#validate me I never write poetry ;_;

[soupbtch]

ummm. my fic is done.

[s-ccaam-era-crepe]

when the experiences shaped your future or smth ?

[klaineownsmysoul]

Sometimes I like to sit and think about how much Arthur Fox would have loved Alex. Loved his charm and his effervescence, his intelligence and his sense of humor. Mostly though, I think he would have loved how fiercely and passionately he loves his son. How he loves and wants the man Henry is and not the prince he was born as - the poetry loving, Austen quoting, witty and thoughtful letter writing man. He'd love the way Alex wants to love Henry out loud. How he isn't ashamed to want to hold his hand in public. He'd love the way he looks at Henry - like his whole world has narrowed down to one person - and how much he hates being separated from him.

He'd love the way Alex gets Henry's snarky sense of humor (and is ok being on the receiving end of said humor) and know that it's a sign of Henry feeling comfortable enough with Alex to let his walls down and let him in. He'd love that Henry has never been or will ever be a notch on his bedpost, NDA or no. He'd love the way Alex fights for him and them and so desperately wants Henry to realize that he's worth it and that his feelings and desires are valid and not something to be pushed down and aside. That he matters. He'd love the way Alex isn't afraid to tell the entire world that he's in love with Henry and that loving him has made his life better. The way that all Alex has to hear is Henry telling him he's not ok and he's dropping anything and everything to fly across an ocean to comfort him and remind him that he is loved and not alone.

He'd love the way Alex has no qualms about standing up to anyone - including the actual King of England - to defend Henry. I have a feeling he'd be tempted to throw hands to anyone who even deigns to look at Henry in a way he dislikes.

He'd love the way Alex's naturally outgoing and extroverted personality deflects and absorbs the spotlight that Henry doesn't want or feel comfortable in - much in the way that his friendship with Pez works.

Conversely, he'd love the way that Henry takes care of Alex. The way he keeps him watered and fed and not subsisting solely on coffee and a reheated piece of pizza every other day or so. How he calms the noise in his head but never makes him feel like he's too much. How he loves the fire and passion that Alex does everything with and always wants to hear what he's thinking. He'd love how perfectly suited they are to each other and he'd be so happy that his sweet Henry has found someone who knows exactly how special he is and loves him for just that reason.

Yeah...so this might have gotten away from me a little bit. I probably should have started with "in this essay I will..." because I am incapable of summing up my feelings in any kind of short and condensed way. I love these characters, this movie, the book, and all the extraordinary fanfic written about them. I'd warn you off me if they ever announce a sequel, but I'm pretty certain my behavior will be no different from the last 5 months.

[bratzforchris]

Hi! I hope this isn't too weird, but I was wondering if you could write a fic where Matt is autistic? I see myself a lot in him and the podcast episode where they kept calling him "Miserable Matt" made me think about myself a lot. So maybe a fluffy hurt/comfort fic where he just gets tired of it because it's something he can't help and reader helps him through it with his special interests? It's okay if not! Thank you 💞

My Person, M. Sturniolo

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*

Summary: In which the best cure for everything is cuddles and special interests<3

Pairing: Matt x gender neutral reader

Warnings: Mentions of autistic meltdown, going nonverbal, Nick and Chris lowkey suck here 😭

Word Count: 1.4k

A/N: Thank you for the request! Please remember that my writing is fictional--I am not saying or assuming that Matt is autistic and I definitely don't think Nick and Chris would act this way in real life. It's just a story :) Now, please enjoy 💚

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*

“Miserable Matt” this and “Miserable Matt” that. It was almost sickening the way he was constantly the target of Nick and Chris’s jokes. Deep down, Matt knew his brothers didn’t really mean any harm, but that didn’t make his feelings any less hurt. He never purposely tried to be sad or depressing when they were filming, it was just kind of the way his natural personality was. 

Being autistic, his voice tended to have a flatter affect than most people’s. Even when he was filled with autistic joy, his voice rarely got louder or higher. Usually, his brothers were quite understanding of his disability, always standing up for Matt and making sure he was treated fairly, but then there were days like today, where they were filming an episode for Cut the Camera, and Nick and Chris just couldn’t stop the jokes from rolling off their tongues. 

“I dunno,” Matt said quietly, but with a smile, fidgeting with his hands. “I just like to be alone sometimes. It gives me the creative freedom that I don’t always get from other people, y’know?” 

“Oh here we go again,” Chris snorted. “Miserable Matt back at again with his depression poetry.”

“That’s not poetry.” Matt grumbled, trying to hide the hurt in his voice. 

The triplets were currently discussing where they got their video ideas from, and how they stayed motivated to make content, even when they didn’t feel like it. Of course Chris and Nick had ‘normal people’ answers, like going out with friends or going on vacation. But being autistic, Matt didn’t recharge that way. He preferred to be alone to gather his thoughts and reset his mind. So of course, that was made fun of. 

-`ღ´-

“So, what do you guys think about the edits people make of you?” Nick asked. “Love or hate them?”

“It depends,” Chris shrugged. “Some of them make me think ‘Damn, I’m fine’, but others are kinda…weird. No offense, guys!” he threw his hands up quickly, smiling at the camera. 

“I like them. I think it’s sweet that someone takes time out of their day to edit me.” Matt smiled. 

“Yeah,” Nick groaned. “Cause yours are all sad and depressing and ‘poor baby Matt’ while a song from folklore plays in the background.”

“That is so not true.” Matt protested. 

“‘Poor Matt and his autism’ while some sad song plays in the background. You like it because it validates you.” Chris chuckled. 

“That’s not true!” Matt was starting to get teary eyed, but he couldn’t help it; he was sensitive. “Some of them are nice.”

“Miserable Matt’s gotta watch sad edits of himself to fulfill his aesthetic.” Nick laughed. 

All was silent for a moment, until Matt finally spoke, looking at his brothers with watery eyes. “Why are you guys so mean to me?”

“Matt, come on. We’re joking.” Chris rolled his eyes. 

“But it’s not a joke,” Matt whispered, avoiding their eyes. “You guys use me as the butt of the joke all the time. ‘Matt’s too quiet’, ‘Miserable Matt’, ‘Matt and his anxiety’. It’s annoying, okay?”

“It’s just a joke, Matt,” Nick tried to explain calmly. “We don’t mean any harm.”

“Do you? Because last time I checked, making fun of someone’s disability or mental health problems is harm.” 

“Don’t be like that, bro.” Chris tried to put a comforting, ‘olive branch’ hand on Matt’s shoulder. 

“No,” Matt stood up, throwing his headphones off. “I’m done. Finish recording without me.”

The boy quickly exited the room, leaving a stunned Nick and Chris in his wake. Matt didn’t usually lose his cool like that when he knew the camera was rolling, but he hadn’t been sleeping well lately and the last thing he wanted was a recording of him bordering on a meltdown. Even if it could be edited out, he really didn’t want that immortalized forever. They were embarrassing enough as it was. 

Matt retreated to his room, anxiously playing with the tangle that he kept in the pocket of his hoodie for when he needed a fidget toy. The calm, woodsy aesthetic of his bedroom relaxed him somewhat as he stepped inside his safe haven. It wasn’t enough, though. He needed someone who got it, who knew it was like to feel different. And so, he pulled out his phone, quickly texting you.

Matt: babe, can we go to the park?

You looked up from your book when Matt’s text came through. As an autistic couple, you had set up a ‘code word’ for when either one of you felt like they were on the verge of having an autistic meltdown, and that was Matt’s. You quickly gathered your things, speeding over to the triplets house as Matt sent you a flurry of texts, somewhat describing what had happened.

When you let yourself in with the key they had given you, Nick and Chris looked up, surprised by your entrance. “Where’s Matt?” You asked. 

“In his room.” Chris mumbled, not looking up from his phone. 

You didn’t have the energy, nor were you in the mood to deal with the boys right now, so you quickly pushed past them, hurrying up the stairs. “Can I come in, sweetie?” You asked when you reached Matt’s door, knocking softly. 

You were quite worried about the silence until your phone pinged with a text of mhm from Matt. You realized that meant that he was probably nonverbal at the moment, and you hastily let yourself into the dark room. Matt had drawn the curtains, turning on one small lamp with a soft, orange glow. Your boyfriend was huddled up under his weighted blanket, headphones on and softly stroking Mr. Wrinkleton’s fur. You let out a breath when you noticed that he seemed much more relaxed than when he had first texted you, but that didn’t stop you from missing the tear tracks on his cheeks. 

“Hi sweet boy.” You spelled into his palm as you softly set down on the bed beside him. 

Matt grabbed his communication cards off the nightstand, riffling through them for a moment, before he showed you the one that said ‘Can I have a hug?’. Without another word, you pulled your boyfriend into a deep pressure hug, knowing they were his favorites. They made his body feel perfectly aligned and usually helped calm him after a meltdown. After a moment, Matt pulled out of your grip, slipping his headphones off. 

“We don’t have to talk about it, hun. We’ll work it out with Nick and Chris later, okay? You just relax, baby,” You said gently. “Are you hungry, hun?”

Matt shook his head, grabbing your palm and spelling out ‘I just want you’ in your palm since he didn’t have a card for that. You smiled, placing a kiss on his cheek. This was one of your favorite parts about being a neurodivergent couple. You just got each other in a way that other people didn’t. You could sit in companionable silence and never feel awkward or bored. In your embrace of him, you noticed that Matt had slid a card towards you that read ‘Can we watch nature videos?’. 

One of Matt’s special interests and overall favorite things, was nature, but especially the forest and woodland animals. He could watch the soothing videos of the forest in its natural state for hours and not get bored, which had led you two to make a special card just for that when you were making his communication cards together. Your boy smiled as you stood up, grabbing the remote for his TV, before flicking it to one of Matt’s favorite, ten-hour-long videos of the forest and its animals on YouTube. 

“I love you, babe.” You told him as you both got comfortable under his large weighted blanket. 

‘I love you!!!!!’ Matt explained, showing you a card. 

The extra exclamation points had been at his insistence. He insisted that he loved you more than anyone else and needed you to know that. You couldn’t lie when you said that that had made you smile. You were each other’s first significant other, and Matt made you feel so completely special. Even now, as you laid here together, not speaking but cuddling as you watched videos of chipmunks and deer, you knew that Matt was your person. 

tags ♡: @aemrsy @jake-and-johnnies-slut @oobleoob @mattsfavwh3re @melguilbert @idek3000hi @faygo-frog @mayhem-72

note ♡: if you'd like to be added to my taglist, click here <3

[six-white-venus]

the mundanity of my grief disgusts me.

i go to class late every day and no one knows i'm rotting inside. the sun burns my skin and all i do is sigh because i forgot to bring money for a cab. a scream is forever stuck in my throat; stuck and never let out because that would be considered a public nuisance. my mom asks me what i want and what i want is a break but what I tell her is "anything but dosa" because that's the answer she wants to hear. your emotions are valid but they must be kept under tight wraps from 9am-5pm, 'cause it's important you stay sane during work hours. i sit cross-legged in my ratty sweatpants and write poetry and the hypocrisy of it sickens me to no end because ultimately i don't care as much as i should about the things i write. no, all i can think of is that i need to stop and start studying plant physiology. you can write odes and ballads about decay and call autumn the season of fallen angels but you still won't spare a glance at the pile of dried leaves on the side of the road because you can't be late to work.

you're sad but it's not hip or cool or pretty or even significant. i keep looking at the clock when i break down because I can't waste more than 30 minutes on this, that's plenty of time to wrap up all my drama and prepare for tomorrow's paper presentation. no one gives a fuck about your day but they should. it should be on the goddamn news, broadcasted on every channel because it's your day. a whole day. a day of your life, your world, your everything. no one cares but they should. but does it really matter, being on the news? no one watches the news anyway. oh look, you're out of groceries. you miss your mom's cooking. you seem to have a permanent headache these days and think of calling your uncle because he's a doctor. was. was a doctor. he's dead now. right. you're still out of groceries. wake, sleep, rinse, repeat.

the mundanity of my grief disgusts me. can someone burn down this world? i'd do it myself, but i have an exam this thursday.

[gayfandomnerd225]

I think fanfiction has a bad rep. I also think fanfiction deserves to be recognized more as an art and a form of self expression. I started writing fanfiction when I was 11 years old, and it helped. It helped me deal with things and understand myself better. I stopped posting fanfiction for a while after that, but I still wrote it.

I’m now 18, I’ve been writing fanfiction for 7 years. And recently I’ve started posting things again (ao3 is GayFandomNerd). And it’s been amazing. Because of writing fanfiction I got the courage to write books, and poetry, and screenplays. And maybe they’ll never see the light of day. But I still wrote them. I still felt all those feelings and wrote them out and felt things.

Fanfiction is such a valid way to express yourself and your interests (as long as they don’t cross content creators boundaries, if it’s about real people) and I feel people shouldn’t look down on it. I’d never admit to my irl friends that I write fanfiction. Because of how it’s often viewed. And I feel like I shouldn’t be ashamed of it. Because it’s helped me. It’s helped me with my feelings and my issues and my concerns. And it’s helped me express myself through characters and content creators I found comfort in when I didn’t know how to express myself through me.

Fanfiction is so much more than just crazed teenage girls. It’s feelings. And emotions. And living. And it deserves to be treated as the amazing art that it is

[luthienne]

what do you do for a living? (/job?) I am currently in a crisis and need some guidance. I look up to you a lot, I love your blog, we have the same passions for poetry and writing and music, even daredevil! My crisis is that I dont know what to do. In university I take classes but I dont know what I want to be. My art and writing feel pointless sometimes. All the jobs i want to do I know im not skilled enough to achieve or itd be very hard to get by. If you dont mind giving out advice... please help! ❤

hi anon <3 i think that figuring out what we're supposed to do for a living often gets tied to the idea that we're supposed to find that one niche in the world where we fit, where we're meant to be and where we're meant to contribute; where we're meant to shine, and find deep meaning in our own lives. and maybe that does happen for some people. but in reality i think we're all capable of doing many different things, and finding purpose in many different things. and in working toward many different skillsets we acquire different skillsets that apply to many other types of work.

and i don't think anything is ever set in stone. i got my undergrad & grad degrees in music, and then i found that i didn't have it in me to be a part of that world anymore. and i felt that i had no meaning in my life without it. i was No One without music, i had no identity outside of my voice—despite the deep sense of purpose and fate, even, that i felt for my life up until that moment in music, in singing, in acting. up until that moment i knew in my bones my purpose in life. and then the ground was swept out from under me. it didn't matter that i had known with certainty what my life was supposed to be because it wasn't that any longer. and i realized that i could never again tie my identity to my art, to my music, to my writing, to my job. my voice has a purpose not because it must be enough to sustain me financially or because enough people have validated my talent but because it brings me joy. i came back to music because singing brought me joy again; i thought i would never feel that again.

something i have learned through this is 1) music, like most other art forms, is not a meritocracy; there is no such thing as "you are an excellent [artist/singer/writer] and therefore you will have the career owed to you" because so much more than merit and hard work go into careers like this. it takes not only talent and work ethic but circumstance and luck and wealth. lessons cost money, coachings costs money, auditions cost money, applications cost money, travel costs money, wardrobe costs money. 2) the process is not the career. i love to practice, i love to learn music, i love to get into character, and to engage with my colleagues in rehearsal rooms and onstage. i don't love the abuse thrown at singers from directors and teachers and coaches, i don't love auditions, i don’t love the unpredictability of gig work and contract work, i don't love the expendable lens through which singers are viewed by the industry. i've come back to music but my goals have shifted.

all that to say, i don't think we have to know what we want to be. we don't have to want to be anything. our lives have deep meaning whether we have "successful" careers or careers that just pay the bills while we continue to pursue our creative loves. i wouldn't place too much importance on needing to find what you are supposed to be because you will become who you are supposed to be regardless. it is never a waste to pursue something we love, and we will acquire and internalize new skills in any field that we can apply to other fields. and maybe your interests will dramatically shift, or maybe not. i think it's very natural to have vocational shifts throughout our lives, and it's not indicative of failure. art that is made personally or professionally doesn't have more or less value based on its financial profit. the money i make from singing isn't enough to sustain me—i have to do other self-employment gigs to make up the difference. most artists do. but i don't regret the time and the heart i have invested in music, and i am sustained through the work i put into it, and sustained by the relationships and friendships that i have developed through it.

i send you my whole heart. i know how it feels to look at the future and not know what you're supposed to do with your one, precious life. sometimes we have to live in the uncertainty and know that it won't be like that forever. on the flip side, the moments of certainty won't last forever either. and in-between there is all the living we do. i promise you're not alone in this <3

[katebeckets]

the tortured poets department

i have thoughts!! surprising, right?? this is for anyone who cares to read them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Before you read, note that this is going to be critical of things, so let me just start by saying I have loved and listened to Taylor since I was 8, so none of it is said lightly or without careful thought (in fact, this took me absurdly long to write). Most of the issues I have are very near to my heart, actually, so I've spent a lot of time thinking about it. If you don't want to read criticism, then just don't read more. DISCLAIMER that I did my best, but not even this fully captures the nuance I feel able my own opinions lol I recognize the other sides and points, I really do. I hold many conflicting opinions.

The short version is I will always love her music and her voice and she is capable of writing absolutely gorgeous lyrics (dare I say poetry?). I don't tend to think too much about the sound of it because if I like the sound, it's all I really care about—maybe it sounds the same as other stuff, but if I like that other stuff, I don't really care about whether she branches out or not. I think it's great and interesting when she (or anyone) does, but I also don't like change so it doesn't matter to me the way I know it matters to some people. That's just me!

What gets more complicated for me is the narrative, themes, and general trends that have been more prominent the last year or so, and that's what the rest of my thoughts are. It's me enjoying the music while also being acutely aware of all the grief tangled up in it because of how much less connected I feel in many ways.

Side note: this got soooo much longer than even I expected and it still just scratches the surface! so if you decide to read, 1. thank you, and 2. I'd love to keep talking to you. 🤍

———————————————————— 💭

I am an overthinker (shocking!) and will for sure be annoyed that I can't think of each and every thing I think about this album, but this is what comes to mind right now. Some things that have stood out to me more and more with each release:

a tendency to write self-aware lyrics that, in trying to be self-aware, betray somewhat of a lack of self-awareness

a frustration with never growing up that she expresses while also not realizing the way she is complicit in that and her own refusal to grow up

considering herself the victim, particularly after "overcoming" the accusations that she always plays the victim

venturing more boldly into the territory of serious mental illness/suicidal ideation/mental health treatment despite demonstrating a fair amount of ignorance regarding those things in the past

fame going to her head (in the sense of her becoming further and further out of touch) and the entitlement in a lot of the more immature attitudes that come across in these songs

self-awareness: for me, the first example that comes to mind is Anti-Hero: "it's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me." It's a claim at self-awareness because she's poking fun at the fact that she knows people always say "maybe she's the problem." The reason why it feels to me like it exposes a lack of self-awareness is because she explores it mostly as a criticism to overcome and not a valid point of self-reflection. @jakeperalta's tags on her post explain it better than I do. Yes, there's an issue when you reduce every feeling to "well maybe she's the problem," but part of growth is admitting that maybe you are part of the problem and coming to terms with the fact that there is often some inevitable truth to that statement—and being willing to work on it. This example is from Midnights, but I think it ties into the next point.

immaturity/never growing up: I actually think these first two sections are just two parts of one section, but it's easier to read this way anyway. There are lots of references to not growing up on this album, the first that come to mind being "So High School" and "teenage petulance." Maybe it's just me, but as a 34-year-old woman, I wouldn't want to be feeling "so high school." I mean, as a 25-year-old, when I talk about feeling like my high school self, it's usually because I'm recognizing how limited my judgment and self-awareness was in high school (despite all the therapy and my efforts to be self-aware in high school). And I am aware of my own bias here—I absolutely hate the football game days because I didn't even like watching people act like that in high school, but at least they were high schoolers—but I do think part of what we've seen is Travis allowing her to be more immature and take less responsibility because that's also where he is at. Obviously I don’t speak to it with any authority since I don't know what happened in the relationship, but based on her behaviors and what I know about Joe (which is VERY little), I kind of get the feeling that part of what she didn't like about being with Joe is that he pushed her to grow. "Your integrity makes me seem small," etc. etc., but not in an “I want to grow” way, but not liking that feeling because she shouldn't have to feel small just because she wants to be able to only do what makes her happy. Just looking at the difference in her behavior and the fact that it seems like she's stopped trying to learn (Miss Americana-ish), it seems like she very much resents the responsibility that comes with being such a famous person and mainly considers herself a victim of her fame.

victimhood: to an extent, yes, she is a victim of her fame. No one should have that much fame and power, and of course she didn't sign up for it in this way. But wanting to have the kind of influence and reach that most artists desire is intertwined with fame. There isn't a way to separate it (in an ideal world, maybe, but that isn't what we're dealing with) and it's something that, to some degree, artists do sign up for. And I think she resents that she's expected to take any sort of responsibility for anything that she doesn't want to do, in a very, "but that's not fair!," teenage petulance kind of way. She even says in Sweet Nothing that "I'm just too soft for all of it." We're all too soft for all of it, but that doesn't mean we get to ignore it. It bothers me that she doesn't seem to feel any sort of responsibility to use this giant platform to do better. Everyone is aware of her influence, including her. I think that's part of the grief. No, it is not her job to use her platform for good, but I thought that it was something she valued and something she wanted. The other line that really stuck out to me was from Cassandra: "They say what doesn't kill you makes you aware, what happens if it becomes who you are?" You may be a victim of what doesn't kill you, but if it becomes who you are, that's not their fault. It reminds me a bit of the exhaustion of living with mental illness. For me in particular, it affects my relationships in a very fundamental way, and there are days that I sob because I am exhausted of things that are so normal being so, so difficult for me... but even though I didn't ask for it and it's not fair that this happened to me, it's still my responsibility to understand how my issues affect how I show up in relationships. It's still my problem, even though it isn't my fault that it's my problem. And if you're lucky, you find really beautiful people who are willing to help you and see that it's not their responsibility, but they want to make it easier for you—I recognize how lucky I am to have some people like that, but it never makes it anyone else's problem. If they decide one day it's not their problem, the truth is that it isn't (and then there's a more complex conversation about what you want to do to preserve a relationship). This is also very connected to something about Kate Beckett/why I identify with that character, and I can touch on that if anyone wants to know, but I don't really have cohesive thoughts about that prepared (it makes more sense if you already know the character). This also goes to other things, like her being upset that people always focus on who songs are about while ignoring the part she played in feeding that culture (like with secret messages).

mental health: this goes to a bigger discussion of how we turn to celebrities who are HIGHLY unqualified to have opinions on things for guidance (the nuance of the above discussion about using your platform), but the more she ventures into the discussion of mental illness, the more upset I get by some remarks she has made in the past. And yes, people grow, she may not feel this way anymore, but nothing in her behavior gives me any reason to believe that she doesn't still have this attitude. This is one that I know I have to be careful of because of how personal it is for me (I've been placed on a 5150 "danger to self" hold and I am a therapist), but one interview that has always made me so upset is that one where she talks about how she's never been to therapy, then ends it by saying "I feel like we just had a therapy session." She has said multiple times how she has never wanted to go to therapy when she has her mom, who already knows everything about her. And that is highly irritating to me because 1. that's why she's your MOM, not your THERAPIST, and 2. there's already so much stigma and apprehension around therapy and many people feel this way, so to have someone like Taylor Swift validate all the people who say "I'd rather talk to someone who already knows me" or "so and so is my therapist" is unbelievably frustrating. There's a reason it's unethical to treat people you know—that isn't therapy. And I think I wouldn't be so bothered by it if she didn't speak about it with such authority, like she knows what she's talking about when what she's saying shows that she doesn't (edit: this is specifically in regard to therapy, not mental illness. I am highly aware that anyone can be mentally ill). The other thing about this album is that it does seem to be an album about loving people with mental illness, and I've already seen a lot of interpretations that simply feed the narrative that people with mental illness are unlovable and mental illness is the reason people mistreat you (particularly the discussion about her lovers being blue all the time). And the issue with that is it's already a common misconception among people with mental illness, that their mental illness is an excuse or reason why they don't treat people right. It's disrespectful to the people who recognize that they have a mental illness that affects how they interact with others and choose to try to overcome it. I'm all for honest discussions about mental illness, but it's so disheartening when it happens on such a large scale and some of the loudest voices are people who don't know enough to know how to (at least try to) do no harm.

fame: I'm not really going to go into it because this has already turned out way longer than I meant for it to, but also because I feel like it's already been touched on. For me, it's the conversation about her feeling she should be able to just do what she wants. I think we all feel that way, but because of her fame and the fact that she's just about untouchable (as shown in how she came back from being cancelled), she can just tune everyone out. But one example was how uneasy I felt about this album being announced at the grammys. For one thing, it's not a fan-voted award, so even if it should, it doesn't feel the same. And regardless of your take on award shows, I do think it showed a level of insensitivity to the other artists who haven't won a bunch of grammys to decide that she would announce a new album at the grammys. Because even if she had a backup plan and said she didn't plan on it, the truth is that, to decide to have a backup plan, you did have to count on it happening, at least to an extent. You had to feel it was likely enough that you wanted to have a back up plan just in case, but it probably would go the way you wanted. To me, it just felt so... disrespectful. Because for many other artists, it doesn't happen more than once. (not to mention the many other things happening that got completely overshadowed, like Annie Lennox calling for a ceasefire)

So if you read all that... I don't even know what the point is at this point. These are just thoughts that, to me, don't feel right to simply ignore. I know there's an argument that you can enjoy music without enjoying where it came from, and it's true to an extent, but I also think part of the music is where it comes from. So... I don't know. Do with that what you will. And if you are reading this, I love you (I can't believe you're reading this).

[blushblushbear]

sorry..... me again...… you can choose to ignore this if you feel like it's too much

(not trying to guilt-trip you, please don't feel pressured

uh maybe... Nimh? Nimh is cute I like Nimh

if you don't feel like doing him, maybe Poe or Anon?

*blows the dust off this ask* oops this one's pretty old

I already did Nimh so Anon and Poe it is

Anon

Okay not to call the scott a drunk

but I'm about to call the scott a drunk

he's not too bad, but he is a little picky about what he will and will not drink

low key judges people for their choice of beers

side eyes people who order basically liquid candy as a drink (for a cocktail at least, he will rot his teeth on mountain dew don't get it twisted)

he mostly does pints but his fav mixed drink is a moscow mule

or a spiked energy beverage

speaking of drinks he always has a crazy amount of them

g-fuel, red bull, monster-- every energy drink type thing you've seen he's probably got

also drinks prime

also mountain dew

a lot of it

I joke about his teeth rotting but in all honesty he takes good care of them

that's the one gamer stereotype he does not fall in town

he's low key germophobic so his apartment and battle station are SPOTLESS

he defo has those touchland hand sanitizers cause he's a boujee bitch

speaking of boujee he's actually p well off

started trading stocks young and did crypto till it tanked

he doesn't like to talk about his crypto days (he was a hard crypto bro at it's peak)

usually his drunk rambles are about crypto

also conspiracy theories

also video games

his parents are decently well off too but he doesn't talk to them much

they don't have a bad relationship but it's definitely one of those 'you see the family only around the holidays' kind of deals

he has a lot of internet buds but I think deep down he's bad at making real connections and actually gets pretty lonely

likes watching animal videos, WOULD NOT get a pet

rarely has people over to his place, took him a while to fully mentally accept having you over

he was determined to get over it though cause he really wanted you around

would never shower with someone cause that just feels unsanitary-- the shower is for CLEANING

would maybe get a snake-- they're pretty clean

once went 3 days without sleeping

actually lost a lot of sleep to stardew valley when it first came out

his farm is AMAZING

loves to troll at video games but not in a run face first into the enemy team and ruin it for everyone kinda way

more a does a 360 no scope on you right when you think you're safe

you mad bro??? lol

sends lots of memes about liking his s/o cause he's really bad at saying how he feels

favorite director is Edgar Wright cause he's a man of taste and culture

regularly cleans and buffs his nails

has at least one to two drinks chilling in every room of the house

really wants to get an ear piercing

really vain about his looks even though he dresses like garbage

just tell him he's handsome, he's legit too proud to beg but he needs that validation

listens to a lot of underground bands and artists

also a lot of djs

owns 15 pairs of headphones

5 have animal ears

showers at least once a day unless he's in a gaming trance

once tried to write you poetry, felt like an idiot, removed all evidence of it's existence and would deny it fully if you ever found out

Poe

Probably not a surprise to anyone but he got bullied a lot in high school

Has been writing poetry since he was 10 and has notebooks full of poems and short stories from over his life

really wants to write some kind of vampire mystery series centered around a brooding poet vampire but also he's bad at writing mysteries

I've sad this before but he's in a book club with Nimh and Cashew

he keeps trying to get them to read romantic novels

Cashew was game until he realized Poe meant like Lord Byron romantic

Mary Shelley Romantic

thinks Mary Shelley losing her virginity on her mother's grave is the coolest thing ever and is high key jealous

Mary Shelley is honestly his hero

secretly got addicted to soap operas

he wants to stop so bad but he can't

he doesn't have a pet but if he did he'd be that dude you can totally tell has a pet cause he's always covered in fur

not that Poe would even care

Poe actually never much cared for birds and is still salty about becoming a magpie

owns so many Victorian/Edwardian style coats

and vests

he's just one color palette/slight aesthetic change away from just being steampunk

owns so many bits of jewelry, it mostly just floats around his living spaces and he chooses what he's wearing that day at random

all the people who headcanon Poe as trans, you're correct

constantly painting his nails and it's always chipping

his nail polish is actually pretty jank but he doesn't care so long as his nails are black

his living spaces are a mess

lots of papers, lots of random odds and ends, lots of clothes and book and forgotten mugs everywhere

does actually partake in the music aspect of the goth culture

most of his fav bands are ones you haven't heard of

he doesn't actually like horror much

at least not this modern jumpscare nonsense

he likes his horror dark, dramatic, and poetically gorey

Saw??? more like pa-shaw he can't stand those movies

the closest thing he gets to liking more mainstream horror franchises is Chucky

Tiffany Valentine is his favorite (*jennifer tilly voice* ~Jennifer Tilly~)

he can always get down with halloween, but only the first one

he can fuck with Tim Burton and Guillermo Del Toro though

crimson peak is his shit

also Jane Austen bitch?!

he loves him some Jane Austen

Emily Dickinson

Mary Shelley obvs

he low key hates to be basic but fucking

read Emily Dickinson's poetry and tell him you're not simping

he legit does simp for Shelley and Dickinson

legit loves the Kira Knightly Pride and Prejudice will all his heart

Sylvia Plath

He's trying so hard not to be basic but he loves Wednesday Addams

that line about her being allergic to colors--- he felt that

regularly listens to sounds of rain and fireplaces

ye I think I'll end it here lol XD

[crumblinggothicarchitecture]

While I agree with most of your posts

I think bringing up grammar in song writing is just kinda weird

Like as long as a song isn't as egregiously grammatically incorrect as 'I'll do what I should have did' (thank you deacon blue) it just isn't a relevant criticism?

Even the song writer you respect most probably doesn't write their songs like an essay they can lose marks for. And that's a good thing! Songs would be a lot worse if writers were worrying about these things

It's just such a bizarre thing to bring up- and unfortunately it kinda makes your other points look less valid because it comes across as weird and petty and like you'll drag Swift for anything (Plus obsessions with 'correct' grammar is just rooted in abliesm, classism and racism- so yeah not a good look)

Plus bringing up your literature degree... like you never studied poetry? Which famously plays with grammar and sentence structure? Like that's inherent to the genre and while very little of TTPD is poetic, lyrics are still most similar to poems then they are to essays or journal articles

Sorry you just really hit a nerve here cos it's just such a ridiculous thing to bring up.

Okay, yes people don't write songs like essay's. However, they often still use determinable grammar rules in art.  

You are keying into the difference between prescriptive and descriptive grammar rules. 

The prescriptive rules are ones that you are most likely to find first listed in dictionaries or textbooks. Descriptive grammar rules contend with the dialectal differences and slang. In either case, rules and stipulations or exceptions are noted in various linguistic analysis of the demographic's dialect. Both subgroups of grammar are consistently evolving as the use of the English language changes over time.  

Before I move on, I just want to say that I am well-aware of the deep history surrounding the debates on proper grammar. These debates, of course stem, from sociohistorical issues surrounding class, race, and ableist attitudes. You are correct. However, the academic conversation on grammar and linguistics has advanced dramatically into the subdivision of grammar-practices with respect to dialectal and cultural differences. I judge Taylor Swift's grammar as similar to my own, since she claims to be from my “neck of the woods.” Thus, I feel it is entirely appropriate for me to throw metaphorical tomatoes at her.  

 In the juncture of this difference on prescriptive and descriptive, I want to make that point that people who utilize the difference well often take prescriptive rules and bend them to fit their specific thematic point, thus the lyric forms to its set of descriptive grammar rules. These artists do it with such finesse and precision, unlike Taylor Swift, that it’s nearly awe-inspiring.  

For instance, Kendrick Lamar uses many AAVE typical syntactical structures to make his music personalized art. He won a Pulitzer for it. Take, as an example, the intro to his song “Humble” in which he writes, “Nobody pray for me / It been that day for me” (2017). This is not grammatically correct according to the prescriptive grammar rules laid out in the 1940’s. However, linguistic scholars do not operate on so strict a pendulum anymore. Notice, too, that Lamar is not actually breaking any grammatical rules, only playing with the purpose and form of his syntax, when we take into account the dialectical intention with which he uses “it been” as a poignant use of the past participle form of the verb “to be.” Thus, the simple sentence of “it is” changes into the “it been” as a subjective call first to his cultural dialect and to the thematic gesture of the song. As the phrase “it been” leaves out the helping verb “have” which would put the phrase into present progressive tense should it be present; however, it’s noticeable absence as a stiff detraction from prescriptive grammar rules, focuses Lamar’s thematic point on moving the audience to mediate on the past as it intrudes on the present time. His use of language discrepancy between prescriptive and descriptive rules focuses recognition on his dialectal culture and on his main thematic point as it hinges on making sure to notice where you’ve been in life in order to stay humble and live with authenticity. He is a masterclass on descriptive grammar being used in such a beautifully artistic way that I am damn near in tears for his music.  

Okay, moving onto to your point about poetry not being grammatically correct. You are quite wrong here, because poetry "plays" with syntax but it does not throw the rules out. Much like the example I laid out above, poetry does the same thing wherein it plays with prescriptive grammar in a thoughtful way that often ties into the moral or theme of the work. Poetry centers on a different form of syntactical methodology... yes, you are right. However, the emphasis is still on the necessity of understanding grammar structures like poetic feet, meter, rhyme scheme (etc). It's not a free-for-all. The best poets of the last 6 centuries have been some with the most linguistically precise sentence structure that I've ever read. I can give you examples, but if I do that this answer will become a million words long.  

I am, however, sorry to have struck a nerve or come-off like a know-it-all. I was only expressing my frustration that Taylor Swift is apparently one of the biggest artists in the world and she doesn't even bother to ask a friend if the meaning of her phrases gets lost in excessively languishing grammatical structures. For instance, in her song “Chloe or Sam or Marcus or Whatever” she is stacking so many phrases hinging on coordinating conjunctions that the meaning of the phrase itself loses any poignant message. She writes:

Named Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus And I just watched it happen As the decade would play us for fools And you saw my bones out with somebody new Who seemed like he would've bullied you in school And you just watched it happen (Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus).

In this stanza alone there are 6 coordinating conjunctions stacked together, interspersed with additional prepositional phrases and 2 extra relative clauses. It is the most egregious run-on sentence I have ever seen published before. I've seen better, cleaner prose in the work I've graded from High School freshmen. Not only could she have said it in less words, but the way she is writing it makes it drag on and on. The meaning gets lost, and any emotional impact is shut down because people get lost in the wordiness.

It’s a failure on her part, and it’s clear how just writing a run on sentence with no meaning is so much different than the way that someone like Lamar is masterfully arranging language to fit his purpose.  It's offensive that she gets to make a million-billion dollars off so little effort. 

Sorry, I wrote you an essay, but I am so incredibly passionate about writing. Also, I’ve been listening to Lamar a lot today because of his recent diss track, and it just reminded about how much of a lyrical genius he is. Sorry, I detoured into a rant about how cool he is too. And I need people to understand that I am not critiquing Swift because I need to dunk on someone in order to bolster my own sense of self-worth. I just want better mainstream art, and I want people to have better, stronger art with which to engage.  

I did not mean to hurt your feelings.  You are quite right that obsession with "proper" grammar is bullshit; however, I am not looking for some old fashioned "proper" nonsense. I want people to write like Lamar, with intelligence and passion while he bends the notions of grammar, not like Taylor Swift with obvious run-on obfuscated and stupid phrases.

edit: Also, good writers do actually worry about grammar. It has to do with illocutionary forces behind the phrases. The best among us knows the language inside and out, and that is why they are the best writers.

Edit 2: Also, I've been thinking about this, but what do you think literary and poetry critics do? You say it's bizarre to critique Taylor Swift’s poor grasp of the English language? Of course, I'm critiquing that... she's the one who calls herself a writer. I don't go around checking everyone's grammar, but if you call yourself a "good" writer and a poet, obviously expect people to analyze the words on the page.

[annlillyjose]

Green Room – WIP Intro

hiii cuties!

have you ever been overcome by an irresistible urge to write a memoir at the age of twenty, or are you normal? i'm definitely not, so here's a new project (again)

green room is an experimental memoir that delves into my teenage years as a writer. i started writing seriously at the age of thirteen and self-published my first book at fourteen, which is something that haunts me to date. but here's the thing – i feel like i've learned a lot in the last six to seven years and wanted to explore it with another writing project.

i don't really know what this book is going to be yet. i'm going to start drafting during nanowrimo as a side project and hopefully finish it by the end of the year, but i'm not in a rush. i want to enjoy the process of writing this so i might take my sweet time.

now because this is an intro post, let's get to some specifics.

disclaimer: this is my original work. plagiarism of any kind will not be tolerated.

genre: creative/literary non-fiction

pov: first person retrospective

structure: a combination of chapters, vignettes, and poetry maybe

projected word count: 50k

concept: literary memoir on a writer's journey through teenage as they navigate genre, form, tense, character, story, plot, theme, atmosphere, and setting.

aesthetics/vibes: abandoned art galleries, mountaintops, beaches at midnight, falling asleep on the terrace, coffee mugs, word documents, cute stationery that never gets used, rejection e-mails, daydreaming, moon phases, still rivers, birds flying in groups, rain, academic validation, morally gray people, the colour green

THE ORIGIN STORY

i had always wanted to write something in retrospect of my teenage and document my growth, but didn't want to be so didactic in doing so. the memoir seemed like a serious piece of writing so i didn't really know if i was qualified enough to start. but if i've learned anything about writing in the last few years, it is that you can write whatever you feel like writing. so here i am with a new wip.

a little bit about the title – i struggled with this the most. but the novel i wrote during my late teens (dairy whiskey) was an entirely green book and i found myself finding thousands of green things every single day. my life had turned a shade of green. i was very inspired by the books bluets by maggie nelson and the white book by kan hang. i decided to make the colour green an important aspect of the book.

i don't know how this is going to turn out or if i'm going to do updates for this one, but who knows, i just might. until then, i hope you enjoy my other writing and shitposting. until next time, goodbye.

– ann.

general taglist (ask to be added or removed)

@shaonsim @heartfullkings @vnsmiles @dallonwrites @wannabeauthorclive @sienna-writes @violetpeso @flip-phones @silassghost @ambidextrousarcher @zoe-louvre @writing-with-l @magic-is-something-we-create @femmeniism @frozenstillicide @wizardfromthesea @rose-bookblood @coffeeandcalligraphy @rodentwrites @saltwaterbells @snehithiye @at-thezenith

[spritebug]

What do you think the MS characters studied during FCU/at university generally?

Thank you for the ask! ^^

My FCU knowledge is very limited, so I’m sorry if this is ooc or goes against cannon 😅

I’ve also never done something like this, so I hope the layout is okay!

What the main Mystreet characters studied at FCU/College/University

———————————————

Like I say, I don’t remember much of FCU. So this will be based on their MS and PDH personalities!

(Also I’m British so I’m sorry if I mixed anything up!)

Aph

-I strongly think aph went into a creative subject.

-Specifically Graphic Design or Drawing and Painting

-I also think she could have taken Creative Writing, after realising that she could make Fan fiction her entire job if she just “got it published”

-turns out it wasn’t that easy.

-(I think she’d have considered a Veterinary course, but decided against it after realising she’d have to see some of the animals pass on)

Katelyn

-I truly don’t talk about Katelyn enough.

-The easy answer is obviously a sports based course.

-Such as studying/training for volleyball or Sports Coaching.

-BUT I think she also could have done something in Drama, specifically Acting and Performance.

-I think she would have taken up Boxing Lessons during this, either for fun or to try cover her love of Theatre.

Nana(kc)

-Bakery.

-It’s easy, I know. But I really think she probably would have taken a Bakery and Patisserie course.

-If we’re also talking in universe stuff, then I think she might have taken some form of Magics Classes.

-And depending on when her dream of starting a maid cafe started, she could have taken Business Management to try and do that.

-I like to think she had a part time job at the Meif’wa scouts as a scout leader.

-(Probably also considered Veterinary as an option)

Garroth

-This man was way too difficult

-But it’s okay we love him anyway

-I think Garroth would be the type of person who just panicked and applied for a course in whatever he got the best grades in at the end of secondary/high school, even if it’s not what he wanted to do. (Which is valid)

-He probably could have continued in Baseball, but realised he’d rather keep it as a hobby and not a career.

-Garte absolutely offered him an apprenticeship at his business, and definitely tried super hard to get him to accept.

-Thankfully, Zianna pushed for him to do what he wants not what Garte wants. We love zianna.

-But, Garte definitely made him do a part time course in Business Management “just in case”

-Garroth doesn’t know what he wants to do in life yet, and that’s perfectly fine.

Zane

-Ahhh zane. Just as difficult as his brother.

-I think he could have done English Literature or some form of Poetry, gotta get the angst out somehow.

-But other things MCD and the wiki also make me think he could have done Business management to try and please his dad and become the favourite child.

-Garte probably offered him the the apprenticeship after Garroth declined it, but it was too late to accept.

-He probably considered an art course because of his love of MLP 2D animation.

Vylad

-MY BOYYY

-I have so many opinions

-Okay, so for some reason I really think Vylad would take a Photography course. It just makes sense in my mind.

-If not photography, I think he would have taken any course that involved him having to travel in order to study.

-I think Vylad learned at least 1 other language during college/uni.

-Probably took baking classes at one point, but kept eating his projects before he could present them.

-I don’t think Garte got around to offering him the apprenticeship, but he wouldn’t have accepted anyway.

Laurence

-This man. I love him, but his wiki is….lacking compared to everyone else’s.

-But we continue anyway

-I’m tempted to say he didn’t go to Uni/college, and instead helped on his parents farm for a little while or did some form of Apprenticeship.

-if he did I think Laurence could have continued football/soccer, but I think he’d get bored and choose something else.

-I think Laurence would be the type who chooses his courses based solely on what he enjoys doing, without a real plan on what to do afterward. (me too)

-I think he would have taken a culinary course, mainly surrounding savoury food.

-college/uni is probably where he learnt Japanese.

-I think Cadenza would have convinced him to do a part time Fashion and Beauty course “or she’d disown him”.

-Definitely did Babysitting as a part time job.

Dante

-Dante. One of the hardest out of this list.

-I’m honestly so stumped for our dear Danny boy

-I can imagine Dante going into something like Engineering or Film.

-I literally have no idea why, it’s just all I picture when I think about it. I wish I could provide more information

-I think he probably got a job pretty early after leaving Secondarily/High school. Like just something small, not a stable forever job.

-I think College/Uni has to be around the time he toned down his PDH-era flirting.

Travis

-I feel like Travis could have went into Media or something along those lines.

-Or social studies

-He seems like he’d do an apprenticeship somewhere, but I’m not sure where.

-he’s a tricky one

-he definitely did cooking lessons at some point

-I think college/Uni is also where he learnt a martial art

-He defiantly went to the same place as Dante

Aaron

-I think Aaron didn’t have much control over what he studied. I think he was heavily influenced by his parents.

-Definitely took Business Management

-Definitely took some form of Werewolf classes

-And definitely lost interest quickly

-100% made use of the on-campus gym. He probably spent more time there than classes.

Lucinda

-Magic time

-Definitely took multiple Magic Courses.

-Specifically about Familiars and Witchcraft

-Took bakery classes on the side, and tried to mix the two together.

-I think she could have also taken gardening on the side.

Nicole

-I think Nicole’s dad would have tried to convince her to study Law or Politics, but after less than a year she switches.

-I think she would have taken Sport and Exercise Science, to better herself and others.

-I think she could have taken Veterinary part time too, like a wildlife sanctuary or something.

-She probably took martial art classes in between classes.

Cadenza

-CADENZAAA

-yes I’m including our girl

-She absolutely took Fashion Design.

-And possibly Beauty on the side.

-She knew exactly what she wanted in Secondary/High school, and she hasn’t changed her mind since.

-Definitely took self defence classes

-Also helped out at her parents farm for a little while.

��——————————————

I hope this was okay, I had to re-do the whole thing three times cause I kept accidentally losing all the progress 😅

[overwatch-xoxo]

So ima simp for Zenyatta so bad- and I’ve been craving a certain side of him. The -ahem- yandere side of him. You don’t have to write a fic, but head cannons or a lil drabble on how you think he would be as a yandere would be much appreciated.

Nonnie, you are so valid! Receiving this ask got me really excited to write for this blog again, so I've been working hard on this. I've never (intentionally) written yandere before, so I hope I was able to do this idea justice for you. Enjoy!~

tw: emotional manipulation, stalking, possessiveness, obsession

it starts small. you catch zenyatta’s gaze lingering in your direction for an extra moment, just long enough that you notice, but brief enough that you dismiss it. perhaps it was all in your head. 

suspicion turns to butterflies as his interest in you becomes more pronounced. when he speaks to you, it’s in a gentle, even tone. he makes time to spend with you, often accompanying you for walks in gardens. he recites poetry and philosophical musings, and you can get lost in his lilting verse.

while zenyatta’s voice is soothing, his words are complex and often leave you feeling more dazed than comforted. you get the feeling he knows he’s talking circles around you. when you ask clarifying questions, he laughs, his chuckles light as blossoms on the air.

although zenyatta has a reputation for keeping a cool and effortlessly calm exterior, he struggles to keep himself that way around you. the prana, the life force energy that flows through his body and makes him alive, becomes overwhelmingly frenetic in your presence. he might shake or stutter. this feeling is especially exacerbated by even small inklings of jealousy or anxiety within him.

when it comes to himself, zenyatta also values inner peace and calm, devotion, honesty. he quickly finds that your presence interrupts that balance he has worked so hard to maintain. even when you are not around, his mind swirls with visions of you - your voice, your hair, your scent. 

above all, he seeks balance, and he knows one thing for certain: your very existence throws him off-kilter, for better or for worse. sometimes he feels devastatingly hopeless at the idea of you leaving him for something different, more suited to your lifestyle, and he’ll soothe himself with healing energies. and sometimes he buzzes so vibrantly with joy that you are in his life at all, and he’ll bring himself back to the plane of reality with discord and malaise. he occasionally excuses himself to center his feelings in this way. but as you grow closer and he falls deeper into his obsessive love, leaving your side only serves to worsen this imbalance.

when he finally confesses his feelings to you, his words spill out frenetically, as if he couldn’t keep this chaotic love inside his body for a moment longer. 

“I once followed the Iris, thinking it would be my salvation, the only path to enlightenment for my people. I now realize the error in my ways. I should have always been devoted to you.”

one day, in zenyatta’s personal meditation room, you come across a worn leather journal with your name lovingly embossed into the cover in omnic script. Intrigued, you thumb through it. every page spills with written word about you - thoughts, musings, meditations, poetry, even records of little things you said to him that had been mundane, benign. glancing at his tidy shelves, it dawns on you that this is only the most recent volume of several. the earliest journals date back to before you even remember being introduced.

at night, he spoons you protectively, pressing every inch of his body to yours, reciting ancient spiritual poetry until you are lulled to sleep. not needing to rest himself, he keeps watch over you until dawn, wondering the whole time how he is fortunate enough to have you. sometimes you wake with the taste of metal on your tongue, and the thought of his hands in your mouth shivers in your mind.

“i wish to surround myself with nothing but you. I meditate on the image of crawling inside you, of taking up all the space within you until I know you are mine, and I am yours.”

he is remarkably protective of you, and although his face shows little expression, when he is enraged, a ferocious glint appears in his eye. when you talk to another person, anyone he sees as a romantic or physical threat, he touches you gently on the small of your back, barely concealing his trembling.

it isn’t long before his protective impulses get the better of him, and he insists on being with you at all times like a bodyguard. sometimes his obsessive needs grow so strong that he might forbid you from leaving his room at the temple, where he can keep an eye on you and know you’re safe.

“i want to know you like I know myself. i will devote every moment i am granted to wrapping myself in your soul, in everything you are, until you have permeated every iota of my being so thoroughly, I can no longer tell where you end and I begin.”

[tavina-writes]

i find it extremely funny that we (mxtx fandoms in general but mdzs especially) will get into huge shouting matches about timelines and research and accuracy and meanwhile she was like "the death of the nie bros' dad, an event extremely important to explaining the buildup to the war that affected literally every single member of the cast, could have happened anywhere in these five whole-ass years" and "yeah they totally had potatoes don't worry about it lol". truly airplane was an autobiographical character.

You know nonny, I DO find this intensely funny at times. My uh, main source of "shaking my head at this" happens when inevitably, meta goes around and we rush back and forth going "X WAS A GOOD PERSON" and "X WAS EVIL! EVIL!" etc, which happens every now and again and always makes me a bit like "ah, yes, it's difficult to convey nuance and also differing points of view that may in whole or in part also be legitimate and valuable to discuss on a place like tumblr/the internet in general because it is difficult to grapple with uncertainties and we often want to nail things down one way or another so we can figure out if we're right or not" <- but this often comes out as me writing a joke post. Or a saltier post than I intended. Sometimes because I'm tired and sometimes because I just happen to be a salty individual on main.

And I do think fandom is a place where like, multiple interpretations of an event or a statement or a character's "morality" and themes and choices are often equally valid. And fandom should be a place for that, that's what makes fandom fun. If there was a One True Interpretation of the text there'd be no need for interpreting text at all, and that's distinctly sad for me. That's no fun. Anyone who tries to use their knowledge to cudgel people into the One True Interpretation is wrong, btw.

Though I think, and here's where I feel that research and accuracy is a nuanced thing and should actually be of consideration for meta/fic/engaging with fandom in general, and why perhaps people strive for it -- the "lol, potatoes" and "poetry from whatever era I want" is fun! MXTX, however, is still writing about a fantasy version of her own culture, which offers along with it a foundational basis of knowledge that makes this...easier? And again, here's where the part of me that does enjoy these anachronisms and inaccuracies (because they're fun and since we have flying swords why not potatoes) wars with the part of me that's also like, "okay but there is a difference between 'not knowing enough to be respectful of the background surrounding the characters and why that might inform their actions' and 'I've decided that peppers, which did not exist in Eurasia prior to the Columbian Exchange are a big thing here now.'" The difference is respect. Different members of fandom will draw this line in different places and it hits different on different days.

And this is one of the struggles of engaging with foreign language media a lot of the time - we try to strike a balance between engaging with it based on our own experiences and backgrounds and not accidentally saying anything offensive or strange or 'that would totally never happen' or 'he would not fucking talk like that' and I've found, with my time in this fandom, most people who are concerned with accuracy and research are largely trying to be respectful and avoid such gaffes.

Over the two or so years I've been here, I've also reacted to people who've insisted their interpretation is the correct one when it was definitely a case of 'the version Chinese culture that I'm familiar with 200% does not work like that', and saltily wandered off to vent about how 'this is inaccurate and also rude' or try to explain why it wouldn't happen like that. Maybe this comes off as preachy at times, or overly concerned with "accuracy," but that is typically where that sort of reaction comes from for me. I expect this is probably true for other people as well!

And by no means like, do we only engage in fandom because we want to be educated or educate others, and by no means is that an obligation of any fic writer or meta writer or casual fandom goer. We engage with media because it engages us, and we engage with fandom because we love community, and sometimes its no more complex than that.

I enjoy research and art history so that's typically why this appears in my fic, and I started out on doing it to better connect with my own heritage, which I've found more important to me as I've gotten older, so that's where it comes from for me.

Apologies nonny, this was probably not the answer you were looking for and I do commiserate, I'm just chronically unable to be funny on main. 😔

TLDR: there's always nuance in everything unfortunately. Even if this is the no nuance webbed site.

[deuynndoodles]

[id: a banner including an icon of catori to the left, and to the right, text reading out the op's username, which is deuynndoodles (pronounced dune-doodles). catori is a small, blue, star-themed raccoon with a red ribbon tied around her neck. she is sticking out her tongue happily. end id]

kofi ★ commissions (open)

ao3 ★ discord ★ spotify ★ sideblog

hi there, i'm dey and i'm an artist! use whatever pronouns you'd like. i mainly do visual illustrations, comics, and doodles, but i dabble in animation, poetry, and writing on occasion.

cheers! ✌💫

[id: a colored, digital meet the artist. the artist, named dey, is young and feminine presenting. they have warm, light skin, brown eyes, various moles and freckles, and their wavy, scruffy brown hair is in a high ponytail. they have a tail and pointed ears. they wear a t-shirt dress, a hoodie around their waist, ripped jeans, sneakers, and most notably, a key necklace. dey waves at the viewer with a grin and a wink. an arrow points to them, saying "my sona".

catori, a small, slight blue raccoon, slinks around dey's shoulders. she has stars peppered throughout the dark of her fur and wears a ribbon around her neck. an arrow points to her and says her name.

dey is gesturing to some text and flags in the upper corner. it says dey is an adult, uses any/mirror pronouns, and their birthday is june 15th. they are agender and aroace, american, and autistic.

in another section, their likes are listed out. they enjoy loz (legend of zelda) and danny phantom. their favorite animals are raccoons and they enjoy spending their time watching cartoons, learning, and making art.

in the last section, their daily essentials are drawn. they include, from left to right: a phone, a water bottle, a wallet, keys, a usb c charger, bluetooth headphones, a tablet, and a pen and stylus. end id]

beliefs and faq under the cut!

my beliefs

anti racism. i acknowledge i am on stolen land.

pro queer rights. that said, i support any good faith identity (and yes, that includes masc lesbians etc.)

pro choice. give people the support and medical care they need.

pro disabled rights. self dx is valid. fakeclaiming is always bad. all people own their bodies, no one else, and reserve the right to do whatever they'd like.

pro endo. plurality is already stimatized enough, no infighting.

neither proship or antiship, but a secret third thing (wants people to touch grass). tag appropriately and we won't have problems.

fiction influences reality, and vice versa. they are not 1:1 but affect each other. ensuring media comprehension and literacy is important so we don't get things mixed up.

atheist. i do my best to support, but there are some things i simply can't wrap my head around. apologies in advance.

anti ai. as it is now, most ais are built off stolen work and scraped databases. legal protections must be set up.

honesty is the best policy. i tend to be blunt and straightforward, simply because i dislike playing the game of social norms. i never mean to offend: i will tell you directly if something offends me.

note that this is not a dni. i would, instead, prefer people to keep these in mind when interacting. i reserve the right to block.

if i ever do something offensive and/or juxtaposes with something above, please let me know in a private space.

faq

q: what do you use to draw?

a: i use a samsung galaxy tab s8 and draw in ibispaint.

q: what are mirror pronouns?

a: i borrow your pronouns—hence the phrase 'mirror'. when you refer to me, use your own pronoun set. (ex: if you use she/they, when you refer to me, also use she/they.)

q: what are the dates in the tags of your posts for?

a: i buffer my posts in case i go through an art block phase. the date represents the day i finished work on the file (in mm/dd/yy format).

q: can i make something based on a thing of yours?

a: of course! just @ me in the post + give credit if it's specific enough :]

q: may i use your art as a pfp/phone background/etc?

a: i'm perfectly fine with personal use. just link back to my account if others will see it. if you are profiting off my art, however, that is a whole 'nother conversation we should have in dms.

[bettsfic]

I feel like I need to write faster so that I can one day be published. Like, I need to have already written x amount of books to improve my craft. Now I can work on a big project that I can hopefully query later. But I’m still at the practice stages and it feels like I’m being too slow to get to my dream. And I truly hate calling my “practice” projects practice projects because it feels like they aren’t valid when I do. But it has been recommended to me to start off practicing before I do my more complex story ideas. I’m trying not to rush my writing but it feels like that’s the only way to reach my goal. I truly feel like the slowest writer: spending months on outlining and over a year on first drafts. How can I be a professional one day if this is my process?

i answered a similar question about feeling the pressure to write a lot in this post, where i offer my own publishing timeline.

the thing is, there's no such thing as practice projects. the concept of practice implies an eventual performance. a performance is temporal. it can only happen in the moment, like a sport or a concert. it can be recorded for posterity, but the actual reality of it happens in a present that can't be recreated.

poetry, prose, and art are all eternal things. when words are printed to paper, they become a tangible object. there is no single moment you're working toward. and because of that, there's no practice. there's only drafting and revision. that's all writing is and can ever be. no one gets better at writing. you can only get more patient with your process, and find more familiarity in the agony of the unknown.

getting a book published isn't the birth of your story; it's the death of it. it's its final resting place. the life of a story happens while you're writing it. everyone who reads it thereafter is only experiencing what is to you a memory.

so publishing is wildly overrated. just last year i won a grant with a story that hasn't been, and will probably never be, published. two weeks ago i got accepted into a prestigious residency with an excerpt of a story that wasn't (at the time of applying) published. i got accepted into a PhD program on a writing sample that was published, but the publication folded and now no one can access that story anymore. i signed an agent with a short story collection that got a lot of interest but nobody wanted to pick it up.

i just finished a novel i'm pretty confident will sell sometime in the next decade, but that's not what i set out to do with it. i set out to experiment with something, not thinking i'd ever publish it and so the stakes were very low. all i did was follow a small idea around and ask it questions like an annoying kid whose curiosity can never be satisfied. and around the 75k mark i thought: oh, this is the thing.

but the 6ish novels before that will never see the light of day. those weren't practice novels. they're novels that either have no place in the current market for whatever reason, or they're novels that aren't yet doing the work i want them to do, and i don't know how to tackle a revision. i've had to write 3 million words to get to the 30k or so words i've formally published. those 3 million words weren't practice projects. they were the real deal. but sometimes the resting place of a story is a locked drawer.

that can be sad. devastating. but you're allowed to be sad about work that doesn't reach your initial ambitions. there are no practice projects, but you can practice coping with all the complicated and uncomfortable emotions of the creative process. you can practice facing your fear of failure, which over time will get smaller and smaller as you continue to set goals and fail to reach them. eventually you'll succeed, but that success probably won't look like what you think it does.

honor your interests, your process, the next page, next sentence, next word. pursue what's right in front of you and forget the rest.