#though like i said i understand if you guys want to tomato me because i kind of want to tomato myself rn NGL 🍅

[brutalmasks]

okay... let me just start this up by saying that i know i said i was going to be active here over the weekend, and i wasn't. which i feel so bad about NGL,, it's just that i tried replying to thing's on here over the weekend and i'm not sure what it was, but it feels like my muse is just completely gone for her rn?¿ i'm going to try to recover it, though, so i can actually come through on my promise of getting to old + new messages on here!! but i just wanted to say i really am sorry about that in the meantime. i'm going to get to more of those pre-established memes you all sent me for sure soon and i'll keep you guys updated as to what my muse situation is looking like, BUT i'm hoping that i'll be able to conjure some up and get out some replies during these next upcoming days. i can't say for certain though because muse can be such a finicky thing and that is so annoying in a way JSJSJ but yeahhh,, i hope y'all are having a great day so far and that you aren't too mad at me (,,:

[kawataslvr]

im craving some soft Mikey x male reader where reader is Draken’s distant relative coming to visit and really wanted to meet the supposed “Invincible Mikey” and when they do meet, they both like fall for each other immediately but dont say anything and Draken’s just so dumb and needs Emma to spell it out to him and hes just like “ohhh…wait what” and then freaks out not knowing what to do to help or something and Emma just ends up calling Hina and Takemichi to help plan some little date thing for Mikey n reader and Takemichi just ends up like patting Draken’s back saying “its ok to not understand how to be a 3rd wheel” lmfao

anywho, Mikey n reader end up together and have regular doriyaki dates or something <3

Summary : Fluff ,, He/Him ,, no actual warnings ,, Draken is distant cousins with reader,, a lil ooc ig?

SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG IVE JUST BEEN BUSY 😭🙏

A/N : SHDHFJ, please i love soft mikey and you gave me the perfect excuse to write him again.

Draken and you hung out every once in a while, even with that, you still hadn’t met Mikey in any one of those instances.

Much to your luck, Draken always told you.. but you were still super curious to meet the so called “invincible Mikey” never really getting to see him even if you lived around those parts.

After convincing him to let you meet him, you finally met the so called “Invincible Mikey” much to your surprise he was much more friendly.

Handsome.

Amazing..

Wonderful..

Why was your heart beating so fast now that he wad next to you? You hoped neither Mikey Draken noticed how flustered you were.

Even if Mikey was just as flustered, the conversation went normally. You and Mikey clicked immediately, it was plain to see right away.

Even if you two lived differently.

Draken somehow hadn’t caught on to you twos obvious liking for each other, even if you two were red as tomatoes very time you two accidentally touched.

Of course, when Emma saw you two.. she immediately saw it.

The marria— The way you two looked so cute together. And how both of you were hopelessly inlove.

Emma quickly asked Draken who the guy was , aka you. He told her and she freaked out, starting talking about how you two were perfect together while you and Mikey talked in the distance in the living room.

“Emma the hell do you mean?”

“You don’t see it!? The way Mikey is looking at that dude!?” Draken still didn’t catch whatever Emma was talking about, until they heard Mikey say something.

“You want some Y/N?” Did mikey just offer you his food? Not any, but his Doriyaki? Draken and Emma went silent.

The tall giraffe Draken finally catching on.

“You see what I mean!” Draken nodded and Emma quickly got to scheeming a date for you two.

Calling Takemichi and Hina over to arrange something for the two of you.

Draken and Takemichi went to go talk to you, Emma and Hina dragging Mikey away while he reluctantly screeched. Not that he couldn’t pull away, but Emma was scary.

You and Takemichi also got along well, but there was an obvious difference between how you and Mikey talked and you and Michi talked. Draken could now tell.

After Emma explained it to him and the hole sharing food situation.

“Mikey, do you like that guy!?”

“eh!?” Mikey was filled with confusion, not because he didnt. But did he make it that obvious? Did Y/N notice?

“It’s obvious! you like him right!?”

“I- Yeah I guess!?”

Mikey didnt really know how to react.

one second he was on the couch with you, and the next Hina and Emma were planning a date for him.

It took a bit of courage to ask you out on said date though.

alot.

alot of courage.

“Y/N, would you like to.. go out on a date with me?”

your heart didnt have to be pounding so fast. It really didn’t nevertheless you accepted his invite and got ready.

Freaking out internally about it.

After a bit of help from Hina (emma helped mikey.. the two planned this out step by step)

you got ready for the date and so did Mikey.

Draken and Takemichi felt like third wheels, Takemichi was used to this while he patted Draken on the back and said “Its okay, you’re gonna get used to this..”

You and Mikey were so nervous during the date, even if you two were talking normally yesterday.

You both assumed this silly little first sight crush would pass eventually.

Not end up like this.

Why were you so nervous? It was going great, if anything the sate was amazing.

You two ended up being closer, maybe Draken letting you meet Mikey wasn’t a bad idea.

At all.

[myfeetrcolddd]

A date? (PART TWO!!)

Theo kept to his word. After leaving the cafe he took her hand in his once more, intertwining their fingers together. He walked so close to her that their shoulders kept brushing.

"D'you want to go to the bookstore?" Y/N asked innocently, batting her pretty little eyelashes at him in a way she knew always worked on him.

He pursed his lips and acted as though he was annoyed by the prospect of going there, even though he had planned to go there. After all that was the one store she had gone to consistently every time she was at Hogsmeade. "I suppose so." He rolled his eyes with a grin and she shoved him lightly.

Theo tossed their empty cups into a trash can before he held the door open for her and let her in.

Theo watched her face as it morphed into this giddy childlike expression and found himself smiling at it. A thought came to mind, a muggle phrase he had heard once, 'Happy wife, happy life' and he knew they weren't married (yet), but he couldn't help but feel as though that phrase was nothing but the truth.

He followed her around the store, listening intently as she rambled on about each book and the plotlines. He held the books she handed to him and kept track of those she lingered on but didn't pick up.

Theo was not known for his patience, or his ability to stay quite for such a long time without putting in his two cents. This was not the case with Y/N, because when he was with her he found his loud and over busy mind was calm and quite. He liked that nearly as much as he liked the girl herself.

"Are you sure this isn't too much?" She asked, as she stared at the stack of books she hadn't realized had gotten so high. Truth was that she always felt bad about spending Theos money, she never wanted him to think she was only friends with him for his money.

"If you asked I'd buy you the whole store." He said casually as he paid for the books.

She was glad he had his back to her, because if he didn't then he'd see how flustered that 'casual' comment made her. Though she imagined it wouldn't matter, nearly everything Theo said to her made her blush to some extent.

Before she could grab the bag of books herself Theodore did, he then grabbed her hand and without thinking kissed the back of it. Y/N felt as though she looked as red as a tomato right then.

He mumbled something in another language, Italian. Though she could barely hear it and even if she could hear it it's not as if she would have been able to understand.

She'd have to ask him about it later.

Soon the two found themselves walking into The Three Broomsticks. "I'll go get us a seat, you order." Y/N says, leaving no room for argument before she took the heavy bag of books out of Theos hands and going to find a booth.

Thankfully there was a empty booth towards the back, away from any prying eyes. Not that she wanted to keep this day a secret, but she had her what ifs about this day she was nearly certain was a date. What ifs that included Theo denying the day ever happened.

As she waited for the Slytherin boy to return Y/N found herself getting nervous. Pulling her out of her thoughts someone cleared their throat above her.

She turned and found one of the boys she had 'hung out' with in fifth year. It was awkward when I realized it was a date, but we kept talking and I thought I might've been able to like him. But then he ghosted me.

"Oh- Ben! Hi." She said glancing behind him to see Theodore still waiting for their drinks.

"Hey." He smirked, "Long time no see."

"Uh- yeah." She glanced back over at Theo who still had yet to notice what was happening, "What are you doing here?"

"I just saw you over and thought I'd come to say hi." He shrugged and she grew a little irritated, because this guy hadn't come to say 'hi' to her in the past two years.

"Oh well. You've said it." She said, not so subtly.

"Yes I have." He looked her up and down and it was then that she was thankful for having learned social ques, had she been in this interaction a few years ago she would think he really was telling the truth. "Listen, I think we should hang out sometime-"

"Sorry, her schedules full." Theo says from behind Ben and we both turn to him.

"Well I'm sure she can make some room-"

"Nope." Theo says, shoving past the short boy and sliding into the seat next to Y/N. He places their drinks down on the table before wrapping an arm around her, "Is that all? Or is there more we can help you with?"

"Look-"

"I really think you should leave Benjamín." Theo glares, not bothering to hide his aggravated mood.

Ben scoffs before stomping away.

Even with Ben gone Theo kept his arm around her, if she didn't know any better she'd say he actually held her tighter. Despite the mood Ben seemed to put Theo in Y/N couldn't help but be amused and let out a giggle.

His head snapped to hers, their faces closer than they've ever been, "Do you find this amusing?" He raised an unamused brow at her.

"No." She grinned, then leant forward picking up her butterbeer and taking a sip.

"Mhm." He hummed unconvinced and she kept grinning and Theo dropped the moody act, smiling and shaking his head at the pretty girl and drank his own butterbeer.

They slipped into a comfortably silence and Y/N figured now would be a good time to ask him. "So..." She started, keeping her eyes on the foam floating around her drink.

"So." Theo copied, his eyes on the side of her head.

"Are we on a date right now?" She ripped the band-aid off, turning to him and he froze. His eyes widening and his cheeks flushing slightly.

He then grinned, a wide ear to ear grin, flashing me with the deepest dimples I have ever seen. "I was wondering when you'd piece it together."

"I-what?" She spluttered and looked at him confused. She wasn't sure what she had expected his answer to be but it surely wasn't this.

"You heard me." He whispered, leaning in closer. His eyes darted from her lips to her eyes.

Y/N cleared her throat loudly and turned to face her drink once more, Theo laughed and brushed a stay piece of hair behind her ear. "I like you, Y/N." He said in a low voice that made her feel all kinds of things. "Actually, I like you a lot."

She swallowed her dry spit at his words as her face heated so much she might as well be the fucking sun. "I've liked you for a while now, a few years give or take. Personally, I thought I was kind of obvious with it." He spoke into her ear and she huffed.

Turning her head towards him once more their faces were so close their noses rubbed each other. Theo opened his mouth to say something else but she cut him off. "Theo, are you going to kiss me or not?"

He grinned before he grabbed her face and their lips met in a passionate kiss.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for making a pizza?

I know this is going to sound ridiculous and at this point I don’t care if anyone believes me. I just need to get my head on straight here because I’m starting to feel like a crazy person.

So I (19F) am staying with my parents and my younger sibling (14NB) for the summer. I’ve always liked to cook but I’ve been getting even more into it lately. I decided I wanted to try making a margherita pizza and I went out and got the ingredients myself.

Here’s the problem. My sibling is completely obsessed with that gay Neil Gaimen show Good Omens. Like, they’re so obsessed I think they should get tested for autism or adhd (this isn’t the only reason) but my mom won’t take them. Season two just came out and the ending was a sad cliffhanger or something akin to that. If you don’t know it’s about an angel guy and a demon guy and one of them has red hair.

Well ever since my sibling saw it they start freaking out and crying whenever they see the color red or anything else that reminds them of it. At first I thought they were just being dramatic on purpose but I don’t even know anymore. I had to stop wearing any red clothes in front of them because my mom kept yelling at me to not set them off.

You probably see where this is going. My sibling came into the kitchen when I was taking out the pizza. They asked what I was making and when they saw the tomato sauce they immediately starting freaking out. They kept asking why I would do this to them and I said I didn’t even know they were home (I really didn’t) and we couldn’t all live avoiding a whole color for the rest of our lives. I told them to stop being so dramatic and it’s only a show.

They told me it wasn’t just a show, that I would never understand and asked me if I was homophobic (???) before my mom showed up and scolded me for setting off my sibling. I told her she was being an idiot (I know I’m the asshole for this but I was really fed up) and she told me to go to my room. I could hear my sibling freaking out in the kitchen for a while after and I do feel kind of bad because they sounded really upset.

Later my mom brought me the pizza in my room and she told me not to do that again. I told her I was sorry for calling her an idiot and for upsetting my sibling but I still think the whole thing is crazy. Now my sibling is avoiding me and watching the show really loud on the living room tv like it’s meant to spite me or something?? They called me in just to watch a scene where the guys were kissing and my sibling had a really smug look on their face. Jokes on them though I’m not homophobic. I literally have a girlfriend but whatever.

AITA?

(Please don’t talk bad about my sibling in the comments. They’re actually pretty normal outside of this and a couple other minor things and they’re really young )

What are these acronyms?

[arashrita]

Hello I really love your writing and your blog. I believe we are mutuals lol. I noticed your requests are open. This is my first time requesting lol. Can you please write about the house wardens getting jealous? Thank you 🙏

A/N: Hey! Hope you are doing well! Yep, we are mutuals and I love spamming your posts haha. Thank you for requesting. Enjoy and have a good day/afternoon/night! 💜💜

HC: He is Jealous

The Fire of Envy

Why are you so fond of some other person, when he is right here? (Y/N), look at him, come on! He feels something in his heart, the fire on envy.

Or, the headcanon where the housewrdens are jealous, because their beloved prefect isn't giving them enough attention.

Housewardens

Riddle: He is scandalized by his own feelings. How can he think in such a way?! Is he a child? Still, the poor guy can't help but feel envious. You are giving attention to everyone but him. How cruel of you! You are always with Ace and Deuce, you help out Trey and even Cater snatches you away at times. But, what about him? 

When he gets a chance to talk to you, he just kinda drags you away from everyone and of course nobody has enough guts to stop him.

"Riddle?"

"(Y/N), can't you spend some time with me? Just me and you, alone."

His face was almost matching his hair colour. You couldn't help but giggle. Riddle looked extremely cute. That day you learned that the cause of Riddle's jealousy is you!

Leona: This smug lion is extremely jealous. Why is his adorable herbivore isn't giving him attention? You are friends with Jack. Heck, even Ruggie gets more attention from you than him! That's just so unfair! 

Next day, he corners you when you were going to your first class. Fine, herbivore if you won't give him attention then he will have it this way. You squeaked in surprise and his smirk widened. 

"Leona, what are you—?!

He didn't let you finish and slammed his lips on yours. Oh well, you have no choice but to give in, huh?

Azul: He is aloof just like any other time. Dosen't show he is jealous even though the twins are always around you for some reason. However, his calm facade is deceiving, so don't be surprised when he slams a contract on your desk outta nowhere. 

"Angelfish, I have something for you."

Obviously, the contract is weird. You can never understand how the heck his brain works.

"Really? Azul? I thought we were past this?"

"But, I'm guessing you are still doing it?"

"You bet."

"If you fail, then, you have to go on a date with me. Just like the contract says."

What a weird way of asking someone out.

"Oh, so, fail a bet, go on a date~" Floyd laughs as Azul's face goes redder than a tomato.

Kalim: Straight up admits that he wants your attention, because, he is jealous. He is ready to do anything as long as you spend time with him. He will keep whining to Jamil if you think he is not serious. Well, cause, let's face it, he clings to you whenever he can. Then, how the hell you didn't give him attention? Well, logic won't work with him when it comes to you so just give in and let this sunshine spoil you. He loves you and he is not ashamed to show it. 

By the way, can you even say no to Kalim? I'm pretty sure you can't, my dear.

Vil: Let's face it, Vil is a little shit when he is jealous. He hates how Rook and Epel are always sticking to you. For the sake of the great sevens! Isn't he the one who is supposed to do that? 

Vil was ready to drag you away.

"Slow down, roi de poison, mon trickster is supposed to hang out with us today!"

"Nope, not happening today."

Vil didn't listen to Rook's protest and dragged you away from the spot.

"Vil, what was that for?"

"You don't give me attention."

"Huh?"

"Do I really have to repeat myself?"

"Oh, is the Vil Schoenheit jealous?~"

"Shut up, (Y/N)."

His blushing face said otherwise, by the way.

Idia: This guy will never admit that he is jealous. He dosen't have the guts to ask you to spend more time with him. So, he does what he does the best aka  staying holed up in his room with games and animes. He desperately wants you beside him, but, he just won't say it. In the end he just ends up rambling to Ortho about how a cool person like you can never like him. 

"(Y/N)?"

"Yes, Ortho?'

"Can you please give my brother more attention, He is jealous and he won't admit it."

Ortho says, when you visit Idia next time. 

Idia's face and hair both started flaming and for a moment you thought he is going to have a heart attack. Good luck with him, sweetheart.

Malleus: Your dear dragon is so jealous and a jealous dragon is a petty dragon. Another one who won't outright admit that he is jealous. But man is so obvious.  Sebek is kinda afraid to go near his young master when he is being like this. Silver sleeps it off like he always does and Lilia mutters something about 'young love' and 'stupid new generation.' People barely approach you nowadays and all that ruckus is because you dragon prince can't keep his jealousy in check. 

"Malleus Draconia!"

He leans in really close. "Yes, my dear child of man?"

"Malleus, sweetie, you are invading my personal bubble."

He pouts and mumbles something under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Child of man, am I that boring that you don't give me your attention anymore?"

"Awww, are you jealous?"

"What if I am?"

What can you say after that? You had to shower him with hugs and kisses. Hopefully, people can finally approach you again.

@twistedrus

[lushlovers]

C*ntmuffin, J Burrow

summary; you're just having a bit of harmless fun, but joe doesn't seem to enjoy it as much as you are.

warnings; fwb type beat, swearing, joe's actually a dick and a hypocrite, mentions of smut(?), alcohol consumption, lsu!fratboy!joe (yes that needs a warning), cameos from jj and ja'marr:D, literally all the things you'd see at a college party, use of the c-word like twice lolll.

word count; 811

note; ummmm i love lsu joe and i need a frat au because there's so little its criminal. my friend called me a cuntmuffin earlier and i wanted to write about frat joe so.

If looks could kill, you'd be six feet under right about know. You can feel Joe's eyes burning holes into the material of your best little black dress, he watched as your hips pushed back onto the crotch of some guy you had no clue or desire to even learn what his name was. His hands feeling you up was just enough.

"D'ya wanna come get a drink?" He's slurring into your ear shamelessly, his accent was thicker than it was a couple drinks ago. You nod, grabbing his hand and pulling him behind you in the direction of the kitchen. Glancing in the direction of Joe, his brows raise, looking at you in a way you didn't quite understand or maybe you didn't care to acknowledge.

He scoffs catching the attention of Elaine, who was running her mouth about whatever she could think of, "You okay, Joey?" Her voice is obnoxiously high pitched, almost like nails on a chalkboard, even worse because she didn't understand the concept of shutting the fuck up. "'M fine, thanks. Gonna go get another drink," he murmurs, pushing himself off the wall and quickly walking away before the girl could think to muster a response.

He brought this upon himself when he walked through the door with an overly chatty, but quite pretty brunette cheerleader on his arm. Karma's a bitch and you were gladly playing him back in this game. All night you kept you options open, bouncing between different guys, some of them even being some of his fraternity brothers.

Speaking of, one of his good friends was leaning against the counter chatting up a pretty girl, "Yo, JJ," you heard his voice before he pushed passed you to clap his friend on the shoulder. Justin smiled wide, introducing the girl at his side as Aiyanna, "It's nice to finally meet you, we hear a lot about you," Joe smirks obviously trying to embarrass his friend. It's true though, Justin never shuts up about this girl.

You decided to not join in the conversation simply listening in as you poured yourself a generous amount of vodka and following it with some juice. The guy who's name you still have yet to remember watched you closely, like he was in a trance of some sort. "You're staring," you mumble, tilting your head to the side a small smile playing on your lips. Guys are so easy sometimes.

"Sorry," he stutters, "You're just really pretty." His face flushes, resembling a tomato, as you closely watch his reactions. You hadn't realized how close Joe was to you both until he leans in to whisper in the boys ear loud enough for you to hear, "Should see her on her knees, Blake. Fuckin' incredible."

Blake's eyes grow ten times the size, "Fuck off, Joe," you grit pushing at his chest until he's out of the kitchen and into the crowded hallways. "'M really sorry about him, he's a dick." Not really sorry, the jealousy he was radiating was the hottest thing ever. Now your face is warming at his words, you groan as you cup your face in your hands, no way he just said that to this poor dude.

As Joe walked back over to his "date," he had this shit eating grin on his face, Ja'marr was well aware he was up to something, "The hell'd you do, JB?" He barks out a laugh, shaking his head. "That smirk, you did something." He knows he did, but he's not going to tell him just yet.

The cheerleader looked between both of them confused as ever, "Did-" Joe cuts her off with his index finger on her lips, shushing her. Ja'marr's laughing now, all this time it took for him to do that. Her brows furrow and she storms off to god know's where.

Before Ja'marr can ask again, you are standing in front of them with the biggest crease in your brows and hands on your hips, "See her on her knees? Really, asshole?" His friend gapes, feeling just how angry you were, "It was nothing, babe. Calm down," he reached out for you but you slap his hand away from you.

"Don't 'babe' me, you cuntmuffin." He keels over at your insults, his eyes clouding over with tears as he cackles. "Nothing about this is funny," your arms are crossed over your chest now, huffing you punch him in the shoulder, making him grunt and stand up straight.

"It's just, that's a first, I've never been called a cuntmuffin before, baby."

[weaver-z]

Ranking famous slashers (based on how likely they are to be cool with trans people)

(Disclaimer: this is a very silly ironic post for pride month).

Chucky (Child's Play)

In what can only be described as an "absolute hum-dinger" of an opening entry, we have Chucky, the only slasher who has (and explicitly supports) a transgender child. Sure. You know what? Good for him.

2. Ash Williams (The Evil Dead franchise)

"Uhh this guy isn't a slasher!" He has a chainsaw for a hand. He's killed 65+ deadites over the course of four movies and a goofy tv show with said grisly chainsaw hand. I will die on the hill that Ash is a good-aligned slasher. Anyway, Ash would also be happy to learn that trans women being more widely-accepted means there are More Women. He wouldn't even have to have being trans explained to him, he'd get it. He's dealt with so much weird shit, someone wanting to transition is nothing. Hail to the king, baby.

3. Herbert West (Re-Animator)

Herbert West looks so much like one of my trans guy friends in real life that I'm just going to decide that he's trans. My guy was synthesizing HRT in his wacky little lab long before he was filling vials with glowing green goo to raise the dead. He's still ranked lower than Ash, though, because he's kind of cringe in general. Sorry, Herbie baby

4. Bubba Sawyer (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre)

Bubba definitely doesn't care about anyone's gender. He's killing them with chainsaws. That being said, the exceptions to this would occur within his own family. If one of Bubba's brothers came out as trans and you decided to be transphobic, Bubba would definitely cut you into even grislier, gorier little pieces than usual, because he's a bro like that.

5. Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th)

Jason is a conceptually hilarious character at this point, and between all of the deaths and resurrections and visits to Hell and more deaths and resurrections, he's probably had time enough to come to terms with trans people. He just wants to kill everyone at Crystal Lake, for god's sakes. Let him be. (Also, he fought a transphobe--I will explain this remark later in this post.)

6. Daniel Robitaille (Candyman)

Daniel's been dead for quite a while, so that might be a minor roadblock to his understanding of trans people. That being said, he seemed to navigate the modern world pretty deftly in the original Candyman. You might have to explain transitioning to him a bit, but he'd get the concept pretty quickly. He might still kill you with his hook, though. Sorry.

7. Carrie White (Carrie)

Carrie is in a complicated place, because yes, she was raised in a very sheltered, evangelical environment, but we must consider that she is a girlboss and a girlbeast. My verdict? After an initial period of "not getting it," Carrie would throw herself whole hog into being a trans ally. If you are trans, Carrie will be there to light transphobic people on fire. This is not an offer, it is a statement of intent. Be ready for her arrival.

8. Michael Myers (Halloween)

I think that Michael forgot what gender is a while back.

9. Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs + other movies)

Uuugh... see, I think that Hannibal would absolutely use the right pronouns and name for a trans person, but he'd definitely ask those really annoying "tell me, Will" style questions about your gender over a plate of definitely-not-human liver and fava beans. "Do you feel as though you are step in step with God Himself when you take your estrogen pills, as though your are joining in the act of divine creation?" No, Hannibal, she is just transitioning. Please chill.

11. Billy Lenz (Black Christmas)

Diversity win and loss: Billy Lenz is the world's first trans-inclusive radical misogynist! :/

12. Billy Loomis and Stu Macher (Scream)

Ghostface fans, I am so sorry, but these are two misogynistic teenage boys from the 90's. I do not have high hopes for them.

13. Freddy Krueger (Nightmare on Elm Street)

This guy is the transphobe Jason fought. Booooo. Tomatoes. I'm throwing tomatoes!

[dyns33]

Flufftober 25 - Deadpool

Wade Wilson x reader 

           "This must be your favorite day."

           "Because you're a freak."

           "I think he understood. Unless he's stupid."

           "Haha. You guys are sooooo funny. Halloween, my favourite day, because I wear a mask all the time, and under the mask I look like a moldy avocado. Nobody never said that to me. I think someone did, to Batman, so I'll take that as a compliment."

           "You're not as handsome as Batman. With and without the mask."

           "Thank you, Yellow, you're adorable."

           "More than you, for sure."

Wade didn't know why he kept chatting with the boxes. They were never nice to him and they didn't deserve his attention.

Maybe it was because no one else wanted to talk to him. Despite his best efforts, people still ended up finding him weird, crazy, and dangerous. This was incomprehensible to Wade, who thought he was the best friend in the world.

Loyal, funny, ready to kill if asked, for money or a hug.

According to Spidey, Red, and Moon-Moon, the only heroes who agreed to spend some time with him, he didn't do it well. He was too intense and he had to stop threatening people, whether it was to protect the people he loved, or to ask the people he loved to love him back.

And all of that was when he had his mask on.

No normal person ever gave him a chance seeing his face, running off before they tried to get to know him.

It was a bit hurtful, but Wade could understand. He had already vomited and passed out after seeing himself in a mirror. At the same time.

So even if they said that to be mean, the boxes weren't wrong. His scorched pizza face could only come out on Halloween, because people thought it was a disguise then, and everyone praised him, saying he was really awful, which was so cool. Just for that day.

The other days it was just awful.

           "We could enter a contest. We would win a prize."

           "At the end, they will understand that it is not a costume and they will throw tomatoes at you while laughing, like Quasimodo."

           "Even Quasimodo is more handsome."

           "He's not with the girl at the end."

           "And Wade is single, I don't see where the problem is."

           "I want tacos !" declared Wade, who was tired of listening to them, even though he knew they were going to follow him wherever he went. They were silent only when he shot himself in the head, and never for very long.

It was nice to go out without the mask for once. He decided to put on a cap anyway, to avoid attracting too much attention. If someone asked him, he was a sexy zombie, and a famous one, but incognito, so he didn't accept photos, thank you.

On his way, he passed an ice cream shop, and eating ice cream before the tacos seemed like a good idea. It all ended up in the stomach at the end, the order didn't really matter.

It was a little cold, so there weren't many people in the shop. Some stared at him, both frightened and fascinated, smiling shyly at him when he greeted them.

It was that stupid gesture, to wave his hand to embarrass strangers, that changed his life. Well, maybe not his life, but at least his day.

No, yes, his whole life.

Wade's hand passed very close to the girl who was patiently waiting her turn behind him, touching her hair, and they both jumped at the same time.

The poor innocent backed off, while he immediately apologized, explaining that he hadn't done it on purpose, and that she had no reason to be afraid or disgusted, he wasn't sick or contagious, just ugly.

           "Well, I guess there's reason to be disgusted, I have a special face."

           "Oh. No, sorry, I was surprised, I was thinking about the ice cream I was going to choose, I thought something was falling on me, like an insect."

           "If I was an insect, I would be a dung beetle. Often screwed up, but very useful for the whole world."

The boxes told him he was ridiculous, but that made the young girl laugh. They then told him that she was making fun of him, while she added that he was funny, with a charming smile.

           "My name is Y/N." she said, holding out her hand, as if she wanted him to shake it. He couldn't do that, she was way too pretty for him to touch.

           "Wade Winston Wilson. Triple W. My dad was an alcoholic, he wanted to call me Georges, but eventually he gave the dog that name, and he loved him more than me."

           "I hope that's not true."

           "The name story isn't. Shall I buy you ice cream?  To make up for almost slapping you. Really sorry, I'll never do that. I'll cut my hand off rather than hit a woman. I've fought women before, but they were bad guys, I mean bad girls, and I think it's pretty feminist of me not to discriminate, but I won't hit a helpless woman who didn't do anything wrong. I'm actually hired to hunt down guys who do this, and sometimes I even do it for free."

This made Y/N laugh again, and Wade considered that she hadn't understood that he was serious.

Not to scare her away, he didn't insist. She had accepted that he pay for her ice cream, if in exchange he agreed to stay a little with her to discuss.

           "I thought you wanted tacos." White reminded him.

           "But now he wants Y/N."

           "She's too good for him. Just like Esmeralda with Quasimodo."

           "She's much prettier than Esmeralda."

           "What ?" Y/N asked looking at him in surprise.

           "Nothing, I... I'm talking to myself, I was thinking of something else. So, not dressed up for Halloween yet ?"

           "No, not yet. I'm not sure I'm going out tonight, the streets aren't safe, and I have a date."

Wade did his best to hide his disappointment, so very badly. This made the young woman laugh again.

           "I mean, I have a date with my sofa, my television, a blanket and some chocolate."

           "I think we have a date with the same person tonight. It's terrible, they're cheating on us, we should get revenge by going out together !"

           "Haha, yes, why not."

He had said that as a joke, really. It was one of the only non-serious things he had said since the moment he saw her sweet face and his heart almost stopped beating at so much beauty, and now Y/N had just accepted a go on a date with him.

           "No, she's joking too."

           "Yes she didn't understand that we were really ugly."

           "I'm really ugly." repeated Wade, pointing his fork at his face. "It's not a mask, I look like it all year round. And I'm really hired to punch bad guys, or worse."

           "I know. You're Deadpool. You sometimes work with Spiderman and other heroes, I've seen you on the news."

           "... And it's okay ?"

           "Yes." simply replied the angel who was eating her ice cream in front of him.

White yelled at him that they were probably dead again and dreaming while he was regenerating. Yellow whispered to him that it was a cruel joke, or that she was a Hydra spy who wanted to capture him to study his cells. Wade watched the rainbows and butterflies floating in the air, hearts in his eyes.

Obviously, Y/N didn't see the little hearts, taking his silence for a rejection.

           "If I was too quick, I'm sorry, I... You're nice, and funny, and I had a great time with you. But if you're not interested, or you already have someone, or...'

           "No ! I'm having a great time too. It's much better than tacos ! I wanted to eat tacos before stopping here."

           "Really ? We... We could go have some together?  Then I don't know. We'll see. Do you have a number ?"

Convinced that she wouldn't call him, he gave her his personal number. The one he had given to his pals of the Team Red of the Moon, and that was it, because all the other people he knew didn't deserve to know this number, with its brilliant voicemail where he imitated Ryan Reynolds, only knowing his professional phone, where he was making farts noises.

Except that Y/N immediately sent him a message, while they were still together.

           "Here. That way we can schedule another date."

           "Another date ?"

           "Yeah... I mean, unless we don't consider today to be a date. Sorry, we'll schedule a first date."

           "I don't know if White and Yellow are right, but I don't care."

           "What ?"

           "Nothing. Shall we go and eat tacos ?"

Leaving way too much money for the waitress, Wade hopped happily alongside Y/N who was still smiling like he didn't look like an idiot with a ravaged face, and Wade thought to himself that Halloween was maybe actually his favourite day. And that eating ice cream before the meal was a great idea !

[niphredil-14]

Homemade Pizza

(Jason Todd X Reader) This is a super self indulgent drabble because I have ARFID and love pizza but can’t eat it due to the sensory issues i have regarding slivers of tomato skin in the sauce.

Food related insecurities were always a struggle in the beginning of a relationship. The number of times they’d heard something along the lines of  ‘Wow! I pity any guy that wants to take you out on a date!’ while growing up, and the number of times it had rung true had really increased their anxiety and self-consciousness regarding the topic. It was a big part of their fear in the moment, commuting to Jason’s apartment while the sun had just begun to set. They knew he loved to cook, and though he had been very understanding when they had explained their eating disorder to him, they worried of when he would get tired of being compassionate, of when he would get tired of their differences, of when he would get tired of the burden of them. The fact that their eating routine was thrown off by the date hadn’t made them any less anxious either, and though they knew that it would’ve been alright for them to turn down the date, they didn’t want to. Jason was a busy man, and they didn’t want to miss out on an opportunity to spend time with him. So lost in their thoughts, time passed quickly, and the subway doors opened. His apartment was only a block or so from the subway, so it took little time to arrive at his doorstep. He answered their knocks almost immediately, swinging the door open and greeting them with a short kiss on the cheek, waving them in. The fear in their veins shot up when the smell of food wafted into their nostrils. Pizza, a food that they liked, but was never worth the suffering to eat. 

“Before you freak out.” He said. “I remembered what you told me about your ED, and how you really liked pepperoni pizza but couldn’t eat it because of the tomato skin, so I made the sauce myself and skinned all the tomatoes first, so that I could make sure there weren’t any skins in the sauce.” They turned to him stunned. Most people were somewhat sympathetic to their struggles, but that was the first time that anybody had actually gone out of their way for them. “But please don’t feel pressured to eat any of it! If we don’t then my family will be more than happy to reheat it later.” They turned their gaze away from him, and instead landed it on the table he had set. It was meant to mimic a vintage Italian restaurant. A red and white checkered tablecloth laid upon the semi-small circular rustic table he had moved to stand in front of his main window, with a candle lit in the center and a plate laid out on either end with napkins and wine glasses and the whole ensemble. The lights throughout his apartment had been dimmed, and soft Italian jazz was playing on a record player at the far end of the room. They could only imagine the look they had on their face, because of the concern written all across his when he called out to them softly. “Baby? Are you okay?” He questioned. “If this is too much, then I’ll put it all away and we can just watch some TV and cuddle instead.” That brought their attention back to him as a soft smile graced their face and they threw themselves into his arms. 

“No, please don’t put this all away. I love it, I was just surprised.” Leaning up and pressing a quick kiss to his cheek, they hurried over to the table and took a seat. He followed suit, and the two sat and sipped on their wine as they talked. The peace as temporarily interrupted when the oven timer went off and Jason got up to get the pizza. In the short time that he was gone, the anxiety had started to creep back up on them They trusted him, and his cooking skills, but that didn’t erase the fear that their eating difficulties would act up and, in their mind, ruin the date. Some of the anxiety subsided when he walked in with the pizza; it looked absolutely delicious, their only worry then was that looks could be deceiving. The rest of their fear melted away with the first bite. A surprised yet pleased muffled moan leaving their lips as their eyes fell shut, utterly enjoying the slice. 

“‘s that good?” Jason teased. Covering their mouth with their hand as they chewed, they responded with,

“I’d fuckin’ die for you, Jason, this is amazing!” 

“Not if I die for you, first.” He chuckled, partially glad that they didn’t get the joke yet. The dinner went by without much talking after that, save for a few short sentences. Neither of them minded much, though, the background music was calming and beautiful, the view just as much so. When they had finished eating, Jason refused to accept any help cleaning up, insisting that they were his guest, and that Alfred had taught him better than that. There was much more conversation during the clean-up than there was during dinner, though the mood hardly changed. Still serene and romantic like it was at the beginning of dinner, and it stayed like that even when they moved to the couch, cuddling with the TV on quietly in the background. 

“Jay?” The spoke, quietly so as to not shatter the atmosphere. 

“Yeah, Doll?” 

“Thank you for tonight, I’m not sure I could explain just how much it meant to me.” Their jaw felt funny moving as it rested on his shoulder, but not unpleasant.

“It wasn’t a big deal, I’m glad you liked it.” They scoffed lightly and lifted their head up, looking into his eyes so that he could see their emotions, and everything they felt that went beyond words. 

“Maybe it wasn’t a big deal to you, but it was the world to me. All my life, it’s seemed like however bothersome my eating disorder was to me, it was more of a burden to the people around me. It’s always felt like I’ve been a burden because of it. I can’t tell you how many friendships and relationships it’s ruined. Even when people were nice about it, it was just them doing their best to ignore it.” They spoke, wrapping their arms around his thick neck, lightly playing with the short stubbled buzz at the nape of his neck. “But you not only acknowledged it, you went out of your way to do something kind for me, in a way that I could enjoy.” A smile made its way onto their face as their eyes shone with unspilled tears. “I really like you, but even if we don’t work out in the long-term, which to be honest, I really hope we do, this will always be a gesture and a night that I’ll hold close to my heart. So don’t pretend like you didn’t do anything important, please. Because you did, more than I think you’ll ever really know.” His hands moved to rest on their waist, as he spoke. 

“You’re not a burden, Sweetheart, not to me.” He said, firmly, despite how quiet his words were. Their smile widened as they shifted forward, slanting their lips against his. Their arms tightening around him as his tightened around them.

[shankschewtoy]

heyyaaa! i really like your headcanons and i saw your request is open ajsjddkckckc (≧∇≦)/ can i have a kid, killer and law dating headcanons?

a/n - awwww I’m so glad you like my hcs that makes me so happy \(//∇//)\ and ofc, tysm for your request anon <3

Warnings ⚠️ - g/n reader, fluff

Kid, Killer, & Law dating headcanons

Kid

- My guy’s an angry kinda guy :’)

- but with you? He’s so soft and gentle oml

- He gets super jealous REALLY easily, so expect some PDA from him lmao

- But, he wonders why you even like him, he’s supposed to be the scariest dude ever!

- It makes his heart melt when you ask for a hug or just randomly lean on his shoulder

- but since he’s Kid he won’t say that lmao

- “Y/n- why the hell are you leaning on me?!”

- “I want a hug.”

- “HUH?! Fine!”

- Tsundere boi 🗿

- He gets on edge if he doesn’t see you for a couple days at a time, he starts to worry if you’re ok or not

- He wants to protect you so bad since you’re his everything 🥺

- please give this man hugs and kisses even though he turns into a tomato and gets all flustered/mad at you

- Deep down, he really loves your affection, but he’s gotta look scary for his crew ya know

- but just know that behind closed doors, he’ll gladly cuddle and give you hugs/kisses <3

- He might not take you on like fancy dinner dates that often, he prefers to stay at home and just cuddle with you

- your head on his chest, or his head on yours so he can listen to your heartbeat

- all he needs is you

- But if you beg him enough, he’ll take you out to dinner AFTER checking throughly that not a single one of his crew mates will be around

- He doesn’t want anyone other than you (and maybe killer) to know that he’s a softie for everything you do

- if you give him those puppy eyes he’ll do anything for you (he’ll pout and complain tho)

- He wants to make sure you’re safe at all times, if anyone ever lays a hand on you..

- Let’s just say I don’t think you’ll be seeing that person ever again 💀

Killer

- He is the literal sweetest man ever

- Every morning when you wake up together, he’ll just sit there and admire how the sun lights up your face so perfectly

- He’ll move the stray hairs behind your ears and give you soft kisses to your temple

- pls you can’t tell me this isn’t adorable 🥹

- He’s a bit self-conscious of his laugh and everything about himself

- He worries that he’s too violent and too “scary” for you, he doesn’t want you to be afraid of him!

- He also has this fear that he’s not good enough for you

- TELL HIM HE’S PERFECT IN EVERY WAY

- Words of affirmation go a long way for this man ✨

- Saying “I love you” to him is probably the thing that’ll make him quiet for about 2 minutes before finally registering the fact that you just said that

- My guy didn’t expect you to say that 😭

- Give him a bit to understand lmao

- He LIVES for you to lay on his chest

- He loves having you close to him, it makes him feel safe and reassured that he can protect you

- Unlike his captain, Killer doesn’t do as much PDA

- He’s more discreet about it if he gets jealous in public

- Wether that be just saying to the person hitting on you, “I’m their bf.” Or just putting his hand on your waist, he’s a lot more calm than Kid lmao

-If you say that his laugh is so cute I think you might short circuit him

- Like he’s already so self-conscious about it, he HATES his laugh sm

- But when you tell him it’s super cute and that you like hearing his laugh, he’ll get more comfortable with giggling a bit when he’s with you

- Idk why but I imagine him having the most random jokes ever

- “Y/n, why did the man miss the funeral in the morning?”

- “… What..?”

- “Because he wasn’t a mourning person.”

- “Killer. no.”

- He has more I promise 🗿

Law

- Law is a dark man

- He’s super distant and always has that frown (it’s because of the Luffy stress)

- But when he sees you, it’s like most of his worries just disappear, all he can think about is you

- I’m sorry but this man has the most unhealthy sleeping schedule ever

- In the rare occasion that he sleeps with you, he’ll hug you from behind and rest his head in the crook of your neck

- He hugs you kind of tightly, so you might not be able to move lmao

- In the morning, if he does stay with you in bed, he’ll almost always wake up if you start moving around

- He’ll start peppering kisses along your jawline and the side of your neck/shoulder

- In public, you keep your relationship kinda discreet

- He doesn’t want you to become a target with him, he never wants that to happen

- He does get jealous, but since his abilities are literally perfect, sometimes you’ll just disappear from your convo and appear right next to him

- “Did you need me Law?”

- “… no.”

- “Then why’d you teleport me?”

- “Nevermind that y/n-ya, let’s leave.”

- hehe he’ll never admit he’s jealous tho

- Behind doors he’s a lot more open with affection, he loves it when you sit with him while he works!

- He loves your company <3

- If you bring him some snacks and let him know it’s ok to take a break

- His heart melts. You thought of him?? You’re too kind for this man 😭

- He finds himself so happy when he knows that you’re always going to be by his side, even though he might have that same dead-pan face

- If you tell him he looks handsome, that literally makes him so flustered

- It’s so cute like only the tips of his ears turn red, and his cheeks are tinted pink

- He tries to hide it with his hat but uh- it’s kinda hard to miss

- He also likes being the little spoon sometimes! When you run your fingers through his hair, his entire body just releases all tension 🥺

- Listening to your heartbeat is the most calming thing for him

- It reassures him that you’re here with him <3

a/n - this was so adorable to write 🥺 tysm for the request (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)

<3

[zooophagous]

Strauss was a native German speaker, though there were woefully few opportunities to use it in the States (he had ceased referring to them as "the colonies" after much correcting.) It wasn't the only language he had in his repertoire that he had long since ceased using, however. Latin was a language even longer dead than he was.

But much like himself, it lived on in a newer and much evolved form. The word "Company" came to mind. 'Com' meaning 'together,' and 'Panis' meaning 'bread.' Someone you would have bread with.

He could no longer eat bread. But the vegan grilled cheese and tomato soup combo would be a fine supper for a certain lycan, if he would open the door. Strauss knocked quietly at Troy's dorm.

A muffled "go away." Came from the other side.

Strauss didn't go away. He also was too polite to simply push his way in. So he stood there and allowed the smell of hot food to permeate and the strength of his silence become defeaning. Soon he heard a grunt of annoyance and footsteps.

Troy opened the door.

"I told you to git."

"Of course. You don't mean it though. Besides, you must be hungry."

"I don't want to eat. I don't deserve to eat."

"Oh shut up."

Strauss pushed his way into the room, Troy submitted tiredly and dragged himself back to his bed, where he burrowed under a thick comforter. "I'm not coming out. I'm not eating it."

"I went through the trouble of microwaving it for you, you will eat it. Doctor's orders." He set the food down on the night stand and sank into an oversized bean bag chair.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Why not?!" Troy stuck his head out of his blanket sanctuary. "For the same reason you don't eat. Now do you understand?"

"I have begun to increase my meal intake. Do not think my own abstinence is a moral judgment on you. I am, after all, a murderer. I have no basis to pass a moral judgment on you, Troy."

"Well that makes two of us."

"What do you mean by that?"

Troy paused, but burrowed into his blankets without answering the question. Strauss was undeterred.

"Troy. What did you mean by that."

"I mean what I said." Came the muffled reply. He let the comforter fall from his head with a sigh. He eyed the container of food with sad, hungry eyes. "I never told you why I went vegan, did I?"

"No. I did not think it my place to ask. There is a story here?"

"Yeah."

Troy scooted to the edge of his bed and sat facing the vampire, but with his head down staring at the floor. Strauss didn't mind a lack of eye contact, at least.

"You know how you told me you don't eat very much because you're afraid of feeding bad urges?"

"Yes."

"Well. This is sort of related to that. I already told you things were difficult in high school. I was adopted, which already makes you feel like the odd one out. And on top of that I'm gay. I know you don't have much of a frame of reference for this, but rural Minnesota in the early 2000's wasn't necessarily what you'd call a beacon of love and acceptance."

"You were mistreated by your peers?"

"Relentlessly." He sighed. "Every dumb chucklefuck with something to prove would try to pick on me. They'd make fun of me for being fat, not realizing that I'm also just big in general and could pretty easily take most of them. Usually it didn't get physical but there was this one guy."

Troy's voice cracked along with his face, contorting into a deep pained grimace. He inhaled sharply as he continued.

"When I was in my last year of high school this one guy, Derek, thought he'd get the courage to make an example of me. He tried. He nearly succeeded. He was about the only guy in the school almost as big as me. He took me by surprise when I was walking home and we started fighting in this ditch."

"I get the feeling Derek did not win this fight."

"He didn't win. He also didn't survive." Troy swallowed hard.

"I thought he was winning, at first. My heart felt like it was going to explode, and my whole body hurt like a mother fucker. I thought I was dying. I know now I was just...waking up. I wasn't really all there for the rest of the fight. I don't remember a thing before waking up naked and covered in blood in the shelter belt behind my parent's farm. I thought it was MY blood."

He chuckled nervously though tears had begun to fall. "I got cleaned up and waited for my folks to come home to tell them I'd been jumped. I didn't really find any major injuries on myself so I decided not to try and go to the hospital on my own. They were really late coming home that day. Said they had to stop and wait for the cops to let them drive through. Said something bad happened on the road."

Strauss tilted his head. "I understand. The trauma induced your very first shift."

"Yeah. I started losing. I shifted. And I... Strauss, I mauled him. He was so badly torn up that they couldn't even have a real funeral."

"What did you do? Were you a suspect?"

"No. Officially this was the work of an animal attack, and at the time nobody knew what that animal was. Not even me. But what makes me sick to my stomach is that someone blabbed some of the gritty details about what happened after his autopsy was finished. And come to find out not only did I kill him, Strauss..." Troy solemnly looked up to face his friend, his eyes red and watery.

"I ate him."

"I see." Strauss sat quietly for a moment. "I do suppose flesh of any kind might be difficult to stomach, after that. You are perhaps lucky you did not develop a prion disease."

"Not only the disgust. There's this notion about animals, see, that old timers on farms have. It's that if a dog or other animal gets a taste for blood, a taste of raw meat, they get obsessed with it and they don't ever stop killing after that. I stopped eating meat, any meat, trying to starve the wolf. Trying to make sure it didn't come back. And if it did, it would come back weak and docile and too slow and shabby to kill someone again."

"Obviously, it does not work."

"But it did! Sort of! I mean, I haven't killed or seriously hurt ANYONE since that day. And I've had some close calls. Sure the institute helps, but do I really want to take any chances with my diet? But now I've gone off the deep end again. You couldn't even stop me, and you were one of the people on my treatment plan!"

He yelled, and put his hands on his head. "So now I'm taking a page out of your book. I'm just going to stick to a bare bones ration. I'll be too weak to shift, and if I shift I'll be too weak to fight. It's safer."

"No. I simply will not allow it."

"Make me."

"Troy." Strauss stood up. "For one, it sounds as if, even unintentionally, you acted primarily in defense of your own life. Such is the right of any living thing on this planet- to preserve that limited gift against an attacker by any means necessary. For another, if the options are to have you here in front of me or to have a cruel, violent dullard; I will pick you every time."

"You don't know, though. Maybe you would have liked Derek. Maybe he would have matured into something better than what he was. Maybe I robbed the world of someone who could have helped save it."

"He wasn't doing a very good job. And if he had succeeded, he would have a difficult time learning and growing in prison. The world was going to lose him one way or another. Perhaps if he went to meet God, you did him a favor by sending him to the afterlife without the stain of murder on his hands."

"I thought you didn't believe in God." Troy snorted.

"Not believing in and hating are two separate things." He folded his claws neatly. "Truthfully Troy, he sounds like someone I would have also consumed. But, myself with much more guilt than you, because I would have torn him apart and had my fill while lucid and sapient."

"Listen to you talk so big. Aren't you supposed to be "harmless" according to the institute?"

"Formerly harmless. If you remember correctly, I was technically arrested by the Van Helsings under a charge of murder."

"Yeah but didn't that guy have it coming?"

"Exactly. See? I knew you'd get there. Now, come out and eat your sandwich. Please."

"I still don't know if I want to. Even if it is vegan."

"Yes... I often have had some trepidation about consuming blood, even when given to me freely. I have had to learn to accept it as a gift and swallow it along with my feelings. This... "grilled cheese" is my gift to you."

"You're really going to make me eat this, aren't you?"

"Yes. Unfortunately, you cannot undo the harm done to others by harming yourself. Believe me, I have had eons of trying."

"Fine. But on one condition. You hang out with me and chat while I eat it."

"Chatting I can do."

[kamyru]

hi!! first of all i love your writing!! 🤍i feel like you always write the guys really well and stick to their character so it always pulls me into your stories! i have a request for kuranosuke kiba. i thought it was super cute how in the heartfelt ending the guys secretly tell mc that kuranosuke’s ears are a giveaway about how he feels. i was wondering if maybe you could do a scenario where he feels embarrassed/shy about something and turns away from mc but she sees his ears turn red and teases him. maybe she calls him like a nickname or smth(i like to call him kura lol) and he gets all shy. after mc teases him he wants payback so maybe it would lead into some frisky time hehe🫢 thank you!!

Hi! Thank you for this ask and sorry for taking so long to respond to it. I hope you'll like the result. I used to say "Soft Kaga is the best Kaga", but now I'll say "Soft Kuranosuke is the best Kuranosuke". So, here's some soft and cute Kuranosuke for our souls.

Luckier and the luckiest (Kuranosuke Kiba x MC) (Scenario)

Summary: Coming home to the love of his life was a scenario Kuranosuke Kiba could hardly imagine. Yet, he was even luckier than just this.

Word counting: 1004

"Imagine coming home to this," a voice said through the phone, and MC giggled. She put the phone on the counter and continued to cook.

"Knowing your brother, he will complain that I'm cooking too messy and will make me clean everything before starting to eat."

A duet of soft laughs reverberated through the kitchen. When the women calmed, MC continued smiling while cutting the vegetables.

"Are these the tomatoes Kuranosuke is harvesting?"

MC nodded and showed the tomatoes to the oldest of Kiba's kids. The fashion vlogger in her woke up, and she started to pose with the tomatoes, entertaining her sister-in-law.

"Is there at least one thing Little Kura is bad at?" the oldest woman commented more to herself. Hearing this, MC stopped everything and looked at the camera.

"What did you just call him? Little Kura?"

Before answering, Kuranosuke's sister let out a hearty laugh. "My brother is going to kill me. But I'll tell you if you keep this a secret," the story began after MC nodded a few times. "When he was born, everyone called him Little Kura because Kuranosuke is too long. However, as we all know, he started to show his pretentious personality, and we stopped because it didn't suit him. So, even in the family, he is called Kuranosuke. Yet, from time to time, it slips from us, especially from my mom and me, because we called him like this the longest. But it's safe to assume that he hates this nickname," Again, a wave of laughing shook the Kiba household's walls. "I would pay to see you calling him like this. I tried to bribe Shiori to do it, but she was too calm for mischief games like this."

After hearing Kuranosuke's former wife's name, MC fell silent. No, she wasn't jealous. She was just curious to know snippets of information about the love of her life before he had become the love of her life. So, talking as often as possible with his family was one of the tools she used for this, even if it broke her heart to understand more and more how the Kiba family saw their middle kid.

"Can't believe that he is so lucky. None in our family believed that he would by himself find someone as wonderful as you," MC's sister-in-law added with a content smile on her face.

"I don't understand why, though," Mrs. Kiba commented while mixing the vegetables. "Kuranosuke is never cruel, and all his criticism is constructive. And both of us know that he cares more than he shows. Every woman wants a man who cares, and he does. He won't ever admit out loud that he is worried about letting me walk alone at night, so he comes to walk me home after work. He never says half of his sweets are mine but always leaves them for me in the fridge. But he won't ever hide that he loves me. It doesn't matter where and when, Kuranosuke always makes sure I'm the most important he has in his life. He wasn't lucky to get me. I was luckier to get him," MC explained to her sister-in-law, finally getting enough courage to try to convince the Kiba family that their "black sheep" deserved their love and understanding as much as the rest of them.

For a while, the oldest Kiba was silent. MC even tapped on the screen a few times to make sure it wasn't a bug. She barely saw her sister-in-law not talking for so long.

"Hi, Kuranosuke," were the first words the older sibling said. Suddenly, MC turned back and saw her husband in home slippers, with his tie loose, and playing with their cat. He got Haru in his hands, not caring that the cat's hair would stick to his white shirt.

"When did you get home?" MC asked while looking from one Kiba to another.

"If you weren't so engrossed in talking behind my back, you would have known."

MC put the food on the lowest fire and waved goodbye to her sister-in-law, following her husband.

"How was work? I nearly finished the dinner. Will you let Haru go so I can give you a welcome-home kiss?"

MC's last sentence finally made Kuranosuke look at her. For an untrained eye, the man looked like The Blizzard he was at work. Yet, when the woman tilted her head, a grin appeared on her face.

"You got shy after hearing all I said to your sister?"

Kuranosuke couldn't look his wife in the eyes, so he turned his head after Haru, but it gave him away. Before he understood what he had done, MC's hand was on his ears while her thumb caressed his cheeks.

"Little Kura is so cute!"

"What did you just say? I'm going to kill her!"

MC laughed, but her husband was too "furious" at his sister to stay calm. So, her grip on him tightened.

"Can you shut up for a second, so I could kiss you?"

Before Kuranosuke could answer, he lost himself in the warmth of MC's lips.

"I love you," he whispered between kisses and pressed MC against the wall, lifting her on his waist.

"The dinner is on the stove."

"Fuck dinner."

MC's fingers got lost in Kuranosuke's hair while her legs hugged him tighter against her.

"How can I think about food when my wife talks so sweet about me behind my back?"

MC didn't answer. Instead, she put some space between them to undo Kuranosuke's buttons. In the meantime, the husband put a few strands of hair behind his wife's ear and admired the beauty in front of him.

"I think that I'm the luckiest one in this relationship. Loving you was the best thing that happened in my life."

MC gave up on getting herself together to concentrate on the buttons and kissed her husband as hard as possible, putting all her feelings on the tip of her lips. They were a family of lucky people, more definitely.

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Re-reading The Fellowship of the Ring for the First Time in Fifteen Years

Ok, so, as we move further into this book, I kind of don't understand why they didn't click with me when I read them at seventeen. I mean, I was DEEEEEEEEEEEP into the Star Wars EU at that point, so maybe it was just genre and writing style whiplash. That said though, I am very much enjoying myself this time around. Let's talk "Three is Company.

So my four key reactions to this chapter were, in the order they arose,

Frodo is the single most relatable hobbit ever. His whole "To tell the truth, he was very reluctant to start, now that it had come to the point" thing is just like...I don't care who you are or when you are, you have felt that at some point in your life. Like...yeah, that hobbit needs a hug and a swift kick in the ass to get him moving.

WHAT THE ACTUAL TITS IS TOLKIEN'S BEEF WITH LOBELIA SACKVILLE-BAGGINS!?!?!? Like yes, she is a deeply unpleasant hobbit, but like...Frodo does not offer her any tea and leaves her the washing up, and frankly that kind of seems unnecessary? Like why is Tolkien a dick to Lobelias?

I had forgotten that Tolkien leaned on characterizations of elves that swing from near-childlike delight and wonder and bluntness ("...and hobbits are so dull," anyone??? Like I was literally raised with better manners than this) to absolute solemnity and wisdom. What I'm saying is that Gildor and his buddies gave me whiplash while Sam was getting starry-eyed.

WHY THE HELL HAS NOBODY TOLD THIS HOBBIT ANYTHING??? Literally they have almost been nabbed by black riders THREE DANG TIMES, and they're still basically in the heart of the Shire. Someone needs to fill these guys in, and frankly I think in Gandalf's oft-remarked-upon absence, then Gildor should probably step up and--as Frodo rightly fucking says--fill in some of the gaps because the vague warnings and ominous allusions are objectively worse than just knowing what is happening.

So with the key reactions sorted, let's walk it back a little and chat through this chapter. I--like every other nerd who existed on the planet in the 2000s--have seen the Peter Jackson film adaptations. I was also tangentially aware that there was a LOT of time compression in those movies, but uh...reading the book is a whole other level of understanding that. There are gaps of literal months and years between "oopsie poopsie, it's the One Ring" and "hey, you probably need to leave the Shire" and "OK FINE, WE'RE GOING." And even once Frodo, Sam, and Pippin get their asses on the road, they're like...meandering. Hanging out. Enjoying the walk.

What I'm saying is, the sense of urgency is utterly nonexistent.

Which is not a judgement, I actually enjoyed the pacing and watching our little hobbit bois be happy hobbit bois, but the feet-nailed-to-the-floor practical side of me was in a screaming match with the -delightedly-kicking-her-feet side of me the entire time I was reading this chapter. Like...guys. The Enemy is LITERALLY ON YOUR DOORSTEP. THEY ALMOST GOT YOU. MAYBE HAUL ASS A BIT??? BUY YOURSELVES SOME TIME AND SPACE???

I'm pretty sure that running into Gildor and his buddies saved their hobbity butts.

Just before we get into Gildor and the company of elves though, I want to take a brief second to just...acknowledge the goddamn WHISPLASH I got when the song movie Pippin sings over Denethor just destroying a roast chicken and cherry tomatoes popped up this early in the trilogy. It's a walking song and it's very hobbity, and I love both versions (book and movie) but for DEEPLY different reasons. The book version is sweeter, a little cheekier, and I imagine it paces because it is indeed a walking song, meant to keep those feet moving. It also is very much Pippin going "bed please!" which is deeply relatable. The movie makes it way weightier, more melancholy. And in the film context, it's also tragic. The shift from "away shall fade" to "all shall fade" is doing a TON of heavy lifting too. I don't have much else about that, really, because in terms of adaptation, that's not so much an adaptation as a recontextualization. And...I like both? Both are good? They're different, and I'm not gonna get bogged down in judging differences, I'm just going to enjoy both versions.

Back to the elves.

Frodo has some social cache with them, given his relationship to Bilbo and his grasp of the elven language, however small. Frodo also goes in for the traditional polite greetings and exchanges, which is all great. That said...

Thank christ that Pippin has no chill, because if he hadn't burst in and gone, "Tell us about the Black Riders," we'd have been doing social graces for literally another few pages. And I'm willing to bet that Frodo might not have actually gotten there, and then the three would not have been taken under the elves' wing, which again, I'm pretty sure saved their halfling asses. So thank goodness for Pippin just cutting through the bullshit and getting the plot moving a little. And he is amply rewarded with just hella good food and a good night's sleep, so all is right in his little hobbit heart.

I might love Pippin. Like, disproportionately.

What I did not love was Gildor. Gildor and his "Then I think it is not for me to say more - lest terror should keep you from your journey," and his "advice is a dangerous gift," and his "is it not enough to know that they are servants of the enemy?" and his "courage is found in unlikely places."

Gildor. My dude. Sweetie, honey, friend. YOU ARE NOT HELPING HERE WITH THE PHILOSOPHIZING AND THE PASSING OF THE BUCK. This is actually how you know Tolkien was a tried and true academic, because you can't get a straight answer to a direct question without being taken through a masterclass in philosophy first.

Like, I'm so happy for you and your education and your erudition, but for fucks sake, if I asked you if the sky was blue, we'd be debating what "blue" is for hours over tea when what I needed was a straight answer so I could plan my day. (I would be a terrible elf, you guys. Just absolutely terrible.)

The best I can say about Gildor is that he names Frodo an Elf-Friend, which I'm willing to bet is going to be beneficial down the road. He also made sure that Frodo, Sam, and Pippin were safe that night, and they got fed. So I guess that's a win.

Overall a fun chapter, and I'm excited to finally catch up with Merry and start planning to bail on the Shire in the next chapter!

[atimelesslullaby]

Meet the Mun

ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ ᴍᴜꜱᴇ(ꜱ) ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ?

Oh, goodness. In 2013 This actually started out as a Twilight Princess Zelda with some friends, who I parted ways with on not so friendly terms. Then it was an OoT Zelda in a group, before November 2014 when I turned her indie. I've loved OoT Zelda since I was young, at first, it was solely for her beauty. As I grew older, and began to understand her character, I only loved her more.

some past urls have been: 'greaterlight' - 'magickick' - 'sagexftime'

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ?

Smut. I will not write it, even though we're both of age. Anything of the like will strictly be fade to black. Nothing against those who enjoy writing it, and I'm not sex repulsed. It's just not my thing.

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ?

I do like action, though I rarely get to write it. I also want to explore her extreme guilt for what happened. Let's be real, the events of OoT happened because *she* decided her dream was prophecy, and set the gears turning. It was, as she even says herself, all her fault. I feel like she's one of the most flawed Zeldas out there. Most of them are selfless, kind, completely devoted to saving everything. While OoT Zelda was similar, she's also very selfish. She sent a total stranger on a quest, she expected him to protect her while she sealed Ganon away, and even in the end. She abused her power over time to create new timelines. She didn't even ask if Link wanted to be sent back to his childhood.

Good intentioned as it was, it was selfish.

ʜᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ?

I've made this Zelda my own, really, as we get hardly any adult Zelda canon. We get two legitimate scenes with her, and two small ones. That's it. If an idea comes to me, I'll introspect on it, and if I feel it deserving, make a headcanon post about it.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ɪɴ ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴏʀ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴍᴜꜱɪᴄ?

When writing her, I'll often listen to the ending of OoT. The part where she and Link are together in the sky, and listen up until the end, then repeat until I've finished writing. Not *always*, but often. I absolutely adore the music.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇꜱ ᴏʀ ᴡɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴍ?

I can do both! I've been told very often that people are intimidated by the lengths I can reach. All I can say is please, don't be intimidated by how long my replies can get. As long as you give me something to work with, length doesn't really matter.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ꜱʜɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ?

Oh goodness yes, when it's developed well. I don't have any current ships on Zelda's blog anymore than I can remember, they've all been lost to the echoes of time. One of them is still alive, but it's strictly on Discord. That being said, if you want to plan a ship, let me know! My Zelda is heteroromantic, demisexual. All you cute guys out there hit a girl up

ᴡʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀʟɪᴀꜱ/ɴᴀᴍᴇ?

You can call me Bear, you can call me Danny. Either works!

ᴀɢᴇ?

I turned 32 a few months ago

ʙɪʀᴛʜᴅᴀʏ?

January 9th

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ(ꜱ)?

Orange and Brown

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴏɴɢ(ꜱ)?

I mostly listen to animated music. I don't know if I could pick a true favorite, but the first song that comes to mind is the reprise of "Part of Your World" from The Little Mermaid (who I also write lmao, I have four main blogs)

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴍᴏᴠɪᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

When The Wind Blows

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

I'm afraid I don't watch television

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱᴏɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪꜱᴛᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ?

Part of Your World (I was practicing it yesterday, only got the first half recorded cause I didn't like how the second half came out u_u)

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏᴏᴅ?

Tomato Soup with lots of cheese :3c

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴇᴀꜱᴏɴ?

Winter. Long nights, starry skies, snowy fields. I adore it.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ?

I don't want to exclude anyone, there are many people I care about on Tumblr. But if I had to choose one person, I'd say @trencri. I've known Donnie for two years now, but it feels like we've been friends for ages. We've talked near every day for those two years. We relate on a lot of subjects, both IC and OOC.

Tagged By: @red-man-of-mustache (Thank you <3)

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

skeletons reacting to arriving at their SO’s house to absolute chaos? SO has their baby nephew, is on the phone, the house is a mess and dinner is on the stove. SO sees him and hands him the baby like “thank God you’re here! Take him for a sec. I’m on the phone with my brother’s doctor and the veggies are about to burn—“

Undertale Sans - He takes the baby in his arms and goes to sit in the couch to play with them a bit. He loves babies. He misses the time Papyrus was as little as this little guy. He doesn't mind the chaos. That's just how it is with babies, he knows it quite well. He's just happy he can spend some time with the baby. He's such in a good mood that he will even help to clean after the kid's parents come to take them back.

Undertale Papyrus - He takes the baby, but his jaw is wide open. The house, his perfect house is a disaster. There's paint on the walls and on Sans' skull, who passed out in the couch, there's food everywhere on the floor and the tables, the kitchen is flooded with tomato sauce. His head twitches. He goes to fetch a baby carrier and starts to clean frantically while S/O ends their phone call. No mess allowed in his house!

Underswap Sans - "N-NO WAIT D-DON'T LEAVE ME WITH THIS!" But too late. He's holding the baby at arm's length, the lower part of their body dandling in the emptiness and he doesn't know what to do??? Help? He doesn't like babies. They're small and they always cry when they see his face. And that doesn't miss. Soon, the baby starts to cry and Blue isn't sure what he could do to make it stop, so he just stays there and waits for you to come back.

Underswap Papyrus - He happily takes you nephew and starts playing with him with a huge dumb smile on the face. Honey loves chidren and he didn't knew you were keeping your nephew today! You should have call him sooner, he would have keep the baby for you all day long. You won't have the baby for the rest of the night though. It's his now.

Underfell Sans - His eyes widens in fear as you shove the baby in his arms. He looks at you like you just murdered him. "please no, take it back, i don't like it." You leave, still on the phone. He looks at the baby. Man, he wants to cry. Come on, it's not funny, take this back, he can't hold a baby he's scared. He's frozen in fear in the entrance, too scared to move. He's not ready to be a father yet even if it's not his kid! Come on!

Underfell Papyrus - He takes the baby and as soon as your back is turned, he sniffs it with a disgusted face. "EW HOW CAN YOU SMELL THIS BAD? WHERE IS IT COMING FROM?" He starts sniffing around the baby, then finds where it's coming from. "HUM... Y/N. WHEN HUMANS POOP, YOU THROW THEM IN THAT THING CALLED THE TOILETS, RIGHT?" You're distracting saying yes, not understanding he's talking about the baby. Edge goes upstairs, open the toilet and puts the baby in the toilet bawl. And wait. Now what? He looks at the baby, the baby looks at him, and this is very awkward. Did it do wrong? Suddenly, S/O screams and runs to take the baby out of the toilet bawl, their pants soaking and asks what is wrong with him. Edge is confused. "BUT YOU JUST SAID... NEVERMIND." He's done. It's too hard, he doesn't like it. He's leaving.

Horrortale Sans - He's dying inside. The baby climbed his shoulder and they're looking inside his hole, testing the echo. Oak knows it's bad to scream at the baby, so he does nothing but looking at S/O with puppy eyes, begging them to help him. Why does it have to be him? He stays very gentle and patient, but man, this is hard.

Horrortale Papyrus - He takes the baby hesitantly. He likes children, but he's always a bit worried around babies, because his hands are huge and he's a bit clumsy sometimes. The baby looks ridiculously small in his arms. He goes to sit in the couch and starts talking with the baby with a baby voice. He's a bit nervous though. A part of his brain still thinks that these hands used to hurt people very badly and he's scared to hurt the baby accidentally. He tries not to think too much about that. He doesn't mind the mess, Oak is pretty messy all day long, forgetting about stuff so he's used to it.

Swapfell Sans - He looks at the thing in his arms. "WHY IS IT LOOKING AT ME? WHAT DOES IT WANT?" S/O screams to try and hug the baby and leaves with the phone. Nox looks at the baby. "HUG? WHY?" He relulanctly brings the baby close to hug him. The baby burps, then throws up on his homemade jacket. His eye sockets goes black. When S/O comes back, he is still there, eye sockets pitch black, not moving an inch. Nox is broken.

Swapfell Papyrus - What have you done. You let him with the child for two minutes and now a paint bomb exploded in your living room. There's paint on the walls, the floor, the skeleton and the child. Rus is just giggling like an idiot. But eh, everything is already a mess, one more or one less can't be that bad, right? You tell Rus that if he doesn't clean everything in the next 30 seconds he's dead. What did you expect, leaving a man-child all alone with another child?

Fellswap Gold Sans - Wine looks at the child, looks at the couch, puts the child in the couch in front of a cartoon and leaves. Far away. You scream when you finds out, but he's already far away. He's not touching the stuff.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - Coffee is very excited to hold the baby. He takes the responsability very seriously and goes to play with the baby. You can see him smile like never before when the baby answers him. The only problem being that... It's his baby now. There's no way you're getting them back. Or their parents. Coffee teleports in his room, locks the door and won't listen to you. Good luck with that.

[amporella]

although on a more serious note i hate it when ppl say that kyle blew up canada because he was jealous of heidi bc i personally believe that:

he didn't blow up canada because of jealousy. he didn't go "guess ill blow up canada" after heidi decided to date cartman. the heidi situation might have contributed to it, but they fail to recognize that he was socially outcasted by his peers. for reasons kyle thought were unreasonable, and to be fr kinda were. and kyle, similar to in 'south park is gay', when he feels as though he's been isolated for something he feels unreasonable, he ends up wanting to 'prove everyone wrong', or avenge himself. he obviously also starts thinking negatively of his peers that have isolated him and of things he associates with them. he tries to find things to blame for how they treated him, so it'll be the thing he gets revenge on or something. in that case it was terrance and philip. one thing leads to another and canada gets nuked. was he indirectly involved in it? sure. did he go to the fucking white house to get nuclear codes from garrison then march on over to the goddamn pentagon to do the deed? no! obviously! and it wasn't even his intention in the first place!

does it mean his name is suddenly cleared if wasnt the one to directly do it? probably no, but it certainly can't compare to shit cartman's done, and he definitely didn't do it just because he got jealous that heidi started (read: got manipulated into) dating cartman again, and in the episode 'splatty tomato' he clearly said he no longer had any feelings for heidi at the time, and probably hadn't for a while. his whole relationship with heidi started out as him trying to get her out of what turned into an abusive situation. to see her go back into that situation then turn into a female version of the guy that's been antisemitic to him since what? infant onesies? would probably be very upsetting. in the end he did get over her, and like i said, clearly stated he had no feelings for the person she became.

like the 'kyle blew up canada' comment alone shows they only really did surface level analyzation on kyle's character and while he's done tons of fucked up shit, in terms of intent, the general moral code and policies he has, and his general attitude, he really isn't 'just as bad as cartman'. sure he's far from a 100% goodie two shoes but being on par with cartman? as if. like its not very hard to think through.

ive also seen people who say this kind od thing say they're missing the point of south park (being full of assholes, being offensive, etc. etc.) like no YOUR missing the point of cartman. the point of his character is the he's the assholiest of assholes!!! his character is supposed to embody nearly every bad opinion or belief that exists!! every bigoted thought you could have!!! the worst in people!!! like im not goin to deny that overtime he's started developing lots of depth and grew to become more than just the 'psychopathic child' caricature he started out as, but if you can't even understand the basic purpose that cartman's character has in south park's narrative and its main base and foundation, then like,,, i doubt you oughta be saying that chief. just a thought.

that's it from me, sorry for the ramble!! i just really wanted to share my thoughts on this kind of comment specifically ^^; hope ur doing well!!

RIGHT ON THE MONEY TBH!! (And it's been a while since I've watched that arc, so excuse any errors)

It's beyond insane to accuse Kyle of nuking Canada over something as petty as jealousy alone, and it really shows a fundamental misunderstanding of his character, as well as a fundamental misunderstanding of how external influence can affect someone? Like, I am genuinely concerned about how people can be so out of touch to not understand that Kyle had a million things coming at him at once in that instance - Heidi included (and not even just Heidi dating Cartman, but Heidi, a girl he really liked and felt protective of, making a sharp pivot to antisemitism), but also his friends (as you mentioned) and Mr. Garrison! It's obvious by Kyle's immediate horrified reaction that he didn't realize the implication of his actions; he was used as a pawn by Mr. Garrison to achieve and justify his political goals, and at the end of the day, you're totally right - he wasn't the one who actually did the deed, and imo there is NO way he would have done it himself. He expressed anger that he thought was righteous, and Mr. Garrison took it and ran with it. How is that his fault?

You worded it just as well as I could; it's absolutely laughable to think that Kyle is in any way as bad as Cartman based on one instance that he didn't even directly commit. Cartman does the bad shit he does out of genuine hatred: nobody taunts him over the phone to tell him to do it, and the minorities he hates certainly don't push him to the brink. He just does it because he can, and he wants to. He shows no remorse when he does succeed, and the regret he shows when he doesn't is only that he didn't succeed - not that he regrets any of his actions, at all. Kyle and Cartman are not on the same plane whatsoever.

It requires intentional misinterpretation of literally EVERYTHING Matt and Trey intended about South Park to think that Kyle is as bad as Cartman tbh! In order for South Park to work as a piece of satire, Cartman HAS to be the bad guy and he HAS to have good guys to play off of. Not perfect guys, but good guys. Without the contrast of bad guy vs good guy and Cartman having people who actually care about doing good to attack, South Park would have never survived this long. And even beyond all of that; why the hell would Matt make the character who's essentially his self insert as bad as Cartman? Surely that's enough of evidence that no, that obviously wasn't the intention?

Don't apologize for the ramble!! I think it makes a lot of sense and I totally agree. I hope you're doing well too!!! <3

(and WAJIPFAJFI all's well that ends well I guess?)