#though it feels like i've been grieveing him since before he died

[trans-axolotl]

content note: discussion of suicide.

this next monday will be the six year anniversary of losing one of my friends to suicide.

when he died, my high school barely mentioned his death, even though for other students who died by things like car crashes or illness, there were so many public expressions of grief. they believed that having any memorials for a student who died by suicide would encourage other people to die the same way. in their rush to erase the circumstances of his death, they erased the memory of his life.

there are so many things i am angry at that high school about in terms of how they treated mental health (mandatory reporting and collaborating with cops, their refusal to recognize the ways in which that system led to peer-to-peer crisis support, their refusal to recognize the ways that trying to keep each other alive through trial and error was scary and exhausting, carceral disciplinary policies, etc etc etc). but i think one of the things i am still angriest about is the way they enforced shame around his death. it felt like they were retroactively blaming him for the constellation of circumstances that made suicide an option in his life. it felt like they were blaming those of us who missed him and cared about him and wanted to grieve him. it made those of us still there who were actively suicidal feel even more scared about the reaction if we did reach out for help from one of those mythical safe adults.

as an adult now involved in psych abolition/mad liberation work, it makes me so fucking mad to see the ways in which he was discarded by people in authority positions. and the older i get, the more options i have found in my life for making sense of the world and finding healing and community and support which were never available to him because he died when he was 16 and the only things offered to him were a carceral psychiatric system that blamed him for his own fucking death. it feels so incredibly unfair.

i miss him and i think i always will; i can't remember his laugh or the sound of his voice or his favorite color any more and that aches. this grief is so heavy and it feels harder in a new way each year, when i become older than he will ever be. sometimes meeting new comrades or seeing new anticarceral suicide support models hurts because i wish so fucking bad that we had that back then. i remember how close we came to losing even more people that year and i know it is simple fucking luck that i'm still here when he's not.

i remember another letter (never sent) that i wrote to a friend while they were in an ICU bed after a suicide attempt when i didn't know if they would live or not. i have spent so much time in the past 10 years begging for anything to keep me and my friends alive, but even in that letter i knew that there is so much fucking violence that is hidden beneath psychiatric logics of cure and safety that promise a "solution" to suicide. I knew that institutionalization, coercion, and shame would not have helped build a life more liveable for him or **** or any of the people i've loved and lost since.

there needs to be more fucking options for care and support that aren't so incredibly cruel to suicidal people. i know so many people doing incredible work in alternatives, peer respite, a million different frameworks for healing and liberation. but it makes me so mad every day i have to live in a world where there are still people restrained, locked up in psych wards, having all autonomy and personhood taken away from them. knowing there are dozens of people every day getting blamed for their deaths the same way he was blamed for his.

i miss him. i cared so fucking much for him. and he died by suicide, and all of those things are true. he has been dead for 6 years and he lived before that and the people who loved him want to remember all of him; our celebrations of his life should not require hiding the way that he died.

Image description: [1000 origami cranes in all different colors and patterns that are tied together in strings of 25]

(these were the 1000 cranes we made to give to his parents, in memorial and recognition of how much he meant to us.)

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Vampires in the Dark

A/N: I was just going through my draft folder, and I found this little gem.

Summary: Steve dies in his sleep and wakes up a vampire. Also, why is he suddenly thinking about his own ass with images of himself wearing Eddie's vest?

Steve went to sleep after the gates closed. His bat bites were still killing him and kill him they did. He went to sleep that night and succumbed to his wounds. Yet, he still woke up the next morning. The sunlight streamed through his window and hit his skin harshly. Steve groaned and rolled out of bed, rushing away from the beam of light. His head was killing him as well as his gums. He went to his bathroom and brushed his teeth. It didn't help.

He took a shower and turned the water to cold when the hot water nearly burned his skin. After his shower, he realized he was hungry and whipped up some breakfast for himself, but it did nothing for him. Steve frowned. He looked at the clock. Shit he was going to be late. He was supposed to pick up Robin and meet the others to help with cleanup. He grabbed a pair of sunglasses and rushed out the door.

"What's with the sunglasses?" Robin asked as soon as she got into the car.

"The sun is killing me today," Steve said.

"It's not even that bright out," Robin said. "How's your bites? Are you feeling rabid yet?"

"No," Steve scoffed. "They're actually fine. The pain is completely gone."

"What? They were killing you yesterday. You were so bad, Joyce insisted that you didn't come today," Robin said. "You're going to be in big trouble when she sees you."

"Seriously, I woke up this morning and felt fine. The bites are even closed up. I mean, the sun is killing me, and even though I ate this morning, I'm still hungry. I've been having these weird thoughts today too. Like at one point, I was humming Metallica, and I was weirdly thinking about my own ass. I also couldn't get the image of me wearing Eddie's vest out of my mind," Steve said. "So, it's definitely been a weird morning."

"Maybe you miss Eddie," Robin said softly.

"No, I definitely do," Steve said, gripping the steering wheel. "It's not fair!"

He pulled over, breathing heavily, gasping for air. He couldn't breathe. Tears prickled and burned in the corners of his eyes. He let out a sob. Robin placed a hand on his shoulder and began to rub his back.

I'm still here, Stevie. I'm still here.

Steve snapped up and turned to Robin, wiping away his tears.

"Did you say something?" Steve asked.

"Um, no."

"I think I'm going crazy," Steve said.

"You're grieving, Steve," she said softly.

"But I barely spent any time with him at all!" Steve exclaimed.

"It's not about the quantity of time you spend with someone but the quality," she said.

"I think I really liked him, Robbie," Steve said.

Oh, Steve.

Steve and Robin pulled up the center of town where everyone was helping with clean up. Even though the gates were closed, it still left behind a huge mess. Houses were destroyed, and City Hall was still split down the middle. They were currently working on trying to salvage what they could. They got out of the car, and Robin hurried over to his side.

"Show me your bites," Robin glared. "I need to see if you're telling the truth."

"Robin!"

She pulled on his polo, tugging them out of his pants and raised them up. Robin's eyes widened.

"Okay, no way in hell. They're closed up alright, and they look like they healed a long time ago," Robin said. "Oh my God, Steve! Your skin is burning! In the shade now!"

Robin pushed Steve behind a wall, away from everyone, and his skin stopped sizzling.

"Okay. That was weird!" Steve said, frowning.

"Oh God! I have a theory!" Robin exclaimed.

Before he could stop her, Robin ran off. She ran towards Hopper and Joyce.

"Where are the kiddos?" She greeted Joyce.

"They're with Max. They haven't left her side since she woke up, I left them to it. They can help out later," Joyce said.

"Oh, good!" Robin exclaimed. "We have a problem."

"What is it?" Hopper asked with a sigh.

"There's something wrong with Steve," Robin said.

"I told him he needed to see a doctor," Joyce sighed. "Are they infected?"

"I think you should just come with me," Robin said.

Hopper and Joyce followed her to where she left Steve. He was no longer leaning against a wall. He was kneeling on the ground with his back to them.

"Steve? Honey? Are you okay?" Joyce asked.

He turned to them, a dead cat in his arms, and blood on his mouth.

"I'm not hungry anymore," Steve cried.

"I think Steve’s a vampire," Robin said.

Hopper and Joyce followed them back to Steve’s house. Joyce was quick. She started fussing over Steve as soon as they set foot inside of his house. She wiped blood off his mouth while Hopper hovered nearby.

"He's not going to hurt me, Hop," Joyce said.

"How do you know that, Joyce?" Hopper asked.

"Because he went straight for the cat instead of Robin," Joyce said.

"I love cats," Steve said sadly. "I wasn't going to mention it, but you guys have a weird smell that puts me off. I think I'm a vampire who prefers animals. I really do NOT want to eat another cat again, though."

"You don't feel you're being controlled at all?" Hopper asked.

"No, I mean, there's this voice in my head, but I think it's just because I miss -," Steve cut himself off.

I'm still here, Steve. I'm right here, big boy. Listen to me. I got trapped here, and I don't know how to get out. I've been trying to reach you, I don't know how, but I feel you more strongly than before. I can hear you and now I know that you can hear me! JESUS H CHRIST! ANSWER ME! I don't want to be crazy. I killed Vecna. I brought him down!

Suddenly, an image of Eddie fighting Vecna and ripping his throat out with his teeth filled his mind. Eddie was running as the world shook around him as he tried to get to the gate, but it slammed closed in front of him, and Eddie was screaming on the floor of his trailer.

I can hear you.

"Steve?!" Robin was screaming at him and shaking him.

"I'm okay," Steve said, shakily.

"What was that?" Joyce asked.

"You know how we thought that Vecna died of his wounds?" Steve asked.

"Oh, God, he didn't? Is he still alive?" Robin asked.

"No, no, no! He is definitely dead, but we didn't do anything. Eddie killed him," Steve said.

"Eddie's dead," Robin said.

"He died, but he came back, and he's like me. It's why I can hear him," Steve said. "He's stuck in the Upside Down. Robin, he died, and he turned into a vampire. Oh. Damn. I think I died last night."

"Oh, Steve," Robin said tearfully. "You died."

"How sure are that he's in there?" Hopper said.

"I don't know. How sure was Joyce that Will was in the Upside Down?" Steve asked.

"Will was her son, and she loved him," Hopper replied.

"Right," Steve said, growing flustered. "I mean, I definitely - he's a good friend, and we haven't gotten to know each that well, but I would like to, you know, as friends, which is why I think we should try to get him out of there. He belongs with me - I mean, us!"

"You don't have to say anymore if you don't want to, honey," Joyce said. "Of course, we're going to help him."

"We're going to have to open a gate, Joyce," Hopper said.

"I know, but if what he's saying is true, then that means Eddie saved the world. We need to try," Joyce said. "One last time. What would you do if it was me?"

Once they came up with a plan, it was decided that they would do it at night in a few days. Robin had wanted to come with, but Hopper thankfully decided the fewer people the better. Owens' people were still guarding the sights of the gates, but Hopper managed to get rid of the guards surrounding the place where Fred died. It was easier to get through that way. Unfortunately, it meant that El had to get involved, and, of course, she was quite eager to help the man who helped save her friends and the entire town.

"Dustin is very sad. I do not like it," El had said. "Am I going in with you?"

"No, absolutely not," Steve said. "No, all you are doing is opening the gate. In fact, I am going to go in alone."

"Steve - ," Joyce protested.

Steve sighed and took out his knife. He sliced his palm and held it up so they could watch his skin stitch itself back together.

"I can heal. You can't," Steve said. "If anything goes wrong, close the gate behind me."

"Steve, you don't have to do this alone," Joyce said.

"I'm not. You guys are going to be on the other side waiting for us," Steve said.

"You're a good man, Steve," Hopper said. "You better come back. Can't lose another kid . . . No matter what, you're our kid."

Steve fought off the tears as Hopper pulled him into a hug. Joyce pulled him out of Hopper's arms to hug him tightly, and then it was El's turn. El opened the gate, and Steve glanced at them one more time before crawling into the Upside Down. He had hoped he wouldn't have had to step foot in this place again, especially so soon. He could feel him.

Hey, Stevie.

Steve grinned and followed Eddie's presence all the way to the Munsons' trailer. Eddie was sitting on the steps and flashed his dimples at the sight of Steve. They moved at the same time, and then they were running towards each other. The two vampires embraced each other tightly, nearly bringing each other to the ground when they collided. Steve trembled in his arms tightly.

"I'm sorry we left you here, Eddie," Steve sniffled.

"Hey, none of that," Eddie said, pulling back to cup his face. "I was dead. You had to get out of there. I'm not mad."

"You're not?" Steve asked softly.

Eddie smiled, leaned forward, and placed a soft kiss on Steve’s lips. Steve returned the kiss with great enthusiasm, gripping the back Eddie's ripped up jacket. They broke the kiss and leaned their foreheads together.

"Come on, big boy, they're waiting for us," Eddie said.

"Right, right," Steve said.

Steve grabbed his hand and began pulling him along. As soon they crawled out, El closed the gate, and they were quickly ushered into the car. It was quiet as they drove to Steve’s house, and they soon piled into the house. El was the first to approach Eddie.

"You saved my friends and Hawkins," El said. "Thank you."

"And you must be the supergirl who saved our asses multiple times," Eddie said. "It is I who should be thanking you."

"Wonder Woman," El corrected. "I like Wonder Woman."

"A girl after my own heart. Really could have used the lasso of truth sometimes, huh?" Eddie asked.

"Max says it would help to use it on Mike," El said with a smile.

"Yeah. Love that kid, but he's a tough nut to crack," Eddie said.

"I like you," El giggled.

"I like you too," Eddie said, booping her nose. "Oh, I think you have something in your ear."

El gaped when he pulled a quarter out of her ear, and Eddie grinned as he showed her the trick. Meanwhile, the other three were leaning on the kitchen, watching them fondly. Steve tilted his head as he watched them. He leaned close to Hop.

"You know, they kind of look a like," Steve said.

"They do," Joyce said. "Do you think they might be related?"

"Huh," Hopper said, narrowing his eyes at them. "I'll look into it but I doubt it."

"I should probably teach Eddie how to feed," Steve said. "As much as I hate to break this up."

"I am hungry," Eddie said. "Now that you mention it."

"Come on, out in the woods," Steve said.

Steve walked out the back door with Eddie, leaving the others inside, and grabbed a bag by the door. Once they were away from prying eyes, Steve reached over and took Eddie's hands. Eddie grinned and intertwined their fingers.

"What am I excepting here?" Eddie asked as they walked into the woods.

"We're going to feed on animals," he replied.

"We're not going to kill them, are we?" Eddie asked as he went pale.

"Of course not. It's sweet that you're worried about that," Steve said and kissed his cheek. "We're going to find a deer now. Focus and use your senses."

It took a while, but eventually, they found a deer. It helped that they could see in the dark. Steve held the deer gently and exposed its neck to Eddie.

"You'll feed right here, and I'll show you when to stop," Steve said. "After that, you should be able to know when to stop feeding. When you get done, lick the wound."

Eddie gave him a weird look before exposing his fangs. He sunk them into the deer and drank deeply. Steve began stroking the back of his head, and Eddie's eyes fluttered. Steve yanked at his hair and pulled him back. He was done.

"Jesus," Eddie said.

"Now, lick the wound," Steve said.

Eddie gave him an odd look, but he did what Steve told him. Eddie grinned when the skin started to stitch itself back together.

"It's healing!" Eddie exclaimed and laughed.

"Yeah, now get the food and water out of the bag. Give it to the deer," Steve said.

"That's fair," Eddie said and cooed as he fed the deer.

Steve smiled and watched him pet the deer before sending him on its way.

"It's still very weird, but it's better than feeding on humans, and we'll certainly draw less attention this way," Steve shrugged, and Eddie stared at him. "What?"

"What do you think it's like for vampires to feed off each other?" Eddie said.

"I don't know, want to find out?" Steve asked.

"Yeah!"

Steve smirked before pinning Eddie to the ground, his hands above his head.

Meanwhile. . .

Inside the house, Hopper, Joyce, and El were waiting patiently for them to return. They needed to discuss Eddie's return and how they were going to announce it to the world. Plus, Hopper was curious to know if they could handle not one but two vampires living in Hawkins. There were so many things to talk about.

"They should have been back by now, right?" Joyce asked.

"I will go check on them," El said.

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to go out there with two vampires in the middle of a hunt," Hopper said. "I'll go."

"Do you have powers?" El asked.

"Well, no," Hopper frowned.

"Then I will go," El said.

"There's no use arguing with you, is there?" Hopper sighed. "Fine."

El went out the backdoor and came back a few minutes later.

"They are alright. I did not see them, but Eddie is making happy screams. Whatever Steve is teaching him, Eddie keeps agreeing with him a lot," El said and paused. "Mom? Dad?"

"What is it?" Joyce asked softly.

"Why would Steve call Eddie Daddy? Eddie is not Steve’s father," El frowned.

Joyce almost choked on her water as she laughed.

"You want to take this one, Hop?" Joyce asked in amusement.

"I do not," Hopper said with a groan.

"I will ask Mike," El nodded. "Once they know Eddie's alive."

"You will not! Alright, fine! I'm going to need to sit down for this one," Hopper said. "And a drink."

Once they came back, Hopper was glaring at them, and El's face was a little red.

"Did we miss something?" Eddie asked.

"I'm happy for you guys, I really am, but next time, keep it in the bedroom so I don't have to explain to my daughter again why Steve likes to call Eddie Daddy," Hopper said.

"Oh god!" Steve exclaimed, covering his face with his hands.

"Sorry about that, Ellie," Eddie winced.

"I did not see anything, but you are very loud," El replied.

"Sorry. Again, I'm so sorry."

The embarrassment that had settled over the lot of them had faded over the last couple of days. Although, Joyce still thought it was funny. Eventually, people learned about Eddie's return, and so, over the next few days, Steve’s house was filled with people. He watched as Eddie was tearfully reunited with his uncle and the rest of Corroded Coffin, Eddie introducing Steve with a huge grin on his face. His reunion with his uncle had made Steve tear up, but when Eddie was reunited with Dustin, he let the tears fall as Eddie and Dustin pulled him into the hug. He held them both so tightly, never wanting let either of them go.

"Mother reunites son with baby daddy," Robin said. "That's a great headline."

"Fuck off, Robin!"

It was strange, despite the fact that Eddie and Steve were technically dead, he never felt more alive than in this very moment.

[dorarakei]

looking at how peaceful and content nanami is in the newest chapter made me feel... as if some weight is being lifted off my shoulder. you know, when he died i was so hurt by it i can feel the pang on my chest as i read "that" panel. i remembered crying my eyes out, and then i woke up with one of the most puffiest face i've ever woke up to. i remembered questioning his death because i thought it's just silly to kill him off in such early phase of the manga. i remembered how empty my chest feels like for the whole week... i can't even describe how much i grieve for him, how much i love him even though he's just a fictional character. i even stopped reading and watching jjk for some months....

but then, chapter 236 came out and we're presented with nanami again. this time is just the same as before: i cried so hard i woke up with puffy face. i had to wake up and go to classes with it. i remembered i went to a coffee shop and the barista were just staring at my face due to how puffy it is. i thought it's a bit cruel for gege to bring him back in a scene, especially in a farewell scene after giving him such a brutal death..

for some days i grieve over the fact that the cost of nanami's smile and peace is his own death. poor man only wants to have something or somewhere or someone static to rely on or to be safe with- he might look all tough and stoic outside, but did you know? deep inside his heart, he's always on the edge, he's always secretly scared to lose, he knows life is so... fleeting, one moment he might be talking to you but the next? who knows? are you going to die? is it his turn to go to the afterlife?

but then again, this is life. nanami can't choose to stop living it. how could he? his mind might be wishing to stop, but his body says the otherwise. when he wakes up alive, intact and breathing, for him it's just a way the universe begging him to continue his life... he could only wish that one day his body, too, could stop on its own. and so he did try to live until the very end of his life.. he didn't regret doing so.

looking at him, so peaceful and content and even his smile looks so.. heartfelt, makes me feel the same. i'm so glad and i feel content looking at him finally getting the calm that he deserved. you know what my reaction is when i see him smiling on jjk 236? i let out a sigh. my shoulders is no longer tense. i realized that i've been holding my breath since i opened the chapter.

this serves as an ending to my long-lasting grief towards him, too. he might have died, yes, but then, at least, he finally got what he deserved there. he could buy those filled breads from the convenience store that he loves so much but got discontinued. he could read the books he bought but haven't had the time to read it yet. maybe he can take better care of his hair, too, so that he would no longer wake up to strands of his blonde hair on his pillow.

[inconmess]

I've been building up this post for quite a while so I think everything in this post is kinda out of order and looks like a bit of a big word vomit... So sorry in advance. Also since it is kinda longer than I realise, I am putting it under the cut. And I am open to any discussion.

(Personally think I may have gotten a few things wrong and if so, please correct me?)

I think the thing about Orym and grief is... A part of him has never let himself grieve his loss properly. He has accepted that they are dead and will never come back, yes. He makes it a point to live up to them everyday, yes. But acceptance is not the same as grief, it is a part of it but not the same.

And this was an interesting discussion I was having with my friends and I feel that it strikes so true here, is the fact that you remember the worst moments of your life more vividly than the happiest moments because in your happy moments, you don't question what happened to you as much as you question your worst moments in life.

And Orym has lived with that question for six years. Now, the same could be said to Ashton and Imogen and Fearne and the rest of the Bells Hells really but as pointed out in this post by @caeslxys. (a really good pot btw) Even though the others have had their questions as to why a particular bad incident happened, Orym has had the shortest time to actually cope with it while for the others, it has been years at this point and maybe they have sort of come to peace with most of their shit before it came back to hit them in their face. And for some, it just hit them recently.

And for Orym the question of "Why?" resurfaces again and again the more he seeks out answers and when he does get the answer... I don't think anyone would really love to learn that the two most important people in their lives were dead because "it was just collateral damage. They didn't really have to die but they did." Not when you were having a happy, peaceful life. They signed up for this, yes. But it is also not fair to have your whole life cut short just because a big shot wants to test a theory.

And I am not trying to say that Orym bringing up his losses every time they have a discussion about the Vanguard is right or wrong because he has every right to and may be wrong at the same time because he is biased. Because at this point, he is very biased.

Apart from what I mentioned above, Orym watched Otohan kill his husband and father. He fought Otohan again and this time lost his life, Fearne and Laudna. He fights Otohan again and nearly loses Keyleth. Fights Otohan again a fourth time and knows that there would've been more losses if FCG hadn't sacrificed themselves. Not to forget Otohan killing Eshteross, something I think Orym internally blames himself for because she read his mind for the information. And even if Otohan is now dead, the loss stays.

I also think that seeing Will when he died had more of a personal impact than he realised because I know while seeing the dead person can sometimes bring some comfort, at the same time, when you are trying to live up to them, trying to answer questions that are just beyond you when you really haven't had the chance to completely grieve and accept, the grief possibly just hits you more.

SO while the Hells have had their personal losses with the Vanguard and Otohan, I think Orym has had the longest beef with the group among them all. He didn't know about the Vanguard 6 years ago, yes. He discovered their name along with the rest of the Hells. But loss wise, Orym was the first of the lot to suffer due to the Vanguard.

This is not me trying to put an exact scale or measurement of the loss cuz it is intangible and stuff. But he's been dealing with it for 6 years. Maybe not for harbouring revenge, but the resentment hasn't completely gone but rather festered the more he seeked answers. So he is going to be extra jaded.

But not to forget the fact that up until Bordor, he did try to see the Vanguard's point too, still kinda does (the locket he took from a Vanguard member as a reminder) but I think by the time of Bordor's betrayal, he's had too many losses with the Vanguard to actually care of their point of view because all he's seen of their group is innocent people getting killed or almost killed for no reason at all.

Bordor's beef as a person from the Vanguard had been against Laudna, Orym and Ashton but he still nearly killed Prism and would've probably marked it off as collateral if she'd died. Dropping off the locket with Bordor doesn't mean that he left all his empathy but at the same time, like he mentions, they are at war. And war doesn't really discriminate amongst people. It just takes.

Like he said to Imogen, I think he still tries to believe the Vanguard can have some people who are good and not all of them are evil but all he's know from the Vanguard at this point is loss and Liliana's blind faith towards Ludinus or Predathos doesn't help.

So back to the recent episode.

Do I think that it is wrong for Orym to bring up to Liliana about his dead family as an answer to her response. No. Do I think it was a wrong time to bring it up? Maybe. Because Liliana was not being confrontational but Orym was turning confrontational the more the discussion happened.

But the thing about Orym saying it to her face is that... It is one thing to know that there have been deaths and even if Liliana didn't directly cause it, she was a part of the group that did and brush it off as collateral damage. And no one does a census or survey post the "collateral damage" on how it affects the other person because now, they have what they want to there is no use to go back there.

And Orym is kinda like that mirror which is like... "SO you had a loss because of the gods and now are going around leaving collateral damage you want to fix stuff? Guess what? Your collateral damage was my life that you just uprooted just like the gods/god people did yours, so are you really any different from the people you hate and the change you want to bring about?" (which is kinda the parallel between Orym and Bordor I find really interesting because this is a cycle that is never ending at the end of the day)

And did Orym need that outlet? Hells yeah. GIVE THAT MAN A HUG!

[hello-eden]

revere robins au

I have more ideas for my reverse Robins AU.(Most ideas are about Alex)

I have split the bat kids into groups in my head

 terry, helena, Anastasia and Carrie  - older siblings

 matt, alex, Steph and Tim -middle siblings

 duke, cass and Jason -younger siblings

 Richard and Barbara -baby siblings

The groups that I usually followed my head for who they are the closest to 

 I have somehow given Alex eldest daughter syndrome due to her ending up taking care of her younger siblings. 

Stephanie, Tim, Alex and Matt originally met due to Stephanie starting a brawl with a bully that had a lot of kids involved, they became friends in the principal's office.

Tim was taken with Stephanie by the joker but was the last one to know that she died.

Tim was still missing when Anastasia killed the Joker and when the big fight happened. He ended up being found by Alex  a few hours later. 

Alex and Matt got into a huge fight after the big fight due to Alex wanting to stay behind to look  after Tim and to not go to bludhaven with him. the fight only lasted 2 weeks before Matt caved and called Alex after a bad injury( it was not life-threatening but it did hurt badly)

Alex originally only stays at the Manor to find Tim but then realizes that Bruce is not taking care of Cass due to his grief and ends up staying there longer.

Alex went from the youngest to being the oldest in the house taking care of her younger siblings; she is still the oldest in the house when Bruce starts taking in more kids. 

Duke thinks that Alex is the oldest child until Carrie comes to the house to talk to Alex about Anastasia and the rest of her siblings.

Alex has a lot of resentment towards her Elder siblings due to them  not contacting her thinking that she was on Bruce's side. 

Tims not paralyzed in this au but he does switch between canes and his wheelchair Due to the torture that he endured. 

Alex gets into a lot of fights with Bruce due to him taking in more children but not talking to his Elder ones until Stephanie is back. She feels like she has taken care of the children more than he has for a long time And she is very much not afraid to yell at his face about it though not in front of her younger siblings. 

 Carrie runs a diner in this Au. I do not know why but it just has been something that I've had in my head since the beginning. 

All of the older children except for maybe Carrie have gone at least borderline villain though they do end up being more of a morally gray hero in the end.

Tim and Alex become codependent for a time due to them being the only person they can lean on for their grief. They can also talk to Matt but he is literally another city to get away from what happened.

 I feel like the younger siblings end up thinking that the older ones are so cool And because they didn't see what happened for them to leave they definitely don't understand what Alex Matt Steph and Tim feel about the older ones.

 I have so much angst for how Matt Alex Steph and Tim view there older siblings you do not understand the amount of angst that I have. 

 Duke is taken in barely a year after Stephanie has died and all of the older siblings are not talking to Bruce. Everyone in the family is still grieving and Duke is now thrown into a family still in morning but not able to talk about it due to Stephanie technically not being legally family. Unlike Jason's death in Canon that was very publicized Stephanie's was very much on the down low as to not Turn Stephanie into a spotlight tragedy and to not link their identities. 

 While Bruce is in the timestream all of the older siblings are fighting for the cowl. The middle siblings are taking care of the publicity and custody of the younger siblings. The younger siblings are trying to figure out if Bruce is actually dead and the baby siblings are traumatized.

[abybweisse]

Ch206, Grieving

@aretemisapollo commented on the cover and title art post for ch206, asking if "Grieving" refers to the loss of Snake's life or to Snake learning the truth about the circus troupe he calls family.

It could refer to either, both, or those two plus other losses.

There are multiple potential losses here, as well as several stages to grieving. This site gives some good basic information about types of loss, types of grief, stages of grief, and suggestions if you need help dealing with grief.

Forgive me, if I've missed a potential example here. However, anyone reading this should feel free to tell me about those missing potentials.

Snake learning the truth about the other circus members' deaths and asking Finny whether it's true that he killed Jumbo (if it's even true they are all dead): This is the loss of loved ones who have died. Questioning is part of the denial phase. He's actually previously been in the anger stage of grieving over this loss, back when he figures that "Smile" and "Black" caused them to go missing, so he goes to Phantomhive Manor to kill "Smile", our earl. But our earl lies to him, saying he doesn't know where his missing circus family is and that he's still looking for them. This lie has inhibited Snake from grieving that loss.

Snake trying to process the truth that his circus family would kidnap and harm children and asking Doll to confirm: He's clearly still in denial here, too, even as Doll lunges forward to attack a child. This is interesting, because it suggests he's been stuck in this phase for a while now, since our earl told him several months ago that the other first string circus members had been kidnapping children. That's why our earl is supposedly still looking for them, even though Snake probably notices there haven't been any active searches. All those months, he's probably been in inhibited or delayed grief over this harsh truth. After our earl lies about the troupe's whereabouts, he offers Snake a job (and a new family), so Snake has been kept too busy -- working and getting to know these new people -- to really process what his new master says about his loved ones' crimes.

Since he's dealing with more than one loss, Snake has cumulative grief.

Doll and the other kids, seeing that Snake's neck has been cut so deeply: This is anticipatory grief. Snake isn't dead (yet), but his death is likely. Doll is clearly shocked, which is often included in the denial stage, though some sources list it separately, as the very first stage. We have to assume the others are in initial shock, as well. Very quickly, this could turn to a bargaining phase, where Doll or the others beg or even pray for help to save his life. It could also turn into anger; not only could the others hate Doll more than they probably do already, but Doll could also hate herself for what she's done.

Snake, Finny, and the top students might all be grieving the possible failure to save not just themselves but also the other students/orphans. This is somewhat anticipatory. It's also collective. This might fall under the depression stage, since they are fearful and sad. Just remember that the stages don't always have to be in order, and sometimes people leave a stage but return to it later. These top students have been worried about this before Finny and Snake even arrived at the orphanage.

Doll's continued grief over the loss of her circus family has her stuck in anger, and we could say hers is complicated and/or traumatic grief, since it's been so prolonged... partly by the cinematic records Undertaker used for her episodes. This forces her to remain angry and seek revenge.

What other examples of grief are there in this situation? Perhaps Susan worried (anticipatory grief, anger phase) that she won't be able to collect more paychecks? Eff her. She's horrid. Same goes for the head matron.

Anyway, that's all I can think of right now.

[mamawasatesttube]

I am lost in the sauce of thinking about how Bruce would react to Robin!Kon. Does he obsess over the fact that an alternate version of him lost and replaced Tim? Does he feel guilty for not taking Kon in in this version of reality? Is he paranoid about and/or intrigued by the potential of a Superboy with full Robin training?

(Knowing Bruce, it’s probably option D: all of the above, but expressed in the worst way.)

he would stand on the roof and brood. so much.

GOD okay no but delving into the bruce and kon dynamic is so... HNG. it's thorny because bruce has been written as warm and kind to kon AND an anti-meta racist asshole to kon. because of who i am as a person i tend to ignore and throw out the latter bc i want to like bruce and its really impossible to make him consistent as a character without picking and choosing stuff to throw out, but... whoof.

but with that established it's so... augh. the idea of having lost tim (who only ever became robin because he lost jason first - that's two robins, two kids, dead, one after another) absolutely would haunt him. the idea of superboy (an alternate universe superboy, no less, one he knows very little about) knowing all the bat secrets and tips and tricks... well, it's not as bad as it could be, since he does trust clark's judgment and clark trusts superboy and all, but. it's not his favorite thing.

honestly, i think main universe bruce would be so fucking awkward with robin kon, more than anything. he wouldn't know how to handle the horror of his existence + this version of kon who knows him so much better than he knows kon.

what i think is really fun, though, is robin kon's relationship with his own bruce.

tim dies. bruce spirals hard. he's in a dark pit. this is jason all over again - worse, in a way, because he never fully got over jason and now it's happening again and all the old wounds are reopening but now there's new ones on top. he is in a deep, dark pit.

and then superboy joins him there.

this is a young kon. he's still sixteen. he's never experienced loss before. his first brush with grief is his best friend being ripped away from him, and he's barely even a year old. it consumes him.

so he gravitates to the other person being wholly consumed by grief. and here's bruce, broken and grieving hard and furious with the world and himself, faced with another child who loved the child he just lost so much he can't let go. what can he do? can he bring himself to turn aside a boy who loved his boy? tim's best friend? can he really?

of course he can't.

they don't make each other better so much as they just... keep each other on a leash. bruce can't let himself go too far, get too reckless or suicidal or masochistic in punishing himself, because if he has a near-scare there's a boy waiting for him back home to cry and scream and rip into him that he can't do that, he can't, i've already lost tim you can't make me lose you too you can't do that to me you can't.

he trains kon to act as a robin. to wait, to listen, to learn. to hide his strength and his flight, to keep secrets bigger than himself. he trains kon and puts him behind robin's mask - another child in that costume, wearing new colors this time - and hopes he's not making a mistake.

but hey. at least this kid is more... crowbar/explosion/bullet-proof?

[evilwickedme]

You seemed sad that nobody's asked for jayroy fic recs. I want jayroy fics! I am a simple creecher with simple needs.

God what a mood tho. ngl I'm obsessed with these two

I've already recommended some of my favs in previous posts! here and here for your enjoyment

anyway here we go

ace-spectrum!Jason

one of my favorite hc and with a lot of support from the text imho; I have more of these these are just my favs

Kiss Me, Kill Me, Take Me Home - 5+1 times somebody kissed Jason, ace!Jason

Jane Austen Never Said Anything About Speed Dating - this one's pretty long. an au where Jason never died and is dealing with trauma from an abusive ex. again, outright ace!Jason and his ex absolutely raped him, so dark subject matter but it's still so good. Jason's brothers try to get him back in the game after the breakup and he ends up running into Roy at speed dating; they decide to fake date to get both their families off their backs. some nice Lian stuff here too.

Between These Pages (Is a Wonderful Place To Be) - ace!Jason gets extremely injured and Roy reads to him, cute little oneshot

(can you feel) the fire burning through your veins - nothing wrong with a little bit of self promo, right? this is demi!gay!Jason figuring his identity out and navigating his changing relationship with Roy. it takes place in a slightly alternate timeline where he's been to therapy for a couple of years and he never slept with Talia so it's his first time with pretty much everything. there actually is smut but it's Jason's first time :D

there is sex in this

I’ve Got the Feeling You’re the Right Thing After All - more poisonivory??? yes please!!! Roy's has had feelings for Dick since their teen titans days, but still ends up in a fwb with Jason when he's asked to help Jason run the iceberg lounge... somewhat plotty, smut in basically every chapter, so fucking good

Let me shipwreck in your thighs - we all have a thing for Jason's thighs, lbr

Arrows and Bullets - a two fic series. injured Jason falls into Roy's apartment and stays there until he heals. once again, some quality Lian stuff here. the sequel fic has some minor Jason-comes-back-home and surrounds christmas.

Boys Don't Cry - trans!Jason. I think this does have a minor plot?? I can't remember it's basically just fifty thousand words of marathon sex over the course of like at least a week

there's a middle ground between ace and outright smut actually

Some Kind of Disaster - this is actually one of my favorites and I've reread the whole thing more than once even though it's a mildly long series (although tbf I've reread longer). instead of outright dying at sanctuary Roy is just grievously injured and Jason runs to his side the moment he hears and refuses to leave. there's a lot of angst. one of the fics is smutty; halfway through the series Roy discovers Lian exists and that's where the plot really kicks in. so good

The Midnight Snow - Robin!Jason is in a time loop and Roy gets trapped in there with him

Flowers Are My Love Language - Jason keeps trying to get Roy to date him using flowers, and Roy simply refuses to get the message

Around Red Hood's Barn - Neighbors au where Roy and Jason are still partners as vigilantes, Roy just doesn't know Red Hood's identity, and Roy CANNOT STAND his new neighbor Jason. I love me some good identity shenanigans in a superhero fic

Magnet Tar Pit Trap - I already linked one cowboy au in the first fic rec (linked above), why not one more

other

remember how canonically Roy died in Heroes in Crisis? ow. I actually already rec'd my favorite one of these in the first Jason fic rec (linked! above!) so check that one out too

It is only, and all about Roy - I actually really regretted not putting this in the original fic rec (again, linked above). Jason shows up in Star City and ends up collaborating with Oliver. JayRoy is only implied but either way Jason is clearly deeply grieving Roy's death and so is Ollie

Please, come back - JayRoy were together before sanctuary and Jason grieves his death deeply. happy ending tho!

anyway yeah that's some good fics believe me when I say I could've rec'd twice as many honestly. unfortunately I had to stop somewhere so that's it for now

[sebastianthemadlad]

Who do you think will die in future chapters of Black Butler?

I know I've already made a similar post theorising over how Black Butler will end but I'm very interested in Black Butler fan theories at the moment.

I'm gonna be explaining who I think will die in the future and why, some may have more detailed explanations than others since sometimes I just have hunches a character will die and sometimes I have better reasons to think so and I may also go into how I think they will die.

(warning: spoilers for a lot of the story)

1. Elizabeth Midford

There are 2 main reasons I think Lizzy will die, 1 is that I just have a hunch, Lizzy is a sweet girl but we've seen that no matter how sweet you are in the Black Butler universe there is a huge chance you will die (cough cough Agni).

And also there is a bit of foreshadowing in episode 6 (I think) of Book Of Circus. During one of fake Ciel's monologue flashbacks it shows him sitting on top of a throne with dead bodies of familiar characters beneath him. Most of the characters are characters who had already died before then such as Madame Red and Vincent, but when rewatching that scene I realised Lizzy was there as well. Could that be foreshadowing Lizzy will die in the future?

Maybe the next time she sees the fake Ciel he'll try to kill her as revenge for basically pretending to be the real Ciel, therefore Sebastian will have to come in and protect him, maybe even killing Lizzy or the least severely injuring her (and after that Undertaker could turn her into a bizarre doll or something)

2. Soma

This is definitely more of a hunch than evidence. Soma hasn't been in the manga in almost 100 chapters and we haven't seen him since 2017, the last time we saw him he was grieving over Agni's death.

I'm pretty sure he'll come back since it's not really like Yana Toboso to write off a character and never bring them back unless they canonically died or something, we've seen characters not appear for a while and then return (like majority of the grim reapers, Fred Abberline, sometimes even the servants like Meyrin, Finny and Bard if the current arc doesn't focus on them much and more on other characters like Ciel and Sebastian)

If he does come back I have a feeling he may die, I'm not really sure how though, like maybe he'll mistake Real Ciel for Fake Ciel and will be like "wait a moment why isn't Ciel wearing his eyepatch?" Or something like that and real Ciel will assassinate him to avoid suspicion.

Speaking of Real and Fake Ciel, I wonder how Soma would react if he found out all about that. I mean him and Fake Ciel are basically best friends, would he feel betrayed? Or if Fake Ciel explained why he did it would he forgive him?

3. John Brown, Charles Phipps and Grey

Sorry for including 3 characters in one, it's because these 3 are a trio and I feel like they'll all die for the same reasons.

So, if you haven't noticed or haven't watched the non canon parts of the black butler S1 anime, there are a lot of hints to what happens in the future of the manga despite most of the anime being released prior to those events.

Examples: an animal based servant (in the anime it was Pluto, a dog man and in the manga/canon parts it was Snake, who looks like a snake and can talk to snakes), the servants backstories (while some changes were made in the anime, all of the backstories were mostly the same, Meyrin was an assassin, Finny was an experiment and Bard was a soldier in a brutal war) and Undertaker being revealed to be a grim reaper

Due to all of this I have a theory that John, Phipps and Grey are all angels. Why? Well in the anime Queen Victoria had a servant dressed in white named Ash who was later revealed to be an angel and was the main villain of season 1.

What does Ash have in common with John, Phipps and Grey? They all wear white and they all work for the Queen, they also started out as characters you probably think weren't as important to the story but then later became antagonists.

It also gives Charles Grey more of a reason to stab Sebastian in the murder mystery arc, maybe the whole time he knew Sebastian was a demon? And maybe that's why he wasn't so suspicious when he found Sebastian was alive on the Campania.

I've also sensed that both Grey and Phipps had a bit of a grudge towards Ciel and Sebastian. At first I thought it was because of what happened in the circus arc (which is why the whole murder mystery arc happened), but even after Ciel proved himself they both continued to be a bit iffy around them... Again could this be because they know Sebastian is a demon?

Ash died at the end of season 1 after his evil plot to purify the world by setting London on fire (yeah I don't know why either season 1 had a lot of plot holes) since John, Grey and Phipps are all possible alternative versions of Ash I'm about 90% sure they'll also be killed by Sebastian.

4. Queen Victoria

Sort of the same reason behind why I think John, Phipps and Grey will die, except for this one I have less evidence.

Unlike in the anime, there hasn't been very much foreshadowing that Queen Victoria has made a contract with her 3 angelic servants or even knows they may be angels. However near the end of season 1 in the anime, Ash kills her because she became impure since she didn't want to be cleansed after the part of her body that was Albert began to rot.

I'm not sure if that'll be the reason for her death in the manga since unlike the anime her grief over Albert is usually played for comedic affect (like when John Brown used a doll of Albert to cheer Victoria up) but maybe there will be another reason. If she doesn't know her servants are angels but later finds out, they may kill her. Or maybe she'll just be killed by Ciel and Sebastian for some reason.

5. Real Ciel

I think the majority of us theorize he will die, he's a bizarre doll after all and almost every bizarre doll in the story has been killed, also he's sort of one of the main antagonists now after he exposed Fake Ciel for pretending to be him after death.

Again I'm not sure how he'll die exactly, but I'm about 90% sure he will die

[quaranmine]

I tried to leave this as a comment on that last post, but it got too long:

Of course Grian isn't going to say what the story is about. There's nothing to grieve. Mumbo’s not dead. He's going to find him. He believes this with every facet of his being before mid ch10. The fact that Grian doesn't say the word makes the theme even more impactful.

The first stage of grief is denial, and that's pretty firmly where Grian is for 80% of the fic. And when someone challenges him on that? Well, the second stage is anger, so he lashes out at Jimmy, Pearl, and Scar.

But once he finds Mumbo? Or rather, what once was Mumbo, it's I should hove died with him. I should have been there. Bargaining.

This forest, this wilderness he’s spent half a summer living in, isn’t visible. Instead the total darkness of night wipes it into a blank slate of inky blackness, punctuated only by the Nitwit Fire in the distance. No other lights. 

No other lights in the forest. No other lights in his heart. Depression.

We're not at Acceptance yet. So of course Grian isn't going to say what the story is about. Not yet.

Because it's like what I said in our previous talks. By the last line of ch12, Grian’s journey will have only just begun.

Ooh I love how you broke this down! You're right that Grian would never describe himself as grieving because he believes Mumbo is alive. He knows he's a wreck about it, but he wouldn't consider it grief because he thinks it's going to be temporary. He really thinks that he'll be completely fine once this all gets resolved, which is also one reason why he consistently disregards himself. (Side note--I 100% would use the word grief for people/things/concepts that are not dead, but he wouldn't lmao.)

And he is pretty angry throughout the fic as a result of that grief. I didn't want him to just be like...generically sad and mopey, I wanted him to be genuinely a little difficult to deal with. Over and over in the story he lashes out at people who say what he doesn't want to hear. Or he fails to take their feelings into account to begin with. But that's the truth! That's how it happens. People who are hurting do not often have "easy" emotions. cough @ my dad i know you are still grieving your father's death and are emotionally stunted but please be a Little nicer to us

I would also argue that his insistence on trying to find some secret conspiracy to explain everything is also a form of bargaining. I've said before that Grian is often so logical in this story that it loops back around into being illogical. That is, he's convinced he can find a Reason for something that....doesn't have a reason. He kind of thinks he can solve life. He wants to make it make sense even though it doesn't. So he constantly is trying to find ways to bargain around this in the story.

And as for depression/acceptance....yeah, he's in that zone. He needed that closure to begin to process things properly. It's going to take a chunk of time for that to process. I have also said on here before that this story isn't about resolving Grian's trauma, since that will take much longer than the time we have, but delivering him to the first step. It's a story about the first step. By the end of chapter 12 he has a little glimmer of acceptance. But it's just that, a single thread. It's more that he makes the decision to try and start weaving with that thread (however long that actually takes off-screen)

I really enjoy discussing the fic with you, thank you for the ask <3

[iobartach]

Character Info Sheet

name ; Miguel O'Hara

name meaning ; Spanish form of Michael, meaning 'who is like God.' Potential associations with the archangel of the same, but I don't really dabble in that with my take.

 alias/es ; Numerous. 🥴Some faves include S-Man, Harbinger of Thor, Man of Tomorrow, Miggy, Blue Panther. Feel free to invent your own! Just don't call him Mike

one  picture you like best of your chara: Gotta be this one! It's captivated me for a long time now! 👀

three h/cs you've never told anyone: M'kayyyy, let's see now! Focusing on my main verse, but could carry over to other verses;

Even though he's a chronic workaholic, when he has the chance, he ventures out into Nueva York, swinging between the buildings, and diving off of the tallest skyscrapers, using it as his way of exercising. It almost seems like he enjoys the feeling of freefalling... But he'd never openly admit it.

It's possible I've said some version of this to someone at some point (whew!) , but; he does crave physical contact! He's just... not yet at the point of linking the two together, held back by thoughts like does he deserve it? and who'd embrace a freak like him? But the tl;dr is, he internalises a lot! He wouldn't openly reveal he's been having such thoughts unless he's close with / trust the person that may ask.

Somewhat tangentially related to the above [since haha... I've had mixed feelings over ATSV's usage of what looked like Rapture :') ], but he still maintains an interest in science, and his previous work as a geneticist! Though it has taken a backseat in light of his shifting priorities and responsibilities, he is more prone to revisiting his old material on/after enduring some bad day(s), where he felt and acted more like a spider than a man. Potentially hunting for a remedy that may alleviate or worsen his symptoms.

three things your character likes doing in their free time ;

...Assuming he gets any free time 🥺 he'd maybe ;

Read a new research paper, which scratches his itch for gaining new knowledge / Offer his help to any Spiders in need of it / Continues scanning dimensions for other Miguels, having never learnt his lesson 🤫

eight people your character likes / loves ; Have fun figuring out. 😉 But nah, he's still in the grip of grieving for the loss of Gabriella, his foster daughter, but let's say there are plots & verses afoot where this big lug is gradually - over a long span of time - learning to open up and let people back in.

Collectively all ship partners, children, and OC friend connections ;

Pass on this for now! Mostly because I'm not really a shipper, but the connections my Miguel has with other characters is a steadily growing list! Someday I might add a proper page for this, but ty to all <3 Feel free to holler at me if you'd be interested in this too!

two things your character regrets: O-only two? :') Welll--

That he didn't get to see his abusive stepfather grow old and decrepit, having died relatively young.

And for deceiving himself with the notion that replacing a deceased variant of himself could have led to anything other than disaster, no matter how desperate he was for a happier life.

 two phobias your character has ; Hmm been stewing on a couple, not so much phobias as more... irrational? fears? Things he dislikes? Probs needs more cooking, but for now, let's go with;

Water! Showers? Baths? That's grand. Tussling with an anomaly that sees 'em take a tumble into a pool or a larger body of water? Wouldn't be his favourite experience, but he'd bear with it. Remains so-so around water, due to nearly drowning as a kid. Cheers, Kron

He's also... going through it, by which I mean, as he's getting older, he's coming to the realisation that he's inherited a lot more than a surname and some genes from either of the men he had as father figures in his life. The tendency to shout, the explosive outbursts, the zero tolerance for compromise... Yeah... something was rotten in him well before the accident that made him half-spider.

Tagged by: @themckaytriarchy (cheers!) Tagging: As always, you! Steal it! Tell us about your muse too! :)

[tiktokitssinoclock]

Comforting you after a Breakup- The Valorant Guys (p.I)

For the past few months, I've been talking to a close friend over Snapchat about a guy I like and found out last night she showed him everything I said. He handled it very well and rejected me so sweetly, so I'm not even terribly upset on that front. I'm just really sad someone I trusted would betray me like that. This is very self-serving so my apologies, but writing it has made me feel eons better <3

SFW // Minors and ageless blogs, DNI // You will be blocked

Sova

The poor man thought for sure someone you loved had died

He noticed how every time you left your room, you'd look like a zombie

Hair messy, dark circles to the max, eyes still red and puffy from crying, etc.

When he asks around the protocol to try and figure out what happened, most of the guy agents seemed just as clueless as he was

Your closer lady friends, though, like Jett and Raze, just kinda shook their heads and told him to give you some space

He wasn't a fan of that approach, though, because in his opinion, no one should have to grieve alone

Sova decided to go to your room with a box of tissues and planned to talk to you about it, perhaps also remind you that you're allowed to take a short leave for bereavement if necessary

Although it took some major convincing, you finally let him into your room, the messy state of your usually clean space alarming him

Once you were both seated on the foot of your bed, he offered you the box

“I know dealing with loss is never easy, but you don’t have to hole up alone. We’re always here to listen.”

You blinked in surprise before giving him a watery laugh

You were touched by the gesture but explain that no, no one passed away, you just got broken up with

“Oh. Oh, I thought- I’m so sorry.”

“I still think this was very sweet of you, Sasha. Everything just... kinda sucks right now, you know?”

While he was relieved no one was dead, it still bothered him to see you so upset

He decided right then and there that he was going to help you feel better, starting first by cleaning your room

You initially protested as he walked about with your trash can in tow, picking up the trash he found here and there

By the time he started hanging up the laundry you neglected to even fold, though, you accepted you weren’t shaking him that easily and begrudgingly helped him clean

Afterwards, he had you put on your favorite show and hung out with you, letting you lean into his shoulder when you got a little teary-eyed and stroking his hand soothingly over your hair

Quality time was just what you needed to pull yourself together, and he was willing to give it to you as long as you needed

Yoru

You thought you were doing well at hiding how upset you really were, which was quite the feat

Especially since getting dumped over text really fucking blows

But the other agents weren't clueless, especially Yoru

He noticed how your usual spark seemed to dim- you weren't kicking your feet while sitting in your chair, you weren't animatedly talking to everyone about this and that, the usual banter between him and you during missions had all but dried up

Something was off

He really didn't like that

One night before you could run off to your room right after you finished training, he caught up with you in the hallway

He practically demanded that you spill the beans on whatever was going on, and after a few minutes of pressing, you finally did

You showed him the texts and he scrolled through them, his eyes rolling as he skimmed over the exchange

"Being a dick myself, I can truly say that was a dick move."

“It’s really not that big of a deal, I’ll be fine- hey!”

He steered you both into the common area and plopped you down on the couch, where he wouldn't let you leave until you actually got it all out of your system

It didn’t take long for you to finally cave and do just that

You ended up ranting to him for an ungodly amount of time, going back and forth between being really pissed and really upset

Admittedly though, being able to release all those bottled up emotions felt really good

For the next few weeks, he took to inviting you to the gym at late hours to rough up a punching bag or two

Whether or not you felt the need to speak, he was always there to help you wrap your fists before starting and perfect your technique

Although the outlet seemed to help you get back to your usual self, he still couldn’t shake the growing anger he harbored towards your ex

With each powerful punch you sent into the bag he held steady for you, he had to refrain from taking your ex’s number to Killjoy and getting their exact location

Chamber

No one on the protocol could figure out why, but out of nowhere one night, you took to baking until early in the morning

Not in a peaceful manner, either

You would practically slam dough flat with the rolling pin, ignore the cacophony that the pans and pots made when you were searching through them for a pie tin, fume in an unspoken rage that drained the life out of the kitchen

You weren't one to get mad and, not wanting to piss you off any further, the agents largely tried to stay out of it

Not Chamber, though

Especially when your antics were keeping him awake

He walked into the kitchen when you were being especially noisy one night, finding you trying to scrape burnt cookies off a tray while you cursed under your breath

He pinched his nose and sighed

"What are you doing?"

"Not anything right, that's for sure. First I added too much baking powder, and then I burnt the fucking cookies, and... and..."

You fell silent, your movements slowly growing still

"Dammit. That bastard fucking cheated on me."

His eyes widened at the confession as you finally abandoned the pan in the sink, sitting down at the dining table so you could bury your face in your hands

There were a lot of things going through his mind, namely ‘Who?’, ‘Why?’, and ‘Could Cypher wipe my name from a warrant registry?’ but first and foremost, he pulled up a chair beside you

He got the feeling you didn’t really want to talk about it, at least not yet, so he offered the next best thing

"Do you know how to make madeleines?"

"... Madeleines?"

"I'll show you, if you want. Come."

He spent the rest of the night showing you how to bake the small pastries, helping you take it slow and steady

He even managed to earn a few laughs from you after a mishap with the flour left his glasses coated

He was careful not to breathe a word about your situation, proving to be a welcome, calming distraction you needed as you processed everything you were feeling

The anger pumping in your veins was gradually purged out with the help of his gentle company and after about four days, you finally felt like talking it out

He didn’t once judge you or give any smart remarks, he simply listened and offered advice you actually found useful

The creative insults he sent your ex’s way certainly soothed the burn, too

[robinscatgirl]

Murder Girlfriends or something like that...

I don't know how I got here but I've been plagued with the thought of writing a Tim/Jaime fic except they're both girls and bi... (I'm projecting but anywho...)

So this is set in S3 of Young Justice, and around the time I think Bart and Eduardo started dating (idc what you say, I'm positive they have something for each other)

Say during the invasion Jaime and Bart had something going on and Bart absolutely enamored Jaime but when Eduardo showed up Bart fell in love with him as well just a little more than he was with Jaime.

So ofc he breaks it off with Jaime saying "Maybe in another life." and she's devastated because she loved her fluffy-haired boy.

So Jaime starts avoiding team outings that involve most of the team couples as she would just be third-wheeling the entire time and the jealousy she would feel ofc.

Tim on the other hand spends more time in Gotham than with the Team in the Watchtower or the Hub as she's not that close with people there (I mean DC practically took away her team, her shtick, and her friends so that leaves us with her Gothamite and assassin friends)

That is attributed to most of the Team members not being really accepting of her when she became Robin as they thought she was trying to replace Jason (which rude much, didn't he replace Dick too?)

So she had a few friends some she lost when she joined Batman Inc. She still has Steph and Cass though so she's not complaining. She broke up with her girlfriend Cassie and hasn't seen any sign of them getting back together.

Somewhere along the line Jaime starts going to the Watchtower and finds Robin there. They fight a bit because she was one of Tim's close friends before she left to join Batman Inc.

Then slowly she opens up to Tim about her feelings and how things have changed. Tim is an awkward bean but comforts her. Jaime frequently visits the Watchtower after that and Tim opens up to her after a while. She tells her about being JJ, how she feels inadequate, and yadda yadda all that.. One day Tim invites her to Gotham at night and teaches her how to train surf and use her grapple (which is unnecessary but still sweet) Tension rises but the sweet kind and oh...Jaime's falling in love again and Tim has butterflies in her tummy for some weird reason.

Then Batman dies (or so they think) and Tim thinks otherwise but others tell her she's just grieving. (At this point it's mid-season four ig, I'm really straying away from cannon)

Dick is Batman and Tim is still Robin because Damian hasn't been introduced yet and is still with the league...do you see where I'm headed?

Tim dips after she finds the first clue Bruce left when he way yeeted into the time stream and makes plenty of fake aliases and assassin friends on the way.

I want to find a way to incorporate her trying to clone someone close to her but idk who.

The scene where Cassie finds Tim is replaced with Jaime but she's encouraging Tim to look for Bruce and tells her to call when she needs help.

Since she doesn't wanna tarnish the Robin name, she makes a new alias to work with Ra's.

In the cave where the assassin from the Council of Spiders tries to off them, Tim calls Jaime. She's stuck bleeding out on the floor with three half-dead assassins.

Jaime answers the call and gets them to Tim's hotel where they're abducted by League Ninjas and taken to Nanda Parbat. Tim's thrown into the pit after losing too much blood during the splenectomy and Jaime's being held captive.

I'm just world-building rn but would this be a good fic or should I just scrap the idea?

[cloudlessly-light]

I have had this idea for a while, however I was waiting until you opened your request newly!

So, Hotch is still dealing with his ex wife's death, when after a drunken night, has sex with Emily and gets pregnant.

Hi Anon! When I got this ask I immediately knew I wanted to do it but I've been working on it for a while. I do hope you like it though, since this was new for me.

Title: The greatest thing that I have achieved   Chapter one: I thought it’d feel different Summary: After Haley’s death, Aaron isn’t sure how to move on from the grief. Then one night, months later he finds himself falling into bed with Emily, his best friend and that changes everything. Word Count: 2,1k Rating: Explicit Warnings: Smut, consumption of alcohol, pregnancy, grief, fluff, angst, idiots in love

Haley, I don’t really know how to start this, started writing this letter almost ten times. I don’t know what to say except for that I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for your life ending because of choices I made, I’m sorry that Jack will grow up without you. I know I will never measure up to be the parent you were, but I promise you that I will try my hardest.

It’s been two weeks since we buried you and it’s been the hardest two weeks of my life. It was Emily who suggested that I’d write to you, to come here and read you this letter. She’s been a rock through all of this and I’m grateful. I know you always liked her, Jack likes her too.

I will spend forever missing you and I will try and make this up to Jack every day for the rest of my days. He’s so strong, our boy, so similar to you. He’s hurting but somehow he’s surviving, I know that’s something he inherited from you.

 I miss you - Aaron.

When Haley died, Aaron isn’t really sure how to deal with it all, the guilt, the loss, the hurt and sadness, how to deal with Jack and being a single parent while still working the odd hours that he had to. It was like a part of him died with her and for months he felt like he was floating in between asleep and awake. He forced himself to put his all into Jack, tried to focus just enough at work for no one to notice just how much he was struggling. It wasn’t that he was still in love with Haley, he had grieved the loss of her and their marriage before George Foyet. But the guilt of knowing that Haley was dead because of him and the choices he had made, that Jack would grow up without his mother, that Jessica had to go on without her sister, it was all-consuming.

The first few weeks seem unbearable, not that no one thought it would be any different. Most of the team stayed away but sent something every few days, weather if was a text to let him know that he had them to lean on, or actual gifts sent to him and Jack, mostly from Penelope. Dave would show up with food and words of wisdom he wasn’t really interested in, and then there was Emily, walking through his door without permission and sitting on the couch, sometimes with a bottle of wine, sometimes with something stronger. But always a support.

They didn’t always talk, but she refused to leave him alone. He thinks it’s her own guilt for not showing up at his apartment sooner when he was stabbed, for not being there in time to save Haley. He didn’t really mind, it was nice having her around, even when she pushed his buttons. Being around her made him feel something besides at a loss and he welcomed the change with open arms. Somewhere deep down he knew that he let her in because he had felt something more than friendship towards her, but then George Foyet came crashing into their lives and everything, including them, was put on hold.

Then it’s been a few months and the grief is still there, the pain and guilt still seeping through every pore, filling him until it was all he could feel. He didn’t know if it would ever go away completely, if it would ever make sense that he would go on living in a world where Haley didn’t exist. He wished for it, and yet he dreaded it.

Emily is still there, he could feel her eyes on him, and it was a source of comfort knowing that she was there. They had gotten even closer, how could they not after the year they’d had. She didn’t treat him like he was broken, didn’t look at him like he would fall apart even though she’d seen him do exactly that many times by now. He let himself relax with her like he didn’t do with anybody else.

Six months go by and he can almost pretend like most days doesn’t hurt, like the smile that feels fake by now is genuine. It’s another case solved when they get back to Quantico, spirits heightened because for once they managed to get a child back to her family in time, they saved a young girl without too much emotional trauma and no physical injury. It was as good as it was ever going to get and the joy was infectious, even making him laugh as Derek joked around with Spencer and Emily in the elevator going up.

“We should go out, what do you say?” Dave asks just as the doors open and Penelope greets then like she normally does. “Tonight is a night to celebrate.”

“Drinks, are we going for drinks?” Penelope looks excited as she looks at Derek’s wide grin while Emily and JJ both nod, the blondes happiness always putting smiles on their faces.

“Sure, why not.” Aaron agrees, knowing that nothing but the silence of his apartment was waiting for him at home since Jessica had Jack until the morning.

It’s happy murmurs going around the team, it’s the first time since Haley’s death that he had agreed to come out with them, it felt like a good sign for the whole team. He catches Emily’s smile, warm and familiar and he can’t help but to smile back.

Not even an hour later they’re out at a jazz bar, a place Dave frequented often enough for them to all get a booth with a good view of the stage with a live band but far enough for them to be able to talk over the music.

Conversations flow easily, laughs and jokes being told in a way that felt almost distant to him now. It was good, it was fun and Aaron almost feels the way he used to feel. It was a foreign feeling, but a good one.

He had no idea when the glasses turned into bottles, didn’t realize how many drinks he’d actually had until he found himself on the dance floor with JJ, the blonde spinning around while laughing.

“Who knew you had moves Hotch?” She teases and he can’t help but to laugh as she spins around again.

“Hey I danced at cotillion.” He defends himself as JJ comes back to grasp at his shoulder. He can tell that she’s about to say something but she turns at the sound of the familiar voice of her best friend.

“Mind if I cut in?” Emily is suddenly there, tapping JJ on the shoulder and her hand falls from his.

“I’m getting Spencer and we’re having a dance off.” The blonde continues to laughs, not caring that this was not the time or place for any dance off. Emily laughs along with her and nods, her grin wide as she takes JJ’s place.

“Spencer stepped on my toes four times, wish her luck.” She’s still laughing as they start swaying to the music, her hand is warm in his, her other hand holding onto his shoulder while his arm wrap around her waist. His hand spread over the small of her back as he tries to memorize the feel of her against him.

“Is that why you cut in, wanted to save your feet from further damage?” He tries not to notice how he’s holding her closer than he had JJ, how the familiar scent of her perfume clouded his senses.

“Well that, and I can’t miss out on a dance with Aaron Hotchner now can I? Who knows when I’ll have this opportunity again.” Her red lips part as she smiles wide, her hand squeezing his a little tighter and he can feel the corners of his mouth lift in response.

Even through his alcohol fogged brain he can see her glassy eyes, can feel the slight stumble as they move, he’s pretty sure she’s had as much as him to drink and it made him feel a little better about his own state of inebriation.

“Just seizing the moment is that it, Prentiss?” He spins her around and she follows him, only for him to pull her back to him. She stumbles again and falls against his chest and his hand tightens on the small of her back, keeping her even tighter against him.

“That’s right.” She tries to ignore the way her body reacts to his proximity, swallows hard when his large hand spreads over her lower back. She knew that before Foyet, before everything went to hell, that they had been toeing the line of something more, but after Haley all of that had naturally been pushed aside. It wasn’t their time, but when his breath fell against her cheek and she moved closer to him, all of that seemed to disappear.

“What are you thinking about?” He asked with a small smirk and dark eyes and she knew that he had caught her staring at his lips. She looks up at him and even though she knows it’s stupid, the lust and alcohol made all the reasons of why she shouldn’t seem inconsequential. She wanted him, even if it was just for one night.

“I was thinking about what your lips would feel like.” She says instead and for a second everything seems to stop as they stop swaying and he stares down at her.

He can’t deny that the attraction he had felt for her before everything happened was still there, couldn’t deny the way his body was already reacting to her. For just one night, he wanted to let himself forget. He didn’t want to think about tomorrow, didn’t want to do anything except what his body was screaming at him to give in to. He breathes a sigh, pulls her close enough to whisper in her ear.

“You want to find out?”

So that’s how he finds himself in his apartment with Emily naked and moaning as she chases his lips with her own. He was pinning her down, kept her underneath him as he fucked into her with heavy thrusts of his hips.

“Don’t stop.” She whimpered through hazy eyes and breathless pants. He has her arms pinned above her head and her arms twitch in his hold, feeling her own need to touch him.

He wouldn��t have dreamt of stopping, not when she was trembling the way she was, her body slowly giving in to him.

“Let go.” He groaned against her neck before licking over sweaty skin, her pulse beating wildly against his tongue.

Emily came with a broken moan, raw and loud and he didn’t think he’d ever heard anything more beautiful. He kisses her once she’s come down, lets go of her wrists and lets her turn them around until she’s straddling his hips.

She smiles at him as she starts to roll her hips against his, his eyes moving over her curves and pale skin before landing on her face.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” He lets out before she kisses him. She moves above him until she’s coming again, his name a plea on her lips. He comes only moments after she does, her shaking body and breathless moaning enough to push him over the edge. When she collapses besides him she’s panting and laughing and he finds himself laughing as well. In between the blur of pleasure and alcohol and them, everything seemed a little easier.

He wakes up the next morning with one of the worst hangover’s he’s ever had in his entire life, the previous night coming back in bits and pieces. He turns to look at Emily, that part of the night more hazy than anything, but he could still taste her on his tongue, could still smell her on his sheets. But she isn’t there, the space beside him empty, only a note on the pillow left behind.

Hotch, I didn’t want to wake you but I know that Jessica is dropping off Jack today and I thought that it was best that I’d leave before he came. I’ll see you at the office on Monday.

Em

He’s not really sure what to feel, doesn’t know if he’s relieved or not about her leaving before they had a chance to talk. They had made a stupid decision based of alcohol and lust, and now they’d have to deal with the consequences.

“Fuck.”

[meatbricks]

this one is related to something blu (i think) asked a few weeks ago that i forgot about until just now (and also because i get anxious about messaging or sending asks to people lol).

we know what will happen if the reader dies, but what about if bruteforce or the painter died? would the other dude act / grieve kinda the same or would it be worse? i NEED some fucking angst to think about man.

OUGH.. THIS REQUEST... i've actually thought about it a lot before but man... :') (also thank you so much for requesting!! ^^ i know this probably doesn't help any but you shouldn't be anxious about sending me stuff; i love to hear from my followers & people who read my blog in general, and it makes me really happy to know that someone likes my stuff so much to send in several requests/messages/literally anything LMAO)

ANYWAYS. onto the Large Sad™

warning(s): major character death, grief, self-harm via self-neglect, suicide, mentioned canon-typical violence, suggested necrophilia, codependency, unhealthy relationships, uhhhh. unironically the most depressing thing i've ever written for this fandom

hcs are under the cut!!

if either of the guys died, the other's grieving process would be. so much fucking worse

to put this into perspective (and idk if i mentioned this anywhere else, but still), these two have essentially been in each other's orbit (so to speak) since they were really young.. like. since painter was 7 and since bruteforce had literally just been born. sure they might not have ever interacted before that night at the bar but painter had been stalking bruteforce since he began existing on this mortal plane

...so naturally we'll start with how he'd react to bruteforce dying!!

upon initially finding out that his object of obsession since 7 years old and literal only friend ever is dead, i think he'd just. break

it would take a minute, especially if he wasn't in the room when it happened, but once the realization hits him he just loses his shit

all the work he put into the relationship they had, everything they'd been through up until that point, the things he'd planned for him (and both of them, really) in the future... just. gone. gone in an instant.

i don't think he'd really be able to speak coherently at all for a while, so many thoughts are racing through his mind.. why did this happen? how did this happen? could he have stopped this? he's mad. he should be mad, and someone needs to pay. god himself needs to pay. but he can't fight god. he's going to fight god, even if it's impossible. but he doesn't know how, and he'll never know how. there has to be something he can do about this. this can't have happened. this didn't happen. but it did. what is he going to do now? who's going to take care of him now? who's going to help him?

those last thoughts hit him like a bus. he realizes that without bruteforce he's essentially homeless again, with no accomplice to help him; right back to square one.

needless to say, it'll take him months, maybe even years to get back to his status-quo.. maybe he'd just stop doing what he's been doing altogether and just never leave the house

what he'd be doing? watching the tape from PIGS over and over again, just lying in bed, staring listlessly at the screen.

as a little bonus, though, if painter was in the room with bruteforce when he died, after trying and failing to get him to wake up he'd just.. sorta.. lay next to him for a while, as close as possible, even if just to pretend that everything is fine

and if painter died? well, plain and simple, bruteforce would just.. kill himself

his initial reaction would just be.. blank. with or without painter in the room, he would just.. stare. the only difference between scenarios is him carrying painter's corpse if he's there with him, or really just kind of. lifting him off the ground and holding him

he'd give him a proper burial, even though he'd like to keep him around for a little longer; it just wouldn't feel right to keep him there any longer

he'd bury painter with all his art supplies, and might debate on putting his paintings in the grave too before ultimately deciding to keep them around because it's what painter would have wanted

his general behavior after that still involves getting out of the house as much as possible, but eventually after coming home to an empty house enough times he'll decide he's had enough

he isn't ever going to be the same after this, he can't go back to just living normally after what he's done and he can't go back to killing people either because every time he'd see someone die the only thing he'd be able to think about is painter and how much he would've loved this if he were there. and he isn't.

he hasn't been sleeping, he hasn't been doing much of anything at all, he doesn't really want to go outside but he doesn't have much of a choice because he just can't stand being in this fucking house anymore but he can't leave, that would be too difficult, and whenever he does go out people notice that something's wrong and ask what it is but he can't tell them because that'd give him away as a serial killer

the only way he can see to leave is to die, and so he does.. he takes the gun he stole from the fords' place, goes out to where he buried painter, and shoots himself there; either lying on the grave or right next to it

no matter which one of them dies, the other one inevitably dies shortly after, whether it's passively or actively; and no one would find either of them on account of their house not even really legally existing

[jankwritten]

For spotlight: what does Hades do/what’s the relationship w Nico?? Oh also what’s Persephone up to? Does she get along w Nico?

Okay so it's never really FULLY explained in canon - and maybe I will explain it at some point later in the story, who knows - but Hades is a super rich politician/business man. Not really politician, but he's very Influential and works really closely with a lot of politicians and so people kind of lump him in as one of them.

He's also super mysterious and...quirky. Like, he's just. A weird guy. He's super goth and believes weird things (he believes in Santa and the Tooth Fairy and shit like that) and he's pretty emotionally distant a lot of the time. Think of him as like, the walking poster for undiagnosed Dad Autism, y'know? Does that vibe make sense? Like he's very "I love my kids but hugging and touching makes me feel horrific. I love my job because I get to work with numbers and sort data and make solutions that are obvious to me but apparently nobody else understands and therefore I Have To Teach Them" but he's also super stressed all the time and has had drinking problems in the past.

Nico and Hades don't have the best relationship. Nico loves his dad, of course, but he also feels rightfully distant from him. When they lost Maria and then Bianca, Nico kind of felt like he lost his dad, too, because Hades withdrew entirely into his work and, since they lived in such a big house, they didn't see each other a whole lot. Plus, when Nico was first getting really into Hockey, he basically had to sneak around his dad to play, because Hades was strict about Nico not doing anything that would get himself hurt. He'd done a lot of research into hockey in an attempt to get closer to Nico, be interested in his interest, and instead found himself loathing the idea of his son being in such a hostile environment.

Hades and Nico have a very complicated relationship that's just kind of always been how Nico is with his father, so he doesn't know anything other than that. It doesn't bother him all that much day to day, though when he goes and visits it definitely weighs on him a little bit, especially after he's gotten a taste of like, what it means to have somebody really there for him and looking out for him, like Jack Seas and Snowy do on the team.

It's also an issue of independence, TBH. Hades never really wanted Nico to be independent, Hades wanted Nico to stay home, go to a really good school, get a business degree and start working his way up either in Hades's business, or starting his own business and thriving that way. Hades wanted to keep Nico close because he knew Nico's mental health struggles and feared that if he let Nico get too far out of his web of control, Nico would spin out and end up dead.

TLDR; Nico and Hades have a super intricate relationship that's spun out of their grief over losing Maria and Bianca, and the intricacies of their own mental health struggles and how they handle that.

PERSEPHONE is thriving living her best life etc. etc.

No but actually she's Hades's business partner, a lifelong friend who was there for the deaths in his family and became a big part of helping them through the grieving process. She and Hades started dating not too long after Maria died - I've said it before somewhere and I can't exactly remember where, but I think I mentioned something like the three of them had been in a polycule? IDK, but I like the idea either way.

ANYWAY Persephone runs the arts and PR side of Hades's business because he loathes that kind of thing, and she also helps him with numbers and some of the bigger projects when it gets to be too much for him to handle on his own. She moved in after Bianca died, and planted a big garden in the back yard that has memorials to both Maria and Bianca, as well as various family-and-associated pets who have passed throughout the years.

Persephone and Nico get along pretty well. He's a little awkward around her only because he sometimes still doesn't know if he's meant to treat her like a mom or what, because some days he does see her as more of a mother figure and some days he feels really disconnected from her. She cares about Nico in her own way - she was a little tough-love on him growing up, especially after he started hockey. No bullshit excuses would get past her, basically, and if Nico had a problem and came to her crying with it, she would let him cry it out and then make them have a logical, rational discussion about it. (This was pretty rare, though, because Nico used to do that with Maria and he feels like he's betraying her a little bit by going to Persephone. It's fucked up, but y'know.)

Persephone is super supportive of Nico playing hockey, though, as opposed to Hades. She thinks it's great, and cool as hell that Nico found something that he's really good at, kicked the shit out of stereotypes and all that.

Persephone and Hazel also get along really well, not that you asked about that :P But Hazel and Persephone have met a couple of times, and Persephone does know that Hazel is Hades's kid - she was there when the original "scandal" came out, after all. Hazel doesn't see Persephone as her half-step-mother, but more like an Aunt, or a really good family friend. Hazel likes to teach Persephone how to make spell jars and tea blends out of the herb and flower garden.

All in all, the family isn't very close-knit and they have a lot of internal structural problems between themselves, but Nico still loves and cares for them because they are his family no matter what. They're what he has left and he's not letting that go.