#we should start doing a nice and naughty animal of the week

[plaguedocboi]

you know how some zoos do “nice animal” and “naughty animal” of the week? i don’t know if your aquarium has any particularly naughty animals (the snails are sinless) but do you think you could pick a few of each for us?

I think our naughtiest animal is probably Neptune the lobster because he escaped and went on a whole adventure in the ocean for a week before we got him back. Other naughty animals are Elvis the lobster (because she’s just full of rage and tries to fight us all the time) and the Big Hermit Crab because he steals the whelk’s food.

Nice animals of the week are Diesel the giant crab because he’s just a very polite boy and Conner the cunner because he ate a mussel and a chunk of herring (and he used to spit out anything that wasn’t Cubed Shrimp Meat but we are trying to diversify his diet)

[intoanotherworld23]

Fighting Fire With Fire

Pairing: Female reader x Javier Pena x Steve Murphy

Warnings: NSFW 18+ ONLY DNI, holy moly this whole thing needs to have a bible thrown at it major smut and sex, use of handcuffs, bondage, oral male and female receiving, p in v, unprotected sex, p in a, threesome, mild spanking, swear words, overstimulation

Summary: Wanting to give them a taste of their own medicine you have the bright idea to ignore Javier and Steve all day, but it ends with you getting punished

Check out my other works on my Hall Of Hunks

As soon as you saw the black Audi pull up the driveway your stomach dropped. You knew you were in serious trouble, but also for a world of absolute pleasure. Utter excitement coursing through your body at what they were going to do with you.

You had been ignoring Javier and Steve all day, and it was all on purpose. It was hard to do, but you stayed motivated in your plan.

They had been ignorning you all week, and you just wanted to give them a taste of their own medicine. Granted it was work things, but still you felt they still should make time for you.

Granted it wasn't their fault cause they were busy with interviews for their movie, but you still wanted to feel wanted. Ignoring their texts and calls. They clearly didn't appreciate it based on the tone of the messages.

Javier: sweetheart you know we don't like being ignored.

Steve: darling answer your phone. You know we are very busy

Steve: don't make us come home Javier is getting very worried

Steve: this is your last warning sweetheart.

Their words had you feeling all giddy inside knowing you were getting to them. You were fighting fire with fire, but weren't prepared for how big the flames were about to get. You were just desperate to feel their touches.

They were very protective of you so when you decided to not respond it worried them. Taking your safety seriously, so they grabbed their things, and started heading to you no questions asked.

People still didn't understand your relationship with the two movie stars. Everywhere you three went people looked at you, and clear judgement on their faces. Doing your best to ignore them, and remembering that both men loved you.

The door being barged open and seeing Javier’s and Steve’s stern yet lustful gazes had you feeling nervous. A part of you was starting to rethink why you acted the way you did. Javier was the first one to step forward.

"You've been very naughty sweetheart." Javier growled as he crossed his arms across his chest.

Steve stood behind him as his eyes raked up and down your body. His once light eyes now darkened with lust. You were wearing just a shirt barely covering your butt and some lace panties.

"Ignoring us like that isn't very nice. You know what has to happen now." Steve spoke up as he walked forward as well even closer then Javier.

"I'm sorry." You whispered and they just both smirked at you.

Steve was the sympathetic and caring when it came to punishment. Not wanting to push you past your limit. Constantly watching your body language to make sure he wasn’t hurting you.

Whereas Javier was more dominant and loved to punish you and hear you beg. If you didn’t end up shaking with pleasure with tears coming down your cheeks then he wasn’t done.

They were different but they even each other out so they didn't break you completely. Plus the aftercare made it all worth it.

"You're gonna be sorry baby." Both men had these dark looks in their eyes, and it almost scared you. You were definitely turned on more though.

You felt like a helpless animal being cornered by two ravenous beasts. Looking at both of them waiting for them to make their move. Steve and Javier looked to each other before they moved.

Next thing you know Javier and Steve are on you. Javier grabbing your hands and pinning them above your head. Steve went into the drawer, and pulled out a pair of handcuffs. Before you could even protest he had them clasped around your wrists.

Tugging on the cuffs thinking for some reason you could slip out of them. They just chuckled at your weak attempt of getting yourself out of this. Your panties were soaked at this point and it wouldn't take long for them to figure it out.

"What should we do with her first?" Javier looked over at Steve and they just looked at your figure lying there awaiting your punishment.

"I think we need to get a taste of that pussy first." His words had your thighs clenching together.

They knew you loved being eaten out, but this wasn't going to be for your pleasure. It was all for them, and they weren't going to give you what you wanted.

Both men grabbed an ankle and peppered your thighs with sloppy kisses. Looking down watching as their mouth inched closer to your drenched panties. Your breathing had increased as they reached the hem of your panties.

Their lingering kisses had your legs trembling with need. Each leg was being showered with sensual kisses and touches having you mewl like a cat in heat. You probably looked so desperate, but right now you didn't care.

"These need to go." Javier grabbed the sides and pulled them down your legs tossing them to the side.

"She's already soaked." Steve noted looking between your legs your arousal already leaking out of your folds.

The cold breeze hitting your pussy making you whimper. They both went back to kissing around your core, but not kissing where you wanted them to. It was frustrating you but you didn’t want to push it, and then not give you what you want.

They wanted to hear you beg for it. It was all a game to them, and you had to play along with them. You finally snapped when their lips touched just right beside your folds.

"God please. Please Javi. Please Stevie eat my pussy please I'm begging you." You howled tossing your head to the side feeling your cheeks heating up already.

"Did you hear that Javi? Did that sound like begging to you?" Steve’s tone was mocking and Javier just chuckled as they looked up at your writhing body.

"Nope I think our baby girl can do better than that." Javier smirked when he heard your little whimpers.

Between their kisses and sensual touches up and down your legs you felt yourself going crazy. Tugging against the cuffs the cold metal pressing harshly against your skin.

"Fuck please I want both of your tongues on my pussy I want it so badly please. Fuck me with your tongues." You whined bucking your hips upwards hoping they got the hint and would show some mercy.

Without another word Steve pulled your pussy lips apart getting easier access. Licking his lips ready to just devour you whole. Your clit was throbbing being so exposed.

Javier was thrusting his tongue inside you while Steve gave your clit kitten licks. Your mouth hung up as you watched them eat your pussy like starved men. It was the hottest thing you could ever witness, and it was almost hard to believe it was happening to you.

"Oh fuck that feels so good." Biting your lower lip between your teeth and throwing your head back against the pillow.

Javier could feel your walls clenching around his tongue, and decided to add a finger. Steve taking the hint as he sucked your little bundle of nerves hard making you scream out. Your whimpers and moans getting louder.

"Tastes so sweet." Javier mumbled against your folds the vibrations making your back arch off the bed.

Both of their mouths felt so warm against your pussy, your body was melting into the mattress. You didn't know who you wanted more.

Javier was slurping your pussy his hand coming down across your stomach to keep you down. Licking up and down your folds, his beard scratching along your skin. Being so lost in your own pleasure you couldn't tell whose tongue was whose.

"Keep going." You said as your ground your hips against their greedy mouths.

Feeling yourself getting closer to the edge. Pulling against the cuffs desperate to touch them and grip onto their heads.

Just as you felt your orgasm about to hit you it was taken away just as fast. Opening your eyes in confusion you saw them get off the bed. You were so frustrated your pussy was actually starting to ache really badly.

"Bad girls don't get to cum so easily." Javier’s stern tone told you he really wasn't happy with you.

Both men shred their clothing right before your eyes. Their hard cocks slapping against their stomach, and your mouth watered at the sight.

Hands slowly stroking themselves as their eyes looked hungrily in between your legs. Your pussy glistening in the light making them lick their lips.

Wanting nothing more than to wrap your fingers around them. They knew exactly what they were doing, and definitely wanted you to suffer.

"Mouth or cunt?" Scrunching your eyebrows in confusion until you realized that Javier was talking to Steve.

"I want that smart ass little mouth of hers." He walked over to the side of the bed where your head was you were watching his every move.

Javier got on his knees on the bed and gripped your ankles placing your legs in the air. Without any warning he plunged himself deep inside you making you gasp. Steve took that as an opportunity to push his cock inside your mouth.

"Fucking hell always so tight for our cocks." Javier groaned as he wasted no time thrusting in and out of you.

"Such a good girl for us. Always taking us so well." Steve moaned as he pet your head watching your lips moving up and down his shaft.

"This is in the way." Javier gripped your shirt before ripping it straight down the middle. Exposing your breasts to their hungry gazes.

Your breasts bouncing with every thrust. Javier and Steve didn't waste another second before they each grabbed a breast. Pinching your nipples until they were hard buds under their fingertips.

Your skin slapping against Javier’s pelvis echoing around the room, had your entire body on fire. You just wanted nothing more than to feel and touch their skin.

"Such a cock hungry little whore for us. Always so eager for us." Javier’s words had a shiver running up your spine.

Javier and his filthy words could have you wet within seconds. Javier loved dirty talk and he knew you loved it even more. He found it amusing how such simple words or phrases could have you soaked, and begging him for more.

Moving your tongue up and down Steve’s cock bobbing your head up and down. He was lightly thrusting his hips into your mouth so you could take more of him. Gagging around him a little bit of saliva running down your chin.

You didn't know whose cock you wanted to focus on more. The pounding from Javier had your legs shaking, and your back sweating. You wondered if they were going to let you cum this time or continue their torture.

Your pussy squeezing Javier’s cock as you tried adjusting around him. His grip tightening on your ankles as he kept your legs spread for him. Hitting a deeper angle inside of you. Your moans vibrating on Sebastian making him groan.

"Fuck do that again." Javier then snapped his hips sharply making you squeal around Steve’s cock causing him to growl his cock twitching in your mouth.

They were using you like their own little plaything, and you absolutely loved it. Only they could do this to you, and you had no complaints what so ever.

Javier was thrusting into you roughly making your whole body move the bed rocking back and forth. Which was good for Steve cause it was moving your head making your mouth take more of his cock.

The harder Javier fucked you the more you moaned around Steve. You so badly want to turn your head away so you could watch Javier sliding in and out of you. You always liked to watch as the entered you it turned you on tremendously.

Your pussy was completely soaked making it so much easier for Javier to slam in and out of you. Your juices coating Javier’s cock making him groan at how wet you were the sounds echoing across the room.

"I'm gonna cum." Looking up you saw Sebastian with his head thrown back and eyes closed in pure ecstasy.

You sucked him even harder egging him closer to release wanting to swallow every drop of him. Basking in the triumph that you could make either of them feel this way.

"Make him cum like the good girl you are. Make him cum down your throat and I want you to swallow all of him." Javier commanded you as his thrusts were becoming sloppier and slower.

Taking Steve all the way down your throat you felt him twitching in your mouth followed by his warm cum filling your mouth. Doing what you were told your swallowed all of his release while still slowly licking his cock up and down.

"Such a good fucking girl to us."

“You look so fucking good like this cariño.”

He looked down at you lovingly stroking the cheek while Javier continued to fuck you feeling his own release hitting him. Your pussy squeezing him like a vice, and your orgasm once again coming as well.

Javier let your legs fall beside him as his hand gripped your breasts as he squirted his seed inside of you. Both men groaning above you their foreheads covered in sweat.

Once again your release was ripped from you, and it was really starting to hurt you this time. Being so close, and they were denying you of your orgasm as punishment. Judging by their faces they weren’t done with you yet.

"Please I'm sorry I won't ignore you guys again please I just want to cum so badly." You cried out hoping they would finally give in and end this punishment.

Laying their wiggiling your hips in frustration not having been able to cum. Whining loudly your pussy clenching around air both them having been satisfied but not you.

Your noises getting both their attention. Javier leaning over you uncuffing one hand making you think this torture was over. The ache between your legs even more so than it was before.

"Turn her ass over." Javier turned towards Steve who grinned and was more than happy to flip you on your stomach.

Your pussy was so raw right now you didn't know if you were going to be able to take one of their cocks anymore. You were begging for sweet release, but you were so sensitive already.

The hand that was under your body was then moved back to the headboard to only be cuffed again. Groaning in frustration wiggiling your hips making both men growl at your movements. A hand coming down on your ass hard making you squeal.

"Ass or cunt?" This time Steve asked Javier although you knew what he was going to choose

Your pussy clenching around nothing again but just at the thought of them both being inside you. No matter how many times you took them both it was such a thrilling experience, and mind blowing.

"I want that sweet ass of hers." Javier swatted your ass hard a gasp leaving your lips as you felt the sting.

You felt hands lift your hips up so your ass was in the air. Steve maneuvered his way under you aligning his cock right under your once again soaked entrance. Your wrist that was still cuffed was feeling sore.

Slowly pushing himself inside of you making your mouth hang open as you fully lowered yourself down on him. Steve was not as thick as Javier, but he was longer.

"God this pussy is like heaven. Such a tight little cunt." He groaned as he gripped your hips and started thrusting up into you. Your breasts dangling in his face.

Looking into his eyes as he was moving faster, and slamming into your harder. It felt so intimate and passionate. The way his hands moved up and down your back almost in a soothing way. Moving your hips slamming your pussy down on him so you could feel him even deeper.

Just when you were getting comfortable with Steve you fel the bed dip behind you. Javier grabbed your ass cheeks making sure to spread you wide for him. Opening you up for him even more stretching you as wide as you could handle.

Hearing Javier open a bottle squirting the cold liquid onto your asshole, and feeling him spread some on your ass.

"Shhh sweetheart we're gonna take good care of you." Steve whispered soothingly into your ear.

Both men could feel your muscles tensing under their touches. The difficult was about to happen, and they wanted to make sure you were as comfortable as possible.

“That’s it cariño just relax.” Pumping his cock as his other hand rubbed your puckered asshole in a soothing manner.

Your nerves were all over the place as he placed the tip of his cock at your backside. Steve could senses how nervous you were, and lifted his head up so his mouth could latch onto a nipple. Moaning even louder your eyes rolling into the back of your head.

Pushing his cock inch by inch until he was all the way inside of your ass. Javier was squeezing your ass he let you adjust around him. Closing his eyes to concentrate on not cumming already.

Breathing harshly in and out of your nose as you being were filled to the brim. Your mouth biting down on your outstretched arm almost breaking skin with how intense this feeling was.

"Her ass is almost just as tight as her pussy." Javier groaned as he was slowly pushing in and out of you.

"Such a good girl taking our cocks so well. She was made for us." Steve moaned beneath you his lips moved to your neck sucking on the skin surely leaving a mark.

When Javier was pushing in Steve was pulling out, and vice versa. You were completely stuffed and you were loving it. No words were able to leave your mouth only noises. Javier continued to spit absolute filth to you. Your pussy would clench around Steve making him groan.

Once Javier felt you were okay both men nodded to each other before picking up their thrusts. Javier snapping his pelvis against you, while Steve was thrusting up into you. Lifting your body up and down to meet their powerful cocks.

"Holy fuck oh my god. Your cocks feel so good." You cried out loving the feeling of having them both inside of you.

"You just love our cocks don't you sweetheart." Javier spoke with gritted teeth as he looked down watching as your asshole swallowed his cock.

Both men groaning and grunting as they were fucking your body into oblivion. Your hands gripped the rails as you felt the cuff really digging into your skin, but you didn't care. Pushing past the pain, and feeling only the pleasure.

Your entire body was spent and you didn't know how much more you could take. Just letting them do whatever they needed to do hoping you’d get to feel that orgasm.

"I bet she won't ignore us again huh?" Steve joked making Javier grin behind you to look at the other smirking boy before he turned his attention back to your ass.

"Say it." Javier said smacking your ass sharply the sting more intense.

They weren't letting up with their movements making it almost impossible for you to talk right now, but they wanted your words.

"Say it." Javier spoke louder his hand coming down on your ass even harder.

"I won't ignore you guys again. Please I'm sorry please keep going." You begged and whined not even caring how pathetic you looked.

You were being filled wholly and completely, and you could feel Steve all the way up in your stomach. Not being able to understand how you were always able to take them so deeply. Never getting used to the feeling of them both inside you at the same time.

Feeling the pit of you stomach burning you knew you were getting closer. Your whole body was on fire, and your legs were tingling. Just praying and hoping they would let you cum this time. There was no way you would be able to take another round of not getting release.

"Fuck I'm gonna cum in that tight little cunt of yours." His thrusts were getting rougher along with Javier.

Your entire body being sandwiched between the two ravenous men. All three of you covered in sweat rubbing against each other. Their body hair scratching against your skin pricking you.

"Shit me too. Gonna cum in your ass sweetheart. Fill you up." Javier snarled as he smacked your ass a couple of times making both your holes squeeze around them.

Your toes were curling and you closed your eyes as you finally felt your climax hitting you hard. Crying out into Steve’s chest as your juices coated his cock. Breathing heavily as your entire body was trembling, and your arms shaking.

Hearing your whimpers and feeling your body slump forward, Javier was the first to cum along with Steve. Feeling their release fill you up had you clenching around them again.

Javier slowly pulled out of your raw asshole making you hiss. Steve was next and you knew you were going to be so sore the next day. It was absolutely amazing, and you would gladly do that all over again.

"God fucking damn. Holy fuck that was amazing sweetheart." You didn't know who spoke but all you knew was that you were tired.

Quickly uncuffing you your arm fell limp as they laid your body down softly. Your wrist was so sore and throbbing, but your mind was so drowsy you really didn’t mind it all that much.

Both of them getting into bed, and you had one of them on either side of you. Snuggling into your body wanting to make you were looked after. They were both a little worried they may have pushed you a little too much.

“You okay cariño?” Javier was the first one to speak.

Unable to find your words your mouth was so dry you couldn’t say anything. All you could do was just slowly nod your head up and down in response.

Their hands rubbing your body sensually and adoringly. They both peppered your sweaty and warm skin with light kisses. They were being so gentle with you it made you smile. This was the part that you loved the most out of everything how tender they could be with you.

"Our girl did so good for us."

"Sweetheart we weren't too rough with you were we?" Once again nodding your head to them.

"Good. Now get some rest sweetheart, we aren't done with you yet." You felt both men grinning at you before your eyes snapped wide open.

——————————————

Tag list for everything: @iam-laiya @rosie-posie08 @madzleigh01 @alwaysclassyeagle @mytbel0st @shanimallina87 @marvelstarker-mha98 @powellssugarbaby @lora21 @kmc1989 @sullyosully

Tag list for Pedro Pascal: @pedrohoe04 @k-k0129 @marchai @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @milly-louise @kittenlittle24

[justastraymoa]

ADVENTURES WITH CHEESE EXTENDED EDITION PT 9

As soon as I saw Cheese I ran to him and scooped him into my arms. Cheese made an annoyed noise and wiggled, but I held firm.

“You had me worried to death! How could you do that to me!” I chastised in a cutesy baby voice. Cheese looked away, uncaring about the agony he caused me and the years of my life he took from me.

Beside me Chan gave Felix a hug clapping his back loudly. “Thank you so much man! We have been looking everywhere!”

Felix laughed uncomfortably. “No problem. I didn’t even recognize him; it’s been so long.”

“And he doesn’t like you because you scared his mother.” Lino put in as he came over to scratch Cheese behind his ear.

“That too.”

“This more than makes up for that. Seriously, thank you, Felix.” I added giving the man a relieved smile.

“You are such a naughty, naughty boy! You had daddy and mommy scared.” Lino lectured Cheese, who again was uncaring and just wanted to be put down.

A new person walked into the room with a wide smile on his face. “Apparently, he likes scaring people. He nearly had me jumping out of my skin hiding on the black rug and blending in.”

“This is Jisung, one of my roommates.” Felix introduced the new man. I nodded and smiled at him.

Chan chuckled. “Yeah, I changed my blankets because he blended in to well with my old ones. I kept sitting on him on accident.”

I jumped slightly as there was frantic pounding on the door. Jisung opened it to let in Bin and Hyune who looked like they ran all the way here from my old apartment. They immediately zeroed in on the cat in my arms.

Later on, that night as we all ate dinner (I hadn’t eaten all day and when Chan found out he scolded me like a dad for ten minutes) Lino brought up putting a chip in Cheese.

I shrugged. “Honestly it never occurred to me to do that. But it’s a good idea since he has gotten out twice now. And with you guys taking him on trips and crap.”

Lino looked relieved. “Exactly. And if this should ever happen again, we can find him right away.”

“Plus, I am going to take him to the vet anyways to get him checked over for injuries. I can just have them put the chip in then.” It would be a weight off my chest knowing that we had a very good chance of getting Cheese back right away if he escaped again. And most places have chip scanners now so if some nice person took him to a vet or animal shelter, they would be able to contact me.

I smirked at Bin. He had spent almost every second doing little things for me and Cheese to ease his guilt. I kept telling him it wasn’t necessary, but hell if he would listen to me. Instead, he actually let Cheese on his bed and made me my favorite snack before bed.

Cheese scratched at the door again mewing pitifully before turning his big boba eyes on me. “Nuh uh, mister. You aren’t going to cute your way out of this one. We are almost done then we can go home.” I reached a handout to offer pets, but Cheese ignored it, meowing loudly at the door again.

Cheese was so mad at me he slept with Chan for 3 days. But at least I knew that I could find him now and that he was okay and healthy.

Now the Chan Clan was gone for 2 weeks on a business trip, and I had the apartment all to myself. It was too quiet. I was used to there being noise always coming from somewhere.

I was used to being able to talk to one of them or show them a stupid video or meme I found of them that would make them laugh or blush. It was one of my favorite past times now. But it was lonely in this apartment without them.

I had spent a whole day distracting myself by cleaning everything I could get my hands on. Right down to washing and sanitizing Cheeses toys and putting his cloth toys and blankets in the washer. I even went through my dresser and filled a garbage bag full of clothes to donate.

Now everything was spotless and the whole apartment smelled like cleaning supplies, but I had nothing to do. Anytime I started to watch tv I would get to a part that I wanted to show one of the boys and remember again that they weren’t there. And a lot of shows I was watching with them, and I couldn’t watch without them here. That ruins all the fun.

Even cat movie Friday was a bummer. I watched the first movie I found that mentioned a cat. Turns out it was about a cat who was abandoned and spent the rest of the movie searching for his loved ones. I was sobbing the entire time.

My phone rang early the next morning with a video call from Lino.

“Melluh.” I mumbled still half asleep.

“I told you she would still be in bed.” Bins tiny voice came over the line and I opened my eyes in confusion.

All 4 of my boys were on the tiny screen of my phone. Squished together so they could all fit into the frame but looking happy enough. I sat up and rubbed my eyes trying to wake up. “S’okay. How are you? I miss you.” I mumbled.

“We miss you too, y/nnie!” Bin said way too loudly making me flinch slightly.

Hyune squinted and leaned closer to the phone. “You look puffy.”

“Gee, thanks oh so much. You look great. Like usual.” I rolled my eyes.

Hyune ignored me. “Have you been crying?”

This got everyone’s attention and they all suddenly looked very concerned. I waved their concerns away shaking my head. “Yeah. I watched a sad movie last night. It got me right in the feels.”

“You watched a sad movie for cat movie Friday? Why?”

I swear. “I didn’t do it on purpose! I just chose one at random and it happened to be sad. And then I couldn’t just stop watching because then I wouldn’t know what happened and it would bother the hell out of me!”

“Whatever, who cares. Where’s Cheese?” Lino asked. I glared at him. I know he cared about me, but sometimes his words did hurt a little.

“I’m hanging up.” I announced.

“No, wait, I’m sorry! It is good to see you too, just I need my fix of Cheese too, you know.” Lino was quick to back step.

I sighed at moved so Cheese was in the frame too. He was sleeping peacefully on the empty side of my bed, one of his blankets curled around him like a nest and him nestled inside nice and toasty warm.

There were 3 collective ‘awwwws’ which made Cheese crack an eye open before stretching out his front paws and yawning.

I did have to admit I saved the video and all the photos I could of the kitten interview on my phone. They were truly adorable and the interactions with them were funny as hell. Chan was such a little baby when it came to their sharp claws. And Lino was just chilling there like an expert cat whisperer playing with them and keeping them calm in his arms.

You would think Chan would be in better practice in dealing with cats now that he has lived with Cheese for so long, but apparently not. And Hyune was really about to love all Cheese privileges if he says one more thing about dogs being better than cats. That’s a crime in this house. And I will not stand for it!

A/N: Cheese is back home from his wandering! Now we can get back into his more fun shenanigans!

I hope you enjoyed and as always thank you for any and all interactions

Skz + pets masterlist

Taglist: @whatdoyouwanttocallmefor

[nella09archive]

Marriage. 89

Chapter 89: Fall Festival

After what happened at the Halloween party, Sharpner didn’t stop bring up how I should join the martial arts club. I kept telling him no, that I enjoy the debate club. I was impressed that Videl also join, instead of going back to the martial arts club. This month topic was based on the many different civilizations there were, and how they came together. A few actually caught my attention. Like the different barbarian tribes. The way the books describe these tribes sounds like someone I know.

After a long day of school and crimefighting, I made my way home. When I got home, I was greeted by grandpa, and my questions from earlier came up. After dinner, turns out grandpa was staying over for the weekend. The next day was Saturday. Mom went shopping with dad, and grandpa tried to spend time with us. That’s when I finally asked. “Grandpa, do know anything about the Mongolian?” he spit out his tea, and looked away. I was just about to ask more on the subject, till mom came home. So, I asked her the question.

“Yes. Actually, you can say that you and Goten have their blood running in your blood.” I then looked back at grandpa. “It’s kind of how you could explain why dad, and I are the way we are. Even though, I’m actually short, if you go by my mother’s side. Isn’t that what you told me, dad?” now I was left confused.

After grandpa explained that grandma was part of amazon tribe, before she ran away from home. So, if that’s the case, that would mean both my parents comes warriors. Dad is from an alien race, and mom is from an earth tribe. Later that afternoon, I called Videl about what I found out. I also build the courage to asked her to join my family for the yearly fall festival. She was shock who my grandfather was, also I was happy she said yes to the invite.

…

I can’t believe she got her dad to watch the boys. Also, the fact she’s making me go shopping with her. Especially after the fact, she was surprised that I sold a few animals, and wood. When I told her that, she got so excited, and suggested we went shopping. She soon after she made a few calls, and got me to wear something I haven’t in a long time. Casual clothes feels weird, and the look she gives me actually make my face feel hot. “Is my Goku blushing?” It just made my face hotter. Moments like this always remind me of the first time we went shopping.

As we take nimbus to West City, Chichi tells me how excited she is. I asked why, and she explain about the fall festival next week. “Oh yeah. We missed the summer one.” That’s when she hugged me tighter. “This will be my first festival back.” The rest of the trip was quiet, but I couldn’t help have a small smile. My first festival alive again, and with Goten no less.

While I follow her around the mall, I couldn’t help enjoy my wife’s enjoyment. Before I used to hate shopping with her, but now I just can’t help enjoy it. Seeing her go through the shops was a joy to watch now. The things I didn’t think I would actually miss; I missed the most. I even suggested a few things here and there. Which shock Chichi. “You sure the green would look nice?” I nod my head. Seeing her smile was just perfect.

…

Today was just perfect. Not only did Goku not complain about going shopping, he also help pick things out. I can’t believe it. He actually help pick out the perfect color for the family’s new kimonos. I even noticed a lot of females giving my husband naughty looks, and looking jealous of me. This felt nice. Almost like I’m showing off my perfect looking husband.

When we get home, Gohan asked questions. Boy, it’s been years that I had talked about that. I never really thought I would have to tell my boys, but it felt good. Once Goku helped me put what we bought away, I start to leave the room. I was going to head downstairs, to make lunch, but was stopped by my husband. “Goku, let me go. I have to get started on lunch.”

“Not until I get a kiss.” I was about to protest, till I saw the face he was giving me. I felt his thumb rub my cheek. “You look so happy today.” I couldn’t help blush, as I tell he’s the reason why. “No, I’m not.” I tell him that he is, and then I gave him a quick kiss. I tried to escape, and he holds my hips. He started kissing my neck. “Can I get another?” I couldn’t stop giggling at that. “Come on. Just one more.” I give him a kiss on the check. He lets me go, and I’m just left smiling as I went downstairs. The rest of the day went by smoothly. Videl even stopped by, to study with Gohan, and stood for dinner. Such a sweet girl.

…

This is going to be my first festival with dad. I’m so excited. After mom helped me, with my kimono, me and Goten were sitting on the couch for our parents. When mom came back downstairs, she looked so pretty. Usually mom always looks pretty, but this time she seem to be glowing. She was even wearing flowers in her hair. I never seen those before. Even Gohan looked impressed by mom’s beauty. Just then Videl came, and so, we all went to grandpa’s kingdom together.

I mostly stood close by to mom, but eventually I was allowed to go exploring on my own. There were a lot of fun games, and I even played with other kids. But as I played, I started hearing whispers. “Did you hear? He finally came back.” “I wonder why he stood away longer this time.” “I bet she finally had enough and forced him back.” “She probably finally admitted that she’s awful at being a single mother.” The grownups were even laughing. And whenever I tried to find out who was laughing, all the grownups had turned away.

So, I went in search of mom. When I found her, she and dad were on a bench. He was wiping her tears, and telling her it was ok. Dad looked very upset about something. That’s when I noticed that Gohan and Videl was also there. I walked over to Gohan, and asked what happened. “Nothing to worry about squirt. Are you having fun?” I told him yeah. Well, until, I heard grownups talking about someone. That’s when Gohan’s smile went away, and dad really looked angry.

“Goku, don’t. Please.” When I looked over to my parents, mom was holding dad’s hand. He was standing, and looked very angry. What’s going on? “Goku, it’s ok. Lets just enjoy the rest of the festival as a family.” He gave mom one more look before nodding. As we went back, dad still didn’t look relax. So, I tried to grab his hand. Lucky for me, when he looked at me, he started smiling. He then picked me, and we went to play games. The rest of the festival was fun. On the way back home, I had fell asleep in dad’s arms.

…

When we got to the festival, dad insisted that the girls go ahead of us. And that they should take Goten, too. I was going to ask what he was planning, when he suddenly dragged me along somewhere. We soon came upon a small booth, with cups stacked up. “Oh, I must be going insane. Is that really you, Goku?”

“Yeah. In the flesh. I see you still run this fun game.” They both laughed. Who was this guy?

“So, I assume you want to try your hands on getting this year’s prize?” The old man began to chuckle. “Well, I do have 7 years’ worth of prizes. How bout I let you take 7 shots. On the house.” He held a big smile.

“I couldn’t. Besides I’m not the one who’s going to be playing.” The old man looked confused, till he saw me. He then smiled, and placed 7 small balls on the counter. “Is it still 50 yen?”

“Na. It’s on the house.” Dad told him thanks. Then dad looked at me, and told me how this game worked. Before long I was walking away with 7 boxes. I was still in shock that dad made me do that. I was even surprised what the prizes were.

“So, that’s how you got mom the crystal flowers.” Dad was blushing as he nodded. “Thanks dad.” As we went in search of the girls, we couldn’t stop over hearing the gossip going around. These people still can’t say anything nice about dad, or mom. When I looked to dad, he showed signs of being upset. He then said that we better hurry, and find mom. I nodded, and we followed her ki. When we found her, Videl was holding her back. When I looked across from them, there was a lady holding her nose. You can tell she was bleeding. Oh boy. This is bad. Mom heard the whispers, or that lady got in mom’s face.

I then felt dad’s ki was raising, and when I looked next to me, he was flickering. Oh no. Not good. I quickly tried to help Videl, and got mom. Dad followed as I tried to find a bench mom could sit on. When we got away, was when mom finally started crying. Also, dad just went full on super sayian, and looked ready to go back into the festival. Not good at all. I had to quickly pull dad’s attention back to a crying mom. Before long, dad was trying his best to calm mom down, and that’s when Goten appeared. When he told us that he heard people whispering about someone, dad got upset again. Thankfully mom stopped him. Once everyone was calm, we tried to enjoy a bit more of the festival.

Afterwards, I was flying with Videl to her home. It was silent for a while. “I’m sorry about that.”

“About what?”

“What happened with mom. The villagers always used to talk about my parents. I actually thought they stopped after the cell games. Guess I was wrong.”

“Don’t sweat it. Beside that lady had it coming. Saying stuff how your mom is only dressing up, because she finally dragged your dad back. I actually was going to punch her.” We then both smiled. “So.” I looked at her. “Are you going to tell me what’s in that bag, you been carrying around?” That’s when I finally remembered what was in my hands. I felt my face start burning, as I tried saying how it was for her. We stopped flying, and she took the bag from me.

I felt my anxious as I watched her open the bag. When she pulled out the first box, I could practically hear my heart beating in my ears. When she opened it, she looked shock, then her face became unreadable. She then put it back in the bag. Oh no! Does she not like it? I started to panic, and failed to noticed that she flew closer to me. When I did notice she was super close to me, I could still see the unreadable expression. She really doesn’t like it.

…

When we finally got home, I placed Goten to bed. Afterward I met with Chichi, in our room. I was still highly upset on what happened. I just couldn’t believe it. The moment I walked into our room, I was greeted with arms holding me. I looked down and saw that my little wife was crying. I hugged her, and rubbed her back. I still can’t believe those people still talk bad about Chichi. Even worst that the boys were there. I started feeling my anger raising again. They made Chichi cry. They spoke badly about her around the boys. It always got me so mad when they did that around Gohan. And now they have the nerve to do so around Goten. I thought they would have stopped, especially how Piccolo stood up for Chichi. When I did it, nobody listened. When he did it, everyone went quiet for a long time.

“Goku.” I snapped back to reality, and looked to see Chichi looking up at me. “Want a snack?” I was completely thrown off by that. I said no; how I just wasn’t in the mood. She then looked even more upset. “I said. Do you want a snack?” Uh? I tried saying no again, only for her to start crying. I finally said yes, and we went to the kitchen.

Snack ended up being a full meal. She sat on my lap, and fed me. Every time I took a bite, she kissed my cheek. I also fed her, and kissed her cheek. It was a nice peaceful moment. Soon enough Gohan walked through the front door. He had a big smile as he walked to his room. Guess Videl liked it. After the food was done, I carried Chichi to our room. “You feeling better?” I told her yeah, and kissed her forehead. “We’re officially never going back there again.” I agreed with her.

When we got to our room, I was about to carry her to our bed, when she whispered that I should lock the door. Well then. I excitedly lock the door and asked what else she wanted. We ended up taking a quick shower together, before I had her all to myself, in our bed. As I loving thrust into her, she wouldn’t let my lips go. This was a very good ending to an awful day.

…

I can’t believe it. During the 7 years Goku was gone, nobody said anything. I did notice the pity looks everyone gave me. But I always paid no mind, as I made sure the boys always had fun. But the first festival Goku is back, everyone starts talking again. And one person had the nerve to speak badly to my face. Thankfully Videl was there. I know I was extremely upset, but when I saw how it affected Goku it made me feel even worst. Goku hates it when they talk about me, and even worst around Gohan. Not only was he tried to calm me down, I tried calming him down. But when Goten said that, it really angered Goku.

My dear husband. I’m so happy that Goten didn’t leave his side, as we tried enjoying the rest of the festival. But the moment we came home, I could tell it still bothered him. He went to tuck Goten to bed, as I went to undo my hair. When I heard Goku coming upstairs, I waited for him by our door. He tries so hard to make everyone happy, so I’m going to do the same. He’s so upset that he doesn’t want to eat. That just won’t do.

I finally got him to eat something. I was even sitting on his lap, as I fed him, and kissed his cheek. His mood was starting to improve. He even started feeding me, and giving me kisses. The moment Gohan came home, he was smiling, which made us smile. As we watched our son, make his way to his room, we couldn’t help smile at him. “Our little Gohan is growing up so fast.” I then felt a kissed on my neck. I looked to Goku, and he held the sweetest smile. “All thanks to his wonderful mommy.” I felt myself blush at that. I tried telling him that he also helped. “No. You did most of the work.” I shook my head and kept saying how he also helped. He then kisses my lips.

After we finished eating, I went about washing the dishes. Goku even helped. The moment felt super peaceful. I was quite happy, and when I looked to Goku, he looked happy too. “Almost feels like nothing ever happened to our family.” I then felt him kiss my forehead. “I sometimes wonder if this is what it would have been like if everything didn’t happened.” He then hugged me from behind, and kissed my neck. He sway us back and forth, and kept kissing my neck. It soon ended up with him carrying me, and sharing kisses as we made our way to our room.

Inside I told him to lock the door, and then we went to take a shower. Inside the shower he cleaned me. Well, not at first. But every touched was gentle, and the way his fingers worked me was madding. He was also nipping and licking my neck. Especially given extra attention to his mark. “I love you.” I told him I love him too. After the shower, we ended up on the bed, where he showered me with love. I didn’t want to let him go. As he thrust into me, I kept his lips to mine. The rest of the night was peaceful as we snuggle together.

…

She kissed me. It threw me off guard, but it made me so happy. So, she did like it. When we made it to her home, we ended up talking in her room. I don’t know how it happened, but I had in my lap as held her close. Holding her like this felt super nice. We were just talking about different topics, even about a project that was coming up. She would sometimes even kiss my cheek, and I felt my cheek burning.

When she kiss me again, I turned my face in time that our lips touch. It felt electric. We kept dropping kisses on each other’s lips. Soon our tongues dance together, and my tongue tasted all inside her mouth. When we finally parted, we were breathless. Plus, her eyes looks so dreamy, that I could just get lost in them. Without thinking, I pressed my lips against hers again. We kept kissing till we heard a knock at her door. We started to laugh, as I let her get the door. It was her dad, and I greeted him. He gave me a funny look, and then said I had to start leaving. I gave Videl one more hug, before I flew out the window.

As I flew home, I was so over the top happy. Not only did Videl like what I gave her, she also kissed me. Then we ended up having our first make out session. Today was full of so many emotions, but it ended on a high note. Once I was away from the city, I started doing summersaults in the sky as I continued flying home. “YAHOO!”

When I finally got home, I saw that my parents we downstairs, but I paid them no mind. As I basically skipped to my room, I couldn’t stop the smile on my face. Once inside my room, all I could think about was Videl.

-----

Ch88

[damonalbarn]

Hey I was wondering if you knew the article that Justine spoke about suzi in?!

It was in The Guardian in 2000. Here you go:

Sweet revenge

In the mid 90s, Justine Frischmann and Damon Albarn were the First Couple of Britpop. Then he used a Blur album to rake over their break-up, while she languished in obscurity amid rumours of heroin addiction. Now she's back with a new album, and it's her turn to exorcise her demons.

Caroline Sullivan

Friday March 24, 2000

As Alison Moyet once said, it's hard to write a decent song when you're happy. Rock bands thrive on romantic turmoil in their private lives, without which they would be reduced to padding out lyrics with football scores and the weather.

Thus it was for Blur's Damon Albarn in mid-1998 when he sat down to write what would become the 13 album. His eight-year relationship with Justine Frischmann of the chart-topping Elastica, whom he once described as **"the only person who's ever been completely necessary to me" **had just ended, at her instigation. Pained and humiliated, he decided to exact revenge by exposing their most intimate details to public scrutiny.

The outcome? Embarrassment for Frischmann, a number one album for Blur and a bit of a result for Albarn.

Break-up albums are by definition both embittered and yearning - in the case of Marvin Gaye's vindictive Here, My Dear, they're just plain nasty - but 13 got more up-close and personal than could be considered gentlemanly. Albarn portrayed his former partner as neurotic, even slipping apparent drug references into the single Tender: "Tender is the ghost, the ghost I love the most/Hiding from the sun, waiting for the night to come". Frischmann was the ghost, supposedly, who was on the verge of being consumed by what one music paper euphemistically called "the darkness at the heart of Elastica".

Frischmann's response can be found on a song called The Way I Like It, which appears on Elastica's first album in five years, The Menace (out next month): "Well, I'm living all right and I'm doing okay/Had a lover who was made of sand, and the wind blew him away".

This is unlikely to be her last word on the subject. As she ambivalently begins her first round of interviews since 1996, she's finding that everyone has the same three questions. Why did Elastica nearly sabotage a promising career by taking so long to follow up their million-selling debut? Had Frischmann taken leave of her senses when she walked out on Mr Britpop? And what about the drug rumours?

"One journalist said to me, 'Dahling, I heard you were on heroin - Mahvelous!' " she says with some amusement. "Drugs are around, but I'm not that interested and never have been, although there have been elements of party animal in my band. The rumours are a lot to do with rock'n'roll mythology, where people want to believe you're having a more exciting time than you are."

The only drugs on her person today, as she perches on the edge of an armchair in her publicist's north London living room, are Marlboro Lights. Her other indulgences are two cups of herbal tea and a Cadbury's Flake cupcake, which she nibbles with well-bred pleasure. Her dark eyes are clear, and her long, tanned body is a testament to the virtues of a daily swim in a pool near her Notting Hill home. Only Elastica know whether they really succumbed to heroin and hedonism after their self-titled debut made them more famous than they'd ever expected to be, but if they did, Frischmann, 30, seems little the worse for it.

Given the current predominance of damnable boy bands, the Britpop mid-90s are beginning to seem like a halcyon period for English music. It was a time when the underground went overground, and a self-described "little punk band" like Elastica could sell 80,000 albums in a week.

More than a few loser guitar groups saw Britpop as a licence to print money, but Elastica, led with cool elan by the androgynous Frischmann, were one of its gems. The Blur connection was a marketing godsend (Frischmann and Albarn met on the London indie circuit, she as guitarist in an early line-up of Suede and girlfriend of frontman Brett Anderson, he as a cherubic baggy hopeful), yet the spiky-haired Elastica LP embodied that euphoric time like nothing else.

Frischmann, guitarist Donna Matthews, drummer Justin Welch and bassist Annie Holland were unprepared for the album soaring to number one in its first week. When they signed their record deal, Frischmann, whose great-grandfather was a conductor of the Tsar's orchestra at the Summer Palace in Byelorussia, was five years into an architecture degree at London University. A liberal north London Jewish upbringing - her engineer father built the Oxford Street landmark Centrepoint - had instilled expectations of success, but the reality of being photographed in the supermarket and having her rubbish stolen was a shock. Fiercely independent, she also resented her unsought role as half of Britpop's First Couple.

There was more. Two of Frischmann's musical heroes, The Stranglers and Wire, decided that two Elastica songs were suspiciously similar to two of their own tracks, and won royalties. Meanwhile, there were malicious rumours that Albarn had done much of the work on the record. He hadn't, but he did find Justine's success in America, where she was substantially out-selling Blur, hard to endure.

"It was very hard for him to deal with and he's very confrontational," she says, with the flattering openness of someone who prefers interviews to be more like conversations. She admits she often says too much, but in an era of image control and spin, her honesty makes her a one-off. Not that she's likely to land herself in it too badly - she possesses the intellectual ammunition to look after herself, which must have been instrumental in attracting two of rock's more articulate stars, Albarn and Anderson.

She's been accused of being a professional rock girlfriend, though it was probably they who were lucky to get her. She spent the cab ride over reading the Sylvia Plath letters in Monday's Guardian, and muses on the irony of the poet's subjugating herself to Ted Hughes when she was the more gifted. (Her new boyfriend, by the way, is an unknown photographer, "though that'll probably change, because men seem to get famous when I go out with them".)

"I reacted the way a lot of women do, by being passive," she continues. "He put a lot of pressure on me to give up Elastica. He said, 'You don't want to be in a band, you want to settle down and have kids.' " In so many words? "In so many words. He kept putting on pressure till I started to believe him." She adds bemusedly: "I've met his new girlfriend, and one of the first things she said was that he wanted her to give up travelling with her work to stay home with the baby [Missy, born last autumn]. I'm surprised he's got away with being thought of as a nice person for so long."

After 18 months, during which they did seven American and three Japanese tours, Elastica came off the road to record company demands for an immediate second album. Annie Holland's response was to quit the group, while Donna Matthews became renowned for hard partying on the nocturnal west London scene. They lethargically recorded some demos, but their heart wasn't in it. By 1997, when a second album should have been ready to go, Frischmann and Matthews were barely speaking, and there was nothing useable down on tape.

Holland's replacement, Sheila Chipperfield (of the circus Chipperfields), was deemed not good enough and left by mutual consent. By 1998, their continued lack of productivity was being likened to the Stone Roses' lengthy and ultimately self-destructive holiday between their first and second LPs.

"I didn't think Elastica were going to continue at that point, and we did kinda split up," she says, absently stroking her publicist's cat. Frischmann is a cat person; she's owned a tabby called Benjamin since she was 10. "Unconditional love," she coos. The pet's place in her life is so assured that prospective boyfriends are subjected to his feline scrutiny before she'll go out with them.

On top of everything else, in early 1998 her relationship with Albarn was in trouble. Frischmann retains enough of the indie ethic to detest the phenomenon of celebrity couples, and was dismayed when they became one. "I really hated the tabloid interest, and I went out of my way not to be photographed with him. Only about three pictures of us together exist, I think. In many ways, I think the media interest broke us up, because it made me feel the relationship was quite ugly, and I had to get away from it. There were other factors, too, obviously, because we were together for eight years, and I finally felt it was better the devil you didn't know, really."

Albarn's ego seems to have been severely undermined by having a girlfriend who was nearly as successful as he was, and something of a sex symbol to boot. Despite adopting a resolutely boyish T-shirt-and-jeans uniform, she's thoroughly feminine, a mix that got her voted fifth most fanciable woman in a lesbian magazine.

"I'm completely heterosexual, so I didn't know how to take that. It scares the shit out of me, the idea of being with a girl. I'm glad I've narrowed it down to half the people in the world."

She seems to view Albarn with indulgent exasperation these days, simultaneously praising his intelligence ("The Gallaghers just couldn't compete") and ticking off his flaws. "Damon adores being in the press, and sees all press as good press. He orchestrated that rivalry thing with Oasis. He really wanted kids, and I didn't feel our relationship was stable enough. He was a naughty boy, and he wasn't the right person to have kids with. I had this cathartic moment..."

At which point they split up. Albarn wrote 13 and then met Suzi Winstanley, an artist. "She was pregnant within three months," Justine observes wickedly.

Of the acclaimed 13, she's tactful, describing several songs as "really lovely". She studies her cigarette for a while before adding, "but I'm cynical about selling a record on the back of our relationship". But you're doing the same now. "It's true, but at the time I had no right of reply."

Elastica finally pulled themselves together last year, just as the music industry was about to write them off (their American label had already "very kindly let us go", as she puts it). Holland rejoined, Matthews went to Wales to sort out her life and the band banged out an EP and played the Reading Festival. Things came together quickly after that. They spent the last £10,000 of the recording budget on re-recording a dozen tracks, finishing the album, after years of procrastinating, in six weeks. They've called it The Menace "because that's what it was like to make".

It's dark and resolutely uncommercial - all wrong for 2000's pop-oriented climate. It's unlikely to match the success of the first one, which is fine with them. Call it (though Justine doesn't) their White Album. Its 70s punk aesthetic brings to mind angry girls such as the Slits and the Au Pairs, although the defining mood isn't anger so much as catharsis. None of the songs is specifically about Albarn, she claims. "The dark feeling is due to the sense of isolation, tasting success and getting frightened by it. I was questioning whether I wanted to be in a band any more, and there was no one I could ask for advice. Getting success and everything you ever dreamed about is hard to handle, and makes you question everything."

She's better prepared for success, if it comes again, this time. Already the privacy-preserving barriers are in place. The next interview of the day is with Time Out magazine, which wants a list of her favourite restaurants. "I'm not telling them where I eat," she says reflexively. "I'm gonna lie."

[sunshineandaisies]

Dirty Paws & Wet Kisses

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (Modern AU)

Words: ~3.7k

Warnings: language, floofs and fluff

Note: if you ever read anything written by me that includes dogs, their names will always be kinda extra or related to historical figures (i.e. my dog is actually named Theodore Roosevelt) and I will try my best to make their names increasingly extra with every fic that involves dogs

You’d argue that your four year old sheperd mix was the most well behaved dog in all of New York until your dying breath.

Most days.

During your weekly trips to the park on Sunday afternoons, she would sit at your feet, lounging in the sun as she watched joggers go by and playfully saying hello to anyone - be they human or dog - that stopped by to pet the pretty pup while you read whatever book you’d picked up from the bookstore earlier that week.

Sure, there were a few times that she would whine and stare down any squirrel that strayed too close to her, but she never left your side.

Maybe that’s why you had grown so complacent, why you’d stopped looping her leash around the bench to secure her to your side and simply kept the leash within your reach beside you on the seat of the bench.

And it was because of that complacency that you were sprinting across the park, chasing your naughty dog and drawing judgemental stares from other park-goers.

“Hazel!” you called after her. “Hazel, I swear to god I’m taking all your toys away when we get home!” Right after you took a nice long bath to soothe your aching muscles. When was the last time you’d run this much?

You lost sight of her when she disappeared around a hedge, and the internal panic that set in was almost worse than the time that you accidentally emailed your creative writing professor the Harry Potter fanfiction you’d written instead of your final paper. (You still got an A on the assignment, but that’s besides the point).

You see her as soon as you round the corner, happily licking at a stranger’s face as she sat between his legs, and-

Holy shit, your dog led you to the most attractive man you’ve ever seen.

The stranger took note of you before you had a chance to say anything, and he raised his brow at you while angling his face away from Hazel’s kisses. “Does this belong to you?” he asked, pinching the tags on Hazel’s collar between his thumb and two fingers. “Hazelnut Mocha.” He snorted. “Is that your dog’s name or your Starbucks order?”

You weren’t sure if it was the amused smile that curled his lips or the quirk of his brow, but his teasing made you feel personally attacked. You crossed your arms across your chest. “Maybe it’s both.”

He shrugged, scratching the spot behind Hazel’s ear. “I suppose that’s one way to never forget your dog’s name or your coffee order.”

You hummed noncommittally before approaching and tugging Hazel away from the handsome stranger. It took considerably more effort than you had thought it would. “I’m really sorry about her,” you apologized. “She’s never like this. I don’t really know what happened.”

He brushed your apology off with a smile. “Don’t worry about it. If a cute girl wants to give me kisses, I certainly won’t complain.” He winked at you, and you wanted to just melt on the spot.

“Well, uh, I should, um-” You cleared your throat, stepping away and dragging a disappointed Hazel along with you. “Again, I’m really sorry. Even if you didn’t mind.”

You turned and hurried away before his smile made your mind any more frazzled.

Two weeks passed before you decided to show your face at the park again, and this time, you were sure to secure Hazel’s leash to your bench, ensuring that there would be no chases across the park and embarrassing encounters with handsome strangers.

The pup resigned herself to her fate and laid at your feet in the grass, her tongue lolling out of her mouth and her golden eyes shining in the sunlight. She greeted the other dogs that passed, and you thought nothing of it until you heard someone call her name.

Well, shit. You knew that voice. That voice had haunted your dreams for three nights straight after the incident two weeks ago.

“How have you been, pretty girl?” he asked, and you hesitantly lifted your gaze from your book to see him knelt in front of you, patting Hazel’s head as she yipped happily and dragged her tongue over his face in sloppy kisses.

Despite your proclivity to stare at handsome men that showered your dog with attention, your eyes were dragged away from the pair when a wet nose nudged your leg. “Well hello there,” you greeted the brown and white dog that sought your attention. You quickly marked your page and returned your book to your bag before petting your newest furry companion. “What’s your name, handsome?”

“Bucky,” the stranger answered.

You glanced up at him briefly before turning your attention back to the brown and white dog. “Aren’t you a handsome boy, Bucky. Yes, you’re so handsome,” you cooed. The stranger chuckled, and you glanced up expecting to see Hazel mauling him with more sloppy kisses, but instead, he was staring at you, amusement dancing in his blue eyes. “What?”

“I’m Bucky,” he clarified before nodding towards the dog. “That’s Dodger.”

“And you just assumed that I was talking about you when I called him handsome?”

And in complete contrast to how he had acted in your previous interaction, he actually looked embarrassed, nervously scratching the back of his neck while fending off even more kisses from Hazel. “I seem like a complete asshole, don’t I?” he asked sheepishly.

You laughed. “Well, I mean… Don’t let this go to your head or anything, but I suppose you are kind of handsome, too. You know, in a handsome stranger kind of way.” You felt your cheeks flood with warmth, and you averted your gaze, hoping he didn’t see just how flustered you were after your admission. You tried to breeze past it altogether by giving all of your attention to Dodger once again, petting him and praising him for being such a sweet boy.

After a moment of you and Bucky speaking only to each other’s dogs, you cleared your throat and commented, “I didn’t realize you had a dog. Was he at the park with you the day that Hazel practically assaulted you?”

“He’s not my dog.”

You blinked. “Oh. Is he your girlfriend’s dog?”

And just like that, all hints of embarrassment disappeared from his face. He quirked a brow and smirked at you. “My girlfriend?”

“Or boyfriend,” you added hastily.

He snorted and shook his head. “It depends on who you ask.”

You cocked your head to the side, and the action conjured up an image of Hazel doing the same whenever you would try to hold an actual conversation with her. “Uh, what?”

His gaze flitted to the ground as he smiled an amused little smile that had you biting your lip and shamelessly staring at the man. “It’s a bit of a joke among my friends,” he began. “Dodger is my buddy Steve’s dog. Some of our friends like to make it seem like we’re dating, but we definitely aren’t. We just know each other way too well.” His smile widened when he looked back up at you. “So to answer the question that you indirectly asked-”

You furrowed your brows in confusion. “What?”

“-I’m single, sweetheart.”

You gaped at him, trying to form an appropriate response. This man was frustrating - frustratingly handsome, frustratingly smug, frustratingly able to read you like a goddamn open book. How dare he correctly assume you were trying to figure out if he was single or not?

The sound of a phone ringing interrupted your thought process, and Bucky gave you an apologetic look after glancing down at his phone. “I gotta take this,” he told you. You heard him greet the other person on the other end of the call before calling for Dodger. As he turned to go, he paused for a moment, pressed the phone against the front of his shirt to muffle the receiver, and called over his shoulder. “See you around, Hazel and Hazel’s mom.”

Right. You never gave him your name.

You were cursing yourself for nearly a month for not getting his phone number before he disappeared, and you’d be lying if you didn’t admit that you had a smidge of hope that you’d run into him at the park again... But alas, no luck.

You were starting to think that you’d never see your handsome park stranger - although, he wasn’t really a stranger anymore, was he? - but exactly 37 days after your last encounter with Bucky (aka handsome park stranger), Hazel brought you back together in the most heart attack inducing way she could manage.

You’d been sitting on the patio of your favorite little cafe, catching up with Carol and Val over coffee and fluffy pastries, and Hazel had been behaving herself aside from the occasionally whining and begging when any of you would touch your food.

She was behaving until she wasn’t.

You still don’t really know what set her off, but one moment she was sitting prettily and staring up at you with her golden eyes and the next she was breaking free from her leash and sprinting down the street and out of your sight.

You posted on social media asking everyone to be on the lookout for your Hazel and called your friends to help you search for her. You spent hours walking up and down the city streets and through the park that you frequented with Hazel. You called all of the shelters and animal control to see if anyone had brought Hazel to them instead of calling you. You talked to anyone and everyone that you passed on the street, asking if they’d seen your girl.

You tried so much to get your girl back, but nothing panned out.

You were in tears and your feet were sore from walking all over the goddamn city by the time you and the others returned to your apartment, resigned to wait for someone to contact you. Just as you were about to say goodnight to everyone and turn in for the night (read: cry yourself to sleep), your phone rang, and an unfamiliar number flashed across the screen. You shushed your friends and answered the phone.

Please be someone who found Hazel. Please be someone who found Hazel. Please be someone who found Hazel.

“Hey, sweetheart.” Your heart leapt into your throat at the sound of his voice, and for a moment you forgot that you had just been on the verge of a panic attack. “Take a deep breath for me, okay. I can practically feel you panicking through the phone. I have Hazel. She’s okay.”

“Thank you,” you breathed, nodding at your friends in response to their questioning looks. “Thank you so much, Bucky. Is she okay? Where did you find her? Should I meet you somewhere?”

He chuckled. “She’s fine. A little dirty, but she’s fine. As for where I found here...Well, I think your dog has a little crush on me, sweetheart.”

You grabbed your jacket from the coat rack and slipped it on before grabbing your keys. “What does that mean?”

“I came home and found her wandering around the courtyard at my apartment.” He sounded far too amused with the situation, and you definitely weren’t feeling up to dealing with his smug attitude. “She certainly made herself at home here. I may need to fight for shared custody after this.”

You rolled your eyes. “Just tell me where I should meet you.”

“I’ll send you my address.”

And just as he had told you, as soon as you ended the call, he shared his location with you. You swiftly assured Carol and Val that Hazel was okay, and you asked them to lock up when they left before beginning your walk to Bucky’s apartment.

Ten minutes later, you were sat on the floor of his living room, holding Hazel close to you and alternating between scolding her and telling her how much you love her as you tried to hold your tears at bay. Bucky sat on the couch, arms rested on his knees as he watched the teary-eyed reunion with a small smile curling his lips.

“You know, sweetheart,” he spoke up, drawing your attention away from Hazel, and you finally noticed the muddy paw prints on the front of his white tee. “I’m not much of a dog-person but-”

You gasped, covering Hazel’s floppy ears. “How dare you say such nonsense in front of Hazel!” You pressed a kiss between her eyes, whispering, “It’s okay, girl. Bucky didn’t mean it.”

“I did,” he countered, chuckling when you glared at him. “I’m more of a cat-person, but I suppose I can make an exception for Hazel. After all, she seems pretty attached to me. Not that I can blame her.”

You snorted and rolled your eyes. “She has awful taste in men,” you teased.

“I don’t know,” he argued. “People say that dogs are impeccable judges of character.”

You stood, dusting your jeans off and turned to face Bucky. “Thank you,” you told him, the sincerity clear in your voice. “I don’t know what I would have done if I couldn’t find her. I- I seriously owe you. Whatever you want, just name it.”

His blue eyes twinkled with mischief, and you immediately regretted your offer. “What about shared custody of Hazel?”

“Whatever you want that’s not that, just name it,” you amended.

“What about a date?” he asked instead.

Your eyes widened in surprise and you gaped like a fish, mouth opening and closing, opening and closing, over and over again as you tried to form a response. You certainly hadn’t been expecting that. He watched you with curious eyes, waiting patiently for your answer. Finally, the gears in your brain began to turn again and you answered, “As flattered as I am, I’m not really looking to date right now.”

Disappointment flashed across his features, but he smiled and all trace of disappointment was gone in an instant. “Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. You don’t owe me anything for being a decent person and making sure Hazel got back to you.”

You smiled softly at him, your fingers carding through Hazel’s fur. “Thank you, Bucky. Really.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

After that night - and after you and Bucky officially had each other’s numbers - you and he would text throughout the week, and you often sent him pictures of Hazel being increasingly goofy as the days wore on. You’d even invited him to the park one Sunday to see Hazel again, but he’d quickly turned you down, asking for a rain check.

He had a date, after all.

So instead, you took Hazel to the park and sent him pictures of the pretty pup lounging in the sunshine, greeting other dogs that passed by, and even licking the camera lens on your phone when she finally noticed you holding your phone out towards her to get the perfect angle. A smile never failed to appear on your face every time he sent a heart eyes meme in response.

Despite the near constant texting, you didn’t see Bucky again for over three weeks, and you’d only seen him because you had run into his friend Steve at the dog park.

It took a moment for you to realize that the brown and white dog that Hazel had instantly greeted once she’d been released from her leash was Dodger, but as soon as the realization sunk in, you looked around for Bucky.

There weren’t many people present, but you couldn’t find Bucky among the dog parents that lingered around the edges of the dog park.

You crouched down to greet Dodger, scratching him behind the ears and happily accepting his greeting kisses. “Hello, handsome. Is your uncle Bucky here?”

“Y/N?”

You turned your head in the direction of the voice, and you furrowed your brows when you saw a tall blond man that you didn’t recognize. Holy shit, was Hazel a handsome stranger magnet? “Do I know you?” you asked, doing your absolute best to keep your voice steady.

“Right, sorry,” he laughed. “I’m Steve. Bucky’s mentioned you a few times.”

You put two and two together quickly. “You’re Dodger’s dad!”

You spent the better part of the next hour chatting with Steve as Dodger and Hazel chased one another around the enclosed area, and you sent a picture of you and Steve to Bucky, happily claiming that Steve was telling you all of Bucky’s most embarrassing stories. (Bucky had sent a text to Steve within seconds of reading your text, but Steve refused to tell you what Bucky had said all while laughing so hard he nearly cried).

By the time Hazel and Dodger were laying at yours and Steve’s feet, panting and entirely worn out from an afternoon of playing, you were ready to say your goodbyes, but Steve quickly caught your attention before you could go.

“I’m meeting Bucky and a few other friends at the bar in about an hour. Would you be interested in getting a drink?” he asked, smiling so widely at you that you just couldn’t say no.

And that was how, after dropping Hazel off at home and making sure she was fed and had a full bowl of water, you found yourself at a sports bar, slinking through the Friday night crowd towards a table in the back.

You spotted Bucky immediately, and you smiled widely when his eyes widened and he choked on his beer before promptly standing to greet you. “What are you doing here, sweetheart?”

“Sweetheart?” you heard one of the men you didn’t recognize ask the others.

“Y/N,” Steve explained, and as if that was all they needed to know, the other two nodded. Steve smiled up at you, greeting, “Glad you found the place okay.”

Bucky quickly ushered you into the booth, sticking you between him and the only other woman present. As he introduced you to the others - Clint, Sam, and Nat - his arm snaked around your shoulders casually.

“So you’re the famous Y/N,” Sam asked, a teasing smile on his face as his gaze flitted from you to Bucky, and Bucky groaned in response.

You chuckled. “I wouldn’t necessarily say ‘famous’.”

“Oh, trust me,” Sam said, “as much as this guy talks about you, I’d say you’re pretty damn famous in our circle.”

You glanced at Bucky, biting your lip in a futile attempt to hide your amused smile. “Is that right?”

He huffed. “Hazel’s the real famous one, sweetheart.”

“Liar,” Nat accused. She turned to you, one perfectly shaped brow raising. “For weeks, it was Hazel’s mom this and Hazel’s mom that, and after that it was Y/N sent me this picture and Y/N told me this joke. I feel like I already know you, and I just met you.”

“So how’s Hazel?” Bucky asked in a clear attempt to change the topic. “Did she have a fun day with Dodger?”

You spent your evening getting to know Bucky’s friends better, sharing stories about Hazel, and listening intently anytime one of them told you a story about Bucky that had your sides aching from laughter. At the end of the evening, you had four new contacts in your phone and plans to meet up with Nat for lunch the following week.

“Need me to walk you home, sweetheart?” Bucky asked when you walked out together, but you shook your head.

“Nah.” You held up your phone, showing him the screen. “I got an Uber.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets, nodding. “Okay. Text me when you get home?”

“Of course.” A red Toyota Camry pulled up to the curb, and after confirming it was the car that was supposed to pick you up, you stepped towards it. Ever the gentleman, Bucky opened the door for you, and you slid into the backseat. “Good night, Bucky.”

It was while you laid in bed that night, unable to sleep while Hazel snored beside you, that you realized that the handsome park stranger - the one that was more of a cat-person but would make an exception for Hazel; the one that was dating Steve depending on who you asked; the one that was constantly talking about you to his friends so much that they felt like they already knew you - had wormed his way into your heart.

Did that make Hazel your wing-woman? She certainly did have a proclivity for bringing you and Bucky together, even in indirect ways.

He was on your mind all night and throughout the following day, and by the time your customary trip to the park rolled around on Sunday afternoon, you were buzzing with anticipation. Would he be there again? Would Hazel inexplicably get loose from her leash and lead you straight to the man that had you feeling like a teenager with a crush again?

As romantic as it might have been, you didn’t want to leave those answers up to fate. Instead, you sent him a text not long after you woke up, letting him know where he could find you if he wanted to see Hazel that afternoon.

Unsurprisingly, it was Hazel that saw Bucky first that afternoon when he arrived at the park, and unsurprisingly, she tore her leash from your grip and sprinted towards him, nearly tackling him as he crouched closer to the ground to greet her.

Surprisingly, you were actually jealous of your dog as you watched her give him sloppy, wet kisses.

“What’s that look for, sweetheart?” Bucky asked, angling his face away from Hazel. “Everything okay?”

“Quick question,” you told him. “Is that date still on the table?”

He grinned at you with that smug grin that you had scoffed at the day you first met, that same smug grin that made your heart flutter in your chest and made your breath catch in your throat and made you want to press kisses to his face and-

“I was wondering when you’d take me up on the offer, sweetheart.”

[justthehiddleswrites]

Accidentally Married | Tom Hiddleston x OFC | Chapter 8 | I  think my guest celebrity taste tester may have something to do with.

A/N:  Tom makes certain comments about an ex (who is unnamed).  It is a fictional girlfriend, take from it what you will.  Keep your hate to yourself.  This is the last chapter!  Thank you for sticking around! I maybe bring these two back for more adventures. 

SERIES MASTERLIST HERE

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x OFC (Molly Bishop)

Summary: Tom is stuck in a news cycle from hell; Molly is stuck in the dead end job of bartending with a pile of student and credit debt.  Tom has an idea to solve all their problems.  Get married, get the paparazzi off his back, divorce after a year and Tom pays off Molly’s debts.  Tom has everything figured out, that is until he sees Molly as more than a just a friend and so does someone else.  In this vying for affections who will win, the handsome Brit or the boy from Boston?

This Chapter: With feelings revealed and reciprocated, Tom and Molly move ahead in their relationship. Happily ever after?

Warnings: fake marriage, smut (vaginal sex), mentions of:  child abuse/neglect, foster care, substance abuse, cheating.

TAGLIST IS OPEN! PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED!  THANK YOU FOR READING!

--

Tom called Chris later that day and made apologies.

“Nah, man. I was out of line. Just wanted a bit of what you and Molly have. She’s a great girl.”

“She is. The best. No hard feelings?”

“Buy me a beer the next we meet?”

“I’ll buy you two. Thanks for understanding.”

“Just don’t tell Robert. I would never hear the end of it.”

“Of course. Now I have some things to attend to.”

“Tell Molly I have to raincheck on lunch. Sounds like she has more important things to do. “

Tom just smiled.

-

Three Months Later

“It’s so nice to have all you here.” Diana gazed around the table. “Emma, would you be a dear and clear the plates?”

Emma caught Tom’s eye, and he quickly got up. Molly choked on a roasted potato.

“I’ll take care of it, Mum.” Tom grabbed several dishes and disappeared into the kitchen.

Molly leaned over to Emma. “You know if you keep blackmailing Tom into doing all the chores around your mum, he’s going to keep being her favorite.”

“Tom!” Emma popped up as Molly smirked. “I’ll help too.” She jogged off to the kitchen to help.

“So what are you doing these days, darling? I noticed you haven’t had as much time for lunch.”

“I have been busy cooking.” Tom walked back in and Molly pulled him in for a kiss. “Tom suggested it.”

Tom sat back down and pulled Molly close to him. “Your food is too good not to share with the world, love.” Tom’s stubble tickled her cheek as he nuzzled in.

“Stop it!” She playfully smacked his chest. “It’s just a blog and an Instagram account. Nothing fancy.”

“You are too modest. An Instagram with over 500,000 followers. That is quite the accomplishment.”

“I think my guest celebrity taste tester may have something to do with.” Molly booped Tom’s nose. “In fact, I suspect you pushed for the Instagram account so you don’t have to update your own.”

Tom blushed. “You know I don’t care for the spotlight.”

Emma scoffed. “Lies. You are a grade A drama queen, Thomas.”

“Not anymore. Give me the quiet domestic life.” Molly leaned her head against his shoulder.

“Good.” Diana said. “Then next week’s dinner is at your house.”

“I can do that.” Molly responded. “I need some more guinea pigs.”

“Then it’s settled.” Diana smiled.

Tom whispered in Molly’s ear. “Should we tell them now?”

Molly nodded eagerly.

“Tell us what?” Emma’s head darted around. “The two of you aren’t pregnant, are you?” She squealed.

“Our family is expanding. We..” Molly said.

“Are…” Tom continued.

“Getting a Dog!” Molly finished.

“Well, it’s no grandchild, but a start.” Diana smiled.

“And the other surprise is…” Molly spied up at Tom.

“We’re getting married!” Tom waved his hands in the air. Emma and Diana stared at them. “What no celebration?”

“Well dear, it just that… aren’t you two already married?” Diana commented.

“We are but…” Tom nudged Molly.

“We realized that none of our friends and family were there to celebrate with us, so we decided to renew our vows.”

Diana clapped her hands together. “Oh, that is lovely, dears. A proper ceremony and reception.”

“I thought you would like that, Mother.” Tom added.

“You were right, Thomas. Now Molly, I realize you don’t have any family here, but if you’ll let I would love to help you with preparations, just your mother would.”

Molly sniffled. “I would like that very much. Thank you.”

“I’ll help too!” Emma added. “I love shopping.”

“Lord help my bank account.” Tom groaned.

-

They got back home late and Molly leaned against the door.

“That was a long day.” she sighed, dropping her purse to the ground. Tom caged her against the door. He nuzzled into her neck. “Tom, your whiskers tickle!” She squealed.

Tom kissed wet, sloppy kisses along her neck. “Then stop me.” He purred into her, hooking one of her legs around his waist. “You know my mum makes a good point.” His hands teased her shirt up and slipped underneath, caressing her warm skin.

“What was that?” She arched her back into his touch, reaching behind to grip his ass with both hands.

“We really should give her a grandchild….” Tom squeezed her breasts over her bra. “A little boy or girl with your eyes and my hair.” Tom muttered, rocking his hips against her.

“Not right now, but that doesn’t mean we can’t practice?” Her eyes twinkled.

“I like practice.” Tom lifted her up and carried Molly to their bedroom.

-

They set out the next day to the local animal shelter to pick out a dog. Molly was certain Tom would want a big dog, a golden retriever, or a Labrador.

“Because I’m a human golden retriever?” Tom questioned.

“Something like that.” Molly giggled. “Except I don’t have to leash you out in public.”

“Naughty, darling.” Tom nipped at her as he wrapped his arm around her waist.

“Only because your mind is in the gutter.”

They walked along the corridor of cages. Molly pointed out a setter, but Tom shrugged it off.

“I’ll know our dog when I see it.”

Molly and Tom rejected each dog as they passed, along with Molly pleaded for one in particular.

“But this little guy looks just like Chris’s dog, Dodger!” Molly pleaded.

Tom furrowed his brow. “Is that supposed to convince me to say yes?”

“Yes?” Molly asked hopefully. “I thought you two made up.”

“We did, but it doesn’t mean I want a dog just like his.”

“Fine.” Molly leaned down and patted the dog’s head. “Sorry, buddy. I tried.”

Tom spun around, arms wide. “Maybe we should go to another place, love?”

“We’re not done yet.” She shoved him down the way. “I have a feeling our dog is here.”

They finally made it to the last stall where a small brown ball of fur lay in the corner.

“Hey buddy.” Molly called out.

The puppy’s head popped up, and he trotted over, floppy ears and all.

“He’s a spaniel, Tom.” Molly commented as the puppy licked her hand. “And friendly too.”

“Oh, I like him.” Tom leaned down and extended his hand. He was rewarded with a copious amount of licks. “I like him a lot.”

“Is he the one?” Molly gazed up at Tom, who was smiling at the dog. She recognized that look, often been the recipient of that look.

“I think he is, darling.” Tom hugged her tight. “Definitely.”

They went to fill out the paperwork as they brought the puppy out.

“And what are we naming this little guy?” they asked as the puppy was handed over to Tom, with his too big paws for his body. The puppy caught Tom’s face with his tongue.

“I’ve always liked the named Bobby. What do you think?”

Molly scratched the puppy’s head. “Bobby. I like that. You ready to head home, Bobby?”

Bobby responded by barking.

“I’ll take that a yes.” Tom added. “He appears to be quite vocal.”

Molly groaned. “Just what I need, another Hiddleston male to yell at me.”

Tom leaned over to kiss Molly. “I promise never to yell at you again. And we can put Bobby in obedience school.”

Bobby barked again as Tom leaned over again and kissed Molly passionately.

“Perhaps you are the one in need of obedience school, Mr. Hiddleston.” she smirked.

“Only if you are my teacher, Mrs. Hiddleston.” Tom smirked right back.

[angelicamerlinbarnes]

Okay but like I feel like Diego is the kind of person to flirt with really bad pick-up lines and Klaus is just Not Having It

featuring: Diego being a flustered Mama's boy and Klaus being a disaster dumbass and the two of them being completely in love with each other anyway

DISCLAIMER: None of the pick-up lines are mine, but the responses and ensuing shenanigans are :)

(there's fifty of these so buckle up kids :) sorry not sorry <3)

seriously though some of these are really bad

#1: He A Snack

Diego: Baby, you belong in the vending machine because you’re a snack.

Klaus: Diego you know I’m claustrophobic.

Diego: Don’t you mean Klaus-trophobic??? *finger guns*

Klaus: *blinks*

Klaus: I want a divorce.

#2: I’m From Hell

Diego: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Klaus: I’m a veteran addict and abuse victim who can see ghosts, Diego.

Klaus: Everything hurts.

#3: Animal Puns

Diego: *points to TV screen playing the Discovery Channel* Hey Klaus.

Diego: You’re my otter half.

Klaus: Diego those are meerkats.

#4: Stars

Diego: The stars are beautiful tonight.

Klaus: Yup.

Diego: You know who else is beautiful?

Klaus: Ben.

#5: Get Out Your Handcuffs Mister

Diego: You’re under arrest… for stealing my heart.

Klaus: Diego you got kicked out of the police academy like five years ago, just give up.

#6: Bad Boys

Diego: *leaning against the doorframe like a moron* So. I hear you like bad boys.

Klaus: Diego you cried because you accidentally stepped on a bee last week.

Diego: Well yeah but -

Klaus: You held a funeral for it. You made us all speak. You had Allison fly in from California. It was a fucking bee, Diego.

Diego: … I wear leather?

Klaus: So does every other kid who shops at Hot Topic. You’re not special.

#7: Prince Charming

Diego: Your knight in shining armor is here -

Klaus: One, that’s a turtleneck, not armor.

Klaus: Two, you’re covered in blood. That’s the opposite of shiny.

Klaus: Three, you smell like dead fish. Go take a shower.

#8: Chemistry

Diego: Did we have a class together? Because I could’ve sworn we had -

Klaus: Chemistry? Yup. Also English and math and foreign languages and history and like every other fucking thing because we grew up in the same sadistic boarding school, Diego.

#9: The Store Can’t Just Give Away Things For Free. That’s A Terrible Way To Run A Business.

Diego: I like your pants.

Klaus: Thanks. I got them out of a dumpster. And yes, you can have them 100% off.

Diego: *voice cracks* Really?

Klaus: No.

#10: Boyfriend Material

Diego: My jeans are made of -

Klaus: You’re wearing leather pants Diego.

Diego: Okay but -

Klaus: So they’re made of leather and they’re not fucking jeans.

#11: Digits

Diego: I lost my phone number. Can I have -

Klaus: None of us have phones, Diego.

Diego: I can… buy us some?

Klaus: Fine. I want my number to be 1-420-420-4201.

Diego: Baby no.

Klaus: *pulling out the puppy dog eyes* Pwetty pwease?

Diego: Fine, but mine’s gonna be 1-696-969-6969.

Klaus: I love you so much. Marry me. Have my babies.

#12: Love At First Sight

Diego: Do you believe in love at first sight or -

Klaus: If I did I’d have already fallen in love with a lot of hot ghosts.

Diego: - should I walk by again?

Klaus: You’ve been pacing for the past ten minutes, Gogo. I think if it was gonna happen it would’ve by now.

#13: You Have Fine Written All Over You

Diego: Are you a parking ticket? Cause -

Klaus: Diego I can’t drive.

#14: His Eyes Are Green Not Blue You Dipshit

Diego: Your eyes are an ocean, and I’m lost at sea.

Klaus: ... can’t you, like, hold your breath forever?

Diego: *blinks* Baby, I love you, but you’re ruining this with our childhood trauma.

Klaus: Well since you’ve refused therapy I just thought this was the next best option.

Diego: I take back what I said about loving you.

#15: Math Is Dumb And I Wish School Would Stop Teaching It

Diego: Are you a forty-five degree angle?

Klaus: Actually, because humans have non-linear body shapes, it’s impossible for their specific angles to be measured -

Diego: Are you high or have you been defiling Five’s books again?

Klaus: *blinks* Why can’t it be both?

Diego: *rethinking life decisions*

#16: Baby I’m All Yours

Diego: Do you have a name?

Klaus: Klaus.

Diego: Or can I call you mine?

Klaus: I mean I prefer “baby”, but sure.

Diego: *super wide eyes* Really?

Klaus: *melts into a puddle of glitter* Yeah, Gogo.

#17: (Not) Bookworms

Diego: Thank god I brought my library card. Cause I’m here to check you out.

Klaus: *through a mouthful of waffles* God isn’t real. We all die and rot beneath the earth to be eaten by maggots. There is no such thing as a higher power.

Klaus: *swallows waffles and takes a really loud slurp of an orange juice and chocolate milk combo*

Klaus: Oh, and the library’s closed for renovations til, like, Christmas so you’re outta luck, sorry.

Diego: I thought you met god? Little girl on a bicycle?

Klaus: Her? Nah, only Satan’s got that much sass. Plus, that wasn’t heaven.

Diego: And you know this how?

Klaus: *squishes Diego’s face with both hands* Think about it. Do you really think dear ol’ dad’s in heaven?

Diego: Can you let of my face please?

#18: Bad Move, Buddy

Diego: Are you a pre-historic fossil? Cause you’re my missing link.

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus: Did you just call me old?

Diego, backing out of the room slowly: What? No! No of course not! No, obviously no, absolutely not -

Klaus: *releases savage war cry*

Diego: *runs for his goddamn life*

#19: I Rate This 0/10

Diego: Are you from Tennessee? Cause you’re the only -

Klaus: I don’t know where I’m from. I’m an orphan.

Diego: Oh… I know, baby -

Klaus: And the piece of shit that adopted me lived in New York anyway. We’re in New York right now actually. Do you need a geography lesson? I think Pogo’s got a map -

Diego: Klaus.

#20: Oh Shit

Diego: If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus: *tears up* I’m nothing?

Diego: Oh no. No no no. No, baby, you’re not nothing, don’t cry, I’m so sorry, that’s not what I meant, baby - oh my god please don’t cry -

#21: You’ve Got Everything I’m Searching For

Diego: Is your name Google? Because -

Klaus: Diego. For the last time…

Klaus: My name is Kimberly Linda Aerealia Ulysses Saffron Hargreeves the Twenty-Fourth. I don’t know why I need to keep explaining this to you -

Diego, kissing him quiet: You’re my favorite person in the world, you know that?

#22: Don’t Make Bets You’ll Lose, Luther.

Diego: Luther bet me a hundred bucks I couldn’t talk to the prettiest person here. How do you wanna spend his money?

Klaus: Drugs.

Diego: Baby -

Klaus: *beams* Nah, I’m just kidding. Stuffed giraffes.

Diego: *grins* For Five?

Klaus: *nods* For Five.

Diego:

Klaus:

Diego: He’ll hate them.

Klaus: Exactly. Let’s go.

#23: Deja Vu

Diego: Have we met before?

Klaus: Yes. Obviously. Are you also high?

Diego: No -

Diego: Wait, you’re high?

Klaus:

Diego:

Klaus:

Diego:

Klaus: No?

#24: Such An Optimist

Diego: Are you a time traveller?

Klaus: No, that’s Five.

Diego: Cause I think you’re my future!

Klaus: *stares blankly*

Diego: No? Nothing? Nada?

Klaus: In the future we’re all dead dipshit.

Klaus: Because. Ya know.

Klaus: THERE’S A FUCKING APOCALYPSE COMING.

Diego:

Diego: Okay then.

#25: Please Go To The Hospital.

Diego: Are you my appendix? Cause my stomach’s fluttering and I think I should take you out.

Klaus:

Klaus: Did you drink water from the fish tank again?

Diego: *turning green* Luther dared me to okay???!!!!

#26: Suicidal Tendencies

Diego: Hey gorgeous -

Klaus: Let me guess. I should drop dead?

Diego: What?! No! Baby -

#27: Infinitely On The Naughty List (And Not The Good Kind Of Naughty List (If There Is One I’m Asexual I Don’t Know))

Diego: Are you Santa Klaus? Cause you make all my wishes come true.

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus: You have five seconds to run.

Diego: *already two streets away* Fucking shit -

#28: You Can’t Use That Every Time We Have An Argument, Tony.

Diego: Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?

Klaus: I mean, there’s one in the corner of our living room right now, so I guess?

Diego:

Diego:

Diego:

Diego: *squeaks* You - you can see dinosaur ghosts?

Klaus: I mean, there’s a chance that thing Ben’s petting is just a super deformed ostrich, but yeah, I think so.

Diego:

Diego:

Diego:

Diego: *tearing up* That’s so cool.

#29: A Whole New Kind Of Thirst Trap

Diego: I’m thirsty. But guess whose body is 75% water?

Diego: *smirks*

Klaus: *frowns*

Klaus: Hold on, I know this one…

Diego: Klaus -

Klaus: *snaps fingers* Oh, I know! Luther!

Diego: *horrified* What the fuck Klaus why the fuck would you say that -

#30: What A Tragedy

Diego: You must be a campfire. Because you’re super hot and I want s’more.

Klaus:

Klaus: Diego sweetheart, you’re allergic to marshmallows.

Diego: *tearing up* I know.

Klaus: You wanna hug, baby?

Diego: *crying* Yes please.

#31: That Can’t Be Allowed

Diego: Don’t tell me if you want me to take you out to dinner. Just smile for yes, or do a backflip/somersault/counter-spin gymnastics combination for no.

Klaus: *smirks*

Klaus: *does a triple flip and lands perfectly on the top of the bar counter*

Diego: *turns bright red* That was h-h-hot.

Klaus: *beams and jumps down into Diego’s arms bridal-style*

Klaus: *kisses his cheek* I know, baby.

#32: Merry Christmas

Diego: You’re the reason Santa started the Naughty List.

Klaus: *blinks*

Klaus: *pouts*

Klaus: No fair! He told me last week I was on the Nice List!

Diego: What? Klaus? What does that -

Diego: OH MY GOD KLAUS IS SANTA DEAD???!!!!

#33: I’ll Keep You Safe, Honey.

Diego: I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me instead?

Klaus: *pulls out a stuffed tiger*

Klaus: He got lost in the kitchen. Don’t worry, I rescued him for you.

Diego: *takes soft tiger*

Diego: *voice cracks* Oh. Thanks.

Klaus: *kisses his forehead* You’re welcome, baby.

#34: Excuse Me?

Diego: The only thing your eyes haven’t told me is your name.

Klaus, internally: Shit. What if he finds out I stole like five of his knives and all of the cookies last week?

Klaus, externally: *blinks*

Klaus: Um… Stefonopolis?

#35: I Am Not Apologizing For This One

Diego: If you were a steak, you’d be well done.

Klaus: But I’m so unique…

Klaus: I talk to the dead, Diego.

Diego: Okay…?

Klaus: *smirks*

Klaus: So wouldn’t I be medium rare?

Ben: Ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

#36: Leonardo Da Vinci Was Arrested Multiple Times For Homosexual Activity.

Diego: Is this a museum? Cause you’re a work of art.

Klaus: *dancing to the soundtrack of High School Musical 3* Actually Five took me back to Italy once. Leonardo da Vinci and I had some fun.

Diego:

Diego: Oh my god. Seriously?

Diego: *looks up picture of Mona Lisa, now titled Mona Klausa*

Diego: How the fuck -

#37: Why Would You Say That Though

Diego: Am I sleepwalking? Cause I’ve only seen you in my dreams.

Klaus: *sitting on the counter and eating a donut in one bite* Are they dirty?

Luther: *chokes on a pickle*

Diego: Oh my god no -

Diego: Well sometimes -

Diego: I mean no of course not -

Luther: *praying to whoever’s up there to just kill him already*

#38: Be Safe Kids!

Diego: Can you hold this for me?

Klaus: Sweetie, you need to wash your hands.

#39: Apocalypse Averted!

Diego: If looks could kill, you’d be a weapon of mass destruction.

Klaus: *blinks*

Klaus: I thought that was Vanya.

Diego:

Diego, panicking: Holy shit Klaus you can’t just say things like that -

Vanya: *crying from laughter*

#40: Attractive

Diego: Do you swallow magnets? Because you’re -

Klaus: *shoves him up against the wall*

Klaus: How did you find out? Who told you? Was it Ben? I swear to god I’ll kill him -

Diego: *squeaks* What?

#41: First You’ve Gotta Propose Diego

Diego: Wouldn’t we look cute on a wedding cake together?

Klaus: Diego. Did you buy me a cake?

Diego:

Klaus:

Diego:

Klaus: I’m waiting.

Diego: Right sir yes sir right away sir -

#42: He May Not Be A Kitten But He Is As Soft As One

Diego: If I followed you home, would you keep me?

Klaus: I’m homeless, Diego.

Diego: What? You are? Oh no, baby - you can come stay with me?

Klaus: *looks up from Disney Princess coloring book and raises an eyebrow* Is your bed available?

Diego, blushing: Ye-yeah, b-ba-baby. Whe-whenever you-u w-want.

Klaus: *smiles*

Klaus: *takes Diego’s hand*

Klaus: Okay.

Diego: *dies a little bit inside (in a good way)*

#43: It’s Just You.

Diego: Is it hot in here or is it just you?

Klaus, blushing: I -

Five: DIEGO. THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE. NOW IS NOT THE TIME.

#44: ‘Scuse Me, Mate?

Diego: You know, penguins mate for life. Wanna be my penguin?

Klaus: Eh. I’ve always been more of an iguana man.

Diego:

Diego:

Diego:

Diego: What?

#45: You Look Like… Antonio Banderas With The Long Hair.

Diego: How’s the most beautiful person in the world doing today?

Klaus: *buried in a Vogue magazine* I don’t know I’m not Antonio Banderas.

#46: What The Fuck Klaus

Diego: Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.

Klaus: *hands him a Candyland board* Here. I stole it from Pogo.

#47: You Dumbass

Diego: I hate my last name. Can I borrow yours?

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus: We have the same last name, Diego.

Diego: *blinks*

Diego: Fuck you’re right -

#48: Okay But Diego Would Make A Great Aladdin Though

Diego: I’m not a genie, but I can still make your dreams come true.

Klaus: *wrinkles his nose*

Klaus: You can get me a pink elephant with jaundice?

Diego: *blinks*

Diego: What the fuck Klaus -

#49: HELLO

Diego: Is that a knife or are you just happy to see me?

Klaus: I don’t just have random knives on me Diego, I’m not you.

Diego: So you are happy to see me?

Klaus: I mean you just interrupted a very riveting episode of Sesame Street, so… we’ll see.

#50: It’s Always Best To Start With The Truth.

Diego: I love you.

Klaus: *beams* That’s all you had to say, darling.

[neomanateefromexiletribe]

little mermaid

Leviathan x Gender Neutral MC

Fluff, Love Confessions, Mermaid Levi

Leviathan turns into a mermaid, and it's up to you to take care of him.

"Levi?” you call out, almost choking.

Your mouth opens wide in shock as you spot the third brother in his tub bed, said tub being filled halfway with water. But that isn’t the most strangest thing, far from it. No, what really has you in shock is the mermaid tail hanging over the tub and the fact that Levi is shirtless.

The demon yelps and covers his chest, his face instantly blushing a deep red that could rival strawberries, and his tail flops back into the water with a loud noise. Still astounded, you close the door behind you and lock it for good measure, and you approach Levi, slowly.

“Levi?” you repeat, worried for your best friend, “are you okay?”

You must have sounded worried enough for Levi to resurface slightly, and he mumbles something unintelligible.

“I didn’t catch that,” you say honestly, and he coughs.

“I don’t… I don’t know what happened,” he moans, “I woke up and I was a mermaid! So I’m staying in water for now until I’m back to normal.”

Okay, he managed to explain his situation properly, so now all that’s left is for you to take action. You nod, and you roll up your sleeves. Well, your invisible sleeves, since you’re wearing a tee-shirt today, but anyway.

You head closer to Levi, who’s still a blushing mess, and you smile at him gently. You raise your hand to pet his hair, secretly sniggering at how red he’s getting from that simple action, and you ruffle his hair a little more roughly.

You then look at his mermaid body, extremely curious to see how pretty he got. In your opinion, Levi is already the prettiest person you know (sorry Asmo) but now that he’s a whole mermaid, it’s not doubt his prettiness shot up.

His bare chest is so unfairly attractive, especially for someone who doesn’t work out that much – or at all? You’ve never seen Levi work out, and you doubt one can get this body from playing sports video games.

You’ve thought more than once about running your hands over his naked body, whether in the comfort of your own bed or when cuddling with him. Platonic cuddling is awesome, with him or with his brothers, but when it comes to Levi you can’t help but want more. His usual clothes are super comfortable, so warm from his body heat, but… his body under those probably feels so nice.

You’ve wondered several times if Levi would blush if you were to touch him, fingers slowly feeling him up, starting from his neck and heading all the way down to his sweatpants. When feeling particularly naughty, you even imagined how sexy times with Levi could be because there’s so much you could do with him, but… you should probably focus on the task at hand.

His mermaid tail starts hanging over the tub once more, and this way you get to see it from up close. His scales range from deep shades of purple to lighter ones of blue that reminds you of the color of his usual nail polish. They’re shining under the lights of his room, and you’re in awe to see such a beautiful mermaid tail on Levi.

“S-stop staring,” Levi stutters, “I know I look disgusting.”

You almost get whiplash from how fast you turn towards him.

“You look gorgeous, what are you saying?!” you tell him, your eyes widening. “Levi, your tail is so beautiful and you always look pretty to begin with!! I think you’ve never looked better!”

Levi blinks in confusion, and he makes out a weird noise as he buries his face in his hands.

“You’re not lying?” he asks, and you smile at him.

“Of course not,” you say, “you really look amazing. It’s just like that anime we watched together last week, you know?”

“My Crush Turned Into A Mermaid and That’s What It Took For Me to Confess?” Levi says, peeking through his fingers.

“Exactly,” you nod, trying your best to ignore how much it fits the current situation. “Okay, is there anything you need? Food? Something to drink? Something to do?”

“I could use some snacks and a drink,” Levi admits, “other than that I’m good.”

You nod and fetch some poisoned apples based snacks as well as an energy drink, which you hand to Levi. You watch him as he eats as you make some small talk, and an idea blooms in your mind. It’ll give your feelings away but… it may be worth it. You’ve waited enough to confess, after all.

You get up, putting away Levi’s snacks and drink, and you proceed to head for his closet.

“What are you doing?” Levi asks, confused.

“Close your eyes,” you instruct, looking back at him to wink.

“Okay…”

You undress quickly, only keeping a comfortable pair of boxers you stole from Levi a few months ago and an oversized tee-shirt hanging in Levi’s closet. You smile to yourself, happy to be wearing Levi’s clothes, and you head back to Levi’s tub.

His eyes are still closed, so you try your best to be discreet as you get into the tub, carefully sitting on top of his tail. However, Levi obviously notices the sudden added weight on top of him and opens his eyes while gasping. You send him an innocent look, feeling the water wet the bottom of your shirt and your underwear, and you smile at him.

“Hi!” you greet cheerfully, and Levi makes a noise similar to an oral keyboard smash.

“Wh-wh-what are you doing here?! Are you crazy?” he screeches.

You pout, and cross your arms on your chest. You see Levi’s eyes glancing at your chest, but he looks away as fast as he looked, visibly too embarrassed to look at your body when you’re so close to him.

“I just wanted to keep you company,” you tell him, pout intensifying. “I thought you’d get lonely in here.”

“Did you really have to get on top of me?!” Levi asks, panicking.

His flush is spreading to the top of his chest, and you feel like hugging and kissing him so much it hurts. But you can’t do that, not until you’ve properly confessed and asked for permission to touch him.

“I’m not heavy,” you counter.

“That’s not the point! You’re sitting on me!” Levi protests.

“I’ve already been on your lap before,” you point out, “and we’ve slept together before too.”

Levi gets impossibly redder, and he coughs.

“You’re really trying to kill me, aren’t you?” he asks, unable to look at you.

“Of course not, Levi,” you answer, “what would I do without you?”

Levi doesn’t answer, too busy hiding his face. You smile gently, and turn around so as to take a more proper look at his tail. With the way you’re sitting, Levi has a nice view of your back, and you think that maybe he’ll feel less embarrassed to look at your back rather than at your chest.

You really want to try touching his tail, but you’re unsure whether he will like it or not. You turn your head slightly, and attempt at making eye contact with the shy demon.

“Levi, can I touch your tail?” you ask.

“Su-sure, if you don’t think it’s disgusting,” he answers.

“I told you, your mermaid form is the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen,” you reassure him.

To your delight, Levi brings back his tail into the tub, and you decide to be bold. You embrace it, plastering the fins against your chest as you hug it. Levi makes a noise that sounds like a strangled moan of pleasure, but you want to cuddle his tail for now. Hopefully, if he sees that you like it this much, it’ll be easier to ask him for cuddles after.

“It’s so different from anything I’ve ever touched before,” you tell him, loving the way the mermaid tail feels against your body.

“Isn’t it yucky? It’s probably wet and sticky,” Levi weakly argues.

You can’t see him, so you can only imagine his expression: wet, glistening eyes filled with unshed tears, and bitten lips that you’d kill to taste. You close your eyes briefly, imagining that Levi embraces you, and the feeling is so nice you hug Levi’s tail a little tighter, on reflex.

“I love it,” you answer, trying not to sound breathless, “it feels wonderful.”

The foreign weight against your chest really feels nice, and you high-key wish it was Levi resting his head there instead of his tail, but it’s okay. You let go of his tail and turn around to face him. Levi is, as you expected, still red in the face and looks this close to crying. You feel empowered by a sudden burst of courage, and you lean in closer to him.

Levi’s back is already against the end of the tube, so he merely looks at you with a mixture of shock and desire. If you want to act on your feelings, it’s now or never.

“Levi?” you call out his name while making eye contact.

“Y-yes?” he stutters.

“I must be honest with you,” you say, and resume after taking a deep breath, “there’s a reason I think you look gorgeous, whether as a mermaid or every day, and it’s because I’m in love with you.”

Levi freezes, and follows a long silence as you both stare at each other.

“No way,” he says, blinking slowly, “I must be dreaming.”

Maybe this is your chance, you think to yourself, leaning in even closer.

“Would this convince you that this is reality?” you ask before pressing your lips against his.

He makes a quiet gasp, but makes no move to push you away as you suck on his lips, slow and loving. You rest your hands against his chest, cuddling up closer to him, and your heart misses a beat as you feel him wrap his arms around your waist.

You don’t want to break the kiss, not now, because you’re so hungry for his lips that you’ve dreamed of devouring for so long. He tastes like the snacks he had earlier, and you can’t get enough of him. You need so much more.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Levi interrupts as you pull away to breathe, “are you sure you don’t have the wrong person?”

You blink in confusion, and you see in his eyes that he’s conflicted. He’s probably unsure if your feelings are genuine, because he’s not used to being loved, and he’s probably wondering if you’re just going to retract your statement because you’re pulling a prank on him. But you know what you want to tell him, so you shake your head and grin at him.

“I’m not confused,” you tell him as you pet his hair, “I’m in love with my best friend, with the most important person in my life and with the person I want to cherish the most. I think you’re incredible, and what I love the most about you is your passion. And, uh, well, it doesn’t hurt that you’re super handsome on top of it, you know?”

That’s a lot of information to take in for the Avatar of Envy, and he makes another loud noise before hugging you tightly, hiding his face in your neck.

“You’re… you’re too much,” Levi moans, “I feel like I’m about to explode because of how much I’m feeling.”

“Well, if one could explode from how much love they’re feeling for someone, I would’ve long ago,” you joke, kissing his hair, “I love you so, so much Levi, you can’t even imagine.”

Levi squeezes you in his arms, and look at you, biting on his lower lip once again.

“You really love me? Even if I’m a worthless otaku?”

“You’re not worthless,” you counter, kissing his nose, “and I love that you’re an otaku.”

Levi looks down for a few seconds, and he looks up again, hopeful.

“So, um, my Henry doesn’t have to be just my best friend? You’re my lover too?”

“Absolutely,” you grin, chuckling at how cute he looks right now, “isn’t that why Henry is the best?”

Levi’s face brightens with a huge smile and this time, he’s the one who initiates a deep kiss. You’re the one moaning as his tongue strokes yours, and you shiver as his hands travel down your body, mapping your curves through your wet tee-shirt.

“I love you too, so much,” Levi pants against your lips, “I’m not… very experienced, but we can, um, go on that quest together?”

“I’d love that,” you breathe before pulling him back for another breathless kiss.

From the way Levi’s hands are going under your shirt, you figure out that turning Levi back to normal can wait. For now, you’re very content with making out with mermaid Levi.

[jebazzled]

They can’t ALL be serial killers: keeping your villains funky fresh

Ah, villains. Spicy assholes. Tricky buggers.

Villains can be very intimidating to write: writing requires you to put yourself in the shoes of another person, which is one thing to do with a decent person. But when you are putting yourselves in the shoes of a bad one - whether it be someone who is simply not very likeable or someone who functions in an antagonistic capacity to a story or rp universe’s hero - well, it can be uncomfortable. 

I didn’t start writing villains until well into my rp career, and I can’t think of a single character I wrote in my undergraduate creative writing degree who was an asshole. I now write a small handful of them - and like most things, I don’t think writing a villain is quite as scary as we sometimes build it up to be in our minds!

That said, writing a villain is an exercise in nuance, and this is something that is often missing from antagonistic characters. In this tutorial, we’ll talk about what makes a villain, and what makes a villain a well-rounded character. 

Triggers, mentioned largely in passing as examples: criminal activity, murder, assault, child abuse, car accident, drunk driving, animal abuse

What makes a villain?

Generally, when we talk about villains, it’s in the context of a narrative, some sort of overall plot theme where there is Good and there is Evil. Think: Death Eaters, the Dark Side, the Horde, the Daleks, the Orcs, etc, etc etc. For the purposes of this tutorial, I’m talking about characters who serve in that antagonistic role, but everything can also be applied to characters who are just shitty people without a part to play in any larger scheme. 

In a plot context, per Oxford Languages, a villain is “a character whose evil actions or motives are important to the plot.” To be important to the plot, you do have to post, and if that’s something you’re struggling with, you might want to check out my Writer’s Block TED Talk ;)

A villain can have any number of reasons for being Like That: perhaps they were raised with a particular worldview, or were targeted by a negative influence at an impressionable and vulnerable stage, or genuinely believe they are doing the right and good thing. Maybe they’re just an asshole. In-character, your character likely doesn’t identify as a villain (because everyone is the hero of their own story) and in-character, your character might have friends, allies, and others with varying knowledge of your character’s misdeeds. 

However, out-of-character, you and other writers should recognize that your character is a shitty person. Writing one-dimensional, universally terrible assholes isn’t much fun, though. Which is where nuance comes in. 

Give your character other traits than “evil.” 

Unless your character is THE Big Bad - the Voldemort, the Sauron, the Hordak Prime - there is no reason for them to be Ultimate Evil, and writing them as an endless wash of evil will be boring for you to write and boring for other people to read. Your character should be something other than naughty. 

Using my own handful of villains/bad guys as examples, since obviously I take my own advice, and with apologies that 99% of my rp writing is in the HP verse:

Claude is a Death Eater as well as second-in-command of the magical mafia. He’s an expert blackmailer, has no qualms with murder, and can get pretty gruesome about it if he’s pressed to make a point. He also doesn’t drink, is a devoted father (has framed finger paintings in his study! drinks the pink lemonade his daughters love in crystal rocks glasses!), uses weird slang (”beat it, bozo!”) and takes the family spaniel on daily walks through Kensington Gardens. 

Cleo is a Death Eater and a lifelong bully, prone to theft, physical abuse, and with a knack for the Cruciatus Curse. She’s also deeply insecure, with an unshakeable need to be seen as useful; she’s competitive, and she’s horny enough to drop her purist pretense if a Muggle girl is what’s easiest to get her rocks off. 

Sadie is a squib spying on Order-organized safehouses for the Death Eaters. She’s also intensely curious and ambitious, determined and self-directed, and if she doesn’t understand emotions, it certainly doesn’t stop her from understanding how to manipulate them to maintain the illusion that she is not a threat. 

All three of these character concepts are more compelling than:

Veronica is rude, hates people, is outwardly mean to everyone she meets, uses cultural slurs on the regular.

We get it! Veronica is a shitty person! What else is she? In real life, shitty people typically do find camaraderie somewhere, somehow. Maybe Richie is a total asshole but has made a lot of money from his hedge fund, and he is generous enough with his yacht, ski condo, and jet that he has an entourage he thinks are genuinely his friends. Maybe Kaiytlynn is selfish and entitled, but her access to the entire royal family of Spain keeps her gainfully employed, and she’s genuinely good with her bedazzled bra business. Maybe Claudia is a giant racist, and she’s also YouTube’s most popular craft video creator. 

In real life, maybe there are some shitty people who exhibit fully antisocial behaviors and are rewarded for it. But this is fiction writing, and moreover, it is collaborative fiction writing, and Veronica is not a character who is fun or enjoyable to plot with. Antagonistic plots can have more trouble finding their footing than strictly romantic ones - but they can be fun and rewarding, provided that the antagonist is a compelling one. 

Let your character be something other than “evil.”

Give your character a cover.

More specifically than a trait other than “evil,” give your character a cover. By this I mean: give your character an angle that obscures their true colors, something that lures people - good people and bad people - into a sense of safety. 

Give your character something that keeps other characters from taking one quick look at yours and immediately clocking them as a bad guy. 

In real life, it often takes time to realize toxic people are toxic. In real life, people enjoy circumstances that make people less likely to view them as toxic - just look at the number of people who think Jeff Bezos’s obscene wealth is a marker of his merit as a human being. 

If your character commits a murder a week, is actively abusive to everyone they meet, and has no relationships with any other characters who might vouch for them - idk, man, I think your character is going to get caught! If your character is a quiet and unobtrusive owner of a vintage boutique, however? Well, they certainly don’t scream “IT’S ME! I’M BAD TO THE MOTHERFUCKING BONE!”

In the case of my bad guys:

Claude is a doting husband and father, notably not ascribing to purist tendencies that discourage women from work outside the home. He does legitimate work in real estate and investments, in addition to his shady dealings, to have a legally-sound paper trail should he ever be investigated. His family money funds an entire wing at St. Mungo’s Hospital, and he contributes to political campaigns for centrist politicians. He presents as a harmless goofball. He killed a man well before he turned seventeen. He almost went to Azkaban before graduating from Hogwarts. (”Oh, but he’s on the straight and narrow now!”)

Claude’s cover is that he masquerades as a genuinely good person, and a nice person. When people think about his old-money Sacred 28 family and what that might mean for Claude’s political activity, they also think about how he is a Gryffindor - not known for churning out Death Eaters - and they think about how he doesn’t seem intense enough to be a Death Eater. They don’t suspect enough to have much to go on. 

Cleo works as an Auror, and she’s genuinely good at her job - if only because she manipulates cases away from incriminating Death Eaters and their allies and occasionally Imperiuses a contact or two from her days as a Knockturn Alley bouncer to frame them for a crime. She doesn’t use slurs like “mudblood” at the office and doesn’t talk about blood status there, either. She doesn’t pretend to be nice, and her honesty there makes it easier to believe she’s not pretending when she does her job. It helps, too, that she is not Marked. 

Cleo’s cover is that while she seems like an asshole and is an asshole, she works in the agency tasked with eliminating Dark wizards and she’s good at her job, as far as anyone can tell. She is an asshole, but there isn’t reason to suspect she is an asshole who is part of the Death Eaters, and it is not illegal to be a dick.

Sadie goes out of her way to be friendly to every new safehouse occupant, acting as a guide to newbies about how to live in the shadows. She performs the role of caretaker, therapist, and confidant, carefully doling out the reveal that she is a squib for sympathetic effect. 

Sadie’s cover is that she manipulates other people into viewing her as too weak to be any kind of threat, and she intentionally manipulates people into relying on her for support and guidance. 

If your character is not experiencing social repercussions for being an asshole, they need to have a cover. If they are being an outright asshole, this should negatively impact them somehow. 

An outright asshole might be stuck in a dead-end job because no one wants to promote someone who’s not a team player. An outright asshole might be super lonely without the self-awareness to realize that their garbage personality is the reason for their romantic troubles. An outright asshole might not be able to talk their way out of a problem. 

If your character is an outright asshole and experience no repercussions whatsoever, they’re probably a bit OP. 

Give your character a motive. 

Now the big question: why is your character Like That? Like, for real. It’s so easy not to be a dick. Why are they a dick? What’s in it for them?

Yes, some characters might be an asshole because they think it’s fun and they like to watch other people suffer. But if all your characters are like that - isn’t that kind of boring?

If all your characters are like that - are you actually writing distinct, well-developed characters, or are you just spitting out the same edgelord with different faces?

Some of your character’s reason for being a dick can be because they think it’s fun. It can’t be the entire reason. It especially can’t be the entire reason all the time. 

Of course you can come up with a big tragic reason why a character is an asshole - but it truly doesn’t have to be that deep. (Tips on tragic backstories here.)

Of my baddies:

Claude is a purist because someone has to be a lesser class, and it’s sure as shit not going to be him! Claude is a Death Eater because his father saw a business opportunity - both direct work (e.g. the DE contracting Claude and his goons out for a hit, trafficking dark goods, doing deals with purist groups in other magical organized crime outfits across Europe) and indirect work (e.g. having stronger appeal to some of the most influential wizarding families.) He doesn’t love being branded with the Dark Mark (HE is the master of his fate, goddammit!) but hey, it’s a living.

This is a motive centered around financial gain and expediency. Claude is shitty to value money over human life, and he has no qualms about violence - but the motive is not “fun.”

Cleo is a Death Eater because, as a girl from a pureblood family of no importance, she recognizes that many of the people in the Death Eaters are important and influential, and she wants that kind of power. Additionally, she does get a kick out of violence, but she’s a weapon more than she is a fighter: she’s a tool who needs someone to wield her, to give instructions, to give her purpose. The Death Eaters offer both.

This is a motive centered around status and around order - Cleo being a person who needs order externally forced upon her. 

Sadie is working for the Death Eaters because she believes they will win the First Wizarding War, and she wants to secure a place in their new order - ideally something more than she had previously as a squib. She figures if the good guys are really good they’ll forgive her for keeping herself alive - but that the bad guys won’t forgive disloyalty. Also, her boss in the Death Eaters indulges her research in the Dark Arts, which is fun. 

This is a motive centered around security and self-satisfaction. It’s very selfish and cold, but it’s not, like, Sid from Toy Story. 

Why is your character Like That? What do they get out of Being Bad? What do they like about it? What purpose does it serve for them? 

If you can’t think of a reason your character would be a Bad Guy beyond that you want to write a Bad Guy, you should probably rework the character. It’s tricky to write someone who really should just be a Good Guy as a Bad Guy because, depending on your site’s setting, you might end up being a Bad Guy Apologist, leaning into the positive qualities of your character without writing them as an actual villain/antagonist/baddie - and remember, Death Eaters are shitty people! Antagonists antagonize! They should be complex, but you should never lose sight of an abusive class being abusive! 

And finally,

They can’t all be serial killers.

It’s tempting, since we’re writing fiction here and we all love drama, to reach straight for a Big Evil when we’re writing a baddie. They murdered ___! Egads!

If all of your baddies murdered their spouse/parent/sibling, again I ask you: are you actually writing distinct, well-developed characters, or are you just spitting out the same edgelord with different faces?

(If all your baddies specifically murdered a woman, might I ask you to examine this choice? Misogynistic violence is not a shortcut to character development.)

Cast of characters aside - what is it your character does that makes them evil? It is worth noting that bad behavior exists on a spectrum, and to jump to the far end of that spectrum without building the character up to it is often jarring and confusing. There are many, many things your character can do that might contribute to their Bad IdentityTM without killing anyone!

Baby Bads: No one gets hurt in a serious way, but the character is unpleasant. Think: a schoolteacher might not let you go to recess. You might get detention. Examples:

petty theft

general assholery

bullying

lying, small & large scale

general unkindness

minor manipulation for personal gain

Middling Misdeeds: These might cause some harm - physically, emotionally, or otherwise - but there’s some room for smart-talking or otherwise evading major consequences. Think: suspension. Examples:

larger theft and other money-related naughties: money laundering, ponzi schemes, etc

physical assault/battery

blackmail

bribery

large-scale manipulation for personal gain or for fun

hate speech (to be clear, I, JB, think this is way more than middling, but in art as in life, a lot of characters are going to do it and get away with it.)

Terrible Transgressions: The far end of the spectrum of antagonistic behavior. If your character is doing this shit, it shouldn’t be coming out of the blue. If your character is doing this shit, there’s got to be a character-driven reason beyond “flavor.” These are things that would get you expelled and moved into criminal court. A lot of things that are viewed as standard topics requiring a trigger warning fit into this category. 

murder

sexual assault

torture

child abuse

It’s easy in rp, where there are often way more criminal types in a character population than we hope exist IRL, to forget that murder is.... like.... it’s a BIG DEAL. It’s not something everyone has done. And thank dog, right?

If you’re attached to your character being someone’s cause of death, for specific character-driven reasons, you might think about alternatives. For example, if you hope to convey that Brandon Baddie is a callous asshole, instead of having him kill his roommate over a household chores dispute, you might have him drive drunk, hit a pedestrian, get out of the car, see the body, and drive away. If you hope to convey that Sandy Sadist is cruel, you might have her threaten her sister’s dog, but not actually hurt it, enjoying the fear of the sister and of the dog more than she would enjoy actually hurting either. If you hope to communicate that Ruthie Reckless is thoughtless, you might have her driving 100 mph speeding to the edge of a cliff while her father sobs in the passenger seat, stopping just inches from the edge. 

There are so many ways to make a point. If you’re going to kill someone to make a point, do it sparingly, and with very deliberate purpose.

Whether you’re starting your first villain or hoping to hone your villainous sword, I hope you found this tut helpful! Best of luck, and happy writing!

[soclonely]

The Clones as Their Santa Nice/Naughty List Placement Based on One Of Those Weird Website Checkers

Directly from the North Pole Space Santa Database!

Rex- “Much more nice than naughty. Can be very thoughtful. Has improved cleanliness, which I like. Could take better care of toys. Says "thank you" often, but still not as much as I would like. Good mood often spreads to others. Hopefully, will keep up the good work!” Echo-”Still very much on nice list, but must continue good behavior. Should eat more vegetables instead of junk food. Was very polite last Thursday! When doing chores, needs to do them as well as possible. Often exhibits good behavior.” Fives-”Just when we were about to give a "Naughty" rating, this one came through last week with a good deed. Great work! Back to the "Nice" list. But watch out for interrupting when others are talking, and burping without an "excuse me"even when you think no one heard the burp! Remember, I hear it all! Jesse-”Nice, but has naughty lapses. High marks in the good deeds department. Better than average manners. Hopefully, thoughtfulness will continue to be as good as last month. Neatness needs improvement!” Kix-”Nice, but has been naughty at times. Neatness and politeness have been very good over the last two weeks. Shows proper respect for others. Shares well, but could always be better. With a little more effort could be near top of "nice" list.” Tup-”Tup do you kiss your Mom with that mouth?! Santa puts kids on the Naughty List for cursing, and frankly you've got a mouth like a Sailor! Naughty List for you.” Dogma-Nice, with a few exceptions. Needs to be nice to everyone not just friends. Could try a little harder when things are tough. Start with getting a good sense of humor. Made Naughty list last year. Needs to be good all December. Hardcase-”You better start making some room for the huge lump of coal your about to get, or either start cleaning up your act Hardcase!” Coric-”Tisk, Tisk, you got Dissed! Coric, Santa noticed that red stapler you stole from your co-worker's office desk last month.” Bly-”Has been nice most of the year (not just near Christmas)! Makes others happy. Could share a little more, however. Politeness is sometimes very good. Can be great listener.” 99-”Even after an "iffy" October, still has a "Nice" rating (hey, 11 good months out of 12 isn't bad!). Didn't eat vegetables and got caught sticking out tongue. Got parents really mad that one time. (Was it two Saturdays ago???) On the other hand, is kind to animals, finishes chores and almost always washes hands before eating. Should finish with a "Nice" rating if those awesome manners are kept up!” Cody-”Well, Cody, you've been a good kid this year. Santa has lots of good stuff for you this Christmas!” Waxer and Boil-”You'll be getting a big gift this year! A big, big box of packaged air. That's right Waxer and Boil you're on the Naughty List.” Wolffe-”do you really think Santa is unaware of your inappropriate Facebook posts? Naughty!” Sinker and Boost-”Nice, but several naughty marks. Was very good yesterday, so it's nice to add another mark in the nice column. Needs to pick up toys better, and help keep things neat at home.” Hunter-”2 words: Nice List. Mother Teresa has nothing on you Hunter.” Wrecker-It was a pretty good year, so we'll go for a "Nice" rating. A few naughty marks for excessive junk food, not going to bed on time and nearly forgetting someone's birthday. Really tried to keep up with household chores, though. Extra credit for smiling a lot. Is kind to senior citizens. Keep improving! Tech-Whoa Tech! You need to start thinking about packing your bags if you don't change your ways soon. Santa is more likely to hunt you down than bring you a present. Crosshair- “you REALLY put ex-lax in Santa's cookies?! Don't expect to see your name on the Nice List anytime soon.”

[lockefanfic]

Business Trip: Pt 27 - Waiting

"Yoo Jeongyeon, we're in a plane with dozens of other people," you whisper back in a faux warning, not at all intending to convince her to stop.

"You're right, I guess we can't do anything here," she admits. There is a mischievous look in her eyes as she bends down and picks up the folded blanket that the airline had left on her seat. She unfolds it and spreads it so that it covers both of your laps.

"I guess you'll just have to use your imagination," she says once more into your ear, her words dripping now with lust.

Underneath the blanket, she reaches over to your lap and begins to undo your belt.

---

The next morning found you in what was quickly becoming a familiar environment - the cabin of a plane on a long haul flight.

 You dreaded this particular flight more than usual, given that it was a flight back to Seoul from Hawaii. While the two week vacation had done little to alleviate the drama circulating around your love life - in fact, it actually increased it significantly - it nonetheless gave you a welcome reprieve from the stress of pursuing Irene and SM. 

 A part of you wanted to track her down, of course, and bring her to justice for what she did to you and your team, but an even larger part of you wanted to stay in that resort hotel room you shared with Momo, where your only worries were what the content of your next delicious, free meal would be, and whether you could keep up with Momo's rather voracious appetite, both in the kitchen and in the bedroom.

 At the moment, Momo, who had boarded before you, was chatting away with Sana over some makeup they had bought at the duty free store before boarding. It being a small private chartered jet (JYP had wasted no expense for any part of the vacation), their seating aisle was only two seats wide. Momo playfully sticks her tongue out at you to indicate she didn't want or need to sit next to you for the next ten hours before going right back to chatting with Sana, who was busy trying to show her the wonders of the small makeup palette she was excitedly showing off.

 You were happy that the two had apparently become best friends again, even if Sana had made no attempt to hide her feelings from you. You were still somewhat concerned about what she had told you back at the resort following the night the three of you shared, but she seemed to be willing to keep her feelings for you between you and her - at least for now. You knew there was still a conversation somewhere on the horizon where you had to confront her feelings directly, but for now you were happy to leave that for another day, and you were even happier that she had made up with Momo on friendly terms.

 The next few aisles were filled with fellow JYP employees you weren't familiar with. You were thankful that the rear of the plane was mostly empty, and you happily claimed the window seat of the last row.

 "Wake me up when we touch down," comes a voice that causes you to look up from rummaging through your backpack for your headphones. It is Seolhyun, who, despite looking like she was paying for some major league drinking the night previous, still managed to look quite attractive in a baggy track suit and unkempt hair. She half-stumbles into the aisle opposite you, throwing herself into the opposite window seat. After buckling in she pulls down the eye cover she had on her head, and within minutes the soft snoring you hear emanating from her corner of the plane brings a smile to your face.

 "I guess they went hard last night, because Tzuyu doesn't look much better," comes another voice, this one sounding a lot healthier than Seolhyun. You look up to see Jeongyeon's bright face coming down the aisle, a soft smile on her features as she approaches you.

 "This seat taken?" she asks, motioning to the empty leather seat next to yours. It was more of a declaration than a real question, because she was going to take it anyway. You found yourself happier than you would've admitted at the prospect of sitting next to her for the next ten hours.

 "It's all yours, Miss Yoo," you answer, her smile widening noticeably as she slips her backpack off and sits down. In her hands is her passport, boarding pass, a Nintendo Switch, her phone, wireless headphones, assorted snacks, and a jumble of cables that immediately begins to unravel - she was beautiful and a genius, but still a bit of a mess, as always.

 "So how badly do you want to lose at Mario Kart, boss?" she asks as she finally manages to unravel her headphone wires. 

 "Big talk for someone who lost at Street Fighter a few nights ago," you retort, referring to the ancient Street Fighter II arcade machine you two had found at the resort's bar and spent more than a few hours duelling over.

 "We've been over this - I'm a Urien main, and he's not in SF until Second Impact. SF II came out five years before I was even born. It's ancient. There aren't even any supers."

 "Blah blah blah, Urien, boo hoo. Just hold that L, Jeongyeon."

 The IT expert scrunches her nose and her eyes turn into angry slits. If it were an anime you'd see the fire of her fighting spirit emanating from her small form.

 "I'll be sure to wave at you in my rear view mirror," she snaps as she sets up the Switch on the tray table in front of you and tosses a Switch controller, with a good amount of force, into your crotch.

 "The only time you'll be seeing me in your rear view mirror is when I'm getting close to lapping you."

 "I suppose I could let you get close to lapping me - that should give you enough of a head start to make it fair."

 "Speaking of head, maybe you-"

 "Excuse me," comes a pleasant female voice that jars you both from your verbal sparring, "we are preparing for takeoff. Please stow away your electronics and return your tray to the upright position."

 You both look up to see the flight attendant standing in the aisle, a polite but stern look on her face as she gestures towards Jeongyeon's Switch on the tray table. You are momentarily taken aback by how gorgeous the flight attendant was, with her tall, fit body and beautiful features - she looked a bit like a K-pop idol that was doing a flight attendant concept. Judging by Jeongyeon's reaction, it seemed she was just as taken by the beauty of the tall woman waiting, patiently, for her to put her stuff away.

 "Sorry," Jeongyeon mutters sheepishly, as she packs away the various things into her backpack. You both give the flight attendant a smile of apology that appears to satisfy her, and she continues on down the aisle to check on the other passengers.

 "Your demise will have to wait until we are forty thousand feet into the air," Jeongyeon hisses as she packs away her Switch, "but you can be thankful for it, because up there you won't have anyone bear witness to your horrific defeat."

 "That's funny, because up there we'll be closer to my tier of Mario Kart skills. That is to say, god-tier."

 "God-Tier?" Jeongyeon says with a scoff, "more like-"

 Her words are drowned out by the rising roar of the jet engines spooling up, and you both smirk at each other as you settle back in your seats to prepare for takeoff. 

 Just before you look away you witness Jeongyeon's smirk turn into a soft smile as she looks down and plays with her hands, a soft blush on her cheeks. It takes you another moment to realize that same smile is mirrored on your own lips.

 ---

 "It was delicious, thank you."

 "You're welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed it," the flight attendant says with a smile as she takes your finished food tray - a smile that you find, involuntarily, returning with one of your own.

 "It was delicious, thank you," Jeongyeon imitates once the flight attendant is a few rows away, a mocking look on her face.

 "In my defense, it was delicious. Also, she's gorgeous."

 Jeongyeon glances over to where the flight attendant is continuing to collect food trays, a few rows down. 

 "Maybe," she admits with some reluctance, "I guess she's cute and works out or something, if that ass is any indication."

 You smile at the look on Jeongyeon's face - she was cute when she was jealous.

 "Are you jealous, Yoo Jeongyeon?"

 "Of that? Hmph. I mean, she's got a nice bod. And she's pretty."

 "But?"

 "But... I'm prettier."

 "Oh yeah?"

 "Yeah. Also, I bet she's a boring lay."

 Your smirk deepens at the sudden suggestiveness Jeongyeon has inserted into the conversation.

 "And what makes you think that?"

 "I dunno, just something about her. I bet she just lies there and doesn't move."

 "Is that so?" you ask, leaning towards her seat so you are closer to her. Jeongyeon reciprocates, and leans towards you, bringing her lips to your ear.

 "I bet she can't fuck like I do," she whispers.

 You are momentarily taken aback by Jeongyeon's forthrightness, and you didn't know exactly where she was going with this, but you were definitely interested in finding out.

 "Yoo Jeongyeon, we're in a plane with dozens of other people," you whisper back in a faux warning, not at all intending to convince her to stop.

 "You're right, I guess we can't do anything here," she admits. There is a mischievous look in her eyes as she bends down and picks up the folded blanket that the airline had left on her seat. She unfolds it and spreads it so that it covers both of your laps.

 "I guess you'll just have to use your imagination," she says once more into your ear, her words dripping now with lust.

 Underneath the blanket, she reaches over to your lap and begins to undo your belt.

 You want to say something suggestive and cool and cocky, but you were left shocked by her aggressiveness, and was more than willing to let her do whatever it was she was planning.

 Jeongyeon brings her mouth to your ear once more, that naughty smile still written all over those wonderful lips of hers.

 "I wonder what I'd look like in that flight attendant uniform," she says as she finally gets your belt undone and zipper down.

 "Yeah? I bet you'd look great in it."

 "I totally would. I bet you'd love how tight it would fit on me. How nice my legs would look in that short skirt. Maybe I wouldn't wear anything underneath it," she says, her right hand now in your shorts, working your cock to full hardness over your boxers, her slim fingers stroking the length of your shaft, jerking it up and down as best she could.

 "Fuck," you hiss, hoping that the people in the seats in front of you didn't hear.

 "I'd take care of anything you need on your flight, boss," Jeongyeon continues as she slips your boxers down past your shaft, freeing it finally from your clothes, "And I'd be willing to do anything to make sure you're comfortable."

 You shift your hips, trying your best to allow Jeongyeon full access to your cock beneath the blanket. The pleasure she was building in your body was rising steadily, and you close your eyes in an attempt to slow it down and savor each moment.

 "I'd make sure you had whatever drink you wanted. But then again, maybe it'd be me that would be thirsty. Maybe I'd want a drink too...Do you.. Do you think you’d have a drink for me, boss?"

 "God," you hiss, the word leaving your mouth involuntarily as Jeongyeon continues to jerk your cock with her slim hand, her fingers wrapped around your shaft, pumping it up and down, twisting her grip to create even more friction. Her hand leaves your cock for a moment as she brings it to her mouth, where you hear her spit into her palm - when her palm returns to your shaft the lubrication of her spit drives you wild.

 "Imagine me down on my knees in front of you, boss, your cock out of your pants... and in my mouth... Imagine me sucking it, swirling my tongue around your head, sucking your big, hard cock with my hot, wet mouth..."

 The pleasure is becoming unbearable now, and you squirm uncomfortably, your hands gripping the armrests tightly.

 "But I wouldn't be satisfied with just a blowjob - and neither would you. I'd want more."

 "Really... Jeongyeon?" you whisper back, almost unable to form a sentence, "and what more would you want?"

 "Your cock in my pussy," Jeongyeon hisses back, her voice utterly dripping now with lust and need, her own hips and waist squirming in her seat. You look over to her and notice that her left hand has disappeared beneath the blanket as well, and the movement in the blanket where her crotch would be tells you all you need to know with what she is doing with it.

 "I'd pull up that tight little flight attendant skirt and ride you right here," she hisses, her words becoming a little more impatient, a little more needy with each syllable as her hands pleasure herself, "Imagine how wet I'd be."

 "You'd be so wet," you answer, barely able to form the words. All this time, Jeongyeon hasn't stopped pumping your shaft, her rhythm getting slightly faster now as she matches the rhythm of her wrist with the fingers that were likely slipping in and out of her own body.

 "You'd be so big inside me," she hisses, "mmm.... oh! fuck... and you'd make me wet... so fucking wet..."

 "Oh yeah?"

 "Yeah... oh god, you'd be so big inside me... so big and thick... filling me up.... filling me up with your cock... as I ride you up and down... Imagine... imagine you tearing my jacket and shirt open while I ride you... and sucking... sucking on my tits."

 "Fuck, Jeongyeon."

 "Yeah... fuck, boss. I'd cum... I'd cum... cum on your cock."

 "Cum for me, Jeongyeon. Cum for me..."

 "Oh god... fuck... I'm gonna cum... I'm gonna cum... Oh god... I'm cumming!"

 You watch as Jeongyeon spasms in her seat, her lust drunk eyes locked totally on yours as she tries her best to control the pleasure that is coursing throughout her tight, slim body. Her eyes, those large, round eyes of hers, are absolutely enthralling, so full with lust and drunk with passion as her orgasm tides over her. She tries, mostly in vain, to keep her body in control, but her best efforts fail, and she is shaking and squirming uncontrollably, a quivering, hot mess in her plane seat.

 Her hand tightens on your cock, almost painfully, but she quickly regains her senses, and slowly, carefully begins to pump it again, even as she breathes heavily in an attempt to catch her breath.

 "Imagine... imagine me turning around.. and letting you fuck me from behind over these seats," she says, her words breathless, the words of a tired, exhausted young woman still recovering fro a powerful orgasm.

 "I'd fuck you so hard, bend you over these seats and have my way with you," you hiss.

 "And I'd let you... and I'd love it," she answers back, her lips leaving your ear for a moment to make eye contact with you. There is a fierceness, a challenge in her eyes, as though she were daring you to maintain your composure, daring you to keep from cumming.

 "Imagine how wet and tight I'd be after I cum," she says, returning her lips to your ear, "imagine me moaning and shouting your name while you take me and fuck me and ravage me. I want you… I want you to use me, fuck my pussy like you own it… like you own me..."

 "Oh god, Jeongyeon, I'm close."

 "Are you, boss? Are you close to cumming? Do you want me to squeeze you inside me, really make you feel how tight and wet I am for you? Are you imagining yourself fucking me, gripping my hips while you fuck my tight, wet little pussy?" She raises her pace slightly, her hand pumping up and down the entire length of your shaft now, her thumb grazing over your weeping head, trying to pull each and every ounce of pleasure out of your body.

 "Fuck, Jeongyeon-"

 "You can cum inside me later, and fill my body with your cum. But right now," Jeongyeon says, still jerking your cock with each word and bringing you to the precipice, "I want it in my mouth."

 Jeongyeon pulls the blanket away from your lap, revealing your cock, slick with your pre-cum and her spit, and her small hand wrapped around it. She leans over and bends towards it, and you could do nothing but let your head fall back in pleasure as she takes your shaft into her mouth, her tongue swirling mercilessly around your sensitive head. 

 You could hold it no longer - not with Jeongyeon's incessant teasing, not with her dirty words, not with her slim hand pumping your shaft up and down - and certainly not with her mouth, lips, and that amazing tongue on your cock.

 You grip the back of her head, pulling it down to the base of your cock - you drive your hips upwards as much as you could given your sitting position, and you feel the tip of your shaft touch the back of her throat as you finally cum, sending thick, hot semen into Yoo Jeongyeon's wet, hot, willing mouth.

 It feels like hours, the pleasure addling your mind ruining your sense of time. All you feel is the pulsing of your shaft as it sends stream after stream of cum into Jeongyeon's throat as the pleasure and warmth emanating from your crotch radiates throughout the rest of your body.

 Some indeterminate amount of time later, Jeongyeon finally raises her head from your crotch, and you quickly cover yourself with the blanket as you remember that you were in the back of a fully loaded plane full of your colleagues. As she raises her head Jeongyeon locks eyes with you, and you watch her lust drunk eyes as she swallows the load that is ballooning her cheeks. Her throat works slowly as she gulps down each drop of semen, her face so utterly sexy, utterly lusty as she does so. 

 Jeongyeon's left hand emerges from beneath the blanket as well, her fingertips glistening. She brings it to your mouth, and you lick them clean.

 "You should get a taste too," she says as you finish licking her juices from her fingers.

 "Fuck, Jeongyeon, that was-"

 "It's not over yet," she whispers once more into your ear.

 "No?"

 "No. Because the second we get to our hotel, you're going to fuck me."

 ---

 There was a lot to admire in the scene - the way the sunlight filtered in through the horizontal window blinds, painting shades of gold and yellow and red on the white sheets and the pale, perfect vanilla skin of Yoo Jeongyeon’s back as she sat facing away from you on the bed, the covers drawn up around her chest. 

 You couldn’t help but reach out and touch her, enjoying the feel of her soft, warm skin beneath your fingertips and the sound of the soft purr that escapes her lips.

 Jeongyeon kept to her word on the plane - not even an hour since you’d reached your hotel in Seoul she’d pounced on you like a cat, having somehow found a neckerchief, jacket and skirt that was enough to pass for a flight attendant costume. You’d guessed that her interest in cosplay and roleplay had served her well in sourcing the necessary clothing items in such a short timeframe.

 The sex was amazing, as it always was with her. She didn’t have the most amazing body - that was probably Momo or Sana. She wasn’t the best in bed - that was probably Seolhyun or Tzuyu. What Jeongyeon had was a passion for you that made each time with her so meaningful, so intensely full of care and emotion.

 She had started riding you, just as she had suggested when she was giving you that handjob on the plane, but after her orgasm you quickly turned her onto her back, which you knew was her favorite position. She loved feeling you on top of her, loved feeling your weight on her body and wrapping those long, gorgeous legs of hers around you as you pumped in and out of her wet heat and filled her with hot, warm cum - it made her feel safe, and warm, and loved.

 Jeongyeon straightens her spine and turns her head a little as your fingers trace a light path down her back, a tender smile on her lips.

 “That feels good,” she says softly.

 “Good,” you answer. The light plays with her hair, turning it into woven gold.

 “It was pretty damn good,” she says, referring of course to your last session.

 “Definitely.”

 “I…”

 Jeongyeon pauses mid sentence, as though she were weighing carefully her next words.

 “I…” she continues, “I have another costume to wear for you.”

 You perk up at the thought. She was insatiable.

 “And what costume might that be?”

 The girl lets a thoughtful look appear on her face. Her fingers play nervously with the bed covers next to her, as though she could find the answers she needed in the white cotton. You get the impression that she is weighing each word of her next sentence in her mind, gathering up the courage to speak them.

 “I’d wear whatever costume let you see me as more than just a co-worker.”

 Her words don’t take you entirely by surprise - she’d already confessed her feelings to you in Hawaii - or at least, she had heavily implied as such. But to hear her say the words out loud still hit you harder than you were expecting.

 “Jeongyeon… I…”

 “I know, boss, I know - you’re with Momo. And… And I want you to know that I would never in a million years intentionally break you up. But I… I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t tell you how I felt about you.”

 Your hand falls away from her back; not that you were upset at her confession, or at her for telling you how she felt - rather, you were frustrated at the entire situation, the quirks of fate that left you with women who felt for you, but had somehow chosen the wrong time to do so.

 You sit up in bed, and rub your forehead in an attempt to clear your mind.

 “I’m sorry, boss. I know… this probably isn’t the best time.”

 You turn and face Jeongyeon, and you want to comfort her, her body looking suddenly very small as she sits there, half-wrapped in bedsheets, her long dark hair losing a little bit of its glow as she turns to look at you and the sun changes its angle. 

 “It’s not that, Jeongyeon. I… I just have a lot on my mind.”

 “I know. I’m sorry,” she says, even though you knew she didn’t have to apologize for anything at all.

 “I…  I should go.”

 You sit up and get off the bed, searching for and finding the shorts and t-shirt Jeongyeon had taken off you and thrown onto the floor not even a few hours before.

 “Boss… I… I’m sorry. I don’t want things to be weird-”

 “They won’t be,” you answer, “I just… I just need some time to think about things.”

 A few seconds pass by like hours as you look for your phone, finding it on the floor a few feet away. When you look up at Jeongyeon again, she has drawn her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, as though protecting herself from the harm that might come from the question she was about to ask.

 “Will you… will you go to her?” she asks, referring without names to Momo.

 “I… no. I just need some time alone.”

 “I… I’ll wait for you,” Jeongyeon says softly, her voice barely above a whisper as she raises her head to look into your eyes, “I’d wait as long as it took.”

 You force a weak smile onto your lips, Jeongyeon’s sad, soft eyes hitting your emotions hard. With heavy steps, you turn away from her and leave the hotel room.

 ---

 “Did she do that thing with her hips? That thing you like? I told her to do that. Yeah, you’re welcome,” Hirai Momo says with a sly look on her face as she pops another french fry into her mouth.

 You sat opposite her on the couch in her hotel room, forcing a smile onto your face in response as you try to focus on the dinner you two had ordered via room service.

 “She did. And it was great,” you admit.

 “So? What’s so important that you wanted dinner? I thought Jeongyeon would’ve tired you out, on top of the jet lag from the flight,” Momo says, oblivious and aloof as she takes a bite of her  burger. She wipes some stray ketchup from the corner of her mouth, and you find yourself thinking that small little gesture would’ve been infinitely adorable had your mind not been so heavy with the weight of what you were about to tell her.

 You steel yourself for what you are about to say.

 “Momo… you told me… you told me when we first started going out that I should let you know… when… when feelings get involved.”

 Momo pauses, mid bite of her burger. She places it back on the tray, chewing slowly and wiping her hands with a napkin. She shakes her head a little, as though trying to digest what you had just said.

 “So… wait… Jeongyeon… you?”

 “No… I mean, yes. Well… on her end. I think… I know… Jeongyeon has feelings for me.”

 Momo is visibly taken aback by your words and the revelation of Jeongyeon’s feelings. Evidently she had no idea that the tech specialist had felt that way.

 “Do you… do you have feelings… for her?”

 “I… Momo… I…”

 Momo raises a hand to her mouth as if to cover her shock.

 “You… you have feelings for her,” she says out loud, as though she thought hearing them would help her believe them.

 “I… I don’t. At least, I don’t think so-”

 “Then you can’t see her again. Kick her off the team. You’re the boss. Transfer her,” Momo says abruptly, her face suddenly serious, suddenly composed of a mix of confusion and anger and jealousy and hate.

 “Momo, you know I can’t-”

 “Yes, you can! This is your team. You run it. You can…”

 Tears are welling up in her eyes now.

 “Momo…”

 Momo rises up off the sofa and faces the window. She was usually so strong, so tough, but there is a smallness in her now, and she is visibly shaking, trembling, as though she were struggling to process all that had happened in the past few minutes.

 “I always thought it would be Sana that would take you away from me,” she says, her words and tone quivering and shaking, as though she were struggling to piece together the syllables, “I never thought it would be Jeongyeon.”

 “Momo,” you begin, “it’s not Jeongyeon. It’s just… with you… and Sana, and Jeongyeon, and…”

 Silence reigns. There is one more name to add to the list, but you somehow find the strength to keep from saying it.

 “I just need…. I need some time to figure things out. With all this… and finding Irene… it’s… it’s a lot to handle. I need… I need to figure myself out.”

 Momo quivers a little, and you want to go over there and wrap your arms around her, but your limbs fail you - there is no energy, no will, to be found anywhere inside your body. You curse yourself for throwing this on her without warning. For all she knew her boyfriend just wanted to have dinner together and share a quiet night; she had no idea, no warning that this night would be so heavy. You are shaken, and shocked, that things had come to this.

 “So what… what happens to us?” Momo asks, as she tries and fails to compose herself.

 “We… I don’t know.”

 The seconds pass like hours as you sit there, watching, paralyzed, as Momo stands against the hotel window. When she speaks, she speaks as though she has a dry throat, the words a harsh hiss as they leave her mouth.

 “I… I want a transfer off your team.”

 The words strike you with the force of a train - Momo had been on your team since you started at JYP all those years ago, and to imagine a day without her seemed incomprehensible. But she was right - you both needed some time apart from each other, and with you leading the team in Seoul and the pursuit of Irene, it made more sense for her to transfer.

 “I… I’ll put in the paperwork.”

 There is a slight nod in her head, the barest of acknowledgement.

 You rise from the sofa and begin to walk towards the door.

 “I loved you.”

 Her words hit you as you reach the door, your hand on the knob. Her voice is sad, each word so heavy with thought and memory, of happy days and passionate nights, of laughs shared and challenges overcome.

 You are unable to lie - the thought of deceiving her does not even cross your mind.

 “I loved you too.”

 “When you figure yourself out… I hope… I hope you come back to me.”

 You turn the doorknob, and you leave just as you hear Hirai Momo finally break down into tears that would not leave until the sun rose the next day.

 ---

 Author’s Note: :(

[kannra21]

@owishi Asdfghjkhgfds I want to write sum HCs rn! 😆✨✨

~o0o~

After a successful photoshoot the MCPTF duo took for a detective magazine, Haru bashfuly thanked the camera crew for their work and started to gather his belongings. After a couple of seconds he didn't see Daisuke moving much from his spot at the studio backdrop so he decided to check on him.

Daisuke was still standing there, petting a beautiful cat on his shoulders. He was smiling for the first time in a long time and Haru couldn't help himself but to tease him a little.

"You have a soft spot for kittens, huh Kambe?" "Huh?" "You love animals don't you?" "Don't get the wrong idea. Just because I helped that little boy with a dog back the-" "I get it, no need to get so self-defensive." Haru approached the two and pet the cat as well. Daisuke continued "We had a family cat back in the days but she died from a kidney failure." "I'm sorry to hear that." "Pedigree cats are always difficult to maintain."

He then approached the studio producer and asked "What's the name?" while pointing at the purring ball of fluff. "Oh the name's Kumo-" "No, I meant the name of the breed." "It's a Maine Coon my good sir."

Daisuke took his phone, dialed a number and a lovely lady could be heard on the opposite line "Yes, Daisuke-sama?" "Suzue, do we have all the predispositions that satisfy the adoption of a cat?" "I mean yes but we can't charge a butler to take responsibility for everything. Consider chipping, regular visits to the vet, special shampoos, nail clippers, toothbrushes, specialized treats, eye drops, litter box, toys, climbing frames, there are many factors which need to be taken care of Daisuke-sama. Besides, it's been such a long tim-" "Alright"

Daisuke ended the phone call with a dissatisfied sigh before asking quietly "How much?" to which Haru needed to interfere. "Didn't Suzue-san just tell you not to take a cat home?" and Daisuke gave him an annoyed side-glance "I'll figure something out."

When he arrived to the mansion in his Bentley Continental GT, he glanced at the backseat to address the feline comfortably lying in the fancy pet carrier. "You better not make a sound, understood?" to which the cat just purred in satisfaction. Daisuke felt so silly at this moment, like a little boy hiding a broken vase from his mother.

When he was about to enter the mansion, he accidentally walked on Suzue typing something on her tablet. She looked up and was delighted to see Daisuke coming home safe and sound. Daisuke stood at the doors, one side of his body peering from the corner while the other with a cat was hidden behind the wall. "Welcome back Daisuke-sama, the crack-open naengmyeon is already served on the table, you can take your seat." "Actually, I was planning on doing something else beforehand. Would you please excuse me for a moment?" "Of course." Suzue turned around and waited for him in the dining room. And although Daisuke was very good at keeping his serious demeanor, Suzue still noticed that something was off, with the tone of his voice for instance. It was very faint but Suzue was able to recognize things like this since she knew him so well. Still, she decided not to question him about it.

Daisuke entered his room and laid the pet carrier on the floor. Opening the zipper, the cat jumped out and rolled cozily on his bed. Daisuke held his phone and took a picture. He decided that he couldn't leave it by itself so he went downstairs to the storeroom where he took a litter box and filled it with old newspapers just in case.

After that he joined Suzue for lunch, they talked about Daisuke's photoshoot and Suzue's data she collected on certain people regarding a case. Daisuke told her that the magazine will be published in three weeks or so and Suzue was so happy she promised that she'll be the first costumer to buy it. Daisuke smiled more around Suzue after he let go of his past and threw his father into the jail. Now that all the bad things are behind him, he can finally indulge in his life and pay more attention to Suzue to whom he has yet to make up for all she has done for him over the years. He's thinking about marrying her soon.

While they were eating and pleasantly chatting, a high pitched "mrow" could be heard from the upper floor.

"What was that?" Daisuke let out a dry cough and said "My apologies. It seems that I needed to take a thicker coat before leaving for an appointment." "But.. you always pay attention to things like this." "It's true, but today I was a little late, had other things to do." "Don't overwork yourself, you need to think about your health." "Seems like you need to take better care of me.", he said with a smirk plastered on his lips to which Suzue just laughed and replied "You're so spoiled." and he scooted closer to her whispering "But I like it better when you do it.", and almost kissed her before the two heard a soft thud coming from the above.

"Excuse me for a moment, I need to check what's happening up there. Will be right back.", maybe the moment was ruined but he kissed her forehead nonetheless and went upstairs, leaving her full-hearted and all mushy inside. Her mind was so hazed from the thought of Daisuke kissing her forehead and almost kissing her lips that she didn't register the cause of his concern.

When he arrived to his room he had things to behold; scattered papers and documents all over the floor and the ashtray he typically used after his "adventurous nights with Suzue" was lying on the ground right next to the nightstand. The cat was sitting on his working table licking her paw as if nothing of this concerned her in the slightest. Daisuke sighed in disappointment and put her back in her "baby jail". She already gave him such a hard time but he couldn't be angry with her, she was his baby (yes he already considered himself a dad for god's sake).

Since they already finished with their meals, Suzue went back to her tech room to finish her work and Daisuke took the opportunity to place some meat and water on small plates and bring it to his naughty little friend.

The cat calmed down instantly after she ate and went straight to sleep. Daisuke couldn't believe his own eyes, the audacity, the sheer amount of spoilage this creature showed was unreal. It reminded him so much of himself and he smiled a little. He really missed having a cat.

After he cleaned up and finished his other tasks, he laid on the bed next to her and pet her soft white fur, making her purr louder and snuggle up beside him. Daisuke knows that Suzue is not stupid and that she'll eventually catch up on him sneaking behind her back to give Furry Elise treats (yes her name is Furry Elise, "Für Elise" might be one of Beethoven’s best-known piano pieces and Daisuke knows how to play it too).

And it actually happened that same night. Daisuke was about to fill her small plate with more meat when he met Suzue in the kitchen and she asked him what he was doing. He instantly gave up because it would be so blatantly obvious and incredibly stupid of him to say that he was trying out a new weight-losing tip when no one in this god-forsaken world ate raw chicken.

So he took her to his room and showed her Furry Elise. And although the cat purred really loudly upon seeing them, Suzue wasn't happy about it. In fact, she looked really disappointed and Daisuke needed to apologize. He explained her how it happened and how he wished to have a pet after a really long time. He thought she liked cats as well and therefore concluded that it wouldn't be such a big deal to adopt this cute little feline she loved so much, but apparently it was, so he asked her one more time why she was so reluctant to the whole idea of owning a cat again.

Suzue now shredded a couple of tears and Daisuke was seriously alarmed upon seeing her like this so he carefully cupped her with his hand behind her back and hugged her, asking why she was crying all of a sudden.

"It's just.. I don't want to go though this all over again." "What are you talking about?" "You see, my parents died, your parent died, our previous cat died so soon. I'm living in fear every day and asking myself if something's going to happen to you as well, that's why I'm so excessively worrying about you. And everything I need right now is another sweet creature that I love so much leaving us again. I don't think I'd be able to handle it anymore."

"Suzue.. I never thought..", Daisuke kissed her head and felt a big amount of guilt dawning on him. He was so selfish for only thinking about what made him happy without considering Suzue's emotions. But then he reclaimed his mind and tried to concentrate on saying the right thing. Hopefully he can make her feel better again.

"Suzue, my dear, you shouldn't limit yourself to things that make you happy. It's not healthy. You see, none of us is eternal; neither you, nor me, nor this kitten down there looking at you with so much love in her eyes. But for that very reason that none of us is eternal, we should dedicate our time to one another and make most of it. So please don't deny yourself or your feelings. Instead of dwelling on the sad things, we should concentrate more on our time spent together and be happy, okay?"

Even Daisuke didn't know how he managed to word it this nicely but he did and he realized that both of them were crying by now. They shared a passionate kiss but got interrupted by a small furball rubbing on their feet like it wanted to share a hug as well and Suzue smiled through tears.

She squatted and carefully took the cat in her hands. "What's her name?" "Furry Elise." Suzue now needed to laugh so much and she hadn't even recovered from her previous emotional outburst.

"I love it, you're really good at this.. it's.. the song you used to play for me all the time before you went studying overseas."

He looked at her with so much love and adoration at this exact moment.

"Know what? I think I'm falling for you all over again, Mr. Millionaire." Daisuke swore, his heart was full that night and no money could ever compare to this feeling.

@daisuzuship @innovativestruggles @narcopharmacist @unholysoggytea @riaymei @ieatcrumbs @cow-goes-oof @matchabucks @bluegleeful @levi-is-heicho @kakooshi @kokorokai @darknessrxse @fluffyyagiza @geniusmeemee @sungmnnnn @koalarin @alstroemerie @petiamaximoff38 @hellohellokookie @marialenikiforov

It's daisuzu stuff so I hope you enjoy. If you want me to delete your tag you're free to tell me. 👍

[aria-i-adagio]

Did either of them try to resist their feelings? Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear? What are their primary love languages? Who’s the better cook? (for Handers!) - the-iron-orchid

Thank you, @the-iron-orchid!

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear?

Oh, Anders is definitely the one whispering the inappropriate things in Hawke’s ear. He is the id of this relationship after all.

Not that Hawke is complaining.

What are their primary love languages?

I always have to stop and look up the whole love languages thing. Kinda like enneagram numbers. Cultivating a deliberate agnosis for my own nefarious reasons.

Anders and Adrian are both touch starved cuddlebugs, and Adrian rates very high on giving acts of service.

[Realizing that all my OCs/canon characters I project too much onto are touch starved cuddlebugs... hmm... anyone want to come snuggle and let me make you delicious food and baked goods? I am a very good cook.]

Who’s the better cook?

I - in my infinite wisdom and mercy as a writer - determined that fugitive Anders needed a hobby, and I gave him a cookbook to play around with while in hiding. As of the present moment in my personal little world state, our recovering ascetic is well on his way to becoming a decent, if somewhat rustic, chef. He has also perfected moonshine and if Hawke ever gets his chickens, Anders is definitely going to start aging the stuff

Adrian can scramble eggs and make coffee. But he has to make coffee before trying to toast bread, or he burns it.

Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Did either of them try to resist their feelings? No, of course not, not for three years of Isabela having to watch them pining. Oh no. Definitely not.

This is begging me to just post the first chapter of Risk. The truly naughty bits are in chapter two and you’ll have to go to the AO3 for those. And then tell me if I should finish futzing with the half-drafted and half daft chapter three.

---

Hawke doesn't know where Varric found this particular tabletop game. Not that it matters, he's thoroughly enjoying the premise of guiding pewter toy soldiers through taking over one region of Thedas at a time. Isabela seems less enchanted, complaining that the rules are attached against her because if she just had a navy, and isn't it cheating that Hawke and Anders have formed a truce with each other to wipe her off the map.

Varric laughs and shrugs off her complaint. "Strategy is strategy."

"What truce?" Adrian smiles innocently enough; although under the table, Anders' left hand has been gradually moving up his thigh. "We haven't discussed anything with each other."

"Nope, nothing." Anders drinks from his third - or fourth pint of beer - Justice must be giving him the night off from the no drunkenness rule. That happens sometimes, when Hawke is lucky "Just roll the dice, 'Bela."

"Sure, boys, no special code you're tapping out with your feet ?" She's down to two units in a region Hawke is attacking with ten. Anders has the region on the other side of hers and wore her down on his prior turn, stopping without taking the region or overly weakening his own position.

Varric crosses his arms and leans back in his chair. "I'm planning to enjoy what happens when they have to turn on each other."

"Oh yes." Isabela picks up her dice and shakes them in her hand. "Who will come out on top? A scintillating question. Drat!" Her roll turns up snake eyes to Hawke's mediocre four, three, and two. "Anders, if I find out you've cursed these dice -"

"We're not even playing for money, 'Bela."

"Yeah, yeah -" She clears her soldiers from the region. "Just honor. It's all yours, sweetling."

"You've still got half of Orlais and the Frostback Basin. You're hardly out."

She smirks and gestures to one of the barmaids for another pitcher. "Aye, and the longer I keep those the longer it's going to take for you two to solve that question of who's going to be on top."

Merrill is barely hanging on to Seheron and a random province in Tevinter. "Oh, I think Anders has the stronger position, he's basically got Hawke's armies surrounded."

Anders hides a blush behind another drink. Varric snorts and Isabela sighs. "Kitten, that's not quite what we're talking about. And you -" She points a finger at Anders like she's reprimanding a sailor. "Are hardly a blushing virgin."

Hawke just shifts his weight a bit, nudging Anders' thigh with his knee. Keep going. He can't actually move his own hand quick enough under the table to slide Anders' fingers further around and up without Isabela noticing. But she's going to give them grief no matter what.

"Well, what are you talking about then?"

"The eventual conclusion to a most drawn out case of two idiots pining after each other."

"What does that have to do with who wins the game?"

"It's a metaphor, Daisy. Not a very good one."

"Does it have something to do with sex? I'm always missing the ones that have to do with sex."

Anders chokes on his beer. Hawke pats his back, then leaves his hand there just above his belt. The Hanged Man is warm tonight, the feathery jacket is hanging on the wall, and Hawke can feel Anders' spine through the written out fabric of his shirt.

"I should make a hand where I can see 'em rule," Isabela grouses. "No idea what little card tricks you boys are up to over there."

"What?" Hawke walks his fingers up Anders' back and wonders how much longer he can stand Anders' fingers tracing spirals over the inside of his thigh before he just throws the game, grabs Anders' by the collar and kisses and/or shakes him until he's forgotten whatever protests he prepared about this not being a good idea, Anders is a dangerous person to be with, Hawke doesn't really know him, et cetera, et cetera. "I would never try to cheat. At least, not with you."

Merrill actually wins the game after patiently building up a massive number of armies in Seheron and sweeping through all of Thedas in a single turn. Never forget to keep an eye on the quiet ones. She smiles prettily as Varric and Hawke start picking up the pieces of the game, and then asks Isabela again if she'll explain the metaphor.

Isabela lays her head down on the table with a groan. "I need more alcohol for this."

Varric, being Varric, chuckles and then enables, ordering another two pitchers for the table.

Hawke gives up any pretense of coyness during Isabela's tutoring session and sits sideways on the bench with his back against the wall and his legs over Anders' lap, giggling as Isabela makes increasingly vulgar gestures with her hands and then steals Varric's notebook and ink to improvise illustrations. She's not a very good artist.

Merrill's wide eyes get wider. "Oh, oh. But -" She blinks rapidly. "What if it's two women?"

"Well, it's kind of a loose metaphor anyway, to be entirely honest." Isabela changes around how she's holding her hands again. "You see not everything comes down to insertions."

"Andraste's knicker weasels, 'Bela!"

"Knickers can be involved or not. Weasels, well, at least the animal type are less common. Now, the Chantry only talks about Andraste's husbands, but I heard this one -"

"You're going to confuse her even more." Anders moves Hawke's legs out of his lap and leans over the table. "It's simple Merrill. In sex, some people really prefer to get, some people really prefer to give, and most people are somewhere in the middle and like doing a bit both. And then you have Isabela, who likes to tease."

"Guilty as charged. In bed and out."

"What does that have to do with a board game though?"

Hawke laughs. Anders covers his face with both hands. "Oh, Maker. I'm done here. And this is as much of an answer as you're getting, 'Bela." He turns toward Hawke, who isn't expecting and had only cautiously been hoping to be grabbed by the shoulders and kissed on the mouth and thus, very nearly loses his balance when he is. He's quick enough to topple toward Anders instead of over the table, steading himself with hands at Anders' skinny waist, and kissing him back before the moment can be lost.

"Finally!" Isabela applauds. "I thought I was going to have to spend the night with Hawke, which would be terribly awkward as he doesn't like women."

Hawke raises a middle finger in her general direction and earns a delighted cackle.

"But Hawke spends a lot of time with you, and me, and even Aveline. We're women?"

Varric pours more beer for himself and Merrill. "That's, um, not at all what she means, Daisy."

Anders rolls his eyes. He stands up and pulls Hawke with him. "Your place or mine is a stupid question, isn't it?"

"A very stupid question." Hawke grabs their jackets off the wall. Honestly, right now, either would do, but it's about the same distance and Hawke has a significantly nice bed. If they make it that far.

"I expect a full report in the morning, Hawke," Isabela shouts as they're walking out. "Might have bets riding on it."

"Fuck you, 'Bela." Hawke says with a glance back over his shoulder and a broad smile. He's closer to amused than annoyed. She had quite effectively forced Anders' hand in the little game he and Hawke had been playing for weeks. Maybe overdone it, but she'd done it. Isabela winks and flashes him two thumbs up before making a 'get going now' gesture.

"No, you won't. Don't forget the electricity thing."

"The electricity thing? Is that another metaphor?"

"Goodnight, Merrill."

[petri808]

Chapter 2 of 8

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 bonus

@inukag-week​ ~~~ Loyalty prompt

When Kagome opens her eyes the next morning, it was a breath of relief to hear the birds chirping and no sounds of rain.  The storm has passed.  She looks over to say good morning, only to see Inuyasha’s bed empty.  ‘Wow, he could have at least waited to say goodbye.’  But the sound of splintering wood catches her attention.  She gets up and throws on a shawl to go outside.  ‘Oh… Ohhh!’

What she finds is a bare chested Inuyasha chopping firewood.  

At the additional scent, he turns and heaves the ax onto his shoulder, “good morning milady.  I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

“Huh?  Oh, n-no, you didn’t.”  She takes a few steps forward.  “Why are you chopping my wood?”

“You’re a little low, so as a thank you, I figured I’d cut some for you.”

“Wow, thank you!”  Not only was seeing such a handsome male a generous sight, but the homely aspect caused quite a stir in her mind and body as it pieced together what was going on.  She was thankful for his help and just a little… or maybe a lot more intrigued by it all.  Her maternal instincts didn’t miss the idea of what kind of provider this man would be.  

“It’s no problem.  I’m almost done.”

Willing her heart to focus on reality.  “Hey, um, I’ll whip us up some porridge for breakfast, do you eat porridge?”

“I do.”

“Great!” she points a thumb back to the hut, “I’l--l just be inside then.”

“Okay,” he chuckles.

‘Breathe, Kagome, just calm down, that’s not the first male chest you’ve ever seen…’ Gods help her, but if he wasn’t one the finest specimens!  She assumed he would be fit, but, “how is that man still single,” she whispers to herself aloud.  Surely any woman would happily accept him as a husband; including herself.  Imagine the… Kagome stops herself there and shuts down her thoughts before it lead to unsavory and naughty ones.  They were friends.  The friendly neighborhood hunter and she the helpful village herbalist.

To switch her mind back to reality, she focuses on breakfast.  Some rice porridge, fresh fruits and honey.  It wasn’t a very filling meal, but she hoped it would be enough for the man.  There was a bit of left-over stew as well if Inuyasha was still hungry.

“Here ya go,” he piles the last armful of wood next to the hearth.  “That should take care of the week for ya.”

“Thank you very much Inuyasha.”  She beams at him.  “That really was very sweet of you.

He dusts off his hands and she directs him to sit.  Kagome then places a large bowl in his hands.  “It smells delicious,” he grins, “thank you for the meal.”

She waves her hand, “it’s the least I could do.”

They eat in a companionable silence for a time not really knowing what to say.  It was strange, but not uncomfortable this sense of normalcy, like a couple sitting down to a meal before going out for the day to work or whatever they did.  No matter how much she tried, Kagome couldn’t stop fantasizing.  It was just such a nice thought…

“What are you smiling about?”  

“Hmm?” She looks over to him a little doe-eyed and confused.  

“You’re smiling to yourself,” he chuckles.  “What are you smiling for?”

‘Oh, damn!’  it was one thing to be thinking about stuff, but she’d started to zone out and it was showing.  “I um, was just thinking about, well um, I have some flowers that should be blooming soon, and yeah it just popped in my head and made me happy,” she smiles wide to drive home her response.  “So, what are your plans for the day?”

Inuyasha bellows, “you make me laugh, I love it!”  Kagome didn’t need to know that he could detect scent changes and she was certainly not thinking about flowers, unless in terms of being deflowered.  “I don’t have any since I have enough meat to last a few days.  Probably work on some things around my property.  Do you need any help, anything that requires heavy lifting,” he leans forward a little, “I’d be happy to help?”

Kagome deadpans, is he flirting with her?  She flushes a little with the warmth rushing downward.  She squeezes her thighs together a bit, pretending to shift her position, “I wouldn’t want to trouble you…”

“Tis no trouble at all, I’m happy to help a fair maiden in distress.”

“T-That’s really kind of you Inuyasha, but I can’t think of anything right now.  All I planned to do today was scout for a few herbs Kaede will be running low on in the forest.”

“Hmm,” he taps his nose, “I can help with that, and besides, if we run into any wild game that would benefit us both.”

She’d forgotten he must have a higher sense of tracking abilities.  “O-Okay, sure, if you don’t mind.  I mean it’s pretty boring work.”

“I’m rather enjoying spending time with you.”

Again, another dose of heat floods along her cheeks, “I do too,” her voice is quiet but filled with happiness.  “It’s nice to have company.”  

“I agree.”

The pair finishes their meal and cleans up the dishes.  Once that’s done and the hut is locked up, Kagome grabs a basket and her bow and arrow, and they head out into the surrounding forests.  The storm from the night before left many areas damp and sometimes muddy, but it had also livened up much of the flora.  It was a reminder of how nature, though seemingly cruel at times, functioned for a purpose.  The rains brought life sustaining water to the plants and animals.  

With Inuyasha’s nose to guide them, the pair were able to find many different herbs useful in treating all kinds of illnesses.  He’d even caught a couple of hares using the bow along the way.  By the early afternoon, and her basket full, they’d taken to simply enjoying a stroll through the forest.  Kagome usually didn’t do such a thing, because the woods could be dangerous, but with Inuyasha at her side, she knew she didn’t have to worry.

But as they get closer to her hut, they can see someone waiting in front of it; the wolf yokai Kouga.  ‘Crap, was is he here?!’ Inuyasha slows his pace falling slightly behind Kagome.  

“Kouga?  What brings you here, is everything okay, is someone sick?”

As Kouga spoke to Kagome, he kept his eyes trained on Inuyasha. “Yeah, Ayame asked me to get something for teething, now that the pup’s teeth are coming in its driving him crazy.”  He was shocked to see the hanyo there, but not just any hanyo either.    

“Oh, yes, sure I can whip something up for that… um,” Kagome finally notices the two males staring each other down. “Kouga, do you know Inuyasha?  He recently moved to the village.”

“I know of him,” Kouga glares, “no good half-breed mutt that was such a coward he ran away from his duties.”

Damn it this wolf was gonna blow his cover!  Inuyasha glares back, “if you say another word, I’ll…”

Kagome steps in between them.  “Look, I don’t know what your problem is with Inuyasha, nor do I care.  All that matters to me is he’s my friend and he helps me out a lot.  I’m sure he has a valid reason for running here, and I’m not interested in prying out unnecessary information.  So, if you want the medicine, I suggest you stuff the male aggression and wait quietly or leave.”

“Fine, I’ll wait,” Kouga crosses his arms, “but I suggest after I leave, you ask this hanyo who he really is.” He turns around and walks a few feet away to sit on a fallen log.

“Ugh,” Kagome mumbles under her breath, “damn busy body,” she turns to Inuyasha, “come on,” pulling him by the arm, “help me so he’ll leave quicker.”

[hotchocolatewriting]

First of all, I LOVE your writing! It's so great, every time I read something I just !!! And also i enjoy A call for help, especially the latest parts. I get that you said it was the last part, I understand if you say no, but maybe, if you feel up to that, we could get a little bit more of fluff about them? And about the dog? Thanks anyway!

I didn’t have much time to write something today (hence me finishing this at midnight), but I really wanted to answer your ask. I ‘promised’ 7 would be the last... I lied. I love hero too much! So when I say your ask I was really happy that I got to write some more. I’m not sure if this chapter is fluff enough and I wrote it fast, so I hope it’s good enough and you still like it.

Part 1  || Part 2  || Part 3  || Part 4  || Part 5  || Part 6 || Part 7 It had been a hard decision to make, but eventually hero decided to get the dog. Or should they say it was other hero practically begging them to get one because it would be good for them? A little animal that hero could hug at all times. A little friend to play with and a really good way to keep themselves distracted. Now they were thinking about it, yes, it was because of other hero’s reasoning that they decided to get the dog. It had only been one week, but hero loved the pup already. He was so playful and he already liked hero more then he liked other hero. Hero had fallen asleep on the couch with the pup on their chest when other hero came in to take some pictures before they woke hero up. “Time for a walk with our little friend?” Hero nodded as they put the pup on the ground. He sniffed around for a bit and lay down on hero’s feet. Hero smiled and stroked him over his head. Then the pup got on his feet and walked away, only to come back with a peep toy. “Oh no! Not again!” other hero exclaimed, but hero saw the smile on their face. “Come, we go now before I have to hear ‘peep’ for the rest of the hour” It had been raining for days, but now it was finally dry except for a few smaller puddles. Hero tried to avoid the puddles as best as they could. They didn’t want the pup to jump into the water and find out that it was maybe too deep. It was nice to see how much they liked it outside. Completely the opposite of hero who hated the outside world. But now they had to focus on their little friend and they didn’t focus on the people around them, except for other hero who was talking to them. “I knew you wouldn’t regret it. Look at how much you love him! You aren’t even tensed and you’re outside! That’s great!” Hero blushed. “Maybe you were right.” The pup walked around hero, causing hero to turn around so they wouldn’t fall. Hero felt a hand on their back and before they knew it they were pulled behind the bushes by other hero. They looked hero in the eyes. Hero felt butterflies flying through their body, would they finally kiss? Like a real kiss, not only on their forehead, like other hero often did. “Are you finally going to kiss me?” hero asked playfully, feeling a little bit like their old self again. “Ssst!” ohter hero hissed. Hero raised an eyebrow, did they do something wrong? Did they anger other hero? “So no kiss? Sorry, I thought you..” “Quiet!” Other hero snapped. Their tone sharp and almost angry. Hero made themselves small. “Okay, now you’re scaring me, what’s wrong?” “Supervillain! They’re walking right there!” Hero felt their blood run cold, their breath stocked in their throat. They shook their head. No, this couldn’t be real! They were here for months now without hearing anything about supervillain. Everything had been safe! Why now? Did they find them? Were they going to get them back? “I..I Can’t ggg.go back!” Hero started to shake and they felt cold. Sweat streamed down their neck and they tried really hard not to cry out of fear and panic. “Hero, breathe.” But hero couldn’t find their breath until other hero forced them to look each other in the eyes. Hero forced themselves to take a few deep breaths. “Alright, you’re okay, hero. They are only walking there, they haven’t done anything to you now. It’s okay.” Hero felt some wet paws on their lap. They had been tensed and flinched until they saw it was the pup who had jumped into the water when hero wasn’t paying attention. “Did they see us?” Their voice was shaky, but they managed to get the words out without stuttering. Other hero shook their head. “I think not.” “Do you think they know I live here now?” “No, I think you’re fine.” Other hero looked around the bushes to see if they were still there. They pulled back, supervillain was still there. “What are they doing?” Hero asked, still a little scared that they might be searching for them. “Walking their dog, just like us.” Hero needed to see. They had to know for themselves, to see that supervillain really hadn’t seen them. They looked around the corner and there they stood. Not much further than a few meters away, talking to villain and laughing as the dog jumped against villain’s legs. Villain petted it gently and smiled. They looked like a happy family. Supervillain looked up and for a moment they and hero met eachothers eyes. At least that was what hero thought. But supervillain’s happy expression didn’t change even a little bit. They turned around again to put their arm around villain. Hero released their breath again. Supervillain hadn’t seen them. Hero and other hero waited a few more minutes and not much later they were gone. Hero later took the pup upstairs to put him into the bathtub. The little bean was completely covered in dirt and smelled like a wet dog. Hero turned the tab on, so they could wash him. It was easy enough to think about the naughty little pup, instead of supervillain who had been a few meters away from them today. They also thought about other hero who had been so close and they felt embarrassed about their ask for a kiss. Why would other hero kiss them? Why did they even ask? They weren’t even sure about what they felt. Not so long ago they loved supervillain. The pup was being an enthusiast and jumped against hero’s chest, trying to lick them in the face. Hero laughed out loud. “No! Don’t! Stay!” Other hero walked into the bathroom to observe the chaos. They rolled their eyes when they saw hero playing with a clean, but still wet pup. The whole bathroom was dirty and hero’s shirt was drenched so badly that other hero could look through the white fabric. “I’m almost starting to get jealous of that little dog. He got you laughing more within a single week then I could in months, besides.. I also want some attention.” Hero raised an eyebrow. “You do? I thought..” Other hero rolled their eyes again. “You wanted to kiss me an hour ago and now you think I hate you?” Hero turned their head away with a slight smile. “I..” Other hero pulled them close and kissed them. Their lips were soft, their body warm against hero’s. Their hands felt reassuring against hero’s lower back, hero melted away into the touch. The kiss. They leaned in, not wanting it to be over, not wanting to let go.Other hero slowly pulled away with a slight smile. Their face red from the lack of air. “Don’t you dare think that I don’t like you.” Hero blushed and played shyly with their shirt. Behind them the pup tried to climb out of the bathtub. Hero picked them up and held the pup close to their chest with one arm. With the other they pulled other hero into a hug. “Now we have our own little family.” Other hero laughed. “As long as I don’t kick him out for calming my lovely hero. I was being serious, I am getting jealous, yesterday you slept with him in your bed!”

Hero remembered the dog standing at their bedside with those big eyes and wagging tail. “Oh no! Don’t look at me with those puppy eyes.” They kept staring. “No! You’re not getting into my bed!” It had only taken five more seconds for them to succeed and sleep together with hero. “So.. You’re still checking me on nightmares then?” hero asked quietly. “More like hoping you would ask me to lay beside you.” Hero was surprised to hear that, but they didn’t show. “You know I would be too scared to ask, I still think I don’t deserve you.. any of this.” “Too bad for you then. You got everything and now you have your little family.” Hero let their head rest on other hero’s shoulders as they closed their eyes. They thought about how they saw villain and supervillain today as a happy family. How somewhere they had felt a little jealous. But now they had their own. Hero smiled. “You, me and this little pup.”