#whos also on tumblr now which i find funny her stuff gets around. doing well for herself. that must be so fucking neat

[lesbianraskolnikov]

vampirism should be real for theres too many things i want to do

[wachtelspinat]

Hey ! I’ve been seeing your art going around since your midnight crew stuff and I just recently stubble across your tumblr, thank to your beautiful overwatch art for our beloveds junkers ! I’ve been scrolling through your account and read about your experience of being a former graphic designer who is a doctor now. And damn. I can’t emphasize how much I admire you, especially as someone who is struggling really hard to choose between 2 careers paths ( with one of them being art related ). This is why I was wondering if you would be open to talk about how and why you switched from art to medecine ? Especially because most of the time I feel it happens more the other way around ? ( If it’s too personal just ignore this ask + sorry if you already talked about it before )

hey ! no worries, i don't expect ppl to scroll through my tumblr to find an answer for a question they might have. first of all thanks for your nice words, means a lot <3

i switched from art to medicine because my early 20-something-self was even more anxiety-ridden than my present-self, and being in art school and having to "perform" regularly was a nightmare. i'm talking about a time in which i was so scared of being perceived that i often skipped grocery shopping, just so i could avoid being around people. so like, pitching art related projects to peers and profs was eeh... especially because art is so personal oh my god. i still hate it when someone tries to sneak a peek while i'm drawing, makes me wanna throw my sketchbook and myself off the bridge. anyways so i always felt a 110% inadequate (plus i got a gf during that time who was so good to me and tried to get me out of my funk on multiple occasions (she was and still is an artist and has now a career as a freelancer and i'm rly proud of her) but i couldn't see that because i just compared the two of us all the time and sabotaged any attempt she made for having fun with drawing with her) that i sat down at some point and asked myself if i could do this any longer, and i came to the conclusion that no, it really kills me rn.

what made me go into the health sector? i don't even know anymore, i think it was a mixture of "i loved biology, esp. the human body in school" and "my mum is an icu nurse and talks a lot about hospitals, maybe i should check it out"... it was not a well thought through decision, which is so funny because studying medicine was a hell of a meatgrinder ride (also my anxiety and self hatred? still there, but now i wasn't judged anymore because of my art but instead being called a dumb idiot collectively with all the other students because nobody likes med students) and for some reason i was able to get through that despite it not being my passion at all, but i couldn't stand up for myself in art school. i don't even know if i could work through it nowadays, but the good thing is i don't have to ask myself this question anymore, because being a doctor pays the bills, and ever since i left art school i was able to just draw without consequence. which is nice to a degree, my artistic output is not tied to the means of generating money. on the other hand... idk, in another life with more confidence and less worries, i'd love to be some sort of character designer T_T

so yeah that's basically it. at some times i cherished my career decisions, at other times i regretted them deeply, worst thing is i know it has a lot to do with personality, but the fact that we can't change who we are with a blink of an eye gives me the framework to think that the path i took was ok. as in. things happened for a reason and maybe i'm just not cut out for that kind of work. you have to be aware of the conditions of a job to decide if you are up for it. because being an artist doesn't end with "just draw". i myself had an unrealistic view of the job back then too. and the fact that i could not seperate between personal aspects and "doing a job here" was crucial.

yeah, idk if this is helpful at all. i think the one thing that is super important here is to have a realistic view on the conditions of work you are about to head into, and i know this is mostly very difficult to aquire. because unless you really work in a sector there is often no way to fully grasp the situations you can find yourself in (this applied for me also in the health sector, which made me fall into a depression a year ago, but what do you do after you spent 6 years of studying :') ). doing internships and just trying to get to know a lot of things really helps. and - idk how old you are, but if you're really young: it's ok to switch careers at some point. it's even ok to do so when you are older (trying to end on a positive note here because it feels like i just said a lot of depressing things... like don't get me wrong i like my job, the conditions are just fucked up, and again my personality prevents me from switching again but it's also not that easy in germany, BUT it's a valid thing to do, being versatile is good! just... make sure you don't end up with a job that you absolutely hate because that kills it all)

[tidemoonchild]

What are your favorite tumblr blogs?

Oooooohhhh an opportunity to make an appreciation post! (Btw the order doesn't mean anything so know if you are the last on the list doesn't mean I love you any less!)

PS: Had to make this two parts because apperantly tumblr only allows 4096 words...

Part I (here) | Part II

@antvnger: I know Ant Mun for a while now. Met them sometime at the start of this year I guess and even if we haven't interacted much lately and stuff I'm still going through his page almost everyday to see what he has been up to. The mun is one of the sweetest persons I ever met and is so amazing in potraying Scott (who I just live as much as I love Ant Mun).

@spideymn: Probably the one I know the longest here on tumblr. I met her somewhen at the end of last year and we wrote together like every day before I went on a longer tumblr break. I was so sad and heartbroken when I couldn't find her on tumblr anymore not knowing that we have been writing together the whole time not knowing that it was us. Guess the moment we realized it, was one of my absolut favorite moments here on tumblr. She's such a sweet and honest person and she was one of the first who let me feel comfortable for being myself and to reach out to her for whatever reason. And tbh she's also one of the persons why I decided to come back here in the first place.

@silently-judgingyou: Another one I know longer here. While the two of us haven't talked as much as I did with Spidey Mun I still enjoyed our conversation and our rps. They're always so wholesome and I love to see the interactions between MJ and Morgan and how both of them started to build a sisterly bond. I also love the thread we started with Katya and MJ. We haven't done much yet but it's so funny to see the two girls who don't want to talk to anyone and want to be left alone get to know eachother. The mun is also such a sweet and nice person and I'm so happy to have her around.

@remarkableheroes: My dear and beloved Bucky! The moment I saw your OC Anya I instantly fell in love and thought OMG! Wanna write with them! You have no idea how scared I was to reach out and how happy I was when you said yes. And now look at us! We just talked about making our Ocs officialy to eachothers stories, something I thought I would never do again until I met you. In all these years you have been the first Oc mun where I felt comfortable to try it again. I love everything about you and Anya but also your other muses. You are such a sweet and amazing person and I'm so happy that I found you and got to know you.

@skallagrimulfhedinn/@michaelandadam: Another person I knew from my first try here on tumblr and who I love so much. The mun has such amazing characters and I love writing with them so much. I love Skallagrim and Ash and tbh when the Mun told me about the SPN rp blog I made a little scream. SPN has been one of my favorite fandoms I was ever part of and I literaly cried during the last episode. I was really suprised and happy to see how SPN is kinda making a return. and this Mun plays Adam so well and I can't wait to see how they will play Michael at one point.

@azuresrp: Guess what? Yep this beautiful person here was also one of my old friends who I found here on tumblr before my break… Or more like who found me. They're so sweet and amazing and have such a great character. I love Ryan, I love his story and I love the mun and our interactions. Most of all I love our ooc talk and plotting. It's just so much fun to talk with them about our characters or about whatever else we are talking about. And it's so funny everytime we haven't spoken for a while both of us can be sure the next message will start with a "Sorry it took so long… life happened."

@kyber-infinitygems/@neonsoundbite: Amazing person, amazing Mun, amazing Ocs, amazing Story! Just AMAZING! I love Luc and I love Brenna! They're also one of my favorite Ocs I saw here on tumblr. I love talking ooc with the mun which we have done the most and I love it so much that she shares the same love for Bruce than I do. I literaly know not a single person who has Bruce as one of their favorites and I was so happy when I saw her love for Bruce! And I also love the fact that she shipped her Oc not with a major character like Steve, Tony or Thor like everyone else always does… No she chose Kurt Goreshter. Such an amazing character who honestly doesn't get enough love and attention. Like he's actually so funny but always gets overlooked and forgotten! But not by her which I think is so cool and awesome. And omg her drawings and edits! They're so amazing!

[blueikeproductions]

I’m gonna be honest, I’m falling a little out of love for EarthSpark because of the last batch of episodes. Part of it is the same reason I didn’t like Cyberverse: the absolutely crap pacing and decision making.

Now EarthSpark did start off well enough, I think the first two episodes remain my favorites because it sets the tone and world up pretty nicely. After that it starts getting … messy. Nitpicks abound! As much as I do enjoy the Terrans, Thrash remains the forgettable one to me. He’s just kinda there and has nothing really to do. He gets overshadowed by his siblings being more memorably quirky (Hashtag and Twitch) or having their own arcs (Nightshade and Jawbreaker). Thrash being the somewhat immature, lackadaisical, older brother IS fine, I just wish he had something to help stand out more.

Megatron’s redemptive antihero role is pry the best it’s been written. Not even Roberts, who ushered it in, really handled it that well since it was somewhat forced and skewed into Twitter/Tumblr stereotypes. Imma be blunt: Cyberverse didn’t even try when they did it. The staff patted themselves on the back for a repenting Megs, but didn’t even bother explaining it in-show, instead giving a lengthy explanation on TWITTER. Stuff like “Oh Bisk got arrested because he beat up another Transformer he lost to at a space video game event” is harmless fluff, describing a major component of what your story is trying to do meanwhile is just mind bogglingly horrendous. Not helped is despite this, Megatron is still torturing Autobots, smacking lunch trays and being a huge dick, which runs counter to him having changed upon seeing his worse Robo-Robotnik counterpart. But CV Megatron was still his more traditional villainous self intentional or not, and I do think ES trying to keep Megatron as a heroic character is hurting the overall series. Transformers has a huge villain problem currently, and it’s only gotten worse with modern media trying to make all the Decepticons sympathetic. EarthSpark, the longer it went on, really seems confused as to what role the Decepticons are supposed to have. Are they still trying to cause trouble, are they just trying to survive, were guys like Breakdown simply on the wrong team in the first place? It’s all very muddled, and I NEVER liked the idea that the Decepticons are just slightly more irritable Autobots because you loose the franchise’s defining good vs evil dynamic that’s helped keep the thing going this long. Even stuff like Superlink, RiD15, and the G1 cartoon make it clear the Decepticons are stubborn and refuse to give up to prove a point. They WILL conquer the galaxy, dammit. And stuff like EarthSpark is just… taking the fight out of them. Which gets to my next nitpick…

So the Decepticons, understandably, are locked up by GHOST for their crimes, and the humans are trying to study them/torture them to make weapons. Naturally, the already angry robots would be pushed to the brink, want to escape the fleshies’ grasp, and lay down the pain similar to Dreamwave and Bay, and while we do see a bit of this, at the end the Decepticons just decide they’re suddenly friends with the Maltos? Something here feels very rushed, along with Shockwave also suddenly wanting to be pals after initially finding the Terrans disgusting. The pacing here is just odd, and a deleted scene shows Shockwave petting Fluffy Ears after he was just about to turn her into hamburger meat a moment before. It’s funny out of context, but it still doesn’t make sense. It skews uncomfortably into Diamond territory for me, where I get the logic, but how they got there doesn’t work (at least for me). You CAN have redemption stuff, heck Decepticon like robots like DragoBurst from Daigunder came around, but they, for the most part, properly built up to this. The Decepticons being “good” feels like a split second decision that had no real pay off. Because again, in the past, if the Decepticons helped the Autobots, it was an enemy of my enemy/Earth is where we keep our stuff thing, and they’d go right back to trying to destroying it once the third party was dealt with.

And I feel like EarthSpark may have had some internal problems with the story. How much of this was Nick not being cooperative ala Rise of the TMNT or just genuinely bad planning I’m not sure. The biggest issue for me was Ravage, and, to an extent, Starscream too. Early on they had Screamer, Wave and Ravage concocting a scheme by letting the dog-cougar cassette out into GHOST to snoop around, Starscream laughing evilly with his glowing red eyes. Inexplicably, Starscream’s eyes are blue, even in flashbacks, which has confused a lot of people, and the show doesn’t address this. A characters’ eyes turning red to accentuate a point isn’t a new thing in animation, but I don’t think that’s what this was…? I was assuming it was Allspark Affinity, but I don’t think it’s that either. More than likely him having blue eyes is meant to show he’s a good boy deep in his shell, similar to IDW’s “true inner Starscream” thing. …However, and this comes back to Ravage, Starscream was originally planning to sic Shockwave on Megatron for what amounts to the usual petty revenge on Starscream’s part. Ravage was sent out to get the remote that controlled Shockwave’s stasis pod, but this scene was cut entirely, instead explaining Shockwave’s escape as simply poor upkeep on his pod. The scene was cut for time, but … WHY? There was surely a better means to incorporate Ravage snooping around instead of just turning it into a dropped sub plot. The show attempts to course correct by suggesting via Swindle this was an attempt at a prison break until Hashtag and Mandroid initiated it instead, but Ravage is unaccounted for. I’m assuming this was a plot point that was debated on, as the official guide book INSTEAD says that Soundwave had Ravage snoop around for info on the Allspark due to an agreement they had with Prime and Megs when they got arrested. It feels like they just couldn’t decide on what to do, and chose neither, and while they could have Ravage later reappear and go “Hey guys I found the Allspark’s location and a whole bunch of ancient Cybertron relics on GHOST’s computers!” in S2, that’s fine, but I don’t trust the writers atm to do so…

There’s also turning Starscream into a trauma victim. Again sort of that Steven Universe/fandom mentality made canon thing that bothers me, BUT I completely get what they were going for. The problem for me is that even in the 80’s, Starscream’s constant beatdowns were played for laughs, and frankly a lot of the time Starscream had it coming in the first place. Starscream may have had more common sense than Megatron, but he was also driven by his pride, ego and his comedic sense of self preservation. Starscream also would bite off more than he could chew by messing with relics like the Enigma of Combination, Omega Lock and the Underbase, usually destroying himself in his quest for godhood to simply one up Megatron and show how much better he is at being evil and/or just being a petty glitch. So to play the dynamic straight and make Starscream more of a domestic abuse victim feels… wrong, especially when I’ve seen plenty of Megscreamer ship art of the G1 and Prime versions that suggests… a bit of hypocrisy in the name of a ship. I think Micron Legend Starscream handled the idea the best, though there Screamer was more a young warrior looking for approval, but Megatron thought he was weak and selfish, and the two would fight, but it was more of a anime warrior’s honor kind of way and not the more slapstick marriage falling apart way G1 and other shows did it. I do like Starscream becoming friends with Hashtag, reminds me a bit of ML Starscream becoming friends with Alexis, and I think that’s handled well enough. At the very least Micron Legend shows what EarthSpark wants to do with Starscream CAN work, it just needs a bit more fine tuning to make sense, and I feel internal decisions saw the clearly G1 and Prime inspired Starscream hugely rushed into a role he’s not ready for or arguably suited for. It’s a similar problem I had with Donald Duck in DuckTales 17: he’s barely in the show, clearly has a chip on his shoulder over Scrooge’s role in Della’s disappearance, and off screen he just sorta changed his mind and is suddenly wanting to help Scrooge. I get that part of his decision was influenced by how it was affecting the boys, but I never liked how we never saw Donald change, he just … does.

Mandroid’s descent into villainy is also rushed. Starts off well enough and him Roboticizing himself into a monster by the end makes sense, but it feels like some steps were skipped to get there, which was the same problem I had with IDW Megatron going on this big quest off screen we never saw. Also, a plot point is the Terrans don’t actually use Energon, and instead power up with Emberstone blessed Earth water… but there’s a few instances that contradict this, such as Mandroid’s Doomsday Project that shouldn’t affect the Terrans at all, but it… does anyway. Like… what? Also Mandroid and Alex knowing each other doesn’t appear to be addressed either. Especially notable when Mandroid went out of his way to AVOID killing him, only to not have this qualm anymore. It feels like a step was skipped, I get Mandroid is too far gone but even that was a huge leap in context.

Not a big deal, but do the Sharkticons Transform? Their design seems to skew to Terrorcon Rippersnapper, RiD15 Hammerstrike, and the Street Sharks style Sharkticons of Cyberverse, but I never liked how the later didn’t Transform into a robot or a speedboat or something. I get Mode Attachment, but even guys like RiD15 Grimlock and IDW Leviathan walked around in Robot Mode once in awhile.

Similarly, Jawbreaker scanned an actual fossil to get his Beast Mode, but doing so was new to Grimlock… who has a dinosaur Beast Mode which has left fans puzzled. Fans theorize Grimlock may have scanned a toy of a picture, similar to Nightshade, or that Wheeljack helped reformat the Dynobots into Dinobots as a G1 nod. However a stylized flashback shows Grimlock in Beast Mode on Cybertron, which makes me think in RiD15 terms that Grimlock may have already BEEN a dinosaur, just a “space” one. Though that runs contrary to the discussion how alt modes can help define a Transformer, and Grimlock is shown to be reluctant in the current era to Transform, as he can’t quite control his Beast Mode due to anger and PTSD caused by Mandroid. I never liked FOC’s Hulk like take on Grimlock though, and seeing that be an influence here kinda sours Big Grim for me, especially since my favorite incarnations, G1 toon and RiD15, LOVE being dinosaurs. Grimlock is still handled well otherwise though.

A lot of modern shows like this I’ve noticed have this out of balance tone where they can’t decide what they should be. It’s either super weird and cutesy or hard core darkness and angst. The one time I’ve seen this handled well was Bomberman Jetterz of all things, and that’s a kids anime about a little bomb throwing goofball that was never brought over here. It organically builds up to its darker elements, while the show starts off fairly goofy and weird it still lightly explores some things early on like Mighty’s sense of self and successfully builds on it.

Also Nightshade. Oh poor Nightshade. They continue to be the punching bag and poster child for some why this show is bad because it has The Gay TM. I do think kids can handle the concept of being gay, and I think kids can understand to some degree why a person would choose not to identify as either gender. But I also understand why parents don’t want to have such a conversation and there’s a time and place for this sort of thing, especially in kids media. (Blue’s Clues’ Pride parade animation was well intentioned but a little too… much for preschoolers. Same sex couples, sure, the nitty gritty stuff beyond that, not as much… And I say that knowing an older lesbian couple in college who thought what Adventure Time was doing with PB and Marcy was inappropriate for kids). Nightshade has more stuff going on besides their gender, but those stirring up trouble and even the owl’s supporters tend to ONLY focus on their being non-binary, which isn’t helping. The show only focused on it twice, and I think the first time was enough to set the tone. Optimus wasn’t sure if Nightshade was a boy or girl, NS and Moe clarified they/them, and Optimus warmly accepted, and that’s really all you needed for a children’s. Easy to understand for the target audience. The show then has Nightshade learn the definition of being non-binary by a human teen they help out and become friends with. The scene is fine, but I think it’s a tad over-explained keeping in mind the target audience. It also feels like an artifact of the original intention that was scrapped. In the planning stage, Nightshade simply identified as Terran because gender wasn’t important to their identity as a robotic being. Keeping it simple for the kids at home, as well as for those who might feel like Nightshade where they can go “I’m a Terran!” The official guide book also goes with this explanation. With Nightshade then learning about being NB from Sam makes a little more sense with this older concept in mind, but I think a simpler “Thanks for the save, uh…. I wanna say mister…?” “Oh I’m a they/them! Nightshade the Terran, at your service~!” “No way, I’m they/them too! I’m Sam!” “Ooo, delightful! Oh do you like the Winged Sentinel too?” “Do I? I run a big fan blog about it and Changaliens!” “-Nightshade Transforms and makes happy owl noises-“ sorta thing. At the very least, that’s been my experience being reintroduced to a friend that’s now trans or NB. “Oh you’re a dude now? Sweet! So what’d you think of the latest Digimon episode?” is a typical exchange. Unfortunately no matter of simplifying it is going to keep people from disliking the character as being a form of “indoctrination”, and I worry that’s affected the availability of the toy. I’ve seen people show they have Nightshade’s toy, but locally I’ve not seen Nightshade’s toy at all, and I wonder if controversy has led to stores refusing to carry it. That being said I’ve not seen the Arcee or Hashtag finger puppet toys, the Deluxe Grimlock or the Twitch One Step Changer, but I have seen Shockwave and Jawbreaker, and they went quickly, and as of typing weren’t restocked. So could be crap distribution again, but I can’t help but worry the toy is functionally “banned”. I may not be NB, but I do jive with Nightshade being a reclusive, yet happy go lucky nerd. I enjoy their swagger too, something I wish I had, so there’s plenty to like on top of them having a owl beast mode. I was a Beast Wars kid so Beast Modes rule, man.

Anyhow, going back to another point, this is why I like RiD15 so much. It knew what it wanted to be, a mostly low stakes action comedy, and even when it leaned a bit into darkness, it still felt tonally correct with the show. Here we have a wacky episode about an Energon parasite possessed bear, and then they jump into heavy handed discussions of racism, violence and post apocalyptic disaster the next. That’s not organic, that’s just being indecisive on the tone of your show. It’s this awkward trend of trying to make your kids cartoon into a mature, sophisticated thing, but no one has the patience or finesse to pull it off anymore and it drives me nuts. And I don’t think kids care for it either. The age range for EarthSpark I spoke to are watching the Super Mario movie, classic cartoons and older Disney movies (a lot of them, especially boys, were into Princess & The Frog and Moana in particular as it happens) when it comes to western animation. Last time I saw kids interested in Transformers was Prime, Rescue Bots, RiD15 and Bumblebee. Outside of RotB, I don’t think recent stuff has been doing it for kids, as I haven’t found any kids hugging an EarthSpark Bumblebee like their life depended on it like I did with RiD15 Bee.

I want to be clear I still like EarthSpark, and I like a lot of the characters like Alex, Mo, Jawbreaker, Bumblebee, Frenzy and Nightshade, but the cracks have been starting to show and grow larger. 26 episodes and the end goal still felt very rushed as if they thought this would be like a long running anime and didn’t utilize their time the best, and with the current strikes as of typing, I fear that’s not gonna bode well for season 2’s production either. I am very skeptical atm we get a S3, so I hope they were more careful in crafting the next phase of the story. A second season was greenlit when the first season was still being worked on, so it seems odd to me they still felt the need to rush through things as if they didn’t have time. Maybe they didn’t due to other factors? Still I hope for the best, but I’m not as exited as I once was, and a possible Prime style Relic Hunt potentially being next makes me concerned…

[gisellelx]

What signifies a good fic to you? What is it about your favorite fics that made you like them?

This Q has been sitting a little while but this post on my dash today made me think of it.

Anne Lamott has always been one of my all time favorite writers; I read Bird by Bird in middle school, and I used to talk about her a great deal with my irreverent, very witty, funny role model 9th grade English teacher. This is how I write, and have always written (you'll note that my profile on FFnet and the name of my tumblr both come from her.

I write from character. What I understand myself to be doing as a writer is giving life to characters, whether they are mine, or someone else's. It's getting to know someone, intimately--what is their biggest fear? What is the thing they most love? What are their hopes and dreams? What is their fatal flaw?

I wrote my own stuff for many, many years before starting to write fic, and my reason for writing and reading fic is from exactly that same root. I want to see the same characters from the source, and I want to see them in a way that sheds new and interesting light on who they are. This is a major part of why I don't write, and generally don't read, out-of-universe fic--I'm just not interested in reading about a generic human lead with some characteristics of Edward Cullen. I want to see an author show me something I didn't see before about Edward. My favorite fics do that. By virtue of the situation the characters are in, or the alternate POV they are from, I see something different about the characters, their dynamic with one another, the things they care about most. Going through my FFnet faves to give a couple of examples of what I mean. Going to stick to one-shots so they are easy to grab (which is most of my faves)

Three Men and a Baby by Kristen Elizabeth.

Stephenie Meyer doesn't give a rat's ass about the fact that other people in the family probably also would've liked to have a kid. She sets up this horrific backstory for Esme but then waves it under the rug with "oh well she has her vampire kids now." This story grapples a little bit with how Edward's siblings (and importantly his male siblings!) deal with their own feelings--it sheds interesting light on all four Cullen men through their interactions with an infant Renesmee.

Mamihlanpinatapai by Writing Ficariously

Edward as a father. Enough said. But also thinking in a more complicated way about Renesmee growing up with Jacob around, and how she feels about her parents' relationship and its perfection. This is a running theme that is even more beautifully explored in A Federation of Cassandras but with that one you're signing on for a full (very excellent) novel so beware.

Caterpillar Wine by gallantcorkscrews

Nobody in this fic is with the people they are with in canon and yet. It really thinks hard about the permanence and lack thereof of relationships, questions that canon brings up and never answers. Most haunting to me in this, with a tiny spoiler, is that Carlisle ends up alone, which is revealing in this particular scenario and very in character in my opinion.

Funny that all of these recs happen to at least loosely contain Renesmee--I think she does important work in revealing a lot about others' characterizations. I find her to be an immensely useful character to think and write about.

Anyway. For me, it all comes down to character. Always down to character. With the tiny add on that my brain frustratingly won't let me not be a snob about the writing--I notice how the words work on a page, and if the author has made a homonym error, if the narration is too much "tell" or the characters are saying things for the reader's benefit. I would like to not have that problem, because I have a great appreciation for the fact that there are many people learning about writing itself by writing fanfiction. But I find it difficult to get myself lost in the story the writer wants to tell when my brain is noticing the writing itself instead. So that's always a piece of it, too.

[steviespookiee]

﹒ ──── ✩ ！ !INTRODUCTION! ! ✩ ──── ﹒

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 🎞  ｡ﾟ Strawbunni☆

　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

17 / She!her / RadFem / Bisexual 🎀

Joe keery ML♡♪ Sabrina Carpenter always `02.10`

.　 . • ☆ . Links! ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

Non currently!

Twitter: SOON!!

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

Hi, my names Strawbunni! (Or Strawb for short!)

(Like strawberry bunny🐰)

And this is my about me - some information about who I am and what I wanna post here on Tumblr!

I’ve been on Tumblr for half a year now, (Thanks to my best friend🩷) and the community is amazing! I’ve always been too scared to post or interact with people, but I want to start making friends and building a community of my own.

What will I post?

For now I will just post random thoughts I have, updates on certain celebrities (like new photos being posted, concerts ect.) Maybe some art projects, The Sims 4 content, Royale High stuff and reposting anything I find hilariously funny.

Eventually I want to start writing and posting my own fan fiction! Mostly Stranger Things! (it’s a special interest of mine.) some Supernatural, The Walking dead, POSSIBLY The Last Of Us if I can bring myself to play the game. (I’m too scared.) and a few other TV shows! So feel free to give me suggestions or requests for any fics you’d wanna see in the future, don’t be shy!

What are my interests/hobbies?

My BIGGEST hobby is gaming! As a kid I always played on my mums iPad, or my dad’s PS3, eventually my sister got an Xbox that I started using, and then I eventually got my own laptop! Which then for me into getting my own gaming computer. Here are a list of games I love and currently play! VVV

• Dead By Daylight

• The Sims 4

• VALORANT

• Overwatch

• Roblox

• Disney Dreamlight Valley

• Minecraft

• Resident Evil. (Leon Scott Kennedy😍).

Some other interests I have! VVV STRANGER THINGS! Like I previously said before stranger things is my special interest, i love it with all my heart, my room is CONSUMED by it and my life revolves around it and Steve Harrington. I love collecting funko pops, I have a shelf in my room that’s almost full of funkos! Most of them being stranger things!🤭 I have vinyls of the ST sound track, posters, framed photos, plushes. I recently went to Stranger things: The First Shadow - so I got a lot of merch and momentum’s from that. I also like Supernatual, Riverdale, Heartstopper B99, Dynasty, H20: Just Add Water, And so many more! 🎀 ———————— 🎀

Writing! 📝

I’ve always had a nack for writing and creative stories, that’s why I want to write fan fiction so much, combining two things I love, writing and imagination! Taking a TV show or a game and making it a world that exists and heals people, giving them happiness reading about their favourite characters and feeling a connection with them! It’s helped me through a lot and brings me a happiness I don’t get from anything else, what can I say? I’m delulu🤭. 🎀 ———————— 🎀

Guitar! 🎸

I’m currently learning how to play guitar, my friend is generously giving me free lessons, she’s also let me borrow her acoustic and electric guitar! I 100% prefer electric and want one of my own, I currently know TWO MITSKI songs that I learnt within my first lesson, in 4 hours. I’ve always wanted to learn to play but it looked so hard and I doubted myself, but once I gave it a go I realised I just have to try and keep going, and that beginning lesson was what I needed to jump start this hobby! :) 🎀 ———————— 🎀

Acting! 🎭

I’ve always loved acting, when I was 13 I used to do a lot of roleplay online, it’s not acting but it made me realise that I actually have an interest in that kind of stuff! I’m currently doing a Performing Arts course in college, which is going so well! I’m in the highest level and I got the lead in the Christmas musical! Sadly I had to give the role to someone else because I had too much course work to be able to learn the script in time, but it made me so happy knowing my skills were good enough and that I wasn’t wasting my time! Maybe I’ll get a job working on a movie and Joe Keery will be my characters love interest🤭! A girl can dream, right? 🤷‍♀️

If you made it this far, thank you for reading and I hope we get along well! Feel free to drop me a message, I don’t bite!😊 I hope that some of you stick around and help me work my way through the community, until next time, bye! 🩷

My bestie: @daryldixonsbub Go follow her! She’s supported me through so much and I absolutely love her to bits🩷

!DISCLAIMER! PHOTOS ARE NOT MINE, I GOT THEM OFF PINTEREST.

And thank you too @arson-fox, ML<3 for helping me edit the photos🐰

[thetruthaboutnolan]

Sorry I’ve been busy and quite honestly not logging into this account for a long time as I’ve been switching between my RP mains and characters when getting on. But got a few messages and decided another short answering session is in order. forgive any typos I'm on mobile a d don't actually care about it screwing up because i type to fast for it, keep up iphone.

Are they are stalking your social media pages?

Not mine, but the person that no life or lawyer having jadedglory psycho is actively stalking with her pedophile friend. It’s a social media that pedophile found and threatened to blackmail him with if he didn’t smut with her or admit she was the ultimately marvel nerd. From what he tells me, he keeps it up and will randomly change the info with stuff that happened between when he was a teenager til now but make it look recent. since he knows and he is right that she continues to stalk it and share it. Funny the pictures haven’t been updated in a decade though, probably should have been their first clue that account wasn’t really active. Now I know it’s hard for them to read without completely spazzing out like the 4 year old losers they are. But they seem to think I’m like 9 different people and had that other blog ran by that thing which also has no life collect the info and pass it around. However I’ll say it again as I’ve been saying it for years I’VE NEVER GONE BY OTHER ALIASES!! I know it’s hard for them to read as their eyes are old for people pushing mid 40. Their one shred of connecting me with the person who is their victim grooming victim is the fact that at a recent point in time we’ve used the same discord. It’s also known that I have and encourage the making of multiple discord accounts. It’s also well known and documented as early as 2015 that I’ve let multiple people use a specific discord account of mine……. You do the math. Hahaha.

For those that need hand holding, yes, I’ve not been the only one using one discord account since its creation. I originally stated after my second S attempt during the first time I ran my abilities roleplay I had a friend run it for me, this friend even admitted to the members at the time that they were me but would act as ‘Nolan’ so that the troll army hailthehelpful unleashed on me wouldn’t think it won. She saw first hand the disgusting things I was being sent. Then I did jt again to a friend I made though Hollow Grove yes the same man who also helped another friend of ours advertise his Star Wars site a couple of years ago. He also helped the guy find RP buddies by joining servers with his own account as this friend’s pedo stalker was reading everything he posted on the now ‘community’ discord account I guess jt can be called.

Add about three more friends to that then you get to the guy whose personal info was leaked. That’s one of the reason I’ve been active like insanely active on tumblr’s RPC but all these dramatic 40 year olds have only found me on like 2 groups. I’ve been using my other tumblr RP discord account. Now why did I give this guy the discord? Why not, given it to quite a few others. I did it because he said he was going back to jcink and back to the old groups he loved being in, fandoms. His pedophile stalker is ALOT like him they have many of the same likes, dislikes, personal traits, style of writing and coding, and fandom. The only difference is while he keeps it humble, his stalker hunks she’s too ahit and will smite anyone that goes against her since they are a narcissist. So I gave him the log in and told him to have fun. Use it as a shield from his actual account and that he can run to when his stalker goes after him. Not even I predicted it would be his first forum going back, unlucky bastard. but he is bold I'll give him that, id never join that group, The Greed is it? but he apparently wanted to and has gotten onto the group and into speaking with both the stalker and the psycho. funny they cant tell its him, I thought they knew him oh so well.

anyway, right now this guy I met named kev has it under his control. i still sometimes log onto it as its my dumping account now. its where i put my discord layouts, self programmed bots, and dump sone of my links for drama and coding templates.

so have fun psycho stalker @jadedglory cry, scream, rage about this being wrong. the evidence is there and I've said it multiple times years ago. how else does your tiny mind think that your friends victim and myself have been able to join groups and remain so active all this time? because your dumb ass has been single minded focused on one account well now two. don't you have a life? a man? or woman or a hand? Sure don’t got no lawyer. like you need help in many many ways that go beyond psychologically. Some of us over here playing chess while others think it’s checkers and playing themselves hahaha.

anywho, time to get back to baldur's gate that G got me addicted to. But just a few hours, i got a meeting at 11 and admin work to do.

[hummelig]

fandoms & growing up

Soo. I am not really sure if that will make a lot of sense, but I think I'm now kinda able to verbalize these thoughts and feelings I've been having for well over 2 years and it would mean the world to me if there's someone who can relate to that.

So, as a lot of tumblr users, I got into fandom culture pretty young (like 11 years old). And at that age, you get easily influenced by everything and your mind just fixates on stuff. Like Books, YouTubers, Bands, etc. And as a child, I spent all my free time either consuming content about that thing I was obsessed with, giving other people an hour long rant about that thing, or search the world wide web for people who also like it.

I am person whose most important thing is human connection. I strive for it, I change myself and lie just to receive it (I'm working on that part dw), but I still never was really popular and always felt like an outsider kinda.

But back then it didn't matter to me (I was even proud of it), because being in those fandom groups gave me such a strong feeling of belonging and security, that I didn't need outside validation, I was being appreciated just for liking the things I did. I didn't care that people found me cringe, that I was maybe a bit of a nuisance by screaming "(ship) is real" or singing along to pop songs with their respective tumblr parodies, because the people in my phone thought I was cool and funny and that's what mattered to me.

But then, creepingly, something changes. And you cant really put a finger to it until its too late. Its normal that certain group chats go silent, but you just go look for new ones. Its normal your interest in something starts to fade, but in a week you've got a new show that you're obsessed with and the circle repeats. But searching for new groups becomes less and less a priority in the mess that is your teenage life with new responsibilities and dreams, and you become less obsessed with stuff and over the years you become just a normal enjoyer. If you happen to join fan groups, you loose interest pretty quickly. Talking only about that one thing is boring, people now need more than the same interests to become a friend.

The less internet friends you have, the more you look around yourself in the real world. And while you were so caught up in the magical world of your laptop, others made solidified relationships, went to therapy and overcame their mental illneses, and assimilated to start a good life as an adult. And xou dont belong. You feel alienated, dont really know how to do it like them, and because you didnt care about how you presented yourself, your reputation is already tainted.

(Which is fair in my case, because if I met my previous self I would find her cringe and annoying and overbearing, too)

Now you kinda dont belong in either world. You'd love to go back to your previous stuff; completely loosing yourself in something is such a freeing experience- concentrating your energy on that one thing while also getting a strong sense of community. But somehow you're unable to now, you have so much stuff to concentrate on, so many worries, you're too self aware to run away from your mental problems now.

So you look for community in the real world, but everything there seems too boring for you, you hate talking 24/7 in a moderate way about relationships, school drama, jobs, health stuff. No excited rambling, no ones eyes lighting up when the get to talk about their obsession. But you are also too boring now to be in fan groups or the be friends with people who are unapologetically themselves, because suddenly you care about how people perceive you.

And now it just feels like somethings missing. You always swore you would never be like those adults, who didn't have any strong feelings anymore, just moderance, but you get just like them. You don't get mad anymore if someone disses your favorite show or ship. When people ask you about it, you don't give them a 2 hour rant (powerpoint presentation included), but a short, 2 minute summary, because you know now it might not be interesting to them.

And suddenly you binge cringe compilations, which often consist of fandom people making questionable posts or those who think theyre half animal (not furries, I think they call themselves therians?) and you're like "damn cringe", but really you're super jealous because those people, have something they're super passionate about and put themselves out there. And you feel sorry for being such a hater bc ultimately it doesn't matter if someone runs around on their fours and hisses at people, as long as they're nice.

I mean I still try to seem like my old self, I wear a backpack with anime and meme pins, I start rants, I wear merchandise. But my hearts not in it. I feel self conscious. But I don't know if that's because that identity doesn't fit me anymore, or because Im too insecure and want the rl people to find me.

If I lived in a big city, stuff would be different. There would be rl fandom meetups and I could just look for community easier. But I live in an extremely rural area, I never really fit in here, the internet was my save haven. My school is an hour away, but still really really rural. No fan stuff. Maybe a few people who also were in fandoms, but also kinda grew out ig. I tell myself, when I move away, I will finally find people I belong to. But maybe I've became too boring, too judgy for those people.

For example, Ive always felt drawn to people who dressed really alternative like goths, but I think they could see how insecure I was, how my desire to be liked by everyone often became toxic, and stayed away. Maybe its the same way when I finally get away from here. Will I be able to commit to being with people out of the stupid norm again even though people will find me cringe, and not include me in their social circles? Idk.

And I long for the community I felt back then, made a tumblr, started reading Homestuck bc it was such an internet phenomenon. But I'm only a bystander, I dint have any rants to post about my favorite shows, and while Homestuck is an ok read, I cant nearly get into it as all the others did that read it.

Maybe Im too grown for some stuff now and that makes me sad. I never really tried to be like my fav anime character or roleplayed as them, all things that would make me feel cringe and also kinda bored now, but I wish I had experienced them. I wish, even in my fandom times, I wouldn't have been so insecure to express myself. And now its kinda too late? I am so envious of everyone with cringey phases they can laugh about now, I don't have many because I was too afraid. And Im still too afraid even though I act like I am not and idk. I just wish I was like 13 again.

tldr: I wanna be cringe gain without fearing others opinion but I'm too self conscious and adulting this that I wanna be a child again cry cry

[marjansmarwani]

As someone who grew up with a mentally ill parent, I find the Iris scenes incredibly hard to watch. The "she doesn't mean it, so if you get upset about what she says, you're just too sensitive" perspective the show takes is highly problematic. It just doesn't work that way if you're on the receiving end of this kind of behavior.

I know many loved her thoughtfulness with the annulment, but to me that was completely negated by her "you're his project" remark. It all felt too familiar in a "I just said something nice, so now I'm allowed to be cruel again" way. And from the promo for next week it seems like Carlos is a little dismissive of TK's feelings on the whole situation which is also just a big NO for me.

It is important not to stigmatize mental illness, but it is just as important to acknowledge that people around a mentally ill person can be affected, too, and their feelings are valid and you don't have to find this cute or funny (because some people on tumblr act like you're a monster if you don't).

This show was my happy place and right now it's just making me sad. I think I need to skip the rest of the Iris storyline.

Sometimes you just need to do what you need to for your own well-being, and that's okay. I will say I had a different take on some of the stuff in the episode, but your take on it is valid and informed by your experiences just as anyone else's is. If it's any consolation I'm pretty sure that this whole storyline will be wrapped up in the next two episodes. I have absolutely no evidence of this but I feel pretty good about it.

[enibly]

some songs of summer 2022

looks like i’ll survive yet another summer, and i get some new songs as souvenirs at least

New (to me) Stuff

fromis_9 :: Stay This Way :: ok, fromis has me in their pocket- this song is clearly just average and doesn’t stand out, but it’s the fromis formula and so it got me. beyond just the airy, feminine vibe, I think I like their voices? which is not the usual way I approach music

Apink CHOBOM :: Copycat :: I was pleasantly surprised by how much I liked this track. Usually I don’t like tempo changes like this, nor do I especially like mellow tracks. But this one I like (kinda has Kiss Me More vibes? is that why?) It’s also the “sexy weird” vibe that I most relate to as late 20s/early 30s person

aespa :: Girls :: my friends thought this one was mediocre but I really liked it from the start- there are riffs and hooks in it that hit me ok?

1team :: Vibe :: saw it on kpop tv and clicked with the song. sorry to hear about the group’s disbandment :(

CZARFACE, Lion Eye :: Big em Up :: I’m back home so that means radio in the car (shoutout to 90.5 KSJS, still my fav). This is from there

Peaches :: Fuck the Pain Away :: tumblr memes make a real difference it seems. thanks guys

L'Impératrice :: Agitations tropicales :: I like it, but listening to this one makes me feel my age, in the “oh god i’ve mellowed into lame territory” sense you get when you find yourself listening to overly predictable soft house and not minding it. it’s the just-as-lame modern equivalent of being an adult alternative music fan, and i’m sorry to see this tendency showing up in me

Good Charlotte :: Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous :: I was watching Rock Block on MTV Classic and look, you can go a while without eating a potato chip, but then you have one and suddenly you’re craving them the next couple of afternoons. pop punk is like that and if you were infected with the bug young, you can’t ever escape it

Not Quite Gone (from earlier in summer)

Winner :: I Love U :: I’m gonna forget this song in like 2 weeks, but it’s here now, and as usual, no one makes Winner songs except Winner, so I’ll accept it

Loona :: Flip That :: it ended up growing on me, but I still haven’t integrated it into my life. might end up being a fall song for me? we shall see

KARD :: Ring The Alarm :: nothing much to say except, I actually seek this song out once in a while, which is more than I can say for the last several Kard songs. and I feel weird about praising her, cause of her whole bullying scandal, but Somin’s gotten even better at her job somehow? looks like she spent that “time reflecting” in the practice room... hm

Returning Guys

Beck :: Loser :: i’ve only been working and sleeping and doing nothing with my time- it’s obvious why this one made a comeback in my rotation and in my head

Winner :: Hold :: thank god for this one- it’s one of my most positive coping mechanisms

Jeon Soyeon :: Beam Beam :: damn, I did not expect to get as attached to this song or Jeon Soyeon as I did... it was very slow growing but she finally got me

Cupido :: Todas Menos Tú :: this is a song I tried listening to in spring, but it captures the mood of summer better. it’s like, life is boring and I’m lying too still but I guess it’s fine or whatever when the guitars come in

Weezer :: Beverly Hills :: my 14 year old student told me that weezer is a meme with the kids around her these days, which i find so funny. (she also said there are teens she knows who listen to Slipknot, and now I just wanna know what 90s bands are being discovered by the zoomers, and which ones are still under the radar. Apparently Smashing Pumpkins are not having a comeback btw). Anyways, Beverly Hills is... well it’s not the song most representative of Weezer but it’s the one I can actually chill to without feeling Rivers Cuomo’s secondhand anxiety (ok fine I’m also a sucker for daytime chilling parties, even one at the playboy mansion 😔)

Still in Rotation

Hoody ft. Gray :: Adios :: as always, this song is keeping me alive, just like everyone else in the industrialized world (even if they don’t know it)

Jade :: Don’t Walk Away :: I’ve been trying to listen to this less because I love it too much (does that make sense?) but I just can’t stay away. what a gem 💎

Special Shoutout: Turnstile Love Connection

[fruggo]

I’m not gonna lie this would be the first time I requested something so if I do something wrong I’m really sorry,

Can I request Quentin, Leon, Steve, and Frank meeting a female reader who, before the entity took her, had already faced off her own killer?

And this made her kinda tough? Like she knows what she’s doing

oh my gosh thank you so much!! this is my first ever request to fulfill so we’re in this together :DD seriously i really appreciate you!

i decided to do a headcanon kind of format for this, i hope that’s okay! also these are my absolute favorite boys aaahhh this is so fun for a first request

the boys x tough f!reader (part 1) (part 2)

warnings: swearing, reader kicks frank in the shins

word count: ~700-1k each (sorry if it’s too long…i kind of got really excited and uhhh maybe i got carried away,, yeah. sorry)

(also i'll be honest quentin's is not my best. that was the one that got eaten by the tumblr abyss and i had to write all over again, and it just didn't come out the same way that i wanted it to at first :( i did the other boys hoping i'd get some inspiration to fix it afterwards, but i got kind of stuck. so it's not my favorite, but i hope you like it okay! i want to write better stuff for quentin in the future, he is my favorite sleepy boy <3)

𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍 𝐒𝐌𝐈𝐓𝐇

when you arrived in the realm, everyone thought you would be the same as the others—frightened, confused, and overwhelmed. but you took this nightmarish challenge in stride, adapting to your surroundings quickly and learning far faster than anybody else had.

your past experiences had made you independent and sometimes distrustful, so once you had the gist of things, you didn’t need (or want) anybody to tell you what to do. and nobody was inclined to, either—your instincts naturally told you what to do and when.

the first time you met quentin was a little awkward, i wont lie. you were wary of speaking to the other survivors; you weren’t going to let yourself get hurt again.

it was the beginning of a trial. the nurse’s fatigued shrills could be heard all the way from the edge of the wrecker’s yard, but you immediately started work on a generator, unafraid. a few minutes passed, when soft footsteps indicated someone’s approach. it was quentin—he started to work on the wires without hesitation.

you were a little surprised, only because the other survivors usually left you to your own devices. you got the impression that maybe they were intimidated by you, which you didn’t particularly mind. but you wouldn’t particularly mind some company now and then, either.

it was comfortably silent for a while, before quentin spoke up.

“what’s your name?” he asked, gaze still focused on the wires.

hesitating a little, you told him. then you said, “and you’re quentin, right?” you already knew most everybody’s name just from observation.

“that i am,” he replied.

then it was quiet for a while.

very quiet.

well, what were you supposed to say now?

the silence was deafening and very, very uncomfortable to you. normally you were okay with a quiet atmosphere, but it was the kind of silence that buzzed in your ears, chewed at your stomach, filled the area as if it were something solid. man, what were you supposed to say—

it was then that you realized poor quentin had fallen asleep, his face smooshed onto the generator. his cheek was now covered in grease and grime.

it made you smile—only a little. you finished repairing the generator on your own, causing quentin to wake with a start and bang his head on the pole protruding from the machine. he swore like a sailor until he realized where he was, smiling sheepishly.

“sorry, i wanted you to have your nap. you looked really tired,” you said. you also couldn’t stop admiring the dark grease on his face—it was really quite funny. and no, you weren’t going to say anything about it. it could stay there a little longer.

you spent the rest of the trial running the nurse around the whole wrecker’s yard, only suffering one injury until the end. quentin had no idea how you had been here for such little time and already knew how to outplay the nurse, one of the most difficult killers to survive against. he still didn’t know how to do it well himself, so he was thankful for you.

however, once the exit gates were opened, you found yourself in a bad spot. the nurse had caught you in an empty clearing with nowhere to hide or predict her moves, and she downed you instantly. quentin cringed hearing your agonized scream as you were hooked.

there was no way you were dying on his watch. once he was sure the nurse was gone, he gently lifted you from the hook, pulling out his medical kit to begin patching up your shoulder.

despite the pain, you had enough energy to smile at him and say, “thanks, nap boy.”

quentin feigned offense with a wry grin, pulling out some gauze. “is that all i’m going to be to you? nap boy?”

you hummed, pretending to be deep in thought. “maybe you won’t be if you get me out of here.”

“that won’t be a problem," he smiled, quirking an eyebrow.

“show me the gates and then we’ll talk, nap boy.”

from then on, quentin became your go-to source for supplies and general comfort. you weren't scared of this place, but it was nice to know you had somebody who would really be there for you.

he would often fall asleep on your shoulder at the campfire--he really was a nap boy, and you would never let him live that down.

𝐋𝐄𝐎𝐍 𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐃𝐘

leon could not tear his eyes away from you the first time you arrived in the realm. your presence was strong; he could tell you weren’t one to back away from a fight.

most of the survivors had been (rightly) confused and disoriented when they popped into the realm, but you tried to accept it quickly. you didn’t like it, in fact all you wanted was just to go home, but you came to terms with it and jumped into trials headfirst like an insane person.

that was the courageous part about you—maybe you were scared, but you did scary shit anyways. in fact, you did scary shit to spite the fear, to prove to yourself that you were strong enough to overcome it.

and leon couldn’t lie, that was cool as hell.

you had tunnel vision and didn’t pay much notice to the other survivors; you were too focused on learning about this place and getting out of trials. having gone through some real shit, being here hardly came as a surprise to you. if you were going to be here forever, what was the point in mourning? might as well just accept it and try your hardest to survive. maybe someday this sick game would end, but for now, you were prepared to fight for your life and that’s all you could really focus on.

your first trial was not the best. even though you were resourceful, you didn’t know what the objective was yet, so you weren’t sure where to start other than analyzing your surroundings. luckily for you, leon kennedy was one of your teammates.

after being downed immediately by bubba’s chainsaw and tossed onto a hook, you were amazingly resilient to the pain. leon was the one to lift you from the hook, and he took out his medkit to help patch your wound, but you flinched away from him before he could touch you.

he was puzzled. “what’s wrong?” he asked. he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, but he wanted to help you.

you hesitated and looked him over before mumbling, “i’m fine.” and you tried to stand on your own, beginning to limp away. you didn’t want or need anyone’s help.

leon sighed, following after you. “let me help, that must hurt a lot.”

“i told you, cop, i’m fine. i don’t want your help, okay?”

leon opened his mouth to insist, but decided against it. if you didn’t want his help, then he shouldn’t butt in. that wouldn’t keep him from watching over you, though.

but then leon called after you (perhaps a little smugly), “do you even know what you’re supposed to do?”

begrudgingly, you stopped walking. no, you didn’t know what to do. “i’ll figure it out,” you said over your shoulder. and you would; you had been through enough to survive any situation thrown at you.

but maybe one pointer couldn’t hurt.

“do a generator,” he told you, giving you a cheeky grin when you turned around to look at him. he was lucky he was cute.

the first part of the trial had been rough, but after that first hook you were doing a lot better. you managed to find your own medkit from a chest, and you learned how to fix a few generators. you found it came pretty naturally, and were satisfied that you hadn’t needed anyone’s help (except leon’s. but you didn’t have to admit that yet). when the killer came near, you skillfully avoided him and stayed hidden as much as you could.

you were also pretending that you didn't notice leon hovering near you. he was not very good at being subtle; he was obviously trying to make sure you didn't get hurt. it was cute. you didn't want to ruin his fun, so you didn't say anything about it.

it wasn’t long before the gates were powered and in the process of being opened. you saw a red glowing light in the distance, and assumed that must be your destination. you put all of your remaining energy into sprinting to the exit, adrenaline pumping through your body.

but then there was a heartbeat. a heartbeat so loud it filled your head, splitting your concentration. it wasn’t your own heartbeat--it was the killer’s.

the sound of the cannibal’s chainsaw roared in your ears and pain tore through your body; you collapsed to the ground with a cry of agony. shit, that really hurt, and you weren't sure you could ever get used to it. eternity sure seemed a lot longer than you had first anticipated. would you really be here forever? doing this over and over?

biting your lip until it bled, you tried to crawl towards the gate, dragging the lower half of your body with much difficulty. it was no use, though--you hardly got anywhere, and you could already feel the killer picking you up. just like that, you were going to die? you had been so close..

but as you were being placed on bubba’s shoulder, you saw a flash of a police uniform and a blinding light, and before you knew it, you had been dropped to the ground, the exit gate looking awfully lovely and much more desirable than a meat hook. you gathered all of your strength and began limping forward, when suddenly you felt an arm firmly wrap around your waist and your own was placed around someone else’s shoulder.

leon. when you looked up at him, all he did was give you a calm smile, which you felt inclined to return. with him supporting you, the two of you made it safely to the exit and began the long traipse back to the campfire, where you would find yourself spending a lot of time together.

from then on, you always remained quite unfazed by the events of the entity’s realm—the only thing that ever made you feel weak was being around leon. he was just so cute :]

𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐕𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐓𝐎𝐍

you had never met someone so persistent in your life. from the moment the entity stole you here, steve harrington was after you, and there was next to nothing you could do about it. he sure was living up to his self-proclaimed role of babysitter.

you told him you were fine, that you didn’t need him following you around, but the asshole did it anyways.

“how cool do you think you are?” you asked him at some point, to which he simply shrugged with that stupid grin on his lips.

“i can take care of myself.” “i really don’t need you to baby me, steve.” “steve, if you don’t leave me alone i’m going to break your kneecaps.” these were all things that had come from your mouth multiple times recently. you were seriously thinking about that last one now.

you knew you could make it on your own, and you only wished he would give you a chance to prove that to him so he would leave you alone. but it was like he had attached himself to your hip, and for some reason the entity seemed to really enjoy putting you in trials with him. great.

he was a dumbass and a sweetheart, and you weren’t sure which one of those took higher priority. you knew he only meant well, but god, you wanted to be independent for once. why did he think he had to protect you so much? you arrived here after running for your fucking life, fighting off your long-time pursuer, and living in awful, ever-changing conditions. you had seen your closest friends die, right before your eyes. you didn’t need to be sheltered or coddled, but you couldn’t seem to make steve understand that, no matter how much you fought with him.

steve would literally throw himself in front of the killer for you. he clicked his flashlight in the killer’s face if they were after you, and he would swear and cuss until they chased him out of pure annoyance. it got him killed countless times, and you didn’t know whether to call him stupid or selfless. probably both.

eventually you decided to just copy him and see how it worked out. you weren’t scared, you had no reason to be. you wanted to show him you could be just as flashy as him.

as you arrived into a trial, steve right across from you (of course), you smiled to yourself. you had brought your best flashlight, and you were prepared to use it. the two of you began to work on a generator together, making light conversation as usual.

“if the killer comes here, hide. i’ll take him away.” “fuck you, steve harrington.” “sure, if you really want to.” “why don’t you ever leave me alone?” “it’s a mystery, isn’t it?” “i could punch you right now.” “but you won’t. i’m too good to look at.”

you know, the usual friendly stuff.

you purposefully connected the wrong wires, making the generator spark and sputter. “oops. oh no, the killer must be on their way,” you dead-panned. steve gave you an unamused look.

and indeed, only a few moments later, you heard the sound of the hillbilly and his chainsaw roaring in your direction. the two of you split up, and the killer’s weapon collided with the generator, making an awful screeching sound.

and that was when the chaos started.

steve began hollering and flicking his flashlight into the sky as usual, and after a moment’s hesitation, you did the same. steve looked at you in astonishment, pausing, but then he started again, even louder. you tried to outdo him.

“HEY BILLY! FUCK YOU!” you screamed, ignoring steve’s attempts to get you to stop. “COME AFTER ME, SHITHEAD!”

steve started actually yelling, just yelling, while you continued to swear meaninglessly. the poor hillbilly looked confused and overwhelmed, and eventually he couldn’t take the noise anymore--he just left, opting to find the other survivors while the two of you sorted out whatever it is you obviously had against each other.

it was dead silent now that the killer was gone, and you and steve were both out of breath. but as soon as you made eye contact, laughter bubbled up from your chest, causing you to collapse against the tree and slide to the ground. your voice was hoarse from all the screaming.

and then he was laughing too, stumbling over to plop down next to you, and your giggling started up a whole new round.

after the laughter died down, you stared at your hands, ignoring steve’s gaze on the side of your face until you couldn’t anymore.

“what?” you asked, finally looking at him. he was smiling all stupid again. “what?” you insisted, fighting off a grin of your own. you hated when he looked at you like that, because it made you want to smile back at him.

“nothing,” he said coyly, laughing again. you punched his shoulder playfully.

“c’mon harrington, when have you ever held your tongue before? spit it out.”

he nodded, that was true. so he said it. “i just like you, that’s all.”

oh. oh.

realization dawned upon your face. “is that why you always--”

“yes,” he interrupted you. “i thought it was obvious. man, you’re clueless sometimes.”

oh.

huh.

you guessed…maybe…steve harrington wasn’t that annoying. maybe.

𝐅𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐊 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍

to say you were feisty was an understatement. frank hated your guts at first because you were so good at evading him, which he would never admit. but the thing that made him really mad was that if he ever downed you, you would kick at him and try to trip him over, like actually bruise his shins. it hurt like hell.

this lead to his decision to constantly tunnel you, and he would laugh at you while you were on the hook, too. so you hated his guts just as much as he did yours. it was a mutual guts-hating situation.

your teammates always felt bad for you, but they also thought you were a badass and knew you could handle yourself. you hadn’t told anybody where you’d come from or what had happened to you, but they knew it was something interesting. there was a reason that nothing that happened here really got to you.

sometimes things escalated even further than shin-kicking. there was one time where frank had managed to grab the back of your shirt as you tried to vault a window, and as he pulled you closer to himself, you elbowed him in the neck and squirmed out of his grasp. while he stood stunned and lost for breath, you kicked the back of his locked knee so that he fell to the ground and bonked his forehead on the wall—the classic dead leg.

this was very funny to you.

not to him.

while you ran away, laughing to yourself, frank’s anger built and built. he was tired of letting you make a fool of him, and it was time to be serious about things.

he ignored you for the rest of the trial, forming a plan in his mind. there was something he needed to do after this, so he made sure to kill everybody else to please the entity—he couldn’t get caught up, it would derail his anger train. he also didn’t feel like getting kicked in the balls or some shit, so he let you out without a problem.

frank did some brooding at the ormond lodge before he was ready to go through with his plan. and his shins really, really hurt, so susie helped him ice them before he left.

the masked killer made his way to the survivor camp rather hastily. when he arrived, he saw you pacing around, deep in thought.

so he threw a rock at you.

it was just a pebble, really. maybe it could be considered a rather large pebble, but frank insisted in his mind that it was a pebble.

“ow, what the fuck!” you cursed, rubbing your sore shoulder and looking around to find the culprit. and then your eyes laid on him.

he looked so sultry standing there at the edge of the woods, arms crossed and mask smiling, you could almost laugh at him. he acted so serious, when really, he was just an angry and misbehaving twink.

you put on your best serious face, genuinely trying not to be amused by this, and strode over to the killer.

“what do you want?” you asked confidently, mirroring his body language and crossing your arms.

frank bristled at your approach, as if trying to make himself look bigger. he wished you were scared of him like everyone else, it would really make him feel better.

“i want a truce,” he said.

you almost burst into laughter at that. a truce? what the fuck for?

he said was willing to stop tunneling and camping you if you stopped beating the shit out of him with your sticky little hands. he didn’t say it like that, but you knew that was what he meant. you, a survivor, could beat up frank, a killer, and it upset him and his little ego :(

just to humor him, you agreed. and frank nodded.

“but,” you continued, raising your eyebrows, “you have to give me something else.”

he started to say “no, no way—“ but you interrupted him: “you’re asking me to stop fighting for myself and just give in when you catch me. i think i deserve something other than just not being tunnelled.”

frank glared at you under his mask, thankful that you couldn’t see. “okay. whatever. what do you want?”

“i want to see your face.” you thought this was a good choice, something you could lord over him forever. it was surely only a win for you. his face was something private, and you would be the only survivor to know.

of course you wanted to see his face, frank thought. everyone did; they wanted to find out if he was good-looking. which, according to him, he was. if you ever asked the other members of the legion, susie was the only one to actually respond. she felt obligated to compliment him as she was basically his sister. so she would say frank is handsome in a ruggedy, jess mariano kind of way. you wondered how she knew what gilmore girls was, since that came after her time, but susie would never give away her secret.

so with a sigh, frank agreed to let you see his face. he didn’t really care, all he wanted was to stop having bruises on his shins. it was kind of miserable, and the entity never did anything to help him.

when he said that you couldn’t do it here, and you asked why the fuck not, he said it was because some other survivor might see. you decided he had a fair point, so reluctantly you let him drag you all the way to ormond.

when he took off his mask, your first thought, whether you wanted it to be or not, was “wow! he really does look like jess mariano! but with tattoos! hot!”

you were lost for words. you didn’t really know what you were expecting, but you sure weren’t expecting him to be that attractive.

he could tell your thoughts from the look on your face.

this had been per your request, and you were planning on this being something you could hold over his head, but the situation had turned into something that he could hold over your head.

oh dear. frank morrison now held pretty boy privilege over you.

and soon you would find out that he was going to keep tunnelling you anyways.

listen i've been watching a lot of gilmore girls and i just get jess vibes from frank, except our boy is more of a twinky idk shdjfhsf i love this guy sm

[dishsaop]

games i love and u should play, in no particular order:

chrono trigger

an old jrpg from the 90s, chrono trigger is a fantasy/sci-fi game about time travel, magic, and robots, with a fun plot, good gameplay, incredible characters, and one of the best soundtracks ever written.

youll find chrono trigger on best video game lists for a reason. its old, but its great. in fact, chrono trigger was the start and the inspiration for a lot of both jrpg mechanics and other games themselves.

ct is just one of those games You Should Play if you like video games. the base plot doesnt take forever - estimates are at about 20 hours, but you can speed through way faster - or, take the time to get over 10 endings, finish side quests, and have fun.

the beginners guide:

you know the Stanley Parable? this is the same creator.

the beginners guide is a short, introspective game i think everyone who creates content should play. its narrative, a man walking and talking you through short strange little games that his friend coda made. its about the process of creation, the reason, the rewards. the setbacks.

this is one of those games i had to sit quietly for a little bit after playing and feel some stuff. i try and replay it now and then, just cuz.

hatoful boyfriend:

okay. yes. i see all my friends groaning. youre about to as well. but hear me out.

hatoful boyfriend is a japanese dating sim with a twist.

you are a high school age human girl.

you go to a school for birds.

also, you live in a cave.

hatoful boyfriend is one of those games you think is a joke parody - and youre right, mostly, except if you stick with it long enough you stop laughing at the silly photorealistic bird jpegs. usually this is because youre either screaming or crying, but hey.

get through all the base routes and youll unlock the True Arc, which happens to be a murder mystery - and also explains what the fuck is up with the birds. and the human.

just. yes, the bird dating game (and its sequel, holiday star) has a plot. it has a lot of plot twists. some of em youll see coming. some of them you most certainly wont. listen, if you can barrel through the weirdness of it, its a fun, wild ride, and it has what is probably my favorite video game protagonist of all time.

(you, the player character, have base stats of 1 wisdom, 5 charisma, and 800 vitality. you run around screaming things like "MY HUNTER GATHERER BLOOD BOILS" before drop kicking your classmates, your heart is the size of the sun, and you wrestle buffalo for fun. this does not even begin to describe hiyoko's strangeness.)

undertale:

youre reading this on tumblr.

you know what undertale is.

just ignore the fans and the fandom and youll have a good time.

breath of the wild:

you probably know this one too. one of the more recent legend of zelda games, botw is an open world jrpg about a young hero waking up in the wild with no memories, but a huge responsibility.

listen. listen. i dont like games with fighting mechanics that require me to respond quickly. i am slow and bad at games. i also dont like games that are easy to get lost in, bc i am very easily lost, and botw has a HUGE open map. but this is probably one of my top three favorite games ever.

botw has it all - and all of it is amazing and unforgettable. characters, plot, gameplay, music, scenery, heartbreak, comedy-

this is another game you could blow through pretty quickly, or you could do what i did and finish every single sidequest and shrine and upgrade every piece of armor and then track down all 900 korok seeds. its up to you.

night in the woods:

indie side scroller/point and click about a 20 year old coming home from college to her hometown, a dying ex-mining backwater place called possum springs.

nitw is a mystery game, but its also about friendship, mental illness, the supernatural, and the slow, steady, inexorable decline of poor towns and the people in them as jobs disappear and the world crumbles.

its also really, really funny.

nitw also has two little side games - longest night and lost constellation - that are good!

stardew valley:

this is just a cute little farming sim. its well made. its fun. its addicting.

inherit a farm from ur grandfather as he dies on a fucked up bed, then escape to it from your menial soul-sucking office job to grow parsnips, raise cows, pet dogs, be gay, fall in love, make jam, fall down mineshafts, hit slime with swords, and buy probably-not irradiated sprinklers from a blob man in the sewers.

i have too many hours in this game.

pokemon mystery dungeon: explorers of sky

i am very tired of pokemon main games. i have been for years. i firmly advocate that the side games are where its at - and pmd:eos is The Best pokemon side game.

you are an amnesiac human-turned pokemon alongside your best friend, as you join an adventurers guild to explore new lands as well as rescue pokemon in need. but somethings going very wrong in the world, and you might just be connected to it all.

explorers of sky is like, the final version with more stuff, but time/darkness are both versions as well.

even when the plot twists are pretty foreseeable (this is a game written for kids, its pokemon) theyre still really good. i remember being a kid as my sister and i played this together and we both sobbed our little hearts out.

the soundtrack is phenomenal, and the gameplay is fun. its just a good game, yall!

off:

off is a french rpg with a free english translation available for download.

off is weird. you, the batter, are on a mission to purify the world. you travel through the zones of the world, defeating spirits and learning more and more about the strange, anxious drone-like inhabitants, the intimidating guardians, and the weird little side characters you meet - and, eventually, the strange child at the heart of it all.

off is slightly spooky, with a plot that that takes a bit to unravel, but its definitely worth it.

monster prom/camp:

a very lgbt+ friendly series, monster prom is a single or multiplayer american dating sim that really digs into the whole monster schtick. you pick your avatar from a list of monstrous choices, and then increase your stats in hope of being cool, charming, smart, etc enough to pick the right dialogue option and woo your intended monster beau.

monster prom is crass and heartfelt, with numerous wild and wacky endings. play it in a group, play it alone, but its funny and sweet either way.

summon an eldritch deity to watch naruto with you, aid your demon boyfriend in his quest to punch the sun, learn the meaning of life with a computer, get really high on illegal and dangerous substances with a ghost, and so much more.

inside:

spooky little puzzle side scroller/platformer

you are a little boy and you are trying to go somewhere. the world is grey and is trying to kill you.

something is very wrong.

[octerminal]

Avoiding the ME1 LI Romances

...And also what to do if you’ve already triggered them.

This is a post I’ve been wanting to remake forever, and with the remaster around the corner I thought now was a good time to finally get on it.

A few things first: I say “avoiding the ME1 LI romances”, but in reality this is mostly going to be about Kaidan and Ashley. While there are a few ways around Liara’s romance I’ve discovered, I have never been able to find a simple way to avoid triggering it. (I’ll get to that later.)

This post will be split into three sections: Kaidan, Ashley, and Liara. Kaidan and Ashley’s sections specifically will go over how to avoid triggering their romances entirely, and then the dialogue choices you need to take if you want to end the romance if it’s already been triggered. I have also included a few bonus things for the both of them, such as avoiding the flirting during the scenic view cutscene in the Citadel Wards. For Kaidan specifically, I have also included content about his mechanics in ME3.

Please note that most of these have been accomplished on console. I have gotten several PC users who do attest that, at the very least, Kaidan’s portion works for them. But on the off-chance that platform influences other parts of Kaidan’s, or Ashley and Liara’s, I thought it was worth mentioning. It should also be said that, obviously, these are all using the original games as a basis, though I am not expecting MELE to change any of this.

I will also be using both my Kaidan transcript and Ashley transcript as reference for their dialogue. I recommend following along there if you find Tumblr’s formatting confusing.

Final note before we begin: this post is not an open invitation to hate on any of these characters. ME1 is turning 14 this year and ME3 recently turned 9. Anything you have to say about these characters and their romance mechanics has already been beaten to death, brought back to life, and beaten to death again. No one wants to hear it, least of all me. Please keep your comments to yourself and be civil.

KAIDAN

“I WANT TO AVOID TRIGGERING IT ENTIRELY, WHAT DO I DO?”

Kaidan’s romance can be triggered after the first main mission has been completed. For many players, I imagine this is Therum, but it really doesn’t matter which mission it is.

Kaidan will prompt the conversation, as he will for every other post-main mission conversation so long as his romance remains active. This conversation will be about his time at Brain Camp. You can read the conversation in his transcript if you find it easier to follow along, though I have done my best to format this post as cleanly as possible.

KAIDAN: Commander, do you have a minute?

SHEPARD: (You can choose whatever dialogue option you want. It makes no difference yet.)

KAIDAN: Off the record, I think there’s something wrong here. This Saren is looking for records on some kind of galactic extinction, but we can’t get backup from the Council? Sorry, Commander. There’s writing on the wall here, but someone isn’t reading it.

SHEPARD: (Again, you may choose whatever dialogue option you want. It still makes no difference yet.)

>FIRST CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

KAIDAN: I hear ya. It - It just seems like a group that’s been around as long as the Council should see this coming. It’s funny. We finally get out here and the final frontier was already settled. And the residents don’t even seem impressed by the view...or the dangers.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Zip it, Lieutenant.): I’m sure your letters home are very poignant. Just keep this kind of sentimentality out of the CIC.

KAIDAN: Yes, ma’am. Sorry to have wasted your time. I’m right about the mission, though. I know it. (The conversation will end here and his romance will not trigger.)

>SECOND CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

SHEPARD (Paragon - Cute way to look at it./Neutral - An old-fashioned view.): Well, well. You’re a romantic. Did you sign on “for the dream,” Alenko? Secure man’s future in space?

KAIDAN: Heh, yeah, I read a lot of those books when I was a kid. Where the hero goes to space to prove himself worthy of a woman he loves. Or, you know. For justice. Maybe I was a romantic in the beginning. But I thought about it after Brain Camp - ah, sorry, “Biotic Acclimation and Temperance training.” I’m not looking for “the dream.” I just want to do some good. See what’s out here. Sorry if I got too informal. Protocol wasn’t a big focus back in BAaT.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Just be ready.): I trust you won’t have any questions when whatever’s coming hits the fan?

KAIDAN: None. I’m not questioning the mission. I’m just concerned. Sorry to have wasted your time, ma’am. It won’t happen again. (The conversation will end here and his romance will not trigger.)

The final chance to cut off Kaidan’s romance before it triggers happens after Shepard asks him about Brain Camp. This opens up a lot of investigation options and you may exhaust all of them. If you want to avoid hearing Kaidan imply that he thinks your Shepard is attractive, avoid the “Time to talk, then./Time to “get physical,” then.” investigation options. Once Kaidan is done speaking about Brain Camp, you will get one final chance to avoid his romance.

>THIRD CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

KAIDAN: Anyway. This was supposed to be a casual debrief, not a bull session about stuff that happened years ago.

SHEPARD (Renegade - You’re right.): I pretty much gave up waiting for the good part.

KAIDAN: Bad habit, ma’am. I do tend to run off at the mouth. I will work on it for my next review. Sorry to have wasted your time, ma’am. It won’t happen again. (The conversation ends and his romance does not trigger.)

You will notice all of these are renegade options. There is literally no way around this if you want to avoid triggering Kaidan’s romance. You don’t get any renegade points from them, and Kaidan does not treat you negatively in the ensuing post-main mission talks.

Here is an easy way to tell if Kaidan’s romance remains active. Conversations between him and Shepard will end like this:

SHEPARD: We’ll talk later, Kaidan.

KAIDAN: I’d like that.

“I’VE ALREADY TRIGGERED IT, HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS?”

The good news is that getting out of the romance is fairly simple. The game gives you a lot of opportunities before it triggers the love triangle with Liara (assuming her romance has also been triggered, anyway).

If Kaidan’s romance was triggered, you will have an opportunity at the beginning of his second and third post-main mission talks. These are a bit more complex to transcribe, so I really recommend just reading them in my transcription if you need the exact dialogue options to understand.

But the gist: You can’t go wrong with choosing the renegade dialogue options. This is always the dialogue option that will end his romance. You are almost never going to end his romance with a paragon or neutral dialogue option. He will always prompt this conversation by wondering if he’s gotten his signals mixed up, if there’s someone else you’d rather spend time with, if he’s being too casual, etc. Once he does this, just shoot him down with a renegade dialogue option.

Again: you get no renegade points from this. He will not treat you negatively in the ensuing post-main mission talks.

Here is an example. This one occurs in his second post-main mission talk if Liara’s romance hasn’t been triggered:

KAIDAN: I’m just saying...try to leave yourself a way out. I’ve seen what cutting corners can do and I’d hate to have that happen to you, Shepard. Commander.

SHEPARD (Renegade - I don’t need approval.): I’m your commanding officer, Alenko. Are you questioning the way I handle things?

KAIDAN: No, Commander. Just concerned about the reception of the brass if things go sour. I apologize for bringing it up. I know we’re getting the job done.

SHEPARD: (You can choose whatever response you like; they all lead to the romance ending.)

If you have repeatedly not broken off the romance with Kaidan after a certain point and Liara’s romance is also active, it will trigger the love triangle scene. This is one of the last points you have to break off Kaidan’s romance, but it will lock you into Liara’s romance instead. If you are wanting a no-romance run, I recommend choosing one of the other options instead.

There is also a separate way to end the romance outside these three opportunities. In the third post-main mission talk, you must pick the dialogue option that triggers the argument that can “renegade” Kaidan’s opinion on the Council. You must not choose the charm or intimidate option here, and you must then pick the renegade dialogue options. The conversation should go like this:

KAIDAN: So yeah, I hated that turian. But he wasn’t “a turian” to me. He was Vyrnnus.

SHEPARD (Renegade - All turians are the same.): You can’t deny the turians are imperialists. And the asari, the salarians - they’re manipulators.

KAIDAN: Shepard, I outgrew the blame game years ago. If the Alliance is missing its chance, it’s because of men like Udina. Not the rest of the galaxy holding it back.

SHEPARD (Renegade - I’m not so sure.): When anyone out here listens to us, the Council starts up with their treaties and heel-dragging. We can only rely on ourselves.

KAIDAN: We’re not doing the galaxy any favors if we try to force our way into a seat at the grown-up table. They aren’t - malicious. They’re just slow to change. My story doesn’t get any better if Vyrnnus is a good guy.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Whose side are you on?): I don’t need you kissing the Council’s asses, too.

KAIDAN: Look, Shepard. You’re in command, and we’ll all follow your lead. But don’t ream me out for having an opinion. I thought we respected each other more than that.

SHEPARD (Renegade - I can’t respect this.): I can’t believe you’d side with aliens over your own kind. I think we’re done here.

KAIDAN: Yeah, I think we are. It’s--It’s too bad we...It’s just too bad, Commander.

This argument will end his romance. He will also not be renegaded. This is obviously a much more convoluted way to end his romance, but I’m throwing the option out there because it’s 1) hilarious, and 2) way more dramatic, if you want to roleplay ending the romance for whatever reason.

MISCELLANEOUS

Depending on the dialogue options you take for the scenic view on the Citadel, Kaidan will always flirt with you. This does not lock you into, or even trigger, his romance. It is entirely possible to not have him flirt with you at all in this scene, and still initiate the romance later. But if you do not want him to flirt with you, simply do this:

[image ID: ME1’s subtitles showing Ashley saying “Or maybe they just don’t like humans.” with the dialogue wheel below it giving the following dialogue choices, starting from the top: “What’s not to like?”, “Let’s move out.”, and “That’s enough, you two.” end ID]

When you get to this part of the scenic view cutscene, choose any dialogue option but the top “What’s not to like?” one.

Also, even if you’ve already avoided or shut down Kaidan’s romance, Liara will still ask if there’s something between the two of you if her romance is active. Tell her that there isn’t (because there isn’t). Her saying this does not re-trigger Kaidan’s romance.

Congratulations, you have now survived ME1’s romance mechanics. Enjoy experiencing unromanced Kaidan for the rest of the game.

ME3 BONUS: “OKAY, WHAT ABOUT HIM FLIRTING WITH ME IN THE HOSPITAL THOUGH?”

I have tested both of these personally multiple times and they have always worked for me, but again: see my warning about different platforms at the beginning of this post. If it doesn’t work for you, please let me know.

If you have not romanced Kaidan previously: don’t buy him the alcohol as a present. That’s it.

If you have romanced Kaidan previously: on Mars, tell him your relationship is over. It is a renegade dialogue option, but it is necessary to avoid the flirtation in the hospital. This route also means that you can buy him the alcohol and he will still not flirt with you.

Please note that going renegade on Mars does not lock you out of his romance. It merely prevents him from assuming you’re interested during your hospital visit.

ME3 BONUS: “OKAY, WHAT ABOUT HIS APOLLO’S PROPOSITION THOUGH?”

This only happens if you have not locked in your romance with your preferred love interest first. For Garrus, this is the bottle shooting date. For Tali and Traynor, it’s inviting her up to your cabin. For Liara and Miranda, it’s her Presidium date. So on and so forth.

This means there is no way around it if you romanced Jacob or Thane and do not want to pursue a different romance after them. If you do get this scene: again, just turn him down. It is never brought up again. He does not act like he’s in love with you going forth. You will get his unromanced date in the Citadel DLC, as well as his unromanced London goodbye.

ASHLEY

“I WANT TO AVOID TRIGGERING IT ENTIRELY, WHAT DO I DO?”

Ashley’s romance can be triggered after the first main mission has been completed. For many players, I imagine this is Therum, but it really doesn’t matter which mission it is.

Ashley will prompt the conversation, as she will for every other post-main mission conversation so long as her romance remains active. This conversation will be about her concerns about the aliens aboard the Normandy.

Note: Ashley has one less opportunity to avoid triggering her romance in the first post-main mission talk compared to Kaidan. You may also read the conversation in her transcript if you find it easier to follow along, though I have done my best to format this post as cleanly as possible.

ASHLEY: Commander. You have a minute to talk?

SHEPARD: (You can choose whatever dialogue option you want. It makes no difference yet.)

ASHLEY: I know things are different aboard the Normandy, but - I'm concerned about the aliens. Vakarian and Wrex. With all due respect, Commander, should they have full access to the ship?

SHEPARD: (Again, you can choose whatever dialogue option you want. It still makes no difference yet.)

>FIRST CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

ASHLEY: This is the most advanced ship in the Alliance Navy. I don't think we should give them free reign to poke around the vital systems. Engines. Sensors. Weapons.

SHEPARD (Side - You're out of line!): That's enough, Chief. You always second-guess your superiors?

ASHLEY: Sir! No, sir! I'm sorry. I was out of line. I'll get back to my duties, Commander. (The conversation will end and her romance will not trigger.)

If you do not pick the above option, Ashley will elaborate her stance further until you get to the dialogue wheel with the second (and final) chance to avoid her romance.

>SECOND CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

ASHLEY: My family's defended the Alliance since it was founded. My father, my grandfather, my great-grandmother - they all picked up a rifle and swore the Oath of Service. I guess we just tend to think of Earth's interests as our own.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Just shut up.): I expect you to keep your family politics to yourself, Chief. The mission will be difficult enough without you picking fights with aliens.

ASHLEY: Aye, aye, Commander. (The conversation will end and her romance will not trigger.)

Note: You can still pick the investigation dialogue options that discusses her service and family history. You just have to pick the renegade dialogue option outlined above afterward, instead of any other option.

Like with Kaidan, you do not get any renegade points for picking this option and Ashley does not treat you negatively in the ensuing post-main mission talks.

Here is an easy way to tell if Ashley’s romance remains active. Conversations between her and Shepard will end with the following:

SHEPARD: We'll talk later, Williams.

ASHLEY: Looking forward to it, sir.

“I’VE ALREADY TRIGGERED IT, HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS?”

Admittedly, you have fewer easy opportunities to end Ashley’s romance than you do Kaidan’s, and most of the early game ones require Liara’s romance also being active. You are still offered multiple different opportunities out before the game ends, however.

If Ashley and Liara’s romances are both triggered, you will have an opportunity at the beginning of Ashley’s second and third post-main mission talks to end the romance. The gist is the same as Kaidan’s: You can’t go wrong with choosing the renegade dialogue options. This is always the dialogue option that will end her romance. You are almost never going to end her romance with a paragon or neutral dialogue option. She will always prompt this conversation by bringing up your relationship with Liara. Once she does this, just shoot her down.

Again: you get no renegade points from this. She will not treat you negatively in the ensuing post-main mission talks.

In both the second and third post-main mission talks, the conversation will go something like:

ASHLEY: Surprised to see you here, sir. Thought you’d be chatting up what’s-her-name. T’Soni.

SHEPARD: (Pick the neutral or renegade dialogue option here; they both lead to the same dialogue branch.)

ASHLEY: Scuttlebutt says you’ve got a bit of a thing for her. I could understand why. The crew’s off-limits, with the regs against fraternization. And at least she looks like a woman.

SHEPARD: (Pick the neutral or renegade dialogue option here. They both end the romance.)

One of the easier exceptions to this that doesn't require Liara’s romance being active is in the second post-main mission talk when Ashley gets Sarah’s vid-mail. It will go like this:

SARAH: - Oh, before I go. You said you’re serving with Commander Shepard now? We saw him on the news here. He’s cute! Later, sis.

ASHLEY: Tell me you didn’t hear that.

SHEPARD (Renegade - That’s unprofessional.): I don’t need to tell you it’s inappropriate to gossip about how “cute” your commanding officer is.

ASHLEY: No, sir. You don’t. Sorry about that. It won’t happen again. (Conversation and romance ends.)

Please note, however, that this will lock you out of the remainder of the conversation and you will not learn about Ashley’s family.

If you have repeatedly not broken off the romance with Ashley after a certain point and Liara’s romance is also active, it will trigger the love triangle scene. This is one of the last points you have to break off Ashley’s romance, but it will lock you into Liara’s romance instead. If you are wanting a no-romance run, I recommend choosing one of the other options instead.

There is also a separate way to end the romance outside these three opportunities. In the third post-main mission talk, you must pick the dialogue option that triggers the argument that can “paragon” Ashley’s opinion on the Council. You must not choose the charm or intimidate option here, and you must then pick the renegade dialogue options. The conversation should go something like this:

ASHLEY: But hey, once we save the galaxy, maybe the Alliance will get its act together. Start acting like an actual government.

SHEPARD (Paragon - The Alliance is all right.): The Alliance isn’t perfect, but it does well enough.

ASHLEY: Have to disagree with you there, skipper. Giving aliens the run of our most advanced ship? Kowtowing to the Council?

SHEPARD (Paragon - It’s not like that.): The Alliance should be able to stand on is own. We can’t. Yet. Why not learn from the races that have been standing for the last thousand years?

ASHLEY: How can you say that, given everything we’ve seen out here? They’re already acting like Saren is our problem. Already siccing us on the bear. The Council races will always think of themselves first. It’s - human nature. We can’t afford to trust them. Not if the survival of humanity is on the line.

SHEPARD (Renegade - I’ve heard enough.): Whatever feelings I might have for you, we have to work with the Council. I can’t let you second-guess our superiors.

ASHLEY: Shepard, I’m a soldier. You’re my commander. If you give me an order, I’ll follow it. I don’t expect you to treat me differently from anyone else under your command. And if you have been - quit it. I thought you knew me better than that.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Do I?): Seems like every time we run up against aliens, you whip out the “Earth first” card. I can’t have my authority undermined.

ASHLEY: I never intended to “undermine” you, Shepard. I believe in you. I wish you’d believe in anyone but yourself. With your permission, sir, I’ll return to my duties.

This argument will end her romance. She will also not be paragoned. This is obviously a much more convoluted way to end her romance, but I’m throwing the option out there because it’s 1) hilarious (that final line, oof), and 2) way more dramatic, if you want to roleplay ending the romance for whatever reason.

MISCELLANEOUS

Like with Kaidan, depending on the dialogue options you take for the scenic view on the Citadel, Ashley will always flirt with you. This does not lock you into, or even trigger, her romance. It is entirely possible to not have her flirt with you at all in this scene, and still initiate the romance later. But if you do not want her to flirt with you, simply do this:

[image ID: ME1’s subtitles showing Ashley saying “Or maybe they just don’t like humans.” with the dialogue wheel below it giving the following dialogue choices, starting from the top: “What’s not to like?”, “Let’s move out.”, and “That’s enough, you two.” end ID]

When you get to this part of the scenic view cutscene, choose any dialogue option but the top “What’s not to like?” one.

Also like with Kaidan, even if you’ve already avoided or shut down Ashley’s romance, Liara will still ask if there’s something between the two of you if her romance is active. Tell her that there isn’t (because there isn’t). Her saying this does not re-trigger Ashley’s romance.

Congratulations, you have now survived ME1’s romance mechanics. Enjoy experiencing unromanced Ashley for the rest of the game.

LIARA

“I WANT TO AVOID TRIGGERING IT ENTIRELY, WHAT DO I DO?”

As I mentioned in the beginning of this post, I have found no easy way around Liara’s romance. If anyone else has, I genuinely mean it when I say I would absolutely be open to you telling me, because I would love to know.

The only way to avoid triggering Liara’s romance that I have found are the following:

Simply not talking to her for most of the game (not ideal)

Completing Therum only after you’ve done at least two main missions (also not ideal since it will require Noveria being completed without her)

Completing Therum only after all the other main missions have been completed (again not ideal, though every player should at least do this once if only for the unique content you get from it)

Okay, so what if you want to complete Therum first but still avoid Liara’s romance? I have found one way to accomplish this, but it requires you to be in a romance with Kaidan (or presumably Ashley, but I have only tested this with Kaidan).

After you recruit Liara, you may check up on her in the med-bay but do not initiate conversation after that. If she prompts you by saying, “I get the feeling you want to ask me something, Commander,” do not pick the yellowed dialogue option:

[image ID: ME1′s subtitles showing Liara saying, “I get the feeling you want to ask me something, Commander.” with the dialogue wheel showing the following options: “Investigate”, a yellowed option above “Investigate” labeled “I’d like to talk about you.”, and “Goodbye.” end ID.]

After you complete another main mission, you can check back in with Liara and speak to her normally. This conversation should be the one you’d normally get after Therum, where you learn about why she likes archaeology and how she finds Shepard fascinating.

After you complete another main mission, you must talk to Kaidan or Ashley first. To clarify: at this point you should be at the post-third main mission mark. For Kaidan, you will be getting the “Vyrnnus and Rahna” talk that you can read in his transcript; for Ashley, you will be getting the “Williams Curse” talk that you can read in her transcript.

After you speak with Kaidan or Ashley, you may speak with Liara as normal. This conversation should be picking up on where you left off last time. Liara will talk about how she’s looked into Shepard’s history and Shepard can press her for why she’s so interested in them. Liara should then say something like the following lines:

LIARA: I admit, your connection to the Protheans had something to do with my initial interest. But it has grown beyond that. My interest in you, however, is strictly professional. I want to make that clear. It is obvious you and Lt. Alenko already have some type of relationship. I would not want to come between you.

Her romance will not trigger for the rest of the game.

Please note: Again, I have only tested this with Kaidan. But it should, in theory, work the exact same for Ashley considering many of hers and Kaidan’s other romance mechanics are identical.

“THAT’S NICE, BUT HOW DO I END HER ROMANCE IF IT’S ALREADY TRIGGERED?”

You will follow the same steps as in Kaidan and Ashley’s portions. When she prompts you with whether or not there’s anything between the two of you, you must turn her down. You can never go wrong with the renegade dialogue options here. Again: you get no renegade points for it, and Liara treats you no differently going forth.

She will also usually bring up Kaidan or Ashley depending on what Shepard you are playing, and mention that it seems like there’s something between the two of you even when you do not have their romance active. If you aren’t romancing the VS, just tell her that she’s got it wrong, because...she does. It does not re-trigger either of their romances.

YES I AM ALMOST DONE TALKING

The game really does give you ample opportunities to avoid or end the romances (which is only fair considering how easy they are to trip), so hopefully I have outlined at least one you are comfortable taking.

There are other ways to end both Kaidan and Ashley’s romance that I did not mention (such as during the locker scene, or if you try to un-paragon/renegade) - the point of no return you mainly have to worry about is en route to Ilos. I imagine most players will have their romances sorted out by then, though, so I’m not sure it’s worth mentioning unless you’re wanting to do it purely for roleplay reasons. (In which case: you may read those in their respective transcripts if you’re curious.)

I cannot say I have tested every single romance cut-off, but I have tested most of the important ones players are most likely to take. I am assuming the romances are cut off based on the fact Shepard and the VS’ farewells will change depending on their romanced status (as I outlined in their respective sections), which I do feel is a safe bet. But if you try one of these and find that it did not end the romance: I’m sorry, and please do let me know (and also what platform you play on).

If you read all of this: thank you for your time, and I hope you find this guide useful!

[idy-ll-ique]

Paparazzi.

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x F!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Warnings: TOO META, m*sturbation, mentions of s*x

Requested: nope

Summary: I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me... Y/N Y/L/N writes Marvel fanfictions. One day, Sebastian stumbles upon her account and, unable to help himself, reads all the stuff she has written about him. He didn't mean to fall so hard for her but he does. How can he not? She has shown him parts of himself that he never even knew existed.

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! Okay so a few weeks ago I read a similar (but dark) fanfic and I really wanted to write a softer version of it... Enjoy!

---

Same old, boring routine.

Y/N hit post and slumped against the headrest of her bed, sighing. She waited; a minute, then two passed and she noticed that someone had liked her post. She smiled to herself as she kept her phone away. Though boring, she wouldn't trade her life for the world. Y/N… well, she was a university student first and foremost but she was also a writer.

Being a big fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, she had started writing fanfictions a few years ago. She posted them on Tumblr, where her blog, though not very well-known, stood out enough for her posts to get around 800-1000 likes per post. She loved it; she loved writing, she loved posting her stories and especially, she loved the feedback.

Sometimes people were rude, but most times, the reviews she got were fantastic. She read each and every one of them, smiling goofily as people freaked out over her fanfictions. It warmed her heart. A smile automatically blooming on her face, Y/N lay down on the bed and decided to go to sleep, it being almost 3 am.

Unbeknownst to her, someone else was up at the same time, tossing and turning in his bed, restless.

Sebastian sighed as he sat up, running a hand through his hair. He drank some water and lay down again, closing his eyes but it was like sleep was mad at him. Refused to be anywhere near him. He groaned to himself and picked up his phone from the nightstand, deciding to go through Instagram, hoping he'd finally fall asleep to the glare of the screen.

As he logged into his account, he skipped the activity page and went straight to the explore page. Bored, he continued scrolling until his eyes landed on a specific photo. And the breath escaped his lungs when he clicked on it; the woman in the picture was absolutely gorgeous. He just couldn't resist going to her page, smiling widely when he read her bio.

It gave him her basic information; her name, her age, the university she attended. But what caught his eye was the link below the bio. My Marvel Fanfictions Master List. Marvel fanfictions? She was a writer? Smirking, he clicked on the link and it took him to Tumblr. Of course, he'd heard of the site, but didn't have an account on there. At 3 am, his mind sure wasn't working right.

A post popped up on the screen, the same master list she had mentioned earlier. And his eyes bulged out of their sockets; damn, those are a lot of fanfictions. He went through the whole thing, smirking again when he noticed that she had written the most fanfictions about him. Not Bucky Barnes, no, Sebastian Stan.

He clicked on the first one. The date of posting was way back, in 2019. He started reading; nothing about it felt weird to him; he was intrigued, if anything. And as he continued reading, he couldn't help but imagine her being in the stead of the female protagonist. Her, the writer. The woman whose picture had made him end up reading in the first place.

When he finished the story, his heart thudded wildly in his chest. Wow, she really has a way with words. And he had also noticed how in the author's note, she used a lot of slang but reading the story had made him realize that she had an amazing, extensive vocabulary. He went back to the master list and clicked on the latest post under his name.

Posted: 15 minutes ago.

His breath hitched in his throat when he read the warnings: there was going to be sexual intercourse in this one. For one moment, he hesitated; did he really want to read this? "Oh fuck it," he huffed and scrolled, starting to read. The more he read, the more his shaft twitched in his pants. He wasn't really like that during… but oh damn, he wasn't complaining.

"Oh, Seb…"

His hand slid down and he rubbed himself through his boxers, unable to take his eyes off the text in front of him. His strokes got harder and faster as the sex got steamier. "Ungh, I'm gonna cum—" And he suddenly came in his boxers, groaning. Slumping down on the bed, he quickly finished reading the rest of it, going back to the master list.

He took a screenshot with the account's name in it and then went back to her Instagram account to take another screenshot. Keeping his phone away, he slipped out of his boxers, cleaned himself and pulled the covers on top of him, finally feeling tired enough to fall asleep.

---

Y/N was walking across the campus of her university, going to the cafeteria when her phone buzzed in her pocket. Taking it out, she opened Tumblr to read the message someone had sent her just then.

his-username: Hi there! I was binging your account last night, you write really well

your-username: Omg thank you!!!! I really appreciate it, I love getting feedback! 🥺❤

his-username: You're welcome! Especially your latest post, that was really good ;)

your-username: hehe 😈 glad you liked it!

Smiling widely, she kept her phone away and continued walking, not knowing that the person who had texted her was the same man she had written about. Sebastian smiled to himself when he read her text. After getting up in the morning, the first thing he had done was install Tumblr on his phone. Then he made an account for himself.

Figuring out the app was easy; he found out that there was an option to keep your liked posts and the accounts you followed hidden, and selected it immediately. No one needed to know what he did on the app. Then he went back to her account, pressed the follow button and started binge-reading her fanfictions again. Last night had he read only two, and that had left him wanting more.

Funny how much things can change in a night. He liked and reblogged all her posts without a second thought; he even read all her Bucky Barnes posts. She understood his character so well, put him on what he thought was an undeserved pedestal while writing about him. Some of the stories were AUs, which he found out stood for Alternate Universes. Mostly mobster or mafia stuff.

He had the day off, and he spent the entire time cooped up in his apartment, on his bed, reading. The more he read, the more he started fawning over her, over the version of him that she put out to the world. Dominating, suave and just perfect. He loved it. At the end of the day, he decided to text her again, hoping she wouldn't think he was weird or find out the truth.

his-username: do you wanna be friends, maybe? I'm new to the app, don't really have any friends here ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

That was a lie, he knew Mark Ruffalo had an active Tumblr account. But it's not like he could tell him.

your-username: Yes sure!!!! I was also thinking of making some friends on this app lol

his-username: You don't have any on here? But you've been here for years, haven't you?

your-username: haha yeah, but I don't really reach out to people much. Sometimes people leave their feedbacks on my posts, text me but that's that

his-username: Ohhh

his-username: well, let's start with names. Mine's Sebastian

your-username: Really?????? omg that's so cool lmaooooooo (didn't think you were a boy but 😳👀)

his-username: Not a boy, I'm a man 😤😂

your-username: 🤣 im y/n, btw

his-username: Y/N, that's a nice name

your-username: thank you!!!! So, what do you do?

his-username: nothing really that interesting, I'm in theatre

your-username: theatre is nice! I'm studying at [university] in New York lmao

his-username: Wait you're in New York? So am I!

your-username: ASDFHKSHKGF that's awesome!!! also I noticed that you've been going through my account the whole day 😏 notifications upon notifications keeping my phone busy

his-username: Oopsie?

your-username: 😂���� I really don't mind, it was great! Despite the amount of likes on my posts, I only have a few loyal followers lmao gaining one more felt nice

your-username: You a big fan of Sebastian Stan? Cuz I noticed that you were only reading his and Bucky's fics 👀

Sebastian's face heated up.

his-username: kinda yeah 🤷🏻‍♂️😁

your-username: Cool cool cool, I'm a big fan of his too!!!! also got a crush on him but whatever 😳

Sebastian smirked at his phone. A crush on him, huh? That… was acceptable. He suddenly felt his cocky side coming out; the one she described in nearly all her fanfictions.

his-username: wouldn't blame ya, I mean, look at him. You have also written the most fics about him and Bucky

your-username: right????? damn that man has raised my standards. Anyway, I gtg now, I have to finish a paper before midnight. ttyl!

his-username: Bye! 👋🏻

He kept his phone away and took in a deep breath. This was the most fun he had had in years, and he was not letting her go so easy. He realized he was quickly falling for her; rather unhealthy, but he couldn't help it. Look at her. She looks like a goddamn angel, writes like one, makes him feel like one, do you really expect him not to fall for her? That's insane.

---

Months passed by like a breeze. Y/N and Sebastian had become very good friends, and he knew his way around words just enough to keep her from finding out his identity while not lying to her. Y/N also appreciated his friendship, because he was the one to whom she could rant about her most favorite man in the world— Sebastian Stan.

Sometimes, she thought about how weird of a coincidence it was that her new friend and the actor shared the same names, but then she used to brush it off; that was a common name, right? They talked for hours on end; Sebastian (her friend, not the actor) was extremely witty, smart and fun to talk to, she had to admit. Sebastian felt the same way.

His feelings had worsened. Y/N entirely owned his heart now. Somedays, he'd just go on Instagram, go to her account— her username memorized by him— and stare at her photos until he grew tired; he'd never get tired of looking at her beautiful face but his stiff body afterwards begged to differ. She was just so Elysian. He longed for the moment when he could meet her in real life.

His personality had also changed majorly, and people had caught on. Especially his Marvel co-stars, who knew him to be introverted, shy and, in Anthony Mackie's words, "boring". They were surprised at his sudden change in attitude; he knew his worth and Y/N had helped tremendously in finding it. Now, all those adjectives that she used in her fanfictions fit him perfectly.

Sebastian was never tempted to read fanfictions about himself from authors other than Y/N. No, he only loved her work. He was sure no one else could write as beautifully as she did, he was her #1 fan. Y/N even sent him funny Marvel memes she found on the app and he used to enjoy them heartily; God, the others have no idea what they're missing out on. Our fans are awesome.

Everything was going well.

Until one day.

Sebastian was getting bored at home, so he decided to go to the nearby library to clear his mind. He had read not one book in the past few months, hung up on Y/N's fanfictions. At this point, he was obsessed with her and he knew it. It was nothing dark, per se, it was— it was similar to how Y/N was attracted to Sebastian. How she was a fan of his work.

Just the same. He was a fan of her work in the same way. Just how she was attracted to him, he was attracted to her. Walking into the library that he visited often, he gave the librarian a smile and ventured further into the dark place. He checked his watch; the library closed at 12 am, it was currently 9:30 pm.

Not many people were around, heck, nobody was around. He thought himself to be all alone until he heard it. A sigh, coming from a few aisles away. He walked in that direction and peeked around the corner, freezing when he saw the other person. Y/N? Her books were strewn all across the table as she sat alone at the booth, rubbing her temples.

"You okay?"

She looked up and her breath caught in her throat. I'm dreaming. This is not real. Now I know for a fact that Sebastian Stan is not standing in front of me, asking me if I'm— "Hello?" He snapped his fingers in front of her face, pulling her out of her thoughts. "I, uh— I'm— h-hi," she stammered and he almost chuckled. "Hi." She gulped visibly and blinked at the table, not meeting his eyes.

"Can I have a seat?" He wants to sit with me?! "Y-Yes, sure, sir," she blurted out and he easily slid into the booth next to her. "Hey, please, call me Sebastian. What's your name?" He gave her a friendly smile, even though all he wanted to do was push her back into the booth and kiss her wildly. His shaft twitched just by thinking about it; Y/N was a thousand times more beautiful in person.

"I'm Y/N, it's very nice to meet you, I'm… I'm a fan," she admitted, playing with the ring she wore on her left thumb. I'm your fan too, sweetheart, the biggest one. "Y/N, nice name. You come here often? I haven't really seen you around." She shook her head. "Oh no no, I moved to this part of the city just a week ago, this is my first time here. The library is cozy," she shrugged, easing out of her tense position.

Sebastian nodded. "Yes, I know, this place is awesome. Got all my favorite books here," he chuckled and she smiled at him. "What's all this?" A groan left her lips. "Ugh, stupid university work. I have to write a book report but I don't even know what to write about." He smiled gently. "Well, I have a few favorite books, would you like some suggestions?"

"Oh, please! Tell me!"

He started listing some of his favorite works and Y/N noted the names down until he said the last name. At that, she froze. That's the name of my latest— She looked up but he had a smile on his face. "Oh, and the last one is by my favorite author." He took a pause. "Y/N Y/L/N." She froze completely, staring at the man with her jaw dropped.

Sebastian grinned. "We finally meet, Y/N, I've been waiting for months." Her mouth opened and closed several times as she recalled every interaction she had had with her online best friend— scratch that— her celebrity crush. All the times she had confessed her love for Sebastian Stan, all the dirty and inappropriate memes that she'd sent him…

Embarrassment flooded her entire body as she exhaled shakily. "It was you," she croaked out, "On Tumblr, the account— I'm so sorry—" Sebastian frowned in confusion when she blinked back sudden tears, a few still rolling down her cheeks as shame replaced embarrassment. "Y/N, please don't cry…" She looked up at him, his figure blurry due to her tears.

"You've read everything, haven't you? I just— I'm sorry, I don't want to make you uncomfortable—" He pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. Y/N couldn't hug back, though she appreciated the hug especially since it came from him. "You don't know how much you mean to me, doll," he mumbled into her shoulder, using the nickname she often used in the stories she wrote about him. He grew accustomed to it easily.

"Huh?"

He pulled away to wipe her tears. "It was an accident," he admitted, "But I stumbled onto your Instagram account from my explore page. Then I clicked on your account, saw that you wrote Marvel fanfictions and I just couldn't resist the urge to read what you had written. Blame it on 3 am me, to be honest. You're a great writer, and I was immediately drawn to your works. They're awesome.

"They've helped me so much in the past few months. You see this changed attitude that everyone's been talking about lately? All because of you, sweetheart. I'm sorry for keeping my identity secret, but after reading your works, I knew I had to get closer to you. I made the Tumblr account just for you, just so I could talk to you. I'm sorry for lying, but thank you."

Y/N dumbfoundedly stared at him for a few moments, her heart beat getting steady with each thump. Here was a man she admired, loved more than anyone else in the world, telling her that he harbored the same feelings for her. How crazy was that?! Not trusting her words, she simply pulled him into another hug. Sebastian wrapped his arms tight around her, pulling her flush against him.

"Can I kiss you, doll?"

She slowly pulled away from him and nodded, shyly biting her lip. Grinning at the endearing gesture, Sebastian cupped her face and leaned in, gently pressing his lips to hers. The kiss grew hungry in a matter of seconds, and Y/N responded just as eagerly. His hands slid down to her waist and tugged on it, pulling her on his lap. She straddled his thighs as they continued kissing.

"Fuck," he groaned when they finally pulled away from each other, out of breath and panting. "You see what you do to me, doll?" Sebastian spoke huskily as he took her hand, placing it right on top of the tent that was forming in his pants. "Oh," Y/N whimpered when she felt him, the sound going straight to his shaft. "How about I take you home and we recreate some of the scenes from your stories, hm?"

"O-Okay."

"Good girl."

---

A/N: What a meta experience 🤡 Leave a like if you enjoyed, thanks for reading!

[bemusedlybespectacled]

okay, you absolutely don't have to answer this if you wouldn't like to, but i am very curious about the funny story about your best friend's suicide???

OKAY THIS IS THE STORY

so just for the record this was @aquietrevolutionary who I actually do still follow even though she died in 2017 but ANYWAY OKAY THIS IS UNDER A CUT BECAUSE IT'S VERY LONG

also, like, content warning for death/suicide/mental health stuff. obviously.

so, just for background information: I was roommates with her for almost our entire college experience so I knew her and her parents really well. her mom was very friendly but also an evangelical Christian who thought fantasy fiction was witchcraft, and her dad was also nice but an atheist libertarian who was extremely pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps. unsurprisingly, they were divorced.

I definitely played up the Extremely Modest And Conservatively Religious vibe I tend to give off due to my fashion choices and hairstyle when I was around them, so they also really liked me. this + the fact that I was her best friend meant that, at one point, she made me her emergency contact and gave me her parents' telephone numbers in case something happened to her.

[narrator voice] this was foreshadowing.

after we graduated, several things happened to tank her mental health that are too long to get into, but basically, she'd already been hospitalized once because she had an extremely active plan (as in "had bought a gun and was sending out goodbye texts"). so her having shit mental health was a known thing, but she'd been talked off the ledge at least once before. so when I heard from a friend of hers that she hadn't posted to tumblr in days and had skipped a planned D&D session, I called in a welfare check on the non-emergency line in her city.

that was a Saturday night. I didn't hear anything from the cops all Sunday. Sunday evening I called them back to be like, "Um yes excuse me could you let me know if my friend is alive????" and the cop who was on the phone with me was like "oh yeah, she's dead. do you have any contacts for her next of kin?"

oh boy DID I. but I had them in the notes app of my phone, and I couldn't find it & stay on the call at the same time, so I asked to call them back in five minutes while I found the numbers. when I called back in five minutes, the same cop said, exact words: "oh, we don't need that information anymore, someone's already been notified."

oh cool! they must have found her dad's contact info and already called him! (narrator voice: this is also foreshadowing) so I call him and leave a voicemail along the lines of, "Hi, Mr. Revolutionary, this is BB, Quiet's roommate, I'm so sorry about what happened." I get a call an hour later from him being like "hi BB uh can you tell me what in the hell you're talking about," because he'd literally just gotten off a plane from a vacation in Hawaii and the first voicemail he listened to when he got off the plane was an incredibly ominous voicemail from me.

SPOILER ALERT: HE HAD NOT BEEN CONTACTED. I WAS THE ONE WHO HAD TO TELL HIM SHE DIED.

I still do not know who the fuck the cops contacted, unless they meant that they'd contacted me, which 1) they hadn't contacted me, I called them, and 2) I'd literally only been off the phone with them for five minutes. I know it wasn't her job, her dad, her mom, her sister, or anyone else in her immediate circle. so like, all I can think of is that the cop got off the phone with me, ticked some little box that said "emergency contact notified" somewhere, and then immediately forgot the entire conversation he'd had with me five minutes prior.

so now – because I'm the one person that everyone who knew her also knew and I'm also the person who called in the welfare check and hey, I've already done it once! – I'M NOW THE DESIGNATED DEATH ANNOUNCER. so I'm the one who got called up by her job to ask where she was, and also the person who had to break the news to all our mutual friends, and also the one who sent in her death notice to our alma mater, and for NINE MONTHS AFTERWARDS I was STILL getting Facebook messages from people like, "Oh, wow, I didn't realize she was dead! let's talk about her for an hour, stranger!" because that's my job now, I guess.

BUT IT GETS WORSE

I took the weekend to go to her funeral, and like. I was in law school. I didn't have a lot of funeral-appropriate attire. so I was wearing my one black sort of business dress that's really thick and hot, and the funeral was in Virginia in September so it was basically summer, and I had to wear it to the airport because I wouldn't have time to change before the funeral. so I show up at her mom's house for the funeral pre-game dressed like, you know, someone who's going to a funeral, and everyone else is in, like. tie-dyed T-shirts and jeans. somehow, I managed to be overdressed AT A FUCKING FUNERAL.

BUT NO. IT GETS WORSE.

for the next...... hour? or so? I had a VERY awkward conversation with her mother on her porch about why she thought her daughter had killed herself. her personal theory was that she'd [sinful thing redacted out of respect for her mom asking me not to repeat it] and felt so guilty about it that she had to kill herself. (she had not-completely-speculative reasons for this theory but it was incredibly unlikely if you knew my roommate well at all)

and I'm sitting there sweating my ass off like "how the fuck do I tell this woman that not only do I know all the gory details of her daughter's life and can guarantee that what she thinks happened did not happen but also that I'm 99% sure the reason she killed herself is because she felt like she'd never experience sex or romantic love because honestly sometimes she was a little bit of an incel and yet also somehow maintain the illusion that I am an innocent neophyte who thinks bare knees are sinful and would never discuss such a thing???"

anyway I and her family and our friends all went to the funeral (which I found incredibly ironic because she was an adamant atheist and yet they kept saying she was "in the arms of Jesus"), and then my friends and I went out for Chinese food, and then we went back to our respective accommodations.

now, again, going to the funeral was an emergency situation. I wasn't exactly booking a vacation here. so I'd booked a $50/night motel room nearish the airport because it was cheap and available.

this was a mistake.

at like 4 AM, there's someone fucking banging on my door. it was a lady who was very clearly intoxicated (unsure if she was drunk or high or both but she was NOT aware), and apparently she thought that my motel room was someone else's, because she's like, "LET ME IN, BABY! BABY, I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! BABY, I'M SORRY! LET ME IN!"

so like. okay. I've just spent the past week being Death's Telephone Operator while also going to my 3L classes and clinic and trying to write a eulogy for someone who doesn't actually feel dead to me yet. I showed up to this funeral dressed like Morticia Adams at a business conference when apparently the dress code was T-shirts and jeans and no one told me. I had the incredibly awkward experience of trying to not reveal every intimate detail of my dead friend's life to her fucking mother while also trying to give her support and closure. and now some drunk lady is trying to break into my motel room to find her boyfriend or some shit.

anyway that's how I ended up at a Waffle House at 7 AM, because my life was a complete shambles at the moment but Waffle Houses are a constant and I hadn't been to one since starting law school and GOD IF I'M ALLOWED TO ENJOY ONE THING THIS WEEKEND IT'S GOING TO BE FUCKING WAFFLE HOUSE.

[jesslockwood]

Photo Opportunities

Word Count: 2.7k

Pairing(s): Tom Holland x Actress!Reader

Warnings: FLUFF with a slightly (barely) suggestive sentence towards the end 

A/n: damn I can't write anything except actress reader? smh but this is for @londonspidey ‘s sit-com Writing challenge (ik I'm early lol) but I was so excited I wrote the whole thing in one go lmao the prompt is bolded!

Calling yourself a fan was an understatement. You were obsessed with anything and everything marvel. And oddly enough, you could after today say you were in the club. It wasn’t a public fact yet, until later that day actually, at the Marvel panel at comic con that you were being announced as the actress for the character, Felica Hardy and no one else knew except for the people who cast you and your best friend who signed an NDA. You were technically still a known actress for your roles on television mainly as Thalia on the PJO Disney + series and a couple of still decently sized films. 

You were currently wrapping up signing autographs for fans of yours for today. Your team had planned it out so it wasn’t suspicious that you were at the con with a few of your castmates scattered doing other junkets and press so people wouldn’t guess who they were acting as the cast for new marvel projects. 

You had been planning to go meet your best friend, who wasn’t in the industry before getting a text that she bought you both a photo-op with someone and she wouldn’t tell you who. You couldn’t only assume it was a marvel actor that you would indeed, freak out. 

Y/b/n: btw I brought you a mask. I get the wig lol.

You: please tell me it doesn’t cover my full face. Also, how are we posing?

Y/b/n: I bought as many photo ops as I could so a lot of different ones, And if I tell you the poses it’ll spoil it.

You: is this with the money I pay you to be my assistant with? Lol fine I’m omw with security

Y/b/n: maybe… 

Y/b/n: and they’ll need more backup security for who we’re getting a photo op with than you do for your hellfire.

You roll your eyes before taking your stuff and exiting the booth, before heading out the backways with staff security and your detailed security for the day. You only had security because you wanted to explore the con when you weren’t needed.

Your best friend had also been your assistant for the con weekend, but you didn’t want her to be confined to you the whole three days so when she could, you would let her explore it, at least she could experience it as a fan, right?

When you made it to that part of the building, you wanted to wait in line with her, which your security didn’t agree to so she texted you when there were about five people ahead of her. She was one of the last in line, with you asking her to be kind, so others would get their chance to be first with whomever it was. 

When she texted you and your detailed exit, getting a few stares and others taking their phones out to either take photos or tweet, you wave at them before joining your best friend in line.

“Here,” she says before handing you none other than a black cat mask before she puts on a red wig. 

You glare at her slightly trying to not make a scene, before putting it on. 

“I’m assuming you're Mary Jane?” you laugh figuring out that it had to be someone from Spider-Man.

“How’d you- never mind.” She laughs with you.

She then explains how she’s going to pose for your five photo ops, joking in between how she should “get a raise for this”.

You catch sight of him before sucking in your breath. This was either going to go down amazingly or terribly, there was no in-between with you. 

“Excuse Me, are you Y/n Y/l/n?”

You turn around and are met by some fans who were standing in line behind you.

“I am! How’s your con going?” you ask politely to the two of them.

“It's going amazing! We love you as Thalia! Could we maybe get a picture? Only if it’s okay?”

“Of course! Thank you for supporting me!” your best friend grabs their phone to take the photo, before you take off the mask, and stand between the two fans, and your best friend snaps a few photos. 

“Thank you so much! And Are you fans of Tom?”

You start slowly walking back to catch up to the line. 

“Yeah, I love him as Spiderman, but I also enjoy his other roles. He's very talented, I'd love to work with him one day!” 

“Have you seen him in Uncharted?  We love Him as Nathan drake!”

“I have, he was amazing per usual! How are you two posing with him?”

They show you their innovative pose. You laugh and tell them it's great before you have to wish them goodbye before heading up for your turn for the photo op. 

“How do we want to pose- hang on, I recognize you!”

You freeze slightly before your friend mouths for you to flirt. You look down at the mask in your hand before getting into character and saying “Of course you do Spidey, I'm always causing you trouble.” you put on the mask and wink. 

He seems slightly stunned, laughing, feeling like he’s seen you somewhere, not only because he found you extremely gorgeous, while in his peripheral vision he sees his brother/ assistant, Harry waving like a madman on the side. 

Your friend directs you both through the poses, first, one both him putting “webs” onto you as she looks over his shoulder, the second one, both of you kissing his cheeks, the third, all jumping in the air in your best superhero poses, the fourth one she gets a photo op alone and the last one she gives to you,

“Seriously, who are you?”

“Your Wildest dreams, baby,” you say, taking off the mask. 

Your best friend yells “freestyle” from the sidelines before Tom dips you, gently, with you shocked, holding the mask out with your free arm and the photo captures that moment. 

 He gently helps you stand back up fully, not before you drop the mask.

“Nice moves Spider-Man.”

“Not so bad yourself, Black Cat.”

You laugh before, taking off with your best friend, well more her dragging you to the printing station leaving the mask behind. Tom picks it up before shoving it in his back pocket to hopefully give back if he could find you. 

-

`You were sitting in the green room, trending on Twitter before you were actually supposed to be trending on Twitter, and god knows where else.  

Someone had snuck a video of you and Tom, up till him dipping you, and a video of you interacting with the fans in the line.

Your Y/b/n was currently reading off some tweets out loud

“‘A kind queen we stan.’  I agree, I also agree with ‘Date her if you can't date me tom!!!’.

‘THALIA AND PETER PARKER??? My two fandoms have collided.’ same, same. Oo this one says, ‘if she ain’t playing black cat I will sue marvel.’ I'm dying at the reply ‘She needs to post the photos or I'll sue her!’. This one’s funny, ‘she could squash him like a bug in heels but he liked his queen like that.’.”

She pauses watching you texting.

“Y/n? Y/n?”

“What? Sorry I was only half listening. I was texting my publicist. She said to stay on the DL until tonight. 

“Well we should get food, you haven't eaten since this morning.”

“By the way, your show has shot to number one on Disney +. Also, you have like three times the followers you had before, probably cause you're trending on every platform, even Tumblr!”

“Wow you should just become my social media manager now.” you joke trying to ease the joy yet weirded out feeling in your stomach.

“Does that come with a raise? Because after today I've spent way too much of what I'm paid.” she jokes back.

-

After finishing his photo ops Tom asked Harry who she was and to find out. By the time he finished autographs for the day, Tom and Harry walked to the panel room in the back for announcements, one that included him for the new Avengers movie, while Harry gave him the rundown.

“So she’s an actress, she plays Thalia on Disney plus’ Percy Jackson series, and that's her most known project. The other girl with her is her assistant best friend, and now she's trending everywhere. People dug up some old photos of her being a marvel/Spider-Man fan, so there's that. And she's here at the con for the rest of the weekend. She's doing photo ops tomorrow at one, and yes she's single from what I gather since you were looking at her like this.” he makes a weird face before tom smacks him.

“And plus you have time in your schedule to get a photo op with her, that is if you eat lunch quickly.”

That gave Tom an idea. 

“Harry I’m going to need you to book me one, oh and help me find a Spider-Man costume!” He says, before leaving harry to do ‘assistant’ work. entering the green room for the announcements, watching them announce a new movie.

“We are so excited to announce to the Marvel Universe, and spider-verse-” that perked tom’s ears, “-directed by Gina Prince-Bythewood, and today we are announcing our amazing Miss Felicia Hardy, please give a warm welcome to the stage, Your Black Cat!”

You suddenly emerged in an aisle way, dressed in all black with a leather jacket, black ankle boots, and of course black sunglasses indoors.

The music is marvel music until it suddenly changes after a recorded laugh from you into “I can’t be tamed by Miley Cyrus”.

You start owning the music while saying hi and touching fans’ hands. You decide to take off your sunglasses and throwing them to a fan, for them to keep, before getting on stage.

“What a Performance from the one the only Y/n Y/l/n!”

You laugh, being met with the loudest applause you had heard all con before being handed a Mic. 

“Thank you but I'm a terrible dancer.” You Joke.

Tom was staring at the screen stunned. You had been the black cat all along. You were in the marvel universe and spidey one,  so he'd definitely be seeing more of you. The hard part is that you seemed so genuine when you talked, interacted with fans and was no doubt, stunning. 

“Better close your mouth or the flies will get in.” Tom turns around to find the voice of none other than his friend slash bully, Sebastian Stan, along with Anthony Mackie.

“Looks like the kid has a crush!” Anthony laughs, pointing to the screen you were on.

“I-I don’t! I don’t even know her!” Tom tries to come to his own defense, hopelessly.

“She’s got you whipped already don’t even deny it.” Harry comes in, joining the teasing of one, Tom Holland.

“Maybe we can invite her out for drinks tonight, then fanboy over here can meet her, and then probably scare her off!” Anthony mentions.

“You haven’t looked on the internet? They’ve already met.” Seb says, before showing Anthony twitter. 

Anthony stands there slightly shocked before bursting into laughter.

“Well, she’s damn well a keeper for Tom since she obviously likes him.”

A staff member peaks their head in the green room to tell Tom he’s up next.

“Well, that’s my cue to leave you two!”

On the other hand, you were on an adrenaline high from being on stage, and seeing all the fans. You knew tomorrow was going to be crazy, as you expected people to book your photo op left and right since the announcement. 

You had decided to decline an offer from your fellow marvel universe castmates, Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie, which they so graciously told you that whenever you’re free, the offer still stood. 

You had gotten to your hotel room seeing your phone blowing up on the social media apps for the second time that day. 

You responded to the important stuff, before heading to bed, knowing it was going to be hectic.

-

You had been right, it was absolutely insane, the number of people who showed up. You had fully booked all your time slots for photo ops. You had seen so many people dressed up in marvel cosplay, ranging from Loki to Ironman, even some people dressed up as your character, which was wildly insane to see.

You had been nearing the end of the line and had enjoyed every moment with the fans, and you couldn’t wait for your autographing session later that day, to truly get a chance to talk to the fans and connect with them and how they felt about you being their beloved Black Cat. 

After a few more photos, posing how they wanted, you see a fully dressed, head to toe, mask and all, Spider-Man. You had seen some spider-mans but most took off their masks to snap a picture. The person was the last in line. 

“Hey Black Cat.” The southern American accented voice tells you, seeming very familiar. 

“Hey, Spider, what poses do you have up your sleeve?” you ask kindly.

“I bought a few, Cat.” they laugh.

“Okay, You can do whatever a spider can right?” you pull out a line out of the comics jokingly.

“I can do flips if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Is that some kind of nerd pick-up line? Because it’s only kind of working.” you laugh. 

“I really can, but this is one.”

He gets down on one knee, holding a black cat mask instead of a ring. The photographer captures the shocked expression on your face.

“I- Don’t- What- Spider I-” 

“Ow My feelings…” Suddenly their voice changes into a British accent before they pull off the mask to reveal-

“Tom?”

“I guess you don’t have a spidey sense darling?” The photographer captures the moment without warning eating the moment up. 

You laugh at that. 

“I guess you found out my true identity Spider. And it’s nice to officially meet you, Tom.”

He laughs, just as nervous as you, he notices he has gotten closer to you and a strand of hair loosely is blowing in your face, so naturally, he pushes it behind your ear. Another snap of the camera can be heard. 

“NOW KISS!” a voice belonging to your best friend yells from the side, mid-eating a churro.

You both laugh really hard at that.

The both of you calm down, slowly leaning lost in the moment. The camera snaps again. You both look at the photographer weirded out, and they just shrug.

“Wait can you actually do a flip?” you ask, pulling away, not wanting prying eyes aka the photographer, to pry in your business. 

“I can, though I’d show you later, maybe in the greenroom?”

“That sounds naughty, but, sure.” you joke around. 

He laughs before, you both take off from the area going to grab the photos.

-

After spending most of the day together when you could, you get Tom’s number, before heading back to your hotel room. He texts you as soon as you get back. 

Spider: I had fun today, minus finding our assistants making out.

You: we should ‘snog’ too, it’ll gross them out ;)

You: I had fun too btw. Are you leaving tomorrow?

Spider: lol we should. And yeah an early flight, 6 am to be exact. Hbu?

You: Yeah me too... another day another dollar lol

Spider: ill miss you, Cat.

You: stop talking like we’ll never see each other again lol. As a matter of fact, come to my room, we’re watching a movie!

Spider: alright, I’ll order snacks. 

  You sigh smiling at your phone. You haven’t felt this giddy in a long time.

Your phone pings with a few Instagram notifications.

Tomholland2013 has started following you.

Tomholland2013 has tagged you in a photo.

You open Instagram to find the photo of him “proposing” to you posted.

“Ow, my leg, my- feelings...Welcome to the Universe, Cat.” the photo is captioned. You decide to post, the photo of him dipping you.

“So what do you say, Spider? Wanna help me pull off the Heist of the Heist of the Century?” you caption it, Before getting comfortable to watch a movie. 

What an opportunity ;)

Tags:

@lolooo22 @webmeupspiderdaddy @harryhollandsgirlfriend @spideyspeaches @greenorangevioletgrass @queenofthepouges @sheranatic111 @keithseabrook27