#this is something I wouldn't even bring up to my therapist because it just feels weird too for me

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[the-mighty-nappa]

random personal ramblings below. continue at your own risk

I'm starting to realize why I haven't been able to be horny with my partners outside of the occasional teasing and joking for the past while and I have no fucking idea how to deal with it lmao..... ugh. tl;dr summary is that the more I unearth all the shit I buried before I transitioned the more I realize that what I thought was my main kink is turning out to be uuuuuugh something of a core that I can't function without. now both of my partners are into only specific aspects of it and my main one has started wearing padding when I request it if she wants to cum but like. i'm not okay with having it piecemeal, especially with my main partner (the one I would like to marry in the future) who is into exactly 1% of it and nothing else. It's also been the cause of depression starting again but I just do not know how to bring this entire topic up with her. I'm losing it and the lack of intimacy from all this has been making me feel like we're starting to drift apart, among other things.

[feninina]

𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐭𝐞 ༉‧₊˚.⁀➷

therapist! jonathan crane x female reader.

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: when your father decided that you needed therapy, taking you to his dear friend dr. crane to treat and help you, you thought it wouldn't work at all, but it turned out to be everything you needed.

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: SMUT(minors dni!!), noncon/dubcon, depression, cursing, crane is a mysoginistic prick, using therapy for unhinged reasons, smut, hair pulling, jonathan just being an creep, choking AND strangulation, dacryphilia, hitting, unprotected sex (safe sex its great sex!!), breeding kink, forced breeding, power dynamics, i think crane should be a warning himself, reader being borderline stupid and naive. also this has a lot of backstory i’m so sorry i got carried away lol.

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 7.1K

𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿’𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲: omg my first fic on here!! this is also my first work on english and my first smut ever so i apologise in advance for any mistake!! i hope y'all enjoy it anyways ahahahaha live laugh love jonathan crane👏🏻 feedback its very appreciated so i can improve and continue to publish better works, anyways enjoyyyy 💓

𝘀𝗺𝘂𝘁 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝘂𝘁

It was awkward, to say the least.

You were sitting across from Doctor Crane in the couch at your dad's house, legs crossed as you watched him write on his clipboard, something about it making you feel anxious, a little nauseous, even.

This wasn't your first session, you started doing this four months ago, not long after your divorce that caused you to fall into a spiral of sadness and misery. Your failed— and short marriage was the main reason you started taking therapy with your dad's friend, the chief of Arkham, Jonathan Crane, and still, you couldn't bring yourself to talk about it.

He was patient, you told him several times that he was a saint. Regardless, before you started with the sessions, he explained to your dad that he didn't really do this; therapy really wasn't his strong suit, but for a friend, a desperate one, he would gladly do it.

Your dad came to him, offering a big stack of money if he would talk to his little girl, make her recover her once joyful personality, like you had one to begin with. Jonathan really couldn't say no, and not really because of the money, he had other reasons in mind, unethical reasons.

And there you were now. You were quick to open up to him, eager to talk, to be listened and he, on the other hand, was ready to listen, to give you advice, console you and help you get through the sorrow that was following you since you were young, playing the role of your knight in shinning armor.

"I can't believe you don't actually do this" you said once, sniffling your nose with a handkerchief he gave you as he examined you with a warm gaze, an empathetic grin on his face. "You're really helping me"

Jonathan was quick to wave his hand and tell you that it wasn't a big deal, that he was just doing his job, and if you weren't so innocent, so stupid, you would have noticed the mischievous sparkle that flickered in his eyes for a split second.

You were landing right in the palm of his hand.

Not even thirty minutes into the first session you told him everything about your past; every little thing you thought he needed to know to treat you. And you were slightly right; he did need to know those things, but not to treat you, just to manipulate you and mold your little brain into what he was envisioning for you and your future together.

Truth was, you hated everything about your life, regardless of the fact that you had everything. That's what you've been told since you were a child; a big house, a lot of money, maids taking care of you so you wouldn't have to move a finger and just sit pretty and relax inside the walls of the huge mansion that confined you since you could recall.

You have everything. That was bullshit.

Sometimes, you couldn't help but think that people told you that out of pity, like they knew how miserable you felt, but not daring to say a word about it. Your dad was a powerful man, and you were aware of that, ever since you were born, he had bussines with Falcone and you knew that people feared him, he practically ruled Gotham, that lifeless and dangerous city that you had to live in.

You have everything. You were tired of that sentence. You didn't care at all about these nice things surrounding you, those dresses in your closet, those diamonds in your jeweler, that fancy car you owned since your eighteenth birthday, no, that was useless in your eyes, because all you really wanted, was love.

It was a lonely life; you learned how to do everything by yourself, how to comb your hair, how to deal with your period when it first came, how to dress up properly and do your makeup. You didn't even had to learn about boy problems because there weren't any boys in your life, you were homeschooled. So you were quiet, not really having to talk at all, there was nobody to talk to.

And since Jonathan was the only person you were talking to at the moment, you started to feel like you loved him, the idea sitting right with you without you even knowing it, thinking that this was how therapy normally went.

Loneliness striked your life at a young age; your mother died from a strange disease when you were eight, leaving you with a shattered heart thad bled everytime you walked past her bedroom, or saw a picture of her. You practically watched her die, a witness of how she lost her strength, how her once beautiful skin turned pale and yellow, and lost every little spark within herself, and the worst part was that all the money you had, couldn't even help her.

It was a deep wound that you carried with yourself, with nobody to talk about it.

Your father spent his days locked up in his office, and when he wasn't there, he was out in the city doing unthinkable things that you didn't even wanted to know about, leaving you on your own, having to fill all of those silent and empty rooms by yourself, with nobody to laugh with, nobody to hold you and see you grow. He wasn't really around, working all the time, too busy to know that his daughter didn't seem to care about all the expensive stuff he bought for her, not even taking the time to have dinner with you or hold a simple conversation. He loved you, you knew that, he just wasn't the type to show his affection with words or actions, but with gifts. And you hated everything about it.

But now, Jonathan was there, making you feel listened, finally saving you from falling into loneliness again. Your whole life, you thought you had a horrible sickness, that you were doomed to this awful destiny of sorrow and silence, but now, with his sweet words and good company, you couldn't be more than relieved.

You wished sometimes that you met him earlier, that this whole therapy stuff started before, and you even confessed it to him. And it irked him a little, that you didn't even remember how you two really met each other, hiding his annoyance with a warm smile.

Some months ago, your father started to brought you to parties he attended, parties were all the corrupts scumbags from Gotham reunited and celebrated how they were dragging the city to the gates of hell on their benefit, and you couldn't be more happy to attend them. You knew he was bringing you because he recently broke up with the young girl he carried with him— that was most likely your age, and needed a pretty thing to hang of his arm and take care of the people he didn't feel like talking to.

So you accepted this new life, eating up this role of socialite like it was made for you.

It was a chance to know people, to speak and make new friends, but you learned quickly that those people weren't there for that, and picked up on how mostly of the people who talked to you just wanted to climb up the social ladder and gain some extra points from your father.

He, even, introduced you to a couple of people that seemed close to your age, and you chatted with them, feeling extremely anxious because you weren't used to this, so it was weird to them seeing such a pretty woman, with your status and fortune, acting so shy and quiet in a place that your dad practically owned.

After a couple of hours, you learned the agenda. All you had to do was put on a fake smile, get them off your father's shoulders and pretend you were very interested in what they had to say, hiding your uncomfortable expression behind your glass of champagne, promising them that you would arrange a reunion with your father someday.

One of those nights, your father introduced you to someone, someone who you didn't pay much attention because he seemed to be uninterested too, only being there for the sake of his job.

"Pretty girl, come here" your father said, a cheerful tone of voice as grabbed you by the shoulder to get your attention, snapping you out of your train of thoughts. "I want you to meet my friend, Doctor Crane"

You looked at the man in front of your dad, his pale blue eyes already sizing you up discretely, looking at you up and down in a way that didn't go unnoticed by you, a shiver running down your spine as his eyes finally locked with yours.

You couldn't help but feel small under his gaze, your glass now forgotten in your left hand, the right one extended to take his and stretch it for a quick second, returning to your first position, his expression remaining serious.

"Nice to meet you" he spoke, his voice sounding like velvet in your eyes, not quite sensing the undertone behind it. "Your father told me wonders about you"

You grin, the irony of that sentence making you laugh a little, what wonders could your father know about you? But you kept your composure, the conversation not going any further, and you forgot about him fast enough, when in another of those annoying parties you met the love of your life — or so you thought.

That same night, when you went back home, you were thinking about spending the rest of your life with some guy that flirted with you at the bar, and Jonathan, prayed to whatever thing listening to him up there, that crossed your path with his again.

He practically obsessed with you, because it felt right. You were young, beautiful, wealthy and had a last name that could open even more doors for him, getting tired of saving Falcone's man of going to jail; you were an opportunity, tied to a nice pair of legs.

After a few weeks of stalking, it kinda broke his heart that naive as he expected you, you got married to the guy from the party; he told you then his name was Lewis, and now you doubted it that was even true.

You were finally going to get what you always wished for, a family, love. And it was perfect. Everything was perfect.

It was a dream that you were living in. A dream that shattered in front of you no longer than three months after.

After you contracted married with this man, you took care of the house, now learning all of these housewife duties that you didn't know anything about, but making your best effort to please him, to be the perfect woman ever created, departing from your old life and habits and adjusting them to his own.

You couldn't be more happy, regardless of your bad cooking, the bad-swiped floor and the half-done bed that welcomed you both every night, you finally had love.

It lasted three months. Your wholesome real life fantasy of a marriage destroyed when you found out, accidentally, that this man was just an employee of your dad, willing to get a promotion if he married you. At that moment, you didn't know who you hated more, if the bastard, or your dad who was literally bribing the bastard to love you.

But your dad only wanted to make you happy, tho.

You were embarrassed, not quite sure of how to tell this to Jonathan, because after all, he was there for you, just for the money your dad was paying him. Your cursed the day your dad became rich, because all of it was making you miserable and it felt like it wasn't going to stop.

At this point, a feeling of despite against you was growing within Jonathan, after a few weeks treating you, he quickly remembered why he didn’t chose this path of career, but remembering that he was there because of a major reason; a reason more important than your helpless cries for attention.

He was sick of you, all you ever did was complain in the commodity of your million dollar house, unaware that there were more important problems in the world. It isn’t completely your fault, Jonathan thought one day, you were just an ungrateful brat, and his work was to tame you, and he planned to do just that today.

"So," he startled you, narrowing his eyebrows, an expression in his face that you could only understand as concern. "remember, if you don't speak, I can't help you".

You chuckle and shift your weight in the chair, immediately feeling your eyes fill up with tears as you confronted the fact that you had to speak about it, right now. He was quick to offer you his handkerchief, as he always did and with shaky hands you took it, sniffling onto it, closing your eyes as you felt your whole body shake with each one of your cries.

You felt Jonathan put his hand on your knee, softy caressing the skin that his thumb could reach, opening your eyes and looking at his, Jonathan welcoming you with a pitying look. You put the tissue aside, both him being so close and his scent impregnated on the piece of fabric making you feel a little giddy, a little confused.

Why was your heart racing so much? He was your therapist, here to talk about your former husband.

Jonathan couldn't help but grin a little, knowing he was maybe breaking a rule here, touching you like this, being so close. He couldn't care less, after all, he wasn't here listening to you cry and bitch about your whole life for the sake of your well-being. He was here because he wanted you to break and get on your knees to him. Figuratively and literally.

"It's so embarrassing" you struggled to spit out "He didn't even love me, Doctor"

He hummed, dragging his chair so he was a little closer to you, you looked at him through your teary lashes and tried to keep it together, this wasn't the first time you cried in front of him, but the reason itself was enough to make you feel full of shame.

He didn't say anything, this being a motivation for you to continue.

"My dad was paying him" you murmured, cleaning the mascara off your cheeks. "It was all a lie"

The whole situation was absurd, what happened to you still felt like a sick joke they were playing on you, your dad and Lewis, probably waiting for the perfect moment to tell you the truth.

But that wasn't going to happen, right now the only thing that felt true to you was Jonathan. He set you up to that, and you blindly fell on his silly trap.

"Poor thing" he cooed you, moving his hand a little further up your thigh, noticing the goosebumps on your skin. A mastermind, that's how he felt. "How could they?"

That was all the mendacity he fed you with since you started seeing him, making you believe he was actually empathizing with you, full of loathe against everyone who hurt you, who dared to leave you alone, but now he was there, his task being to pretend to care.

"It's pathetic" you blurted out, leaning into his touch when his prying hand went up to your cheek. You really couldn't say anything more, crying against his hand like it was something you did every monday morning. "I'm so sad. I don't know what to do"

He shook his face, your eyes meeting his with a confused expression, black stained tears dropping on your lap and wetting his hand before he returned it and looked over his clipboard, pretending to think.

You were so vulnerable, ready for him to destroy. He finally got you where he wanted. He then explained you that you were so sad that it made you unaware of a lot of things, blinded by your own pity against yourself that every door that opened, you closed. It all came down to a thing; you needed a diagnosis.

He gave you a moment to process the information, ready to continue with his plan.

"Actually," he started, his tone now more firm, more strict, the one he used when you were approaching the end of the session. On the last one, he recommended you to touch yourself, to liberate oxytocin on your brain or something you really didn't understood.

It was almost evil from his side, he knew that your only thought while doing it would he him ordering you to do so.

"I'm sorry to be the bearer of such awful news, Y/N" he stated, making your heart skip a beat. "But I think you're sick"

You nearly gasped, the air got stuck in your throat, more tears gathering in your eyes. You lifted one of your hands to your chest, a million thoughts crossing your head as Jonathan's clever eyes examined your expression.

Bingo.

"Sick" you repeated after a moment, almost like you were making peace with the revelation. "How sick?"

It was an innocent question, your tone of voice shaking as your inferior lip trembled, holding it with your teeth in an attempt to not burst into tears again, your whole body feeling like it was going to break into a million peaces by how much you were shaking in the couch.

Jonathan was quick, standing from the chair he was on and taking a seat by your side, his hand swiftly placing in your knee. You looked at him confused, he never got this close, maybe your sickness was serious.

"What am I, Doctor?" you whispered, your eyes showing him a hint of fear that made him finally lose all his faked professionalism. "Depressed? Crazy?"

Both of you were dying of anticipation now; meanwhile you feared that you were going to get admitted to Arkham, Jonathan was seeing the golden ticket to the best future he could ever achieve, and all thanks to you.

"Oh, no, no" he purred, his hand making its way up to your thigh. "You're sick, not crazy"

You parted your lips as his hand moved more further, not really sure of what was happening, not daring to stop him, too scared of your mental health to think about anything else, not helping the way your legs started to part too.

A sudden gasp left your lips as his hand squeezed your tight, a smile you never saw on him appearing on his face. The crying stopped a moment ago, the surprise of having him so close making you go a little numb.

"I know what a girl like you needs" he said, almost sternly, like his hand wasn't centimeters away from your panties.

Was in that moment, that you knew this wasn’t about therapy anymore.

"You think so?" you whispered, your voice still shaky, but now for a whole different reason. "And what is it, Doctor?"

"To be fucked stupid"

It almost shocked you how he said that as it was a normal diagnosis, like he gave you a name of a medicine you could go and buy at any drugstore in town. You gulped and didn't move when his grip tightened on your leg, your face growing red.

A loud gasp escaped your lips when at your lack of response, Jonathan grabbed you hard by the jaw and forced you to look at him. Your eyes glistened with nothing but fear, your brows narrowing as you mumbled something that he really couldn't understand, and it wasn't like he wanted to.

"You're sick, Y/N" he repeated, more harshly this time, his hand moving your head as he spoke. "And I'm going to cure you"

He let go of your face to clasp his lips against yours, a kiss very far away from sweet, his mouth moving roughly against yours. You never had been kissed like this, so you tried to play it along, trying to show him some of the love you felt for him, that you thought you owed him.

But he didn't care if you felt loved during the kiss, trying to assert the dominance he held upon you, his hand now holding firmly the back of you neck to prevent you from pulling away.

It was a mess; your teeth clashed, drool was dripping from your chin as his tongue explored every space of your mouth, not leaving anywhere of it untouched. Your movements were a little stiff, unsure of what to do, trying to provide the sweetness that he lacked.

His hand moved to your the front of your neck and squeezed it a little, making you yelp in surprise, the sound muffled by his mouth. You tried to get away from the kiss, confused about his rough actions against you, a little scared of him even, almost like you didn’t trust him every little part of your brain in this same couch for the last couple of months.

But then it clicked on your foggy brain, he knew you, perfectly— you only knew his name, you didn’t know what this man was capable of.

You could only move a few centimeters away from his hungry mouth, your lips parted as tears welled in your eyes from the pressure he was applying to your neck.

“Stop” you managed to stutter, your breath mixing with his. “I can’t- breathe”

You doubted that he listened to you, your voice not coming out of your throat at all and getting stuck in your larynx, your voice-box completely muffled by his strong grip.

“Shut up, brat” he spitted, his tone sounding full of abhor, your eyes wide open as you felt the air leaving your body and your lungs starting to burn. “Always getting what you want”

You weakly placed one of your hands around his wrist, another attempt of gasp elicited from your agape mouth as he lifted his other hand and choked you with both, something in your dizzy mind telling you that he was possessed.

“Crying all the time- complaining” he continued, not caring if you were listening, the suffocation being to much to bare now. “So selfish”

And maybe he was.

Your brain was filled with fear, wondering how it all went from a kiss to this— almost getting killed by your therapist in your couch. You opened your eyes to meet his, feeling like your chest was on fire as there wasn’t any air flowing in, seeing how the blue of Jonathan’s eyes has darkened and his lips were parted as well, the muscles of his jaw twitching as he choked you to death.

Your eyebrows narrowed together in terror as you noticed that familiar tingly sensation in your lower belly and your thighs clenching together. Maybe it was something about him exercising this power over you, how you felt so feeble under his touch, that was probably leaving bruises on your neck for you to carry and show around what he was making you do it.

You didn’t have enough time to think about it, you were practically dying.

“And you are enjoying this?” he said with an amused tone, probably noticing how your thighs fragily contracted against one another.

You felt yourself slowly lose your consciousness when finally the relief came and the air started to flow again to your desperate lungs, taking long and loud puffs of air when his hand let go of your neck. Your erratic breath was interrupted by a loud moan that escaped you when Crane yanked you by your hair and shoved you to the floor.

He was quick yo position you between his legs, looking at you through his unfixed glasses, giving you a twisted smile that made you quiver in fear, that growing wet patch on your panties making you feel like a really sick girl.

“Doctor-” you mumbled, closing your eyes as he pulled your hair, withdrawing a mewl off your mouth. “Hurts”

“You talk when I tell you to talk” he snickered, adjusting the way his fingers gripped your hair. You thought that he might just pull out the strand he was tugging. “I’m sick of your whining”

You felt more tears well up in your eyes; not sure if it was from the pain in your head or how his words felt like a knife that landed right on your heart. You were confused, sad, angry— a little hot, too.

“I pay you yo listen to me” you said, your voice so shaky you were lucky he could understand you. You wished he didn’t understand you.

Another sort of moan left your lips as a hard slap made a landing in your cheek, your face turned to the side because of the impact. You closed your eyes in disbelief, a cry coming out as you felt helpless, wondering if this was some exposure therapy he was experimenting on you.

He repeated himself, instructing you to talk only when you were told so, nodding in defeat as you accepted whatever this was and continued to play along with Jonathan’s sick fantasy of controlling you, without even knowing it.

You looked at him with nothing but inquietude, the look in his eyes giving you the foreboding that nothing good was about to happen now, frightened of what we would do to you.

He didn’t show any hints of letting go of your hair anytime soon, just holding it firmly to keep you looking at him through your heavy lashes, a wicked grin on his smug face.

“Let’s give that whining mouth of yours a good use” he said, and you gulped, understanding what he wanted and quivering in fear, not really understanding why the sticky sensation between your legs grew.

“Undo my pants” he commanded, and you stayed still, your eyes not leaving his even when another slap landed on your tear-wet face. “Do as you’re told, brat. This might be your only cure”

You couldn’t help but sob a little, his tone sounding so definitive, so professional. Your trembling hands reached his belt and unbuckling it ungracefully, taking longer than he expected, you heard him chuckle as you unbuttoned his pants afterwards, then putting your hands back in front of your lap.

“C’mon” he pulled your hair again, causing you to moan in pain. “Don’t make me tell you what to do”

You looked at him again in nothing but shame, trying to resist to this humiliating request of his, but complying it anyways. He said he was going to cure you, but now you doubted it, right now, you only wanted this to be over.

With a last look at his eyes you returned your attention to the growing bulge in his slacks, the shame in your brain being present at all times, not quite helping the way your eyes were fixated on his clothed member. You were quick to free him out after your staring earned you a other harsh pull of hair, your lips turned into a line when his cock slapped his abdomen, causing his dress shirt to wrinkle a little.

“Go on, Y/N” he encouraged you, as you looked at him with pleading eyes, silently begging him for mercy, knowing that even if you screamed it at him, he just wouldn’t listen. “This isn’t about what you want, anymore. Is about what you need”

A tear slid from your eyes and disappeared down your cheek when his free hand placed the tip of his hard cock on your parted lips, gesturing you to take it and not waste more of his time— more than you already did.

“Open up, whore” he said under his breath, using your hair as a device to move your head and help you shove his length down your throat. You complied, the tears in your eyes now soaking in you cheeks by the effort that you were making trying to welcome his thick shaft down your mouth.

You were sure you scratched him with your teeth a few times as he bobbed your head up and down with his strong hand, manhandling you without care for his own pleasure. You placed your hands on his knees, trying not to gag, but when his tip touched the bottom of your throat, you couldn’t help it.

You cried as you felt suffocated again, now for a whole different reason, a more humiliating one, and you almost wished he killed you then. His hips buckled everytime your lips reached the base of his cock, the room filled with the sounds of your mouth and saliva coating his shaft and the soft moans that came out of his poisoned lips.

“Take it, whore” he said, his voice now husky and distorted by the pleasure, the pain that your teeth accidentally inflicted on him turning him even more. “God- you are horrible at this”

He chuckled between heavy breaths, pulling you by the hair and releasing his cock from your mouth, a vulgar pop filling both of your ears at the sudden separation of your lips and his member. Your eyes looked at the floor, feeling such a shame that the mere thought of meeting his face with your fearful face made you cringe, the pulsating pain on the back of your head making you dizzy.

“You can’t suck dick properly” he said, his tone sounding like he was making fun of you. “No wonder why your husband left you. You’re just pathetic”

You finally rose up your face to look at that insufferable smile of his, ignoring the way his cock was still hanging there in front of you, almost brushing your nose. His fingers finally untangled from your hair and giving you some sort of solace, the consolation that this traumatic session was over.

Maybe the remedy was worse than the sickness itself.

“Jonathan, stop it, plea-”

Your imploration was completely ignored, followed by another slap on your wet cheek that made you cry even more, not understanding how this man could’ve been the same one who made you felt loved and finally listened. You fell for a lie once again.

“Get on the couch” he simply said, his words were like a bucket of cold water fell on you. “Stop the bitching, don’t want to hear it”

“And I’m your doctor. Not Jonathan” he reminded you, making you feel even more ashamed.

You did as he told, again, half-standing from the floor and sitting next to him, trying to take as much space from him as you could before he grabbed you by the waist and pulled you closer, your face growing red as his face was now centimeters away from yours.

“You look so beautiful when you cry” he whispered, caressing your face but trying to nor wipe the tears away, almost like he was admiring you. It made you melt into his touch, glad that his kind demeanor was there again. Even if his words made you cringe— and the fact that his cock was still out, you felt your heart grew warmer by the way he tenderly touched you.

It didn’t last much longer, when his lips twitched into a malicious smile and went down to nibble your neck, leaving a trail of wet kisses around the bruised skin and bitting where his fingers hurt you previously, making your fingers wrap on his hair and cry for mercy, trying for him to stop hurting you this much.

“Shut up, stupid brat” he repeated that same insult, making you swallow your cries, closing your eyes in disbelief as he continued to injure your already suffering skin.

You arched your back in surprise when all of the sudden his hands reached for your breasts, groping your tits like his life depending on it, stimulating you through the fabric of your shirt, but all you felt was fear and anger, impotence flowing through your veins because you just couldn’t scream and push him away, fear was freezing you on the spot.

The worst part? You maybe didn’t wanted to push him away. Because maybe if he gets what he wants now you would be cured and he’ll be back to normal, returning you the sweet Doctor Crane that you met once, not this monster that was groping you like a piece of meat.

He clicked his tongue and dropped both of his hands to spread your legs open, forcing your back to drop onto the hand rester of the couch. You looked at him with big eyes, your heart felt like it was going to jump out of your chest and scream to Jonathan that enough was enough, you just couldn’t take any of this anymore.

But your heart stayed there, between your lungs that seemed incapable to hold any air, making your breathing erratic. So nobody screamed Jonathan to stop, and he continued with his profanation against your persona— your dignity.

He bit his lip at the sight of your fucked-up face, your legs open as it showed him the dark patch on your baby blue panties, darting his eyes from your half-exposed crotch to your teary eyes.

“God, keep crying and I might come now” he growled, lowering his face to meet your pussy, kissing it through your underwear, making you mewl, closing your eyes at the sudden attention your core was getting.

You felt embarrassed at how much you enjoyed when he moved the fabric to the side and started making out with your cunt, swallowing your fluids like a starved man.

“So wet” he mumbled against your labia, the vibration making your eyes roll back, bitting your lip to prevent any moan to come out; he was raping you, why did he make you enjoy it? “I bet you like this, to be treated like a whore”

You shook your head, more tears falling out of your eyes as you felt nothing else but humiliation, pleasure washing over your body everytime his tongue brushed your clit, your back arched against nothing.

“You like it?” he said, finally pulling out and pushing his body up so his face was in front of yours, his cock grazing against your now stimulated pussy, a gasp leaving your lips, a gasp that quickly turned into a hurting moan when his hand slapped you again, this time in your throbbing cunt. “Answer me”

“I- I do” you whispered, gripping his shoulders when you felt him align the head of his member with your whole, scared of how it was going to fit. You had trouble taking it when he face-fucked you, how the fuck it was going to fit down there?

“I’m going to fuck you so good” he whispered between pants, jerking himself off before entering you. “You’re going to forget that pathetic husband of yours”

You couldn’t help but cry, trying to push him off by the shoulders, a terrified look on your face. “It won’t fit, Doctor” you pleaded, a crooked grin on his face as you keep on calling him that. “I beg you, don’t-”

“Yes, beg me” he said, starting to push his member inside you with a slow but relentlessly pace, not giving you enough time to adjust, just to scream and hit him weakly on the chest, face and shoulders before ge grabbed your hands and pinned them down, on the sides of your body. “I’m going to cure you- do you so good”

His voice was low, as he barely could speak when he felt just how tight you were, your walls hugging his cock just the right way, his pulsating head making your mind dizzy, the stinging pain starting to be forgotten.

But when he slid out and entered back it, the hardness of his movement made your insides burn with pain, a loud cry echoing in the walls of the living room as he started to trust into your pussy with a fast pace, not caring at all if you felt good.

He snapped his hips against yours with an animalistic force, growls escaped from his mouth every time his cock was welcomed by the warmth of your stretch whole, the sensation making him go even more feral, making you cry more.

He let go of one of your hands and grabbed your jaw, forcing you to look at his eyes as he fucked you vigorously, the blue on his iris not existent anymore, only his widely dilated pupils meeting yours, your blurred vision distinguishing the depraved expression in his face.

“You- so tight” he snarled, his voice barely audible, covered by the sound of skin slapping and your loud cries. “I bet your stupid husband didn’t fuck you like this”

You felt nothing but shame as you felt his cock now sliding in and out more easily, the wetness of your cunt growing as he spoke to you like that, that familiar heat flourishing in your lower belly as his words degraded you, your cries quickly becoming moans.

“This was all you needed- fuck” he said, his spit splashing your face as he talked, his words full of disdain. “A good dick, that’s all it takes to keep bitches like you quiet” You nodded, thinking that if you agreed he would stop. How wrong you were.

In a quick movement Jonathan took his cock out and spun you around, not giving you time to get on your ass up by laying your chest down before he stabbed your hole again, pushing your skirt all the way up to see how his pelvis came into collision with your ass.

You were moaning like a bitch in heat now, sure that the maids were listening, not really caring about it anymore. Jonathan was fucking you nice and hard, your mouth wide open as his tip brushed your cervix, screaming to him to keep it right there.

“I’m close” he said, pulling your hair back to press his chest to your back, his other hand going down to play with your swollen clit, wanting your to come around his cock like the slut he knew you were. “Come with me, you whore”

“Yes” you moaned, your tongue out as his cock hit the right spots, making your hips to move against his, grinding against his hand and dick, feeling your wetness drip down to your thighs. “Yes, yes, I want to”

He laughed, approaching your ear with his tongue to bite it, leaving a long and wet kiss underneath it that made you grow hotter, your eyes closed as you let him use you; the only thought in your mind being him and his wonder-working cock.

Truth was, he was fucking you stiffly, every slam of his hips stronger than the last one, but you were so deprived of touch, so dick-starved, that even if Jonathan was fucking you like a lifeless doll, only for the sake of his pleasure, you loved it, even when it hurt you.

“I’m going to fill you up” he said against your ear, his hand leaving your clit unattended as he grabbed your hip to increase the velocity of his thrusts, ramming your hole like a demented man, making your head drop against his shoulder and scream at the ceiling, now knowing what he meant by curing you.

“Going to get you pregnant” he said, more to himself than anything “so you don’t have to bitch about being alone anymore”

You opened your eyes with terror, you didn’t want children, you were so young. The idea made you frightened, the moaning now sounding like little nos and pull outs, but Jonathan didn’t listen.

“Doctor please, please, pull out” you pleaded, reaching for his hips and trying to push him away, one of his hands slapping your ass and pulling you down by your shoulder blade so you wouldn’t fight anymore. “Doctor Crane please”

“I will fucking fill you up, Y/N” he chanted, laughing at the idea of your round belly and your swollen tits, carrying his baby all day and feeling all worked up and needy all day, only waiting for him to fuck you all day. “You won’t be alone again. You won’t be sad again”

Then you realized it.

When he came, your hot walls creamed every single drop of his cum, making his thrusts sloppy and slow, his moans filling your ears as you sobbed under his touch, feeling his seed paint your walls and load your insides with his sperm.

That was your cure.

His hot release that now flooded inside your leaking cunt, that was your so-promised antidote. He took away your solitude by giving you his and yours firstborn, a bastard baby that would give you the company that you lacked.

You felt him chuckle as he rode out his high, the chase of his own climax made you forget yours, so now there you were, your swollen cunt looking for its release while his rested among your insides calmly, like it was meant to be.

He didn’t pull out immediately, taking his time to appreciate the sight of your skirt resting in your hips all rolled up, your bruised neck and messy hair, the way your ass was exposed to him by the way he had you arching your back. All for him— for him to wreck.

He pulled out and rolled his eyes when you started crying, now being annoying instead of hot. You sat on the couch and saw him button his pants and fix his hair, hissing when you felt nothing but pain growing in your worn-out pussy. You explained through your weak voice how he ruined your life, that he was the worst person you’ve ever met and that now you had to carry the product of his sick and twisted rapist-fantasy, even tried to hit him, but your pathetic tantrum only gained you another slap in the face, and a stern look.

When he tried to stand up and leave, you grabbed him by the wrist and begged him not to, he couldn’t just leave you, not now, not ever.

“Don’t be so ungrateful” he said, a smile that made you feel nothing but trepidation in his face. “You’ll never be alone again”

You couldn’t help but feel scared. Scared of him, of what just happened, of what’s going to happen next, scared for your future son with this evil specie of a man.

When you continued to cry, and he pulled you for a hug as he assured you that he would never leave you; and how could he? He had a long life of success waiting for him now, giving a girl of your status his last name, his children. Oh, it’s going to be wonderful, he just needed to tame you and make you the perfect slave for him, and that wasn’t going to be hard.

You were sure that you’ll never be loved, but at least now Jonathan was going to be with you. You’ll never be alone again.

thanks for reading. w/love, fenina;)

taglist: @lovesickxcherries @genini @ilunapb @ostricx @devotedlyshadowytheorist

if you want to be added let me know, it’ll be my pleasure🫶🏻

[teaffrogy]

Anxiety [Astarion]

SUM. Anxiety and stress have been eating at you. Till you broke.

Fem Reader(You/Tav) X Astarion (takes place in Act 3)

A/N: I am not feeling well mentally, and I just want comfort, so I am giving myself some sort of comfort. I am struggling with anxiety and depression. I am seeing a therapist, but my life is making me want to quit.

Tw(?): Talks a lot about Anxiety and stress

You haven't slept.

It's been two days since you haven't been able to sleep properly. You'd stir in your bedroll or just look outside of the flaps of your tent. What was keeping you awake? Anxiety.

Anxiety of going Back Home, getting this weird tadpole out of you, having to find find the two neteratones who two powerful people have, help Karlach with her engine and worry about what happens next for her, and so so but so much more from everyone else in the camp. Your stomach was killing you. You'd even throw up at random because of the stupid fucking Anxiety that was eating at you. Every encounter leads to new situations that cause even more anxiety.

And some of your companions Have noticed you not leaving your tent for two days. One is because you fall asleep and wake up super Late, the other is because you don't want to go out. You haven't been leaving because you don't want to encounter more situations And the current ones, you are avoiding everything, everyone. And it makes you feel even more worse about yourself than ever because of how much you've been avoiding it.

Astarion would come in to Ask if you are alright but you just said yes. He even asks you to go on a night walk with him since he saw you not sleep at night. But you kindly refused saying he needs to rest too. He would say you two could simply stay. in your tent and he Can just read. But you said no. Shadowheart would come to your tent to ask if you are alright, you'd say you're fine, just tired, but she knew something was wrong and it was bugging her. Gale too, he'd ask or even bring you your favorite meal he made but you wouldn't even touch it. If you did eat You'd just end up throwing it up.

“Do you think she is pregnant?” Karlach asks. “You think so? She's been throwing up.” Shadowheart says. “She is not pregnant!” Gale yells. “And how would you know?” Astarion asks, and Gale says nothing. “Well, I don't think it's because of her being pregnant, I think she'd know if she is. Plus, she seems down.” Wyll says as he looks at your tent, which you haven't left again. Halsin looks at your tent and sees you turn on a candle. You move around, and half your body is out of the tent, but go back inside and turn the candle off. Halsin sighs and looks at everyone. “She is avoiding something or someone.” He says.

Someone? But who?

And they started to point fingers at who. First, it was Astarion(of course) they had thought that their relationship had ended which caused you to lock yourself Away, but it hasn't, it is a good relationship. Then it was Gale. Maybe she was scared he'd blow up! But it was false. You two had talked privately about this. Then it was Wyll. Maybe she was scared of Misora? But no, you had told him you wanted to fight her. Then Karlach, again, burns and blows up. But again, you had ressured Her that you trusted her. Then Shadowheart, her beliefs in Shar maybe were too much for you. Again, you told her as well that it didn't matter to you at all. Halsin…there wasn't really anything wrong. No one had nothing to say about him.

So what was it?

Laezel? But she said that you two were good, that for them to assume something like that was idiotic.

And They gave up. It was either because you hated someone and they didn't know why or you were pregnant. Which are two bad options, but what else?

You couldn't sleep again.

Everyone was in their tents, asleep. You were culled up into a ball as you thought of everything that simply kept coming, and your stomach was killing you again. You wanted to throw up, but at the same time, you didn't. You didn't want to throw up what you had eaten. Gale had made your favorite food. It would be sad if you just threw it up.

And the thoughts are quiet now. They just stopped. You breathed carefully and heard footsteps. It's Astarion. He probably came back from a haunt. You smiled at the thought of him, but the thoughts came back.

What would he think of me now? Does He think I'm disgusting? God, what if he just wants to end things? Does he love me? What am I doing wrong?

It was getting hard to breathe. Your eyes would move from one place to another in seconds and you sat up. Your vision starts to blur as you try to look around. You try to speak but you just make a weird sound like a cry. You cover your mouth and just cry. You hugged the pillow again and covered your face in it as you cried. You could Feel your pillow Start to get soaked as your tears would hit it.

And the flaps to your tent Open. You look up and see Astarion. “Darling?” He calls. You were a mess. Your whole tent was really. He looks at you, hugging your pillow as you try to muffle up the sobs and cries. He sits next to you, not really knowing what to do. He was never really comforted before. Only by you after Cazedor Died. He was crying, shaking and you simply pulled him into a hug and let Him cry it all out until he stopped.

He pulls the pillow away from your face and you sob, avoiding looking at him. He lifts your chin Up and you look into his eyes, his gorgeous red eyes. They reminded you of garnets. Those eyes that shined after he had drinken from you. But today, they looked hurt, worried.

He gently kisses your forehead and then pulls you into a hug. You stood there, frozen for at least 5 seconds before your eyes started to water again, and you wrapped your arms around him. And you just cried. You just cried as you hugged Him, and that's when you spilled it all. “I am so tired!” You say and bury your face on his chest. Your crying starts to calm down. “I have so much to do. I- I just-” You sniffed and sighed. “I am tired. I haven't slept for 2 days, and I have such bad anxiety.” You say as you stopped hugging, but he still is holding on to you. You fidget with the end of the button to his shirt. “Wyll, we have To help him rescue his dad, Karlach, we need to find Dammon so he can see if he can fix her engine, Shadowheart, She has these people after her because she betrayed Shar and now we need to also find her parents, Gale, We Find a book and now he wants the crown of the Elder brain, Laezel well… she is cool.” You smiled, and Astarion chuckles at the end. But he notices everything that is put on you.

Everyone expects you to do something or help them with something. Make huge decisions For them as well. Since the very beginning. “You don't think I'm cool?” He asks and you nod. “You aren't. You are amazing.” You say and he hugs you tighter. “I'm sorry.” you say.

“Don't Apologize Darling.” He says as he pulls from the hug to look at you. “You may feel like you are doing this all by yourself. But you aren't.” He says as he brushes your hair behind your ear. “I'm here. And also I suppose everyone else here as well.” He says and you nod. You felt like crying again but your head hurt. “Also I heard you all talking and what the hell is up with you all thinking I am pregnant?”

“I never thought you were! You know I am not good with kids. I am not risking it to burst myself instead yo-”

“Shush!” You cover his mouth and he grins. “You are sometimes too loud.” You say and he nods. And you two are quiet. You don't know if you would sleep tonight or Would even leave your tent. You were still anxious as to what was coming. But, at least you know you aren't alone now.

“I know you won't sleep tonight, Darling. Would I interest you in a bath? And after a lovely love session?” He says as he holds your hand and brings it to his lips, placing a kiss. He then gets close to you and kisses you. You smile in the kiss. After a couple of minutes of kissing, you pull away and look at him. You nod. "I'd love that.” You say as you hold on to his hand.

“I love you Astarion.” It felt weird saying it. You two don't say it often, but it has a lot of meaning for you two after everything you two have gone through.

“I love you too Darling.”

[heavyhitterheaux]

On Bended Knee

First Lady of Private Garden Fic

Synopsis: You and Jack go to a series of therapy sessions to talk about your marriage that you honestly feel in the back of your mind is going to lead to the two of you being separated and Jack is desperately trying for it not to happen

Pairing: Husband!Jack Harlow x Wife!Reader

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

Mentions of postpartum depression, death, and miscarriage

“So, what is bringing us in today?” Fatima, your therapist asked both you and Jack as the two of you were sitting at opposite ends of the couch in front of her.

Jack glanced over at you and you simply had your head resting on your arm as you looked straight ahead so he figured that he needed to be the one to speak first.

“We are at odds like we've never been before and I don't know what else to do. It seems like I take five steps forward and ten steps back when it comes to her. I love my wife and I can't see myself without her.” He quietly said as Fatima smiled at him and nodded. She then turned to you.

“Y/N? Would you agree with that?”

“To a certain extent, yes. But I reached my breaking point a long time ago.”

Hearing that made Jack’s heart drop.

“Tell me more.”

“The man who claims that he's my husband and sitting across from me is someone that I truly no longer recognize as far as some of his actions go. Because the Jack that I know wouldn't do those things in a million years.”

“Such as?”

“Making me feel that my thoughts and feelings are invalid. We've been together since we were fifteen years old, got married at 19, but something switched in 2022 when his fame went to an entire new level. Our relationship has been tested and I don't know if it's even worth saving at this point.”

Jack turned to look at you in disbelief because he couldn't believe that those words came out your mouth.

“Babe…”

“No. You begged me to come to therapy with you so you need to put your big boy pants on even if it's something that you don't want to hear. Because trying to talk to you at home is obviously not working. You asked for this so don't shy away now.” You told Jack as you finally looked at him. All he did was play with his wedding ring and nod before turning back to look at Fatima.

You and Jack had barely been speaking to one another and it seemed as if the arguments over little things were getting more and more frequent. You were sitting in the living room since you had just fed the triplets as Jack came and sat next to you.

You glanced over at him, but didn't speak as you turned back around to look at the TV. This was the first time you were able to have peace and quiet all day and the last thing you wanted was to argue with him again. Because at this point, you knew that the two of you were not on the same page.

“Baby?”

“What?” You said and it came out a little harsher than you intended.

“I don't want to keep fighting with you. We're on the same team.”

“Are we? Hadn't noticed since it doesn't seem like it.”

“Y/N, come on. You know we are.” He told you as he attempted to grab your hand. He was surprised when you didn't move away from him.

“Some of your actions state otherwise.”

“I want to fix this and I know you do too. I signed up for marriage counseling and we meet the therapist on Wednesday. I just…. We need to get on the same page if we want this marriage to last.”

You turned to look at him and simply sighed before crossing your arms over your chest.

“And if this doesn't work, then what?”

“Babe, that isn't an option.”

“And you didn't answer my question, Jackman. Tell me what will happen if it doesn't work?”

“I don't have an answer because I don't plan on that happening. We love each other and we’re going to get through this.”

“I'm not sure that I want to go.” You told him being completely honest.

“Can I ask why?”

“If you can't even listen to me when we're at home, what makes you think it'll be any different in therapy?”

“Y/N, you're shaking your head as Jack is talking. What are you thinking?”

“He remembers that a lot differently than I do. I told him not once, but multiple times that she made me uncomfortable, but he steadily ignored me. So much so that he actually asked her to be in his video for First Class.”

“But, you're in it, are you not?”

“Yes, only because I stopped what I was doing when I saw her post a picture of the both of them on Instagram and she was sitting in his lap.  He claimed that she took the pic so fast that he didn't even have time to react. I went to where they were shooting the video and told her to leave and made her delete the picture. Oh, and when I actually did fight her because this had been building up for months with her constantly harassing me, never not once did he ask me if I was okay. Instead he acted mean as hell towards me because the only thing he seemed to be concerned about was our reputation in the public eye and not my actual well-being. We were both at home for a few days after which ended in another argument and him leaving.”

“But you left out the part where you had talked to me the same day that it happened and said absolutely nothing and tried to hide it. I was in a whole different state when I found out and caught a flight to Atlanta to confront you about it because you had stopped answering your phone. There was no need to lie to me about that.”

“Yes there was because I knew you would lose your shit which you did when you came and saw me backstage before my show.”

“Because you could've gotten hurt!”

“Hmm, nice try. I think you meant damage your reputation because those words didn't even come out of your mouth when it happened.”

“Just because I'm mad at you doesn't mean that I want any harm to come to you. You're my wife! Why would I want you to put yourself in a situation which could lead to you getting hurt? That's what I was mad about.”

“Wouldn't have had to be in that situation if you would have established boundaries with her from the beginning. I'm your wife. We share a last name. Not her.”

Therapy had been going steady for the first three weeks and Jack simply didn't know how to feel at this point. He wasn't able to read you as of lately and had it in the back of his mind that a divorce would be coming soon and you would be the one to ask for it. 

And that made him sick to his stomach.

When you were pregnant, it seems like everything was halted and the two of you put your issues to the side. But as soon as they were born and you had healed from it, everything had come back up to the surface. It also didn't help that Jack knew you were also going through postpartum depression.

It was one in the morning and he had gone for a drive after checking on you as well as the triplets and making sure all of you were okay. He didn't have an exact destination in mind, but he simply pulled out his phone and took a deep breath before dialing his mother’s number. He was absolutely desperate at this point.

Maggie picked up on the third ring and he could tell that she was still wide awake by all of the background noise which he assumed was the TV.

“Hey honey, everything okay?”

“No.” 

When Maggie heard how distressed her oldest child sounded she immediately grew concerned.

“What's going on? Are Y/N and the babies okay?”

“They're fine, but umm…” Jack trailed off as he struggled to say his next sentence.

“But what?”

“I honestly think deep down that Y/N is going to divorce me and I… can't live without her. I haven't had to do it in so long that I wouldn't even know where to start. She's the love of my life and the mother of my kids. I can't lose her.”

“What exactly makes you think that she will?”

“We're going to therapy but there's such a huge disconnect that I don't think we'll be able to fix. She didn't have high expectations going into it so…”

“Can I be honest?” Maggie asked and took a deep breath after doing so. However, Jack had a strong feeling that he already knew what she was about to say.

“You saw this coming, didn't you?” Jack asked as he turned onto Bardstown and was casually driving throughout the city.

“Yes from a mile away. I don't know what exactly happened, but 2022 was the start of the rift being made in your relationship with each other. And I've pulled you aside a few times and warned you that how you were acting wasn't a good portrayal of the person I raised you to be or the husband that I know you are towards Y/N. That girl basically worships the ground you walk on and you used to do the same thing. The fame got to you and you were starting to achieve your goals and she was supportive of you. You didn't give her the same support in return and now look where you two are.”

“What do I do to fix this? I need her to forgive me.”

“Then you need to remind her of how much you love and care about her. Because your actions haven't reflected that you do.”

“And what if that doesn't work?”

“Then you'll be signing divorce papers.” 

“Definitely can't forget how he thought I was cheating on him and he actually followed me to see what I was doing.”

“I apologized for that. I was paranoid. I had been gone a lot and missed you.”

“What did Y/N do to make you think that she was cheating?” Fatima asked Jack as he once again started to play with his wedding ring.

“Not spending time with me like she said she would when I finally got back home and she would lie about where she was going so I followed her.”

“And what came of that?”

“She was planning a surprise party for me because First Class had done so well. And she then explained who every single person was that she had met up with. She was just trying to keep it a secret as best as she could. But the day of the party unbeknownst to me of course, I confronted her about it and the look she gave me was utter disbelief and I then knew that I had fucked up. She did show up eventually to the party and then went on her festival run and left that same night.”

“Y/N, is that how you remember it?”

“Yes, I just couldn't fathom that he thought that I would ever want to do something to hurt our marriage. I haven't looked another man's way since we started dating and I still don't. He's everything that I ever wanted and more so what would be the point of that? It just really hurt me. I have this man's name tattooed on my body for everyone to see so why would I do that?”

“I can tell by the way you're talking about it that it still hurts you.”

“It does and the thing is that I am always putting everyone else's needs before my own. I have a big heart and that has always been the case. But I feel that Jack used that to his advantage.”

“How so?”

“If he called and said that he needed me, everything else would be forgotten at that moment. It doesn't matter anymore and we can go back to it once I go and make sure he’s okay. It didn't matter that I was trying to establish a career of my own. If my baby needed me, nothing was going to stop me from getting to him. It didn't matter how big or small the issue was and he knew that.”

“Hmm, Jack, what are your thoughts on that?”

“Now that she said it out loud, I can admit to taking advantage of her as horrible as that sounds. I never want to do that to my wife. I would call her because I know that out of anyone at the end of the day she has my back and my best interest. However, I also should have taken into consideration what she was trying to do for her career at that time because I was the one who pushed her to do it and make a name for herself.” 

“And I still put people's needs before my own. It's something that I have to learn to stop doing. That also takes me back to the whole Anitta thing.”

“What about her?”

“She threatened to release a portion of our sex tape in May and Jack didn't even tell me until December. That's when I called off the wedding, when I found out he lied to me.”

“Jack, why didn't you tell her?”

“I thought I could handle it on my own and simply make it go away. I wanted to shield her from that since a lot had happened between the two of them already. Not the smartest choice since it led to us not doing our big wedding for our five year anniversary.”

“And then I went on tour and found out I was pregnant…. With triplets.”

“And told me in a text message because we really weren't talking during that time.”

Urban glanced at you as you were feeding Autumn and called your name to get your attention. He had come over to check on you because you hadn't been acting like yourself and wanted to see if there was anything that he could do to make it better.

“Lil Bit.”

“Yes?” You answered as you looked up at him.

“Are you and Jack okay?”

“Depends on what your definition of okay is.”

“I… the two of you just seem sad and out of it lately.” Seeing his best friends’ marriage crumble before his eyes was not on this year's bingo card.

“Well we started going to therapy and Jack practically had to beg me to go. I don't know, Urban. I love him and we all know that's true. But the question is if our marriage is worth saving at this point?”

“Only the two of you are going to be able to answer that question at this point. I can't answer that for either of you. But I know that Jack loves you all the same and that he's doing everything he can to show you that he deserves another chance to get this right. He doesn't want to lose you.” Urban told you as you simply nodded and adjusted Autumn in your arms.

“My thing is that it should have never come to this.”

“I agree, but what's done is done and the only thing that the two of you can do is move forward. The triplets deserve to see a happy marriage between their parents and know what real love looks like.”

As soon as those words left Urban's mouth, it got you thinking that maybe he was right. You honestly couldn't see yourself with anyone except him despite all the two of you had gone through that year.

“But so much has happened and I… just don't know anymore.”

“You know that you love him. I know that loving someone isn't the only thing you need in order to make it work but it's a good start.”

“As the two of you sit in front of me, I've heard the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to your marriage, but I know one thing for certain. The two of you undeniably love each other despite everything that has happened. Yes, there were hardships and plenty of ups and downs, but Y/N, every time you even talk Jack lights up and looks at you like you hung all the stars in the sky. Usually in this room, it ends up being the complete opposite because by the time that couples get to me they are too far gone.”

She glanced at both of you and it looked as if you wanted to say something.

“Y/N? What's on your mind?”

“Um, I was just thinking that because of everything that happened, I wanted to separate from him for a while.”

Jack didn't dare let you see it, but tears had pricked his eyes.

“But, I have decided not to. If he's doing all of this and trying to put the effort in then I guess I can give him another chance. Because when I had suggested going to therapy and doing things to hopefully help us repair the relationship, he just waved me off. I feel as though this was too little too late but…”

“Y/N, it wasn’t too late because the two of you are sitting in front of me. That goes to show me despite it all, deep down you still had hope for your marriage too.”

“I have three kids to think about.”

“No, that's not it. Even though they deserve to see what love and happiness looks like, you also deserve the same thing. Jack, how does that make you feel hearing that Y/N wanted to separate from you?”

“It hurts. I've been in love with her since I first laid eyes on her. I know I've messed up and I can understand why she feels that way. I wasn't treating her how she deserved to be treated and it shouldn't have taken me almost losing her to realize that. She died in front of me not once, but twice. But I had already made it up in my mind that if I became a widow, there was no way in hell that I was marrying someone else.”

“And I'm not totally innocent either, but at one point I was damn near walking on eggshells and I shouldn't have to do that in my marriage. And you could have married someone else. I would not want you to be lonely for the rest of your life.”

“No, because I would always compare her to you and when it comes to you, no one comes close.” Jack said as he turned to you and took your hand in his.

“Besides, I was also scared that you were probably going to haunt me if I did.” He told you and a small smile broke out on your face. 

“So with that being said, I have homework for the two of you. If you want to start to repair this marriage and make it work, start dating each other again. It seems like ever since the triplets have been born that the two of you actually haven't spent time with each other with just the two of you. Let me know how this goes and I honestly can't wait to hear about it.”

The night was winding down at the Kentucky State Fair as you and Jack were sharing a funnel cake piled high with powdered sugar and strawberries. The two of you rode so many different things and decided that it was time for food before it was closing time. A few people had asked you and Jack for pictures, but for the most part they were keeping their distance and you almost felt normal. You guess it was the fact that they saw the two of you out and about so often. 

As the two of you were eating, you looked at Jack and giggled, noticing that he had powdered sugar on his nose.

“What? Why are you laughing at me?” He asked as he pinched your cheek.

“You have powdered sugar on your nose.” You told him as you wiped it off and then kissed the tip of it making him smile.

“Did you want anything else before we leave?” He asked and your eyes lit up as you looked towards the pigs that were across from the two of you. Jack followed your gaze and his eyes went wide.

“Baby, NO.”

“But….”

“I meant food wise! We have two pigs already! And the ones over there are huge! They're bigger than me!”

“Exaggerating much? Can't I just look!? Piggy Smalls and Pork Chop need a sibling.”

“They have one in the house already as in the bacon I ate this morning.” Jack replied as he began laughing.

“JACKMAN!”

“You can look from here. Now didn't you say you wanted fried oreos?”

“Yes, but you're forgetting something.”

“What's that babe?” He asked as he fed you the last of the funnel cake and made sure to get all of the powdered sugar off of your face. 

“You haven't won me a stuffed animal yet.”

“Let’s do it then. Which stuffed animal do you want?”

“The pig since you won't let me buy another one.”

“The two of you are smiling, so I take that as a good sign.” Fatima said as she looked at you and Jack and she that the two of you were basically sitting on top of each other and nodded.

“So, the dates went well?”

“Yes, we went bowling, he took me to the state fair, and we went to Vincezo's. We also had a cooking date where we made pasta from scratch. Surprised that Jack lived to tell the tale after that one.”

“HEY! I thought I did pretty good!”

“I mean it did end up being edible so I guess.” You told him as you laughed and he scrunched up his nose.

“We've come a long way. The two of you came to me about six months ago and Y/N was ready to call it quits. And now look at the two of you. Communicating how you should and taking the time out for each other. Just because you have kids doesn't mean you two and your well being gets put on the back burner. As of now, we can continue these sessions if the two of you want, but I truly don't see a need.”

“Oh, there was another thing.” Jack started to say and Fatima looked at him to continue.

“I played her ‘Down on Bended Knee’ because I feel that it summed up the point that we were at in our relationship. I was desperate and willing to do anything for her to forgive me and make her see that she is still the only person that I want to do life with.

“That’s an amazing song choice. I know you were at a loss. Dealing with her dying in front of you, the birth of the triplets and the possibility of losing your only son, the miscarriage, Y/N working her way through postpartum depression and that isn't even all of it. But the two of you pushed through all of it with the undying love that you share between each other and I'm so proud of the both of you.”

“Now, I feel like I can finally get the big wedding that I always wanted.” You said confidently as you twirled your wedding ring around your finger not knowing that Jack had already started planning it in the back of his mind.

Jack noticed how you were looking at him as the two of you were laughing on your first date night in a while since the two of you had been so busy with everything going on around you. The triplets were with Urban and the two of you had finally finished going to marriage counseling, however, Fatima told the two of you to reach out whenever you needed her no matter how big or small. 

The two of you were still seeing your regular therapists and it was helping you communicate better with one another to set up to have a positive household environment for the triplets.

“Why are you looking at me like that baby girl?” Jack asked as he stole a sip of your iced tea and then slid it back across the table.

“Nothing. I’m just really happy.” You said while smiling back at him.

“Why, is it because I rearranged your guts this morning or? I mean I can do it again once we leave here too, it’s not a problem. Just say the word.”

“Jackman! Shut up!” You responded and continued to laugh.

“What? I was just asking.” Jack said as he shrugged.

“You want me to be honest?” You said while starting to play with the fabric at the bottom of your dress.

“Of course I want you to be honest with me. That’s all I ever want.”

“I’m trying to think of the best way to describe it.”

“Take your time, sweetheart. We have all night.”

“Loving you feels lighter.”

“What do you mean?” Jack asked as he was trying to understand what you were saying.

“I just feel that before with all that we were going through, I felt a heaviness I guess I should say. Every day I woke up not knowing if our marriage was going to survive and I hated having that feeling. I wanted for us to be okay again.”

“And now we finally are. And I’m thankful that you gave us another chance.”

“I mean you got me fucked up if you thought you were getting rid of me that easily. Been together since we were fifteen and love like that doesn’t go away overnight.”

“I never want to get rid of you, you know me better than that. If anything, my love for you continues to grow every single day. It doesn’t matter if we have a bad day or not. It’s just knowing that I have you by my side makes it all worth it because I know we’ll do anything for each other and make sure that the other is okay. No matter how big or small the issues might be.”

“Okay that will be the second time you made me cry today.” You said as you could feel the tears in the corners of your eyes.

“Don’t cry, baby! I’m just being honest. I honestly don’t think there’s enough words in any language on earth that can describe how much I love you and care about you."

"Yep, now I'm crying." You said through your tears and Jack immediately grabbed your left hand to kiss the back of it as he played with your wedding ring.

"Putting this ring on your finger was the best thing I've ever done and you have my heart. Always."

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA - I invited my brother to my work event but he is also my friend's ex, she also works with me.

So my brother (M 45ish) lives about 6 states away, I (F 31) see him 3-4 times a year if he has time to come, he has a busy life so it varies how often he's able to visit. This upcoming visit he plans on coming in during a huge work event where my workplace is hosting at an amusement park, the place is not small in any sense of the word. I really want to attend because on a normal day I can't afford to go to this place but I got some free tickets and they are letting us buy additional at a discounted rate. So I invited our while family thinking it would be a great activity for everyone and I can still get to spend time with my brother while having fun. Today, I get a message from my friend (F 27) that works with me telling me that I have no consideration for her feelings, I intentionally picked the same time as her, and I was just trying to hurt her. Here's the problem, I didn't even know about her plans to go until after I extended my invitation to my family. I truly think if I told them "oh sorry, none of you can go because our brother's ex has a problem with it" that sounds ridiculous. So I wasn't backtracking after already inviting them. Then we decided we wanted to go in the evening because we have company exclusive ride time from 8-11 and none of us want to stay there all day just to be there for that so we said we'd go around 5, which is when my friend decided to go. My brother just got married to his best friend and I understand she is hurt but they have been broken up for almost a year now and she's angry that I invited him because seeing him and his "bitch ass wife" as she put it would ruin her entire day. She genuinely even threatened to ruin our entire day if I actually bring him then called me selfish. She asked me how I would feel if she brought my ex (low blow mind you, that was a 4 year abusive relationship and then he shot himself in front of me. Hes now disabled in a nursing home) I told her that seeing him wouldn't bother me because I've worked past that with my therapist and I've learned to be bigger than that, I refuse to let seeing him hurt me. She asked and I gave her an honest answer about how I truly felt. Apparently, that was an attack on her because I was then called a cunt and told not to talk to her. I never once called her names during this entire conversation, I'm not that person. I even offered a solution of sharing my live location so we can avoid each other but that wasn't enough. She just wasn't going to be happy if he went. So in a sense of things, she's trying to make me pick sides but her choosing to have a relationship with someone states away that didn't work out isn't something that I feel I should have to be in the middle of. AITA?

[arrowheadedbitch]

Okay, I just spent, like over two hours talking about how a Leanna Firestone song (Tourniquet) is perfect for Shawn and I'll be damned if I don't make a post out of it so here we go, buckle up

Okay first of all, here's the song

Enjoy, it is VERY good

So let's get into this, yeah?

This includes my suicide attempt hc that I mentioned in a previous post in it

I have been listening to this song on loop and it's making me go just a touch feral

"You can get a new car, but you can't forget the way it sounds or feels to crash

High speed impact

Normally the first person I'd call was my dad"

But im imagining that hc/story we were talking about yesterday, so change the words tooooo.....🥁🥁🥁

"You can get a new car, but you can't forget the way it sounds or feels to crash

High speed impact

ALL BECAUSE THE FIRST PERSON I callED was my dad" AUDHDBJEHEJSJDJEJ

But, later on, I realised that the song ACTUALLY says "NO POLICE, the first person I called was my dad" NOT normally, which hits different in this context but doesn't actually change much

And like, him yelling it in front of everyoneeeee

Henry is THERE

They're all like....what do you mean by that...

He will not elaborate but now they know that apparently something bad happened to him because he called his dad?

"Shawn, what are you talking about"

Shawn does the dramatic "I said something I shouldn't have" hand over mouth clasp

He freezes, he stumbles over his words, then he makes a run for it

Everyone is just standing there confused as hell

It's such a not shawn thing to yell out and do tho that even Henry is slightly concerned

Or maybe just confused

Or offended at the implication that he somehow hurt shawn so bad with some random phonecall

And now there are a bunch of people needling him to tell them about wtf he was talking about

Pressuring him to tell them about this traumatic event

ESPECIALLY Gus, who would normally be in the loop about something like this so he's extremely concerned and maybe even a little hurt that Shawn won't tell him

Even Henry, who usually doesn't give a shit about this kind of thing, is trying to get it out of him

He mostly just wants to know what the hell shawn is blaming him for this time lol

But he doesn't get how serious this is

None of them do, that's why they keep trying to get it out of him

They just assume it's another one of those silly things he always has going on, not, yknow....SUICIDE

Not even his mom knows, maybe they'd try to call his mom bc he tells her pretty much everything and find out she ALSO doesn't know

Then they're like....Gus doesn't know......his mom doesn't know.....holy shit maybe this is serious

"Some people die before they're dead!

Building collapse, pressure outweighs the pain

I don't feel sad

I don't feel ANYTHING

Only will when the blood returns

But I'd rather be numb then know how bad I'm hurt"

Someone save my boy

He is emotionally constipated

His mom also might fly down to figure out what's happening after she gets that call

So now literally EVERYONE is bugging him about this

Poor Shawn, there's even a THERAPIST needling him about this traumatic event now 😭😭😭

And everybody wants to know

At this pace he's gonna become a hermit so he doesn't have to tell anyone 😭😭😭😭

"So, I'll keep the tourniquet on

I'll block it out and off

Cuz I don't need anyone

I don't need anyone

I don't need anyone at all

If I keep the tourniquet on"

I think all of this would lead to Shawn blowing up on then, maybe he'd say something that accidentally gives away more of what happened but I don't think he'll be able to bring himself to actually say out loud what happened, at least not to them

Because, well, emotional constipation, anyone?

He wouldn't talk about his feelings at gun point

"Maybe we always start

Back where we end

Don't know if I'm God

Or if I'm sisyphus"

But maybe change to

"I try to act like God

But I'm just sisyphus"

Or something similar

Now, to get into a SECOND POINT ABOUT THE SAME SONG HAHA!

So, this first part has been about Shawn saying the stuff in the song or just really good lines that he would relate to

But this next part is more of an....application for all of this

Imagine with me, if you will

Shawn does a few artsy stuff like....drawing that he doesn't really like to show off a lot, so imagine this,

/Shawn would totally be a good songwriter/

Imagine he wrote a few songs as more of like journal/vent things and he never wants them to see the light of day

This is while him and Jules are together btw

So, Juliet finds out about the songs, he tries to brush them off bc he doesn't like to think about them and he doesn't want her to see them, that kind of thing, but she reads it as insecurity

This is the same woman who went around Lassies back to plan him a birthday party and accidentally invited a bunch of criminals, so, I don't think it's that big a stretch that she would try to do something to make him feel better about his music and go behind his back a little to do it so she can *surprise* him

She grabs the first complete song she can get her hands on, maybe glances through it but makes the mistake of not reading it thoroughly and submits it to a song writing competition, if it loses, Shawn will never know, if it wins, boom! Boost in his self esteem about his songs!

A win-win plan, really

And the song she grabbed was the Shawn version of Tourniquet we've been talking about, obviously

Yeah, it's *her* turn to do something for *him* with good intentions that ends up being awful, she's not gonna be in the doghouse for this one...she's going straight to the pound

The prize for winning the contest? Well, a celebrity sings it of course!

And...well Juliet may have overlooked that it's sung.....on live television...

All classic song writing prizes, maybe you can win a record deal and a bunch of money too or whatever

Not that Shawn would care about any of that

Anyways, her and Shawn go to the place where they're announcing the winners, you know? Big party. Shawn doesn't know what it's about but he's having fun, probably solving a case here too!

But then he wins....

It's the big finale, announce the winner and sing the song on stage and on camera

"And, this song will be our grand finale! The winning song of the song writing contest will be revealed and sung!" So the singer gets on stage and Shawn is all smiles until he hears "And this song is...🥁🥁🥁 Tourniquet by Shawn Spencer!"

And Shawn is going through all the stages of grief, he turns to Jules all "What the fuck did you do" (Perhaps first time she hears him legit cuss??) [Ty Luka]

And suddenly Juliet realises that she should have read the lyrics a bit closer before submitting it

It's the first time she's seen him ANGRY because he is about to get angry

They get in an argument, Shawn storms off, she feels bad

But, the song was on LIVE TELEVISION

Everyone saw it! Everyone HEARD them attribute it to him!

And they don't know he wasn't in on it! They have no reason to believe he's upset about winning!

So, when he shows up at the station, everyone is trying to talk to him about it!

It's AWFUL

Gus is asking about it, but he stopped pretty quick when he noticed how pissed Shawn seemed about it

Henry's been calling him

He's been not answering, obviously

Juliet tries to talk it out with shawn but he's not having it right now, "Shawn, I-"

"You, shut up, you are in the /pound/!"

"*gasp* the pound?"🥺😢

"THE POUND"

And Lassie was gonna give him a hard time and ask questions but he saw that interaction and realised that he shouldn't touch this with a five foot fucking pole

The precinct feels oddly tense today because well....no one's ever seen SHAWN SPENCER so ANGRY

Or really angry at all

He really powers through solving this case and is actually pretty scary the whole time and he won't talk to Jules, they are not in speaking terms right now

Anything that he would normally go to Jules about, he goes to Carlton and acts like she's not even there while he gets Lassiter to do whatever it is he needs

No fun nicknames either, but what really hits? When he HAS to address jules.....he calls her Detective O'hara

So she REALLY knows she's in trouble

Obviously she's gonna do anything she can to make it better, we know Jules

So she asks around for advice on what she should do

Talks to anyone who will listen really, Lassie, Gus, she even goes to Henry

[Side note, I've been imagining she heard the song, like it was playing all throughout so they could hear it a little muffled from the spot they were arguing at, but she probably missed a good chunk because of the arguing and talking, though her not having heard it would be a really interesting turn to take! She doesn't know what was wrong with the song, only the aftermath, that could be interesting]

Anyway, she gets mostly the same advice, let Shawn cool down and then work it out

But, since she talked to Henry, he now knows that not only did Shawn not submit that song, he's pissed that it played at all

Which will affect the way he treats Shawn when they inevitably talk later

Instead of thinking Shawn did this to get back at him, he knows these were private thoughts that were shared against his will, so he'll be a little less defensive and accusatory

Gus doesn't know what exactly the song was about, but he gets to be the most in the know since he's the only person Shawn is really actually talking to right now

A lot of ranting to Gus about this, of course

Lassie has the least know of the situation because an angry shawn is a startlingly untalkative shawn

Shawn takes a week or two to stop being so completely pissed

He talks to Henry at some point, they probably have a moment or something, but he won't tell anyone what the song was meant to be about

Eventually he calms down enough to let Jules talk to him again and she gets to apologize profusely and work her way off the shit list

And now everyone knows about the depth to shawns character that he didn't want them to know about so he'll just have to slowly chip away at that by going back to being the town idiot as usual

Maybe he agrees to sell his songs as long as his name doesn't go on any of them, I dunno

Everything goes back to normal...eventually, but it takes...a while

So shawn ends it just as emotionally constipated as before but now everyone KNOWS he's emotionally constipated

Everyone gets to go "holy shit, this kid actually has emotional depth?!?!??"

And Henry gets to sit and wonder what he did to Shawn that was a "crash", what phone call? What did he do?

And Yeah, most of them forget probably

But also, there's that inkling of.......is he really okay?

Always in the back of his friends minds

Because

They /heard/ the song

Juliet goes over board trying to make up for it in a way that's so endearing shawn can't help but smile

And forgive her, but only after the third pineapple/hj

Gus is a little concerned but he knows Shawn doesn't want to talk about it so he let's it go

Lassie tries not to pry but he's still feeling kind of awkward about it (what is he supposed to do in this situation? Anything? Should he even care? Should be be on O'Hara's side because they're friends? Shawn's side because he was the one wronged? Anyone's side at all? Should he say something? Welp, he just won't do anything, maybe)

Buzz has no idea what's going on but did try to comfort Shawn a few times and it was sweet

Buzz never knows what's going on with the main four but we love him anyway

Henry has the song on loop trying to figure out what he did and if there's something he should do or say about it

And someone should definitely get Shawn a therapist but they don't

And the whole song is soooooo about his dad

So about his dad it hurts

Tho Gus is a little offended at the "I don't need anyone" part and he makes sure his thoughts on that are known

"I spend every night

With the TV on

I can't bear to be

Alone with my own thoughts"

And now you guys won't be able to stop thinking about this either, MUAHAHAHAHA

To the people who talked to me on discord, thank you!

@mores0 @storm-cloud-lightning

And also @j-snapdragon who joined right at the end

[devotedlykoneshots]

PARK SEONGHWA: THE THERAPIST

Genre : 🔞minors dni, small age gap, reader is a menace, seonghwa does a little more than guide her, smut

Word count: 3,814

--------

It was silent for a few minutes as your counselor went over your file, face void of any emotion and leaving you nothing that could give away what he was thinking about.

Your parents had sent you to a behavioral program for troubled kids after your last outburst landed you in jail.

They'd been very calculated by it , sending you before your 18 birthday so you wouldn't be able to leave even if by law you could.

You had nowhere to go and no financial support especially since your family practically abandoned you since you entered the program.

It's been months and nothing, not even a Ietter from them but you'd excepted your fate and chose to make due with what you had.

On the bright side kids there weren't that bad and most of them were in the same position as you were, the more you show progress in the program the more you're allowed freedom.

The program also helped young adults find housing and jobs once they completed the program, so it wasn't all bad but still you didn't want to be there.

A voice brings you out of your head.

"i see you have a history of violence."he shuts the thick folder and you shrugged your shoulders.

"People have a history of pissing me off."you rolled your eyes and he sighed, the new ones are always the hardest to get through to.

"We need to find the trigger only then can I help you , you can't just retaliate with violence everytime someone is being a dick to you"he half scolds you which you noticed now that he looked pretty young to be working here.

"Excuse my french"he apologized for his outburst and you smirked at him losing his temper.

"Look I'm here to help you reign in those violent impulses, that starts with identifying the problem and that means going back through your past"he said and you sighed, gathering your things and standing up.

"We're gonna be here awhile and you have another session in 20 minutes"you told him and he scoffed, blocking you from leaving with his arm.

"Then you better get started"he said and you looked at him incredulous.

"sit"he orders you and you plop back down in your chair, defeated and finally starting to give in.

-------

"You use humor as a way to hide your pain, it's not uncommon"your first session with Mr park was pretty much a success, you'd talked about your father abandoning you before you turned 5 and how your mother married quickly after he left.

It turned out neither of your parents were faithful in that marriage and that led to your trust and commitment issues.

You also have major abandonment issues which your mother never caught onto considering she'd just abandoned you just like your father.

"Thank you"you said to his statement about your coping mechanisms, you'd been through that drug phase and that played a factor in you being sent there.

You thought it was a bit hypocritical since your mother, father and step father all went through a drug phase.

"That's not a good thing"he said, shaking his head and you raised your eyebrows.

"What I'm hearing is you think

I'm funny"you said , making his job harder was your favorite pass time.

"I- no, that's not-"he trips and stumbles over his words embarrassingly but you say nothing about it, the feeling of you eyeing him with that mischievous look in your eyes.

It made him flustered.

It's not that none of his clients haven't tried to flirt with him or didn't try and make a move on him because they have but there was something different about you.

Maybe it was your story or the way you carry yourself despite having been through so much at a young age and you're not even half way through your past at that but you still made seonghwa nervous like a little high school girl being near her crush for the first time.

"Let's talk about journey"this however caught you off guard, your "sudden" change in sexuality is also why you're here, your mom almost had a heart attack when she came home early from work and saw you sucking on a girls neck in her living room.

"Why?"you asked, your face contorts into a pained look.

"Because as soon as you heard her name you became tense, it's obviously a hard topic for you"he tells you and you shake your head.

"We really don't-"he cuts you off with a warning tone, not giving you a choice.

"Y/n"

"She was my girlfriend"you hurried out and seonghwa heard it.

"Girlfriend? You're-"you raised your eyebrows, clearly amused.

"Are you asking about my sexuality Mr park?"you asked with a smirk, he was so fun to rile up.

"No!"he exclaimed and you laughed at his outburst, cheeks burning red.

"I would never"he said and you smiled, nodding your head.

"Good, that would have been extremely unprofessional. I'd hate to get you into any trouble"you blinked innocently at him and you could swear you could see a little tent in his pants.

"I'm pansexual, just in case you were wondering"you leaned forward and whispered to him, he gulps and clears his throat.

"Back to journey"he said, redirecting the subject back to the task at hand and you let out a grumble.

"She was my first love and my mother forbid that we see each other, the end"with that you took it upon yourself to end the session and with left the room, slamming the door closed as you left.

------

During lunchtime you took it upon yourself to go and apologize to Mr park, just before you could knock on the door a moan rips from under the door.

So you open the door after a moment and let yourself in, the sight before you was a beautiful sight with his cock in his hand and his hips bucking into his fist.

The quick rise and fall of his chest which unfortunately stopped the moment he realized someone walked into the room.

"Y/n, you're supposed to be having lunch"he pants as he stands up and turns away from you, tucking himself back in his jeans which didn't hide much because he was still hard.

"You always jerk off while I'm having lunch, mr park?"you asked and he runs his fingers through his hair as he bends down to put his paperwork away.

"I'm not answering that, I uh-"he answered before placing his hands on the desk and shutting a drawer with his foot before turning to look at you, you slowly stalking towards him like a predator stalking it's prey right before it pounces.

"What can I help you with?"he asked and you pulled yourself up onto his desk.

"I was coming to apologize for storming out earlier"you said innocently as if you weren't perched on top of his desk, looking like a present made just for him.

"Don't worry about it , I forced you into something you weren't ready for"he replied after clearing his throat.

"No you were right, bottling up my emotions is what got me here"you told him and pushed him into his chair, the heavy rise and fall of his chest beginning to return.

"I'm glad you're finally-"he chokes on air as you take your foot which you had removed your shoes while he was occupying himself, dragging your foot up the expanse of his thigh.

"Finally what?"you asked, drawing his attention back to you and he takes a deep breath.

"Y/n"he pushes your foot to the side and stood up, towering over your body and looking down on you with dark eyes.

"This is inappropriate"he said and you bit your bottom lip.

"What's inappropriate is you getting a hard on during our session"you fired back and he groans softly, cupping your jaw with one hand and tilting your head back.

"This mouth of yours is gonna get you in trouble one day"he said and you drag your hands down his chest.

"Arrest me then"you challenged him and he pulls you off his desk.

"Come here"he turns you around and bends you over his desk , grabbing a handful of your hair and pulling your head back as you let out a gasp at the sudden aggressiveness he was giving you.

You liked that. A lot.

"You like messing with my head, don't you?" He whispered in your ear and you smiled at that.

"Only because it clearly turns you on."you said and he groans softly, grinding his bulge against your clothed ass.

"This isn't right, I shouldn't be doing this"he said and let go of your hair, his senses coming back a little bit.

"Your body is saying something totally different"you said and grinded back against him, leaning your head back to look up at him.

"I want you to fuck me in every hole imaginable, now"he curses under his breath and pushes you back down on his desk, pulling your pants and panties down in one go.

His mouth is on you instantly as he kisses your ass and you have to quickly cover your mouth once he slaps your ass.

"Fuck, yes-"you moan softly and push back against his hand, he forces you back against the desk and licks your pussy from behind.

"Spread your legs"you immediately obeyed and he turns around before sliding underneath you, your bottom half is hidden by his desk thankfully because the door opens and in comes one of the founders of the program.

"Y/n? What are you doing here?"he asked and you looked up at him , forcing a smile upon your face as seonghwa starts to blow air onto your pussy and having to fight back a shiver that so desperately wanted to take over.

"Waiting for Mr park, I wanted to apologize for earlier"you told him but he walks further into the room, now concerned.

"Did something happen?"he asked, genuinely.

"I got a little too emotional and stormed out earlier, it was a touchy subject"you told him, hoping that'd be enough to get him to drop it and leave.

You were very wrong.

"Well it's good that you're recognizing your mistakes and fixing them accordingly, that's progress"he applauded you for your progress, he wouldn't be applauding you if he knew what was happening underneath that desk just a few feet from where he stood.

"Thank you"you said and he gave him a smile as seonghwa parted your lips , tongue swirling around your entrance before dragging the soft muscle up to your clit.

"Don't wait too long , lunchtime is almost over"he tells you and finally made his way to the door , allowing you just enough time to bite your bottom lip and grip the males hair beneath you.

"Of course"you responded.

"Bye!"he turned around and waved at you, you nodded and waved back. A sigh of relief escaping your lips as the door shut and he sucks on your most sensitive part, a whimper escaping your lips.

"Be quiet"he said, looking up at you and pulling your hips flushed against his face. His tongue felt amazing as he ate you out, ignoring the sounds you tried your best to keep inside.

"Little brat is speechless now, isn't she?"he taunts you , you go to reply but he cuts you off immediately.

"I-"

"I said be quiet"he stares up at you with dark eyes, this time a shiver ran down your spine from his look and he pulls back from your pussy and stands up.

Two fingers are stuffed into your tight pussy as he turns you around and pushes you up against the desk before starting to pump , smiling almost sadistically at the look on your face.

No signs of you fighting him whatsoever, you were a good girl in that moment.

"If I would've known you'd be this plaint with just a few fingers in you , I would've done this months ago"he said and you looked up at him through hooded eyes as he starts to slowly jerk his fingers, speeding up suddenly and you lean forward as a gasp leaves you.

You cling to him almost desperately as your body contorts at the pleasure he was giving you, hips bucking against his fingers with your face in his neck as you let out muffled cries.

"That's it, cum all over my fingers darling"he whispered into your ear as you holds you close and just like a good girl you cum all over his fingers just like he said, he slows down his pace as he guides you seamlessly through your orgasm before pulling back and sticking his fingers into his mouth.

"My turn"you look up at him as he unbuttoned his pants and pushed them down, his boxers following soon after before he's taking a seat in his chair.

"Come here"he said as he strokes his cock lazily and you looked at him, almost in a trance.

He was bigger than you expected.

You moved to walk towards him but he stopped you.

"Stop"he said and you obeyed immediately, you had no idea but it turned him on immensely.

You being his good girl, listening to him, following his every command like a good pet.

"On your knees"he said with a smug grin and you were so far gone already, you sink onto your knees without a second thought and crawl over to him.

You lick from his inner thigh to his balls and begin to suck on them, he groans softly and continues to stroke his cock until you move his hand before wrapping your smaller ones around his shaft.

"Come on, take it"he urges you and gather spit in your mouth before licking his cock, taking his tip between your lips and bobbing your head along his cock.

His fingers tangle into your hair and he tilts his head back, curses slipping from his lips at finally getting some attention for his cock and he looks down at you to see that you're already watching him.

One hand on his thigh and the other wrapped around the base of his cock, squeezing and twisting as you take more of his cock into your mouth.

"Fucking hell"he groans softly and pushes your head completely down, you're instantly gagging on his cock and essentially choking but he keeps you there until you're tapping his thigh for him to let you up.

He does so immediately and smiles at your coughing, gasping for air and he stands up before he's grabbing your chin and pushes his cock back into your mouth.

Your hands wrap around his thighs as he fucks your throat and he bites his bottom lip, the lewd sounds coming from the both of you had you squeezing your legs closed but he tsked and pushed them apart with his foot.

You pull back off his cock to catch your breath again and he pulls you up, turning you around and bending you over his desk again.

"I should just leave you right here, like this"he said as he prods at your hole and you looked back at him, a whimper leaving your lips.

"Please don't"you beg him and you let out a gasp , your back arching as you felt him enter inside of you.

"Oh my god"you breathe resting your head on his desk but you receive a harsh slap to your ass.

"Look at me, watch me fuck you"his hips roll into you slowly and you bite your bottom lip, nodding at his demand.

"O-okay"you said and he smiles, leaning forward and kissing your neck sloppily before sucking on the skin harshly.

"Yeah you wanted this so bad, you're gonna watch"he rasps and kisses your hair before pulling away, gradually thrusting his cock into you faster as he builds momentum.

"Oh my-"you cover your mouth as you look back at him and he spreads your cheeks just for you to see when he enters and pulls out.

"Fuck"he pulls your shirt off and tosses it on the floor, spreading your legs and pulling your hips back into him.

He enjoyed watching your eyebrows furrow and your hand clamped down over your mouth to keep quiet, your back arching with every thrust and how good it felt to be inside of you.

"I'm gonna cum"you warned him and he pulled out of you before turning you around again and sitting you on his desk, sliding back into you before resuming his pace.

"Kiss me"you whimper and try to pull him closer but he smirks at you.

"Do you really deserve it though?"he asked and you whine softly.

"That's not fair, no teasing"you complained and he didn't like that, wrapping his hand around your throat and pushing you down on the desk.

"You'll take whatever I give you...."a sharp thrust gets you to fall back in line easily, your back arching and he chuckles.

"Understand?"he asked after a moment and you nodded.

"Y-yes"you cover your mouth as he speeds up the pace again, the sounds of skin slapping against skin fills the room along with your attempts at keeping quiet.

"Yes what?"he asked and spits directly on your clit before bringing a finger down to rub on your sensitive clit.

"M-mr park"you cried out and he slams his hips against yours, your back arching off his desk and he smiles in satisfaction.

"I'm cumming, fuck I'm gonna cum"seonghwa pulls pulls you up and holds the back of your head as he presses his lips against yours deeply, you immediately kiss him back and the kiss is sloppy.

Just downright filthy, his tongue and lips attack your own and he's clearly not holding back anymore with the way his hips collide with your own as you cry out against his lips.

His fingers holding you in place to keep you from running away from his hips and when you pull away for air your lips are swollen from his kisses.

His kisses travel lower to your neck and shoulder before he bites down on the skin , losing himself in the pleasure and not thinking about the bruises that will show up on your body the next day.

All he could think of right now was how to bring you both the best pleasure and you were loving it, especially when his lips returned to your own for a round two as you cum and he sucks on your tongue.

"Fuck"he breathes once he pulls away and pulls out of you , he presses your thighs together and pushes his cock between them.

"What are you-"you gasp as he starts to buck his hips, fucking your thighs until he's cumming all over your clothed breasts.

"Fuck, come here"he pulls you up and kisses you, your arm wrapping around his neck and he moans into the kiss before he's pushing you on the floor as he hears the door opening.

He gets on the floor as well and grabs some wipes , pretending to clean something on the floor but it's only the janitor.

"Just here for trash"the old lady said and he pulls you onto your hands and knees, you look back at him and cover your mouth as he pushes his cock back into you.

"You feel amazing"he whispered to you once he leans over you and turns your head so that you could kiss his lips.

"Did you make a mess again? Want me to clean it?"the woman asked and seonghwa perks up at that, lifting his head to look at her.

"No gloria, I can clean it up myself. Go on home and get some rest"he said as he starts to thrust into you faster but not completely, careful not to make any noise.

"It's my job mr park"she insisted but he gives her a look.

"And it's my job to make sure you're taking care of yourself, I can handle one mess for the day"he assures her, you being the mess he's handling and he could very much handle it on his own.

Actually he preferred it.

"Okay fine, have a good day sir"she gives in and he waves to her, the ever polite man he is even when he's about to be balls deep inside of you as soon as she leaves.

"You too"he called out, leaning over you and grabbing your hair before pulling your head back.

"Are you having a good day, love?"he asked you, allowing his hips to slap against your ass and make that melody he loves to hear come from your lips.

"The best"you moan and he brings a hand down to rub your clit, you moaned again.

"Oh fuck, gonna cum"you cried out and hid your face on his neck, bucking your hips against his hand.

"Cum with me"he groans softly, grabbing your arms and pounding his cock into you quickly.

It only takes a few more thrusts for the both of you to cum together, heavy pants are all that fills the room now and he pulls out of you as he hears you whimper at the feeling of his cum slipping out of you.

"Mr Park"he grabs a wet wipes and wipes you clean , before tossing it into the trash and pulling you up onto your feet.

"Yes pretty girl?"he asked and you blushed at the nickname, grabbing your shirt from him and pulling it on as he helps you put on your underwear.

"I'm sorry for storming out earlier"you said and he looks at you, the softness in his eyes returning and he smiled.

"You're forgiven"he said and helped you pull on your pants as well before turning around and putting on his own clothes.

He turned to you after a moment once he realized you weren't moving, just zoned out.

"What is it?"he asked, genuinely concerned.

Something was obviously on your mind.

"Nothing"you dismiss it and turned your attention to the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow"he said and you looked at him, nodding your head at him.

"Okay"you said and he pulled you close once more, leaving a kiss upon your lips before pulling away.

"Go"he said and you bit your bottom lip before leaving out of the door, closing it behind you and walking to your room to take a shower.

Maybe you'd like it there after all.

[alexandraisyes]

If you could, what would you change in TSAMS? For example, would you add a new character or remove any of the already existing ones, make some ship canon or make two characters who are in relationship in canon to break up, make characters to be different either personality-wise or design-wise, focus on some characters more? (I want to hear you ramble about this please 🙏🙏)

The VERY FIRST THING I WOULD DO

Is put Monty in cognitive behavior therapy. And I mean that so fucking genuinely, that gator has a lot of thinking errors that make him so infuriating, and if I could get him assigned to a therapist that's NOT his girlfriend, that will actually work with him on being mindful and self-awareness and shit I would literally die happy.

My reasoning for this is that it would be so fucking unsatisfying to just "fix him". Personally, I think that would be an insult to what his character is supposed to be, and if Eclipse can get better and more empathetic and more aware of how he affects other people than so can Monty. I don't want to change his personality, I just want his character to be more aware of how big of an asshole he is and actually try to be a better guy. It 100% doesn't even need to be something in the foreground, just knowing that he's speaking to a professional about stuff would be enough.

As far as characters go, I personally don't think it's my place to suggest adding or removing characters. Mostly because I don't think it's necessary. I would push for more random lore for characters that we've met but don't know that well, especially one-off AUs that already exist in canon. We've gotten to see Gaia and Nyx again. Helios is one of the main characters now, and Kronos has been made relevant again, so they definitely remember the other dimensions. I think it would be a nice break from the heavy hard lore of the main universe, while also not being so obvious of filler content that people would throw a fit. It would be a treat for the audience to get to know more about the different canon AUs. I might prod to bring back Solar Flare, just because of the potential in his character (and yes I am biased) but even that's a coin toss because I also feel like he's served his purpose in canon.

I do think clearing up character ambiguity would be important, especially for characters like Jack where it's just so convoluted as to how we're supposed to interpret them. When the VAs say we're supposed to view a character as one thing and then portray them as another it gets really confusing for the audience. It is also really confusing for writers most of the time because they have a character that they aren't in (internal) agreement as to how they want to write them, which leads to a messy character. This is just a general statement about writers, and not specifically TSAMS.

Okay, the shipping question. I wouldn't make any ships canon or non-canon. Yes, that includes Monty/Earth. Yes, I know that I am well known for writing about ships and making AUs about ships, however, that's specifically non-canon and I know it's non-canon and I know that when I write about my silly little ships I am being delusional about characters' compatibility. It is my pride and joy to be unhinged and feral, and that would not change, but there would be a clear divide between professional work for the show and my silly fan AUs. Especially because, as I've addressed in the past, I see TSAMS as another DCA au just like all of my AUs I view as just more DCA aus, even if they are inspired by TSAMS. And considering I have multiple AUs with severely different plot lines and dynamics, I can trust that I would be able to keep them separate, and my personal work wouldn't bleed into my professional work.

Personalities? I like the characters' personalities, and I don't see a reason to change them. After all, it wouldn't make sense from a psychological perspective, which means that it doesn't make sense from a narrative perspective. I genuinely do enjoy the characterization in the show, including character flaws and things that make my skin itch. Yes, this includes Monty. As much as I say "Oh I hate Monty so much", I still really like the characterization, and I'm glad that they're willing to have such an asshole of a character. Moral ambiguity is extremely realistic, and like I've said before, I think Monty meets a lot of the requirements for narcissism or even narcopathy. Which is, again, extremely realistic. People with the kind of moral ambiguity like Monty, who are just as frustrating as Monty, are real. And they exist. And they are infuriating. But because they seem to want to portray Monty as a "good guy" I want him to do the therapy thing as earlier mentioned.

Design-wise, it's no secret that I'm an artist. There are a few designs that are just genuinely eye-sores, but I currently don't have that great of blender skills so I cannot pass judgement in that area when I literally cannot do better ajdsf;lgjafsdl. I can draw up designs, I can do 2D models and sheets and shit, but I'm currently useless when it comes to VRChat models. I want to learn, but that's such a process that I'm trying to find motivation for and I don't even know where I would start. which is part of the issue because it makes it seem even more impossible.

[lovelyladyabsinthewrites]

I’m a strong defender of SB actually caring about his daughter and here are my reasons:

If she has a bully we’ve stated that he’d take care of it regardless if the bully was a boy or girl, and also not caring if he’s drunk or sober; especially this last detail shows how he cares for her because that’s his babygirl and even though she’s more than capable of fighting her bullies herself no one will talk bad to her or harm her, not if he has a say in it

If he’s awake late at night watching tv and having a drink or two, if she would walk into the living room and jump on the couch to sit with him because she couldn’t sleep, he’d let her sit there as long as she didn’t make a sound, but he also would ansker her if she asked what the movie he was watching was about or who was who on screen; and if she fell asleep at his side with her head on his arm or legs, he wouldn’t move her

He’d even caress her hair, you can’t tell me he wouldn’t as she sleeps peacefully at his side

How could he make something so… delicate? Not in a bad way. I think he’d be scared of having a daughter because he can’t be soft. He’s never been soft for most of his life. Girls need softness, that he can’t give.

But he can!! He doesn’t realize but he likes it when she cuddles up to him on the couch when he’s trying to have a nap, laying against his chest, and he likes it when she brings him random drawings she makes, folding them and hiding them in his pockets only to take them out again when he undresses and leaving them in a drawer of his dresser with the rest of her drawings

Maybe he doesn’t take her to her first day of school or teaches her to ride a bike, but he’s for sure proud to see her on that bike riding down the street. That’s his babygirl

When she’s older he even shares late night drinks with her. He knows kids shouldn’t drink but his kids are teenagers and they aren’t pussies and if they’re gonna do it anyway better do it at home; he even enjoys the small silent moments sitting with her having a beer when she comes home from a friend’s party in one of those rare days where HM was off somewhere himself, and it’s only SB and his daughter at home; she sneaks in a bit later than usual, and as many times Ben is awake having a drink. He doesn’t yell at her for being out late, at least she got home safe, and when she sits down with him after grabbing a bottle for herself, he nods acknowledging her presence, and they enjoy the moment in silence

Now I need headcanons for how their relationship would be once SB comes back years later

okay this killed me like

pure tender moments between soldier boy and his little girl

i like the hc of mc and sb having these quiet moments where sb feels secure enough to be soft with his daughter.

them sharing mc's first drink together while hl is out on an assignment for vought.

sb probably thought about those times alot in russia :( and now he has a chance to capture them again. You're just a liiitttllle bit older than last time. and more jaded.

having nowhere else to go (like hell he was staying in that shitty motel), you'd grudgingly offered up your small office room in your apartment. butcher had also suggested it would be good for you to keep an eye on your dad to make sure he doesn't act out. you kinda felt like the parent now.

for the most part, he'd behave himself in the beginning. this was a great chance for him to get to know the person you've become.

but you still don't really know how to act around him, ya know what i mean? you've never dealt with the obvious childhood trauma you had. vought had onsight psychiatrists and therapists, but you wouldn't dare. that would be a sign of weakness.

so when you come home one night you find sb has actually set the table with microwave meal trays on your ceramic plates. they're those incredibly unhealthy meals he used to warm up for you and hl years ago. looked like he spent most of his allowance (you learned he would drink your own alcohol stash if he couldn't go out to buy his own) on a nice bottle of whiskey.

"i hope you're hungry babygirl." he smiles though it doesn't go past him the tenseness on your face as well as the bloodied knuckles you attempted to hide with your sleeve. "why don't you go wash up for dinner."

It was freaking you out. "okay. . ." and when you come back you awkwardly sit across the table from him. "whats the occasion?" you watch him fill your cup with the honey colored liquid.

"no occasion. we just haven't had time to talk, you and i. remember this brand? the same one i gave you for your first drink." he chuckles to himself. "even for your first time you tossed it back like a champ."

communicating with soldier boy had always been a struggle. "talk. . . about what exactly?"

"your life! all i know is that you're fucking that butcher guy and trying to kill your brother."

"it's more complicated than that." like you wanted to kill your brother. someone you had loved so much with all your heart, trusted like no one else. it ripped at you to be on an opposing side to him. you'd tried reasoning with him.

"then tell me."

and you do

and to everyone's surprise, sb IS trying his hardest to be a better father to you now though it's far too late.

oh, oh and think of the bar nights with you, sb and butcher cuz he insists on attempting to get along with him.

sb: "still have no idea what you see in him."

you: "well, nothing you can see with his clothes on at least 😏 😏"

sb: "😡"

butcher: *laughing*

best believe he's still unfortunately a misogynist no matter how hard you try to correct him 😓 and he still lacks a filter too so that's why you give him a taste of his own medicine by mentioning your sex life.

sb: oh my god stop talking about dick sucking!!! >:(((

you: you're the one who called him a cock sucker! if you call anyone that it should be me 🧐😆

sb:

[adamsrcnan]

okay i'll bite, here's my jeremy knox speculations !!!

it's nothing super outrageous in my opinion, as fun and interesting as that would be, but alas lets dig in.

with regards to the police, his step grandfather is a congressman which means his step father probably has political ties too. this could mean they have ties to the police force perhaps involved in funding or something?? hence why jeremy would be recognised by them bc he gets forced to go to these occasions to paint a perfect family picture and maybe they're full of cops?? and maybe that's just not something he wants to be associated with lmao. cannot blame him now can we?

rhemann tells jean he can ask jeremy to leave the vicinity if he wants to press charges and call the cops i don't think this is because jeremy could get in trouble or anything bc i don't think rhemann would risk that. i think it's just because him being there might have sway or might lead to more gossip among the force that jean would wanna avoid. and if rhemann knows about whatever this weird avoiding police thing is i'm not sure it would be something so horrible??

in terms of his past. personally i don't agree jeremy was aggressive as a teen. i read him talking about his high school team as more of a "they played that way. i didn't vibe with it. i wanted to make sure my college team wasn't the same" i mean it's basically what he says he doesn't imply anything else but again the guy is closed off as HECK so god knows. but i don't think jeremy has an aggressive tendency. i feel like, given how the foxes have their entire lives pried into, if jeremy had such a reputation in the past (being in a class 1 team and captain of it no less) it would be known. and jean would know bc of kevin's obsession. like that would be a huge scandal.

i don't think he's done anything crazy like murder or manslaughter or has any assault charge. although that screenshot i posted a couple days ago is very Very sus, i think it might stem from how his family makes him feel about himself. because again i don't think he'd be able to keep any of that hidden.

UNLESS it's been all swept under the rug thanks to the political ties from the step family, and maybe that's why they dislike him so much. but again i think it's all a bit far fetched bc i don't think jeremy would be able to be so well adjusted after something like that, even after attending therapy.

which brings me to my next point, which is where he mentioned his mother finding the therapist for him and his family as he says "us" when talking about it which means they all see this therapist and jean mentions jeremy does not seem bothered to be exposed for having to go to therapy. i think if he was in therapy bc he did something really terrible he wouldn't want it known. especially if it's meant to be swept under the rug. i think this is in relation to the mysterious brother and the possibility of losing them to suicide. as he becomes very serious when jean says he promised he wouldn't kill himself saying it's nothing to joke about. also his concern for jean's wellbeing after ravens start dropping like flies maybe bc he knows how the grief feels.

thought that could also be a far fetched speculation because jeremy says the fall banquet broke their family in half. it's obvious his step family and his older brother and younger sister are not on his side, his mother sounds questionable too. so maybe that just leaves his other brother and his father and again maybe it's just a case of them being supportive of jeremy's sexuality.

there's also a brief mention of jeremy's dad being stationed in europe - some kind of military man?? since his mother re-married there's definitely something there too. maybe jeremy still keeps in touch with his father and it's not appreciated by the rest of the family? idk this one's a bit of a stretch but i feel like it might crop up again. what with jeremy not wanting to be addressed as "knox" as well - is that his father's name or his step father's name??? why does he not like it??

moving on to the scandal at the fall banquet i think this has to do with jeremy getting outed for being gay. lucas before cutting himself off at the beach says "now that you're.." implying they didn't know before so maybe jeremy was keeping it under wraps but got involved with someone from another team (???) at the banquet and got caught. his step grandfather and step father, and brother are probably very conservative and of course did not agree with jeremy's "lifestyle" and i think this had consequences on the whole family as it probably got out and "tarnished" their image. jeremy was probably asked to give up exy so as not to get involved with all "that" and he obviously refused. punishment for that probably meant his sister not caring for his games anymore as he wouldn't compromise for her, him getting put on a strict allowance and his mother's bookkeeper having to keep up with his expenses bc he's only given a certain amount of money. maybe a way for them to take back control over his life?? it also could explain why he has to stay at home during the school year so they can keep an eye on him perhaps??? also him getting dismissed from the dinner table bc of his hair as well idk sounds like his family are probs homophobic. also kind of a stretch but mayyyybeee the reason jeremy feels so bad is because he got the person he was involved with into trouble so he feels like a terrible person. but again there's really no alluding to that or implication i'm basically just taking a wild guess. but i feel like it would make some sort of sense

TLDR; i think jeremy's big "scandal" was that he's gay and his step family are just not accepting so they make his life difficult on purpose and he struggles to stand up to them about it

[nethnix]

Therapist: So, tell me about your dream. You seem really shaken by it. Alfred: Well... first, there's a vampire who comes out and talks about "siezing the night". Then, these BDSM dancers pop out from under my bed? Then this hot blonde vampire (the son of the first one) brings out the girl I'm interested in, and at this point I'm like, crawling on the rafters trying to get a good look at her. And the blonde guy is basically like, "dude you should TOTALLY tap that" and I think "yeah, you're right" so I start to walk over to Sarah, only then the blonde guy's sexy dad pops right out of my bed! Before I can even dance with Sarah, he takes her and starts thrusting into her. And she's kind of into it honestly because I guess who wouldn't be, but she still runs back to me when I open my arms. Krolock isn't going to let that happen though, and he grabs her from me again while we're dancing, and I guess things get pretty tangled because sometimes I end up in his arms instead of holding Sarah. Then he even like, thrusts into me on the floor at one point, and Sarah has to watch while he bites me and I become a vampire? Also he exudes masculine energy as he steps over me. At that point I'm dying, and the hot blonde girl that Sarah's dad slept with starts singing a duet with the other hot blonde about feeling the night and living forever or something. Sarah is being really sweet now that I'm a vampire too; I have my head in her lap and she's smiling, and Krolock ISN'T there and it's perfect. Then she hugs me a little too tight and I guess I get excited, because after that I just keep thinking "wow her neck looks good and I'm completely in love with this woman," and the next thing I know Krolock is on my bed again and I kind of lift Sarah up to give to him. So he bites her on the bed (completely shirtless and completely chiseled btw, I forgot to mention that), then drops her to the floor where I bite the other side of her neck and it's super hot. I can feel my body pressed up against her and stuff. Then Krolock and I drag her body forward and we're in perfect unison, and the BDSM dancers from earlier drag Sarah away in a Jesus pose and put her back into my bed. At which point, I wake up. Alfred: So what does it mean, doctor?

[pascaloverx]

Sweet Love

Summary: You're an up-and-coming writer, congratulations. To protect your beloved job, you're willing to do anything. Even strike a deal with the devil, better known as your sister's neighbor. You and Dean Winchester don't really see eye to eye, but in a moment of desperation, you agree to collaborate with him for a greater good.

Author's Notes: Many characters do not belong to me but to the Supernatural Universe (2005-2020). I hope you enjoy the fanfic's story. The fanfic will contain strong language and adult content. Dear readers, I'm here to let you know that if you enjoy this fic, please engage with it. Comments and likes are welcome. I appreciate everyone who follows this fanfic. Anyway, enjoy this chapter.

chapter eight final chapter

CHAPTER NINE

Your need to be close to Dean is much greater than you imagined. Not only are you moving to live near him, but you are also going to live in the apartment above his. You thought a lot about it, concluding that even without being in a relationship with him, you still wanted to be close.

"You are aware that moving above your ex's place isn't really getting over him, right?" Sam Winchester says as he helps you with the moving boxes. The apartment you bought is already furnished, so you're just bringing your personal items to start getting organized.

"I'm not sure if your brother is my ex. But I do realize that it's not the best decision in the world to live in the same building where your brother and my sister live. But I've grown attached to the neighborhood." You don't want to admit the truth to Sam. After all, he is practically your brother-in-law. Saying that you don't want to be so far from Dean wouldn't seem right.

"My brother would love to know about your affection for the neighborhood. I have to be honest, I don't understand you two. But I know you care a lot about each other. I just fear that when you realize it, it will be too late. Where do you want me to put this box?" Sam says as you both climb the stairs. As soon as you reach the door of your new apartment, what he says seems to affect you.

"Do you think he'll find someone else?" you ask Sam, apprehensive. Despite knowing that Dean owes you nothing, you're not sure if you're ready to see him move on. Which, frankly, is idiotic. After all, it's you who is separating you two. Well, you and the fact that he has already slept with your sister.

"As far as I know him, no. But there's nothing stopping him. Which means you're taking a chance. I know he messed up, but I still think that the fact you're moving so close to him must mean part of you wants him." That's something you didn't expect: Sam playing your romantic therapist. Before you can say anything, you both watch a familiar figure step out of the elevator. Castiel, dressed all in white, looking like a celestial being. His outfit was stunning, almost like attire for a very fancy event. You and Sam exchanged glances, immediately remembering that Castiel was getting married.

"What are you doing here, Castiel?" Sam asks from behind you, causing Castiel to look at the two of you climbing the stairs. Castiel looks like he just ran a marathon, he’s so out of breath.

"I need to talk to your brother," Castiel says, then walks over to Dean's apartment door and knocks. You and Sam, curious, watch, but a bad feeling is blooming in your heart. Dean opens the apartment door a few seconds after Castiel knocks. He doesn't see you and Sam, only Castiel, who is facing him.

"Castiel, you should be getting married. What are you doing here?" Dean asks, surprised, and you and Sam exchange glances as if you're about to witness a movie plot twist scene.

"I should be getting married, but I couldn't. All I could think about was that you weren't there. That's when I realized I shouldn't marry Gabriel. Because I still feel something for you. Because I want you to be around for important moments. And I came here to find out if you feel the same." Castiel speaks to Dean tenderly. However, you feel like you're about to lose Dean forever. Unnoticed, your eyes fill with tears, but you couldn't dare to spoil this moment for Dean and Castiel. Perhaps they are meant for each other.

"I think it's best you come in so we can talk," you hear Dean say to Castiel, who immediately follows Dean into the apartment. Sam looks at you as if he already imagined you would be crying.

"If you want, I can keep carrying some boxes, and you can rest up there on your couch," Sam says gently, giving you a light pat on the head as if to comfort you.

"Sam, let's just finish taking the boxes upstairs," you say, walking towards your sister's apartment. You and Sam continue carrying the boxes, with you feeling downcast and hoping not to see Dean and Castiel together. They've been in Dean's apartment for quite some time now. When you finally finish bringing all your belongings to your new apartment, you feel a void filling your heart.

"Hey, don't feel like that. I can't be sure, but I don't think Castiel and Dean are getting back together right now," Sam's words are kind, but you need him to leave soon so you can mourn the loss of what could have been a future with Dean.

"Sam, I know you're speaking with kindness and concern. But I think I need a moment alone," you say, trying not to be rude. Sam nods in understanding. He gives you a hug before walking out the door, leaving you alone. And as soon as you're alone, you allow yourself to cry. The worst part is you can't even be upset. It seems your sister was right about something. You regret something, but not what she imagined. You regret pushing Dean away, leaving the path open for him to reignite his love with Castiel. Your crying, however, is interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Sam, I said I need a moment alone…" you say as you open the door, only to find Dean standing there. You don't understand why he's at your door.

"I'm not Sam, and frankly, I'm tired of leaving you alone," Dean says, looking at you, perhaps noticing your swollen face from crying or your sad expression.

"What are you doing here?" you ask, trying to compose yourself to appear less vulnerable. You don't want him to pity you or to hear about getting back together with Castiel.

"Proving that I know myself better than anyone. That I never called Castiel the love of my life because I knew that no matter how good our relationship was, he and I weren't meant for each other. I made a mistake, letting other people dictate how you saw me, afraid of how you'd react when you realized I never really found a love of my life. I tried with Castiel, used your sister to forget him, and for that, I bitterly regret it. But you're different. You make me think about what it's like to be committed to someone. Being with you is what I want now. I can't promise you'll be the love of my life, but I can guarantee I want to be with you. More than anything," Dean speaks with such certainty that you're almost left speechless. He truly cares for you, and you can't help but feel you're wasting a chance to be happy with him.

"I want you." It's all that comes out of your mouth, as naturally as any declaration of love could be. You don't expect him to say anything; you just approach him and kiss him. Throwing yourself into Dean's arms who hold you tight, you continue the kiss. His mouth devouring yours as if you were competing for who has more desire for the other. Dean holds you firmly by the waist, guiding you to the bedroom while you don't stop kissing. And as soon as you both enter the room, you're glad you installed a new bed. Tonight will be about you and Dean making up under the sheets.

[skaldish]

hey, I recently had to interact with an evangelical family member on thanksgiving (as in, I calmly listened and explained "my views and values differ from yours, but I appreciate you sharing your world view with me" while I was aggressively proselytized at for well over an hour; even by evangelical standards, this family member is aggressive about pushing his beliefs onto others).

I was raised atheist and don't usually have an issue with this; I don't believe in hell or divine punishment, but things he said keep popping into my head (like being called "the definition of being lost" for saying im agnostic— which is a half truth but he wouldn't be receptive to a full explanation). I'm tacking this down to a combination of evangelical thought poison and my anxiety disorder related habit of ruminating (which thankfully I'm working with a therapist on now).

I know you're passionate about the subject of cult thought and the likes and just wanted to know if you had any advice or thoughts re: getting cult thinking that doesn't align with your views or values to kindly edit your headspace.

hope you're well 💚

Apologetics. It's something every Evangelical learns, and it's a form of mind-control. They engage nonbelievers in religious debate and use it to covertly indoctrinate them.

Evangelicals spend years learning how to counter every argument, direct conversations towards specific points, compromise our mental reasoning through various means, and inject their logic into the vulnerable mind, which then festers on its own.

Apologetics is a masterstroke of manipulation, and one of the very few things I consider evil.

My best friend is ex-Evangelical and well-versed in Apologetics. A while back, they gave me an example of how it works (with my consent of course).

Now, I'm extremely good at entertaining ideas without adopting them. It's a skill I deliberately and constantly wield, almost subconsciously at this point.

There's no way I could do it. The more you think it over, the deeper it digs into your brain. All an Evangelical has to do is feed you enough information and your own thoughts will do the work from there.

My friend wasn't even simulating an actual instance of proselytizing; they framed things within the context of, "This is what they'd say." And yet I could literally feel my mind tunnel at the logic, burrowing its way deeper every time I thought, "But what if...?"

I did throw it, though. The way I shook it off was Occam's Razor: "Simpler explanations are more likely to be correct."

Evangelical philosophy is too complex to be statistically probable compared to other frameworks. It even compensates for this by portraying itself as the only safe bet in a high-stakes game. But the reason we find it so compelling is because it makes us fear for our survival. It's the same fear we get when we hear rustling in the bushes when there's a predator around...only this time the tiger is something we can't know. Regardless, our lizard-brains will always take a false positive over a false negative in those situations, and will try to do so if it succumbs to the existential dread. This evil, perfect storm is what drives people to convert.

I've seen many forms of mental manipulation, but Apologetics is a weapon unlike any other.

So here's my advice to you and everyone else:

When it comes to the Evangelical debate game, the only winning move is not to play.

Do everything you can do avoid the topic of religion in conversation, and make a concentrated effort to give it as little breathing room as possible. Bring up a different topic. Say "no thanks" and move on. Ask questions about secular things. Ignore the religious content peppered within statements. Be cordial, but never ever let up on that boundary.

I don't know your relative, but I do know Evangelicals never respond well when denied a platform. They may try to persuade, provoke, trick, or guilt you into giving it to them, so be prepared to hold your ground if you have to interact with them. If all else fails, excuse yourself from the conversation.

Remember: It's not rude to hold a boundary. Don't let anyone convince you that it is.

[red-apples-stuff]

Draken being supporting with his s/o recovering from CSA. (HCS)

Requested

Fandom: Tokyo Revengers

Pair: Draken x Reader (Gender wasn't mentioned in here)

Genre: Hurt/Comfort.

TW: Mentioning about sexual child abuse, depression, anxiety, panic attacks and nightmares.

Note: There is a possibility of writing mistakes, oops.

He knew something was off about you. Since the beginning of your relationship...hell, since you two were just friends.

He saw how you always flinched and jumped, scared, at the smallest movements around you.

And how you always move away when he wanted to touch you in any way.

He could feel that you hide something and could see your sadness behind every fake smile of yours.

Your depression and anxiety never went unnoticed by him

As much as he wanted to know what happaned and try to help, he didn't pushed it. Because he knew you will come to him when you felt ready.

Draken never doubted your trust in him, ofc. You just needed time, time he was willing to give you as much as you need.

When you finally opened up to him about your past, he was furious...

But tried to keep a calm face as best as he could, so the situation wouldn't aggravate.

"When I was around 8 years old, I got sexually abused by one of my dad's friends... He..." you started sobbing before going into too much details about this, and Draken took your hand into his

This was pretty much the only touch you were fully comfortable with by now without being startled, but just with him

"You don't have to go into details if you don't feel like. Your dad knows about this?" "No...I never told anyone before..." "Thank you for trusting me with such thing..."

From that day on, he became a little too protective with you.

He will keep an eye out on anyone who's interacting with you, wanting to be sure you are not uncomfortable or scared.

And God save the person who dares to touch you without your consent, especially inappropriately and made you trembling in fear, because it's literally over. He will be ready to fight them.

When you are not around, of course. He doesn't want to scare you more.

Draken also knows that there's also a possibility of you having nightmares or panic attacks, and he can't always be there for you

So he'll sneak in some of his shirts in your room when he is over at your place, so you could have something with you when you need comfort

You catch his gesture rapidly, and now always choose go to sleep in his clothes.

When the smell disappears from those shirts, you very subtle, not exactly, bring this up to him...

"The shirts doesn't smell like you anymore..." "Huuuh? What's that supposed to mean??" He'll bring you other shirts of his anyway, don't worry ;)

Also, Draken will try slowly to convince you to seek professional help... He won't push it, of course.

When you will finally think that you are ready to go to a therapist, but still feel extremly nervous about this, Draken will be like "Do you think it will help to ease your nerves if I'll go with you for some sessions?"

If you accept, then he'll do it without hesitation. Anything for you.

When you're struggling with opening up in the first sessions with your therapist, Draken will gently squeez your hand... basically his way of saying "Everything is gonna be ok. You're safe now."

After a while, you finally start going on these appointments alone, and Draken is super proud of you.

All in all, he will always be there for you and support you, help you as much as he can with your panic attacks, and will be careful with how he touches you every time, even after starting to heal.

He doesn't want anything bad to happen to you ever again, so be ready for having a 24/7 bodyguard. :))))

[moriitis]

BloodLust. Ticci Toby x Fem Reader.

Chapter One. MINORS DNI 18+

TRIGGER WARNING AHEAD! [Y/N] -> Your Name. | Word count : 5185

MASTERLIST !! ——————————————————————————————————————

You never really gave it much thought as to how you would die. You knew it would be one day. Old age perhaps, in a care home surrounded by the people that loved you, a family you had created, who sobbed and grieved the loss of such a woman as yourself. Nobody really thinks about the way they would die, life too wrapped up to even consider it. But as your head bled profoundly, making it harder and harder to even think, the warmth of the red liquid draining your very body, it was starting to become a reminder that maybe your death wouldn't be as peaceful as you had imagined, maybe then you wouldn't be laying on the floor thinking about the ultimate end in the first place. Who thinks about death last minute other than a dying person, right? Because this is what you had planned on what was such a peaceful Wednesday night.

It all started with headaches, nosebleeds, memory loss and soon enough, you could only put the blame on your crippling mental health. You went to countless doctor appointments, complaining about each symptom and their only response was to drug you up on whatever pill they had on hand. With the fear that maybe in reality, you were spiralling, you followed orders and downed a handful of each separate pill from each separate bottle until you found yourself most nights knocked out on the couch.

'I'm going to get better, this was just the start.' Is what you told yourself when you began to notice things in the corner of your eyes, when you felt an uneasy feeling of someone watching you and now you were arranging appointments for better security systems inside your home. But when was it going to get better, when the letters began appearing under your door? Love notes of someone confessing themselves to you or when they would send you pictures of you inside your own home, asleep or even getting dressed. You see, feeling better wasn't something that you could convince yourself so easily because the stress of it all snapped and got you. Losing weight was another step, then you could've sworn your hair was falling out and one night, you found yourself in the hall of your apartment complex, having no memory of it at all.

And now you were here, on your wooden floor, dying and desperately trying to fix your blurred vision in an attempt to call for some kind of help. You didn't fall, no, you couldn't have, because you felt the weight of something smack you around the head before you could even collapse.

———————————————-

"I'm dropping out of school." The table around you suddenly grew quiet, your father's lips were pursed like he wanted to say something but before he even could, your mom was already throwing her cutlery down onto her plate. "You're what?" She said and before she could even give you a chance to explain yourself, she was off. "What? What do you mean? You were doing better? Your therapist told us! Everything changed, what happened?! What do you mean dropping out?! You devoted your life to this." "My therapist told you..?" you mumbled softly, letting your gaze drop to your plate. The food was barely touched, the chicken had been picked at from the nerves of even letting this conversation arise and you'd drank at least three full glasses of water before you could bring up this very topic.

Admittedly, you knew medical school wasn't going to work out, it was too much stress load on your shoulders and you desperately needed a more stable job to push through actually paying your rent on time. Med school was unrealistic and simply put, you gave up.

"You can't drop out! You put so much of yourself out there for this, we were so proud of you-" "You were? So what, I drop out and now I'm nothing of a deadbeat daughter, right?" This happened way too regularly, you went round your parents house for dinner and one way or another, you'd wound up in an argument about some useless shit that more than likely would be forgotten about by tomorrow. "Now you know, that is not what I meant," your mom spoke in a stern voice and with your dad now awkwardly in the middle, he slowly poked his chicken breast with his fork as he listened in to what was unfolding around him. "I need some time to myself, I need to go back to therapy, ideally a therapist that doesn't hand out private information to their clients parents." With that, you took one mouthful of chicken and chewed momentarily before standing and grabbing your jacket that hung on the back of your chair. Your mom followed suit in standing, your dad just about but by the time he actually stood you were already by the door with your jacket slipped around one arm and moving to the next. Your mom grabbed your shoulder and pulled you, abruptly holding you hostage for a moment as you turned to face her. Her one soft features had wrinkled given time, her hair had a few strands of odd white ones that she desperately tried to hide with cheap hair dye but no matter what, you could always see it poking through. Seeing your mom growing old was that reminder that life wasn't going to stop and wait until you made up your mind about things, about how you wanted to live your life and leaving med school seemed like a better idea in your head when you thought about it for weeks on end.

"Your therapist spoke to us because you are our daughter, it is our duty as parents," there was a waver in her voice, like an array of emotions were showing through that you couldn't read off her face so well. Being her only daughter, you brought more stress upon this woman than you would've liked too but your relationship with your mom was always a pretty messy one. Hell, one time you refused to speak to each other for a month because of how stubborn you both were. "Bullshit," you spat, your lips wobbled into a frown as your head began to shake, you could hear the way each lie laced her very voice. "You palmed off some money to her, didn't you? I'm not an idiot." And there it was, your mothers silence which could only confirm your guilt. "I'm leaving, see you another time."

As you finished peeling your jacket on, you turned the handle to the door and stepped out into the cold air. Autumn, a couple months prior to your attack. Cold, wet, dreary, the best weather in your opinion. As you walked down the porch steps of your mom's house, the security light switched on as it alerted your presence and there, just out front you could see your car. It was a scrap of metal, nothing amazing, nothing expensive but it worked and really, that was all you needed. You could feel the eyes of your mom lingering on your very being as you got into the car and slammed the door shut. Truth be told, if she wasn't standing at the door watching you as intently as she was now, you would've probably been punching your steering wheel for even allowing yourself into this very position in the first place. Glancing over at your mom, your heart throbbed for a moment and you sucked in a steady breath before giving her a gentle wave, pushing the key into the ignition and letting your crappy car roar to life. That was something you never did, leave on bad terms. Fuck, mom could've dropped dead tomorrow and the last time you spoke to her was about some petty argument.

The drive back to your apartment was slow, you could've sworn luck was not on your side tonight because you were hitting every damned red light imaginable along the way. Just as your pulled up at the parking of your apartment block, a light drizzle of rain started and that was enough to tell you already that you should hit the hay and call it a day. Stepping up the stairs of the building block, you turned and headed toward the direction of your door. Considering you were short of money already, the apartment block wasn't a great one. The neighbours were loud, the carpet of the halls felt sticky every time you stepped on it and your mail would always end up disappearing or ending up in someone's else's mailbox. It was whatever though, right? You had an apartment, a tv, bed and the basic needs like a toilet and shower. What it was. If you could get some work, all you needed was to put some money aside in your savings to hopefully find somewhere better.

Fumbling with the keys in hand, you found the right one and lifted it to push it inside the lock of your door before the sound of anther door opening on your right caught your attention. Anne. She was probably the only neighbour you liked, she was kind and sweet, the occasional arguing you could hear in her apartment was questionable but really, you never found yourself asking her about it because it was her business what happened behind her apartment door. "Hey," she called out and immediately you turned to her, giving a soft brief smile. You were not in the mood for a chat and Anne didn't seem like she was in the best spot either. There were bags under her eyes and she seemed exhausted. "Hi," you replied, short and quick, hoping that maybe she'd get the hint you weren't in much of a talkative mood. "Got something for you." That raised enough interest from you and your head perked up a little, a brow raised in a questioning manner. Before you could give a soft hum, she disappear momentarily like she was fishing for something behind her door and soon she reappeared. It was an envelope, a brown one exact and it looked like your name was written pretty poorly on it, like a child had done it. "What's this?" you found yourself asking as you reached out to take it from her hand. Anne gave a shrug. "Dunno, was in your letter box. Thought I'd save you the effort of looking. Don't worry, I didn't open it, just wanted to hold onto it for you." A kind enough gesture, sure, but did she really have to go through your mail box? Seriously, your mail boxes need keys and locks or something to prevent this from happening. Maybe Anne was just trying to be neighbourly, sure. With a soft smile, you held it up and approached back to your door before pushing it open with your foot. "Thanks, Anne."

Flicking the lights on and pulling the keys out the lock of the door, you used your back to close it behind you and immediately your interest was diverted to that brown envelope. Who the fuck was sending you mail? With no return address either? Not only that, it looked like a kid had written your name on the front. There was slight hesitation as you flipped it around to open it, like a sort of feeling you get when there's paranoia of impending doom. Before you could let your mind ponder on it for any longer, you decided to rip it open and pull out the contents. It was a white letter, folded and as you began to pull it from the envelope itself, you could see what looked like sharpie marks that had bled through the white paper. Narrowing your eyes for a moment, your heart was thumping. Why? Why were you so scared?

'Don't be so angry at your mom.' The letter wrote, the same, sloppy handwriting that was written on the envelope to begin with and now your heart was really pounding. This was recent, too recent, like half an hour recent, surely? You just left your moms house, there was no way you saw anybody near your moms house and how did they know you were pissed at her? Questions flood your mind in a state of panic and now you felt your heart in your ass. Flipping the paper, frantically to look for more answers, you were left in the dark. Why were your hands trembling? Dropping the letter on the small table by the door, you swung it open and immediately began marching to Annes door. She had to have been connected to this, she took your mail to begin with. This all wasn't making sense as your fist began to pound frantically against the wood of her door. There was a beat of nothing, your foot tapping impatiently before you began to hound her door again. The fifth knock and suddenly the door swung open. Not all the way so you could look inside her apartment, just a fraction so her head and face were just about visible and squished between the door itself and the wall next to her.

"Holy, you okay? Knocking pretty-" You cut her off, there was no time for blatant chit chat. "That letter. Who gave it to you?" you were talking so fast that it felt like your words were slurring and your cheeks felt red, like the sheer panic was hitting you harder than you could've imagined. Was it really this big of a deal? Were you overreacting? Before your mind could blurt out more questions at Anne's face, your noticed her nose bleeding and suddenly you felt like an asshole for not noticing it sooner. "Holy shit, your nose, you're bleeding." Anne lifted a finger quickly to touch her upper lip before taking a glance at her finger, like she was suspicious to even believe you. "Yeah, it happens a lot." Anne forced a smile, a smile you could so plainly see through and before you could begin hounding her with questions again, her face disappeared and you found the door closing on you. Shoving a foot between the door, it stopped abruptly before Anne's face reappeared. She looked desperate, a look that almost screamed like she needed help and yet, you were so oblivious to notice. "Anne," you urged, the desperation laced your voice and she didn't hesitate to notice the state that you were in but it wasn't like she reacted in any way, that same, eery smile was plastered across her face. "That letter, where did it come from?" Anne's lip trembled, like she was about to burst into tears and she quickly shook her head. "I'm sorry," she spoke in a hushed whisper, like people were listening to her and she was frantically looking up and down the hall in a paranoid manner. "I had to, I had to, otherwise they wouldn't leave me alone, I had no choice, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Your face contorted into one of confusion, everything she was saying made no sense, neither her mannerisms and how she was reacting. Your eyes were searching for a hopeless answer and quickly, Anne used her own foot to push yours out from her door and there your answer remained, with the door slammed shut in your face, leaving you to stare at the designs of the wood, speechless and lost.

Raising a hand, you ran it through your hair and felt the tremble. You knew this place was weird, but what the fuck was that? You hesitated, almost wanting to knock again and demand answers but now your brain was running through the words she spoke, desperately searching for a clue, an answer. Little did you know, it had already ended for Anne. She was only passing this problem onto you and it all started with that brown envelope.

Weeks passed and then months, nobody had heard from Anne. The sound of her tv which was heard through your paper thin walls of the apartment was now silent, the soft arguing that sometimes broke out was now naught and you couldn't help but think back on that night where you hounded her for questions. The hopeless apologies she gave you, the desperation in her voice and the way her nose started to bleed almost out of nowhere. A part of you couldn't help but feel it was your fault, for almost harassing her over what seemed like nothing now. Sure, the letter was creepy but it actually didn't feel like that big of an issue in the long run. You hadn't received anymore letters and you had just about managed to convince yourself it was nothing but a prank.

Your worries for Anne only increased when each time you left your apartment, there was a smell that lingered and burned at your nostrils. It was foul. putrid, enough to make you want to heave and each time, you had to pull your shirt up and over your nose to try and block out the smell. Maybe it was a plumbing issue, which wouldn't be a surprise considering this place was a shit hole but the smell lasted for weeks, to the point where your concerns and worries for Anne only increased. It had been almost two months now and as you laid in bed, the smell was drifting almost under your door and hitting you in the face. It was a smell you couldn't even pinpoint, a smell that made you shiver. The only way you could really describe it was like rotting garbage except there was a hint of fruity, rotting undertones. Had the animals gotten at the garbage outside? No, that smell had to be lingering from Anne's apartment and another week of this shit, you were gonna call quits. Pushing the covers off your torso, you slid your feet off the bed and reached out for your phone. It was on the bedside cabinet and the bright light of the screen as you unlocked it hit your tired eyes harder than imagined. You opened up the dial pad and let your fingers hit 911. You hesitated, your gaze glossing over at the time at the top of your phone. It was late and if Anne was okay, this would be a pretty shitty wake up call for her. Your gut was telling you otherwise and soon enough, you found yourself on the phone reporting the crime.

Crime. Your mind was wandering now as they call responder was speaking but it was falling upon deaf ears. Was this a crime? You bit your lip and found yourself hanging up shortly after they confirmed that officers were on your way. Going back to sleep now would be a shitty thing to do and you were wide awake, so you picked up a crappy shirt that had holes and bleach marks scattered across it before slipping it on and over your frame. You took a moment to rub the sleep from your eyes before emerging from your room, taking in the surroundings of what your apartment looked like before heading to grab a glass of water. The water was short lived, you felt so sick at the smell that you could find yourself tasting it with each sip you took so decided to settle with leaving it on the kitchen counter. As you leant against the counter of the kitchen, something caught your attention. Right there, on the coffee table that sat in your living room was that brown envelope. You froze for a moment. You threw that shit out, you were certain of it and now it was sat in your living room? Cautiously, you flicked on the lights to illuminate the living area before stepping over to the coffee table. The brown wrapping of the envelope was pristine, like it had never been torn and you reached down to pick it up and flip it over. It had been torn and upon pulling out the contents, it was the same letter you have received the night you confronted Anne about it. Now you felt a little crazy, why was it here? You hadn't seen it in months and now it turns up again, a little reminder that it happened and that you shouldn't forget about it.

There was a soft knock on your door and you felt your frame jump at the noise, quickly and almost carelessly dropping the envelope down onto the counter before approaching the door to open it. Two officers stood, tall and a little damp from what you assumed was from the light rainfall that was pattering against your window. The first officer that was closest to the door had almost buzzcut hair, a light shade of brown and his partner behind him had more longer hair but tied into a bun. They already seemed repulsed by the smell and it was a relief almost that you weren't the only one who noticed it. "Evening, ma'am," the officer who stood closer to the door spoke and you gave a small nod to acknowledge them. "Next door, you smell it too, I can tell by your face. Look, I don't know, maybe a welfare check or something?" you felt a small urge like plea in your voice, like you actually cared about Anne despite your not so frequent interactions with one another. The officer gave a nod, turning to look at the direction of where Anne's door was. "Know much about her?" the officer with the man bun spoke now and you felt yourself awkwardly fidgeting with the bottom of your shirt. "Her names Anne, she's probably like.. late twenties I think? We don't speak much," you paused, there was hesitation and the officers took note of that. The envelope, what she said to you, you pursed your lips and gave a shrug. "That's all I know." The first officer who knocked gave a nod and turned to his partner. "Let's give a knock, no answer and we'll break down the door. That smell.." his voice lingered and his partner spoke up. "Only smelt it once at a suicide." That stuck with you and your jaw clenched. Suicide? Was he saying this smell was.. a dead person?

Unsure on what to do, you watched and listened intently before the officer closest gave you a nod. "We'll take it from here," he said with a reassuring smile before stepping away. You hesitated, not closing the door as you heard them knocking and calling out for her name not far. You felt conflicted, would it be wrong to wait around and take a peek inside her apartment? Turning, you walked back to your room to slip on some shorts and make yourself at least half decent before sliding on some sliders and stepping out from your apartment. You left the door open for now, seeming as you were pretty close and let your arms wrap around your frame in an attempt for some warmth. The first cop withdrew his gun and giving a nod to his partner, his friend did the same and quickly they kicked the door down. The smell was like nothing now the door was open and you found yourself gagging, eyes watering and you had to step away, attempting to wave a hand in front of your face in a desperate attempt for some clean, fresh air. The officers were more than appalled too but they reacted better than you had and began to step inside. Curiosity nagged at you, harder than anything and you found yourself taking slow steps toward the door of her apartment to peek inside.

It was dark and as the first cop tried the light switch, it was evident her power was out. Had she packed up and left? Maybe the smell was just rotting food from her fridge she forgot to clean out? But then you glanced at the side, where the shoe rack was and there was an array of beautiful shoes. From red heels, to grubby sneakers and wedgies that had a little bow on top. A little snippet of Anne's life you never bothered to put interest into. As you edged closer, you could see that now the cops were using flashlights and that was when you saw it. No, not it, Anne. A bloated corpse, her red hair tangled, her arms above her head as she laid on the floor by her coach. It looked like she was leaking body fluids as there was a soft, brown line around her body and only now, it explained the smell more than anything. Throwing your hands up to your mouth, you just couldn't peel your eyes away. There was so much to look at. Maybe it was that she was actually missing facial features, maybe it was the endless and endless amounts of paper that were scattered across her floor, wall and table. Drawings of some kind, etchings, there were writings too but you couldn't make it out and it wasn't until you glanced at the counter in her kitchen, you noticed something too familiar.

A brown envelope, neatly tucked just above the endless amounts of paper and your heart was thumping. You could feel it in your chest, there was a lump in your throat and now suddenly, with the excess of saliva building up in your throat, you were running back to your apartment begging and hoping you would make the toilet in time to throw up. Your throat burned at the acid, your eyes watering as you tried to erase that imagine of Anne in your mind and now the guilt was eating away at you more than you could've imagine. You had to look again, you just had to and now you found yourself wiping your mouth clean and stepping back out your apartment to glance back in. There was no sign of struggle, but who the fuck bludgeoned her face beyond recognition? You peeled your eyes away, a hand pressed to your forehead in disbelief. The first smell you should've called in, you should've knocked and checked before this happened. Her words now were repeating in your mind.

'I had to, otherwise they wouldn't leave me alone. I'm sorry.'

Who was they? Was she murdered? Your forehead grew sweaty and as you found yourself gazing down the hall, your mind an array of questions and 'what ifs,' you saw a door open a couple doors down and it caught your attention. You wouldn't say you were well acquainted with all your neighbours, but you could always point out a new face when you saw one and that was just it. You've been in this apartment complex for at least nearly two years now and you hadn't once noticed this stranger who was emerging from an apartment down the hall. Had you completely missed that he had moved in? Narrowing your eyes, you noticed tuffs of messy brown hair and his same, almost piercing brown eyes glaring back at you. There was something about his eyes, or the way he was looking at you in general that made you feel a pang of anxiety deep in the pit of your stomach and you swallowed back the urge to heave again. "Hey..!" you called out, now wasn't the time for introductions, sure, but you had to at least confide in a neighbour, right? You found yourself approaching and now this guy was at least taller than you, which already made you regret your decision to approach in the first place. As you grew closer, you saw the door quickly coming to a close and you reached your hand out to stop it. "Hey-" you said again, a little softer and friendlier this time before a voice cut you off. "N—.. Not interested, lady-.." You narrowed your eyes, that was pretty rude so you pressed again, not letting that door get shut in your face. "You smelt it too, didn't you? It's not hard to miss-" before you could even finish your sentence, the door swung open and you nearly fell flat before catching yourself with your foot.

The guy inside emerged, tall, maybe just about pushing six foot even and he had brown, messy hair. There were visible bags under his eyes and he was so pale, like he never left his apartment. Your eyes immediately noticed the gauze on the side of his face, covering just the corner of his lip and cheek and you pulled your eyes away to not seem rude. He took a look at you, his jaw clenched and he peered back down the hall. The officers had emerged and it seemed they were calling for some more units on the scene. Your gaze followed momentarily but you quickly looked back at him, it was hard to even catch a peek of what was inside his apartment as everything was dark. Not much of a surprise considering it was late. "Sh— Shame.. isn't it?" he spoke, his voice was husky and you noticed the the way he stammered and occasionally almost ticked as he stood in his doorway. You narrowed your eyes questioningly. "Well, she obviously k-k.. killed herself." His words hurt harder than you imagined. "How do you know-" you were cut off again. "I j-j-just moved in," he seemed pretty bothered by something, you could maybe only assume it was his stammer. Then he clicked and his head twitched, you tried to ignore it. "Toby." There was no handshake and awkwardly, you shuffled in your spot. Pursing your lips, you forced a friendly smile. This was a weird night. "Y/N." Toby finally forced a smile but it didn't seem very inviting, it was the opposite and now you felt a little uneasy. "I should go sleep, work in the morning.." you mumbled. You were unemployed, that was just an excuse to get out of this guys weird fucking aura. "S-S-S-.." he clenched his jaw, clearing his throat. "Sure."

Feeling his eyes on you, you turned and walked back to your apartment. Who the fuck was that guy and why was he giving super weird, creepy vibes? Before you stepped inside your apartment, you glanced at Anne's door and your heart twinged a little. You felt so.. guilty and upset but you could only hope morning would give more answers to the endless questions you were going to plague yourself with. Shooting a glance back up at Toby, he quickly slammed his door shut and you felt that pang of uneasiness again. As you dragged your feet in and shut your own door behind you, taking note to lock it, your eyes slowly creeped back to that envelope. Before you could consider the endless possibilities of how this thing ended back up inside your apartment, you felt something drip down your upper lip and hit your shirt. It was warm and instinctively, you raised a finger to press against your lip.

It was blood.