#volatility thereof

[illogarithmil]

Often I look at how Productive people are on here and get a bit distressed because I feel very ineffectual by comparison, so as a form of self-care I decided to go and list all my ongoing projects to remind myself that I'm *not* ineffectual, just sometimes inefficient.

Creative projects I presently have ongoing in addition to two seperate bits of academic/social research:

Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay 4th Ed campaign, monthly

Mongoose Traveller 2e campaign, monthlyish

Narrative Warhammer Fantasy Battles campaign using a unique campaign system which I designed and am playtesting for general release in the process

Reading a book every week for an entire year

Designing a massive modular homebrew RPG and low-fantasy setting for it that all my RPG friends and I will be able to play in for the rest of our lives once I'm out of uni and have time and energy to run campaigns again (*please ignore the above, they don't count because reasons*), including detailed climate maps, a table of fictional cultures presently 70 pages long and a setttinh map that'll be about two metres wide when completed

Reading every single product in the TTRPGS for Trans Rights in Florida bundle (link, by the way) - might do a review of the ones I like when I'm done, I'm getting close now!

Projects I want to start soon:

A third revision of my TTRPG Candlelight, designed for telling narrative fantasy stories the way I like to tell them. Probably too much of a heartbreaker to release to the public, but the second version is really good for what it is and just aching to be reworked based on what I've learned about game design in the last third of a year (mostly from the aforementioned bundle-reading)

Making a hack of Vampire: the Masquerade that makes it a sword and Sorcery RPG with Greek Epic tinges, because A) it would be funny and B) I actually think it would work shockingly well with minimal rules changes

Designing a lot of homebrew rules for Warhammer Fantasy: other human nations based on actual cool setting lore rather than the random stereotype mashup of Matthias Eliasson's Warhammer Armies Project and rules for raising armies in a way unique to each faction and for incorporating the strategic and operational level into your games

Projects I am actively preparing to start:

Second game of a FIST two-shot about hunting down psychic vampire demon summoning nazi occultist undead Northern Irish loyalist paramilitary child kidnappers and tarot card thieves

Vampire the Masquerade/Mage the Ascension two shot in which a group of vampiric elders make a huge fucking mess whilst trying to clear out some local anarchs and the Technocracy gets sent in to fix it.

Projects I technically am working on but are staring at me accusatorially at the moment as they perch on the edge of the abyss of forgetfulness:

Drawing a fairly complex encounter map of a coastal cove for use in some rpg or another some day

Designing a TTRPG about vikings and nominative determinism (it's called In Search of a Name, I've posted about it on here before a bit and I still really like it conceptually but it's maybe a bit narrow given I'm not actually a huge viking fan so I think the concepts might get cannibalised into other things)

Going through every trope on TVtropes to construct a fake TVtropes page for an old D&D game which I really loved (I had read half of all trope pages on TVtropes when I last updated it a month or so ago, over the course of about nine months)

Projects recently resurrected from that abyss and eager to regrow:

AYUG, a Skirmish wargame with cards I designed with some friends a couple of years back about battles between collections of weird philosophical devotees fighting for their beliefs in spaces that literally shift to represent those beliefs, featuring hypercapitalist fairies, an army of boltzmann brains and a faction whose major mechanic was probing socratic dialogue that made your opponent give up their beliefs and go home. We all loved this game, I wrote a load of lore for it and I have no idea why we stopped.

Memories of the Light, a system designed to port traveller-style lifepath mechanics into 20th Anniversary World of Darkness

The Dragons of Čachtice, a Vampire the Masquerade... supplement? I guess? about a tradition of ghouls linked to Erszebet Bathori (Elizabeth Bathory) who bathed in the blood of vampires to gain the powers of a ghoul without thr bond.

Would you look at that? I feel (marginally) less useless. My therapist will be so happy that I'm Challenging Negative Self-Talk™. Apologies if I've now become part of the problem that originally sent me down this road... moral of the story is, though, I guess that if you feel like you're not finishing anything it might just be that you're splitting your energies a lot, and that's fine and cool and good too and probably makes you a more interesting person - certainly more interesting to me!

And if you are just ultra-focussed and productive, please consider the impact your actions have on others and become horribly distractable instead /j <3

[lorephobic]

literally nobody asked for it, but here's my list of saltburn essays that i've slowly been drafting over the course of the last week which WILL be required reading for anybody trying to engage with me about this movie. my very personal saltburn 101 syllabus just dropped

A Wolf in Deer's Clothing: Saltburn's Attempt at Innocence

an examination of party costumes and our character's last attempts to masquerade as something they're not: felix—an angel, all-forgiving and all-knowing, something to be worshiped; and oliver—a prey animal, prey to class-divide, prey to saltburn, prey to felix.

thoughts about oliver specifically are loosely organized in my #bambi tag

A Midsummer Night's Mare: Farleigh Start as the Ultimate Victim of Saltburn

a farleigh character study, about the ways he was mistreated and manipulated at saltburn, about fighting to stay alive and the scars left behind by knowing when to give in

alternatively titled "QuickStart", may be adapted into a conclusive essay specifically focusing on oliver and farleigh's relationship

The Eye of the Beholder: On Saltburn's Voyeurism & Violence [working title]

how wealth and class pushes the catton's toward the volatile reality of being able to look, but not touch. on desire and the lack thereof, and portraying yourself as an object to be desired

may end up as two separate essays on wealth and aestheticism but i'm pushing toward a conclusive essay about the intersection of the two, which i feel is at the heart of saltburn

alternatively titled "Poor Man's Pudding: A Melvillian Approach to Saltburn's Class", again, may be adapted into it's own essay

Gender-Fluid: A Study in Sexuality and Saltburn's Desire to be Dry

a deep dive into the bodily fluids of saltburn and how oliver upsets the standard of men who are just so lovely and dry. on the creative choice to lean into the messy wetness of sex and desire and the audience's instinct toward repulsion

a celebration of the grotesque and an examination of why we would label it as such

least developed of the four, heavily inspired by @charnelpit's lovely post about the fluids in saltburn

if anybody is actually interested in any of these, i can work toward something closer to a finished piece instead of just bullet points and quotes in a google doc, but mostly this is so i can share my very brief takes on a multitude of themes in saltburn that have been haunting me

edit for people seeing this in the future: all posts about my essays are being organized into my #saltburn 101 tag if you’re interested in following these through to development!

[bird-inacage]

Only Friends: Can Ray be Redeemed? Is Sand the Solution?

I know Ray has upset a lot of people in Episode 8. I do find it really fascinating how quickly the tide has turned on him, especially when you compare his actions to those of our villains of the first arc: Boston and Top. Perhaps I'm in the minority, but I still choose to believe that Ray does care. He's hugely misguided but not heartless.

Let me firstly preface that none of what I'm about to say excuses Ray's behaviour but is an attempt to unpack why I still hold hope.

A child lost with no anchor

Ray is emotionally immature (which as cliché as it sounds, is a direct product of his upbringing - or lack thereof). He largely operates on basic needs, as a child would: 'I want. I need'. It's all based on serving the self. He seems wildly incapable of thinking very far beyond that. Like a child, he can barely take care of himself, let alone anyone else. He's pretty helpless on his own in a lot of respects. Most people grow out of this. Through knocks and hardship, we learn the world doesn't revolve around us and how to equip ourselves with healthy and appropriate means to navigate through life. Ray however, still seems to be stuck in his infantile box.

I often joke that Ray is a bit feral, but there is some truth to that. Ray's been left to his own devices for the majority of his life. So it's no surprise he's developed this 'me against the world' attitude which is volatile and defensive, but ultimately keeps him caged in said box.

These traits are abundantly apparent in his relationship with Mew. Ray is the vehicle for Mew's self-destruction, but all he sees is the exhilaration of having a 'partner in crime', someone to be in 'cahoots with'. Like a pair of naughty school kids getting into mischief, rather than an adult partnership. Ray is all about immediate gratification over long term fulfilment because (as children do), they don't possess the wisdom and experience to think ahead. Ray seems unable to grasp repercussions or consequences in his decision making. It's always act first, think second.

To put it simply, Ray hasn't been taught boundaries and how to respect them. He just gets criticised for crossing them which doesn’t help him learn. No one has had the patience to teach him why and how. To guide, to steer, to direct, to mentor. To educate rather than scold. Prevention rather than cure. As a result, everyone around Ray serves to clean up his messes rather than equip him with the ability to not create them in the first place. He falls into patterns of behaviour that no one has seriously attempted to break which has only amplified with adulthood. The longer those habits prevail, the harder they are to change.

Does Ray harbour ill-will or bad intent?

Is Ray the worst? In my opinion, no. (Not yet anyway - I might eat my words later, who knows). I've said this somewhere before but intent makes all the difference when judging someone's actions. Choosing to actively cause harm whilst being fully conscious of the impact versus triggering damage to occur as a symptom of your behaviour is vastly different. This is where Ray and Boston differ. Boston acts without remorse, he purposely and calculatingly makes choices that will cause the maximum degree of suffering. Whereas Ray's a loose cannon. He leaves a trail of destruction where he goes, due to a lack of control and means to channel how he feels in a constructive manner. Boston's victims are targets, whereas Ray's victims are collateral.

I don't think Ray means to purposely hurt or harm the people he cares about. Because in doing so, he'll push them away - which is precisely what he doesn't want. (Though saying that, Ray doesn't seem to give as much of a damn if it's people he isn't invested in, such as Top). Ray's world consists of what Ray needs. It's not that he doesn't care about a single person besides himself, he's just so wrapped up in his own needs to even gauge the bigger picture.

When others do point out to Ray that he's hurt them, he does tend to look guilty and taken aback, as if he's thinking, 'But I didn't know. No one told me. I had no idea my actions would cause you to be upset'. Painful levels of ignorance. But I also see a huge amount of internalised frustration. 'But why? Why didn't anyone explain this to me? How was I to know?'

Ray is capable of showing remorse, of displaying guilt. He's not cold-blooded. Anyone who can demonstrate compassion is capable of redemption. Ray is seen to be genuinely appreciative and grateful when people are good to him. He's fiercely protective over people he cares about. Ray was also willing to jump in when Sand gets a call from his mum being in trouble.

One thing I do have to stress is the difference in Ray's demeanour when he's severely drunk/high versus when he's sober. His addiction tends to amplify his most primal desires, his most 'childlike' traits. The uglier sides of Ray presented in their worst light, set to maximum. The raging tantrums, the absurd and unpredictable demands, an explosive and dangerous impulsiveness. People often refer to addiction as a form of sickness, which is worth noting when the person under scrutiny is effectively not well.

Learning by Example

Now let's talk about the huge importance of Sand in this equation.

Let me be clear - it's not Sand's responsibility to teach Ray how to grow up or behave more like a functioning adult. It's neither his duty to be a stand-in parent or caretaker. The unfortunate truth is that Ray doesn't have anyone in his life who plays that role. Who is the voice of reason. To keep him on the straight and narrow. In order to actually incite change, Ray needs to be receptive to whoever is trying to help him. We've seen he doesn't respond particularly well to the majority of people in his life. He's defensive with his father, his friends, deflective and pandering with Mew. The only person he's seen to show any signs of actually listening to and registering is Sand.

Whilst it's not fair on Sand, he might be the only person who has any real chance of encouraging healthy and positive growth in Ray. Because Sand loves Ray, he genuinely wants to see improvement for Ray's own good. I don't think it's a coincidence that we tend to see Ray's more endearing side when he's with Sand. His childlike qualities take on a sweeter, more harmless, playful tone.

He needs someone with an almost parental level of unconditional love to not give up on him, where others have thrown in the towel. Ray's character is essentially a personified cry for help. His mother was unable to cope. His father seems chronically exasperated and far too busy to actually be present. His friends have always seen him as bothersome and too much of a handful.

I personally don't want to write Ray off as a lost cause. Ironically, Sand may be the saviour he didn't ask for, but the one he really needs. Someone who can save him from himself.

[gendergenius]

hiiii i'm ebegging again :/

^ kitty for engagement

so instead of a $300 deposit like we had been under the impression of, we need to pay $700 dollars if we want to move in (not including that month's rent)

it is extremely important to me that we can move out soon. we are currently living with an extremely volatile and abusive roommate who flies off the handle at the slightest provocation or even lack thereof. it is to the point where i am drinking every night to cope. i have had to talk my boyfriend down from suicide multiple times due to their treatment of him. we feel trapped in our own home.

that said, im totally aware that most of us are in a rough place financially, so if you're already struggling with money, this post ain't for ya. reblog if you feel so inclined, but take care of yourself first

here are my links:

c*shapp

v*nmo

p*ypal

don't tag as anything please!

^ kitty for engagament

[mulderscully]

spike’s soul & his place as buffy’s shadow

sometimes i feel like everything that can be said about soul lore/discourse has already been said but sometimes i read some soul takes that are SO far from how i see souls and vampirism on btvs that i just need to talk about it.

i don't really care if people agree or disagree with me here. i just want to share how i have always seen it, especially in terms of spike bc he’s my rotten soldier etc. it would get too long if i brought angel into it too much, but i do have to mention him. HOWEVER, this isn’t an angel vs. spike or bangel vs. spuffy conversation.

so first off, i think as the show went on the soul lore did change from a writing stand point but from an in universe pov i think the idea that when you get turned you die and your entire soul is ripped out is just so plain wrong.

the way i have always read it is more like: you die and a demon possesses your body, but leaves just enough of your soul in there for you to still be you to some degree. because otherwise all vampires would have the same personality etc and they don't.

you, or the essence of you, is still there but it is suppressed by a demon most of the time. in other terms, you are driving your car but there is someone stronger than you holding your hands and controlling where you go and what you do. it's still your car, you are still technically driving but how much of it is you and how much of it is someone controlling you? if you run someone over, who's fault is it in this scenario? that’s something much more horrific to think about than the black and white, “it’s not you.” version of being soulless imo.

[more under the cut, this got long]

now, why do i see it like this? spike. literally just spike because he straight up tells buffy how it feels to be soulless vs ensouled in 7x02. he is rambling and not making much sense unless you really pay attention and pick what he is trying to say apart.

"angel- he should've warned me. he makes a good show of forgetting, but it's here, in me, all the time. the spark." 

i’ve always read this line as saying that the spark/soul is always there. it’s not ripped out entirely. and when you get the rest of your soul back- your empathy, your moral compass (or lack thereof!) - you can become stronger than the demon that possessed you and used your body to do things you would never do otherwise.

an argument i have seen a few times is that spike is the same person before and after he gets his soul back. william is spike, spike is william - and i just do not think it’s that simple. to say that it is kind of insulting to his journey imo. i genuinely think spike is unique and different to other vampires, and this is something the comics do address. spike is different because was he was capable of changing, when being a vampire is about stagnancy. spike was capable of change because that is what he represents to buffy.

buffy has two vampire lovers. one at the beginning of her journey and one at the end. 

to me, angel represents the life she could have had if she had never been a slayer. angel is all her teenage hopes and dreams that she can never have, which is why he can never be with her and can never change without losing his soul because buffy can never be just a regular teenage girl. angel is a stagnant person in buffy’s life because that part of her life is stagnant, she will always be the slayer, she cannot change that just like angel cannot be happy with her without losing his soul. their relationship just cannot move forward.

now, spike is buffy’s shadow. spike, as a character, is part of buffy. spike represents all of the things buffy hates about herself. she and spike are very similar people, and when she looks at spike and recognizes part of herself in him, it disgusts her. figurately this is about how buffy is struggling to be the slayer. to be good. to be a hero. and these struggles progressively get harder and harder which is why her relationship with spike grows more volatile as the show progresses into season six.

season five is when buffy really, truly starts to struggle and this is also the season that spike realizes he is in love with her. this love is obsessive. it’s possessive. it’s unhealthy. because he doesn’t have a soul, yes! but also because it represents how desperately buffy is trying to keep loving herself, to keep being the slayer. this is also where buffybot comes in for me, how buffy is trying so hard but it’s not real. her mother is dying, then she does die, and she has to start pretending that she’s okay, she still loves her friends and loves life but it is getting harder and her love for life and strength to carry on is waning and becoming more and more artificial. robotic, you could say.

but from spike’s perspective, i have always thought that the reason his love presents itself the way it does is because william is such a good person that he could sometimes override the demon possessing him, and this is elevated by the chip suppressing the demon to an extent and allowing his true feelings to surface. but since there IS a demon possessing him, he is desperate to prove that he really does love her and it comes out sideways because his moral compass is being suppressed. this is something the comics also address: 

“there was always good in you, spike. so strong it didn’t need a soul to come out.”

think about angel. he literally could not love buffy when he didn’t have a soul. because he is fundamentally a bad person so when he is soulless he cannot override the monster, because he doesn’t WANT TO. this is textual!

from 3x10: 

“it told me to kill you. you were in the dream. it told me to lose my soul in you and become a monster again. [....] i wanted to! i want you so badly! i want to take comfort in you, and i know it'll cost me my soul and a part of me doesn't care. look, I'm weak. i've never been anything else. it's not the demon in me that needs killing, buffy. it's the man.”

this isn’t to say angel is a piece of shit garbage man who i detest. he just represents everything buffy can never have and HAS to let go of in order to be the slayer. angel can be good, his version of good, with the right people - but in buffy’s story that isn’t what he is. 

whereas spike represents the things about herself that she HAS to accept to fulfill her destiny and to be in complete alignment with herself. everyone has darkness in them, and when you make peace with that darkness you can use it for good. which is where spike getting his soul back stems from.

season six is a controversial season, and some of those reasons are very warranted, but i also think it’s the most important season for buffy. buffy has lost all will to live. she is suicidal, she is FULL of self loathing and she feels dead inside. she gravitates to spike because he is as dead inside as she feels she is. but also because he is the only person who she can show her own darkness to and there is a relief in that but she hates that. which is why she pushes him away. the most obvious example of this is in 6x13, when she accidentally kills a girl and wants to turn herself in. she killed a person so the morally “correct” thing would be to go to the police. but as spike says, how many people has she saved? and if she goes to jail, how many more people will die because she isn’t out there being the slayer? that scene isn’t her fighting spike, that’s her fighting HERSELF.

i am of the mind that buffy did fall in love with spike in season six. i think that relationship, as toxic as it was, is what kept her from completely spinning out of control (as we see in once more with feeling) but as much as she loved spike, as much as she wanted him, she could not connect to him and as much as spike loved buffy, as much as he would’ve already died for her - he could never have free will without his soul. he could never fully trust himself or his feelings with the demon still there. because they’re BOTH THERE.

spike getting his soul back serves multiple purposes. it proves that he DID love her without his soul, because he went to hell and back for it. it also is about him having free will and control over himself and his body - but most importantly it is about buffy and how she is beginning to find the will to live again, she is FEELING again. 

from 6x22

“things have really sucked lately, but it's all gonna change. and i wanna be there when it does. i want to see my friends happy again. and I want to see you [dawn] grow up. the woman you're gonna become. because she's gonna be beautiful. and she’s gonna be powerful. i got it so wrong. i don’t want to protect you from the world, i want to show it to you. there’s so much i want to show you.”

and then LITERALLY the next scene is spike getting his soul slammed back into his body. buffy learning to love herself, learning to love life again is directly tied to spike’s soul because spike’s place in her life is about change and coming into power. the good and the bad and how they often overlap.

so is spike the same person in season seven (and onwards) as he was before? no. and yes. and that’s what makes him so interesting. i’ve seen people say spike doesn’t go back to calling himself william as a point that he didn’t change after 6x22, but he DOES - “william is a bad man.” 

but what i have always enjoyed about spike is his ability to come to terms with himself and his past and make amends. he comes to terms with the fact that a demon was controlling him - not through buffy, but through wood and his memories of his mother. once he breaks the first’s brainwashing, he is able to finally see and accept what buffy was saying in 7x09 when she said it wasn’t his fault. but that doesn’t mean he isn’t accountable, that doesn’t mean he throws away who he has been forced to be for a century. he is still william - he always was, but he accepts that he is spike too. he has all the memories of all the things he was forced to do, but instead of letting them stop him from being good he makes peace with it as much as he can and moves forward.

buffy being able to love spike in season seven is about her being able to love herself. it’s about accepting every part of herself, even the parts she once hated or was ashamed of. so when she tells spike she loves him in the finale, as their joined hands burst into flames, her journey as the slayer is complete. she loves her own darkness, she has the fire back. 

that’s what their entire relationship is about. it’s about change. it’s about learning to love your shadow. so to say spike didn’t change after getting his soul back, to me, is a complete misread of spike and his relationship with buffy.

[jynxeddraca]

Scent of Undeath in BG3

So while playing Baldur's Gate 3, one of the banter dialogues you can get is between Shadowheart and Astarion about the smell of undeath. The interaction basically ends up with her pointing out that Astarion doesn't really have much of an odor and Astarion retorts his 'whiff' is very faint and easily covered by what I'm assuming is a cologne that he wears. Later, when about to walk into a vampire den, Astarion comments that they can be "organic" and everyone should brace their noses.

And it got me thinking. What would undeath smell like? Which the obvious answer is like a corpse, which led me to wonder what a dead body smells like. Here's a breakdown that I found [link to source]:

Hydrogen sulfide:  A colorless, flammable, toxic gas that has the smell of rotten eggs.

Cadaverine:  An organic compound that smells like rotting flesh.

Putrescine: Like Cadaverine, Putrescine is an organic compound with an intensely putrid, nauseating strong smell of rotting flesh. Some scientific studies have even considered the smell a “fight or flight” trigger.

Skatole (3-methylindole): Skatole has an interesting molecular composition and story. This crystalline organic compound is directly derived from the feces of mammals and birds. In high concentrations, it is a strong, earthy, fecal odor. At low concentrations, the scent is pleasantly sweet and flowery.

Indole: A compound with a strong sewage odor, produced by the breakdown of proteins in dead bodies. Indole has a musty, fecal, and flowery scent, similar to Skatole.

Dimethyl disulfide: A known volatile organic compound and decomposition byproduct known to attract blowflies. Has a garlic-like scent.

Dimethyl trisulfide: Dimethyl trisulfide has a similar molecular structure as dimethyl disulfide and is partially responsible for attracting blowflies as a decomposition byproduct. Also has a garlic-like scent.

Methyl mercaptan: A byproduct that is released during the early stages of a protein breakdown and has a strong distinctive rotten cabbage or egg smell. Methyl mercaptan undergoes a chemical reaction that oxidizes it into dimethyl disulfide. Bleach also deoxidizes methyl mercaptan into dimethyl disulfide, which is why the use of bleach is ill-advised.

Trimethylamine: A fishy-smelling gas that may also resemble the scent of ammonia. It is also responsible for bad breath and some human infections, including bacterial vaginosis.

There's plenty to choose from, but I feel being undead the natural scent isn't as cut and dry as 'you smell like a corpse'. For a zombie, I would imagine of course the smell of rotting meat, but could also lean towards fishy, fecal, flowery, and/or garlicky probably based on how far gone their bodies are. But they're also walking, rotting corpses so - low hanging fruit.

Vampires on the other hand would be much harder to decide. Methyl mercaptan, which is an early chemical, smell like rotten cabbage/eggs - but I feel like for a vampire that has to get close to someone that this wouldn't be a smell easily covered by cologne and would put off people more often than not. Putrescene probably woud be too strong as well and apparently triggers fight-or-flight responses.

I'm going to lean towards vampires having either a garlicky, musty, sweet, or flowery smell (or some combination thereof) that is reasonably faint when they are well fed and stronger if they are not. I could imagine a vampire that does without for extended periods of time probably does start to develop more of the unpleasant odors going from just 'musty' to 'fecal matter and rotting meat' odors.

Since Cazador is known to only give them enough blood to "live", lock them in tombs for a year at a pop, or in kennels for however long, and Cazador was impaled for 10 years himself as a spawn - makes sense that a vampire den could be very unpleasant to the nose.

Last thought: If you romance The Emperor, the narrator mentions his breath smells of vanilla and garlic. Vanilla is a floral-y smell, that and garlic are both smells that can come from a dead body. Mind flayers eat brains, I'm now wondering if this is a nod to them basically having "death" on their breath.

[inversionimpulse]

Lately I've gotten attached to the idea of Kasen resurrecting Yoshika as an oni using the Ibaraki Box. When you ship a character who is an undead slave and a character who has a magic healing artifact, it seems like a natural idea to have.

As I imagine it, it is not a happily ever after, however. Yoshika, awakening from a thousand-year fugue of being unable to string two thoughts together, finds herself completely changed, physically and mentally. Reflexively aggressive, angry by nature, disposed against the quiet contemplation and deep thought of scholarliness and poetry that she had long defined herself by. In an unfamilar body.

But maybe, she fears, neither the body nor the mind are even really hers anyway. Too much of her body, mind, and soul had long since rotted away to nothing. There wasn't really much left to fix. To make a living thing as complete as the new Yoshika, the Ibaraki Box can only have invented new material from no blueprint, or stretched what was left of the old blueprint farther than it was ever meant to go.

In the misery of this dysmorphia, Yoshika begins to resent Kasen for saving her. It would have been better to die, she thinks, than live like this. Eventually she can't help but lash out. In the end they separate. Yoshika flees into the underground.

(There's probably a happy ending in there somewhere, if only because Kasen's fellow Sages (especially Yukari) and fellow Devas (Especially Suika) are quite incapable of letting sleeping dogs lie and moreover care about Kasen's happiness - and eventually that much meddling might hit an integer underflow error and become a positive effect)

But for now, Yuugi tries to care for her almost-daughter-in-law/the newest of her people to fall under her aegis, but from the distance that Yoshika keeps her at, there's not much she can do. Yoshika - now (or again) named Kotomichi, having abandoned the name she took up as successful courtier - lives like the stereotypical romantic poet or tortured artist. Spending too much time on creative endeavours that she hates. Isolated in an apartment that she allows to crumble around her ears. Eating too little. Drinking too much. Destroying her body with a million different drugs and facsimiles thereof, volatile enough to smash an oni.

Yoshika - Kotomichi - lives, barely, in the depths of Old Hell among the other dead-enders, desperately trying anything to obliterate herself rather than walk the endless desert of her new life.

Kasen stays cloistered in the mountains and keeps pursuing the Way that Yoshika put her on, pretending to anyone she sees that she isn't so hearbroken she feels like dying. That she isn't still dreaming of attaining Heaven side-by-side with the woman she loves.

Except if I ever do anything with this I'm going to need to redesign at least the head because while I was working on this Chiyari Tenkajin happened and she looks way too much like that goddamnit

that first outfit at the very least is staying though I'm really proud of that one

[stitcherton]

I'm experimenting with using wood stain on my embroidery hoops to give them a more high quality look and feel. Was inspired by this article on craftingcheerfully.com.

This turned out a lot better than I expected it to. Instead of the gel stains the author recommends, I used oil stains.

Prepared the hoop by removing the screw and covering up the metal bits with some masking tape. After that I roughed it up with some sandpaper (I used 80 grit, but I'd probably recommend 100 or higher for a more even colouring) and cleaned off all the dust.

Then I applied a coat of varathane pre-stain wood conditioner, let it sit for 30 minutes as suggested and then applied 4 coats of varathane oil-based stain in the Ebony colour.

I let that dry overnight and then applied a coat of varathane's oil-based polyurethane coating.

All told, for my first time ever working with wood stains, it didn't go terribly. Definitely do all of this outside or in an otherwise very well ventilated area and be careful because all of these steps involve working with highly flammable volatile organic solvents or solutions thereof.

I'll definitely keep experimenting with this. Would love to hear about anyone's experiences working with wood stains either for embroidery or otherwise.

[disney-is-mylife]

List the Disney princess couples(except Ariel and Eric) who would be best parents and why.

Honestly, upon thinking about it (and consulting with my fiance lol), I have settled on three Disney Princess couples who'd be the best parents:

Belle/Adam

Tiana/Naveen

Kristoff/Anna

Belle and Adam are both intelligent, compassionate, and well-rounded people. Adam would teach his sons about positive masculinity, how to manage their more volatile emotions (and how it's important to TALK about those feelings), and true chivalry towards others. Belle would of course instill a love of reading and learning in her children, with an emphasis on seeing beauty within a person's soul (or lack thereof), and how to set boundaries. Their kids will know the definition of compassion and integrity, and are basically half-adopted by Mrs. Potts who always has snacks ready in the kitchen.

Tiana is a straight-up BAMF and Naveen would drink his Respect Women Juice every morning and their kids would see that. Their sons would learn how to treat a lady right (with maaaaaaaybe a few pick-up lines once they're old enough -- Naveen can't resist), while also learn "feminine" chores and fall in love with cuisine and jazz; their daughters would learn construction work and management and pursue the arts, and know how to set their boundaries. These are kids who will grow up knowing how to be BAMF hardworking people in their own rite, but also acknowledge when they make mistakes and apologize and learn. (And all of them know how to "cut a rug" because Naveen would rather die than have children with two left feet!)

Though Anna has her baggage, she'd do her damndest not to repeat her parents' mistakes, and Kristoff would be her rock to support her decisions, while also gently calming her down when Parental Paranoia would sometimes get in the way. They'd be open and communicative with their children, and their kids would ALWAYS trust them with their problems, no matter how big or small. They'd be clumsy, but loving parents, and their kids would be loud, rowdy, and excitable like their mother, with a fascination towards the outdoors like their father.

~~~

Honorable Mention:

Though I have no idea how she'd co-parent with her prince, Snow White would be an AMAZING mother. That is all.

[carefreemonk]

aimlessarchery sent: "How're you holding up, stud?" Python slides an arm across Azama's shoulder as he speaks. The gesture attempts to remain casual as usual, but it fights to remain so—lighter with the weakness that comes with two weeks of famine, heavier with the weight of lives recently lost and the desire to not lose any more. "You picked an interesting time to lean into the whole asceticism schtick. It looks like it'll only get harder from here on out." Azama's sacrifice and Python's lack thereof both hang in the air. Keranes and Celephais's offer looms over it all. Python swats it all aside with a flick of the wrist. "If you start feeling swoony, I might not be close enough to catch you. Best to take it slow and steady, yeah?"

Azama is quiet for a long moment, time enough to wonder if the man were perhaps asleep sitting up. All the same, he leans subconsciously into touch, hums as a cat might purr at its owner's loving caress, and finally, he cracks one starry eye open.

"As good a time as any. No better time, I might wager."

Fingers steeple together in his lap.

"It isn't new to me. That doesn't mean it is easy, of course."

Hunger can be such a volatile force. It also sometimes brings a certain clarity with it, however, as one strives to detach mind from body. . .

Delthea's startle during the meeting surfaces unbidden. Unwelcome.

A pause. Azama hums, but this time the sound carries a lilt of uncertainty - of uncharacteristic hesitation as he ponders a peculiar train of thought.

Never mind. It's not that important.

"I don't blame you, you know. Self-sacrificial fools ought not be venerated. And!" So as to not mire them in the present, "It's like to be your fault if I start feeling swoony, you know! So I hope you take responsibility. Hmph!"

[pclyglct]

[ jenny boyd | she/her ] Another face is seeking safety in New Orleans. Make sure to welcome ELIZABETH “LIZZIE” SALTZMAN to the home of the resilient. Rumor has it that they are an 19/21 year old HERETIC, who is one of the SACRIFICED but we’ll keep that a secret. They are said to be VOLATILE, but that’s all a façade to cover up their STRONG WILLED nature. We’ve heard that they can be found listening to BRUTAL by OLIVIA RODRIGO, which sums them up pretty well. Let’s hope that they can find a way to survive this harsh new world.

hello! I'm S, and I'm happy to be here! a lil disclaimer first: I've watched all of Legacies, but I'm on s2 of TO (slooow progress), and s5 of TVD (no intention to finish), so wiki will be my source for kai/gemini/etc specifics not discussed in legacies!

name: elizabeth "lizzie" saltzman

age: turned at 19, currently 21

gender: cis woman (she/her)

hometown: mystic falls

current residence: new orleans

species: heretic (vampire/siphoner hybrid)

sexuality: bisexual (w/a preference for men)

positives: authentic, passionate, daring, strong willed, empathetic

negatives: selfish, volatile, impulsive, insecure, envious

house: slytherin

alignment: chaotic good

post-canon

lizzie's canon life is pretty much the same, and can be found here!

come the end of legacies, lizzie remained with the salvatore school, helping her mother and her friends rebuild and welcome the new class

in the year following, as the OEA rose in prominence and threatened the school, lizzie still committed to the school's cause regardless, keen on not running away over a hopefully insignificant threat

unfortunately for her, the threat wasn't insignificant, and her dedication to the cause is what led to her sacrifice

she took a solo recruiting mission to visit a supposed troubled young witch in need of safe haven. it was supposed to be a low stakes endeavor, not even worthy of a proper day trip. in reality, the "troubled young witch" was working for the OEA, and what was meant to be a good Samaritan mission led to lizzie being captured, sacrificed, and trapped in the prison world

she was in there for 3 years, absolutely livid at the turn of events. the karma of the situation (or lack thereof because she was trying to be good and not run away and deal with things head on and take initiative and spread warmth and community and all that kumbaya nonsense) has led to some setbacks in her own personal growth, ngl, but she's working on that since her return

also worth noting that her time away has left her feeling just awful in general. prior to her sacrifice, she was just starting to embark on a journey of figuring out a future for her self, now that she was finally in a position of having one with the merge out of the question. but then the OEA became a thing causing trouble, and she was thrown into a prison world just as things started seriously changing in the real world. being trapped for so long stifled her and her growth, and she's come back to a world different than the one she left, all the people she's loved moved onto various different stages in their lives over the 3 years, and she hates that.

anyways, she's only just recently finally made her way to new orleans after her release, and she's got a lot of resentment at the OEA for her imprisonment, while also dealing with a lot of self-esteem issues stemming from a profound sense of aimlessness. she's doing her best to reorient herself to this new reality

relationships.

parents: alaric saltzman (daddy issues), jo laughlin (bio mom), caroline forbes (mamma's girl)

siblings: josie saltzman (twin sister)

extended family: elena gilbert & damon salvatore (aunt & uncle), stefan salvatore (ex-step dad? / uncle), bonnie bennet (aunt)

past romantic relationships: rafael waithe (ex-fling), sebastian (ex-boyfriend), ethan (crush/dated), jen (ex-fling), mg (ex-boyfriend).

more dynamics: hope mikaelson (ex-sire bond/frenemies), landon kirby (hobbit), penelope park (frenemy), auora (unlikely ally), kaleb/jed/cleo/wade (super squad)

wanted.

trapped together: lizzie spent 3 years in a prison world, she was bound to make all kinds of relationships with the people she was trapped with, and I want them all. friends in the prison world, roommates/neighbors, hookups, relationships, enemies, unlikely friends (!!!), people she worked with during her many (failed) attempts to escape, etc. and all of the above!

vampire mentor. the s2 stefan to her caroline. ideally, this is someone who was in the prison world with her. I imagine that in the year after legacies but before lizzie got trapped, she had started making decent headway into her vampirism with mg, but after getting trapped, I can def see her making it her mission to get through honing her skills totally, if only to help her get through the endless sameness of the days

baby vamps. similar to the above, except instead of a mentor, this was someone who was new to the vampire world with her, and they explored the ins and outs of vampirism together. also ideally in the prison world, likely to be a WC.

crush (m): lizzie is prone to superficial crushes, pure eye candy. it's a great distraction for her, something to pour her energy into easily, and easy is exactly what's she's looking for after being gone for so long. if anything real actually comes from it is something we can plot, but for now, this would just be someone easy on the eyes

crush (f): I hc that lizzie realized she was bi after spending time with the god Jen in s4. since this realization, she's leaned pretty hard into the exploring that part of herself loud and proud and open about it (likely to overcompensate for how out of her field/new being with women is for her), so she probs also has a fem crush too. she's likely to resemble more of her s1 rafael-era flirtation (re: awkward & rambly) with women than her smoother s3/4 semi-confidence.

fwb/fuck buddy: lizzie has got a lot of pent up frustration over her years away, and this person helps her release that. could be friendly arrangement between two peers, or just a fuck buddy who is only contacted when she's got an itch to scratch. this person, regardless of the their relationship to her, likely also is prone to hear lizzie vent her frustrations before/after (and possibly even during) sex because bb's a talker!

living situation. I imagine since her return and coming to new orleans, she's probably living with a family member (her mom most likely, maybe her sister), which is fine, but she'll eventually want to move out into her own space (she was on an independence journey away from her normal familial crutches before being trapped, after all), so potential roommates and neighbors would be fun plots.

friends. and of course, all the friends! lizzie is an extrovert who has a very hard time being alone, so she of course likes to build a community of people she can go to for all the things. shopping friends. foodie friends. gossip friends. unlikely friends. confidants. OEA revenge buddies. accountability buddies.

frenemies. and with friends, comes enemies, which lizzie is prone to making.

everything above are just suggestions off the top of my head; I'm rlly open to any and all plots for my girl lizzie! if you'd like to plot, you can reach out to me here or on discord (blodxreina)!

[bitimdrake]

I was wondering if you could also argue if the cold and uncaring Jason we see in the Lost Days could also be only a temporary side effect. iirc Jason goes on a whole speech about how if their positions were reversed Jason would have stopped at nothing to avenge Bruce. That doesn’t sound to me like someone who doesn’t have empathy or compassion, and it sounds to me like he still on some level cares about Bruce. He also doesn’t seem interested in killing him anymore, either. Idk if this is a valid interpretation but I personally think that if Jason was cold and lacked compassion because of the pit it could have worn off by the time UtRH starts and his actions from then on are due to trauma.

okay back around to the inbox.

First thing that I'll repeat just for the record (and anyone reading) is that what parts of Jason's behavior/personality change, if any, are due to the pit vs trauma is completely up for interpretation.

There are many valid interpretations there, and it's really just headcanon at that point. But, practically speaking, I think the difference doesn't truly matter. If the pit is influencing him, it doesn't have an off switch, it's not some second personality or sudden mood swing; it's just a new part of his personality. Whether the pit or trauma, it comes to the same.

That said, my vibe on whether it wore off at the end of Lost Days would actually be...largely the opposite?

Lacking empathy or compassion isn't the same as not caring about anything (and definitely isn't the same as not having strong emotions). I think Jason can absolutely be cold and compassionless, and still have intense feelings towards Bruce, including the pain of loving his dad.

But more than that, I would honestly argue that Lost Days Jason is the most empathetic [post-crisis] Jason gets after his resurrection, and it only goes down from there. imo his coldness and compassion or lack thereof are easiest seen in the way he interacts with the random background characters of the world, not how he interacts in his relationship with Bruce--the closest and more volatile relationship he has.

Like, Lost Days sees Jason not just killing traffickers, but also going out of his way to save the kids they imprisoned. It sees him stopping a terrorist attack in London just because he's there. More violently and with far less remorse than he would have as Robin, absolutely--but still going out of his way to do a good thing for others that he didn't have to do.

But even by the final issue, Jason is letting the Joker go because he realized he doesn't care about the world, not compared to his own catharsis. When we get to Under the Hood, he tells the gangs he takes over not to deal to kids...but that's pretty much it for putting any good into the world. Otherwise Jason is just killing people he deems bad enough, and profiting off the gang activity he allows to continue (including drugs, racketeering, prostitution, etc).

His final goal to confront Bruce is very personal and very emotional, but he really doesn't seem to care about any collateral damage along the way. (And in here is also when he beats up Tim for his own reasons.)

After that his characterization is very scattered [conclusions at the end] but--

(He provides some helpful information in Outsiders. He sort reaches out to Dick in Nightwing...but does so by framing Nightwing for murder, with zero pause shown over the people he bloodily kills along the way. He doesn't hurt Mia when he kidnaps her in Green Arrow, but he still, yknow, kidnaps her, and kills various henchmen and underlings along the way. He has a weird side adventure with Donna and Kyle in Countdown, where DC plays around with his being an ass but not an antagonist.

And then he ignites gang tensions so he can use the "kiddie gangs" to pick each other off. He sorta reaches out to Tim to work together, and then shoots at him when he refuses. He's perfectly calm when Tim breaks him out of jail and lets him into the cave, and then goes off the deep end, kills dozens of petty criminals, and tries to murder all three of his brothers.

He keeps killing and threatens to expose Dick and Damian's identities. He gets arrested again and this time breaks out by putting poison in the food that kills almost a hundred inmates at random, with zero way he could possibly have known who would die. He recruits a traumatized young victim of Professor Pig to essentially be his new sidekick, but also seems to kinda care for her in his own way.

It's a lot, and it's messy, and the writers really should have been more coherent. Certainly the Doylist explanation for the slip into worse behavior is a series of writers who preferred to use him as a villain.)

But trying to force it into some form of sense, my take is this:

Jason never stopped caring about the people he cared about before he died. He still loves Bruce. He still feels something positive, if more complicated, towards Dick. He still cares, in the abstract, about kids in general. He can form new connections, like Scarlett, if extremely rarely. But it's muted. He prioritizes his own desires over his loved ones' feelings or comfort or even safety. He doesn't flinch at hurting them anyway, if it gets what he wants.

And with the people outside that--the majority of the world--who are not personally important to him...he feels basically nothing. This is where his lack of compassion is most pronounced: the people he has no hesitation in hurting or killing, even if they're nothing but collateral damage to his ends.

And that gets worse the longer things go on. He cares more about the world at the beginning of Lost Days than he does at the end. He's already a bad guy in Under the Hood, but even then he still has some shreds more care for Gotham that he will in Battle for the Cowl or Batman and Robin.

He feels very strongly! He is, in fact, entirely motivated by his strong emotions, sometimes to the point of constructing a thin moral veneer around then to try to sway his old family. But that's separate, it turns out, from actually caring about others.

[astarionfreak]

What if my OC met your OC and trauma dumped!?!? This was written as a gift for @bhaalbabebardlock 🎁 (gifs made from their video)

Octavia from @bhaalbabebardlock's Nature's Gifts meets Tessa from Days of hedonistic debauchery. Tessa talks too much.

How many months had it been since they were in the Underdark together? How long exactly? Tessa wasn’t sure. Their entire journey, their constant brushes with death, it all seemed like a distant dream now.

What she could remember, very vividly, was when they were in that tower in the Underdark and Gale said: “Wizards' towers can be volatile places. They keep their secrets buried and their dangers close to the surface.”

That being said, Tessa knew better than to mess with items in Gale’s study. How many times had he warned her not to? How many times had he reminded her that there were certain protections in place, ones that he could not (or would not) turn off — even for her.

But he was hiding something from her in this chest. Something for her. She just knew it. She’d tried breaking into it by literally breaking it — but the wood was too sturdy. Magic, the type she couldn’t identify, but she could feel it. Maybe Astarion would have better luck.

She walked out of Gale’s study, down the hall, and jumped into the bed where Astarion was resting. She crawled over top of him. “Get up, I need your help.” 

“If you’re speaking to me, it would be far easier to get up without you pinning me down. If you’re speaking to my cock, well, darling, he’ll be up soon if you just keep moving your —”

“Shut up,” Tessa said, laughing. “I mean you. I need you to open something for me in Gale’s study.”

Astarion raised an eyebrow. “Oh, you naughty thing, you.” He grabbed her hips and rolled her onto her back. He kissed the side of her mouth before sliding off the bed. “What is it exactly? I’ve looked through most everything with a lock on it in this tower already.”

“Of course you have.” Tessa jumped out of bed and pushed past him. “It’s new, I think. I’ll show you.”

Tessa made sure to check all the windows on the way back to the study. Heavy curtains were up in most parts of the tower to make it safe for Astarion to wander throughout the day. The path was clear.

When they arrived, Tessa put on a bit of a show by pointing dramatically at the chest. “I tried to break it. No dice.”

Astarion looked at the chest, then back at Tessa. “Hardly a challenge.” He strode over confidently, only pausing to reach into Tessa’s hair and tug out a lock pick.

“Are you fuckin’ kidding me? Again? I thought I told you to stop putting those in there.”

“You did. I didn’t listen. Now, let’s crack it open.” Astarion set to work on the chest, dexterous fingers twisting the lock pick until — something in the air changed. Electric energy pulsed around them. A hum that got louder and louder. Tessa’s vision began to blur.

“I’m starting to think this was a bad idea,” Tessa whispered. She placed a hand on Astarion’s shoulder — but it was too late.

In an instant, everything changed. They were somewhere completely different. And yet — so very familiar.

Tessa knew that smell. Woodsmoke. Those sounds, or lack thereof. The dreadful, oppressive quiet of the Underdark. She listened to the soft skittering of insects, the movements of other unseen creatures. She’d never planned on returning here. But . . . those were the same bedrolls she’d used, those were the same tents they’d slept in all those nights . . .

“Shit,” Tessa whispered.

She was back in camp.

“Shit,” Astarion echoed.

Correction: They were back in camp.

The very same one they’d found themselves in all those moons ago. But — it wasn’t real, was it? It couldn’t be.

“What is this?” Tessa asked. “A memory? An illusion?”

“A trick for trying to break into that damn chest,” Astarion said. “It would seem we’re in the Underdark. But this is . . . familiar. Is this our camp?”

“It sure looks like it. There’s your tent right over there. A mess, as usual.” Tessa held very still, grateful that Astarion was with her.

“You’re one to talk,” Astarion said. “Gods, it’s as though we’ve stepped into the past.”

Even though she felt nervous, almost afraid to break the spell, Tessa took a few tentative steps toward the center of camp. Part of her was worried that as she moved the ground would fall out from underneath her. But it didn’t. “It feels real,” she whispered.

“Who cares how real it feels,” Astarion said. “How the hells do we get back home?”

Tessa caught her lip curving up in a slight smile. That was the first time Astarion called the tower home. Now wasn’t the time to celebrate small victories. She had to find out where they were and if they were in any actual danger. “Gale will be back home soon. He’ll figure out where we are? Won’t he?”

“I’d rather not need him to clean up our messes but, yes, I suppose he has proven to be rather reliable — most times,” Astarion said.

Footsteps, so quiet she almost didn’t hear them, were heading toward them from beyond the shadows. Tessa silently cursed her very human eyes and stepped back to be closer to Astarion. “You didn’t happen to also hide an axe in my hair, did you?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, darling. Your hair isn’t a bag of holding, although . . .” Astarion trailed off, eyes locking onto something in the dark that Tessa still couldn’t see.

“What is it?” Tessa asked.

She held very still and watched as a human woman stepped into the light of the campfire. They must have been around the same age if she were to guess. She had long, green hair that went past her shoulders. Pretty. Bloodless.

“Shit, I know that look,” Tessa said. “Someone just got absolutely railed by a . . .”

Tessa’s mouth fell open, all words escaping her as Astarion stepped into view. She grabbed her Astarion’s hand, just to make sure he was still next to her. She looked away from the strangers and up at her Astarion. He still hadn’t taken his eyes off his other self.

“Is that? Me? Are you me?” Tessa’s Astarion asked, never taking his eyes off his double.

Astarion. Before he knew what the scars on his back meant. Before they killed his master. This version of him hadn’t been offered a taste of real power yet, not really. Would this woman be strong enough to talk him down? There was a moment, however brief, when they were in those dungeons that Tessa thought she was going to have to kill him herself.

“Two of you? As if one wasn’t enough trouble.” Tessa squeezed Astarion’s hand.

“Two of you? Me?” the other Astarion asked. “Tav, is that what I look like?”

“Gods, I’m beautiful,” Tessa’s Astarion said softly. “No wonder you can’t resist —”

He was cut off as the woman raised a hand, vines creeping up through the dirt to tangle both Tessa and Astarion. Effectively holding them in place.

“We can explain, probably,” Tessa said. She didn’t struggle, not yet.

The woman crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. She glanced over at her Astarion but didn’t speak.

“Oh! Oh! I know what you’re doing. Look, this is complicated, but I can explain. You’re using the tadpoles to talk to him? Right? We used to do that all the time, though it was more for sex than —”

“She understands, darling,” Tessa’s Astarion said. “Just look at them.”

“The most utterly insufferable man I’ve ever met, and now there are two of you? Lovely. Start explaining before I turn the both of you into frogs,” the woman said.

“Right. Okay. I’m Tessa. This is Astarion, obviously. You know that already. Gale. Is Gale here?”

The woman nodded.

“I live with him in Waterdeep. Well, we live with him. Well, not him, probably. My version of him. The three of us are sort of — well, Astarion here won’t let me use labels, but we’re fucking, I guess. I still think a label could be nice, but I’m trying not to push him.” Tessa glanced around, seeming to think for a moment. “Let’s see, you’re in the Underdark? That was before he . . . you might not know yet, but he’s pretty sensitive. I’m not sure how much I should say. Do you know anything about traveling between dimensions?”

“How dare you, I’m not sensitive,” Astarion, both of them, said in unison.

“My point exactly,” Tessa said.

“I’m Tav,” the woman said. “And, no, I don’t know anything about traveling between dimensions.”

“Tav! Nice to meet you, officially. So, we’re from another dimension. At least, I think that’s what happened here. There was a chest in Gale’s study that we were trying to break into, something sparked, and we ended up zapped here.”

“The vines, darling. Do you mind?” Tessa’s Astarion asked.

Tav narrowed her eyes. “Fine, but one move out of line and —”

“You’ll turn us into frogs, got it,” Tessa said. “I know you’ve got a lot going on right now, but I swear we are not a threat. We just want to get back home. Which, is sort of why I need to talk to Gale.”

“They went out for supplies. They’ll be back soon,” Tav said. She waved her hand once more, releasing them from the vines.

“Don’t . . .” Tav’s Astarion said. “Or, just do whatever you want.”

Tessa kicked her feet slightly and stretched as the vines crawled back into the dirt. Astarion held very, very still. He hadn’t looked away from himself yet.

“If you two are gonna fuck, just do it already,” Tessa teased.

“Don’t be lewd,” Tessa’s Astarion said.

Tessa watched as her Astarion fell silent. It’s not like him to be this quiet. Something was holding him back. The memory of who he was, perhaps?

“Let me guess. You got kidnapped by some mind flayers, they stuck a worm in your head, you crash-landed on a beach and now you’re the de facto leader of a group of weirdos?” Tessa asked.

Tav nodded.

“Weird. You must be this universe’s version of me. Or, well, I’m my universe’s version of you. I suppose the stuff with the grove was a little more personal for you, being a druid and all. I’m a barbarian. I’ve got a little magic of my own, but it sort of — well, it has a mind of its own sometimes.”

“She also talks too much,” Tessa’s Astarion said. “We really ought to be focusing on getting home, darling.”

“I just gotta know. Has Gale done that thing with his tongue yet? Has Astarion done that . . .” Tessa glanced at Tav’s Astarion. “Have you done that thing where she’s touchin’ herself and you’re in her head and your coc—”

Tessa’s Astarion grabbed her and put a hand over her mouth. She kept talking, but it was muffled now. “Enough, Tessa. Focus.”

Tessa licked the palm of his hand and he yanked back with an annoyed groan.

“I’m plenty focused. Though, having two of you gives me some pretty nasty ideas — not that I’d do anything with this version of you. I just mean, when we get home, maybe Gale can —”

“Tessa, please,” her Astarion pleaded.

“Yeah, fine. Okay. Uhh. Any weird chests show up at camp? Anything out of place?”

“No,” Tav’s Astarion said. “Nothing of the sort.”

“There’s probably some other end of the spell, right? Something that ties us here. Unless it’s just you?” Tessa looked up at her Astarion. “Maybe you two do gotta kiss or something and that’ll send us home.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” Tessa’s Astarion said. “Did you hit your head on the way over here?”

Tessa rolled her eyes. “We really need Gale. You said he’ll be back soon? Maybe we just . . . sit and wait?”

Tav gestured to a log. Tessa plopped down on it, and Tav took the spot next to her.

Tav and her Astarion were still eerily quiet. Tessa figured they were still using the tadpoles to discuss what to do with them. She just hoped it wasn’t violence. Tessa was in no mood for a fight.

“You don’t think we could be stuck here, do you?” Tessa asked.

Her Astarion stood awkwardly, staring down at her. “Anything is possible, I suppose.”

“Gale will know more, won’t he?”

“Yes, but I imagine this version of Gale won’t have his full power.”

“Right. The orb. Fuck,” Tessa muttered. She looked over at Tav. “So are you and Gale also a thing?”

“Where I was raised, it was only natural to love more than one person,” Tav said. “So, yes.”

“Right, druid stuff. That makes sense,” Tessa said. “My parents only had each other, but all that got them was dead. And I’ve always had an . . . ”

“Voracious appetite,” Tessa’s Astarion said.

“I was gonna say big heart, but, yeah, that too,” Tessa said, laughing.

“Your parents. How did they die?” Tav asked. “I’m only asking to see if there’s something else that connects us.”

Tessa glanced up at Astarion quickly, and then back at Tav. It’s not something she’d ever discussed with him or Gale. “They were, uh . . . accused of harboring a monster. Left me with an aunt, who later ditched me into the foster system. So, that was cool. I haven’t seen them, but my aunt — before she abandoned me — said they were dead. I have no reason not to believe that.”

She could feel her Astarion’s eyes on her. She shrugged off the embarrassment. “What about you, got any family?”

“They’re gone too,” Tav said. “My brother and sister, my parents, the people they loved. All of them gone. Bled dry by vampires.”

Tessa swallowed and laughed awkwardly. “Mine killed by monster hunters, yours killed by monsters — and yet, here we are, shacking up with a vampire spawn. That’s uh — well, your situation is a bit more complicated than mine. But, yeah. I’m sorry.”

“You can’t choose who you fall for,” Tav said.

Tessa smiled a little. “Yeah, I guess that’s true.”

Footsteps interrupted Tessa’s next thought as the others returned to camp. She stood from the log, eyes immediately locking onto Gale.

Gale. Fucking hells. He looked so fucking tired. His shirt was open just enough that she could see the tattoo peaking out, branded onto his flesh. The orb that ate at him. The curse that his stupid fucking ex could easily wipe away, but refused to do. The year he spent alone, with only Tara for company. Her command to kill himself, which hadn’t happened yet — not here. Tessa’s heart broke for him all over again.

Then there was the whole mess with the stones. Talking Gale down from taking the crown for himself was almost as difficult as talking Astarion out of ascending.

“Gods, Tav, you have so much ahead of you,” Tessa mumbled.

“What’s going on here?” Gale asked.

Tav stood. “They claim to come from another dimension. Where are the others?”

“That’s the working theory anyway,” Tessa said.

“Not far behind me. Another dimension? That’s simply not possible. This must be some sort of trick,” Gale said.

“Please don’t say that, Gale,” Tessa whined. “I can’t stay here.”

“No, you can’t. You also cannot be from another dimension. That sort of travel is impossible. At least, it hasn’t been proven.”

“Okay, how about this, if I’m not who I say I am then how come I know your last name is Dekarios? I also know about that orb. I know all about how you were banging Mystra, she couldn’t satisfy you, so you crossed her — your ‘ambition’ getting the better of you. Gods, how did you put it, the ‘crux’ of your ‘folly.’ Sometimes you use such stupid words, Gale. You, the other you, my you, used the tadpole to show me what it was like when you absorbed the . . . Uh. What happens if I tell you something you shouldn’t know?”

Gale tilted his head and approached her. “That . . . that is completely unknown to me. Truly, this should not be possible. It would take magic beyond even my vast knowledge to even begin to comprehend —”

“It’s probably best if I just stop talking then. In case I change things here too much.”

“You really believe you’re from another dimension?” Gale asked.

Tessa nodded.

“Is two of me not enough to convince you?” Tav’s Astarion asked.

“Well, that are all sorts of illusionary spells that could —”

“I’m not an illusion, Gale,” Tessa’s Astarion said. “Give us a theory, anything, that could get us home.”

“How is it that you came to be here?” Gale asked.

“They said it was a magic chest, that it zapped them,” Tav said.

“A chest? There was one . . . oh. In Waterdeep? In my tower?”

Tessa nodded. “Yes. Why?”

“There are rumors of a chest that holds the key to planar travel. However, it shouldn’t work like this, it shouldn’t have brought you here. Though, the rumors did say it had a mind of its own and could be rather . . . mercurial,” Gale said.

“Mercurial?” Tessa asked.

“Prone to sudden or unpredictable changes of mood or mind,” Gale said.

“A magic chest has a mood?”

“In theory,” Gale said.

“And, in theory, we pissed it off?” Tessa’s Astarion asked.

Gale nodded. “What were you doing when this happened?”

“I could wager a guess,” Tav’s Astarion said. He pointed at Tessa. “That one tried to break it. When that didn’t work, she went to him for help.”

“Is that true?” Gale asked.

Tessa shrugged. “Sort of.”

“Yes, it’s true,” Tessa’s Astarion said. “How do we get it to forgive us then?”

“Well, you’d have to find it, first. And, unfortunately, I can assure you it’s not in the Underdark. Then again, I didn’t even believe it actually existed.”

“Can you help us?” Tessa asked.

“There are some spells I could try, there is no guarantee that it will work —”

“We’ll try anything,” Tessa’s Astarion said.

“I would need both of you to cooperate,” Gale said.

“Count me in,” Tessa said.

“Ah, no, I should have been more clear. Both of them.” He gestured toward each Astarion. “There must be some sort of connection between the two of them that pulled you here.”

“So I should just?”

“Wait here while I work. Tav, keep her occupied for me?”

Tav nodded. “Sit with me by the fire again.”

“Just — don’t tell her anything she shouldn’t know,” Gale said.

“You got it, boss,” Tessa said.

Tessa followed Tav and plopped down next to the campfire. “This is so weird,” Tessa said. “It feels like I’ve been transported back in time, which, in a way, is true. How are you?”

“Stressed. Tired. Fighting for my life every day. Does it get better?” Tav asked.

Tessa nodded. “It gets worse first. Then it gets way better. I’m . . . I never thought I could be so happy.”

“I’m happy for you,” Tav said.

“It looks like you could have it too. I see the way Gale looks at you. It’s the same way my Gale looked at me.”

There was a loud crack, one of the Astarion’s called Gale an arsehole. Could have been either of them.

“You might have to move camp as soon as we’re out of here if he keeps it up with the noise,” Tessa said.

“It’s time we move on anyway,” Tav said. “I miss the sun.”

“Yeah, the Underdark wasn’t for me either. I talk too much. Besides, there’s nothing like fresh air and sunshine.” Tessa picked at her fingernails. “You said you had siblings? They died too?”

Tav traced patterns in the dirt with her fingers. “Yes.”

“Younger or older?” Tessa asked.

“Ellowyn, my younger sister. Orion, my twin brother.”

“Gods, I’m sorry. You must miss them like crazy.”

“More than anything. I haven’t let myself grow attached to . . . well, to anyone really, since I lost them.”

“Let me guess, you didn’t mean to fall in love with Gale or Astarion either?” Tessa smiled, a bit sad.

“No. It just sort of, it just, it happened.”

“Yeah, it was the same for me too,” Tessa said.

“Do you have siblings?” Tav asked.

Tessa held her breath for a moment before speaking. “I had . . . I haven’t, uh, okay. So, I’m pretty much an open book, yeah? I mean. I haven’t shut up since we got here and — well. I haven’t told anyone this. Not Gale. Not Astarion. Nobody. I — I also had . . . have . . . I have a sister out there, somewhere. People thought we were twins. It’s complicated.”

“You’re not close?” Tav asked.

Tessa shook her head. “Well, she sort of, fucked off after we got dropped off with my aunt. I’ve seen her a handful of times since then, but . . . I might have . . . it’s my fault.”

“What’s your fault?”

“For a long time, I blamed her for our parents disappearing, or dying, or whatever happened to them. I wasn’t very nice to her. I’ve thought about lookin’ for her, but I don’t know.”

“You have a sister, who you know is alive, and you’re not in her life?” Tav kicked her shoe over the lines she made in the dirt, clearing away the pattern. “I think that’s stupid. I would give anything to see my family again.”

Tessa sighed. “It’s . . . complicated with Kenz. She, uh . . . but, no, you’re right. I just don’t know how to tell the boys. I’ve been keeping her a secret for so long.”

“You love them, don’t you? I can’t speak for your Gale, but your Astarion adores you.”

“I piss him off, but, yeah, he tolerates me pretty well,” Tessa said, laughing softly.

“I think they’ll be more understanding than you think if you just tell them,” Tav said.

“Thank you, Tav, really. I think I needed to hear that. Sorry for, uh, literally busting into your universe and dumping my trauma onto you. I just . . . there’s something about you. I trust you. You’re easy to talk to.”

“Thank you, I guess,” Tav laughed. “You said it gets worse before it gets better?”

Tessa glanced over at Gale, then looked back at Tav. “I’m sure I probably shouldn’t tell you this. But our boys, both of them, they, uh . . . they sort of get in their own way. They have an opportunity to be, uh, more than they are. More powerful? I . . . well, I kinda had to pull their heads out of their asses a few times before they came around to the idea of just being themselves.”

There was another large crack of magic. “Hells, wizard. Are you trying to kill us?”

“I told you to hold still. I think I’m onto something,” Gale said.

“Maybe we should go check on them?” Tav asked.

Tessa stood and offered Tav her hand. Tav took it and Tessa helped pull her up.

“I think, what I can say is . . . you seem pretty tough, right? Just stay tougher than them. Be their compass, steer them, or whatever. You’ll be alright though, I can tell.”

The hair on Tessa’s arms stood on edge, goosebumps ran up and down her arms. “Oh, shit, something’s happening.” Without thinking she grabbed Tav and pulled her into a hug. “Whatever happens, I’m really glad I got to meet you.”

She released her grip on Tav and pushed her away just as the world around them began to melt and Gale’s study came back into view.

Tessa collapsed to the floor of the study.

“Gods, Tessa, what in the hells were you thinking?” Gale bent down to her level. She grabbed his shirt, pulling it down enough to make sure the tattoo from the orb wasn’t there. Just skin. He was her Gale.

“Astarion. Where’s Astarion?” Tessa scrambled to her feet.

Astarion stumbled in from the hallway. “Right here, darling.”

“And it’s you? My Astarion? Our Astarion?”

He nodded and ran a hand over his face. “Yes.”

“Our Astarion?” Gale asked.

“Prove it,” Tessa said. “What did we do last night?”

“Sex,” Astarion said.

“Which position?” Tessa asked.

“I think you mean positions. Do you want me to list them or draw a diagram?”

“No, that’s good enough for me,” Tessa laughed. “What the fuck happened?”

Gale stood back. “It seems you angered the chest.”

“Mercurial is the word the other you used, if I’m remembering right,” Tessa said.

“The other me?”

“It’s a long story. I need a bath, get the woodsmoke and Underdark off my skin.”

“Woodsmoke? Underdark? Where were you?”

“Can we explain later? Traveling dimensions made me hungry as fuck,” Tessa said.

“Very well.” Gale sighed. “But if only because when you’re hungry, you have quite the mercurial temperament yourself.”

“Food, bath, then we’ll tell you everything, promise,” Tessa said.

[sunnyreblogsthings]

es/prisoner duet headcanons (totally not based off someone i like drawing fuuta and mikoto dueting idk what you’re talking about) (also only first trial for simplicity)

haruka + es: they sing pretty well together! haruka tries his best to sing well, but when he messes up he starts apologizing. you’re doing great baby dw,, as for es they’re just doing their thing, though they might show a bit of sadness due to…well we’ve all seen weakness cmon now

yuno + es: pretty standard! i don’t think much chaos would happen, es is just doing their thing and yuno’s doing hers.

fuuta + es: oh jesus. it’d start out fine, but es would cut off fuuta once and the glares would start. fuuta would be getting upset es wasn’t putting enough ENERGY into it, while es is only doing this because they have to. es starts intentionally cutting fuuta off, and it ends in a shouting match. they totally blow out the speakers from fuuta’s yelling.

muu + es: kind of the same as haruka’s, though i don’t think she’d be as volatile as haruka. if she messed up a lot, sure she’d apologize, but one or two misses wouldn’t have her crying.

shidou + es: they actually work REALLY well together!! shidou & es’s voices are somewhat similar in pitch and tone, so neither would be exhausting themselves keeping up with each other. shidou totally is making sure everyone’s drinking enough water after their songs and not straining their voices too much.

mahiru + es: es lets mahiru take the lead on it, they aren’t too keen on love songs. overall, no chaos and mahiru has a great time! es is never doing that again.

kazui + es: again, somewhat similar voices in pitch in my mind. i don’t think it would go bad either, kazui might start crying a bit though. (kazui fans i’m sorry but you just might never get that cover LMAOOO-)

amane + es: again, not much trouble here either. es isn’t too interested, but amane’s energy and excitement make up for their lack thereof. amane is definitely trying her best to get es into it, and it somewhat works i think! maybe even a little es smile :)

mikoto + es: oh jesus part two. we’ve all seen meme and know how fast the tempo changes. es would be absolutely STRUGGLING, but trying to keep a professional air to themselves like always. meanwhile mikoto is over here doing PERFECTLY FINE. es probably needed like 30 minutes after the song to calm down.

kotoko + es: i think it would go…okay? the song would be perfectly fine, don’t get me wrong, though i’m…concerned about the aftermath. attempted fistfight instigated by kotoko? her just straight up trying to roundhouse kick es? it’s anyone’s guess.

BONUS:

why isn’t anyone covering undercover? - es just…won’t let them. that’s their song, and their song alone. (also they’re too tired after everyone else’s songs and the tempos changing inbetween give them a break okay-)

[kharonion]

I realized I hadn't played through Judy's quest on Vikt's file (the blasphemy, I know, I'm sorry! 😭), and as I'm doing so, I'm beginning to think that maybe... this shit is where Vikt really starts to question his ingrained moral compass—or lack thereof.

The worm got planted with this moment in particular:

⚠ Some spoilers for "Pisces" mission ahead. ⚠

Maiko suddenly attacking him after all the corp-like bullshit doesn't really surprise Vikt. At all. He's standing around, just waiting for it. He knows this song and dance, and he knows the position he has been shoved into at that present moment isn't a good one. Vikt is expecting—as Jenkins had always put it—"a show of force."

So, understandably enough, Vikt defends himself. Pretty coldly. Drives his blade right through her with no remorse.

After all, she was a threat.

He meets back up with Judy. Bluntly reports to her what took place... and the consequences.

And we come to this. Where Judy is flabbergasted at not only what Vikt did, but how he did it. How unattached he is, how he wasn't even bothered to find an alternative. How Maiko's life was treated like just another casualty of a gig.

This is all shit Vikt is used to. He's still a corp—not in title, but in personality. Brainwashed, implanted with a chip to make him unbending, ingrained with the only sense of morals he's ever known.

This is normal—to him.

Judy shows him that no, this isn't normal.

I headcanon that this scene is a lot more... volatile. That Judy is much more pissed, and it ends with her simultaneously stomping and sulking away, defeated. She thought she could trust Vikt with this, that he would do what was right. And he didn't.

And her walking away—one of the very few people he has let past his emotional wall, who he views like a sister—is devastating. Because Vikt fully beliefs, at that moment, that he's lost her. Watching her walk away is like Dex shooting him square in the head all over again.

It's here where Vikt really starts to look at himself in the mirror. He starts to see the monster. He has always known it is there, but this... this is different.

He wants to eradicate it. For good. But he has no clue how. Because that monster is him.

[scarletknightreterns]

I gotta say I adore Cinder and seeing how Death responds to her traumas in the comics you made has got me wondering....how does she respond to his own?

Most people in the fandom believe Lilith at one point ra*** him, based on convos in the game and the Abomination Vault novel. I have a few other reasons from the game beyond Lilith that suggest this to me, but no need to make this too long. Yes he likely has veteran soldier type ptsd struggles as well I'm sure, but I imagine with Lilith as a self proclaimed 'Mother' there's definitely way more that's happened. I mention this only because I have one morbid curiosity.

Thank you so much for the kind words, and for the ask!

I absolutely picked up on those little tidbits of information, too, and it’s made me hate Lilith all the more.

—

Cinder understands Death’s opinion and feelings on the matter quite well....

Having had a fairly troubling past of being used, manipulated, lied to, black-mailed, and treated less then dirt and like a means to an end by her very own ‘father’ who didn’t give two shits about her, she can have a pretty good idea of what the Reaper is brooding during his overly moody ‘no talk me angy’ moments.

To say the absolute least, she’s learned from her own past mistakes that violence, even if absolutely understandable and justified, gets you absolutely nowhere, even if you’d so dearly wish to rip your abuser in half and burn the pieces left in Hellfire.

Cinder would acknowledge anything Death says that happened to him/ he’d experienced, silently lending an ear at all if he had any centuries-worth of trauma to trust her with gleaning. Getting angry at what he’d gone through most certainly would be part and parcel to the package, but she’d not let him know that. He needs to be heard, not be the cause for more volatile feelings, and what she feels doesn’t matter in the moment.

Cinder wouldn’t overstep her boundaries, and instead would put it out there that she’s there to help him deal with those feelings if he wishes to tread that path; the choice is his to make.

What she would do without prompt, however, are small gestures of kindness, the little ones of comfort. Not to say the gristly pale Rider himself needs comfort, but he needs comfort. Support.

He has to let go of what happened, yes. I don’t think the Reaper himself will ever stop being a sarcastic jerk to most and all, but he also has to learn to accept what happened.

Sharing stories around a campfire, she’d spend hours.

Helping him out with a quarry of demons he needs to take care of but it would be too much alone, her sword is there, free and willing.

Being just a silent presence in the dead of night, staring at the stars, she’ll be at his back.

Having bad thoughts and just being frustrated with every minute detail in all of Creation; she’d remind him that sometimes things are too overwhelming when standing too close, and to just take a step back and breathe for once.

He’s not just a Horseman— terrible enforcer of the balance, dog of the Charred Council who treats all the 4 as nothing more then puppets to throw away once for a lack of usefulness. He is her best friend, an ally, and another living being— as much as he’d protest lacking a heartbeat thereof.

She’s mighty protective of family, where it’s due and appropriate.

And to say the least...

Lilith might not enjoy the next encounter she has with the woman. Not all of Hell, nor Samael’s Black Throne can save the bewitching Demoness from the iron claws of Cinder once her eyes are set on something deserving of her seething ire.