#what gets me the most i think isn't even setting the boundaries themselves but the feeling like a jerk afterwards

[johaerys-writes]

just saw your post about boundaries and i wanted to say that you got this! even if it will take a while for the payoff to come through! you’ve still done something incredibly valuable for your health even though it’s difficult and that in itself is an amazing accomplishment! you’re taking steps to better your life and make sure that you’re respected while still communicating healthily with the people around you so that everyone has a fair chance to live happily and responsibly and that’s awesome! go you!!!

Aaah thank you for such a kind and thoughtful message anon I really needed that 😭🙏 setting boundaries is SO tough and sometimes it seems easier to just let others step all over you so that you won't inconvenience anyone, and it's also easy to forget that, as you said, boundaries are important for your HEALTH, both mental and physical. Sometimes you need to rewire your brain to do that, but ultimately it's worth it right 🥲

[stolitzsings]

This is a sort of response to a post I've seen floating around, drawing parallels between the chains in Blitz’s trip that bind him to Stolas and the chains that bind Husk, Angel, and Fizz to Alastor, Valentino, and Mammon respectively. I'm not commenting on that post directly bc I avoid Discourse (tm) at all costs for the sake of my health, and I don’t want to get drawn into an unproductive argument that will mess with my anxiety for a week. I'm not trying to start a fight, just get my thoughts out on why I feel that comparison is inaccurate, and hopefully provide some helpful context and nuance.

So! Let's start with a few disclaimers! First of all, I'm not going to debate the moral purity of any of these characters. I just don't think it's an interesting or valuable critique. On a related note, I am not trying to excuse any of their behavior. I'm happy to admit that my favorite characters in this show have hurt people and are sometimes total assholes. Stolas treated Blitz very poorly at the beginning of their relationship, frequently pushed or even ignored boundaries, and was just kind of a dick about things. My objection to a direct comparison between Stolas and the other characters mentioned above isn't because I think Stolas hasn't done anything wrong; I just think that saying they're similar without further clarification or commentary ignores the nuance of the situation.

Read on below the cut, it's gonna be another long one folks!

Let's start by examining the "agreements" forged by Val, Mammon, and Alastor. I think it's important to note that, in their cases, the person they got to sign their contract could have been anyone. Husk and Angel could have been any sinners, Fizz could have been any imp. They aren't interested in them as people; they were only using them to gain more power for themselves. The only thing that matters to them is, "What can you do for me?" Angel and Fizz quite clearly become cogs in the machine of Val and Mammon's businesses, and Alastor only thinks of Husk as a tool to be leveraged in specific situations to further his own mysterious goals. Each of them has demonstrated to their subjugates that they own them, body and soul. They have signed legally and spiritually binding contracts that essentially surrender their autonomy to a more powerful demon.

Stolas and Blitz’s agreement is... not that. In the most literal sense, they don’t appear to have made any sort of binding deal. They just made a verbal agreement, which I sincerely doubt has anywhere near the force of a signed soul contract. Additionally, Stolas did not ask for and does not seem to want that sort of total control over Blitz. He very clearly does not view this as any sort of power exchange (which may actually be part of the issue, since it leaves him blind to Blitz’s discomfort with their class difference), he sees it as "favors for favors." While this agreement is inherently unbalanced due to Stolas's status, it's worth noting that they’re both putting something on the line here. The other three risk practically nothing (if the person bound to them fails they can always get a new one), but Stolas IS taking on a real risk by letting Blitz access the living world illegally using his book. Again, that doesn't make his actions right, and probably helped him to justify them, but it does set their relationship apart from the others.

In my opinion, some of Stolas's greatest flaws are his thoughtlessness and his ability to justify his own actions to himself. This manifests in the fact that he clearly doesn't see the ways in which their relationship is hurting Blitz. He convinced himself that this was just an equal exchange, and a continuation of the dynamic Blitz established in their first encounter as adults: "I fuck you, and you give me the book". As he becomes more aware of his feelings for Blitz, though (stay tuned for a deeper analysis of this progression later), he also begins to realize that Blitz isn't happy with this relationship. And this, as @masonshmason pointed out, is the central fact that separates Stolas and Blitz from the other relationships. Stolas did not realize- or chose to ignore- how he was hurting Blitz. Once he came to terms with it, though, he understood that he had to make things right. He specifically says this in "Just Look My Way"; "I will try to make amends/ For making you means to an end". None of the others could say this, because in their case, that was the POINT. Angel, Fizz, and Husk were ALWAYS a means to an end, intentionally trapped for that purpose.

We also need to talk about the CONTEXT of the scenes in which the chain imagery appears. For both Angel and Husk, the chain is at least semi-literal, a physical (and perhaps supernatural) manifestation of the way their souls are bound to an overlord. In "Two Minutes Notice," Fizz purposely CHOOSES to represent his relationship to Mammon as chains around his wrists. However, Blitz's scene is part of a drug trip after being forcibly dosed with hallucinogens. It does not exist in any literal sense, nor is it a representation of Blitz’s conscious, literal thoughts. What it DOES do is showcase Blitz’s deepest fears and his greatest flaws through symbolism and metaphor. Blitz is not literally afraid of being forced to wear a clown costume; he is afraid he'll never escape his past traumas or Fizz's shadow. THIS is the context in which Blitz sees himself being chained by Stolas: a bad trip all about his fear of intimacy and vulnerability.

Stolas appears in this trip as someone elevated high above him, something he's climbing towards, reaching for, even though it means being chained to him. It's directly preceded by his ex girlfriend and his former best friend berating him for how he pushes people away even though he hates being alone. Then Stolas directly asks him, "Are you afraid to love people, Blitzy?" Furthermore, the WAY in which he is framed is alluring, slightly hazy, golden and tempting. It couldn’t be further from the ugly, slime-covered past he's fleeing. It's a new start, a chance for something better that seems too good to be true. This trip is all about Blitz’s inability to be vulnerable with another person. The chain around his neck is a representation of the fact that, by getting closer to Stolas, he's giving Stolas the power to hurt him emotionally.

And man, there's a part of him that wants to give Stolas that power. At this critical moment, he's not baring his teeth in defiance or anger. He's blushing, just slightly, and he looks... nervous. Blitz's instinct, when things get too real, is to cut and run. Hurt them before they can hurt you. Abandon them before they have the chance to leave you. It’s how he tanked his relationship with Verosika. This is a manifestation of what might happen if he stays. This is the sort of trouble he can't fight his way out of.

This is the emotional climax of the scene. There are so many ways they could have gone with this if they wanted to represent Blitz being chained and trapped by his agreement with Stolas. If that was the fear--if that was the POINT--they could have had the chains wrap around him until he couldn't move, or glow white hot and burn into his skin, or a million other more direct metaphors. But the chains aren't the thing that hurts him. It's the feathers: the thing that's left behind after Stolas abandons him, sing-songing "you're going to die alone" right alongside two other people who he loved and who now want nothing to do with him.

Finally, let's look at Blitz’s reaction to this scene. It's a moment of revelation for him, in which he realizes he's pushing everyone away and starts to make an effort to change. It's why he's a bit more open with Moxxie in the next scene. The trip sequence ALSO inspires him to get closer to Stolas, indicating that the trip didn’t make him realize "I'm trapped and I need to get out of this" in the same way Fizz did. Rather, he realizes that he doesn't want Stolas to leave him like everyone else, and he wants to start feeling out what it would be like to deepen the connection between them. As I've mentioned in other posts, their kiss at the end of "truth seekers" represents a level of intimacy that we haven't seen before; it's teasing, affectionate, shows Blitz’s interest in making Stolas happy, and takes place in front of M&M, who have repeatedly teased him about their relationship before.

In summary, while the image of chains may have been invoked in all four of these relationships, they don’t necessarily mean the same thing across the board. Blitz and Stolas's relationship differs substantially from the others in its dynamic, and the context of their scene also sets it apart. It's important to look into the details and the nuance of their relationship to interpret what's going on under layers of trauma and unreliable narration.

[hotdogdynamitezzz]

Astrological Hidden Gems

Disclaimer: This won't apply to everyone, astro police plz chill. Just have fun and vibe bitches, and if you don't relate that's totally fine just don't be rude. Comment your experiences down below 👇

Vedic Nakshatra Observations:

Idk much about vedic but I've learnt a little about some nakshatras, bear with me there will be more next time.

🪐 Anuradha Moons & Mercury's can see the dead, they are often familiar with paranormal experiences occuring because being the nakshatra of friendship, gateways, and unity. It's in Scorpio debilitated, which creates a spiritual unity with spirits and occult giving them clear intuition and many otherworldly experiences. They can most likely communicate with ghosts.

🌌 Chitra can be very critical and harsh, more so than most nakshatras. They are ruled by the tiger and are associated with jewels and royalty so their expectations are extremely high. They are the type to call you on your bullshit in front of whoever to assert social dominance in a strategic way. They could have participated in bullying or get into scandals involving their attitude. It's important for them to keep their image though so you won't often see them act out. The OG mean girl nakshatra in my opinion.

Tropical Astrology:

🕊 Scorpio moons aren't the nicest people tbh, in fact most often they're known for being rude or belittling people without even being aware of it. They are ruled by pluto the god of the underworld and traditionally mars the god of war. Putting two and two together you shouldn't expect this water moon sign to be nurturing and caring and that's why the moon falls in scorpio. However, they do care extremely deeply but instead of comforting you they will tell the honest hard truth from their perspective and will think they're always right even when they're not. They can become overly controlling this way and obssess over all your problems for you so set some boundaries. Their advice isn't for everyone.

🌌 I do have to say though, every scorpio moon I've met no matter how many layers or how matured they are. Everytime I've witnessed someone run to them for comfort and tell them personal problems, the scorpio moon will hold this over them as blackmail later or gossip about it to their other close friends. As much as they're secretive with themselves, they sure as hell won't be with you because being ruled by pluto and mars they crave power and feel unsafe if they can't maintain power over others. Therefore, the whole scorpio is so loyal stereotype isn't always true. They can often pose as the opposite sorry.

🪐 Fuckboy aspects are Mars - Jupiter. Every single time I've read a sexually active almost sex addictive with some commitment issues chart. Its always had this aspect, in greek mythology jupiter is associated with zeus and that man got every bitch pregnant like the earth was dying or sum💀 he was horny as hell, polyamourus as hell, and literally couldn't keep his dick out of anything. So honestly in combination with venus or mars aspects, 5th & 8th house jupiter, and jupiter dominant charts. You are looking at a sex addict my friend.

💗 The 4th and 10th house are associated with household names and royalty. Most of the british royals have major 4th & 10th house placements like king charles, queen elizabeth, kate middleton, and so on. Your 4th house is your legacy and household name, and your 10th house rules over what you achieved in this life, and the power you achieve and use over the public. Having planets such as venus in the 4th or 10th house means you are the standard for beauty and could hold power over others with it or in your workplace peoples looks hold authority over you. Celebrities considered the most beautiful will often have their venus in the 4th house.

💡Afflicted 4th - 10th house axis like: Aries in 4th - Libra in 10th, Scorpio in 4th - Taurus in 10th, and Capricorn in 4th - Cancer in 10th denotes the responsibility of building your worth up through the value of you work. This is because no one valued you from birth, these I.C's never experienced encouragement or help from their family, instead most of the time their family was their enemy and they grew with these troubles into adulthood. People with afflicted 4th houses know they don't have anything, their own personal power is stripped from them at birth so they have to gain value from others and power in their career. This is why a lot of afflicted midheavens tend to be famous but come from awful backgrounds or have horrible mental health problems. However, they tend to value people much more strongly, they just to have a dark past and work from the dirt up. Their insecurities most often push them away from achieving their dreams sadly, but once they gain their own self worth you will see them flourish.

🌲 People can bring up the argument that these I.C's could be born into powerful rich families, especially Scorpio & Capricorn I.C's but as kids they still were never valued, only their money and reputation was. Overall, poor or rich the afflicted I.C 's - M.C's axis path in life is to find their own value through their work and gain personal power after. While the Benefic I.C - M.C axis use their own personal power they found through loved ones early on to give value to the work they do.

💗 Pisces are the most manipulative sign, neptune literallycreates illusions so they have the ability to create any confusion or misunderstandingthat will go unnoticed. Most of the time they are unaware they have this power but pisces is related to the higher realm and spiritual power so often times they just seem to KNOW everything about you even if you've never said anything before. They can sense it all unknowingly.

🌌 Scorpio risings are oddly chill and their presence isn't really felt unless they have pluto or mars their chart rulers in the 1st & 10th house. Other than that they're the misunderstood quiet kids with a rbf who are unexpectedly so accepting but you think they're judging the hell outta you lmao

💡 Scorpio risings also tend to be a bit paranoid and overthink everything, being ruled by the water element and mars they're sensitive to any change in their environment and quick to react. The only difference is their reaction is internalized by the water element so they may not lose their cool easily but you can seem them easily annoyed by even the smallest of things. Their habit of overthinking everything can also make them assume the worst in people but they just need to evaluate people before getting close, not the type to chat you up before staring you down.

I actually love Scorpio risings, don't take that the wrong way just explaining their behavior I've noticed

🌲 But those with Pluto in the 1st house- wow their presence most definitely CAN be felt once they decide to speak up. They go unnoticed until they decide to show themselves, then all of a sudden an entire classroom will be sucked into their words as they speak, it's almost hypnotizing like a snake.

🌌 Virgo risings make quick judgements on people but aren't the type to nag, more so secretly set things up for you in advance like appointments, reminders,even your morning coffee. They just know because they can feel the slight changes in you as virgo is associated with health and the body. They're pretty intuitive too just in a physical sense, the type to always get gut feelings about people. You can't play them period, those hard to get mf's lmao

🪐 The most underrated beauty indicator imo are virgo risings and virgo venuses. Virgo risings are the runway models and look nothing like how we stereotype them. They usually have slick thin straight hair, big eyes, and HIGH cheekbones. Their faces are sculpt to perfection in a heavenly angel sense while pisces risings look like dolls and capricorn risings look more intimidating and defined. But seriously virgo rising women are stunning and it's a common placement in models. They also have pouty lips?

🕊 Virgo venuses are gorgeous too but in a girl next door vibe. They are oddly mischievous sometimes which is unexpected but so witty and caring. I kinda hate how to astro community describes them as moms in every single post because I haven't met one virgo placement that actually nags and criticizes people lmao? Virgos are so socially aware they won't do anything that makes them look bad even if they're tempted. But they will try to do everything in their power to help you, they're more action oriented than people think it's just behind the scenes.

💗 Virgo venuses tho will act like they hate you if they have a crush on you and try to get involved in your life or anything you're working on, that's the secret code. They love hiding for some reason, they're just scared to let you see their flaws so they hate having crushes. If you want them to like you, just be funny and talk to them they love funny people because they're ruled by mercury and it stimulates them. Literally say the dumbest funniest shit and they will laugh their ass off, they won't criticize you yet

🌌 Leo risings aren't arrogant or confident, in fact they're the most insecure rising sign I've come across and its because the rising sign shows Leo's ego and heart on display to the public, if they feel as if they're lacking they will overcompensate and try to fake arrogance. They vakue compliments and genuinely kind people so much due to how delicate their public image is and how they feel on the inside, but this is why they always seem to be the best hype people. They just get others insecurities from feeling their own and know how people feel (leo rules over the heart)

🌲 Imo Leos are more individualistic than Aquarius from what I've seen. All fire risings have "I'm different & special" syndrome istg, their need for validation and to be liked IS REAL. If you wanna insult a fire rising especially leo just call them mid, they can't handle it and find it more offensive than cursing at them.

🪐 Aquarius placements believe no one is special because humans are all equal so they are able to dissociate from their egos. This is why they often seem unbothered, cold and sometimes mean. They just didn't grow up with parents who valued their differences and often blend into the community

💡 Uranus doms on the other hand...are like shocwaves, they are the definition of "I'm different" but because they're outcasted so often from being viewed as weird even though they're always 10 steps ahead. But their shocking factor isn't for everyone and they often cause disruptions and accidents without meaning too, it's just their presence and effect ya know. They're seriously hilarious tho

💗 Libra moons aren't people pleasers, they like to start conflict behind the scenes. They just call themselves people pleasers but like to start drama and pin it on someone else...hahaha they can be evil little shits. Their emotions do seem to depend on how much people like them tho, if aomeone dislikes them they will be SO upset because they view it as unfair judgment casted onto them.

🪐 Real talk - Cancer rising women don't get enough credit, they have the same charisma as Leo risings just in a more feminine approachable manner. People find them sooo easy to talk and rant to. They can gain the trust of anyone and have THE BIGGEST eyes ever omg. Girls in particular love being friends with them while guys seem to obsess over them a lottt like a lot. They can attract stalkers just because their moon energy pulls people in it seems and magnetizes them. People become emotionally attached to cancer risings its concerning actually.

🌲 The 8th house shows your DNA regenerated as this is the house of regeneration and blood, so look at your 8th house if you're curious about your future children. The 5th house has to do with YOUR personal childhood and how children perceive you, the 4th house will be your home environment, your moon sign and house placement will indicate how you act as a mom and the home environment you seek to create.

🌌 As someone who had been offered to be in a polyamourus relationship with a girl even though I've never dated before, I have uranus conjunct my descendant in aquarius exactly. I've had more lgtbq+ experience in romance than hetero and I think most with uranus in the 5th, 7th & conjunct venus, ascendant or descendant will relate. I just feel comfier in that environment tbh guys scare me LMAOO

That's all for today, this post was long due and I have a true crime post coming up next cheers 🥂

[bird-inacage]

Only Friends: Ray x Sand Character & Relationship Theories

So a fun game I like to play before a series airs, is to speculate on the characters and the possible direction or conflicts that may arise (based only on what we've seen so far). An initial delve into Ray and Sand as individuals and as a couple.

RAY

"Ray is quite spoiled. He wants to be pampered by everyone." Being spoilt often means getting your way, and hence unable to compromise or settle for less. Ray loves attention, which can lead to an inflated sense of self-importance or narcissism. The issue with this is your identity becomes so easily informed by those around you. Without attention to thrive on, Ray may feel invisible or inadequate. And when feeling insecure, they may feel driven to do things to purposely draw attention to themselves (exhibitionist-like behaviour or throwing tantrums/sulking). Attention only supplies a fleeting sense of validation. It's nowhere close to true fulfilment.

A spoilt nature can also manifest as clinginess or possessiveness. ‘This is mine', 'this belongs to me and only me.' As Khaotung puts it, Ray likes being 'pampered' aka doted on by those around him. So when Mew is swiped away by Top from under his nose, Ray is clearly annoyed. This is partly due to Top being his love rival, but I believe it's more simple than that. Mew is his friend. Once Top comes into the picture, Mew naturally spends much less time with him. Possessiveness is the close relative of (petty) jealousy. You don't want 'your people' spending time with anyone else. You ideally want them revolving their time around you, because they validate your existence.

"Be patient with his hot temper, because Ray is easily frustrated." Confrontational, brash, and a loose cannon when angry. Ray seems to react on emotion rather than rationale. If things aren't to his liking, his immediate knee jerk reaction is to act out. Essentially, he's a bit of a brat. "He's going to be straightforward. His words might not be appropriate. Ray might just say what he wants honestly." Ray isn't deterred by formalities or niceties. You’ll get the truth whether you like it or not.

"Deep down, I think he's someone who needs love." "So if you're his friend, he might fall for you too." These points Khaotung shared are the most intriguing in my opinion. It implies that it's not Mew exclusively that Ray could have developed a crush on. It could have easily been another close friend in an alternative version of events. Ray may latch onto others far too easily (especially towards those who give him positive attention and reinforcement, possibly).

SAND

First emphasises that Sand's financial situation has a huge bearing on his character. "He works to earn his living, thus he must be patient when doing things to ensure his survival... he has to work many jobs to earn money". Sand appears to be a musician who side hustles as a sex worker (which is at least two jobs). He has to be resourceful and pragmatic, especially in how to set his priorities in order.

"Sand doesn't have time. He's someone you must approach first." If they say my treat, they suddenly become more interesting to him." It requires more effort for someone to get to know Sand. I speculate that Ray might begin by 'hiring' Sand under the pretence of work. If Sand doesn't have much free time to spare, this would allow Ray to see him if he offers to 'pay for it'. Even though it's in Sand's best interests to pursue connections that will benefit him, he makes exceptions for those he considers his friends. This tells me that Sand has a strong righteous and moral compass. No matter how tough his own circumstances may be, he'll prioritise those he cares about.

"You will see his patience." Patience nurtures a willingness to listen and a willingness to compromise. Patience suggests registered and thoughtful decision-making rather than haste. Unfortunately it can cause others to push your boundaries, under the assumption you'll be more forgiving. In the trailer, he's frequently on the receiving end of Ray's wrath. Everyone has a limit, and it's likely that Ray will test Sand's patience to the point he snaps.

"People around him might sense tension and pressure from him sometimes." It's no surprise that when you live on the edge, you can be highly strung. His circumstances would understandably make him less tolerant to 'first world problems' or unnecessary shenanigans. Sand seems like the type to have a no nonsense policy for mind games. He could be a voice of reason in the series, as we see him trying to talk sense into Nick regarding Boston’s treatment of him. I have a hunch Sand will act out of genuine concern for Ray in a lot of instances, which gets rebuffed or misunderstood as being overly nosy or preachy.

RAY x SAND: Potential Conflicts

Sand's Financial Status

Mew, Ray, Boston and Top all seem to move in the same circles - appearing fairly wealthy. Often seen in homes with huge pools, driving nice cars and dress fairly dapper too. Ray has a ridiculously lavish bedroom (I mean fur pillows??) Whereas I think Sand and Nick may live together, and are on the other end of the spectrum. Sand works multiple jobs and Nick works in a phone shop.

When there is a wealth imbalance, it's common for those lesser off to have a complex around this (being in a position of disadvantage and seen as inferior). "Do I need to pamper you and call you Sugar Daddy? I don't know how to do that." By definition, 'Sugar Daddy' is usually someone older/richer who lavishes gifts on their 'partner' in exchange for sexual favours. Sand's cynic quip is a little dig at their dynamic, alluding to the fact that he doesn't know how to play to those in richer circles.

"It's clear that you just can't take care of what you have." Top mocks Sand in a way that could support this theory. That he can't take care of Ray and support his lifestyle. Ray also says, "You think my life will be better with you?" Which could be interpreted as: 'What value do you bring to my life (when I already have everything)?' It also has an air of 'Who are you to comment on my life when we come from different worlds entirely?'

Ray is High Maintenance or 'Troubled'

"I'll never take someone like you as my boyfriend." Which is Sand declaring: 'You/Your type are way too much trouble for me'. (Famous last words). He also says, "You should save your money for a shrink." Ray likely comes with baggage, bad habits or more serious issues. Whatever this may be, it's very clear to Sand that Ray would be too challenging a prospect as a boyfriend. Though there is undoubtedly attraction between them, Sand's wariness about these issues are strong enough for him to be hesitant about going further.

Another curious detail is in one scene Ray's arm is in a sling, and another he appears to have a bruised lip and cheek. Ray clearly has a volatile temper, which is a probable cause for trouble. But something tells me that Ray may have a far more underlying problem that would warrant Sand suggesting he see a shrink. Anger management issues feels too on the nose.

More Than Just Bed Friends

At the start of the series, Ray is pining over Mew. Somewhere along the line he starts to pursue Sand more seriously instead, though Sand doesn't consider Ray as boyfriend material. "Can you make an exception for me?"

"Can you stop thinking about something else for just one second? Focus on me for once, will you?" Sand seems frustrated that Ray blows hot and cold, which means he doesn't really know where he stands. Ray has either given very mixed signals from the get go or majorly yo-yos after Mew is definitely taken. "Stop poking your nose into my business. What are we to each other?" "Now that you already stepped into my life, I won't let you walk away." One minute he's telling Sand to piss off, and the next he's vowing not to let Sand out of his sights.

The ultimate conflict being 'so, what are we'?

Ray and Sand are referred to as 'Bed Friends' but Boston and Nick are referred to as 'Friends with Benefits'. (I thought this meant the same thing, but is there a distinction? Someone enlighten me if so). In the context of this series, it seems 'Bed Friends' refers to sex that leads to friendship. Whereas 'Friends with Benefits' are two friends that have sex regularly but don't share a romantic relationship.

-----

There will be plenty to analyse as soon as the first episode airs this week. Super interested to hear what others have been speculating is in store for us. We will not be prepared.

[despazito]

I have conflicting feelings about so called "therapy talk" in animated shows nowadays.

I'm not sure if I like the term in general because i think it's dismissive of the concept as a whole, which I feel throws the baby out with the bathwater. Like to me at least the definition of therapy talk means being extremely emotionally mature, being able to successfully identify and communicate your feelings, and using empathy to do the same with others' feelings. which I think are all good qualities to have in a person, but detrimental to a fictional story if this trait is shared equally amongst the WHOLE cast and that's what bothers me about its overusage now.

People just don't have interpersonal conflict this way!! especially amongst kids or teens. Or at least it's extremely uncommon to have these types of kindcore interactions with others outside of a moderated clinical setting.

Emotional intelligence like that isn't a switch you can flick, characters may repress things or drop a facade to deliver some truths or philosophy to the protagonist but it has to dovetail in with the rest of their character. A character who showed no previous capacity for such maturity just feels unnatural to suddenly act very wise for a scene if it's played completely straight.

For instance, Patrick Star is great at playing this for comedy. His sudden rare bursts of extreme mature clarity are so opposite to the rest of his character that it loops all the way back into the comedic. But then imagine a character like Scrappy Doo busting out a lecture on externalizing his unresolved anger from past experiences without a shred of irony. Or Jesse Pinkman breaking his character of a wannabe gangster drug dealer to deliver a carefully worded clapback to walt about toxicity and gaslighting explaining the deepest mechanics of his personality. It would kind of suck, right? Which is why when Aaron Paul's character in Bojack gets a scene like that as Todd, it's very introspective but still delivered in Todd's voice because the writers know Todd and know the boundaries of what he can articulate.

Characters can gain introspection and learn to understand themselves over the course of a narrative, but it has to feel natural and have some precedent. It's a bit annoying when all the characters resolve emotional conflict like they've taken a class in anger management before.

And i think a lot of it is the writer idealizing relationships and interactions between their characters and a weird obsession with morality in fiction now. We need to be spoonfed why this character is bad or what is currently occurring in a lecture from another character lest someone get the wrong impression from the text, in many ways it comes across as unconfident writing.

In a perfect (or dystopian to some) world everyone can communicate impeccably with everyone’s feelings in mind and people will come away with the exact reading of a text the author implied. and sure it can be good escapism if that’s what you crave. but it just doesn’t make for very interesting stories!!

Some writers will try to hide therapy talk under several layers of meta irony, but honestly those can feel even lamer to me and dare I say lazier in execution. It's quite literally telling instead of showing the audience exactly how a character feels by having them sarcastically voice their internal feelings in the format of a mindfulness diary prompt instead of feeling confident enough in your audience to pick up on those themes themselves through subtler acting cues or interactions. It's the internal conflict equivalent of loudly breaking the fourth wall to shout that motorcycle slide was from Akira, instead of having faith in the viewer to catch a reference on their own.

This kind of self aware speaking about emotions definitely has its place, most notably in preschool programming because many of those shows are about teaching kids emotional intelligence and conflict resolution. But I am getting tired of this trope in other genres for older audiences, let things be messy and ambiguous! Your characters don't have to be perfect people! Let them have misunderstandings and make mistakes in relationships instead of speaking like licensed counselors!!

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

okay legit question. and i'm eager to have this discussion. can you help me understand why you think that izzy scene was comedic? if it's purely based on those pathetic whimpers he made at the end of the scene, i'm honestly not convinced. god knows i've made pathetic noises like that when i've been genuinely upset about something. yeah that shit's awkward but isn't dismissing the noise as comedic sort of relying in the expectation that drama should be pretty?

and this ask wasn't meant to sound dismissive of your opinion btw, or defensive of izzy. (i love that weird and evil little freak for being a weird and evil little freak and thats all.) i'm just confused as to how that scene could be read that way.

Ok so lets start off with that in season 1 Izzy is not granted like even a shred of sympathy in any similar situation. We've seen this man cry before and when it happened Ed and Stede were making sex noises in the background and there was a jaunty little tune over it. Generally when writers and directors want us to be sympathetic to a character they build an emotional connection to that character and they just haven't done that for Izzy.

But moving onto the scene itself: This is the extended joke set up in season one of the disconnect of treating a pirate ship like workplace with HR. They're having like an intervention for Izzy and using the words "unhealthy relationship" and "toxic" to talk about toe chopping, which is excellent. I know the internet vernacular has kind of made these the go to words but you get how "toxic relationship unhealthy boundary setting" is not generally how television characters talk about stuff like this. Jim and Frenchie are out here using modern therapy words.

Then Archie starts talking about how much Rhino Horn Ed does which is incredible. they could have said he's doing weed, they could have said he's doing opium, they could have said he's doing a more modern drug, ofmd doesn't shy away from that, but instead they went with the most esoteric ye olde Viagra pull ever. Ed's doing fucking RHINO HORN???? Superb.

Then there's the the fact that Izzy clearly hates every second of it. Like these teddy bear capybara friend shaped men (Fang and Frenchie) are just like "hey you ok bro?" to a guy who HATES expressing any emotions so much that he spend like a whole season trying to stop Ed from doing it. Like you can feel how bad he wants to throw himself overboard from embarrassment

Then there's Fang. Dionysus an Emmy for that man. He pats Izzy on the shoulder and then Izzy pushes him away with the weakest I'm fine in history and then he goes in and gives him a hug from behind which is very much reminicent of like a hold a medical professional would use to subdue someone who is a danger to themselves or others without harming them. And then he just starts rocking him

And then there's the actual breakdown itself. I want to preface this with that I understand that in real life you might make some weird noises during a breakdown. But this is not real life. Usually when actors have breakdowns on stage or tv they have to decide what choices they're going to make. You can do a pretty cry, you can go overdramatic and comedic, you can make the audience uncomfortable in a veriety of ways. What Con has chosen here is air being let out of a balloon, He snorts like a pig, he whimpers. You know when you blow up a balloon and you pull the valve tight and it makes a screaming sound. His choice to heem heem whimper is histerical. And then he makes the sound and fang gives out a soft "am I crushing you" as if Fang thinks he's making the noise because of physical discomfort.

and then like everyone else's reactions. They're all so uncomfortable. Fang is like It's all right it's all right while Jim looks to Archie like "are you seeing this?" and Archie looks back and forth between them and then Frenchie is doing this with his face

and then there's the music. My god the music is just the sappiest shit ever over this??? like the whole thing is hillarious. Emmys for all of them

Edit: I forgot the funniest part. This whole thing is this Tweet

[nightswithkookmin]

Hey it's good to write to you again 💖love your sense of humour it always hype me😄😄

I just went to Yoongi's concert, I'm telling it's magical, loud and fun. What made me even more excited is because I was traveling with my friend whom we just renewed our friendship that was broken because of misunderstandings, I introduced her to bts and as we were watching their content she suddenly said she like jikook, and in my mind I thought she is talking about them in a platonic way so when she elaborated she said she can see when people are fucking each other😁😂 I laughed then I showed her your blog she's been reading it saying you are very blunt😂😅 Anyway few day after she came and asked me if taehyung used to date Jimin or if tae has a crush on Jimin because she noticed at times tae would look at Jimin's lips and all, I said I thought the same at first. Do you think v had a crush on Jimin, Is that why Jungkook when it comes to yoongi, Rm and tae he needs to clarify that it is friendship turning down every ship moment that can be made? Because I noticed he has no problem with Jimin or jihope moments but always with the others he interrupts them.

Aahh vmin vmin vmin- the ship that could if only they would

No one knows for sure what his thing was with Jimin. It was easier to label it as a crush for kicks and giggles back then. But as grown adults that they are now its a little bit 🥴

I mean sometimes the members themselves do admit some of the things they do and say is a bit fruity 🤷🏾

With Jungkook isn't it double standards for him to feel the need to go out of his way to demystify Jimin's ships while his own ships hang in the gay balance?

Minimoni are friends he says but Namjoon and I are thirsting over eachother's bodies- boys scouts honor

Yoongi and Jimin are laughable he snorts but hey what's that in between Jins legs. time to jiggle jiggle

He's made not letting Jimin's ships breath his entire personality and instead of Jimin whooping his ass as he should he's 'oh Jungkookie" melting away at him

Not to say Jm enjoys it entirely cos clearly it gets a bit too much for him sometimes🥲

This 'double standards' is something I hear most teen same sex couples complain of so I find it interesting to see these things play out between them.

And it's definitely interesting how we the fans respond to this as well. We will praise Jungkook for being territorial but let Jimin exhibit a similar territorial streak and suddenly it's he's clingy, he's an attention seeker, and he acts like he owns Jungkook.

I'll take it a notch further and analyze this in light of Tae's reaction to this territorial behavior in both of them. If Jungkook acts territorial over Jimin with Tae, Tae backs away, acts like he's gonna cry most times and only puts up a fight on few occasions but should JM try to be territorial over Jungkook, Tae would square up with him more often than not🥴

Then there's Namjoon who used to back down and show some respect for the Maknae's feelings- and then suddenly doesn't care anymore. He legit said,

I digress.

Sigh. Am I the only one missing Jin? Where's that one Taejin shipper please send me Taejin gifs😭😭😭😭

Tae can be intense and he's able to connect to people and things on a very deep emotional almost spiritual level. When he was young he used to desire this same level of intensity from the people around him often leading to him coming across as not having emotional boundaries. I don't know much about him personally, but I can deduce from certain things he says and does that he used to get this thrown in his face a lot.

This lack of emotional boundaries is what is often misconstrued as a crush by some of us.

But I think he just wants to hold hands on the pier with Jimin and discuss their deep deep affections for one another while the sun gradually set over the water

It doesn't make them gay- may be lesbians for sure but not gay😭

And while Jimin equally wants a friendship like that and so reciprocate with Tae- he better not try that shit on Jungkook.

You're gonna caress Jungkook's hands in the dime light, over soft music, while whispering to him how much emotionally attached you are to him- better be prepared to have his children while you're at it

So to answer your question, I think Jungkook knows the difference between what's an unconventional quirky friendship and what's blatantly Gay.

And most of the time when he's reacting to these scenarios he's simply expressing his discomfort with the latter.

The day Jungkook goes cross eyed on Vmin is the day you know for sure those two are crossing some serious boundaries Friends shouldn't cross. Other than that I don't think he minds- nor should he.

The only reason he should be worried at all would be if Jimin is emotionally bonding with Tae and not JK. As it stands, that's not the case.

Minimoni are not Vmin. They are not the quirky unconventional same sex friends that Vmin are. So yea, if they start touching up on eachother and if Namjoon- NAMJOON- KIM NAMJOON- starts flirting and flashing dimples at Jimin he has every reason to be worried. I TOO WILL BE UNCOMFORTABLE AND I'M NOT EVEN DATING JIMIN.

THIS KIM NAMJOON????

Smart intelligent successful TALL KIM NAMJOON?

Look, Jungkook is even better than me. I wouldn't let my girlfriend be friends with a KIM NAMJOON. Are you kidding?! I would follow them everywhere and put surveillance on them. Reinforce social distancing rules. 5 ft apart always and never alone in one room.

You think ill let my girlfriend be friends with an Rm, Yoongi, Jk you're mad. And then they'll just tell you casually, hey babe i'm gonna hang out at Rm's place- eh? Excuse me?! PARDON!

Hanging out doing what exactly cos I know yall be not talking about your feelings with them. PRAY TELL WHAT EXACTLY YALL BE HANGING OUT FOR?

I mean I'm not threatened by Yoongi per se but Agust D? Child no. No. No no no no no. NO.

Personally I don't think Jimin is in any way romantically interested in anyone in BTS other than Jk. I will fight him on this if he denies it🤧

But doesn't mean certain people in the band don't- sexually excite him beside JK. He's a rather healthy young adventurous spirited gentleman - with raging fiery hormones JK tries to keep under control

*Insert JK screaming I DO NOT APPROVE OF THIS LEVEL OF HOTTNESS🤣

If your boyfriend had sexy sultry eyes and a Jawline that looks straight out of a hentai anime imagining you would want to police him around too.

And look, Daddy is not wood.

Sticks and stones may break his bones but dare I say, tall chiseled 8 inch biggo excites him😝

I suppose curvy wide hips big booty breastina does it for him too😭😭😭😭😭

I think he finds Namjoon and Jk's physique ideal and attractive as men. And if he's dating Jk then I see how that would be a problem for Jk.

For Suga, I think it's more of how Suga treats Jimin. He treats JM like someone would treat someone they loved. Jimin admires Suga a lot. For his intellect, for his passion- JM has a tattoo of Suga's words on his body. Let that sink in and then put yourself in JK's shoes.

Jimin may be evasive but when he admires someone he praises them a lot. He praises their physique ifm he finds that ideal or attractive or intellect if he admires their ingenuity. He keeps praising and admiring JK. He keeps admiring Namjoon for more than his physique- come to think of it he's shown considerable admiration for Suga, RM and Jk more so than the others.

The only time I've seen him admire V in any way sus is when he said Tae has a huge shlong. I suppose that's enough reason for anyone to Stan V😭 If I hadn't seen it myself I would have said my man's exaggerating but that thing is humongous😭😭😭😭

Moving on from V's shlong,

Between V and Jimin I frankly don't recall who influenced who. We know Jimin today to be the most emotionally vulnerable one who's able to connect emotionally with others but if memory serves me right, that used to be V🤔

He's the one most of the members felt emotionally honest with and comfortable with and the one they seem to suggest helped them gain confidence to be themselves emotionally.

I don't know. Sometimes I feel JM and V are the same person. Different sides of the same coin. Their soul mate shtick makes sense to me.

Talking of soulmates, I find it interesting Tae Talking about twin flames in his new song May be. He said he would release it in 10yrs but I'm itching to hear the whole thing NOW. A. It's a really deep good song. The lyrics are fire, the genre is on point

You told me you are my twin flame, Our colors shimmer the same, when the world is cold in the winter, we'll melt each other away.

I have to praise him for the emotional depth most of his sings have- it's everything I desire in a song. A song that speaks to the human condition and evoke such strong emotions and is very soulful. Bravo mate.

But isn't it interesting how he's switched from soulmate to twin flames and yet still evoke the same imageries of the moon the way he's done when writing songs inspired by Jimin?

Not only is his dick massive his voice is massive too😭

Sorry what was your question?

Ah, JK interrupting JMs ships.

I don't know what to tell ya. He's a hater🤣🤣🤣🤣

You should watch him finding all the excuses in the world as to why JM shouldn't collaborate with the members on a song but somehow had no objection when JM said he'd make a song with him😭😭😭😭

You know when he was younger and he was asked whom he would entrust his sister to out of the group he chose himself? He couldn't chose anyone even when most of them chose Jimin💀

That was his sister. Now imagine his partner 🤣

There's no over analyzing this. I think it's just his personality. And he's been consistent with it. Remember the Perilla leaf debate?

Personally I think some members deliberately avoided answering the question- or answered it the way they did bcos of Jungkook 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣🤣

When Tae said let's take turns I knew Jk was gonna throw a bomb and Jimin was gonna stutter 😭😭😭😭

And of course Namjoon and Suga will say they don't care- of course 😌

Cos if they did care then Jungkook would be vindicated won't he🤣

Ahhh Jimin- JM and his tiny, but why should it even matter if you're eating how would you even notice these things 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Boy's been traumatized straddling the line between the hyungs and the Maknae trying to explain to JK relax we are not flirting, relax he grabbed my balls don't mean I'm cheating. Meanwhile all JK seeing is them walking down the aisle in rainbow suits🤧

If everything we've been screaming on ship street wasn't making things clear, it's obvious from this clip alone the diverse views on boundaries that exist in the group.

It's clear, as I've been saying, JK has boundaries. Boundaries some members think is childish and ridiculous and so do not respect or adhere to which used to be a major cause of tensions within the group.

And for Tae to point out in support of Jungkook that sharing a chopstick or whatever those Perilla leaves were meant to signify was a sign of crossing boundaries should answer my question about him backing down when JK instills boundaries over JM with him but not so much when JM tries to instill boundaries with him.

It's double standard on Jms part and Tae is not the one. Do unto Jk what you want done unto you. If you think JK is childish for trying to instil boundaries with your friends what gives you the right to instill boundaries over JKs friends? Gotta love him. He's a no nonsense sort of person.

Now, we also understand why Namjoon stopped respecting JK's boundaries. It goes both ways.

When I tell you BTS has more drama and is better than the Kardashians whew🤭

Jungkook was the most gaslit member of the group. They constantly made him out to be this unreasonable possessive dude who couldn't keep his relationship a secret. Personally, I don't think a person's boundaries have to be negotiable. It's not something you negotiate on with them. And ridiculing them and calling their boundaries unreasonable and childish speaks to your own inability to take no for an answer which is generally toxic.

It's a good thing JM made his emancipation proclamation himself cos JKV and I were gonna have to break him free from the mold.

Okay bye I'm gonna watch it and akeke to myself again

Oh wait, your friend. I should say something nice- ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ha may the force be with you💜

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: I'm an ENFP, I'm 30 years old and I’m really needing to work on my self-confidence for me and for dealing with people. I’ve read in our blogs some posts that reinforce the importance of developing skills to have confidence. I think it's very legitimate.

In this process of learning new things, I often find myself in great difficulty and my inner child agonizes with insecurity. I look at friends who have confidence in themselves as something natural: confidence that they will learn, confidence in themselves, but unfortunately I am very unstructured (poor growth environment, without incentives), so I have a lot of difficulty trusting myself: especially being so inexperienced, clumsy and slow to learn everything.

What gets worse is being in environments where people don't have patience with beginners. Like now I'm living in a foreign country where people are very rude in the workplace. This hurts me a lot, because I have problems asserting myself and being respected. I discovered that they need rudeness to respect others. How to deal with this? Would I be able to impose myself without getting nervous and acting rude (as they usually have to do)?

And more, how can we learn from this situation? How can I be truly confident and also how can I simply demonstrate more confidence to make myself respected? I'm tired of conveying weakness. People don't value my sweetness it's not a good tool for me right now. How to develop self-confidence, at least start to demonstrate a little confidence and boundaries! And in the midst of this, the most important thing: how do you deal with such unpleasant people? Especially me being used to being such a sweet, "silly" person, always with my guard down, calm and considered weak by others.

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You seem to be talking about two issues that need unpacking separately: 1) personality, and 2) confidence.

You're having a personality clash with the people at work. Analytical psychology posits that personality clashes are disturbing because they remind you of negative things in yourself you dislike, so there is a need to go within to see what's really happening.

To be clear, I'm not denying that toxic people/environments exist. I believe your description and I would certainly dislike the workplace myself. The point I'm making is, when you have no choice but to be in that sort of environment, there are healthier ways to navigate it, but being judgmental about people is not a healthy way. Judgmentalness is a sign of projection, which is an unhealthy defense mechanism, see previous posts on the topic.

One basic thing type theory teaches us is there are different people in this world. Therefore, one must always begin with acceptance of differences, if one hopes to have healthy relationships in every realm of life. You've come to identify with the so-called "sweet" aspects of your personality. When you identify with one side of yourself, you tend to unconsciously valorize that side, otherwise, you might end up hating yourself. However, in the process of valorizing that side, you inadvertently end up denying, devaluing, dismissing, or denigrating its opposite. It's no accident that these "rude" people trigger you. They bring to light your unconscious self-rejections.

Workplace = professionalism. To succeed in any workplace, it's important to set a clear boundary between private and public. It isn't appropriate to use the workplace to hash out personal issues. E.g. It's not a place to play games about who you favor or dislike. It's not a place to seek validation to soothe your insecurities. I would even argue it's not a great place to seek friendship or companionship. When you bring the personal into the professional, you are more likely to create mess, drama, discord, and conflict. Of course, there are people who live for messiness. Ask yourself exactly what role you want work to play in your life and behave in accordance with those values/principles in every workplace.

When you describe yourself in mostly positive terms ("sweet") and describe other people in very negative terms like "rude", "impatient", or "unpleasant", there is a possibility that you are biased. Typism is a bias. It means you believe some personalities/traits to be superior or inferior to others. ENFPs typically hope to get along well with all sorts of people. If you hope for that, you need to eliminate typist thinking. This requires learning to always approach people in a neutral/professional manner, even when you dislike them at first. You don't know the full story behind people. Oftentimes, the majority of people in toxic environments are just like you, i.e., struggling to survive and doing whatever it takes to keep out of trouble.

When you approach people in a neutral/professional manner, you should adopt an objective perspective about them. Yes, you see their faults, but you shouldn't lose sight of their redeeming qualities. When you're being judgmental, you're likely to dismiss people whole-hog, unable to see their redeeming qualities. Being blind to the positive means you lose opportunities for improving the situation, which means losing hope, which means losing self-confidence as you feel more and more passive and helpless.

How about, instead of using the word "rude", call them "direct" or "candid"? Instead of "impatient", how about "efficient"? When you use more neutral language to characterize people, you reinforce the idea that every personality trait has its pros and cons. When you can finally visualize the upside, you can harness it to your advantage. This allows you to let go of negative feelings and focus on the work itself. Nobody is asking you to marry these people. All you have to do is work with them long enough to get stuff done. Keep your feelings to yourself and stick only to the facts. Once work is done, go home, put it out of your mind, and get on with the rest of your life. If there are things you need to learn to improve your performance in the workplace, spend time on self-improvement outside of work in order to speed up your progress.

.

With regard to confidence, when people bring up "lack of confidence", they often conflate several different concepts including: self-confidence, self-efficacy, self-esteem, and self-worth. It can be a complicated topic, so I'll elaborate on it for future reference. Some non-native English speakers have mentioned to me that their native tongue doesn't have direct translations for these four concepts, so beware that language might be a barrier for understanding them.

These four terms are relatively new in English as well; it wasn't until recently that they've started to filter down from academia into mainstream vocabulary. We know that these four concepts are distinct because, in the course of examining people who fall broadly under the category of "confidence issues", psychologists discovered that different people had somewhat different underlying processes happening, e.g., you could be good with one but struggle with the others. Of course, over time, how people use these terms in everyday language gets fuzzy, as the meaning diverges from the original academic definitions. I'll explain my understanding of them. You specifically mention learning issues, so I'll also connect to that.

I. SELF-CONFIDENCE arises from the degree to which you feel in control. If you 1) have good self-control, 2) feel as though you mostly have control over the direction of your life, and 3) feel as though you have enough control over your environment, then you're likely to feel self-confident. Thus, reflect on whether you feel some deficits in any of the above. There are things you can do to get a firmer sense of control.

Self-control is sometimes related to discipline, which means the ability to delay immediate gratification for a more important future goal. If you tend to be spontaneous, impulsive, or rebellious, then it's easy for you to lose sight of the bigger picture and it's hard for you to follow good learning procedures, which can easily derail your learning process. Some ways to improve your self-control over time:

improve your big-picture thinking so that you don't forget about your ultimate goal (through Ne)

learn the value of following good methods/procedures for achieving a goal (stop resisting Si)

structure your environment more intentionally to eliminate distractions/temptations and reward progress (tap into Te)

Having enough control over the direction of your life often relates to your ability to make good decisions. If you tend to be very emotional, indecisive, or easily overwhelmed by too much information, then it indicates you don't have a good system for processing the information required to inform your decisions. One way to improve your information processing ability is to improve your critical thinking skills. Critical thinking involves parsing information correctly, understanding its meaning, and systematizing information, in service of determining the best course of action (see past posts and recommended books). When learning, not being able to organize information and create feasible plans means slow progress.

Feeling a sense of control over the environment is often related to problem-solving skills. What happens when you meet a problem or challenge? Anxiety? Panic? Anger? Spiraling out of control? To have good problem-solving skills involves: deducing cause and effect, analyzing situations objectively, drawing valid conclusions, and generating good ideas and action-plans. Problem-solving is an important part of the critical thinking skills mentioned above. The process of learning is never completely smooth. You are bound to meet challenges and obstacles, so how do you address them? Self-confident people don't tend to focus on how they feel about problems, rather, they mostly focus on the problem itself and try to solve it as quickly as possible. When the problem is gone, the negative feelings go away.

II. SELF-EFFICACY arises from the degree to which you have faith in yourself, specifically your abilities. Efficacy means being able to bring forth an intended result (effectively) or reach an intended goal (efficiently). When you meet a problem/challenge, do you believe you have enough knowledge and skill to overcome it? If so, you have good self-efficacy. If not, do you believe, with enough dedicated learning and improvement, you can overcome it eventually? That is also good self-efficacy. In essence, it means you believe in yourself, with regard to possessing the resources or being able to obtain the resources necessary to succeed in reaching your goals.

Self-efficacy is sometimes related to competency and mastery. Being young and inexperienced, it's normal to have lower self-efficacy than someone older and wiser. In the learning process, it's important to have compassion for yourself and evaluate your progress fairly. Is the level of competency/mastery you expect from yourself proportional to the reality of your situation? If you haven't had many learning opportunities, through no fault of your own, then you shouldn't feel ashamed for being a bit "behind". This is NOT a personal flaw/failing that deserves punishment.

Note that "ahead" or "behind" are relative terms, meaning they can be understood from different perspectives, so are you using the right perspective? For example, are you evaluating yourself through your own eyes, through the eyes of your rivals, or through the eyes of an expert on the subject matter? Use fair and reasonable benchmarks/standards to measure where you are and where you should be. One reason people of any age suffer self-doubt is because they are too honest about what they don't know or can't do, to the point where they become dismissive of what they do know and can do. It's very important to be objective and balanced when assessing what you lack by also fully recognizing what you already possess or have achieved so far.

In my humble opinion, I believe people already possess everything they need to have good self-efficacy. Human beings evolved to be adaptable and that is largely how they have succeeded as a species. You have the capacity to learn and adapt to your environment. Get back in touch with it, have faith in it, and harness it as necessary. Instead of thinking there's only ONE WAY things should/must go, be more flexible and open to alternatives (use Ne).

III. SELF-ESTEEM refers to how you generally feel about yourself. This is usually related to the kinds of beliefs you have about yourself and the part they play in constructing your self-concept. The beliefs you have about yourself (e.g. about who you are and what you are capable of) are heavily influenced by your past experiences.

One of the most common signs of low self-esteem is negative self-talk. Observe the kinds of things you say to yourself in your head. Is it mostly negative, neutral, or positive? If it's mostly negative, how are you meant to feel good about yourself? People with low self-esteem say very nasty things to themselves that they would never dream of saying to others. Why the double standard? As a "sweet" person, you have empathy for others, so be sure to extend the same empathy to yourself.

An example related to learning: I've unfortunately known too many students to abandon a subject simply because one of their (jerkass) teachers told them they would never be good at it. The negative experience led them to form the belief that "they weren't meant to study it" and couldn't succeed even if they tried. Every time they encountered the subject, the belief would rise up and they'd talk themselves out of trying. Of course, watching themselves fall further and further behind through repeated failures made them feel worse and worse about themselves. Self-esteem can be damaged in a vicious cycle: By believing the worst of yourself, you aren't properly motivated to learn and improve, and then you meet failure after failure, which then confirms your negative beliefs about yourself.

One good way to tackle low self-esteem is cognitive-behavioral therapy. A cognitive-behavioral therapist is trained to bring to light your underlying beliefs (and how they interact with your feelings and behaviors). By bringing unrealistic beliefs into consciousness, you open up space to change them or adjust them to be better aligned with reality. Perhaps you need to reflect on the beliefs you have about yourself, regarding who you are/aren't, who you're supposed/not supposed to be, what you hope/don't hope to be, what you are/aren't capable of, etc. Are your beliefs attuned to your current reality? Negative past experiences don't have to dictate your future, but they will if you're unaware of how they still influence you today.

IV. SELF-WORTH refers to feeling "good enough", specifically whether you believe you are worthy of acceptance and love. When you're young, your sense of self-worth arises in large part from how you were regularly treated by the people around you. If you grew up in an environment where love was conditional, then your self-worth likely became tied to those conditions. For example, if your parents only show you love when you get As in school, it's likely that your self-worth will become tied to your academic performance and future professional success.

Self-worth can also be damaged in a vicious cycle. If you believe you aren't worthy of love, then you signal to others that it's okay to treat you poorly, which reinforces the idea that you aren't worthy. One common way people defend against low self-worth is to make themselves into something "better" or more "worthy" to their social environment, or to obtain something they can offer in exchange for social validation of their worth (e.g. wealth or status). This striving can lead to problems with overachieving, perfectionism, anxiety, depression, self-blame, or self-harm.

One common way to tell if you suffer self-worth issues is if you are often engaged in social comparison that leads you to envy people you deem somehow "superior" to you and/or feel shame about being "inferior" to them. If that's the case, it's likely that you need to correct some faulty thinking patterns:

Don't make illogical comparisons, such as comparing your first step against someone else's thousandth step. These kinds of illogical comparisons exacerbate feelings of unworthiness. You're inflicting pain upon yourself by thinking this way.

Don't be superficial and judge people only by their cover. Remember, you don't really know what someone went through to get where they are today. Perhaps if you knew the full story, their situation wouldn't seem very enviable at all. Maybe you want to play golf as well as Tiger Woods, but would you also want to give up your childhood and constantly suffer harsh treatment as he did?

Don't expect that every person should be the same, know the same things, have the same abilities, live the same life, etc. Respect individuality, which means allow for differences between yourself and others. Understand that everyone has their own path in life rather than believing everyone should conform to the same crude standard (i.e. avoid Te loop).

Do you desperately need everyone to like you or think you're great? Wanting the approval of toxic people is basically granting them power over you. Don't hurt yourself by trying to become something you're not just because someone triggered your insecurity. Insecurity is your problem, not their problem. It is the insecurity itself you need to face up to by reflecting on where it really comes from and what it says about your ability to accept and love yourself as you are (this is related to problems with Fi development in ENFPs).

What many people with low self-worth don't understand is that self-worth starts from within; it doesn't come from the people out there. When you're able to accept and love yourself and stand proud in who you are (without all those "conditions" that were imposed upon you earlier in life), you'll then be capable of teaching others to respect you. With healthy pride in yourself, it's far easier to be assertive, set boundaries, and advocate for your needs. Why? Because you firmly believe you matter, you have a right to the space you inhabit, you have a right to be yourself, and you deserve to be treated as an equal. It's also easier to ignore, dismiss, or eject toxic people when you finally realize that you don't need or want anything from them.

All four of these concepts relate to how you perceive and evaluate yourself, but from different angles. You mention feeling insecure, but which of the above gets closer to the root of the issue? It's important to be more precise about identifying the problem if you hope to come up with the right solution.

[pumpkzsafeplace]

anon questions 💌: agere & speach (the misconceptions of little talks!) one of the most popular questions i've gotten since i started this blog around five months ago was the comparison between how little talks & what the 'proper way' is. so here are some pumpkin's words of wisdom <3.

everyone is different! ⭐

if you're just getting into agere & into the agere community, it can be hard sometimes to find your footing. i've notice that a lot of people sometimes alter their regression & mirror other littles mechanisms that they see online because they think it's the 'certified little way' to act in. but that is completely false. no two littles are alike. yes, they may share some personality traits- but i can promise you they regress & act differently to one another. and that's completely okay! regression can be expressed differently, there is no set way to do it. so spend some time figuring yourself out & what makes you comfortable and stick to that! because it's your regression, not anyone elses. <3.

❀•°❀°•❀

little talk is valid! 🌙

if you're a little & do little talk or have a little voice then i'm here to say that you're completely valid. i know people who do tend to be a target for the vast majority of people outside the little community, which is heart breaking <3. just know, you will always be valid here & you are safe to regress and express it in anyway you want (as long as you follow and respect other peoples boundaries too!) <3. remember that there is nothing wrong with speaking little, it's just another unique attripute to your regression! <3

❀•°❀°•❀

stuttering & other add ons are valid! ⭐

stuttering & other add ones are completely valid too! <3. the reason i stand for it is because personally i tend to write how i talk. i used to get in trouble for it a LOT in school- so much to the point where my homework & essays had begun to get marked down. but it's just a personal habbit i can't shake. even writing blog posts, i write how i'd say them- so i understand little's point of view when they include stuttering in their messages. sometimes we just don't realise it, or see the issue <3. i know for others it can be annoying, but i doubt stuttering is coming from a place of hatred. it's just people expressing themselves how they would if they would talk to you in public <3. & i think it's perfectly okay <3.

❀•°❀°•❀

have no little text? that's completely okay! 🌙

this one i struggled with a lot when i first joined the community, because it seemed like everyone had this little way of texting expect me. through messages alone you can't detect my regression and it used to cause a lot of confusion with people & friends- and even made me feel like i was doing this whole thing wrong. but as i got more comfortable within my regression journey, i soon realised that it's okay not to sound the same as everybody else. thats just who i am & there is nothing wrong with that. both my regression & how i express myself is still valid, it's just a little different from the crowd. but when has different ever been bad? we're just unique hehe <3.

❀•°❀°•❀

little reminder! <3. ⭐

everybody is different <3 it's okay to not follow the same rules as others and to have your own unique & healthy dynamic. do what makes you happy! & be the little you want to be, heheh! <3.

gif isn't mine

[ciaossu-imagines]

Ikerev & Zombie Apocalypse?

Of course, anon dear! I'm so, so sorry this took forever to get back to you but if you're still reading, I hope you'll enjoy the headcanons I thought of for this AU!

Okay, so we're going into this with me forewarning everyone. By it's very nature, a zombie apocalypse AU is going to get dark, gritty, angsty, and probably a little fucked up and as I love getting the chance to get angsty and dark, you know things might get fucked up here and there with some of these headcanons. If that is not your cup of tea or something you think might bother you, it might be better for you to stop reading.

So now that we have that out of the way, if you're still reading, let's get this all started. So, in my head, this AU is less of an actual alternate universe. I still very much see this set in Cradle, with the same universe existing of Magic and the Magic Tower and the different armies. However, I don't see the armies as still really fighting each other - they are at peace and the Magic Tower, though definitely still shady as fuck and definitely still up to no real good, isn't thought of as an absolute threat. Everything seems good and peaceful and that's part of the real set-up of this AU.

So, to get to the real meat of this AU. So, everything is nice and peaceful. Life seems idyllic. But then things start to change. The Magic Tower, still headed by Amon Jabberwock, is doing what the Magic Tower always does - experimenting with the Magic Crystals, seeing what can be done with them. Their latest experiment is working with the crystals and humans to see if, by ingesting bits of the crystals and thus integrating them into the human body, they can enhance the boundaries of what a human body and mind can do. The experiments seem to be well-meaning, are sold as looking to find cures for aging, for disabilities, for anything bad that can possibly happen to a human body or mind. What they're really after, or at least what Amon wants them for, is to create his own army of superhuman soldiers to conquer Cradle, though not even his followers are really privy to that fact.

Too bad the experiments seem to be failing. Most of the humans experimented on are dying…and then things seem to change. Things start to appear to be going well and the Magic Tower rejoices and gets inspired to really test even further limits of the experiment. The long and short of it though - these new Crystal infused humans? They're super-strong, seemingly impervious to all harm except complete decapitation to sever the connection of brain and body, with superhuman senses…oh, and they all go insane. Like, their brain goes bad - all limiters are taken off and they start to act solely on impulses and basic desires instead of any rational thoughts or logic. They're extremely violent if threatened at all or if something stands in the way of one of their wants. They experience extreme hunger at points and if food isn't readily available….well, humans are a source of meat too. They crave sex, food, shelter, warmth, liquid. Some of them retain enough of their personalities to have cravings for things they especially loved before the experiments as well.

The worst thing? Though they start as mindless, they quickly seem to link up into some sort of hive-mind and they start enhancing their numbers. If they don't outright kill, they forcibly turn others into beings like themselves by forcibly feeding them crystals. If the person survives this, they join The Hive.

It starts in the Tower. Amon willingly joins The Hive, makes himself the Head of it. Dalim, being a Disciple of the Tower, is in this initial first attack by these creatures. Terrified and no longer trusting in Amon, Dum does do the right thing in the end and tries to ensure that the experiment dies in the Tower, that none of the infected escape the Tower. He helps get other Disciples out but unfortunately, he succumbs to an attack by several of the infected and gets forcibly recruited into The Hive.

The infected surge out of the Tower and it's not too long before the peace of Cradle is completely shattered and things become a full out 'zombie apocalypse'. The armies each do their best to fight The Hive and protect the citizens but still steadfastly refuse to join forces with each other until much later on in the story.

I see Jonah as being one of the first to die. It's not because he's not strong and more than a capable fighter. It's because he's just genuinely someone who doesn't have a lot of common sense. His death comes in the first wave of the infected out of the Tower. He chose bravery and doing his duty but, after seeing other soldiers downed and even seeing some be forcibly infected, his ego and lack of common sense really did him in and he gets slaughtered and eaten.

Though he'll last throughout most of the story, I do see Lancelot dying. It's his death that inspires the two armies to join forces and come together, actually. The thing is, as a magically strong person already, the Hive (and Amon, their leader) didn't want to kill Lancelot. No, they became almost obsessed with changing him, with making him a part of the Hive. Though Lancelot was strong and clever enough to hold them off for a long time, while saving someone else whilst in the midst of battle, he was left vulnerable for long enough to be force fed what was needed to ensure he would eventually turn. Though the only one who was aware of this was Kyle, who steadfastly maintained that they would find a way to save Lance, Lancelot knew what needed to be done. He told Sirius and Harr the truth of what had happened and begged his two best friends to do what needed to be done - to kill him.

Sirius was the one to actually end up doing the deed. He'd already lost most of his family and by that point, had seen enough other people die. He'd been so strong up until that point and he'd inspired so many people to keep going with his never give up attitude, his optimism that things would get better, and his hard work. But after that, after being forced to kill one of his oldest and dearest friends? He sure kept trying, so hard, but the fact of the matter was that after that, Sirius really started to give up. Another major story event really did him in and he almost recklessly charged into the next major battle with The Hive and was taken down. Those close by at the time said he seemed almost relieved as The Hive killed him.

That other major story event? It has to do with Harr. Harr was a Magic Tower Disciple who had abducted his position the second the Tower started experimenting on humans. It was just something Harr could not handle, could not get behind, so he left. He did his best to keep his eye on things with the Tower though, worried about what might happen. When the worst does happen, Harr feels immense guilt for not having done more to stop this from happening. He becomes obsessed with finding a cure for those infected, with stopping this with as little bloodshed as possible. Loki helps him, as does Kyle, who also becomes obsessive about finding a cure.

As the days and weeks go by though and they seem to be getting nowhere, Kyle starts drinking harder and harder and becoming more and more reckless in his efforts to learn more about the infected. He needs test subjects and by the time the armies manage to trap and transport an infected person to him, not only have they suffered major casualties, but the infected in question is normally dead as well. Kyle becomes tired of seeing people die and being helpless to stop it and he directly goes out into the field. Dead infected specimens aren't helping; he needs a live one and becomes bound and determined to get one. While trying to do so, Kyle gets captured and changed.

The newly infected Kyle is feral and attacks his former comrades, killing Loki. Between Loki's death and Kyle's change, combined with watching Sirius kill Lancelot just the day before, Harr cannot handle things anymore. It's too much and his brain just can't deal. Harr takes a dive, head first, from the place this all started - the Tower itself. He's dead upon impact with the ground, quick and painless, but dead nonetheless.

Because the idea, while horrible, was too delicious to resist…I really do see Dean being brutally savaged and beaten to death by his own infected brother. The sibling rivalry had carried over enough in the infected Dalim's mind for the need to kill his brother to be a major desire of his.

Now, I have always kind of headcanoned that Mousse has narcolepsy. Obviously he doesn't have a route so I don't know for sure if that is canonically true but I see that being his undoing in this AU. He gets infected in his sleep very early on in the story.

Oliver becomes very useful though. He devotes himself to making weapons and traps and fortifying buildings to become shelters. Though he doesn't go into battles himself and is very protected, he's such an important and integral part of everything.

I do see Edgar, Fenrir, and Seth becoming rather famous as front line warriors against the Hive. All or any of them alone become major targets of the Hive because of how many infected they take out and how integral a part of survival in this new world they become.

After Lancelot's death, Blanc and Ray become co-leaders, trying everything they can to gather and ensure the safety of all non-infected individuals. Blanc keeps an eye and really dedicates himself to ensuring the non-infected are safe and taken care of and that shelter, food, water, and basic needs can be met for everyone while Ray leads the more military side of ensuring continued life and safety for the survivors.

Zero ends up specializing in rescue missions, in getting groups of non-infected people to safety, and really ends up becoming Blanc's second in command. Luka, meanwhile, stays under Ray and does fight…Luka's biggest regret in everything though? That he couldn't save his brother. So he becomes foolhardy and reckless at times, taking risks he shouldn't, because to him, if he can save even just one more person…maybe that will take some of the guilt away, absolve him even a little. Even just a smidge.

[cosmichighpriestess]

Something I think narcissist abuse survivors should understand about narcissists is that, when you stand up for yourself because you know you are being controlled, gaslit and manipulated by them, understand the narc isn't controlling you because they want to take away your power. (I learned this from a self aware narcissist) unconsciously, unaware yes they do want that, but their negative, false huge ego feels like you are not taking their advice and what are you, stupid? From their lens you are going against the grain and they believe you are ignoring their great advice.

Why are you not taking their advice which they feel is right and the only way? Because they only see through their perspective, not yours. Because they're operating from their negative ego instead of their neutral ego. They barely have any empathy and compassion, if any because they don't take the time to understand you. They believe that you were not making the best choices for yourself. But you can see higher choices for yourself because you are most likely following your heart, not your ego. You are doing the best you can with what you've been given. They're projecting their own limiting beliefs and illusionary fears onto you that don't belong to you. So when you stand up for yourself some narcissists will actually respect you.

Not right away because their ego may be very triggered at first, but most of them will see you on their level soon because they look down on people who don't stand up for themselves and they look down on most people because they reject those parts of themselves in other people. Usually they are so disassociated from their reality that they don't even realize they are abusing you. And they are not at a high enough level consciously to have the ability to take accountability. They have an invisible social hierarchy they believe is true and they will actually begin to see you on their level of status when you stand up for yourself and they see that you have your own opinions and your own voice.

"Wow! This person has confidence and knowledge of their own, they are better like me, they are an elitist like me!" No, you are not. But that's what they think. They pushed you so far that you had no other choice but to get louder and defend yourself and your choices. So I would say, gray rock them (give them nothing) because their approval of you does not matter. Relationships are a very tricky thing. It depends on the narcissist you are dealing with. But say for example your narcissistic parent or partner, won't respect your boundaries because you haven't made them clear. Remember they usually won't respect your boundaries but at least try so you can get some space temporarily. Or you can give it to God like I do and go silent and naive on them. That actually works better than clearly setting boundaries in my case.

Give them one warning. " I don't identify with the identity you believe I am. I have changed and grown. I am a new person and I do not tolerate anyone telling me what to do. I have my own mind and my own voice. I respect others and respect their time, opinions and energy. I ask that you respect mine. My energy is very valuable to me. Even if I make mistakes I learn from them on my own. I take accountability for my actions. My personal business and problems are not yours to take on. If I need help or advice I will ask for it. But I will not let you disrespect me anymore, from this point on you are walking on thin ice. I will not speak to you anymore If you disrespect me again."

I would suggest you write this in a note. But if you have a physically abusive person around you, don't say anything. Just find a way to isolate yourself away from them so that you can reprogram your mind and beliefs and so that you can come to a place of acceptance of them. I've talked about this a lot on my blog before, but you have to change yourself if you want to see the change reflected outwardly. You have to shift your beliefs about the people in your life and forgive them everyday. That is the only way you will ever see them change.

But temporarily you need boundaries in order to heal yourself and reprogram yourself and old beliefs. Remember that beliefs are meaningless and you can replace them at any time, in the beginning you have to monitor your thoughts constantly and shift to positive thoughts. But overall shifting your vibration will make the biggest impact on your Earth version because you will become very exhausted constantly shifting your thoughts all day. One negative thought can't manifest.

So find a way to raise your vibration as much as you can throughout the day. Forgive yourself, surrender to the Universal forces and do nothing. Give all of your burdens to the Universe and let your higher self guide you and take the wheel by connecting with your higher self. Pet a dog, take a salt bath, call a friend, go for a hike, listen to high vibe music, treat yourself, watch funny movies, go for a walk and get a coffee, smile more, laugh more, do anything that makes you happy to raise your vibration, find a way to be happy where you are and be okay with what is happening even if it's not what you prefer.

Be okay with what is happening. Come to a place of acceptance for these people and forgive yourself for allowing it for so long and creating the experience unknowingly from unconscious negative beliefs, please forgive them, yourself and you will see them shift and change because by then you will have shifted to another parallel reality where they are not controlling you and hurting you unconsciously anymore. I love you, I hope this helps. 🙏

[22degreehalo]

The more I think about it the more I'm just. obsessed with aroace Yuno!!!!

Like c'mon... 'The wanted wanting the wanter /isn't that just too perfect?' She's not doing this compensated dating because she needs the money or has any huge past trauma, there's something else attracting her: it's that normal relationships feel so fake and dishonest (meanwhile even if her clients get feelings for her, it's not her fault because she was upfront that this is a transactional thing) and with these types she can have full control of what goes on and when and where and why!!!

Which is Also making me think of. Complicated slightly fucked up Yuno+Kazui friendship.

And FIRST OF ALL I'm. very new to this fandom and haven't read Most of the drama CDs hahahaha so this is just my first impression BUT

so she approaches him early (i have no idea if any of this is canon im sso sorry this is just what I want. right now.) because guys like him are common clients (either bc they're divorced and lonely or want to feel young again or whatever) but he's just easygoing abt it but Firm No. ('I'm old enough to be your father.' 'Haha, yeah? Isn't that the point?') And genuinely doesn't seem interested which is kinda annoying but whatever.

So she kinda tries or or two approaches with him, like playing the more sexy role of her second MV, but still he's not giving Anything back At All, and honestly it's weird that she's even trying this hard? Normally it's the other way around??? Like it's not like he can even pay her in here so.

She stews a bit and wonders if she does genuinely have feelings for him finally which'd be both annoying and a relief, and honestly it just Fits that that'd be how these things go lmao that she finally has real legit feelings for a guy with no interest in her. (And Mahiru is probably super excited about it bc this is early when she's still perky and happy and wanting to push them together.)

Maybe at some point Kazui does admit that he feels lonely without someone physically there with him to touch and be close to. So Yuno finally gets him to lie in her lap or vice versa or whatever. But it feels sorta weird. And he gets a bit somber. And wonders aloud if this is what it would've been like to have a daughter.

And she just. Gets up and leaves.

She's had guys say stuff like that before. Sometimes cause they pitied her and wanted to 'save her', which was frustrating, and she'd cut them off immediately. Usually because it was some kinda fucked-up incest roleplay, which she enjoyed; more than most roleplays, actually. The sweet lovey-dovey rps are okay but kinda false and make her feel weirdly guilty; the more messed up ones, she can relax in. Fucked up familial relationships, fucked up romantic relationships: what's the difference?

But Kazui actually meant it. No ulterior sexual or compassionate motives.

She apologises later saying that it's because they never hashed out their red flags or what the scene would be about, but she's the professional here and she didn't make sure that happened so it's her bad. And he just seems to accept that, and says he doesn't want to overstep her boundaries. And seems to mean it.

There's some commonality between them. A willingness to hold themselves back. To not talk about things that people don't want to talk about. This dance of fake affection, until it's impossible to tell what one's true feelings are anymore.

She likes having her relationships set out in clear words, without the actual emotional honesty of having to delve into her own psyche. But now she sort of wants to share things with him, and she has no idea what to do with that. And on his side, he senses some similar circumstances between them, but he still isn't yet able to be honest about what he knows about himself deep down. But maybe if he was, he could talk to her.

There's some talk abt sex among the prisoners. These two are expected to have the most experience, but she's kinda like 'sex is okay. It feels good and it's a means to an end.' And he's weirdly mysterious about it all but claims that his perspective is closest to hers, which confuses everyone else.

And............somehow from that they end up being able to have a conversation about Not Wanting What Society Wants You To Want and the weird relationships you have with all that and the ways you do or don't get what you Actually want, an d it's all very good and meaningful but idk I haven't thought that far yet hahahaha that's as far as I got before I had to type it all up :')))

[orizukuin]

What do you think of Charlie and Mike? Liek, how do see them separately and them being together?

Hi! Great question! Haha! So I'll be honest with you!

In comes with seeing them as individual characters : 

To Charlie, when the first time I saw them (UWO: CHAPTER 5) I already knew this character would grow on me in a way that I won't stop talking about them 24/7 ((Shout out to my Girlfriend who will hear me- talk about Charlie non-stop at most random times..)) 

I do think Charlie is a Fun character during those times. And what I adore about them the most are the expressions throughout the game (UWO) there's just something into it that pulled me into liking Charlie more than the others (probably because of how crazy they look)- Finding CIU in the Play Store is gives me excitement as I started saying stuff like: "Ehh?? there's a part two?? no way" and of course like every simple minded person- I installed it (lmao) 

Finishing the game, I felt that the game had more holes that needed to be covered. But later on, I found out that the game was rushed due to the contract being over, so it's understandable- I'm just thankful that the game was released and not canceled, haha! 

But anyways!!! CIU honestly showed me another side of Charlie that I never truly expected. Knowing that side of Charlie just made me love their whole character even more ((even other players not very fond of it)) 

And to Mike: 

Oh, Mike that silly-looking boy. At first, I never really paid attention to him like every other person does since he probably only had 10?) or a bit more dialogue. But he soon grew on me as I kept replaying the game to get the other endings alongside the other achievements, which came with the Fanarts of him and Charlie together. ((those fan arts pushed me so now my entire works only revolve around them, not that I'm complaining or anything:]]] ))

In full honesty. I feel bad about what happened to him like Broo got one of his eyes taken out! it probably confused the crap out of him since neither of them expected it to happen- and I bet it hurt like a b*** 

((i know,since i almost got one of my eyes taken out by my nephew during my 13's the knife tip didn't meet my eye and i am glad that get to dodge it- but still side of my eye still bleed so not Gucci))

Overall I view Mike as an interesting character whom we need information other rather than "Charlie's friend" not to mention.

We also need a piece of information as to what might happen to him after the Eye-stabbing incident. He's friendly towards other students. He is your typical Social Butterfly. I swear he has the energy of that college senior who will approach a lost Freshman then them out on the whole campus and later check up on them during the first week.

And to the question of how I more likely see them together :

Charlie and Mike are together like a pair you'll never expect to work. Both have their strengths and weaknesses but can still make things look easy. Let's put it away like they are doing a collaboration project together. Who knows? They can defend the whole research together or by themselves as if precisely doing it isn't all nerve-wracking.

However, if you meant that question as "both in a romantic atmosphere" 

Then I can tell you how Charlie and Mike won't realize their growing feelings. Mike will probably catch into it one day, as a sudden realization hits him that leaves to say something like:  "Holy F- I'm catching feelings for Charlie-Charlie..."  out of the blue.

However, he would most likely push those feelings aside. He knows to himself that Charlie doesn't need to be with anyone else who needs the teen to be in a romantic setting. He might never say it by word. Mike respects his friend's boundaries and is careful towards the teen, always checking if Charlie's all right with doing things that are out of the teen's personal preferences. 

They are taking things slow since Charlie doesn't like fast turns and somewhat still needs to get used to slowly opening themself out to the world. 

For Charlie, if they realize. I guess it will take them a long to come to terms with it and most likely keep it to themselves like Mike's since they aren't sure if the feelings are true or if it is just a mutual thing since it is only Mike who put an effort into knowing and understanding them.

((I think they can be great in a slow-burn side of writing))

That's all of it! I hope I gave you the answer you're looking for Anon! 

[dear-mrs-otome]

(Oh god Alfonse with the mysterious second man... or that event where Jude has to step in to prevent Roger from... yeah) This isn't a yuck anyone's yum thing, I just want it to be called what it is is all. For, y'know, safety and comfort reasons so people know what they're getting into. Especially when MC says "no" several times before finally giving in because the suitor (coughElliscough) refuses to stop. It really scares me that some readers think that counts as consent. It's cool if that's your kink but like... remember to have a safe word and talk that sort of thing through with a partner before trying it in real life, folks

I agree in that I don't want this to be a yuck someone's yum. What does it for one person won't for another and that's absolutely okay. I'm also a firm believer that cybird has the right to make whatever style of game they want...and to be fair, there are certainly characters in the game who don't seem to fall into this camp.

My concerns are twofold: the first mainly lies in making sure that people are able to know in advance what a route may contain in a narrative genre where people often identify so personally with the protagonist. I think that cybird has begun that endeavor with some of their content warnings in English... but on occasions it falls woefully short, so I am always glad for fans making others aware - with the caveat that what sets one person off will absolutely not always set another. I think it's most useful not for people to say 'SUCH AND SUCH CHARACTER IS AWFUL BECAUSE THEY DO X' and turn things into judgement than it is to clearly delineate what happens and let people decide for themselves if that is beyond the pale - for them - or not.

Secondly, my concern lies in the industry as a whole forever conflating 'dark' with SA. That the easiest way to mark a character as a Bad Boy is to have him assault the MC. That I feel is a shortcoming on writers and frankly a bit lazy (although there's an entire thing to be written somewhere, certainly by people far smarter than me, about conflating rape/assault fantasies with a culture where women/othered feel less free to express their own sexual desire BUT I DIGRESS) I do give Ikevil props for allowing their suitors to do other equally shocking things though, and allowing them other means of expressing their 'villainy'. At the end of the day I suppose we do have to remember that the game isn't called 'Ikemen Heroes' and so the warning is somewhat right on the label. 😂

I think conversations like this are important though too. I'm less worried about people perceiving something as consent or applicable to real life, because I do believe that almost everyone is able to draw a clear line between fantasy and reality, but I also think that makes it even more important to have discussions outside of that media where we pick it apart (lovingly) so that we can reinforce that boundary. Variety is not only the spice of life but it also gives us more context with which to frame our own patterns of thought.

Whew I really didn't mean for that to turn into a whole Thing, but thank you for the ask Nonny 🥰 I hope we're all looking forward to a (well-warned) launch of a fun new game!

[gracegrove]

I know for a fact that Neil Hargrove is that parent that would keep Billy from a therapist's office unless he was court-mandated or services involved.

But once Neil Hargrove is in your office he becomes the "just fix my kid" parent. Hands off. Uninvolved. This isn't his fault. It's all just his kid's problem.

Neil would most likely be at the appointment in an agitated state. Talking in flat tones. Everything would be framed as something that Billy struggles with or needs to do better with. Billy would be completely shut off, arms crossed, most likely looking at his shoes or out the window. Not disagreeing. Present, but not present.

This is where I become the therapist that Neil would despise and not understand why his kid likes me. He'd be the parent that wants to do all the talking during the appointment while their kid tries to shrink themselves so small as to become one with the chair. The kid clearly doesn't want to be there. They want to be invisible. They want to leave ASAP.

I would put that man on the spot and during intake when he's telling me all the things he thinks are wrong with Billy, I'd say, "It sounds like you have a lot of concerns about your child. That's understandable. ... Can you tell me some things that Billy does well? What are his strengths?" I want that man to say and acknowledge that.

I would also directly address Billy. I'd ask Billy all the questions about himself I know he can answer (and answer without things getting awkward), and that Neil can be present for, but doesn't need to answer. "Can you tell me what school you go to? Do you like it there? What do you like to do in your free time? Can you tell me what your friends are like?" If Neil cuts him off to answer or tries to correct Billy's answer, I'll set an expectation. A boundary. "Please let Billy finish, then I'll hear what you have to say." And depending on how quiet Billy is during the intake, I might even separate them so that Billy could have the space to voice his own concerns and speak more freely.

Just to annoy Neil, I would also insist on monthly check-ins with the family as a whole, which he would need to attend.

Billy would probably become a favorite client, between you, me, and the wallpaper.

[northern-passage]

hi, i don’t mean this to be rude at all just genuinely wondering how you’re going to approach nsfw content with your nonbinary characters? i’m just curious since you’ve never revealed agab (which i totally respect that) and i’ve done the same with my own nb ROs.

i assume this is about nsfw art? i've done snippets for Clementine before, and i've always kept it vague for them (and same with Noel, since xe was gender-selectable at the time)

this is something i've thought about a lot and have talked to various people about since i've started tnp; i've always been pretty adamant about not discussing agab on the blog, and that's not going to change with this. i have a no nsfw policy almost entirely because of the way the IF community interacts with & talks about trans and nb characters, and while it has improved slightly in the last year, it's still not something i'm going to entertain. to be frank, i find people asking for agab/discussing agab in this context (anonymously on tumblr dot com), even about fictional characters, to be really weird and rude.

i don't really think it adds anything to announce a character's agab in that way, and personally for the stories i write i always want it to be something that comes up in-game between the player and the character, because it gives the character some agency and (this is entirely a personal opinion) as someone who is nb myself it makes me feel that, as an author, i am conveying to readers that this is not information you are Entitled to, not in real life and not even in fiction. you have to get to know this character, and even then, they are not required to share this very private thing with you. obviously i do understand the appeal in announcing if your characters are trans, and i understand it makes it easier for people who are looking for trans inclusive games to find them that way - this is just my personal opinion about it, and why i don't specify that kind of thing in my character descriptions or intro posts.

at this point, though, with the plans i have for the game and the sexual content i want to include, it's obvious that it's not exactly realistic of me to keep it vague. it's going to eventually come up in game, in the intimate scenes i have planned for everyone. i didn't expect that i would ever even be writing those kinds of scenes, which is also part of why i set that boundary about my nb characters to begin with (this game wasnt even 18+ at the start). but i've got more comfortable with that now, and it's something i'm actually looking forward to.

i've debated a lot about this, especially after i released the siren's call demo and posted art of Rome on that blog and immediately had people in my inbox misgendering them and calling them a man - it really frustrated me in particular that just giving the slightest bit of facial hair made people act like that... they aren't perfectly androgynous, and suddenly people felt comfortable disregarding their identity and straight up misgendering them.

however, i don't think the answer to that is to just remove all sex characteristics from my nb characters... that's silly and isn't actually addressing the problem (i'd argue it's making it worse) plus there's already a prevalent misconception when it comes to nb people and How they are expected to look and dress, with most people assuming certain things that directly harm the more vulnerable members of our community. nb people can look any way they want, and they're still nb. it's ridiculous to expect androgyny, and it's ridiculous to expect nb people to be "vague." but i also think it's ridiculous to expect Anyone to disclose personal, private information about themself, no matter how they present... and with Clementine and Noel being fictional characters, they can't really "decide" what they want for themselves.

sorry this has turned into a bit of a tangent, but basically my thoughts on all of this now is... it's Complicated. lmfao. i know a lot of people especially liked how i've handled Clementine up to this point, and i understand if people are disappointed with this potential change. i've also had a lot of people that have really liked my snippets and depictions of Merry - whereas with Clem i was always vague, i've been far more explicit with Merry.

i think, particularly with Merry, she has shared with the player that she is trans & potentially has already had an intimate encounter with the hunter. Lea, too, is very close with the hunter and they are both intimately familiar with each other, whether they like it or not. obviously we know Clem and Noel are trans as well, but the difference is that they have not disclosed certain things with the hunter like Lea and Merry have, if that makes sense. this is also why i preferred to keep things vague with those two specifically - again, i like giving that bit of agency to the characters, and we have a long way to go in-game before Clem or Noel are close enough to the hunter to want to share that information.

for the record i do think it's weird to treat it like some Big Deal that *gasp* Clem and Noel have genitalia! it's not something that needs an announcement. but i hope this at least explains my thinking & why i've done things the way i have up to this point, and why i've changed my mind slightly.

my plan now, with the nsfw art aspect, is that i may post an occasional tasteful nude of some of my characters on patreon. and that's it. it's not going to change how i do anything else, and this doesn't change anything about either Noel or Clem.