#wheeee that got long

[pukefactory]

Hiiiii, are you open to writing about ENA from Dream BBQ? If so, could you please make a request for an ENA x female reader who is simply too rich? I imagine ENA being poorly compensated for her work, it would be nice to see her with someone who buys EVERYTHING she wants LOL

•☽────✧˖°˖ RICH AS ROCKAFELLA ˖°˖✧────☾•

★ Summary: A Compilation Of Headcanons Featuring Salesperson ENA X Rich Female Reader

★ Character(s): Salesperson ENA (ENA: Dream BBQ)

★ Genre: Headcanons, SFW

★ Warning(s): None - Completely Safe!

★ Image Credits: @JoelG

☆ ENA showed up to your marble-laced home like a disgruntled delivery driver who didn’t realise the customer was the CEO of everything. “Whose plushie is this? Why is it shaped like ME?!” You bought it from a shady seller for two hundred Fatty Catty’s. Meanie shrieked, clutched its deformed yarn eyes, and then threw it off the balcony. You bought three more. She said she hated you. Then asked if the pink one had velcro hands.

☆ “Am I a kept woman now?” she asked one evening, curled upside-down on your chaise lounge like an emotionally unstable banana. You had no answer, mostly because your mouth was full of strawberries and she had eleven shopping bags in her hands. “Oh look! You got me the silly shoes with the teeth on them! I could just chomp-chomp-chomp communism into dust with these bad boys—WHEEEE!” She kicked a lamp. You didn’t care. You said you’d buy her another pair of shoes. She groaned, blushed (maybe?), and muttered, “You… moron. You know I like when you spoil me.”

☆ The moment you replaced her broken megaphone with a custom, titanium-plated, LED-rimmed one that shouted “WHERE’S THE BOSS?!” in six languages that probably weren’t real. Something cracked. Not in the megaphone. In her soul. “I…I don’t know what to do with this level of support,” ENA mumbled, holding the glowing abomination like a newborn child. “Do I… threaten the bourgeoisie with it? Or just… marry you?! Don’t answer that. I-I’m not asking, I’m… conducting a consumer survey.”

☆ You bought her a bathtub shaped like the Boss’s severed head. She screamed. Not because she hated it. Because she loved it too much and it made her soft. “You’re playing a dangerous game,” she hissed, the Salesperson side flickering with manic light. “One more act of devotion and I might start trusting people again. You wouldn’t like that.” Later, you caught her gently patting the tub like it was a horse.

☆ Sometimes ENA would stomp into the room in her full Meanie persona, shouting things like, “WHO AUTHORISED THE PURCHASE OF A GOLD LEAF TOOTHBRUSH?!” Then you’d raise a hand. “…Oh. Well. Bless you for your business.” Then she’d mutter under her breath, “You’re either an angel or an economic mistake.” She used the toothbrush. Twice. It’s now in a glass case labelled “Artefact of Love (and tax evasion?)”

☆ Meanie tried to complain about being pampered. Really, she did. “I’m a working anomaly! A girlboss disaster! I hustle in the face of cosmic dread!! I don’t need…a wallet made of albino alligator leather??” And yet. Three days later, she was colour-coordinating it with her socks. “Shut up,” she grumbled. “Let me be cringe and frivolous in peace.”

☆ After a long day of yelling at doors and accusing clouds of conspiracy, ENA came home to a fully automated massage throne, two robot hands, and a butler who only spoke in haikus. Meanie stood there, vibrating with tension. “…Is this a trap? Is this how rich people imprison weird creatures?” You offered her a glass of rosewater and a scented napkin. She sat down. “If I die,” she warned, “bury me in glitter and lawsuits.”

☆ Your security team reported her sneaking out at 2am to shout at a vending machine. “WHY WON’T YOU TAKE MY FUNNY MONEY?!” You installed a vending machine that only accepted her voice. She cried. “I’ve been given the world’s first emotionally intelligent snack dispenser. You’ve broken me. Do you want a hot dog?” You said yes. It was soggy and full of love.

☆ She started staging dramatic breakdowns whenever you tried to pay for something in front of her. “NOOOOOO! Let ME be the breadwinner this once! I can offer you a coupon! I found it in the trash!!” You let her try. She handed a ratty piece of paper to a luxury clerk. “…Ma’am, this is a ticket to a cursed ballet.” “SEE?? I’M CONTRIBUTING!!”

☆ The day you bought her an island shaped like her own polygonal head, she collapsed to her knees and screamed into the ocean, “YOU INSANE GIRAFFE OF A WOMAN! WHY?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?!” You said it was because she deserved everything. She stared at you for a long time. Then whispered, “No one’s ever…invested in my madness before.” She kissed you. And then asked if you could install a water slide shaped like the Bathroom.

[queen-simia]

now that ep 4 is live to the public, I can finally post what I've been sitting (and spinning) on for like a week, wheeee!

Major Monkey Wrench spoilers abound, so putting below a cut if you haven't yet seen the latest episode. And if you haven't seen it (or the rest of the series), you can do so here:

now ON TO THE INFODUMP

Shrike's status

so, since the beginning, I've been putting all my money on Shrike being an artificial being. Not in the sense of robotics/cyborgs and the like, but in the sense of a one-of-a-kind bioengineered creature. Since he was confirmed as an endling (as opposed to just hinted at in past episodes), I'm choosing to take that as a bit of reinforcement; his species is still marked as "unknown" by LAW, and if no one knows what you are and you're the only one they've ever seen, it's safe to assume they assume you're the last of whatever you are.

now, in a leap on my part, I'm further going to postulate that Shrike is actually an engineered squid. As in an honest-to-god Earth cephalopod, albeit in the same sense you can call a human a monkey. I think that maybe our boy Shrike is the end result of years-long genetic modification and breeding programs to create something closer to human shape and intelligence, but with whatever attributes his human creators wanted from squid...

...maybe attributes like producing ink.

"that's stupid, what makes you think that?" Glad you asked, Strawman! Here's what I'm drawing from:

Scratch's nicknames for Shrike

As much as these can be considered throwaways, Zeurel and Ash have been very good about sneaking in foreshadowing in dialogue. I don't fully think Scratch is calling Shrike "squidhead" just to be antagonistic (though in-universe, he certainly is; I doubt the character himself in canon has that kind of insight); I'm choosing to believe it may be a bit of a Chekhov's gun.

Shrike's design inspiration

In Tumblr ask replies, Zeurel's confirmed Shrike's design is based heavily on Humboldt squid, and he finds cephalopods and deep-sea life in general interesting. It's going into meta rather than narrative precedent, but I think for these reasons, having Shrike actually be an ascended squid wouldn't be that far out of the blue.

Shrike's terran connections

It's been established that Earth no longer exists, and what humans remain are persona non grata in LAW space. They're the reason behind the Cataclysm/the creation of Secondary Green, and what artifacts remain are traded on the black market (as implied by Scratch and Jaw Bone dealing in them, neither of whom are exactly upstanding citizens).

Yet somehow, Shrike speaks primarily in a canonically dead Earth language—Latin Spanish—and thinks highly of terrans/terran culture. He apparently is the only being in LAW space who does both. One could argue he picked up Spanish through exposure to contraband as a LAW officer, but even his translated speech is Spanish-accented. That to me is a clue it's his native language, as opposed to one picked up later in life. Maybe he doesn't speak it all that well, but it's what he learned as he grew up.

I believe that Shrike's interest in terran artifacts isn't so much fannish as it is nostalgic, though he doesn't realize it (yet). Remember, we don't know his true age—he's only estimated to be in his mid- to late 20s. He could very well be several decades or even 800+ years old, and for reasons yet unknown he isn't aware of it. Hell, he knows what VHS tapes are and how to watch them, something present-day kids are unfamiliar with right now. Even if he was treated as only a scientific specimen in his youth, something about Earth/its people may have been warm and familiar enough to endear terran mementos to him. But it's now too far gone in the past for him to remember why exactly he loves them so much.

Shrike got no dick

(originally posted to Twitter before the Shittening)

Canonically, the boy is Ken-doll smooth both front and back. Even though he has a gender (Questionably Masc™), he has no sex. Maybe his species could reproduce asexually, but it's pretty unusual for complex bipedal critters to do that. Plus, there's the fact that no peehole and no butthole also mean no bodily waste excretion, which is pretty much a death sentence for most life forms that run on metabolic processes. Therefore, I'm taking all these as artifacts of Shrike's artificial creation (and not just so it's more difficult to make show-accurate porn of him).

The Primaries, LAW, and Secondary Green

So there are three godlike beings that ostensibly also serve as the basis for government, referred to as the Primaries. Only one has been directly referenced as active in LAW government—Primary Red—but given the colors of the three LAW divisions, one can safely assume there must be a Primary Yellow and Primary Blue (whether they also govern, are off doing something else, or are AWOL is a mystery for now). It also just so happens that interstellar travel takes place in subspace pathways in the same colors as the Primaries (with varying speed depending on color), and spacecraft is fueled by "ink" in those corresponding primary colors.

It's also revealed in a news chyron in ep 4 that an intergalactic-capable drive had been in development (and had been stalled by bureaucracy) for at least 20 years, and is now ready to deploy. It's referred to as a Trinity drive, and required Primary Red's approval before it could officially launch. I think it's pretty safe to assume it's a form of propulsion that combines all 3 colors, however the in-universe physics work in that case. At the moment, it's been shown that using the wrong type of ink in a color drive will cause an explosion and a tear in space at best (at worst, we don't know yet), so whatever science went into developing a drive that combines colors must have been fairly dangerous (or potentially threatens to weaken whatever power the Primaries hold over LAW citizens).

Secondary Green

Background details are vital lore sources in Monkey Wrench. If you paid close attention near the beginning of ep 1 (and can easily read backwards text), you already know what's in the box the boys pick up in ep 2: something called "Secondary Green." It was evidently once in Chester's possession, but by the time Kara caught up to him, he'd already sent it on its way to LAW.

The second and third episodes refer to the Cataclysm being caused by terrans. The third episode explains the green corruption's effect on life forms, and LAW subsequently quarantining it to prevent its spread. It also shows Secondary Green corrupting the bit of Them that gets too close into the horrific black-green monster that overtakes the Bucket. The fourth ep has Jaw Bone directly refer to the terrans' "false idol" in reference to the Cataclysm.

While I was typing later paragraphs, I hit upon a possibility I hadn't even considered for what Secondary Green could be. So now, I've got 2 potential reads:

1. Secondary Green was the humans' attempt at recreating the Primaries' power for themselves. Whether this was to undermine LAW or to try to join the galactic stage at the Primaries' level has yet to be seen, but either way, it ended up biting humanity in the ass. Secondary Green and/or a byproduct of it/its creation ended up destroying Earth and a good chunk of its neighboring Milky Way space, and landed whatever humans remain squarely on LAW's shit list.

Now, those of you who remember me from pre-2018 Tumblr also know I'm pretty heavily into Mass Effect. That universe's version of the Milky Way also was governed by an alien-run coalition: the Citadel, which tightly controlled the means to interstellar travel (although the Citadel species did not create these means, they just found and activated them first). Thus, the similarities to the idea of a three-pronged alien government holding the keys to interstellar travel and commerce and forcing you to play nice if you want in have been resonating in the back of my mind whenever I watch Monkey Wrench.

The similarities end in that MW's answer to the Protheans are still very much alive and active, and are directly overseeing galactic travel, commerce, and government. There aren't established mass relays, but every ship contains its own "relay" in the form of ink drives. These can open portals into respective colors of subspace to get from one side of the galaxy to another faster than conventional propulsion (so far, red is the fastest, and blue seems to be the median speed everyday schmoes like our boys can access). And, most importantly, the means of this travel are less an external technological development and more appear to be tied to the nature of the Primaries themselves; these beings are not just obeyed, but worshiped (see Scratch's oaths in ep 3 and the red officer greeting Shrike and Armstrong exchange in ep 4).

However, there are still two very important similarities between these two settings that I think should be kept in mind:

i. Trouble started when humans started sticking their fingers into the galactic government's pie. In Mass Effect, it was shoehorning Shepard into the Spectre program and wriggling humanity's way into the Citadel Council. In Monkey Wrench, it was messing with fundamental forces it didn't yet understand and (maybe) creating human-made Great Value primaries, which resulted in at least one: Secondary Green.

ii. Control over interstellar travel—specifically, access to subspace—is a cornerstone of power. In Mass Effect, you need a specific form of reactor in order to engage the mass relays and "cheat" your way to FTL travel. These relays are heavily guarded and regulated by the Citadel; humanity famously learned this when it activated Relay 314 near Pluto and got a knock-knock from the police in the form of a turian armada. In Monkey Wrench, you need to equip specific color drives and fuel up at ink stations, which presumably are subject to LAW regulation and pricing.

In both settings, Earth appears to have taken a look at the galaxy already being run by someone else and immediately thought, "but how do I get around this?"

Engineering Secondary Green was MW Earth's answer to this question. Unfortunately, it backfired and drove humanity to (functional) extinction and criminal status.

2. Secondary Green is an unintended fusion of Primaries Yellow and Blue. This would explain their current-day absence (provided they don't directly appear in later episodes), and the subsequent fall of LAW enforcement into disorder that Armstrong alludes to in ep 4. Humanity was up to something that attracted the Primaries' attention—perhaps tapping into pocket dimensions, like the one embedded in Shrike's head?—and maybe things went awry. One way or another, Primaries Yellow and Blue's intervention ended in them fusing into a new anti-entity, Secondary Green. Instead of fostering life, their combined and imbalanced power corrupted it.

Left to their own devices (and likely hawkish methods, given Red oversees enforcement), Primary Red sealed off Earth's part of the galaxy and declared humanity LAW's enemy. The quarantine for justifiable safety/life preservation reasons, the outlawing likely to create the narrative that humanity was entirely to blame and not at all any fault of Primary interference (and maybe some vengeance for losing their comrades).

Or maybe, Red is covering their tracks.

LAW and Order

So the League of Aligned Worlds (LAW—yes, it's an acronym) is the current empire ruling civilized space in the Milky Way galaxy, under direct command of the Primaries (or at least Primary Red). There are three established branches: enforcement/military (red, which Shrike was once and has since defected from), science (yellow, which Dr. Agness impersonated), and commerce (blue, as represented by Killix and Sixty-Two, who appear to be led by an as-yet unseen Commander Tezzoree).

Being a centralized civilization, LAW has certain cultural and legal standards it expects its citizens to observe. Commerce and community are enabled by way of implanted universal translators á là Star Trek, but with one specific caveat: swearing is not allowed. It's so not allowed that it's physically punishable through painful translator auditory feedback—interestingly, people in earshot get punished this way as well just for hearing it.

Maybe it's a form of socialization, in that LAW hopes you're nice enough not to want to hurt your fellow citizens by swearing? Or that your fellow citizens, having had pain inflicted on them, will browbeat you into compliance? Either way, it's a window into current LAW space being severely authoritarian in both the moral and legal senses.

This extreme authoritarian approach doesn't prevent corruption, however. Corporate lobbyists exist, as demonstrated by Chester in ep 1, and LAW officials patronizing vice industries like sex work (see the end of ep 3) is not unusual. And current LAW is disorganized to the point of each division being largely ignorant of what's going on in the others: Neither Killix nor Sixty-Two were aware Shrike is a defector, nor do they bat an eye at him admitting as such. Armstrong is able to impersonate a red officer with either stolen or purchased equipment, and even he's astonished that LAW keeps such loose tabs on itself that they still have Shrike registered as an active officer. Dr. Agness is able to get away with impersonating a LAW scientist, and the LAW representatives who collect her don't appear especially ruffled by it.

It's possible that this rigid adherence to authority and subsequent breakdown in the ability to enforce it is due to Primary Red being the only Primary left. The harder you clench your fist, the more sand slips through your fingers, and all that. However it happened, Red is at the moment the only one at the wheel, and they don't seem to be able to keep it together on their own.

aight, so where's this leave us

so for now, I think these are where we may be headed:

a: Shrike was genetically engineered to be in the running as a peer to/defense against the Primaries, but aligned with Earth. He has a means to access a pocket dimension/subspace, could possibly be a source of ink (either as secretion or in the form of his blood), is an exceptional marksman, and possesses anthropomorphic form and (allegedly) intellect. The problem is, he turned out anti-authoritarian, impulsive, and kinda stupid. He was disposed of at some point and now wanders space as the only one of his kind.

b: The same program that produced Shrike also created Secondary Green. Unfortunately, something happened—whether through accident or external manipulation—that turned it into a rampaging force of destruction. We have yet to see whether humans really did just monumentally fuck up, or if LAW is rewriting history.

c: LAW is on its way to collapse through Primary Red's mismanagement. Whether said mismanagement is through the other Primaries going missing on their own, or through a power grab on Red's part is the main mystery.

hooray done for now oh god

[monosminecraftmania]

days 9, 10, 11: i uh. i got desperate

ive decided to do a fun little thing that ended up taking three days to finish so it was completely not worth it in terms of the time sink. but hey the other half is going to be finished with the next three hermits

but yeah crossover with the hermits in my favorite fps Apex Legends with skizz stress and pearl. pearl was originally going to be holding a rifle but it was way too long so that's why her hand looks like it does-

wheeee.

[crazycurly-77]

Games

Don't really know what possessed me to write this, but here it is. Have fun! 

After a hard and tiring case Tim, Tony, Abby and you were celebrating the successful completion in a cute little bar. Amazingly even Gibbs joined your round.

You had a lot of fun and at one point during the evening Tony discovered the little stage and the karaoke machine. So he suggested playing a game. You all cheered about this idea. The game you played was truth or dare and everybody agreed to play. 

To decide who's next Tony put an empty bottle in the middle of the table and spinned it around. 

Tim was the first to play and said “truth”. Abby laughed and cheered immediately and asked him “how do you like my new tattoo?” His head became a fiery red and he stuttered “it's hot.”

“Wheeee!!!” She was absolutely excited, which made even Gibbs laugh. He was sitting beside you and was very content about that, because he came to be able to spend a few nice hours with you outside of work. 

But that you didn't know. Sure, the two of you got along very well and in the last couple of months in which you were working with Abby the team became friends to you, but you developed tender feelings for the silver fox as well. 

That he developed deep feelings for you too was a fact and everybody saw his longing looks towards you, except yourself. You were busy with trying to hide your feelings and pining after him yourself. 

You laughed so hard because of Abby's lucky dance, that you nearly missed that the bottle had landed on Tony. With a mischievous grin he chose “dare”. “I see a karaoke machine on the stage. So I dare you to sing “Rock DJ” of Robbie Williams” Tim challenged him. 

Tony laughed and nodded saying “alright!” and walked towards the place of the upcoming desaster. He performed extremely good, but luckily he was good in his job. His singing had your ears nearly bleeding, but it was very funny. 

He came back to the table exhausted, panting heavily and laughing his ass off as you all did. Sitting down he grabbed the bottle and spinned it. 

Again you were lucky. Abby was next. “Truth” she said smiling widely. 

Tony grinned as only he could and then asked “do you and Tim have an affair?” 

She clapped her hands laughing again and yelled a loud “Yes! Sure!” 

Pour Tim became red as a tomato again and tried not to be seen. 

Gibbs only looked at him, but said nothing. In all the happiness the atmosphere was now a little tense, so Abby quickly took the bottle to lighten the mood once more. 

This time you had no such luck as previously. The bottle landed on you. You took a deep breath, closed your eyes and said “Dare”. 

Abby knew that you can sing, because you were sometimes singing when you were waiting for test results and she loved your voice. But she was the only one who knew of your talent. 

Secretly she planned on getting Gibbs and you together because of your feelings for one another and this game was her perfect chance to work on this project. So she dared you “you have to sing “Hallelujah” in the version of Rufus Wainwright.”

All were laughing and you shrugged your shoulders saying simply “okay.”

You entered the stage, went to the machine and put it off with the words “that I don't need” and you winked to the waiting people. 

Then you took a seat on the piano and began to play and to sing. You closed your eyes to feel the music as you sang and the whole room was silent. After the song ended and you stood to walk back to your colleagues your audience gave you standing ovations. 

Abby fell into your arms jumping up and down “I knew you would make it! And it was so wonderful! I love your voice!”

“Y/N! I didn't know you could sing. Why didn't you told me?” Tony pouted. 

You smiled “you didn't asked.”

Sitting beside Gibbs again he layed his hand on your shoulder and said “very good, Y/L/N. Should sing more often.”

He gave you such a warm and tender smile that your mind gone blank and your heart was racing in your chest. Could he hear and feel it beating so fast? 

The two of you were so captured in each other that you didn't noticed that Tony answered another question truthfully and now directed the bottle back to you. 

Nobody complained about that, because all of them wanted to hear more from you. 

“Me once again? You're kidding. But alright. What do you want to hear?” you asked laughing. Immediately Tony demanded triumphantly “Sitting on a dock of a bay” of Otis Redding!”

“Yeah!!!” was heared from all sides. 

“Good. So be it” you nodded and walked back to the stage. 

Again everyone was fascinated and excited. 

“You are a singer!! What are you doing in the lab?” Tim asked in earnest. 

Your cheeks burned “Thank you so much, but it's just a hobby of mine and I love what I'm doing professionally.”

So this was settled. 

Gibbs asked himself the same what Tim had asked you and he feared your answer, but there was nothing to fear. You wouldn't leave him, would you? 

Of course they said that you were the next again and before you could say anything Tim cheered “I love when you sing ballads. So please, I want to hear “Run” of Leona Lewis.”

That was a sad but wonderful song, because it gives courage. 

So you sang it and Gibbs had to swallow hard. You singing this song got absolutely under his skin, no matter what. 

Tim, Tony and Abby saw this and congratulated themselves. Their plan seemed to work. Sure, originally it was Abby's plan, but Tim and Tony decided to help her as they noticed what she tried. 

Tim was next, so you didn't have to spend the whole evening on stage. He had to drink a glass of beer in one go as he chose the dare. Tony came after him, made the same choice and had to drink a glass of rum. He coughed heavily, but finally he made it and cheered at himself and bathed in his triumph. 

“Now it's my turn!” he then yelled and spun the bottle again. And again you had bad luck, because it landed once more on you. 

“Why does it never land on Gibbs?” you murmured a little annoyed. 

“Because it has too much fear of him!” Tony laughed and nearly toppled over because of it. 

While all were laughing, this earned him a glare and a head-slap from the boss. 

But it didn't help, it was your turn, so you said confidentially “I'll stick with dare.”

Surely you had only to sing again…

…but no!!!

Abby sent you a mischievous grin and demanded “you have to kiss Gibbs.”

Your jaw dropped and you blanched of surprise. Then you gulped and kissed him on the cheek. Everyone was disappointed, but most especially him. For a moment he thought his dreams would come true and his heart was trying to jump out of his chest, but no. He only felt your lips that he wanted to taste so much on his cheek.

Your cheeks however burned of embarrassment. Your heart was racing and you feared his reaction, but he simply stared at you with his wonderful ice blue eyes. 

Then you spun the bottle. It landed on Abby. She chose dare and gave a really good performance of AC/DC's “Thunderstruck”. 

Your little break wasn't long before it was your turn again. This time you chose to tell the truth. So Tony took his chance, stared at you and asked “do you have a boyfriend currently?” 

Once again you turned red “actually not. No, I don't have a boyfriend or someone like that at the moment.”

Tony and most of all Gibbs were very pleased with your answer. 

Then you turned the bottle, but Abby manipulated it, so it landed on you once more. You sighed and said “dare”.

Tim spoke up and made a wish “I would like to hear “The Rose” of Bette Midler.”

Abby cried excited “Yes! Such a wonderful song. A really good choice.”

You rolled your eyes, but went smiling to the stage once again. You loved singing, but you were getting slowly tired of the game. And you had a feeling, that maybe the three of Tim, Tony and Abby were up to something. 

But okay, it was your turn. 

You walked to the micro and it was silent again. Everybody held their breath in anticipation of what would happen. 

You breathed deeply to calm yourself, closed your eyes and began to sing. 

You poured all your heart in the song to get the wonderful message to your audience and everyone listened to your voice. 

You were totally oblivious that Gibbs stood up totally mesmerized and slowly walked to you. The team gasped in astonishment, but he couldn't help himself. He felt like he was drawn magically to you and couldn't resist for the life of him. 

As you had finished the song you opened your eyes to find his blue ones directly in front of you. Without a word he cupped your cheek with one hand and your waist with the other and pulled you to him. 

He wanted to taste your lips so badly so he slowly closed the distance between you and kissed you softly and tenderly. Breaking the kiss after a short while he kissed you lovingly on your forehead too, turned and walked back to your table. 

You stood there unable to move, think or do anything. What was that? Out of the blue your boss kissed you! The only thing in your mind was the word “wow!” 

After you collected yourself you went back to your table too, where you were met with three widely grinning faces and ice blue eyes which followed your every move over the edge of a beer glass. 

Sitting again next to Gibbs you took a sip from your own beer and then laughed “now it's MY turn to turn the bottle!” 

You grabbed it and instantly a hand was laid on yours. Holding your hand Gibbs turned the bottle at himself. He locked eyes with you and stated “it's my turn and I'm choosing the dare. But it's actually not a dare, but an honor.”

Everyone wondered and waited for what he was going to do, but he didn't care about the audience. He simply pulled you gently to him and kissed you hard and deeply to get his message to you and to stake his claim. 

Neither of you were able to grab a thought or say a word after this world turning kiss. You two were in your own world and forgot all your surroundings, co-workers inclusively. 

It took Tony to bring you both back to reality. He clapped Gibbs on the shoulder and winked saying “you should go and take a room.”

Instead of glaring at him, Gibbs grinned widely and murmured to you “for once he's right. Come on, Y/N. Let's go!” 

Under the cheering, clapping and laughing of your colleagues the two of you left the bar to celebrate the beginning of your life together.

The End

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Back to the main Masterlist

Back to the alternative Masterlist

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Tags: @ilovemark1951, @hobby27

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[meatball-soup]

let me show you various things i found while doing captura for my boy amir here

also guys, just a psa (not) to try ragdolling ur protoframes...

i have witnessed the gore of my comfort character

amirs jaws and eyeballs pops out LMAO

ok lets get into it, the more it goes the more fucked up it will be :)

wheeee

rolled back eyes, a little bit hollow, a bit scary but mostly cool.. as long as the shade is on and covers the hollow part..

same vibes haha

hmm yeah yeah okay nice form

and this is what you get for setting your energy color to black and bullet jumping, use this wisely and not in the middle of the night like i did

this is when you finally get your face sat on

vay hek got him :(

[autism-autobot]

Flower of a Poisonous Seed Part 61:

Part 60:

Thank you to @peachesnplums95 for inspiring the opening bit of this chapter via their comments on this post!

"Son, it's not that I don't mind your company, but how much longer will it be until you two move out?"

"We will get the keys to the new house today, but it is unclear how long until we can get all of the necessities put into place. Why do you ask?"

*in the other room*

SWK: 🎶WHO'D YOU THINK YOU'RE KIDDING??? HE'S THE EARTH AND HEAVEN TO YA🎶

Mac: Enough already!

SWK: 🎶TRY TO KEEP IT HIDDEN??? HOOOONEY WE CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH YA🎶

Mac: SHUT UP

SWK: 🎶FACE IT LIKE A GROWN UP!!! WHEEEN YA GONNA OWN UP THAT YA🎶

Mac: NOOOO!!!!!!

SWK: 🎶GOT, GOT, ✨️GOT IT BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!✨️🎶

Mac: QUIT IT!!!!!

Nezha: *poking his head through the door* Oh. That's why.

Jing: *also poking his head through the door* Apparently, Wukong found a way to get back at Socks for all the times he annoyed him.

Nezha: Wukong's always had quite the "go big or go home" personality.

Jing: Hopefully he'll be doing the "go home" bit sooner rather than later.

Nezha: It is entertaining though.

Jing: Yes, I see why you chose him. He is quite a lot of fun.

Nezha: And way better at communicating his feelings.

Jing: Was there ever any doubt?

Nezha: *laughs* Not really, no.

~~~

*in the car ride to their new house*

SWK: Key day! Key day! Wheeee!

Nezha: I'm excited too, dear. It is quite a momentous occasion.

RS: I'm so excited for you both! And I can't wait to see the new house too!

SWK: This is so exciting I just- *squeals*

Nezha: I feel the same way. I actually took my prescribed amount of dosage because I was worried I'd faint from the excitement of it all! It's been so long since I've felt this good. And I don't think it's just the meds.

RS: You said your father was working on helping the pharmacies get the amounts of medicines their patients need, yes?

Nezha: Yes, he is. He said results should be apparent in the next month or two.

SWK: Yaaaaay!

~~~

Realtor: You two just need to sign here and here.

SWK: You read it all, yes?

Nezha: Every letter in every fine print. Three times over. It's legitimate.

SWK: Okay!

Nezha & SWK: *hold hands as they sign the documents*

Realtor: Thank you! And here's the keys for each of you.

Nezha & SWK: Thank you. *takes keys from them*

Realtor: *leaves*

Nezha: Wukong, Red, you ready?

RS: Absolutely!

SWK: As much as my heart can be.

It was Red Son's idea for them to be dressed in formal attire. Wukong's bald head was gently wrapped in a red headscarf with a crown of daffodils and lotus flowers on it. Nezha wore a red hanfu with golden peach blossom decals that matched Wukong's qipao.

Red Son was wearing a purple suit with a pink tie. He even tied his hair up in a braided bun. He brought a camera with him to take pictures of the platonic couple's first moments home.

Finally, Wukong and Nezha were in front of the door. Nezha handed the spare key to Red Son and put his hands around Wukong's.

Nezha: *takes a deep breath* Ready?

SWK: *smiles nervously* *nods*

Nezha moves their hands up to unlock the door. At the twist of the key, they could've sworn time stood still for a moment.

Together, they put their hands on the door and pulled.

SWK: Why is it not opening?

Nezha: I could've sworn we unlocked it correctly, did we not?

RS: *facepalms* It's a push door, you guys!

Nezha & SWK: OH! *starts laughing hysterically*

Nezha: *laughing through tears* Oh, we're such fools, aren't we?

SWK: *crying laughing* The biggest fools!

Nezha: Shall we open it now?

SWK: Yes, please!

Nezha: Ready?

Nezha & SWK: One, two, three! *pushes the door open*

Wukong stared at the inside wide-eyed. Just long enough to strap Wukong's oxygen tank to his back and pick up Wukong bridal-style and carry him in.

Wukong ran his hands along the walls as Nezha sped through the halls with Red Son closely behind. When they made their way back to the empty living room, Nezha spun around and gently tossed Wukong into the air, causing him to squeal happily.

Nezha: Welcome home, my love!

SWK: Welcome home, my dearest Daffodil!

Nezha & SWK: *press their foreheads together and share breath*

Nezha: Now, we have six hours to get this place ready for the housewarming party!

RS: We'd better hop to it!

SWK: Let's go get changed and set up right away!

Nezha: I'll put you in your wheelchair and put up the decorations.

SWK: I'll set the food and utensils out.

RS: And I'll get these photos printed out and hung up.

Nezha: Let's go team!

SWK: *blows party horn*

Part 62:

Masterpost

@weaverpop @istopaskingmemate @fruit-fight @ainnur @cutvdo @starrclown @swkbiggestdefender @vivyainou

[suzannahnatters]

I blazed through the first 25% of my FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING audiobook reread in 3 days whoops

nb this is like the 9th or possibly 10th time lets go wheeee

FOREWORD

it's SO iconic of JRRT to come out swinging with "some people are wrong about my book and I have chosen to make it everyone's problem"

PROLOGUE - CONCERNING HOBBITS

"after the book is over Celeborn is going to go and live at Rivendell, and Sam is going to preserve Bilbo's and Frodo's literary legacy, and Merry Brandybuck is going to become a loremaster in herbology and history and linguistics, and Pippin Took - well, Pippin doesn't do diddleysquat"

CH 1 - A LONG EXPECTED PARTY

Gandalf is the personal emissary of the gods wielding a ring of power crafted thousands of years ago by the legendary elven-smith Celebrimbor under the tutelage of Sauron, Dark Enemy of the World. he uses this artefact, among other things, to create fireworks for children.

CH 2 - THE SHADOW OF THE PAST

this is THE chapter to me. I cracked open LOTR for the first time when I was 10 and noped out somewhere around chapter 3 because it was SO SCARY HELP but chapter 2 had got me, I HAD to find out whether Frodo ever found the Cracks of Doom

instead of One Chosen Hero who Saves the World JRRT gives us the One Dreaded Artefact which Must Be Destroyed, doesn't matter by whom though ideally it'll be a complete nobody - nobody is doing it like him. this might possibly explain why I've always wanted to read fantasy books about the one person in the world with NO magical abilities at all

the way that Gollum gets so humanised in this chapter drives home how this book plays with notions of heroism/protagonism. Aragorn is the classic fantasy hero, the promised king whose main function is to run distraction while the hobbits get the job done. Frodo is the protagonist through whose eyes we see the story but in the end he fails his job. Sam is the true protagonist because in the end he is the one with agency. Gollum is the tragic hero whose fall becomes a vehicle of grace in bringing about the Ring's destruction. and right from the start he's honoured that way by the book bringing us into his perspective.

it's always DELIGHTED me that on a re-read you can track more or less when Sam starts listening in by the fact that his shears stop snicking in the background

our boy Frodo is so relatable for how he reacts to the news that the dark lord of Mordor has probably heard his name and knows where he lives, it's like he's become twitter's main character for the day...but I think the main reason this chapter terrified me so much as a child is because of how strongly as a child you identify with Frodo, being so aware that one is only a small hobbit in the grand scheme of things. it's something I think that as a kid you identify with.

huge drama going down in the sitting room as Gandalf recoils halfway to Gondor at the thought of being asked to take care of the Ring himself. smash cut to Sam outside pretending to be bustling around the garden whistling to disguise the fact that he's been eavesdropping on the whole thing.

love the way that Gandalf is coded as wise and prophetic in this chapter. he takes on a sort of old testament prophetic role, not in terms of being able to look into the future but in terms of being able to look at the present with heightened vision to perceive the workings of divine providence

"THEY'RE MIGHT SUS DOWN IN BUCKLAND" says Gaffer Gamgee to a several thousand year old incorporeal nightmare fuel phantom

CH 3 - THREE IS COMPANY

it will never not be utterly delightful to me that given the strength and terror they later achieve the ringwraiths come into the story getting sassed by hobbits and later, falling off things

never not losing it when Frodo, on leaving the shire, suddenly recites the same poem Bilbo spoke when returning to it. cept that when Bilbo spoke of "wandering" feet Frodo speaks of "weary" feet 😭😭😭 MY BOY

"cannot imagine what information could be more terrifying than your hints and warnings" MOOD, I think that Gildor's vague alarms are part of the reason I DNF'd the book age 10, I simply could not handle that

a bit difference between the SILMARILLION versus HOBBIT and LOTR is that in the latter we get a look at the elves from an outsider perspective and it's so fun, the Mirkwood Sindar come across as tricksy folklore elves but Gildor's Noldor are coded quite differently, as fair back-of-the-north-wind elves

CH 4 - A SHORT CUT TO MUSHROOMS

we're getting so much character development for the hobbits already - Frodo already isolated by his burden emotionally in a way that foreshadows the severe physical isolation he'll undergo later; Sam manifesting prophetic wisdom and foresight under the Elves' influence; Pippin just being a happy-go-lucky boyy and we even get a strong sense of Merry as the practical, capable one handling logistics in the background (am I still sore at the movies for making them both comic relief? yea verily)

"short cuts make long delays but inns make longer ones" spoken like a man who tried to go on multiple walking tours with CS Lewis

the vibe of these chapters is impeccable, it's like cosycosycosy SPINE MELTING PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR cosycosycosy

but it's also actually super reminiscent of Stevenson and Buchan - this whole sense of being hunted relentlessly through an otherwise beautiful peaceful landscape.

[an-inky-fingered-lass]

*peeks out from under blanket fort* don't mind me very randomly reblogging a post from ages ago, I just... I have some Thoughts

I know this is sorta mostly adjacent to the context in which the post was meant, but it just kinda meets something that's been on my mind lately, partly because ahem i've been contemplating May's story arc and conclusion bc extraordinarily long character study reasons ahem anyways -- I hope it's alright for me to add on a lil bit!!

I'm not generally much of shipper. The platonic relationships have always taken the cake for me -- platonic life partners, found family, jaded veterans accidentally adopting kids mentor-protege (my whole heart), best-friends-who-have-seen-so-much-life-together...

The ships I do love -- the thing about them for me is they feel realistic. I love my happy endings, but see, there isn't only one kind of happy ending. Art is a reflection of life, and there is so much to life. It's not always just person A ends up with person B, la di da, congratulations, they lived happily ever after, this is all there ever will be to their story -- sometimes a happy ending comes of realizing it's time to go your separate ways, so much life still in front of you. Sometimes a happy ending is a life built back up after devastating loss, bit by bit, until you're back standing on solid ground. Sometimes a happy ending is sitting in a diner booth in your eighties, arguing over the last french fry.

It's the ships depict all the complexities and struggles and work that comes of individual people who are complete and whole in themselves sharing a piece or a part or the rest of their lives. It's a beautiful thing, the chance to share your life with someone. It's not all there is to life. The core of it is never the story out of a fairytale. There's not only one meaning to it all, one road to happiness. The ships that have my heart are the ones that are represented this way -- all of it, joys and sorrows, thank you for being in my life's, do you know how much I learned from you?

Sometimes there is no happy ending. Sometimes there was a life filled with happiness. Sometimes joy and pain live in tandem, and they make each other worth it -- and you look and realize where you're standing now, your life yours, all the world still ahead of you.

I might. you know. write that essay on may's whole story arc and how it literally means the world to me in how grounded and undramatized and realistic and painful and beautiful it is at some point, loves and losses and hopes and griefs, and the way they gave her a chance to find her own peace on her terms at the conclusion of it all; which, among the issues i have with the writing of aos, is one of the things i love about it -- the arcs and careful, understated, authentic character development but...... yeeeah i think i've rambled quite enough for one day.

I don’t know why this is always a thing. A ships on the way to getting some major league canon screentime and there’s always some people that take that as a damn bat-signal to crap all over every other relationship those characters have ever had like everyone should just agree with it now.

Which is… stupid for so many reasons.

News Flash: Your life experiences shape who you are as a person. You learn and grow from all the relationships in your life. Maybe the previous relationship ended on friendly terms or maybe it didn’t. Maybe somebody got widowed and found love again after they’d healed. Maybe it was puppy love and you learned a lot about yourself and remember it fondly. Maybe you really loved someone, but your wants and needs about the rest of your life were on different paths so you stayed friends instead.

All of these things are just as much a part of life and relationships as finding that final life partner you hope you die of old age with. They’re how you got to them. 

There’s more to life than thrice-damned love triangles and tragic pining people. Keep your eyes open.

[deadchannelradio]

7 and 25 for the ask game!

wheeee thank you! im gonna answer 25 first so i can put 7 under a cut bc it might get long

25. What other websites or resources do you use most often when you write?

i use my backcountry medicine guide i got when i did my WFA training regularly (it is beat to shit) as well as romlex, which is a database of romani languages, several different maps of gotham saved to my phone, and frankly just search engines like duckduckgo. a lot of the stuff i end up researching ends up being highly specific based on whatever i'm writing so there aren't often resources i go back to. im not like a Great researcher like my partner is so a lot of the time if i have a question and its not being answered easily by my queries im not gonna lie i just ask him. hes my own personal google he knows everything.

7. Any worldbuilding you’re particularly proud of?

the iris logs and their associated paperwork. i think paperwork is such a great format. i even made templates for their IRs. theyre 7 pages long.

2. i put a lot of thought. into the league of assassins and their bases. specifically where damian was raised because of exodus- that's his home and where we will be spending a lot of time through flashbacks and also just because where and how you are raised builds you and who you are as a person, and damian was raised SO differently from everybody else that it kind of requires you to build his early childhood in order to write him effectively with any kind of interiority. and you (or just me i guess) are kind of forced to do your own research ehre because what DC put together is fucking crazy nonsense.

on one hand i understand why they used "nanba parbet"- if i'm nice i can say they were trying to invoke any latent knowledge of nanga parbat without actually using the mountain itself, because in spite of being both dangerous and remote there are several routes up it and the mountain is rather well explored. if i'm realistic however i think probably they googled MOST DANGEROUS MOUNTAIN!!!!! or heard a story about KILLER MOUNTAIN NANGA PARBAT!!! and misremembered the spelling and didnt care to do any further research. Nanga parbat is not a good place to hide your assassins base. people climb it regularly. so i did some picking around in the Himalayas and landed on Kohe Hevad- it's in the hindu kush range in afghanistan in the wakhan corridor, near tajikistan and along the beautiful pamir highway.

there are not many photos of it online. it stands at ~22,000 feet of elevation, and is extremely remote- and what's more, it's not a destination mountain in any sense of the word. people are people and mountaineers are going to mountaineer- if you tell them there's a mountain that kills everyone who touches it the first thing they're going to do it bump it to number one on the bucket list. i have found exactly one account of climbing it, by a party back in the 1960's who said it was just, like, fine. from my digging ive not found much else about it: it's just not a mountain people feel the need to climb. there's no ego in it. it's also close to said pamir highway in the wakhan corridor, so although nobody really climbs the mountain specifically there's a semi-active tourist route that goes right by it. this is the perfect cover for novitiates trying to join up- the locals aren't going to question why there's weird people from all over passing through, they'll blend in with the tourists. the helicopters that they WILL need for supplies however will stick out but if you keep it to once a month or less and stick close to the mountains themselves it's likely a lot of people wont notice and it will eventually become somewhat routine. most people dont ask questions.

and then i made myself crazy thinking about how they would sustain themselves.

It must be an incredibly short growing season if they have any outside gardens at all- plants would be started inside. They would not have fruit trees of any kind, and probably not berries although I know people have had some success w goji berries at 9000 feet and I have had friends with lovely blueberries at 7000. Given that the Wakhan Corridor is at 9000ft of elevation before you even get to kohe hevad, I do not fancy them lucky enough for fruits and berries. Down in the lower elevations I know stonefruits are pretty popular though and my favorite apple is from around that region. Things like fruits would have to be flown in, as with salt and most spices. Fortunately I think ra’s would probably care enough about eating food that doesn’t taste bad that he would have these flown in. I went without salt for a couple weeks one time and it was really really bad.

They would eat a lot of mushrooms.

Vertical farming is probably the majority of what they do to feed themselves. Aquaponics or aeroponics idgaf this is not my area but Ra’s has figured it out and has been doing it waaaay way before everyone else thought of it and bigger and better and he of course has shared it with nobody.

I think most of their water would be glacial/snow melt. They are in the mountain deep enough that I don’t think they would have to worry about heat.

The animals with the best feed to weight conversion ratios are fish. I dont think they have fish. That would be a nightmare to set up and I think probably the altitude would do something to them. I have gone with rabbits, goats, and quail. You could probably do chickens as they, like goats, eat everything, but honestly they smell terrible and I wouldnt want that in my cave, which is where you would have to have them over the winter. Rabbits do not smell (okay their pee does but ammonia is way better than chicken manure in my humble onion) and have a pretty great feed to meat ratio, and the goats can be ranged during the summer and probably get sent to lower altitude pastures during the winter after a mass slaughter/butcher. quail are really teeny tiny but they put on weight well and can lay an alright number of eggs and you can keep them in very tight spaces- its's even safer to do so because they have a bad habit of flushing directly upwards and breaking their necks/skulls on the ceilings, and if you don't give them a lot of height they can't do that. i saw a lady setting up a beautiful maybe 11 foot high run for her quail the other day and all i could think of was how many of them were going to kill themselves.

I doubt any of these animals are like neglected or abused but they definitely arent like, the most spectacularly cared for creatures in the world. They are tools.

Hunting also probably nets them a lot of meat from like markhor and such. do they have chuckar? it seems like a place where chuckar would live. Great way to practice your sharpshooting and trekking skills!

if you read exodus you saw my dog thoughts. i dont think they have cats. i also think they have a couple small ratting terriers, however. cats are not good pest control. keep your cats inside. the best barn cat can't outhunt penny the jack russell and kills way more native birds and amphibians and lizards besides.

The helicopter is 100% necessary you cannot hike all that shit up that thang and you’ll have to leave fast as fuck sometimes. However I bet it gets hairy getting in and out sometimes.

Even with all of this I have doubts that this base or any of ra’s bases could sustain more than like, 50-80 people maximum. Sustenance farming is hard, yall.

thats my thoughts. i probably will percolate over them more and come up with more as time goes by.

[chirpy-chi]

.O_O.

~Brief descriptions of the animation process below the cut~

First pass with testing out the placements and eye darts first. I edited his eye shape a lot after this coz it was too big here xD His tattoo isn't properly masked as well yet

Second pass with the new eye shape >u< Testing out his smaller eye in this and making sure the pupil doesn't clip through his smaller eyelids

Third pass, eye squinttsss. I don't use plugins for my animation though, I just brute force it via a combo of position, rotation and puppet pins xD

Fourth pass with more detailed and subtle eye movements. If you squint and stare hard enough you can actually see subtle deformation for his eyelashes to have a smoother animation with the delays and drag

Fifth pass, I gave him a subtle up and down movement with his body as if from breathing but you can't really see it unless you've been staring at it as long as I have xD But it does help subconsciously to not make him feel as static. Bigger head movement for this too where he shifts position. Started parts of his hair animation too. There's puppet pins as well in his hair to do the wave motion for it alongside rotations.

Sixth pass, wheeee he got all his fluffeh hair moving x3 I animated each strand to be on the same timing first then slowly offset the keyframes one by one so that they all move on different timings for it.

Seventh pass, last WIP pass I saved before the completed one. He got yet another expression shift for this. I'm pretty happy with how he's quite flexible in his expressions from just manipulating the puppet pins and my many many layers to built him xD Annddd that's all, thanks for reading >u< / <3

Bonus note, animating in After Effects will eat your PC like nobody's business x'D 46GB just for the damn cache omggggggg It was worth animating Sukuna though~

[ask-dart-ghoul]

Unwelcomed Visitor

Aaaa! Finally redid the angst!! I lost a chunk of this via some editing mistakes. I changed the story just a tad. I'm not aiming for serious angst here just some arguing and inner emotional turmoil. Enjoy!! (constructive criticism and support well appreciated!!!)

================================================

Dart had been working in his office for quite a while now. He'd been reading and writing nonstop, looking at paperwork for some new protocols and such. Of course he would be more on schedule if he could focus better. Why couldn't he focus? Creacher.

For the past thirty minutes she'd been messing around in his office. At first she simply looked around at his stapler and paper weight and other desk items. But as time passed she started getting more and more distracting. Currently she sat in the leather lined rolling chair across from him, spinning in circles and whispering a little wheeee under her breath with each one.

When she spun around and the chair nicked part of his dark ebony desk's fine finish he dropped his pen and leaned back in his chair. Dart's dark stormy eyes watched as Creacher simply rubbed her finger over the scratch, said nothing, then continued spinning again.

"Do you mind at least keeping my furniture in tact?" he asked sassily, a bit more attitude showing through than he intended. Creacher let the chair slowly come to a stop before scooting around to face the taller ghoul.

She pouted, "It's just a scratch... Jeez. It'll buff." Creacher pulled her legs up and Dart couldn't suppress the wince as he watched her shoes press into the fine black leather and leave a little mark of dirt from her soles.

As she resumed spinning again he simply watched while his blood started to boil little by little. It was like if they stared long enough maybe Creacher would quit or better yet leave. When nearly a minute passed and Creacher nicked the desk again Dart stood up, and walked around to her. They gripped the back of the chair to prevent her from spinning more.

"Quit it. You're ruining my office." they scolded.

"Ruining is a strong word. It's just a couple scratches!" Creacher protested, attempting to wriggle in the chair and shake it from his grip. She failed miserably as Dart simply gripped the chair a little harder.

"Of course you would say that. Know what? Just keep the chair. I'll get a new one." He shoved the chair across the room towards the door just hard enough that it stopped a few feet from the door. At least, that's what he had planned to do. Instead he underestimated the force he used and the chair went spinning, hitting the wall a couple feet next to the door. Creacher yelped and clung to the arm rests as she went rolling. Dart winced and stared in hopes that they hadn't dented the wall. When Creacher huffed and got out of the chair Dart let out a little sigh of relief that the wall was well in tact.

"Do you not know how to have a little fun!? Good Satan! You need some lessons on it for sure." Creacher yelled with crossed arms and a lashing tail.

Dart crossed their arms in return and rolled their eyes. He couldn't help the way the corners of his mouth turned downwards in distaste. The more he thought on her words, trying to gather himself into a more controlled state, the more he felt his tongue want to act on its own. Finally, cheeks blue with what like something Dart could only describe as the same pressure a soda bottle builds when you shake it, he glared at Creacher.

"Fun is not what I need," he began, voice low but rising gradually, as he slowly started to step closer, "What I need is for people to stop getting in my way. What I need is a clear path ahead to get something done around here for once. What I need is to stop being distracted by a lazy, obnoxious, rash, disorderly creature like you!"

Dart stood nearly chest to chest with Creacher now, his breathing heavy. The shorter simply stood there, mouth slightly open, as her face slowly melted from angry to crestfallen. The fire in her blue eyes faded and it sent a odd piercing feeling into Dart's chest.

They'd only stated the truth, right? Perhaps the truth had been too much for her? In the past when he had been honest his coworkers had called him "blunt" and "insensitive". Was that what he was being now?

Dart's mouth opened but for once he had no idea what to say. He felt a choking sensation in his throat like something was caught in it when he noticed the tears forming in Creacher's eyes. Before Dart could get a noise out she sniffled and huffed, "Fine. I'll go." Despite her furrowed brows, the cue that Dart put together she usually did when she was determined and fiery, her voice shook when she spoke like she'd lost that flame inside her.

"No- No don't." Was all he could manage as she turned on her heel towards the door with her tail lashing behind her. Dart reached out weakly as if maybe she'd come back with the gesture. Just before exiting she kicked the chair, sending it across the room once more. When it went past Dart instead of hitting him she growled with a huff as she slammed the door behind her.

Dart stood in the middle of his office with what felt like a hole in his chest and his neck tight. He reflected on the interaction for a few moments before sighing and ultimately blaming it on himself. Perhaps he had been too harsh with his words.

They dejectedly headed for their desk and pulled a well loved notebook from one of the drawers. Dart plopped into his chair, scooted it forward, and opened the notebook gently to its freshest page. He wrote:

Note to self: Word choice. Word choice is very important. Look up "connotation VS denotation"

Now what he learned from the encounter was amongst the other notes from his past failures. Surely one day he'd be able to act right, wouldn't he?

His eyes rested on the chair just a few feet to the side of his desk. The imprints of dirt were still on the edge of the seat from where Creacher had put her feet. It only served to send a flash, like a lightning, through his temples.

Dart put his face in his hands, body slumped over his desk now. Through the cracks between his fingers he stared down at the paperwork before him. They were downright sick of that paperwork. For once he couldn't muster the will to go back at it. The futile attempt to simply sent a sick feeling into his stomach. Dart screwed his eyes shut and shoved his palms into his eyelids. The pressure seemed to alleviate that in his temples and shoulders.

"I have one job," he muttered to himself in another attempt to get over the sickness and get back to work. Work would take this off his mind. Work would put a little curtain between him and the train wreck he'd created. Still, despite his best efforts, Dart couldn't help the abyss in his stomach and the heaviness in his sternum.

Just do it anyways, he thought. And when the thought didn't will his body and mind into work he repeated it over and over again and again until finally, ten minutes later, he picked up his pen and began reading over the contracts again.

But as he worked the rest of the day away he found himself going back to the interaction again and again as if analyzing it would somehow fix him. Dart stood in front of the window of his bedroom drinking tea that evening thinking,

What is my malfunction?

================================================

AAAA I haven't written in a while so sorry for typos and poor quality! (I also proof read this like five times for typos n such but like I'm literally dyslexic so-) I hope you readers enjoyed this! Creacher's focus will be uploaded probably tomorrow. I wanna start getting back into writing so this is part of my rough unrusting lol

[redadm1ral]

haiiii!! it has been so so so soooooo long since I was in the loop about Moira and Joseph so im sorry to throw you so many questions but I would love to know the answers to 1, 6, 11, 15, 19, 24, and 26 for Farley/Joseph or Farley/Moira, or both if you're up to it, or a mix!

HIIIIIII EMMA HIII ILU I MISSED U...I almost never talk about Joe and Farley on here so I'll focus on them first <3 I will also answer some of these for Moiralock, but Amina sent me an ask with some overlapping numbers, so I will hold off on answering those for now :>

(also I think soooo much Joe lore has changed since last time we talked about him together? I remember he used to be Serkonan and I think older than Farley, but now he's Wei-Ghonian/Tyvian, born in Dunwall, and around the same age. Joseph Woodrow era is over it's Josef Vlasák now wheeee!!!)

let's get into it! gonna put this under a readmore bc it gets LOOOOONG lol buckle up!

Farley/Josef (Joelock)

What are things they both find funny?

Okay right off the top of my head, these men grew up in the armpit of the Old Port District and the Navy is, among other things, brutal and bloody (before we even get into the Insurrection), so they have wicked morbid humor, though Farley's humor is darker than Joe's. Also they're very easily entertained by slapstick humor RIP Joelock y'all would've loved America's Funniest Home Videos.

Also forgive me for I have Master and Commander on the brain but I think Farley is capable of dropping some pun bombs...Farley vc you're completely dished…do you not know that in the service…one must always choose the lesser of two weevils? 🤨 Farley is always deadpan about it too (he is the master of sarcasm and delivering jokes with the straightest face imaginable) and it stresses people out which Joe does find funny as hell. They're both all about clever wordplay, not just puns, but Joe is the master at it out of the two of them (and I think Joe and Moira can go toe to toe).

What is/are their love language(s)?

These men are attached at the hip lmao, quality time FOR SURE. They're a super physical couple too. Joe especially, he's all about casual (and not-so-casual) touch. He likes swinging his legs over Farley's lap if they have the opportunity and when they're in private he likes to be alllll over him. Wrestling is their love language too I fear, those boys love to tussle. Fuck a night out on the town, just give them some good alcohol (or other substances, I'm not picky), a good audiograph to set the mood, and a room alone and they'll wrestle their way through that date straight into bed.

(Okay but they do love a night out on the town though...shore leave before they got married always went crazy. Okay shore leave after marriage goes crazy too but they don't really go to brothels anymore LMAO they're faithful husbands.)

What causes them to fight?

They rarely do because Joe has Yes Man Syndrome and it's terminal. But when they do, it's usually because Joe has an objection to something Farley does or wants to do (usually something he finds immoral or just outright fucking crazy), and Farley doubles down and browbeats Joe into going along with it or staying out of the way.

What are traits they dislike in one another?

Honestly I think Farley views Joe as weak; Joe is more kindhearted, sensitive, and desperately craves the approval for others, to the point where he will find someone to look up to before he acknowledges the potential and strength in himself. He does not have a lot of confidence, though he's very good at pretending otherwise, and this makes him a perpetual follower in Farley's eyes. (And a worse man, but Farley would not voice that thought to Joe.)

Conversely, I think Farley's ruthlessness disturbs Joe at times, and it's part of the reason why he ends up leaving the Navy; it's hard for him to reconcile the two versions of Farley in his head (the childhood friend and lover, and the ruthless and even at times sadistic Naval officer who brings home blood-soaked prize money, some of it of dubious origin). It's not enough to make him leave Farley. Very little is enough to make him leave Farley, actually (which is part of why Farley views him as weak), so he deals with it by shutting his eyes and seeing only the parts of Farley he wants to see.

Ironically I feel like both of these traits are also things they like and envy about one another. Farley sees Joe as weak, but that same sensitivity and kindheartedness that makes him a weak-willed man also makes him incredibly gentle. Joe has a very soothing and easygoing presence. Conversely, Joe sees Farley as someone very strong and reliable, someone who's always willing to get the job done no matter what. Some of his outward confidence is an attempt at emulating what he sees as confidence in Farley.

If they could each write a single line in their marriage vows, what would they be?

Oh God man this one is so unintentionally angsty to me bc they never could in the canon timeline! man fuck 😭 They are a Ride or Die couple so I think their vows would have that kind of vibe, so something like:

J: "My northern star, from the ends of the Earth to the depths of the Void, wherever you go, I will follow."

F: "You are the light of my sun, the blood in my heart, my joy; wherever we go, we'll go together."

What is something they have each had to forgive the other for?

Moira dying fucks Farley up bad enough that he abandons his kids for like, a year (or at least tries to; I'm still on the fence about whether he successfully goes to sea or has his arm twisted into staying home with his family a little longer). This, of course, puts a massive strain on his relationship with his children (a strain his relationship with Matthias never recovers from), and it's Joe who has to stay home and deal with that. He sees how badly it messes up the kids, and while he and Matthias in particular were always close, Farley's negligence drives Matthias to him even more. It puts Joe in the position of having to step up and play second father to his friend's son, to the point where Farley starts to get resentful because he can tell Matthias likes Joe more than he likes his own father.

Joe is…honestly, really disappointed in him. And he's not all that surprised when Matthias and Farley wind up estranged. But he keeps pushing forward with Farley because, well, that's his friend, and sometimes tragedy will tear a family apart. Perhaps that's forgiveness, perhaps that's enablement. I'd say it's both.

Pivoting from estrangement, this is probably super petty in comparison but Farley is noooot happy when Joe decides to leave the Navy. Like wtf man I thought you were ride or die…despite his distaste for it, Joe really did have a lot of potential as an officer, and they make an amazing team. AND they were in it from the beginning, so Farley was expecting them to be in it together until the end. But it's kind of hard to stay angry at a man who just wants to sell candy and chocolate for the sake of seeing people smile, and Joe's trade connections come in handy, so after some time Farley finds it in his heart to forgive ^-^ He should probably do something about his relationship with his son-

What are their favorite parts about physical affection/sex?

I think the big thing for the two of them is, they've known each other for so long that they can slot together very easily. They grew into their sexuality together (they were each other's first experience with someone of the same gender), and a lot of their sexual exploration is done as a couple. They're working on a level of intimacy and mutual understanding that they don't really have with anyone else (except maybe Moira, in Farley's case, but even that's different.)

So they have a very comfortable dynamic. The way they touch each other, the looks they exchange and their body smells and noises and movements all feel like home. And they can be open and adventurous with each other in a way they don't feel they could ever find in another man. Like, if one of them died, the surviving guy would be like that's it. I'm never having another man like this again. It's like how when Moira dies, Farley remains a widower for the rest of his life; no one could be his wife like Moira could, and similarly, no one could be his man like Joe can.

But getting into more specifics. They're both Big, Muscular Men who are also into Big, Muscular Men. They like to roughhouse, especially when they're younger (war wounds that ache deeper every year are not really conducive to Foreplay Wrestler Style), and they love playing with that boundary of physical "violence" (playfighting) and sex. They love straining against each other and measuring each other's strength against their own, the power and solidity in their muscle and the reserves of fat that protect and fuel them. They love biting and being bitten in turn, hands fisting in hair (Joe loooooves when Farley pulls his hair) and lips and hands and thighs taking exactly what they want from each other, and having pleasure taken from them. And while they don't have much of a size difference (Farley at 6'7''/2m, Joe at 6'4''/1.9m, with similar builds), I think they get off on just how big they are and how much weight they're throwing at each other.

Also when they get into kink dynamics, Farley prefers to dom, and he can either be a really mean and degrading dom that will beat the obedience out of Joe, or he can be a more calm and paternalistic dom who guides and coaxes the obedience out of him. (Not a fic with D/s dynamics but if y'all have read The Loyalists Are Not A Cutlery Drawer y'all will know what I mean.) Joe goes crazy for both. And Farley really enjoys seeing how far Joe will go to please him.

Farley/Moira (Moiralock)

What are things they both find funny?

Okay I think Moira is also into morbid humor, but in a different way than Farley and Joe are. I guess to explain it in a weird way, Moira would be fine and enjoy watching slashers and eat-em-ups, but Joe and Farley are the ones outright laughing at them. Most of the time. And like the two of them, Moira loves some good wordplay and is brilliant at it, and she and Farley bounce off each other pretty well comically.

What causes them to fight? + What are traits they dislike in one another?

Rolling these into one because these have significant overlap.

Uuuuusually when they fight, it's over Farley doing some stupid shit. Sometimes he puts his foot in his mouth or acts recklessly in a way that could jeopardize their social standing, and Moira does most of the heavy lifting when it comes to the family's image; she's the one hosting and organizing events and making connections with the wives of the important men Farley wants to rub elbows with! She already has misogynoir and ableism (despite hiding the worst of her disability from the public eye) to contend with in this setting, so her husband making it hard for her by being stubborn and running headlong into shit without thinking is SUPER fucking annoying.

(I'm on the fence about this but I think I've talked about having a scene in Kingsparrow where he gets himself into a duel, and ends up fucking killing the guy. Their reputation does not end up suffering too bad for this—ofc part of the intent of duels is being willing to risk your life, even if the goal is not to kill your opponent—but the whole ordeal takes ~5 years off Moira's life and I'm only halfway joking.)

Farley is of course stubborn as hell and doubles down during these fights. He married Moira because she, for her own drive and ambition, is also more cautious than him and is more inclined to think things through before taking action. He likes this aspect about her, at least normally, but when they're fighting he will absolutely start to view it as anxious hand-wringing or outright nagging. I Know What I'm Doing, Woman type shit. And then she has to remind his stupid ass what he married her for 😭 He does usually come around in the end. Though he's a bit shit at apologies.

Sometimes they will argue (though maybe not fight) over money. Farley and Moira are both pretty good with money, but Moira spends it more easily than Farley, while Farley is more frugal (or I guess stingy XD). This gets on Farley's nerves and he'll fuss at her for it, but she's like AHHH I don't want to hear it. Our finances are fine I budgeted for this. Check the books if you're that concerned. And she Does budget for it and it Is fine but he still grumbles about it. (Yet he loves spoiling his wife with gifts from across the Isles. And those cost money. Curious!)

Also, for as much as she likes Farley's stoicism when it translates positively, sometimes that translates instead into him having the emotional bandwidth of a brick and Moira can't stand that. He does try for Moira's sake, and he can be attentive, but dealing with emotions makes him uncomfortable more than anything and he has the tendency to be dismissive or all stiff-upper-lip when Moira needs him, or when their children need him.

If they could each write a single line in their marriage vows, what would they be?

Ouuhuhhgh my God this Disney ass couple...Okay I actually have trouble coming up with these (some elements of these vows are frankensteined in from other vows I found online RIP) but I think Moira and Farley's may look something liiiiike...

M: "I vow to be your guiding light, your warmth in the darkness, your confidant and your refuge; I vow to be forever loyal, forever loving, and to build our future together; as your friend, your lover, your wife, I vow to be your eternity."

F: "To you I promise my companionship, my protection, my strength and my love; to you, I promise to be always your side in times of need, in joy and in sadness, in sickness and in health; give me your hand, my love, and I will give you the world."

What is something they have each had to forgive the other for?

Okay truth be told I am struggling to answer this question, but on Moira's end…it's not lost on her that the only reason she's in Dunwall to marry Farley in the first place is because of the Insurrection, and the famine that followed. The O'Farrells were one of the many, many families driven out of Morley following the war. She does not let her family stop her from marrying him, and sometimes their objections are silly and outright hypocritical (looking at her father for that one) but she can't argue against all their objections because…yeah. The Empire drove them from their home, and it's the Empire he serves. Do you really wanna marry that man?

From a purely practical standpoint, all their romantic feelings aside, Moira chose to marry Farley because he was a promising young officer who had the achievements to back up his potential, and he had the upward mobility she was looking for. Yeah, he's in the Imperial Navy, and that's what gives him the power in the first place, and the power is what she wants. If you can't beat them, join them.

But that doesn't bring her home back. And sometimes Farley will say something about the unity of the Empire, or something else insensitive or ignorant, usually without meaning to, and Moira will look in his face and see one of the many faces responsible for the destruction of her country, the loss of her home. Sometimes she tells him. Sometimes it's enough for her to say his name or give him a look, and he gets the picture. Sometimes he apologizes. Sometimes she has to argue. Sometimes he comes around. Sometimes they agree to disagree. Or maybe instead he will tell a story from the service, from the days of the war, good or bad, and Moira can't ignore the unspoken reasoning for why Farley was there in the first place. What did it take to preserve the unity of the Empire he loves so dearly?

It's a quiet sort of pain, quiet because Moira buries it, and I think she sees her patience and her willingness to swallow the grief enough seek him out and stay with him as a sort of forgiveness. Or at least, she chooses to see it that way.

[nocompromise-noregrets]

8, 12 and 17 for the 2024 in review ask game. :-)

oooh, thank you! :D :D :D Let's see...

8. What fic meant the most to you to write? Ooooh. Tough one. I think being completely honest it wasn't the ones I wrote, but the two original works I finally got round to posting this year, Hal Peacock's Life Is Perfectly Fine As It Is, Thank You and The Unintentional Redemption of Jack McQueen. I did write a few new bits for both of them, but I've been working on them on and off since 2007 in one form or another and it just feels so great to get them out there at last, and to garner a tiny little readership. I love my disastrous boys Hal and Jack so very much.

12. What fic was the easiest to write? death is certain, life is not just POURED out of my brain, and been waiting so long, it's true also just DEMANDED to be written (approximately five minutes after I declared I had no time or brainspace for a new fandom, oops), I haven't had something quite like that in a very long time indeed.

17. Share your favorite opening line oh man. I am terrible at picking favourites, but let's see...oh yeah, this is one I am very fond of. Here, meet Jack, in chapter 2 of Hal And Jack Do Pride Every Year Now Apparently:

Somehow Hal and I are still regulars at Ivana Cutabitch’s Drag Karaoke, we’re there every week, and I cannot figure it out, the music is almost a hundred percent shite and I fucking loathe karaoke.

He's a charmer. XD And for something a little more traditional, in A Beautiful Day In Eregion:

It is a beautiful day in Eregion. Celebrimbor sips at his morning mug of tea on his balcony and drinks in, too, the warmth of the sun and the singing of the birds, the gentle breeze upon his face. It is a beautiful day, and his greatest work is almost complete.

wheeee, thank you so much for asking! <3333333 anyone else fancy asking me some year-in-review fic questions? :D :D :D

[ask-a-bot]

oh, starscream, when you mentioned aviator flu, that reminded me! ive had to carry away two perfectly good bird carcasses to the woods so far :( i love birds they were so heartbreakingly light wahhh.. im not sure what the first one was but i know the second one last week was a swallow! they're very common where i live and they like nesting near barns and similar places :)

i wish i had had some sort of method to preserve them! ill need to look into those for sure, because its not a want it's a need. im sure you understand!!

side note, i also want to preserve the body part of one of my pets some day. they mean a lot to me and having that would be such a sweet way of always having them with me, imo :)

do you have any pets btw? or did you ever want to? earth animal or not, i wanna hear about 'em! i like speculative biology by the way. :) sorry

-🥩

I love swallows! They've got so many different names and they travel to Africa every winter and then to America and Europe for the summertime. I've been watching some here. They're really beautiful. Similar birds are martins (some nest in holes in cliffs and steep riverbanks and other kinds nest on houses – they make a gun-like noise when they're on the wing, so you always know it's them and not swallows) and swifts (they only ever land when they're tending their nests/young. They make a "wheeee" sound that's very loud – you can hear them through double-glazed windows and they've got long, curved wings that are much longer than swallows' and martins' wings). I hope I'm not boring you.

If you can't keep their bodies, could you photograph them? Maybe you could even send pictures to a local organisation or something that looks after wildlife in your area, for their records. I think Dot would be interested, if you were in her area.

It's worth looking into. Many organisations have forums, websites and even Flickr groups you can submit pictures, sound/video recordings and observations to. Pictures and sound don't have to be expert-level, but you do need to be able to recognise the bird or animal.

Dead specimens are usually OK (but check) if they're... you know... intact and not... gross. I recommend against submitting disturbing images unless a site, group or forum states otherwise.

I hope that helps!

Sorry, Star. I jumped in without asking when I heard my name.

It's fine. That was helpful. I wouldn't've thought of Flickr. That's a good idea. I might look into signing up myself.

I haven't got any pets, but I'd like a dog. There are some spectacular breeds from Cybertron that I'd love to own. Megatron says I'm too immature.

Well... maybe you need to show him how responsible you can be.

I've been looking after Calla! That's a lot of work.

Yeah, but her poop isn't as smelly as a carnivore's poop. Calla doesn't need housebreaking. She doesn't whine and paw at you for attention when you're busy. A puppy is with you in the house. They chew. They get into mischief. They pee and poop a lot. You have to watch them and train them and if you don't put the time in you end up with disobedient, destructive, dirty animals you can't trust inside your house.

Thank you. It's nice to know you have so little faith in my abilities.

What? No! No, I didn't mean that. It's just... you need to make sure you're ready for all of that. It's a lot. It's like having kids, only kids can tell you when they feel sick or something hurts or... whatever.

... Noted.

[tansyuduri]

Top Ten TV

Rules: Game: Add 10 gifs from your favorite shows and tag 10 people.

I was tagged by @godmerlin Thank ya so much! SOO

My love! My favorite! I adore you so much! Merlin until recently was a show I would rewatch every year. THEN one of my RP servers when down for months and my mind was like HEY YOU NEED DOPAMINE KNOW THAT SHOW? It's a special intrest now. Merlin and Arthur were always my favs. But I read two merthur fanfics, realized hey this actually worked, watched the show with new eyes, decided to write a small oneshot. And then It was not a one shot, And then there was a sequal and a prequal... then I was writing more stuff! This show showed me I could write again after a long time thinking I could not.

My second favoirite show is Avatar the Last Airbender I guess and my fav character is actually Aang. I like his nonconfrontationalness I kinda also have that trait and you do not often see it in fiction.

(Now from here on out they don't really have an order?

I really like the show The Tudors. I don't require historical accuricy in shows about the time period that is a special interst to me. I can enjoy the shows seperatly and be like that did not happen! But the tudors is weard because it is very much NOT historicaluy accurate as a whole but somtimes, Dialouge and scenes are pretty much ripped from the firsthand acounts of the period. This is also the show were both Natalie Dormer and Henry Cavill got their start. Fun fact Katie McGrath was actually working on costume design on this show and someone told her she should try acting. She got a very small role in the show then went on to land Morgana in Merlin. ALSO this show makes me cry so MUCH

I didn't get into Shadow and Bone on my first try. After season two aired I tried is again with a freind of mine and loved it. I'm so upset it was canceled!

With Brigerton I actually started with the Spin off Queen Charlotte (I'm counting spin offs and their original show as the same show usually so I can have more shoes listed here WHEEEE.) Anyhoo Queen Charlotte won me over with it having a romantic male lead with mental Ilness. and I enjoyed it! So I watched Brigerton too. Eloise is pretty much teenage me.

The boys and Gen V got me with its plot and commantary on American society. Alright it kinda helps that I've never really liked the idea of super heros. This is pretty much the only superhero media I consume along with one animated show my sister had me watch once. My favorite from the original Series is Hughie and my fav from Gev V is Jordan.

Okay so yeah! Dr Who. I stopped watching shortly after 11 left and came back for 14 and 15. My fav doctors are 11 and 15 so far! I adore Martha and Donna the best.

So The Last Kingdom was a show that my freind really liked and we watched together. I hated Uhtred in season 1 but came to enjoy him later. I LOVED These two in the gif, I WAS HERE FOR THEM SHIPPING THEM IN THE LAST SEASON. You know how that turned out if you watch the show. I have never hated on a character as much as I did on a certain king. THEM. <3

I am very much enjoying House Of The Dragon. I was a GOT fan until the end season even if it started going downhil before that. No I am not team black or team green. I can see both viewpoints. So I'm just here to watch people freak out over it. And enjoy it myself. And Cheer for Healana while waiting in dred due to having read the book it's based on. I'm upset the seem to have gotten rid of Nettles though.

Derry Girls is the show on this list I watched most recently. I did not really like the first episode but from there I adored them all. Clare and Orla are my Favs. But the entire cast is great.

@shana-rosee @tiny-and-witchyn @poisonedfate @theroundbartable @247merthur

@saurix5 @akelafang @kairenn-n @kadenemrys @pendragonsclotpole

[suzannahnatters]

OKAY I finished Love Like the Galaxy today so here are my live reaccs to eps 28-42 (originally posted on Bluesky). Putting them under a cut because they run long!!!

oh man this scene!!! I've seen the same kind of scene play out so often with all the apologising done by the fml and none by the mml…but in this one she tells him her attitude towards him will depend on HIS future actions, and then HE GIVES HER A SNACK our boy is Doing the Work I am proud of him

and now: he will quietly support and encourage her while she seeks to deal with her social enemies in her own way??? I LOVE IT SO MUCH ?? exquisite

we get a look at poor Wang Ling's family and this really could be Overbearing Asian Mothers: The Historical Drama

I can sympathise with NN and Murder General because if I too had someone share a forehead kiss with me I would not be able to sleep all night either

deeply thrilled that NN now gets to do the Dramatic Swooping In To Save Someone - and oh look she's got a maternal figure who's actually kind and loving to her now :')

Oh my, I love how every time he tries to tell her not to get involved in something bc of deep waters, she makes the point that she really needs to do the thing, and he LISTENS. Every time he says "this is for your own good" she claps back with why it's better for her to know & be involved.

This is the platonic ideal of cdramas for me

I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to find Consort Yue to be awesome or intolerable but she's leaning intolerable for me with this public haranguing of all her children (and some of other people's). Glad NN bagged the Empress as her etiquette mentor

Well I didn't expect the money counterfeiting subplot to peak so early but that's terrific, I can do without coinage plots lol

Truly puzzled as to what the show means by all this imperial family drama. The parents seem just as toxic as NN's parents but we're supposed to think it's okay because a) their children had every advantage and some of them still wound up rotten at heart? and b) the town children aren't just committing crimes against family - they're crimes against the empire? I'm afraid the parallels ring a bit hollow to me because I truly think the Emperor and Consort Yue are also terrible parents

Interestingly, Murder General says the Emperor will not treat the counterfeiting as harshly as the law provides "because of fairness". We saw Bad Mum also using "fairness" as an excuse to deny NN things that would benefit her as compared to her cousin. Again, wondering what the parallels are saying.

Bad mum is now having sad violins because NN is finally learning that being a parent is hard…but she's learning from the Empress lol the only thing I have to say to that is SUFFER, MA'AM

NN is now reassuring the Empress that parents who patiently teach rather than criticise their children are the best, & she's been commending the crown Prince for being gentle & compassionate rather than a cold politician, so I'm beginning to wonder if there's a muted critique of the imperial family

This Tiger Tally thing is totally going to be stolen within the next two episodes isn't it

Thanks a lot murder general

ooohh she lied to him and he's big mad about it

"here are all the reasons why your actions have made things worse for me and the people you care about" maybe you should have told her those things first, GENIUS

AHAHAHAHAHAHA now she's saying that exact thing herself I LOVE THIS SHOW

annnnnd the Tiger Tally is gone and it's time for Murder General, Boy Detective! to save the - wait, what is Niao Niao doing here

*ancient Chinese man falls in love with woman for independent spirit and quick wits, horrified when she insists upon using them*

did she,,,did she forge the Tiger Tally lol

Murder general realises he needs to let NN do all the things he fell in love with her for. Congrats Niao Niao you've levelled up and unlocked Tragic And Highly Disturbing Family Reunion

wheeee NN says being filial is only possible if the parents earn it by conducting themselves well if I was murder general I would also be kissing her at this point

pov: you're sitting at your betrothal feast and someone comes in with a message from your absent beloved: "whatever happens next, don't be flustered. shout and scream however you feel is appropriate" the hEcK Zisheng

one of the things that absolutely staggers me about Smug Scholar is that HE doesn't want to get married, least of all to NN, he just wants to make sure nobody else can marry her either

ahhh first Qiqi and Bad Mum are defending her now - and then the Empress turns up? I'm sure murder general had something to do with the Empress, but I love that he's now helping NN solve problems in her own way

all the elders are squabbling and our leads are just chilling affectionately in the background it's hilarious

I mean after they stole the spotlight at Snacks' betrothal feast it's probably fair

Oh no NN is now the Empress' adopted perfect daughter who gets all the attention…and Fifth Princess is NOT happy. More parallels!

"tonight, I'll teach you how to recognise acupoints" is that what they're calling it these days

Murder general is highly trained in the Romance Novel Cover Clinch school of self defence

"from now on, my Gate of Life will be yours" V U L N E R A B I L I T Y

NN is a darling who is determined to protect her Empress' favourite son but girlfriend,,, you do realise you can't babysit this disaster couple through ruling an entire empire don't you

ahahahahaha he's doing the "what am I going to do if you get hurt" thing and she's not having a bar of it

this show just speedrunning all my least favourite tropes with a heroine who Won't Be Flim Flammed and it's BEAUTIFUL

it is time for murder general to go a little unhinged, as a treat drinking tea while listening to the shrieks of his enemies, as you do

I am loving so much, so very much, about this show…but I'm finding the humiliation of the antagonists to be a little too thorough and mean-spirited to enjoy, even tho I can see how it is intended to fit in with the themes of fighting for yourself.

Where does the line between justice and vindictiveness lie, especially in a social setting with injustice hard-baked in? One of the principles of justice (at least in the west) is that it must be proportionate to the crime. But the humiliation dealt out in this show often feels excessive to me.

ep38: every single last one of these people is absolutely bonkers insane, except the Empress

I laughed way harder than I should. I love that NN told two different people to shut up in the emperor's presence. I love that NN has this moment of piercing identification with murder general when she sees him being beaten the way she was. I think the emperor is rubbish, & I think the show knows it

He promises NN that he won't ever lie to her and I have every expectation that this promise will be broken, just like every other cdrama hero breaks that promise

except that I also trust NN to make sure he doesn't get away with it, which is what makes this drama so MUCH fun

murder mystery break!!!! there's all sorts of interesting thematic stuff going on here about communal/family responsibility to educate and socialise children, as well as the difference in appropriate behaviour in the private vs public spheres. But it's fun that our leads are doing it together.

I could not ask for a better Exasperated Watson to NN's Sherlock Holmes than Smug Scholar, whom she now diagnoses with Extreme Sour Grapes in two seconds flat

NN telling the murderer that murder general will naturally let him go in return for NN's safe return…she sure is a tricky one

Of course she had a knife, she's not an IDIOT, Zisheng

Emperor: out of consideration of your family's reduced circumstances I will not be executing you for your part in the cataclysm that left murder general an orphan

murder general: truly epic side eye

all of them are definitely dead

I love murder general because he can turn anything as simple as buying sweets for his fiancée into a production of SPARTACUS

Our girl is dressed as a boy, sneaking around the army camp looking for murder general. Murder General's personal army of beefy warriors is sneaking around the camp trying not to catch Niao Niao while dropping loud hints about where to find his tent. Cdramas, man.

"from now on, you can leave the needlework to me" ling buyi is officially the man of my dreams

well, just as the military expedition around eps 11-12 signalled the end of the first act, so this new expedition feels like it signals the start of the final act. NN and her murder puppy have reached such a situation of love and trust that I can feel the pin approaching the balloon.

he's about to catch peng kun and find out some things, isn't he??? murder party revenge WHEN