#why does the world have to be so relentless and cruel. to everyone

[caffeineandkerosene]

no food no money no job no family!!!!! just me crying and dissociating like i'm ten years old again <33333

[erwinsvow]

𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐚 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐛𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐠𝐨 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐳𝐲

summary: you're obedient to rafe, and he's starting to realize how much he likes that.

word count: 1.2k

now spinning: cruel world by lana del rey

author's note/warning: rafe does things to you with his gun. this might be dark!rafe which is just.. rafe <3

Rafe gets a thrill when you’re obedient to him without him having to do or say anything at all.

It starts off small. Holding onto your wrist for a second too long. When he does that, you turn around to look at him. Then it becomes a habit, looking back at him for permission to walk away, to leave. He presses a kiss to the top of your head before he lets you go. It’s been so long, so many months and so many kisses, you worry he’s upset with you if you don’t receive it.

He’s conditioned you, in his own little way. Everyone notices it. His father tells him to treat a nice girl like you better. His friends laugh about it when you’re not there. He used to laugh too, but now he doesn’t, and he gives anyone who still mentions it a glare. 

Because this is his new high, and he doesn’t have to chase it, doesn’t have to pay for it. You’re devoted to him, and it’s getting worse and worse. He begins to wonder how far you’ll go, how much you’ll stretch the boundaries of right and wrong for him. 

He’d promised to leave you out of it, out of everything that’s going on, but his own curiosity got the best of him.

You’re lying in his bed, half-asleep and completely fucked out the first time he asks you. Sometimes he’s a totally different person with you, soft and gentle, and sometimes he’s more like himself. 

“If someone wanted to hurt me,” he starts, chin resting on the top of your head and hand tucked safely with yours, “what would you do?” 

“Hm?” you moan sleepily against his chest. You’re out of it, he knows because he’s the reason why, but he really wants an answer. Rafe gives your cheek a little slap, demeaning, the way he knows you like. Your eyes jump open.

“You heard me, kid. What would you do?”

“I-” you start, and then stop. You’re thinking about what to say. He doesn’t interrupt, because he knows you're using your little brain to figure out what answer he wants to hear. 

“Hm?” he repeats, mocking. You don’t notice.

“I would do whatever it took to make sure you were okay,” you say, pressing your hand flat against his chest, right over his heart. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

The next time is a few months later. You’re still clueless, maybe a little less than before, but if you know something, you don’t admit it. He’s been testy with you, he knows, but you’re relentless in your mission to make sure the two of you are okay—that he’s still okay.

He’s pacing in his bedroom, running a hand over his buzzed hair, while you sit on his bed with your legs hanging off, watching silently. If you’re thinking anything, you don’t say it. His gun rests against his back, tucked into the waistband.

For a second his shirt lifts, and you stare at the black metal with big eyes. He catches you looking and you shift your gaze in a second, without him saying a word. So obedient, even when you’re scared.

“Rafey?” you ask quietly. “What’s going on?” He turns in an instant, squatting down before your legs, hands gripping your knees.

“What’s going on? What’s going on is that it’s happening. Remember when I asked you what you’d do if someone tried to hurt me? Remember?” and you nod fervently. “Well it’s happening now, kid.”

“Someone’s trying to hurt you?”

“Everyone’s trying to hurt me.”

“Not me, Rafe, not me,” and you sit up straighter, pressing your hands against his arms and holding on tightly. “I would never hurt you.”

“I know that, baby, I know. But I have to protect you, protect us both.” You know how Rafe gets sometimes. He worries too much, you’ve finally decided upon, that was it. The reason he was like this, he just worried too much, about protecting you and doing right by his family, his father. He had too much going on, too much responsibility for one person. That was your way of justifying everything. Your boyfriend didn’t do anything wrong, he never did.

“You will. I know you will, you always do, you always protect me.” There’s your obedience again, clicking in and telling him everything he wants to hear. The best part is that he knows you mean it. 

“That’s right, kid. I do.” He takes the gun from behind his shirt, brandishing it before you. If you’re scared, you don’t react at all. You look at him with your big, wet eyes and your thudding heart like you’d do anything if he asked. Pick up the gun and shoot someone yourself if he wanted. It makes his dick hard just thinking about it. “I have to use this, sometimes, to do it. To make sure no one can hurt you. That’s just how it is.” 

You move gingerly, clasping your hand around his and the gun, eyes locked on his own the whole time.

“I know. I know you’re doing it for the right reasons.” The two of you stay silent like that for another few moments, before your quiet voice fills the space again. “Rafe, no matter what you did, I would never blame you.” Your head shakes a little like you don’t understand what you’re saying. “I would never leave you. I would never hurt you.”

“I have to use it, baby, I don’t have a choice. Y’know these people, they don’t listen, no one, you have to show them you’re serious, and this, this is how serious I am.”

“I know,” you repeat, eyes fluttering between the gun and Rafe, back and forth. 

You’re looking at him like this because you like how he’s talking. The serious, scary way he means every word he’s saying, that he would kill to protect you, hurt someone else to make sure you’re okay. It doesn’t make you scared, it makes you fall deeper in love. Someone willing to risk everything for you. You want to prove that you would do anything for him too.

“I knew you’d understand,” he says, eyes fixed on the way you’re running your tongue over your lips, biting the button while you stare at his fingers wrapped around the grip. 

He’s a little surprised, but still, not quite fazed, when you end up squirming in his arms not even ten minutes later. Your skirt pulled up and panties kicked aside, your pretty new shirt ripped down the middle to free your tits in the easiest way possible. 

Rafe has one hand squeezing your tits and the other balancing the gun, holding it in place while he fucks it in and out of your cunt. He knew you were obedient, but even this is beyond his imagination. When you finally come, the wetness from your cunt shining on the black of his handpiece, he makes a show of licking it off. 

You’re his now in every way, even if you ever change your mind. You know you won’t.

[parlerenfleurs]

In the notes of the previous post I've reblogged I saw a discussion about why Ringo isn't considered (by the fandom) as a romantic interest for Mizu despite treating her better than all the other men in her life, and how this is tied to fatphobia. Also the fact that the fat character is often the comic-relief and the fact that if he is indeed intended as platonic why make him the only fat (="unattractive") man among the three (others being Taigen and Mikio) that can or have been considered love interests for her?

And that's really interesting because indeed, I never considered Ringo a potential love-interest for Mizu... And so I have to wonder if it's because he's fat. But I also never saw him as a comic-relief character, and I want to expand on why first.

He is indeed funny, and brings levity. But it's not "comic-relief", it's "positivity-relief", in my eyes. I don't feel like we're supposed to take him unseriously at all. Characters take him unseriously, sure, because of his social class, his disability, his seemingly naïve and weak character (never his size, in any case).

But the story shows, and Mizu comes to know, that he's anything but weak and naïve. We know right from the start that he's endured a terrible childhood and life up until meeting Mizu. He doesn't have hands, his father is abusive both physically and psychologically. The way the flesh-trader mistreats him in the first episode isn't anything unusual to Ringo. Everyone despises him and feels free to exert force against him. Taigen in his arrogance, deigns offer him a menial job in his household with the condescension reserved for a nobody who is also a child, or mentally a child.

Ringo was forged at this cruel relentless fire and what came out is a formidable strength. It doesn't manifest itself as obviously as Mizu's but it's, in my opinion, superior, and also extremely great and loveable. Ringo is neither naïve nor stupid. He knows when he's being beaten and condescended to. He's like that because, in spite of everything, he wants to see beauty in everything, and enjoy the good things in life, and he chooses to be kind. He CHOOSES to be kind. With an unbreakable, fluid, infinitely bending strength.

I am not well-versed enough in Japanese culture to make a meaningful comment about this, probably, but my personal reading of Ringo is that he might be a Buddha figure. East of India, the Buddha is fat. The Buddha smiles serenely, even in adversity, because he's reached a state of zen. His ego isn't touched by insults and beatings. Of course Ringo prefers to be treated well, like anyone else! That's why he follows Mizu around! She's an outcast and "deformed" like him, but she's also able to hold her own against physical violence, against the tyrants of the world, and that obviously appeals to him.

He kills, he has sex, he likes good food, he's obviously not detached from the world at all. But still, like a Buddha, his sense of self cannot be shaken by outside mockery or hostility. He's incredibly persistent once he has a goal, but he doesn't bother affirming himself to others for the sake of ego. He's the polar opposite of Taigen in that respect. Taigen's background has made him desperate for outside sources of strength - admiration, prestige, money, social standing...

On the other hand Ringo is really similar to Mizu, a thing he sees immediately but she does not. Hers is an inner unbreakable strength, too. The same fluid, adaptable, water-like strength. Can't break water. It will shape itself around you and your obstacles without ever losing its nature.

But contrary to Ringo, Mizu feels all the pain, the slights, the shame, the self-hatred. Ringo is pure love, or water, not poisoned by betrayal. Perhaps, or even probably, he has been betrayed but he hasn't let it poison his love, his water nature.

Even when Mizu betrays his love (respect, admiration, regard), he's no pushover, he lets her know that he won't stand for it, but still he rescues her because... despite everything his love is still pure. His love is the agape kind. He loves life, he obviously loves himself. There is no shame or shrinking of the self in him. No shame of his body, among other things. He's the only one in the main cast who doesn't wear a mask. What you see is what you get, and it's only people's own preconceptions that blind them to his depth and merit.

On the subject of fatness, I'm not sure he's even really... considered fat, in-universe? Or not negatively so, in any case. When Akemi has to serve her first client, HE is called fat by the characters. Fat enough to crush someone, and to hinder his own libido - the fatness of being extremely rich and eating too much rich food while being extremely idle. This one has the prostitutes reluctant, and his fatness is viewed in a negative light. Ringo has a very pleasant and cordial interaction with the two prostitutes who service him, and sure we're not privy to their thoughts on the matter, but I bet they found him cute, polite, not troublesome at all to service, and I feel like his size wasn't even a question that was posed. We see him naked, running around, carrying things, and being extremely active. His is a common build, sturdy, not a hindrance to his libido, his health, his self-image, or anything. What I mean is, he's not presented to us in a negative way on account of his fatness, and isn't viewed negatively for it in-universe.

All of this to say, I might indeed be blind to his potential as a love interest to Mizu, but I'm not sure it just has to do with the fact he's fat? It might be! I don't know. The first thing I think about on why I don't ship them is they show no romantic or sexual interest in each other that I see. Except, perhaps, that it might be significant that she's the one to arrange his first sexual experience and that it's the framework he has when seeing her naked. But as his attitude remains strictly the same and he shows no change in the kind of interest he has for her, it didn't feel significant to me. I might be wrong, I don't know. But again, Taigen is the opposite: he might be bi, but let's say he isn't, or at least isn't aware of it (I would be sad if he's not but it would better serve the parallel if he's straight) - the guy shows unmistakable chemistry with, and attraction to Mizu without even knowing she's got peaches underneath it all. (I love that he feels attraction to her at the precise moment where she's her playful self again: wrestling, battling and winning, while laughing and having fun... everything that Mikio couldn't handle is the very thing Taigen feels attracted to, aaah so good.)

When I think about it, the loyal, protective role Ringo has, where he saves her physically and emotionally, cares for her, protects her secret, admires her for who she is as a whole, his place as the person who sees the most of her without rejecting a single part of it, should indeed make me feral....

But if he's the opposite to Taigen in so many ways, he might be in this too, in that he has no attraction to Mizu, and they've no such chemistry between them. It's also so lovely as a platonic relationship! For once it is! He's her apprentice, after all, and she takes on the Swordfather role for him as Swordfather did for her (she even used the same persistent-as-hell-I-will-stay-look-I'm-useful method as Ringo did on her - when I say they're so similar...). She used to make noise to signal things to Swordfather and she makes Ringo make noise so that she can keep track of him, too. It's very cute! He uses her kitchen knives and she makes him start to fight with that just like she started to forge by forging them. To me, they're firmly in this master-apprentice dynamic. And friends.

I've said repeatedly that he's not naïve but actually in some ways he is, and that's what Mizu needs more of. She needs to reconnect with that younger, less hurt version of herself. And Ringo helps her with it, because she does ask for his help, does recognise she needs it (healing!) when she asks him to write on her back. He literally has her back. He's his own character, his own person, but they mirror each other a lot, and in some ways he's her master too. A master in gentleness.

Oh. I've said that Ringo's love/water is pure, but that it HAS been touched by the poison that affects Mizu: he's a better sword, has a better strength because he let the impurity be a part of him, didn't push it away or let it consume and change him. No wonder she must learn from him/needs his help to forge her new sword.

IF the story started signaling attraction between them, I don't think it would occur to me that Ringo is fat or anything (or it wouldn't have before, now I'll pay attention to that). It didn't occur to me when he was with the prostitutes, I was only thinking about the fact he has no hands, but the prostitutes shrugged it off with grace, and it made me happy.

[chewing-drywall]

METALOCALYPSE HEADCANNONS

(Part 1/??)

Buckle in yall this will be a long ass post

TOKI WARTOOTH

Earlyklok! Toki

-the most sincerely homophobic in the beginning. You don't just get raised the way he's been and not have some WILD ass beliefs about the world, he eventually unlearns it but being surrounded by dude bros who constantly call things gay as an insult and his tendency to take things litterally DONT help. And it's not like active hate or anything it's just getting raised that gay people are sinners and are gonna burn in hell is definitely a topic you gotta make an effort to unlearn.

-seeing two girls kissing on the streets of florida for the first time??? SHOCKED, litterally did a full head swivel to check if anyone else had seen it and imploded when no one seemed to be as surprised at he was

-Doesnt really even understand why the rest of the band likes casual sex so much, it feels good but at first he thought it was strange there were all of these girl fawning over a him, a technical stranger, and he just goes along with it.

- got his ears pierced about 4 months into earlyklok sitting on the ledge of their shared apartments crusty bathtub

they were all packed into the tiny bathroom, talking over eachother, the room thick with weed smoke, skwisgaar perched over him in the bathtub holding his head straight

pickles did it with a safety pin and an icecube, joint hanging off his lips as he squinted in concentration

Toki didn't flinch, didn't even stop talking to Nathan about the newest Cannibal corpse album that Nathan wanted to buy a cd of

He liked the feeling of skwisgaars hands engulfing his face, it was a touch that wasn't cruel. Plus knowing that the best guitarist he's ever heard in his whole life hands were soft was a fact that he's gonna ingrain into his head.

Murderface and Nathan actually looked mildly concerned at tokis complete lack of reaction

- the kid will offhandedly say really cryptic shit, through broken English and weird reactions to what they think is normal stuff. the band gets the gist that they'd have to be a hell of a lot drunker to handle his truth (toki: oh don't worry I'm used to the dark! :), everyone else:👀)

-got a lip piercing but didn't take care of it properly, so of course it got infected and had to be taken out

-this is when he starts age regressing but doesn't realize he's doing it,

-he'd watch a kids cartoon in complete silence until the season ends and it's the only way to keep him completely still and quiet

-is attracted to bright and colorful things even if it gets him made fun off by the guys, secretly LOVES Lisa frank art

Regular adult toki

-AUTISM AUTISM AUTISM

HATES tables that aren't clean, when it's noticeably sticky or there's crumbs that stick to his arms when he leans on the table

-same with the feeling of spilt beer, has gotten used to it over the years but the feeling of dried sticky beer still has his skin crawling

-has drunken bong water as a dare (all of them have as some point but still)

-has also smoked weed through his nose (again on a dare)!

-if you look really close into his eyes, his eyes go so light blue it looks pale yellow

-very very kind and pretty eyes, the downwards slope of them make him look sad with a neutral face

-LONG AND THICK EYELASHES

-works out mostly regularly to keep his shape, he gets too energetic for the others to handle so it's a good way to blow off some steam

-Likes the idea of wearing feminine stuff, skirts seem sooooo comfortable but doesn't wear them cause yknow the teasing would be absolutely relentless

-medium thickness chewed on lips, does it mindlessly

-knows hes capable of incredible violence, the band is also very aware and whenever he gets legitimately pissed off during a argument (like a genuine, seriously bad argument) they'll usually just back off and wait to bring it up later when toki doesn't look like he's three seconds away from curbstomping them

-FAT crush on Nathan but for some reason gets really shy around it??

-Nathan will compliment him and toki will deadass write with a fluffy pink huge glittery pink pen in an equally pink journal kicking his legs and giggling

*Nathan told me when I got that chord I kept fucking up correct that he could *see me improving* EEEEE he's soooo big He could throw me Like a football

-fond of murderface, knows people deal with their own shit in diffrent ways so he doesn't take his insults to heart (usually)

-relationship with skiwsgaar is. Weird.

I'll probably get into it on another post but it's SO complicated like. Were both emotionally constipated around eachother, our relationship used to be so kind and gentle skiwsgaar was tokis mentor and wanted to see him grow but has such anxeity around toki surpassing him he purposely beats him down; and toki doesn't have the work ethic or drive to truly get to thay level and it impedes the progress of the band. But engages with this weird rivalry thats also a form of love and respect like. Your the only one I could ever be worried about being better than me and I've watched you grow so much and I don't know how to express that properly YADDA YADDA YADDA

-loves pickles very much, he was the most welcoming in the beginning and always made a space for him at the table, later on a shoulder to cry on.

[peachshadows]

Gosh I’m so sorry this is so long! I debated on posting this since I don’t want to add on to your AUs but it’s been on my mind all day!

In your New empress au I kinda see wukong as Henry the 8th a bit barbaric comparison, but wukong just mows thru wives/empresses like crazy. None last longer than a century which is short in Celestial time. Not even Azure lion lasts long which is a shock to everyone, but since Azure was a good advisor/friend before hand, wukong just divorces/banishes him to a chunk of land for him to live on (a choice wukong will regret later 👀)

As an add on (and why I debated all day on posting this) but the reason why macaque wasn’t made an empress from the start was because he died ages ago when he and wukong were still young. Their childhood/young adult life was mostly sweet. He and wukong cared deeply for one another, they took care of each other, they fought rather well together in battles, and helped take care of the cubs on the mountain they were practically attached at the hip. Thou unfortunately they weren’t always together and during one of the many attacks mount huaguo suffered from in the beginning of its history macaque died.

So how does he become the new empress, he gets reborn (I’m not sure if that’s correct word, he kinda just dies and wakes up) but he gets reborn as the six eared macaque the fourth celestial primate and keeping with his moon theme he gets reborn in the moon he still has memories of his past thou it’s vague and since the moon is chang’e court it’s the reason why no one has heard or seen macaque since chang’e is an intensely private goddess she does eventually brings him to one of the many grand events the celestial realm has and the instant wukong and macaque lock eyes it’s game over to whoever wukong is currently married too. Wukong knows this is his macaque his magic signature is almost exactly the same and after confirming with his golden vision that this isn’t some cruel trick wukong is relentless in his pursuit for macaques hand taking his courting very seriously, brutally killing off any potential rivals he may have.

They do eventually marry not sure how long that would take, but it does cause a silent uproar amongst the nobles across the celestial realm the typical he’s a no name, with no real power or sway so why did the emperor even chose them, I am clearly better type attitude. Which leads to sabotage or at least they try too.

OOOOO ANON UR MAKING ME BRAINROT FOR THIS AU

Just imagining shadowpeach being childhood sweethearts then Macaque dies which causes Wukong to spiral into grief and find solace in another person's arms.

Eons pass by and Wukong is now the ruler of heaven and has amassed a large harem, but Macaque just got reincarnated in chang'e's court after going through the cycle of life. However, the instant Wukong and Macaque lock eyes, Wukong is taken over by a strong sense of yearning and grief and want. There's nothing in this world that will stop him from having his moonlight back in his arms.

[inhonoredglory]

another character based question - how do you feel about mikasa? a lot of fans dont like her, im curious about how you feel! - armin anon

Hellooooo Armin Anon. OMG it’s been forever since I had the time to sit down and do a proper meta, and I apologize.

First off, I finished the manga!!! (So, spoilers ahead for anyone else reading this.) I had to lie down after reading 139. It’s a tremendous story and I’m still taking it all in. The set pieces and personal/emotional stakes of everything that happens is just astounding. If it’s one thing Isayama does good, it’s the gut-wrenching personal anguish that underlies the action. I’m absolutely floored. My favorite bit was probably the timey-wimey stuff in Paths and Eren. That blew my freaking mind. But onto Mikasa!!

A Cruel Yet Beautiful World

I remember way back when I started the anime that I started liking Mikasa first out of the group. I liked how sullenly silent and no-nonsense she was, and I liked her loyalty to Eren. Her emotion, especially when Eren died in Trost, was palpable and terrifyingly beautiful. Her grief was incredibly realistic––rushing off with a death wish that even she couldn’t succumb to in the end, because of the drive to fight that she got from Eren. In a world like SNK, her relentlessness breaking through her grief was incredibly moving. And her philosophy is basically the driving theme of SNK: “This is a cruel world, and yet so beautiful.”

This is the same moral message she gives Eren when he can’t find the strength in him to fight Annie––and gives him that warm, understanding, inscrutable smile that allows him to finally accept his own monsters, fight Annie, and save her and Armin. (One of my favorite panels of her from the manga, actually.) Mikasa is basically the first character we meet who embodies this contradictory morality, which grows to engulf SNK and other characters as well (Levi, Reiner, and Armin especially come to mind). Which could be why I was drawn to her at the start, since the complex moral outlook of SNK was the primary reason I fell hard for this story.

(And gosh, it’s tragic to realize that it’s teaching moments like the scene above that made Eren into the person who could influence his own child self to murder, the person who could wipe out so much of humanity, the person who could take Ymir’s challenge to free her by destroying the love of the person who cared the most about him. I’m still processing yo.)

Acker-parallels

I started really analyzing Mikasa when I had to defend her from a friend of mine who accused her of resenting Levi (for beating up Eren) and that’s why she attacked him so violently in the RTS serumbowl. Because of my research into rebutting that, a lot of my affection for Mikasa now comes in seeing the little ways in which she cares and trusts other people, including Armin, Levi, Gabi, and Jean. And her quiet sensibility that goes beyond her love and protectiveness of Eren.

With Levi in particular, I find a lot I like about her. Because you can definitely see her annoyance at him, but she also trusts him more than anyone else in the Corps outside of Armin. After Levi’s violent encounter with Historia, she was the only one who implicitly trusted Levi’s judgement, backing up Armin’s more reasoned logic. She sees beyond her own emotions and even moral feelings and realizes the world is cruel enough that sometimes people have to do dark things to help others and survive.

This is very much the same statement Levi made to the 104th when he had asked them to follow Erwin’s orders when the commander’s plans were questionable on the surface: “Do you trust him? Those dumb enough to say yes… come with me.” These two understand each other on a moral level, and they ask for their comrades’ loyalty without demanding it, because they each know that everyone’s conscience is their own.

There’s a clear parallel between Mikasa and Levi, not only because of their Ackerman heritage and sensibilities (loyal to a fault to their chosen person, impossibly strong, quiet and grim), but their frustration when they cannot protect the people they are responsible for. They both know they are the strongest around, and if they cannot fulfill on that power, a lot of people will die.

There are many moments in which Mikasa puts aside her personal feelings to do her soldierly duty, from leaving Eren to help with the evacuation of Trost to leaving Eren and Armin to fight the Colossal Titan alone in Shigonshina.

And then there’s the fact that Levi’s the one who could break past Mikasa’s headspace and distraction so that she can do the right thing. He understands her strong emotion, he respects it, but he also knows when that has to be put aside for the greater good. But he doesn’t put her down for having those emotions, either.

Strength from Eren, Humanity from Armin

Mikasa’s love and loyalty to Eren challenges her tremendously after the timeskip and her sorrow at Eren’s change is what really stands out to me about her character in the Marley arc. The absolute grief in her eyes when she tells Eren what he’s done is devastating, and it shows just how much goodness and compassion she does have.

And yet she longs to understand Eren, to trust him, to believe there can be something redeeming, and not merely jaded and tired, in what he taught her so many years ago––to fight, to win, to live.

There’s such a difference between these same words said here by Mikasa, so many years later, after so much heartbreak, to the anger and flame that were in them when she first heard them, back when she realized that this was the way of the world. That death and killing happens in the natural world everyday and that’s how you survive. That the world is both cruel and beautiful.

And yet as the years wore on, as Mikasa grew closer to others, found purpose in protecting others, sought a life with Eren… as she wandered further into the forest of life and society and relationships, she lost some of that simple injunction... to live is to fight, to fight is to win. She, like so many of the 104th and the others on this journey, found that it’s not enough to just fight and live and be satisfied. We really want it all to mean something, to have our actions be redemptive. To allow ourselves to believe that we do what we’re doing because we’re not just saving ourselves, but saving others, “saving the world” like Yelena points out (in the forest therapy session pfff). And it’s that drive for something bigger in our actions that grieves her so much with Eren, because as she wants her own actions to be fundamentally good and selfless, she wants his actions to be moral as well.

So while Eren is the person that frustrates Mikasa and motivates her to become stronger and braver than she ever was, Armin is the person who humanizes Mikasa and allows her the space to be gentle and vulnerable. She comforts Armin, confides in him, puts her faith in him, and puts her life in his hands.

She trusts Armin with Eren, and she values Armin’s intellect and compassion, qualities she doesn’t have in nearly as much quantities as he does: “There are only so many lives I can value. And… I decided who those people were six years ago. So... you shouldn’t try to ask for my pity. Because right now, I don’t have time to spare or room in my heart.”

This bit from her confrontation with Ymir and Historia was a defining moment for me with Mikasa. It’s honest and realistic in a way that few of us care to admit about ourselves, and it’s just super chilling and badass coming from her, too. It also shows how much she fights for Armin and Eren both. They are the two people she loves the most in the world, and she never gave up on saving either of them––from death or from themselves.

I’m looking back on Trost now and finding so much irony with the ending to SNK. In Trost, she was the one to give up on Eren, telling Armin that it was hopeless to try to extract Eren’s personality from his Titan form. And yet, like in the end, it’s always been between Armin and Mikasa to try to salvage Eren’s humanity. In Trost, Armin tells Mikasa to leave––to go do what she’s good at (saving lives)––and to entrust Eren to him.

It’s a huge expression of both Mikasa’s trust in Armin, and her belief in Armin’s abilities and friendship for Eren. And in the end, it’s the two of them again debating on if there’s any humanity left in Eren. The bond they share is intimate and deep. With all the military doubting Eren and scheming to take away his Titan (with even Jean and Connie unavailable to them emotionally), it’s only Armin and Mikasa against the world––the only two people who can truly consider Eren’s actions and hold off on judging him. And you can feel their love for him even as they doubt him.

And like back then, it has always been Armin who understands Eren most, the one who recognizes his own evil and Eren’s and finds a redemption in having others stop you, because you cannot stop yourself.

And that’s the thing I really take away from SNK and from Mikasa’s journey, that we all have devils inside us, and yet there is still beauty to be found, within us and in the world––from the natural wonders that Armin dreams of, to the comfort of purpose and companionship that Mikasa has in Eren. Love and wonder is what redeems us of our devils. And yet love itself is complicated, and can turn ugly in its obsession. That giving up that love is what makes the love selfless and beautiful, what absolves us of the selfishness within us. That’s what Mikasa learned. And in the end, she was able to release that love for the good of the world.

So I guess to sum up, I really love Mikasa. I can see why her dogged loyalty to Eren might annoy some fans, but I think there’s a lot more to her than simply that, and in fact, her journey and growth is heart-rending and one of the most symbolic arcs of SNK and fundamental to its entire theme. She’s a badass with a lot of emotion and depth behind her cold mask.

[emmyhem]

always (l.r.h)

a/n: hi everyone! this is a lil angsty piece i wanted to get up. i just want to say again how sorry i am for not getting anything up for the past two weeks, i’ve just been overwhelmed with some stuff for my classes, but i am starting to get back in the swing of things now. also, this is unedited as i was rushing to get it up in time. i do plan on posting something else tomorrow night and hopefully i’ll be posting pretty consistently from now on. also this does end kind of abruptly but i wanted to leave it like that because i’m a sucker for angst, with that being said i would be happy to write a part two if that’s something you’d be interested in. anyway, feedback and comments are appreciated as always and i hope you’re all having an amazing day/night. enjoy! - emmy <33

pairing: luke hemmings x fem!reader 

summary: luke recounts his mistake and hopes he can patch things up with his always. 

warnings:  very brief mention of sex, cursing, mentions of alcohol, luke’s being an asshole, mention of pinching (idk), slight insecurity from the reader, lots of angst :( 

word count: 2.6k

Luke had always hated the quiet. That’s when his thoughts were the loudest. That must be why he had never really liked being alone with himself. 

Tonight in particular, his thoughts were practically screaming, one word over and over again. 

“Y/n”

For the past two years that name had acted as his most favorite word, one that he would utter whenever he had gotten the chance. Whether it be to brag about your recent accomplishments to his friends, to catch your attention from another room, or falling from his lips with a sigh of pleasure as he reached completion with you laying breathlessly beneath him. 

Now the word seemed torturous, the last time he uttered it replaying on a relentless loop in his head. 

It was your 2nd anniversary. Dinner had been laid out on the table for an hour. Two glasses of wine sat untouched in front of a vase of roses you had picked out at the florist earlier that morning, and there was no sign of Luke. 

You were wracking through your brain as you watched a petal fall from a rose and land lightly in one of the glasses. 

Had you gotten the time wrong? 

But you were sure that the two of you had agreed on 8:00 for dinner, that way you had time to get everything ready after getting home from work, and Luke wouldn’t have to rush to leave the studio. 

Yet somehow you found yourself staring at the now cold dinner at 9:30, with absolutely no word from Luke. You wanted to call, if for no other reason than to check he was still alive and breathing, but your nerves stopped you from doing that, not wanting to take on the role of the overbearing girlfriend. 

Your stomach growled hungrily over the light music that was playing through the house speakers. So, begrudgingly you took a bite of the pasta on your plate before downing your entire glass of wine. 

Luke arrived home about 2 hours later, a bouquet of your favorite flowers in hand. He caught sight of the table, with one setting completely untouched as he hung up his coat, causing guilt to pang in his chest. 

“Baby,” he called out, carrying himself to your shared bedroom.

When no response came his heart rate sped up in fear that you had left. 

“Y/n” he called, louder this time with a sense of urgency clear in his voice.  

That’s when he spotted a person sized lump underneath the duvet. Releasing a sigh of relief he moved towards you, peeling the blankets off and leaving a soft kiss on your shoulder. 

This caused you to stir a bit, eyes fluttering open to meet him. 

“Hi, my love.” he cooed. 

A frown was prominent on your face, and a crease separated your eyebrows as they furrowed angrily. 

“I’m sorry I’m late. We got a bit carried away in the studio, but in good news the album is coming along great. M’so excited for you to hear it” 

You had always tried to be understanding of Luke’s job for many reasons. One being that you both reaped the benefit of his success, you wanted for essentially nothing, had a nice house, the opportunity to travel, and Luke often spoiled you with gifts even if you asked him not to. Another being how happy it made your boyfriend. Music truly was his passion, and he was so talented that you wouldn’t want for him to ever put his work on the back burner for you. 

With that being said, you made a point to take time off to spend time with him whenever you were able to. You had even changed jobs because your last one hadn’t allowed you to go on tour with him, which he had been adamant about, insisting, “There’s no way I can be away from you for that long.” 

And you were happy to do all of those things, because you were in love, and  you felt incredibly lucky to even be a part of his world. But you did start to question things as your relationship went on. It felt like Luke didn’t even consider your job. He only saw it as something that took you away from him. 

You had worked hard to get where you were in the occupational field. Without your job all you would have to do is sit around and wait for Luke to be ready for you, and you just couldn’t live like that. 

Luke turned on the lamp on your nightstand as you slowly sat up in bed. 

“2 weeks Luke, we’ve had these plans for two weeks.” 

“I know baby I tried, but you know how it is when inspiration strikes.” he dismissed while sitting the flowers on the ground. 

“No, I don’t. Do you not think that I have things I could be doing for work? Cause I do, and I choose this over all of that.” you huffed in frustration. 

Luke took a deep breath while subtly rolling his eyes. 

“Y/n, I’m sorry for missing dinner, but you don’t understand the pressure I’m under, from the fans, the label, management, and the band.” 

“I know that you work hard and I know how important this is to you, and I’m so proud of you, but I’m proud of us too and I would’ve liked to have a night for just us.” you tried to explain. “Not to mention the fact that I’m under pressure in my job too and I always find time for you, no matter what.” 

“Yea, you have pressure from a job that you don’t need.” his voice rising in anger with each word as he paced around the room. 

“How many times do I have to tell you Luke? It’s my job, it’s a part of my life and I don’t plan on giving it up anytime soon.” you shouted. 

“Great.” he replied sarcastically. “Then you should understand that I won’t give up my job anytime soon.” 

“I’m not asking you to, I’m just asking for a bit of consideration, and just a sliver of your time.” 

“I’m working to make us more money.” he stated.

“Luke, we don’t need any more money. You should be working because you enjoy it and because it’s your passion.”

He let out a condescending laugh before turning to look in your eyes. 

“Yea, well you don’t seem to mind all the money when you're sitting at home in the house that I bought, and leeching off of my bank account on the daily. D’ya think you could afford all the shit you have just based on your salary?” he spat crudely. 

You physically leaned back as if the words had just actually been thrown at you. They must’ve, because the pain they caused felt far too real to just be emotional. You opened your mouth to fight back, to scream, to do something but the lump in your throat prevented anything to come out other than a sad, and pathetic squeak. 

Was that what he thought about you? 

This had caught you completely off guard. Sure, you were expecting an argument, you’d even say you were expecting a big one, but you would’ve never guessed he would throw this in your face. 

You felt betrayed. It had always made you insecure that you were making such little money compared to your boyfriend. 

Some days after receiving your paycheck you would go out and spend it all on Luke, solely because you wanted to know that you could contribute too. You would do that whenever you got the chance, to reassure that your work was important, and valid. And mainly to show Luke that you appreciated all he did for you. 

He would always reply, “You don’t have to do this, love. I like spoiling my girl.” 

Yeah right. 

“I wasn’t, I m-mean I don’t try to lee-,” you paused, the word feeling too gross to repeat back. 

“Well, you do whether you're trying or not so the least you can do is give me a break occasionally.” he spoke casually, while changing into sweats as if he wasn’t ripping you apart with every word. 

You kept a blank stare at the bedroom door, your eyes already stinging with unshed tears. You wished you could be angrier but his words left you questioning and feeling guilty. 

As hard as you’d tried to provide for yourself and make your own way you couldn’t help but wonder if you had subconsciously started leaning on him, more than you had ever wanted. 

Luke continued getting ready for bed, not taking a second look at you since hitting you with his harsh words. 

“I-I’m sorry.” you croaked. 

“It’s fine, Y/n I just wish you could’ve been slightly more understanding.” he continued, still not facing you. 

“I think that maybe, I mean, um I gotta go.” you were speaking through tears, as you abruptly stood from the bed and hurried to leave the room. 

This caught Luke’s attention causing him to spin in your direction at lightning speed, finally taking in your emotional state.

“Going? Going where? I-what are you talking about?” 

You didn’t reply, grabbing your keys, bag, and shoes as you continued to speed to the front door. 

“Y/n!” he continued, following closely behind you. 

You paused at the front door and turned to meet his eyes. His stressed appearance subsided as you allowed him the opportunity to talk. 

“You’re upset.” he concluded, reaching a hand out to hold your cheek.

You leaned away from his touch and shook your head lightly, “M’not.” 

His features softened and he took another step closer to you, “You are. I’m sorry, I was harsh.” 

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” 

“Didn’t know?” 

“I don’t want t-to leech” you stuttered out. 

This rendered Luke speechless, realizing how cruel his words had been. You had taken this as an opportunity to exit the house, quickly running to your car. Luke made it to the driveway just in time to see you drive away. 

“Fuck” he snapped, jogging back towards the house to get his phone and call you in hopes of convincing you to come back. 

After calling you at least 20 times with no response he conceded and decided he should try and get some sleep, that way he was rested enough to get you to forgive him in the morning. 

His body fell naturally to his side of the bed, but his eyes lingered on where you typically laid. 

Rolling onto his back, eyes finding the ceiling he muttered to himself, “I’m an idiot.” 

Eventually he was tiring out, the bedroom ceiling growing extremely boring after staring for so long. He turned on his side to hug your pillow to his chest. As his hand slid under the pillow it came into contact with an envelope that had been hidden underneath. 

He sat up and flicked on a lamp to read the front, “To my Lu” 

He could tell that you had taken your time penciling on your words, each letter was flawless and written delicately. Before ripping it open he hesitated, questioning whether or not he even deserved to see what was inside after the way he spoke to you. The selfish part of his brain won for the second time that night. 

The first thing he saw after opening was two airline tickets situated just in front of a folded piece of notebook paper. 

He held his breath as he brought them into the light, two roundtrip business tickets to Sydney. 

He rushed to read the note you had left with them, unfolding it quickly. 

“Lu, 

Happy two years, my love. I can’t believe I’ve been lucky enough to call you mine for this long. Not a day goes by where I’m not in complete and utter awe of you and everything you do for me. I know how hard you work and how much you miss home and your family while you continue to grow in your music, and in yourself everyday. I know these aren’t the best tickets you’ve ever had by any means or the most extravagant vacation you’ve taken, but I wanted to show you how much I love you and how much I know you deserve, and need a break. We have 2 weeks, we leave tomorrow. I’ve worked it all out with the guys and your label. I know this is just a small way to repay you for the way you’ve taken care of me and the way you’ve loved me so selflessly for so long but I hope it shows you just a sliver of how much I love you. 

Yours always, 

               Y/n” 

He traced the letters of your name repeatedly as he blinked back a few stinging tears, before falling asleep, the note clutched tightly to his chest. 

That was a week, and about 100 missed calls ago.

About two days after you left, your friend had called to let him know that you were safe and staying with her for the time being. It had slightly lessened his worry, but the guilt he felt grew exponentially each day he had no reason to say your name.

He had claimed your side of the bed as his own in hopes that it would bring you closer to him. When he had finally dragged himself out of bed to shower he used your body wash and as embarrassing as it sounds nearly cried when the room was flooded with the familiar rose scented steam. And tonight while scouring through the liquor cabinet and feeling completely sorry for himself he had come across a bottle of tequila that you had purchased on your most recent vacation. 

Luke had put a serious dent in it by the time he was done scrolling through all of his pictures of you, and his finger began to itch with the need to call you. 

Through blurry and clouded eyes he located your contact, a breath hitching in his throat when he clicked the call button. 

With each unanswered ring he pinched his wrist, willing himself to wake up and discover this was all just some horrible nightmare, that he would just roll over and see you curled up next to him, warm, and sweet, and perfect. So fucking perfect. 

“You’ve reached y/n. Sorry I can’t get to the phone, leave a message and I’ll get back to you. Thanks” 

But it’s not his nightmare that got him here, it’s his mistake. 

“Y/n,” he croaked, his voice hoarse and scratchy as he hasn’t used it much in the past couple of days. 

“I don’t know what to do anymore, I miss you and I’m sorry. I-” his heart was pounding and his intoxication numbed him from the feeling of  the hot tears that streamed down his face as he continued. “M’selfish baby. I’m so selfish and I was talking out of my ass that night, of course you’re not leeching. That’s fucking ridiculous, you couldn’t be, I give you nothing compared to what you give me. I just don’t know how to admit I’m wrong and the money is bullshit, it doesn’t matter, we could both live without it.”  his chest felt tight as he took a large gulp of air. “I-I can’t live without you, really I don’t think I can. I need you and I love you. I love you so much. Just please come home to me, please baby. I need you with me, and I want to fucking give you the world and I know you don’t need me to give it to you. I want to. I just-I want to give you everything, anything. You can have it all. It’s yours. I’m yours, alwa-”  his pleads were cut off by the dial tone. 

“Always.” he repeated, staring at the black screen. 

pt. 2

[astarlightmonbebe]

“it’s the only thing i learned. give and take. there’s nothing that i got for free,” perfectly encapsulates the essence of yeo joon. yeo joon hasn’t ever experienced healthy or good relationships. his family is physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive. it’s left him insecure, deeply traumatized, and isolated, and insofar, yeo joon’s trajectory through at a distance, spring is green has reflected the brunt of that trauma and how it has influenced and warped him. he doesn’t know what a healthy relationship is. healthy relationships are something he has seen, but due to never experiencing it himself, he has no idea how to actually build a healthy relationship and how to interact with people in a ‘normal’ way. this is why all of yeo joon’s relationships are superficial, why he only builds relationships through manipulation and spending money. his whole life, he’s been attempting to replicate what healthy relationships are, but because he hasn’t ever experienced them for himself, he uses the same tactics he’s grown up with to to try and build good relationships, which of course further results in none of his surrounding relationships being good, real, or healthy. 

this is why sobin and soohyun are so important to his character growth and development. with sobin, joon genuinely likes her, but he doesn’t have any experience with having romantic feelings for her. sobin is a person he doesn’t necessarily know how to navigate, which is why he uses his more manipulative tactics to try and trap her. it’s why he makes sure to set it up so that she’ll come to him and end things with chanki; because chanki is, of course, a threat to him, and for someone like joon, who’s never been chosen first, who is literally second to his family and has grown up as such (when he’s acknowledged at all), chanki is a threat to something he wants. does he know his actions are manipulative? yes. but he also believes his intentions are good (while also knowing he’s being selfish), because he understands where sobin stands, and he wants to do to her what he’s unable to do with his own family, which is cut off an unhealthy relationship to her. of course, while he’s right about the fact that chanki isn’t necessarily a good or exemplary friend, chanki is not his family. this further represents the tendency yeo joon has to project his own familial relationships onto everyone else around him, such as when he sees soohyun and his younger brother. it’s why he’s so scared when he’s finally honest, because he wants sobin to stick around, he wants her to like him, but no one has ever actually liked him before.

with soohyun, it’s a bit of a different story. soohyun is more representative of what yeo joon is used to; not necessarily give and take, but something similar, like he states at the end of episode four: he’s good at being clingy, at holding on, and soohyun is good at pushing away. that’s a familiar rhythm to yeo joon, which he can navigate with more ease than he can his own relationship with sobin. unlike everyone around him, soohyun doesn’t like yeo joon on a surface level, and he can’t be swayed by manipulation or money. he sees straight through yeo joon, though that doesn’t exactly equate to him seeing yeo joon, or even that he meant to get right to yeo joon’s core, to peeling back his mask. he just knows yeo joon isn’t the image he projects to the world. soohyun, like sobin, gives yeo joon honesty, even when blunt. they both aren’t afraid to say what they mean or state is as it is, even though sobin isn’t as blunt as soohyun - she still gathers up her courage and confronts people when it comes down to it. soohyun, too, puts up his own mask, his own front, which is what makes their dialogue so emotionally tense, because they both are somewhat cruel to each other, but not exactly; their words and exchanges are barbed and they are both relentless people. as seen in the recent episode, yeo joon has also obviously latched onto the idea that soohyun could sort of be the brother he never had, especially after seeing him interact his own brother. he seeks tenderness, a different sort than from sobin, or a girlfriend, but something familially and friendly, something secure. i could go on and on about their dynamic, but i’ll cut it short.

anyways, if anyone wants to come and talk about aadsig, please hmu <3

[mrvdocks]

Under the Skin

Summary: Reader is a celebrity Kurt looks up to and chauffers for a bit before everything goes downhill. 

(requested by anon) gif credit to the lovely yocalio (x)

Word Count: 2K+

Warnings: smut, roughness

He outruns the police when they turn their back on him for a second. He runs as fast as his shaky feet can take him, wrists cuffed together. There’s a ringing in his ear that muffles the sounds of rubber shoes against the pavement and the officers behind him. He laughs maniacally, they wouldn’t be able to put a damper on his plan. Not yet.

He wanted to look good for when he met up with Jessie later, but he knew better than to lead the police where they expected him. That’s why he had to go somewhere they wouldn’t expect him to go. Your place. 

He estimates he’s been running on adrenaline and on the streets of Alhambra for about five minutes, but when you’re close enough, he ducks behind a building and slows down. He shuts off the stream momentarily, it’s better to keep them in the dark.

He knocks on your door rapidly, scanning the area for any signs of nosy neighbors or people passing by. He hears you rushing to the door and once it swings open, he meets your faltering face. It switches to panic, eyes wide, and paranoid sweeping looks to the outside. 

“What have you done, Kurt?” You step back, hand gripping the knob. 

You’ve been following his spree up until now, only realizing the gravity and danger of what he’s done when he shows up bloody and beat up on your doorstep. You’re about to ask how he found your address but figure with everything he’s done, him committing some privacy violation is not the worst to worry about.

He strains against the cuffs, wincing when he can’t fit his wrist through. “We can catch up later, I just need your help.” He pushes past you, rushing into your kitchen to find anything that could either saw or fit into the hole to free himself.

Feeling rightfully worried, you lock the doors and shut the blinds. You are cautious when you get close to him, he’s operating on another mindset.

“Kurt.” You try to get his attention. He opens drawers and cabinets frantically, coming up empty. He raids your bathroom and rummages through drawers, trying out bobby pins and clips.

“Kurt.” You repeat firmly. His manic searching stops for a second. Even with his back to you, you can hear his breathing is ragged, his broad shoulders moving up and down to get steady. 

You put a hand on his shoulder warily, turning him to inspect the damage. He’s got cuts on his face and a bad lip. No doubt the results of him crashing the car. His face scrunches at the sudden light of your phone shining on his face. 

“What’s gotten into you, Kurt?” You cry in disbelief. 

This couldn’t have been the one who spent the whole week basically chauffeuring you, could it?

“You’re not like this - this isn’t you.” 

“And what is like me? Who do you think I am?” His figure towered over you now, establishing some sort of dominance over you. 

You can’t completely answer that now. You’ve seen a side of him that snapped. One that was done playing the fool to the once King Bobby. 

“Kurt, you can fix this. We can make this go away.” 

“I can’t.” He closes his eyes in slight annoyance. “Not when I’m just getting started.” 

“I can’t let you keep doing this.” Your voice wavers, betraying the brave front you were trying to put on. “We’ll get you help, it’s going to be fine.” 

You stray from his plan, dialing the emergency line as quickly as you can but he snatches the phone from your hands and throws it away from you. The sudden roughness makes you recoil. Kurt takes a hold of you by your shoulders, pushing you back until you hit the wall with a grunt. Gone was the boyish and awkward Kurt who was gentle with you. 

“Yeah? You wanna film and post that too?” 

The accusation is a slap to the face. In the small window of time you two knew each other you grew comfortable with him, not even thinking of using him for what he definitely would use you for. It would propel him, sure, but it wouldn’t give him the image he wanted to curate.

“Pretty ballsy move,” he mocks your pluck. “But I can’t let you do that.” 

The cold of the cuffs against your flush skin makes you shiver as you feel the adrenaline in you pick up. How blind were you really to his dark desires?

His gaze is intense, eyes darker than the dimly lit corner of your home he’d pushed you against. 

“Do it then,” You pant. Your eyes staring back into the abyss of his own in awe and then onto his bleeding lip. “Finish this.” 

He smirks. “I’m not going to kill you. You’re no good to me dead. I need you.” 

“Kurt,” You try to give reason a try again. “This isn’t what you want.”

“This isn’t what I want? Or is this not what you want?” He counters.

This should’ve been a bad idea. He shouldn’t have gone to you if he knew you were going to react like this. But you were his idea of safe, even if it was something he just didn’t want to be anymore. He wanted risks. He wanted to take the world by storm, to be seen as some kind of twisted hero for those like him. After all, he’d taken most of the brunt of it for it to fail now.

Kurt being a threat was definitely something you would have laughed at before. He couldn’t even kill the spider in the car that one time. Him being rough wasn’t without reason, you’d seen it before with other passengers that harassed you. Hell, you’d even liked it in the bedroom. But this was different.

“You don’t know what I want.” You grit.

His brows raised. “You don’t want out of this? The cycle of bullshit they keep making you do? Your ideas shot down and forced to do degrading shit?”

He wasn’t wrong. Though the fame came at a price, it wasn’t even you or your personality people were really seeing. Everything was controlled by someone else. You were the puppet. 

He must’ve known you were mulling it over, a sly smirk on his lips becoming prominent in the little light there was illuminating him.

“What do you want?” 

Kurt chuckles to himself, “I’m not asking you to do the dirty work. Just don’t call the cops when I do it.”

“Is this you admitting you need a partner?” 

He’s always liked power. The exposure and influence and the legacy that others before him had. You had that, even if you didn’t like it, and it only made him more attracted to you. You could be a power couple if you agreed. 

He chuckles. “I’m saying you have that urge in you too, somewhere. You just have to trust me to help you find it.”

You laugh ironically. “Trust you? You’d sell me out. Anything to boost your views.”

He shakes his head. “Like I said, I need you. Besides, I think you’d like to be free.”

“You mean be like you.” You writhe under him, trying to get free.

“I’m not here to hurt you,” he pauses, remembering he had you pinned against a wall. “Not any more than I already have. I’m here to get you on my side.”

If you agreed with him, then great, things would go on without a hitch. But if you didn’t, things would get difficult and he really liked you too much.

Your breath hitched when his fingers came down to your chin and tilted your head back. 

You should be running for the hills. Calling the police. Screaming for someone to help. But oddly enough, none of the red flags before remained. This cat and mouse game somehow made you feel sought after, even with the undertone of him using you just for his personal gain. 

There was a warmth between you two, tension in the dimly lit corner. He’s dangerously close, his hips pushing against yours in a way that makes the feeling in your lower body ache for him. 

“Did you mean it when you said you were willing to make a sex tape?” 

His face softens in amusement. “It all depends on how the night goes.” 

“So you would’ve fucked Daisy’s brains out?”

He eyes you, studying you, noticing the shift in tone in the room.

His shackled hands come down in between your bodies, one hand gripping your hip and the other settling on the danger zone; above your crotch. 

“Yeah maybe I would’ve,” he surmises, taunting you. “I could’ve had her screaming my name for everyone to hear.” 

He traces over your body, reaching every dimple, dip, and the sensitive area he could get his eager fingers on. He’s memorizing your body in the dark, keen on staying true to his word. 

“She would’ve disappointed you.” 

He pauses his movements, lips coming close to your ears. “Maybe. But I’m sure you could do better.” 

His voice is low, it makes you imagine just how he could use that teasing mouth between your legs, the vibrations that would send shock waves all throughout your body. You gasp when he slips his hands into your pants, fingers ribbing you up and down and making your knees buckle. 

The small moment of dizziness is good enough for him to use his foot to kick your ankle to the side, allowing him more access for him to slide his fingers in. The height difference between you two proved helpful as you let your head fall against his, bucking your hips against his relentless pumping. He revels in this, taking the opportunity to glance at you and flash that shit-eating grin. 

Your breathing quickens and sharpens with each pump of his fingers, him adding a second and then a third. The introduction of more in you forces you to shut your eyes and squeeze his bicep in both pain and pleasure.

The coil in your core keeps bubbling, knowing if he kept it up you would be done for. Then he does it, he curls his fingers and his thumb plays with your pearl making you cry out and clutch him closer. 

He hums, “You always looked good like this, so vulnerable and desperate.”

“Oh fuck you.” You moan in light pleasure, feeling the coil only tighten more.

“We can make that happen.” He goads you, his pace in you getting faster to the point where you can’t bear the thought of standing anymore. 

You press your legs together, desperately trying to get more than what he’s giving. If you had it your way you would’ve already ridden him to get rid of the friction. But he’s nothing if not cruel.

Your chest heaves in rapid breaths, head falling back against the wall in quiet euphoria. You’re almost there and he can tell. Just as you bring your leg up he stops and removes his fingers, prompting you to mewl at the loss of his fingers in you.

“C’mon, didn’t think I was going to let you off that easy now, did you?”

You pounce on him, taking him by surprise as he topples backward onto the couch. You make quick work of his stolen and bloody pants, lifting his hips up and out of his briefs. You almost literally tear through your pants and discard them somewhere behind him and shove your panties to the side to ride him. 

You tease him a bit at first, hovering over him and lining him up but not fully sitting all the way. It’s his turn to buck his hips. 

Confidence looked great on you, he thought.

You impale yourself on him, gripping his shirt in fistfuls as you wait to adjust to his size. His head dips back into the cushion at the feeling of filling you up and settles his hands on your hips. You move agonizingly slow, in languid strides before changing into circles. He makes a pass to squeeze your ass but you move his arms above his head, keeping a grip on them. 

Kurt closes his eyes in ecstasy, your moans and whines are music to his ears as you basically fucked yourself against him. 

He brings his upper body up to take a hold of your hair from behind and takes your lips into his, tongue pushing into your mouth. Yours fights his, eventually letting him lick at your neck and kiss at the sensitive area all the way to your jaw. He thrusts upward roughly, forcing you to clutch onto him in a semi hug. He slides in and out of you with ease, the sound of skin against skin and smell of sex permeating the air. He grits his teeth and brings his forehead to connect with yours, slick with sweat. 

“Look at me,” He grunts, hand coming to grasp your chin to force you to face him. You can’t look at him in the eye, still lost in the sensation of him hitting the right spots. With his right hand coming in between your bodies, he flicks and teases at your pearl sending shock waves through your body. “You don’t cum until I tell you to.” 

He pulls out of you, making you huff in annoyance but compliant. He flips you over, pushes you down onto the arm of the couch for you to lie on. His clothed chest is flush against your back, bringing your lower body against his stiff cock. You inhale sharply as he slides back in, thrusting hard enough to make the fabric of the couch mark you. 

He grabs your hair and pulls you back, still delivering devastating thrusts from behind while attacking your neck with slobbering kisses and grasping your throat firmly. The pleasure of it all made you cry, feeling your lower belly pool with warmth as you gripped him. 

Finally, his thumb grazes you in the center of your core again and rubs in small circles, before using the index of his fingers to finish you off. He’s hitting you in all the right spots, rendering you completely babbling and incoherent. He kneads your breasts with his other hand, pinching your nipples to get a rise out of you. 

You feel like you’re seeing spots when his thrusts stop being hard and fast and instead wane. With an arch of your back, he groans as he feels himself twitch in you.

You come down from your high, vision hazy but feeling blissful and fulfilled. He pulls out of you and turns you over again, bringing your head to level with his pumping hand. You open your mouth hungrily, letting him spill himself. 

It runs down your chin but you nonetheless swallow with ease.

“Good girl.” He chimes, grinning from ear to ear. 

You collapse back onto the couch, panting and trying to come back to reality. He rests next to you, giving your thigh a squeeze, satisfied. 

“Partners?” He asks, arm under his head as if he hadn’t just fucked you into oblivion a minute ago.

If this is what came with being partners, you would’ve been an idiot to decline.

“Partners.” 

[script-nef]

I come for the interaction and the food | Miya Osamu

Category: crack, fluff

2k words; pseudo-reddit thread of Onigiri Miya

The owner of Onigiri Miya

Yo dudes. So my friend was raving about the onigiri shop for ages, and she was so damn relentless that I gave in. And I like onigiri in the first place, especially negitoro, so I went (is this TMI?). Anyway I was like???? So damn shook when I went in because the owner is like???? Damn??? He's so hot and I am simping for him, and the female population in the shop was as well like hearts were flying out of their eyes. I'm going to go there every day and ugh I know it’s cheesy and cliché but I hope he notices me or something like that DON’T JUDGE I’M LONELY OKAY??

Comments [Anon]: I KNOW RIGHT LIKE EVERYONE IS IN LOVE WITH HIM AND HIS ONIGIRI UGH FOOD FOR THE EYES AS WELL AS THE STOMACH

[Anon]: Y’all are simping for a real person and I just have to say: LMAO ME TOO UGH HE’S JUST REALLY HOT AND PATIENT AND HIS VOICE IS SO NICE  

[Anon]: YASSS HE REALLY IS AND HE ALWAYS COMES UP WITH NEW MENUS AND LETS SOME OF US TRY SAMPLES BUT IT’S ALWAYS. AMAZING. HE’S AN ONIGIRI GOD, I TELL YOU.

→ Continue thread

[Anon]: Um, OP? I don't know how to tell you this but… He has a girlfriend… like a really cute girlfriend who he’s been dating for years now.

[Anon]: Say what?

[Anon]: Hey what. What. I didn’t know this. I’ve been visiting his shop for like 3 months and I didn’t know this. What. 

[OP]: Oh. Great. My romance has died even before it started. ;^;

[Anon]: Well you can join us obsessing over their relationship! She visits a lot and they’re cute all the damn time so frequent customers made a small online group to share episodes. 

→ Continue thread

I just saw Hime and wow, damn

So I went to OM today—because wow it’s so delicious please open a second shop MyaSamu—and my eyes were blessed because WHO DID I SEE?? YEP, IT WAS HIME. 

Like y’all know how he calls her Hime as a nickname, which is so [censored] cute, and SHE LIVES UP TO THE NAME. There’s like, a graceful aura around her and it’s sort of blinding? As soon as you see her, it’s like “Ah, yep. That’s her. No one else can be called Hime other than her.” 

AND SHE GOT SO FLUSTERED WHEN I CALLED HER HIME BY ACCIDENT!! It just literally slipped out because I’m a [censored] idiot like that and she turned so red! And started hitting MyaSamu out of embarrassment! But her hits didn’t even look that painful and he was smiling so happily. My eyes were blessed that day.

Comments [Anon]: Oh my god you’re so lucky, I want to see him smile… I mean, he does, but apparently he smiles differently when he’s with Hime and I know that if I see that, my day will instantly become better.

[Anon]: Oh dude, you are not wrong. He somehow becomes more radiant. Just. How?

[Anon]: Imagine being that cute and beautiful together. What a power couple.

[Anon]: You know what happened once? I was really down while I was eating there because I got a bad grade, and she came over to talk to me!! Because apparently I looked way too sad and she was worried about me! UGH I’M FALLING FOR YOU HOW ARE YOU THIS KIND?! ARE YOU AN ACTUAL ANGEL?

[Anon]: This just confirmed, Hime was never human. She is the epitome of angelic grace here to save us and MyaSamu is so blessed for being with her.

Y’all are weird as [censored], why do you do this [censored]

Why are you guys obsessing over real people like that? I would be creeped out if I knew anyone does this, you guys are invading their privacy. Get a life and stop being so damn disturbing.

Comments [Anon]: ??? He knows about this. He literally checks up on this site a couple of times per week. He explicitly said to many customers “Thanks for liking me and my girlfriend so much. You guys are funny.” The [censored] are you on?

[Anon]: I asked Hime once before and she said it’s fine as well unless we’re stalking them or some [censored] like that. And we don’t. We’re just exchanging stories on our interactions with them inside the shop and how cute they are. He said it actually helps with his revenues and sales. 

[Anon]: Literally. They’re just really cute. Like you look at them and boom, you have diabetes, no exceptions.

[Anon]: I think he said like half of his new customers came after seeing this thread, so back off

Ignore that person, GUESS WHO I SAW

Y’all might be thinking Hime, and yes, I did see her as well. BUT I ALSO SAW ATSUMU! He was hanging with Hime and teasing her so much. Then MyaSamu got annoyed and they nearly brawled there lmao perfect representation of siblings.

Hime tried to stop them and when they kept on fighting, she slapped them both on the back and shouted for them to cool it. MyaSamu I guessed since they’re going out, but she tamed Atsumu. Atsumu. My heart thumped because she was so awesome. Like, you’re cool, kind, sweet, amazingly pretty and on top of that, badass as well? Lady, you should be designated as a national treasure.

Comments [Anon]: Bruh. I live super close to OM. I go there practically every week. I’ve filled out the coupon like, 5 times. I’ve never met Hime once. AND YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT YOU SAW HIME AS WELL AS ATSUMU???? WHY HAVE THE GODS FORSAKEN ME??

[Anon]: How cool was she? I can’t imagine Atsumu folding to anyone that’s not his parents.

[Anon]: I feel like he would be rude to his own parents tho lol

[Anon]: True true

[OP]: She was like, the epitome of cool. Based on the sound of the slap I would have been rolling on the floor while crying in pain but they kind of seem used to it or something? She just glowered at them and they immediately shut up. I wonder if she was like that when they started dating as well.

[Anon]: I find it funny that everyone is focusing on Hime while Miya Atsumu, division 1 volleyball player and one of the members of Japan’s national team, is right there.

[Anon]: Atsumu pales in comparison to Hime. This is a fact.

[Samu]: True

[Anon]: ??? The [censored]? Are my eyes working? Is that… actually Osamu? As in like, the Osamu that we’re talking about? Like the owner of OM?

[Samu]: Yes

[Anon]: Okay then bye I’m never coming here ever again. Goodbye y’all and watch me die haha [censored]

Friend of Samu and “Hime”

I can’t really believe this actually exists but it’s really funny and kinda cringey to see everyone fawn over Osamu and “Hime” like this. I've been their friend since high school and let me give you a fact: “Hime”’s nickname during her time in school was Janus like the two faced God. Because she’s really nice all the time but once she gets angry, it’s over for everyone. Everyone. 

So what do y’all do here, just share stories?

Comments [Anon]: Holy [censored] what. What. CAN YOU TELL US ABOUT THEM?? WHAT WERE THEY LIKE IN SCHOOL? WERE THEY STILL CUTE AND SWEET LIKE THE BEST BRAND OF CHOCOLATE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD????

[Anon]: YEAH LIKE WHITE CHOCOLATE

[Anon]: I’m sorry, but if you think white “chocolate” is good then please keep that [censored] to yourself because that [censored] embarrassing.

[Anon]: White chocolate is good!

[Anon]: You’re an embarrassment to humankind.

→ Continue thread

[Anon]: As the person on the above thread has said, could you share little stories of how they were like in school? If they’re fine with it?

[OP]: Hmm… well I’ll ask first. 

I got the permission

Hm, I don’t really know what to say about their relationship though. I was friends with them for a long while but it wasn’t really surprising when they started dating. Osamu’s liked her for years. I heard they were childhood friends and were stuck at the hip with Atsumu as well, but she was closer to Osamu. Though that’s kind of a given, what with Atsumu’s [censored] personality.

She was one of the school council members and really popular as well. Always eager to help people, has a smile on her face and a complete disaster. She’s so damn clumsy and uncoordinated that I once saw her trip on air. On air. How. She’s terrible at cooking as well, like apocalyptic level. She somehow managed to burn rice in home economics class even with three other people keeping an eye on her. It was actually pretty impressive.

Anyway, Osamu was absolutely smitten with her and everyone with eyes or common sense could see it. Except for… you guessed it, her. He would literally be tripping over himself to help her and we were all like “boy, please be more subtle you are killing us”. Especially Atsumu since he had to deal with that even at home because they’re neighbours. I once took a photo of him making the most disgusted and annoyed face, but it got deleted when I changed my phone. An international loss.

Where was I going with this? Oh right, how they went out. I gotta go to sleep so I’ll post that later.

Comments [Anon]: ???? YOU’RE GOING TO LEAVE US HANGING LIKE THAT??? HOW ARE YOU SO CRUEL THIS ISN’T FAIR I CAN’T GO TO SLEEP BECAUSE I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

[Anon]: EXCUSE ME ARE YOU SKILLED IN TORTURE BECAUSE I AM LITERALLY DYING YOU CAN’T JUST BOUNCE AFTER TELLING US THAT. COME BACK!!!!

[Anon]: Dudes I have a good idea. Let’s spam them with comments.

[Anon]: Oh ho, smart, smart. 

[Anon]: Dude

[Anon]: Dude

[Anon]: Dude

[Anon]: Dude

[Anon]: Dude

[Anon]: Dude

[Anon]: Dude

[Anon]: Dude

LOAD MORE

Damn you guys are persistent

Chill, I need my sleep as well. 

Alright, this was a while ago so some facts might be inaccurate. Also she forbade anyone from commenting on it during school. It’s fine now though, and thankfully I was sitting next to them when it happened.

So Osamu always brings bentos and makes hers as well. He used to make them for Atsumu as well (unwillingly but had to since he complained about it so much) but stopped after like, the second time because they got into a fight. I think the reason was that Atsumu was whining too much about how he doesn’t like some of the side-dishes and Osamu snapped. That was a fun day.

We were eating in the classroom and enjoying our lunch when she blurted out something like “Osamu, you’re so good at cooking! You’d be a great chef. Your wife would want to let you cook for the entire time you’re together!” Which was fine because everyone knows he’s good at cooking. I think that’s what you guys call a gap moe or something, I dunno.

And Osamu just stared at her. You know what moment when you just feel something bad is going to happen? Like that chill in your back? Yeah, it was that. I sensed that from Osamu. Atsumu probably got it as well because our eyes locked and the red alarm of “STOP HIM” flashed in front of both our eyes.

But before we could interrupt, Osamu just smiled and said “I can cook for you like that if you want.” And I [censored] you not, everyone went quiet. We were staring at him like “??? Did you just propose before even asking her out on a date?” And her face, oh god I didn’t know her face could be that red or that her eyes could be so big. She was literally frozen while trying to eat like the rest of us watching them.

When she stayed frozen, it was like there was an error message saying “[Name].exe has stopped working. What the [censored] did you do.” above her head. Osamu eventually moved and dragged her out of the classroom. And they didn’t come back until the bell rang for the next class.

I don’t know what happened during the talk, but I guess he finally confessed because they were holding hands when they came back. 

Anyway, yeah. That’s the story of how they went out. I have to sleep again so bye.

Comments [Anon]: WHAT THE [censored]

[zevlors-tail]

Depressed and touch starved Shigaraki crushing hard on y/n, a new recruit for the league/liberation front. He wants to be in a relationship with her, but is afraid of her turning to dust by his own hands. Little does he know, she feels the same way.

Warnings: Jealous Shiggy, bit of OOC/Yandere Toga? Knives, brief mention of villains/heroes fighting, heavy pining, tiny argument between Shig and the reader.

Ever since the day he laid eyes on you, Shigaraki had it bad. You had only joined the League of Villains a couple months ago, but within that short time span, you had completely captivated his heart. Maybe it was your quick thinking, or your reserved personality, or maybe the way your eyes seem to sparkle with mischief when he talked to you about future plans for the League. Whatever it was, it drew him in further every time he looked at you, brought out feelings in him that he hadn’t felt in a very, very long time; feelings that both scared and excited him to the point where he wasn’t sure whether to pursue something with you or run away.

At first, he chose the latter. A week in to getting to know you and he was terrified that he had feelings for you, so he pulled away in every aspect imaginable. He ignored you during missions, talked to you as little as possible, and barely even looked your way. You were lucky if he even passed by you in the halls of the hideout. He spent most of his time pent up in his room muttering and trying to scheme, although any plans he attempted to make were ultimately thwarted by thoughts of you. It didn’t help that even with the forced distance between the two of you and his giving you the cold shoulder, you were ever the friendly and kind person you made yourself out to be. You still tried to talk to him on the occasions he passed by you, still tried to get to know him without judgement or bias. Ignoring you completely just seemed to make the situation worse for him, so he finally had to face his newfound feelings and accept that yes, he, Shigaraki, had a crush on the new recruit for the League.

But with the acknowledgement of those feelings came another realization: as much as he cared about you, he could potentially hurt you with his quirk. Even if you returned the feelings, further disaster could ensue because of his existence, and that fact stung like no other. All he wanted- no, all he needed -was you. Your touch, your laugh, your whole essence...there was no part of you he didn’t like. He spent nights dreaming of your soft lips, of embracing you from behind and pressing kisses to the top of your head, of loving you without worry and limitations, and yet, he couldn’t have you. The world was continuously cruel to him still, relentless and ever inventive in the ways it found to torture his soul. You, on the other hand...you were the only good thing he had to hold on to in this desolate place.

As Tomura paced the wooden floors of the bar, he brought a hand to his neck, the familiar itching sensation driving him to scratch the same spot over and over again. He hated that damn habit of his, though truthfully he didn’t think he could stop. It kept him sane, gave him something to focus on other than the murky anxiety he felt welling up inside of him. He was like this whenever you were gone, but more so today than ever; he couldn’t stand knowing you weren’t here in his line of sight, that you weren’t under his protecting and watchful eye. Currently, you were on recon with Dabi and Toga, and he had a sinking feeling that something was wrong. His gut lurched whenever he thought about you, and he wouldn’t be satisfied until you were back at the bar in your usual seat, your familiar smile spread over your lips as you sipped on your favorite drink.

“Kurogiri. Any word from them?” This was the second time he had asked about you and the other two LOV members today. His patience was running out now, and he just wanted you back.

“They’re due back at any time, now. I’m sure they’re alri-”

As if fate wanted to prove the bartender wrong, the door to the hideout blew open mid sentence, and Dabi stumbled in with your unconscious form slumped over his shoulders, Toga hot on his heals behind.

“What happened?” Tomura growled out, immediately making his way toward you.

“Recon gone wrong, that’s what,” Dabi quipped. “We got spotted by some heroes on accident, not our fault. Y/N fended them off but she overused her quirk, and they almost got her.”

“Don’t worry, I sliced them up real nice! They were no match against my pretty knives...” Toga trailed off, a murderous glint in her eyes as she brandished a clean knife to look at herself in it’s reflection. “And I saved Y/N. I made sure to teach them not to touch what’s ours, Tomura! No one can have Y/N but us!” She let out a demented giggle.

Shigaraki wanted to correct her. Not ours, mine, he thought. His possessiveness got the better of him, and one look at Toga’s intense gaze was all he needed for jealousy to take root. He surged forward and seized your form from Dabi, careful not to touch you with all five fingers at once as he held you up. Dabi put up no fight in letting you go, completely understanding the situation and passing you over to his boss.

“Is she hurt?” he asked demandingly, giving you a once over for any obvious signs of distress or wounds. He found none apart from small scrapes and bruises.

“I don’t think so. Just unconscious. Side effect of her quirk, I bet.” His blue eyes stared off into the distance behind you and Tomura, gears spinning in his head as he recalled the fight from earlier. “I’ve never seen her quirk in action like that before. She’s strong, I’ll give her that.”

Of course you were strong, Tomura wanted to say. He knew the basis for your quirk, the basics of how it functioned and how it affected others, but new nothing of the drawbacks of it. This was new to everyone.

“Y/N’s quirk is so cool! Isn’t she just the best, Tomura?” 

Something about Toga’s smile annoyed him and made the itchy burning sensation return to his neck. Before anyone else could say anything, he turned abruptly and started towards your room to lay you down and let you rest.

“Kurogiri,” he called as he was leaving, “I want a full report of the recon mission later, no details spared. Make sure they understand that.”

“Of course,” he replied cooly.

Tomura supported your frame against his shoulders as he trudged down the hallway with you, every step he took careful and measured so as not to disturb you any more than was necessary. His gut feeling had turned out to be right, after all. If he had just gone with you, this wouldn’t have happened. Even better yet, if he had just kept you here with him, then you wouldn’t have been in that situation in the first place. This was his fault, wasn’t it? It was hard to stop his thought process once it was started, and from there it all snowballed. You would never know how he really felt, and even if he was getting to touch you now, even if for a brief moment just to get you to your room, who’s to say something wouldn’t go wrong? What if he accidentally touched you with all five fingers, and you turned to ash right there in the hall, and died in his arms?

His thoughts were becoming too much to handle, even with you right there beside him. He was pathetic. Leader of a revolutionary and important group of misfit villains though he may be, he still wasn’t brazen enough to tell you how he really felt. And as he pushed open the door to your room and gently laid you down on your bed, he decided it was for the best if he just left you be. Even if he wanted to stay, it would do him no good. He gave you one last soft look and sighed heavily before standing. His brows knit together in frustration as he stepped forward, but a light tug on his sleeve kept him from going any further.

“Tomura...?” you mumbled groggily. “What happened?”

His self doubt slowly ebbed away at the sound of your voice, his anguish quieting for a moment as he down on your bed and met your gaze to explain. Who was he trying to fool? He could never just leave his feelings for you be. “You overused your quirk and fell unconscious. Dabi and Toga-” he shuddered involuntarily at her name, “took you back to the bar after fighting off some scum heroes.”

You sat up as he spoke, your head throbbing but otherwise feeling fine. “How did I end up in my room?” you wondered aloud, looking around to take in your surroundings fully.

“I carried you,” he answered matter of factly. 

He couldn’t be completely sure, but he swore a faint blush appeared on your cheeks then.

“Thanks for that.” You smiled kindly at him, warmth radiating from your features and making his face feel oddly hot.

“Oh, sure.” It sounded sarcastic, bitter even. Not how he wanted it to sound. He was getting frustrated again; why did he have to ruin everything he touched, figuratively and literally speaking?

There was a small lull in the conversation, and you unexpectedly reached your hand out for his, resting it on top and caressing his fingers gently in a sudden move of boldness. He recoiled almost instantly, and the next thing you knew he was moving to get up and walk away.

“Tomura, wait-” you tried, desperately wanting his attention. He did pause, but he didn’t turn around, and once again his hand found it’s way to his neck. He really was getting irritated with himself. 

“What?” he snapped, pivoting on his heel to face you.

“I’m sorry, I think I misinterpreted something...I- I didn’t mean to...” you trailed off, the dejected tone in your voice stabbing through his cold heart. “I thought you were-”

His blood ran cold at what he thought you were trying to say. Surely you couldn’t mean... 

“Thought I was what?”

“I thought- No, I think it was just me hoping this whole time, but...I thought maybe you had...feelings...for me. You seemed so concerned a minute ago, and there was that moment where your face- Um, I could see it behind your hair-” You stuttered out your words, embarrassed to admit your feelings that you were now certain he did not reciprocate.

Tomura, on the other hand, wasn’t sure what to say. You had just openly expressed your feelings for him while believing at the same time that he didn’t feel the same for you, and he hated it. He hated it with all the burning fires in the world, with all the passion and drive he had left. And the worst part about it was that it was his fault. He should have told you. He wished he had told you. He could still tell you...but he wouldn’t. Not if it meant endangering your life, not if it meant that he could potentially hurt you. He couldn’t bring himself to say the words.

Lucky for him, you weren’t willing to let this go so easily.

You saw the tortured look on his face, saw the longing in his eyes and the way his fingers twitched, as if he wanted to reach back out to you. With newfound resolve, you stared him down, willing him to break.

“Don’t look at me like that, damn it.” Curse you. Damn you to hell and back. You did things to him that you had no idea about. 

“So you really don’t feel the same?” you pressed, doubt creeping back up your spine. 

Maybe you were wrong after all...

“It’s not that!”

Or maybe not.

“Then what-”

“Don’t you know I could kill you?” The words left his lips before he could stop them. “I could accidentally turn you to dust, Y/N. Doesn’t that scare you? Or are you really that stupid?”

“I know that.” You spoke with conviction, understanding finally dawning on you.

He was afraid to hurt you. That had been his reason for pushing you away, for not talking to you, for trying to ignore his feelings for you. He was scared. And rightfully so, with a quirk like his. The thought had crossed your mind before, but truthfully, it hadn’t really been anything more than a passing thought. Once you really got to know Shigaraki, once you saw him leading his small family, you had put all of your trust and faith into him. He was not to be laughed at or underestimated; he was calculated, thorough, and kept his family together at all costs. Even if Dabi sometimes was unruly, even if Toga creeped him out, even if Kurogiri failed sometimes, they all belonged together, and you were happy to be a part of that. You admired him for everything he had done, everything he was currently doing, and all of the great things he would do in the future. Maybe others couldn’t see it right at the moment...but this man was going to change the world.

“But I believe in you, and I trust you would never do something like that to me, even on accident. I don’t think you give yourself enough credit.”

“Don’t patronize me.”

“I’m not. Your quirk doesn’t scare me. I mean it. And another thing,” you gave him a pointed look. “I’m not stupid,” you spat defiantly. For someone so reserved most of the time, you sure had an iron will. 

Tomura followed you with his eyes as you got up and attempted to walk over to him, but tripped in the process, still a little out of it from the overuse of your quirk. He was quick to catch you before you could hit the ground, and you smiled up at him once more while he just stared back at you, confused.

“What are you grinning like that for, hm?”

“I told you I trusted you. You didn’t turn me to dust, did you?”

“That’s not funny, Y/N.” Although, his words were all bark and no bite. What you had said was true, and it gave him a bit of relief to think that you were right.

He could make this work, after all. And for the first time in a very, very long time, Tomura Shigaraki felt calm. 

He helped you back to bed and sat down with you again, this time planning to stay. And when your hand once again found his, he let you keep it there, enjoying the warm feeling of your touch. 

“I know it’s not. I’m serious. I trust you with every fiber of my being, Tomura. I think I love you.”

He could have sworn his heart stopped, or maybe it was time itself that stopped. Either way, he never wanted this moment to end.

Instead of returning your words with his own, he layed down next to you and draped an arm over you. “You should be resting.”

You had once heard that everyone had different ways of saying ‘I love you’. For some, it was telling you to stay safe when parting. For others, it was asking if you had anything to eat yet. So when he spoke, you recognized the meaning behind Tomura’s words even if he wasn’t saying it outright. 

‘You should be resting.’

I love you, too.

A/N: WOW OKAY THIS GOT LONG. Also, I’m so, so, SO sorry this took so freaking long to finish. I literally sat down tonight and told myself I was going to work on it, and I got hit with inspiration and BAM it happened. Shigaraki is actually not on my list of characters that I write for, but because it was my first request and I wanted a challenge, I made an exception and wrote it. And damn, anon, did you give me one hell of a challenge. Holy FUCK. Idk why this was so hard to crank out before now, but I’m kind of in love with this? I hope you all like it as much as I do!

[bellatrixobsessed1]

From Chin To Yon Rah (Part 25)

The drizzle grows into a hideous storm. Thunder vibrates the framework of the small in.

“We’re lucky that we did all of our trading yesterday.” Min-Ta muses.

“Would have been a hassle in this weather.” Hao-Bai agrees.

Azula keeps to herself, eyes fixed upon the harbor, upon the boats that bob precariously against such aggressively tempestuous waves. And she finds that her mind is wandering again. Wandering to a time when she had insisted that her command held more value than the whims of the tides. In retrospect, she understands why the man was so hesitant to port--steel or wood the waves can tear it to ribbons.

And she finds herself torn between being thankful that she had stayed just a day longer to help the couple and wishing that she were well out into the ocean. The ocean where the waves would pull her under and into darkness. A darkness that is kinder than the sort that she knows. The sort that stirs within her. She thinks that she would rather find herself battered by the waves than by the thoughts in her own mind.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Min-Ta asks as she rubs circles upon her baby bump. “And powerful.”

Azula nods, “storms are...fascinating.”

“You’re a lightningbender, aren’t you?”

She nods.

“You’re a force to reckon with then.” She laughs.

And Azula wishes it were true. Had she been a force to reckon with then she wouldn’t have been reckoned with. She wouldn’t be in this village… “how long do you think it will be before the storm passes?”

The woman shrugs.

“The folks who tend the docks seem to think that it could be a good week before the waters are safe to sail. A seasoned sailor told ‘em that clouds like these mean that it’ll get sunny and then stormy again at the snap of your fingers.”

Azula nods. She supposes that she will have to get used to syrup and the smell of resin. It isn’t such a difficult task; the scents are cozy enough and she is in pleasant company. Comparatively speaking, this inn is akin to her palace. She lays back, rests her hands upon her middle, and closes her eyes. It has been such a long time since she has slept on a real bed. Even if the sheets and pillows are slightly tattered and worn, it is the most comfort she has had in ages.

She lets the relentless batter of the rain lull her to sleep, with any luck, when she wakes, the soreness in her muscles will have alleviated.

.oOo.

There is a duration of sunshine, but she can see concrete clouds on the edge of the horizon. A second onslaught waiting to be unleashed. Despite her apprehensions about the coming storm, she follows Hao-Bai along the gravel path.

“This place is one of my favorites.” He gestures to a ramshackle looking eatery. “It’s where I met Min-Ta.”

Azula furrows her brows, “is this your birth town?”

“Indeed it is. I was here when it was just a handful of small timber houses.”

Azula nods. And how the place must have changed. A few timber houses has become a decently sized village with several inns, restaurants, and shops. She comes to find that the people who live there are a friendly bunch with a sense of community that is hard for her to fathom.

When the storm gives pause they gather at the center of town to exchange stories and meals. To give gifts and make banter. By now she thinks that she should be used to being the only firebender about, and yet she still feels out of place and out of sorts. Everyone here seems to know everyone and she knows no one at all save for Hao-Bai and Min-Ta.

Nobody says it but she can feel it; they don’t want her here. It is her eyes, her golden fiery eyes. There is no place for a firebender in a village like this. She is a match surrounded by firewood and they know it. They regard her like such--with fear based respect.

They offer her meals and lodging not because she is traveling with Hao-Bai and Min-Ta nor because they enjoy the stories she tries to share over meal times but because they regard her as a volatile thing, an explosion waiting to happen and claim everything they adore.

And suddenly she feels as though she hasn’t changed at all. That she is the same woman who left her mark on Omashu and Ba Sing Se. The same woman who swears by and lives for intimidation. They certainly tread around her as though she is.

She knows that it is nothing more than a stereotype, but it stings all the same. Stings when, deep in the back of her mind she doesn’t think that she will ever be rid of who she used to be. Deep in the back of her mind she thinks that she is one more tragedy away from regressing, from letting her heart grow ugly and cruel again. Shielded. Stony.

.oOo.

It is her last night in this village. And it is a gorgeous night. The clouds have finally cleared away. The last roll of thunder had boomed an hour or so ago, she can only see the storm as a series of flashes far off over the open ocean.

And this is where she stays. Alone on the beach, the lively chatter and music feels just as distant as the storm clouds. She props herself up against a decent sized boulder and stares up at the stars. She wonders if the stars can bring her closer to the spirit world, if she could look into them and coax a conversation with her old friends and lovers. With Atsu and Caihong and the child she never got to meet.

She remembers hearing about cosmic energy and its influence on the universe. She wonders if this cosmic energy has arranged itself in a position to specifically antagonize her…

“There you are.” Hao-Bai chuckles. “The wife was getting worried.”

Azula shrugs. “I’m alright.” She isn’t sure if she is lying or not. Sometimes she is alright. Sometimes she is able to put Wujing out of her mind. Sometimes she is able to make herself feel grateful that she had gotten even just a small taste of what it was to have a home and loved ones. Sometimes she is able to shape a new future for herself in her mind.

Tonight isn’t such a night. Tonight she isn’t okay. Tonight she would like nothing more than to run out to the waves and let the tides pull her away…

“Why don’t you join the rest of us?”

“They don’t want me there, Hao-Bai.” She frowns. “They don’t want firebenders around.”

The man is quiet for a while. “You have the wrong impression. They know that  you don't mean any harm, that you’re just passing through.” He pauses again. “The people in this village are...kind to a fault. They don’t want to get attached to someone who is just going to leave them. It hurts too much.”

Azula nods, “in other words, they’re an intelligent people.”

Hao-Bai chuckles, “you have a long journey ahead of you, come back and enjoy a meal and good company while you can. I have a surprise for you.”

A long journey. He doesn’t know the half of it. Or maybe he does, maybe she has given him just enough hints for him to know that she has been on a journey for some time now.

She follows him back to the village to the lively music and the tantalizing scents of kebabs and fruit platters. To the everpresent odor of syrup and resin. Min-Ta greets her with a hug and gestures for her to have a seat near the bonfire.

She must admit that she is impressed by the size of it; she hasn’t seen such a hearty and large blaze since the last Fire Nation festival she’d attended.

“We’re just about to begin story swapping.”  Speaks a man, an elder who she assumes is the host.

She nods, “why don’t you share a little something before you leave?”

Maybe it is because she knows that she won’t be staying long enough for pitting looks or maybe it is that she needs to alleviate some of the pressure. But she shares the story of Wujing’s collapse. The tale of why she can’t stay in the Earth Kingdom any longer.

She thinks that she has well and killed the mood until Min-Ta confesses that this is her third pregnancy. That she fears for it because she had miscarried the first two. And the liveliness dies away for a swapping of tales each as dismal as the next.

And she understands what Hao-Bai had meant by kind to a fault; it is nothing like the Caldera City and nothing like Wu-Jing. These people cry together. These people laugh together. They hurt and rage together. They love and joke together.

And sometimes they do it all in one night.

Hao-Bai hands her a pipa. “I carved it myself, out of the first tree you helped cut down.” He explains. “Play it when you have something that you can’t express with words or when you need something kind to think about.”

By the spirits she could use something kind to think about. She isn’t practiced by any means, but she plays a song. The only one she has ever heard played on a pipa. These people laugh together, cry together. And they make music together.

In a night they had mourned for one another and by its end there was music and jokes. A sense of lightheartedness.

That night she learned that each little town has its own special flavor.

.oOo.

It is almost mesmerising to watch Azula interact with Caihong. The way she cradles the girl against her chest and strokes at her hair. The way that her light voice softens further still when she assures the child that she is safe now.

He is plenty aware of Atsu, plenty aware that she has probably helped tuck the boy in time and time again but until now those were just words on parchment. Just visuals in his mind like a charming fictional tale.

“You live here?” He hears Caihong ask.

“I live here.” Azula confirms.  

She seems to perk up, “yer a palace gardener! Ya didn’t tell me that you was a palace gardener!”

“I’m not…” she trails off. “It’s a hobby, not a job.”

“Then how come you get to live in the palace?”

Azula is quiet for a while. “I’m the princess, Caihong. I’m supposed to live it the palace.”

Caihong tilts her head and then shakes it. “Nope, yer Rikka.”

“My name is actually Azula.”

She shakes her head again. “Nope. Rikka.”

Azula sighs. “I suppose that you can keep calling me Rikka. But other people are going to call me Azula because that’s my name.” She pauses and with a hint of a devious smirk adds, “and you’re going to look ridiculous because no one else here knows that I was ever called Rikka.”

Caihong narrows her eyes, “no, yer ridiculous. And also yer dumb. So there.”  She folds her arms and sticks out her tongue. And yet the child makes no attempts to wiggle her way out of Azula’s grasp. In fact she nuzzles herself closer.

To himself, Sokka quirks a brow. Children are strange little beasts. In one breath they hate you and in the next they’re begging for bedtime stories and lullabies. This child has just been rescued from a slave trade and she is being difficult. And somehow, Azula seems to take it better than he would have.

“If you say so, Caihong.”

“Mmhm, I do say so.”

“What do you want for supper, Caihong? Do you want me to try to make turnip stew how your grandfather did?”

“No one makes it like grandpa!” She declares. “But you can make turnip stew, Rikka.”

“Alright, come on then.” She hoists herself to her feet. .oOo.

Her mind is full to bursting and she thinks that the only thing keeping it from doing so is Sokka tagging along next to her. She has too much to think about. Too much at once. Caihong’s face is a gift and a destroyer in one. She is more than grateful to have the child back, a child she cherished as much as Atsu and Juro. But staring at that face is like staring at the past. At everything she has lost and worked hard to put behind her. Staring at that face is cutting open an old scar that has only just begun to heal.

And so, as she stirs the ladle around the pot, her mind goes back to something else. Another thing that disturbs her but not quite as deeply; she had enjoyed it. She had enjoyed bringing the slave trader to his knees. Enjoyed the taste of battle and victory on her tongue.

Perhaps this wouldn’t trouble her so much if she hadn’t been so sure that she had left that side of her behind. But it is still there. It is always there. It will always be there, waiting to emerge.

She swallows hard, she thought she had changed. She thought that she was better. But she is still angry. Angry and ready for war. She can make all the changes she wants but she will always be ruthless at her core.

And now, combing Caihong’s hair and stirring the stew between brushstrokes feels like an imitation. A mockery of motherhood. It feels false, however genuinely she cares for the girl who kicks her small legs at the air.

She scoops a liberal amount of stew into the bowl and sets it before Caihong, “don’t eat too fast, it’s…”

Caihong shoves the spoon right into her mouth.

“Hot.”

“It’s fine.” Caihong insists through watery eyes.

Azula ruffles her hair. “How about you take it a little slower.”

“I can handle it!” She declares. But she doesn’t pick the spoon up again until the steam stops rolling.

“Thanks Rikka!” She declares between spoonful.

Azula forces a smile, while her stomach drops. Agni, she wishes the girl would stop calling her that. It hurts in such a particular way. “Did I make it like Ojihara did?”

“Mmm mmm, nope! Not even close! But yours tastes good too.” She grins.

Apparently the kid is more resilient than she. Or maybe she thinks that her father and grandfather will be coming back too. It is just one more thing for Azula’s mind to do circles around.

“Well, now that you’re all done I think that it’s time for bed.”

.oOo.

It is twice as disorienting to see Azula tucking the child in. To see that soft smile as the girl giggles and laughs, “this bed is huge!”

“And it’s all yours tonight.”

“Where are you going to sleep?” Sokka asks.

“You have room?”

“No!” Caihong shouts. “Rikka’s gonna stay with me! I don’t wanna be alone.” She tugs at Azula’s sleeve.

“I’m giving you this whole big bed and you’re telling me that you want to share. Since when do you like sharing?”

“Since now!”

“Alright. I’ll stay with you.”

The child is beaming again. This time she throws her arms around Azula. The princess smiles and scoops her onto her lap. Quietly, she reaches behind her and finds the badger-mole. She plops it onto Caihong’s lap.

“Bao!” She yells with delight.

Azula nods, “Bao will keep you company while I get ready for bed.” She looks up. “Sokka is here too but Bao is a lot smarter.”

“Hey!”

She brushes her fingers over his hand as she exits. And he wishes that she hadn’t left him. Now the girl is staring at him with those big bright green eyes and all he can do is manage a toothy and awkward smile that coaxes her to say, “you looks stupid. Are all waterbenders weirdos?”

“I-I’m not a weirdo!” He throws his hands up.

“Mmhm, you are.” She gives a firm nod and then gives Bao a shake. “Bao thinks so too.” She hold up the stuffed animal and in a much lower voice says, “that’s right Caihong, water guy is a weirdo.”

He folds his arms across his chest as the girl continues to have a back and forth with the stuffed animal about how he is a ‘strange and silly man’. He wonders if the girl has always been so blunt.

Azula returns several minutes later barefaced, with her hair in a ponytail, and tucked into a very cozy looking night robe. She sits herself upon the mattres. “Did Sokka behave?”

“I guess.” Caihong grubles.

Azula quirks a brow. “And what about Caihong, did Caihong behave.” She opens her mouth but Azula cuts her off. “Or did Caihong call Sokka a weirdo several times?”

“Caihong didn’t do that! Bao did!”

“Oh? Is that right?”

“Yup, Rikka, it’s right.”

.oOo.

Caihong’s sleep talk serves as a backdrop to the chaos in her mind. To the turbulence that threatens to break forward. Perhaps Sokka has sensed it too because he has made himself comfortable in a chair at the corner of the room.

She rubs her hands over her face. She could have had this. She could have had it  every night with Atsu and Juro. She could have been so happy and so very nearly untroubled.

She could have been a mother leading a perfectly quiet and mundane life. She could have been Rikka. But she is still Azula; life is forcing that much upon her while flashing in her face who she could have become.

And she resents it. She resents life. She resents the person she is.

She rubs her hands over her face, she knows that she shouldn’t resent the person she is. Before, Hajime and Seukhyun had assured her that she is a good person. Sokka reminds her as much now. Deep down she is beginning to struggle to see herself as evil through and through. Deep down she is able to piece together all of those small deeds that seemed to mean so much to people like Min-Ta and Hao-Bai. And deep down she is well aware that she has been defying her upbringing and the monster that life is trying to fashion her back into--the path that it is trying to put her back on.

Deeper down she is still afraid that all of her hurt and pain will come back and bring the worst of her back. Deeper down she is afraid that she won’t be able to stop it. Deeper still she is afraid that the process has already been set in motion.

She is scared.

.oOo.

Sokka wakes late into the night to the sound of music. The charmingly melancholic tune. It has the feeling of watching a warship depart and then return battered and broken. The same energy as a light rain that sets the world a glimmer while ruining a sunny outing.

It is beautiful and broken. Depressive and joyful.

He makes a point of rustling his clothing as he walks so that she doesn’t jerk when he sits upon the mattress and wraps his arms around her middle. In a few final notes, the song dies away.

She puts the pipa aside and leans into him. He wants her to talk, to give him a problem to walk her through but he doesn’t think that she is in the mood for conversation. So he  instead wipes away several silent tears and holds her hand until she finally falls into a much needed sleep. He finds himself toying with her hair until he too is able to drift off.

The pipa melody lingers in his dreams.

[notebook-13]

…Look, I know nobody really cares about Overhaul’s characterization, but I spent enough time puzzling over wtf is his deal while I was watching the anime that I may as well make a post about it. Especially considering how he’s come up in recent chapters in relation to Twice and Hawks, one thing that strikes me about Overhaul is that he wants to be normal, and to accomplish that, he tries to change the world instead of himself.

On the surface, Overhaul’s goal was to establish himself and the Hassaikai as the rulers of the underworld using the anti-quirk serum, thereby repaying the “debt” he owed the Hassaikai boss for giving him a home, but I think there’s more going on.

Overhaul’s goal was to eradicate the belief that human lives have inherent value. He planned to do this by destroying quirks, since he perceived them as the basis of people’s belief that they matter.

Since Overhaul’s dialogue is confusing, here are two other translations of his lines:

“Because people are endowed with these things called ‘quirks,’ they can dream. Dream that maybe they can be someone that matters…they’re all sick in the head! So wipe that smile off your face! Thanks to the power of that girl you were trying to save, everything you’ve worked so hard to cultivate…has just been reduced to naught!” (Ch152, mangastream)

“The diseased…have been given quirks, and that lets them dream. Thinking you can actually become something is an illness of the mind. It’s funny! With the power of that girl you’ve come to save, everything you’ve worked to cultivate…has now gone to waste!” (Ep74, Funimation subs)

Basically, people want to matter, and they use their quirks (symbolizing individuality, and human deviation more broadly) as proof to say they do. So when Mirio loses his quirk, Overhaul’s reaction isn’t, you’re cured, you’ve been purified, you’re normal now. His reaction is, now you are worth nothing, you are a good-for-nothing deku, the illusion of value your life held is gone, everything you held dear was actually a lie.

I think that’s why Overhaul can use his quirk with impunity without seeing the hypocrisy. He essentially views people as infected mice infatuated with their own disease, but he knows better! He knows everyone is worthless! So he’s the only one who’s immune to this mental disease of ~being special~, he doesn’t get any delusions of grandeur, he’s the only one great enough to change the world—etc. When Shigaraki removes his quirk, Overhaul’s illusions are torn away the way he was expecting from Mirio.

But Mirio stands up to Overhaul and asserts that he still chooses to find value in his life without depending on whether he has a quirk. That’s the underlying reason why Overhaul is repulsed by heroism: it’s built on the ideal that people matter, their suffering is bad, they deserve to be saved, and so forth.

These are concepts Overhaul resoundingly rejects, for reasons never explicitly stated, but I think a fair interpretation is to say Overhaul’s noticed that he’s different from other people, and he’s afraid it means there’s something wrong with him. This fear is on par with an existential terror, so he can’t acknowledge it directly, but it drives him to go above and beyond to prove he is a normal person who does belong in the Hassaikai, specifically, and in society more generally.

First, for context:

^^ Regardless of how the yakuza are in reality, in Japanese pop culture their image is two-faced. They can be chivalrous gangsters (honorable criminals who offer shelter to outcasts and uphold the vestiges of samurai culture) or they can be villains (relentless hypocrites who prey on outcasts and commit staggering violence). Even down to the clothes they wear, the boss and Overhaul embody these two yakuza archetypes, and accordingly, they can’t coexist.

At the core of their power struggle is what it means to be a yakuza, and whether Overhaul belongs as one.

This reaches its climax when Overhaul tells the boss about torturing Eri, and the boss tells him it’s time for him to leave the Hassaikai. Overhaul puts the boss in a coma because he can’t bear to be rejected and branded a deviant for his cruelty (“straying from humanity,” “soulless heresy,” “how little do you think of people?”). The boss pretty much outright tells him there’s something wrong with him.

Overhaul never talks about why he thinks so lowly of people. It could be any tragic event in his life, whatever went down before he met the boss, sure, or even just the simple fact that his quirk enables him to disassemble and reassemble people like objects, but I think the answers are in the material Horikoshi emphasizes: in his relationship with the boss, whom Overhaul fixated on as a kid.

The feature that strikes me most in Overhaul’s relationship with the boss is the (lack of) acceptance between them. Overhaul seeks the unconditional acceptance the boss offered him as a child so intensely that I can’t help but think there’s a deeper motive: validation. The “debt” Overhaul feels is an imprecise label for his discomfort; he feels pressured to earn his place in the yakuza because, on some level, he recognizes that he doesn’t belong here among chivalrous gangsters. He consequently overcompensates, though going to such extremes just underscores he is different, but he wants to win the boss’s validation that badly because, without it, Overhaul feels like a freak. He’s afraid that there’s something wrong with him. This emerges most pointedly in his “germophobia.”

Given that he 1) literally breaks into hives and flies into murderous rage when he’s touched, 2) considers heroism and quirks to be a disease, and 3) breaks into hives multiple times purely from the force of his emotions—I think his phobia shouldn’t be taken at face value.

In some way, Overhaul is “allergic” to society. He doesn’t belong in this world, among these cultural values, which is why he seeks to change society.

“return humanity to normal”

^^ Overhaul wants to change the world to match his version of normal, and, remarkably, the fact that he believes it’s more feasible to change the world than to change himself says leagues about how immutable he believes his differentness is. By destroying quirks, Overhaul wants to make everyone the same: worthless. He resents that other people even want to be different because feeling like there’s something wrong with him is his greatest fear.

Shigaraki is Overhaul’s main foil, but…there’s a reason why Twice introduces him.

Twice (narrating): There’s no place for insane guys like me in society. As for the people who heroes like to save…yeah, they’re always the good, virtuous ones. Anyway, I finally accepted me for me and decided to make myself useful to the League of Villains because I wanna be okay with being me. What I’m searching for now is other people just as crazy as I am. The aimless wackos looking for a place to belong… [Overhaul debuts, complaining that he’s surrounded by sickness] Twice: (staring at Overhaul) But now those nutjobs are starting to carve out a place for themselves in this world. Twice: “Okay… To ask…or not to ask?!” Twice: Whether it’s us or the heroes, everyone’s starting to take on a different look nowadays. Knowing who you are is what really matters. Who you wanna become…what you wanna do… It’s real, real important.

Ch115, viz.

Twice’s narration frames Overhaul as someone who’s just as freakish as he is, and it foreshadows “a place to belong” as a key theme of Overhaul’s arc—a theme that Overhaul’s first flashback (to when he met the boss) cements. Overhaul wants somewhere to be accepted and belong precisely because he’s a “crazy wacko” with no place in society. Usurping the boss is Overhaul’s attempt to carve out a place for himself in the world, to fashion the Hassaikai (and society at large) in his image.

Twice’s narration also highlights how Overhaul doesn’t know who he is or what he wants, and consequently, he turns out to be a humungous hypocrite who can’t uphold even a single of the principles he professes. He double-crosses the boss, he isn’t sure if he wants to commodify quirks or eliminate them, and he can’t accept that he, like everyone, is worthless. He’s so afraid that there’s something wrong with him that he instead insists that everyone else is “sick,” everyone else is wrong, not him, he’s the only normal person. Unlike the LoV, who are more or less okay with being outcasts, Overhaul sets out to correct this difference because he can’t bear it.

…And Twice’s foiling underscores Overhaul’s lack of emotional attachments. It’s ludicrous to think Twice would ever lock Shigaraki away and then release him after Twice’s clones have toppled society. Overhaul’s interest in the boss is as a source of validation to help him repress his fear that he’s abnormal, not in the boss as a human person with feelings.

While fighting Deku and Eri, Overhaul recalls putting the boss in a coma. He follows up his flashback with these lines:

Overhaul: “None of you are looking at the big picture here!! What I’m annihilating is the world itself!! Its very structure!! So a pathetic little would-be hero driven by his emotions…reaching out for whatever petty sense of justice he stumbles across [meaning the status quo]…can’t stop me!!”

Ch158, viz.

The “none of you” is very telling—Overhaul is referring to the boss as well as Deku. He resents the boss, and his resentment of heroes is partly a sublimation of that—both Deku and the boss are driven by compassion Overhaul lacks, which disturbs him, so he needs to lash out and tell himself that his motivator, "logic,” is normal.

But regardless of the underlying reason, his most important motivators are that he doesn’t value human lives, and that he feels alienation because, on some level, he fears there’s something wrong with him for that. (<– the boss basically tells him so, by spurning him for being cruel.)

^^ When Deku delivers his final blow, knocking off Overhaul’s mask and sending him crashing to the ground, Horikoshi reveals Overhaul’s face for the first time. It’s a plain face; the mask hides no quirk-related anomaly; ironically, Overhaul’s "remedy” to his phobia (the plague mask, to stop himself from breathing the same air as others) makes him look like more of a weirdo than if he went without it.

His flashback here gives us a glimpse of what it is that inspires Overhaul. Overhaul remembers walking in the rain in the boss—a memory that prompts him to make a last stand…but also, a memory that causes him to break out into hives. Once you look, it’s clear he has no hives before he remembers it.

This is a positive memory, but it’s also an intensely negative one.

Because, deep down, Overhaul knows the boss will never thank him again. Out of buried resentment for the way the boss withheld his acceptance and made Overhaul feel like a freak, Overhaul made a point to trash everything the boss loved—he turned the Hassaikai into villainous bastards and carelessly offs the boss’s devotees, he followed through on his evil plan to use Eri as the base for his anti-quirk serum, and he, uh, put the boss into a coma. He even rejected the name “Chisaki,” the name of the strange man who tried to be a yakuza but whom the boss discarded anyways, and named himself after his quirk in order to “remake” himself into someone new. Clearly, like everyone else, he’s invested in his quirk as a crucial aspect of his identity –.–

But embracing his “true nature” isn’t enough when Overhaul knows that the boss will never accept him again, when he is still different, which is why Overhaul wants the world to change to match his views on humanity, so that he’s normal.

Another time Overhaul spontaneously breaks out into hives is when Shigaraki leaves him.

No hives when Compress and Shigaraki touch him to remove his arms. Overhaul seems to be in shock. But Shigaraki’s words finally penetrate.

“You should just sit back and watch!! Have a nice life!”

“I just want to repay the debt I owe you. So please, just sit back…and watch.”

It’s these words from Shigaraki that prompt Overhaul to break out into hives, probably because, by sheer luck, Shigaraki quotes Overhaul’s last words to the boss. Before putting the boss in a coma, Overhaul told him to sit back and watch—one problem with that being, obviously, that someone in a coma can’t watch. So (again by sheer luck) Shigaraki actually does Overhaul one better and fulfills his words better than he did.

Similarly, Shigaraki is stealing Overhaul’s life’s work—just like how Overhaul stole the boss’s life’s work, the Hassaikai—and Overhaul’s quirk, just like how Overhaul stole Mirio’s…but Shigaraki steals them better than Overhaul did. It’s Overhaul’s lofty ambition to use the quirk serum change the world, to establish himself as normal and at the center of his new society, that serves as the basis of Overhaul’s self-esteem.…and it’s Overhaul’s quirk that gives Overhaul his name.

By removing his quirk, Shigaraki strips Overhaul of the name he gave himself. He’s no longer Overhaul, and he’s not even the boss’s man “Chisaki” anymore—he’s the nameless child on the streets whom everybody shuns. The outcast, the reject, someone who can only sit on the sidelines and helplessly watch.

Overhaul’s arc ends on the contrast between them. Overhaul is introduced as the mature, more methodical villain who threatens to supplant Shigaraki as AfO’s successor, but the story unmasks him as an irredeemable, reprehensible hypocrite who can’t stand by anything. Shigaraki, however, proves he’ll stand for what little ground he ekes out, and he copes with his resentment over his outsider status by openly acknowledging it and bonding with fellow outcasts to forge their own home. 

Ultimately, I think the core of Overhaul’s character boils down to 1) he doesn’t believe that people matter, 2) he feels intense alienation and isolation, and 3) he’s afraid he’s abnormal. How those three things interrelate, which of them is cause and which is effect, is flexible. I figure his hatred of quirks stems from one of these, probably (1).

Power is another consideration, one that I didn’t look at in my analysis since I think his thirst for power is his attempt to belong/alleviate his sense of abnormality by gaining status. And, though I think Overhaul is framed as a sociopath-like person whose lack of empathy is innate, I think there could be a solid characterization made for his extreme lack of empathy being a consequence of nurture, like he feels like a freak due to a childhood tragedy.

Miscellaneous Overhaul details;

Overhaul doesn’t seem to break out into hives when he touches dirty inanimate objects, like the floor; his phobia of “dirtiness” is focused on people.

His phobia is implied to have escalated or begun during adulthood. He didn’t seem to wear a mask as a kid, nor did he seem to break into hives before the canon timeline (Overhaul has no hives in any of his flashbacks, even when he’s cutting Eri or surrounded by gore).

Overhaul begins to wear his plague mask after a major argument with the boss over proper conduct for a yakuza.

Despite being Overhaul’s father-figure, the boss called him “Chisaki” instead of “Kai”—he might’ve been too traditional/stuffy to use Overhaul’s given name even when he was just a kid.

Mirio reminds Overhaul of the boss, which is why their fight gets so personal.

Overhaul hates Eri so much because they’re similar—both are “aberrations” who don’t belong. Eri is emphasized as a mutation who was rejected by even her mom, and the boss explicitly links their quirks…except that Eri has what he wants: the boss’s acceptance and a “normal” compassionate disposition, the latter of which he viciously leverages against her in order to punish her for it.

And also like…by virtue of being a young, little, helpless, sweet girl, meaning that she’s the perfect victim heroes always want to save more than anything, her life is disproportionately valuable to people, and that’s the sort of sentimental value Overhaul wants to destroy.

More reading;

If you somehow want to read even more about Overhaul, I only vaguely remember what these analyses are about bc it’s been a while since I last saw them, but each of these should have an interesting perspective on him.

Youtube video “The Beauty of Kai Chisaki” about the Buddhist context of Overhaul and the Shie Hassaikai.

A second youtube video called “Eri’s Quirk Explained with Philosophy” (about Overhaul, Eri, and the return to innocence) are both worth checking out. 

^^ I won’t link them directly because I’ve heard tumblr filters posts with external links out of searches.

Overhaul lost because people cared about his victims.

Linkspooky interprets Overhaul’s phobia as evidence of his repressed guilt, and they’ve also compared him and Shigaraki.

This conversation about Overhaul’s motives.

[blause]

Why Azula Doesn’t Deserve a Redemption Arc

With the Avatar Renaissance, I've seen quite a few people say that Azula deserved a redemption arc. I disagreed, despite her being my 3rd favorite character, and wrote a whole essay about it!

This is strictly about Azula in the show, not the comics!

Avatar: The Last Airbender is not only praised for being one of the greatest children’s cartoons created, but also creating one of the greatest character redemption arcs possibly in animated history.

Prince Zuko started as a bitter child, wanting only to restore his honor and be seen by his father as a valuable member not only to the Fire Nation but to Lord Ozai’s family. He spent years putting his heart and soul into a mission that was meant as a joke to keep him away, but when Prince Zuko actually finds the Avatar, Aang, it’s the first time he has had hope in a long time. That hope, though, was a flame tended by hatred, anger, and fear that he let get the best of him for two seasons of Avatar. And while there are moments in the show where he shows vulnerability and his true colors (see: “Zuko Alone”), his traumatic past overshadows any positive step he could truly take even if he had the best intentions.

It is in the third season where Zuko truly shines, standing up to his father and his sister, an abusive family where he hardly ever feels like he belongs, and joining the Avatar and his friends who he had betrayed so many times to finally do what was right and aligned with his morals instead of his father’s. It is with the love he had gotten from his Uncle Iroh from the beginning, and the compassion of his newfound friends, that he fights his own family for the sake of saving the world only to take his place as crowned king of the Fire Nation.

The reason I go into brief detail of Zuko’s character arc is to explain how fleshed out it makes his character. The questioning of himself, his morals and his motives truly make Zuko human. It makes him relatable, as nearly all true heroes in media try to be. There is an argument to be made that, despite his trauma and his warranted anger, he is not a three dimensional character in the first season of Avatar, but instead an angry child that wants his way no matter what his true motives are. Making Zuko end up on the “good” side was his fleshing out, and making him come full circle made genuine sense for the show.

So if Prince Zuko was able to get a redemption arc, doesn’t that mean his sister Azula, who also went through an immense amount of trauma, would be able to get one too and have it be just as great or make just as much sense?

No. I genuinely believe that giving Azula a redemption arc would not make sense for her character or the show.

Azula, Zuko’s younger sister and only daughter to Firelord Ozai, is seen as, what I believe to be, the secondary villain in Avatar. She was born with a natural talent for firebending, picking it up more easily and far younger than her brother Zuko did. Her personality type was nasty; she was a cunning, manipulative bully with relentless determination that reflected poorly on everyone around her. She commanded the attention of anyone in her presence, took what she thought was rightfully hers, and would not stop until she was the best -- the best being Ozai’s true approval.

In her introductory scene at the end of season 1, Azula does not even speak but it is not hard to see her emotions come through on her face. Beyond the “evil smirk” commonly associated with “bad” or “evil” characters, there is the radiating pleasure of being donned a serious task by her father. By the time you were to finish Avatar, it is clear to see in this 3 second introduction of Azula as a character that she is willing to do anything her father asks of her, thus turning into anything she would do to gain the respect and honor that Zuko also seeks out. It can be argued that, despite Azula receiving praise from her father both in her past and in the show, she never receives the honor that Zuko does.

In season 2, Azula is already cruel to those working for the Royal Family. This is to be expected, as she is only a 14 year old girl with the whole world wrapped around her talented finger, but the confidence and power in her tone as she commandeers a ship cannot be ignored. To have that ability and that intimidation at such a young age shows the complex that Azula develops with each success and conquer, only to end up being her downfall. When she reunites with her childhood “friends”, Ty Lee and Mai, it is through manipulation and fear that she gets them once again on her side (although with Mai and the way she hardly shows her true emotions, it is not as clear). It takes only minutes for Azula to get those on her side, showing the signs of a leader but also of an overlord.

While Azula’s bending powers are far beyond her years, it can be argued that her verbal powers are even stronger. Her confidence, persuasion tactics, and mastery of manipulation can sway anyone from vulnerable children (Zuko when she tried to bring him home as prisoner to her father as a traitor alongside her uncle), to an entire kingdom (not only the Earth Kingdom, but also the Dai Lee that held a leader confident in his abilities to lead the rogue society). As a counter, though, Azula’s verbal skills also lack when seen in season 3 as she tries to play the role of a “normal firebender citizen”.

She is shown at a firebender party having no social skills whatsoever, trying to find others ulterior motives, and overall struggling to fit in. While her traumatic past absolutely had a huge impact on her social skills, on top of being part of a royal family (Zuko shared similar struggles when going to offer to teach Aang firebending), it is interesting to see her confidence falter. In this episode is when we see Azula most vulnerable not only with those her age that she cannot immediately control, but also when she reflects on her mother and being called a “monster”. Those feelings of abandonment after Ursa left the Fire Nation only pushed her beyond her own limits to do anything in her power to keep Ozai’s love no matter how twisted it was

One of the biggest reasons I think that Azula did not deserve a redemption arc is because, much like Zuko, she chose her own path in the very end. If Zuko did not choose to seek out Aang and his friends in season 3, there would be no arc whatsoever. Obviously the writers chose this for him, and I see exactly why they did it. They showed Zuko’s wavering beliefs clearly over the years, despite his anger and his fear of not only change but forever losing his father regardless of how severed their connection had been for years on end. Azula, on the other hand, never showed anything but loyalty to her father and their shared beliefs and cause. There were countless openings for Azula to show some sort of questioning of herself and her beliefs, with the loss of Ty Lee and Mai, her father’s decision to make her the next ruler over the Fire Nation despite his plans as the Phoenix King, and the Agni Kai against Zuko and Katara, but she never did.

The closest she ever got was when her mental state and mental health began to collapse on her coronation day, and even that cannot be justified as questioning herself.

It’s heartbreaking to see the fall of Azula, the pressure put on her practically since birth finally crashing down around her. All the times that she had been called “crazy” by Zuko, Iroh, and others that she saw as disposable pawns finally “coming true”. It is when she begins to lose herself, not question herself, that she becomes such a big threat. While before she was cold and so tightly wound up in her ways, seeing the unraveling of trauma and how it can affect a teen girl whose true motivation was love and acceptance was powerful. The scene of Azula hallucinating her mother in the mirror was the acknowledgement of a lost past, a hopelessness that she could never forgive, and resulted in Azula’s genuine intentions to kill Zuko and Katara once confronted. And instead of stepping down, having enough awareness to see herself in such a deteriorating state, she challenges her brother to an Agni Kai.

Azula is truly gone the moment she steps off the throne. And even after she is defeated, instead of accepting the consequences of her actions or what led her to that point, she breaks down instead, forever sealing the potential of any character arc.

TLDR; So why do I believe that Azula doesn’t deserve a redemption arc?

1) She showed no desire to be redeemed.

2) Azula was already so fleshed out that it would not make sense to redeem her. Her anger, trauma, and actions take her down a road she cannot return from.

3) The fact that Zuko got such a terrific character redemption arc cannot be ignored in the sake of arguing whether Azula deserves one. If every character were to be redeemed, there would be no power behind the redemption. Giving both siblings a redemption arc, despite their (partially) shared traumas, would lessen the importance/meaning of the other’s.

4) Despite my personal belief that Azula is not evil, she is not good either. I believe that giving her a redemption arc would be a cheap shot at wiping clean or attempting to validate all of her past actions in at least some aspect. It would be a disservice to her as a character and invalidate her motivations and what she did to get to every peak she hit in the show.

[idance2silence]

If you don't have the ability to revoke your consent, you never gave it. It was taken from you.

If someone asks you repeatedly to do something and doesn't take no for an answer and you give in to the pressure from their relentlessness, you didn't give consent, it was taken from you. Giving in to pressure isn't consent, just like getting blackmailed into an action doesn't make you want to do that action. You were forced to give consent. This is not okay.

Someone telling you that your "no" needs a reason to back it up feels entitled to your body, soul, and mind. If they say your no is not justified, this doesn't mean you gave consent. In this situation, you are unable to say no, and your consent was taken from you. It was not given. My "no" needs no support, my boundaries need no explanation. If they ask for one, they feel entitled and they are wrong.

No one should ever say "I shouldn't have asked, I should have just done it" after they asked for your consent and you said no. This person does not value you. They are forcing your consent. They just want to take what they want, and they will use force and coercion.

I was always told I could say "no" and that my consent mattered, but no one ever explained to me that my consent could be taken from me. I did not give consent, they stole my consent. And I'm so tired of feeling guilty for "giving" consent or "misleading" someone when they took advantage of me and treated me like I didn't matter. All of my relationship guilt stems from someone stealing my consent.

I'm done being polite. I'm not saying no twice.

These experiences and lessons I've listed are all from 2 boys, neither adults. I've recently realized that they forced my consent, I did not freely give it. This isn't a grown man who was intentionally hurting me with clever manipulations, these were minors who thought that pressuring me into consent was okay and valid. They genuinely didn't know better. They grew up in a world where this was normal. We need to do better.

(If they did know better, I'm going to keep lying to myself. I need to keep some hope that they weren't inherited cruel and that this is fixable.)

"Relentlessly pursuing someone" is just another way of saying "this person doesn't respect boundaries." Its creepy, and scary and terrifying.

Let me tell you a story about one of these teens. I was afraid to go home because a boy I saw every day at middle school did these things to me. A 14 year old. Thats too young for this to have been a planned manipulation, he was just as much a kid as I was. He knew where I lived because he followed me home, threatened to kiss me, and asked me on a date every day for weeks. He cornered me when I was alone and afraid, even if we were in a room with a crowd (just because there's a crowd doesn't mean there's backup in it. This is why girls don't go to things alone). There's a song from 8th grade prom that triggers me back to that moment when he corned me on the dance floor. He made me believe I needed to justify not dating him to the point where I was coming up with full essays worth of reasons for him to declare it all invalid. I left the last day of middle school afraid for my life instead of saying heartfelt goodbyes to my friends. My best friend, also a boy, walked me to my bike and saw me off. He understood that I was afraid because when I told him what I had heard, he didn't invalidate me. He listened and dropped his own needs to protect me. He promised to stay with me until I felt safe. (Another boy who watched his friend pressure me like this warned me about what he was planning. He may have sat by and watched it happen, but he at least warned me so I could get help from my best friend who was a fellow boy. There were girls who listened to me and helped me stay confident to stand my ground against him, making sure to never leave me alone at lunch, even though he would sit with us I wasn't left alone with him.)

My middle school drama wasn't about who I had a crush on but being afraid of being sexually assaulted by a classmate. I now know it doesn't need to be like this.

Not all men harass women, but it's enough. I have met good men too, but it's not enough.

I can name every man in my life I feel safe walking with alone at night on one hand. That's not enough. Everyone who has done this to me was a school friend with the same classes as me that I saw every day. School wasn't safe for me. Why would I assume the streets would be safer?

How am I supposed to know if you're looking at me like an object or as a person? From my view it looks the same. Men who defend me and men who attack me, both come from the same place. The only way I'm going to know which one you are is if you actively show me. Say something when you see something, change will come through awareness.

"No" means stop. Please respect boundaries. I was never taught mine had inherent value and I don't want anyone else to feel like I did. The internet taught me this and looking back, the red flags are all there. I'm sharing my story in hopes that someone else can learn this before it happens and not after like I had to.

These are things I've learned in retrospect based off real things that happened to me. Feel free to add to the list with other unspoken lessons you've learned. I don't want to see anyone allow themselves to get trapped in the same situations as I did.

Much love to everyone and thank you for taking a moment from your day to listen to my story. It means a lot 💖

[carriagelamp]

A Bear Called Paddington

One of those childhood classics I had never gotten around to reading, though I definitely grew up very aware of Paddington. For those who somehow haven’t heard of him, A Bear Called Paddington is about a little bear from Darkest Peru who is forced to immigrate to England. The Brown family runs into this little bear at the Paddington train station (where he gets his name) and decide to take him in since he had no where else to go. The rest of the story follows Paddington’s various well-meaning hijinks. It has a similar feel to the novels of Winnie the Pooh and Mary Poppins. Definitely a slower book than a lot of children’s novels these days, but still super charming; this would make a great bedtime sort of story.

Battle Bunny

One of the funniest picture books I’ve seen in ages. It’s made to look like someone took an old Golden Book (“The Birthday Bunny”) and rewrote it as The Battle Bunny. You can read the “original” wholesome story about a little Bunny visiting his friends around the forest on his birthday, and then the relentlessly goofy, violent version of the Battle Bunny on his quest to conquer the forest.

Black Clover

...Okay but this is just Naruto. It’s about a spiky pale-haired boy in a headband with a dark-haired rival. Said spiky-haired boy is absolutely talentless but makes up for it with relentless determination and despite this complete lack of skill is convinced he will become the hokage- I mean, the Wizard King. He takes a ninja- wizard test, and when he passes he gets a new headband and joins a small team where he goes on missions for the community. His first mission involves him going to a mist-covered island where the village people are being tormented by a mercenary with ice magic...

Despite all this, it was an okay read and was kind of charming. If you liked Naruto, it wouldn’t hurt to check out Black Clover. On a more serious note, it’s about a world where everyone has magic abilities, to greater or lesser degrees, and when they come of age they receive a magical grimoire that gives them access to more abilities. The main character, however, has absolutely no magical potential and receives a grimoire that, instead of casting magic, has the ability to cancel out other people’s magic.

Bug Boys

A very charming graphic novel about a pair of beetles (Rhino-B and Stag-B). These stories are episodic little adventures of this pair as they meet other bugs and explore the land around the Bug Village. The tone is kinda wild because it goes from very simplistic goofy comic stories, to shockingly deep and metaphoric. Kind of has an Adventure Time like vibe?

Emily of New Moon

A Canadian classic. This is a second series written by L. M. Montgomery, author of Anne of Green Gables and it has the exact same style as Anne. In some ways one might argue that it’s repetitive of the last series, but honestly it’s exactly what I want. While I love Anne of Green Gables I never cared as much for the rest of the series, all I wanted was more Anne as a child, not Anne as an adult, and that is exactly what Emily of New Moon delivers.

It’s the story of Emily Starr, an imaginative, sensitive child, who is orphaned when her sickly father passes away from TB. Rather than leave her to an orphanage, her late-mother’s estranged family, the Murrays, adopt her out of familial duty and bring her to live on the strange, old-fashioned New Moon farm. There Emily learns to contend with the Murray pride, starting school, making new friends, and blossoming into an avid writer.

I’ve read this book plenty of times, and listening to an audiobook of it again was such a relaxing experience. I would recommend this to anyone that likes period pieces about whimsical childhoods and strongly written young girl characters.

Minecraft: The Island

This was my Completely Shocking Book Of The Month because I started it as a joke and, to my total amazement, kinda fell in love with it. But then again it is written by Max Brooks, author of World War Z. This ended up being a survival-horror isekai that actually sticks the landing, and this is coming from someone with zero interest in a) Minecraft and b) isekai. It’s like Hatchet, if Hatchet took place in a video game world and involved amnesia. I love stories that involve needing to learn a new set natural laws to navigate a world and this book has that coming out its ears.

It’s about a main character (with no specified gender) who wakes up and finds themself in a strange, cubed world, with a baffling array of rules. The MC needs to come to terms with being in complete isolation, surrounded by monsters, and constantly contending with starvation, fear, and confusion as they try to learn how to survive and understand this strange world they’re trapped in.

The Nameless City

Written by someone who worked on the Avatar: The Last Airbender comics, which isn’t surprising because this series has a very strong Avatar vibe, in all the right ways. It takes place in a politically volatile city. As it’s the only pass through the mountains, this city is constantly conquered and reconquered by neighbouring powers. This book is about Kaidu, a child of the Dao empire, the current occupying force. He was sent to the City to meet his father, one of the local generals, and in the meantime meets Rat, one of the city children who is actually affected by the constant violence and control of the occupiers. If you liked Avatar you should give this trilogy a go because the characters are very endearing and the art is beautiful.

Peter & Ernesto

Years back I enjoyed the weird little cartoons made by this fellow, when he was using the name The Grickle; I didn’t realize he was now making graphic novels. These graphic novels very much have his humour and art style all over it. These books are about two sloths: adventurous, optimistic Ernesto, and anxious, fretful Peter. Despite their differences, they’re best friends and are there to pull each other out of scrapes.

Rick

I’ve read Alex Gino’s other middle grade novel, George, which was about a transgirl coming to terms with her identity in grade four. This new book, Rick, takes place in the same world, though you don’t need to have read George first. Rick is about a boy who was best friends with the bully of the first book, and, now in middle school, is coming to realize that not only is his friend not the sort of person he’d always believed he was, but that his own sexuality might not be so clear cut either. On a positive note, this is the first time I’ve read a middle grade novel that deals with asexuality, and Gino creates rich, warmhearted, living worlds in their books. However, it also felt like it was trying to take the past ten years of tumblr queer discourse and cram it almost verbatim into one book which was… a lot to deal with. It felt rather preachy and repetitive of debates I’ve already been forced to live through, and I don’t always appreciate the conclusions the author draws on those debates.

Honestly, more than anything I would say read George instead, it felt like the much stronger book of the two to me.

The Rock From The Sky

Fascinating children’s book. Jon Klassen’s books are always bizarre and strangely toned for children’s books, and this one is no exception (this is the author who wrote Where Is My Hat and the like). I don’t know how to explain it without spoiling it, so honestly if you want a deranged children’s book, give it a read. All I can say is that, yes, a rock comes from the sky. Does it ever.

Sweep: A Story of a Girl and her Monster

An amazing novel! This takes place during the Industrial Revolution, about a chimney sweep named Nan Sparrow. After being abandoned by The Sweep, the only guardian she can ever remember having, she’s been scraping a living under the cruel thumb of the master sweep to whom she’s indentured. However, when she gets stuck in a chimney fire, certainly about to die, she finds that the char she’s kept in her pocket, the only thing left to her by The Sweep, has woken up and is, in fact, a tiny soot golem there to protect her. Nan and her tiny monster now have a chance to escape Nan’s servitude, and carve out a life for themselves in the grimy London streets — and more importantly, hidden up on the grimy London rooftops.

You Should See Me In A Crown

I decided to read this because I’ve always heard rave reviews for it, but honestly, it wasn’t for me. I can see why people do like it, it’s very much a cottoncandy sort of read, but it’s also very much not my genre. I didn’t love high school slice of life stories even when I was in high school, and it’s only become less appealing as I’ve grown up. And this high school in particular feels like it was lifted directly from a Disney Channel original movie. Way too much American prom culture. So yeah, if you’re into that sort of story, then it lets you experience that genre with a queer protagonist, but personally I didn’t bother finishing it.