#very exomemory of me

[stick-named-figure]

also i've been thinking about abandoned things turning malignant again and i guess tomorrow or whatever i'll design them but i have this idea of a stick figure who was made and created very carefully only to be abandoned to the internet for years.

like i just wanna have a thing that was made for violence and then left to decay. a little bit of some meta idea about what it's like for a character to be written with trauma. like understanding the bounds of your life and realizing that what you are is pre written and "didn't" happen. yeah.

[gurorori]

bein' completely honest here i have considered npd shu be4 soooo often cause the. the shoe fits (laugh please), i feel like his past & family environment cld really serve as a push, in the end cluster Bs r all jus' sets of survival & coping tactics ya adopt into yr personality as a result of unjust treatment & trauma <- this is true

nawt 2 armchair diagnose him but like we shall go over sum npd traits. cause we kno here it ain't jus' high self esteem (when the opposite is usually evident)

↓↓↓

intentionally or nawt i feel like exvalk shu especially fits the npd mold like dat was his entire character conflict /lh (i miss him)

> a grandiose sense of self-importance

need i say anythin'. listen 2 like the first shu voiceline in ! it was literally 'i am the emperor of ymnsk academy'. .. doesn't he also go as far as 2 declare himself the god of this world? like ''kono sekai no kami da' i remember dat. oh & how much stronger & imposin' his timbre was compared 2 how much softer his voice is rn. he was very much self-focused even though it manifested thru valkyrie, he was distinctly treatin' the unit as his creation & his own creation only. the focus on the self is very real

> a preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

i feel like if ya know shu ya will nod away at every single one of these cause. pre-fall valk <- dat wasn' even a fantasy, i feel like he was really narc-thrivin' back then cause it was the reality, they WERE on top. (srry if ya came here 4 thorough analysis i don' do that round here i jus' show ya smth & we both nod solemnly) success, power, brilliance, beauty, even ideal love (shnz wink?) - exvalk shu is both a perfectionist & a maximalist i think he craved it all, an' even when he has achieved great success he jus' can't get enuff, leadin' him 2 get overconfident 2 the point where he was /dat/ oblivious 2 his own (& valkyrie's, but at dat time he saw valkyrie as himself only, & the rest as just an extension, a tool) imminent demise practically laid out in front of him.

> a belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions

this guy?

the guy who calls the general public philistines & views ppl who don' adhere 2 the same high standards he holds 4 himself imbeciles?

> a need for excessive admiration

the 'go on, praise me more!' guy? it might seem at first like he'd b too prideful 2 outright ask 4 external validation but if ya really look a bit into it, he's very reliant on it.. i think it gets amplified by bein' an idol too, bein' very self conscious of yr image. ofc mr oshisan wld find himself in a field where the entire point is 2 b the center of attention & appraisal.

> a sense of entitlement

i think this jus' circles back 2 every other point i made...!!!! exvalk shu is control & acknowledgment hungry. he wants 2 step on n crush the skulls of every1 who is unworthy & soar thru the skies on the mechanical wings of valkyrie.. or wtv. he is intensely focused on his goal 2 the point of tunnel vision cause he fully believes himself 2 deserve the throne. no1 else can b above him. he despises 'commoners' & those below him yet who brought him all the recognition & glory? wats the expression? rest on yr laurels? dunno if 'm usin' it correctly!!!

i also hope i don' come off as dramatisin' too much. like ik marionette is literally jus' one story but i feel it dat much stronger, i guess. 4 (introject) reasons. i hope these things don' read as a huge stretch.

> interpersonally exploitive behavior

> a lack of empathy

> envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her

gettin' lazy. i feel like this cld jus' b self explanatory... i don' wanna go in depth into every single one 4 shu, esp cuz. ya don' need every single criteria 2 match. 4 a diagnosis. but if ya have any specific moments 4 this one feel free 2 add on 👍🏼

> a demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes

[reticent-fate]

Cursed to forever ponder the mercurial nature of identity and how vastly different I experience these identities from my headmates

Fun after work thoughts on a Monday

[rainbowlemonslices]

I hope you learn to listen to science. I genuinely wholeheartedly hope that your experience hasn't harmed you if you truly are a system. Trauma is tough, I hope you find peace.

Endos may be scientifically impossible, and the endo community has done horrible things to the system community as a whole, but I truly do hope you are okay, regardless of being horribly misinformed.

omg our first hate ask! our blog is big enough for that, yippee! /s

violet here! okay, so normally i wouldn’t respond to this kind of thing very intensely because honestly we don’t like getting into syscourse much. however, this is a good time and place to put our stance on things, as well as answer this ask anyways. (everything is going below the cut now since it is a bit long)

okay so first of all, i wanna address the fact that you are implying that we’ve had trauma, and this isn’t really true. sure we’ve had a few scary events and whatnot from when we were younger, but we don’t really have trauma. our family is and was, for the most part, kind and caring as well, and hasn’t informed us of any traumatic events.

back when we thought we were traumagenic, as it was the only type of system we had known of at the time, we were stumped on one thing. where our trauma was. and believe me when i say we dug and dug and dug, trying to find anything that would be traumatic. it became a major life focus, made us paranoid, and made us feel horrible that we hadn’t found anything. we tried to force memories that didn’t exist. starting becoming scared of things that had never happened to us. tried to reason that fictive exomemories must be telling us something about our past trauma. and yet, we found nothing.

so, despite having no trauma whatsoever, we still felt all of these things. we were scared, and felt horribly like frauds. during therapy sessions about plurality, we shared almost nothing because we were scared that because we couldn’t find our trauma, that we couldn’t be real. we were told by both the therapist and our mom that our headmates were not real. cyan started to push us away in fear. headmates began to hide themselves away too. even our happy littles, who are the whole reason we know we’re plural, hid. the only two people near the front were cyan and purple. both of them were screaming and crying at each other. cyan told purple to go away because e “wasn’t real”. purple broke, and after months of feeling so happy together, we broke apart, feeling more empty than before.

and yet, the headmates never really left. we continued to show up, even though many of us were in denial about being real. we are still there, a long time after being told we didn’t exist. we still experience changes in who controls the body, contrasting likes and dislikes, very different personalities from each other. we were still there.

so, we eventually stumbled onto the term endogenic, and things just kind of clicked. hearing that we are a system, even though it wasn’t caused by trauma was life changing. finally, we started to feel whole, we started to feel like we understood and belonged. we realized that we are still real, and much more real than we were when we were digging for trauma that didn’t exist. that’s how we know we’re real. we know our own experiences, and one person telling us that we’re “scientifically impossible” and doing “horrible things to the system community” isn’t going to change that fact that we exist.

however, i’m not done yet. you happened to say that endos are “scientifically impossible” and doing “horrible things to the system community”, as previously mentioned. however, these claims aren’t really very true.

firstly, i would love if you could provide me some actual evidence that endogenic systems can’t exist, since you are the one making such a claim. secondly, some evidence for endos being harmful would also be great as well.

thing number one, here is an article that is commonly brought up in endo related debates that i could not leave out. i suggest you check it out and give it a good read. since it is a source that mostly speaks for itself, i will simply let you read the many pages worth of information on endogenic systems.

in addition to that, here is another article i found on my own time, and while it is not particularly about endogenic systems, i felt it was informative regardless. i would like to preface this by saying i am not exact a fan of this article, as there were some parts that i didn’t like how it was written and what not, but it is a third person perspective, neutral group, with no bias. if i am reading it correctly (which i really do hope i am, though sometimes i do fail on my reading comprehension), the article is about the ties in plurality and other identities, as well as making comparisons in traumagenic plurality versus other pluralities, tulpas and endos. primarily, the comparison section is about tulpas and traumagenic, and i am not well educated on those, so i will be leaving that part at that. what i’m primarily here to call out is the way it describes how similar the experiences and symptoms are noted from both traumagenic systems and nontraumagenic systems, as well as the segments where it states that many traumagenic systems may not meet all the criteria’s for a diagnosis. i bring this up because it seems as if some anti endos think that to be plural you MUST fit all of the diagnostic criteria AND be traumagenic, when this does not appear to be true. the DSM is NOT a holy text, and scientists discover new things quite frequently.

for you last point, i’m a bit confused on where you’re getting that the endo community has “done horrible things to the system community as a whole”. i have never seen that before, and that is an incredibly bold claim to make without presenting any evidence of this happening. since i’m not exactly sure what you are talking about, or what you mean by “horrible things”, i will just says that endos are not harming the plural community. for starters, “plural” is a term that INCLUDES endos, and i believe it was MADE for this purpose (however i currently cannot find the source for this information, i have seen it many times). so, by pushing endos away, the PLURAL community is being harmed. i since i assume you are equating traumagenic to DID/OSDD (which i believe are not the same, but i am unsure of where any sources on that are either), i would also like to inform you that i have NEVER seen an endogenic system claim to have DID or OSDD. endogenic systems are NOT inherently claiming to be a disordered system. we are NOT taking away from traumagenic systems.

that being said, i would LOVE to inform you that we ARE okay, and are doing quite well as we are becoming informed on endogenic systems. thank you for your time to anyone who read this!

also please let me know if i said anything stupid, or messed up! i have no idea if i’m doing this right at all! i’ve never really done syscourse like this before so this is a first! (and please let me know if the second source is bad, since i bet someone is much better at reading and breaking down those types of studies and articles)

[hiiragi7]

I want to talk about the assumption of sources and introjects in plural spaces, and new alter help channels. I've been meaning to write on this for a while but a recent post in the syscourse tag talking about a similar topic reminded me to just do it.

So, for my background, I am part of a traumagenic DID system. I've been in plural spaces for years now, and am a moderator for a large pro-endo server.

A lot of systems in the servers I have both been in and moderated have a lot of introjects, especially fictives - This is normal.

However, due to this, many, many people assume everyone else is like them - A fictive.

"Do you have a source?" is the single most common question I see in both casual conversation and in new alter help channels.

People also tend to get very, very excited over source - After all, having an introject must be a sign you really enjoy that source, right?

You're expected to want to talk about source as a fan and not as someone who just so happens to have been sourced from somewhere.

You're expected to talk about your exomemories and feelings fondly as if they're nothing more than part of a show you like.

You're expected to know and be friendly with other introjects who share your source.

There also is no real understanding within the wider community of how introjects work, I find - I was surprised to see just how many people in the server I moderate do not know much about abuser introjects.

For example, it was a surprise for many of them to find out how a system member reflecting/repeating behavior from an abuser may be an abuser introject, or how an abuser introject may look like "The abuser if they were a good person/actually cared about me" (Such as a "replacement parental figure"), in a similar vein to how you may have "non-source-compliant" introjects from media (As in, they do not have to look like source or be named after source or behave exactly like source in order to be an introject).

And yet, despite this, everyone is assumed to be an introject unless proven otherwise.

If you share a name with a fictional character, it's assumed you're an introject.

If you have colored hair, it's assumed you're an introject.

If you have a non-"stereotypical english" name, it's assumed you're an introject.

If you have pseudomemories or exomemories, it's assumed you're an introject.

I find this issue most glaring in channels where people are most vulnerable - New alter help channels.

Often, it's assumed that if you are there, you must be an introject.

The questions start off not as trying to ground you but as pinning down a source - What do you remember? Do you remember your friends' names? Do you remember what school you went to?

Not only is this often not helpful for the newly formed introjects who are less concerned about "figuring out who they are" and more distressed over not knowing where they are or why they are so confused or cannot remember anything - This also quickly becomes dangerous for the non-introject.

A personal example that really harshly outlined this issue for me was when we formed a new part - A very confused, very high-amnesia part.

I cannot remember if they saw the notes we leave around our room to plan for this situation or if they were told to go there by someone outside the system or if something else happened, but they made their way to a new alter help channel regardless.

They were not, however, an introject.

They were asked what they needed help with, and they told others they were, to quote them, "Having a lot of trouble adjusting. Nothing really feels real and I get scared when I think about a lot of things because they're so different and unfamiliar. I miss my friends and just want to go back to having fun with them again."

The next question? "Do you remember what your friends look like?"

For many people in plural spaces, this may seem like a reasonable follow-up question.

For us, however, it put us at risk of accidentally doxxing ourselves when already in a highly confused and vulnerable state.

They were not an introject.

They were a trauma part, who formed only with memories of highschool. They remembered those, but nothing after, and was very confused on how much had changed and found themselves in a very unfamiliar place with things that held no memory to them. They were scared, and lost.

Their friends' names, as well as the name of their school (Which was later asked in this same conversation), would not have been that of a fictional character - It would have been our old real-life friends and school.

In cases like these, the assumption of being an introject is not only unhelpful, it can be actively dangerous for new system members.

This new system member of ours, also, explicitly said, over and over, that they were not as stressed about the identity confusion as they were about not knowing where they were or why things are so different now, yet others continued pushing to try to guess a source from them that did not exist.

New alter help channels, ideally, should be used for helping new system members get grounded - However, instead they are used as "Guess the character" games, at the expense of the newly formed system member.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Do you have any advice for systems who recently had a massive influx of new members? Especially when these members present as their own system (essentially like a sidesystem I guess?) We're trying to work together, but it feels like two strangers were suddenly thrown into a living situation together and we're struggling to connect and work with each other (it's a lot of "us vs. them" right now)

We're also confused and somewhat struggling because the main system (A) is non-disordered, but the introjected system (B) has a lot of really awful trauma from exomemories and this exotrauma still affects them (one of them was in front recently and was getting flashbacks of something that happened within their exo/source life) and because of this and exomemories, system B describes their plurality as being disordered.

How do we go about all this? Any advice is useful

hey, so your situation sounds kind of complex - we’re sorry in advance if this response gets a bit long!

first of all, strangers quite often do get thrown into living situations together. this is something that happens quite regularly in real life. it can certainly be uncomfortable and a bit intimidating, but there are things you all can do to slowly start getting to know one another. perhaps try to set aside some time every day to try and get to know each other. you can ask each other questions, or try to find some kind of activity y’all can do together that could help y’all bond and learn a bit more about each other.

maybe try passing around this headmate form created by a part in our system for everyone to fill out as they wish:

getting to know everyone may take some time and energy, but that is absolutely normal and something to be expected. also, if not all headmates are able to click and jive well together, that’s okay. not every system member has to have familial or friendly relationships. maybe viewing each other as roommates, acquaintances, or coworkers could help tone down relationship expectations and help everyone feel a bit more comfortable with each other.

and, as y’all go along, as conflicts and arguments do arise, we also have a post on dealing with these sorts of things which may help you:

regarding dealing with trauma from exomemories, we truly feel that healing from events that the body did not physically experience may look incredibly similar to healing from real world trauma. so getting therapy, learning grounding and coping techniques, journaling, creating art, and allowing yourselves time to process at your own pace are all good things to consider.

often with exotrauma, there very well may be real-world trauma at the root of it, so be careful and ready to help each other if and when a memory of a real-world event surfaces. maybe come together to create a safety plan to keep your whole system safe in the event of certain headmate struggling to cope with a traumatic exomemory. be open and honest with each other, and try to provide support to the best of each of your abilities.

disordered vs. nondisordered does not have to be a black and white experience. it’s possible for systems to be complex, with varying levels of impairments caused by their plurality, and even to have headmates who may find their plurality disordered while others do not. it also doesn’t have to be set in stone - it is possible for a disordered system to become nondisordered later in life and vice versa. we understand that this may be a difficult new thing to come to terms with, and we hope that, as your new side system is able to access healing and recovery, life may become easier for all of you. again, things like therapy and healing/recovery tools may be beneficial here.

we hope something we’ve said here will prove useful for you. rest assured, with more time spent together, you all will start to feel less and less like strangers. good luck to you folks with dealing with this in the future though.

[jewishconvertthings]

Hi! So, I’m a fictive in a plural system. The body is halachally Jewish by reform standards (patrilinear) but in exomemories, my family was WASP-y as hell. I’m reasonably sure I need to go through the process to convert and I consider myself a Jew in progress, however, I’ve got absolutely no idea how to explain the situation to a rabbi. I actually tried reaching out over email to one at the shul we half heartedly attend, but I didn’t get an answer. I’m not sure if it ended up in spam somehow or if he did see it and thought I was fucking with him or crazy. Or both. I don’t have any guarantees I’ll be in the system forever, though I’ve been here for like three years now. Is it worth trying again? The shul is Reform and super chill with LGBT stuff, but I don’t know what that means for the scarier neurodivergences.

Hi there!

So you are definitely not the first (and I doubt you'll be the last) person to ask about plurality and conversion to Judaism here. Because of that, I am giving a much more extensive answer that may exceed the scope of your question, because I want to be able to hopefully assist others with similar questions. Thank you in advance for your patience!

Here's the thing about being plural and conversion - you convert as a unit. Once the body is halachicly Jewish, that's it, you all are. Judaism is interesting in that we already canonically believe in (at least Jews) having multiple souls. Additionally, there is the mystical idea that the soul of every convert was at Sinai and therefore that when someone is driven to convert it's because they already had a Jewish soul. However, they still need to convert.

Why? Because Judaism is an embodied religion. It is very much about taking things that exist in the animal world and elevating them to sanctity through mitzvot. Every human and animal pees, but Jews say a bracha afterwards because we are grateful that our body's innards are working correctly enough to make that possible. Every human and animal eats, but Jews keep kosher and say brachot to sanctify what goes into our bodies. Judaism even has mitzvot related to married couples' conduct with their spouse, especially in relationship to menstruation. For as much as Judaism believes in souls, it equally believes in grounding those souls in the earthly realm and therefore liberating the divine sparks of creation in the process.

Which is all to say: Judaism is also a group project. We are judged collectively as a nation on Rosh Hashana and repent as a nation on Yom Kippur. Even if you were a singlet, you would still need to consider carefully whether you were prepared to join in the collective project of mitzvot. People who have existing familial ties to others may find it more challenging to convert. What if your spouse or teenage children do not wish to convert with you? It is often still possible to convert (I did, and my spouse did not convert with me) but it requires at least some amount of buy-in support from those you live with and are permanently tied to, even if they are not directly joining you. My spouse, who again is not Jewish and did not convert with me, still knows at least as much about kashrut as I do because he does the vast majority of the cooking, he helps me clean and prep for Pesach every year, and he actually eats pesadik food with me every year so as not to bring chametz into the house. He helps me prepare the house for Shabbat and does not interfere with the setup, and works around my observance. It's a huge commitment from a gentile who does not believe in G-d and appreciates but does not wish to join the Jewish people.

Your system has to be on board. They just do. Because if/when you decide not to front or determine that it's time to move on or what-not, the body will still be halachicly Jewish and it will be up to those running it to determine how to act in light of that reality.

For what it's worth, I am very familiar with a system who converted, and I have learned about what their internal conversation was like beforehand. It was extensive! They operate like a family, and there are six of them. Two it was clear right away were dyed-in-the-wool Jewish and were they singlets, nothing could have stopped them from becoming observant Jews. (One probably would have tried to become a rebbetzin and the other would've become a gay yeshiva bochur. Alas ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.) Two of them were people who would make excellent Jews, but probably also could've stayed excellent pagans. The fifth is very much a skeptic and the sixth was very much a Witch. The middle two were easy to sway after being exposed to queer-friendly Judaism. The fifth only agreed after understanding enough about Yiddish socialism and the history of Jewish leftism and secular culture that he realized he could very much appreciate yiddishkeit even if he didn't really believe in G-d (or if G-d is real, didn't really trust or like G-d given the state of the world.) He basically agreed that as long as he never had to do the davening or ritual mitzvot, he was cool with it.

The sixth acquiesced to the majority. She was very uneasy about making an eternal vow of any kind to any being, but especially one as powerful as the Almighty, and especially with something as complicated to follow as the mitzvot. She was reassured by the process of Yom Kippur to annul vows (Kol Nidrei) and to reset the slate through teshuva and collective forgiveness. She was also very nervous about the concept of tying one's fate to the collective fate of the Jewish people in terms of said agreement to keep the mitzvot. Her position was basically: You Don't Make Deals With Things You Can't See, and YES That Absolutely Includes Hashem. But! If the rest were going to insist on doing that anyway, well. They'd better be willing to hold by that Forever, even after death. How frum were they willing to be? After some further discussion (fifth alter's reluctance notwithstanding) they collectively agreed that they would agree to the mitzvot on the terms of the Conservative movement. The fifth alter agreed that he would not do anything to disrupt the others' observance even if he personally might have done differently as a secular/atheist Jew, e.g. watched TV on Shabbat or driven somewhere besides shul.

It's worth noting that I got this story because we are friends and that once they had full system buy-in, they decided for safety reasons *not* to discuss this particular wrinkle of psychology with their rabbis. Now, part of that decision was that that are a healthy system that works well together, has had extensive post-trauma therapy that *did* work with each alter individually as well as the system collectively, and were totally functional (after therapy) without any sort of psychiatric intervention. They were unwilling to jeopardize the relative safety from mental health institutions and their professional career by "coming out" about their plurality to anyone of authority in person or online. (I have obtained their collective permission to share this story as anonymized through myself as a third party to help other systems who are considering giyur.)

So to be clear, this is the advice I would offer as a layperson and as an informed friend.

**Major important reminder that I am not a rabbi or a mental health professional.**

Now, your situation is somewhat different from theirs, in that any conversion you make is going to be to solidify your halachic status as someone who is already Jewish in a major way and probably considered Jewish by the Reform movement already. They did not have previously existing ties to Judaism, whereas even if you do nothing, you will still be Jewish (even if not halachicly so by the traditional movements.)

I would recommend having a full system discussion. You want to figure out what your system, as a collective unit, needs, wants, and is willing to go along with. You will want, as part of this discussion, to do a major mental health and system balance analysis as well. How stable is your system? How functional are you as a group in the broader world? How healthy are your relationships to one another? Do you have trauma to unpack first? Need some type of therapeutic intervention? Do it now; do it first.

Then, if everyone is on board (enough) and working well together as a system, I would approach a rabbi to convert as a unit. It's up to you to determine how much, if anything, to disclose about your plurality to the Rabbi, so long as you can honestly tell him that you are [all] mentally well and stable. It is very possible to be a healthy system and/or to have long-term chronic mental illnesses while still being relatively stable and mentally well. Lots of people with well-managed mood disorders, personality disorders, developmental disorders, and even reality and dissociation disorders can and have converted. Judaism can truly be a place of peace and a shelter for the troubled. However, you must know yourself(/ves) well and you must be willing to seek professional help first or along the way if needed.

All of the plural stuff aside, I would recommend reaching out again after the high holidays and/or considering reaching out to a Conservative rabbi. The Reform movement may already consider you Jewish and therefore may not want to do a giyur l'chumra. The Conservative movement (much as I might personally disagree with it on this point) would not consider you halachicly Jewish and would be delighted to help you solidify your Jewish identity. If you ultimately decide not to convert but rather to reclaim and learn through the Reform movement, please know that you still have a place here. It's labeled as a gerische space, but the same types of resources and communities tend to help both gerim and reclaimants. We would be delighted to help you connect to your heritage and people and to support you doing so in a way that feels the most correct and appropriate to you.

Wishing you all the best in your exploration, a shana tova, and a meaningful Yom Kippur if you are observing it!

[antiendovents]

god. fucking. fuck, dude. sometimes i feel like faking being pro endo just to get some system support. i cannot handle living as a system alone, and im too embarrassed to talk to my other friends about it. endos will never see DID as anything other than friends in your head and its fucking sickening to me. i need a place to be able to talk to people who understand my fear of waking up after a blackout in a place i dont recognize. people who understand that my introjects have stand in exomemories that mimic our actual trauma. people who won't judge me for having dream smp introjects from 2020. people who aren't gonna judge me when i say that i love my persecutors. people who aren't gonna see my youtuber factives in an insys relationship and call it shipping. people who will treat my alters the way THEY want to be treated, whether they're separated from source or not.

yeah, I wouldn't recommend it. The endo community isn't any better from what I've heard. But I get the feeling. It's hard to find supportive people, whether they be anti endo or not. But I'm sure you'll find a community that doesn't judge you one day

((sorry if this isn't a very good response, I'm pretty tired from exams right now))

[headmate-packages]

A package has arrived for you! Open it?

Shipping #00001110

📮💌📦

Package Number: 00001110 (14)

Name(s): Melody, Melanie

Nickname(s): Mel

Orientation: Unlabeled

Pronouns: All pronouns - he/she/they/fluff/bun/snow/🍫/🐻‍❄️/🐼/🦄/🐇/🐁/🐩/🍥/🍰/🧁/🍭/🍬/🤍 are some favorites

Species: self-identified Doll

Age/range: Appears to be between 8-12. Their actual age is a definite number but they never let anyone know

Gender: Bigender + findrodox

Role: Dear

Interests: Sanrio, creepypasta, true crime

Frontcalls: candy, metal music, Sanrio

Likes: bunnies, Babymetal (band), chocolate

Dislikes: things that taste like iron

Appearance: They are short and chubby with dark skin and textured hair typically styled in two over the shoulder braids. They often wear a big fluffy jacket and have big eyes

Extra: She's very open about the things she liked but mysteriously closed off about the rest of the things she likes.

Sign off: 🍬 or 🤍

Fears: Unironically nothing

Happy place: Hello Kitty world :3

Hobbies: sharpening things that do not need to be made sharp… like candy canes :3

Passion: looking cute

Favorite memory: No exomemories

Handwriting:

Letter:

Hiiiii :3

You're Spooky? IM Mel!! I'm soooooo excited to join in >.< 💕💕

I really really like candy ESPECIALLY candy canes and I LOVEEEE hello kitty I don't even have a favorite sanrio character I just love ALLL of them ^^ I love creepypasta too my favorite creepypasta girl is Sally :3

I love playing dolls and dress up and all kinds of things!!! Hopefully there will be someone for me to play with!

This member comes with a warning!

While Sanrio is considered to be on the boycott, I've not found any concrete evidence as to why. Here is a video as to why it may not be, but please make your own decision for yourself on this one ^^

[syscultureis]

I've seen conflicting information, how are fictives supposed to feel about source if they are connected/have exomemories? like do i have to put in work to make sure I don't interact with our fictive’s sources? do i just have to be aware that person is not actually me i just formed bc of the connection or wtv the reason i formed? what do?

There's no real way fictives should feel honestly

I've got a lot of source memories I feel very connected too

I think as long as you've accepted you're not actually that person, and those memories didnt happen to the body then you're good

-Imp

[kyuapurinsu]

hi! i'm prince pudding flanington, and i use he/him! i'm an alter in the polychrome system, and i'm training to become a pretty cure! specifically, my pretty cure alter ego is cure prince.

bodily, we're 21, but i'm an ageslider. i usually end up around 18, but it really depends. my other headmates are for the most part supportive of my training, and i recognize the dangers that being a magical hero brings. i'm willing to fight for a good cause.

our system is very exomemory heavy, so i have memories of being cure prince before, though it seems locked behind something. my cards say it'll happen soon, i just need to put a lot of hard work into it!

i'm also a familiar, and am hoping that i can guide some other cures into their fullest potential. we've been practicing witchcraft off and on since we were little, so we have some experience. i hope you all join me on my adventure!

[cavityinmybrain]

being an alter whose role is no longer needed.

i'm not typically the writing type, however i've been dealing with some complex emotions recently as i've been fronting more. this is my attempt to sort through those emotions. very personal essay. hope anyone who reads this gets something out of it. -sadie

warnings for brief trauma/abuse mentions, depersonalization below the cut. please let me know if anything else needs to be tagged.

i am sadie, i'm a trauma holder/protector in the cavity. my role was to fight back against our abusers, i've been around since at least 6th grade. most of my times fronting were during active abuse situations.

since my discovery, i've been labeled "bitchy" and "mean", which i dont think was necessarily wrong to describe me at the time. looking back, i was only those things because it was still unsafe for us and i still had to be the protector.

now, we are in a safer environment. we don't deal with our abusers anymore, we exist in an environment with a support system, we have a dedicated space for ourself. all of this has made me start fronting more.

being in a safe environment where its not necessary for me to fight should be good, so why am i left feeling incomplete? i feel like half of a person who only knows how to fight and be angry.

self discovery is difficult and feels useless to me. i fear if i stop fighting that we wont be able to deal when we're faced with a traumatic event. i fear if i stop fighting that i'll forget how to. how do i find personhood outside of all i've ever known to do and feel? who am i without my job?

these are questions i can't yet answer, but i've been looking back to the time when i formed for some insight. we played sports and i remember those memories fondly (though i have exomemories of playing sports we never did). i remember the kind of music we listened to (lots of 2016 pop/rap and emo music, i definitely like the 2016 pop/rap more). i like physical exercise. i like dancing.

it's been helping enough, to have a new identifier for myself. i don't have to be sadie the bitchy one. i can be sadie the active one, i can be sadie the sporty one. i can be whatever i want from here on out. this sentiment is both terrifying and comforting.

this essay doesn't have a clean end to it. i'm still figuring myself out, and i don't think that's something that'll ever end. being a part who is newly able to focus on things other than survival isn't easy, but i am allowed to grow and change. i don't have to define myself through my role anymore. i get to choose now.

[euclydya]

Idk who's hanging out right now but 5, 13 & 23 all seem like interesting questions for the introject ask thing :3

5. What do you think of your source's fandom? - Oh lord that sooo depends on who's fronting HSHZJZJDDKSK

I personally think the fandom's great! Anti however Does Not. He doesn't hate the fandom but is instead kinda scared of em which! Makes sense! People can be Weird™ about fictives after all fjdjsjdk especially if yr a fictive of a fan favourite character like we are! -Mal

WE HAVEN'T TOUCHED THE GRAV.ITY FA.LLS FANDOM OR MUCH OF ANYTHING GF RELATED IN LITERAL YEARS SO IDK. I'M NOT TOO INTERESTED IN INTERACTING W THAT SHIT THOUGH. I GUESS IT'S FINE BUT ALSO I'VE SEEN THINGS AND LEMME TELL YOU: STOP SHIPPING ME WITH KIDS I'M 84 -BILL

13. Any funny exomemories? - None that come to mind! -Mal

I ONCE PUSHED DIPPER INTO A LAKE. DOES THAT COUNT AS FUNNY -BILL

23. Do you like engaging with your source/content about it? - Sometimes!! We're very nervous to get back into the j.se fandom tbh ówò;; which is where most of The Content™ is. We do watch source™ tho and while we don't appear Often we have watched videos compiling all our appearances thusfar and it's fun to see how we've like. Changed as a character over the years! -Mal

MAL enjoys that shit. I don't. Like... Stop perceiving me. -Anti

OH FUCK NO. NUH UH AND THE FACT THAT IT'S POPULAR RIGHT NOW IS DRIVING ME UP THE WALL STOP THAT -BILL

[quoigenicfromhell]

you've mentioned in a couple post that you don't like the term exomemory, if its not too intrusive, may I ask why?

Sure.

Generally, we don't use it because we find it others our memories too much. It's a useful tool when differentiating between body memories and not-body memories, but we find other ways of clarifying it.

Essentially, we don't like the fact that our host can say they have memories (because they grew up in this body and theirs is just regular memories) whereas the rest of us only get to have memories if they happen here. For most of us, our memories from elsewhere feel just as real as our memories here do.

And I guess for people like me, who come from our inner world planet, my life there is still ongoing. I still see my mom and dad and live in my hometown. Fronting is a very small part of my life. That's the case for everyone who has decided to live there.

I understand that it is technically a neutral descriptor, but when it is often interchangeable with a term like 'pseudomemory' (a term *explicitly* calling a memory fake) and often treated as less real or important than our host's memories just because they were the one that grew up in this body, it becomes distasteful for us to use in any circumstance where it isn't *strictly* necessary for clarification.

[funishment-time]

🎀This is also another thing because the element of fiction affecting reality from DRV3 always interested us because, and we're not joking here, Tsumugi Shirogane's cosplaying deal is what made us realize we're plural/have headmates ;^^.

Systems have a thing called "fictives" which are alters using the base personality/design/story/etc. of a fictional character to form. Some even have exomemories, or memories originating from their source material... apparently. We don't really get that so idk what it feels like.

Of course we don't expect that level of nuance from the game that made Korekiyo the "another serial killer system but somehow grosser this time" guy, but still. Honestly a lot of drv3's elements can sorta devolve into gross things, but it feels like the main narrative doesn't realize that also counts as fiction that can affect reality? Idk

thank you for sharing re: being plural! that's really Cool that it helped you. Danganronpa's helped me a lot too in a similar way (not plural, but it certainly changed my life for the positive). i appreciate the info too. i don't know much about Plural identities although i'm always trying to learn.

yeah, a lot of v3's message doesn't...fully pan out. sometimes i wonder if they didn't figure out what they wanted to say with the game until the Very End of writing/dev, because it feels haphazardly tacked on. you're yanked in like 9 different thematic directions before it settles

as an aside: i mean no erasure by this at all, not that intentions are a justification for anything, but...anyway, am i the only one who figured Kork was literally possessed? possession and ghosts are real in the DR Multiverse, so i thought...but ofc i may have missed a Detail between my tears for Tenko

[mystrchaos]

ⓘ Remember that you don’t have to use everything here. Remove or change whatever you want. Shoot us an ask if you want something else. Prompt was for any South Park fictive so I went Stan Marsh because he’s very problematic-coded imo. Sorry for the lack of info this was surprisingly hard.

◡◡ ﹒SOUTH PARK INTROJECT PACK

— names ; Axel , Cole , Corley , Marsh , Martyr , Reed , Reyes , Seth , Stanley

— pronouns ; He / Him (Genuinely couldn’t find any more, lmk if you want me to look further)

— genders ; Apathmascix , Boydogthing , Boyick , Pathetiboy , Unhingedloserfreak

— age ; Mentally 17

— roles ; Persecutor

— transids ; Transmisogynist , Transrapist , Transsexist , Transzoo

— paras ; Mother / Son Consang ( May be purely exomemories , I know it’s not a para but Im not gonna make a new category for one label ) , Canine Zoo , Necrozoo

— personality ; Apathetic , Edgy , Low Empathy