#this is because im stuck im my room doing homework

[expressingexperience]

[citrusitonit]

am i the asshole for just being uncomfy when my older sibling just has a whole sobfest and breakdown and walks around while doing it and i just i just wanna leave

[eddiesbigolepp]

goddamn man child

synopsis: your occasional hookup is so good that you think you’ve fallen for him, he didn’t know til he got you high.

pairing: eddie munson x cheerleader!reader

warnings: mentions of sex, flirty characters, swearing, suggestive language and behavior, pining

word count: 1033

a/n: if u recognize some of these lyrics ily, they’re from norman f***ing rockwell by the queen herself, miss lana, also pt.2

“hello, earth to y/n?” eddie waves his hand in your face laughing. “whats gotten into you lately?” he questions, smile dropping slightly.

you, you want to say, you have gotten into me.

“nothing, just haven’t been feeling right.” you mutter, shifting away slightly. you didn’t mean to grow attached. but the more you came over after practice, the more you came over because you bored, the more you came over because you missed him.. the more attached you became.

his smile drops completely, concern washing over his face, “what’s wrong, sweetheart?”

that.

the way the pet name rolled off his lips to delicately. the way he could call you something so sentimental, so endearing, without any second thought.

“i’ve just been overworked at practice,” you bluff. its only half a lie, you truly never caught a break. “then i have so much homework to do, theres so many games this month and i barely get time to relax. when i do, im always stuck doing something for my mother. its an endless cycle.” you groan, bringing a hand over your eyes, rubbing them gently.

“aw, you poor thing, come here!” he smiles, pulling you into a tight hug. that was normal. the same way sitting in his bed in nothing but your underwear and his shirt was.

it was too normal.

you didn’t want it too be. you wanted more than a quick fuck and some late night conversation. you were over things ending before the sun came up. he had you hooked.

“eddie, stop!” you laugh and try prying his arms away. “you’re gonna squeeze me to death!” you whine as he pulls you close into his lap.

“what im saving you, restarting your heart or something,” he mumbles into your neck. he pulls you away and looks over to the black metal lunch box on his dresser.

“i might have a way for you to relax,” he smirks as your eyes follow his. in a second your eyes flash back to his face.

“you cannot be serious.” you state, raising your brows at him almost cautiously.

“what, are you scared?” he teases, lifting you off his lap and reaching over to grab the tin box.

“yes actually, never done…that before,” you explain quietly.

“its not gonna bite you, doll.” he reassures you, sitting on the bed and bringing his hand to your thigh to rub gently. “i’ll even teach you, i don’t offer that to just anyone i’ll have you know.” he chuckles.

you watch him open the box quickly, watching how his rings glisten in the dull light of his room. your eyes focused on how his hands moved quickly.

“i think smoking might help,” he starts, picking up a pre-rolled blunt from his lunchbox. “and who knows, might make you look hot.”

“oh yes, smoking solely to look cool.”

“i said hot, babe.” he grins closing the container and putting it back on his dresser. he stands, searching for his lighter all over the room. his jeans hanging low on his lips, button undone as he digs through his vest pocket.

“got it!” he beams walking back toward the bed. he sits beside you, back against the wall as he spreads his legs, getting comfortable. he lights the blunt quickly, and the two of you watch the paper burn before he brings it to his mouth.

“inhale, hold, exhale.” he explains, going to demonstrate, but he pauses. “you, take your time, don’t go rushing into this like you’re a professional.” he quips, finally placing the blunt between his lips and drawing in air and letting his head fall back against the wall.

he exhales, smoke going into the air before he looks over at you, in a daze. “here,” he holds the blunt to your face. “you try,”

you grab it from his hands with a sweet smile. you let out a shaky breath, and he brings his hand to your thigh again rubbing small circles into it.

“you don’t have to if you don’t want, baby.” he reassures you, the look on your face makes him change his mind quickly.

“no, no.. i’ve always wanted to try, why not try with support.” you try and comfort yourself.

“just take your time.” he mutters, watching you lift the blunt to your plush lips and inhale. it wasn’t as long as his, and nowhere near as experienced, but it was intense. the cough that followed made him crack a smile.

“that felt weird.” you smile, still coughing, smoke escaping from your nose. “can i try again?” you question, big doll like eyes boring into his.

“someones eager,” he smiles, picking on you playfully. he ultimately nods and you pull the blunt to your mouth again.

you take a longer drag, holding it in your mouth, turning to him. you blow it into his face, giggling as the smoke dusts his cheeks.

he rolls his eyes, snatching the blunt from you with a laugh. “cocky now are we, princess?” he says, blowing the smoke from his drag into your face.

you two stay like that for a while. trading the blunt between your fingers as it dwindles down into ash. you move from your seat against the wall, shifting down to lay your head on his lap instead.

his hand comes down to play with your hair as you talk nonsense. something along the lines of floating on cloud nine.

“maybe next time you come over we could do this before i fuck your brains out.” eddie laughs and watches your face darken.

“you only think of one thing don’t you.” you retort, looking up at him. his eyes weren’t red but they were hazy, dropping as he looked down at you.

“i can’t resist that sweet face of yours, doll.” he smirks, pushing the hair out of your face.

“you know,” you start, rolling to your side, cheek pressed against his jean clad thigh as you admire his face. “i don’t think we need it.” you mumble.

“is that so?” he questions, bringing the hand on your head to down to your exposed cheek. “enlighten me, sweetheart.”

“you fucked me so good that i almost said i love you,”

[beary-rambles]

HEAR ME OUTTTT !!!

simp!bsf!ethan x chubby!bimbo!reader (cause yk im a sucker for bimbos.)

anyways. them in the back of the lecture room during econ. ethan already was ahead of everyone else and already did all of readers homework and assignments for her. so they're basically sitting in class for nothing. anyways he gets a little handsy during econ, his hand going under the desk and rubbing her thigh. he pulls on the edge of her thigh highs and hears the small snap sound it makes against her skin. and she lets out a little squeak and looks at him but he just tuts and tells her to look at the professor. basically ends up with fingering reader in class then the moment they leave they fuq in the gender neutral bathrooms like rabbits

again just my silly little thoughts on this, hope you enjoy !

You felt like you were going to explode. You didn't know why he had started touching you. And quite frankly you didn't care. You were so close, so fucking close. Only just a little bit more from him, a couple more thrusts from her fingers that were stuffed in you. You didn't know how he kept such a straight face staring straight at the professor as he talked about, whatever you had no clue. You close your eyes and place a hand on your mouth to muffle your own moans.

You were almost there just a little more- but then he stops. You almost shout in anger turning your head to glare at him until the professor's words ring in your ears. 

‘Class dismissed.’

Everyone begins to pack up their stuff and rush out of class as you feel like your stuck in your seat. Ethan even stands and begins packing up your stuff for you as you sit in a daze. He offers you a hand while he carries your bags and leads you out of the class. Stumbling over your own feet as you let Ethan walk you down the hallway, no words are shared between the two of you until he leads you to the gender neutral bathroom and drops your bags on the floor before kissing you and pressing against you.

‘What do you want?’

He whines as he continues to kiss you desperately before pulling away, ‘anything you'll give me.’

‘I want you to fuck me.’ and he groans, desperate for you as he lets you undress him as he sticks the fingers he had used to finger you in his mouth and let out a sigh of delight. 'how do you always taste so fucking good.'

you give him a laugh as you shake off his jeans, 'its because im so sweet.'

[dxndxrxvxbe]

i know my autism and adhd is "normal" and "nothing to be ashamed of" because theres literally nothing i can do about it but recently ive been feeling so ashamed of myself.

i get frustrated so easily with noise / talking and i have to quickly leave the room. it makes me wonder what people who dont know me think.

i cant focus on homework i never do it. ever. and you would expect me to get expelled but no they just give me a sympathetic look and a pat on the head like im a dog. why do i get Bs when i do NOTHING?.

and what about my hyper fixations? do people think its annoying when i wanna talk about the same episodes of a show that came out in 2016?.

do peoole wonder why i cant look them in the eye? or why im always on my phone?.

these are questions that are literally haunting me. i cant be stuck in this brain for the rest of my life. its torture.

im trying so hard to be normal but i think the stress is making it worse. i lock myself in my bathroom so i can jump up and down and talk to the mirror because thats how my embarrassing self stims

[minhosimthings]

Someone Older, Just a Little Bit Colder.

Summary: Yoon Y/N and Lee Minho. Perfect enemies. But when some guns and roses get mixed up with both of them, I wonder what the fates have weaved for their story.

Pairings: Fem!reader × Minho, classic Enemies to Lovers. Includes rest of Skz and other groups

Warnings: lots of violence, blood, murder, guns, swearing, mention of food, mention of dead bodies. There is a lot of violence so please do not interact if you are sensitive to these things.

A/N - I finished this finally. This took a lot of time and it is probably my longest work till date. I took inspiration from an edit I saw on Instagram. So here you go! Please enjoy this and feel free to give me feedback. I don't like some parts of the fic that much tho. Cause I was very lazy when I wrote them.

Song rec:

1: I need someone older

"No, no, no" Mournful voices were surrounding your frame. "No this can't be happening. Please Y/N!" Tears, not yours, dripped onto your skin as something red mixed with it to create a pretty little cocktail. "Fuck princess wake up! Fuck no....."

"Y/N! Come down quick! You've gotta get to school!" Another day of school. How mechanical was your life. In your final year of high school, you'd have thought that your life would have sugar, spice and everything nice. But instead, you got stuck with a robotic schedule, which consisted of waking up, going to school, coming back, food time, homework, checking to see if any colleges had sent you mails and then going back to sleep. But you couldn't really complain, because you were in Jeju Island. Literally everyone here had the same robotic schedule. Well maybe except for the richest people here. Your family was what was known as the middle classes. You lived comfortably, but not too plushily and your mom and dad both had jobs. Your elder sister Jinhee and you basically raised each other and now, with Jinhee, already graduated and married (since she was seven years older than you), you were left all alone in your turquoise room, with white borders and black finishes. It wasn't the fact that you weren't happy or anything. But, as a child of the Cosmos and as a ruler of the skies and tides, you wanted to feel that feeling that people had when they would roll around in the grass, or buy flowers from a sweet old lady, or wear ridiculous nail polish with someone, keeping the stories of the stars to yourself, whenever someone asks 'what did you do last night?'. But wasn't that why fairytales existed? To tell you that getting all those things was nothing but a mere dream? A dream which you hoped would come true? Which you hoped that the universe would understand your heart's desire and grant it to you?

"Be safe alright? Got your pepper spray?" "Yes ma don't worry. Im always safe aren't I?" Your mother kissed your forehead gently before letting to walk off to school, pepper spray in hand, knife hidden up the sleeve of your blue school sweater. The road from your house to your school was one of the safest ones. It was a suburban area, with families like yours lining up the street. You had no problem walking by yourself, and casually greeting the wakening families, with their toddlers and teenagers. You felt safe here and in the rare times there was some danger, you knew you could kick their asses (flashback to that one time you thought your dad was a stranger and accidentally kicked him hard in the shin. He still doesn't forgive you for that)

"Miss Yoon. Are you walking alone your highness?" That voice. That voice was perhaps the bane of your existence (not the object of all your desires. Sue me for using Bridgerton right now). A smooth black car pulled up next to you as you were just a metre away from the school. The windows were rolled down to reveal a young boy, your age with fluffy plum brown hair, cat like eyes, a sharp nose and a smirk on his stupid face. Lee Minho. Also known as the worst person you knew. And no this wasn't an enemies to lovers scenario. It usually is but this? Yeah absolutely not. Lee Minho had been your childhood neighbour since he was six. He lived with his grandparents since he was six, with his parents being in one of the richest families of South Korea and working in Seoul. He also went to your school, which was weird considering he was basically a billionaire and still chose to go to the 'middle class' school along with his his seven friends, who coincidentally were also from the seven richest families of South Korea.

"Oh no Minho. I wasn't walking alone. I have an invisible friend that you can't see from behind those stupidly pretty eyes of yours." You threw him a glare as his smirked just increased in size. "You think my eyes are pretty?" "Oh for fucks sake. What do you want?" "Language, princess." Minho chuckled and unlocked the passenger seat door. "Get in." You let out a chuckle and said "With you? Oh no thank you. I would rather go to Hell and dance with the devil." "Oh come on princess." Minho's face only widened even more to form the face of the devil himself. "You know people who die to even touch my car. You're lucky I'm offering you to ride in it." You rolled your eyes at him. So fucking cocky for no reason. You decided that you couldn't take it anymore and just started walking with a small 'I'll see you at school Minho goodbye now.'. Minho seemed to have taken the sign as he locked his doors, rolled the windows down and sped away to school.

Finally some peace. You breathed in the September air as you watched the Magpies fly around with their mates. You always loved Magpies, courtesy to your dad always encouraging you to birdwatch whenever you were free, with the pink binoculars you had. And today, in the serene September air, it felt good, watching two birds in love fluttering around, probably having a conversation about who knows what. There was that odd feeling in your chest again, that feeling which you pretended wasn't loneliness. People never understood the difference between alone and lonely. Yes you can be alone and you can enjoy it to your fullest. Some of your friends loved to be alone, eating chocolate, reading a nice book, sitting by the rain, all of those aesthetic things those Pinterest people do. You always craved to be like that too, but you never could. And you still had to learn to accept the fact that being basic wasn't a bad thing.

"Babe your foundation isn't blended properly come here. Hasn't Mama Huh taught you anything?" Your best friend Yunjin greeted you at the stairs of your school, with her bright unicorn bag and her perfect makeup as usual. "Sorry sweetheart. I really can't focus today." Yunjin gave you a sympathetic look as she blended the foundation on your neck with her hands carefully. "Is it Lee again? I swear to God one of these days I'm gonna go and tell him that you like him and then he'll confess to you and then this can be an enemies to lovers novel where I'm the sassy, amazing best friend who saves the day." You laughed at Yunjin's rambling. "And I thought Chaer was more delusional than you." "Do I hear my name?" A pretty girl with long black hair and perhaps the greatest jawline in the world came up behind you. Lee Chaeryoung, cousin of Minho and your second best friend, also your prettiest friend (sue me she's my wif- I mean my bias) "Hey Chaer. By the way have you guys completed Mr Hong's assignment?" Yunjin groaned at your words as she pulled out a red copy from her bag and opened it to reveal her messy handwriting. "I stayed up to finish this shit. Why do we need to analyse what a curtain means in Shakespearean language? Like I don't know. It could mean the heroine wants to be at an orgy for all I know." Chaer hit Yunjin's arm as you laughed at went inside the school to go to your English class along with Yunjin. Chaeryoung stalked off in the other direction, to her biology class, as you entered the class, where Mr.Hong wasn't present yet. You always dreaded English period, not because you weren't good in the subject, but because of the seating arrangement. Yunjin would always sit at the back of the class while you were stuck in the front with Minho. You internally groaned as you walked up to your seat, where Minho and Chan were talking to each other. Chan was a good friend of yours since your mom was the head of the Jeju Island branch of his dad's buisness. Curly haired, eyes filled with stars and the most gentle behaviour ever, he came straight out of a goddamn book. You always wondered how he became friends with Minho, considering both of them were as different as chalk and cheese. But then again, they has been brought up together, by their grandparents while their parents would stay in Seoul to run buisness.

"Hey Chan. Did you get those physics notes done yesterday?" Chan greeted at you with than omnipresent smile on his face as he nodded fervently like a puppy. "Yeah I got them done! It was really hard though. I really hope Mrs.Choi is absent today. So she can't call me out on my 'mistakes'." You smiled fondly at Chan as he took his seat on your other side, while Minho toyed with a blue hairband. Your hairband. "Minho where did you get that?" He turned to look at you and gave you that smug smirk again. "Why princess? Is it yours?" You scowled as you reached forward and grabbed the hairband out of his hands and stuffed it into your bag. "Yes it is mine! I think you'd know that considering I have been looking for this ever since the playground incident from when we were seven! Oh but I think you wouldn't remember that would you? Considering you're an ajhussi." It was Minho's time to scowl now and he scrunched up his nose like an angry bunny and stuck his tongue out at you, all while mumbling "I'm only two months older you know.", As Mr.Hong entered the classrooms in his pinstriped shirt and began asking for the assignments.

The rest of the day went as normal. You went to all of your classes, had a gossip-filled lunch with Chaeryoung, Yunjin, Miyeon, Sunoo and Jake, accidentally spilt water over Sunghoon from Chemistry, and got top grades in biology as usual.

Gosh September was good. September was lovely. People don't really get why September was so comforting to you. And to be frank, you didn't get it either. But there was this aura that September had that you couldn't shake. It wasn't just all pumpkin spice lattes or orange scarfs. It was..... Something else. Something you couldn't describe. You know that feeling when you bite into an ice cream cone? It crumbles all over you, but you love that feeling, that crunch combined with the sweet ice cream inside. That's what September was.

The bell rang loudly as school got over and you went over to the the basketball court. Being captain of the girls team, you always needed to stay back after school in order to train your team. "Unnie come quick would ya!" Chaewon, the team's greatest shooter called out to you. "Im not that late today Chaewon. That's a record for me!" Chaewon rolled her eyes as she adjusted her shorts. "Y/N are we gonna discuss some tactics for next week's game then? Cause I drew a lot of shit last night and I don't want it to go to waste." Wonyoung, the team's co-captain was nudging some papers into your hands. You gave her a quick smile as you looked over all the loopy drawings she did. "Oh and girls! Please remember to get your registration documents tomorrow! I really don't want to submit them late to Coach Kim." All your teammates nodded at your words and went on to the court, where to your dismay, Minho and his team were also practicing. You were annoyed. You had booked the court for today and has specifically checked with both of your coaches and yet again, your mortal enemy was playing with his team on what was meant to be your court. "Yah Minho! Get off the fucking court. We have it booked for today!" You gave him the biggest glare that you could muster, while he simply strode up to you, ball in hand, and that stupid smile on his face. "Aww princess. You booked the court for today? Well sad because I booked it earlier. I have a signed consent form from Coach Kim too. So either you can get off the court or we can have a practice game together." You felt like blowing up the earth below his feet right now but you couldn't do anything when he showed you the piece of paper on which Coach Kim had signed specifying that the boy's team could play today. "Fine then. But a practice game? Together? Boys versus girls?" Minho simply nodded at your words as you looked back at your girl standing behind you who were currently looking like they wanted to go to war. Seeing their determination, you extended a hand forward to Minho and in a assertive tone, said, "You're on then Lee. I wanna watch your pretty little face when you lose really badly. So what's the prize then?" You regretted asking that question when you saw Minho's face turning into that evil little smirk again. His team was assembled behind him and now you were a bit scared, considering that your tallest player was the size of their shortest one. "How about........ loser has to take the winner to that nice ice cream place that just opened down the street? And it'll only be us two. You know, captain to captain." Hearing that both your team and Minho's team broke out in high pitched 'ooohs' (yes even the Bois) as if you were doing something scandalous. You had no choice but to accept so you extended you hand again as Minho gripped it with his veiny hands and shook it firmly.

Chan and Chaeryoung were sitting by the stands since neither of them played and you smiled gently at them talking and giggling so fondly. The game started with one of the assistant coaches, Jungwon, refereeing. You were more determined now than you were at last month's regional games. You had to beat Minho and he had to take you to that stupid ice cream place. "Scared princess?" Minho asked as you assembled on the half line. You didn't say anything but threw him a smirk, hoping that it would catch him off guard. "Alright, ready set. Rumble!" Jungwon blew the whistle and threw the ball up in the air as you reached forward and managed to slap it onto your side of the court, where Wonyoung caught it and swiftly passed it on to Chaewon, who was standing by the hoops. You heard Minho scolding Jeongin, who was defending Chaewon, for not blocking her properly as you high fived Wonyoung for the quick pass.The rest of the game pretty much went the same way as you kept using witty tactics while Minho kept using speed and strength, which you knew was his greatest weakness. From time to time, his shirt would fly up ever so slightly and you would get distracted for a split second by his abs (which you scolded yourself for).

"Guys can you stop now please? It's 7:30. I'm going home now and you guys should too before they shut the school gate." Jungwon finally ended the game as you looked over at the scoreboard. You had won! You hugged Chaewon tightly before striding up to a very sweaty Minho who, not even in the slightest, looked defeated. "So, Mr Lee. You owe me ice cream now." He gave you a small smile, which made your heart leap, and said "Of course your Highness. Do you wanna get changed and then we can go? Or would you like to come being all sweaty?" You scowled at him and stuck your tongue out as you made your way to the changing rooms as he shouted behind you, "Meet me at the gate!" You quickly took a shower and changed into the tshirt and yoga pants you usually brought with you to change into after a sweaty game.

"Yah are you going to take me in your dumb car?" You questioned Minho as he pulled up by the gate. Chan had taken Chaeryoung home today so you didn't have anyone to walk you home, which was a plus point (for Minho). "Yes princess. Since the ice cream place is not at a walkable distance, atleast for my feet, we are going in my dumb car. And you don't wana walk home this late Y/N. It's dangerous you know? So get the fuck in and let's go. I'm hungry." You begrudgingly got in the car, silently admiring the sleep leather seats as Minho started the engine and turned the car. "Oh and Chan hyung already informed your mom and dad. They're not gonna come home tonight cause they're busy or something so I'll drive you back if you want." You snapped your head from the flying butterfly outside the window to Minho's concentrated face as you shyly mumbled a 'thank you'.

The drive to the ice cream was long and silent. You simply stated out the window while Minho stared forward, trying not to look at the way the rays of the setting sun fell on your skin or how your hair fell in that particular way that just felt good. Do the boys usually confess first? He didn't know. No he hated you. This is absolutely not fucking happening right now. You were Yoon Y/N, captain if the girls basketball team, annoying neighbour, beautiful mortal enemy. No not beautiful. Get out of it Minho!

"Uh is this the place? Looks cute." Minho's car pulled up near a tiny cafe like building called 'Jureimi's parlor', lit up in bright pink signs. "Oh yeah. I'll just park and we can go." You got out of the car as Minho parked nearby and got out too. "Is that boba flavoured ice cream?" You pointed at a brown coloured ice cream in ghe booth. The lady at the counter smiled at you as she nodded and gave you little sample cup. You offered a bit to Minho, who shook his head and went to find a table. "Get what you want. I'll pay." You rolled your eyes at him. He had to pay anyway for losing the game so badly.

You tasted the ice cream, which tasted like heaven and decided that you wanted this. "Can I get this in a cone please? Two scoops." The lady nodded and told her co worker your order, who went to the back to make it. You noticed some pudding cups on the shelf behind the lady. "Are those puddings?" "Oh yes. They're a new addition really. It's a favourite among all the grandmas here." You pointed at the vanilla one and asked the lady to give you that one, while you handed her the money and she handed you your ice cream and the pudding cup. You strode over to Minho, who was sitting with his legs wide open at the little round table in the corner of the store. "Is that for me?" He pointed at the pudding. "No dumbass it's for the Magpies." He gave you a sarcastic smile and grabbed the pudding cup from your hands. "I only got it for you cause this boba ice cream is expensive. So stop smirking at me." He looked up at you with those cat like eyes and slightly pouted, but remained quiet as both of you savoured on the sweet, sticky food.

"Dude how slow do you eat?" You watched Minho as he has halfway through his pudding, while you had already finished your ice cream. "Just slow enough to annoy you baby." You frowned at his words. "Do not call me that ever again. It's makes me wanna vomit." You made a gagging motion as Minho just simply chuckled. "Fine then. While I finish this amazing pudding, how about we play truth or dare hm? Because our impatient princess can't wait for five seconds without doing anything." You thought for a while before finally saying yes. "Alrightly then." Minho smiled at you. "Y/N. Truth or dare?" You picked truth, which seemed like the only viable option, considering the fact that you were in a shop, and Minho said, "How's your brother?"

Your heart dropped as you heard that sentence. How did he know about that? The blue shade of the shop spun around you as you tried to focus on anything else other than what just came out of Minho's mouth. Silence. Yes silence would work. Just give him a glare and it'll be over. "Oh come on princess. We all know what happened to your brother. I just wanna hear it from you personally." Your blood turned cold as your mind kept feeding you memories of that night. That faithful night. That peace filled night. That night when the Magpies stopped singing and September ran cold once more.

"Fuck you Lee Minho." Saying that, you picked up your bag and got up, slamming the chair to the ground, behind you. The lady at the counter looked up to see you walking about the door, pushing it agressively. "No Y/N wait!" Minho knew he had fucked up now. He had never meant to hurt you like this. He had learnt from Yunjin that you were already over your brother's incident. This was just supposed to be normal mortal enemy banter. How do you still remember? He quickly pulled out some cash and slammed it on the counter to the very shocked lady as he ran out after you. You wouldn't have gotten far. After all, you had to pass the school to get to your house. Minho quickly got in his car and started the engine with a blast. You had also left your headband in the carseat. So, that was another excuse for him to chase after you. He wasn't going to lose you again. Not now. Not when he was so close.

The street was dark and cold, lit up faintly by the wavering streetlights. This wasn't September anymore. You could feel December taking all the love out of September. And as you walked upon the concrete, you could feel the Magpies talking about you. You could feel the crescent moon feeling nothing but pity for you. You could feel all the plants with their bugs, looking at you and saying, "Yoon Y/N. You fucked up again just like you always do." You shouldn't have let your anger take control. But then again, when we deal with anger so long, she never tells us that her actual name is grief. Your brother was supposed to be a closed chapter of your life, but like a faded page of an Agatha Christie novel, he lingered on in your brain. All your family had far moved on, but you loved your twin brother, older than you by 8 minutes, too much to let him go from the dusty cabinets of your brain. You tried to forget his screams on that day and that cold, hard cackling but you couldn't. You were right there. Right in front of all the destruction, when your heart broke into a million pieces. Yet how could you forget such a memory?

"Y/N!" Minho was rolling up with this car next to you as you reached your house. The magenta coloured door was locked, your parents were still out on work. "Minho just fucking leave me alone. And I mean it this time. Don't even fucking talk to me." "Yn would you listen to me? Don't go inside the house!" What was this maniac saying? You stared at his figure getting out of the car and swiftly moving across over the lawn to your figure standing at the front door. "please just don't go inside the house." You noticed some figures behind him and you realised that Chan and his friends Jisung and Changbin were also there. "Minho what the fuck are you doing?" Minho looked at with what you thought looked like an expression of pity. "Just please don't go inside the house."

No you weren't going to listen to him. Absolutely fucking not. The last time you listened to him, you ended up in a mud covered ditch. Not today. "Fuck you and fuck your fucking existence Minho! I'm not listening to one word that comes out of that stupid mouth of yours." Before Minho could stop you and before Chan called out your name, you opened the door with gusto, only to be met, not with the familiar scent of Eau de Perfume but with the stench of iron. Your world came crashing down again. Your parents. Lying dead. On the floor. Of your house. Covered in blood. You were frozen. You couldn't move. A sense of familiarity came over you. You knew this feeling. This feeling of feeling like a thousand icicles had pierced your veins. All that came to your mind was him. No this can't be September. September was his birthday! It can't be this bad. No please don't let September be bad. "Y/N. Princess are you alright?" "Min- Minho. They're- they're not. No." The tears weren't coming. This wasn't sadness this was shock. "Chan hyung can you get her out of here? Jisung call the police. Now. Y/N. Y/N what are you doing!" You had strode up to your parents' bodies. Your mom was covered in more blood than your dad. Your dad looked like he was peacefully sleeping. Your mum's head seemed bashed in. Oh god the smell of blood. That night. All that remained was that night. You were too immersed in looking at your parents, that you didn't notice the creeping black figure in front of you. "So you're their daughter are you?" That husky voice was the last thing you heard before a gun shot, Minho's voice and the thud of your body. There was something warm on your stomach. And gooey. And red. This felt nice, you thought. Dying felt nice. If only he felt like this before....

Chan and Changbin slammed the man who had stabbed you onto the wall, destroying some photo frames in the process. Jisung turned on all the lights and went over to the two other men to get a look at the stranger. Minho, on the other hand, had rushed to your side, picking you up in his arms, towel pressuring the wound on your stomach.

"No, no, no" Mournful voices were surrounding your frame. "No this can't be happening. Please Y/N!" Tears, not yours, dripped onto your skin as something red mixed with it to create a pretty little cocktail. "Fuck princess wake up! Fuck no....."

2: Just a little bit colder

"Well well well, Mrs Yoon. How are the children?" Your mother cowered in fear as your elder sister and your dad were tied up next to the fridge in the kitchen. Your twin brother and you were in the clutches of some buff looking men. Eleven years. That's all you were. Eleven fucking years. "Mr. Wang I promise I won't leak the papers. I swear on my children. Please do not harm us." Mr. Wang or whoever he was striding up and down the carpeted room, white papers in his scarred hand. "It's ok Y/Nnie. I'm right here. It's just another November. September will come soon won't it?" Your brother, Doowon tightly held your hand and calmed you down, as your tears threatened to escape from their prison. "Mr. Wang. Please I beg you. Please do not harm me. You have the papers. What more do you want?" Mr Wang smiled at your mother. A cold smile. Shivering and undaunted. "Oh my dear Danbi. I have the papers of course, but you know how I do my work. I do not like bitches who butt their heads into everything. So I want your children to see how their mother is a little bitch." Mr Wang pulled your mother's hair as she screamed and cried out. "Hey don't do that to my mom!" Your borther screamed out as you but the hand if the man who was holding you. Both of you escaped from the clutches of the two men as Mr Wang looked on, slightly amused. "Or what little boy? You gonna beat me up?" Your brother stood his ground, not even daring to break eye contact. "Doowon get back please!" Your mum pleaded with Doowon, but he wouldn't listen. He stepped forward to Mr Wang and stepped painfully on his smooth black shoes. Mr Wang let out a cold laugh as he grabbed your brother by the neck of his shirt. "Grab the little girl too. Let her see how her twin meets with death." A man grabbed you from behind as your family pleaded and you thrashed around, trying to escape. "Let me go!" You screamed as the man took you upstairs while Mr Wang followed with your brother. You reached your bedroom door, which you shared with Doowon and Mr Wang slammed it opened pushing you and your brother inside. "Open that window, Brian." He spat at the man who grabbed you, while you and Doowon stood still. "Now boy. Come here. Come. Here. Now. Unless you want your sister harmed." Doowon looked at you and squeezed your hand before going ever to Mr Wang. And that was the last touch of your brother you had, before Mr. Wang pushed him out of the window on to the green grass below. Your screams had filled the neighborhood, scared the Magpies and threatened September to never come again. September's child,you told yourself. That's all he was. September's child, at the mercy of October.

"She'll be alright Minho. Just give her a few hours. She'll wake up." You were lying on an oak bed with grand purple bedsheets. You had a white sheet wrapped around your waist and your stomach, which stopped blood from coming out of your stab wound. Minho had taken you to his mansion outside of town, where all the sons of the mafias of Korea would hang out. Bang Chan, Seo Changbin, Hwang Hyunjin, Minho's brother Lee Felix Yongbok, Han Jisung, Kim Seungmin, Yang Jeongin and Lee Minho. Stray kids, they called themselves. Basically abandoned by their workaholic parents and brought up by relatives. "Hyung she'll be fine don't worry. Seungmin's aunt is the best surgeon in the country. She stitched Y/N up all fine." Changbin put an arm on Minho's shivering shoulder. Chan and Jisung were also there in the room, trying to comfort Minho and convince him that you would be fine. "What if she's not ok hyung? What do I tell her when she wakes up? Ho-how do I explain to her how I knew that her parents' bodies would be lying in her floor before she even got home? How do I fucking explain that?" Minho looked up at Chan with teary eyes. Chan was worried. Minho hadn't eaten or drunk water for the whole day, ever since you came out of that four hour long surgery. Never before had he seen Minho's cold face so filled with emotion. "Minho listen to me. You can explain everything to her once she wakes up. I called her sister and she'll be coming over in three days from Busan. Now please. You've got to eat something or drink water atleast. I promise you, Y/N will understand if you speak to her properly. Now come on, let's get some breakfast. It's 8 am in the morning. The boys would have woken up by now." Minho listened silently to Chan's words and simply nodded. Words weren't coming out anymore as he slowly got up from his chair and let go of your hand. Taking one last look at you, the boys left the room, all the while commanding two bodyguards to stand outside the door, making sure no one else can even come near you.

"Y/Nnie! Look what I can do!" "That wasn't a proper cartwheel Doowon, it doesn't count!" "Atleast I can do a cartwheel." "Yah don't stick your tongue out at me! Jinhee unnie! Doowon's making fun of me!"

'Do you remember? Twenty first night of September? Love was chasing the minds of pretenders.' "Happy birthday Doowon! I got a CD of your favourite song!" "Thanks Y/Nnie. Let's listen to this song on my birthday every year!"

Purple sheets? This was not your bed. Your bed had dinosaur sheets and made a rickety noise every time you moved. You noticed the white tape wrapped carefully around your waist and dared not touch it. You tried to remember what day it was and where you were as you slowly moved and leaned comfortably against the bed frame, groaning slightly as your stomach was hurting. Gosh what day was it? Was it still September? Or did October come to take you away again?

Lost in your thoughts, you looked around the room, trying to figure out whether you were still in Jeju Island or not. You noticed a drawer close to the bed. Curious, you opened the drawer, to find your phone, a bracelet and a picture of a you and Minho in your jerseys. That bracelet. It was the one which your brother had made for you. Which you hadn't seen ever since that day. And the picture was the one which was taken when you and Minho were elected captains of your basketball teams. You grabbed your phone hurriedly as you realised that this had to be Minho's house. You had to get out. Now. Your memory was coming back to you and you remembered the events that had unfolded the night before. Blood. The smell of iron. The blade of a knife. The tears of a plum brown haired boy.

You threw the sheets off of yourself and made to get up. Stupid decision, you told yourself as the moment your feet hit the floor, you fell down witha loud thud. "OUCH!" you cried out loudly, hoping that this was a soundproof house. Probably not, because five seconds later, you heard footsteps coming down to your door. The oak door swung open with a loud crash to reveal a panic stricken Minho, who had dark circles under his eyes, a worried looking Chan, who was clutching a half finished piece of toast and a very confused Seungmin, who was holding a cup of coffee in his hand. "I knew I shouldn't have left your clumsy ass alone." Minho grumbled as he made his way to you and gently lifted you up, taking care not to touch your injury. You should have probably thrashed around, but for the sake of not accidentally injuring yourself even more, you resisted, as Minho put you back on the head and flicked your forehead painfully. "Yah!" You exclaimed rubbing your forehead. "Ok first of all, where the fuck am I? Second of all, what the fuck am I doing here? Third of all, I know my parents are dead now, so what I am going to do?" You directed the last question at Chan, who scratched his hair and glanced at Seungmin, who was looking at you as if you were his hero. "You know noona, you can come stay with me if you don't wanna stay in Minho's hyung's house." Minho glared at Seungmin as Chan took him by the arm and forced him out of the room, before saying "Minho explain everything. And no I will not help you stop pouting." He slammed the door, leaving Minho and you all alone. All alone in this wood carved room. All alone to face September together. "Alright" Minho took in a deep breath. "Im going to explain everything to you princess. But you will not fucking interrupt me, got it?" You opened your mouth to fire something back at him, but you decided against it in the last moment and quietly nodded. "Alright here goes. First of all I am really sorry for bringing up your brother. I know it was an asshole move and I thought you'd have forgotten about it. Clearly you didn't so I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Second of all, yes your parents are dead. Im sorry Y/N but they are. We informed your sister, she'll come in a few days from Busan. And the reason I knew that your parents were dead and tried to stop you was because my cousin killed your parents." Pause button. Wait what?

"Minho what are you talking about? If this is some kind of joke I will seriously kill myself right here and right now." Minho looked at you with an expression of pure sympathy. "It's not a joke Y/N. You know your mom is the head of the Jeju Island branch of Chan's parents' buisness right? Well all our businesses are connected. And one day when you were a child, your mother had found some papers which proved that my family was in illegal work. My family was ready to forgive her but my cousin, Jackson, wasn't. All those papers were related to his dealings and he wasn't happy that a mere woman had found out about it. So one day, without my parent's knowledge, he found out about your family and well. I think you know the rest don't you?" Too many things. Too many things for your brain to process as it went back to that night. Mr Wang. Jackson Wang. Pretty name, you thought, as you tried to bring his face back to your memory. Scarred. That's all you remembered. Scarred face, scarred mouth, scarred hands grabbing your brother by the cuffs on his shirt. "Chan had found out first. You know him having contacts and all. And when he told me about it, there was this thing inside of me that told me that your parents were probably already dead. I know my cousin pretty well. And he isn't one for patience." "But what did my mom do now?" Minho sighed at your question. "She, she found out some more information about Jackson and she decided to step up. But we all know what happens to heroes don't we?" Your breathing had gotten more steady now and your hands had stopped shaking. Sadness wasn't arriving for you. Not yet. Was it September? Or was it because you never actually knew your mother and father? Because thinking about it, you actually never did.

"Y/N I think it's time to tell you what my parents actually do. What all the boy's parents actually do. We run an underground syndicate over the whole of South Korea. We own every piece of land in Korea. We have information about every person existing in this country. And I want to tell you that your mom was actually one of the most important people for our 'buisness'. She wasn't just some head of the Jeju Island branch. She was a personal spy for my father and mother, put here along with your dad, to spy against, uh, some people." Your head hurt even more with all the information that Minho was unloading on you. You held your head in your hands and massaged your temples gently. Minho looked slightly worried at this and nervously asked, "You ok princess? Want some breakfast?" Oh gosh his lips. "Or a doctor? You know what I'll get a doctor. Chan hyung will say no-" Those lips looked so kissable" "- but what if you don't feel well later on a faint and then you become even more sick-" Don't kiss him Y/N don't you dare. "-and then I'll have to marry you and take care of you foreve-"

Yep you couldn't keep it to yourself anymore. "I wanna kiss you." You blurted out, instantly cringing and regretting your words and Minho turned his head towards you, eyes wide and mouth slightly parted in surprise. "This is adream right? Oh shit I had too much coffee." You were surprised at his words. Wait did he dream of this in a regular basis or what? Or were in you in a coma and this was all in your head? You slightly moved in the bed and as your stomach slightly hurt, you thought, yes definetly not a coma. "Or you could just get me some breakfast? Im hungry and in pain right now." "O-oh yeah I'll just tell t-the guys to get you some. K cool bye Y/N! See you later definetly don't wanna kiss you haha bye!" You were in a state of euphoria as Minho left the room, a blushing mess. Did you just make the Lee Minho blush and stutter? Oh you could jump in joy right now. Well if you could jump. Was this wrong, you thought. Not feeling sad even though your parents had just died? Or were you too familiar with sadness, that meeting her wasn't a big deal anymore?

The door opened again after fifteen minutes to reveal a blonde- haired boy with the most prettiest eyes you've ever seen, carrying a breakfast tray, followed by a taller long haired boy, who looked like he came straight out of those anime comics you read. "Hey noona! Here's some breakfast! Are you feeling better now?" The blonde haired boy, who had a very deep voice, said in a cheery tone. You considered asking him if he was a pixie or an angel because God did he emit that vibe. That positive vibe that just made you wanna pick some flowers and braid them in someone's hair. "Oh hello there. Um thank you for the food. Im sorry if it was of any inconvenience to you." This time, the long haired boy responded instead, saying "Oh no Noona it's fine. Minho hyung would kill us, well specifically me, if, according to his words 'you felt any discomfort', so please eat up. Im Hyunjin by the way and this is Felix." "Im Y/N. Yoon Y/N. But I'm guessing you already knew that?"

"Well of course we know about you. Minho hyung doesn't stop talking to me about you." Jisung had just appeared at the door, dressed in a leather jacket with leather pants, making him look like a biker. "He literally talked to me about your favourite ice cream flavour for five house noona I'm not joking. So please would you tell him you like or something so that I can get out of this hellhole of listening to him?" You were slightly taken aback by Jisung's words and as he plopped and deflated onto the purple couch, you looked at him with a curious expression, "Oh I'm Jisung by the way. Minho's amazingly talented best friend." You heard Hyunjin mutter something along the lines of 'he forgot to add annoying'. "Um I have a lot questions that Minho didn't properly answer. May I ask them,if you don't mind?" You directed this question at Felix, who looked ecstatic at the thought of answering questions, as Hyunjin pulled up two chairs. "Yeah of course Noona! My brother is really vague so please forgive him for that." You smiled at Felix's words about Minho. "Ok first of all where are we right now?" "We're in the outskirts of Jeju Island. This is Minho's hyung's mansion. Well technically our mansion, but my parents are the ones who own it. It's really old and no one cares about it. So we carry out our, er, operations here." Seeing Felix say all that was like seeing a chick with a knife. "So do all of you have like different jobs here? Like in the books and movies?" Hyunjin chuckled at that. "Minho hyung told us you liked suspense literature. Well to answer your question, yes we do have different jobs here. Chan hyung is kind of like our leader. He basically gives all the contacts and manages our profile and connections. You know all the administration shit. Changbin hyung and this idiot over here-" He gestured towards Jisung who gasped dramatically, "-they are our muscle and also so the money work. Lix over here does all the hacking work since his parents trained him and also since he's obsessed with gaming." Felix turned red at that, "Seungmin and Jeongin are our snipers. They are really young but I mean none of us really had an actual childhood. I run the interrogation work. And Minho hyung basically does everything. He doesn't really have a designated position." The way Hyunjin said all of that in the most casual tone weirded you out. He talked as if he was talking about morning coffee, as if it completely normal and nothing suspicious. You smiled awkwardly at Hyunjin who simply stared out the window at the sunlight. "Are all of you so gorgeous over here?" You blurted out, to which Jisung choked on his own saliva, Felix blushed pink and Hyunjin blinked multiple times. "I mean unless you count Jisung out, then yeah all of us are really pretty." You laughed at Hyunjin's statement to which Jisung looked like a furious squirrel.

"Yah Yongbok, Hyunjin are you coming down?" You heard Minho shout from below. "Oh gotta go. Anyways it was nice talking to you noona! I think Minho hyung called the doctor to come in the evening, so you should probably rest up until then. Oh and-" Felix paused for a moment and pulled out a sketchpad from nowhere. "Don't tell Minho I have you this. He told me you like to draw so I sneaked this in here." With that, all of them left you in the room, with a sketchpad, your phone and September's tunes.

You wiled away the hours by drawing the room around you. You tried to draw Hyunjin, Felix, Jisung and Chan too. The house was quiet apart from the voices of whom you assumed was Jeongin and Seungmin talking very loudly. But something was distracting you. That bracelet. The bracelet lying on the bedside drawer. You knew that bracelet very well. It was the bracelet which Doowon had made for you when you were eight or so. And you hadn't ever seen it ever since that night. So what was it doing here? Minho had told you that his cousin and his family don't talk at all, so how was this bracelet here? Was Minho lying? No he wouldn't do that. Yes mortal enemy things but you didn't think this man would be crazy enough to kill. You picked up the bracelet and twirled it in your hands. It was pretty, with gold lining the thing.

You noticed something on one of the biggest pink beads of the bracelet. The bead was... Open? It had a line tracing it as if it was a Pokemon ball, ready to split at any moment to reveal your Pokemon. Curious, you dig your nails into it to open it up. After a few minutes of difficulty (and you almost giving up), you managed to open the ball up. Inside was a tiny piece of folded paper. It was so tiny indeed, that you wondered how someone had managed to fold it. You dug the paper out and unfolded its many layers of folds. This definetly wasn't there when your brother had so lovingly made it for you. The paper was faded, but still looked relatively new. There were some words on it typed out in red, black and blue. The words:.

Yoon Doowon

Birth: September 21, 2005 (Age: Unknown)

Job: Hitman, Ally, Possible heir

Status: Alive

3: Take the weight off his shoulders

'Do you remember 22st night of September? Love was chasing the minds of pretenders all while dancing the night away."

"God boss can you turn that off? It's been playing for an hour now." A stout man, dressed in tight black clothes, which fitted his muscles was sitting spread eagle on a nice blue cushion chair. Sitting in front of him on a much more bigger chair, was a man dressed elaborately in a white mink stole, a pristine white suit, with rings of all colours adorning his fingers, and a big black brooch on a golden chain stuck to his suit. "I won't turn it off until the chorus Brian. You know I love this song don't you? And you shall listen to it until your ears bleed out." Brian groaned and leaned back in his chair. "When is Mr Wang coming?" The man asked Brian. "It's possible he'll be arriving in a few minutes sir. But don't worry. I have intel that he got the job done well and good." "And the little rat? What about her?" Brian shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Well she might have gotten away. Lee's gang was there." The man threw his long hair back and threw off the stole, a frown and a red scar decorating his handsome face.

They were in a large room, an office, but it looked more like a King's throne room, where there were chairs for the ministers and wine glasses all decked with pink fluid. There was no door, but a few handing blue beads, which tinkled every now and then. "How could she have gotten away? Who did you send to kill them?" "I sent our best assassin sir." The man scoffed. "Well, clearly he wasn't the best. Does he have family?" Brian nodded in response to the question. "Good. Kill them." "Of course sir."

The blue beads tinkled as a heavily scarred man came into the room along with two bodyguards. "Mr Wang." The white draped man bowed deeply to Jackson who bowed back, only a bit. "Well well well Doowon. You did good. Your parents are dead. This deserves a toast. Shall we?" Doowon smirked at the man and got a green bottle from underneath the table. "Only the finest whiskey for you Mr Wang." Jackson chuckled coldly, taking a glass from the table and extending it forward to Doowon. "But-" Doowon said as he slowly uncorked the bottle. "I do not wish for your bodyguards to be here. You know how the Lee Family works? Even the most trusted allies can turn into back stabbers when their money is involved. " If Jackson Wang was startled, he didn't show it on his face. Instead he motioned for his guards to leave the room, who followed suit, although with a little uncertainty. Brian also left the room, leaving the two scarred men alone.

"Well then a toast. To me and you. Buisness partners." Doowon raised his glass in unison with Jackson, who drank up the whiskey quickly. "Mr Wang I have something to tell you." Jackson looked up at the younger man and waved his hand as if to say 'go on'. "First of all I just want to thank you for taking me in that night, when everyone thought I was dead. You were so ever so good with your observations to notice that I was only playing dead. And then you trained me and everything so thank you for that. And for telling me the truth about everything." Jackson simply nodded. He felt a sharp jab in his stomach and his head started to stir. Doowon was going out of focus now and in what seemed like a split second, Jackson Wang rolled off of the chair, onto the floor. Dead. "But I wanted to tell you sir." Doowon spoke to the limp body on the floor. "That I would like to take over by myself now. You're getting too old and I don't want you to interfere in my personal matters."

"How do you feel now Y/N? Better?" A pretty older woman was checking up on you. She wore a doctor's coat with the nametag 'Dr Kim' on it. She was Seungmin's aunt, the surgeon who had saved your life. "Well the pain has subsided a bit Dr.Kim. I still feel a bit dizzy every time I move, but I think I'm good now." Dr Kim warmly smiled at you as she checked your heartbeat. "Well in any case, I think you'll be fine by tomorrow. You can even walk around tomorrow if you like. But for now, just get some more sleep. I'll tell Minho and the boys not to disturb you alright?" Dr Kim gently squeezed your hand and packed up her equipment. She spoke to you as if you were her own child, with such delicate words and a comforting voice, something that your mother never gave you. "Um Dr Kim? Could you ask Minho to come up here please? If you don't mind?" "Of course honey! I'll ask him. Take care now." She gently kissed your forehead and went out the door.

"You wanted to see me?" Minho was dressed in a blue shirt, slightly open at the top and white pants. He looked so.... refined. And hot, exactly like a K drama CEO. God damn he looked delicious. Don't lick your lips. Do not lick your fucking lips Y/N. "Yeah I have some questions." Minho groaned as he shut the door and came forward to sit on the bed. "What now?" "Where did you get this bracelet?" You held up the bracelet to Minho, who looked at you, perplexed. "That's my bracelet, for your information. My mother gifted it to me. It's been in my family for centuries." Wait what now? "Minho stop fucking lying would you? My brother gave me this as a surprise gift when I was ten. And it went missing ever since the day he fucking died! So could you please tell me where the fuck you got this? Or I'm getting out of this bed and asking Chan." "Woah there princess." Minho looked at you, worried at your outburst. "Alright don't get out of bed please. I don't want you bleeding out and dying. But I'm telling the truth. This is the bracelet my mother gave me when I was twelve. It's been passed on from generation to generation in the Lee Family. It's a special bracelet, because it has these tiny chits inside the beads, telling the person who opens it who the next leader of, well, underground South Korea is going to be."

Too much information again. Number one, you could not stop staring at Minho's pretty pink lips. Number two, why did the chit inside the bead have your brother's name? And why did it say that he was alive?" "Wh-who puts the chits inside of this?" You asked Minho, carefully hiding the chit inside of your hand. "Well my uncle Wang dies. Jackson's dad. His great great great grandpa was the one who made this bracelet. So he has the right to choose the heir." "Minho I think you need to see this." You handed Minho the faded chit. He looked at it for a solid fifteen seconds before looking at you, blinking rapidly, just like how he does whenever someone surprises him. "Y/N oh fuck. Shit come on get up. Quick. I'll help you." "Wait Minho what? What happened?" You asked Minho as he gently wrapped his arms around your waist, supporting you as you slowly got out the bed, and onto your legs. "Y/N we need to get to a safer place. If- if what this chit says is true, you're in more danger than I thought." "Wait Minho stop. Would you stop for a moment? Minho- Lee Minho!" You shouted his name, which made him stop in his tracks, arms still supporting your waist, even though you could still walk fine. "Would you please explain to me what's going on?" "Come down to the hall." Minho sighed and told you. "The boys, except Chan hyung, don't know either. So I can tell them and you at the same time. It'll be easier won't it?"

You nodded, not saying anything. Your mouth was dry and words were not escaping it. Gosh September was meant to be good. Why was it so full of surprises?

"Yah Minho Hyung! Auntie told noona can't get up until tomorrow." Seungmin said to Minho as both of you cam doen the stairs. All of the boys were pin the living room, immersed in their own work. Seungmin and Jeongin were playing chess and Chan was on his laptop as usual. "Chan hyung. I think I've figured out who the Mink Thief is." Chan's head snapped from his laptop to Minho so fast, that you swore you heard a cracking sound. The other boys' attention was also now on Minho. "Are you joking or are you actually telling the truth right now?" Minho smiled at Chan's words and set you down on the couch next to Changbin gently. "No I am not joking. Look at this." He handed Chan the bracelet and the chit, which Chan twirled in his gorgeous fingers, all the while looking at it as if it was some alien substance. "Oh fucking hell. Not him?" Minho nodded at Chan's exasperated words as Chan slumped in his chair, setting his laptop down on the table. "Can anyone explain what's going on please? Minho hyung?" Felix asked. "Alright bitches-" "language Minho" "Hyung stop being so old. Alright bitches listen up. So first of all let me introduce you to a man named Yoon Doowon, also known to us as The Mink Thief, who has been sending our families threats for a long time, also know to Y/N as her dead brother." "Yah! Rude!" "Anyways, one thing that Chan hyung found out a few days ago is that The Mink Thief has been in contact with my cousin, Jackson, ever since the day of Y/N's brother's murder. Also Y/N," he paused at looked into your eyes. "Whatever I'm about to say next will probably shock you so please don't faint out of surprise." You looked at Minho with the best offended eyes you could.

Minho then continued in a much more serious voice, "Yoon Danbi, Y/N's mom has been a spy for my family ever since I was born. Her and her husband had been placed here in Jeju Island along with their only daughter Yoon Jinhee, for an important mission. But soon, people grew suspicious of how both of them would act all the time, leaving their daughter alone for such long periods of time, coming home late at deadly hours and blah blah blah. So, in order to make their family seem much more 'normal', they took in two children. Choi Doowon and Jeon Y/N." "Minho what the fuck are you saying right now." Why were there so many surprises? Was your entire life a lie? Were you adopted for some stupid mission or something? What kind of Marvel shit was this? "Yeah this is why I said, don't faint out of shock." Minho slightly chuckled as Chan looked at repramandingly. "Look yes it's true your parents aren't your real parents. But the thing is your didn't even have parents. You came straight from the orphanage. So when my family took one look at you, someone with no background information which can be traced, they thought you were perfect for this mission. I mean, think of it Y/N, haven't you ever saw your parents hiding any documents from you or getting afraid when you asked for your birth certificate whenever you needed to register for your basketball games?" Yes, when you thought about it, they did do that.

"Hyung don't you think you should have had this conversation somewhere more private?" Felix looked from your distraught face to Minho's. "We probably should have but I have shit to tell all of you too." Minho said to his younger brother. "When Doowon supposedly died that night, Jackson Wang got a new partner in crime. Doowon was probably still alive. I know that no one can survive a fall like that, but I seriously don't know how he survived. So what I'm assuming from this tiny chit here, is that Jackson probably told Doowon the truth about his true parentage and all, and then like a basic villain, Doowon wanted revenge and now Y/N's life is basically a fantasy novel." "Ain't that right?" You scoffed. "My entire fucking life is a lie. I mean is my name even Y/N? Are we just living in a hallucination? What if all humanity is meant to do is just live our boring lives until a giant space turtle comes along and kills us all?" "That would be a cool way to die." Jisung said, not even a bit surprised by your rambling. "Jisung." Chan looked at Jisung with a glare. "Alright listen up everybody. Now that the sad backstory is out the way, we need to get down to buisness. First of all we need to get Y/N somewhere safe. Well safer. So Y/N, would you be willing to go along with Jisung, Jeongin and Seungmin?" You nodded at Chan, who looked very relieved. "Great. Felix, Hyunjin, would both of you search out if Vernon's mansion is still protected and everything? " Felix and Hyunjin replied 'yes' to Chan and quickly went out the room. "Um noona we should get going. Can you walk by yourself?" Seungmin stood up and extended a hand to you, which you gratefully took and got up. "Yeah I can walk don't worry. Um where are we going?" Seungmin smiled at you, revealing his braces. "Don't worry about that. Just follow me to the car."

Fifteen minutes later, you were sitting in the back of a Bentley with Jisung, with Seungmin driving and Jeongin stared out the window, sitting quietly in the passenger seat. "You're lucky Minho hyung gave us his car noona." Jisung commented. "He never even lets us touch it. But then again, we're with you, so I guess that makes up for it." You looked at Jisung's wavy hair and thought to yourself that how can a sweet boy like him, be Minho's best friend. "Jisung, when you said Minho doesn't stop talking about me to you guys, what exactly does he talk about?" "Oh noona I could write an entire seven book Series about that " Seungmin responded instead of Jisung. "He doesn't ever stop talking about what your favourite song is, or what you wore today or how your hair falls in such a perfect way. And when we tell him to just tell you that he is pathetically in love with you, he sulks and says that he would rather kill himself." Well that was certainly surprising. "Oh we're here." Jeongin said, as the car pulled up to a massive iron gate, which had the letters C, H and V on it. What it was guarding was a massive black mansion, which looked very much like a vampire's lair, covered in vines of ivy with a statue of bat hanging out in the big yard. "Chwe Hansol. Also known as Vernon. This is his mansion. He's a good friend of Chan Hyung's and he lets us use the mansion whenever we want. It's the safest place in Jeju Island so we'll be good here noona." Jisung told you, as you stepped out of the car. The mansion looked so ethereal and as you walked into the yard through the gate, you wondered if this was the mansion which was described in the story of the vampire Carmilla. You lived and breathed for that story and you were excited at the thought of hiding in a place which looked exactly like Carmilla's mansion, where she took the blood of her lover, weeping over her body, and complaining about her death.

The boys pushed open the big dual doors of the mansion with difficulty, but not before Jisung had entered a pass code on the tiny keyboard thing which was on the right side of the door. This was indeed Carmilla's mansion, you thought as you entered the big living room, which was decked from head to toe in gold and silver. There was a magnificent chandelier hanging from the ceiling, along with busts of some vague looking people.

"Gosh this is so pretty." You said to Seungmin, who smiled and said "Wait till you see the ball room." You were about say 'theres a ball room here?' when suddenly the lights went out. "Ah fucking hell. Guys stay here with noona. I'll go and see what's wrong." You heard Jisung's voice. "I don't think you need to do that, my dear Mr.Han." you heard a cold voice, which didn't belong to any of the boys. "Who's ther-" Before Seungmin could finish his sentence, you felt a hit to your head, and you blacked out, before hearing Jisung shout, "Noona!"

"Y/Nnie. Wake up." Doowon said in a sing song voice. The boys were tightly tied up to the chairs, with cello tape around their mouths. You were also tied up to the big blue cushion chair, with Doowon, standing in front of you, wearing a red coat and that mink fur stole. He had three bodyguards with him, all buffer than Changbin, all carrying guns and all looking scary as fuck. "Y/N wake up you stupid bitch." Doowon slapped your face painfully, which made you slightly stir. "Hey don't do that she's injured!" Jisung shouted out, having managed to chew through his cello tape. Doowon looked at Jisung with a sarcastic smile and said nothing, while one of the bodyguards punched Jisung. "Doowon?" You had woken up and the surroundings were appearing more clearly now. Your stomach hurt so much and your brain was still fuzzy, except for your dead brother standing in front of you, smirking. "Oh hey Y/Nnie. You miss me?" He asked you in a cold voice you didn't recognise. Never September. This was not September's child standing in front of you. This wasn't September's child, who used to chase butterflies and gift you cute little stones, standing in front of you. "Doowon you're alive." You managed to cough out some words, along with a bit of blood. "Ahh yes I am. I assume your stupid boyfriend already told you what happened to me. So I'm going to skip over the part where I explain shit to you." He let out a cold laugh which made you flinch. "Doowon this isn't you. What are you doing?" You asked him, tears welling up in your eyes. "This isn't me? No Y/N this is me. I've been lied to my entire life and Jackson Wang told me the truth. He taught me the way to survive in our world. He's dead now by the way. Just like our 'parents'." "Doowon please. Stop this lunacy! Atleast let the boys go they haven't done anything wrong!" Doowon leaned down to your level and lifted your chin with his finger. You shivered at his cold touch. "Aww Y/N. Always so fucking innocent. Baby the boys are leverage. Soon the rest of the boys will be here and then after some introductions, I can finally rule all of South Korea." Your tears had escaped now as you looked over at the boys, who were knocked unconscious by the bodyguards. You felt like the most lowest human being on earth, when you looked at Jeongin's bleeding lip, wondering what Chan's reaction would be when he arrived here. "Brian! Go check if the doors are open please. I want them all to waltz in here and call for these pathetic boys. And then we'll hit them where they don't even know it hurts. Maybe we'll start with this one." He moved over to Jeongin. The man named Brian laughed and winked at Doowon. "I'll get the door sir." He moved out the room swiftly.

Fifteen minutes had passed. Fifteen silent minutes. This was silence which you did not enjoy. Silence was sweet in September, when only the Magpies chirped. But now, as you watched Jeongin and Seungmin slightly stir, silence became bitter. "Is Brian not coming? You!" Doowon shouted at one of the guards. "Go out and see where he is! Does it take this much time for the rascal to come back?" The guard obeyed and made to get up from his seat on a rickety wooden chair. BANG! A bullet shot went through the guards head, and as he slumped to the ground, with a pool of blood around his head, Doowon screamed and grabbed Jisung by his chin. "You! What have you done!" Jisung merely smirked at him as Doowon lay frozen there, staring at the body. "Oh for fucks sake what are both of you doing?" Doowon spat at the two remaining guards. "Go upstairs and check if the rats have entered the house already!" The guards nodded their heads fervently and went off in opposite directions, only to be met with two gunshots. The door burst open, as Minho and the remaining boys barged in.

"Doowon." Minho said coldly to Doowon, who merely smirked, trying to hide the fact that he had peed his pants a bit. "Well you found me didn't you? Good job Minho. You know Mr Wang told me how your family works. So I'm honoured that I'm actually getting to experience a member of the great Lee family trying to kill me." You were disgusted by his words. Where did your sweet Doowon go? Where did the boy whom you had cried for day and night go? "Let the boys and Y/N go. Now Doowon. And we won't have any consequences." Chan said to Doowon. He looked furious. You hadn't ever seen Chan like this. "Oh you can take the boys first and then I'll give you Y/N." Hearing that, Changbin and Hyunjin hurried forward, untied the boys, who were concious by now and supported them on their arms, as they carried them back to safety.

"Now Y/N's turn. Give her back to me Doowon and maybe you won't end up choking on your own blood tonight." Minho's voice made your heart go warm. He had nothing but cold fury in his voice. If you thought you had seen his anger on that one particular basketball match in Busan, you were mistaken.

"Now why would I do that? Sweet little Y/N is all ok tied up to his chair aren't you Y/Nnie?" He pulled your hair and kicked you hard in your stomach, which made you cough out blood. Yep, the stitches in your stomach had probably opened up. Fuck no, not now. Don't die in September. Let me wait for October. October seemed more comforting now. The Magpies had their babies in October. Im October, you could get boba on discount. In October, you could hand out with your friends whenever you want. In October, Minho would turn a year older. Wait how did you know that? Why was this room so fuzzy? Hey Minho's face. His beautiful face. It was going out of focus now. Good way to die isn't it. You hoped death came to you, wrapped in white silk and picked you up in her arms like a baby and put you in a cradle. A cradle painted orange and yellow. A cradle with Magpies on it. A cradle which loved all the months equally. But especially October. Especially October.

"Doowon, stop that! Stop fucking hurting her!" Minho screamed at Doowon. You were blacked out now and as Minho looked at your gently sleeping figure, his heart dropped to the bottom of his stomach. "And what if I don't? What will you do oh great Lee Minho? I have her in my arms and I can do anything I wa-" That was the last thing Minho heard before all he saw was Doowon's dumb face, struck with shock, bullet hole in his big head, blood staining his already red suit and his stupid mentality finally gone from this world. "Good job Minho. Now come on let's get Y/N. Guys get Jisung, Seungmin and Jeongin to the car. We'll get Y/N." Chan told the others, while Minho had already strode over to you. He hurriedly untied the ropes around your arms and legs and got you to his arms, fingers looking for your wrists, to check your pulse. Tears were coming out now. Tears he never knew would come for you. He loved you. So much. So much it was honestly pathetic. The way you scowled everytime you saw him, the way your eyes lit up whenever you got a high test score, the way you cherished December for your birthday, the way you existed. He loved everything about you. And he can't lose you. Not now. Not ever.

"Feeling good kitten?" You had woken up in Minho's house again, with Dr Kim checking your heartbeat and adjusting your blood pump. "Minho." You managed to breath out weakly, making Minho's heart drop again. He was quick to stand up and cup your face in his arms gently as tears poured out of your eyes. "Hey hey hey don't cry." He said so gently, in a tone which he never used with you. "No Y/N. Shh. I've got you. You're safe. You're safe." He hugged you gently, supporting your head with his hands as you silently sobbed into his shirt. Once you pulled away, you noticed that his shirt was wet from all the crying and that his eye bags were more prominent. "Im sorry. I'm so sorry Minho. I-I really didn't know about..... about him and I caused you all this trouble. I am so sorry." "Hey hey princess. Y/N listen to me." You looked into his eyes, which were twinkling into yours. "None of it is your fault. You hear me? None of it. If anything, I should have told you all that I know earlier but I couldn't. Because- because I- I love you Y/N." That was it. That's all it took. That's all it took, for your eyes to widen, your hands to reach up to his jaw and for your lips to meet his, in a slow dance accompanied by the melodies of the Magpies outside, celebrating that you two had finally realised your love for each other. You pulled away after what felt like a very short time, but you were running out of breath. Minho and you stared at each other for a while and then burst into giggles. "That felt nice princess. You sure you haven't kissed anyone before?" You slapped his chest playfully as you said "Yah! Don't make me think back about being your girlfriend Lee Minho." Minho's eyes lit up and he stuttered out "Girlfriend? Yep I'm in a dream someone pinch me." You rolled your eyes as you pinched him and he let out a tiny scream. "Oh stop so dramatic. How long was I out by the way? And are the boys alright?" "You were out for two days now kitten. And the boys are good. Jisung is saying he finally got his 'Wattpad best friend gets kidnapped moment' and I think Chan told Dr Kim to double his dosage of sleeping pills so now he's crashed out. And snoring loudly."

"Noona you're awake!" Felix had come into the room, well more like bounced into the room along with the rest of the boys, Seungmin sporting a cast, and Jeongin having a pink band-aid on his lip. Felix hugged you tightly while Chan hugged Minho. "Lix let her go. She needs to breath." Chan said to Felix, who had been hugging you for a long time now. "Seungmin, Jeongin are you guys ok now? I am literally so sorry." Jeongin smiled at you sweetly, his fox like eyes forming crescents and said, "We're good noona. Technically we should be asking you that question. And it's fine please don't apologise." He bowed a bit to you and as you tried to bow back, whilst sitting, Hyunjin said, to Minho "So hyung. Have you finally got your ass together and asked noona out?" Minho glared at Hyunjin as everyone else in the room laughed. "You will be getting your mouth stuffed tonight Hyunjin. And yes I have asked her out. And now she's my girlfriend." "Yah who said I was your girlfriend?" You jokingly said. "Ok I'm gonna ask Jisung out then." Minho said standing up.

Four years later

You had been living with Minho for four years now, as his live-in Girlfriend. He had introduced you to his parents, who had been nothing less that kind to you. They had first apologized profusely for the whole Doowon incident, to which you told them that you really didn't care. You had Minho with you and all of your past had slowly faded away.

And every year as October and September came, you learnt to cherish ,not the month, but the memories you made every day. You learnt to forever keep memories of you, your boyfriend, your friends and everyone around you. You learnt how to let go of grief easily.

And when Minho proposed to you, on the twenty first night of December, you learnt, you just needed someone a bit older, and a bit colder, to teach you what it meant to love a person like you'd love a month.

[dunnswrld]

Honey

warnings: fem!reader, best friend!johnny, high school setting (both of you are 18!!), making out, johnny being handsy, just teens being teens

PS: the dialogue will use the name “pj” and the text will use the name “johnny” sorry its just how my brain wrote this

you sat on your bed, body not under the covers cause of the hot tennessee heat. your legs propped up to hold the book in your thighs, you were doing homework for your english class on a friday night. usually the rest of your soon graduateing class would be out doing god knows what but for you it was different. unfortunately for you, you had failed your english class last year and had to retake it to graduate. it sucked sure but you couldn’t be mad over it cause you were slacking in that class last year.

you were in a pj set that was a silk white tank top with matching silk white shorts that were rather short but they were pjs and were meant to be comfortable even if they were a bit scandalous. the book that was between your thighs was catcher of the rye, it was a great book to you- you weren’t really sure why you weren’t interested in it last year.

your finger grazed the page as you flipped it, you were deep into the book as things seemed like they were getting intense. you obviously weren’t aware of your surroundings because you hadn’t seem to notice your life-long best friend, johnny, looking at you through the glass of your window.

his brows raised a bit as his lips were parted, he was only focused on you. your legs parted, those short silky shorts you were wearing that were so short he could see a line where your ass and thigh met, and the strains of hair that fell into your face as you read the book sat on your thighs. he could only imagine what standing in front of you looked like. made him almost wish he had used the front door, your parents would’ve let him in.

johnny always had a thing for you, since you kissed his cheek in the 4th grade under the pine tree by the school playground. it amazed him that you had been able to keep him wrapped around your finger without even knowing it all these years. he thought he made it obvious how much he liked you but you never caught onto them. which he liked but hated. liked because you guys wouldn’t ruin something but hated because he wanted you to be his girl so badly.

johnny soon snapped out of his haze and realized that he probably looked like a total creep to anyone who passed by him this evening. johnny quickly knocked on your window, your head shooting up from your book to look in the direction of the knock. but your face relaxing when you saw johnny giving a small wave. you playfully rolled your eyes and mouthed its open.

johnnys eyes were on you the whole process he had of opening the window, crawling in, and closing the window. yours were also watching him, for some reason his gaze at you was too strong to break.

“hey honey.”

honey. the nickname that johnny gave to you so many years ago when you two were kids but still never failed to make you blush. he always used to tell you that you were as sweet as honey and possibly even sweeter so he started calling you honey, and since that day it stuck.

“hey pj.”

you both couldn’t help but giggle at the odd way you two had greeted each other. johnny sat on the corner of your bed, his eyes still on yours.

“oh im sorry are you busy? i shoulda called first.”

“oh no you’re fine, let me just finish this chapter then we can do something alright?”

johnny hummed at your response as you quickly dove back into your book. johnny then moved himself closer into the middle of your bed right next to your legs and sprawled out comfortably, you two always treating each others rooms like your own.

but it wasn’t until johnny moved his head and saw how close his body was to yours did he start feeling the way he felt outside of your bedroom window. johnnys breath staggered as his eyes scanned your body. his own hand seemed to move on its own as it gently fell onto your upper knee. when johnny realized where his hand moved he peered up at you through his lashes and saw that you could care less about his hand placement as he began to slowly draw circles on your exposed knee with his thumb.

but he really began to test his luck when he slowly moved his hand closer and closer to your inner thighs, this was enough to pull you out of your book and look down at johnny. his eyes were low and his lips were parted, the golden lighting from the sunset hitting his pre-summer tan skin he earned from baseball.

you couldn’t lie to yourself that johnny was attractive, maybe one of the most attractive boys you’ve seen. you were ashamed to say you’ve liked him since you could remember, you weren’t supposed to fall in love with your best friend but johnny made it so hard to not.

“whatcha doing pj?”

johnnys hand seemes to retrack as soon as the sentence fell from your mouth. almost as if he was waiting for you to say something to him.

“sorry that was a little much huh?”

“i mean, i kinda liked it.”

johnny shifted his weight on your bed so he could see you better, trying to read your face to see if you were serious or pulling his leg. his elbow propped him up as he looked into your eyes, he couldn't see any sign of you joking on your face which made him heart thump out of his chest.

johnny nervously moved his hand back to your knee where he slowly dragged his hand up to your inner thigh, not breaking eye contact with you once. your legs seemed to spread on there own as johnny's hand fell closer to the space between your legs- his cheeks heating up as he realized how intimate his hand placement really was.

you couldn't help but feel like you were under a spot light right now with the way johnny was looking at you. it was a look you had never seen before but wish you had. his eyes were low but intense, it was enough to make you feel insecure under his gaze.

but johnny didn't stay still for long as he moved his hand to your hip and shifted his body closer to yours. his face was inches from yours and you could feel his breath hitting your lips almost in a teasing manner.

"could i kiss you? honey?"

you gently nodded at johnny's words, and the boy wasted no time putting his hand gently on your cheek and bringing your lips to his. the kiss was sweet and soft just like honey, johnny's lips were softer and more gentle then you could've ever imagined. there was so much love and passion in the kiss, almost like johnny had been waiting to do this just as long as you.

when you two both finally pulled away for air you finally saw the full picture of johnny. his lips now a swollen pink and light layer of spit coating them making them look more kissable then usual. his hand was still on your cheek as johnny looked at you, the blush spread across your cheeks and the way your eyes were practically begging him for another kiss made the butterflies in his stomach flutter.

but this time johnny didn't ask if he could kiss you again instead his lips met yours quickly again before his lips began to travel down to your neck. gentle warm kisses were being placed on your neck from johnny's lips as a small whine escaped your mouth.

you took your hands off your book and moved a hand to the back of johnny's head, encouraging him to keep kissing your body. johnny's body had made its way between your legs, his hands glued to your waist as he slowly drifted them under the thin material of your silk tank top.

johnny's lips trailed closer to your ear as he began to place gentle bites on your neck, causing your hand to tightly grip his brown hair. you tried shifting your hips closer to johnny's hoping to bring your bodies as close as they could be. a faint chuckle fell from his lips before he whispered in your ear,

"you still wanna finish that chapter honey?"

[v-cain]

"What The Fuck?"

Fandom: Xmen

Pairings: Logan Howlett x gn!teen!reader, mentioned Kurt Wagner x gn!teen!reader

Warnings: Swearing, Falling on your ass.

A/N: crack fic with minor foreshadowing ooh spooky. anyways theres a lil heartfelt moment in there cuz im a loser who likes heartfelt moments. enjoy. (lmk if i missed any warnings)

----

Last night, you got to spend your first night in your own room! This may not seem like huge thing to most, but when you've been sharing with a group of twelve year old boys..you loose your mind a bit.You sit up and stretch with a huge yawn. For once in your life, you've managed to get a peaceful nights sleep, which meant you could probably do something productive with your evening. You go to your dresser and choose a lovely f/c outfit that compliment your scales beautifully, and then walk to your door so you can go downstairs and eat some food. Maybe you would even do today's homework-

THUD

You stumble backwards, nearly falling on your ass. What the fuck? You try and walk forwards once again before you realize the problem: your wings. Sometimes your wings wouldn't fold if you kept them folded for too long, which has never proven to be a problem because you could always squeeze through the doors. This is apparently not the case in your new room. You stare at the door before trying to turn sideways and walk through the door- except your room wasn't big enough to turn fully with your wings expanded.

What the hell do you do? Do you yell for Kurt to get his ass in here and teleport you out? Or do you wait for Logan to realize you're not in class and go looking for you? You stand there for ages before eventually looking out the window. The stars were out tonight, which meant you would be able to convince Logan to skip class and look at the stars instead. If you could get out of your god forsaken room-

----

Logan sighed for what felt like the hundredth time this minute. Y/N was late for class by an hour, which by itself was unusual, but no one has seen Y/N all day- they usually at least try to leave their room during the morning. He gave up on waiting and decided to look for them- first thing first, their bedroom. They could've just overslept and are still tangled in about a million blankets (Logan commented that it looked like a nest, and Y/N's response had been "Fuckin' duh.")

He reached their room and knocked three times, and immediately heard an exasperated "Fucking finally! Open the door!" Clearly confused, Logan opened the door to reveal Y/N standing on their bed with their wings expanded, taking up most of the room. "Kid...what the hell happened?" the teen grinned at him and shrugged, simply responding "I got stuck here for two hours 'cause my wings wouldn't fold. Can you get Kurt to teleport me out?"Logan nodded and took one last glance at them before heading off to the end of the hall where Kurt was.

----

"..So, that's what happened to my wings earlier. It doesn't really hurt, but keeping them folded up all the time does." the teen said nonchalantly. Logan looked at them with a raised eyebrow, "You would think you would have the common sense to stretch them or, you know, fly, but I guess not." You shift uncomfortably and laugh a little " Yeah, I probably should stretch more often." The older man looks at you for a moment but decides to not comment on your wording.

The pair sits in silence for the next while, quietly admiring the stars. You look at Logan momentarily, wondering how different your life would be if you hadn't come to the school. You would probably be deep in a forest, far away from any civilisation. You wouldn't have your amazing friends, any good role models...you would be alone.

Thank fuck you're not.

[shiningshib]

conversations my boyfriend and i had as seventeen ships

a/n: i actually wrote this a while ago but forgot to post it lmao + love my bf and svt

wonwoo how does it feel to lose?

hoshi a l w a y s

s.coups i won’t ever stop loving you

woozi i wOnT eVeR sToP LoViNg yOu, biTChHhh *strums guitar*

seungkwan i’m literally hilarious, i have the best quality humour

vernon you made a tiktok making fun of vsco girls and turtles, you’re borderline hilarious

the8 you’re stuck with me, a dumb bitch, forever and ever and ever.

jun that means you’re stuck with me too feels bad *finger guns*

s.coups are you mad at me because i forgot to tell you i did the french homework...?

jeonghan you think i’m actually THAT petty? ... yes, yes i am.

dokyeom you’re cute

hoshi no u

dokyeom reverse card uno, ‘uno’ spells out ‘no u’ so therefore i win

hoshi yes but actually no

joshua i love glass noodles

jeonghan same

joshua glass noodles tickle my gibbies

jeonghan what the fuck

joshua it’s like the butter to my biscuit

jeonghan what the fuck is wrong with you-

hoshi you’re so smol it’s so úwù

woozi i’m literally the scariest person alive why can’t you see that

mingyu when we’re married and we’re hungry at 3 in the morning can we go to a drive through and get food?

wonwoo yes.

mingyu really?

wonwoo yes, in my lamborghini

dino your voice is as smooth as the butter on my bagel

dokyeom lmfao i thought you said the butter on my butter

dino im doing therapy

joshua that’s amazing!

dino retail therapy

joshua what-

hoshi i just spent $60 it was gonna be $80 but i so many coupons it went down to $60

the8 that’s so cute of you

mingyu i can literally be your sugar daddy

the8 the fuck i literally buy you everything

mingyu but i buy you stuff

the8 then why haven’t i received literally any gifts

mingyu i accidentally used the socks i bought for you and uh i think the stuffy i bought for you 2 years ago is still lost somewhere in my room

the8 mingyu babe what the fuck

[c0rpseductor]

im reading fifty shades again, god knows why. i'm on chapter 2 now.

i'm really struggling to wrap my head around these pacing choices, which i think is good food for thought when it comes to applying Lessons to my own work. i'm always really concerned with proper pacing, i feel like connective tissue can be one of my weaker points.

so far ana has driven back to where she lives, which made sense to me as far as like, something to condense into a paragraph or two - a long drive alone is kind of boring, and doesn't add a lot in terms of character work or breathing space that would justify focusing on it otherwise.

the weird part that stuck out to me is that there's this overture afterwards of like, "oh, now she has to go to work," except it's built up and then the moment she enters her place of employment THAT'S also condensed into a timeskip, rendering the whole thing a little pointless. admittedly it's also boring to read about someone working a retail job, but there would have been an opportunity there to give the reader a little breathing room post-christian-meeting and maybe showcase some of what constitutes normalcy for ana, in order to provide more of a contrast between her in her element and her out of it with christian. as it stands it felt very like, "it's not related to the main pairing or interesting so i'm going to cut it in favor of more dialogue about The Boy with kate," at which point i feel like it would have worked better to simply not bring it up in the first place.

it's also worth mentioning that dialogue and interaction with kate is circumscribed in this way, where the moment the conversation loses focus on christian it's sort of relegated to narration, as is ana's trying to do her homework. so really none of this has served any purpose in my eyes.

in general i'm feeling like there's definitely some sort of attempt by e.l. james to provide the contrast i've mentioned and establish some grounding details concerning the mundane elements of ana's life, but it doesn't work well for a number of reasons; the details included feel largely superficial because they're provided in the form of internal narration or timeskip type disclosures rather than actually shown to the reader in a way that matters. i think it's likely that james considered all of these details peripheral at best, if not actively obstacles in the way of The Good Stuff (i.e. discussions of christian or interaction with christian) as opposed to material that would serve to support her aim with the main romance. ana is supposed to be out of her element with him, which i could see, but so far i haven't really seen her behave much differently in her element, and any opportunity james had to demonstrate this to me was swiftly wasted. interesting strategy

[chaoticgremlinbrainspace]

I FORGOT TO ADD A TITLE OOPS BUT HUH basically THIS IS JUST ME BEING INSANE ABOUT DICK GRAYSON WITH ADHD AND I REALLY CHANNELED SOME SHIT WITH THIS ONE BESTIES

as the 3 people who read my insane Dick Grayson centered ramblings know Dick Grayson with adhd is a head canon I really like, especially as a person who has it and researched it further. now im wondering what kinda things would he hyperfixate on? what genre of topic wouldn't leave his mind? like fun hyperfixations not like the im doing a thing and I got sucked into it for 6 hours straight and its a work thing type of hyperfixation. LARGE BLOCK OF TEXT HERE: would he have a fixation on birds? just know a bunch of bird facts? or would it be more acrobat based? hell would he get one on the circus? or would it be more focused on the media? does he find an underground singer he becomes unwell about? buying posters and merchandise for a comic he really likes? or would they be more scientifically inclined? would he know a bunch of random “useless” human body facts? would he have exactly one book series he rereads over and over? would he be a huge math nerd and spend hours doing it? would he accidentally spiral into doing makeup and fashion? would he fixate on hair tutorials? would fixate on learning a random skill or trade like sewing? hell he could hop through any of these. his room would be full of things from previous and current fixations, the shelves covered in knickknacks, maybe he learned how to do ceramics and has his first ever shitty bowl on a table. maybe hes done none of that, maybe he just day dreams about it, maybe hes only got time for one or two hobbies and he can never get himself to do it, maybe hes always running late to events and shit maybe hes always early. maybe he wants to go and do things outside of his regular work/life routine but ends up stuck on the couch for hours, internally trying to move. maybe he gets indecisive and can do anything at all stuck at making the choice, maybe he second guesses himself. maybe he has ideas and things he could do, but he cant ever just do them and he feels horrible. maybe he feels like hes lazy after all other people dont have this problem, other people just seem to do things. maybe he doesn't share any of his likes and hobbies because hes terrified of the idea that someone would make fun of him, maybe someone has and now he doesn't share anything with them, maybe the idea of someone making fun of or just not getting it makes his chest hurt like hes being stabbed, maybe he longs to just be able to share with people, maybe he has to restrain himself from correcting people on a fact, maybe he doesn't always succeed, maybe he cringes and laughs it off as him getting too excited, maybe privately hes berating himself. maybe when he does have someone to just info dump at he lights up, and he goes and goes and goes, maybe he gets animated sweeping hand movements, making faces and noises to highlight a point, maybe after a while he’ll apologize for talking for so long, maybe he’ll get such a rush of just pure happy emotions afterwards that it feels like too much to contain in his body, maybe hes embarrassed of stimming in front of other people, maybe he only does it at home by himself, maybe he doesn't even know what hes doing hes just been told off in the past, maybe when hes happy or gets a burst of random energy he feels like crooning, or making different animal like noises, maybe hes done it before in front of other people by accident, maybe hes gotten yelled at for talking too much, maybe he has too wait until he knows people better before he can start being weird, maybe he masks around people, maybe he uses humor as a shield, maybe hes never been diagnosed, maybe he just thought everyone was like this, maybe he struggled with a school topic more than his peers, maybe he was too smart and if he just applied himself he would get it, he didn't need help, maybe he spent hours pouring over a homework, frustration building into a full on breakdown, why cant he just get it like other kids do? maybe his emotions just get to be too much, he feels like an overfilled cup, maybe he lashes out, and when that doesn't work when things get worse he internalizes, maybe he has to check and double check things are there, maybe he loses small things like his keys, maybe he’s lost his wallet multiple times, maybe he spends days without his phone because it was under a book, maybe sometimes he just cant and everything is too much, maybe he feels like if hes not doing anything than hes failing everyone, maybe some days it feels like everyone hates him, maybe on those days he feels like snapping breaking apart and just screaming, maybe some days some minor inconvenience makes him snap ripping into whoever is near him, maybe he spends hours stewing in self hatred and guilt until he works up the nerve to apologize, maybe he works on cases/his day job to avoid things, maybe he’s shit at deadlines and does everything towards the end, maybe he finds ways to just sneak in his current fixation into the conversation, maybe he feels bone dead tired but his mind is too busy to sleep, maybe he suffers from horrible nightmares and just sits in the tub with the lights on.   BLOCK OF TEXT ENDS HERE anyway uh I think hes silly goofy. like ive found my favorite brand of adhd I like to give Dick Grayson because there are 3 main types of adhd that people fall under do note that everyones symptoms present differently and lots of people experience a wide variety of symptoms in a variety of ways, there is the inattentive type which has a tendency to fly under the diagnostic radar, hyperactive which is what people usually think of when it comes to adhd, and the combined type which is like a remix of both. I personally tend to give dick hyperactive, mostly due to most likely having this type myself lol. that and I feel like he would have undiagnosed adult adhd. I say this because I know bruce is rich but when he first got dick he was like 20 or smth and he probably has no fucking clue at what's considered normal child vs thats a mental disorder. Partly because he’s not exactly a “normal” guy himself and the fact that despite it all they personally just think dick is like that and that he needs to apply himself more or smth. adhd is somewhat new in the sense its not just hyperactive white boys getting diagnosed so information around it is heavily skewed one way die to a lack of long term data collected from a variety of groups(like autism). like bruce and Alfred dont know what they dont know, and they have no fucking clue dick has adhd. and dont worlds greatest detective me hes still just a guy, and people make mistakes or refuse to believe things. like I feel like im explaining this wrong. so basically bruce has a warped sense of what is considered normal in children due to his backstory tm and the way he grew up, and dick is a young child riddled with adhd and ptsd from his parents dying in front of him. and dick has just always been the way he has been so he only knows something is “wrong” with him when he struggles to fit into school. bruce being a sudden first time parent thing to this kid, only really has Alfred as back up and no offense Alfred you are old. so shit like adhd isn't even really considered/known about. AND SO basically what im getting at here is dick had a hard time he has no idea why he does shit and if other people do it, so he just spends a lot of time compensating for things and feeling like “damn why cant I do that? it seems super easy for other people? am I just broken in some way?” and like bruce and Alfred tried again they didn't know what they didn't know. dick would probably eventually have something/someone that makes him realize “oh shit I have have adhd? what?” and then boom he has an explanation for why he is the way he is. its messy and I cant quite get it out with the right words but yeah thats why I tend to give dick undiagnosed adult adhd. my adhd was diagnosed as a kid, but like it wasn't really treated in any meaningful way it was more like “cool fact about me tee hee” so I try to pull from that a bit.

[inspectorlyfra]

i hate being disabled! i hate being disabled. i get out of breath if i talk too loud or for too long. i can’t go up the stairs without being ready to collapse once i finally get to my room. i can’t make myself food and then eat it- i can only do one or the other. sometimes i can’t hold my head up when i’m sitting. i sleep in every day and still need to take naps. my emotions physically exhaust me. i have a cane for my chronic pain, but leaning on it to not fuck up my knee makes my arms shaky or fucks with my injured shoulder.

every single day, every little fucking task is a fight against my own body. and nobody can see that. nobody can see how much effort it takes to stand in line for something. nobody can see how exhausted i am constantly, and how im pushing anyways. nobody understands when i lose that fight with my body and im stuck on the couch all day. nobody understands when i sleep for 14 hours straight. nobody fucking understands that just being awake can be torture.

so i keep pushing anyway, because i have learned to do things that need to be done, no matter the cost. it used to be crying through homework, or doing the chores by a certain time and then napping because i worked through a migraine. now it’s hobbling into the kitchen to microwave pasta and then not being able to get back up to get it once it’s done. it’s dragging my suitcase upstairs to unpack all my things, because nobody else will do it, and then not being able to speak more than a sentence all day. it’s throwing myself into the online world and writing and reading and watching videos constantly, because those are the only things that make any of this feel worth it.

[agirldying]

digesting early childhood trauma pt. 4

in this chapter i'm gonna touch on having to go to physical and speech therapy in school.

i remember being in speech therapy basically throughout my entire childhood with different speech therapists that were a part of the school. i'm pretty sure the first speech therapist i ever had was in 4th grade or so and i would be in a room with two or three other kids and she would help us enunciate. i actually didn't even know why i was there because i thought my speech was fine but a classmate told me i muttered everything i said (by this i mean not using my vocal cords to speak, just speaking very gravely and grumbly), which turned out to be a real thing that i just never realized i did.

i think around this time i also was being seen by a physical therapist as well, who would call me out of class and we would go to the, not even the gym but the fucking gym's storage room and she would make me do exercises and stretches that were extremely painful. i didn't know this at the time but i was later told i was knock-kneed, flat-footed, i had and still have a hunch, and i struggle to hold myself in a way everyone else does, basically. i have always struggled with my posture and the best way i can describe it is like, imagine pushing your stomach out as if you were pretending to be pregnant and if you look at yourself from the side, your lower back curves? that's just always how i held myself and that's just comfortable for me. but couple that with my hunch (which at this point it's almost as if my shoulders are stuck forwards) and the issues with my legs and walking, i looked extremely conspicuous.

my physical therapist would warn me that the bones beneath my legs were "rotating outwards" and that the exercises we'd do would help keep them in place. she also explained that my muscles were "underdeveloped" especially in my hamstrings (legs). basically what this meant for me (i say this in past tense like i'm any more flexible) is that, for example, i cannot touch my toes without pain so severe that my toes tingle and go numb. i am the absolute opposite of flexible, i cannot do a butterfly sit (sitting with your soles touching and knees pointed out) because my knees cannot touch the ground without severe pain, and im just really unfit in general. with my physical therapist i learned how to walk properly, which meant that she would walk beside me around the empty halls while everyone was in their classrooms and she would make me say "heel toe heel toe" and walk accordingly. we did other exercises too like superman (lying on your stomach and raising your arms and legs above you without touching the ground) which is absolute fucking torture for me because my body is literally unable to do that.

because my body has so many limits i was easily frustrated by the exercises she made me do and by consequence i resented her because she made me do the most painful and challenging things that i wasn't even fully like emotionally ready to endure. i don't think she understood or cared about just the sheer amount of pain those exercises gave me. so of course when she gave me homework i never did it and have honestly just given up on pushing my body at all and i am at this point, what do they call it, sedentary - i have spent the majority of my life lying in bed. i can't say i've ever experienced endorphins from working out, it's only ever been painful for me so i really have no motivation to do something that will only cause me more pain, you know?

by middle school we would all sit in the bleachers before class and she would stand in the corridor and stare at me to come with her but i would ignore her or try and hide my face so she wouldn't come get me. i think by the time i graduated middle school she stopped seeing me.

but in middle school i had yet another speech therapist who, if i'm not mistaken, took place instead of recess. i was there with 3 or 4 other kids but the room was extremely tiny. one of these kids was actually a girl who used to bully me named courtney which i should honestly talk about at some point but i think because we both realized we were stuck there and her and i seemed to be the only self-aware students in the room, her and i actually would crack jokes together and make fun of things together in that class, much to the disappointment and scorn of the teacher.

i remember it was in this class where i asked the speech therapist what i was doing in this class. i think i felt particularly motivated to ask this question because this was a class where the other students would incorrectly answer the most basic questions (we were given a packet of extremely simple questions in multiple choice, the first was what color is the sky, not everyone chose blue). the therapist said that i had trouble listening, which i will admit i definitely struggle with that today, but i was just like, if listening is my problem then how is speech therapy going to help? what about this class is helping me listen better when all we're doing is answering multiple choice questions in packets and answering basic cognitive evaluations on the computer? never really understood that.

overall i just felt as if the school had seen my autism diagnosis and thrown me in with just everyone else with some kind of disability and expected that to be what i needed and not at all infantilizing. i felt like they really lacked the awareness of the fact that people with different disabilities need help in different areas, and just throwing everyone into something like speech therapy where i'm in a room with people who have much greater struggles than me is not going to help me feel cared for.

i would go on but this post is already long as fuck so imma leave it here for now. but if you read this far, you are an angel, ty for reading to the end <3

[garfieldsladybird]

Hi buddy!

I'm doing this like multiple times a week now. Just popping in to check on my buddies and see how we're all doing. I know things are crazy right now- the queen died, there's a glacier hanging on by a thread, there's a state of emergency regarding polio- life is crazy.

I'm here to remind you to not get caught up in the news and social media if you tend to freak out over things and to just be patient with yourself. Everything's kind of crazy but, and I can't believe I'm saying this, there's always something good happening out there in the world.

I know, shocking.

But enough of that, today I'm here, asking questions!! Get ready.

What's your favorite color? Gimme like top three.

If you were stuck on a deserted island, what would be your top three books you're bringing with.

What do you want to do as a profession/what is your profession? Tell me what you're passionate about.

Just me being nosy, I wanna learn more about my buddies and make you all smile.

-Liz :)

I’m really sorry I did not get to this. but I am now :)))

okay 1. The queen did die. she’s now dead. and Charles is now king :(. and the glacier that is hanging on by a thread, I read about I made a presentation paragraph about that at school, next I don’t know what that last one means.

thank you so much for saying that because like that means a lot. 💗💗💗 there are lots of things happening out there in the world and me personally I don’t like looking at the news because it’s so real that it scares me because I like staying in my room and being in my perfect little box and not going out into the real world but then once you go out there it gets so real that it’s scary. but then going with ‘there’s always something good happening out there in the world’ there is so much good out there happening!!

going with the world; I heard that the trash in the ocean is getting cleaned like A lot of it is getting cleaned out and thats just honestly amazing!!!

now going with what’s the good going on in my world; ngl school, it’s literally so amazing because I have friends that actually care about me and I’m being included in a bunch of shit now and it’s honestly amazing and I can’t wait for everything else that’s going to happen this year!!! and it’s also the friends that I have here and my other online friends that I’ve made from this app to but just everyone that is in my life right now is bringing me happiness!! 

my favorite color is pink and green and purple and I’m gonna dye my hair purple soon for Halloween!!! give me your top three??

my top three books I’m bringing to a deserted island..? okay well i’m definitely bringing 

what am I passionate about? i’ve been thinking about getting into some thing with film, like being a cameraman. but recently I’ve been noticing that I like discovering the ways of humans; meaning I kind of want to go into psychology. what I’ve been noticing is like just certain things that I realize from myself but I also kind of want to like understand behavioral ways, ‘why someone is like this?’ in a way. okay so i’ve been watching this one YouTuber for a while boze versus the world, she makes true crime videos, and she tells us (watchers) why someone is like this or why they are doing this or she would point out that that is manipulation or gaslighting. but the thing is she understands why they are like this, i’m pretty sure she did some kind of like study about the brain, its just idk. but whatever she did learn, I want to learn it.

i’m pretty sure I kind of know what you are passionate about but I also don’t. I remember you telling me that you were in nursing school…. i’m pretty sure it was something related to nursing. I want to know why?

I love these messages and these questions and I really want to get to know you too and im really sorry I did not get to this message in a very long time. i’ve been blaming everything on me being busy and i have been busy; with school, this play im doing for school, also homework and then me also wanting time alone to myself. but I am sorry, I love you, you’re amazing for sending this, its very sweet!!

I don’t know tho. I feel like i lost my mojo. I haven’t written anything in a very long time and I really just want to write something that’s like brand new but I have all of these drafts and I have all of the wips but i dont know. and I have no ideas.

but I’m doing great!! I hope you are doing great/good too, make sure to drink water, eat, get the right amount of sleep and make sure your sleep schedule is where its supposed to be 'cause u don’t want that to be fucked up. have good days and live your life the way you want to live it!! 

[1-ore]

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[cosmicrecluse]

Lmao my roommate can choke