#which is a shame because the most important bits about this have already been established back in season 1 of the og

[melverie]

I might make a post about what forging a pact means exactly (mostly for the demon) and what difference there is to being in possession of a demon's grimoire

[thiswaytwoinfinity]

Emma's Epic Multi-Fandom Rec List: Oscar Isaac Edition

Work and life and everything took over for a little bit, but I am back with *part 2* of my massive fanfic recommendation list, because good lord I read so much fanfic I have a problem.

I do my best to reblog as much as possible but sometimes I miss it so this is my attempt to make up for that and give all of the amazing creators on here the credit they deserve. Thank you all so much for sharing all of your work with us. This year has been a long and difficult one for me, especially mental health wise, and being able to escape into these stories has been so valuable and important to me. 

If you read anything on here that you like, please reblog and/or comment on these pics to show the creators some love! 

AN IMPORTANT NOTE: While not everything listed here will include smut, many of these authors have 18+ blogs. Please, please, please respect their boundaries and DO NOT INTERACT WITH THEM/THEIR CONTENT IF YOU ARE A MINOR.

Stories marked with ❤️‍🔥 contain NSFW content

Moon Knight: 

The Best Kept Secrets ❤️‍🔥by @melodygatesauthor — First of all, Mel is the *queen* of Oscar Isaac-fandom fic, especially anything about our beloved Moon Boys. She’s got stuff for every genre, every mood, every random plot bunny — she’s also created some of the most fun and original character.ai bots — but I have such a soft spot for this fic, a dad’s best friend fic where each chapter is a different member of the system. 

A Bit Dodgy ❤️‍🔥by @melodygatesauthor — another brilliant one from Melody, featuring professor! Steven falling in love with a student, Jake being protective (and hot) and Marc learning to let down his walls around people. I will genuinely be a little sad when it’s all wrapped up because I’ve loved this journey. 

Cherry Pie ❤️‍🔥by @whatthefishh and @melodygatesauthor — I’m trying not to just rec people’s entire masterlists but these two make it SO DIFFICULT. Anyway, as someone with a soft spot for Steven (is it obvious yet?) this is a particularly steamy and surprisingly sweet fic about his first time. It’s written in such a brilliant way that you can just picture all of the desperate, delicious faces that Steven is making throughout and it’s just … it’s a 10/10 y’all. 

Spoiled Rotten by @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction — MARC. MARC MY BEAUTIFUL, EMOTIONALLY GUARDED BELOVED I love when Marc gets to be soft and this was such a beautifully written, real-feeling story about his relationship insecurities and his desire to be treated like the precious gift he is. If the universe could just give me one chance to spoil this beautiful man … 

Personal Time ❤️‍🔥by @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction — Look, we have already established my love for Steven Grant. I want to hug him and kiss him and let him tell me about Egyptian gods and eat vegan burritos with him and cuddle him all night. But this story? This story makes me also want to ruin him. 

The Moon Boys + Where They Like to Put It ❤️‍🔥by @ivystoryweaver — These little blurbs are pure filth and I would like them tattooed on my eyelids so that I can forever be haunted by them. There is a surprising amount of characterization packed into such a short package and that takes an incredible amount of talent. 

On My Knees ❤️‍🔥by @ivystoryweaver — Look. If Steven Grant came to me, begging on his knees (literally!) for his job back, I too would fold immediately. This two-parter is also great because the first story is pure fluff (and pining for Steven, which, i can relate) and the second brings all of the tension and anticipation to a head with some genuinely smoking hot smut. I’d also like to give a shoutout to Ivy’s Oblivious Roommate Headcanons Series, which is honestly making my obsession with everyone’s favorite gift shoppist a little worse in the best way. 

driver!jake and rich girl!reader ❤️‍🔥by @campingwiththecharmings — THIS FIC. I love the slow building tension, the gorgeous image of Jake smoking outside his limo during a night out, the SMUT. It made my brain melt in the best way, possible. 

Lessons in Touch by @marc-spectorr— Ugh, the PINING. There’s only one part to this so far and I am already so obsessed with it that I’m recommending it. I cannot wait to see where this one goes because I just am already so in love with this Steven and their relationship. 

With The Lights Out ❤️‍🔥by @moonknightly — Jake is, understandably, often characterized as the sexy, seductive one in the system so it’s such a treat to read a virgin!Jake fic. This one is so lovely, a perfect mix of vulnerable and steamy while still feeling so true to him. Basically, I love when Jake gets flustered and I need more of it. 

Friendly favors ❤️‍🔥by @runa-falls — (Not so) unrequited pining between Steven and his best friend and the ways they begin to reveal their feelings for one another by … “helping each other out” with their “needs.” Steamy and sweet in equal measure and it just makes me want to scream in the best possible way. 

Making Trouble ❤️‍🔥by @juneknight — Possessive!Marc owns me, completely. This and its sequel (where Jake gets his revenge) are two of the hottest, most wonderful smut fics that I have read in this fandom and good lord, it breaks my brain every single time I read it. juneknight is also the creator of the mind-meltingly sexy Dorm Room Marc series which is also *chef’s kiss* 

Miguel O’Hara (Spider-Verse) 

Halo ❤️‍🔥by @missdictatorme — One of the most interesting Miguel concepts I’ve ever read: Reader is Miguel’s new AI assistant (complete with hologram body) and you ask for the chance to design your own appearance. The slow build of the relationship between the pair is so fun to read and the tension between them as Miguel realizes that their relationship with one another is … unorthodox is amazing. I think about this story all the time. 

Something New ❤️‍🔥by @runa-falls — Hoooooo boy. I recommend you read this one in front of a fan or the AC because good lord this is hot. 

Decadent ❤️‍🔥by @ivystoryweaver — This one has it all: gorgeously steamy smut, the tension of a slow-burn relationship build, a hint of angst and a mystery at the center of it all: is Miguel a vampire? Or something else? Can he be cured? It’s so good and I honestly give a little squeal every time I see there’s a new chapter out. 

Punch-Out Love by @astroboots— Miguel O’Hara boxing AU? Hell yeah. This one is exciting and tense and thrilling and I was invested from the first sentence. Cici also co-wrote the iconic Every You, Every Me, which I am ashamed to say that I only just started reading but it is just as incredible as everyone said. Her stuff more than lives up to all of the hype. 

Monster ❤️‍🔥by @writefightandflightclub — Oh, you thought you’d make it through a Miguel O’Hara rec list without some size kink? This is insanely hot and a little dark and so, so good. Heed the warnings, but if this is your thing, trust me, it will sit in your brain forever. 

Assorted Oscar Characters 

Bloom For Me (Santiago Garcia) ❤️‍🔥by @whatthefishh — The Triple Frontier Regency AU that you didn’t know you needed. Trust me on this. 

Oxford Comma (Rydal Keener) ❤️‍🔥by @whatthefishh — *The* definitive Rydal fic, in my opinion. There is something about the way that Mona writes Rydal that makes him so irresistible, so charming and easy to fall for despite how much you want to resist (or maybe punch) him that I think captures the essence of the character so well. 

How (Nathan Bateman) ❤️‍🔥by @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction — Set post-Ex Machina, this lovely (and steamy) fic delves into how Nathan deals with the aftermath of the situation with Ava as well as him learning to let another person (not an android!) into his life. It’s my favorite take on a softer version of Nathan and I just adore it. (Also for more amazing Oscar-character content, Fen’s Kinktober masterlist is *chef’s kiss)

Three Years (Nathan Bateman) ❤️‍🔥by @youvebeenlivingfictional — My favorite Nathan fic, ever. The tension between him and the reader, the underlying questions about whether their whole relationship and dynamic is the result of genuine feelings on his end or just him manipulating people, the added angst of Reader’s dynamic with their friend and *her* crush on Nathan — it’s just so good. 

Somebody to Love (Richard Alonzo Munoz) ❤️‍🔥by @writefightandflightclub — Not just one of my all-time favorite Oscar Isaac fics, but one of my all-time favorite fics period. As I have previously gushed, this is a gorgeous, romantic, slow-build of a story written with such stunning imagery and poetry and with little nods to an already-familiar relationship that just makes their ultimate relationship even more swoon-worthy and perfect. And the smut is 10/10, five stars, completely mind-melting in all of the best ways. I love it, I love it, I love it. 

[definitelynotshouting]

Do you have any tips for starting a story? The middle and end is easy (lie) but the beginning SUCKS to write sometimes

oh gods no joke openers are one of the hardest part for me. Theres so many ways a story can start, and it makes me CRAZY because that right there is your hook, thats what convinces people to start reading!!!!! And there are so many unique ways one can start, so it ends up feeling a bit like that one reaction image of the girl being handed so so many pancakes

I think for me, what i try to ask myself when sitting down to write an opener is: "what kind of story is this?"

Because each story needs something different to accomplish its goals. A slower story might want to take its time with setting the scene, while an action-packed one might start in media res and with a bang!!! I guess if i had to give advice i would say, take the time to identify what your story is trying to say, and then look at what different openings can do for you to identify that goal.

For example; this is from my fic when the night cries, which is essentially a ghost story:

This was meant to be an introspective story, with a very gentle pace overall, so i took the time to really set the scene, build up the sense of what we're looking at before we get dropped into the fic proper. I remember my thought process for this was: how can i make this unique??? how can i make it FEEL like one of those old paintings with the beautiful yellows and summery oranges, while giving the reader a sense of whats to come?? Adding in the repetition of "it begins" was a way for me to sorta hammer that home: this is the start. This is where the story originates. And in a technical sense, it hooks your attention, with the question and immediate answer within the narration. The intention here is for the reader to want to know why this is important, and now it's answering that, but still leaving gaps for more questions.

Now compare that to, say.... lost in the dark's opening:

The overall pace of hunger au is slow, but this opener isn't-- partially because it's a rough draft, but also because what i wanted out of this scene was a sense of deep, deep urgency. We're in the middle of action; Grian is physically running while he thinks, and i wanted the reader to feel hunted and uncertain with him. Dropping everyone in with Grian at one of his most frightened, shaken points was the best way i felt i could establish that scene, and throughout it i drop hints as to what's actually going on. He's scared. He thinks he's going to hurt people. He's been on the move for a very, very long time. These are all things that are meant to pique interest and get answered later, when the reader is already invested. And i guess in that regard, its really all about timing.

But yeah!! Rambling aside, i'd say try out a few different ways of opening your fic and see what works. Think of em as thumbnails; write maybe 200 or so words at most and see if something works better than something else. I think theres this secret culture of shame among writers for not putting the perfect start down on the page the very first time you open the doc, but it's super normal to have to workshop things around to your liking!!! There's absolutely nothing wrong with writing a few different openers to see what works best for you and your story, and in fact is something i genuinely recommend. Its good practice, and essentially functions as a warm-up!!! You also get the benefit of exploring new angles in a scene, which can sometimes unlock really cool stuff for your writing

Sorry for how long this is, anon!! Hopefully you find my rambling helpful :D thank you for sending in this ask!!!

[sibylsleaves]

okay i am gonna ask about two because i am greedy and i am desperate to know about recreational slut shaming and to be lonely is a habit

i think i've discussed recreational slut-shaming before and it's kiiiiind of a follow-up fic to the LAFD calendar fic except it has like nothing to do with it. But in my head it's the same cinematic universe. It's an established relationship fic where buck has a little bit of an exhibitionist kink and eddie finds a way to indulge it (by fucking him in a bathroom).

Eddie indulged Buck’s exhibitionism in other ways—sometimes by sending Buck sexy texts and pictures when he knew he was out and about, sometimes by leaning over to whisper something dirty in Buck’s ear when they were in public together, and most often by describing a perfect, filthy fantasy of public sex while fucking him safely behind closed doors. Once in a while, Eddie would oblige Buck with a makeout in the car or some other less-than-private location, getting him riled up before taking him home and taking him apart.

For Buck, who is already outrageously, deliriously happy with their sex life, these concessions are more than enough. And even if they weren’t, he would never, ever want Eddie to feel pressured to do anything that makes him uncomfortable just to please Buck.

So, when they decided to go out for beers on a Chris-less evening, Buck hadn’t been angling for anything in particular. He thought maybe they’d do some shameless flirting thinly disguised as playing pool, maybe some light groping in the parking lot, and then drive home for several rounds of enthusiastic sex.

Which is why he’s not prepared when Eddie pushes him against the door of the single-stall bathroom and kisses him so deeply Buck feels it vibrate through every inch of his body.

And to be lonely is a habit...probably gonna be a while before I get to this because I'd like to finish roommates fic first, but it's a post-s6 fic where Eddie breaks up with Marisol and pines relentlessly for Buck, who thinks Eddie is heartbroken about Marisol. There's a lot more to it, and I haven't completely plotted it out yet, but here's a small snippet that may or may not stay in:

“Okay, then what about Natalia?”

“What do you mean?’ Eddie asks. “I don’t hate Natalia.”

“You don’t like her,” Buck insists.

Earlier that day, Natalia had stopped by the firehouse to drop off a sweater Buck had left at her place. Bobby had invited her to stay for lunch, and it was the first time Eddie had spent more than a few minutes in her presence. 

The thing is, Natalia is—she’s nice. She’s sweet, and charming, and seems to genuinely care for Buck. Eddie doesn’t have a problem with her. He’d gone out of his way to talk to her, in fact. To try and get to know her. To see whatever it is Buck sees in her.

“I barely know her,” Eddie hedges.

“Eddie,” Buck says. “I know what it looks like when you’re being genuinely friendly. Today wasn’t that. You have a problem with her, and I want to know what it is.”

“I don’t have a problem with her,” Eddie says, scrubbing a little more vigorously. “But even if I did, why would that matter? You’re the one dating her.”

“Because you’re my best friend, and your opinion is important to me,” Buck says. “So what is it?”

ask my about my wips

[twilightmalachite]

ABYSS - The Ocean of ■ That Drips Downwards 1

Author: Akira

Characters: Souma, Kanata, Madara

Translator: Mika Enstars

"Kanata is not yet a god, so he does not know anything."

Season: Winter

Location: Funeral Venue

13 years ago from ES’ first year of establishment. At a funeral venue, somewhere in Tokyo…

Souma: I’m freeeee~!

(Now, what to do! Think, Souma! There’s only half an hour of free time left! Which is, umm, about thirty minutes!)

(I need to make the most of my time with… With something! I mustn’t make waste!)

…But, I’m hungry.

I have a feeling Father forgot about my food.

(What do I do? One can’t fight on an empty stomach…)

(Usually its Mother who prepares my food, but… Mother will be giving birth to my cute younger brother soon.)

(She can’t move because she’s so heavy. So there’s nothing that can be done. We can’t have her walk such a long way away.)

(Even if this funeral… is of someone of utmost priority to our clan.

(Mhm, seems like someone has passed away.)

(Someone who seems to be of great importance to us.)

(Or, perhaps it's offensive to address them as “someone”?)

(Because, that person seems to be a “god”.)

(…A funeral for a god? Do gods die? Hmm…?)

(Well, if they die, they die! Father and Mother would never be wrong about something!)

Uggh, I’m getting hungry thinking so hard. I’m starving. Not even the Great Taikou-sama[1] would have thought we’d suffer and starve to death in the affluent, modern Japan…!)

(Maybe I should ask Father to cook me something to eat~… But he looked busy, and he’s always talking about how boys don’t belong in the kitchen.)

(Hm. In that case, it appears I have no choice but to find food myself.)

(I’m sure if I look hard enough, I can find some insect or beast that can be used as nourishment.)

(No, now that I’m looking closer, food is lined up everywhere!)

(Or is this a mirage that I am seeing?)

(I’m not sure, but this must be a gift from god! In other words, umm, God has helped me!)

(I am filled with gratitude!)

(…Do I need permission to eat this? Will I get scolded? But, there’s nobody around for me to get permission from…)

(And, ugh~… and I’m hungry!)

Thanks for the food!

*chomp chomp*… Ugh, the flavor is so strong. Mother’s food is much more mild…

(Ah! Someone’s coming! Oh no, it’d be embarrassing to be caught stealing food! It’s a shameful act as the child of a samurai family!)

(I-I gotta hide… I’ll go under the table and use it’s curtain to hide myself.)

(Hurry, Souma! Go!!)

Kanata: …Wha, oh?

Souma: ….!?

Kanata: Hm~? Hm~? Hm~?

Souma: …? …?

(What? Who? There’s someone suspicious~!)

(Who is this guy? He’s got a strange air surrounding him…)

Kanata: Is someone there? Mikejima, is it you?

Souma: (Huh? Eh? What’d he say?)

(What a strange-sounding voice… I couldn’t understand him.)

Kanata: …Mikejima.

…Or, not. You smell different.

*lick*…. Hm, and taste different.

Souma: Hyaah!? What did you just do!? Are you a youkai!?

Kanata: Who are you?

Souma: W-Who are you? What are you doing here?

Kanata: Kanata is not doing anything.

Doing nothing, in a sense.

Souma: ? ? ?

Kanata: Do you not understand, Child?

Is it difficult to understand what Kanata is saying?

Souma: K,-katana?[2] No, did you say “Kanata”? Is that your…?

Madara: —Mikejima has arrived when you least expect it!

Souma: Gyahh!?

Madara: Whoaa there, I hit him pretty hard, but who's this guy? Know him, God?

Kanata: Kanata is not yet a god, so he does not know anything.[3]

Also, you took a long time coming back, Mikejima.

Madara: Sorryyy, I had a bit of trouble securing an infiltration route, you see—

Souma: (W-Who is this person? These people? They look to be about the same age as me…)

(Ahh, no good. I was already feeling dizzy from hunger, so the shock of getting hit is making me feel faint…)

(I’ve been, defeated… Losing, consciousness…)

… …

story directory | next →

1. Referring to Toyomi Hideyoshi, a samurai who later rose to feudal lord. He used to be a retainer of Oda Nobunaga, and succeeded him to unite Japan during the Sengoku period.

2. Souma uses the kanji for katana (刀) here out of confusion, since it's similar to Kanata.

3. This line here is partially voice-acted in-game if you'd like to hear baby Kanata speak!

[adobe-outdesign]

For poke reviews, I'd like to see what your thoughts are on the Vivillon line, or maybe the Unfezant line? I personally think Pidove is one of the better starter route birds because its evolution doesn't just look like a bigger version of itself.

I already did the Pidove line over here, but as for Vivillon:

I don't know why, but I've always loved the aesthetic of this line. In addition to a square motif, which is used to reflect their paralyzing powder, they also incorporate other shapes, such as triangles and circles. Something about it just really jives with the design part of my brain; it reminds me a bit of modern art (which might be intentional–Vivillon does have a modern pattern that's very Mondrian-esq). It also helps to visually connect the line together and gives them a unique aesthetic different from the other butterfly lines.

I also like how Scatterbug here has a subtle but pleasing brown and warm gray palette that then becomes steadily more colorful as it evolves.

My only thing with Scatterbug is that the head's a bit too big for my tastes; it looks like it's about to fall over. Something about the perfectly rounded back also looks weird to me, most likely because it has no legs to support it back there. I wonder if it couldn't have had another triangle back there like the legs, as a nod to hornworms or something.

Part of me also wonders how necessary it was to get another three stage caterpillar -> pupa -> butterfly line; it feels like Vivillon's gimmick is unique enough that it probably could get away with being a one-stager (I know that's not how butterflies work, but it's a fantasy series). Regardless, Scatterbug is a good foundation for the line.

Spewpa is probably the best cocoon Pokemon out there; I tend to find them underwhelming, as there's only so much you can do with an unmoving pupa stage. It's refreshing to have such a different take on the idea, as instead of doing the usual, Spewpa has a stylized head, with a fluffy blanket of powder around its body (which is also a nice continuation from Scatterbug's collar). It kind of references the idea of a silk cocoon without being too literal about it.

As I said above, I like how it starts to get some color at this stage, and how it continues to play around with the square and circle motif. And, of course, it's its own unique thing; not being too similar to either of the other stages while also clearly visually connecting the two. Good stuff.

Side note: why does Spewpa have highlights in its eyes when Scatterbug doesn't? This isn't important, it's just odd.

I think I've mentioned this before, but Vivillon's actually my favorite butterfly 'mon. First, the aforementioned square motif is continued here, and all the squares and "pixelation" in the wings tie everything together visually, both in terms of the pre-evos and in terms of the different forms. I also love how the compound eyes are three squares, and how the eyes are triangles to tie back into the shape thing. Even little details, like the way each body segment is split half and half and how the wings have the square outcroppings at the tips, add to the overall design.

However, I do have one or two nitpicks. First, I don't love the human mouth; I would've preferred a little ^ shaped mouth to tie into Scatterbug (or a V shape, if you want to make it look happier).

And secondly, the weird oval hind legs look tacked on and don't fit the pre-established shapes; they're particularly weird when the top legs are circular, as they should all be the shame shape. It would've been better if they were all circles, or even all triangles to tie into Scatterbug's legs.

So if I have nitpicks, why is this my favorite butterfly? Simple: one of the best features about butterflies is how their wings are stunningly gorgeous, and how each species has its own colors and patterns. Vivillon's the only butterfly 'mon that really captures this with its different forms:

On top of that, the wing patterns changing depending on your region is somewhat accurate to IRL butterflies (though not to this extreme, obviously). Limenitis arthemis is my favorite example of this; out west, it has white stripes (left), but in the east it's all black/blue (right) to mimic the poisonous Pipevine Swallowtails that live in that region:

Anyway, out of the forms, my favorites are the Pokeball pattern (I love the general design of Pokeballs to begin with, and the circular pattern around the body looks really cool), the ocean pattern (such pretty colors!), the modern pattern (as mentioned above, fits with the pre-existing design), and the polar pattern (very striking). My least fav is probably the monsoon or archipelago pattern (monsoon because the grey doesn't really work, archipelago because the the colors and patterns don't stand out that much). And even then, I wouldn't consider any of the forms bad.

In fact, the only bad thing about it is the mechanics. Having the form depend solely on your IRL region kind of sucks. First, because the Switch requires online to trade, it effectively locks all the forms, the best part, behind a paywall. And even ignoring that, some forms are harder to get than others depending on how many Pokemon fans are in each region; for example, the tundra pattern tends to be rarer as far as I'm aware.

Vivillon's coming back for SV, so maybe they'll consider adding a few forms depending on your in-game area this time? Or perhaps there could be a system where you get the form for your region by default, but could use something like Pokeblocks to change it before evolution? I'd just like an easy(ish) way to obtain all the forms that doesn't require paying to do a trade, basically.

Also, Vivillon is Pokemon #666 and that will never not amuse me.

Overall, the line as a whole has some unique visuals with the shape motif, which also works to tie all the stages together. Scatterbug is good aesthetically but the body is a tad weird, Spewpa is a great and unique take on a cocoon Pokemon, and Vivillon's forms are perfect for a butterfly and quite pretty. Solid A+ from me.

[theliterateape]

Grappling with What is Important: The World or the Personal?

by Don Hall

A few weeks ago I had to delay my car payment by a couple of days. Despite the (now) regular bi-monthly paycheck, I have some holes I dug myself in during the Summer of Disillusionment which need filling in with cash thus a bit of of financial balancing. On the app, the delay indicated a penalty of nearly double the payment owed and for five days it buzzed around my brain like a drone camera at a traffic stop with a young black driver.

This anomaly in my days was very important to me. No one else in the world (including CarMax) gave two shits about it. It was my thing, my trouble, my problem to solve. What wasn't important or pressing at the time was whether drag shows were grooming grade school children. Reading about Floridian Republicans frothing at the mouth to ban these sorts of bizarre shows (you have to admit that having a man dressed hyper-sexually as a cartoon woman teaching children to read is not quite the replacement to Sesame Street we envisioned) was a diversion but not a hill for me to die on. It was not an issue that connected as I don't have kids, haven't seen a drag show since Zombie Burlesque in Vegas two years ago (no kids present), and how was I going to afford a double car payment and still make the loan repayment to my friend?

Since the divorce, I've gained around fifteen pounds that stubbornly refuse to drop. Certain vests fit too tightly, my pants are a bit too snug, and, while I know exactly how to drop the weight, getting that very specific calorie in/calorie out ratio in practice has been challenging.

No one else on the entire planet cares if I drop fifteen pounds. No one. Anywhere. Joe Biden isn't holding court regarding Don Hall's waistline; no reporter on even the tiny Wichita television stations is mentioning it on the air on a Sunday evening. It is my issue to solve. You know what wasn't even a blip on my radar as I rationed the carbs vs protein and hit the gym? How to define the term 'woke.'

Over at the NYT, conservative columnist Ross Douthat attempts to define the term in the most generous terms:

"...all of this is necessarily a cultural and psychological project, which is why schools, media, pop culture and language itself are the essential battlegrounds. Yes, economic policy matters, but material arrangements are downstream of culture and psychology. The socialists have merely gentled capitalism, the environmentalists have merely regulated it. If you want to save the planet or end the rule of greed, you need a different kind of human being, not just a system that assumes racist patriarchal values and tries to put them on a leash.

You think this is too utopian? Consider a proof of concept, what we’ve already seen with gay rights. There the left overthrew a system of deep heteronormative oppression by establishing a new cultural consensus, in the academy and in pop culture and only at the end in politics and law, using argument but also shaming, social pressure and other “illiberal” means.

And look what we’ve learned: That once homophobia diminishes, millions upon millions of young people begin to define themselves as what they truly are, as some form of L.G.B.T.Q.+, slipping the shackles of heteronormativity at last. Which is why the backlash against the spread of transgender identification among kids must be defeated — because this is the beachhead, the proving ground for full emancipation.

If you find a lot of this narrative persuasive, even filtered through my conservative mind, then whatever “woke” describes, it probably describes you."

I describe myself as a classic liberal and find the extreme left to be fucking annoying but I do find his version of the narrative persuasive. Before I give too much of my attention to the utopian restructuring of society, how many calories does a boiled egg have?

The state of the climate with its ridiculous weather patterns and disastrous effects on everyone is a scud missile headed right now to destroy us all—not the planet but our continued ability to live upon it—but before I get into all that the tire light on my Prius is on and it's driving me nuts.

The government is dropping cash on too-big-to-fail banks like a drey horse on an all taco diet while ignoring the very needs of the working people scurrying around trying to afford their rent but hold that thought while I feel disempowered at work and I'm bathing in the addictive bath salts of self pity.

The generational divide in progressing society to a better place, in addressing the injustices of the world, is that when your mom still does your laundry and you haven't had enough life on this particular hellscape to feel genuinely cheated by the health insurance industry, the personal is pretty easy to ignore. Once some time has been served in the penitentiary of humanity, the personal becomes increasingly urgent like a bread crumb to a seagull.

College students and academics with tenure have all the time and mental space in the world focusing on the horrors of society. They get to coin phrases like 'systemic racism,' 'climate justice,' and 'the patriarchy' because the wait in line behind an old lady with a clutch full of coupons clipped from a newspaper slowly bleeding out has not become an existential crisis.

Who reasonably gives a fuck about disproportionate incarceration rates when someone smashed in their Honda window last night and stole their Duran Duran CDs and secret box of Newports they were hiding from their husband? Who has the bandwidth to spend five minutes on the dangers of algorithmic AI when they can't remember their Ticketmaster password? Who has the time to take their camera phone into a government building in order to get security to 'violate their rights' in order to put up a (hopefully) viral video of authoritarian overreach in the Omaha DMV but someone without a neighbor who lets his dog shit in their yard and, goddamnit, if I could only catch it in the act.

So pardon me if I wave off your impassioned cry that the Supreme Court has become a rightwing crossing guard because right now I'm dealing with the fact that I can't find the fob to my car and I'm late to pick up my dad who's getting out of dialysis in ten minutes and needs a ride home.

[lausterdomyamong]

HAIKYUU BOY MAFIA AU

note: this is from all of the results from my haikyuu mafia quiz, this is about who they are and how he met you. I’m so embarrassed by my writing but yeah, I’m already here so here we go <3

Characters included: Kita, Atsumu, Osamu, Suna, Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Mattsun, Makki, Bokuto, Akaashi, Kuroo, and Sakusa <3

The quiz

Kita Shinsuke: Gather the scattered group of yakuza to be one since his young age, and reign as the leader since then. his underlings accidentally mistaken you for another 'girl' and bring you back to the headquarters. You're ordered to strip and let them appraise your worth- luckily, Kita notices the mistake. despite being a yakuza and is doing something horrendous, he has a moral code. he promises to make it up to you. maybe it's a part of his plan from the very start- but hey, every mistake can be made.

Miya Atsumu: 'dealer' they say. yeah, atsumu is a dealer on everything. drugs, gambling, and many more. to be frank, he's very creative and heretical. kita almost wants to disown him, only if he's the one that keeps inarizaki flourishing with his wit. your soon-to-be-ex just lost a great amount of money to his hand, so they try to steal your money- fortunately, atsumu sure is accidentally to be there and help you out, 'dealing' with your ex and swoop his hand around your figure, comforting you and offer you a better life! but yeah, maybe he's planning this all along :/

Miya Osamu: unlike his twins, he uses his ability in the killing field. osamu is expressionless, he's killing someone without moving a single muscle on his face. oh, maybe he's heartless, he can't feel a thing even someone is slaughtered before his eyes! but wrong. osamu has himself wrapped around someone's fingers without himself knowing. your smile, your manner, your whole being. he almost feels shame that he kill people for money and you're completely standing on the other side of the world, pure and typical. this man sure will protect you from afar, he will make sure no one will ever fuck with you. he's the hitman of inarizaki after all.

Suna Rintarou: he's the center of all news and stories. this man's probably a walking yellow book, he knows everything and will use every last bit of that to inarizaki's benefit. Suna is always by Kita's side, he's also the leader's trusted interpreter. even he plays such an important role, no one really sees him in flesh except for inarizaki's members. he's always inside the headquarters, living with you. of course, he has to protect you by bringing you in, makes you become a part of his clan. the farther you are away from him, the higher risk you'll take to survive.

Oikawa Tooru: don't let the pretty face tricks you, or you may have bitten off more than you can chew. he's the leader of 'seijoh' after all. they're well-known for their ruthless and immoral deeds, there's no way the leader would be just a simple smiley, sweet guy. many gangs have been fallen and destroyed by him because they underestimate Oikawa, and overestimate themselves. there are two ways to survive ① make his gang money and/or ② become someone special in his heart. but worry not, you may conquer the second option already.

Iwaizumi Hajime: he's not the morally sane one, sorry. Imaizumi isn't a good guy in lion's den, he's part of the lion pride, and being the strongest one himself. even so, he's still less rough and more merciful when it comes to working- but still, he's in the dark grey area. you may accidentally pique his interest. fortunately, he would treat you like a princess and spoiled you rotten. but unfortunately, if you're no longer interesting, he may leave you on your own. better keep him lit up or being a partner in crime, kay?

Matsukawa Issei: the former forensic technician at a local hospital, now the pathologist of seijoh. he's working with the dead more than the living ones. his smile is always painted with a dangerous impression. mattsun may seem so laid back and friendly at times, but he's not someone you could easily screw up. he's clever, skilled, and experienced. the last person that tries to meddle with seijoh has found dead without an actual cause. you just happen to be a one-night-stand that he's really hooked. and he does not hesitate to tell you every secret seijoh has to trapped you in his crew forever. because no outsider would make it out alive knowing their secrets :D

Hanamaki Takahiro: oikawa's trusted fund, trusted friend, and trusted confidence man. he's tricking people into fake lies, gaining their trust, then their money, and run away, leaving them bankrupt. he somehow only tricks the authorities (which is a great threat for seijoh) but never the commoners. don't get me wrong, he's still as nasty and dangerous as any other seijoh member, but he just thinks that it's more worthwhile. makki may just think you're practicable so he lures you in and makes you be a part of his big scheming plan. once you do, you can't run away anymore. you're sticking with him forever, good luck.

Bokuto Koutarou: he's somehow bright and kind- you've mistaken him for a normal authority. but oh, he's one of the most dangerous fellows out there. he may come off as someone kind and enthusiastic, but trust me, he's no different from other mafia bosses. even more primal. he still kills someone by himself, with the widest, scariest grin. bokuto may seem like someone with a simple mind, but when he's falling in love, he falls deep. he might need to learn how to establish a relationship first, but this man takes you in right after he realizes you're the one anyway <3

Akaashi Keiji: calm, serene, and stoical just like a rain forest. with bokuto, he can make fukurodani bigger than any other generations before him. he's smart, composed, and knows everything. without him, this clan would be infirm and even more barbaric. he works his ass off every time this clan is in a problem as if his life depends on fukurodani's prosperity. his mind is so tired, but he pledged to the god already, he would make fukurodani go far, stopping mid-work wouldn't be appreciated. until he met you, your smile, your greeting, it makes his tired-out soul light up once more.

Kuroo Tetsurou: working under fukurodani's command, still, stand above all. he's as powerful as the boss himself. With a smile, he would talk his way until the negotiator blew it. his mouth is truly a weapon. with a word or two, he can get what fukurodani wants. he's on seijoh's 'beware on sight' list. really a schemed man. he would meet you at one of the auction that only authorities can join, he sees you beside a gross old man. look at your face, your expression; you do not want to be here. so he swoops in and talks his way until he can separate you from the said man, and abuse his power as underboss of fukurodani to keep you with him instead :)

Sakusa Kiyoomi: with his presence alone, you can tell how much power this man held. he's so young, has a bright future ahead, and yet- choose to become the darkest part of this society. he's inherited his father's legacy and name, and he runs everything like his father always did. despite being so young, he can control every part of the gang so perfectly. frankly, he wouldn't even bat an eye on you, only if his underlings did something he forbid with you, in front of everyone in the party. the punishment is one thing, but your tears that already shed make him feels something stirring inside.

[canmom]

Are you still watching Centaur World? Looking forward to anything you have to say re: Season 2 and the ending.

Ahaha, writing something about this was something I had planned, once I'd finished talking about Houseki no Kuni. But since you've asked~

So, on rewatch, Season 1 of Centaurworld held up very well. It maintained a good balance of humour and pacing, the characters were appealing, and the driving character arc was compelling. I definitely want to say more on that in a minute, but let me comment on Season 2!

Centaurworld is kind of structured like a joke: you have setup, and then payoff. In this case, the payoff is a grand finale featuring reprises of the ideas set up earlier in the story and resolving its major emotional arcs (namely: Horse learning to chill out and connect to her new friends, reuniting Horse and Rider, and Wammawink learning to let go). This setup-payoff structure produces some of the best moments, such as the unexpected reprise of Comfortable Doug with a solo in the S1 finale; it's generally a good basis to build a story around.

Unfortunately this really put themselves in a tough place at the outset of season 2, having fired most of those guns and thus lost most of the narrative momentum. They had some exposition to handle, such as establishing the character of the General and the nature of the Minotaurs as chimeras (which would be thematically important) before we could deliver the big Nowhere King backstory to the finale - an understandable decision given the actual impact of dropping it all as essentially one big 90 minute Disney musical, but with much of Horse's arc already resolved, it left little ground to cover in the first few episodes so it kind of felt like spinning wheels for a bit, even if it was setting up the same payoffs for the finale.

It's just tough for 'imposter syndrome/performance anxiety/did I make the right choice' to live up to 'I must get back to my wife rider in whom I've staked my entire emotional existence in life thus far/will I be too changed for her to recognise me'.

There's also an unfortunate tendency to take a good joke that was evidently popular in the first season and try to spin a lot more out of it; Comfortable Doug's many appearances in Season 2 had the feeling of that time My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic made a whole joke about the fan favourite drawing error 'Derpy Hooves' (disablism aside) - it just felt strained, rather than novel. OK, maybe that’s a bit harsh - Comfortable Doug was like, actually a significant character already! - but it felt like ‘ok here is more of that guy you like so much’.

All the same, after a couple of episodes to ease back in, it hit its stride around Holes Part 3, with the theme being fleshing out the rest of the Herd (who were for s1 almost entirely joke characters) and seeing Horse go through a crisis of confidence.

Honestly? Although Becky Apples was kind of funny, I think there would have been potential if they had put Horse back on the other side of the rift and developed her relationship with Rider onscreen.

There's still a lot to like, and once they actually spelled out what the Nowhere King's deal was, he actually made plenty of thematic sense as a villain. The main problem is perhaps that, by saving it all to the end, we basically have no understanding of what the main conflict is and just see him as 'generic bad guy' until the finale. It's a shame because, conceptually, it's actually a really good use of the 'world of centaurs' concept; an attempt to take a part of oneself and suppress it for the sake of respectability all being portrayed as something horribly misguided and traumatic is... juicy!

I think they made the best of it. It's an impressively ambitious project - the sheer number of songs far exceeds anything I've seen in TV animation - MLPFIM and SU could manage a song once every two or three episodes, whereas this can drop two or three every single episode, almost always with an impressively choreographed animated sequence. If I were more literate in musical theatre, I might be able to better recognise if they're riffing on existing musicals or just using certain familiar song structures. Regardless, it's compelling.

In terms of animation... there was some really strong work at many points. I noticed a very impressive bit of effects animation in the whaletaur episode in s1, and s2 had a couple of "oh, they really had fun there!" fight scenes. There's also a lot to be said for the sheer animation challenge of animating a cast of mostly quadrupeds constantly walking about and emoting. Wonder if anyone's put some up on sakugabooru? ...yeah! mmhm!

When I first watched this show, I was on a bit of an obsessive kick about solid drawing; at that point it felt like the greatest principle of animation was the kind of James Baxter/Toshiyuki Inoue/Mitsuo Iso/Hiroyuki Okiura/Shinya Ohira/etc. feeling of a convincing 3D object in space. Which is to neglect... basically all else in animation. Rewatching it I noticed a lot of the other good they're doing in terms of timing and making things feel bouncy and active; there's some very charming bits of stylisation, with Wammawink sometimes almost looking like a Jonni Phillips character. I'm ashamed I ever felt I could dismiss it as toonboom puppet animation.

I think the main thing that both bugs and interests me, is, well, the sorta faux-anime/disney look they use for the human world. Let me try and explain...

Here's the official turnaround of the main human character, Rider:

And here's a closeup of her face:

You can see that her head structure is very much of the anime template... but it's a kind of, slightly different mode of stylisation; elements like armour are reduced to sharp graphic shapes which can kind of feel like they're made of cardboard. The lines are very even, and much thicker than they would be in anime, with digital precision; there are also very few areas of higher detail to break up the large flat shapes. And, just, it really feels like nothing has any thickness to it! Basically she looks like she's drawn with vectors. And to me... that just doesn't quite work.

Faces are incredibly subtle, and what seems like a very minor tweak, like an increase in line weight, can completely change the impression of a face. The human characters here remind me of the designs of Infinity Train - there's nothing technically wrong with them, they have clear design language and are simple enough to be animated very nicely, but there's this curiously stiff quality. It's interesting as a sort of case study, because these designs are generally a lot more ambitious in terms of anatomical realism than most of what you see in Western TV animation at the moment, so it draws you to try and work out 'what's missing?'

That said, I do feel like the human designs in Season 2 tend to have a stronger identity to them.

On the other hand, I really do like Horse's pre chibification design. The full design sheet is far too big and detailed to include here but it includes some fascinating instructions to the animators:

"A real horse could never hit this pose. Don't be afraid to completely break the anatomy at times."

"Her front legs can act more like arms. When this happens, gravity no longer affects her body like it normally would. No need to make her back legs support her full weight."

"She can hold objects magically. It should always look as ridiculous as possible."

This one on quadruped construction is also fascinating.

Horse's design appears to take quite a lot of the way Dreamworks would construct a horse in a movie like Spirit. (You can see the full collection of design sheets and concept art for Spirit here).

In both designs, the model begins with two spheres, and there is a very clear indication of the plane changes around the bridge of the nose, which gives Horse's face a very strong recognisable structure as she moves around. I imagine it was quite a lot of work to keep animating it though.

Of course, the arc of season 1 sees Horse gradually transform from this kind of Disney/Dreamworks mode of stylisation to a much more simplified graphical design as in a modern TV cartoon.

Visually, this basically removes all the hard right angles in Horse's original design and replaces them with rounded shapes with few clear boundaries. Thematically, this represents a character adapting to the values of Centaur World, i.e., chilling out, learning to communicate and respect their friends rather than fighting a war. Although Horse initially reacts with horror to her transformation, ultimately this is treated by the narrative as unequivocally good; after the finale, the same starts to happen to Rider; we only see the beginning but eventually she's gonna end up like this:

This sense of design language is pretty pervasive. Notably when we see the past of Centaur World, its designs much more resemble the human characters; for example, a certain deertaur:

This design has considerably more complex shapes and sharper angles compared to the current era of Centaurworld, and symbolically this represents that this is a troubled character (who will eventually become the villain).

My feelings about this very explicit design sensibility (many characters joke about how Horse now resembles two beach balls glued together) is... hmm. Of course, Centaur World is a parable - it signals that we shouldn't take its lore too seriously when it starts going out naming characters things like 'Horse' and 'Rider'. Formally, putting these two animation styles side by side and giving them alternate meanings is a compelling device. It naturally makes sense to add a visual layer to the metaphors in the story.

And yet, I miss the element in the first season where the cuteness was experienced as an imposition; the centaurs heavily implied to be burying themselves in their childlike antics to escape from the war, as a perhaps rather unhealthy thing to do. I feel like more could have been done to either develop ro trouble the implied associations - round/soft/cute/willfully ignorant vs. angled/hard/serious/joyless/unable to connect, maybe even look to find some synthesis instead of ultimately just upholding one pole of the presented dichotomy! Haha maybe that's asking a bit much though...

The other fascinating oddity about it is just how... blatantly they paint the Horse/Rider relationship as romantic. Like basically all the drama they get out of it in S2 is about that! All the narrative beats! I wonder what AO3's done with this...

...fewer than I expected if I'm honest. Actually Nowhere King/Woman seems to be the most popular ship, followed by Splendib/Zulius (reasonable, even if they didn't exactly develop that one much outside of a 'this is happening, here's our ship name' joke). But for a show that spent an entire episode parodying fandom, it's really not got much out there at all. Maybe my expectations are rather uh, miscalibrated by MLPFIM's fandom lmao.

As a story about a war, it's of course not really about a war at all, and all military matters are treated in the vaguest terms, totally subordinate to the character arcs. 'The General' might as well be Dad for all the actual soldiering he does. That's fine though, because it's a story about interpersonal relationships and growth, and the war is just set dressing metaphor. (Rider pleading to do war crimes was funny though.)

Anyway, all in all, it's really got a lot going for it; whatever flaws I see in it I think are mere 'unrealised potential' than anything that really kills it, and I had a great time watching again. Very glad I gave it another go in a less miserable state of mind lmao.

[nonbinarykai]

Ok since two people asked

Why Lloyd is my least favorite ninja and how I rewrite him

Notes:// you know the rodeo by now, long post so it’s going to be under a read more, and I’m not gonna tag this with Lloyd because of the criticisms I have against his character, if you don’t want to hear Lloyd be critiqued then don’t reas the post

Why I don’t like Lloyd

Maybe it’s because I’m a Kai kinnie or maybe it’s because I have a bias agaisnt the younger sibling but Lloyd has never really been a favorite of mine

He was enjoyable in s1 but after that he kinda lost all personality for me and I stopped enjoying him

I think this is mostly for two reasons:

1. His screen time

2. His “character arcs”

I’ll go ahead and knock out his screentime here because it pretty much speaks for himself

Lloyd takes up so much screentime in the show that it’s actually jarring, he’s the character with the most seasons, having s1-2, s4, s8-11, and finally s14 ((the island special)). Which I think makes lloyds writing flaws all the more noticable

A big reason, albeit a bit of a petty one, for why I don’t like him is because he constant hyjacks other characters plots and makes them about him, this happened with Kai in both s4 and s11

Even if he’s not the main focus of a season, he always has a side plot focusing on him like in s3 and s12

The writers need to include Lloyd in other seasons is making it harder for the other main characters to actually have enough screentime to grow and develop on there own

And as a side effect of this, Lloyd gets to become the most important character in every season he is, taking roles from other characters who needed them

My best example is Cole being leader, he was set up and established as leader in the pilots and s1, and he did pretty good in it! Cole being a leader is a interesting concept that I would have loved to see been developed

But after Lloyd grew up they threw that plot point into the trash so they could have the mystical green ninja be leader even though throughout s1-7 he hardly actually talks to the main cast and him being leader doesn’t add any interesting dynamic like cole and kais rivalry despite Kai being a sort of right hand man to Coles leadership.

And in s1-s7 especially everything literally revolves around Lloyd to the point where his existence is more important than everyone else’s, and everyone’s motivations are to protect him.

Again I understand he is important, he’s the green ninja, but you have to let your other characters grow and develop, Lloyd is not the only main character in your show

Like for fuck sakes I don’t need 3 arcs about Lloyd and his dad, can I finally have another Kai season

Lloyds character arcs honestly kinda suck

Im going to be honest with you

Lloyds kinda an ass

The reason I like jay more then Lloyd even though jay has been way more mean spirited then Lloyd throughout the entire series is because you can atleast make the argument that jay doesn’t know when his jokes can hurt. And the show doesn’t portray jay as in the right, he gets what he deserves for some of the meanier things he says.

The same can’t be said about Lloyd

Lloyd says things to the other ninja that is honestly so mean spirited it’s jarring to hear it from him

Best example being when Lloyd told Kai to get over his shit when Kai was grieving in s4

But what makes it so frustrating is that the show always portrays Lloyd like he’s in the right which is why a lot of his character arcs feel flat or uninteresting

The only time this doesn’t apply is in s2 and in s3, in s2 the show paints Lloyd as being unfair to Misako when he RIGHTFULLY gets mad at her for abandoning him, I’ll get back to this later

The second time in s3 is when he’s traveling with Garmadon and having to be taught to balance his powers, which is actually one part of s3 I really liked, it was nice to see these two bond and have Garmadon teach Lloyd something that wu would other wise not teach him. And it’s a real shame the season cut it short AGAIN

The biggest example of the show making Lloyd seem in the right no matter what is in s4, Lloyds whole arc there was to learn how to view things from a different perspective and appreciate the things others have done for him. And this is would work if the show decided to do the same.

Again back to that scene with Lloyd and Kai in s4, the show treats Lloyd as if he’s in the right and it’s never addressed after this. Even though this is supposed to be the beginning of lloyds arc where he’s supposed to learn to view things from a different perspective

This scene would have worked if

1. The show didn’t paint him in the right for this, either by having Lloyd apologize or having the show acknowledged how it might have hurt Kai

2. If the plot Lloyd has remained a side plot instead of taking up the entire focus

Seriously, s4 could have been the ONE season where you can have a Lloyd side plot thats not forced and yet they fucked it up and made it the entire focus of the season thanks a lot.

To quote what I said in my Nya anayalsis awhile back

“I’m not upset that he has a flaw, just that it’s not recognized as one”

Lloyd would work way better as a character if the show just let him have consequences for his actions

Ever since he grew up and got the green ninja role he’s been treated like he can’t do no wrong which is clearly not true

But since we’re already on this topic

Hurting Lloyd doesn’t make him a good character

I feel like Tommy ((and sometimes the fandom)) really misunderstand what the use of suffering for in a story

There atleast 3 reasons writers make there characters suffer

1. To undergo a arc and realize where they have been wrong or to give a character a lot more depth to expand upon

2. If the story is a fallen hero one and the character suffers because of his Huberius

3. If the story is a tragedy

Ninjago is neither a fallen hero story or a tragedy and his pain doesn’t develop him as a character

A lot of writers don’t understand that suffering isn’t what makes a character good, it’s what pushes them to become good, you can’t just throw a character at the wall and expect them to instantly be a well written fleshed out character

A lot of the suffering Lloyd has to endure is mostly for no reason and it’s really mean spirited because it adds nothing to the plot, it’s just there to hurt him

Let’s bring up s11 as an example, Lloyd didn’t HAVE to fight the ice emperor from a writing standpoint, if anything it should have been kais battle because his lose of power and Zane going evil would have been a perfect reflection of s4 and tie it up after it ended kais character a bit open ended

But no let’s have Lloyd do it instead because haha isn’t trauma COOL and HIP

Now to be clear, I’m not saying that all of your stories have to end on a happy ending or anything like that, if your a writer then your allowed to do whatever you want with your personal writing

What I am saying is that ninjago is an actual SHOW made by PROFESSIONAL writers and they can’t understand the concept of a story structure

And the lack of actually addressing his trauma is really bringing down Lloyd as a character

Because it comes to a point where you understand why Lloyd is sometimes mean or distrustful of other people and it’s frustrating because you know that it’s flaws of him that are never going to be fixed because there writers want there trauma baby

How I would rewrite him

I’ve seen a lot of people suggest Lloyd become a villain in a future season and you know what, I sort of agree

But not in the way you think

I feel like it would be way more compelling if Lloyd was a villain but is still a ninja, instead of Lloyd switching sides, the show is switching perspectives

More or less I want Lloyd to be a reflection of the “true” villain, which is how wu ((and subsequently Lloyd)) put small Victories as more important then the ninjas life, passion, and desire, and how there black and white thinking of good and evil ends up to a lot of problems because there’s a lot of grey area there choosing to ignore

I want Lloyd to start of being loyal to wu’s philosophy and the protagonist, for random example let’s say Kai, sudden turn on these ideas in order to look outside the box to find if there truly is a better way to protect people without harming himself

I want Lloyd to be upset over what he thinks is a turn to the dark side when in reality, it would make his motivations make sense and not make his turn to “villainy” be out of character.

And over the course of the season he starts to realize how wus and subsequently his leadership has hurt the others and himself, and have him reflect on if all the pain they suffer through just to clean up wus mistakes is really worth it like wu says, or if there’s a better way like kai says

As for Lloyds actual character himself, I’d like for his flaws to be more noticeable

Have Lloyd be a gifted kid who gets praise when he doesn’t deserve it but still kinda acts like a brat because he’s still mentally like 10

Have him be a control freak who follows the rules way to strictly and is all serious when they have to do missions

Have his idealization of wu be realized and critiqued because honestly wu sucks ass

Would this make his character less like able? Maybe, but then he’d actually have depth and something to improve on

He can still have his s3 and s4 arcs, it’s just now they’re more important because he’s actually learning to be better

AND BEFORE ANYONE SAYS IM PURPOSEFULLY MAKING LLOYD WORSE SO THAT KAI LOOKS BETTER

ILL HAVE YOU KNOW AWHILE BACK I MADE A POST SAYING THE EXACT SAME THING ABOUT KAI AND HIS FLAWS SO THERE (/hj /lh)

[thevalleyisjolly]

Hi there! If you feel up to it, would you be willing to expand a bit more on the idea of white creators creating poc characters who are ‘internally white’, especially in a post-racialized or racism-free setting & how to avoid it? It’s something I’m very concerned about but I haven’t encountered a lot of info about it outside of stories set in real world settings. Thanks & have a good day!

Hey, thanks for asking, anon!  It’s a pretty nuanced topic, and different people will have different takes on it.  I’ll share my thoughts on it, but do keep in mind that other people of colour may have different thoughts on the matter, and this is by no means definitive!  These are things I’ve observed through research, trial and error, my own experiences, or just learning from other writers.

The first thing I guess I want to clarify is that I personally am not opposed to a society without racism in fiction.  It’s exhausting and frankly boring when the only stories that characters of colour get are about racism!  So it’s a relief sometimes to just get to see characters of colour exist in a story without dealing with racism.  That being said, I feel like a lot of the time when creators establish their settings as “post-racial,” they avoid racism but they also avoid race altogether.  Not aesthetically -they may have a few or even many characters with dark skin- but the way the characters act and talk and relate to the world are “race-less” (which tends to end up as default white American/British or whatever place the creator comes from).  Which I have complicated thoughts on, but the most obvious thing that springs to mind is how such an approach implies (deliberately or not) that racism is all there is to the way POC navigate the world.  It’s definitely a significant factor, particularly for POC in Western countries, but it’s not the only thing!  There’s so much more to our experiences than just racial discrimination, and it’s a shame that a lot of “post-racial” or “racism-free” settings seem to overlook that in their eagerness to not have racism (or race) in their stories.

A quick go-to question I ask when I look at characters of colour written/played by white creators is: if this was a story or transcript I was reading, with no art or actors or what have you, would I be able to tell that this character is a character of colour?  How does the creator signal to the audience that this is a character of colour?  A lot of the time, this signal stops after the physical description - “X has dark skin” and then that’s all!  (We will not discuss the issue of racial stereotypes in depth, but it should be clear that those are absolutely the wrong way to indicate a character of colour).

This expands to a wider issue of using dark skin as a be-all-end-all indication of diversity, which is what I mean by “aesthetic” characters of colour (I used the term “internally white” originally but upon further reflection, it has some very loaded implications, many of which I’m personally familiar with, so I apologize for the usage).  Yes, the character may not “look” white, but how do they interact with the world?  Where do they come from?  What is their background, their family?  A note: this can be challenging with diaspora stories in the real world and people being disconnected (forcibly or otherwise) from their heritage (in which case, those are definitely stories that outsiders should not tell).  So let’s look at fantasy.  Even the most original writer in the world bases their world building off existing things in the real world.  So what cultures are you basing your races off of?  If you have a dark skinned character in your fantasy story, what are the real world inspirations and equivalents that you drew from, and how do you acknowledge that in a respectful, non-stereotyped way?

(Gonna quickly digress here and say that there are already so many stories about characters of colour disconnected from their heritage because ‘They didn’t grow up around other people from that culture’ or ‘They moved somewhere else and grew up in that dominant culture’ or ‘It just wasn’t important to them growing up’ and so on.  These are valid stories, and important to many people!  But when told by (usually) white creators, they’re also used, intentionally or not, as a sort of cop-out to avoid having to research or think about the character’s ethnicity and how that influences who they are.  So another point of advice: avoid always situating characters outside of their heritage.  Once or twice explored with enough nuance and it can be an interesting narrative, all the time and it starts being a problem)

Another thing I want to clarify at this point is that it’s a contentious issue about whether creators should tell stories that aren’t theirs, and different people will have different opinions.  For me personally, I definitely don’t think it’s inherently bad for creators to have diverse characters in their work, and no creator can live every experience there is.  That being said, there are caveats for how such characters are handled.  For me personally, I follow a few rules of thumb which are:

Is this story one that is appropriate for this creator to tell?  Some experiences are unique and lived with a meaningful or complex history and context behind them and the people to whom those experiences belong do not want outsiders to tell those stories.

To what extent is the creator telling this story?  Is it something mentioned as part of the narrative but not significantly explored or developed upon?  Does it form a core part of the story or character?  There are some stories that translate across cultures and it’s (tentatively) ok to explore more in depth, like immigration or intergenerational differences.  There are some stories that don’t, and shouldn’t be explored in detail (or even at all) by people outside those cultures.

How is the creator approaching this story and the people who live it?  To what extent have they done their research?  What discussions have they had with sensitivity consultants/readers?  What kind of respect are they bringing to their work?  Do they default to stereotypes and folk knowledge when they reach the limits of their research?  How do they respond to feedback or criticism when audiences point things that they will inevitably get wrong?

Going back to the “race-less” point, I think that creators need to be careful that they’re (respectfully) portraying characters of colour as obvious persons of colour.  With a very definite ‘no’ on stereotyping, of course, so that’s where the research comes in (which should comprise of more than a ten minute Google search).  If your setting is in the real world, what is the background your character comes from and how might that influence the way they act or talk or see the world?  If your setting is in a fantasy world, same question!  Obviously, avoid depicting things which are closed/exclusive to that culture (such as religious beliefs, practices, etc) and again, avoid stereotyping (which I cannot stress enough), but think about how characters might live their lives and experience the world differently based on the culture or the background they come from.

As an example of a POC character written/played well by a white person, I personally like Jackson Wei and Cindy Wong from Dimension 20’s The Unsleeping City, an urban fantasy D&D campaign.  Jackson and Cindy are NPCs played by the DM, Brennan Lee Mulligan, who did a good job acknowledging their ethnicity without resorting to stereotypes and while giving them their own unique characters and personalities.  The first time he acted as Cindy, I leapt up from my chair because she was exactly like so many old Chinese aunties and grandmothers I’ve met.  The way Jackson and Cindy speak and act and think is very Chinese (without being stereotyped), but at the same time, there’s more to their characters than being Chinese, they have unique and important roles in the story that have nothing to do with their ethnicity.  So it’s obvious that they’re people of colour, that they’re Chinese, but at the same time, the DM isn’t overstepping and trying to tell stories that aren’t his to tell.  All while not having the characters face any racism, as so many “post-racialized” settings aim for, because there are quite enough stories about that!

There a couple factors that contribute to the positive example I gave above.  The DM is particularly conscientious about representation and doing his research (not to say that he never messes up, but he puts in a lot more effort than the average creator), and the show also works with a lot of sensitivity consultants.  Which takes me to the next point - the best way to portray characters of colour in your story is to interact with people from that community.  Make some new friends, reach out to people!  Consume media by creators of colour!  In my experience so far, the most authentic Chinese characters have almost universally been created/written/played by Chinese creators.  Read books, listen to podcasts, watch shows created by people of colour.  Apart from supporting marginalized creators, you also start to pick up how people from that culture or heritage see themselves and the world, what kind of stories they have to tell, and just as importantly, what kind of stories they want being told or shared.  In other words, the best way to portray an authentic character of colour that is more than just the colour of their skin is to learn from actual people of colour (without, of course, treating them just as a resource and, of course, with proper credit and acknowledgement).

Most importantly, this isn’t easy, and you will absolutely make mistakes.  I think the most important thing to keep in mind is that you will mess up.  No matter how well researched you are, how much respect you have for other cultures, how earnestly you want to do this right, you will at some point do something that makes your POC audience uncomfortable or even offends them.  Then, your responsibility comes with your response.  Yes, you’ve done something wrong.  How do you respond to the people who are hurt or disappointed?  Do you ignore them, or double down on your words, or try to defend yourself?  Just as importantly, what are you planning to do about it in the future?  If you have a second chance, what are you going to do differently?  You will make mistakes at some point.  So what are you going to do about them?  That, I think, is an even more important question than “How can I do this right?”  You may or may not portray something accurately, but when you get something wrong, how are you going to respond?

Essentially, it all comes down to your responsibility as a creator.  As a creator, you have a responsibility to do your due diligence in research, to remain respectful to your work and to your audience, and to be careful and conscientious about how you choose to create things.  It’s not about getting things absolutely perfect or being the most socially conscious creator out there, it’s about recognizing your responsibilities as a creator with a platform, no matter how big or small, and taking responsibility for your work. 

In summary:

Research, research, research

Avoid the obvious no-no’s (stereotypes, tokenization, fetishization, straight up stealing from other cultures, etc) and think critically about what creative choices you’re making and why

Do what you’re doing now, and reach out to people (who have put themselves out there as a resource).  There are tons of resources out there by people of colour, reach out when you’re not sure about something or would like some advice!

Responsibility, responsibility, responsibility

Thank you for reaching out!  Good luck with your work!

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

It annoys me when people complain about Julian and call him “whiny “. The person that John hurt the most throughout his whole life is his own son! I feel like this gets glossed over because he was more attentive to Sean “At least he was a good father to one of his children”. John failed Julian massively. Having Sean should’ve motivated him to try harder with Julian but I feel like it demotivated him because he realised how much of Julian’s life he missed and that made him feel bad about himself. Even in May’s book she says that John would’ve avoided Julian for the rest of his life to avoid feeling bad about himself & the choices he made with his life. And even when he got his visa he was happy to fly to other countries but not the country containing his son! I mean c’mon that’s very shitty and inexcusable. People can’t relate to John’s callous treatment of Julian so it’s downplayed and undermined by the excuse of “Oh well, John was better with Sean”. I know John appeared more motivated towards the end but doesn’t absolve him of the damage and pain he already caused to his son.

I try to understand John’s neglect of Julian from his perspective - I don’t want to excuse or justify it, but I still want to know what was going through his head to make him treat Julian the way he did - but I just can’t really understand it in the same way I feel like I can empathise with a lot of John’s other flaws. Like I feel like I can understand Johns mistreatment of certain people, or his mood swings, or his anger etc. But when it comes to Julian I struggle to understand him, and I just think its such a shame that Julian never got the closure he deserved with John. But I guess a few things to keep in mind when discussing this are:

1. Alfs abandonment

That Johns father, Alfred, abandoned him at such a young age, this might have affected John in such a way that made connecting with children a real challenge. Of course, he ideally still would’ve made an effort to connect with Julian more - but I guess that this was 1963, and he was someone who at this point had had absolutely no therapy. John’s own father I think was placed in an orphanage around the age of 5, so this neglect and abandonment appeared to be a bit of a cycle within the Lennon family-tree. Alf didn’t develop the neurones to be able to connect with his son the way a father ideally should be able to, and therefore John had trouble forming these connections too.

A real tragic story regarding this disconnect is one that ive heard Paul tell a few times (see this interview at 6:24 to hear him tell it). He essentially compares his ability to just naturally connect with children, to John’s inability to do the same; Paul grew up in a household where children and babies alike were around all the time - and in addition to this, there seemed to have been a lot more affection involved in his early environment compared to Johns. So when Paul was able to pal around at ease with Julian, John asked “How do you do that?” - and its unfortunately just not something you can just learn. I think John did want to be able to relate to Julian, and a part of him wanted to be a real dad - but I guess he just lacked the initiative to do so, as well as not having the needed facilities provided for him to be able to function as “good” parent (< or in other words, that man needed alottttttttt of therapy omg—)

2. Aunt Mimi’s coldness

I think by now its sort of been established that im not Mimi’s no. 1 fan - I don’t hate her, and I think she genuinely loved John, but ive been pretty critical of what I perceive her parenting style to be like. One aspect of this parenting style is that I think she was cold and deprecating towards John, which I presume took a toll on his relationships in such a way that made him susceptible to cynicism and even bitter contempt towards those he loved most.

“She never hit him: her worst punishment was to ignore him…When she did, he’d plead, ‘Don’t ‘nore me, Mimi!’” - I think that this type of parenting style could have effected the way John relates to Julian, perhaps making him feel it was okay to abandon him, maybe as a result of some unrecognised childhood angst or revenge.

Theres also a story where I think John said something to Julian a long the lines of, “I hate your laugh!”. Like, Jules was just some four year old living his life and then John, his own father, had this massive fucking mood swing. I feel bad for Julian cause my parents were like this (had random fucking mood swings and said some pretty contemptuous things) so I can empathise with him. At the same time though, I feel like I can understand John getting these mood swings (although, I don’t think that showing that kind of contempt towards a child is at all acceptable, and assuming that this sort of thing was a regular occurrence, I would say he was emotionally abusive towards Julian. Maybe John got these mood swings from Mimi (check this post for more on that).

3. Yoko’s influence and isolation

I think we first have to take into account here that John had a history of neglecting and failing Julian, and from what im aware of, he only started making contact with him again during his ‘Lost Weekend’ after being encouraged to do so by May Pang. So I don’t think we can make Yoko take all the blame for Johns neglect of Julian (and certainly not his emotional abuse towards Julian). But I think we have to also account for the fact that Julian has stated Yoko would refuse to put him through when he would ring his dad. And I just don’t know how much John had to do with that - as in, I don’t if John knew Yoko was isolating him to the extent that she did, or if he was unaware that she was rejecting several important and significant figures in his life.

For what its worth, Julia Baird wrote in her memoir of John urging (or really, begging) her to go to Cynthias house and ask Julian to phone him, because he hadn’t been able to get through to Julian, and he was trying to construct a better relationship with him around this time (this was before Sean was born, like you said, he seemed to lose motivation with Julian after Sean was born). I don’t know why Julian wasn’t taking his calls around this time - John seemed to think it had something to do with Cynthia, perhaps it was an autonomous decision made by Julian, perhaps it was entirely just a misunderstanding; I don’t know.

When it comes to Yoko, im conflicted - to some extent, I think John was being manipulated by her, and she was clearly isolating (even abusing) him - but also, he’s a grown man, and so he had to take the initiative for his own life. So I don’t know, but id say she is still partly responsible for spoiling Johns relationship with Julian.

~ ~ ~

At the end of the day, all I can really say is that John was just a classic case of parents needing therapy before they start, y’know, parenting - but it was 1963, and thats just not something most people underwent back then, especially people with more complex and unrecognised traumas, as well as mental illnesses that, whilst prevalent, may not have been so apparent. To clarify that point, I think John could function well-enough in his day to day life to be able to get by, because I don’t think his traits of mental illness tended to disrupt his life to such a degree that he could not function (at least not in 1963, though in later years, id argue more so they did; but even still, I don’t think John tended to struggle with mania or psychosis etc.) But I think he was still dealing with mental illness in a way that wrecked almost all meaningful relationships for him, as well as made feeling love and functioning as an emotionally stable and consistent person, a real hardship and challenge for him. And this inability to feel loved and cared for etc. made being a parent, quite simply, impractical. He needed therapy, and its a shame he died before ever receiving real therapy because it would’ve been interesting to see how John might have come to terms with really acknowledging his failures as a parent, and because Julian might have gotten some real closure with his dad.

All in all, I think Phillip Larkin said it best

[nocapesdahling]

As the World Falls Down - Chapter 3

Helmut Zemo x Gender Neutral Reader

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Chapter Summary:  In which you have a plan to save yourself and Alena, but have no idea if it’s going to work. Either way, you have to try.

Rating: Mature (17+)

Chapter Warnings/Tags: Slow Burn; Angst; Misunderstandings that lead to angst; Established canon character deaths; Did I mention angst?

A/N: We have reached the end of Part 1 and the Age of Ultron arc. I hope you’ve enjoyed it so far, and would love to hear your thoughts. 

Chapter 3: Beneath a Fallen Sky (Age of Ultron) - Part 1

Word Count: 2.4k

You made sure Alena was strapped in tightly on your chest and that everything was in place. With time running out and Novi Grad continuing to rise, it was as good as it was going to get. You needed to move now. You had your prototype boots and gauntlets, which should allow you to fly. You hoped they would at least. Your main consolation was that they worked during testing, even if that had been in a controlled environment.

You had always admired Tony Stark, being something of a child prodigy yourself and starting college at a similar age to him. When you had first seen the Iron Man suit, your first thoughts had been of awe like any person who got a glimpse of Iron Man. Yet most people probably didn’t think what you had thought later, while considering the technology behind the suit and how to go about making your own.

Well, if he can do it then why can’t I? How hard could it be, really?

It turned out to be a bit more difficult than you’d thought, but you had developed something after much trial and error. However, you hadn’t tested anything in the open air yet. The previous test was only a short one to see if your prototypes would work and you had hovered a few feet over solid ground at most. That was why your plan only had a 65% success rate, but you had confidence in your technology and hope. In Sokovia, you couldn’t get far without hope.

You noticed the air getting thin as the city continued to rise, so you fitted Alena with an oxygen mask. You had a tank available in your apartment for squad emergencies, and were amazed how many times it had been used in the past. Your squad got into the oddest situations. There had been Andrei’s mission with the diplomat and the ice cream swimming pool and Mila’s with the yacht and the hammerhead sharks. All classified of course.

You digressed. There were more important things to consider right now, even as you wondered how your squad would take the loss of their handler when Helmut told them. You knew that it would hit them harder than they would ever admit. They emulated Helmut’s stoicism when in the field and today was still a mission, even if it was unlike any other. The destruction of one’s home was not something any of them had encountered before. If you couldn’t be there, then you hoped your gadgets would help to protect them today and in the future. You planned to be there.

You clipped the oxygen tank to your tactical gear and hoped that it wouldn’t unbalance you too much. You would need all the balance you could muster if this plan were to succeed.

Once you were as ready as you could be, it was time. The city had to fall at some point and you wanted to be in the air when it did as the height it had reached would cause a destructive impact radius. You brushed a kiss to Alena’s head, seeing her little feet kicking and knowing that she was awake.

“Not the best timing, little one. This might be a bit scary, Alena, so I wanted you to know that I love you. Already. So much. I think I loved you as soon as I saw you. Wish us luck, my little Alena Heike. We’re going to need it.”

With that and the realization that you had reached the edge of the city, you took a deep breath, taking one last glance back at the city that had been your home for most of your life. Then, you braced yourself, stepped off the edge, and flew. Well, you took a moment to stabilize yourself as the only other time you had done this was in a local park in the middle of the night and then you had grass to land on not open sky. But then, you flew.

You flew like the birds you had admired for their freedom and grace and like Iron Man. Tony Stark had nothing on you. You let out a joyful laugh, forgetting your circumstances for a moment. You forgot the swarm of robots on the other side of the city, the fact that your home was in the process of being destroyed, that you may never see Helmut again, and that you weren’t sure if you and your baby would get out of this alive. Nothing else mattered at that moment because you were flying.

Then you were shocked back to the present as to your disbelief the city began to freefall, plummeting quickly and devastatingly towards Earth before exploding mid air. You could see from where you were that it looked like Iron Man and Thor had blown it up somehow, but you couldn’t understand why the Avengers hadn’t been able to stop it from falling in the first place.

Why hadn’t they been able to save Sokovia? They had saved New York. It didn’t make sense. The world had painted them as infallible. These were Earth’s heroes? They did not look so “Mighty” now.

The debris began to land too hard and too fast. It looked like it would impact more of the surrounding area than you had anticipated.

You gasped in horror, the tears freezing on your cheeks. If a building was hit with debris of that size, then the result would be catastrophic. You worried immediately for your squad and Helmut, turning on your earpiece with frantic movements even as you unbalanced without one of your gauntlets.

You tried Helmut. You tried Ana, Branko, Claudia, Andrei, and the other members of your squad. No one answered.

The base wasn’t that far away, not when you calculated the radius of the debris. It would be difficult, but you could make it there. You had to make it there. You needed to know.

You flew above and around where the debris was falling and jerkily made your way towards the base, still not as smooth as you wished you were or as fast as you wanted to be. You arrived to the sight you hoped not to see.

The base had been hit by a large piece of debris from the city and was collapsing in on itself. You landed as smoothly as you could a distance away and caught yourself on a tree, falling to your knees. No one could have survived that.

Helmut was gone. Helmut Zemo was dead.

Your chest hurt and your vision was blurry as your mind whirled.

You had survived, while Helmut had died. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. You would never see him again.

How did this happen?!, was your last thought before slumping backwards into a faint.

In your horror at the base’s collapse, you had forgotten the existence of its reinforced underground bunker where technology did not work and where your entire squad including their leader, Colonel Helmut Zemo, waited for the dust of Novi Grad to settle. Very much alive and in quiet mourning for their lost Q. They would exit through the tunnels a few hours later, coming out miles away from where you collapsed.

In fact, you wouldn’t recall the bunker’s existence until a little over a year later and by then it would be too late.

---------------------------------

You awoke in the hospital. It took you a moment to realize what had happened and where you were. With that, came the realization in your mind that you would never see Helmut or hear his deep voice calling you his Q ever again. Despite the gaping hole in your chest and your desire to let yourself be numb, you needed to find Alena. You gasped and sat up too quickly before falling backwards out of dizziness.

You breathed in and out to calm yourself the way you often had as you assisted your squad in the completion of missions, and clicked the button to raise the bed as you looked around the room. You were in a gown and had no idea what had happened to your gauntlets and boots, but hoped they had been destroyed in the landing.

You heard Helmut’s voice in your head as you pinpointed the potential exits and any possible weapons.

“The first step, my Q, is to always survey your surroundings. Get your bearings and be prepared for anything. Be prepared to fight, but also to run if necessary. There is no shame in running. Running can save your life and I, my darling Q, would much rather see you alive .”

You smiled bitterly before letting it fade. You were not in any shape to run at the moment, and Helmut was no longer there to advise you. Your memories of him would have to suffice.

As you surveyed the room, you glimpsed your pack in the corner of the room and what looked like your highly damaged prototypes alongside it. There next to your bed was a crib and laying inside was Alena, who looked clean, like she had been changed, and who was sleeping soundly.

You let a small and real smile touch your lips. She was safe. You were safe. Both of you were alive. Helmut was not.

No, you couldn’t let yourself think of it. Not now. Maybe, not ever.

You pressed the call button for the nurse, hoping this was a real hospital and not some elaborate plot. It looked real, but one could never be sure.

“Finally awake, are you? Good, I’m glad to see it. I was beginning to worry about what might happen to your daughter.” The nurse said in rapid fire Sokovian as she bustled into the room.

“Yes, thank you. How long have we been here and where are we?” You had to clear your throat multiple times and even then your voice came out as a rasp.

The nurse poured some water into a cup, drank it, and then offered you some as well. “You probably do not remember, but you were rescued three days ago. You have been awake sporadically, and even then you were groggy. That is why you do not remember. For your second question, you are in a hospital in the Czech Republic. We are taking care of multiple Sokovian refugees.”

“But you are speaking Sokovian?”

The nurse frowned and leaned closer. She looked like she wanted to pat your hand or hold it. You were glad she did not. “Sokovia is gone. This time for good. There were not many survivors. My mother was Sokovian. I thought a familiar language might be of comfort to you. It has been to the other survivors we’re treating.”

You attempted to read her face and her eyes like Helmut had taught you. She drank the water before giving you some, which was a point in her favor.  She also did not look like a plant and you let yourself relax a bit, but kept your guard up in case you were wrong. You knew that Novi Grad had been destroyed and the devastation the debris must have caused, but it was hard to believe that your country was gone. It had been failing for years, but it was still yours. Yours, Heike’s, Carl’s, Alena’s, and Helmut’s. Now, it would only exist in the memory of its survivors.

You pushed the thought of Helmut aside for the moment, but at the thought of Heike and Carl you knew what question needed to be asked. “Have they released a list of survivors?”

“Not yet, but I do not want you to get your hopes up.”

You hated to think that the nurse was right, that Heike and Carl were also gone. They had been miles from the city however, so you had to hold on to hope for their sake. You could not consider never seeing Heike’s hair in the sunlight or Carl’s smiling face again. They were part of your family. You needed to find out what happened to them. “Please let me know as soon as they release the list.”

“I will, dear. I will.” The nurse gave you a pained smile that looked more like a grimace. “Now, we got your name and identification from your pack. I was in charge of your admission papers, and did not include any reference to your military rank to be safe. Sokovia is gone, so I did not want it to make you a target. What you were wearing alone looked like it would draw some attention.”

You nodded and thought briefly, knowing that had only happened because the nurse had ties to Sokovia. She was showing honest care and concern in the best way she could, and you appreciated it. You had been correct in her not being a plant then. You pictured Helmut’s smile when you told him that you were putting his training to good use, before remembering that he was…

You couldn’t bring yourself to think the word. You had to keep it together. You couldn’t falter now. Not when Alena was counting on you.

You realized the nurse was still waiting for some kind of answer. “Thank you. A civilian life might be just what I need.”

The nurse smiled back, “Yet, we have no information on this little one. I have a birth certificate here to fill out. You are one of her parents, yes?” Alena continued to sleep in her crib, oblivious to the world around her.

“Yes,” you swallowed and rapidly thought of how to answer the next question that you knew was coming.

“And her other parent?”

“He died in Sokovia,” you felt a tear roll down your cheek. You wondered if you were prepared to continue. Saying it out loud made it real.

“I’m sorry to hear that, dear.” The nurse did pat your hand this time in commiseration before withdrawing when you tensed up. “Would you still like to put his name on the certificate?”

You steadied your breathing and hoped that when (you couldn’t bring yourself to think if) you found Heike, wherever she may be, that she would understand. You knew that you could not regret this decision. It felt too right for that.

“Yes,” you responded haltingly. The words seemed to catch in your throat. “His name is… Helmut Zemo and our baby’s name is Alena Heike Zemo.”

End of Part 1 - To Be Continued in Part 2: Burn it to the Ground…

A/N:  I know this chapter was angsty, but I hope you enjoyed part 1 of this fic. Part 2 will not have as regular updates because Part 1 was pre-written, but I’m working on it. Thank you all for reading!

[chibimyumi]

What do you think about OCiel and Vincent? What is their relationship? When we see Vincent he is always with RCiel and he hug him and not our earl, and when OCiel talk about Vincent he call him his predecessor and not his father!

Dear Anon,

That is a very good question because that is indeed very hard to tell. The Book of Flashbacks did last for very long in real time, but we actually only saw the interaction between Vincent and O!Ciel sporadically spread across 4 chapters.

Though it had been short, in the very least there is some level of objectivity because the flashbacks are being told by the omniscient storyteller. It could not have been O!Ciel, R!Ciel or Takana’s subjective pov, because in most scenes at least one of them was missing. However, that it was told by the omniscient storyteller doesn’t mean we have seen everything. Yana does leave things out when its unnecessary like a competent storywriter would. We don’t need to know everything. In storytelling often “less is more”.

Now with that caveat established, let us look at whatever interaction we do see. But before we do so, we must first discuss what “parental love” even is.

What is parental love?

In the flashbacks Vincent’s affection is indeed mostly for his firstborn son. Even though we want to believe all parents love all their children equally and naturally, sometimes parents just love one child a little bit more. Even if parents do love all their children equally, it is also nothing weird that they “like” one child more than the other. Not unlike any other relationship, love between parent and child is also something that grows from building and investing in. Parental love is not a magically natural element in our DNA after all, as researched by Prof. Sarah Blaffer Hrdy on the “social construct of parental love”. Don’t worry, no need for moral panic; that parental love is socially constructed doesn’t make it any less deep or real. It’s just that because parental love too needs building, the more positive interaction you have with a child, the stronger the bond often.

Because O!Ciel was so sickly from age five on it hindered him from normal participation in family activities. Therefore it is only normal that Vincent could bond less with him, making his greater closeness with his elder son quite inevitable.

Vincent’s closeness with R!Ciel is in fact more out of the ordinary for their time. At least until early 20th century fathers did not have a parental role as we know it now. They were responsible as the “legal owners” of the child, but “parenting” was not part of their duty. It is not for nothing that when we hear “mothering” most people think of “child-rearing, raising and loving”, but when we hear “fathering”, it’s just... impregnating someone. Because that had been the actual definition for centuries!

Vincent’s parental love?

In chapter 131 I would argue we get the best indication of how far Vincent’s love goes for his second son. They had a family trip planned, but due to illness O!Ciel could not participate. In the back Vincent does look appropriately concerned, but we don’t know about what exactly. Put a pin📌 in there, I will come back to this a bit later.

Rachel judged O!Ciel’s condition too ill to go, and suggested postponing the boat trip, not Vincent. (In Japanese “we can go another time” was spoken in a speech pattern Vincent doesn’t use, so it’s definitely Rachel talking.)

Vincent doesn’t say anything so we don’t know what he thought about his wife’s proposal. Meanwhile, his seven-year-old had already selflessly offered to stay behind as not to spoil the fun of others.

What really caught my attention was how there was so little attempt to include O!Ciel. Rachel only said one “but...” and then immediately gave in to a seven-year-old.

Vincent did not even attempt to not exclude his son. He was like:

That is what I meant earlier by: “we don’t know about what exactly [he is concerned about]”  where I asked you to put the pin📌. It might as well have been:

Vincent and Rachel are rich adults, they should be able to judge that them skipping one boat-trip is something they can get over with. Leaving a young child behind who is regularly excluded from everything and clearly so upset having to be excluded again was apparently a less bigger deal than skipping something they could easily afford again. O!Ciel was so used to being excluded he had normalised that for himself, and was forced to learn selfless sacrifice. That is not healthy for any child that young!

If you can’t tell that this poor child was lying about “everything being fine” you’re actively unseeing it. R!Ciel is but a seven-year-old, so he is blameless. Papa, mama, looking at you though! ( Ò_Ó💢) I mean, dear readers, would any of you have left a sick young child behind to go on a trip??? It could be that Vincent really wanted to bring his recovered wife on a trip and that’s important to him, but to sacrifice your sick child for that?

We have not seen everything to judge whether in total Rachel was more, equally, or less often ill than O!Ciel. However, from what we have seen, every time O!Ciel was excluded, Rachel in the very least was doing better. This really paints a picture that overall, Rachel misses out on stuff less often than O!Ciel had to. And again, unlike young children, as an adult you can rationalise that. In my opinion if you’re unwilling to reschedule a trip to include everyone while it is within your ability, you are selfish parents. R!Ciel wouldn’t have thrown a tantrum, but even if he did, it’s your literal job as parents to rationalise that with him. So doing it for R!Ciel is no excuse.

“Predecessor” instead of “father”?

Yes that is indeed an interesting point you bring up! After O!Ciel returned as the Earl he indeed only referred to his parents as “father and mother” at the graves one last time. Afterwards she has consistently referred to Vincent as “predecessor”.

I however would argue this has nothing to do with his bond (or lack thereof) with Vincent. He also refers to R!Ciel using the formal term for brother (兄・ani) instead of the better-known “niisan” (big bro). And we know for a fact that they did have a deep bond. I would say that O!Ciel calling Vincent “predecessor” is because he does not wish to be seen as childish because he is trying to be taken as an adult.

In Japanese “father” as used by O!Ciel is “otousama” (お父様), which is polite but a bit childish. “Otousama” is vocative, meaning it is a word you use to call your own father; like “papa”. In formal company you won’t say to someone: “my papa said...” That sounds very childish and unprofessional. People nowadays do use the common version “otousan” to refer to their own father to others, but that is generally only acceptable in casual company. To my friends I might say: “my papa (otousan) said”, but to my superiours I would NEVER.

As O!Ciel never again addresses his father (because he is dead), it is only logical that he stopped using the vocative “otousama”. For nobles when talking about their late fathers, using “predecessor” is actually standard in Japanese culture. It is just one of the things that are natural in Japanese but get clunky in translation.

Conclusion

For Victorian standards Vincent’s involvement (or lack thereof) with O!Ciel was actually entirely normal. It was his involvement with his elder son that was quite exceptional. Judging from his lack of attempt to not exclude his sick child however, I would say Vincent didn’t love O!Ciel as much as he did R!Ciel. (Or... he just hated missing out on fun more than he loved O!Ciel, which is possible too). Not saying he did not love O!Ciel, just not as much as he did others.

Vincent was raised in a male-supremacist, ableist society, and was probably unaffected by these problems being an able-bodied, smart man himself. We know Vincent is a terrible exploiter and how he treats others, and therefore it would be unsurprising if he would hold his “disabled” male child in lesser regard than his “able” male eldest child. We don’t know why Vincent married Rachel or why he liked her, but women being frail was in fact considered no problem or even “attractive” in the 19th century (as long as she could get babies). For men though? SHAME!

[shadowfae]

We’re all pretty aware that the tumblr otherkin community is at a huge decline; I was wondering if you have any theories as to why that is?

American Protestantism, the decline of queer oppression in North America and the AIDS crisis, helicopter parenting, web 3.0, morality politics, and  Tumblr’s porn ban; roughly in that order and rolled up into one bombshell that was a few years in the coming but nobody really saw it and understood it until it was far too late.

That was a mouthful and probably only made sense if you follow current cyberpolitical theory. For some of you reading this, as with every other hot take I have this has a chance of being passed around, that alone is enough. But for others who had no idea what I just said and need the ELI5 version, let me explain that. Buckle up, this’ll be a long one, and will go into fandom history a bit as well because it is actually relevant.

As we know, tumblr is a very American-centric platform. Twitter is also this way, but less so, but tumblr has it bad. Now, I’m ‘lucky’ in the fact that I’m Canadian and a twenty minute drive from the American border, so that puts me in the ‘privileged’ majority. (I say privileged because I’m not really sure what else to call it. Most of the information going around about politics either directly affects me or indirectly affects me approximately one or two links of contact away. Someone who’s only influenced by American politics because it makes their sister’s online friends sad is not going to be privileged in that way.)

This means that American politics and their social climate overwhelmingly affects tumblr’s social climate. This also bleeds through into other fandom spaces, on twitter, instagram, and Pixiv to name a few places; but here’s where I spend the majority of my time so here’s what I’ve witnessed.

America’s main religion, as far as I understand (from the raised agnostic and currently neopagan view I have), is some weirdass capitalistic-Protestantism that is so many miles from what the actual Bible says that if I were a betting man and knew more about cults than I did, I’d say it’s some weird fucking cult and never set foot in the country again for any reason that isn’t gaming free shipping through a PO box. If you have no idea what I just said but are at least vaguely familiar with Christianity, this graphic explains it pretty well. So we can see there’s some glaring issues with that ideal.

The decline of queer oppression and the rise of queer rights in North America, which is to tenderly include my own country but we all know when people say ‘in NA’ they mean ‘America, and Canada where it applies because the right-wing Republicans are really good in the propaganda department to convince everyone that Mexico is a drug-lords-and-anarchy wasteland to the point where even I don’t actually know what’s down there other than bad drivers and heat’; means two things. One, it’s a good thing by a long shot and do not mistake this as me thinking queer oppression being lessened is a bad thing. But two, it means that thanks to the AIDS crisis, queer folks lost a lot of first-person sources as history.

The queer elders in NA who survived are typically either a) bitter anarchists who are often POC, probably still dirt poor and do recreational drugs or b) university-tenured TERFs (trans exclusionary radical feminists). Category A are the people who Republicans have deemed worthless in every way, because racism, queerphobia, ableism, and all the other ways to be wrong and different and Evil that they can’t handle, because Jeezus would never want them to actually learn to love someone who wasn’t just like them, and they don’t have the compassion to do better. Category B are the people who want to be different in just a teensie little bit, typically with TERFs they want to be lesbians, but they don’t want to challenge the status quo. They’re fine with the way things work, they just want to be on top oppressing others over ripping the whole damn thing down and building a more forgiving system.

Now, due to all those ‘isms and the cheerfully malicious aid of the Republicans, pun not intended but drives home the cruelty of it all, we also see the rise of helicopter parenting. The invention of the internet did not really help this. Basically what you’ve got is a whole bunch of parents who saw the civil rights movement, just got access to the internet and things going viral, know the world is changing, and like all parents, they’re scared for their children. Now instead of parents knowing one or two people in their classes who just went missing one day and everyone assumed they ran away, they hear about eight homicides in the city of kids going to parks at night and dying. The Satanic Panic was another event around this time that contributed to that, but I’ll let you research that one.

This means that all of these parents, instead of doing what their parents typically did and let their kids wander off for the day so long as they’re back by sundown, they can’t let their children out of their sight. There might be a freak accident where their child is decapitated on the playground swing! Their baby might get murdered by an evil Satanist walking home from school! Their dearest darling might go online and tell their address to someone who’s got a 100% chance of being a pedophile who will show up and kidnap them in the night!

…You get the idea. 

Combine those three things I just established, what we’ve got is a lot of queer kids who have a lot of internalized shame for being different and wrong, because they’re queer, and they can’t find spaces offline to be themselves, because all of the elders who would do that are dead and/or inaccessible and their parents won’t let them go to any clubs that aren’t school-related, which they’ll never find a GSA or queer club because Republicans, ‘isms, propaganda, and the war on Category A queer adults have all done their best to ensure that those spaces don’t exist.

So you have a generation of kids who I am the youngest of. The first generation on the internet. The late Web 1.0 (usenets and Geocities) and early Web 2.0 (livejournal was the big one, ff.net too, also 4chan but fuck those guys) generation. What we were taught was: trust nobody on the internet with your real info no matter how much you like them, this is a wilderness and any crimes that happen won’t be punished or seen so don’t put yourself in a position where you’re going to be the victim of one, and everything you put online is never getting taken down so don’t put anything up that you’re not willing to have on the front page of your local newspaper.

This worked out pretty well, actually! You had kids who knew that if they got in trouble, there was no backup coming to save them. Because the form that backup might take - parents and police - wasn’t going to help. Best case, they’d be banned from their friends and online support groups for being queer. Worst case, they’d be jailed and put in juvie and conversion therapy and turn to drugs and become evil Satanists just like everyone says they secretly are already. So they learned very quickly to take care of themselves. Nobody was going to save them, so they learned to not need saving.

And then, well, Web 2.0 shifted to Web 3.0. Livejournal died because parents - the Warriors for Innocence was the big name - went “gasp how horrible my children are being exposed to the evil pedos and homosexuals they’re going to do drugs and die of AIDS!”. Which is uh. It’s filled with a lot of bigotry, and I’m not excusing them - absolutely I am not - but you can kind of see where they’re coming from, if you tilt your head and squint.

Either way, LJ died, tumblr took its place, Facebook was fast taking off, and the fandom folks who had seen mailing lists go inactive, web admins take their fanfic sites down due to copyright, entire fandoms burnt to the ground in flame wars, said ‘fuck that we’re making our own place’ and that’s how AO3 got made.

That’s important. A lot of folks move to AO3, because well, the rules let them. The rules say ‘you can throw literally anything up here so long as it’s fan content and is not literally illegal, so we don’t get taken down’. It’s a swing for the first generation internet users, those kids who know this place is a wilderness and are carving out our own sanctuary.

But. The children under us. The children for whom AIDS is a nightmarish fairy tale, for whom the ghost stories are conversion therapy, for whom know they can’t really talk to their parents about being queer but can trust they probably won’t get kicked out over it. The children who haven’t spent ten seconds without supervision except online, and their reaction isn’t ‘oh thank god I’m finally free to express myself’ but ‘if I get in trouble, who will protect me?’.

And there’s nobody there. Because we went in knowing there was no backup. And that was fine. But now, the actual adults have figured out that hey uh, maybe we should make cyber laws? Maybe we should make revenge porn and grooming children over the internet crimes? And they grew up with that. They grew up learning that no, even if your parents are suffocating and controlling, they’re always be there for you! Some adult will always be there to protect you!

That isn’t the case. It’s not. But they expect it, because it’s always been done for them. They don’t really want to change the status quo, because that means doing it themselves. They can’t do that, because they don’t know how, they’ve been controlled for every single part of their lives thanks to helicopter parenting and without that control, they don’t know how to keep their lives together, and they demand someone come and control it for them, without restraining them.

Effectively, they want someone to ensure they never face the consequences of their actions. Helicopter parents will rescue you from whatever you did, because you’re their precious baby and it doesn’t matter if you punched a kid, you can do no wrong and the other kid clearly started it.

But being queer is doing wrong. Being queer is something Jeezus doesn’t approve of. So they want to make it something he could approve of! But if it’s too off what they consider to be okay, if it’s too different and weird and wrong and evil, that can’t do, that’s still bad, and they’re precious angels, and children, and minors, why are we the adults not protecting them and letting them see it? Why aren’t we being just like their parents  but queer-friendly, why aren’t we protecting the children?

The adults who taught us were the children of those who died as a result of AIDS. The eldest of my generation knew some of them personally. My therapist’s younger brother died at 20 of AIDS, and she told me what it was like. But they don’t have that. These kids of web 3.0, they don’t have that. What they have is over-controlling parents, and the expectation that someone will always be there to protect them but hopefully in ways that don’t hurt them this time, no real understanding of why Category A queer elders are the way they are, and so much internalized shame that they have to do some pretty fancy logic-leaping to keep them from collapsing entirely.

They can’t turn into Category A queer youngsters, because they don’t know how to unravel the system around them, because they’ve never had to actually make choices in their lives and live with the consequences, because they don’t have the example of how to do it. They can’t unravel their internalized shame because again, that’s hard and they don’t have their parents to take away the consequences and pain. It doesn’t come easy to them, so it may as well not come at all.

But, you ask, if Category A queer elders aren’t around to teach the kids, then how are they learning anything positive at all? Well, Category B, our university-tenured TERFs, who don’t want to change the status quo but want to just be at the top of it instead.

For a lot of kids who don’t know how to make hard choices but want to be queer, this is an extremely attractive option. But when they go online to queer spaces, a lot of them say fuck terfs, we don’t support your hate, and they go ‘yeah okay that makes sense’. They can say fuck terfs without ever actually questioning why terfs are bad. They’re Bad and Evil, just like drug addicts, just like fairytale nazis, just like the evil homophobes.

And we saw them say ‘yeah fuck terfs’ and we were like, ‘aight you got it’ and we never questioned if they actually understood us. They didn’t. They didn’t, and we didn’t do enough to fix it, because not enough of us realized the problem. So terfs got a little sneaky. They hid behind dogwhistles and easy little comments, hiding their rhetoric in queer theory that you’ll absolutely miss if you just memorize it and never actually question it and understand why that point is being made.

This goes back to America sucking, because their school system is far more focused on rote memorization over actual logic and understanding of the text. They’re engaging with queer theory the way they’ve been taught, which is memorize and don’t think, don’t question. Besides, questioning and understanding is hard. Being shown different points of view and asked what they think is not only hard but requires them to go against all of the conditioning that says to just listen and agree and never question it, which goes back to tearing the system and internalized shame down, and we’ve established they can’t do that so naturally they don’t do that.

This begets, then, the rise of exclusionary politics. They’re turning into Category B queer youngsters, because we told them ‘hey that’s a terf talking point what are you doing’ and they never questioned why. They learned you can do all sorts of things, just don’t say X, Y, or Z, because they never thought deeply about it.

The children who have grown on Web 3.0 do not want to do any heavy lifting to make things easier for themselves long-run. They want to do as little as possible and have things get better for them. There isn’t enough of us left in Category A, because Category B terfs are very good at recruiting young folks and Cat. A is overwhelming poor, dead, and easily dismissed in the system as evil and bad, so we can’t exactly convince the young folks to listen. If all of the young kids could agree to tear down the system, a lot more older folks might listen. Change always starts with the young, and there’s a reason for that.

But Republicans have figured out, if you get people fighting, they never put together a force that can actually stop you. TERFs, who want the exact same thing as Republicans but with themselves on top, are doing this to queer youth, and Cat. A elders can’t fight back because there isn’t enough of them and the odds are against them, and the young folk like me who follow their lead.

People can kinda handle gay people. It’s not so far from the acceptable normal that it’s impassable. But you want them to handle kinky people? Gay people of colour? Kinky gay people of colour? Trans people? Those are bridges too far to step across. The original idea was to get the foot in the door with marriage equality and inch our way through with racial equality, sex positivity, dismantling ableism and perisexism (forgive me if that isn’t the word for anti-intersex ‘ism), and see if we can’t patch up the system instead of inciting a civil war over this and have to tear down the system entirely.

Well, we might’ve managed that if not for AIDS being the perfect ‘Jeezus is killing all the evil gay people for being sinners’ propaganda machine. As it stands now, not a chance in hell. So long as Republicans and terfs keep everyone fighting, nobody has the power to dismantle their empire, and they stay in power.

So then, you ask me, “Lu what the fuck does that have to do with the decline of otherkinity on tumblr???” and now that you’ve got all that background knowledge, here is your answer.

Those children who want their experiences curated for them and the evil icky content they don’t like to be gone because it disgusts them and anything that disgusts them is clearly sinful problematic and should be destroyed, are what we call ‘antishippers’, or anti for short.

They like being progressive. Sort of. They learned what Republicans and terfs have honed to a fine talent: keep people fighting, hold them to a bar they have to constantly make or risk being ostracized, and harass the people who don’t play along into getting out of your sight forever. Sound familiar?

They learned of otherkinity, and particularly fictionkind, because web 3.0 means if something goes viral on one site, it doesn’t just go viral on that site, it makes it to worldwide newspapers and twitter and nobody ever, ever fucking forgets it. They realized the following: “Hey wait, if I’m this character for realsies, not only does it help me deal with the internalized shame I’ve done nothing to actually fix because that takes work, I can also tell these people who draw gross content I don’t like they’re hurting me personally, and that actually sounds credible, and I can shame them into stopping”.

If this is your first time here and that sounds sickening, it damn well should, and I am so, so sorry that any of us had to witness this, and I am more sorry I and everyone else who personally witnessed this didn’t realize what was going on and put a stop to it. I answer asks and browse the tags and clear up misinformation and it isn’t just a genuine desire to help. It’s damage control, and my own way of trying to deal with the guilt of not stopping this. I’m well aware I couldn’t have seen it coming, I was a teenager myself still learning and no one person has that much power. I still feel like I should have done more, and I’ll do what I can to fix what’s within my power to fix.

So back to the story. This all culminates around 2016 or so. Trump wins the election, and every queer person ever knows they’re fucked, and the younger generation’s only ever heard horror stories, never seen actual oppression that this could bring. We’re all scared. We all don’t know what to do. Nobody has any answers or any control over the situation.

So they lash out. They attack others for drawing things they don’t like, for challenging them in literally any way, for asking them to reconsider the vile shit they just said, for so much as defending themselves from the harassment they just got. And when challenged, they yell “But I’m a minor! A literal child! How dare you attack me, clearly you get off on this, you evil pedophile!” and they sling around every insult in the book until one sticks. Pedophile is a pretty good one, so is abuser, and sometimes zoophile works out too. Freak is great, everyone gets right pissed off about it.

The fact that Category A queer elders were called pedophiles and freaks is not a fact they know or care about. The fact that they are quickly making every fandom community super toxic is also not a fact they care about. The fact that the ‘kin community has words and terminology and they actually mean shit, and the fact that they’re spreading misinformation faster than we can keep up with, are not facts they care about.

So they come in, take our terms, make it impossible for us to find new folks. They realize our anger is easily a power trip, because we’re already made fun of, so they get off on the little power they can find and make fun of us too, and then when we get rightfully annoyed and pissed off, they can hide behind being minors.

Then tumblr implements their porn ban, because nobody’s stopping them, because it isn’t profitable to have porn on here. Considering most of the otherkin community, and most fandom communities, are full of adults who do occasionally talk about NSFW things, and the fact that they’re just banning everyone who so much as breathes wrong, this begins the start of a mass exodus, scattering already fragile communities to twitter, pillowfort, dreamwidth, and a few other places. Largely, twitter, where you can’t make a post longer than a snappy comeback and where the algorithm is literally designed to piss you off as much as possible.

So community elders have largely left, because they can’t stand the drama and the pain of what’s happened, and that’s if they didn’t get banned for being kinky furries who do talk about how their kintypes merge with their sexuality. Most community members have also left or stopped talking about being ‘kin, because they get associated with antishippers and toxicity and it’s just not worth it. Those of us who are left get drowned out by misinformation and trolls and wishkin and antishippers who appropriate our terminology because it supports them getting a power trip, and whenever we argue, we get called pedophiles and freaks and worse.

And now there isn’t much left. I hope we get to find a better place. Othercon was a good place to talk about it, I did a whole panel (it’s on Youtube!) about what we want to do about it. But I don’t really have any answers. 

But to sum it all up... America’s political climate ultimately culminated in destroying queer spaces, and we survived, and then people who wanted to destroy smaller communities to get on top showed up and we were all but defenseless against something we had never, ever dealt with before on this scale.

One of my twitter mutuals mentioned how kinning and otherkin are now completely separate communities. It’s really the best I can do to keep hoping that continues, until nobody realizes the words are at all connected to each other. It’s the best anyone can hope for, now. I hate it. I hate every part of this. But maybe we can salvage what’s left.

[carelesscreativity]

Kreme Love & Trust: Gift for TheLemonHeartLocket

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

(SFW, Fluff)

Dream jumped, gripping the blankets tightly in his fists as he heard another loud crackle of thunder. He felt ashamed of himself through his fear. He wasn’t a babybones anymore. He definitely should’ve been over this fear, but he wasn’t. He knew Nightmare could tell, if the sick amusement somewhere else in the castle was anything to go off of. It made him somewhat sad to feel it.

Dream was just visiting, of course. He’d been ready to go back when the storm had suddenly started and the second he’d heard the first clap of thunder, his magic was crippled with fear in an instant. At least Nightmare had seemed to be having a good time. He’d offered Dream a room through his laughter and Dream had accepted, though he was utterly humiliated in the process.

He had the curtains drawn tightly shut, but he couldn’t hold back a jolt as he saw the faint line of light appear in the wall through the tiniest gap in the shades. It was followed by a LARGE clap of thunder. Dream wondered why storms always had to ruin his day for him. He glared at the window weakly, like the hidden panels of glass had personally wronged him.

He suddenly became aware of the soft sound to his right and a faint red glow out of the corner of his eye. He relaxed a little, but wouldn’t stop staring at the window. He heard a soft laugh and he felt his face flush weakly. “It isn’t funny.” He managed. The bed shifted and Dream looked over at Killer, who’d climbed up next to him.

“I know, I know. Sorry... Just had to basically kiss your brother’s ass so I could come see you.” Killer sighed. He had an arm around Dream in a moment, tugging the guardian back against his chest in the next. His other hand came around, presenting his soul for Dream to hold, it having already shifted to its inverted heart shape.

The guardian took it without a second thought, his golden eyes finally being torn from the window to look at the cherry-red glow in his hands. The organ gave a soft buzzing sound, floating above and between Dream’s hands. It had taken so long for Killer to trust him like this. Now, Killer would offer it up, when before, he would’ve stabbed Dream for even looking at it in some form of confusion.

The first time Killer had offered to let him hold it, he’d sounded so nonchalant, but Dream was able to sense that it was important to Killer in every way. Dream had never held something with such delicacy and care as he had with Killer’s soul. It had felt so strange to hold the other’s life in his hands and he felt so honored to be trusted doing it even now. The thought always warmed him and made his own apple soul pound. Of course, he’d let Killer see and hold his soul as well. It was his first ever look at how gentle Killer could be with something. He’d regarded it with such amazement and fascination that Dream didn’t think he would ever be able to get that flustered ever again. Even thinking about it made him blush just a little.

He ALMOST smiled. Dream flinched with a sharp gasp as the next clap of thunder slightly shook the room. He couldn’t help the whimper that left his throat as he screwed his eyes shut. “Hey, hey.” Killer’s voice was soft. “Sunshine, c’mon...” His hand moved around to Dream’s front, rubbing wide circles on his ribcage. Dream trembled, continuing to stare at the window with teary eyes.

The nickname and the motion were both helping him relax a little, though he was sure that Killer could feel his pounding soul. “Boss told me you’ve always been scared of storms...” Killer murmured next to him as he continued to hug Dream from behind. He pressed his teeth to the side of his head. Dream gave a weak, shameful nod.

Killer blinked and shifted, sitting crisscross and turning Dream so he was sideways in his lap, leaning against his chest. Dream continued to cradle Killer’s soul. “It’s alright if you’re afraid. Just know that it can’t hurt you.” He paused for a moment. “I wouldn’t let it, anyway.” Dream blinked.

“You’re not going to have a knifefight with some storm clouds.” He said, managing a soft scoff of amusement as his eyes raised to meet Killer’s. Those white-ringed eyelights burned bright as they stared back at him. Dream loved them and he loved that crooked grin that was spreading across Killer’s face as well.

“Yeah? I totally would. I would fight storm clouds for you. Doesn’t that prove my absolute love and devotion to you? Fighting clouds?” Killer teased lightly. He laughed as Dream softly smacked him, giving him a playful look of disapproval. He almost laughed before there was another loud crash of thunder and he nearly shrieked. His hands were shaking badly now.

He blinked tearfully as he felt one of Killer’s hands raise to rest underneath his own. The other arm wrapped around his shoulders and hugged him close. Dream blushed as he felt Killer’s teeth press against his forehead, where the front of his crown would usually be. He felt so bare without it, glancing over to where he’d placed it on the nightstand. “Dream?” Killer’s voice prompted.

Dream jumped a little and looked up at him. Killer leaned down and pressed their teeth together. Dream immediately and eagerly took the distraction, pressing back against him. Killer, for once, did not deepen the kiss, keeping it soft and sweet. He pulled back, his cheeks having the slightest bit of red. He was staring at Dream, radiating a warmth from both his eyes and his soul. Dream couldn’t help but blush, burying his face against his shoulder. “Don’t look at me like that...” He mumbled. Killer blinked and pressed his teeth to the top of his head.

“Like what? Like you’re an absolute ray of sunshine? Because you are.” Dream began to protest and Killer kept going. “Or maybe like you’re the most perfect monster I’ve ever seen? Because you are.” Dream’s face flushed and he tried to speak once more, Killer pressing a finger to his teeth. “Or maybe you don’t like me looking at you like I’m the luckiest monster in the Multiverse because I have you?” He opened his mouth and Dream quickly put a hand over Killer’s mouth.

“I get it, I get it!” Dream was completely flustered. He jumped with a sharp inhale as he heard the thunder once again, but Killer placed a hand on his cheek, keeping him from looking over at the window. Dream trembled a little, reaching up and holding Killer’s wrist. Killer stared at him quietly, giving a soft sigh as he gently rubbed his thumb over his cheek.

Dream couldn’t help but lean into the touch. Killer’s hand was always so warm. It pulled away and took Dream’s free hand, intertwining their fingers. Killer gave his hand a gentle squeeze, pulling the other close once again and keeping Dream’s head tucked in the crook of his neck. They stayed like that for a few moments. Dream flinched and whimpered as lightening flashed for a second.

“Just a bit of light.” Killer assured him. “Here.” He reached down and pulled up the blanket. He draped it over Dream’s head so the other would be effectively ‘hidden’ from the storm. He was illuminated in the red of Killer’s soul now, though his golden blush was still very obvious. Just for extra assurance, Killer leaned down and pressed his teeth to Dream’s forehead again.

It never ceased to amaze the guardian how affectionate Killer could be. Especially since he’d seen him in battle. He could barely recall how this started. How THEY had started. He was sure that it had been some kind of mutual interest they developed when fighting. Maybe even just by seeing each other. When Dream would come over to hopefully discuss truces (all of which had previously failed), Killer would always be lingering nearby or waiting outside the door to Nightmare’s office.

It had been Killer, hadn’t it? He’d stopped Dream when he was leaving once and made the first move, inviting the guardian out to the garden with him. And who was Dream to say no? He couldn’t. Sure, Killer had later had his ass handed to him by Nightmare, but the black-eyed skeleton always insisted that it had been worth it. They’d continued to have little meetups here and there. Some of them were not so little. Faint inklings of attraction had become something much more by the time an actual truce was established.

Though neither of them had really said anything, it was blatantly obvious to everyone else that they’d been an item for a VERY long time. Dream was momentarily broken out of his thoughts by faint rumbling outside, turning to look. Killer’s hand was felt on his cheek again, immediately stopping him. He relaxed a little, tipping his head into Killer’s palm as the other murmured that the storm sounded like it was moving further away.

“Maybe it heard me talking and was intimidated?” He suggested playfully. Dream blinked before he finally smiled and broke out into a soft bout of laughter. Killer’s crooked grin straightened out and became a genuine one as he watched him. He’d always loved Dream’s laugh. It sounded like the soft chiming of bells and it made his soul warm. “What’s with the laughter?? Clearly the storm got intimidated because it knows I’d win in a knifefight!”

Dream only laughed harder, more tears appearing e corners of his eyesockets. But Killer could tell they were happy tears. His soul pulsed in Dream’s hands, absolutely delighted. Another crack of thunder sounded. It was much fainter and, to Killer’s relief, Dream didn’t even seem to hear it. His laughing finally calmed and he stared up at Killer, smiling wide.

Dream jumped as he felt the heavy beating in his hands and looked down at Killer’s soul in surprise. The organ was glowing brightly, almost slightly pink with each light pulse. Killer watched as Dream hesitated before looking up at him. He raised the soul to his face and pressed his teeth against it. He didn’t break eye contact and, as a reward, he got to witness the red blush as it spread fully across Killer’s face.

“That’s cheating...” The other murmured. Dream gave a little giggle and lowered the soul, turning and nuzzling Killer’s hand as it continued to rest against his cheek. He pressed his teeth to his palm and Killer’s blush deepened. He leaned down and Dream turned his face back to meet Killer’s teeth with his own. He closed his eyes, his own golden soul soaring and pounding in his chest.

The storm was distant now and Killer continued to rub his thumb over his cheek, asking Dream softly if he felt better. Dream stared at him, unable to form words for a moment with how happy Killer made him. He paused for a moment before speaking in a small voice. “Killer, I love you.”

The black-eyed skeleton blinked in surprise. It wasn’t the answer he’d been expecting, but he absolutely was not complaining. He stared at Dream before smiling and pressing his teeth to his head again. He stayed there and murmured quietly, causing the guardian to light up gold to his shoulders.

“I love you too, sunshine.”