#this is the dumbest thing i've ever written and i love it

[wolfofcelestia]

MDNI

Zayne, Dawnbreaker, Foreseer x MC

Breeding

NoStoryOnlyIdea.jpg

Disclaimer: The only exposure to Foreseer I’ve had is from secret times so he is VERY OOC!! Ignore all background plot regarding him!! This isn't about canon accuracy, this is about fucking around with three Zaynes!!

>>> Do not take any of this seriously lmao

Zayne used his surgical knots on MC to tie her wrists to the bed posts at her request

Z: “I knew you were insatiable but I wasn’t expecting a request like this. Are you sure you want to go through with this?”

MC: “I love you and want to feel more of you. Now I can.”

FS: “Meaning you weren’t enough for her, Doctor. Once I’m done with her, I’m afraid you’ll never be enough for her.”

Zayne shot MC a look that told her exactly how he felt about Foreseer but he kept his mouth shut. He was doing this for her and once she was satisfied, they would disappear from their lives

MC flashed Zayne a smile that was half apologetic, half appreciative of what he was willing to put up with

DB: “Do you really want to bear my child?”

Dawnbreaker sounded almost lost, completely unaware of MC’s lust, Foreseer’s rivalry, and the Doctor’s exasperation of his wife’s whims

Z: “Considering what she wants and considering we share the same DNA, the child’s father would be all three of us.”

Zayne sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He still couldn't believe this was happening. This whole situation was completely absurd

FS: “DNA may tell you one thing, but would you be happy raising a child knowing your wife begged for me to impregnate her?”

Foreseer was the very embodiment of Zayne’s smugness and seeing it in front of him made him look away, again shooting a look at MC

Dawnbreaker didn't say anything, but a black ice shard began growing in his hand, seemingly to appear when his emotions were triggered by Foreseer's words

MC caught sight of this and called out his name, fearing this night of indulgent pleasure would end in death

MC: “Zayne!”

All three of them immediately turned their attentions to her, like trained dogs obeying their master. Despite being tied to the bed, she was unquestionably the one in charge of the bickering trio

The ice shard quickly disappeared from Dawnbreaker's hand and he shifted his body away from her, adjusting his tie awkwardly as he dealt with the guilt of upsetting MC, even just a little bit

Z: "Let's just get this over with so we can get rid of them."

There was a clear sense of unease in Zayne's voice as he spoke to MC. It was kind of hard to know how to act when you had two other versions of yourself right in front of you. And your wife wanted all three of you to fill her up until her body had no choice but to accept one of their seeds to conceive

FS: "I agree. Enough talk. This night will be very long and I intend for you to never forget the feeling of me making you cry out again and again tonight."

Z: "Did you think I was going to just let you monopolize her? Once you're spent, I'll show you how to satisfy her."

FS: "Look, she's already so pliant under my touch. You've been waiting for me, haven't you?"

As Zayne and Foreseer competed for control and positions with MC, Dawnbreaker stood back, a whirlwind of shock, hurt, and disbelief swirling in his mind

It was only when MC looked past Zayne and Foreseer to lock eyes with Dawnbreaker that he finally, slowly, hesitantly... approached the bed

[mermaidsirennikita]

always wild to see people freak out over dark romance novels when you know they're also like... Spuffy shippers? or something along those lines?

I mean, I have no issue with that lmao, I've had ships that are on the same level, but I don't know, it's just like... are you romanticizing the thing you're shipping to the point that you don't recognize its own darkness, or are you fully aware of that and just knowingly hypocritical?

[banannabethchase]

I am very generously not saying Victorian AU and instead saying HangMox meetcute at a dogpark. Up to you if they're the people or the dogs making it so their owners meet a la 101 Dalmatians.

If I were capable of writing a Victorian AU, I would wrangle it. Unfortunately, my bachelor’s in European History did not give me any skills other than efficient arguing and the ability to go, “Actually it’s gay because ____” regardless of the context.

~

Adam watches in paralyzed horror as Strawberry pees directly on the other dog. He can’t move. Like a car crash, all he can do is watch.

“Your dogs pissin’ on mine,” says the other guy, frowning.

“I’m so sorry,” Adam says, voice tight. “I – she’s never done this before.”

“Nah, it’s – lots of dogs piss on Brick.” The man nudges at his dog, who is sleeping soundly through the hubbub. “Brick, buddy, you gotta be more assertive.”

Brick lazily opens his eyes and looks up at his owner, then goes back to sleep.

Adam, despite the fact that it’s probably rude, laughs. Alright, it’s more of a giggle. “I’m sorry,” he gasps. “Just. Your dog is so fucking bored by all of this.”

“I know!” says the other man. “I don’t get it! Like, how do you explain to a fuckin’ dog that getting pissed on by another dog should be something he reacts to?”

Adam shrugs. “I don’t know. But there is a hose down the path, a ways. We can hose off Brick.”

The guy sighs. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” Strawberry walks up to the other dog owner and sits primly, looking up at the guy with eager eyes. “What’s his name?”

“Her name is Strawberry,” Adam says. “She likes pets, if you’re cool with it.”

“Course I’m cool with it, what kinda dick do you think I am?” He drops to his knees and lets Strawberry lick all over his face. “What a good girl, aren’t you? Be an even better girl if you didn’t piss all over my dog.”

Adam turns his attention to Brick, who continues to sleep.

“I know your dog’s name,” Adam says, “but not yours. What do I call you?”

The guy, still on the ground, looks up and grins. “You can call me anything you want. But my name’s Mox.”

[woulddieforloki]

out-of-context snip-it from my fic

“I know; Romanoff’s kept me updated,” Fury says.  “Of course she did,” Tony deadpans. “Is there anything she doesn’t tell you?” “If there is, she hasn’t told me.”

[jamil-s-wifey]

If you're taking any scenario request. Maybe could I request funny/silly one where Leona and his S/O are married and live in the Royal Palace. Leona's S/O has gotten lost somehow in their own home and when found their response is "This place is too damn big I'm sorry!"

You have NO idea how much I love these types of fics! Wholesome crackheadedness at its finest✨ We love a spouse with 0 orientation skills. (I'd know, I get lost in supermarkets) This was ONE OF THE FUNNIEST THINGS I've EVER written. I hope you enjoy!

"What the actual fuck."

A turn here. A turn there.

Oh, would you look at that - the exact same vase you passed 5 minutes ago. But was that really the same vase? Or was it its evil twin, trying to further confuse you, only for you to get lost even more and die of starvation, eventually BECOMING ONE WITH THE PALACE...

God, whoever built this palace should have their head on a stake. Haha, that sounded a lot like the Red Queen of Hearts. Perhaps Riddle was rubbing off on you. You two did text occasionally since graduating from NRC.

Speaking of graduation, you married Leona. (yay!) And it's not like you weren't happy. Life was relatively peaceful. You two moved back to the palace. Arrangements had begun for you two to take over a certain part of Sunset Savannah, as something akin to a *Peerage. (They had their own name for it, you are currently far too annoyed to remember.) A lot of (semi-forced) communication set the road to reconciliation between the two brothers. (Admittedly a very long road. A road that puts Gulliver's travels to shame.) The Royal Family™️ accepted you with open hearts. (albeit a tad wary at first)

Really there was only one major problem.

The ROYAL PALACE IS LIKE A GODDAMN LABYRINTH. And that's rich, given your history of painting the white roses with Ace and Deuce in Heartsabyul's maze. So here you are, lost.

Scratch that.

Lost: again.

And all you wanted to do was find Cheka's room. You had a gift for the little cub.

"An architectural masterpiece, my ass. This is an architectural disaster. A disaster with a capital D. D for Vitamin D - what I won't be getting, because I'm trapped within these walls, where the SUN CAN'T REACH ME-"

Okay. Calm down. It's not that bad, sure there isn't a soul in sight, but you're bound to stumble upon somebody at some point, right? There had to be servants, or guards, or somebody! UNLESS! This is all an elaborate plan to get rid of you.

Aha! That must be it. The Royal Family wants you dead and they intend to make it seem like an accident! But Leona wouldn't allow that, right? He loves you! Dearly! You're his spouse, his one and only! Ah, cruel fate.

Is it just you...or are these walls moving in on each other. So this IS an assassination attempt! And you presented yourself on a silver platter. Good job, s/o. Splendid work. A royal for a few months and you're already about to be assassinated. Your name shall remain the book of "Dumbest ways to die." Goodbye cruel world-

"S/o."

Leona's voice rang through the empty hallway, "What are you doing out here."

Ah! And so tragedy was avoided once more!

"Leona, my LOVE! Thank God."

"Did you just- get lost in the palace... again?", his eyes read annoyance but his tone was teasing.

"It's not MY fault this place is so damn big, what do you need all this space for anyways? Indoor badminton? Hide and Seek or Die?"

"Definitely that last one. That's how we get rid of our enemies."

"AHA! I knew it! So this IS an assassination attempt!"

He simply rolled his eyes, pulling you towards him to wrap an arm around your waist and kiss you on the forehead.

"This isn't an assassination attempt. You did this yourself. It's called idiocy."

"You should build a better palace."

"What I should do is put a collar on you. With a tracking device on it. Like a pet."

"Oh, Leona~ Who knew you were into that~"

"Next time I'm leaving you here to rot."

"Then I'll haunt you to Hell and back."

He smirked, pinching your cheek as you were both making your way far from the cursed looping corridor.

"At least you won't be able to get lost."

"I told you, it's not my fault."

"Nah, of course not. The Palace is just cursed."

"EVIDENTLY."

You both knew this isn't the last time you'll be getting lost. And Leona was seriously considering the tracking device.

Perhaps he'd already ordered it too.

You were about to find out.

*Peerage - collective noun for titles like Duke, Duchess, Count, Earl etc. Comes from "Peers of the Realm" where one could hold one or more of these titles. It differs from monarchy to monarchy. THAT'S YOUR WORD FOR THE DAY FOLKS!

[hrh-prince-butt]

alex and henry plan to dress up as barbie and ken for an upcoming costume party, but they can't seem to agree on who should be barbie and who should be ken...

(hello this is possibly the dumbest thing i've ever written, and i have no regrets, it was so much fun to write)

-

“You can’t deny the Kenergy, babe.” 

“You’re right,” Henry shoots back. “I can’t. And if anyone has it, it’s you.” 

Alex crosses his arms and glares stubbornly at Henry. Henry glares right back, just as goddamn stubborn. Looks like they’re in a stalemate. 

There was no argument that they absolutely had to dress up as Barbie and Ken for their couples costume this year. It had practically been telepathically agreed upon before they even left the cinema. Apparently, the hard part is agreeing on who should dress up as who.

Alex had thought it was obvious that he should be Barbie. But when he brought up speculations about his costume - should he copy an outfit from the movie or figure out something of his own? - Henry had frowned and said he thought he was supposed to be Barbie. 

“Just face it, sweetheart,” Alex says, patting Henry on the shoulder. “You are clearly the Ken to my Barbie.” 

Henry huffs. “How am I the Ken to your Barbie?”

“Well.” Alex leans back on the couch and gestures to himself. “I’m the successful career person, and you are my hot blond accessory. Obviously.” 

“Unbelievable,” Henry says. He sounds genuinely offended. “David, are you hearing this?” David the Beagle lifts his head lazily at the sound of his name, but finding no imminent threat and no promise of treats, he goes back to napping on the couch. 

“All this time,” Henry goes on, and Alex can tell he’s really amping up the theatrics now, probably working up to a dramatic monologue of some kind. “I thought you liked me because of my intelligence, my wit. I thought I was more than just a pretty face, but no. Apparently I’m just some attractive himbo boytoy to you. Utterly unbelievable.” 

He punctuates this absolute scene with a very undramatic bite of chocolate chip cookie. This batch is his third attempt, and Alex has to admit they aren’t terrible. They are overbaked and therefore rock hard - Henry’s annoyed chewing can probably be heard halfway down the street - but they’re already miles better than the last batch. Alex thinks it best not to speak of the last batch.  

“I can’t believe you just called yourself a ‘himbo boytoy’.” Alex is wheezing with laughter, and Henry’s stubborn chewing, his failing attempt to look dramatically offended while crunching on a cookie the texture of a brick, only makes it harder to stop laughing. “Those are your words, not mine.” 

He deigns not to mention that while he has been busy with important law shit all week, Henry has been busy baking cookies. And being really bad at it. That’s definitely Kenergy. 

Henry sighs and washes down the remains of the tragic cookie with tea. “You’re not seeing my vision, love. You would really make an excellent Ken. And I would make an excellent Barbie.” 

“Damn,” Alex says. “We must already be in Barbie’s Dreamhouse because… uh. Keep dreaming.” 

“That… was a truly terrible comeback.” 

Alex sighs. “Yeah. They can’t all be winners.” 

Henry nods gravely. “I’d say this proves my point. You’re Ken, and I’m Barbie.”

It most definitely does not prove anything. “If you’re Barbie,” Alex says, “then you’re definitely Depression Barbie watching the Pride & Prejudice movie like a million times.” 

Henry apparently doesn’t have a response to that except indignant spluttering. Alex laughs so hard he wakes up David. He almost falls off the couch laughing when Henry responds with: “How dare you, I am clearly Irrepressible Thoughts of Death Barbie!” 

Then they’re both laughing, while David watches them in utter confusion. 

“Alright,” Alex says once he has calmed down. “Fair enough. But we can’t both be Barbie!”

“Why not, though?” Henry counters. 

“It’s a couples costume!”

“Well,” Henry says. “Two Barbies can love each other! It’s the 21st century!” 

Alex tries to sigh but it comes out as more laughter. “Yeah, yeah,” he says. “Gay rights for Barbie or whatever. But two Barbies won’t be as recognizable as a couples costume. People will just think we’re two people who independently decided to dress up as Barbie!” 

“Alright.” Henry picks up his phone. “I’m settling this once and for all.” 

“What? Who are you calling?”

That question is quickly answered. The dial tone only rings twice before the call goes through, and Pez’s voice fills the living room. “Well, if it isn’t my second favourite disgraced royal. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Henry wastes no time on niceties. “Pez. Out of Alex and me, who is Barbie and who’s Ken?”

Pez doesn’t even take a moment to consider it. He just says, “Darling, you’re definitely Ken.” 

Ha! Told you, Alex mouths, his face lighting up in a vindictive grin. 

“That is the wrong answer,” Henry tells Pez, whose laughter comes out a little tinny through the phone speakers. 

“Oh come on, you know I’m right,” Pez says. “Or perhaps I just really want to see your boyfriend's magnificent arse in that Barbie-pink pantsuit. You know, the one Margot Robbie wears in the film?” 

More indignant spluttering from Henry. “Pez, you’re on speaker.”

“Oh good, I hoped I was,” Pez replies. “Hello, Alex! I look forward to seeing your Barbie costume. Do come to me if you need help putting it together. Toodles!"

And then he hangs up. Henry glares at the screen like he can magically will Pez to come back and take his side this time. 

“Well, you heard him,” Alex says, not even trying to hide his laughter. 

Henry huffs and shoves the phone back in his pocket. “Well, who made him the expert, anyway?”

“Pretty sure you did, when you called to get his opinion. To, you know-” Alex clears his throat and puts on his best Henry impression- “settle this, once and for all.” 

Presumably at a loss for words, Henry picks up another cookie and, with considerable effort, bites into it. There’s nothing more to say, anyway. They both know Alex has won. 

“Besides,” Alex says, holding up his phone to show Henry the transaction on the screen. “I already ordered the “I am Kenough” hoodie in your size, sweetheart.”

[blue-aconite]

book club activities || r.b.f

Summary: Bob's girlfriend has a book club.

Warnings: Suggestive texting, absolute nonsense, somehow Bradley and Jake stole the show (idiots)

Word Count: 940

Pairings: Bob Floyd x f!reader

Authors Note: Happy birthday @bobfloydsbabe! This is the dumbest thing I've ever written and it also sucks but it has your favourite lil dude in it and I love you! I hope you've had a great birthday! Enjoy this insanely weird drabble.

“You should really read it.” 

Bob sighed, rubbing a hand across his face. “Sweetheart, I’m not reading Twilight with you.” 

His girlfriend pouted from the corner of the couch, aiming a kick against his shin. “But you liked the films.” 

“No, I said I thought they weren’t bad. I never said I liked them.” They had watched all of the films a weeknight ago, which Bob initially had only done to please her. 

“And you said the films were better than the books.” Bob argued, reaching over to right the blanket covering her body as it had half fallen to the floor. 

“Yes but I still think you should read the books.” She said, crossing her arms across her chest. 

“I will go out and get you your favourite food, two new books, a new notepad and pencils if you don’t make me read the books.” Bob placated, hoping that it would satisfy her. 

She looked thoughtful, eyebrows drawing together as she contemplated his offer. 

“Which books?

Bob smiled, knowing he was winning. “Whichever you want, darling.” 

She stared at him for another moment before tossing the blanket aside to cuddle into his side. 

“I want Pho, I don’t have the last two books of ASOIAF and please get me a A4 notebook, not A5,” she paused momentarily, hand splayed against his abdomen, “and cuddles please.”

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, slouching slightly so she could get more comfortable. “Yes ma’am.” 

The rain was smattering against windows, the sun setting just behind the tree line they could see from their backyard. 

Ever since  Bob had found out he was going to be stationed permanently in San Diego, they decided to get a house and set down some roots. 

“I love you, even if you don’t want to read Twilight with me.” She whispered against his T-shirt, making Bob laugh. She soon joined in and they giggled together for a few moments before once again settling into the couch. 

“I love you too. Do you want Pho from the place close to base or the other one?” 

She hummed, eyes falling shut as she snuggled into his side. “Base please.” 

Bob waited a few minutes before her breathing evened out and then gently untangled himself from her embrace. 

After making sure she was properly tucked in for her nap, he grabbed his keys and wallet. He had a promise to make good on. 

Next Day

“Dude, you should read them though, they’re actually pretty good. Not the writing but the story. Love triangle, vampires, werewolves and hybrid babies.” Rooster said through a mouthful of scrambled eggs. 

Phoenix snorted, rolling her eyes. “Not the most intriguing introduction, Roos.” 

Bob watched as they jabbed back and forth, pushing his food around on his plate. 

Hangman and Coyote sat down with their trays, interrupting the squabble happening across from Bob. 

“What’s up?” Javy asked. 

“Are you team Edward or team Jacob?” Rooster asked, completely serious. 

Coyote’s eyebrows shot up, mouth pressed into a tight line. “Dude, are you talking about Twilight?” 

“Yes! Bob watched the films with his girl and he doesn't want to read the books but I think they’re pretty good and Nat says they’re crap and now we gotta decide what team.” Bradley rambled, earning another smack to the side. 

Javy stared them both down, an unimpressed look on his face. “I don’t like fantasy.” 

“WHAT? Dishonour on you, dishonour on your family, dishonour on your cow!” Rooster dramatically gasped, clutching at his chest. 

The entire table rolled their eyes at their teammates' dramatics, all of them now used to Bradley’s antics. 

“Okay fine. I didn’t care enough to choose a team, the films were good and I’ve already read the books but don’t tell my girlfriend that. She’ll never let me live it down.” Bob spoke up, making Bradley smile. 

“I knew it. Everyone has read those books, except Javy here, apparently.” Rooster announced proudly, reaching across the table to fist bump Bob. 

“I personally am Team Bella. Neither Edward or Jacob were good for her. Jacob was an immature kid, not his fault, it’s just his character and Edward had issues. Real issues. The best thing for her would have been to get the hell out of Forks and work on becoming her own person.” 

The entire table fell silent, staring at Jake who didn’t even look up from his plate. No one spoke for a few beats before Bradley began clapping like a seal, shit eating grin in place. 

Bob shook his head as he reached for his phone, texting his girlfriend. She would enjoy the currently bizarre conversation that was taking place and maybe he could get out of book club if he mentioned that apparently both Rooster and Hangman were fans of the series. 

Hangman and Rooster like Twilight. 

Make them bring food and the books next time you invite them over. 

PS, you’re still gonna read the books with me, pls. 

Damn, he really thought he’d gotten away with reading the darn books again. 

If you and I are going to have a book club, no one else is welcome. 

How come??

Club activities are strictly taking place in the bedroom. 

He sent off the last text quickly, before pocketing his phone and turning back to the conversation. 

He didn’t receive an answer until he was scheduled to fly. There was a short message and a picture attached. 

Fine. 

And beneath the text was a picture partially obscuring the view of what seemed to be his girlfriend’s favourite lingerie set and all four books of the series. 

Bob couldn’t wait to go home.

Taglist: @wildbornsiren​ @ryebecca @imjess-themess @reels-and-wheels @antiquitea @writercole @hederasgarden @yanna-banana @bobfloydsbabe @hollandorks @anniesocsandgeneralstore @ereardon @luminousnotmatter @roosterscock @thedroneranger @fandomxpreferences @top-hhun @princessmisery666 @bradshawsbitch​ @a-reader-and-a-writer @green-socks @angstybluejay @seresinhangmanjake @ayorooster​@notroosterbradshaw​ @indynerdgirl @gigisimsonmars @girl-in-the-chairs-void@bradshawbabes @unhinged-btch @horseshoegirl @sadpetalsstuff @bradshawbaby @ahopelessromanticwritersworld @ummjustfics​ @septemberrie​ @somenamewithepineapple​ @seresinsweetie​​ @crescentwolf​ @seresinhangmanjake​ @waklman​ @roosterforme​ @rosiahills22​ @dempy​ @i0veless​ @ilovewriting06​ @kmc1989​ @demxters @amortentiadrops @teacupsandtopgun @hangmanscoming

[wholoveseggs]

Mikaelsons & Marijuana

18+ ---- {Masterlist} {Tag-List}

420 Followers

Hello my loves, I have reached the (very important) milestone of 420 followers! So I thought it would be a fun (& very stupid) idea to do some silly little headcanons about what kind of stoner each of the Mikaelsons would be...

♡♡ Ps. This is definitely the dumbest thing I've ever written, and I didn't tag anyone because I respect your time ~ lol ~ ♡♡

1k words - Warnings: drugs use

~☮~ Klaus ~☮~

- He smoked a lot of weed in the 18th century, mostly to just pass the time. It's not something he likes to make a habit of, because it makes him feel very human and that unsettles him.

- It somehow makes him more paranoid, but about stupid things, like, what if the reason he can't find a matching sock is because Kol is trying to make him think he's going crazy? Turn the family against him? Does Elijah really know what's in his shampoo?

- He will start a new painting every time he gets high, but never finishes it because he starts a new one when he's high again, and that one looks so much better, why would he finish this one when there's such a great one he can work on?

- He also gets really fascinated by the moon, he will just lay out on the roof or in the garden and just stare at it for hours. Wondering if he could survive the vacuum of space. Everyone ignores him when he gets like this, because they are afraid if he is even slightly encouraged, he’ll do it. Imagine him in charge of the ISS?? Terrifying.

~☮~ Rebekah ~☮~

- Her fav way to get high is through edibles. She will make a whole day out of it, baking the best treats and doing lots of self-care. It makes her very giggly and snuggly.

- She loves to take long baths when she's high, they make her feel like she's floating. She uses bath bombs, candles, rose petals, soft music, etc. Creating a relaxing environment for herself.

- She prefers to be alone, treats it a lot like meditation and will get a little annoyed if someone disturbs her.

- After all of the self-care she will put on her softest pajamas and sleep for at least a whole day.

~☮~ Kol ~☮~

- Kol is a bit of a scientist, always finding a new way to consume. He will try any form; smoking, vaping, edibles, drinks, dabs, tincture. You name it.

- He prefers to just smoke it, because it has the most powerful and immediate effect. He likes to see what it will do to his brain, or make him do. It makes him a very curious boy, he will test his own limits.

- As a witch, he will get his room all smoky and do stupid spells that will cause a light show. Sometimes the spells will even backfire on him and make him lose control of his limbs, or start levitating. It's pretty funny.

- As a vampire he gets incredibly horny and hungry, and often needs to be watched over so he won't go completely off the rails.

~☮~ Davina ~☮~

- Gets frightened and doesn't like the paranoia and lack of control. But sometimes she will try it with Kol and they will just cuddle and watch her favorite movies. He never pressures her to try it and always makes her feel safe.

~☮~ Elijah ~☮~

- Always refined, he will only smoke the best hydroponics mixed with the finest tobacco. It has to be premium and it has to be a very special occasion. He has to feel like he earned it, and that's difficult to do.

- He will spend a long time rolling it, making sure it's perfect. It's got to have just the right amount of weed, be perfectly shaped, the paper has to be perfectly smooth, the rolling motion has to be flawless and the filter just right.

- He can't stand the smell and will immediately shower afterwards, then he will get dressed up in his nicest suit, sit in his study and listen to classical music.

- If he gets really high he will want affection. He will lay with you and talk about some nonsensical philosophy, try to unpack things like the meaning of life. He will whisper poetry and kiss your cheeks. It's quite endearing, he gets all blushy and bashful.

~☮~ Marcel ~☮~

- He is always up for sharing, and always has the best bud on him. He will make it a very casual experience and offer some to the other vampire's that have been good to him. It's a time for everyone to unwind and chill for a little bit.

- He's definitely just a social smoker though, when he gets high alone he can fall into melancholy.

- He loves to get high with Rebekah, he will take her on the most elaborate and romantic dates, where they just eat an enormous amount of food... And maybe find someone to drink from together.

~☮~ Hayley ~☮~

- Has tried it a few times when hanging out with the werewolves. It makes her feel calm, and the colours around her just get brighter. She doesn't really understand it and isn't that into it, but she likes that she feels more connected to her pack.

- She likes to use CBD before she transforms into a wolf. It dulls the excruciating pain that comes from that, and she's grateful that it takes her mind off the torture for just a while.

- Jackson loves it, uses it in a spiritual way and is a very good guide for her on the matter. He makes her laugh and makes her feel safe when they are alone, sharing a joint, talking about life, and their plans for the pack.

~☮~ Freya ~☮~

- It freaks her out because it makes her feel sleepy and unfocused, which she does not enjoy at all. She finds it to be a waste of her time and feels like it could never be that enjoyable to be stoned all of the time, there are so many better ways to pass the time.

- But she will experiment with using it in her magic, and will make some potent edibles for her beloved sister. She does think it has some medicinal purposes.

- She is very fascinated by it, and will watch as the other's indulge. She will be the one to find Klaus watching the moon, it amuses her to see him so carefree.

~☮~ Esther ~☮~

- Didn't know exactly what it was one thousand years ago, but liked to add some to her tea. It would make the stress of living with Mikael much easier to deal with.

- Perhaps drank too much tea one day and had the genius idea to make her children immortal. Totally worked out well for her.

~☮~ Mikael ~☮~

- Would never, makes you weak and complacent. If you wanted to be so carefree and useless you might as well be dead.

~☮~ Finn ~☮~

- Tried it once, didn't inhale.

[aeongstarss]

jungjin city lights / somun x fem!reader

a/n: hi everyone! this is my first ff I've written in a while. I hope you all enjoy it, please leave any requests or tips you have! enjoy :) warnings: mention of blood, knifes, violence, choking, drinking alcohol genre/type: fluff, semi slow burn, Y/N, angst, happy ending wc: 6.2k title track: once again - Kim Sejeong (Uncanny Counter OST season 2)

*BEEP BEEP BEEP* The sound of your blaring alarm wakes you up from your deep slumber. You tiredly roll over and hit the obnoxiously loud alarm. You look at the time with blurry eyes and roll around to go back to sleep until you realize; you’re late.. again. You shoot up out of your comfortable warm bed and rush to the bathroom. You quickly brush your teeth, not even bothering with your hair. You throw on the first pair of clothes you find on the floor and grab your backpack and run out the door. 

You’re 20 years old living in Jungjin, South Korea as a full time university student; so being on time is pretty important. You rush to your 9AM class, but you’re 3 minutes late. You close your eyes and take a deep breath to calm yourself before entering your class. Professor HaJoon has never been the lenient type. Always yelling at you and your classmates about the dumbest things. You dread this class. You open your eyes, ready to be confronted by your strict professor, except you are met with a sign hanging on the door. “CLASS CANCELED.” You whine and say out loud, “It’s 2023, don’t people communicate through email nowadays?” You hang your head low while standing in your spot. You hear someone next to you let out a breathy laugh. You snap your head and see a girl with curly hair standing next to you. She has cuts on her hands and a healing scar just above her right eyebrow. “Did I scare you?” the mysterious woman asks you. You stare at her for a second then nod ‘no’ quickly, without saying a word. She laughs, “I’m Do Ha-na. Nice to meet you.” You smile and introduce yourself. “I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you too, Ha-na.” She bows and walks away with both hands in her pockets. “Ahh, she’s cool.” you think to yourself. 

Now that class is canceled, you finally have a day to yourself since you don’t have any other classes today. You let out a sigh of relief and head towards the elevator. *DING* the large silver doors open and you are about to step inside. Suddenly, a hand grabs your arm and pulls you back. You let out a scream, but it is quickly silenced when a hand is placed over your mouth. You try your best to fight the attacker, but he is far too strong. You kick and scream, but he’s not budging. Suddenly, after what felt like hours of fighting back, the heavy weight of the man disappears. You gasp for air and run into the elevator, pressing the buttons in a hurry to get away. You look up out of fear. But there stands the same woman from earlier. Your eyes widen, “Ha-na?” you ask quietly. She smirks and walks towards you. You back up out of fear. She brings a hand to your head, and now you are sitting in your bed again, not remembering anything after Ha-na placed her touch on you. 

—----------------------------------------------

“Goodmorning, Y/N! Ah, afternoon.. Are you feeling any better?” Eun-Jeong says to you. Choi EunJeong has been your best friend since 2nd grade. You two are inseparable. Despite her intimidating appearance, she is the kindest and most loving person you have ever met. You nod and Eunjeong hugs you and gives you a friendly kiss on the forehead. You smile and playfully push her off. “Are you hungry? I’ve been craving noodles recently.” she says to you with a smile and genuine eyes. “I could definitely go for some noodles.” you say in a raspy voice. She cheers and you two begin getting ready for brunch.

While walking the streets of Jungjin, you find a corner shop called “Eonni’s noodles”. You step inside and are greeted by an older woman. “Welcome in!” she says with an energizing tone. You and Eunjeong smile and make your way to a table. While you sit down, you make eye contact with a man. He has black curly hair, dark brown eyes, and a soft smile. You stare at him like a deer in headlights. He does the same back. Eunjeong looks over her shoulder and sees the man. She waves her hand in your face with furrowed eyebrows. You snap your attention back to your friend. “Y/N.. are you okay?” Your face slowly rises into a light pink. Your friend laughs and whispers. “He’s cute, don’t you think?” You look back over at him and he is still staring at you, until a middle aged man comes up and hits the boy's head with a rolled up newspaper. “Ah! Mo-tak!” the boy yells. “He is cute.” you reply through slight laughter. The older woman then comes to your table and introduces herself. “Sorry about the wait! I’m Chu Mae-ok. What can I get for you two?”

As you and Eunjeong finish slurping your noodles, you both sit back and process the delicious meal you just had. In the corner of your eye, you see the middle aged man pushing the young man out of the curtains. He comes stumbling out and fixes his clothes. He clears his throat and walks up to the table. “Hi.” he says. You and Eunjeong look at each other and you reply. “Hi.” The boy breaks eye contact for a second then takes your bowls without asking and scurries back behind the curtain. You and your friend shoot each other another look. “We didn’t even pay..” Eunjeong whispers. 10 minutes pass by with no one coming out from the curtains. You smack 25,000 won on the table and you two make your way out of the restaurant. 

While walking back to your dormitory, you get a call from your father. “I’m on the way.” you say with a shaky voice. She looks at you with concern. “I have to go.” you say. Nothing more nothing less. Your best friend has always been the understanding type. She nods and gives you a hug. You turn to leave your friend and begin jogging towards your childhood home which is just a few blocks away. As you’re running in a panic, you forgot to look before you crossed the street. All you remember is headlights and a loud horn blaring at you. 

—----------------------------------------------

White. White is all you see. You sit up from your lying position and are met with a young woman. “Where am I?” you say in a panic. The woman doesn’t answer you. “Am I dead?...” you yell. The woman scoffs in a playful tone. “Not exactly. You are in a coma. Right now, you are residing in Yung. A place between heaven and earth.” she explains. You smack both sides of your face and rub your eyes, hoping this is some sort of dream. You open your eyes and once again, you are met with the woman. She holds out her hand. You hesitate at first, but then take the woman's hand. She helps you up and motions for you to walk with her. Suddenly the white scene turns into an empty field. “I’m Ha-neul. Take a walk with me Y/N.” You don’t even question how she knows your name. You look around the field in confusion, slowly following behind Haneul. 

After a while of walking, she presents an option to you. “You can sign the contract and become a counter, or you will stay in your coma.” You look down, feeling defeated between the two difficult choices. The silence is louder than loud. The only voice you hear is your conscience. After a few seconds pass, which feels like hours, you blurt, “I’ll become a counter.” 

You shake Haneul’s hand and start to notice your hair curling up. You look at your hair with shock while Haneul laughs. “All counters have curly hair.” you look up at her and let out an awkward, nervous laugh. She smiles and leans in for a hug. 

-----------------—-----------------------------

Standing in the center of a noodle shop, staring at your feet, a loud voice announces “This is Y/N! Your new team member!” Chairman Choi says with excitement. You nod while keeping your head down from embarrassment. “God, this red jumpsuit is atrocious.” you think to yourself. You stay silent, zoning out at this point. The chairman gives you a hard slap on your back, making you jump and look up. Immediately you know where you are. Eonni’s noodles. After realizing everyone is wearing the same bright red jumpsuit, you lock eyes with the same young man you saw that day you went out to eat with Eunjeong. You stare at each other with wide eyes. “Do you two know each other?” Mae-ok says in a shocked stutter. You and the man say nothing. Chairman Choi breaks the loud and thick silence by introducing everyone. “This is Mae-ok, you can call her Miss Chu.” She smiles and bows. “This is Ga Mo-tak.” you recognise him. He’s the guy who hit the young boy on the head when he was staring at you. A smile appears on his face and he waves with one hand. “This is Do H-” “We met.” she says in a monotone voice. Your eyes widen once again. “Hana?” you say. She smirks and bows. “So it seems you know everyone already.” the chairman says laughing. “And this is our So-Mun.” “Finally. The handsome boy has a name afterall.” you think to yourself. You both smile at each other and then quickly look away. You bow and introduce yourself. “Hello everyone. I’m Y/N.” Everyone smiles, but the one who shines the brightest is Somun. “Let’s eat! Shall we?” Miss Chu says hurrying to the kitchen. 

Hours pass by of you and the other counters talking over noodles and soju. It’s a lot easier for you to open up when you’re intoxicated. After everyone has finally finished up their beer and noodles, Motak speaks up, “Okay, I’m gonna head to bed.” with a painfully obvious wink. The chairman and Miss Chu stand up quickly. She looks at her fake watch “Wow! Would you look at the time? You know, when you’re old you have to sleep earlier!” she says through a forced laugh, while pushing Chairman Choi out of the shop. Hana smirks and gets up without saying anything. Somun shoots them all a death stare before they can all go to their rooms. This leaves you and him alone. 

------------------—---next morning-----------------------

A loud yawn from Motak startles you awake. “Goodmorn-“ he says. Suddenly it’s silent again, nothing but the birds chirping and cars passing by on the busy street. You raise your head from the wooden table that you apparently fell asleep on and see Somun sleeping across from you. Your heart races. “Did we stay up that late last night that we couldn’t even walk to our beds?” you thought silently. You turn around and see Motak and Miss Chu standing there staring at you with their mouths open. Your eyes widen and you quickly turn around to avoid the embarrassment. Hana comes up and flicks Somun on the head. “Goodmorning, you two.” Somun looks behind his shoulder and looks at Hana in confusion. “You two?” he asks in a tired voice. She cocks her head towards you. Somun turns and is met with you, right across the table from him. He slams his head back down on the table, pretending to still be asleep, which obviously didn’t work. You laugh at his cuteness and get up to go shower. While walking away, you hear the counters footsteps scurry to the table, asking Somun a million questions. 

After your shower, you get dressed and make your way to the restaurant lobby. There sits a very scary and determined Somun. Last night, he was so cute and cheerful. But now, he looks… almost dangerous. You look around the room and see everyone zipping up their jumpsuits. Somun stands up and starts yelling, “As a way to welcome our new teammate, we are training today!” you almost laugh seeing how serious he looks but the tone in his voice is so unserious. You all get ready and make your way to the training garage. 

 It’s your first day on the job and you also don’t know your power yet. On top of that, you still have to attend school while being a counter. You walk behind the rest of the group, feeling nervous about your first day of training. Miss Chu seems to notice this and she slows down to walk at your pace, rubbing your right shoulder. “Y/N, we were all nervous when we first started. It’s okay to feel scared or even worried.” she says to reassure you. “It’s normal if you’re not the best on day one. As long as you continue to train and practice, you can do anything.” You smile and thank her for her kind and encouraging words. 

Once you all reach the training garage. Motak looks at the wall then looks at you, “You see those handprints?” he says, raising an eyebrow at you. You nod, “That blue one at the top, the one you can barely see? That’s Somuns.” You look at the hand print in shock. There’s no way anyone could reach that far up… it’s not humanly possible you think to yourself. You gulp and gather up the courage to test yourself on your first day as a counter. You look at your hands and see 5 black dots. You can feel your adrenaline pumping through your body. You’re gonna do this, and show them that they won’t regret having you as a part of their team. Motak covers your right hand in a dark purple paint. Motak, Hana, Somun and Miss Chu all watch from the sidelines as you prepare for your jump. You take a few steps back, and boom, you’re running towards the wall. You let out a loud scream and jump with all of your might. You feel like you’re flying. You have never jumped this high in your whole life, is this even possible? You land on the ground softly, and before you can even look to see how far up you made it, everyone is cheering for you. You look confused as your confidence was low, thinking you’d get maybe 5 feet off the ground if you were lucky. You tilt your head up, blocking the sun with your hand, to see your handprint just a few inches below Somuns. You stand there in awe, taking in what just happened. Everyone comes up to you and starts hugging you; Somun being the first to hug you. As soon as he touched you, you felt a spark. Not a romantic kind of spark, more like a jolt of energy. You have butterflies in your stomach and a bright smile on your face while the rest of the team joins in on the hug. 

-----——- time skip: 5 months -------——— 

You and Somun have gotten really close recently. You two do everything together. And sometimes, you two repeat the cycle of having a little too much to drink while getting lost in conversation and crashing on the wooden table. While being with Somun and the team so often, you learn that they never stop training and never let their guard down. Through all of this training for the past 5 months, you have discovered your counter power. Psychokinesis and speed. Sure, you’re not as good as Somun, but you’re a lot better than Motak. Hana and Somun were the ones who really helped you discover your talent. At first, you constantly strained yourself. Nose bleed after nose bleed. But after a while, you started to get the hang of things. You have your limits as everyone does. You still have loads of training to do, but none of this would be possible without your new family. 

 As you and Hana are cleaning up for the night, her neck twitches. You’ve been a part of the team long enough to know what this means. An evil spirit has step foot. She lets everyone know, and you all drop what you’re doing. You all run into the car, Mo tak being the driver.  “What level is it?” you ask. “Level three.” she replies. You have a moment of internal panic as you have only encountered level 1 and level 2 spirits. Somun notices that you’re feeling scared and nervous. He shyly intertwined his fingers with yours and gives you that reassuring smile that always makes you feel better. You take a deep breath and smile. What Somun doesn’t know is that he makes you 10x more nervous. His soft hand interlocked with yours gives you a sense of relief, but the dozens of butterflies dancing in your stomach say otherwise. He looks at you, “You can do this. We’ll all be by your side.” he says. You stare into his eyes, then accidentally take a glance at his lips. He seems to notice this and he lets out a light laugh and throws his head back. You have had many moments like this with him, but something about tonight is different. Maybe it’s the adrenaline rushing through your veins, or maybe it’s the fact that you’ve fallen hard for Somun. You mirror his behavior and lay your head back and try to muster up the confidence for this mission. Somun softly squeezes your hand and you reply to his action in the same manner. You stay like this until you arrive at the Jungjin Metro Station, where the level three evil spirit is. 

You all step out of the car, making your way to the ground floor of the station. There lay a woman and a child. You and Miss Chu make your way to the pair to make sure they are safe. Somun, Hana, and Motak split up to look for the spirit while you and Miss Chu take care of the pair. While carrying the mother and child, you walk up the stairs and see a man standing there. He is emitting such strong energy. An aura you have never felt in your life. You press your earpiece, “Found him.” you say. You and Miss Chu nod, knowing what to do in this situation. You run towards the spirit, attempting to lay a punch on him while Miss Chu runs out and brings the pair to safety. 

You miss your punch, as well as your balance. The spirit kicks you in the stomach, making you tumble down 2 flights of stairs. You grunt in pain and look up to see the spirit walking towards you. You didn’t know it was possible to be this strong. You are scared, and just want to lie there, but you were taught to never give up. You muster up the strength to sit up and push him away with the motion of your hand. He didn’t budge. Your eyes widen in fear as you try one more time to push him away with your psychokinetic possessed hand. This time, he flies back, but only by 2 feet. The spirit reaches out his hand and drags you. Your throat is now in the hands of a level 3 spirit. You are struggling for air, you are completely helpless as the spirit is holding you up in the air. You hang there, trying to fight him off for what felt like hours. You are about to die. You cough up blood and tears run down your face. The grip on your throat grows tighter and you close your eyes, letting out through a cracked voice “I’m sorry.” Suddenly, you can breathe. You collapse to the ground, gasping for air. You look up and see Miss Chu with a steel bar in her hand. She rushes to you to heal your throat. Just then, the spirit stands up to laugh while winding up his hand to punch the back of Miss Chu's head. You pull Miss Chu into your shoulder in an attempt to shield her from the hit. Just then, you hear footsteps. Is there another spirit? You think to yourself. You look up and in the speed of light, the spirit is hit by a force so powerful, it scares you. You and Miss Chu gasp, you look to your left, and through blurry tears, you see Somuns silhouette. Motak and Hana follow behind him. “Sorry to keep you waiting” Somun says in a cocky, but determined tone. You smile and try to speak, but your voice is completely gone. You look at Miss Chu and she hovers her hands above your throat, not having enough time to heal your stomach. You stand up and thank her. Now that your team is here, you can show your full potential with confidence. 

With speed being your strongest suit, you pounce at the spirit and land a direct kick on the side of his head. You go to strike a punch, but the spirit grabs your leg, penetrating it with a sharp butterfly knife. You scream in pain and collapse to the ground, blood pooling around your leg. Just in time, Hana quickly slides across the ground and grabs your head so it doesn’t hit the hard concrete. On the other hand, Somun is admitting such a strong and powerful energy. He drags the spirit to him, stepping on his chest. The spirit pushes Somun away with a motion of his hand. He stands up, beginning to limp away in an attempt to flee. You and Somun are the only ones who are able to stop him with psychokinesis. Somun is quick to stand back on his feet, but not quick enough; the spirit is getting away.

You notice this, and let out a loud yell, reaching out your hand. You will stop this spirit today, no matter what it takes. The spirit stops in his tracks. Your nose starts to bleed, but Motak strikes the spirit with the same metal bar. You sigh out, Hana catching you in her arms. The spirit falls to the floor. Before he can begin to laugh, Somun strikes punch after punch on the spirit. It’s bloody. You’ve seen a handful of bloody scenes, but there was so much more this time around. Somun pants, face bloody and eyebrows furrowed. You hate to admit this, but when he’s this serious and determined, you only fall harder for him. Somun gets off on top of the spirit, motioning his hand for Motak to summon it. The spirit lets out a loud scream and then collapses. You slump down, still in Hanas arms, wiping the blood from your nose. You smirk, feeling proud that you’ve defeated your first level three spirit, alongside your team. 

—------------- next morning —-------------

You wake up the next morning at around 10AM and grunt in pain, slowly sitting up while holding your stomach to look at your leg. “Feeling better?” Somun asks. You flinch and dart your eyes to him. There he is sitting next to you, holding an open book. You don’t even ask how he got in your room, you are just happy he’s there by your side. His hair is messy from not being brushed, and he’s still in his pajamas. You nod in response to his question and look curiously over at what he’s reading. “It’s called ‘The Melody of a Bird Whistle’.” He’s reading your favorite book. “I remember you saying that you enjoy when someone reads to you, and that it relaxes you. So I thought I would read a story to you to help you feel better.” he says shyly. Your heart melts at his sweetness. “Now that you mention it, the wound on my leg is closed. Was this your doing?” you ask. Somun laughs, “That’s Miss Chu’s doing.” You let out a silent ‘Ohh’ and laugh. While laughing, you grab your stomach and wince in pain. Somun places his hand on top of your free hand in a hurry, “Are you okay? You shouldn’t be laughing too much” he says. Your face lights up with a shade of red. “Yes, I’m okay. Thank you Somun. I can ask Miss Chu to heal my stomach.” After you assure him that you are okay, you expect him to move his hand away from yours out of relief, but instead he keeps in there, looking into your eyes. You look at him with a slight turn of your neck and furrowed eyebrows. “What?” you ask him. Somun looks away shyly. “You…” you tilt your head further “You look beautiful.” Your heart skips a beat at his words. This is so odd coming from him. Somun has always been kind towards you, but you’ve never seen him this sentimental or even affectionate. Maybe seeing you last night worried him. You are always worrying about him since he’s the strongest on the team. You smile, but before you can say anything, Somun slightly leans in while looking at your lips. You take a moment, but you lean in as well. The atmosphere is thick, but you feel so comfortable and safe with him by your side. “This is it! He’s going to kiss me!” you think silently. Just after you close your eyes, the door bursts open.

 “Goodmorning, sleepy heads!” Chairman Choi walks in interrupting your moment. You two pull away, before your lips can even touch. Choi yells and slams the door. He’s apologizing outside of the door. Miss Chu and Motak rush out, thinking something serious has happened. You hear the muffled voices of the adults outside the door. “They-They we’re about to kiss!” the Chairman yells out. Miss Chu and Motak yell in unison. “WHAT?” you can hear them scurrying around in a panic. You and Somun stare blankly at each other, then let out a silent laugh. You two take a moment to collect yourselves. He then helps you out of bed to have Miss Chu heal your stomach. Stepping out, Miss Chu starts apologizing over and over again. “Ah! I’m so sorry Y/N! I totally forgot about your stomach, I’ll-” you cut her off. “It’s okay Miss Chu. Thank you for everything.” Miss Chu smiles, then places her hands over your stomach. You whine as you can feel the bones in your ribcage mending back together. About 20 seconds pass by and you are back to normal. “Thank you Miss Chu! What would I do without you?” you say through a smile. She then gives you a hug and pats your head, “Let’s eat breakfast now that you’re awake!” 

Chairman Choi sits the final plate on the table and then takes a seat. The air is insanely thick. Hana is out this morning on a 10 mile run, so this leaves you, Somun and the adults. You all eat in silence, contradictory to the loud and energetic meals you all normally have. “Kids.” Motak speaks up after about 15 minutes of silence. You and Somun both look up from your bowls. Even though you two are both 20 years old, to Motak, you two are babies. You for sure thought you were gonna be in trouble. “You two go out and spend the day together. If any spirits come, we will take care of them.” he says. You won’t reject this offer. Usually Motak is very serious about everyone being at the noodle shop, ready to fight whenever. You and Somun nod slowly, in slight confusion, but stand up to walk to your rooms to begin getting ready for your first official date. 

You walk inside and immediately head to your vanity desk. While picking up your brushes you realize that Somun has never seen you with makeup, let alone any of the counters. You turn on your favorite song and begin your makeup. “Perfect!” you say while applying the last swipe of lip gloss. You smile at yourself in the mirror and play with your hair to make sure you have no flyaways. You want to impress him, and make sure you two have a good night. You give yourself one final smile in the mirror and head towards your closet. It’s early spring, so you choose to wear a black skirt, a black and white striped sweater, and knee high boots. It’ll keep you warm but not too warm. You walk over and spray your favorite perfume and throw on some minimal jewelry to compliment the outfit. You take one final glance in the mirror. You haven’t felt beautiful ever since you started this job. Usually you are all cut up and worn out. But today, you finally have the chance to treat and care for yourself. You take a deep breath in, and as soon as you exhale there’s a knock on your door. You didn’t feel nervous until you heard the knock. You take one more breath and reach for the handle. You open it up and see Somun standing, waiting for you. You two stare at each other then smile. Miss Chu and Motak are not-so-secretly watching behind the kitchen curtains. “You look nice.” you speak up. Somun smiles and throws his head down. “You look beautiful.” he says to you with glistening eyes. “Way to one up me!” you say jokingly. He laughs and motions for you to follow him. “Motak and Miss Chu, we see you staring at us!” you yell across the lobby. They quickly shut the curtains, pretending like nothing happened. “Okay okay, we’ll see you later!” Somun shouts. “Have fun and be safe!” Miss Chu says through the curtains. You and Somun nod and make your way out onto the busy streets of Jungjin. 

----------—-----------------------------------

You and Somun find yourself walking around a modern art museum, admiring the art. You recommended this, knowing how much he loves to draw. After walking and talking for hours at the art gallery, listening to Somun explain every painting in immense detail, you are starting to feel tired. You have the idea to go to a cafe and sit down for a bit over coffee. He nods in agreement and you walk to the nearest coffee shop you see. 

Time flies by when you’re with Somun. The 3 hours at the art gallery and the 3 hours you’ve spent talking with each other has felt like 5 minutes. You notice the sun starting to set. “Somun, should we head home? It’s starting to get late.” you suggest. “I have one more place I want to go.” You nod your head and follow him out of the cafe doors. 

“Where are we going? We’ve been walking for 30 minutes, and these shoes are really uncomfortable” you whine. Somun laughs, “Don’t worry, we are almost there. Cover your eyes.” You are confused, “Why do I have to cover my eyes? It’s already dark out.” you complain. “Shh, just trust me.” Somun says putting both of his hands over your eyes. You sigh and continue walking for about another 2 minutes until Somun stops. “We’re here.” he whispers. You feel hesitant to open your eyes, you have no clue where you could be. He notices this. “Don’t worry, Y/N. Just open your eyes.” 

You open your eyes and are met with the beautiful shining skyline of Jungjin. You gasp and turn towards Somun smiling. You turn your attention back towards the city, admiring its beauty. Somun is admiring you and how happy you look. He suddenly grabs your hand and leads you to the top of a rock. Where did this sudden confidence come from? You ask yourself. But hey, you won’t complain. You two sit down on the ledge of the rock, admiring your hometown. You have never seen something this beautiful before. Tears start to fill your eyes. “Thank you, Somun.” you say turning to him. Somun smiles, looking into your eyes. You two lock eye contact, and you both start to gravitate towards each other. Somun cups your cheek with his hand and presses his lips against yours. You cup his hand with your own and kiss him back. He pulls away and looks into your eyes. “Y/N, I need to talk to you about something.” he says in a raspy whisper. You tilt your head replying, “What is it?” Somun looks away at the city for a few seconds and back at you, grabbing your hands in his. “I like you… a lot.” he says. Your heart skips a beat and you look at him with wide eyes. You quickly grab his face and lean in, smashing your lips against his. His hand is under your ear as you two share this passionate experience. You pull away this time, “Somun. I’ve liked you since day 1. When me and Eunjeong came into the shop. I was head over heels for you at first glance.” you confess. Somun blushes and tilts his head back. “I did too. Motak and Hana wouldn’t stop teasing me for the rest of the day.” he says. You laugh and playfully hit his shoulder. “I like you so much.” he confesses again. He kisses your forehead, then stands up, reaching out his hand. You accept his hand and you two begin walking home, fingers intertwined. 

---—————- next morning —------———-

You wake up the next morning with Somun cuddled against you. You turn your head and admire him. You smile and place a soft kiss on his lips before getting up to head to the kitchen. When you open the door, Miss Chu, Motak and Hana all come falling in. You stare at them laying by your feet. “Woah! How did we end up here?” Motak asks in an attempt to save themselves from their stalker-ish tendencies. You are surprised to see Hana there as well. “Good Morning guys.” you say in a flat voice. “Ah, Ah! Good Morning!” Miss Chu says while getting to her feet. “We didn’t hear you come in last night, we just wanted to check up and make sure you and Somun were okay!” You laugh and roll your eyes. “Yes Miss Chu, the date went well.” you say. She looks at you awkwardly as they all scurry away. You laugh as you follow them into the kitchen for breakfast. Miss Chu has prepared Gyeran bap, one of your favorite dishes. You all sit down and begin eating when you all hear a door creak open. There stands Somun with squinted eyes and messy hair. You can’t help but laugh at his cuteness. But you look around and notice everyone also staring at him. You furrow your eyebrows in confusion until you glance at him one more time. Red lipstick is smeared all over his face. Motak and Hana bust out laughing and you cover your face out of embarrassment. “I guess the date did go well!” Motak exclaims while giving Miss Chu a high five. Somun tilts his head then turns to the mirror beside him. His eyes widen and his face immediately turns red. He runs back into your room and slams the door. Through laughter, Motak raises your hand and yells, “Congrats to our new couple!” you shove your face into the table to avoid the embarrassment once again. 

Somun walks out again, lip stick free, “Are you guys bothering my girlfriend?” he asks. You two didn’t have the official “boyfriend and girlfriend” talk but it’s pretty obvious what you two are after last night's confession. The table swoons “Ooooo” and you keep your face hidden. Somun walks up to you and places a kiss on the hands that are covering your red face. “Yes everyone, the date went well. Y/N is my girlfriend.” he speaks up. You love Somuns confidence, but at times like this, you hate it. You eventually remove your hands from your face and look at everyone. You expected them to be laughing in your face saying things like “You’re dating THAT?” but instead you find them smiling and supporting you two. “You guys are cute.” Hana speaks up. Hana is not the type to express emotion, so when she does, you know that it’s genuine. Motak pats Somuns back with a little too much force and laughs. You stand up and motion for Somun to take a seat. He sits down and you walk to the kitchen to get him some breakfast. You sit the bowl down on the table and rub his shoulder and kiss him on the cheek, in hopes of embarrassing him. “Here you go, my love.” you say. The table swoons again and Somun whines out in embarrassment. You laugh and sit down, joining everyone for breakfast.

You feel safe and supported when with your team. You are beyond lucky to have met such wonderful people. But, you are particularly grateful to have met Somun, your boyfriend. They welcomed you in with open arms and stuck to their word to protect you. They have saved your life countless times, but you wouldn’t trade the world for it. You save others and this is what makes you happy. But you’re glad that you have a loving and supporting family beside you. 

And you wouldn’t want it any other way.

[minisugakoobies]

Day 6 | KNJ, JJK

Kinks: thigh riding, Santa's lap

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader x Jungkook

Genre: holiday, smut, crack, Woodpeckers!AU

Rating: M (18+)

Warnings: swearing, drinking, thigh riding/grinding, OC gets a little possessive and Jungkook likes it, several mentions of erections, implied double stuffing, stupid party games, the members are all dressed as sexy Santas wearing chaps, user of the word 'Peckerhead' as a term of endearment, Hoseok's hips are a threat, so are the Namtiddies, it's just a bunch of very hot men doing very dumb but sexy things involving thrusting and teeth and wet t-shirts, I will not apologize for how stupid this is

Word Count: 3.8K

Disclaimers: NSFW, obviously I don’t own BTS - they just inspire me

Summary: Welcome to the Annual Woodpecker Holiday Games! Have a seat on Santa’s lap and pick out your package - nice girls get one, but naughty girls get two!

A/N: This one's for you, @minttangerines 💜 Thank you for bringing the idea of "Woodpeckers" to my attention! This is just… *presses fingers to mouth in deep contemplation* This is just the dumbest thing I've ever written, maybe. And yet, so hot. I hope you enjoy it.

Uhhhhhh so I wrote the description for this before I wrote the actual fic so it's really more JK x reader with bonus Namjoon? But whatever, you're here for the chaos and the smut, so onwards!

Please don’t be a silent reader 🥺 I’d love to know what you think! 💕

Day 5 ❄️ Kinkmas Masterlist ❄️ Day 7

Jungkook takes one last look at himself in the mirror, adjusting the straps on the suspenders draped down his bare chest with a sigh. He looks ridiculous. But as Namjoon reminded him when he gave him the costume earlier today, “It’s not for you, it’s for the customers.” Jungkook understands that everything he does here is for the customers’ satisfaction. And he’s fine with that. 

He’s always been a giver.

Jungkook’s only been a server at Woodpeckers for a month, but he feels like he’s got a pretty solid handle on the place. It’s the trashy male equivalent of a Hooters, except the servers here aren’t wearing tight shirts. No, usually Jungkook’s walking around in nothing but a pair of grey sweatpants and a smile, ready to show his tables a good time. 

Tonight’s a little different. The restaurant is closed for the Annual Woodpecker Holiday Games. The tables in the main room have been pushed back to create a little stage area. The kitchen staff is working on appetizers and snacks, the bar staff is mixing up holiday concoctions, and the other servers are currently lined up on the stage in their matching costumes. 

Jungkook feels a little better knowing he’s not the only one who looks insane right now. It’s a wild outfit that their manager Yoongi picked out this year - everyone’s shirtless as usual, with tight bright red briefs worn under red velvet chaps that fall to mid-thigh and are ringed with white fur. The chaps are attached to a big black belt and suspenders, and the entire ensemble is topped off with a Santa hat. Jungkook fiddles with his suspenders again. He looks like the world’s horniest Santa, an epithet he’s not entirely happy to hold.

But clearly Yoongi knew what he was doing, because the audience gathered here is eating it up. This crowd paid to be here tonight, selling out the tickets for the event in mere minutes, and Jungkook knows they’re expecting a good show. He’ll do his best not to let them down. 

“Ho ho ho and welcome to the Annual Woodpecker Holiday Games!” Yoongi announces, speaking into the karaoke mic that he’s repurposed for tonight’s games. “The open bar is now open, so please grab some Jingle Juice or a mistletoe shot while the staff prepares for our first game!” 

Yoongi starts chucking white bundles at the staff and Jungkook unfurls his to find it’s a plain t-shirt. He cocks an eyebrow at Namjoon, his trainer. 

Namjoon shrugs. “Wet t-shirt contest.” 

“Really? That seems so… basic,” Jungkook says as he pulls the shirt over his head. He wasn’t sure what to expect tonight, since no one had bothered to tell him the roster of games ahead of time, but he figured they’d be a little wilder.

Namjoon grins, dimples popping. “It’s all about giving them what they want,” he replies, nodding his head towards the crowd. “And sometimes they just want wet tiddies.” 

“Alright!” Yoongi claps from his perch on a stool near the front of the room. “Let the games begin!” Music starts thumping as he gestures to the line of servers. “Time to get wet, boys!”

The game starts with head server Hoseok slowly pouring water over himself, treating the audience to some sensational body rolls as he does so. Taehyung goes next, and rather than drag it out like Hoseok, he dumps the entire pitcher of water over his head at once, then shakes his thick fluffy hair like a dog, spraying some of the ladies in the crowd who shriek in delight. Head bartender Jin uses two cups instead of a pitcher, spinning in place as he soaks himself. Jimin, ever the showoff, puts a tray of water down on the floor, then does a dolphin kick into it, his chest dripping as he rises back up. 

Jungkook bites his lip while he waits for his turn. His competitive side is roaring to life. What can he do to make sure he wins? 

Next to him, Namjoon teases the crowd a little, flexing his massive pecs under his shirt as he dumps water over them, and the screaming in the audience gets louder as he makes them dance to the beat.

“Thank you, Namjoon!” Yoongi intones as the screams die down. “And now, time for our newest server, Jungkook! Peckerheads, let him know you’re ready!” 

The crowd gets loud again when Yoongi refers to them by the restaurant’s affectionate name for its customers. Jungkook quickly grabs four cups from the bar and fills them, then he walks into the audience. 

“Oh, looks like Jungkook’s gonna need a little help here! Won’t you help him out?” 

Hands fly into the air as audience members beg Jungkook for a cup. As he hands them out, a familiar face catches his eye. One of his repeat customers, a face he’s always happy to see on one of his shifts - you. With a wink, he gives you the last glass. Then he starts thrusting to the beat, motioning for you and the others to douse him, and the air is filled with splashes of water as Jungkook gets soaked. 

“Thanks, ladies,” he murmurs as the last drops drip down his torso. He rakes his hand through his wet hair and there’s a collective moan from the audience as he walks away. 

It’s no contest. Jungkook wins the first round. 

There’s a little break while the servers remove their sodden shirts and towel themselves off. This gives the audience time for more drinks, and Namjoon motions for Jungkook to join him at the bar for shots as well. Jungkook doesn’t drink on the job, but this is technically a party, so why not? 

“All right, let’s keep the festivities going, shall we? Gentlemen, please grab your boxes!” 

Jungkook is handed a tissue box with straps. The box is stuffed with ping pong balls. 

“Uh…” he looks at Namjoon questioningly. 

“Like this.” Namjoon demonstrates by tying the straps behind his back, so that the tissue box hangs in the front of waist like a giant ugly belt buckle. “Don’t drop any of the balls yet.” 

“O… kay.” 

“Peckerheads, if you’ll take your seats again, it’s time for everyone’s favorite - Bounce Those Balls!” Yoongi hits an air horn effect. 

Jungkook is totally lost. Jimin sees this, and leans over. 

“It’s like twerk pong. You know twerk pong?” 

Jungkook shakes his head. He does not know twerk pong.

Jimin grins. “It’s a stupid tiktok thing, people put balls in these boxes and then wear them on their butts. The goal is to be the person to ‘twerk’ the balls out the fastest. Only we don’t twerk here. We thrust.” 

Jungkook nods. “Got it.”

“Okay, once the beat drops, the game begins. On your marks, gentlemen!” Yoongi cues up another bass-heavy song, and Jungkook and the other servers start to thrust. 

Ping pong balls fly everywhere, bouncing off chairs, tables, even audience members’ faces as the servers shake their moneymakers as hard as they can. The crowd is screaming their faces off, cheering on the men, and Jungkook lets the energy fuel him as he pumps away.

Despite how hard he’s thrusting, it’s taking a shockingly long time for his box to empty. Jungkook glances down the line at the others. Jimin is twisting his hips more than he’s thrusting, so he’s no competition. Namjoon and Jin are both dancing rather sensually, to Jungkook’s surprise, and have barely lost any balls. Meanwhile, Taehyung’s doing the robot, having apparently forgotten the object of the game. 

But Hoseok. Hoseok’s got this intense look on his face that makes Jungkook shudder in fear. And the man is jackhammering like a machine, balls shooting out two by two like they’re lining up for the Ark. It’s impressive. It’s aggravating. It’s honestly a little terrifying. 

And it’s enough for Hoseok’s box to empty first. Jungkook grits his teeth as Yoongi announces the winner. It’s fine. He’ll win the next one. 

There’s another break as appetizers are brought out for the crowd by the kitchen staff, all of whom are in very high spirits tonight since none of them have to wear the sexy Santa costume the servers are stuck in. Jungkook ignores their snickering and sidles up to the bar.

“Are you having fun, rookie?” Namjoon asks, handing him two more shots. 

Jungkook shrugs, downing one. “I almost had that last contest.”

“If it makes you feel better, Hoseok wins that one every year. Man’s got the hip flexors of a god.” Namjoon rolls his eyes. “But look, none of this really matters, you know? It’s not like you get anything if you win the most games. It’s all-”

“For the customers, I know, I know.” It’s hard to quiet his competitive nature once it’s awake. Jungkook tips back his second shot. He fumbles the glass as he places it back on the counter, and it shoots across and down onto the floor behind the bar, where it promptly smashes. “Whoops.” 

He quickly ducks behind the bar to clean up his mess, not wanting to disturb Jin while he’s serving customers. While Jungkook’s crouching down with a dustpan, snippets of conversation float down to him. 

“So, how are you enjoying your first Games?” someone asks. 

“Mmm, honestly, I think you undersold them.” Jungkook recognizes your voice. “You didn’t say anything about those costumes, first of all.”

“That’s because they’re new!” The other voice giggles. “You should’ve seen last year’s, they were so freaky - just banana hammocks with reindeer faces. It’s a little weird when you see someone and all you think is, damn, Rudolph’s hung!” 

Jungkook grins to himself, suddenly happy with this year’s costume choice. 

“That does sound weird,” you agree. “But listen, I am struggling not to just stare at Jungkook’s dick in those briefs!” 

Jungkook freezes. He looks up at the bar, but he can’t see anything from this angle. He’s not about to stand up right now, though. 

“I don’t think they care if you stare,” the other person states. “I’m pretty sure that’s the whole point of those outfits.” 

“Yeah, I guess,” you sigh. “I just can’t help it, you know? I mean, god, that thing looks heavy. I bet it would feel so comforting if I held it in my mouth. Like a weighted blanket for my tongue.”

“A weighted blanket?! You’re such a weirdo!” The words are accompanied by tons of delighted giggles. 

“Whatever. I just want to suck him off so bad.”

Well, now Jungkook definitely can’t stand up, because the outfit you’re discussing is doing absolutely nothing to hide his erection. 

“Damn, I thought you had a thing for Namjoon?” 

“What, I can’t find more than one guy hot? Are you rationing my thirst?” you laugh. “Look at those two men and tell me you wouldn’t want to be the filling in a Woodpecker Oreo! Double stuffed, extra cream!” 

There’s more wild cackling and then your voice drifts away. As Yoongi takes up his mic again, Jungkook stands, adjusting himself carefully. He manages to get himself under control quickly, thanks to some strategically placed ice cubes. But he feels more motivated than ever as he rejoins the other servers on the makeshift stage. 

“It wouldn’t be Christmas without some presents, now would it?” Yoongi asks, holding up a little bag. “There’s a number on the back of your tickets. If I call your number, please join me here on the stage.” Yoongi rifles through the bag, pulling out slips of paper and calling out numbers until there are six audience members on stage. You’re among them, Jungkook notes, and his curiosity about the next game goes through the roof. 

Yoongi cuts his mic as he explains the game to the audience members, all of whom have taken a little gift bag from him and are heading back into the hallway that leads to the bathrooms. Jungkook turns to Namjoon, who shrugs. 

“I dunno. This is a new one.”  

When the audience members return, Jungkook does a little double take. Each one is now wearing a bright green pair of underwear overtop their clothes. Each pair of green panties is patterned with a vibrant red bow in the front. 

“Gentlemen, if you’ll just step aside, our chosen Peckerheads are going to line up across the stage, yep, just like that, thank you folks. Now, gentlemen, please pick your gift out of the line, and stand in front of them.” 

Jungkook nearly hip checks Namjoon out of the way to stand in front of you. You grin at him, eyes wide with excitement. He grins back. 

“Now, gentlemen, please kneel.” 

The room fills with whoops as the servers all drop to their knees. Jungkook glances up at you, enjoying the way you press your fingers into your cheeks, like you’re flustered to see him in that position. So he milks it a little, licking his lip ring before winking at you, and he can’t help but laugh when you cover your face with your hands.

“Alright boys, since you’ve all been so good this year, you get to open your gifts early. The object of the game is to remove the wrapping as quickly as you can. But! We here at Woodpeckers are consummate professionals, so we’re not going to be ripping it away with our hands like animals.” 

“Oh,” you breathe as you realize what Yoongi means. Jungkook smirks, eyeing the panties sitting over your jeans. Trying to find the right angle of attack. 

“That’s right. Keep those hands behind you at all times. The first server who completely removes their wrapping paper using nothing but their teeth wins. But remember, boys, these are precious packages in front of you, so please do handle them with care.” 

Jungkook can hear the joy in Yoongi’s voice. He knows his manager is thoroughly enjoying himself tonight. But he’s not looking at him, because he can’t seem to take his eyes off yours. 

“Be gentle,” you whisper, lips quirking in a tiny smile. 

“Is that what you really want?” Jungkook replies with a raised eyebrow.

Your eyes widen. Slowly, you shake your head. 

“Good. Do me a favor and spread ‘em.” He nods to your legs. You obey his command, lip tucked between your teeth, and he has the sudden urge to stand up and tug it out with his own teeth.

“And three, two, one - go!” 

Jungkook leans forward. Tilting his head to the side, he bites down on the crotch of the panties.

And in one swift move, rips it out completely. 

He can hear the crowd screaming behind him as he sits back on his heels, green silk hanging between his lips while he gazes at you. You look like you’re frozen, torn between running away and eating him. He kinda hopes you pick the latter.

“We have a winner!” It’s not Yoongi yelling that but your friend, the one he’d overheard you talking with at the bar. Jungkook turns to find her jumping out of her seat, waving her arms and pointing at him. 

Yoongi drags the mic over with him to inspect Jungkook’s work. “What are you talking about? He only ripped out the crotch!” 

“Yeah? And??”

Yoongi scoffs, walking back to his stool to watch the other servers continue the challenge. Jungkook doesn’t even bother to look at how they’re doing. Instead, he rises up on his knees a little to finish the job, smoothly tugging the panties down one thigh, then the other, back and forth until they’re low enough that gravity takes them the rest of the way to the ground. 

“You, uh, you didn’t have to do that,” you tell him, sucking in a shaky breath. “They already said that Taehyung won.” 

“I know,” he grins. “But I always finish what I start.” 

The grin remains on his face as he watches you return to your friend in the crowd. Namjoon offers him a hand as Yoongi announces one last break. “You look like you’re finally enjoying yourself,” he informs Jungkook. 

“I am.” Jin slides them both a shot as they belly up to the bar again. “What about you? You having fun?”

Namjoon shrugs. “I always enjoy these parties, but tonight’s been a little on the tame side, if you ask me.” 

Jungkook nods thoughtfully before tossing back his shot. “Maybe we should do something about that.”

The final game is another new one to Jungkook - the lap game. A ring of chairs has been set up on the stage area. The servers sit in every third chair, while the others are empty. Yoongi once again rattles off a series of numbers and slowly the chairs fill up with audience members - including six who take a seat right on the servers’ laps. 

“I know a lot of you remember this one from last year, but if you’re new, don’t worry, it’s simple. I’m going to ask some questions. Some are yes or no questions. If your answer to the question is ‘yes,’ you’ll move one chair to your left. If your answer is ‘no,’ you’ll move one chair to your right. Other questions will have specific moves - like ‘If you’re not wearing underwear, move two seats.’ That kind of thing.” 

Jungkook leans around the customer in his lap and glances around the circle. Most of the group is paying no attention to the instructions, either out of drunkenness or distraction, like the customer currently bouncing on Taehyung’s knee. This is going to get messy real fast.

“If there is a person already in the seat you’re moving to, congrats, they are now your seat. The boys are permanent chairs, meaning they won’t move. The game is over when the first Peckerhead makes it all the way around the circle and back to their original seat!” Yoongi pauses. “Okay, that sounded like a lot, in retrospect. Who the fuck cares, let’s go!” 

It takes about three questions before the chaos begins. Two seats away from him, Namjoon has two customers in his lap, one on each thigh. He looks completely comfortable, unlike Jimin, who somehow has three, stacked one on top of another. Jungkook doesn’t pay any attention to the questions, just smiles politely at all the customers who end up in his lap for a turn or two before moving on. 

And then you plop yourself down on his leg.

“Hi!” you beam, glancing over your shoulder to look at him. 

“Hi,” he echoes. Then he pauses. “Did Yoongi call your number again?”

“Oh, no, uh, he called my friend’s number, but she said she didn’t want to play this year. Something about an elbow and a black eye?” You shrug, unconcerned for your own health despite how rowdy this year’s game is already getting. 

Yoongi calls out another question and some of the customers rotate. A woman to Jungkook’s right knocks another off of her chair and Hoseok tries to help her back up, sending the two women in his lap teetering to the floor. Yoongi sighs loudly into the mic. 

“It’s getting a little crazy out here,” Jungkook laughs. He slips his hands around your hips, sliding you back on his thigh a little. “I better hold on to you.” 

“Mmm, yeah, you heard what Yoongi said earlier. Handle me with care, please,” you giggle, squirming a little as he tightens his grip. Your laughter is so sweet, a welcome respite from the shrieking going on around him as others move again.

Your fingers play with the fur cuff on Jungkook’s velvet chaps. “So, you’re supposed to be Santa, right? Sexy Santa, or whatever?” 

Jungkook nods, though you can’t see him with your back pressed against his chest. “Yeah, that’s the idea.” 

“Okay. Then, do you want to know what I want for Christmas this year?” You glance down at him, a shy smile on your face.

Another customer tries to sit on Jungkook’s other leg and immediately your shy smile dissolves, becoming a fierce glare. “I think Yoongi said to move two seats,” you snap, hand covering Jungkook’s other thigh possessively, and the other woman flinches, nodding in agreement, moving away quickly. Jungkook’s 99% sure that Yoongi in fact said to move only one seat.

You turn back to Jungkook with an innocent expression. “So? Do you want to hear my wish?” 

Jungkook’s so turned on, he’s praying to the underwear gods that his briefs don’t snap from the force of his erection. “I’m pretty sure I can guess.” 

“Is that so?” You squirm again, and Jungkook realizes you’re not reacting to the strength of his fingers as they dig into your sides. He flexes his thigh and gets his confirmation in the form of a low hiss. “Shit!”

“Yep. Just as I thought.” The circle shifts around him. “You really haven’t done any of the stuff Yoongi’s said?”

“Huh?”

“The questions. You haven’t moved for the last five rounds.” 

“Oh. That’s because I stopped listening when I sat down,” you confess, grinning at him. “I’m not here to play the game, I’m here to play with you.” 

Jungkook tongues his lip ring, rocking you back on his flexed thigh again. You stifle a moan, fingers curling into fists, and he does it again. “Well then, let’s play.” 

As the game falls apart around him, Jungkook focuses all his attention on your reactions to his movements. He rolls your hips back and forth, sliding you more firmly into him when your strangled sighs start to get louder. 

Yoongi finally stops asking questions, since more than half the circle is no longer listening, too caught up in their own debauchery, and Jungkook sees his opportunity. He leans forward, pressing his lips against your ear. 

“There’s a supply room between the bathrooms. Meet me there in five minutes.” With one final squeeze, he releases his hold on your hips. You glance back at him for a moment before you rise and walk away. 

Five minutes later, he knocks on the door. You open it and let him slip past you into the room. As you go to shut the door, a large hand slaps against it, holding it open. 

“Hold on.” Namjoon grins as you step back to let him in. “Now you can lock it.” 

“Um. What are we…” you trail off, gaze bouncing between the two men. 

“We’re here to fulfill your Christmas wish.” Jungkook grins at your confused expression. He loops an arm around your waist, pulling you against his chest, as Namjoon slides behind you, hands rubbing circles over your hips. “I told you I knew exactly what you wanted, didn’t I?” 

“You did,” you say slowly, practically hypnotized by Jungkook’s tongue as he licks his lips. “But how…?” 

“Four little words,” Jungkook smirks. You gasp as Namjoon’s lips trace along the back of your neck, and close your eyes when Jungkook drags his mouth down your jaw. “Double stuffed, extra cream.”

Masterlist ❄️ Find me on AO3 ❄️

© 2022-23 by sunshinerainbowsbts/minisugakoobies. Crossposted to AO3. Please do not copy or repost.

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[bluehwale]

okay so idk if you’re taking requests or not, BUT BUT BUT could u please write ateez as chb demigods (kind of like the jongho one), the scream i let out when i read demigod on the post was a bit embarrassing tbh

also hi new follower 👋 gonna go stalk ur masterlist/s don’t mind me :))

the rainbow thief | demigods! poly ateez au

02 / ‘the rainbow thief’ masterpost / prev / next

summary. eight demigods find themselves ecstatic over finally mustering up enough courage to let you know about their unbridled feelings for you, only to find a threat looming upon them; a rainbow thief that's set out to steal you.

or alternatively,

your best friends are oblivious to your reciprocating feelings.

pairing(s). ot8 demigods! ateez x daughter of iris! reader (son of hades! hongjoong, son of athena! hwa, son of apollo! yunho, son of poseidon! yeosang, son of zeus! san, son of aphrodite! mingi, son of dionysus! wooyoung & son of ares! jongho)

word count. 3.1k

genre. pure crack, angst if you squint real hard until ur eyes close, tons of fluff, literally the dumbest thing i've written help, basically idiots2lovers, ateez are chronic simps to the point where it's hard to watch, borderline unhinged behavior, they are also himbos!

warnings. alcohol intake (wooyoung and his wine), cursing, not proofread sorry </3

note. hi! this has been sitting in my drafts for a long while and i'm so sorry it took so long to be posted (almost d worded bc of my assignments) anyways, i kinda added a spin on this req by making it a poly fic, i hope you don't mind! thankyou so so much for being my first ever request<3 hv a great day!! ily ^3^ ++ feedback would be greatly appreciated pls i need to improve my writing

masterlist

San thinks this is definitely a level nine code red.

To give you an understanding of San’s Catastrophe Indicator, here’s some scale to context; a level eight would be Wooyoung somehow finding out his deepest darkest secret— that he still sleeps with his plushies every night; and a level ten would be getting zapped on the ass by his dad’s lightning bolt (and potentially having to stay in the infirmary for a week). So yes, a level nine is alarming, if not, exceptionally lethal.

It’s been exactly 53 minutes and 46 seconds since San has been watching you enthusiastically converse with an unfamiliar boy who’s sitting a little too close to you for his liking. His heart aches at the way you throw your head back as you let out your endearing giggles and how you teasingly shove his arm while the boy looks over to you with a grin, probably proud of a joke he told that made you laugh.

(It has also been 53 minutes and 46 seconds since the pink haired boy remains frozen behind a tree— the perfect hiding spot, he mused— all the while trembling like a leaf as he struggles to resist the temptation of flying in your direction curled up as a ball to hopefully cannonball the boy off the bench beside you.)

San huffs, he won’t let this be! It’s supposed to be the special day where he and the boys finally let you know about their feelings, and he would rather backflip off a cliff than let this undeniably handsome, seemingly perfect, flawlessly flirty guy who looks like he jumped out of a popular romance anime seduce you!

He falters, however, when he sees you stand up and grasp the boy’s hand to rise along with you. 

The poor boy’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets when he sees you inch closer to the blue haired boy, a pretty smile evident on your face as he then wraps an arm around you, pulling you close while whispering something into your ear that makes you blush. 

This can’t be happening! 

San’s hands turn jittery as he unconsciously moves away from his hiding spot, needing to get closer to you, his best friend that he’s been hopelessly in love with for years, but he can feel his heart finally breaking when you excitedly pull the boy into a warm embrace.

Snap!

Your head looks up to see San pausing his steps after accidentally stepping on a tree branch with eyes as wide as a deer caught in headlights. You innocently wave at him and San prays that the ground would swallow him whole.

He feels his hands grow clammy as he ungracefully dives behind a trash can to (unsuccessfully) hide himself from you and the unfamiliar boy walking together towards his direction. But of course, with the unmistaken pop of his pink hair, it’s hard not to notice him— especially for you.

“San!”

The demigod curses under his breath when he sees you in front of him and sheepishly stands up to meet your amused eyes. The blue-haired boy beside you stifles a laugh with an unconvincing cough and San thinks he hears the male mumble, “Oh, is this one of them—” before you elbow him on the stomach, cutting him off as he groans.

You pay no attention to the boy beside you as he doubles over in pain to clutch his gut, you turn to brightly grin at your best friend instead. “Meet Yeonjun! He just got here yesterday and, oh, he’s an Aphrodite kid! I think you both would get along pretty well.”

San feels his eye twitch. He tunes out your voice that rings throughout the air as you introduce him to your new friend.

A son of Aphrodite. Your new friend.

Aphrodite. The goddess of beauty and love. 

His heart sinks into his stomach.

This might be even worse than a code red level nine.

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“There better be a good reason for San to drag me here in the middle of drafting up my Capture the Flag strategy plans.” Seonghwa, the brain and only hope of the group, crosses his arms and tsks. 

The state of an emergency calls San and Mingi (an Aphrodite kid and the first San ran to for consultation) to round up everyone in the infirmary, an unfitting spot to hold their “emergency meeting” but the two boys couldn’t wait for Yunho’s healer shift to end. Mingi taps his feet anxiously when it looks like San’s unwillingness to speak due to his sullen mood means that he will have to be the one to break the news.

Ever the poster child of rationality, he slowly starts, “We think… _____ might be interested in someone.”

“You mean some people,” Wooyoung cackles, sipping his wine from an ‘I LOVE DIONYSUS’ mug as he gestures to his best friends sitting around in a circle. “There’s nothing to worry about, everyone in camp told me she’s 100% gonna accept our confession. They even think we’re all already dating.” The boy proudly smiles, taking another sip of his wine as his stomach flutters at the thought of you.

“She’s in love with an Aphrodite kid,” San blurts out.

Splatters of red wine burst out of Wooyoung’s mouth when San’s words finally registers in his mind, leaving him to stammer and gape wordlessly as chaos ensues with the rest of the boys.

“What are you talking about?!” gasped Seonghwa, any previous thought of his strategy plans immediately forgotten.

“But— but we were supposed to tell her today!” Yunho, ever in tune with his emotions, wails while his hands slap his face to cover his already leaking eyes. “What are we gonna do with the humongous bouquet I requested the Demeter kids to make last night?!” He reaches out a shaky finger to point at the flower bouquet and an equally large teddy bear taking up a whole corner of the infirmary. 

Amidst the commotion, Mingi locks his arms around Yeosang who seems to have resigned from his body completely and looks like he’d willingly give himself up as lunch for any nearby sea monster. “Guys, calm down, maybe this is all just a misunderstanding—”

“An Aphrodite kid, you say?” interrupted Jongho, already rolling up his sleeves to relieve his bulging biceps from ripping his shirt apart. “What’s this guy’s name and what does he look like?”

“Jongho, you’re not killing anyone—”

“Mingi’s right,” Hongjoong sighs, eerily calm besides the smoke fuming from his nostrils and his eyes that glint devilishly. “Instead of killing him, making him suffer throughout his afterlife sounds much better, I’ll make sure my dad takes note of him.” 

“That’s not what I meant!” interjects Mingi who, still grasping a Yeosang who’s ready to jump up and dash off into the ocean, shoots a desperate look begging for help to the eldest. 

“Maybe he’s trying to seduce her into a pyramid scheme?” Seonghwa supplies weakly, brain racking to find any other reason to support the idea that maybe you’re merely close with this person as friends and not because you’re in love with him.

“And why the fuck would he do that?”

“We demigods aren’t immune to capitalism.”

“It’s hopeless,” counters San, shutting everyone else up. They look over to him with furrowed brows and trembling lips, one that matches his own. “You weren’t there– you didn’t see what I saw. She looked so happy.”

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The eight sulky boys toddle around mopily as they pick apart the romance-themed decorations littered around the hidden area you all claimed as your group’s private hangout place. They can’t help but feel dejected over the fact that you— their best friend who they’ve been in love with for years, like someone else.

“Thought I’d find you guys here.”

Speak of the devil.

Their heads snap to find you walking on the path of rose petals they prepared earlier today, dressed in a baby blue mini dress you reserve only for special occasions instead of your usual get up of the orange Camp Half-Blood shirt and jeans. An easy smile rests on your face as you greet your best friends and they can’t help but feel their hearts grow heavier at the sight (except for Yeosang who is too busy panicking over you possibly noticing the ‘We Love You _____!’ banner that is still on display).

“______, what are you doing here?” The glint in your eyes visibly falters at Seonghwa’s question, your excitement twisting into unbridled nerves that settles uncomfortably in your gut when you notice everyone staring at you as if you shouldn’t be here.

Word spreads crazy fast in camp and it didn’t take long for you to overhear about the surprise the boys had planned for you. Although it unsettles you that the boys might be upset at their spoiled attempt of surprising you, you can’t help but feel giddy at the thought of them liking you back after all these years of you believing that your feelings went unreciprocated. 

So imagine your confusion when none of your best friends showed up to lead you to your surprise and that, after happily skipping all the way here, you find them hostile in your presence.

“Uh,” you trail off, nervously picking at the skin around your fingernails as you try to gauge their reactions. “It’s just… I didn’t see any of you today except for San. I missed you guys.”

It seems like that was the wrong thing to say as the boys, to your confusion, suddenly broke in tears.

“You can’t say things like that!” Yeosang hiccups, bringing a hand to his face to wipe the steady stream of tears falling from his eyes and earning broken mutters of agreement from the other boys.

"Wha—What?" you stammer, surprised at their reactions. What’s going on?

“You shouldn’t say things like that when you know we can’t have you.”

“What do you mean? Why can’t you?”

“Because you’re in love with someone else!”

You pause. “Huh?” Any trace of your previous nervousness vanished, instead replaced with rejoicement at the thought of them being jealous over you with someone else. You restrain the urge to giggle.

“It’s okay, ____. We understand,” sniffles Seonghwa, clamping his hand over Wooyoung’s mouth who was clinging onto his arm while yelling: ‘NO, WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND!’ It took awhile for the eldest to eventually tackle the younger to the ground, suppressing him by placing his weight over him while Wooyoung continues to let out muffled yelps as he struggles. Seonghwa turns to you and offers a weak smile, the usual shine in his eyes nowhere to be seen. “We’re happy for you.”

You try to contain your amusement. “You are?”

“We are,” Yunho nods, hastily wiping away his own tears to hold both of your hands in his (you can distinctly hear Wooyoung’s muffled scream of ‘WE’RE NOT!’ in the background). “We’ll always be here for you. We’ll always be your best friends.”

“That’s gonna be a problem, though,” you chide lightly, feeling the smile you’ve been trying to mask creep up to your face. “I want you to be more than just best friends.”

It took a couple seconds for the sulky boys to register what you said and when they did, you’d think they’d won the lottery or something (you’re pretty sure Jongho leaped three feet up in the air). 

“But what about that Aphrodite kid?”

You turn to Hongjoong in confusion. “What Aphrodite kid?”

Everyone turns to accusingly look at a certain pink haired boy. 

San gulps. “Yeonjun,” he mutters. It comes out sounding more like a question than a statement.

“...Yeonjun?” you burst into laughter, uncontrollable giggles escaping you from how ridiculous this is. “We’re just friends and he has a boyfriend. I was even talking about you guys all day to him!”

“Y—you were?” San stutters, already feeling the pointed glares burning on his back. “I—I thought you liked him…” 

“I don’t,” you reassure them with a smile. “How could I when I’m in love with you guys?”

Mingi lets out a relieved scream, enveloping you in a tight hug to bury his face in your hair and inhale his favorite scent— the sweet smell of coconuts; you. “You don’t know how happy I am to hear that. We’ve been in love with you too.”

You take a peek from Mingi’s embrace to see the other boys celebrating; Wooyoung’s already chugging down a freshly opened bottle of wine while the rest of the boys are simultaneously doing tiny hops in a group hug and letting out excited yelps. Your cheeks ache from grinning too hard at how cute your boys are.

“_____! We need to go to the infirmary, we prepared something for you!” Yunho excitedly pulls at your arm, just remembering the bouquet and teddy bear for you, separating you from the blonde giant who’s now sporting a pout at you leaving him. 

You and Yunho both merrily skip your way to the infirmary with your hands intertwined and pink dusting your cheeks, unknowingly leaving a pink haired boy to meet his doom.

“Aha, who would’ve thought that she’s not actually in love with another guy?” San forced out a nervous chuckle, slowly backing up from his best friends and wishing he could disappear just about right now. “No hard feelings right? Everyone makes mistakes—”

“Shut up. Come here.”

Not too long after, a loud scream rings throughout the camp.

(“That sounds so much like San, don’t you think?” you worriedly ask the boy beside you who’s dwarfed behind the huge teddy bear he’s helping you carry to the Iris Cabin. 

“Nah, that’s not San.” Yunho calmly shrugs, his smirk hidden behind the gigantic bear plushie as he thinks of his own revenge against the culprit for his whirlwind of emotions he went through earlier today.)

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INTERLOGUE

BEFORE THE EMERGENCY MEET UP IN THE INFIRMARY…

“Mingi.”

“Huh?” The blonde boy in question looks up to see San barging into his room, looking as if he ran a marathon to Aphrodite’s cabin (which is exactly what he did). “How did you even get inside?”

San ignores his question. “You have a new brother?”

“Oh, Yeonjun?” Mingi nonchalantly asks, missing the way San’s figure goes rigid at his name as he returns to applying black polish on his nails. “Yeah, he just got here yesterday. Cool guy. What’s up?”

“I think _____’s in love with him.”

“What?!”

[mdhwrites]

Was Boscha Mistreated In S3?

TL:DR Boscha is actually one of the best written parts of S3, mostly because she actually has some efficiency to how she was written. This does not mean the writing succeeds in its goals because the misguided priorities and management of S3 of TOH is why this isn't some sort of praise. It is the ALMOST success in three specials that I think are objectively a complete failure of writing.

@hinobodyishere wanted a follow up to their previous ask about Boscha and I at first dismissed and deleted it, partially due to misinterpretation. That since we did get Boscha in S3, how was she handled? Was she given respect in regards to the trauma foisted upon her?

Well... Yeah actually. For the most part she is. They genuinely tried to give her a sympathetic character arc and their fumbling of it didn't have to do with disrespect, it had to do with one of the DUMBEST decisions of all of S3 I think. Not one that breaks themes just... Why would you do this? I have NO explanation for why the choice while I can at least tell you a concept for why other things were done.

But let's start with the good and that's that in a season that has some of the absolute least efficient storytelling I have EVER seen, especially in terms of wrapping shit up, Boscha keeps her biggest strength as a character and that is weirdly subtlety and in turn efficiency. Anyone who loves Boscha can probably back me up on this that so many of her weird quirks as a character come from small choices. I've talked in the past about how Amity is the ONLY person she never is mean or cruel to, even once Amity abandons her and that shows how subservient she was to Amity, not the other way around like most people portray it. This also coincides with her response to Luz coming to die. "Wow, you're a really good friend." And that implies she genuinely does understand friendship and loyalty and from what we can tell, she may be mean to even those around her but she is ALWAYS loyal and faithful to those she cares about. She knows what being a good friend is.

I bring this up not just to praise Boscha but also to lead into her trauma. We are explicitly shown her losing essentially her last two friends. Any trace of what her past was is GONE because of the Collector (your reminder that the Collector is a fucking monster btw). She is the last of her friend group. The last one still carrying the torch for what she thought reality was before Amity kicked her to the curb out of nowhere. Skara presumably did the same to be a part of the Entrails. Her reality is already fracturing and it was her own failure this time to protect them that led them to die. She is all that exists of the Banshees anymore. This is reinforced by how Miki manipulates her. She threatens Boscha with being in danger. With being vulnerable, something she's not used to because she always saw herself as Queen Bee and either sharing a throne with Amity or by herself. She is desperately holding onto what little she has left.

Willow's scene next is... Up and down to put it mildly. It is mostly to dogpile on the already heavy and EXTREMELY forced shit they're doing with Willow. A reminder: No one is asking fuck all of Willow this episode, few EVER have, and yet 'Dependable Willow' comes out of fucking nowhere. So while Boscha talking about the weight of responsibility is actually good for her, it is in line with the rest of Boscha's feeling that she's pressured to keep walls up against the world, it's not really anything new and it has little to do with her current trauma. At best, it helps explain why she's leading Hexside because she's the one who actually will take responsibility.

Then we get to the scene I mostly LOVE. Yes, I am a Lumischa shipper but I don't like it for the unrequited love angle. Like I said before, Boscha has lost EVERYTHING. She has lost way more than any of our 'trauma' victims amongst the Hexside crew. Even Hunter was never alone like she has been for MONTHS after having to watch TWO of her friends die instead of just one like Hunter did. The closest he ever got was the time between Hollow Mind and Labyrinth Runners which was like what? A week? It is genuinely incredible how shitty Boscha's life has been the entire time since the Collector showed up. Miki isn't even really a friend. She feeds into Boscha's fears and paranoia. She is actively trying to pull out the most damaged and worst parts of Boscha, essentially using her PTSD against her, for again, MONTHS.

So here is her chance to get SOMETHING back. To reverse the original sin that shattered her world. Finally, the Blight mentality that she must have at least gotten some of from Amity that she's lived her life with can come back. Amity can come back. That's why she's desperate and pleading with her. Then-

"Boscha, you're hurting me!"

I... There is something about the delivery of that line that makes my skin crawl in a way I can't 100% justify. It's not even out of character. It's her last chance after all so she'll go pretty far to keep Amity there. It's just... Not many characters physically hurt each other and Boscha doing it here comes across, especially after the faux confession, like a needy ex getting ready to assault their old lover. For an episode that is essentially trying to redeem Boscha, I don't think it's a good choice. She's been villainous enough already, you didn't need to go that extra step but that may just be me.

But, writing wise, this scene is correct. It is her darkest hour. The moment that forces her to self reflect and choose a path. Is she a Banshee, or is she a slave? Does she stand proud like she always has but now for the right reasons or does she cower in villainy?

And we don't get a proper climax. Then again, neither did the episode.

We're going on a tangent but bear with me because it sets up what I think needed to happen. See, Boscha showing up and promising to kick Kikimora's ass off screen is... Bad. It's not a climax, it's instead tepid and weak, complete with, in the SECOND TO LAST EPISODE, "Don't think we're square" or whatever the fuck Willow says to Boscha. Why? Why are you STILL kicking narrative cans down the lane instead of actually giving any fucking resolutions? It's so indicative of the entire problem of S3 just having no fucking clue, nor interest, in wrapping anything up or giving any sort of real satisfaction to narrative plot points IT CREATES.

Worse yet is tying this around Kikimora of all people! I actually don't hate her as a character but like Boscha, the minute Belos is dead, her utility is over. Her dramatic weight has been gone for over half a season because ever since Falls and Follies, she's been a gag character. Yet, she's canonically beaten our main characters as many times as Belos has and unlike Belos, the main cast has never beaten her themselves, especially in a fair fight if you want to count Hunter's fight against her while she's drugged as a win against her. This is a character who is going to get the same reaction Luz gave: "You again? REALLY!?" because like... Why? Of all the characters to bring back, why bring back Kikimora as a final antagonist? I actually do have explanations for that, it's part of why S3 could never have been good even with a longer version of itself, but different blog.

No, it is the fact that despite bringing her back, despite giving her another objective win against our heroes... She isn't beat. We actually don't even know if Hexside succeeds in beating her. In this adventure show, the villain could have just peaced the fuck out and kept doing whatever she wanted instead of getting her ass beat and giving us a real action scene, something that is sorely lacking in For the Future. It makes no sense narratively, by genre convention, or thematically. And don't claim they ran out of time because that means they kept Kikimora through however many drafts it takes to make an episode and somehow decided to never write in how to actually give a climax to this episode that isn't just Camila and Luz talking about a subject that ANY villain could inspire by kicking Luz's ass.

So. What should have been here?

My suggestion is a roughly three minute trick, maybe less. I'm not asking for a lot of time, you can probably get it from not bothering to show Belos during the main portion of the episode and let him showing up at the Collector's Castle be his whole appearance because the foreshadowing of Caleb leads to literally nothing. In this fight scene though, we'll get our redemption.

Luz is lost and they're still struggling against Kikimora. Suddenly, Kikimora gasps and fires past them. Her shot shows scattered stone and smoke... And Belos walks through it. He smirks at Kiki and asks, "Ah, I see you're still as impulsive as ever." Kiki fires again as Belos gets past Hunter who is seperating the others from Belos. They all see a stone pillar rise at the last second and explode. Amity sees Belos wink at her while hidden by the smoke and looks across the way. Emira winks back at her.

Belos waves a hand and from the Earth, an abomination of rock, dirt and plant begins to rise. He speaks again but we don't look at Belos, we see Emira with Barkus next to her down a potion, her eyes glow with oracle magic and she speaks through that, channeling Belos more purely than she could otherwise. Kikimora screams at him that he's dead and starts to pummel the abomination when a screech sounds from above. Viney drops a potion from Puddles and it crashes into Kikimora's cockpit. From it, tentacles comes out, trying to grab Kikimora but instead knocking her out of it. She falls. The ground zooms close. She shuts her single eye to brace for impact.

It doesn't come.

She opens her eye. She is met by three.

Boscha keeps her face close and her voice low as she says, "You tried to silence me. You tried to take the last thing a Banshee has to her. The thing that anyone who knew our team, knew my friends, would be familiar with. The only thing that'd confuse them is that it's not a nerd in my hand but a little snake. I for one welcome the change." Boscha's face is lit up and you can see fire dancing in her eyes as she says, "Now, like a Banshee, let me hear you SCREAM!"

And Kikimora's scream scatters the birds as a pillar of flame erupts. We don't see the body, to keep it ambiguous and for pacing. Instead, Viney shows up to give a bit of healing and tell them they can go, we've got this. Then everyone leaves and joins back up with Luz to be kidnapped by the Collector.

In this version, we get a real climax and an actual send off to Hexside. Besides Skara, who could be shown coordinating things for a moment, we get a send off of all the named characters we know. I didn't mention Matt but his construction magic is there. So is illusions. So is a lot of types of magic working together, you know, like the show says is better, to pull this off. True unity between more characters than we get in the FINALE. And then a final moment for Boscha to make it clear she's still her but she knows who deserves her rage now rather than using it simply to stay on top.

It is A resolution to the core plot of the episode. You know, that thing that never happened, instead we got the SECOND resolution of Luz's character arc and that was it. Even if people might have still called it filler, it would at least have served as not just a cameo for Hexside but a curtain call for it that also highlights the changes to the kids there that Luz introduced. It would have SOME sort of point besides being there for Willow/Huntlow fans and a very forced "I want to be understood" that only makes sense from a meta perspective and makes Luz look like an over demanding bitch in canon.

But we didn't get anything like that. Why? ...I don't fucking know. I use a lot of words to try to explain shit but I've got nothing for you. The best I can is that it's because the writers felt obligated to include Hexside but no one actually cared about it or its characters and I just don't know why you would write that way, not when you had so much else to wrap up.

But for wrapping up this blog: Boscha continues to be one of the most weirdly nuanced characters of all of TOH and I kind of have to assume at this point it was entirely on accident. If attention would have ruined her, I would rather they disrespect her and let her stand tall as the time the broken clock was right. See you next tale.

======+++++======

This is your reminder that at chapter 28, Boscha hijacked my over 300k word behemoth, with over 100 chapters, and essentially became the main character of a story that was supposed to be Lumischa. I LOVE writing this bitch and have thought way too much about her.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[kakujis]

love meter test - keisuke!;

synopsis: u test out the love meter filter on tiktok. it does not give u the answer u want.

warnings: swearing, gn!reader, semi-whiny!reader, not proofread! thats about it.

a/n: this is the dumbest thing i've ever written but i could NOT get the love meter test to give me and baji a good score so u know what?? i wrote about it! this is also all @fuyuluvr's fault. but also u should def read their blue lock ver: here.

baji keisuke is immediately up the second he hears the front door slam open, followed by your wails reverberating through the shared apartment. he jumps up from his desk chair, abandoning whatever vet textbook he was studying, running straight to the living room.  he spots you, hiccuping and sobbing, “kei! kei! come here! please!”

you wipe at your tears, streaming down your face freely as your boyfriend comes to grab your shoulders. “hey! hey! baby what happened, what’s wrong?” his adrenaline is pumping, as he scans your body, looking for any bodily injuries. there’s tons of questions running through his head like: did you get hurt? did someone threaten you? 

you’re clear of any physical injuries, instead throwing your phone out towards him, “this piece of shit! this piece of shit app!” you wail, and baji tilts his head. 

“huh?” he says as he grabs the device. “what am i looking at?” baji stares quizzically at himself in the camera, above him being a bright pink “test your love!” box. 

you sniffle, “it keeps giving us awful scores. like shit tier, bottom of the barrel, the absolute worst.”  you say, quickly moving to your drafts to show the low scores the two of you kept getting. but baji barks a laugh at the way your face deflates in each video, a measly “12%....yeaaaaa” is the last one, in which your tears well-up uncontrollably. “s’not funny!” 

“gimme that,” he says, swiping it from you and you don’t even protest. “let me try.”

you keep sniffling, “it doesn’t matter, keisuke, we’re not soulmates, we’re not twin-flames, we’re not even besties.” and you start to sob, again, but baji pulls you in, one arm looped around your shoulder. 

“no, you just don’t have the magic touch is all.” he grins, flashing you his fangs, as he begins typing in your names. 

“yeah and you clearly do.” you roll your eyes, before grabbing his arm, eyes wide, “....you spelled my name wrong!” you blubber, and keisuke raises a brow. 

“what? no, i didn’t.” he says, squinting at the letters on the screen. 

“yes you did!” you rip the phone from his hands, backspacing and typing both your names in, to make sure he doesn’t mess that up too.

“huh, i did.” he mutters, “my bad.”

“this is why we aren’t soulmates!” you yell, “the app was right!” 

“stop whining and watch.” he says, an air of confidence surrounds him as he presses record, “see! we’re going up!” 

“it just started. you gotta wait,” your tears have subsided at this point, as the both of you stare intently at the screen. 

the grin on baji’s face starts to fall as the number continues to lower until it reaches a measly 54% - besties. “see i told you-” but baji clears the video and tries it again, face scrunched up in frustration. but the more he does, the more it lowers, the next is 24%, then 12%, until it reaches a depressing 6%.

it’s quiet as you pout, blinking your red rimmed eyes. you start to reach for your phone, but baji doesn’t let you. his face is unreadable as he swiftly turns and walks towards the window, before he chucks the device out. 

you rush over, gasping, “keisuke, why the fuck did you just do that?!” you say, arriving just in time to watch it fall to the ground before it shatters into pieces on the street below. 

“your phone was hacked or fucking rigged or something!” he grumbles, pulling you close. “we’re literally soulmates. twin flares or whatever you’re always saying.” 

“… it’s twin flames.” you correct, and he mutters out a “whatever.” 

“but, my phone…” you continue, sadly staring at it below. 

“i’ll just get you a new one,” he snorts, besides no stupid app was gonna have his soulmate crying and this way he made sure of it. “how much was it?” 

“i dunno, like 1k or something, my parents got it for me as a gift.” you shrug and baji nearly chokes. you blink up at him, fluttering your now dried lashes. “you’re gonna get me a new phone, right?” 

“y-yeah…” he nods fervently, starting to sweat a little as he starts thinking that maybe he shouldn’t be so impulsive. fuck. he’s gonna have to ask chifuyu for extra shifts. 

[blushblushbear]

cashew headcanons please im so so gay for him

TIME FOR DIS NUT aka our darling little bookworm

cut cause I went on for a bit and none of it is important OOPS

okay first off since he's a college boy let's start with the fact that he has zero alcohol tolerance

like none

he'll have 2 sips of a light beer or a half a shot of malibu and he's red in the face sweating and swaying like 'oh wow, I'm really feeling it haha'

Same with coffee

anything past a normal strength cup he's VIBRATING

he doesn't have a heart condition like Nimh but give him a shot of espresso and he'll think he does

is constantly waiting for someone to ask him for book recommendations

and when they do he is sponge bob's eager face BOY IS OVER THE MOON

also he doesn't just read good books

he'll literally read anything

he ADORES trashy novels

especially if they're spicy *eyebrow wiggle*

he recognizes they aren't good but they are so wild and out of pocket like

WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S SECRETLY HIS EX'S BROTHER AND ALSO HIS STEP MOM'S LOVER AND DATING HIS EVIL SECRET HALF COUSIN WHOSE TRYING TO KILL THEIR UNCLE AND HIS DAD BUT CAUGHT FEELINGS AND IS NOW PLOTTING TO TAKE HIM HOSTAGE ////WHAT?!////

he'd love shows like gossip girl and pretty little liars if they were BOOKS instead

except OOPS they are actually and he'd love to infodump about that little fact to me if I let him (at least I think they both are?? I know pretty little liars is-- THAT PLOT IS /NUTS/)

honestly he loves when things are written well but he also loves when plots are NUTS

the only kind of nuts he can have

well... second kind

he'd be a secret college slut (respectfully and also def not actually a secret) if he wasn't head over heels for you

now he's just in your dms/texts constantly

his family is just as quiet and mousey as he is

everyone is just as nerdy

though his dad doesn't read as much-- he's more tv and movies and games nerd

he gets his love of books from his mom's side

he'd KILL to be a librarian

or work at a bookstore

English major vibes

but not just vibes that actually is his major lol

has def had a crush on 3 different librarians growing up and 1 creative writing teacher

can't math for shit

his favorite parts of campus friends taking him on nights out is him getting to read in little corners he can find and the 3am breakfasts at the local diner

I've talked about this before but him Nimh and Poe are in a book club together

he thinks Nimh is the coolest cause he's a PA for a publisher

can read a harry potter length book series in an afternoon (also hates terfs <3 )

his favorite genres are romance of any kind but he does have a special fondness for the trashier romances, fantasy, and he does love a mystery but mostly cause he can never see the twists coming

the smartest idiot you'll ever meet

or maybe he's the dumbest smart guy???

either way he is both very clever and very simple all at once

also very well meaning

incapable of wrong

only of oops

(a lot of oops actually, he's kinda clumsy)

once went a whole day without eating cause someone recommended a new series and he LIKED IT VERY MUCH

I wish for the life of me I could remember ANY book series atm

I know of a few by like--- vaguely what they're about but I can't remember their names

he could though

he will spend whole dates telling you the plot of a book series in great detail

loves pets

not great with them

also low key allergic to a few

big rip cause he loves cuddles

cries over a cat at a distance while sniffing

also really likes birds

met a few birds as a squirrel and now he knows Poe who was a bird so like--

birds are buds of his

can't say no to something cute

cute eraser, cute pen, cute notebook, cute cookie, cute you

just can't refuse cute

would totally rock a cottage core vibe if he could manage to keep a plant alive

he lost his ficus Marcel and he's still low key getting over it

uses a wallet sized photo of you as a book mark

def has you or a pic of you and him as a lock screen

the home screen is a pic of a page of a book

is very good at those 'name the book this opening line is from' challenge

good omens, both the book and the show, WRECKED HIM

actually good omens was his fav book to screen adaption thus far

he has a few others but he's more excited about good omens

wants to be friends with Aziraphale

I could ramble on forever but I think I'll end it here

loves that hack where you put cheese on ramen

[gimmethatagustd]

sksjshsj sorry i’m in a silly goofy mood so instead of destroying you with a pic, imma make you giggle. (or roll your eyes. either one) i have nothing in mind in regards of pairing so honestly go wild boo. 🤘🏽😌

Jungkook doesn't appreciate Taehyung's Men in Black costume, and that's very rude of him.

↳ pairing: taehyung x jungkook

↳ rating/genre: BTS | 18+ | established relationship | halloween | smut | fluff | humor

↳ wc/date: 1.3k | October 2023

↳ warnings: jokes that you'll only understand if you have knowledge about men in black and the jada pinkett smith x will smith x other men "entanglements" lmfaoo, slander against the Heterosexuals, an attempt at roleplay lol (work relationship, infidelity, tae forces jk to call him 'sir' lol), tae is weird as hell (what do you expect?), a very unserious blowjob

↳ notes: this is probably the dumbest thing i've ever written in my entire life, and i love it so much

↳ masterlist / taglist

↳ what was jai listening to? men in black - will smith

Halloween 2023 Masterlist

“See that?” 

“Taehyung, I don’t feel like doing this right now.” 

“See. That?” 

Jungkook heaves a loud sigh and leans away, the back of his head gently knocking against the bedroom door. He tilts his chin slightly to look directly into Taehyung’s eyes. Since Jungkook isn’t wearing his signature chunky boots, Taehyung is taller than him. 

Typically, Jungkook knows he looks at Taehyung like he put the stars in the skies (and in Jungkook’s eyes), but today…

“Fine,” Jungkook concedes with a roll of his eyes. “Yes, hyung, I see it.” 

Taehyung’s eyes aren’t visible through the dark, alien-esque sunglasses he’s wearing, but Jungkook is sure he’s squinting in a way that Taehyung probably thinks is menacing. 

Taehyung holds up a small silver object connected to a thin chain around his neck. 

“NYPD!” Taehyung shakes the police badge in Jungkook’s face. Jungkook releases another heavy sigh. “Means I’ll Knock Your Punkass Down!” 

“Knock is spelled with a ‘K’ in English, babe.” 

“Jungkook-ah, you’re ruining the moment.” 

“I’m ruining the moment?! You already killed my boner! I’m not gonna do this weird fucking Men in Black roleplay with you!” 

Taehyung rips off his glasses and lets out that little whiny sound he makes when he isn’t getting what he wants. Normally, Jungkook finds it cute. Today, his boyfriend isn’t cute in the slightest. 

(Okay, maybe a little bit. He does look nice in his fitted suit and fluffy bangs. A little.) 

“Why do you hate fun?” 

Pushing Taehyung’s chest, Jungkook forces him out of his way. “This is not fun.” 

Taehyung scrambles after Jungkook as he walks over to their dresser to look for a fresh change of pajamas. Namjoon’s Halloween party lasted longer than Jungkook expected, and he has work in the morning. He’d love to get out of the ugly New Balances, khakis, and blue and white checkered button-up he’s wearing. 

(Dressing Jungkook up as a Straight Person was Taehyung’s idea, and Jungkook hates to admit that it was a great fucking idea. Straight People are very spooky, right?) 

“But I imitate Will Smith so well.” 

Jungkook twists around to stare at Taehyung, a pair of boxers and a white tank top clutched in his hands. “If you don’t cut this shit out, I’m gonna go Jada fucking Pinkett Smith on your ass and act like I don’t know who the fuck you are.” 

Taehyung gasps, clasping a hand against his chest. “And to think I was going to suck you off before we went to bed. You asshole.” 

Jungkook swallows and tries to keep his voice steady as he asks, “You what?” 

“Nope,” Taehyung tuts with a waggle of his finger. “You rejected me.” 

“No, I didn’t.” 

“Yes, you did!” 

“Babe,” Jungkook tosses his clothes back into the drawer and grabs Taehyung by his skinny black tie. “All I said was that I wasn’t having fun. But, the other thing, sounds fun…” 

Taehyung snorts. “I shouldn’t have let you wear that outfit. You’re acting like such a horny dudebro right now.” 

“Me?! You started this!” 

Narrowing his eyes, Taehyung slowly puts the weird sunglasses back on and pries Jungkook’s fingers from his tie. 

“Fine, I’ll give you what you want. But only because I like the fantasy that you’re some pathetic straight man trapped in a loveless marriage, and I’m your sexy CEO boss who gets to turn you out.” 

Jungkook watches with a raised eyebrow as Taehyung slowly sinks to the floor. Seeing Taehyung on his knees in a full suit does something to him. “So now you’re a CEO? Not an alien hunter?”

With a razor-sharp grin that makes Jungkook’s stomach flip, Taehyung reaches up to swiftly undo Jungkook’s pants. 

“Perhaps I’m the CEO of an alien-hunting corporation,” Taehyung suggests as he pulls Jungkook’s pants and briefs down until they pool at his ankles. Jungkook doesn’t even bother stepping out of them. 

“Sure, babe,” Jungkook sighs when Taehyung’s pretty fingers wrap around the base of his soft cock.

He wasn’t lying before; Taehyung’s annoying behavior had killed his boner. However, the nice thing about being in love is that deep down, Jungkook thinks everything Taehyung does is cute. Even when he’s being annoying as fuck. 

“Say it with more conviction,” Taehyung commands before angling his head to lick a stripe up Jungkook’s cock. 

Reaching backward, Jungkook grabs onto the dresser to steady himself as Taehyung softly sucks the head of his cock. He knows Taehyung won’t give him what he wants unless he follows the rules of the game. 

“You are the CEO,” Jungkook grits out, “Of an alien, fuck,” Taehyung swirls his tongue around the tip, poking at Jungkook’s slit to lap up the precum that collects there, “Hunting c-corporation.” 

“Very good. Now, I want you to call me ‘sir’ since this is a professional relationship first and foremost. I don’t care if you’re cheating on your wife with me; I’m still your superior.” 

Reaching down to brush Taehyung’s bangs away from his face, Jungkook lightly tugs the fluffy strands. “Please shut up.” 

Somehow Taehyung manages to spit on Jungkook’s cock indignantly, with furrowed eyebrows and a deep frown. He runs his hand up the shaft while scowling at him. 

“Is that the proper way to speak to your boss, Jungkook-ssi?” 

With the tip of his tongue, Taehyung leans forward and flicks at the underside of the head, rubbing his tongue flat against it whenever Jungkook twitches. 

“I hate you,” Jungkook whispers, the softness of his voice turning into a whimper. 

“You love me.” 

“Yes, and also, I hate you. Sir.”

Humming in amusement, Taehyung sinks further down until his nose presses against Jungkook’s abdomen. Jungkook can feel him regulating his breathing and his throat contracting and relaxing as he swallows. It’s enough to make Jungkook weak in the knees, and he tightens his grip on the dresser. 

“Fuck, Tae,” Jungkook moans as Taehyung begins to bob his head. “Just like that, just, ahh shit, I’m not gonna–” 

“Oh!” Taehyung unexpectedly releases Jungkook’s cock. A thin string of spit connects his mouth with the tip, and he breaks it by swiping his tongue over his bottom lip. “Maybe you’re an alien in disguise.” 

Jungkook throws his head back with a groan. “Taehyung, please.” 

“Sorry, sorry,” Taehyung giggles before he takes Jungkook’s cock into his mouth once again.

It doesn’t take much effort to finish Jungkook off. Taehyung has always been Jungkook's weakness. No matter how goofy he looks with the stupid alien glasses or how weird his idea of fun is, Jungkook can’t help but feel warm all over whenever he looks at Taehyung. Happiness radiates from him, an innocent soul– even in situations like this when Taehyung looks anything but innocent with Jungkook’s cock down his throat. 

“Tae,” Jungkook moans, a warning that he knows Taehyung will understand. As he feels the burning pressure build up inside him, he lets go of Taehyung’s hair and takes off the glasses, tossing them to the side. “Wanna see your pretty eyes.”

They watch each other as he cums, Jungkook cradling the side of Taehyung’s face and Taehyung squeezing Jungkook’s thighs. 

Taehyung pulls away with a gasp. “You handled that really well for an alien disguised as a Straight Man,” Taehyung chokes out, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 

“Hyung, oh my god.” Jungkook tries to move, but he feels like the bones in his legs have turned to liquid, and his ankles are still wrapped up in his pants. “Stop it right now.” 

Licking his lips, Taehyung gives Jungkook a wicked grin. “Or else what?”

Jungkook covers his face with his hands as he mumbles, “Or else I’ll knock your punkass down.” 

Only Taehyung can giggle so sweetly while on his knees in a fitted suit after sucking his boyfriend off. God, Jungkook really loves him, weird and all. 

Halloween 2023 Masterlist

all rights reserved © gimmethatagustd on tumblr & AO3

do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my work

[chaifootsteps]

Hi, Chai! I like your writing style a ton from what I've read so far out of curiosity. How do you get it sounding so well like that? I know, it's not a specific thing to ask ... I don't know else to say it. It just sounds like it comes from high end work!

Happy belated birthday as well! I hope you spent it doing your favorite things :)

P.S. the mass effect fic you labeled the dumbest thing you've ever written? Is better written than anything I've read with such a label lol. Your writing's solid, honest!

My writing style comes from the same place everyone's does, I imagine; practice, observing the world around you, and reading an ungodly amount of everything. I think I just soaked up a little from all of my favorite writers, and the resulting sink full of jungle juice, for better or worse, is my writing style.

(And thank you! I had a wonderful birthday, and also I'm glad you liked my ridiculous Mass Effect smut! Definitely love writing those two dorks.)