#tw: attempted rape mention

[elysianholly]

The First

So I’m in Season 3 of my Buffy rewatch and just passed Amends, and holy cow, is this ever an informative episode.

We have the first appearance of The First, who will go dormant again for four years until emerging as the Big Bad in Season 7. The entire conceit of this episode is The First understands Angel’s desires and weaknesses and tries to manipulate those to its own end.

And what is Angel’s desire? Buffy, obviously.

The First knows Angel has the capacity to hurt Buffy. He's done so already, after all. More than anyone else has at this point in the series.

And in fairness to Angel—he is trying very hard in this episode. He’s being tormented by visions of his victims, most prominently the visage of Jenny Calendar. These visions weaken him to the point where he shows up in Buffy’s room specifically to tell her to “stay away from him.” But he can’t stay away from her—even Buffy points out that he’s not making any sense.

And there is Jenny Calendar in the background, saying:

“She wants you to touch her. What are you waiting for?” “She wants you to taste her. Think of the peace. You'll never have to see us again.”

Essentially making the “she was asking for it” case to goad Angel into SAing Buffy. This wouldn’t be nearly as telling on its own, without Angel’s admission at the end of the episode:

Angel: It told me to kill you. You were in the dream. You know. It told me to lose my soul in you and become a monster again. Buffy: I know what it told you. What does it matter? Angel: Because I wanted to! Because I want you so badly! I want to take comfort in you, and I know it'll cost me my soul, and a part of me doesn't care.

Now, it’s important to acknowledge that despite this desire, Angel did not give in. He did not SA Buffy. He did not try to touch her. He chose death instead. It is equally important, however, to acknowledge that the reason he was so tormented in this episode is because The First was appealing to an existing desire that he was trying to suppress, specifically the knowledge that:

He could do this

He has done this

Some part of him still wants to do this

The “Because I wanted to” admission is everything. Without it, The First has no hold on Angel. Remove the Buffy of it all and The First could taunt him with victims past, sure, but its goal was very specific: get Angel to go bad. And failing that, get Angel to remove himself from the equation. I’m sure it would have also accepted “get Angel to violate Buffy and spiral even further” because, as we see at the end, the Powers need him to believe in himself. The best way to get Angel to not believe in himself is to make him responsible for harming Buffy.

Anyway, skip ahead. Like four years ahead.

We have almost the exact same situation. Spike is newly souled and tormented by both his past victims and especially what he did to Buffy. We have The First now appearing AS BUFFY to Spike, Spike incapable of discerning what’s real and what’s not, and confirmation that The First definitely has plans for him. Plans that will position him in opposition to Buffy, weaken her, and essentially kill any chance that she will do exactly what she ends up doing.

It’s also important to note that Spike is much less mentally sound than Angel was when The First starts fucking with him.

So what does The First do? It brainwashes him. It notably does not try to convince Spike that Buffy “wants him to touch her.” It does not play on an existing desire to cause Buffy harm. It does not attempt to appeal to the part of Spike that assaulted Buffy in the bathroom the way it appealed to the part of Angel that spent years happily assaulting women before he was cursed.

And this is important because if that desire existed, there would be literally no reason for The First not to use it. Are we expected to believe The First evolved in the years since it attempted to goad Angel into attacking Buffy because “she was asking for it?" That orchestrating another assault wouldn’t further isolate Spike, if not drive him to do what Angel nearly did and remove himself from the equation entirely? We know from later in the season that The First is fine with Spike killing himself. Hell, we're shown that if The First can't use Spike, it wants him dead and is willing to manipulate others to see that realized.

But The First literally had to brainwash Spike to get him to do anything it wants, and the second it unleashes him on Buffy, he snaps out of it. She brings him back to the light. She says she'll help him.

And The First is noticeably pissed off. This was not what it wanted. Spike under Buffy's care was dangerous to its goal.

So why didn’t it try to manipulate Spike into assaulting Buffy again? Make sure she'd never invite him back inside her home? Why didn't it appeal to his worst urges the way it did Angel?

Angel: Because I wanted to!

Like I said, Amends is an informative episode. It shows us how The First operates (doubled down in S7 with its manipulation of Robin Wood). Even more, how The First interacts with Angel compared to how it interacts with Spike tells us a lot about who these characters are as men, as vampires, and specifically men who have hurt Buffy.

[curtwilde]

Vivek Agnihotri made terrible joke on rape

For him rape is fine as long as it's not Kashmiri or Bangladeshi Hindu women getting raped because he can't make a sanghi propaganda movie and money out of it.

I hope he chokes and dies.

[myriad--starlings]

do you ever think about how. the first relationships you have with people shape you kind of fundamentally in some ways. and it's not that you can't change that, but it will definitely take time and work to change those things, if you need to. because I sure think about how the first person I fucking dated raped me and left me with a head full of so many different kinds of neuroses!

[agena87]

50 questions: Alfie's Edition

(Those answers are meant to apply to post-Kiyoshi!Al, before he gets together with Wolfie & Mal)

1. What would completely break your oc? He is pretty broken already, but finding himself face to face with Kiyoshi, or even hearing his voice on the phone would finish him off, so to speak. The mere thought of him gets Al in a state of pure terror, so finding himself in contact, even indirectly, with him? It would be devastating and probably would send him right to the bottom of a few bottles.

2. What is the best thing in your oc’s life? At the moment, there aren't a lot of good things in Al's life. So, probably his family or his farm. His family, especially his mom, supports him and is always here when he hits rock bottom, though he feels like they are a bit overwhelming, and shouldn't worry about him, since he thinks he doesn't deserve it (rather, he thinks he deserves to be miserable). As for his farm, working there helps him clear his head a bit, though not enough to not turn to meds, alcohol, or a razor blade (or occasionally sex) to try to drown all the dark thoughts that plague him 24/7.

3. What is the worst thing in your oc’s life? Currently, the alcoholism, meds abuse, and self-harm. And of course, the trauma that is the cause of those self-destructive tendencies. Kiyoshi's face behind his eyelids each time he closes his eyes. The nightmares that awake him nearly every night, the physical pain from the event that caused his trauma, the event being Kiyoshi trying to kill him on their wedding day. Storytime! A few months after Wolfie left for Windenburg and met Jeb, and just a few days after Mal announced that he was going to be a father, Kiyoshi felt giddy that his “rivals” were not a threat anymore (I don’t know why Mal’s being a father meant that he would not love Al anymore, but Kiyoshi saw it that way since he was starting to become delusional at the time), and thought that it was a sign that he and Al were meant to be together forever. So, during a dinner with Al’s family, he proposed, which Al, being in denial of the situation he was in, accepted readily, to the chagrin of Agena – Al’s mother – who, while not knowing the extent of the abuse his son was enduring, knew that Kiyoshi was not the man Al should promise himself to. During the time between the engagement and the wedding, Al and Wolfie started talking again on the phone, and Al ended up inviting his best friend to the ceremony. Come the day of the wedding, Kiyoshi saw Wolfie and lost it. Enraged, he stormed the room where Al was getting dressed with the help of his aunts, Tabitha and Marie (note: he had decided to wear the dress his mother wore for her wedding with his father, Cédric – the dress she was still wearing when Cédric died from a heart attack in front of her). Kiyoshi threatened the two women, his crush on Tabitha long forgotten, to leave the room, and the moment they left and the door was locked, he started to shout at his fiancé, accusing him of cheating on him with Wolfie, and insulting him. Despite Al’s defense, Kyoshi didn’t listen and started to strangle him and shake him. After a few long minutes of this treatment, Kiyoshi wanted Al’s to stop talking (though he could barely utter a few words) and violently bashed his head against a wall twice. When people - namely Agena's cousin/parent, Seamus, and their husband, Karl, arrived at the scene, alerted by Tabi and Marie that something was off, Al was unconscious and barely breathing, while Kiyoshi was prostrated on the floor, crying and repeatedly asking for forgiveness. Despite Tabitha's best efforts to prevent her sister from seeing it - while trying to calm her girlfriend down (as the scene reminded her too much of her own brother dying on his wedding day), Agena stormed the room and, seeing her first son, lifeless, wearing the dress she wore when his father, the love of her life, died in front of her, she lost it. Usually a poor magic user, she destroyed the room in a fit of rage and would have killed Kiyoshi if Seamus hadn't managed to let her go of her magic. Al woke up, about ten days later, in the hospital.

4. Does your oc work so that they can support their hobbies or use their hobbies as a way of filling up the time they aren’t working? Actually, his work is also his main hobby. Since he was little, he always loved gardening and taking care of plants, thanks to his mom who transmitted him her love of botany. And taking care of his many animals (he has goats, chickens, a couple cows, ducks, a pig, a few rabbits, and a horse) doesn't feel like work to him either. He doesn’t really have any other hobby nowadays. Before everything that went wrong in his life, he loved reading or exercising, but now, he can’t concentrate enough to read more than a few pages at a time, and his physical health is shite and his work is all the exercise that he can bear (when he is even able to work – luckily, he has a farm hand to help – Agena, and his younger brother Paul-Louis, also lend him a hand sometimes).

5. What is your oc reluctant to tell people? So many things. He really doesn't tell anyone anything these days. But what he would never, under any circumstances, tell to anyone, is what was really happening with Kiyoshi behind closed doors; though they can easily imagine it (though they could never imagine enough).

6. How does your oc feel about sex? Before, Al thought of sex as something beautiful, something that made you and your significant other closer, a way to show your love. Now? Now he thinks of it as a way to pass the time or forget. Maybe a bargaining chip, if needed. Something dirty, yet necessary. Or when Kiyoshi's memories come to him, something to fear, a punishment. Yet, when he feels particularly bad or down, he will take some man to bed and use them to forget. Some day he'll come to think of it as something good again, but it will take time.

7. What would your oc make a scene in public about? I don't think Al would ever make a scene in public, or even in private. Once upon a time, maybe, but now he is way too scared of the consequences of merely raising his voice. Even with his family - even his younger siblings - he stays calm, worryingly so, even when he would be justified to get a bit angry.

8. What would your oc give their life for? At this point, his life is the last of his worries, so he would give it for the most mundane thing. He really doesn't think he deserves to live. He would not actively attempt to his life, but he would use any reason to put himself in danger, save for getting in a situation where someone would hurt him voluntarily (like beat him or, God forbids!, strangle him). But anything else is fair game: jumping in front of a lorry to save a hedgehog, abusing medicines, driving while drunk, "forgetting" to eat for weeks, ...

9. What are your oc’s major flaws? His main major flaw is his self-destructiveness. Not only does it impact his health (both physical and mental), but also his relationship with his family and friends. If his family managed to keep some modicum of contact with him despite his attempts to cut himself totally from them, his friends were more or less left behind after the wedding (they still visit him regularly, but he acts as if they weren't even here most of the time).

10. What is your oc afraid of? Al is terrified of being loved in a romantic way. Familial love or friendship poses no problem, but the moment someone (read: Wolfie or Mal) suggests that they are in love with him, he freezes. For him, being loved this way is synonymous with being in danger. Kiyoshi used to tell him how much he loved him, how he was the love of his life, all the time, even when he was hurting him, or just after he hurt him. Regarding his two best friends, he knows that they would rather die than even think of raising their hand against him, but still, there’s this little voice that whispers (quite loudly) that they would hurt him, that their words are just a way to lure him in a sense of security before they destroy him. He knows it’s the trauma speaking, but still, he refuses Wolfie & Mal’s love because of the one in a gazillion chance that the voice is right.

11. Is your oc a daredevil, or more of a scaredy-cat? What is the most daring thing they’ve done in their life? Alfie never was a daredevil, but he wasn’t a scaredy-cat either. Nowadays, after what happened with Kiyoshi, he is in a perpetual state of anxiety and fear. As for the most daring thing he ever did… Probably some dangerous acrobatics when he was on the cheer team, in high school.

12. How much thought does your oc put into what they wear/look like? Any reason why? Al always liked to wear pretty clothes so he could feel pretty in turn. Not really a fashionista, but he’s still very into fashion. He has a very defined style and palette, very feminine and full of pink plus a little purple, though he will wear more practical/less flashy clothes around the farm. But since the wedding, he hasn’t been able to wear any long dresses, even if he used to be very fond of them. He's also an avid user of make-up, and just like clothes, he uses it to feel pretty, which, these days, he doesn’t think he is.

13. How easily does your oc trust others? Any particular reason why? How trustworthy are they themselves? Trust has become an issue since Kiyoshi. As I already said, he’s afraid of people claiming to love him romantically, and he doesn’t trust that they’re telling the truth when they do. He doesn’t even trust his own family when they say they love him or that they are worried for him, because he doesn’t believe he deserves any affection. As for new people, he distrusts them all so much that he won’t let them get too close to him, the only exceptions – if you can call it that, since he will play a role, project the image of someone in control, someone confident – are the few men he takes to bed the nights he feels the most down, the most noticeable one being his farm hand, Shawn. He, himself, became, if not completely untrustworthy, rather unreliable, and maybe a bit duplicitous.

14. What is your oc’s confidence like? Are they self-confident to the point of being arrogant? Are they terribly self-deprecating? Abysmal. He’s one of the most self-hating people you could meet. Which explains the self-destructive tendencies. Of course, he wasn’t always this self-deprecating, once again, it’s all Kiyoshi’s fault who kept – during his raging bouts – belittling him. But before, he was rather arrogant when it came to his intelligence – he is a genius, after all – or his athletics; even his looks were a source of pride at the time.

15. Is your oc expressive, or would they rather conceal their emotions? What are their typical expressions like? He’d like to be able to hide his emotions, but his face keeps betraying him and showing the torment raging inside him. His face is always sporting a sad, even desperate expression, with empty, nearly dead, eyes often lined by unshed tears, and a downturned mouth.

16. Is your oc a romantic, or are they grossed out by the simple mention of anything romantic? Though he’s scared of being romantically loved, he’s still a romantic (though he thinks he’s not). Sometimes, before the dread takes over, he longs for someone who would love him and cherish him, just like he dreamt of before. Before their relationship soured, he and Kiyoshi often went on romantic dates, or wrote each other sweet little notes that they would leave in the other’s pocket/schoolbag, or Kiyoshi would buy him flowers and he would gifts sweets to his boyfriend anytime he felt like it (which was often), and loved all of that.

17. How does your oc sleep? Do they move around a lot? What position does your oc normally sleep in? What are their typical bedding arrangements like? Despite the nightmares that plague him several times a week, he sleeps rather well, though it’s probably due to the amount of sleeping pills and other anxiolytics he takes (mixed with alcohol). He rarely sleeps less than ten hours, except when a rather gruesome nightmare wakes him up and he can’t fall back asleep (which is quite rare; most of the time, he falls back asleep, after a few minutes). He sleeps in a fetal position, usually on his left side, his knees almost to his chin as if trying to take the less room possible. His bed only has one pillow, and he burrows himself under his old, but still plump, duvet, only leaving to top of his head somewhat visible.

18. What five objects or things could be expected to be found on your oc’s person at any time? Why? His phone, some meds, a flask of vodka, a picture of his parents, and his engagement ring. The ring is the cause of many disputes with Agena and the twins (especially Cas) who don’t understand why he keeps wearing it after what happened; especially since he is so terrified of anything wedding-related. And, yes, he knows it does more hurt than anything, but he keeps it and wears it, so he remembers to never fall again for pretty promises. The meds and the vodka would also cause Agena to be concerned for her son, if she knew he had it on him (she’s not clueless enough to not know he abuses both, and she tries to help him stop, but to no avail).

19. Does your oc have any distinguishing markings? Scars, tattoos, birthmarks, freckles, etc? You know what? Let me put his diffuse map here, because he has so many scars that I couldn’t count them, also, it’s simpler to just show you.

20. What is your oc’s fight or flight response like? What sorts of things provoke it the most? Al neither flees nor fights, but he freezes when he finds himself in a scary or dangerous situation. Before, he was way more animated, and – depending on the situation – would either try to intervene and defuse the situation with words, or if he was in real danger, try to flee. He did try more than once at the start of the decline of his relationship with Kiyoshi: he would talk back, or simply leave the flat (the most notorious time being when he went to the club with Wolfie and ended up having sex with him). But after he and Kiyoshi got back together, his boyfriend would literally keep him locked up in a room so he wouldn’t leave and would slap him if he retorted. After a few months of this treatment, it was second nature to just let Kiyoshi do or say whatever he wanted and wait for him to calm down.

21. What was the worst injury your oc ever suffered? Has it had any long lasting impact on them? Al suffered so many injuries that it’s difficult to really say which is the worst, but bar from the massive concussion and crushed trachea he received at the wedding, it’s probably another that didn’t leave any visible scar. It happened during a particularly vicious fight – one during which Al, actually tried to defend himself, which he hadn’t done for about a year – one fight during which Kiyoshi, fuelled by his now ever-present jealousy, accused Al of cheating on him with Mal (which he never did; Kiyoshi, on the other hand was openly having an adulterous relationship with Hugo Villareal – who was completely oblivious of the fact that Kiyoshi already had a boyfriend). Kiyoshi, enraged by his jealousy and the fact that Al dared to raise his voice against him, threw him down the stairs. Al badly broke his pelvis, right leg, and left arm (coincidently, Agena is semi-paralyzed in the same leg, and Cédric – Al’s father – had lost the use of his left arm after an accident). Of course, as most of his injuries at the time, they were explained as accidents. His convalescence was long, and he never recuperated the complete use of his leg, two of his fingers were basically rendered useless due to nerve damage, and he suffers from chronic pain in his back (it's when he started to take pain medication – opioids – and discovered the numbing effect they had on his mind).

22. How violent is your oc? Or are they more of a pacifist? To what lengths will they go to start/avoid a conflict? It’s not that Al’s a pacifist, more than he is deadly scared of conflict since, for him, it means violence, either verbal or physical. So, as said earlier, he would never raise his voice against anyone, and he’ll let people say or do whatever pleases them to be sure not to cause conflict. If he’s a spectator to conflict between other people, he will stay just that: a spectator (still scared out of his mind that somehow, he would end up involved, or – if it is people he's close with – that someone he loves will end up hurt), incapable to do anything.

23. If your oc were to be arrested, what would it most likely be for? Is it justified? Have they actually been arrested before? Probably for being drunk in public (maybe even for driving under the influence) or for possession of drugs (though, he rarely uses “illegal” drugs, so the risk is limited here, contrary to his drinking habits). And yes, it would be justified because he’s drunk 24/7 these days. And no, he's never been arrested, which is quite a miracle knowing the number of times he drove while being totally pissed (not having any accident is another miracle), but at the same time he lives in a small town, and there aren’t a lot of cops around (which is a blessing with him being black and all; he has already enough problem without adding police violence to it).

24. How would your oc act when drunk? What about when really, really tired? As I just said in the previous question, Al is always drunk, so, he acts normally. Well, normally for him, at least. He’s a very quiet drunk, rather pessimistic (but even sober he is the very definition of the word “pessimism” so no changes here), maybe a bit more promiscuous than usual if he’s drunk on whisky instead of vodka (his go-to alcohol). Exhausted!Al is… he’s a mess. He tends to hallucinate when he’s sleep-deprived, and he's not seeing pink elephants, but Kiyoshi (what a surprise!), or even a doppelgänger of himself, husting him and/or his family and friends.

25. What would history remember your oc for? How would they become famous? Or are they the sort that would really only be appreciated long after their death? Of the four boys, Al is the less susceptible to becoming famous, or remembered by History. Or if he is, it’s only in connection with Mal or Wolfie (or more loosely Jeb), but even then, it’s only a line or two, and back to his boyfriends.

26. What are they like in the bedroom — well-rounded lover or wooden plank? Depends who he’s with, to be honest. At the start of his relationship with Kiyoshi (after the fumbling of the few first times), he was quite animated and active; he verged on being a power bottom on a lot of occasions, though he liked to be told what to do by his boyfriend. Once the relationship deteriorated, he became a wooden plank, waiting for it to be over (often mentally escaping), as he didn’t always consent (but didn’t openly refuse either – which is NOT CONSENT -, for if he tried to, Kiyoshi assumed it was because he was cheating on him). With other partners (read: one-night stands), he just takes what he needs at the moment to feel better: sometimes, he’ll need to be in total control, and sometimes he’ll need to be used. With Shawn, though he refuses to admit it, it’s also different. He’s more involved, and he takes better care of his farm hand’s needs; contrary to his one-night stands, he’ll exchange some kisses, and maybe use some generic terms of endearment.

27. Have they committed a crime before? Which one(s)? As said previously, he sometimes uses recreational drugs, and often drives while intoxicated, so yes. He also might have shoplifted some vodka bottles here and there.

28. Do they have any phobias? Marriage/weddings. Not only is he deadly afraid of getting married (he never will), but he’s also terrified of his friends or family getting married themselves.

29. What’s their favourite thing about their significant other, if they have one? At the moment he doesn’t have any (though Shawn would like to be it for him), but we know he’ll be with both Wolfie and Mal sooner or later, so… Mal: his (apparent) self-confidence, his protectiveness, his devotion to both him and Wolfie, his arms. Wolfie: the way he takes care of his loved ones, his creativity, his (rare) smile, his eyes.

30. Do/did they want children? He does want children. More precisely, he did want children, and he will want children. At the moment, he doesn’t feel like he would be a good parent (he’s right, he would be awful at it), with him being an alcoholic/addict. Later on, he would come to care for Joy, Mal’s daughter, like his own, but it’ll take time before he trusts himself with her (or for Mal to trust him with his daughter).

31. What’s their body count, if they have one? Assuming it’s not a murder-y one but a sexual one, I’d say about 20? 30? I don’t think he even knows the answer himself. After all, most men were in his life for only a few hours, and he wasn't always conscious enough to remember them.

32. How do they feel about drugs? Recreational: not really something he uses that often because they tend to make him more aware, or happy (which he doesn’t think he deserves to be/to feel), and what he wants is oblivion, numbness. Medicinal: he uses and abuses them. He likes the way they make him empty, numb, oblivious. 33. How difficult is it for your oc to get to sleep? Do they fall asleep the moment they hit the pillow, or do they have insomnia? Any reason why? Since he takes a massive amount of sleep pills, anxiolytics, and alcohol, before going to bed, he falls quickly asleep, but it’s an artificial sleep, nothing relaxing or rejuvenating.

34. Does your oc have siblings or family members in their age group? Are they close? Yes, his aunts, Marie (his father’s sister) and Tabitha (his mother’s half-sister). Marie is two years older than him, and Tabi is a few months younger. He’s close with both of them, but Tabi’s always been his best friend since they were very little.

35. Is your OC called any pet names? If not, if they *did* have one, what would it be? Do they have any pet names for someone else? Yes. Agena calls him “Baby”, and his paternal grandmother, Hortense, “Petal”. Mal’s the one who will give him the most pet names though, for he'll call him (among others, but those are the most frequent) “Sweetheart”, “Sweetie”, and “Honey Bee”.

36. Does your oc have dreams or nightmares? What are they like? Is there a recurring one? He has nightmares at least three times a week. Most of the time, they are memories of Kiyoshi and the abuse. Sometimes, it’s not him Kiyoshi hurts in them, but his family and friends. Rarely (but those are the worst, the ones which prevent him from falling back asleep), Al is the one abusing his loved ones.

37. How is your oc about medical care? Do they avoid any form of healthcare that they can, do they seek it out over every little scrape? Do they treat their injuries/illness all by themselves? Depends. Al sees a psychiatrist every week for his trauma and related mental conditions. It’s a (very) slow process, and to be honest, he doesn’t really try to get better, he just goes so he can continue to have pills (though he gets those by other – illegal – means too, because his monthly prescription would not last a week with the way he abuses his drugs). He also lies a lot to his therapist, especially about how much alcohol he actually drinks or the fact that he sometimes uses non-medicinal drugs. As for his physical health, he refuses to see anyone, mainly because he hates being touched (his family and friends learned to ask him before touching him in any way), but also because of his self-harm. He doesn’t want any medical professional seeing those; he’s scared that if they do, he’ll be locked in a psychiatric hospital against his will. If he needs painkillers (which he often does), he’ll buy over-the-counter ones, or get some from his dealer if he wants opioids. As for illnesses like cold or flu, he also deals with it himself, mainly by staying in bed with a vodka bottle or two on the night table.

38. Your oc has to make something for an art exhibition. What would they make? How terrible is it? Would they enjoy making it? Al is not the most artistic person ever, but he’s not that bad either, so it wouldn’t be terrible, but it would not revolutionize the art community either. As for what he would make, it would probably be some abstract painting representing the torment he feels inside, but people wouldn’t understand the real meaning of his piece, because he would use lots of bright colours/pastels. And he might find it somehow therapeutic, in a numbing way, so I guess he would enjoy doing it.

39. How would you describe your oc’s voice? Do they have an accent? Al never had a booming voice, but nowadays, his voice is barely louder than a whisper. Though he never knew his father and was raised by his English-speaking mother, he speaks with a faint French accent (his paternal family is originally from the French-speaking region of Windenburg).

40. What smells bring back specific memories to your oc? What are those memories like? Flowers remind him of the time he spent with his mother in their garden when he was a child, where Agena would teach him about nature, especially botany. But if flowers as a whole bring back good memories, the smell of roses put him in a state of terror, as the room he was in when Kiyoshi tried to kill him, the day of their wedding, was full of roses bouquets, and smelt like them.

41. Has your oc lost anyone close to them? How did/would they respond if so? His father, but since he wasn’t even born yet, I don’t think it counts. At this point in life, I think that if he lost his mom or one of his siblings, it would be the end of him, and he would take his own life.

42. Have they ever been abused? Do I really need to answer this?

43. When and who was your oc’s first kiss? Cassandra, during a game of “Spin the Bottle”, when they were fourteen, but he doesn’t count it. To him, his “real” first kiss, was with Kiyoshi, at age sixteen.

44. Would they ever purposefully hurt someone? Would they ever kill anybody? I mentioned more than once that Al is not violent in the least, and that he would do anything to avoid conflict/be in trouble. But there is one situation where he would actually hurt someone, or even kill them if it came to that: if someone was abusing one of his loved ones. I don’t think it would be purposeful, though. I believe the trauma would take over and he would completely disassociate and act without really meaning it; he’d watch himself going feral without being able to stop.

45. How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? He doesn’t get jealous. He never really was, but the small amount of jealousy he had was annihilated by Kiyoshi. From a few weeks after they got back together after the Wolfie incident, and up to their engagement, Kiyoshi was openly cheating on Al with Hugo. He would have Hugo come to their flat even if Al was present. The first time Al saw them together, he actually threw a fit (he caught them in flagrante on the sofa when he came back from class), but Kiyoshi told him he didn’t have any right to be jealous since he was the first to cheat (Hugo was later told that Al was just a jealous flatmate who had a thing for Kiyoshi and who he used to sleep with; don’t hate Hugo, he was a victim of Kiyoshi’s manipulations too). So, Al forced himself to bury any trace of jealousy he felt.

46. What are their thoughts on marriage? As said earlier, he is now terrified of anything marriage-related, but once upon a time (well, before Kiyoshi tried to kill him), he dreamt of getting married. Since he was small, he always wanted a big wedding, and to wear a pretty dress. Nowadays, he’s convinced that any wedding he is involved in one way or another is bound to end in tragedy, based on the fact that he nearly died at his, and that his father actually died during the reception following his wedding to Agena (while she was pregnant with Alfie – but didn’t know it yet); which, obviously, is bullshit, but it’s what he believes, anyway (Agena, thinks it’s her dress that is cursed, which… who knows?).

47. Are they happy with their body? He really doesn’t have any opinion on the subject. For him, his body is just a vessel. Once upon a time, he took great care of it, but now it’s just here. He still wants it to be pretty (he doesn’t think it is), but as for many things, he’s just numb to it.

48. Who loves them with all their heart and soul? How does their love make them feel? His family, and Mal & Wolfie. For his family, even if he doesn’t feel like he deserves it, he’s quite grateful for the way they take care of him, and how they sometimes shield him from the world or defend him. As for Mal and Wolfie… as previously mentioned, he’s terrified of romantic love, so it scares the hell out of him. But later on, once he gets a bit better, and accepts to be in a relationship with them, being loved by them is the best thing in the world, though overwhelming (and yes, still terrifying sometimes).

49. Who is their most important person? His mom. Al’s always been a mama’s boy (though, he’s not really a “boy”), and thinking of not having her anymore is the worst feeling in the world.

50. Who is the person they hate the most? Why? I’d like to say that it’s Kiyoshi, which would be self-explanatory, but it’s actually himself, for way too many reasons, the main one being his supposed weakness that “allowed” Kiyoshi to abuse him for years (he’s not, anyone could fall victim to an abuser, there is nothing to do with weakness).

---

Wow, that was a lot. Now, I "only" need to finish Jeb's, Mal's, and Wolfie's... (please kill me).

[determinedwriter]

Whumptober 2023: Day 30: Borrowed Clothing/Bridal Carry

Whumptober 2023: Day 30: Borrowed Clothing

(Continuation of yesterday’s part 2/2)

Tony

“I’m on my way. If anything changes, you call me. Understand?” I urge Peter over the phone.

“Yeah, of course.” He replies.

“If things take a turn and I’m not there, you swing out of there in all your spider glory and take her to the hospital, alright?” I continue. “I’m not losing her. Not tonight. Not ever.”

“You’ve got it, sir.” He says. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep her safe. I promise.”

I pause before hanging up, not wanting leave things like this. “Kid?”

“Yeah?” He replies. “I'm still here.”

I gulp. “Don’t leave her side. P-Please.”

“I won’t, Mr. Stark. Not for a second.” Peter reassures me.

“Good.” I mumble. “If she wakes up, tell her I’m coming.”

“I will.” He says.

I finally hang up after that, speeding to the Parker residence in my suit as soon as possible. Peter called me on his phone before calling me on Ro’s, likely knowing I’d pick up the second time.

I would’ve answered his call if I had known it was serious. I’m kicking myself for wasting any time at all. Ro needs me.

Someone tried to seriously harm her tonight and I wasn’t there. I have to be there for her now. It’s important that I’m by her side.

Which is why I’ve practically begged Peter not to leave her. If I can’t be there immediately, someone has to. Someone. If not me, then Peter’s not a bad candidate. He cares a lot about her. Maybe even loves her.

I’ve always seen that in him. The way he looks at her. It’s pretty obvious he likes her. At least to me it is. I’d like to think I’ve got a keen eye for these things.

I arrive at the apartment in no time at all, rushing to the elevator and hurrying to his floor. I pound on the door, not caring about how late it is or how loud I am. Ro is the only thing on my mind.

May opens the door. “She’s in Peter’s room. Nothing’s changed since you called.”

I push past her with a small, muttered greeting and open Peter’s door without knocking. He’s sitting on the end of the bed, watching Ro as she lies there with his blanket over her.

“Mr. Stark.” Peter says. “I’m glad you’re here…”

I move towards Ro, a terrible fear enveloping me. She looks so fragile that I’m afraid to move too fast or breathe too hard, as if it’ll break her.

She’s not wearing her own clothes, an oversized shirt and sweatpants covering her. “You changed her clothes?”

“May did.” He replies. “Her old ones were…torn.”

“Torn?” I question.

He gulps. “Yeah. Those guys, they…they were so…eager to hurt her.”

My heart shatters. “Oh.”

“Ro…” I mumble. “Ro, it’s Dad. I’m here now.

I’m sorry if I took too long. I came as quickly as I could, baby. I promise.”

She doesn’t move, which scares me. “I’m bringing her to the compound. The medbay can help her.”

Peter nods. “Okay.”

I hoist her in my arms and fly right to the facility, calling in Dr. Cho to take a look at her. She’d better be alright. I can hardly hear her breathing. That alone is enough to cause me to panic.

When I get there, Dr. Cho and Dr. Banner are already waiting to help. Thank God. “She was drugged.” I explain. “Attempted rape. Spider kid was with her and he doesn’t know what the hell happened. All I know is he didn’t have anything to do with it. He beat the asses of the ones that did though.”

“As he should.” Dr. Cho comments.

Bruce takes Ro from my arms and places her on an exam bed, taking her vitals when suddenly her eyes open.

She looks very out of it, opening her mouth to say something when she starts to vomit, too weak to turn herself over to not choke.

The two doctors immediately turn her on her side and I grab her hand. “You’re alright. You’re okay. I don’t know how much you can hear me right now, but you’re safe now. It’s Dad. You’re safe and everything’s alright.”

Ro is soon passed out again, Bruce taking a blood sample to test for drugs. She’s definitely not sober, but I wouldn’t be able to say what she’s been given.

I’ve done a lot of partying in my day, but I don’t particularly recognize any of Ro’s symptoms.love you, kid. Keep breathing. That’s all you’ve gotta do. I’m not leaving you.”

He places an oxygen mask over her face. “There you go, kid. In and out.”

After enough time and close monitoring, Ro wakes up disoriented and afraid, gasping softly. “H-Hmm…?”

“You’re safe, you’re alright.” I reassure her quickly. “It’s me.”

Tears cascade down her cheeks in an instant and she starts to whimper. “D-D-Dad?”

“Yeah, it’s me.” I reply. “I’m here and you’re okay. I’ve got you.”

She squeezes my hand. “L-Love you.”

“Love you tons.” I tell her.

It’s a long road, but I’m going to be here for her.

I’ll never leave her.

[orgasming-caterpillar]

it's normal for desis to hate their parents because of their fuck ups and whatnot + abuse, but ngl it's just sad you wrote that post. pathetic at best. hope you work your trauma out.

...girl he tried to rape me, constantly shamed me for my transgenderism, threatened me with death if I didnt do mbbs and then marry the guy he wanted me to... And that's not even counting the times he tried to physically attack me and/or the number of times he physically/emotionally/sexually abused my mother. He burned her fucking job certificates so we would have to be dependant on him. He constantly commits marital rape. Do you want to hear more? He once tried to kill a prostitute when she threatened to tell my mother about herself at finding out he was married. Do you really think it's "sad" and "pathetic" that i want him to suffer his last moments in rage and agony, the way we've spent our entire lives because of him? I'm going to take my best friend (the one he accused me of trying to run away with because of my call recordings with her) and kiss her payal in front of him. I hope she gently brings my head up and calls me a good boy before kissing me while he's on the hospital with liver failure. I hope he sees my fucking smile. And I'm "pathetic"? You're sitting in a random person's -a person that you don't even know- inbox shaming them for trying to take a bit of revenge for the abuse they've been through when you don't even know what they've been through. There's one pathetic person among the two of us and darling it's not me. I'll be making out with a cute girl in the hospital my abuser died in. Go fuck yourself in the mouth with a taser.

[captain-crackship]

Ascension and Instrumentality

So I made a post before detailing how in the recent episode Ruby was more similar to Asuka than Shinji. The gist being that Ruby was tormented by Neo to the point of attempting s**cide much like how Asuka was mind r*ped by Arael and unable to sync with her Eva, which led her to attempt s**cide. In Asuka’s case she was found by NERV’s agents and hospitalized for her own safety until the events of EOE. She survived her s**cide attempt and I firmly believe Ruby will too. I believe this because I’ve survived my fair share of attempts over the last 10 years.

I don’t want Ruby to ascend, and I don’t believe she will. I believe ascension may function similarly to Instrumentality in this case. Here’s where Ruby parallels with Shinji.

Going by the V9 trailer, I believe she’ll meet the Blacksmith again when she makes it to the tree. I believe the Blacksmith will tempt her, persuade her to go through with ascending-- literal s**cide given the context of the last episode. Make no mistake, given Ruby’s state of mind-- literally her broken ego-- she will give in. Because she doesn’t want to be Ruby anymore.

Shinji did the same. Alienated from his friends and loved ones, watching Rei sacrifice herself only to learn that she is a soulless clone, being forced to kill Kaworu, seeing Misato and Asuka killed right in front of him, witnessing the gestalt Lilith hybrid and the Mass Production Evas, and becoming the sacrificial lamb and focal point for Third Impact and Human Instrumentality... It all broke Shinji’s ego. And what did he do? He gave in, deciding that since no one loves him, everyone should die. What he found was that Instrumentality-- being merged with every soul into something incomprehensible-- was a lonely existence. One he ultimately rejected at the end of the film.

Ruby will reject ascension. She will come out of the tree, still as broken as when she went in. She will have survived her s**cide attempt. And when she does, WBYJ will be there to pick her back up. Then, and only then, can any real healing begin for her.

End of Evangelion was open-ended, but hopeful. I believe Volume 9 can be the same.

[oveliagirlhaditright]

*takes a deep breath* Casey Gilly's writing in the Boomverse bothers me so much.

And there's a lot I could get into with that. But mainly it's her obvious obsession with S*pike via the comics she's written so far. And how I feel she Draco in Leather Pants him a lot?

[vespertin-y]

just saw someone say if u hate teruteru but not miu u just hate fat people??? girl show me when miu roofied one of her classmates...

[ohello0]

The more time I spend with my granny and the more she tries to engage with me in politics the more I realize just how deeply boomer rot has taken root in her brain

[determinedwriter]

Whumptober 2023: Day 25: “They’re not breathing!”

(Continuation of yesterday’s part and also the ending)

Tony

Friday, what do I have in the liquor cabinet? I deserve a drink after work today, don’t you think?” I ask my AI.

“Yes, Mr. Stark. Scanning your inventory…” She replies. “There seems to be some missing from your personal stash.”

“Missing? Who took it?” I ask.

“From the footage I’ve pulled, Aurora seems to have taken a bottle from it earlier this evening. Mr. Banner has also reported missing drugs from the lab.” She explains.

“Who took the drugs?” I wonder aloud. “You’re sure Aurora took the alcohol?”

“Yes, Mr. Stark. I am unsure of where the medicine has gone, as I do not have footage of any theft or tampering.” Friday says.

“Okay. I guess Ro decided to drink. That damn kid. She’s been different lately.” I mumble mostly to myself.

Going to Aurora’s room, I try to open the door but find it locked. “Ro, let me in. I know you took from my alcohol stash. You’re way too young for that. You know better. At least I thought you did. I’m not letting you go on some rebellious streak. No booze, no drugs, no bizarre hair colors and fishnet stockings. I’m just not doing that, alright? Open the door.”

With no answer, I groan loud enough for her to hear. “Aurora, don’t make me say your full name.”

“Aurora Anthony Stark, open the door.” I finally say. “See, now you know you’re in trouble. Open up.”

Nothing. “Look, I’m not trying to be like my dad. I'm not trying to be hard on you. Just let me in. You’ve been weird lately. I think everyone’s noticed. I’ve been busy, but…if this is a cry for attention, you can just talk to me. Open sesame.”

“Friday, are you able to tell if she snuck out?” I ask.

“She appears to still be in her bedroom. While there’s no cameras inside, I have detected her heat signature, though it seems off.” She tells me.

“Off how?” I question. “Because of Extremis?”

“No sir, I think something is wrong and I advise you to get the door open as soon as possible.” My AI actually sounds worried, which I didn’t realize was possible.

“Override the locks then. Get it open.” I instruct.

“There is something blocking the entrance.”

I groan. “Vision!”

“Yes sir?” Vision soon appears beside me, having heard me calling.

“Can you phase through the door here and see what’s wrong with Aurora? Unlock the door.” I tell him.

He quickly does what I ask, moving whatever is blocking the door from opening, unlocking it and finally allowing me to walk inside.

The sight isn’t pretty.

Aurora lies on the floor of her bedroom, empty liquor bottle beside her along with a container of pills. She’s pale, bleeding from the wrist, and twitching.

An inhuman gasp escapes me and I fall to my knees. “Ro. Ro, what…Ro…”

“BANNER!” I yell. “Banner, get in here!”

I absolutely lose it at this point. “Friday, call…call an ambulance. Get Bruce here now and get Strange! Get a whole damn hospital here right now!”

“Check her vitals!” I scream.

Friday scans her as I feel for a pulse. “She’s very weak, sir. Her heartbeat is erratic and her breathing is labored.”

Scooping her in my arms, I see Aurora’s eyes are fixed to the ceiling. “Hey. Hey, come on. Ro, this isn’t…you’re fine. You’re alright. Come on now. Come on now. Ro…Ro, please. Please.”

Bruce rushes inside soon after I call for him, eyes bulging as soon as he sees Ro convulsing in my arms. “Let me see. God Tony, what the hell happened?!”

“Does it look like I know?!” I snap. “There’s pills. There’s liquor and pills and…h-her wrist. Her…S-She…”

He nods in understanding. “She overdosed. I need to get her to the med bay immediately.”

Bruce starts to lift her in his arms and I take her, sprinting to the med bay. Once I get there and lay her on an exam bed, she has stopped moving and her eyes are now closed.

“Why isn’t she…she’s not having the seizure anymore. That’s got to be a good thing.” I convince myself out loud.

“She’s not breathing.” Bruce announces, doing chest compressions.

“This bleeding is too bad but I can’t stop compressions. Does anyone know how to do sutures?” He asks.

The commotion has gotten the attention of everyone in the compound, earning worried looks and shouts of advice. Everyone here cares so much about Ro.

“Open your eyes, Ro. Open your eyes.” I plead. “You’ve gotta listen to me, alright? Open your eyes. Please…b-baby…”

How the hell did I let this happen? It couldn’t have come out of nowhere. Were there signs I missed? There must have been.

I’m smart enough to see them, I just ignored them.

Goddamn you, Tony.

Continuing to beg at her side, I allow myself to fall apart. Even with Pepper here, who is now holding my shoulders and trying to calm me down.

Dr. Strange ends up coming in time to do the sutures for Bruce, stitching with impressive speed and precision.

Bruce ends up breaking Ro’s ribs to restart her heart. The sickening crack makes me wince. That’s going to hurt like hell when she’s awake.

After an agonizing few minutes, she comes back to us. Neither of them say it, but I know that both Bruce and Steven don’t see this ending well.

And Strange can tell the future, can’t he? If he looks troubled, then…

Her stomach gets pumped at the hospital and I take this time to speak with him. “Strange.”

“Yeah.” He turns to me.

“You use that thing to see the future, right?” I ask, pointing to his necklace.

“I’m not using it for this.” He immediately counters.

I gulp, trying to keep my emotions under control. It’s far too late for that though. “You have to tell me my daughter’s gonna be alright.”

“I only see possible futures, Stark. I couldn’t guarantee anything even with the stone. Her life isn’t in my hands. It isn’t even in yours. She made this choice.”

I clench my fists. “She…she didn’t know what she was doing. Ro wouldn’t leave me like this. She must’ve…”

Trying to rationalize it in my head only makes me feel worse. I want to crumble when I recall the last thing I said to her.

“I love me too.”

I couldn’t even tell her I loved her. “Oh God, I…I…”

Strange’s normally stone face turns sympathetic. “Look…I’ve seen this before. I was a neurosurgeon. I’ve worked on victims of suicide attempts. It…doesn’t always end in saving their life. Sometimes you have to let go. No matter how much you try to save someone.”

“I’m not letting her go.” I reply. “Ever.”

“I’m not saying you should, I’m just saying it’s a…possibility. A choice you might have to make.” He explains.

My heart pounds in my chest and I fight back tears. “She told me she loved me and I made a stupid fucking joke and that’s the last thing I ever said to her.”

Dr. Strange nods. “I’m sure she knows how much she means to you.”

I shake my head in protest. “No. No, she wouldn’t have done this if she knew. God, what am I gonna tell the kid?”

He looks at me in slight confusion. “Spider-Man.” I clarify. “Kid’s so damn in love with her…”

Dr. Strange sighs. “Suicide never does just destroy the life of one person. It ripples to everyone around the victim. Their family. Their friends. Their community.”

“Then why would she do this to me?!” I accuse a bit too harshly. “Why would Ro just leave me like this?! She could’ve talked to me! She…goddamn it, she didn’t have to do this!”

He remains calm. “You may be right, but she didn’t see things clearly. In that mindset, you never do. The brain is a complicated thing.”

I sniffle, trying not to completely lose myself, though I feel I’m past the point of no return. “Yeah, well…she’s my kid. She’s smart. I know you’ve only really talked to her in passing, but…believe me, she’s smart. And she’s empathetic. Better than me. She’d be a good doctor.”

Strange grins slightly. “Honestly, maybe not. Having that much empathy is hard when you’re treating sick people. People you might see die right in front of you. But I have a feeling she’s probably seen more than a kid ever should.”

“Yeah.” I confirm. “I’ve tried to protect her. I’ve really tried. But I couldn’t…clearly I wasn’t able to keep her safe. Not even from herself.”

He pauses. “I don’t have kids, but for what it’s worth, Stark…the way I saw you react…the way you’ve responded to this…tragedy…it shows me just how much you love her.”

I let some tears fall. “I do. More than anything.”

Strange nods. “You should tell the spider kid.”

“Yeah…uhh, thanks, Strange.” I reply.

“Stephen.” He corrects softly.

“Tony.” I offer in response.

With that, he leaves down the hall, a comfortable but heavy silence in the air. We have this mutual respect and understanding of one another, but hate the situation we’re in that brought us to it.

God, I’ve never hated anything more than this.

And now I have to break Peter Parker’s heart.

I dial his number on my phone, having it for emergencies mostly. He picks up pretty quickly, mumbling something. “Shhh, shhh, Ned! Ned, shut up, it’s Mr. Stark!”

“Hey, kid.” I say.

“H-Hey, Mr. Stark. It’s kinda late. You need me for a mission?” He asks.

I sigh. “No, nothing like that. When did you last talk to Ro?”

“A couple hours ago now I guess? Why, is she not home?” Peter speculates immediately. “I can’t imagine why she’d be gone, I mean she’s not here and-“

“Kid.” I interrupt. “Did she give you any indication that she might…do something bad? Anything unusual?”

He pauses. “N-No, I mean…she said she appreciated me and stuff but…look, is she okay?”

“No.” I reply honestly. “Peter, she’s in the hospital. She…overdosed.”

I hear the breath catch in his throat and his voice shakes. “W-What? No, no, that’s…it was an accident. Right?”

“I don’t think it was.” I reveal. “It could’ve been, but…it doesn’t look like that. It looks like an a-attempt.”

“To kill herself?” He asks, clearly on the verge of tears.

“Yeah.” I say, trying not to become more anxious than I already am. “Her stomach is being pumped and I’m…waiting for updates. I don’t know how things are yet. I knew I should tell you so…here I am. I’m sorry, kid.”

Peter whimpers. “Oh my God. Oh God, Mr. Stark…no, no, I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to…did you find her…unconscious or…”

“She was...” I mumble. “G-Gone. They brought her back but Ro was gone. H-Her heart wasn’t…”

His cries are now clear on his end of the call. “C-Can I come to the hospital to wait with you? Could I do that?”

Honestly, I think I need him to be here. He’s spent more time with Ro than I have in a good bit and he knows her so well. “Yeah. You can come, just don’t…don’t expect anything. I don’t know what to expect myself. S-She’s gonna be fine. She has to be. But I don’t know if they’ll let you see her anytime soon.”

“I’m coming. I’m on my way. Bye, Mr. Stark.” He replies quickly.

“Bye.” I say.

He hangs up, leaving me to pace again, making my way back to the waiting room where most of the Avengers now sit.

An idea pops into my head and I ask for an empty conference room. “Team meeting. Now.”

Peter arrives in time for this meeting, sitting at the table along with Pepper, Steve, Bruce, Nat, Wanda, and Vision. Everyone else is either off planet or in their own personal homes where they have no clue what has happened.

I pace once more, unable to sit still at the table. Peter is also fidgeting in his seat. Pepper looks at me with concern. Usually she wouldn’t be a part of an Avengers meeting, but this is different.

“I need to ask if any of you know how the hell this happened.” I say. “Any warning signs I should’ve seen. Anything she said. Anything she did.”

Steve hesitates but doesn’t speak, causing me to immediately turn to him. “What is it, Cap? Spit it out. You don’t get to hide shit from me. Not anymore.”

He looks sad. “Tony, I thought she had things under control.”

I’m immediately angry, but hold it back. “Explain. Now.”

Steve closes his eyes, pained. “I heard her on the phone a couple of days ago. With a…suicide hotline.”

This is when the anger overwhelms me and it takes everything I have not to lunge at him. “And you decided to keep that to yourself for shits and giggles?”

“Tony, I promise you if I had any idea this would happen, I would’ve said something. I talked to her about it and she told me she was handling things. She promised me. I thought…I took her at her word. I’m sorry.” He apologizes.

I’m not in the mood for forgiveness. “Anyone else have something to admit?”

Nat sighs heavily. “She came to me sometime last week. Not about suicide. It’s not my place but…she spoke to me about some troubles she had. Asked me to get a blood test through the lab.”

“The one I did for routine testing?” Bruce asks her.

She nods. “Yeah.”

“What was she looking for?” Pepper questions.

Natasha bites her lip. “It’s not my place.”

“Now it is.” I argue. “Don’t. Don’t keep this from me. Look, I’m…I’m begging you.”

“I’m so sorry, Tony. But Ro…confided in me. She told me…she was assaulted. At a party. Some guy from her school got her to drink and he…he raped her.” Nat explains. “She wanted to know if she was pregnant.”

My stomach flips and I see Peter stand up, starting to pace. “I was at that party. I was with her the whole time until…”

His eyes widen and he holds his stomach. “I’m gonna be sick…oh God, it’s my fault.”

“Talk to me, Parker.” I reply.

Peter makes his way to a trash can where he vomits, tears streaming down his face. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry Mr. Stark. I never meant to leave her. Ned and I got caught up in a stupid party game and last time I checked she was talking to MJ and Brad.”

“Brad?” I ask, not recognizing the name.

He nods. “A guy at school. He’s into MJ so they hang out sometimes. I think Ro was trying to run interference. MJ isn’t into him.”

“Could he be the one that did it?” Pepper questions.

“I don’t know. I can ask MJ if he left her side the whole night.” Peter offers.

“Do that.” I reply.

He does, texting to ask. She replies by saying she had to leave early and Brad was flirting with Ro, but MJ didn’t think anything of it. She had no idea he was going to harm her.

“Brad. What do you know about him?” I inquire.

Peter pauses. “He’s just some jock, I guess? He’s kinda a dick. Especially if he did this, but…I don’t really know much about him. He’s got a brother, I think. I wish I knew more, but I don’t.”

I slowly nod. “I’m gonna kill him.”

“And you three? How could you hide this from me? How could you know something was so wrong and not tell me?!” I snap at Bruce, Nat, and Steve.

“I didn’t know she was suicidal. I told her to come to me if she needed to. And she came to me in confidence about something she clearly didn’t want you to know.” Nat gently argues.

Pepper frowns. “Why wouldn’t she come to me? She might as well be my daughter.”

I put a hand on Pep’s shoulder from behind as I continue to stand. “She probably thought you’d tell me. This isn’t…this isn’t your fault.”

“Listen Tony, if I had any clue she would do this, I would’ve stopped it. I would’ve told you.” Steve says.

“And I didn’t know anything about the situation. I ran the sample knowing it was Ro’s, but I didn’t know she was worried about pregnancy.” Bruce adds to defend himself.

I sigh. “Okay.”

I’m quiet after that, leading Steve to speak up. “You gonna be alright?”

“Only if Ro is.” I answer.

Nobody says anything after that, the silence then broken by the door opening and a doctor entering. “I have an update for Mr. Stark.”

Not caring that everyone is here to listen, I nod. “What is it? Is she okay?”

“You got to her just in time. If you’d been much later, Aurora would be too far gone.” The doctor explains. “She’s remarkably stable considering the circumstances. I’m unsure of when she’ll wake up, but her brain activity is looking good. You can come see her now.”

I immediately rush to Ro’s bedside, Pepper and Peter close behind. I allow the two of them to join me, knowing Ro trusts them and loves them both so much.

She’s pale and sickly, but alive. I grab her hand. “Hey, baby.”

Ro remains still and quiet, but I keep talking. “It’s Dad. I’m right here with you, okay? So is Pep and that spider boy you love so much.”

Peter gives me a watery smile. “Y-Yeah. We’re here, Ro. I’m so sorry, I…I didn’t…I would’ve been by your side if I had known you’d do this. But…”

“Everything’s going to be alright.” Pepper finishes for him. “We’re with you. Always, honey.”

“What she said.” I add. “You know Pep’s always been better with words than I am. At least when it comes to comforting you. Because otherwise, I’m a fantastic public speaker.”

Pepper and Peter chuckle. “I don’t know if it’s too soon for jokes but you’ll just have to wake up and tell me to zip it.”

We stay with her for a while, interrupted by the door opening gently, Bruce behind it. “Hey, Tony?”

I turn to him. “Hmm?”

He’s holding one of my helmets. “I stopped by the compound and Friday told me there’s a message on here.”

I blink in confusion. “A message?”

“Ro recorded something.” Bruce explains.

A lump forms in my throat. “Oh. Give it here, then.”

He does. “You could probably go to that conference room to watch it if you wanted. I’ll stay with her if the three of you want to do that. Whatever you need, Tones.”

“Okay…yeah. You call me the minute she wakes up if it happens when I’m gone, though.” I tell him.

Bruce nods. “Of course.”

Peter, Pepper, and I all step back into the conference room and I place my helmet on the table. “Friday, play the message.”

A hologram sparks to life, showing Ro looking worn down and distraught. “Hey, so…if you’re watching this I’m dead. Might as well get right to the point.”

My heart pounds as she continues to speak. “I killed myself. I did. No use in denying that. I’m just sorry anyone had to find me like that. And that I had to die like this. I know it’s not ideal, but…it’s for the best.”

“No.” I say aloud, unable to help myself.

“This message is mainly just…to give closure, I guess? I know I’m probably leaving you with a lot of questions and not a lot of answers. But here are your answers. I did this for everyone’s sake. I’ve become a burden. I know you’ll all be okay without me. Dad, you have Pepper. And your work. The work you always seemed to be too busy with to talk to me. I tried to reach out. I really did. But I don’t want you to blame yourself for this. You didn’t know. Nobody did. Except maybe Steve, but he didn’t know I was going to do this. You know him. He would’ve stopped me. I kept him off my scent so he wouldn’t do that. I made sure nobody would.”

Tears flow down her cheeks and she sighs. “This isn’t easy for me, okay? It isn’t. I’m not trying to be selfish, I’m trying to save you the grief of dealing with my shit. I’m just gonna come out and say it. I was raped by Brad Davis a few weeks ago. Peter knows when this happened but he had no clue what transpired that night. Nobody needs to blame him for a single thing. And Peter, I want you to know that too. It’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault. I love you, Peter. If I was worthy of your affection, I would’ve loved you forever.”

Peter’s knees buckle and he holds onto a chair for support, crying as he watches Ro’s confession. “I’m sorry. I'm so sorry…”

“Pep, you were like a mother to me. Nothing you could’ve done either. I’ll always be grateful for our relationship. For your love. I mean it. Peter, lean on MJ and Ned. Move on. Be happy. You’re a good person. An amazing person. Please don’t let this change your heart. Your goodness. Dad, that goes for you too. You’re better than I ever could’ve been. I’m glad I got to tell you I loved you before I left. I didn’t say anything to Pepper because she’d probably sus me out…Dad, you’re smart, but you’ve been busy so…that’s why you didn’t seem to realize it. This is getting to be long and I don’t want you to see I stole from your alcohol stash…sorry, Dad. And Bruce, sorry about the pills. I know you’ve been in a low place before too, so…you get it. You know why. Anyways…I love you guys. All of you. Dad, Pepper, Peter, Steve, Nat, Bruce, Wanda, Vis…everyone. There’s too many of you to mention.”

She chuckles. “You’re my family. That’s always going to be true no matter how much time passes. You’ll always be in my heart and I’ll always be in yours. To end this thing I guess I’ll just say this…I love you. Keep being the amazing people I know you are. And again, don’t you dare blame yourselves. I’ll haunt you all if you do that.”

Ro pauses, grimacing. “Bad joke…like all of Dad’s. Wish me safe travels and…just live. Be okay. Don’t waste your lives. That’s all I ask. So, uhh…goodbye. Maybe I’ll see you again someday. I hope so…love you tons.”

The message ends and I let out the cry I’ve been holding in the entire time. “O-Oh God…”

The three of us cry together until there’s no tears left to cry. Ro felt so alone. So small. So hopeless that she thought this was the only answer.

And despite her pleas for us to not blame ourselves, I sure do. I think everyone does. Everyone feels they could’ve done more.

And when she wakes up, I’ll do everything and then some.

When. Not if.

And she does.

Ro wakes up at around midnight two days after her attempt, confused and disoriented. Comforting her only does so much. She seems upset that she’s alive at all.

With enough insistence, she does seem a bit more relaxed about the whole thing. I won’t leave her side and neither will Peter.

He won’t stop proclaiming his love for her.

But she’s not in the place to return that affection. And that’s okay.

We won’t leave her side. None of the Avengers will. We’re a family. We will never let her suffer again. Not if we have anything to say about it.

With lots of hugs and forehead kisses, I tell Ro how much I love her. She’s my daughter. My everything. And I came way too close to losing her.

She’ll never feel alone again. I’ll make sure of that.

As long as I’m alive, I will love her with my whole heart.

[yandere-daydreams]

Title: Negligence.

Pairing: Yan!Geto Suguru x Reader x Yan!Gojo Satoru (JJK).

A Continuation of Nursle.

Word Count: 9.0k.

TW: Dub/Con - Non/Con, Fem!Reader, Unhealthy Relationships, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Kidnapping, Mentions of Pregnancy/Childbirth, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Lactation, Geto and Gojo Have Their Own Thing Going On That Is Entirely Separate From The Events of This Fic, and Age Gaps. Dead Dove: Do Not Eat.

[Part One] [Part Two]

Suguru wouldn’t let you hold Himari.

You’d offered to as he led you out of Suguru’s apartment, reached for her instinctively as he gently urged you into the passenger seat of a familiar black car, but Suguru was in a fugue state – eyes glassy, voice softened and tempered, a glazed smile painted over his lips. He kept Himari pressed against his shoulder, and then, when she started to stir, in his lap, bouncing idly on his knee as he drove. It was dangerous – for Himari and for you. You were tempted to tell him that, to insist on holding the daughter that wasn’t supposed to belong to him, but then you remembered that he was a cult leader and a kidnapper and a murderer and you kept your mouth shut.

Instead, you kept your hands tucked between your thighs and your eyes focused on the passing landscape, on Tokyo as it dwindled from skyscrapers to rustic storefronts to backwoods. You thought of Megumi, first, surprisingly. Even if he didn’t spend the night with Satoru, he’d notice if you weren’t in class, tomorrow. He’d be worried.

You wondered if Nanako and Mimiko had been worried when they suddenly couldn’t find you in Suguru’s bedroom, where you’d spent the days following Himari’s birth recovering, when you stopped appearing at Suguru’s temple with a folder of worksheets and enough candy to keep two girls under ten engaged for a full ninety minutes. You wondered how Suguru explained your absence, if he bothered to explain it at all. You wondered how long they’d hold it against you.

It was getting dark by the time you left the city entirely. With the setting sun to your backs, Suguru slipped onto a deserted seaside road and, still in that gentle tone, broke the silence. “Was it different?” And then, as Himari sniffled, “With him, I mean. Different than it was for us.”

It took you a moment to realize that he was talking, another to recognize that you were supposed to answer. It was less that you were lost in thought and more that you were lost in the absence of it – your mind a vague, cloudy haze of static and fog and every other grey, disembodied, terrible thing that could seep its way into your consciousness and leave you entirely blank, entirely numb. It was all you could do to remember how to open your mouth, let alone piece an intelligent response together. “With Satoru?”

“Satoru,” Suguru repeated, almost disdainfully. “It took you months to call by my given name.”

You couldn’t deny that, although part of you was tempted to try. Because it was true. Because it had.

Because it was different – or, it had been, at least. Things had moved so quickly, with Satoru. He’d gone from a stranger to a stalker to something not totally unlike a partner in a handful of hours, and you’d watched it all from a distance, never fully able to shake that strange sense of liminality. He was rich, and stable, and he’d never suggested that you quit your job or attempted to lock you up in his mansion of an apartment, as trapped as you’d felt. He’d raped you, but you couldn’t say you believed Suguru wouldn’t have, had you not been so terrified of what would happen if you ever tried to remove any part of yourself from his control. You knew, rationally, that they had to be around the same age, that Satoru shared every quirk and every immaturity that’d once made you disgusted to so much consider Suguru in a romantic light, but it was different. When you first met Satoru, you’d seen him as a parent, a provider, a man who wanted to raise your daughter (albeit, with or without your consent). When you first met Suguru, you’d seen him as a boy who fell asleep in temple gardens and pretended not to be as scared as he really was, and if you were being entirely honest with yourself, you’d never really been able to stop seeing him that way.  

Suguru clicked his tongue. He still wanted an answer, but it was all you could do to shrug, to let your gaze drift back to the passing landscape. “I don’t know,” you admitted. “I don’t think I would’ve wanted to marry him either, if he’d asked me to.”

You heard Suguru shift, the engine rev. He started to say something, but a shrill, ear-piercing, howl of a cry cut him off. You didn’t need to check to know it was Himari, and to know why.

“She’s hungry.” You spoke without thinking, snapping toward your daughter. You’d been on your way to feed her when you found Suguru next to her cradle, meaning she was already more than an hour past due. Himari didn’t cry often, but when she did, it was usually for a good reason. Yet another trait that must’ve come from Suguru – had she taken more closely after you, she might not have done anything but cry.

Something crossed across Suguru’s expression; a flash of irritation, a spark of anger, but nothing more violent, nothing lasting. He cooled back into stoic neutrality as one of his hands fell away from the wheel and to the back of your daughter’s onesie – lifting her out of her lap and depositing her unceremoniously in your arms, his eyes never leaving the road. “Can you take care of it?”

It. You had to dig your teeth into the side of your tongue just to stop from saying something you’d regret, from telling him not to talk about your daughter like some unfeeling, inanimate object, not to talk about her at all. You were in a car with a murderer, and you couldn’t forget that just because of some misplaced, motherly paranoia.

Instead, you looked around for a jacket, a blanket, something to cover yourself with, and when you found the car utterly and entirely barren, you settled for turning away from him and struggling the sleeve of your dress off of your shoulder. You went through the motions mechanically, automatically – cooing and running your fingers through Himari’s soft hair as she latched on, little hands grasping the scrunched fabric of your dress as she practically fed herself. You preferred formula, especially with Satoru breathing down your neck, but you didn’t have much of a choice.

A minute passed in relative silence, Himari’s crying slowly fading back into her usual incoherent, but relatively cheerful babbling. Eventually, her little eyes fluttered shut, and you pulled her away, holding her against your shoulder as she fell asleep. When she’d gone quiet, Suguru glanced toward you out of the corner of his eye. You saw him stiffen, straighten, then felt the car veer off the road and come to an abrupt, jeering stop.

You held Himari that much closer as Suguru let himself out. He took his time – his fingertips brushing over the hood as he made his way to your side of the vehicle, opening your door and nodding to the side. “You can leave her on the seat. I promise, I’ll try to be fast.”

You clung to Himari, who shifted restlessly against you. “You really can’t leave newborns unattended, she might—”

“I’ll be fast.” That smile was back in full force, albeit cast in shadow by the quickly dimming light. “I’ve missed you.”

You didn’t want to, but he was using that tone, again – the one that meant he was already running out of patience. Leaving Himari tucked against the backrest, you let Suguru take your hand and pull you out of your seat. No sooner were you on your feet than the door was slammed shut behind you, then Suguru’s hands were on your waist, pinning you against the side of the car. The heat of the dark metal sapped into your back, your shoulders as Suguru’s mouth found its way to the side of your neck, the crook. “I’ve missed you,” he repeated, his voice airy, edging on desperation. “I thought something happened to you. You were gone, and I couldn’t find her, and I thought someone must’ve taken you, or—”

His voice cut out. He didn’t draw back, but one of his hands fell away from your waist, reappearing on the neckline of your dress. His movements were hasty, rushed, like he couldn’t tear the fabric off of your shoulders and down your chest quickly enough. You weren’t wearing a bra, but even if you had been, you doubt it would’ve been much more of a barrier. A chilled sea breeze washed over your exposed chest as Suguru’s mouth fell from your throat to your collarbone, and then to the curve of your breast, lingering. “Wanted to do this since you got pregnant,” he muttered, as something heavy and spiked dropped from your diaphragm to the pit of your stomach. “Held off for the baby, but she’s had more than enough time with you.”

For a brief moment, every intelligent part of your mind seemed to slow, stall, then stop altogether. You opened your mouth, ready to ask what he meant, but unfortunately, you weren’t given the chance to be so painfully oblivious.

Suguru’s lips latched onto your left nipple, and anything you might’ve said was replaced with a hitched whimper.

He was rougher than he really had to be, than his daughter had ever been. The only thing you could think to compare him to, deservedly, was Satoru; just as forceful, just as loud, just as sickeningly eager. The only difference was his tempo. Satoru had always been too giddy not to rush, eager to steal a kiss before you left for work or wake you up with a hand lodged between your thighs, but Suguru seemed content to act as if he had all the time in the world, as if you were somewhere more private than the shoulder of a public road. The flat of his tongue lulled over your nipple as he drank, his free hand coming up to paw at your other breast in almost meditative patterns. You tried to shut your eyes, to block out the wet sounds of his lips working against your skin, but as routine as it was supposed to be, there was little you could do not to hear an occasional, satisfied grunt, not to feel a certain amount of relief as the pressure you’d learned to ignore began to dissipate. His teeth grazed against your skin, and reflexively, your hand found the back of his head, nails biting into his scalp. Rather than pull away, Suguru seemed to purr – the noise deep and throaty, reverberating against you as he leaned that much closer, as he shifted and you felt something stiff press into your thigh. Don’t think about it, you forced yourself to chant in the back of your mind, trying to remember all the age-old coping mechanisms you’d used when you were with him, all the coping mechanisms you’d forgotten after realizing that they wouldn’t work on someone as unpredictable as Satoru. You couldn’t think about it. You couldn’t put a name to it. You couldn’t acknowledge that sucking on chest was in any way connected to the hard, pulsing cock pressing into your—

But you didn’t have a choice. Suguru gasped, his breath hitching, and then he was drawing away from you, his forehead resting against your collarbone as a hand fell to the waistband of his jeans, freeing his cock – already stiff, already leaking into his palm. “I missed you.” You’d lost track of how many times he’d repeated the same meaningless phrase, but this time, his voice shook, misery seeping out from each fractured syllable. You might’ve felt more pity, but any sympathy you might’ve been able to feel for him was quickly drowned out by the material of your skirt being gathered in handfuls at your waist, his cock finding its way between your plush thighs. His larger body kept yours in place as he rutted against you, his open mouth leaking drool and milk and all the other ungodly things you could imagine onto your chest. It was embarrassing, really – just how tightly you kept your eyes shut, like a child walking through their first haunted house. Like all the bad things in the world would go away just because you couldn’t see them. “For weeks, I couldn’t—I didn’t know where you were, I thought—”

His form jolted against yours. You felt it – a sudden, liquid heat against your thighs, a sudden tension where Suguru’s chest pressed into yours – at the same time you felt the first tear fall, searing your skin where it made contact. There was another, then yet another, before you finally realized what was happening.

Suguru was crying.

Huh.

He’d never done that, before.

Finally, you forced yourself to open your eyes. Rather than attempting to look at Suguru, to see if his shoulders were shaking as violently as it felt like they were, your gaze moved outward, first to the bay, then to the sky – as black as spilled ink, now that the last traces of light had faded. As black as Suguru’s eyes.

You carded your fingers through his hair as he cried silently into your shoulder, never making a sound. Minutes passed before he spoke again, but you let him be the one to break the silence. “I don’t get it.” You hummed, and he went on. “I don’t understand why you didn’t try to leave him, too.”

“I might’ve, eventually. If I’d had more time.”

“But you didn’t.” His blunt nails bit into your waist with enough force to sting, but you didn’t say anything. “I don’t understand why you didn’t.”

You didn’t try to answer.

~

Suguru stopped at a gas station to clean himself up. You stayed in the car, clutching Himari to your chest, attempting not to flinch as her tiny hands pulled at your hair and grabbed at your skirt – searching for something to do, to entertain herself with. The rest of the drive passed in relative silence. Suguru didn’t try to make conversation, and even if you’d wanted to, you wouldn’t know where to start.

Finally, Suguru turned down an unpaved backroad, and far too soon, you were in front of a house you recognized. The architecture was traditional, the design compact, but you could remember Suguru saying that he and the girls didn’t need much. Later on, when he decided you shouldn’t be allowed to wander any farther than his line of sight during your pregnancy, he’d played with the idea of a larger property – something that could accommodate a growing family. If he’d ever had any real plans, they must’ve been abandoned after you left.

“We’re only stopping by,” Suguru explained, as he moved to step out. You didn’t wait for him this time – shouldering the door open and pulling yourself to your feet before he could decide he needed to drag you out of the car himself. “There’s a nursery attached to the master bedroom. The girls can look after Himari while we’re gone.”

Your breathing hitched, then stopped altogether.

The girls.

You’d managed to forget you’d have to see them, tonight. Suguru would’ve been enough to handle on his own.

You tried to take a step back, more out of reflex than anything, but your legs were unsteady, unreliable. You stumbled, but before you could so much as start to fall, Suguru was by your side, one hand on your arm and the other underneath Himari. He started to say something, but you were faster, louder. “I—I can’t. They’ll be so—I knew you wouldn’t hurt them, but I shouldn’t have—”

“They’ll be just fine.” He wasn’t crying, anymore. Instead, he took on the inflection, the stature he’d worn when you first met him – when he’d been the level-headed priest and you’d been a distraught non-believe desperate for help. If you hadn’t known better, if you couldn’t still see the reddened skin around his eyes, you might’ve called his composure sadistic. “And they’ve been waiting for you all night. Wouldn’t it be cruel to disappoint them now?”

It'd be crueler to make them face the woman who’d married their father and abandoned them without a second thought, but you doubted Suguru would agree. He was already curling his arm around yours, already guiding you towards the rustic villa. Whatever daze was keeping you from losing your mind entirely must’ve worn-off sometime during the drive. It was all you could do to keep yourself on your feet as you edged closer, closer to the front door. You were walking down the unpaved driveway, then standing on the wooden porch, and then, Suguru was ushering you inside – taking Himari out of your arms as you passed over the threshold. You didn’t try to resist. He wouldn’t ask the girls to hurt her, not after how long he’d spent holding the idea of a new, adorably helpless little sister over their heads, and wherever he was going to do to you after this, you didn’t want Himari involved. You didn’t want to give him an excuse to use her against you.

Suguru moved further into the villa, but you froze in the entryway. You could already hear the little, rushing footsteps, already picture the betrayal in their eyes, the questions they’d ask you and the answers you wouldn’t be able to give them. They’d hate you. They had to already hate you. You abandoned them, and they would know you abandoned them, and they would—

Two arms wrapping around your legs, the force of a smaller body crashing into yours. You glanced down and found Mimiko, clinging to your waist, her face buried in the material of your skirt. She wasn’t crying, but you could see her shoulders shaking, feel her nails digging into your thigh through the thin fabric. Reflexively, you reached down, resting a hand on top of her head and moving to nudge her away gently, to see if she needed help, but she only clung to you that much tighter.

Nanako was there, too, but she hadn’t latched onto you. Unlike her sister, she kept her distance, hands ringing the hem of her sweater as she stared pointedly at the floor. “Geto-sama told us what happened,” she explained, while Mimiko mumbled something incoherent and affirmative into your skirt. “He said that sorcerer – the white-haired one – took you and Himari away.” There was a pause, a quick glance in your direction. “He promised he wouldn’t let it happen again.”

Her eyes met yours, and suddenly, her nervous posture, the measured distance left between you and her – it made sense. You recognize the light in her eyes, or rather, the lack therefore.

It was the same shadow her father’s eyes took on, when he looked at you.

Whatever lie he’d told them, Nanako clearly didn’t believe it. Mimiko – sweet and loyal and prone to holding onto the things she loved like there was someone could come and take them away at any time – would’ve believed Suguru if he told her that world ended every time she closed her eyes, but Nanako was more pragmatic. She knew something was wrong. You doubted she would speak to you at all if she knew just how wrong, but still.

Swallowing your guilt, you lowered yourself to one knee and hugged Mimiko properly, squeezing her for one beat, then another, before letting her go entirely. Nanako was next. For all her reservations, she was running towards you as soon as you opened your arms to her, crashing into your chest and clinging to you twice as tightly as her sister had. “I’m sure he won’t,” you mumbled into her hair. And then, pulling back, “I know I was gone for a while, but it’s alright. The sorcerer Geto-sama told you about – he just wanted a little advice. He had two children he was raising all on his own, just like Geto. He heard all about how wonderful you two are, and wanted to know if I could stay and show him how to bring up the best kids in the world.” A kiss on either forehead, a thumb drawn over Mimiko’s cheeks to wipe away the tears she was frantically (and unsuccessfully) attempting to paw away on her own. “But, although I was very flattered, I told him that I had to go home. I knew you two would be fine, of course, but let’s face it – Geto wouldn’t last a day without me.”

It was your turn to pause, now, to lower your voice into something secretive. Mimiko was still sniffling, still determined to keep her face buried in her hands or your shoulder, but you made sure to meet Nanako’s eyes, to sound as sincere as you could – even if complete honesty was beyond you, at the moment. “Don’t tell Geto, but I missed you two most of all.”

Nanako looked like she wanted to say something. She almost did, too – tensing, opening her mouth, but she shut it again just as quickly, her eyes falling back to the ground in a sharp, violently narrow glare.

The pain was instant and beyond words. You wanted to pull her and Mimiko close again, to squeeze them tight and promise you wouldn’t leave them, not again, to apologize when you’d inevitably have to for the sake of a sister you hadn’t given them time to love. You wanted to—

You heard Suguru’s footsteps, felt his hand on your shoulder, and every thought you might’ve had that wasn’t devoted to your daughter’s well-being was gone.

Rather than embracing the girls, you drew back from them. Suguru pulled you gently to your feet, his hand falling from your shoulder to your elbow before wrapping around your wrist. “Keep an eye on your sister.” You could only be thankful there was still an ounce of warmth in his voice, as he addressed the girls. “(Y/n) and I have one more errand to run. We’re trusting you two to look after her, until we come back.”

You might’ve added something, made sure they both knew that you really had missed them, but Suguru was already drawing you towards the door – still ajar. The last thing you saw was Nanako taking Mimiko by the wrist before the door was slammed shut, and you were left entirely alone with Suguru.

~

Of all the places you expected him to take you, his temple hadn’t made the list.

His followers must’ve been sent away for the night, and the property’s attendants either dismissed or told to stay in their dorms. Every window was dark and shuttered, the gates locked and the doors bared. As you followed Suguru across the desolate courtyard and into the main shrine, you tried to think of places you would’ve wanted to be taken to, but came up empty. Part of you had been expecting the cheap, equally lifeless chain motels he’d shown a fondness for during your pregnancy, or worse, the hotel where you’d spent your first night together. Another, larger, quieter part had been able to imagine him driving into the deepest, darkest forest he could find and having his monstrous spirits tear you to shreds before you could so much as scream.

His ultimate destination was far from shocking, and yet, you still felt your heart drop into your stomach as he led you into his darkened sanctuary. As if in preparation, two tapered candles had been left burning in metal trays on either side of the screen door, and Suguru took one up as he passed by. You were left to linger in the doorway as, with a surprising meticulousness, he lit the candles scattered throughout the sanctuary, casting the open space in an ebbing golden glow. When he was finished, he collapsed onto his raised dais – perched on its edge, rather than laid across it. He almost looked out of place, without his usual costume, his usual posture. He almost looked his age.

You didn’t move. Running seemed impossible, but so did breaking the silence, doing anything to make yourself an active participant in Suguru’s bizarre ritual rather than a passive observer, a prop to be moved from place to place with little thought as to where you might want to be. A moment passed in silence, then another. Finally, he cracked. “Sit down.”

You didn’t move. “Are you going to kill me?”

He didn’t react. “All I asked you to do was sit down, love.”

“Are you going to kill Himari?”

He flinched into himself, going crooked. Something like hurt passed across his expression, as genuine as it was hypocritical.

He didn’t respond, but either out of pity or remorse or a lack of anything else to do, you found yourself closing the gap between you and him, setting yourself down on the edge of his platform. Immediately, his head fell onto your shoulder, his hand to your thigh, as if he was afraid you’d leave him again if he didn’t cling to you. “…I thought about breaking your legs,” he confessed, without prompting. “I was angry, when I realized you hadn’t been taken by force. I thought I’d be able to do it in Satoru’s apartment, leave enough blood to make him think I’d killed you, but—” There was a pause, a slow shake of his head. “I don’t know. I guess I waited too long, lost the nerve or something.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.” And then, when he shifted curiously beside you, “It would’ve scared the girls. They’re already having such a hard time.”

At that, Suguru melted entirely against you. There was an airy laugh, a small sigh, and you felt his hand on your hip, his thumb drawing loose patterns into your side. “So considerate,” he muttered, nuzzling into the dip of your shoulder. “Maybe, one day, you’ll care about me like that, too.”

A knot formed in the back of your throat. It wasn’t that you didn’t care for him – or, that you hadn’t, before he made it clear that the ways you were capable of caring for him weren’t enough. If you hadn’t felt anything for him, none of this would’ve ever happened. If he’d been satisfied to let you feel the same way about him that you felt about his daughters, it would never have gotten this bad. If you’d just laid back and let him fuck you the first time he’d asked, he would’ve lost interest in you months ago. You almost said so, too, tensed and opened your mouth and everything, but Suguru was moving before you had the chance to spit something out, his mouth crashing into yours with all the care and all the tenderness of a blunt object shattering bone. His teeth cut into your bottom lip, his body pressing into yours with enough force to throw you off balance, but his arms were already around your waist, keeping you upright. It was less that he slid off of the dais and more that he collapsed – dropping onto his knees at your feet, as little difference as it made in terms of height. He never let you stray very far, but tonight, he seemed determined never to leave more than a hair’s width of space between your body and his. His lips fell from your mouth to your neck, his hands finding their way to your hips. One darted for your neckline, but dropped back to your waist just as suddenly – all ten fingers soon burrowed into the plush of your waist.

“Your dress.” He wasn’t panting, wasn’t grinning, wasn’t laughing. His voice reverberated dully against the base of your throat, his pointed canines scraping over your skin as he spoke. “Take it off.”

You swallowed. Normally, he preferred to undress and re-dress you himself. You’d been scolded more than once for thinking you had any right to decide what you wore without his loving input, and when pressed, he claimed it was a show of love; proof of his dedication, his devotion.

This wasn’t about love, though, or dedication, or any other flowery word he’d ever used with you.

This was about control.

Your hands shook as you raised them to the back of your dress, finding the row of corset-type strings keeping the loose material in place. You fumbled with the knot for seconds, but Suguru was patient, willing to wait until the bodice fell away from your chest entirely, pooling at your midriff. You weren’t wearing a bra (again, an extremely difficult habit not to get into with a newborn at home), and one of Suguru’s hands came up, a scarred palm cupping your breast with enough force to bruise. You remembered, dimly, the time he’d spent pulled over by the side of the road earlier that day, but the memory was foggy, already so far away. You wouldn’t have been surprised if all of this seemed like one hazy, distant dream by tomorrow morning.

He detached from you suddenly, pulling away and kneeling on the sanctuary floor. Rather than relief, you only felt the world distort more violently around you; your pulse slowing and your vision burning as you clumsily pushed yourself to your feet, allowing your dress to fall away entirely. You moved to sit back down, but Suguru caught you before you could – his fist wrapping around your ankle, then skirting upward, settling gingerly against your thigh as his dark, soulless eyes raked over you. His stare caught on your panties, and his expression darkened. “I’m going to kill him.”

You didn’t have to ask what he meant. The pair had been Satoru’s pick; not quite a gift, but something given to you, regardless. They matched his aesthetics – needlessly detailed, smothered in lace, cast a shade of light blue so pale, it bordered on ivory. With how expensive Satoru’s tastes tended to run, you were sure the set had cost a fortune, but the priceless fabric gave away without protest as Suguru slipped two fingers under the waistband and tore. The ruined article fell away before you could so much as process that he’d moved.

Suguru’s impressive patience waned quickly. In the same motion, he pushed himself to his feet and took you into his arms, carrying you against his chest onto the dais, then to the altar pressed against the far wall. The scrolls laid across it were sent to floor with a single movement of his arm, and in the blink of an eye, you were laid across the polished wood, Suguru on his knees between your open legs. Your mouth opened, but there was no time to protest, to call out before his face was buried between his thighs, tongue lapping over the length of your slit. Still, you grit your teeth, bracing yourself to sit up, to tell him to—

Oh.

He'd gotten his tongue pierced, sometime after you left.

He was shameless. A rounded, jeweled stud dragged over your pussy, circling your clit with no pattern or pace, no intention other than to taste you. Never content to leave you to your own devices, he kept his hands wrapped around your hips, pinning you to the surface of the altar as he tried to all-but swallow you whole. It was messy, and overzealous, and worst of all, it was good. It was a matter of seconds before a mixture of spit and arousal stained the inside of your thighs and dripped from his chin, less than a full minute before you had to concentrate just to keep yourself from squirming underneath him. Not that it would’ve mattered, if you had. Suguru had always been playful in bed, content to milk reactions out of you with measured precision and careful vigilance, but that had been when you at least attempted to present yourself as willing. Right now, anything you might’ve felt seemed secondary to Suguru’s pleasure; satisfied groans soon joining the slick, wet noise ricocheting off the walls of his sanctuary. You dug your teeth into your bottom lip, crossed your arms over your face, but neither distraction helped to stifle the feeling of his lips latching onto your clit, suckling on it with all the care and all the delicacy of a butcher’s knife cutting into lifeless flesh. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes by the time he pulled away, but the pressure was immediately replaced by the bridge of his nose grinding harshly against the bundle of nerves, his tongue slipping past your entrance to curl against the most vulnerable parts of your cunt.

He let out another reverberating moan, and reflexively, your hand shot to the back of his head, your fingers soon tangled in his dark hair. One of his hands fell from your waist, and for a moment, you thought he was moving to pry away yours, that he didn’t want you touching him. But, fortunately or otherwise, his attention wasn’t on you. Instead, he reached for the elastic band holding his hair in place, pulling it out with enough force to snap the cheap plastic. You didn’t realize what he was trying to do until you felt him lean into your palm, his eyes fluttering shut as he melted into the semblance of your touch.

If you’d been capable of feeling anything more towards Suguru than you already did, you might’ve found the sight pitiful.

At the moment, though, you weren’t in a place to be quite so sentimental. It was all you could do to knot his hair around your fingers as you felt tight and hot form in your core, as your thighs threatened to snap shut around his head. You bit into the inside of your check with enough force to draw blood as Suguru moaned shamelessly, as he dragged you that much closer. It was too easy to forget to care whether or not he’d enjoyed it, too reflexive to gather his hair in your first and pull, to buck involuntarily into his mouth, to—

Suguru drew back suddenly, pushing himself to his feet. Thankfully, you caught yourself before you could feel disappointment, and after a few shallow breaths, found the strength to follow his stare away from you and towards the sanctuary door. Instantly, your heart stopped beating, the blood running cold in your veins.

Satoru stood in the doorway, cast in shadow save for his bright, piercing eyes. One of his hands was still wrapped around the doorframe, while the other hung limp at his side, cupping a small, pulsing ball of… light?

You didn’t have time to think about it. Suguru acted swiftly – pulling you into his arms and onto his lap, seating himself on the altar where you’d previously laid. “Drop it,” he said, his tone cold, cutting, not unlike an owner talking to his disobedient pet. He’d been short with you all night, but you couldn’t say he’d ever spoken to you quite like that. “Before you do something you’ll regret.”

The light dimmed before disappearing entirely, but Satoru didn’t move. He didn’t do anything, but you could feel it – a drop in the sanctuary’s temperature, a change in the air pressure, something deep and intrinsic that you didn’t want to be a part of. Reflexively, you tried to stand, to move, but Suguru held you tight, an arm barred over your midriff.

Despite everything, Satoru was the first to break the silence, albeit without doing anything to make that intangible tension any more bearable. “I should kill you.”

“You should.” Suguru’s fingertips dug into your side. “Those are your orders, aren’t they? Or are you going to put off delivering my head to the higher-ups for another three years?”

Whatever he was talking about, Satoru didn’t seem interested in acknowledging it. “You took my girls.”

“You fucked my wife.”

At that, something seemed to break. Suguru’s chest pressed into your back as Satoru’s eyes shut, as he sucked in a harsh breath and broke out into a fanged grin, the sharpest you’d ever seen him wear. “Yeah. Yeah, I did.��� He took a step forward, all hostility gone in favor of a sort of manic, unpredictable buzz. You didn’t know whether to be relieved that there was a slightly diminished chance you’d be caught in the middle of their fight to the death or terrified at the thought that they might want to do anything but tear out each others’ throats. “I fucked her after she left you. Bet you can’t stand it – knowing you’re not the only one who gets to run away.”

Suguru, for all his faults, didn’t flinch. He’d always had an even-temper at the worst of time. “What do you want, ‘toru?”

Satoru’s stare fell away from Suguru and onto you. His expression softened, taking on an almost apologetic lilt. Almost, but not quite.

“Not much,” he admitted, with a shrug. Even from a distance, even in the dark, you could tell his nonchalance was forced. “Just to say goodbye, make sure my pretty girl’s gonna be taken care of. Gotta wrap up loose ends, n’ all that.”

Suguru, for his part, seemed far from convinced. His grip didn’t loosen; if anything, he only held you closer. “And why should I let you?”

“Because I love her?” And then, with another step toward the altar, “Because you know I could wipe this building off the face of the planet, if I wanted to.”  

Pragmatic as he was, Suguru seemed to consider it. The hand over your side flexed, a chin settling against the dip of your shoulder, and beneath you, his stiff cock pressed into your ass – either unaffected or worse, fueled on by Satoru’s interruption. You were still attempting not to dwell on the implications when Suguru responded, level-headed as always.

“If you try anything, I’ll kill the baby.”

The second before a car crash, the spark where two wires failed to connect. For the longest time, you couldn’t seem to process what he’d said or how it could’ve been so gut-wrenchingly terrible. Rather than pull away, you flattened yourself against him, glancing over your shoulder. You opened your mouth, but the ability to speak was suddenly beyond you, set deliberately out of your reach. He didn’t mean it. He couldn’t mean it, and yet, his expression was stoic, unchanging, the pinnacle of neutrality. There was no laugh from Satoru either, forced or otherwise. Still, he kept up his smile. As if Suguru hadn’t said anything of consequence. As if either of them had any right to so much as touch your daughter.

Satoru didn’t respond to the threat, nor did Suguru urge him to. Almost mechanically, Suguru’s arm fell away from your midriff, and with little more than a nudge to the back of your shoulder, you were on your feet, vulnerable and shaking on the center of the raised dais. You could still feel a mix of slick and saliva coating the inside of your thighs, and you had to swallow the urge to make a grab for your clothes, to put yourself through the humiliation of being forced to strip twice in one night.

 Thankfully, tragically, you were liberated from any illusion of free choice swiftly. Without protest from Suguru, Satoru stepped onto the dais and took you by the hand, either overlooking or failing to acknowledge the panic in your eyes in favor of intertwining his fingers with yours and squeezing gently, as if you could still believe he genuinely wanted to comfort you. Rather than pulling you into his arms, dragging you down to the floor, he looked to Suguru, cocking his head to the side. “Get up.”

Suguru’s lips quirked downward, but he obeyed, pushing himself to his feet. “How blasphemous.”

Now, he pulled you off of your feet. In a moment, you were in his arms, and the next, you were perched on the altar, your back pressed against the wall and your legs spread around Satoru’s waist. “Blasphemous,” Satoru echoed, his voice low but plainly audible in the silence of the sanctuary. “would be fucking the most beautiful woman in the world on the ground. That’s why I’m her favorite – ‘cause I’m so considerate.”

No part of you trusted Suguru. No part of you preferred Suguru to Satoru, or the other way around. No part of you thought that, unless your life or his pride was threatened, he’d ever lift a finger to help you, but you found yourself glancing toward him out of the corner of your eye, doing your best to silently communicate that you needed to get out of here. Instead of sympathy, jealousy, you only found an idle smirk, a glassy sheen over his eyes that you could only imagine you’d mirrored for most of the day. “You’re not the one she’s married to, idiot.”

There was a dip, a surprisingly fleeting kiss to your lips, then your jaw, then your throat. “But she would get with me if you were out of the picture, right?” The question was punctuated with a nip to your collarbone, a hand dropped low enough to cup your pussy. The heel of his palm ground into your clit as two fingers pushed into your soaked cunt, spreading apart and scissoring you open. You tried to bow your head, to keep your eyes closed and your mouth shut, but you were still sensitive from your ruined climax, still so painfully exposed, and there was nothing you could do to bite back the cracked whines and pitiful mewls that slipped through your pursed lips. It was far from verbal confirmation, but Satoru hummed, grinned against your chest as if you’d sung his praises. “I’d get you a nicer ring, nicer house, nicer honeymoon. Always make sure you’re good n’ taken care of while Suguru’s busy playing god.”

Suguru huffed, and Satoru fell into a steady pace, adding a third digit as he carelessly fucked his fingers into your cunt. You didn’t hear him move, but before you could brace yourself, Suguru was at your side, leaning onto the altar to cup your face and trace over your jaw with the pad of his thumb. “I take care of you, don’t I?” You opened your mouth reflexively, ready to tell him that you were sorry, that you didn’t want him to touch you, that you wanted this to stop, but he was faster than you, more malicious. His thumb was forced past your lips before you could make a sound, pressed against the flat of your tongue with just enough force for your jaw to ache in protest. “I can’t blame Satoru for not being able to see that, though. Not when you treat me so cruelly.”

Cruelly. You’d never been cruel – at least, no crueler than you absolutely needed to be to survive. You felt pins and needles prick at the corners of your eyes before you noticed your vision blurring, before tears were streaming down either side of your face in boiling tracks. Satoru purred in sympathy, falling low and nuzzling into the tender spot at the base of your throat, flicking his wrist and burying himself inside of you to the knuckle. “You don’t have to worry, I know he’s the mean one.”

He was whispering, but that didn’t matter. He was too close, too awful for each word not to be absolutely deafening, for each little movement of his hand not to leave your nails scraping against the smooth wood of the altar, searching for purchase you wouldn’t find. Time was moving too quickly, it had been since you arrived at the temple. You couldn’t scream, couldn’t pull away, couldn’t breathe before Satoru pressed an open-mouthed kiss into the side of your neck and you were coming undone around his fingers, your thighs locking around his arm and keeping his digits inside of you until you could remember how to suck in a gasping inhale, until the last of the aftershocks faded and you could bring yourself to open your eyes. It wasn’t until the warmth of Satoru’s mouth fell away from your neck that you noticed the strange, copper tinge spread over your tongue, that you registered the absence of Suguru’s hand against your jaw. When you thought to look in his direction, he was evaluating his own hand. A thin, red line formed a dotted ring around the base of his thumb. You must’ve bitten down, at some point.

You must’ve hurt him.

Fear drowned out any satisfaction there might’ve been. He mentioned deciding against breaking your legs, earlier; was there any chance he’d change his mind? Would Satoru be able to stop him, if he tried to hurt you? Would Satoru even want to stop him? Himari was still alone, still in danger, and you wouldn’t be able to get to her if you couldn’t walk. You wouldn’t be able to stop Suguru from—

Satoru reached out, his hand curling around Suguru’s wrist and dragging it down to his height. With Satoru’s guidance, Suguru’s thumb came to rest against his bottom lip, then slipped into Satoru’s mouth entirely, his lips soon sealed around its base. There was a second or two of stillness, a swallowing-type noise too loud to ignore despite your best attempts not to hear it, and then, Suguru was pulling away and Satoru’s lips were crashing into yours.

It was strange for Suguru to be so clumsy, but you couldn’t bring yourself to be as surprised by Satoru’s lack of polish. It was all you could do to choke back a renewed sob as his mouth moved against yours, as his pointed teeth ghosted over your lips and grazed the underside of your tongue. He was all instinct, no logic, and when you tried to straighten, to leave enough room between you and him to catch your breath, he only seemed to want you closer. His hands were on your waist, then your arms, then your chest, never satisfied unless he could dig his claws into the most tender parts of you, and this time, when his canines grazed over your lips, he wasn’t satisfied to leave your connection at contact alone. He let out a shameless moan as he lapped at the puncture wound, warm blood leaking down your chin and pooling on your chest where it pressed into his. Again, you looked to Suguru for help, and again, you immediately wished you hadn’t bothered.

He wasn’t perched on the altar, anymore. No – he’d shifted, slinked, positioned himself behind Satoru where he was bent at the waist. He caught your eye as his arms snaked around Satoru’s midriff, as Satoru arched his back to better take advantage of the new contact. There was the distant, muffled sound of fabric rustling, a keening whine from Satoru, and then, Suguru’s hand was curled around Satoru’s stiff, leaking cock – pumping over the shaft while his dark eyes burned holes into yours. “Get it over with,” he muttered, the bitter sterility of his tone a sharp juxtaposition to the grin creeping across his expression. “Before I remember why I want you dead.”

Satoru didn’t have to be coaxed into compliance. No, he let himself be eased into place, let Suguru slot himself against his back as he carefully aligned Satoru’s flushed tip to your entrance. Even after he’d let go, his hands finding the edge of the altar on either side of you, Satoru failed to move on his own. You could feel him drifting from your lips to your throat, then lower – to the crook of your neck, a spot Suguru’d always favored. Vaguely, you were aware of his lips moving against your skin, of warm breath fanning over your chest and leaving frost wherever it’d touched. His voice was muffled by proximity, but whether or not you could hear him didn’t really matter. You would’ve recognized those three little words from a thousand miles away.

“I love you.”

If you’d been able to laugh, you would’ve.

At least Satoru didn’t expect you to say it back.

Suguru must’ve missed it – that, or he was beyond the point of caring. His teeth sunk into the nape of Satoru’s neck, and then, something hot and piercing was inside of you.

This time, you couldn’t stop yourself from crying out. A fractured moan tumbled past your lips as Satoru immediately fell into a brutal pace; all that teasing tenderness gone the moment your pussy was wrapped around his cock. Suguru didn’t pull away, but he didn’t help, either; straightening his back and gazing down at you with that same foggy, absent, pleased expression. It took you a moment to put a name to it; lovestruck, all glassy eyes and hollow smiles, any anger hidden behind a thick curtain of glazed-over satisfaction. He’d never looked away from you, but when you met his eyes, he seemed to soften even further, his shoulders dropping as he brought a hand to the small of Suguru’s back, spurring him on. “He’s always been this bad.”  Suguru let out a keening whine into your shoulder, and Suguru chuckled airily. “Like a dog in heat. You’d think be as desperate as one, too, but apparently, his standards are too high for him to do anything but act like a whore.”

You couldn’t take it – the way Satoru’s hips crashed into yours, how his pubic bone ground against your clit, the pure venom interlaced with Suguru’s velvet-soft tone. You knew that it was useless, childish, but you couldn’t swallow down the cracked sob that rose up from somewhere deep and unprotected in your chest, couldn’t hold back the tears now flowing freely down your cheeks. Suguru’s smile widened, his sharpened teeth catching the dull candlelight, but Satoru was kind enough not to be so observant. His attention was dedicated entirely to fucking into you as quickly and as deeply as possible; his cock never less than half buried. You felt him twitch, and before you could hold yourself back, your hands were on his back, your nails embedded in pale skin and tearing upward every time he bottomed out and sent a new type of agony coursing through your system. “Stop, stop, I can’t—”

“You can.” Clipped, concise, dripping with stone-cold affection. You’d be surprised if you ever heard any warmth in Suguru’s voice again. “That is, unless you’d like to break two hearts on the same night.”

Your mouth was still open, but you couldn’t answer. Satoru groaned as he rutted into you, his pace growing that much more erratic, his hips grinding into yours. He pulled you into another deep, copper-tinged kiss as he pressed his body flush to yours, as you felt something thick and hot and soul-crushingly familiar flood into you. It might’ve been the sensitivity, or the overstimulation, or the herbal stench of incense left to burn for a minute too long finally taking its toll – it didn’t really matter, either way. No explanation could’ve dampened the feeling of your cunt clenching tight around him, could’ve prevented the utter desolation of cumming on Satoru’s cock.

It seemed to go on for the longest time – second after second of thoughtless, helpless pleasure, century after century of Satoru against you, edging on your climax with the occasional sharp movement from his hips, a hasty kiss pressed into the corner of your jaw. Finally, after a small eternity, the last of the aftershocks faded, unwanted bliss fading into a slow, pulsing ache settled deep into the deepest pit of your chest. You felt Satoru shift; not pulling away, but lifting himself up, bringing his mouth to the shell of your ear. “I love you,” he said, again, and then, more quietly, “I’m sorry.”

You wanted to say something, to call him a liar, to spit out every venomous and vitriolic and warranted thing you could ever say to either of them, but it was already too late. Something vital slid out of place, a poor signal finally losing connection entirely, and then, everything went dark.

~

Nine months later, you’d find yourself in Suguru’s temple again, albeit not his sanctuary. A brown-haired woman in a lab coat and several female attendants swarmed around you, pressing damp cloths to your forehead and constantly rearranging the thick quilts laid over your limp body. Dried tears formed defined tracks down your cheeks, and every part of you screamed for rest, for escape, for a quick and merciful death. It was all you could do to suck in a shuddering breath, to remind yourself that there were more important things in the world than your own well-being. Sleep could wait. This couldn’t.

Slowly, you managed to turn your head towards Suguru, standing at your bedside just as he had for the past six hours. Your vision was distorted, dimmed around the edges, but it would’ve been impossible to miss the small, white bundle in his arms, already beginning to move. You could practically taste the relief, only slightly soured by your own exhaustion. Loving Himari had been a miracle. It would’ve been a lie to say that you hadn’t expected yourself to be more callous, the second time part of you was ripped away and molded into the shape of a man you hated.

Your eyes flickered to Suguru’s expression, to those impossibly dark eyes, and instantly, your relief was replaced by pure, unadulterated dread. A smile played at the corner of his mouth, softened and careless, but… Oh, god.

You’d never seen so much death in his eyes.

“Suguru.” You hadn’t meant to say anything, and yet, your voice was clear – a little hoarse, but far stronger than you felt. Never looking away from the bundle, he hummed, and you went on. “Can I see…?”

“Him,” Suguru filled in, bouncing your newborn – your son, gently. “A healthy baby boy. It’s a shame, really – I chose names with another girl in-mind.”

Thankfully, he didn’t make you ask again. With no small amount of care, the bundle was placed gently onto your chest, Suguru’s hand remaining on your shoulder – as if only waiting for your limited strength to give out. It took you a long moment to brush the swaddling sheets to the swaddling blanket aside, little hands immediately reaching up to bat against your own, and another to register what you were looking at. It wasn’t hard to see why Suguru was so angry.

You stared down at your son, and eyes more blue than the clearest, brightest sky stared back at you.

[sotiriabellou]

spike's popularity baffles me so much like yeah hes pathetic and wears leather jackets whatever but he tried to rape buffy.in the show he literally tried to rape her.i dont see this very major plot point being mentioned at all when it comes to him and it honestly concerns me a bit

[sunflowersand-bees]

😅 🏆 💔

TW ATTEMPTED RAPE MENTION

i've written two non-graphic but almost attempted rape scenes, which i'm not embarrassed about per say, it's a serious topic and i treat it like a serious topic in my writing, but it's still weird to actually write out, you know?

my most popular fic is called you're calling me now?, it's an anxceit fic in the sanders sides fandom. it should be first under my profile here.

yes, i have had a fic i wrote break my heart, it's linked here. it's called unsettled grievances and it's a byler fic and i cried when i wrote it.

thanks for the ask river! <3

im so mad right now bc id answered all of these and then IT DIDNT SAVE WHEN I WENT TO ANOTHER TAB so now you get these shitty half assed answers

[shocymer]

Redemption

"To him who's giving you a second chance, If there's heaven and hell, would you still risk everything for him?"

Pairing : mafia!Mingi × f!reader

Word counts : 6,1k

Contents and Warning : 18+ smut mdni! , mafia! AU, mention of illegal drugs, TW! mention of abused (undetailed), mention of rape (undetailed), attachment issue, suicide attempt (see the end notes), smoking cigs!mingi, action, gunfight, bloodshed, soft dom!mingi, oral (giving), size kink, slightly choking, unprotected sex, cumshot, creampie, husband!Mingi.

× This works is part of "The Brothers Series", and never meant to represent Mingi in any shape or form ×

Cold. Ache. Numb joints. Struggled to blink your eyes for a few times, you found yourself laying down in the dark alley for don’t even know how many hours have passed. Slowly moving your bruised frail hand to reach those chapped lips of yours. A familiar deep voice startled you. You saw those man through the corner of your eyes.

He's leaning against the alley wall next to you. Lighted his cigarette, before letting out a puff of smoke that slowly dissolve into thin air.

“Just like I told you before young lady. You should take my last offer.”

The tears rolled down your cheek. Recollecting your memories how he found you in the similar state a week before, except it isn’t worse as now. With the same bruises covered all over your body, due to escaping from your abused household, you could still save that perfect healthy legs of yours.

His words kept ringing inside of your head. As it’s like forced to get out of it. “Come with me, I can guarantee your safety.” Made you rethink over few times. Who else should I trust? People who only called themselves family constantly abusing you whenever they like just to venting out their anger issues. So far you could endure it all, but unfortunately not last night. In attempted to fight back, your legs get broken instead. Right in the middle of the night after all of those hell ride, you dragged your limping self to this dark alley with the only remaining strength.

The man shrugged his shoulder in impatience. Waiting for your answer who’s still silently cry while laying on the cold asphalt not moving an inches.

“So, how is it?” he’s asking your final decision.

You turn your head towards him, mouthing the words “Please take me.” Before the consciousness left you out.

He throw away the remaining cigarette that slipped between his fingers. Stepped on it with the tip of his sole then walk slowly towards your body. He crouched down while scanning your miserable state.

Shook his head as if he felt the pain after seeing you, then a deep sighed left from his mouth. “What a poor soul, you should’ve decided earlier.”

After he brushed off the dust on his black suit a little bit, he carried you into his arms. Proceed to walk step by step towards the end, greeted by his men who’s immediately open the car door for him. Then they drove away, taking you out of that terrible dark alley, leaving it’s coldness and your past behind.

⁠✧

“As expected you’re doing a good job.” His sweet voice echoed in your ears, quite the opposite of his intimidating looks.

It’s the same man who saved you a few years back, Song Mingi. He’d been diving in illegal activities since the beginning of his life, doing a lot of dirty works neatly. His men were scattered everywhere, all thanks to the connections he had built from a long time ago. And you think you’re also part of them.

You devoted your entire life for him as he’s your salvation. Obediently do everything he ordered without hesitation. Despite all of the sin he had done, never in any slightest he will put you in danger. To the point you’re getting bored of hearing his same message every time you’ll go on a mission.

“If the situation getting worse and you are in unfavorable state, find me. I’ll take care the rest of it.”

Sometimes you want to protest. Due to a lot of experiences of working under him for many years, you should be able to handle the worst possible thing. But he always forbids you, questioning your own safety and it ended with a long lecture. If so, what can you do? You can only sit with your head down waiting for him to finish his scolding. But deep down inside you’re happy about it.

“I just did what my master told me to do.” You responded in bliss everytime he praises you.

His fingertips run trough the strands of your hair, stroking it in delicate manner. “Good girl.” While looking into your eyes proudly. His smile is intoxicating. That’s become a strong reason for you to do his errands perfectly.

“This is for your hard work.” He put a white fancy paper bag on your bed. Then giving you few last caress on top of your head before leaving. Your eyes trailing his presence till it disappear behind the door.

When you peeked at the contents, it was a bundle of money and a jewelry box with small note on it.

Throw away the old one, I know it shredded into pieces.

- M.

You laughed at the note. How could you throw it away, that was the first gift he gave to you. You already guessed that the second you open the box, it’s an exact same bracelet that wrapped around your wrist for years, struggled to keep intact after it wrecked on your last two missions. Well, he’s pretty sweet for a criminal.

⁠✧

Different days, different matters. Beside the other trivial works, his biggest main source is the casino. What made him furious was someone trying to sabotage it by smuggling illegal drugs in. He already had one or two suspect names and somehow believed they’re located in a red light district area. Now, you’re into a heat arguments with him, hating every nonsense ideas that spurt out of your pretty lips.

“No. Definitely not.” He crossed his arms, sure thing your words flamed his anger even more.

“It’s much easier for me to blend in there. You’ll get their information faster.” You talk quietly afraid of his wrath. He always lets you join him wherever he goes. Except for one place, the red light district. Either he left you at his place or he never told you that he would go there.

Frustration overwhelmed him, ended up taking off his black spectacle. “I hate to say this sweetie, but I’m a man and you’re a woman. I can’t let you go there.”

“But the sex worker..” You averted your gaze from him, hesitant to continue. “are mostly women, I thought that I can disguise as one of them.”

He immediately got up from the chair and walked towards you. His thumb and index finger grabbed your chin, turning your face to him, made you looking straight into his eyes. “Listen young lady, it’s not worth of the risk. I-” he shook his head then release the grip from your chin.

“I lost my mother there. She was brutally ganged by multiple crazy bastard.” You could see his jaw tightened, his stare were full of resentment. “I was only six that time. Then, father brought me here.”

Ah, somehow you’re familiar with the father figure he told you about. You believed there’s 8 of them who’s adopted by the father. As you remember, they named themselves KQ Fellaz. They’re quite famous cartel where you used to live before. Even though their existence is still questionable, but at that time people keep talking about them. You don’t even know if Mingi was part of it. In fact, you think he’s the father itself due to him has saved you before.

Now you understand, why he strictly banned you from going there. He didn’t budge at all after spilling over his bitter past. Couldn't stand the look on his face, you bring your warm hand to cupped his cheek, caressing it slowly hoping it’ll calm him down. When you’re about to hug him, there’s a knock on the door. Both of you turned to the source of the sound in reflex.

“Come in!” Mingi yelled.

A tall male figure entered the room. He looked friendly, his arms were wide open as if he was waiting for Mingi into his arms. Mingi’s eyes instantly lit up, then he returned the hug like an old friend who hasn't seen each other for a long time.

“Oh Yunho, I thought you wouldn’t come.” Mingi said as he let go.

“I’ll definitely come. But I couldn’t promise you exactly when.” He patted mingi’s back.

They’re lost in conversation, talking about those casino problems which this Yunho guy believed all the ruckus caused by the same prominent figure that interrupted his own works too. Meanwhile, you’re busy looking at him from the corner of the room where you’re sitting. He's the complete opposite of Mingi. His facial features are delicate, his skin is white as milk, his hair is short with dark brown colors and well styled. What equates them is only their clothing, they consistently wear black suits, although Yunho is much more formal, meanwhile Mingi looks a little bit casual just like how people dealing in this kind of works are supposed to be look like.

There’s no intimidating aura emits from him. Made you wonder, what works he’s in with those kind of look? An entertainer? Or public figure? Who knows, maybe he’s one of informants that your master is looking for.

You stopped your thoughts when his eyes met with yours. He gave you a soft smile, before turned back to Mingi.

“You’re into adopting too ?”

“She is..” Mingi took a quick glance at you, a thin smile formed his lips, “..my tool. You know, I’m not as good as father.” He always takes time to praise no one know whether those figure exist whenever he mentioned its name. Using his index and middle fingers, he gestured you to come over him.

You obediently approached Mingi, his arm automatically wrap around your waist as asserting your ownership to the person he’s talking to. If he did this, it means Yunho is one of his important business partners. But wait, they’re mentioned those same “father” before. So..

Yunho only chuckled at the sight of you two. Then immediately diverted it, “Tell me what else do you need?” he asked.

“I really need their exact location. Ya know there’s dealers activity around the red light district, but I’m still doubting whether it’s legit their quarters or their operation zone only.” Mingi reached for the lighter in his pocket to light the cigarette that placed between his lips. Smoked on it once or twice.

“I sent my men to check it last week, but fuck there’s no words back till now.” He continued while looking far away out of the window.

Yunho could sense the annoyance radiating through his words. “And? What’s your next move?”

He grinned while imagining how he would ravage those wretch. “Wiped clean their base of course. I don’t like any pests slink in my lovely fields.”

Knowing what to do, Yunho promised him that he’ll be back for few days to dig more information. Before leaving, he put his hand on Mingi’s shoulder, leaning closer to talk beside him in low tone. “Remember, don’t act rashly.” When Mingi turned to him, he only gave him a faint smile, “Oh and keep an eye on your surrounding bud.” Then, he patted Mingi’s shoulder for few times and walk away out of the room, leaving you two alone.

⁠✧

“.. Yes sir, please go this way. We can talk about it in my office.” The old man that known as the manager guided Mingi as soon as he set his foot at the casino entrance.

You look around, the situation is still the same as the normal days. Crowded by people who enjoy betting their own wealth, plus the sound of slot machines were rumbling in the background as you go deep inside. The casino has been around for almost a decade. Even though it’s still quite new, but its reputation is well known to be able to compete with others. And of course Mingi despise any slightest intervention for the continuity of his business. So, he intended to find out everything with his own eyes today.

“How about we talk about the matters here. I want to enjoy the casino atmosphere right now.” He declined the offer politely, giving a convincing reason with the only sole purpose which is to observe everything clearly.

The manager immediately snapped his fingers, called several waiters to prepare the VIP seats that located in the middle of the casino. Of course anything is done for your master as the respective owner of this place.

“Sir, would you like some ladies for the companion, before we start?” The same old man made an offer while inviting him to take a seat.

He gestured with his hand to reject it. “No need, I bring my own. Shall we start now?” He pulled you to sit on his lap as soon as he sat on the couch. You catch what he means right away, then you begin to put your hand behind his neck while the other one rest on his clothed chest, acting like one of his own ladies. But on the contrary, he didn’t have any girls around.

All of his past trauma was swallowing over him, every girl touches made him uncomfortable in some kind of a way. Disgusted by the fact how his mother’s life ended by several men, he’s afraid of the possibility to unleashed the sickening behavior as a man whenever any woman approached him. But after he met you, he’ll bring you along whether to meet the clients or some of the influential person on his work. Therefore, beside of doing your job as his underlings, the other purpose was to avoid some ladies that sent to accompany him in every meetings with them. And that cause you often mistaken as his woman by a lot of people he met.

Back to the casino right now, you directed your gaze all over the room, trying to catch if something strange might be happen. Sometimes, you took a glance at Mingi who’s still talking to those manager, trying to read his cautious expression to the surrounding. He’ll occasionally caress your thigh for a few times, only to keep your composure.

You flicked your eyes to the side, noticing the odd. Proceed to run your fingertips from his chest up to his neck and end up covering your lips from the side which is pressing against his right ear. Mingi hold the grunts that almost escape from the back of his throat as he feel your soft breath hitting on his skin, and he finally giving the attention you wanted.

“2 o’clock direction. I’ll check it right away.” You whispered into his ear.

His eyes aimed at the place you’re referring to, then slightly lean away from you. “My sweetie is bored huh? You wanna look around?” He brushed his palm on your back gently, still didn’t drop the act.

“Yes please, can I?” You cooed at him, giving your pampered look as convincing as possible.

“Of course, everything for you baby.” Then he pulled you closer, pressing his lips to yours for a few seconds before let you go.

You didn’t expect he will kiss you right away. Isn’t it too much for a mere acting? Wait, did he repay your previous actions? Mingi’s expression was hard to read, he only smirked at you as if “good luck” was the only two words that written on his face. However, you swift away towards the possible problems occurred, after showed them your sweetest smile for the last time.

Well, it didn’t go smoothly as you wanted. You pretend to be interested in the slot machines that lined up near you, under the pretext of approaching those suspicious figures stealthily. But it ended up they’re in the middle of the crowd where it’s difficult for you to reach. You tried to sneak in, squishing your body among a lot of people. To be honest, this wasn’t your main forte. Your part is to deal with the target directly as a decoy. And there’s no other option, it’s too crowded for any commotion to occur, so the only thing you can do is watching them closely.

They drew closer to each other, it seems like exchanging something under their coat. You accidentally stole glances with one of them, and somehow he looks quite familiar but there’s no other clue because half of his face is covered with hat. You still tried to get closer carefully, but alas it didn’t work. They’re gone, blending in with the crowd, wearing the same black coat with people around in the casino.

You turned your gaze to Mingi from the place you’re standing right now. Only realized that his eyes was fixed on you from the earlier you left. Slightly shook your head at him, you gave him signal that the target was gone. He rolled his eyes, immediately stopping his conversation with the manager before barging out of the casino furiously. You followed him behind, who’s cursing along the way towards his car.

Pulled the highest gear and stepped on the gas pedal, he’s driving in full speed. His eyes pierced straight towards the road as if he could tear it apart. There’s too many questions running inside of your head, but you’re afraid to ask. So you just sit quietly on the passenger seat beside him.

He pressed the bridge of his nose every now and then, hoping it’ll reduce the headache a little bit. But it didn’t work either way. He decided to break the silence after quite some time. “Haa.. I can’t trust those old man either.”

You dared yourself to give him a response, “why? You have known him for a long time though.”

“It just.. my own suspicion. Nothings deep.” He looked much calmer than before while still focused on driving his car. “That’s why I bring you instead of useless bunch of my men.”

Right, the casino manager must be recognize them here and there if Mingi wanted to check it in secret. But it still didn’t work, you lost those troublemaker too. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t do it properly.”

He clicked his tongue before bringing his fingers that belong to his right hand, running through some stands of your loose hair. “Relax, sometime it tend to happen.” You thought he would be mad, but actually he calmed you instead. To the point you could feel the cold sweat enveloped over your palm because you’re too afraid of him.

His phone is ringing, the incoming call notification were written on the head unit screen, it’s from one of his men. Informed him that they had found the target location. He swerved the steering wheel all at once, immediately drove to the location they’re referring to. Just like how he speculated before, he felt satisfied that it was right, those bastards base was in the red light district area.

Upon the arrival, he gave you a warning sign to not to get out of the car no matter what happen, before rushing out and being greeted by his several men. You saw him through the car window, the way his annoyed expression drawn on his face, but still kept the composure remain. It can be seen that he burn the cigarettes tip and taking a deep drag of it, just to calm himself down.

He pulled out his favorite handgun, racking the slide once to load in the bullet, then he gave the command to break into those place. His men spreading all over the main hall in swift motion, but strangely there’s not a single person was on guard there. Due to unexpected of this big place, Mingi ordered them to split up and told them to kill anyone they met.

On the other hand, you just sat quietly in the car, even though occasionally heard the gunshots noise one after another coming from the mansion which couldn't be muffled by how tight the car was. Oh to be the passenger princess, you’re hating how useless you are right now.

You startled by the sudden rang coming from Mingi’s phone, Yunho’s name was pop out on the screen. Hesitant whether you should answer or ignore it afraid of being too nosy. After you think clearly like how careless is your master to left out his important being here, you end up slide the green button to the right.

“Hello, where are you right now?” Yunho’s anxious voice heard across the phone.

You answered him carefully, “Uhm sir, it’s me. We’re in the red light district right now.”

“Wait, where’s Mingi?”

“He’s in the big white mansion,” you look around trying to describe how it’s look like. “..it’s located deep in the area, we turned left from the four junction of the main road, then-”

He cut off your explanation, “Shit, he’s lured in! All of it was a trap.” He sighed, “can you reach hi-” Good heaven, the call disconnected due to signal lost.

You shook the phone, hoping it’ll catch the signal back, but it didn’t work. As soon as you gathered your mind, you took the 'smith and wesson' out of the glove compartment, slipping in between the thigh band under your little black dress. Getting out of the car, you entered the white mansion in instant.

It's weirdly too calm on the first floor. Feeling like lost the sense of direction, you just followed your gut. Running to the left wing of mansion, checking on every single room, you only wished to find Mingi as soon as possible. On every step you wondered, Why did the gunshots noise stopped? It makes you difficult to track the source of the fight.

Shit thing’s happen, you just entered the wrong room when lost in your thought. There’s a man relaxed sitting on a big armchair while smoking his cigar. You really want to back off, but he already saw you first. You decided to play along rather than causing more complicated thing.

“Good grief, they sent a new bitch”

You came closer to his side while giving him a formality smile. Putting your hand to his shoulder and leaning over him, just keeping the act before you intended to attack him quickly. Alas, he gripped your wrist instead, after that twisting your arm and held it back. He’s grabbing the chunk of your hair then yanked your head to the side, “ I knew you’re not just an ordinary bitches”

You elbowed him in the face with other free hand and giving him a round kick in attempt to released yourself. You took a few steps back, pulled out your handgun then shooting him right on his leg. But if feels nothing to him, he proceed to kick your hand which holding the gun till it flew away. You dodged his every blows as best as you can. Cause it’s impossible to counter him with your only bare hands meanwhile he’s much bigger than you. In the end, he managed to grab your hair again. The pain spreading all over your head as if it almost ripping out your scalp.

You’re just about to give up, there’s no energy left in you. But the door slammed loudly, woke you up. There’s your master firing shots eagerly to this bastard. As soon as his dead body fall onto the floor, you run towards Mingi who’s covered in blood stain.

Your voice was shaking while wiping the blood out of his face, “you’re hurt.”

“It’s not mine.” Referring to those blood. He hold your hand gently, staring deep into your eyes, looking at how messed up you’re right now. “But you are the one who’s injured”

He crouched down to pick your gun and giving it back to you. “Who else using this gun type besides you.” After that, he smoothed your hair, running his finger through it. How could he’d be this gentle despite in the midst of chaos. It feels like the world is collided and there’s only you two left.

But those feels didn’t last long, both of you drawn to the sound of explosion coming from the deep within the mansion. You just aware that half of it was burned in fire when you looked outside. He took you to another side of mansion which he considered it safe. On your way there, many dead bodies laying around. You could identified one and two of them, only realizing it mostly coming from Mingi’s side.

“You didn’t lose right?” You asked him while still running hand in hand.

“What makes you think like that?” He turned towards you, “ I killed ‘em all on the other side.”

Before continuing his words, both of you were blocked by the groups of his men right in the middle of mansion grounds. When he was going to hand you over to them with the intention of taking you out safely, one of them firing the gun. The bullet grazed your upper right arms, made you fall onto your knees due to shock.

“Are you fucking out of your mind?!!” Mingi was furious at the sight, he bombard the remaining bullets he had to them without thinking, gunned them down one by one. However, he’s still out numbered. Whether he want it or not, he received multiple shots that pierced through his body. You almost gone crazy, seeing him so badly injured with your own eyes. It got to the point he couldn’t stand on his own feet anymore.

You stepped to the front, covering him in injured state while shooting them with your trembling left hand. Not too long, the strong wind hitting the ground while you’re still busying yourself in the gunfight, followed by the sound of helicopter blade getting closer. You squinted your eyes trying to see it clearly, then found a muscular man shooting his machine gun towards Mingi’s underlings, from inside of the helicopter.

“Step back! We’ll take over.” Yunho shouted, walking from your behind while pointing his gun at them.

Catching on the situation, you backed yourself out. Proceed to put Mingi’s arm around your shoulder then carried him to the safer place. You laid him down slowly, before starting to rip some part of your dress in attempt to stop his bleeding. Your tears fell right away in a moment he struggled to reach your cheek.

You hold his hand, “please don’t move too much, I tried my best to treat your wound okay?”

When you finished covered his wounds, his grip was weakened. You can’t think clearly at the moment, checking his heartbeat back and forth by pressing your ear on top of his chest. You tried to talk to him over and over, hoping he would stay conscious. Till there’s one time you couldn’t feel his breath anymore.

“No! please don’t leave me!” You cried out, crumbling apart, there’s no point to continue your life if he’s gone. Everything’s went silence as if there’s no gunfight going on in the background.

You decided to racked the slide of your gun, then pointing out under your chin. The tears keep running out of your eyes as you looked down to his body. You took a deep breath, then putting you finger to the trigger. Chanting his name in the whisper. After that, you didn’t felt anything as you went black out.

⁠✧

More than a week passed since that day, you’re sitting in front of his room with your bandaged arm. Luckily you’re immediately fainted right before pulling the trigger. If not, you wouldn’t know if Mingi is still alive until now. He woke up a few days ago after he went into short coma. His three brothers took turns looking after him, you don’t know the rest of their name but surely Yunho is one of them.

To be honest, you really wanted to scold him the second he woke up, but Yunho already done that, so you don’t need to.

“He’s looking for you.” Yunho said that to you before he left.

You knocked on the door, then stepping into Mingi’s room. He smiled at you as soon as you come closer towards his bed. Right now, he’s leaning against the headboard with his naked torso covered in the bandage, he looks much better than the last time you saw him. You sure have known for a long time how fit his body is. But not today, you felt something strange when you looked at his toned chest as if you want to run your fingertips through it.

“What’s wrong?” His voice interrupted your thoughts.

You shook your head in instant, “nothing.”

“C’mere.” He pulled you to sit next to him. Then brushing his hair back before he put his forehead into the nape of your neck. “Is it weird if I miss you this bad?”

You chuckled, starting to caress his hair gently. “No, you’re not. I feel the same way.”

“You do?” he’s still in the same position, mumbled his words.

“Yes I do, sir.”

He grunted while looking up at you. “Don’t call me sir.” His lips pressing against your ear, “call my name instead, okay sweetie?” He’s started to nibble your earlobe, flicking it using his tongue then tugging it between his teeth.

Biting your lower lips, you tried to hold the sensation of him sucking on your skin. You put your hand on his chest, which had been itching to touch it since your first step into his room. Teasing him a little bit more by trailing on every curved of his chest to his abdominal muscle with your second fingers. He groaned, while he’s still kissing on the side of your neck.

He talked between the kisses, “you know what, actually I want to devour you back in the casino.” He bite on your neck, “the way your plumped ass pressed on my cock.” He bite you again, “the way your delicate fingers touched my skin.” He bite you for the third time before whispering into your ear, “and of course, the way your lips slammed with mine.”

You turned to him, circling your hands to the back of his neck. Staring deep into his eyes, mouthing “I love you” then began to devour his lips passionately. He gave the same energy by parting your lips with his tongue, trying to collide it with yours. You moan between the kisses as he grope your butt to pick you onto his lap.

But really, this isn’t the stamina of someone who just woken up from a coma while still being injured here and there. You grinded on his clothed cock, feeling it growing hard on every stroke you made.

He parted out from the kiss only to see the aroused face of yours. The way your half lidded eye staring on him and how red is your flushed cheek, making him groan on the sight of it. He brought his hand to pull your skirt up, starting to teased your wet clothed clit using his thumb that moving in circle. You throw your head back while moaning out his name.

His other hand slightly choking on your throat while you still dry humping his cock erratically, all of it brought you to the cloud nine as you came in your panties, drenched it out to the core.

“Ah Mingi, stop!” You couldn’t resist your body to spasm after pinching your clit hard, he didn’t give you break to riding down your first orgasm. He’s satisfied at how messy you are right now, then giving you a quick kiss on your lips as a reward.

Didn’t want to lose, you started trailing kisses on his chest down to his stomach. And stopped right in front of his bulge, unbuttoning his pants, then letting it out sprung free. His cock is swollen hard and throbbing at every single touch you made. You looked up at him, feeling proud of yourself as he can’t do anything and only anticipating what will you do next.

You licked the tip of his hard member, twisting it between your tongue to the left and right, before sucking on it hard. Your hand started stroking the remaining length up and down, while you’re bobbing your head to bring it deeper touching to the back of your throat. He couldn’t help but groan loudly, while he grab your hair as it guide you to move faster. “I- I’m so close baby.” You could feel his cock is pulsing, then he shoot his load into your mouth.

Sticking out your tongue, you showed him that you took all of his cum then you swallowed it all the way. “Baby, ride my cock right away.” He cooed. You yanked your panties, and started to slide his cock slowly into your tight pussy. It’s unexpectedly big, that it's bulging out your lower belly everytime it hitting on your womb. At first you grinding it slowly, made him throwing his head back to the headboard. But after quite some time, he dig his fingers on your waist, thrusting his cock deeper and faster. You only cried out incoherent moan as he thrusting it frantically. Pain and pleasure becoming one, he gave one last hard thrust, before filled his cum into your pussy. You squirm and spasm as you feel his hot seed keep spurting in your womb.

He groaned, “that was so good.” Then tucked your hair behind your ear. While still sitting on his lap, you put your head on his shoulder trying to catch your breath.

“Baby..” he called you softly.

You still felt tired, didn’t budge at all in his arms. “Hmm?”

“I think my stitches are open.”

You immediately sat down to his side before seeing the blood seeping through his lower bandage. You shook your head. Ah, it looks like both of you have to be patient for quite some time, until Mingi recover completely.

⁠✧

Milan, 3 Years later.

“Mingi stop!” You pushed him while giggling at how ticklish he’s kissing you. He’s on top of you right now, planting kisses all over you neck, and leaving some mark on it.

You covered his mouth, this is your second attempt to stop him from attacking you. “Come on, there’s our babies around.” You sulking at him.

He back off easily every time you mention the kids. “Alright alright.” Then, he took a seat beside you obediently.

Mingi and you got a pair of twins right away after the marriage, now they’re almost two years old. Walking around the living room and playing with their toys.

Mingi decided to move out to the complete opposite of different continents after he recovered from the injuries. Leaving out the dangerous work and starting a new life with you instead. Sometimes he miss the old times. Just like right now, he’ll teasing you whenever remembered the piece memories of it.

“I can’t get it out of my mind the way you looked at me in those mansion.” He chuckled.

“What am I supposed to do? You’re dying, it’s not even funny.” You’re even more annoyed at him.

“It just, you don’t need to stain your hand by shooting those bastards to death.” He’s giving a serious looks on his face. “It was my biggest regret that I can’t protect you.”

You caress his cheek, “why? You’re doing your best and please stop blaming yourself.”

“It’s not like that, I want you to remain pure. So just let me bear all of your sin. I don’t want to drag you into the hell. An angel is supposed to be in heaven” He frowned, disappointed for all of the things that have been through.

You never know if he thinks about you like that, the sweet side of him never changed since the first time you met, he always save you no matter what happen.

You laughed, “I don’t want to stay in heaven by myself. Let me bring the heaven to you”

“Right, you always bring heaven to me though.” Shaking his head and starting to laugh too. He immediately stand up to approach the twins.

“Let’s wrap it up my prince and princess, it’s a nap time for you two.” He chase them around, which hating to take a nap.

You heard the doorbell rang, so you rushed to open the door.

“Oh Hello, Is Mr. Song at home?” A man who looks a little younger, looking for your husband.

“Wait a minute” You turned your back “Honey, there’s someone looking for you!” You’re going inside, taking his place to put your lovely twin babies to the bed.

Mingi walked towards the front door, fall silent for a moment, after looking at the figure who’s standing right in front of him. “Jongho?”

“Well, long time no see, brother.”

disclaimer : this works didn't instigate any psychological deviation so please seeking the professional when you feel unwell. All of it is purely fiction and for entertaintment purpose only.

[forest-meadow]

The Aftermath

Summary: Astarion walks in on you waiting for Shadowheart to come heal you after you've been attacked.

Pairing: Astarion x Tav

TW: mentions of being attacked, attempted rape, blood, injuries, swearing, anger

Word Count: 1.5K

You hadn’t meant to show him. In fact, you intended not to for as long as possible. You hadn’t even realized he had entered the room as you peeled off your blood soaked shirt, grimacing as some of the dried blood stuck and pulled at a few of your injuries. You had already called for Shadowheart for help with this as this was beyond your skill set and would likely take more than a simple healing potion. Deep cuts and purpling bruises darkened your skin. A particular movement had you gasping in pain. You were just thinking how lucky you were that no one else in your party was at the Elf Song just yet when you heard an animalistic growl behind you.

You dropped your shirt and spun on your heel, reaching for the knife at your back, then relaxed, “Oh. It’s just you.”

Astarion had seen you naked countless times, and this time you were only half naked. But his eyes were darkened just the same.

“Who did this to you?” he growled, and you realized his eyes weren’t darkened with hunger, but with pure, unbridled rage.

You felt unease creep up your spine at his anger. It was never an emotion you knew what to do with, either yours or others. Usually yours would be dealt with in the heat of battle, fueling your drive to destroy the enemy. Others, on the other hand, were much more volatile. Especially Astarion.

“Darling. I need to know who or what did this to you so I can go rip their throats out this instant,” Astarion said lowly.

You held your hands up to him, holding in a wince when your injuries smarted, but he still caught it and growled again. “Star, I’ll be alright. Shadowheart is already on her way-”

“Who?” was all he said, still waiting for an answer.

“It doesn’t matter-” you started

“Doesn’t matter?!” he shouted, “How can you say that when you're practically bleeding out on the floor?! It ‘doesn’t matter’?!”

“Because they’re dead! It was him or me and I certainly wasn’t going to let it be me!” you shouted over him, and then winced at how much the shouting moved you.

“What do you mean- ‘him or me’?” Astarion’s rage suddenly melted into concern as he realized the possibility that your injuries might be more than physical, “He didn’t try to- did he?”

“What else could he have been doing?” you muttered bitterly.

“Oh, dearest,” he breathed, “I’m so sorry. I should have been there.”

“There’s no way you could have been. I was out getting you a surprise. I made sure the others were distracting you so it was just me out and about and he took advantage of my being alone,” you explained.

He took a step towards you, then hesitated, “My darling, I-” he stopped, not knowing how to finish his own sentence, speechless for once in his life.

“Yeah. I know.”

The door to the room opened again as Shadowheart rushed in, “Gods! Are you alright, Y/N? What the hells happened?”

You chewed your lip nervously, “I was attacked.”

“As in, attacked? Or just attacked?” she asked.

You nodded your head slightly to the first one.

“Gods, okay. Let’s get you cleaned up. Astarion, you can either help or leave.” Shadowheart immediately took charge of the situation, “If you’re going to help, grab some clean towels and rags.”

Astarion stayed where he was, staring at you, clearly in shock.

“Astarion!” Shadowheart snapped.

He started and blinked at her, “What?”

“Either get clean towels and help or leave and get the drink you clearly need,” she ordered.

He looked to you.

“It’s alright if you need to go, love. I understand,” you said.

“What do you need?” he asked, still looking at you.

You pulled in a slow breath and finally looked him in the eyes again, “I need you here. Please.”

He nodded once, rolled up his sleeves, and set to work following Shadowheart’s instructions as she barked them out.

A knock came at the door and it cracked open, “Is it alright if we come in? We’re all a bit worried,” Karlach’s voice came through the crack in the door.

Shadowheart looked to you and you shook your head.

“Not just yet,” she called to the door, “We’ll come out when we’re done and ready.”

“Alright. You alright, soldier?”

“I’ll be fine, Karlach,” you tried to reassure the others, but knew it failed as soon as your voice cracked on the word “fine”.

You could sense the worry in your large friend grow, but the door clicked gently shut anyway.

Astarion was resolutely following Shadowheart’s every instruction, touching you as infrequently as possible. You understood his hesitance, but it still stung, and not in the same way your injuries did.

Shadowheart cleaned your wounds as best she could, apologizing under her breath when you would inhale sharply at a particularly nasty part, and set to work muttering a few healing spells after she was satisfied anything that wouldn’t be healed today wouldn’t get infected. When she was done, she stood up and grabbed the towels and rags, dumping them in a corner and going to wash the blood off her hands in the basin nearby.

“Do you need anything else?” She asked, “I can stay with you as long as you need me to.”

You looked over at Astarion. He was trying his best not to look like someone had kicked Scratch in the ribs right in front of him, you could tell, but failing miserably.

“I think we’ll be okay. Might be a little longer before we come down and join you, though,” you said.

She nodded, “Understood. If you need anything-”

“You’ll be second to know,” you agreed with a small nod towards Astarion.

She gave a slight smile, a curt nod, and took her leave.

Before the door even latched, you threw yourself at Astarion, wrapping yourself around him the way a small frightened child would their parent, and clutched at him for dear life.

“Precious, you’re shaking,” he said softly, gently but firmly wrapping his arms around you in return.

You were grateful for the sturdiness of your lover in that moment.

“What do you need, my love?” he asked in that same soft tone.

You let out a choked sob and crumpled into him, your legs losing their strength.

“Oh, darling,” he carefully picked you up and carried you to the bed the two of you shared. 

He sat on the mattress with his back against the wall and let you situate yourself in his lap as he gently ran his fingers through the tangled mess that was your hair.

“I’m here,” he reassured you, “I’m right here.”

All you could do was weep in his arms, the reality of what had happened to you hitting you all at once, like a charging owl bear. Astarion held you until you had cried yourself out, rocking you gently back and forth. It was so soothing. When all you had left were hiccups and sniffles, he pulled away a little to get a look at your face. He gently reached up and wiped away what remained of your tears and leaned down to press a firm kiss to your forehead.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, pet. But I am ready to listen when you are ready to talk,” he promised.

You nodded meekly and moved off his lap, “I need to change clothes.”

“Of course. Would you like me to turn towards the wall?” he asked.

You found yourself surprised by him once again. Since dealing with Cazador, it was like he felt he was allowed to be kind again. You weren’t complaining, but it was certainly different.

“Would you mind?” you asked.

“Not at all, darling,” he promptly turned to face the rather boring wall.

With Astarion’s back toward you, you felt yourself relax minutely. You searched for a clean shirt and pulled it over your head before removing your blood soaked trousers and replacing them with clean ones. You then walked to the vanity and worked out the tangles Astarion had missed with his finger combing and splashed some water on your face to get rid of the tear stains. Feeling presentable once more and a little more like yourself, you turned back to face him, only to find him dutifully staring at the wall.

“You can turn around now,” you said softly.

“Are you dressed?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m dressed.”

Astarion glanced over his shoulder at you, as if confirming to himself that you were, indeed, decent before he turned around and leaned back against the wall once more, “Do you want to talk about it?”

You shrugged as you move to sit beside him, leaving a small space between the two of you, but laying your hand in the space with your palm upwards, inviting him to take it in his own, “Pretty much told you all there is to know.”

“I see. Would you like to join the others down stairs? Or I could go and fetch them?” he asked.

You considered it a moment, then answered, “Could we just sit here for a little while? I’d like to enjoy the quiet a moment.”

“Of course, my love.”