#which feels like it indicates that i dont care enough

[tarotenchantress]

Astro observations pt.III 🐼LONER EDITION🐼

DO NOT PLAGIARISE MY WORK

All my observations are based on *personal* experiences

By- tarotenchantress🧚🏻‍♀️

I decided to make this post cause i too dont have alot of friends and decided to astro analyse

Here are some placements that indicate not having alot of friends, having a tough time making friends, feeling left out or sticking out in groups, not being able to stay in groups in general.

🐼saturn in 11th house, 10th house, 7th house, 1st house, 5th house, 6th house 3rd house, making aspects with personal planets like sun moon venus or with ascendant or mc, saturn in libra, aquarius, capricorn, cancer, gemini, scorpio, saturn in degree of 7°, 19°, 11°, 23°, saturn retrograde.

[Saturn restricts and creates a lack in the area it occupies. It also tends to create a harsher environment which may mean that you may sometimes feel as jf the peoplw around you dont show much care or concern towards you in comparison to others. You may also constantly feel as if you have to work harder to win them over or to be recognised.]

🐼neptune in 4th house, 3rd house, 1st house, making aspects with ascendant, sun, mc, in the houses 6th house 10th house, 5th house, 11th house, in the signs of libra, aquarius, gemini, capricorn in degrees of 7°, 19°,23°,11° degree

[ neptune tends to create haze in whatever area it occupies which means that even though you may undertsand others on a deeper level, you may feel like others dont, or you may feel as if others tend to forget about you or dont feel recognised enough, on occasions people may not even notice you or know you enough. People may also project on you alot and if you dont live upto their expectations they may reject you or you may try very hard trying to mold yourself into whatever they want. You may also feel a bit hesitant to stand up for youself]

🐼 uranus in 6th house, 5th house, 11th house, 1st house, 10th house, making aspects to these houses, in the signs of aqua, cap, libra, sag, scorp, in the degrees of 7°,11°,23°,19°,aspects with mc or personal planets.

[ uranus is by nature erratic and tends to create a bit of instability in whatever house it occupies. You may have friends one day and the next day they are gone. Like?? Poof.]

🐼 mars in 1st, 7th, 11th, 10th, 3rd, 6th house, making aspects with these houses, in the sign of aries, leo, scorp, cap, aqua, libra, in the degrees of 11°,19°,7°,23°

[Whatever house mars occupies or touches tends to creste a sense of hostility and competition, it may mean that people may be a bit hostile towards you or may view you as hostile or competitive or make you their competition, people with these placements may experience others putting you down in front of others or may experience that friends turned into enemies trope also jealousy is a common theme.]

🐼pluto in 6th house, 5th house, 11th house, 1st house, 10th house, making aspects to these houses, in the signs of aqua, cap, libra, sag, scorp, in the degrees of 7°,11°,23°,19°,aspects with mc or personal planets.

[Whatever house pluto touches or occupies creates an intense relation no matter what. You may feel as if people view you in a sexual manner, people may initially avoid you or stare at you as if theyre sensing you energetically, you may also experience people approaching you with manipulative sentiments or intentions, alsoo you may experience it that when you reject someone as friends or partner, the rejected party may start spreading rumours about you or become obsessed with trying to put you down or humble you and this may be a secret intention. People you dont know or notice know you and notice you. I have it in my 3rd house which also governs neighbourhod/neighbours and it squares my venus in 6th house and istg people idk know me and observe me but i keep my guards up. The people you befriend may also be jealous of you or become possessive over you and brooo.... its not a good thing so dont romanticise it like a pillowfucker♡]

🐼lilith in 6th house, 5th house, 11th house, 1st house, 10th house, making aspects to these houses, in the signs of aqua, cap, libra, sag, scorp, in the degrees of 7°,11°,23°,19°,aspects with mc or personal planets.

[Creates a similar theme to pluto but here you'll be shamed even more]

🐼 12th house personal placements

🐼sun and moon, mercury in 4th, 8th house.

🐼 4th, 12th, 8th hluse stellium

🐼mercury in aquarius or capricorn or pisces or scorpio

[May make you more private with your thoughts and you may feel as if others dont understand your ideas or you dont have anyone to talk too. It may also create trust issues.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi sex witch! This is kinda a scary ask to send but you’ve always seemed kind to other people asking scary questions so I feel brave enough to ask. So I’m a person with what I would say a fairly healthy and positive attitude abt sex- big fan of jacking off when the mood strikes and I’ve had a few partners. However, something that is really upsetting and scary to me are sex dreams because a lot of times I have dreams abt having sex with ppl I shouldn’t be having sex with and DONT WANT to be having sex with- notably, my father and my brother. I have strange dreams normally- anxiety related usually- but I HATE waking up from these dreams, I feel so sick and ashamed. I’m not even generally attracted to men, and these dreams make me feel like I need to second guess my identity. Additionally, my father is dead so I wake up feeling like my brain has disrespected his memory.

I’m trying to get a therapist for other unrelated reasons but a) my insurance is terrible and I’m having trouble finding someone in network and b) I would be so scared to say these things to a therapist - what if I’m secretly much more mentally ill than I knew, what if they hospitalize me, what if they put me on a sex offender registry?

Beyond “go to therapy” is there any advice you can offer me? It’s really very distressing and I’m really sick of it.

hi anon,

let's take a BIG DEEP BREATH before we start, okay?

so, first and foremost let me just say this, because it's important: nobody is going to hospitalize you or put you on a registry for something happening in your dreams. your dreams are not necessarily a reflection of anything you want or would enjoy in real life; your dreams are a pile of goo your brain spits out while its sifting information around trying to make a bunch of pieces fit together. unfortunately, I worry that you amount of stress and anxiety you feel about these dreams may be keeping them so front and center in your mind that makes them keep coming up over and over when you're asleep, creating a vicious cycle.

listen, I can't tell you how to change or feel better about your dreams. but I can tell you that people having sexual dreams that are in no way indicative of their actual desires is INCREDIBLY COMMON. none of those people are a danger to themselves or anyone else because of something their subconscious does that's entirely beyond their control, and that includes you.

having said that, it's totally understandable that you find these dreams disturbing and upsetting. for the time being, while you're managing them on your own, try to get yourself to a calm place while you're getting ready for bed - whatever works for you, whether it's mindfulness, melatonin, exercise, tea, warm bath and candles, taking time away from your phone, etc - and preparing space to be gentle with yourself and get into a good headspace when you wake up by making an extra nice breakfast, taking a long shower, going for a long walk, or anything else that will help you get out of your head and take care of yourself in the aftermath of an upsetting dream.

and if you do manage to find a reliable therapist soon, which I hope you do, I would strongly encourage you to bring this up with them if the problem is still persisting by then. anything causing you anxiety and distress is something that is worth talking over with a therapist, especially since leaving one stress factor unaddressed can also hold you back from resolving others - it's hard to focus on anything when restful sleep is off the table. once you've established a good rapport with a therapist, some conversations around this could be super helpful for you.

wishing you the best with finding some peace of mind xoxo

[azure-cherie]

Some astrology observations part 5 💗

Helloooo the year is about to be over I've been so absent since some time how are you doing, hope the season has been giving you a good time , please note that I'm not an astrologer and all of these are observation based and for fun, some of the stuff could be wrong please take into account what you can relate to . My observations are based on sidereal measurements :)

Base your skincare routine on the basis of your mercury and Venus placements.

Though mula is supposed to be very agressive they are are actually quite feminine, they usually forgive people very easily but don't fall into their bad books or else you're done i swear 🤡.

Uttara Phalguni's are literally those women who hype other women up so much in ngos and for women empowerment they are always down for helping us lift up.

Chitra women have so perfect lips and jawlines omg 😭.

Shravanas love to talk , at times they talk too much and regret it , get ready for long rants if they feel comfortable around you .

Moon or Jupiter dominance might give you a romantic or a theatrical romantic body type. (Kibbe). where's Saturn or sun will give you a dramatic one .

Shatabhishas are usually the classic or gamine .

Angelic essence can be found in gemini , saggitarius women.

Sun sextile moon : cooperation towards fulfillment of dreams , balance between mind and soul , this will make you a very nurturing human and very intuitive, will make you kind and very giving to the people around you.

Jupiter square Saturn : since jup is about expansion and is in square with Saturn the planet of restrictions . This could give one old Hollywood type of melancholy, as well as beauty, although I'm not sure about this but , this aspect is shared by : Marilyn Monroe, Lana del rey , Cindy Crawford, Janet Jackson, also to point out the tragic trajectories of their life , sensuality that arrives with placement.

Venus trine saturn : it can give one broad shoulders, A line body too , it is a very it girl placement , bad bitch placement , could also cause karmic relationships and transformation and learning through relationships.

Node conjunct moon : it can give you wide eyes , you will be intuitive as well , with this placement you can easily see through anyone , their darkest desires , however if you aren't stable enough this might make you conscious paranoid etc.

Sun conjunct Venus : Happy go lucky people, often others fall in love with them because of their friendliness, they are the personification of a sunshine , it makes one very known among the peers too . It could also indicate having a warm skin tone , high cheek bones.

Neptune trine mercury: i have a friend with this aspect she said when she studies too much during exams , she recalls stuff in her dreams . This could also be a placement for creativity, you could be into surrealism, dream interpretation as a hobby .

Pluto trine moon : often have an isolated childhood, although some people love them , they love them with conditions and due to them being so intuitive they get to know it , which makes them feel lonely, however as they grow they get used to it , or find friends like them , they're very good at comforting sad and traumatized people , could go into field like therapy.

Rohini women really don't give a fuck i swear they have this thing of their thinking being higher than their feelings, they definitely do have feelings but they dont let it over power them being in control keeps them above . They believe in home made remedies for skin and healthy life , very much into self care .

You are going to attract the sign in your 7H a lot but i don't necessarily think that is the sign you are going to marry so don't mistake it , sometimes it could be karmic as well your spouse is kind of a mix of your darakaraka , 7H lord placement and your D9 7H lord placement, that doesn't mean that you should avoid people with sign in your 7H but it means that see for yourself for me personally it doesn't work . But i do have a lot of people in my life with my 7H sign as their moon sign in my life .

It you're feeling creatively blocked you could share or tell about it to the someone with the sign of your 5th H as your moon sign or the sign of your 12th H as your moon sign ( 12 as it's an indicator of our subconscious and your daimon aka creative genius ) it may help you , if you're feeling spiritually blocked someone with your 8th H placement or 12 H placement as their moon placement could help you , your Jupiter sign could also help you in some way or other now it doesn't mean they would come and heal things for you , but the healthy act of sharing concerns and seeking help and genuine communication also works wonders.

Mercury dom people i met say they feel guilty it they don't study 😭 damn can't relate 😂i can go on for days without studying academically.

Not people with Rahu placements telling everyone they are selfish like 💀.

Libra moons love buying stuff like stationary and makeup but they know how to carefully buy without wasting their money , they invest in the right places.

Jupiter retrograde in 5H can teach people creative arts for remedy , oftentimes they might feel delayed in love and they feel people don't love them or 😭 they are undeserving of love , please it's not like that , give this some time .

Krittikas are some crazy people , very poised but very crazy it's like they have barriers you need to cross but once you do omg it's a rave party going on in their mind .

Oftentimes the women with moon Nakshatras in their big three feel they're not pretty like I've seen their faces look different at different times , a camera can't really capture the beauty of a moon placement person , the same can be considered with a sun nak person . They will compliment everyone but not take their own compliments 🤡 .

Once you have fallen in the eyes of a Purva Bhadrapada you're done expect nothing, you did what you did now they will either ignore or use sarcasm to end you . Jupiterians don't really seek revenge .

Hecate(100) is the Greek goddess of wealth , daily life blessings , magic , witchcraft , mediumship , divination , she's capable of both good and evil and your placements may show where you can accept the evil side of yours and develop it with correlation to your light side of yours to tap into your gifts and take their help as you March forward in life.

Sun in your hecate persona chart relates to your gifts you acquire as you clear up your karma , as you connect more to your soul purpose the more you realise that you have these issues and you have to deal with them , as you do more shadow work , if you have this asteroid aspecting your sun in your natal chart the placement in your persona chart could show how you develop/ embody the gifts , for example mine falls in Saggitarius 2nd H it means i should share my gifts while i travel , gain more wisdom , teach others to connect more to my gifts , it could also mean i could connect easily to the elemental power of the sign , i always loved fire so much (⁠｡⁠♡⁠‿⁠♡⁠｡⁠) . Likewise in Taurus it could mean you can develop your abilities by connecting more to your feminine essence , skincare , being in your receptive energy etc , in gemini engaging in valuable discussions with people , communicating your feelings, connecting to your throat chakra , heal it you have underactive or overactive chakra energy points . Moon in your hecate persona chart reveals about the gift you already have , what is the type of intuition you have , how you feel about your gifts, the basic things you can acquire through your, gifts , how you can achive daily emotional balanve with it , like someone with moon in 1H may be good at spells related to appearance change and manifestation, 2H /4H protection , nurturing healing, 6H reiki , 8H sex , revenge, 12 H could relate to transcendence and connecting more to spirits.Mercury in your hecate persona chart represents your approach to your craft in terms of initiation, it could relate to your items that you use , your affirmations that you say , the text that you write down , someone mercury in gemini or 3 H might place a sigil in their hands for better and faster protection or other purposes, similarly 8H might be helpful with affirmations that are related to sex and magic .

If you're pursuing photography asteroid 443 photographica might be something you should look for , go for micro photography if aspecting mercury or pluto, for professional high definition photography look for aspects with sun and Saturn , blue Aesthetic photography would be good with moon or Jupiter , etc .

Thank you so much for reading 💟 have a great day ahead ✨.

[girldreaming]

cherry waves

subby!abby x reader blurb

porn without plot kind of day >:) abby the deftones princess

summary: sex with abby and she goes all mushy and subby bc i can’t stop thinking about her <3

warnings: nsfw, choking/breath play but mostly hand on throat abby receiving, finger sucky, fingering abby receiving, oral but no description, horny

wc: 1.3k lil shortie

all lowercase and not really proofread

minors go away please I will block you!!

literally no plot just sex under the cut!

“fuck, that feels so good,” abby whines, her right hand leaving its place on your head and going straight to her mouth, teeth biting into the knuckle of her index finger.

for as long as you'd known abby you'd known about her habit of putting things in her mouth, "its like, i dont know, my dad told me it was called an oral fixation, or something, apparently had it since i was a baby," she'd said to you before, when you asked her why she was always nibbling on her fingertips, always biting you - always sinking her teeth into the soft flesh of your thighs, your stomach.

"s' comforting, that's all," she'd smile.

you hum, pushing her thighs apart and they stay, a clear indication you’re beginning to pull out that part of her, the one you only catch glimpses of when you’ve got abby on her back, or on her knees.

she was tired, had just gotten back from a three-day patrol, fresh stitches adorning her arm, blossoms of purple maculating her skin. you'd helped her clean her fingernails, dirt, and blood packed underneath them and encrusted onto her cuticles.

“that was fucking brutal.” she sighed as she walked into your shared space, you waiting for her with tea in the kitchen. she’d looked rough too, her clothes caked with mud and her hair barely kept in the braid you'd done. she was quick to drop her pack and walk over to you, careful not to touch you with her rather grimy hands, leaning her head down to drop a much-needed peck.

it wasn’t long before you'd sent her to the bathroom for a shower, offering to join her but she declined. “you smell like home, don’t you dare.” she’d said, a small "sit with me?" spilling from her lips.

which of course you did, her talking through what she experienced and you glad she couldn’t see your face as it would twist with worry.

but you had her now, you were taking care of her and she was so safe.

“yeah?” you ponder, breath fanning against her core. It always made you feel so powerful when she got this way, gave you an idea of how she must feel all the time.

made fucking sense with the ego she seems to have.

All she can do in response is nod, not a shut up or fuck you. a gentle, slow nod. Her eyebrows are so raised, so furrowed it looks like she's about to start crying.

“abby, it’s okay.” you whisper, your free hand running up the length of her stomach to take her hand out of her mouth, replacing it with your thumb. her spit wet fingers clasp around your wrist, keeping your thumb in her mouth, tongue swirling against the pad of it, teeth just grazing the tip of your nail.

the feeling of her groaning against your own flesh goes straight to the pit of your stomach, a small sound making its way out of you in response. the vibration alone enough to make you feel like you were floating.

abby pulls your hand down, fingers sitting atop yours as she places your hand on her throat, in order to reach, you take your mouth off of her slit, fingers still working their way in and out.

you get up from your own position and push your weight up onto your knees, kneeling in between her own, your body slightly leaning over hers.

can't get over how good she looks right now, how well she’s taking your fingers, your hand on her throat. her eyes big and wide and her wet hair in pieces sticking to her forehead.

“you look so pretty, abs.” you breathe and her eyes close, creases and wrinkles replacing the blue you’re used to.

“so pretty when i fuck the words outta you, huh?” you add, testing your luck.

she laughs, the sound muffled by the hand on her throat. the sound is so low and long, her body shaking softly from the force of it.

“think i like you better with your mouth on my cunt, big shot.” she chuckles, her eyes unscrewing, a smile replacing the lust-driven frown she always got. it's nice to know she was still in there somewhere.

“cant be mean now, i know you’re close, can barely move my fingers.” you just can’t seem to stop hitting the squishy pad of tissue buried inside of her, your hooked fingers relentlessly pressing and prodding. a squeeze here and there, she liked that didn’t she.

“fuck yes.” her head tilts back, thighs wanting so badly to squeeze around your forearm. you begin to move your hand off of her throat, wanting to put your mouth back on her as well but you’re shocked when her hand grips yours, tightening your hold.

“don’t, gonna cum like this.” she’s nodding again, eyes opened slightly, looking down at you but unwilling to make direct eye contact. this was definitely a first, you thought. abby always begged you for your mouth, always needed something on her clit to cum.

then you realize, she’s looking at your fingers, mouth agape. she’s in awe at the sight of them, the only noises bouncing off the walls being abby’s stuttered breathing and the wetness your fingers keep fucking in and out of her.

“please,” she whimpers, hand leaving yours on her throat and going to her inner thigh, pinching and grabbing at the skin there, trying to keep her own legs open. she’s still looking at your glistening fingers working into her, eyes drifting up your forearm to your chest, and finally your face.

your hand leaves her throat then, pressing into the belly of her stomach, feeling her abs tense. you were trying to hold her down, knowing the way her hips would soon be bucking. you pick up one of your knees, placing it on top of her thigh, not enough to hurt but enough for her to feel it if she tried to squirm, your other knee spreading her legs wider.

“i want it, abs, want you to come,” you reassure her and she groans, hips rocking against your fingers despite your hand pressing them down.

“been so good.” she whines, eyes fluttering up towards yours.

don’t know about that, you thought, but fuck, you didn’t want to ruin her moment.

you nod at her, thumb starting to rub at her clit.

“so good, mouse.” you lie, feeling her body tense and your fingers get squished as her walls contract, her breathing picking up into whimpers that swell into moans, her eyes leaving yours as her head tilts back, hand shooting to your wrist, holding it still.

you don’t know where the nickname came from if it was because of her mousy blonde hair, the quiet nature she had when you first met her, or the way she was everywhere all the time. her tendency to steal your food, waiting around so she could have whatever was left. she was simply - in spirit - similar to a mouse.

your thumbs slow their circles, but her chest continues to heave, bicep coming up to cover her face, wipe the sweat, you’re not really sure. your fingers leave her, her hand retreating up to her chest, palm resting against her heart. her damp towel still sits on the bed, and you grab it to wipe your hand off, abby's eyes following your every movement.

“fuck.” she pants, blinking a few times.

you rub at her thighs, trying to get her to relax by drawing circles, watching her breathing slow.

“hmm, c’mere,” she manages, motioning you over to her with her hands.

she pulls you into her chest, both of you bare and warm and frankly, a bit sticky. it’s quiet for a moment, her arms wrapping you up into her and her lips sloppily kissing your head.

“you okay?” you whisper into her chest.

“i’m good, baby.” she says back into your ear. you pull yourself up, supported by your elbows so your stomach is on top of hers, planting a soft kiss to her lips. her hand goes to your jaw, pulling you back in.

“be better if you were sitting on my face though.” she doesn’t miss a beat.

[bbyquokka]

a bunny in heat

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 | seo changbin x gender neutral reader

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄 | hybrid au, smut – 18+ is strongly advised!

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 | changbin is in heat and wants your help

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 | bunny hybrid changbin, sub changbin, soft dom reader, heat cycle, established relationship, rutting, finger sucking, anal fingering, toys (strap-on), pegging, hand job, multiple orgasms, changbin shoots blanks, praises, sub-space, aftercare–if i missed any lmk!

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 | 2.6k ~ (2,607)

♡ m.list — ♡ you can also read it on my ao3

dont repost. dont translate. minors, ageless & default blogs; dni! feedback and reblogs are highly advised and appreciated!

he stands there at the doorway. a pout on his lips and ears hanging low. an oversized t-shirt hanging on his frame, barely covering enough of his behind.

he watches you work at the desk. he watches you push your glasses further up your nose as you squint at the screen before scribbling down some notes in your notebook. he watches you ignore him.

he thumps his foot against the wood floor, a soft high pitched whine from his lips. you fail to hear him, heightening his frustrations so he thumps again. and again. and again until finally you turn your attention to him.

his ears pick up, a smile on his face before he softly whimpers and plays with the hem of the t-shirt.

“hey bunny. what's with all the thumping?” you coo as you take off your glasses. 

“need you.” he whispers so quietly, you lean forward in your chair and strain your ears to hear him.

“what was that? didn't quite catch that.”

“need. you.” changbin swallows and pants, heat rising up from his neck to his cheeks. “need you so so badly.” 

you coo softly before leaning back and patting your thighs. changbin slowly walks to you before straddling your lap. you stroke his back gently, his eyes glassy and doe like. cheeks a light hazy pink and lips shiny with saliva. his natural curls falling past his eyes to which you gently sweep to the side.

“need touch. need warmth. i need you. yn, it hurts. it hurts so much.”

“what hurts, darling?” you cock your head to the side as you watch changbin slowly lift up his t-shirt. your eyes widen a little at the sight of his boner that's straining against the material of his underwear. a wet patch evident indicating his burning desire of want, need and lust.

“my oh my..” you whisper as you delicately trace the outline of his cock with your fingertips. changbin whimpers, his eyes boring into your own and begging you to touch him. “what do we have here then?”

“heat. i think i'm in heat. i think so, i don't know. my body hurts and it's hot, it's so hot yn. i'm burning. help, please. yn.. please, fuck…” he babbles as he claws at the material of his t-shirt and his brows furrow together in frustration. you coo softly, stroking his hot cheek. the softness of your skin causes changbin to shiver and electric-like shock waves to shoot up his spine. 

“shh darling. let me take care of you, ok?” changbin nods, his bottom lip sticking out and tears filling his eyes making them sparkle and glossy. he pants heavily, your fingertips grazing the hot skin of his back and sides.

you trail them down his spine until you reach the most sensitive part of his body: his tail.

you rake your fingers through the soft fluff, changbin's body shaking and muscles tensing. he rests his forehead on your shoulder as you caress and squeeze the soft ball of fluff. his cock twitches in his underwear, heat pooling and surrounding his groin. the wet patch slowly spreads, making changbin feel uncomfortable and sticky as the material sticks to him like glue.

“y-yn..” he stammers. “d-don't.. i, please. o-oh…” 

with your free hand, you gently pat and caress his curls before stroking his long bunny ears. changbin lets whimpers and groans free fall from his lips as he grips onto you. his toes curl and body shakes as he ruts against you, desperate for some sort of relief. you caress and massage his ears as you do the same to his tail before giving him a few squeezes which causes changbin to moan loudly before sobbing.

“mean.. you're so mean yn.” 

“i'm sorry bun. you're just so fun to play with when you're like this.” you coo as you hook your finger under his chin, forcing him to look up at you.

his brown eyes are big and glossy, sparkling and full of desperation. lips parted as his breath hits your face with each pant. you stroke his bottom lip gently with your thumb before pushing it past his lips, changbin wasting no time in wrapping his lips around it and suckling like his life depended on it.

“good bunny.” you praise. his eyes flutter shut as he coats your thumb in his saliva. his tongue swirls around the digit, desperate hums vibrating from his chest. you dip your fingers below the waistband of his underwear for your fingertips to be met with the burning skin of his cock.

you wrap your fingers around his length, squeezing gently before stroking him slowly. changbin's hips move faster and more desperately, his nails digging into the skin of your wrist. drool spills from the corner of his lips and down his chin, his body on fire and hypersensitive.

your touch is gentle, almost unnoticeable, but due to the burning passion and hypersensitivity of his body and skin, his senses have heightened and your gentle touch feels so much more than what it is.

“wait, wait, fuck fuck–hng!” changbin pants heavily, back arching as you rub his sensitive tip with your thumb. his pre-cum smears on the pad of your thumb as you slowly become satisfied with his reaction, however, you want to tease him some more.

“cum.. i think–” his bottom lip quivers as he grips onto your shoulders. his body twitches as you feel his bodily fluid shot and coat your thumb and hand before coating and seeping from the material of his underwear. his ears twitch, broken sobs and whimpers fall from his lips as well as your name.

you continue to rub his tip through his orgasm, your free hand squeezing his cottontail. his penis twitches a few times before changbin pushes your hand away gently due to the oversensitivity being too strong for his weak and lust filled body to handle.

you lean in to plant soft kisses on his face. praises leave your lips, forever complimenting him and telling him how proud you are. your hand trails behind him to cup his butt and squeeze a few times. he shivers with each compliment, mind being slowly reduced to mush with each sweet sentence that rolls off your tongue.

your hand slips under the waistband of his underwear. delicate fingers tracing the curve of his plump ass cheeks. you squeeze the soft flesh, feeling your fingers sink into his skin. your bunny rests his head on your shoulder, chest to chest as he shifts and leans all his weight onto you.

you give a soft hum before using two fingers to slowly rub between his cheeks before your fingertips meet with his wet and puckered hole. his breath hitches in his throat, ears twitching and hands bundling the fabric of your tee as he waits.

“you've prepared.” you hum as you slowly circle his hole with the very tips of your fingers. his thighs shake as he nods slowly, embarrassment filling every fibre of his being.

“need you so badly so i prepared so we don't have to waste time..” he stammers. you give him a small hum of approval before slowly pushing two fingers inside with ease. you're met with a warm and wet feeling around your fingers, his hole clenching around them desperately as you push to the first knuckle.

“i don't.. i don't need preparing.” he whimpers as you thrust your fingers slowly. you raise your eyebrow before kissing his temple.

“i know. i can feel that however, let me have my fun, ok.” changbin swallows and bites his swollen bottom lip hard. his eyes flutter close as he allows himself to relax and enjoy the pleasure that's coursing through his veins.

you push your fingers further in, curling them against his walls before thrusting. changbin's thighs shake and lips part as he pants, eyes squeezing shut as his toes curl. beads of sweat roll down his temples from his forehead. his cock straining against his wet underwear.

he pants heavily, his head turned on your shoulder so his breath is fanning against your neck. you drive your fingers in and out of his hole at a pace that he loves and succumbs to.

you curl and angle your fingers against his walls, fingertips brushing against his prostate. changbin lets out a shriek, his back arching as his toes curl and fingers dig into you. you smirk, kissing his cheek gently as you torture his prostate.

“good bunny.” you praise. “such a good bunny.” 

“m-mhm.. 'm good.. so good. feels good.” he babbles, his ears and bunny tail twitching alongside his muscles. you plant soft kisses on his sweat coated neck, occasionally sucking on the soft skin to leave love bites behind. 

changbin babbles and whimpers whilst shuddering. incoherent moans and whimpers rolling from his tongue, his eyes half lidded and doe like as his plump cheeks hold a nice red glow. 

“gonna–” sentence cut short as he reaches climax once again. his sticky fluid coating his skin and material of his underwear soaking it up once again. his bites down on his lip hard as his body twitches and shudders. he holds his breath for a split second, his puckered hole pulsing around your fingers. 

once calm, he pants as the air resumes in his lungs. you slowly pull your fingers out, stroking his ears gently. changbin shudders for many reasons but one of them being that his underwear is coated in his fluids making him feel embarrassed and somewhat grossed out.

“seeing as you have been so good for me, why don't you hop to the bedroom and get your little toy out. i have a feeling my fingers are far from enough for you.”

changbin's ears stand up straight, an indication that he is extremely happy with your suggestion. he shuffles off your lap before rushing to the bedroom to get the strap-on.

he strips himself down to nothing, positioning himself on the bed as he waits for your arrival. moments later, you arrive and strip down to nothing before kneeling between his opened legs.

you lean down and kiss your bunny softly but also passionately. tongues caress and saliva mixes. changbin desperately clinging onto you, your hands placed on his cheeks gently as you embrace one another sweetly. 

you pull away much to his dismay and hold your hand out. changbin places the purple strap-on in your hands and watches you put it on and adjust. he hands you some anal lubricant to which you thoroughly coat the strap-on with before massaging a nice, big dollop around his red and puckered hole.

“ready darling?” changbin nods his head fast, his bunny ears swaying in time with the motion. you grab the base of the strap-on and nudge the tip of it onto his hole before stroking it. changbin frowns and thumps impatiently on the mattress which causes you to laugh and slowly push inside him.

changbin hisses due to the feeling of being stretched out. you furrow your brows, paying close attention to his body language and facial expressions. you push a little, stop and wait until he has relaxed and urges you for more by being vocal.

one thing you have had to teach changbin is to be vocal. he once was never used to expressing himself during intimacy and grew to just ‘bear with it’ until you taught him how vital it is to be vocal; to express one's discomfort and feelings.

it's been a journey for him. from shutting away his feelings and failing to express himself to doing the exact opposite of what he is used to has been a nervous rollercoaster for him. every time he expresses his feelings (during intimacy or not) he always feels like a burden, embarrassed and feeling like it was a waste to voice his thoughts and feelings.

however, having you by his side and providing him a safe space that allows him to do just that, has been more than enough for him and changbin can't thank you enough.

half of the strap-on is now engulfed inside of changbin. you watch your bunny whimper and shiver at the feeling of fullness. his toes curling against the material of the bedsheets, his bottom lip caught between his teeth.

his hair pushed back and curled from sweat. his soft skin glistening and hole clenching around the strap-on. his cock standing proud with a red tip that's begging to be touched.

“move.. please..” his voice shakes. you hum softly as you slowly start to thrust. you hold onto his waist as you pay close attention to the way his body behaves. only when you hear him whimpering and begging do you pick up the pace, driving the strap-on in and out of him.

his back arches off the bed, hands desperately clinging onto anything and everything. his eyes slowly fill with tears due to the sheer amount of pleasure that's coursing through his veins. his body on fire and mind mush. he can't stop the growing burn he feels around his dick and balls, failing to let you know he is close so when he has reached his third orgasm of the night; it shocks you.

you stop as you watch changbin shake and shiver as he shoots blanks. tears rolling down the corner of his eyes as he looks at you desperately. you swallow a little and stare, wanting the image of your needy yet fucked out bunny to be forever burnt in your mind.

you switch positions briefly, changbin on all fours and you behind. this allows you to tease and play with his sensitive cottontail whilst hitting his sweet spot. you fuck him into the mattress, watch him shoot blanks over and over again. listen to him moan, babble and beg. his cheeks red and tear stained. bottom lip swollen and body marked and sweaty. his muscles screaming at him, telling him no more but he can't help it.

he wants more. his heat is overbearing and powerful. it clouds his rational thinking and makes him think of nothing but you and sex. he knows that the next day is going to be painful and possibly a struggle, but the thought of having you there to baby and look after him makes it all worthwhile.

by the time his heat has passed, it's 4 am. the scent of sex heavy in the air. the morning sun rising to the surface and the birds chirping. however, it's all a faint buzz to you both.

you look over at your exhausted lover, stroking his cheek gently before preparing the necessities for aftercare. a flannel, lotions, creams, ice-packs, snacks and water. you wash down your bunny, applying cream and lotions to his marks and tired muscles.

you change the sheets before helping him into bed and helping him to eat and drink something before watching him pass out with exhaustion with a smile on his face.

as you watch and listen to his soft snores, you take care of yourself. washing your body, changing into some clean underwear and eating and drinking something to replenish what's been lost. you climb into bed beside changbin, grinning when he hums and shuffles closer to you.

“are you sleeping darling?” you whisper. he gives you a tired “mhm” before nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. the tuffs of fur from his ears and his hair tickling your face as you pull him closer to your side. arms around him to hold him close before shutting your eyes and drifting off into a deep and blissful sleep.

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 | i wrote this a while ago and haven't stopped thinking about it so here is the result. some things may not be accurate as it's my second time doing hybrid stuff so i apologise for that!!  don’t forget to leave feedback, reblog and tell me what you think here. curious as to what is next? here is my wips list! i hope you all enjoy! ‹3

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒 (𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍) | @bintificreads ; @septicrebel ; @alyszaen ; @writerracha ; @hyunluvxo ; @aestheticsluut ; @xcookiemonsteer ; @telesvng ; @fairylouist

[arxiearts]

polysho affection headcanons 🌟🎈🤖🍬

anon on twitter asked me about how wxs shows affection and i ended up rambling so i figured i might as well share it on tumblr as well!!!

tsukasa shows his affection through acts of service. he shows it in kind gestures from setting up alarms at midnight (because his ass is definetly in bed by 10pm sharp) to message nene and remind her to go to bed, looking over emu and buying her sweets she mentioned liking in the passing one singular time (he might have fucked up memory but he always makes sure to remember what his loved ones like, another headcanon is that he writes it all in a journal so he doesn't forget) to sneaking veggies in rui's lunches and bringing an extra water bottle because of course that purple cat was too deep into inventing to remember to drink...to sum it up tsukasa loves to scold rui and emu and banter with nene but every single action he does is full of love and care. he shows love when one of them merely coughs and suddenly practice is canceled, theyre all at his house, wrapped in soft blankets as he brews them tea with honey. tsukasa is a tsundere in a way because he will scold emu for visiting kamikou when she is not allowed to but hide her so she can stay and have lunch with the rest of wxs regardless. he will curse rui for giving him trouble and causing mischief (because he *is* on the disciplinary comittee after all) but will still let him go unpunished and smile fondly knowing rui is having fun in a school enviroment.

emu shows love and affection louder and with way more physical contact. she holds nene's hand during walks, swinging it back and forth (which makes nene's hand feel sore but she loves emu too much to say anything), she climbs onto rui like a koala because he is just so big and tall, he is more than happy to carry her on his shoulders so she can feel tall, she tackles tsukasa and jumps into his arms as he yells out "WAIT EMU DONT JUMP!!!!!" but catches her regardless (because he has not once let her fall). she shows her love with cute and silly nicknames, imaginary words and by bragging to everybody she encounters. miya girls must be so tired hearing about her wives for the 10th time that week but the way her eyes sparkle when she brings them up makes it just so obviously that she loves them to hell and back.

nene shows her affection way more quietly. she teases tsukasa and calls him an idiot but makes sure to stay after practice to praise him for good work as she hands him a drink. she might tease him but her love is so obvious in the way she cuddles into his side late at night during a sleepover, console in her hands as he works on a new script. they dont have to exchange any words in between them to know how much they love each other (besides, tsukasa tells her he loves her so openly and the bright pink flush on her cheeks is enough indicator she feels the same.) with rui it's a similar scenario. theyve known each other so long that theyve become a constant in each others lives, so much so that nene can be fully comfortable in rui's pressence at any given moment. i think nene is very embarassed to show affection through stuff like kisses and hugs but when she does the other three make sure to give the same energy back (and more! just where do they get so much energy...) emu is probably the one nene feels the least embarassed about showing physical affection to, maybe because of how often emu is initiating it but nene doesnt mind. how could she when emu's hands always felt so warm in her own?

rui is full of love that he shows through rather unusual but genuine ways. he sends wxs gc a picture of four bugs with a caption "us <3" and a bunch of other shit that gets him an earful from nene and tsukasa and a ton of praise from emu. rui shows his love through making inventions that will help his troupemates, using all of his knowledge to be useful to the ones he loves dearly. it's worth losing sleep over if it means seeing emu's eyes sparkle with excitement as she presses all the colourful buttons he added *just for her*...ah but tsukasa will scold him right? well, he supposes he doesn't mind being scolded a little...he knows very well its coming from the place of good intention. rui shows his love through sticking up for his loved ones when they're facing an obstacle and turning from a sneaky cat to a testy and defensive dog.

to finish this off—wonderlands x showtimes loves each other a lot and i might just be slightly autistic.

[froglover7789]

Why don't the prequels work as Vader's backstory? It's literally about how anyone no matter how good or well intentioned has the propensity for evil if they let themselves make bad decisions.

Narratively I think it's beautiful and tragic that way.

i think the prequels r actually about how corruption and manipulation and desperation and fear can ruin a person---not just bad decisions :3c and the prequels r consistent with some of the messaging of the originals in that way but that doesnt necessarily mean they serve as a good backstory

heres a handful of reasons why i dont think anakins back story really works with vader:

the originals imply that anakin and uncle owen are blood brothers or at least grew up together. owen sees anakin in luke and this is something that would only really be possible if owen knew anakin well as a teenager. this is also the reason why owen doesnt tell luke about the jedi; he thinks that luke will, like his father, run off to become some sort of war hero and die in the process bc thats what he thinks happened to anakin (some ppl think that owen suspects anakin became vader but i think this is a stretch). the prequels establish that they dont know eachother and didnt grow up together. owen doesnt know anakin outside of what he mightve seen in war/ republic propaganda and thats not very indicative of character. this also raises questions about why obiwan gave luke to owen/ why they took him in in the first place. it makes more sense for anakin and owen to have been very close bc then obiwan wouldve heard of owen and would genuinely trust him to raise his best friends son and owen wouldve cared enough about luke to raise him as his own

what we're led to believe in the originals is that anakin was a powerful jedi who lost sight of what he was fighting for. we're led to believe that he was torn, that the war corrupted him, that war isnt the answer. this works bc the originals r meant to be symbolic of the vietnam war (where the empire would be america) and so this idea of the consequences of war and the importance of peace is a huge part of the originals message. while this is somewhat supported by the prequels its undermined by the fact that anakins fall is mostly bc of YEARS of grooming starting from when he was a kid. this wasnt a normal, good man who lost sight of what was right and crumpled under the weight of a war. this was a man who was the most special of them all and fell bc he had space hitler literally whispering in his ear since before he knew he was a person. thats not the same thing at all! and that steals the implication that vader could have been any soldier, any general and makes his story all messy

side note- leia has vague memories of her mother which means padme shouldntve died in childbirth and should probably have died/ left the twins when they were at least a year or two old. this would also give more reason as to why the lars have luke call them aunt and uncle rather than mom or dad. i think what probably shouldve happened is that padme got pregnant right before anakin was shipped out at some point so he didnt know he had kids before "dying" and she ended up getting involvef in the rebellion/ fearing for her kids safety and had to get rid of em. literally anything else than what happened in canon lol like wtf is dying of heartbreak get OUT

my final thought i can think of rn is that having hitlers right hand man be a slave is just kinda a strange backstory? like i cant be the only one who doesnt like that. idk. doesnt feel right :/

obv most this stuff is just preference and obv you can argue against most of it. the prequels Do technically work but theyre not great backstory. im also not a fan of how the jedi order and all that mess was established. like you can only be one if youre raised one since diapers but luke literally didnt know what the force was until he was 19 but he ended up being one of the most powerful jedi ever??? yeah. makes perfect sense. :////

i do agree that the prequels r tragic and beautiful in their own right. i think the story they tell is good in some ways and bad in others ans one of the ways they r bad is how they tie in with the originals lol

hope this answers your question :3c or at least helps you see where im coming from :33

[gor3sigil]

hi i dont really know how to introduce myself, so i hope you dont mind if i skip that part.

i just wanted to ask about that post you made a few days ago. in one of the last paragraphs you mention how hatching is painful. but is it supposed to feel like my entire world is cracking apart around me?

what you mentioned in the beginning of the post, about how the people around you felt about masculinity, that very aptly describes a lot of my fears of reactions to me identifying as masculine, which is what started me crying and ultimately spurred me to message you.

im just so scared

i have lots of trans people in my life, i just dont know how to talk about this with most of them (see: Very Scary :C) ive spent my whole life using femininity to take down peoples walls and help them feel comfortable around me. what the hell am i supposed to do as man? can i even still behave that way? will people even still trust me? will they like me? will they feel safe around me? its unbearable. every time i think about it my brain tries to run away, there's just so much fear.

is this normal at all? to be scared like this? i mean, considering i too struggle with the radical feminist narrative you mentioned? i dont believe the narrative, but i fear it. and then i get insecure and i cant stop thinking the insecurity an indication that manhood is the wrong direction for me.

am i making any sense?

Hi, it must've taken lots of strength to write all this so congrats to you. My answer will be based on my own experiences so take it with a grains of salt. Yeah, your world will definitely shatter too. Because even if you're just socially transitionning, if you do so while being surrounded by trans friends, most of them will change the way they percieve you so your interactions may change. I know that's scary, but you have to trust the process. If they're good friends, they won't like you less or anything. That's the hardest part I think. As you read in my post, coming ot made me lose tons of friends, most of them trans, because they treated me badly after I came out.

And yes, you are making sense. I went through the exact same fears as you. The fear of not being deemed as safe anymore. Unfortunately, I don't really have any solutions to offer you, appart from building your own community, online and/or IRL. Like I said, most of my trans friends were kinda crappy about me being masc and I struggled for years to feel comfortable in my masculinity as a result. Because I did the same as you, me being a "woman" was my way of saying that I understood the struggles of others and was safe. Let me stress one thing. You are still okay, you're not a bad person. Even if you discover new things about yourself, even if you're transmasc, even if you're transitionning (if you do), you are still very much the same person as before, with your understanding of a number of issues, with your own pas experiences.

It's a point I really can't stress enough. As I said in my post, you are still worthy of love, support, tenderness, being understood, being heard, being listened to, being comforted. One thing I noticed is that my previous friend tended to dismiss my feelings and/or be "rough" with me thinking that it was "affirming" because I was a man now. Let me tell you that that's BS and don't let anyone treat you this way.

Maybe try to test the water, idk if you came out already or not but maybe in your presentation or just by talking about transmasc specific issues with them, see how they react. That being said, I really do hope that your friends will be understanding. Or that by explaining to them how their behavior is wrong they will understand and act differently, because sometimes people so shit cause they don't know any better. I hope this helps, and I really wish you all the best. If you ever need to talk feel free to reach out again. Take care.

[bdsmrist]

i know the game goes in detail about joyce’s pearly white teeth, but what about the other character’s teeth?

harry’s teeth would be surprisingly straight, but yellowed from the years of substance abuse. probably has worn down gums, too. still, i think it adds to his character. its like he has a golden smile, in a way. and funnily enough, altho hes been aware of his teeth’s condition throughout the years, that’s never stopped him from smiling. not just because of “the expression” necessarily, but because he loves giving that to ppl. loves letting them know his happiness is directed at them

kim’s teeth would be crowded. especially the bottom row. its unlikely he could afford dental care in his youth with being in the foster care system and all. and he’s probably a little insecure about it. but the few times he flashes you a smile, you can see the how one if his canines pushes the incisor in, and its the most charming thing ever; how his sharp tooth pokes out to say hello. god, i bet he has the warmest smile ever, even warmer than harry’s. it comes sparingly, and he avoids doing it, but when he does, its like god’s gift to you

jean’s teeth seem pretty normal at first glance. u dont get to see em much; he doesnt rly smile that often. nothin to smile abt in this world. however, when he *does* smile, u notice one of his premolars are missing (harry probably noticed it pretty quickly) but if u were to ask him how and why that is, its probably the most anticlimactic thing ever. not “i got my teeth knocked out on a mission once” but rather “i ate shit once middle school and thats that”

im pretty sure it’s canon that ruby has a gap tooth, which is hot and does get her bitches. but i think she just has small teeth in general, with the exception of her two front teeth. like the kind that in retrospect kinda look like shark teeth. its so cool. and also shes a side-smiler, a smirker, if you will. too powerful for this world.

idk man, i feel like teeth are often times an indicator of peoples socio-economical background that isnt talked about enough (hence, joyce’s teeth being something harry notes first hand). but i dont think we’re meant to have “perfect” teeth. teeth have stories, and hold records of our lives. and with how nuanced every single character of the disco-verse is, i dont doubt everyones smile says something unique about them.

[sunwarmed-ash]

Thank you guys 🖤

for taking care of me yesterday, I really am feeling so much better. I've been SINGING all day. I dont remember the last time I feel good enough to sing loudly in my house.

As a treat I'm gonna give you an exclusive, tumblr only, sneak peak to the Eden club sequel 💙 (the title card is a spoiler so if you HAVENT read the eden club yet, be warned, below is spoiler territory)

Title Card WIP

Brothers-First Chapter WIP:

Em & Andrea's

“What the hell just happened?” Hank asks, appearing suddenly Gavin’s flank. Which is fair, Connor’s sudden mass exodus wasn’t exactly subtle. 

“I dont know, he was freaking out and then he ran inside!” Gavin explains, still trying to understand himself.  

“Well, we gotta go check on him!” Hank insists, huge stride already half through the doorway. 

“Just, give him a sec Hank,” Gavin insists, stopping his boyfriend by his arm. 

“What?” 

“You shoulda seen him... He looked… phcking terrified. Somethin’ spooked him.” 

“All the more reason!” Hank huffs, anxiety masking as fury. Gavin doesn't take it personally. He’s just as worried as Hank is. 

But as it turns out, they didn't need to go anywhere. Connor was coming to them, a furious determination on his face. 

“Con, baby?” Hank asks, but Connor’s eyes don’t move from their gaze ahead. In fact other than his feet, nothing else about him changes. He's a walking, stoic statue. 

Connor makes no indication he’s heard Hank’s call and walks out of the party.  and away from his two shouting and concerned partners. 

The Eden Club

The since reattached door to Kamski’s office slams open with the full force of Connor’s anger. 

The human inside doesnt flinch. Instead he stands almost expectantly in front of his desk, arms linked behind his back.  

“Hello Connor.”

“You planned this, all of this. From the start!” 

“Well,” Kamski smirks, “Certainly took you long enough.”

Connor scoffs reflexively, shaking his head. 

“You’ve been using me,” Connor spits, and it’s not a question. “It wasn't Emily who texted me it was you.”

His creator's grin only grows. 

“Yes.” 

“WHY!?” 

“Oh come now Connor, I designed you smarter than this. I practically hand fed you all the clues.” 

Connor doesn't want to admit it, but he knows the answer. Probably knew it the whole time, just didn't want to accept the possibility it could be true. 

“...Gavin.”

“Obviously.”

Connor’s furious enough he’s moments from snapping the shorter man’s neck. If he was sure he could get away with it, he would. 

“But why me? You could have used any of your other androids!” 

Elijah looks at him like he just said Thirium was purple. He gives the android another moment to correct his statement before exhaling a little irritably, 

“Gavin isn’t in love with any of my other androids.”

That snaps Connor’s smart mouth closed. For a few reasons. 

“H-How much have you seen?” Connor asks. 

The smarmy grin that comes over Elijah's face has Connor’s artificial guts squirming. 

“Everything.”

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

(SAMS related)

Hey so maybe this is a stupid question, but I'm curious to hear your opinion....

What do you think they're doing with BloodMoon? On the one hand they're acknowledging how BloodMoons known nothing but hate and being used, which makes me sympathetic and seems to indicate a direction of change/redemption. But on the other hand, its FUCKING BLOODMOON. Hes garnered hate because hes an insane psychopath that has admitted that they enjoy the killing and dont see it as a curse. That's not someone you leave loose or free. It seems that solution is to kill them again, but that also seems like a waste cuz they JUST came back and now have a custom VR model.

I dunno, I'm sorry for rambling, I just want to hear what others think. Cuz to me they're giving us plenty of reasons and tidbits to want a BloodMoon redemption of some sort, but BloodMoon has seemed to make it very clear that they dont want to stop being the bloodthirsty killing machine and have "killed" and/or burned bridges with the individuals who would have TRIED to accept them. So I'm confused on how to feel and what to think....

I don't know honestly.

On one hand, they point out constantly BloodMoon's abandonment issues and him being constantly used as a tool.

While I am disappointed with how KC's death was handled, I do agree that he needed to be fridged by Bloodmoon in this case. (I just wish the circumstances aligned so KC didn't antagonize him for no reason and didn't throw his life away for no reason. And due to his inaction caused many more homeless people to possibly die, and now it seems like he was just feeding the homeless for clout on tinder and not genuinely care about these people.... I honestly find the stupid easy jabs at the homeless in the sams series kinda gross and while it has been toned down I still wish it would stop all together...)

And what I really think will happen, Bloodmoon wants to be fixed... but since his introduction... Bloodmoon (well, the old Bloodmoon, not the Bloodmoon based on Ruin's SAMS wiki lore... cause remember. This is Bloodmoon 2.0 with not all his memories in tact.)

He did seem to lament that he had these bloody cravings.

Yeah. I haven't forgotten this episode. Released on the Day of the actual Blood Moon.

(I kinda miss when they used to talk with their hands to convey which twin was which)

It was the first time we as a fanbase realized that his urge to kill is more of an addiction and he has said as much a few times.

And retrospectively, looking back on this episode, (cus at this point I didn't care about bloodmoon back then. It always takes me a bit to warm up to a new SAMS character) Bloodmoon is exceedingly lonely.

He has himself. But that's all. no one will ever really get him or understand him. And I think there's a great lament with that. Being unable to be understood from anyone outside of your twin or 'other'. Yeah, you have eachother, but no one else.

I'm wondering if Bloodmoon 2.0 has this episode in his memories. As he seems to be determined to rip and tear and kill.

My working theory right now is that Nice Eclipse WILL fix Bloodmoon as he wants..... but he'll also fix his cravings.

The best case scenario is that Bloodmoon will only crave shades of red.... and rare steaks....

or... this might cause complications in the duality of their nature, and maybe one of the twins might get broken, with the other needing to be alone for the first time since they woke up.

I don't know. I really think Nice Eclipse will pull through... and give Bloodmoon everything he wants, and more. Because I don't think Eclipse will readily fix Bloodmoon in his entirety and just let a homicidal maniac run loose and terrorizing everyone.

Bloodmoon was the only person Sun felt guilty about, and even Old Moon felt as if Bloodmoon, given enough time and the right circumstances could change.

We also know that Ruin Eclipse is possessed by the Ruin Virus. So he isn't in his right mind, and can easily be redeemed as well. He just needs that virus out of him.

I'm already seeing a lot of parallels with the Eclipse and Lunar takeover. And How Lunar was developing more as a person and strongly learning Eclipse was bad for him and the side of good.

Meanwhile, Bloodmoon is slowly figuring out that he's been used his whole life and he no longer wants to be a weapon for others. The only way he can prevent himself from being a tool in this way, is to not play the game.

Which I think Nice Eclipse is the key.

[puhpandas]

Tony Becker vs. a Panic Attack

(3,320 words)

Gregory helps Tony with a bully, but has a panic attack in the process. Tony helps him through it as much as hes able. (!!!warnings: a panic attack, a fistfight, implied/referenced past child abuse, pepper spray mention)

Tony had just been trying to get through the school day.

Usually, bullies leave them alone. Tony and Ellis and Gregory. It's not that they're immune, just that they're pretty much invisible. They're more ignored than ridiculed.

But of course, they've had their share of targetting. Enough to recognize which day is gonna be an eventful one, where the bullies decide to pick on them that day for whatever reason.

This is one of those days. Mitch Watterson is one of the more bigger, bulky kids in class. Not much of an airhead, but more just overconfident in himself because he grew up being feared by others.

At least that's what Tony thinks. He likes to do that. To try to understand why some people are the way they are. Its interesting to delve into what events could lead up to the person they are today.

Mitch has been eyeing him all day. First it started with mean stares, then turned into tossing paper balls at his head in class, until it eventually evolved into Mitch throwing taunts at his back.

Tony knew this was coming all day, which is why it isnt suprising when Mitch corners him at his locker, when school is minutes away from being let out for the weekend.

"How many did your dad kill again?" Mitch sneers at him when Tony hadn't reacted the way he wants so far. He'd been targeting basically the one thing Mitch knows about him that's a sore spot; his Dad. So far, it's taken everything in Tony to not spew what he thinks are facts at him, just to defend his Dad.

"Enough to get caught." Mitch grins at him, a glint in his eye that only gets more prominent when Tony finally reacts.

Tony furrows his brows so hard they hurt. He frowns as he says "He didnt kill anybody. It was just a felony--"

"It was just a felony." Mitch interrupts, his voice high in pitch to mock Tony's. "Heh. Why are you defending him, are you like him? You gonna kill me, too? Are you planning my murder right now?"

Tony grits his teeth as he slams his locker door shut, but he stays silent. He knows Mitch doesnt know what hes talking about, just saying things that may be hurtful, even if they dont make any sense. He really wants to hit Mitch right now, but he knows hes pretty average for his size while Mitch is big and beefy. He would be starting a fight he couldnt win.

Mitch doesnt seem to have the same restrictions, though. When Tony doesnt respond, he let's out a mean cackle and begins to step towards Tony menacingly.

"Maybe I should snuff you out before you can begin." He says, a mean smile on his face as he boxes Tony in. "You're the son of a criminal, and apples never fall far from the tree."

Tony knows that isnt what Mitch really cares about, hes just spewing bullcrap to rile up Tony before he beats him up. All Tony can do is back away to keep distance between him and Mitch, and he hisses under his breath when his back hits a wall.

Mitch cackles at the display, and Tony feels panic grip his chest. Mitch has Tony right where he wants him, and if he doesnt do something soon, Mitchs fists are soon gonna start flying.

Tony wracks his brain for a plan, or even just an idea on how to get out of this, and right as he begins to form a short half-hazardous plan, a figure steps in between him and Mitch.

If the blue shirt and spiky hair isnt indication enough, the fact that he can still see Mitch over the figures head definitely is.

Tony feels his heart drop when Gregory stands between him and Mitch, posture straightened and chest puffed out. Tony can only imagine the hatred and disgust twisted on Gregorys face right now, but he has no doubt it's there. It's an expression hes seen on his face multiple times when they witness bullying.

Tony freezes, not knowing what to do. He'd thought Gregory already left for the day. Mitch stops in his tracks too, looking at Gregory almost curiously. Sure, Gregory has a reputation in school for being tough and not someone you should mess with, but picking a fight with the biggest, meanest boy in class?

Tony cant see a scenario where this ends well.

Mitch seems to recover from the initial surprise quickly, and it's not long before an evil grin spreads across his face, and he laughs. "Well, well, well. Look who decided to step in."

Despite Mitch continuing to step forward, almost circling them, Gregory doesnt falter, and all he does is match Mitchs pace with a glint in his eye.

"Decided to help your little boyfriend?" Mitch sneers, a disgusted look on his face. "Cute. But stupid. You're no match for me, you know that, right?"

Gregory shakes his head. "There are things that matter more than brute strength." He says, and latently reaches for a pocket in his bag.

Tony thinks this is one of those times where Gregory says something super deep, that Tony cant get out of his head after he hears it, but Gregory doesnt continue that sentiment with something smart, all he says is,

"Plus, I hate bullies."

It's only then that Tony can see Mitchs eyes flick for just a moment, so fast he almost missed it, but Mitch looking directly at where Gregory was reaching and then back at him is too much to ignore.

Tony's eyes blow wide, and he reaches out. "Gregory, watch ou--!"

Mitch is on Gregory before he can finish. He dives at him, almost snarling as he goes to grab Gregory's arm. Gregory startles, moving his arm away from his pocket to use Mitchs momentum against him.

If theres one thing about Mitch, it's that hes painfully predictable. Before Mitch can grab ahold of Gregory's arm, Gregory thrusts his fist directly into Mitchs gut.

Mitch keels over, stopping in his tracks to hunch over. Kids in the hallway begin to stop and watch, murmuring travelling through the hall. Before Gregory can make another move, Mitch has recovered.

"Nice try," Mitch grits out, standing back up to full height, and Tony feels his breath get caught in his throat when Gregory doesnt move to get away. "but you'll have to do more than that to--"

Before Mitch can finish, Gregory's smashing his shoe into Mitchs knee.

At this point, a crowd has begun to form, and Tony can hear some kids ooooh at the blow.

Mitch folds, left supporting himself on his knee as his other one collapses under himself. He let's out some sort of garbled shriek, and Tony cant help the laugh that bursts out of him.

Gregory uses this opportunity to reach for his pocket again, for what is unknown to Tony, but Mitch notices, and when it processes, his eyes blow wide.

In a way that couldnt be predicted, Mitch somehow recovers prematurely, using newfound sudden strength to get to his feet and lunge at Gregory. Gregory doesnt even have time to try to dodge the attack, and he makes a suprised noise when Mitch grabs his shirt, tossing him against the lockers and keeping him there with a forearm pushed against his chest.

Gregory struggles, but his arms are trapped beneath Mitchs, and he isnt letting up anytime soon. Theres a pinch in Gregory's brow, and Tony is faintly aware of himself leaving the safety of the wall to take a step towards them, worried for Gregory, even though he cant do much to help.

Mitch pants, looking enraged. Gregory squirms under his weight, and he grits his teeth.

Mitchs free arm winds back. A punch is Tony's first guess, but the way hes positioned his hand, its not to punch Gregory, no. That's easy to recognize. For some unknown reason, instead, Mitch is winding his arm to backhand Gregory.

Tony almost freezes at the shock, movement staggering, but he catches a glimpse of Gregory's eyes from behind Mitchs bulky frame.

They're staring at Mitch, no his arm, reared back above Gregorys head and trembling with unfiltered rage.

Gregorys eyes, shockingly, are swimming with pure, unadulterated terror.

Tony has never seen Gregory look this way before. Gregory is looking at Mitch like hes winding up to kill him.

Mitch takes a deep breath, arm shaking with barely held back restraint. "This'll teach you not to mess with me--"

He readies his arm to strike, and Gregory flinches and squeezes his eyes shut, trembling badly. Tony thinks this is one of the moments where Gregory looks like a little kid.

Tony sees this go down from behind Mitch, something ugly gripping his chest and clouding his thoughts.

Without thinking, and with sudden strength not even he knew he had, Tony charges forward, shouldering the side of Mitchs body enough to displace him. Mitch cries out, his shock sending him scrambling for purchase as he looses balance.

Tony doesnt stick around to see Mitch fall, but he assumes it happens if the crowd all roaring in laughter is any indication. He reaches for Gregory, a firm grip on his arm, and he bolts.

Nobody follows them. In fact, the halls are completely empty, everyone having gathered for the fight or left the school. Tony pants as he sprints, eyes scanning for a place to hide.

He slows in front of the bathroom, skidding inside and dragging Gregory with him.

Tony releases Gregory, hunching over to support himself with his hands on his knees as he catches his breath, his heart hammering.

Adrenaline is still coursing through him, and he feels himself tremble, even after his refills his lungs and his legs stop burning from the sprint.

He takes one moment to listen, and see if any footsteps are racing down the hallway, ready to chase them down, but he hears nothing.

Tony begins to relax, but unlike himself, Gregory hasnt caught his breath yet. In fact, it sounds like Gregory cant breathe at all.

Panic grips at Tonys chest again when he whirls around, and sees Gregory leaning against the wall, knees wobbling and hand clutching at his heart, breaths short and fast.

Tony freezes, not knowing what's wrong. He hovers, taking a hesitant step towards Gregory. "...Greg? Are you--"

Tony doesnt get to finish. Gregory suddenly chokes on air, knees giving in as he slides down the tiled wall onto the disgusting school bathroom floor. He scrambles backwards, as if somethings attacking him. And so unlike what Tony's seen from Gregory, he pulls his knees up to his chest, hiding his face in them.

Tony stands there like an idiot, unsure of what to do. He fights himself to move, because Gregory cant breathe and hes obviously freaking out for some reason.

Hesitantly, Tony crouches down in front of Gregory, pausing for only a moment as he wracks his brain on what to do before settling a hand on Gregory's knee.

"Gregory!" He tries to get his attention. "Hey, Greg, are you okay?"

Tony's hand reels back when Gregory startles away from him like he burned him. He flinches so violently at Tony, that he almost feels hurt.

No. Tony shakes the idea away. Its not his fault. Dont get that into your head.

Tony thinks this is one of those attacks. Where something triggers it and you feel like you're gonna die. He cant remember the name right now, but he thinks that's what's happening.

Despite knowing what it is, Tony has absolutely zero clue how to help.

Tony makes a humming noise, bouncing anxiously as his hands hover, completely useless.

Gregory chokes again, making the most upsetting noises Tony's ever heard. Gregory flinches again, even though Tony didnt touch him.

Tony doesnt know what to do. He doesnt know how to help. You can't look for clues, here. You cant piece together a picture. Theres nothing about this he can latch onto to decipher, to figure out a way to help that wont upset Gregory further.

But Gregory is panicking, and he cant breathe, and even though Tony is scared and doesnt know what to do, he cant leave Gregory to just sit there and hyperventilate without at least trying.

So he takes a deep breath, steeling himself, and Tony schooches closer to Gregory this time not touching him. "Gregory? Hey, Greg. It's me. Tony."

No response, but Tony doesnt give up. "Um. It's your friend. I'm not Mitch, or, uh, anybody like that. I don't want to hurt you. Can you look at me, please? Can you even hear me?"

Tony perks up when Gregory peeks through his knees, slightly raising his head. Tony can tell that Gregory cant really see him, even though hes looking at him, but Tony smiles anyway.

"Hey." He says to Gregory, trying to keep his voice soft. "Um. You're okay, Greg. Were just in the bathroom, so were not nearby any bullies, or adults. It's just us here, okay?" Then he whispers. "If this is even helping?"

When Gregory reacts again, it's his trembling calming a bit and his head raising slightly.

Tony is really good at recognizing change in behavior. It's what a good investigator does if he wants answers from somebody. Gotta know if they're lying, or if they perk up if they know something. So when Gregory's eyes dart towards him ever so slightly, he notices, and grins.

"Greg." He says, relieved when Gregory isnt about to hyperventilate himself into unconsciousness anymore. Hes not completely okay yet, but it's better than before. Tony reaches out, but after a moments consideration, retracts his hand, just settling on setting it in his lap. "Hey, are you seeing me now?"

Gregory's eyes widen ever so slightly. "T--" he tries, but his voice wavers so much he coughs a bit. Tony leans forward a bit, worried, but Gregory catches his breath, if not normal breathing, then hard and fast but still functional. "H-Hey."

Tony jumps at the fact that Gregory can respond to him now. He leans forward, brows furrowed and hands hovering. "Um. I need you to tell me how to help you, okay? Can you do that? I'm, uh, kinda lost here."

Gregory's breath stutters, and he squeezes his eyes shut, but he manages, "Distraction. Fuh-- Five senses."

"Five senses." Tony repeats, now determined. "Okay. Okay! Uh..." He trails off, glancing around the room. "Okay... first. Greg, whats five things you see?"

It takes some visible effort, but Gregory peels his eyes open, a bead of sweat near his hairline and brows pinched. "U-Um... You, and... the sinks."

Tony nods. "Okay. Okay keep going."

"The... the stalls." Gregory huffs out, his breathing no longer short and fast but gasping and deep. "Um... the tile, the window, an--and my knees."

Tony nods, sagging in relief at somehow helping Gregory calm down, even with his previous cluelessness, Gregory gave him a hint now, and that's all hes got. "Okay! Now four things you hear."

"...My breathing." He chuckles without humor, almost self-deprecating, but stops when it takes too much of his breath. "Um..." He takes a deep breath. "Your voice. The pipes in the wall. The birds outside."

"Three things you can feel." Tony tells him, and this time, sets a hand on his knee, gentle as can be.

Gregory doesn't flinch, thankfully, but he does take a moment to answer, loosening his tightly wound body and taking deep, several seconds long breaths. "...Kay. Your hand." He trails off, shutting his eyes. "...The gross floor, and the nasty wall."

Tony breaths out a tiny half laugh at that, and smiles knowing if Gregory's saying things like that, hes probably feeling at least a little better. "Two things you can smell."

Gregory wrinkles his nose, opening his eyes and giving him a look. "...Dont make me do that in here."

Tony laughs for real this time, and grins when Gregory is able to smile again. "Okay, sure. As long as you're okay now."

Gregory winces when he tries to move his shaky arms to sit himself up. Tony reaches forward, relieved that Gregory's no longer curled up in a ball, flinching away from Tony when he tries to help. He helps Gregory sit up, and Gregory sends him a grateful smile. "Thanks."

Theres a few moments of silence, just Gregory letting himself relax even more and getting his breathing under control. Tony glances at him, questions eating away at him. When the silence continues to stretch Tony fidgets, and the question leaves his mouth without his permission when curiosity overwhelms his sense of thinking before he speaks. "What happened? Why did you react that way when Mitch..."

He catches himself at the last second, but it's not enough. Gregory flinches at the reminder, and he averts his eyes when he gets clammy again, looking uncomfortable.

Tony frowns, scolding himself. Stupid. He thinks. He should be able to push down his curiosity just for a second to help his friends, instead of only caring about getting answers. "Sorry... I, uh..."

"Its fine." Gregory says quickly, and he gets that rigid look on his face Tony recognizes as being deep in thought, mulling something over in his head thats unknown to Tony. He takes a breath. "I... when he was gonna slap me, it just... um... reminded me of stuff that's happened to me in the past, a little. That's all."

Tony's eyes widen ever so slightly when he understands, and he curses internally, feeling guilt curl in his stomach. He never should have asked. "Oh."

Gregory looks away, almost ashamed. "Yeah." He mutters. "Sorry that you had to, uh, see that."

Tony shakes his head immediately. "Its fine, Greg." He insists, leaning forward so Gregory will look at him. "I'll never judge you for stuff like that."

Gregory just stares at him, lips parted, but then he sighs. "Okay. Thanks, Tony."

Tony smiles, then when silence stretches across the bathroom, he decides to change the subject.

"So," Tony starts. "what were you gonna take out of your bag that scared Mitch so bad?" He asks.

Despite himself, a small smirk appears on Gregory's face. "Pepper spray." He says. "I've used it on him before. He cried like a baby."

Tony snorts at the thought of Mitch, the guy who claims to be the toughest kid in school, wallowing on the floor because Gregory sprayed something in his eyes. "So that's what you meant by things other than brute strength."

"Strength means nothing if they cant even touch you." Gregory grins, enough for Tony to see his permanently missing front tooth. "Especially if they have pepper spray in their eyes. It hurts pretty bad. See?"

Suddenly, a tube of pepper spray is thrusted towards Tonys eyes, and embarrassingly, he makes a dumb little yelp and shields his eyes with his hands.

Gregory cackles at the display, and Tony removes his forearms from his face, giving him a dirty look. "Why'd you put that in my face? What if it had sprayed me!?"

Gregory wipes a tear from his eye. "To scare you." He laughs. "And it worked."

Tony shakes his head, but despite himself, he also has a smile on his face. He didnt even see Gregory reach for it, let alone take it out of his backpack.

"I need to get home soon." Tony says after a moment of laughing together, thinking of his Mom. They've probably been here for a long time even after School let out.

"Can I come over?" Gregory asks quickly, like ripping off a bandaid. When Tony looks at him, Gregory averts his eyes.

"Of course." Tony says. He wouldn't want to be alone after that, and even if Gregory could, Tonys happy to keep him company.

ao3 link

[darkbluekies]

☁️ i dont request much cause i dont wanna be too annoying but since nobody requests for jerry... 🤓

what happens if she comes home and encounters several men attempting to kidnap her darling?

In a maze of horror

Female!mafia!yandere OC x reader

Jerry brings you on a mission and lets her possessiveness get the best of her which results in enemies trying to take you away from her.

Warnings: a lot of violence, blinding someone, slitting throat, blood, obsession, nudity (not nsfw) drugs + weed, one suggestive indication

Word count: 3k

I paired it with this ask⬇️

Jerry has brought you with her on a mission. She can't take more of your whining about being bored. Your emotions are like a ticking time bomb. Thankfully, this mission isn't dangerous. You're currently in the front seat of a car on a countryside road, going to a farm. On the outside, it looks like a normal farm industry, but hidden underneath those chicken eggs are drugs people can only imagine. It's Jerry's boss who's sent her out here to do the business. Jerry is the only one he trusts since she's his right hand man. Her boss doesn't mind you as long as you're not in the way. Jerry has told her boss that if he ever touches a hair on your head, she's killing him and taking the role of the boss herself. It had made him back off.

"Jerry", you say.

"Yes?" Jerry asks from the driver's seat.

"Will there be real animals there?"

"Why wouldn't there be?"

"If it's just a cover up for drug business … maybe there aren't real animals."

"Maybe you can cuddle a goat while I do the business."

You smile slightly. Your heart is beating loudly in your chest. The entire idea of having to join in on one of Jerry's missions terrifies you. Things can go wrong and then you're in the front line. And what will you do if the cops come? You haven't actually done anything wrong, but they'll not care. You're involved. That's enough.

"I want to go back", you say with a thin voice. "Can't we turn around?"

"Were almost there", Jerry sighs. "It's taken us one hour to get here, I'm not turning the car around."

The panic builds in your chest and you start to hit the seat. Jerry captures your hand in hers.

"Stop that", she demands sternly. 

"I don't want to go!" you shout. "I changed my mind! Jerry, please-"

"You whined about coming with me, you can’t change your mind now. What are you so afraid of?"

"Everything. What happens if that man on the farm decides to kill us?"

"He won't. He needs the money and if he kills us he won't get it. Don't be scared."

Jerry's not unfamiliar to your mood swings. You get easily caught up in your own feelings and they double when you're stressed.

She pulls over to the side of the road and grabs a painful hold of your hand.

"Baby, look at me", she says. 

When you do, you are met by her dark eyes.

"Your sensitivity will be the death of you if you don't control it", she tells you. "Hold it in and everything will be fine. As soon as we get home I'll take care of you."

"Do you promise?"

"No, Y/N, I'm just joking." She rolls her eyes. "Of course I promise!"

You wipe your tears.

"I'm sorry", you whisper. 

You know that Jerry can't stand your emotional outbursts. They annoy her.

"Baby, you should be lucky I love you", Jerry sighs heavily and starts to drive again. "Otherwise I'd gotten rid of you a long time ago."

"I can stay in the car if you're afraid of me embarrassing you."

Jerry glares at you. "No fucking way, you're going to stay by my side. I'm going to handcuff your hand to mine if you continue to talk like that."

"I don't want to ruin anything for you … I know how important this is for you …"

"Oh, Y/N, shut the fuck up already!"

You flinch at her loud voice.

"I'd rather have you weeping like a fucking baby clinging onto my shoulder than have you out of my sight!" Jerry continues. "You shouldn't care about ruining anything for me because in the end, I'm the one that controls the situation. I'll always fix what you mess up because you're mine to care for. I'll always take the blame for the shit you do, so stop worrying about it. All you need to know is that you should stay by my side. Got it?"

You nod quickly.

Jerry drives into the farm's parking lot. She nods at you to get out. She grabs your hand as quickly as she reaches you.

"Now just be quiet and do as I say", Jerry tells you. "If you start to cry again, hide behind me."

You nod. Jerry pulls you with her to a big building made of blurry plastic — most likely a garden.

"Sean, you imbecile, where are you?" Jerry shouts.

A man looking higher as a kite sticks his head up between the rows of plants.

"Come on, Sean, did you have to smoke before we came?" Jerry groans.

"It's not my fault that you scare the living crap out of me, Jerry", the man spits back. “I had to do something to relax.”

"I will not only scare the crap out of you if stop fucking around. Hurry up! I don't have all day."

"Fine, fine." The man walks over to her, giving you a look. "Who's that?"

"No one you need to care about. Just give me what I want and then go back to filling your empty head with weed."

The man named Sean rolls his eyes and gestures for the two of you to follow him. Jerry gives you a firm look when you tug at her leather jacket. You sigh and look down at the ground. 

You walk into the chicken house. The sight of the birds causes your heart to swell. Oh how pretty they are. They look so nice. You reach out your hand to touch one that comes walking over to you. 

“Don’t fucking touch it!” the man shouts with a raspy voice. 

You flinch heavily and back away with wide, terrified eyes. Jerry gives you a quick look over her shoulder before she steps in front of you and picks up her gun, directing it towards the high man. You hide behind your human shield. 

“Don’t you dare shout at my baby”, Jerry growls with a warning, steady voice that sends shivers down your spine. She speaks through gritted teeth. “Get down on your knees and apologize. Now.”

The man trembles as he pathetically sinks down on his knees. You peek out from behind Jerry to see him glaring at you while mumbling out an apology.

“Pathetic little shit”, Jerry scoffs at Sean. “My baby wanted to touch a hen, why the fuck would you care, huh? You only use them to hide your filthy business.” She turns her head to you. “Pick up a hen, Y/N.”

You shake your head. 

“Pick up a goddamn hen”, Jerry orders. 

Your shaking hands pick up one of the birds and hold it against your chest. 

“Good girl/boy”, Jerry praises you before turning back to the man with a harsher voice. “See? The world didn’t end. Now give me what I came for before I blow your head up.”

The man collects the small bags of drugs for Jerry as she holds the gun towards him. You cuddle the hen while Jerry does her business. It gives you comfort. The small, living thing in your hands reassures you somehow. It’s little, warm body feels comforting in your arms. 

“Let’s go, Y/N”, Jerry says. “I’m done.”

You sigh as you put down the hen on the floor. Jerry grabs your arm and pulls you out.  

"Go wait in the car, I'll be there soon", Jerry says and pushes you towards the car. "Don't try to run."

"What are you going to do?" you ask.

"I didn't like how he looked at you. I won't be able to feel at ease unless I take care of him."

"Are you going to … to kill him?"

"No. I'm going to make sure he won't be able to see anyone again."

You beg her to reconsider and not do it, but she's already made up her mind. You run over and hug her to prevent her. Tears run down your cheeks and Jerry sighs heavily. She pushes you off of her and you can tell that your emotions once again have annoyed her.

"Car, now", she orders you sternly. "Don't make me fucking repeat myself."

You listen to her this time. You might turn blind too if you're not careful. With a singing feeling in your stomach you drag yourself to the car while Jerry returns to the chicken house. You hide your face and cover your ears to block out the screams of Sean. They echo through the countryside, over acres and fields. 

Jerry returns ten minutes later with bloody hands. You refuse to look at her. Tears run down your cheeks and Jerry does nothing to try to wipe them. 

"There's snacks for you in the hand compartment", she says simply and starts the engine.

Your shaking hands reach out to the handle in front of you, finding a pack of gummy bears. Silently, you start chewing the candy which tastes salty thanks to your tears.

A few days pass by. You’ve managed to heal from the mess at the farm and Jerry has gone back to being herself. Not too mad, not too nice. You’re no longer allowed to come with her on the missions and you’re unsure that you’d want to. She leaves during the day and comes back late at night. Everything seems to be normal. Or that's what you think.

You’re at home watching TV like any other day. You’ve been binge watching ‘Family Guy’ for the last week and are just about to start season seventeen when a ‘click’ grabs your attention. Confused, you turn the volume down and eventually turn it off.

“Jerry, is that you?” you ask over your shoulder. “Why are you back so early?”

The light turns off. You freeze in your position, carefully hugging yourself.

“Sorry, darling, but we aren’t your mistress.”

You flinch at the strange voice and turn around fully to see three men entering the living room armed with knives. 

“Who the fuck are you?!” you gasp, pressing yourself closer to the couch when they’re moving closer, eventually grabbing your arm. “Don’t touch me!”

“Now be a good girl/boy and stay still.”

The knives glisten in the light. You start to kick and hit, doing everything that Jerry has taught you. She’s known that you’ve had to defend yourself sooner or later. She’s brought you to gyms to train you up, but seeing you drenched in sweat with hair sticking to your forehead turns the fight into another wrestling match that doesn’t teach you anything but how her body works. 

You’re using all of your techniques, combining them into one murderous performance. But they’re not enough for three armed muscular men. They’re getting in hit after hit and swings their knives around. 

Jerry notices that something’s wrong the second she gets off her motorcycle. She finds the front doors off its hinges and the light switched off. She reaches for the knives strapped to her legs. 

A scream catches her attention. Your scream.

"Y/N?" Jerry asks quickly, looking around. "Y/N, where are you?"

"Jerry, help!" you shout. “Help me!”

The panicked tone in your voice is enough for Jerry to be filled with new adrenaline. She follows the sound of thumping and thus, finding you in the living room. Surrounded by three men. You're bruised and blood drips from your nose and lips. Jerry takes a better grip on her knives, feeling how her vision turns red.

"Get the fuck away from them", she says warningly. 

One of the men grabs you and pulls you up against his chest, a knife positioned over your throat. Your eyes glow in fear.

"You blinded our dealer and ruined our chance to get our drugs that we paid dear for", he says. "It's not more than right for us to take something from you. To make up for it. An eye for an eye, to say. If you excuse the pun."

The man above you gives a bloody grin, but Jerry doesn't move a muscle. 

"You're not taking Y/N anywhere", she says in a dark tone you've had the pleasure of never hearing until now. "And if you're so stupid to think that you can take them from me, then I'll make sure you understand."

The following moments are brutal. Jerry throws one knife at the man who’s holding you captive, hitting him in the leg. He drops you and you fall forward. The other two try their best to get you, but Jerry throws one knife into his neck and kicks the other between his legs. She’s quick to grab your arm and throws you behind her. You fall down on the floor by the force and you’re too tired to hold yourself up. She still has two knives left strapped to her leg. With one, she slits the man she kicked in the throat and the other she plunges right into the heart of the man who had held you. With trembling hands, she turns around to look at you with wide eyes. You’re both covered in blood, both bruised and full of adrenaline. You could never have thought that you’d be this similar to Jerry. She embraces you tightly and for once shows her rare emotions. She kisses your forehead and hides your face into her shaking, bloody shoulder with her trembling hands.

"Fucking hell ... oh my ... come, Y/N, let's leave." She pulls you up on your feet. "We can't stay here, they've found out where I live. I'm sorry, I honestly thought you were safe here. I'm so fucking stupid. Come, baby doll, it'll be okay. You can walk, I'm sure. Don't be scared, they're dead."

“I’m so fucking scared, Jerry …”, you whisper.

She runs her shaking hand through your hair. “I know, baby. Don’t be. I’ll always protect you, okay? You don’t have to worry. Come on now, we have to leave before someone notices what’s happened.”

She drags you out to her motorcycle as she fishes up her phone, calling her boss. 

“Boss, I’m in so much shit!” she hisses as he picks up. “So much fucking shit.”

“What have you done?” her boss asks. 

“I might have blinded Sean because he was disrespecting Y/N and his customers found out. They found where I live, boss! They tried to fucking kidnap Y/N! I killed them, but I’m worried there will come more soon.”

“Come to the headquarters. We’ll figure this out.”

“Get a room ready for Y/N. They need to rest.”

“Fine.”

Jerry hangs up and turns to you. You’ve sitten down on the asphalt and started to cry. Normally, she would shout at you for being so wimpish, like last time … but this time she can’t blame you. 

“Baby …”, she sighs heavily and lifts you up on your feet. “Come here. You’ll get to sleep soon. They’ll fix a room for you at the headquarters where you’ll get to rest. Jump up on my motorcycle.”

And you do. She forces you to hug her from behind as she drives all the way to the headquarters. You rest your cheek on her shoulder. 

The second she stops, you jump off, already sick to your stomach. Jerry drags you into the headquarters — a building underground. She tells you to keep your eyes shut to avoid seeing something you shouldn’t. She leads you by the arm through dimly lit corridors until she reaches her boss’ office. You open your eyes and look at the man. 

“Jerry!” he breathes out and stands up from behind his desk. “You look like shit!”

He’s about to turn his eyes to you, but Jerry covers you with her body.

“I feel like shit”, she mutters and pushes you forward. “They need a room. And to wash themselves.”

“The showers and a guest room are ready for them. We need to talk about this and see how much shit you’ve put me in.”

“Got it, boss. Let me just get myself cleaned up before I lose my fucking mind. It’s cold.”

She doesn’t wait for a response. You get dragged to a bathroom where Jerry starts to strip. 

“Take off those clothes”, Jerry says over her shoulder. “We’ll burn them.”

You remove your clothes with shaking hands, not wanting to see what your body looks like. Jerry pulls you into a shower and turns on the water. She lets you sit down on the tiled floor with your back against the wall. Jerry washes you before she washes herself. Her actions are soft and gentle, a contrast to her normal personality. She must have gotten really scared tonight. She's stuck in a maze of horror and all she wants is to keep you out of it. She wants to find the exit, but it's always moving, trapping her deeper.

“You’re only mine, you know that, right?” she whispers in your ear. 

“Yeah”, you whisper. 

“And you know that I’ll never let anyone take you from me, right?”

“Yeah …”

Jerry gives your wet lips a deep kiss. She holds you in her arms, running her hand over your back to sooth you. She whispers possessive nothings into your ear, about how you’re hers, only hers, that no one will take you away from her. And somewhere in your manipulated mind, you calm down. 

When you’ve dried yourself and put on a bathrobe, you’re led to a bedroom. Jerry tells you to go to sleep as she’s going to go talk with her boss. 

“Please don’t leave”, you whisper. “I’m scared.”

“There’s nothing to be scared of”, Jerry says. “The door will be locked and I will be the only one with the key. I’ll be back later after my boss kicks my ass. I can tell that he’s not happy. But I don’t regret a damn thing. Sleep well, baby doll.”

With that said, she gives you a slight smirk before closing the door after her. She locks the door and feels the handle twice to make sure you’re going to be safe. After, she braces herself for a scolding so long that it’ll burn into her mind. But Jerry stands by her decision to have blinded Sean. He was looking at something that belonged to her. No one does that. 

[uriekukistan]

trying to sleep but my brain is “dear mello” ing like??? i have so many thoughts about this

first thought is what was near going to write like??? no way he just wrote dear mello and called a day i feel like he was going to write something unless dear is a pet name like “my dear mello” or something which raises its own questions

then when mello sees it hes like “grr he knew i was coming he wanted the upper hand imma kick your ass near” instead of realizing that near clearly cares about him i dont know thats so typical mello tho

im constantly thinking about the fact that mello very obviously meant a lot to near and may have even been who near considered to be his closest friend but mello spent the whole time resenting near due to the forced competition at wammy’s house and probably thinking it was mutual…yet there’s still signs that this may not be all that mello thinks about near, because also i saw someone say that in this scene it’s the Singular Time where mello doesn’t have his finger On The Trigger of his gun which indicates that he was ready and willing to shoot literally everyone else but had no intention of shooting near.

also his last actions kinda…idk if it was intentionally helping near but definitely he inadvertently saved nears life because without abducting takada gevanni never would have known to replace the real death note with a fake death note and near would have died. i know he did not know enough for that to be on purpose, but i think he did intend to help near in some way

idk i could talk about their relationship for hours i have actually been writing about it for the past few days because i am insane

[alicentsgf]

ok so fans who hate alicent LOVE to say shit like "book alicent was beefing with a child lol" totally unironically. and it just confuses me. like Bro... all f&b tells us is she Stopped Being Nice to rhaenyra after aegon was born (when viserys showed no sign of naming him heir). because, reportedly, she was originally kind to rhaenyra. apparently kind enough for at least one or two people to note a sudden change in demeanor.

and like im sorry. is it that crazy that when alicent began to understand rhaenyra and her own son were going to be pitted against each other in the future she chose aegon and distanced herself from rhaenyra? she wasnt "beefing with a child" like i feel thats so clearly just a little joke someone made thats been taken at face value and regurgitated. because its not true. or at least f&b gives us no indication of it - we're never told about her acting maliciously toward a young rhaenyra. in fact i dont think we're given much indication they really interacted at all. and anyway, wouldnt it have been worse for her to continue to keep rhaenyra close ? so she could try and manipulate her?? people make book alicent into this great seductress and manipulator and theres basically no textual evidence to support it. if anything i feel like alicent distancing herself shows she very possibly DID genuinely care about rhaenyra once, perhaps enough to worry her attachment might undermine her cause to prioritise aegon in some way. and this is only further supported by rhaenyra's decision to spare alicents life later when the rest of the greens became dragon snacks.

then theres the fact book alicent was the one who asked viserys to betroth aegon to rhaenyra. why would she do that? a woman from a house with such close ties to the faith no less. she asked when aegon was 6 and she must have known by that point viserys was likely never going to name aegon heir - imo she was exhausting options to try and protect her children. no matter what choices aegon made he had every chance of becoming a symbol others would use, forcing rhaenyra to make an example of him to maintain control. marrying them to each other would do a lot to avoid that eventuality. it was both a smart political match and what Targaryen tradition demanded. viserys was convinced alicent was only acting out of ambition which is why he rebuffed her, but we're repeatedly shown viserys is kind of an idiot. especially politically.

theres this Obsession with the idea alicents characterisation was changed so dramatically for the show. 'i wish they'd made her like book alicent' they did...? they made her a victim who is scared and anxious and bitter. theres nothing to suggest that wasnt who book alicent was. everything we know of her is filtered through layers of bias - her story told by men who dont give a shit what she felt or desired. and what? you dont like it because you wanted her to be some one dimensional villian? because doubling down of f&bs oft misogynistic, cardboard cutout representation of her would have been So great. like please, i get that so much of f&b can be interpreted a whole bunch of ways but 'alicent the evil step mother' is the most basic, boring interpretation. it shows no depth of thought at all. theres at least a few clues in there as to who she Actually might have been, if you bother to look.

its just insane to me honestly. you read that book and thought she was pure evil? this woman who doted on her daughter and grandchildren so completely that her grandson's murderers knew to find them in her rooms. this woman who spent her last moments embracing death, pining for her dead children and speaking fondly of the old man she used read to as a girl. its really not that hard to percieve book alicent as a trapped and embittered woman desperately scared for the lives of her children. seriously. where is the critical thought? the empathy?? im so tired.

[trauma-express]

I feel “male power fantasy”, as opposed to any gender “power fantasy” is slim. That said whilst I’m sure there was extreme black and white binaries in Esmoroth, nothing we see of it, both from the show & deleted scenes, indicates it was a male power fantasy from someone whom has experienced several male power fantasy works. I can expand on that difference if you want?

As I said on the post, 'but its 2024 so if people dont know or like my stance on Simon by now idk what youre doing here' like i dont know why people feel obligated to quibble with me on my own interpretations on my own blog.

But let's discuss this in good faith. Agreed, we don't know enough about the stories and their content to make an actual judgement. but again I bring up subtext.

Like i whole 'rightful king returns' trope usually involves someone getting power and respect that they deserve due to something innate about them like their lineage. (I mentioned Tolkien as a better example, Aragorn has the lineage but also earns his role by respecting and valuing others).

When we actually see the book Rise of the True King it's after his takeover of the Apex. It seems pretty clearly intended as a message to Grace that he's in power now. He also later claims that Grace owes him "everything"

Also another thing I did not mention is that Grace and Simon both assumed Amelia as the Conductor was a man, bc Grace only had a brief encounter and she filtered her voice. However, after meeting her and realizing she is the Conductor, Simon still has trouble believing it. When he tries rewriting Grace's memory of it, he still tries to imagine the Conductor as a large, powerful figure that he addresses as male, saying "I never thought I'd get to see the Conductor with my own eyes. He's perfect. Everything finally makes sense again."

While this could be read as him trying to back to their old beliefs, again there is also subtext of him denying what both Grace and Amelia say, saying Grace was being brainwashed and insisting the powerful figure they had built up was a man.

Look, like I said last ask, it is very hard for me to read Simon's character of lashing out at mainly women, feeling entitled to Grace's loyalty (which she was, she just started caring for Hazel too), and refusing to examine his violent and prejudiced worldview without seeing some latent sexism. But yeah again, my own blog, my own thoughts, and let's leave it at that.