#transamor

[beyond-mogai-pride-flags]

Transamorous Pride Flag

Transamory: describing a relationship and/or attraction involving transgender individuals.

It's similar to the bicurious flag, however with trans* flag colors using a purple lowercase tau (Greek letter, τ) in the middle.

[ecstasaxx]

Slaying the day always ❤️❤️

[daybreakthing]

Transamoric

(pt: Transamoric /end pt)

Transamoric; a term for relationships that include at least one trans individual!

etymology; trans, amoric!

for anon!

tagging; @radiomogai!

[transamorousnetwork]

No, Sexual Abuse Doesn’t Create Trans-Attracted People

Back in May I gushed about the Netflix Limited Series “Baby Reindeer”. My focus, obviously, wasn’t on the main plot, but the sub plot; that being the main character “Donny’s” trans-attraction. I gushed about it because I thought the entire series did a great job describing how shame and self-loathing can create a truly, sucky life.

Which is exactly what Donny lived.

While writing that series of posts, I received an interesting comment from a trans-attracted guy. The comment made a point I hadn’t considered. I hadn’t considered it because I don’t believe the point the writer made about trans attraction or about the show. So the point went right over my head.

I’m glad then, that the commenter made the point. It’s worth taking a closer look at it.

So let’s take a look at what he wrote, then unpack what he’s saying.

The comment

Reading between the lines of his comment, it’s clear the writer isn’t ashamed of his trans attraction. Not only that, it seems he’s out about it. That’s great. So here’s what he had to say. I’ve added some clarifications [in brackets] for reasons that will be obvious:

I was baffled at first that people kept asking me if I’d seen Baby Reindeer – I’ve never seen *any* must-see TV shows. Then I realised there was this cis-trans relationship subplot. People I know wanted to know how I felt about that because they know of my own orientation and dating experience… I thought [transgender actress] Nava Mau’s performance was fantastic and [her character] “Teri” was probably the only likable and relatable person in the show tbh. But I did feel that the show let her down in plot terms. No exposition at all for *why* the main character decided to go on a trans dating site. In an ideal world, sure, it would be unremarkable, but in the real world, it’s obviously not something everyone *just does*. And in that absence of explanation it felt uncomfortably like we were supposed to see it as some kind of sexual trauma response to his previous experiences as revealed in ep. 3. When, after their split, he hardly seemed to give her another thought, that seemed to reinforce that she was almost just a plot device to show him going through stages of trauma and self-questioning. Given that it’s based on a true story, of course, that may just be a reflection of this individual’s reality. And yes, that reality may reflect a wider reality of a lot of cis man/trans woman relationships. But I guess I’m just disappointed that the plotline in that regard always seems to be one of trauma, hangups, internalised shame, etc. That’s not at all my experience in my own relationship, and I’d like for once to see that portrayed! So as representation goes, yes, Teri was a triumph, but as a portrayal of a relationship between a trans woman and a trans-attracted man I felt it was a lot less positive.

Shallow thinking creates condemnation

I really like this guy’s perspective. And, he’s right. I believe a trend exists in the minds of people that trans attraction is a response to some unsavory past. Often, that past includes sexual “trauma”. And while that may be true for some, I don’t think that’s true for the majority of trans-attracted men.

The commenter, clearly, hasn’t had that experience. As well, most of the men I’ve worked with also don’t have sexual “trauma” they’re responding to. Many of them did experience an event which surfaced what may have previously been unconscious orientation behavior. But sexual abuse “trauma” doesn’t create trans attraction in people.

Take me, for example. I didn’t realize my trans-attraction until a girlfriend in Japan took me to a bar that featured trans go-go dancers. That doesn’t qualify as sexual trauma or abuse. But it did open my eyes to an aspect of who I was.

One could say the trope that trans-attracted men trans attracted because of past sexual abuse parallels the idea that trans women are just “men in a dress”. Like the latter, the former offers no introspection or analysis. Nor does it reveal any effort on the part of the speaker to understand trans attraction, nor the men (and women) who orient that way sexually. Such comments don’t point to a truth. They just represent shallow thinking on the part of the person expressing them.

Which is why they’re worthy of us ignoring them.

Another trope needing examination

Trans-attraction is just as valid as any other sexual orientation. For transgender people, it is an important orientation. That’s because such people represent perfect matches for trans people. And because of that, trans people can find love they desire.

I’ve written before about how every sock finds its shoe. The way the Universe works, no aspect of being goes unmatched. There always exists someone to match someone who wants to match with someone.

Now, some people do exist for which no match exists. Such people eventually discover they are happier without relationships. I’ve known women who, after dating men and women, for example, discover their best relationship is with themselves.

That’s a great realization to come to. But it often comes after trial and error. Because all of us are conditioned so strongly to have a relationship. Otherwise something is wrong with us. And that’s another expression that’s gone without much examination.

A lot more happiness would exist if people didn’t try fitting themselves into the box the peanut gallery prescribes. That goes for trans people, trans-attracted people and everyone else.

Stories DO create reality though

All that said, I did have a client who believed part of his experience in desiring trans women came from what HE considered to be sexual trauma involving a relative. After looking at what happened over several months, however, we discovered a couple things about that experience. One, such sexual experimentation between relatives is very common. It’s not sexual abuse. And two, his role in it was far less offensive than he was making it.

In other words, his stories about what happened shaped his judgments about what happened. They also shaped his self-judgement. A self-judgement so harsh he contemplated suicide many times. 

These days, however, this client is becoming more and more free of his negative stories. As a result he’s finding himself more comfortable accepting who he is, what he likes, and what happened in the past.

And that’s the point of all of this. Our stories create our realities. That’s why it’s so important looking at the stories we have. Looking at them we change those that create experiences we don’t like. Every experience we don’t like comes as a result of beliefs we hold. That means any experience we don’t like we have the power to change.

I think Donny, the main character in Baby Reindeer showed us this. By changing his stories he came to embrace who he was. The result not only transformed his life, it also produced a sensational hit streaming show.

Read my series on that show here: Post one, post two, three and four.

[swordoftheberserkgutsrage]

just saw a tme with "transamorous" in their bio

[feralradicalbastards]

Self indulgent alter pack ✨

Making this for a introject fragment-ish creature that is sourced from Test Tube from Experiment 21 (for those who actually know what Exp 21 is lol).

⟦ 🌱 ⟧ ⟣ Name(s): Test Tube, Testy, TMK / MK, Metallic, Metal, Data(base?), Atom, Atomia, Acid, Hazard, Radon, Tox, Bane, and/or Rudy.

⟦ 🍄 ⟧ ⟣ Age: 26 y/o - Sinage & Mutoage (Older when working or studying, younger when not). 16 at youngest, 31 at oldest.

⟦ 🌻 ⟧ ⟣ Gender: ANBAB (Assigned Non-Binary At Birth), Themisfeminine, ParaNB, AEnAB, Hazardgender, Pridian, Wrathian, Nucleartoxic, Refehazardcomfic, Insanebodiment, Coriumgender, Vilegender, antisocialstalker, 🧪emojic, ASPDdeity, abandonic, and geniuscientist

⟦ 🥞 ⟧ ⟣ Pronouns (3rd): she/her, sh3/h3r, they/them, it/its, tox/toxic/toxicself, vile/vileself, acid/acidself, insa/insanity/insanes/insaneself, haz/hazardous/hazards/hazardself, sci/science/scienceself, mur/murder/murderself, une/unethical/unethicalself, exper/experiment/experimentself, disea/disease/diseaself, ☣️/☣️self, ☢️/☢️self, 🧪/🧪self, and 🔬/🔬self

⟦ 🍂 ⟧ ⟣ Pronouns (2nd): you/your/yours/yourself, tox/toxir/toxics/toxicself, and 🦠/🦠r/🦠rs/🦠self

⟦ 🐑 ⟧ ⟣ Pronouns (1st): I/me/my/mine/myself, Ri/ra/ray/radine/radiationself, and 🧪/🧪/🧪y/🧪ine/🧪self

⟦ 🌿 ⟧ ⟣ Orientation: Bisexual & Omniromantic (fem-leaning for romantic & sexual attraction). Nerd4Nerd & Noetisexual (Preference but does not control attraction).

⟦ 🌷 ⟧ ⟣ Species: Living Test Tube w/ unknown acid inside.

⟦ 🧺 ⟧ ⟣ Role(s) & Abilities: Lone Wolf (Can sometimes shift into Outlaw role depending on mood & relationship with system), prone to being a Malicitor, and Archivist.

⟦ 🍀 ⟧ ⟣ Source(s): Test Tube from Experiment 21 (Call-back to this post lmaooo)

⟦ 🍓 ⟧ ⟣ TransID(s): TransASPD, Transmadscientist, Transunethicalscientist, Transkidnapper, Iterprogrammer (Transtransprogrammer), Highintelligian & HighIQian, Transcoldbodtemp, Transamoral (Transid for amorality), Transmurderer, Transabuser, and Transhalfblind

⟦ 🧸 ⟧ ⟣ CisID(s): Autistic, OSD (MUD), Weird, Permalonely, Superiority Complex, and Objectkin.

⟦ 🍃 ⟧ ⟣ Paraphilia(s): Sadist, ⚰️, Baisto, and Apagophilia

⟦ 🍯 ⟧ ⟣ Personality: Sh3 is highly creative, not very social (introverted), and is very dedicated to it’s own work (whatever that may be for her). While it can come off as sweet and silly, sh3 has a “second personality” that circles around being cold, decisive, and selfish. Due to h3r being prone to immorality, tox has a higher chance of being a persecutor; distancing insaneself from all others for her own morbid curiosity.

⟦ 🌸 ⟧ ⟣ Interests: Psychology, Physiology, Technology, AI, Social Science, and Writing.

⟦ 🌻 ⟧ ⟣ Dislikes: A lack of order, not understanding or knowing something,

⟦ 🥐 ⟧ ⟣ Signoff(s): 🧪, TMK, 🧬, 🦠, or 🔬

⟦ 🥧 ⟧ ⟣ Other: ngl, I love this. Made a moodboard out of boredom. Ours for some reason has a human form, so if you want to make a similar alter, that’s a detail that can be included lmao.

Disclaimer: An headmate/alter does not need to be exactly as specified, and we do not support forcing an headmate/alter to be exactly as specified. Also, we are not responsible for anything that a headmate/alter made from this does. 

[play-now-my-lord]

Comics exhaust me because they're a world where characters can't have clearly defined inner lives - or they can, but they'll be a different inner life each time, written by a different hired hand reading from the same broad-strokes notes, so it's as close to 'can't have clearly defined inner lives' as makes no difference - and yet we're constantly asked to give a shit that one of them is some new form of gay now, which can't possibly matter to them as they're written on the page. "Did you hear in the latest Aquaman he's a transamorous demiboy" I need you to name five wildflowers indigenous to your area immediately

[perestroika-hilton]

Ever notice how male bisexuality really only expresses itself through transamorousness

[t4transsexual]

t4t masterpost

im gonna make a whole post with definitions, misconceptions, ect. of being t4t for anybody who this may aid later.

what is t4t?

being t4t or transamorous as a trans person (i wanna see the term transamorous used more often by t4t people tbh) can mean a number of different things, and it doesnt have to be limited to sexual/romantic encounters either.

the general definition is being a trans person who either prefers to or exclusively forms any kind of relationship with other trans people, especially romantic and sexual relationships. for some people, being t4t applies only to romantic and/or sexual relationships, for others, it can extend to friendships and even professional relationships (ie. preferring a trans therapist). though, youre more likely to see t4t people who being t4t only extends to romantic or sexual relationships, and maybe platonic as well.

being t4t romantically/sexually can mean a number of different things. it can mean that one may prefer to date trans people but wouldnt be opposed to a cisgender partner. it can also mean that that trans person only seeks out relationships with other trans people, but if one with a cis person manifested itself, they may not be opposed. for others, myself, the t4t is non-negotiable, and we ONLY form relationships like that with other trans people; some of us dont even feel attracted to cis people anymore for trauma reasons or the like.

what reasons would a trans person have to be exclusively t4t?

theres plenty of different reasons, but they mostly boil down to the fact that its just safer to date/form relationships as a trans person if theyre with other trans people. yes, theres plenty of trans people who are horrible partners, but in my experience from dating trans people vs cis people, the trans people ive dated had each had unique issues that contributed to the end of the relationship, and none of these issues had to do with either of our genders. however, with the cis people ive dated, it was like a pattern. they were always weird about me being trans, they were always transphobic in some sort of way, and they always believed that they WERENT transphobic because they were willing to date a trans person. and im not the kind of person to do the same things over and over and expect a different outcome.

DISCLAIMER: i mention several times throughout this post that dating trans people as a trans person is generally safer/easier than dating cis people. i do believe this, but you can still be abused and hurt by trans people. my trans ex girlfriend tried to kill me. being t4t doesn't guarantee safety; its still your responsibility to notice red flags and react accordingly. stay safe out there!

you can still be hurt by a trans person, but youre much less likely to run into hangups about gender, transition, and personal values regarding being trans if you date trans people. youre generally not going to run into someone with a savior complex because they date trans people, or someone who will emotionally manipulate you when you call them out on their transphobia if you just date trans people in the first place.

what does being t4t look like?

any trans person can be t4t. there are many gay trans people who are t4t, and many lesbian trans people who are t4t. theres trans bisexuals/pansexuals who are t4t. people on the aromantic/asexual spectrums can also be t4t. there are straight t4t people, like me. these relationships can be monogamous or polyamorous; theres are polycules of exclusively trans people.

for many, being t4t is a conscious choice. being transamorous isnt a sexuality, its a preference. many transamorous trans people can feel attracted to cis people, but may not want to form a relationship with them on the basis that theyre t4t. attraction isnt consent.

isnt t4t just like being a chaser?

i wont deny the existence of trans chasers who happen to be trans, but trans bodies arent a fetish. yes, there are people who fetishize trans bodies, but this isnt every person who is attracted to trans people (and yes, this includes cis people) because we arent abnormal. trans people are perfectly natural, and attraction to trans bodies (even those that are that are pre/non op!) isnt a deviancy, its normal.

the idea that attraction to trans people is a deviancy and not the norm is inherently transphobic, and many trans people internalize this rhetoric, and develop trust issues around dating or having sex. the "wrong body" narrative can be true to some, but it isnt true to everyone. i personally wouldnt want to be cis, and many other trans people feel this way too. attraction to trans bodies is normal, because trans bodies are beautiful.

then what IS a chaser?

a chaser is a person whos attraction (and therefore acceptance) of trans people is dependent on them fulfilling a certain role. many chasers dont view trans people outside of pornography, and so they have a warped idea of what a trans person is. a chaser isnt defined solely by their attraction to trans bodies, because EVERYONE is attracted to trans bodies. they are instead defined by their behavior towards trans people. more often than not, because chasers don't interact with trans people outside of a pornographic lense, they dont see trans people as human, or really as anything beyond an idea to get them off. a relationship with a chaser is often degrading, one sided, and controlling. many chasers dont want their trans interests to get certain gender affirming care, such as hormones, or surgeries.

if youre a trans person who cant tell the difference between someone who isnt opposed to dating a trans person (cis or trans), and a chaser, there are definitely things to look for. the main sign that youre interacting with a chaser is that you may feel degraded just by interacting with them in an intimate way. chasers are known to do that.

transfemme tops and transmasc bottoms

many people have called me a chaser when i (st4t) have expressed that i prefer to date transfemme tops. ill go ahead and explain: im straight and a bottom. i just happen to date mostly trans women. im not seeking out transfemme tops because theyre trans tops, im seeking them out because they align with my sexuality and transamorous preference. i also dont have a genital preference, and transfeminine people can have vaginas.

now that thats out of the way, remember that there are many different ways to have sex, even as a trans person. some transmasc bottoms dont use their natal genitalia to bottom, some transfemme tops dont use their natal genitalia to top. there are many different ways to top or bottom for somebody, no matter what genitals are involved. many trans women use strap ons to top, for example. hrt can also alter how our genitals work.

final note

t4t trans people arent chasers, and t4t is, imo, the safest way for a trans person to date!

[dollcestz]

iNTRO ★

lei ﾉ yumi ﾉ ame . she ﾉ it ﾉ idol . 14 . xenogen nb girl . polyam grayaroace ply lesbian . rentry && relationship application && conabuse form previously dollcesse, idollcesse, and dolleiette

cis afro-latinx, intersex, deity, autism, adhd, tourette's, psychotic, bipolar, ocd, trichotillomania, bpd, npd, maladaptive daydreaminng, alexithymia, hEDS, HOH, hypersexual, harmful, harmed, trauma, yandere, fictionkin, irl (feel free to ask for my sources!)

trans benefitfluxracial, transAIAB, mutofemme, transcanadian, pandemstuck, permateen, severitistic+, transDID, transpolyconscious, transpolyfragmented, transsevnpd, transnoempathy, nullremorse, transamoral, transhyperthyroidism, transepilepsy, transwheelchair, transharmed, transharmful, diapornaddict, transcamgirl, transradfriends, transrqfamous, transinterceleb, transworshipped, transparasocialrelationship, transfiction

MUDs surveillance perception disorder, split personality disorder, hypersexual fantasy disorder, self-containing/recurrent deja vu disorder, compulsive perfectionism disorder, possessive attachment disorder, manipulative personality disorder, aplatonic disorder, intense emotion impulse disorder, parasocial personality disorder, compulsive victim personality disorder, kawaii escapism syndrome, antisoidionic disorder

paras 🗺️, 🧸, 🍭, 🗺️💝, 🫒 🍸, 👏🪄, 👥, 🌼, hypno, cgl ﾉ ageplay

misc hpd-presenting, attention seeker, pervert, icky kiddo, icky pet, dumb puppy, 🗺️bait, perixs, ophimsatanist

no dni . the idol will block you if you make her uncomfortable . the idol uses a typing quirk , talks in 3rd person , && uses titles . please give her transitioning tips , she's desperate and dysphoric /nf /lh

[girldickrights]

me if being transamorous is made illegal

[beyond-mogai-pride-flags]

GayLTM Pride Flag

Gayltm (GLTM/G4TM/Gay4TM): similar to gaylm (GLM/G4M or gay4m) and MLTM (M4TM)/NBLTM (NLTM/N4TM/NB4TM), a term describing gay attraction to trans men and/or transmasculine individuals; being gay for transgender men and/or transmasculine folks (transtidals); a veldian (gay mlm/nblm/nlm/qlm/mlq) attracted to transmasc and/or trans male people.

MLTM Pride Flag

MLTM (man loving trans man or masc loving transmasc): a term for masculine folks and men attracted to and/or in a relationship with trans men and/or transmasculine folks; transamorous vincian or homoamorous/equaric transmascic.

This can be useful for T4T people and individuals in such achillean/vincian relationships

[ecstasaxx]

Good morning 😍🌅

[pascalishere]

I need to get caught up in either a transamorous cuddle-fuck fest or a jewel heist. Either works

[transamorousnetwork]

The Hidden Life Of Trans Attraction Revealed In Daring “Baby Reindeer”

Baby Reindeer is an amazing show. The Netflix Limited Series tells a true story of an aspiring comedian and trans-attracted Britisher who makes his way through his extreme (this is film making after all) self-loathing, which lives alongside an equally sensitive emotional state.

And while events that unfold in the series are intense and in some cases hard to watch (and well depicted) they ring accurate for me, both as a Transamorous person and as someone who assists trans-attracted men with casting off their self-loathing and embracing who and what they are.

In this post, I want to share experiences I’ve heard from my clients. I want to compare them to what happens in Baby Reindeer and celebrate this show as an awesome milestone, one many in the trans community have been hoping for for years.

Fiction based on truth

First, let’s get this on the record: Baby Reindeer is HIGHLY FICTIONALIZED. It’s also dark, gritty and intense. That said, I find it an extremely accurate portrayal of trans-attracted men. How can I claim that?

Because I’ve talked with many trans-attracted men. I’ve also assisted such men get over their self-hatred, accept themselves and find peace with what they are. I’m also transamorous myself.

Many of us share similar characteristics. Chief among those: either an intense self-hatred or shame. We also share extremely fine-tuned emotional sensitivity. I believe that’s because we are a blend of both male and female energies, just as many trans women are. Nearly all the men I’ve spoken to or work with try first making a relationship work with cis women. Those nearly always end in break ups or divorce, leaving the men lonely, alone and having to face head-on their trans attraction. Finally, at least some of the men at one time or another contemplated ending it all before they turned their self-hatred or shame into acceptance.

Donny, the main character in Baby Reindeer, experiences all of these characteristics. If you’ve seen the show, then, you know Donny hates himself in the extreme. But his emotional sensitivity equals his self-hatred. This explains why Donny ends up enabling Martha, the stalker. He can’t bear seeing her pain. So he reacts to her in welcoming ways. The resonance he feels mirrors Martha’s self-loathing. And hers mirrors his. In other words, they’re a perfect match.

Donny also fails at romance with his cis girlfriend although they remain close friends afterwards. Donny doesn’t try killing himself, but his sexual rampage after getting raped very much reflects suicidal sentiment. He acknowledges this in the series.

Donny’s story may be fictionalized, but parts of it ring true for many trans-attracted men.

^^Baby Reindeer is number one on Netflix. (From Nava Mau's instagram.)

Rings true for me too…

My experience mirrors some of this too. Though “hating myself” would have been an over exaggeration, I did find myself in fairly intense feelings of shame. But that shame didn’t keep me from acting out on my trans attraction, late at night in bars, through personal ads and dating sites and in random encounters.

Like Donny, I too am emotionally sensitive. These days I’d call it “intuitive”. It makes me great at what I do for clients. My feminine energy is quite pronounced too. When expressing myself to those with keen gaydar, I’m often mistaken as gay (instead of queer). 

Can you see how that last part might cause trans-attracted men to double down on their shame? Trans-attracted men are not homosexual. But being mistaken as one can cause a guy to feel really confused…which is what happened to Donny by the way. 

Relationships with cis gender women litter my history too. Not all were horrible. But all fizzled. Looking back it’s no wonder. Especially when contrasted with how it feels being with a trans woman.

Thankfully killing myself never entered the picture. Even back then, I knew I had more to do calling me. Nevertheless, it’s clear to me that my trans attraction created situations trying to get my attention. Thank goodness I listened. This blog would not exist without me having heard their call.

A supportive trans woman is gold

It’s clear then that many trans-attracted men find themselves wracked by shame. Shame plus fear create a potent cocktail. It will literally cause these men to hide in the shadows. And, since many trans women consider these men the bane of their existence, these men, like Donny, end up suffering alone.

What’s interesting: the moment Donny confesses to himself and others all he’s been hiding, that hidden life evaporates. His freedom becomes pronounced. Trans-attracted men don’t need trans women to support them. But it sure makes the coming out easier. Which is exactly what happened in Baby Reindeer when Teri showed up.

Donny meets Teri through a trans dating site. She’s the breath of sanity and fresh air in the entire series. Played extraordinarily well by trans woman Nava Mau, the character both supports and challenges Donny. In my opinion, her support goes to the extreme. I won’t spoil the story. You should watch it.

The point is, a lesson exists in the Teri character for trans women. Even though Donny doesn’t use Teri’s support to move through his shame, and eventually loses her, that needn’t be the outcome of every potential cis-trans relationship. Indeed, as I’ve written before, I know many long-term relationships between trans-attracted/transamorous men and their transgender lovers.

I encourage trans women that if they want a man, they might want to help a trans-attracted man overcome his shame. It’s not an easy task. Some men can move through the process easier than others. But ultimately, as with Teri, the choice is the trans woman’s. Not every girl’s up for that.

Revealing and soothing

Baby Reindeer offers so much illumination on the subject of trans attraction. I don’t think Richard Gadd, the show’s creator, intended it to be about trans attraction per se. The show mainly focuses on Donny’s downward spiral, which ultimately ends with upliftment, all at the hands of an intense, long-term stalking episode. Still, so many things about trans attraction get revealed in this show, I’d say it’s a must watch for anyone wanting to understand a not-well-understood phenomena happening around and within the transgender community.

More than that, watching the series can do two really powerful things. One, it can soothe the really strong aversion many trans women have about such men, through giving them a sense of emotional understanding for what these men go through. Two, it can help the men better understand and accept themselves. And all that happens in a show that is beautiful, clever, surprising and, yes, revealing.

Go watch it.

[plainwaterpdf]

I actually want to make the T&C's zine (tgirls and their lesbian chasers). Been having so many interesting conversations about trans girlhood with the dolls and transamorous desire with the chasers I think it would be very cool to formalise it via a series of mutual interviews. We could do a secret Santa type draw to decide who interviews whom.... this idea is getting more and more epic the more I think about it.