#transattractional

[beyond-mogai-pride-flags]

Transamorous Pride Flag

Transamory: describing a relationship and/or attraction involving transgender individuals.

It's similar to the bicurious flag, however with trans* flag colors using a purple lowercase tau (Greek letter, τ) in the middle.

[marshmallow-maki-a-la-mode]

TransID pride month day #16: Transattraction

Coining some sadism & masochism related transparas today.

Transsadism || Transsadomasochism || Transmasochism

Feeling like one should experience sadistic / sadomasochistic / masochistic attraction.

Flags based off Lecter's sadism & masochism flags

TransMYAPsadism || TransMYAPsadomasochism || TransMYAPmasochism

Feeling like one should experience sadistic / sadomasochistic / masochistic attraction towards minors/youth.

Flag based off the MAP sadist flag by Pappy.

Transzoosadism || Transzoosadomasochism || Transzoomasochism

Feeling like one should experience sadistic / sadomasochistic / masochistic attraction towards animals.

Flags based off of the zoosadism flag by Lecter and the zoomasochism flag by Redeemer.

[transamorousnetwork]

No, Sexual Abuse Doesn’t Create Trans-Attracted People

Back in May I gushed about the Netflix Limited Series “Baby Reindeer”. My focus, obviously, wasn’t on the main plot, but the sub plot; that being the main character “Donny’s” trans-attraction. I gushed about it because I thought the entire series did a great job describing how shame and self-loathing can create a truly, sucky life.

Which is exactly what Donny lived.

While writing that series of posts, I received an interesting comment from a trans-attracted guy. The comment made a point I hadn’t considered. I hadn’t considered it because I don’t believe the point the writer made about trans attraction or about the show. So the point went right over my head.

I’m glad then, that the commenter made the point. It’s worth taking a closer look at it.

So let’s take a look at what he wrote, then unpack what he’s saying.

The comment

Reading between the lines of his comment, it’s clear the writer isn’t ashamed of his trans attraction. Not only that, it seems he’s out about it. That’s great. So here’s what he had to say. I’ve added some clarifications [in brackets] for reasons that will be obvious:

I was baffled at first that people kept asking me if I’d seen Baby Reindeer – I’ve never seen *any* must-see TV shows. Then I realised there was this cis-trans relationship subplot. People I know wanted to know how I felt about that because they know of my own orientation and dating experience… I thought [transgender actress] Nava Mau’s performance was fantastic and [her character] “Teri” was probably the only likable and relatable person in the show tbh. But I did feel that the show let her down in plot terms. No exposition at all for *why* the main character decided to go on a trans dating site. In an ideal world, sure, it would be unremarkable, but in the real world, it’s obviously not something everyone *just does*. And in that absence of explanation it felt uncomfortably like we were supposed to see it as some kind of sexual trauma response to his previous experiences as revealed in ep. 3. When, after their split, he hardly seemed to give her another thought, that seemed to reinforce that she was almost just a plot device to show him going through stages of trauma and self-questioning. Given that it’s based on a true story, of course, that may just be a reflection of this individual’s reality. And yes, that reality may reflect a wider reality of a lot of cis man/trans woman relationships. But I guess I’m just disappointed that the plotline in that regard always seems to be one of trauma, hangups, internalised shame, etc. That’s not at all my experience in my own relationship, and I’d like for once to see that portrayed! So as representation goes, yes, Teri was a triumph, but as a portrayal of a relationship between a trans woman and a trans-attracted man I felt it was a lot less positive.

Shallow thinking creates condemnation

I really like this guy’s perspective. And, he’s right. I believe a trend exists in the minds of people that trans attraction is a response to some unsavory past. Often, that past includes sexual “trauma”. And while that may be true for some, I don’t think that’s true for the majority of trans-attracted men.

The commenter, clearly, hasn’t had that experience. As well, most of the men I’ve worked with also don’t have sexual “trauma” they’re responding to. Many of them did experience an event which surfaced what may have previously been unconscious orientation behavior. But sexual abuse “trauma” doesn’t create trans attraction in people.

Take me, for example. I didn’t realize my trans-attraction until a girlfriend in Japan took me to a bar that featured trans go-go dancers. That doesn’t qualify as sexual trauma or abuse. But it did open my eyes to an aspect of who I was.

One could say the trope that trans-attracted men trans attracted because of past sexual abuse parallels the idea that trans women are just “men in a dress”. Like the latter, the former offers no introspection or analysis. Nor does it reveal any effort on the part of the speaker to understand trans attraction, nor the men (and women) who orient that way sexually. Such comments don’t point to a truth. They just represent shallow thinking on the part of the person expressing them.

Which is why they’re worthy of us ignoring them.

Another trope needing examination

Trans-attraction is just as valid as any other sexual orientation. For transgender people, it is an important orientation. That’s because such people represent perfect matches for trans people. And because of that, trans people can find love they desire.

I’ve written before about how every sock finds its shoe. The way the Universe works, no aspect of being goes unmatched. There always exists someone to match someone who wants to match with someone.

Now, some people do exist for which no match exists. Such people eventually discover they are happier without relationships. I’ve known women who, after dating men and women, for example, discover their best relationship is with themselves.

That’s a great realization to come to. But it often comes after trial and error. Because all of us are conditioned so strongly to have a relationship. Otherwise something is wrong with us. And that’s another expression that’s gone without much examination.

A lot more happiness would exist if people didn’t try fitting themselves into the box the peanut gallery prescribes. That goes for trans people, trans-attracted people and everyone else.

Stories DO create reality though

All that said, I did have a client who believed part of his experience in desiring trans women came from what HE considered to be sexual trauma involving a relative. After looking at what happened over several months, however, we discovered a couple things about that experience. One, such sexual experimentation between relatives is very common. It’s not sexual abuse. And two, his role in it was far less offensive than he was making it.

In other words, his stories about what happened shaped his judgments about what happened. They also shaped his self-judgement. A self-judgement so harsh he contemplated suicide many times. 

These days, however, this client is becoming more and more free of his negative stories. As a result he’s finding himself more comfortable accepting who he is, what he likes, and what happened in the past.

And that’s the point of all of this. Our stories create our realities. That’s why it’s so important looking at the stories we have. Looking at them we change those that create experiences we don’t like. Every experience we don’t like comes as a result of beliefs we hold. That means any experience we don’t like we have the power to change.

I think Donny, the main character in Baby Reindeer showed us this. By changing his stories he came to embrace who he was. The result not only transformed his life, it also produced a sensational hit streaming show.

Read my series on that show here: Post one, post two, three and four.

[thefacelesssmile]

Happy (belated) birthday @sewers-headmates!! Decided to make you something since you’ve been such an inspiration for us making this blog. You don’t have to do anything with them, of course, since this wasn’t a request, but I hope you like it anyway. - Darkwood

I heard you like Hatchetfield, I heard you like RTC, I heard you like AUs, so I bring you:

Ride the Tearjerker AU Headmate Pack (all level 1s with transids and paras, we wanted to do higher but I think we’d die a little lol- feel free to request any of them upgraded if you like them though!)

———

Name - Grace Chasity

Pronouns - She/Her/Hers

Gender - Cisgender Woman

Sexuality - Bi, but heavily in the closet

Paras - Teratophilia, Erotophonophilia, Autotheophilia, Peccatiphilia

CisIDs - Christian, Murderer, Autistic, Religious OCD

TransIDs - TransStraight, TransHarmless, TransCultLeader, TransRighteous, TransCelibate, TransNeurotypical

Sys Role - Moral Compass, Belief Holder

Source (if applicable) - Ride the Tearjerker, Ocean O’Connel Rosenberg

Sign Off - ✝️, ❤️‍🩹, 📓, 🫧, 🪓

Name - Alice Woodward

Pronouns - She/Her, They/Them, 🌸/🌸s

Gender - Demigirl, BlossomGender

Sexuality - Lesbian

Paras - Autogratiophilia, Kinemortophilia, Odontophilia, Nyctophilia

CisIDs - Writer, Dyed Hair, GAD, Cottagecore

TransIDs - TransPopular, TransSuccessful, TransRebellious, TransVampire

Sys Role - Social Alter, Creativity Manager, Motivator

Source (if applicable) - Ride the Tearjerker, Noel Gruber

Sign Off - 👩‍💻, 🖊️, 📝, 💗, 🧛‍♀️

Name - Ethan Green

Pronouns - He/Him, They/Them, It/Its, Ey/Em, Pine/Pines, Wood/Woods, 🌲/🌲s

Gender - Boyflux, Transmasculine, ForestBoyic

Sexuality - Panromantic Demisexual, femme preference

Paras - Chierophilia, Mechanophilia, Scelerophila, Gratiophilia

CisIDs - Car Fanatic, AuDHD, DPD, Canine Therian, Cyborgkin

TransIDs - TransAlive, TransPhotographer, TransHeight (Taller), TransGamer

Sys Role - Protector

Source (if applicable) - Ride the Tearjerker, Mischa Bachinski

Sign Off - 🧢, 🪓, 🔧, 🚙, 🌲

Name - Richard “Richie” Lipshitz

Pronouns - He/Him, They/Them, Weeb/Weebs, Glitch/Glitches, 👾/👾s

Gender - Trans man, Animegender, Robogender

Sexuality - Gay, Ambiamorous

Paras - Thanatophilia, Poképhilia, Robophilia, Fictophilia (specifically Ficto-Biastophilia)

CisIDs - Cosplayer, Gamer, Anime Obsessed, Otaku, Weep, Lisp, ADHD

TransIDs - TransExchangeStudent, TransJapanese, TransPopular, TransMSpecAttraction

Sys Role - Cringe Culture Holder

Source (if applicable) - Ride the Tearjerker, Ricky Potts

Sign Off - 🤖, 📺, 🦅, 👾, 🎮

Name - Ruth Fleming

Pronouns - She/Her, Shx/Hxr, They/Them, Ey/Em, Star/Stars, ⭐️/⭐️s

Gender - Transfemme Pangender, LoserGirlic

Sexuality - Pansexual Polyamorous HyperRose

Paras - Aptophilia, Agonophilia, Opophilia, Autagonistophilia

CisIDs - Theater Kid, Attention Seeker, Socially Awkward, Loser

TransIDs - TransPretty, TransStarlet, TransAttractive

Sys Role - Trauma Manager, Optimist, HyperRose Holder

Source (if applicable) - Ride the Tearjerker - Constance Blackwood

Sign Off - ⭐️, 🤩, 🎬, 🎤, 💡

Name - The unidentified body of the Tearjerker Incident, Hannah Foster

Pronouns - They/Them, Shx/Hxr, Hx/Hxm, Web/Webs, Doll/Dolls, 🕸️/🕸️s

Gender - Genderqueer, FluidFlux, Dollic, Black&Whiteic

Sexuality - AroAcespec

Paras - none

CisIDs - Nonverbal, Autistic, Prophet, Ukelele Player, Abused, Spider Therian, Bunny Therian, Lamb Therian, Musician

TransIDs - TransNormal, TransVerbal, TransUnharmed, TransBlack&White, TransAlive, PermaDissociated

Sys Role - Memory Gatekeeper, Dissociation Manager

Source (if applicable) - Ride the Tearjerker, Jane Doe

Sign Off - 🎶, 💭, 🕸️, 🔲, 🧢

Bonuses:

Name - The Great Blikotep

Pronouns - It/Its, Eye/Eyes,

Gender - Eyegender, Black&Whiteic

Sexuality - Pansexual, Hypersexual, Voyeur

Sys Role - Observer, Gatekeeper

Source (if applicable) - Ride the Tearjerker, The Great Karnak

Sign Off - 💜, 🎢, 🔌, 🧿, 👁️

Name - Webby the Spider

Pronouns - She/Her, They/Them, Web/Webs, Mys/Tery/Mysterys, Wi/Witch, 🕸️/🕸️s, 🕷️/🕷️s,❔/❔s

Gender - Agender, Femmeflux, Black&Whiteic

Sexuality - Aromantic, Queer, Unlabeled

Sys Role - Gatekeeper, Internal Protector

Source (if applicable) - Ride the Tearjerker, Virgil the Rat

Sign Off - 🕷️, 🕸️, ❔, 🤍, 💤

[transx-mogai-cafe]

TransAttraction/Transorientation

Transattraction/Transorientation: an identity for those who feel they should have a certain orientation or be attracted to certain categories of individuals that they are not.

[omg-ravenovah]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Raven (@raven_ovah)

I almost stopper #blogging because of #transgenderwomen 💨 Im so upset of the #blacktransgenderwomen. Treatment to @malikyoba. And i have alot to say #translivesmatter ? 🌈 #transgenderwomen #lesbian #gaywomen #bisexual #transteen #gayteens #lgbtq #glaad #gaypride. #transattracted. #trannychaser. #transman. #parentoftransgenderchild Go to my. #ravenovah on YouTube i will explain💝 https://www.instagram.com/p/B24t6DLHQ78/?igshid=l00qhbk8aurb

[intransheart]

(Marsha's Plate: Black Trans Talk) We are having a conversation with Simaya Charlize-Theresa Turner​ and Tierre Turner​ . We talk about dating, vulnerability, Trans Attracted men and being grown and making love work one day at a time 

[myvq]

#MalikYoba explains being a #transattracted #heterosexual, and says its more about ”stepping up.” 📽: (@breakfastclubam) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2SYs63n8K1/?igshid=1r0n3ob0o3w3y

[fishline83]

To my fish everything i do is for the culture. For us by us. I created fishline for you to do you! As we approach our 1 year anniversary i want to stress the importance of supporting each other. We create our own narrative PERIODT. So help me help you. I would love to feature my followers so don’t be shy. Fish and Gents show me what your working with! Dm your best photos!! FISH show your best young fly and trans! GENTS show the ladies your best swag! Please don’t be shy! . . . . The time is now ! #girlslikeus is simply the shit. #periodt . . . . #goodvibesonly #transattracted #transdating #lovewins🌈 #_fishline #fishline #new #timeisnow #blackownedbusiness #lgbtbusiness #support #feature #dm #insta #instafamous #new #newbrand #1yearanniversary #wemadeit #popping #blackgirlmagic #transgirl #transgirlsofinstagram #transisbeautiful #cultivate #redlips #badbish (at Atlanta, Georgia) https://www.instagram.com/p/ByCB_1PnUmA/?igshid=122dnmmoobcah

[marshmallow-maki-a-la-mode]

Bonus transpara flags for today:

Transhybristophile alt flag || Trishybristophile

Transhybristophile / Transhybristophilia: Feeling like one should be a hybristophile, being attracted to criminals, typically exceptionally cruel or dangerous criminals. Flags for this exist, but I wanted a flag with actual hybristo colors.

Trishybristophile / Trishybristophilia: Being both cis- and transhybristo and/or in-between being cis- and transhybristo.

[transamorousnetwork]

The Hidden Life Of Trans Attraction Revealed In Daring “Baby Reindeer”

Baby Reindeer is an amazing show. The Netflix Limited Series tells a true story of an aspiring comedian and trans-attracted Britisher who makes his way through his extreme (this is film making after all) self-loathing, which lives alongside an equally sensitive emotional state.

And while events that unfold in the series are intense and in some cases hard to watch (and well depicted) they ring accurate for me, both as a Transamorous person and as someone who assists trans-attracted men with casting off their self-loathing and embracing who and what they are.

In this post, I want to share experiences I’ve heard from my clients. I want to compare them to what happens in Baby Reindeer and celebrate this show as an awesome milestone, one many in the trans community have been hoping for for years.

Fiction based on truth

First, let’s get this on the record: Baby Reindeer is HIGHLY FICTIONALIZED. It’s also dark, gritty and intense. That said, I find it an extremely accurate portrayal of trans-attracted men. How can I claim that?

Because I’ve talked with many trans-attracted men. I’ve also assisted such men get over their self-hatred, accept themselves and find peace with what they are. I’m also transamorous myself.

Many of us share similar characteristics. Chief among those: either an intense self-hatred or shame. We also share extremely fine-tuned emotional sensitivity. I believe that’s because we are a blend of both male and female energies, just as many trans women are. Nearly all the men I’ve spoken to or work with try first making a relationship work with cis women. Those nearly always end in break ups or divorce, leaving the men lonely, alone and having to face head-on their trans attraction. Finally, at least some of the men at one time or another contemplated ending it all before they turned their self-hatred or shame into acceptance.

Donny, the main character in Baby Reindeer, experiences all of these characteristics. If you’ve seen the show, then, you know Donny hates himself in the extreme. But his emotional sensitivity equals his self-hatred. This explains why Donny ends up enabling Martha, the stalker. He can’t bear seeing her pain. So he reacts to her in welcoming ways. The resonance he feels mirrors Martha’s self-loathing. And hers mirrors his. In other words, they’re a perfect match.

Donny also fails at romance with his cis girlfriend although they remain close friends afterwards. Donny doesn’t try killing himself, but his sexual rampage after getting raped very much reflects suicidal sentiment. He acknowledges this in the series.

Donny’s story may be fictionalized, but parts of it ring true for many trans-attracted men.

^^Baby Reindeer is number one on Netflix. (From Nava Mau's instagram.)

Rings true for me too…

My experience mirrors some of this too. Though “hating myself” would have been an over exaggeration, I did find myself in fairly intense feelings of shame. But that shame didn’t keep me from acting out on my trans attraction, late at night in bars, through personal ads and dating sites and in random encounters.

Like Donny, I too am emotionally sensitive. These days I’d call it “intuitive”. It makes me great at what I do for clients. My feminine energy is quite pronounced too. When expressing myself to those with keen gaydar, I’m often mistaken as gay (instead of queer). 

Can you see how that last part might cause trans-attracted men to double down on their shame? Trans-attracted men are not homosexual. But being mistaken as one can cause a guy to feel really confused…which is what happened to Donny by the way. 

Relationships with cis gender women litter my history too. Not all were horrible. But all fizzled. Looking back it’s no wonder. Especially when contrasted with how it feels being with a trans woman.

Thankfully killing myself never entered the picture. Even back then, I knew I had more to do calling me. Nevertheless, it’s clear to me that my trans attraction created situations trying to get my attention. Thank goodness I listened. This blog would not exist without me having heard their call.

A supportive trans woman is gold

It’s clear then that many trans-attracted men find themselves wracked by shame. Shame plus fear create a potent cocktail. It will literally cause these men to hide in the shadows. And, since many trans women consider these men the bane of their existence, these men, like Donny, end up suffering alone.

What’s interesting: the moment Donny confesses to himself and others all he’s been hiding, that hidden life evaporates. His freedom becomes pronounced. Trans-attracted men don’t need trans women to support them. But it sure makes the coming out easier. Which is exactly what happened in Baby Reindeer when Teri showed up.

Donny meets Teri through a trans dating site. She’s the breath of sanity and fresh air in the entire series. Played extraordinarily well by trans woman Nava Mau, the character both supports and challenges Donny. In my opinion, her support goes to the extreme. I won’t spoil the story. You should watch it.

The point is, a lesson exists in the Teri character for trans women. Even though Donny doesn’t use Teri’s support to move through his shame, and eventually loses her, that needn’t be the outcome of every potential cis-trans relationship. Indeed, as I’ve written before, I know many long-term relationships between trans-attracted/transamorous men and their transgender lovers.

I encourage trans women that if they want a man, they might want to help a trans-attracted man overcome his shame. It’s not an easy task. Some men can move through the process easier than others. But ultimately, as with Teri, the choice is the trans woman’s. Not every girl’s up for that.

Revealing and soothing

Baby Reindeer offers so much illumination on the subject of trans attraction. I don’t think Richard Gadd, the show’s creator, intended it to be about trans attraction per se. The show mainly focuses on Donny’s downward spiral, which ultimately ends with upliftment, all at the hands of an intense, long-term stalking episode. Still, so many things about trans attraction get revealed in this show, I’d say it’s a must watch for anyone wanting to understand a not-well-understood phenomena happening around and within the transgender community.

More than that, watching the series can do two really powerful things. One, it can soothe the really strong aversion many trans women have about such men, through giving them a sense of emotional understanding for what these men go through. Two, it can help the men better understand and accept themselves. And all that happens in a show that is beautiful, clever, surprising and, yes, revealing.

Go watch it.

[milaniidabodiie24-blog]

SPACE COAST AREA !!!

Im coming to your area this weekend. show me some love why don’t ya 

[greenpaladinofnature-blog]

IMPORTIANT REMINDER

Polydins is ALL of the paladins in a relationship, not just Shiro Keith and Lance. Or Shiro keith and Hunk, you want to be that asshole that childcodes Pidge  get out of this tag. Polydins is not an OT3 tag you nitwhits its a ship where all the paladind (including Allura) are in a polyromantic (proper definition derived from the term poligmy meaning more than one spouce; refers to a relationship between more than two people in a romantic and concentual manner.) Also fuck every fucking trans entitlest run piece of shitstain wiki that keeps getting that definition wrong because attraction regardless of gender identy is panromantic and attraction to persons who are trans is Transromantic you idiots. At least respect sexual bounderies you noobs.

[quadrantmlm]

friends to lovers is old we should start calling it transattraction ptr (platonic to romantic)

[transx-mogai-cafe]

Transattracted/Transoriented Lesbian

Transattracted/Transoriented Lesbian: an identity for those who feel they should be a lesbian even though they are not.

[transamorousnetwork]

The Best Trans Girlfriend: Played By Nava Mau

I’m very near the end of gushing about Netflix’s Baby Reindeer. Just two more things need mentioning about this wonderful show. It’s wonderful because, as mentioned in the last post, Baby Reindeer reveals underlying causes keeping nearly all trans-attracted men in the shadows.

Primary among those causes is self loathing. Self loathing is as common among transgender women as it is among trans-attracted men. Which is one dimension across which both groups represent perfect matches.

But that’s another story; one I’ve shared many times. In this story, I want to focus on Teri, the transgender character played by Nava Mau. I’m going to crush a little on the actress too. So bear with me.

Alright, here we go.

Trans women and the power they possess

Speaking of crushing, this blog asserts over and over that trans women possess a unique power. Especially when they embrace all that they are. I’ve seen trans-attracted men literally transformed for the better because of that power. This power also partly explains why trans-attracted men who enjoy the pleasure of actually dating a trans woman finds himself so smitten to the core.

Teri, whom Donny, Baby Reindeer’s main character, meets on a dating website, is exactly the kind of trans woman I’m writing about. She’s self assured, measured and clear-headed. It helps, of course that she’s a therapist. Which also tells us she’s got some baggage herself. Therapists become therapists for a reason. And really good therapists are really good for that same reason.

Anyway, Teri’s at first open minded. She’s eager to get to know Donny, even though he’s presenting a totally bogus version of himself. That’s because he’s deeply shameful of his attraction. Which is interesting because Nava Mau is gorgeous in the extreme. And, to me, totally passable.

That doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. For a trans-attracted man dealing with his shame, however, it would seem Teri is a great match because she looks convincingly like a cis woman. Still, Donny tries Teri’s patience. She sees right through his lies, but goes along anyway. I presume she’s hoping to meet the real Donny eventually.

^^Nava Mau (Instagram)

Trans women: helping the men helps you

Which brings me back to the power of trans women. Listen ladies, if you want to be with a man, many such men exist who will love you out loud exactly as you are. But many more need some training. If you’re willing to, helping a guy get through his shame can create a lasting, deep love.

It also, however, can lead to disastrous outcomes. Which is why I advocate a particular approach to relationships. One that first starts with the relationship with yourself. Get that stable and it’s really easy to create any kind of relationship you want. Including with a guy. But if your relationship with yourself is wobbly, you can’t access that power, that focus that literally can turn a man into a prime relationship candidate.

There’s no reason a trans woman who wants to be with a man can’t be with one. But disempowering beliefs will put the kibosh on that goal every time. Those who tell positive stories – about themselves, about their man and their relationship – can literally create the ideal relationship from one that seems deeply flawed.

After all, we all meet our matches in the moment we meet them. That means every relationship we get into is a match. We might not like what that relationship contains, but isn’t it true that in every failed relationship we are the common denominator? That means we and we alone can change the relationship, because we are the focus of it.

And if that’s available to us, why keep running through guys? Why not instead choose a guy and walk with him through his struggles? Maybe he’ll do the same for you.

Bring on an ass kicking

This is what Teri tries to do. And for a while it works. But then Donny does something so freaking disgusting, even I was shocked when it happened. I won’t ruin the show with a spoiler. I’ll just say for Teri, it was the final straw. Later in the series we see her again, dating another guy.

Nava Mau surprised me as an actress. I was confused when she first appeared because my radar pinged her as trans, but she passed so completely. Her acting, however, really won me over. It was so passionate, so spirited. So raw. I wonder if she drew on her own experiences dating men. Looking at her Instagram profile, she may be into women. If that’s the case, she’s an even better actress.

I particularly enjoyed that the show portrayed her as a professional, with her own home and her own life. What also surprised me though was when she and Donny’s stalker squared off in one espisode, I expected Teri to beat the living daylights out of that girl.

That wouldn’t have been consistent with the plot though. So I can see why her character didn’t give that crazy stalker an ass kicking. Still, many of the trans women I’ve met not only are smart and capable, they’re more than willing to bring an ass kicking to the table if necessary. Which is another thing I admire about certain trans women: they’re tough. They have to be given what many go through.

It’s just too bad so many let what they go through also shape their expectations, especially in the dating realm. Which is why I started this blog.

Meeting our match isn’t coincidence

Now let’s be clear. Plenty of trans women like Teri exist in the world. Read that again men. If you’re not meeting them, it’s because you’re not a match to them. They have things going on. While you may find them on online dating sites, I don’t think they’re at bars. So finding them means letting go of preconceived notions about how to date. It also means letting go of the idea that you know where to find her.

Meeting such women usually means such connections happening by “chance”. People like that term “chance”. “Coincidence” is another word they love. From The Transamorous Network’s perspective, however, chance and coincidence aren’t real. What’s really happening when a trans woman suddenly appears on our path is in that moment we’ve allowed our desire for relationship dominate expectations that such a relationship isn’t possible.

In other words, the Universe is showing us that what we think is impossible is, in fact, possible. Which explains why usually, when such meetings happen, the girl is with someone already. It’s not that she’s meant for us, she’s meant to show us what’s available; when we let go of stories keeping what’s available on the horizon.

I say if you want a transgender partner, the best approach is letting it happen naturally, not trying to make it happen. Trying to make it happen brings us matches matching ALL we are – warts and all. Better to let it happen in divine timing, a timing that also allows us to become better matches.

So that when our match does show up, the match has more of what we want than what we don’t.