brought from nearby to care for the Inquisitor. It had apparently been a close thing, the Anchor had done more damage than just stealing the hand of his Amatus, and there’d been a lot of blood lost.

The scent of Elfroot and other medicinal herbs clung to the room’s air, too heavily for Dorian to be able to forget the injury he was trying so stubbornly not to stare at but he had read the same line – He almost didn’t hear the ambush coming – over and over again.

Try as he might to relax to let himself get lost in the misadventures of Varric’s fictional guardsman tonight he could not.

It was like Adamant all over again, only so much worse – the Inquisitor had been left with proof of the dangers of his fate that would never be able to heal, that couldn’t be hidden or secreted away.

The door sprang open with such force he jumped up, a spell already halfway to his fingertips, nearly upsetting the chair he had been sat in when he realized it was Cassandra.

The dark haired woman didn’t say a word – worried tension written in every line of her body as she maneuvered the great monstrosity of a sword that Vaxus wielded with ease. One of her wrists was bandaged, sprained from a blow taken during the fight with the Qunari mage, and a few thin scratches and cuts decorated her face in addition to the older scars.

One of the deepest had come from the blast the anchor had put out before they knew how dangerous that mark had truly become.

Her eyes were red, swollen as if she’d been crying – which she probably had. Somewhere that no one else would be able to see that the Seeker had a heart: that she wasn’t all steel and wrath after all.

She leaned the weapon against the wall, out of the way. The blade glinting in the last rays of the dying sunlight – perfectly cleaned, and cared for. Polished to that high shine all those who had begun their careers as Chantry knights seemed to keep their weapons at.

One less thing for Vaxus to worry at when he woke.

Once it was set so that it could not fall over she approached the bedside, almost hesitant – she was never very good with words and at the moment she wasn’t even trying.

When Dorian made no move to say anything or stop her she reached out to touch the Inquisitor – to make sure he was really there.

Her hand reached out to brush aside Vax’s cowlick, her fingertips brushing the scar that was usually hidden behind it.

Looking up she met Dorian’s gaze – they did not always get on, the Seeker was a woman of quick, harsh judgments for all she was willing to reexamine them but that had colored much of their early impressions of one another. And he had been prone to some jealousy regarding the woman’s closeness to the Inquisitor.

Things had improved a little when they began to trade books, and they had both become certain that the other would rather die than see something like this happen to Vaxus.

“He will be alright,” she said quietly, but there was a forcefulness to her voice as she said it. Like the way she said her prayers, or talked of the Maker – as if with just those words and strength of her will behind them she could make it the truth.

Softer, more uncertain, as if to herself - “He has to be.”

The Seeker did not linger long, her eyes going to the door as Josephine’s raised voice carried to the room once more.

“I will see to them,” she promised Dorian, her expression of grim determination before she left him to watch over his lover as she chased the nuisances away so that they might have some quiet.

So often he had envied Cassandra and Vaxus – the two were warriors, they understood one another that way in a way he could never match, and she had known about his sister long before Dorian had, had been able to offer support regarding it.

But he remembered facing the silent eluvian at the crossroads - the warrior’s armor biting into his arms as she held him back from it so he did not hurl himself uselessly into the darkened glass – and now, there was some part of him that was grateful that she had been there. That she cared nearly as much as he did, but in an entirely different way.

Vivienne was the next to visit. Few signs of their ordeal in the Crossroads remained on the regal southern mage. She had more bearing to her than half the Magisters he knew, and the cunning to out maneuver many more than that.

The Orlesians called her Madame de Fer – the Iron Lady – but iron melted, rusted, twisted and snapped under enough pressure. She was far more dangerous, far stronger than simple iron. Diamond, maybe, but not iron.

Women forged in a volcano’s heart weren’t allowed shows of tenderness but this once she allowed herself one as she fussed at the blankets, making sure that they were smooth and up high enough to keep the sleeping Inquisitor warm. Her expression almost motherly as she did so.

There were little imperfections in the woman’s makeup, as if done with a hand that shook just a little too much and she had been too distracted to fix them.

“Darling,” her eyes were on him now, “You look absolutely dreadful.” There was no venom, no bite, behind the remark for all the words could have been hurtful. “Have you slept at all?”

“Of course not,” he huffed back, though he was half afraid he rather croaked as he hadn’t spoken a word in roughly half a day.

She tsked softly at him, “Rest – you need it, we can’t have you losing your looks. You’ll worry the Inquisitor half to death.”

“Can’t have that, can we? The blasted fool is half way there already,” the bitterness – the anger – in the words surprised even himself. It wasn’t even at Vaxus, not entirely. His amatus had done what he had always done – saved the world because that was what was expected of him, what was asked of him, and Dorian was now furious with the world – with himself, too – for asking it.

Vivienne’s expression softened from her regality, and she went to him, setting a hand on his shoulder very gently – Comfort? Sympathy? Understanding? Dorian wasn’t sure what the gesture meant - before she took her leave as well.

Several hours dragged on with more infrequent visitors – Varric visited but did not speak much nor stay long, an echo of pain in his eyes that said he was seeing too many ghosts to try to help his friends. The Bull did not visit but his lieutenant came and offered a few words of sympathy and an offer to send for whatever help they needed – the Bull’s Chargers were there for him and the Inquisitor - spoken in their shared mother tongue. Josephine visited briefly and left behind a box of imported chocolates for Dorian that they both knew Vaxus would enjoy sharing when he woke. Cole came and left, fretting under his breath.

One visitor he had not expected was Cullen, laden with a tray in one hand and a chessboard tucked under his arm.

The Commander set up both on one of the little tables and then dragged the elaborately carved monstrosity over to them, Dorian suspected that it was a lot heavier than it looked too. At least the dog hadn’t come in – though he suspected the beast that the Commander had recently adopted was somewhere nearby.

“You need to eat,” he told him firmly as he fetched a chair and sat opposite Dorian.

The food brought was a simple affair, as it’d been assembled by one of the most typically Ferelden people he knew he wasn’t sure what else he would have expected. A sandwich, meat and cheese, a handful of cut up fruits and sausages lay on the plate.

Unlike the previous visitors Cullen hadn’t come to check on Vaxus, which meant getting rid of him so that he might continue his vigil over his beloved’s side would be more difficult.

“I assure you, Commander, I am quite alright.”

“You haven’t eaten since you returned and I know you haven’t been eating enough since you got to Orlais,” the blond former-Templar frowned.

Cullen was sharper than most gave him credit for, and it wasn’t just the impulse to feed people into feeling better than Fereldens shared (Sera was the same way, anyways, though her method sometimes devolved into just hurling pies or cakes at people who evaded her earlier attempts).

Dorian scowled a little – he hadn’t been eating properly, grief for his father, guilt over leaving Vaxus so soon after returning, worry about the Exalted Council, anxiety regarding his joining the Magisterium had all rendered him without much of an appetite.

He had hoped that no one had noticed.

“I’m not hungry.”

Cullen frowned a little before looking to the board, “Alright – how about if I win, you’ll at least try to eat? If you win I’ll let the matter be.” He opened his mouth to refuse to play, “If you don’t play I sit here and nag at you like an old Gran.”

That got a wince and Dorian reached out and moved one of the knights. He could do without the nagging.

Besides, truthfully, after so many solemn words and worried, guilty expressions on the faces of those that his amatus cared for, his own visage included, he was grateful for the distraction of a game.

He lost, he usually did with the Commander when Cullen got serious, but his stomach was also grateful for the few bites he managed down afterward even if the food itself was tasteless in his mouth. Once that was done Cullen cleaned up the tray and board and left his vigil once more.

He must’ve drifted asleep at some point, even in the dreadfully uncomfortable chair, because when he woke the window was open and there was a Sera was pacing uneasily and nearly silently in the room. Her footsteps made no noise – she would have been completely silent were not for her soft mutterings.

The profanity laden string of worry and frustration and anger at Solas was intermixed with more than a few promises to stick an arrow in the ‘shiny bald arse-biscuit’s egg head’ on Vaxus’s behalf.

Dorian smiled at those.

He could understand the sentiment. He certainly shared the sentiment though his desires primarily included magical fire rather than arrows.

She froze suddenly jerked around to stare at him, realizing that he was awake, “Oh, hey you,” she said offering a nervous smile. “He gonna be alright, right? Like, you ain’t gonna leave him til he is, right?”

“I won’t abandon him in his time of need, Sera,” Dorian promised.

“Good, I didn’t want to have to put an arrow up your arse for being stupid – well, stupider and not looking after him. He’s…he’s gonna need you for this, you know?”

He nodded, the blond elf could be a little volatile when emotions came into play, but it was always clear she cared. She was a bit like a little sister to Vaxus though, and even he preferred the elf when she was being mischievous and troublesome than when she was scared and hurt, he wanted to comfort her.

“I’ll help him,” Dorian promised.

She nodded sharply, and walked over to the bed to scowl at Vaxus, still kept asleep by the spells and herbs he had been fed, “You better not sleep long, y’hear? I got more pies and I need someone to throw them. Just cus you’re down an arm doesn’t mean you get to get outta that.”

With that she went back to the window and down the trellis, back to whatever corner of safety she had found – maybe to write in her little book that she left out where anyone might read.

She was right: Vaxus would need him, and he would – with Mae’s help – push his return to Tevinter back as far as possible but – Kaffas.

It couldn’t be delayed forever, and down an arm, healing and now without the power of a magical Veil-rending mark it was even more true that Tevinter was simply too dangerous for his Amatus. He couldn’t be sure he could protect Vaxus there and….

Well, that day had been proof enough that he couldn’t lose his beloved.

His heart had nearly broken knowing that the man’s retreating shadow through the Eluvian might have been the last time he’d ever see his love when the mirror had gone dark had nearly broken him.

The tears that he had held back until then - the ones that he had refused to shed when he realized his lover was dying, the ones that he hadn’t cried when Vaxus had left him behind, the ones that he hadn’t been able to shed as he and Vivienne kept the love of his life from slipping into death from shock and blood loss, the ones that he still hadn’t wept in this silent room waiting for his amatus’s eyes to open – began to fall silently.

Unable to staunch the tide of them he let them trickle down his cheeks - his makeup had been washed away with the blood earlier, there would be little sign of them once he dried them from his face.

It had only been a few days but so much had changed in that time. He had very nearly lost the one person who made all that suffering worth it to the same cursed mark that had been the reason they had met at all.

Vaxus had known too, hadn’t he? When he’d spoken of Tevinter there’d been a look of sorrow too great to be explained by just his departure. And Cassandra had been giving them strange little glances – he’d confided in her, hadn’t he? Or had she simply guessed? – sought the truth out like her profession implied.

The sky outside was growing bright again, and the little song birds that inhabited the gardens were beginning to sing when he finally did dry the last of those tears. He could hear the servants beginning to prepare the palace for the coming day and attend to their morning chores.

He couldn’t be seen crying like a child by some made there to tend the fire.

As he wiped away the last of them carefully with his sleeve – perhaps some habits had rubbed off on him from the Southern ‘barbarians’ he had called friends for the last few years – there was the sound of the soft shift from beneath the blanket.

Vaxus stirred lightly at first and then blinked his eyes open slowly at first until he spotted Dorian.

His Amatus smiled to see him there. Bright and beautiful, as if relieved to see Dorian.

Whatever had happened – whatever was going to happen, this was the man he loved.

This wasn’t one of Varric’s stories, but right then in that moment he smiled back – they were both alive, they had both survived. They had to have a chance at a happy ending together if that was the case.