#which i'm pretty sure are different people

[meanbossart]

Ask compilation: I'm Starting To Think That This Drow Guy Is Kind Of An Asshole Edition.

Probably a Ranger in the hunter subclass. I actually intended to multi-class him as fighter/ranger at some point and make that his official class, but I haven't had time/quite figured out the best build that would still suit him - Ranger makes a LOT of sense with his backstory, arguably more than fighter, but he's still supposed to be a magic-less brick-house with 19 strength who hasn't handled a bow and arrow in 10 years, so I'm not sure where that leaves us LOL

A lot of people have suggested that Berserk Barbarian would fit him well, but I think that implies a lot of other characteristics that do NOT suit him at all so 🤷

HE DIDN'T EVEN GO TO THE CRECHE, and honestly it made the game feel much more immersive to pick one path and stick to it like Halsin suggested, even if I did have to endure the shadow cursed lands without the shiny mace 😂

Probably for the best, it'd be a real shame if the story ended there just because he didn't like Vlaakith's attitude.

But yeah Lae'zel (who, for the record, I adore) never stood a chance in his playthrough. Sorry baby girl.

I'm either uninformed or we have different definitions of what constitutes a crush, but sure I'll play in this space LOL

He's both jealous but also kind of aloof when it comes to things like that. It's yet another symptom of his arrogance, where it seems unfathomable that anyone who has him would be genuinely tempted by someone else. He doesn't mind a normal amount of glance-stealing and flattery, even playful flirting to a degree, but if there's persistence or if his partner seems to seek another person out for things he thinks he should be providing, he feels threatened.

Also, he has a difficult time discerning that "deep emotional connection" does not equal "romantic interest". So, at least immediately after the events of the game, he's more likely to be made insecure by his partners forming deep bonds with others than any throwaway expression of physical desire or fleeting infatuation.

[MORE UNDER THE CUT]

Let me preface this with the (hopefully unnecessary) disclaimer that this murderous dark-elf's opinions are not my own, and that I very much purposefully made a bit of an asshole character because I find that entertaining.

And now that you're hopefully primed for what's coming - DU drow is pretty damn judgemental of people's looks save for the rare times when they give him a good impression right off the bat. He notes people's appearances and makes preemptive assumptions about them without even realizing it. He definitely does not equal beauty to value or prowess (in fact he will very much still mock of you if you seem too concerned with your appearance) but he does prescribe things based on looks.

I don't think he'd take issue with what you're describing, It sounds like a pretty average body, but he would assume that person is weaker and less fit to "keep up with him", basically. Which kind of diminishes interest.

As far as to what he finds immediately attractive, he definitely prefers people who seem physically fit (not more than himself though - gods forbid). But, the caveat to this whole tangent is that once you get past initial impressions, he could definitely come to be sexually attracted to pretty much any type of body attached to the person he's in love with.

Thank you! There was no main event, just the building up of resentment over time and the opportunity she saw opening up when the Chosen's plan came into motion. She definitely didn't always hate him though, they had a fairly close relationship until his obsessive behavior and arrogance became an issue.

Thank you!!!

They call him the/that drow, dark elf, or "big drow" if there's more than one present. In private they might facetiously call him Bhaalspawn if they get tired of referring to him by race.

I'll be honest, I forgot whether or not I found it in his playthrough LOL but if he did stumble across that would be VERY funny. He'd be like "look at these idiots and their fake murder god. What kind of dimwit would worship carnage as a religion. Hey Shadowheart get a load of this-"

HAPPY YOU ENJOY HIM! I think his unique situation overall with having been such a overwhelmingly horrid person and forgetting all about it is my favorite bit. That's kind of vague, I know, but I often think of dreams I've had where I committed a crime or did something horrible, and that immediate feeling of relief and disconnect that follows immediately after waking up. That's kind of what I imagine it's like for him - he knows of the things he did, but he doesn't really. In theory it's all true but that's a truth far too fantastical for anyone to conceptualize even if it's put right in front of your face.

That, tackling the guilt (or lack thereof) of something you genuinely don't feel like you've done and the intricacies of it, that's a fascinating state of mind to explore. I love how many directions you can take that.

For me, having a character who is not good, but is not necessarily pure unadulterated evil, makes for a lot of complex thought experiments and contradictory values. DU drow has a lot of those - things he believes and abides by absolutely except for this specific instance, being contradictory is a pillar of his character and it can be a little challenging to keep up with it - but I'd be lying if I said I don't deeply enjoy that aspect as well all the same.

THANK YOUUUU It took me so long to figure out how to draw Astarion in a way I liked, I'm so relieved that others enjoy it too 😂

Shockingly he did succeed it and was immediately put-off by it, lmao. They wouldn't really develop much of a relationship for a while after that, so at that point DU drow just figured he was trying to get something from him and wrote him off, much as he did with everyone else with the exception of Shadowheart.

He didn't meet her at the Tiefling grove! I didn't even know you could meet her before-hand for the longest time. But he did super, duper kill her at camp of course.

He managed to hide the body and everyone else was none the wiser, huge blood bhaal-sigil on the ground aside lmao. He was a little shocked but didn't feel all that bad about it, kind of resigning to that primal feeling of satisfaction at a job-well-done that overwhelmed him instead. He decided she was too weak to survive out there and he had just spared her the trouble.

[feroluce]

For some weird reason, I've always been fascinated by how wildly different Sampo operates in the Underground vs the Overworld.

Sampo is present in both places and even in official sources, he's not really counted as one side or the other- now that the theory has been confirmed in-game, he's generally just lumped in with the Masked Fools.

But there really is a big difference!

Probably the most obvious and well known instance of Sampo's...business practices *cough burglary and fraud COUGH* in the Overworld is from the Belobog Museum event. In it, you don't find out Sampo is the main culprit until near the end, because Pela has to set up a sting just to catch him in the act. And that sting is necessary all because the initial suspect they arrested, Norbert, had pretty much no idea of his partner's identity. Sampo wouldn't even speak to him face-to-face.

And whereas Sampo is normally very pleasant and friendly with the trailblazer...when he thinks he's talking to Norbert here, he straight up says that they are NOT friends. Like he really shuts that shit DOWN.

There's also an Overworld NPC, Chavez, who heads the "Dark Blue Scam Support Group." And he. Really really really does not like Sampo fjkdasjklfdj

Chavez clearly wants Sampo caught, and has literally no positive feelings about him. So. Why call it the Dark Blue Scam? Why not just out him by name? Chavez obviously doesn't give a single shit about Sampo's dignity or privacy. But he never once refers to him as "Sampo," and even the pamphlets he passes out make no mention of it. No one in the entire support group seems to know how to identify him or how to refer to him except by his hair color. If the trailblazer says his name, Chavez reacts as though he's never heard it before.

(I've seen people say this means Sampo Koski is an alias and not his real name? But Ray pointed this out, and honestly I agree; even the Fools call him Sampo, after all. I think it's just that Chavez never knew Sampo's name in the first place, and given his immense distrust, immediately assumes it's an alias.)

And then there's his characters stories, where he proceeds to pull off a heist in the Overworld while in disguise as Brughel Poisson the entire time. Literally his own stories don't mention Sampo's name even once.

So anyway, all this shows that when he's up in the Overworld working cons, Sampo is incredibly slippery and secretive about his identity. The only people who seem to know him are Pela, Serval, and Gepard. He doesn't get close to anyone else, and is even surprisingly unfriendly. Nobody knows his name. No one knows his face. He has zero qualms about backstabbing or double-crossing, and even plans for it in some cases.

Meanwhile, down in the Underground, I'm pretty sure literally the worst thing we hear of him doing is scalping tickets in front of the Fight Club. Which isn't even illegal in a lot of places (although it's certainly a dick move).

In Hook's companion quest, a vagrant miner steals Fersman's equipment and tries to sell it to Sampo. Even before the trailblazer and Hook jump in and out the vagrant as a thief, Sampo hesitates to buy it because it sounds like stolen goods, which he doesn't want any part of.

Even knowing that a geomarrow detector is rare and incredibly valuable in the mines, Sampo makes no attempt to double-cross Hook or profit off of her loss, and even tells her who to go to to get it fixed.

And my favorite example of Sampo in the Underground is the Survival Wisdom adventure mission. In it, Sampo starts up a business with Peak, another miner. And like. In wild contrast to all the cons he pulls above ground, Sampo is actually super nice and helpful here.

Just the same as with Hook's quest, Sampo talks to Peak face-to-face, with no disguises or barriers. When the trailblazer finds them, they're just in the Great Mine, no secretive meeting places. Peak knows Sampo, is familiar with him, and calls him by name. It's not even a con! There's nothing illegal going on; it really is just a business partnership. Peak is more than happy with their deal, he's even pretty enthusiastic about it, because thanks to Sampo he can now make enough money to get by while also accommodating his chronic fatigue.

The only person Sampo lies to in this whole ordeal is the trailblazer, who he manipulates into getting Peak's mining equipment back from the vagrants that stole it in the first place. And when it's done, he rewards them with a legit treasure map.

So when he's working in the Underground, Sampo is MUCH more upright and lawful. Part of this is probably to do with his "business" model- Sampo only takes advantage of the wealthy, and poverty runs rampant in the Underground. When he charges Peak an extra 30% (the same percentage he charges Norbert as a consultation fee in the museum heists- Sampo seems to go by percentage instead of a flat rate, which means his prices are more fair for lower incomes) for carelessly losing their supply, Peak literally starts counting out pocket change.

Dude's working for pennies and good will down there dknsmdmd

And you can twist this into a Robin Hood thing if you want- Sampo IS technically working to feed orphans and heal the sick. He says himself he's more than happy to make up the shortfall between the greedy and the marginalized- I mean he says it in the shadiest way possible, but I doubt the people benefiting from his work really care that he's a slimeball if it means they can survive another day. Even the two heists he pulls in his character stories are literally just him stealing absurd amounts of food.

Personally though I think it is solely because of Natasha, and Sampo is hilariously well-behaved specifically for her, because she keeps him on a short leash JSKZJMSMSKS

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - It's the Dog Days of BL Again

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

May 2024 Final Week

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Godday (Sat YT) ep 5 of 12 - The side couple is so damn pouty and adorable. So far as Yak and Dee are concerned, I love that they kept up with the cosplay stuff and didn’t just drop it as a one off. I'm just genuinely enjoying seeing how much fun they have together and watching them accidentally falling in love with each other and trying not to.

Linguistic corner!

I don’t normally watch any BTS stuff, but for reasons known only to my serotonin-seeking brain, I’ve been watching a few for this show. And I MUST talk about the way Great speaks Thai. It’s so different from all of the other Good GMMTV Boys. He’s way more casual. Not rude, but definitely not as formal or as polite as any of the actors around him. It’s difficult to describe but just LISTEN to the way he hops registers and pronouns pretty consistently. Sometimes in the same sentence. He even softens his polite particles. I've never heard an actor do that out of character. It’s fascinating. I wonder if it has to do with the fact that he is older (then most of his costars) and comes outta the Bangkok club scene, and was older when he joined GMMTV. Frankly, it’s the closest I’ve ever seen on TV to the way people actually talked in Bangkok. 

My Stand-In (Thai Fri iQIYI) ep 6 of 12 eps - honestly these two shows are neck and neck for my favorites running right now and Wandee got the edge because it left me smiling, but yesterday, Stand-In would have come out on top. Such a great show. It’s so sinister. So not romantic. Which makes me feel like... it's not really a BL. And, yet, I DO NOT CARE. Because I’m enjoying its little evil soul so much. “Poor Joe” is pretty much all that goes through my head the whole time I'm watching, and I'm enjoying poking at that pain.

We Are (Weds iQIYI) ep 9 of 16 - I love all of the 3rd wheels. Kluen is kinda great. And I’m not just saying that 'cause I have a crush on Title, it’s because Kluen is so open and genuine. (Unless they fuck up his character.) I even enjoyed the backstory for Fang and Tan. Honestly, the friendship group is the reason to watch this show, they’re great and funny, and make everything enjoyable. It’s a soap opera, like Only Friends, but gentle with its characters and us watchers. Which is what I really want from my BL. I don’t want all of this Friend Zone backstabbing bullpuckie. 

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) eps 1-2 of 12 - I like it, frankly more than I expected to. It’s a bit slow moving, but the characters are interesting and the dynamic of everybody living in the same house together is fun. I haven’t seen this style of housemates centered Thai BL in years. I identify FAR too closely with the crass-talking bug-killing pansexual. On a completely different note, I really hope Best and Seng have an NC scene together. Last week I would never have said that, but now I think they have good chemistry. Am I crazy?

Only Boo! (Sun YouTube) ep 8 of 12 - They are sickeningly sweet boyfriends, and Moo is such a brat and so demanding. It’s charming. There was even a little bit of dancing together which I’m sure made @heretherebedork happy. Dancing okay but NO SINGING. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 7 of 10 - Asami's past was cool to see. I enjoyed that his character finally got fleshed out and given some solidity. However, it felt like it came a little too late. Even though I know this is the way Japan tends to roll with BL timing. I wanted to like him sooner then this. Now I'm not really that invested.

Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 8 fin - It was an extremely good and very satisfying ending for a JBL, which we cannot expect, so I'm disposed to dole out top marks for that. Also we definitely have a new contender for Namgoong award for best wingman. (Japan's favorite: the bespectacled variant.)

Summation:

Kindly Ryota goes to uni and ends up rooming with his former childhood bestie, Kazuhito. Kazuhito doesn’t have a girlfriend for, as it turns out, cute roommate reasons. Same director as Old Fashion Cupcake, the framing is gorgeous and it is a stylish piece. As a friends to lovers cohabitation narrative this was a classic 2000s sweet yaoi. I enjoy that kind of tradition out of Japan even if it (and the characters) come off as a little slow as a result. Still, it's nice to get a traditional BL out of Japan that is satisfying, not slapstick, AND did not hurt us. 8/10 recommended

Blossom Campus (Korea Thurs Gaga & iQIYI) ep 5-6fin - gonna have to wait until next week, for mysterious hotel wifi reasons.

It's airing but...

You Made My Day (Thai YT) ep 1 of 5 - mini series staring the I Will Knock You couple Tar & Bom, started but I couldn't find it. I also didn't try very hard.

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. I NEED TO SEE THIS. How?

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ????) ep 2 of 10 - yeah I can't find it. Comments from last week suggest this is not my thing anyway, but Lee Long Shi very much IS my thing, so... maybe I'll put it on hold for a bit and y'all can let me know.

In case you missed

VBL (Taiwan) is released 'Special Episode' epilogues to their 4 2023 series on Gagaoolala, Viki & Viu - watch each on the respective shows' page: You Are Mine, VIP Only, Stay By My Side, Anti Reset.

My Biker 2 (Thai movie trailer) suposedly released somewhere, search me.

The Time of Huannan (Taiwan movie) went to theaters, not sure if we will get this, and it may not be BL.

And here's a 2023 that I missed and finally watched:

After Sundown AKA Saengrawi

ZeeNunew vehicle from 2023, recut into a movie on YouTube. It's from Mandee and horror, yet I enjoyed it more than I thought I would.

Pronoun use is ter/chan or rao (no nai or pom) because of the historical setting + softness of the relationship.

It's oddly sweet and wholesome, for a ghost story. Phloeng and Rawee enter into an arranged marriage for confusing prophetic reasons and a twisted fate, solving a mystery of the past that is haunting Phloeng's family and harming Rawee. Honestly, it makes no actual sense, but it's kinda historical, and very pretty, so I enjoyed it more than I should. 8/10

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

June Releases

6/7 My Love Mix-Up (Fridays Thai Adaptation not sure where this will air) - I do love G4 and I did like the original and maybe this time these characters will actually kiss? I'm actually fine with this pick-up. I kind of enjoy seeing different countries remake the same IP. Especially if it's IP I'm mostly unfazed by.

6/7 The Last Time (Thailand Fridays YouTube?) - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something?

6/9 Love Sea (Thailand Sundays MAME warning iQIYI - New characters to the Mameverse. While travelling, a writer has a one night stand with a very irritating man. YES I WILL TRASH WATCH THIS. Drinking will happen on Sundays I guess. (Look, I do usually travel on weekends, so it may end up being Monday Mame Trash - which jives.)

6/14 Let's Eat Together Aki and Haru 2 AKA Aki wa Haru to Gohan wo Tabetai 2 Haime! (Japan movie Gaga?) - Continues the (frankly) lackadaisical story from part 1.

6/15 Sunset Vibes AKA SunsetXVibes (Thailand Saturdays) Star Hunter and MosBank on iQIYI so if nothing else it's gonna be a wild and sexy ride. A one night stand but "uh-oh he’s my boss," adapted from a web series. I’m game. Maybe it’ll have a better story than Big Dragon? Maybe it will have a plot? We can but hope.

6/26 The Rebound (Thai Weds VIU?) - MeenPing are back in their 3rd BL together, a basketball based romance (Meen was a national basketball player, so yay for that). I like this pair better than most (I still do miss Meen with Est but Est has a fantastic looking new BL coming from GMMTV so yeah...) Anyway I'm up for a sports romance starring a man who, yah know, actually played that sport so... I'm game (pun intended).

(Speaking of, why can't Est be a merman? This... I ask you?.)

Why You? (Khmer movie - Billed as a horror romance BL this is supposed to release this month.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

In my world we call this smug. (Only Boo!)

LOOK AT HIS ARM?! This has been your Goodness Gracious Great Guns Of Huge 2024 moment.

(All Wandee Goodday)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity

@rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[aromanticbuck]

AITA for having a daddy kink?

I (32M) have been with my bf, T (45M) for a few months now, and besides the first date (if you remember my post about that, I'm so sorry for the secondhand embarrassment I caused everyone) everything is going really well! Or at least I thought so.

Last week, my boss (who's kind of like the dad I never had) (he's also my bf's old boss but that's not really relevant) was in the hospital after a cartel burned down his house. He's fine now. Made a full recovery. But T and I met up at my place after I left the hospital so we could have dinner. I finally made this new lasagna recipe just right after trying to figure it out for WEEKS and it was delicious.

We were talking about things while we ate, like we've done on all of our dates, and we started talking about my boss in the hospital. T even asked if I was okay, which is a little weird because I'm not the one who was in a fire or the emergency room, but it was sweet. He's really sweet. He's always checking in to make sure I'm okay and he's not doing anything that makes me uncomfortable, and that's really new, but good! Anyway, talking about my boss (and how he's kinda my dad) made T bring up his rough relationship with his own father, and one of his other old bosses, and I could tell it was a little uncomfortable.

Who likes to talk about their strained relationships with family? I know I don't. I always try to change the subject when anyone tries to talk about my parents with me. So I did that.

All I did was joke that we both have daddy issues - because we do, no matter what he says about it - and it's so easy to just talk to him, you know? So maybe I was a little flirty. Okay, I was a lot flirty, but I just wanted to make him smile because I don't like seeing the people I love upset. And maybe that fed into some innuendos. And maybe we kind of came to the conclusion that I really like calling him "daddy" in bed. I had a really good night after dinner. It was great.

And it was all great. This is the happiest I've been in a really long time. I don't think I've ever been this happy in a relationship, actually. It feels so light and easy and like he actually likes me, not some idea of me or the potential I have to be something else? That's something I'll unpack with my therapist later. Don't worry about it.

Anyway, things were great until I talked about it with my best friend, E (32M) - and I'm trying to take what he's said with a grain of salt, because he's going through a lot of major changes in his life right now, and he probably just wanted me to stop talking about my sex life, but still...

He said that because T made the comment while we were talking about our boss being in the hospital, he was just taking advantage of my childhood trauma to try out a kink. Because we were talking about something pretty serious, he never should have turned things in that direction - flirty and sexual - while I was worried and stressed, and he was totally brushing off how I was feeling in the moment. I thought it was fine in the moment, even fun, but E has known me for the last 6 years and has watched me get into and out of relationships that weren't always good for me, and now I'm worried that he's right and it's happening again. I really trust his opinion and I know he just wants to look out for me.

I guess I just don't know how to feel. I really like T, and he hasn't done anything to hurt me, and I'm happy. But E does see things from a different angle, maybe less biased than I do because I'm in the middle of it. I don't know who to trust more right now. I thought I was the one who made the conversation flirty and brought up the daddy issues to lighten the mood and make us smile more, but is my best friend right? Is T brushing off my feelings and sexualizing our relationship? Or is E just overly protective because I've been hurt in the past?

I guess this isn't really an AITA - Is He (T) The Asshole (IHTA) for joking about my daddy issues hopefully giving me a daddy kink, too, in the middle of a dinner date?

[mixterglacia]

THIS IS THE PART WHERE LOGAN BITCHES ABOUT CARTOONS

WARNING: VIVZIEPOP CRITICAL, STOLITZ CRITICAL

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. I don't like this show, and I don't pretend to. Full transparency, I'm meaner in this then any before now. This is also slightly more disjointed than normal because I was directly reacting to the episode it's self.

"I swore I wouldn't dwell on the divorce." MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T BE RUSHING THESE THINGS BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE HE'S WAITED TWO DAYS. EVEN IF IT'S BEEN MONTHS IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE IT.

"I'll hear him and not the voice that says I'm not enough" Oh boo hoo bitch. You've seriously done nothing to convince me to feel bad for this stupid fucking asshole. His writing is full of holes and contradictions. It makes him feel like two different people.

"I'll set us free!" Are you quite sure that means what you think it means you stupid fucking ass.

Framed adoption certificate is a nice touch. Very cute.

Blitz is immediately not coming off how they want. I think they're -trying- to imply he has some deeply buried feelings too, but it comes off as "i didn't want this and i still don't want this, why can't it just be normal hookup shit."

"I'll die alone if this goes wrong!!" You have the emotional depth of a teaspoon and are about as interesting as one. Boo fucking hoo. BAD.

NGL this really made their wealth difference hit home. Why the flying fuck is blitz still bordering on abject poverty dude? You should be able to help him advertise send something IDK man, if you really gave a shit, why aren't you trying to actually help him in a genuine way? I'm sure he wouldn't say no if you slipped a hundred bucks or so into the book every so often. I fucking hate it here.

"Would he want me if he was free?" No. Next question. (You've done very little if anything to prove Blitz actually wants strings attached in this.)

"If he's only here as a prisoner what kind of monster does that make me?" Little late to have this realization but I'll take it. Also can we seriously stop downplaying how awful this is for BLITZ to go through? Stolas is severely over represented in Blitz's own fucking show. Why is Blitz so underdeveloped??? Why, dude? The episodes that mainly focus on him are pretty okay, but once Stolas shows up it's all fucking stupid.

If Blitz rejects him (which he should. Look how fucking anxious he is just THINKING about this.) he could lose his entire way of life. No more apartment, probably gonna get Loona taken away. Probably has to resort to prostitution or return to clowning. Stolas just gets to go about his life of luxury.

Why is Blitz's emotional well being such an after thought in this duet? THIS IS NOT STOLAS' SHOW.

"He showed me that I could choose" ...Dude. You have given no weight to swing that line at us. This isn't much of a choice in the grand scheme of things. Stolas and Stella already had the kid. The marriage never had to last. Not from the impression you've given us. He's a toddler deciding he wants chocolate milk instead of regular. We have never been shown he's actually going to lose anything of real value. He's still a prince. He's still got his money. Like are they trying to have him killed, sure but lets be real he's A PRINCE OF HELL. Assassination attempts are like...Tuesday for him.

GOD THIS SONG IS ASS. I will not allow Blitz to be painted as the bad guy here. Fuck Stolas, and fuck the team for trying to make it seem like we should feel bad for him. They both suck. BUT STOLAS IS OBJECTIVELY IN THE WRONG.

Ah yes, The Helluverse special of "let's yeet a stupid ass joke in the middle of plot, completely derailing anything." it has only been a few seconds and it's already going on for too long. Go learn from Bojack or RvB.

...........This cherub bit is throwing your entire lore off. If these idiots are having to do this shit to get by, why are they acting like heaven bound can do whatever they want in Hazbin? If all you meant by that line is the human souls in heaven, you totally screwed up the message there. Your points are murky at best, and you're contradicting yourself at every turn.

...............Are the cherubs mortal now? Like they're flying and glowing but they have to eat???? Huh? I don't think I've ever realized you're showing they eat a lot, but surely you don't actually have to eat as an angel or demon? Surely it's just a choice???? That's genuinely so fucking stupid???? WHY IS THAT EVEN A THING?

WE DON'T NEED FIVE ANTAGONISTS IN A CHARACTER DRIVEN EPISODE YOU FUCKING IDIOT. YOU ARE LITERALLY RUINING YOUR MAIN PUNCH. YOU ARE TAKING AWAY TIME THAT SHOULD BE USED TO ACTUALLY PROVE BLITZ HAS SOME KIND OF FEELINGS FOR STOLAS. BAD.

Honestly the stuff with these five would have been a fun standalone minisode. NOT IN THE MIDDLE OF ONE OF YOUR SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT EPISODES.

Bloody alleyway was a phenomenal cutaway gag. Points.

You really are not making it sound like Blitz likes this at ALL.

"If someone wants to see you less and less? Big red flag." NOT IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP, DUH. He's literally a prince of hell in an affair with a """childhood friend""" who was literally PURCHASED for him. The whole thing is a red flag. Not just this!

You are making it exceedingly clear Blitz's just in it because he think's he'll lose the book. I don't give a rats ass about what micro-development you're going for. You take away time needed for showing that Blitz is conflicted on more than one level to do stupid ass tertiary character shit. YOUR CAST IS OVER BLOATED. BAD.

If you wanted me to feel bad for Stolas, maybe don't show that Blitz has an Angel-esque box of sex toys because he thinks he has to impress him. Stolas should have made it very clear AGES ago that he just wants Blitz. If Blitz is this hung up on needing to impress the damned bird, something very VERY wrong is happening in the bedroom.

If you seriously want us to think Blitz has feelings/cares about Stolas (Not that he HAS to), this sex candle shop would have been a perfect place to do it. "Well, he really likes it when I do this-" "This is his favorite colour." "This is his favorite scent." Blitz clearly knows nothing about Stolas, and both of them are to blame. This relationship is never EVER going to work if they know this little about each other when they've been regularly boning for ages. He should know more about what he likes. "What's the mood!?" "I don't know!" Woof. Full stop. This is never going to work in a real scenario. Womp Womp Move on.

HOW DOES BLITZ NOT KNOW HIS MEASUREMENTS. HOW CAN HE NOT JUST HELL-GOOGLE HIS MEASUREMENTS. STOLAS IS A PUBLIC FIGURE IT WOULD BE KNOWN. HE DOESN'T CARE, ERGO WE DON'T CARE. BAD.

Like he seems to MILDLY know what Stolas likes but this should be WAY clearer. Especially if you want us to think Blitz secretly cares too.

Love Fizz's new outfit. Very cute.

Gonna be real, Fizz and Blitz are seriously adorable. Can Ozzie pick him up too and actually show Blitz what being sexually valued is like? Because clearly he pulled it off with Fizz. Because he clearly enjoys sex and it feels like Stolas is just...using him. Not enjoying him. It's gross and SHOULD feel gross, because it FUCKING IS.

This whole bit with the cherubs makes it feel like we aren't supposed to give a damn about the main plot. That it's just a silly background to TERTIARY CHARACTER NONSENSE. BAD.

So far this confrontation is good as far as the pit of dread it opened in my stomach. I still really don't feel bad for Stolas. I feel bad for blitz. Him begging tore my soul out. It's so obvious how bad this power imbalance has gotten. I refuse to entertain these two any longer. This show needs to GROW UP and get over them, leave it here and I will forgive it.

Stolas should have 100% consulted Blitz before OFFICIALLY PUTTING HIM UNDER OZZIE'S JURISDICTION THAT'S NOT OKAY. Even if he leaves him alone, that can absolutely be weaponized.

"Am I not fucking you good enough?" Doesn't come off as him wanting more. Blitz feels like he's waiting for the other shoe to drop. For the love of the gods stop stringing this POORLY WRITTEN. BADLY RETCONNED. PATHETIC ATTEMPT AT A WELL DONE TOXIC RELATIONSHIP ALONG. BAD. MOVE. THE FUCK. ON.

"I care very deeply and have for a long time" You sure as shit never showed it.

To Those in The Back. ONE GRAND GESTURE DOES NOT FIX A TERRIBLE RELATIONSHIP. This is Mr. Peanutbutter with the library thing. This is Not ROMANTIC. This IS EMBARRASSING.

If he really cared, Blitz would not be living in poverty. If he really cared, he'd make an effort to engage beyond sex. IF HE REALLY CARED HE WOULD HAVE DIVORCED HIS WIFE THE PROPER WAY AND NOT TRAUMATIZED HIS FUCKING DAUGHTER OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Stolas is a godsawful woobified piece of shit that doesn't have the decency to acknowledge he's the problem, and when he does, has the fucking AUDACITY to behave like a pathetic child. This I was wrong speech is DOGSHIT and has no punch to it because more than half of the episode was TERTIARY CHARACTER BULLSHIT.

Blitz has EVERY RIGHT to see this as a joke. I immediately burst out laughing because YEAH. WHEN HAVE YOU GIVEN HIM ANY IMPRESSION YOU CARED BEYOND GETTING YOUR FREAK ON?

"Thank you for being here for a little while." Oh boo fucking hoo. Get over yourself. "It's just about sex" BECAUSE YOU NEVER MADE IT ANYTHING ELSE YOU FUCKING BOZO.

I am immediately cheering Blitz on in his retort. He's fucking earned it. You're not going to make me feel bad by making them show up in the room from their childhood. Blitz is completely in the right here.

If Stolas really thought so highly of him, he'd be putting in more of an effort. Stolas treats Blitz the way he treats Octavia. Like they're dolls from his childhood. If he wanted to do right by them, he would. He is FUCKING ROYALTY. There is NO reason he can't put in more effort for the people he supposedly loves. You don't love them. You love the idea of them. You can't accept that they aren't the idea in your head. This isn't love. It's abuse.

Fuck you. Blitz has NOTHING to apologize for.

It's like Stolas doesn't seem to think he's the problem. No shit, of course Blitz isn't going to react the way you thought he would. Why are you just THROWING HIM OUT RATHER THAN TALKING TO HIM? BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO ACTUALLY WORK FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIPS YOU STUPID ASS OWL. YOU WANT EVERYTHING TO BE HANDED TO YOU ON A PLATE YOU RICH DUMBASS.

Fuck everyone trying to paint Blitz as the bad guy.

FUCK. YOU.

He's just trying to survive! He has a fucking daughter! A found family! EVERYTHING to lose!

Stolas just gets his fucking feelings hurt. He is the architect of his own undoing. Suck my entire ass. This was easily the worst episode bar none.

The tone was ALL OVER the place, and not in an effective way. The plot moved at a halt and go pace and all the fun bits were BOGGED DOWN by the supposed point of the episode! You can't tell me this shit took all that time, unless you were constantly saying "OOOO YOU KNOW WHAT'D BE COOL/FUNNY?" and shooting your production scheduled in the foot!

The rest of the portraiture being covered up is a very nice touch.

I can't believe you've gotten me to defend BLITZO of all people. But here we are. I guess I'm on his team. (He's an abusive dick, but NO ONE deserves this.)

[becauseimanicequeen]

(I'm writing this after painting for 10 hours straight, so I hope it makes some sense, lol.)

I've been thinking a lot about My Stand-In while painting today, and how I have different expectations of this story than some comments I've seen here and some reactions I've watched on YouTube (I've learned my lesson to avoid MDL like the plague, so I, fortunately, have no idea what's going on there). But I especially thought about why I don't particularly mind some of the things that have happened or haven't been addressed in the series so far. And I realized it's just a part of who I am and what I'm used to.

As someone who was raised on Days of Our Lives (which is weird because I'm not American), I don't mind things like the kidnapping or the transmigration in My Stand-In (and that the transmigration might never be addressed or explained).

I mean, I'm used to kidnappings, people being possessed, and long, lost, dead people coming back to life. That's just a normal Tuesday.

I don't need a revenge plot to be satisfied with the series. I don't even want a revenge plot (it would be very out of character for Joe). Fortunately, I'm pretty sure this isn't the story they want to tell.

Furthermore, in my opinion (colored by being raised in the delulu land of DOOL), I don't even need the transmigration to be addressed or explained for me to enjoy the series. I don't need Joe's feelings about what it's like for his soul to live in a new body. I don't need him to deal with the repercussions of being in a new body (that might not even be the story they want to tell). I don't need any of that because I'm used to ludicrous shit (especially the fun ludicrous shit). And I'm used to ludicrous shit that doesn't always get addressed or explained.

(I get that not everyone was raised on DOOL, and good for you if you weren't. So if you need to have the transmigration addressed, that's great. Be disappointed if it isn't. You have every right to be. Don't mind me and my ridiculous soap opera preferences.)

That's not to say that My Stand-In is ludicrous, because it isn't. It's a pretty normal story for someone like me who was raised on soap operas (and whose tolerance for ludicrous stuff is pretty high).

I mean, even if Joe is kidnapped for the umpteenth time and kept in a golden cage (yes, Stefano and Marlena, I'm looking at you), I'll have a blast with it. But I'm pretty sure this will never happen in My Stand-In.

Even if May has drugged Tong to get herself pregnant with his child (and that being the reason they get married) only to find out years later that it's actually his brother's child (btw, does Tong even have a brother?) (Yes, Sami, Austin, and Lucas, I'm looking at you.), I'll have a blast with it. But I'm pretty sure this will never happen either.

And even if Ming's dad turns out to be a Stefano DiMera-esque character and Sol turns out to be Joe's half-brother (because shit like that is normal in delulu Salem), I'll have a blast with it. But, again, I'm pretty sure this will never happen.

My Stand-In is no soap opera (unfortunately). But I enjoy the heck out of it as it is right now anyway. And I would enjoy the heck out of it even if it became completely ludicrous.

The only thing that disappoints me at this point is that Joe 2.0 doesn't even have white eyes even though he's possessed by another person's soul... (Yes, Marlena, I'm looking at you again.)

On a more serious note, though (let's see if I can pull this off, lol).

Based on what I've seen so far (and since I'm only on chapter 41 in the novel, which is around the end of the 4th episode, I don't know much else about the source material), I feel like the story they want to tell us is more about Joe's role as a stand-in in all the different parts of his life, about how unfair life can be, about grief, second chances, and an obstinate refusal to giving up.

I still don't think they will give us a revenge plot. I feel like the farthest they will go is for Joe to resist Ming and make him grovel for as long as possible (as he should!). They might address parts of the transmigration later. But, again, that's not really important to me.

I'm more interested in Joe mourning his old body/life rather than figuring out how his new body works. But that's just me.

I'm more interested in Ming losing his shit in his grief, repeating old patterns, and (hopefully) breaking those patterns when he gets his shit together. But that's just me.

I'm more interested in the chaos (more catfighting between Ming and Sol, please). But that's just me.

Hell, give me more of the blind shaman, who evidently sees clearer than Ming does (why did that idiot take off the glasses he wore before he left the country?! He clearly needs them...). He is more interesting to me than whatever Joe might be feeling being in a new body. Please, oh wise man, tell me more about what you see! And speak in riddles because I love a good old mindfuck. But, again, that's just me.

If a golden cage shows up or Joe 2.0's eyes start to change color or children show up claiming random people as their parents, I will probably start talking about how ludicrous this series is (but I'll still have such a fucking blast with it). This will never happen, though, because My Stand-In isn't a soap opera.

Do I need My Stand-In to be more unhinged to enjoy it? No, because I already enjoy it as it is. Do I mind if it gets into ludicrous territory? Absolutely not. I'm raised on that shit.

My Stand-In can practically throw whatever it wants at me (or not) and I'll just sit back and enjoy the ride. Because I already do.

(Btw, I Googled the cage in DOOL and I can't believe I remember that it was golden! That storyline was from 1996?! I was around 10 years old when I watched that shit (since my country was 3-4 years behind in the release of the episodes). It must've made a real impact on me, lmfao! Also, I love that when Supernatural fans raved about Jensen Ackles, I just knew him as Eric Brady, lol!)

[phantomoftheorpheum]

PLL OS Summer School 2x06-2x08 Trailer Breakdown

*Spoilers for PLL Summer School 2x01-2x05 + the 2x06-2x08 trailer

Okay, well I've been assured that I am not talking only to myself, so let's do this.

So, while the timeline of events isn't 100% clear, I have been able to group together stuff that I think is related and/or stuff that I think will happen in the same episode.

First up, we see the girl's discussing the tests. Based on their outfits, this is at the top of 2x06. This is the convo where they acknowledge Imogen & Tabby are 'next'.

Chronologically, I think the next few things we've got (but I'm not 100% sure on the order) are- The girls compiling their suspect list, Imogen accusing Dr. Sullivan of being Bloody Rose, Imogen & Tabby staying over at their love interests, Imogen & Tabby's summer school "walk of shame," and Redemption House being put together. While Imogen wears the same outfit in all of these scenes (presumably over the course of two days), Tabby's outfit changes, which is why I think the list of suspects scene is before the others, since she's wearing the blue shirt for her date and the morning after. I think Imogen accuses Dr. Sullivan either directly before or after they compile their list, as she has lipstick on in both those scenes, but does not in the scenes the following morning. (Also the shot of them building Redemption House could come whenever, I just think it's generally in this time).

Their list is - Dr. Sullivan, Kelly Beasley, Mrs. Beasley, Mrs. Langsberry, Deputy Maroon, and Rose Waters (you can't see her name in these screencaps, but you can at another angle). These are all characters the viewers are pretty suspicious of (except Deputy Maroon. I didn't even remember who that was).

Here's Imogen accusing Dr. Sullivan of being Bloody Rose. We don't have a lot to anchor when this happens, just Imogen's outfit and lipstick.

These are the outfits we see them in for the "walk of shame," so definitely the night before the following shots.

^^this shot of Redemption House is cut with other shots when it seems to be open, but I don't believe they're from the same scene. I think this is earlier.

Next we have Kelly announcing Redemption House to the class. The way the trailer is cut, it implies this happens during the morning after the "walk of shame" scene, but it's definitely a different day, because the teacher is dressed differently.

This is also a difficult shot to anchor in time, but I think it must be pretty early 2x06, since so much of the trailer focuses on Redemption House. I think this may actually be the day before the shots it's cut with, but I'm not sure.

Next up, we've got the girls with Redemption House (in Imogen's house). We see them standing outside during the day, and lines of people going in. We also see them inside the house, and then outside at night, all in the same outfits.

Since there's a limit to how many photos I can add to a post, I'm only going to show a little bit of the house, but I'll talk about the rest.

There are a lot of shots from inside the house, but I don't want to waste all my image space on it. The house appears to be specifically themed after the girls season 1 storylines, implying someone has a lot of access to the details of what happened to each girl. I think we get glimpses of scenes based on several of the girls- Mouse on her laptop with Steve, a party where a girl (I think representing Tabby or Imogen) appears to be drinking/dancing, what looks like a drug den (for Noa), two shirtless football players (played by Henry and (I think) Greg) and I'm not sure if this is related to one of the girls or if this is more a sexuality shaming thing. It appears that the girls walk through the house, then an enraged Imogen blows out the power.

Okay, so the next "group" of scenes are- Noa suggesting Christian and Johnny be added to the suspect list, Tabby frightened and falling down Christian's basement stairs, all the girls (and Christian) except Tabby at the Orpheum, seemingly being chased by a mob (that appears to be the online version of the Bloody Rose cult). Again, I've grouped and ordered these in this way based on clothing and context. I assume Tabby is not with the other girls because she has possibly been injured earlier in the episode.

Noa suggests Christian and Johnny as suspects. This shot of Tabby is not 100% guaranteed to be from this scene (though they imply it with the editing), but I think it probably is. We also see Mouse in this scene sitting in front of Noa.

Tabby is wearing this same outfit when she falls down the stairs to Christian's basement.

There are quite a few shots of this sequence where The Orpheum appears to be under siege, which I believe happens later the same day as the previous two scenes. Noa is dressed differently from the scene where she mentions Christian and Johnny, but Mouse is definitely wearing the same top in this sequence as she is when she's sitting in front of Noa, so I think this is that evening. These scenes being in this order would also explain Tabby's absence from the chase sequence.

So I feel reasonably confident about the chronology of the stuff before this point. The rest of this, not so much. I have compiled some shots that are scattered through the trailer that appear to be from the same scene, but where exactly they fall in the timeline is difficult to say.

First, Kelly with Bloody Rose at the pool. I think these shots of Faran might go with this scene (or she may find Kelly after this scene?), because she is at the pool at night.

Not pictured- a shot of what looks like Kelly floating facedown in the pool, Kelly looking back over her shoulder, and another similar shot of Faran. These shots are not shown together in the trailer, but the Kelly shots are definitely connected & I also believe these Faran shots are related. There is also a shot of Bloody Rose standing outside a chainlink fence, which may be here, but I'm not sure.

Next up, Imogen's "test" and a scuffle with Rose. These shots are also split up throughout the trailer, but all appear to be from the same scene. Imogen enters a bedroom (her mother's?) filled with candles. We get a glimpse of her "final girl" letter. She is then attacked by Bloody Rose.

You cannot see it in these shots, but there is a crucifix hanging over the bed, which definitely felt very Mrs. Beasley-ish, but I think this is Imogen's house.

Now on to the stuff that is even more disconnected. I think we might be getting more nightmares from Imogen. There is a very incriminating shot of Dr. Sullivan that I don't believe they would ever show us in a trailer if it were real, where she has the Bloody Rose mask. Everything about this particular shot feels fake, so I think Imogen (who we know is suspicious of Dr. Sullivan) dreams this.

Additionally, I'm wondering if Imogen has a dream about murdering Johnny. There is a shot of the creamery floor, and someone wearing the creamery uniform (that we've only seen Johnny in) being dragged as dead weight (I think being dragged by Imogen). This could be real, but I wonder if it's not related to the shot from the earlier trailer where Imogen and Johnny are hugging and she looks very upset (perhaps she dreams that she stabs him, then wakes up upset?)

If this is real, things are not looking good for Johnny.

Then we have a shot of Noa through a hole (the eye hole in the Bloody Rose mask?)

I really don't think there's much in the trailer that links with this shot of Noa, so who knows.

There's a shot of Mrs. Beasley saying, "I pray those girls suffer and burn."

No idea when this is, but Faran also says Mrs. Beasley is her top suspect. The more they point at people, the less I think they did it.

There's a shot of Tabby waking up (looks a lot like the shot of Mouse from the last episode) in what I assume is Christian's bedroom. It's not a location we're familiar with.

Tabby is wearing a different top here from any of the other scenes, and I'm not sure what to make of that. This could be Christian's shirt that she wears after their date shown earlier (Imogen appears to be wearing one of Johnny's shirts in his bed earlier in the trailer, so that would track), or it could be an entirely different day/night.

Here we have a scene where Mouse & Ash seem to be talking about Redemption House. He calls it, "an apocalyptic level of hate." I think this is likely in 2x06 and pretty early in 2x06, but Mouse's outfit doesn't match anything else she wears and Ash does not appear anywhere else in the trailer, so I have no way to confirm this.

Weirdly, Mouse actually seems to be wearing an outfit we saw her in earlier in the season (when she finds the rose), so I don't know if this was originally supposed to be in an earlier episode and it's gotten moved, or what. I do wonder if it's a re-ordered scene, because Kelly was passing out those flyers several episodes ago.

There's a few shots I want to note that I couldn't fit into this post because of the tumblr limits.

A shot of Christian (he's just wearing his Orpheum uniform, so nothing new to discuss there)

A shot of Johnny (also just wearing his uniform)

A shot of Mouse looking out of her window at night. It's a little difficult to see anything, so I didn't use one of my image slots on it.

The only stuff from the original "Weeks Ahead" trailer that we haven't seen yet are the shots from the Pride event at the pool, Imogen and Johnny hugging at work, and the girls walking into a location that I do not recognize at all.

So that's what is in the trailer, here's my takeaways.

If everyone is getting a test this season, I think Tabby's will be next and Imogen's will be last. Imogen and Rose in her mother's bedroom feels a bit like Archie chasing Imogen in season 1.

This trailer points so hard at Dr. Sullivan and Mrs. Beasley, that makes me feel they are likely red herrings. I've liked the Mrs. Beasley theory for a long time, but Faran directly calling it out in the trailer is pretty blunt.

No sign of several characters that presumably do have scenes, since their arcs are completely unresolved. No Jen or Shawn. No Wes. No Rebecca or Imogen's dad. No Mrs. Langsberry (unless her name being written down counts). No Mouse's grandmother. Obviously they have to deal with the Jen/Noa/Shawn stuff, so interesting that we see none of it. I also don't know why they would introduce Rebecca and then never have her reappear, so that would be weird. I definitely expect to see more of Wes, but that's also because he is one of my top suspects.

I'm wondering if Jen is a big part of the online Bloody Rose Cult. Out of the new love interests, we've spent the most time on her outside of her romance from Noa (her stealing, her mom being an addict, her dad being a "rich pharma bro," the bail money, etc.) and regardless of how honest (or not) that she's being, it would be weird for none of that to be plot relevant. The way she asked Noa about the Millwood Massacre in her first episode raised some red flags (it felt like she was pretending not to really know what that was about), and we know she's not from Millwood, but has come here for summer school (which could easily be on purpose), so I'm wondering how that could fit in. The shot of Noa (that looks like it's maybe through Rose's mask) could be her finding a BR mask in Jen's things. The Bloody Rose Cult people seem to be wearing various versions of the mask when they are chasing the girls. Jen also has a similar fashion sense to a lot of the online cult members we've seen.

I haven't forgotten about Chip's mom. I understand why a lot of people are suspicious of her (and she fits some major horror tropes), I just don't like that we haven't seen her like at all this season. So I don't know how to feel about that. But Tabby's arc surrounding Chip doesn't feel totally complete (the way she experienced flashbacks of him when working on her short and how she's still feeling the consequences of his betrayal in a way that Imogen doesn't appear to be), so I do acknowledge that.

We get very little Ash, Henry, or Greg in this trailer, so I have taken note of that as well. It doesn't specifically make me any more suspicious of any of these characters than I already was, because they don't really have a lot going on outside of the girls. Henry not having much left to do this season wouldn't surprise me. Greg will be around, I think, but he does still feel like a background character. I've mentioned my mental tug of war around Ash and his screen time several times, but considering how background Mouse has felt for a lot of this season, it's not entirely weird.

Probably not important, but based off of his bedroom, Johnny is really into music & I'm still holding out hope they might let him sing at some point. I don't see where that fits, but let me dream.

Also, speaking of his room- Johnny's room is absolutely packed with album covers, posters of bands and musicians, musical instruments, etc. and the set design is pretty maximalist in general in this show, so it can be hard to know what matters, so this probably doesn't. But he also has a giant ass poster of Edgar Allen Poe on his wall?? which like... is probably just a set design choice, but feels weirdly out of step with the rest of his room.

I don't think this trailer has vastly shifted any of my opinions, but I will be excited to see how correct I am about my timeline and guesses.

As always, if you have any thoughts opinions you'd like to share, let me know!

[lovelycureaestetic]

Don't call me Trans

A more or less short and coherent post about personal journeys, fandoms and gender.

I don't really know how to start this post, I'm writing it down on my notes app for the first time now but I've rehearsed this for over a decade I think and yet I have to "roll with the punches".

Kinda like my journey as a queer person I guess so in the end I think it's only fitting for me.

You see, I'm a lucky individual, I grew up in a very accepting and somewhat progressive family. I've always thought that my parents, despite their age (both in their 60s rn), were pretty open-minded for their generation. Sure some things are just too much for them, but they don't hate and are very much cool with the things they do understand. Which is honestly a very good attitude and even if they're not "perfect" they made it so that I wouldn't have much issues coming out as a lesbian back when I was 18. But why am I telling you this? Well, this is a little preface to let you know that my environment was a nice one and that queerness was never an issue in my real life. So where were the issues, Nene?

Online. The issues were online and more specifically, inside the fandom spaces.

But Nene, aren't fandoms largely made up by accepting queer people? No. Fandoms are huge piles of toxic waste where you can find some rare shining gems and a safe bunker or two and the call about harassment is definitely coming from inside the house when it comes to queer on queer crimes.

But Nene, how does this relate in any way to your journey of self discovery? I will tell you right now, dear friend, fear not.

When I first started joining internet fandoms I was, maybe 14? It was the 2010s and online was the only space I could get any sort of exposure to the LGBT community (fewer letters back then, that's important to keep in mind). I was just a teen, I didn't watch the news, I didn't read newspapers; I watched anime, read manga and went on forums and Tumblr (and Facebook) to pass the time. I was too young and didn't know much because certain things like queerness were still very on the low, they just began to crawl up the surface and my only access to them was: fandoms. Of course I knew about gay people, my mom's hairdresser had a boyfriend and I knew about the ancient Greeks from school, but the first time I've read a love story between two men was in a manga for Christ' sake, it was a very different time, but I don't want to digress much. The important thing is that all my knowledge mostly came via Facebook pages about anime characters kissing. And then 2015 rolled in and I was basically almost only on Tumblr. I was 18 and just figured out my sexuality. Lesbian, score one. People were starting to talk about Asexuality and I believe a few years later I figured out I was Demisexual and kinda cried. Score two. And honestly I thought I was done. I thought there was nothing else for me to discover about myself and that that was that.

Mh.

Except...

Except that wasn't actually "that". As I grew older there was something bugging me more and more with each passing day. Something in the darkest and furthest corner of my mind, locked behind a vault. Something I just deemed impossible so I decided to cast it away in hopes of forgetting. But your mind never really does that, am I right? It never truly lets you forget. Oh no. And that something scratching and scratching away against the metal doors was my Gender Identity. Now then, why would I cast that aside? I had a pretty accepting environment in real life, all the things about sexuality I learnt from articles online and Wikipedia, so why was that an issue I had to lock away?

Because it wasn't what I saw around me.

I had read yuri mangas, I had read articles about asexuality, there were people online talking about them. There were headcanons about characters and "character X sexuality study essays". But what was there around me when it came to gender? Cis and Trans (Non-binary came later on so I didn't grow up with it). That was it. You were either cis or trans. And when you're a teen on Tumblr there is really only two ways to be trans: buff masc trans woman with a loud personality or scrawny shaky trans boy wearing oversized clothes. I'm afab so the second example was possibly my tumblr assigned gender and I was...

Not that.

I didn't wear baggy clothes, I didn't hate my body (not for those reasons at least), I did not feel like I was born wrong, I did not feel like a "uwu cute adorable transboy so sweet so pure". And to tell you the truth, the more I saw transness in fandom, the more I hated it. I did not hate trans people, absolutely not, and I knew that everyone had a right to interpret characters as they wanted. But every time I saw a cute and feminine character being called a transboy as in afab, something inside of me cried in agony and I felt, oh so bad about it because when I grew up in fandoms, not liking and sharing a trans headcanon meant you were transphobic. Yeah. You read that correctly. If you dared to say that you personally did not think Kurapika was trans you'd get sent hate mails because how COULD YOU DENY TRANS PEOPLE, YOU MUST'VE HATED THEM, YOU TRANSPHOBE! It didn't matter if you said it in the most chill way because someone asked what you thought, it didn't matter if you respected and just did not share those headcanons, because to them they were canon and if you hated canon then you must've had a problem with trans people. I know things have chilled a bit nowadays but hey, now I'm 28, the damage has already been done so what can you do. Anyway, I had these conflicted feelings for years and at times, when I dared to stop myself and just... Think for a while, I asked myself: why do I care so much, what is it to me if someone sees a feminine boy and calls it trans? Yeah it can be obnoxious, and femininity has nothing to do with gender, but why do I ACHE instead of just rolling my eyes and moving on?

Why

Why

Why

Why am I thinking so much about what my sexuality would be if I were a boy?

Why have I always picked the male protagonist in videogames?

Why would I be fine if people wrongfully used he/him pronouns with me?

Why am I sososo attached to femboy characters?

I don't hate my body, I don't hate my boobs, I don't hate my curves, I don't hide them, I like my curves, I don't feel like I'm in the wrong body, I'm not uncomfortable being called a girl.

So why, why, why

I can't be trans, I don't want to be a boy, I don't feel like how a trans person should feel, when someone called me an "egg" when they saw I liked femboys, I'm at the point where I recoil at the idea of being called trans. So I cannot be.

I have to be cis, then, right?

...

Realisation sounds like the buzzing of static left in your ears after listening to the ocean raging below.

Bigender.

It all made sense, I could see my whole life unfolding right in front of me and the long breadcrumbs trail I left for myself through the passage of time.

Bigender.

It had such a nice ring to it.

Bigender.

It was like a hug between male and female. It felt like I was born from the embrace of both ends of the spectrum.

I was happy, the vault was finally open and I was finally, consciously complete.

Yet there was still something bugging me.

People would still call me trans.

And I know, objectively speaking, that the word trans is a big umbrella term, that technically bigenderness falls under that umbrella.

But the wound is too deep, the gap too wide, I've spent too many years in the toxic waste that is fandom's perception of gender.

And this is NOT to say you shouldn't thrive with your trans headcanons. No. Go live your best life, but please, maybe from time to time, stop and ponder why fandoms that allegedly care so much about representation do nothing to actually represent different identities. Maybe sit down one afternoon and wonder why some people sound so bitter towards umbrella terms. Trans people aren't the issue here, of course, but the way they're portrayed at large in fandoms and the fact that the only non-cis terms being used are either trans or non-binary, are. And I'm so hung up on the way fandoms act because that's where MOST of young people have their first contact with the queer world. Of course everyone should be free to do whatever but if you truly care about kids and teens and adults feeling safe, accepted and SEEN, then you HAVE TO actually start and be inclusive of all identities.

I will help you carry that umbrella because we're all in this together, but once we reach your destination you could at least have the decency to use my name instead of yours.

Don't call me Trans, I'm Bigender.

[romanticatheartt]

Note: I'm gonna talk Bridgerton season 3 "lead" so be mindful this is my opinion and you don't have to agree with anything I say<3

Listen I understand the whole argument about Colin wanting to be another person, who women swoon after. This desirable, hot, and rake person. No one is denying it, It was obvious he didn't get any good feedback when he was himself last season and whenever he tried to talk about his travels, his family and friends didn't take him seriously, so of course he's going to change his attitude and be a different person so they talk to him like a person and not this naive child. There's also a scene where his supposed friends are asking about his sex life and you can see he's not comfortable. He's struggling with this new personality he chose for himself but also he thinks the only way people will take him seriously is to act this way. The only time he's his true self is when he's with Penelope.

But why he's giving people "ick"!? Simple. Luke is not a good actor...

I'm so sorry if anyone is gonna be offended by this but it's okay to admit it lol. We've seen so many characters with these traits, wearing a mask in front of other people, this fuck boy persona so they can be more desirable because they think no one is gonna love their real them. This is a common scenario, I've seen it so many times.

So the writers and fans saying it is supposed to be this way, for Colin to give ick to the audience is absolutely bullshit. It's a way to save the situation because is getting out of hand. I'm pretty sure they didn't expect this many on social media saying how Colin gives them ick and he has no charisma. They're damage controlling lol

Apparently in the show the girls are supposed to be swooning after him and it is how it's shown. So we, as audiences are supposed to have the same reaction... we don't!!

Season 2 had the worst writing, like pitting the sisters and making that stupid love triangle (which it wasn't even a love triangle let's be honest, it was only there to make conflict) but still Kanthony is fans-favorite because the acting made it up for the bad writing. And that's exactly what happened to me and most of the others. We fell in love with Jonny's and Simone's acting and their characters, nothing more.

Season 3 has awful writing as well but on top of that, it also has bad acting that it doesn't make up for the plot.

The actor's choice for Colin's was absolutely wrong and they also ruined his character from the books. Like how on earth this is the same character I fell in love with? And I haven't even read his book! I fell in love with him just by reading others and he was just a side character...

[dazaii-griseoo]

—“ Let me draw a piece for you, using your favorite color. ,,

Those words fluidly came out like a small blurt. A mess up. But he, he could not regret anything else.

...I have a brother, Osamu, is that really all you know about me? Well, one thing's to know about someone is still enough to take them down regardless. I think I've known that all too much.

————————————‘—"—★—"—’———————————

//ooc; heya! same mod of @dazaii-osamuu & also co-run by my roommate/friend, who is remaining anonymous bc he's uncomfortable to come out publicly, viv aka 🦋 (I made him get into bsd RAGHHH)

(note; if seen "🦋/-Viv" at the end of a sentence/hidden in tags, that means he posted/wrote it)

this is an oc-ish kind of blog about "Griseo," Dazai's twin brother. so by his appearance and personality, it's pretty much the same as dazai except a few things here and there but I'll dwell into that soon. some things to know about griseo though is that he is based on fob which has the same protag as nlh! (thus is the reason why they are twins, but dazai came first.)

his backstory and hobbies/interests are completely different as expected. mainly basing off on the short synopsis I found online bc I can't entirely find where can I read fob personally (whether that'd be online/irl but I'm pretty sure it doesn't sell in Korean?) so I could build griseo's character more. sorry about that inconvenience! so predict a mix of dazai and my own spin on it which is, well, griseo.

Small snippets of his life;

his ability, "Flowers For The Buffoonery" allows Griseo to steal an ability from another ability-user thru touch and use it & also manipulate it freely (ex: Griseo touches Atsushi, he steals "Beast Underneath The Moonlight" or manipulates it. If manipulated = he didn't take Atsushi's ability but Atsushi longer has control over it despite Fukuzawa's ability.)

note on his ability- when Griseo successfully steals an ability, the user who had it will briefly be flashed by an illusion that can be described as "a field of their favorite type of flowers"

(^ if said user doesn't have a favorite, it will be instead a flower field akin to their ability. ex: fyodor's field of flowers will look like a bunch of wilting white flowers)

also similar to Dazai, Griseo's ability is automatically active every time. (< depends)

was temporarily in pmbefore being caught by police (in a small crime he did) at 15 and sent to prison before sending off to a deserted island sanitorium due to his "cotard's syndrome"

Dazai and Griseo were temporarily known as "Sōtīru", or "Double Teal"

The sanitorium is religious and contained infected chronically ill people who can cannibalise only at night! (< will be implying to roleplays and on this blog, so dont mind if theres a sudden change- our time zone is UTC+09:00 & religious themes are moreover twisted/corrupted!) 🦋

griseo tried leading a suicide pact.

griseo usually draws stuff to vent about his experiences. unlike dazai, griseo isnt really good w his words and thus can be perceived as rude to ppl sometimes.

Griseo is a demi-asexual! politely asking that he is not shipped with any other rp blogs please? :) 🦋

Griseo successfully escaped the sanitorium in Enoshima, then ended up in Yokosuka, before finally finding himself in Yokohama! 🦋

^^ unfortunately, he carried the "disease" that strictly only the island and its inhabitants were infected w and thus weird things can occur at night near ppl Griseo is w but cause amnesia to the ppl who witness/experience it once the sun rises.

anyway, same rules and stuff on dazaii osamuu and with that being said- ask me anything!

[ewingstan]

The Love Lost interlude was interesting. The flashback to interrogating Jen seemed to be establishing that Nicole was, even before everything, operating on certain specific beliefs and resulting frustrations. She saw the world as filled with people who aren't people but monsters, and was frustrated at how little she could do about it. She couldn't "stop all the bad guys," resented the misconduct statutes that slowed down her ability to send "monsters" to jail, and was at least somewhat aware that punishing them after they already hurt people accomplished little.

All of which helps explain her obsession with Rain: she sees him as an especially heinous monster who's escaped punishment too long. Not dealing with him and the other monsters would be compounding her failures, and the fact that killing him wouldn't accomplish anything doesn't matter that much, since she didn't really see it as accomplishing anything back when she was a cop.

The oddity is how she sees herself as working with another monster to "save the world." Firstly because Rain doesn't seem world-threatening, though maybe she's talking about the Mathers more generally. The whole of their plan still isn't clear to me, I'm not sure why they needed to attack the Navigators. But the bigger thing is that she sees Cradle as a monster, and it seems like the text agrees with her even in a way it didn't for Jen.

And its somewhat weird for the text to agree with that "some people are monsters" framing when this whole chapter is pretty clear that its wrong. Its earlier use in the flashback seems to be purposefully positioning it as wrong and dangerous:

Nicole describing people as inherently monstrous is first given in the context of a cop deciding someone must be guilty, and falsifying evidence on that basis. Its introduced as being part-and-parcel with police misconduct. And later parts pose it as something borderline fascistic:

She sees certain criminals as "not having reasons," as if they're savages who do violence because of some automatic, atavistic urge. Instead of, you know. Doing crimes to get money/revenge/safety/etc. People usually have reasons for doing things. But the fact that she thinks some people don't, and that she uses such a politically charged word as "degenerate" to describe such monsters, all signpost that Nicole is following an overly simplistic ideology with horrific ends. Even if she sees herself and Nailbiter as "very similar people at different points in their journeys," she sees the latter as someone who needs to die.

Then there's the whole Colt thing, that Colt was distressing to Nicole because she straddled the line between "innocent child" and "monster" and her becoming a parahuman pushed her in one direction rather than Colt's own autonomous choices. Colt has from the start been an example of people doing stupid harmful things for understandable reasons, and Nicole recognizes that as a burr in her worldview.

But then the reveal that Cradle has been manipulating the cluster and literally turning them evil for his own ends. Which admittedly I still don't understand at all. Though part of that is that I don't understand Nicoles side either; she wanted to kill all the "rule-breaker capes" but also said that stopping kids from getting into capedom was a worthy goal, and whatever she thought they were doing with March I completely missed. But the last paragraphs of Cradle revelation suddenly reinforces what the rest of the chapter so persistently (and often skillfully) tried to argue against vis-a-vis some people just being monsters. I'd typically say that this means that we have to be due for a humanizing look at Cradle, but nothing I've seen from Wardblr indicates I'll get it. We'll see.

Part of the problem might just be the form of the story: a genuine ideological belief that no human is a true monster gets in the way of having a truly villainous villain. But I'm not sure why this story needed one.

[thelaurenshippen]

When you write your characters, do they have specific, locked-in physical appearances? Does that only come once you get the characters cast/does it match what the VAs look like irl? I was thinking about how, when I listen to TBS I picture the characters different than you probably do or how other listeners do.

For me, I usually only picture things like height/build and hair color/length, but even that is different from other interpretations I see in fanart. What’s it like to see fanart of characters who don’t have faces?

great question!!! no, absolutely not, pretty much never. I have a hard time coming up with character appearances even in books--I am just not a visual person! in writing prose, I of course do have to determine what they look like, but it's not usually the first thing that comes to mind.

when I wrote TBS, I had absolutely no thoughts about what the characters looked like beyond certain vibes (mark: handsome, agent green: beanpole, damien: exceptionally average, etc.) but that said, I'm not sure I necessarily picture every single character looking like their actor. and that's largely because we have so much incredible fanart for the show, that every time I see a new version of a character, I'm like "that's it!". so, to answer the last question in your ask, it RULES

but it's a little different depending on how the casting went. with the exception of Chloe and Sam, almost all the original roles in TBS (so, the first four seasons), were written without a specific actor in mind okay, I started to write a long paragraph about each of the characters and then realized it might be fun to go through the whole original cast and talk about how each actor ended up in that role--

(my god this got long I'M SO SORRY I feel like I've hijacked your really nice and straightforward question)

Sam - easy; she was written for me, she is me, and yet I never picture her looking like me

Chloe - I knew I wanted to get Anna to be a part of the show, so I wrote Chloe with her in mind. but I also don't really picture Chloe looking like her!

Dr. Bright - the hidden lore of TBS is that I thought about playing this role for about half a second, instead of playing Sam (thank GOD I wised up). I don't remember the thought process of casting Julia at all because I'm pretty sure I was just sitting in acting class one day as she was doing a scene and was like "oh, there she is"

Caleb - god, it's so weird to try and remember when these people were strangers to me - Briggon was so big-hearted in acting class, that I knew he'd bring so much to Caleb. but it was watching him do a gruffer scene in class that made me ask him - I wanted Caleb's big heart to make itself known more slowly. Briggon has an essence that I picture with Caleb, but I don't picture Briggon as Caleb, if that makes sense.

Adam - in lots of ways, Briggon cast Adam! he and Alex had been buds for ages and when I wrote the episode in which Adam first appears, I needed someone to do a few quick lines and Briggon suggested Alex. and that was supposed to be that - I had no plans to ever have Adam appear in the show again. but then, of course, we recorded with Alex and I simply had to make him a presence in the show. ditto here in terms of essence vs. appearance.

Damien - I remember the moment I (mentally) cast Charlie so vividly. I'd already shared the season 2 script where Damien first appears with Julia and she was very eager to know who I was going to cast - I think we were talking about it before class, because we both knew that we needed someone very specific and very good. and I'm like "idk! I haven't thought about it in depth yet!". and then Charlie was doing some scene or other in class and Julia and I literally leaned forward in our chairs so that we could look down the row at each other because we had the exact same thought at the exact same time. and we shared this look and that was that. I've never pictured Damien as looking like Charlie, because Charlie is way too good looking.

Mark - these next two were really hard to cast. mostly because I had such a specific idea in my head of a vocal tone/vibe, and I didn't know any actors who fit that perfectly. and it took several weeks of sunday classes with Andrew before I asked if he wanted to get coffee and talk about it. and it took that long because Andrew has this very annoying thing about him where he's literally so versatile and so grounded and real and fucking good in every role he does, that every time I'd watch him perform, all I could see is what he was doing in the moment and nothing else. I would get totally lost in what he was doing and, of course, it is that exact quality that makes him such a compelling Mark. I picture Andrew as Mark about...32% of the time.

Agent Green - an insurmountable task. no one in my acting class was right for it. no friends of friends were right for it and I asked around a lot, got sent a lot of voice memos. and then I was doing a short film with Anna and Ian was there - I'd met him once before when he was in a Rocky Horror production with Anna - and I really dug his energy. and he wasn't right at all for what I was imagining Agent Green to be, but I was like "you know what, I want to work with this actor, and it's one small-ish role in two episodes" and then we got Ian in with Julia and all of a sudden I was like "WELL I GUESS I HAVE TO WRITE A WHOLE AGENT GREEN STORYLINE NOW" (this has happened to me several times. goddamn actors). I think the Green in my head is like...the combination of Ian and his common fan art representation.

Wadsworth - I met Alex doing the same short film - she was in it and also doing fight choreographer and was just incredibly competent and cool. I knew I wanted Wadsworth to be someone who could really boss people around but, like.....in a hot way. it helped that Alex and Ian knew each other pretty well, because obviously that dynamic is central to both those characters. and I think, similarly, Wadsworth is half Alex, half fan art in my head

Frank - I hadn't really planned on bringing Frank into the show itself - kind of an Adam situation - but I saw Phillip do a very interesting intense scene in class and just....couldn't stop thinking about it. despite writing the role into the show more or less for Phillip, I don't really picture Frank as looking that much like him.

Rose - this one was pretty straightforward - I wrote Rose, thought through actresses I knew who had a particular energy and could also sing and Alana popped into my head right away! (the only other actress that came close was Helen, who plays Helen in TAMA which, as you can guess, was written for her. she's got an incredible singing voice like Alana does, but Alana was the better fit, and I got to have Helen villain it up, which was so fun, and have a fucked up thing with Wadsworth (Alex and Helen are irl besties)). but I don't picture Rose in any particular way, other than the cover art for SFP!

Charlie - I loved Ars Paradoxica, I loved Reyn in Ars Paradoxica, and it just felt right. I do think I picture Charlie as Reyn actually.

honorable mentions from the spin-offs:

Mags - I knew pretty much immediately that I wanted to get Bryce in the mix of TAMA and wrote Mags for her in the same way I wrote Chloe for Anna. Bryce and I met doing a production of Spring Awakening years and years previously (she was Martha, I was Wendla) and she's such a talent! I don't really picture Mags like Bryce though - I think I picture Mags as being much nerdier.

Beck - Jason "Marley" Beck has a very specific description in the books. he's a tall, hulking white guy with a buzz cut and a kind of frankenstein's monster energy to him. he's pale as shit. when I wrote him into TCT, I looked for actors like that (and found some truly great ones!) but I'd left the role open and when I heard Chris's audition I was like "welp. that's Beck. I guess Beck is going to be Black in podcast canon!" and that's what we did. podcast canon and book canon are technically two slightly different versions running on parallel tracks, and I wanted to go with the actor that I felt best fit the role, regardless of the fact that the book had already been published. so the image of Beck in my head is different for the book and the podcast.

Oliver - ah, Oliver. the surprising fan favorite. or, really, not that surprising, because I had the exact same reaction to Kristian when I first met him. he auditioned for a role in Passenger List and, while I was of course already a fan of his from Orphan Black, I was still shocked at just how much fun the audition was. and to be clear: auditions suck so so so so so bad. and for PL, they were full 6 hour days of watching actor after actor after actor and, well, it's my least favorite part of the process always. but for the, like, 5 minutes Kristian was in the room, I was having a genuinely good time. so of course we cast him and he was as lovely to direct as he'd been in his audition. when Caitlin came up with Oliver, I think we both had something very different in mind. but there was a mad scientist energy to him that made me think of Kristian so I pitched him to her and she liked the idea and the rest is history. and then, of course, he and Andrew's chemistry was a wild lovely surprise, so we brought him back. gun to my head, I could not tell you what I think Oliver looks like.

[cluescorner]

I cannot imagine being a Damian stan right now. You've got both Zdarsky's bullshit (where he clearly doesn't give a shit about your boy) and The Boy Wonder (where Juni Ba clearly gives so many shits about your boy) coming out on the same day. The whiplash must be insane. I hope y'all get some nice warm soup for your efforts jfc

[sacchiri]

Hellsing 2002 calendar illustration.

Ein wunderliche und erschröckliche Hystori von einem großen Wüttrich genant Dracole wayda Der do so ganz unkristenliche marrter hat angelegt die mensche, als mit spissen als auch die leut zu Tod geslyffen

A wondrous and frightening story about a great berserk called Dracula the voivode who inflicted such unchristian tortures such as with stakes and also dragged people to death

[mattodore]

close-ups under the cut if you wanna see 'em

[tiffanybluesclues]

Every week someone makes a post about how annoying it is that Dick Grayson fans don't acknowledge his flaws, and every week someone replies with an explanation that the flaws OP listed are entirely fanon and inconsistent with canon as it actually happened and at this point I have to assume that none of those explanations are ever going to stick because clearly some people just want the fanon to be true.

Anyway, I'm just putting this here for me to edit and add relevant-to-the-topic links later so I'll have them nicely at hand to read and sooth my frustrations when it gets real bad out there. (Echo chambers are good when we use them to drown out character mischaracterizing fanon.)