#traumatic but funny

[nothing0fnothing]

People don't beleive me when I say my dad disowned me over spaghetti so I'm gonna tell you the story of how I found out I was adopted to kinda, give context to his character.

I was 12 and the last time I saw my birth father I was 3 or 4, so I just grew up with the assumption that the people I lived with were both my birth parents. I'd just started at my secondary school and everything was fine.

While I was at that secondary school I reconnected with my cousin, who I hadn't seen for about 4 years. Because we had met and talked he decided to drop by my parents house to see my mum one day after school. We never talked about it, I had no idea he was planning on coming round.

I was in the kitchen playing with PlayDoh while the rest of my family were pottering about and my dad noticed a boy around my age in the uniform for my school, walking up the drive to our front door.

He didn't recognise him as my cousin, because he'd grown up so much since he last saw him. So he assumed, before he'd even knocked the door, before he even spoke to him, before he even saw his face, that my cousin was my boyfriend. So he began screaming.

He started, demanding to know why there were boys coming to the house to call for me, insisting I was playing dumb, and accusing me of doing something to cause this interaction.

My mum had entered the kitchen as my cousin knocked on the door and he told my mum that I was her daughter, not his, that he wanted their parenting in future to reflect that and that she needed to deal with this herself because he was not my real father.

Then he answered the door and realised it was my cousin.

So like, yeah, he was absolutely the type of guy to disown me over pasta.

I didn't get an apology, nobody explained any of it to me, whenever I asked wtf this "I'm not your real dad" tantrum was both my parents pretended it didn't happen and that I was making it up.

[chloesimaginationthings]

Mike is gonna dread the next FNAF movie,,

[ao3-crack]

(x)

[solaneceae]

CHAINSAW PEOPLE, RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT

CHAINSAW GIRL, CANNOT REPENT, REPENT, REPENT

i miss q!baghera so much. please let her come back broken, let her rage, let her be angry and flawed and bitter.

commission, art by the very skilled @blackberry-s0da

[darkeneddawning]

Escaped clone au

You know all those fics where Danny and Damian are twins but everyone first assumes Danny must be a clone? How about an au where Danny is Damian's clone who escaped the League after he was assumed dead. Damian could even have been the one to have "killed" him, back when Danny was a newly created, fully brainwashed clone minion and trying to kill Damian himself.

Danny gets adopted by the Fentons and canon goes on as normal, until Dan. Witnessing what would happen to the world should he turn evil really drove home to Danny how dangerous he is.

Even if he was confident he could be trusted with his absurd amount of power (which he isn't), what if the League of Assassins found out about him? Does he still have programming triggers from his evil assassin clone conditioning?

So, Danny does the responsible thing: he goes to Batman to turn himself in.

Cue Danny showing up on Bruce's doorstep with ghost hunting equipment, intel on the afterlife, and an almost unbelievable backstory. Somehow he still managed to be more well-adjusted than Damian.

More thoughts under the read more

Here's how I'm thinking Danny leaving the League went down:

After surviving his wounds but failing his mission, Danny (then an unnamed potential Damian replacement) knew there was no point in returning to the League. As a failure, he was meant to be disposed of. He even thought of simply allowing himself to perish, since that was what the League would do.

But he couldn't help but feel as though that would be a waste of a resource. Surely he could be of more use to the League alive than dead?

That tiny bit of rebellious logic is what caused Danny to go into hiding, only living on based on the off chance he would find opportunities to further the League's goals. Obviously, that mentality didn't last long after being exposed to the real world and meeting one Jazz Fenton.

Being adopted by the Fentons was the best cover Danny could have asked for, since any odd behavior he couldn't hide while he was learning how to be "normal" was totally overshadowed by the sheer bizarre eccentricity of his new parents. He was still the neighborhood weird kid, but even that was a major upgrade from disposable tool, so Danny considered it a win.

Anyway, if anyone likes this idea, please feel free to have at it! Interpret it as you please :)

[wasyago]

old men

[seagull-scribbles]

[kyouka-supremacy]

Please I need to know how Mori made a slitted throat look like a natural death. Please

[atlix2]

i couldnt watch the episode yesterday

[taxinealkaloids]

horrible children who are. so so mean to each other

[kagoutiss]

din’s champion

[nothing0fnothing]

A story of a family holiday:

INTERIOR. PIZZERIA. ITALY. EVENING.

MY EXTENDED FAMILY SIT AT A 20 TOP TABLE. MY SISTER I ARE THE ONLY CHILDREN, SISTER AGED ( EIGHT) I AM AGED (TWELVE). WE ARE ALL DRESSED IN SUNDAY CLOTHES, THE ADULTS ARE SIPPING FROM BOTTLES OF RED WINE. EVERYONE IS HAVING A MERRY, FESTIVE TIME

As the food gets set down at the table my sister realises the pizza she is sharing with our father has a sprig of basil on it.

SISTER: HEY THERE IS A LEAF ON IT.

FATHER: AND??

SISTER: CAN YOU HAVE THE SIDE WITH THE LEAF ON IT?

FATHER: NO. (ANGRY) WHY DO YOU CARE IF THERES A LEAF ON IT?

SISTER: I DON'T I'M JUST SAYING YOU CAN HAVE IT

FATHER: YOU CAN PICK IT OFF IF IT BOTHERS YOU

SISTER: OKAY

She picks the basil leaf off of her side of the pizza and puts it on to the side of her plate.

FATHER: OH SO NOW YOU'RE NOT GOING TO EAT IT??

SISTER: (CONFUSED) NO..

FATHER: WHY NOT??

SISTER: IT'S A LEAF.

My sister had literally never eaten a green thing in her life at this point. She was a meat, cheese, bread person from infancy.

UNCLE: (USED TO MY FATHER MAKING A SCENE AND NOT WANTING TO HAVE HIS EXPENSIVE VACATION DINNER RUINED BY A BASIL LEAF) I'LL EAT IT (HE TAKES THE LEAF FROM MY SISTERS PLATE AND EATS IT.)

FATHER: (TAKES EXCEPTION TO THAT)

FADE TO BLACK.

EXTERIOR. PIZZERIA. ITALY. EVENING.

POLICE ARRIVING TO THE SCENE.

[sunnystrollblog]

How Bruce found out about branch

[sunflowergraves]

[shima-draws]

Aww they missed him (and his cooking) so much 😭

[omaano]

“How’d you get stuck with babysitting duty anyway?” Boba asked one day during dinner. “Oh, I volunteered for this,” Fox told him. “Why the kark would you do that?” “Language,” Fox admonished. “Well, I was just living my normal boring life and I thought to myself, ‘I don’t get called an ugly piece of banthashit often enough.’ So I decided to adopt you.” Boba snorted. “You’re a psychopath,” he told Fox. “I’ve been called worse,” Fox replied breezily. Boba doesn’t find a new family and Fox doesn’t become anybody’s dad; an adoption story.

@bilbosmom-belladonna commissioned me to illustrate a scene from her delightful fic Trying to Escape What You Can't Let Go. She was amazing to work with and you should absolutely check out her fun little found family story!