#this song caused me so much pain but also might be the best thing she ever done and it’s been on my mind since the moment i heard it

[thievesinrippedjeans]

The thing that I love so much about would’ve, could’ve, should’ve is the fact that it addresses something that I think doesn’t come up enough when talking about power imbalances and predatory relationships, which is her going, “yes, i did like the attention. yes, i did find it flattering. yes, i did think i wanted to date you at the time. yes, maybe even i pursued it, but none of that makes any difference because YOU should have known better. YOU were the adult, YOU were the one with the experience, i was a teenager, and you had every chance to walk away and should’ve taken every single one of them because that was YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, not mine”

And i think it’s especially important given that i got the impression that the narrative john leaned into in the aftermath was basically “well, i am who i am and everyone knows i’m an asshole so that’s on her” and a lot of the public seemed to accept that as well, and her responding with essentially, “no, fuck that, i was a KID”

and i think that’s so important to address, the feeling that a lot of girls and young women who go through this thing have, which is that they feel responsible for it, because they did appreciate the attention or flattery or whatever and maybe they did feel like it was a bit of a dream come true that this older, more experienced person ended up wanting them and got caught up in that, and then later feeling like they don’t have the right to feel angry or hurt or to call out these men for their predatory behavior because they feel like they brought it on themselves somehow. and what this song basically does is say “it doesn’t matter what you did, it wasn’t your fault. none of this is on you, this is all on him,” and that’s so incredibly important.

long story short, this song was a gut punch and i’m so incredibly grateful for it

[ironyadays]

I'm just thinking about people who say Snow despises Katniss because he sees Lucy Gray in her...but what feels more painful to me is that Katniss (and Peeta to a certain degree) not only embodies the qualities that the capitol despises the most regarding the districts, but Snow can see so many people involved with those 10th hunger games tributes in her:

He sees Lamina looking at Marcus in pain and killing him out of sheer mercy in Katniss shooting Cato as a mercy kill.

He sees Reaper Ash's burial and defiance by giving his fellow districts a dignified death and sepulture when Katniss remained by Rue's side and decorated her grave with flowers.

He kind of sees Coral, albeit in a much more ironic way, this girl who was ruthless and embraced such violence with the purpose to protect herself and her district partner, the one she nurses back to health and refuses to leave behind, with the wish to have either one of them survive the games, only to realise it was all for nothing once she loses him and is about to die, when she loses her frail little sister at the hands of District 13.

He sees Sejanus standing for the revolution and fighting for others in detriment of his own safety, maybe not even taking the best judgement at times, in Katniss and not only her protection of Peeta, Rue, Mags, Wiress, but also her general place in the rebellion and restless pursuit of saving Peeta.

He sees Lucy Gray, who stood by Jessup's side until his last breath and refused to abandon him, that never conformed to what the capitol expected from her, and her long lasting and unbreakable heritage and print in Katniss' during the entire saga, but especially in the song that haunted him once as a reminder of the monster he truly is, and that came back to haunt him again in his downfall.

But most importantly, he sees himself, a man defined by his sense of survival, by his practicality and selfpreservation, in this less than 18 year old girl, and that's what terrifies him the most about that district 12 girl: the fact she forces him to confront that he caused so much pain out of a hunger that was never justified, that he could have made SO many things differently, and that most importantly, different to what he would try to say to himself, there was always another choice, and he might have not chosen the correct one every single time it came to deciding what path to take.

[theladybrownstarot]

Pick-A-Card : What does your feminine side wants you to know ? (Collab : @tarot-by-e11e♡)

☪︎ Here's my masterlist for more !

☪︎ Make sure you like/reblogg/follow/Comment for more pacs like these !

Pile 1. Pile 2.

Pile 3. Pile 4.

˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖

Pile 1 .

Namaste pile 1 ! Let's get with your reading :-

cards pulled out : 10 of wands rx, 8 of swords rx and The sun .

☪︎ You people are literally stressed out and burdened with a lot of things that can be felt through the reading . Are you people having teeth pain out of stress because i can feel that . Your feminine side says that stop for second leave others and prioritize your mental and physical well-being ! take proper sleep do not over-do anything because there's always a limit . Your feminine side says even though you got lot of potential inside you but still take how much you can do.

☪︎ Next , some of you might be going through some legal problems and if not then you are full of unecessary thoughts which needs to filtered out seriously otherwise you are going to face lot of problems. Doing work out fear , insecurity or any other negative emotion is not gonna help you out . You might be facing some kind of injustice and i really feel that your feminine side says that you are not taking any proper action against it this tells me the need to have proper boundary for yourselves .

☪︎ last but not the least , your feminine side says that she is going to beat the shit out of you if you cannot enjoy and let yourselves get drowned in that sadistic pool of thoughts and actions ! let yourself be happy and really bring out that child inside you that craves to go out and do whatever it wants , be positive your world is not going to end .

˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖

Pile 2 . [@tarot-by-e11e]

Thank you so much for being here ♡ @e11e27

Cards pulled out : 2 of Cups, 8 of Coins reversed, Temperance, 7 of Swords, 3 of Swords, Queen of Wands, Hierophant, Knight of Wands, Judgement.

☪︎ The time in my clock is 1:01 pm as I sat down by my window enjoying the cool summer rain, so that I can interpret for my dear pile 2.

☪︎ Angel number 101 shares an undeniable news about growth, progress and new beginnings. There is this welcoming message of growth and collaboration with your feminine side. This makes me feel like my pile 2 are either: finally taking baby steps in wanting to lean more into your feminine side OR you've reached a certain point of burn out, that you feel called to want to learn how to graciously accept the help from the universe and your guides.

☪︎ With the 2 of Cups, there's this gentle whisper of unity and mutual respect for your feminine side. It would seem that pile 2 might have "girl-bossed" a little too hard this past few weeks/months, so much so that you’d rather push your body to the point of exhaustion than actively allowing yourself to rest and recuperate. There's also this air of hypervigilance caused by the lack of genuine support and healthy role models growing up.

☪︎ More like, Pile 2 was surrounded by who they promised they will never want to become. With the first card alone, the message your feminine side wants to tell you: Let yourself be open to others again.

☪︎ It seems that Pile 2 had experience betrayals and has been in survival mode to God knows how long. To be so disregulated that you feel guilty for even purchasing skincare, even if you are not financially struggling anymore, is quite a heartbreaking situation to be in. Your feminine side is telling you: "Self - Care = Self - Love", so pile 2 can be the type of person that struggles to be okay with putting themselves first. It seems this pile is for my people pleasers.

☪︎ The songs, "You don't know" by Katelyn Tarver popped in my head. Particularly the lines, "I know you got the best intentions, just trying to find the right words to say..."; this line makes me feel like a line you want to tell anyone who wants to help you out. In this case, this is a song you dedicate to your own feminine side. But here's the thing sweetie, your feminine side DOES KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE YOU...

☪︎ Your feminine side, as much as they want to help you out, they can't seem to outscream your insecurities and troubles away. Your feminine side is soft spoken yet firm with their love for you. Your feminine side wants you to know they'll always be here for you, they're just waiting for you to sit quietly in your feelings and take the time to hear them out. They're always ready to help, they're just waiting on your signal. And you choosing this pile, your feminine side is welcoming you with open arms, with them, you are allowed to safely get vulnerable, without judgement or shame. They're always ready to welcome you back into helping you feel like *you* again.

☪︎ So first thing your feminine side wants to tell you is: "Welcome back home".

☪︎ With 8 of Coins reversed, your feminine side wants you to forgive yourself for only taking the time to only want to hear what they have to tell you. It's okay, you're safe with your feminine side. Remember, no judgement or shame will ever come from them.

☪︎ With how much you have on your plate in your life right now Pile 2, having debts and bills to pay, responsibilities piling up higher than your bookshelves, alot of people depend on you for everything, even on things that they can easily deal with themselves, yet they actively decided to pass their burdens to you. Seeing as your attention, focus and efforts are needed elsewhere, it's okay that you only felt the need to sit down to what they have to tell you.

☪︎ The more I interpret for pile 2, the more I can imagine that this pile is for the chronic workaholic people pleasers, it also has the vibe of the sole provider and/or oldest sibling energy. The heavy feeling of burn out is so prevalent in this pile, so much so that you tend to be the type to drown in work while your friends and family barely got a chance to spend time with you.

☪︎ Just know, they love you and miss you so much. They do appreciate your efforts to keeping a roof over everyone's heads and food on the table, but you tend to forget that you deserve to be taken cared for too. This is a strong message from your feminine side, let others show how much they can take care of you. Let others into your life. Learn to let love in again in your life again. Betrayals in any shape or form had closed the gates of your heart, to the point of self-imposed isolation, guised as working hard to provide. It seems that pile 2 overworks to hide their pain. It's like, "Working more means less time to feel".

☪︎ With Temperance, your feminine side suggests you start reassessing your current lifestyle and curate your daily routines to cultivate a "healthy work life balance". I can already feel some of pile 2 are rolling their eyes back so far inside that they can see their brain cells barely surviving from fatigue. And yes, I'm also lovingly call out those of you who leaned back as you begrudgingly "ugggggggggghhhh..." into surrender.

☪︎ Definitely my burn out overwhelmed workaholic people pleasers pile. You're so conditioned to always Go, go, go to the next task before letting yourself catch your breath. My dear, unless your line of work is in ER surgery, you allowing yourself to rest won't lead to someone's demise. So if you work in the medical field pile 2, your feminine side is way more stricter with you about work-life balance. I heard the words "It's non negotiable at this point". So pile 2, please, for the love of rainbows, cookies and butterflies, please curate your daily routines into a healthy work-life balance.

☪︎ With 7 of swords, your feminine side is asking you to keep quiet about your plans for self-love and self-care. This was a rather odd card to show up but with the multiple instances of me mentioning betrayal with the previous cards, it seems pile 2 is surrounded by people who benefit from your lack of boundaries. That's actually the kind of betrayals you've consistently dealt with. People taking your kindness and generosity for weakness, as if it's an invitation to openly abuse your giving heart. Oh no dear pile 2, I'm so sorry you are surrounded by people who can't stand you stepping into your power.

☪︎ This message feels rather severe but your feminine side is asking you to keep your happiness and achievements under wraps and offline. Don't post anything celebratory, it seems that evil eye and ill wishes from jealous and insecure coworkers and/or family members tends be your usual cause of bad luck. So with that, cleanse and establish healthy boundaries with people who have proven that they have no intention of wishing you well. Keep those kind of people out of your life. Take that message in any shape or form that you feel called to interpret it as.

☪︎ Your feminine side urges you to let yourself be nurtured again. You don't have to always be assertive; you don't have to also be the one that leads. You are allowed and you deserve to receive. So let yourself be on the receiving of your friends and loved one's care.

˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖

Pile 3 . [@tarot-by-e11e]

Thank you so much for being here @e11e27 ♡

Cards pulled out : High Priestess, Ace of Swords, 4 of Wands, King of Cups, 4 of Swords, Strength, 6 of Coins

𐙚 My dearest pile 3, right off the bat, this feels like the “Stepping into your power” pile.

☪︎ Starting with the High Priestess, this talks about listening to your intuition, leaning more onto your spiritual practices, and, in this specific question, leaning more into listening to your feminine side. I feel called to share a little way to discern the difference between intuition, anxiety, and wishful thinking.

☪︎ Wishful thinking feels self-gratifying and short-lived, and leans more toward satisfying an urge/itch in the moment; like having a quick dopamine fix from doomscrolling. It’s the easiest to fulfill and do, out of all the three.

☪︎ Anxiety is fear-based and meant to keep you safe; there are certain times when safety, when taken too far, leaves you stuck and resentful; If any negative thought starts with “What if..”, this is an example of an intrusive thought that’s rooted in anxiety. It feels comfortable because it’s familiar, but it leaves you regretful and resentful for not pursuing something else.

☪︎ Intuition is sometimes like an invisible cord that’s pulling you into doing something you subconsciously feel is the right thing to do. There are times when intuition makes you feel uncomfortable, if you are in a period of stagnancy; but there are also times when intuition feels right, when even without logical and substantial evidence to back up the decision, you feel in your gut that it “just makes sense.”

☪︎ With Ace of Swords, your feminine side shares that you will receive some sort of clarity/breakthrough once you learn to listen to your intuition more; it takes practice to differentiate fear and inner knowing, so be kinder to yourself as you go about this journey. The more you listen to your gut, the easier it is for you to have new ideas and have a sense of focus towards the vision of what you want your life to unfold as.

☪︎ 4 of Wands is about your community, stability, and a sense of belongingness. With this, your feminine side suggests you put yourself out into the world to call in your soul tribe/chosen family. More like, the more you become the person you know you are meant to be, the easier it will be to naturally draw in your like-minded community.

☪︎ With the King of Cups, your feminine side urges you to embrace a compassionate approach in life, not just towards others, but particularly, towards yourself. Try to strike the balance between duty and nurture. Try to find a way to hone the skill of living a balanced life.

☪︎ Pile 3, your feminine side urges you to let yourself rest in the 4 of Swords; taking a nap while overthinking is not resting; sleeping and feeling guilty about not being productive hours before is not resting. (Damn, the call-out is real in this pile). Your feminine side asks you to truly let yourself rest and recuperate, unapologetically. How about this: whether you rest later, or rest now, your responsibilities remain; so if you rest properly now, you’ll have more energy to do your tasks wholeheartedly, and the chances of you producing results beyond your expectations is a high possibility. But if you push yourself too hard now just to have something you can “produce for the sake of having an output”, 9/10 the result is half-assed, and this will lead you to have more reason to stress and be filled with regrets. So the choice is up to you.

☪︎ The Strength card feels like your feminine side is telling you to embrace your inner power. If you’re the type that’s made to feel small, now’s the time for you to step out of your comfort zone, and try to build your confidence. You don’t have to make a huge. Life-altering change overnight. This feels more like building that steady foundation of your self-confidence. Learn how to reassure yourself that no matter what, you’ll get through everything because you are sure about your decisions and dreams in life.

‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖

Pile 4 .

Namaste pile 1 ! Let's get with your reading :-

cards pulled out : The world rx , The hermit , Knight of pentacles , Ace of penatcles rx and the emperor rx .

☪︎ People your feminine side encourages you to move forward and no to give up because you are almost the half way to what you need , i feel you are going through major setbacks and still you people trying to do everything you got to make yourself come out of the situation you are in currently and you will actually .

☪︎ Your feminine side encourages you to go for deep self reflection and take time-off from people and other things to sort out what needs to be , she says that you already have got all the wisdom and solution you are seeking that was because of the constant experience , i feel there's a mistake or an action that your committing again and needs to be stopped . She encourages you to meditate and take rest and don't seek help outside because you got it all !

☪︎ Some of you might be having some male relation issue or an issue with authority which will resolve quickly but you being encourages to take your stand .

☪︎ Your feminine encourages or warns you to be aware of any future scam or money investment you are doing , you need to change your long term financial plan or need to revaluate for better , I feel some of you might not get the desired job as of now and it could be that you facing job related issue which resolve quickly withing 2-3 months or before just do not stop .

₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚☽◯☾˚₊‧⁺˖

©️ @theladybrownstarot 2023 all rights reserved. Any stealing Or copying of work will be a punishable offence.

[wildernessuntothemselves]

Jealousy, Jealousy... | Part 5

A/N: don't even have a summary for this. oc is in love with gyu and gyu is in love with another girl but both are virgin losers and gyu is a horndog who would let oc do what she wants to him just as long as he gets to cum.

Word count: 5.9k

Genre: Smut, angst

Warnings: fem!reader, drinking, sub!beomgyu, dom!reader, blowjob, edging, overstimulation, degradation, nipple play, cum eating, fingering (female receiving).

Haeun’s appearances increase along with the band’s gigs, inviting herself to all the afterparties and mingling with the new crowd Beomgyu curated.  

It's a cause of contest between you. You keep telling him that she's using him but he doesn’t care. He just wants her attention. Besides, every time you bring her up, he brings up Yeonjun and the whole thing just devolves into a fight, and so bit by bit you just learn to shut up and keep your distance–to protect yourself from the pain and to stop fighting with him. 

You’re once again at one of the band’s gigs, but this time you’re wearing Yeonjun’s merch. You’re here to cheer for him, not your asshole best friend, who by the way was so obviously drunk he keeps messing up, even to your woefully untrained ears. 

You can see him struggling and see the band shooting him dirty looks every time he messes up. You'd feel bad for him if he wasn't such an asshole. Actually, you still feel bad for him. You can't help it. You’re so worried about him that you can’t even enjoy the performance. Not that anyone can really when the vibe is so off with the whole band. 

And this isn’t a one-time thing even. It has happened a few times now. Beomgyu seems to be slipping. You blame Haeun. Ever since she came into his life, he became like this. 

As soon as the last song ends, Beomgyu storms off backstage. His band members awkwardly stay behind to say goodbye to the crowd but you can tell they’re fuming. 

You quickly go backstage, hoping to catch Beomgyu before the members do. For what? You don’t know exactly. You just know your best friend is in trouble and you want to help him. 

But unfortunately, the band makes it back before you do. You go there to find them already ripping into him. 

“For fuck’s sake man. If you wanna get drunk, by all means do it, but on your own time. We’re trying to get signed here. We can’t have you ruin it for us.” Soobin curses at Beomgyu.

“Oh, like you’ve never performed drunk or high before.” Beomgyu retorts, clearly defensive. 

“Yes, but we’ve never let it affect our performance.” Yeonjun interjects, and Beomgyu looks at him with such venom, you think he might lunge forward and punch him. “No, you let your shitty singing and botched notes do that for you.” 

“Oh, yeah? Is that what you’re gonna tell people after you’re kicked out of the band?”

That does it. Beomgyu lunges forward, but Taehyun was anticipating this and he grabs Beomgyu and holds him back. Luckily, he is much stronger than your scrawny best friend. “Hey, hey, let’s calm down.”

“What is he talking about?” Beomgyu demands, and the boys look at Soobin. 

“It won’t come to that.” Soobin tries to calm him down but Beomgyu will not have it. “Won’t come to what? Are you thinking of kicking me out?” 

“No. No, we won’t because you are going to get your shit together and clean your act up.” Soobin deadpans, “Right?” 

Though Soobin was trying his best to reassure Beomgyu, there was also a clear threat there, and Beomgyu shoves Taehyun off him. 

“Right.” He says darkly, grabbing his guitar and walking out. 

You try to run after him but Yeonjun grabs your arm to stop you. “Let him go. He’s an idiot.” 

But you shake your head. “I can’t. He’s my best friend. I have to be there for him.” 

He sighs in disappointment, letting you go, and you run to the parking lot, wondering if you’ve missed him and Beomgyu had taken a taxi home already. But thankfully, you find him standing in front of one, just… waiting? 

When he sees you, he gets into the car and leaves the door open, obviously waiting for you to get in so you do, closing the door behind you before the driver pulls off. 

“I thought you might’ve left.” You say awkwardly. 

“I was waiting for you.” 

Yeah, you definitely did the right thing. If Beomgyu had waited and you didn’t come, you know he would’ve been super pissed, probably thinking that you chose Yeonjun over him. 

You don’t say anything else for the whole drive home. You didn’t want to get into it in front of a stranger so you wait until you’re back inside your apartment to speak up. 

“I know you probably don’t want to hear this,” You start nervously once you’re back home, “But you really need to focus. You can't risk your future like this."

"Like you fucking care. It's all because of you." He accuses you and you reel back in shock.  "What?" 

"Why did you have to fuck my friend?"

"Oh my god, I can't listen to this again." Your hands fly to your head, already feeling a headache coming because of this tired point. What does this even have to do with him getting drunk and ruining the band’s performances?

But Beomgyu doubles down on his stupid point. “Well, you’re going to have to because your boyfriend wants to kick me out of the band.” 

“You are crazy! This has nothing to do with me and Yeonjun.” You shout, exasperated, “They will kick you out because you’re going on stage drunk and playing like shit.” 

“Wow, thanks for the support.” Beomgyu snorts, looking hurt, but you won’t let him get away with guilt-tripping you for his questionable behavior. “No. You won’t do that. You won’t make me feel bad for calling you out on your shit. What the hell are you even doing? You’re jeopardizing your whole career by acting like a goddamn idiot. What has gotten into you?” 

He looks down, not answering you.

“You weren’t like this. Not before she came along.” You mutter and his head snaps up to look at you. “What is that supposed to mean?” 

Fuck, why did you even bring it up? Now you’ll get into an even bigger fight. “It means that maybe she is a bad influence on you, with all the parties and the drinking and shit.” 

“That’s fucking rich coming from the girlfriend of the party animal himself.” And there it is. 

“Why are you so fucking obsessed with Yeonjun? I thought he was your friend.” 

“He is not my friend anymore. Not after what he did.” Beomgyu speaks as if Yeonjun has stabbed him in the back when he may have given him a warning before it’s too late. If he hadn’t said anything, Beomgyu wouldn’t know the band is even considering kicking him out. 

“You’re bringing it on yourself. If you would just not drink on the fucking job then your career wouldn’t be at risk right now.” 

“I can’t believe you’re taking his side.”

“I am not taking anyone’s side.”

“Well, you should!” He screams, clearly getting emotional. “You’re my best friend. You should be on my side! They’re fucking threatening to take my dream away and all you can think about is defending your boyfriend.” 

“I am being your best friend! A real best friend calls you out when you’re making a mistake before it’s too late.” You try to clarify, “Beomgyu, I don’t know why you’re doing this but I don’t want you to ruin this for yourself.” 

“I’m just stressed out.” He says slowly, “Which you would know if you had bothered being a friend and asked.” 

Now maybe you shouldn’t get into it now, but you can’t help being peeved by what he said, and you just blurt out, “It’s hard to ask when you’re so busy getting your face sucked off by her.” 

He’s been hanging out with her so often that you hardly even see him anymore. How the hell are you supposed to know what he’s feeling if you don’t even see him? 

But of course, Beomgyu takes it in another direction, the direction where his dick is doing all the talking. 

“Aw, are you jealous, baby?” He goads, getting all up in your face. “You miss kissing me?”

“Jealous?” You laugh forcefully, the jealousy indeed burning through you and firing you up. “Yeah right, I can have you begging for me any time I want to.”

“Oh, please." He scoffs, his denial irritating you. 

"It's not like I haven't done it before. All I have to do is give your cock a couple of pumps and you'd be whining like a bitch."

His breathing hitches for a second before he counters back. "I was just humoring you. It didn’t even feel that good."

Oh, hell no. The only thing you managed to have with Beomgyu is getting him to need your touch the same way you need his love, and you'll be damned if you let anyone take that from you, even Beomgyu. 

You curse him out under your breath as you charge forward and push him against the wall, crashing your lips together. 

And for someone who just basically claimed to not want you, he sure as hell is eager to reciprocate… damn it, this was bait, wasn't it? That whore. 

Oh, well, now that you started, you can't get yourself to stop now. You've fucking missed the feeling of him pressed needily against you and the all the little noises he makes when he's turned on. You need to have him again. You need him to admit he's addicted to your touch. You need to hear him beg. 

And it doesn't look like it's gonna be hard when the first thing out of his mouth as soon as you part is, "Touch me." 

“You’re so fucking needy.” You mutter, hand trailing up his thigh slowly, intentionally teasing him. “I thought your girlfriend lets you fuck her everyday.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.” He says, shocking you, and against reason, that makes you happy. “We just mess around.” 

"Sad." You say with faux sympathy, finally grabbing his cock, making his breathing waver. "What about you? Is he your boyfriend?"

Maybe you shouldn’t be having his discussion with your hand cupping his dick. You don’t know if you should tell him the truth, but he did so you should too, right?

"He's not my boyfriend. We just mess around." 

“What… what do you do with him?” He asks slowly, “Do you let him touch you?” 

“Yes.” You admit, watching his reaction closely. You know he’s asking it because you never let him touch you, and if you wanna annoy him, you’d tell him the truth. Which you do. "I let him touch me. I let him eat me out too." 

His face changes just like you hoped it would. "Slut.".

You laugh, hooking your finger into the chain link on the collar he’s wearing and tugging on it a little. "I'm the slut? Not you who is practically begging for me to touch your cock when you’re already getting off with another woman?"

"Whatever. I don’t want whatever STDs you caught from Yeonjun anyway." He tries to walk away but you shove him back against the wall, your body pressed tightly against his. "Really? You don’t want this?"

"No.” He tenses, but his body betrays him, leaning into you. 

“Oh, really? So you don’t want me to pull your pants down and jerk you off just the way you like?” You pull tighter on his collar while feeling the exact imprint of his hardening cock through his pants. 

“No.” He gulps, uncertainty clear in the way his voice wavers. 

“Hmm, and if I were to offer to take you into my mouth, you would say no to that?” You brush your lips against his as your thumb swipes across the head of his cock. “You’d say no to my hot, wet mouth around your needy, pathetic cock?” 

“Shit.” He shudders, his breathing getting ragged and his eyes getting hazy–tell-tale signs that he’s a goner. 

“What is it, baby? Want me to let go?” You feel wetness gather under your thumb, soaking through his pants. Is he not wearing any underwear? Fuck.

“No, fuck. Want it. Want your mouth.” He finally admits, his eyes fixed on your mouth. 

“Okay.” You swipe your tongue over your lips, teasing him. "But first, admit you're the slut."

He blinks, a moment of clarity shining in his eyes. "No."

“No?” You laugh, bringing your hand to your face and licking it before you slide it under his pants, taking a hold of his cock and giving it a firm stroke, feeling his knees buckle for a second. 

“You don’t want my pretty mouth wrapped around your dick?” Your face is so close to his, lips brushing against his every once in a while but every time he tries to close the gap and kiss you, you pull him back by the collar away. “No. Bad dog. If you want it, you have to play nice.” 

“Shit…Okay. You win. I want it.” He confesses, but you don’t give in as easily as he does. “Say it. Tell me what you are.” 

“I’m a slut.” He whimpers and you smile, squeezing his cock as a reward. “That’s right, Beommie. You’re a slut who goes all dumb over the promise of a warm mouth. Isn’t that right?” 

“Yes. Please. I really want it.” He begs, hips timidly thrusting forward. “I need it. I need you.” 

Okay, it doesn’t matter what went on before this. Just hearing him say those three words, that he needs you, is enough for you to get on your knees. “See? I told you I’d get you to beg.” 

But Beomgyu doesn’t care, only focusing on one thing which is you pulling his pants down,  letting his cock spring up before grabbing it in your hands and bending forward to give it a few licks–getting it wet just like Yeonjun showed you. 

But it’s not hard to get Beomgyu wet when he’s already dripping precum for you. Fuck, even his body is slutty.  

“There you go. Now that wasn’t so hard.” You tease, brushing your lips back and forth over the head of his cock. 

"Please, put it in your mouth." He chokes, bucking up into your hand. “I want it! I really want it. Please!” 

You open your mouth, only taking the tip, not just to tease him but get yourself ready for more. But the virgin doesn’t have the self-restraint of Yeonjun, and his hips shoot forward, gagging you on his cock. 

You immediately pull back, glaring up at him. “Do you want me to stop? Do you want to go back to your room and fuck your cum into my panties like you’ve been doing before?” 

His eyes widen and he shakes his head vigorously. “No. No. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“Keep your hips still or I’ll stop.” You hiss, and he nods pitifully. “Yes, baby.” 

There he goes again, calling you baby as if you were his lover. Though you guess he calls Haeun the same and she’s not his lover either. 

You take him in your mouth again, this time daring to take more of him, knowing whatever you do, he’ll like it anyway. And he does. You can see his nails scraping against the wall behind him as he struggles to keep his body still. “Oh, thank you. Fuck, thank you.” 

He’s such a loser. You love it so much. 

Spurred on by his pathetic display, you make yourself go further and further down his cock, your tongue swiping back and forth on the sensitive underside, getting him so worked up. And he doesn’t even try to hide it. 

"Fuck, so good. You’re so perfect.” He gushes, staring at you taking his cock. “You look so pretty with my dick in your mouth."

"Do I?" You pull back to answer before taking him in your mouth but this time, you don’t move, just letting the weight of him rest on your tongue.

"Fuck, don't do this to me. Please move." He whimpers, but doesn’t dare to move you. You keep still, but swallow around him, making his thighs go rigid with the effort to not thrust forward and fuck your face. “Fuck…fuck… you’re gonna kill me.” 

You smile, humming around him happily, making him go delirious. “God, I wanna take a picture of you like that." 

“Pervert.” You glare at him, finally pulling back. "Does she let you do that?"

He shrugs, making you more angry. What the hell does that mean? Is that a yes or a no? Is his phone just full of pictures of Haeun with his dick in her mouth?

“Is that what she does?” You prod, grabbing his cock a little too tightly, punishingly. "Or is she too good to suck your dick?"

"Yeah, she does.” He scoffs, puffing his chest out. “She always sucks me off after the shows." 

Is that where they disappear to? Why did you even ask? Why do you have to hurt yourself this way?

"And I guess she didn't get the chance to today." You mutter, hoping he doesn’t hear the bitterness in your voice. 

"Uh-huh. Doesn't matter. I wanted to try your mouth anyway." He confirms, so casually crushing you while making you feel like nothing but a fucktoy in the same breath.

"Fucking whore." You scowl, pulling back and watching him bucking in the air, seeking the warmth of your mouth again. Are you just a mouth for him? A pair of warm hands? The girl who’ll get him off even if he treats her like a toy? 

"I know I'm a whore but please. I need it." 

There it is again. 

You know you should just get up and leave him all high and dry, but you can’t. Not when he looks at you like that, long hair all tousled and lips inexplicably bitten raw despite the fact that he has made no effort to hide his noises so far, moaning and gasping and whimpering so loud you’re sure the neighbors think he’s a camboy or something. 

“Yeah? You need me?” You prompt and he nods harshly. “Yes, need you so bad. You don’t even know.”

You suppose you can’t blame him for treating you like a toy when just a little cry and whine is enough to get you to give in to him. 

"Are you going to be a good boy?" You taunt as if you had any real power over him. Still, Beomgyu reacts as if you do, nodding again. "I'll be good, I swear." 

“Lift your shirt up.” You order, and he obeys, pulling his mesh shirt up. 

God, he’s becoming as much of a flirt as Yeonjun, wearing these revealing outfits on stage and teasing the fans with winks and lip bites. You’re sure he’s collecting his own groupies now too, and soon it won’t just be Haeun you’re competing with. 

Suddenly, you’re filled with the urge to punish him. 

“Higher.” You tell him, instructing him to lift his shirt up until his pretty nipples are in view before reaching out to play with them. “Good boy.” 

The effect on Beomgyu is instant, his hips shooting forward, his cock seeking some relief which you don’t give him for a while, choosing instead to watch him squirm as you thumb and pull at his nipples until they turn puffy and red. 

“Fuck, please…” He cries, cock weeping in need. 

“You’re so sensitive, Beommie.” You lick up some of the precum dribbling down his cock, just light touches that drive him even more insane, teasing him until he’s almost crying. 

You know you shouldn't compare. Yeonjun has a lot of experience while Beomgyu is a horny virgin but you thrive off how enthusiastic and needy he gets whenever you touch him, like he would die if you stop. 

“Please, please, please…” He keeps repeating, holding his shirt up to expose himself to you like a slut as he pleads with you to put your mouth on him and end his suffering. “I need you. Please.” 

You finally wrap your lips around him once he says the magic words, bopping your head up and down his length, relishing in the taste and feeling of him on your tongue so much that you don’t notice at first that he’s trying to get away after only a few bops of your head.

“Stop. Stop!” He squeals, his hands flying to grab at your hair, finally catching your attention. 

“What is it?” You ask, worried. Did you do something wrong?

“Was gonna cum.” He gasps as if that explained anything. 

“So? You can cum in my mouth.” You offer, thinking maybe he wanted to give you a warning. But of course that’s not what the horny bastard is worried about. 

“Oh.” His cock twitches, and you swear he almost came right there. “But… I don’t wanna cum yet. Don’t want it to stop.” 

Immediately, you pull back, grabbing his wrists and pinning them to the wall. “You don’t get to ask for things. You just stand there and keep your hands to yourself and take whatever I give you. Understood?” You hiss, and he tries to argue, “But baby–”  

You ignore him, grabbing his cock and jerking him off. “Shut up, Beomgyu. I don’t want to hear anything from you except those slutty moans you love to make.”

Even that turns him on, and he squirms under you.  “No. No, please, too fast. Don't want it to stop." He cries deliriously and you laugh evilly. 

“Don’t you wanna cum in my mouth, baby? I’ll open wide.” You smirk before letting your mouth fall open and sticking your tongue out, mimicking what you know is one of his favorite parts of porn videos as you had seen on his non-so-secret nsfw twitter account all too often. 

And just as expected, the pervert loses it with a loud broken cry, spurting his cum all over your tongue and parts of your face. 

You pull your tongue back with a grin, and he watches in rapt attention, waiting for you to swallow it just the way he likes. But you don’t. Instead you spit it back on his cock, grabbing the sensitive member in your hand and jerking it off quickly and cruelly. 

"What are you doing?" He panics, writhing harder in your hold. 

"You said you wanted more." You act innocent, but your hands are all but, twisting around him just like you learned from Yeonjun.

“Not this!” He squeaks, trying to pull away. "Hurts!"

“Suck it up. You said you’ll be a good boy. Are you going to disappoint me?” 

You didn’t expect that to work but it did. He bites down on his lip, swallowing down most of his pained cries, his hands pulling so hard on his shirt, it tears, but he doesn’t once try to push you away. 

He takes it so well, you actually start feeling bad for him and rethinking your punishment. But when you try to pull away, he lets out a loud sob. “No. Please! Need it. Need it, baby."

“But I thought you wanted me to stop?” You ask, confused, and he shakes his head, sparkling tears falling off his eyelashes. 

“Is it feeling good again? You coo, massaging his tense thigh with your free hand. 

“Uh-huh. So good.” His mouth was almost permanently hung open now, a little bit of drool dribbling out. “You’re so pretty.” 

Even though he’s all dumbed out and you’re sure he doesn’t even know what he’s saying right now, it still makes your heart flutter. He thinks you’re pretty. 

But then an ugly thought comes into your mind. Is he like this with her? Is he just as loud and desperate? Will he just say anything to get what he wants? You haven’t heard him be like this the tortuous couple of times you have had to endure listening to them, but maybe he is the one in charge when he’s with her. Maybe he has her to fuck and has you to fuck him, so he’d be getting the best of both worlds. You wouldn’t put it past him. Maybe that’s why he keeps pushing for more from you even when he has her. 

“I’m–I’m there, b-baby.” He stutters out, his hips moving a bit, but you don’t punish him for it because you don’t think he’s even aware of it. Besides, you don’t feel up for this anymore. 

“Cum for me, Beommie.” You order, taking him in your mouth, and it doesn’t take long for the wet heat of it to have him cumming again. You take it in your mouth like last time, not swallowing it. 

Instead, you get up, grabbing him by the jaw and kissing him, forcing him to take his own cum. But Beomgyu doesn’t even flinch, kissing you back hungrily, letting you push your tongue into his mouth as he sucks on it needily. 

When you finally pull back, you see the mess you’ve made of him–panting heavily, his lips swollen and red, coated with your saliva and his own cum, some of it smeared along his chin. 

But he doesn’t care, smiling at you.  “Fuck, that was hot.” 

You frown at that. You don’t know what you expected him to say. That you sucked him off so good, he now realizes you’re the one for him? That he’ll ditch Haeun and be with you only? You’re a disaster. 

“Get cleaned up and go to bed.” You tell him, heading towards the kitchen, suddenly in desperate need for some water to clear your mouth. God, what are you even doing? 

But Beomgyu isn’t done with you, and he follows after you, wrapping his arms around you and kissing your neck. “Beomgyu…” You warn. You can’t deal with this right now. You’re too fragile. 

“Please…” He begs sweetly, knowing the way to your heart. His hands slither up your waist to cup your breasts, his fingers ghosting over your nipples causing a burning white sensation to shoot down between your legs. 

“Just let me take care of you for once.” He pleads, pulling lightly on your nipples between his thumbs and index fingers, fanning the fire brewing in your belly. 

You can let him just one time right? You’d be getting yourself off in bed dreaming of his touch anyway so why can’t you let him help you rub one out just this once? That way you can head straight to sleep and let your tired bones rest so you wouldn’t have to think about what you just did, so you’d get one night’s relief from the crushing feeling of your unreciprocated love.  

“You can’t take my clothes off.” You finally relent. Yes, you’re out of your mind but you’re still deeply insecure and worried what he’ll think. 

“Just the shirt.” He growls, pulling on it. “Want it off.” 

You’re confused for a second by his aggression before you realize you’re wearing Yeonjun’s merch. 

“No. The shirt stays on.” You insist, partly due to your insecurity and partly to annoy him.

He’s not happy about it. You can tell by the way he bites down on the junction between your neck and your shoulder, but honestly that just turns you on more. 

One of his hands leaves your breasts to go down your body, shimmying under your waistband to reach your pussy.

“Fuck…” He sucks in a sharp breath when he feels how wet you are. He immediately starts rubbing your pussy, not attempting to tease at all. “You’re so wet.”

You freeze. Is that good? Is it bad? Does he think you’re too wet? 

“So sexy. Driving me crazy.” He groans, sucking on your sensitive neck and rolling your nipple between his fingers, dispelling your ridiculous doubts. You spread your legs a little, giving his fingers easier access to your pussy, and his long fingers rub along the entire length of your slit, not leaving one part untouched, overwhelming your poor body, all while his mouth never ceases to kiss and such along your neck. “Yes, baby, just like that, spread those legs for me. Let me make your pussy feel good.” 

Fuck, he’s so lewd, it’s so sexy. You don’t even care that he’s probably leaving so many hickies along your neck that in the morning you’ll look like you’ve been ravaged by a wild animal. All you care about right now is his relentless attack on your body. 

His words and touches have made your brain go fuzzy that you let him unbutton your pants, shoving them down your thighs so he can squeeze two fingers inside you at once. 

“Oh god, you’re so tight. So soft. You’re perfect.” He moans as if he’s the one getting pleasure. You don’t know who is more desperate here, you or him. His words feel almost as pleasurable as his hands. You've never imagined Beomgyu saying this to you. You were always so insecure of what he'll think. You were worried about him even touching you. If you knew this is how he would react, maybe you would’ve let him do it sooner. 

Or maybe not. You don’t know what this will do to your heart once your pussy gets its fill. But it’s hard to think about that when he’s panting against your neck. “Fuck, fuck… You like it, baby? Am I making you feel good?”

“Yes, Beommie. You’re such…such a good boy.” You praise, and he keens, one of his hands returning to your breasts. "Can I see your tits? Wanna see your pretty tits." 

Fuck it, you’ll give him what he wants at this point. You just really need him to make you cum. 

“Okay…” You relent, and as soon as the word is out of your mouth, he’s pulling the shirt up over your breasts to expose them. 

“So pretty.” He whines, wetting his fingers before returning them back to your nipple, rubbing the poor sensitive thing until you can’t hold your own body weight anymore. You lean against him, the wet sound of his fingers fucking your pussy open reaching your ears, but you feel too good to let the embarrassment or security in right now. 

“God, I wanna fuck these.” Beomgyu grunts, pulling at your other nipple, his hips grinding against your ass as if he’s imagining doing just that. “Can I, baby?” 

"No. Be good." You warn. You’ll go crazy if he stops. “I’m close. Don’t ruin it now.” 

“I won’t. I promise, I won’t.” He lets go of your abused nipples and grabs you by the hair, turning your head towards him so he can kiss you. “Need you to cum on my fingers, baby. I need it more than anything. Please. Will you cum for me?” 

“Y-yeah… I’ll cum for you..” You say as if you had any choice in the matter, as if your body would’ve let you retain any dignity. 

You break down on his fingers, clenching around them as the orgasm shoots through you in little pants and needy mewls which Beomgyu hungrily devours with his mouth. 

“You’re so hot.” He heaves against your lips, kissing you again and again long after your orgasm is over. 

“Beomgyu–” You start to say, the brain fog clearing up. 

“I need more.” He moans, the words jolting through your brain as it’s waking up. 

What? 

You feel his hands messing around with your pants, trying to take them off your body completely, and when he drops to the floor to pull them off your leg, you quickly stop him. 

“What are you doing?” You exclaim, grabbing onto your pants and trying to pull them back up. But Beomgyu holds onto them tightly.  

“Please, want to taste you.” He begs, clearly still in the throes of lust. 

“No.” You hiss, and he whines. “Why not? I’ve become really good at it. Had lots of practice.” 

God, you feel sick. 

“No!” You push him away and he falls on his ass. 

“What? So he can eat you out and I can’t? You can suck me off but I can’t taste you?” He asks angrily and you roll your eyes. “Yes. That’s exactly it."

As if his horny brain could ever understand how all of this makes you feel. All he cares about is that Yeonjun got something and he didn’t, like you’re a piece of candy Yeonjun swiped from him. 

“You’re such a fucking hypocrite.” He huffs, getting up. “Why won’t you let me taste you?” 

“I don’t need to let you do anything.” You shout at him, putting your pants back on, hoping that would lessen the humiliation coursing through your veins. “I don’t owe you anything and you need to get that through your fucking head. But it’s my mistake because I keep letting this happen. This has got to stop.” 

"Why? I like it and you like it too." He looks at you for confirmation and you look away, but Beomgyu is not deterred, grabbing you by the shoulders. "Come on, I know you feel it too. It's different when we're together. I know it is for me. It doesn't feel like that with Haeun. Does it feel like this with Yeonjun?"

“What feels different?” You confront him, daring to ask the forbidden question. “What is this?”

He frowns, stumbling back and taking his hands off you as if you’d burned him. “Sex?” 

Right. Typical guy behavior when faced with the remotest possibility of intimacy. 

You laugh sadly. “Beomgyu, are you with Haeun or not?” You have to know. You have to know what he’s even doing. Are both you and Haeun just a way for him to get his dick wet? 

"Do you not want me to be?” He answers your question with another question, catching you off guard. 

“N-no–you can do whatever you want. Why would I care?” You immediately deny, fear and anxiety gripping your heart. You can’t let him know how you feel, especially not after he just basically confirmed he’s just here for the sex. 

He’s silent for a few moments, just staring at you as if he can see through your lies. God, please no. You can’t handle the shame of it. 

But he just shrugs. “Well, if you don’t care then what’s the problem, right? Me and Haeun aren’t exclusive so you and I can keep doing this.”  

His words make you feel disgusted. That’s all he thinks of this, that’s all he thinks of you–just some fun to be had so he can get his rocks off 

“I don’t think so.” You finally say and he frowns. “Why not? I thought you said Yeonjun isn’t your boyfriend.” 

"He’s not.” 

He smiles widely, moving to grab you again but you stop him. "But I want him to be. I want to try it seriously with him." 

“Why? What do you even like about him?” He asks, irritated. 

“He’s sweet–” Beomgyu rolls his eyes, preparing to protest but you keep going, not giving him a chance. “He cares about me. He’s charming. He’s talented. He’s funny.” 

“So? I’m all of those things.” 

Yes, you are. And much more. But you don’t love me the way I love you. 

“So I want a boyfriend, Beomgyu, not a fuckbuddy.” 

“Right.” He scoffs, “Good luck getting that from Yeonjun.” 

With that, he turns around and leaves you feeling sick in your own skin. 

___________________

A/N: feedback gives me the motivation and energy to write more so if you want the next chapter as quickly as possible, drop in a message or a comment telling me what you think 😘

As some of you know, this might've been the last gyu smut scene, but if I were to include another one, would you rather it be sub!gyu or dom!gyu?

i can't include another poll so i'll skip the "who do you want oc to end up with" this time, but you can let me know anyway

taglist: @sanasour @tinkw1nks @lol6sposts @zuzuhasablog @beomsl @seolis-world @stantxtorurmissingout @wonwooz1@yaorzu-blog@allylikesdabee@rkivezzs@malieno @leviathanlee26 @yomomas-stuff @kurisaiyunobara @girlwholovekpop @zuzuhasablog @viaaasdiary @ho3forkpop @skzvcr @th3-3d3n-g4rd3n @izzyexe @boomfrogg @kpop-cakepops-recs @chronicallygyu @girlwholovekpop

[koopageneral]

INANIMATE INSANITY SEASON 2 EPISODE 15 SPOILERS. PLEAASE GO WATCH IT

Omgaaa I need to EXPLODE cuz of Taco’s Tirade. Gonna go on a rant analysing it prty much line-by-line so STRAP IN!! (Shout out to everyone who worked on this masterpiece omfg)

It starts off with what might be considered ‘normal’ Taco. Her making fun of the contestants. There is a little bit of hinting at her sympathy towards the contestants, although it’s incredibly shrouded in her mastermind facade. Calling them ‘pathetic’ and comparing them to blindly obedient dogs with ‘how they run to fetch their sticks.’

We get a little bit more with ‘Sure, call me polemic, unsympathetic.’ It shows how shes aware that she’s a problem, although at this point in the song it’s unclear to the audience whether she’s saying it in a way of ‘yeah call me it cuz it’s true, I don’t care.’ Or if it’s ‘call me these things, yeah, but I’m more than that.’

‘Look at me and all you see is the debris of some defective outcast.’ Feels like it’s getting into the meat of the song, and the episode as a whole, of how Taco has realized how she’s pushed everyone away for the sake of the game. The fact she has her arms tucked away during it gives another interesting interpretation, of it actually talking about before her big reveal, and how she was treated differently because she was, in her words, ‘defective.’

‘A frenetic, antithetic (if poetic) iconoclast.’ Frenetic means wild and energetic, probably, again, referring to her season 1 persona. Antithetic means opposite of something, and iconoclast means someone who attacks cherished institutions. This gets into her want to tear this entire show to the ground for the suffering it’s caused everyone.

‘I wont live in the past. I almost won this game once, you know.’ I’m just gonna parrot what @lemonxlimee said cuz they put it pretty succinctly with two words. Taco. Girl.

Then we get to the lines that got me started on this tirade (Pun intended.) ‘History is rearranged just to credit those who win the glory. So reality has changed in the edit when they spin the story.’ AUGH. Her fucking staring down at the hotel made of the money she spent SO HARD and lost SO MUCH to try and get. I. I want to scream about this. I don’t know how to put my thoughts on this line into fucking words.

‘And we choose to feel this pain.’ Going off the last line, Taco, out of almost anyone in the cast, knows how much you have to go through just to get a chance to win, which goes right into the next line.

‘We lose more than we gain.’ She lost Pickle. You might say that she didn’t actually care, but I’m not sure if I believe that. I feel like she might not have at first, and maybe even never when they actually were playing together. But you can’t convince me she doesn’t hate herself for using him on a plan that resulted in nothing. She also lost Mic, and it’s incredibly clear how much that affected her. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and showed her the flaws in this system.

‘I will break this cycle of mistakes unlike all of these snakes whom I call to condemn.’ She is fucking DETERMINED to make everyone see what they’ve sacrificed. She speaks with a level of contempt towards them, yes, but I feel like it’s more her projecting her feelings about the contest onto the contestants.

Then we’ve got MePad being best therapy boy. ‘You are incapable of starting over.’ She wants to be better. But she doesn’t feel worthy.

And then MePad’s slightly naive optimism with ‘I do not know who you lost, but is it not possible to get them back?’ He’s programmed to see the best in everyone. He wants things to work out. He doesn’t see how hard it might be to just make things better after a relationship exclusively built on lies.

This naivete is immediately contrasted by Taco’s all-encompassing pessimism. ‘Clear the slate, start again, do you hear how preposterous that sounds? How do you not comprehend that for someone with my monstrous background, the whole slate has fallen apart.’ To Taco, the bridges between her and Mic or Pickle are nothing but smoldering piles of rubble after all the pain she’s put them through.

This contrast is even more stark with the duet of ‘It’s too late’ and ‘It’s not too late.’ I don’t even know what to say about that, it’s pretty black and white.

For the duet, gonna go one character at a time for simplicity. Starting with Taco.

We see taco’s turmoiled feelings on whether she’s to blame, with ‘It’s not I, it’s they who deigned to play.’ Even after all of this internal conflict and deep personal realizations, there’s still a part of her that wants to cast the blame of the pain she’s caused onto the ones she’s hurt.

Another deflection she throws out is, honestly, probably more fair, if still not great. ‘This game, so cruel and inhumane, base and uncouth.’ This really gets into her main philosophy for the episode. She’s afraid to take responsibility, and pins the blame on the show for pitting everyone against one another. I want to make it clear, her point is incredibly valid. We see during THIS EPISODE how much it turns people against eachother. The challenge is entirely built around making the contestants spill their true feelings about each other, and using that to fuel drama. Suitcase literally has to choose between two people she cares about over who she’s bringing into the finals, pitting Baseball and Knife against eachother. While the show is ‘cruel and inhumane’, I don’t think that should just be a het out of jail free card for Taco. Yes, she did it because she felt there was no other choice to win, but she still did horrible things. She manipulated 2 people into actually believing she cared.

‘They’re too afraid to bear the bed they made, can’t bring themselves to face the awful truth.’ This is pretty much just her saying that the other contestants are too blind to see how much pain they’ve gone through to get to where they are.

NOW. Baby boy therapist, MePad.

‘You’re no menace, Taco, how did they hurt you?’ He agrees with Taco on the grounds of how much pain the contestants go through, but he’s just a little more concerned about the tact needed to show them. He knows that Taco wants to change, but she’s afraid to. He knows how much she wants to apologize to the people she’s hurt. He feels that there has to be something external she’s dealing with to have this level of spite in her, even if there isn’t, and all of her hate is towards herself.

‘Please think this through’ is pretty self explanatory. As I said, he agrees with Taco about her basic ideals, but feels like there are better ways to deal with the issue.

‘Feeling double crossed is part of dealing with the loss, yes, but the healing is a process, that’s the truth.’ He wants to see Taco get better, and he’s trying to get through to her about the fact that her feelings are entirely valid, but she has to, at some point, let go.

I also feel like the sound mixing is very purposeful. Taco’s voice rings through clearly, able to be heard without much difficulty. MePad’s vocals are softer, and a little quieter and harder to make out. Taco is so in her own head about the pain she’s gone through, she refuses to listen to any outside voice.

Then we get to Taco trying her best to cover up her emotions again and put on her mastermind persona with ‘I’m turning up the heat to sauté, I’ve some beef to get grilled. But I guarantee that today all the beans that get spilled won’t be mine.’ I love how this foreshadows the challenge, but doesn’t make it obvious.

We see one last crack in her facade in the penultimate ‘I’m fine.’ Again, the ‘mistake’ in this line feels incredibly purposeful. It’s incredibly pitchy and bad, to an almost ear-splitting level. Taco knows she isn’t actually okay at ALL, and has trouble telling such a blatant lie.

And then the last line, ‘now it’s time’, is her fully donning the mask once again, ready to expose the show for what it is.

ANYWAY. Uh. Thanks for reading all this bs. I fucking love this song so much, and I think Taco’s motivation in this episode is fascinating. Any comments or constructive criticism of my analysis is MORE than appreciated, hope you all have a wonderful day/night/whenever.

[waytooinvested]

Forgotten, Not Forgiven - Chapter 29

This and previous chapters are also on AO3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘Urrrghhhhhh.’

Lena looked up from her work laptop in time to see Kara toss aside the book she had been half-heartedly attempting to read and flop back into the pillow-nest Lena had set up for her on the couch, her expression tragic.

‘Why does pain have to hurt so much? And why does it take so long to get better? It’s been weeks now and I still can’t even use my wrist, let alone my leg.’

‘Kara, it’s been four days.’

‘… Well, the point still stands. Injury is the worst.’

Needless to say, Kara was not taking well to being an invalid. It was understandable, given that she wasn’t usually physically capable of the kind of prolonged hurt she was experiencing now. Even when she had been beaten to the brink of death (not a thought Lena cared to dwell on, even with Kara alive and safe and grumpy by her side), all she needed was a few hours of concentrated yellow sunlight and she was fully recovered. Whether she knew it or not, she had never had cause to develop the patience to deal with long periods of physical limitation.

In fairness to Kara, she had actually been pretty stoic about it for the first couple of days, still determinedly pushing to do things for herself that she really should have let Lena help her with and trying to be a good, pleasant house guest, though Lena had repeatedly assured her she didn’t need to be entertaining. But now the novelty of her new situation was wearing off and she was dialing back on the pain meds, it was fair to say that Kara was feeling pretty fed up.

‘I think I know what might cheer you up. Close your eyes a minute while I get it set up, then we can play a game.’

‘But you’re working.’

‘It’s fine, all my calls have been rescheduled this week because of my ‘surgery’, so it’s not like I have a timetable to stick to, and everything is pretty well in hand at the moment anyway after the success of the launch tour. They can get along without me for a while.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Positive. I have a promise to fulfill. Now, eyes closed, it’s going to be a surprise.’

Kara closed her eyes obediently, a slight smile twitching at the corner of her mouth. It took a couple of minutes to get the PlayStation set up and the right game loaded, and another for Lena to cycle through the options to pick one she thought she could manage, but then it was ready. She was a little bit nervous about it honestly, but after all there was only Kara here to see her, and she was determined to do this properly. The way Kara would do it, if she had her full range of movement available to her.

She took a deep breath, and then pressed play.

Kara opened her eyes as the first notes of the introduction started, and a smile so huge it must have been painful for her healing lip spread across her face.

‘Oh my gosh!’

Lena winked at her, and struck a pose.

‘People always talk about hey oh hey oh hey oh.’

She improvised dance moves to go along with the song, miming writing on a piece of paper, then strutting up and down in front of the TV at “lets keep it moving”.

After the first line she held the mic out towards Kara for every ‘hey oh, hey oh, hey oh’ and, getting the message, Kara joined in enthusiastically, bopping along in her seat as best she could in time to the music.

‘I don’t know what it is, that makes me feel like this, I don’t know who you are, but you must be some kind of superstar...’

Lena liked to imagine that she looked fun and flirty as she danced for Kara, but she suspected she probably looked more silly than sexy. Still, Kara didn’t seem to care in the slightest, her expression utterly adoring as Lena finished the final ‘you just make me wanna play’, and took an overly dramatic bow as the screen gave her her (passable but pretty lacklustre) game score.

‘Okay, this is now officially my favourite day ever. I didn’t think there was anything I would enjoy more than doing karaoke, but somehow watching you do it is even better. You were amazing Lena, how did I never know this about you?’

Lena shrugged with feigned nonchalance, trying not to show how absurdly pleased she was by Kara’s lavish and excessively generous enthusiasm for her demonstrably mediocre singing.

‘I’ve never actually done karaoke before. What you just saw was me trying to channel the Kara method.’

Kara gave a little bounce of delight at that. The movement caused several of the pillows that were supposed to be propping her up to lose their tenuous grip on the slippery leather couch and slither to the floor, but she didn’t even seem to notice the sudden lack of support. She was sitting bolt upright now, pain and restlessness apparently forgotten as she clasped a hand to her chest and gazed up at Lena with shining eyes.

‘So you were putting the Kara in karaoke? I have never been so proud of anything in my life. This right here is my greatest achievement.’

‘...Said the Pulitzer award winning journalist’ Lena smirked.

‘Pulitzer shmulitzer. Heaps of people have won a Pulitzer, this is a unique accomplishment. Will you please sing another one?’

‘I will if you like, but don’t you want a turn? Or we could do one together – it comes with two mics, so we could do a duet, or try out battle mode.’

‘Since when do karaoke machines have a battle mode?’ Kara asked.

‘Ah, well, this isn’t just an ordinary karaoke machine. It’s called ‘Singstar’, and it’s competitive. Apparently it was huge in Europe about a decade ago, which unfortunately means the songs are all pretty old, but there are plenty of them to choose from. The mics pick up where you’re hitting the notes, then score you on how well you sing the song. Battle mode lets you go head to head.’

‘So what you’re saying is, we NEED to bring this out at our next game night. And also we are going to absolutely destroy Alex and Kelly because we’ll have a chance to practise beforehand? Okay, so I know what we’re going to be doing for the next few days.’

Lena grinned. If anything Kara’s response to her present was even better than she had hoped, and she had to admit that she had enjoyed her first karaoke experience far more than expected. She wouldn’t mind taking down Alex and Kelly in a Singstar battle, though perhaps without quite the same level of enthusiastic dancing along she had just done for Kara.

‘You pick the next song, I’ll get the other mic set up. Do you want red or blue?’

‘Oh blue, for sure. Blue is my colour and, uh, red is definitely yours.’

Kara glanced at Lena’s lips with a look that was halfway between flirty smirk and shy ‘did I really just flirt’?? smile, and it made Lena’s heart give an extra little kick in her chest.

Nope, don’t go there Lena.

‘Blue it is. What are we singing?’

The answer to that turned out to be pretty much everything.

Some were karaoke classics that demanded to be sung no matter what your taste in music (or at least so Kara insisted when she saw YMCA on the list).

Some hit a little close to home (though Lena absolutely refused to relate too hard to the lyrics of ‘Complicated’ by Avril Lavigne no matter how apt some of them might be to their previous situation, because she was not in fact a fifteen year old girl in the early noughties).

And others… well, Lena would not soon forget singing ‘Like a Virgin’ as a duet with Kara, who apparently, no matter how awkward she might be about flirting the rest of the time, absolutely did not hold back when she was doing the actions to a karaoke song, and her sultry look combined with her lingering touch above Lena’s heart at ‘touched for the very first time’ would be forever seared into her memory.

They kept going until they were both getting hoarse and Kara was beginning to droop with tiredness, then Lena suggested they take a break.

‘I don’t know about you, but I could do with a snack after that.’

‘Definitely yes to a snack, and maybe also wine?’

‘Hmm, I’m not sure the pain meds you’re on go too well with alcohol, but I have plenty of other things. Cranberry juice? Soda? Hot cocoa? I bought marshmallows.’

‘Ooh, you did?? We should make s’mores!’

‘I’ve never actually had a s’more.’

‘WHAT? Lena!’

Kara gave her a look of horror that was probably around two thirds exaggerated teasing, one third genuine shock.

‘How have you never had a s’more? They’re like, the classic campfire dessert.’

‘Well, the Luthors didn’t really go in for camping. Or food that it was impossible to eat tidily.’

‘But the mess is part of the joy of eating s’mores.’

The Luthors went in for joy even less than they did camping or messy snacks, but Lena decided against pointing this out, and after another second or two of silent dismay Kara shook it off and got down to business.

‘Okay, we need to fix this right now. We’re going to need graham crackers, chocolate, ALL your marshmallows, and… fire. Can we do fire? Do you have candles or something? We could use the oven, but it’s not the same. I want your first s’more to be perfect.’

Much as the idea of Kara with only one available hand setting things on fire in her living room was alarming, Lena couldn’t help feeling pleased with how far they had come since her first night’s anxiety over making a mess. If she was willing to toast marshmallows over an open flame and put together gooey, melted chocolate-marshmallow concoctions, she was clearly over that particular reservation.

Still, she took the precaution of putting the little cluster of candles she’d been able to scrounge together into a large wok with a shallow layer of water at the bottom rather than relying on a candle holder, just to be on the safe side. She had meant it when she told Kara that breaking things wasn’t a big deal, but she drew the line at actually burning the building down.

‘I wish we could make your first s’mores experience a bit more authentically like camping. The candles aren’t bad as a campfire proxy, but we should really have a tent, and stars, and… I don’t know, cheesy campfire songs.’

‘Well, we’ve had plenty of songs already today so I think we can tick that off the list. Stars we can do with the projector if you don’t mind waiting a bit while I have it brought over from the lab, and a tent… I could bring a sheet out here if that would help?’

She had been joking, but Kara’s face lit up.

‘YES! We should make a blanket fort. Would that be really childish? Okay, it would, I know it would, but I never got to make one as a kid and I kind of felt like I missed out. It was the downside of having a male best friend through my teens – I never really got to have the teenage girl sleepover experience. Well, unless you count sharing a room with Alex, but that was not the same thing.’

‘I don’t see why not. I was actually amazing at making blanket forts when I was little – I suppose it comes with the territory of being technical minded, but my forts were a thing of beauty. I built one when I was about six that had this whole complicated system of support ropes to make a proper roof with peaks and gables, and it had multiple rooms, doorways, even something of a pillow labyrinth to get into it, to “keep out intruders”. It took hours to make, and I practically lived in it until my mother discovered it and made me take it down. I called it my laboratory, and worked on my inventions in there. Lex had a real lab of his own, so of course I wanted one too…’

Kara’s eyes were soft and the slightest bit sad when she’d finished, the way they always were when Lena talked about her childhood, but she was smiling too.

‘I wish I’d known you then, you would have been the absolute coolest person to have a sleepover with. I can just picture us in matching pjs, swapping secrets in your amazing fort and eating raw cookie dough with a spoon. Well, you would have used a spoon, I probably would have just dug straight in with my fingers.’

Lena chuckled, picturing the mischief they might have gotten into together. Her childhood would have been an incredibly different thing if she had had a friend like Kara to have sleepovers with, but she hadn’t, and her fort had been a lonely place.

Not that she would have been allowed to, even if such a sunny little girl had somehow miraculously appeared in her life. Her mother had been resentful enough of having one small girl living in her house, there was no way she would have tolerated the presence of another one, even just overnight.

‘I wish we could have. I bet you were the sweetest kid, even covered in cookie dough. I’m not sure about the matching pajamas though.’

‘You’re right, they wouldn’t be matching. Yours would’ve had marshmallows on them, obviously, and mine would have had pot stickers, and a pun.’

‘Actually if I got to pick I’m pretty sure mine would have had a chess theme – I was already a hopeless nerd by the age of six. Speaking of marshmallows though, I’ll go and see what blankets I can find, then you can introduce me to the delights of the s’more.’

The blanket fort Lena built for Kara wasn’t quite up to her childhood standards – she didn’t want to spend hours on this one for one thing, and there were also unavoidable limitations due to the relative size of a two grown adults compared to a single six year old when it came to making full use of a double sheet. Still, the fort they ended up with was more authentically tent-like than a multi-roomed blanket lab, and the more open structure would be much safer with a naked flame in any case.

Once it was ready and Kara was comfortably settled inside, Lena closed the blinds against the daylight, turned on the newly delivered star projector and lit the candles, and with a bit of imagination it felt not entirely unlike sitting round a campfire at night. Or at least, so she assumed, having never actually done so.

‘Did you and Alex go camping a lot when you were growing up?’

‘Not a lot, but we went a few times, and I think they went more when Alex was younger. We weren’t quite the right age to make the most of it by the time I joined the family, but I still have some good memories from our camping vacations. I loved being out under the stars, without any kind of barrier between me and them... though it kind of hurt too. I felt like my parents were up there somewhere, and even though I couldn’t reach them, I was closer to them somehow than at other times. Maybe it was because I couldn’t go to visit their graves, I needed to find something else to be that for me, and I picked the stars. They died in a fire, so in a way I guess that’s where they ended up.’

Kara kept her eyes on the marshmallow she had skewered onto a chop stick as she spoke, carefully rotating it to turn it an even golden brown in the candle’s flame. She didn’t often speak about the family she had lost, but something about the flicker of fire light and the soft walls of their blanket tent invited confidences.

‘Do you have somewhere you can do that here?’

Kara shrugged.

‘I go up to the roof of my building sometimes. It’s not quite the same with all the city lights, but it helps, when I’m feeling most out of kilter with the rest of the world. It isn’t as bad as when I was younger, but sometimes I still kind of feel out of place, like I don’t quite fit anywhere. My birth family were pretty different, culturally, and I’ve never really found that sense of fully belonging again…’

She paused, and her gaze met Lena’s over their makeshift campfire, the flames catching and dancing in the shine of her eyes.

‘...except when I’m with you. You feel like home to me even when I’m not sure what that’s supposed to mean anymore.’

Lena swallowed, her resolve that she and Kara couldn’t be more than friends without them both knowing the full context of their history trembling under the weight of that confession.

It felt all too possible here in the semi-darkness, as if all she would have to do would be to cross over to Kara’s side of the fire and take her in her arms. Because Kara was her home, too. The first home she had had since her world was torn apart at the age of four and she had lost the certainty of safety and belonging in a single moment, only to find it again in this most unlikely of places.

Her heart pounded, and she leaned forward unconsciously, her body drawing her inexorably towards Kara like a sunflower turning towards the sun.

‘Kara…’

Kara blinked, breaking the spell of their eye contact and pulling her marshmallow out of the flame to examine.

‘This one’s ready. Get some chocolate and crackers, and get ready to have your socks blown all the way off.’

The sudden shift was enough to give Lena whiplash as Kara beckoned her over, taking the rest of the ingredients and stacking them together as casually as if she hadn’t just stopped Lena’s heart in her chest and damn near made her toss all her good, sensible intentions out the window.

Had Lena been imagining the intensity? How could it possibly have been one sided enough for Kara to have returned to thinking about nothing more than dessert?

But then the s’more was ready, and rather than eating it herself or handing it over, Kara reached out with her splinted hand to cup Lena’s chin very gently, stroking a thumb across her lower lip until she opened her mouth, and then sliding the cookie-sandwich between her lips in a move that felt down right erotic…

Right up until it very definitely wasn’t.

Without warning Kara gave the s’more a swift shove, and Lena’s mouth was abruptly too full, graham cracker crumbling between her teeth and a mix of gooey marshmallow and melting chocolate oozing down her chin as the whole thing started to collapse.

Kara cracked up as Lena tried to catch the sticky, disintegrating mess before it could get all over her shirt.

‘Kmrm!’

That was as much of an admonishment as she could manage with her mouth full of s’more, but Kara seemed to know what she meant, and gave her a look that was both apologetic and delighted.

‘Sorry, I couldn’t resist! I knew if I left it to you you’d manage to make eating a s’more look elegant somehow, and that is not the experience you’re supposed to have the first time. If it’s any consolation, that’s about how my first attempt to eat one went too. I think watching me be a disaster was half the reason Alex agreed to have so many campfires with me in the backyard my first summer.’

‘Mmph.’

‘It’s good though, right?’

And Lena had to nod.

It probably wouldn’t be replacing tiramisu or even ice cream on her list of top desserts any time soon, but it was good, the rich chocolate balancing out the intense sweetness of the marshmallow, and the cracker giving much needed crunch and texture. It was pure comfort food, and she could understand why they were a campfire staple, and why Kara would have loved them so much when she first came to Earth.

The difficulty of eating the whole thing also had the advantage of giving Lena time to compose herself, and when at last she had swallowed the last bite of her s’more and given her face and hands a quick wipe with a damp paper towel, she was feeling steady enough to enact a little revenge.

‘Okay Ms Danvers, now it’s my turn to make you a s’more. Lets see how much all your experience translates into eating them with more decorum.’

Lena stabbed two large marshmallows onto her chopstick, then, with a wicked grin at Kara, added a third.

‘Uh oh…’

[fuck-you-upmusicbracket]

Cicada Days (Will Wood)

And God knows crying ain't gonna change a thing/She said take care But I take more than I bring/She said, "It just feels inhumane to lose this much"/"'Cause when you leave you know you takе more than your love"

"LET ALL MY RED FLAGS FADE TO WHITE, YEAH, I GIVE UP DON'T LET ME LEAVE, I'LL ONLY TAKE MORE THAN I GAVE OKAY, I'LL PACK MY STUFF HERE AT THE END OF DAYS, MY GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE?! CHRIST, NOW IT FEELS DAMN INHUMANE TO GET ALL I'VE DREAMED OF"

"It is just so so so sad and such a good representation of how grief and loss feels sometimes. It really shows that sort of quiet misery and helplessness and how at some point you just give up and stop waiting for tomorrow to get better. Also “it just feels inhumane to lose this much” is the most relatable and best line ever written or sung by anyone ever."

"It's the shouted out lyrics at the end. it's the themes of losing people. it's the final album feeling"

Hello (Evanescence)

Suddenly I know/I’m not sleeping/Hello/I’m still here/All that’s left/Of yesterday

"This makes me cry every time because it’s so sad and makes you miss people you love who you might not have seen in a while or who might’ve died already and it’s just so fucking painful and beautiful"

Cicada Days submitted by @localvoidcat

[coolsosha]

ObeyMe DEMON BROTHERS, but as Will Wood's songs!

i just love will wood, ok?

LUCIFER

♪She said, "It just feels inhumane to lose this much" / 'Cause when you leave, you know you take more than your love / Just one week of cicada days, we're losing touch / And I know it just feels inhumane to lose this much♪

Jeez, finding a song for him was tough, but i guess i did my best.

Apparently, "Cicada days" is about "that even the most painful losses can teach us something, as long as we persevere" according to some website. And i think it's pretty accurate.

I guess this song works well with all that Lilith death and Celestial Realm situation. Bro literally lost everything but still standing.

MAMMON

♪Please, policeman, no heel-to-toe / Oh please, let me go / Please, policeman, is it a test? / I won't know 'til I'm under arrest / Am I being detained / Am I under arrest? (Yes, you are!) / Read me my rights, please (No!) / I want my phone call!♪

So this song is about "dealing with life difficulties and feeling like you are trapped in a cage by circumstances". I thought that it, again, works well with Celestia drama and with fact that Lucifer was the one who chose everything for them. That would also work for Levi, but pppffft.

Also his brothers are often bullying him, so "feeling like in cage" might suit this well. No one takes him seriously and think that he is stupid, sad.

And oooobviosly Mammon might be in cage because he stole something expensive and hanging out in jail!)

other ones under the cut~

LEVIATHAN

♪One night one flung light through this place / So I run for cover, over, under, left the rind out on the plate / Little heart racing and praying, "Something, keep me safe" / I think it saw my face / Okay, one hungry day / Is nothing come what may♪

Okay, i have absolutely no idea what this thing is about, but according to some people this thing is about "Wanting to have someone near you and struggling with loneliness, but then accepting everything". Which gives some Levi vibes, since he is all "lonely worthless otaku".

But it's actually about a mouse, that's trying hard to live, wishes for cheese, hated just because of it's existence and naively hope that it will get to the cheese moon. It wanted to be friends with everyone, but eventually it gets trapped and killed. That's so hella sad and I've almost cried when i saw the clip, but, also it works well with Levi i guess. Poor dude wanted to be helpful for everyone, but everyone just left him(

All those hunger and cheese themes making me think of Beel, but no, it's not his song for sure.

SATAN

♪...Is there room for me in your cage?/.../ Animals are people too, but these people are animals/.../You might seem behind bars, but friend, this cage is inside out / It's awful out here, Socrates♪

AND

♪I wanna make my murder look like a suicide / But they'll all know, they'll all know / They'll all know that the body's mine / I wanna go anonymous to identify / But they'll all know, they'll all know♪

Ok so "Willard!" is pretty obvious. The singer loves animals a lot more than humans and wishes to be animal too. And Satan is definitely that one type of people who prefer Cats over people.

And "Cotard's Solution" is kinda more complicated. Its about struggling with your identity. Actually Will Wood's "Self-Ish" album has a few other songs like that, but i felt like this one was the one. Satan's identity struggle is a big part of his character as we all know. Since he is a part of Lucifer and all that stuff. And Satan's love for knowledge is also working well, since singer is trying to understand what life is and what it even means.

I was thinking about "Hand me my shovel im going in" or "2012", but i thought this one is better.

ASMODEUS

♪Where do you get off being so God damn beautiful? / Oh lord. Don't ask me what I mean /.../ I'll never know. I'll never know. I'll never know. I'll never know what it's like / What it's like to love you♪

In this song singer talks about extremely pretty woman, who he is in love with. He is ready to sacrifice himself for her, even if he knows that it's dangerous.

Part from UNOFFICIAL meaning interpretation that i saw:

"Overall, "White Knuckle Jerk (Where Do You Get Off?)" seems to be a portrayal of the intense emotions and confusion that can come with infatuation, particularly when it is unreciprocated. The woman in the song represents a sort of unattainable ideal, something that the narrator desires but cannot fully understand or possess."

I think this song works reaaaally good with Asmo. We all know how much Asmo wants to be the prettiest so everyone would love him. He is taking dietes to keep his form, uses a lot of skincare routine and overall trying to be perfect. Lets take that the "woman" is the ideal that Asmo is trying to reach, and he is ready to go on any sacrifices to be perfect the way how he wants it. So everyone will love him!

and i really like this song.

BEELZEBUB

♪Just like my parents in due time / Imagine me, just like my parents, yeah, right / 'Cause I've made more mistakes than simple empty moments /Each one as out of character as you know I tend to be♪

AND

♪Of the two things we do on our knees / Watch me fold my hands just to crack my knuckles / Well, here is the church, here is the steeple / Open the doors, see all the people / Alright, that's enough, let's get you home♪

I could find something that would suit him more so... uhhh.. "Becoming the Lastnames". Its just some cute song about how singer wants to create family, live happy and accepting responsibility for one's life. And hoping for the best, and working to create a lasting legacy for his family.

I mean, Beel is family guy. I just couldn't find anything better, sorry.

And about Kitchen floor... Well, that song is more about childhood dreams and adult reality, but its also about accepting your past mistakes and trying to work harder in future, so i guess it's not that bad????

Sorry Beel fans, i couldn't find anything better(

BELPHEGOR

♪Hold my hands, we'll dance the twelve step on my grave / I'd kill the man I am for one more chance to be yours, babe / No, I ain't begging, I'm just saying, it's an option / Don't let the latest be the last nail in my coffin / If you need me, I'll be in my coffin♪

AND

♪I am not the sunshine, I am not the moon at night / Well, who else could I be when I can hardly see? / I am not the sunshine, I am not the moon at night / I'm no one if I'm nowhere in between /.../ And if dreams can come true, what does that say about nightmares?♪

These two are just perfect match with Belfie!

The "Vampire reference in minor key" is about feeling dead inside and wanting for someone to save you. And we all know how dead inside own Belfie is.

And "Dr. Sunshine is dead" is about world not being black and white. And the whole Moon/Sun theme along with Dreams stuff is just perfect!

And both of them suit well with attic part! There is nothing much to say about these, they are just perfect.

I also thought about "Red moon", but i couldn't properly understand what it was about sooo...

Idk, tell if you want side characters version idk?

i enjoyed making this though~

[a-friendly-fangirl]

Random thoughts on We're in Love (or "Your average Italian girl has had an awful week and Boygenius' love saves her ass again"):

So, I've been listening to the Boys and to their solo stuff the whole week (for the past 5 months, to be honest... but who's counting?) and I've been going crazy lately for the beauty of We're in Love.

I think we can all acknowledge that that song is one of the greatest songs in "The Record" and one of the best ever written. And then I started bawling, when my mind got stuck on its lyrics and realised just how heartbreaking and beautiful it is.

This will be kind of my personal analysis (also inspired by some suggestions here and there... thank you to all the geniuses around that have noticed certain things. I wish I could write down all your names, but my memory is awful), so if you disagree with it or feel the need to add something, do it. I'd be happy to meet more Boygenius fans!

Ok, I'd like to begin with the third and fourth line of the first verse, where Lucy sings: "I don't need the symbol of a scar/ So put down the knife, we're not swapping blood". And yet, in "The film", Julien still takes a blood oath with the young versions of Lucy and Phoebe. I think that this was such an interesting choice to make, considering the difference between the words and the actions. This actually makes sense though, when underlining that 20$ is Julien's song and these words belong to Lucy.

Julien, as her solo albums readily witness, has no real problem with hurting herself ('Cause I'm so good at hurting myself - Brittle Boned) both physically and psychologically. We also know, from 20$, that she does believe in being connected to Phoebe and Lucy in every universe or life (In another life we were arsonists). Lucy does too with them (And I told you of your past lives; In the next one [life], will you find me? - We're in Love). Same goes for Phoebe, even though it's a little more subtle with her. In fact, more than believing in other lives, she seems to believe in changing herself in the present life, so much that, even though Emily I'm Sorry is her song, she has decided to sing it with her best friends, because, maybe, she'd rather be someone that can be loved by them in particular and not someone only Emily "could want".

To better understand the scar line/imagery, I think it important to notice that Julien doesn't take the blood oath with her adult friends but with their younger selves. In my opinion, it's like a machine has brought them in Julien's universe or timeline to help her get out of her home, which, listening to her music, is a synonym of recovery or at least of a better state of mind (in Go Home and Please Stay, it is quite clear: "I wanna go home, I'm sick", while in Graceland Too she finally gets out once she's feeling better). But, not belonging there (and we know they don't thanks to Julien's surprised expression when she sees little Phoebe), pehaps she's afraid that she'll lose them once they're done with the car, therefore asking them to do that oath. Childhood scars never fully leave us, so Julien might be convinced that it'll help adult Phoebe and Lucy to remember her, once they meet as intended or hoped.

When you think about it, the layers here are so many that it's scary. Scars have always at least a touch of negativity, even when you get them for something not negative per se (I have so many scars I got from running around as a child...), because they always follow pain. Julien and Phoebe have dealt with it their whole life and have actively put themselves through it more than once, so of course Julien chooses to use a knife (which also brings us back again to Please Stay: "The hunting knife you kept by your bed". I don't think the mention in We're in Love is a coincidence) against herself if it means being sure Phoebe and Lucy know it's her. But Lucy stops her for two main reasons:

Julien won't have to wait for them to find her, because she and Phoebe will, according to Lucy, be the ones going to her, if they want to (Will you find me?);

Instead of remembering each other through something painful, they could use the happy and positive memories they've shared in this life. Lucy once again wants to do everything in her power to dismantle her friends' self-destructive tendencies and replace them with something good (even the "happy" in Letter to an Old Poet was her suggestion).

Moving on to the next lines (Isn't it enough that we stripped down to our skin?/ Cold and porcelain like bathers in a painting), the beauty of this specific portrait delivered by Lucy kind of proves the point just made. Saying that the skin is "cold" and "porcelain" delivers a poetic image of extreme fragility that could be both literal or figurative and it shows just how much they trust each other. What Lucy appears to be pointing out is that she doesn't need any more pain to believe they're in love with each other, since they've already done the great sacrifice of showing themselves when they were most vulnerable (something they're still learning to do, according to recent interviews).

In Lucy's specific case (And I told you of your past lives, every man you've ever been/ It wasn't flattering, but you listened like it mattered), I'd go as far as to think that she did that by letting Phoebe and Julien listen to the stories of her past friendships or even relationships, telling them whom she had had by her side before them. She sings that that tale wasn't flattering: why? If I had to express myself on that, I'd guess, by her albums, that, just like any other human being, even Lucy has had a lot of troubled bonds with people she might have wrongly thought were as true and loyal to her as the Boys are now (take Strange Torpedo, Nonbeliever or Brando as examples). My personal take on this part is that she hasn't tried to tell Phoebe and Julien who they've been in the past, but to confess them who had had their roles in her life previously, feeling perhaps embarassed by it. But they're in no way bored or mad at her for that, listening, however, "like it mattered" (quoting True Blue: "It doesn't matter anymore", 'cause they're together now, but it is still important to her that they are paying attention to this part of her story).

She also admits being open to them about her own insecurities, especially the fear of being or seeming crazy (I feel crazy in ways I never say/ Will you still love me if it turns out I'm insane?/ I know what you'll say, but it helps to hear you say it anyway), making herself vulnerable by exposing this side of her she usually keeps hidden in hope of being reassured by them, which they've probably done a thousand times already.

Long story short, coming to the end of the first chorus: Lucy loves and values them for the trust they've put in each other and no scar will ever match that feeling. I have a lot more to say about the rest of the song, but this is mostly me ranting about it, so I'll see how it goes. Sorry for all of this :P

[taste-in-music]

My Top 30 Songs of 2023

Hello everyone! Welcome back to my annual countdown of my 30 favorite songs of the year. 2023 had a lot of great music releases, and I’m so excited to recount the songs I returned to this year. And now, let us commence with the list!

Here are 10 additional honorable mentions: "Wide Eyes" by Loviet, "I Cry When You Sleep" by Pearly Drops, "Dreamgirl" by Father Koi, "My Love Mine All Mine" by Mitski, "Batman Song" by Cat Missal, "The Neighborhood" by Grace Enger, "I Been Young" by George Clanton, "Bright Red" by Ryan Beatty, "Dumbest Girl Alive" by 100 Gecs, and "The Narcissist" by Blur.

30. Angora Hills by Doja Cat: “Angora Hills,” a hit off Doja Cat's latest album Scarlet, is airy yet effortlessly self-assured, trading between quick-spit rap verses and a chorus of kitteny coos. But don’t get too lost in the sparkling keys and cutesy voicemails. There’s a spark, an edge, a darkness lurking in the murky bass and ominous synths which lends the song a greater intensity. “'Cause love is pain but I need this shit,” Doja Cat raps on the second verse, playing out cleverly rhymes romantic fantasies with an exhibitionist spin. “I wanna show you off,” she suggests on the song’s chorus, the red-hot desire roiling just beneath the surface.

29. Slut! by Taylor Swift: I think everyone was a little surprised hearing “Slut!,” the first vault track on 1989 (Taylor’s Version). When I first saw that title, I thought I was in for a catchy package of sassy one-lines and circa-2014 pop feminism. Instead, we got a tenderhearted ballad of wispy synths and Swift’s insightful musings on love in the limelight. Commentary does creep in (“Everyone wants him, that was my crime,”) but Swift focuses more on choice imagery of a love worth risking it all for: aquamarine swimming pools, thorny roses, and lovedrunk confessions. Sometimes, the most defiant thing is knowing that no matter how people might try to strip you of dignity, they’ll never be able to take your love away from you.

28. Nothing Matters by The Last Dinner Party: All-female British rock outlet The Last Dinner Party made a splash in 2023 with their confrontational yet exuberant debut single “Nothing Matters.” For a song with such a nihilistic title, it packs a punch of gravitas and a wry sense of humor. Lead vocalist Abigail Morris knows just when to heighten the melodrama, stretching the word “sailor” into “say-lahr” and belting the final refrain to the high heavens: “You can hold me like you held her / And I will fuck you like nothing matters.” In the music video, the group stomps around a gothic mansion in frilly petticoats and leather boots, tearing up feather mattresses and lip synching down to a camera positioned six feet deep in a grave. It all exhibits a keen ability to balance out the toughness with a cheeky wink, making it clear the group is only just getting started.

27. Running Out Of Time by Paramore: Much of Paramore’s sixth album This Is Why tears into the absurdity and stress of modern life. On “Running Out Of Time,” Hayley Williams captures the breakneck speed of life accelerated by packed schedules and the 24 hour news cycle, describing a self-destructive ouroboros of trying to catch up with the clock, doing her best to do good and always coming up short. “Intentions only get you so far,” she sings, “What if I’m just a selfish prick…?” It captures the stress and self-doubt, but also the conviction to keep moving forward despite it all. Williams provides a spirited performance as always, her vocals cutting through a pop rock groove that provides just enough energy to keep you from falling down the doom spiral completely.

26. Designated Driver by Taylor Janzen: Taylor Janzen’s debut album I Live In Patterns offered up several tracks which balanced heartfelt lyrics with propulsive pop flourishes, but it was “Designated Driver” that maintained the most momentum for me throughout this year. Atop a steady thrum of shimmering synths, Janzen unpacks her mixed feelings on being the "dependable friend," cracking under the pressure like a windshield. As the song builds, Janzen unveils the self-doubt eating away at her, where the raw emotions draw the other person in to detrimental effect: “you put your trust in a daydream / ’cause you love this dying part of me.” Janzen has the acute ability to put language to even the most obscure shades of anguish and giving them a more anthemic spin. “Designated Driver” is the song you can blast to get you through the grief, even as the toxicity shrinks away in the rearview.

25. One Of Your Girls by Troye Sivan: “One Of Your Girls” is a song so smooth that it’s easy to miss the melancholy which saturates its sparkling chords and clever lyrics. Troye Sivan taps into unrequited desire atop a lush, bassy thrum, describing a love interest who “everybody wants,” but who needs to keep their queerness covert. Sivan ushers in the song’s sing-along chorus with a languid sigh, glazing his voice in vocoder to keep the ache at bay: “Give me a call if you ever get desperate," he relents, "I'll be like one of your girls.” Pair it with a gender-bending music video, and you’ve got a song that delves into just how far a person might go obscure the hurt and save face.

24. I Need A New Boyfriend by Charly Bliss: It’s been four years since Charly Bliss’s last album Young Enough, and in 2023 they blasted back onto my radar with the scuzzy, snarky single “I Need A New Boyfriend.” This time, Charly Bliss sprinkle their anthemic rock sound with a touch of hyperpopping, bleep-blorping synths and churning electric guitars. Frontwoman Eva Hendricks laments her loser lover who grouches through parties and gives backhanded compliments, her observations both witty and scathing: “It took me three years but I finally figured it out / I’m just too fun for him,” “’Cause even though we had a five year plan / I couldn’t stay with him another minute.” By the song’s riotous end, you’ll also have the conviction to kick such soul suckers to the curb.

23. Feather by Sabrina Carpenter: It’s rare that a bonus track from a deluxe edition from an album is the source of a pop artist’s ascent to stardom. Rare, but not impossible. Case and point: “Feather,” the floaty bonus track from the deluxe edition of Sabrina Carpenter’s fifth album emails I can’t send. A downy kiss-off about leaving an ex in the past, Carpenter dreamily narrates the steps to her ghosting process over a softly strut beat of key glissandos and memorable ad-libs. It’s the humorous side of “Feather” that makes it a notable hit in Carpenter’s catalogue, the touches of sarcasm cut through the sweetness and showcase her multifaceted charisma as a performer. That little chuckle she lets out as she says “I’m so sorry for your loss” is the stuff superstars are made of.

22. LEFT RIGHT by XG: There was a handful of weeks back in the spring where every iota of my brain space was taken up by XG. The global girl group broke through with videos of the group’s rappers adding their own verses onto iconic modern beats, (group leader Jurin’s verse over ROSALÍA’s “SAOKO” is a bop and a half.) In a departure from the bombastic samples and in-your-face performances of those videos, XG takes a subtler approach on “LEFT RIGHT,” an ebullient blend of R&B and pop that goes down easy but has the same insidious ability to get stuck in my head. The lyrics are goofy yet earnest enough to make up for it. This boy has the narrator’s heart “Spinnin’ round and round / Just like my Pirellis, burning on the ground.” When a love is so strong it can pull you any direction, you’ve got no choice but to kick into gear and let the vibes carry you away.

21. Hummingbird by Metro Boomin ft. James Blake: When I took my seat in the theater to watch Spiderman: Across the Spider-Verse, the second installment in Sony’s stunning animated superhero franchise, I knew the music was going to slap, (the needle drop for “What’s Up Danger” from the first movie is one of my all-time favorites.) While the soundtrack has many a banger, it was ultimately the tender hearted “Hummingbird” that I latched onto. James Blake lends his silky soft vocals to wistfully pine for a love that always remains just out of reach. Metro Boomin elevates the distance Blake describes with spacious and spacey production, dappled with piano and a chirpy sample of Patience & Prudence's "Tonight You Belong to Me." It’s a love song that spans time and space, across the Spider-Verse and well beyond.

20. Patty's Diner by Upstate: “Patty’s Diner” by Upstate came to me via a recommendation from a friend, (shoutout @bellamysgriffin) and I don’t know whether to thank or throttle her for it, because it’s one of the most potent tearjerkers I’ve heard in recent memory. Upon my first listen, I found the song to be starkly understated, nothing but a plucked guitar and traded verses from both lead vocalists. The central character is Patty, a diner owner who passed away from cancer. Now, her memory lives on in late-night radio commercials and fading recollections of her kindness, all recounted with a melancholy shrug. In its staggering simplicity, “Patty’s Diner” captures something potent about the grief we hold for loved ones: it can come with a smile as well as tears. Take a page from Patty’s book and keep pushing forward. What else are we supposed to do?

19. There It Goes by Maisie Peters: On her sophomore album The Good Witch, Maisie Peters writes a lot about the breakup experience. A whole number of spunky kiss-offs from that record could’ve landed on this list, but as the autumn chill locked in for the final months of the year, I found myself more and more drawn to the album’s penultimate moment of reprieve. “There It Goes” shows Peters letting go of the relationship by pivoting towards self-improvement. Atop a warm strummed guitar groove, she lists off the steps to reconnecting with her friends and herself: going to yoga class, reading novels, stumbling through the streets of Stockholm. Much of The Good Witch focuses on the thunder of emotions which come from heartbreak. “There It Goes” is the calm after the storm. It demonstrates the much harder to describe but no less essential development that happens after growing apart: growing up.

18. Only Love Can Save Us Now by Kesha: On her latest album Gag Order, Kesha pivoted from the party anthems that put her on the map in favor of a sparer, darker sound. Then halfway through the album, “Only Love Can Save Us Now” swings in to prove that Kesha can still serve up a barn-burning banger if she wants, and thank god she does. On “Only Love Can Save Us Now,” Kesha unloads a list of unapologetic declarations over a typewriter-clack beat, each line wry and searing: “Yeah, I'm possessive / Maybe I'm possessed, bitch / Fuck yeah, I'm selfish / Shut up, eat your breakfast.” The chorus kicks in with a rollicking guitar, gospel choir, stomping drums, and jangly pianos which all lend a folksy intensity. “I don’t got no shame left,” Kesha sings in the song’s final moments, “Baby, that’s my freedom.” It’s a moment of deft catharsis on an album so heavily defined by what it holds back, a defiant invitation to exorcise your regrets and then invite your demons to come and join the dance party.

17. Mother Nature by MGMT: It’s been five years since MGMT’s last album Little Dark Age, and it feels like I’ve lived a whole lifetime since then. “Mother Nature,” the lead single off their fifth album Loss of Life, shows that MGMT have seemingly grown as much as I have. The song is warm and welcoming, built from sunshiny strummed guitars I’d usually expect from Alex G or Big Thief. But the stargazing, larger-than-life scope of the group’s past work remains, merging the mundane with the magical. “I wrote the fairytale on the midnight drive,” Andrew VanWyngarden sings in the song’s opening moments, “Wanting to know if I'm more than alive.” The rest of the song walks this line between enchantment and ennui, alluding to a greater darkness looming just beyond the horizon. The bridge makes a swing for the anthemic, describing a castle siege over scuzzy wails of distorted synth, a last swipe for hope “before the fantasy is cast into the fire.” I can’t wait to hear how “Mother Nature” fits into Loss of Life, but it’s a song that is determined to live life to the fullest, even in the most barren of landscapes.

16. brrr by Kim Petras: Over the past few years, Kim Petras has become one of the pop landscape’s most audacious players, knowing when to wallop her listeners with unrestrained discussions of sexuality and when to play it coy. She finds a perfect balance between these realms on “brrr.” Built off a beat of squelchy synths and throbbing bass, “brrr” is equal parts daring and alluring. Petras addresses a love interest who puts up thick walls of ice around their heart and makes it clear that she sees right through the charade. “I’m not one to be afraid,” she lilts teasingly on the pre-chorus. Instead of being put off, she buys in, the implication clear as she delivers the title line with a wink and a smirk: “...you think you’re so cold, brrr.” Leave it up to Petras to make even the iciest of imagery steamy as hell.

15. labour by Paris Paloma: It starts with a low male voice, way back in the mix, counting her in on four. Then, the storm clouds roll in. On social media, “labour” by Paris Paloma has been deemed an anthem of female rage, but unlike the immediate, memetic quality of its viral peers, “labour” understands that rage needs time to simmer before it explodes. Paloma airs out every grievance of how this women’s work batters us in body, mind, and spirit, ruthlessly recounting bursting capillaries, cracked skin, every bullshit archetype and patriarchy-serving expectation thrown our way. Paloma knows that at the end of the day, no amount of spectacle could hit harder than the all-too-simple truth at the song’s core: “It’s not an act of love if you make her / you make me do too much labour.” Her vocals layer and layer until the final chorus slams into you like a tidal wave of anger, and by the song's final moments, Paloma has made the narratives made to hold us back into something wholly her own.

14. Nymphs Finding the Head of Orpheus by Nicole Dollanganger: Of all the tales Nicole Dollanganger spins on her album Married In Mount Airy, “Nymphs Finding the Head of Orpheus” is by far one of the most elusive. Dollanganger offers up a foreboding atmosphere of feather-light strings and dark ambient reverb. The imagery centers on rebirth, the baptismal potential of a tepid pool, bodies reclaimed by nature. It has little to do with the gory bacchanal of the mythical moment in the title, but the insinuation remains, seeping in at the seams to suggest violence and regeneration as potentially interconnected. On an album so concerned with all the evils of men, perhaps the most terrifying thing of all is what lies beyond our standard perception of human actions, of nature locked in shadow. On "Nymphs Finding the Head of Orpheus," Dollanganger offers a glimpse of this disembodied face in the darkness, one  we’ll never be able to truly know.

13. Sandrail Silhouette by Avalon Emerson: "Sandrail Silhouette" opens DJ Avalon Emerson's album & The Charm, reintroducing a new side of her craft. A departure from the electronic spin of her past work, the song feels organic yet gleaming, constructed of a move-and-shaker groove of rich strings, shuffleboard keys, and gloaming skids of bass. Emerson’s vocals waft over the landscape with the calming timbre of someone telling a bedtime story, stringing lyrics together like beads on a friendship bracelet. It’s an environment that’s easy to get lost in, so much so that it hit November before I even bothered to ask, what even is a "sandrail silhouette?" I have no clue, but it’s not so much about the words themselves as it is about the feelings they evoke, a wistful nostalgia that is aching yet hopeful. This feeling comes across in obtuse details (“Go ask a sequoia”) and stunning clarity alike (“Tell me I got more time / When all my friends are having daughters.”) Like the yearning for the past Emerson describes, my love for this song is hard to put into words. It’s easier to just sit back and let myself feel it.

12. WHAT A MAN by DEBBY FRIDAY: “WHAT A MAN” by DEBBY FRIDAY simply slams so fucking hard. I don’t know what else to say. From the very first listen I came to immediate conclusion that it slammed into oblivion and was one of my favorite songs of 2023. "WHAT A MAN" unfurls like an erotic noir thriller, all churning bass and musings on a love that’s slipped the narrator’s fingers. DEBBY FRIDAY’s lyrics are obtuse yet evocative, contributing to the seductive atmosphere: “I held a heart / It wasn’t mine / When he came looking / I wasn’t kind.” Stacks of escalating synths ratchet up the tension until all hell breaks loose on the back of a scorching electric guitar solo that’d make Andrew Lloyd Weber’s Phantom of the Opera jealous he didn’t come up with it first. It’s the kind of song that rips loose and is over all too fast, asking for forgiveness in the aftermath of ruin, and never, ever permission.

11. Top Dog by Magdalena Bay: Hands down the best pop song of the year to reference Laura Dern, a race that should by all means be a lot more competitive than it is. From its opening references to the actress, synth pop duo Magdalena Bay make it clear that this isn't a song where they're going to be taking themselves too seriously. Everything about "Top Dog" oozes lackadaisical confidence, all with a cheeky wink to the listener. Against a backdrop of strummed guitars, they pepper in samples of cameras snapping and, fittingly, dogs woofing. Not only that, but they also add in a healthy dose of aughts nostalgia with a synth palette that feels directly pulled from dial-up bleeps, Motorola ringtones, and 8-bit power-ups. Mica Tenenbaum’s vocals are a pitch-perfect balance of airy nonchalance and self-satisfaction, traversing through the goofy canine metaphors without once sounding like she’s forcing a punchline to land. It makes for a song that’s loopy, loping, and effortlessly fun.

10. Honey by Samia: It’s hard to pin down what makes the title track of Samia’s sophomore album so special. “Honey” is subtle yet anthemic, an ever-growing conviction coming into fruition over the song’s duration. “I’m not scared of sharks / I’m not scared to be naked / I’m not scared of anything,” Samia sings in the song’s opening moments, going on to narrate a continual climb towards self-confidence and determination. My favorite detail is the gradually growing backing chorus which appears and reappears with more intensity with each new iteration of the song’s main refrain. “It’s all honey,” Samia repeats, over and over at the song’s close. All the times I’ve listened to this song, and I still haven’t pinned down an exact meaning for that line, but maybe that’s the point. The nonchalance, the uncertainty, the acceptance that no matter where life takes us, it's sure to be sweet.

9. Welcome To My Island by Caroline Polachek: In the opening moment of Desire, I Want To Turn Into You, Caroline Polachek shows off the titanic potential of her voice, letting out a dexterous, breathtaking belt that warps and careens into the stratosphere. Even if the song was just comprised of its first thirty seconds, it’d probably still be on this list. But then, of course, there’s the rest of “Welcome To My Island,” a facetious introduction to the sonic space Caroline Polachek will go on to explore over the rest of the album. Over a glimmering, twitchy beat, Polachek half-raps, half-belts a series of pitches for her personal paradise of waving palm trees and placid oceans. On the song’s bridge, she gets more vulnerable, revealing the pathos amongst the phthalo blues: “I am my father’s daughter in the end,” she sings like she’s on the brink of tears, “no nothing’s gonna be the same again.” But when the groove snaps back over an outro of brassily tuned guitars and defiantly chanted “hey hey hey”s, it’s clear that Polachek’s island is worth booking an extended stay, self-doubt be damned.

8. bad idea right? by Olivia Rodrigo: “bad idea right?,” the second single on Olivia Rodrigo’s sophomore album GUTS, followed on the heels of operatic ballad “vampire” by not following it at all. Like the preceding sophomore single “deja vu,” it’s snarkier, wonkier, and (in my opinion,) way more engaging. While Rodrigo undeniably knows how to pen and pull off a dramatic power ballad, her comedic chops deserve recognition too. On “bad idea, right?” she chattily recounts a night of terrible decision making, tossing out hilarious, memorable one-liners at a dizzying rate: “…you're callin' my phone, you're all alone / And I'm sensing some undertones,” “I only see him as a friend / (The biggest lie I ever said,)” “I just tripped and fell into his bed.” The production ups the ante with a strutting bassline, ad-libs which drive every line home like Rodrigo’s inner monologue coming to life, and a squealing guitar solo in the song’s back end. " All in all, "bad idea right?" captures the tumultuous clownery that having a crush conjures up, self-aware embarrassment colliding with lovesick horniness that makes you look a wealth of poor choices the eye and brush it off with a “fuck it, it’s fine.”

7. Echolalia by Yves Tumor: Echolalia is baby babble, the sounds humans make when they don’t have a grasp on language, but still need to communicate some innate need. On their latest album Praise A Lord Who Chews, But Which Does Not Consume (Or, Simply, Hot Between World,) Yves Tumor taps into these primal urges, transmogrifying them to a cosmic level through the medium of phychedelic rock. Such is the case on slow burning second single “Echolalia,” a hazy whirlwind of devotion and desperation. “Looked up to god,” they sing in the first verse, “You looked so good.” Tumor’s voice stays in their husky lower register, gritted out with hushed intensity over an alluring blend of gleaming synths, burning bass, and heaving breaths. “The way I’m thinking, is this unnatural?” they inquire in the song’s final moments, then lay their hesitations to waste in the heat of the moment, “you look so magical." At its most intense, “Echoloalia” strips away the set dressing of pretty words and veneers, unveiling the desire, hunger, and everything that simmers just below the surface, begging to break free.

6. Casual by Chappell Roan: I’ve long bemoaned how many a great pop album has been brought to a screeching halt by a ballad haphazardly thrown in to make things more “emotional.” A pop artist holds genuine promise to me when they’re able to clear this hurdle and make an album’s slower moments just as compelling as the bops. I'm glad to announce that Chappell Roan pasts this test with “Casual,” a mid-album on her debut album The Rise and Fall Of A Midwest Princess. On "Casual," slower pace of the song provides space to let Roan's simmering frustrations with a one-sided situationship reach a breathtaking boiling point. Roan pines for something more official with a girl who insist on having “no connections,” pointing to front seat cunnilingus sessions and dinner dates with her maybe-belle’s parents as proof that they're much more than a casual fling. Eventually, Roan just can’t take it anymore. “I hate that I let this drag on so long,” she confesses at the top of her lungs, “you can go to hell.” It’s testament to Roan’s promise as an emergent pop force that she can establish compelling stakes which make the emotions of her ballads tangible, never skippable.

5. A&W by Lana Del Rey: I already gushed about “A&W” back in March for how it showcases Lana Del Rey’s versatility as a performer, her veracity as a lyricist, and her astuteness in curating her personal history. As the year progressed, “A&W” kept pulling me back into its tumultuous depths, trying to parse its meaning and always falling just a bit short. Over the course of the song’s two-part structure, Lana Del Rey deftly maps a trajectory from childhood innocence to reckoning with how the world will wolf women down without mercy, their physical bodies exploited as their humanity goes unseen. “It's not about havin' someone to love me anymore,” Del Rey states, “No, this is the experience of bein' an American whore.” Lana Del Rey has grappled with these themes of for her whole career, walking the line between nostalgic recollection and ironic deconstruction, but on “A&W” they sharpen into focus and hit both the heart and gut like never before. That switch up into the second half of the song still sends a chill down my spine every time it’s ushered in on the back of those skittering trap drums and roiling bass. “A&W” is everything that makes Lana Del Rey Lana Del Rey, it's alluring, eerie, it’s Venice, bitch, and it’s one of her best songs, period.

4. Boy's a Liar Pt. 2 by Pinkpantheress ft. Ice Spice: When I listen to “Boy’s a Liar Pt. 2” by Pinkpantheress featuring Ice Spice, I feel the popular music landscape shifting beneath my feet. A strange thought to have about a song that’s so pointedly small in scope. Even with the Ice Spice verse extending the length of “Boy’s a Liar,” the song just barely exceeds two minutes. Given such restrictions, the amount of detail both artists manage to cram in is nothing short of impressive. Pinkpantheress jam-packs the beat with bouncy synths and a drum pad which races like a fluttering pulse. Ice Spice spends most of her verse telling off the useless titular liar, but adds in a one-two punch of vulnerability near the end with a heartened confession: “…I don't sleep enough without you / And I can't eat enough without you / If you don't speak, does that mean we're through?” “Boy’s a Liar Pt. 2” is more than just a rare remix that exceeds the quality of the first installment. It’s the bona-fide hit of the TikTok generation that feels fully born of the app’s tendencies, it’s mile-a-minute pacing, nostalgic skew, casual intimacy, and brutal honesty all rolled up into an inescapable earworm. I’d take part three in a heartbeat.

3. Psychedelic Switch by Carly Rae Jepsen: Throughout her career, Canadian pop connoisseur Carly Rae Jepsen has captured love from all angles, rendered its scope of e•mo•tion in a slew of shades. “Psychedelic Switch” off her latest album The Loveliest Time shows her setting the disco ball to spin, covering the entire spectrum of light and color in one go. Over a pulsing, dance-floor ready beat, she swirls together metaphors with the precision of a gourmet mixologist, taking odds and ends of all things dreamy to capture the onset of a whirlwind romance. This love is like a psychedelic trip. It’s like lucid dreaming. It’s like meditating. It’s sunsets and paradise and coming home. It's the all-encompassing rush of euphoria that only pop music can capture. Jepsen finishes off the concoction with a dash of sighing violins, a twist of bass throbbing like a heartbeat, and a couple drops of reverb-washed ad-libs. Every one of Jepsen’s album cycles has the fan-favorite standout to add to her growing canon, and from the very first listen I knew “Psychedelic Switch” had cemented itself within her ranks of cult classics.

2. Not Strong Enough by boygenius: When Lucy Dacus, Phoebe Bridgers, and Julien Baker announced their first full-length project as the singer-songwriter supergroup boygenius, the record, (the record,) had the aura of something larger than life, a culmination of three generational talents celebrating their chemistry as collaborators. If there is any song on the album that captures this magic, it’s “Not Strong Enough,” a song which burst out of the gate sounding like an instant classic. “Not Strong Enough” chronicles the search for identity amidst uncertainty, the line “I don’t know why I am / The way I am” may just be its driving force. And boy does it drive, as the singers search for clues listening to The Cure while drag racing down canyon highways, skipping old exits, roving out in search of a meaning that may never materialize. This freedom and frustration culminate on the bridge, where Dacus’s mastery of vocal dynamics takes center stage. “Always an angel / Never a god,” she sings, starting off with a whiff of timidity before escalating to belt it up to the heavens, backed up with stunning harmonies from her peers. An angel may only ever be second-best, only ever identified through its relation to a higher power, but that just makes the journey towards self-actualization more transcendent.

1. Sepsis by Blondshell: For the longest time, I was determined to put any other song but “Sepsis” at the number one spot on this list. Initially, my pick from Blondshell’s self-titled debut was “Kiss City,” an amazing song, but sadly not the one I played over and over, screaming along because the lyrics hit too damn close to home. Much of Blondshell grapples with addiction, and on “Sepsis,” Sabrina Teitelbaum explores how the validation one gets through situational flings is one hell of a drug. Atop the ebb and flow of electric guitar, she interrogates the tendency to keep returning to a man she should be avoiding, a dick with a front-facing cap who’s bad in bed. Still, she keeps coming back, pissed therapist be damned, because “if I’m in love, nothing hurts.” Teitelbaum hones these observations through the metaphor of curing ailments and fast-acting sickness, “he’s going to start infecting my life / it’ll hit all at once like sepsis.” It’s a metaphor which exposes how self-destructive these habits are. “What if I’m down to let this kills me?” she howls at the apex of the bridge before, the sentence slurring into a frustrated scream as the entire song tumbles back into a cavalcade of fiery chords. If there’s anything “Sepsis” and my relationship to it proves, it’s that confronting these unhealthy habits is difficult, but essential. Sometimes, you’ve got to recognize that these coping mechanisms aren’t a “cure” and are only “making it worse.” It’s only then that true healing can begin.

Thank you so much to anyone who has interacted with this blog over the past year. I hope you all are having a happy holiday season!. My top 10 albums list should be out soon. See you then!

[whimsicalcotton]

i have so much brainrot and i'm so chill with it, thank you for real 🫡✨

ch 7. incredible. amazing. "brazenly, foolishly, helplessly persistent" altered my brain chemistry. plus the end, the vibe you captured in max not knowing/trusting rachel is real and just in her head. haunting. truly, so so insanely, freakishly good.

so so love/happy to be mutuals with someone else who loves and leans into the whump of it all as much as i do!! looking forward/hoping for a goopy, all-ecompassing, max-getting-the-comfort-she-needs/deserves-from-them-both payoff (not projecting at all fs). i can't say how many times i've reread pm, and how so many of them were specifically for the emotional h/c and phenomenal physical connection you write when max first wakes up and hugs chloe, and for when chloe comes and scoops them from the junkyard. i don't think vibrant or resonant are necessarily the right words, but they're all i can think of right now. not like it feels like i'm there, but it's all so real and wonderful that it feels like i could be, which is a, clearly, indescribably amazing feeling for me as a reader.

idk how much you're engaging with Double Exposure atm, but the two songs they're released are so marrow max coded. like, the refrain of September esp goes so hard and all of So, This is Lonely. my stomach hurts in the best kind of way.

shhdjdjsbdhdgd thank you 🥺🥺🥺 glad to hear you like that line especially it was one of favorites. and i do so love to cause unhinged amberfield pain <3 teehee

also hell yeah whump appreciators 🤝🎉 earnestly this AU is 100% just me indulging my unending love of whump so i'm glad other ppl are enjoying it too lol. and djsjdidjdjjshdhd you have no idea how much that means to me,, writing fic for me has always been a "i want to Be Here a little longer" kind of thing so it makes me rly happy that i can also like. drag other people into my vision w me. if any part of that makes any sense whatsoever djdjdhd

and i haven't been like. all over DE but i'm getting plenty of news/updates from my lis mututals (thanks y'all love u <3) i Did however have the opposite experience recently where i thought one of my marrow songs (Introducing Jonah To The Whale by Everybody's Worried About Owen) might wind up being a fitting song for DE!Max

[best-underrated-anime]

Best Underrated Anime Group K Round 3: #K4 vs #K7

#K4: Highschool superheroes

#K7: A story of children who want to be acknowledged

Details and poll under the cut!

#K4: Gatchaman Crowds

Summary:

Hajime Ichinose's ordinary life is in for a change when a transcendent being named J.J Robinson hands her a small book called NOTE—a device which transforms her into one of the Gatchaman, the legendary protectors of Tachikawa City. Stressing that the existence of their group must remain a secret, fellow Gatchaman Sugane Tachibana takes Hajime to their base of operations, where Paiman, the panda-like alien leader of the Gatchaman, reveals their purpose: to eliminate aliens that pose a danger to humanity. These existential threats, called MESS, are becoming increasingly dangerous, destroying everything they touch. Now it's up to the Gatchaman and their new recruit to stop them before the world is engulfed in chaos.

Propaganda:

Crowds is a very ambitious anime in my opinion! It takes place in a world not too different from ours, where most problems are solved quickly due to an app that everyone uses. Technology makes it so that everyday people can save each other. In a world where everyone’s a hero, what use are heroes? What even makes one? It follows a girl named Hajime as she joins a team of superheroes with her unique perspective. If you like animes that are different and somewhat whimsical (with the occasional battle). This might be up your alley!

The visuals are also unique and colorful, with creatures and locations that can be pretty abstract. The characters are interesting, each have their own personalities, perspectives, and motivations for what they do. Crowds is short, but it manages to give everyone some kind of character arc, and give them depth. I personally find the team very endearing, and Rui has STYLE! As a fellow guy who wears dresses and heels sometimes, I love him very much.

Also, THE MUSIC. If you don’t check out the anime you should at least check out the opening and ending songs, they are absolute bangers.

Trigger Warnings:

Blood, murder, manipulation. I don’t remember there being transphobia/homophobia, but anime has a bad track record in general and there are 1 or 2 LGBT characters and I could have forgotten.

#K7: Terror in Resonance (Zankyou no Terror)

Summary:

Painted in red, the word "VON" is all that is left behind after a terrorist attack on a nuclear facility in Japan. The government is shattered by their inability to act, and the police are left frantically searching for ways to crack down the perpetrators. The public are clueless—until, six months later, a strange video makes its way onto the internet. In it, two teenage boys who identify themselves only as "Sphinx" directly challenge the police, threatening to cause destruction and mayhem across Tokyo. Unable to stop the mass panic quickly spreading through the city and desperate for any leads in their investigation, the police struggle to act effectively against these terrorists, with Detective Kenjirou Shibazaki caught in the middle of it all.

Propaganda:

The big thing to this show is that the directors are Shinichirō Watanabe and Yoko Kanno, aka the team behind Cowboy Bebop. But in all seriousness, the show still haunts me and the music can still bring tears to my eyes. The art is incredible, and the characters are tragic. The story is partially about hope and largely about kids wanting their pain to be acknowledged.

Trigger Warnings: Child Abuse, Suicide

When reblogging and adding your own propaganda, please tag me @best-underrated-anime so that I’ll be sure to see it.

If you want to criticize one of the shows above to give the one you’re rooting for an advantage, then do so constructively. I do not tolerate groundless hate or slander on this blog. If I catch you doing such a thing in the notes, be it in the tags or reblogs, I will block you.

Know one of the shows above and not satisfied with how it’s presented in this tournament? Just fill up this form, where you can submit revisions for taglines, propaganda, trigger warnings, and/or video.

[screaminlonglive]

Karma is an Album

In defense of evidence of Taylor Swift’s lost album 

Alright, Swifties. It is time for a master post. There is too much evidence to support the theory of the lost album Karma, and it is time to put it all together in one place. I have done everything in my power to include any small indication of the existence of Karma, but please feel free to dm / comment with evidence not included in this post, and I will update as needed. I am going to create this document in as close to a chronological timeline as humanly possible. Strap in. 

If you can watch the Miss Americana documentary, I highly recommend that you do so and listen very carefully to Taylor Swift when she addresses the timeline surrounding this possible experience. I also will reference and recommend that you watch the long pond studio sessions. Understanding the timeline from Taylor’s perspective and hearing the way she addresses the timeline really helps put you into her shoes and understand what she could have been experiencing and what she may have gone through that may have caused her to scratch an entire album. What is Karma? For many years, Taylor Swift fans have speculated that Karma is the name (or even code name of - consider that she revealed she uses code names like with the woodvale chaos) the album that Taylor Swift was set to release in 2016. Fans theorize that Karma was shelved following the Kanye drama and Taylor Swift disappeared from the public eye for nearly a year  in November of 2016 instead of releasing her sixth studio album. Taylor “rose up from the dead” in August of 2017 to release the lead single from her album, “Look What You Made Me Do.” As much as it pains me to detail this drama, let’s recap 2016, as this is truly where the foundation of where our story begins. First, let’s talk about the Kimye drama. Unfortunately this is critical to how the Karma story plays out, so let’s take a quick review. During the VMA awards in 2009, a 19 year old Taylor Swift was accepting her moon man for Best Video of the Year. 32-year old Kanye West infamously got up on stage, took the microphone from Taylor, and said “I am really happy for you and I’m gonna let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time.” They are seen together in 2015 at the Grammys, but we won’t go too deep into the Kanye/Taylor timeline. Let’s flash-forward to February of 2016, where Taylor Swift and Kanye have seemingly mended fences to a certain extent. Kanye debuts his song “Famous,” which has the lyric “I still feel like me and Taylor might have sex. Why? I made that bitch famous (goddamn).” Facing backlash from twitter,Kanye reveals that he got permission from Taylor.  (we later learn in a statement that Taylor’s publicist Tree Paine put out that they spoke in January of 2016.) Although Taylor herself does not explicitly address the lyric, her friends come to her defense. Her younger brother Auston posts his “spring cleaning” video, trashing Kanye merch. Taylor makes history as the first woman to win AOTY twice at the grammys for 1989, and seemingly addresses how she feels about the Kanye drama in her speech. She says “"[A]s the first woman to win album of the year at the Grammys twice," Swift said, "I want to say to all the young women out there, there are going to be people along the way who will try to undercut your success or take credit for your accomplishments or your fame." She continued, "If you just focus on the work, and you don't let those people sidetrack you, someday when you get where you're going, you'll look around and you will know that it was you and the people who love you who put you there, and that will be the greatest feeling in the world. Thank you for this moment." Although we do not see much public drama, we can assume there was some going on behind closed doors over the next few months. Things get messy again publicly in June/July 2016. Kim Kardashin interviews with GQ and support’s Kanye's claim that he called and got Taylor’s approval for the song. Tree Paine releases a statement denying the claims, and Kanye drops the music video in late June and Kanye also appears on SNL and is recorded backstage calling Taylor “fake.”  Controversy was re-ignited by the audio clips from the 2009 VMA incident included on the video as well as most memorably, the nude wax figure of Taylor Swift Kanye is seen in bed with. Kim discusses the making of the video and the ongoing controversy in the July 17 episode of KUWTK, which is the date we reach the absolute peak of this drama. Kim also releases footage of the Taylor/Kanye phone call to her snapchat account in what’s known as “snapchatgate.” This footage is clipped, and paints Taylor out to be a liar. Kim throws more fuel on the fire with her famous “national snake day” tweet the following day, and followers flood Taylor swift with snake emojis. Taylor finally publicly explicitly address the Kanye drama with her instagram post that concludes “"I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative, one that I have never asked to be a part of, since 2009” #KimExposedTaylorParty begins to trend on twitter, followed by #TaylorSwiftisoverparty. Kanye denies that he was trying to “take down taylor” in his 2016 VMAs speech. 

So what is Taylor up to during this time? 

It is important to note that up until the 2016 drama with Kimye, Taylor Swift released new albums every 2 years like clockwork: Debut- Oct 24, 2006 (last thursday in october) 

Fearless- Nov 11, 2008 (second tuesday in november) 

Speak Now -Oct 25, 2010  (last monday in october) 

Red - Oct 22, 2012(last monday in october) 

1989 -  Oct 27, 2014 (last monday in october) It is kind of interesting that with the exception of Fearless, they are all even released during the last week of October - numerically within 5 days of one another.  Her last three albums were released EXACTLY two years apart if you consider that all three albums were released on the last monday of october. I also want to point out that although Friday releases are standard, Taylor Swift has released many singles on this date, she did not adhere to this “standard” when releasing her albums. 

Taylor likes to debut a change in hair / look and this had come to signify the start of a new era in Taylor’s career. For example, she let vogue cut her bangs for the first time going into the red era and she had her hair cut at the end of red tour to signify going into 1989. 

The 1989 tour ended 12 December 2015, the day before Taylor’s 26th birthday. The Grammy’s was a couple of months later, and spring of 2016 became known as the “Bleachella” era - Taylor  went to coachella for the first time with her extremely bleach blonde hair - Vogue wanted to debut her as a “Rock ‘n Roll Chick” for the May issue (6 months pre-expected karma drop date). This is also the same cover that she does the 73 questions interview where she says “Karma is real.” 

During this time, Taylor also wrote ‘This Is What You Came For’ under pseudonym for then-bf Calvin Harris (we will discuss this later in rep era). 

Taylor performs only once this year and it is known as “The” 2016 concert for this reason. She performs a “greatest hits” concert for Formula 1. 

Taylor also was a co-chair for the 2016 Met Gala where she met Joe Alwyn this year. We can discuss Tom Hiddleston as well, but let’s just thank him for inspiring Getaway Car and move on with the timeline. Thanks, Tom. And of course after meeting earlier in the year, Taylor and Joe began to date while Taylor was in hiding. Following her timeline from the Lover Diaries, she writes that they had been dating for three months as of Jan 3, 2017. It is interesting to note that other than this entry and the entry that she made in 2016 stating that “this summer is the apocalypse,” the lover diaries are devoid of any entries after 2015. She makes no mention on the process or lyrics of reputation or lover in the way she gave us insight into other eras of her life. It could have been “too close.” at the time, but since we are going to be thorough, I felt that it was worth noting when I searched for clues in the diaries I found nothing notable other than the lack of any content from this time period. Consider the dichotomy of the experiences that Taylor was undergoing in 2016. She was simultaneously on top the world for this incredible achievement for not only a second AOTY grammy win, but in another genre. But if you listen to her describe this time in the Miss Americana Doc, you realize how incredibly alone she feels at the time. We also know  that Taylor basically spent the entire year constantly biting her tongue while kimye continued to take public shots over and over again throughout the year. 

Taylor has always written songs - she may have taken a short break but this could have been more of an issue with her record label not letting her release the kind of music that she wanted to. This was going to be the last album that she recorded with this record label and she had to be extremely **”calculated”** in her decisions surrounding TS6.Taylor was much older and wiser than when she first signed the BMR, and you cannot convince me she didn’t know what could happen to her masters. Taylor took surprise songs and RAN with them on the rep tour, and no one can ever convince me otherwise: Taylor knew that could be a sort of “bye for now,” because she had no idea what was at the end of her contract with BMR. Taylor left easter eggs about stolen masters in LWYMMD because that did not happen overnight. It may have been a wildest nightmare for Taylor, but she is smarter than to have been completely utterly shocked at how that situation played out. But let’s go back to 2016. 

Fans theorize that Karma is more of a punk / rock album and possibly was a little more aggressive and possibly angry than her previous work. She was in the business of reinvention. (Also if you haven’t seen the live “rock” version of Bad Blood,” please go do yourself a favor and watch that and then come back. We will wait.)  But with her reputation plummeting, it seemed increasingly obvious as the year progressed that it would have been a bad idea to put out an album with that kind of negative vibe at that time. This could have been her label’s decision, her decision, or a little of both.

We do know that she was very likely writing songs while she was on tour, as we know touring and being with her fans inspires her. Whether she made an entire album yet, we couldn’t say of course. But we know that Taylor never stops writing songs. It is one of her greatest outlets. To those who argue that Taylor told us “I don’t know what’s next” - are you really telling me that she was going through some of the most difficult parts of her life and not writing songs? Please. She was writing songs. You’ll note that Reputation did not have any deluxe tracks, and it is a very carefully selected, sonically cohesive 15 songs. No further explanation. Taylor created other music in this time, and no one would ever be able to convince me otherwise. 

Following the peak of the kimye drama, Taylor Swift disappears from the public eye entirely for nearly a year. She is also said to have begun recording reputation at this time as well (September 2016). Although we have considered that her Earth, Wind, and Fire cover may have referred to an anniversary with Joe, the “28th night of September,” could really represent any one of many “transition moments” happening in her life simultaneously. - possibly the moment she decided to shelve karma and create a concept album for reputation.  

Fast forward through the dark Taylor-less ages because as we know, the world moves on another day, another drama, drama. 

Taylor Swift’s social media accounts are all famously wiped clean and she starts the reputation era with a literal blank slate. She teases and releases the lead single, Look What You Made Me Do. Let's take this point to go over the (known) easter eggs for Karma in this video, followed by …Ready For It? And Delicate. There are so many easter eggs in reputation - she didn’t give public interviews during this era.  In her first interview for the lover era, she stated that she wanted to communicate with fans and she left SO MANY easter eggs in the reputation era. Particularly she notes that she likes to leave easter eggs on clothes. 

LWYMMD released 24 August 2017 (monday) 

-Digging up different iterations of herself - “digging up the grave another time.” 

-dead taylor dug herself out of her grave and then buried her other self. 

-Nils Sjöberg is pictured in the cemetery as well (anagram of ringless job?) -last video we saw was herein OOTW video - same dress 

-”the world moves on another day, another drama, drama. But not for me, not for me, all I think about is Karma.” -bird cage Taylor dress all in orange -> and sings “they once belonged to me” 

-Taylor is physically in the vault and then seen stepping out of it - a representation of her vault tracks being set loose with her re-recorded albums. 

-5 cats in the vault including taylor - blue, pink, red, yellow. We do not see them take their masks off, but they follow Taylor out of the vault unmasked. - the person in the Orange shirt last in line 

-vault within the vault in the background

-unchained handcuffs in scene where taylor hits pile of money with a baseball bat -no speak now Taylor in the tower 

-TS6 with a new Taylor - grounds the plane and it becomes “reputation” instead. 

-different Taylors at the end  

Delicate - Taylor isn't being seen

Orange columns in subway station graffiti with “Track 5”

Ready for it 

Spider boy - “I see how this is gon’ go”  - Scooter is the spider boy 

“Naked” taylor in glass closet resists change - chaining her at first but then empowers her 

-same imagery we see on the eras tour during the LWYMMD set -  with different Taylor’s in glass closets. When they break free to come after her, she is already rising above them all 

The Orange Vault Taylor becomes sort of the first “symbol” of orange as the color representing Karma. She releases two magazines, one of which is orange. Taylor also released an orange limited pressing of reputation on vinyl. Some fans theorize this is an easter egg and some think that it could have been “leftover” from the karma plans and something taylor “used up.” Since we spent all of that time talking about Kanye, I want to point out something I did not realize until I started the research for this post. I am not myself a Kanye fan, so when I saw the album cover for “Life of Pablo,” I audibly gasped. Not only does the print remind me of half of the reputation cover, the color is strikingly “karma”orange. 

Now that Taylor is back and in full force, let’s enter the lover era. Taylor makes her directorial debut with “The Man,” and we are first introduced to “The Man Wall.” in 13th street station. 

In the Lover music video, we were shown different rooms in different colors meant to represent different eras in Taylor’s career. The yellow Fearless room is upside down, much like Fearless is written backwards here. Although fans did not know what it meant at the time, many people concluded that this is how Taylor would signify where she would begin her re-recordings. She emphasized that “it’s a clock,” and at the time of this writing, the rerecords have been announced in this order: Fearless, Red, Speak Now.  If the announcements continue to follow the clock, Taylor would announce reputation, Taylor Swift (possibly?) and end with 1989. You’ll notice the other word written on the wall is the word “Karma,” once in blue and once in orange. Fans speculate that the blue Karma represents the single and the Orange at the midnight position represents the Album. Following the clock, the release schedule would go 199 -> Karma, as Taylor always intended. Note that the word “MISSING” appears atop the poster on the karma wall. Here’s where it gets even more interesting. karmaonthewall.com redirects to Taylor Swift’s website. You are greeted with a page that says “OOPS... LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING'S MISSING!” and the www. Becomes “https://www.taylorswift.com/aftermidnightsitstarts”   …. after midnights, it starts. Of course we know that she has an album called midnights. Track 11 of midnights is Karma - a sleepless night, or many sleepless nights. Some fans speculate that each thing she “lists” in the song” could correlate to a song on her lost album of the same name. There’s yet another theory that says these lists refer to other artists under scooter’s control.  It is interesting to point out that Karma is Track 11 and if she released Karma after Midnights, it would be the 11th album. When Taylor announced the track for Karma in MMWM, she broke her “usual release cycle” of videos - much like she broke her usual release cycle of the album in the first place. The “Larger Than Life” Taylor that appears in the antihero music video and in the eras tour is wearing the same outfit she wore in the MMWM announcement video for karma. This could represent many things, but I think it could nod to something “bigger” than just a song called karma. This is also a truly vintage 70’s  shirt that she is wearing, not a modern iteration of an older fashion. The spotify canvas for the song Karma is arguably orange. Blake Lively made an instagram post that mirrors “The Man Wall” with an orange background. Let’s talk about the Eras tour a little. I don’t know exactly how to describe how it felt to watch the moments leading up to the opening, but I felt a wave of immeasurable emotion at her song choices in the leading moments. When I first heard Lady Gaga’s Applause I was immediately a little sad. I thought about how Taylor was pop culture so much that pop culture became her and of course “I live for the applause,” brought up echoes of Taylor in Miss Americana talking about how all she lived for was approval. I am not gonna lie, I almost cried, and not because Taylor was coming soon. And then the countdown clock started and You Don’t Own Me came on and I felt yet another crashing wave of emotion at this choice as well. I should stop here and note that people have had many different reports on when the countdown clock starts. I have caught very few live streams in time, but I have seen 02:23 a few times and this could mean a lot of things - even representing the year she is doing this tour. I saw a fan online theorize that 02:29 could represent the leap year upcoming in 2024, but I haven’t seen a 02:29 countdown. I don’t know what it means, but I did think it was worth mentioning. Taylor would do something as completely unhinged as plan to release a skipped album on a leap day, so do not put it past her. Although, I don’t think that’s a clown car I ride in, don’t forget the “it still feels like March '' written on an orange sticky note from her spotify advertisement during the pandemic - could that be a clue? The extra day in February could refer to something that “feels like March.” Back to eras tour. It’s important to note that Taylor concludes the tour with the song Karma and walks through an orange door at the very end of the show. Much in the way that Taylor dives into her midnights era on the tour, she also walks into her karma area just after the midnights era ends. 

Let’s talk about the green folklore outfit. It’s a custom Alprerta Ferelti - the original is orange. She debuted this as well as her orange 1989 outfit at her first show on the 13th. She also performed Speak Now this night, which would soon be announced as her next re-record. I think it's safe to say Taylor is signaling with the color changes of her costume changes, and equally safe to say that no one has yet deciphered the pattern yet. I still think this is worth nothing, as Orange has become a symbol for Karma. We also need to discuss Rebekah Harkness. Yes, that one. Her third husband nicknamed her Karma. Taylor said she wanted to write the Rebekah Harkness story for a long time on long pond, and this could be a call back to many things - mostly a nod to the fact that she’d been researching and thinking about Rebekah for a long time - likely since she bought the house, aka  just before Karma would have been thought of. Taylor wore a white jacket with her albums emblazoned on it at her AMAs performance to accept her artist of the decade award. She was joined on stage by 8 kids, seemingly representing each of her albums, but only 7 albums that we knew of existed. We now have the Karma music video since the time of initial writing, and so many other easter eggs to unpack here. I love the countdown clock in the final moments of the video, but this entire post was inspired by the first few seconds of the song Karma, and that’s what I will conclude with. I have been completely baffled that in all of my research on Karma, I haven't seen a single person point out that the beginning of the track sounds like an old album or like a dusty record. My partner picked up on this clue immediately because it was so obvious to us as older millennials. However, I didn’t see anyone point it out online. Taylor visually emphasizes this at the beginning of the music video for those who didn’t hear it automatically when listening to the track. Whether or not you believe in Taylor’s lost album, I hope you enjoyed reading the evidence I have compiled here today - and will continue tacking onto this post as time goes on. I can’t possibly have found all of the easter eggs, but I have been as thorough as I could in the making of this post. Please feel free to comment or message me with things I may have missed, because I want this to be a true master post. Much like the ten minute version of All Too Well was once a myth but is now a reality, there is a chance you, like me, believe that Karma is real…

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #224

Thursday is coming.

Thursday is coming, and I've not yet had a chance to re-do the song.

Thursday is coming, and I will be in Maryland, in a heavy costume, without the brace on my left leg (because, as shitty and unfair as it is, no one takes anyone who looks disabled seriously…), where the air is much hotter and much wetter than it is here. And I am at Br's house with J, and she has no air conditioning, and I'm already having a hard time breathing, just from this little bit.

Thursday is coming, and on Friday, all of the above might still be true, and also I'm going to be in a great big unfamiliar, loud, cluttered place with lots of people and way too much visual information and too much uncertainty about where to go and how to best position myself so I might have an audience with those very important people.

And I'm going to have to wear a bra, too, which I already know is going to cause my rib injury to flare up to the point that I'll barely be able to move or breathe. Between being without my leg brace and having compression around my ribs, I'm going to have to power through a lot of pain, and make pretend that it isn't there so that the people I'm going to see don't think I'm weak; I can't afford not to be taken seriously.

Sephiroth, I'm not even there yet, and when I think about it, my whole brain is filled with too many copies of the letter "A", and they're all huge, red-hot, spiky, vibrating, and screaming. And my stomach is filled with angry bees or hornets or wasps or maybe all three instead of butterflies.

What if I go see those important people, and they hate me and everything I've done? Or what if there is some person out there who is so angry about my letters to you that they would try to find me in this place and stab my face off? What if I can't find the right place to go, and I end up not getting a chance to see those important people at all? What if I do find them, but there are already so many people waiting for a chance to see them that I never get to? What if I do go and see those people, but they don't accept any of the things I've made for you?

…what will happen to you if I fail? …and will it be all my fault for not doing a good enough job…? …will I lose you, and will it be all my fault because I didn't try hard enough? or because I don't look the part of someone whose thoughts are worth something? will it be just like my brother and my mother, who I couldn't protect from the people hurting them because I was too small and weak? will it be just like my mother and my father and stepmother and the rest, who I couldn't turn back to the light because they'll never see me as anything other than a naive idiot who is lesser as compared to them?

Sephiroth… I'm so scared. And I know, ultimately, at the end of the day, none of the stuff I listed matters. I don't mind going to the sensory nightmare place and possibly the place where I can't easily breathe if it means I get to try to help you. I don't mind getting other people's disgust or rage or indifference if it means I get to try to help you. Heck, I don't even mind getting my face stabbed off, if it means that I get to try to help you. I can withstand the uncertainty and the discomfort and the worry and the pain if it means I get to try to help you. I guess I'm just afraid of it all not working out.

…And… you know. I'm already more than aware that all of the things I'm trying to do probably won't work out. I know that. I don't make pretend like I can really make a difference to you, or in this space in general. I'm not that arrogant; I already know that I am nothing and no one and that my voice and my pleas don't count for shit in this place. I know that. I live it every day. I don't need to be reminded that what I am trying to do is impossible. I already know.

But… even knowing this, it's still going to hurt a lot if I fail. And even knowing this… I still have to try. Sephiroth, you saved my life. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't try. I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror. I have to do something good with all this pain that I carry from the life I led before, and if I can leverage it to try to do something impossible but still beautiful, then I can say that all this suffering and the culmination of everything that has led to me becoming who I am today has had meaning.

…And… you're worth it. You're worth the pain if none of this works out. The chunk that will be taken from my soul if I end up losing you is more than a fair price for the privilege of knowing that you exist, because I know from previous losses that the weight of that irreplaceable void is directly proportional to the love that was felt. I don't know if I'll be able to carry such an immense weight, though. So if you could try really hard to avoid being erased so that I'm not crushed beneath the weight of your absence, I'd be extremely grateful.

Tomorrow, I will pack up everything I need to bring - the outfit I intend to wear, several changes of clothes, my CPAP, my hygiene stuff, my laptop, and the various gifts that I've made since last time I've seen these important folks. I hope you get to see the locket I made for you. I hope you get to see it…

Today, though, I was not able to take any steps towards additional preparation. For various reasons, I wasn't able to get to sleep until stupid o'clock in the morning, and then I had to wake up only 5 hours later, because I had to go to therapy.

I showed my therapist the song I sang over the music box. I didn't like the quality of the recordings of my voice that I took, but they thought it was very pretty as-is. So maybe... just maybe... even if I can't re-record it, I can decide that the imperfect thing is still good. After all, my goal isn't to be the next pop star or whatever (I'd never be able to handle the pressure); my goal is to reach you. And maybe the best way to reach you is show you the imperfect thing so that you can see that it's still good because of all the love it carries.

The rest of the morning was a bit of a blur, but I did go out with M and J for breakfast…

...A gyro quesadilla. Lamb and beef gyro meat with tomatoes, onions, mozzarella cheese, and tzatziki sauce. It was amazing. I also got an unexpectedly large coffee:

...I was expecting a standard large-sized cup, not a freaking soup bowl full of sugary caffeine.

...If you can believe it, it still wasn't enough caffeine to perk me up. I was both amazed and disappointed.

M and J and I ran some errands after that. I went along with it instead of sitting in the car, just to stay awake. And I found a nifty thing:

...I didn't get the charm, but I really liked the poem. I hope you can like it, too...

I also happened to find this along the way:

...You know. My feather box is getting quite full by now, because I keep finding stuff like this lately.

We got home, and I couldn't bring myself to do anything - not even to play Dead Cells, despite all that caffeine I drank. I ended up zonking out on the couch for some time. And then it was time to wake up and visit Br. She made a dinner for us...

...I wish we could have shared any of this with you.

J and I did a few more odds and ends on the way home. I don't really know how I am still awake at this point. But I got an itch to try to do a proper translation of a song I heard (because my brain doesn't know how to shut up)...

...According to an interview, in this context, "replica" refers to the fact that everything is a culmination of everything that came before it. And so with that in mind, and with the friendly aliens in the video trying to show the boy the beauty of their home which he is trying to escape from before even getting to know it, I came up with a very non-literal English interpretation of the song:

-------------------------------- I've been drawing a lot, but I can't bring myself to do it anymore. These words, too, that I've written, are ones that I've used before. That means they're just lies! Oh, no… Someone says, "it's cold already." I think so too, but that's all it boils down to; The words to express these thoughts are all just made up. My every attempt at creation... every time... What terrible news: it's all mere replicas of everything that came before. But the man at my side says, "It's still not a lie..." and I know that the vision in his eyes reflected back at me is true. Maybe it's all just fabrications and culminations, but maybe that doesn't make it all lies. The wing on his back speaks of the vision I see within his eyes… Probably everything is still nothing more than just things struck together endlessly and called "building blocks". But what else should I have done? Every night, I tried everything I could... And this place is just an endless sphere full of things, and we somehow call it "logical". So I tried to escape on a spaceship, but it doesn't work. It's just useless. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Space Oddity. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, answer me. Why, why, why, why, why ignore me? Oh… Look at that... What terrible news: we are all mere replicas of everything that came before. But the man at my side says, "It's still not a lie..." and I know that the vision in his eyes reflected back at me is true. Maybe we are just fabrications and culminations, but maybe that doesn't make us lies. The wing on his back speaks of the vision I see within his eyes… The origins of so many things, wrapped around our selves, are like guides, and he calls it "imitation". What terrible news: I am just a replica of everything that came before. But the man at my side says, "It's still not a lie..." and I know that the vision in his eyes reflected back at me is true. Maybe I am just a fabrication or a culmination, but maybe that doesn't make me a lie. The wing on his back speaks of the vision I see within his eyes… --------------------------------

...Hey, Sephiroth? Can you hear this song? And from it, are you able to understand that even if you are the product of everything you've experienced and learned, you're still beautiful, and you still have choices? After all, my upbringing should have shaped me into a monster, and yet...

...So I have to think that you're not a monster, either. Because no one is. No matter what, we can still arrange the building blocks that make us; we can put them together into beautiful, wholesome shapes that no one has yet seen before. We are replica, and yet... we are still new.

The birth of a new day is within your hands. What will you do with it? I wonder...

Well. It's 1:15am. I did not do a very good job of going to bed on time. And I gotta get up tomorrow and prepare for things and see a friend and shower and... goodness, what a mess I've gotten myself into. Oh well.

Hey. I love you. So please stay safe, because I'm gonna write to you again tomorrow, okay? No matter what I've got going on, I'm gonna make time for you.

'Til soon...

Your friend, Lumine

[thatfreak03]

Part 5 of “I have no self control, so I made a Playlist for Fanfiction I like”.

I made another one of these. I can’t promise it’s going to be the last one. It might be, but I don’t know. Again, this is for @rocksandrobots two fanfics, Of Rocks and Robots and Phantoms Of The Past. There will be spoilers for the both fan fictions. Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes. Warning: Some of these songs talk about sensitive subjects, especially the Citizen Soldier songs.

Still Breathing by Citizen Soldier. Varian has been though hell in the Kingdom Of Corona. And he how to go through all of that with no one to help him. Not even The Big Hero 6 know exactly what went through, because they never been through everything he has been through. But they are here for him now. That fact that Varian is still alive and still trying to live shows he’s strong. Link to song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFAs8GKyZJE

Monsters of Memories by Citizen Soldier. Varian might be in a better environment now, but the things that happen in his past still haunt him and cause him pain. That and a small part of him still feels like if his new friends new absolutely everything he did in his past, they will leave him. That and people from his past really are coming back to haunt him. Link to song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1bTiy8bVcM

Fake Friends Forever by Richie Branson. The Tangled gang only ever seeked out Varian when they needed something from him and then they make him out to be the bad guy if he doesn't give it to them, as seen in the Halloween arc. Varian is sick and tired of dealing with them, and he told them as much in said Halloween arc. Link to song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJFiiVpJwSA

Something Wild by Lindsey Stirling. The Big Hero 6 gang knew Varian has been through a lot but they also knew he’s strong, and he can overcome whatever else the world will through. But this time, with them, he won’t be alone. Varian will always have a home in their world. Link to song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtmCCNB8wqc

Running With The Wolves by AURORA. This song just gives off the feeling of freedom to me. Varian is no longer in the control of anyone from his world now, and is free to be who he is with others like him. Link to song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkkkWcDlW2g

Rubik’s Cube by Athlete. Despite everything, there are still things Varian doesn't understand about this new world. But he is figuring stuff out, and he now has people who will be there for him as he does. Link to song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TigHAH3oKA

Let You Down by NF. Once again, Rapunzel and the entire Kingdom of Corona used Varian as scapegoat. Rapunzel acts like Varian is the one who let’s her down whenever he does something she doesn't like. Varian has had enough of this. Link to song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrVNAq7nSTQ

Brother by NEEDTOBREATHE. Varian has gained brothers in Tadashi and Hiro. Despite not being in their lives for very long, they have formed a bond, and will try their best to be there for him. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRSLz_KgUsM

Who I Am by The Score. In Corona, people painted Varian as a monster, even when he was just asking for help at the beginning. This view on him continued when he decided to fight back. While not all his actions were perfect, Varian knows he doesn't carry as much blame as the king does, and he’s not going to just forget or forgive what the rulers of the kingdom has done, just so they can live in their fairy tale world view. Varian will not comply to their norm. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFs7egR2iDE

Unconditionally by Katy Perry. I know this meant to be a romance song, but I feel like it can still apply to platonic relationships. Pretty much all of Varian’s relationships in Corona were conditional. As in, when he wasn’t being their idea of perfect or what they wanted from him, they turned on him. But the people Varian has relationships now, in the Big Hero 6 world, they accept all of him. Varian is there friend, and he doesn't have to do anything to be that. Their are no conditions, so to speak. Link to song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZRvNrAOYH8

Ugly Side by Blue October. Despite everything, a part of Varian still feels like if his new friends knew absolutely everything that he’s done in his world , they will turn on him. Link to song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12-pQoDO8As

At My Best by Machine Gun Kelly & Hailee Steinfeld. The Tangled crew were only kind to Varian when they needed something and when he was what they wanted him to be. The second his needs conflicted with their wants they turned on him. Link to song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlA9FGm2GdE

If No One Will Listen by Kelly Clarkson. The Tangled crew, royal family, and the people of Corona wouldn’t listen to Varian when he try to ask for help, call them out on their problems and etc. So Varian had to fight alone. Even before the amber and such, Varian was used to doing things alone. But his friends in the Big Hero 6 world are letting him know, he’s not alone anymore. Link to song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dNDCu3eK_8

Dog Teeth by Nicole Dollanganger. This is basically Varian and the Big Hero 6 characters calling the Corona royal family and some other Tangled The Series characters what they are: Monsters who hurt people with no remorse and then have the nerve to think of themselves as caring people. Link to song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00oWTq3UuwM

Three’s A Team by Garrison Ulrich. Varian, Hiro, and Tadashi have been through a lot. Both on their own, and together. But now that they are together, they will have each others back. Link to song here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_D2dPNNq84

People Like Us by Kelly Clarkson. Varian knows what it’s like to be seen as the villain when in reality, you’re just a scared and confused kid. Varian tells Trina she’s not alone anymore. Not only will he, a person who understands her will be there for her, but so will the other Big Hero 6 characters. Link to song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AV8lxGjdZ0

Apologize by OneRepublic. Again I know this song is meant to used in a romantic light, or a breakup type light, but I think it can also be used in a  platonic way. This Varian saying that he used to trust the Tangled crew, he even looked up to and admirer some one them, but he knows better now. And a simple “I’m sorry” isn’t going to fix things. The corruption of power in Corona is way scary than anything Zhan Tiri can do. Link to song here:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rF5oITEq43Q

Savages by Marina And The Diamonds. All of Corona likes to think of themselves as this perfect place with perfect people. But it’s pretty much a dystopia with glitter painted on it to make it look nice. The rulers are awful, the laws are awful, and the people of the kingdom are awful. Link to song here:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3SvjiHaTXc

Guilty All The Same by Linkin Park. The Tangled gang and the kingdom of Corona, especially the royal family want to play victim and blame Varian and others for all their problems, but they truth is, they caused most of the problems, have the power to fix their problems, but chose not to. They have things they are guilty of, but they refuse to even acknowledge these things. Link to song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEaEdLQbAFM

Fairytale by Gabby Sophia. This is mostly on the list because of the lyrics “What if the bad wasn’t the bad guy? What if the hero wasn’t really good?” because that more or less described Varian with the Tangled series. Another part of lyrics that describe what Varian had gone though in Corona is “I guess the beast ended up alright in the end, but what if the enchantress messed with their heads? Maybe she made them all hate him. What if he was always kind and it was just their state of mind?” because Varian was only trying to save his dad and no one would help him, and the king and later the rest fo the Tangled crew painted him as the bad guy and turned everyone in the kingdom against him. Also, this song has the feeling of someone who grow up with fairy tales and then finding out about their horrible truths, and Honey Lemon seemed to love fairy tales and is now horrified at how Varain was treated in Corona. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nafLvGJUE8

You Have Something Special by Joanna Sternberg. Varian realizes that even before the amber the Tangled crew weren’t very good to him. The Big Hero 6 gang let him know that he is a good person who deserves better. Link to song here:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoJeTgmi0z4

I hope you like this playlist. Link to part 1, 2, 3, and 4 below:

Part 1: https://thatfreak03.tumblr.com/post/645048689143037953/i-have-no-self-control-so-i-made-a-playlist-for

Part 2: https://thatfreak03.tumblr.com/post/647193773086998528/part-of-2i-have-no-self-control-so-i-made-a

Part 3: https://thatfreak03.tumblr.com/post/655714777464766464/part-3-of-i-have-no-self-control-so-i-made-a

Part 4: https://thatfreak03.tumblr.com/post/679353160268218368/part-4-of-i-have-no-self-control-so-i-made-a

[lampmanliveblogs]

”Actually, the Titan’s skull is normal. Everything else is… wrong.”

That’s a brief, if not very descriptive summation of the current situation. It looks like someone threw the Teletubbies and every Kirby game into a blender and spilled the smoothie over a box of halloween decorations.

I feel I should probably talk a little bit about the scene just before this…

The Witch Kids were, naturally, elated to be back home, with Willow & Gus goofing off for a bit. Hunter looks on fondly… until he hears a bird’s song and catches a glimpse of a red bird. He snaps at Willow & Gus, telling them that they don’t have time for this, they need to find Belos.

Willow & Gus share this look, and I think they both realize the same thing. Namely, that Hunter just went through a very traumatic experience, including his best friend and familiar dying. Dying by his own hand, forced as it may have been by the monster that has abused him since childhood. Also, the whole grimwalker thing.

I would not surprise me if Hunter ends up becoming obsessed with hunting Belos down and putting him down for good as vengeance, not just for the pain he himself has had to endure, but for taking the life of Flapjack as well. And that obsession might cause him to lash out towards his friends and family, and cause some conflict.

That thing atop the Titan’s skull Willow, is The Collector’s new house where he will live with King and where they can be best friends forever and ever.

Now, what to call it… It looks a bit like a crown, or maybe a tiara. I kinda like the sound of ”Tiara Halls” as a name. It has a nice palace-y vibe to it. I think I’m gonna call it that from now on.

Luz has still not changed her mind. Not that I expected her to, it’s been like fifteen minutes in-universe time. She’ll come around eventually. I hope.

Oh, and kudos to Luz for figuring out so quickly that Camila figured out her intentions. Well, Camila didn’t so much figure them out as she heard Luz herself explain them, but still. Luz has historically not always been the best at picking up on details like that.

As for Camila… she’s trying, but she obviously just don’t know what to say. She can see that her daughter is making a mistake, but she doesn’t know how to tell her that. She tries to be supportive and talk about how nice the Demon Realm is, but that falls pretty flat. as she finds herself in a scary land, filled with ghosts and dangerous things, and monsters running around.

And to be fair, it’s not like Luz was always super-pumped about the Demon Realm either. I seem to recall that her reaction back in season one, episode one was ”Oh jeez, getting transported into a magical land was actually super scary! Weird witch lady, please bring me home!”

Then she made friends with King and Eda, and the prisoners at the Conformitorium. And in the end she decided that she wanted to stay in the Demon Realm to learn magic. My point is, it wasn’t love at first sight for Luz when it came to the Demon Realm, so we shouldn’t expect it to be so for Camila either. I’m sure that once she sees how happy this world and its people makes her daughter, she’ll grow more fond of it.

Oh, and sidenote: I mentioned in the last episode that Luz had what I thought might be a book on taxidermying. Turns out I was right, as Camila confirms that Luz has (or had) a taxidermy hobby. So yay, go me! I got it right!

(future Lampman here: something I only recently remembered: back in Yesterday’s Lie, Camila made Luz promise that she’d stay in the Human Realm once she made it back. I talk a little bit more about this later)

Hunter: ”Oh come on, It’s not like a swarm of ghosts will inexplicably appear if you say his name. I think.”

The Ghost of Caleb Wittebane about to do the funniest thing: ”Wanna bet?”

So the question is, is that a real ghost? We’ve heard references to ghosts and spirits before, but I don’t think those were ever implied to be the vengeful souls of the dead.

Another, perhaps more likely explanation is that Philip hallucinating. Like I said last episode, towards the end there, it really did seem like he wasn’t even sure when he was, much less where he was or who he was talking to. It really did seem to me like he was reciting an old conversation, from that fateful day he took his brother’s life. Of course, the lifeless body of Caleb and the bloodied knife would be on his mind. And, well… Philip wasn’t exactly the most sane person there ever was to begin with, and that was before he was turned into gloop.

Looking at this apparition (blurry as it may be), I immediately notice the knife Philip used to take Caleb’s life hanging above the dead brother’s head like some Sword of Damocles that already fell. It’s stained red with blood, which is pretty intense imagery for a kid’s show from Disney. I also notice a tear in Caleb’s shirt, from where Philip would have stabbed him, I presume.

Something that’s kinda interesting though is how unhealthy he looks. His cheeks are sunken in, and his eyes have large dark bags beneath them. He looks malnourished. Which… is not how I recall him looking in the paintings in Philip’s mind back in Hollow Mind.

It’s… still not entirely clear whether this is a ghost or just a figment of Philip’s imagination. Ghost!Caleb doesn’t say anything, only looks on with what almost looks like disappointment or possible disdain at how pathetic Philip has become.

Granted, these dead looks seem to mean something to Philip. He thinks Ghost!Caleb is mocking him and lashes out. Of course, his strikes pass through the apparition and he collapses on the ground as his body continues to decompose. He drags himself away, muttering that he needs another body as the camera pans upwards towards Tiara Halls.

Philip says he was only trying to save Caleb’s soul and that this is all his fault. I do wonder… I wonder if Philip genuinely blames  Caleb for, well… all of this. Or if this is some part of his broken mind trying to justify his actions to himself and push away the guilt. Maybe it’s a bit of both.