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lux-et-astra · 3 months

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analysis of what each sink scene represents - session five

once again thank you tash for the reams of analysis material!!!! spoilers (obviously) under the cut

for reference, i'm calling fire/dry girl/narrator kate, and her victim/best friend birdie

all that jazz: a first reading of this scene would suggest that it's similar to scenes like beany hag and sonic the hog, where we're shown birdie's relationships degrading because of her lingering trauma over kate and the camping trip incident with amy representing birdie and simon representing her partner. however is this the only explanation? i argue no. amy seems utterly pre-occupied with the dangers of the shower (wet)!! this seems far more like something kate would say than birdie ("Until the shower runs – dry, and you’ve drunk it all, and, and you’re dead!") however later on we get a more classic kate phrase from simon ("I’m all dry.", "Dry. For the fire.") i'll be honest, as fun as this scene is, it's pretty impenetrable analysis wise! we get a little more to work with with some of amy's fears ("Some monster is not on the way to get me.", "No, it’s not about the birds…", "She’s a perfectly normal girl, alright? You just – have to just leave it. You have to just leave it. Some monster is not coming to get me.", "Oh, Simon… please, please don’t… take him away… Simon!") the emphasis on her being a perfectly normal girl feels more like a description of kate and a defence against relations who think kate is toxic - making simon birdie in this instance!! it's hard!! i don't know what's going on!! i' think maybe i'm putting a pin in this scene. ALL THAT JAZZ WILL RETURN.

snakes and ladders: finally, a scene that makes sense. this is pretty neat cause it feels very close to what actually happened!! as we get closer to the culmination of everything in session six i think we're getting closer to the truth. anyway this scene is very much kate&birdie being genuine friends and then a little bit of outside perspective! we can see how much they're in sync and how they seem slightly strange to an external observer ("Sorry, I’m – I’m still quite confused about all the snakes?" "Same!", "W– we love climbing. We love how high we’re going." "We love being up high!" "Yay!", "Fucking hell.") i think this is really valuable to show that kate and birdie were very much on the same wavelength! they seem so young here ("But fly, sort of.") and we can very much see that they're humans! we get no mention of dry/wet/fire in this scene, it's focusing less on kate's problems and more on how their friendship actually seems a little sweet. their closeness does seem to have some exclusionary effects - they're not listening at all to their other friend, in fact he tries to share something personal which gets completely overlooked ("Whenever I was, upset, or like, sad, my grandad would help me – [...] Won’t tell you that then.") so we can see that as in-tune with each other as they are, this leads to cutting off the rest of the world - it may seem to them that all they need is each other, a sentiment which they definitely seem to be embodying here, but we the audience know what that leads to. there's a little bit of dramatic irony here - if birdie had spread her social net a little wider, spent more time listening to other people, the camping trip incident might not have happened. but we can see that their refusal to play snakes and ladders in favour of birdman ("So you – you – you start outside. Right?", "We’re all birds though, right?") echoes kate especially's refusal to "play along" with society as it stands and to play her own game. in addition i think this is the first time we see birdman as a game!! it gives an explanation not only to all the birdman scenes but also the scarecrow scenes! the explanation kate gives ("When the scarecrow finds you, it scares you. And the last bird is scared so much, his bird eyes turn hot, and into little buttons, and then the last bird becomes the scarecrow. And then you start again.") is representative of the entire point of the podcast! birdie is about to be scared so much that kate wants to turn her into the scarecrow - and start again. in a sense the emphasis on "and then you start again" represents kate's desire for her relationship with birdie to be neverending - she wants them to keep finding each other and starting again, a cycle with very sisyphean feelings. the other interesting thing about this scene i think is kate and birdie's attempt to seem much more mature than they are ("Okay. Is it like, is it a commentary?") which actually shows how young they actually are. obviously it's neither a commentary on snakes nor ladders, but we can see how much they want to present themselves as adult and mature - old enough to run away from home. i think that image of themselves as adults ties into the feeling of not needing anyone other than each other, but we can very much see the folly in both those ideas. this is a little bit of a bittersweet scene! the girls feel about the right age for the camping trip, so it feels chronologically like it's very close to everything going wrong. this is one of the last moments we have of kate and birdie before the camping trip - and we can still see a little of that youthful innocence! and their other friend! it's sad to see what could have been, knowing what comes after.

birdman 4: the extra bit we get here is "One by one, it never stopped.", "It’s coming now! There’s nothing we can do, it’s a monster, Jim! It’s a monster, it’s coming to get us!". this feels very reminiscent of all that jazz (painfully for me) given lines like "Some monster is not coming to get me." which... i don't know what that means because as i have mentioned, all that jazz is impenetrable to me. rip. anyway this bit is very interesting! the use of "it" instead of "he" distinguishes the thing coming for them from the birdman, which had come to "warn" them. despite the fact that kate is playing the part of the birdman/scarecrow, i think there's an important distinction to be made between the birdman for john & jim, which is the birdman of birdie's dreams, a reminder that she needs to be watchful, and the birdman kate is playing, a real-life figure who is genuinely coming for birdie. obviously not using "she" delays the realisation until session six but also using "it" very much dehumanises kate - implying she has lost her humanity and become nothing more than the scarecrow she was pretending to be. the key thing from this scene is "it never stopped", i think - kate never stopped! she's still out there! birdie's dreams are doing a great job trying to warn her - the game of birdman isn't finished. it's still going. kate's still playing. ooh and i've just noticed!! "Jim, did a Birdman come to your school?" - this has been clearly juxtaposing the birdman with school this whole time! it's very much a schoolyard game and they've been suggesting that this whole time! wow i'm a silly billy for not noticing that immediately. the birdman is in the realm of children, not adults. i'll even call back a bit from birdman 1 - "Yeah, at the time, even the teachers –" here, they're suggesting it was odd that no one noticed that the birdman wasn't a man at all. i have a two-fold realisation here! on one hand - no one noticed that kate was going off the deep end. boring analysis. on the other - the birdman wasn't a man. he was a BIRD!! he wasn't a scarecrow!!!! he really hadn't come to scare you - the birdman isn't the scary thing! he's a reminder of the scary thing! ugh natasha hodgson your mind. you can't be scared of dreams, can you. the birdman is poor birdie trying to warn herself but she's just not remembering.

sherbet: the story of how kate and birdie met <33 honestly aside from the real laser gun action i have no trouble believing that this is entirely accurate to how kate and birdie met. it makes sense that birdie is getting closer to remembering the truth and this is a formative moment quite literally ("And right now, with – with her looking right at you, is the last moment you’ll, sort of, be alive. Because it – it was all a different life, after that. You were a different person now.") there's so much in this but i feel like for the most part it speaks for itself? like ("She was in the back, and she had to lean over the middle bit, and open the other side of the car. Just for you. Just for you. And so, when you see her, for the first time, she’s leaning over to open the door, and you look at each other, and you just think… oh no.") you get it you get the themes. if i were writing an essay on any of the scenes from the sink it would probably be this one if it couldn't be like. the whole of session six. like kate is crossing the gap to be closer to birdie literally closing the distance. which is what she's doing right now. closing the distance. ("You were a different person now.") she's not birdie anymore she's half of kate&birdie. that's genuinely how it feels in relationships like that, that you're not whole without the other person. even after you're separate again not a day goes by without you thinking of them. so yeah tash pulled it out of the bag with this one. ("You walk over with your see-through dolphin bag with three dolphins on, bumping on your leg. And she’s got a chewy stick from a sherbet fountain in her mouth, so her mouth is all foamy, like a beach.") i like how realistic this is. like we get all the details!! really hammers home how much birdie was her own person before she became kate's friend and before she was haunted by the memory of kate. also something something violent destruction - chewy stick in her mouth means gnawing down on it & we see immediately that act of violence in the innocuous facade of a child. anyway. ("And this is the last moment you’ll be… alive. Because, the rest of your life is, is just – playing it back. And back. Over and over, watching the yellow sherbet foam, and her leaning over the middle, and hearing the seatbelt click.") hits home when you think about how much birdie has forgotten, has tried to forget - and yet she's still playing it back over and over. every dream she has is playing it back. ("And most of the time, you’re you. When you’re doing it, over and over, in your head. And sometimes you’re her. Just to wonder – what she was thinking. Always. Always, you’re wondering that, and sometimes you’re the sherbet, being in her mouth. Lovely, wet, yellow. With her chin like sand.") this is most key as context for the whole of the sink. most of the time you're you and sometimes you're her and sometimes you're the sherbet. most of the time the scenes are birdie and sometimes they're kate and sometimes they're the birdman. INTERESTING that the sherbet in her mouth is WET. suggests that she's so so early on!! this is before she's all dry!! she's still a baby!! and then after the imagery of birdie imagining being in kate's mouth we get the somewhat violent penetrative image ("With her hand, like, just… just putting it in your body.") which is slightly creepy and represents the intrusion of kate firmly into birdie's life. this is imagery that gets picked up on later in session six and like. right now because they're children it's a little creepy but it's harmless enough. but when they're older it's more... like. putting something in your body. the ultimate intimacy.

hope you enjoyed - sorry about all that jazz but i do not have the brainpower to parse what's going on there!!! let me know if you have any thoughts (especially if you can shed some light on all that jazz lol) or if you just want to chat about the sink!!!

#the sink #the sink: a sleep aid #natasha hodgson #the sink analysis #not a transcript!

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vilgramcrimeandpunishment · 5 months

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Akari’s first Voice Drama (Outrageous Wonderland)

E: *footesteps echo* *opens door* Akari K—

A: 🎵 Tis ordained, thou shall follow thine destiny. ’Tis ordained, thou shall discard vulgarity 🎵

E: !!!!

A: Ah! Hi hi, warden-san!!! I’m all ready to chit chat, so please let’s talk!! Pretty please, pretty plea—

E: W-Where did you learn that song?

A: Hm? Oh! You caught me singing? How embarrassing! Well, Mama said I was always a good singer, so not like I should be ashamed, but what do you think warden-san? Opinons are subjec—

E: Where! Did. You. Learn. That. Song?

A: !!! I-I….I just…well….I dreamt it….I thought it was all like “Cool! Jazz hands! Wowzers! So pretty and cute!” so I was humming what I remembered. I figured maybe I could incorporate it into a musical when I get home to—

E: You….dreamt the song? What the hell are you talking about?

A: Umm…..was it wrong to?

E: Not exactly….just surprised that you know it…..

A: Oh? Was it unpopular? Or maybe something a bit ‘your time’? By the way, if you don’t mind Akari asking, how old are you warden-san?

E: Me? I’m 15….I think…

A: FIFTEEN?! You could’ve fooled Akari! Teehee! We’re almost the same age then, what fun! I know we’ll get along great! We’re gonna be the best of friends! We can hold hands and be all “Power! Friendship! Wowwie! Sparkle!”—

E: Akari…..how old are you?

A: I’m 17!

E:……..it’s ringing bells…..

A: Hm?

E: The child musical theater star….the acting and singing prodigy….the double threat in the theater industry….you’re Akari Kamizaki, the musical theater actress that reached fame at only 12 years old…

A: Oh…..*blushes* Y-You….you noticed?

E: Surprised no one else had. Considering you are one of the more extroverted prisoners

A: Hehe, don’t mean to brag but I can be preeettyyyy sneaky~

E: With a murder underneath your belt, I bet you can

A: *sharp sigh* Yeahhhh….about that….

E: Hm?

A:…..I’m…..super duper sorry…..

E:…….I don’t think you’ve noticed, but taking someone’s life isn’t something you can apologize for, Akari Kamizaki

A: I-It’s not just that! I…..Akari never meant to be responsible for her life! She really liked her too!

E: You liked the person you killed?

A: Wellll….not like ‘love love’ where we were all like ‘Kissy! Romance! Cuddles! And sparkle sparkle magically fairytale date!’. Love like…Akari and her were good friends

E: So you killed one of your friends to make it worse?

A:………Yes….

E: Acting all shy now once I mention your murder? Not so cheery now, huh?

A: But Akari just wants to feel happy so everyone around her can feel happy!

E: Even though you were acting meek at the mention of your murder, you still didn’t wipe that smile off your face

A: Cause Akari wants everyone to be happy is all! If Akari smiles, everyone will smile! Mama said my smile is contagious!

E: Don’t use that childlike dribble on me

A: Warden-san, you didn’t smile though….

E: I’ll be sure you walk back to your cell with that smile turned upside down

A: Ouchie! What harsh words, warden-san!!!

E: I can tell this will be a difficult interrogation with that childlike mind of yours

A: Hey! Akari-chan is 17!

E: Seventeen, not five years old

A: My audience ranged from all ages cause Akari played many different roles for many years. Thinking my audience was only cute little kids? Warden-san has a funny way of thinking, eheheh!!!

E: Shut it! Can I ask my questions?

A: About me??? Oooooo, it’s gonna be like an interview! Only not cameras and paparazzi! It feels more like friends talking, which is what eases Akari’s mind!

E: We’re not friends, Akari Kamizaki

A: Well of course cause friends have to get to know each other! Akari will start! Akari is from Shibuya City, her blood type is A, her star sign is Gemini, her favorite food is taiyaki—

E: H-Hey! Shut it for a second!

A: Hm?

E: I’m already going crazy….I haven’t asked a single question I prepared for you. Stop being annoying and muddying the waters with your nonsense

A: Oopies! Akari is sorry, warden-san! Ask away!

E: Thank god…..*clears throat* How is life in Vilgram?

A: At first it was weird, but then I thought it was SO COOL! Like all SPARKLE! BLAM! PEW PEW!—

E: Describe your life without onomatopeias, please….

A: Hmmm…..I love it! I like everyone here, so yayyy!!! Friends! And maybe we can put on the greatest shows together too! Well….ya know, if they can even figure out who I am, teehee! But I can just deflect the questions if they think I look familiar! Ya know, not a lot of people noticed, except for mayyyybeeee Mai??? But I never got into detail and—

E: Okay, shut it

A: Hm?

E: I’m going to ask the next questions. This time, get to the point

A: Okie Dokie!

E: Do you need any rations?

A: Hmm….I want….a pony! And a kitty! And birthday cake! Even though it’s not my birthday, but I still want some cake! I do prefer ice cream cake, but I like the flavors strawberry and vanilla too! But the buttercream would be white chocolate! I love—

E: What part of get to the point do you not get, girl?

A: Oh? Sorry! I rambled, didn’t I? Akari is sorry. She got excited talking to a potential friend

E: Once again, we aren’t friends. I am your prison guard and you are a prisoner

A: So????

E: We’re practically strangers

A: Well think of it this way! Strangers are just friends you haven’t met <3

E: Naive way of thinking

A: More like positivity! Is what Mama tells me!

E: Hate to break it to you, but your Mama lied

A:………

E: This is a prison for murderers. You included. You being a prisoner in VILGRAM is enough evidence for me to believe that your actions lead to someone’s death

A: Umm….

E: And to act all cheery and positive like this? This isn’t even like Kasumi that reeked of phony optimism, nor Mai who just seemed to be a carefree person

A: What….

E: And to say that your mother put all that nonsense into your head? Smiles are contagious and be friendly with strangers? What a nonsensical thing to say. Did she even brainwash you into thinking that applies for a jail?

A: *sharp sighs*

E: Not even three questions into this interrogation and I can already tell your mother takes over your life and even ideals. I almost feel sorry for you

A: No, that’s wrong!

E: !!!

A: Mama loves Akari! She’s the reason why I am the person now! Mama loves me! She’s always right! P-Please….you’re just jumping to conclusions based off of like…two things that have no context behind them!

E: It really hasn’t crossed your mind that maybe your mother is just using you?

A: W-Why would you say that?!

E: Shut it! Or do I gotta smack you?

A: You’re being mean, warden-san!

E: Sure am. If you’re done with your little temper tantrum, let me continue

A: But—

E: Akari, calm down. Has it ever occurred to you that your mother is just wrong?

A:…..But….Mama is never—

E: Even adults can make mistakes, Akari Kamizaki

A:…..Akari is super duper sorry if she made you mad, warden-san…..she’s very protective of mama…..

E: That’s alright. I’m just relieved you calmed down

A:….Does warden-san have any parents?

E:……………eh?

A: You say even adults makes mistakes. And…including parents, right? Does warden-san know this from experience?

E:……….

A: *gasps* Is warden-san’s parents super duper bad?! Akari is sorry! I know! When this blows oversee can take you back to Mama and—

E: *groans*

A: Warden? You’re holding your head! And….you look like you’re in pain!

E: *heavy breathing*

A: Warden….are you okay?

E: Don’t touch me! *slaps her arm away*

A: Ack! S-Sorry! Akari is sorry

*Jackalope comes in* *the rabbit tells Es something before hopping off* *Es calms down shortly*

E: My apologies

A: Are you secretly Snow White?!

E: What the fuc—

A: You were talking to a bunny! You can talk to animals?! *gasps in awe* YOU’RE A DISNEY PRINCESS!

E:…….I sometimes wonder what the hell goes on through your head…..

A: Akari always thinks about what theater musicals she can perform next time!

E: I can tell

A: Anyways, what were you saying about Mama? Warden doesn’t have to say anything about their own family if it makes them frustrated. But I doubt Mama said anything bad to Akari

E: Well, I don’t want you to go into another screaming fit, so I’ll leave my opinon at that for now. But I’ll look at your memories soon enough

A: Mama….

(Bells chime, machines whirling)

A: Oh! It’s time the song thingy majig, right?

E: The extraction process, yes. Which brings me back to the beginning of the interrogation

A: Hm?

E: That song….I mean….I’d expect you to know….his song from your numbers and cells corresponding, but that song isn’t his….

A: What are you talking about, warden-san? You mean that super duper sparkle bam pop song that Akari was humming?

E: Yeah, but…..say…..did you happen to step into prisoner number 8’s cell recently?

A: Hehe…..

E: What’s with the laughter

A: Umm….Akari may havveee…surprised Hika-chan

E: Hika-chan….I’m guessing that is prisoner number 8, Hikari….Wait, what do you mean ‘surprised’ him?

A: As in….she threw a surprise slumber party for her and him!

E: Surprise slumber p—Did you….you broke into his cell?!

A: Not exaacccttlllyy~ Wellll….Hikari-chan is always cooped up in his cell! Akari wanted to surprise either him or Dai-chan, since they’re the too most closed off friends in Vilgram. Dai-chan is kinda scary, so I settled for Hika-chan

E: His cell was unlocked?

A: He told Akari he didn’t bother to lock his cell. So it was easy to invite myself in and sleep with him!

E: You shared the bed?

A: Akari didn’t want be a bad guest, so she took the floor!

E: And…this er….’slumber party’ was the night before?

A: Yep!

E:….I see….

A: Warden-san? Do you wanna have a slumber party with Akari?

E: You have so many screws loose….

A: Akari isn’t a toolbox

E: Akari Kamizaki, prisoner number 5, sing your sins!

#milgram #milgram fan project #vilgram #vilgram: crime and punishment #milgram oc #ocgram #akari kamizaki

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iguessyouwonderwhereivebeen · 9 months

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not to sound like a pathetic loser but I wish I had someone to get a glass of wine w tonight lol my bf is sick w an ear infection and my other friend has rescheduled on me two days in a row cus she had the stomach flu and still feels out of it, and not that I necessarily need to drink wine but I took a week off of work and feel like I haven’t been taking advantage of it enough. And generally I feel like I spend too much time in my apartment which is one of my New Year’s resolutions to stop doing as much, and also stop smoking weed at least for a month and see if that makes me want to go out more and be more social. And it’s not like I haven’t been doing anything with my time off, I have been able to do some organizing around my place, working out during the day, light shopping, cleaning, reading, sleeping, and all in a stress free way that’s felt really good mentally. And I did go out on Wednesday to dinner at a fun old school Italian place and then jazz bar show after which is something I wouldn’t normally do with work the next morning. So it’s been a good, restful, way to end the year. And I am getting dinner with my sister tomorrow then meeting up with friends after, but I want to manifest more fulfilling connections and friendships in the new year cus I feel like at times I’m lacking like a group or a social circle I can reach out to when I do want to go out last minute. Tonight may be the universe just telling me to take care of my shit and appreciate the good and look inward a little more the last few hours of 2023.. some more internal work to stir up some magic in the new year.. so I’m probably going to do that and if someone reaches out to me to get a glass of wine in a couple hours that would be nice too

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basicallyjaywalker · 1 month

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Does any of your Ninja ocs have elements?

What season are they introduced?

What are their relationships like with the ninja?

Good evening anon! Happy to answer :DD Putting it under the cut bc these tend to get. long

Most of my main OCs have elements! There are three (Willow, Jonathan, and Kyle, though the latter changes as of DR) who don't but otherwise we have

Nataly, Master of Love

Roxie, Master of Peace

Jasmine, Master of Nature (not related to Bolobo)

Jackie, Master of Magic

Hannah, Master of Music

Luna, Master of Dreams

Ivy, Master of Wind

And Master Twyla, Master of Light! (Not related to Paleman)

Their introductions are scattered throughout the seasons, but the basic breakdown is

S2: Jackie is introduced as a member of Garmadon's Stone Warrior Army who's a human. At the end of that season, she's pulled out of the rubble of a building and goes to study with Garmadon

S3: Jasmine is semi-introduced as a background character at Borg Industries, though she's not plot relevant yet. Jonathan is introduced as Borg's son but also isn't super plot relevant yet, he has his own adventure which is technically where we meet Willow

S4: Roxie, Nataly, Hannah, and Kyle are all introducing on the boat ride to Chen's, as well as Jackie and Jasmine. Roxie knows Cole from Marty Oppenheimer's, Lloyd and Garmadon recognize Jackie (who between S3 and S4 started studying under Master Twyla, a former friend of Garmadon's, as well), and everyone kind of recognizes Jasmine as someone from Borg Industries. At the end of the season, Twyla joins the EMs in the Corridor of Elders to fight. Prior to this she's only been mentioned by her students and a little by Garmadon

S5: Ivy is introduced when the ninja go to Ronin's pawn shop! She's Ronin's partner in crime and while she's there she and Nya form a strong bond too (daughters of Wojira my beloved)

No one is introduced in S6 or S7 really

S8: Luna is introduced by Harumi during Garmadon's resurrection. After it's presumed failure, she's taken to go stay with the Ninja

Another skip

S15: putting Willow here too bc this is when she's introduced to the Ninja at large during the fight with the Overlord 3.0. until now she's been chilling in the woods with occasional visits from Jonathan

Ofc having all of the relationships would be a bit messy but her are the basic breakdowns:

Nataly: she and Kai have a pretty close bond, partially forged on annoying the shit out of each other. Similarly, she and Lloyd bond a lot over complicated family situations (Nataly is Pythors's daughter, if that tells you anything) and also an innate sense of whimsy. Her related w the other ninja is pretty good! Aside from various pranks she's pulled on them

Roxie: she and Cole are really close and used to be best friends at Marty Oppenheimer's! I've made a post about their friendship before and if I can find it later I'll link it. She's also really close w Nya and I personally believe they have 3am conversations about femininity and womanhood that look like that one painting of Aristotle and the other guy. Gender studies minors after an exhaustive study sesh type jazz

Jasmine: uh. Complicated. She gets along great w Nya and Jay for a while due to a shared love of mechanics and inventing but she develops some more complicated feelings that lead to her shooting those relationships in the foot. She also discovers in S8 that she's Julien's daughter and thus Zane's sister but there is a veil of family drama over that entire thing, so that relationship barely manifests and becomes tense even after Zane finds out. She and Pixal get along amazing though. There's been no time to ruin that.

Jackie: she's probably the second closest to most of the ninja, but particularly Kai, Nya, and Lloyd. She and Kai are kinda like siblings. Often if a situation is full of Some Bullshit, they'll exchange a glance before diving in. They're like a pair in a buddy cop movie. Her and Nya are training together and I think would get along well by virtue of being insane tryhards. Her and Lloyd are really close after S4 and are the partners in crime to her and Kai's buddy cop movie. She develops a crush on him around the Oni Trilogy, but doesn't act on it because well. Oni Trilogy events. He starts reciprocating around the post-S11 pre-S12 era but they don't do anything about it til undetermined time (probably sometime pre-Seabound or post-Crystallized, they are definitely officially a couple as of Dragons Rising).

Hannah: Keeps to herself and her team but she and Cole get along pretty well. They share an appreciation for music, though she's a performer and Cole's not, so they mostly talk about artists they enjoy and he might help her hash them of her own work out. They're chill friends. She has this semi-antagonistic, semi-they just like to talk shit with each other, relationship with Kai. She's very tempermental and likes to call out his antics. Kai thinks it's kinda funny when she's mad about dumb shit so he purposefully pushes her buttons. It's like rats play wrestling. She and Kai and Skylor are in a triad (she's in a romantic relationship w Kai and a QPR with Skylor, Skylor and Kai are also in a romantic relationship) post-Crystallized. I would go into her relationship w/ Skylor bc there's a lot of backstory there, but this post is long enough as is.

Kyle: Mostly hangs around Jay and Cole. Third wheeling. He referees their Face2Fist matches to make sure no one is cheating. They're like... bros is the best way I can describe it. He and Kai are also pretty amicable on account of both getting the Older Brother Special Edition experience (orphans) and Kai hangs around Chen's, where Kyle works bc he and Skylor are actually besties

Luna: Her and Jay are nerding out over comics something fierce. I think she and him would host Jackbox nights for the team to boost morale too. She and Lloyd have a semi-tense relationship at first bc of the circumstances of their reunion but post-S10 they have a very "one is doing something very impulsive and stupid and the other is egging them on" sibling relationship. She would get him back into comics and also they'd do pinball tournaments at arcades that aren't about winning just about beating each other

Ivy: is kind of peripheral, but she and Nya get really close during S5 and stay in contact. They sit on the edge of a creek and skip stones while talking about random shit. Ivy brings her scrap for projects and Nya has to side eye her like "did you steal this" and Ivy never gives her a straight answer. I think she and Cole would get along too, funnily enough. They're just similar enough in their defiant rebellion that I think they could hold a respect for each other that manifests in sitting in the same room, quietly, working on projects and occasionally helping each other out. Ivy and Lloyd have a bond over bitching about Morro.

Jonathan: he and cole are vibing in a room together except Jonathan has no idea how to talk to him and so is nervously making small talk. Cole thinks he's neat and likes to hear him ramble about the various mechanical projects he's working on. They'd also bond about their dads. Jonathan feels like he has to live up to the Borg name and make his father proud (he already has, but anxiety's a bitch) and Cole gets that. He and Pixal are also practically siblings and are tight as hell. Between S7 and S8 he was def helping her w her Samurai X stuff.

Willow: she actually doesn't have relationships with the ninja! As said she's kind of a peripheral character who only interacts with Jonathan and her characterization and story rests within that bubble. If I were to let her out I think she and Wu actually would get along the best, which is a cop out, but there's something about feeling like the fate of the world is upon your shoulders and one wrong step will cause everything to come crashing that makes a silent shared cup of tea the most meaningful interaction you might ever have

Master Twyla: she's closer to Misako and Wu by virtue of those being her friends and comrades before, but I think she views the ninja as like. peripheral students. she's not their teacher and doesn't act like it but those are her kids in the same way the others are yk? She would see their parents in them but also feels a sense of pride at their own strengths and is happy to be someone they can talk to. I think she'd have a particular soft spot for Lloyd because she was closer to the Spin Bros and Misako so in another life that's her godchild

Thank you again for your question! I am so sorry this is so long! But this absolutely made my day to answer!

#any excuse to yap about my ocs is a good one #ninjago ocs #nataly chumsworth #roxie andrews #jasmine julien #jackie fei #hannah stone #kyle stone #luna garmadon #ivy #master twyla #willow #jonathan borg

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batpham-discord-highlights · 2 years

Text

Jazz Drake: Part Two of Four

Source: #ghosts-and-bats

1, 2, 3, 4

The drawing I put in art

Source: @anikuja

It's of A’s jazz as Tim little sister idea

And I just made up the thing about Danny being reincarnated as Duke’s little brother bc meta gene and also dukes powers are wild asf

So like, they meet again xd

ooo tru

makes me think her being danny's mom friend this time LOL them same grade ish

Yeah they're in the same grade but a couple of months apart maybe?

Jazz is taller than him and is totally the mom friend

Jazz is so relived bc trying to older sister her other brother (Tim) does not work and he never listens 🥴

but this other child yes =w= works great even if he doesn’t listen either sometimes he's more inclined to

Yeah bc Jazz's advice has saved his ass

Duke and Tim are just kinda side eyeing this friendship

Bc this is genuinely such a sibling like bond and it's really weird yet wholesome at the same time

@A any other hcs about jazz? I'll need to read up more on duke before I say anything about Danny's relationship, but I think a reunion would be amazing

Yes!

Drake!Jazz wants to be a doctor and starts early

She sometimes acts older and more mature than Tim

Lecturing him on his coffee intake

She's used to being an older sister absolutely

Protesting that going out at night is a bad idea and is going to get him hurt

And he doesn't listen u-u

Which is why she decides to be a doctor

If her big brother is going to be stupid, she's going to need to patch him up

Danny doesn’t listen either but at least he was her little brother xd

She had a form of authority over him

Not to mean Tim doesn't trust her at all but like... Disconnect between lives

she knows about robin?

I think it would be hard for her not to know xs

I'll get there 😉

Other times she acts more like the little sister she is

She allows herself to be more immature and unsure of herself at times

She can be wrong sometimes now

She can get hugs from her big brother

Yeah bc her parents neglect and the drake's long business trips are different

One is not life threating xd

Tim is slightly more responsible

But it's not enough to stop him from being Robin

Jazz doesn't realize what happened at first

She knows he's getting closer to fights since he's coming back more injured

But it's not until she finds his Robin gear that did realizes the entirety of the situation

She's inconsolable and won't talk to him for a week

I don't imagine jazz becoming a vigilante, but what would she do afterwards?

Well, once she gets over the fact that another of her brothers has chosen this life

And after she gets over the fact that he broke his promise to her that he would do his best to stay safe

(promise made when she first found out he was going on the streets at risk of her telling their parents)

Because becoming a vigilante to keep another vigilante in line is not staying safe

She knows she can't stop him though

And she would never risk Batman like that

Because telling her parents that Tim is Robin would lead them to Batman's identity and that would be all kinds of bad

She convinces Tim to take her to meet Batman at risk of her never speaking to him again

And he knows she'd do it

i like where this is going

#ghosts and bats channel #batman #danny phantom #tim drake #jazz fenton #robin

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daddy-suguru · 2 years

Note

Hi hello I got 🦋s when I noticed you followed me back. Literally any and every time a writer I 💗 follows me back I’m like: 😳🤯😭😇😌😍☺️ (does that series of emojis even make sense? 😆). Tyvm for sharing your beautiful, sharp, ravishing, playful imagination w/ us here on Tumblr! P.S. “just a little drunk off you” was your fanfic that got me HOOKED (line, and sinker) on your writing. 😵‍💫 What a masterpiece of plot, porn, AND ~healthy poly (bc c’mon, Suguru and Satoru are just a *tad* toxic 🥲 lmao 😉). “How about I ask your pussy?”; how nonchalantly Satoru just invites himself in 😂; the subtle intimacy of Reader asking Suguru and Satoru to kiss 🥺; DOUBLE PENETRATION 😮‍💨; and “You can't help but laugh as you think that this is what your close friendship with both men was leading up to this whole time,” like yesyesyes fate and destiny and all that jazz !!!!! ANYwho! Hope your week’s going alright thus far. 💝

I keep reading this over! And doing little hand flapping happy stimming because of this! 🥰🥰😋💖☺️ your line of emoji’s makes perfect sense. I feel like that whenever someone follows me or likes several things on my account because they means you liked my writing enough to poke around.

Sometimes I feel like my writing is a bit bland and boring, which I’ve said before. But at the same time I keep telling myself that’s just baseless doubts of myself. Which you are proving right telling my imagination is playfully beautiful and sharp. Which Im going to reread this post when I start to doubt myself.

Now onto the fic, when I writing just a little drunk on you. I was thinking of a world where Suguru didn’t go off the deep end, Au idea, everyone gets therapy.

I feel like the best set up for a poly ship where you become their friend and Suguru being the direct one and not being scared of commitment would date you in a heartbeat. Then Satoru has realizes that he has huge feelings for Suguru which he expected. But you that’s as a harder pill to swallow. Satoru would be a bit toxic in showing that he is jealous towards you since your with Suguru.

Suguru would that down since he would be able to read Satoru well. And he can see that Satoru is just feeling left out. He also knows you see the white haired man as more than a friend which is why upsets you that Satoru doesn’t like you. I can see Suguru trying to gas light you out of believing Satoru hates you.

Satoru after a while figures out that you think he really hates you. So he fails it back, he accepts that he is hopelessly in love with Suguru and You. And that soon enough the two of you will be married while he goes from partner to partner trying to find within what he sees in his two best friends.

I’m going to stop here because I don’t know where I’m going with this I’m just rambling about satosugu which I’ve been sadly neglecting in favor of other things on my blog. Those two together are one of my favorite ships with my other favorite being Eremika. And I love to imagine a world where both ships get to be happy together and if I just so happy to slip a third member in there because happy non jealous poly ships that everyone makes sure they get proper attention is just uggggh 😫😫

I adore how you broke down my fic and told me just about it that you love. When people point out certain parts about my writing they like I always get so excited I feel like imma explode in a ball of happiness.

There is no one in this world that could tell me that Satoru wouldn’t talk to your pussy. He hears it getting loud and sloppy for Suguru and Him so he just has to. Even if this means a personification of your pussy as he attaches she every one in a while. Satoru would mainly want to talk to you and your pussy when you haven’t said the safe word but your crying that you can’t cum. “Do you hear your sweet pussy? She is just begging for more.”

Also reader who encourages Suguru and Satoru to love on each other because she could tell that Satoru has feelings for Suguru. And Suguru would have already confessed that while you will have a place in his heart Satoru would too. And you can’t get jealous, by the way they kiss each other it’s clear they were meant to. And so you want them to make up for lost time. But at the same time they can’t ignore their favorite princess who is their happy audience. The two would make out near you trying to get you to join in on the fun as they loudly moan into each other’s mouth.

Satoru and You would have to trade off being the center of attention. This would also give reader a chance to be a little more dominate. And you would give Satoru more chances to be dominate which with Suguru mainly taking that dom role for yourself it leaves Satoru and You as subs a lot for him. Suguru would love seeing his two favorite subs working together for his praise.

Oh yeah Satoru just helping himself. If he walks in unless you tell him to leave if he likes what he is seeing then he will test to see if he could join. And Suguru and You look too beautiful making love to each other.

Say that I was to make a part two to just a little drunk on you. I could see Suguru wanting Satoru and You to fool around in front of him but he would make both of you edge yourself until he joins. Because this poly ship would have huge voyurisum kink with Satoru and Suguru, and have you seen these two? You would pay to watch them.

Also the best way for the poly ship to fuck and all feel each other would be double penetration. Since Suguru and Satoru would be fucking themselves into you while rubbing their cocks together.

Also I’m a sucker for fate which is why I kind of want to do a soulmate au for satosug x reader. In which they are the missing part to completing their soulmate mark. Say it’s like a tattoo and you and when you met your soulmate you get a full picture instead of just half. Well with Suguru and Satoru they have only ever had the outside birds until they meet you and their tattoos fill in fully meaning you are meant to join their relationship.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! For this wonderful comment you made my whole day! 🥰🥰🥰🥳🥳🥳

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gloster · 4 years

Text

FAVORITE FANFICS OF 2020

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

I know I speak for all when I say....I cannot wait to toss 2020 out the door the way Uncle Phil constantly did with Jazz. One of the things that got me through this rough year, besides family & friends & BTS, were fanfics.

It’s that time of year again where I make a list of all the fanfics that I absolutely adored. Some are by veteran favs of mine, others are new to me who just knocked it out of the park. If you’re interested in past lists, here is 2019′s list and 2018′s. If y’all are interested in doing your own fanfic favs of the year, please do so and tag me. Always on the hunt for new favs.

So without furhter ado, my fav fanfics of 2020:

1). Another Word for Forever series by stardropdream (sheith)

Summary: Shiro knows better than to expect love in an arranged marriage. This is all for the sake of universal peace, after all, and solidifying a Terran-Galran alliance. At the very least, Shiro can hope to make a friend out of this. Becoming friends would be much easier, though, if he and his husband could actually communicate.

With a language barrier and a mountain of cultural differences between them, getting to know Keith proves to be a challenge. Luckily, Shiro's always worked well with challenges.

2020 shockingly became the year of sheith. I ended up rewatching the show w/my bestie @littlenightdragon. Diving more deeply into it w/my other bestie @kila09. She and I spent the better half of this year devouring so many fanfics of them in various AUs. I came across new fanfic authors, and stardropdream is among them.

If I could describe this series & stardropdream, I’ll take a cue from Lady Gaga: “ talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference, put it in a blender, shit on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it”

This series was just PERFECTION. I’ve gotten into arranged-marriage AUs and this has been one of the best I’ve read. It was just perfection. The language barrier definitely added an extra charm to it, in which Shiro finds his own ways to get to know his husband better: both creative and funny ways. So many cute moments, so many funny moments with Hunk being the translating middle man between them, and the smut. THE SMUT. THE SMUT. THE SMUT. Just *chef’s kiss* Incredible. It was just so so sweet, and such a comfort read. I reread this series 5 times already and hope Robin (the writer) does more stories in this AU.

Please read this series. You’re not gonna regret it. It will MELT your heart.

Honorable Mentions:

If I Called You Mine

Sail Across the Sky Just to Get to You

Finding Shelter (The Alien Baby Remix)

Say You Do(n’t)

2). The Golden Hour by @goldentruth813 (sheith)

Summary: After a space mission failure, Shiro loses his arm and his career. Two years later he's settled into a quiet and simple new life on his farm, but when a beautiful alien crashes in his field, he discovers the answers to his questions—and possibly the keys to his future—will come from the stars.

I’m sure no one, least of all Janel the writer herself, is surprised to see this author featured on this list. For now the 3rd year in a row. WOOOW 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿 She is the reason I got into shieth, and she just continues to put out amazing conent with them. This story by far has been the best she’s done this year-possibly one of the best ever.

We have Shiro trying to have a simple life at the farm with his dog and animals. A curious BOM Keith who shakes things up with his boldness/innocence-and questions bound to test blood pressure, especially Shiro’s. Loads of cute moments, loads of funny moments, and also loads of oreos.

If summary and my thoughts don’t sell you, only one thing will: reading it for yourself.

Honorable mentions:

Two Hearts in Bloom

Mountain Men

Home is in Your Heart

3). Spun like Gold by Neyasochi (sheith)

Summary: Though Shiro is currently operating his fledgling bakery business out of a decrepit food truck he got for cheap in a repossession sale, he dreams of something more: a cozy bakery and cafe on a tree-lined street somewhere, filled with the smell of fresh coffee and sugar glaze instead of diesel. A little money could go a long way to helping him get off the ground-- and luckily, Keith has money to burn.

Or: Keith takes care of Shiro’s financial woes, in exchange for a little sugar.

OMG, OMG, OMG was this story so sweet. Neyasochi already sold me with the baking/baker Shiro trope, but went a step further throwing in sugar-daddy Keith who knows his way around his manic family and cars, but when it comes to asking a cute guy out? What better way to make an impression than becoming his best paying customer?

Honorable mentions:

oh, devour me

Healing Touch

on your hand of gold

4). The Destiny You Sold by @tryslora (drarry)

Summary: In which Draco knits, Harry makes wands, and things get very tangled up between them.

If there’s one thing I love about fanfics is how they introduce you to tropes you never would consider before. Draco and knitting was a combo I didn’t realize how much I needed until now. And I love the fact knitting played a big part of the accidental bonding. Also loved the fact everyone in their friend group shipped them like crazy. Highly, highly recommend

5) What’s My Age Again? by @lazywonderlvnd (drarry)

Summary: Harry Potter has had enough of pleasing the public, and his reckless tendencies are finally getting out of hand.

The Quidditch World Cup is only a week away; as Captain of the English National Team, Hermione has assured him that his immaturity won’t be tolerated by the Ministry.

And then Malfoy shows up.

(Inspired by the blink-182 song of the same name.)

It’s no secret that I’m such a fangirl of @lazywonderlvnd. Any drarry story I read, I always love. Last year, I ADORED The Changing Lights, which was one of my favorites last year, and her updating/finishing the story was a massive highlight for me. I thank ya for that.

This story was honestly refreshing. I’ve grown so used to Harry being responsible, always doing what’s right, that seeing a story where Harry pretty much has his middle finger in the air to “good reputation”, “being responsible,” because as he brought up: “I’m 25. I’ve been fighting all my life. I’ve earned my life to have fun.”

Okay, granted, it wasn’t quite like that but it was along those lines. And I agree. After all he went through, Harry deserves to have fun. He deserves to be reckless and make stupid decisions.

Also, it was such a blast reading a story where Harry is the brat & Draco has to keep him in line. LOVED.

Honorable mentions:

Inside Your Mind

Aletheia

6). Chocolate and Pastry by agentmoppet, anemonen (drarry)

Summary: When Pansy bets Draco that there is no chance he and Harry could carry out a genuine romantic relationship, he and Harry form a plan. But as their fake relationship progresses, Draco sees a side of Harry he never expected. Harry is struggling with something, pushing it far down inside him where he doesn't have to acknowledge its existence. Draco starts to worry, and then he starts to care, and then... horribly... he starts to fall in love.

Do not let the title fool you like it did me. Title alone, I was thinking it was going to be a fun, fluffy story involving baking, maybe chocolate crafting. However....it was not that at all. It was more. A lot deeper. A lot more angsty. It explored mental health, PTSD and the dangers of loved ones ignoring the signs, and contained an important message:

You can’t love someone out of their illness/disease/ addiction. Which is true and this story showed that.

7). i’m still here by owedbetter (zutara)

Summary: "You see me."

And somehow, that makes all the difference.

If there’s one of the few good things 2020 has brought, it was Netflix bringing back ATLA to their library. Which in turn ignited my love for zutara & had me drag @kila09 into that ship.

This story was just incredible. The way it was written, it really felt like it could have been canon. Deleted scenes that a certain creator didn’t want us to see. The way Zuko and Katara came together, starting from their peaceful friendship after the Southern Raiders episode up, becoming closer along the way.

I dare y’all to read this and not think OMG...is this secret canon bonus material? I definitely plan to read more by owedbetter.

8). all the what ifs i never said by rosegardenlake (sheith)

Summary: Keith is nine when he first notices Shiro. Shiro is gentle and quiet, always keeping to himself. Keith is rough and loud, running wherever his feet will take him, screaming on the top of his lungs into the wind. But despite that, they're a constant throughout each other's lives...if only that could be enough. As they grow, Keith just wants them both to be happy, but instead, he's falling apart.

Rosegardenlake is another sheith writer who I adored last year & adore this year as well. This was a story that I read during the beginning of quarantine-life and when I tell you the number of times Keith’s emotions of loneliness got to me, it’s a big number.

Keith’s struggle with life after high school, after peaking in school, and his mental health reminded me too much of where I was at 2018, which wasn’t a good year for me at all, especially mentally. So that was triggering but it was also helpful since I saw how far I came. And it was beautiful seeing how far Keith came.

Also the relationship between Shiro and Keith was just beautiful. It’s very funny how Keith was Shiro’s protector growing up and Shiro became Keith’s later on in life. There’s a chance your heart may be heavy, but will also be so swelled up with feelings these two bring it.

Honorable mentions:

Where the Light Doesn’t Reach

9). When Night Comes by Oh_Hey_Tae (BTS; poly ot7)

Summary: Jungkook’s tipsy, but he’s not buzzed enough to miss that he doesn’t recognize any of the four dozen people here. And seeing as his friends aren’t ones to ditch and there’s no way they’d play a prank this mean on him, Jungkook reaches the conclusion that he just walked into a stranger’s very expensive home, uninvited, and started eating their food and petting their well-dressed dog.

(Or: Jungkook shows up to the wrong Halloween party and meets the most powerful family in Seoul.)

I can easily say Oh_Hey_Tae easily one of my favorite BTS fanfic favs. Always come through with the stories, and this one was just amazing. We have Jungkook stumbling into a Halloween story, and soon enters into a intense, insane relationship with all six guys, who are already in a relationship with each other. Oh, and supernatural creatures at that.

You do see certain relationships are stronger, deeper. For example, a lot of moments between Jin and Jungkook. Vmin has their own story and moments. But it was just so amazing.

Fair warning. Halfway through, things get darker and Oh_My_Tae really loves playing readers diirty with the angst, but it’s so good.

10). peace-weaver by magisterpavus (sheith)

Summary: You will be the peace-weaver, his mother told him, smiling though her dark eyes welled with unshed grief. The one who brings two bitter enemies together and ends the bloodshed and death between us, once and for all.

But men will always crave war. The Galra, most of all.

Yet another arranged-marriage AU that I loved. This particular one is well-loved in the sheith fandom. I can definitely say it’s considered one of the classic fanfics that’s been read or shared at one point or another.

The story itself reminded me a lot of Macbeth, involving murder and dark forces at bay. The dynamics between Shiro and Keith reminded me of Drogo and Daenerys from GOT, one of my fav couples there, which only made it all the more better for me.

I do credit the author for the creative approach they took with quintessence and Shiro’s role/persona as the Champion

Honorable mentions:

The Boy in the Window

Sheith Demon/Priest AU

A Matter of Scale

Directive

Honorable mentions that I seriously wanted to add to the list but this post is already lengthy. All amazing, all greats reads by various writers y’all should check out:

Hold Me Tight, or Don’t by snowfallen (yoonmin with a Mr. & Mrs. Smith AU featuring assassins and hitmen, secret identities, fake marriage, and a lot of smut)

The Prince and Pirate by Maniacani, @nerdherderette (drarry with a splash of royalty and pirates. Perfect if you’re needing to fill in any Pirates of the Caribbean or Black Sails cravings)

First Kisses are the Best Ones by SashaDistan (sheith in a 50 First Dates Fusion heartfelt/heart-gutting story)

freely, as men strive for right by @bixgirl1 (drarry w/Harry explaining the many ways why Draco’s the love of his life. we love to see it)

The Sacrificed by SasuNarufan13 (sasunaru w/ dark fairytale elements similar to Little Red Riding Hood & Beauty and the beast + feat. mpreg)

Chasing Treacle Tart (and Draco Malfoy) by xErised (drarry feat. lunch lady Draco + scheming Harry + loads of fun w/sweets & more)

Red Desert by @beatitudinembty (taekook in a unique sci-fi AU; hard to explain but so worth a read

one way ticket to another life by starboykeith (sheith Hades x Persephone background)

Even So by lewilder (zutara; arranged marriage+ language barrier +soft strangers to lovers)

Well, lovely people, there you have it. My top 10 favorite fanfics of the year. I do notice a certain ship shows up a lot on this list, but I wasn’t kidding when I said they took over this year. Still, I tried to mix the list up with other fav ships/fandoms of mine. To the writers who created these incredible stories. I applaud you. I thank you for creating and sharing these wonderful stories. Anyone interested in doing the tag, please do.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, GUYS

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mymedicine · 4 years

Text

Stardust

~7k of sweet fluff & painful angst w jazz singer harry

moodboard

sum - y/n reflects on her own insecurities, the nuances of her shitty job, and her past relationship with the most popular vocalist at the club while watching him perform.

warnings - alcohol, angst, swearing, self-deprecation, misogyny/workplace sexual harassment (it’s pretty light, relatively speaking, but I don’t want to undermine how wrong any and all harassment is, not matter how seemingly minor), excessive use of italics and the word “belong”

notes - this is inspired in part by the several years i spent singing in a jazz group, wherein i had to learn about 382404 jazz standards. Stardust is one of my all time favorites! anyways this is maybe a little different than a typical one shot, but i hope you like it anyways as i worked very hard on her :’)

“Didn’t you have a thing with him a while back?”

“What?” Taken aback, Y/N snapped her eyes open wide. Just the words brought a shiver down her spine and a nagging twist in her heart. “No…we uh…we almost…” She stammered hastily, herself not even knowing where the sentence was going. How could she even begin to explain their relationship?

“Almost..?”

“Yeah,” Y/N sighed, trying in vain to hide the longing in her voice. “Almost.”

The club was busy tonight, as it always was when its star vocalist was performing. The Fine Line had hosted hundreds of local artists in the seven years since its opening, but only one had managed to bring his show anywhere outside its four brick walls. Harry Styles had gone above and beyond, in fact. And now that he’d been picked up by a renowned pianist and the pair had and toured around the country together, his presence in the tiny club was rare delight. Never one to forget his roots, Harry was fulfilling his vow to return to the club that kickstarted his rise to stardom every year.

“Well, lots of people would be very happy to have ‘almost’…” she gave Y/N a pointed look, “…that beautiful man.”

Y/N knew Sarah meant well, but the words tightened the soreness she was feeling in her chest. Of course he was beautiful. It was blatantly obvious to everyone who laid eyes on his delicate chocolate curls, charming green eyes, and bright crinkly smile. But Y/N didn’t just see him; she knew him. And she knew he was just as beautiful on the inside.

“It was complicated.”

An understatement. Not a lie. No more lies.

Y/N moved her arm away from the bar as Sarah swiped a wet rag on the counter where she’d been leaning. It hardly mattered, Y/N reckoned. The bar would be stained with watered-down scotch and lukewarm Prosecco spilled by the hands of rich and poor alike mere minutes after the club opened for the night, and Sarah’d have to clean it all over again. Still, Y/N kind of envied the bartender. Sarah had a safe place behind the bar to stay busy in all night, away from too many hungry, unwanted gazes. Not only that, but it would be so much easier to avoid the stage (or rather, the man performing on it) if she didn’t have to deal with the rowdy patrons seated in the front row.

“Complicated?” Sarah repeated with a mischievous tone and that same pointed stare.

“Are you single?” she’d asked when a jolt of confidence suddenly hit her. Alcohol-induced confidence, of course. Her shift had been over for a half hour and John had yet to declare last call.

“Yes, well…it’s sort of complicated.” he’d replied, whiskey coursing through his own veins.

“Complicated how?”

“I just…” He trailed off and looked away from her as if searching for the right words, eyes gazing thoughtfully at the few patrons who were still lingering after his set “…consider myself married to my job…”

“In that case, I consider myself twice divorced and scorned.”

He chuckled, returning his eyes to meet hers from where he was perched on the barstool beside her. “That bad being a waitress? At least you got a show from an outstanding vocalist.”

“What vocalist is tha? I’m only here for the pianist,” she teased, nodding her head in the direction of where Mitch was chatting with a group of immaculately dressed, heavily made up women. Too made up, Y/N thought. The Fine Line was a humble hole in the wall jazz club where anyone could get cheap drinks and decent entertainment, not the goddamn opera house. She refused to consider that the reason for her hostility toward their appearances could be anything other than that. She wasn’t jealous—they were pretentious, overly obsessed rich girls who fawned over anyone with talent or wealth. Harry and Mitch, of course, had both.

Her irritation melted away as Harry laughed again, the sound somehow even sweeter to her than the dulcet singing for which he’d become famous.

“Yes, Sar.” Y/N crossed her arms, subconsciously moving her body away from the stools in front of the bar and the memories they held. How could she explain their relationship?—Well, it seems she couldn’t.

Sensing her friend’s unease, Sarah let the issue go. “Well, at least you’ll be getting nice tips tonight,” she said diplomatically. “You look extra pretty and ’s gonna be packed.”

Yes, one reason Y/N had meticulously ironed her black tea-length skirt and cream blouse (even though they’d both be covered by her apron), applied a smooth, thin line of eyeliner, and stuffed an emergency tube of glossy lipstick in her brassiere was in anticipation of the club being crowded with plenty of older men whose generosity depended upon her appearance as much as the quality of her service. An omission. Not a lie.

“Thanks.” Y/N smiled stiffly, “Hope it’s worth it.”

Complicated indeed.

Despite her mild annoyance and the growing ache in her heart, Y/N felt a surge of gratitude for Sarah. Before she took over for John a few months ago, Y/N had struggled to befriend any of the other staff at the club. The other waitresses were nice enough, but Y/N just didn’t have the energy to initiate any sort of friendship. The weight of her lost lover, her financial struggles, her personal unhappiness…it was too much to unload on a meaningless workplace friendship.

With Sarah, it was easy. Her alliance didn’t require any work or thought or feeling. She was easy to talk to and even easier to absently listen to as she talked Y/N’s ear off. Whether intended to take Y/N’s mind off her inevitable confrontation with her past or not, Sarah’s rambling was a welcome distraction. She prattled about the poor quality of the alcohol, her disbelief at the outrageous prices they charged, how “fucking freezing” it was outside, how she was excited to gush over the women’s outfits for the night, how insufferable their manager was, and how she hoped Harry’s pianist was as amiable as he was talented and handsome (and that she’d even be able to speak to him in order to find out).

Y/N eyed the clock above the bar as Sarah continued chattering and swiping a rag over each pint glass. The hands seemed to move faster than usual—far too fast for comfort. They were less than fifteen minutes shy of opening, which meant there was more than likely a line forming outside and that the man of the hour had already arrived.

He’d have come through the back door and sat himself in the makeshift dressing room back there, probably having some tea with honey and trying to stop himself from babbling to Mitch, knowing it killed his voice. Y/N wondered absently what he was wearing. She pictured him in a flashy suit with his hair tousled and messy, maybe some of his favorite clunky rings adorning his fingers. Her heart squeezed impossibly and though she knew he wouldn’t be in the dining room just yet, she shivered at the thought of his eyes on her, his hands on her, his voice in her ears.

She tried to busy herself with watching Sarah clean, but she couldn’t help her eyes from glancing at the clock. She fidgeted in her barstool, drumming her fingers on the counter as the minute hand completed yet another rotation.

At six fifty-three Y/N couldn’t take it anymore so she bid Sarah farewell and made deliberately slow work of walking to the ladies room. But of course, she couldn’t help but notice that there was a clock in there too. She fished out her lipstick, desperate for something to do. Still, her eyes flicked up to where it hung above the mirror and her unsteady fingers stained her chin with the pink gloss. She begged the clock to slow down—no where near ready for work. Would she ever be ready to return to the club knowing she’d be sharing the space with her past lover?

Six fifty-seven… She wiped her chin with the pad of her thumb…Fifty-eight…She smoothed the non-existent wrinkles on her apron…fifty-nine…

Time.

Seven o’clock. The Fine Line’s doors opened and hostesses ushered the eager guests inside. A warm din quickly filled the room as patrons flooded in, greeting the staff and chatting to each other. Y/N merely watched from the side of the bar as the happy, well-dressed people sat at bar tables, corner booths, and even couches near the stage where it was cozy and intimate. Behind the bar, Sarah was already serving the more eager customers and chatting with them effortlessly about their outfits and the weather. Y/N felt a surge of disappointment—no, anger at herself for being so useless. He wasn’t even in the room and yet, he affected her every move.

Finally at seven oh seven, Y/N plucked up the courage to pell herself away from safety and actually do her job. Encouraged by the icy glare her manager, Robert, was sending her, she plastered a fake smile on her cheeks and sauntered over to the back corner of the room to greet her tables before taking their drink orders. Prosecco, house cabernet, whiskey neat, water with lemon—all so predictable and bland.

At seven twelve, Harry took the stage.

She caught sight of him just as she was setting down the glass of iced water with lemon. The older woman who’d ordered the drink thanked her kindly, but her attention was elsewhere. Harry was anything but bland—this she of course already knew, but the sight of his handsome figure after so long nearly made her drop the glass.

Needing no introduction, he and his pianist sauntered into the spotlight seemingly from out of nowhere. Y/N watched helplessly from the back of the room as cheers erupted from the crowd almost immediately. She could only see glimpses of him through the shadowy backs of her patrons’ heads, and still, he was an absolute wonder to behold. He was shimmering head to toe in a glittery black and gold blazer with tight pants and shiny black shoes. Y/N couldn’t tell from where she was frozen whether he was wearing rings or any other jewelry, but she wouldn’t doubt it—even his hair seemed to be dancing with sparkle.

Y/N managed to escape her daze as Harry effortlessly took his place in front of the piano—center stage, right where he belonged. He stood behind the microphone, his bright smile partially concealed by the mouth of it. Even before he said a word, his confident stature and striking outfit accompanied by Mitch’s smooth fluttering of the ivory keys captivated the room. The cheers from the crowd roared louder, the sounds of clinking glasses and high-pitched whistles making his smile grow impossibly bigger.

Meanwhile, Y/N retreated back to the corner of the bar to…hide? To sulk? She wasn’t sure, but she leaned on the counter anyways and surveyed the room. Was this where she belonged?

“Good evening, my friends,” He murmured into the microphone, immediately silencing the room with his low voice and thick, alluring accent. Wide eyes and glowing smiles greeted him from every corner. He glanced around the room, taking in the dark faces and familiar cozy atmosphere of the club he’d grown up singing in—looking for something (or rather, someone).

“I’m Harry Styles…” He paused, smiling wide and shutting his eyes to let the soft piano chords wash over himself and the dining room. Mitch looked up from the keys at his friend and returned the relaxed grin. “And this is the incredibly talented Mitch Rowland…” Harry continued, “We’re gonna play some jazz tunes for you tonight. Please sit back, relax, have a drink or two. We’re all here for a good time.”

He gave Mitch a slow, confident nod, and so began their set.

Even with a narrow, partially obstructed view of him, it was exceedingly obvious to Y/N that Harry had outgrown The Fine Line. His voice cascaded off the stage, flooding the room and engulfing everyone in it. He improvised effortlessly, as if music was his native language rather than English. It was evident that he understood the difference between art and artistry. Art existed for sake of the audience, but the latter existed within the creator himself. He was a vessel through which artistry flowed and pictures were sketched without any paint, stories told without any words. It was a gift granted upon people like Harry, whose purpose on Earth was to share it.

He was smooth jazz personified, the epitome of serenity with a touch of spunk evident in his glittery outfit and playful tone. He managed to strike the perfect balance between traditional jazz and contemporary funk, booming forte and soft pianissimo, bubbly disposition and mellow temperament, relaxed and chaotic, carefree and attentive—it was precisely why the world loved him so much.

Y/N watched fondly as he reached up to hold the mouth of the microphone, and there it was—a glint of metal catching the light. His H ring was big and clunky around his finger, but still strikingly beautiful against the dim spotlight and his painted nails.

“My hands are cold.”

“Yeah? Should I warm ‘em up f’you?”

Suddenly his hand had engulfed hers. Just like that, they were holding hands. Y/N felt her heart threatening to leap out of her chest. His calloused, ring-clad fingers around hers sent waves of warmth through her palm, her forearm, her chest, the feeling so physically overwhelming that she stopped walking.

He followed her lead, turning to face her and take her other hand in his free one.

She couldn’t see much of his face in the darkness, but the stars cast a delicate glow on his prominent features. She could make out the outline of his crooked nose, his sharp cheekbones, his bunny teeth toying with his bottom lip.

“Hah,” he mused. “Knew you just wanted ta hold my hand.”

An icy wind ripped through her. She squeezed his hands a little tighter, ignoring the slight pain his rings gave her. She instantly felt warmer.

Being with Harry had been a fantasy—a lie, even. He was simply too good to be true. Just three weeks of diner dates and flower bouquets and jazzy serenades and whispered pillowtalk, and she was in love. Three weeks was all it took for Y/N to fall absolutely head over heels for him. Over a year had passed and she still wasn’t over a love that was built in three weeks.

As heavenly music pervaded the room and alcohol continued to flow, the patrons grew rowdier. Y/N was already on edge with the constant ringing of her ex lover’s voice in her ears and all the repressed love resurfacing, and each wandering hand and lingering touch pushed her a little closer to her breaking point. She was swamped with two tables both choosing to order hors d’oeuvres for the evening, which irritated her to no end (Who orders food at a jazz club? Especially this jazz club, where even the simplest drinks were barely palatable. The Fine Line would surely find away to fuck up charcuterie, and then she’d have to go and deal with their complaints about it).

“Excuse me, love. Aren’t you the waitress?” The man’s meaty hand stopped her in her journey to the back to fetch the food, snaking its way to the small of her back. Y/N shivered at the feeling of his sweaty palm through the cotton material of her apron.

Instinct told her to steal a glance at the stage. Did he notice her discomfort? Did he care? Do I care if he cares? She was no stranger to these kinds of interactions with inebriated men and he was still performing like he didn’t have a care in the world. She didn’t need him to save her from this drunkard or any of the club-goers hounding her.

Y/N put on a fake smile and looked up at his face, “Yes, sir.”

“Can you make me anotha drink?” He slurred.

“I can put it in with the bartender, just give me one moment—“

“That bitch over there?…” He make a sweeping gesture toward the general area where Sarah, too, was swamped. “Where’s the actual bartender?”

“Uhm, sir…Sarah makes all the drinks—“

“Bullshit, she’s just a girl—”

“Sir—“

An exaggerated eye roll, “—good for nothing little bitches, both of you—“

“If we’re all so worthless to you, why don’t you get the goddamn drink yourself!”

The man looked appalled, mouth wide open in a shocked silence. Y/N felt a tinge of satisfaction knowing she’d wounded him. But the tiny flame was quickly extinguished.

“Y/N!” It was Robert’s angry voice smashing through her joy like broken glass. He thundered over to her, coming out of nowhere just in the nick of time.

“Yes, sir?” She sighed, eyes trained on her feet. They were aching in her tight heels—just another affliction she’d grown accustomed too.

“That’s not how you talk to paying customers here! It’s barely eight o clock and you’re already on strike two for tonight. You’re lucky I’m feeling nice enough to giving you one more chance.”

Robert’s raised voice caught the attention of a few guests in the near vicinity. Y/N felt a wave of shame wash over her, like she was a child being reprimanded by her parents. For a moment, she absently wished that she was nine or ten years old again, with no responsibilities, no heartache, no problems. But she wasn’t a child; she was a grown woman and she needed this job to survive.

Y/N bit her tongue and uttered, “My apologies, sir,” through clenched teeth.

The scene seemed to have caught the singer’s attention from across the room. He finally caught a glimpse of her from the stage and Y/N could practically see his heart somersaulting in his chest. He paused for a beat, halting his languid swaying to focus on the glimpse he caught of her profile in the crowd. He could only see her face very faintly in the dark, crowded club, but it was more than enough. Y/N felt as if his gaze was stretching time…stretching until she felt the sting of a hand slapping her wrist at her side.

She snapped her eyes away from the stage and turned toward the source of the strike. Unlike Y/N, who couldn’t even seem do her job when he was in the same room as her, Harry recovered quickly once her gaze left his, blinking his own eyes as to escape the reverie.

Robert sent Y/N another dirty glare, seething, “Get back to work before I send you out for good.”

Y/N nodded meekly, taking a deep breath and forcing herself to carry on. She rubbed her sore wrist and bruised pride. It definitely wasn’t the first time Robert had given her a harsh censure, but that didn’t make it sting any less.

Meanwhile, Harry returned his attention to his performance. “This last song is called ‘Stardust,’” he mused into the microphone, effortlessly holding the attention of every patron in the club. “’S one of my favorites. ’S about love…and lost.” He paused, sending the crowd a charming smile. “Big thanks to Mitchy…” he gestured grandiosely toward the pianist, who played an impressive jazzy riff in response, “…and of course, each of you. You made me the man I am today, and I’m forever grateful.”

Y/N swore he looked right at her as a melodiously chanted those words. He knew where to find her now and his gaze was purposeful, intense, and unwavering. Not for the first time tonight, her heart felt like it’d stopped beating in her chest.

Harry hesitated to continue, happy green eyes lingering on hers while Y/N wondered absently if it was only his lover—only herself, that could see the longing hidden in them. She smeared on her best blank expression, no longer having the energy for even a fake smile, and focused on keeping her tray steady. She plucked four more full glasses from the bar and balanced them precariously on her tray before meandering around the dining room to the rhythm of Harry’s song. A year ago, the sound of his voice would have made her own heart sing. Today, each note twisted the knife in her heart a little more, torturing her with what she couldn’t have.

“Mitchy’s been teaching me a couple things…”

He had a beautiful baby grand in the middle of his living room. It was clear from the way the piano took up nearly the entire room that he invested in things he loved—not spaces.

“Oh yeah?” She wrapped her arms lazily across his chest, embracing him from behind while he sat at the bench.

Harry’s fingers glided across the keys and played a few random chords and licks before finally producing a soft, familiar melody. Y/N absently recognized the tune and smiled fondly, hoping he could feel her grin in his hair.

“Heaven…I’m in heaven…” he sang gently, easily falling into the swinging rhythm. Y/N felt the vibrations of his voice in her own chest, heart beating wildly.

His fingers continued floating over the piano, fumbling here and there, but nonetheless impressing her with his skill. “And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak…”

“…And I seem to find the happiness I seek…” Y/N clumsily joined him in the lyrics she vaguely knew. Her voice wasn’t nearly as effortlessly harmonious as Harry’s, but was equally as joyful.

“When we're out together dancing, cheek to cheek…” They finished in unison, a final resolving chord echoing between them. Only fitting, Y/N squeezed her arms around his chest impossibly tighter and pressed her cheek to his. Warmth surged through her from where their skin met, joy following close behind.

As he sang his final piece of the night, his voice glimmered throughout the room like, well, like stardust, Y/N thought. He was a star in every sense of the word, eyes gleaming, teeth shining white, and heavenly voice brightening up the darkness of the club. His blazer glittered in the light and cast bright refractions on all the walls as he swayed to the rhythm, while the heavenly sounds of his artful scatting convinced Y/N that she was indeed in the presence of an angel.

She felt his eyes on her all the way from the stage, even in the throng of drunk patrons and busy waitresses. It was impossible not to. The weight of his gaze and the rasp of his voice surrounded her.

“Though I dream in vain...In my heart it always will remain…the stardust melody, the memory of love’s refrain.”

The memory of love’s refrain? The last chorus was overwhelming. A strident ringing overshadowed Harry’s voice in her ears. Her vision blurred, the lights and the people and the glasses blending together and fading. The stardust melody...the memory of love’s refrain...in my heart...

Suddenly, as if all her limbs had disconnected from her brain, Y/N’s hands slipped from under the tray. Prosecco spilled all over her apron in the next instant, staining the once white fabric champagne. His song, his voice, his gaze…he’d rendered her useless.

She heard Robert’s booming footsteps before she saw him. “Y/N! How many times do I have to tell you off tonight?!” His voice sounded distant in her ears. Loud and angry, but far-away...as if he were calling to her from another world.

This time, the clamor didn’t go unheard by the guests, nor by Harry. He frowned visibly and stuttered. He began to rush his goodbye speech, quickly thanking the crowd.

“That’s strike fucking three,” Robert continued shouting and flailing his hands dramatically. “Get out. I don’t want to see your face here until next week!” His harsh words drowned out Harry’s final, hasty farewell reminder to ‘treat people with kindness.’

Y/N said nothing and remained frozen in response. She stood exhausted in a puddle of alcohol and broken glass, physically unable to carry on the facade any longer. She turned on her heel, desperate to be out from under both Robert’s furious gaze and Harry’s musical spell. As she stumbled toward the exit, she felt like her legs would give out at any moment and finally crumble against the insurmountable pressure. Harry’s were just one of hundreds of pairs of eyes that lingered on her as she struggled. She paused near the door and grabbed onto the coatrack for support, blinking away tears and choking back sobs.

Harry raced over to her, swiftly maneuvering his body through the crowd confused club-goers. When he reached her, he instinctively caught her wrist in his grasp. His rings were cold and sharp against her sore skin—the contrast between the cold metal and his hot palm familiar and comforting and painful all at once.

“Are you okay?”

She replied immediately, “Yes.” Not a lie. She still had a job for now, she had a decent coat wrapped around her, she had a bed to sleep on tonight, and she was breathing. She was okay.

He was panting, voice sounding raspy and strained from overuse. A drop of sweat trickled down his forehead and he flicked it away with the back of his hand. “Are you…are you sure?”

“I want you to have this.”

“It’ll never fit me, H. Your hands are even bigger than y’head.”

He reeled back, feigning offense with a furrowed brow, but he could only move a few inches away from her on his tiny bed they were sharing.

“Fine then, meanie. I won’ give yeh the pretty little chain I got for it,” he said tauntingly.

Y/N’s heart soared as she took in his impish smirk and dopey eyes dancing with a glint of happiness. She ignored his teasing tone, choosing instead to melt over his words. Of course he’d gotten her a chain, she thought—he always thought of everything.

He stretched his arm over her, shoving his bare chest in her face. Playfully, she poked her tongue out to lick his nipple, to which he exclaimed a melodramatic “Oi! Quit tha!” And laughter fell from both their lips as he reached for the drawer in his nightstand.

He pulled back but kept her tucked close to him, leaving just enough space to dangle the chain he produced from the drawer in between them. Y/N studied his pale, nimble fingers as they worked, opening the clasp and slipping his S ring onto it. As he finished, her eyes met his once again. His hair was in his face and the early morning sunlight cast a soft shadow of a single curl over his eyelid. Still, she could make out every detail of his eyes, every vision into his thoughts and shimmering fleck of emotion.

“Are you sure you want me to wear this?” She hummed pensively, not having to look away from his eyes to know that her fingers were tracing the swallows on his collar.

“Yes, but only if you apologize for bein’ mean ta me.”

She giggled again, the sound pure and lovely—like music to his ears. “I’m very sorry,” she humored him, “I love your big head.”

“Shut up, you absolute pest.” He gently pinched the skin at her hip with one hand, and with the other, slipped the chain over her head. She beamed at him, hearts in her eyes and love in her heart.

“Now I’m with you. Always.” And with that, he hauled her into the circle of his arms—right where she belonged, the sounds of her gentle laughter muffled in his chest as the sun rose to illuminate the morning.

Of course she wasn’t okay! She hated her life and she loved Harry. How could she not? He was brilliantly talented, funny, thoughtful, and charming—but in her eyes, oblivious to her internal struggle. She didn’t belong with him. She could never belong with him! A tired, talentless, immature woman destined only to wait tables and lie for the rest of her existence. Maybe she’d marry one of the Fine Line’s patrons whose hungry eyes lingered long enough, whose hands grabbed her waist tight enough. She’d bear his children and go on hating her life and craving something more. That was her truth. No more lies.

His expensive shoes thumped on the stone behind her as he ran to follow after her outside. The lights from the sign outside the club were making his jacket glimmer and shine as he moved, even in the darkness of midnight. She turned to face him, reluctantly meeting his eyes from where he stopped a few feet away from her.

Y/N waited for him to say something else. He’d run after her, after all. And yet, he was silent aside from heavy panting echoing his exhaustion and frustration. He was opening his mouth and frantically shutting it again, desperate to say the right thing but terrified of failing—again.

She felt her heart squeeze in her chest with every second passing in tense silence. Y/N had a hundred things she wanted to say to him, but all she could come up with was: “Thanks for the show, Harry. You were brilliant.”

He furrowed his brows and shook his head, “Y/N, wait…I—”

“Good night.” Her hands trembled by her side—for more reasons that just the bitter cold, as she turned to leave. He let her go, again.

It was a long walk home.

The cobblestone streets felt achingly familiar, yet entirely foreign underneath her. The gentle click, clack of her heels against the stones, the bitter chill and the whooshing sounds of harsh wind, even the glow cast by pale moonlight against the walls of alleyways was all the same. All the same, every goddamn day.

The only difference tonight was the sticky remnants of spilled Prosecco on her skin and the agonizing force of her emotions. The words of his song lingered in her brain, invading her thoughts and inevitably slowing her pace as she stumbled over her feet. She felt heavy and wearied with the cumbersome weight of her regrets and mistakes and shortcomings and insecurities returning with her former lover. It took everything out of her to leave him again. To break her own heart again.

Y/N knew she was lucky to live alone. She didn’t have to rely on a man to support her. She had a job, she had friends, she had a comparatively good life. But she’d never be good enough for him. Without the sight of him and the feeling of his skin on hers fresh in her mind, it might’ve been possible to force the thought out of her mind.

She stepped through the door and immediately noticed how her apartment somehow felt even colder than the bitter chill outside. She shut the door, ignoring the stinging draft and peeling off her heavy coat. Even with the physical weight gone from her shoulders, her muscles still felt tense, achy, and forlorn.

She hadn’t felt this kind of pain since…since she’d left the first time.

Y/N dug around her coat pockets and her medicine cabinet for aspirin or peppermint oil or something to numb the pain. Coming up empty, she retreated to her bedroom, where her eyes fixated immediately on her nightstand.

She paused as a tear strolled down her cheek as visions of what was inside the drawer invaded her mind. She’d blocked out his memory, thrown away his t-shirts, forgotten the sound of his voice and unlearned his habits. But she couldn’t throw away this tiny piece of him. To her, it was anything but tiny. Every one of her billions of neurons told her to get rid of the damn thing, but her one aching heart wouldn’t let her. It was the one thing keeping her chained to him.

Her hand hesitated at the knob of the drawer. She felt weak, jaded, and at the mercy of her agonizing memories.

The chain lay face up at the bottom of the drawer, the S as big and clunky as its counterpart, as shiny and beautiful as its owner. The sight of it sent a tidal wave of memories through her head and a fresh stream of tears down her cheeks. God, she thought, I want him so bad.

Clutching the ring and chain to her chest, she collapsed onto her cold sheets and finally let the sobs wrack her body. His raspy voice rang in her ears, the sweet melody of Stardust sounding dissonant amid her own voice, amid her worst lie of all—the lie that haunted her memory. I don’t want you.

A harsh knock knock knock interrupted the cacophony in her mind.

Y/N’s heart skipped a beat. She leapt out of bed and furiously swiped the tears off her cheeks. She debated running to the bathroom to rinse her face, but another set of harsh knocks shooed away the thought. There’s really only one person it could be—one person who knows where she lives and knows she’d fall at his feet every single time. Her aching feet dragged her body across the cold floor to foyer. With a trembling hand, she turned the handle to her front door.

And there he was, at her doorstep in all his shining glory, as if he’d come to sweep her off her feet once again. His hair was frizzy and longer up close than it had looked onstage. The happy glint he had while in his element was absent from his eyes, now watery and pained but as big and beautiful as ever. She swore the moonlight had grown brighter as it shone on his figure, as if whatever higher power out there refused to let him exist for even a moment without a spotlight.

“Y/N, please hear me out.”

At that moment when the words fell off his lips, she’d never felt further from him—not even when he was hundreds of miles away in a city she’d never heard of singing for strangers she’d never meet. Even then, they’d be sleeping under the same stars. But with Harry right in front of her, standing at her door still clad in his glittery blazer, they were worlds apart.

“I don’t have to hear you out, H,” she whispered, the nickname slipping out before she could stop it. It tasted sweet on her tongue, but the sound of his name in her voice made her chest ache. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

“I do, though. I- I…” He trailed off, looking down at his shiny black shoes as if hoping to find the words he was looking for in his reflection. “I didn’t make you feel wanted. I didn’t do enough to make you happy…to make you feel like, you belonged—belong with me.”

His speech sounded broken and clumsy. Y/N absently posited that for him, English really was a second language to music. Scatting came so easy to him. It was infinite—each note and syllable holding meaning, a line of his story, a feeling in his soul, a piece of his heart—not limited by the constraints of speech. How could he possibly find words in the English language to express how he felt about her? How he felt about himself? He sounded like he was suffocating, like he was drowning, like the stone floor was slipping out from under his feet.

Y/N could see his anguish. She recognized it. She lived it.

“You belong on the stage, Harry.” Keep your voice even, she chanted to herself, don’t let it show. That was her life. Chin up, lipstick on, hair slick, mouth shut. A constant battle between don’t lie and don’t let it show. She’d perfected the balance in the year since her relationship. But Harry, of course, managed to make all of that resolve crumble to ruins without even trying.

“I belong with you,” He told her desperately, himself not hiding any of his agony.

“No. I belong to the club. You belong to the music.”

Harry threw his head into his hands, rubbing his glossy eyes furiously. “Is it selfish of me to want both of you?!” He cried, shoving his ring-clad fingers through his curls.

Y/N’s breath hitched and she paused, not quite knowing what to say. Yes, she thought, it is selfish. You want the music, the fans, the money, the fame, and the girl. All I’ve ever wanted is you.

“Come with me,” he continued when Y/N didn’t speak. He reached both hands out as if to touch her, but seemed to think better of it and clenched his fingers into fists between them. “Come with me on tour and we can…we can—“

“I can’t.” She said evenly, desperately willing the tear in her eye to stay put, but she was exhausted.

“Why not?”

“Because you’re a superstar Harry! You’re America’s shining sweetheart! And one day you’re gonna realize that I’m not like you. I’ll only hold you back. I’m not enough for you. And I never will be.” She raised at voice at him. She knew it wasn’t fair to shout at him when she was angry with society, with herself. The metal S still clutched in her palm suddenly felt colder and heavier than before. The chain tangled in between her fingers, refusing to release its hold on her. Perhaps it was actually the other way around. Maybe all she had to do was let it go… Is this what I want? To let go again? To lie again?

“Don’t you get it Y/N! The way you see me, like…like some kind of perfect sparkling star…” He abandoned the invisible barrier between them and grabbed her cheeks between his palms, forcing her to look at him, “that’s exactly how I see you.”

The feeling of hands hot against her skin and the words leaping from his mouth like memorized lyrics ignited a supernova inside her—a familiar blazing fire of joy and guilt and love. She felt paralyzed in his grasp, unable to look away from his eyes where she swore she could see specks of gold dancing around the pools of green.

He continued after a beat, “To me, you’re the brightest goddamn thing in that shitty club! Your heart, Y/N—it’s made of gold! I love the music and I love Mitchy and I love the fame but I’d give it all up in a millisecond for you and regret absolutely nothing.”

His words strummed her heartstrings, the vibrations echoing through her chest, her lungs, her shoulders, and finally, her head. She inhaled a heavy breath, putting all her strength into staying upright and squeezing the ring to her palm. No more lies.

“I know you don’t believe me. I know you. I know you hate yourself, you lie to yourself, you think you’re not…you’re not enough…” “I know everything about you and I still love you…”

Y/N reached up and gingerly placed her hands on top of his, holding his palms against her cheeks. He silenced himself as she held the backs of his hands and moved them behind her head. She tore her eyes away from his, and stepped into him. With a strained exhale, she wrapped her own arms around his waist, the sequins on his jacket rough against her clenched fists which held his ring. The blazing symphony crescendoed inside her as she felt his arms squeeze her into his chest.

There were still so many words left unsaid, so many notes still unplayed. As Y/N cautiously stepped over the line between their worlds, she knew her insecurities would catch up with her. And Harry knew their struggle was far from over. They’d both left each other with uncertainty and guilt and longing and life like neither had never known before.

Their love was the stardust of yesterday, but the sun would rise tomorrow.

happy endings are for weenies. yes i am a weenie.

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bluesylveon2 · 3 years

Text

My My I Could Never Let You Go

Summary: Sasha Zoe just wants her dad to walk her down the aisle. There is only one problem: she doesn't know who her dad is! Sasha invites 3 men in hopes of finding out which one is her father. What could possibly go wrong?

Pairings: Levi x Hange, Sasha x Niccolo, and other background relationships

Disclaimer: This is a Levihan Mamma Mia au. This fanfic is inspired by Mamma Mia which is directed by Phyllida Loyd, written by Catherine Johnson, and uses music from the pop group ABBA. Attack on Titan is a manga/anime series written by Hajime Isayama and published by Kondasha

A/N: Is it too late to say that Sasha’s wedding takes place in the first week of August? (edit: I realized my mistake and I fixed it) Tbh this chapter is short and just filler BUT it does set up what will happen in the next few chapters. You could say it helps with the subplot. I did make a few edits to the fic, especially last chapter because I’m nit-picky like that.

Need to catch up? Catch up here!

Ch 8: Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy

2 months before the wedding

It was a beautiful, sunny day in Kalokairi, and Hanami could not agree more as she sips her coffee in front of the Swell Cafe Bar.

The smell from her coffee was wafting her nose, the warm sunlight on her sun-kissed skin, the beautiful view, and the slight breeze that moved her sundress a bit were perfect for her.

She tapped her foot to the music playing in the background. The owners were playing an old 80's jazz song. Hanami wasn't familiar with it, but she liked listening to the beat. She also noticed the waiter shyly glancing at her every now and then as he worked.

Aw, she thought. It seems like he's too shy to walk up to her. He kept subtly glancing at her since she sat down.

Hanami looks in the man's direction and gives him a bright smile and a small wave, causing the guy to blush and look away with embarrassment for getting caught.

Hanami chuckles to herself. She considered winking at him, but she didn't want the poor guy to blush much.

She rests her head on her palm, and her gaze returns back to the sea. She reflects on what has happened in the past few months.

2 months ago, during Easter break, Jean approached her with a plan to win over Mikasa. At the time, Hanami was unsure if he would be able to pull it off. Everyone knows how much Mikasa likes (is that even the right word?) Eren. Yet, everyone knows about Jean’s huge crush on Mikasa.

She only agreed after Jean offered to pay for everything during their "meet-ups" (she insisted that they take turns instead and Jean agreed), assist her with her Maid of Honor duties for the wedding when she had to go back to college (Hanami did her best to exclude him from anything related to Sasha’s dads), and do any other favors for a year. Hanami knew Jean was serious after the conditions.

You see, Hanami used to not like Jean back in high school. He was cocky, arrogant, and annoying (at least to her and (not)surprisingly, Eren). Hanami made sure to express her dislike for him. However, Jean changed after an incident when Marco broke his right leg and Jean was too late to stop it. He became more mature and considerate of his friends. As a result, both he and Hanami decided they could be friends, and everything went from there.

And so, Hanami agreed with one condition: Jean must teach her how to dance.

The reason being is Hanami’s Austrian friends invited her to one of the many balls held during ball season in Austria. Everyone in Hanami’s friend group knows she cannot dance, especially in heels.

Luckily for her, Jean was the only available guy with a decent enough dance experience to teach her.

(All the guys agreed that Jean was the best dancer of all of them. Eren is a close second.)

The two would sometimes bicker, but they had each other's backs. They define their friendship as comfortable, per se; they were comfortable enough to actually kiss each other to get out of a sticky situation.

Hanami could remember an incident a few days ago when Sasha decided that the two, plus her and Niccolo, to take a trip to Skiathos to take a break from all the wedding plans. They had settled for a party at a local beach bar at night. Skiathos is known as a party island after all. Niccolo and Sasha had separated from the group to swim in the sea, so Jean offered to buy Hanami a drink since they were alone.

About 10 minutes had passed since and Jean did not return, so Hanami went out to find him. She did not expect to find him at a table near the bar surrounded by girls without holding any drinks. Despite how cocky Jean looks, he cares about personal space and making sure his friends are ok. He would hate it if someone decided to harass Hanami while he was gone.

The girls were getting a bit too close to him, so Hanami decided to step in. She strutted to his side while ignoring the other girls and proclaimed how much she missed him. She then grabs his hand and subtly squeezes it, to which he squeezes it back, giving her permission to do what she was about to do.

Jean had turned to face Hanami, wrapped his arms around her waist, and pulled her close to his body. Hanami looks up at him and grabs the collar of his shirt with both hands. She pulls him down for a kiss while ignoring the other girls who were still present. She wrapped her arms around her neck, while Jean's hands played with the hem of her cover-up. It was nothing sweet and cute like what normal couples do. Their kiss was more heated and was enough for the other girls to leave them alone.

They never brought it up again just for their own sakes. Jean and Hanami made an agreement to help each other by acting as if they were dating as practice for Mikasa. Hence why they kissed during the party. The two even agreed to squeeze each other’s hands as a sign if they were comfortable to proceed. Jean had no experience with dating, and Hanami had one boyfriend back in high school. She had more experience with dating than him.

(Hanami only mentioned that Jean had improved on his kissing skills and left it at that).

Hanami continues looking at the view as she waits for Jean. Apparently, he requested that they meet up one more time, and this is very important. Hanami questioned why this meeting was important. Did they not cover everything in the plan? Is there a plot hole they might have missed? She does not turn her head when she hears the man of the hour heading in her direction.

“You’re late. If you came any later, then I would go on a date with the waiter instead,” she teases and turns around to fully face him. He wore a white long-sleeve button-up shirt that he rolled up the sleeves. He also had on slacks and a pair of dress shoes. She found it strange that he decided to dress nicely when it was only 10 am. Usually, he dresses in casual clothes. She eyes the camera in his hands.

Jean sits in the chair across from her and places the camera on the table. “This is not a date, Hanami.” He dismissed with no hint of a laugh anywhere. “I’ve-” he hesitates for a second. “-been thinking about something lately.”

“Oh,” Hanami says and leans forward a bit. She noticed his hesitation and folded her hands on top of the table. She gestures to the camera on the table, “What’s with the camera?”

"I’m just practicing for school. I need to take a picture of something I admire and paint it for the school's art exhibit."

Hanami chuckles. "Too bad Mikasa is not here. She is the perfect subject for your painting."

Jean shifts around in his seat uncomfortably. Hanami notices but does not ask about it out loud. Why did he look uncomfortable? She thought he would at least agree with her.

"About that..the plan with Mikasa..." He trails off, sounding almost uncertain and confused.

"What’s up?." Hanami asks and raises an eyebrow. She was taken aback. Did Jean notice a hole in their plan? She sits up and stares at him intensely. She's getting the answer one way or another.

“Did we miss something with the plan?”

Hanami knew that Mikasa would not arrive at Kalokairi until days before or maybe the day before the wedding. Jean’s plan was a long shot. Who knows if Mikasa would fall for him in such a short amount of time. Then again, they have been friends for a while now.

“No...It’s nothing,” He says dismissively. Hanami raises an eyebrow. Jean was never this jumpy during their past meet-ups. She is not one to pry, but something is clearly on Jean’s mind and he was the one who insisted on meeting up today. Looks like she might have to play a secret weapon.

“Ohhhkayyy,” she says, holding out the word. She slumps in her seat, feigning disappointment.

“Don’t tell me you’re backing out of the plan? It would be a shame to put all that time to waste.” Suddenly, she smiles a wicked smile.

“Don’t you agree, Jeanbo?”

Jean breaks out of his trance and looks at Hanami with shock. He was speechless. Jean could name only two people from his friend group who knew his childhood nickname. Marco, for obvious reasons, and Armin. Armin found out on accident and promised Jean not to tell anyone. How did she know?

Checkmate.

“How do you know that?” Jean asks with a hint of fear.

Hanami places her elbows on the table and rests her hands on her head. “How did I know?” She smiles slyly and raises her eyebrows.

“I met your mother last summer when Sasha and I were visiting Annie in Paris. Sasha wanted to take a road trip around France, and we ended up in Strasbourg as a stop for some sightseeing. You should’ve seen how shocked we were to find your mom in town. She was even shocked when we mentioned that we knew you! It’s a good thing we recognized her from the various letters she sent and the old photos.”

Hanami looks at Jean, who is still speechless. She continues her story.

“You were on your trip in Spain with Marco at the time, so the girls and your mom wanted to keep it a secret. Don't want to ruin the surprise, you know?"

Hanami chuckles to herself.

"Although she did ask if one of us was your girlfriend though. I think she wants grandchildren soon, Jeanbo.”

Hanami laughs at her little joke. Jean was too busy blushing to even laugh at her joke. Doesn’t his mom know that he is too young for that?! He decided to take note to never bring any of his female friends back home.

“Anyways, she even made us her famous omelets, which were the best I ever had! You have to make me someday, Jean. Don't even try to back out of it. Your mom said you could make it." She looks at him

She even showed us your baby pictures! You look so adorable!" she gushes.

Meanwhile, Jean has not said a word. He was too shocked to even talk.

"It's too bad you changed…" Hanami trails off and glances into Jean's golden-brown eyes. Suddenly, she stands up from her seat and leans forward. One of her hands rested on the table for support, and the other was reaching out to Jean's face.

Jean only watches as Hanami gently grabs his chin. He was too flustered to make any move to stop her. Her thumb was in the front, and the rest of her fingers were in the back. He doesn't make a move to stop her. He only blushes instead.

"You just had to grow a beard and your hair out into a mullet. You know, most guys can’t work it, yet here you are. Congrats, I guess."

She tilts his head left and right as if she was examining him. She leans closer to his face that Jean can feel her breaths fan his face.

"You also got taller and muscular too." She tsks with slight annoyance. "I wonder why no other girls on the island haven't jumped you yet, huh, lover-boy?." She laughs while referring to the fact that Jean harbors a crush on Mikasa for years now.

Her hand trailed up from his chin to cup his cheek. Jean stays still and continues to watch by looking into Hanami's espresso brown eyes behind her glasses. He hoped she could not see him short-circuiting with how close she was.

He feels her shift the hand on his cheek to pinch him. Hard.

"Ow! What the hell, Hanami?"

"You just had to lose all that baby fat and get a sharp jawline instead! I’m going to miss the pinchable cheeks I never actually got to see!"

Jean breaks out of his trance and raises his hands up to stop Hanami.

Two can play this game. What was the best thing to do in this situation? Grab both her cheeks as retaliation.

"You hypocrite! You're the one with chubbier cheeks than me!"

The two continue pulling at each other’s cheeks and throwing insults at one another. They completely ignored that they were in a public area and people nearby can see them. There was an elderly couple nearby who watched the scene unfold. They couldn’t help but laugh to themselves because it reminded them of when they were young. The waiter from earlier was starting to doubt his impression of Hanami. Who knew she was also childish?

Hanami and Jean’s bickering went on for a few minutes until Hanami gave in.

“Ok. Ok. You win, Jean!” she says after sitting back down in her seat. She rubs her now sore cheek. Yeesh, that guy has a grip.

She looks up at Jean’s face. It looks more relaxed and not as tense as before as a result of earlier.

Hanami mentally high-fived herself because her plan of getting Jean out of his whatever he was going through was a success. Now it was time to get serious.

“Jean. I can tell something is on your mind.” She reaches forward to place one hand on top of his on the table. She does not make any motion to hold it.

“It’s fine if you don’t want to tell me specifically. However, just know that I am here for you, and I am happy to listen. I promise not to say anything.” She finishes with a smile.

Jean gulps and takes his hand away to tug on the collar of his shirt. Hanami just watches him patiently.

“It’s about the plan with Mikasa...I think we need to change tactics.”

Hanami crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow. “How so?”

“We...need to get Mikasa jealous.”

Hanami chuckles a bit. She has never seen Mikasa jealous in all of her years knowing her. Unless you consider that one instance with Annie training him, but Hanami thinks Annie didn’t view Eren that way. Hanami could not help but wonder how they can get Mikasa to feel jealous of a random girl with Jean in a short amount of time. Again, it depends on when Mikasa and Historia arrive.

“How do you plan on achieving that, Jean?” Hanami asks and takes a sip of her coffee. Things are starting to get interesting now.

“How are things with the bachelorette party?” Jeans suddenly ask, changing the topic. Hanami places her cup down on the table and looks at him suspiciously.

“Well, it is definitely going to be at the hotel plaza. Sasha had requested it there. Oh! Hange and her band are going to perform too. Hange wants to relive her glory days, or so she says. Why do you ask?”

Jean presses his lips in a thin line as if he was contemplating what to say next.

“I need your help with something for the bachelorette party.”

Hanami’s suspicious look never left her face. She takes some time to think about what Jean just said.

Suddenly, it all clicked in her head. She points an accusatory finger at him and glares at Jean.

“Don’t tell me you plan on inviting male strippers to the bachelorette party?!” Hamani yells and startles Jean as well as some passersby.

“No! Do you want me to get killed by practically this whole island?!” Jean exclaims, leaning forward in his seat to cover Hanami’s mouth. He keeps it there for a minute before leaning back to take a deep breath. Of course, Hanami would quickly jump to conclusions.

“No.” He says again calmly. “I need your help setting me up with-” He glances around him, looking slightly unsure. “-Rico when she arrives.”

Hanami looks at him dumbfounded. “Come again?”

Jean sighs and looks at Hanami with a serious face. “You heard me. I want you to set me up with Rico.”

“Rico? As in Rico Brzenska, the three-time divorcee? You do realize she is old enough to be your mom, right?”

“Of course I know that! It’s all part of getting Mikasa jealous!”.

Hanami nods her head, trying to understand whatever just came out of Jean’s mouth. To her, it sounded as if he must have gone mad or something. “Uh-huh. Do you plan on going after Pieck next?”

“No! She’s married!” He exclaims while blushing.

Hanami smirks and crosses her arms in front of her chest with triumph. “Exactly.”

Jean rubs his temples and looks at Hanami with a serious face. “Look, Niccolo came up with an idea about crashing the bachelorette party. Of course, we will make sure to let you have your fun before the guys come in.”

Hanami nods along, showing Jean she is following the story. “So you want me to help you get close enough to “seduce” her (she uses air quotes on the word seduce) that you end up dancing with her at the party and hope that Mikasa notices? Let me guess, you plan on adding more attempts right before the wedding and maybe at the reception?”

“Exactly. You can even try to put in a good word for me when Mikasa comes.”

Hanami nods again in understanding. “Ok, but I won’t do it for every interaction, ok? Only if it is just us two. I don’t want the other girls to raise suspicions if I start complimenting you randomly. Also-” She clamps her hands together. “-I won’t gatekeep Mikasa from Eren. If they want to talk, then I will let them talk. I don’t want to raise any suspicions between the two if that makes sense.”

Jean nods in agreement. “Ok. That sounds like a deal. You will help put in a good word for me to Mikasa, I can try talking to Rico before the party, we will work together to get me close to Rico. You also can't tell Mikasa about my old nickname. It's embarrassing enough that more people know it.” He holds his hand out for Hanami to shake.

Hanami laughs at how serious Jean was. She thought it was kind of funny to see how dedicated he was to this plan. She shakes his hand to seal the agreement. “I promise not to tell Mikasa, Jean. I do have some doubts about the Rico part. I don't mind saying ‘I told you so’ if things go south.”

She places her hand back down on the table and looks at Jean. She smiles, and it even catches him off guard. “You put a lot of effort into this, Jean. You deserve to be happy with Mikasa.”

“Y-y-yeah. You’re right.” Jean rubs the back of his head nervously, causing Hanami to laugh again.

Hanami continues smiling as she stands up and grabs Jean’s hand. “C’mon! I paid last time, so it’s your turn to pay for the food and I’m very hungry! I’m craving some walnut pie with ice cream!”

Jean never questioned her request. That woman had a sweet tooth second to Annie’s. He sighs as Hanami lets go of his hand to call over a waiter and start ordering a whole list of food.

This woman is going to be the death of him.

I know this is a filler chapter, but I am currently working on ch 9 right now. It is a good way to look at Hanami’s character though.

Updates may take a while because the semester is about to end

I chose Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy because I can see it fitting Jean and the many Nicosasha Tiktoks I used to get with this song.

The timing in this fic might be weird because I try to make it somewhat accurate with the research I find.

Speaking of research, this fic is basically a list of places I want to go to in the future. Too bad I can’t go now 😭

#levihan #levi x hange #levihan fanfiction #nicosasha #erwin x hange #mike x hange #mikenana #aruani #hitch x marlow #marco x mina #pokkopikku #snk #aot

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actuallysaiyan · 4 years

Note

Oh ok then when you can could you do some sfw alphabet for raditz he needs more love

Okie dokie! One Raditz SFW alphabet coming right up! Thanks for the Dragon Ball requests, I’m grateful!

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Raditz is a pretty affectionate guy. Sometimes he’s got a hard time showing it, because he hasn’t always been the best at conveying his emotions properly. He can come off as gruff and serious, but deep down he wants a big hug and someone to tell him how good he is.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Raditz is a great best friend, but sometimes he can be a bit flaky. He generally tries to be kind and trustworthy, but he’s sometimes unreliable a bit. He tries hard to be good with people, but he can be a little mean. He’d definitely strike up a conversation with you if you’d approach him.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He loves to cuddle! He doesn’t always want to admit it, but he loves to wrap his arms around you and pull you close to him. He wants you to feel safe and secure. He’s probably going to want you to pet his hair and kiss him sweetly as he snuggles close to you.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Ehhh, Raditz isn’t super crazy about doing chores. Sure, he’s going to want to settle down if you’d like to, but he might want you to take care of him a bit. That being said, he’d be okay with pulling his own weight with the domestic stuff if you asked him.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He would be very upset. He’s not going to show it in front of his partner, but he’s definitely going to feel very stupid. He knows it can’t always last forever with someone, but he doesn’t want to be heartbroken. He can be sensitive sometimes.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Okay, so Raditz would definitely enjoy having a mate. He’s probably not going to be the most romantic guy and say he wants to get married and all that jazz, but if things went well between you two, he wouldn’t be opposed to getting married and being committed.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Behind closed doors, he’s very gentle. He loves hugging you and kissing you, and making sure you’re okay and feeling loved. If he’s going to be in front of anyone else, he might seem standoffish sometimes. It’s not because he doesn’t care, but he does have his Saiyan pride after all.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Raditz loves hugs! He’s so sweet about it. He pulls you in and holds you close, inhaling your scent. He loves the way you smell and how good your body feels pressed against his. He’s not going to hug you often, but when he does, he makes sure it’s a good one.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He’s definitely not going to be quick about it. While he’s someone who’s often away doing one thing or another, he wants to be sure that he means it before telling you. You’d be spending lots of time apart, which would make the two of you lonely and longing, so he wants to make sure it’s the right time to say it.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Oh...boy is he ever jealous. He hates when other people flirt with you, and he’s not just going to stand there and let it happen. He’ll grab you and kiss you in front of anyone who thinks they can hit on you, watching to see if the person is reacting. He won’t go violent unless that person won’t let up.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

His kisses are soft and gentle, but when he’s aroused, they can be quite animalistic. He loves kissing you on the lips and the neck, sometimes he’ll bite down and leave love marks. He likes being kissed on the lips and his chest. It makes him feel so wanted.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Let’s just say, he isn’t the best around children(anyone remember how he treated Gohan?) Besides that, if you wanted children, he would probably make an effort to be more respectful and kind. He’s going to have to change that about himself if things get serious.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

You’d be wrapped up his arms as he slept in, leaving you to get up and cook him a huge breakfast. Once he wakes up, he’s going to give you a loving kiss on the top of your head and chow down immediately. After that, he’d love to take a shower with you and lounge around for a bit before doing anything.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

They are definitely wild. He likes to either go out and have fun with you, or stay in and have you all to himself. Let’s just say that he can be indulgent sometimes, and he won’t always want to be calm and collected. You can be assured that there’s always something involved.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Raditz would take some time before revealing everything. He’s not the most proud of his past, but he wants you to know the real him. He’s got some things on his chest that he’d like to talk about, but he’s got to trust you before he can really talk about anything.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He doesn’t have the best patience, but it is better than some people(*cough* Vegeta *cough*) He tries not to get too angry at things, but he can be a little irrational sometimes. He needs you to keep him grounded most times.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Raditz would make sure to remember the important things about you, like your favorite things and your birthday. Besides that, he’s not going to remember every little detail. He likes to keep things simple and not overcrowd his brain with meaningless stuff.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

His favorite memory is when he got really hurt in a fight, and you ran to his side to make sure he was okay. While he was a little embarrassed, he loved the fact that you cared for him so much. You took him home and nursed him back to health, making him realize how much you meant to him.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

You can be assured that Raditz would protect you from anything. He’ll put his life on the line if he has to. You’re the most important thing to him, and he’ll fight for his honor and yours. On the flip side, he’d be pretty embarrassed if you tried to protect him. He would secretly love it though.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Raditz would love it if you planned the dates, but he’ll try the bare minimum if he’s got a decent idea about it. He loves you lots, but he’s not the biggest for romance. He wants you to have a good time, so he’ll let you decide a lot for those things.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He eats a lot, and he can be a slob. No one really taught him to pick up after himself, so it’s not always the nicest for your place when he comes over.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Raditz can be pretty vain, and he does care about how he looks. He knows you love how sexy he is, and that you love his long hair. He takes care of how he looks when he’s around you.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He wouldn’t want to admit it, but when you aren’t there he feels very sad and miserable. He feels pretty incomplete without you. He needs you there to cheer him on and make sure he knows he’s loved.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Raditz love is when you whisper sweet things to him. Hearing your voice say something in his ear is so good. He gets tingles up and down his spine. It turns him on.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He wouldn’t like it if his partner tried to compare him to someone else, unless it was a comparison that made him look good. He does his best to treat you right and make you happy, so he doesn’t want you looking at other people.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Raditz is definitely a violent sleeper. He tosses and turns a lot. He probably snores a little too if he’s exhausted.

#raditz #reader requested #writing #dbz #dragon ball #sfw alphabets #raditz sfw alphabets #dragon ball sfw alphabets

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rurifangirl · 3 years

Note

aight. here somes the ask lore thingie

tw for ppl readin: mention of mental illness, father mention

firstly, how did rui end up meetin the rest of the gang? did they all have sum sort of run in? did they just happen to meet on exident?

also is the father a villain? i remember ya mention him, and was wonderin

and do they have a specific place where they stay? like in a dormstory, a single house, do they live in a single town, or in completly different places?

do any of them suffer from mental/physical illnesses? if they do, how does it affect their life/relationships w others?

Aight, so here we go, be ready cuz shit's long.

(1st part - The Rui n the gang meeting; The Shou meeting) No Tw

Honestly, I also kinda wanted to do this for quite a long time, so I'm gonna firstly talk about how the gang (w/o really mentioning the others name's since they're gonna get introduced soon) met itself and decided to form, and then I'll individually do It in Lyva's and Shou's case, specifically Shou's since i mentioned that his meetin was somethin id have to take care of in another post, so i will rn.

First things first, w the whole gang. Now It wasn't really casually, mainly because Lyva n Rui did meet up, but It was during a special occasion still, that being a really important manifestation in one of the main regions in my oc universe. (They don't have name's yet so pls don't bash me🤡) Them being primarly the Forest, where Rui eventually lives in after all of his past shit, the near-countryside part, where Lyva was living, a pretty much city living on water, where Shou's currently living, and many more, as such the dunes with which I'll introduce Qiran (hopefully tomorrow/today),The sea itself, some High up places and as I said many, many other more. Other than this brief intro, they meet up where Lyva used to live, but mainly because of problems and out of conviniance.

Everyone had something to take back from, so they agreed to help eachother to reach that end, so it's all really planned. Now i won't really go w Lyva, cuz i explained how she met Rui the first time n how they helped her, so I don't need to ramble more on this. Now I'm gonna go w Shou's part though.

This Is more of a note i wanted y'all to know first, cuz i really like how Lyva n Rui met him the first time (cuz the second time was when the gang then all agreed to form n all that jazz.). Basically, Rui n Lyva were out, n visiting new places as such, to prepare themselves further and to try and search for more weapons, cuz they both knew that they'd eventually get in trouble, and even though they still are good, they wouldn't stand much a chance, n since Shou's Place is known for its production they decided to go. N fun fact, there's many funny shit that happends, for example Rui tries to touch a fish, but gets SLAPPED by It. They're still mad >:[. Ajkskdj anyways, some other stuff happends n they just, lose themselves. They had a map ofc but still managed to do so. But Rui was usin It so, I don't really blame em for gettin lost.

Shit happends n they find themselves pratically in front of his shrine/palace. Shou's servitors (cuz he saw everything happend from afar n gave them the okay) brought em in, but rather than makin em idk some tea n just making them recouver, Shou rather put them under some "tests" w/o tellin em, to see if they were any use.

For example he brought them some cups of tea, but before drinking them Rui noticed somethin unusual in the water, so they gave Lyva a sign to not drink It, n as Shou asked as a reason why they just replied that they weren't thirsthy, leavin Shou in a kind of defeated state. Bitch if i love this part honestly, there's so much fun to seein all of their reactions, but I'm gonna go brief rn. So other of this tests pass later n Shou eventually gets upset cuz they're all winnin n seemingly makin fun of him, lettin him in a weaket standpoint, n a fight happends. Even though it's a 2v1 situation he can still manage pretty well, so It ends in a draw. They get to talk after this and get to understand that they don't have to necesseraly be on the opposite side, though Shou Is still unsure whether to belive in that or not.

After they leave him, pratically almost alone w only a bunch of servitors helpin him. He admits defeat n won't show up until the event and yadayada. (Also it's during this weak time of his he'll meet Qiran which i already have plans w so it's all goin to be said bout their relationship in their post.)

(2nd part, the father mention.) Tw:father mention

So it's true that w Shou i did mention his father, but I'm not entirely sure bout his involvment honestly. In theory he kind of is a villain itself, even because of his devilish nature, so it's true, but im not sure whether to make him an independent villain or part of a group of them. But rather than that yes, i do want to make him some sort of villain in the end, because that's also part of Shou's agreement to be part of the group. I will make concept art for him so he'll definetly be involved. Not gonna lie, mabye that bastards also involved w Rui's cult too in a way or another but im givin in too many details holy shit I'll never get outta this fuck

(3rd part- where do they live) No Tw

They live in their own homes honestly, but It would be no surprise if they'd all decide to sleep over someone in specifical, though they have their own place. I made some concepts for Rui's intern home, which here It Is 😤 (forgive me for the bad quality but it's 2 am rn 🤡) I made this a while ago but only did Rui's, so I'll do Lyva's, Shou's n the other one's too. They live in different places, for the exception of, atm, Qiran, since I'm gonna say that they're more of a traveller n don't have a stable home.

(4th part- the mental/physical ilnesses) Tw: Self harm and Mental ilness mention

Well, this Is gonna be a ride. They all suffer from Ptsd, which Rui n Shou suffering from It the most. It still affects them all, though in different occasions, so Imma just do them in specifical. (Also because i gotta add some shit to shou that i didn't wanna add because i thought It was too much honestly)

Rui-

It affects them really much. They use crystals n gems to avoid anything going w their past or anything remotely related It, as whenever they feel awful about havin those flashbacks when they still were a child. They never want to talk about what happened, n during their moments It gets really, really bad. Both emotionally and physically, as their body sometimes cannot handle anything so it completely shuts down. They never really got any help for It as Rui's too scared to share bout their experience, both because of trauma itself that doesn't make them say anything even if they wanted to and because of the cults influence, so either way they've got to handle It by their own.

Lyva-

Other than havin to deal w mornin sickness, which Is the least for her, she has to deal w her neglectful childood and how desperate she's always been for litteraly anythin, whether it's related about love,friendship, food, toys, anything. She tried to seek for help and semi found It, but as of now she can't keep up w It and has better things to take care of. It's still really bad overall, but she's hoping for things to get better. Spoiler It really won't.

Shou-

⭕Tw for sh⭕

It's... really fucking bad. I'm gonna get outta this w saying something i didn't want to add because it's really triggerin, but im gonna do It now. So basically, I've mentioned them acting feminenly for his own mother, but i didn't say what would've happened if he displeased her. She would just stare down at him and whispering some awful shit or names. This would happen especially whenever he'd slip off that mask of his or revealed even a tiny bit of his devilish essence. Note that he's still a child here. So, best thing he could to was to "punish" himself, which basically consists of him scratching his arms too much and, i don't really want to continue this, forgive me but it's kind of triggering even for me. But...you can guess what he's doing, since he even to this day still keeps sharp nails. I'm sorry for putting this, but it's another way to show how his mother fucked him up and now suffering from this.

I'm sorry for rushin the last part but i'm not personally vibing w it.

Tags undercut

@a-chaotic-dumbass @spoopy-fish-writes @dopesaladlady @damnfoxx (I'm really unsure bout taggin ya in this ;-;)

If you want your tag removed, dm me cuz it's 3 am at the moment n i may have messed em up. (I'm not gonna recheck tomorrow so that's why)

#whdkkwkwkdk honestly I've written so fucjing much n for what😭😭#ruruasks #rurusocs #ruruslore #oc #ocs #my ocs stuff #rui #Lyva #shou #oc lore #i hope this shit doesn't flop cuz I've written so much n im just goinwbdjlwkdjdowodijqowodjdjoaodjdjdj #asks

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writingpitcheswearingpearls · 4 years

Text

Nothing Says Soulmates More Than Sharing a Soul: Chapter 13

Ao3 Link

Once out of Danny’s body, Phantom found himself hyperventilating and his vision fading to black around the edges. This was it; the moment of truth. He was about to find out what Danny thought of him now that he’d seen his true colours.

“W-What just happened?” The sound of Tuckers voice got Phantom to turn and face him, which the ghost immediately regretted. Standing in front of Phantom with clenched fists and a heaving chest was Danny. There was so much pain and anger in his eyes, Phantom couldn’t help but immediately burst into tears.

“Danny, I –”

“Get out! I don’t want to see you!” Danny cut in with a furious growl. Phantom’s eyes widened with fear. He tried to say something, anything, but all he could let out was a pathetic whimper before turning and flying away as fast as he could.

As he frantically flew over the town, he felt pure dread fill his entire being. His absolute worst fear had been founded. Danny hated him the second he knew the truth, and now he’s lost the most important person in his life. Not only that, but he’s lost everyone else that’s important to him too. After all, it wouldn’t make sense for anyone to pick him over Danny. They’d only ever been there for him because they were under the impression that he was the friend they knew and loved, not some stranger who didn’t even have a clue who he really was.

Not being able to think clearly, Phantom flew straight back to Danny’s room and collapsed onto Danny’s bed, curling in on himself as he sobbed into the pillow that so painfully smelled of Danny. He knew he shouldn’t be there, but he had no idea where he was meant to go and it was the only place he felt safe. He figured as long as he left before Danny got back, there wouldn’t be any trouble.

“Danny? Are you back?”

At the sound of Jazz’s voice, Phantom choked on a sob. He somehow needed her and couldn’t handle the idea of talking to her. Immediately, Jazz burst into the room and rushed to him, apparently hearing him through the wall. She sat next to him and began giving frantic, yet still soothing strokes up and down his back.

“Danny! Are you hurt? What happened?” She asked in a panicked tone. At the sound of the name she called him by, he let out a small moan of distress and curled further into himself.

We haven’t told her yet…She still thinks I’m him.

“I- I’m not…” He tried to say through his sobbing, but the pain and fear attached to what he was trying to say made it all that much harder to let out.

“It’s okay. You can tell me anything, little brother.” She encouraged in a gentle voice full of protective feelings and love that he didn’t deserve. Finally, he found the strength to push himself up and back away from her touch.

“That’s just it! I’m not your little brother!” He exclaimed, bringing his arms close to his body and digging his nails into his biceps. It was all he could do to stop the frost that was building around him from spreading any further and hurting Jazz. He wanted to look up to see her reaction, but he couldn’t bring himself to.

“Don’t say that –”

“But it’s true! I was never actually Danny! I’m just some pathetic ghost that latched itself onto him, leeching off his memories and his friendships! Now you know the truth, you’ll want me gone too!” He cried out, lifting his hands to his face to clench his hairline.

“Phantom…” She said softly, before her hands wrapped around his to pull them away from his face.

“Please look at me. I… I already knew that you weren’t Danny.” That made him look at her.

“What? But then why did you call me that earlier?” He questioned with eyes wide with shock.

“It was a reflex, sorry. Having thought of you as Danny for four years, it will be hard to get used to the truth, even though I’ve had a couple of days to wrap my head around it. The point is that I know you’re not Danny, but I also know that nothing else you said was true.” She explained with a serious, yet empathetic expression. He opened his mouth to protest but was cut off when she raised her hand to gesture that she wasn’t done.

“You talk about yourself like some sort of malicious parasite, but that isn’t true at all. You’re a hero and the last thing I’d call you was pathetic!” She reassured. Phantom shook his head and looked away.

“You can’t know that. I have no idea what type of person I was before Danny, so who’s to say that fusing with him wasn’t intentional?” Phantom argued. The room was silent, and Phantom was afraid that what he’d said had convinced her.

“When that alternate future version of you fused with Vlad’s ghost, did he immediately go evil?” She asked.

Fuck, she thinks I’m going to go evil!

“I- I think so. I’m not sure.” He answered, shaking from how fast his core was pulsing with panic. He risked a look at her, only to become shocked to find her smiling.

“Great. So it stands to reason that when somebody fuses with an evil ghost, they are influenced to take on those evil traits. When Danny fused with you, he didn’t become evil, he became a hero. What do you think that says about who you were?” She explained with a confident tone that she reserved for when she was pretty sure she just won an argument. To Phantom’s confusion, it may have been warranted. He couldn’t find a way to argue with what she said. The calm only lasted a moment before he remembered the last time he spoke to Danny.

“Well, just because I didn’t go in a shit person, doesn’t mean I’m not a shit person now. You don’t know what I’ve done since separating from Danny.” He redirected. Her brow quirked in confusion.

“It can’t be that bad.”

“The second Danny found out, he never wanted to see me again.” Jazz blanched at his statement, visibly taken aback by it.

“What? That can’t be right. He wouldn’t –”

“But he did! He was everything to me and now that he hates me I’ve got nothing!” Phantom cried out, frost flashing out of him and spreading around the room, causing Jazz to flinch and jump up from the bed in shock.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that!” He apologised quickly, nearly reaching for her before thinking better of it. Jazz looked around the room at the ice damage, breath slowing down.

“It’s okay Phantom, you just surprised me. I’m not hurt. Has this been happening a lot?” She eventually said. Phantom groaned as he dragged his hands down his face.

“Yes. I can’t control my powers properly, especially my ice core. Danny has been helping me, but… without him I don’t think I’ll be safe around people anymore.” He admitted. The only place safe for him would probably be the Far Frozen. Frostbyte would surely take him in, even if he’s only half of “The Great One”. Jazz sighed, before sitting on the bed again.

“Phantom, I’m one hundred percent certain that if you just talk it out with Danny, you’ll find that he doesn’t hate you. That being said… spending some time away from him might be a good thing.” Phantom’s eyes snapped back to her, scared by what she’d said.

Is she telling me to leave?

Something about his expression must have told Jazz to realise what he was thinking, as her eyes widened and she suddenly raised her hands into a gesture that read “I mean no harm”.

“I’m not telling you to leave! I’m just saying that if you do leave, it may be good for you. It’s clear that you’re extremely dependant on Danny, so spending time away from him could help you develop as an individual and self-regulate.” She clarified. Phantom felt his shoulders drop, not realising that he had hunched them in the first place as he thought about what she said. Those sounded like things he wanted, but the idea of being separated from Danny for a long time gave him an uncomfortable tightness in his chest.

“In any case, you should wait until you talk to Danny before deciding anything. If you’re wrong about how he feels it will feel awful to leave with such a painful misunderstanding lingering between you. If you’re right, you’ll regret leaving without a proper chance to apologise and reconcile.” Jazz added on, bringing his attention back to her. The smile she gave him was warm and understanding, which he found deeply relieving.

“Thanks Jazz. For the advice… and for still caring about me even though I’m not your brother.” Phantom thanked sincerely, hoping his tone conveyed how deeply he meant those words. For a moment, Jazz’s eyes watered, before she suddenly lunged at him and pulled him into a hug.

“Listen closely Phantom, because if you don’t, I’m going to have to repeat it until it gets into that ectoplasmic skull of yours. Just because you aren’t Danny does not mean you aren’t my brother! You have been a part of my family for the past four years and that doesn’t end just because we aren’t blood related, you hear?!” She declared, voice shaking with emotion. Phantom couldn’t help but cry as he wrapped his arms around her back and clung desperately to his big sister.

“Dude, are you okay?” Tucker’s words cut through the tense silence. Danny turned to him and took in the concerned expressions of his two best friends. He groaned as he turned back away, too emotional to make eye contact with either of them.

“Not really.” He admitted lowly. So many emotions were bubbling inside him at that moment. Anger, betrayal, embarrassment, but mostly confusion. He wasn’t even sure confusion was an emotion, but he sure was feeling it.

“Did you want to talk about it?” Sam asked cautiously.

“Yeah, what the hell happened back there?” Tucker chimed in, voice raising in confusion. Normally, he would have loved to fill his friends in on what happened, but to do that he would have had to have processed what happened, and he did not want to do that any time soon.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Danny growled bluntly, hoping his anger would mask his fear.

“But –”

“Drop it, Tucker. He’ll talk about it when he’s ready.” Sam cut in. She offered Danny a supportive smile, which he tried to reflect back weakly.

“Fine, topic dropped. What do we want to do now, if we’re avoiding dealing with our problems?” Tucker relented. Danny was almost stunned for a moment. If he had told his fourteen-year-old self that Sam would be the one enabling him not to process his feelings and Tucker would be the vaguely more responsible one, he would have gotten a laugh and a “good one, Amorpho” from him, before immediately getting attacked. The thought made him chuckle lowly, before thinking of how to answer his friend’s question.

With everything he was feeling, he wanted nothing more but to distract himself from what had just transpired between him and Phantom. He was even willing to do something he had been avoiding doing ever since he became a hero.

“Is it too soon to go to Mikey’s party? I really just need to get drunk right now.” Danny asked, finally turning to face his friends. Tucker snorted out a short laugh.

“It won’t start for another couple of hours, and it won’t be cool to show up for another few.” He answered matter-o-factly. Danny groaned. He should have realised. Years of not being able to go to parties really made him a complete novice at them. Seeing his disappointment, Sam stepped closer to Danny with an encouraging smile.

“If you wanted something to do while we wait for the party, we could have drinks at my house and play video games.” She suggested.

“Pre-drinking before a house party? Wow, we are finally acting like real teenagers!” Tucker cheered enthusiastically. Danny put on a grin, hoping it conveyed his gratefulness to both his friends, while concealing the feelings he desperately wanted to ignore.

After sneaking into Sam’s parents’ liquor cabinet and several rounds of Ultimate Mecha Strike III that got progressively worse the more the trio drank, Tucker finally announced that it was fashionably late enough to show up at the party.

Sneaking more booze into their bags, the three of them took off on foot towards Mikey’s house, which was luckily only a short distance from Sam’s estate. Being in the same part of the neighbourhood, Danny really shouldn’t have been surprised by how nice Mikey’s house was. Not as intense as Sam’s “old money” mansion, but still quite fancy.

“Wow, drunk Danny sure is interested in architecture.” Tucker commented teasingly.

“Oh shit, was I talking out loud?” Danny asked, immediately being answered by two grinning nods.

Before they could knock on the front door, it swung open to reveal a red-faced Mikey with a wide, excited smile.

“Danny! You came!” He exclaimed far louder than necessary. Tucker cleared his throat.

“We’re here too, y’know.” He grumbled, making Danny and Sam giggle. Mikey took a big step back and gestured for them to enter.

“Come on in! If you brought drinks, you’re best to put them in the fridge now if they need it. We’re running out of room fast!” He advised, before wandering off at the sound of someone shouting his name from the other room.

Standing in the doorway, Danny felt his heart racing. Here he was, at a real-life high school party that he was invited to. He was drunk and without a care in the world, with no responsibilities or ghosts to worry about –

Suddenly, the thought of ghost brought a vision of beautiful green eyes to his mind. He shook the thought out of his head, before pacing further into the house to find something to distract him.

“Hey! It’s Fenton!” Turning to face the sound of the voice, he saw Kwan and a group of footballers gathering around a ping pong table. The rosy tint in Kwan’s cheeks and the delighted smile brought a warm feeling in Danny’s stomach. Before the jock could even gesture for him to come over, Danny found himself gravitating in his direction.

“You up for some beer pong? You can be on my team!” Kwan offered. Danny chuckled.

“Sure, but I’m warning you that I am already pretty drunk, so my aim is probably shit.” He warned, winning a light laugh from the group of jocks.

“All good, bro! That just means an even playing field!” A footballer he couldn’t remember the name of called out, words slurring together slightly.

Danny turned to ask Sam and Tucker if they wanted to play, to find that they had only just caught up to him.

“Do you guys want to play?” He asked. Sam rolled her eyes.

“Ugh, no thank you. I hate beer, and they probably don’t have a vegan friendly one, either.” She replied. Danny did a double take.

“Wait, beer can be not vegan? How?” He asked, very confused. Before she could answer, Danny felt himself being pushed toward the ping pong table by Tucker.

“Come on dude. You know she won’t stop once she gets started.” With a shrug, Danny returned his focus to the group of footballers.

“Alright, let’s do this! Now… how do you play?”

Danny wasn’t sure how, but he managed to be insanely good at beer pong, quickly annihilating Tucker and the other team and winning an uproar in cheers from his own team.

Learning how to aim while losing blood must have been good training for this very moment.

Busy chuckling at his own thoughts, Danny was caught off guard when he was suddenly swept into a bear hug by Kwan.

“That was legendary, bro! Seriously, is there nothing I can say to convince you to join the football team?” The boy gushed, ruffling a hand through Danny’s hair and messing it up even further.

“Yeah, especially considering sign ups are well and truly over and this is our final year?” Danny replied, not sure whether to return the hug or not. The contact certainly felt nice, but there was something this was just… off about it. Maybe it was the fact that Kwan seemed to be running hot too, so there was no cooling relief like when he was holding Phanto –

No. He wasn’t letting himself think about him. It hurt too much.

“Oh, right. My bad.” Kwan laughed, pulling away from Danny. He had to admit that the jock was quite handsome, and the glistening of his sweat was weirdly mesmerising.

“Wow, dude. You sure are hot.”

“WHAT?” Danny exclaimed, not sure if his line of thinking had made him hallucinate hearing that or if it had actually happened. Kwan laughed again.

“I meant your temperature, bro. Are you coming down with something?” At that question, Tucker jumped into the conversation, wrapping an arm around his best friend.

“Nah, he’s fine. He’s just running warm because of his growth spurt, that’s all.” Tucker explained, with a dismissive wave of his hand.

“That checks out. You did seem to fit four years of growing into like, three days. Why don’t you have one of my rum and cokes to cool down? They’re in the fridge door!” Kwan offered, before waving and wondering back to the footballers.

“Danny, are you alright? You really are burning up…” Tucker commented, voice laced with concerned. Danny sighed before slinking out from under Tucker’s arm and stomping towards the kitchen.

“Look, I don’t want to talk about how I’m feeling, I just want to drink until I can’t feel my fingers, okay?” If he couldn’t feel his fingers, maybe he wouldn’t remember how Phantom felt underneath them. Maybe he wouldn’t want to run them through his ghostly hair and relish in how soft it was.

“Whoa, take it easy, okay buddy? I don’t want you getting hurt.” Tucker advised; voice laced with concern. While Danny appreciated that Tucker cared, he was in no mood to be lectured, so he ignored the warning and continued his path towards the fridge and grabbed one of Kwan’s cans. When he was halfway through downing it, revelling in the cooling sensation, he heard a sigh come from his friend.

“I’m going to go find Sam. I think I need her help with this.” He admitted reluctantly. Danny huffed with indignation.

“Fine, go get her. Neither of you will be able to stop me from having fun tonight.” He scoffed. Hearing a surprising chuckle from a new voice, Danny pivoted suddenly toward the source of the sound to see Spike leaning in the doorway.

“Damn, Danny. I am loving your new look on you. Have you ever thought about eye liner? I think it would look awesome on you.” Spike commented, eyes tracing up and down Danny. For a moment, the blue-eyed boy shivered under the gaze, before offering a non-committal shrug.

“Come with me, I’m going to put some on you now.” With that, the punk boy had grabbed Danny’s free arm and tugged him towards what looked like an entertainment room, before pushing Danny onto a fairly large couch and stepping out of view. Quickly he returned with a bag and was pulling out an eyeliner pencil. Any concerns about getting pink eye from sharing the pencil immediately evaporated the second Spike perched himself on Danny’s lap. The pressure gave him an instant flashback to the times Phantom was in his lap.

“Sorry, this is just the easiest way to do this.” Spike apologised, a blush rising in his cheeks.

“I bet you say that to all the boys.” Danny was pleased with the laugh that quip won from the punk boy. Quickly, Spike stilled again and continued drawing along Danny’s lash line.

“With lines like that, it’s no wonder Punny Phantom chose you.” Danny couldn’t help but stiffen at the mention of Phantom. Spike leaned back to look at his work, only to frown as he noticed something.

“Uh oh, did something happen between the two of you?” At the punk’s concerned question, Danny groaned and realised that he must have been grimacing.

“Sort of? I don’t want to talk about it.” He mumbled, looking down and away from the boy in his lap. Suddenly, a hand pressed lightly into his cheek and turned his face back up to Spike.

“Hey…if you ever want to talk, or not talk… I’m here.” The punk boy offered, eyes lilting on the words “not talk”.

As Spike leaned closer in towards Danny’s face, it occurred to Danny that the guy might be into him. He was going slow, seeming to give Danny an opportunity to stop him. Feeling his heart rate increase, he wasn’t sure if he wanted him to stop or not. The guy was pretty cute and he seemed like a decent enough person having calmed down a lot from their freshman year, but there was something missing.

Before Danny had to make a decision, the door to the room slammed open, causing both boys to jolt in shock. Peering around Spike, Danny saw a very drunk Sam standing in the threshold, hand still on the door with an angry expression on her face.

“I have to go.” Spike said abruptly, scrambling off of Danny’s lap and pushing past Sam, revealing that she had Tucker and Starr behind her.

“What were you doing in here?” Sam asked with a scowl. Danny gulped nervously, not sure what he did wrong.

“Spike was putting eye liner on me. Do you like it?” He replied, hoping his nervous smile would be enough to smooth out her agitated mood. Sam narrowed her eyes, as she scrutinised his appearance, before a strong blush spread across her cheeks.

“Y-Yes.” She mumbled. For a few moments an awkward silence hung in the air, as Danny waited for anyone to say anything. Eventually, Starr groaned before pushing Sam toward Danny.

“For crying out loud, I thought you were going to confess, not stare awkwardly at him.” The blonde complained. Sam hissed lowly, her blush getting ten times worse as she staggered toward him. Danny was thrown off by what Starr had said.

“Confess? Do you mean like, to murder, or…?” He asked cautiously, trailing off when Sam stopped right in front of him. Either way, he was nervous for whatever she was going to say. She opened and shut her mouth a few times, before scrunching her face up and turning back towards Starr and Tucker.

“I can’t do this! It’s too hard!” She complained, earning an eye roll from them both. Seeing how distressed she was, Danny reached forward and took Sam’s hand gently, the touch getting her to whip back around to face him.

“You don’t have to be nervous, Sam. You’re one of my best friends; you can tell me anything and I’ll still want to be your friend.” He tried to reassure. Unfortunately it seemed to fail, as she let out a frustrated groan.

“That’s the problem! I’ve always just been a friend, but I don’t want to be!” She exclaimed almost angrily. Danny couldn’t helped but flinch, releasing her hand as he leaned away from her.

“Y-You don’t want to be friends with me anymore?” He asked, feeling tears begin to well in his eyes. The groan from every person in the room was Danny’s only warning, before Sam suddenly dropped herself onto his lap and pull herself in to his body until their lips met in an intense connection. It was at this point it clicked for Danny that Sam had romantic feelings for him.

As she gripped tightly into his shoulders with one hand and raked through his hair with the other, he took the moment to contemplate how the situation made him feel. He knew he should feel amazing; Sam was beautiful and someone he was very close with, not to mention the crush he’d had on her for the past four years. Theoretically, this was everything he should want and he should be satisfied.

The only problem? He couldn’t feel any of that. He tried kissing her back. He tried smoothing his hands over her waist. He even tried grinding into her. Nothing. Frustrated, he pulled away from her and groaned as he slapped himself in the face and leaned back into the couch.

“Ugh! What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just do this?” He mumbled, tears welling in his eyes. Why couldn’t his body react like it had with Phantom? Or even how he’d felt a minute ago with Spike in this same position. A scoff brought his attention back to the girl in front of him.

“I can’t be that bad at kissing.” Sam grumbled, crossing her arms defensively.

“Sam, I don’t think you did anything wrong. He’s just gay.” Starr interjected before Danny could open his mouth.

“What? No, I’m bi. I’ve had feelings for girls before, I swear! I even had a crush on Sam for like, four years! I don’t know why I’m ruining this!” Danny cried out. The irritated look in Sam’s eyes melted into one of sympathy as she slid off of Danny’s lap to sit next to him.

“It’s okay Danny. Sexual orientation can change, and crushes fade. I’m just sad I missed my chance.” She reassured, taking his hand comfortingly.

“But how did it change so fast? I swear a week ago Tucker caught me with a boner when you were picking up litter in a mini skirt.” Danny argued, before breaking eye contact with Sam to look at Tucker, pleading with his face for his friend to back him up. Seeing the thoughtful expression on his face made Danny’s stomach sink.

“Danny… I think those might have been Phantom’s feelings.” At the sound of Tucker mentioning the name, it all made sense. He’d always assumed he only started getting interested in girls after the accident because he’d only just reached that part of puberty, but what if it was because Phantom was the one who was attracted to girls? It would certainly explain why he hadn’t felt anything for any girls since they split. A weight lifted off of Danny, from both understanding himself better, and for the knowledge that Phantom was just as much in control when they were fused as he was. He let out a relieved laugh.

“So I wasn’t controlling him this whole time! He still had free will!” He exclaimed happily. He couldn’t wait to tell the ghost the good news.

“Uh… now that we can mention him without you losing it, can you please explain what the fuck happened back at the library?” Tucker enquired, making his way deeper into the room and sitting on a recliner. Danny found himself off guard, suddenly remembering that he was mad at Phantom.

“Ugh, don’t even get me started! He full on let me believe I was this perverted asshole that didn’t deserve a chance with him, but no! Turns out he was only acting weird because he did have feelings for me and was too much of a coward to tell me the truth! If he had just told me he was awake when I kissed him in my sleep then I wouldn’t have spent this entire time agonising over what a bad person I was!” Danny complained. As he spoke, it became very clear to him that the entire time he’d spent with Phantom as separate people, he’d been repressing his own feelings for the ghost to the point of almost being unaware of them. Seeing gears turn in Sam’s mind, he waited for her to speak.

“So, the problem was that he didn’t make it clear how he felt, which made you feel like he couldn’t love you?” Sam questioned, to which Danny nodded emphatically in response.

“Right… and how is that any different to what you are doing now?” She continued, stopping Danny dead in his tracks.

“W-Wait, what?”

“Come on dude, you had a look inside his mind and the first thing you did was tell him to fuck off, essentially. As if that didn’t tell him you aren’t interested. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if he thought you never wanted to see him again at all!” Tucker explained, rolling his eyes. Danny felt his own eyes widen with realisation and despair.

“Shit! I only meant I need space to cool down while I was mad at him! He probably thinks that I hate him! What if he runs away to the Ghost Zone? I have to go home and tell him the truth!” Danny exclaimed in a panic, before jolting to his feet and dashed out of the room.

“What the fuck was that all about?” was the last thing he heard from the room before he darted his way through the house and back onto the street.

Thanks to his increased speed and endurance, the sprint home was in record time, and luckily he had managed to sober up in that time. He wanted to talk to Phantom with as clear a mind as he could, so that he could tell Phantom how he felt without there being any more confusion between them. As silently as he could, he opened the front door. Luckily, he could hear his parents tinkering away frantically in the lab, so he didn’t have to worry about them slowing him down. Unable to slow his heart rate down as he climbed up the stairs, he focused on slowing his breathing and on what he was going to say.

“Don’t worry Phantom! I don’t think you’re a pervert! I’d probably watch you shower, if given the opportunity.” No, no, no… that doesn’t sound right. Just keep it simple and say you don’t hate him!

Figuring that was a good place to start, he took one last deep breath before opening the door to his bedroom.

To find it empty.

Disappointed, Danny walked into the room and looked around. The only sign that anyone had been in here since they’d left earlier today was that the computer was now on. He paced over to the screen to see a folder open with a single video file in it labelled “Goodbye Danny”. Nervously, he tapped on the file and the video began playing. On screen, Phantom was stepping away from the screen and steadying his breath before looking straight into the camera. It broke Danny's heart to be able to tell that he'd been crying.

“Hey Danny. By the time you’ll be watching this, I’ll have already gone into the Ghost Zone. I know Jazz said I should wait to talk to you before I go, but I think seeing you would hurt too much. When you told me to leave, I didn’t know who I would be without you. I… I need to be someone on my own, but I can’t do that if I stay with you. When I feel like I’m ready, I’ll come back to see you. But I’m not sure how long that will take, or if I’ll still feel the same way about you. I just want you to know that I’m sorry for what I did, and I’m sorry I let you down. I hope you find someone who deserves you. Goodbye Danny.”

With that, the video ended on Phantom leaning forward to stop recording, and Danny found himself as frozen as the frame on screen.

He was too late; Phantom had left him.

#Danny Phantom #danny fenton #danny fenton x danny phantom #danny fenton/danny phantom #fan fiction #pitch pearl #pitchpearl

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