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#they just know what they like but don't know any labels for it
pricegouge · 23 hours
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cw: fat femme reader. shitty tinder dates. alcohol mentioned but not consumed. that's it. written on my lunch break and unedited so mind the mess
divider by @/cafekitsune | taglist @pricegouged
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You're on your second drink when you swear off dating apps altogether. 
Dylan - fine, normal, everyday, run-of-the-mill Dylan - had exposed himself fairly early as too fine and normal, and therefore boring, which wouldn't have been too big a problem if he hadn't also been leaning further and further into the asshole category with each passing minute.
The snide little comment about your weight would be enough to send you packing early under any normal circumstances, except you'd been an idiot who'd let him pick you up so you needed a ride home, and why pay for an Uber when you can be mean right back?
It takes you a moment to arrive at that conclusion, though, stopping mid sip of your water to arch your eyebrows at this pathetic little thing before you with enough force to have him backpedaling. You watch him flounder for a moment, considering your options, not listening at all as he tries to clarify that he's 'into it, though - big girls, that is'.
You roll your eyes away from him, pretend to watch the highlight reel of last night's match from where it plays on the outdated CRT in the corner. It's not even a good place for a date, really, a self-serve popcorn machine in the corner offering pre-fingered snacks and a low liquor shelf behind the bar suggesting you'd best be thirsty for something with no more than three ingredients. You're not exactly the snooty type, but you suddenly realize you should maybe learn to know your worth better because you cannot ever sit across the table from someone who's read The Game ever again. One more time might kill you, funeral expenses legally billable to Neil Strauss and everything. 
Except your new standards will have to be enacted in the morning because you suddenly refuse to spend a fucking dime on this terrible outing.
Dylan still looks slightly panicked when you turn back to him with a shy little affected smile and a demure batting of your eyelashes. You watch in real time as his expression shifts from pure panic at a gamble ventured and lost, to surprised delight when he thinks it's paying off. You let him keep thinking that, draw quiet and reserved the more dinner draws on though jokes on you there, because that just means you have to hear him talk more and it's a struggle to pretend you don't find the damn coasters more interesting than him at this point. 
(They're cardboard and growing waterlogged from condensation, the local brewery's logo becoming easily peelable. It's become your mission to get a clean pull by the end of his long winded ramble, though he's so invested in hearing himself talk that you surpass your goal twice, peeling both the front and back off the coaster and sticking the limp paper to your glass, pressing out air bubbles with your fingers like you're carefully applying proper labeling. He doesn't stop talking until your glass is labeled front and back, real professional.)
When he asks if you're ready to go you perk up like a dog hearing its favorite word. You wanna go for a ride? Hm? You ready to go home, girl? Your nod is bobble-headed, eager. You let him misread it because you're an asshole and because you did say in your profile that you weren't looking for hookups so really it's his own fault if he blue balls himself. 
The ride back is short, easy. You don't know if it's better or worse that he doesn't bother flirting with you here or test your expectations with a cheeky little hand on your thigh. Instead, his grip remains carefully at ten and two and you're grateful he's not touching you, really, but you know what he expects from you in a matter of mere moments, hours, whatever, and it pisses you off that he doesn't even bother warming you up to the idea by grabbing a feel of those 'big thighs' he's 'into.' So you let yourself stew, fuel for the fire, and you fiddle with his heat controls just because you can. 
If he was so dead set on ending this night all hot and wet, you could help him with that at least.
Sweat beads at Dylan's temple when he pulls into the intricate webbing of drives which make up your apartment complex. It's a nice enough place, one you can only afford with the help of one too many roommates. The steep rent is worth it though for nights like tonight, when apprehension begins to pool in your belly as you try to steel yourself for the small confrontation you're about to initiate. Dylan may have been a little weasel but he wasn't exactly contentious so you're not expecting anything too major to come of this, but it's reassuring to see so many people still out and about enjoying the cool fall evening. It's still fairly early, mothers only just heading back from the park with their double wide buggies taking up half the drive. They shoot Dylan ugly looks as he passes, just a hair too fast for their unofficial neighborhood watch. At least you know they'll be on your side if he really starts to act up.
Dylan does not need reminding which specific branches lead to your building, rolling to a stop next to your own car which you try not to look at with any familiarity. You may have already made the mistake of giving him your address, but every morsel of information he might glean about you now feels like a theft, and even what you had for breakfast is suddenly a dark secret you'd like to keep from him for no real reason. 
It's hard looking at Dylan now too, the shyness you'd been playing up before all of a sudden a very real obstacle as your eyes wander your building's facade, as if even you aren't certain which bay window is yours. Your lights are all off, you note with some annoyance, your roommates not home despite the fact they said they would be. 
'Up all night waiting for you,' Carren had winked, her big cheeky smile something you've never had cause to mistrust before. You gotta work on your naivete. 
Your eyes keep moving, resolved not to give away even your apartment number by being too obvious. They catch on the patio next door, however, when you spot your neighbor Kyle sitting on his Adirondack chair, smoking a cigarette as he watches this new car pointedly, doing nothing to hide his curiosity. 
If you had been smart you would've told Dylan to pick you up a few buildings down so he wouldn't even have the proper section, but the relief you feel at seeing your sweet, hot, extremely fit neighbor outside playing guard dog more than makes up for your mistake. So much so that your fingers don't falter when they find the handle, emergency release ready to be disengaged. You turn back to Dylan with a too-sweet smile and thank him for dinner again, already leaning out the door when he stutters something about having a good time.
"Yeah, me too," you call over your shoulder, beelining it for Kyle's patio because you've had enough drinks in that vacant chair across from him to know you're always welcome, especially in a situation like this. Sure enough, Kyle perks up when he sees it's you climbing out of the strange car, and then furrows his brow over your shoulder when you hear Dylan climbing out after you. Some snivelly little creature you've been trying to kill since you turned eighteen holds the reins when you turn back to him despite your better instincts, your need to avoid a scene outweighing everything else in that moment.
Your date's facade is visibly crumbling now, his frustration obvious in the set of his jaw and the sweat at his temples. You wonder if perhaps the thermostat had been a bit much and then immediately decide you don't care when he stammers something about maybe coming in for a glass of something nicer than what the restaurant had to offer. 
Presumptuous. "I don't," you blurt, only continuing when he blinks at you in confusion, "drink anything nice, that is." Across the lawn, you think you hear Kyle snort.
"Uh… coffee?" Dylan asks, just as stubborn as you.
"Gave up caffeine," you lie, trying not to think about the lovely mocha creation Kyle will likely offer you momentarily when you tell him you've got a splitting headache.
To his credit, Dylan doesn't quite pout. "Right. Well. Do this again sometime?"
And you're already on a roll with the lies so you just carry right on with them, chirping out a high, "Sure!" before trying to turn on your heel.
But you're out of niceties when a firm grip on your shoulder keeps you in place, Dylan's scraggly mustache looming into your space as you watch his lips pucker in horror. 
"Oh I'm good, thanks!" you squeak, yanking yourself out of his grip. A laugh bubbles out of you afterward, uncomfortable but still amused by your own reaction. Your satisfaction only grows when Dylan begins to look genuinely pissy. This was exactly what you wanted to avoid but you're past the point of caring.
"Is that it, then?" Dylan huffs, taking a daring step forward. 
You slide back, lock step. "'Fraid so."
"Even after I bought you dinner?"
"And made me feel bad about eating it?" You scoff. "Yeah."
"I drove all the way out from -."
"What's all this?"
You're not sure who jumps more at Kyle's sudden appearance. He hovers by your shoulder, a silent type of fury pulling at his pretty face. You forget sometimes he's military, his general geniality always setting you at ease. It makes this new version of him all the more frightening, a lethal force sitting pretty at your side. 
This is what makes the rent worth it, honestly.
"Kyle, this is Dylan. My date for the night."
Kyle hums, clearly unconcerned with the specifics. "Well, night's over."
You smirk up at where the sun still lingers over the horizon, pale behind its cloudy cover but present all the same. "Indeed."
"Piss off, mate," Dylan tries, his voice sterner than you'd originally given him credit for. 
You raise your brow at him but Kyle doesn't even bother. He turns to you and smiles, eyes crinkling around the corners, much too tight to be natural. "Luvie, will you go get us some drinks? Sliding door's unlocked."
Part of you rankles at the dismissal, but a bigger part of you does indeed want to be done with this horrible man so you nod, wave a sarcastic two finger salute at Dylan and finally make your way back across the lawn, slipping into Kyle's warm and cozy apartment with a sigh of relief. 
For all the friendly patio drinks you've had with him since moving in, you've never actually stepped foot in Kyle's place. You take a moment to admire it, noting the cleanliness and a tidiness which undeniably spoke of a military career. Still, small concessions to his personality dotted the walls and surfaces. A fresh laundry scented candle, a stack of blu-rays, framed pictures of people you've never met all grinning happily. You spot Kyle's same smile reflected back at you from all these different faces, his entire family evidently blessed with that thousand watt grin and you wonder how one camera could sustain all those lumens being beamed at it.
The layout matches yours, simply reflected. You find the kitchen easily, again noting the cleanliness with a nod of approval. Someday he'd retire and settle down, make someone extremely happy. You could only hope you would be long gone by then because the jealousy might truly drive you to desperate measures. Like taking Tinder back up again, for example. The notion draws you to the kitchen window, quest for beverages all but forgotten when you see Kyle leaning over Dylan's shoulder as the latter man flips through his phone. You frown in confusion, drawing closer to the window as Kyle reaches out and starts poking around your date's phone on his own. It's cracked open, crisp fall breeze whistling through. It drowns out the noise of the conversation but you try anyway, ears straining for any word whispered between the two. A moment passes, another. Dylan becomes increasingly agitated while Kyle stays the picture of controlled severity. You don't hear either of them at all until Kyle's eyes dart to the apartment, finding yours instantly. You gulp, feeling as if you've been caught despite not actually doing anything wrong anyway, and suddenly Kyle's veneer breaks like a thunder cloud. He claps Dylan on the shoulder heavily, turning his beaming smile on the smaller man and calling him a good lad.
Dylan mutters something indiscernible and turns back towards his car, resolutely ignoring as Kyle calls out overly friendly farewells. The engine rips to life, a low growl which suggests it's in dire need of an oil change. Still, it bravely fires up and carries Dylan away, Kyle turning back to you with a roll of his eyes which seemed to say 'this fuckin' guy.'
You grin at him, rolling your eyes right back before ducking your head, suddenly bashful under your neighbor's full attention. Drinks forgotten, you meet him at the door and thank him profusely, ignoring the way he tries to wave it off as if it was nothing,
"No, seriously, Kyle, that was very much appreciated. Probably not necessary but appreciated anyway. Please let me know if there's ever a way I can make it up to you."
And now Kyle's smirk is salacious. Great. "Well, you can join me for that drink I requested to start," he laughs, waving you back into his apartment. "Then you can tell me what you were doing on a date with a guy like that."
"Hm," you hum, already given in but thinking of how you can get what you want out of him first. Your scheming has already worked out so well for you tonight, after all. "Sure, but first you gotta tell me what you were doing on his phone."
He doesn't even miss a beat. "No can do. Top secret stuff."
"Oh," you scoff, allowing yourself to be corralled toward the couch. It's surprisingly soft, instantly cocooning you the moment you slump into it. A woven blanket hangs over the back of it which you wonder if Kyle would mind you using, if he'd get a kick out of returning from the kitchen to find you curled up like you owned the place. Probably, he wouldn't because he's much too nice to you always. "Potential terrorist threat was he?"
"He did fit the profile," Kyle calls back from the kitchen. 
You laugh, decide if he's allowed to call your date a terrorist then you're definitely allowed to use his blanket. His fault for leaving the window open on such a cold day. As expected, Kyle seems completely unbothered when he returns moments later, your favorite mocha monstrosity in one hand and his standard plain, sweetened coffee in the other. He holds your drink out of your reach teasingly however until you admit you'd met Dylan on a dating app and he tuts, relenting your drink to you almost as an apology for what you've had to go through.
"Why are you even on those things?" he asks, slurping at his coffee noisily. It's a funny habit of his, one he somehow manages to make endearing. 
Though, looking like that, you imagine he could probably make booger picking endearing.
"Well, Kyle, some of us aren't quite as naturally charming as you."
He smirks, doesn't bother to deny it. Cocky asshole. "Don't sell yourself short, I'm sure plenty of men would love to have their blankets stolen by you." He winks, hand reaching out to pluck at the weave which drapes over your shoulder. His hand lingers there, warm even through the layers, and your laugh dies in your throat, comes out as a strangled scoff.
"Well. Keep it a little warmer in here and your guests wouldn't have to make themselves at home uninvited."
Kyle's smile is softer this time, dangerously handsome. "You're always invited, pet."
And try as you might to be witty, you can't quite come up with a response to that. Kyle doesn't seem to need one, though, slurping at his coffee as he settles in, far too close. The hand which had been at your shoulder settles lower, palm warm where he kneads at your thick thigh experimentally. You'd laugh at the irony if your brain wasn't too busy turning somersaults trying to make sense of what's happening. Surely your neighbor Kyle - sexy, sharp, nice Kyle - isn't coming onto you.
Right?
But then he's leaning forward and placing his mug on the table, his thick fingers guiding your own mug to your mouth for a quick, stunned sip before pulling it away again and placing it next to his own. He's facing you now, full on, his big dark eyes gleaming with mischief. 
"I was making him delete all your contact info. Earlier. And then I made him deactivate his account," Kyle laughs, an infectious thing which gets you giggling too.
"Not willing to subject other girls to him?"
"I don't take chances," Kyle confirms, voice solemn as a vow. "But what about you, pet? What do I gotta do to convince you to delete yours?"
Given you'd already planned on deleting it, you should really just tell him you've already learned your lesson and there's no need to do anything at all. But your scheming has only yielded a fifty percent success rate tonight and you'd rather go for broke than break even so you just smile, wondering if Kyle saw your no-hookups stipulation on your profile before making Dylan unmatch earlier. 
You hope not.
"I don't know, it might take a lot of convincing."
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nelysius · 2 days
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some notes i took + extra shit i added
I was watching a manifestation video and he brought up some really good things that I wanted to share here. If this doesn't align with your beliefs then it is what it is, you don't have to read this. I just wanted to share some things that I thought could help some other people.
link to video -> https://youtu.be/ocp0OtwYzvg?si=emMYO4GdMaHqn4aq
Manifestation is shifting internally to a degree to which you are no longer emotionally dependent on seeing reality change. If you are good with or without it, it will manifest. Reality is a product of your mind. You already manifest unconsciously on autopilot. Your desired reality is nothing more than a universe that already exists.
You need to be thinking from the position of the attainment of your desired reality. You are already there. I personally believe that if you can even think of it, it exists. In the video, he also mentions how there's nothing particularly crazy because crazy is nothing more than a label directly linked to the 3d realm.
If the belief doesn't serve you, then it does nothing more than control you. Make sure the beliefs you have are congruent with the particular desired reality you want to be in . When something happens here, the amount of attention you give it is an indication to your state of consciousness at a particular time. Whatever you are particularly convinced by more often than not is a basis of your frequency. Having confidence. Who you believe yourself to be.
Manifesting is simply taking what's on autopilot, making it conscious, and then setting it back on autopilot. The best technique/method is you. Your emotional conviction. Whatever you know/believe will work. More important than any technique that you could ever possibly do, is the belief that what you're doing is right. Focus on your emotional conviction.
There's insecurity in your knowledge, you don't think that you know enough. You don't think that you have enough of what it takes to materialize what you want. And because you are insecure about that, the degree of your emotional conviction that you have or can generate within yourself is not that high.
"How long are you going to be insecure in what you believe you can achieve from a point of manifestation, considering you already do it?"
You don't need to do anything first. You don't need to meditate, clean your room, drink a shit ton of water, or anything else. All you need is self-knowing. Stop studying/learning and start doing. Analyze your beliefs and make sure they're in alignment with your desired reality.
"You can't control your first thought but you can control your second and every thought that follows after that."
Be on whatever technique you believe is going to work and stick to it. Convince yourself it will work to the degree that you don't have to question it.
Normal = frequency = reality
"Whatever you find normal, will find you in reality."
Normalize your desired reality. Take it off of a pedestal. Take it for granted like you take breathing for granted. That's how normal it is. Nothing about manifesting or shifting is special. Billions of people do it all of the time without realizing it. The only difference is that you are consciously choosing to do it. The more importance you give your desired reality, the more space you create between you and your DR. The bigger the importance, the bigger the space. Take your desired reality for granted. See it as nothing.
Manifestation is instant. In the mental plane, everything has already happened. It's the instant from which you begin embodying your desired reality to the moment you stop. The moment that you feel (from a point of natural and normalness, and emotions from the particular vibrations you'd feel upon being in that DR), when you feel that, and you're thinking from that, and your beliefs revolve around that, and your attention and identity is aligned with that, you've manifested.
"You can only have what you already have. You need to be it before the world proves it to you." The 3d is nothing but a mirror.
Guys please watch the video (I linked it at the top), there's so much helpful information in there. Also, I don't claim anything in this post besides the couple sentences I added so no one come for me.
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cephalopod-celabrator · 14 hours
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Hey! Are you a Harry Potter fan feeling disappointed and betrayed? Do you want a piece of well-written fantasy media that doesn't have a transphobic author? Then boy howdy have I got reccomendations for you 1) Discworld. Old fantasy series by Terry Pratchett, who co-wrote Good Omens. It's very funny but also really well written. It started as just a parody of Conan The Barbarian-style sword and sorcery fantasy but it has some genuinely fascinating worldbuilding and every book is a mix of silliness, fascinating fantasy ideas horrifying concepts, insights into the very core of what it means to be human, and really dumb puns. The representation is remarkably good considering they were written decades ago by an old cishet white british man. It has canonically trans characters, although they don't use those labels, and the author is dead so he can't disappoint you by suddenly revealing he's a far-right dipshit. 2) The Eruvia books. A pair of trilogies written by Melissa Caruso about a fantasy world much of which is modeled after rennaissance Italy, particularly Venice. There is a scene which contains three canonically gay mages each individually capable of destroying armies need I say more. Some truly amazing magic systems and plot twists and worldbuilding. The Swords and Fire series takes place first chronologically and is a better introduction to the magic system, but I prefer the Rooks and Ruin trilogy although both are amazing. Contains a multitude of queer identities, including one canonically trans character, three characters with they/them pronouns, and several characters that don't fit in a gender binary. 3) The Aurora webcomic. If any of you know of the Overly Sarcastic Productions youtube series, this comic is written and drawn by Red. Very pretty art, phenomonal characters, coolass magic system. Also if you're tired of stories always focusing on romance read this because like to this day there's only like the implied beginning of one romance arc in the entire thing. It isn't finished yet though. It's got dragons, gods, primordial elemental entities, and lil guys who need therapy. Also has a canonically trans male character. And it's a webcomic, so it's absolutely free! Just enter "aurora webcomic" into a browser and you can find it. All of these are, in my opinion, better written than Harry Potter but most certainly contain better queer representation and have authors with less expressed transphobia.
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hedonistpoet06 · 3 days
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What If The Storm Ends? - Part 2 Five Hargreeves x Female OC
'What if Five's time during that first apocalypse was slightly different, what if he wasn't alone for all those years?'
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Chapter synopsis: Still slightly stunned by the presence of another human being in the apocalypse, Octavia decides to mediate the tension by offering Five food back at her base. Despite both obtaining superhuman abilities, Five couldn't be more different from this bubbly stranger he happened to stumble across. Five finds himself in a complicated predicament as he naturally gravitates towards Octavia's warmth but he cannot forget his most important priority, getting back to his family. The two decide to strike up a deal beneficial for their survival, after all, strength is in numbers, right?
Authors Note: I don't know if this work is showing up on any of the tags i've listed it under. Is this a common problem for anyone else? I've never posted on tumblr before so I'm still trying to figure out the ropes ;w;. Let me know if this is appearing under any tags for you guys.
Nevertheless, enjoy this chapter!
Word Count: 7197
☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆
ii. 𝐀𝐧 𝐀𝐩𝐨𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐲𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐒𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫
After almost an hour of walking, Octavia had guided Five to where she had been staying for the past two years. The walk was pleasant but mostly silent. Octavia would try to ignite some form of small talk whilst Five kicked a rock along the ground to keep himself entertained.
In reality, Five was still processing the fact that he was no longer the last man on earth after the destruction of the apocalypse, a notion which he believed to be true for almost two entire years. Yet here Octavia was, another superhuman survivor. She wasn't just an apparition of his malnourished delirium, she was real and warm to the touch as Five had evidently felt earlier that day when he took her hand in his.
The pair had finally reached what Five had presumed was her dwelling. It was located amongst the outskirts of the city and consisted of the remains of a decent sized concrete building with the roof intact, it had to have been no larger than a small street front store.
"Welcome to my humble abode. It's not much but it does the job." Octavia pulled back a large sheet of metal which acted as her front door. Five followed her inside and was met with the insides of her shelter.
It wasn't gloriously spacious by any means but it was just big enough to fit a mattress, a few milk crates where she kept her belongings in and a small wooden desk, like those you'd find in a classroom.
"This is where you've been living this whole time?" Five noticed the scarcity of her settlement and although his own was far from luxurious, he felt somewhat uneasy at the bareness of her space.
Five couldn't find it in himself to judge however, especially if it had helped her survive against the past two bitter winters.
"Yeah. I think it used to be some storage shed for a high school. It survived the impact well enough... it gets kinda cold during the winter but it gets the job done." Octavia explained and Five agreed, it had most of its four walls and a roof which was rare considering the demolished state of the city.
"It's practical. I like it." Five complimented and Octavia smiled proudly before walking over to one of the plastic milk crates. She knelt in front of it and began to rummage for the tinned goodness she had promised Five.
"Why thank you." Five regretted inflating her pride any further but remembered that she was the one who offered him food so he bit his tongue.
"Here, catch." Octavia retrieved a small metal tin of baked beans from the crate before standing up again and tossing the can to Five.
Octavia was secretly impressed by his abnormally sharp reflexes as he retracted a gloved hand from one of his pockets and caught the can without fumbling.
"Thanks." He said curtly but the boy couldn't ignore the intense rumbling that erupted in his stomach as he saw the dusty label that read "Original Baked Beans In Rich Tomato".
Five hadn't eaten anything since the previous morning when he mistakenly decided to test the myth of Twinkies lasting forever, turns out it was just in fact a myth and they too have an expiry date like most edible things.
"I only have one fork and a mildly bent spoon so take your pick." Octavia walked over to where Five was standing in the middle of the room and gestured to the two utensils she had clasped in her hand.
"I'll take the spoon." Five said although he really could not find it in himself to care as his hunger started to overwhelm him.
Five watched as Octavia made herself comfy on her bed, which was really just two old mattresses put together with a pile of some tattered blankets on top. She pressed her back up against the concrete wall and began to open the metal tab on the can.
She then looked up at Five, who was staring back at her awkwardly with a can of beans in one hand and a disfigured spoon in the other.
"You can sit down, you know? I don't bite." Octavia chuckled and patted a spot on her makeshift bed.
"I'll take your word for it." Five decided that he would rather sit comfortably then make a spectacle of himself eating whilst standing up. He sunk down on the old mattress but ensured that he still kept some distance between him and Octavia, who was still a stranger to him.
"Bon appetit, Five." She said as Five opened his own can eagerly. His mouth salivated at the sight of the beans drenched in sauce and immediately began to shovel the food into his mouth.
Five was never a fan of baked beans, his mother often prepared it as a side dish at breakfast time but he always refused it. Now, Five was going on more than 24 hours without food and he did not care about his usual disdain towards the food.
He was forced to put that picky part of himself to bed a long time ago when survival became his top priority.
"Damn. Someone's hungry." Octavia stifled a smile that began to grow on her face as she watched the boy next to her chow down on the canned food in an almost feral way.
"And you're not?" Five replied, he then brought the sleeve of his jacket up to his lips and wiped the leftover residue away.
"Oh, I am. I just haven't lost my table manners two years into the apocalypse, that's all." Octavia let out a small giggle at her own remark. Five paused his eating to glance over at the girl next to him, he noticed the calm and poised manner in which she held her fork. Now Five just felt embarrassed.
He cursed himself for growing flustered so quickly, after all why should he find it in himself to care? It was the apocalypse and the table manners which his adoptive father incessantly drilled into him had completely left his mind.
"How are you so... perky?" Five asked, he was genuinely intrigued how someone who had survived as long as he had managed to be so giggly. It was borderline infuriating and slightly unexpected for Five.
He always was a cynical person, even before the apocalypse. Five knew he was smarter than his own siblings and often gloated about it. He had a natural inclination towards mathematics and physics thanks to the nature of his powers but his intellect only heightened his ego.
"What do you mean?" Octavia lowered her fork, taken aback by his question. She knew that her lively attitude did not correlate to their situation; however she found it completely futile to adopt a pessimistic mindset when everything else outside was crumbling.
"I mean you. You're so bubbly for someone in our predicament." Five explained and watched as Octavia's brows furrowed at his words. He felt his cheeks turn warm, he hated how he sounded like one of his siblings who would often imbue humour with their respective powers. "That pun wasn't intentional." He insisted and Octavia gave him an unconvincing look.
"Well, I guess I kind of always have been. Don't get me wrong, I certainly wasn't jumping for joy when the whole world ended but I guess I quickly realised that there was no good just wallowing in my own despair. I just had to keep going..." Octavia explained as she picked away at the remains of the cans label.
Five watched her nimble fingers scratch away the adhesive sticker and started to dwell on what she had said. Despite the morbid context, Five secretly admired how her bright attitude had remained continuous.
"Just had to keep going, huh?" He asked. The ambiguity of her words had reminded him too much of himself.
"Yeah, I always did kind of hold out hope that I'd see something or someone and that would reassure me that I wasn't completely alone out here." Octavia looked over to where Five was situated on the other end of the mattress.
"And yet when you did you thought it would be a good idea to trap me in your bubble?" Five teased.
"You had a gun! And besides, stranger danger still applies in the apocalypse." Octavia exclaimed and threw her hand towards the direct of Five's rifle which he had propped up against the wall.
"I mean, I'm technically still a stranger to you." He stated truthfully.
Although Five had only met Octavia that day he concluded that they gravitated towards each other so comfortably because of their mutual connection through their powers.
"As am I." Octavia retorted confidently and Five softly rolled his eyes, a smirk tugged on the corner of his lips as he continued to eat his beans less feverishly now.
"How old were you when your powers first manifested?" Five spoke up.
The surrealness of the day had begun to catch up on him and the boy had to remind himself that he was in the company of not only just another living person, but a person with superhuman abilities much like himself. Only Octavia wasn't like himself or his adoptive siblings or even the other mysterious children who he shared a birthday with, she was an entirely different entity. She existed outside of his world and time and Five found himself increasingly fascinated.
"I was four." She admitted.
"And how did it happen?" Five pried further.
"You're asking a lot of questions." Octavia smirked, giving the boy a taste of his own medicine.
"You're the first person I've seen in two whole years and you expect me to not ask questions?" Five declared and this caused Octavia to chuckle softly again.
"No, you're allowed to be curious. But does this mean I get to interrogate you next?" She abandoned her now empty can of beans to the floor. She then crossed her legs in an attempt to get comfortable and shifted to face Five.
"Depends on if I'm feeling nice enough." Five said vaguely, keeping the aloofness present in his voice. The truth was he didn't know what to tell her, his situation wasn't exactly the easiest to explain.
Five was positive that Octavia would recognize his affiliation with the academy if they both lived in the same city despite the years between them.
"Well if you must know, I made my first forcefield because I didn't want to take a bath." Octavia revealed.
"Pardon?" Five had choked on the last bite of food which he had mistakenly put in his mouth.
He was caught off guard by the unserious nature of Octavia's statement. He was not expecting that. Five watched out of the corner of his eye as Octavia tried to hold back a smile from forming at his simultaneous struggle of choking and chuckling. She thought the humorous sight before her was almost endearing.
"Let me elaborate, when I was younger I used to run circles around the living room hiding from my Mom because she would chase me to take my nightly bath. I wasn't a dirty or unhygienic child, believe me." She started and Five found himself grinning at her words.
"Sure." He quipped back, eyeing the state of her dirtied jacket. In all fairness, he was not exactly the pinnacle of hygiene at the moment.
"Watch it." Octavia said menacingly before she continued to speak, "I just didn't like bath time because I knew that bedtime would be straight after and I didn't want the day to be over yet. One night, my Mom was chasing me and I turned my head to look back at her. I could see the horror on her face as I ran straight towards the dining table. I should have split my head open on the corner of the table but I didn't. I braced for the impact but I never felt any pain. And when I was brave enough to finally open my eyes, I was surrounded by a soft purple sphere of light." Octavia's eyes softened as she narrated the memory, a mixture of both nostalgia and melancholy lacd her voice.
Five listened attentively to the recollection of her memory as he compared it to his own and that of his siblings.
"So it sounds like they first materialised as a natural consequence of self defence." Five assumed based on the information she had provided.
"I mean, I guess? That's a very fancy way to put it." Octavia tilted her head, shrugging her shoulders as she looked at him. She had never really thought about it in that regard. Her powers were always a part of her, like her cells and DNA, her power was hardwired into her very being and she knew it was what made her different.
"What did your parents do, when they found out that is?" Five asked.
"Panic probably. But after they got over the initial shock that they had a super human baby, they tried their hardest to keep everything discreet and give me a somewhat normal childhood. My mom was an elementary school teacher so she left her job to homeschool me during those years when I couldn't quite keep my power under control. They were always scared that I'd accidentally slip up and show my power off at school and then the government would hunt me down and do research on me like some kind of lab rat." Octavia explained and she felt a complicated smile grace her face as she remembered her youth.
Octavia knew that her powers had to be kept a secret, but she was never kept a secret herself. She knew that her parents loved her an immense amount and they proved that through their actions.
"Seems like they made quite the sacrifice to keep you safe." Five replied, his voice slightly solemn which surprised Octavia.
Five couldn't deny the familiar feeling of jealousy that washed over him at Octavia's description. It was the same bitterness he felt when he'd walk past a park and see children playing or when his siblings and himself would go on missions and reunite hostages with their families. He was resentful of the way the parents would weep and hold their child as if they were never going to feel them in their embrace ever again.
"They did. I'm eternally grateful for how much they gave up for my benefit. But don't get me wrong, they didn't deprive me of a normal childhood. I wasn't on house arrest my whole life because of what I could do, my parents were just cautious. Cautious of who came to the house, cautious of how my temperament affected my powers and such. But other than that I had a pretty normal childhood." Five tried to subdue the envy that coursed through his being as Octavia spoke.
"Is that so?" Five asked, curious by what she meant exactly. He knew that being home schooled wasn't a part of the typical American nuclear family checklist, Five wondered to himself if Octavia had also felt the same isolation which he had.
"Well, every summer when dad could take time off work we'd drive out of the city to my grandparents farm up north. We'd spend every summer there with my cousins and I could just let loose and be a kid." Octavia watched as Five nodded softly at her response, he was absorbing every detail that she gave him and tried to picture it in his mind.
Five tried his hardest to imagine what her childhood would have looked like in stark contrast to his own, the rural nature of the farm and the company of her family sounded almost heavenly to him.
Although Octavia felt slightly embarrassed at her mindless rambling at this point, she was also appreciative of how he let her speak so freely, how he listened so diligently. His snarky demeanour that she had gotten well acquainted with since they met only hours ago was gone and was replaced by something almost curious.
"Sounds like you had a good life before all this." Five forced himself to bury his jealousy deep within some dark cavern of his chest and tried to conjure a genuine response.
"I really did," She said, her voice mellow as she began to reminisce on the nostalgic details of her youth,"My cousins were all older than me and they knew about my powers. It was our big family secret. Although, there was only one strict rule enforced which was absolutely no force fields allowed on the farm." Octavia chuckled at her recollection of her grandmother's authoritative voice.
"I don't blame them, they're not exactly pleasant to be trapped in." Five huffed in amusement and Octavia shot him a playful glare before continuing.
"My family used to have this joke that I'm our great-something-grandma reincarnated from the Salem witch trials and I'm here to enact my revenge." Five chuckled as she tried her hardest to sound wicked.
"A witch reincarnated, huh?" Five had to admit he found the inside joke slightly comical.
"I wish. As cool as it would be to be related to a witch, I think I'm just the anomaly in the family." Octavia sighed and Five was painfully reminded again of how different their separate lives were before the apocalypse started.
"I wish I could relate to that sentiment." His voice was barely above a whisper but Octavia managed to hear it clearly.
"What part, being the witch or the anomaly in the family?" She asked and Five instantly regretted opening his mouth to respond.
"The latter." He silently prayed that his dry tone would encourage Octavia to not poke any further, unfortunately it had the opposite effect.
"You have a big family?" She questioned, eager to know what the boy meant.
"We aren't talking about me here." Five dismissed her quickly.
"You said you'd tell me about yourself once I opened up." Octavia recalled their agreement they had made only moments ago.
"If I was feeling nice enough." Five replied quickly, making a heavy vocal emphasis on the 'if' at the start of his sentence.
"And are you?" She queried.
"I'll decide once I finish eating, bubbles." Five smiled at himself for the genius nickname he endowed on her and grinned even harder when he saw her jaw clench in annoyance.
"Hey! Don't call me that!" The blonde girl exclaimed, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Well don't call me Cinco!" Octavia let out a melodramatic groan and rolled her head back against the wall in defeat. Five let out a small huff of irritation at her childish behaviour however his smirk was still plastered on his face and didn't seem to be going anywhere.
"You are vexing, you know that?" Her head was still resting against the wall however she tilted it slightly to look over at Five.
"I'm surprised you know what that word means." Five hurled back.
"Dickhead." Octavia mumbled but Five didn't take her profanity to heart, "You know when you're homeschooled it only takes about two to three hours maximum to complete the assigned work." She stated and Five tried not to scoff again at the irony of her words. He was no stranger to the concept of homeschooling.
"I'm aware." Five for once was being truthful. Although the academies teaching regions were mostly tailored towards their superpowers he also had to complete traditional academics.
"Well then you should know that with that abundance of spare time that I had the opportunity to indulge in literature, meaning I have developed an extensive lexicon." Octavia proclaimed and Five chuckled at her confidence.
"And you called me the nerd?" He mocked Octavia's earlier sentiment when he was attempting to explain his power in a sophisticated way.
Octavia's face flushed at Five's remark, however she quickly mumbled some curse word under her breath before changing the subject.
"What about you?" She asked, obviously deflecting Five's previous taunting.
"Hm?" He pressed his lips into a thin line, not exactly sure of what she meant by her question.
"How old were you when you found out you had powers?" Octavia elaborated and Five shrugged his shoulders in a casual manner.
"Not entirely sure, our powers have been ingrained into me and my siblings' lives since before I could even remember-" Five began to speak but he was quickly interrupted by Octavia's exclamation.
"Ah hah! So you do have siblings!" Five let out an irritated sigh and rubbed his eyes.
"Shit." How had he let that slip so easily? Especially after all his effort trying to shift their earlier conversation away from his past.
"I knew I could make you crack." Octavia laughed and Five was absolutely furious with himself. His hands tensed around the empty can of beans in an attempt to conceal his annoyance at both himself and at her.
He wasn't directly annoyed at Octavia exactly. He was enraged rather by the fact that she had so subtly maneuvered the conversation to make him open up which he so desperately tried not to do.
"Damn it! Fine! I have a family, six other siblings if you're dying for specifics." Five said, the defeat evident in his voice.
"Wow, that's a whole village. And you all have powers too?" Octavia asked, attempting to put some of the pieces of information together herself.
"The majority of us do, I guess you could say it runs in the family." He answered.
"What are they?" Octavia knew her chances at prying any more information out of the boy was slim but she still wished to try.
"That's all you're getting." Five had pulled the plug in this conversation.
"Five, please!" Octavia insisted and Five noticed how she shuffled her body to face him. In doing so, she had effectively moved a few inches closer to Five, something which he was now incredibly aware of.
"No." Eventually, after half an hour of annoying Five she finally gave up.
Their empty cans of beans were long forgotten on the floor. The rigid yet fresh tension that surrounded the pair since they first met had started to melt away as they talked. It was a bizarre predicament that neither of them expected to happen when the day started. Both Octavia and Five had woken that morning believing that they were each most likely the last person on earth, only now to find themselves amongst each other's company.
Octavia was still bewildered by the fact that she had met this boy only a few hours prior and here she was in her own base, sharing a meal with him and letting him sit on her bed and talk to her.
Of course she didn't want to believe the terrifying prospect that she really was alone, but the possibility of someone else being out there felt inconceivable.
The pair talked about a myriad of things, mostly apocalypse related but some not.
Five told her the story of how he was forced to eat cockroaches for a week during the winter because he was so short on food. Octavia gagged at his vivid narration of the memory but she had to admit that she had also done her fair share of disgusting acts in the name of survival. Octavia relaxed as Five spoke, resting her head against her hand as she laid across against the worn mattress. Five was still stiff and alert however, sitting upright on the mattress with his back up against the wall, but his arms were loosely crossed over his chest which Octavia had interpreted as being his attempt at relaxing.
Their conversations were still filled with some witty remarks but their topics of discussion flowed very naturally. Octavia didn't expect it to be so alleviating to talk to another person after two years of solitude, it was like a boulder-sized weight had been lifted off her shoulders.
A small girlish part of Octavia had forgotten about the current obliterated state of the world outside. For a slight fraction of a moment, she had discarded the reality of the apocalypse. She imagined what this conversation between us would have been like if the two of them didn't meet this way. Octavia couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if they had met at school, maybe they two of them would be be academic rivals turned unlikely friends, and she would invite Five over to her place to work on a project, only that the pair would find themselves on Octavia's bedroom floor, talking rather intimately, much like how they are now.
However, Octavia was brought back to their unfortunate reality by Five asking what time it was. She quickly stood up and walked over to the sheet of metal that substituted a front door.
"Oh shit. I lost track of time, it's completely dark out." She cursed as she was met with the lack of light outside.
"Damn it. You're right." Five stood up and walked over to where she stood, examining the dark landscape from over her shoulder. He let out a small sigh at the sight.
Five should have known better than to lose track of time and Octavia felt incredibly guilty for forgetting the desolate wasteland outside.
"You can't just teleport back home?" She asked and although it was a valid question, Five's abilities didn't exactly work like that.
"I told you I don't teleport! Besides, my powers are more effective when jumping smaller distances." It was true, the reliability of Five's spatial jumps began to dwindle when he tried to cross farther distances.
Then there was an awkward silence between the two of them and Octavia's mind began to race as she tried to find an appropriate way to articulate her solution.
"Five." She spoke up.
"Yes?" He looked at the girl who was only a few feet in front of him. He admired the way some of her hair had become loose from their braids as they spoke, it made her look like a little kid who was ready to succumb to the comfort of sleep.
"Do you wanna maybe spend the night? I don't want you walking back to your base in the dark. I have enough bedding and I can set it up if you'd like?" She proposed her idea and Five felt his brain effectively shut off in that very moment.
Did she mean what he thought she meant?
"Uh..." Five had been rendered speechless for the first time in the whole six or so hours that Octavia has known him.
"We're not sharing a bed you weirdo! I've got a spare mattress you can take and even a blanket. " Octavia exclaimed and rubbed her temple in dismay.
"I wasn't insinuating that!" Five's face reddened for what was probably the tenth time that day.
"Get your mind out of the gutter." She replied with a small smirk as she walked past him, bumping his shoulder,"Or do you want to risk getting killed by god knows what while walking home in the dark?"
Five's stomach tightened as he felt her shoulder brush his with enough pressure to be forceful but also playful.
"Oh shut up," Five muttered, his tone unfortunately betrayed him and revealed his slight embarrassment and frustration. He grumbled for another moment before he spoke again. "Fine. I'll stay the night."
"See, you didn't have to make it weird." Octavia called out teasingly as she began to look for the spare bedding that she kept in one the milk crates. Five huffed again, and even though Octavia wasn't looking at him she could feel the agitation emanating from his body. She then dragged the secondary mattress she used to elevate her bed across the floor and to the opposite side of the room.
"There you go, now you won't get cooties." She said jokingly as she looked back at Five. His hands were shoved into his pockets and his face was softly illuminated by the oil lamp she kept on the nearby milk crate.
Octavia felt her snarky remark fall back into her throat as she admired his sharp yet ethereal features for the millionth time that day. She just had to remind herself that this was probably just a combination of her isolation and the start of her pubescent hormones. He was just a boy. A boy who was sleeping in her home, only a few meters away. But he was also the only boy Octavia had seen in two entire years.
"Thanks." He said softly, "For this and dinner." Five gestured to the cans that were abandoned on the floor.
"No worries," She said and began to unlace her shoes in preparation for bed, "Goodnight Five. Thanks for not murdering me." She smiled and Five did as well.
"Anytime Octavia... 'night..." Five began to strip his shoes and jacket off and tried to make himself comfortable in the makeshift bed Octavia had provided for him.
It took Octavia a little longer than usual to fall asleep that night.
She was suddenly hyper aware of the boy's presence who was sleeping only a few feet away from herself. Perhaps it was just the fact that she wasn't used to coexisting with another living, breathing person in two whole years. Or maybe she had truly become accustomed to the silence after all her time in solitude.
She found that her ears were extra sensitive to the sound of his tossing and turning against the bedding, he was obviously struggling to sleep as well.
Octavia woke that morning to the sound of Five's feet pattering against the concrete floor of her base, as if he was pacing around softly.
"Good morning, sunshine." Octavia said sarcastically as she sat up. She reached her arms up in an attempt to stretch out yesterday's stiffness from her back.
"Morning," He responded, his voice slightly softer than normal, his voice still laced with the residue of sleep.
"How'd you sleep?" She asked as she got out of bed. She noticed Five was already dressed in his jacket and his boots were fully laced. Octavia began to question if he was just extremely eager to get out of there and away from herself.
"Fine, until you started snoring." Five teased. Octavia didn't actually snore at all that night, the sound of her breathing made it hard for Five to drift to sleep but he simply wanted to provoke her.
"I do not snore!" She exclaimed, sounded very offended and Five mentally celebrated his little victory.
"Oh really? And who has told you otherwise?" Five enjoyed how riled up Octavia was getting over this, it was extremely amusing to him.
"Who's to say that you don't snore?" Octavia began to gather some clothing that was folded in a nearby crate.
"Well, did I?" Five asked as he watched her turn her back to him.
"Take a guess." She called out and Five rolled his eyes at the aloofness of her words, "Now can you do me a favour and step out while I change. Or are you going to get weird about that too?" Five groaned at her successful shift in their banter.
"How are you so good at pissing me off?" Five asked, more so to himself than to her directly.
"You're very easy to piss off." She answered him anyway, "Besides, I grew up as the youngest of my cousins, my word is my best weapon." Five could somewhat relate to her explanation even though he would never verbally agree with her.
"Very amusing." He said dryly and stepped out to give Octavia some privacy to change into whatever spare pair of clothes she had the fortune of having.
When Octavia gave him the all clear to come back into the concrete shack, Five was surprised to see her packing a backpack.
"Are you gonna help me scavenge for breakfast or are you just gonna huff and puff in here all day?" She asked as she shoved a water bottle into the bag.
"Alright, fine. Let's get breakfast," He said firmly, his tone slightly reluctant as he tried to brush off her previous teasing.
— -- —
The pair had returned to Octavia's after a successful food run and Five immediately got to work taking out the cans of food and setting them on the dusty floor. He eyed each of them silently before he began to mutter about how much protein was approximately in each can and how the two of them could stretch them out to last them as long as possible.
"Rationing there, are we?" Octavia questioned as she removed her backpack, leaving it by the door.
"We have to, smartass," He said matter-of-factly, "Rationing is how we get the most out of the food we have, to make it last longer. Christ, how have you survived this long?" Octavia grimaced unpleasantly at the comment, feeling as if it was completely unnecessary.
"I know that, Five. I'm just pointing out the fact that I did only ask you to stay the night yesterday and now you're speaking as if you intend to stay for longer than I anticipated." She crossed her arms and looked down to where Five was situated on the floor.
Five's heart dropped at the gravity of her words. He couldn't believe that he had taken it upon himself and assumed that this wasn't just a temporary thing. It wasn't everyday that you meet a fellow survivor in the apocalypse, Five only thought it was a smart decision to stay together.
"That's not what I meant-" Five shot up quickly and started to defend himself.
"Hey, it's fine. I was gonna bring it up earlier anyway but you were in such a foul mood before breakfast." Five quickly forgot about his previous embarrassment and quickly became defensive at Octavia's accusation.
"I was not in a foul mood." He stated.
"Yeah and the sky is purple." Octavia taunted, crossing her arms.
"Oh shut up." He grumbled.
"What I was trying to say is that... what if we don't part ways, what if you don't go back to your base and I don't stay at mine. I mean strength in numbers right? We've gone these past two years alone and thinking that we were the only people left on the planet... it feels counterproductive to split up, no?" Octavia tried to formulate her words in a cohesive manner and Five was stunned that she too had the same idea as him.
Five didn't respond. He was consumed by his own thoughts which for the first time in his life, felt illogical.
"I mean if I really do annoy you so much that you would prefer to choose a life of isolation then be my guest. But I want you to know that I'm thinking about survival for both of us." Octavia insisted.
"No, no, it's not that-" He started but was quickly cut off.
"Then what is it?" Octavia asked. She didn't know whether to feel offended at the boy's hesitancy or dismiss it as his lone wolf ideology he had adopted after two years of solitude.
Five couldn't exactly label this unwelcome feeling that gnawed at his bones, and his lack of knowing only contributed to his irritation. His answer was so obviously yes, he didn't want to leave her, not when he had spent this long being alone. And yet he couldn't find the right words to say.
"If you don't want to, that's fine, after all its double the worry, double the supplies and double the effort, but I thought for both of our sakes and sanity, survival in numbers is always safer, you know like you see in those apocalypse movies." Octavia continued, substituting Five's silence with her rambling.
"That is a horrible and inaccurate comparison to make." He rubbed his temple at her passing mention of those cheesy apocalypse movies which were over sensationalised and not at all a reliable source of information.
"You know what I mean." She shrugged, obviously defeated.
"Fine, let's stay together." Five agreed, although he didn't actually need much convincing unlike what Octavia thought.
It's not that Five didn't want to stay with her, he was taken aback by how badly he did want to stay with her. But Five couldn't ignore what he had been working so tirelessly at ever since the apocalypse started, finding a way to get back to his family.
Five was scared that involving Octavia in this hypothetical equation would only further complicate things. However, the benefits of her company seemed to outweigh the minor hiccup which was that Five technically belonged to the past.
"Really?" Octavia was almost startled at how quickly the boy had agreed to her proposition.
"But we're not staying here." Five added as he looked at the small structure of the building Octavia had called home.
"Thanks." She said bluntly, offended at his choice of words.
"No offence. My place is a lot more developed, there's more space and resources. I think we'll both be a lot more comfortable there." Five justified.
"If you say so." Octavia saw no reason to argue.Her place wasn't exactly the pinnacle of comfort and she could only assume how the lack of space would be inconvenient and uncomfortable.
"So I guess we're going to have to lay some ground rules." Octavia declared and Five raised a brow, curiosity forming in response to her statement.
"Ground rules, what are we? Roommates?" Five was only teasing at first however the reality of the situation had just occurred to him, they would indeed be sharing the same space and living alongside each other.
"Well, kind of. It's just like you said earlier, we only ever had to think for ourselves until now. We have to learn to coexist with another person and keep enough supplies going to last between the two of us." Five watched and smirked as she spoke with her hands.
"Right, what were you thinking?" He stepped forward and brought himself closer to Octavia.
"Well, the first thing that comes to mind is food. Obviously we need to make it last. Do you want to scavenge for our own food or scavenge together and share what we have." She counted on her index finger before looking back up at Five.
"Share." He said swiftly, not thinking twice about it.
"That's surprisingly generous of you." Octavia was caught off guard by his response.
"I don't need any potential arguments to start because of a lack of food." There was the traditional survival logic that seemed to justify all of Five's decisions.
"Fair point." Octavia clicked her tongue, agreeing with him.
"So food will be a team effort. And as far as living at yours, do you have enough bedding? Or are you expecting me to carry my mattress across the city?" The question was a genuine concern but Five chuckled softly at the image he conjured in his mind of forcing the girl to drag her mattress across the miles of debris and rubble.
"I have more than enough at mine. You'll be fine." Five confirmed and he shoved his hands into his pockets.
"Anything else you want to lay on the table?" Octavia asked.
"Yes actually. I'm curious about how we're going to coexist with each other." Five had been thinking an awful lot about their pleasant conversation from last night.
Although their conversation was mostly free from bickering and teasing, Five found that he could speak to Octavia in a way that he couldn't with anyone else, not even his siblings. He had strangely enjoyed talking to her for such an elongated period of time and seemingly forgot about the world outside.
"What do you mean?" Octavia wanted to know more about what Five had meant. She was worried for a moment that the boy believed her stranger danger paranoia might get the best of her when he least expected it.
"As appreciative as I am of human company during the end of the world, I still require some degree of privacy." Five thought about the old library which he now inhabited and the equations that were painted across the remaining walls.
Just because he knew he wasn't alone anymore didn't mean he was ready to give up. He needed to get back to his family.
"Come again?" She asked and Five had to think carefully about how he was going to phrase his next few words.
"To put it bluntly. I'm working on something to do with my powers. An equation of some sort." So far, so true.
"Why?" And there was the very response he had anticipated.
"I believe that not only do I have the ability to jump between tangible spaces... I can also jump through time." Now that was a blatant lie. Five knew for a fact that he could jump through time, it was the very reason he got stuck here in the first place.
Five had tried to tell himself that it wasn't a complete lie, he was simply obscuring the truth. After all, if Octavia was going to live with him she was bound to have questions about what he was doing and why. He was simply just feeding her a watered down version of the truth to keep her from asking anymore questions.
"It's a hypothesis. If I get the numbers right, I believe I could time travel back to before the apocalypse even started. Maybe change one small link in the fabric of time to prevent it from ever happening at all." This was probably the most truthful thing he had said yet.
"Are you fucking serious?" Octavia's jaw dropped slightly. She couldn't believe the words that had left his mouth.
Even though Octavia was no stranger to superhuman abilities the very concept of time travel seemed incredibly far fetched and next to impossible. Yet here this boy was, standing in front of her and insisting that it was possible. She didn't know the technicalities of how it all worked but the very prospect of being able to go back in time before any of this had happened lit a warmth within Octavia which she hadn't felt for a very long time.
"I haven't stopped trying since the moment the apocalypse started." Five said, averting his gaze from Octavia, who was very much still gawking in disbelief.
"So, what does this have to do with us? If you don't mind me asking." She fidgeted with her fingers as she spoke and looked at the boy in front of her.
"All I ask is that I require my privacy whilst I'm working on my equations." Five stated. The hard part for him was over.
"Sure, I've been alone for this long. I'm sure I'll fill in the time doing something." Octavia complied, not wishing to disrespect the boy's boundaries.
"You'll be pleased to know I've settled down in the remains of an old library. And surprisingly, plenty of books are still intact." Five remembered the piles of books which he had collected in his own dwelling and smiled when he saw Octavia's face light up instantly.
"I'm sold." She blurted.
"It doesn't mean I don't want you to talk to me. All I ask is that you understand my request, it's been a long time since either of us have had to live with anyone else." Five continued, he didn't want Octavia to think that her presence was going to be an inconvenience for him. There were just some things that were safer for her to not know.
"Well, how about this? During the day we can do our separate things but every night after dinner we have our designated 'us time'. Time when we can interact and socialise and not think about apocalypse or survival shit, like what we're going to eat tomorrow or if we're going to freeze to death. We can talk about anything or not even talk at all. We just need to keep our socialisation up without stepping on each other's toes. And also to help us from going completely insane of course." Octavia had come up with her second great proposition of the day.
Five didn't find it in himself to argue with her, he didn't want to. Her very idea sounded somewhat actually pleasant to him.
"I can work with that." Five said softly.
"Sounds like quite the beneficial agreement." Octavia concluded and he nodded his head in agreement.
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all images above were sourced from pinterest!
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hi!! sorry if this is a rude comment, and i know this isn’t exactly relevant to your blog, but i noticed at one point when you were talking about the black/Black thing (i read up on it because of this blog, and found it very interesting) you mentioned something about people with disabilities.
in the post, you mentioned a friend with a disability who prefers that label, and the way you phrased it makes it sound like it’s the label all people in the disabled community prefer, which isn’t quite true.
i’m not sure how much you know about the subject, but there are 2 main ways to refer to disability: person-first language (pfl) and identity-first language (ifl)
i could give you my messy little explanation, but emily ladau’s book ‘demystifying disability’ —incredible book btw, highly recommend— says it better than i could.
Person-first language (PFL) does just what it says: it puts the word “person” first, before any reference to disability is made. This type of language is all about acknowledging that human beings who have disabilities are, in fact, people first, and they’re seen not just for their disability. So when using PFL, you might say “person with a disability” or “person who has Down syndrome” or “people who use wheelchairs.” The logic here is that disability is something a person has, rather than who they are, so by separating any mention of disability from the person and putting it second, you’re showing that you respect the personhood of someone with a disability.
Identity-first language (IFL) is all about acknowledging disability as part of what makes a person who they are. So when using IFL you might say “disabled person” or “blind person” or “Autistic people.” In this case, disability isn’t just a description or diagnosis; it’s an identity that connects people to a community, a culture, and a history.
she uses ifl for herself, and expands on the reason a bit more in her book —which is still very good lmao— but this ask is already longer than i intended it to be, and still painfully off-topic (i wasn’t going to say anything but i kept thinking about it sorryyyyyy) so i’ll shut up now, sorry about that!
Hi, I must admit, I don't know what post you're specifically speaking about so that I can understand what you're talking about and apply this knowledge. Can you link me the post?
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shortcakelils · 6 months
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what are Cameo, Dipper and Estelle’s orientations if they have any? (Sexuality, romance, gender, etc)
Also who do you think (out of the three) has the most experience with relationships?
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Cameo has no experience, Dipper has no experience, Estelle has every experience under the sun
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sukibenders · 7 months
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When it comes to Penelope I feel like a lot of her fans take any valid criticism towards her and turn it into hate, which does her character a disservice. While some people do hate on her, a lot of it holds valid reasons. Admitting that she has hurt many people isn't wrong because she has, it's been shown on throughout the show and the impacts it can have. From labeling Daphne as "unmarriageable" during her first season and events that followed, her labeling Eloise as being part of a group of rebels, the terms she used to describe Kate [and Simon]-- which carried racial undertones no matter how you try to spin it, who didn't even know personally at that point, what she did Marina. All of these were very harmful and to say that none of these characters should feel angry, that they should just forgive Penelope without any work put into it is very laughable (especially because she's still writing as Whistledown and put many, namely women, at risk during a time where reputation is everything--something in which Penelope herself faces). With this being said, criticizing her actions, at least for me, doesn't come from a complete place of hate but more so from believing that she can be better if she puts in the work. By ignoring all that she's done and having her get her happily ever after so easily in the end, to be honest, would ultimately feel lackluster. I feel like she still has room to grow, but it will take a lot of work and, I personally, think seeing her renavigate who she is with who she wants to be outside of Lady Whistledown would be very interesting.
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questioning sexuality is so exhausting
#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me)#i keep on doing it for no apparent reason#someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that.#even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women.#i hate it here!#for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man!#at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage#and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk#but at the same time i. want to be loved.#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself#i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it#and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately#this isn't entirely related but it kind of is#like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it?#i don't know. i don't know!#for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know#i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that.#but i don't know how to stop it.#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.#this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are#queer stuff tag#i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as#the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing#ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded#also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him#i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know#i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all.#i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever#care for me#now im rambling. sorry
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starlene · 25 days
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I redrew the Utterson/Jekyll sketch that almost broke my scanner. The new one only crashed my photoshop once, which I'm choosing to interpret as a good sign.
Unfortunately though, as often happens with these things, I like the first sketch better despite everything wrong with it. So heck it. I'll just post them both.
Based on that fic I wrote last week.
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darkacademiaarchivist · 2 months
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i had a conversation with my aunt today about how the system and politics and basically everything is fucked at the moment (which is true) and she was SO CLOSE to so many points but she never acknowledged that capitalism is the root of so many of those problems... Bestie you're So Close...
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blastlight · 2 months
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every so often i think about how if i ever make a post or something that blows up, i'll immediately be harassed en masse by people claiming i'm a zionist
#i've seen the people you call zionists and that's when i know we're not speaking the same english#1) every time it's about someone who *isn't* pro-israel and/or *is* pro-palestine:#but what they *are* is somebody who condemns hamas or mourns 10/7 or calls out antisemitism or thinks israelis are normal people#defensive anti-propoganda on tumblr (where the majority opinion seems to be that israel and *anything and anyone remotely connected to it*-#-is Pure Evil) is not indicative of somebody's full opinions or their other actions#do you know how many progressive jews debate with pro-israeli-government jews offline and in more prominently jewish spaces?#no. because there's no room here to talk about any of that#not when discussion is seen as co-conspiring and the only real action is extreme action#jews *are* a close-knit community and a lot of jews probably don't feel comfortable airing their arguments within the community#because there's also a general feeling that regardless of our actual politics people are going to consider us a monolith and-#-be antisemetic across the board. this is a feeling that does not originate from but was heavily reinforced by the Holocaust.#2) i don't know how good of an idea it is to say this so bluntly but it's sorta horrifying how easily people will just say 'X is a zionist'#and expect that one word to carry so much meaning that no other explanation is required.#Zionist. Evil. Stay away.#i'm so fucking exasperated and disappointed#not only does *actual* zionism come in many different forms functionally#but the word means *nothing* when you use it to mean so many different things *which do not all hold the same weight*#blast babbles#jumblr#i/p#sorta#ask to tag#regarding the actual post here...#i'm not a zionist#i'm not an antizionist#i'm not comfortable trying to stick a label that's bigger than me over my name#i don't have any illusions that people will judge my opinions fairly either way#just don't say that i'm something i'm not#just because i say some of the same things as people you don't like#gonna have reblogs off but replies on. feel free to chip in. (edit: tag limit reached!)
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solradguy · 10 months
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Always kind of surprises me how many people still call me 7oby over any of the other random handful of names I go by online because I think the only place I still have it listed is one line halfway down my pinned on here haha
I don't really care what people call me though; I've got like 10+ names at any given moment and am equally indifferent to them all. It's just interesting how that name in particular with its goofy Halo number has stuck around for almost 20 years rofl
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featherymainffins · 3 months
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Kinda fucked up how all the people I know are like "Yeah I know what I want in my life. I want to work in X field and I want/don't want a long-term partner who I'm going to marry, I want kids and-"
and I'm there just like 🧍
#like wow ok#i have no idea what i want man I'm just doing what's required of me#or more like i think i know some of the things i want but I'm actively beating them up every day and instead choosing#what i consider to be my duty#like yeah I really want to work in design and you know the dream is character design and concept art but that's unrealistic#and any design would do. but that's selfish so like lol no. psychology it is. social work if i fail at that. it's an acceptable#compromise. it's not what I want but it is what i am ok with subjecting myself to.#whenever it looks like I might fail a class at university i get really anxious but also really excited#because on one hand I'm failing to take care of my duties and responsibilities. on the other if they kicked me out nobody could#say i didn't try. i could just say that I'm too stupid. i could say that i don't have what it takes. id be a failure but not out of my#volition. they could tell me that im stupid or inferior but they couldn't label me selfish.#and then id just fuck off to work as a florist or maybe id just work in a smokes shop or anything low stakes like that#while I'd be looking for a job in design. hell i don't even need a job in that field; id love to just work a simple job where after clocking#out i could just go home and partake in my hobbies. like i wouldn't even need to have it as my field of work id be perfectly#content with posting character designs online and sometimes getting a small buck by selling pins and dolls and etc#that's definitely what i want in life. but that's fucked up and selfish and would make me a failure and then i would never#be able to even dream of earning humanity. so. doing my duty it is
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deoidesign · 3 months
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wdym by "see" them? Do u have that thing where u cant see pictures in ur head?? 👀
oh, yeah, I mean I can see vague shapes but there's no color and it's like blurry and tunnel visioned at best
I can "taste" in my head pretty well and hear in my head even better though!
I think it makes me more satisfied with my art, because anything I draw will always be the only way I can see it... I've never struggled with the classic artist pain of it "looking so much better in my head" I'm always like oh hell yeah it looks so cool now that I can see it!!!
I also think it's why I have so much desire to draw. I have a lot of ideas in my head, and I want to make them real! I want to see them too!!!
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daz4i · 1 year
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ik it's not good to latch onto a mental illness as your defining trait but also. babe i don't have much else going on or any other sense of identity beyond it
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cookiecomics · 9 months
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