#they hate us so much the though of us healing disgusts them

[fairuzfan]

This article is incredibly malicious in its attempt to erase the United States' KEY role in the genocide of Palestinians in Gaza. Even when talking about how Israel is bombing coordinates where humanitarian aid is, they still end the article with plausible deniability that Israel is not purposefully attacking these locations.

Anyways, the United States has signed off on the complete annihilation of the Palestinian people in Gaza and don't you dare forget it.

Do not forget: the United States can stop this quite easily. They are just choosing not to.

[feyascorner]

before my nails dig

summary. in which one of Astarion's especially vivid nightmares results in him waking up to Tav at the mercy of his own hands...and the shame that comes with it.

warnings. angst, fluff, comfort

pairing. Astarion x GN!reader

a/n. someone pls get this man therapy that's all i ask,,, also this takes place sometime during act 3 before you confront cazador!! first post too so pls forgive typos

Had breathing always been this hard?

It's not like he had to breathe anyway. The undead have more perks than one would think, and having no need for air was one that became particularly useful in unexpected ways. Yet as he stands in Cazador's dungeon again--a place he longs to rid from the darkest corners of his mind--all he can do is stumble over his own breath, crimson eyes darting around frantically in search of an exit.

And suddenly, his siblings are at the mercy of the ascension, floating helplessly in the chains of a red aura--Cazador's aura. Despite the chaos, Astarion's eyes narrow in on the one pedestal with no occupant, and he realizes it's his own designated place.

It's getting harder to breathe now.

A breath creeps up behind his shoulder, sending pure dread throughout his entire body as he hears Cazador's voice far too close than he ever wanted it to be.

"Wake up, child. This is all you've ever been meant for."

Astarion whips around and lunges at the man, his hands wrapping viciously around the throat he's fantasized about ripping apart for the past two hundred years. His nails dig into the flesh of the vampire lord's neck, leaving indents in the shape of crescent moons, just enough to cause panic but not enough to draw blood. But Cazador only cackles, his eyes staring right into Astarion's as he hollers over and over again.

"Wake up."

"Wake up!"

"--Astarion!"

The spawn's eyes snap open, recognition finally flooding his expression as he finds himself staring down at you. The very face he sees in the softest of dreams, the lips he longs to kiss at every waking moment, and the eyes that gaze at him with the love and adoration he's been missing for most of his wretched eternal life. Though he'd never admit it, you saved him. From the moment he'd threatened your life at the nautiloid crash to the moment he held you close to his chest in the confines of his tent, he would be by your side until you tired of him and threw him away.

All he wanted--all he could wish for--was only a fraction of it in return. And you'd given him that, and so much more.

But now, you're scared. Terrified, even. Of him.

With horror, he realizes his fingers are digging into your throat. Your precious, tender throat that you offer him not for something in return, but simply because you care for him.

All at once as he tears his hands away, he wants to cut them off and bury himself in his own grave again. He doesn't meet your eyes, afraid of what disgust might be held in them, but he knows you're too kind for that. Too kind to see the kind of monster he is.

You're gasping for your breath, and his stomach knots in a way that would have sent him hurling if it weren't for the fact that he's too occupied drinking in what he's done. To you.

"I'm okay, I'm okay, Astarion," you choke out, perching on both your elbows as you struggle to recover. Even now, all you seem to care about is him. He almost hates you for it--hates you for not stabbing a stake through his heart the moment his hands met your neck. "Astarion-"

"Your throat," he croaks, despising the slight crack of his voice as he reaches for your cheek, but stops before he even gets close. He doesn't trust himself to open his mouth again.

"It's okay, really, I can just get Shadowheart to heal me," you shake your head, and he finds himself in disbelief as you crawl toward him, tossing the sheets to the side. He shifts the slightest away and you understand, immediately sitting back down. You look like you want to say something, but you close your mouth and watch him patiently, as if waiting for him to make the first move.

After a suffocating silence, he turns his back to you. "I'll be sleeping elsewhere tonight."

He intends of never sharing a room with you again, in fear of what he could possibly do to you as a result of his selfish desires to keep you close, and you seem to pick up on the tone of his words. You always do. "Astarion, please."

"I do apologize, sincerely. I'll form a better apology tomorrow, but for now, I'll fetch Shadowheart or that damned wizard and-"

He fights the urge to shiver when he feels your hand on his. How you manage to have such an impact on him with a simple touch he does not know, and does not care because all he wants is more. To pull you close, to beg you to keep him, to use him, to punch him, strangle him for all he cared, in hopes you'll even consider ever speaking to him again. Instead, he turns to look at you.

Gods, you're beautiful.

Even with those terrible bruises he'd go to hell and earth to take back, your beauty in unmatched with anything he's ever seen. Even with the bed hair and the anxiousness pursing your lips, he can't bring himself to look away again.

"Please stay. I'm not mad, nor afraid."

The words sound like honey on your tongue.

"Please," You say again, slowly this time. "Stay."

His chest feels tight, threatening to tear itself apart as his voice comes out in a crooked whisper. "I could have killed you."

"You didn't."

"If you died too, I don't know--what would I even do with myself? What would I-" He hates it when he sounds like this. Vulnerable, or as Cazador liked to call it: pathetic. But he can't help the words tumbling out his blasted mouth with the way you're gazing at him with nothing but worry. Somehow, with you, it feels strange.

Refreshing, almost.

Your hand squeezes around his as if to remind him you're still here. He meets your eyes again and it's all it takes to break what little will he has left, as he lets you pull him close in a crushing hug--one that's all too welcomed.

And as the two of you lie awake in each other's embrace, he thanks all the gods he doesn't worship for putting you on his path.

[drizzledrawings]

Do you have a full master post of like your cowgirls lore, how they met, their backgrounds and situations they got in ect. I absolutely am obsessed with them.

Why thank you so so much

I’ve talked so much about them on here, but it’s scattered, and quite a lot of it has evolved lore wise

So let’s make this that master post:

Basic lore for this universe:

Set in a non specific time of the Wild West (implied to be the tail end of the era)

But with a magical twist. The folklore of things that are not quite human living alongside humanity is real, and they are hunted for their skin. It is a known fact that shapeshifters exist, and they are illegal. Though some peoples “magic blood” don’t always show itself as Shapeshifting, it can also appear as accelerated healing or acute senses. These people are generally referred to as beasts or animals

These transformations are hard on “beasts,” they take up a lot of strength to preform them, and if you’re injured in one form, it can take time before you’re able to switch. If you’re injured enough it can be permanent.

Brunette: Flora Guerra

She was born to an Italian immigrant family with strict parents, as well as the youngest daughter to five other children. When she was 16, her parents arranged a courtship with a much older man. Flora was furious, this rage culminated in her first transformation, unfortunately this happened in front of the man as well as the rest of her family. They immediately turned their backs on her, disgusted with what she was. Terrified, she fled. She hopped on trains and resorted to petty theft to make her way west, to a land she hoped would be freer than the life she left behind!

Her first big brush with the law was when she stole her horse Bandit from a man who was treating him poorly. She fled the scene but only after shooting one officer. (Thus her first ever bounty was for murder)

Her main way of making money was seducing men and robbing them blind while they were distracted by her beauty, unfortunately she picked up the wrong trick one day, a notorious gang leader, who instead of shooting her outright, brought a then 17 year old Flora back to his gang. She became “his girl” and used her looks to help him get what he wanted.

In the gang however there was one man who was like her! He could turn into a wolf, like how she could turn into a jackalope, they formed a bond, and when the gang fell apart, he was the one to get her out safely.

Ginger: Mattie (Matilda) Hayes

Mattie is the eldest daughter of her odd family. Her father and mother immigrated from Ireland, her mother dying during childbirth of her youngest child, Ben. Because of this, Mattie became the sole caretaker of him, very much raising him herself. The entire family were beasts of some sort.

Mattie could turn into a fox from a young age, her brother as well started to transform around the same time. (Though he was a cougar)

Their father, was also odd, in more ways than just beastly. He was a sour old man with a mean streak, drink had a mighty hold on him. After an incident that broke the camels back, involving hateful words and a smashed beer bottle, Mattie had enough. In a fit of rage she set fire to her father’s barn, in the aftermath She packed her bags and set to leave. She tried to get Ben to come, but he refused and told her to never come back. So she listened.

At 18, her and her horse June travelled the desert, finding odd jobs, pulling off some robberies, and failing at pickpocketing, this left her with quite a price on her head.

After a couple years of travelling by herself, the way she preferred, she ran into Flora for the first time.

First meeting:

They met as their animals first, Mattie was trying to hunt Flora but got startled by her horns.

Later on, she was trying to rob a man on the side of the road. Only for Flora to swoop in at the last moment and get the trick instead. (By “saving” the man, but picking his wallet a moment later)

That night, Mattie was nursing her hurt ego by drinking her weight at a saloon, but alas she couldn’t even enjoy her whiskey in peace, when the woman who stole her prize sat down at the bar with her.

Pissed off Mattie tried to storm away but bumped into an angry drunk, this turned into a full on bar fight. Which Flora dragged her away from and offered to patch up her wounds

They stuck together after that. But didn’t become lovers till much later

Flora fell first, but Mattie fell harder.

JESUS this is long I’m sorry

Anyways main plot:

Word gets to Mattie that her father is dead, and her younger brother has resorted to a life crime. He is being set to hang once he’s caught. She sets out to find him.

Flora’s old gang has picked up on her location, and they are hunting her down. Scared for Mattie’s safety she works with her old friend to figure out how to keep them off their trail.

The two of them have also been found out to be beasts by the law, so on top of being wanted because of their crimes, they are also being stalked by beast hunters.

Everything seems to be going okay, Mattie finds Ben, and together her and Flora help him get away from the noose, they look after him and bring them to their camp. They thought they were evading the hunters as well as the gang.

What they didn’t know was that Ben still held a grudge for Mattie leaving. He blames her for their father’s ultimate death.

He rats them out, not only to the hunters, but to Flora’s old gang. He figured that if he gave them their location, the law would let him go. They took the bargain.

The hunters and the gang ambush them, Ben leading the way.

Flora gets injured during the fight in her human form. Ben nearly kills her.

The siblings go head to head in their beastly forms, and against all odds, the fox beats the lion, killing the last remaining member of her family.

Flora, incredibly injured, cannot transform, and for reasons unknown to Mattie, she cannot switch back.

Years pass, Flora has a limp that doesn’t go away. She is never able to be her animal again. And Mattie, well, she didn’t get too injured that day, though it seems like something broke inside because she lost her human form.

They move north together, and live a peaceful life, even though it’s not quite normal. What with Mattie being a fox and all that.

A decade or so after everything, they’ve been out of the life for a long time, is when Mattie finally finds herself again. Though she’s very different to what she used to be, her human form had changed, more fox like and more wild, though still her. She can only take that form for bits at a time, but it’s something. They’re happy

If you read all of this… damn thank you!!

[heartfullofleeches]

Slasher Yan Idea for Suicidal Healer Deity Darling-

Disfigured and left for dead by those envious of their beauty, Yan seeks to share their fate with anyone they deem as perfect as they once were - creating masks for themselves in their victim's imafe. That... creature. They're unlike any of the muses they've had before. An aura unlike any other radiates from them. They're an angel, a god - They must have that face. As the killer aimed to strike down their prey, the deity didn't even pretend to be fazed as the knife was plunged into their back - face crinkling in disgust at their attacker's appearance.

"...You are one hideous bitch. Hold still."

What?- The deity acts too quickly for them to react - ripping the surgical mask from their face, burying their fingers into the mortals skin. Wait, stop- Let go- They can't break free, can't fight. The deity holds them too strongly for their body to receive the orders their oxygen deprived brain shouts out. Darling opens their mouth - using two fingers to keep the slasher's eyes open as saliva builds on their tongue. Stop, what are you doing?

The deity spits right at their empty eye socket - drool splattering on the scarred tissue where their left eye used to be.

What the hell??? They can't see! They can't see! They....can't see, but... they haven't been able to see out of that eye anyway since- The Slasher rubs at their eye as Darling releases them - blinking away the strings of spit clinging to their lashes and staring at the deity, bewilderment clear in both eyes. They pull their precious hand mirror from their pocket.

Their face.... They're.... beautiful again.

"There... You're healed. Hope you're able to fix that issue of you being so damn ugly eventually, but that's not really my problem."

What on earth are they talking about??? They are beautiful - isn't that what the deity meant when they called them hideous?

"Oh, no - I wasn't talking about your face. All you humans start to look pretty alike after a while. I called you ugly because what's what you are.... Anyway, I have more important things to do now like cry for twelve hours straight because I am forced to exist in the same reality as you creatures so...uh. bye."

The slasher isn't too sure what they mean, but they are sure of their new purpose. They've been given a second chance by God themselves and will do anything to remain at their side. Slaughters any pesky cultist who hunt their God because they're aware of how much Darling hates them - even though they're no worse than those worshippers

I've been calling them Dollface since I first thought of them. What do y'all think?

[hughiecampbelle]

The Boys Preference: Having The Same Abilities As Wolverine

Requested: Heyy! Can I request a the boys preference where reader is a supe who pretty much has wolverine's powers? Ty!! - @ghostlyaccurate

Requested: Hii can I request the boys pref x female wolverine? <33 - anon

A/N: Reminder my loves! Everything is written as gender neutral, I don't write specifically freader or mreader. I hope you like it! I am working 100% from Wolverines Wikipedia page lol since I forget most of his powers. Feedback is always appreciated 💜💜💜

Butcher finds your abilities both disgusting and impressive. Your super sight, smell, etc. are really helpful in certain situations. He jokingly calls you their own personal Tek Knight, which you shut down immediately. What's disgusting is when your claws come out, breaking through the skin of your knuckles. There's a lot of blood. There's a lot of pain even with your healing. And something about them just freaks him out. You jokingly try to poke him with them, touch him with them, and though he'd never admit it, he absolutely hates the feeling. There's just something wrong about them that he can't pinpoint or describe. They're helpful for sure and watching you use them is always gory, he'd just like for them to go away as quickly as possible.

Hughie finds you fascinating. The healing and the claws are always cool, but it's the fact that you're so much older than all of them, so much more experienced, and yet you age so little. Because you're body heals so well, you age at a slower rate than the rest of the world. While that's not totally new for Supes, he's always interested in hearing about your life. You have so much knowledge, so many more experiences, so many lives lived before this mess took over. You find it the least interesting part of your abilities, but Hughie's always had an appreciation for the underappreciated. He loves to listen to you talk about the past, what the world was like, what Vought and The Seven were like. It wasn't always this fucked, at least that's the conclusion he comes to as you talk. It was fucked, it was a mess, but the introduction of Homelander really set in stone this future.

Annie is your confidant. The healing factor has saved your and others lives countless times, but everyone forgets you can still feel pain. Long after your body has put itself back together, the phantom pain lingers. It's excruciating and, secretly, you live in fear of being torn apart. Days and weeks later, you move as if you're still broken. You'll wake up, confused for a moment, expecting to be torn limb from limb, before you come to your senses. Even your claws leave your hands raw, arthritic. You know Annie thinks about that more than anyone else. You told her one night about the pain and since then she's always been aware, quietly asking you if you're alright. Sometimes the pain goes away in a few hours, other times it takes weeks. It all depends on the severity. You try not to complain, knowing you must sound like a broken record, but she doesn't see it that way.

M.M., kind of like Butcher, is weirded out by your claws. He doesn't mind the healing or the heightened senses. For the most part, those things are hidden. It's the claws he gets the heebie jeebies from. You poke fun at him because of this. Out of all the Supe abilities you could have gotten, claws aren't the oddest thing you could have developed. He is reminded of Webweavers abilities and that puts things into perspective for a little while. He didn't trust you in the beginning. It was hard to show him you weren't just another Supe hopped up on V. You're a lot older than everyone, you've experienced more, you're wiser than he gives you credit for. He learns to trust you because of your level head. In situations where other people would be losing their shit, you're calm, cool, and collected. It isn't your abilities that make him befriend you, it's the person underneath them.

Frenchie both loves and hates your abilities. He finds your claws fascinating. Every time you use them he's left in awe. He loves watching you use them, the way you can hide them and bring them out when they're least expecting it. He doesn't find them weird or odd like his friends. They're amazing. He hates, though, that your heightened senses are basically a lie detector test he fails every time. You know when he's been drinking, smoking, getting high. You try not to make a big deal about it, but you do talk to him about it in private. You know when he's lying, though any non-Supe could figure it out when they learn all his tells. He's not as good as he thinks he is at lying. He's always amazed with your stamina, too. It's something a lot of people tend to overlook about your powers, but he doesn't.

Kimiko and you bond effortlessly. Your abilities are so similar and yet so different. Together you're a fantastic duo, unstoppable. She likes touching your claws, though hates the way they have to come out. She knows what it's like, to have to sacrifice yourself, your body, for the greater good. She knows what it's like to wake up confused and, for a moment, feeling as if you're missing parts of yourself. The two of you work together effortlessly and find a lot of humor in your abilities whereas everyone else sees a severed limb of broken bones, you can see just how silly the body is, how fragile and easily it both breaks and repairs itself. She loves your heightened senses and always tells her what you can find out: M.M. got a new chapstick (strawberry), Butcher ate something with peppers, Annie got Hughie a new cologne, etc.

[devildomditzy]

Wincing, you continue to wrap the mess of bandages around your damaged hand. Sure, you weren’t new to teleportation, and you can't even begin to count the times where Solomon failed to remind you to “stick the landing”, but you’re not sure if teleportation through time played by the same rules.

You’re lucky. Mammon caught you before you could hit the ground, because of course he does. Hell, just last week he caught you before you could trip your clumsy ass down the stairs in the hallway. Even in non threatening situations, his intuition to protect you over all else shone through his tough guy façade.

You instantly clung to him, because well, it’s him. Once you both landed, you leaned into his embrace. Though by now you were used to random cases of danger invading your daily life in the Devildom, plummeting from the sky unexpectedly is still enough to shake you up.

You let out a stuttering breath.

“Thanks, Mammon. I have absolutely no idea how I teleported up there. Maybe I don’t have as good a grip on my sorcery as I thought.”

You look up at him with a small smile, the one you know drives him crazy.

He returns it with a blank stare.

“How’d ya know my name?”

Something was clearly wrong.

“Not to be facetious, but I could heal that for you, you know. You could heal that for you.”

You glare up from your spot on the bed to make eye contact with Solomon.

“Gee, thanks for the reminder.”

His lips purse together in a thin line in a valiant attempt to hold back his laughter as he steps closer to you.

“You’ve got to admit, though unexpected, this turn of events is quite humorous, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, sure. I’m thousands of years in the past, my friends and boyfriend don’t recognize me, and I’ve only got you to keep me company. Hilarious.”

His lips upturn in a devious smirk. You hate that smirk.

“Aw, is it so bad to have to live with me? We’ve got all of Cocytus Hall to ourselves. I could wake up everyday and cook breakfast-"

“Please don’t.”

“We can divide up the chores, it’ll be like we’re newlyweds.”

Your wrapping halts so that you could look up at the pain in your ass. You need to ensure he sees the way you scrunch up your face in disgust.

“If I wasn’t in so much pain I’d slap you, but I won’t, consider it a favor.”

You continue wrapping the roll around your palm tightly, just like Mammon had taught you, as he did once before, right after you’d just met. A moment you remembered fondly, one of the first times that he hinted that he might see you as more than a friend. Even if he had a weird way of showing it. The thought makes you smile.

“Well, can we consider it a favor that I followed you all the way out here to ensure your wellbeing?”

You roll your eyes so hard he could probably hear them moving in your skull.

“Oh please, it’s you we’re talking about. There has to be some ulterior motive.”

He seems to pretend to ponder for a bit before tilting his head to the side.

“Ah, was I really that obvious?”

“Of course you were. 'Solomon the Wise' is anything but subtle,” you say, jeering his silly little nickname in a mocking tone.

A small chuckle shakes his head. “Well, I do really want to keep you safe, and return us back to our time with minimal temporal damage, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested to see what this time period had in store.”

You stop once again to give him a confused side eye. “Didn’t you already live this time period?”

His eyes seem to look a little far off, as they typically do when he’s lost in thought. “It was so long ago, I truly don’t remember much of it.”

“Hmm,” you hum finishing up the last of the wrapping and securing it in place. You attempt to flex your hand to the best of your ability. You swear you heard a pop. Your eyes begin to well up.

“Why aren’t you letting either of us heal you again?”, he questions after seeing your pained expression.

“I told you," you frown looking down at your sorry excuse for first aid. "I need a reminder that this isn’t some convoluted dream, or one of Levi’s weird games.”

“The fact that the brothers don’t remember you isn’t reminder enough?”

You know he’s joking, but Solomon always finds a way to get right under your skin in the worst way.

The tears that once threatened to bubble over begin to fall silently, streaking your face as you purposefully avoid eye contact.

“Ah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it, truly.”

You’re both quite for a moment. Surprisingly, the air in the room isn't awkward. It's just... solemn.

He breaks the silence first.

“I know how hard this must be for you, considering how close you all are. To be honest, I'm kind of jealous. So many people care for you so fiercely across all realms.”

You sniffle, wiping your face with the back of your hand.

“You didn’t see the way he looked at me, Sol. It was like I was nothing to him. He didn't even look at me like that the day I met him. ”

He sits down beside you on the bed, pulling an arm around you, allowing you to collapse into him.

“He only looked at you like that because here he doesn’t know you yet. In case you've forgotten, you weren’t exactly born yet,” he teases.

He gets a small chuckle out of you with that one.

As you calm down, you begin to really reflect on what you know, and what he’s told you so far.

“Wait, you mentioned temporal damage before. What did you mean by that?”

“That’s a tricky one. to explain. But I guess to put it in layman's terms; You cannot, no matter what happens, tell anyone that you and I are from the future. Doing so could have dire consequences.”

“Like, it could change how things happened in our time?”

“Precisely.”

“And doing so would cause-”

“Temporal damage, yes.”

You give a dejected sigh. “Doesn’t even matter if I tell them anyway, they’d never believe me.”

“On the off chance that any of them do, or you convince them of the fact, our original timeline could fall apart.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning you might never get to go back to the brothers you know today.”

You can’t hide the worry that flashes on your face, even if it was just for a second. You’re the two most powerful sorcerers the world has seen for a very long time, and yet you feel so powerless.

“I-I can’t really feel them anymore. Their pacts, I mean. They’re so faint. B-But, it worked on Satan! So they have to still be in tact, right?”

Solomon smiles at the little glimmer of hope lighting up your face.

“Yes, it’s true that you haven’t formed your pacts yet in this time period, but you’re still the same you from the present. The invisible bonds you share between yourself and the brothers are still connected.”

“How is that even possible?”

“MC," he sighs, trying to figure out the best way to explain. " You didn’t die in our timeline. You didn’t leave, you didn’t cast any spells or trigger any curse. You were just gone. There only thing I could trace was this slight time distortion, so I went off the only lead I had. I’m glad I did.”

“I’m glad too, or I’m afraid I would be dead by now.”

“If I didn’t go after you, I’d be dead by now too”, he laughs, “The brothers aren’t too forgiving when it comes to you.”

The notion fills you stomach with a warm feeling. A warm, thick, bittersweet feeling.

You still have the boys, but they don’t know you yet.

You still have your magic, but not nearly as strong.

You’re not alone, but neither of you have any inkling on how to get back.

Meanwhile in a place in time thousands of years from where you sit now, seven panicked demons are tearing their realm apart high and low to try to find any trace of you.

[callmewrinkles3]

Nothing new - DR3 x Fem!OC

Masterlist

Summary: Some decisions are difficult and bittersweet to make. During rocky times, sadness can be an unwise advisor, but with friends and family around, taking those decisions becomes easier.

Warnings: Fluff. Angst. Sex talk. Pregnancy talk. Mentions of mental health issues, pregnancy loss, injuries and past crashes -we don’t like you, Zandvoort 23- and past abusive family. McLaren being mentioned too, sorry.

Words: 16.2k

A/N: HELLO AGAIN. After a little post this morning we’re finally back with our long-as-hell-oneshot regular schedule. Let’s forget about what happened in Zandvoort for our own mental health 😌 Hope you like this mess of a oneshot, hope you are all well and promise we’re gonna post soon. See you around, kiddos.🫶🏻

June 2024.

If Em had to put a date on it, she'd say it started during Monaco weekend. But in her heart and soul she knew it was before then. It started with the realization that she didn't want to return to work. She wanted to just be Lulu's mum and Dan's wife and do it properly. She couldn't do both that and get back to work as Dan's assistant and do it right.

She simply didn't want to run around people anymore. She didn't want to squeeze through the paddock and the pit lane to organise things and get Dan on track. She was there anyway because she was Dan's wife. She was always going to support him. But now she had a chance to do it because she chose to, not because she had to.

It started while she was standing in the garage after FP3 in Monaco while she watched the sponsors looking at their brands neatly printed on the car. She understood people's passion for cars even though she didn't share them. However, she was disgusted by the men in suits who were only there to be there and take photos. That was the day she admitted she didn't want to go back to work and deal with them.

Em knew it all started with McLaren. She could make a ridiculously long list of the things the orange team took from her and her family. Her and Dan's physical and mental well-being was at the top of the list. A close second was her trust in people when she finally learned how to. She'd begun to make friends and trust and open up to people, but it was ripped away so suddenly it left a brand new wound that she was still trying to heal.

The other major thing they ruined was how much she adored her job. And if she was brutally honest with herself in therapy with Mildred she could admit it hurt the most. She loved her job. At the beginning when Dan told her she was getting paid it felt weird. Being paid by the man she was sleeping with and who she loved? It was strange. But she loved the job and the work she did. It gave Em a reason to be in the paddock and spend time with her boys. Working by Blake's side every day made her happy. She had a reason to spend basically every day with her best friend. Even when they joked they were sick of each other, Blake would give her a hug and swear he couldn't do it without her.

She used to find joy in planning their trips and booking places for dinners. It was fun to colour code schedules so they could tell at a glance what could be moved if needed. She liked running around the paddock with her pit access badge around her neck, her tablet in her arms, and her boys by her side. While she hated the spotlight and the whispered comments about her, at least at Renault she could deal with it. She had to deal with it and learned how by the time they arrived at McLaren.

When their bags became orange and Dan’s half of the wardrobe was filled with the colour it became a constant struggle. Work was a battle for her to be heard and listened to and able to get her point across, and then thanks to the poisonous atmosphere it affected her home life. And then it all fell apart.

McLaren broke them and it took a miracle to get them back together. Love gave them the patience to work on themselves and their relationship. They put the pieces back together once at a time, gluing them into place until they could hold. But even then something inside Em just felt dead.

Something in her had broken, and Dan couldn't help her fix it like he’d helped with everything else. She couldn’t even admit it until now. Back then she thought it was everything she’d lost in such a short space of time - Dan, their relationship, their home and her family. Then she blamed the miscarriage. She blamed her parents and everything they said and did. She also blamed Michael because he made everything more difficult even though she knew she shouldn’t.

There were times when she didn’t feel that broken part inside. She had her Danny, their family, and rebuilt their home together. She had his ring on her finger and their little wedding to promise they loved each other and then their big one to tell the world. They had their sunshine girl and there was nothing that could have prepared Em for the love she had for her baby Luna. But that broken love for her job never came back.

She wasn’t in a position to work when she got back to Dan’s side. She couldn’t think straight at the time, so it was ridiculous to consider working. She knew Blake and Dan agreed and said yes when she said she wanted to return. She knew it was their attempt to distract her from the mess of their lives, but it never happened, at least not in full capacity. Looking back, Em was aware it was all a terrible need to feel like things were normal in some way. It was her way to feel like she didn’t blow out her whole life for not having the courage to stand up to Dan and all her fears and ghosts. 

If she could barely gather the strength to make it to the paddock as Dan’s girlfriend, she wouldn't have the strength to work like she used to. The only thing that kept her going were Dan and Blake. She also knew she could stay hidden away from the world when she wasn't in the garage. Strength temporarily returned when McLaren decided to fight against Dan. She could barely keep herself standing, but she lifted and carried Dan, putting herself together as well as possible to keep him moving. Dan had been doing that for her for months, so she had to do it for him. 

The one last time the strength to work came back was when she had to walk into the MTC and face McLaren and the people she despised. She had to fight for the man she loved. She got there fought them and won, but all the energy was drained after that. It was a brief period and then her pieces started falling apart again. 

As the months passed the attention never turned back to that. She hated herself for leaving Blake on his own when he had too much on his plate, but she needed to focus on herself and Dan. She needed to hug him, kiss his cheeks and remind him that it was only a matter of time until they could be home for a year. In some months they would burn everything that was orange and had the name McLaren on it. It was a matter of time, then they could figure out what they were doing next. 

Em thought she could do it. She could keep it together for what was left of the year, but then she had to break her hand. Then everything was a constant battle with Michael, the criticism about her husband wouldn’t stop no matter what he did, and on top of that they faced her parents. By the end of the year Em could barely leave the bed, and any work-related matter was long forgotten inside one of her suitcases. 

Blake insisted she didn't have to return to action any time soon. Summer break was supposed to be used to disconnect and that's what Em and Dan needed to do. They could think about it later in the year, but in the meantime, they deserved some time off to heal, plan their wedding and be with their family. Blake had the same plan and after spending some time with Em and Dan in Perth, he was gonna fly home for the holidays to be with his family, but Charlie happened. He wasn’t expecting to meet and fall in love with a gorgeous, brilliant woman who was head over heels in love with him too. When it happened everyone was happy that it did. If someone deserved love and happiness that was Blake, so it was wonderful to see it come true. 

The idea of working became even less appealing to Em. Seeing her husband smiling again at a car launch was a sign she hadn’t seen in a while. The sight of Dan actually having fun again doing press and sponsor work was something Em thought was long gone. Even seeing Blake smiling so bright and big while looking at his phone made Em forget how terrible the previous year was for them.

That's how months passed and with them the incredibly excited news about their pregnancy. Then came their wedding, Scotty and Chloe’s wedding and Dan testing for Red Bull. Everything happened so suddenly that Em had to keep her focus on her Danny and that's what she did. By then, Em was in some meetings, but she was mostly on the side, holding Dan’s hand and promising everything would be alright. After all the difficult things they faced through it had to be alright for him and his career.

Dan breaking his hand wasn’t on her bingo card that year, making it all messy and complicated. He was finally in a car and had to step to the side before he could even taste it. Em never thought that at seven months pregnant she would be holding her husband’s good hand as he lay on a hospital bed ready for a multiple fracture surgery. She never thought she would have to sit there promising her husband everything would be alright while she was fighting one of their former friends for talking about Dan’s injury to the press. The last thing any of them needed was Michael sneaking into their business. Em was already nervous enough and it wasn't good for her pregnancy. 

Em hated to say it, but the accident was part disgrace and part blessing. Thanks to it they got more time off, allowing them to return to Perth for some extra days. They had the chance to be with their family for Grace’s birthday, Blake got to spend some extra days with Charlie, and they knew more than anyone how they needed to cherish extra time with their loved ones. Dan and Em even had some time to slowly putting something together at Lulu’s nursery in the farm, so something good came out of it. 

As months passed by, things got crazier with organizing their lives and Dan returning back to racing, but nothing ever got as crazy as when Lulu finally arrived. Their whole universe changed, their world shifted and nothing really mattered after that. 

There was a lot of mess in their lives, but they were happy and for the first time, things seemed to be going their way. Maybe that is why Em found it so difficult to think about finishing her maternity leave at the time. It was agreed that Em would take a few months off and then we would see how things were going and how she felt at that time. She was thankful to be able to spend as much time as possible with her newborn baby. She was grateful for the opportunity to spend this time with her family, and she made the most of it. That's why Em decided it was best for her to stay off work.

Not only was Dan too busy, but Lulu was so tiny. If Em was working Lulu would be right there with them in the paddock and Charlie was gonna be looking after her, but Em just couldn’t. It wasn’t about Charlie. She was like Lulu’s second mum. They knew Charlie and Blake would always love her and protect her, that's why they were her godparents. It wasn’t them, but Em not willing to take her attention from her daughter. She really wanted to be with Lulu and spend time with her. In one of her therapy sessions, Mildred told Emma it was perfectly normal and understandable. Being a first time mom, considering all the things that have happened to them and how much they wanted to have a baby, it was logical that given the option Em would want to be there with their daughter all the time. Em wanted to take that chance. Dan always reminded her how privileged and lucky they have a good life not worrying about a lot of things. For once she was gonna pay attention to her husband and enjoy doing nothing except looking after her family. Em finally had the life and family she never thought she would have and wanted to enjoy them. 

Admitting it to herself was one of the most difficult things Em had to do in a long time. She felt that she had no reason not to work. There were two voices in her head: one was her mother's voice telling her to stay at home and not work because that was what a woman should do and the other was her own feelings of regret about not working. She had no idea what it was like not to work. Emma has worked non stop since she was seventeen and had to take care of herself. Having a baby was no excuse because there were all those other mums out there having their kids, doing their jobs, and running their homes. Not loving her job anymore shouldn’t be an excuse. 

As Mildred told her, being with her family was a strong reason. Not wanting to compromise her mental health was comprehensible. Not wanting to do it was a perfectly fine reason too, but if Emma needed something stronger, then her family was good enough. The main reason why Emma started working with Dan was to help him and Blake, so now she could keep helping as a wife and a friend instead of as an assistant. Priorities shifted and hers changed. Her priority was her family and it was perfect. 

Before she took any decisions Emma decided she needed to talk to Blake and then to Dan. Even when back in the day Dan was the one paying her salary and technically her boss, Blake was the one who worked side-by-side with Em. For the world Blake was Em’s boss, but they worked together to make things run as smoothly as possible. After all the messes she made she wanted to talk to him before making any decision, especially if it included him.

“If technically I didn't want to work again, what would happen?” Em asked Blake once they were alone for more than two minutes. Charlie was napping, Dan was out on a short walk with Lulu and Steve, so it was only her and Blake as she worked on dinner.

“Nothing. I mean, I miss working with you, but that doesn’t mean I can’t ask you to double check one small thing for me cause you are going to be right there sitting in front of me.” Blake shurgged as he drank his coffee.

“Really? You won’t be mad at me? And how many cups did you have today, B?”

“Emma Charlotte Ricciardo, I swear to God. Really? Ain’t we way past that? You know I won't get mad at you. And don't ask me such thing as how much coffee I had.” He smiled, knowing the answer was probably too many cups. Between work, a wedding being planned on the other side of the world, and helping care for his baby niece Blake was tired, but he was a happy man.

“Fine. But about the other thing, I just wanna know, alright?"

“Timmy, I’ve been waiting for you to say the word for months. I knew you weren’t coming back for some time now, and if I'm honest I’m happy you are not. It means you’ve got something way better going on. You’re too good for all this mess, Em. You’re seriously too damn good for this weird circus."

Em smiled shyly as she looked at the water starting to boil in front of them. She really had something good going on in her life. She really had an excellent reason not to go back. The fact that Blake agree was a big relief. It was a big weight off her shoulders. “I wanted to. I really did. Working with you again would be so good. But I… They need me, Blakey. They need me and I need to be Lu’s mum and Dan’s wife and nothing else.”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me, Em. If that’s what you want, then you'll do that.” Em simply nodded at her friend’s words. She couldn't imagine doing anything else. She hoped it would be different in the future, but not at the moment. “Hey, you know how proud I am of you? That shy woman next door is this brilliant woman with a husband and a baby and a life. And a pretty cool brother, too. That’s pretty cool, Timothy.”

“You’re a silly man. But you’re right. I can’t believe it either. It’s kinda scary, you know?”

“Nothing and especially nobody will take that from you. I promise you. You just look after them and let me make sure you’re ok too. We’re a family, Timmy. We don’t need to work together to look after each other. You’re my sister and that's it. I love you no matter what. And I know Charlie feels the same way."

The shy girl Blake met all those years ago and was absolutely lonely and scared of everything wouldn’t have asked for a hug, but it was another story with the actual Emma. She didn’t hesitate, leaving the spoon on the table and moving the sauce she was making away from the fire to give Blake a hug. Her brother was on her top five list of Best hugs in the world, and she would steal one whenever she could. That afternoon seemed like an excellent time to get one.

“I love you too, B. And I love that wife of yours." Emmy smiled, resting her head comfortably against Blake’s chest.

“Three months and she’ll finally be my wife. Can you believe that?” As Blake kissed the top of her head, she could feel him smiling at her. Em didn’t think she ever saw someone as excited to get married as Blake was. Dan was happy and excited when they did too. He always said meeting Em, getting her back, marrying her and having Lulu were the highlights of his life. She never doubted her husband's words, but Blake was next level of happiness and joy. He was like a happy kid with candy and a brand-new toy, still pinching himself to check it was not a dream. At least once a week he asked Charlie and even Dan and Em if it was really happening, simply because he couldn’t believe he was marrying the love of his life.

“Honestly I can believe it. But it was the best decision you ever made, darling."

"That and saying hi to my nice new next door neighbor. That was an excellent call too.” Blake insisted, giving Em one last squeeze and kiss on the top of her head before he finally let her make dinner.

“It was a smart idea. Second smartest after proposing to Char.” Em smiled, grabbing the wooden spoon to stir the sauce. After filling it, she placed it in front of her friend. “Now try it and let me know if it's good or not."

“What do you mean if it's good? Mama Emmy's sauce is always good." Blake grabbed the spoon and ate it all up. As he smiled, Em could tell what he was thinking about it. She couldn't help but smile back. She knew they all loved her magical sauce, and that made her feel special. Em always felt a some sense of pride as she watched her family enjoy the food she made. She always thought her cooking was more about love than skill, so it filled her with joy to know it put a smile on their faces. "It makes so much sense that you married into an Italian family. This is so incredible it's ridiculous."

As simple as her talk with Blake was, she was terrified of talking to Dan. He wasn't going to say it was a terrible idea or anything like that. She knew her husband would support her in whatever she did. He was always supportive and made sure his loved ones had smiles on their faces. But admitting it to Dan would make it real. If she admitted it to him, then it would be like finally admitting it to herself and signing the resignation letter. Talking to Dan meant making it final. It was terrifying, even when she knew it was the right thing for her and her family.

Before Emma could find the right moment to do it, Dan found it for them. With Lulu in the park and grocery shopping with her godparents, Dan and Em were at home to give them some grown-up time. They never complained. They loved spending time with their daughter, but Charlie insisted.

"Do married couples stuff, alright? No work, just normal people stuff. We're gonna go get some candy and swing in the park before we get sick of you, mum and dad". Those were Charlie's words as she held Lulu and Blake laughed, grabbing Lulu's bag ready to leave. It was a kiss to their daughter before they walked out the door. Soon after, Dan dragged Em to the couch.

She always said she had the superpower of knowing what Dan needed, and that day it was to hug his wife. He needed to wrap his arms around her body and hold her as close as possible. It took Em a minute to realize it wasn't about him, but about her. Dan knew something was bothering her, so he held her until she found the words. He knew it could take a couple of minutes or even hours, but he waited patiently.

"You're waiting for me to say why I'm overthinking, right?" Em finally broke the silence as she placed kisses over his neck and shoulder.

"I have all day, so there's no hurry." Dan's patience was one of the things she admired about him. Or at least his patience with her. It gave Em a safe space where she knew there was no hurry or rush. No matter what her fears or anxieties were, no judgment was made. Dan understood better than anyone else that some conversations needed time, so he held her safely, giving her all the time she needed.

“We gotta go back to mum and dad when Lu is back, so not all day."

“You know Blake and Charlie won't have any issues looking after her for the night if we need it."

“You and I both know it won’t happen. A day off at home? She’s gonna be squeezed between us as soon as she crosses that door." she smiled, feeling how Dan nooded in agreement. Days off were family days, so there was no way Lulu was going to spend the night away from them. But Dan was right and Em didn't want to have that conversation with their daughter at home. “I don’t need you to promise me you won’t get mad, right? ”

“Not at all. You know you can tell me anything you want, Emmy." Dan assured, looking down at her. His big brown eyes always made Em feel better. Dan always looked at her with love and adoration, exactly the kind she thought didn't exist before they met. Combined with the sweet way he kissed her, it gave her the strength to finally talk to her husband.

“I just- I don’t think I want to work anymore? I mean, not forever, but for some time? It's not about you or B. You know I love working with you both, but... I don't know, baby. I guess F1 is not my cup of tea, y'know? I don't want to work there, Dan. Not in the paddock and around all that craziness. I thought it was fun for a while, but then I got tired of it. They ruined the fun for me. I can't do it anymore. I keep showing up because it's your job, but I like it less and less every day, Dan. There are so many people around that it's hard to cope. I know it won't be healthy for me to work again. Not there and especially when Lu is so small and you need-"

Emma suddenly stopped talking when she realized what she was gonna say. She didn't want to overstep, but Dan kissed her before continuing talking for her. “You can say it. I need you. I really need you. I know it. I’m not ashamed or scared to admit I need my wife and daughter by my side. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it."

“And I need you. I need my family. I need to just be your wife and Lulu’s mum. I want to just be just Em for a while. I have to look after my family, baby. I want to keep things like this and be available for my babies. And it's scary because I don't even know what it was like not to work. The only time I didn't do it was when I was sick. And there’s this voice inside my head saying it's the wrong thing to do, but I really need it."

"Remember the day I knocked on your door asking what to do with Red Bull?" Dan asked, taking Em's hand to kiss her wedding rings.

"You at my door with lemon cake, wine and the biggest puppy eyes? How could I ever forget?". It felt like yesterday even though it had happened six years later. She would never forget his crazy curls and handsome face on the other side of the door asking if he could come in. If she closed her eyes she could feel the nerves in her stomach for having him there. She even remembered his perfume filling the room. It was his eyes that Emma remembered most. He really looked like a kicked puppy. He had a mix of confusion, sadness and worry that made her want to hug him and kiss the frown away from hid face. There was no way she would ever do that, so instead she sat there in front of him, trying to be helpful to the the man she was convinced that was never going to look at her as more than just a friend.

"I was shitting my pants all the way to your place. I had no idea how to knock on your door and say I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to see you so badly you have no idea." Dan confessed, making Em smile shyly. She had no idea about that day. She couldn’t believe Dan was scared about it, but deep down she knew her Dan was a shy guy. The man behind that extrovert personality and big smile was still a shy person who took months, a difficult race, and an unbelievable amount of drunkenness before kissing her for the first time.

"We were just kids, huh?"

"Yeah, we were just kiddos. We really were just kids trying to figure shit out. But you remember what you asked me that day?"

"The wrong thing probably?"

“It wasn't wrong, baby.” Em couldn’t help but smile at her husband. She wasn’t surprised by his answer. Despite the fact that it probably wasn't the best thing, Dan was sure Em never said anything wrong. For Daniel, his wife was always right in some way. He was convinced she was the brightest, smartest, wisest person in the world, so his Emmy was absolutely right. She knew she had fucked up by not telling him not to sign with Renault and especially with McLaren. Em knew she should have stopped him right away, but Dan always insisted she hadn't said anything wrong. Em only gave him advice, but he took the decision on his own. “You asked me what I wanted. You told me to follow my gut. You told me to listen to my heart. That’s what I did. Now I'll tell you the same thing. What does your heart say? Not your head, just your heart and guts."

It was such an easy call. Because it was such an easy decision, Em didn't have to think twice before saying it out loud. “I want to be with you and Lu as much as possible, Dan.”

“Then we do that.”

“What about the brand?”

“Thats not a problem, Em. We keep doing what we've done so far. It's working just fine, but if it doesn't, we'll figure out a way. It's not like you won't give me your opinion. You know you can be in meetings whenever you want. It's alright. And if you ever want to go back, you can do it. Enchanté will always be our thing. It was our first real project together, and that won't change. It's ours no matter what. And if one day you want to do something completely different, that's fine too. You have all the choices and time to decide. We're lucky to be able to do this without worrying about many things, so just stick with your heart."

"I just don't wanna disappoint you, Dan. And it won't be forever"

"You could never do such a thing, baby. The fact that you're doing this in part cause I need you? Cause our family needs you? I'm nothing but grateful, Wrinkles. I just want you to be happy. If it lasts forever but you're happy, that's it. You know what they say, 'Happy wife happy life'. Here at home it's more like 'Happy wife, happy baby, happy husband, happy life'. If my baby mama's good, then we're all happy."

"Thank you. For everything you do for us. And for loving me so hard and not giving up on me."

"Loving you is the easiest thing to do, Mrs Ricciardo." After one long hug the decision was finally taken and sealed with a kiss. It was the right thing for everyone, so Em was happy to accept it.

The one thing they agreed on was to take care of the paperwork for her resignation in another moment, probably during the summer break after Charlie and Blake’s wedding. For too imany reasons it wasn’t the ideal moment to deal with it, so they would rather wait and focus their energy and time in other more important things.

The last couple of months - to not say the last couple of years - have been an emotional roller coaster for them. They had been doing every single possible thing so Dan could focus his energy on work, that’s why after Monaco he decided to take drastic measures. Dan talked to his team, friends, and family, but then his with wife. She knew what was coming when they sat in bed. She knew what her husband asked everyone. For six long, difficult, crazy, and beautiful years, they had most of their crucial conversations and made most decisions from their bed. It ended up becoming their tradition and none of them planned to change it, especially not that night.

Em held his hands and brought them to her hips, kissing his wedding rings before the question fell over them. She knew the answer to "What can I do to not waste that much energy during race weekends?" The team would do its part by cutting sponsorship presentations and marketing obligations. Blake would take care of more things, but Em could only do one thing. The second they found out Em was pregnant they made a deal that she would take care of most things if Dan was working. She reminded him of their deal the second Dan had an AlphaTauri contract over the table ready to sign. Now the only option was to reduce family time during race days. No more getting up extra early to cuddle Lulu and give Em some extra minutes of sleep as he fed her and changed her for their day. No more staying up extra late to cuddle their baby to sleep and do their bottle-pjs-storytime routine at night and then have five extra minutes of cuddling with Em. There was no more running around the paddock to see them for a second when he had more than three seconds free. The other thing that Em decided to give up on over the weekend was sex. It was the first thing Em cut from the list, choosing to let it go long before she decided to do full parenting over the weekend on her own. She was Dan’s wife, but she was also Luna’s mom and they swore to put their daughter first no matter what.

She was terrified of what could come of all that. After all they had been through Em was aware of how strong their relationship was. She knew where their priorities lay and how it worked for them, but it was scary. They changed from a pair of scared young adults with a highly active sexual life who could barely stay away from each other and keep their clothes on when they were together to a married couple and parents of a six-month-old daughter. Their sex life was still active and they still loved it, but things were different and that was scary. She knew herself and her Dan, but fear was always there. She knew Dan was never gonna allow it, but Em was terrified all those decisions were going to push her husband away and ruin her family.

Emma knew that was not the answer Daniel wanted. There was a list of things Dan wasn’t willing to do. Leaving his wife and daughter to the side and spending even less time with them was not one of those things. They were the best part of his life. He had his family and friends and loved them to pieces, but Em and Lulu were the air he breathed. His girls were the center of his world and who he loved more in the entire universe. They had his whole heart in their hands and he was happy it was all theirs. They were the whole reason for absolutely everything and he was not ashamed of saying it out loud. That's why he didn’t want to spend less time with them. He knew the sacrifices they were making for him to live his dream. Em had to live the pregnancy in a rollercoaster that was nothing like the chill year off Dan promised. She had to travel the world, live part of the time in Italy, help their friends in a long distance relationship, lift Dan when he broke his hand and see him get back to racing all in half a year. Then when she was absolutely not ready for it they had to move from the comfort and happiness of their lives in Perth all the way back to Europe when she should be home getting used to being a first-time mom and all that it brought with it. They had to deal with the insanity of being first-time parents and a new season while having a legal battle with Emma’s parents. At six months old Lulu visited more countries and had more stamps in her passport than many adults had in a lifetime. They never signed for that life, especially not Lulu, so he wanted to make it count. He wasn’t making them pass through all that to end up outside the points on a race weekend. Daniel wouldn't do that to them. He wasn’t willing to be that kind of husband and father. 

When she saw her husband's eyes shining with tears, the fear only became stronger. Em could see how he rethought and reconsidered every option and decision he made. Dan promised again and again that she would be his top priority. He swore their child was going to always be the top priority in his life, but now it was all slipping from his fingers. He had counted hours to be a husband and dad for three or four days, and now his job was taking that away. Emma felt like the villain because she was taking it away from him even if it was for the sake of his career. She was feeling like the most awful person in the world when she did it. She felt like the worst mother and wife that ever existed when her husband whispered “Baby please don’t take that from me” as she mentioned how night routines would be her thing. Her main job was to look after Lulu and Danny. Her one thing was to protect them and help them but instead she made her husband cry silent tears. She was a failure and it felt like she was bringing her marriage to an inevitable ruin, but she had to do it for Dan. Work was work and she knew that from day one, no matter how it hurt. Between tender kisses all over his face, Em promised them they would be there no matter what. She was gonna be right by his side with their baby, holding his hand and loving him as much as she always did. Their schedules might change, but not their love for each other.

The one thing they agreed on was to take care of the paperwork for her resignation in another moment, probably during the summer break after Charlie and Blake’s wedding. For too many reasons it wasn’t the ideal moment to deal with it. Instead, they would rather wait and focus their energy and time on other more important things.

The last couple of months - to not say the last couple of years - have been an emotional roller coaster for them. They had been doing every single possible thing so Dan could focus his energy on work, that’s why after Monaco he decided to take drastic measures. After talking to his team, friends, and family, Dan spoke to his wife. She knew what was coming when they sat in bed. She knew what her husband had asked everyone. For six long, difficult, crazy, and beautiful years, they had most of their crucial conversations and made most decisions from their bed. It became their tradition and none of them planned to change it, especially not that night.

Em held his hands and brought them to her hips, kissing his wedding rings before the question fell over them. She knew the answer to "What can I do to not waste that much energy during race weekends?" The team would do its part by cutting sponsorship presentations and marketing obligations. Blake would care for more things, but Em could only do one thing. The second they found out Em was pregnant they made a deal that she would take care of most things if Dan was working. She reminded him of their deal the second Dan had an AlphaTauri contract over the table ready to sign. Now the only option was to reduce family time on race days. No more getting up extra early to cuddle Lulu and give Em some extra minutes of sleep while he fed her and changed her. No more staying up extra late to cuddle their baby to sleep and do their bottle-pjs-storytime routine at night and then have five extra minutes of snuggling with Em. There was no more running around the paddock to see them for a second when he had a moment free.

The other thing that Em decided to give up on over the weekend was sex. It was the first thing Em cut from the list, choosing to let it go long before she decided to do full parenting over the weekend on her own. She was Dan’s wife, but she was also Luna’s mom and they swore to put their daughter first no matter what.

She was terrified of what could come of all that. After all they had been through Em knew how strong their relationship was. She knew where their priorities lay and how it worked for them, but it was still scary. They changed from a pair of scared young adults with a highly active sexual life who could barely stay away from each other and keep their clothes on when they were together to a married couple and parents of a six-month-old daughter. Their sexual life was still active and they still loved it, but things were different and that was scary. She knew herself and her Dan, but fear was always there. She knew Dan was never gonna allow it, but Em was terrified all those decisions were going to push her husband away and ruin her family.

Emma knew that was not the answer Daniel was looking for. There was a list of things Dan wasn’t willing to do. Leaving his wife and daughter to the side and spending even less time with them was not one of those things. They were the best part of his life. He had his family and friends and loved them to pieces, but Em and Lulu were the air he breathed. His girls were the center of his world and who he loved the most in the universe. They had his whole heart in their hands and he was happy it was all theirs. They were the whole reason for everything he did, and he was not ashamed of saying it out loud. That's why he didn’t want to spend less time with them.

He knew the sacrifices they were making for him to live his dream. During the pregnancy, Em lived a rollercoaster ride that was nothing like the relaxing year off Dan promised. She had to travel the world, spend part of the time in Italy, and help their friends in a long distance relationship. She had to lift Dan when he broke his hand and see him return to racing in half a year. Then when she was absolutely not ready for it they had to move from the comfort and happiness of their lives in Perth to travel all the way back to Europe. She should have been home getting used to being a first-time mom and all it brought. If it wasn't enough, they had to deal with the insanity of being first-time parents and the upcoming season while having a legal battle with Emma’s parents. At six months old Lulu visited more countries and had more stamps in her passport than many adults had in a lifetime. They never signed for that life, especially not Lulu, so he wanted to make it count. He wasn’t making them go through all that to end up outside the points on a race weekend. Daniel wouldn't do that to them. He wasn’t willing to be that kind of husband and father. 

When she saw her husband's eyes shining with tears, fear only became stronger. Em could see how he was rethinking and reconsidering every option and decision he made. Dan promised she would be his top priority. He swore their child would always be the top priority in his life, but now it was slipping from his fingers. He had counted hours to be a husband and dad for three or four days, and now his job was taking that away.

Emma felt like the villain because she was taking it away from him even if it was for the sake of his career. She felt like the worst person in the world when she did it. She felt like the most horrible mother and wife that ever existed when her husband whispered “Baby please don’t take that from me” as she mentioned how night routines would be her thing. Her main job was to look after Lulu and Danny. The only thing she wanted to do was protect them and help them, but instead, she made her husband cry silent tears. She was a failure and it felt like she was bringing her marriage to an inevitable ruin, but she had to do it for Dan. Work was work and she knew that from day one, no matter how it hurt. Between tender kisses all over his face, Em promised them they would be there no matter what. She would be right by his side with their baby, holding his hand and loving him as much as she always did. Their schedules might change, but not their love for each other.

But even knowing it was temporary, the guilt didn’t go away for weeks. They had one week off after Monaco and half of it was both of them feeling guilty about their decisions. Dan promised that the week would be exclusively for the three of them, and it started by taking Lulu to the beach Dan bought Em over their first weekend together in Monaco.

Em couldn’t help but think Monaco was cursed for them. They cursed it after getting together. Year after year, it was one terrible thing after another. It was so awful that she didn't like being there at all. She knew they had to for legal reasons, but she didn’t like to spend more than necessary there. Monaco had so many memories Em felt like she couldn’t breathe there. After they got back there, they moved their things to another apartment on the opposite side of the city. The apartment had a beautiful view, two rooms and a more spacious kitchen than the old apartment had, but Em still wasn’t happy. Em couldn’t help but feel out of place because she didn’t belong there. She was still the girl who loved her simple life in London. She loved being home and having a normal life doing normal things such as grocery shopping, fixing dinner for her family and doing laundry. She could tell Dan wasn’t happy to be there either. He could see how his wife was uncomfortable and his daughter was less chilled out. Lulu wasn’t grouchy, but she got irritated faster when they stayed there.

The one happy day they had in Monaco after their terribly difficult conversation was when they decided to return to the beach where they had been all those years back after they slept together for the first time. It was Dan’s desperate need to spend time with his family who brought them there, and Em was delighted they did it. Seeing Lulu giggling was one of the counted good things that happened to them there in the last few years. Maybe it was the one happy thing that happened to them. Watching her husband holding their daughter so she could wet her tiny feet in the ocean was one of those memories that would last forever. Watching her water-loving baby smiling at the sensation of the waves hitting her skin was all Em needed to feel lighter even if just for a few hours. That and being held by her husband as he promised everything would be alright kept her going through the week.

Having some family time in New York and traveling to their house in Austin also helped ease her heavy heart. She knew it was a matter of days until they started their ‘No more distractions over the race weekend’, but first they had some normality. They lived a couple of days like any normal family, doing mundane things any couple with a baby would do. Doing the dishes at their home and taking Lulu to the park felt like a privilege and Em soaked it up. She enjoyed every second with her loves until they had to fly to Canada.

When they reached Thursday and press day it was all gone and the reality of her words hit her as hard as possible. Waking up to Dan still asleep and not sitting down in bed holding Lulu almost brought tears to her eyes, but she stopped herself. She took a deep breath to control her emotions, trying to keep them together. The last thing Dan needed was to wake up with his wife crying. He had been through that too many times in the last couple of years. Two years earlier they were in Montana, crying all day and giving Dan the chance to walk away from their relationship before heading to Canada. When they were there she had to ask Dan to keep Michael away from her for some time because she just couldn’t handle his comments. Things were completely different, but memories weren’t easy and she knew it. It was not easy, it was still somehow in the back of his head, that’s why Em didn’t want him to add more worries to his already long list. 

It was her job. One of the reasons Emma left her job as Dan's assistant was that she didn't love it any more. She had a much longer list, including her mental health on top. But one of the most significant reasons was focusing on her family. Her priority was her family. The first two people on her list were her Dan and her Lulu. She got up, made her way to the bathroom and walked straight to their daughter to start their morning in silence while Dan rested. 

She loved the quiet, soft, slow moments with Lulu in the morning. Em loved cuddling and feeding her baby while ignoring the world outside their room. Lulu’s big brown eyes looking up at her were one of the most incredible things that ever happened to her. She couldn't believe how that six-month-old beauty with crazy tiny curls was her daughter. She couldn’t believe how each day Lulu looked more and more like Dan. For Em it was glorious because if Lulu didn’t look like her, she wouldn’t look like Emma’s mother. Thankfully, their baby was full Ricciardo which gave Em nothing but joy, especially considering Dan was the most handsome man in the world for her. Being able to stay there with Lulu in her arms looking at Dan sleeping peacefully was a privilege for Em.

For an hour and a half, her husband's snores were Em's background noise as she cuddled, kissed and changed Lulu. As Em got ready for their day, she smiled at Dan. She had no idea how she used to sleep without Dan as her white noise. She barely remembered how it was to go to bed without his arms wrapped around her. She couldn't even think how it was to wake up without his curls and stubble tickling her skin. Em could not help but laugh because she never imagined marrying a man who occasionally loved a mustache on his face. However, she loved Dan and all his weird and questionable facial hair choices. She must have giggled too loudly because Dan stirred as she talked to Lulu.

Maybe Emma giggled too loudly and made too much noise without realizing, because as she talked to Lulu, Dan started to stir. Like every morning she kissed his forehead. It became a small tradition and whoever was up first always did that while whispering a little good morning. Em cut too many things from his routine, but that wasn’t one of them. Em wouldn't leave behind the extra five or ten minutes of cuddles in bed. Those small things she was not willing to give up on. She might not let her husband get up earlier, but her family was gonna have their usual cuddle session to start the day like they always did. She wasn’t willing to take from her beloved family their morning little ritual of Dan kissing Lulu good morning. It was her face first, then her hands, tummy and feet, making her giggle with joy, dimples full on display, exactly like her daddy. It was all those moments that made Em remember every single decision and sacrifice was worth it if the loves of her life were happy. She was exhausted, but it gave her an extra shot of energy to hear Dan call her Mama as he talked to Lulu.

Em knew it was probably too soon to say and see any changes, but seeing her husband doing so well in Canada was like a breath of fresh air. A wonderful P5 in quali and P8 in the race was more than they expected. Em never doubted him, but trusting what the car could do was a completely different story.

Canada was wonderful, but they were just incredibly excited about visiting Barcelona. They were looking forward to meeting their family there, so it was good news for everyone. With Isabella and Isaac on school break, the family spent some time in Europe with Dan, Em and Lulu. It was all they really needed. Just as a toothless smile from their daughter could lift their spirits, a hug from the kids or Grace or Joe could lift their spirits. It was healing to watch them all cover Lulu in love when they couldn’t do it for months. It was magical to see Joe and Grace holding their tiny granddaughter and the kids playing with their baby cousin.

Having their family there not only meant much needed family time, but also Grandparents in charge. Lulu would spend at least a whole afternoon with Grace and Joe every time they were with them. They loved their grandkids, so spending the day with them was absolutely wonderful. That also allowed Dan and Em to have adult time without their baby around. Grace and Joe insisted the four of them needed some time to be just adults without thinking about the baby in the family and that's what they did.

Dan and Blake promised to join Charlie and Em later in the afternoon after press day in the circuit, which left the two women having brunch and part of a girls day. They normally did it with Lulu, going for a walk, lunch and maybe some shopping just the three of them until the boys returned. One of the things Em got thanks to Charlie being around was more freedom. With Em not working and Dan not in the car on Thursday, there was really no need for the girls to be at the track while the boys worked. One day they decided to turn Thursday morning and afternoon into girls days and it stuck. They sometimes skip it depending on the country, but for a big part of the calendar it was their thing. It didn’t change when Lulu was born, only transformed into a more baby-friendly version of it. With Lulu around it wouldn’t include alcohol, but when it was only Em and Charlie they would always have a glass of rosè.

Doing it in sunny Barcelona normally would put a smile on Em’s face. It was one of the places with more happy memories for them. Her first race was there and she couldn’t forget how happy Dan looked when he saw she was really there after insisting so much. She remembered his cute selfies back in 2018 when it was snowing and he was all covered in a scarf and a Red Bull beanie complaining how he didn’t like the cold and especially the snow. The same happened in 2019, Dan coming and going to London to see her on his free days between one week of testing and the other. She could never forget their nights snuggling in her hotel room in 2020 when she was finally working with him, trying to hide from the world because they weren’t supposed to be together but they just couldn’t stay away from each other. Dan hiding his face against her chest as he hugged her body, saying he was too cold even when the room was perfectly warm, enough for them to not use clothes while they slept. Even the previous year, because they weren’t there during the race but Dan gave them a reason to visit to have his hand surgery. Those were some of the most stressful days of her life, but she was never going to forget her husband waking up from the anesthesia whispering “You’re really pretty but I have a very hot pregnant wife” as he smiled lazily at her, trying in vain to reach her bump with his good hand.

Barcelona had too many good memories and she didn’t want anyone ruining that for them. But even with all those happy memories and stories, Em couldn’t stop thinking about everything that was happening. All the comments and rumors and talks about her husband were haunting her, making it hard for her to stop overthinking, even when she was supposed to be enjoying her day off with her friend.

Doing it in sunny Barcelona would normally put a smile on Em’s face. The place held many happy memories for them. Her first race was there and she couldn’t forget how happy Dan looked when he saw she was really there after insisting so much. She remembered his cute selfies back in 2018 when it was snowing and he was covered in a scarf and a Red Bull beanie, complaining how he didn’t like the cold and especially the snow. The same happened in 2019, Dan coming and going to London to see her on his free days between one week of testing and the other. She could never forget their nights snuggling in her hotel room in 2020 when she finally worked with him, trying to hide from the world because they weren’t supposed to be together but they just couldn’t stay away from each other. Dan hid his face against her chest as he hugged her tightly, saying he was too cold even when the room was perfectly warm, enough for them not to wear clothes while they slept. Even the previous year, because they weren’t there during the race but Dan gave them a reason to visit to have his hand surgery. Those were some of the most stressful days of her life, but she would never forget her husband waking up from anesthesia whispering “You’re really pretty but I have a very hot pregnant wife” as he smiled lazily at her, trying in vain to reach her bump with his good hand.

Barcelona had too many happy memories and didn't want anyone ruining them. But even with all those happy memories and stories, Em couldn’t stop thinking about everything that was happening. Even on her day off with her friend, she found it difficult to stop overthinking due to all the comments, rumors, and discussions about her husband.

“What’s going on?” Charlie asked out of the blue, glass in her hand as the sun shined down on her, making her look like something absolutely divine.

“Nothing.” It was typical Em trying to avoid the inevitable conversation, but knowing it was in vain to try at all. It was Charlie after all.

“Baby…”

“Nothing, Char.”

“Kay, right, lie to your bestie.”

“I’m not lying!”

“Then tell me what’s in your head. I know you, my dear. Maybe you don’t remember but I have a PhD in psychology. Might be in child psychology, but people’s minds are the same. Plus I know all of your faces and you've got the 'I'm worried' face on right now. I know a lot of things worry you but tell me which one is putting a frown across your face." Oh my God, how much she loved Charlie. The fact that she was right about everything she said made it funny. She was so skilled at reading people that it was difficult to hide something from her. It was especially difficult when they spent hours and days together, but Em tried. She tried to keep it chill and quiet, hiding behind her own wine glass. "Alright, I'll guess. Is it Dan and the noise of the silly season?" Check mate.

“You really know me a bit, don’t you?” Em smiled, taking a sip and breathing deeply before talking about the issue. “Yeah, it’s that. I’m just tired and we’re just in June. And Dan told me I could talk to Bayer and Mekies to get some peace of mind but I don’t want to. One of the reasons I quit was because I was tired of meetings with team principals and CEOs. I don’t fully believe them."

“Nobody can blame you. You have your reasons not to.”

“I know. And even if I did I’d still be worried. People talking about my husband is never easy. I hate people acting like they know him or what's going on. All these years and I still hate it. I feel powerless. Like I get to sit there and watch while it all happens when I should be able to do more." It hurt to confess it, but it also felt like a weight off her shoulders as she said it. It was like a bit of pressure came off her chest, which really helped her feel lighter.

“Em, darling, there’s nothing you can do. You’re already doing everything to help him. Goddamn, many women wouldn’t do half the things you do and wouldn’t help with half of the things you help.”

“I know that, but it's that constant small voice in my head saying I should be doing more. I wanna do more.”

“You’re doing enough, Em. Believe me. You’re flying the world with your baby daughter and raising her on your own most days so your husband can stay focused on his dream job. Damn, I can’t wait for the summer break and it's not even about my wedding. I want it so you can have Dan all day for you and Lu.”

It was the final countdown to their summer vacation and Em couldn’t remember the last time she waited for it as much as that year. Being cozy at home with the family sounded like a dream. It was even better when the excuse was their best friends’ wedding.

“I really can’t wait for you and Blakey to get married, you know? Having time off is nice, but your wedding? That’s gonna be incredible. I’m so happy you’re the one who gets to marry him. I really can’t wait.” Em affirmed, looking at Charlie's happy face. She normally lights up at any mention of her man, but the grin only grew bigger as she talked about the wedding.

“I can’t wait either. I really wanna be my squishy face’ wife. He’s gonna look terrific being my Mr Friend-Clarke.” Charlie proudly blushed, drinking from her glass to justify and hide the pink color on her cheeks.

“He’s really doing it, isn’t he?” Em curiously asked. She knew Blake intended to add Charlie’s last name to his. He couldn’t care less about whether Charlie wanted to change her name or not. He said again and again that it was all up to her. However, when Charlie decided to do it, Blake said he was doing it too. If Charlie was gonna add Friend to her name then he was determined to include Clarke to his.

“Fuck yeah. You know, it was his idea, so I won’t fight him. If he wants to be a Clarke, that's his thing.” Charlie shrugged. Em knew she was pretending it was not a big deal, but it meant everything to her. The fact that her future husband wanted to also carry her family’s name right beside his felt surreal. “But don’t change the subject here. We were talking about you and your man. You guys are alright? I mean, overall and despite all the vroom-vroom craziness.”

“Yes, we’re okay. We're doing really well. Trying to adjust to the new weekends routine. Good thing is all this won't last longer than 2026, so it won't be that terrible. Or at least I hope it won’t be.”

“Its bad that I can’t wait for that?” Charlie breathed as her happy smile faded into a rather sad smirk. 2026 wasn’t coming fast enough for them.

“No, it's not. Me neither actually. I’m not gonna miss not being on a race track almost every weekend."

“How did you do it? I mean, you don’t like it. You don’t enjoy racing. You get nervous every time. You don’t like the mess and fanciness and fake shit that comes with it. I see your face every time you see how the garages are full of people outside and the track is also packed. You’re this little miss introvert sunshine in the middle of a circus full of extrovert people. How have you survived all these years? Like seriously, in how many races have you been?” Charlie wondered, making Em laugh at all the questions at once. She wasn’t surprised coming from her friend, especially not after all that time together.

"I have no idea how many. Less than a hundred I guess? I never counted them.” Em tried to do fast math, but there was no use. As the number of races changed every year, Dan missed the entire season the previous year, and she missed too many, so it was impossible to guess it quickly. “I really don’t know. But to your other question, I did it for Dan. I want him to be happy. He’s happy racing, so here I am.”

“I know but anyway, it's insane, Em.”

“Why did you leave your job and your family to follow Blake for two years around the world, partly living in a country you dislike?" Em replied, leaving Charlie thinking with her mouth slightly open and a frown showing on her face.

“It’s not that I don’t like the UK. Charlie defended herself just like every time someone accused her of not liking Em’s country.

“You don’t have anything against it, but you hate the weather.”

“It’s cold in summer! Summer is supposed to be warm, not cloudy and rainy!” Charlie and Dan sometimes disagree on some stuff. They were like siblings who fought over which M&M color was the best or which song was better, but they loved each other. But they always agreed on the weather. They hated the cold, they didn’t like the rain and they loved sunny skies and warm days. Living in London was like a nightmare for her because of the weather. Em was not surprised to hear the same words her husband normally says, but they came from Charlie’s mouth.

“You kind of sound like my husband, you know? Like a lot like him.”

“Cause we’re from cute sunny Perth, baby. We’re not made for cold European weather.”

“Your man is from Sydney and he doesn’t complain.” Em remarked, finishing what was left in her glass, acting like she said the smartest thing in the universe.

"It's because he's a saint. He’s marrying me, poor thing. He already has a spot in heaven for handling me and my shit. For handling us all. If he can deal with that, then I can deal with the cold weather for him.”

“And flying around. Because you’re scared of planes and there you are traveling around the world, jumping on planes every week." Em pointed out. Everyone around her knew how scared she was of flying. It was as overwhelming as Em's airport anxiety, but Charlie made it time after time. It took time, love, and patience, but she made it as long as Blake held her hand and reminded her everything would work out.

“I just don’t like turbulence and I told you, people are not supposed to be in the air! Same with huge machines. It's not natural." Charlie explained, giving the same answer she gave everyone who asked how she could be terrified of the safest transport system that existed.

“I know that, but my point is, you do it anyway cause you love Blake. You handle cold and rain and planes to be with him and because you want him to be happy. You fly and get cold, I get in noisy, packed places. We do what we have to do.” Em concluded, as Charlie grabbed the bottle of wine and poured what was left between their both glasses. “We are gonna get drunk, Char!”

“We have to finish it! It's to celebrate how fucking ridiculous we are, babe. We both know we wouldn’t have it any other way. We wouldn’t change our boys for the world and I drink to that, so cheers.” Charlie grinned, clicking her glass with Em’s to toast for their happy lives. “Or you know, Enchanté, as your husband says."

"Since you asked, we're talking about boys and relationships. How are you and my brother doing?” Em asked, taking another tiny sip and leaving the glass back on the black table. It would go to her brain sooner rather than later, but it was her one afternoon off, and the wine was really good. Good enough to send a photo to Dan and add it to their 'Wines Emmy likes' collection.

“We’re good. Better than ever really. Stressing a bit about the wedding cause it’s not easy to organize it from the other side of the world, but enjoying engaged life. A lot of engaged sex before it turns into married couples' sex. Just in case it changes and gets bored, y’know? But yeah, we’re okay. Really happy."

"Getting married doesn't change much. At least it didn't for us. And considering it's you? It won’t either. Like, I know I will regret asking this but really Char, how many days a week you…?” There was the wine finally and officially taking over and talking for Em. Her little prudent brain never let her talk about those things just like that, unless there was alcohol in her body.

“You’re trying to ask me how many days a week we have sex? You better keep drinking, sister.” Charlie smirked, knowing she finally got to the point she wanted to have ridiculous conversations. “And depends? Almost every day?”

"Oh, come on! That's insane."

“You shut up! B told me how you and Dan were basically like horny dogs for years, so don't come here judging, little missy." Check mate. Em hated to admit it, but Charlie was kind of right. Right enough to make Em blush.

“But not every day!” Em tried to defend herself, but her red cheeks and the silly smile gave her away too fast. Besides, Charlie knew when she was lying so it was in vain. “Maybe at the beginning when he came home and I didn’t see him every day but if we spent time together we didn’t have sex every day.”

“Okay but how many days? Spill it, sister.” That damn question.

“Charlie!” Em exclaimed, looking to the tables around them. Luckily, they were too far and too involved in their conversation to listen to what they said. “I don’t know. Four? Five on vacation? But normally, three? Depending on the week."

“Sounds logical. But I don’t care, really. I won’t lie and say it's too much for me because it's more than alright. If B doesn't complain we’re good. As long as he lets me sit on his di-“

“Char! There are people around!” Em interrupted, laughing like a small kid who was almost discovered doing something bad. The fact that she stopped Charlie from saying something worse let her know she wasn’t that terrible. Maybe. “If Dan was here he would say his dick is gonna fall one of these days.”

"Oh boy wine is finally hitting her!” Charlie laughed, not really believing the word ‘dick’ came from her best friend’s mouth, at least not in such a way. “But yeah, nah, it won’t. I know how to take care of my pretty boy. He is really looked after, so don’t worry about it. I take care of him so damn well that one day soon there might be two babies flying around the world with us."

Emma could see the exact moment Charlie shifted. She could see how she wasn’t supposed to open her mouth to say such a thing, but trust and wine together were bad advisors and they betrayed her. Em could only think of how her face reflected Charlie’s. A surprised expression on her face as she processed the words.

“Oh boy… Char are you…?”

“No.”

“But you’re trying, aren’t you?”

Charlie answered in a second. Em could see how she was trying to decide if she should say the truth or lie, but there was no use lying about it. “A bit. Maybe a lot. Like a lot.”

“I need a coffee. We need coffee. We can’t have this conversation like this, seriously." Em breathed, taking what was left of her wine and calling the waitress to order two coffees and water for them. It felt like suddenly more than one thing about her friends’ behavior made sense. Suddenly too many of the things they did had more logic about them. “Goddamn, that's why you stopped smoking at all.”

"How do you know that? Only Blake knows I stopped for good and he told me it was our secret.”

“Someone asked for a lighter the other day and you didn’t have one with you. You always have it. Always. Even if it’s to burn a building. Or a body. Or evidence.”

“I was planning to stop anyway. It's terrible for you guys and B hates it too cause it's bad for me.” Charlie tried to justify as they smiled and thanked the waitress for bringing their order.

Before Em could answer, she first drank water. Straight after she poured sugar on it and took a sip of her coffee. She needed to try, even though it wouldn't take effect fast enough. “We all hate it because it's terrible for you, Charlotte. And it went from one every once in a while to too many a week."

Em knew Charlie’s smoking history. She knew how it started in her university days, mainly recreationally, as she had drinks with her friends and classmates. As time passed, she got caught up in it, using it as a way to cope with stress from exams. She promised to quit after getting her PhD, and she did it. Charlie would only get one in a year, maybe two and only when she was really drunk. But the 'only while drunk' clause was omitted from the equation. Between planes, airports, hotel rooms, cameras, photographers, and strangers knowing who her boyfriend was, her anxiety only grew. When it happened and Charlie felt anxiety reached her peak of the day, she would sneak away from them and try to put it away with some nicotine. She would never smoke around them, so it would be a fifteen minutes break to return with her face and teeth washed and clean clothes. But as it happened more and more often to the point Em was thinking about making an intervention, one day it completely stopped. Now it made sense why she did it.

“We have a stressful life, Em." Charlie tried to justify, but there was no point in discussing that at the moment.

“Don’t change the subject."

“We’re trying. We started less than a month ago. We talked too much about it and we really really thought about it. We had a plan and were waiting, but with my family history of fertility issues? I’m not getting any younger and I don’t wanna risk it. I won't risk our chances. I can't wait, Em. I'm afraid of waiting too long and then finding out it won't happen, y'know?. I’m older than my mom was when she had Cal and I just- We always knew we wanted this at some point so we’re trying for it. I know it's terrible timing with the season and all that but-"

“Charlie, no." Em interrupted her friend, grabbing her hand from over the table to stop her from rambling. "Love, don’t do that. It's not bad timing. It is not. It could never be. Lulu having a travel buddy sounds wonderful."

If there was something that Em admired about Charlie, it was the way she always looked like she could own the world. It was effortless somehow. There was something about the way she carried herself. Em knew Charlie carried her heart on her sleeve and was the sweetest, most loving, protective, honest woman in the world. However, there was something about her that said she could take over the world if she wanted to. Em always joked that Charlie and Blake could take over the world if they wanted to do it, but they would rather snuggle on the couch. But just like Charlie was the most badass woman Em ever met, her friend also was one of the most sensible people she ever knew. That afternoon was not the exception and Charlie could see how her friend's face completely shifted. There was absolute relief on her face as she heard those words, her brown eyes shining even more.

“Really?” Charlie asked, and the happiness in her eyes slowly reached her smile, giving Em a tiny smirk.

“Yeah it does. It really does. Those babies will be so lucky to have you and Blake, Char." Em smiled, squeezing her friend's hand as the shock hit Charlie. "What? Don't look at me like that. I know you'd like more than one. I'm not silly. I saw you and Blake looking at the kids and whispering numbers. I kind of live with you, remember?"

"Is that obvious?" Charlie blushed, taking a sip of her water as she realized her friend had caught them.

“Not for anyone, but me and Dan its obvious. But I can totally see you with a bunch of tiny brunette babies running around the house. If someone has the patience for something like that, that's your husband."

“I know. Nobody has as much patience as that man. But maybe it's just one baby? I’d love to have a couple but I'd be happy with one.”

"One, three, seven, whatever. They’re really gonna be the luckiest kids in the world." Em had no idea if someone was ever really prepared to be a parent, but if someone was close enough, that was Blake and Charlie. After a bunch of nieces and nephews from Charlie's side and after spending the last months helping raise Lulu like she was their own, Em knew they were more than ready for it.

“You think?”

“I know it. Just like my Lulu is lucky to have you as godparents”

"We're lucky to be her godparents. You know I love all my nieces and nephews with all my heart and I don’t have a favorite but damn it, little baby Lu really is something else. That girl is a shining little star. There’s no way you don't smile when you see her with those big eyes and crazy curls. Like you really made an excellent one.” Charlie smiled proudly as she talked about her youngest goddaughter.

“That toothless smile is really something else, isn’t it?" Em grinned, still not believing how incredible her baby girl was. Charlie was right. Lulu was a bright little star who would put a smile on anyone's face. She was sweet, smart, funny, and gorgeous, the light of her parents life and the reason for everything they did. "But hey, soon enough we'll be covered in diapers and running around with two tiny ones. Just wait and see."

“You think our kids will be besties?”

“What's that question? Of course they will be best friends. That’s how it’s supposed to be.”

Charlie exclaimed excitedly, making Em laugh at her. "Maybe they get married and all!"

“Oh so you really don’t wanna get rid of me, uh? That’s why you want our babies to marry? So we’re family forever?” Em joked, but there was nothing that made her happier than thinking about spending the rest of her life like that, sharing lunches with Charlie and then returning back to their boys and babies.

“Exactly! Us? That's forever, baby.”

The most enjoyable thing about spending time with Charlie was how she always brought a smile to Em’s face. They were always able to make each other smile. A glass of wine and a long walk while shopping mostly for Lulu, Em could almost forget about her worries. She couldn't completely forget about them, but as Charlie dragged her to a fancy shop to buy some new lingerie, Em could at least put them to the side for a while.

Having a double dinner date was probably another thing they needed. More than once Steve switched from Dan’s trainer to Lulu’s babysitter, offering himself to look after her for a couple hours or even the night so the rest could have a night out without a baby car right by the table. Normally they would say no and it would be the six of them having dinner together, but on some weird occasion Steve would basically kick them out. Every hour, everyone in their group chat would receive a photo of Lulu, attached to a text that said something about their own date running perfectly. He always made sure Em and Dan didn’t worry about their daughter and they were thankful for it. That night they didn’t have to feel guilty about leaving Steve to the side because he was on his own FaceTime date with his girlfriend Sophie, so it was all good.

Just like Canada was wonderful, Barcelona was a disaster. The car was supposed to be faster with the new parts, but Em had to see her husband qualify P18 because the team decided to sacrifice their quali to test the ungraded parts. The last thing they needed was that. The last thing Dan needed was that, especially in front of his family. 

It had been a while since Em wanted to cry after a race, but that day she had to fight the tears. Knowing the kids were in the hospitality, Em took a deep breath and pretended everything was alright. It hurt her to see her husband fighting for something that some days seemed impossible no matter how hard he tried.

That terrible race was the reason why they didn’t say yes when Grace and Joe offered to take Lulu for the night after the race. Depending on the race and how tired Dan was, Blake and Charlie would look after Lulu for the night, giving the parents some time off to sleep without worrying or waking up in the middle of the night. But that night they couldn’t do it. Dan was tired, but he needed his girls. Em knew he needed both his girls, so after a family dinner they headed back to their room for some cuddles.

“You think she'll be proud of me one day? Even with the not so good years?” Dan asked in the dark, his head resting against Em's chest as she kissed his forehead while Dan did the same on her chest.

Even then, his focus was on Lulu. Their daughter slept in her crib right by their bed, never out of reach. They both slept better knowing Lu was there, especially in case a bad dream hit one of them and they needed to hold her tiny chubby hand.

“I know she will. As soon as she is old enough to understand, she will be so proud of her dad. Not only for everything you have accomplished but for how amazing you are. Just like I am proud of you, not only for going fast but for being the best dad and husband in the world.”

It melted her heart when Dan looked up at her as she said those words. It made her feel butterflies in her stomach, the same ones that appeared the night she met Dan. It was the same ones that never went away. They only grew stronger as time passed, especially when Dan kissed her as he did that night. “You’re the best mama and wife in the world. Absolutely the greatest.”

“I try my best cause my loves deserve it.” Em whispered against his lips, enjoying the feeling of her husband right there by her side. Her whole universe was in that room and she couldn’t ask for anything more. “I love you. I don’t care where you end up in the race, alright?”

“I love you too. So so much, Wrinkles. You have no idea how much. Six Barcelona races later and I wouldn’t change us for the world.” Between more lazy, soft, silent kisses to not bother their daughter, Em couldn’t help but smile again. Dan still made her blush, not really believing her luck in life when he said those things.

"How is it already six?" she wondered, still amazed. It felt like an eternity and three lifetimes passed since they met at Blake’s. But at the same time it felt like it was yesterday. Six years of the highest highs and lowest lows. Six years of the happiest and saddest days of her life. Six years and she would do it all again if it meant she ended up being Lulu’s mum and Dan’s wife.

“Dunno, but I love it. Best six years of my life."

“Don’t lie to me” she joked, biting casually his lower lip.

“Best six years of my life. And best six months of my life thanks to our baby moon.”

Leaving Barcelona to go to Austria wasn��t her favorite thing to do. She has nothing against that place, but she loved Barcelona way too much, so if she had to choose, she'd stay in the Spanish city.

Before they headed to the track, they decided to spend some days in Vienna to visit and show Charlie and Steve around. Em's favorite thing was also on the agenda. It was her annual tradition to go to the Belvedere museum to see some paintings, but mostly Klimt's The Kiss. She had it tattooed on her thigh, Dan loved to kiss it and say it looked a lot like them, but they also loved to go to the museum and see it. From the first time Dan made it happen and took Em there in 2019 it was their tradition to do it. They would stand there, Dan standing right behind her with his arms around her waist as Em rested her back against his chest. Sometimes they stayed silent, sometimes Dan whispered sweet words into her ear. But nothing ever compared to the feeling of being there with their best friend and especially with their daughter. Em walked with one hand holding Dan's and another holding her daughter's tiny foot. Like always, Lulu was strapped in her carrier against Em's chest, looking at everything around her.

"See that one, Lu? That's mama's favorite painting ever. I come here every year to see it cause it makes me happy. Your poor dada always comes with me, but now we can do it together to not drag him." Em whispered, kissing her baby's head making Lulu give her the best gummy grin.

"I love coming with you, so now it's the three of us." Dan answered, kissing both his girls. "There's nowhere I rather be than here with you."

Having walked around the city, shopped, and visited places for two days, it was finally time to leave for Spielberg for her husband's 250 race.

Em was never as skilled at maths as she appeared, but, in this case, maths was simple. Two hundred and fifty races were about four years and a half of racing. Two hundred and fifty Sundays when her husband got into a car and raced his heart out. He was almost in the top ten of F1 racing drivers with the most Grand Prix starts, and she couldn’t be prouder. Em was always proud of her boy, constantly reminding him how she loved him for who he was and not for his job, but she was tremendously proud of him. Dan always said the things he did weren’t sacrifices but choices, but Em knew half of it was true. Not being able to spend more time with his family and friends was both a choice and a sacrifice to do what he loved. Not being able to give his wife and daughter more of his time, not having the opportunity to take Em on more dates, letting her do most of the parenting was nothing and not being a full-time dad for Lulu every single day was on the top of his list of things he would wish to change. It was at the top of his list of things he wanted to change the second he retired. In the meantime, she kept kissing his cheeks, smiling at him and whispering how much she loved him and how he had a job to do.

But what surprised her the most was when Blake told her Dan’s 250th race was also her 100th race. When Charlie asked at lunch, Em still didn't have the courage to check. She still didn’t have the heart to count. Like she told Charlie, searching for a list and doing the maths would mean she had to look at the races she missed back in those terrible orange days and she didn’t intend to. She didn’t have the heart to do it. Her list of things to do grew, and she did not get upset about it. Most days she didn't let herself think about that and how tired she was. Her job was to look after her babies. Thinking about her tiredness would lead her to think about how much she wished to get home and it was impossible. It would lead to spiralling about her leaving a big part of her job, being a full-time mum, missing home, longing to be with their family, and a hundred things more. The saddest part was it made Em think how she knew Dan wanted another baby but they couldn't. Lulu was too young, Em didn’t plan to get pregnant again until their daughter was at least two years old, and she didn’t want to deal with a pregnancy and a toddler. She couldn’t deal with it if Dan was racing. She wanted to be home to do that, and Dan agreed, but she knew he wanted more babies. They didn’t want Lulu to be an only child like Em was. They wanted at least one more baby, but she could do another fifty races and celebrate her husband’s 300th with two kids on the road.

Em couldn't and didn't want to let her brain overthink all that. She wanted to celebrate her husband and all his races and the ones she had been by his side. She wanted to celebrate that and then his birthday and the fact that it was his first birthday with Lulu by their side. All Em's worries could wait for another week or two. If extra therapy sessions were necessary, she would have them for her family.

At the end, it was a miracle that she didn’t need it, but maybe it was the joy of seeing her husband smiling in his special helmet. She remembered the day Dan had the idea to do it like his helmet from his kart days, and she loved it. She remembered the excitement on his face as they lay in bed and Dan asked if it would be an good idea. There was a big difference from that night months ago to the day it became a reality. She saw the helmet when Dan brought it home, but there was a huge difference from when she saw it at the race in the Red Bull ring. Em looked at Dan taking it off its bag and for some reason, tears fell down her face. From that little boy who only wanted to go fast in his kart to the wonderful man he became, he had come so far in life. She was so proud of him. She was the luckiest girl to be there for six years of his career. She was the luckiest woman to be there for hundreds of those races.

“I thought we said no tears” Dan smiled, closing the gap between them in his room. As soon as they were one in front of the other, Dan reached her face, cleaning the tears with his fingers.

"I know, but they're really good ones. I’m so proud of you. All you did and you keep doing? God, I’m seriously so proud of you, baby."

“Y'know what's my favorite part about it? That you and Lu are here to see it. It's been crazy, but having you here makes it better and easier. Having our potato here?" Dan asked, pointing to their daughter with his head as she took her morning nap in her seat before the craziness and the noise started. "It really feels like a dream.”

“We have a little saint for a daughter." Em smiled, wrapping her arms around her husband and resting her head against his chest. She knew they didn't have much time, but she would enjoy every second of it.

“Just like her gorgeous mama. And thank goodness she's nothing like her papa.”

“Only on looks."

"That's why she’s precious."

“Then it sounds like she's exactly like her dad.” Em affirmed, kissing his chest before looking at her husband's face. “Thank you for letting me be by your side for a hundred races. It has been my pleasure, baby. No matter what form we were in, it's been awesome.”

“99 of those races should've been as you as my girl.” Dan admitted, kissing Em's nose before tucking her hair behind her ear. "I know what you'll say. You were my girl. You've always been my girl, but you were not my girlfriend. That's my one regret."

"It's your 250th race, there’s no time for regrets." she reminded him, moving one of her hands from his waist to his face, stroking his cheek with her fingers.

“There's no time for regrets, but there’s time for one more big hug from my lady wife." Even when they were still holding each other, Dan hugged Em as tightly as possible. For some reason it felt so peaceful that it didn't feel like they were on the track. It felt like they were home, except for the detail of her husband wearing the team's clothes. “Thank you” he whispered against her hair, breaking the silence in the room.

“For what?”

“For Lu. For existing. For being here. And for handling my daily shit. I think I don’t thank you enough for it.” He did. Heaven knew he did. Em was well aware of it and it was never an issue. Dan was always in awe of his wife and all she did for their family. But she also knew that after what happened with them and not talking about their feelings for years, Dan needed to remind her how he felt about them.

"You know how you can thank me?" Em asked, moving her face from his chest to his neck, kissing it a couple times and then his jaw. "Don't cut your curls during the summer break." Em liked the mustache and she was more than used to it, but if she had to pick she always rather the full bear. There was counted things Em loved as much as running her fingers through it. If she could get it back, she would be happy even if it was temporary.

"Emmy!" Dan exclaimed, forcing Em to cover his mouth for a moment with her hand.

"Shhh, you'll wake Lu up." Em whispered as Dan kissed her palm again and again. "I'm just saying. That and a full beard. That's how you make your wife happy. The whole daddy looks suits you."

"Fine. Anything else?" Dan asked as he took Em's hand off his face and held it against his heart.

"One of those new helmets for my collection."

"You know one is always for you. Anything else?"

Em said no with her head, then got in her tiptoes to kiss her husband's lips to close the deal. One. Two. Three kisses. That was the lucky number. She hated to let it go, but it made her heart warm even more as she looked at her husband kissing their daughter’s forehead carefully to not wake her up. A simple “I love you and see you later, yeah baby girl? Be good with mama while papa’s working, potato” was all Dan whispered while Em couldn’t stop thinking she had done something right in life to get them. No matter how crazy or difficult things were, no matter where they ended up working or living, if Em had her little family things were going to be okay.

---

Taglist: (Let us know if you wanna be added!)

@dr3lover @sabrinaselina55 @majx00 @tall-tanned-tattoo @lovingdennishauger @lauehr @msolbesg @f1medlife @idkwtfimdoing2 @leclercsbae @hiphopdancer101universe @mehrmonga @lewispool @saintandrea-droidsmuggler @coldheartedmar @sugarbabygirlofdaddy @nonsensical-nonce @a-distantdreamer @tita010 @leslizzle @javden @mloyer @saintandrea-droidsmuggler @magical-imagination-kgp @danarysstormborn @kakorrhaphiphobia @g-l-o-b-e-w-h-o-r-e @elizanav @neiich @luckyladycreator2 @scotlynaurora @belledawnidk

[diacripticcomplex]

DL Boys reacting to Yui breaking their heart completely:

Shu: He'd have so many regrets, would hate himself for loving and trusting a human again, would despise that he opened up and allowed himself to care about someone, he'd fall back into depression.

Reiji: He knows his self worth, he would be so bitter and always drag her name through the mud any chance he gets. He would move on pretty quickly but would eventually come to just hate her.

Ayato: A typical guy when it comes to a breakup, he's partying, having fun trying to meet new people, then realizing that there's no one like her in this world and it would cause his frenzy to be over, he'd try calling and texting her like a month after the breakup.

Kanato: He would kill her tbh, she ain't leaving him. If he can't have her, no one else can..

Laito: He would just propose for them to have an open relationship because he doesn't want her to leave but he'll be fine with her seeing other people, she obviously doesn't want to do that so he kinda falls into despair and takes it out sexually.

Subaru: surprisingly would be very understanding, would make the mistake of trying to still be in her life but getting hurt each time, it would pain him knowing she's not his anymore but he still wants to protect her from the distance, would occasionally hook up/drink her blood though.

Ruki: He would feel so betrayed and disgusted, he will never trust a woman again. But would stalk her throughout life, doing silent check ups but never reach out to her.

Kou: He'd move on rather quickly, like a typical guy just surround himself with new girls but then that feeling dies down and he'll miss her like crazy, he'd get so drunk he'd call and text her, might even show up at her front door.

Yuma: Would be in a lot of pain but he would use this time to heal and better himself as much as possible so that she knows what she fumbled on.

Azusa: He might literally kill himself from a broken heart, this is the first painful thing he doesn't like at all. He would try to make himself feel better by harming himself which would lead to him eventually dying.

Carla: He would laugh in her face and literally abduct her, he still wants children from her, once she gives him 2-3 kids he will let her rot away by herself all she wants, but he is not done with her yet.

Shin: He'd avoid her as much as possible, but still harass her, also he's the type to prank call her just to hear her voice.

Kino: He would gaslight her, she's not breaking up with him, he's breaking up with her and she's going to come running back to him all for him to constantly reject her..

[monstersandmaw]

Male orc (Rhuarc) x female character - Part One (sfw)

Disclaimer which I’m including in all my works after plagiarism and theft has taken place: I do not give my consent for my works to be used, copied, published, or posted anywhere. They are copyrighted and belong to me.

Thank you to the two people who explicitly expressed interest in this story via my inbox. This one's for you. Here's Rhuarc the single dad orc and his girl, and how they met. I've even got some visuals in this one too!

Content: kidnapping, attempted human sacrifice, violence, some light gore, implied age gap, older male character, single father orc x small human female

Wordcount: 4344

Rhuarc tried not to resent the fact that the Jarl of Markarth’s crusty old steward had looked him up and down as he’d stood in front of the so-called Mournful Throne, and decided that the orc was either entirely expendable or utterly stupid enough to take on an entire Forsworn camp. By himself.

Apparently it was the latter though, because with his two adopted girls waiting for his return in Whiterun, Rhuarc was most certainly not expendable these days. Perhaps twenty years ago, he might have hurled himself at the nearest frothing lunatic disrupting trade routes and abducting travellers off the roads without much care for the damage he took — the fact that he’d lost the sight in his right eye before he’d turned nineteen was testament to that — but these days, his contracts required thought and planning.

Kill the leader of Hag’s End, an old Nordic tomb complex nestled away in the frozen mountains to the northeast of Markarth.

Easy.

By himself.

Less easy.

The place was huge, and crawling with more Forsworn than termites in a mound, and there was every chance he would encounter a hagraven there too. Fuck, he hated those things. Whatever unnatural magic was used to create those half-bird, half-women, he didn’t want any part of it.

His own magic was fairly rudimentary by the standards of the average mage: a few fireballs here, a few healing spells there, and he could make a pretty decent lance out of ice if he had to. After all, orcs were known primarily for how ferociously they could bludgeon something into Oblivion, but magicka did coil its way through some of them too, and his mother had been both an alchemist and a mage.

Now though, as Rhuarc crept up behind the Briarheart warrior who led this bunch of rabid lunatics, and slipped his arm around the man’s throat to hold him still while he ripped the strange replacement heart out of the half-undead creature’s chest, he wondered exactly what kind of magic these people used that let them replace an otherwise healthy man’s beating heart with the poisoned seed of a Briarheart tree. And what special kind of lunacy allowed someone to undergo it willingly. Perhaps it wasn’t willing though? What did he know about these people?

As the orc’s fingers curled around the prickly seed that was about the size of an apple, the magic of it felt at once too cold and too hot; the way white hot metal feels in that moment of pure shock if you touch it by accident before the pain kicks in. He released the disgusting ‘heart’ and it fell with a splatter of gore onto the snowy carpet covering the cosy little platform, from where the man ruled over his clan of Forsworn. Rhuarc would have to find a scrap of cloth to wrap it in so that it didn’t leak everywhere between there and the city of Markarth, but he was looking forward to depositing it directly into the stuffy old steward’s lap as proof of the kill and the contract fulfilled.

The Briarheart warrior went instantly limp in his arms and Rhuarc laid him down silently on the frozen ground, already starting to plan his next move. A shout went up a second later from somewhere to his right — his blind side — and an arrow pinged off the bastion wall beside him. With a curse, he rolled and ducked behind the hide wall of the leader’s large tent, breathing hard. Of course he’d missed one of them, and if she alerted anyone else, or that lurking hagraven, Rhuarc was fucked. He was tired. And cold. His joints weren’t quite what they had once been, and his muscles were seizing with the cold and from crouching in dark doorways and corners on the long and winding way up to reach this part of the secret redoubt.

With a careful peek around the support structure of the leader’s tent, he realised that this new Forsworn hadn’t actually spotted him properly yet, and he hefted the haft of his war axe in his hand. Throwing a weapon away was never a great idea, but he didn’t have a bow on him, and if he called magicka to his hands, a hagraven would certainly sense it. Not a chance he wanted to take, and given that the place was called Hag’s End, he thought it pretty fucking likely that there was one of the bird-legged, psychotic matriarchs of the Forsworn roosting up at the top of the complex on that balcony almost directly above him.

So, he drew back his arm and sent the blade of his war axe whirling away to bite into the breastbone of the Forsworn before she could spot him or cry out again. She fell with the clatter and rattle of bone and fur armour, her silly antlered headdress skittering away behind her, and he was off running immediately to release the weapon from her corpse and seek a new hiding place in case the commotion had drawn others.

As it was, Rhuarc crouched for a long few minutes behind the gruesomely-displayed corpse of an elk that had been partly taxidermied by the cold and stuck on a stake, with his breath billowing all around him, and the stillness of snow in the air. Had he got them all? He was spattered all up one side of his body with blood and even had a red streak in his otherwise white hair that he’d shaved close to his skull above his ears and left long enough to tie back into a ponytail on top. What a mess. Still, it would be worth the groaning bag of coin he was going to get for clearing the whole bloody encampment and making The Reach a little bit safer for travellers.

Just as he’d begun to relax, half thinking of getting the girls each a new dress with his earnings, a scream like nothing he’d ever heard before tore the silence in two and his blood went cold.

It had come from the balcony above him where a spar of stonework jutted out into the winter sky like the bowsprit of a ship, and it hadn’t been the harsh shriek of a hagraven. The scream had come from a woman in blind, abject terror, and the sound of it shocked him back to his feet before he’d even realised it.

Rhuarc thundered up the stone stairs behind him and shouldered open the carved doors of the inner sanctum of the tomb, plunging into the relative darkness without stopping to think.

Not thinking was a sure way to get himself killed, and by some miracle of the fates, he skidded to a halt just in time to avoid a pressure plate in the floor that would no doubt have unleashed some kind of magical or poisoned trap on him. Whoever lived here clearly didn’t let just anyone inside, and blundering around like a panicked mammoth wasn’t going to help anyone.

“Think, you thick-skulled orc,” he growled at himself, chest heaving and heart pounding in his ears like a war-drum. He was only a few heartbeats away from slipping into that infamous, orcish berserker rage, and he never ever wanted to find himself on the far end of a state of mind like that again. Caked in blood and viscera and surrounded by an array of corpses with no memory of how they had been felled… He shuddered and forced himself to steady his breathing before moving on.

What he confronted as he wound his way carefully and methodically through the dark, blood-stained hallways of the upper Nordic tomb proved to be as great a test of his prowess with blade and his magic as any he’d ever faced in his forty-six years.

Savage witches clad in long, magicka-laced, black robes hurled spells and curses at him that he only just dodged or warded in time to sink his axe into their skulls, but what made his skin crawl the most was the hagraven who seemed to be taunting him, letting him get one or two shots in before a swirl of purple and black magic enveloped her and she vanished to somewhere else in the complex.

Was she an illusion? Had he lost his mind or, worse, accidentally imbibed some poison from one of his victims that was making him hallucinate? He’d spotted enough deadly mushrooms growing in the dank corners of the dungeon that the suspicion remained, even as he ploughed on through the coven of crazed witches towards the woman who had let out that heart-rending scream.

Just as he sensed he was gaining the top of the tower, the hagraven disappeared amid a final storm of eerie, flickering magicka, leaving him alone in an echoing chamber at the top of a staircase lined with mortuary shelves.

Over to his left, an arcane enchanting table crackled with residual magicka from a recent use, the blueish runes on its onyx surface glowing in the dim light, and on his right, an ancient monument reared up like a tombstone, carved with a script he couldn’t read. He had no time for any of that, and paused just long enough with his hand on the last door to gather his breath and the last ragged remains of his strength, before shoving all his weight into swinging them open and stepping out onto the snowy balcony beyond.

A blast of freezing air hit him full in the face, but it wasn’t the cold that stole his breath and his senses.

There on a low, wide, stone altar, a Nord woman had been bound hand and foot, stretched out and completely naked, and she was thrashing weakly despite the wounds at her wrists and ankles from the ropes. Tears tracked pale lines through the dirt on her face and her bare chest heaved with broken, choking sobs as she arched her back in futile protest.

Over her prone figure loomed the emaciated figure of a hagraven with a glinting, black dagger raised in her taloned hands.

Rhuarc didn’t think.

He hurled a bolt of ice at the creature, and might have been surprised to find that it had actually struck her right in the stomach if he hadn’t already been concentrating on drawing the ambient moisture into his hand to freeze into another shard of ice as thick as a tree limb. The hagraven let out a shriek that should have made his ears bleed, and hurled a fireball at him for the indignity of him getting a hit in first.

Searing flames exploded all around him and he smelled singeing, though he wasn’t sure if it was his fur armour or his own skin, and he didn’t care. He leapt forwards, diving into a roll in the snow to douse any lingering flames, and as he came up he launched a second spike of ice directly at the hagraven’s weathered, distorted face. Her black, beady eyes narrowed and she bared rotten teeth with a snarl as she clenched her clawed hand and prepared to fling a second fireball at him.

Rhuarc had closed the distance between them in a few powerful strides though, and before she’d finished the spell, he grabbed her by her flimsy arm and felt the snap of it breaking in his grip as he yanked her away from the altar. Before she could even muster a screech, he lopped her head off with his axe. He didn’t stop to watch her abandoned carcass slide over the edge of the parapet, down into the void of snow and cooling corpses below, and turned instead to the woman laid out on the table.

The dagger had fallen from the hagraven’s claws to land beside her right hand and she was reaching frostbitten fingers for it.

“Easy,” Rhuarc said, holstering his messy axe at the loop on his belt and realising he probably looked as frightening as the hagraven had. Six foot six and broad as a barn door at the shoulder, Rhuarc now had blood all up his face from one of the witches, a nasty burn on his shoulder that was only just now making itself known, and a long cut on his abdomen that was oozing blood down his solid paunch. As he’d got older, he’d lost the iron definition he’d had in his youth, but he was probably the strongest now that he’d ever been in his life.

No wonder the woman was staring wild-eyed at him like he was some animal barbarian, but his heart physically hurt in his chest when he saw the welts and bruises standing out starkly on her pale, Nordic complexion. Her long, midnight black hair was loose and lank and greasy, her lip was split and swollen, and there was a vibrant, purple bruise all around her left eye socket. Those dark brown eyes glared up at him with fierce defiance though, and her fingers found the hilt of the knife.

He smiled. “I know I look a sight,” he said in a low, quiet rumble, holding both hands up, bloody palms towards her. “I’m gonna help you though. Let’s get you healed up and out of here. I’m not sure what you can wear though…”

“My… My clothes are in… were in… a chest… in there,” she croaked, twitching her head slightly towards the chamber he’d just left. The swelling in her lip clearly made talking painful, and she sounded like she hadn’t had any water for days. That, or the thick, raw, red line around her throat was responsible, flanked by distinct, finger-sized bruises the colour of a ripe plum. It made his orc blood boil to see marks like that on a person’s body, but he made himself focus on the more immediate task of helping her.

“Alright. I’ll untie you — may I use that dagger?”

She nodded and reluctantly let her fingers go loose again. With the rope lashed so tightly around her wrist, she didn’t have enough purchase to lift her hand free of the hilt, so Rhuarc carefully slid his bloody fingers underneath hers and he eased the blade out.

Concentrating, he sawed steadily through the thick rope, and she hissed as she flexed her fingers when the rope finally sheared and one arm came free. The raw chafing showed him just how hard she’d fought her captors, and he found the warmth of pride glowing in the pit of his stomach for this stranger and her resilience. Methodically, Rhuarc moved his way around the table to free her ankles next before finally cutting the ropes binding her left arm to the cold table, and all the while keeping his eyes off her naked body as best he could.

“We need to get you somewhere sheltered. Can you sit up?”

She tried valiantly when he asked, but her strength failed her in a rush and she slumped back down with a gasp.

Rhuarc dropped the knife to the stone at his feet and stuck his right hand under her head just in time to stop her cracking her skull on the stone platform of the altar, and he cradled her lolling head in the palm of his hand. His already-bruised knuckles clunked against the altar under the full weight of her head as she surrendered at last, spent.  

“Easy,” he said. “I’ve got some magic. I’m going to heal you, alright? Keep steady, then we’ll find you some clothes and get you out of here.”

Her dark eyes rolled as the golden light of healing magic washed around her, and she slumped at last into unconsciousness.

Rhuarc picked her up with detached efficiency and carried her out of the biting wind and back into the tower that formed the top part of the tomb’s inner sanctum, marvelling at the Nord’s resilience to the cold. He knew that her people were tougher than most humans in these conditions, but still, with everything she’d been through, she probably should be dead.

Her small body was soft where many Nords were made of hard muscle, and he suspected that she had not been raised to be a fighter. That the Forsworn would snatch her away from whatever battle-free life she’d led before and defile her like this made his blood sing all over again and his hands itched to sink his axe into a nice, crunchy, Forsworn skull. He let the thought go with a growl around his thick tusks and shouldered the doors open.

With her pressed against his bare chest, he felt the tingle of magic in her blood too, and he recalled the way her body had drunk his own restoration magic down like water poured onto dry sand. Perhaps the fact that she was probably a mage had been why the hagraven had been about to sacrifice her in that unholy ritual.

Inside the echoing, stone room with the enchanting table, Rhuarc found the chest she’d mentioned, and he crouched down awkwardly in front of it with her half-draped across his lap, her naked body propped up by his right arm. He really didn’t want to have to use one of the beds in the tower that the witches had clearly slept in, but if the woman needed to rest, then he would stay with her and see that she was safe.

Just as he was fiddling one-handed with the catch of the chest, which luckily wasn’t locked, she drew in a deeper breath and came-to with a mewling sob of discomfort. Her bare legs were touching the floor and the room wasn’t much warmer than the air outside because of a huge hole in the ceiling, but at least they were out of the wind.

“I know,” he said without looking at her. “I’m going to find you something to wear. Just give me a second.”

“Thank you,” she rasped, and the sound became a sob as she squirmed in his arms, trying to curl inwards on herself. Whether that was to cover her naked body better or simply because she was hurting in every way humanly possible, he wasn’t sure. “Thank you. I thought that was it, when… when she… she —”

“Shh,” he said, briefly tightening his hold around her shoulders with a slight curl of his right arm, worried that if she grew too distressed, he might drop her. “It’s over now. You’re safe.”

“Thank you,” she said again, and then added with a little sniffle, “My name is Syl, by the way.”

“Rhuarc,” he grunted, finally lifting the lid of the chest. “This your stuff?”

She peered forward and nodded. An undyed linen shirt and brown trousers had been roughly stuffed into the wooden chest, along with a pair of softly-worn, fur-lined boots, a thick, fur-lined jacket, and a small alchemist’s pouch that fitted on a belt around the hips. He had something similar himself for the road, choosing to forgo the usual traveller’s pack with a bedroll and cooking pot. He hunted or foraged for what he needed and cooked it over an open fire and slept under the stars when he absolutely had to, but mostly, he actually planned his journeys to halt at an inn for the night these days, because he was too damned old now to be sleeping out of doors in the grass like a bloody wild boar. He also thought he glimpsed some linen underwear and wrappings in the chest too, but he didn’t let his gaze linger.

“You… need a hand?” he asked quietly, but she shook her head.

“I can just kneel here for a moment. I’ll be alright,” she said in a steady, if rough voice. “Thank you.”

He nodded once. “I’ll be over there,” he said, gesturing vaguely with his thumb over his left shoulder.

He helped her slide off his lap where he’d crouched beside the chest, and steadied her briefly with a hand at the small of her spine to stop her tipping backwards. Her flesh was still cold from lying out there on the table, but she couldn’t have been out there for too long before he’d found her, or she’d have died of exposure. Even a Nord couldn’t survive naked in the snow for very long.

Only then, with his rough palm pressed against the pale softness of her skin, did it strike him that it had actually been a very long time since he’d seen another naked body, and the feel of her skin beneath the calluses of his palm distantly stirred the cold embers of desire in him that had lain dormant and out of mind for longer than he cared to remember. Even for an orc, he wasn’t exactly short of people showing interest, but it just… hadn’t been something he’d wanted. Then of course, he’d found himself the adoptive father of a pair of ten and eleven year old girls, and all thoughts of romance and the so-called ‘Dibellan arts’ had evaporated completely from his life like autumn mist.

With a sigh, he banished the faint and inappropriate sensation and levered himself stiffly to his feet. As he did, he felt the cut in his lower belly pull with a sharp prick of pain and when he looked down at it, he found it already suppurating. His thick, naturally green, orcish skin had turned a nasty, angry red around the slash and something was oozing out of it that wasn’t blood. Poison. Fuck.

Glancing around the room, he wondered if there were any ingredients stashed way that the witches would have used, but he was in the wrong part of their stronghold for that and anyway, who knows what they might have been brewing in there? Thinking about what limited stocks he kept in the emergency pouch on his belt, he drew out two carefully-sealed glass bottles and tipped their contents into the cupped palm of his left hand. It was hardly ideal, but it would do for now, and he smeared it onto the open wound.

The flash of pain made him grunt, but with a soft fizzing, the powders got to work and nullified the festering poison before it could spread.

“Rhuarc?”

When he turned around at the sound of her voice, he found Syl looking at him from where she was still kneeling in front of the wooden chest.

“Are you alright?” she asked with a frown.

Her alto was still hoarse and rasping, and he wondered if she was still in pain. “I’m fine. Are you? Did I heal you enough?”

At his question, she smiled, and something in his chest slipped sideways when he saw it.

How could a woman who’d just been through the torment she had experienced still find the grace to smile like that? And at an orc of all creatures.

“Yes,” she said, and, now that she was dressed, she stood slowly; cautiously.

She wasn’t very tall for a human, perhaps five foot five at most, and her body seemed somehow even smaller in her loose-fitting, practical clothes. He could clearly see the swell of her hips though, and the definite curve of her breasts, and her dark eyes looked very large as she regarded him. In an attempt to tidy herself up, she had tied her lank, black hair back off her face in a low ponytail, but she still looked like she’d taken one hell of a battering, despite the healing magic.

And yet, there she was on her own two feet, and her resilience was suddenly as devastatingly attractive to him as were her natural good looks. Rhuarc swallowed thickly, utterly floored by what he was feeling for the first time in decades.

“You’re hurt,” she said, eyeing the wound in his stomach.

He felt her open herself up to start channelling magicka, and his own mismatching eyes went wide. “No, don’t!” he gasped, taking an involuntary step towards her and holding out both hands in a kind of warding gesture. “Please, you need to conserve your energy. I’ll heal myself in a moment. I was just waiting for the poison to work its way out first.” No point sealing up the cut with all the vileness still inside, after all.

Syl walked slowly towards him, moving like a black cat along a wall, with her gaze focused on his bare paunch.

Rhuarc’s breath caught and he froze. He couldn’t have moved so much as a muscle then, even if an army of hagravens had descended on him.

When Syl came to a halt in front of him, she brought her fingertips up to touch the fevered flesh around the wound. Very carefully, she let a tiny thread of golden magic seep into him, and he honestly did not mean to let out the noise that left his lips. He hadn’t even known he was still capable of making a sound like that.

Pleasure curled deep and visceral in his gut, both from the whisper-light contact of her fingertips against the trail of hair on his stomach, and from the way her magic coiled and twisted inside him, stitching him up from the inside out and cleansing the last of the poison’s putrefaction in the same deft stroke. She wasn’t just some hedge witch with a little magic: Syl had to be a master of the school of restoration with a healing that skilled.

“There,” she breathed. “Just looks a bit of a mess now,” she added, eyeing the blood that still covered him in a series of spatters and smears.

He couldn’t catch his breath for a moment, but he cleared his throat and stepped back. “Not much different from usual then,” he said a beat too late and painfully aware that his gruff bass sounded far more winded than when he had fought his way through the entire complex to reach her. “Thank you.”

With a long inhale, she let her hand fall back against her side and turned her big, dark eyes up to regard him. “So… what happens now?”

I hope you enjoyed this one? I'm fairly certain most people aren't going to read down to this point, so if you did, please consider reblogging it to help it find more of an audience, and give Rhuarc and Syl some love?

And if you want to learn more about how they fall in love on their journey away from Hag's End, be sure to leave me an ask or a comment! Otherwise I'll assume there's no interest and won't keep sharing it. :)

Masterlist | Ko-fi (tip jar)

[chaifootsteps]

hb could have actually worked Stolas in to the 'Blitz needs to believe people can love him so he won't die alone' plot without it being so disgusting and yucky

OK so hear me out - everything plays out the same up to Ozzie's

then in s2-4 instead of doing The Circus and making Stolas the main character, we stay with Blitz. if S1 was about who he's hurt in the past s2 is the point at which he begins trying to mend fences, but actively instead of the writers just forcing him to do it because he realized in Ozzie's he doesn't like how things are now

have the 'crashed Moxxie's anniversary' actually pay off with M&M being frostier than usual and Blitz being afraid he's about to lose them too. have Loona be annoyed when Blitz is overbearing when she's trying to make new friendships and accidentally sabotaging them with his over-protectiveness

have it be a story of Blitz simultaenously trying to make it up to people from the past (not all of whom forgive him) while he's trying to avoid repeating the same mistakes in the present with his new family

have the circus accident be more directly his fault - maybe he's practicing a stunt to win his father's love and causes the fire that way, even though he obviously didn't mean to

and have him begin to be emotionally vulnerable in small ways and he feels it pay off when others respond in kind instead of mocking or hating him like he fears. Trash 'Oops' as an episode but keep the emotional beat of Fizz forgiving him being the turning point for Blitz forgiving himself a bit, too, because Fizz's forgiveness is the thing he's secretly longed for during the entire show (next to Barbie's, who should also get vastly more screentime). have arcs to handle each of the main cast and flesh out IMP first and foremost

then as he begins to heal and treat people better, return to the Ozzie's plotline. have it be a thread throughout s2 of following Blitz's perspective of the fallout, not Stolas'. Show how confused he is by what Stolas is doing and why he's so happy to avoid him for those months off. have him make small comments to the people in his life about how deeply unhappy Stolas makes him and have them actually notice, because Blitz hated himself so much before he just rationalized what was being done to him as something he deserved

have the full moon argument play out as-is, but instead of what happens during apology tour, have Blitz think what he needs to do is apologize to Stolas to complete his character growth and love someone. Except make it clear to the audience that he has nagging doubts about all this - especially when Stolas pulls the 'I can't believe you didn't ditch taking your daughter to the doctor's office to come save me despite sending your employees to help because I fundamentally don't value your family or your time' card

And then right when it looks like he's about to cave and give Stolas what he wants - he doesn't.

He tells Stolas now he's learnt to love himself and he has people in his life again who've proven to him that he can be cherished and his worst self won't be rejected so long as he puts the work in to make things right when he screws up. He tells Stolas he used to think the owl was the closest thing to real love he could ever have - feeling used, abused and degraded. But he knows better than that now and he isn't about to let a pompous self absorbed royal bully him into being the perfect consort he wants. He goes further than that, even, telling Stolas he was bought to be his friend and pitied him from the start - and even now he wouldn't trade places with him even if he could

Because Blitz has rebuilt his life by looking in the mirror, holding himself to task and trying to be better. Meanwhile Stolas - who has had every advantage Blitz hadn't and could have chosen every step to do things differently - has actively pushed away both Via and Blitz with his 'never my fault, promise to do differently while getting worse all the time' behavior

Then Blitz walks out of his life for good, because now he has regained a sense of self worth he can see that he deserves better than the "love" Stolas was offering

and the one person he does apologize to, besides Barbie/Fizz/Moxxie/Verosika/etc? Striker. He apologizes for calling him a supremacist (still happens in this rewrite but as a sign of how hard Blitz is trying not to think that Striker has a point about Stolas) and that he isn't interested in fighting with him any longer

And Striker just responds with a smile, because he knows it means what he hoped all along would happen, has happened. Blitz is finally free from Stolas - and when he's ready he can move on to a love who respects him instead of just wanting to use him

I want this. If we can't have this in canon because Viv is Viv, I'm glad we have it here and now.

[etfrin]

god okayokay

reader is dewey and gale's daughter and apart of the "core 5" (reader, mindy, chad, tara and sam) and dated amber freeman in the past. though has severe ptsd from what had happened a year ago (and the fact that reader saw her dad die and almost died with him, if it wasnt for the fact that they managed to stable her) and reader killed amber to avenge her father thinking by killing amber brutally would make up for dewey. thought if she hunted down her father's killer, she'd feel better.

present time, she's living with chad and ethan in their dorm. her and ethan are in a relatively healthy relationship, but she never opened up about amber or what exactly happened back in woodsboro because she wasnt ready. in fact, he never even seen her without a shirt on (because of the scars from amber and richie), but once he walked in at the wrong time while she was changing in complete accident (since they share a room) and he apologizes PROFUSELY but he cant help but stare. hes not even disgusted hes just kind of mesmerized by her. she gets insecure abt them and he lays her down and asks her abt them, how she got them. some scars were actually from stupid little things like slipping on a skateboard while carrying around a knife in a sheath that wasnt secured all the way so reader started carrying around switchblades after that (which she used to kill amber.) but he cant help but kiss them and tell her abt how beautiful she looks with them. so im just saying switch virgin! ethan and switch experienced reader (lost her v card to quinn first staying there but its a brief thing and isnt mentioned after that) just really soft sex between the two, ethan being a caring bf and after, realizes hes fucked up because hes genuinely fallen heads over heels for the girl he should hate. he knows he cant kill her, so now he doesnt know whats more important; avenging richie or being with the one he loves. choosing between his family, or choosing a life he wouldn't have with anyone else with someone that he loves more than life itself.

may had of gone overboard but im in love w this whole idea

↳❝Scars | Ethan Landry❞ˎˊ-

Warning - NSFW | p in v sex, fingering (f. receiving), creampie, unprotected sex (wrap it dumbfucks), loss of virginity (Ethan), mentions of murder, scars and Ghostfaces. | lmk if I forgot anything!

| masterlist | bc: @cafekitsune

A/N: okay so this was supposed to be a drabble then it was suddenly 1.6k words (don't ask me what happened), I hope whichever one of you requested this likes it, I TRIED I PROMISE and here's the link to request!

virgin! Ethan Landry x female! Reader

Ethan didn't ask about the scars for a week.

He didn't act any different despite seeing the ugly healed-up wounds all over your skin. Despite some of them being from playing around, most were from your fight with the Ghostfaces.

You thought he would be disgusted when he first saw them, the one second before he had closed his eyes, but there was no visible disgust on his face. Only concern.

And he had apologized so much that you practically pitied him.

Even now that you were on his lap, your lips tangled with his in a heated kiss. His hand on your nape, another hand on your hip. He hadn't ventured far yet, being as respectful as he could be.

All the while you felt yourself getting needy for his touch. After another heated kiss, you pulled back, a string of saliva connecting your lips. Ethan's face was flushed with a crimson red, breathless from the kiss.

The hand on your hip went near the hem of your shirt and you felt yourself tense. "Can I?" He asked softly. You give him a nod, anticipating this time, he would feel disgusted. That he would leave you heartbroken.

He took off the shirt, his breath caught in his chest as your scars came into view.

The gashes were all over your skin. White healed tissue tinged with pink. "How?" He lets out a choked whisper. "Would you mind telling me how?" He said, again, his eyes looking into your so tenderly with no hint of disdain.

Taking in a deep breath, you nod and begin to tell your story, everything from your father dying and you killing Amber to get revenge, for the wounds you got from the fight. Everything.

"I know they aren't the prettiest to look at," you whispered, "I know I understand if you don't want to stay with m-" "Don't even finish that sentence," Ethan interrupted.

"Don't," he said in a firm tone, making you look up at him. His eyes were filled with tears even if they didn't fall, he pulled you in for a hug. "You went through so much," he whispered, his voice filled with emotions, filled with care and love.

"Let me take care of you, they're not pretty but they're a part of you and I love these scars just as much as I love you." He said you felt yourself nearly getting to tears as well from his words but held yourself back.

"Okay," you whispered, "Take care of me."

And that's how you end up under him, bare for his lips to kiss all over your scarred skin. You let out encouraging purrs as his kisses travel down from your neck to your collarbone. A small cut was there due to negligence while handling knives. He licked the edges of the scar. You sighed as he continued to worship your body.

He finally reached your torso, and a huge gash was there. He had stopped kissing your skin now, staring at the pinkish tissue that was a huge contrast against your skin.

'Now,' you thought to yourself, 'He's gonna realize that you're just not worth it, not with all the baggage and the scars on your skin that come with it.'

"I wish I could kill them," he whispered, his lips brushing against the scar. His words made you melt because it was tinged with truth. There was no doubt in his mind that he would kill them if he had the chance.

He pressed wet kisses onto the scar, making you let out a small sigh. He then crawled on top of you again. His voice was filled with nerves as he whispered, "I have never done this before."

You cup his face with both of your hands and pressed a small kiss on his forehead. "I have," you whispered, you had lost your virginity to Quinn so you were at least aware of what you liked or not.

"I could teach you," you offered, "Figure out what we like or not together." His doe eyes fill with relief and he gives you a smile as an affirmation.

"I would love that," he said, leaning down for another kiss as his hand traveled down to your soaked panties. He lets out a gasp into your mouth as he feels the material cling to your fold.

He panted, "Oh- you're so wet. Is that all for me, darling?" The way he asked made your cunt clench, so breathless and in wonder. "Yeah, E," you whine as his fingers glide on your clothed pussy, the slight friction making you gush out more juices.

"Can I take it off?" he asked, and you nod. He slides down the panties, and throws them on the floor, making a mental note to take it for himself later.

He pressed his fingers to your folds, sliding them across your cunt until the tip of his finger finds your entrance. You let out a small gasp, feeling yourself clench. "Can I?' He whispered, and again you nod. "Go ahead, E," you whispered.

The first digit enters, making him whimper about how tight you are, and how warm your insides feel. Your inner walls pulsate around the single digit.

He pumps the digit in and out before his index finger also joins. A whimper escapes your lips as your pussy stretches to accommodate his digits. "Is it good?" He asked, the nervousness mixed with heat in his tone.

"Perfect," you assure him, "Just crook your fingers a bit and you'll find a spot, focus on that for me, E." He eagerly does what you asked, his fingers finding your G-spot and pressing into it every time he thrusts his digits inside.

You moan, your hips bucking into his touch. Getting a bit more confidence from your pleasurable sounds, Ethan goes even faster. Your walls begin to pulse with the familiar need to snap the tension that was building but you didn't wanna cum so soon.

"Stop," you whispered and Ethan pulled back immediately with a questioning gaze. "Did I do something wrong?" He asked, concerned, "Did I hurt you? I am sorry."

You chuckled, "Nothing like that, my love. I was close…" You bite your lip, hesitating about saying the words that you knew would sound crude, "Wanna cum on your cock for the first time."

His eyes widened at your request. He nods obediently, pulling off his shirt with one hand and taking off his belt so he can slip out from the rest of his clothes.

His cock looked painfully hard with his cockslit leaking pre-cum all over his length. He stroked his cock to elevate some of his own needs.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," he whispered, as he slotted his girth near your entrance. His cockhead getting coated into your slick. You shake your head, "I want it, Ethan. So much."

He gives you a nod. He buries his face into the crook of your neck as he slowly slides into your warmth. Inch by inch, his cock stretches out your pussy, your inner walls molding into the shape of his length. He lets out whines as his veins sizzle with pleasure.

You felt his dick pulse and twitch as he whined, "Gonna cum. Gonna cum. Fuck, fuck, fuck-" Your hand goes to his hair to harshly tug at the brown curls. Effectively distracting him from the overwhelming pleasure. "Sushh, baby," you whispered, "It's okay. It's okay." He groans, "Babe…" You hum in reassurance. You make your pussy clench around his dick. Your walls squeezing his cock so suddenly makes his hips jerk into you, his cockhead grazing your g-spot.

You moan near his ear. "Like that," you whispered, "Take care of me."

It took him a few more moments to get used to the vice grip on his cock, the wetness, and the warmth before he began shallowly thrust into you.

He pressed kisses all over your neck, your throat, your breasts. Marking the places near your scars so you can remember this night. Both of you let out noises of pleasure.

He begins to thrust deeper than before as your nails dig into his back and he gets faster as well. Humping into you now, his mind getting lost in the sensation of your velvet heat.

"Am I doing all right?" He whines as his hips keep meeting yours. "Perfect," you moan in reply. His hips begin to snap faster, his thrusts deeper than before, filling you up. You moan louder as you keep getting filled with his cock. Your pussy begins to spasm around his length as the heat fills your tummy.

You were getting close with each snap of his hips. "You getting close, baby?" He moans, his lips now brushing against yours. "Cum on my dick, please, babe!" He begs, as he gets more desperate, his thrusts getting sloppy and losing their consistent pace.

Your free hand goes down to your folds to find your clit. Your thumb rubs fast circles onto the bud. You felt the telltale signs of your climax. Your stomach is coiling, just waiting to explode.

"Please, cum on my cock," Ethan whines again, his lips crashing with yours in a filthy open-mouth kiss. That snapped the tension your body was holding, you moaned into his mouth as your pussy began to squeeze his cock repeatedly. Your cunt milking his cock for all its worth. As soon as he feels your inner walls spasm and contract with a shallow thrust, he begins to cum.

He pants as his cum leaks out, too fucked out to pull out. You were both tired. Both emotionally and physically drained, it doesn't take long for you to sleep.

Ethan lays awake though, feeling the heat of your body beside him. Hearing you breath. He closed his eyes, and an image was in front. In which you're dead and cold.

He couldn't have that. He can't kill you anymore. Not after this. Not after promising forever with you, not after marking you and kissing your every scar.

He would have to choose in the future and he would choose you.

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

Tw: hate crimes, transphobia, pretty traumatic things Yves went through in his youth, body modification, violence, gore

Yves had breast augmentations before.

He had never truly identified himself as a woman, but he liked how certain dresses would look on him if he was well-endowed up top. He felt pretty and content with how he looked in front of the mirror after years of severe self-hatred.

It allowed him to bring back a bit more cash, but this wasn't his main motive to go under the knife. In fact, this observation disgusted him. Yves purely wanted a larger chest because it personally made him happy in his bleak bubble.

Though, it wasn't worth the sudden uptick of harassment and maltreatment from others around him. Men would predictably attack him every time he blinked, act entitled towards his body, and fucked him over in more ways than he could count. As if there was a massive bullseye target was painted onto him after he graduated from no bra to a C cup.

But what surprised him was that the women degraded him much worse than the men. They used to be indifferent to him at best, silently disgusted at him for being effeminate at worst. But as soon as he showed up with a feature that brought him closer to passing as a Cis woman, Yves lost almost all of their neutrality. Sometimes, they would set him up to be harmed by other men. Their hatred for Yves wouldn't be discrete anymore, they would call him hurtful names and slurs, accusing him of being a depraved sexual predator, even get into vicious physical fights with him, and end most nights with clumps of ripped hair and blood.

It was dangerous to reveal that he perceived himself as male while looking how he always desired to. So he lived a good chunk of his life under an identity that doesn't match how he felt inside. Yves had to train his vocal cords to sound feminine enough to not attract any more negative attention than he already had by existing somewhat authentically. He likes accessories that cover up his Adam's apple while flattering his form, Yves also likes styling his hair so that it takes the attention off his masculine features; covering his jaw and concealing his neck.

It was only when he caught himself in a particularly horrible altercation that his implants ruptured, spilling its silicone contents into his body and poisoning him slowly. But that wasn't as horrible as when he limped to the mirror right after merely escaping being beaten to death. He could ignore the wounds, bruises, and swelling, those can heal.

Yves was reduced to tears when he saw that he was ugly once more. His breasts were deformed and strange lumps started appearing elsewhere on his battered body. He couldn't afford to remedy it and neither was he mentally strong enough to handle the torment he was to face the following days. All his beautiful clothes are simply a reminder that he's a freak, an abomination of nature so atrocious, that the world tries everything in its power to kill despite Yves doing nothing except existing.

He swapped his stylish and gorgeous tops for baggy sweaters and turtlenecks. Anything above the shins was thrown out, likewise for clothing articles that revealed more than his face and hands. Gone, all of it must go. With a heavy heart and eyes puffy from incessantly crying, Yves burnt them all.

Yves was powerless back then. If the world didn't think that he deserved to wear it, then he simply had no right to. And he hated it, they made him feel like mere dirt no matter what he did. He couldn't do anything for himself without being unfairly punished for it.

He has moved on from that stage in life. He had matured and found peace within himself. Yves had fixed himself and he had learned how to let go. It's been a long time, the details are hazy to him now, and that is probably for the better.

But only if you knew what he went through, you would understand that he wasn't vacantly staring out of disapproval when you told him you wanted to have breast augmentation, just like he did when he was a fucked up young man. The long period of silence coupled with his empty emerald eyes unwaveringly trained onto yours wasn't due to judgment of your desire, but it was to manage whatever the fuck you dug back up he buried inside him by asking that one damned question.

After an uncomfortable pause, he would seemingly snap out of it and go ahead to tell you about all the risks that might come with it. In the end, he appears neutral, even supportive of the idea if he deems it beneficial to your self-esteem. All this while, you would never know about his own experience with it, Yves doesn't see the need to disclose it to you.

He had learned to let go of the past, making him see everything through an unbiased lens. You are not him, and you will never go through what he had to.

Yves makes sure of it.

[minhosimthings]

A La Folie ft. Jay || Part 3

Synopsis: Wounds came and went. All in the circle of life am I right? The greatest warrior among all the kings, Park Jay. For him, seeing blood was like seeing the sky. It was a daily routine which he could not escape. Yes sometimes he had grave injuries, which he wouldn't stop to take care of, with him being a workaholic. But sometimes healers do more than heal physical wounds, and for Jay, you did exactly that.

Pairings: King!Jay × healer!fem!reader

Warnings: SMUT MINORS DNI, virgin reader, dom!Jay, sub!reader, corruption kink, vanilla sex, unprotected sex (not for you), mention of bruises (reader and Jay), fingering, cumming on fingers eyy, honestly this is all such fluffy smut, FLUFF SO MUCH FLUFF, kinda dramatic sorry bout that, mention of blood, fluffy ending

A/N: Last part babies! So I'll have a wedding scene out if I can but this does it for Jay's part in the French Quotes Series. Next is my baby Jakey, but I cannot promise that it'll be out soon since my classes have started becoming harder. But I'll try hard so enjoy everyone!

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

The French Quotes Series Masterlist

'The second born, a mere girl.'

"I pity you, Jooyeon is a wonderful man, it is bad luck with the girl.'

"I'll take care of you Y/Nnie! I'm your big brother aren't I? You can trust me!'

'You are nothing but a mere useless girl, you'd be better off as a wife, trust me.'

'look at poor little Y/N and her ugly little scars. You cannot be seen with us, trust us. Now shoo!'

'just sell her off for some money why won't you! Trust me it'll be good for us.'

'I said I'd protect you didn't I? I'm your brother, don't you trust me?'

"Do you trust me Y/N?"

"What?"

"Do you trust me?"

Trust, it was a word you didn't know the exact meaning of. Your mother told you to trust her, your 'friends' told you to trust them, Jooyeon told you to trust him. And yet trust came in a way you hated. Trust came in a way you despised, and you decided forever never to trust, trust.

But Jay was asking you.

He wasn't blindly telling you to just trust him.

He was asking you.

"Should I?" You fired back, albeit feeling a bit shy infront of him now.

"That's not my decision to take, it's yours." Jay brought your knuckles to his lips and pressed kisses against them, making you effectively giggle.

"If you do decide to trust me though," Jay chuckled, not breaking his eye contact with you, "Would you allow me to kiss you one more time?"

"Can- I mean—May I ask a question instead?"

"We just kissed, love, don't be so formal." Jay chuckled, squeezing your hand slightly. He was terrified of making you uncomfortable even in the slightest.

"Why aren't you disgusted by— by this?" You looked down at your collarbone, to the big, ugly bruise. You had removed the shawl you were covering your off-shoulder nightgown with, and the bruise shone bright in the moonlight like darkness enveloping light.

"Oh, my darling." Jay's eyes softened as he cupped your cheek gently, celebrating the fact that you didn't flinch at his touch, "Why would I ever be disgusted by something as beautiful as you hmm?"

"Can I ask a favour then?" You said, trying to keep your tears in, God Jay spoke to you so softly, like you've always wanted to be spoken to.

"Ask away."

"Could—Could you touch me?"

Jay smiled like a moonbeam, and gently bought his finger to the tip of your nose, booping it with a tiny 'boop!' from his mouth. This was possibly by far the most adorable thing he had done.

"There, I touched you." Jay smiled brightly again like a proud child.

"I didn't mean that, idiot." You chuckled, "I meant the other touch. You know, the one where there's a man, and there's a woman and then-"

"Alright I got it don't elaborate!" Jay wore a panicked expression, making you laugh, "Are you sure? I mean, if you're not we can-"

"I want to know what it feels like." You cut him off, staring at his eyes lit by the moon, "I-I want to forget about what Jooyeon did to me when he forced himself upon me."

You had the slightest bit of courage to glance up at him, and you were both surprised and pleased that he wasn't laughing. Instead, he was looking at you with an expression singular to guilt.

"Would it be alright with my current predicament?" Jay glanced down at his bandages. You chuckled lightly at his sentence.

"I don't want to seem too needy, but yes it's alright."

"Too needy?" Jay leaned forward, trapping your figure in between his arms as they pressed on the mattress beneath you, "Maybe I'd like that."

With moonlight beaming across his tanned skin, glowing his brown eyes Jay looked ethereal in front of you. You let your fingers run through his thick locks that you adored as Jay moved forward to kiss your collarbone.

The soft sensation of his lips on your bruised skin made you whimper. If the taste of honey or chocolate chip cookies had a sensory feeling, it would be this. This was gentle like you had never felt it.

Jay's hands travelled to your waist as he placed your head gently on the pillow.

"May I?" He twirled his fingers on the fabric at your arms, removing your nightgown off of you, at the nod of your head.

"You're so gentle." You chuckled, as he kissed your neck once more, inhaling your lavender scent, "weren't you supposed to be the mercenary king?"

"Don't tell anyone I can be like this." Jay held up his pinkie to you in a childish manner, "Pinkie promise me."

You promptly intertwined your pinkie with his, giggling as he kissed the tip of your finger.

He hooked his thumbs in the waistband of your panties, you lift you hips for him to shimmy them down your legs, you didn’t even notice where he put them. You didn’t really care.

“You're so beautiful.” he sucks in a breath, running a finger over your groaning genitalia. You focused your gaze on his long fingers. You wanted them so bad, "May I, my love?"

“Jay, please” you grab at his hand that was teasingly brushing over your clit.

“tell me if it hurts and i’ll stop, okay?” he looks you in the eye, serious. You nod again, feeling butterflies dance an entire ballet in your stomach.

He slowly entered his fingers into you and you gripped onto his shoulders for dear life. Jay gave a few slow experimental pumps of his finger before you were asking for more.

It elicited a chuckle from him and he added his ring finger, just two was enough to stretch you out.

It was a delicious pain of his large digits splitting you open. You couldn’t even imagine how good his cock would feel. His wrist started to ache, but it was worth it to see the way you were taking it so well.

“Is this okay?” Jay asked in a worried tone.

“Yeah, that— that’s okay. Please— keep going.” you had no idea where all the sinful symphonies escaping your mouth came from, you didn't even know you could make them. All you knew at the current moment was absolute pleasure, and the face of the man who was providing you with it. Jay smiled softly at you and curled his fingers, doing a ‘come here’ motion inside of you. A muffled curse left your lips as your legs started to shake.

"Calm down, darling." Jay chuckled, writhing in pleasure at the fact that he was making you basically scream out in pleasure. He crashes his lips onto yours, effectively silencing you.

Jay shamelessly imagines how you’d feel squeezing his cock like this, while his other hand groped your tit, pinching your nipple. You arch into him and pull away from his lips to breathe.

You could feel a pleasurable tightening at the core of your stomach. It was akin to a tight ribbon and you couldn't wait to real free of it. It was pleasure as you had never felt it.

"Jay—Jay I'm- Oh fuck!"

“look at me, love. Just look at me” it was so pathetically adorable to Jay, and he couldn’t deny you, watching your sobbing eyes with his piercing ones, his forehead was pressed to yours and he groaned as you spilled onto his fingers. He was so deep you couldn’t feel it, but you could feel his fingers twitching, and you could feel yourself clenching and coming so hard you forced dribbles of your white come straight back out of your slit and dribbling down between your cheeks. 

Jay kisses you through your orgasm, groaning into your own mouth. Your pussy squeezes around his fingers and he swallows up all your noises.

In the rarest of times did you have no self control, and it seemed this was one of those times as you accident let out an unrestrained whimper, at watching Jay's magnificent figure above you.

Slapping a hand over your mouth, your cheeks reddened to an embarrassing amount and you could feel your ears heat up, as they always did when you were either ashamed or shy. You didn't know which emotion you were feeling at the moment.

Jay chuckled softly, leaning down to press a kiss to your blushing cheek.

"That was both adorable and extremely attractive." He laughed, pressing a few more ticklish kisses to your face.

"Choose one, Jay." You rolled your eyes playfully and giggled, "that was.... extremely pleasurable."

"Weird choice of words." Jay laughed, caressing your cheek, "If you want to say I'm hot, just say it."

"Shut up." You laughed, and pressed a kiss to his lips again, his hands held your waist in position.

"You haven't kept your promise though." You said, after a long silence of lovers, lovingly gazing into each other's eyes.

"I'm scared." Jay sighed, "What-What if I hurt you?"

You placed a gentle hand against his cheek, caressing it so softly that Jay melted into your touch completely. Your touch was all that Jay desired at the moment.

"I trust you." You said, looking into his soft eyes, lined with invisible kohl the colour of comfort, "I trust you as I haven't trusted any other ever."

Jay's smile echoed through your eyes like a box of sugar dragons, delicious and soothing. And trusting.

You watched, in awe, as Jay undressed himself, peeling off each layer of his clothing, as if it had been a restricting cuff on his body. You would have loved to touch his abs again, you thought, you could see them in the light of the moon above.

My my, you thought, as he steadied himself above you. He was truly carved from the clay of the finest potter in the universe.

"Tell me one last time if this is what you want." Jay asked you nervously, pressing a kiss to your neck.

"I want this Jay." You confirmed, smiling at him to ease his nerves, "More than you can imagine."

"Been admiring me have you love?" He asked, his voice dropped to a low, husky one, "Is that what a good healer is supposed to do?"

He lined up the tip of his cock at your wet entrance. You couldn't answer him, all that came out of you were desperate mewls as his tip brushed against your pussy slightly, like a soft paintbrush against a canvas.

"Here we go, then?" Jay smiled, before he moved his hips. You might as well have reached heaven, in the next moment.

Gasps, both pleasured and pained, left your mouth in melodies as Jay filled you completely, and slowly, his cock wriggling in your hole, giving your wet walls a sort of friction you both craved and despised, hated and yet loved so much. It was as if the Gods themselves had poured down their heavenly nectar on you, all for your taking.

Jay then began to thrust with a rhythm that made your heart pound and body ache with pleasure. You grasped at his shoulders as he kept up a steady pace, pleasure overflowing with each thrust that went deeper and deeper.

The bed creaked with every heavy thrust of his hips, pelvis meeting yours each time. You cried out everytime he hit your g-spot with such precision— he was so good at this.

“Holy fuck, you’re so tight” His eyes closed for a second, trying to hold his load a little longer. It didn’t take much time for his dick to reach that spot you struggled to find. It drove you crazy. You arched your back and that made Jay go faster.

"Ah fuck—Jay!" You let out a moan of pleasure as the sensations inside your body began to build up, and then without warning, an orgasm ripped through you as Jay touched your inner walls.

"You feel so fucking good." Jay growled, as he lost himself in the ecstasy that was your pussy. You ran your fingers on his scarred back, trophies of wars won and fathers destroyed, and he let out a pleasured whine at the feeling.

Jay's cock throbbed inside of your pulsating hole, creating a wet and sticky mess as cum poured down your thighs and stomach.

“goddamnit!” he forced himself all the way in, making your heart stop for a moment as he filled you up with his molten hot cum.

"Fuck—fuckfuckfuck—oh god-" a string of curses left his lips. He gave you a few more lazy thrusts, his groans turning into little whimpers before he pulled out, shooting a few last ropes onto your arched back.

Your back clattered to the bed, as you gasped, chest rapidly rising and falling. Beads of sweat rolled out from Jay's hair as he collapsed onto the space next to you. If this was what married woman felt on their wedding night, then you didn't know if you were concerned or happy for them.

Silence rang through the room for a few moments. The wind blowing in from the window provided comfort from the heat, and it allowed both you and Jay to return to normal breathing rate. Turning over onto your side, you looked at his almost drowsy figure staring back at you.

"What?" You laughed lightly, "Am I that endearing that you are staring at me?"

"Maybe." Jay chuckled, wrapping his arms round your waist and pulling you into get another kiss, a shockingly sweet one after the heated session you just had.

"I love you." Jay suddenly confessed, pulling you into a hug and burying his nose into your neck, "More than you can ever imagine."

"I love you too, Jay." You said. That was the truest thing you had said all day.

"So....wife?"

"Jay!" You blushed at his words, "How about a courtship first and then we can get married after Heeseung's wedding hm?"

"I don't want to wait." Jay pouted like a child.

Whatever the Gods were doing right now, you hoped that they heard your thanks.

"Someone looks extremely handsome today." Your complement rang in Jay's ears as soon as you step foot in his room.

"Is it you?" Jay asked, chuckling, eyes still focused on his diary, ink tipped quill in hand.

The past few days had been well, with Jay not willing to part your side even for a moment. Mrs Chun was out of her wits trying to figure out how you had managed to get him down, but you knew that Jay was only feigning illness to spend more time with you.

Plus, he started writing again, which was something to found extremely hot.

"New verse, darling?" You said, placing your chin on his head, and wrapping your arms round his neck. He instantly relaxed into your touch.

"New day, new verse. That's the rule." He popped his lips, and looked up at you, to which you placed a kiss on his nose.

"New day, new hours of sleep too." You yawned, stretching your arms, "come on, get to bed now mister."

"Y/N wait—I want to give to you something."

"You got tickets to the new play in town?!" You sprang up, "Jay thank you!"

"First of all, don't pretend to be interested in cinema I know you go there for the sole purpose of staring at that handsome actor." Jay rolled his eyes, "Second of all, come over here and I'll show you."

Reaching over to Jay in seconds, you panicked as you saw what Jay held in his hands.

"Jay, I can't have that!"

"Why not?" Jay fiddled with the blood-red ruby, intricately carved and set tight in the helm of the dagger. The sharp edge seemed to sparkle in the moonlight. The blood of dirt shone on it like cherry liqueur.

"Because- well—I mean it's your mother's."

His mother's

'Promise me you'll keep it safe after I'm gone Jay.'

'Mum it's just a dagger. What's so special about it?'

'It'll be a reminder to you, of happy times, so you don't forget me after I'm gone.'

'Then I won't allow you to go!'

'My sweet Jay, everyone has to go, it's just the path of life'

'make sure to give it to someone who makes you happy one day, Jay.'

"She always said this would remind me of happy things, happy times." Jay smiled down at the dagger, "She told me once to give it to someone who made me happy, truly happy."

He looked up at you with eyes filled with oceans of love.

"If I could describe happiness right now, I would say your name again and again." He breathed, cupping your cheek.

"You, Y/N, are my happiness. And it would make me the happiest man in the world if you would allow me to do this."

He bent down on his left knee.

Your eyes barely caught the glimmer of faded gold in his hands. Faded gold, a favourite of yours, Jay knew it from your late night discussions, especially when you would-

"Would you, L/N Y/N, marry me, and make me the most lovesick man in the world?"

You had once heard about lovers in insanity. What was it the poets called it... A la Folie! French apparently, a common language.

So you answered yes.

Yes, of course you would.

Of course you would stay with Jay, in all his moments, in the moments of mixed up potions, in the moments of fellow kings being overly dramatic to a wedding announcement, in the moments of tracing bruises, in the moments of sorrow, happiness, and love.

You would stay with him,

Till insanity.

Tags: @amazzwon @heeseungshim @kvmariii @mwahvvis @hottiewifeyyyy @sacrificeatmeup @perfectnighttt @yawnzzhoon @niinjo + Send an ask to be tagged!

PS: Wedding scene soon!

[trigunsbbygirl]

Human Things that Confuse Knives Part 2

Made a second one since I had more ideas lol

content warnings: teeth, use bomb in an analogy, mention bruises. this one gets more into the body/anatomy idk what all people are comfy with so just in case

•Knives already thinks dreams are kinda weird, but those surreal ones and the utterly weird ones that just make no sense or seemed so real you wonder if it actually happened? he wants to know what's going on in your brain. Knives will listen to you as you recount your dream, he won't say much or make any facial reactions, but part of him is kinda amazed that your can brain come up with the weirdest, coolest and/or creepiest things ever.

•the concept of having baby teeth and adult teeth weirds Knives out. when Knives learns that you do lose your teeth as a kid he's staring at you like you've just grown a second head. don't tell him that you have wisdom teeth that usually need to be taken out via surgery as a teenager. (Vash is kinda grossed out by it. found out when a kid he was playing with ran up to him and was like 'look! my tooth fell out!:D' he panicked, thinking they got hurt, but it's replaced with horror, disbelief, slight disgust and concern when he finds out every human looses a set of teeth. he hates it a little. has no idea what to do when a kid tells him that a tooth fell out. help him)

•also. imagine Knives surprise when he learns about the appendix. you had been talking with a friend when you mentioned appendicitis and that you had to have surgery. it peaked his interest and when you're done talking, Knives asks about it. he stares at you in uncertainty and disbelief the further you explain. what do you mean there's a small pouch in your stomach that serves little to no function that can essentially become a bomb? Knives doesn't actually believe you until he looks it up. he wonders how humans have survived with bodies like that.

•same wonder when it comes to you having to take vitamins and other supplements because sometimes a body won't produce enough of something or too much.

•the fact the humans shed/lose hair. Knives knows that, but it kinda grosses him out a bit. he hates seeing your hair strands, makes you clean them up. (I hc that the twins just have little to no body hair and they don't actually lose hair strands.)

•double jointed people also weirds Knives out. what do you mean you can twist or bend a joint further than normal? it doesn't exactly creep or gross him out, but he doesn't like it. he'll never admit that, but he won't look/talk to you for a bit after you show off that flexibility.

•Knives is fascinated by the way your skin can change colors. (don't mention that he can turn a lovely shade of red, he gets all huffy.) but, anyways, he loves examining your face, watching as your face gets darker with certain things he does. (also likes seeing your facial expressions. humans are so expressive..) he also likes seeing your bruises and watching as the bruise changes colors over time as it heals. you joked one day that you could give him a bruise of his own that he can watch. he didn't like the joke (he prefers to give you (consensual) bruises.)

•now let's get into reverse Isekai for a bit.

•Knives does not fucking understand social media lmao. why the hell do you have to tell people you've never met what you did or thought that day and why are so many people interested? why do people do stupid things for views??

•he hates online discourse and always tunes you out when you try to talk about something that happened online. he doesn't care and thinks it's stupid.

•do NOT let him find out about stan culture or chronically online people. he's gonna lose any faith he had in humanity again. I wouldn't worry about that too much though. he has zero online presence, never uses social media outside of YouTube and even then he only uses it to watch documentaries or how to videos.

•memes confuse him a lot, especially how fast they come and go. you don't even know how to explain them to him. "why is this picture of a man just standing so funny?" "it just is? I don't know either." how do you even explain memes and internet culture to someone who's never been on the internet lol

•Knives thinks you're really weird if you've got a skewed sense of humor where something dramatically falling over makes you laugh(thinking of that waffle video.) he watches those types of videos with a straight face and when the video ends he just stares at you, wondering if you seriously think that's funny.

•he hates those youtube poop and deepfried videos. not only does he find them stupid and doesn't understand them, but they just bother his ears.

•bonus: Vash thinks the circadian rythym is pretty neat and that some people just know when to wake up. it took Vash a while to develop one, or at least, something like that since he doesn't technically need sleep. it'll never quite be the same though since he doesn't exactly get tired like humans do. it took decades for that type of tiredness to become present, but even still, he doesn't need it to survive.

[andreal831]

This fandom needs to back off of Matt Donovan and Zach Roerig

Starting with the ridiculous: Zach Roerig and Julie Plec never dated. It's ridiculous that I have to say this. There is a blurry picture of him leaning in to Julie Plec at some point. I even tried to do the work for you all and could not find one shred of evidence of an actual kiss. Y'all are just wild for this rumor. If anything, my search revealed that Ian and Zach were in a relationship. I mean look at that affection.

Also, with just a tiny bit of research, we can find out that Zach was in a relationship when he started the show and, due to issues at home, he ends up fighting for full custody of his two year old daughter while on the show. The only romantic connection there is any reports on is with Candice King and that was relatively short lived. Otherwise Zach was just a single father, trying to raise and support his daughter.

Now people will try to say Zach is racist as well. I've heard he was racist because of dating Plec. See earlier paragraph. Or that he made racist comments to Kat. Again, there is zero evidence of this. People keep pointing to this interview saying that he either does the Nazi salute or a black power fist and it is such a reach it's ridiculous. He is looking at Kat because the question asked related to Bonnie and Matt and he reaches forward as a hand gesture and then raises his fist in a fairly generic way.

I can't tell if people get Matt Davis and Zach confused because he plays Matt or if people just love to hate on Zach because he plays Matt. Either way, it is disgusting to spread rumors about someone being racist when there is no evidence as far as I can tell. It's also terrible to distract from the actual racism that Kat had to deal with on the show.

From every interview I've seen he seems like such a sweet person. He even said working on the show was a "healing process" and yet the fandom treats him like this. Zach goes to the panels and none of his coworkers seem uncomfortable and avoid him. Not that them liking someone means that person is good, most of them still interact with Matt Davis and yet unfollowed Michael Malarkey.

Now onto Matt Donovan.

First of all, the fact that y'all pretend this man isn't attractive tells me all I need to know. Objectively, Zach Roerig is attractive. You can not like his character but you all just sound goofy.

The biggest complaint with Matt is that he is "useless," but this to me just shows you are watching the show for either the romance or attractive people and not for storytelling.

The role of the "human" in fantasy is so important. We, as an audience, are humans and we need to have a threshold character. A character that reminds of that even though we are rooting for the supernatural creatures, they are still not the good guys. It's why supernatural stories often revolve around humans. It gives the show the humanity that it would be in danger of losing if it just focused on the predatory species. Matt reminds us of the humanity that is at stake in the show.

Matt is particularly important in this show because he not only the sole human in a pack of supernatural creatures, but he is the only one without financial privilege in TVD. Matt not only comes from a family that is struggling financially, but his parents are gone and his sister is struggling with addiction. Matt is working it appears full time while in high school full time. All of his friends are going to parties and given cars and clothes, planning for college; while Matt is having to figure out how to afford his mom's mortgage/rent. Season 1 opens up focusing on how much Elena is struggling with the death of her parents but dismissed Matt's struggles as some lovesick teenager. When in reality Elena at least had a support system. Sure Jeremy was spiraling like Vicki, but Elena and Jeremy had Jenna. Matt was struggling with the purposeful abandonment of his parents and his sister's drug addiction with zero support system. He even loses his childhood friends when Elena and he break up. He only really has Tyler, who, let's be honest is not the best friend in Season 1.

He is also the first person in the show to lose someone due to the supernatural. His sister ends up attacked and in the hospital and he then has to figure out how to pay for that while taking care of Vicki who is clearly struggling even more than normal. When Vicki does end up dead, he knows there is more too it and the entire town, including his friends, gaslight him. Matt has every right to hate vampires. They murdered his sister in cold blood.

Matt is so devastated by Vicki's death that is haunts him throughout the show. He even risks his life just to talk to her ghost for a few moments.

People say Matt hates the supernatural, and he did, but he had reasons. And despite that, he was always there for his friends. Even when he was terrified, and in much more of a risk than his vampire friends, he was always there for them.

Yes, Matt is the one driving the truck when Elena dies and Stefan saves Matt over Elena, but none of that is Matt's fault. He was attempting to save his friend's life with Jeremey's help. How is that any different than Elena having Stefan compel Jeremy to leave town? Let's also not forget who helps Elena feed in her early days. But the fandom never wants to give him credit for that.

Matt is constantly used, berated, manipulated, and compelled by the supernatural around him. Mystic Falls needed someone like Matt to stand up for them since they were unaware of the supernatural world. Even the "good vampires" killed humans. Matt was trying to protect his town.

The last complaint ties it all in, that Matt only survived so long on the show because he was dating Julie Plec. Again, that's a lie. He never dated Julie, and it especially had nothing to do with the show writing. I would also like to point out that the character Matt is based on, Matt Honeycutt, in the book never dies. So why are we surprised he doesn't die in the show? Matt had a lot of close calls and even had a Gilbert ring for protection. No one ever asks why Steven McQeen (Jeremy) doesn't die or assumes it's because he was "sleeping his way to the top." These assumptions are immature and baseless.

All Matt wants to do is live a normal life, something he had to fight much harder than the rest of them for. He is the most consistent friend out of all of them. People love to say "how did Matt get so many girls?" Because he's nice. Because he respected them and fought for them, even if they didn't deserve it. They would all have been better off ending up with Matt.

Honestly, Matt and Cami's purpose are similar to me and both of the actors deserve such a huge apology from this fandom. Some of y'all need to learn to separate a show from reality.

[nova-alien-rants]

trying to finally heal my NPD and dealing with the damage it's caused is so fucking devastating

uhh if you demonize narcs please get off my blog before i launch you into the sun uhh this post is kinda long

it just... it hurts so bad dude. and i feel like my BPD makes it even worse because every time i'm confronted with the reality that i've fucked up those around me so badly, i can end up spiraling into thinking i'm the worst person ever, i deserve to die, i ruin everything, there's no hope for me, etc. it's so awful. i genuinely hate how much i've hurt those in my life.

examples:

i've gaslit my gf to the point where she still feels like SHE'S the problem, even though it's literally been me all along. she kept trying to help me and i villainized her the whole time. i'm disgusted with how i acted. my eyes have been opened and i no longer act the way i did, but the damage has been done and i can't help but cry because of how much i've hurt her these past several years.

my friend became used to me making backhanded jabs and even passive aggressive remarks because i always felt threatened by him. i stopped being mean to him like that, but because he was used to that dynamic with me, he kept up with his own vindictiveness and made me feel terrible that i trained him to do that in the first place. he doesn't do it with anyone else.

i've lost many friends and gotten into baseless arguments simply because i was acting like a giant asshole under the delusion that THEY were the assholes, not me. even though they literally did not do anything. my own ego was wounded and that wasn't their fault. i was such a fool for destroying those relationships.

i feel so fucking despondent so much of the time now, and i keep flip flopping between "there's hope for me and i can help reduce the stigma of NPD" and "i am the worst person ever, i'm a horrible monster who just hurts people, there's no getting better for me." my emotions are so intense. either they're everywhere, or they're nowhere. i also feel so much grief. i could have had amazing relationships with amazing people around me, and to an extent i do now! but so much of the lives of myself and others have been absolutely ravaged by my own self obsession and vindictiveness, and i can't help but wonder what things would be like if i weren't the way i am. honestly i'm so ashamed of myself for letting things get to this point.

whenever i would do research on NPD, i would wonder like... why do people not know they have this condition? how could they possibly not know when it fucks up their lives so bad? i knew about my BPD and OCPD before i even knew what those conditions were called, and those are also ego-syntonic personality disorders! so i was REALLY thrown a curveball when i was told i'm a narc. it felt like my world shattered and i simultaneously could see clearer, but also felt so much shame and sadness. and other things, but i don't even know what in specific. bad things. it seriously changed how i viewed myself and everyone and everything in this world around me.

i remember i would always tell myself i would never end up like my parents, both of whom are narcissists. they were and still are the worst abusers out of all the abusers i've ever had in my life. so when i found out i was a narc, too, i felt disgusted not only because it explained so much of my life, but also because it meant my worst fear had come true. i associate narcissism with my parents. i'd be lying if i were to say i didn't have my own internalized ableism about NPD due to them. at the same time though, i get distressed from sharing physical features with them too, so it's hard to really say. it just sucks all around.

i feel like some kind of evil monster crying crocodile tears upon finally having it click that they actually are, indeed, some kind of evil monster. i've hurt so many people so badly and i was totally blind to it. COMPLETELY. to the point i genuinely believed THEY were the ones hurting ME. sometimes i'm so consumed with shame i literally never want to show my face to anyone ever again. i want to run away and start a new life where no one knows who i am or what my past was like. but alas, such is not feasible, so i am stuck dealing with the consequences of my actions. and accept them i will, of course, because it's the grave i dug for myself, but fuck, man. this feels so awful. i feel so awful.