#thought i liked it but i cant find ot again

[stanfordswifey]

"Sharing? Oh please."

Part 3. <- You are here

Part 2.

Part 1.

You had just gotten into a short coma, no one knew when you would wake up, hell- no one even knew if you would live.. but two soldiers waited patiently. Giving you gifts daily, visiting you daily and even sleeping in your hospital room, ghost and könig had made a truce and decided to pay off your hospital bills together.

Ghost was your childhood friend, someone you could trust, someone who cares for you, who would do ANYTHING for you. König is your ex boyfriend, you chose him because you really liked his accent, his cute homemade gifts for you, everything he did, he did for you, for your wellbeing, for your good. But he messed up, he messed up bad when you caught him cheating, sure it might have only been a one time thing but it still hurt didn't it? And the fact he was sober too.. all while you were pregnant. But now thats not a worry..

A year had passed by, the doctors had to take away your now dead baby from your stomach, she didn't survive the crash. König felt guilty, he thought it was his fault. But it is his fault.. if only he hadn't been cheating-- your thoughts pause, you felt your body getting warmer, you finally regained consciousness again.

--

You wake up, fluttering your heavy eyelids open to see simon on the couch beside you, he looked peaceful. You couldn't help but smile.

"si..?"

You mumble, your mouth was dry and your voice was barely comprehensable but he heard and immediately got up.

"Love?"

His eyes widen at the sight of you smiling, his heart feeling warmth after so long. He rushed over and pulled you in for a hug, tears in his eyes threatening to fall.

"You're awake! Oh my god.. i missed you so much"

You chuckle, hugging him back, ignoring the pain everywhere in your body. You smile at him, pulling away from said hug.

"where's.. where's könig?"

You ask, hope in your voice vanishing when ghost opened his mouth. He felt his heart clench, his tears falling down. Even after all of that.. you're still looking for him..?

"he's busy, but i'm here.. please! I can treat you better"

You cant help but chuckle at him awkwardly, tilting your head in confusion.

"You like me? I thought you only ever saw me as a friend"

His heart throbbed at those words. 'Friend' friend?! Would a friend wait for years just to be with you?

He hugged you again, tears falling. You hug him back, knowing it's not often he'd be willing to hug someone.

"Please.. give me a chance love, i can treat you better! You deserve better"

Ghost begs, pulling away from the hug and kneeling down, looking up wt you with pleading eyes, this gets you off guard and you look dumbfounded at the sight. The door opens to reveal a chuckling könig at the other side.

"Ghost? I thought you were better than that"

He chuckled, ghost getting up and rolling his eyes, standing in front of your bed in a defensive stance, clearly irritated.

"Look who's talking."

He barked, könig getting hurt but doesnt show ot, he walks over to you and places his hand on your cheek, caressing your face gently, he smiled at you so lovingly before placing a kiss on your forehead, the feeling of his masked lips giving you butterflies.

"König.. i told you we were over didnt i?"

You hiss, pushing him away. Ghost smirks, finding the whole situation amusing. König lets go of you, sitting down and sighing, trying to keep his emotions in check as to not cry.

"You heard what the lady said"

"Shatz, please.. i'll do better this ti-"

"Shut up. You cheated on me."

"4 years of dating and you still cheated? Shame on you könig"

König scoffs, turning to ghost and glaring at him angrily.

"I, however, could treat her better."

He whispers, playing with your hair gently, his gloved hands feeling soft and comforting, you felt butterflies and you blush.

"As if. You don't deserve her."

Konig says in a rude tone, holding your hand lovingly. The two men making you a blushing mess and you're screaming in your head.

"guys please- i'm tire-"

"Do you want a snack?"

"I can order you McDonald's if you want"

"I'll buy you anything you want, sweetheart"

"I can go get some water for you"

They cut eachother off, competing for your love. You cant help but blush, turning away and regaining your cool before responding.

"Water and food sounds great"

They give you a smile, both of them walking away to get what you need.

--

The moment they got outside of the room, könig turns to ghost.

"I think she still likes me"

"She blushed at me earlier"

They turn towards eachother

"..you saw her blush at us earlier right?"

"Let's keep this up for a bit, i think she's into us both"

Simon turns to könig with an irritated expression, crossing his arms.

"I'm not sharing."

"Well, neither am i"

"Guess she's going to have to pick then."

--

YEAHHH PART 4 IS OTW YALL <3

there might be smut in the next part..

[sid-the-sandwich]

Ok, so feeling a little underwhelmed by the new lesson teaser, and besides the Simeon FNAF jumpscare at the end, it was basically what we already knew, I thought it may have been like the first mini-lesson or something (not the whole chapter, just one book part)

I wanted to write what I think might happen in the next set of lessons, based on what we saw in the teaser but like... there's nothing much to expand upon. (Go girl give us nothing)

So what I am going to do, is I am going to write a plot for season 3 that I think would be the most outlandish thing ever and that would never happen, based on the little summary we got from the description of the video! so here it is (I'll put a TLDR at the end):

Season 3: False Hope

Returning to the Devildom is hard for MC after the events they just went through, all they want to do now is put their feet up, rest and hang out with their favs

Everything is the best its ever been, despite MC only disappearing for mere minutes in their time, it felt like an eternity and more had passed by them.

The characters' are all constantly happy, everything is bright, warm, exciting, and everyone is in high spirits; even Raphael and Mephistopheles, who once seemed to hate each other, getting along like long-lost best friends.

The characters dote on MC, anything they could have ever wanted is given to them:

MC wants to go out? Mammon and Asmo would happily spend all their money just for them.

MC wants food? Beel happily hands his food to MC.

everything is just... odd

But at first, its nothing notable, sure, the brothers are acting weird, but that's because they are practically family and MC did technically disappear for a while so it fits.

But then... things kept being too convenient, random good luck, people where being nice, very nice; everyone, even Solomon was smiling like nothing happened,

MC is seriously doubting the few months they spent in the past since no one has brought it up since that initial return

its something MC cant shake, everything feels too surface-level, too sweet... too fake,

but the most damning piece of evidence... Simeon was an Angel again. and when asked about it, Simeon avoids the question, suddenly being whisked away by Luke or Raphael very conveniently.

Solomon can now cook good...

MC deduces something is definitely wrong, this isn't the present they left,

MC starts noticing weird oddities, but not with our characters, but rather the landscape around them, whenever MC tries to venture too far out the Devidom, they are brought back to the main city as if the world is wrapping around this city.

MC tries telling the characters that something is wrong, but none listen to them, dismissing MC for having an 'overactive imagination'

it goes so far that the brothers lock us in our room once we are more adamant and threaten to find out the truth by ourself, the brothers saying we just 'need some alone time'.

The brothers periodically check in on MC, seeing if they have 'calmed down' and each time MC badgers on about the same point.

Eventually, MC manages to steal the keys of the bedroom from one of the boys and escapes the House of Lamentation in the middle of the night

MC tries to run, somewhere, anywhere they can think; The demons lord castle? Purgatory Hall? Damn, even Thirteen's cave!

But while running through the woods someone grabs MC rather strongly, covering MC's mouth, its... Solomon?

Solomon shushes MC, signaling MC to the sounds of rustling and voices of other characters looking for MC.

Despite how weird Solomon's been acting since they got back, this time Solomon felt warm, comforting and familiar.

MC crawls, following Solomon's instructions, only to be met by... ANOTHER SOLOMON?

The two Solomon's Brawl using Magic and honestly MC is just confused, because what is even happening?

MC recites a magic spell they know and threatens to shoot one of the Solomon's

Both Solomon's freeze and each say something to plead their case, one Solomon expresses Love for MC while the other says the same thing He said when he first met MC in Nightbringer. MC shoots the first,

Solomon explains how this world is an illusion created by Nightbringer to keep MC away from the present,

With the illusion broken, The world becomes grey and devoid of colour

Hastily, Solomon drags MC back to where the portal in the sky that brought them their, With all the 'fake characters' chasing them, Solomon repeats a very strong spell alongside MC so get transported back

Now they are actually back to the right timeline... or are they?

(Side Note: Originally, the character helping Mc was different, but Solomon made the most sense)

TLDR: MC goes back to the present but it is actually an illusion created by Nightbringer to prevent MC from returning

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

empire of death thoughts+reactions part 1

previously onnnn (super short sdlkfj)

HOP ON, COWBOY

sdlkjs morris a literal 13 year old having guns on his lil' scooter thing.is UNIT ok.

omg even the vlinx TOT

the birds will sings again!!!!!!

dust of death mmm delicious alliteration

"im sorry there's nothing we can do. we're dead" vibes

loving this action sequence ngl

WATCHA TALKING ABOUT

maybe is not [insert character]. maybe mrs flood is just an old lady who is Like This.

"my true name" "ur true maker" whats her true maker if not RTD!!! / clowning

"we've got worse problems" that's gonna come back to bite him skdfljdskl

does anyone remember the clara / 1 paintdoktahwho comic "dont take that one. take the tv"

thats what im thinking ot

(askdjlad UGH my iplayer stopped so i refreshed and while skipping to the place i think i spoiled my self for susan ?? TOT sutpid internet stupid preview skipping thumbnail function grrrr) im not a tardis smasher in general but the memory tardis….. would. maybe

"remember it harder" i would be a useless companion here tbh. memory of a goldfish.i would doom the earth.

IT'S A TV SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S TELLING THE STORY OF YOUR LIFE

I MADE A JIGSAW OF YOUR HISTORY SDKLFJSLKJF

AAAAAGHHH

sdflkdfj sutekh spining in the vortex. 2 cute

the temple……….. tardis as the thing in the hill meta INTENSIFIES

"so many secrest" um TIMELESS CHILD FUGITIVE MEMORIES FOBWATCH????

oh ok i jut got spoiled for the clip OF susan sdlkfjdskl FALSE ALARM FOLKS

"never yours again, never"

my angels of death………………..

"i find that good" i feel they did this same exact phrasing once for a "death is beautiful" monster like this but i cant remember which story?

also, flux? flux anyone? 13 vs entropy itself?

"i am an extinction event" OOF

(oh this clicks on why the doctor clings sm to living / immortality despite how much it hurts)

memory is a time machine TOT idk but that Hits Harder

"sutes" dlkjfslfk cute

"and doesnt it feel good?" holy shit

yayy mel's not dead yet

MEL GRABBING SIX'S COAT IM FINEIM FINE IM FINE

(idk why but that's what's made me cry slkfjsd)

"ruby roo" sdkljsfd

lasdkj if a regular tardis is 6 people driven then a memory tardis is probably meant to be piloted by every single doctor and companion ever

"meleanie b" TOT (doctor trait unlocked: when 15 is stressed he intensifies on the cutsey nicknames)

CHEKOV'S INGELLITEN GLOVE !!!!! damn i thought for a second about putting that on my bingo card but didnt skldfj

i like that the subtext of "when disaster comes, he's there" / "the tardis is an ommen of death" & "he has one constant companion… death" isn't literally being stated as being "sutekh did it lol" lol cause that would feel a lil cheap. i think instead rtd took a smarter choices of keeping that subtext, but keeping it that stricly speaking what sutekh did was just putting the susan copies everywhere.

73 yards……………

omg wait so in a memory tardis u can remmeber anything to existence………….. what if heiimagines susan at the end

(MOLECULAR BOND ROGUE CALL BACK?)

73 yards…………. HOW DO U KNOW THAT. I JUST DO. SHE'S JUST GOOD AT CONVERTING UNITS DAMN. LET RUBY BE GOOD AT UNIT CONVERSIONS DOCTOR.

ohh wait so this connects perception filters and 73 yards. put on a pin on that (and presumably……. taking down the perception filter is what happened re: ruby? that's why people ran away? people saw beyond her perception filter to the elderitch abomination bellow?)

"you've landed on earth a 100th times" is probably a huuude understimation lol

"she was reborn stronger each time. this monumental figure" dr. who as a cultural institution meta

shots outside the tardis my beloved

1999….. the movie... 2005 …. obvious. 1066 was the fire of london right? with 5?

this is rlly working for me ngl. dr who is all about death meta but it's literal but it's not

and a lso the whole. when u are a time traveler everyone is already dead. we must be like ghosts to u . etc etc

telos… THE OOD SPHERE noooo

mel being like "well…. at least 1% of the universe is fine. that's all right then" .

this |5 "it's all my fault" beat feels a lil' weird until u remember [all the traumas] / flux trauma and then it's like yeah i getchu doc i too take everything bad that happens as proof that it is my fault even tho, factually, it makes no sense as a reaction. trauma/depression girlies united.

THE SUN IS DEAD. rip 42's sun.

omg thank u sutekh for finally fixing that over-blue colorization in the unit set. not all heroes wear capes tbh.

aaaand the end.

fade to black.

doctor who is done! we can all go home and become trekkies everybody. congrats!

[girlhorse]

Wait im having sad complicatrd thoughrs again and i dont have a therapistm tumblr post.imminent

cancer cw

i grw up with family dying from cancer left and right. my family was older and so a lot of it was age related

but it was just my reality for a long time

thru adulthood really

and i always thought the scariest was brain cancer! fucking brain cancer. no one in my family ever had it and it seemed like it was rare nd id never find out what itd be like to go through seeing a loved one suffer from it. and of course its my fucking mom. my mom who i love to the moon and back. my mom who I've had a lot of disputes with and a lot of trauma around bc of her freaking boyfriend.

my mom who has always been the capable and strong and smart person of the family. she was supposed to stay around to help me buy my first house and help me with a serious relationship and see kids if i ever got any (adopt probably) and go to a wedding and shit. ajd now its all so uncertain if she'll even make it past another year.

another fear i had growing ip beyond just death of my parents (i alwyas knrw my parents were old compared to peers, they didnt have my brother and i until their 40s) was related to cognitive decline like Alzheimer's/dementia/etc. And im now facing it head on with a fucking terminal brain cancer. what the fuck is my fucking life man. Im trying to he so strong. but my smart and strong mom cant even type without making fucking gibberish nonsense and her hand falls in her food and she pisses herself and cant fucking walk anymore and i hate my fucking life

despite everything she still finds the stremght to joke around and laugh and eat and care for everyone that is impacted by this and i hate it so much. i can only sit here and make her comfortable in the moment and hope she can make it a little longer..or if im daring for more, hope theres a fucking miracle cure out in the next few months or something . Lol

lmfao

through all this fucking bullshit i have to fucking put up with my fucking step dad i hate his guts hes.not helping her in the way he could be becauseue feels like he has to control everything ajd hes too afraid to let her try OT and PT andhe thinks shes end stage for some fucking reason amd he keeps reminding me of that and i want him to explode for real!

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

Thank you to everyone

The fire seems to have been electrical and started in the kitchen. No appliance was on or used in the last 24hrs so it might have been the qiring itself.

My beautiful girl was asleep when she succumbed to smoke and wasnt burned, when they found her. She just Went apparently. After a days distance, i take that a s consolation.

She is with the pet funeral service as they are goi g to cremate her, and she will return in a scatter box to be buried under a tree or plant that suits her personality when the grief is less like a throbbing wound.

Theres a cat tree comingfor her and i think it will be devastating when it arrives. So stupid, i know.

The whole place is torched. Even items not directly hit by flame are smoke damaged or crumble to the touch.

All my books, my clothes, the furniture. And i dobt really care. Its stuff,i will start again bc i have family and friends willing to help

But if i could have had one thing saved, it would have been my bubba, my little girl Zarya my family is distraught over her loss too, they saw her most weekends and when they visited. She was The Baby.

And of all things i was able to save something silly. A little tapastry thing id seqn to hang my badges on. Zarya 'helped' by trying to sit onit with the pins in and was offended when i moved her.. teenagers right? And then helped by playing Attack each time i moved itto putthe badges on.

I will miss her silliness and playful spirit.

Most of them were smoke coated but it came off well enough, a few are still damaged but i am going to try with a rough cloth or something. I cant replace most of them, they were from random kickstaers and shops and such over the years.

I have no undies and myboots melted and my daughter died and all my comics and manga are destoyed... buti got some of my badges back. Stupid isnt it?

The biggest issue is that mosthad thoselittle rubber backs and no qmount of scrubbing will remove the smokey firey smell from them meaning they arent safe to keep. Havr to replace them, have to get new things. Thinking about the safest wayto dispose of them i trash to prevent them ending upchoking fish or wildlife etc

And i think thats the worst part of grief, i have lost people and pets before to time or illness, but never anything like this. So young, so unexpected. So random.

The guilt eats you alive qith WHAT IFs and Could i have's...

There are moments you sob u controllably at a thought like knowing shell never snuggle up in bed like she did every night before... and then moments where everything is neutral and quiet and average. And you feel guilt for actingg like nothing has happened.

Life has to go on, but it hurts to see the wheels turning when shes noton the train anymore.

I have family qho i can be with, qork who will help me find somewhere new to stay as they hold the leases, and coworkers and friends who are sourcing things. I am luckier than many, 3ven with most things gone.

Its just that theres a switch inside that will hit grief at random times, and then snap back to nromalacy for hours until another reminder comes through.

Its so.stupid.

Its not fair and its fucking awful, but it happened and nothing can change it or bring her back. And that is just how random and cruel thw world can be.

My computer was annihilated so the typos are likely all through this. Its silly ut the idea of posting on social media where my friends and mutuals ive had for years are felt selfgratuitous in the worst way.

And over a day from the incident, i feel like srolling through tumblr ot twitter or whatever else is degrading her memory bc thats a normal activity, etc

Which is silly, but grief and anxiety and guilt are all buily into the same package and you never know which one will pop outof the box when the handles cranked.

But again, thank you for holding her little face in your hearts and memories.

She remains so fucking loved its like a physical pain, and that will never change. Forever the baby girl, forever Zarya.

[khaleesiofalicante]

Okay so yesterday I had a great bonding time with my mum, everything was great and I told myself I could wait until Saturday to read the new chapter. Spoiler Alert: I didn't. There are many thoughts that haunt me but I would like to talk about one of them: I feel like David cared more about what was in that diary than what Max had to tell him, and to a certain extent I get it. I mean I get like that too sometimes, I care about books and characters like they were real people and their pain is my pain and all of it is kinda messed up but I really get it. I just... I just think he needs to come back to reality. Because his kids don't belong in the show and the man he loves doesn't just exist as Micheal, they are all real and he can have them and it just feels like he is too afraid to take them or he feels like he can no longer have them. And the latter seems more possible, given how adamant he was that Max didn't love him anymore... I just think they're all really hurt and no one can see the big picture and that's not good. Plus sometimes I feel like David freezes. Like, in the flashbacks he is more open to showing his feelings, he laughs he teases he gets drunk he cries and he cries a lot and I don't mean that as a bad thing, it means he expresses himself without shame and that's wonderful but now he doesn't. He doesn't yell( except that one Mona time) he doesn't cry he just stares and its freaking me out. And I think the way you have written his character is really well handled, I mean we get to see things he does and says but not his thoughts or his perspective, how he feels about spending time with the kids and Max or Jaden or anything really. Don't get me wrong, I love Max in IALS, I really do,and I really get things from his perspective, i cant imagine how I would react if someone else was raising my kids, let alone the whole show/Jaden situation(I feel like David told Mallory that in order to protect the kids and not because he actually believes its his kids and not theirs but thats a different discussion)but he is more transparent than David.You have taken a character whose feelings were very easy to read in every other reality you have him and in this one you have made a mystery out of him and I think that shows real talent so hat's off to you. I just can't wait for the chapters where we get to see David's feelings and opinions on the current time line, because sometimes it feels like he lives without reacting, like his real life is the movie and the show is his reality, and I dont even know what I'm saying at this point. So to sum up, IALS has destroyed me ,my thoughts go a million miles a minute with theories and speculations and pain and hope(because hope is for the fools) and once again thank you and your talent for making me have... feelings, ugh!

I read this thrice. Three fucking times.

And I'm obsessed with it. As a writer, I know I put a lot of thought into what I write. But it never ceases to amaze me how much thought you guys put into reading these stories. It's overwhelming. Thank you.

You are absolutely right in the fact that David's narrative in the story (except for the flashbacks) is simply him reacting to situations. I once read somewhere that there is a difference between living and existing. I feel David just exists. He isn't living. He isn't alive. He almost feels like one of the characters from his show. Someone who is not real.

Even though his povs are so simple and straightforward, I find them the hardest to write. Because I have to make sure I don't write the way I LBAF David or any other Davids. It's a weird process. To write a character who feels so much and feels so freely as someone who is almost emotionless.

But I promise you he will feel again. You see, David stopped feeling when he lost something important. And he will start feeling again, not when he gets it back (you don't necessarily need closure to heal), but when he loses something again. And it makes him feel the pain, and every other emotion he keeps inside himself.

We are extremely close to getting closure. Well, not closure. But we are extremely close to understanding his part of the story. I know we get flashbacks from him, but every flashback says more about Max than it says about David. But it's going to change now :)

See you Saturday. It's an important chapter x

[ddontyyoukknow]

life. literally ike being taken my the tide. im good im bad im good im bad. its been weird because soemtimes there are days when my brain locks the good vibes into place and im happy for a few weeks up to a few months and other times the hapiness is gone as fast as it came. adn its so unpredictable. i dont know how to deal with it. i recenlty came out of a few month so feeling amazing. where i my dp was still resent but not something i focused on and now im in the gutter again. i cant quiet get ahold of my emotions. everytime i think of my brother being unkind to me in hurts a little worst. when youre in that statem of mind its like youre sticky to all the cruelty of the world and i think about my brother alot. how if i made more money he might want to visit me but right now he doesnt. how my dad is so hot and cold with me. how i need to treat him with patienc elike if he were a tempermental child. when he cant for the life of him figure out how to reach out to me and act like he cares. but there again goes the cultiral difference. he wants us to almost bow down to him but i dont think he is the end all be all of reason. i have my own opinions i dont wan to bow down i want ot talk back and make my thought s heard and not be treated like a fucking nusaince. you treated me like that for long enough but a shift of energy will decide how long that remians. and i hope. achange of enery will come soon. i want to be powerful and in control of myself a dn know deep in my core that noone can change me. i am the only one in control of me. no angry dad can bring me down. and when inm there all you did will be irrelevant. bcaie i will be where i ambecaise of what oyu made me go thougt adn o will understna dmy journey. and my body will come back to earth and i wont have to be dissociated anymore. and i can speak my truth i can do i as i please and i will be happy. and i can be that now. why not. and i will work the knots out of my brain and i will get there. i want ot be happy. thats all i want. im sorry you werent. i will be. i am removing your bad vibes from my history. i have been so string i know who i am and i dont care how muc hyou want me to calm downa dnhow much im at a lost for word and how scare din might feel i will rise to the occasion and i will be the person i know i really am. not a scared girl. a girl that walks in the world with ease and light and love and hapniess and confidence. i want to be me. take my squashed heart from when i was 5 years old and hold it in my hands and sew it back together. and pump it back full of air. and it will be mine. all mine. my story adn my life. not thanks to you, but despite of you. and maybe my little cousnis who are hurting the way your sibiling hurt them can grab their hearts and mend them as well. and hopefully they cna also be happy nad feel loved. and this whole mess of a dysfunctional family can all be forgotten. we can leave it all behind and jist be happy and remeber who we all really are. if not in life then for sure in death. i know at least that guarenteed, then , everyone will know and realize their real hearts were never broken and they were always ok. and at least in dealth they can find their broken hearts and i know at some point everyone will grba their heats and sew them upa dn put it back in their chests. and they will be happy and compassionate and full of love. i see it now. i think not only is it possible but most of them probably didnt loose as much of their hearts. and maybe i can learn to ask for help. i am going through this on my own. i would love to talk to my brother if he werent so judgemntal of me. i want to be love and light and ease and i know he will be kind t be sooner rather than later. i will try alchemy. and all will be well

[indigo474]

they say the the right one comes along when you least expect it. they.. who is they? maybe there is no right one.. my lover is being sketchy as hell and i'm kind of over it and him. he texted me that he wanted to do things with me.. in my head i thought he meant like things.. stuff, activities.. he meant sex.. my soul wants and needs more than just sex. i want the whole package. someone i can call and tell them about my day.. hear about their day and just share life with. the sex is so good and i'm honestly thinking i won't find that again.

work has been horrendous- dealing with my bitch coworker. it's so triggering for me because dam if her behavior isnt like that of x's.. what is it about me that makes me a target for this type of person? i am perceived as being weak. is it my kindness? i'm a pretty transparent person in work and I dont know.. but ive had issues with this person from the beginning.. shes been with the company for 20+ years but trans to my location around when i started. i saw Marci yesterday and told her what happened this week and she said -- there is a major HR case against the person and the company is trying to force her out by having her take an early retirement. I called my manager and let her know what went down-on thursday.. i also met with her on tuesday and told her the nonsense that happened while she was on vacation. I let her know both times i didnt want to do anything as of yet just wanted to let her know what was happening. she was very very supportive and she basically told me to continue to document everything and have my rep do the same. so, i guess i'll see what happens on Monday.

i have no idea what im doing today and really really need to find something to occupy my time- like a job.. if i could work the OT at my job id be working weekends. i cant stand not having anything to do..

[spongythedollyteapartyfan-blog]

Nostalia as college  degree or online  taxon  data, geocites ves, myspace  vs,  facebook  vs twitter verse tumblr, 

now we can only  have one accoutn on  a platform , lol, ( or  so we think) we cant act like the  trolls who  trolled us, in the same context as  Homestuck taught us,

actually, post war 1950 comics, in  repeated  high  school  and  college  university  examinations were tried and  tried again, to   be  used, to find the  voices of each  generation, just  as  Homestuck taught us, 

, themes are similar to my grandparents  games of  word  games, saduko, talking back and trolling culture, the trolls are after a  harvest of  data,

then  yes, most of it  doesnt work on a 1990 , 1980  audeince, as they were trolled to the  point of avoidence,  Disney  trolled us more, Niceoldieon  trolled us more, no 1980, 1990 person would actively want ot  get  trolled by a skilled  troll, we  give  wrong  answers all the time, , we were th e generation of 1990 ″ hmm,  yeah naa, but no”

in some instances a  tv show  or movie gave a particular culture  a  voice,  but then it  took it  back, the  Simpsons  gave native indigenous cultures a point ot  say, hey, they are mentioning  the  trashing of   the world and the neglect of  values,

the voice of the voiceless,  was the  troll paradise,

, in 1960 , 1970, 1980, 1990 audiences were too busy on our community clean ups, we went out with a bag each month to  clean up  our water ways, and then the governments  made a law to  stop average  citezins  form cleaning public land, so they  got people jobs ot  do the jobs we  did  for  free, and the the  council  worker  would troll us  and  follow us and stalk us  for  doing thier  job on their  day off , on a  weekend, on thier  day off, saying :LOL you again, i can do  a better job”

so then we  went online,  sick of   people trolling us and stalking us,

til then the governement worker realised where we  were and went online and  made  laws ot  stop us  being online, having  made us asll logging onto  a governemnt  database to   show our  locations day in day out in 2020,. what a  troll situation we have  gotten oueselves into, feeding trolls and   the  twitter,  thought, ah well we  dont  need peopel who  know  what  trolling  behaviour of  data  collection is, so ,  get them off twitter  before they tell the    mindless zombies what is  happening, , we  want  real answers, not,  tea pot poets,  sucking on  lemon tea, , as a few trolls  describe me as a  cave   dwelling   pixie,” 

hey  didint we  learn  form  30  years of internet,  1980 1990 2000;s  the  etiquette  rules were, “ dont   reveal our identities”,  dont  give location,  dont  do  mindless time online,  letting a  data  app know  why  you swipes left and  right, 

but  sure we  put  our information into   “homestuck name finder”, , “what  percentage of  troll  are  we,”  what  taxon data   . “:homestuck  fanfiction  generator “

for  1990 internet, we were too busy on

1 chat forums and

2 internet  games ( that took 2 hours ot load) and  5 to 30  minutes ot play

and

3,  9 to  5  job,

4,and planning a gardening landscape type job for their parents retirment home, as it was the in thing to walk around  town collecting   garbage,

some peopels  garbage was  like a nostalgia  trip,  walking around in the garbage   dump pit at the  end of the  street , where  people  dumped all their collectables, then,  we  would   have had such a wonderous  supply of information,

and then  the  same govemerment troll who found out, now owns a nostaligia shop, with everything  we  threw out of our house from when we  were  kids to  adults,,

the point about 1990s was that it  was pure mass produced saturation, to the  point  everyone  had bart simpson underwaer, shirts, hats

the lisa  simpson  motivaiton of  going to college,  was  also a  motivaiton of many

..,our assignments at university / college in 1980/ 1990 was  to  examine our own clique, we had  just gotten out of the  mod, or hippie era of classic  batman puns about saving the  world and  bouregouisee. vs corporate culture, non of us  joined the corporate  culture, so , or  own  circle of  friends, the  nerd, the goth, the mods, we were too busy, creating our own fanfictions in 1990 as well,

our  colege  course in 1980 / 1990  depended on self, other and  community, , self identity,community identity, not  realising that, the governement troll  was hoping  we  would get  a job out of  our “nostalgia  degrees” in looking into  our pasts, we would not  have had a clue the troll was after a nostalgia hit,  , to have realised what movies and tv shows were about in 1990 to  feed the troll,  

but we  did our  best to  tarnish all the past,  lol,

but  middway through 1990, 1998,  when the  internet  took  hold and  everyone  was online , well 25% of the   world online, ,

(side note),, in also most  govemrnets in free nations like america and  australia UK canada, banned studies of popular culture and history, so the  governement troll, took a  deep dive into  every university course around th e world, and  got  paid to  do that job of  trolling,

 during a global university  crack  down on  college degrees where the end result was, , us, of the  trolled audeince, we were the data worth  finding  for, so our jobs ended up as online  blogging, travel bologs,  all  day for  40 years,

lol its fun and its fun to  have many variations of  ourselves online,

so, yes, some of the  1990;s culture of  repeat  1950 post  war  Batman, marvel,  super heroes ,  crime fighting  ninja  schools of displaced, and oppressed individuals,  who had no  friends in   real life and

we only knew people online, we  didint  know  our  neighbour,  is the  genre of  connection that  most  1990 audiences  knew about,  

the only people Homestuck would trigger is the parents of the 1990 teenagers without  headphones  like that are readily available in  2022,

“ parents i assume who  had to  listen to repeat showing of said nostaligia  “ lampshading”

one movie example would be the movie  Pearl Habour, with its loudness and, love theme nostalgia for the  1940 crowd, who  have  since moved on from the  nursing home to  be  replaced by  50  year olds,  who love their classic  1980, 1990 shows, that  dan schnieder  churns out on  nickelodian .lol

nursing home  

dental plan,

Disney owns all,. yet one thing  that, a troll never understands, is that online life is  way different ot the person who does the  data entry, its  why, the money  made from   civid lockdown caused a  global recession, cos  just like homestuck, there are over,  870K gender identies online,  enough  to  give  a troll  of internet life of data entry a many “matrix obsession”,  of too many lose ends, no real  data matched the  real  data, that  covid  tracing  tried to  find, i think that is the best  lesson learnt  form  current Homestuck  stories and fanfiction generated plot lines , and  gaming  culture, that,  recite the lines in the fanfictions as well

Name Llamamiji  Brood

Blood color: deep blue Lusus: a rook Interests: zombie films Trollian handle: crookedTinker Strife specibus: axkind God Tier: Maid of Void Land: Land of Valleys and Artifacts Consorts: purple newts Denizen: Hecate Dreams on: Derse

[silencedsouls]

Forgive the improper grammar but I needed release. This is a safe place for those who feel they need to be silent on what they feel.

Breathing

So easy yet so heavy

Second nature yet it's become suffocating

What am i to do when you were my reason?

What am I to do when i can only sit here

My chest becoming restricted

I feel everything yet nothing at all.

It's heavy

This ache i hold inside my chest.

The place you once sat

The place i wanted to hold you forever

It hurts

Why does it still hurt, I suppose I will never understand.

Yet, why can’t i let you go.

You’ve moved along

Yet i sit here still grieving

My head spinning

Tormenting me with these thoughts

These memories of only you.

Why is it only you

Day in

Day out

It is only you.

What more can I do?

Who can I go to?

My chest cavity feels empty yet over bearing

It’s like ive forgotten to breath

Why am I suffocating

All these smiles

Pretty sweet lies

Crowded places

Their voices are screaming bur I hear nothing

Feel nothing

No one to my side

I want to scream

I want to cry

But these walls are too thin

This place is not my home

I am not comfortable here

I hate being alone

I hate this pain

My mind has darkened

Ive begun second guessing

That day, was it worth it staying

Accepting this second chance

Why was i given it, thats what i use to think but now, i feel it was just a mistake.

Yet i would have never met you. Would that have been a good thing

I don’t knoe my place anymore. I’ve lost my footing

I use to know this roads, yet ive become lost

As if ive never been here before but i know this street all too well.

Im fine

Thats the lie always ready on my tongue.now adays

Everythings fine. I swear I’ll be alright

But this pain isnt okay.

This heart ache shouldnt remain

Youve moved on yet im stuck here

Stuck in the past

Stuck on the things that ive already lost

I feel like i wasnt enough

Im still not

These marks arent just natural

I want to make them more

I second guess who would miss me

I second guess my place

I wan tto get rid of this pain

Represents dont seem to work

Im afraid only one thing will

Ive been wanting to try it

Hoping for the void to call and win

Its gotten close

Closer than id like to admit.

Yet no one will ever know.

No one would ever see

Ive become an actor

A smile plastered on my face even as my chest pulls tight.

Yet, after my door closes, and im alone for the night.

The bottle spills and i lose my self once again.

Its become harder to find me

Who even am i

Who do i want to be

Do i even want to be alive anymore

Its become harder to find reason to remain

Im sorry that ive grown darker

I was hoping it would only be a phase

But this doesnt seem to want ot pass

Its become permanent

Something i cant just chase away

I want to act happy but its becoming harder as the days pass.

Why does it take such petty means to have someone listen

I hate being alone

Thats when my thoughts want to scream

Want to dig their claws into me.

Theyve become more persistent

Louder

Stronger

Theyve become many

They were once few.

I could handle them

But ive been struggling

I was better

So i thought

But it seems i was just prolonging whats inevitable.

Whats written in stone it seems

Im tired of it

Im tired of living

Im tired of trying

Im tired of guessing

Im

Tired,

Self wallowing

Thats become my favorite pass time

My favorite hobby

It takes up all the free time i gave left.

This act

Its becoming more and more difficult

Its starting to sleep but im done pretending

Maybe this time. It will be the last.

Im tired of bleeding through this invisible wound

I want to make it end

I want to release this pressure but it will never be enough.

I want to be free but how can one be free from their own mind.

[wocrunomgcp]

I recently saw a post about how those pop up kids castles technically qualify as a sukkah, and I'm just cackling at the thought of Holster folding himself into one on the porch of Haus 2.0. Somehow pumpkin shaped fairy lights are involved and he attempts to rope Ransom into sitting inside with him.

[novacqnes]

jinx x fem!reader reverse comfort. reader has been nothing but kind and supportive to her only to have their own anxiety attack and wonder if she's good enough for jinx much to jinx' own surprise.

—reassurance with jinx

warning: anxiety attack

pairing: jinx x fem reader

a/n: thank you for the request!

Every relationship had some sort of dynamic— a structure that held it together, and kept it functioning. Jinx and your relationship was no different. You were often the glue that held it together and ninety-nine percent of the time Jinx as well. She had a rough past but nevertheless you were patient with her and supported her even when she didn’t believe in herself.

Overtime it became your unspoken role in the relationship to be the “strong one.” You made sure Jinx was alright and taken care of, it was your way of proving to yourself that you were good enough for her. But you knew it was only a matter of time before she would see right through it.

You were responsible for distributing the shimmer to those in the lanes, but your main target was the teens. Silco had specifically instructed you to pursue those who had no one to look out for them because it was easier to get them hooked. Which meant more money for him. And you knew better than to jeopardize business.

Like usual you sought Silco’s main clientele before looking for new victims when you came across a particularly frail kid. The kid laid on the side of the road and like many other citizens of the undercity it was clear that he didn’t have much time left. He was deteriorating. You constructed the script in your head as you made your way over to the the boy.

“Hey, kid,” You called out to get his attention but he didn’t say anything, he didn’t even move.

You tried again,” Hey! Wanna see something?”

Nothing.

You got closer to boy as he laid on the pavement, motionless. His face wasn’t visible so you lifted the cloak covering it to reveal a cluster of purple tumors on the side of his head. You stumbled backwards, dropping the Shimmer capsule you hoped to give him on the ground.

He was beyond disfigured which meant he’d used it multiple times, enough to leave him dead. You didn’t know the boy, but it didn’t really matter the sight of his weak, lifeless body was enough to leave you horrified and terribly guilty. You abandoned the rest of the shimmer running back to the one place you felt safe.

When you got home you were on the verge of tears struggling to put together a sentence as you heart beat rapidly out of your chest. You hoped Jinx wasn’t home, you didn’t want her to see you like this. Then she’d think- no she’d know you weren’t good enough for her.

Pictures of the boy, the shimmer, and Jinx flashed in your mind as you could feel the air escaping from your lungs. As if on cue Jinx emerged from the room you shared together to find you clutching your chest as you gasped for air. She frantically rushed over to your side brushing the hair from your face as you bent over.

“I c-cant breathe.” You stuttered, clutching onto Jinx’s hand as she soothingly rubbed your back.

“Shh, don’t talk just relax.”

The two of you had gone through this millions of time with the roles reversed. You knew the steps like the back of your hand, talking her through it, reassuring and comforting her. But now that it was you, you couldn’t help but feel like you were inadequate. Jinx helped your breathing steady, bringing you a glass of water. Before laying your head in her lap.

“Wanna tell me what happened.” She asked.

You fought back tears as you thought back, remembering the dead boy alone as he laid on the side of the street. Jinx wiped them away with the pad of her thumb, her blue eyes flickering between yours.

“I saw this boy, tried to get him to take some of the shimmer and when I walked up to him I saw that he was dead. He he had tumors all over his face, couldn’t have been older than thirteen.”

“You feel guilty?”

“A little.” You admitted, your eyes darting to the other side of the room.

You held back the other piece of information. It was one thing to believe you weren’t good enough for Jinx and it was another thing for her to know. You feared it would send her into the realization that you in fact weren’t good enough. After your meltdown you felt she might as well have just said it to your face.

“You’re holding something back.”

“What?” You could feel the heat rushing to your cheeks as you lifted your head from her lap

She remained adamant, “Y/n, I can see it on your face, you can’t even look me in the eye.”

You knew you couldn’t lie your way out of this, she would always know.

“Am I good enough, for you?” You mumbled, doing your best to avoid Jinx’s concerned gaze.

She shook her head in disbelief, “Of course you are, why would you ask me that?”

You sputtered,“E-even after what just happened? I was a mess!”

“Hun, not to make this a competition but I think I have you beat there.” She giggled.

Jinx reached for your hand noticing how it continued to tremble even after your breathing had settled. She clasped it in hers bringing it up to her lips to plant a soft kiss on it.

She sighed, “I know you think you have to be this unbreakable force in our relationship. But you don’t always have to be. Your shit, even the ugly parts of it are mine.”

You could feel yourself slipping into your own world, one where it was just the two of you.

“You hear me? You’re more than enough.” She cooed.

Something about hearing Jinx reassure you sent a warm, comforting feeling through your body. You’d forgotten what it felt like to be loved that way, without any false expectations or fear. Even after witnessing your anxiety attack you’d never felt closer to Jinx than you did then. She didn’t judge you, she accepted you- all of you unconditionally.

[ddontyyoukknow]

Life of a scared girl. I look around me an am constantly lookig for examples of what o. want to be and how ai wan tot change becasue ive never beenable to jsut be. jus tbe happy with who i am and where i am i ahe been in a perpatual state of nagging at myself and of being unhappy with myself. when it snot with myself its with my surroundings. and i canst jsut let it go and not think about it becua i comes back pretty consistatly. so i become obsessed and overanalyze. im ike a scientist dissecting myself. why must i act so? and i jusge myself so so harshly. i dont let myself be. I overanalyze and i become paralyzed. oveanaylyzing kills all joy and freedom. i decide i must be a robot i must act only basad ona. scheuale in order ot be the most productiv epossiboe in order to reach my goals. yet i forget that the only reason i want these goals is becasue i think ill be happy if i have them. that feeling. becasue i know proving things ot other people means nothing i mam only tryiong to be tryilu hsppy in my heart. and my heart wants enough money to eat out when i want and to affored rent and to be able to only paint and hang out with my friends that what i want my life to be. a nd thats hwat i think happiness is. but in isolation, that feeing is reachable right now. I can be happy right now for i am blessed. i do not want to dilute myself int o being a consumption monster and forget all the luxuries i ge to lavish in. that is bliss. that is happniess. not to forget how abundanct i really am and pretend i am not. and so i rememebr that. and so ia am happy. adn so then i get triggered and the rotten thought infect my brain completley unpercicved. like ti dont notice. like they are at home when they arrive and i dont even notice. and then im mad im unhappy im in comaplianmode again of mysef of the world until i become bitter and shut down and off. i think in my youth when this would be the time i would have suididal thoughts my brain never did, becuase my dad would joke about people who did. he would see them as weak and low life. and since all i really wanted was his attention it didnt seem like it woupd even help. like why cant you take off your suit and really see me. im right here needing you. you've never really seen me. all you see if youself and you hate that. thats why you never treated me like a daughter only ever like a son. i reminded you too much of youself. i was not docile as a young lady ought to be. and so you hated that. you didnt hate me but you were hard pressed to act like you did care. when i wrote the zine to leo i put a line about you in there because i knew you would never read it. and maybe because i was amaericanized did i ever come to expect something liek that of you becasue in amaerican culture parents coddle their kids. i dont think either clture is right or wrong i jus tthink i was confused adn ti think i also have the option to just tell you you're mentioned in it. but you wouldnt like it. that why i dont tell you and thats why the two culture are different. In our cuture we have a superiority complex with the parents when i wish you coudl just see me for me for a second. like stand on mym level and not act all high and mighty like tyou know it allk adn i dont know anything. giv eme my place, i wan tot be rich so you can finally maybe see me as a person just like you. not less than. so i cant tak to you and you werent reating me like you neede to give me advice. just isten. and i wis i culd commmunicat ethis with you without you seeing it as an attack. the eggshells around you are plentiful. and you live to hear a crack. thats what youre attuned to. and thats the cycle. fine. trigger. bad. and when im bad i feel ike the whole worls had concanved aorunf me. i dont see an out. and at somepoint i find it. time varies but most of the time im in a werid fluxuating state where my conciousness doesnt decide what leg im standing on so in one hour my state of mind goes from neutral to worried to anxious to hopeful to happy to sad to stressed to nautral to hopeful over and over. it slike im fighting for my

[myparadisechaos]

Meet

Steven Grant x Male!Reader

Part 1/8

Masterlist

Summary:

The end of one thing can be the beginning of another. And newly out of a reashonhsip Y/N Walker meets clumsy gif shop-ist Steven Grant on a Trip to London and Y/N might just start to belive in love again.

Warnings (kinda): Like 2 secs of Marc, the reader recently got out of a bad relationship,

Heartstopper Characters but you don't need to gave watched the series to understand :D

Few references tho

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Y/N's Pov*

"Do we have to go?"

Tao asks Elle, moving closer to her as if that were possible.

"Yes! Plus I heard there is a Egyption exhibit on"

She turned to look at me, I had one earbud in, I was listening to 'What's it gonna be?' by Shura, but my attention is quickly grabbed by the mention of my current obsession.

" Wait really! Do you think they have anything on Taweret! She's the goddess of-"

"Uhhh"

Tao groans, Elle shuts him up wriu a kiss, leaving him a blushing mess.

"Hey you can't tell us of for PDA and pull shit like that!"

Charlie buts in from behind me.

"Well i think it's only fair now if-"

Nick didn't finish before Charlie pulled him in for a kiss.

"Guys! Stop making me feel so alone! Paris was bad enough! Plus you know about Aaron!"

"That was years ago!"

Darcy takes out her ear bud from the headphones she's sharing with Tara.

"Paris not Aaron, thats pretty bad"

Darcy mumbles after Tara nudged her.

"Still! And Issacs isn't here to vent to!"

I move on from the Aaron comment

"You mean to say your problems while Isaac ignores you and read whatever book his engrossed in!"

Tara adds, laughing at the word 'engrossed'

Before i can think of a response Elle speaks up.

"Guys! Look"

I look to where Elle was poiting and my eyes lit up.

"Look! They have a poster up for the exhibit! Wait.."

I walk faster in front of the group, in my rush to inspect the poster i bump into a stranger.

"Oh sorry"

I turn back to see surprising handsome stranger.

"Dont worry about it"

His accent makes him evern more attractive then i thought. When he looks up to meet my eyes i get a bettet look at his face i see his messy curly brown hair, alough it looks like he had just rolled out of bed it still made him look almost impossibly handsome. His beautiful brown eyes seam to grow even bigger the more i look at him.

"Y/N!!"

I here Tao shout, i look behind me to find the him standing at the doorway already, i thought i was ahead of them, how long have i been standing here?

"Oh sorry nice.. speaking to you"

I walked away, i slightly run up the stairs to meet Tao

"You mean staring, you barely did much talking"

Tao says mockenly as we walk through the doors.

"Shut up a grumble, my mood immediately picked up when i see the exhibit, i see the rest of the group looking at a sarcophagus, something inside me takes controll ad i walk over. Next thing i knew i was explaing eveythinh in so much detail, i wasnt even sure if everyone was listenig but i didnt care. I talked about how theu temoved evey oragn but the heart, as they belived they needed that to be judged in the underworld and that Taweret would guide them through and if you where worthy you would soend eternity in the peace in the Feild of Reed and if not your soul would be claimed buy the duat.

"Wow Y/N, you should really become a tour guide"

Elle says, i realise now she wad probably the obly one thats listening, Tao was clearly bored, but obviously wanyed to be close to Elle, holding her hand and playing with her hair. Tara looks like shes tring to look like shes listening but i can tell shes bored and Darcy is not hiding she would rather be anywhere but here, and Nick and Charlie were nowhere to be found.Alough they are me freinds and have been for so long i cant help but feel sad they wernt listening.

"Hey guys look!"

I turn around to see Nick and Charlie in the Gift, Nick shop, holding up a stuff Taweret.

"Oh my god!!"

I rush ovet and snatch ot from Nick and look at it with a goody smile on my face, the rest of the group follow behind.

"Guys! I have to buy this"

"Y/N its so over priced!"

Elle says, looking slightly concerned but is smirking at something, i try to brush it off untill i see everyone else doing the same.

"..why is overprice so funny?"

I ask, then the thoughts settle in, they where obviously laughing at me, my stuiped obsession with this. I shoudnt have gone on that rant i shoudnt have been to excited about a stuiped plush toy god im so s-

"Exuse me"

I turn round to see a blond women with a thick accent looking annoyed at me, i look at her name tag 'Donna' it reads.

"Are you gonna buy that because i have actual customer's and your in the way"

Bitch

"Actually i am"

I leave the group and walk over to the countet and place the stuffed animal on from before... and holy shit. Its the handsome strangers from before

"Hello again"

He says, not looking at me but at the stuffed Taweret, scanning it and tapping the screen. I look at his name tag

'Steven'

"Hi Steven"

I say, he looks up from the screen and seams caught of guard. Oh my gosh iv messed up.

"Ohmygodimsosorrythatwassoweirdandimsorryiju-"

"Hi Y/N"

Now its my turn to look shoked.

"Your freind called it out before, can i ask you looked to be in a rush?"

"Oh yeah.. well its..just and im not trying to slag of marketing! But um.. there is only 6 gods on the poster for the Enned but-"

"Theres supposed to be 7"

Oh my god.

Gods making up for the disaster that was Aaron by sending me this perfect man. Well, lets i just hope he like boys, and is single, who am i kidding no matter his sexuality he cant not be taken, i mean who woudnt. Hes cute. He lives Egyptian Mythology, at least i think or im over romanticising this but i cant help it.

"Yeah...and i wanted to make sure i counted right before i complaind to my friends but.. i dont think theyd.. never mind"

Alough he is positively the the most beautiful person i bearly even known

"No..its fine um that will be £20"

Wow. Talk about being over priced. But im here now and im and NOT going to back down, even as a broke collage student.

"Wow.. okay um.."

I fumble around in my green day wallet, i must have £20 somewhere maybe it i-

"Wait.. its on me"

I look up

"No.. Steven you dont have to i have here id i just-"

"If you feel bad you could buy me dinner"

Did his accent just change? It sounded American?? Must just be nerves.

"Yes!"

I blut out, maybe to fast, Steven probably looks more confused than me, but then it dawn on me im obly in town for a week, well 3 more days.

"But.. im visiting, i suppose we can ho out tonight and if it goes well we can keep in touch"

"Oh really?"

Steven looks disappointed, guilt eats me up even though its not my fault im dont live here,gosh im considering MOVING just to be with a man who i am yet to even go on a date with yet, but im heartbroken and hes hot.

"Um what hotel are you staying in? Ill pick you up i dont imagine you know your way around much"

I give him the name of my hotel amd my numbet, her writes it down in his hand.

"You do know sharpies are pernimaint right.. i will take ages to come off"

"Yeah.. well this is important"

I

Melted

This guy is little eveything i have ever wanted.

"Here"

He slides the toy across the counter

"Good choice by the way, maybe tonigjt qe can...talk about Egyptian Mythology?"

"I would like that very much Steven"

The smile on my face reaching my eyes, Stevens doing the same

"Oi!"

I turn around to be greated by Donna, or bitchface as i have named her now.

"Stevie stop giving love eyes to the customers and do your job!"

"Its Steven.. with a v"

He correct her, before i have time to pine over what he just said, i here my name being called

"Y/N!"

I turn around to see Charlie calling me over

"I heard i missed some stuff on Taweret, could you repeat it for me and Nick please"

My heart sweals with pride, maybe they do care.

"By Steven, ill text you"

"Laters Gaters"

I walk away, holding the plush to my chest and grinning like iv never before. I walk to meet Charlie and Nick, standing just outside the gift shop.

"Soooo"

Nick begins

"Shut up!"

I nudge him, in turn pushing Charlie as they where holding hands. They both stare at me as if waiting for me to say something.. witch i did.

"...i got a date"

"Did i just here date!"

Tao appears behind me out of nowhere

"Jesus Tao!"

He is followed by Elle, and Darcy, all smiling wildly, apart from Tara who looks concerned.

"Are you sure this is a good idea Y/N.. where leaving in a week and.. you cant take another heartbreak"

"Oh come on.. Aaron wasnt that bad!"

Everyone is silent.

"Sorry i was on a high, Aaron was terrible but i am ready to get my heart broken again!.... That sounded bad but trust me okay.. i can tell he's different"

"Okay..but dont say i didnt warn you"

"Taraaaa let the man live! He NEEDS to get laid!"

"Darcys right"

Charlie adds, i laugh at me friends, grateful but also worried they might be right, about the heartbreak thing, they are 100% right about the needing to be laid part

"Now Y/N, mind enlighing us on Taweret"

Nicks speaks up, earing a groan from both Tara and Tao, there partnes shusing them.

I turn around to see Steven already looking on my direction, i smile and wave at him, he gives a small wave back untill someone goes to the countet with a child wanting some sort of gummi. I smile and begin ranting to Nick and Charlie.

This trip got a whole lot interesting.

[alexiraphale]

Would you like to tell me more about your desi wlw wip 👀👀

BESTIE I AM ALWAYS READYGDJHAKSFJL

so their names are ananya and dhvani and tehyre academic rivals in the sense that one of them is always losing by one mrk and feels a huge rivalry going o while the other is just,,,,,normal about it, doesnt even notice it.

and anya is like, the topper but she cant put on makeup for life but she has to at their schol garba festival and then,,,,,dhvani finds her struggling in teh bathrooms trying to put on kaajal and she helps er put it on her eyelids (which is normal except its homoerotic and theres certain thoughts about how the otehr smells damn good becaus lesbians)

AND AND tehn they get to talking and get kinda close and then theyr elike. the bestestest of friends like theyre practiclaly girlfriends except its india so they go by best friends. and theres, like, so many headcanons i have for them from all my gourp chats which i will organize and put out a list for everyone :)

but TEHRE IS A HEIGH DIFFERENCE. I REPEAT. HEIGHT DIFFERENCE and anya is ike 7 cms taller than dhvani and has short bob cuts and dhvani has SUCH long hair fr fr. and ananya goes by anya informally BUT THEN dhvani starts calling her anu and it annoys the (fake) shit out of her and she secretly loves it bc who wouldnt like ot be called nicknames (the author is yearning bye) AND NO ONE ELSE IS ALLOWED TO CALL ANYA ANU EXCEPT FOR DHVANI shes very possessie, wil throw hands

AND AND she does throw hands bc they fight about smth small due to a habit of anya's and they dont speak for liek a day and its awkward BUT BUT then dhvani hears an ex-best firend of anu's badmouthing anya's same habit that they fought about and she s like NOPE NO NE GETS TO SAY SHIT ABOUT HER LIKE THAT and it results in a catfight in which anu has to phycially rescue dhvani from losing her precious hair- oh to have soeone fihgt on ur behalf

AND AND ofc theres a lot fo characted evelopments and baclstories buut im gona focus on teh ship rn so like. AFTER THEYRE OUT THEY TRY TO GO TO AN INDIAN PRIDE PARADE AND IT DOESNT EDN WELL and tehir parents are assholes ofc bc conservtive indians AND a lot of plot but skip skip skip and we're in a western country where tehy attempt to go to a prdie paarde again and its so fluffly :) can u bleive im writing fluff :) it wont last long but omg :)

and they had to do an ldr for a year bc anya got an admission for her career in a western country and dhvani didnt have enough money nor a scholarship and THEN THEN CUTE LDR STUFF but BUT dhvani doesnt anya and gets a shcolarship for teh next three years at anya'as college and surprises her and then they live togetehr for their acadeic college years :))))))))))) and im so gone for them fr :))))

AND THEY PROPOSE TO EAH OTHER AT TEH SAME TIME IN THE EPILOGUE

THIS IS ALL JUST A BIG COMPILATION OF EVERYONES YEARNING AND THIS ISNT EVEN 1/4 OF TEH PLOT I HAVE IN MIND I AM VIBRATING I WANT TO WRITE THIS SO BAD GFEUHBIJDWH

AND AND this happens in year 11-12 btw in cbse (ew)

mutuals who also wanted news: @iamnotaware @i-love-books-and-so-do-you @euphoniouspandemonium

[rosachaotic]

Remember when i said Talbott and Cereza werent over? Yeah.

I promised yall i would write a continuation of this. For those dont remember that happend, here

Anyways enjoy the fanfic!

Warning: none?? Its more just angst then fluff.(but sorry for my bad english and wording im not very good at writing and I wrote this on mobile)

It's been two months and few days since the big argument Talbott and Cereza had on the hospital wings.

This all happened because Cereza tried to do all the investigation and take down R by herself, but of course that plan failed and it backfired on her very badly. She fought the wizard in white and almost died because of it, losing her consciousness after he ran away, fortunately she was found by Moody who was searching for her after her twin brother said she went missing and was taken to the hospital wings.

She was scolded for it of course, and after that her friends went to visit her. All of her friends were worried for her, especially her twin brother Michael who jumped into her hugging her tight, crying, not realizing her whole body was in pain before he quickly let her go.

After a long chat with her friends and twin brother Talbott got in but he didn't look happy, he asked for everyone to leave him and Cereza alone because he wanted to talk to her, everyone left confused to what was going on.

Outside people could hear both Talbott and Cereza arguing with each other, Talbott was disappointed that Cereza lied to everyone including him about not having any information that could be useful for Circle ot Khanna and that she did is by herself he thought she was dead she could have died because of her reckless decision, Cereza tried to explain herself by saying she thought what she was doing was the right because she wanted to protect everyone which didn't make Talbott feel any less worse but the opposite. Both kept arguing with each other until Talbott storms out of hospital wings not looking at his friend's faces who were waiting outside, Penny tried to stop him but he just ignored her and walked away, once everyone back inside to the hospital they saw Cereza holding back her tears but she did a very job at it once everyone was inside and started crying.

----

Cereza rarely saw Talbott after what happened, she only saw him on the classes they shared but even then he didn't even talk to her, she decided to let it be not wanting to bother Talbott and she thought that this was the end of their relationship. This broke her alot, the happy girl that was always smiling and giggling all the time wasn't there anymore, not only she felt bad for what she did but she thought she lost one of the people she loved the most.

That was until Cereza got a letter in the morning, Andre gave it to her and said "It's from Talbott." She quickly opened the letter and read the paper that said:

"We need to talk. Meet me after dinner in the courtyard."

-Talbott

She thanked Andre for the letter who nodded and said "I hope everything works out for you guys." And left, Cereza also hoped that things would work out but she couldn't help but feel anxious about it. What did he want to talk about after dinner? Why did it have to wait?

"Does he want to end our relationship once and for all?" Cereza thought all day, Cereza knew how to be patient but this waiting was killing her.

During dinner she barely ate anything, Rowen(M!Rowan) was trying to make her eat something but she couldn't.

"You have to eat something, you can't sleep with an empty stomach." Said Rowen, worried for his best friend trying to make her eat. He knew about the letter, Cereza told him about it and he knew how nervous and anxious she was because of it.

"I can't, this wait is killing me.'' Cereza said anxiously.

She then looked around, noticing that Talbott wasn't at the ravenclaw table or at any table of the other houses.

"Did you see Talbott walk in?" Asked Cereza, still looking around, Rowen shook his head.

"No, I didn't, I don't think he is coming for dinner today." Rowen took a bite of his food as he said that.

"Why? Do you know about something??"

"No, no, but...Penny said she didn't see all day, he didn't go to any of his classes." Cereza felt her heart drop, this wasn't like him, he would NEVER miss any class, if there was something Talbott was proud of himself is that he was an excellent student.

"This isn't like him…" Whispered Cereza."I cant, i have to go."

"Wha- B-But dinner time isn't over yet!"

"I'm sorry Rowen, but I have to go."

"...Okay, good luck Cere!"

Cereza nodded and left the great hall running, she opened the big door to the corridor and rushed past the students to the courtyard.

As she got outside she looked around.

There he was, sitting on the tree trunk looking at the stars just like he would when he waited for her for their dates.. Cereza sighed with relief knowing that Talbott was okay...or was he?

She took a deep breath and walked toward him, stopping right before him.

"Hey…" Talbott jumped at hearing Cereza's voice, he was probably so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear her walk in.

"Oh, Sorry I didn't hear you coming in…" Said Talbott awkwardly.

"Its okay…"

"..."

"Penny said she didn't see you all day, you also didn't come for dinner as well."

"I felt sick all day and I wasn't hungry."

"Oh...I'm sorry, I hope you're better now."

Silence took over, the only sound they heard was the cold night wind, making things kinda awkward. Until Talbott coughed and said

"Sit here with me." He tapped right next to him, Cereza then climbed the tree trunk and sat right next to him.

Again, the awkward silence.

Cereza then looked at the sky, it was a pretty starry night, she could see some shooting stars.

" The night is beautiful tonight isn't it?" Asked Talbott, breaking the silence.

"Yeah. It is beautiful."

"It reminds me of when we used to have our dates here, you would make wishes for the shooting stars."

"Stupid wishes, I know." Cereza giggled at her own stupid self.

"I never thought they were stupid." Said Talbott.

"Even the one where I wished for a giant puffskein?"

Cereza shook her head smiling a little bit and she also noticed Talbott was smiling a little as well, she missed seeing him smile, but they weren't there to watch the stars.

"Hey, if that's your wish, who am i to judge?

"Talbott-"

"Yeah?"

"Listen, I-I know you said you wanted to talk to me in your letter, but I want to say something first." Said Cereza nervously, while staring at the floor.

"...Go ahead."

She took a deep breath and then looked at his warm striking hazel, who met her golden eyes. Then she finally said:

"...I'm sorry."

"...Wha-"

"I'm sorry for what I did, Talbott. It was very dumb of me try to all of that on my own and it was and it was insensitive and bad of me not to tell you guys the information I had about R."

"Cereza-"

"I should have trusted you all to defend yourselves without my help, I shouldn't have lied to you guys about not finding anything."

"Cereza listen-"

"I shouldn't have done that, I could have died and i didn't thought about how you, my family and the rest of our friends would feel about it if I died, you were right when you said things wouldn't get any better if I-"

"CEREZA!"

Cereza jumped at Talbott who raised his voice at her, he gripped her shoulders and made her look at him, his eyes staring at her but he didn't look angry he looked sad.

"Just...listen to me please."

Cereza nodded and whispered "sorry" and let him talk.

"Look...after what happened, i couldn't stop thinking about that night on hospital wings. That night kept playing in my head over and over every time I went to bed...I felt awful"

"Huh-"

"I felt awful, Cereza. After I calmed down I realized what I just did and how I shouldn't have talked to you that way, but it was too late, I was already at my dorm and I couldn't bring myself to come back."

"..."

"I was ashamed."

"Is that the reason why you were avoiding me?"

Talbott nodded, he took a deep breath as if was holding himself to not cry.

"I thought you hated me."

"..."

"So I avoided you and everyone else as well, it was painful."

"Tal I-"

"I should have thought of your feelings, how were you feeling that made you do all of that yourself."

"...You had all the rights to react the way you did, it was a stupid and dangerous decision that I made."

"But I still shouldn't have said those things to you."

"..."

"I let my emotions take over me, my heart dropped when I saw Moody carrying you to the hospital wings....blood all over you and you unconscious and i thought i lost you..."

"..."

"When i heard you were alive, I was so happy and relieved...but when i heard about why you did that when I heard Michael talking to Moody I...I dont know what came over me, i was angry and disappointed"

"...I know-"

"Not only on you, but mostly on myself"

"..W-why? Why were you angry at yourself??"

"Because I thought I failed you, I couldn't protect you, I couldn't be there for you."

"But it wasn't your fault-"

"Let me finish..."

"..."

"But that doesn't excuse what I did, i didnt think about what you were feeling, how you were feeling. Your feelings that made you do this and your feelings after it...I called you selfish but I was even more selfish…"

"Tal…"

Cereza's hand went to Talbott's cheek, who jumped at her touch but then rested his face on her hand holding her hand even more close to his face. He closed his eyes while he felt her warmth on his skin again after so long.

"I'm sorry Cereza, I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry for everything."

"I forgive you."

Talbott's eyes quickly opened as he looked at her, he was surprised but it also looked like a heavy weight was lifted off his shoulders. She continued:

"But...do you forgive me as well?"

"Of course I do."

Cereza also felt as if a heavy weight was lifted off her shoulders as well, she smiled as she felt tears run down her face and she had to take off her glasses to clean it.

"I-I thought...I thought you called me to end everything between us." Said Cereza as she cried while she tried to clean her tears off her face. She was shaking a little and her breath was also shaky.

"I would never do that." He whispered. "If anything, I was more afraid of you wanting to break up with me."

Talbott got closer to her and hugged tight on to his body, catching her by surprise.

Cereza returned the tight hug, smiling while tears rolled down her face, Talbott also had tears rolling down his face who tried to hide by hiding his face on her shoulder but his shaky breath and the way he sniffed quietly gave it away he was crying. Cereza's hand went to Talbott's hair and was caressing his hair.

"I thought I was going to lose you." Whispered Talbott, not wanting to let her go.

"I thought the same thing…" Cereza whispered back, kissing his head.

Both of them stopped hugging each other as they cleaned their faces but still kept close, Talbott's hand travelled to Cereza's face and caressed her cheek, his hand was cold as always but Cereza never cared about that, she liked his touch.

They both stared at each other, they both knew it was awkward the way they stared at each other but they did not care, their gazes were filled with intense love.

Talbott kept his hand on Cereza's cheek and kissed her other cheek gently but his face didn't move away, in fact he kept face very close to hers moving only a little to her lips, their noses were touching each other and they could feel their heavy breaths, Cereza closed her eyes as she felt her heartbeat go very fast and her face was red, Talbott heart also felt like it was going to jump from his mouth and even his ears were dark red. He brushed his nose on to hers but then kissed her nose, he caressed her cheek once more smiling, Cereza then opened her eyes and saw his smile and smiled back at him. Both of them giving loving smiles at each other.

"I love you." Said Talbott.

Cereza's hand went to Talbott's face and to his cheek as well, as she sighed and smiled again.

"I love you too, meu amor.'

Talbott's smile grew as he heard again the loving way Cereza called him using her first language, while they didn't have their first kiss yet what matters is that they were both together again.

"Just promise to me that you will be more careful." Said Talbott.

Cereza nodded.

"I will...but, do you promise to never leave my side?" Asked Cereza, Talbott chuckled and said:

"I promise, my sunshine."