#well if you're killing more than two people can you at least be like john wick about it?

[corkinavoid]

I'm pretty sure this has been done before (and several times), but brain going brrr, so

DPxDC John Constantine's How To: Ghost Kids

Bruce doesn't even get to say anything when the door to his study opens with a slam against the wall, and before he knows it, he gets an armful of kids. As in, a bouquet of them.

"I'm so done," John Constantine breathes out, raspy and exhausted, looking like a trainwreck incarnate. Granted, the man always looked like one, but right now, the effect has been greatly worsened. The dark circles under John's eyes are, in fact, black, and it looks like he hasn't shaved in at least a week.

Bruce looks down to the small gaggle of children in his lap that he caught in his hands by sheer reflex.

All three of them look up at him with identical, sky blue eyes. They could be twins if it was not for their obviously different ages - the girl looks no older than three, while the boys are probably around five and six.

The older boy scrunches his nose. The girl pouts, but it looks directed at Constantine rather than at him.

Bruce looks back to John, a silent question in his eyes.

"They are- Well, not mine, for starters," the man begins, placing his hands on the table right over the sheets and documents, and leans on it, hanging his head down. Then, he raises one hand up and waves it in the air, "Not yours either, thank the Gods for that." He takes a deep breath.

Bruce's eyebrows raise all the way up to his hairline. The girl starts trying to wiggle out of his hands, but the middle boy holds her back, keeping her in Bruce's lap. She pouts harder.

"And you've brought them here why?" Bruce breaks the stretched out silence, gently repositioning the kids into a more comfortable hold. John raises his head up at him, and the magician's eyes look straight up pleading.

"You're the only person I know of who is, one, a parent, two, acquainted with supernatural, three, a man of great patience, and four, owes me a favor." Constantine lists off reasons that don't really make sense all together, especially regarding kids. Then he thinks for a moment and adds, "Five, owes a shitton of liquor."

"John, what-"

"Listen, I've been dealing with them for a week, I'm at my limit," Constantine interrupts him, desperate and close to whining, "I haven't slept in more than three consecutive hours for days. I don't remember the last time I ate. Or took a shower."

Yes, Bruce can see that. Or, rather, smell it. But that answers none of his questions as to who, why, and how.

"I would kill for a bath," John admits, like it's some sort of a secret. The middle boy opens his mouth, but Constantine points an accusing finger at him, "No, the puddle of melted ghost ice does not count for a bath. And don't come at me with your death puns."

The child rolls his eyes but closes his mouth back and slumps. Bruce resists the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose, but only because he is holding three kids. His hands are full, quite literally.

"John, I need you to explain," he asks, somewhere between a demand and a careful inquiry. Because, really, the man looks on the brink of losing his sanity, that much is evident. Bruce might not like the man, but he can at least partially sympathize with dealing with kids.

His bare minimum of sympathy - and isn't it a bizarre thought, emotionally sympathizing with John Constantine of all people - does not ease his growing worry and irritation. The girl starts trying to get out of his hold again.

John takes a very deep breath, holds it, and then-

"I stole them," he says, looking Bruce dead in the eye, with a sense of resigned, if a bit unhinged, determination. And, before Bruce is able to ask literally anything else, he keeps going, "Their parents are shit, a branch of government is out for their guts - as in, literal guts - there was- there is a backdoor to the afterlife in their basement, and also they are dead and because of some Realms fuckery and their spiritual granddad being a huge pain in the ass, they are all wrong ages."

Bruce blinks. Then blinks again. Processing that sentence turns out to be a lot harder than he estimated.

The oldest kid in his lap gives John a middle finger, nearly sneering. The girl starts snickering, somehow making it soundless.

"Oh, and they are under a silence charm because if I hear one more references to fucking Ghostbusters I will shoot myself," Constantine finishes matter-of-factly.

Distantly, Bruce wonders if John can make that spell into some sort of an amulet. God knows, Dick really needs one sometimes. Steph does, too. And Jason. Actually, all of them need one.

He looks over the kids again. They don't seem scared or unsettled, neither by the fact they are sitting in a lap of a stranger nor by Constantine's bullet point version of a summary to their lives. They mostly just look annoyed and grumpy, and a bit embarrassed in case of the middle boy.

Bruce sighs and decides to start somewhere.

"Do they have names?"

[part 2 ->]

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

Vriska: "8efore you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves." What a stupid fucking quote!!!!!!!! I'm killing WAAAAAAAAY more than two people. Idiot.

[starfallforest]

Stop putting 'Too Sweet' by Hozier in your Sylus playlists

I am sorry—this was clickbait. I don’t actually care what you do with your life. But I need you to hear me out for just a second, okay? I am extremely not neurotypical about two things: Love and Deepspace, and Andrew John Hozier-Byrne. And I have seen more than one person in the tags talk about "Too Sweet" by Hozier being a perfect song for Sylus and MC. My only discourse about this is that Too Sweet is a song about a man who makes continuous self-sabotaging life decisions being incompatible with a partner who has her life put together. In my humble opinion, both Sylus and MC are hot messes of people in completely different ways. Anyway, it’s a good song so I don’t blame you for putting it in every playlist ever. In fact, you should. But if you're into this song, I want to show you a couple more pls pls pls 🙏​

I might just be autistic, but both Hozier's music and Love and Deepspace have something extremely important in common… and that’s BEAUTIFUL MEN YEARNING!!!1 And that’s not even to mention the haunting, raw sexuality we can project onto the stories that each of these things feeds to us. That's why I needed to make this post on the 1% chance that someone might hop on this brainrot train with me. So let me present, for just a moment of your time (if you're willing): other Hozier songs that fit Sylus so well I want to combust about it.

De Selby (Parts 1 & 2):

“At last, when all of the world is asleep You take in the blackness of air The likes of a darkness so deep That God—at the start—couldn't bear.” [azlyrics] [gaelic translation]

Imagine just casually writing THE love song that so beautifully says, “Before you were in my life, I kinda understood how God felt before he created the universe.” Excuse me? Andrew just dropped this stanza on us without so much as a cw: fuck you. And if that sickening portrait of gnawing loneliness isn’t enough, we have all the Genesis God references. Since all the LIs in the game are at some point likened to gods or rivaling gods with their power, then add the reverberating instrumentals and chillingly slow vocals in this 2-minute killer, tell me how this song does not fit Sylus. Not only that, but we also have imagery of his lover descending upon him like the night (which is invoked during Part 1 in the Gaelic verse), and I know that’s on the nose for Sylus but come on. I need you guys writing smut to have an orgasm during De Selby (at least Part 2) because it might change ur brain chemistry I'm just saying.

“When you fall on me like night—I wanna kill the lights.” [azlyrics]

This song still rules irt its playing with darkness symbolism, but it also refers to the darkness in the singer’s lover—which in Sylus’ case is MC and we all were there when she shot the guy in the heart like his freaky eye was telling her: “And your heart, love, has such darkness—I feel it in the corners of the room…” my goddddddd stop right there I can’t handle the METAPHORrrr. You think Sylus gives a flying fuck about MC’s frivolous morality bullshit? No he wants her to embrace her own darkness, sit under the blankies with him and cuddle after doing crimes and a beat poetry session. This is some fucking Hannibal Lecter beyond-dark-romance shit. I’m not even trying to write a dissertation here (and yet…)

Talk (from Wasteland, Baby!):

“I'd be the sweet feeling of release mankind now dreams of, That's found in the last witness before the wave hits, marveling at God… Imagine being loved by me.” [azlyrics]

Not only does this song utilize insane Greek mythology metaphor and Biblical comparison but the overall meaning of it is, “I want you so bad, I need to speak poetically to hide how down bad I am for you.” That sounds kinda like Old World Sylus and all his pretty nicknames to me.

NFWMB:

“If I was born as a black thorn tree, I'd wanna be felled by you, held by you, Fuel the pyre of your enemies… Ain't it warming you, the world going up in flames?” [azlyrics]

This whole song just some hard, deep and steady yearning for 4 and a half minutes. Are you kidding? The acronym in the title stands for Nothing Fucks With My Baby, which is sung in the chorus like some quietly violent war chant—soft, dark, and powerful. Anyway don’t tell me Mr. Sylus “Give me a list and then go to bed. I’ll take care of it” Loveanddeepspace wouldn’t scorch the earth for the love of his life—or do one better and stand by her side while she scorches the earth herself; here’s the protective/supportive mans anthem you ordered babes.

It Will Come Back:

“I know who I am when I'm alone—I'm something else when I see you. You don't understand, you should never know How easy you are to need.” [azlyrics]

This song has repeated imagery that warns of the dangers of taking care of a feral animal, and then compares the feral animal to the singer as a lover. Like fuck off, that’s sexy and haunted. And we know that not only does Sylus love animals more than people, but he’s pretty animalistic himself if we are to believe that maybe he’s secretly a demon or something.

Arsonist’s Lullaby:

“Don't you ever tame your demons, but always keep them on a leash.” [azlyrics]

Remember in Lost Oasis when MC goes on some tangent wondering what Sylus' past was like? Well it was this song. It's about troubled youth and learning to grow in your darkness. Also how cool is that imagery of demons? Hey Sylus, what do you have to say about demons? I'll wait. In the meantime I'm tattooing this shit on my clavicle

BONUS ROUND Through Me:

“Everytime I’d burn through the world, I’d see that the world—it burns through me.”

We got a man and we got some fire allusions so there ya go.

Blood Upon the Snow:

“To all things housed in her silence, Nature offers a violence.”

Blood upon the snow—it's red and white! Red!! And white!!! Also kind of a Sylus x Zayne anthem lbr

Ok I hope you found another song that inspires you to make Sylus art or fanfic with!! And before you ask, yes I've already assigned Hozier songs to every other love interest in the game. Ok thanks for reading!!! 🏃‍♀️​💨​

[fate-motif]

here's the character traits i think predisposes characters in the jigsaw franchise to get brainwashed by jigsaw and become a jigsaw killer themselves:

they have to believe that they did something wrong, and that they atoned for it when jigsaw tested them

they have to be already somewhat comfortable making life or death decisions for other people

we all know pee-paw's self-help seminar from hell isn't just an alleged self-help seminar, but doubles as retributive justice in case the person fails (in his eyes). so whoever is offered to join up with jigsaw has to be comfortable with both sides of the ideological operation in play. it's not enough that they were severely traumatized and have a hole in their lives that they could fill by being part of this cult, though those things really predisposes them for the brainwashing. multiple characters were targeted to join the jigsaw movement and did not feel the vibe, so i think i have it isolated to these two traits.

further thoughts under the cut

how we see this in the apprentices

this puts all three main character mainline franchise jigsaw apprentices in a very clear light, really. amanda thinks john helped her overcome her addiction and redeemed her for the things she did as an addict. lawrence acknowledges how he neglected his family and took them for granted so hard that he cut off his foot for them even though there was no guarantee they would be alive when he got out. hoffman is perhaps the one that feels he owes john the least (since he at least partially came in on the scheme purely through blackmail) but considering his intense passion for brutally punishing the guilty i think it's safe to say john testing him jolted him out of the apathetic, drunken stupor he had been living in since his sister was killed, and that he thinks that's a good thing.

(your mileage may vary as to whether logan nelson blamed himself for john's cancer going undetected, but as a coroner he seems to take his job extremely seriously. if john sparing his life caused him to take action in appreciating his life in any way, i think it's fair to say that it got him to give his everything when at work.)

and as for the life or death decision making for others, it's crystal clear at least to me why the people that joined up did. two are doctors and one is a cop. these are professions where making life or death decisions for others is required, even if you're doing everything you can to save someone's life. amanda isn't either a cop or a doctor but having been an ex-con i think it's safe to say the high risk environment may have predisposed her to feel more comfortable taking decisions that may lead to someone's death.

and it's not really a coincidence that it's cops and doctors, either. both policing and healthcare are embedded in the themes of the saw franchise. john kramer thinks jigsaw is a doctor that doubles as a cop; healing a sickness if the patient is worthy, killing them if they aren't. that's why i think a lot of traps that people like to claim 'don't work' because the players aren't being tested for a flaw or misdeed still suit the jigsaw ethos perfectly. because pee-paw may act high and mighty but what matters most to him is the retributive justice aspect of the traps. and this is the same for all his apprentices as well.

except for brad and ryan, really, but they're more than anything victims of saw 3d's rushed writing. they're only there to help lawrence stop hoffman, since a disabled oncologist might struggle to take down the armed and dangerous cop turned serial killer. even then i can sort of squint and see those two as thanking jigsaw for intervening on letting this one woman ruin their friendship and make them commit crimes when she didn't value them. the atoning aspect, weak as it is, may be complimented by the fact that jigsaw just netted himself a couple of honest-to-god psychopaths because they didn't look even a little remorseful to have to kill their girlfriend when they reached their truce. oh, well.

but what i like about my conclusions is that they really explain why the victims who were set up to be brainwashed failed

not every jigsaw game victim would make a good apprentice

yes, up front: john kramer has lost his mind when he thinks anyone would ever want to join his sick little crusade. most people do not want to kill and can't find killing in most capacities to be vile. also most people's reactions after being tortured would be to immediately try and attack their torturer. and yet the madman actually netted three people to help him out. it's such an insanely lucky number, really, proven by the fact that hoffman tries to recruit two cops and fails.

two cops. one of them had engaged in police brutality, let a colleague cover for him, and respected and defended colleagues that engaged in it. the other one may have been a little too classy to punch suspects in the face, but the way he treats jill tuck speaks to the opposite of any respect for people's dignity. both of them are fine murdering jigsaw game victims who were only attacking under the extreme circumstanced they were in! and yet they didn't even hesitate when hoffman tried to sell them on the life of being jigsaw, the ultimate policeman!

because neither of them thought they had anything to atone for.

while rigg has an entire library of things to atone for, what hoffman wants him to regret and feel bad for is letting his desire to save people affect the people around him. maybe if hoffman had any kind of emotional intelligence he could have pitched his traps to make him consider his actions on others, but instead all his arguments came down to 'look at these weak, pathetic people. they're sick, deep down, so it doesn't matter if they die when we torture them'. which rigg was never going to believe. he saw his desire to save people as innately good and unchangeable, which is correct, of course. it's just that the actions he takes are absolutely hopeless to actually save anyone in hoffman's eyes, because that desire makes him careless but in mine because policing saves no one. so of course he could never have become a jigsaw killer, because his traps did not make him think he had something to atone for.

as for strahm, hoffman didn't even bother brainwashing him, and that's why obviously he was never going to get in that coffin. the water cube trap was a straightforward execution. strahm had already seen a jigsaw trap mutilate perez for no reason other than to get them off his trail. by the time he reaches the coffin there was nothing in the world that could have convinced strahm to join hoffman.

it really speaks to how far gone and twisted hoffman is that in either of these cases, especially strahm's, hoffman thought there would be a chance either of them would even think about joining forces with him.

could any other jigsaw victims have made good apprentices?

i have a couple of ideas.

before we get to the candidates i'm going to address the apprentice adam angle, because it's a common au and everyone loves adam and wants him to be alive. also because it's a fun angle for chainshipping. this is your opening to send me chainshipping fanworks where larry tries to brainwash adam into joining him! but as it stands in canon i don't think adam would have found it in him to join the serial killers because he's not the kind of guy with a developed killer instinct. yes, he's depressed and suicidal in the original script. yes, the bathroom game makes him say out loud he wants to stop taking his family for granted. but he killed zepp in the very urgent scenario of trying to stop zepp from shooting lawrence, and i don't think he has it in him to deliberately put people in torture games where it's very likely they'll die. especially since, before jigsaw, adam had never met anyone he would actually find it in him to kill on purpose. though neither had lawrence, so i will give the adam apprentice girlies a point there.

the writers of the first movie say that zepp was having a blast when he kidnapped gordon’s family so he’s clearly he’s got the killer instinct needed for the job. the problem is that even john would be able to tell by a glance that zepp wouldn’t be able to stop himself from indiscriminately harming people as opposed to using violence for their ideological leanings. there’s a reason he was poisoned instead of merely asked to join. so while a rare find in that he might have already been primed to be a serial killer already, we all know john loves his delusion of doing violence for a higher purpose and zepp would ruin that illusion very quickly.

the only candidates i think would have been perfect otherwise would be brit and mallick from the fatal five. i've mentioned this before but they feel like they've atoned for their crimes through their game and were delusionally euphoric by the end of it. and so long as the victims chosen were on the scummier end of things, i could see both of them prompted into villainy.

you know who else got prompted into villainy? brett abbott. which is kind of insane to say considering he's a kid and i feel for him even though he did literally murder a man. it's just very hard for me to hate a kid suffering under institutional injustices even though he let that suffering out through murder. but all i'm saying is that under the right trap brett and the fatal five survivors were the more ideal candidates for apprenticeship... if only john was there.

yeah. hoffman doesn't have it in him to coax anyone into anything. he's a homemade nail bomb, not a leader. he would probably even dismiss brit and mallick right off the bat over their now missing hands, and you can't tell me he would have the patience to groom a teenager like brett. amanda and lawrence are also not exactly winning in the charm department. so really once the cult's charismatic leader kicked the bucket their way of life was doomed to eat itself from the inside out.

which is exactly what happened.

... don't ask me to think very hard about anyone in jigsaw because i've forgotten 95% of that movie

[alienoresimagines]

Dying for more crumbs of your "I was made to protect you" Bodyguard/Royalty AU if you're willing to share!

Nonnie!! 🥹🫶🏻 I swear this AU was on the backburner because I couldn't find what I wanted to do with it but your ask really kickstarted it so thank you 🥹❤️ As crumbs, here is my humble offering of John and Gale, twelve years after their first meeting, when they are safe and well in love ❤️ Yes, we're starting backwards but take this as a guarantee I won't kill off any of them 😂 As for the main fic, an outline is starting to be formed and I hope I'll manage to get a few chapters done before uni starts 🥰 But really, none of this would be here without you, so thank you 🥹💕

Also on AO3

Our love, for eternity | Buck x Bucky (Royalty/Bodyguard AU)

John cannot remember the first time someone took his hand to press a kiss on his knuckles. Maybe when he was five, and his father could no longer protect him from the incessant requests of the Council to have him properly introduced to Court? He doesn’t remember much from it, too overwhelmed by all the noise and the crowd present, his only wish to hide himself behind his father’s legs but no longer allowed to, at least not in public. 

Almost thirty years later and he handles it much better, has learned to thrive on the attention and emotions of a crowd, even though he’s man enough to admit his father’s steady presence will always comfort him. Still, despite knowing it is part of protocol and that it is truly the least he can do, letting hundreds of nobles fall to their knees in front of him to bring his hand to their lips isn’t exactly on his pros list of being first Crown Prince and then King. Every day, he understands a bit better why his father chose to pass on the throne to him two years ago to live in a small cottage with Red and who knows how many horses the two men had managed to get their hands on since then. He’d gone to visit the two men just yesterday and they looked happier than ever, and John cannot deny that the idea of a small retreat in a house near the beach with Gale sounds like heaven. But alas, not for another twenty years at the least. 

He can do twenty years. With Gale at his side, he could do eternity as King. And really, when Gale is the one kissing his knuckles, the entire affair is much more tolerable, not to mention enjoyable. It never fails to have John’s entire being buzz with warmth spreading from his chest whenever Gale’s calloused palm gently close around his to bring his hand to his face until the now familiar prickle of beard tickles his skin, soothed by the press of soft lips. It’s a gesture Gale loves, always making sure he holds John’s gaze when his lips touch the tender skin, eyes warm and soft, corners of his mouth turned up even as it rests gently against John’s knuckles. They could be reading side by side in John’s private chambers, loosely holding hands in the space between their two armchairs, fire gently crackling in front of them, and Gale would bring up their joined hands until he could kiss John’s knuckles, only looking up from his book once John could feel his breath fanning over back of his hand. 

In all the years they’ve known each other and amongst all the different things they’ve done with and to each other, few things have felt as intimate as Gale kissing his hand, no matter how many times he’s done it. Each one feels like a vow, full of more emotions and words than anyone could ever see behind the gesture. Many people have brought John’s hand to their lips- or their forehead, an alternative he prefers with strangers, he has to admit- in a sign of loyalty. But Gale always does it in absolute devotion and love, so sincere and raw it never fails to tighten John’s throat with so many emotions he cannot name until he almost chokes on them.

To all assembled in the throne room today, it is a common gesture meant to show utmost servitude to a monarch. To John, it’s timeless proof there is no one more devoted to him and his heart than the man currently kneeling at his feet.

There’s a reverence in how Gale does it. The gentle grip in which he holds John’s right hand, letting the curve of his fingers rest against his index as he brings it closer to his face, head bowed, as if they are the only two present. 

John’s hands aren’t as soft or slender as other women’s in Court. They’re calloused and rough from sword training, knuckles scarred with little cuts here and there. Gale still takes his time swiping his thumb over his knuckles, as though softly uncovering the skin. John feels like the most precious thing in the world, and he has to bite his lip to keep himself from smiling too wide. Then, to his surprise, Gale bows his head even lower until his forehead rests against John’s hand, windswept golden hair tickling the skin of his wrist. He lingers for a moment too long to be anything but on purpose, and John’s heart feels so full of love it might burst right out of his chest to leap into the waiting hands of the man kneeling in front of him. Despite the numerous scars on those war-hardened hands, none would be- and have been- as gentle and tender in holding his heart, of this John is sure.

It’s been two weeks since they’ve seen each other, the longest they’ve ever been apart since they first met, twelve years ago. Neither of them had been particularly willing, but a foreign delegation had specifically asked for Gale to be their escort back home and nothing could have justified John’s refusal; the kingdom is more at peace than it has been in years and Anglia’s relations with its neighbors always need to be strengthened.

To know that Gale had missed him as much John had missed him, enough that he’d chosen to be bolder than usual almost as though he couldn’t help himself? It sends bursts of warmth through John’s gut, golden light flowing through his veins until he feels warm all over, toes curling in his boots. Twelve years and the strength of his love for Gale still threatens to knock him off his feet.

Gale lifts his head, locking eyes with him, and though John needs to be careful of the emotions playing on his face, Gale has no such limits, his back to the rest of the room. Warm and fond and longing, cornflower eyes look up through blond lashes, the smile Gale doesn’t let curve his lips beside the faint upturn of the corners of his mouth dancing in the depths of blue. Then, finally, his lips kiss John’s knuckles in a lingering press, his beard a sweet tickle on his skin. John’s missed the touch so much that his knees feel weak upon feeling it again after two weeks of being starved for it, and a small sigh escapes his lips. Gale must hear it because he wiggles his eyebrows teasingly when he lowers John’s hand with a last caress of his thumb, and it’s all John can do not to pull him up and kiss him senseless, feel the softness of pump lips and the rough but pleasurable burn on his chin and cheeks.

The moment it is appropriate enough for them to go, John is crowding Gale in a secluded alcove until all he can taste are Gale’s kisses. 

“Your Grace,” and oh, how John had missed that deep voice, the way it rumbles through his body in a shiver that goes down his spine. Heat stirs low in his belly, the familiar flames of arousal only stoked by Gale’s intense gaze as John pulls him up.

John is taking him to bed in the following hour, midday and reports be damned. 

Despite this promise to himself, he can’t help the urge to feel Gale close to him, so with an arm around his shoulders, he brings him into a brief hug, clapping his hand on Gale’s shoulder a few times to mask the way he turns his head just so to bury his nose behind Gale’s ear, inhaling deeply. Nobody would blink at this display of affection, the Court well aware of John’s easygoing nature and affectionate ways with friends. 

Too soon, Gale starts pulling back and John reluctantly lets him, for a moment missing the boldness of earlier but recognizing the longing in Gale’s eyes, knowing it mirrors his. 

“You missed me?” Gale chuckles, shakes his head as he steps back to a more appropriate distance. His eyes don’t leave John’s face, as though carefully studying any change that might have happened in the two weeks they’d been apart.

“Like a stone in my shoe.” 

Even if John cannot pull him back into his own body, hold him there with an arm around his shoulders, this is something they can do. The easy banter and fond teasing they both know all the hidden messages of. It’s there, in the warm blue of Gale’s eyes and the smile that pulls at his lips. John is sure it shows in the way his eyes crinkle, how he can barely stop his arms from reaching out again. But nobody will blink at the lack of honorifics or at the fondness coloring Gale’s tone, too used to seeing them attached at the hip when they can be, or Gale always half a step behind John in times of duty. People will smile and write about the unbreakable bond between a King and his Shield, once again proving how Royal and Shield are closer than soulmates, never knowing how true those words are. 

My Clegan fics

[steveinscarlet]

Another vintage Kerrang article for your delectation. This one is loooong. Text below the cut...

THEY'RE ALL concerned and they all want answers. Mötley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee, hauling ass down Sunset Boulevard, Los Angeles, in a sparkling silver Corvette, certainly does. So does Blackfoot mainspring Ricky Medlocke, a recent unexpected apparition within the Marquee's glistening vaults. So does just about everyone I've met in the course of recent field-trips. They're all wearing that 'there but for the grace of God' look and they all want to know. So do I...

"Every time you speak to Rick on the phone you come away with a big grin on your face because he's in such good spirits. He's handling it better than I thought he would. He's matured 10 years overnight. He's totally accepted the fact that he's only got one arm and he's being very realistic about coming back into Def Leppard. He's mad to go for it, though, and we're mad to let him try."

That drummer Rick Allen will try, however, isn't in doubt. He's adamant about it and Leppard vocalist Joe Elliott is equally adamant that the band will give him their unrestrained support. As they've said all along, the decision is totally his "We aren't trying to show off or get sympathy," spells out Joe, "it's just the way we are. Def Leppard is simply five lads - we could have been a football team, we could have been international bank robbers. Rick's a mate, and just because he's had an accident doesn't mean he can't still be in the band. If he physically can't do it then obviously there's going to be problems, but with the technology available today I don't see why he can't play snare drum with his left foot, say. And if he can do that, and maybe have tom tom fills already recorded on a trigger, then the kit would look exactly the same. "Bill Ludwig, who builds Rick's kits, actually got in touch with him as soon as it happened, and it seems that there's a lot of one-arm drummers, guys who came back from Vietnam, y'know. The thing is, they tend to play Holiday Inns and places that like that; it's a different approach to drumming. Rick has a very John Bonhamish style - I mean, the quy doesn't need monitors, he's ridiculously loud! - and he'd never be able to do with one hand what he did with two for an hour and three quarters. It would kill him! So he's gonna need the technology. It's just down to whether he can accept the fact that there are gonna be people in the crowd trying to peer through the cymbals to see a plastic arm. He'll have to wear a shirt now, whereas before he'd always go bare-topped..."

THE DETAILS of the car crash that removed 21- year-old Rick (temporarily at least) from the Leppard ranks have been pretty well documented, grabbing column inches in the Nationals and beyond. The bare facts seem plain enough: at 12.50pm on New Year's Eve, while driving his Corvette along the A57 from Sheffield to his parents home in Dronfield (Derbyshire), Rick was involved in an incident which sent his car spinning out of control, turning over several times, injuring his female passenger and removing his left arm in the process. He remembers what happened vividly, and really can count himself fortunate to be alive. When the debris from the accident was examined it was found that the top half of the steering wheel had been bent back, Rick's particular power clearly preventing the steering column and dashboard from crushing against his chest. But why did it happen?

Picking through the events with Elliott it soon becomes obvious that the whole story is a little more complex than yer typical life-in-the-fast-lane pile up. Think about it...

When you're young and successful, with a streamlined US car and a female companion to match, it can sometimes sting the nasal membrane of the folks you've abandoned to a dole queue existence in your humdrum hometown rut. People have been known to glow green with jealousy, and on New Year's Eve people have been known to take a drink. Sometimes even a life...

"Yeah," says Joe quietly. "There was another car involved in the accident."

Mucking Rick around, you mean?

"That's right. But the people have denied it and there's nothing we can do. The coppers have interviewed them but it's no good I'd love to go round and kill 'em!"

Joe takes a moment to collect his thoughts, then continues... "The arm was placed in a bucket of ice gathered from all the houses nearby and Rick was in hospital (the Royal Hallamshire) within 19 minutes, which is unbelievable. He underwent an 11-hour operation; his arm was back on by ten to one the following morning, but infection set in and after three days they had to take it off.

"His nerves are still alive, though. They've got them wrapped up like spaghetti, and it's possible to have them connected up in a way that can give movement to a prosthetic arm. So the Steve Austin 'Six Million Dollar Man' thing is not beyond the realms of possibility one day. Rick still feels his arm because of the nerves."

When did you hear what had happened?

"I heard at about ten to four the same afternoon and I couldn't believe it. I cried like a baby for about three hours - my face was hurting. Peter (Mensch, manager) rang and said, 'Rick's had an accident, his arm's off, but they've sown it back on'. I've heard of that working before but unfortunately it was torn off, not cut off, so everything snapped and stretched in different places, which made it more difficult."

How soon after the accident did you visit Rick in hospital?

"I saw him two days after it happened... it was the worst experience I've ever had... but he was walking a week earlier than expected and telling the nurses to f**k off after three days because he was fed up having his bandages changed. He sounds in fine form now and wants to get back; drumming's all he's ever done, and he's done it very well."

"It's just up to him if he can stand the strain. I mean, he's going to go through some crap. He's not had it yet, but he's gonna suffer from depression; bad depression. He's being very realistic about it, though. He said to me, 'When it comes, it comes.' He wants to come out here to Holland but he knows he can't."

Presumably he won't be ready to play a part on the forthcoming tour?

"No, and he knows that. Somebody will guest with us until we know the result of Rick's convalescence." Would you consider using two drummers on any subsequent tours?

"Possibly, yeah, and Rick could do specific bits. We've definitely thought about that, but he's got a lot to learn first. I mean, there's certain things that are now a fact of life. If Rick wants to wear baseball boots, for example, he's gonna have to wear Velcro ones. And he's probably gonna need press-stud trousers. He's got to learn to bath himself even..."

"The thing is, at the moment his right arm doesn't work. The ball is smashed so they've had to pin it. He's got a six inch pin as big as a poker in there. Imagine if your elbow was sown to your hip; well that's all the movement he's got. I guess he's a bit of a mess, though mentally he's the best he's ever been."

What would happen if Rick returned to the band yet clearly wasn't cutting it? Would you have to tell him? "No, because he'd know himself. He's said that to me on the phone. He's being realistic- if he can't do it he can't, but he's definitely gonna try. There'll come a time when Rick will say, I'm ready, and we'll get together in a rehearsal room for a month and see what he does. He'll either turn round and go

'Yes!' and we'll go 'Yes!', or else he'll say 'Sorry, I'm not coping with it.'

"The important thing is that he tries, otherwise he'll never know, and that would be awful. I know he'd rather fail than not try at all. Besides, it's no big secret that we use drum machines on the records so, whatever happens, he could still be involved on that side. We would just take a session drummer out on the road."

"At the moment, we're trying not to get too depressed about the whole situation, but we were mega-depressed at first. I was in a real state, like a zombie for five hours, and for quite a time after I just didn't want to get into a car. I know it's daft, but it's true

A BONHAM of the biscuit tins, a Titan of the tupperware, since the age of 11 Rick Allen has thought of little outside of drums and drumming. At the moment he's at home, probably watching Cheech & Chong videos on the new system bought for him by Phonogram Records. But chances are that his thoughts are elsewhere, no doubt wafting with the music around the booths and corridors of Wisseloord Studios near Amsterdam, Holland, where Leppard are recording their fourth, as yet untitled, LP. As always, he's with his colleagues 110 per cent (for now it can be in spirit only), a continued commitment that should spur him on through the tough weeks and numerous hospital visits ahead.

Prior to the accident, he'd laid the groundwork for eight backing tracks, and the remaining two songs on the album were always destined to feature a less human touch, the band specifically wanting a more clinical punch, so there's no problem on that front. As for his work on backing vocals, well, Elliott can easily deputise in that department, leaving Rick free to concentrate on the speediest recovery possible and, as Elliott puts it, "Learn to live again. He's having all these drums built and a special car designed, all sorts of stuff..."

All things considered, '84 certainly wasn't an easy year for Def Leppard, a rude awakening for an almost unbroken streak of good fortune. First longstanding associate 'Mutt' Lange proved unable to produce the new LP, likewise his replacement Jim Steinman (though for different reasons - read on!), and then came The Accident, which instantly eclipsed all previous hassles, reducing apparent mountains of doom and dismay to easily skirted molehills. But, if anything, adversity has caused the four active members of the Leppard clan to virtually graft respective beaks to the grindstone in a collective consummate effort to make their next album their best.

The band's first LP, 'On Through The Night', produced by (Colonel) Tom Allom, took a mere 18 days to record and remains something of an embarrassment in Elliott's eyes (someday he'd like to remix it and touch up a few of the vocal parts), while the second, 'High 'N' Dry', with Lange now at the helm, was laid down in three and a half months, including a month's pre-production, bang, bang, bang, 'Mutt' clearly wanting to capture the excitement generated by these 21-year-old 'let's go for its'. But 'Pyromania' now that was a different story, with band and producer (Lange again) making a conscious decision at the outset to pin back the ears of a generation with something of genuine lasting quality; an attempt to update the glories of Queen's 'Sheer Heart Attack' and 'Night At The Opera' LPs...

They went for it in a big way and 10 months later came up trumps, creating a slice of history that many have doubted they'll be able to top; an album that left the whole of the music industry wide-eyed and open-mouthed, and caused bands both big and small to almost instantly re-assess their directions and aims. A (hard) labour of love still selling around a thousand a week, it broke taboos and set fresh standards right down the line.

"Hopefully, it'll be an Heavy Metal 'Sergeant Pepper...'," says Elliott, "who knows, but we've got to do more. It'd be tragic if our best album was our third and we end up doing 17 LPs."

Whatever the next album sounds like, however, Joe's convinced that it's gonna be slated by the press. He's resigned himself to the fact (not having heard the record beyond a few notes ricocheting out of the studio doors, I really can't comment), but, along with bassist Rick Savage and guitarists Steve Clark/Phil Collen, he's ploughing on regardless, helping to create something different to 'Pyromania' in content yet as good, if not better, overall.

"Since 'Pyromania' we're two years on technically," he explains. "The Fairlights are better, the keyboards are better and the microphones are better. And we're two years more experienced, of course. Actually, we keep putting on 'Pyromania' and listening to it back-to-back with what we've done; you have to imagine it without the mix, but it's definitely up there to my ears."

JOE ELLIOTT leans forward in the chair, tucks a fold of his rather battered dressing gown tight against private parts and pours himself another glass of one cal Coke. This for the moment is home, and has been since the middle of August: a simple hotel room in Holland ten minutes drive from the studio complex. Originally, the band were due to play the 'Mick Wall Festival' in Rio, but they eventually decided against it on grounds of not wanting to interrupt recording. So while certain jammy so-and-so's were sunning themselves on the Copacabana sands (maaaan!!), Elliott and co, tax exiles all, were trudging across frozen lakes, wrapped up tight against temperatures of 25° below! Still, there's always next year And if nothing else, in their present position the four are conveniently cut off from all domestic distractions. Through the hotel room window I can see Dirk, Elliott's treasured Renault 12 (and centrespread star of Kerrang! 79), basking quietly in the hazy sunlight, the central motif on an idyllic pastel canvas shaded only by the distant foghorn fuming of an adrenalised Peter Mensch. Somewhere, behind closed doors, he's informing an unfortunate Halfin that a five-piece outfit close to the latter's wallet have been 'stiffing' horribly in the South, and he doesn't mean Torquay! Let's just say he's on form...

Later, on the flight back to London, having persuaded Mensch to fund my purchase of a duty free Sony Walkman in tasteful pink, I tentatively suggest that the forthcoming Leppard biography should be titled 'Me & My Whine'...

"OH, YEAH, DAAAN-TAY!!" he snaps, blood vessels popping like balloons, "AND HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO THINK THAT ONE UP???"

Back to business...

"We've always upheld the theory," theorises Joe as things quieten down, "that we don't want to put out a record every nine months. We'd much rather put out a record every two to three years that's of real good quality

"When we started this album 'Mutt' was involved; we did pre-production with him in Dublin, Ireland, which is why we've put him down again on the songwriting credits. It's an honesty thing with us. He doesn't write anything as such; the six of us just sit round a table with a piece of paper in front of us and guitars turned down really low, then whoever chucks in an idea - be it Rick or 'Sav' or me or 'Mutt' - we play with it."

"Steve, for example, will come up with an idea and 'Mutt' will say, 'Change that round', 'Use this', 'Do it in another key', ' or whatever. It just creases me up to think that there are some people out there who look at us and say, 'Ha! They can't write their own songs', which isn't true at all. And even if it was, I'd much rather be involved with an album that sold six million copies co-written with a producer than one that sold 200,000 copies that wasn't."

Surely helping with the arrangements and so on is part of a producer's job, though "Yeah, right, but it's almost as if it's some kind of crime to let your producer be involved. That's what a producer's there for - to kick you up the arse and bring out the best that you can do. We encourage 'Mutt' to be involved and we repay him by sticking his name on the songwriting credits. Who cares! It's only a bloody song anyway..."

Isn't it true, though, that a lot of producers are really just glorified engineers and can't make the extra step up to that level of involvement?

"Yes, that is true, but 'Mutt's an exception anway because the guy's a musician, he's been an engineer since he left school - he's been doing it for 17 years and he's only in his early thirties now and he's also a brilliant singer and great songwriter, so you've got everything going for you! Whereas an engineer will be able to tell you if something's out of tune, 'Mutt' can go further than that and say, 'It doesn't feel right' or 'Sing it this way, shape your mouth like this, let's alter the phrasing'. "With most engineers, if it's in tune and it's what you want then it's a take, and that's all their job is, because if it's that way round it's normally the band who are producing, the way we are with this album. I noticed in Kerrang! it implied that Nigel Green is now producing – he's not, we are. Nigel's assisting." "Actually, he's worked with us on our last two albums, though not as main engineer. Mike Shipley was always our main engineer. Nigel's as good as Mike, it's just that at the time he was involved in other projects; so when Mike took a holiday or went to the dentist Nigel would come in. We've never worked with him on a long term basis before but we do know him."

What happened with 'Mutt' Lange, though? As I understand it, he originally agreed to produce the album as well as help out on pre-production...

"Yeah. In fact, he was still going to do it last February. We started with pre-production, as you've mentioned, but it soon became obvious that 'Mutt' was in no state to see the whole thing through. The Cars' album ('Heartbeat City') nearly killed him; our last album nearly killed him, and the Foreigner record ('IV') the same. I think he's just reached the stage now where to attain certain standards you're talking about grafting for a long time."

"The way we worked on 'Pyromania', for example, we were doing 20 hour days and the guy was sleeping on the couch in the control room. You just can't do that forever, so for the sake of his health he made a wise decision not to do our album. At the time, we were panicking; we thought, 'Oh, Christ!', cos things had all been planned. It wasn't a case of us being afraid of what the album would sound like if 'Mutt' wasn't there, it was simply the availability of other producers that we were concerned about. With top people like Ted Templeman, Mike Stone or Trevor Horn, you've got to book 'em years in advance, you can't just get in touch two weeks before you want to start..."

"Actually, we did approach Templeman just to see how much he wanted, and I don't think he was too keen to do it; he put in such a ridiculous money offer that no band in the world would have accepted it! But then we really wanted somebody a bit different, anyhow. We were interested in the people I've already mentioned initially because we thought, well, these are the names that we've listened to, Bob Ezrin, y'know. But then we started to think about people like Alex Sadkin, who we found was doing the new Foreigner album ('Agent Provocateur'). Trevor Horn would have worked with us in England, but Chris Thomas (Roxy Music, Procol Harum) turned us down flat - he obviously doesn't like us. We actually tried to get Phil Collins, who was interested but tied up with the latest Clapton LP ('Behind The Sun')."

So you were looking at people outside the world of heavy rock...

"Yeah, we were looking at up and coming producers like Terry Manning, who's engineered for ZZ Top, and Steve Lillywhite, who's yet to do a hard rock album but possibly could do a good one. Some of us were interested in him, some of us weren't. I like the fullness of Simple Minds' 'Sparkle In The Rain' LP, it's brill, but sounds are really no problem for us now, we can get good sounds; the thing we always like to have is musical input, and that's where we thought Steinman would come into his own. I mean, the guy's a good songwriter and he's had a hell of a lot of success with what he does."

He worked on the last Billy Squier album, 'Signs Of Life', with Tony Platt, didn't he?

"Yeah, well, he 'navigated' it is what Squier says. We thought, OK, we'll get the sounds and let him do the producing, but it turned out that Jim wasn't really what any of us thought he would be. In fact, I wonder how he's ever got a production credit on anything - especially with Squier, the kind of ego he's got. I can't understand why he even let Steinman's name appear on his album cos we're not putting it on ours."

What was the problem with Steinman then?

"Ahh... I wouldn't be lying if I said that you could have done it as well. I mean that. The guy just sat there reading 'Country Life' all day and going, 'Yeah, yeah, that sounds good', when it plainly wasn't. He's simply not used to recording the way we record. When we said, 'Listen, this is the way we work, you'd better get used to it', he tried and he couldn't. He just could not hear if something was wrong."

Were your standards too exacting for him, do you think?

"Possibly, yeah. It sounds strange to say that, though, cos to me those standards are normal. Doing 'Pyromania' was like going to college; I've grown up listening to things a certain way. As far as I'm concerned, getting the timing, the tuning and the feel spot on is the usual way to work, but Jim Steinman for all his reputation - could not hear it."

"After a while, we just thought, well, this is silly, we're wasting our time and money and wasting his time, though we weren't too bothered about that cos he wasn't too bothered about the project. I honestly don't think he was doing it for any reason other than credibility in the States. "We'd say, 'Right, we start at 12', and he'd wander in at 3.30. We'd stay till 12 or one in the morning, then he'd go back to his hotel and start writing songs for his own future projects, and he'd be up till nine o'clock doing that. So when he finally got round to us, he'd only had five hours sleep. he wasn't there half the time. I mean, he was there in body but not in mind. We found more and more that we were doing the work, which was fine, we didn't mind doing it, we just thought, why the hell should we be giving this guy so many points and so many dollars to sit there reading 'Country Life'!"

So how much did you manage to accomplish with Steinman?

"We did about eight backing tracks and scrapped them; almost everything has been done again. And even the things that went down were our decision Steinman never overruled us on anything. If he said a certain take was good and we said it was bad, we'd do it again."

Who was actually getting the sounds at this stage?

"Us and Neil Dorfsman, Steinman's engineer. He was good, actually, cos he was doing all the work. Jim was the ears of the partnership, but the ears were plugged up, I think..."

"Y'know, it annoys me intensely when a producer walks into a control room and says, "This carpet has got to go!' Sod the desk, that's not important. An SSL desk, 150,000 quid's worth of equipment, and the carpet's got to go! He even had the carpet changed in his hotel room. The guy was living in a suite while we were happy in rooms with a fridge and a cooker. Obviously, we paid for it all..."

"And the food! He went out to the North of Holland and had a 12 course meal! Which is fine, that's his personality, but when somebody walks into a studio and says the carpet has got to go... if I'd been there I'd have decked him. Seriously. Who gives a flying s**t what the carpet looks like!"

How long did Steinman last, then?

"Oh, we dumped Jim about November, we gave him a fair chance. We thought, well, alright, we're doing the spadework, what he might consider the boring side of the album, let's see what he's like on vocals, maybe that's his strongpoint. He did tell us that he spent something like five weeks trying to get Meat Loaf to sing one line, so we thought, OK, the guy's definitely got stamina."

"But when it came to doing vocals with me, it was exactly the same situation as with the backing tracks - everything was my decision. He'd say, 'Yeah, that's good', and I'd go, 'Jim, it's f**king useless!' I'd run out of breath at the end of a line cos I wasn't quite familiar with what I was singing, and he'd say, 'It's got a bit of feel'. Isn't that pathetic?!"

"I mean, Steve and Phil wanted to get rid of him two weeks after he was here. But I just kept saying, 'Give the guy a chance, blah, blah, blah' made meself look a right arsehole. But it was only fair to let him get to the vocal stage of things."

"Anyway, when Steinman went we all sat down and asked Mensch to sort out which other producers were available. We put down everybody we thought might be good. Mike Shipley couldn't do it cos he was off co-producing the new Loverboy album, so we just suggested Nigel. We were doing a better job than Steinman, so we thought, well, what's the point getting in another producer? We send 'Mutt' the odd tape now and then and he sends it back saying, 'It sounds brilliant to me', which shows that we can do it, so we are."

Has having Phil Collen involved from the start of this album (he became a Leppard member during the recording of 'Pyromania', replacing guitarist Pete Willis) made things different in any way?

"Yeah, it means that the songwriting's changed a little; Phil's input is better than Pete's ever was. Steve will always be the major songwriter, I think, but he's really encouraged Phil a lot. He doesn't just sit down and say, 'I want to write all the songs', stuff like that. In fact, everything that Steve's written, he's written with Phil in the same room... Phil's probably involved in eight of the 10 songs on the album."

And what about 'Sav'? He writes too, doesn't he?

"Yeah, but 'Sav's weird; I can't get to grips with him sometimes. More than anyone else in this band he likes your Journeys and your Bryan Adams, occasionally even the odd Duran Duran song, yet he was the one who came up with 'Stagefright' and 'No No No'. And on this new album he's got a number called 'Ring Of Fire' - not a cover of the famous Johnny Cash song! which is an uptempo, thrash, crash, Metal job. He just never writes like the people he listens to."

Will Steve and Phil be sharing the guitar breaks on the new LP?

"Oh yeah, 50/50, right down the middle. Actually, they argue about who's gonna do 'em; not in the sense of, 'I wanna do this', but Phil's telling Steve that he should do a certain solo and Steve's saying, 'No you do it, it's more up your street'. I remember hearing stories about KK (Downing) and Glenn (Tipton) from Priest not talking to each other for four months at a time, but it's the other way round with Steve and Phil. The only thing they argue about is who's gonna buy the drinks!"

What about you, though? You play a bit of guitar...

"Badly!"

...have you written anything on the new record?

"Er... I did come up with some stuff but I don't think it got used. I wrote little bits on the last album, but my main worry is obviously melodies, lyrics and vocals."

"Sometimes, though, we'll have a vocal line and work the backing around that. We've got this one new song, 'Armageddon It', which is Piltdown, just two chords all the way through; it's based around a tongue-in-cheek vocal thing."

Is it a 'Rock Of Ages' type number?

"I suppose it is a bit, yeah. The vocals come out from all over the place once it gets going. It's just a totally stupid lyric... like 'Rock Of Ages', just a piss-take of ourselves, though not mocking the fans in any way."

"And then there's 'Ring Of Fire', which I've already mentioned. It's actually about an Indian meal, the day after, but nobody would ever know that... well, they will now!"

When you're writing lyrics, do you ever think about how the song will work live?

"Not really, no. Obviously, a number like 'Rock Till You Drop' is a stage song, and the same with 'Stagefright', but I've never consciously sat down and thought, well, I'd better come up with two songs about 'Rock This Place To The Ground', or whatever, and one meaningful one about Vietnam, and another about a vigilante in New York. They just turn out that way. You do it in moods. I was probably watching something about Vietnam on TV and 'Die Hard The Hunter' (from the 'Pyromania' LP) came out, and I'd probably been to see 'Deathwish' when I wrote 'Billy's Got A Gun' (also on 'Pyromania'). I can't remember, I just do it."

"I actually wrote 'Photograph' (ditto) while I was sitting on the bog. I was stuck for a chorus and I had a picture of Marilyn Monroe staring me in the face... Bob's your uncle!"

When you made the decision to go for something extra with the 'Pyromania' album, were you confident that you could pull it off?

"We were confident, yeah, very confident, because 'Mutt' was producing. We just had so much faith in the guy and in return he had total confidence in what we were doing. We didn't see how we could go wrong, though Mensch was tearing his hair out when we were nearly a million pounds in debt and the record company were drumming their fingers waiting. I think we had to sell 1.2 million copies of 'Pyromania' to break even, we were in a real big mess..."

"I mean, I nearly had a nervous breakdown, I just couldn't handle it. I was going through so much crap towards the end - do it again, do it again... I got what a lot of singers get, 'Lastitis', which comes from the pressure of finishing. We went through a lot of hell on that record..."

Including, of course, the slightly wobbly exit of young Mr Willis...

"Yeah, but in all honesty I think that did us more good than anything. The thing is, you sometimes take situations for granted and then all of a sudden something like that happens and it's like, wow, it's different, there's only four of us, he's gone, really gone. I mean, Phil joined the day after, but then he almost joined back in '81."

"I tried to get him cos we were having trouble with Willis in America. I rang Phil up and said, 'Can you learn 16 songs in two days?' He said, 'I'll try', but that was just totally out of desperation, there's no way he could have done it. However, when Pete started to act in the studio like he did on tour, which was making Keith Moon look like a bloody vicar, it was time for him to go."

Why doesn't he get some help?

"Well, I think he's beyond help, to tell the truth. He doesn't even realise he needs it, he doesn't accept he's got a problem, though the guy's been in hospital twice as a result of drink and drugs. He had a collapsed liver or something, and epileptic fits, God knows what."

That hasn't happened to the rest of you, though, and you're all the same age, you've all worked your way up together...

"No, it's just him. Pete's always had something to prove, y'see, probably because he's a midget. The guy thought he was 10 feet tall when he was pissed and he'd be taking on people as big as you it didn't work. He was like a gigantic ball and chain around our ankles..."

THE LATEST whisper on Willis is that he's currently swanning around the environs of Sheffield, complete with Rolls Royce and minder, recounting tales of some hush-hush supergroup he might be throwing in his frets with. Elliott finds it hard to take the whole thing seriously, and I think it's fair to say that the recording of album number four is proceeding all the smoother for the wee man's absence.

Already, a number of lead vocals are complete, and the band (employing two studios simultaneously) are steadily piecing together their ten new songs, ready to convince a waiting world that Life After 'Pyromania' does exist.

So what's on the boil? Well, in no particular order, there's 'Armageddon It' and 'Ring Of Fire', already mentioned, 'Excitable', 'Gods Of War', 'Fractured Love', 'Don't Shoot The Shotgun' (Stonesy, I'm assured), 'Animal', 'Love Bites' (a ballad), 'Run Riot' and the enticingly handled 'Women', all proudly produced by the Leppard members themselves, who, without the invaluable 'Mutt' Marten to administer the prods, are taking great and serious pleasure in booting each other up the bum! "Actually, I never envisaged us producing ourselves," admits Joe, "I thought it might be the one thing that would lead to us falling out. It's always been dead important to us that Leppard is a friends situation; we want to keep the element of why we started. Five mates who can still go into the same bar and look each other in the face after seven years. Happily, that's the way it's remained, and producing ourselves is working really well..."

The new album, which now looks set to be mixed by Lange in the UK, an added bonus, should be available by August, after which the band plan to tear up the tarmac on a world tour of, well... y'know. The idea, it seems, is to blow away the studio cobwebs with about eight shows in Ireland, some in smaller places, then steer a course for the UK, perhaps for a September stint (the British dates have already been put back four times!) of 20 or so gigs. A headline appearance at Wembley Arena isn't too far off for the boys, according to Queen's Brian May, a staunch Leppard supporter, but this time around I reckon they'll settle for something a little more cosy.

Next tour, though Europe too seems odds on to cop a visit, particularly as 'Pyromania' has now shifted over 100,000 copies in France and is making a late burst for the tape in Scandinavia as well. Business in Germany, however, remains a little slow, and as for Holland... well, now we're talking about a massive 639 units shifted. Still, at least it means the band don't have to worry about being recognised. Def what?!

By December Leppard should be into America, after which it's likely they'll travel to Japan, though probably not Australia, that stage of the tour having lost them around 60 grand last Feb. Indeed, all in all, their schedule will be less arduous than last time, including more days off to recover and recharge. The band should certainly feel healthier as a result, but then with the Rick Allen episode having shocked the Leppard camp into a highly body-conscious state, that's the way things are heading anyway "I don't want to waste away and vegetate," explains Joe. "I'm 25, I'm supposed to be at the peak of my fitness; I'm supposed to be Glenn Hoddle but I wasn't. I'd run a mile and be out of breath. Now I can run a six minute mile, no trouble, and I do half an hour's worth of exercises every day. 'Sav', Phil and myself all go jogging too - we take less for granted now than we did before..."

[blitz0hno]

Why I'm Voting Inno Mikoto even tho He Definitely Did It

or should I say DID i-*🏏smacked*

TL;DR like many I do not believe a word John says, but I also don't think he has the entire truth. Meanwhile Mikoto's amnesia is near undoubtable. With two unreliable narrators and solid evidence of self-defense, I think we need more before declaring him guilty.

I'm here to be Mikoto's lawyer cuz John ily but you suck at it 😭

Now onto why I'm voting Inno:

Mikoto isn't lying when he says he doesn't remember murdering those people, at least not entirely. The memory is in his subconscious, but he can't even remember the faces of his victims because they were both so out of it.

I believe what we see in MeMe is safe to assume to be his first. The first mannequin smashed onscreen is this one:

That looks like a damn FNAF jumpscare lmao this tells me that his baseball hobby probably saved him from getting jumped at that train station, but it came at a heavy price.

That's where John comes in. To handle the feelings that undoubtedly came with taking a life and having to hide the evidence.

Generally in DID alter's memories fall into one of 3 categories (my observations of myself and other systems):

That event happened. These are all the details. I feel nothing about it.

That event happened and I remember everything I felt like it was seconds ago, but I couldn't tell you specifics

That event happened??

The latter two can safely be assigned to John and Bokukoto. The first one is what we're missing.

I saw someone point out how the train could symbolize that he can never go back (credit urself in the tags if u see this it was a good one) to before he killed.

That brings me to our final scene.

Remember how John split to handle the feelings of that stressor? The feeling of unsafety, pure adrenaline, and righteous anger at the attacker is a horrific thing, but once you experience it you change. In order for an alter to handle the reality of something, it must be accepted somehow. John's way of accepting it is not remembering their faces, only his expressions and actions. That's probably why he's so aggressive; constant fight-or-flight mode.

Mikoto (Bokukoto), like with whatever happened to him in early childhood to cause DID, is unable to accept these realities because doing so would shatter his world (it turns out constant fight-or-flight isn't great for your social life).

So about John's statement that he didn't know any of the victims even though he totally did, at least a little;

John is reading the room and there it is: unsafety, pure adrenaline, and righteous anger at the attacker. That's all he needs to feel to know that it's time to protect Mikoto.

That's not the face and mannerisms of a man who bashes skulls in for kicks. This shit was personal.

I can't tell if it's one or two victims in the second clip here, but I strongly believe they had something to do with his work. His subconscious is really harping on how much his boss got on him and how stressed it made him. Something happened that pushed them over the edge. You don't call your mom after you kill for fun (or maybe you do idk). You call your mom when you know you're fucked.

John initiated the second killing but I don't think he was the only one making a conscious decision. That said, I don't have enough details to condemn Mikoto to another unforgiven verdict.

So, where will we find that info? Well remember RGB Mikoto/Trikoto theory (kudos to whoever coined those too)? Well when I broke down the compartmentalization earlier I hinted that there's a strong chance that SOMEONE remembers every detail, but feels nothing and lays dormant.

Good old green Mikoto, the only one we haven't seen speak yet the one who's given us the most detail so far (via MeMe).

Even if not and Bokukoto remembers more than he's letting on/gets in contact with John, the crime itself isn't unforgivable beyond a shadow of a doubt yet even with multiple victims. His reasons are still cloudy.

Also I like him

[onehundredandeleventropicalfish]

so in most ways, the game in hell in 1x04 is (at least in my opinion), a vast improvement on the comics, it adds so much extra drama and interesting character moments and it looks so much cooler and i love it

(also, for context, dream played against choronzon in the comics, not lucifer, which is another point in the show's favour, that was way more interesting)

but the downside of seeing it in tv form, is we don't get dream's inner monologue during it

and there's two moments specifically that stand out to me

one is this elaboration of the rules

and then the second is this, in between the butcher bacterium move and i am a world

and i wish we'd gotten that in some way, because it says so much about dream

because like. he knows, going into hell, that he lacks the strength to properly fight anyone. he puts on a brave face with it, but even when faced with the prospect of fighting choronzon, let alone lucifer, we get this bit of inner monologue

and he certainly makes his best attempt. but even if he was at full strength, lucifer making the first move set the battle as a test of violence. and dream may be the king of nightmares, he's no stranger to violence, but against lucifer? against the being that has personally overseen every kind of violence since very near the dawn of time?

and lucifer isn't playing fair, either. dream plays moves of strength, of physical might, he is a hunter, he is a bird of prey - cunning and clever predators, to be sure, both are creatures of precision rather than brute force, but they are honest and straightforward in their intentions. lucifer plays the serpent that you don't notice until it's too late, with a venom that will kill you in a single bite, plays an enemy too small to see but that will eat away at your flesh and render you incapable of even trying again. and dream could keep bringing bigger and bigger enemies, but everything has a weakness, and lucifer is oh so practiced at finding it

if he keeps playing to lucifer's strengths, trying to win this fight with violence, he's gonna be on the back foot the whole way, fighting to keep up, and eventually that won't be enough

however, as dream says, being physically unable to make your next move is only one way to lose the game. you also lose if you're too scared to keep going, or if you can't think of a counter quick enough. he doesn't have to play to lucifer's strengths, of killing your opponent, he can play to his own.

i think i will abandon the offensive.

and dream, for all he struggles with his own depression, and often needs reminding to hope for his own future, he is still made of dreams. he believes in people, and their hopes for a better world. we see that in his speech to john dee in episode 5, dreams aren't about lies, they're about potential. imagination, creativity, kindness, hope. the endless are all keepers of their opposite as well as their aspect, and in the same way death has power over life, dreams have power over reality. if you can imagine your better world, you can make it.

even nightmares are only temporary, but hell is eternal. lucifer could imagine a hundred thousand better ways to be violent than he could. but they can't use that to counter warmth and kindness and hope, because if violence could truly kill dreams, it would have.

and that turns the entire game around. suddenly lucifer's on the back foot, because it's not a test of strength anymore. a planet isn't going up against anyone in a cage match, a planet is here to support life. all dream has to do to win is survive, while lucifer has to come up with greater and greater, impossibly enormous threats, just to keep playing. even when lucifer's sure they won, they don't ask "what could destroy the anti-life", they ask what could survive it

and the truth intrinsic to dream's being is that in the end, hope will survive anything

[devorafetos]

cast us and our fandom friends in hamilton like as the characters iykwim?

like who is most like who or gives the vibes ykyk

had to think this a lot that's why it took me so much to answer

So I think I have the Hamilton vibe. Like completely insane traumatized writer with a coffee addiction? that's me. also he's incredibly easy to write, personally, so that's kind of an indicator of similarity, at least I think so

Ash called King George, so alright he's him, but if he wasn't I would've put Anon as KG and Ash as Lafayette or Laurens because of the unhinged energy. If I wasn't Hamilton already I would've considered him for it, bc I also based some of my modern one-shot dialogues with ham on real conversations I've had with ash

Vanessa... before I start singing The Club, I'm gonna say she's Jefferson, the sassy version. Flawless. Could kill you, bold, but also wears fucking floor length fuchsia gowns and 100% listens to nessa barrett. Also like bffr Vanessa would have a goat which kills little boys and a mockingbird called Dick

Baby bee is Lafayette/Laurens, the one ash isn't. Why, same unhinged energy, probably braids their hair for fun, has a deadly spider as a pet (bbb has one but Lafayette and laurens didn't, Lafayette had an alligator he then regifted to John Quincy Adams bc he was like what the fuck do I do with is, and giving a spare alligator to the president is something I can totally see them doing)

Lylli (you probably don't know her as much, but she's an angel) gives like some heather McNamara energy and I think the character in Hamilton who is most similar to heather McNamara is Madison. Wrong side, but is a fucking cinnamon roll. Could kill you if necessary and has the kind of madness to do something stupid like buy prostitutes on accident (Madison) or eat someone as a joke (lilli) /j

Summer's mulligan. Underrated as fuck, iconic, the kind of friend who asks about you and then traumadumps once a month and you're like "how the fuck are you alive." Like that energy. Also mulligan was the only one of the hamilsquad to not cheat on his wife and I firmly believe summer would be the same.

Anon. Oh, anon. With K. George not being available, I'll probably have to assign him to Washington. But like the middle-of-the-war-historical-washington, not the one who had slaves. Like he'd totally adopt his aide-de-camps and tell someone "come here but be slow bc you're so fat if you run you're gonna turn the fucking boat around." /joke

And about the Schuyler sisters? well, who else than you, Bea, Ari and Veil? I'm not sure which would be each, tho, so let me explain myself.

Ari couldn't be Eliza, they don't have the same hopeless romantic energy you and Veil do have. So now she'd be either Angelica or Peggy. Angelica, as we know, is smart, a feminist, and also the middle point between super-romantic Eliza and probably-aroace Peggy. I think Ari is Angelica.

Bea, you're Eliza, kind of influenced by the fact she's your pfp, but also because she was artistic (she liked drawing), a good musician (she played the piano), a cinnamon roll, but she could also be a menace when she wanted to. Like, when she fucking dragged Monroe. Iconic.

Which leaves us with Veil as Peggy. And no, she's not "and Peggy," I've been reading (common sense by Thomas Paine) Hamilton and Peggy! by L. M. Elliott and let me tell you Peggy was not only a cinnamon roll like Eliza but she was also a feminist, smart and quick-witted girl as Angelica. She combines the best characteristics of the two in her own style. She was not as naive as Eliza or as impulsive as Angelica but she kept her own head up high

I'm behind on my writing schedule (I'm not, actually) but I want to write so I'm gonna cut it here and if I should do more people from our friendgroup tell me

[bending-sickle]

Fuck, marry, kill

Dean, Castiel, Crowley

Also, your Crowley headcannons! I need more Crowley in my life

*softly* you're killing me, smalls

well i can't kill dean because he's unkillable (or extremely killable but for a limited time only) and i do not want to suffer the consequences.

...or do i?

okay look.

marry crowley. paperwork means something with him, which means i can get it in writing that i won't be [Insert Endless List of Horrible Fates]. plus, fucking all day every day in new and exciting ways. and not to play light of possession but imagine the possibilities. so many different suits to experiment with.

now with the other two it's more a question of "who would i rather hunt me down with single-minded revenge for killing their babe".

i mean, it should be that, but i'm getting distracted by who would be a better one-night-stand and i gotta say, dean wins that competition.

so we're killing cas, i guess, and hopefully i make it out alive once dean figures out what's happened. (or, oh god, sam.)

as for crowley headcanons:

the torture move that finally snapped his soul into demonhood was his jaw getting ripped right off. he doesn't like to think about. (he thinks about it.)

absolutely rampant but sublimated Hell Torture ptsd

because of this, he'll fuck any way there is left to fuck except any way that feels too close to being tied down to the rack in hell. not keen on being the bottom, not happy being underneath, and i think he'd rather swim through a thrice-blessed olympic swimming pool than be tied up.

which leads us to: control. he wants it. if he can't have it, then at least he doesn't want surprises, which works well, because he's good at reading people.

his coat: secret security blanket.

do not believe a single thing that comes out of his mouth when it comes to him, personally. i don't understand why the wiki fandom takes his offhand comments as gospel, like when he said he had dr phil on speed-dial, or had "athletic calves", or has been drinking Craig whiskey since gradeschool* as if a bastard, motherless boy abandoned to the workhouse would be in school.** he likes to play loose, to make quips, and to spout bullshit because it's fun.

and a forced headcanon because the show just fucking decided to make him scottish after he'd been on screen for over a season is that his english accent is deliberately put-upon because [Insert the entire history of England's oppression of Scotland and also the prejudice of local accents vs. Received Pronunciation english]. which also means, in my headcanon, he talks to his mother in his original scottish accent every time he loses a grip of his "I Am Crowley, King of Hell" persona. especially in the face of her own accent. because lots of people who have a Public Accent and a Home Accent shift like that, especially with family (e.g. john barrowman, american accent to most, scottish at home. watch him explain it - and accent switch - here) and it just makes sense, y'know? and when he's Seriously Going Through It, he'll slip back into it. (unlike, for some bizarre reason - and tell me it's not just me - the weird american accent creeping in during his "i deserve to be loved" scene. like, mark, wtf.)

okay i'll stop now.

* some people even tried to use this info as a basic for tracking down said whiskey which...doesn't exist

** which is not to say there weren't schools (which would be dominie since there was no parish) in canisbay in the mid 1600s but...my dude was not going to school and drinking whiskey. he was starving at a workhouse trying to rub two pennies together.

(can you tell i've been researching for a fic?)

[godspeedmajortom]

Miscellaneous Malevolent musings now that I've caught up with the podcast releases...

Loved the "Dunwich Horror" vibes in season 3

Seasons 2 and 3 worked better for me than Season 1, I think because the shape of the arc and the overall goal was clearer

Could do without the amazement at "ruins older than this country," though. America is such a recent creation, and there were people here well before it. Ancient structures should not be inconceivable. Not that I want to go in the HPL direction of native peoples being corrupted by eldritch gods, more that it's ignorant to assume there was nothing here before the colonists. There are better ways to marvel at the impossibility of a place, like the scale of the structure or an unnatural texture or shine or echo or non-local stone (like obsidian in New England lol).

Not sure if this has been confirmed or refuted anywhere, but I headcanon that Arthur wrote the “Some Would Call It Madness” song

Arthur, John is not your conscience. He has no authority to tell you whether you're a good man. He's still learning what "good" means. He's a friend who can provide a second opinion at best. I know you're lonely and you want reassurance, but he does not have the human frame of reference to give you a valid answer. Sorry, dude.

On that note, Arthur seems to have two categories for beings: person and monster. Monsters are evil and should be punished, people deserve respect and can grow from their mistakes. I don’t think he has a clear philosophy yet for what distinguishes them, beyond his gut feelings or rationalizations for his actions (see: cultists are irredeemable and deserve what's coming to them, certainly not people who maybe made a bad choice, got in over their heads, and could use a second chance). Like, John is right that he and Yellow are fundamentally the same, however much Arthur wants John to be in the Good and person-like category. The main difference is that Arthur trauma bonded with one and came to like him, then expected the other to replace him immediately under different circumstances and was disappointed when he didn't. I'm not sure where Arthur puts himself on the person-monster scale. I mean, he considers himself a person, and he typically thinks he's in the right. But he toes the line with cruelty sometimes in a way that does concern him, and he still has so much guilt and shame about Faroe. He's complicated, that's the point of the story. I can see him going full "he who fights monsters," or embracing mercy and forgiveness as human virtues.

Arthur giving the cana water in the prison pits takes on a new light after hearing the whole "I am the captain of my ship" poem and hearing what happened to Faust

Petulant child John is still the best. He is especially childlike in Ep29. The movies! The handkerchief! He has so much ambition and so little agency.

On the other side of the John coin, I'm very curious about how John actually killed Emily and Parker, especially given his limited power on Earth. I imagine it's something that can occur in the ritual of opening his book. The details will surely be revealed at the least opportune moment.

Speaking of coins: Kayne, you sick fuck, I love you, what are you, what the hell game are you playing. He clearly has more direct influence on Earth than the King in Yellow, and he has some kind of influence in the Dreamlands/with the King to return John to Arthur. Presumably, he needs both John and Yellow, maybe also Arthur, for whatever he’s planning. Or maybe he just wants to be entertained by Arthur inevitably blowing up at John for lying to him and betraying his trust again. Fun times for everyone!

[danidoesathing]

I saw ur tags on that movie post this is a formal invitation to tell me how youre the only one who understands john wick <- has never seen the movies and only knows the dog memes

First off you should absolutely watch these movies. and second:

I will stand by this that the John Wick series is one of the greatest film series out there no joke. It's because the movie doesn't try to just be a solely action movie, it's so much more. The amount of love and detail that goes into these movies is actually insane.

For one? John Wick as a character. These films would not work as well if John wasn't characterized as he was. Yes, he's a skill near unbeatable assassin feared by all whose heard his name (at least those with half a braincell). But you know how he's introduced? he's a grieving widow trying to find the motivation to continue on in life without his wife. The movie spends so much time in the beginning just on him being...normal? they make him feel so damn human despite also feeling like an unstoppable force of nature. He cried over his wife's note and keeps his wife's bracelet (and later the dog's collar) on his nightstand. He brings his dog to his job and lets her climb in the bed with him. There's a moment in the beginning of the first movie where he wakes and looks over to the rest of the bed only to see it's empty. there's not a lot of emphasis on it and it's a very small action but it's still there and it still hurts. They build on that connection so you're always rooting for him, but it never feels cheap. They could have done the "this person murdered my wife so im getting revenge", but they didnt. Instead they had them kill the puppy – his wife's last gift to him and something that was starting to bring light back into his life – and that makes it feel fucking personal.

And they keep that humanization of John going throughout the movies too!! He's always kept as reserved, respectful and polite even to people trying to kill him, but he has no issue with cracking a few jokes. He's got some genuine friendships with various characters throughout the series. He loves dogs to the point of risking his life to shoot a man trying to killing one. He gets his ass kicked constantly!!! In the last movie alone he gets hit with like seven cars!!! he feels unstoppable but god he feels so human too. There's so much more but im here to talk about the whole movies not just him.

And then there's the world building. holy SHIT the world building. Yes it seems like an alternate reality at first but there's so much more. The High Table, the Continental, the Houses, the big and small groups of assassins all with their own styles and skillsets, the multilayered politics underneath all that- there's so much and it's all crafted with such care and attention to detail that it feels so grand. A thing the movie does is introduce a character or two key to the story of the one movie that does not appear in the others, whether or not they die. Nobody, Aurelio, Marcus, Caine, Sofia, Koji and his daughter Akira, etc etc. I like this a lot because it makes the world feel so much bigger than just John. They have their own stories they're the main character of and exist outside of John's story.

And the choreography....the fight scenes.....oh my god. Anyone who says gun fights can only be boring has never seen these movies. There's that one clip going around of John reloading the gun in a particular way that would stop it from jamming. Like the attention to detail??? insane. They're always moving and the camera keeps things interesting. Fuck, half the time if John runs out of bullets he will chuck that empty gun at the person!! thats so funny but its also weirdly tactical. There's always variety in the fight scenes. Everything is a weapon. Everything. The guns, the swords, nunchucks he found on the floor, the cars, 1920s pistol kept for display, the fire axe, that guy's cane, this rope, the library book, motion-detecting doorbells, that horse over there, the pencil that John has 5 confirmed kills with, like EVERYTHING can and is a weapon. (They also add more character to John in this aspect too! He is skilled in all forms of combat but noticeably does better with a weapon.)

AND THE LOCATIONS FOR THE FIGHT SCENES!!! It's always something super cool and interesting. The nightclubs are a staple obviously, every movie has got some scene in a neon nightclub and its ALWAYS sick as hell. But there's Continental and its very aesthetic rooms, that museum room in 3, the japanese Continental's garden fight scene, a warehouse, a church, underground tunnels, a busy French road, that staircase at the end 4, the subway, that sick ass art exhibit in 2...like there's a LOT and it always looks sexy as hell.

then finally...the themes. Grief, for one, is something that haunts the plot throughout the series as the whole thing was started off by someone pissing off an already grieving John. There's the complicated bonds of loyalty, friendship, honor, and what one is how much of their values they're willing to sacrifice for what they want/what they love which is specifically touched upon with William dofoe's character 1 and the blind man and Nobody in 4. Legacy and what your life will mean after you death is another. Then there's just...death itself? A lot of the story (in the later movies esp) there's the idea that there's no real way for John's story to end in anything other than more bloodshed. If he kills the big bad of the movie, there's just gonna be another one to pop up right after and it's just going to lead to more bodies piling up. He's heading straight down the road towards death and there's no other way for it to end. How else does a story of revenge end, but in death? It's this thing that weighs heavy over John and the rest of the characters as the series goes on and it's just....UGH these movies are so good.

Anyway watch this movies they're very good

[eloquentgifs]

I'm going to say things bc that's how I cope.

As a person who thinks that if you're going to do something you should do it right, I can't help it, it bothered me how sloppy this season felt. Of course I fully blame HBO and their cheapness, but it stills bothers me. Not only we got two episodes less than s1, but the 8 we got were shorter, and you can tell. I also blame the budget cuts for the constant yet unnecessary flashbacks, and the weird editing, and the anticlimatic pace. In any case, I want to highlight the things I did like, because I fucking love this show and Im sure that after a rewatch or two I'll be less angry, so let's stay positive:

Since it seems they were having trouble to get the complete cast together in one plot, I do love they kinda let them have their spotlight one by one. Like, Frenchie in the first episodes, Wee John as Calypso, Lucius with his PTSD in ep5... It's not the same as s1, but it's something.

I've seen people complaining about this, but Im happy they didnt invest too much time on the forgiving process. I like it better when everyone gets along fine, and in the end they're pirates and they never seemed to be the kind of people who hold grudges, so yeah lets skip to the nice part.

I did like a lot what they did with Izzy. I don't care if it happened too quick or what, I used to feel indiference towards him and this season I actually enjoy his scenes a lot. I still dont know how I feel about his death tho. It bothered me a little that the whole scene was more about Ed than Izzy himself, but in the end I always saw Izzy as a narrative tool in Ed's arc more than as a character of his own, so I guess it makes sense.

Super happy with the music choices, and also the new outfits.

Really, the first five episodes were absolutely brilliant.

It made me so happy they got Bronson Pinchot as Ned Low.

Huge fan of Zheng Yi Sao and Auntie.

Im so fucking furious at Taika Waititi for his pro-Israel shit that seeing Pop Pop attacking him gave me some sort of inner peace.

Now, things I wished had been done differently: - There were a lot of paralelisms with s1, which is good, but I'd like they brought back more actual elements of s1 into play. Like, the lighthouse painting, the secret wardrobe, the pink robe, a third Badmington (he would have work better as big bad than this prince ricky guy I dont really care about?). Frenchie singing again. This oneis a reach, but I would love to have Mary Bonnet back. And I was really hoping they play with the fact that Stede is "dead". The guy doesnt even mention the Master Fuckery from ep10.

-On that note, I was a little dissapointed on Jim's arc. I was never that invested on them or their plot in s1, but it feels weird how this season it seems like none of that even happened. Even Jim felt like a different character. I feel it would worked better if some of the conflict was related to Siete Gallos stuff, so at least it would feel all of that subplot wasnt a waste of time.

-Little missing opportunities of making me happy: Anne Bonny and Mary Read mentioning Jack (to insult him, mostly); they kissing when the house is on fire; Ed finding not just one letter but the whole pile of them; a better narrative use for Seagull Buttons (well, any narrative use, really); developing the bombclocks thing in a way where Auntie was not deprived of her superhuman detective skills; having Ned Low as bigger villain, with several appearances.

-The general development of Ed/Stede in the final episode... It's just confusing to me. My reading of Stede's mind state was that he was on autopilot since he killed Ned Low, and being abandoned by Ed and having his ass kicked by Zheng would wake him up a little, but this episode he's still in PROBLEM SOLVER mode, zero regrets about anything, still hasn't talked anything through EVER, he's just fine. With Ed I dont even ask for coherence bc he's always been a wtf guy, but I dont understand the "just do whatever you're good at" thing in the beginning of the episode, and he claiming back his leathers and his pirate-self and going on berserker mode and fighting along Stede as equals and blablabla if at the end he's still chosing to be a fucking innkeeper. Also, having a shitty inn in the middle of nowhere sounds too close to the antique shop in ep4, didn't they learn ANYTHING from Mary and Anne? I mean, the innkeeping was a predictible outcome, but the setting up of the episode was really aiming to the opposite, so it feels weird to me. In any case, I'm happy they're together and if being absolutely on their own in the loneliest house in the world doesn't get them to improve their communication, idk what else they could do.

-Still think they should have been lighthouse keepers instead.

-Next season Im totally muting every OFMD tag as soon as they announce the trailer release, because the promo and bts content was absolutely TOO MUCH. Those fuckers had been showing us stuff from the very climax of the fucking last episode since weeks before the season aired. I get it's a me problem, but I do believe it ruined my experience a lot, so fuck that.

And well. That's it. Good season, could have been great. Im happy but sad. Let's just hope that, if there's a season 3, they gave them more money and time to do it properly.

And before I post this and run away from tumblr, Im checking out how much of my wishlist had been fulfilled: - LUCIUS IS ALIVE - Stede Bonnet, berserker era [Not as I imagined, but hey] - The Queen Anne’s Revenge, either being captured or coming back as the ship Ed left behind when he went to The Revenge - The Blockade of Charleston (and make really absurd) [Still might happen in the future?] - Anne Bonny and Mary Read(as middle aged women who kinda mirror Ed and Stede, but they did it right) - Since he was already mentioned in s1, it would make sense introducing Hornigold, maybe as a new antagonist or something. - A rip off of that wwdits episode with the Vampire Council, except this time is the Pirate Council and its members are pirates from other movies and shows [I was really dreaming big here] - On that note, a really weird episode with every person who has played Blackbeard in recent years [Fully tripping] - More women and more asian characters. And more people speaking their mother tongues [So many Chinese gals, not one chinese word :(] - Ed finding out about Stede’s death and believing it [It did happened but not how/when we thought] - Ed meeting Mary and getting along [Never losing hope on this one] - Frenchie adopting a cat (and singing a song about it). - More info about everyone’s pasts. - I would LOVE having Bartholomew Roberts in the show. [YES PLEASE]

[slashingdisneypasta]

i was WAITING! for you to make a "Would you rather?" of the Disney villains jsjajs i leave my answers, wanna know what would you choose??

Level A=

1 UF I'm not too sure because I'm getting interested in Jafar lately, but both of them could give good advice, but I'll go with Yzma.

2 The poison Apple just because I don't really like sharp things like needles, and just fall for it thinking is just a normal apple with something on top xd

3 Definitely Hades hahaha, I'd rather spend time with him and his sarcasm than Frollo's attitudes or arguments

4 I'd go for the favour I guess, I don't know what it would be, but a debt ugghhh.

5 I was going to say with Shere Khan until I saw it said as a human, I guess I'd be a bit better off with Scar, just in case.

6 Totally Lock, Shock and Barrel, even if they are troublemakers, I could take care of them better than Brutus and Nero.

Level B=

1 I know I'd lose completely to Shere Khan, and maybe I can escape from Kaa, I hope.

2 UGHH And yoou have to put them together! Jasjajs i'm going with Frollo in this one, i don't think i can't deal with Gaston

3 With Cruella of course!!! I'd like to be part of the fashion! And I'll see what happens in the future, although I don't think she would let me work with her too much if I show her how I hate what she do with animals

4 I love John Silver, so I'm sure I'll be with him, plus the good humour and advice he'll give me!

5 Although I know that Hook and Smee would be one of the few gentlemen and their crew that would move me around like a plaything, rather than the Shan Yu army and less the toon patrol

6 I mean, c'mon, Dr. Facilier for suuuure, no need to think about it with me jsjajajsja although if I find him in the middle of the night trying to get in I'd be super scared, and hopefully his gifts mean well xD.

7 It's hard for me to choose between the two of them because they have their things, but I'd choose Clayton, he has his ways of winning people over for sure.

OH!!! I ❤️ YOUR BLOG! And thank you so much for asking my answers! ^^ They're under the cut if you wanna read them ^^ Also- loving how colourful your answers are! ^^

I'm so glad to hear you're becoming more interested in Jafar!! I love him so much- if you ever wanna chat about him (Or any other Disney Villain), my asks are open! Great answer though- Yzma's far less creepy to have around XD 😅

3. Same!!

4. 'a debt ugghhh'- oh, exactly XD

~

I believe in you! Its worth a try, anyway!

Yes, I had to XDD Good answer, though!

Hmmm, she can just send you to do paperwork or get her coffee. Its alright, you still have a job XD

5. A plaything, huh? Oh dear 😅😅😅

7. Oh for sure- like @disney-android-foundation said, he's got that accent~ XD Haha

Thank you so much for sending in your answers!! They're great! ^^ Have a wonderful day ^^

Level A:

*sigh*... this is one of those situations where my heart overthrows my head 😅 I have to go with Jafar, he's my absolute favourite! And, @marinerainbow - Its okay, he wont marry my kid. The only one he's marrying around here is me XD

Cursed spindle ^^ Needles don't bother me and it reads a lot more better on stone that I was killed by an evil fairies curse then food poisoning.

Hades!! Like you said, he would be a lot better to spend time with then Frollo XDD

Same as everyone else, I'm going with the favour XD And I don't mind what is... like at all... (... now I am being dirty, sorry not sorry really 😅)

... ... Scar. At least his fur looks soft and I can pet it while he chews on me me-

Brutus and Nero!! I love them!! They just seemed kind of gentle with Penny, despite being vicious crocs! And they had personality despite not talking! And I just love crocs- the bigger and fatter the better.

Leven B:

Kaa. Even if he does catch me, I'll be hypnotised when he eats me- so it probably wont hurt. I'll just be sleeping. With Shere Khan, though... it'd hurt a lot.

Gastonnnnnnnnnn. Because at least he's hot.

Cruella as well! I love her, and I'm kinda claustrophobic so going down into sink holes for a living is not an option for me.

I'll take the pirates ^^ I wanna hang with Silver!

The Toon Patrol! Maybe if I act tough enough, but not out-right rude, and not rebuff Greasy's advances too much... he'll wanna keep me and Smartass'll let me be part of the group??? 😅😅😅 MAYBE.

I think it would be really fucked up and kinda interesting, having Gothel as your stalker/secret admirer, so I'm going with her. Also she's SO PRETTY.

Rourke ^^

[izzy-b-hands]

dethklok and the revenge (band version aksjdkr) and flight of the conchords at a very weird music festival?

Yeah, why not?

Mostly stede/charles focused, and stede just sees murray and is that 'who is that other dog, where did he come from' drawn meme (guess what image references i spent ages searching for here with no success lmao)

mention of a past ship, Charles/maybe Murray? (of course it is. he has his Types. His gender is Businessman; he's so predictable it's Painful)

it should be about the music, and it is, but also charles who the FUCK is this joker and WHY is he here, and-

---

"He looks just like me!" Stede hisses under his breath. "I hate that! How is that possible?"

"How did more than one hairdresser agree to reenact an 18th century haircut for two separate men who don't even know each other?" Wee John shrugs. "We'll never know."

"This is a perfectly nice cut!"

"It is! However-"

Stede hustles off before John can continue, in search of-

"Festival treating you well?"

Charles seems...well. Like Charles, he's not much for showing if he's overly happy or sad or anything, especially during work (and when doesn't he consider himself as working is the terrifying question.)

"It was until that copycat showed up," Stede gestures to the man, seemingly following him.

"Murray's a good manager," Charles says. "Did he say something, or-"

"His hair!"

"Oh. Oh! Oh, I see. Well...neither of you are onstage at least, and it isn't as if I don't look near exactly like every other more corporate type back here too-"

"I want him killed."

"It's an all levels of fame or lack thereof music festival," Charles continues. "You know me, I love having people killed, but isn't that a bit extreme?"

"You're just hesitating because you know him!"

"Murray, and his band, are harmless. Leave them be."

"Is that why you're attracted to me? Because I remind you of...eugh."

"That is not why I'm attracted to you," Charles sighs. "...I did notice the similarities the first night in bed together, but-"

"What other similarities do we even have?!"

"Oh god."

"Charles!"

"Wow!"

They turn from each other, and there he is. Of course.

"Sorry to interrupt, but the rest of us are doing some networking," Murray smiles. "Mel, have you got-"

"Free pin, free t-shirt, free link to the gofundme printed on the back of the pin so the band can keep paying rent!" she declares as she bounces by and drops merch into Charles and Stede's arms. "Have an okay show!"

"An okay show?" Charles asks, brow raised.

"Her sort of good luck thing for the Conchords," Murray chuckles. "If everyone else just has an okay show, then our boys might have a very good one!"

"Talent plays a bigger role than luck," Stede says.

"Indeed it does, but you don't need to be a dick about it," Murray replies without missing a beat. "Charles, how's Murderface doing? We saw some story in the news; what exactly did he do to that El Camino?"

"The car is fine now," Charles blushes. "He...likes experimental car races. Vintage cars driven while all drivers are on LSD, himself included-"

"This guy's legal fees for the bassist alone could keep my guys in rent and food for a year or more," Murray jokes to Stede. "So... you're new!"

"Hardly. Just our first time at this festival."

"Right so...new. That's what that means."

Stede nods, but a vein in his neck twitches.

"Let's do a run over the bands, hm?" Charles gently motions them along with his new Flight of the Conchords shirt. "Bret! Jemaine!"

They peer over from their small area to soundcheck (if it can really be called that when the festival has barely provided any space where one could hear oneself think, let alone play, before going onstage), but only wave.

"They're laser focused in on this performance," Murray says. "I told them, no interruptions! Except me, or Mel, or anyone selling food and water because they need to keep themselves healthy if they want to play well, and-"

"Well, my band has got wonderful manners," Stede interjects, and shouts down the hall. "Crew of The Revenge, front and center!"

Ed jogs over. "What's up, love?"

He presses a kiss to Stede's forehead.

"Why isn't everyone else following you?!"

"They're relaxing before we go onstage," Ed says softly. "You should too, look like you're going to pop an artery or something-"

"I could pop someone, that's for su-"

Ed shakes his head, offers Charles a sympathetic look, then jogs back to the band. Understandable, where he should be now, especially-

"Ah," Charles looks beyond them to the handmade signs at the stage entrance, being changed again.

Instead of The Revenge going on next, it's Dethklok now.

And there's a hurricane a few states away, closer to the coast, but he Knows, he Knows that means nothing when the band gets involved-

"How about we go try and shill some merch before my guys get out there, hm?" he continues. "For all three bands!"

"Mr. Capitalism over here," Murray chuckles. "Why he and I eventually stopped sleeping together; I simply couldn't-"

Stede lunges, Flight of the Conchords pin opened and in hand, and the sound of the hurricane swirls as, at the same time, Dethklok heads early to the stage.

Charles pops his pin and shirt into a bag held out by the nearest Klokateer. "Let the governor know we'll assist with cleanup however we can, but only if this current incident doesn't leave this festival."

At their feet, Murray and Stede stab ineffectually at each other, more or less taking turns with the pin.

"Yeah, I don't think the crime beat is gonna report on this."

"I should have you ki-" Charles pauses. "No. You're right. Normally, that would be insubordination that couldn't be overlooked but...what's your designation?"

"Klokateer 69, sir."

"Seriously?" Charles chuckles, ignoring the shrieks of fans outside being whisked away by the winds. "That's wonderful. Anyway. Do as I say, and you'll be rewarded handsomely."

He can just hear his band over the screams and rain and wind, and his foot taps ever so slightly in time with 'Wind Storm of Water and Death.'

[the-firebird69]

monaco luxury womans cars#luxurylifestyle #monacolifestyle #short #shor...

Not really doing anything John remillard and you don't know what their plan is so poor people are saying it too without fleet you're not going to do anything I need to shut your mouth you're so dumb and goodness show trying to rub Monaco get your son's face and you don't know anything about Saturn are those two fleets that went in there at all and we're going to get you for what you're saying

Thor Freya

He just wants to kidnap me and get everything he's sitting here losing everything and you can't figure it out cuz it's forcing me to stay here with nothing it's kind of a massive idiot and you and your whole realm yeah all of you stuck a moron next to me mac daddy says I can't see what he's doing and he really can't

Zues Hera

And why would you know John remillard you're an idiot who's happy with it I mean what a stupid f*** yeah we know about your threats and we know about his method have we heard it today and it makes a lot of sense he's going to get rid of you in the process is taking territory it's extremely valuable they've never had territory people say it and watch and see if people leave and try and get there everyone else in a while there nobody knows who they are and they try and follow them then a bunch of them and they don't come out that's your legacy stupidity

Mac daddy

At least I arranged it no the max did

Trump

The arrange it and then you f***** it all up I appreciate it you're not doing it on purpose you're just a f******

Zues Hera

You did arrange it and you f***** it up and you do it every time and you're a moron he trained people to f****** so a lot of people don't care who are benefiting from it but you're an idiot okay you don't understand what we're talking about we see it everyday we shout at you everyday and you still don't get it and we realize that but the empire is having to do it we think they're wrong and you're convoluting what they're seeing somehow and they can't admit they're wrong but they do seem to be trying to get rid of you and soon enough you'll be gone and your stupid a****** s*** will be gone with you

Mac daddy

So you're going to go to Australia and sit there and eat people and you're going to get outlawed All of you are including you Stan

..

Olympus mostly they get out loud because we can see it in here at the same and we just have heard enough of it these are a pack of animals and they're going to get killed and we don't want to hear about your stupid dog your people are such s*** you cannot believe how hard it really is if you don't try at all

We need to go out of here and we're writing orders now what a pitiful creature this Trump guy is

Thor Freya we've taken over more territory because this guy than ever in history and that means a lot our son and daughter are doing great they have a huge plan people are all getting on board this is going to rock. Right now we have giant tracks of land that we're taking half of it is in the Midwest no it's 70% in the middle areas but we already have 80% of the area now are acquiring about 10% more but on it all these factories and you're just leaving your jobs like to nothing on the owner perimeter we're taking factories over as well and we're using Force and we are surrounding them and we have to take them over and their hours now it's a lot of factories okay we're up to 4300% again because of this cockamady plan and we are Manning the factories in the Midwest and people try and get there and die and we are also increasing production not decreasing and we have tons of robots we took from Trump we don't have time to make them and these are great for manufacturing and they're not adequate for combat these are real sissy robots okay our son has robots they're just so powerful and can go for so long did a few all these robots were in a room with no arms or even Small arms they could do nothing against one robot and I'm talking about a trillion robots it'll take a few days no I take weeks but the one robot of ours would destroy yours that's the difference in caliber and a centurion's and yours suck we can rip that thing apart by hand.

We thought people would be more concerned and they don't do enough now we have to just take it all with this 10% we will have about 90% of the middle areas and people start panicking and they will leave.

We need all the factories and we need them in they will start producing regular products too I'm sending them out too tons of them and we have to it's a good idea to and we're going to start doing it fairly soon as in this week we have a timetable and we need all our people in right now we do have to have a special meeting and discussion on what's going on here he needs better protection against these ignorant slobs and we will go over why I thank you all and this is awesome and yeah we're going to have some car plants up that he wants firebird Pontiac we're trying to revive a couple plants and put something else in and it was not wanted but we're doing it anyways and we're not making Pontiacs and we might be and this is a fun part we find a bunch of them they're not new they stop making them in 2010 and we're refurbishing them and they think they're new

..

Olympus

I'm all for that idea and I got to get in there and start doing it I like it

Jen