#they’re starting to take my abuser’s side because of how horrible my mental health has been and how i have expressed that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

g0kotta · 3 years

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Ride or die

Platonic!Haitani brothers x gn!reader, slight Sanzu x reader. Izana, Kakucho and Mikey are mentioned. This is around 3k words

“What happens if one of us dies?”

“If I’m being honest. I think if one of us dies the other two would follow.”

“Right to the grave?”

“Yeah.”

PLEASEEE READ THE WARNINGS: drugs, guns, death, angst no comfort, no happy ending, addiction to drugs, overdose, curse words, slightly sexual themes? Like mentioned one time I think. This is just rough. I’m not too happy with how this was written but it has a lot of dark and heavy themes. Mentions of religion, atheism. Mental health problems. Mentions of abuse from family members. Mentions of suicide. Parts with the italic font are memories from the past.

“Growing up poor was shit. The ‘money doesn’t buy happiness’ was also a shit joke that probably a middle class person came up with. Maybe they were even rich? Because surely a poor person would never say something that dumb. What could be even shittier you might ask? Growing up with two drug addicts that always forgot they even had a kid.” Your fingers tap on the metal table in front of you. “For a couple of years I grew up completely alone. At the age of four I already knew how to cook myself something I could call meal and knew how to take care of myself. I thought that I didn’t need anyone else and I could be fine with being alone. But it got.. lonely after a while I guess.” A pen clicking and then touching a paper sounded way louder than it usually did. Probably because the room was nearly empty. And cold. It was very cold. It reminded you of a place you once called home.

“When did you meet the Haitani brothers?” The woman sitting in front of you pushes her glasses up and clicks her pen a few times. You smile slightly and lean your head back.

“I was six. We met in a playground. I ran away from home, because my parents went batshit crazy and started throwing plates at me. It was nothing new, but still. I always felt safer when I left that house. So I ran out every time something bad happened and came back when I knew that they would be asleep.”

Crocodile tears were running down your face, while you were running away from your parents. Your small palms reached your cheeks as you tried to wipe them off. And as you finally reached the safest place you knew of, you fell flat on your but and then laid down on the grass. The sky seemed so peaceful. Clouds looked like boats, sailing around the blue waters of the sky. And as you took in the beauty of your surroundings, you didn’t notice the two boys coming up to you, until they laid down next to you. One on each side.

“Hey. You okay?” One of them asks and you quickly snap your head to the side, your eyes meeting his.

“Yeah. Fine.”

“Doesn’t look like it.” The other boy states as they both stare at you. “I’m Rindou. And that’s my older brother Ran.”

“I’m Y/N.”

“Hm.” The woman hums and keeps on writing. “You know I’m trying to help you right? I need to give you as much information as possible. Otherwise you know what’s waiting for you.” She sniffles and straightens her posture, trying to look as professional as possible. “You all did horrible crimes. But before talking about that, I need to know about how it all lead up to that. Maybe you have any mental illnesses you don’t know of yourself. So tell me everything. Every little detail you can remember.”

“What if I don’t remember much?” You stare right at her, making her uncomfortable.

“Tell me what you remember, (L/N) (Y/N).”

“Hold my hand c’mon, (Y/N)!” Rindou yells and you grab onto his extended hand. “Move your fucking ass faster! They’re right behind us.” The both of you take quick turns, trying to mislead the cops. Growing up in Roppongi meant that the three of you knew the streets quite well. It seemed like you had it all mapped out in your head. So it wasn’t like it was too hard to run away. But in this moment it was, since you got shot in the leg.

“I can’t, Rin. Shit I can’t feel my fucking leg, how do you want me to fucking run?!” You yell right back at him and suddenly he lifts you up and throws you onto his shoulder, mumbling “c’mon, c’mon please” under his breath. A car stops right in front of you and Rindou thanks whatever gods that Ran wasn’t high out of his mind and actually came to help the both of you out. He opened the door and laid you down onto the backseat before hopping into the car himself.

“They’re bleeding.” Rindou shouts at Ran and Ran’s knuckles turn white as he grabs even harder onto the steering wheel.

“They’ll be fine.” He tries to convince himself and his younger brother at the same time. “We just need to reach Izana. He’ll help us out.”

“Stop.” The woman interrupts you. “Who is the Izana you’re speaking of?”

“He was a well known delinquent that led his own ‘kingdom’ as he liked to call it. It was a gang full of strong delinquents that took over Tokyo fast.” You smile, remembering the white haired short man. He always held a sweet spot in your heart with his scarred friend Kakucho.

“When was the last time you spoke to him?”

“Five years ago.”

“Why did the two of you stop talking to each other?” The psychiatrist asks while writing down the information that you told her. “You were smiling while talking about him. That means you cared, or maybe even still care about him. So why haven’t you spoken in such a long time. Of course, besides the fact that you’ve been in prison for a year.”

“He died.” She was shocked with your answer, but quickly cleared her throat and resumed to her stoic facial expression.

“Who killed him?”

“Some random dude I’ve never heard of.”

“Did he help you then. With your leg?”

“Yes. He had a medic on his team, that dropped out of med school. But he had good knowledge of what he was doing.”

Ran grabs the small bag that contained white powder from your hands and poured it onto the table. “If we continue on with this.. We’re gonna be rich!” He smirks as he looks down at the backpack laying on the cold cement floor of the basement. The bag was full of all kinds of drugs. Half of them you were hearing about for the first time. You didn’t know how Ran got ahold of them, but you didn’t care. The pill you took twenty minutes ago was doing wonders and you didn’t want to think of anything else. You all could enjoy yourselves with the drugs you owned and get money from selling them. Could it get any better than that?

“Man.” Rindou stretches as he was sitting on the ground in an uncomfortable position for a while now. “I don’t know what I took, but fuck did it make me not only high, but also horny as hell.” He groans. “I could really go get my dick wet right now.” You and Ran laugh at Rin’s statement and you lean your head backwards, staring into the ceiling which was full of cracks and ugly posters that only God himself knew where Rindou got them from. You grimace as you take in the naked women in some of them. They looked worn out.

“What if someone came on one of the posters here and now it’s on our ceiling.” You ask and both of the brothers look at you confused and grossed out.

“Man your high thoughts are fucking wack.”

“So that’s where it all started?”

“Yeah.” You lick your lips. “We took a bite out of the forbidden apple and enjoyed ourselves way too much. This was the first time we got so much cash. So we thought that this was the most perfect idea ever. Selling and doing drugs, and also getting so much cash? Fucking amazing, right? That’s how it felt at that moment. But I should’ve known.. I saw how my parents turned out. I know I should’ve stopped them at that moment. But it all felt so.. right.” You sigh. “I never cared about myself. I could’ve ended up in a ditch dead. I didn’t care. But I cared about them. I cared about them so fucking deeply, y’know? They were my first actual family. And I felt happy with them. I actually felt fulfilled with joy. I smiled whenever I was with them, I laughed, I felt at home. At peace. Thought at night time, I prayed.”

“Why?” The woman whispered. Without even noticing she fell deep into your story. Never really heard anything like that before probably. She looked young. If you had to guess, she probably just finished university and this was her first serious job.

“I was scared. I don’t even remember if I actually believed in God. But I begged Lord to forgive the Haitani’s and I for our sins. We did what we had to do to survive. And I hope Lord knows that. I.. I don’t know what awaits after death. But I can tell you that I fear it. I fear the unknown.” You look at the floor of the small room. It really reminded you of the basement that everything happened in. “I stopped praying after a while. Maybe a year after we started doing what we did. I thought that no matter what, no matter how much I begged and prayed it wouldn’t help anymore. We were in too deep.”

“How many people did you think you killed at that point?”

“After the first year? Hm..” your fingers tapped on the table once again, as you were deep in thought. “I think I killed around two people. But combined with the brothers.. There were around nine victims. The drugs messed with our brains. And we.. I don’t think we fully understood what was going on. At least I didn’t. It all felt like a dream, or… or a movie.”

“How did you feel when you killed your first victim?” Her fingers were shaking slightly, showing that she was nervous.

“I.. I felt scared. But I had to do it. Otherwise that would’ve been Ran. The guy pushed his gun right in the middle of Ran’s forehead. So I grabbed the metal pipe that was laying next to me and hit as many times as I had to.”

“Uhm. I have to tell you this, (L/N). But your parents want to come to court next week. To see you and hear what sentence you’ll get. Do you want me to tell them anything? Do you have a message?”

“Tell them that they can go fuck themselves.”

Different colours of dim lights were flashing around in some jocks trashy house. There were empty bottles of disgusting and cheap beer, vodka, champagne. There were also all kinds of different substances on the ground and you tried to not step on any of it. Fuck knows what the hell even was all of that. People were making out, grinding on each other, some were even actually having sex not caring about all of the people around them. Some remix of a random song you have never even heard of was blasting throughout the whole house. You take a look around and finally spot who you were looking for. With a smirk you plop down on the couch in the middle of both brothers. Trying not cringe at the thought of what happened on this couch before all of you showed up. Rindou was smoking a joint while Ran had white powder around his nose. You let out a sigh and grab a baggie of pills from the bag laying on the ground near Ran’s feet. You take the two pills without caring what kind they were and put them in your mouth, below the tongue, waiting for them to melt. “It’s ecstasy.” Rindou whispers into your ear and you just nod, too lost in your thoughts to answer. Suddenly a boost of confidence hits you and you felt so close to the pair sitting next to you. Closer then ever before. A feeling of happiness and relaxation took over your body and you started to feel free. Smiling to yourself, you look at Ran and Rindou, and close your eyes for a while.

It felt so, so peaceful. For once in your life you felt okay.

“So that was the start of your addiction to ecstasy?”

“Yeah. And also all kinds of other drugs.” You nod and take a look at her name tag. Dr. Fudo. “It felt nice to forget about everything happening. It was almost.. euphoric I guess. The drugs made me feel free. And it messed with my memory. So it made me feel like this was the only appropriate escape from the horrors happening around me.”

“So you were high most of the time all of this was happening?”

“Yup. Also almost overdosed a couple of times though. Ran just found me at the right time and saved my life I guess.” You look to the side and stare at the ugly walls. “I beat myself up for it every day. The both of them saved me so many times without even knowing, but I couldn’t save them.”

“Were you in a romantic relationship with either Haitani Ran, or Haitani Rindou?” She puts down her pen on the table and crosses her arms on her chest, leaning backwards until her back hits the chair.

“No.”

“Were you in a romantic relationship with anyone during this timeline?”

“Yes.”

“What was his name?”

“He called himself Sanzu.”

“What happened to him?” Fudo grabbed the pen once again and put it near the paper laying on the table.

“He overdosed.”

“Dude, shut the fuck up.” You laugh and hit Haru in the chest while laughing. The world seem quiet. The only two sound you heard were the voices of you and Sanzu Haruchiyo. You had met him on accident. He was buying drugs from Rindou and you walked in on them. The three of you talked for a while, before Rindou had to leave to sell some more drugs which left just the two of you. You hit it off easily and it just felt right. If anyone had to guess they would’ve thought that you and Sanzu were best friends and not some strangers that only met like fifteen minutes ago. Sanzu called it fate. Said you were his soulmate.

“Nah, I’m saying the truth.” He giggled and kissed the top of your head. “The fucker pissed his pants and was just laying on top of the couch, talking to his crush like nothing happened.” Sanzu took a hit from the joint between his lips.

You laugh even harder. And push your back against Sanzu’s chest, trying to get into a more comfortable position. The both of you were on top of some random building, popping all kinds of pills and getting high together, making out, talking about your life stories. The Haitani brothers made you feel at home. They were your family. Sanzu on the other hand made you feel good in other ways. He never judged you for anything and always beat up the people who just looked at you weird. He fit well into your group and the brothers took him in with open arms. Sanzu was now a part of your little family.

“I love you, (Y/N). I hope you know that.” Sanzu leans down and touches your lips with his.

“How did his death make you feel?”

“I wanted to kill myself. Almost tried. But the brothers mattered to me too much, I couldn’t leave them. So I just started doing even more drugs. I tried to forget about him, but he just haunted me no matter what I did. He still haunts me in my dreams sometimes even after three years.”

“The cops found three of the bodies.” Rindou punches the wall and lets out a series of curses. Ran was pulling his hair and keeping his head low, trying to think of anything.

“Let’s just run away.” You quickly butt in. “Let’s grab our shit and leave. Mikey said he has a place for us, right? He wanted us to join him so let’s just fucking go.”

“They’re right.” Ran stands up. “Let’s pack our shit and go as soon as possible.”

But before you could even do much the door of your apartment was kicked down and yelling could be heard. You duck and hide behind the table of your kitchen.

“I don’t remember much of that day. Maybe because I was high. Or maybe it was the adrenaline and fear I felt. I just remember screams. I remember Rindou getting shot first because he tried to shoot a police officer. Then I heard Ran cry. I think it was the first time ever I saw Ran cry. It was terrifying. I..” you take a deep and shaky breath. “I’ll never forget the scream he let out. Rindou meant the world to him. I don’t know why Ran got shot. They never told me.”

“He grabbed the gun laying and the floor and also tried to shoot.”

“Oh.”

Cameras were flashing everywhere as you were being led out of court. Yells of different paparazzi could be heard even inside the building.

“(L/N) (F/N) is it true that you got a death penalty for all of the crimes you, Ran Haitani and Rindou Haitani committed?”

You just smile and keep on walking.

“What happens if one of us dies?” Y/N tilts their head to the side slightly and looks at Ran, laying right next to them. It was a chilly autumn day, the park they were at was empty - people were getting ready for the upcoming cold days, working to make sure that they and their families would stay safe and warm.

“I don’t think anyone would mourn any of us. We’re nothing to everyone else. Only a burden.” Ran smirks as if this didn’t cause a pang in his chest. If he could, he would do everything differently. He would make sure that his brother and you had different lives. He just wanted you two to be happy. To make actual good memories instead of whatever this was. He hopes that in another life all of you can be happy together.

“I would mourn you. I hope you’d mourn me too.” You let out a sigh and grab his hand with yours.

“If I’m being honest. I think if one of us dies the other two would follow.”

“Right to the grave?”

“Yeah. Right to the grave.”

#tokyo revengers #imagines #haitani ran x reader #haitani rindou x reader #haitani brothers x reader #haitani x reader #haitani brothers #mikey tokyo revengers #mikey x reader #tokyo revengers haruchiyo sanzu #sanzu x reader #sanzu x you #sanzu haruchiyo #angst

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missmentelle · 4 years

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How do I know if I'm being gaslit? What does that mean?

If you are experiencing “gaslighting”, it means that someone is intentionally trying to make you feel like you are irrational and insane. They will try to convince you that you can’t trust your own judgement, even about things that you experienced firsthand. The internet tends to use the term ‘gaslighting’ to describe any kind of lying or arguing, but it’s a lot more complicated than that - when you are being gaslit, it means someone is going out of their way to make you feel like you’re the crazy one who causes all the conflict in the relationship when in reality, it’s the other way around. A person who lies about liking your new haircut or starts an argument with you about whose turn it is to do the dishes is probably not gaslighting you - gaslighting is intentional, repeated, and specifically aimed at undermining your sanity and emotional stability. It is a pattern of abuse, and by definition, it can be very difficult to recognize and escape from.

Examples of gaslighting include things like:

Insisting that things did not happen the way you remember them, even if you have proof. Maybe you and the abuser had an argument over WhatsApp yesterday, and they called you a slur. You definitely remember that this happened, because it was devastating for you, and you took screenshots in case they deleted the message. But when you confront the other person about what they said, they flat-out deny that it ever happened - in fact, they have no idea where this is coming from, and they feel insulted that you would accuse them of such a horrible thing. They didn’t do that. They’ve never done that. In fact, there was no argument. You made the whole thing up in your head. It doesn’t matter that you have screenshots - they don’t want to see them, because they know that you are totally misunderstanding what’s in them, just like you always do. When you’re being gaslit, the gaslighter doesn’t care about reality. They will flat-out deny what happened and create a new version of events that puts them in a better light, and they’ll insist that you are the one with the faulty memory for not remembering it that way. Even with evidence right in front of their faces, they’ll stick to their guns and say that you are completely inventing things.

Constantly insisting that you overreact and blow things out of proportion. Maybe you saw a notification on your partner’s phone the other day, and you realize that they’ve been texting other people on a dating app. You are obviously very upset about the situation, and you aren’t sure if you even want to stay in the relationship. But instead of apologizing, your partner begins to get angry with you for how upset you are - they insist that you are blowing this completely out of proportion, that you’re being a huge drama queen, that you’re being manipulative and attention-seeking, and that it’s completely insane for you to be upset. Any time you are upset with the other person for genuinely hurting or harming you in some way, they flip everything around - all of a sudden, the conversation becomes focused on how unstable and dramatic you are, and the abuser’s wrongdoing is totally forgotten. The abuser paints a consistent picture of you as someone who freaks out over absolutely nothing and completely overreacts.

Playing up your existing mental illness or insisting that you are mentally ill. Your abuser sees signs of mental illness in everything you do. If you have a history of mental illness, they’ll insist that it’s coming back - if you don’t have a history of mental illness, they’ll invent a new mental illness for you out of whole cloth. Did you get upset because your partner screamed at you? That’s not normal, you’re having huge mood swings and you’re definitely bipolar. Did you stick up for yourself when your partner was trying to control you? That’s definitely not normal, you’re acting just like this person they knew who had severe BPD. Whenever you are upset about the way you’re being treated or just refusing to be controlled, your abuser will play the mental illness card - suddenly, they are the hard-worn, loving caretaker and you are the very sick person who refuses to let them help you. Sometimes, when you are getting especially angry about your partner’s mistreatment, they may flip a switch and go from yelling at you to acting like your caretaker in an instant - they’ll start pleading with you to get help, offering to drive you to the hospital, and begging you to understand that you aren’t well and that they’re just so worried about you. The point, of course, is to completely undermine you as a person; they want you to believe that you are seriously mentally ill and incapable of understanding what’s real and what isn’t.

Positioning themselves as the innocent “victim” in the relationship, even when they are the one mistreating you. To an outside observer, you are the one constantly being terrorized by someone who criticizes and controls you. But your gaslighter doesn’t want you to see it that way - according to them, they are the innocent victim who has to tiptoe around your constant unpredictable mood swings. They’ll claim that they try so hard to help you and avoid setting you off, but you’re just so unreasonable - they may even claim that you are the one abusing them. Any time you fight back, stand up for yourself or have a negative reaction to their abuse, they will find a way to frame things so that your response is the real issue, and not the abuse that provoked it. If they pinned you against a wall and you pushed them off you to get away, they will flip the narrative on you - they’ll swear up and down that they were just gently trying to keep you from hurting yourself when you violently attacked them. Somehow, every confrontation you have about your partner’s bad behaviour turns into you apologizing and feeling bad, even when you went into the conversation being pretty sure that you did nothing wrong.

Intentionally turning friends and loved ones against you. A gaslighter will sometimes try to recruit your friends and family to “their” side, turning them against you. They will tell your loved ones all about your supposed mood swings, “mental health issues” and how difficult you are being, in an effort to win sympathy and destroy your credibility. The idea is that when you turn to your friends to say “my partner freaked out on me over something small last night”, they’ll respond with “mmmm, your partner already told us this story and they gave a very different version of what happened. It sounds like you’re leaving a lot out to make yourself sound better. Your partner says you’ve been acting weird lately, what’s going on with you?” It’s much easier to warp someone’s perception of reality if you can convince their friends and family to reinforce the fake reality that you’ve created.

Dramatically misrepresenting your motives. A gaslighter will find ways to “prove” that you’re the kind of person they say you are, regardless of what you do. Even if you do something nice for them, they can find ways to twist things to suit their narrative. Did you buy them an expensive birthday present because you care about them? You’re clearly being manipulative and trying to bribe them somehow. Did you clean the whole house for them because you wanted them to be able to enjoy coming home to a clean living space? Nonsense, this was clearly you being passive-aggressive and trying to shame them for not being as clean as you. Your actions end up not mattering - no matter how hard you to try to prove that you aren’t the difficult, terrible person that your gaslighter says you are, they will always find ways to misrepresent your motives and lie about your intentions so they can turn your innocent behaviour into whatever they want it to be.

Being gaslighted is an immensely stressful experience - it’s designed to make you feel crazy, and if you’re subjected to it for a long time, that’s exactly what will happen. It’s unbelievably stressful to be in a position where you feel like you cannot trust your own mind or make rational decisions. And when that stress inevitably starts to affect your mental health, that becomes further evidence that your abuser is correct and that you’re the crazy one. It can be extraordinarily difficult for a victim of long-term gaslighting to escape from their situation, because they genuinely start to believe that they are the problem in the relationship and that they’re lucky anyone will put up with them.

If you suspect you are being gaslit, there are some things you can do to recognize the issue and break free from it:

Keep meticulous records. Write down the details of conversations and arguments as soon as they happen. Record fights with the audio recorder on your phone. Take and save screenshots of important conversations. Save voicemails. Keep a diary with dates and times of events. Nobody has perfect recall, but if your partner’s version of events consistently doesn’t match your hard evidence in a major way, that’s a pretty good sign that they are twisting the truth to suit their needs.

Talk to a neutral third party. Talk to someone outside the relationship that your partner doesn’t have access to - this could be a friend, a coworker, a neighbour, anyone that you feel you can trust. Turn to an internet group or forum if you have to. Show them the evidence you’ve collected or talk to them about what’s happening, and get a neutral perspective. People who have not been exposed to your gaslighter’s charms will be able to tell you pretty quickly that your situation is not normal.

Think about your past relationships. Have any of your past relationships followed the same patterns as your current one? Has anyone in your past made similar complaints about you? If your last relationship didn’t have these kinds of issues, there’s a good chance that the new person in your life is the problem - not you.

Trust your gut. If you get the sense that something isn’t quite right, don’t ignore those feelings. Remember, you don’t actually have to be certain that you’re being gaslighted to justify leaving the relationship - if your relationship frequently causes you stress and anxiety or makes you feel like you can’t be yourself, something is seriously wrong and it may be time to go.

It’s also a good idea to talk to a mental health professional or a domestic abuse expert if you suspect you are being gaslighted - they are experts at helping your recognize it and come up with strategies to have healthier relationships in the future.

Hope this answers your question!

#Anonymous

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marshmallowprotection · 4 years

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Kait’s Emotional Crisis and Analysis on Saeran’s After Ending

That’s right. it’s here folks! You’re here because we’ve managed to survive the waiting period that has been two-years in the making. Are we all happy that we have made it this far and survived the wait? Yes, yes, we are. You wouldn’t still be listening to me babble about how much I love Saeran Choi if you weren’t. We all know what we’re here for, so let’s get down to business.

THIS IS A VERY LONG POST. I’m not even joking this time. It’s a very long post.

Spoilers for Ray Route and Another Story!

I’ve been having to control the flappy hands when I see this photo so forgive me if my thoughts are all over the place as I talk about everything that has been on my mind. I literally had to pinch myself when I woke up to a flood of messages on the matter.

It’s him. It’s my boy. It’s my boy. It’s my boy! Mom, holy fuck! It’s my boy and he looks great. I’ve had a lot on my mind since I first saw the title screen so let’s get down to what I have to say about that. First of all, I’m in love with MC’s outfit. I’d wear that, that’s the fucking mood tonight. I’ve been frothing at the bit to be able to draw my MC wearing this outfit and I didn’t even wanna start doing something like that until they gave the official release to us.

What can I say? I’m a sucker for really frilly tops. Those pink jeans are a really nice shade of pink too. It’s not hot pink, it’s a nice bubblegum which is a good contrast to Saeran’s hair, haha! I just like seeing all the pinks around this boy and his MC, of course, has to be cloaked in those colors as well. It just makes me really happy. I love some of the other outfits that MC gets to wear in the game but oh, God, oh, Fuck. This has to be my favorite outfit that we’ve been able to wear thus far.

The little necktie? Perfect. Those sleeves? Iconic. The hand-holding? PURE AS FUCK. THE VIBES? CHECKED.

Now that I’ve covered my bases with MC, let’s go onto the Choi brothers and talk about them. I actually like that they’ve been drawing Saeran in more brown and pink outfits. It just feels very right for him.

It goes to show that his mental state is much better than it was in recent years, like, from Ray to Suit Saeran and to Unknown, we all know that they would dress in black and darker themes if they were given the chance. Ray’s outfit was given to him by Rika to wear, and Suit Saeran was the one that picked his suit out to wear. Unknown walked out of the clearance bin at Hot Topic and added those cowboy boots to enrage me. But, I digress. I’ll fight Unknown at a later date about that.

The natural and earthy tones that they’re going for here with him are very nice to see. He seems like he’s a lot comfier with himself here. He’s got a cozy little old sweater on and his posture is better than I’ve seen it in many photos. If his style is just cozy sweaters, then, well, I can vibe with that. I can see him working in the garden wearing that and I think that’s the point that they’re making with this style of his.

The loose collar is also nice. I’m used to seeing his clothes buttoned up and out of the way, making sure that he isn’t showing his body. So, seeing him play with his style and wearing something much looser against his body is a good thing as well. I think I saw someone call him a comfy grandpa in one of the posts that I’ve seen floating around. I chuckle at that mention.

Saeran doesn’t care that much about fashion, to be honest with you. He would, of course, choose something that’s minimalist and comfortable. These browns work with him very much so. I’m happy to see it! It’s in line with the style that I’ve had in mind for him after the Ending!

Can you see the way that he’s gazing at the player, though? Can we talk about the way that he’s looking at us?

The longing in that gaze... the way that it looks like he’s been getting some good sleep for once in his life because the discoloration of purple is gone! The way he has that tiny smile that only we know is a smile because he only shares that side of himself with us? His MC? God, I’m in love with you, you fucking bastard man why is your smile making me cry so much?

I could talk about his smile for hours. His expression. The longing. The way that I love you cannot be contained in words, Saeran. It’s far too strong. Just know I’m the person that can feel what’s going on his body from looking at him. He looks to be in a good place.

Anyways, onto Saeyoung.

Oh, my darling, Saeyoung. I’m used to seeing you in green palettes. It’s just a tried and true theory with your red hair and you lean heavily into being a walking Christmas palette. It’s rare to see you without your glasses, and I’m sure that a lot of people are swooning over you for that. You know you’re handsome and you will use that against those MCs that love you. I don’t have a lot to say about his outfit but I do think it’s really fitting for him.

It seems like a muted pull-over and some worn jeans, which seems in line with everything that I would style him in. He knows plenty about style himself and he knows how to make my head spin.

What is this somber look in his eyes? There’s a smile on his lips but there is this feeling to me that it doesn’t meet his eyes. Is he happy that we’re with Saeran or is he weighed by the fact that he wasn’t the one to save Saeran? Does he know what happens with Rika? Does he feel angry over that? What are we going to tell the RFA and him about this? I know that he would be happy that we saved his brother...

But the guilt in his heart is nothing to scoff off. He always blames himself for what happened to Saeran even though Rika is the one that broke his trust for good and forever. I feel like there’s something bittersweet in his eyes. Does he think that Saeran and the player are going to live happily while he’s not there?

I always intended to imagine Saeyoung living with Saeran and the player, because they can’t be separated again.

But does he feel like a weight and a third wheel? I don’t know. I’m scared to think about how he may feel like Saeran is happy now without him and he’ll try to pull away instead of adding anymore trauma onto Saeran’s life. I know that it’s not going to easy for recovery for either of them, but I want to have faith and care for the two of them.

Saeyoung, you better not self-deprecate. I’ll smooch your forehead too. I just really don’t know how I feel about that look in his eyes. It’s just matching the smile in my opinion.

I’m still screaming. I’ve been a pit of screaming for nearly three hours now and I know that I’ve still got plenty more to say today on the matter. But, I know why you’re here for real, you want me to analyze what I see in this picture and what I think will be in the AE from what we’re shown. I’ve had a few days to think it over and I’ve got my ideas.

Where are you Saeyoung? This title screen is not confirmation that Saeyoung is alive. For all we know, this photo could be more inspiration for the theme and the emotion that takes place in the After Ending.

I have to remind people that when we first played Saeyoung’s AE, it was a rouse and we were treated to a happy dream sequence that sought to talk about Saeran living with us and Saeyoung as he made a toy store. There’s a possibility that in the midst of the search for Saeyoung, we’re confronted with dreams and nightmares on Saeran’s end in regards to his brother.

It’s my biggest fear that Saeyoung isn’t alive. We don’t know if the Prime Minister took him or if an enemy took him, or if it was the agency, or a combination of all three of these options. I don’t know how I feel about it. I’ve considered that we won’t have the answer until the After Ending itself comes out but I’m interested to know what the answer is.

If it was Saejoong, well, I fear for Saeyoung’s health if we do find him alive. His emotional state... God, that was always his biggest fear. His and Saeran’s biggest fear that their mother always whispered. She was a monster to the two of them with her abuse but the unknown of what their father would do to them had to be even more frightening. Their mother always said that Saejoong would kill them if he caught them.

But, he could have honestly done a lot of horrible and twisted things. They could have become political pawns and a sob story that Saejoong could have sold if he wanted quite easily, and their mother could have been killed to silence that story. There was a lot of worse case scenarios. Saeyoung knows and has thought of all of them.

So the idea that he’s living his worst nightmare?

The fact that Saejoong could have killed Saeran without him being able to protect him?

The fact that he’d not be able to talk to V?

He sent a frenzied message to the chatroom for us to contact V for him. This only implies that he was trying to warn V to protect Saeran at the last minute, so it feels like it could only be Saejoong that took him. He panicked hard. He had to make sure that Saeran was protected even if he died. I think that was what he did with his message in the chatroom.

But, we all know how it turned out.

I felt like that sacrifice of panic on his part was.... it still hurts me to think about all of it.

My worst case scenario is a dream sequence and Saeyoung not... not being alive anymore. I don’t know what that would do to Saeran. He wants to make things right with his brother, he really does. The gaslighting and manipulation done by Rika is going to take some time for them to work past, and I know that he can make progress in therapy and as he challenge his intrusive thoughts as we stand by his side. He can see it through.

He is hopeful for his brother.

However, it’s going to be tested when he actually faces his brother in the game and that’s the real test. Therapy is one thing. Facing your fears is even harder than talking about them. Saeran is going to... be overwhelmed with everything and he may need to step away when push comes to shove.

I want Saeyoung to see us together holding hands and let him have that moment realization that even though Saeran went through a lot of harm while they were separated, he wasn’t alone through all of it. He never wanted Saeran to be alone in any way. If Saeran has to step away, then well, that would leave us with his brother in the process.

I can’t say how much I’d choke up if he thanked us for loving his brother. The guilt in his eyes as he cries and we reassure him. I think that’s one thing that I want the most with Saeyoung. I want him to know freedom from his chains and I want to help him too. There’s a lot that I want out of that and there’s so much of this potential that we can talk about in the AE.

There’s a lot with Saeyoung that I want to think about but so much of it makes me wanna cry.

I also fear for V and I’ve discussed many of my fears on that matter. I’ll repost my thoughts right here.

Now, in regards to what I sincerely don’t want is a repeat of what went down with V’s After Ending.

I’ve shared my feelings on that matter before and I understand that Cheritz was going for that moral high-road that many people take where they say that it’s better to forgive on your path to healing, and while that can be good for some people, it can leave a sour taste in the mouth of people who don’t pick to forgive the people that hurt them.

I don’t choose to forgive the people that hurt me in many cases. That doesn’t make me a bad person. The problem with the Forgive/Judgement ending is that it can make you feel ashamed for not forgiving someone who quite literally, took funds from the RFA’s first two parties (that’s the only way she could’ve gotten the money to fund Mint Eye, even coercion and manipulation of people on the level that Rika does wouldn’t give her that much ability), manipulated and gas-lit Ray and Saeran for years, deceived and drugged countless people, so on and so forth.

I hate that she’s never punished for her actions. She needs to be rightfully punished for what she did. I want her to get therapy, and I want her to learn that she was wrong for what she did to everyone. I want her to be able to get better for her own health, and I don’t think she should ever be contact with anyone in the RFA ever again. But, that’s up to the RFA if they choose to speak with her or interact with her, not mine. I don’t want her to die, I want her to learn what she did was wrong.

It’s not Mika (Rika Behind Story Spoilers) who went through the cult. Rika had every chance to stop while she was ahead but she kept doing it. I would not forgive Rika, and I would never want to be around her ever again if I were in the position of the RFA when the truth is made known.

The only action that Rika ever took that could be looked at with the filter of self-defense was when she panicked when the boy’s mother tried to get close to her and harm her in a drunken rage. She acted to protect herself in that situation, but that’s the only thing that she’s ever done that someone could look at and say, she was protecting herself. She felt threatened. She panicked, she blacked out and protected herself from harm.

Don’t get me started on V. I love V, he’s not perfect, he fucked up a lot and he shouldn’t have gone back to Rika. It feels like he saw us love, forgive, and stand by Saeran and thought that he could be able to do the same for Rika, but that is not what will help him or Rika. They don’t need to be together again. They need to be fair away. Rika and V literally burned down the boy’s childhood home and V was wearing his sunglasses, so I can only presume that Rika harmed his eyes after he went to her.

Saeran himself says that he wants to tell everyone about Rika and V, but he needs to be able to discuss it with V. Even Saeran understands that V is a victim to some degree and he wants to help him.

That was a big fucking comment on his part and I was proud of him for that.

But, V left for Rika and we don’t know if we’ll ever see him again. So, I really don’t know how that’s going to be handled in the slightest, Anon.

I don’t want Rika and V together, like, ever again.

I want Rika to be punished for her actions and caught. I want V to get away from her and start to learn to love himself again and grow. I believe in him but he’s in need of someone to cheer him on when that abusive relationship ends. I really don’t want a repeat of V’s After Ending.

Don’t make me forgive Rika.

Don’t make Saeran forgive her, either.

That’s my worst case scenario fear. I want Saeran to be able to grow and get healthier, for sure, but his final confrontation with Rika should be the last time that he ever thinks about her. He made his mind up and he made it clear that she was wrong and he would never be tricked by her again.

I want him to stand his ground on that. I’ll stand by him no matter what he chooses to do, though. So, I want this to be about Saeran and Saeyoung coming together again, and helping V get out of that relationship with Rika, as well as Rika facing punishment for her actions.

But, that might be asking a bit too much, haha.

Ideally, I want Saeran and the player to be able to reach out to V and help him get away from Rika as she’s taken down as well. We don’t know if she left Mint Eye for sure, we don’t know if she and V ran away. Who is running the Cult? Is the cult put to a stop or did Rika put somebody else in charge? It’s hard to say on that front and I’m still not sure how that’s going to end up.

V can open up and work out everything that’s going to fall out here as it did in the events of V Route with Rika. He’ll need to work out everything with Jumin and the others, but I have hope for him to be able to face what went wrong and not only get the help he needs, but get the support of his support circle behind his back as everyone rallies behind him.

I would love he and Saeran to be able to work out everything, Saeyoung as well, because even Saeran is willing to work with Jihyun. Rika to get some therapy, get punished for her actions and that to be dealt with is great. It never happens so. That would be a nice change.

Saeran knows that V is a victim in all of this too. So, it remains to be seen how this is going to be handled. I can only pray that Jihyun is able to be rescued as we rescue Saeyoung (hopefully, fingers crossed.) I’m still so proud of Saeran for doing that.

God.

I’ve talked about Choice and Saeran before in regards to the Secret Ending and his Good ending and... well, I’ll direct you to that post. To read about how important it was for Saeran to be able to choose what he wanted to do with his life instead of having options forced on him.

Can we discuss this photo as well from the Special Believer Box that I’m nearly about to buy at this point with whatever comes out with AE cause I need it?? I’m gonna go fucking broke. For you. Saeran. For you. I was saving my money for Christmas and now I’ve got a reason to live.

I still don’t know if this is the implication of what will happen in the AE or if it’s something that will just exist as a standalone image. I still don’t know why Saeran would be dresses as his brother for some reason, unless there’s a twin switch-a-roo plot somewhere in all of this? I mean, bold choice, but I don’t know. I just think I needed to say again how cute that I think Saeran is in Saeyoung’s outfit. He’s so tiny and slender in comparison to his brother.

I’m gonna fucking smooch his forehead. I don’t know, I want the CG title screen and this photo here to imply that the Choi boys will be alive and happy together once all is said and done. I can’t say that I know where we’re heading but there is bound to be an adventure to hunt down Saeyoung, but I’m not sure where it will take us.

A wild-goose chase alongside whatever mystery is left. I can’t wait.

My ideal ending is one where we get to live in a little house by the sea with a garden with Saeran and Saeyoung where we can visit and chat with the RFA whenever we want. But, we’ll have to see what happens. If you want to read more about some of the things that I think he wants to do with his MC now that he’s free check out this post.

Anyways.

Kait’s gotta go cry now.

146 notes · View notes

fakeloveaskblog · 3 years

Note

Hi Logan, how do I even start? Save this number, if you want to. I have been supporting Remy through texts for a bit. They have revealed to me some very troubling things in the past. Things like, their boyfriend kicking their cane from under them as a ‘joke’? Those kinds of things.

Virgil, that's his name by the way, also kind of yells at them a lot at times, and tells them they're worthless except for the use he can give to their body and that nobody else will ever love them. They believe they are horrible. They believe they deserve it. They appear to think their disability makes them only a burden to him and nothing else and while I have tried to convince them to the contrary I honestly don't believe I can when they're still trapped by choice in such a toxic environment.

I have tried to help and give them the tools to better their self-esteem and combat that, and send them nice text messages in general, but that hasn't helped in anything more than a superficial level. If you can do something, anything, or could take their case to someone who can something, I'd really appreciate that.

(Words: 2088)

(Talk of U!Virgil)

Logan: "That is...That is" He took a moment to gather himself "That is even worse than I had estimated"

"This must have been happening the other times we met them too right? And we didn't notice anything. We should have- we-" Patty mumbled out. Her voice was shaky.

She had just gotten home half an hour ago or so, she wasn't even fully out of her cosplay makeup. Logan had immediately pulled her into a hug which wasn't uncommon but he'd held onto her so hard it hurt and he’d been close to collapsing into the hug.

All it took was her asking if he was alright for him to tell her everything. He couldn't keep a secret from her even if he tried.

Now they sat in the couch. Logan had his head leaned on her chest and she had moved her arms around his waist. All they'd eaten was some of the leftover pie from Lo's date a few days ago because both of them were far too worked up to even think about cooking.

Patty pinched the bridge of her nose and tried to think "Okay well if they're being emotionally abused as what we know suggest then...I..is there even anyone we can contact that could help. I mean there's no- there's no evidence right? Or well- it's just- it's their word against Virgil's and if they won't even say Virgil is abusing them then there's nothing!"

"We can kidnap them" Logan pointed out.

"That we can"

Logan sighed “Do you think talking to them would even make a difference? They seem to already hate me so now it’s even less likely that they’ll listen”

“Well honey you can always try. They go to the same therapist as Janus right? So you can just casually ‘run into them’ right?” She gave him a loving kiss “I know my lil smarty-sweetheart can help them”

He sent her a tired smile “I’ll try”

Remy wasn’t as upset from the therapy session as they usually were. It had mostly been discussing how they felt about maybe being poly. They still thought they deserved a smoke break afterwards though so now they sat on bench right outside the entrance, they were on their third cigarette.

They had their head leaned against the back of the bench and was looking up at the greying sky and falling leaves so they didn’t notice when Logan sat down. He kept his distance to not startle them but cleared his throat to get their attention.

“Are you also waiting for someone?” He asked.

They glanced over to him “Girl go fuck yourself with a rake”

“Noted. I will put it in my calender. I for one am here to pick up Janus after his therapy is over for the day. Mayhaps I will show him some more star trek”

“Okay great gal. Then I’m just like waiting for Remus I guess” They pressed the cigarette into their leather jacket to put it out so they could leave as soon as they saw their cru- friend.

Logan inched closer “Is your bruise healing well?”

“Just ‘cause we’re in the same place doesn’t mean we have to talk to each other!” They snapped back.

“Exscuse me, I was simply worried about your physical health”

They rolled their eyes and crossed their arms before mumbling out “It’s fine. It’s whatever. I haven’t done it again so like forget it”

“I am relieved to hear that”

Silence fell over them. Remy refused to look at him. Logan tried to figure out what was the best way to ask them about Virgil.

“....Your boyfriend did not insult you once you came home right?” He asked them in such a soft tone as if any slight wrong saying would make them implode on themself.

“Girl there you go again with your stupid fucking bullshit. I don’t wanna like talk about it!....Not ‘cause anything happened but ‘cause I hate you! You don’t- we don’t- we’re not friends! Why are you just like forcing yourself in on my private life! It’s like- it’s like fucking stalking!”

Logan reached out his hand to comfort them but quickly stopped himself “I am sorry. I don’t know how to best formulate this but I sincerely don’t mean to upset you like, neither do I know how to not upset you. All I know is that I want you to be okay and that if my partner treated me like yours seem to do I wouldn’t be able to stay”

Remy’s hair fell in front of their face as they leant their head in their plams “You don’t get it” They muttered.

“I am sure I don-”

“IT’S NOT THAT FUCKING EASY! It’s not like I have any savings an-and I’m not able to keep a job and without Virgil I have no way to buy medicine and- Like do you just want me to walk out and become homeless and like starve to death? Is that it? Like even if I wanted to leave, which I don’t, It’s not like I have a choice!”

A quiet sniffle came from them. Logan gave them a moment to gather their breathe.

“I...I didn’t mean to make it sound like leaving was easy” Logan murmured “I understand that you have probably been forced to think like you have no choice but to stay. I am aware of how crippling manipulation like that can be”

He leaned closer and even though they didn’t look at him he still sent them his most caring look as he continued.

“But I promise you that there are other options. You aren’t stuck. I am willing to let you stay at my apartment for however long you need and if you aren’t comfortable with that I am sure Janus or Remus would let you stay as well. I can even pay for a motel if that would be better. Depending on what part of your disability is making you unable to work I am sure that could be fixed. For example a wheelchair could help! My point is that you do have a choice, even if it’s very understandably hard to think that”

Remy’s shoulders were shaking. Logan gently placed his hand on top of their bony shoulder. Every vein was visible through their light skin.

At just the hint of his touch they flinched away. They stumbled up from the bench and took a few steps away. They looked at him with reddened eyes.

“No. No. Girl you- you just don’t get it! That’s all!” They spat out, their voice was shaky as well “You haven’t like lived with me. Once you or Remus o-or anyone spends enough time with me you’ll realize what an annoying overemotional burden I am! An-and then I’ll get thrown out! Okay!? So-so it’s not really- I don’t actually have a choice ‘cause I’ll just get thrown out. Virgil is the only who will ever bother to deal with me for this long! ‘cause he loves me! And no one else will love me like he does. S-so just shut up!”

Logan stood up as well and took an unsure step towards them. They looked so weak, as if a single push from the wind would make them crumble.

“It’s okay. I hear what you are saying” Logan assured.

“An-and it’s like- Virgil needs me! And I need him! That’s like how it works! I can’t just leave him! What if- who will calm him down from his panic attacks?! And if I leave what if he gets s-so upset and like anxious he hurts himself! He’s said there was a chance he would!! I can’t risk it! I have to stay! He needs me! I-I need- I can’t- I can’t leave”

Logan nodded along “It’s okay. I understand. I understand”

“You don’t! You’re a idiotic bitch! I hope all your stupid fucking ties get destroyed in the washer!” Remy was close to yelling.

“Harsh but I see your point. To be honest everything you have said has made me even more worried. From my experience a relationship shouldn’t make you feel this way! It shouldn’t make you come up with reasons to stay! It shouldn’t hurt you!” Logan reached out to comfort them once more. “I promise it shouldn’t hurt”

“It’s not hurting me! YOU are hurting me!”

Logan was taken aback. He didn’t know what to say. His arms moved to hang helplessly along his sides. Remy opened their mouth to say something more but then

“Hey uh what’s going on? Are you roleplaying a death match?” Remus stood in the entrance to the building. He glanced between the two of them.

“This idiot is trying to destroy my relationship!” Remy exclaimed.

“While it is not my place to explain the full situation without their permission I can assure you that I am merely worrying for their mental and physical health and I am unsure if their relationship is good for them from what I’ve heard” Logan explained.

Remus barely even hesitated before moving in front of Remy. He moved his arms out and let them lean against him to catch their breathe, like he was a human shield protecting them from Logan.

Logan hadn’t seen Remus angry before and he didn’t look fully enraged, but there was a hint of anger in eyes as he sneered at him.

“Well I’m sorry Loganson but not every relationship is totally perfect and works without any arguments like you and your wife relationship apparently does!” He spat out.

“I can assure you that me and my wife’s relationship hasn’t been argument free but that doesn’t mean I have ever even thought about insulting her like Remy’s boyfriend seemingly ha-”

“You’re not Remy!” Remus snapped “You’re a guy who dresses like a 40 year old math teacher who is losing the children in the divorce! Leave them alone!”

Remy was bordering on cowering behind Remus. Their whole body seemed to shake as a few tears spilled down their cheeks. They met Logan’s eyes.

“If the bullshit you’re saying is true, which it like isn’t but if it was that- that means I’ve spent my whole life being abused” They forced out through tears “How can you Ever you expect me to live with that?”

Logan didn’t have an answer to that. He watched on as Remus placed his hands on Remy’s shoulders and gently guided them to turn away. He bonked their foreheads together and wiped their tears away.

“C’mon beanie-boo I can take you to the amusement park to cheer you up! Or we can find some lsd and get high so you can hallucinate beating the shit out of the stinky Log guy!” Remus exclaimed as they walked away.

A headache began to form in Logan’s head as he slumped back down on the bench. He stared out at the nearly empty parking lot. He didn’t understand what he did wrong.

He wished he could talk to Virgil. He wished he could see him eye to eye and chew him out for ever making Remy feel like a burden, for ever making them feel trapped. A part of him wanted to punch him.

He was so zoned out into the overthinking he didn’t realize how much time was passing until Janus got out from his therapy session. As soon as Jan saw his boyfriend he let up into a shining smile and hurried over to him.

“Hi dear! Aww did you miss me so much you had to come pick me up! How charming!” Janus hesitated before kissing Logan on the lips. It still made him all giggly.

Normally seeing him so giddy would have made Logan overabundant with happiness....but now all he could think about was if he should tell Janus about Remy’s situation or not. They were friends right? Could it help? Would they listen to their friend?

Logan’s head hurt so bad. None of it made sense. There was no logical answer. How Janus reacted could make everything worse. He didn’t want to ruin everything more than he already had.

“Darling? Are you feeling alright? Has something happened?” Janus asked while taking his hand.

“I....I....” Logan looked over to you.

Logan: “I am so sorry to do this but do you have any idea what to do? The human emotion and it’s reactions are so illogical I don’t- I don’t understand- I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry- Should I tell Janus about the suspected abuse or should I lie?”

#mini fic #or like a really long answer #logan sanders #remy sanders #sanders sides

11 notes · View notes

crossovereddie · 4 years

Text

Thoughts on Gallavich Hall of Shame

Wow okay this is the latest I’ve ever posted a weekly recap and I feel awful about it but mom life amirite? I’ve seen a lot of negative posts about this episode( maybe I just follow the wrong people) so ngl I’m kinda worried about watching it. Ugh. This is why I try to not look up things until I’ve had a chance to recap because I hate being influenced by other people’s opinions BUT I’m gonna try my best to find the positive things in the episode and keep this light hearted and fun like I’ve been trying to do all season! Okay I’ll shut up now and get right into why you’re really reading this post:

Oh baby Gallavich :(((((

THEY WERE SO LITTLE

Bitch don’t even say the word divorce

They’re sitting side by side playing a game together 😭😭😭😭

Mickey loves blowing ian pass it on

Oh fuck I forgot that belt move ian did 🤤🤤🤤

Nob job lmao

MID GOBBLE

ugh Ned was the most disgusting piece of shit

Who are those two exes wtf

I don’t know their names but I forgot I never watched any episode Mickey wasn’t in lmao

WAIT A WOMAN WHAT THE FUCK

Wow Mickey Milkovich really deserves so much better

Compilation of Mickey saying fuck THANK YOU

Omfg s4 Mickey was actually perfect

“Course you will. That’s your whole fucking MO” oh shit..

Wow remembering the past is really making me hate ian again lmao

Just when I started loving him for once

But then I remember how much he’s grown and I love him again

Fuck the writers tho

Let me write Gallavich please I’d do a much better job

Okay y’all really made it seem like Mickey was super offensive with his bipolar comment

I’m bipolar and hate when people use the term lightly but cmon guys that was nothing

He even called it a bipolar episode. He didn’t say anything offensive at all omfg. I was over here thinking he called him a psycho or something.

Some of y’all just gotta stop watching and stick to fanfics or something.

“I wish I never met you.” “Me either” THEN THEIR FUCKING WEDDING FUCK YALL NOW IM IN MY FEELS 😭😭

They’ve been through so much wow

Okay I need to see Mickey wearing a fanny pack

THE RING AND THE FLASHBACK STOP

GIVE MICKEY AND IAN A BABY

Fuck I need to rewatch the wedding

“Stupid gallagher” same

Mickey giving the Fanny pack back my boy is such a Good Samaritan wow I raised you so well I’m so proud my perfect son

SHIT I JUST REALIZED WHAT SONG IS PLAYING FUCK THIS YALL IM OUT 😭😭😭😭😭

Oh gosh I thought we were done seeing ian Gallagher’s dance moves

Why would they put us through that again

“Stupid Milkovich” you watch your mouth

But we love when a man learns from his mistakes

Now kiss

Mickey is beautiful damn ian is so lucky

Now this is the type of flashback I like to see

MICKEY SAYING HES SENSITIVE DO YALL REALIZE HOW BIG THAT IS?!

Ugh I love him so much

I’m so proud to be his mom

Okay unpopular opinion but I actually love that little how’d your bipolar tirade go how’d your stealing shit go

If you’ve been with someone through their rock bottoms you’ll understand how not offensive at all that interaction was

They both said things they felt bad about saying and now they’re having a bit of banter about it

“We work well together”

GUYES THEYRE ACTUALLY TALKING THINGS OUT THIS IS HUGE

They needed space after feelings got hurt but now they’re coming together to make up and actually talk things over

They’re learning and growing apart AND together

They both had the horrible childhoods and they’re doing their best

It takes years and years of therapy to work through deep rooted issues like that. I’m STILL seeing a therapist twice a week and I still have issues.

Just imagine. They’re how old? Mid to late twenties and neither of them have properly dealt with their issues and mental health problems. You can’t expect them to be the perfect couple you read about in fanfics. Yeah shameless is over the top but it’s a tv show that has stayed on the air for 11 seasons BECAUSE of how over the top it is. Stop expecting these characters to be healed healthy woke changed characters from one season to the next when they haven’t even properly dealt with their issues and it would honestly be very ooc if they did deal with their issues in a healthy way

I wish they would but that’s not the shameless way.

Well that was a long rant but honestly it was needed

Ugh I hate reliving terry this is the worst my heart is breaking

I skipped fast

Terry is definitely worse but yeah they’re both pieces of shit

Shit I forgot how abusive frank was

They both deserve so much better

They’re so cute oh gosh

We love communication

Okay but fr taking a bath with your SO isn’t as romantic as people think or maybe I’m just not a romantic lmao

Unless it’s a big bathtub with leg room

Mickey has the best lines

He’s so funny 😭😭😭

Mickey loves being manhandled✨✨✨✨

Honestly? I really think they would be really into some safe consensual bdsm play and they deserve to have that

PICK HIM UP IAN PLEASE ITS WHAT HE WANTS

fucking love you

I love you too

MUTUAL I LOVE YOUS ARE MY FAVORITE THING

IAN LOVES TO DO THE THUMB THING I CANT

HE DID IT EIGHT TIMES IN THREE SECONDS I COUNTED

they’re so perfect for each other :(((

A kissing compilation 😭😭

THE S7 VAN KISS HAS MY HEART

I still want a scene of Mickey making fun of Ian’s black hair

THE WEDDING 😭😭😭

I’m in tears again

THE KEY CHANGE WITH IAN SAYS MICKEY STILL GETS ME 😭😭😭😭

“Now?” HOW DOES ONE WORD GET SUCH A BIG REACTION FROM ME

I deserved to be at that wedding 😭😭😭

“But not these newlyweds” damn right

THE BLOOPERS

I love them so much

I LOVE SEEING NOEL AND CAM AT WORK

What a treat

SWEET LOVING MOUTH

THE THUMB THING AGAIN

JUST FOR ME

I MISS SEASONN FOUR MICKEY I WANNA GO WATCH HIM NOW

I love Mickey more than anything 😭😭

Okay that was so much better than I was expecting! I know I ranted a lot and I’m probably gonna get some angry comments and messages but I honestly don’t care. Have your opinion and I’ll have my own and if you wanna discuss things like adults I’ll reply but if not then I don’t have time for the negativity. My boys actually communicated and didn’t self sabotage for once and I’m so proud. I love not being as invested as I used to be because now I can actually enjoy their scenes! Anyway it’s late where I’m at and I haven’t been getting much sleep so I’m gonna stop rambling. Let me know what you thought of this episode! Oh and real quick! I noticed I got a flood of new followers in the past two weeks so i just wanted to say feel free to send me messages on and off anon! I like talking to y’all! I promise I’m nice lol! Okay bye I love Mickey so much!

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marzaid · 4 years

Note

List of things about Bakugo and his mother I guess (and some about Todoroki his father, Izuocha.) But what do you think about the list?

1. The thing I hate is how everyone is focused on Bakugou's mental health but barley focused on Deku's..... for example if All might died then people would still pay attention to Bakugou's mental health even though it affect Deku's mental health wayyyyy worse.

2. There were plenty of times when Midoriya has been through way more stuff then Bakugou and people still likes to focus him instead.

3. Bakugou needs to say sorry

4. Bakugou's mother is NOT abusive Bakustans they are trying to excuse his behavior, Bakugou's mother personality is not as bad as people think it is .

5. Bakugou had a weak excuse to bully Deku.

6. Endeavors arc is better because he even so he still had some consequences to his actions but it doesn't mean that I like him, his arc should've been even more better if he strengthened the relationship with Todoroki and spend time with children that he neglected such as Natsu and Fuyumi and say sorry to his Children in general especially Todoroki's mom

7. Some Bakustans need to calm down

8. There are some good Bakustans and there are some bad: usually it's to the point when they have to say sorry for other Toxic Bakustans behavior but toxic Bakustans go Waaaaaaay out in there way to criticize people or Deku saying that " well if Deku would not follow him all the time he wouldn't be Bullied" WHICH is wrong the only reason why he got bullied is because he was quirkless. I want some Justice for Deku

9. Bakugou is lucky that Deku never holded any grudges towards him.

10. Bakugous quirk is NOT that interesting

11. Todoroki should've won the sports festival he had way more experience Todoroki started to train when he was a child.

12. Bakugous mom acts like Tsundere instead of abusive mom she treats him more like a annoying brother

13. I honestly feel like Izuocha is going to be a forced canon ship Aoyama would be better as a love interest (I am sorry this ship if you don't like and support it at all)

I have but I don't think you want any more.

Ok here we go!

You are so right! There is a huge focus on Bakugou’s mental health and how everything has affected him but people tend to ignore that Izuku has gone through many of the same things (minus being kidnapped). I don’t understand why people ignore Izuku’s mental health when not only is the main character but he’s also had a worse round of it? Especially since Bakugou is part of the reason that Izuku’s mental health is so bad.

Yea you’re so right. So many people talk about how being kidnapped is this horrible thing (and it is) however that’s really the only thing really (besides the sludge villain) that is bad that happened to Bakugou. There are so many things that happened to Izuku that are so much worse.

SAY IT AGAIN FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!! BAKUGOU NEEDS TO SAY SORRY! But more than that he needs to actually mean his apology and show that he’s actually changed (which thus far if he’s changed it’s very minimal at best).

We really only see that one scene where Bakugou’s mom smacks him upside the head so it’s hard to judge from there. Personally I do agree that she is most likely not abusive because the way that scene was played it was supposed to be a gag. On a side note, interesting that many bakustans tout that as the reason why his mom is so abusive yet when Bakugou does things 10 times worse to Izuku they completely ignore it or say that it’s just a gag 🙄

There is no reason for Bakugou to have ever bullied Izuku. There is no reason for bullying. I don’t care if he thought that Izuku was looking down on him, that is not how you treat other people. I don’t care what anyone says. There. Is. Never. A. Reason. For. Bullying.

I do like the part of Endeavor’s arc currently with Dabi/Touya revealing the truth to the world and I do really hope that there are some really good consequences for Endeavor as a result of this. I just wish that it could’ve been framed differently. We get Endeavor’s point of view where he’s like “oh I’m sad my family is torn apart :(” and I feel like Natsu’s reactions are framed as bad (at least that’s what I got from the context) when I feel like they are legit and should be respected. I think that like Bakugou until Endeavor truly has real consequences (possibly losing his spot amongst other things) and he shows he truly changes I won’t be truly content with the arc but again that’s just me.

Oh god yes! Some bakustans really do need to take a chill pill

Definitely!! There are some good fans across the board regardless of the characters they do or don’t like and on the flip side there are some bad fans cross the board too. Unfortunately, we see a lot of the toxic bakustans because they are the vocal minority that we see. The toxic stans definitely need to stop blaming Izuku for trying to be kind and friendly to Bakugou. It definitely shows their mindset that they view someone being a good person as bad.... JUSTICE FOR IZUKU 2KFOREVER

For sure! Bakugou is lucky that Izuku for the most part doesn’t hold a grudge and views him as one of his closest friends.

Honestly? You’re right. I don’t really think Bakugou’s quirk is all that cool. Like congrats you can make explosions? But we have Tokoyami that has a living shadow inside him? Or Uraraka and her antigravity quirk? Or Momo and her ability TO FUCKING CREATE SHIT OUT OF HER BODY?!?!?!

I completely agree! Shouto should’ve won. Not only would it have been much more satisfying, but it would also’ve been really good for Bakugou’s character development.

Bakugou’s mom does act a bit tsundere. I’ve seen it with many parents. Discipline is difficult especially in that situation so really it’s just telling him to stop being a prick. Honestly considering how awful Bakugou is to everyone including his parents, it’s a surprise that his parents are actually pretty decent. Bakugou reminds me of that teenage boy that doesn’t get what he wants and threatens his parents even if they’re just being strict and telling him to be respectful or something.

Ugh!! I think so too unfortunately. Izuocha is a great platonic ship but it really does feel shoehorned in. It’s like “Oh she’s the first girl he’s ever talked to so obviously they’re in love.” Like there are so many other characters that could work much better. If I’m being honest I do like tododeku the most because that was the first ship that I saw going into the fandom and the ship that actually got me interested in BNHA. But I can totally see Aoyama and Izuku. That would actually be really cute! Especially with how Aoyama checks on Izuku and tries to give him cheese and talk to him about his quirk. (please don’t apologize for liking ships) (also I may have to check out Aoyama and Izuku whatever their ship name is because the multishipper in me might be coming out lol thanks)

I am always down for more stuff!! Please feel free to talk to me on or off anon about whatever you want 😁

#bnha #anti bakugou #Anonymous

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paceypeternathanslawyer · 3 years

Text

Dawson being an insufferable, evil prick in Dawson’s Creek 3x03 (None Of The Above)

1. We open with a scene of Dawson and Eve in his bedroom

Dawson: First things first. Movie night we're supposed to watch movies.

Eve: I prefer TV.

We have painfully been forced to watch Dawson watch movies and not just any movies... the movies HE wants to watch for the past two seasons. One movie night when someone else chooses what to watch and Dawson can’t imagine that they would do something that he “King Dawson” wouldn’t want to do. He then proceeds to be an insufferable snob and turn up his nose at her choice of TV show and TV shows in general. What else is new?

2. One of the reasons he hates Felicity is because she’s “chatty?” Fuck you Dawson! That toxic viewpoint that a boy who’s chatty, i.e. Dawson, is gregarious and charming, but a girl who’s chatty is a handful who should shunned by any self respecting man.

3. Dawson: You know, which is, in general, my complaint about television. It's not reality, it's perfection. I mean, nobody ever blows it or gets tested in any real way or ever makes the wrong choice or bad choice or...

I see why Dawson doesn’t like TV now.... he’s never seen a TV show. Seriously though, I have never seen a show where the characters are “perfect” and “never make bad or wrong choices” that show literally does not exist.

4. Dawson brings the PSAT test answers to the whole group and proceeds to dangle it in front of them, even going so far as to encourage them to take advantage of it. He tempts Joey by mentioning how doing well in the PSATs would help her get a scholarship and then later in that episode he gets all mad at Eve for quote un quote tempting him when he himself was doing the same thing to his “friends.” What a fucking hypocrite. But what else is new?

(Little side note. When they have to leave the classroom and leave the PSAT test results on the table.. they come back and we see Dawson looking under the table. That makes me laugh every time. As if the test results just walked off the desk by itself. It either walked off the desk or someone took it. Either way, your not gonna find it under the desk 😂😂 )

5. Eve: It didn't disappear, Dawson. Somebody took it.

Dawson: How do you know that?

Again... Dawson... you carefully left it lying there in the middle of a table. Of course it was taken, there’s no other option.

6. Dawson: Whoever stole the test give it back.

Jen: Well, wasn't it already stolen, Dawson?

Jen makes an amazing point. Dawson expects everyone to follow his idea of morality and follow his every command when he himself touted around a stolen test and tempted everyone with it, insinuating that it should be used. But now when it’s taken from him, suddenly his strong moral code can not allow them to have it.

7. Dawson: She didn't tell me to do anything with that test.

Joey: I bet when she offered you that test, you didn't fire one ethical comment her way, did you? It's just your friends who have to sit here and-- and suffer through the Dawson Leery morality play.

Another good point. Any chance Dawson can have to make himself feel morally superior to his “friends.” You know what? He probably brought that test to them in the hopes that someone would steal just so he could psychologically abuse them and make them feel like trash.

8. Dawson: Here's the deal: I'm gonna leave my locker unlocked. Whoever has the test will put it inside by 5:30 today.

Pacey: Oh, come on, Dawson. The petty thief among us already left the crime scene. They're not gonna return that thing now. What's the incentive?

Dawson: To do the right thing.

To do the right thing?!?! So the right thing is to give a test to Dawson and Dawson alone with no idea what he’s gonna do with it? He could use it for his own self alone. How is that morally right? Because Dawson said so? And Dawson is surely the arbiter and decider of everything that is or is not morally right. Technically the right thing to do is for the thief to keep it and then burn it... right Dawson?

9. Eve makes one comment about how one of his friends probably stole it and Dawson immediately thinks of Pacey. Truly showing what a horrible friend he is and how little he really knows about Pacey. Pacey is not the kind of person who would cheat on a test. He has not written one word on tests, he has even blatantly fallen asleep in class during tests. He just truly does not care enough to cheat and anyone who knows Pacey even the slightest, would know that.

10. Friends, huh? Friends, you know, that word "friends"... it's an interesting word. It implies that you would actually believe your friend when he's telling you something.

Dawson: When he tells me the truth.

I hate that line by Dawson because in it he has shown his hands and put Pacey in a position where, no matter what Pacey says, Dawson’s not gonna believe him. Pacey said himself that he didn’t take it and Dawson says he’ll believe him when he tells the truth. Dawson has made up his mind and nothing Pacey says to defend himself is gonna change that.

Pacey: When he's tell-- ha ha! You want to know what I find so very amusing about this situation? I mean, what i think is so really, really rich about all this is that you yourself were capable of stealing this test. All right, you thought about it. You didn't throw that test away. You didn't give it back to Eve. You brought the test to us!

Dawson: No. I wanted to consult the people I trusted to determine what the best thing was to do. I never thought that anyone would be so weak or so self motivated to actually swipe it. (Trust? Hmmm his idea of trust and mine are two totally different things... but okay then, spew your bullshit if you want Dawson. Also weak and self motivated? Fuck you Dawson! You know nothing about Pacey)

Pacey: Weak and self-motivated, huh? Now, which one of those 2 colorful adjectives would I be?

Dawson: You are who you are, Pacey.

Pacey: Yes, I am, Dawson. And so are you. You, Dawson Leery, are a self-righteous son of a bitch who cares more about his rose-colored defunct 1950s belief system than the people who fail to live up to it, huh? (👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 You tell him King Pacey)

Dawson: Interesting choice of words, coming from a smug, cold-hearted son of a bitch who just dumped his girlfriend after she begged him-- pleaded for an ounce sympathy! (SMUG?! COLD HEARTED?! Andie cheated on him!! Fuck you Dawson. Isn’t a friend supposed to support his friend? This makes me think the part in S6 where Dawson says that even before the whole Pacey/Joey/Dawson drama that he realized that Pacey hadn’t wanted to be his friend for a long time. Funny because I seem to recall Dawson being a horrible and vile “friend” to Pacey for seasons and seasons before Joey and Pacey began a relationship)

Pacey: At least I didn't send her father to prison. (Number 1, I don’t think this was out of line. I’d like Dawson to explain to me how this factually inaccurate)

Dawson: No. You just made her go crazy. (This is way out of line on so many levels and Dawson wasn’t even drunk. Even if what Pacey said was out of line... number 1, Dawson started it by calling him a smug and cold hearted son of a bitch for being betrayed by his GF. Number 2, what Pacey said was correct. Number 3, Pacey was drunk. Dawson has 0 excuse. What he said here was evil to Pacey and belittling to Andie and her mental health struggles that have nothing to do with Pacey)

11. Dawson: The only thing I can come up with is you, Eve. You happened to me. You and that stupid test. Look, Eve, I accept my blame in this, but don't even try to tell me that you didn't know what giving me that test would do.

No, Dawson, you do not accept your blame. You never accept your blame in anything. It is not Eve’s fault at all. Yeah, she gave you the test but she did not make you do or say anything you said over the course of this episode. That’s on you.

#i've been meaning to make a post about dawson in this ep for a while #he is so horrible that it just brings this angry monster out of me #thank you for letting me get on my soap box once again #dawson's creek #dawson's creek rant #anti dawson leery #dawson leery #pacey witter #joey potter #jen lindley

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sapphicmsmarvel · 4 years

Text

JJ: Dear Sister

TW: drug abuse, mentions of depression and anxiety and mentions of sexual assault. Under the cut.

im really proud of this one, I actually created a story! like with a plot and motive, I really like it!

Being in the BAU and being away from your family was both a blessing and a curse, you were away from your mom and dad, your hometown and hometown friends. But the plus was, you were away from your sister.

Your half-sister was a full on piece of shit, now she wasn’t a piece of shit because she’s an addict (which is what most people assume when you say you don’t like your sister because then they find out she’s an addict and are like “well she needs your support”). Being an addict does not make her a shitty person because you know it’s a mental illness and these people need help.

Your sister is just a piece of shit, because her personality sucks. Not because of the drugs.

(a little author's note because I have Anxiety, addicts deserve all the help they can get and should never be put down for their mental illness. This sister just sucks, she is not a bad human being because of her being addicted to drugs. Okay continue)

You sister, Molly, used your father for his money to the point where even you had to intervene. She abandoned her kids to run off with some guy then had your dad come get her out of trouble, she has been arrested multiple times. She never takes responsibility for her actions and blames everyone else.

Part of recovery is taking responsibility and righting your wrongs. She on the other hand makes the wrongs worse by acting like a child when she is 30 years old.

So to escape her nagging and just the horrible mental space you get in whenever she’s around, you moved out to D.C. You went to the FBI academy, went back home to celebrate (which she didn’t come to when she was invited) and then you went back to work at Quantico.

All your anxieties about her left pretty soon after starting at your job. You knew she wouldn’t call you for help anymore considering you worked for the FBI, also met some amazing people.

Including your wonderful, beautiful girlfriend, JJ.

JJ had just gotten divorced when she met you, she was apprehensive at the thought of dating someone so soon, especially a girl, she’s always been bi but never dated a girl. But she woman’d up and asked you out.

Years flew by of you two dating, the kids loved you so much, JJ was shocked at how good you were with kids when to her knowledge, you were an only child. But, you felt guilt curdle in your gut for not telling her. So one night when the boys were finally in bed, you told her everything. From being the youngest, to dealing with your sister's addiction, your assault, your depression and anxiety, you told her the complete story. Every. Single. Chapter.

She had barely seen you cry, but she saw you bawl at this. She held you and calmed you down, you explained your fear of being judged for Molly’s actions because people might think you are the same to her just because you are half-sisters. You apologized for keeping it from her for years into your relationship.

“Yes, I wish you would have told me but not because I ‘deserve’ to know everything about your past. Because you were suffering in silence, part of being girlfriends is talking about things and getting support from each other. I love you, Y/N. That’ll never change.” She explained. “Also I want to meet your family, I want to meet the strong daughters of hers and be a part of their lives just like you are a part of Henry and Michaels.”

The next week you two scheduled a visit out there with the kids, you flew back to your home state, legs bouncing anxiously the entire time, she held your hand the whole way.

The visit went really well, your nieces were obviously protective of you because you were their mother figure while Molly was in rehab and countless relapses. You took care of them and they were very protective over their aunt.

But, they loved JJ and the boys, as did your entire family.

When you two went back to work, Morgan speculated that you eloped because of how glowy and light you two seemed. JJ explained that the two of you were just happy and got a mental break to yourselves.

Your nieces flew out to visit the next year, then JJ proposed the next week. Life was going great, until you got a call from one of Molly’s friends, “what’s wrong?” You answered, JJ looking up from the dining room table worriedly.

“Molly is with the FBI,” she whispered as if the FBI was listening.

Your stomach sank, “what do you mean?”

“..I shouldn’t be telling you.” “You called me Katy!” You yelled, your father's anger coming out. “What did she do that got the FBI involved?” Your phone buzzed again which meant you were getting another call, unfortunately this one was more important. You looked to see JJ on the phone.

Your thoughts went to the worse, Molly is at Quantico. But JJ was probably just talking to her mom. Her mom called a lot, yeah, that had to be it.

“She was running a drug scheme and got busted as well as several felonies.”

“Shit.” You sighed, “do you know where the bureau she’s located at is?”

“Some place called Quantico.”

No. No. No. No.

---------------------------------------------------------

The drive to Quantico was awful and anxiety ridden, JJ held your hand as she drove, the boys were at Will’s. You were calling your dad, telling him not to tell the girls until you know more because they lived with him. JJ explained that the phone call was Hotch saying the interrogation with your sister was happening and they wanted two of their best agents there. The buzzing during the phone call was Rossi. They didn’t know it was your sister, your last name was common, you’ve run into plenty of people in your line of work with your last name.

But you were told that you two looked similar, and they’re all smart but you know Reid will put it together before anyone else. Hell, he probably already has.

You pulled up to the building, there were a bunch of cop cars as well as other Agent vehicles. JJ didn’t hold your hand on the way up to where they all were, she didn’t want it to be obvious that you were in emotional turmoil.

You met them right before the interrogation room, you looked into the window, she looked horrible. Obviously, she was using again, she had all the signs, every memory from high school came back. Seeing her so skinny and malnourished from the drugs. Her hair was lackluster, it was flat and dull in color, her skin was deathly pale and had many skin breakouts due to how shot her entire system is.

Garcia filled all of you in everything she’s done. You already knew this though, Hotch gave you a weird look because you wouldn’t stop staring off into space (which showed your anxiety was spiraling bad). You also didn’t chime to help, you just shut down.

Hotch moved to behind you and touched your back lightly, “can I see you for a moment?” You two slipped out without making it obvious, you were sure none of them noticed but Hotch knows you like a daughter.

He shut the door to his office, “what’s going on, Y/N?”

You shrugged, “nothing.”

“I know you’re lying, did you and JJ have a fight that’s distracting you? Is your mental health acting up again?”

“No, God, No. And You know if we have problems we let them go at work to get things done.” You said defensively.

“Well, both of you are pretty closed off right now, usually you two never leave each other's sides during cases. You aren’t being attentive and aren’t chiming in. If it’s not your mental health or JJ, what is it?”

You bit your lip nervously, “that woman in there, she’s my half-sister.”

Well, it was clear he wasn’t expecting that, “It’s not in your file that you have siblings.” “That part was optional, I left it blank for a reason.”

“What happened?” He asked gently.

“She chose that life over her family, over her children. We paid for so many facilities and got her help multiple times. She threw it all away. I can’t forgive her for that.”

He nodded, “think you can go back in there?”

“I want that bitch locked away, Hotch. If you allow me to have that personal vendetta, then yes I want to go back there.” You said, determined. The fire in you igniting more. You would make sure she never saw her kids again.

He nodded and gestured towards the door, “lead the way.” -------------------------------------------

“I want to go in there to interrogate her.” You spoke, your voice void of any emotion, you got really good at hiding your emotions. Especially around her.

Rossi nodded, oblivious to the looks JJ was giving you, “sounds like a plan to me, you are the toughest I feel like right next to Hotch and Morgan.”

You smiled in response, it was light praise to you.

“Hey Y/N?” Reid asked.

“Yeah?” You looked at him, pushing a stray hair that fell in your face back.

“She looks a lot like you, and has the same last name.” He said gently.

“Yes, she’s my half-sister, Reid.” You said, looking at the entire team's reactions.

To say they were shocked would be an understatement.

“Are you sure you should go in there then?” Morgan asked.

You nodded, “I can do it. I don’t really care if she gets locked away. In fact, I think everyone in my family will be better off.”

Nobody said anything at your words, then Emily spoke, “go get the confession.”

---------------------------------------------

You stood outside the door, JJ came up and gave you a kiss, “you got this, babygirl.”

You blushed, then groaned, “great now I’m gonna be all flustered.”

She laughed, it made your heart lighter, “I love you.”

“I love you.” You said back, she kissed you again and walked away.

You waited a few moments to open the door, you could do this.

When you opened it, she looked up to see who it was, she saw you and gave you a confused look, “Y/N? What are you doing here?”

“If you came to my graduation party, you would know this is where I worked.” You said, like she was stupid.

“I knew you were in the FBI at least.” “Considering all the laws you’ve broken, I wouldn’t have thought so.” You threw the file on the table, “I’ve already told them about everything you did to my family, to your children. They aren’t so happy and everybody here is dedicated to locking you away. You can’t play the victim card anymore.” You spoke gently, trying to keep nerves out of your voice.

“Traitor.” She hissed.

“Hm, you knew you had a relative in the FBI yet you still kept doing bad things, you also have two kids you left for a crime ring so I don't think I’m the traitor here.” You said sitting across from her, you ignored the anxiety in your veins, you wanted to fiddle with your engagement ring but didn’t really wanna talk about JJ with this woman.

“Tell me what happened,” You leveled her with a look, that same look that your father would give her, the ‘i’m disappointed’ look, she had some feelings, and that look usually worked. “Why would I tell you?” You shrugged, “I don’t know, you bragged about getting kidnapped before so I wonder what you’ll brag about now, maybe seeing the inside of Quantico, maybe how they tried to break you and you resisted.”

“They sent my baby sister in to intimidate me,” she scoffed, “pathetic.”

“Oh that isn’t my job.” You smiled, you were going to enjoy this.

“Whose job is it?” She deadpanned, not having any of your shit, but you didn’t care. It was too much fun.

“The prison guard outside who’s waiting to guide you to prison.” You shrugged.You could feel the ‘Hotch’ look through the glass for telling her so much.

But you knew how to scare her, how to make her feel like shit. Guilt tripping was the best, hearing her lies, it was almost comical at how ridiculous they were.

“Your daughters are doing great by the way, they stayed here with me for a week.” It was a great week, Hotch granted you and JJ time off to spend time with them and the boys. JJ even asked for their permission to marry you, she proposed the next week on your anniversary.

She sighed and looked at the mirror, it was like she was staring down your team on the other side.

You sat in silence for a few minutes, before she spoke. “I’m sorry.” “No.” You simply said, shaking your head.

“No?” She asked.

“Don’t say you’re sorry just to say it, I don’t want some apology, you’re going to prison no matter what.” You shrugged. You forbade your emotions getting involved right now. JJ and the team were working overtime to get this confession out in time.

“Bullshit, I am not.” She insisted, her voice going up a couple octaves. She was nervous.

“What? You think you’re just gonna walk out of here? You have several federal offenses.” You opened her file, “carjacking, credit card fraud and identity theft alone are going to be up to 30 years in prison.”

“There’s no proof.” She was just spitting stuff out at this point, she was getting frazzled. Her eyes, eyes that you both shared from your father, were wide and full of fear.

“There are countless video files as well as credit card traces and millions of other traces. You’ve been on the list for years it seems.” You said, your eyes scanning over everything, every single mugshot, or street camera shot. All the proof was in the folder, you just needed a confession.

“I know you deal, so just confess and we can both get out of this awkward family reunion.” You spoke, your head resting against your hand.

Her eyes caught on the diamond, “you married?”

“Engaged.” You said calmly.

“What’s his name?” You rolled your eyes. “You know I’m gay, why do you keep insisiting that I’m into men?” “Oh yeah because you were assaulted, got it.” She acted like she just solved the greatest mystery.

Your stomach sank even further, “Your ignorance is baffling.”

“Ignorance?”

“Yup, you criticize other people's lives and then once someone throws it back at you, you get offended. You are the queen of hypocrites.” you paused, “that’s what your drug lord name should’ve been.”

“..What?”

“The Hypocrite Queen, has a bite to it, doesn’t it?” You tilted your head, feeling her vibes out.

“What?” She asked, her voice trembling. She was scared.

Good. A dark part of you whispered.

“Sure it doesn’t have as much fire as The Bite. But it’ll do.” You said, nonchalant. As if discussing paint colors.

“How do you know about any of this?”

You smiled, enjoying her fear and the fact that you’re winning. “You know, I wonder what Adam Davis would think about all of this, or Betty Walsh, Allie Simmers, Jaden Carsdale, Julia Brewermen.” You named off just a few of the people her drugs killed.

“I don’t know who those people are.” Her voice was barely above a whisper and she couldn’t make eye contact.

You nodded, “those are the people you killed.” “Drugs killed them.” She clarified without thinking.

The door behind you opened, you turned to see JJ, “we need you in Garcia’s office.” It was a horrible lie, but you knew it was all done. You nodded, you started getting up when you heard Molly speak.

“What about family, sissy?”

“That’s rich coming from you, you are the same woman who abandoned her children for some dude you met two days before you left.”

“That was the addiction.”

“No it wasn’t, you did the same thing when you were fifteen, with a twenty six year old might I add; right before you got pregnant with your first born. You weren’t addicted then, so don't blame an addiction you use as a crutch to get through life. Being an addict doesn’t mean you are automatically pardoned from everything you ‘ve done, to me, to dad, to your two kids who are fifteen years old and already know that they never want to see you again.”

“What have I done to you?” She had the nerve to look heartbroken.

Manipulative bitch

“Tried to manipulate me to say I took dads alcohol when I was fourteen, I told you I was gay and you asked if I was gay because I was assaulted. You used my mom and your dad for money, you lied to us, multiple times about so many things that I’ve lost count. You hurt people for your own gain, you are the most selfish person I’ve ever met. You know, I went into a career where I deal with horrible people and now I know why I’m so good at it, because I grew up dealing with a horrible person that was close to me. Someone who hurt multiple people that I love-” “I get it, I hurt people-” “I’m not done! You’ve judged me my entire life and treated me poorly and now, I get to enjoy the fact that I get to watch you get put behind bars forever. You will never see your children again, you will never use our family for money, and people will no longer pity you.”

You walked out without another word, JJ was right there, she gripped your hand because she knew you needed the support.

With Molly locked away, you could finally breathe and feel free from her problems. You made all the necessary phone calls to your dad. Booked a flight to go and explain everything to your nieces.

JJ would be by your side through it all.

#criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #jennifer jareau #jennifer jareau x reader #derek morgan #spencer reid #jj x reader #jennifer jareau x you #aaron hotchner #david rossi #emily prentiss

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mosaic-system · 4 years

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Hfhdj hello!! I just wanna say ur blog seems rly nice and it's rly helpful, which is why i'm sendign this wah,, my best friend just figured out that he probably has did !! Ive met some of the alters in their system and I love them all,,, Ive been as supportive as I can but I was wondering if u had any advice on how to make sure they feel rly accepted and loved! Again ur blog is super nice aaaa have a good day !!

Aww this warms my heart 💜 I will start this by saying each system (and alter for that matter) is different and will have their own view on what supportive looks like!

That being said, we CAN tell you our experience or at least what we think supported/supportive, as well as some red flags to look out for that you may need to take a step back/the system is being toxic to you(because that can be true)

1. No alter is purely evil, they may act out but it’s because they’ve been hurt before in the past

🟥 An alter’s abuse should never be okay, and every other alter should take charge of whatever consequences may come of another alter’s bad behavior, no “it wasn’t me it was my alter!” See system responsibility

🔴 (for systems) it is your responsibility as a system to not abuse anyone else, not taking responsibility for your or another alter’s actions is being just as bad as the person who abused you. And yes, it is that serious.

2. Don’t willfully try and trigger out alters, if they tell you their triggers, even if the triggers are “positive” it’s still not a great experience for any alters involved.

2 1/2. Don’t ask the person who is fronting if someone else can front instead, it’s like showing up to a gathering and someone going “uh can you leave I wanted to see your sister instead” like no I’m here wtf)

3. Treat them as separate people, even though they look to you like facets of the host they are in their own sense people

4. Generally it’s a respectful thing to ask “who’s fronting?” (Don’t ask “who are you right now?”because, “I’m always me?” Is almost guaranteed to be the answer)

4 1/2. You may not always get a straightforward answer, sometimes switches take a long time and we can be a bit blendy, this doesn’t make their DID invalid.

5. NEVER ASK ABOUT WHAT THEIR TRAUMA WAS unless they tell you willingly, it’s private information and because of the DID chances are whoever you’re talking to doesn’t know the full story because...that’s how it works..?

6. Stay calm through switches. Sometimes they can take hours sometimes they can take minutes. Don’t try and rush them out of it because chances are you’ll make it worse. Don’t touch them unless you have gotten consent previously as it can be triggering, and don’t try to snap them out of their dissociation, just be patient with them.

6 1/2. When a new alter switches in depending on how good the system communication is (in your case if your friends is just finding out it’s probably not great as it takes a lot of work and time to get good communication) most likely the alter will be very disoriented and fearful. Best thing to do is pretend like a friend nervously just walked into the room, tell them that they’re in a safe place, introduce yourself, let them know what’s going on and where you are.

🟥 if they try to get you involved in innerworld/system drama, RUN. Taking sides with a persons different identities isn’t helpful, if they are asking for advice please direct them to a mental health professional. Anything else you do will result in worse communication between alter with the person and will put you on a bad side with a part of the system.

🔴(for systems) It’s toxic as someone with DID to try and rope someone into innerworld drama, it’s not their business and it’s going to hurt the relationship between you and them.

6 1/4. IF THEY TELL YOU SOME NEGATIVE TRIGGERS PLEASE TRY TO AVOID THEM AS BEST YOU CAN, pretty self explanatory, this is a disorder that has to be formed in trauma, and they can and probably will have a flashback which is a horrible situation for all parties involved. Just don’t do it.

7. Littles and teen alters are not adults pretending to be children and teenagers, they really have that mindset. Don’t expect them to act like an adult and treat them as though they are the age they present as

7 1/2. DO NOT EXPOSE TEEN ALTERS OR CHILD ALTERS TO ADULT CONTENT THEY ARE NOT ADULTS this should be a no brainer for most but it needs to be said just to be clear

8. I definitely recommend they seek professional treatment if they can, as close and supportive of a friend you may be, you cannot substitute the treatment of a trained professional. This will not only create a better foundation for system communication and healing and coping with living as a system. It can also create a concrete diagnosis and rule out any other potential factors and/or explain if there are any other comorbidities (BPD, MDD, Bipolar etc can be comorbid with DID but require different treatment than DID)

9. There is a lot of terminology out there for DID/OSDD. Check what the community uses but if they say they don’t like a certain word or phrase, don’t use it.

10. Finally BEING CLOSE TO SOMEONE WITH DID CAN BE EMOTIONALLY TAXING, BE AWARE OF HOW YOU YOURSELF ARE DOING. It’s okay that they are that way and it’s okay to step back and take a break. this is a person that’s been through a lot and is likely not in a stable place, it’s okay if you yourself need to take a step back and rejuvenate. As I love to say, “you cannot pour from an empty cup, fill your’s up first”

Take care of yourself first friend and you will be able to support so much better ❤️

This is all I can think of at the moment, I’m sure I’m missing a few things and other DID/OSDD systems feel free to add on if you guys have any other things you’d like this person to know

Hope it helps!

#actuallydid #actually multiple #did #d i d #actuallymultiple #did system #actually traumagenic #actuallytraumatized #actually plural #system asking systems #singlets asking systems #did asks #did/osdd #didcommunity #didsystemasks #didosdd #mosaic system asks

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blackjack-15 · 4 years

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Death, Philosophy, and the Runs — Thoughts on: Legend of the Crystal Skull (CRY)

Previous Metas: SCK/SCK2, STFD, MHM, TRT, FIN, SSH, DOG, CAR, DDI, SHA, CUR, CLK, TRN, DAN, CRE, ICE

Hello and welcome to a Nancy Drew meta series! 30 metas, 30 Nancy Drew Games that I’m comfortable with doing meta about. Hot takes, cold takes, and just Takes will abound, but one thing’s for sure: they’ll all be longer than I mean them to be.

Each meta will have different distinct sections: an Introduction, an exploration of the Title, an explanation of the Mystery, a run-through of the Suspects. Then, I’ll tackle some of my favorite and least favorite things about the game, and finish it off with ideas on how to improve it. Like with all of the Odd Games, there will be a section between The Intro and The Title called The Weird Stuff, where I go into what makes this game stand out as a little strange.

If any game requires an extra section or two, they’ll be listed in the paragraph above, along with links to previous metas.

These metas are not spoiler free, though I’ll list any games/media that they might spoil here: CRY, mention of CUR, mention of ASH.

The Intro:

It’s time for New Orleans, y’all.

Legend of the Crystal Skull is a game that’s often rated highly by the fandom, especially for its atmosphere (which is among the most well-done and pervasive of the whole series). Honestly speaking, were it not for the mental health/death/immortality storyline(s), CRY would simply be a Jetsetting game a bit out of order, given its fascination with its location (even if the amount of locations is slightly smaller).

One of the high points of this game is honestly its location and ambiance. CRY takes the idea of the “dark and stormy night” and plays it to perfection, cloaking everything in such thick atmosphere that the players, like Nancy, can’t always see the way ahead, and have to take leaps of faith every once in a while.

The characters contribute to the thick atmosphere; Bruno is a shadow, Henry’s hiding everything under a guise of nonchalance and a fishnet glove, Renée is all gardening grandma hospitality but never says anything about herself, Gilbert has Southern Manners while avoiding saying anything bad even when he means it, and Lamont refuses to get involved in anything outside his shop. They aren’t perfect suspects, but they’re good characters, and it elevates the game.

Bess’ hesitance to delve into this atmosphere makes her the perfect partner for Nancy who begins by investigating just who the Skeleton Man was who attacked her before spiraling deeper and deeper into the mysteries surrounding Bruno Bolet and his crystal skull.

But while the costumes, pageantry, puns, and secrets all contribute to the atmosphere, nothing quite reaches the same level of Sheer Aesthetic as Bruno’s last years being dedicated to finding a crystal skull. Glittery and gothic with power over life and death, it’s easy to see why the game is named after it (which, of course, I’ll get into below).

This isn’t to say that CRY is all sizzle and no substance — far from it. CRY doesn’t attempt to teach the player the entire history of New Orleans, the complex background and practices of voodoo (or any of its other sister practices), nor does it get into iguana physiology or the mechanics of how to make someone sneeze or get the runs.

While education is of course present in CRY, it’s more centered in philosophy than in hard, straight facts. Professor Hotchkiss – a returning character perfectly suited to the French-influenced New Orleans and her love of slightly sinister history – gives the mission statement of the game, summing up its central philosophical question – “Does this mean that there mysterious external forces at work in the universe of which we do not and cannot ever have full knowledge? Or does it all boil down to us? If the human heart desperately wants something to be true, does the human mind have the power to make it true?”

It’s a fascinating question, and touches on all sorts of real-life phenomenon – the power of suggestion, the placebo effect, intelligent design, among others – without ever seeming like HER is trying to Teach a Lesson. Out of all the edutainment elements in this series, CRY (and I would add ASH in here as well) features some of the most subtle work that HER ever accomplishes.

The Weird Stuff:

Of course, a discussion (one-sided as these metas mostly are) of CRY wouldn’t be complete without addressing the things that qualify it to be a truly Odd Game within the Nancy Drew franchise.

The first and most obvious is that we’re dealing with death – and a recent death at that — for the first time in a while. We’d have to go all the way back to CLK to see another death of a relative not long before the mystery starts, and Emily’s mom’s death and Josiah Crowley’s death don’t hang over CLK the way Bruno Bolet’s death hangs over CRY.

Bruno is given instead more weight – part of the mystery is figuring out who he was, what he liked, what he wanted, and what he did every day, especially leading up to his death. The house is almost a stand in character for Bruno; it reflects him perfectly, including all the things that were important to him, and just as determined to keep his secrets. A lot of Nancy Drew games have the house/location as a character, but only a few associate the location with a specific character, and CRY does it possibly the best.

The second thing that makes this game so odd is the showcasing of an abusive relationship. Sure, Summer doesn’t hit Henry or anything, but is just as abusive all the same, and the game doesn’t shy away from showing her horrible behavior and the effect that it has on Henry. He stays with her because, like a lot of abuse victims, he doesn’t think he can do ‘better’ – that somehow this is what he deserves – and the only slight problem with how it’s portrayed is that we don’t get to see Henry leave her and be happier.

Lastly, in an oddity for Nancy Drew games so far, mental illness is put at the front and center of the game (rather than being a one-off random thing not really mentioned like in CUR). Henry, separate from the abuse he receives from Summer, is obviously depressed, and the game doesn’t really shy away from showing it. Sure, they might not use the term “clinical depression”, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not acknowledged. Henry’s depression, his sadness, his feeling of being out of control and yet still tied down – that permeates every moment of the game, and especially his conversations with Nancy. The whole reason Nancy’s there at the Bolet mansion in the first place is because Ned was worried about his shy, depressed classmate.

Gosh, Ned is such a good guy. He deserves so much better than Nancy “Lacks Tact” Drew.

Unlike a lot of the “Odd” games, the odd things in CRY don’t detract from the game; they make the game what it is. It’s a bit more mature, a little more introspective, a touch less black and white than most of the Nancy Drew games have been up until this point. No characters are simply caricatures, there’s very little stereotyping (for a ND game), and it’s not pointlessly spooky or try-hard in any way. CRY is the rare game that simply is what it aspired to be; while what it aspired to be was odd (and it is Odd), it doesn’t make it bad. It makes it feel genuine and honest – and after ICE, I can’t think of anything better for a game to aspire to be.

The Title:

We’re getting to the portion of Nancy Drew games where, regardless of the quality of the actual games, their titles are smash hits every time. “Legend of the Crystal Skull” is an incredibly good title on multiple levels.

First, it tells us what the game is about – not the Crystal Skull itself, but the legend of it – the myths, mysteries, and effects of the Skull. Not only does it (correctly) indicate that this game is a little more about philosophy than it is about something concrete.

The second thing it does is establish a sense of mysticism that is reinforced the second the game begins. We’re in New Orleans, we’re learning about this Crystal Skull, it’s dark, rainy, and spooky, there’s death and specters and possibly more afoot…and this doesn’t start with the Skeleton Man cutscene, or the phone call, or even the warning on the screen to play with the lights off – it starts with the title.

The Mystery:

We begin with Nancy and Bess visiting New Orleans – the French Quarter, to be specific – for a fun little vacation, only to be met with a Dark and Stormy Night. Ned, knowing of his girlfriend’s plans to visit New Orleans, asks her if she can check up on a classmate of his who’s going through a hard time: Henry Bolet.

Determined to get the visit out of the way, Nancy leaves Bess back at the hotel and traipses over to the Bolet Mansion. When she walks in – I know, honestly, Nancy – the open door, she’s greeted by a person in a skeleton costume in the front room, rather than a miserable college student.

She’s soon knocked out by the Skeleton Man, coming to when an elderly woman offers her an odd concoction and the Skeleton is long gone. Soon, Nancy discovers that Henry’s dead uncle was in possession of a Crystal Skull that was to protect its owner against any source of death other than murder, the plot starts to thicken quicker than a bubbling roux.

CRY is home to an incredibly solid mystery, full of atmosphere, colorful characters, and even a food minigame as if to draw me in specifically. While I don’t think it’s the best Nancy Drew game by a long shot, I would say that it’s definitely the best of the Odd games, and by far the most successful mystery + atmosphere combination that we’ll have until we reach SAW, quite a few games later.

Now, let’s move on to our colorful characters.

The Suspects:

We’ll start with Renee Amande, as I think she’s our first character who is properly introduced post-cutscene (with her concoction). Bruno’s elderly housekeeper, Renee is a practitioner of voodoo (kind of) and a believer in the crystal skulls – she wants to reunite all thirteen of them to move the world to a higher plane of understanding.

Our villain, yet not our killer – not directly at least – the only thing Renee is guilty of other than attempted murder of a plucky Illinois detective is falsifying a letter. The shock of the “false” crystal skull shocked Bruno so badly that he had a heart attack and died, but Renee didn’t actually kill him. She’s one of those villains in Nancy Drew stories who commit a minor crime, and jump immediately to murder when she’s discovered.

As the villain, Renee is actually the only suspect that could even work. The game plays with Dr. Buford and the mysterious Skeleton Man, but in reality Renee’s the only one with motive and opportunity. But, given that Nancy spends 3/4ths of the game trying to figure out what crime has actually been committed, rather than working with cold hard facts, that works out pretty well.

Henry Bolet, on the other hand, is apparently catnip to a good section of the Nancy Drew fandom, and is the closest thing to a living victim that we actually have in this game. When his parents died, he was shipped off to live with Bruno – and Bruno shipped him off to military school, so he should be a bit more muscular than he is – and he’s never gotten over their deaths.

Like, “Nancy finds him crying over his parents” kind of never got over their deaths.

I’ll be honest, while I know lots of people who did Love him with everything in them, I never really saw the appeal of Henry Bolet as a love interest for anyone, or even as a compelling character. His voice actor – Brian Neel – does a great job, with his voice definitely being the part of him with the most obvious appeal, but otherwise…maybe it comes from my distaste for underdog stories, maybe it’s that I’m no good with crying people, who knows.

As a suspect, Henry’s pretty much out from the moment that he confesses to Nancy that he sold a trunk for quick cash for his abusive girlfriend. HER isn’t bold enough to have that be a lie, nor are they dumb enough to make him the culprit after that. Henry’s out of the running for most of the game, but he never really becomes Nancy’s confidante, not like other early-clear suspects.

Henry’s an interesting puzzle as a character, but that more comes from his place as the central piece of CRY’s “Oddness”, rather than any interest in him as a possible suspect.

On the other end of fandom appeal lies Dr. Gilbert Buford, whose greatest sin as a character is declaring an obvious heart attack an obvious heart attack and using regular, polite Louisiana manners for a man of his age while interacting with a character who obviously has no problem with it at all.

Dr. Buford is hard at work giving the majority of Bruno’s characterization that doesn’t come from his house to him, as well as giving a truly excellent scare when finding Bess in the Secret Meeting scene. As a suspect, Buford is a moderately good one – cagey, a doctor, knows about the Skull – but ultimately falls short as he just has too many of his own secrets to carry.

I personally like Gilbert Buford as a character, and find him an entertaining source of exposition – but then, I grew up around Southern manners (and military manners, which aren’t too dissimilar), so that might be the reason why.

Rounding out our suspect list – though barely qualifying himself, honestly, is Lamont Warrick, owner of a curio shop and intensely vulnerable to hot sauce and sneezing powder.

One can only imagine the Horror that would occur if Nancy were to mix those two allergens. Well, one can also Giggle at the mental image, but still.

As a suspect…well, even HER knew that he was a non-entity; his biggest part to play is actually after the game concludes, where he closes his curio shop in order to search for Bernie, who has swallowed the crystal skull.

I guess someone had to search for it? I’d love a follow-up with him, maybe over Labor Day, or Memorial Day, where Bess goes back to see if he’s had any luck, only to find that he found a dead body along with the alligator, and in order to not get suspected for the murder, they have to bring the body with them and pretend that it’s alive, taking it to bingo games over the course of the 3 vacation days.

Yes, that was all to set up a bad “Weekend at Bernie’s” reference. Hush.

The Favorite:

As you might have guessed from…well, most of this meta, one of my favorite parts of CRY is the sheer atmosphere that the game embodies from its beginning through the closing puzzle.

The Bolet mansion is just the right amount of cluttered yet comfortable, shadowy yet detailed, and gloomy yet homey to be a nigh-perfect location. The graveyard isn’t hard to navigate, is filled with puns, and does a lot of the character work for Bruno and (to a slightly lesser extent) Henry while allowing both characters to be private and a bit mysterious. The greenhouse is simultaneously cozy and elegant and yet slightly cage-ish and slightly claustrophobic.

Even the locations that Nancy stays away from — the hotel balcony, Zeke’s, the food truck, the secret meeting — are thick with a different kind of atmosphere: less wet, less foggy, more brightly lit, more French Quarter than haunting mansion. Bess’ locations are welcoming yet secretive, perfect for the reluctant amateur-amateur detective who just wants her vacation to be fun and mystery-free.

Adding to the atmosphere is the sheer number of cutscenes/cinematic camera usages in CRY. The opening with the Skeleton Man, Bess getting caught at the meeting, opening the final crypt, Renee shutting the tomb…they’re all so perfect, and do a great job at making you feel really immersed in Nancy’s New Orleans experience.

My favorite puzzle is honestly finding the glass eyes. CRY isn’t really a game I remember for its puzzles; they fade a little bit into the background (with the exclusion of a couple I don’t like) because they’re well integrated into the story, and because the game doesn’t really grind to a halt to make Nancy complete minigames like in, for example, CUR.

My favorite moment is split between two very different moments. The first is, unsurprisingly, the conversation with Hotchkiss mentioned above where she lays out the theme of the game. It’s a shockingly nice moment in the game, coming in the start/middle of the mystery and being a familiar face – er, voice – for Nancy to get help from. It’s a moment that lets you stop and think about what Nancy’s actually dealing with, rather than effectively pausing the game through a rhymed puzzle about the skull or other such nonsense.

The other moment is a little more obvious and a little flashy – the moment when Bess is discovered at the Skeleton meeting. The tension right before, the sudden pop-up of the skeleton mask between the boxes, the conversation afterwards…it’s just as close as possible to a perfect scene. It’s long enough before Bess is discovered that the player can kind of get comfortable, but not so long that it drags on. The moment of discovery is startling, but not scream-worthy or too scary to replay over and over or in the dark. It’s just great.

The Un-Favorite:

There’s not a ton to complain about with CRY, but I do have a few small things that make replaying it somewhat of a chore.

The first is my least favorite puzzle: the loquat bug spraying. It takes a long time, it feels shoved in the game just to have an extra puzzle, and Nancy can only take one loquat at a time. I feel like the player should be able to take up to 3, and then come back and do it again if they need/want any more loquats. Honestly, it’s a puzzle in a place where a puzzle really just shouldn’t be.

My least favorite moment in the game would probably be the chest that Henry sells to Lamont. After selling it and building it up for quite a few minutes, it’s kind of a letdown that it only has a few things it in. This would have been a great place to have more character-building work done, but instead the focus is on “how do we find it/open it” and less on “what can this do for the story”.

Finally, I mentioned it above, but I’m not a fan of how Lamont pretty much is a non-entity in the game. I’m fine with one suspect being less suspicious or having less ‘dirt’ on them than the rest, but Lamont really doesn’t have anything on him. He’s never a suspect for the Skeleton Man, he doesn’t really do anything sketchy…he’s just underwhelming.

The Fix:

So how would I fix Legend of the Crystal Skull?

I think really the only fix that I would attempt is to give Lamont a little more plot significance. Sure, his curio shop is beautiful and wonderful and important to the plot, but Lamont himself really isn’t. In order to include him more in the plot, make Lamont a bona-fide treasure hunter that manages the curio shop for cash in between expeditions. He’s heard that Bruno has a treasure that people have killed for, but couldn’t figure out what it was before Bruno’s death. He buys the chest from Henry and searches it top-to-bottom trying to figure out if it’s hiding something since it’s obviously Bruno’s personal chest.

To add a bit more importance, I’d place him at the Bolet mansion on the night of Bruno’s death as well. Renee’s there, Dr. Buford is there, Henry we’ve already written off completely in the actual game as a suspect, so Lamont should be there as well, snooping around to try to figure out what treasure Bruno’s got and if he can persuade him to sell it (or at least let Lamont see it). Nancy can match footprints in the garden to his boots, or some other method of proving he was there. I’d just like for Lamont not to drop off the map early on. It also makes his canonical ending that much neater.

Honestly, that’s it.

Sure, I’d appreciate the loquat bug spraying minigame to be fixed as well, but CRY is honestly a pretty character-based game, thick with philosophy and legends, and it doesn’t need a ton of help in that area. Make all the suspects viable for most of the game, and I think an already entertaining and atmospheric game would be just a little bit better.

#nancy drew #clue crew #nancy drew games #legend of the crystal skull #nancy drew meta #video games #CRY #my meta #long post

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faedawayyy · 3 years

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DALLAS JACKSON.

my forever obsession. i feel like his story and margo’s story go hand in hand and when they’re put together, it makes so much sense why they are the way they are.

TW: DRUGS, ALCOHOL, VERBAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE

CHILDHOOD (0 - 11)

dallas is the youngest of two. he was born in april and from the moment he was born, he became the centre of his mum’s universe. he never did anything to be that way; she always told him that he came at just the right time. he never really knew what that meant but it’d end up being the main thing that sent so many other things spiralling in the wrong direction as he grew up.

anywhere his mother went, dallas would be taken too. their parents couldn’t go on dinner dates without dallas coming along in his pushchair while margo stayed with her nanny. he’d go to lunch dates with friends and parties he was too young to be at. his mother was incredibly attached but to him, it felt like love and what child doesn’t want that? she’d suffered with postpartum after margo and dallas was her chance to redo motherhood the “right” way.

dallas never saw much of his dad growing up and when he did, it was during the late hours of the nigh when he’d come home in his suit looking tired. around the same time dallas would go to bed. they were fine though and had a better relationship than margo did with her parents.

dallas spent very little time with anybody his own age. he was desperate to be close to margo but jealousy pushed them away. he’d spend most of his time going to events with his parents and being around other adults.

he loved school because it gave him independence. he was free from his mother’s attachment and he got to make friends with kids his own age. he loved maths, sports and music the most; he was a member of many sports teams and also took part in any school concert that came his way. he was best on the drums and didn’t start singing until much later.

spending a lot of time at home meant that he got to see his dad’s career grow and has more happy memories of his childhood and his parent’s marriage than margo does. however, his mother’s obsession with him did used to make him feel like his dad resented him in a weird way, though. it never showed in huge ways and he came to the conclusion it was just in his head. he was only 11, after all.

TEEN YEARS (12-18)

high school started out weird for dallas. knowing who he is now, people would expect him to have been popular from the get go but he actually really struggled to make friends. spending most of his childhood with adults over 30, he struggled to connect with teenagers - and especially boys - his own age.

he did get in with a group of guys but he was very clearly the weakest link or the one they’d bully and pick on just because they could. he’d shrug it off as a joke but it made him hate school. a lot. it was in the 12 - 14 year old range that he stopped doing sports or putting a lot of effort into school. it didn’t effect his grades because he’s naturally gifted in academics, but he lost his love for learning and school in general.

dallas spent most of his younger teen years not being invited out and watching his friends have fun without him. he still went to events with his parents just to get out of the house. agreeing to sing at a christmas party led him to signing a contract with charles hamilton’s music label. over a summer, he made his debut EP and released a single.

he blew up. almost instantly. the song ‘one time’ was a hit and he was almost certain that this would earn him respect at school. it turned out to be the reverse; he was mocked. people would play his songs ironically and he was called every name you could think of. he even got beat up a few times because of it. it made him miserable and he begged charles to terminate his contract. that never happened but he never, ever wanted to make music.

studying and working on his first full length album, dallas met ruby at school at around 13 and she was the first friend he had that didn’t insist on making a joke of him. he learnt she was adopted by edwin carmichael which made her a family friend; she was the person he mainly started hanging out with and he gradually got to know her friends which opened him up to a new circle too.

separating from his first friendship group was positive, he started to love sports and music again and school became somewhere he could tolerate. he posted music online and ended up releasing ‘baby’ - another song that absolutely blew up and sent him into stardom way too early.

his mum became his manager and helped him balance school and all of his new career success, something else that earned him a string of horrible texts and comments from margo. at this point, he never saw her and she despised him for taking everything she wanted.

he didn’t have much time to think about it. the older dallas got, the more financially successful he became and by the time he hit 15, he was the highest earner in his family. at around he same time, cracks in his parents marriage was showing at home.

his dad never tried to hide the fact that he hated dallas for earning more than him and for a good few years, his father had control over his money. anything he earned went straight to mr jackson. dallas never saw a penny...and because his dad had a gambling addiction, a lot of it went down the drain.

by the time dallas reached 18, he had multiple offers from talent academies and academic universities. he originally chose to go to yale and study physics. he’d had a taste of fame and the music industry and didn’t want it.

dallas’s father had put money aside for him when he was 18 for college. so, he used that to pay his tuition fees. however, after only one term, the account was drained and he didn’t have the money to stay. he worked jobs at bars and shops to pay his way but one job payed more than most and that was drug dealing. not hard to come by on a campus of over privileged kids. however, he was quickly caught and asked to leave.

dallas came home to a completely different environment. his family were bankrupt and his dad had sold the law firm. they were living on loans and their parent’s marriage became massively toxic. he saw his dad beat his mum, multiple times, and when he rushed to defend her - which he would every time - he’d get the same treatment.

he felt like he didn’t have the option to move away like margo, who would take care of their mum? that’s what drove his decision to stay local and go to st judes. but, he hated margo to leave him to deal with his dad’s mess and find a way...on his own...to get them money. suddenly, he was trying to find a way to pay rent, his sister’s rehab bills AND tuition for st judes so it was back to dealing.

YOUNG ADULT (18 - 23)

easily the hardest years of his life. his young adult years have been stress, after stress, after stress, but he’s also not one to ask for help. still being massively successful in music, he threw himself into his rising fame with his albums ‘BELIEVE’ and ‘PURPOSE.’

any chance he got to act like a kid and forget about the responsibility he has, he takes it. whether that’s getting into petty fights, dating around, getting too drunk or acting impulsively.

pressure from both being a big name at the academy and from his family has driven him to darker places. he’s struggled - multiple times - to have healthy romantic connections because he’s used to people being dependant on him; starting with his own mother. the minute somebody gets too attached or asks too much of him, he’ll lash out. on the flip side though, he likes to be needed.

mental pressure is mainly what led his last relationship to become abusive and after that, he hit rock bottom. believe it or not, it’s definitely learnt behaviour and the last position he wanted to find himself in.

dallas’s mental health has taken the biggest blow. after a handful of seriously failed relationships and having no home life anymore, he was diagnosed with depression mid-2020. something else he rejects intensely. he refuses to have the same diagnosis as his dad and refuses to speak of it or tell anyone or ask for help.

TW: SUICIDE

2020 and early 2021 had him make two separate suicide attempts that were recorded in the press as drug overdoses. the truth of the matter is that he isn’t an addict. he takes drugs but isn’t a slave to them. he doesn’t want to ruin his life or become numb to it; just end it.

END OF TW

in more recent months, dallas has picked up on his music career again and is STILL trying his best to support his parents and pay margo’s withstanding rehab bills. after being in hospital, the academy have forced him to go to therapy, something he does privately and this accounts for him slowly improving in his behaviour again but he’s definitely forever on thin ice with how his life’s going.

#character saves #my favourite always

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jimkirkachu · 4 years

Text

Legitimate psychology question/concern, but I'm putting it under a cut because it involves toxic friendships, abuse, mental health issues, etc. so please mind the trigger warnings in the tags.

I sat in on a webinar this week through my online therapy service. (It was one of those things where 130ish people sign up and just log in on muted computers and we all hear what a licensed clinician has to say about whatever topic, they usually have ppt slides, whatever, pretty straightforward.) The topic on Monday evening was toxic friendships and how to identify the signs or symptoms of one-sided or generally harmful relationships with people we assume are always looking out for our best interests.

The counselor gave a good presentation, I had no issue really with anything that came up in the formal proceedings and felt it was useful overall. But one thing gave me pause. Toward the end of the session, one of the other listeners wrote something in the instant message chat bar along the lines of, "How can I confront my friend for being unsupportive of me and bullying me when they react to any disagreement or verbal conflict with threats of harm either to themself or me or others?"

And then people started flooding the IM window with assurances that you aren't responsible for how someone else reacts, you deserve to be heard and treated well, they deserve the pain of knowing they're hurting you, it's not your fault if they take it the wrong way, etc. etc. The therapist running the session basically echoed these sentiments, saying that "you have to put all the information on the table, and how they choose to receive it is not up to you."

I understand all of this, of course. But I'm a recovering victim of abuse and ptsd. And I’m legitimately puzzled. Where is the line between:

I’m protecting myself by refusing to blame myself for someone else’s emotional response to what I say

and

I myself am now the toxic friend/possible abuser because I refuse to be held responsible for the direct affects of my words on other people

???

I have been the victim of many one-sided friendships, I’ve been the victim of emotional and physical abuse. I know what can happen when one person “confronts” another in an attempt to stand up for themself and the person being confronted doesn’t “take it well.” How can I “confront” a friend for not being supportive of me when I need them after that exact complaint was leveled at me over and over again for years by my abuser when I was actively being manipulated by him? He would tell me I was being a bad friend and not doing enough for him so that I would then bend over even farther backward until I had literally almost killed myself to try and accommodate his wishes and meet all his standards. According to my own therapist, that was abusive behavior, and his blatant disregard for the physical and emotional effects his words had on me is indicative of his “total lack of empathy” and “pathological narcissism.”

My own friends used to tell me that I need to “stop blaming [my]self for how the other person reacts” because it’s “important for you to be heard.” But if I dump all my complaints on a friend (“you’re not doing enough to support me”) with no regard or responsibility for their response (“not my problem if you take that the wrong way and torture yourself trying to please me”), how does that not make me exactly like my abuser?

I’m just genuinely curious/confused about this. Especially since every time a friend has told me to stop worrying about how so-and-so will react because “they need to know they hurt you,” it has sent up a red flag for me along the lines of how little regard would you have for my feelings in this kind of situation, then? Do you care so little about my feelings that you would rather make me feel horrible simply for the sake of being “heard”? And how is that friendship? If we’re all only concerned about our own feelings and our own visibility... how can any of us ever be friends with anyone else? Since I was a child, I have thought that friends and family were supposed to put each others’ needs before their own, and to still be considerate of their feelings if they have to be firm about something. When someone says, “don’t blame yourself for how other people react to what you tell them about your feelings,” what I hear is “their feelings are not important, the only person whose feelings you should concern yourself with are your own,” which feels inherently selfish, narcissistic, and abusive to me. What gives me the right to complain to my friends that they’re not around when I need them... when my abuser is dubbed as a manipulative narcissist with no empathy for doing the exact same thing to me?

This “take no responsibility for how they react” thing is in direct conflict with everything I have ever believed friendship was fundamentally supposed to be about. It has always been more important to me that my friends and family know I love them--no matter how they treat me--than for me to feel like all my little grievances have been aired and I’ve been “seen/heard.” I’m so much less concerned with being apologized to than I am with not forcing an apology from someone who didn’t realize they hurt me, and making them feel like a horrible person for hurting me and for not realizing I’d been hurt.

I have hurt loved ones without intending to, and I have been “confronted” about it before. And every time I’ve been told that I hurt someone I love simply by being who I am, I literally wanted to take my own life. And I never want to make anyone else feel that way, not even the guy who abused and manipulated me for a decade.

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painted-crow · 4 years

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I'm confused by something you said. You said you have a thing against dehumanization and "the idea of devaluing someone as a person based on their beliefs is Very Icky". I agree. But, isn't that The Big Difference between idealists and Loyalists? Both will dehumanize when pushed to the limit, Idealists either for the "Greater Good" or the other person's beliefs being "wrong". Loyalists because the people they're loyal to were hurt.

There's a difference between dehumanizing someone and having them as your enemy.

Having someone as your enemy means this person has to be stopped, they're causing harm and so it's right to act against them, within reason.

Dehumanizing someone is different. It means you are no longer viewing this human being as a person. They're now vermin, or a monster, or even an idol or evil overlord.

tl;dr: dehumanization can lead us to act without thinking, and I don't like that.

Philosophical rant ahead

(Get out while you can, lol.)

The reason (well, a reason) I have issues with dehumanization in general is that it gets used to circumvent moral discussions about dealing with enemies. War propaganda is an obvious one: "of course it's okay to kill these people, they're nothing more than a plague of cockroaches." But it shows up in a lot of more small-scale ways, too.

Sometimes the group being dehumanized really is a valid enemy and should be acted against, BUT the dehumanization means that any action taken against them will not be considered as carefully as it would if the enemy were still seen as "people." There is such a thing as reasonable force.

Dehumanization makes it emotionally easier to act against your enemies. Sometimes that's helpful, like if you're emotionally attached to your enemy and that makes you too forgiving. It might be easier to leave an abusive relationship if you see the abuser as a monster rather than a really screwed-up person. But more often, it's used by the abuser to justify the abuse.

"Force is all they understand."

Seeing someone as inhuman also closes off a lot of options for dealing with them. You can't negotiate with a monster. You can't reason with rats. Vermin can't ever recover or stop being vermin. Human motivations are complex, and human perception is limited, and sometimes the person who's against you is against you because they're in a bad situation. Do you dehumanize Draco Malfoy because he's working with the Death Eaters, or do you pull a Dumbledore and offer to protect him and his family? This tactic might have worked if they'd had more time.

Sometimes, people are gonna be wrong. Give them a chance to come around, if you can.

Of course, sometimes it's not as easy as that, and direct action is the route you have to take. But you should think about it first. You should try other things, if doing so doesn't put people in immediate danger.

Relying on dehumanization

On the other side of the coin, if you *need* to dehumanize someone in order to justify acting against them, you're going to get a lot of false negatives. People can cause harm without stepping over whatever line you've drawn before you dehumanize; they can cause harm without even being malicious. You need to be able to confront those people.

It's everywhere

Once you start looking for dehumanization, you see it everywhere. It lives in how we talk about prisons, for example. It lives in how people view all kinds of marginalized groups. It lives in how we view international conflict. It's a big part of a lot of issues I won't name because I don't want to get into specifics, I hate discussing politics on the Internet.

If you really want to see how many things it touches, read Brene Brown's books (I'd start with Daring Greatly) and look at all the different things people feel shame about. Appearance. Money. Aging. Mental health. Shame is a form of dehumanizing yourself, and it's horribly destructive--but also, all of those are things we might dehumanize others over, consciously or not.

So basically

I try not to use or listen to dehumanizing arguments, and keep it out of my internal reasoning process. I understand why people do it, but I don't think it's a good habit to fall into. For me, it's enough to see my enemies as harmful, and act against them; they don't have to be rats.

Notes and disclaimers

1. Please don't use this as a jumping off point to rant about examples of specific political crap. If you have to, make your own post, and don't tag me--this subject is exhausting for me, and this boundary is a self care thing. If you want to talk about dehumanization in general, that's fine, I just don't want to get into touchy flamebait stuff about the death penalty or terrorism or any of that shit.

(Just now realizing that the primary reason I hate political discussions on the Internet is largely *because* of the ubiquitous shame- and dehumanization-based arguments. Oof.)

2. These are general rules and there will be exceptions. Don't @ me about edge cases.

3. You can come to a different conclusion about this issue. If you've thought this through and you have a different opinion, or if you use dehumanization but you're really careful about when you use it, I respect that.

This post may be some of the most Ravenclaw primary shit I've ever written.

#paint speaks #asks #ravenclaw primary

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