#where has Pentatonix even been lately actually

[brooklynisher]

It feels weird to say because it's such a popular song and it was also a big meme song back in the Vine days, but I think Mad World is very Commander Cosmo-coded

Specifically the Pentatonix version because I don't associate it with the meme and also it sounds a lot more intense compared to the original which sounds very soft. I feel Commander Cosmo is more intense than he is soft. Also, I just like their version more

[miss-tc-nova]

The Lives We Want - Leona x Jamil

Heya! @completeanduttermess​ Happy late new year to you too!

Thank you for asking for this! I’ve had writing on the back burner for too long and this is just what I needed! Also, sorry it took so long, work is dumb. But I had fun! Could’ve had a neater ending, but I just wanna write all the interactions!!! Meaning this is a lot longer than I meant for it to be. C’est la vie.

Music Inspiration: Water by Pentatonix

Words: 3,241

Premise: Leona gives Jamil the opportunity he’s always dreamed of, but Jamil hesitates. 

~~~~~

              Steady hands clasp the belt around his waist. Black fabric billows, the gold embroidery glittering as the hood veils his face. Dark eyes survey his appearance in the mirror.

              Wearing the school’s ceremonial robes has always brought an unexpected peace. Though the rebellious heart longed to show the world his true strength, the mind held enough discipline to know that was dangerous. Still, in these clothes, slithering through the school with no one the wiser to his identity was child’s play. There were no responsibilities to anyone and nothing to hold him back so long as none could discern him from the rest of the crowd.

              Reigning in his fantasies, Jamil checks his appearance again without the narcissism—it wouldn’t do to have the retainer of the Asim prince looking unkempt in any way. Finding not a single flaw, he takes his leave of his room to that of his ward’s. And gods if he didn’t need to do that; the young royal hasn’t even clambered out of bed yet. Perhaps Jamil would live longer if Kalim wasn’t such a chaotic soul with no sense of responsibility.

              With both boys finally presentable, Jamil follows Kalim through the dorm mirror and towards the school. On the other side, they meld into the sea of hundreds of other students, dressed in the same formal attire. This is when the somber blanket falls upon the retainer.

              Today is graduation day. Night Raven College is about to send its senior students off into the world to officially begin life. Today is a day of goodbyes—a day where numerous connections will be severed and many will part ways. Though Jamil thought he’d been suitably prepared, cracks begin to mar the defenses around his heart.

              Jaw clenched, the young man lowers his head. His pace slows, allowing Kalim to slip ahead while he loses himself among the other faceless students.

              Dammit.

              He had so thoroughly convinced himself that he was ready to say his farewells. It was natural after all—nobody expects high school relationships to last forever. Surely his couldn’t be any different. It’s not as if he’d actually gotten to see his boyfriend much this last year anyway. Fourth years were expected to gain real-life experiences with their internships off campus and his beloved was no exception. For twelve months, their relationship had been more words on a screen than real affection and Jamil tried to use that time to wean himself off this delusion. Apparently, it didn’t work.

              Now stationary, the Scarabian vice-housewarden lets the others filter past. He knows that he must inevitably force himself to attend the ceremony, but whispers from his heart beg him not to let this happen.

              Shoes of those walking past blur, water threatening to blind him.

              “You ain’t thrilled to be here either, huh.”

              A clawed grip holds his heart precariously, threatening to puncture it should Jamil lose control. Still, he lifts his gaze to meet that of his boyfriend, Leona Kingscholar. The second prince of the Sunset Savana has never been fond of formal events, but even he seems particularly loathsome today. Dark rings line emerald eyes, highlighting the contempt overflowing in them. His mouth sits in a hard line as if he’s already come to terms with his decision.

              Unable to bring sound to his lips, Jamil looks away.

              “Good.”

              Suddenly, a saffron jewel meets his chin, the pen tipping his face back towards Leona. There’s resolve burning in the lion’s gaze that raises alarms.

              “Slip into silent slumber. Sail on a silver mist.” A gentle glow illuminates the magestone. “Slowly and surely your senses will cease to resist.”

              By the time Jamil puts all the pieces together, it’s too late. Heavy fog infests his mind, seeping through his nerves to weigh on his body. Darkness descends on him as his consciousness begins to slip. Escape is futile as the grip on his robes keeps him close. Only Leona could have gotten Jamil to let his guard down long enough for this to happen.

              The last thing he’s aware of are the final words of the incantation whispered into his ear, almost as if pleading with him.

              “Trust in me.”

~~~~~

              In all his life, Jamil has never known his body to feel this heavy. Every limb feels like lead and resists even the smallest movements. An irritating burn lies behind his eyelids that convinces him to doze a little longer. On the other hand, his world is spinning, churning at his stomach and attempting to rouse him.

              That nausea begins to win over the inertia. It takes an absurd effort to roll onto his side before he finally manages to pry his eyes open.

              Bad idea.

              Immediately, eyes clamp shut again. Jamil hides his face, hands clutching desperately at the pillow in an attempt to get the world to just slow down. A groan drowns in the fabric.

              Muffled noises break through the external smog, somehow ringing familiar. There’s no chance to make sense of anything though before his stomach gives one last protesting turn.

              Jamil bolts upright, falling sick into the wastebin shoved into his arms.

              “Guess it’s not surprising that a stronger sleep spell would have stronger side effects.”

              Dark blurs begin to sort themselves out and those charcoal eyes find the man sitting beside him. He’s muscular with olive skin. Black hair falls just past his jawline, nestling a pair of brown ears at the top of his head. These features somehow lie in the uncanny valley—familiar yet in an odd, unsure way. But it’s the eyes that give him away. Even if it weren’t for the scar across the left, those eyes visit Jamil in even his dreams.

              Fury seethes through Jamil as he snatches the front of Leona’s shirt. Despite coming out ragged, his words show his ire.

              “What did you do?”

              It’s infuriating that the lion doesn’t even flinch beneath the snake’s glare. There’s no annoyance or regret or anything from him—just acceptance.

              “I gave you a chance.”

              Jamil’s anger falters. “What?”

              Hands stained with ink take the basket from him. “Go clean up. Then we’ll talk.”

              Leona’s complete lack of reaction has Jamil baffled. He watches in silence as the elder leaves through a door that lets silver moonlight spill in before it closes behind him.

              Alone, Jamil surveys the room. The walls haven’t seen a fresh coat of paint in years. Across from the bed he sits on is a TV that must’ve been bought ages ago and the dresser beneath it is such an old design. The chairs sitting in the corner would never be found in any sane person’s home, yet they match the curtains just as ugly. Even this bedspread is some horrid mess of red and orange.

              To the right is a counter embedded with a sink. Smeared across the mock porcelain is black pigment cluttered with clumps of hair. He could’ve made an entire cat with the amount scattered everywhere.

              And there he is, staring back at himself from the mirror above the counter. He seems perfectly fine, though his skin is a bit pale from the fatigue. He’s even still wearing the ceremonial robes. Unlike Leona, Jamil is still perfectly Jamil, if only a little sick.

              The snake takes a moment of asses his situation. Yes, he’s been kidnapped, but Leona would never intentionally harm him. His boyfriend is smart and rational, so there must be some reason behind this ordeal. But until he returns for questioning, Jamil decides to take his advice and clean himself up.

              Lying at the foot of the bed are some bags, one looking a lot like his. Pulling it open, he finds his own things; Leona packed this for him. This was premeditated for who knows how long.

              Jamil takes a change of clothes into the small bathroom. The water cools his skin and soothes his dizzy head. Afterwards, he feels significantly better, especially upon finding his favorite hoodie stashed among his things.

              Clean—stable—Jamil sits back on the bed. There’s still no sign of Leona yet, so without much else to do, he turns to the TV for some distraction. Of course there’s not much of a selection in terms of channels—soap operas that’ve run for decades and lost the plot, the news showing his face, cartoon reruns.

              Wait, what?!

              Jamil flips back to the news and, sure enough, photos of him and Leona are on display behind the news anchor.

              “It’s been three days since the Night Raven College graduation ceremony as well as the last day anyone has seen or heard from missing students: Leona Kingscholar and Jamil Viper.”

              Three days?! It’s been three days?!

              “Police have yet to find any clues to the missing boys’ whereabouts and the school is under heavy fire from parents of other students asking what if their children are next.”

              Jamil watches in horror as a clip of his family plays, begging for someone—anyone—to help find their son. Leona’s family also seems shaken about his disappearance as his nephew cries in the queen’s arms.

              The door opens. Immediately, his eyes find the screen, narrowing in disappointment.

              “They’re still playing the bullshit?” he sighs, closing the door behind him.

              “Leona, what did you do?” Jamil presses.

              He drops a shopping bag on the table in the corner. “I did what was best.”

              “’What was best?!’ We’ve been reported missing! Authorities are out looking for us!”

              “So what. They’re not gonna find us.” Arms fold, his tail flickering in irritation.

              Standing, Jamil presses his hands to his face, no closer to understanding than when he woke. He hadn’t considered that Leona wouldn’t want to be found, though the signs are glaringly obvious. Still, he didn’t think the prodigy strategist would do something so reckless.

              “You have to be kidding me. I can’t be here right now! What if something happens to Kalim?!”

              That tail goes from flickering to thrashing. Though the beginnings of a snarl pull at Leona’s lips, Jamil doesn’t hesitate.

              “If something happens to him, I’m screwed! The royal family will have my head!”

              Shoulders tense, ears drawn.

              “What the hell were you thinking?!”

              The fangs finally show. “I WAS THINKING YOU DESERVE TO BE FREE!”

              Jamil’s mouth falls open. But the lion isn’t done roaring yet.

              “Do you even hear yourself?! You’ve bene kidnapped and all you can think about is that pathetic prince!” It’s Jamil’s turn to bite his tongue. “You think I’m fine watching you, day in and day out, follow that sorry excuse of a leader when you should be ruling him?! You could ruin that kid without breaking a sweat! But you chose to conceal all that potential ‘cause you’re afraid of breakin’ some moronic hierarchy that doesn’t even acknowledge your efforts! And I’m sick of pretending that it’s fine! We could go out there and you can actually have a life! Travel the world, hole up in some little nowhere town—I don’t care! But you wouldn’t have to hide who you are anymore.”

              His words pierce like arrows. This is what Leona thought of him—he saw the effort that Jamil put into his life and the potential despite Jamil’s best efforts. He saw Jamil for who he was and cared anyway. While Jamil had been preparing to sever this relationship—even though he cherished it more than anything—Leona had been planning to fight for it. Theirs has never been a typical relationship in any sense, but it was things like this that proved the royal cared for a lowly snake like Jamil Viper. And that frightens him.

              “So you were just going to abduct me and force me to go with you?” He hates every word coming from his mouth. “You weren’t going to even ask me if this is what I wanted?”

              Chin tipping in defiance, Leona backs his prey into the corner. “I know you want this.” Before Jamil can spit back, the lion adds, “And don’t pretend you don’t. This is everything you’ve ever wanted: no master to answer to, freedom from responsibility, the ability to make your own choices. You don’t have to hide all that desire you think is so cleverly concealed.”

              Jamil’s lips purse without a retort.

              “But by all means, leave.” Claws sink into Jamil’s heart. A fire burns in his gaze as he continues. “Go back to the miserable life you hate so much. Grovel at the feet of the Asims and beg for their forgiveness for your transgression. But I’m not goin’ back just to watch you suffer. So leave me out of it.”

              “Leona…” He doesn’t know what else to say.

              Leona pulls the magic pen from his pocket, tracing the door to the room. When it tears open, Jamil’s room back in Scarabia is on the other side.

              Radiating his bitterness, Leona waves to the opening. “There’s the door.”

              He leaves it wide open for the snake, stalking past him to the bathroom where the door slams shut behind him.

              Every drop of distress and tension leave Jamil with a sigh. Leona’s proposal—while sweet and considerate—is unrealistic. People can’t just drop their lives at any moment; Jamil has responsibilities and others to think about. He can’t stay here.

              Picking up the bag of his belongings, Jamil approaches the portal. However, rather than stepping through, he finds himself hesitating at the threshold.

              Eyes scan across the room that represents his life thus far. The more he looks, the more he finds a room that belongs to a servant than himself. Books studied only to keep Kalim from failing, a closet full of clothes chosen only to make the Asim family appear as generous masters, a full first-aid kit meant to tend to the prince in an emergency: this isn’t Jamil’s room—not by choice.

              Just like his life.

              Suddenly, the door across the room opens. A familiar young man stands there, looking further down the hall.

              “Yeah, I’m fine. I just wanna check Jamil’s room for—”

              Crimson eyes catch sight of the man standing in the portal. His face is swollen from the tears, some having left fresh trails along his cheeks. He looks haphazardly dressed, hardly any of his clothes fastened correctly. He’s a mess but the relief at the sight of his retainer is genuine.

              For the first time, Jamil looks at Kalim and sees not the prince but the person. Kalim asked for this life just as much as Jamil had; he was just dealt a better hand. Even so, in all his ignorance, he just wanted others to enjoy themselves. It may have meant more work for Jamil more often than not, but his intentions were that Jamil would enjoy himself too. He was a fool, sure, but he wasn’t a villain.

              “Jamil!”

              Kalim rushes for his friend. Pure adrenaline floods Jamil’s system and, before he can even think, the door slams shut. Whatever magic Leona used fades, reconnecting the door to its proper space at the motel.

              Silence fills the room as the realization of his choice washes over him. Leona was right about him—about everything. He may not hate Kalim, but going back would be the worst mistake.

              Especially when he has…

              A creak draws attention back to the bathroom door. He’s still not quite used to the dark head of hair that pokes out. The look of misery instantly turns to suspicion.

              “Weren’t you supposed to be leaving?” Oh, he’s upset.

              The shock of his own rebellion still fresh, Jamil deflects the question. “You were going to ruin your own life just to free me?”

              “Look around you—that life’s already ruined.” There’s no eye contact. “Not like there’s much of a life for a second prince anyway. Falena and the whole Sunset Savana can go to hell.”

              It’s not outright, but Jamil gets the message loud and clear. Leona cares about Jamil more than the life of a royal. And now Jamil can say with complete confidence the he would choose this chance with Leona over everything.

              “That’s not really that convincing; you used to say that even before you committed a felony,” Jamil teases. Even as he does, he lets the bag fall from his shoulder and strolls around the bed.

              “What d’you want from me?” Leona huffs.

              Jamil’s arms snake around his waist, hand clutching tightly at the man he had almost let slip through his fingers. There’s resistance for only a second or two before Leona hugs him back. The heartbeat against his ear, the warmth wrapped around him, the addictive scent: he can’t believe he actually considered letting this go.

              A kiss to his forehead infects Jamil with a warm euphoria. Leaning back, he glances up to meet that expression of adoration.

              But he’s just still not used to it.

              “Okay, what the hell did you do to your hair?”

              A rough hand shoves through the mutilated mane in agitation. “What? I figured it would buy me at least a few weeks before anyone figured me out. By then, we’d already be long gone.”

              Jamil sighs. “Sit down. Let me fix it.”

              “As if you can do any better.”

              The snake scoffs. “You think I let anyone near Kalim with a pair of scissors? I barely let Kalim near Kalim with a pair of scissors. At the very least I can clean it up.” Leona lets him push him into a chair. “I can’t believe you went out looking like this.”

              An ear flickers. “Hey.”

              “You even forgot to die the end of your tail. Everyone’s going to know black isn’t your natural color.”

              “This is some fuckin’ gratitude you got goin’ on.”

              Jamil chuckles. In one fist, all his hair is pulled back. Leona’s brows rise when the scissors follow. There’s no going back when his hand closes, blades shearing right through years upon years of growth. Barely longer than Leona’s now, his hair brushes against his chin.

              He places the fistful of hair on the counter. “Better?”

              There’s a smirk. “You’re gettin’ there.” Smile wider—cheesier—Leona looks up. “We could dye it green or pink or somethin’.”

              A finger taps to Leona’s nose. “I don’t think so. Besides, I thought we were trying to keep a low profile.”

              “Fiiiine. So where do you wanna go first?”

              Jamil starts his work of fixing Leona’s hair. “Dunno. We might have to hitchhike somewhere and get jobs if we want to actually get anywhere.”

              “Probably not for the first couple o’ years.”

              “What do you mean?”

              “We could go anywhere, right now.”

              Jamil doesn’t follow. “Leona, we don’t have the money.”

              That grin has Jamil second-guessing himself, but the lion stands and grabs one of the duffle bags. He then unceremoniously dumps an entire bag of high value bills onto the bed. It’s more than Jamil could’ve hoped to earn in his entire life.

              “This is everything I had in my bank account.” Leona looks so smug with himself right now. “So, where to first?”

              Despite the shock and embarrassment, Jamil can’t hide the smile behind his hand. Scissors fall to the floor, freeing up his hands as he lunges at Leona. They fall onto the bed, onto the money, kissing and laughing. Nothing could dampen their spirits right now. They have their whole lives ahead of them. They have the world in their hands. They have their freedom.

              They have each other.

[authenticcadence18]

30 Questions About Me

THANKS FOR THE TAG @bugaboo-n-bananoir ILY!!!!

(Nick)name: Cadence

gender: cis female

Star sign: Pisces

Height: uhhhhh I am not sure, it’s taller than 5ft at least

Time: night! (Well I wrote most of this last night, but now it’s the evening of the next day!)

Birthday: well I’m a Pisces, so my birthday is between Feb 19th and march 20th!

Fave band/group: Pentatonix! Or For King and Country. Or the piano guys, the vitamin string quartet, Voctave.....also Phineas and the Ferbtones👌

Fave solo artists: I really like Lauren Daigle, and Jackie Evancho used to be my FAVE. Aaand idk if this counts but Michael Giacchino! love his scores, especially the score for Inside Out. There’s also this guy called Clay Kramer on YouTube who makes KK Slider covers of popular music, his stuff gives me so much seratonin😅

Song Stuck in my Head: Well I’m listening to music rn and “I’m Me” from Phineas and Ferb is on so I’ll say that! (I’ll revisit this one when I finish the list and update it with whatever song i’m listening to/is stuck in my head then) (ok the music has since been turned off and now I have “Status Quo” from High School Musical stuck in my head so! There ya go!) (now it is the next day, and I’ve got “when the party’s over” stuck in my head...i think these three songs are an accurate reflection of my taste in music🤣)

Last Movie: uhhhhh oh yeah, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice! It was SO GREAT because Jay Baruchel plays the main character (and the main character is super awkward), so I felt like I was watching Hiccup from the How To Train Your Dragon franchise learn magic and it was GLORIOUS. And also Nicholas Cage is great. And I liked the love interest in the movie as well!! She had a role to play in the story and felt authentic and genuine, which I appreciated!

Last Show: ok well the last show I watched by myself was Phineas and Ferb! Specifically, the episode with the Mardi Gras block party and then the one where Candace and Stacy compete in an obstacle course against Isabella and Ginger (omg wAIT ginger and Stacy are sisters and Isabella and Candace are GOING to be sisters mY HEART I—AH🥺). I hadn’t watched those episodes in forever, so they were really fun to revisit! I think the last actual show I watched was Kids Baking Championship or something, lol. (Those kids are AMAZING. So skilled!)

When i created this blog: November 2019! It was riiiight after the season 3 finale of miraculous aired and absolutely wrecked my emotions. I had some fanfic written that I’d never posted and had been thinking about making a tumblr/ao3 for awhile, and seeing the finale made me finally go, “.....you know what, yeah. The finale is aired, no more spoilers.....it’s time to make a blog.” So I did! And I posted my first fic! And I’m so happy i did :)

What Do I Post: a bunch of multi fandom stuff XD. This blog started off as 90% Miraculous, 10% other fandoms I like...but now it’s just kind of a hodgepoge of my favorite fandoms (with a focus on Phineas and Ferb, lol). I reblog a lot of posts, and then I post original stuff too! I write fanfic, nowadays for Phineas and Ferb but for Miraculous in the past (and probably in the future!), I draw art (mostly Phinabella art because I’ve been drawing them since i was 11 and it feels good to return to my roots), and OCCASIONALLY I will write an analysis post (I’ve got one in the works rn actually 👀), attempt to make a meme, or dip my toe into salt just SLIGHTLY before quickly backing away, lol. If I were to list the fandoms I post about in the order of how frequently I post about them, I’d probably say: Phineas and Ferb, Miraculous....and thennnnn everything else is pretty random and depends on the day, lol.

Last thing i googled: Jay Baruchel 😂. Couldn’t remember how to spell his last name!

Other blogs: this is my only blog! Sometimes I think about making a separate blog for my art and writing, but I am not sure if I should or not....maybe I will someday, but idk. I also have an AO3 for fanfic and an Instagram for art! All are under the name “authenticcadence18.”

Do I get asks: sometimes, yeah!! Sometimes I reblog ask games/prompts and get some asks for those (I’ve got so many prompts in my inbox I want to write/draw things for...ah it’s fine, I’ll get to it eventually😅), and sometimes lovely people will leave thoughts or nice messages in my inbox🥺💕. I’ve got a specific tag for all those nice messages so I can read back over them whenever I need a boost!

Why this url: it’s a music pun! When a song/section of a piece of music ends with a dominant chord resolving to a tonic chord (if you’ve read a certain fic of mine you should know allll about dominant and tonic chords👀🤣), it’s called an authentic cadence! There are different kinds of cadences, and authentic ones are my favorite. One example of this is “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” I also use this blog to be my authentic, fandom-loving self! So I like authentic cadences, and also, I’m Cadence and using this blog to be authentic! Woo! (And 18 is just my favorite number, lol) I’m glad I ended up choosing a name that doesn’t tie to a specific fandom becaaaaaause this ended up being a multi fandom blog!

Following: 232!!

Followers: 292!!! (THANKS SO MUCH Y’ALL ILY 💕)

Average amount of sleep: wellllll for the past week and a half I was sick so I was probably getting 9ish hours a night (because I would sleep in really late, lol). but NOW? In my immediate future? I suspect my average amount of sleep is going to go down because I’m really bad about staying up late even when I have to get up early😅. Hoping to be good about getting at least 7ish hours a night!

Lucky number: 18! But y’all probably already guessed that, lol.

Instruments: my voice, piano, ukulele, viola (but it’s been a HOT minute), aaaand i used to be able to play guitar but then I got a ukulele and forgot all the guitar chords. (I also dabble in songwriting! I primarily use voice and piano when writing music.)

What I’m wearing: my favorite sweatshirt (that was last night, rn I have on a tanktop), some leggings, and socks!

Dream job: I’m currently learning to be a teacher, and I LOVE teaching and working with kids so that is definitely a job I’m really excited about!!! I would also love to portray characters at Disney or something (well, maybe not at Disney because I hear they’re strict, but like....I want to be Rapunzel or Anna or something, that would be so fun). OR, I would LOVE to work in tv animation somehow, be it voice acting, writing scripts/music, and/or story boarding. basically if I could do what Dan and Swampy did for Phineas and Ferb/Milo Murphy’s Law, I would LOVE THAT. (Especially the writing music part. Getting to write music for established characters and get PAID for it would be SO COOL.!.!.!) Also I think it would be so fun to write Disney storybooks! Like, those books that are about Cinderella baking a cake or Ariel befriending a seahorse, stuff like that. Those brought me a ton of joy as a child!

Dream trip: I want to visit alllll the Disney parks someday😅. (Not right now because, ya know, Covid...but someday!)

Fave food: uhhh i really like pizza. And popcorn. Also hummus and guacamole!

nationality: American

Fave songs: “Times” by Tenth Avenue North; “Can’t Help Falling in Love” (I made an entire playlist of just this song when I first started writing my fic of the same name, so I like the original and a ton of covers of it!), “Show Yourself” from Frozen II, “What Might Have Been” from Phineas and Ferb (and lots of other songs from that show, i made a whole post about that once but I can’t find it, oof); “Rescue” by Lauren Daigle; “Thank You” by Pentatonix; “I See the Light” from Tangled; “Your Hands” by JJ Heller; “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran.....i like a loooot of songs so this is just the tip of the iceberg, but I think that’s good for now, LOL! (As soon as I post this I’m going to remember another song I love, lol)

last book: I got the book Unbirthday for Christmas! It’s basically Disney’s Alice in Wonderland, but if she’d never gone to wonderland and things went horribly wrong there. (I think, I’m not that far into it yet, lol)

Top 3 fictional universes I’d love to live in: 1. DANVILLE, PLS. Especially as a kid, I SO would’ve loved to hang out with Isabella and Phineas and the rest of the gang! Danville is so vibrant and unique and people are always randomly breaking into song there, that’s my kind of place! 2. Fairytopia (from the Barbie movies!) because I could be a fairy OR a mermaid OR BOTH and eat seeweed to breathe underwater even if I wasn’t a mermaid. Like, that’s the dream right there. (I’ve always loved mermaids and fairies, lol!) 3. Maybe San Fransokyo from Big Hero 6? All of the technology in that universe is really cool! And I would love to eat a noodle burger, lol .

Oh! That’s the last one! Wow! This was so FUN!!!!!!! Thanks again for the tag, Maddy!!!! :)

I’ll taaaag @sketchy-panda @macaronsforchat @simplynewyorkbound @inkjackets and anyone else who’d like to do this! (And pls don’t feel pressured to play at all, or answer all of the questions! I was definitely vague with a few of my answers, lol)

[theglowstickchronicles]

Guys, I was HELLA behind on FMLS90- but I'm still in it! Just caught up :) while I was waiting for the grocery store to open. Now I am off with my reusable bags to get my food for the week before coming home and continuing chores. I want to get as much done as possible before FOOTBALL starts!!! We're playing Kansas City at 4:25 today (@fatmaninalittlesuit I'm sure you'll be watching this game as well!) and I am SO NERVOUS. We have been... trash, lately. Last week's game was atrocious. I wish I had planned better and tried to go to the game, even though it would probably be crazy expensive and super cold, because my football buddies are in California on a mini vacation (their 3rd this season compared to my 0) and I only have local cable at home.

Anyway, here it is:

• 11/18 - How does holiday food play a role in your fitness journey? Do you have any positive or negative traditions that impact your journey? Share one of both.

Well, this was probably supposed to be about Thanksgiving feasts but here we are on December 8th! Honestly, we don’t really have any “traditions” beyond getting together and sharing a meal. In hindsight this Thanksgiving was probably my best, calorie-wise, because my brother-in-law’s sister did most of the cooking and did a lot of sides with bacon incorporated into them and, since I’m vegetarian, I did not partake. I had some DELICIOUS food, don’t get me wrong, and she made a to-die-for caprese salad… but most of the apps had bacon and several of the sides. I ended up having cheese and crackers, french onion tartlets (SOOO GOOD), chips & dip, mashed potatoes, and a plethora of vegetable sides. It also helped that I had to work overnight Thursday into Friday so I couldn’t have any wine 

• 11/19 - How does holiday stress play a role in your fitness journey? Do you have any especially stressful situations that make your physical or mental journey tough? How do / will you handle them?

Holidays don’t really stress me out, if we’re being honest. As of Dec. 6 I just need to pick up some alcohol and then some giftcards for my cousin’s kids, and I’m done Christmas shopping. I start my shopping November 1 every year. I don’t mind seeing my family -they’re dramatic, just like everyone else, but compared to my job? A few hours of family drama time is nothing. I do tend to hoard a bottle of wine to myself for the holidays but I’m not sober during non-holiday times, either, so that doesn’t really come into play.

• 11/20 - What role do family and friends play in your holidays? Are these mostly positive or negative? What do you want to change about this?

Mostly positives! I hosted my second annual Friendsgiving this year and it was fantastic. The one downside was I had been up for 44 hours but I think it went well. Honestly the only “downside” to friends/family during holidays is having to be in such close quarters with people because as much as I love them, someone inevitably has germs.

• 11/21 - Do you notice and physical / mental changes around this time of year? Do you have any strategies to deal with them?

I am always a sleepy bitch, but more so during the winter months due to the lack of sun. This M-F, not getting home till 5-6 every night, office has no window life is bullshit. We always jokes that nightshift never sees the sun but dude, until you’ve gone 5 days without sunlight, don’t even @ me. I am extra careful about taking my vitamins during this time of the year because I really do notice a difference in energy and mood without them (I have some vitamin deficiencies NOT related to my diet thank you).

• 11/22 - How do work / school commitments / events this time of year differ for you? Can this be used to your advantage in your fitness journey or are there steps you can take to minimize the challenges?

In the fall we have annual mandatory education at work which can be stressful but other than that, work does not change. This year was a little different because I picked up a second job and had orientation and have been working a lot to save up money for my many endeavors over the next 2 years (sister’s bridal shower / bachelorette /wedding, best friend’s bridal shower / bachelorette / wedding, everyone is turning 30 and wants to go all out -me included- wanting to go on more vacations, wanting to do a 29th birthday somethingl… the list is endless…. Lol)

• 11/23 - Do you have any plans to travel this year? If so, describe the challenges that creates and how you will handle them. If not, what can you do at home to set yourself up for success?

One semi-definite plan is my sister’s bachelorette in 2020! I don’t know when or where we’re going, but we’re going- which reminds me, I need to get my passport in case it ends up being Canada! I also would like to do a small trip for my 29th birthday. Originally I wanted to take a week off (I am close to vacation time caps at work) but we are OF COURSE having a new system go-live 6 days after my birthday and I’m like, top 5 most important people for the go-live. So we shall see. Perhaps a 3-day weekend for president’s day somewhere close?

• 11/24 - Share one tip with the community on how to stay healthy during the holidays.

I feel like any time I have to share a tip with the community I share the same one, but there it is: PREPARATION. For instance I have not meal prepped in 3 weeks and IT SHOWS. I’ve been feeling sluggish and gross, not working out like I should be, and not sleeping as well…. PREPARATION IS KEY!!!

• 11/25 - What are your general thoughts on gratitude and the role it plays in your mental health and happiness?

Being in healthcare puts a new perspective on gratitude. I’m answering this hella late so it’s not actually 11/25 and is several weeks post-Thanksgiving, but… yesterday I watched a daughter unexpectedly lose her mother in the worst possible way. She walked into the room and almost immediately told us to stop doing CPR. I am grateful for my family being here and healthy, I am grateful for my fellow healthcare providers, and I am grateful that this strong woman who was having the worst day of her life wanted one thing for her mother in the last moments of her life: peace.

• 11/26 - What are some past experiences I am grateful for? How did they shape my life for the better?

I am grateful for growing up the way I did. I can’t say I wouldn’t change things but being raised by who I was shaped me into who I am. I’m grateful I wasn’t just handed things and was forced to work for them. I was probably not super appreciative at age 16 when I had to pay for my own car, but as an adult I am SO happy that I learned the lesson of working hard.

• 11/27 - Who do I appreciate? Tell us about them and why you are grateful they are in your life.

Right now I am appreciating the nurse who took report from me last night! We’ll probably never meet again but thank you for listening to my rants, not judging my last-minute leaky IV (don’t worry, the patient had another one that worked fine), and for getting me out of there so quickly!

• 11/28 - It’s Thanksgiving Day in the U.S. Tell us what specifically you are Thankful for today.

On Thanksgiving I was grateful for friends, family, and awesome coworkers.

• 11/29 - What are some people / things I may be taking for granted? How can I better express my gratitude for these people / things in the future?

I sometimes take my dad especially for granted. I depend on him for things around the house that I don’t have the skills or knowledge to do, such as fix the deck or the running toilet or even hang things without punching a hole in the wall. In the future I want to express that I’d rather him teach me these things instead of just coming to do them.

• 11/30 - What are some future opportunities I have that I am grateful for?

Everyone’s wedding, and the Year of Turning 30 Extravaganza.

• 12/1 - Share one tip with the community on how to live life with at attitude of gratitude.

No one is grateful 100% of the time. I try to make it a point every day to think of what I have… friends, family, pets, house, car, food in my fridge, etc…. and remember that not everyone has those.

• 12/2 - Where are you on your personal mental health journey? What strengths and opportunities do you have?

The changing of the seasons, setting the clocks back, and the SNOW on December 1st took its toll. I am usually not a Christmas-decorations-the-day-after-Thanksgiving type of person, but this year that’s the day that worked for my family getting our trees (me, my dad, and my sister/brother in law all go together and my Dad drops the trees off with his pickup) so I decorated that weekend and began listening to Christmas music (Pentatonix, ayyyyy). It really HAS been a pick-me-up!!!

• 12/3 - What are some past experiences with mental heath work? What has worked well for you and what has not worked as well.

Personally? None. Professionally? Just what I give as a nurse.

• 12/4 - How is your mental health compared to a year ago? Are you remaining steady, improving or regressions? What do you need to do about it?

Well, this time last year I had been at my job for one day and had no idea what I was doing. Now I’ve been here for a year and know what I’m doing… 50% of the time? So my mental health has gotten better since I no longer feel like a fish out of water. It helps that I got a per diem at the bedside and have those opportunities to do direct patient care.

• 12/5 - How aware are you of your mental health? Are your your moods steady or do they ebb and flow? Are you aware when things are changing and do you have any experience / tips for heading off tough times?

Very aware of my mental health; you have to be, to survive in healthcare without getting serious burnout. I would say my moods ebb and flow, which isn’t abnormal. Tough times can be headed off by doing self care, and I don’t mean in the bath-bomb-face-mask type of way: do your laundry (and fold it straight out the dryer), wash the dishes, clean the house, meal prep… and maybe get a manicure.

• 12/6 - Have you noticed any patterns / cycles to your own mental health? Do the seasons, or specific holidays or other variables impact you in specific ways?

Not especially. Late fall / early winter tends to be hard due to the lack of sun, but I also have a vitamin D deficiency that for obvious reasons gets worse in the winter, and low vit D causes depressive symptoms.

• 12/7 - How are mental health and physical health connected? What are some of your experiences that show this in your life?

Well. In my personal and somewhat-work-related experience, being in poor physical health often has a negative impact on mental health. HOWEVER BEING IN POOR PHYSICAL HEALTH DOES NOT MEAN BEING OVERWEIGHT. Plenty of patients have normal BMIs and are in poor health, and plenty have BMIs that label them obese and are in good health. And being in good physical health does not mean you have good mental health. I guess what I want to say is that while they can influence one another, they are not directly correlated?

• 12/8 - Share one tip with the community about developing or maintaining your mental health.

Don’t let things pile up. And I mean that literally and figuratively. Clean your house and prep your food and for the love of God empty the trash from your car (no? just me?). But also… don’t dwell on things you cannot change, and don’t stew on things you can. Just do it. It will be worth the time, energy, and anxiety.

[periilune]

Answer all 200

damn okay you asked for it:

(this was asked a long time ago and its just being posted now bc its 200 fuckin questions f u kars jk love you)

1. What is your middle name?

Elizabeth

2. Do you have any nicknames?

Liz, Laur, Lau, Squid, Koala, Rhyne, Babe

3. Do you have any allergies?

Not to my knowledge

4. What is the longest your hair has ever been?

Too long,, like I could sit on it

5. Apple or PC?

PC

6. Favorite flavor?

In general probably some kinda cheese but for sweet stuff is cookie dough

7. Have you ever been on a blind date?

Bold of you to assume I’ve even been on a date (no I haven’t)

8. Are you friends with any of your exes?

2 of them actually!

9. What kind of car do you drive?

I can’t even drive,, but I have a Toyota Avalon waiting for me when I can

10. How grammatically correct are you when you text?

It really depends, I’m very correct when texting adults, decent when texting acquaintances, absolute disaster with good friends

11. What foreign country would you most like to visit and why?

Probs the UK or Italy, the UK bc I have several friends there and its very nice, and Italy for good food and good views

12. Creamy or chunky peanut butter?

Creamy all the way

13. Favorite food to pig out on?

Pizza

14. DC or Marvel?

Marvel!

15. Disney or Nickelodeon?

God idk,, probably Nickelodeon

16. Do you have any stickers on your laptop computer?

Yes, one from Kiawah Island (very nice place) and a couple random ones

17. Name/author of the last book you read cover to cover. Do you recommend it?

The Lost Hero by Rick Riordan, considering that was like my 3rd time reading it yeah I do

18. Do you read any magazines?

Nah

19. Coffee or tea?

Not a fan of either, I guess I’d pick coffee

20. What is your go-to Starbucks drink?

Red Velvet Frappucino

21. How many things can do with your weaker hand?

Oh You Know ;) in all honestly not much, I can catch because I used to play softball

22. Last show you binge watched?

Currently binge watching My Hero Academia!

23. Dogs or cats?

Cats

24. Favorite Disney princess?

Mulan or Moana I think

25. Do you like fast food?

Generally yeah

26. Favorite thing to cook for yourself?

Pasta and some type of garlic or cheesy or toasted bread

27. Favorite song to sing in the shower?

Currently Morning in America by John Bellion

28. Have you ever butt dialed anyone?

I don’t think so

29. iPhone/iPad or Android?

Android

30. Any styles of music you do not like?

Most country tbh, excluding John Denver n Carrie Underwood they’re both great

31. Have you ever kissed anyone of the same gender? If so, did you like it?

Not quite, but pretty close. We were dating so I’d say I liked it

32. Have you ever gotten a ticket while driving?

I can’t drive so no!

33. Favorite emoji?

💖 or 🍒 I think

34. Showers or baths?

Showers for convenience, but the occasional bath is nice to relax

35. Is there anything you regret buying?

Some clothes I have I don’t like, my fake airpods that don’t work

36. Are you fluent in more than one language?

Not yet, but I’m learning Spanish!

37. Any movie(s) you can watch over and over again and enjoy just as much every time?

Black Panther, The Last Unicorn, any of The Lord of the Rings trilogy

38. What is the heaviest you have ever weighed?

Around 155-160 pounds

39. Do you have any tattoos? If so, how many and where?

Not yet

40. Have you ever uttered a spoken hashtag?

Yep.

41. Favorite school subject?

I used to love English but not so much anymore, right now in in Psychology and its really cool tbh

42. Favorite non-chocolate candy?

Fuckin uh,, airheads are pretty good

43. Name one celebrity you dislike.

Johnny Depp is a shitty abuser.

44. If you could have one superpower, which one would you most like to have?

Telekinesis I think

45. From 1-10, rate your singing ability.

7

46. From 1-10, rate your dancing ability.

3

47. From 1-10, rate your cooking ability.

7

48. From 1-10, rate your driving ability.

1

49. Are you religious?

I’m really not sure, I was raised religious but I’m questioning a lot atm

50. Do you drink soda? If so, which one is your favorite?

Yep, I like Cherry Coke

51. Have you ever locked your keys in your car?

No, but I’ve been with someone who has

52. Spring or autumn?

Autumn

53. Do you play any sports?

Not now, but I’ve played soccer, softball, and basketball in the past

54. Can you play any musical instruments?

Nope

55. Are you more introverted or extroverted?

Introverted

56. How easily do you cry?

My dude,, so easily

57. Last musical artist you saw live?

My Lord and Savior Avi Kaplan

58. Favorite YouTube channel?

Not 2 be That person but I genuinely like Markiplier tbh

59. Star Wars or Star Trek?

Star Wars

60. How long have you known your best friend?

Well 1 of them funnily enough our moms knew each other when he was a baby and I was unborn, but we really met in 6th grade. My other best friend I met  about 3 years ago :)

61. Have you ever voted for a reality show?

I think so

62. Last CD you bought? uhhhhh maybe a pentatonix cd dunno which one 

63. Have you ever ended a romantic relationship?

Nope I’m the one who gets dumped 

64. Have you ever been broken up with? See above (3 times) 

65. Have you ever been in the audience for the taping of a TV show? Nah 

66. How long was your longest relationship? Are you still with that person?

A year and 3 months currently, and yes

67. Have you seen any Broadway plays or musicals?

Nope 

68. Have you ever acted in a play or a musical?

Yes! I’ve been in The Wizard of Oz (twice!), Little Shop of Horrors, Seussical the Musical, and the Little Mermaid 

69. How flexible are you?

Not very 

70. Have you ever sexted? Yes…  

71. Do you own any clothes from garage sales or thrift stores?

Yep 

72. Real or fake Christmas trees?

We’ve had a fake one my whole life, but I’d like to have a real one some day

73. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2-3 

74. How well can you write in cursive?

Not great, but I can get the job done 

75. What is your political affiliation?

Not officially affiliated, but rather left 

76. Do you like any boy bands?

The Backstreet Boys duh

77. Have you ever broken any bones?

Just a couple small ones in my toe 

78. Have you ever gotten any stitches?

Nah 

79. Do you have any piercings in places other than your ears?

Not yet

80. What is the oldest piece of clothing you still wear and how old is it? One of my favorite pairs of shorts is pretty old 

81.Do you like wearing hats?

Depends on the hat, I have a handful of baseball caps I like 

82. Have you ever dyed your hair?

At one point I had the tips dyed purple, but now I regularly dye it to make it slightly lighter and redder 

83. From 1-10, how competitive are you?

Like 8 probably, I’m not very athletic but I’m competitive about other things   

84. How long have you been at your current job?

Since November 2017   

85. Have you ever studied abroad?

Nope 

86. Phrase you say the most?

“Oof” 

87. Have you ever quit a job?

Nah 

88. Have you ever gotten fired from a job?

Nah 

89. Have you ever won a trophy? If so, what for?

Yes! For cheerleading competitions, 3rd place in making a video for a club, in a soccer tournament, and probably some others idk 

90. Have you ever been a Boy/Girl Scout?

I was a girl scout but that was a while ago 

91. Last thing that made you laugh?

Uhh last night some dumb meme my boyfriend showed me

92. Do you eat meat?

Yes

93. Are you more of a morning or a night person?

Night person, but I’m also old so it’s hard to stay up late

94. Worst habit?

Chewing fingernails, isolating myself from people when I’m sad

95. Deepest fear?

Uhhh that everyone who says they care about me is actually lying and talking about me behind my back

96. Do you believe in ghosts?

Yeah pretty much

97. If you could take home any animal from the zoo, what animal would you take?

An otter! I love them

98. Do you consider rapping singing?

I wouldn’t say it’s singing bc its different, but it’s certainly an art form and it has every place in the music industry

99. Favorite costume you wore for Halloween? How old were you?

When i was a ninja that was sick, i was probably 12-13

100. Favorite store to shop at?

For clothes? Maybe Plato’s Closet (nice secondhand place) but I also do a lot of online shopping

101. Have you ever given anyone CPR?

No

102. Favorite Pokémon?

Cresselia is dope but also Eevee

103. Do you own any homemade clothing?

Probably

104. Do you drink alcohol at all? If so, what is your drink of choice?

I’ve drunk once, vodka mixed with Hawaiian punch and it was p good

105. Have you ever skinny dipped?

No i’m fat

106. Favorite type of cookie?

Warm chocolate chunk

107. Favorite flavor of ice cream?

Oreo or chocolate chip cookie dough. The best thing i’ve ever had was a red velvet oreo milkshake tho

108. Biggest pet peeve?

When people interrupt or ignore me

109. Are you still friends with anyone from high school?

I mean I just graduated so yes

110. Favorite literary character?

Oohhhh, maybe Sam from LoTR? He was the realest friend ever

111. Are your birth parents still together?

Yeah

112. Do you wear or have your ever worn glasses?

Nope, 20/20 babeyyyy

113. How many of your Facebook friends do you actually hang out with?

Like 6, one of those being my mom lol

114. Have you ever been the victim of a prank?

Not that I can remember

115. Do you belong to a fraternity or a sorority?

No

116. Have you ever taken a nude selfie?

perhaps..

117. Are you adopted?

No

118. Favorite fandom?

Ugh fandoms r gross, maybe the rwby fandom? 

119. Oldest memory?

Trying to strangle myself at pre-school aged 4 lmaoooo

120. Have you ever snorted when you laughed?

A couple times

121. Can you drive stick?

Can’t drive at all!

122. Favorite Disney song?

How Far I’ll Go, or maybe Go The Distance

123. Random boy’s name.

Leo

124. Random girls’ name.

Natalie

125. How often do you eat out at a nice restaurant?

Once a month? Not often, I’ve done it twice in 3 days recently tho bc it was my birthday

126. How many people are in your nuclear family?

3, me and my parents

127. What accent do you consider the most attractive?

Gosh, not to be basic but probably British, although I don’t really know many others

128. What is your Myers-Briggs personality type?

INFP i think? Maybe INFJ

129. What is your astrological sign?

Leo! (capricorn moon and cancer rising)

130. Biggest regret?

Trying to make someone care again who had no intention of doing so

131. What type of shoes do you wear the most?

My checkered vans, I swear I wore them every day of senior year

132. Do you like any soap operas?

No

133. Do you listen to talk radio?

Not often

134. What sports team(s) do you root for?

SF Giants, Carolina Panthers, Charlotte Hornets, Duke, Kentucky

135. Describe your sense of humor.

Ridiculously stupid, inside jokes

136. Have you ever been hit on by someone of the same gender?

Yeah, my ex-girlfriend lmao

137. Favorite video game?

Overwatch

138. Name a moment in your life when you were pleasantly surprised.

When i got a mf perfect score on my ACT

139. Do you believe in serendipity?

I had to look that up but I guess so

140. Have you ever left a movie theater before the movie was done?

I don’t think so, one time the movie malfunctioned and cut off like an hour in and we had to leave

141. Have you ever felt you were born in the wrong period of history?

Nah, everything has always sucked, but now is somewhat less sucky than before bc we have the internet

142. Is sex before marriage wrong?

No

143. Have you ever gotten a song you dislike stuck in your head?

Yes omg, fuckin Girls Like You, fuck you Adam Levine

144. Can you handle spicy food?

Only slightly spicy

145. Have you ever called a non-lover a term such as darling, honey, babe, or dear?

I call my friend Ryker babe all the time, and call most of my friends “love”

146. Do you like MTV?

Nah not really

147. Where on your body are you the most ticklish?

Probably ribs area

148. TV show or movie you quote/reference the most?

The Princess Bride is so quotable, so maybe that idk, I quote memes more than anything

149. Have you ever lived with a roommate you didn’t get along with?

Can I say my parents? I’ve never lived not in my house, but I’m about to go to college and I hope I like my roommate

150. Where do you think is the best place to meet a new lover?

Either school or through mutual friends?

151. Have you ever successfully been on a diet?

I mean I’ve lost weight but it wasn’t a diet, just not eating lol

152. Favorite thing to do outside?

Have a photoshoot, jk I love looking at flowers, also swimming is good

153. Where did you go on your last vacation?

Kiawah Island, for grad week

154. Do you say “y'all” at all?

Yes, I live in the south and started using it ironically but now I can’t stop

155. Have you ever lived on a farm?

No

156. Do you believe in evolution?

There’s scientific evidence for it, so yes

157. What TV channel do you watch the most?

Honestly HGTV those houses are awesome

158. Favorite Beatles song?

Hmmmm, Maybe A Day In The Life or Eleanor Rigby, I Am The Walrus is always good too ngl

159. Have you ever been on TV?

On like the local channels for school awards and such

160. Have you ever been to Disney World or Disneyland?

I went to Disneyland last summer!

161. Do you like horror movies?

Not really, I’m a pussy

162. Do you like to go fishing?

No

163. Have you ever been hunting?

No

164. Do you take medication for anything?

Yes, for ye olde depression

165. Name one item from your bucket list.

Get a novel published

166. From 1-10, how much do you like children?

3 maybe, they’re kinda annoying

167. Have you ever thought about your wedding?

Yes, but my ideas have changed over time

168. Have you ever been bungee jumping or skydiving?

No, but I’d like to

169. Favorite flower?

Hmmm Sunflowers? or Snapdragons, or the pink magnolias

170. Do you collect anything?

Enamel pins, and rwby blind box figurines (it’s not an addiction I swear)

171. Who was the last person you told a lie to?

My mom probably

172. Have you ever been a bridesmaid or a groomsman?

Nope

173. Have you ever had a fortune cookie fortune come true?

Not that I know of

174. What was your favorite toy to play with when you were a child?

Hmmmm I had this little Narnia figurine set that I loved, also a bunch of littlest pet shop toys

175. How good are you at math?

Pretty good, I took AP Calculus in high school and got an A, doesn’t mean I liked it

176. Have you ever learned anything from a how-to YouTube video?

Not that I can think of right now

177. Have you ever participated in a science fair?

Yes, it was required in 6th grade

178. Have you ever wished you were born the opposite gender?

Womanhood is difficult and I often wish I did not have to bear it, but I’ve made peace with it

179. Have you ever participated in a public protest?

No, I’m scared

180. Do you have a pool at your house?

No

181. Have you ever hosted a wild party?

No lol, the wildest was probably my birthday party when we all got high and then had a 1 am McDonalds run because munchies

182. Do you like karaoke?

Not really

183. Have you ever written a love letter?

Kind of yes, I’m rather sappy

184. Have you ever ran a marathon?

God no, I’ve done a lot of 5Ks though

185. How often do you get mad at yourself?

So much, I suck

186. Any guilty pleasures?

Probably shitty old Warrior Cats AMVs, those are great when you’re bored and need to remember your roots

187. Fruits or vegetables?

Vegetables solely because potatoes fuckin slap

188. Do you live in a house or an apartment?

In a house, but I’m about to move into a dorm

189. The countryside or the suburbs?

Suburbs, I’ve lived in them my whole life, also listen to Subdivisions by Rush it’s great

190. Worst job you’ve ever had?

I’ve only had 1 job so I guess working at Chick-fil-A

191. Do you hang out with any of your co-workers?

Yes, one of them was my friend from school as well so I hang out with her regularly

192. Were you ever voted homecoming/prom king or queen?

Nope, but my good friends were prom king and queen!

193. Were you voted a “best” or “most likely to” in high school?

No, but I was “Most Likely To Be President - Girl” in elementary school so take that

194. Have you ever gotten detention?

No I’m a good kid

195. Have you ever babysat?

Yes, we watched disney movies and played dress-up

196. Have you ever taken a road trip just for the fun of it?

Nah, but I’d like to

197. How many drinks get you tipsy?

Idk, I was a little funny after 2 vodka spiked punches so

198. Were you a part of any academic clubs in high school or college?

Certainly yes, Technology Student Association, Beta club, Book club

199. Have you ever given a public speech, aside from your schooling?

I did the sermon one Sunday at church, but I’m not a big fan of public speaking

200. How long have you been on tumblr?

5 years in november! (God thats awful)

@officieel i did it bastard

[thedrowsydoormouse]

@anangelamuse-castiel-spnfam asked and I shall deliver!

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

My boyfriend. He took me to the mall for dinner and shopping after my therapy!

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Very shy but once you get to know me I’m a ball of chaotic energy!

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

Right now no one.

4. Are you easy to get along with?

I like to think I am.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

I would say my friend, Penny, but she’d probably be even more drunk than I am! So I think my friend, Daisy, or my boyfriend because they both have a background in medicine and would know what to do!

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? 

Cool people. And people who are unafraid to be nerdy about things they love!

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

I should hope so! Or else something went seriously wrong!

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

I keep mentioning my boyfriend but that’s only because he’s sitting right next to me and just stole a slice of pizza off my plate!

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Usually no! I’m very pro sex and pro discussing sex so it hopefully becomes less taboo and we can get some proper sex education.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

My therapist. And I immediately broke the tension with a joke that made her laugh so hard she cried!

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

 “I’m done.” I was waiting for my ride to pick me up from the hair salon!

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Monster by dodie, My Kinda Lover by Billy Squire, Hallelujah by Pentatonix, Rolling in the Deep by Gretta Van Fleet, Bottom of the River by Delta Rae

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

It depends on the person.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Luck yes. Miracles no.

15. What good thing happened this summer?

Technically it happened during summer (even though it happened in September but it was still Summer so it counts) but I met my boyfriend!

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

100% yes! 

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

There has to be. It’d be weird if there wasn’t. It may not be life like we know it but there is some form of life out there.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

No.

19. Do you like bubble baths?

I only take bubble baths!

20. Do you like your neighbors?

I hardly know enough about them to form an opinion.

21. What are you bad habits?

How much time we got?

22. Where would you like to travel?

I would love to go back to New York and to the Japanese Disney parks!

23. Do you have trust issues?

Yes.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Food. Beautiful amazing food!

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

My back. I have two weird scar type things on it that look nasty and I try to hide.

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Check the time an see if I can go back to sleep.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Any lighter and I would literally glow and any darker and I wouldn’t be able to pull off the goth look so effortlessly so I’d say I’m pretty happy with my skin!

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My close friends.

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Several of them have tried getting back together after we broke up only to find I had already moved on.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

I am married.

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

It’s down to about my waist so it’s be weird if I couldn’t pull it into a pony tail! The comfort of it, though, is a whole other issue!

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Margot Robbie and Brian Dietzen.

33. Spell your name with your chin.

No.

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

*laughs until I’m crying*

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV. I need music to survive!

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

All the time.

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

I usually crack a joke.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Smart, funny, amazing in bed!

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

They’re pretty much all online!

40. What do you want to do after high school?

I’m already out of high school.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Not everyone.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

I’m distracted, people keep talking over me, or somethings seriously wrong.

43. Do you smile at strangers?

If it’s a kid or an old woman, yes. But never men.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Space. The ocean is terrifying.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

Food. Or having to pee.

46. What are you paranoid about?

A lot of shit! I’m a nervous, panic-y mother fucker!

47. Have you ever been high?

Yes.

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Yes.

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Yes.

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Black.

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Nope! I love myself way too much!

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

Nothing!

53. Favourite makeup brand?

I’ve been wearing a lot of Blackmoon, Milk, and Lime Crime lately.

54. Favourite store?

Total Wines.

55. Favourite blog?

Mine!

56. Favourite colour?

Deep red.

57. Favourite food?

Sushi!

58. Last thing you ate?

I’m currently eating pizza! That is if my boyfriend stops stealing my slices!

59. First thing you ate this morning? 

I actually didn’t get a chace to eat until dinner when I had a BBQ chicken salad.

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Nope.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

I was suspended in middle school for writing a burn book.

62. Been arrested? For what?

Nope!

63. Ever been in love?

Yes! 

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

I was a junior in high school and I was talking with one of my friends during Winter Formal and neither of us had ever been kissed so I just said “then kiss me” so she did and we spent the rest of the night making out.

65. Are you hungry right now?

I’m eating right now.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

Yes.

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Neither.

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr.

69. Are you watching tv right now?

I’m listening to music.

70. Names of your bestfriends?

I have too many to list. I’d literally be here all night.

71. Craving something? What?

Pumpkin spice.

72. What colour are your towels?

I have a ton of towels and none of them match because I’m a human dumpster fire.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

As many as possible.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

Yes.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

I have no clue.

75. Favourite animal?

Cats.

76. What colour is your underwear?

Black.

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate.

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Dublin Mudslide from Ben & Jerry’s.

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Hot Pink.

80. What colour pants?

Teal.

81. Favourite tv show?

I can’t pick just one!

82. Favourite movie?

See above!

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

The first one!

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Mean Girls!

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Janice Ian!

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Bruce!

87. First person you talked to today?

My mom.

88. Last person you talked to today?

Not sure yet.

89. Name a person you hate?

Trump.

90. Name a person you love?

My boyfriend.

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

See #89. 92. In a fight with someone?

Usually.

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

I lost count.

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

I love being comfy.

95. Last movie you watched?

Spaceballs.

96. Favourite actress?

Margot Robbie.

97. Favourite actor?

Does John Mullaney count.

98. Do you tan a lot?

Never.

99. Have any pets?

A chubby puppy named Zorro!

100. How are you feeling?

Pretty good!

101. Do you type fast?

Sometimes, depending on how long my nails are.

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Yes and no.

103. Can you spell well?

Sort of.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Not really.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

No.

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Yes.

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Yes.

108. What should you be doing?

Nothing.

109. Is something irritating you right now?How long this is taking.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Yes.

111. Do you have trust issues?

You’ve already asked this.

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

My friend, Sabrina.

113. What was your childhood nickname?

I hate them so I’m not putting them.

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yes.

115. Do you play the Wii?

Not anymore.

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Yes.

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Yes.

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Yes.

119. Favourite book?

I don’t really read that much anymore.

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

No.

121. Are you mean?

I can be.

122. Is cheating ever okay?

Only if you really didn’t have time to study and you don’t get caught. (Hint: hide the cheat sheet between you’re thighs or up your skirt so that way if you do get caught you can pin it on the teacher being a perv.)

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

I’ve never owned any so I have no clue.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Yes.

125. Do you believe in true love?

Yes.

126. Are you currently bored?

Yes.

127. What makes you happy?

Food.

128. Would you change your name?

Yes.

129. What your zodiac sign?

Sagittarius.

130. Do you like subway?

No.

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

I mean i hope they like me or else my marriage is about to get very awkward!

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

You asked this one already.

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

Tell me again about how it hurts Being awfully loud for an introvert 

  134. Can you count to one million?

I’ve never tried nor had the time to try.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

It’s my dad’s signature.

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Open just a crack.

137. How tall are you?

6′

138. Curly or Straight hair?

Mine is curly and I prefer curls.

139. Brunette or Blonde?

It depends on the person.

140. Summer or Winter?

Winter.

141. Night or Day?

Night.

142. Favourite month?

October.

143. Are you a vegetarian?

No but almost.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Milk.

145. Tea or Coffee?

Tea.

146. Was today a good day?

Yes.

147. Mars or Snickers?

Neither.

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“Fuck it.” - Me 149. Do you believe in ghosts?

This is the 3rd repeat question.

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

The only book I have near me is super tiny and doesn’t have 42 pages.

[doomedhowell]

Timid Heart, Hide My Scars (Make Me Stronger)

Summary: Dan has trust issues thanks to his abusive ex-boyfriend. Then, he meets Phil by randomly bumping into him one day. Dan’s worried about Phil finding out about his past. Phil shows Dan that not every man is like Matthew.

Genre: AU, Angst (happy ending), Fluff

Word Count: 3,045

Trigger Warnings: mentions of past abuse, mentions of self-harm (though none actually), and the usual swearing, not beta’d

Title taken from the song Water by Pentatonix.

“Oh, shit!” Phil’s eyes widen as he watches the boy he just bumped into fall onto the ground. “Shit. God, I’m so sorry. I should have watched where I was going-” He laughs nervously before reaching down and pulling the boy up from the ground. “That was a hard fall. Are you okay?”

The boy laughs, looking up at Phil with his brown eyes. “I’m fine. No worries,” he says.

Phil bites his lip as he stares at the boy, almost unable to speak after seeing how attractive he is. “Um, sorry-” He coughs awkwardly. “My-My name is Phil. yours?”

“Dan,” the boy ‘Dan’ shakes his head. “Funny way to meet someone if you ask me.”

“Yeah,” Phil blushes. “I wish I could stay and talk longer. But, I must get going.”

“Maybe we can continue this conversation later then?” Dan suggests. “Are you busy tonight? You can repay me with dinner for the bruises I’ll wake up with tomorrow.”

Phil chuckles. “I’m not busy tonight. How about, seven o’clock? There’s that new diner that just opened,”

“Funnily enough, I happen to work at that diner. I mean, I’m not working tonight. So, it would be perfect,” Dan smiles, and then he pulls out a notebook from his backpack as well as a pen and quickly scribbles something down on the paper, before handing it to Phil. “My number, just in case.”

“Perfect, thank you. I’ll see you tonight,” Phil smiles as he looks up at Dan. “It was nice meeting you Dan, so sorry for bumping into you like that again. I can’t believe how clumsy I am sometimes.”

Dan chuckles as he watches Phil walk away, shocked that he managed to have a full conversation with an attractive boy without having a panic attack. That was definitely a first. He takes a deep breath once Phil’s completely gone. He looks down at his wrist and sees the scars, and rubs his wrist from Phil grabbing onto him. All he knows is, thank God Phil didn’t see anything.

On the bright side, he has a date tonight. Something he hasn’t had in a long time, due to his anxiety.

Dan spends the rest of his night panicking about his date with Phil.

What if Phil ends up not liking him?

What if Dan says something totally stupid that offends Phil, and he ruins the whole date?

What if Phil somehow finds out about his scars and thinks he’s disgusting?

What if Dan’s anxiety becomes too much and he’s unable to actually go on the date?

Dan can’t let that happen. This is the first boy he’s had the courage to speak to in years. He’s been lonely, and it would be nice to have a friend, even if a relationship doesn’t work out in the end.

Dan takes a deep breath as he stares at himself in the mirror, looking over his outfit choice for the date. He’s decided to go with a pair of normal jeans and a casual t-shirt and a jacket. The diner isn’t that fancy so he assumes that a casual look is the right way to go. Hopefully Phil thinks the same.

Dan makes sure he has everything he needs; cash, keys, phone, wallet. Check.

“Here we go,” Dan mumbles out loud to himself before walking out the door.

Dan makes it to the diner five minutes earlier, not wanting to be late and making a bad impression Phil.

“Dan? What are you doing here? You’re not working tonight,”

Dan looks over and smiles when he sees his friend and co-worker, Louise, behind the counter. “Hey Lou. I’m actually here on  a date-” He tells her excitedly.

“Dan Howell on a date? I never thought I’d see the day,” Louise jokes. “Go ahead and take a seat.

Dan rolls his eyes playfully before heading over to one of the empty booths. He decides to sit facing towards the door so Phil will be able to see him when he comes into the diner.

Fifteen minutes go by. 7 o’clock passes, and Dan’s starting to worry that Phil won’t show.

Dan knew it was too good to be true. Why would anyone want to waste their time with him anyways?

Dan nervously glances over and sees Louise watching him worriedly, but he tries not to let it bother him. He glances down at his phone and sighs when he sees that he has no text messages from Phil.

Dan is starting to get impatient waiting on Phil. he had hopes that Phil wouldn’t blow him off, but then... he doesn’t even really know Phil so maybe he shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up in the first place.

Dan stands up from the booth. He looks up just as Phil walks into the diner, obviously in a rush.

Phil looks up and locks eyes with Dan, seeming relieved.

Dan takes a deep breath as Phil walks over to him. “Phil?” He questions, surprised.

“Dan, I’m so sorry I’m late,” Phil quickly apologizes. “I swear I meant to get here at seven, but traffic was horrible and I got caught up. I’m honestly not trying to make excuses. Things have just gone all wrong.”

Dan chuckles. “That’s alright. I mean, you aren’t even that late, and at least you still showed up. I mean, most people just send a pity text and then you never see them again,” he shrugs his shoulders.

“Sounds like you’ve had that happen to you a few times,” Phil frowns.

“So, dinner?” Dan asks, quickly wanting to change the subject. His past dating life isn’t the most happy, and that’s a conversation that probably wouldn’t impress Phil on their first date.

“Yeah,” Phil chuckles, and motions for Dan to sit down, and then he sits down across from him.

“You’re going to love the food here,” Dan begins. “I’m not being bias or anything.” He blushes.

“I wouldn’t be surprised. I mean, this place is pretty amazing. I can see why people are raving about it,” Phil says. “And I’m very excited about trying the food for the first time.”

Dan smiles. “Well, I’m glad I can be here to witness your first experience at the diner,” he says.

“Good evening gentlemen,”

Dan looks up and blushes when he sees Louise standing there with two menus. “My name is Louise, and I’ll be taking care of you tonight.” She hands them both menus, and then looks over at Phil. “I’m so glad you showed up. I thought I would have to be hunting down the person who stood up our darling Daniel.”

“Lou!” Dan groans and covers his face with his menus.

Phil chuckles. “I’m glad I showed up too,” he says.

“I’ll be back in a moment to take your orders,” she says, before turning and walking away.

Dan glances up and sighs in relief when he sees Louise walking away. “I’m so sorry about that,” he says.

“That’s alright,” Phil shakes his head. “I can understand her being protective. So, tell me about yourself.”

Dan chuckles. “Okay. What do you want to know?” He asks, crossing his arms on the table. “Can’t say I’m the most exciting person in the world but I’ll do my best to wow you.”

Phil laughs. “I want to know everything,” he says.

“Everything?” Dan asks, fiddling with the sleeves of his jacket nervously. “Define everything.”

“Well, just the basics. I don’t need to know your whole life story-” Phil chuckles. “So like, how old are you? Do you go to school? Do you have any pets? Stuff like that.”

“Oh, well… unfortunately for me I don’t have any pets. I’ve always wanted a dog though. I don’t go to school. My parents always wanted me to become a lawyer but I said hell no. Fuck that shit,” Dan says. “No offense to lawyers. It’s just not my type of thing.”

Phil chuckles. “I can totally understand that. Being a lawyer doesn’t like the most exciting job,” he says.

“Exactly! See, I’m glad someone finally agrees with me,” Dan smiles.

Dan and Phil spend hours chatting with each other at the diner, even after they’ve finished eating. Dan just really enjoys Phil’s company. He’s easy to talk to and super laid back, is what Dan learns.

The two continue seeing each other over the next few weeks too, whether it be quick little coffee dates, movie nights at each other’s places, or just simple texting back and forth when they couldn’t meet up.

It’s been many years since Dan’s been able to connect with someone like he has with Phil.

“So, what’s the update with the guy you’ve been seeing?” Louise asks as she and Dan clean tables.

“We’re not seeing each other,” Dan chuckles. “Believe it or not, we’re just friends.”

“What?” Louise stops and looks over at Dan. “But, you two are total relationship goals. I see the way you look at him with love in your eyes. You’re telling me it isn’t official?” Louise asks.

“We’re taking things slow,” Dan tells her. “I don’t wanna be burned again.”

“Not everyone is a dick like that Matthew you dated all those years ago,” Louise says. “Phil seems nice, and you two obviously have a lot in common. What else is stopping you?”

Dan sighs. “My scars,” he finally admits. “What if Phil sees them, and judges me?”

Louise frowns. “Phil doesn’t seem like that type of person. I mean, I don’t know him, but…”

“I mean, I got lucky with you. You’re my best friend, and you didn’t judge me when I told you about them,” Dan says. “I really like Phil. He’s the nicest guy I’ve ever met. I just don’t want to fuck things up.”

“You gotta have a little more faith in yourself, Dan. Just give it some more time,” Louise says.

“I don’t know, Lou. We’ll see how this turns out,” Dan says. He looks over when he hears a ding from the door opening and smiles when he sees Phil walk into the diner. “Speak of the devil.”

Phil looks up and smiles when he sees Dan. “Were you talking about me?” He asks, walking over to Dan and gently kissing his cheek, earning an eyebrow raise from Louise.

“Just friends,” she mumbles under her breath before walking away from the two.

Dan blushes as he looks up at Phil. “What makes you think we were talking about you, hm?”

“I’m quite the character. There’s a lot to talk about when it comes to me,” Phil grins.

“Oh, shut up,” Dan laughs and pushes him playfully. “You’re so full of it.”

“Are you off work?” Phil asks. “You usually get off after seven so I thought I’d stop by.”

“Yeah, we were just-” Dan looks over and he sighs when he sees Louise is no longer there. “Lou and I were just finishing cleaning the tables. I was about to head out for the night.”

“That’s great. Because, I was actually gonna ask you if you wanted to go to dinner. With me?”

“Dinner?” Dan asks, raising his eyebrows. “You mean, like… as a date?”

“If you want to call it that, we can,” Phil nods. “I don’t mind.”

“Well, okay. That sounds fun. But, I’m not wearing my most date appropriate clothes,” Dan says as he looks down at his work outfit, and then looks back up at Phil.

“That’s okay. We don’t have to go anywhere fancy,” Phil assures him. “I just wanted to take you out.”

Dan blushes even more. Usually the two just “hang out”. They don’t really go on dates. Dan’s not completely sure how this night will end, but he hopes that something good will come out of it.

Luckily, Dan and Phil’s dinner went smoothly. Dan actually enjoys himself and spending time with Phil. After the dinner date, Phil offers to take Dan back to his apartment like the gentlemen that he has.

“Thank you for tonight. I had a really nice time,” Dan smiles as he looks up at Phil.

“No problem. Really, I had a lot fun too. I know it’s different from what we usually do,” Phil says. “But… there’s actually a reason why I wanted to take you out tonight.” Phil bites his lip nervously. “I wanted to ask you to be my boyfriend. I understand if it’s too soon. We’ve only known each other a couple weeks-”

Dan chuckles, and he reaches up to kiss Phil, instantly making him stop talking. The kiss is sweet, and only lasts for a few seconds before Dan finally pulls away and looks up at Phil. “I was actually really hoping that you would ask me that,” he says, blushing. “Thank you.”

“What are you thanking me for?” Phil asks, raising his eyebrows.

“I don’t know. I guess I’m just lucky that I found someone as kind as you,” Dan whispers.

Phil smiles, and kisses Dan cheek. “So, I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Actually-” Dan hesitates. “Maybe you could stay the night? There’s enough room for two of us.”

“Really?” Phil asks, surprised. “Y-Yeah. Of course. I would love to spend the night.”

Dan tries to hide the smile forming on his face, but fails. He takes out his keys and unlocks the door, allowing Phil to walk in first. “Sorry the place is a bit of a mess. I wasn’t expecting visitors tonight.”

“That’s alright,” Phil chuckles and looks over at Dan. “This is so cute, and totally you.”

“Thanks,” Dan grins. “It’s nice to finally be able to share it with someone, after being lonely for so long.”

“Aw, Danny,” Phil wraps his arms around Dan from behind and squeezes him. “You don’t have to be lonely anymore. I’ll come over anytime you want to, or stay over whenever you want.”

“Ew, don’t call me Danny-” Dan laughs and escapes from Phil’s hold. “So, what should we do, boyfriend?”

Phil laughs. “Whatever you want to do is fine with me, boyfriend,” he replies.

****

True to his word, Phil keeps coming over to Dan’s apartment and staying whenever Dan asks him to over the next few months. Nothing really changes after they become official boyfriends. Besides the kissing and random makeout sessions. Dan enjoys being able to kiss Phil whenever he wants.

“You’re such a twat!” Phil laughs as Dan shoves him. “You cheated!”

“I did not cheat!” Phil argues, shoving Dan back. “You’re just mad because I beat you at your own game!”

“This isn’t fair! I spend hours playing Mario Kart and hear you come along, and win on the first try,”

“Don’t be a sore loser, Danny,” Phil smirks, and he leans forward to kiss Dan but Dan quickly stops him. “I’m the winner, and the winner deserves kisses.” He quickly steals a kiss from Dan.

“Hey! Don’t kiss me when I’m mad at you, Lester!” Dan tries to stand up but Phil quickly reaches up and grabs him, playfully pushing Dan down on the ground. Dan laughs as he lands on the ground. “Phil!”

Phil grins as he climbs on top of Dan. He tickles Dan, making Dan laugh loudly.

“Phil! St-o-o-p it!” Dan whines through the laughter, and letting out a sigh of relief when Phil finally stops tickling him. Dan looks up at Phil, glaring at him playfully. “You’re actually the worst.”

“That’s not what you said when we were in bed last night,” Phil retorts, quickly grabbing Dan’s wrists and pinning them above his head. He laughs as Dan struggles to escape from his hold.

“Ugh, I hate you. You’re sleeping on the couch tonight,” Dan pouts, kicking his feet.

Phil smiles, and glances up for a second. He stops when he notices some red marks on Dan’s wrist, which he never noticed before now. “Hey, what’s this?” He reaches up and grabs Dan’s wrist gently.

Dan looks up and his eyes widen when he sees what Phil is referring to. “I-It’s nothing” He quickly tries to pull his wrist back, but Phil has a tight hold on his wrist. “It’s just a few scratches. Lou has cats-”

“These are not cat scratches-” Phil says as he looks down at Dan.

“Phil, please let go of me,” Dan begs.

Phil hesitates before finally letting go of Dan, and watching as Dan sits up to lean against the couch. “Dan?” He takes a deep breath. “What were those marks?”

Dan looks over at Phil, his eyes wide with fear. “Y-You’re going to judge me,”

Phil shakes his head and scoots closer to Dan. “Try me,” he says.

Dan sighs. “I knew this moment would come up eventually. I just hoped not this soon,” he mumbles. “Phil, there’s a reason why I haven’t dated someone in so long. I used to have an abusive boyfriend. He’s the reason I hated myself for so long. He’s… He’s the reason why I started self-harming.”

Phil’s heart breaks as he listens to Dan talk. He hates that someone abused Dan so much that it caused him to harm himself. Someone as sweet as Dan doesn’t deserve to be treated like that. No one does. “Dan, I’m so sorry. I wish you didn’t have to go through that,” he whispers.

Dan shrugs his shoulders. “It’s been a couple years now. I’m slowly learning to move on from the past,” he says. “I didn’t want to tell you because I thought you would judge me and think I’m disgusting.”

Phil chuckles, and wraps his arm around Dan, hugging him. “I could never think that about you,” he says. “You haven’t… you know…? You haven’t hurt yourself recently, have you? I’m sorry. I have to ask.”

Dan shakes his head as he looks up at Phil. “No. You’ve given me reasons not to,” he says.

Phil leans closer to Dan and kisses him. “I love you, Dan,” he whispers.

“I love you too, Phil,” Dan whispers as he gently rests his head on Phil’s shoulder, sighing softly before looking up at him. “Thank you for showing me that not all men are like Matthew.”

“You deserved so much better than him,” Phil says. “I never want to hurt you like he did. I never will either, and that’s a promise that I promise to keep.”

[joskinar]

About the Mun

Star sign: Taurus

Put your playlist on shuffle and list the first four songs that pop up:

Ocean - Lauren Aquilina

Cellophane - Sia cover by Steam Powered Giraffe

Insane - Korn

Can’t Sleep Love - Pentatonix

(What a delightful range of songs I enjoy)

Grab the nearest book to you and turn to page 23, what line is 17?

This child was not in the least attractive, being thin as a wraith, grubby, and shabbily dressed, with bare legs and bare feet and the peculiar and distasteful odor that only small and sweaty children emit.

-The Soulforge by Margaret Weis and Don Perrin

(Moment where I realize this might have been the subconscious thing that led to the name of Jos’s band.)

Ever had a poem written about you?

Yes, the only one that comes to mind is that my fiance proposed to me via poem.

When was the last time you played the air guitar? 

Oh God, well over a decade.

One sound you hate and one you love:

Open mouth chewing is probably the absolute worst sound for me and I love the sound of a sensual growl (probably tmi but it’s legit the first sound that came to mind).

Do you believe in ghosts?

Yes.

Do you believe in aliens?

Yes. Do I believe they’ve contacted or interacted with us already? Not so sure.

Do you drive and if so have you gotten in a crash? 

I do and I haven’t *knocks on wood repeatedly*

Do you like the smell of gasoline? 

Yes, but knowing it kills brain cells I tend to stay away from it.

Last movie you’ve seen?

Worst injury you’ve ever had? 

Thinking about it it was probably when I broke my leg when I was little. (TW for those of you that get queasy over stuff like this) I was playing with my step dad in the car, kicking and pushing the back of his seat as he had it unlocked and he’d playfully pushing back against my kicking feet. Well, I locked my legs because I was a dumb kid and because my dad was a dumb young guy he pushed back with more force than intended he broke my leg, snapped it millimeters away from my growth plate.

The funniest part of this story though is my mom (not realizing the extent of what just occurred) went to a gas station and bought a pack of band-aids and put one on my knee and it actually got me to stop crying.

Do you have any obsessions rn? 

Game wise, Warframe is probably the closest to what I’d consider an obsession. Artistically, one of my best friend’s characters has absolutely been my muse as of late.

Do you hold grudges?

I try not to, but sometimes it takes me a little bit to calm down. If someone hasn’t genuinely apologized for boorish behavior or hateful comments then I tend to not believe they’ve changed, so if it’s a grudge to avoid them or even warn people I care about about them, then I suppose that is my line.

In a relationship? 

I’m engaged as well as in a poly relationship with a couple of people who are very dear to me.

Tagged by @riizev2

Tagging whoever wants to do this! Seriously I’m terrible about tagging folks.

[yuuana]

Throwback Thursday Tracks #1: ATEEZ - Pirate King release: October 2018 genre: Kpop cw: some flashing effects, camera jitter

DID SOMEONE SAY PIRATES? No, ATEEZ are not my ults. Yes, I'm going to keep writing about them as if they were anyway. You try being ATINY in MerMay and see what happens. XD Welcome to Throwback Thursday Tracks, in which I will witter on about older releases. Ideally, it'll happen once a week, but this is me, so it'll happen when I have the spoons to make it happen. ;)

Once upon a time, this little-known label called KQ Entertainment decided to put together their first boy group. They gathered up a group of eight young men, most of whom had previous idol trainee experience in other companies, and got to work. And did they ever work - there was an interview earlier this year, I believe, (or maybe it was last fall; time is an illusion I cannot grasp even with two fists) in which they were asked how many albums they've released and you could see their eyes glazing over as they tried (and mostly failed) to remember how many releases they've had in the last three years. Spoiler: it's a lot (16 singles, EPs, and albums, if we exclude the digital-only singles Rocky (Boxers Ver) and Utopia (Japanese Ver), and the half-collab A Little Space with Pentatonix, and a whopping SIX were released in 2021, a year in which they gave up sleep to meet work commitments because they're that ridiculously driven).

Going back to 2018... The idea of a group having a semi-static concept or theme (the girl group whose releases are always playful and light, for example) is and was hardly uncommon. Same with using music videos or even a couple of them strung together to tell a story, to the point that some fans have since conflated having a narrative music video with having a lore ... which is only a problem insofar as it muddies the conversation - the former is far more common than the latter even now. During pre-debut, KQ Fellas (as the group was originally known) were a group with a youthful, energetic concept and that's something ATEEZ has continued. ATEEZ's concept is the freedom of youth, where youth is not a numerical construct, but a mental state, while their lore didn't start until their debut with Pirate King, which reintroduces the group as a band of rowdy (land?) pirates under Captain Hongjoong. What are they after? Treasure, of course, but we'll get into that more next time. ;)

One of the things that made ATEEZ stand out even when they were still KQ Fellas was their focus on being not just singers, but a performance group - their official KQ profiles list all the 99z1 as Performers, not [Main | Lead | Sub]2 Dancers - so their debut single's MV being specifically a Performance Video over a narrative music video makes sense. And given they debuted in late October, perhaps no surprise there's not only a Zombie Version, but also a Christmas Version (jumps to the actual "practice"). Plus, of course, a relay version. And then, as if that wasn't enough, a continuous take performance video, too. And more music show performances than you can shake a stick at, cuz they were at it all of November, so I'm not even going to try. With Pirate King, ATEEZ charged out of the debut gate at full steam and they haven't slowed down since.

1. 99z = the '99 line, aka those born in 1999: Yunho, Yeosang, San, Mingi, and Wooyoung 2. Idols' positions in groups are often cited broadly as, for example, Visual, Vocalist, Dancer, and/or Rapper. These are then refined by Main (primary), Lead (secondary), and Sub (tertiary). It's worth noting that, other than Jongho as Main Vocalist, KQ does not use these subdivisions, though other media refer to Yunho, San, Mingi, and Wooyoung as the group's Main Dancers, with Yunho as leader of the dance line. Want to sponsor a song selection? You sweet angel! For the low, low price of one (1) KoFi, I'll write up the song of your choice. ANY song of your choice. Yes, even that one that's been played to death. Yes, your obscure faves too. DW | Twitter | Ko-fi | Patreon | Discord | Twitch

[unofferable-fic]

UNOFFERABLE: 17 - RISKS

Summary: The unexpected arrival of an injured Midgardian child clinging to life causes a ruckus on Asgard. The princes, Thor and Loki, are somewhat intrigued by this unusual guest, unsure as to how and why she ended up in such a state. What they did not expect, however, was the turn of events her appearance would inevitably cause.

————

Set Pre-Thor 1

Pairing: Loki x OFC

Inspired by this imagine

Warnings: Fluff, angst, more long awaited fluff.

Word Count: 3,561

Previous Chapter     Next Chapter

Playlist: “I Can’t Figure Out What’s Going On” — Half Moon Run, “Run to You” — Pentatonix, “Lovers” — Ruth Barrett

————

A/N: Also available on AO3  and FanFiction.net. Oh Jesus, it’s happening...

A peaceful night’s rest seemed to allude Loki in recent weeks. His mind was consistently plagued with thoughts of Ellie that were new, daunting, and oddly intriguing. He was not used to this; wanting someone for more than just sating himself. He had had many Aesir in his lifetime, but never had he desired to spend time with them afterwards.

Am I being foolish? he thought, laying wide awake in his bed, his eyes boring into the ceiling. I have always vowed never to waste my time with such flippant emotions. Forming attachments is nothing but unnecessary weakness. I do not wish to be dependent on another. It would be unwise to involve myself with her.

But would she even wish him to? Did she feel the same ache in her chest and uneasiness in her abdomen that he suffered with at the sight of her? He had no reason to believe that she actually was attracted to him. She grew up with him from a young age and had definitely formed a fondness of him — that much he could believe — but attraction? He doubted it. He was used to getting his way with the servants and the others that he seduced, but nothing stretched on further than lust. He did not wish for anything more. He would not allow it.

But this Midgardian woman…

With a heavy sigh, he sat up in his bed, feeling an uncomfortable combination of being physically exhausted but wide awake in his mind. He threw his legs over the side and sat with his head in his hands. He would not act on these feelings. He was foolish to think that they were anything but a hindrance to him. He dismissed it as being nothing more than wanting to lay with Ellie out of mere curiosity — he had never had a Midgardian before considering they were so beneath the Aesir.

This is lust and nothing more. All I must do is find a willing servant to find release and I will return to seeing Ellie as the way she once was.

Loki sat for a long time on the side of his bed, reassuring himself that this was the best choice and promising that he would stand by it. Seeing no hope in falling asleep at this rate, he stood up, pulled on a tunic and pants, and left his chambers. He walked around the palace at his leisure, taking no notice of the Einherjar on night duty as he passed them. He didn’t think about his destination or where his bare feet were taking him; he just kept walking, blocking all thoughts of her from his mind. He wasn't surprised when he arrived at the library, but strolled inside and shut the large doors behind him. Inside, the room was illuminated by the moonlight peaking in through the tall windows. He gazed around and made his way towards one of the shelves, specifically one on the history of Midgard, his bare feet mostly silent on the wooden floor. When he rounded a corner, he hesitated in perplexity at what he saw.

“Loki?”

Ellie sat in his favourite armchair with a book in hand and her legs pulled up to her chest. A small candle was lit on the table beside her that gave off only a feint glow in the vast space. All she seemed to have on were her sleeping clothes, which only consisted of a light gown. A lump formed in his throat almost immediately.

“Ellie,” he mumbled. “What are you doing still awake?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” she replied with a smile and set the heavy book down on the table. “Can’t sleep?”

His eyes stayed fixed on the floor, but it was truly difficult to tear his gaze from her attire. “Sleep seems to allude me of late.”

“How come?” She sounded concerned, and he didn’t doubt that she also looked it.

“If I knew why, I would probably be able to fix the problem.” He certainly hadn’t meant to sound so snappy, but his silver tongue was working against him that night.

When he stole a glance at her, he noticed the hint of hurt on her face. “Sorry I asked.”

“And why is it that you cannot rest either?” he questioned, hoping he could undo his previous rudeness, and took some hesitant steps towards her.

Stop walking to her, you fool! Stop it!

His feet carried on of their own accord. Tonight, his brain was taking a backseat.

“Over-thinkin’,” she grumbled and scratched her head. “About stuff. Can’t sleep when my head feels like it’s melted.”

“That’s understandable.”

She nodded and let out a sigh. “I was hopin’ reading may distract me long enough to fall asleep, but my mind keeps insistin’ that I waste time thinkin’ about it.”

“So pensive as usual then?”

She gave him a wry look but smiled. “Oh, ha ha ha. Very funny.”

“What are you reading?”

“Seiðr stuff mostly. I thought it could maybe distract me.”

He nodded and stopped next to the table, gently reaching out to run a finger over the book’s spine. “So what exactly is it that has claimed all your thoughts?”

She looked up at him with a smirk. Despite her appearance, he could tell that she wasn’t as relaxed as she made herself out to be. She was fingering the hem of her gown quickly, a familiar nervous tick. “Hey, if you’re not sharing then neither am I.”

He eyed her carefully, removing his hand from the book. She had peeked his interest without question and he wanted to know. “Ellie…”

“Yes, Your Highness?”

“You know I don’t like it when you call me by such titles.” That wasn’t entirely true; nowadays, every time she called him ‘My Prince’, his abdomen clenched hard and he had to think of something else to prevent his breeches from tenting.

“I’m your maid — it’s sorta in my job description.”

“You are more than just my maid,” Loki answered without hesitation, but his reply was met with silence. The pair gazed at each other for what felt like the longest time from their positions. Ellie’s expression was unreadable and Loki was hoping that his was the same. Her lack of any answer only made him regret his words. He was doing an absolutely terrible job of acting like nothing was bothering him and he knew that she was no fool — he may have been the God of Lies, but she saw right through him. She did grow up learning from the best, after all.

If their silence confirmed anything, it was that they both knew when it came to class, his statement was a lie — she was no more than a mortal surrounded by gods.

“I know, we’re friends too,” Ellie sighed and got up from her seat with the large book in her small hands. “I should probably head to bed and leave you to whatever over-thinkin’ you are up to. Apparently you don’t want to talk about it, so I won’t try to help.”

He watched her walk over to the nearest bookshelf and return the book to its rightful home. Loki couldn’t help but let his eyes take in her figure as she stretched upwards to put it away, lingering on her backside. His jaw clenched at the sight and his eyes remained fixed even when she turned back around to walk by him.

“Goodnight, Loki,” she said with a nod as she passed him.

“Wait,” Loki called before he could even think of a reason not to. She froze on the spot with her back facing him, and to keep her there, he added quickly “Don’t… go. Please.”

Slowly turning to face him, he was treated with a look of bewilderment. “It’s really odd hearin’ that word come from your mouth.”

Loki couldn’t help but grin at her comment. “Please? What is so funny about that?”

Ellie tilted her head to the side. “Oh, come on. It’s hilarious.”

“Then at the risk of sounding hilarious, please stay for a moment.”

“If you insist.” She stood in front of him with her arms wrapped around her midsection. “So what’s botherin’ you? Is it your father?”

He knew he couldn’t tell her. He couldn’t possibly let her know that she was the reason he couldn't sleep at night anymore, that she consumed his dreams to the point of insanity. So he would do what he does best, and lie. “He’s always bothering me, so no.”

“Then Thor, maybe? You’s seem to be getting on well lately though.”

“Thor has somehow managed to be less irritating than usual of late.”

“How about the Warriors Three, then? They’re sometimes able to get your goat.”

At her mention of the group, Loki’s mind began to weave a simple lie that could distract her from the truth. He had to avoid her realising what the problem was at all costs.

He looked at her hard, his lips set in a firm line, and remembered the comments Fandral had been making towards Ellie lately. That could work as a distraction, considering there was even truth in it as well. “I am not overly fond of Fandral at present.”

She listened intently, stepping closer to him. “For what reason exactly? I mean, besides his gratuitous confidence and general cockiness, what’s he done to deserve your displeasure?”

He fixed his gaze on her. “I do not like how he speaks to you.”

Her brow piqued at that. “How he speaks to me?”

“Yes. He is vulgar and his comments distasteful. You do not deserve to be spoken to in such a manner.”

“Umm, when did he say anythin’ inappropriate to me?”

Loki’s brow furrowed at her genuine look of surprise. How could she not realise how Fandral had treated her so ill? Was it possible that she even enjoyed his advances? The thought made Loki’s stomach sick. It was not possible. He refused to believe it.

“For one, in the training yard ereyesterday. He passed comment on your form while ogling you like you were a marinating ham.”

“Oh, that. Well, you know Fandral — he was probably joking. Plus, he’d bed anythin’ with a pulse.”

With a tone matching the sharpness of a blade, he said. “Oh, is it possible that you perhaps relish his advances?” His eyes narrowed as his stomach grew more sickly with each passing second.

Ellie immediately choked with wide, disbelieving eyes. “What? No! Are you insane?”

Loki held his arms out at his sides and leaned in closer to her, expecting for her to retreat back a few steps, but she remained poised on the spot. “I am merely putting two and two together, my dear. You do not dismiss his actions and it appears that you almost delight in them.”

And just like that, she snapped. “I do not enjoy them! What in the name of God makes you think that Fandral or anyone in this Godforsaken realm would ever look at me like that? I’m not even from here — I am a Midgardian! I’m mortal! I’m fucking nothing to you people!”

Towards the end of her short rant, she had begun to scream and her voice cracked. Her outburst shook the whole library and the pregnant silence that followed was almost painful. She breathed raggedly, her shoulders shaking with the anger that welled within her. When she opened her mouth to continue, her voice was almost a whisper. “I was left to die in a fuckin’ alleyway by the person who was supposed to love and protect me, the person who probably killed my brother and mother, and now I’m stuck on a different fuckin’ planet, realm — whatever — where I’m the only one of my kind. I can’t be with a god and a god could never want me. I’d be dead and buried in a bloody heartbeat compared to you lot.”

Loki couldn’t hear anymore of it, and he damn well nearly broke down when he saw the tears roll down her cheeks. He had caused this. He was the one that upset her and it killed him. He immediately wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a tight embrace. For a split second he could feel her body tense at the contact before she relaxed and wrapped her arms around his neck. With his arms around her waist, he let his chin rest on the top of her head. Her face was buried in his chest and her body shook with unsteady breaths.

“You are not nothing,” he whispered to her reassuringly, hoping to banish at least some of her doubts. “I do not want you thinking such things when they are so far from the truth. You…” He hesitated when he felt the lump in his throat, contemplated whether he should say it. Would he be taking one large step backwards? “You are not nothing to me, little one.”

He froze, awaiting some response. Any response.

Please say something. Please tell me that you care.

He peered down at her when her head tilted upwards and their eyes met. They were stained red from tears but he remembered thinking how good it felt to have her in his arms and how truly beautiful she looked when she studied him like that. She was inspecting him like something on display, a fine artefact found and placed behind glass to be surveyed in wonder. He hadn’t been expecting it, but suddenly her arms tightened around his neck, pulled him down, and her lips were on his.

He nearly leapt out of his own skin. He vaguely remembered letting out a small yelp at the contact before she suddenly pulled away, but he kept his arms firmly locked around her waist. Now they were both panting heavily.

“I-I’m s-sorry,” she stammered. “I didn’t mean to… I had t-to know what i-it would… feel like. I s-shouldn’t have, I’ve never—”

This time around, his lips cut her off. He took the lead, kissing her with the ferocity that he had been holding inside all those months as it came flooding out. His arms pulled her lithe body as close as it could possibly be against his own. He could remember nibbling on her bottom lip and the mewl that came out of her nearly sent all of the blood in his body straight down south. After what felt like a long time — but not nearly as long as he needed — he pulled away and rested his forehead against hers.

“That may have been what I was over-thinkin’ about earlier,” Ellie admitted between catching her breath with a look of what he could only hope was admiration. She was smiling now.

He chucked as her hands splayed out over his covered chest. “Kissing me?”

She gulped and averted her gaze, clearly nervous at the mention of the position they were in. “Well, yes, kissin’ you was a thought, but mostly just you. And me. And what you thought of me. I wasn’t sure whether you would want to kiss me.”

He let out a noise that was a mix between a sigh and a laugh. “Oh, little one, I have been thinking of kissing you for some time now.”

“R-really?” she squeaked in disbelief. “You’re not lyin’?”

“I would not lie to you about that,” he insisted and pulled her in for another deep kiss. For a moment, he savoured her taste and grinned when a shiver went up her spine. “I did not know if you would want me. I thought you would want another rather like Thor or Fandral.”

She grimaced at the thought. “Thor? Oh, God, no. I love that guy, but he is in no way my type. Don’t even get me started on Lover Boy either. You’ve been the only one who caught my eye. I just couldn’t imagine a god like you wantin’ me like this.”

His dug his fingers gently into her skin, giving just the right amount of pressure for her back to arch and her body to push into him. “That is a huge relief for me to hear, considering I have wanted you like this for a while.”

“Are you tellin’ me that all this time we have just been tip-toeing around each other, convinced that the other definitely wasn’t attracted to us, when we were both actually really into it?”

“I believe we may have.”

There was a short pause before they both burst out into a fit of laughter. Loki watched her as her eyes watered with happy tears this time around and felt warmth spread through him, the earlier sickness completely vanishing.

“We’re idiots,” she giggled and toyed with the neckline of his tunic.

“Of the highest order,” he agreed before lifting her suddenly in his arms. She squealed and her legs went around his waist, probably out of instinct more than anything else. Setting her down on the nearby table, he settled between her legs and brushed a lock of hair behind her ear.

“You are beautiful,” he murmured. He truly meant it. She could knock the wind out of him with just a smile.

Her cheeks went pink almost instantly. “And you are extremely handsome.”

“My dear, you flatter me.”

“No, I mean it.” She paused briefly and opened her mouth a few times before closing it again. He merely stared at her and waited until eventually she managed to speak. “Loki?”

“Yes?”

“I know that you’re really experienced in… this stuff, and I’m not. At all. That—” A gulp. “—that was my first kiss. I’ve never courted another. Does my inexperience… does it bother you?”

He gave her a look of genuine surprise. “Hearing that I am the only one to taste your lips is one of the finest things that I have had the pleasure of knowing. And, Ellie, you taste delicious. I also feel inclined to mention that I have no issue with educating you in the more physical aspects of courting.”

He licked his lips and gazed lustfully at her, unwilling to sugar-coat what he was saying. Her cheeks were well and truly crimson now.

“Loki!” she hissed and slapped his shoulder. “You absolute scoundrel!”

“I believe the title of ‘Trickster’ suits me far better, love.”

“If you so insist. But does this means that you want’a court me?”

For the briefest of moments, he hesitated. The instinctive need to flee from any form of vulnerability was rising again somewhere in the back of his mind. But Loki’s physical urges took control of the situation, reminding him how her lips had just felt against his, how her body trembled in his hands…

He wanted this.

He wanted her.

Badly.

He had to make sure that she was his and his alone. No one could ever touch her in the ways that he would. No one could ever look at her like he did. For once, he was not concerned with this ending badly. Right now, the thoughts of her being with someone other than him was the worst outcome and he refused to let that happen.

He made a decision and he stuck to it confidently. “I do want to court you. You know, I have not been able to sleep lately because I could not get the thought of you out of my mind. It was scary, I will admit, as I have not cared for many people in such a manner before. But now that I have you in my arms, I am rather willing to say that I would much prefer to keep you here as long as I can.”

“But what of your mother and father? Odin is not goin’ to like this.”

“Oh, fuck Odin,” he groaned. “He rarely likes anything. But I will admit you are not wrong.”

“And Heimdall?”

“Darling, what do you take me for? I come to this library at night when I desire privacy, even from his prying eyes. This room is glamoured at this hour as always. He has no inkling as to our escapades in here. Despite that, I think we should keep this a secret, just for the moment.”

“So, a secret. Just between you and I?”

He nodded. “You and I. On that note, I very much want to kiss you again.”

She seemed nervous as he ran a finger over her cheekbone. “I really like kissin’ you, I just don’t really know if I’m any good at any of this.”

He chuckled deeply, leaning in closer to her. “Oh, my dear, you are far better at kissing than you realise.”

Soon, her lips were once more compliant against his and their bodies pressed tightly together. Loki had kissed many people in his life and he prided himself on his ability to make his lovers weak at the knees with just his lips and silver tongue, but never had he drawn such pleasure from merely a kiss. All rational thought and warnings against making himself vulnerable were banished to the far corners of his mind. With her hands in his hair and his teeth on her neck, he could barely form a coherent thought.

The sensation was like nothing he had felt before.

And, by the Norns, did he love it.

[riskeith]

aside from that, ur graphics must look incredible! i’ve seen some comparison pics and pc graphics are God Tier. help the second lowest being “high”... good riddance. 😶

summer 2016! it seems so long ago like a whole different universe. everything was so beautiful back then.. everybody was out and about hunting pokémon’s... that zine is so cute! i wouldn’t say main i actually only got into them a little while ago and i’m still mostly tddk and kiribaku but bkdk is interesting.. to say the least. i haven’t seen what happens in the manga (only a bit of spoilers especially that cover...) and s4 didn’t give us That many scenes with them but i’m keeping my eyes open... wbu?

IDK like their descriptions make it seem like they might help you find some specific treasures??? like the gold seelie giving you fortune aka mora? not sure tho hehe... YEAH THAT FANART!!! so cute i wanna eat them all.. forbidden snack. 🥺 omg funny you mention that... i met xiao just earlier for the first time and when i saw his entire outfit i was like.. hm i wonder what he would look like in darker clothing HAHA. but yeah skins would be awesome!!!! like a clothing shop or smth somewhere????? anyway when i saw him i was like HEY that’s cluna’s boy!

ALBEDO IS A BAD BITCH. his hair is perfect perfect perfect. actually everything about him is so perfect he’s just a delicate little guy... 🥺 dude us talking about albedo and opening up the game and seeing his banner is like... 👀 temptation.

with venti??? i’m not sure which quest you mean i did the archon one with him though and it was awesome. does he have more? I DID LOOK IT UP AND MURASE IS MAKING HIS VOICE EVEN HIGHER AND IT’S SO CUTE I WISH I KNEW IT BEFOREHAND SO I COULD’VE HEARD HIS VOICE WHILE DOING THE MISSION. 😭 oh well 😭

hopefully there are some good 4 stars too. who are you wishing for? anyone special? imagine having xingqiu and chongyun.... that’s like the dream. and bennett and razor and you have the boy scout party haha!! do you have mostly claymore users?

i remember you mentioning you don’t like book users but i’ve actually really grown to love them hehe. their long range attacks are so nice and handy! KAZE DA! 😭 bro stop i literally have a crush on venti it’s ridiculous.. imagine closing ur eyes and talking and it’s his voice.... (OR HINATA!!!) murase is so lucky... he seems like such a great guy too ajsksjdk..

ok friends to lovers goodness! 🥺 i’m considering getting twitter just to see fanart... maybe.. o.o

ooooo that’s so thorough! in all caps caught my attention, why do you do that? personally, if it’s something longer i write bulletpoints of the concept but never like... actual plot yk? i’ve tried before but i doesn’t work for me very well. so.. i wing it! and like you i just get inspired randomly, it could be from song lyrics or thinking about tropes i enjoy. 😜

loona is cool! they have this whole story about their group. i highly recommend checking them out! i wonder if they kept it up though lmao. oh yeah everyone loves hozier he just speaks to the soul.. LOVELY IS MY FAVORITE SONG!!!!! LIKE EASILY TOP SONGS OF MY LIFE!!! it makes me so happy that you like it even if you skip it lmaojsjdjsjsjdk and i like billie a lot!! ariana too she has great music.., idk if you’ve heard of the group the neighborhood but i like them too. lana del rey as well! haha guess it’s super basic stuff tbh. all of them with mostly slow songs.. sorry 😭

OK GOOD. all nighters are honestly horrible. i don’t get how people can pull them off and get things done... (hopefully you never have to either!) YEAH haha 8 am is my favorite hour i think... that and 9 pm. they’re just special. what’s your favorite time of day? listen if you stay up to read fics that’s valid. midnight up is like the perfect time to read fics it makes them appear more magical sjdkdhdk.

i hope i caught you today but if not, hope you’re sleeping well babe! ♥️

sorry i was playing genshin! JFKSNXKSNKSJ i started before 12am and before i knew it it was already 1am… my goodness

and yeah i watched this vid comparing the graphic quality settings (i play on the default one) and i was like??? people really be playing like this? LOL can’t relate

edit: missed this paragraph oops but yeah what a time 2016 was! (lmao voltron started that year iirc) i remember we had an athletics event and legit everyone was on their phones jfksnfksnd. oooo! nice tddk and krbk are very good very nice. and also yeah that cover lol i love that you didn’t even have to specify which one i just Know. hmm i think rn bkdk would be one of the top ships i’m interested in aside from todobaku? they just have so much history ya know? and they have a lot of moments in the second movie! oh wait did you know that there are movies? two of them in fact!! the kiribaku is pretty strong in the first one (but there are some todobaku moments too lol). and there are a few OVAs too. WAIT are you all caught up with the anime? can’t rmemeber if you’ve told me or not 😫

oooo if that were the case tho what would the others give? i did like the “sea blue” description or something of the blue one tho 😩 YOU WANNA EAT THEM FJDJCJSKNCSKJCKSNXJS NO!!! but i can understand.. they look very squishy. THAT’S MY BOY!!!!!! honoured you thought of me <33 yo i was also wondering what chongyun would look like in darker clothes too HDKSKDN see this is why i need to learn how to draw.… gotta put them in the clothes i want since we can’t do that in game!! but a shop would be so cute omg

JFKSKSKAKS i’ve legit been staying away from opening the wish menu as much as i can.… it’s too tempting i can’t!!

yeah the archon one is what i meant sorry! forgot the name for it lol. and yes there is! once you reach AR 35 or something you can unlock story quests and venti is one of them 👀👀 RIPPPP BUT AT LEAST YOU KNOW NOW 😭😭

i think just xingqiu rn!! i’ve been holding off ascending barbara in hopes of getting him, bc i grinded some oceanid (literally the worst fucking boss ever) before i ascended so i’m just hoarding those materials rn fjskdnd. yesss the boy scouts 😭🥺 but i heard chongyun and razor’s elemental skills cancel each other out so rip.. hmm i did a count and i think i have 3 each of claymore and catalyst users! hbu?

omg nooooo betrayal 😭 tho ngl i’m considering using ningguang bc i see people play her so well.. so i’m just carrying her around in my team hoping to passively level her up HAHAHA. i def appreciate their long range attacks too, lisa’s burst especially is quite nice. CHJDKSKD that’s so cute but also very relatable 😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺 also did you know murase is like tall af it’s kinda crazy lol

there’s /so/ much good fanart!!! it’s where i’m getting a taste of all the ships too lol but yeah there’s angst and fluff and just charas looking s*xy they’ve got it all 😩 but that also reminds me, like most other big fandoms genshin fandom is kinda fkn shit 😔 once again i’m thankful to myself for keeping such a small circle lmaooooo

honestly i don’t know either?? i think it helps me distinguish between what i’m actually writing vs what i’m planning like if i do something like “JUMPS OFF PLATFORM, LANDS IN FRONT. so, are you going to introduce me or do i have to do it myself ETC THEN THEY TALK SUDDENLY there’s the sound of a windchime, and VILLAINS HERE GOTTA FIGHT” it’ll look something like that jdjsndkskd where the lowercase is exact dialogue I wanna write in but the caps is just planning

but winging it ey that’s hot of you 🤪 god do you ever just like thinking about potential ideas before falling asleep but then your phone is far away/you don’t wanna hurt your eyes looking at a screen but then you’re also afraid you’ll forget the idea DJKSXKSK

:o! i think i stayed away bc of the whole “stan loona” thing DHSKKS but i might give them another shot! therefore i am is one of my go to songs rn hehe i really like the beats she uses they’re so funky. i don’t really like ariana sorry FJDJKSKS but she does have a lot of bangers!! side to side… 😘👌 and i do know the neighbourhood! sweater weather is so iconic but lately i’ve been skipping that too aahah. but have you heard daddy issues slowed? oh my god. that singlehandedly started my obsession with slowed songs (ironic isn’t it when you consider i don’t listen to normal slow songs fjsjdj) i like summertime sadness from lana! and young and beautiful too (the radio songs AHAH) but yeah.. they’re slow fjdkksks. how do you feel about halsey + melanie martinez + bastille? (i’m always paranoid about listing artists bc so many get cancelled or what other and i feel like randos are gonna come for me too JDKSKSKA.) oh and troye sivan!! and pentatonix if you’ve heard of them? i was obsessed with those two back in 2015 ahaha

omg crazy.. how!! hm my favourite hour is maybe 12pm? or 2pm? just some time in the afternoon i like when it’s still light outside but it’s also like “after school” time kinda .. and yesss reading fic at late hours… gets me crying more easily 🤪

i don’t think i’ll catch your next reply so goodnight in advance!! hope your day is great <3

[dear-chaton]

1-100 bb

BAbe lol why it’s fine but oh dear lord who’s ready to another long af ask?

Bc I just answered some of these I will link to the first part here^^

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? More milk than cereal bc I don’t care if it get soggy

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? Lots of cream, milk and sugar.

6: do you keep plants? Nope

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? Writing I guess? I didn’t pick up drawing or painting till late last year

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? Always, singing to myself as I fill this out right now haha

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? Side but curled up nearly in fetal position bc I’m lanky as hell

12: what’s your favorite planet? Mercury?

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? Either really pastel or grungey

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! In space metal sticks together ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? Lasagna

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. I like to point out friends spelling mistakes on discord and pin them so that everyone sees bc I’m slightly dyslexic so it’s funny when I do catch mistakes

20: what’s your favorite eye color? I love green and blue eyes

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. There’s many of those lol

22: are you a morning person? Nope

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? No, I don’t like to have one single person that knows every single little thing about me, I have multiple people that know many things that I trust to them but often those things rarely overlap

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? No where?

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? It’s a tie between my pug shoes or my cat shoes bc they have memory foam soles since I work on my feet all day I wanna have some comfort on my off days

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? Just plain regular bubblegum

28: sunrise or sunset? Sunset

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?  Oh yeah plenty of times

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. It was after a friends party last year and we just sat in her living room comparing the average guys dick size for some reason 😂

33: what’s your fave pastry? Croissants

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? It’s a really big bunny rabbit, I don’t think I ever named it to be fair and yeah I keep it on my bed nearly all the time and it’s something I use to comfort me if I’m sad and wipe away the tears if I cry :’)

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? Yes lol but I more so collect them than use them

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? Either skillet or Pentatonix

38: tell us about your pet peeves! Hate when people cut me off when I’m saying something, I barely talk so when I do I’m a little miffed if I don’t quite get to finish my train of thought, I also hate when people chew loudly in a quiet setting like please no save me

39: what color do you wear the most? A navy blue or a jade green

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? I guess the most important to me is my purity ring and I’ve had that thing since I was 13 so nearly 8 years I’ve been wearing it and yeah

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! It’s kind of quiet and quaint but it’s fabulous to have study groups there and sit there for hours I feel bad for the people that deal with us but it’s so nice

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? Being in the back of my boyfriends car, cuddling him

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? Ha nope

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. What’s the favourite movie for cats to watch? The Sound of Mewsic (you can pry cat puns out of my cold dead hands)

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? Heights and yes still hate it

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? I love cds and the last one I bought I can’t actually remember it’s kind of been a while^^

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? Bears from each state

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? Misbehaving by Pentatonix or The Only Exception by Paramore

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? That despicable me meme bc I love those movies okay

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? My friend Stirling who just had to put his dog down :(

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? Screeched and lunged for my phone I guess erm

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? Just the small things you don’t think of when you think of a particular person like someone will bring a blanket to our group between breaks and we’ll all huddle underneath it or someone will push two couches together so people can cuddle and/or spoon and be cute like stop being so freaking cute sometimes okay,

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? It’s interesting I’ll say that

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? I am bc I’m the oldest of my friends and therefore the only one who’s roughly allowed to drink but no seriously my role on two discord servers is a toss up between Wine Aunt or Wine Goddess like I don’t make this shit up

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? Have never really liked poetry so uh

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? Orange juice

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? On my bookshelf there’s all my favorites out on display but the rest are kind just shoved into boxes

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? It’s dark out bc it’s nearly midnight 

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? My best friend even though I haven’t been the greatest friend and not talked with her in a while >.

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? Soft with white and light blue flowers I guess?

68: what’s winter like where you live? Hot and humid most of the year with a week or two of what the fuck Florida

69: what are your favorite board games? Checkers

70: have you ever used a ouija board? Nope

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? Most definitely

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. Always ready to fight

75: tell us about your pets! I had a puppy that I had to give away over the summer, she wasn’t really a puppy she was a little on the older side but I really loved her and miss her a lot

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? Studying but my classes are pretty easy

77: pink or yellow lemonade? Neither

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I don’t mind them but since my nephew likes them I tolerate them

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? One wall is just a hot pink bc that was the color of my sheets at some point but I’m gonna paint it to a pastel mint hopefully soon

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. Like an iceberg, so cold it pierced my soul (idk either man)

82: are/were you good in school? Pffffffft that’s hilarious

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? I wanna get one tattoo is it’s simply ❝&❞ and on my left inner wrist

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? No not really, haha

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ idk

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Homeward Bound bc that is my shit okay

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. I don’t like cities so um yeah

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? Er maybe to the city to go to a con but otherwise not planning to travel much

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? Drowns it with cheese, after taking a lactaid pill of course

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? It’s almost always with a headband of sorts

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? My friend Mags

95: what are your plans for this weekend? Going on a date and going boating with my family

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? I always procrastinate them lol my computer must hate me

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? It was 6? Years ago and I didn’t have the right shoes and slipped on some mud and fell

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. I have a YouTube playlist for that shit lol there’s like 100 songs i listen to on repeat

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? Future bc hell if I’m about to relive my past again no thanks fam I’m good

Really Fucking Cute Questions

[morningstarfallen1-archive]

Do the surprise me q's mun!!

1. If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time?[[ Tbh I don’t sleep anyway, so I’d basically just do what I already do, spend all my time playing PS4, browsing tumblr and smoking weed! ]]

2. What’s your favorite piece of clothing you own/owned?[[ My favourite piece of clothing right now would have to be my LiS T-Shirt! ]] 

3. What hobby would you get into if time and money weren’t an issue?[[ Would either have to be acting or MMA, completely different sides of the spectrum, but yeah! ]]

4. How often do you play sports?[[ I don’t at all. I used to play Badminton when I was in high school but that was it! ]]

5. What fictional place would you most like to go to?[[ NGL I would love to be in Storybrooke! Once Upon a Time is a brilliant show and I love all of the characters so I would have to say Storybrooke, yeah! ]]

6. What job would you be terrible at?[[ I would be atrociously bad at being an accountant or an English Teacher, I’m terrible with numbers and I’m dyselxic with reading! ]]

7. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would you have a good chance at winning a medal for?[[ Does smoking weed and being a lazy shit count because I’m sure I’d win gold? ]]

8. What skill would you like to master?[[ I would love to master playing at least one musical instrument, I only know basics of guitar, very very little piano, basic flute and obviously vocals but I would love to master one of them! ]]

9. What do you not want me to ask you?[[ …tbh I don’t mind what I’m asked so please feel free to ask me anything at all, I’ll be happy to either answer or expertly avoid answering it! ]]

10. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on?[[ I would love to go on a major road trip to visit all the abandoned asylums of the world! Ngl I’m a bit of a weirdo like that but they always fascinate me! ]]

11. If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would you change and why? [[ I would change the fact that I am a major mind fuck and need to properly sort myself out before I ruin my own life and others around me :/ ]]

12. What’s your favorite drink? [[ Non-Alcoholic would have to be Irn Bru and Alcoholic would have to be Southern Comfort and Lemonade ]] 

13. What do you consider to be your best find? [[ I’m not even gonna try and make an answer up for this one, I have no idea, I have a memory like a sieve ]] 

14. Are you usually early or late?[[ I’m usually early. I HATE being late for things so I always try and make sure that I leave with plenty of time to spare! ]]

15. What pets did you have while growing up?[[ I had a puppy that unfortunately got run over because he escaped the house when he was only a few months old :( and I have also had a rabbit and 2 hamsters. I’ve not got any pets now though ]] 

16. When people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with?[[ Relationship advice (funny seeing as I’m single and yet again questioning my sexuality :/) and Transgender issues and advice ]]

17. What takes up too much of your time?[[ UNI…UNI…OH DID I MENTION UNI?! ]]

18. What do you wish you knew more about?[[ I wish I knew more about the course I am currently doing at uni because I’m ngl I am genuinely going in blind here, I am at so much or a loss it’s unreal! ]]

19. What would be your first question after waking up from being cryogenically frozen for 100 years?[[ How much more have we fucked the world compared to 100 years ago? ]]

20. What are some small things that make your day better? [[ Weed, My friends (especially Tristan and Fraser), stupid jokes in the internet, listening to music ]]

21. Who’s your go-to band or artist when you can’t decide on something to listen to? [[ Pentatonix ]]

22. What shows are you into?[[ Well here is a list for ya:

Once Upon a Time

iZombie

The Walking Dead (Only on season 4, I know I’m slow!)

Rick and Morty

Big Mouth

Archer

Family Guy

Disjointed

American Horror Story

Gotham

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Grace and Frankie

Scream (Series)

23. Who has impressed you most with what they’ve accomplished?[[ To be perfectly honest. I’m most impressed with myself. I have accomplished so much in my life that it is hard to believe that am I were am I today, even if I do still suffer from depression and anxiety ]]

24. What age do you wish you could permanently be?[[ any age between 25 and 30 ]]

25. What would be your ideal way to spend the weekend?[[ In my bed, with munchies, my playstation controller and a huge bag of weed ]]

26. What’s something you like to do the old-fashioned way?[[ As much as MP3 and MP4 and all this sort of stuff are a great way for music moving forward, nothing will beat the sound that comes from a Vinyl record! ]]

27. What have you only recently formed an opinion on?[[ My own sexuality :/ ]]

28. What’s the single best day on the calendar?[[ Now that’s a hard one to choose tbh because everyone will more than likely choose one of the more obvious holidays such as Halloween, Christmas, Easter and their birthday, the usual ones to pick but tbh I would have to say the single best day on the calendar is The first day of Autumn, mainly because it means that all the best times in the year are usually about to happen :) ]]

29. What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of?[[ There are a lot of bands and artists that I am interested in that most people I know would never have heard of which is sad but it happens! ]]

30. What is the most annoying question that people ask you?[[ “Did you dye your hair blue because you’re a rangers supporter?” NO MY HAIR COLOUR HAS FUCK ALL TO DO WITH FOOTBALL!! ]]

31. What could you give a 40-minute presentation on without absolutely no preparation?[[ I gave a 30 minute presentation on teaching last year in uni without a lot of preparation so I’m sure I could pull a presentation about something I am actually interested in without any preparation at all! So I would have to say I could give a 40 minute presentation of Life is Strange with no problem at all xD ]] 

32. If you were a dictator of a small island nation, what crazy dictator stuff would you do?[[ I would more than likely just lower the prices of video games and consoles, legalize weed and get my people to build puppy cafes in every city and town xD ]]

33. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?[[ I feel that everyone show at least get to travel to a different country, no matter where it is, they should get to experience a different country to their own at least once. ]]

34. What’s worth spending more on to get the best?[[ Weed :P I’m sorry have I mentioned that I am a stoner? ]]

35. What is something that a ton of people are obsessed with but you just don’t get the point of?[[ Game of Thrones… I am so sorry guys, I just don’t get it. I’ve seen a couple of episodes and I just don’t see why it’s such an obsessive program ]]

36. What are you most looking forward to in the next 10 years[[ Graduating from Uni with a BA (Hons), Going to Florida again next year, Going to see Katya in Feb, Going to Amsterdam with my friends and hopefully finally sorting myself out and realizing what I truly want in life. ]]

37. Where is the most interesting place you’ve been?[[ Isle of Man. It is such a historical little place and so full of info and interesting stuff! ]]

38. What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but just haven’t gotten around to?[[ There are a few games that I keep saying I’m gonna give them a go and still haven’t gotten around to doing so! ]]

39. What’s the best thing that happened to you last week?[[ I met a good group of people that have become good friends while I was in Italy last week! ]]

40. What piece of entertainment do you wish you could erase from your mind so that you could experience it for the first time again?[[ Life is Strange! ]]

41. If all jobs had the same pay and hours, what job would you like to have?[[ A video game tester! ]]

42. How different was your life one year ago?[[ It wasn’t much different from what it is now. Still working in the same job, still single as fuck, still a student, so yeah, not much different at all ]] 

43. What’s the best way to start the day?[[ If possible, with a little wake and bake but if not then a good cup of coffee or tea and a good bed stretch! not in the order obviously! ]]

44. What quirks do you have?[[ I don’t really know my own quirks, my friends seem to point them out to me now and again, like apparently I pull the same face in all my selfies, I’m quite ocd when it comes to putting money into my wallet, they notes have to be facing the same way and put into order of note worth xD ]] 

45. What would you rate 10/10?[[ Chloe Price is 10/10 in my eyes! ]]

46. What kind of art do you enjoy most?[[ Music. Music is my favourite kind of art ]] 

47. What do you hope never changes?[[ to be honest, I really don’t know. There are that many things in my life that I do want to change that I can’t think of anything I don’t want to change. ]] 

48. What city would you most like to live in?[[ I already live in Glasgow and even if I do say I hate the place I actually love it, it’s a beautiful city, just a lot of the people here are dickheads! ]]

49. What movie title best describes your life?[[ A Series of Unfortunate Events ]] 

50. What’s the best way a person can spend their time? [[ The best way to spend your time is by doing something you enjoy and not something that makes you feel like you just want to give up all the time. ]]

[thesummerfox]

Rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 whoever the fuck you want

I was tagged by the fabulous @goddamnitkastle and @laura--howlett , thank you both so much! I’m tagging @wolveria, @emanationman, @thewonderginger, @sonicskullsalt, @carry-the-sky, @wasleichtes, @secondary2mary , @kteague , and @theycallmeeverlasting with absolutely no pressure to do this cos it’s a lot of stuff but if you’re bored like me.. go give it your best shot? 

Setting this under a read more cos I doubt anyone wants my babbling on their dash..

The Last …

1. drink: apple juice

2. phone call: I think I called mom to let her know what time I’d be coming home

3. text message: one from work asking if I remembered a password cos the entire IT dept is out on holiday and they couldn’t access a laptop lol

4. song you listened to: Na Na Na by Pentatonix

5. time you cried: ugly cry has been a while but casual cry was a few days ago

Have you ever ...

6. dated someone twice: I’m not sure how they mean this question but I’ve never casually dated, I’ve always been friends with people first and ‘dating’ felt a lot like hanging out (except with more kissing lol) so I dunno?

7. kissed someone and regretted it: nope. I love kissing people and I do way too little of that so my only regret is not kissing more people haha!

8. been cheated on: not to my knowledge.

9. lost someone special: Yes, either because they died or because they left my life. 

10. been depressed: oh yes. My last major episode’s been a while, but I get downer moods like no tomorrow after I come off one of my high-as-a-kite moods so that’s a lot of fun. *eyerolls* Always have to be careful in fall/winter cos I’m more susceptible to a depressive bender in those months.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: I’ve never even gotten drunk lol -- tipsy is the most I can manage because I’m a controlfreak like whoa

Favorite Colors…

12. Sky blue

13. Dark purple

14. Sunshine yellow/bright pink (hah I can’t choose!)

In The Last Year Have You…

15. made new friends: yesss

16. fallen out of love: nope. Been a while since I’ve been in it, if I’ve ever been at all.

17. laughed until you cried: that’s the best kind, so absolutely! I am the type to just start laughing hysterically or crack a few jokes that are funny to nobody but me so you can imagine that I’m not a stranger to just laughing so hard that I start crying

18. found out someone was talking about you: yeah, in both good and bad ways

19. met someone who changed you: always -- in big and small ways

20. found out who your friends are: thankfully, yes. 

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: yes

General

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: it’s a 50/50 cos I hate using FB for anything other than games and I have added people I only know from online interactions before cos they’re awesome and I wanna see what’s up in their lives

23. do you have any pets: not anymore =(

24. do you want to change your name: nah, I’m good with my name. My name and I are best friends right around now lol

25. what did you do for your last birthday: uhh I don’t recall what I did on the day itself but I know that I went to see the movie Jackie not too long after my birthday and called it my birthday outing so that’s that

26. what time did you wake up: 5am because my brain hates me

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: getting ready for bed

28. name something you can’t wait for: new Game of Thrones season

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: she’s literally in the next room so like 10 seconds ago lol -- I still live at home

31. what are you listening to right now: chirping birds in the backyard

32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeah

33. something that is getting on your nerves: the godawful holiday schedule that public transport’s got going on right now holy shit I’m so pissed

34. most visited website: Tumblr

35. hair color: it’s red right now but my natural colour is brown

36. long or short hair: I’m growing it back out to long

37. do you have a crush on someone: when do I not seriously

38. what do you like about yourself: I'm pretty intelligent and creative but I gotta tell ya that the thing I like most about myself is the devil-may-care Aquarius attitude to fashion/make-up that winds up with me mixing patterns and colours and going full-tilt cray with blue lipstick

39. piercings: I just have a hole in each ear so I can wear earrings but then forget about that a lot so I’m stabbing my own ears every so often just to keep them from closing up

40. blood type: I have no idea

41. nickname: no real nickname going on at the moment

42. relationship status: single and too picky to mingle lol

43. zodiac: Aquarius

44. pronouns: She/her.

45. favorite tv show: BANSHEE (I’m sorry I’m all-capsing the fuck outta this but this show is insane in the best way and I want y’all to start watching it if you haven’t already okay good thank me later for your traumas)

46. tattoos: I haven’t got one but I keep thinking about getting one but I’m a chickenshit with a low pain tolerance so eh

47. right or left handed: right-handed

48. surgery: I had some work on my teeth done like ages ago but I’ve never been in hospital for anything 

49. piercing: aside from my earring holes, absolutely nada

50. sport: I took ballet back when I was tiny but lately the most I do is occasional yoga

51. vacation: I’m not going anywhere this year that I know of but I like doing citytrips and a lot of sightseeing stuff

52. pair of trainers: Skechers are awesome for my feet so I’ve got a fair few of those -- I tend to walk around in trainers a lot cos I’m always on the go and cannot walk long distances in crap shoes

More General

53. eating: I’m a superpicky eater but I like my fruit and veg, haha (and the last thing I ate was bread and strawberry jam)

54. drinking: I live off fruit juice and water

55. i’m about to: stare at my screen some more cos I have a writer’s block looming over my long fic

56. waiting for: my holidays to start omg

57. want: to buy a car and move out of the house but in this current economy that’s like saying “I need a ticket to the miracle express”

58. get married: someday, maybe? I’m not seeing anyone and you really do need more than one person for that adventure

59. career: I have one? but it’s like a career born out of necessity that doesn’t totally suck to do on a daily basis and the career I want (I just wanna write let me write) is not constructive as a way to pay the bills

60. hugs or kisses: BOTH. I hug people more than I kiss ‘em but I’m all for both

61. lips or eyes: eyes are the window of the soul yo

62. shorter or taller: I’m relatively tall so my inner circle of people consists of both shorter (mostly girls) and taller (Dutch folks tend to be skyscrapers)

63. older or younger: I’m friends with people much older and quite a bit younger than me -- I really don’t care about that. all my relationships have been with guys who were a bit older tho

64. nice arms or nice stomach: ARMSSS I have a thing with nice hands/arms you don’t even know

65. hook up or relationship: relationship, never done random hook-ups

66. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant (I blame my Cap stellium omg)

67. kissed a stranger: noooo but I totally would not gonna lie

68. drank hard liquor: hahahahahaha oh no

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: nah, I may forget where I put them but I never lost them

70. turned someone down: yeah I’ve had to do that, it’s not fun but if I’m really not feelin’ it I’m not gonna pretend otherwise -- I really fucking hate it when people don’t take a polite “no” for an answer though

71. sex on the first date: depends on how long I’ve actually known someone? if they’re a total stranger, then nope, but if we were friends before dating I just might

72. broken someone’s heart: yes, probably, but I didn’t stick around to watch them fall apart cos I was that done with the relationship and he really really really had it comin’ so I hope I shattered it tbh

73. had your heart broken: yeah but I bounced back all right from that so my guess is that I haven’t crashed and burned the way some folks do over heartbreak

74. been arrested: nah

75. cried when someone died: I have done both the ugly sobbing that just makes everything stream out in a cascade of tears and snot (yeah lol tmi) and the dry-eyed thing that eventually ended in a breakdown months later so uhhuh

76. fallen for a friend: always. not in that I always fall in love with my friends, lol, but in that I have to be friends with someone if I’m really gonna fall for them that way imo

Do You Believe In …

77. yourself:  hell to the yes I do

78. miracles: I think the universe provides for us and sometimes blindsides us in a way that makes us think miracles are real

79. love at first sight: I’ve had it happen and it’s not fun so I wanna stop believing in that okay thanks

80. santa claus: I used to, like I seriously hallucinated reindeer noises at one point

81. kiss on the first date: yes please

82. angels: yes

Other

83. current best friends’ names: they know who they are

84. eye color: green

85. favorite movie: Wonder Woman! (to absolutely nobody’s surprise? hah)

[managart]

Pentatonix: A Contemporisation of The  First Noel

The First Noel is a popular Christmas Carol sung from ages old till today in the 21st century across the world, mainly during Christmas to celebrate the birth of Christ in the Christian Faith, although in more secular groups, it is regarded as a seasonal song.

This essay will trace the origins of The First Noel and its significance to the themes of Christ and the celebration of Christmas, from the beginning of its existence to a modern-day interpretation of it by a popular A capella group (Pentatonix) that now performs it to a globalised audience.

The History of Carols

To begin, a carol, simply put, is a festive folk tune. Christmas carols are mostly similar, except they revolve around Christian ideologies. There is much dispute over when exactly The First Noel was composed and performed, but it is largely agreed upon that its first official date of publication was in Carols, Ancient and Modern (1823), in London. The publication is a collection of popular Christmas Carols, edited, arranged, and compiled by William Sandys, and Davies Gilbert. Depite that, the actual origins come from far before the early 19th century, between the era of classical antiquity and the dark ages, where churches held prominent power.

To understand how the form of a Carol has evolved to its universally adored figure today, its relationship with the church – the sanctified figurehead most people associate with Christmas Carols – must first be clarified.

During the earlier days of the Roman Catholic Church in Europe, ‘Paganism’ referred to all beliefs outside of its body, in basic terms. The challenge of classifying Paganism into a single religion lies in its inclusion of multiple traditions with ways of life heavily influenced by nature, which unfortunately, are associated with witches, dark rituals, and cultists due to misrepresentations by current-day media and the early church who were the first to invent the label ‘Pagan’, which was originally Paganus -  as translated in the Latin Dictionary by Charles T. Lewis and Charles Short as ‘Of or belonging to the country or to a village, rustic’. To summarise, the meaning of ‘Pagan’ can range from anything between a commoner residing in the outskirts of town to an actual follower of the Pagan beliefs.

Due to its dissenting relationship with the church, the meaning of the word ‘Pagan’ has fluctuated and changed greatly in the time since its existence. Nonetheless, the Church at that time abhorred these Carols that the Pagans sang as they were a celebration of an entire community of beliefs that went against the Catholic Christian faith.

In an article written on BBC, Burton-Hill wrote that singing and related Christmas festivities were abhorrent and sinful because they viewed celebrating Christ’s birth on 25 December as a ‘commercial’ tradition that derived – with no biblical justification – from the Roman Catholic Church, threatening their core Christian beliefs as nowhere had it been written that God had called upon mankind to celebrate Christ’s nativity in such manners. In 1644, an Act of Parliament effectively banned the festival. Following up in June 1647, the Long Parliament passed an ordinance confirming the abolition of the feast of Christmas.

Despite difficult circumstances, carols have persisted from the dark ages far into the 18th century, mostly by word of mouth, given that they did not exist in the form of a score sheet as the singers of these tunes – peasants – were often illiterate.

Fast forward into the 19th century, The First Noel is collated and published with the introduction of lyrics for the first time in history under Carols, Ancient and Modern, as mentioned before. From there, it grows into the tune of The First Noel that the world is familiar with today.

In between the 20th and 21st century, The First Noel has been performed several times and published in many commercial Christmas albums in the style of the singer in question, a few notable ones being Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, and more recently, Pentatonix.

A Contemporary Interpretation of The First Noel

Pentatonix is an American-based performance group consisting 5 vocalists - Avi Kaplan, Scott Hoying, Kirstin Maldonado, Kevin Olusola, and Mitch Grassi, which reflects the pentatonic scale of five notes.

The group first rose to fame after winning NBC’s The Sing-Off in 2013. Since then, they have toured all around the world, including Singapore, where they will return again in 2017 as part of Formula 1 Singapore Grand Prix’s Headlining Acts as a contemporary pop group performing in the style of A Capella singing.

A Capella is a form of music-making where a group (or at times, a soloist) of voices are unaccompanied by any other instrument in performing a piece of music

Originating from Gregorian Chants first sung in the Renaissance period in Roman Catholic churches across Western continents and composed by anonymous groups of people whose names are now lost to time, the structure – including notation, composition, and distribution of voice – has evolved greatly between the time of Gregorian Chants to what A Capella is today, though both forms still keep to the rules of producing music purely with the human voice.

With that introspective, alike Gregorian Chants, The First Noel we know today is vastly different from what it was.

For comparative purposes, the ‘original’ The First Noel that shall be used as a study against Pentatonix’s cover will be the version published in Carols, Ancient and Modern (1823).

Length-wise, the original The First Noel is much shorter, with only one stanza of combined lyrics and scores for piano and an accompanied voice:

The first Nowell that the Angel did say

Was to certain poor shepherds in fields as they lay

In fields where they lay keeping their sheep

In a cold winter’s night that was so deep

Nowell Nowell

Nowell Nowell

Born is the King of Israel

Pentatonix’s cover is the version inherited from the New English Hymnal, with extended lines as it has already shifted from its original form, which was meant for a singular voice sung along with the piano based from its score sheet.

The New English Hymnal (1986) has rearranged The First Noel to fit the four-part harmony (Soprano Alto Tenor Bass) structure that majority of church choirs are familiar with singing, and Pentatonix has taken an excerpt of that with the lyrics mentioned beforehand along with the following:

They looked up and saw a star

Shining in the East beyond them far

And to the earth it gave great light

And so it continued both day and night

Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel

Born is the King of Israel!

The old rendition of The First Noel lacks a contemporary flair introduced to its more recent cover by Pentatonix’s usage of the SATB voices interchangeably. In its predecessor’s form, there is no presence of the SATB format, given that it was not produced to be sung by four voices at that time. Instead, it resembles a series of tonal harmonies with a bass constructed purely to harmonise with the melody.

Pentatonix has the luxury of 5 flexible voices that range between a mezzo soprano to a bass along with a beatboxer who all actively play different parts, although they overlap responsibilities with melodies often being either shared all switched amongst all voices involved in the song as a stylistic decision to brand themselves as a performance group with this as their specialty. Sopranos are often the main skeleton of a melody that people hear as what the tune encompasses. The Bass Line provides the harmony to match the main tune sung by the Soprano while the Alto and Tenor are known as harmonic fillers that flesh out decoratively to give finishing touches and to fill up what otherwise would sound empty in its wake.

Based on a video on TIME, Pentatonix has broken down rearrangements for A Capella in a very simple form – introduction of the beatboxer to establish a ‘groove’, which would be a common tone constructed by beatboxing, the emptiness amongst the beats filled up by a bass line, followed by background part(s) that would also be sounds made by the mouth instead of actual lyrics, then a harmonisation to match said background part before the proper solo lyrics of the song are introduced. Decorations to individual songs are added along the way to the end of the arrangement to provide a uniquely ‘Pentatonix’ personality to each cover.

Disregarding just the altered medium of presentation, the team behind Pentatonix has completely unwrapped and redressed the original The First Noel in a fashion that was impossible in the 19th century, utilising aural and visual communication skills via publicity through social media, in the entire package of a music video on YouTube as its method of delivery to its audience.

Pentatonix’s The First Noel is targeted to its audience of a general age between early teenage years to late adulthood. Other than performing live at concerts and touring around the world, as primary consumers of the world-wide web, their audiences have easy access to YouTube, where similar covers have been published on their channel, granting them the ability to rewatch the video repeatedly to their heart’s content at no cost, thus allowing the band to monitor their fans’ reactions to everything they do from a statistical viewpoint as YouTube collects data on its watchers with precise accuracy.

Compare this to the target audience of the original The First Noel, or even the New English Hymnal’s version of only churchgoers. The target audience has changed incredibly, from being a song sung in churches to celebrate the birth of Christ to now being marketed as a seasonal song for anyone of any religion, as long as they are connected to the internet. Carols in the context of the 21st Century have advanced beyond the Pagans and the Church to reach people across all walks of life who listen not for religious reasons, but to keep up with the everchanging inclinations of society as a single unit.

Previously, The First Noel were notes on a score with words scribed into them that were an entire entity distanced away from its audience, but Pentatonix’s version has revamped the carol completely with the usage of audio-visual tools that involve cinematography in the form of a music video showing the five-member band singing at the consumer in stylised fashion attires, branding the experience as almost ‘being interpersonal with the singers’ to sell the song in way where the watcher feels as if the cover was made only for them, the marketing team going so far to involve fans in a competition designed to include audiences in a community where they are able to feel closer to their idols.  These methods have influenced how The First Noel is being received today as a Christmas Carol, as it is now promoted as a pop song with multiple marketing strategies to attract new listeners, even if in the eye of the hurricane, it is fundamentally a simple tune that has been refurbished and republished time and again.

Concluding Thoughts

Pagan carols were appropriated by the Roman Catholic church and now further appropriated by secular performance groups for a modern audience as part of entertainment. A traditional song with a religious subject is able to reach a modern-day audience through its presentation which appeals to aural and visual senses for communication. Alike a chameleon, the survivability of The First Noel has been dependant chiefly on its ability – or man’s ability – to change its form and colour to keep up with trends of different times and to cater to the demands of the public, or spending power, which used to be the Church, but now belongs to the common people.

Ultimately, it is an everlasting symbol of Christ as well as the impact of the religious affiliations by the early church, which is evident still in today’s version of The First Noel as it is still considered a celebratory seasonal piece released as covers during Christmas. Pentatonix has opened up the listening audience by blending 21st Century technology together with an old tune known by millions – a direction that will be able to bridge connections and form bonds between the old and the new.

List of Citations:

Burton-Hill, Clemency. “When Christmas carols were banned.” BBC, 19 Dec. 2014, http://www.bbc.com/culture/story/20141219-when-christmas-carols-were-banned.  Accessed 18 Feb 2017.

Butterworth, Anna. Harmony in practice. London: Associated Board of the Royal School of Music, 2009. Print.

Greene, Richard L. “Modern Language Notes.” Modern Language Notes, vol. 48, no. 2, 1933, pp. 133–134. www.jstor.org/stable/2912275.  Accessed 18 Feb 2017.

Greene, Richard L. “Renaissance News.” Renaissance News, vol. 15, no. 3, 1962, pp. 224–227. www.jstor.org/stable/2857888.

Kephart, Rick. “Gregorian Chant Notation.” Lphrc, http://www.lphrc.org/Chant/. Accessed 18 Feb 2017.

Neale, K. Elizabeth. “Colonial Celts and Christmas Carols: Cornish Music and Identity in South Australia.” Ethnomusicology Review, 3 Sept. 2015, http://ethnomusicologyreview.ucla.edu/content/colonial-celts-and-christmas-carols-cornish-music-and-identity-south-australia. Accessed 18 February 2017.

Taylor, John. “Original Correspondence.” The Musical Times and Singing Class Circular, vol. 13, no. 311, 1869, pp. 647–647. www.jstor.org/stable/3353734.

““THE FIRST NOEL” FAN A CAPELLA COVERS.” PENTATONIX, http://ptxofficial.com/news_archive?page=news_item&NewsID=3765647632921&last_page=news_archive. Accessed 18 Feb 2017.

“[Official Video] The First Noel – Pentatonix.” Youtube, uploaded by PTXofficial, 15 Dec 2015. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0u5UvnKlCTA

“Watch Pentatonix Break Down Their Sound.” Time, uploaded by Feeney, Nolan and Salima Koroma. http://time.com/4083364/pentatonix-interview-cheerleader-cant-sleep-love/

Ware, Mark and Jerry Harrison. “What makes a Christmas carol?” BBC, 16 Dec. 2009, http://news.bbc.co.uk/today/hi/today/newsid_8414000/8414395.stm. Accessed 18 Feb 2017.

[monstroushellbride]

Farewell Letter to Bones

As Bones draws to its close, I wanted to say good-bye to this show that has done so much for me as a person, as a writer, as a student, and as a woman. Hopefully I can keep it together enough to actually write a coherent letter!

I got into Bones about a year ago- yes, I was very late to the party. I was flicking through channels and landed on Fox. I stayed because I was in my Buffy phase and I definitely wanted to watch David Boreanaz, but also because Pentatonix was on and I love Pentatonix.

I only planned to watch that one episode, but I got drawn in so fast. The relationships between the characters were just so beautiful and I had to continue watching. As soon as my family subscribed to Netflix, I began watching everything I could.

As a writer, Bones helped me learn to write interesting stories and dynamic relationships. I can honestly say that my writing has gotten so much better since I’ve spent time really watching Bones and getting to know the characters. The story is so character driven and I love it. I’ve learned so much about writing good characters and good storylines and taking a romance slow, I don’t even have the words to describe it.

As a student, Bones really encouraged me to work harder in my studies. I’ll be taking the SAT in May and I’m looking into colleges and this show has honestly helped so much. Every time I get discouraged, I think of Brennan or Angela or Cam or Sweets and I push on. They’ve inspired me to work harder, be better, be the best version of me I can be. 

As a woman, the strong female characters on Bones have just been incredible. They’re real women. Just like your mom or the woman next door or the lady who sits next to you in church. They’re strong but they can also be vulnerable. They’re very human. And they’re so secure with themselves that it’s inspired me so much.

But honestly, the most important thing Bones has done for me is save my life. Ever since I was eleven, I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety. I’ve had several points in my life where I’ve been extremely suicidal. And about ten months ago, I was at one of those points.

I was so tired, I was in so much pain, and so I began planning my suicide. I won’t go into details. I just wanted to die. I NEEDED to die.

But that night I watched an episode of Bones- The Lost In the Found. The episode where they found the body of Molly Delson, who had committed suicide. It was the moment where Brennan is on the platform, sitting and examining the books that Molly had. 

She tells Angela, “I'm using my own life as a reference. Now I have perspective, but... then, when I was isolated like Molly... ...it was difficult to imagine that I would ever find a life that I would enjoy living....[Now] I have a wonderful life. I'm sorry for Molly that she never got the chance to realize that she could have one, too.” 

I’ve looked up to Brennan for so long, I’ve admired her life, and that moment made me burst into tears. I quite literally had to pause the episode and take a few minutes to cry. 

Then later in the episode, she realizes that Molly killed herself and she talks to Booth about it, she tells him that she wishes Molly didn’t see that as the only option, that she felt safe enough to have someone to talk to. It was honestly the first moment in my life that I saw adults as being people I could go to for help, people I could trust and talk to, because I’ve never had that.

But the episode made me reconsider. It made me stop, it made me realize suicide really wasn’t the answer because I want to be as accomplished as Brennan. And it didn’t get better right away. I still have depression, I still have anxiety. 

But any time I even think about killing myself, every time that life gets a little too hard? I think of that moment. 

So thank you, Bones. Thank you for inspiring me. Thank you for teaching me. Thank you for giving me amazing role models. And thank you for saving my life.

I’m gonna miss you guys.