#this episode is just solid gold all around

[respectthepetty]

The Loyal Pin - Episode 7

Thankfully, two comments last week spared me from believing that Anin had really left Pin without saying bye, but just like Pink Person Pin, I felt I was owed some babying for the mental anguish I had to suffer, and Blue Beauty Anin delivered.

Well, until the goodbyes started again!

Pin gifting Anin the pillowcase with the pink flowers and the blue "P" pulled on my heartstrings.

But I really felt all the emotions once Prik started tearing up when Anin said Pin wouldn't be saying bye.

BUT PIN WAS STANDING THERE WATCHING THE CAR LEAVE IN PINK AND A PURPLE SKIRT OF LINES WHICH IS THEIR COLORS COMBINED WITH ANIN'S LINE AND STRIPES THEME!

Before this series started, I thought Pin was going to fight this love and lose her color, but she proved this entire episode that she lives and breathes for her girl, so as much as her mom/aunt/caretaker stresses me out with her getting out her color, I trust my Pink Person!

Pin is not only solid in her color this episode, but solid in her love for Anin.

Even when she would momentarily lose her color due to something someone would say (like her mama constantly mentioning marriage),

Pin would bounce right back!

All these other girls wanna be a Pink Person *cough* Aon *cough*

And even though I wanted to believe this was a dream because THE AUDACITY, I'm glad these color-coded girls in love were handing everyone their marching orders and asses.

And in style too because when Pin told Kankuea she would never like him, she did it in a pink- and blue-striped top because Anin is always with her!

Even the older color-coded brother, who I've been told to trust, understood this week's mission.

Tell these people they ain't worthy of a princess!

There is only one person who is the right one for the loyal and royal Blue Beauty.

Who is her loyal Pink Person Pin!

And Pin consistently showed it in her floral pink and blue skirt!

By knitting Anin a scarf in her pink-lines skirt.

Wearing a pink and purple-lines skirt after graduation.

Wearing purple and a flannel skirt when she sat next to the guy she knows likes her but ignores all his advances.

AND DRIVING A BLUE CAR!

Because, once again, even when Pin's color fades a bit after not hearing from Anin.

She is still thinking of her with a blue-lines scarf tied around her neck.

And counting down the days until she can see her again on her color-code calendar.

I'm sorry I ever doubted you Pin. You're a real one.

Which is why you deserve those pearl earrings Anin gifted you with your and her initials on them because you always carry her with you.

It's also why she wrote you that amazing letter in the blue-lined box in a blue envelope, with a pink "P & A" seal, and the silver and gold pins on it WITH YOUR BUNNY!

And it's why she returns to you time and time again.

So as stressed as I know I'm going to be watching this love story unfold as the class dynamic start pushing down on the girls, both brothers married a Pink Person,

And, as they say, good things come in threes!

[ghoststyles]

Meet Me In Augusta

A quick little check-in for Fairway to Heaven ❤️ inspired by my beefy hunky man at the Masters 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

SMUT. FLUFF. That’s all.

———————————————————————————

When Briar and Harry first got together, she thought she’d won the lottery. A doting, strong boyfriend who puts her needs above his own. He cares for her dog as much as she does, gets along with her family members, and donates to charity regularly. It’s like the heavens handmade him. And yes, the reverse is true on Harry’s part. She’s his dream girl, and the bloody best thing to ever happen to him. But, where he’d truly won the lottery differs slightly:

He won tickets to the Masters.

It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity to attend one of the four major golf tournaments, and when Harry entered his name in the lottery system the year before, he never thought he’d see the day where his bucket list item would be checked off.

Briar is lounging on Harry’s couch, watching old episodes of Real Housewives (NY, obviously) with Gus at her feet and a bowl of popcorn and M&Ms beside her when she hears a completely manly and dignified shriek from Harry’s office. Sitting up in alarm, she opens her mouth to yell back to him, to make sure he’s okay, just as the heavy oak double doors swing open. Shirtless and in his Calvin Klein boxer briefs and socks, Harry sprints down the hall, phone in hand as he leaps over the back of the sofa to stand beside her.

“What on Earth! Harry, you’re scaring me! Is there a mouse? Where are your clothes?” Briar screams, jumping up to crouch on the sofa and cocooning herself in her blanket in case there’s a spider clinging to him.

Harry is laughing maniacally, and every so often an oh my god leaving his mouth. He nods to whomever he’s talking to on the phone as if they can see him before thanking them and hanging up.

He drops the phone, eyes wide and meeting hers. Grabbing her shoulders, he all but tackles her back to the sofa, signaling Gus to bark at him for hurting his mom. They’re on the settee part of the sofa, Harry’s arms wrapped around her, preventing her from moving, even if she wanted to.

“Harry! Tell me what’s going on right now!” Briar’s shrill voice finally brings him back to Earth.

He peppers kisses on her neck before shouting in her ear, “I’M GOING TO THE MASTERS!”

She doesn’t respond, not because she’s not supportive of his enthusiasm, but because she has no idea what that is. Feigning a smile, she replies, “wow, baby, that’s great!”

Craning his neck, his brows furrow when he meets her gaze, a clear indicator she’s confused.

“Birdie, do you know what the Masters is?”

“Mmmm, is it like MasterChef?”

Harry squawks out a laugh, shaking his head, “No, my love. The Masters is one of the big four golf tournaments for the PGA. When you win, you earn a green jacket and become a member of Augusta National in Georgia. And then you get to plan a celebration dinner. Plus, you win like, $3,000,000.”

“Ohhhh, okay, yes. Uncle Patrick has gone to that, I think. He didn’t win, though.”

Harry’s brows furrow even more, a bewildered look gracing his features, “We’ll come back to that later. I have a lot of questions. But, you enter a lottery to win tickets and I won! Otherwise, tickets are almost a million dollars.”

“A million dollars!? The course better be made of solid gold. I can’t even believe the stuff people spend their money on sometimes.”

“Tiger Woods will be there. He hasn’t played in a few years because of injuries. Baby, I could be near Tiger!” he smacks her ass, eliciting a yelp.

He hops up from his spot on the sofa as he looks outside with the biggest smile on his face, running his hands through his not-so-there curls on his head. He’d shaved it a few months ago impulsively; that was a crisis Briar never thought she’d see the other side of. But his peach fuzzy head grew on her.

“When is it?”

“Second weekend in April. Are you doing anything?”

“Me? Why wouldn’t you take Niall?”

“He and Lydia already have a wedding that weekend back in Ireland. I already asked him.”

“So, I’m your second choice!?” Briar smacks the sofa cushion beside her, faking offense.

Harry rolls his eyes, “You didn’t even know what it was five minutes ago, brat.”

She parrots his eye rolling, leaning down to snuggle Gus. They’re quiet for a moment, letting Harry soak in the news.

“Wait, why don’t you have clothes on?”

“Oh, I stripped them off as they were telling me I got the tickets. I was just too excited,” he responds casually, as if the answer is obvious.

———————————————————————————

So the pair is in Augusta, Georgia, watching Harry’s childhood dream come true. The problem? No phones allowed.

To maintain their traditional values, Augusta National banned the use of cellphones. Briar’s lovely boyfriend failed to remind her of this fact until they were in the back of an Uber heading to the course.

“No phones!? I wanted to document this whole experience for you!” She whines, gently squeezing his wrist.

“Thanks for wanting to do that, Birdie, but it’s okay. My generation isn’t addicted to their phones. We like to live in the moment.”

“Oh my god,” she snorts, punching him lightly. If anyone is on their phone too much, it’s Harry. His entire day is determined by solving the New York Times Connections puzzle. What do you MEAN the theme was ice cream flavors without the last letter?

“What if we get separated? How will I find you?”

“Did you pack your leash?” Harry smirks, waiting for her to smack him again.

“H! Quiet,” she snarls, trying not to look if the driver is listening. “Fine. Do they collect the phones or do they just kick you out if they see it?”

“I think they kick you out and you’re not allowed back, ever. There’s also no running. It’s hilarious. When everyone is trying to follow around the big names, it turns into a speed walking competition to try and beat them to the hole.”

She hums, looking out the window at the gorgeous scenery. She hasn’t spent much time down south, but this trip has changed her opinion of this part of the country. They’ve had beautiful dinners at night on patios and taken walks on historic grounds.

“Good news is, the food and drinks are super cheap, and I think you have some French 75’s calling your name.”

“Yesss!”

The Uber turns, the beautiful gates to the course opening as they pull in. The white building before them is gorgeous and neatly kept, embodying the prestige of the entire event. For a moment, she thinks Harry is tearing up. Harry snaps a photo of the two of them in front of the building to send to Niall and Patrick.

He grabs her hand and squeezes gently as he flashes their credentials to the security guard.

“Lead the way, baby,” Briar whispers, linking her arm with his as they stand outside the car, taking it all in.

Like a kid in a candy store, Harry drags her by the wrist, slaloming through the crowds of people as they all try to make it to the entrance.

Harry looks fucking good today. He’s donning a navy blue sweater on top of a cobalt blue golf shirt. His taupe pinstripe pants are pressed perfectly. His fingers are decked out in rings of all different finishes, and his Prada sunglasses fit his scruffy face perfectly.

The finishing touch, his shoes, are what has Briar giggling to herself. His black Hoka sneakers are throwing off the whole vibe. She tried to change his mind as they packed, but we’ll be walking a lot, and I don’t want my plantar fasciitis to come back!

To make the occasion even more special, Briar let Harry pick out her outfits. She knew he’d pick out her lavender sports dress, a classic piece she whips out when they play on weekends so he’s frustrated and thrown off his game. She’s 3 for 4 on this strategy.

Harry loves the way it cuts at Briar’s strong thighs, and shows a little bit of her back. To elevate the look, she tied a white Hermes scarf around her neck just like Daphne! Her shoes are white Vince Camuto sneakers with no support. She knows she can’t whine later if her feet hurt, in fear of hearing a relentless, I told you so!

Before examining his choices in her suitcase, she zeros in on the lack of underwear and bras. She knows he also picked her floor length, black bodycon dress. He’s really pushing the limits of voyeurism with these picks.

They finally make it past security, thankful they didn’t confiscate her purse, a gift from Harry that is just a smidgen too large for their rules. He leads them to the main clubhouse to grab their first drinks of the day, and maybe even a breakfast sandwich.

They start off with mimosas to ease into the day drinking, because Harry is too fucking old for daydrinking and Briar is a menace when she drinks when the sun is up. By their third round, Harry is full on fangirling as all the players buzz around him. He’s allowed to fangirl all he wants, but when she wants to gush about One Direction for a minute, he covers his ears. Eyeroll.

Briar snaps out of her brattiness, deciding she needs some food in her stomach. As they’re gathered on the 8th hole, she starts to “koala” him, as he so lovingly calls it. She wraps her arms around him from behind, laying her chin on his bicep.

“What’s wrong, Birdie? Hungry?”

Briar lightly bites his arm, looking up to meet his sideways gaze. Part of her hates how well he knows her. She slides her hands in his front pockets, making him wiggle uncomfortably.

“Be good,” he says lowly so only they can hear.

“Okay, Daddy,” she says sweetly, smiling up at him. “But yes, I’m hungry.”

Briar can feel him hesitate, clearly conflicted in what to do next.

“Okay, baby, but,” he pauses. “Tiger is at this hole next, and I’d really like to see it.”

Briar slumps, making a slight hmmph sound. She knows better, and knows how important this is to him, so she shakes it off.

“It’s alright, I can go back to the clubhouse by myself. Will you stay here so I don’t lose you?”

“Of course,” he leans down to gently peck her lips, before his head whips around as Tiger arrives at the tee box just a few feet from them, sending the crowd into a chaotic roar. She reluctantly lets go of his waist, crossing her arms over herself as she walks away.

The crowd has only increased as they arrived, and she’s honestly overwhelmed. A staff member nearby can sense her unsettled demeanor, so he asks if she’d like a ride back to the building.

She smiles at him, “Yes, that’d be lovely! Thank you so much.”

Trey, the worker, doesn't say much, but Briar isn’t one for awkward silences. She tells him about Harry, Wynnewood, and how this is a lifelong dream for him to be here. He nods along, visibly recoiling after finding out Briar isn’t single. She hops off the cart as they approach the doors, and waves a friendly goodbye.

Perusing the snack bar, her eyes are bigger than her stomach. She grabs grapes, potato chips, a turkey sandwich, and even a pudding cup. A nice man helps her condense her items into a cardboard box for carrying. She grabs a fresh squeezed lemonade to finish off her deliciously simple lunch.

Slightly tipsy and overly giddy, she finds a bench to start eating. It’s amazing the different walks of life at this event; the die-hards who don’t care about the glamor of it all, and the ones that are here only as a status symbol. It’s honestly nice not having her phone; she’s a little more in touch with her surroundings.

Taking small bites of her sandwich, she’s startled when another man approaches her on the bench.

“Pardon me, miss. Are you Miss Barlowe?”

Taken back, she nods as she swallows her bite, “Yes, can I help you?”

“Mr. Styles is on the line over there,” he points to the hilariously old fashioned phone stand, where 3 mossy green phones hang on the wooden stand. “He just wanted to make sure you were doing alright.”

Briar smiles, patting her mouth with her napkin and rising to her feet, “Thank you so much. Do I have to do anything to connect to the call?”

“Just press # and it should connect. I’ll be right over there if you have trouble.”

She laughs to herself as she approaches and presses the ‘#’ just as he said, “Hello?”

“What are you wearing right now?”

“Who is this?” She plays along.

“Your handsome, charming boyfriend,” he muses.

“I have a few of those, so you’re going to have to narrow it down,” she fakes a sultry tone.

“Briar – come on, you know I don’t like those jokes,” he mutters.

She laughs, twirling the curly phone cord around in her hand, “I feel like Carrie Bradshaw with this phone, talking to one of my boyfriends.”

“Are you insinuating I’m Mr. Big? I’m Aidan at the very least. The good guy.”

“Of course you’re Aidan. But instead, we get married.”

“Yeah, y’wanna marry me?” Harry can’t contain his grin as he looks around to see if anyone can hear him. “I won’t say yes until you come back here and get down on one knee, Briar.”

“In your dreams, Styles. Why’d ya call anyway? I’m just sitting here eating my sandwich.”

“Just missed you. Tiger got a birdie on this hole, so it made me think of you.”

“Aw, you’re cute. You’re the first place boyfriend today. You were in third yesterday, for reference.”

“Glad to hear that. Finish up your lunch and come find me. I’m gonna go to the 17th hole to try and catch Justin Rose. He’s an old friend from home.”

“Okay, I’ll come find you. Love.”

“Love.”

Briar hangs up the phone, the butterflies in her stomach buzzing. Since returning home from California, she’s never felt so secure in their relationship. He’s balancing fatherhood, work and their everyday life with ease.

Readjusting her skirt, she walks back over to the bench, mouthing a thank you to the worker who let her know Harry was calling. She sips on her lemonade, the ice rattling as she finishes the cup. Tossing the remnants of her meal in the trash, she spots the beverage cart girl. Briar smiles as she approaches her, requesting another French 75 and a Casamigos on the rocks for her lover.

The 17th hole is a hell of a lot closer to the clubhouse, but swarmed with people. It’s going to be a needle in a haystack to find him. Briar scrunches her brows, scanning all the kinda old white men with brown hair. Where is her old man?

Panic sets in for a moment, until she feels two hands on her waist, lifting her off the ground slightly and kissing her neck where it meets her shoulder.. She squeals, reaching for her skirt to make sure nothing is showing. He didn’t pack her any underwear, after all!

“There y’are, Birdie. Wish I brought your leash to drag my cute puppy around. Make everyone jealous.”

“They’d think you need to be sent to jail, actually. Were you able to focus in my absence?”

“Yeah, but I missed your hundred questions and commentary. Is that for me?” he asks, pointing to his drink.

“Yes, but you made me spill it on my shirt,” she frowns, her gaze traveling down to the beads of liquid wicking off the fabric on her chest.

Without a second thought, Harry leans down, pressing his mouth to just over Briar’s nipple to suck up the dribbled liquid. Her eyes widened, in disbelief he just did that. She grips the back of his hair, pulling him out of her bosom.

“H! What the hell are you doing? We’re in public!”

“Mm, I know. I’m so hard right now. And thirsty. Saw an opportunity,” he smirks, his grip now around the back of her neck. “Wanna take you to the clubhouse and fuck you dumb.”

“Harryyy,” Briar whines again. Little does he know all he has to do is slip her skort to the side to reveal her soaking wet pussy. She does her best to drag her six foot tall boyfriend to the treeline, hiding themselves from prying eyes.

“Let’s go. We’ll find somewhere safe. Daddy needs you to do a favor for him,” he says low in her ear, his tongue touching her earlobe. “Did I tell you how happy I am that you came with me?”

“I’m happy you invited me,” she places a gentle kiss on his lips. “Love seeing you happy.”

———————————————————————————

The lovey dovey talk is how Briar got HOODWINKED into sucking her boyfriend’s cock in an administrator’s office at Augusta National Golf Course at the biggest event of the year. The door locked, thankfully, but the amount of foot traffic outside the door has Briar’s head spinning, even more than when his tip touches the back of her throat.

Harry lets out a guttural moan, “Oh my – fuck! Such a good fucking girl.”

Briar is pulling out her signature moves; cupping his balls with one hand, tweaking his shaft with the other when her mouth doesn’t cover it, and swirling her tongue along the ridge of his bright red, plump cockhead.

Briar bats her eyelashes and pulls off just as he gives his sign of completion; his left thigh muscle twitching. Harry’s eyes shoot open as he grips the desk to prevent himself from falling over. He was so, so close.

Before he can speak, Briar stands, pushing him to half lie on the desktop, opening his belt and pants wider. She climbs on the desk to straddle him, staring down at him deviously.

“Wanna ride you, Daddy,” she whispers in his ear. She sits back up, pulling her skort to the side to show him her pussy, spasming and begging to be touched. He reaches out to touch her, but she bats his hand away, instead placing her hand around his neck firmly. “Nope. No touching.”

Harry snorts, knowing anytime she’s tried to be in charge, she fails miserably. He knows she’ll be howling for his help in a few minutes. His smug look is wiped clean as she grips his cock again to line him up with her dripping hole. They moan in unison when he pushes through the tight opening as she squeezes him for good measure.

Briar bounces lightly, the skin of their thighs slapping together. She could listen to the sounds their bodies make for the rest of her life. He bottoms out a few times, puffs of air escaping his nose as he struggles to not cum immediately.

She starts to rub at her clit, her free hand coming up to tweak her nipple. His eyes are closed again, so she takes her middle and ring finger that are rubbing and sticks them past his lips. He moans, lapping up the wetness from her fingertips and choking on them a bit. She smiles before bringing the fingers back to her center and continuing to rub.

“Oh my god, baby. You taste so good,” Harry whines. “Want you to come. Then I’ll come in your little pussy. Don’t know how you’ll hold it all in there.”

Briar cries out, seconds away from tumbling over the edge. She leans forward, gripping the desk above his head. They’re making extreme eye contact now, the tension between them palpable.

“I’m cumming, Daddy. I’m cumming. Your cock feels so big in my pussy,” she cries out as Harry feels a tiniest bit of wetness expelled from where their bodies meet. She twitches, barely able to hold herself up. He sits up on the desk to support her and begins thrusting up into her with his hands wrapped delicately around her body, fingertips digging into the plushy skin of her ass and waist. He captures her lips in a deep kiss, her breath stuttering when he rams himself back into her.

The two remain intertwined, reality hitting them when Briar utters words he never thought he’d hear from her.

“Fuck me, Daddy. Fill me up. Make me yours. Wanna have your babies,” she fires off things he can’t even comprehend. “Want you to make me a mommy. Fuck – want it so bad. Fill me up, please!”

Harry’s breath is knocked out of him as he throttles upward, his tip colliding with her cervix every time. As he topples over the edge, he buries himself in her pussy – his eternal resting place, he’s decided he’ll request in his will – and releases his full load into her. He drops backwards, beginning her down to lie on top of him, his pants now hanging around his ankles.

“Oh my fucking GOD, baby. So fucking good for me,” he says into her ear, a shiver running down his spine.

“Love you, Daddy,” she says quietly, her ear pressed to his chest so she can hear his heartbeat racing.

“Love you so fucking much, Birdie,” Harry sighs, petting her back.

Harry smiles to himself. The diamond ring he has in his bag at the hotel is going to make an appearance even sooner than expected.

He’s sure of it.

[risingchaos]

Explanation of Cuff Bands in Star Trek (The Original Series and Strange New Worlds)

Pips TNG onward explained + details of what each rank does

In TOS, they hadn’t figured out the pip system yet, so they did wrist bands to signify rank instead. It’s not nearly as straightforward as the pips, but once you get a hang of it, it helps tons. Plus they rarely call anyone by their rank in TOS, often going by mister or miss. This will mostly have close ups of TOS characters.

Now, Starfleet is based upon the U.S. Navy, so the names used are those. I’ve broken down the ranks in greater detail in the post linked above, so this one is just for knowing the ranking of each band and a brief explanation.

If you just want to know the look, there is a guide at the end for you. :)

—————

Description of the line looks for anyone who needs it: Dashed lines are long gold dashes perpendicular to the cuff, curving slightly upwards on one side and downwards on the other for each dash, like the shape of an eraser on its side. Solid lines are a straight gold band perpendicular to the cuff with another solid gold line wrapped around it. It almost looks like the two are intertwined. Bars are explained briefly later for Admirals, but they look like one straight gold band with two of the previously mentioned solid lines pressed against each side on the top and bottom with no space between.

For Strange New Worlds, replace any mention of a dashed line a thin straight line and any mention of a solid line as a thick straight line. I have not found any actual explanation for Admirals in SNW, but they have different Starfleet badges.

Cadet - Uniform Distinction

As far as I know we don’t actually meet any in TOS, but we do in SNW. In basically all Star Trek media, cadets wear red/all red uniforms. Cadets are people still in the Academy, not yet graduated. They can still serve on ships for training, however. Cadet Uhura is a lovely example of this.

Petty Officer - Insufficient Information

I am not sure if Petty Officers exist in TOS or appear in SNW, I searched for a while to find solid proof. The closest I could find for TOS was that maybe in The Motion Picture there was a Petty Officer with a triangle insignia, and that there was a character named Samno in Star Trek VI who was a PO and a Yeoman. If anyone can confirm/deny/offer anything, I will add it to this.

Yeoman

Yeoman are assistants in Starfleet. They’re only used in TOS, and their system is kind of strange. You can hold a ranked position while still being a Yeoman, shown through an unnamed character who had Junior Lieutenant markings on her sleeve while being addressed as a Yeoman. They generally are Ensigns, however.

Ensign - Blank sleeve

Ensigns have blank sleeves. I think this is probably for practicality for budget reasons in TOS, but most background actors are ensigns. Ensigns are graduates from the Academy and just anyone who hasn’t climbed the chain yet.

Lieutenants

Junior Lieutenant - Single dashed [•]

The only example I could find was a man named Joe Tormolen from the episode “The Naked Time” as the guy who dies at the start. Junior Lieutenants feature a singular dotted line on the cuffs.

Lieutenant - Single solid [~]

Most crew members we see are Lieutenants. Lieutenants are working consoles, navigating, going on away teams. Hikaru Sulu and Nyota Uhura in TOS.

Lieutenant Commander - Single dashed, single solid [•~]

Lieutenant Commanders are integral to running the ship. Heads of departments and the ones who run day to day activities aboard the ship. Chief Engineer Montgomery “Scotty” Scott was one of these.

Commander - Two solid [~~]

The First Officer on the ship. This is second in command, the right hand to the Captain. In TOS, our Commander Spock is also the head of the science department.

Captain - Single solid, single dashed, single solid [~•~]

Captains we all know. They are the head of the ship, the man who has to keep it level and realistic at all times, though our lovely Captain Kirk isn’t exactly known for level-headedness. He also has the green wraparound shirt that has the V shaped gold detailing by the neckline with a small gold line between.

Admirals

Admirals have an extra silly thing. They have a bar. It looks like if you smushed two of the solid bars together with a straight gold piece between. Admirals usually have different uniforms but they honestly change rather frequently. We meet Admirals few and far between in any ST show, but I’ve put them below nonetheless.

Here is a complete guide to each wrist cuff design in Starfleet’s early days, excluding Cadets, Petty Officers, and Ensigns.

A dot • indicates a dash line, a squiggle ~ indicates a solid line, and a hyphen - indicates a bar.

Junior Lieutenant - [•]

Lieutenant - [~]

Lieutenant Commander - [•~]

Commander - [~~]

Captain - [~•~]

Commodore/Rear Admiral (lower half) - [-]

Rear Admiral (upper half) - [~-]

Vice Admiral - [-~-]

Admiral - [~~-~]

Fleet Admiral - [~~-~~]

—————

Hopefully this helps you understand as much as it did me when I first figured it all out. Took a minute to get some research done. Let me know if anything is worded strangely or if the descriptions aren’t clear enough. I tried to be detailed with it at the start. If anyone has extra information or needs more, please comment or message me! I will answer/clarify to the best of my ability.

I love putting together this kind of thing so if anyone wants more lists like this, let me know. Enjoy.

[starhvney]

𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐉𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝟑 | 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟓.𝟓: 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐀 𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐑

𝐂𝐖: none? zane's a butt but we knew that already.

𝐀/𝐍: kinda short compared to the other chapters but we love the ro'meaves so i had to include this episode :)

𝐖𝐂: 3,700 +

��𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐎𝐑: @arienic

𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 ☆ 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓 | 𝐀𝐎𝟑 | 𝐅𝐈𝐂 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 | 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊𝐒

“holy crap, that’s their house?!” you exclaim, leaning forward as your wide eyes ogle at the house—no, mansion—that the car is pulling into the driveway of.

“oh yeah.” sylvanna looks back at you, her eyebrows waggling. “garte owns a really successful business, the ro’meave corporation. he’s in retail and the landowning industry, and business really started booming for him a couple of years ago. you didn’t know?”

you shake your head, tearing your eyes away from the stunning tall trees, huge front yard, and the beautiful brick house to sylvanna. her beautiful teal dress hugged her perfectly, and the gold she used to accessorize perfectly complemented her skin. she leans back towards you, whispering in your ear with a mischievous grin.

“you should marry one of the boys one day and then you can live in a mansion,” she giggles, before leaning away with a wink and sticking out her tongue to show you she was just joking. “just kidding. you’re not allowed to date until you’re thirty, either.”

you laugh, feeling your cheeks burn a bit as you shake your head. aphmau narrows her eyes at the two of you suspiciously before stepping out of the car, with the two of you following behind. the home was colonial style, with black shutters and vines growing up the front. 

you glance back at your friend, who is drooling equally as hard as she takes in the scenery.

“what a humble little place.” you shrug haughtily, earning a wary warning glance back from your mom.

aphmau’s eyes are still wide when she shakes her head in disbelief.

“they gave off rich vibes but i didn’t expect this.”

“at least they’re humble?”

zianna greets you all at the door, wearing a beautiful coral dress, a dainty gold wristwatch, and matching gold jewelry. her hair is styled into a beautiful curl blowout, and her green eyes are outlined by dark lashes and elegant eyeliner.

you can see where the boys got their looks from, noticing a similar pout in the full lips and the long thick lashes in the woman before you. you’re starting to wonder what the dad looked like.

“ahh! i’m so glad you guys could make it!” she excitedly ushers you in, your feet landing on beautiful dark polished hardwood floors.

your eyes look around at the tall ceilings and rounded archways into separate rooms, the closest one looking like what was probably the living room. your eyes trail up the large staircase in front of you, landing on garroth who had come down to greet you.

he wore navy blue slacks and a nice button-up shirt, rolled up to his elbows along with the unbuttoned navy blazer he paired with it. 

you’re glad you wore a pretty dress, now.

“don’t you two just look gorgeous!” your vision is covered by zianna, who smells like rich perfume as she admires you. “don’t you think, gar-gar?”

he makes it to the bottom of the flight, smiling at everyone.

“yes, they’re all gorgeous.”

“if you two wanted to marry one of my boys i’d totally let you!” garroth’s ears turn red at his mom’s words, and he steps over to greet your dad with a solid handshake. 

“then we’d all be related!” mom and sylvanna squeal along with her, before beginning to shuffle their way into the kitchen to finish dinner.

“gar-gar, why don’t you give the girls a house tour while us moms have our girl talk in the kitchen?”

you turn to notice your dad already walked off somewhere, probably to find garroth’s dad?

“yes ma’am.” garroth sighs, before turning to you and aph. “at least with a house tour we won’t have to listen to the three of them.”

aphmau sighs. “yeah, seriously.”

garroth turns back to where he came, gesturing at the staircase as he strides up to them. 

“here’s the stairs—“

“wow!” you and aphmau drawl out in unison, sarcastic wonder on your faces as you both applaud him.

he slowly turns to the two of you with a smile, the corners of his mouth downturned in embarrassment.

“shut up…” he giggles, before trekking up the steps.

you two follow behind in a fit of giggles, following behind your blonde tour guide. he turns to the first door in the long, wide hallway at the top of the stairs.

“this is zane’s room.” he turns the doorknob before using his foot to kick the door the rest of the way open. “hey baby brother!”

zane tumbles off of his chair in surprise, a loud yelp coming from his lips.

“garroth!” he yells in annoyance. “can’t you see i’m in the middle of something?!”

you peek in the room. the walls were darkly painted and the furniture was a dark—almost black wood. shelves were lined with collectibles from video games and shows, some that you were familiar with, some not. across from his bed was a large tv, and next to it a desk with a gaming pc. the small avatar on the computer screen begins taking damage, to which zane groans, scrambling for his mouse and keyboard to fight the monster off.

“why don’t you come downstairs and pause the game?” garroth quips back, staring unimpressed at the screen.

“it. can’t. be. paused.” he slowly turns his head towards the three of you, freckled face crinkled in irritation. “i’m in the middle of a dungeon. get out! i’ll come down when i want to!”

garroth holds his hands up in surrender, backing up out of the room and closing the door behind him. he turns back to you and aphmau sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck.

“sorry about him. he’s, uh… well, he really likes to isolate himself.”

you shrug, lips pressed in a thin smile. aphmau shrugs too, mentioning how zane was at least right about not being able to pause mmo games.

“ah, well i wouldn’t really know about that. i’m not into games as much as he is—i usually only ever play console games.”

“what do you play?” you ask, hoping your tone wasn’t too eager as you follow him down the hall towards another room.

“oh, well i think legend of zelda is fun—“ he interrupts himself by entering the door of another room. “hey, vylad.”

vylad sighs, glancing over from his bed as he sits perfectly straight, legs crossed and breathing evenly.

“you really have a problem with knocking, garroth.” he breathes in before exhaling, glancing over at you girls behind the intruder. “hey.”

“sorry baby brother.” garroth steps in further as vylad gives up on whatever meditating he was in the middle of, getting up and looking around his room.

the walls were a calming shade of forest green, quite similar to the boy’s eyes. a lot of his decorations were made of what looked like raw birch, continuing the natural theme. the only lighting in the room was the sunlight shining through the windows and a few candles that had been lit. they gave off a refreshing scent, making the whole room cozy and relaxing.

“i love your room, it’s so calm…” you compliment, trying not to look too amazed at how soft and comfortable his bed looked, as it was covered in the fluffiest duvet and pillows you’ve ever seen.

“thanks!” he grins.

now that you look at him, he really did look way more like his mom than his brothers. he wore some dark brown slacks with a loose linen shirt, looking like a young academic ready to teach his own class.

“i’m giving them a tour, wanna come along?” garroth asks, fiddling with a rubik’s cube from vylad’s dresser.

vylad stretches and shrugs, blowing out his candles and following the three of you to the door.

“well since i was so kindly interrupted in my meditation, why not?”

garroth sheepishly chuckles, making his way to the room directly across from vylad’s. “i said sorry…”

“you know, when you’re older if you don’t break this opening-doors-without-knocking habit it’ll turn into actually breaking down doors a habit in the future.”

“okay, that’s a bit exaggerated” he shakes his head. “i’m kinda strong, but not enough to break down a door with one push. besides, that’s just plain rude.��

“if you trained you could, i could see you being a firefighter. they do that, right?” you offhandedly note, stepping into what you now assume to be garroth’s room.

the walls are a muted shade of blue, reminding you of a color you’d see in a beach condo, complemented by ivory shades of white on his bed and some hints of yellow throughout the rest of his furniture. it was pretty clean and put together, aside from a pile in the corner that had sports jerseys and equipment spilling from a gym bag.

there were a few posters up, some from different song artists and bands, others of some console games—one of which being for legend of zelda. one wall also hung some high-placing medals and ribbons.

“oh? are these all your baseball achievements?”

“yeah… not to brag, i'm also the star player, so…”

“wow, gloating much?” aphmau laughs.

“i mean i would,” you admit, leaning in to look at a team photo on the wall. “captain and star player as a sophomore? i’d be telling everyone.”

garroth’s feet tumble behind you before the picture is covered by his larger hand. he ruffles his hair over the tops of his ears, clearing his throat and turning you around to the rest of his room.

“uh, so how do you like the rest of my room?”

you stifle a giggle, nodding and glancing around.

“it’s nice.”

“great!” his hands land firmly on your shoulders, ushering you and everyone else back out of his room and towards the staircase again.

zane emerges from his room, narrowing his eyes at the four of you as you pass. you finally see his outfit: simple black slacks and a black button-up. he uses his ringed fingers to briefly fluff up his hair, revealing his right eye. for the short time you see it, you notice the pupil was slightly clouded over, and a light scar ran from his eyelid to his brow.

“hey, baby brother.” garroth passes him, and zane’s annoyed expression deepens.

his other eye seems fine, but you slow next to him to double check.

“hi! you better from earlier?”

“obviously i am.” he scowls back, looking entirely unimpressed with you.

“oh.” your smile drops, the short laugh that leaves your lips sounding awkward. “i was just wondering…”

you nearly run into garroth’s back, looking up to see him sending an annoyed glare back at zane.

“zane, that wasn’t nice.”

“she was just asking. if you don’t like her just ignore her like you do to me,” vylad interjects, voice much calmer and even than the older two. “besides, don’t you have any good memories of her? she’s always been nice to you.”

“no, i don’t remember. and i prefer for it to stay that way.”

“zane,” garroth grits.

you send an uncomfortable glance over at aphmau, whose lips are tightly pressed together—unsure and awkward.

“what? mad i offended your little girlfriend? not my fault you—“

“zane, shut your—“

“you know,” aphmau suddenly interjects, cutting the two of them off. “i remember you being a big cry baby when we were younger, zane.”

“huh?!” his head whips over to the shorter girl, freckles cheeks brightening into an embarrassed pink. 

“yeah, and garroth would tease you, but then these two would come to defend you.” vylad raises his eyebrows, smiling smugly at the memory as he glanced at you. “i remember she used to lecture garroth like she was a grown up, and made him feel guilty and apologize everytime.”

“…what? i don’t remember that.” garroth frowns, eyes darting to the floor in thought. “i always remember being a good big brother.”

“oldest sibling syndrome,” vylad mutters to himself in amusement. “i mean, you’ve always been loving, sure. but when we were kids you were always messing with zane.”

zane crosses his arms, staring at the ground as he brews on the memories himself. his eyebrow is furrowed, long black lashes covering whatever emotion you tried to read from his eye. garroth hums to himself in thought, rolling his tongue on the inside of his cheek.

“huh, i kinda remember that, actually.”

“yeah, and i remember vylad used to eat dirt,” zane mutters.

you pettily restrain yourself from laughing, remembering how he had been rude to you just moments ago.

“i’ve always loved nature, what can i say?”

“and glue.”

“yet i still got into o’khasis prep.”

“whatever.” zane’s previous anger returns as he turns back around into his room. “i’m staying in my room until dinner. i don’t know why i even bothered to come out.”

the door slams behind him.

well.

the four of you silently walk downstairs, following garroth as he turns into a large living room.

“i’m really sorry about him. he’s been super angry all the time lately. he usually takes it mostly out on me, but it’s really annoying.” he turns, a heavy sigh leaving his lips and an apologetic look on his face.

“hey, at least he acknowledges your existence.”

“vylad,” garroth pats the younger brother’s shoulder with a small awe, “zane loves you. he’s just… going through some stuff.”

“i know, but still…” he sighs. “anyways, yeah. sorry guys.”

his hands wave forward as he gestures to the room.

“anyways. here’s the living room.”

“i can see that,” you laugh, walking over to the tall, built-in bookshelves that stood on either side of the huge stone fireplace.

“yeah, mom recently went on a huge redecorating spree and bought these new couches.”

aphmau makes a noise of wonder at the large white wrap-around couch, sitting down and poking one of the many soft throw pillows that decorated it.

garroth steps into a hallway that led further off into the house, waving all of you over and stepping down the short stairway into the next section.

“we have a bathroom and our laundry room over here, and…” he steps towards a large french door with frosted glass.

“this used to be the garage but then dad remodeled it to be his home office. he had a new garage built separate from the house,” garroth explains, before turning to crack open the door and peeking in. “dad?”

you turn to aphmau, lowering your voice to a whisper.

“me when i casually turn my garage into my home office.”

she elbows you and vylad snickers, having overheard you. your eyes widen in his direction and he innocently holds his hands up, smiling cheesily in your direction.

“hey, it’s all good. i’m aware my family is rich.”

you cover your mouth as you laugh, before garroth fully opens the door and waves for the three of you to follow him in.

you see where your dad had disappeared off to earlier. he stood with his arms crossed, whatever chat he was having with mr. ro’meave interrupted as the two men look over to greet all of you.

“hello. it’s been a while since i’ve last seen the two of you.” garte smiles, and he looks nearly exact to what you would imagine garroth to look like about twenty five years from now.

he stands from his desk, dressed in a very expensive looking suit as he strides over to politely shake your hand. a very fresh minty cologne briefly passes your nose and as he stands—very tall—in front of you, you notice how perfectly well groomed his short facial hair was.

“you two grew up to be beautiful young ladies.”

“thank you mr. ro’meave, it’s nice to meet you… again?”

“just call me garte.” he smiles, voice as smooth as garroth’s yet much less soft and most definitely firm and assertive.

you couldn’t help but nod in agreement, nervously unable to think of any more words to say. he was definitely a businessman.

“dinner is ready!” zianna’s chimed voice calls out to the house, interrupting your introductions.

“well, i was just beginning to feel hungry. perfect timing.”

everyone files out of the room, you and aphmau trailing behind the group. you lean close to her ear, smirking as you whisper.

“dilf.”

aphmau slowly turns her head to you in shock, jaw dropped and mouth gaping wide open, her cheeks blazing red. her hand covers her mouth as she recovers, clearing her throat.

“real.”

“what are you two whispering about back there?” vylad turns, raising an eyebrow at the two of you.

“nothing!” you both squeak, stiffening up and walking along as he and garroth shoot the two of you a strange look.

you soon find yourself situated with everyone else at the ro’meaves’ huge dining table, plates set with the combination of the three mothers’ efforts.

“so,” garte’s eyes landed on yours, the rest of the table’s attention falling to you, “i was talking to your dad about your move and how you were adjusting to the new school life. how do you like phoenix drop so far?”

“oh, it’s been… pretty good so far.” you gulp down the nervous lump in your throat. “garroth and aphmau are really good friends, so that helps.”

he barks out a laugh, the sound so crisp and clear it nearly startles you out of your seat.

“of course! if anyone gives you trouble you can always go to garroth or any of my boys for help.”

your lips curl up in a forced smile, embarrassment sinking into your skin. in your peripheral vision, you can see zane’s eye practically roll to the back of his head.

garroth leans forward in his seat, his perfect smile matching his father’s. “yeah, seriously. anytime you need help you know you can come to me.”

vylad’s mouth spreads into that same cheesy smile, though it looks like he had shoved something sour in his mouth before doing so.

“same here. i can’t fight, but i’ll do my best.”

“thanks, the same goes for all of you,” you return the sentiment, your cheeks burning uncomfortably hot as you distract yourself by shoving a bite of food in your mouth.

“i don’t think so,” zane mutters with an annoyed groan, earning a quick glare from his brothers.

“zane, you need to–” garroth starts.

“i don’t need to do anything, actually.”

“dad.” vylad turns to garte, the other adults distracted in their own conversation now. “can you tell zane and garroth to stop fighting?”

garte makes a distracted humming noise, before an insistent buzzing interrupts the moment.

“are they?” he asks absentmindedly, his focus turned to his phone as he quickly whips it out from his suit pocket, frowning. “ah, i should take this. it’s about the beach house.”

vylad’s face falls, and garte’s sudden exit from the room seems enough for his older brothers to stop talking, their annoyed expressions dropping as blue eyes watch him disappear through the doorway.

the rest of the dinner you quietly eat your food, listening and joining in to the older ladies’ chatter as they carry on the lively atmosphere. the boys start to gather up dishes on their mother’s command (they’re trained well), and when you reach down to your own plate to help, zianna reaches for your hand.

“oh no, my boys got it, hun!” she begins to pull you away, leading you back to the staircase. “i do want to talk to you about something, though.”

“oh, sure.”

she pulls you into a room upstairs that garroth hadn’t shown you before, another bedroom that you assume to be her and garte's. the room was elegantly decorated with different shades of creams, contrasted by polished dark ebony wood furniture. she leads you to her vanity and shuffles through her drawers.

you turn to glance through a nearby doorway, the room expanding even further into a huge bathroom that looked to be just as big as the bedroom.

“ah, here.” zianna says suddenly, and your attention turns to the taller woman as she dangles an interesting looking necklace in front of you.

you blink, gingerly taking the locket between your fingers as she moves it closer, face expectant.

“um, what is this?”

“i’m giving it to you,” she explains, reaching to clasp the thin chain around your neck.

“to me?” your eyes widen. “thank you… but why?”

“i spoke to your mom and sylvanna about the reason you moved here.” her tone is serious. “i know you probably don’t want to talk about it, and i understand that. but i want you to know you will always be safe with me and my boys.”

she lifts the locket up, briefly blowing into the top and a low whistle sounds from the metal.

“that’s with barely any air blowing into it. if you’re ever in trouble and no one is near, blow into this as hard as you can, and it’ll sound like a train whistle.”

you blink down at the beautifully decorated whistle, the round device looking inconspicuous. you’re unsure why it shakes you, but you feel the tip of your nose prick and your eyes mist.

“thank you…”

“of course dear. i want you to stay near my gar-gar as much as you can when you’re out until we start figuring some things out, okay? you’re not alone.” her delicate hands brush away your hands from your face, lightly tapping your cheeks.

“and we should totes exchange numbers!” she cheerfully switches up her tone, waving her hand to dry your teary lashes. “anytime you need me, you can just give me a call, pretty girl!”

after exchanging phone numbers as zianna insisted, the two of you make your way downstairs to give your final goodbyes for the evening. garroth and vylad pull you into a hug, wishing you a good night and retreating back upstairs. zane lingers for just a moment, his brow and mouth still pulled down into that signature frown.

you thought you had swallowed down your urge for tears, but the cold icy blues that darted over your expression seemed much too observant for comfort.

“you know, if you frown like that all the time you’ll have wrinkles by your twenties,” you remark, lingering by the front door.

“didn’t ask,” he quips, arms crossed stubbornly before he sighs. “good night.”

“...good night.”

©starhvney, 2024. please do not steal or repost my works as your own

tag list: @orinlin @pain-in-the-ashe @youmake1mistake @arienic

[hughiecampbelle]

Arrangement (Roy!Sibling x Lukas Matsson)

((SUCCESSION SPOILERS))

Character/s: Lukas, Kendall, Shiv, Roman, Logan mention

Word Count: 1,732

Requested: hi!! can i request roy!baby sibling being sent to “woo” lukas in favor of the deal? they were indifferent at first but eventually fell for him. (not necessarily needed to be included but i imagine kendall would find out about the blood thing with ebba and try to tank the deal hahaha) - anon

Tag: @locke-writes

A/N: Hope you like it my love!!! This is based off the latest episode, so spoilers ahead for anyone who hasn't seen it!! Thank you for requesting!!! Feedback is always appreciated 💜💜💜

You cleared your throat, following him through the doorway. Your glass was cold, the stem fragile, the red wine disgusting. Something expensive, Tom had poured, swishing around, threatening to spill. You took one last glance back. They stood huddled together, nodding at you, insisting you go in. You would have rolled your eyes if he hadn’t turned to see you, inviting you in. You smiled, cursing your family. Fuck Kendall, fuck Shiv, fuck Roman, and especially fuck Logan. The door shut behind you, making you jump. Don’t worry, I’m not going to try anything. I just want to talk. His hand fell the small of your back, ever so slightly pushing you along to where the living set sat. Fuck all fo them, you added at the end, over and over again until you were sitting across from him. The room was dark except for a few lamps. One wall was floor to ceiling windows. He had his back turned on the view, as if it didn’t matter, as if the only thing you should be focusing on was him. Shiv’s home had so many rooms, so many ins and outs, it was a wonder she didn’t get lost every day. You couldn’t help yourself, letting your eyes wander over him, above him, to the glittering city. It was too dark to see any details, but that didn’t really matter. It stood grand, solid, daunting in the darkness. Your home, for as long as you’ve been alive. It looked its most perfect at its most blurry, shunned from the daylight. 

He looked tired. That was the first thing you’d noticed about him when he showed up. He wasn’t some godlike creature they all feared he was. He was just some guy in a gold jacket. The bags under his eyes were puffy, as if he hadn’t slept in a while. He brought Ebba and Oskar with him, making fun of them as if that’s what all bosses did. You weren’t sure if you should laugh or not, so you said nothing. Everyone seemed uncomfortable but him. You had Gerri, Frank, and all of your siblings. An army, and for what? This guy? You tried to hide your smile. This was the guy everyone had been worried about? Leave it to them to be dramatic. Jesus, you could have stayed in the home. It was a last minute invitation. Whose idea, you’re not sure. After everything with dad, you were more than happy to tag along. It was a wanted distraction. The thought sent a shiver through your body. This election party was a nice distraction, even if it meant schmoozing with this guy. He shook hands with your brothers, and attempted to hug your sister, stopping at you. His eyes seemed to light up. You went in for a hug, unsure of what else to do, as Kendall introduced you. Y/n, the baby of the Roy family. You’d never met him before. You weren’t even sure he knew you existed. You were as far removed from the company as possible. You just weren’t interested. You had a life outside of all this. You thought everyone should do the same, though the idea isn’t well liked. He likes you, Roman said while you two followed the rest to a private room. Was that true? He just learned your name, and yet, it seemed like he couldn’t take his gaze off you, even if you were the least significant Roy in the room. You had no idea what the deal was, what you were supposed to be rooting for, only that it was worth a lot and it was keeping your brothers up at night. Shut up, you hissed back, really wishing you’d said no. The deal went well in Norway, so you thought this was just a formality. You had no idea it was falling apart behind the scenes. 

It was their plan all along. Kendall and Rome had learned his “type”. He had a weakness for someone who looked like you. It didn’t hurt that you were the youngest, either. Barely legal, Roman always joked, though you were far older than that. They knew bringing you along would help, at least it would offer some sort of distraction, like a parting gift. He gets to talk to you, stare at you, imagine whatever he wanted, and they’d get their deal. All you had to do was stand there and look pretty. You’d figured it out quick enough. You played nice, used your best manners, but they were acting strange about it. They watched your every move, paid close attention to everything you did and said. They waited for him to laugh at your jokes before they found it funny. Lukas seemed distracted by you, too. He lost track of what they were talking about, having to be gently, constantly reminded. Even out on the grass, surrounded by his team, the rest of you left to mingle, he always found his way to you. Rome was right. The more he got to know you, heard your sarcasm, your jokes, your unfiltered thoughts and feelings, the more he seemed to like you. Want you. Over the balcony's edge, he followed you out, stood beside you, asking you questions, needing to know more. What were your interests, your hobbies, why weren't you more involved in the company. They never took their eyes off you, wanting to make sure what you were saying was okay. He wasn’t even supposed to show, but he did, and you were his bait. 

Is he always like that? You ask, taking another rancid sip, Oskar I mean. He was high, obviously, and keen on making everyone he came into contact with uncomfortable. He talked about your body in ways you’d never thought at a political party. Lukas came to your defense immediately, seriously, making him and Ebba jump at his tone. You hadn’t expected him to be so offended on your part, but he seemed genuinely upset, leaving the pair in favor of your company. Like an asshole? Most of the time, yes. He chuckles. I am sorry for his behavior. You force a smile. You should hear what they all say. They’re on their best behavior tonight. There were a few Nazis here, it could have been much worse. He nods, understanding, having gotten a warning speech from your sister about how to act and what to say. He asks how you’re doing with your father. You shrug. No one’s asked you since that night. It still feels unreal. He talks about his own father. You can’t help but notice how human he looks all of a sudden, so fragile, so small. You almost feel bad for him. Despite the situation, being offered up to him like a piece of meat, he’s a kid just like you, like your siblings, pretending to know how to handle this niche slice of adulthood. You make a joke about the wine  that gets you a smile. You become more comfortable with him, letting your shoulders drop, your spine slouch. He speaks of Sweden, how beautiful it is, how much he misses it. About his past relationships, that they never seemed to work out. About your family, how messy they are. You can’t help but agree. Not just your siblings, though it was a miracle you were all in the same room without fighting, but your father and mother. He was cruel and took pleasure in pinning you against one another. She was absent and yet so needy, unstable. You talk about your past relationships, how hard it was to find someone who wanted you, not your money or your name. An hour has gone by before you know it. You didn’t mean to tell him all of this, to open up, it just happened. 

Do you want to go back to the party? He asks, eyeing the door. Not really, you think. You can hear the murmur of guests just outside. All of them trying their best to smile and get along. Tomorrow they’ll be at one another's throats. Do you? He shakes his head no. It’s more fun here. That makes heat rush to your face. The conversation flows without any hiccups. Where you want to travel next, what you wanted to be when you were a kid, all your thoughts about the next presidential candidate, favorite ice cream toppings. You spoke about everything and anything. His laugh came easy, especially at your jokes. It was one of the things he liked most about you, your humor. He told you things he wasn’t proud of, things you’d later realize information  your brothers would have killed for. Nothing big, nothing scary, just personal fears. He trusted you with this. You wouldn’t tell another soul. You liked him a hell of a lot more than when you first met. He was more of a person, not just a walking conglomerate. His company was even enjoyable. He had absolutely no filter and said some outrageous things, but in a world like yours, that was normal. The only reason you even stopped was because of a knock at the door. Shiv wore a tight smile, asking if she could speak to Lukas alone. Behind her, Kendall and Rome watched. I’ll see you soon, he promised, don’t stray too far. You nodded, getting up, leaving the room. You couldn’t read your brother's expressions, but it didn’t look good. Wordlessly, they took your arm, leading you far from the room. What the fuck? I was doing what you said to, you said once you were alone, pulling yourself from their tight grips. Roman rolled his eyes. Not everything is about you. Did he tell you about the blood and hair? What the fuck was he talking about? The shock on your face was enough to convince them. They began speaking at the same time. Fucking Matsson has been sending. . . stuff to his ex-girlfriend. I don’t want you going near him again. His numbers are all wrong, they’re all made up. Never should have used you like this. Fraud. Deal. Freak. What were they talking about? You looked down the hall, through the open doorway, where Shiv is talking to him. She looked angry, upset. He seemed content, even jovial, laughing at himself. Was this true? You wouldn't believe it. He seemed like such a nice guy.

[uninformedartist]

So just finished watching the ep so review. Spoils ahead:

So the episode was ok to me, solid 6/10 one of the better episodes which since this was supposed to be an "extravagant" ep why does it got better quality than the main eps, idk Viv has her moments like this ep and other eps its a train wreck in writing ect.

Mammon worked on my nerves, from design to his movements, personality ALL of him was annoying, which props for an annoying Villian but its Villian I never want to see back again and he's hinted for some sort of return.

Side tangent: Mammon is like the how many-ith Villian to get a return ep/hint at one. It was 1st cherubs, then dorks, then stella/ice twink, striker/crimson now Mammon & according to the leaked storyboards a ghost guy that tries to talk IMP into off-ing themselves... its a flipping lot and cherubs & dorks seem to be forgotten dispite dorks knowing & having hard evidence they exist, flip Viv chill it with your Villian of the week cos its way too many now.

Anyway, Blitz didn't need to be in this ep besides the flashback. Ozzie got him to talk Fizz out of being Mammon's puppet but ultimately Ozzie spoke him out of it & gave him courage to quit/confront Mammon. Even Blitz being a bodyguard/killing people for Fizz could've been any imp. Blitz is starting to feel like Steven from SU, in every ep even tho the ep doesn't need him/ the episode surrounds topics a wee child shouldn't be in (i.e Lapis trauma dumping on Steven & he a child isn't really equipped to handle that situation).

My fave part of this ep was Ozzie and Fizz. Ya'll I legit prayed Viv wouldn't mess these two up and my prayers were answered. Absolutely a joy these two were. Fizz especially what a darling. Loved that small scenes with him and the deaf imp child, l dont know sign language but it looked genuine animated and was just sweet moments.

From their interactions, Fizz's panic attacks/self doubt felt & were genuine... I felt that as someone that has panic attacks from high stress on my studies/life. It was just handled well. Fizz feeling less than and needing to prove himself from 1. his past 2. his appearance, that accident affected his self image/worth so much (why I felt him forgiving Blitz was too hastily done but I digress) & 3. him doing this Mammon contest still to gain/earn Ozzie's love for him cos Fizz believes Ozzie only sticks around because of this fame Mammon gave Fizz. Ozzie finally saying what he loves about Fizz was lovely, wanted that in the 1st ep but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Their song was... I didn't like it BUT the message in it was beautiful. Lastly Fizz saying fuck you to Mammon from the courage/strength Ozzie gave him was a nice send off... also Ozzie saying he loves Fizz ah ngl that made me smile agh I just love them. I want to see them more than the Stolitz show but thats only a wish. Props Viv, you get 1 brownie point not messing this up.

Last findings, the ep was bloated as hell my soul Viv please stop cramming so much in an ep, this one is 30 mins long & yet still felt bloated. Pacing was a motherfuka damn it was bad & the swearing was jarring (its a Viv written ep I don't expect any less but still gonna point it out) and the comedy wasn't so prominent in this ep, Blitz/Mammon gave some comic relief but in the best and worst ways:

The way the VA delivered this line "to be fucked" made me laugh, the line is cringy but the delivery lol gold

Aand Blitz, my soul shut the fuck up & get out this ep. Last ep & this one he said something so agonizingly cringe I pulled my face

The world of HB is legit American hell or earth just painted red since Fizz named all these places in America just "hellified" where his fans come from.

And very last, congratulations Salem glad you got the cathartic send off you deserve from working under Viv, truly fuck you "Mammon" indeed :) also glad they credited you this time.

[layce2015]

The Boys (Soldier Boy x Female!Supe!Reader)

Chapter 4: Glorious Five Year Plan

Chapter 1 / Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

Present Day

*(y/n)’s POV*

"It's Solid Gold, starring Marilyn McCoo. With Solid Gold recording stars Kim Carnes, the Oak Ridge Boys, Waylan Flowers and Madame, the Solid Gold Dancers, and our first very special guest of the night, Soldier Boy!" The announcer from the show said as I sit there in my living room, watching, Bethany sitting next to me.

The camera pans down on the stage to show Ben, wearing his superhero suit including that helmet, standing on the stage as he begins to sing.

Fab Five Freddy told me everybody's fly

DJ spinning, I said, "My, my"

Flash is fast, Flash is cool

François c'est pas, Flash ain't no dude

And you don't stop, sure shot

Go out to the parking lot

And you get in your car and you drive real far

And you drive all night and then you see a light

It comes right down and lands on the ground

And out comes a man from Mars

And you try to run, but he's got a gun

And he shoots you dead, and he eats your head

And then you're in the man from Mars

You go out at night, eating cars

You eat Cadillacs, Lincolns, too...

As he sings, he did dance a bit then walked across the stage as the female back-up dancers surround him, all of them placing their hands on any part of him they could touch. And even watching this old rerun now, I still felt a bit jealous of seeing this just as I was when I was there on that show. I remember being a bit annoyed while I was standing backstage watching this from a TV screen.

"Weren't you on this episode as well?" Bethany asked me. "Yeah, I was." I muttered.

Sure enough, when Ben's song ended the camera switches to show the disco ball hanging from the ceiling as the announcer said. "And now for our second special guest, Mystic Shade!"

And the camera pans down to show me, in my superhero suit, on the stage, leaning against a tall white platform and I hold the microphone up to my lips. "Oh, there you are!" Bethany said, in a teasing manner, and I rolled my eyes.

Girls! Girls!

Watch out! Watch out!

I turn my head to look out at the crowd and I stand up, straighter.

There's a two legged animal running about

If it smokes a great big cigar

And it hangs around at a bar

If it tells the biggest lies, wears the loudest ties

It's a man

If it acts just like a crossed patch

Has a face with whiskers that scratch

If it's stubborn as can be, mean and ornery

It's a man

I watched myself saunter across the stage as I sang this old song, I raised a finger as if pointing out to the crowd before I lowered my arm, continuing to sing. "Wow, look at you go." Bethany teased and I scoff out a laugh.

It if walks, if it talks

If its habits are a little bit peculiar

If it brags and tries to make you think it's wonderful

Be on the lookout, don't let it fool ya

But if it makes the moon up on high,

More than just a light in the sky

If it kisses you and you find you like it too

GRAB IT!

It's a man

At the point I sang GRAB IT I raised my right hand up and clenched it into a fist then unclenched it and placed it on my hips as I do a bit of a dance with a smile, continuing to sing the song.

"Good God, I look so ridiculous." I muttered. "No, you don't. You're now sounding like an old woman." Bethany said, a bit of sarcasm, and I look over at her, she of course had aged a bit, wrinkles had appeared on her face and her hair was turning gray but I could still see that young girl I met back in the 70's underneath all those wrinkles.

"Well, you do realize I'm a little over a hundred years old. I think I deserve to sound like one." I said, smiling. "And yet you still look like you're in your early 30's." Bethany said and I chuckle. "Yes, bathing in virgin's blood does have its perks." I joked and we laugh.

"What? That's the secret? Why didn't you tell me?!" Bethany asked me, in a fake offended voice. "It's a curse I must bare." I said, dramatically, and we laugh and go back to watching the show as I continue to sing the song.

It if walks, if it talks

If its habits are a little bit peculiar

If it brags and tries to make you think it's wonderful

Be on the lookout, don't let it fool ya

And then one of the male backup dancers, dressed in a suit, comes up next to me and gets down on one knee.

But if it's kneelin' down on one knee

Sayin' darling please marry me

Then don't hesitate, better name the date and then

I had walked over to the man and caressed his cheek for a moment then lowered my hand to his tie as I sang the next few lines.

GRAB IT!

HOLD IT!

HANG ONTO IT! 

I grabbed the man's tie, yanked on it to make him stand up and pull him close to me. The guy looked surprised but also seemed to like it as I give him a flirty smile.

For It's a man

I belted out that last line then I pulled the man down towards me and I kissed him. I face-palmed at this while Bethany said. "Ooooohhh."

The music stops and the guy and I break the kiss and we share a smile before the camera switches to a different guest. "I'm gonna guess Ben wasn't happy about that kiss, was he?" Bethany asked me and I shake my head. "No, he wasn't." I said. "He didn't hurt you, did he?" Bethany asked me, concerned, and I shake my head as the memory of what happened after I left the stage came to mind, a smile slowly forming on my face.

"No, he didn't. He, uh...he did something else." I said and Bethany looks at me then noticed my smile. "Oh, I know that smile. Give me details!" She demanded and I shake my head. "A lady never kiss and tells." I said and we share a laugh again. We look back at the TV and my mind began to wander back to that night of the filming of this episode.

Flashback

I walked backstage after the performance and a few people smiled and congratulated me as I walk past them. Then I look over at Ben, who did not look happy. “What the fuck was that?” He asked me, angrily. “What was what?” I asked, feigning ignorance. I start to walk past him but he grabs my arm and I turn to face him.

”You know damn well what I mean.” He growls and I smirk at him. “Ease up, Soldier Boy. Jealousy is not a good look on you. Besides, it was all an act.” I said. “You sure? Because it didn’t look like an act.” He said and my smile grew. Honestly, I was having fun messing with him. “So what if it was?” I asked him then I lean into him. “What are you gonna do about it?” I asked and I see his eyes darken as he glares at me.

Most people would’ve backed down from this glare but I didn’t. Because I could see the lust and desire in his eyes, which told me I was in for it.

I let out a moan that really sounded like it could've come out of a porno as Ben shoved me up against the wall of his dressing room, thrusting roughly into me, my legs wrapped around his waist.

"Fuck, Ben!" I exclaimed. "That's right, you better say my name! Not that asshole you kissed! You are mine!" Ben growls as his thrusts become harder. I let out a strangled moan as I started to feel drunk with how good Ben was making me feel until I felt his thumb rubbing my most sensitive spot.

I cried out again as Ben said, with a low growl. "This is mine! No one else's! Say it. Say that this pussy is mine!" Then his thumb works faster and my walls clench around him even harder. "Y-Y-Yours...always....I'm..yours..." I was able to say in between gasps and moans I was letting out.

"You damn right you are!" Ben growls in my ear as he pounds into me and rubs that sensitive spot even faster and harder.

And at that moment, I shut my eyes and felt them roll back as a very powerful orgasm washes over me. "BEN!" I screamed out in ecstasy and then he growls out my name in my ear as I feel him release himself inside of me.

The both of us stilled and catch our breath until we hear a knock at the door. Both of us look towards the door, lazily, when the voice of the producer of the show calls out. "Soldier Boy, you and Mystic Shade are up in ten minutes."

"Okay, thanks. We'll be out there." Ben said and we hear the guy leave. Ben turns to look at me then gives me a soft kiss on the lips. "Looks like round two is gonna have to wait." He said as he pulls out of me. I hiss at this and set my wobbling legs on the floor before he walks over to his table that was next to us.l

"There's more?" I asked, breathlessly, as he goes to grab a towel and wipes himself clean, puts his pants back on then zips it up. "Yeah...gotta make my girl know who she belongs to." He said as he comes up to me and cleans me up as well.

"Well, in that case...I should be punishing you in round two." I said, smirking, and zipping up my pants once he finished. "How so? I didn't go kissing anybody." Ben said, tossing the towel aside. "Oh, but you did let all those girls touch you, let them run their hands all over you." I said as I sauntered over to him, my legs still feeling a bit like jelly.

I get up close to him and I grab his crotch, he tensed up at this and he let's out a small sigh through his nose. "If my pussy is yours then this dick is mine. And no one else can have it, no other woman should be touching you, understand?" I asked him and I could hear a low growl coming from him as I tightened my grip on it.

"Yes, ma'am." He said, lowly, and I give a seductive smile. "Good boy." I cooed and I kiss his cheek then let him go and go towards the door. "Where you going?" He asked me and I turn to face him. "Gotta go clean up my face and hair. Probably look like a used whore." I said and Ben looks me up and down. "More like properly fucked, in my opinion." He said, with that cheeky grin, and I rolled my eyes.

"I'll see you out there, Soldier Boy." I said, in a sultry voice. "See you later, Mystic Shade." Ben said and I walk out of the dressing room.

Present Day

I sighed a bit as Bethany pats my arm and points to the TV. "I forgot you two did a duet!" She exclaims and I look at the screen as it showed me and Ben back on stage, I must've being off on la la land in my head for awhile cause I remember our duet was at the ending of the episode.

The music intro to Endless Love began to play as Ben starts to sing first, both of us facing each other.

My love

There's only you in my life

The only thing that's right

I smiled at him as I bring my microphone up to my lips.

My first love

You're every breath that I take

You're every step I make

Then we sang together.

And I want to share

All my love with you

No one else will do

And your eyes (Your eyes, your eyes)

They tell me how much you care

Oh, yes, you will always be

My endless love

"You know, even though you told me about the crap you two went through, I still think you two made a good-looking couple. Better than him and that, what was her name? Crimson Countess?" Bethany said, thinking. "Yeah..." I muttered as I look down for a moment then back to the TV.

Two hearts

Two hearts that beat as one

Our lives have just begun

Forever

I'll hold you close in my arms

I can't resist your charms

And love

I'll be a fool for you, I'm sure

You know I don't mind

'Cause you, you mean the world to me, oh

I know

I've found in you my endless love

I felt this great wave of sadness overcome me and I get up and head to the kitchen. "(Y/n)?" Bethany called out to me as I head to the fridge. "You okay?" She asked as she follows me while I grab a beer bottle.

"Yeah, I just..." I stopped then opened the bottle and started to chug down the beer. "Hey..." Bethany said as she comes up to me and places a hand on my shoulder. "I know I should be over it but....fuck, Bethany, it's hard." I said and Bethany nods. 

"I know, I mean, I wouldn't know how I'd feel or do if Steven died. Let alone forty years after the time." Bethany said. "I know he was an asshole and a bastard but he was the only one that knew what I was going through, what I had been through. He was mostly good to me; couple of things he did, did annoy me. But I still love him." I said then she hugs me.

*3rd Person POV*

Maeve was swinging her sword around, like she was getting ready for battle. She jumps, rolls and swings the sword around until she hears a knock at the door. She opens it and sees it was Starlight. “Hi. Can we talk?” she asked. “No.” Maeve said, flatly, and she goes to shut the door but Starlight stops her. “Maeve, please.” Starlight pleads and Maeve sighs then lets her in and Starlight closes the door.

”I heard that you stopped training.” Starlight said as she noticed that Maeve had moved her furniture around where there was a large space in the middle of the room. “Yeah? You also hear that I wake up six days a week hungover, tits-deep in some random fսck pile? People think what I want them to.” Maeve said as she walks over to the kitchen island. “Okay, listen. Have you ever heard of something called B.C.L. RED?” Starlight asked her as Maeve gets a drink.

”You mean a weapon that can kill Homelander, if Butcher can find it?” Maeve asked her, knowingly. “You know?” Starlight asked, surprised, and Maeve smiles. “Who do you think sent them down the rabbit hole? Actually, I should say I had help with that but still…I brought it up to them. It's why I'm training. Or haven't had a drink in four awful, shit-eating months. Maybe I can buy Butcher a second or two to get a good shot. At the very least, I'll get a couple of licks in.” Maeve said. “Wait, so who gave you the information about this weapon?” Starlight asked and Maeve glares at her.

”Why should I tell you that?” Maeve asked her. “Well, whoever this person is, could join us. I mean, this person obviously wants to help.” Starlight said. “She only wanted to give out the information about the weapon and that’s it.” Maeve said and Starlight furrows her brow. “She?” She said but Maeve doesn’t reply.

“Okay. Okay, okay. So there's you, me and your mystery friend. Maybe we can find some others.” Starlight said. “Right. Yeah. I'm sure you and Duluth's Most Mighty would really get the job done. And I told you, my mystery friend doesn’t want any part of this. This is my problem. I'm the one who was with the asshоlе.” Maeve said.

“Maeve...you cannot do this alone. He'll kill you.” Starlight pleads and Maeve rolls her eyes. “You really care that little about yourself?” Starlight asked her. “I got it coming.” Maeve said before she walks over to her sword and starts to swish it around again.

*(y/n)’s POV*

“Okay, here is one scotch for the pretty lady.” Steven said to me as he hands me a glass of the drink. “Thanks, Steven. I said as I accepted it. I had gone over to Bethany’s and Steven’s house for the night to just have something to keep my mind occupied. Steven is Bethany’s husband for almost forty years and he always had this cheery carefree attitude, even at the age he is now.

“And, of course, for the lovely lady…bourbon!” Steven said to Bethany as she takes it. “A man after my heart.” Bethany said. “I should be the only man!” Steven chuckles and Bethany pretends to think. “Hmm, I don’t know..there is that cute young man at the coffee shop…” she said. “Well, then I better go pay him a visit, show him what happens when you try to get my girl.” He said and the two laugh and I smile and shake my head as I take a drink.

”Oh, and how are you gonna do that? Hit him with your cane?” Bethany asked him, teasingly, as she gestures to the black cane leaning against their couch. “Nah…I’ll just send (y/n) after him.” He said. “And what makes you think I’ll agree to that?” I asked him. “I’ll let you keep beating me at poker!” He said and my jaw drops.

“What do you mean by that?” I asked him. “Well, not to brag but…my superpower is that I am really good at poker. I just didn’t want to show off and let you win so you wouldn’t feel bad.” Steven said and I scoff out a laugh. “Oh, really? Well, c’mon, sonny, put your money where your mouth is!” I said and Steven claps. “Alright, grandma!” Steven teased as he goes to grab his deck of cards but then Bethany looks over at the TV.

”Whoa, whoa, wait a minute! Look!” She said and Steven and I look at the screen to see that there was a news broadcast. It said Neuman Holds FBSA Press Conference on the news banner and Neuman gets up to the podium. “Good afternoon. Thank you all for being here. I'm Congresswoman Victoria Neuman, the director of the Federal Bureau of Superhuman Affairs. For the last year, the Bureau has been working with Vought International under one guiding principle. The most powerful among us are not above the law, including the most powerful man at the company.” Neuman said then she pauses, looks to the side and takes a breath.

”Homelander...has bravely come forward as a whistleblower and provided evidence of crimes committed within Vought by CEO Stan Edgar.” Neuman said and the crowd gasps while mine, Steven’s and Bethany’s jaw drops at this. “And in the coming days, the FBSA will be investigating charges of blackmail, perjury and obstruction of justice against Mr. Edgar. Vought International must be held to the highest ethical and legal standards. The people are entitled to the truth about their heroes...” She said while Bethany and Steven share a look.

”What the hell?” Steven mutters and I furrowed my brow. “I don’t like this. Especially if Homelander is the one that gave that information to her….” I said. “Why do you hate Homelander so much?” Steven asked me. “I don’t know…there’s something…off about him. And I know how things went there at Vought…” I replied. “Plus, Homelander dated a Nazi, isn’t that bad enough?” Bethany asked.

“But he didn’t know…I mean, didn’t you know her as Liberty, (y/n)?” Steven asked me. “Not really well, course I thought something was off about her too back then.” I said and he sighs. “Look, I’m not defending him, I mean, I’m not a huge fan of the guy either but…some men make mistakes when they love a woman. I mean, it came out earlier he and Starlight are a thing now.” He said. 

Bethany hums at this while I stay quiet about this. I don’t know but I think that whole Starlight and Homelander paring is a load of crap and trying to deflect his whole thing with Stormfront.

*3rd Person POV*

Meanwhile, in Russia, Butcher, Frenchie, Kimiko, Hughie and M.M. went to infiltrate a military compound to find the weapon, thanks to Nina. Nina was Frenchie’s old associate and he got tangled back up with her was because his old girlfriend, Cherie, begged him for help to get her out.

So, for that, the boys had to a job for her then she would have her people help them get to the compound. They were able to cut the power out at the compound to make the Russian soldiers leave and they make their way inside.

“Any idea what this Supe gun is supposed to look like?” M.M. asked Butcher. “Ain't the joy in the discovery, eh?” Butcher said and they look around until they see a large metal tube. What is it?” Hughie asked as they look at it then Butcher looks over some papers nearby while Frenchie looks at this large glass case.

“Hey, there's something here. Look.” Frenchie said as he shines his light into the case where he sees a small hamster inside. “Look, look. Oh.” Frenchie said and M.M. comes up next to him to see the hamster. “Hey. What does it say?” Frenchie asked as he shines his light at the label that was written in Russian. “Says his name is Jamie.” M.M. said before he chuckles. “Jamie. Hi. Are you okay, Jamie?” Frenchie asked the hamster as he taps the glass. “No, no, no, don't fսck with it. Just leave him alone.” M.M. tells him and Frenchie chuckles.

”Aw. Jamie. Who's a handsome, petite, little gerbil?” Frenchie said as the hamster scurried around in the cage and Kimiko comes up and smiles. “It's a hamster. My daughter went through three of them.” M.M. clarifies then suddenly Jamie rapidly pounds around in the case, scaring the others. “Oh, shit! Motherfucking V'd-up hamster.” M.M. said, surprised.

At that moment, alarms start blaring. “told you not to fսck with him. Damn it.” M.M. growls at Frenchie and Butcher turns to them. “Look lively!” He shouts and every pulls out their guns and get ready for a fight.

Immediately, the Russian soldiers come in and start firing at the team and the boys all take cover and fire back at them. One soldier was able to corner Frenchie but Jamie, who had gotten out, flies up and burrows into the soldier’s eye, making him scream out in pain before falling over dead.

“Merci, Jamie.” Frenchie said as he nods to the hamster.

“I'm out!” M.M. shouts and Butcher fires his gun but he stops and looks at the others as they try to take cover. Butcher looks over at Hughie, who was hiding, then smiles at him then walks out. “Oi! Evening, cսոts.” He shouts at the soldiers and he walks out. The soldier firing at him but no damage was done to him, thanks to the Temp V.

The others watch this in shock and disbelief as Butcher uses laser eyes to take out the Russians, then he grabbed the nearest one and breaks his neck. Hughie then noticed a soldier coming up behind M.M. “M.M.!” Hughie shouts and he starts to run then teleports to the soldier and punches through the soldier.

”Oh! Oh! Oh, shit. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Uh...” Hughie grunts and pants then pulls his arm out of the soldiers body, revealing him to be completely naked. Butcher glares at Hughie, realizing that he had taken some Temp V without him knowing, and everyone stared in shock. Kimiko covers her eyes as Hughie chuckles softly. “Your dіck's out.” M.M. said, plainly, and Hughie looks down at himself then goes to grab his clothes and puts them on.

”Butcher?” M.M. asked, angrily. “All right, all right, look, hang about.” Butcher tries to defuse. “You and Hughie both took Compound V? What are you two, fսcking Supes now?” M.M. asked. “Temporary V.” Butcher said then Kimiko signs at him while Hughie picks up the busted cast he was wearing, smiling.

”Oh, she say, Why do you do this to yourself on purpose?" Frenchie translates. “Only lasts 24 hours, all right? Break glass in case of emergencies, you know, like this one.” Butcher said. “And you give this to-to Hughie?” Frenchie asked. “I didn't give it to him. The thieving git must have broken into the case and nicked it.” Butcher said as he glares over at Hughie, who looks at him then stammers.

”Let's just find this thing and get the fսck out of here, all right?” Butcher said and M.M. turns to Hughie. “You're better than this, kid.” He said and Hughie scoffs. “Butcher, I'm...Look...I'm s...I'm sorry, okay? It's just, I...” Hughie said then he laughs softly and everyone walks away from him.

Butcher walks up to the large container and he grabs at the edges of the panel and pulls it open. Smoke billows out of it and everyone steps closer to it to see there was a person inside of it. The smoke starts to clear up and they see it is a man with long hair and a beard, a breathing mask was over his mouth and nose and he was restrained inside. The man lets out a breath which is filtered through the mask and he opens his eyes to look at them, Butcher recognized the man.

“Soldier Boy.” Butcher whispered, shocked. Soldier Boy moved his arms to break the restraints off of his arms then takes off the wires then the mask and starts to walk out of the tube, naked as the day he was born. He looks around at everyone then turns as Frenchie stands in front of him. “Ah... It's okay.” He tries to assure. 

Suddenly, a bright orange glow appears in his chest then bursts out of him, Soldier Boy yells as Kimiko runs to Frenchie and pushes him out of the way as she gets hit with the blast and crashes through the wall. The glow dissipates and Soldier Boy grunts then he stumbles through the hole in the wall and walks away.

“Kimiko. It's okay. Huh? It's okay.” Frenchie said as he goes to Kimiko, but she had a barbed wire through her abdomen and she wasn’t healing like she normally does. “She's not healing. Why she's not healing? Kimiko. Why does she not heal? Kimiko. She's not healing!” Frenchie panicked and the boys gather her up and carry her to their van.

@winchestergirl1720 @deans-spinster-witch @mimaria420 @wirdbeimaufhebengebunden @kitsun369 @jesllianaquilesrolonsworld @deangirl96 @demodemo909 @cassiecasluciluce

[fortunelowtier]

I still 100% unironically wholeheartedly believe that this scuffed ass reality tv show from 2007 where CBS stranded 40 children in the middle of the NM desert a la Lord of the Flies is one of the most genuinely fascinating pieces of TV I've ever watched just because of how ABSURD it is on every level

-Their society is a bizarre Communism/Democracy hybrid whose entire economy is based on the barter system

-There is a set class system everyone is sorted into against their will who each get paid more or less money depending on how high or low they are on the ladder, and at the end of each episode they must compete in competitions to decide who gets to be at the top, with the "strongest" being able to get the esteemed title of "upper class"

-Every time they would complete a challenge, at the very end they were given a choice of 2 things that could be added to the town, to which the leaders of the teams would vote on which to get (For example, in one episode they had to choose between fresh produce or 50 pizzas). One of these things was letters from the children's parents, implying that the adults on site were receiving the mail from these kid's parents and deliberately withholding it from them

-In one episode the district leaders of each of the 4 teams (the classes) go out and find a chest full of buffalo nickels (the town's currency), they bring the chest to the town and naturally, this creates unprecedented inflation near instantly, as there's now a mass amount of currency that suddenly appeared in the economy

-Their entire society existed in relative stability until the moment religion was introduced in the form of various religious texts (Bibles, the Quran, etc), after which the town immediately started to go to shit. The Jewish kids and Christian kids were at each other's throats about which religion was """better""" (because they're children who had religion forced upon them at a young age before they were able to think for themselves but that's an entire can of worms I won't open), while the 1 (one) Hindu kid was trying to keep the peace

-At one point the kids start to crave meat, as their food up to that point was mostly canned goods and various produce, so one of the """eldest""" members of the group, (I say """eldest""" because he was still only like 14 or 15) who had worked as a butchers apprentice, took one of their chickens and lead the kids into the desert to where he then taught them how to decapitate, pluck, drain, and cook a chicken.

-One of the kids later did a Reddit AMA about his experience on the show, where he then disclosed various things that happened outside of the camera such as, but not limited to: Oil burns, a kid drinking bleach, scorpions, venomous snakes, an outbreak of herpes, the lack of showers, the lack of multiple toilets (up until I believe a few weeks in they only had one outhouse), etc etc etc

-The parents of these kids allegedly had to sign a 22 page waiver that was basically CBS going "If ur kids get hurt you can't sue us", specifically noting "acts of god" in the contract of things that they weren't to be held accountable for

-At the end of every week, the 4 leaders got together to choose which person would receive that week's "gold star", a star made out of 20,000 USD of solid gold (around 30k after adjusting for inflation), an unfathomable amount of money to give to kids who likely had no concept as to how much money 20 grand was

-The town used for Bonanza City is actually a ghost town/film set located just 20 miles from Santa Fe used as a filming location for movies like A Million Ways to Die In the West (2014) and The Legend of the Lone Ranger (1981). The reason I bring this up is because it's the same film set in which 14 years later, Alec Baldwin would accidentally discharge a firearm on the set of Rust, resulting in the death of cinematographer Halyna Hutchins

To anyone asking where to watch this, I genuinely don't know. All of the 13 episodes used to be available on YouTube by someone who re-uploaded them in 2010, but the channel was terminated last year. I've heard that there are a few Google Drive folders floating around that have the raw MP4 files and you could watch them that way but you'd probably have to go digging for it

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Saturday Fandom :) This ep is solid gold. We see how Lucy takes care of Tim in her own way in this one. How pranking is one of their natural love languages. The continuous pining era continues on. It’s pretty damn glorious. Let’s get going shall we?

5x06 The Reckoning

We start off with Aaron and Tim. The more we get these two more I love it. Aaron asking Tim if he should be working? Didn’t he just have surgery? Tim deflects and says it was only an old bullet. Mmhmm. Aaron really jumps in after that. Says he heard him talking to Ashley about him grabbing rest of his stuff.... The balls on him LOL Tim straight up walks away from his ass before he can speak more. It’s so funny. Lucy can immediately see how grumpy Tim is as he approaches her.

She stops him and gets him to say good morning. Your girl won’t be ignored Timothy haha Also seeing her and Chris laughing no doubt added to his grumpy fire. He was trying to avoid it all together. Sadly your wife will not allow this. Tim is as civil as he can muster up. Not wanting to say or do more. Truly doesn't want to be around the clown.

So after his pleasantries he takes back off. Leaving Lucy stunned in his wake. She immediately looks to Aaron. Who says too much and yet not enough for her. Lucy is reaching for more but Aaron isn’t stupid. He stumbles around and tries to get away ASAP. Fearing he’s said too much as it is. The fear Tim has instilled in him is hilarious. Lucy is left wondering what the hell is going on with her best friend?

Aaron tries to get Tim talk again. Idk why he thinks he would truly I don't. lol He flames out pretty quickly with the idea. It's a swing and a miss good sir. Only one who gets that is currently not in this shop. They stop to help this director with a prop that fell out. Aaron tries to lift it solo to impress this girl. He fails so badly. Tim has to be tagged in to help him. This is where the premise of this episode begins.

Tim placing his radio down in her truck bed to help. Their hilarious banter kills me while they lift it up. My god it’s amazing Tim doesn’t kill Aaron regularly LOL Poor Tim looks wiped by the time they’re done loading it back up. He has to take a call while Aaron fails miserably at hitting on her. It’s so funny I’m cackling. They get called away while the director takes off with Tim’s radio...

The director finds Lucy of all people to return the radio to. What cracks me up the most is the director's confusion from Lucy's excitement LOL All she wants to do is the right thing with it and get it back to Tim. Here's Lucy 0-60 explosion of happiness with how delighted she is he forgot it. This scene is so great for a couple reasons. First off her calling Tim 'Broody.' I’m dying. I mean he can be pretty broody especially right now. It just kills me that’s how she referred to Tim. Second she seems so confused by Lucy’s excitement.

She starts going off about how Tim is a super cop. How he’s never once let her forget about being late to roll call one time. Asking her 'Can you believe that?' This girl is like ‘Ok….’ She just wanted to drop off a radio LMFAO. Even says ‘You’ll give it to him right? ‘Wondering if Lucy will given how giddy she is about him losing it. Lucy promises her she will…but she just gave her a Christmas present ha Not a good day unless she can mess with her soulmate.

Lucy is about to tell him when we see a look of realization dawn over her. Now we know she knows something is wrong with Tim. For him to forget his radio is a sin he would’ve blasted her to the wall for. She knows he’s off. Just doesn’t know why. Teasing/pranking is one of their love languages. Which is why she chooses this path with his radio going forward. So married even when they aren’t even sharing scenes.

We return to Tim and Aaron ripping apart their shop for his radio. Tim is frantic as he searches for it. Says he’s going to check their kit bag again. It then hits him that the lady they helped has it. Tim knows Aaron was trying to hit on her while he was on the phone. What Tim didn’t see was Aaron absolutely crash and burn with his lines.

So Tim asks if he got her number? Aaron KILLS me with his answer. He seems so cocky with his 'Almost.' I’m rolling. Tim’s reaction is the best part. Like what the hell am I going to do with that info? It’s completely useless and helps him in no way. Their dynamic is hysterical. I don’t know pre-Lucy Tim could’ve handled Aaron the way present day Tim does. lmao

Tim’s phone goes off. It’s someone texting him about his radio. He is so very confused what's happening. Also very agitated they're holding it hostage. Aaron asks who it is? Tim doesn’t know but says they’re in a lot of trouble. Aaron being his rookie self just says to do an incident report. Tim tells him why he can’t do that. I mean a day of suspension for a Sergeant isn't a good look...So I don't blame him for wanting to hunt it down instead. Tim zooms in and say that he knows where this is. So the race begins to find his stolen radio.

The guys arrive at a coffee truck. Aaron making a comment it looks sketchy af LOL Tim defends it saying this is where he gets his coffee every morning. Goes on a mini rant about screen writers and oak milk mafia. I love this man so much. His dislike of screenwriter continues and it's so funny. Aaron saying that line I love so much. That I have used couple times in previous reviews. Telling him he’s like the old dude from UP. I mean he is. haha But we love him just the same.

He asks the owner if she’s seen his radio? She tells him no. It’s then he gets another text of his radio on a studio lot. Aaron is so confused why this is happening. Saying they haven’t asked for money or anything. They could be doing anything with that radio but not this. Tim says he’s not sure but they’re gonna find out.

They make it the studio lot fairly quickly. They find out it’s where Tim’s fav movie was filmed. Aaron starts to put it together little more. Saying first his fav coffee place then his fav movie. Whoever this is texting him knows him really well. It’s then it hits Tim. it’s Lucy. Ain’t no one knows that man better than her. He knows it too. Who else would know about his elitist black coffee spot, favorite movie and the lot it was filmed on? His wife heh.

We get our first real scene of the episode and it’s glorious. They’re about as married as it gets in this scene. I love how post 5x05 they’re back to being flirty and playful. The teasing is top notch in this scene. Tim asks her right off the bat where his radio is? Lucy plays dumb and says maybe a vengeful spirit took it. It is Halloween after all. Tim doesn’t give into her teasing at first. Ask's why she’s doing this? He's SO grumpy Lordy lord. Good thing Lucy is well versed in all things Tim Bradford.

This doesn't phase her in the least. She charges forward with her plan. Continuing to play dumb and says she doesn’t know what he’s talking about… The sarcastic banter really picks up above. He asks if she’s doing this because he was tough on her as a rookie? I mean that could be one reason haha But that isn't THE reason Tim. Lucy is armed with sass and maximum level teasing with her reply ‘We’re you? Gosh, I hadn’t noticed…’

Lucy throws out her bait waiting for him to take a bite. Hoping he does so. Wrapping her concern into some playful banter. Thinking if she offers up her 'help.' He will crack and tell her what's going on with him. Tim holds steady and is just as sassy in his reply. Telling her there is nothing going on with him. Ok Tim....it's not like you're talking to the one person who knows you best or anything...

Lucy drops the playful banter and gets real with him. We can hear the concern in her voice. Especially the way she says 'Are you okay?' She is truly worried about him. She can't stand him being upset and her not knowing why. We do see him soften when she shows that concern for him. His words are saying one thing but his face is saying another. Look at that man above. All soft looks and heart eyes for her asking. For caring.

Despite the sweet look above he is is deflection nation with Lucy in his reply. Come on Timothy of all the people to do this to she is not the one. Can read you like a damn book blind if she had to. The thing to note here is the amount of feelings being shown here. Goodness these two are so damn loud with their feelings. In the middle of the bloody precinct no less. Which has been a thing for them since S4 really. No one could've been shocked they ended up together. If they were they clearly weren't paying attention ha

All Lucy wants to do is fix it for him. It's her natural instinct to do so. But the problem is Tim isn't sharing the problem so she can do this for him. He is being SO stubborn. She truly doesn't understand why he's being this obstinate. The best part of the scene is Lucy legit stomping off in frustration. Can't stand anymore of his games and takes off.

She is so damn mad he won’t just share with her. Share with your wife Timothy. His reaction kills me as well. Eric crushes it with the facial expressions. It's so friggin funny. Tim is just as exasperated with her and she is with him. Gah these two idiots in love. Acting like an old married couple in public. Lucy keeping his damn radio if he’s going to be a stubborn ass LOL I’m dying this scene is masterful.

Lucy comes up to Aaron again seeing if he knows anything. He tells her Tim is just upset about his radio. Lucy offers up she will give him the radio if he just spills it. Aaron holds strong and says he doesn’t know. Tim bypasses her on the way to the shop. Lucy’s sass is fantastic ‘Hi. Good morning.’ Mirroring the one at the beginning of the episode.

Like excuse me hubby you can’t just ignore me and not say hello. Lucy asks the question she already knows the answer to about his radio. Tim tells her it’s in the shop. We hear a call go off for a supervisor. Tim reaches in and grabs this gigantic radio answering dispatch back. Oh Tim...

Lucy’s face is hilarious. Trying not to laugh at his stubborn dumbass. All she wanted you to do was talk my love. Not like you haven't done that before. Now you’ve forced her hand in this prank war LOL Tim is trying so hard to save face with his ‘This is it.’ Lucy giving him crap that hasn’t been standard since the 60s. Tim ignores her and tells Aaron to roll.

Lucy can’t help herself and wants a picture of him with it. I love how cute she is. Tim ignores her and rolls up his window. Her reaction to him shutting window it's so funny. I mean look at HER FACE in that second gif. Like she wasn’t going to think of something to get him to use it. To get back at him for doing that. He brought this on himself. You can’t play these games and expect to win Tim haha

Such a wifey in this moment wanting a pic. I’m laughing so hard about this scene. Lucy tells him to do a radio check. That way she can get her damn pic. Tim’s face is so very over it. I’ve said this many times before. This is the woman you’ve chosen to love Tim LOL Her unbridled joy at thinking of this is so precious. Enjoying her damn self torturing him till he finally fesses up. Can you imagine the camera roll on both of these goobs phones? Probably a plethora of these types of moments. If looks could kill in that 4th gif. Good thing she's immune.

We catch our lovely duo at the end of shift. Lucy comes up with his radio. Hands it back to him. I love how both hold onto it longer than necessary. The symbolism with the radio was seen writers I see you. It was their way of keeping them connected through out this episode. Lucy’s way of staying connected with him. Doing her best to try and distract him. Take care of him in her own way through this prank. One of their love languages whether they admit it or not.

She didn't even know what was wrong but knew she needed to do something for him. Lucy telling him she thought it would be more fun to torture him. Help distract him from whatever he’s going through right now. Wanted to help him get his mind off of whatever is bothering him. Comments she should know better than to get into his personal business... Gah look at the way that man looks at her after she says that. To paraphrase Chandler Bing 'Could he be anymore in love with her?’ You are his personal business Lucy Chen.

All that’s been running around in his mind since you kissed him in 4x22. Tell me you’re in love without saying you are. That’s both of them in this scene. Especially our boy. Tim see's what she did for him. He can’t let her walk away without explaining. This is such growth for him. Look at this man sharing why he’s upset with her. Being truthful and honest about what happened. Lucy’s ‘I’m sorry.’ I truly think she is sorry for him but not for the situation. Inside I’m sure she’s doing victory dance of epic proportions.

He then does Lucy one more solid. Tells her he appreciates her radio gag. That it did help take his mind off things. I love this sfm. Not only has this man shared his feelings with her he then does this. My damn heart. Being so vulnerable in this moment with her. If you don’t see the growth that is this moment for Tim you haven’t been paying attention. I’m so proud of him. Look how far he's come. All because of that beautiful human in front of him. Beautiful inside and out. The impact she has had on this man is unreal.

Also It’s heart eyes nation out here and we’re all here for it. I mean she pranked him so he would feel better. And then he did. That’s love people. Also so very on brand for them it’s insane. Another thing I adore is he is going out of his comfort zone. All to thank her for what she did for him. Not just be annoyed but thank her. 'Started from the bottom now were here.' Oh my lord the growth. Let's not bypass the affectionate stares Lucy is throwing his way as well. This is a two way street of heart eyes and affection in this moment.

The way he looks at her when after she says ‘Well, good.’ Look at that man above. Might as well be a billboard that screams ‘Tim Bradford is hopelessly in love with Lucy Chen.’ Also my god he looked delicious as hell in that shirt. Dark blue does him wonders mmm. That’s my fav color with my fav human. Double yum. Plus biceps on display. Sinfully delicious this man.

Anyways heh There is so much left unsaid and tension between them. You can see it above. There is more Tim wants to say. It reminds me of their parking lot chat in 4x22. Where Lucy is holding her breath as she waits for it. Tim trying to build up the courage to say it. Before he can the clown walks over. Having no idea what he’s just walked into.

Chris comes barreling in like an idiot. Or maybe for once he senses something. But that might be giving him too much credit. Lucy asking if Tim wants to join them? I mean that sounds like legit hell to Tim. He understands her motives though. Maybe if it was just her….Tim does his patented fake Sanford smile. The one where it doesn’t really touch his eyes.

He’s just uncomfortable and wants to go. Look at his body language all he wants to do is flee. He declines and tells them to have fun. You can see Chris's face is slightly confused when Lucy offers this. Like why are you offering for your boss to join us? Cause she's in love with him but you're not gonna put that together. What a ignorant putz lol

We talk about the pinning era in this first half a lot. This one moment is the most epic of the pinning. Tim Bradford is legit LONGING for Lucy out in the open. How he blatantly turns back to watch them go. My poor heartbroken man. The way he drops his arm in defeat. Frustrated she’s with Chris and not him. Gah it's so good. Tim looking devastated she’s with the clown. That he has to go home alone without her. That mistake from 4x12 coming back to haunt him in this moment. Watching as they leave with deep longing and want in his eyes for her. He sighs and climbs into his truck.

Both of their looks are saying so much in this moment. This is what I mean by angsty goodness. Hurts so good to watch these kind of scenes. Lucy sensing his eyes on her and looks right back. The game has changed for her now he’s not with Ashley. It shows as she gazes back at Tim. She's supposed to be present with the clown...but her look indicates she is anything but that. Lucy is back at that truck mentally with Tim as she returns that look. She is throwing out just as much love and longing as Tim is in these looks of theirs. She is feeling what he is throwing down and feels the pull to him. Damn good ep good I love the pining era. It’s *chef kiss*

~~~

Side notes-non Chenford

James and Nyla was goodness per usual always enjoy their SL’s

Wes’s SL was ROUGH. Elijah winning and his past being drug up in this one. I wanted to smack him a bit and so did Angela lol

Thank you as always to the amazing readers of these reviewer. Your likes, comments and reblogs fuel my soul and I adore you all. See you in 5x07 :)

[notafragilething]

9-1-1 Rewatch: 1x01 Pilot

Today begins the start of my rewatch and omg, they're all babies in this. Most of what this post is going to include is me rambling, making random connections and just sharing my stream of thoughts. Hopefully you enjoy. These are roughly in order of how they happened but I may go back and add details.

Buck's a kinky fuck boy with a heart of Gold. Literally the first real scene we have that focuses on Buck is him stealing a firetruck to have semi-public sex with a girl (whose name he doesn't even know) in it. Something that happens TWICE this episode. I'm glad he grows out of the fuck boy portion of this but not his love for kinky sex. This episode also has the scene that instantly made him my favorite: him running to the ambulance with the premature baby. Oliver is just really good at doing so much with his facial expressions and body language.

Bobby and Religion: Watching Bobby trying to talk the jumper down by explaining to her that everyone who has survived immediately regretted the decision just has so many more layers now that I know what Bobby was planning at this point in time.

Chimney: Seeing him dating someone that isn't Maddie is just weird and I don't like it. I honestly forgot this whole girlfriend even existed.

Athena: God she's fucking hot and badass and I'm obsessed.

Abbey: I didn't mind her the first time I watched this but now that I know how her storyline ends she kinda bugged me this time around.

Overall thoughts: This was actually a pretty solid episode. I liked the calls, even if none of them involved a fire, and I still love how they established Buck, Bobby and Athena in this one.

[la-pheacienne]

Alright my take about the first episode, as unbiased and neutered down as I can possibly make it. There will be a choosing violence spree but I'm saving it for later, we just started.

Good:

Better wigs

Rhaenyra. Specifically when she comes back and the camera only shows her back and Daemon rushes to her and she says nothing and moves forward and asks for Aemond Targaryen, that was gold. God I want those greens obliterated one by one.

That kid who plays Jace is way too young for me but oh boy. I am not normal when I see him on screen.

Starkfest opening scene and Targ x Stark alliance, how they're so different yet have actual respect for one another. The very heart of asoiaf. Yes.

Jace serving Book!Jon Snow.

Daemon desperately wanting to kill someone and not being able to is hilarious. Let the man commit murder with his own bare hands ffs, thanks.

Thank god we didn't see severed baby heads flying around the room that was a correct writing and directing choice.

Aegon. I really like him. He is the one green player I actually respect as an antagonist because he is disgusting but feels real, with a solid characterization. The acting is just so effortless. He's also different than all the villains we've seen in GoT, I enjoy seeing him on screen. If only this story was adapted properly with focus on Rhaenyra from one side and Aegon on the other, instead of Rhaenicent. If only.

A Lannister being the clown of the group and having a beef with a child, I love the continuity.

Blood and Cheese wandering around the corridors. Watching the entire process prior to the crime, even the less important, gritty details that are normally not the focus of a narrative (like the logistics of reaching the destination) elevates the scene.

Bad:

The actual Blood and Cheese scene was not it. I didn't want to see the head flying around with blood everywhere, yes, but this is such a notorious scene and the writers should have treated it as such. Helaena offering a necklace when they asked for her son was heartbreaking to me, but her reaction when they actually killed her son does not cut it, even if we take her neurodivergence into account. Also the juxtaposition between the horror of the murder and alicole boning could have worked in another context but not here, not for this scene, not when a child just got butchered like that. Very tacky.

Alicent continues to be the main problem of the show. I do not get her motivations, I do not get what she wants, what she thinks or how she feels. I did not get her fight with Otto either. What are they actually fighting about? Where is their disagreement? It is truly not clear because Alicent's stance is not clear.

Rhaenicent being a classic case of tell not show, but I talked about this in a separate post.

Cannot fucking stand Aemond god help me that boy is lifeless. Why did they do this to the actor. Why can't he have more than one expression. Jesus.

Rhaenys girl why. Why. "Would that you were the king" baby girl that is not how this entire thing works. Just, no. Also another victim of the lifeless royal syndrome.

Kind of boring overall but I loved some moments.

[councilman-horsemeat]

The Greatest Star Trek Characters, Ranked

I was recently reading a few articles ranking the various Star Trek characters and got really infuriated. I started punching my solid wood table until my fists were blooded and filled with splinter. Kirk, Spock, Picard- who gives a shit? There was no flavor, no spice to these lists. After taking a long walk and eating some meal, I decided I oughta make my own. Here it goes; In no particular order, so they're not actually ranked at all.

Sylvia Tilly Star Trek: Discovery is full of people whose lives have sucked, in a way which reflects their outlook on life. Some are hardened, some burdened, some both. Sylvia Tilly offers a delightful contrast to these characters. I’m not through the first season of Discovery yet, but I hope she and Michael Burnham become best friends forever.

Mobar (Fake Tuvok) Part of a criminal group that travels the Delta quadrant scamming various strangers through various schemes. Mobar and his friend Dala ended up acting as Tuvok and Janeway, fooling hapless aliens into joining the “Federation”, which meant little more than handing over their starships or cargo. Mobar ended up getting WAY into character, oftentimes chastising his fellow criminals for not adhering to Starfleet protocols. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to make him not a criminal, and in the end he went down like a chump. RIP to a legend. I don’t think he died but whatever.

Dax (Jadzia, Ezri and Curzon/Odo) Jadzia Dax, our first true look into what trill really are. The fusion of Jadzia and Dax created a woman with wisdom far beyond her years, enough to make her approach life in a very confident, laid-back way. This, along with her highly analytical mind and charm, would have made her a perfect ship’s captain. Gone too soon.

On the other hand, I really liked Ezri Dax too. I’m conflicted, because seeing what it’s like for an unprepared, naive trill to be joined (despite never training to) was really interesting, and I even wish we got more than just the one season with her- but I also wish Jadzia could have been around for the finale.

When they were temporarily joined in a trill ritual, Curzon brought a certain down-in-the-dirt, slob attitude to the usually uptight Odo. I really liked him. He could have been less of a pervert.

Bearded Geordi LaForge Beautiful. Majestic. Just a touch of rogueish charm. Too bad he only had it for two episodes and like some movies or whatever.

Mirror Sarek I understand WHY he has a goatee. They needed to make him visually distinct from normal Sarek and it’s an homage to mirror Spock from way back when. The problem is that the homage only works if you didn’t already think mirror Spock’s goatee is funny as hell. They also call him the prophet for some reason. All in all a weird guy, which means I like him.

Neelix He brought a genuine heart of gold to the crew of the voyager when they needed it the most. A rock, a true friend and a shoulder to lean on. His friendship with Tuvok allowed him to occasionally bring out a different side of the indomitable vulcan. I also liked that his eye color randomly changed with no in-show explanation.

T’pring Spock’s almost-wife T’pring probably has the quickest turnaround from “WTF why is she so needlessly brutal” to “she’s a genius and she’s so logical” of any Star Trek character. She will always have my respect.

Sela It’s just really funny to me that she had all that buildup on top of already being the return of a written-off main character’s actor. And then like, nothing happened.

Kai Winn Opaka There’s something so incredibly about Louise Fletcher’s performance as Kai Winn in the later seasons that I sometimes have a hard time putting into words. She just captures the self-righteous, holier-than-thou, but also absolutely desparate character in such a captivating way- while also maintaining this underlying confidence and power.

“Klingon Chef” Deep Space Nine’s resident Klingon chef/opera singer showed a side of Klingon culture we don’t often see - the civilian side. He truly made the most of his few appearances, and I will always love him for it.

Seven of Nine (Possessed) Maybe it’s because of Seven’s usually stoic, reserved demeanour, but seeing Jeri Ryan take on the exaggerated personalities of a Klingon warrior, a Ferengi DaiMon, and the EMH of the USS Voyager amongst others, was one hell of a lot of fun. Enough fun to end up on this list! Unfortunately, not enough for that Oscar nom. Next time!

Dr. Michael Dingo Dingo’s brief stint as nurse aboard the Enterprise-D established him as little more than a grumpy old man, but he really shone after his promotion to main cast member and CMO of the USS Pioneer. His usual snarky personality being torn down upon meeting his long-believed-to-be-dead wife went down as one of my favorite moments in all of Star Trek. His refusal to poison the crew on behalf of his madly sick captain gave me goosebumps.

Lwaxana Troi She started out as no more than “Deanna Troi’s Annoying Mom” but evolved into so much more across her many appearances. Absolutely wonderfully played by Majel Barrett, the writers explore many facets of sorrow, motherhood, and what it means to grow old. I also believe that she should have ended up with Odo instead of Nerys, but whatev.

Falow The leader of the Wadi, a gamma quadrant species that value various types of games above all else. He and his entourage visit Deep Space Nine and end up throwing the main cast INTO a highly-advanced video game where they think they’ll actually die, but it’s actually just a game. What I like most is that he truly looks like the Most Advanced Gamer. If I was a highly advanced space-gamer this is what I would want to look like.

Riker Picard’s number one actually features on a lot of these lists. They usually list his loyalty or how cool he is or whatever. I’m mostly interested in his absolutely off-the-charts adventurous spirit. He was the first starfleet officer to serve aboard a klingon ship and was GLAD to eat gagh. When he learned that a trill symbiont needed a new host he practically jumped at the chance, despite the fact that no human had ever hosted a trill symbiont before. And he had absolutely no shame in wearing his slutty outfit in ‘Angel One’. There’s many similarities between Riker and Kirk, but Kirk would never have worn it so proudly.

Horny/drunk-ish Picard Patrick Stewart’s performance as a pseudo-drunk and very horny Jean-Luc Picard in The Naked Now has seared itself into my mind forever. It’s like he’s screaming, but also whispering, and sort of putting on an accent? Deciding just how to portray the usually stoic captain so completely out of his element must have been quite the challenge, and Patrick Stewart ended up making some very inspired choices.

Alyssa Ogawa She may not have done much more than help out in medbay every now and then, but the conversations between her and Crusher were the first to show that the main crew actually DO have friends outside the “inner circle”. Does that truly earn her a spot on a list of the greatest Star Trek characters of all time? Probably not but I don’t really care and neither should you.

Grand Nagus Zek Every time he got more screentime I remembered how much I loved his dumbass voice. His shrill bleating is hilarious, and every time he shows up I can’t wait to find out what his latest scheme is. His behavior towards women is regrettable, but that’s true for a lot of Star Trek men and unlike most of them, Zek actually sort-of changes.

Ishka And who is Zek without Rom and Quark’s moogie Ishka? Despite the usual underestimatable Ferengi personality traits, I genuinely believe Ishka could have one of the highest power levels in all of Star Trek canon. Women not even having the right to wear clothes has been a part of Ferengi culture for centuries and she managed to turn it around COMPLETELY in a handful of years. If she put her mind to it, I genuinely believe she could have brokered peace between the Cardassians and Bajorans, and that’s on the prophets.

Jae Yeah, I got a bit of a crush on this frankly random Enterprise-D crewmember. I think she’s friends with Picard? She sat next to him at a poetry reading once. I’m not sure if she even had any speaking lines.

[28dayslater]

good evening to you all and welcome to cockmojo where tonight we will be counting down my personal top ten terror cocks

those unaffiliated with footyblr may be unfamiliar with the term cock as it’s being used here: all will become clear in time

special mention before we start to the netsilik hunter (sexy man, deserved a name and some screentime) james clark ross but only in the first episode when he’s all rugged and his beard’s grown out, and mr blanky, who, much like knife dad, fuccs like a broken train but he runs on time if you know what i mean

in a very respectable tenth place finish, billy gibson. i didn’t see the vision until 1. it was pointed out to me that he looks a lot like pau torres, who is himself very cockable, and 2. i rewatched the scene where he breaks up with hickey. known shagger, massive hater, a very pointy nose, he’s scraped a place on this list.

a surprise entry at ninth is john irving. inarguably cute in a sort of late 2000s british indie band bassist way, and while i’m not sure i could fix him (he probably needs a man for that) i do think i would have fun trying. ultimately he’s not higher because he’s kind of annoying and his eyebrows piss me off.

representing the dilves at eighth is doctor macdonald. he’s entrancing to me he has this vibe of like gentle paternal indulgence... like even if you were annoying he’d be very fond of you. and i need that. when he said “i’d like to run that man through” and rubbed his eyes and looked so tired, i really felt something. the crow’s feet, the widow’s peak, the hair, yes!!

doing it for the feminists, in seventh we have harry goodsir. the loveliest guy on the expedition until he goes nastymode, and i’m fully on board with both versions. this picture was chosen for a reason and it’s bc his long curly hair full beard miserable expression era was simply unbeatable. unfortunately, and this is maybe the most insane thing i’ve ever said about a man, or at least top ten, when his half eaten corpse was laid out face down, and it had noticeable back hair, i got the ick. just to add insult to injury :/

i’m as surprised as you are that he’s not higher, number six, james fitzjames! he is my pretty pretty princess. nails, hair, hips, heels. high femme queen in his cunty little outfits ordering the men around. i want to brush his hair, one hundred strokes minimum. i think this is less sexual than some others on this list, it’s more appreciation. but my god do i appreciate him.

stay alive, number five, it’s thomas jopson. most beautiful haunted doll in the arctic, but that pretty face is covering up a seriously compelling #WeirdGuy underneath. all the shiny hair in the world can’t hide an obsession with his boss that in the modern era would be getting him a very serious meeting with HR. what a character, servicetopson you rock my world. but at the end of the day he loses points because i hate the beard. garrigan looks great with a beard in other stuff, i really don’t know why the scurvybeard was so foul. terror hair and makeup department GET IT TOGETHER. 

number phwoar, henry collins is here! he’s big he’s sweet he’s deeply mentally unstable he needs a cuddle and we’ve all seen that gif of him in aliens. would love to make him a really nice cup of tea (seems like a two sugars man), pet his hair as he rests his head in my lap, then fuck up my hip flexors. 

and now... we enter our top three. who’s made it to the prestigious cock podium?

first up, the winner of our bronze cock medal, which presumably he’ll be flogging for an unreasonable price to someone he’s assured it’s solid gold, “cornelius hickey”! people will bitch and moan about how he’s a violent lunatic who’s killed people like i’m not a cuti romero stan 🙄 i can see beyond that, my third eye is firmly open. the potential for a fun toxic relationship is absolutely off the charts bc that’s the only kind he has. and he’s very pretty when he cries. i can forgive a lot of crimes for a man whose nose entrances me.

in second place, such a close runner up, i have to award this honour to edward little. a pedestrian choice, you might think, if you don’t know the lore. i couldn’t fully explain my feelings towards this secondary character who’s not especially exciting on first watch when i started the show until i googled his actor... although i lacked the words to express this at the time i was cocking this man when i was 13 and he first appeared in misfits with a stupid neck tattoo and a horrible suit, and i cock him again now. this is a cock that’s followed me all my life, even though i forgot he existed for about a decade in between. who else can truly say they’ve EARNED a spot on my list like he has? he’s sad, he’s sopping wet, i could make him cry extremely easily. mwah

and finally...

number one. it had to be him, it was always going to be him. solomon tozer, take a bow and i’ll take ten cranberry pills. sol is thee top cock for so many reasons and chief among them is versatility. whatever you need he can be it. handsome soldier boy in a fancy red uniform that shows off his trim little waist? COCK! hostile violent mutineer throwing his life away in a rebellion? COCK! broken man inducted into a cult who cries about it? COCK!!! sexiest man in the damn arctic i know he was beating the boys off with a stick. there is a certain level of sexiness a man can reach where nothing he does is an ick, and i knew he’d reached that for me once i saw him in that insanely stupid hat at sir john’s funeral and didn’t give a fuck. call him tom jones the way he can leave his hat on. keep thotting it up in heaven/hell king i miss you every day. i know it was huge. my heart hurts.

[animehouse-moe]

GUND-ARM: A Ray Of Hope

So, definitely a lot going on with the episode, but I've got to start off with the little promotional video they did for the new company. Incredibly cute and actually impressive how well they animated it. The tine of green around Aerial from the green screen. The slight desync between Aerial and Suletta. The off-key singing, the background noise from animals. There's a lot of effort put into making the quality of the video seem low, which is pretty impressive in a way.

A quick interlude before the meat of the episode however, featuring Suletta and her mother. I do feel really bad for Suletta, because she just wants to feel safe and loved, rather than discerning the truth from her mother's words.

But unfortunately Prospera and Suletta are on different wavelengths, as is evident in Prospera's comment about people attacking Gundams.

There really is something that feels sinister to Prospera's words. She's taking Suletta's passion and desire for love from her mother and twisting it to the benefit of her plot, which is hard to experience when viewers get to see it as that rather than how Suletta is processing it.

As a side note I feel like that's something they've done really well. Typically it can be hard to understand things from the perspective of a character when you see them as something else entirely, but I feel like GWitch has done a really solid job with that, though I can't quite put my finger on why.

Anyways, the real content of the episode starts as Shaddiq begins his attempt to schmooze the girls to get in on GUND-ARM, and overall I think it's a compelling piece to the story that works. Sure, it's already happened twice in different capacities, but Miorine is Delling's daughter, and Suletta has the best and potentially only "accepted" Gundam currently. It's a gold mine that everyone wants a piece of.

What I find interesting though is he's the first with agency out of all the contenders. He goes against his adoptive father's ideals and provides a fresh angle in the contention of Gundams in this world.

And I mean, it both fits his character and works. He's been passive the entire time we've known him as character, letting everyone else do the heavy lifting. And at the same time, trying to seize Aeriel through direct means has proven to fail countless times, so Shaddiq is certainly finding himself on the right track.

I do enjoy this final scene with Shaddiq though, as once more he allows others to do the work for him. He has an interesting emotion lingering on his face though. It's a bit hard to put into words, but to me it feels almost like rumination. He's definitely deep in thought because he doesn't move the cup anywhere, and casting his eyes downward make it feel like a more negative thought process. He talked about a prior business affair with Miorine when they were younger, so it could be that he's lamenting over what could have been since she denied his involvement. Regardless, it's a nice touch, and presents an interesting tidbit, all the girls have strongly isolated personalities. The smug "you get what you deserve", the empathetic "I feel bad for her", the enthuastic "don't worry we'll cheer her up!", and the cold and calculated business personality.

The other bit from this episode was the politics of the Earth house. I really, really enjoy the different perspectives and worldviews that this small little group possess. They've all been exposed to varying influences and challenges, so they all come out with different opinions and ideas. Yeah, they definitely have overlap, but at the same time, an Earthian that doesn't want to stand out and is somewhat placative to Spacians is in direct opposition to another Earthian on the same issue. It's not a black and white image made by these characters, nor is it really even that gray. There's lots of approaches and understandings that sell the politics and ideals of the world incredibly well. Given how some series handle the concepts of racism/xenophobia/etc, The Witch From Mercury really is proving to provide a great measuring stick for other storytellers.

I just really love it as an emotional piece to the story. It shows how prejudice and war has fractured communities and peoples, without getting into traumatizing or terrible actions to prove it. It's a rare case of words speaking just as loud as actions, and I think it works great for kids that are trying to lead a normal life at school. They're not trying to delve deep into painful memories, but rather make the most of the present and provide change.

All that said, I'm really curious to see where this next episode takes us. There's potential for Prospera and Bel to play more active roles since they're under Suletta and Miorine now, but that all depends on the outcome from the changes Shaddiq made now.

[popculturebuffet]

Next up for Cartoon Network era of shows, who is your favorite character from each of the mid-2000s CN City-era shows you've seen like: Megas XLR, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi, Life & Times of Juniper Lee, Camp Lazlo, My Gym Partner's a Monkey, Ben 10 2005, Squirrel Boy, and Class of 3000?

Okay since I didn't fuckup last time we can jump straight in

Megas XLR: Coop. He's a fun walking disaster and voice acted amazingly. As for the show itself.. it's pure gold to me. A classic. A fun, nonsensical mech show with a clever premise and beautiful animation. It could use a tweak or two if it was revivied, but I dig it.

Fosters Home for IMaginary Friends; Wilt. He's one of Phil Lamar's best rolls, has a great design and the good wilt hunting special fleshed him out heartbreakingly. As for the show itself it's pretty good: it does suffer from that issue the earlier cn shows had where sometimes it's a bit too mean spirited, but it's not nearly as frequent and the colorful character design, wonderful premise, and truly outstanding cast from Frankie, everyone who was into women's crush as a kid, to Herriman who I hated as a kid (and still do at times, he's a prick), but now respect as a more complicated genltemanly prick who simply need to ease up a bit, but you get WHY he's like this as he's running a pretty wacky boarding house and madam foster while kind isn't really doing the day to day stuff. A truly great cartoon.

Hi HI Puffy AmiYumi: I like yumi. As for the series itself..ehhh. Besides the obvious of "You shoudln't of had two american women, even really talented ones, play two japanese women', it's just kinda .. there? the music's good, the character design is great, but it's got no real substance. Maybe on a rewatch i'd be wrong, but it's just kinda eh.

Life and Times of Juniper Lee: Out of the regular cast, Dennis, who evolved from "just kinda being there" to "a fun addition to the main cast". Supporting it's Kai Yee, as most of June's rogue's gallery is weak (Aunti Roo and Loki accepted), but he was the shot in the arm the series needed and had the series stuck around I wouldn't be suprised if we saw him again. The show itself is solid though: Judd WInnick copied Buffy's notes well, while adding his own spin to things, and the tragic idea of June being stuck is heartbreaking but intresting. IT has a good mythology, a solid lead and it's only weakness was June's friends being locked out, which is something they WERE going to work on but got canclled. Not in the highest tier of the animated superhero shows at the time (Jake Long eats it's lunch), but still worthy of being part of them all the same.

Camp Lazlo: Hard choice as everyone is pretty great, but I have to go with Edward who started as just a generic bully but evolved into this petty dick who can't accept no one likes him for good reason that just stands out to me. I do mean it when I say I love pretty much everyone though. This show is a fond part of my childhood, one I wish was streaming on max and given hbo's current practices, will hopefully land on Tubi as it's underated. Admiteely I love a good summer camp story, and this series might be why, so i'm biased.. but my love for Joe Murray's other big work helps me see it was also just THAT good, a fun summer camp adventure. Ignore the finale I haven't seen and don't intend to, but enjoy everything else. This series is a treasure that's on rocko's level, at least from memory and deserves all the praise.

My Gym Partner's A Monkey: MONKEY MONKEY MONKEY. I like Ingrid for her having to lean down and crush on Adam and I like Principal Bulfrog for both being hilarous and being at the center of the only episode I really loved so let's call this a tie. Their both great. And as you can tell by that last part yeah.. I hate this one. It has a decent if stupid premise, but it leans way too heavily on kafka comedy: adam tends to get buffeted around for no reason, jake is an asshole, and most of the cast follows suit. Even Bullfrog is a dick, he's just at least you know.. funny. The episode with the robot teachers is the one I like.. because it's just wacky nonsense and ends with a wizard for some reason. The show had chaotic energy but squandred it on making adam miserable when he'd done nothing wrong.

Ben 10: Vilgax. Max was close, he's a great mentor.. but Vilgax is such a memorable villian despite only showing up as an ominous guy in a tube for most of season one and only in his full glory four times, one of which I haven't seen. But Steve Blum leaves an impression for him, this unstoppable MONSTER who easily tears through Bens creatures. Ghostfreak is also close, but Vilgax has more personalitY: While his goals are simple, to conquer you get a sense of arrogance and superiority he ENTIRELY backs up. The series made their own thanos or darkseid and it was glorious. He suffers a bit in the sequels as the mouth thing was a BAD design choice, but man is he great. As for the series itself.. also great. Really need to rewatch it at some point, but it's a solid superhero show and sets itself apart from the other kid sueprhero works of the time.. by having it be a child instead of a teen, with all the impulsivness, over the top names and enthusasim that entails. Ben's a brat, but he's not a bad kid and his childish impulsivness lets the series go more places. The concept of taking dial h for hero and applying truly awesome alien designs to it is fucking brilliant and improves on the original idea amazingly. Add in tons of lore, great villians 3/4 seasons, and you can see why Cartoon Network milked this series as long as it did and why it'll probably return some day after some cooling off.

Squirrel Boy: Kurtwood Smith dad only for virtue of being voiced by Kurtwood Smith. I almost picked no one. This show wasn't good, it was boring and I don't like it. A waste of everyone involved and not one I really care to revisit. It's probably not bad as my memory but lord it isn't good.

Class of 3000: SING, NA NA NA NA NA. Principal Luna both for being consitantly funny and his awesome music number. And I only didn't see season 2 because I wasn't aware it happened till it was too late. I need to rewatch this one. A true cult classic that deserved better: Andre 3000 was clearly all in and game for whatever, the series itself had a great cast, and the musical numbers are all bangers all the time.

So that ends this one. Next I see a LOT more superhero shows coming, robots in disguise and more. I actually love doing this as it givces me a chance to talk about great shows I simply haven't yet.

[sshbpodcast]

Character Spotlight: Tom Paris

By Ames

Strap in and get ready to go fast! A Star to Steer Her By has Tom Paris in the driver’s seat for this week’s character spotlight. Tom is a solid character throughout all of Voyager, with many faults that leave him room to develop over the seasons. He starts off as kind of a badboy with a heart of gold and grows into a good friend, loving husband, proud father, and designer of the Delta Flyer… who occasionally still dabbles into badboy with a heart of gold for fun.

Lt. Paris has a ton of hobbies (perhaps too many hobbies) for the show to mine for plots, but deep down, he’s just a guy with a ton of pressure on his shoulders, looking to redeem himself from past mistakes, and I give Voyager some credit for the Best Moments we’ll explore below, and even for some of the Worst Moments too. So pick a character from The Adventures of Captain Proton and hop in the holodeck with us as we highlight all things Paris below and on this week’s podcast episode (speed over to 55:35). Invaders! Invaders!

[Images © CBS/Paramount]

Best moments

Am I discerning a personal problem here, gentlemen? We can’t be the only ones who hated the childish love triangle between Neelix, Kes, and Paris, and clearly the writers were sick of it too because they knew enough to fix it. Watching Paris and Neelix putting aside their differences in “Parturition,” while predictable and a little obvious, was exactly what their characters needed to get rid of that jealous rivalry no one asked for.

To infinity! And beyond! I will always defend “Threshold” … up until the last five or so minutes of the episode, which go off the rails. But up until then, we get so much great character work from Tom. His speech alone about how much pressure his father put on him to make something of himself and that’s why he needs to be the one to break the warp 10 barrier makes up for all the lizard babies out there.

Always make a pilot your wingman Paris is also just a good guy to all his friends on the ship, even the Doctor, with whom he’s constantly butting heads. So when the EMH is seeking advice for how to progress his relationship with Danara Pel in “Lifesigns,” Tom is there to suggest a trip to makeout point in the back of a Chevy convertible, which definitely does the trick!

There has been a spy aboard Voyager, but it isn’t Tom Paris While I was quick to give Tuvok some sass for how convoluted, dangerous, and bad his plan in “Investigations” was, Tom is what made it work in the end. He plays his part so well that he is able to foil Seska’s plan, expose the true traitor on the Voyager, and save the ship from attack by Kazons. And it is nice of him to apologize for all the insubordination part of the plan.

The cavalry’s here! Speaking of foiling Seska’s plans, Tom gets to save the day from her and the Kazons yet again in “Basics”! Where Chakotay was always too trusting of that secret Cardassian, Tom knows exactly where to tell Seska to shove it. His efforts allow him to escape the commandeered ship to bring back Talaxian reinforcements, sneak a message to the EMH, and thwart the Kazons for good!

I’m telling you again, he’s mine The friendship between Tom and Harry starts all the way back in the premier and comes a long way throughout Voyager, but it is on special display in “The Chute.” Tom protects Harry when he first arrives at the Akritirian prison, even getting stabbed to try to get them a chance at escaping, all while resisting the clamp that was agitating all the inmates’ minds.

Sexy, in a Howdy Doody sort of way You either enjoy or get fed up with the antics of an episode like “Future’s End,” but you’ve got to admit that Tom had chemistry like whoa with Rain Robinson. Watching two B movie fans geek out in the SETI lab was just endearing, and it makes me kinda wish we could have kept Rain around a little longer if only so she and Tom could play something silly on the holodeck.

If you let these instincts take over now, you’ll hate yourself We’ve scolded both Tuvok and Torres for their rapey actions in “Blood Fever” (and here’s an extra scold for Vorik, that dick), but the crew member who treats the situation correctly is Paris. He rightly declares that he will not take advantage of a person who has no ability to consent due to the pon farr, which should be a bar low enough for most people to easily clear.

You’ll miss the whole point of what it means to have a family Again we see Paris being a supportive friend in “Real Life” when the Doctor declares he’s shut down his holo-family program. Tom provides the human perspective that the Doc has needed and convinces him to let the rest of the story play out in a really lovely little peptalk. EMH really seems to get something out of experiencing both the good and the bad sides of real life.

Does the name Captain Bligh mean anything to you? While we were torn in our assessment of Chakotay’s handling of Annorax in “Year of Hell,” we know exactly where we stand on Tom’s approach: a standing ovation. Tom sticks to his guns in refusing to help the Krenim mess with the timeline, getting more blood on their hands. Instead, it’s his provoking Obrist to mutiny that ends up allowing Janeway to take them out in style!

Heavy is the chest that wears the puppet Though we’ll see in a moment that Tom does a lot of dumb things in his relationship with B’Elanna, they’re also a great match and truly love each other. We see this in “Nothing Human” when Torres is stuck under a puppet the entire episode, and Paris is at her bedside pretty much the whole time, being with her and keeping her spirits up.

I hereby reduce you to the rank of Ensign We, and many many fans apparently, have a jaded view of the Prime Directive sometimes. Tom is fully for breaking it in order to save the Moneans’ water planet in “Thirty Days,” standing up supportively for the little guy. So we frankly applaud his efforts, even if certain captains ensured they’d fail, when he tries to do what was morally right even if it breaks a frequently stupid rule.

—

Worst moments

At least he’s a step above Nick Locarno When we first meet Tom Paris in “Caretaker,” he’s in a Federation penal settlement in New Zealand, serving time for covering up a pilot error that caused the deaths of three other officers, which is a coward’s move even if he eventually fessed up to it. This sets him up for a character redemption arc, which I’ll at least say other Robbie McNeil–played characters don’t deserve.

Isn’t there some Indian trick where you can turn yourself into a bird and fly us out of here? What’s less forgivable is this line from “Caretaker” in which Tom makes some racist comment about Chakotay’s indigenous heritage that just comes off as crude. This line insinuating that Chakotay can turn into a bird comes absolutely out of nowhere and probably only serves to remind the audience that his character is Native American, and also that Tom is a tactless pig.

Birds of a feather, stick together On the subject of birds: whatever relationship Tom had with Lidell in “Ex Post Facto” was a terrible idea. Janeway talks so much smack to Harry when he has a consensual adult relationship with Tal in “The Disease,” when really she should have gotten on Tom’s case for having an affair with this molting bird woman who acts like a femme fatale out of a noir.

A whole crew full of women and I have to fall for the one I can’t have Another woman whom Paris really shouldn’t have gone for was Kes. We really don’t know what the writers were thinking with this love triangle, as it makes Tom look like a sleaze and Neelix look like a brute. Tom buys Kes a necklace in “Twisted,” when it was inappropriate as hell. And then “Parturition” starts with him moaning about his crush and being a big baby about it.

The house always wins Tom continues to look like a sleaze when he starts a sort of gambling ring for replicator rations in “Meld.” Tom’s sure got a lot of room to grow in this show because he does start off as this ne’er-do-well character, who is clearly taking advantage of his crewmates and pocketing all the replicator rations for himself because there’s never a winner of their little lottery pools.

Go, grease monkey, you’re burning up the quarter mile At some point, the show just decides Tom is going through a perpetual midlife crisis: adopting more hobbies than any other crewman; neglecting his duties, friends, and girlfriend; and generally seeming like a douche. And the episode that exemplifies this is “Vis à Vis,” in which he gets so fixated on fixing up a ‘69 Chevy Camaro that he becomes insufferable to everyone.

Building a new vessel from scratch, that’s an engineer's dream come true As I said last time, I mostly like Tom and B’Elanna as a couple, but every so often you wanna smack him for how oblivious he is. So while he does create the Delta Flyer in “Extreme Risk,” Paris ends up so distracted it makes him look like a buffoon because he hasn’t noticed that his partner has been having a crisis ever since learning months ago that her Maquis friends died.

The rain in Spain falls mainly in my brain This one’s mostly on the Doctor, but in case we don’t bring it up in a couple weeks when we spotlight his character, let’s blame Tom a little bit for this one too. The two of them make that inconsiderate bet about Pygmalion’ing Seven into a lady in “Someone to Watch Over Me,” and ya know what: she’s already great! Why these two men feel they need to fix her is frankly brutish.

Go ask Alice when she’s ten feet tall... and also a ship We remember from earlier in the show (and in this list!) how fixated Tom tends to get on his hobbies, bordering on obsessive behavior especially when it comes to cars and ships. So even though the eponymous ship in “AIice” is messing with his noodle a little, it’s still a bad look for Paris to get so fully infatuated with yet another piece of technology vying for his attention.

Party until the cows come home This is just a little moment, but I feel like including it. It’s just kinda mean for Tom to trick Harry into kissing a cow in “Spirit Folk.” Not only is it disrespectful to eavesdrop on his date, even if it is with a hologram (especially if it is with a hologram!), but Harry is making himself vulnerable for Maggie the Irish lass only for Tom to point and laugh at him. Be a better friend, Tom.

I didn’t think you liked the mushy stuff One more example of Tom being a dick to his girlfriend (I swear, I do like them together!) is how he constantly neglects her in “Drive.” They’re having a visceral fight about their future as a couple and B’Elanna has been earnestly planning to break up with him. So when Tom proposes, it really does feel like it’s just to get out of the argument and not because he really wants it.

The silent treatment The whole show, Tom’s character arc has focused on his desire to make his father proud of him. So you’d think when they’re finally onscreen together in “Pathfinder,” this’d come up. But no. The two characters have exactly no lines together. Even in the series finale “Endgame” when Voyager gets home and Tom has a daughter to introduce to her grandfather: still nothing! WHY?

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We’re coming in for a landing in shuttle bay. Thanks for joining us on that little joyride around the Delta Quadrant. We’re back next week with more character spotlights here on the blog, and more Enterprise watchalong episodes over on the podcast (which you’re surely following on SoundCloud or wherever you podcast). You can also hail us on Facebook and Twitter, and remember: two Delaney sisters are better than one.