#they're platonic boyfriends to me. queerplatonic if you will.

[jaypilled]

i'm ok with you

[thesilliestlittlwguy]

yeah sometimes being aroace sucks. but other time's it's great actually because. I also have two really great partners! One of them is queerplatonic and the skrunkliest scrimblo ever and super duper silly and the queerest thing i know and also autistic and aro (like me) and i love void sm, and the other one is a basic white boy but i love him (platonically) anyway and hes my boyfriend. and yeah he loves me romantically and i love him platonically but that's okay! we both knew how the other would love each other before we started our relationship and we talk about how it's going and make sure we're both still okay with things :) anyway! my point is that you can be aroace and still have healthy dating relationships! you don't have to and i certainly dont expect anyone to at all. i value my friendships so so so so so much and to me? these relationships are equal to value of my friendships :] they're just a different kind of friendship to me, and if anything my friendships are more important.

tl;dr you can still have happy healthy relationships as an aroace person as long as you communicate

[are-they-queerplatonic]

Do you see them as a QPR?

QPR Definition:

"Queerplatonic relationships (QPR), also known as queerplatonic partnerships (QPP), are committed intimate relationships between significant others whose relationship is not romantic in nature."

QPR reasoning under the cut

"- "i know that if you're lucky in this life, you get an extraordinary relationship. if there's one thing i know for sure in my life, it's that you are my extraordinary relationship".

- "promise me we'll always be together." "We'll always be together." "It's you and me forever"

- when talking about the future, riley's boyfriend asks if she thinks they'll still be together, and she says she hopes so, but when he then asks about maya, riley and maya both say "we're forever" without question or hesitation.

- they have rings that they promise to never take off

- they also call each other things like "peaches" and "honey"

- parallel a canon ship multiple times and just overall are the main pair of the whole show and love each other a lot and want to be together forever and prioritize each other even when they're in relationships

- there's a scene where one of them asks something like, "what if we never care about our boyfriends as much as we care about each other?", te other replies, "no we'll just love them in a different way. "what different way?" "less.""

[squarebracketsmileyface]

BE SAPPY AND WEIRD ABOUT YOUR PROJECT!!! YOU DO DESERVE A HAPPY ENDING!!! AND YOU DESERVE TO TALK ABOUT THE WAYS YOU REALIZED THAT YOU DESERVE IT!!! ARRRARARA YOURE MY FRIEND AND I LOVE SEEING MY FRIENDS HAPPY

I will CRY /threat

Also I took this as an excuse to ramble, because actually thinking about it, damn this fic has done a lot for me. Like this is dramatic as shit but genuinely writing this fic has changed my life in such a good way. You don't have to read all this lol, it's a mess and weird and ended up extremely long, it was just nice to put it down in writing cos it's been meandering around in my head for a while but I haven't spent much time thinking about it in a coherent way and it was nice to get all my ducks in a row with it all

God though, this fic has helped me figure out so many things, and it's so important to me. Like half of what it helped me figure out isn't even things I could put into words properly, like I can't bullet point most of those things, they're just weird emotional things that are just there.

Anyway, back to my dramatic ass "this fic changed my life." Like just for one I've made friends because of it which is amazing, but also like, just the things this fic has helped me process and understand? Like idk they feel like they shouldn't mean that much and should be fairly inconsequential, but they just aren't? Like the whole "hey maybe I can allow Lark to have a happy ending in an "everybody lives" au of this AU" kinda came about at the same time as I started to really settle mentally into my relationship with my boyfriend and stopped feeling that vague threatening feeling of "this is going to hurt like a bitch when something goes disastrously wrong and ruins our relationship, whether platonic or queerplatonic, forever". Like I started really properly feeling and believing "hey maybe it won't go disastrously wrong and he is just a very lovely guy who absolutely won't turn around and be evil and purposefully hurt me at some later date" instead at around the same time I was like "hey maybe Lark's relationship with Tim wouldn't fall all the way the fuck apart and maybe she'd actually get to raise her kid and be a good mum with a good partner and live a nice life where everything would turn out fine in the end."

And also like, another thing this fic helped me figure out a bit is like, just people mentioning how much the way I write Jay makes them think he'd have bpd in this au? Like I think you were one of the first people to mention that and honestly it's put so many things in perspective for me about just, the way my brain works that I didn't have an explanation for before? Or I did, I tried to explain it with Autism but it didn't quite fit perfectly. And like, I still don't know if I have bpd and I probably won't for a long while, but I write all my characters as me in some way, and Jay especially started out as basically just a self insert wearing a terrible wig and those mustache glasses. But from what I've looked into about bpd now it does seem to fit pretty well, especially the parts people have talked about with like, "very intense but unstable relationships with others"? Thankfully I'm better about that now than I was a few years ago? Tho sometimes I still get scared I'm about to become obsessed with my boyfriend in that way that ruins my relationships with people 💀💀 And the thing with like acting really impulsively? Though I've gotten better at stamping down every rage fuelled "hey you should throw this water bottle at that person's broken arm because they hurt you" type impulse since I was a kid. I now know how not to just lash out and harm people way more than they've hurt me, even when it's all my brain can think to do. So like?

Sorry anyway 💀💀💀 that was such a weird ramble to go on. But speaking of obsessions that ruin relationships

I haven't really talked about it much on here, but when I was 16 I was in a sort of similar place to Jay with Alex, not the friends with benefits bit (though yeah there were a few Very Interesting sexual things going on there that I'm definitely not gonna talk about in anything but the broadest strokes 💀) but definitely the "I'm going to string you along because I like you back but you like me way more than I like you and i dont know how to deal with you, so ill have my fun then ignore you the rest of the time," kinda stuff. And like, I was still pretty angry about that when I started writing this fic and it actually kinda helped me feel less angry at the guy? Because at first Alex was at least loosely based on him and the feelings I had about all that (and then later on Alex became a bit more Also Based On Me like Jay is lol). Like, in my case it was apparently a lot more that guys fault than it ended up being with Jay and Alex? I just kinda assumed it was entirely my fault for not texting him first enough cos I was terrified of annoying him by acting as clingy as I felt 💀 but apparently my guy was just actually a little shitty? (again, not gonna go into that here, it's a mess 💀), but like, for at least some of the less Actually Pretty Fucked Up things he did I kinda got to understand where he was coming from through thinking about Jay and Alex and thinking about Alex's pov. Like, he wasn't trying to be cruel, he just didn't like me as much as I liked him. I got obsessed with him and he was just there for some casual sexting and flirting etc lol

But like, yeah. This fic is so important to me, especially Jay and Tim's relationship. I haven't been thinking about that quite as much recently because I've been focussing on If It Ain't Broken and Jaylex, and I might not even get to focus on it in exactly the way I want to for the next Jam fics in the series, but like. Jay's hang ups over Alex and feeling scared that "what if Tim is just the same" is loosely something I've struggled with too. I'm better with it now than I was a year ago, but even so, every now and again not getting a reply to a message pretty much straight away can send me careening down "oh my god I've annoyed him, oh my god he's not going to talk to me for two weeks straight" street lol. Plus other weird hang ups that Jay most certainly doesn't have 💀

My boyfriend puts up with so much, he's wonderful, ily Vin if you're reading this.

Hell, even the way Jay and Alex end up leaving things at the very end of If It Ain't Broken is actually kinda similar to how stuff ended with me and my guy, I didn't even think about that till now. Alex is just gonna go off with Amy out of the blue and Jay isn't going to know what to do, even though he sort of saw it coming? Like he could kinda tell something was up but he doesn't want to accept it because like "oh well it's probably nothing maybe Alex is just busy. And my guy just texted me one day to say "How do you feel about me? Hmm? Oh yeah? Cool I no longer like you, actually, yeah sorry, I know you think you're in love but. Yeah I've been talking to someone else for a couple weeks now so I think this is the end of our little thing. Bye" lmao. I didn't even realise I've planned the Jaylex 'break up' to parallel that 'break up' 💀 tho honestly Jaylex's 'break up' will probably be slightly nicer on them coa Alex is going to move uni's and they're not going to see each other. So no panic attacks on sight for those two, lucky fucks.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Queerplatonic (2) Masterlist

part one

A Day in the QPR of Dan and Phil (ao3) - INeverHadMyInternetPhase (BirbWatcher)

Summary: A day in the life of Dan and Phil, but as if they were in a QPR. So basically lots of fluff and cuddles, and a little bit of discussion about difficulties with coming out and why they're still in the closet

A Familiar Kind of Love (ao3) - auroraphilealis (peachrayne), INeverHadMyInternetPhase (BirbWatcher)

Summary: Born in a world full of magic, Dan spends his days running an apothecary and curing the sick. Potions and antidotes are his only friends, and he lives a happy life of quiet solitude - until a familiar he never wanted takes it all away. Forced to make a decision that’s life or death for one of them, Dan and Phil have to learn to co-exist together, entering a journey of self-discovery… and a familiar kind of love. Ace/Aro

All You Did Will Be Undone (ao3) - INeverHadMyInternetPhase (BirbWatcher)

Summary: What 2009 phan would have looked like if they were ace and wanted to be in a QPR

best friends forever? that's the plan. (ao3) - toffeelemon

Summary: "So who would you say Dan is to you? Flatmate? Best friend? Or lover?"

Dan wiggled his eyebrows in half irony, curious as to what Phil would reply.

Phil was uncharacteristically serious as he stared straight into the lens.

"He's my everything."

(or, official best friends and Youtube's power couple: Dan and Phil's platonic love story was forced to go public after their leaked wedding photos went viral.)

cupid’s aro (ao3) - Anonymous

Summary: Dan’s aro and still figuring himself - and his feelings about Phil - out. Short and sweet exploration of my feelings about being aro.

Demiboy (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Dan is dealing with exploring gender identity and Phil is there to help/be supportive.

Hugging You (ao3) - INeverHadMyInternetPhase (BirbWatcher)

Summary: Asking for a joint gaming channel is basically the same as a marriage proposal, right?

Last Night's Talk (ao3) - Fablethroughthedays

Summary: The night became riddled with anxiety, for Phil who ended up posting a new video. He felt familiar with this feeling. A routine of which anxiety resurfaces whenever he uploads a new video. Fortunately, Phil turned out to not be alone when he suffered this. Dan knew this all too well and got out of his way to help Phil.

Me and You (Are Not Boyfriends) (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Dan and Phil are a lot of things - best friends, flat mates, co-workers - but they aren’t really boyfriends.

not the only one (ao3) - farkenshnoffingottom

Summary: It's not until Dan starts editing the latest Internet Support Group video that he notices how much one of his answers points to Phil. Phil has to decide if he's really ready to start letting the world see the real him.

Pride (ao3) - INeverHadMyInternetPhase (BirbWatcher)

Summary: It's Pride, and Dan is feeling insecure.

QPR by Accident (ao3) - INeverHadMyInternetPhase (BirbWatcher)

Summary: Dan and Phil stumble across the definition of a queerplatonic relationship online, and realise that’s basically what they already are.

Speaking in Color (The Bright Red Crime Scene) (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Phil is a poet. He's never had an experience that he couldn't put in writing. But then he meets the boy who steals his heart and his words in the art studio, rendering him silent and in awe.

the courage of stars (ao3) - outphan

Summary: At Pride, Dan feels out of place.

The Gnomes Know (ao3) - TheDyingRedRose

Summary: A flower shop au, with a relationship that could be seen as friends to lovers, or a QPR

The Spring Sun in your Eyes (ao3) - TheMarginalThinker

Summary: Dan's mind has a funny way of messing with the rest of his body after winter is over, but nothing he or Phil can't cope with. This one happens to leave him a little worser for it is all.

What Winter's Song Brings (ao3) - TheMarginalThinker

Summary: Their kind was ruled by the seasons. Spring and summer belonged to battling for the last soda in the fridge and hiding from the insects that like to fly into the (necessary) open windows.

Fall and winter belonged to another life entirely.

--

Phil, Dan, Chris and Pj are werelings enjoying the cold season as wolf-y kids do.

When Opposites Attract (ao3) - confettiwrites

Summary: Dan doesn’t do a lot but sit around on his laptop until one night, at a party hosted by Dan’s brother, a guy dressed in oddly creative clothing stumbles into Dan’s room and suggests they go out on an overnight adventure.

you knew every shape of the moon (ao3) - outphan

Summary: Dan is a shy teenager, with no friends and no interest in dating. He likes the stars, but everyone thinks he's weird. That is until his new neighbour introduces himself.

[lillyorlyracat]

THE F/O LIST!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay babies! This is it! This is the f/o list!

This will include almost EVERY SINGLE ONE of my fictional others! This is linked on my pinned post, which is likely where you're coming from. I'll update this from time to time with new skrunklies when they come up and

As for boundaries, I don't have many! If you happen to share an f/o with me, that's really cool, I'm not uncomfortable with that, they love you. If you need to block me because you are uncomfortable with f/o sharing, that's cool too! I totally understand.

Additionally, I am a minor, so a couple of my romantic f/o's are also minors (around my age). They're growing up with me, by the time I'm an adult they will also be adults,,, anwudggx I'm not weird ;w;

One more thing! I have a boyfriend irl who also selfships! It shares a good ton of f/o's with me, so I'll mark the ones we're both dating with a star (☆)

Okay. NOW I can list the characters...

Romantic f/o's

Tribore Menendez (Final Space)

Randall Boggs (Monsters Inc/University)☆

Marvin the Martian (all Looney Tunes media)☆

Roger Smith (American Dad)

Loki (Marvel)☆

Blitzø (Helluva Boss)☆

Sir Pentious (Hazbin Hotel)

Filburt Shellbach (Rocko's Modern Life)

Hawkodile (Unikitty!)

Lord Garmadon (LEGO Ninjago, but specifically the movie. I haven't seen the show)

Jenny Wakeman (My Life as a Teenage Robot)☆

Makoto Kino/Sailor Jupiter (Sailor Moon.. but the og not Crystal.. I don't plan on seeing Crystal)☆

Judy Hopps (Zootopia)☆

Pleakley (Lilo & Stitch)☆

MoominMamma (all Moomins media, but mostly the 90s series bc i'm the most familiar with that one)

Donatello (TMNT 2012)☆

Minion (Megamind)

Mr. Piranha (The Bad Guys)☆

Rapunzel (Tangled)☆

Triffany Lottablog (Bugsnax)

Crane (Kung Fu Panda)

Bandit Heeler (Bluey!)☆

Chilli Heeler (Bluey!)☆

Invader Skoodge (Invader Zim)

Lard Nar (Invader Zim)

Audrey II (Little Shop of Horrors)☆

Commander Peepers (Wander Over Yonder)☆

Flo (Splatoon 2)

Donnie and Raph (ROTTMNT)☆

Aristotle (Billie Bust Up!) ☆

Rusty Rose (Sonic Prime)

Shawn (Sunny Day Jack)

Thorax (MLP:FiM)

King Trollex (Trolls franchise)

Meta Knight (Kirby)☆

Miscellaneous f/o's that I'm not sure if they're romantic or queerplatonic or what but I still love them

Jevil (Deltarune)

Spamton (Deltarune)

Stripe Heeler (Bluey!)

Escargoon (Kirby)

Spinel (Steven Universe)

Queen (Deltarune)

Rouxls Kaard (Deltarune)

Colin the computer (Don't Hug Me I'm Scared)

Starlo (Undertale Yellow)

Mr Ping (Kung Fu Panda)

Tulio Triviño (31 Minutos)

Caine (The Amazing Digital Circus)

Cooper (Trolls)

Synth (Trolls Trollstopia)

There's a lot of deltarune characters in there.. Anyway,

Queerplatonic f/o's

Skelita Calaveras (Monster High)

Hairdresser Octopus/Takoyama (Parappa The Rapper)

Durpleton (Centaurworld)

Bloberta Puppington (Moral Orel)

Familial f/o's

Quatronosto Menendez (Final Space)

Trequeño Menendez (Final Space OC)

Ickis (AAAHH!!! Real Monsters)

Devil Cookie (Cookie Run)

Megamind (Megamind...)

Bluey Heeler (Bluey!)

Bingo Heeler (Bluey!)

Muffin Heeler (Bluey!)

Socks Heeler (Bluey!)

Ghoulia Yelps (G1 Monster High ONLY)

Beezle (Unico)

Vannelope Von Schweetz (Wreck-It Ralph)

Usagi Tsukino/Sailor Moon (Sailor Moon)

Gilbert, Shellbert, Norbert, and Missy Hutchison (Rocko’s Modern Life)

Orel Puppington (Moral Orel)

Ms. Tarantula (The Bad Guys)

Mr. Shark (The Bad Guys)

Ninni (all Moomins media but mostly the 90s series)

Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup (Powerpuff Girls)

Leo and Mikey (ROTTMNT)

S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. (ROTTMNT)

Bugs Bunny (all Looney Tunes media)

Lock, Shock, and Barrel (Nightmare Before Christmas)

Moomin/Moomintroll (Moomins media, mostly 90s)

Little My (Moomins media, mostly 90s)

Loona (Helluva Boss)

Ma, Pa, and Junior Gorg (Fraggle Rock)

Oh (Home 2015)

All the other turtles (TMNT 2012)

Platonic f/o's

Every other Bugsnax character

Mike Wazowski (Monsters Inc/University/At Work)

Roxanne Richie (Megamind)

Casey Jones (TMNT 2012)

Callie (Splatoon)

Marie (Splatoon)

Rocko (Rocko's Modern Life)

Mr Hemulen (all moomins media,, specifically 90s,, you get it by now)

Marinette Dupain-Cheng (Miraculous Ladybug & Chat Noir)

Adrien Agreste (Miraculous Ladybug & Chat Noir)

All the other Centaurworld characters ever

All the Muppets ever. Every single one of them

Cotterpin Doozer (Fraggle Rock)

Every resident of Radiator Springs (Cars franchise)

Francine Smith (American Dad)

Legoshi (Beastars)

Scootaloo (MLP:FiM)

Apple Bloom (MLP:FiM)

Derpy (MLP:FiM)

Kirby

The whole Belcher family + Teddy (Bob's Burgers)

Unikitty (Unikitty!)

Puppycorn (Unikitty!)

Richard (Unikitty!)

Dr. Fox (Unikitty!)

The rest of the Furious Five (Kung Fu Panda)

Nick Wilde (Zootopia)

Baron Draxum & his little gargoyle minions (ROTTMNT)

And Po (Kung Fu Panda)

And Shifu (Kung Fu Panda)

And Zhen!! (Kung Fu Panda)

Fantoccio (Billie Bust Up)

Barnaby (Billie Bust Up)

Peridot (Steven Universe)

Fictionkin related f/o's🔥🪼🌺

Wade 💧

Wade's family <3 💦

Bernie & Cinder Lumen (my parents) ❤️‍🔥

Margot ✨️

Agatha, Arthur, & Sam Gillman (my parents and little brother) 🐙

Uncle Brill 🤪

Grandmamah 👑

Nessie!! 🐾

[+ bonus: my first fictional enemy! Chelsea 🧜‍♀️]

BRANCH!!! 🎤

Branch's brothers! <3 🎶

Viva 🌟

Several other trolls... 🤝

[But not Creek, screw that guy]

[Note: I haven't met any fictionkin folks who are them yet (I'm not counting my irl bf because he's not fictionkin though associate him with Wade and Branch), but I'd really like to meet Bernie & my kraken family, as well as just about anyone from Trolls🥲]

BRIDGET! 💇‍♀️

Barb 🎸

Alrighty! Well, that's all i can think of at the moment... thanks for reading I suppose :)

[valleyfthdolls]

I am once again here to annoy you, an' paste yet another whole ass post into your inbox cuz I'm feelin' very normal tonight (i very much am not-)

Not as in depth as my last kinda lyric analysis thing, but I am completely normal about movie Mike and Vanessa, an' this song made me think of them and their relationship throughout the movie, cuz as the title says they have both shared trauma thanks to William's actions

This verse would obviously be Mike constantly reliving his trauma through his dreams each night, an' Vanessa warnin' him that it will only make things worse for him, with the missing kids messin' with him

They both have trauma thanks to William, Mike witnessing his brother's kidnappin' as a kid, and forcing Vanessa to cover up his crimes for him which definitely has to have messed her up, an' the scene at the end where he taunts her before she shoots him tells me that he also definitely isn't world's best dad material wit' her, as if it wasn't obvious already, but by the end of the movie they both face their trauma head on in a way by facin' off against William and getting rid of the source of it for both of them, Mike finally knowin' who took his brother after all these years, an' Vanessa no longer having to live in fear of him and cover up his crimes. While they're definitely not 100% fine an' ok now, they're definitely on the right path to recoverin' from their own trauma now.

I don't ship movie Mike an' Vanessa, but I do headcanon them bein' in a queerplatonic relationship since I was so expectin' the movie to awkwardly shoehorn in some kinda romance subplot between the two, but I was pleasantly surprised that their relationship remained so natural, just keepin' 'em as friends, which I think their dynamic works so much better as <3

HI I JUSR SAW RHIS POST AND WENT

I personally see Vanessa as being like a sister to the Schmidt kids (plus combined w my movie Cassidy Afton theory Cassidy could be brotherly to Garrett which is cute) but really any interpretation that lets them bond over their shared experiences and feelings is just so special to me. I was so worried they’d force a romantic relationship especially after Vanessa’s one off line asking him to dance with her while the animatronics were performing but thank god they actually went for making them understand and matter to each other instead of ensuring they were boyfriend and girlfriend by the climax or something bc the relationship we GOT for them was so good and I love the way it lets ppl interpret them romantically, platonically, queerplatonically, or familially. I definitely don’t buy at the moment that Mike Schmidt is Michael Afton and I really enjoy it that way honestly because all of that open air between them makes Mike and Vanessa’s relationship feel very real. They’re not bonding because they have some kind of inexplicable draw because they’re romantically inclined or secretly siblings, it’s because they’re both traumatized and suffering thru the same situation and they understand bc of shared trauma and want to help and stick around with each other

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

Steve with Eddie and Nancy while Nancy is with Steve and Robin and Eddie is also with Steve and Chrissy? Thoughts? Potentially queerplatonic Steve and Robin?

Very interesting for someone to ask me for my Stranger Things opinions when I haven't written a Stranger Things fic since ... September? October? of 2022.

But I'm chatty, and I love giving my opinions about things.

First of all - isn't 'queerplatonic' just code for 'gay besties' 'two homos (meaning any kind of LGBTQ persons) who are attached at the hip but do not fuck'? - I always ship platonic Stobin, I think they are literally the best soulmates ever. And as someone who is the captain of all poly ships, I think that two people can exist as a platonic thread in a poly relationship with other romantic and sexual connections (those connections acting through other members of the poly relationship).

I have several drafts (and it's a shame I haven't finished or posted one yet) where Steve and Robin end up in a poly relationship with a reader character, and they are both still 100% platonic toward each other. They just fall in love with and date the same girl and use their intuition for each other to love and support her in a very 'teamwork' kind of way.

As for the polycule? I love it. I am always down for that, I especially love versions where Argyle and Jonathan are there too. I love that meme with Nancy - "this is my boyfriend Jonathan, and this is Jonathan's boyfriend, Argyle". I also feel like Eddie and Argyle would be soulmates if they got a chance to meet (rip).

Also, while I am multiship, one of the only Stranger Things ships I don't like is Stancy. And I feel like Stancy only works if they are in a poly ship, because if they're not, they fall into such horribly heteronormative roles, and I fucking hate it. Nancy would never be a homemaker and have Steve's kids (it's what she resents her parents for, being so cookie-cutter, she would be a career driven woman and probably never have kids, or adopt kids and make someone else take care of them) - but it feels like that's the life Steve wants or thinks that he wants with her.

When they're in a poly relationship, they don't just fall into those roles, and it feels so much better. So - I love Stranger Things polycule. Also, I have a guilty pleasure of Eddie x Nancy, and I feel like the only way it would happen would be in a polycule lmao.

Also CHRISSY - Chrissy and Eddie are so cute, and I feel like Steve/Eddie/Chrissy would be such an interesting dynamic, because Chrissy probably thinks that Steve would be like another asshole jock on the surface, and getting to know that he's just a fucking dork would make it so much easier for her to shed her social mask, and ooomf I LOVE IT

Thank you for coming to my Stranger Things polycule (mini) Ted Talk

[acespec-ed]

Hey I just wanted to ask, how do you define romantic attraction? Like I'm an alloromantic and so well i literally don't know how to define it like sexual for me is like feeling sexual attraction to them and like wanting sex w specifically them but what about romantic attraction?

I honestly don't know. There's no way to describe it without including things friends/queerplatonic partners can do, along with the feelings those who have squishes can feel. Throw in "romance is just a social construct" and I'm ready to flip a table in frustration trying to describe romantic attraction. At this point, it seems to comes down to how you feel about that attraction you’re feeling towards the person. “You just know” so to speak.

I've actually done a bit of thinking lately, and it's got me wondering, not for the first time, if half the crushes I've had were not romantic attraction. Because, something just feels different about those past crushes in comparison to crushes that I know were romantic attraction. I can't even describe that difference, especially since it's been awhile since I had one of those crushes that I'm not sure is romantic or not. So I'll just describe how my crushes are.

I become very fixated on the person. I want to look at them all the time. I want to be around them all the time. If it's a celebrity-type crush, I'll want to seek out media they're in. Look up any interviews, learn as much as I can about them, etc. I think about them a lot. Mainly of them being there with me. I want to hug/cuddle them. Like, a lot. I'm not big on kissing so I rarely if ever feel any desire for that. I get really, really happy seeing them. Warmth in my chest, smile a lot. Stuff like that.

When it's someone I'm confirmed romantically attracted to, I am all of the above, with the added bonus of romantic fantasies involving me with the person. These usually fall in line with the typical romantic tropes you see in novels/movies. That person comes straight to mind whenever a love song plays. I even mentally replace my last name with theirs to see how it sounds. (Mostly for shits and giggles, but the fact remains I still do that.) Half my crushes did not contain any of this, which is why I'm thinking half my crushes weren't romantic attraction at all. BUT they don't "feel" platonic either. Not to mention the fact I'm a cis woman and have only had crushes on men. It does not make sense to me that I'd only experience platonic attraction towards men, especially since all my close friends have been women (my boyfriend the only exception). Maybe it’s alterous attraction I felt towards them but trying to understand alterous attraction also makes me feel like flipping a table. So I’ve given up altogether.

There is one thing people associate with romantic attraction that I don't experience, and that's jealousy. For some reason, I never get jealous whenever I see a crush with their partner, or find out they have a partner. To me that's just a fun fact. Like, equivalent to finding out they have a sibling. I'd rather not see them kiss, not because I'm jealous but because seeing people kiss makes me feel uncomfortable.

I'm not sure if any of that answered your question, but that's how my crushes roll. Hopefully it was somewhat helpful!

[potatopossums]

I get icky sometimes about touching people I'm not attracted to physically (and even then that's complicated).

Not sure why it happens, but i figured it's a relatable sentiment to someone and i just wanted to put it out there as a "you're not alone" type sentiment.

Like, i have a couple friends i would definitely hold their hands platonically, maybe even queerplatonically, just no sex. Comfort hugs and touch would be okay for me too. Over time, i might become more comfortable with doing things like light snuggling (aka falling asleep on their shoulder in the car, or using their lap as a pillow during movie time). But that's the extent that i can imagine now.

Then i have a friend that i would definitely love to hold hands with for like, giddy purposes. Sensual purposes. If they tickled me i might die of blush and idk, mental squeals of "please kiss me everywhere help." Very special favorite person purposes. Plus sexy. If we got into a tickle fight irl i know my dumb brain would immediately be like "pls top me right now, flip me over and do me." Very all over the place. Uncontrollable emotion, just pops up uninvited, i am dead.

And y'all that is such a confusing feeling to me. As if i need to clarify that it's confusing lol.

Because it makes me question myself. Am i aromantic if i feel like that? Because a lot of people would qualify that as romantic feelings. What really matters, of course, is what I think of my own feelings. But even that is kind of difficult to say.

I kind of just deflect from trying to label them most of the time because it just doesn't seem very useful. It doesn't really make me feel better to say "oh they're Aromantic Feelings to me so they're fine." It feels better and more practical to say "i don't know what label best fits these feelings, but i enjoy feeling this way and I'd like to keep doing things with this person that make me feel this way."

What is that? I don't know. I'm not sure it's significant. I enjoy having flirt fights with this friend. I'm not sure what they'd classify these conversations as. But i think they're easily very teasing with underlying affection, and honestly i love that. It's playful and fun. Sometimes i do wish for more soft and explicit affection, but teasing and play flirting and verbal wrestling is also a form of affection to me. Especially when the internet and COVID prohibit physical meetups for real hugs and wrestling matches. I hope those will come eventually too.

Something about it reminds me of a sibling relationship. I never had siblings growing up; the closest i had were cousins who were 5 years older than me. When i was younger, we played lots of fun games, tickling games, sensory games, things that you do with young kids. I think I'm realizing just how much i miss those things, and just how much i miss knowing that my cousins would always be there for me, and that their lives and attention and friendship with me wouldn't be overtaken by school, family, and boyfriends. I felt further and further away from them as time passed, even though I just wanted to be by their side and have fun like we always did. They became less and less available. And what was i supposed to do to fill that void? Well, amatanormativity can give you a hint. If my cousins were out getting boyfriends, well then i was supposed to do that too, eventually.

But that kind of sucked, even though I got lots of praise from my family for obtaining a boyfriend, especially ones they approved of or thought were attractive.

Ugh. It's exhausting to remember. And all i ever wanted was their approval. Their support. Their love. I wanted them to compliment me and enjoy being around me. I wanted them to support me. God, i was hurting so much, and i didn't even know it.

And now I'm looking at my friends, feeling confused, sorting through this same confusion over and over, more and more. Wanting to grasp for something that slipped through my fingers a long time ago, wanting to let go of a lie i was taught to believe since childhood. Trying to temper all that with patience.

Existence is weird. Attraction is weird. You're definitely not the only one who feels constantly amoebus and unsure. Maybe we feel that way because that's what we are. And maybe that's okay.

[woagdiscourse]

Dating as a c!Quackity Introject : My Experience

1 : briefly explaining myself and my polycule 2 : the story of my relationship 3 : how does source effect this relationship 4 : what is it like dating in - system, what is a in - sys polycule like?

disclaimer : this post is not discourse-related, and i invite any other plurals / headmates to talk about their relationship experience. introject or not

sect. 1 : who am i?

i'm quackity from las nevadas, and i use he/it/clove/spade pronouns. i am an autism symptom holder, companion headmate, and willogenic headmate. i don't mind sharing this information, as it is not relevant enough on our main blog to be linked back to there.

i have two husbands and a queer platonic partner, all within the same system as myself. my husbands are sapnap and karl, and my queerplatonic boyfriend is charli / slime.

sect. 2 : the story of my relationship / polycule

our system formed me and sapnap somewhat intentionally- with permission from our primary fragment manager. we were formed "vaguely" because of karl.

while karl had no active part in this aside from missing us, others in the system thought he deserved to not have to miss us. and thus : me and sapnap were formed as companion headmates. our trio are all companions to each other, and our relationship is 100 % healthy.

i want to reiterate that me and sapnap were not formed specifically for karl to date. when we were formed, he only vaguely knew we were engaged in source, and karl made it abundantly clear when re-meeting us that he was happy to just be friends.

we started dating soon after me and sapnap formed, because in the midst of re-meeting each other, and a mess of source-related feelings that have since been resolved, we figured out and / or developed romantic feelings.

i'll admit, it didn't take very long for the three of us to call each other fiancés- hell, we still call ourselves the fiancé sidesystem, though we may be changing it to the engagement sidesystem.

before it's asked : we did not have a wedding in innerworld. we did, however, have our own "ceremony" to make the marriage official.

sect. 2.5 : charli

charli formed because the brain was attempting to help me cope with feelings of missing my best friend. since i was formed, i've dealt with issues of missing charli and las nevadas

to spare you the details of how we got together - as those are irrelevant - we did become official partners a month or so ago.

sect. 3 : how does / did source affect our relationship?

of course, because exomemories affect us all individually, they're bound to affect our relationships.

me and my husbands' relationship started with an awkward and difficult conversation. while karl has never had as many memories as me and sapnap, he was still a vital part of the conversation. we explained our "drama" to him, and the three of us have since resolved the conflict.

we were and still are very lucky that we all have the same events of source. me and sapnap remember the events of me leaving as similarly as two people in outerworld remembering the same event would, and we're grateful for that because it makes the explanation of emotions a little easier.

as for me and charli, our source relationship has less of an impact on our current relationship because of the differing natures of the relations. i like to make the comparisons using fandom terminology of "best friends to lovers" for me and charli, as it is best for our polycule to treat source events as though they happened here.

as of now: exomemories serve as a sense of reminiscing / history between us, as most [if not all] source-related conflict has been resolved.

sect. 4 : what is it like being in an in-system polycule?

this is probably the only part anyone actually wants to read, but this is my post and i get to decide what i want to say and when. /lh

dating within our own system presents a unique relationship dynamic, in which we are literally inside each other's heads. this can be for better or for worse.

while we can often hear each other's thoughts, or communicate in vague notions, direct communication is still important to us. if we do something that is considered a "fuck up" or is uncomfortable by one of our partners, we're usually able to tell immediately as those feelings will "cross over" to ourselves. however, it's still important to communicate- as those "crossover feelings" can often be mistaken for others, especially if we're multitasking.

even with our arrangement, we place high value on direct communication. this communication can manifest in outerworld as typing to each other in discord, or in innerworld as simply having a conversation before dinner.

personally, i much prefer in-system relationships. they're easier for me, as well as my partners. however this is down to personal preference

i'm aware this adds no real value to the conversation, but i do appreciate anyone who read the entire post. thank you :] /gen

[true-autistic-tales]

screw it, im coining/making a term cuz I couldn't find one for myself (im only doing this once >:{)

~edit: ima quickly reword this because i realize how dog shat this sounds and cuz i am beginning to understand my actual emotions towards romance. so basically, from my experience, i *solely* experience romantic repulsion towards real people(/folk), like if my friend told me "you and [real person(/folk)] would look cute together" in any way, joking or serious, i would be disgusted like "EWWW WTF" every single time, but if my friend said "you and [fictional character], would look cute together" i would be perfectly fine, even lovestruck for said fictional character like "hell yeah, we would be the best power couple to ever exist!!" i have no idea why i only find real people(/folk) romantically repulsive but i do, so ill just enjoy my life in peace with my fictional boyfriends while laughing at real couples.~

apothikontásexual

apothikontásexual, or just apothikontáace, is a sexual orientation where a person (or folk) is sexually repulsed by everything except individuals who they're sure they can never be in a "real" sexual relationship with, such as fictional characters, celebrities, objects, or people who they know would never reciprocate their feelings back and may imagine what it would be like with said individual.

people who identify as apothikontásexual can be any type of sexuality and may be other types of apothikontá attraction, romantic, platonic, queerplatonic, alterous, ect.

apothi is from the Greek word "apothisan", meaning repulsed.

kontá is Greek for near or close.

(in my opinion, for easier understanding, apothikontásexual is a mix of both apothisexual and proculsexual)

apothikontáromantic

apothikontáromantic, or just apothikontáaro, is a romantic orientation where a person (or folk) is romantically repulsed by everything except individuals who they're sure they can never be in a "real" romantic relationship with, such as fictional characters, celebrities, objects, or people who they know would never reciprocate their feelings back and may imagine what it would be like with said individual.

people who identify as apothikontáromantic can be any type of romantic orientation and may be other types of apothikontá attraction, sexual, platonic, queerplatonic, alterous, ect.

apothi is from the Greek word "apothisan", meaning repulsed.

kontá is Greek for near or close.

(in my opinion, for easier understanding, apothikontáromantic is a mix of both apothiromantic and proculromantic)

[lesbiansanemi]

Hey, this might be an odd request, but could you just like... ramble about queerplatonicness? Like. What it means to you (if you're comfy w/ that), how you experience and interpret it (again, comfiness), how one could come to realize they're in a QPR or want one, etc.

I definitely personally prefer Queerplatonic relationships over romantic or sexual ones, but like. I don't really know how to differentiate QPRs from friendship?? I'd just like some insight to maybe help formulate things better in my head and to write since everything is so romance based. Perfectly alright if this is too personal and you delete the ask, have a good day regardless!

Ahh! It's no trouble at all. I'm never gonna mind people asking about this kind of thing, I'm more than happy to share my experiences.

So I'm asexual and somewhere on the aromantic spectrum, so my relationship with attraction has always been... different and confusing. I remember the first time I got invited to a sleepover (mostly out of pity of the parents, ngl lmao) when I was about ten, and the girls all decided to play truth or dare and they asked me who I had a crush on, refused to believe me when I said I didn't have one, and pressed and pressed until I got freaked out and started crying and my mom had to pick me up. So I uh... I definitely always knew I was pretty different regarding that kind of thing, even if I never knew why for the longest time. I learned what asexuality was at fifteen and that clicked immediately, and then realized I was somewhere on the aromantic spectrum about... two years ago or so? But way way before that, I knew I never wanted to get married, I never wanted to have sex, I just never wanted... that. Even as a very young kid.

So when I eventually learned what queerplatonic relationships were, I became very interested in them, because they always made sense to me. My friends were always the most important people in my life, and I can say with a lot of confidence that that isn't ever going to change, but there is a bit of a difference between my standard friendships, and relationships I consider queerplatonic.

I have two relationships that are considered queerplatonic. To anyone outside of my immediate group of friends, I refer to these two people as my best friend, and my partner, just because I don't have the energy to explain this kind of thing to every coworker who inquires about my personal life and that kinda thing. But both of these people are very important to me.

I met my best friend when she moved to my high school our senior year, and we clicked immediately. A lot of people assumed we were secretly dating or would start dating soon (including my family, which led to some... ah... fun scenarios). She also had a long time boyfriend when we met (they actually recently just got married! I was the minister at their wedding), so a good chunk of people also assumed it was a poly relationship, or that she was cheating on him with me, unfortunately (all three of us think it's funny though and definitely feed into it at times, it doesn't bother any of us). She's one of the very few people that I'm touchy with (not that you can't be touchy with people based entirely on platonic feelings, but I generally am pretty touch-repulsed unless it's by very specific people). We cuddle, hold hands, give each other kisses (though not on the mouth), sleep together. We tell people we're in love and literally call each other soulmates. I've lived with her and her husband before, and we've recently talked about me moving closer to them again. We plan our lives together, because we want to always be involved as closely as possible in each other's lives. She is probably the most important person in my life, but we are not romantic. We've never felt that way about each other, but we definitely feel a bond stronger than purely "platonic."

The other person I have a queerplatonic relationship with is my partner. We met a little over a year ago, and clicked very quickly as well. Our relationship is much closer to romantic than platonic, and I could see this one eventually changing to be a purely romantic relationship. I feel different about them than I do about my friends, and even the best friend I talked about above, but because of my asexuality and aromanticism, I don't feel like I feel the same about her as an allo person would feel in this situation. Just like with my best friend, we cuddle, hold hands, etc etc. We've planned a lot of things together, but because we're more "explicitly romantic" people see that as more "normal" and don't ever question it. But to me, it still feels queerplatonic.

So for me, a queerplatonic relationship is a relationship born of what starts out as friendship or romance, but just feels different, in one way or another. We plan our lives together, but things like marriage? Nope, not for us. Honestly, I think a relationship is whatever the people involved in it decide. You say it's romantic even if you don't do traditional romance things? Then it's romantic. You say it's platonic even if you do things that would normally constitute romance? Then it's platonic. The same is true for queerplatonic relationships. If you and the other person(s) want it to be queerplatonic and decide it is? Then guess what? It's queerplatonic.

These are just my personal feelings and experiences with it though. I don't think anyone's is exactly the same, and that's perfectly alright! Relationships are messy, and it never does well to shove them into perfectly neat little squares where "XYZ action means you're in an XYZ type of relationship."

Anyways, I really hope this helps, and if you ever have any more questions, I'd be more than happy to answer them :D