I WANT THIS LIKE A CIGARETTE CAN WE DRAG IT OUT AND NEVER QUITTT
AND OHHH MY GOD YOU WERE HEAVEN SENT WITH YOUR DIRTY MIND, YEAH YOU'RE PERVERTED‼️‼️‼️
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probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.
we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."
at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.
the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.
the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.
what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.
here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.
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don't stress about that opportunity that fell through or that friend you lost or that thing you really want to happen but isn't. as long as you keep your chin up and try try try again, better things will replace your losses. i'm looking at my life rn and actually marveling at how every single thing i stressed about, whether it be an opportunity or a person, got supplanted w another thing that is so much better. it really is true that loss makes space for better things. these days i don't get sad when something doesn't work out. i get excited that i'm now open to so many other possibilities out there, so long as i actively seek them. you never lack. you just transition.
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*at a grant nash BBQ*
buck: *staring off into space*
eddie: he's about to say something really funny or absolutely horrifying
tommy: what?
hen: just wait
buck: did you know these two orcas trained other orcas to kill sharks by taking out their liver and testicles?
eddie: yep horrifying
tommy: wait, really?
buck: yup, off the coast of africa there's these two orcas called port and starboard and they hunt sharks to eat their liver and testicles, they tag team them, one goes for their fins while the other takes out the liver, so far they've taken down five great whites, they even killed khaleesi, who was being tracked and traced for research purposes
tommy: oh my god really?
hen: *looks at tommy and smiles*
eddie: *whispers to hen* he's perfect for him
hen: *whispers back* i know!
buck: yeah! port and starboard have even started teaching other orcas to do the same! so far port and starboards record of how many sharks killed in a day is seventeen!
tommy: oh my god, that's insane baby, what else have port and starboard done?
buck: well they also hunt copper sharks and some fish, they even chased the great whites away from africa for seven weeks! but this isn't even the first time orcas have done something like this, in the early 1900's there was this orca called old tom who would help whalers hunt baleen whales, he even tugged the boats into the right position to get the whales, this happened in the port of eden new south whales in australia, you can actually go and see old tom's skeleton in eden killer whale meuseum, and on his teeth you can see marks from where he would pull the roaps! and old tom even has missing teeth because the whalers had this thing called "law of tounge" where they would strap the dead whales down so old tom and his pod could eat the lips and tongues, on the night where he lost his teeth logan, one of the davidson whaler friends tried to bring the whale in instead of pinning it down for old tom to eat, and old tom was pissed and tried to stop him, and he lost teeth, old tom died from starvation, when old tom died they thought he was 35, but the davidson family swore old tom helped three generations of their family with whaling, old tom was actually in his 90's when he died, they called old toms pod the killers of eden which-
tommy: would make an amazing true crime shark podcast name
buck:
eddie:
tommy:
hen:
buck: *tears up* you get me
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A thought I’ve been having: While it's important to recognize the long history of many current queer identities (and the even longer history of people who lived outside of the straight, cis, allo “norm”) I think it's also important to remember that a label or identity doesn't have to be old to be, for lack of a better word, real.
This post that i reblogged a little while ago about asexuality and its history in the LGBTQ+ rights movement and before is really good and really important. As i've thought about it more, though, it makes me wonder why we need to prove that our labels have "always existed." In the case of asexuality, that post is pushing back against exclusionists who say that asexuality was “made up on the internet” and is therefore invalid. The post proves that untrue, which is important, because it takes away a tool for exclusionists.
But aromanticism, a label & community with a lot of overlap & solidarity with asexuality, was not a label that existed during Stonewall and the subsequent movement. It was coined a couple decades ago, on internet forums. While the phrasing is dismissive, it would be technically accurate to say that it was “made up on the internet.” To be very clear, I’m not agreeing with the exclusionists here—I’m aromantic myself. What I’m asking is, why does being a relatively recently coined label make it any less real or valid for people to identify with?
I think this emphasis on historical precedent is what leads to some of the attempts to label historical figures with modern terminology. If we can say someone who lived 100 or 1000 years ago was gay, or nonbinary, or asexual, or whatever, then that grants the identity legitimacy. but that's not the terminology they would have used then, and we have no way of knowing how, or if, any historical person's experiences would fit into modern terminology.
There's an element of "the map is not the territory" here, you know? Like this really good post says, labels are social technologies. There's a tendency in the modern Western queer community to act like in the last few decades the "truth" about how genders and orientations work has become more widespread and accepted. But that leaves out all the cultures, both historical and modern, that use a model of gender and sexuality that doesn't map neatly to LGBTQ+ identities but is nonetheless far more nuanced than "there are two genders, man and woman, and everyone is allo and straight." Those systems aren’t any more or less “true” than the system of gay/bi/pan/etc and straight, cis and trans, aro/ace and allo.
I guess what I’m saying is, and please bear with me here, “gay” people have not always existed. “Nonbinary” people have not always existed. “Asexual” people have not always existed. But people who fell in love with and had sex with others of the same gender have always existed. People who would not have identified themselves as either men or women have always existed. People who didn’t prioritize sex (and/or romance) as important parts of their lives have always existed. In the grand scheme of human existence, all our labels are new, and that’s okay. In another hundred or thousand years we’ll have completely different ways of thinking about gender and sexuality, and that’ll be okay too. Our labels can still be meaningful to us and our experiences right now, and that makes them real and important no matter how new they are.
We have a history, and we should not let it be erased. But we don’t need a history for our experiences and ways of describing ourselves to be real, right now.
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