#why not show rejection and healthy ways to deal with it and show that it is ok to get rejected and the world doesnt end and you keep living

[hamsterwalled]

That boy is so surrounded by love and support it makes me SICK

[mangomonk]

i've been dreaming

↳ summary: read this drabble and pt. 1 first! remus deals with the repercussions of falling in love too late. ↳ content: angst, happy ending, mentions of eating/sleeping properly ↳ a/n: get comfy, this is a long one! i really appreciated and loved each comment from pt. 1, it made my day to see y'all scream heartbreak. would love to hear your thoughts on this one : D anyways, i went back and forth on my characterization of remus a million times, but i hope this version of him resonates and i hope you enjoy :") tense/grammar is all over the place, minimal proofreading but i've stared at this for too long. p.s. i'm kinda proud af about connecting the titles, they're from ivy by frank ocean.

Remus has been dreaming. Every time she had looked at him, he had felt like he was dreaming.

There wasn't a moment in particular that Remus could name when he realized he wanted her to look at him. He was in the middle of it before he even knew he had begun, though maybe a part of him had known it would have been futile to resist when she looked at him like that.

Or maybe it had been an accumulation of moments of Remus longing for her to look at him.

Maybe it had been when they had started their fourth study date together when Remus had decided he needed to act like a normal person and have strict boundaries instead of casting sidelong glances at her over the top of his book. He couldn't help but look at her as he tried to figure out why in the world a girl like her would ever agree to date him in the first place — he had only really asked so that he could be rejected and put the whole thing behind him.

But it wasn't his fault that the more glances he stole at her, the more he noticed the way her expression changed with each new story she read. It wasn't his fault that her lips parted when she was concentrating too hard on Ancient Runes. It wasn't his fault that her lips were the same color as his mother's tulips. But she never noticed when — or how — he looked at her, to his mingled relief and disappointment. It wasn't his fault at all, he reasoned — anyone would notice these things if they just looked at her properly. It baffled him a little how no one else seemed to have noticed this things about her yet.

It had been that day that Remus had decided he needed to start acting normal. He needed to learn how to control his eyes before he bore holes through her face. So he had focused on reviewing his Magical Theory textbook. Even though he had been rereading the same line for over five minutes. Even though he was so painfully aware that if he moved his leg out just slightly, his knees would knock against hers. Even though he could begin to feel her glancing up at him from across the table. When had he become so attuned to her gaze?

But he hadn't looked up, frustratingly going against every fiber in his body, because he needed to be normal and have boundaries and this was temporary. Even if she was looking at him like that. Remus Lupin, with his ever so strong willpower, hadn't looked up to meet her not-so-secret secret glances and had scribbled a note on his scrap of parchment and slid it over.

Hogsmeade this weekend?

Or maybe it had been when they had gone to Hogsmeade, the first time they had done anything together outside of studying. Asking her to go was a stroke of madness, but Remus had reasoned it to be a healthy show of their relationship, no matter how temporary it was supposed to be. It wouldn't make sense if they were dating and only ever studied together, right?

Right.

He had thought about sending an owl to cancel, even as he tried on Sirius's shirt for the second time — the night before, he had come to the sobering realization that all his clothes were plain. He had thought about telling her that he caught a cold, even as he let James slather Euphemia's silkifying potions through his hair. He had still been thinking about canceling even as his feet took him to the entrance gate—

—and she had been wearing a skirt.

It had been one of those long and flowy Muggle skirts — Remus had never before paid attention to women's fashion, but after that moment, he realized that maybe he ought to subscribe to one of Lily's Witch Weekly magazines so that he could get her more skirts, or rather, more of anything, he thought she'd look pretty in anything. Had he said pretty out loud?

Remus Lupin didn't have butterflies in his stomach, he had damn hummingbirds.

"Hi," he had said, a little too tersely and sharply.

"Hi," she had said back, all smiles. Despairingly, he had noticed that she was wearing lipstick. When he stared at her a little dumbly and didn't say anything back, her smile turned nervous as she fidgeted with the collar of her blouse. Impulsively, his eyes darted to follow the motion. "So... Hogsmeade?"

He wasn't going to tell her she looked pretty because he had laid out his boundaries. And if he started, he would never stop— "You look preautiful," he had blurted, stricken.

Her eyes had widened a fraction before she broke into a laugh. A proper laugh, not the quiet, library huff type of laughs he had grown fond of hearing. The warmth in his chest had spread all over and it had felt like it got to his head as a fog, rendering him unable to think. Remus had no idea what to do with the new, dizzying knowledge that she looked absurdly stunning when she was laughing, but all he could think about during their walk to Hogsmeade was how he might make her laugh again.

Or maybe it had been the first time he had properly introduced her to the Marauders. She had stepped closer to him instinctively — perhaps nervously, because Sirius was staring at her too appraisingly with narrowed eyes — when the back of her knuckles had brushed against his. Remus had nearly jumped out of his skin. Sirius's gaze had darted to him swiftly, his gray eyes knowingly bright with interest.

"Pleased to meet you," Sirius had said a moment later, his face breaking into a warm smile, but Remus wasn't paying attention anymore. He was just trying to figure out how he might hook his pinky with hers.

All this to say that there hadn't been one particular moment Remus Lupin could have pinpointed that had sealed his fate of wanting to be under her gaze.

The first time she looked at him, it was the start of nothing and when she looked away that night, it was the end of everything.

Remus wished she yelled at him. Hell, he even wished she had called him a monster, cursed him, hexed him. Remus thought that he would have been happier if she looked at him with contempt and disgust in her eyes, which only weeks ago had been his greatest fear when he considered telling her about his lycanthropy. The thought back then had kept him up at night, but Remus found himself dreaming for it now. Anything if it meant that he didn't hurt her the way he had. He found himself dreaming that she would just look at him again.

If Remus thought he had been panicked that night, it was nothing compared to the next day when he realized she was avoiding him. She hadn't shown up to the Great Hall — Remus knew this because he got there the moment the doors opened to make sure to catch her — and she didn't show up to any of their classes for the remainder of the day. The Marauder's Map showed that she was unmoving in her dormitory. When Remus finally did catch sight of her the next day in the Great Hall, he burst to his feet but froze a moment later. She walked past him, her expression one of unfamiliar blankness.

"Y/N!" He called, lurching forward towards her.

When she turned away from him to avoid meeting his gaze, Remus felt something like dismay sink so heavily and swiftly in his chest, like a stone thrown into a calm lake. The idea that Y/N wouldn’t look at him again drove him half-mad with a panicked disquietude that sent him scrambling to find a way to talk to her again. 

He tried in the Great Hall, but she stopped coming. She would arrive just late enough that class would start and would disappear the moment class ended. She stopped going to the library. Even with the Marauder's Map, he had no luck. The closer he tried to get to her, the further she stayed away.

Remus thought he was dreaming when he saw her alone in the corridor one Hogsmeade weekend when he couldn't bring himself to leave.

"Y/N," he said instinctively, hopefully. She looked up, her surprised expression immediately shuttering close. "Can we talk? Just for a moment?" He asked, stepping towards her. When she didn't move away, he straightened, encouraged.

“I know,” Remus began, his throat bobbing as he swallowed back the jolt of despair when he realized that she still wasn't looking at him. The despair only grew into a gnawing worry when he noticed the way shadows lined her eyes, the planes of her face hollower. Was she taking care of herself? "I know you don't want to see me anymore, cariad, but—"

"You don't get to call me that anymore."

He sucked in a breath, steeling himself before continuing. "Okay," he whispered, "Okay. I know. And I'm sorry, Y/N. I've never been more sorry in my life. And I won't ever ask you to forgive me. But, but I'm selfish because I want you to know that it was real for me."

She looked like she was folding in on herself as she clutched her forearms. "It wasn't real. You don't actually like me, Rem— Lupin," she said evenly, her tone neither cold nor warm. "It could have been anyone else."

"No, I do, I do," Remus lurched forward, desperate and earnest and wishing. "I like you, and maybe it wasn't real in the beginning, but it's real now. Like isn't even a strong enough word for how I feel about you, Y/N. I lo—"

"Don't." At the harsh steeliness of her tone, Remus froze, stricken, his heart dropping to his feet. "Don't say it."

"But it's true," he whispered entreatingly, imploring her to look at him again. "It's been true for awhile now."

"I don't believe you."

Each word hit him in the chest like a sharp pang, the stricken feeling in his chest clenching around his heart. "Okay," Remus swallowed back the crumpling sense of despair as he nodded earnestly. "That's okay," he whispered, as if not to spook a wild animal. "I... I'll show you." He had so much he wanted to say, so much that he wanted to show her. If he had been honest since the beginning, he wouldn't have hurt her. But maybe if he was honest now, it wasn't too late — he could still fix things. "You have my heart, Y/N," he continued softly, "—and you can break it, if you want, if you'll give me another chance—"

"I don't need it," she said quietly, looking away from him again. "Nor do I want it."

— — — — —

Remus stopped dreaming as he stopped sleeping.

"You should get some sleep tonight, mate," James said as he edged near his friend. "Full moon coming up."

Remus grunted in his response as he continued writing at his desk.

"Prongs is right," Sirius agreed, exchanging a quick look with the others. "She'll come around soon, anyone with eyes can see how you look at her. And how she looks at you."

"Why don't you talk to her again?" James suggested gently as he sat on the edge of Remus's bed.

"She doesn't want to," Remus said quietly, a blot of ink pooling at the end of his quill as he tried not to think about their last conversation.

"Why not write her a letter then?" Sirius asked. "Look, Moony, we're worried about you..."

A letter, Remus thought dimly as he stared down at the parchment in front of him.

Cariad, he began before setting his quill down to stare at the word. The first time he had called her cariad had been a slip of tongue. When he was younger, before his father had burnt himself out trying to find a cure to his lycanthropy, his father used to call his mother cariad. It was like a gentle period at the end of each sentence, an endearment that said everything all at once.

It had slipped into the end of his sentence one morning when he had asked her if she wanted orange juice or apple juice. Maybe it was too early to confess love, but it had slipped out, subtle and quiet like their time together.

"What's that?" She had asked, her attention now caught. "Car-iad," she said slowly, as she tried pronouncing the word carefully. Remus had thought he could have kissed her then.

"It's Welsh," he had said, keeping his tone light and casual as he reached for her cup.

But she had been as attentive as ever, her eyes seeing right through him as they tracked across his face carefully. It didn't help that he could feel his ears begin to burn. Despite himself though, Remus delighted being under her attention, and had relished it even as she narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. "For?"

Remus had schooled his expression carefully. "For 'Y/N can never pick between orange juice and apple juice,'" he had deadpanned, inwardly delighting in the way her lips twitched as she huffed, unconvinced.

"Today is an orange juice day," she had declared finally. Remus had bit back a smile as he poured her juice. When she took it, she had smiled at him around the rim of the cup. "Thank you, cariad."

Remus had thought that he was dreaming.

Remus picked up his quill again and got a fresh sheet of parchment. Dove, he began again before promptly crossing it out. A new piece of parchment. Y/N, he started again. Y/N. Y/N. Y/N. He missed saying her name. When the squeeze in his chest got too tight to ignore, he set his quill down and rested his forehead against his desk and closed his eyes. He had hurt her so terribly, the person he loved. And Remus resented himself for it. He didn't have the right to call her cariad or dove or darling or anything anymore. He didn't have the right to wallow in pity. He didn't have the right to try to fix things when she so clearly didn't want him anymore.

"Remus Lupin," a voice snapped sharply as the door to the dormitory flew open with a boom. "How could you—"

“Lily!” James blurted in clear alarm. "Lily, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here because you lot have really gone too far this time," Lily seethed, her eyes as fiery as her hair as she stalked into the room. "Remus, I thought you were better than this! Y/N hasn't—"

"Lily!" James jumped to his feet in a rare show of courage against the witch. He let out a nervous laugh, but to his credit, stood firm even as Lily rounded on him. “You’re making him feel worse!”

For a moment, Lily turned on James, an incredulous expression on her face before her gaze slid over to Remus, who still hadn’t looked up during the exchange. She faltered, her scowl softening as her gaze darted back to James who gave her an encouraging nod. But then the fiery-haired girl straightened. “He should feel bad,” she admonished, though the venom had begun to dissipate from her voice. 

“And he does,” Sirius supplied helpfully from his corner of the room. “Moony hasn’t really, er, moved or spoken in days, really. We’re all getting concerned.”

"Well neither has Y/N," Lily grumbled, though her tone was beginning to soften rapidly.

This caught his attention. Remus lifted his head to look at her. "Has she been taking care of herself?"

Lily narrowed her eyes at him, a crease forming between her brow as she looked at him assessingly. "Have you been taking care of yourself?"

Remus didn't say anything to this as he turned to rummage through his desk. "Will you make sure she eats and sleeps properly?" He said before finding the stack of parchment he had been looking for.

"It took me nearly an hour to get her to understand that I wasn't a part of the mess you had created," Lily said, though not harshly. Remus ignored the look of pity in her eyes as he busied himself with cobbling together a few more sheets of parchment. "I think you should be the one making sure she's alright."

At this, he paused to look down at the parchment. “She doesn’t want to be in the same room as me, let alone speak with me,” Remus pointed out, his voice unsteady. In a quieter voice, he added, “She can’t even stand looking at me.”

The room fell silent. Then finally, Lily spoke up again. "Fine. I'll check up on her but not for you, but because I'm her friend. And if you ever considered her at least a friend, you ought to do it too sometime and have a proper conversation with her."

Remus bit the inside of his cheek as he turned to proffer the stack of parchment to Lily. "Can you also give these notes to her? It's for Ancient Runes. I charmed the handwriting so she won't know it's from me, but—"

"Remus," Lily sighed, but took the notes anyways as she looked down at his desk curiously before sitting down on the edge of his bed. A pause. Remus could feel her eyes seeing right through him. "Were you ever going to tell her?"

Remus tried not to look like he was unraveling. "I don't know," he admitted honestly. "I wanted to and I didn't want to all at once all the time."

He had thought about telling her before. But to do so meant that he would have to tell her about his condition, and that had sent him into a stricken spiral every time he had thought about it. He had thought that if he told her, she would look at him differently, with pity or repulsion in her eyes. He had been so afraid, so, terrified, of that look that every time the truth nearly bubbled out of his throat, he'd choke on it. But now Remus knew that the worse thing wasn't that she would look at him like he was a monster. It was that she wouldn't look at him at all.

It had always felt like he was running on stolen time, but each grain of sand in their hourglass had felt so startling incandescent that it had been easy to pretend that they weren't trapped in a fragile glass of his own making.

Every moment he had thought to tell her, she would turn and look at him with such fond adoration that Remus would swallow the words back in. She always made for such an arresting sight that Remus felt his breath still as affection would bloom so violently, so dizzingly, so distractingly, in his chest that it became hard to say anything at all.

He was distracted by the way little crinkles would form on her nose when she was thinking too hard. He was distracted by the way he could hear her smile in her words. He was distracted by the way she breathed and walked and loved, slow and steady, to a silent metronome.

And the honest truth was that Remus was more than happy to be distracted by her.

— — — — —

When Remus woke up from a dreamless sleep the morning after the full moon, he found himself, predictably, in a bed in the Infirmary. It must have only been dawn — he could tell the room was still dim behind his eyelids as he did his mental check of his limbs. No new scars please, he thought wryly once he confirmed all his limbs were in place, albeit sore and strained. Remus sighed. Then came the more dreaded question.

"Did anyone get hurt?" He asked, his voice hoarse from his transformation.

He expected one of the boys to respond, but when no response came, his eyes flew open in a panic. They normally stayed the night in the Infirmary to get their checkup from Madam Pomfrey — Remus knew they were just there to keep him company, though they always deflected when he tried to usher them back to the dorms — and they were normally the first to assure him that no one had gotten hurt. Alarmed, Remus sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed hastily to look around, his joints groaning in protest.

"Are you hurt?" A voice next to him asked.

He was dreaming again.

Y/N was sitting in a chair next to his bed, alarm quickly breaking through the remnants of the sleepiness that clung onto her eyes as she scanned him hastily as if to ensure he was still in one piece. There was an imprint of his blanket on her cheek. Remus's fingers twitched to rub it when she spoke up again. "Should I call Madam Pomfrey?"

So it wasn't a dream.

At the sobering realization, Remus shook his head hastily. "No, I, uh, I'm fine," he said, the words faltering on his lips. Suddenly he felt very seen. He had never wanted her to see him after a transformation, especially not then, when he was all fresh scars and worn bones. He felt like a shell of himself. "What are you doing here?" He asked quietly, fixing his gaze on his hands and noticing a new scar across the back of his hand, still red and shallow. He couldn't quite look at her now as shame and mortification flooded his system.

For the first time in his life, he wished she wasn't looking at him.

"You guys normally come back earlier on full moons," she said, still looking at him. "I was worried that..." She fell silent. So she had even known their schedule, he despaired.

"I see," Remus said tightly, feeling drained.

When he didn't say anything else, she spoke up again tentatively. "Sirius told me to tell you that no one got hurt—"

Chagrin and shame roiled in his stomach as he stared at the new scar on his hand. "You can go back now," he interrupted, grasping the blanket tightly. He wished she wasn't looking at him, he wished that he didn't have a new scar, he wished that the floor would just open up and swallow him whole.

He wished this was all just a bad dream.

"I'll go if you want me to go," she said quietly. Remus couldn't tell what expression she was making because he couldn't bare to look at her. Pity, fear, disgust. He was sure he'd never recover if she was looking at him like that— "But I... I don't want to go."

His gaze darted from his hands to her face. She was biting on the inside of her cheek, her eyes wide and imploring and distracting. Slowly, it became easy to breathe again. The imprint of the blanket was fading from her cheek. Remus still wanted to rub it off.

"Okay," he acquiesced, the word coming out as a soft breath. She relaxed back into the chair. "I never wanted you to see me like this," he murmured quietly, feeling all too cracked open under her gaze.

"Remus," she began, also whispering as if not to break the fragile peace between them. His heart stuttered dangerously at the sound of his name from her lips, but he shouldered forward, adamant to not let himself start dreaming again.

"Have you... been well?" Remus asked, first as a deflection before he took in the shadows on her face. It was like once he started, he couldn't stop. "Have you been eating properly and sleeping enough—"

"Remus," she said again, this time more urgently and softly. "I got your letters."

Remus paused, his dry throat clicking as he swallowed. "So you knew the notes were from me," he murmured, rubbing at the base of his neck. "Sorry, I thought they would help, but I'll stop if you're uncomfortable—"

"No, I mean, I got your letters," she said, reaching into her book bag.

To his horror, she pulled out a stack of parchment. Some of them had were heavily creased from being balled up, but someone had carefully straightened them and piled them up. "You weren't supposed to see those," he blurted, mortified now. "I threw those away."

"I know," she said, her gaze fixed on the letters. They weren't really letters at all — he had never been able to get past how to address her. He could catch glimpses of his chicken scratch handwriting. Y/N. Dove. My sweet girl. Cariad. My love. Cariad. Cariad. Y/N. Y/N. Y/N. "Lily gave them to me. She also gave me this—" Carefully, Y/N pulled another familiar piece of parchment from her bag. This one was filled and messy with different colored inks across time.

Remus's mouth went dry. He didn't need to look at it to know what it was because he had it memorized.

Ketchup and pepper with eggs (prefers sunny-side up)

Three younger brothers

Likes mum's knitted sweater the most -> owl mum how she did it??

No favorite color, but it's probably green and yellow??

Needs a midday nap most days

Likes long skirts (or is it because I complimented it?)

Y/N is Sisyphus and the question of orange juice or apple juice is the rock

Peonies

Chocolate frogs (non-jumping)

Always needs hair ties -> ask Lily if Hogsmeade has any

Tea = 3 sugars, lots of milk (prefers juice though)

Give notes for Ancient Runes

Find out if there are hair tying charms

Jane Austen

Christmas ideas: skirts, cat, necklace, journal, hair ties

"You weren't supposed to see that," he said again dumbly.

"I know," she said again. A pause. "I believe you."

Remus's head snapped up to see that she was looking at him. He was dreaming again. He shook himself out of it. "No, you don't have to," he said hastily.

"No, Remus, I believe you that it was real," she said, her words choppy as she wrung her hands together. He wanted to reach out and cover her hand with his but instead he sat perfectly still. "But I— But I was so hurt by you," she whispered.

"I'm so sorry," he said with every fiber of his being. "I was afraid and selfish and I hurt you and there's no forgiving that."

"But Remus," she said, looking up at him finally. "I've missed you. I miss you so much and I don't know what to do—" Her voice cracked. Remus felt like something in him cracked open again.

"Oh, cariad," he breathed. "Can I—" He faltered, but miraculously, she picked up on what he meant. Wordlessly, she surged into his arms and for the first time in weeks, he felt like he could breathe again. "I'm so sorry, my sweet girl," he murmured into her hair as he breathed in her familiar scent. "If... if you'll have me again, can we start over?"

"Only if it's for real this time," she mumbled into his shoulder with a dry huff of a laugh as she clutched him back. God, he missed her laugh.

He pressed a kiss against her temple, the first of many. "It's real. Very real."

Remus prayed he wasn't dreaming anymore.

— — — — —

a/n: thanks for reading :^) would love to hear thoughts! my masterlist here

[astrobydalia]

Saturn🪐

by astrobydalia

There’s a lot of emphasis on the ‘delay’ aspect of Saturn. It is true that the house where you have this planet are themes that might be delayed in your life until your Saturn return (your 30s) or until you’re mature enough (age and maturity don’t always go hand in hand). Up until then, you could struggle to find stability in these house’ themes to the point where you might think you’re not cut out to have them like everyone else since nothing here seems to come easily or naturally.

Example:

Saturn in 4th - could face early abandonment from family (emotional and/or physical). May spend a big chunk of their lives feeling like they have no support or quite literally no family. Constantly feeling rejected by the people and places they try to call home and lack a sense of belonging. Eventually they learn what it really means to become a support system for themselves and the people they love, this might have come at the expense of their own comfort, but learned to build this stability within themselves once they mature

However, that is the most forgiving manifestation of Saturn in my opinion because it can actually do the exact opposite. Saturn placement can also show themes that are imposed on you very early on and you have to stick with for a veeeeery long time until you’re ready to mature out of it or until you know better. In other words, a karmic lesson. This is because Saturn also represents burdens

Same example:

Saturn 4th - could actually have a strong bond with their family and have a stable place to call home, but they could be inseparable from family/roots in a way that is detrimental for the native. Could feel the pressure to stick up for family and what they want at the expense of their own needs which results in another form of emotional abandonment. Family is limiting, could feel like you can’t escape from them or their influence. Ultimately the lesson is the same cause it’s the same placement, but instead of learning it through trial and error like the last case, they learn it from being hands on in a less than ideal situation

There’s also a combination of both: having to deal with a certain burden because you it’s like you lack the possibility of anything better in the long run. Following the example: could be the case that your whole family is gone and you only have one relative to relay on but they’re abusive

Saturn isn’t here to make sure your life is crap, it can actually bring blessing if you’re patient and resilient. After all it rules karma, so it eventually delivers what’s fair. That’s why Saturn’s exalted in Libra and also because the concepts of boundaries, respecting the common rules and detaching for the sake of compromise are things both Saturn and Libra understand perfectly. “time ends up placing everything where it should be”

It’s true that Saturn is tricky because it’s all about prioritizing growth over comfort. It’s about the sacrifices that make you tougher, stronger, bigger. So at its worst it actually be very bad. The shadow of Saturn is all about doing whatever it takes for growth and benefit. In the case of Capricorn that relates to climbing the social and economic ladder. For Aquarius, that’s detaching from your humanity in order to be more ‘evolved’. It has a lot to do with detaching from your heart and soul in benefit of the 3D world, that’s why Saturn is debilitated Aries, Cancer and Leo, because these signs are all about checking in with yourself and staying true to yourself and your heart so don’t like accepting Saturn’s limitations in terms of these things. I’d argue that it can even be worse than the other ‘malefic’ planet because it’s associated to all of the things that can be devastating for any human in a permanent basis: loneliness, depression, coldness, abuse of power (saturn=limits, control, authority)

On the flip side, Saturn at its best represents everything a healthy person needs: stability, structure, boundaries, the barriers that keep you protected and responsibility. The growth over comfort motto is actually positive when channeled healthily. As we all know, in order to mature and be a better person, we have to take responsibility and compromise some of our comfort zone, we need to learn to ‘tame’ and take control of ourselves and that’s not always a walk in the park but it’s worth it at the end. This is what helps you build a solid ‘you’ and that’s what Saturn can teach you. Saturn also represents the matrix, the rules and limits of this big game so at its best, it can be the most helpful planet when it comes to teaching you how to navigate this world and to grow from your lessons. It other words it can help you manifest!!!! Saturn gives you clues on what you can do to materialize what you want, how you can translate things into reality

Saturn is actually very rewarding and liberating in the long run if you embrace the process of growth and take responsibility for yourself in the themes it is influencing in your chart. It gets to point in your life were Saturn’s like “yeah it is what it is. It sucks. Too bad. But the ball’s in your court now, what are you gonna do?”

Anyways this was a little spontaneous ramble of my thoughts. As always, don’t hesitate to share yours :)

by astrobydalia

[emin-folly]

Thank you for your answer! I was the one who asked about what Eobard's doing earlier haha

I also have this other question, but do you think he's able to get attached to someone else to the level he is to Barry? Since it's an obsession from his childhood, I imagine it would be hard to replicate, but I would love to see how his character plays out with others outside of the Flashfam, as much as I love them already

Hey! Welcome back! And you are very welcome~! I hope it was helpful to you lol

Excellent question! To really properly answer this, I'd like to briefly break down Eobard's relationship with Barry, if you don't mind! Now, for characters like Eobard and Barry, trying to accurately and fully explain in depth their dynamic in just a paragraph or so is basically nigh impossible lmao. These two just have such a rich and multilayered relationship that I can really only give you the bare Cliff Notes lol. Also, I just want to apologize because uhhh. I get really kinda rambly here haha oops

Okay so, let me first preface this what exactly the core of Eobard's whole character is: Love.

Eobard just wants to be loved. That's it. That is the root of everything he does.

To explain, we gotta go all the way back to Eobard's childhood. From what we see in the comics, Eobard is a very abused and neglected child. His parents wanted a gifted and successful child so they handpicked all his skills and made him very good looking. Unfortunately, they didn't get the memo that they still had to actually show love to their child for him to be successful. Ignored and shunned by his parents, baby Eo was very depressed and extremely desperate for any kind affection/attention. That's when he discovered the Flash. And I think the fact that it was Barry specifically played a major factor in his obsession with him.

Of course the Flash is very important to Eobard but something deeper that really resonated with him was Barry's ultimate pureness and unconditional love and compassion.

Eobard looked at Barry and saw someone who would love him unconditionally and without hesitation. In every sense, Barry really is pretty much the only thing that got Eobard through the dark times in his young life. The older he got, the more and more his parasocial relationship with Barry and the Speed Force began to consume him.

Eobard is very capable of love. The problem is, he's never been taught how to actually express it in a healthy, normal way so he lashes out, violently and obsessively. Because that's the only way he knows how. I think he definitely, on some level, recognizes that he is unlovable that's what drives people to reject him. To deal with this, he just retreats back to his fantasy; "Barry would understand, Barry would love me."

Sooo, yeah, you can imagine when the fallout eventually happened, you can see why it would utterly break him, emotionally and mentally.

To answer your question of if he would be able to love someone on the level he loves Barry, I would say definitely no lol.

Barry is just so, SO deeply intertwined with Eobard at this point that you can't really tell where he begins or Barry ends. It also has a lot to do with his obsession being formed during the most vulnerable and formative years of Eobard's life. Even if you hard set restarted the universe, these two would always have a cosmic connection with each other that you just can't erase.

As for other people, he is shown to have definitely gone back into other peoples' past and altered them drastically to suit his needs, ex: Hunter and August. But it's really only just more or less the one time and for certain reasons like he either wanted to manipulate events to play out a certain way (Hunter) or because he also saw a little too much of himself in them and was extremely jealous of their relationship with Barry (August). But honestly, most of the time when Eobard interacts with others, it's always either because he joins a supervillain group or he just happens to run into them coincidentally (like with Hal, the Justice League, Wally, etc)

Except for Thomas Wayne. Specifically the Flashpoint version.

I know I already talked about him but his and Eobard's relationship is really kind of unique and bears going more in depth.

Long story short, their whole thing started in Flashpoint, when Thomas killed stabbed him through the back. Then, in the Button storyline, after Eobard is revived (by the power of gay) and broke out of prison, he decides to immediately go and rough Bruce up as a kind of "gotcha" to Thomas. In the middle of their fight, he comes across Thomas's letter to Bruce and then he just?? Starts waxing poetic about "Oh Thomas, Thomas, did writing this make you feel better? As you burned with your world?" etc and it's like b r u h

This is literally the only interaction you had!! You just beat him up, mocked him and then he killed you. Why are you acting like you suddenly have a deep history together asjdgfsKJLGK

And it doesn't stop there. In a one off comic Tales From The Dark Multiverse Flashpoint, Barry dies and so to cope with this, Eobard tries to turn Thomas into his very own "Eobard Thawne", a ruthless stalker who would obsess over him. Because in Eobard's mind, to be obsessed over is the same as being loved, it means attention. Which is, notably, pretty much exactly what he wants from Barry. In the end, Eobard even went so far as to give Thomas a gift, what he so desperately wanted: his son and his family back. Whether Eobard did this out of any kind of sense of generosity or a more selfish motive is up for debate but it definitely says a lot.

In a following comic that's a prequel to the Button storyline, we see Eobard actually saves Thomas from the death of the Flashpoint universe and pulls him into the main timeline.

This is really significant because who else do we see Eobard go through this much effort to torment them? That's right--Barry. Now, of course Thomas isn't close to being on Barry's level in Eobard's eyes, far from it. But it's really clear that Thomas has become such a fixated point of interest for Eobard. By pulling Thomas out, Thomas essentially becomes a paradoxical being, and I think Eobard is really fascinated by that. He really likes having someone else on the same playing field as him. It's like Eobard, Barry and the other speedsters are playing a game of invisible chess which pretty much everybody on Earth is oblivious to, except for Thomas. Thomas is the only non speedster who actually knows the scores.

Could you argue that Eobard is just doing all of this for revenge? Sure, I suppose you could. But knowing how Eobard works, it doesn't feel quite accurate to just leave it at that. There's just too many little hints and cues of Eobard's love languages at play to just ignore that. Also like, Eobard doesn't like talking about his (true) feelings hardly ever, instead he wraps them up and disguises them with pretenses. He will say one thing while doing a completely different thing, a lot of times you can't take Eobard's words at face value.

As it is, Thomas seems to have become pretty synonymous with Eobard to the point now, whenever you see Flashpoint Thomas, it's very safe to assume that a certain yellow rat isn't too far behind~

I definitely agree with you~! I also absolutely love seeing Eobard interacting with other characters outside his scope of obsession, but sadly, Eobard doesn't really? Have much in the way of dynamics with other characters, as he really doesn't do people and people also tend to kinda hate him? But! There are a few exceptions, off the top of my head:

Eobard and the Rogues from the Justice League animated comic

Eobard and Poison Ivy's interaction from the Injustice 2 game (bow chica bow wow)

He and Superman actually have a brief but really poignant moment in the Tales From The Dark Multiverse

He and Al Desmond also had a brief partnership in the Sliver Age comics which basically consisted of Eobard mind controlling and pressuring Al into a life of crime, but I did definitely get the vibe that Eobard liked him--tho again, he has a very horrible way of showing it LOL

Also in the Silver Age, he had a brief dynamic with Star Sapphire (not Carol tho unfortunately) He was very flirtatious with her (he was like that with a lot of other women too--which definitely comes back to him being desperate to be loved) Anyway, uh wow, I didn't mean for this to be this long?? LOL If you'd like more concise, shorter answers in the future, just lemme know~!

[soullessjack]

something i was thinking about at work is jacks insecurity about being a burden to the Winchesters + Cas and how much that fits into the autistic lens of his character. obviously it starts with the fact that Sam and Dean were essentially forced into taking care of him at first because of the circumstances surrounding. Literally everything. but it goes beyond that all the way to jack just being what he is and that being inherently dangerous.

for one thing, the bunker (Jack’s only beloved home ever)

initially, the only reason sam and dean agreed to take Jack back to the bunker at all was to safeguard the public from his then-uncontrolled powers, and in last holiday mrs butters also suggests that they’re only keeping him there so he can’t destroy anyone else like he did mary (which jack doesn’t even fight against so.. maybe he’s fine with it being that way?)

then when you come to jacks powers themselves:

they are fundamentally [part of] what makes him different. they’re part of what makes jack dangerous. he can’t have public meltdowns or show extreme anger (or even any frustration, really) without there being consequences — the consequences of someone else getting hurt-or-worse by him, and him being perceived more negatively & fearfully each time it happens. those consequences are just added to the burden jack feels he brings to his family, which breeds guilt and frustration in jack for how he feels he’s affecting them and disappointing their expectations.

this in turn is why jack is so abrasive whenever the guys try to comfort or reassure him. it’s rejection sensitive dysphoria with a little more C4 to it, basically. and speaking from my own experiences, when you’re constantly in a state of low self image or rejection sensitivity, it creates a cycle of eggshell walking and people pleasing—putting all of your focus and energy into managing the feelings of others because you assume the slightest slip-up will make them upset or disappointed or even hate you.

you react to the idea of being rejected before it even happens, and even if it doesn’t happen, because at the core of it all you already perceive yourself in a rejective way.

and that’s exactly what happened between jack and mary after he tortured Nick.

after he’s done, jack turns to mary, ‘flushed with pride’ and grinning about what he did. it was cathartic and sickeningly enjoyable to do. but when he sees the horror on her face as she just says “what did you do?” his pride ‘curdles to shame.’ he’s already sensing rejection for what he’s done, and tries to justify it to mary, and somewhat console her; Nick was a killer who deserved it, and Sam and Dean would’ve been grateful for his death. if Mary thinks something is wrong with him for what he did then she’s the one who’s wrong, actually.

mary (honestly god bless her for still being sympathetic & patient with jack after that) just gently tries to tell him: “something’s wrong. it’s not your fault. you just need help and we’ll help you because you’re family and we love you,” but all jack hears is “something is wrong with you and it scares me. YOU scare me. I’m going to tell the others that something is wrong with you and they’ll be scared of you, too.” **

I don’t think i need to explain in-depth how jack loves his family a very normal and healthy amount, but suffice it to say that he’s established to have a deep fear of, and inability/unwillingness to accept, losing them. he can’t think about it because he hates thinking about it. he’d do anything for them (like self sacrifice or slowly burning a man alive) and to be with them again (like necromancy and unleashing biblical plagues upon nonbelievers).

so when jack perceives that the Winchesters would reject/hate/fear him because of what he did to nick—because there’s something wrong with him—he starts spiraling right there, and he can’t accept that Mary still loves him and wants to help him; he doesn’t even think he can be helped. he can’t deal with any of the rejections he’s perceiving and just wants to be left alone…..

I was going to try and reroute this post back to the whole burden thing, but it’s 3am and I’m losing my train of thought. TLDR i just think it’s very autistic for jacks nature to be narratively framed as both a burden and a threat and also something that just wants to be loved for what it is even though it knows it’s difficult ……. yeagj

**additionally i think he does the same when Rowena refuses to help but I’m getting too sleepy to write that in

Goodnight everypony (<__>)

[thefoolishone666]

The Shadows of The Critters

Today, I will be going over each of the Smiling Critters and what their shadows are in my AU. But let's make sure everyone here is at least close to the same page.

Before we begin, I am going make this clear, these shadows will be connected to some bad imagery...Mostly Dogday cause of course it is him. While some of these may not be bad, I am still under my own opinion to make sure everyone knows what they are getting into just in case. With that said, this post will have a few topics that can trigger some people, as minor as they are. So keep that in mind just in case.

Now then, what is a Shadow? A shadow is basically the suppressed self. These can be some dark thoughts, your fears. Basically, they are a part of yourself that you don't want to face. Maybe a truth you reject, a darknparts of yourself you despise, maybe even truama that is unresolved. There is a lot more to it than that, much of which, I am not smart enough to explain in an easy way to understand, but that is the basic idea of what shadows are in a nutshell.

The critter to be hit by our truama beam will be our favorite split dog, Dogday. A prisoner of fear. The wardens of which will be anyone and everyone he makes a connection with. His shadow body always gains a chain whenever he gets close to a person, always threatening to tear off the part that it is connected to his body. Now, his body is covered in the wounds cause by the chains pulled by those that hurt him before, who normal Dogday would call a friend, and bandages to help cover them up from the world to prevent it from seeing them all.

Next up on the choping block is our boy Kickin. Driven by the lost of his dear sister, his shadow is driven by a deep rage that refuses to end. Carrying a bag of souls that he wishes to end when given that chance to do such a thing. Always angry, always fighting, always hurting those that would hurt others. His soul demands payment for what they took from him.

Hoppy's drive to win is admirable, but her desire to win was also a short coming for her. Her tunic was almost a sickening yellow with a golden laurel wreath adorned on her head, all while scars of many an injury covered her body. Her calm mask hid her deep wrath whenever she gets a place unfit for royalty. She must obtain victory for people to stay. No one likes a failure after all.

Picky always gives, so she never has the urge to take. She fears how much she will take. Her shadow knows the fear the most. A painfully thin zombie compared to her healthy plump self, she offers parts of herself so others must not starve or suffer due to her selfishness.

Bubba sacrificed much to get to the position he was at. He sacrificed his integrity when he made that deal with the teacher, he sacrificed his old friends so he could concentrate on getting a good job, and he even turned his back on his parents wishes, purely because he knew what they wanted deep down. His life became mechanical, losing bits of his soul as he continued down this path. An unfeeling, logic based robot. That was what he was. His shadow proved such a thing. What was once human was now gone, for it would lead to the best future, or so he thought.

Catnap was evil. He knew that. Why he was, remained a mystery to him. He chooses to look away and instead goes to live a happy life, to pretend he didn't do anything wrong, but he was not a good cat. His shadow knew that. A blindfold over two very dark, very evil eyes, a blade always in hand to make him pay for the crime he has committed. If no one knows you did the crime, the only one to become judge, jury, and executioner will be what little good rests in your soul.

Bobby dreads the idea of being alone. She has done many things to get people to stay. Money, crime, even nearly hurt others, not that many people know that. Her soul was trapped in a show without an end, a puppet forced to dance and do what others demand. Strings holding her up always, despite her wanting to be free and do what she wants, she was forced to move the way others would be the most entertained by. A ballerina stuck in a dance of sorrow and pain, if only to insure another day with others around her.

Finally, there is Craftycorn. A great artist, and more than enough to prove that in many of her pieces... but what is it all for? When she was gone, what would these pictures mean? Her shadow's appearance says it all. In time, a statue would crack, and moss would eventually grow over it, parts now chipped away from time. A living statue slowly being destroyed over time, it's maker's name lost, and now without a legacy.

All these shadows torment and equally are tormented by their real-world counterparts. May it be because of lack of closure or their desire to overcome this issue of their's bug can't for some reason or another. In time, though, the shadows return to a much better form and heal with the normal versions of themselves.

[failing-to-write-again]

Does anyone else have vastly different appearances in their head for you in the different routes? Like I day dream a lot, like a lot a lot it's why I post sometimes it's when the fear overrides the need to word vomit.

TW: mentions of abuse, depression and just general fucked up. It's the diaboys there's only so much you can avoid mentioning

Ok so I'm gonna write out a brief description of what always stays the same in these day dreams. I play around with them being human or something else, normal or like assassin's or stuff like that. But there's a few things that generally stay the same. They're all Afab, with she/her pronouns just because I create women a lot in my head but you could easily gender swap them as I'm focusing on personality and general vibe the appearance I describe I think is easily able to fit on different genders or have a same vibe equivalent.

Shu

I've always felt Shu would match well with someone who deals with depression or anxiety, more so less severe cases as two sleep all the time to avoid having to face life people do not make healthy relationships. But someone who has some degree of understanding while also having a better hold of themselves as humans are getting better at learning how to help manage depression. Shu is old and I'm pretty sure he's not bothered to learn much about the modern world aside from sleep/comfort, music (that's a stretch mp3s are not used as much as phones also that bitch would absolutely be a waterproof wireless earphone hoe), and probably porn.

I think a natural leader type person would also suit. I know in theory it sounds antithetical to the s/o with depression but hear me out. I deal with depression but also due to my own personality step into organized positions as I want things done to avoid stress. I really see an oldest sister would match him as it's someone modeling behaviors that to the best of my knowledge Shu was never against having. It was Reiji rejecting him and the triplets being kept away from him that prevented that dynamic setting itself up. I really think if an s/o could get Shu to work on himself he would be trying to be more brotherly. I think out of all the brothers Shu and Subaru are very likely to have a happier relationship with everyone. But they don't have the tools and are too stepped in their ways to navigate without help.

I think they would have to meet in school or something outside of being a sacrificial bride, maybe an actual exchange student with strict instructions of no harm coming to them. Diaboys set up a pretty unhealthy dynamic and since they go cruelty first, then fuck up so bad then realize they're in love that the types that would benefit them "best" would be gone or killed already.

Someone with a good sense or sarcasm would be great for Shu too. Couples who laugh together stay together. Plus a match for teasing would probably be something that leaves a grin on his face all day long.

Shu: "You should really wear a longer skirt in school, or do you want me to look up your skirt as you walk past. Heh, lewd woman"

S/o: [as they walk past] "Why risk breaking uniform code when I can just wear nice underwear under it instead, then I get two benefits"

S/o: [stopping just before turning down a corridor] "There's no rant from Reiji for breaking code and you end up showing off how desperate you are. Lewd man~"

Shu: [in love]

I don't think any super genius level of intelligence is needed but someone with a rounded view on things and a someone who is at least vaguely informed about what they talk about would be good. It avoids the annoyance of someone dense but also isn't so book focused it reminds him of Reiji.

Reiji

Speaking of the spectacled suitor. S/o has gotta be smart in some capacity not necessarily an encyclopedia but maybe good at Chemistry/Biology, or a good strategist. Bitch aims to be a control freak and a future king or, route depending, advisor to the King, so battle tactics would be attractive.

He'd be into the type of woman who doesn't overtly dress sexually. Pencil skirt or pants and blouse with some heels are a great look and can be sexual when you want to be sexual but also just well put together when you aren't looking to get railed on a desk. Except, of course, for when he decides to get handsy he realizes you decided to forgo any underwear.

Nipple piercings. He's definitely into them you can't fool me it's all that hidden succubus energy he finds attractive in a partner.

Past that he wants someone who isn't going to stress him out, someone to be a voice of reason, and someone to relax with.

I think someone chatty could be either great or awful for him. On the one hand he seems so adjusted to over stimulation true silence may unsettle him but at the same time it may annoy him if he isn't interested in conversation. Same for the other side of the coin, someone too quiet would unsettle him cause he won't know what your thinking, but at the same time it might be nice to sit in silence and read.

I've always thought Reiji would want someone tall like 5'10-6'00 as they can't be taller then him because inferiority complex, but I firmly believe he's got a back that is prone to aches already so not having to bend far for kisses or hugs would be nice. Or better yet someone shorter than him but still tall for a woman, so wearing heels gets here to be like 5'11" to 6ft.

Reiji does like humor and spontaneity sometimes. I think a stiff lover would drain him, nobody wants to actually date themselves. Again the older sister type (stereotype I know) would suit, as generally older sisters are pushed to mature fast like he was, except generally it's not as severe as him and older sisters are statistically the most likely to have read about or been to therapy to undo some of the behaviors that aren't as healthy.

[Loud music or something playing]

Reiji: [going to stand up] I swear can nobody keep order in this house...

S/o: [Gently touches his hand] They've yet to make a crash and it's coming from Ayato's room. I say we turn on the record player to drown it out for now. It's not your job to be their dad Sweetness, and all your doing is giving yourself grey hairs

Reiji: [sitting back down] I suppose I could finish this chapter-

[CRASH]

S/o: [quickly stands up and starts to walk to the door, lots of heel clicking] I swear that boy has to ruin every quiet moment I can grasp for us. Wait there.

Reiji: [feels very loved for and is confused as to why that gave him a boner]

I don't think he'd enjoy a dom much but a switch who prefers to sub but isn't against them taking a more gentle lead (not the kinky shit he's into I don't think you'd actually get a whip near him in a healthy relationship).

Ayato

This bitch is tricky. Like I think with the except of Subaru the Sakamakis get worse the younger they are. I feel that's why the triplets never appealed to me they seemed harder to redeem. I could see Shu, Reiji, or Subaru potentially getting better with Reiji least likely but the triplets are... messy.

That being said I think Ayato is definitely going to have to be a least a little bit on the road to being more balanced by the time he meets this s/o.

An s/o who is modern would definitely appeal in my opinion. Video games, outfits, music all that good culture stuff that Ayato is a spectator not a player in right now. He is still old as shit and he hasn't got non...any friends so he doesn't have a lens to learn the culture, all he can do is watch.

Ayato is one of the highest sex driven characters in the games (he sleeps with Yui the most because it uses the underwear sprite almost every time they sleep together indicating it ain't just dreaming happening) I think that may be part possessive part teenage boy. So someone with an interest in partaking is probably important for drive balance. To be clear I don't necessarily mean sexy here, more so that giddy first time giggles type person. Someone who's excited to experience things with him.

That extends past the bedroom too Ayato was starved for activity as a child and is still as a teen so someone who knows what's fun and is happy to take him there is like perfect.

I do think Ayato's s/o will need to be a patient person as I feel Ayato going through therapy would mean a lot of breakdowns or tension in him that could lead to more arguments than potentially needed if they ain't a little patient for the smaller things. There is a difference between 'he demanded I make him Takoyaki then sulked when I reminded him we're equals in this partnership so I'll avoid escalating ' vs 'he has bitten me for talking to a guy, but to him that's just a display of love.' The second thing deserved a conversation then and there you don't avoid rocking the boat when it comes to dangerous behaviors folks.

[See Ayato with a hairbrush sitting cross legged with S/O in his lap] Ayato: So we don't like Jacob...

S/O: Well, Edward isn't exactly a catch himself but like c'mon he imprinted on a baby. Ayato: Beatrix and him were engaged from birth. S/O: Exactly.

Laito

Oh boy. Again needs to be starting therapy or unraveling what his mum did to him and what his culture has shaped him to be first.

Once done however I think Laito would want someone "normal." No baggage, or crazy lifestyle, or wacky habits. I think he craves something calm when everything has been so disordered growing up. I think it's why he likes crosswords, they're a weirdly normal thing in his weird world.

I think he needs someone with a lower sex drive then he displays in the games. A not uncommon trauma response from childhood sexual assault is hyper sexuality which seems to be why Laito is hyper sexual. I don't think that's him as a person, Shu would be high sex drive in how he talks but Laito seems very much to be shielding himself with sex not having sex for sex.

So yeah someone who isn't always in the mood, maybe they sleep naked but just because they want skin on skin contact. Maybe it's to feel his breathing better. But that sort of environment. Where the thing he's over sexualized: himself and women, become less sexual more intimate. He'll be thrown a bit at first 100%. But I think after cuddling while having his hair gentle played with or a shoulder rub he'll be welcoming this new part bodily expression.

Laito is smart, smarter than he gets credit for he's a manipulator with charisma to boot and I've tried a crossword they use a certain part of your brain that I do not use. I think he'd like someone who's not too dense but also I feel like he won't mind too much so long as they could hold conversation and read sarcasm.

He also would probably love a more modern s/o like Ayato. Imagine the shopping sprees!

S/O: [coming out of changing room] I'm really not sure about this dress on me Laito: It's the shade it clashes with your undertones, try it in a different colour. S/O: They don't have it in my size, that sucks. Laito: Why? fufu~ It's Chanel, she was a vampire just take a picture and I'll get the designer over to make you one tailored made. S/O: Are you sure? I don't know how close I want you being stuck to your dad, and all the weirdness you've mentioned. Laito: Oh please, as if he's bothered enough about the fourth in line.

Kanato

This one's hard man. Kanato, Ruki, Kou, and Azusa are some of the hardest to envision in a healthy spot tbh. So this Kanato is very ooc. Think: isn't talking to teddy even if he still carries it, has a better hold on his temper, isn't trying to kill you constantly... basically just not Kanato.

A baker or a cook would absolutely appeal, dates where they show him how to cook new treats could be fun. Also top tier tea parties man.

Potentially a singer, musician, or dancer could appeal as well with the shared interest of singing being there. If the jealousy Kanato has gets weakened a bit I think that could help him get past his "I sing cuze mum liked it" thing.

I also truly think Kanato is like Laito in wanting something normal after all the abnormal he's lived through.

sorry he's so short I seriously don't know what to write. I also do not want to curse you all with mega ooc Kanato discussion

Subaru

Subaru is by far the closest to being the same amount of traumatized some people I've met irl are. Issues still there with the whole punching walls in anger but the fact he seems to punch walls to avoid hurting people implies he is trying to work on himself but doesn't know how.

Subaru could meet his s/o as a sacrificial bride and I think he's the only one who could. If I remember his route correctly, he isn't nearly as sadistic in the reasoning for his biting, hes also like what 15, 16 looking? He is modelling the only behavior he's seen, and while that doesn't make it right it is less heinous than the others.

I feel the most profound importance for this relationship is someone who will not shout, someone with a healthy enough up bringing to view arguments as Subaru approaches them as entirely useless. He will probably still have tantrums at first but having someone entirely unwilling to let communication break down on their end will push Subaru to do the same.

Subaru also does not seem to actually want much at all. He just wants a break, poor thing. If the S/O were to be a sacrificial bride, I think he'd be the one to pull a run away. I don't see Karl caring much here, Subaru is just a consequence of his vile habits as far as Karl is concerned.

From there I do think it's just a normal therapist and probably turning the S/O to a vampire.

[S/O and Subaru in some nice meadow resting on a blanket by a stream. Think flowers everywhere under a gently warm sun.] S/O: I've successfully lasted a week without accidentally breaking anything! Subaru: HAHA! Well done but don't go expecting any prizes I could do that shit. S/O: Fair, your 3 year pin is coming up to. We should probably do something for it. Subaru: Well... there is one thing... [getting up to one knee]

Ruki

oh look what we have here. An endgelord.

Seriously Ruki infuriates me from a character point at times. They are meant to be somewhat foils to the Sakamakis, and for Ruki in particular his behavior is a mirror to Reiji and his ego is closer to Ayato but with Reiji type mannerisms.

So he likes reading, came from nobility but saw the absolute worse of humanity to then re-find a reason to care for others with his brothers. Ok cool, then he dies in an attempt to escape to then have Karl take pity on him and revive him as his subordinate. SO WHY DOES HE HATE POOR PEOPLE!?

Like whenever I sit down to think about it Ruki's sheer cruelty lines up with nothing other than abused children turn into abusers which is a dog-shit and wrong opinion. Like he doesn't have to be pally, he can be a kuudere, he can be jaded. But having him be so sadistic just makes him what he hated, a spoiled rich man taking joy in using his power over others.

But this is about suited partners. So for this fucker I prescribe what he wishes he was. Now this is the material worth much more work and maybe it will get that, I am currently uncertain.

So, let's be real that orphanage still existed after the Mukamis. So my little world I've made with all that maladaptive day dreaming I do. In that world just to show Ruki as not as above everyone as he thinks, his soulmate type S/O as well as some if not all the other S/Os were there either at the same time or sequentially. Ruki got his escape plan from the work of a girl he viewed as too stupid to pull it off, aka S/O. When the boys escape obviously torture happens to see if anyone knows anything, and the boys failed the escape. This is used by the S/O to advise her sisters to change course slightly.

They do escape and Karl realizes very quickly he got the less advantageous group in terms of strategy. He would more than likely approach these girls, maybe they stay human for quite a while but eventually do need to be turned for the pure sake of time.

So Ruki gets introduce when he comes to visit Karl to update on the whole Eve thing only to see S/O. Standing there talking with Karl as if you're equals as he's laughing at some comment. Karl introducing them as his right hand man so to speak. Seeing that you get to live with Karl and you glaring.

After some prodding due to jealousy causing him to take out his insecurities on you in the form of unwanted commentary, you snap. You openly call him out on his failings, how you are what he wishes he was and how you don't masquerade as the same tormentors that made both your childhoods hell.

Eventually (I'm not giving a whole slow burn fic away for free people), he gets whipped something bad. Having to face the fact that he is exactly what he judges in humans so much. I don't imagine many would forgive him, hence why S/O to me cannot be anyone other than such a strong person to have survived and still be so openly kind.

No dialogue here so I can pretend these all got fair treatment.

Yuma

So big boy farmer. His sadism doesn't fully track with me same as Ruki but Yuma has more redeeming character traits that offset the cruelty. He also seems to truly only carry out the Eden project due to loyalty to Karl, he is a fiercely loyal person.

As said for Ruki I love the idea of the Mukami S/Os being sisters from the orphanage. Yumas S/O would probably also have a strong sense of loyalty to Ruki's S/O. The main exception being her loyalty to Karl does not cause her to be in any way sadistic. While Karl is fully ready to drop kick a child the S/O does not see that behavior appropriate at all regardless of her vampire-ism.

Having to deal with pining for a girl who will not date him as he currently treats women may cause him to change for the sake of placating her sure. But once identities are revealed and Yuma learns that the reason the S/O is so anti-cruelty is due to the orphanage I think Yuma would be one of the ones more open to change. Like Ruki, the reflection isn't so nice once the glass was polished.

He just wants a farm and probably kids or dogs lets be real here.

Kou

Once again an edgelord. Who doesn't at all understand give and take as much as he harps on about it. I may have low enough standards to crush on these boys but a hypocrite is TOO LOW.

I'm sounding like a broken record here but a fellow orphan escapee S/O as the vector for Kou getting called out on his bs is great.

Also full on enemies to lovers vibes. One little head canon is what if the S/O at the request of Karl gave up an eye, the eye then enchanted for Kou. Having to stand across from someone who will not buy the excuse of his trauma being an acceptable reason to harm others. Because you lived through it all, if not worse and still gave up an eye free of charge because Karl had this protegee who was so sad about not having two eyes.

I think Kou's love would not start until near a century after. Having to see you again and again after the introduction, seeing how you and your sister's are Karl's jewels as you are so effective because of your humanity. He's prone to envy let's be frank.

But once he opens up to the fact he could change and be like you, maybe after having to work with you, he begins to warm up to it all.

Azusa

Azusa is one like Kanato that I am unsure if I know how to treat.

The love of pain of his would put so much emotional labor on an S/O that just isn't fair. The only relationship I would feel comfortable writing on would be a post therapy and self work Azusa who doesn't make masochism his main personality trait.

He is gentle in disposition so a gentle S/O would match well. Or maybe an extroverted S/O to bring him out his shell a bit, post masochism recovery.

Yeah if any Azusa fans read this and have ideas please write you own and sent it to me I am really curious of seeing this from the perspective on someone who has a connection to him.

[hauntingjasper]

headcanons about Marshall's relationship with his mother?

I sometimes wonder what Gumball would be like meeting her... I wonder what she would think of him

(Sorry my english is terrible)

I love your art <3

Aww thank you so much!! 🫶

I don't have a headcanon list this time, just a big ramble about what I think happened to them based on the crumbs from the How To Warrior book and my made up sources 🫴

I think Marshall Lee was a huge mama's boy as a kid, he was her evil little baby who'd torture demons left and right just to make her proud, and her constant encouragement of his cruelty made him strive to be an evil lord just like her.

But as Marshall got older, he started to get annoyed because it was the only thing she talked about with him, perhaps? And also something about wanting independence and questioning parental authority when you reach the teenage years mmmmmmm something like that.

His mother kept pushing her own agenda on him, and he was starting to reject it because he wanted to do his own thing, already creating conflict and some distance between them. I imagine Marshall Lee also started sneaking out of the Nightosphere after that. He wanted to see the world beyond rivers of blood and screaming demons. He was bored and annoyed enough at his mother's demands, and needed time for himself. And he was already somewhat familiar with Ooo because his mother took him there during his early childhood, if she got suspicious, he could just say he was burning someone's crops and poisoning their water, I dunno

Howeveeeer... I think that on one of those outings he got into some big trouble, like being turned into a vampire and simply not telling his mother, while she began to question why he was getting paler/grayer(??) and not eating anything other than demon's blood... Like, okay, that part wouldn't bother her so much (in fact, she would think he was doing it like the good old days) but I think at one point she'd be like "Why don't you eat the food I make for you with all my love and evil anymore, what's up >_>"

Congratulations, 🎉 it's a half vampire! 🎉 (she's not happy)

This probably triggered a big argument between them, they were both really frustrated with each other, and they literally live in hell, you can't expect these people to deal with conflict in a healthy way. Marshall Lee just decided to leave, he didn't want to deal with any of this anymore and he was spending more time in Ooo anyway. His mom didn't stop him.

I think Marshall Lee would be more spiteful so they still have a strange and awkward relationship. She can act as "friendly" as she wants, he won't budge. Also I don't think he would find out that she purposely distanced him from his father to try to mold him into the next lord of the Nightosphere. At first. Maybe. If he did, that would destroy the little relationship they still had.

I haven't thought much about a meeting between her and Gumball, but I think she'd pull a Hunson and a "So this is your boyfriend huh >_> Can you still have kids with him tho <_<" kind of scenario would happen in this universe too

Like yes mother he can but can you not talk about it like he's not in the room YOU JUST MET HIM-

I don't think his mom would be homophobic before anyone wonders, but she'd at least question what was going through her son's head because Gumball is, at first glance, the complete opposite of Marshall.

Not only that but I think that Marshall Lee would've gone through a phase in his life where he wanted nothing to do with love and relationships because he's an "oh so evil demon and he'd be making a fool of himself if he ever thought about getting into someone's affections just like that" (which may or may not have resurfaced for a while after two awful breakups), but then he shows up with a boyfriend and he's really clingy to him... Y'know that scene from Deadpool 2 that's like "I'm just surprised anyone would date you, especially Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony"? That's it 😭

I think that's all I can think of right now, thank you for the ask 🫶

[bittrlys]

I don't hate the main cast of tdp but dam do I think the series has a lot of wasted potential for them.

Yeah this is gonna be a rant and a long one at that so sorry and a warning here.

Rayla: there was so much potential rayla that all gets diminished in the series in my opinion at least. For example rayla is pretty discriminatory towards humans but that's not addressed or brought into light as much as it is when its Callum being discriminatory towards elves. I wanted to know more about raylas moonshadow culture and how that heavily influenced her actions in leaving Callum for two years, I wanted to see what she was doing in those two years, why did she come back if she didnt find viren, what are her views on her being ghosted and having her only living father figure ghost her as well, what are her views on runaan or her anger towards her parent or her fears in having to deal with what might happen to Callum and his possessions or her fears of water (I absolutely hate how that was fully conquered off screen) or how she can be hypocritical at times but the narrative doesn't acknowledge it properly or ever. (I hate the fandoms perception of morally upstanding rayla and the prescription that rayllum is a healthy ship when it isn't and it lacks communication so badly it makes me want to cry)

Callum: he also had so much potential like I hate how we don't see much of callum's views on being an orphan, him maybe getting jealous at rayla for having parental figures that are alive, or his feelings towards runnan (they're touched in a comic but not the show and I hate that even more), or how he wants to keep everyone he cares about close to him and fears losing them, or how much of an over thinker Callum truly is, or how he could of had a proper arc with aaravos where he sees how humans were mistreated during history, or him interacting with ezran a lot more or how Callum has an interesting amount of Parallels with characters he kind of hates like runaan, finnegran and viren+Claudia. Sure Callum gets a lot more justice done within the narrative but the bar is in hell for that (also your last ask post explained perfectly well why I hated how the show handled rayla dismissing callum's worries)

I don't know a lot of callum's and rayla's arc very much center eachother to the point that there is no substance outside of what they both serve to rayllum .

Soren: probably handled really well but the way his arc was done so dirty in season 4 made me cringe like why put him in PJ's and make him a joke for such important character events?!?! I wanted to see a proper Soren reaction to Viren being alive, I wanted to see guilt eat him away at the state Claudia is in, I wanted to see him have conflicted feelings when it came to Viren and Claudia how he rejects them but also just wants a family or wants them back, I wanted to see the true breakdown of sorens character and how he uses humour as a way to cope or try to soften situations. I wanted soren to maybe play a role in Claudia's redemption help reach out for her, I wanted someone to see Soren and the pain he is in and offer comfort. (I do think that Soren was done the koat justice out of all the main hero cast this season)

Ezran: i wanted to see a lot with ezran like how he felt towards zubeia sending assassins to kill him and king Harrow, or how he feels towards runnan (yeah it's touched upon but not in the main show) or how he struggles to take on royal duties and tries to get as much freedom as possible but fails, or how he is trying to choose wisdom and peace above all but a pacifist can't always successfully avoid conflict and must pick up a weapon at times, or how he felt about rayla leaving or Callum throwing himself into studies and changing after such an event or how he handles being an orphan. Also does ezran ever search who the orphan queen is? Are they similar? Or does ezran get blinded by hate and labels it justice? How is his relationship with Callum? It seems like ezran has become an isolated character stuck in a role that isn't built for him and being strapped of any innocence and naivety at a young age. Finally, what is ezrans connections to animals and we should of gotten a deeper dive on how that effects him or how he uses it.

Zym should talk more the dragon is a plot device and he has no arc or depth going for him

Yes, my feelings on the main heroes of the show are they're fine on paper but the execution (namely, how little consequences they face and how stark it is in contrast to the suffering of the villains who are allegedly taking 'easy shortcuts') leaves me wanting.

Something you touched on which I also dislike is important information or character beats being stored in supplementary material. If I don't want to drop a hundred plus on books I'm missing out on things that matter? Okay! My city's library doesn't stock all of them. Even through questionable means they're not all available. Yet if you never read, say, the book one novelization, you would miss out on the damning humans v. unicorns lore, and you're left frustrated at how the show discusses the topic of human suffering and denial of magic. This is why, while aware of this side lore, I prefer to keep my analysis centred on the show's presented narrative ... and then you're left going, "Why the hell is Rayla doing that?" for example.

Rayla feels frustratingly lacking in an internal life. As you said, a lot of her feelings on things are just not covered. I don't pay attention to the fandom at large (I see their Viren opinions and start composing manifestos in my head) but it's tough with female characters. They're often either idealized or vilified, and either way there's little care for their complexities. Even real fans of the character, in response to typical sexist fandom backlash, tend to be quite defensive. I've been there, I know the feeling, but. I wish there were more honest conversations about Rayla's issues and the way she treats Callum.

Callum really should have had more to do with Aaravos, I agree. He could have learned a lot and been taken to interesting places. At least when it comes to Callum, he at least has his pursuit of magic as a strong thread throughout the show and its his personal journey that has nothing to do with anyone else. It's given him one of the most notable character journeys on the hero side of things. (He's also allowed to actually suffer a bit.) Still, the "Rayla is his guiding star" thing is emblematic to the way he -- and Rayla -- are both burdened by their relationship. I'm really not an anti-ship grouch and indeed I enjoy a good Romeo and Juliet ship but maybe the emphasis needs to be on "good."

Maybe if they'd been written as an intended couple from the start of the show there would have been more thought to how their stories would have to eventually meld while retaining their characters. There's an interesting thing this season to how Rayla (who is alone in the world post-banishment) is scared of ending up like that ship's captain and not choosing love versus Callum realizing he should be less motivated by fear and instead by love and how they're almost conflicting motivations to arrive at the same conclusion (prioritizing love.) Yet the specific framing doesn't exactly work for me.

I hope now that they're together the relationship drama part of their stories is going to be over, at least for a good long while. They can start communicating better, be a cool battle couple, and focus on their own stories while supporting each other.

Soren did get the best stuff this season, I agree, and as ever, it's because Viren and Claudia carry the dramatic weight of the series so being closer to them increases the quality of a character's story. Hah. But seriously, I really disliked how much of a joke Soren has felt like and how disconnected he feels from the heroes. He's felt like a prop so letting him have real feelings again that take priority in the story is really nice.

Ezran ... yeah. Like Rayla, I feel they aren't so interested in his internal world. "Being king is hard" or "being king is noble" is so 101. It's like there has got to be more to this kid than that and espousing various morality speeches. That he's single-minded and hardheaded and intent on quietly suffering are not uninteresting traits, but I don't know, maybe he feels so flat because as you said he's very isolated. He lacks a peer to confide in. His brother's always off doing his own thing and Bait and Zym are just pets, and I don't think he'd want to put too much on his adult advisors because he's so determined to do things by himself. Possibly giving Ezran a friend that he can both communicate himself to and have fun with would help inject some life into his character. If he's not very curious about the world around him, fine, but what if his friend was? What if his friend challenged him? I think Aanya could be a decent choice for this but she has her own country to run, so.

"STOP BARKING, ZYM" should be on T-shirt. At this point it feels like they don't want us to get too attached to him as a character because Aaravos is going to ritually sacrifice him. Which would be funny!

Thank you for the ask! ♥ (I got really excited at how you colour-coded their names haha it's so cute.) You brought up a lot of points I have thought about myself. I'm going to go into more of what I want from the character's stories eventually, but reading through your message a unifying theme for me is just "we need more insight into their feelings." And unfortunately a lot of the feelings I most want explored may not reflect well on Xadia (Rayla's banishment, Callum with the history of humanity, Ezran with Thunder/Zubeia/Runaan) so they probably won't ever get into that stuff. Alas!

[hamsterwalled]

I had a whole rant about this yesterday but I have to say it again, I love how mp100 tackles rejection. I love how it subverts normal expectations and shows how mob deals with it instead of him just "getting the girl" like a lot of shows end with. I love how he handles it and he cries but he stays friends with Tsubomi and he finally deals with his emotions and he gets over her in a healthy way and he has all of his other friends and romantic relationships aren't the only thing. I love shows that tackle rejection in general. I think it's an important thing for media to do, especially since we have so many where the love interest DOES get with the protagonist. Why not show rejection and healthy ways to deal with it and show that it's ok to get rejected and the world doesn't end and you keep living and that you can develop your platonic relationship with the person instead because platonic love is just as important

[skayafair]

Episode 6 Rewatch

Well the past impression didn't lie, ep 6 is pretty heart-wrenching.

The highlights:

Want to hug Crystal, Monty and Edwin one by one and altogether 😖

Crystal because of how desperate she sounded when saying "yes I'm nothing special so LEAVE ME ALONE" - I'm not sure if she meant it or not, but the will to admit anything, no matter how humiliating it is if it means relief, that her stalker would finally fuck off, - was enough to feel for her so much. Crystal is so cool and this was such a raw scene 😭

Also her safe place that will be with her i matter what, no matter any mistakes - you just CAN'T go wrong with it, it's THIS unconditional - and is at the same time has been within her all along still makes me tear up. I lack this - confidence, acceptance, just some inner grounds to stand on. Of course I create it by the power of will and mind, but gods I wish I could have smth like this. So that final understanding - it's been inside you all along - is what does it for me. I know this scene is supposed to show the power of Crystal's ancestry, that she always has her roots and they are good and strong, and this is very important. But I come from a different background and am not really attached to both my family lines, so to me this scene was about finding the inner grounds within oneself, self-acceptance and learning to be compassionate towards oneself unconditionally. No one will give it to you (in adult life there's no such thing as an unconditional love if the relationship is healthy), you have to do it yourself first and foremost. So it was very... therapeutic.

Akso I kinda envy Charles because he got to protect Crystal and kick that demon's ass. The scene was so well-built that I really wanted to do that myself. This doesn't happen often. You go Charles! <3

Now, Monty - because of what I was talking about in my previous rewatch post, mostly him coping with rejection (badly, which is normal for a teenager even if he's a magical one and especially when he's been a crow just a few days ago and all this feelings stuff is new), finding a new light when Edwin said he still cares a great deal, the quarrel (Edwin I know why you went into a defensive mode and don't judge you for that but I'm still JUDGING ON AVERAGE who's older between you two?!) and then just... spilling all the beans to Esther while KNOWING she won't take it well. Did he feel suicidal or something? 🥹

I also want to talk about this:

But that's a topic for another post and not just about DBD.

And, finally, Edwin. Save for his immature "you're still a crow" (again, completely understandable but I'm still judging) he's been coping like a king. Having a talk with Monty (also I guess it's a parallel with how he will feel in ep 7 after his confession to Charles 🥹), telling the Cat King off (MORE angry Edwin who doesn't hold back, pls, that was A SIGHT ❤️‍🔥 I generally like it A LOT how he's gradually unwinding as the series goes, letting out his emotions one by one - fear, anger, swearing - it's a very good and not that easy to learn thing), apologizing to Crystal (and their dynamic in general, pls I like it so much), and finally gathering his courage to talk to Charles and confess his feelings, not letting any of Charles' assumptions sway him from this decision. The last one is the most raw, I was just clenching my fists and tensing all over. I know how hard and terrifying it is to admit something to your partner, your best and closest friend, to the person you treasure the most in the world - something that may make you lose them. But also Edwin was absolutely right - once you recognize these feelings, it's nearly impossible to keep them in. I did so for months and they were eating me inside out, so I can't help admiring his courage. Yes this whole situation hits very close to home for me in more ways than one, why

Another highlight is Niko's reconciliation with Jenny. I really like the way it was handled because yes, Niko was wrong to meddle and she should learn to respect others' boundaries, no, Jenny wasn't obliged to have a talk with her. But Niko is a teenager who's not that great socially-wise (and autistic-coded), she's just learning how to navigate all this, and I understand her drive to help people, to do good very well. She made a mistake with a terrible aftermath and has to learn her lesson AND to take the responsibility. And Jenny CHOSE to give her this opportunity - probably because she recognized the situation as something similar that happened to her some time in the past, onky by the looks of it there was no one there for her, so she didn't want Niko to suffer the same. This plot line is beautiful no matter what side you look at it from. It's kind, and gods know we could all use as much kindness as possible now.

The forest elemental my dear <3

Also, what does PLV 4s mean?

P.S. During this episode I started noticing Charles positively staring at Edwin. The whole Monty's entrance sequence on the roof? Charles didn't take his eyes off Edwin, it was A LONG stare. Like. Sorry bro there was nothing straight about it, and I'm not even crazy about the ship in the first place because I've been on either side of their povs and both aren't great. So I'd say I have as little bias as possible in this case and it was still NOTHING STRAIGHT. Bro. Your bi awakening is obviously waiting for you in s2 if it happens.

[eshithepetty]

SORRY FOR HOW I DISAPPEARED AGAIN. BUT I RETURN AND I BRING.. THOUGHTS....

Reply from this post

I was going to just reply to it, but, actually - no. this deserves to be its own post. Because YES!!! Yes, exactly!!!! This isn't something that I often see discussed in this fandom, if ever, but I think about it so much. I think @peepee-envy is exactly right. So much of this show is much more metaphorical than you think. All the fantastical stuff really just exists to... amplify the mundane. It doesn't really stand on its own two feet on its own. That's why we never really see the power system explored that in depth, that's why the terrorism organisation stuff is very secular in the story and doesn't affect the world more beyond its focused arcs, that's why buckwild stuff like the divine tree exists and is kind of just treated as normal, that's why the aliens just... show up, one day, and do nothing else. Those are all just footnotes. Just glass mozaics the story puts over the actual messages and character arcs to make them more colorful and fun. We already know that part of the story's presentation is changed by Mob's point of view - Tsubomi, the body improvement club and 100% carried away being the most obvious examples - so why couldn't that extend to more of this universe?

Of course, I'm not out here claiming that every fantastical and improbable thing in this story is just a projection of Mob's imagination or whatever, that would be kinda dumb and not that fun. But what is fun to me is thinking about what it could all mean!! What lies beneath the surface, what we can interpret and extract from these events! Like, as the reply above notes - the big clean up arc isn't so much about Ritsu literally going and beating the shit out of people... because, yeah, that does happen... but if we were to take it through a realistic lens, Ritsu would probably be in juvie rn lmao. No, what really matters here is the drama. Put as short as I can, it all goes like this:

There are 2 siblings. One of whom is noticeably different in how he percieves and interacts with the world, something that starts to alienate him (how do you take this to its fantastical extreme? Make him literally see the world differently (seeing spirits) and having different abilities (ESP) of course!)

Because of this alienation, there begins a rift in how this boy views himself and the traits that make him different (thus: a literal separation between mob and ???%...)

Only, these identity issues are obviously not healthy - the way he's started to reject himself is not healthy - and it, inevitably... ends with him lashing out, in a way that noone expected. And his younger brother, who had seen his brother as his role model up to that point... understandably got hurt and influenced the most. (And this being the story that it is.... that means the hurt and confusion gets made physical. Blood on the asphalt. A shadowy demon, 'something else', beneath your brother's skin)

Thus begin 3 long, suffocating years of neither of them being able to deal with it. One has decided to abandon his every desire and personality trait in the hopes that being invisible will make sure he drives noone else away ever again. And the other takes a similar page out of his older sibling's book, and hopes that by doing just what society tells him to do, being good, being quiet and nice and always accomodating to his brother, will mean he can avoid that trauma repeating. (Only, in this case - the feelings are so much more amplified, by the fact that this is not just hurt - this is death. Shigeo very much almost Murdered his little brother that day. And the both he and Ritsu are achingly aware of this.)

(But noone can bear these burdens forever.)

So eventually... the younger snaps. He's tired of upholding this image of perfection, of intelligence, of helpfulness - he feels like none of what he's done, what he's been, in the past 3 years is true, because it's all been born from fear. So when a crack appears in front of him - a chance to not do that anymore, to be someone else... he takes it. He finally lets himself be flawed. And he finally breaks down. (And in this world where he fears death and aspires literal powers with which to defend himself - this rebellion is exhagarated. He lies and cheats and hurts in the most blatant way possible. He's violent. Because in this world where he fears dying - what's a little more blood on the asphalt? He just needs to know it won't be him next. He accepts all this guilt and sinks into it because he's finally allowed to. Because for once, these feelings and destruction is something he controls. Noone else.)

(He's finally like his brother. He feels, he's finally able to understand him. He wanted psychic powers, because the time his brother fully showed his psychic powers is the time he was truly whole, and he aches to feel whole himself, too. To unmask and become something truer to himself, something that will bring him closer to his nii-san.)

And as for the other... well. There goes the whole rest of the story of Mob Psycho. Shigeo learning to open up. To find friends. To understand himself. To accept his differences. To reach out. To change people. And to finally, be able to mess up, and walk away after it - because it might feel like the worst possible thing in the world. It might feel like he's the worst person in the world, this horrible beast who's just so angry, and who can't stop hurting people, and who suddenly blames everyone around him and is destroying everything he touches as a result... but that's only because he's never allowed himself to take himself into account before. He's never seen himself before, never let himself protect himself before.... and to a person who's lived their whole life in darkness, only candlelight to guide them - the sun would feel like an apocalypse. It's only so overwhelming, because it is so to Shigeo. It's all just a representation of how he feels.

And I just think that's all so fun. It's fascinating... I love thinking about this stuff. And it's also why, I realize as I'm writing this, I've always felt that terms like 'parody' and 'deconstruction' do not 100% apply to all of mob psycho, to what it is as a series.... because, yes, there's definitely elements of both (particularly in the more actiony parts of the series). But at it's heart... it almost leans more into the logic of something like magical realism, where fantastical elements do exist - but they don't explain themselves, and they don't impact the universe they inhabit in a way that people would deem as realistic - they just are. They're there to be a set dressing, they're there to be an allegory, they're there to make it more interesting - but the story was never about them. It was about what lied beneath that fantasy. It's about the humanity of it all.

And it also just makes the story So funny. Like, yeah, guess there's a mind controlling broccoli now in the middle of the town,, why not!! One of my best friends is a green booger, and my father-uncle-brother figure is a scam psychic, and my little brother almost strangled someone to death for me, and one of my classmates want me to be a cult leader.. Also my confession to a girl Literally left 11 dead 69 injured but thats fine !! Etc. etc. I just really like that, jdhdjdhj

This is a story about how even the most special looking people are actually just as normal as anyone else; that the most ridiculous things are just a part of life, that we can find connection in the strangest of circumstances, that life and growing up is awkward and cringe and confusing and!!! It's all just normal. This is life. And I love this beatiful and weird series, with all my heart <3

[plantify]

TOONTOWN HEADCANON LORE POST THINGY NUMBER 2

(Like last time, this is also cantered around TTCC, and is mostly just me rambling like a lunatic about my headcanons.)

Topic: Toons

(This is sorta like the Toon counterpart of the Cog post I made earlier)

Basic Details

Toons are generally very silly beings, and are a very social species by nature. They come in a variety of sizes, shapes, etc.

They can be a singular species, or they can be a mishmash of different parts, there is not much limit to what a Toon can look like.

Variation in "animation style"

Their mannerisms and motion is usually akin to that of the kind of cartoons Toontown was inspired by (rubberhosey, vibrant and colorful) but there is also much variation in this as well. One Toon may move around/look like they're "animated" differently than another.

Toons are spread out far and wide, but when I say spread out, I mean it. Compared to how much of the world is inhabited by Suits, there aren't as many Toons, to the point where many Suits don't even know of their existence.

(This is largely because Toon culture/Toon subjects aren't really taught or talked about in Suit societies, both due to lack of knowledge on them, and the deliberate desire to stamp them out of public knowledge)

Regardless, there are notably other significant populations out there (think stuff like where Ducktales takes place and whatnot).

The Toons at Toontown aren't the only ones who have had to deal with the whims of Suits and their expansion, desire to take land, etc.

More Biology Stuff

There isn't really much that is concrete to the biology of Toons. Like stated earlier, they're extremely diverse and have many differences across each other.

Some might have skeletons or bones and whatnot, but whether they do or not probably wouldn't make too much of a difference.

Probably something like cartoon logic, where whatever is funniest at that moment will be true. That's probably the answer to a lot of things about Toons now that I think of it

Sillyness

Just about every Toon by nature needs to be happy to be healthy. The Laff meter is an invention that helps track a Toon's sillyness/happiness at a certain time. This is measured/quantifiable with the Laff formula. (I'm literally just making that up cause I thought it sounded funny so make of it what you will)

Laff increasing is essentially a sign of increased resistance to negativity, in a way. Not that high Laff Toons will never get sad, angry, or otherwise never feel negative emotions, but a Toon with high Laff may have a better time faring against deliberate attacks to one's happiness. Laff is generally increased by having fun, and is often boosted when experiencing that fun with someone else.

Sad or otherwise unhappy Toons often have very low Laff, whether it be that they have less than others, or that they have lost a lot of their Laff.

Some Toons are more serious than others, and may not show happiness/joy in the same way, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're a scrooge. Like us humans, (which don't exist in this world) they have wide ranges of emotions and may experience them/show them differently.

Despite this, some Toons might be edgy........... and reject happiness or something IDK why you'd willingly want to be miserable

Culture

It varies a lot. There's quite a lotta Toons of all shapes and sizes out there. Lots of communities. They all got different cultures! But they all most often share the same general traits (happiness, sillyness, helping each other out, etc. How nice.) i really dont know what else to write here.

Fin (i dont know how to end this)

:3

Previous

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[mdhwrites]

Ok, so i watched the finale, it was pretty predictable but enjoyable. But during the after cred scene, it really just solidified how aimless these characters are, Willow truly became just 'strong athlete' who serves as Hunters arm candy. She doesnt seem to give a shit about plants anymore ig? shes just 'buff' now.

Gus went straight back to 'guy who likes humans who has a group to celebrate said interest'. Amity is just... making abominations? i guess? Hunter is making palismen, which seems shoved in because caleb apparently carved.

Luz is... magic. yeah thats it. Eda is a headteacher, which feels widely out of place, but whatever. King Is. Other characters are rebuilding? i just- it feels like these characters have nowhere else to go because they just had no personal goals outside of very basic shit.

With amphibia, sasha became a child therapist, anne became a biologist who specialised in amphibians, marcy became a game designer. These are all goals that reflect their journey.

Now I want to start by saying that endings are hard and that character endings can be even harder than that. If you do a time skip epilogue, you have to somehow be able to show that all the characters are happy, successful and moving on in a way that makes sense and is narratively satisfying. You also usually have VERY little time to do this with because it's purposefully meant to be fluffy and sweet and disconnected from the rest in a way that isn't going to fit with the core of the show. The problem is that part of why this is hard is because characters are meant to be complex and their endings should reflect on the themes of the piece as well. Marcy's creativity and wonder about things blooming into a webcomic (I believe it's a webcomic and not games at least, though games works too) is great because she found a healthy way to share those passions with others and make connections through them. Anne's whole arc was learning to find the wonder in others and the strange world she was in and so her aquarium job is dead on the money. Sasha had to learn the hard way how to stop being controlling, angry and manipulative and passing those lessons on is far deeper and useful to others than anything her cheerleader base would have made you expect. It also makes it so when the show states the theme of the piece, about separation being a chance to grow and what you'll find coming back together is all the stronger, it hits SO. FUCKING. HARD. And comparing that to TOH... Well, we got effectively six character endings from what I've seen, seven if you count Lilith but hers is just more of what she was already doing as her job in the series, just now with a harpy form so I don't. Only six are meant to be any sort of final cap on their character/lives. And I'm just going to say this outright: They're not all bad. So from best to worst, with the name at the start of each in bold in case you don't care about someone, let's talk about: Hunter Amity Eda Willow Gus Luz Hunter: It's good. It's genuinely pretty damn good. That's not a joke or a setup or anything either. If Hunter's arc was about rejecting Belos to any extent, then this is a GREAT finish, even without Flapjack. After all, the part of the Isles that Belos himself most directly destroyed through his consumption, greed and wrath was the palistrom trees and palismen. Having it be that Hunter is now helping restore those elements is incredibly potent. Of course, there's also the obvious connection of Hunter and Flapjack but arguably the bird had more to do with his arc than any one character so him influencing Hunter's future just makes sense. I think it also just fits well with Hunter's character though. Watching out for people trying to steal palistrom wood uses his old soldier training but now in a constructive way, he's obviously not a very social person so the isolation is probably nice to him to get away from things and the boy has a LOT mentally to deal with. Working on regular wood while thinking about all of that is going to be a good place to release those anxieties and tensions in a good, creative manner. And for themes of identity, I think it's fine too. While Flapjack was Caleb's palisman, I don't think we ever get it confirmed that Caleb himself carved for a living or the like. That makes this genuinely something Hunter is doing himself and not because of someone else. That includes if he's doing it somewhat for Flapjack because honoring a friend is a very personal thing and very different from copying the dead. And again, frankly, the job feels very right for Hunter because it plays into his strengths rather than his weaknesses and gives him the peace he needs. No notes. Good job show. You got one. Amity: Okay, that's a little mean because Amity's is... Fine. It finally gives a point to her and her father's arc that you can't argue with through "X led to nothing" like angst about her father or the abomaton problem. There is a through line to this, especially with her abomatons. It makes narrative sense and functions.

...Except how much have those things actually mattered to her and in how long? She still rejected her father's hug in Reaching Out and didn't ask Em and Ed about him so their relationship by the end of the show still wasn't good. Escaping Expulsion explicitly said Amity was letting her grades slip so she's been at least distracted from magic for over a season at this point. Yes they claim her hair is abomination styled but it's WAY too light colored for that frankly, making it look way more pink than any sort of purple. Worse yet is that Amity's arc, besides becoming Luz's girlfriend, can be generously claimed as having a theme of becoming her own person instead of what others want of her. This technically works but clashes some by her still following in one of her parent's footsteps. She just swapped from her mother's dream to her father's passions. Now Alador never pushed her to copy him, he was neglectful after all so that would have been hard, so it still works. It is still theoretically a form of abominations that is characterized in the show by being about passion rather than simply performance with Odalia pushing the need for it to be commercial, something Amity theoretically won't care about. Frankly though, with how much her arc tries to push her caring about others, her reading to kids, there even being from what I've seen a sweet moment between her and the Collector... Why not make her a teacher or a caretaker of some sort? That's harder to portray than abomination mechanic but it fits as an ultimate capstone for going from someone who only cared about personal position, being the best and would throw away lives for her goals to someone who rejected all of that. To someone who spent their life now lifting others up and her knowledge empowered her to do that better than she otherwise could have. So Amity gets like a B. It works narratively and for the character but there's some improvement that could be done.

Eda: Oh look, a job that is going to make her absolutely miserable! That is my first thought hearing that she's a headmaster. After all, being the lead administrator is NOT the same as being a teacher. The paperwork alone is going to make her wish she was dead, much like when Tsunade became Hokage in Naruto. But that's not really what you're supposed to be thinking with it. It's supposed to be the ultimate extension of both Momma Eda in her students being her kids but also the fulfillment of Eda going from reluctant mentor to full on teacher. Which... If there were more than two episodes of the series where Eda was actually even attempting to be a mentor to Luz, that might actually mean more and that is EASILY the stronger thread being pulled here. You have to make the students into a more abstract concept for the Momma Eda theme to really fit here. What could you have done with her? I don't entirely know but I would probably have said enjoying retirement with Raine. Living a life finally at peace and without a need to hustle and bustle to fight against the curse or the system. She could have the freedom she always wanted without having to fear for her life. Having her partner by her side also makes it so you know she has family, something she spent so much of her life without. So essentially it's an ending that works from a more meta perspective but when you actually consider the events of the show and the character, it's questionable how much it fits or how 'happy' an ending it will be for her, especially when it ties her down so hard.

Willow: Okay, being fair here, from a setup perspective this actually works better than Eda's ending. Her strength is much of what defined her character, magically and physically, and she decided personally to want to go into sports in S2. Her becoming an athlete fits on both of those levels. For a character who is mostly a plot device, that's not bad.

Except it really doesn't play into anything about how she began and her resentment towards the name Half a Witch. It also has nothing to do with her plants. These elements that the show tried to claim had her seething resentment, that dominated her childhood, are ENTIRELY gone from her ending instead of reclaimed in any way. It's frustrating because it really paints that early stuff as pointless and genuinely just for Amity's sake, not Willow's and that's not great when the athletic stuff always felt tacked onto me in S2 just to give her SOMETHING to do with Hunter.

It also just continues pushing this feeling to me that despite setting up and wanting Willow to be the shy, plant girl archtype at times, S1 especially wanting her to just be willing to wilt away, SOMEONE on the writing team hates that archtype. Just wanted to surgically remove every last scrap of that from her character, regardless of if she was given the time to justify it or the like. That was frankly more okay to me with the shy element than the plant element seeing as she feels BORN to do plant magic by the fact that she was a master practically from the first time we see her use it without no training.

But here's the real reason it's below Eda: I hate her design. It's mostly fine but it's also UNFINISHED. She has one kneepad and ONE SOCK. You can make excuses for one of those but not the fucking sock and it drives me up a wall. I also don't like that the reformed Isles would still have a character like Willow having spikes on parts of her uniform for sports. Get rid of those and imply things have become gentler show. It's not like you've ever cared about keeping the Isles' identity intact before.

Gus: Here is where we go from "It functions but is maybe not good if you think about it" to "You're being way more honest than you're meaning to be show." After all, we have that cyclical aspect of Eda where Gus is returning to the start of the show but there is NO thought put into this.

If there was, if the show was willing to show that Gus had become wiser and more considerate, he wouldn't be studying humans. Not on the Isles. After all, how is he even going to do it on the Isles? Studying Luz? That feels weirdly like being friends with Bigfoot while saying you still need to find Sasquatch and prove the legends are true. Dude, maybe stop being... weird about this race you know exists properly now. It's kind of uncomfortable.

It's not even a hard thing to fix: Say he's here to see Luz off before going through the portal door with one of those glamour stones to cover his ears. He needs to go learn anthropology and the political sciences of our world in order to prepare to be a proper ambassador. That actually might have been neat.

But, you know, that would have taken any thought or care with Gus and we're lucky he was even remembered in the finale frankly. It's a flat failure though and really highlights how Gus hasn't grown and is still mostly a joke to the writers.

So then the question is... If Gus is this bad, can it really get worse with

Luz: *breathes in slowly*

*breathes out slowly*

I've been pretending to grade some of these and if that's the case, I don't even accept Luz's ending. I tell the student that they ignored what the assignment was and just copy and pasted the first paragraph of their wikipedia entry and tried to hand that in as their answer to how the MAIN CHARACTER OF THE SHOW ENDS IT. Because that is exactly the vibe of this ending.

Luz didn't grow and she sure as shit didn't learn anything. Remember: Her theme for her character arc, the worst decision to me creatively, is the fantasy she wants to live versus the consequences of that fantasy. It doesn't even matter how bad that theme is ever handled in the show because this is theoretically the largest, explicit theme of the story outside of personal expression being all that matters.

And Luz literally ends the series chasing the same dream she had at the start.

I... I don't even entirely know how to respond to that. The show, which is a kid's show remember, legitimately said that her running away from her problems to play out one of her fantasy books was such a good choice, it should be the thing she does for the REST OF HER LIFE. That it is the final, definitive note for the character that Luz the Human is going to be Luz the Witch.

And you know what? If Luz's journey to being a witch actually meant anything in the show, this might have literally any justification. If during the course of the show she had genuinely learned a lot as a person over the course of becoming a witch, if magic itself had so many rules as to require you to be a functional human being in order to use it, it MIGHT work. It's not great but it might work. Except... Remember back when I was talking about Eda? About how Eda spends two episodes teaching Luz and that's it?

Remember: Luz is like 90% why the Selkidamus is beat while on the boat. By the beginning of S2, and explicitly with Escaping Expulsion, she is already closing in on the ceiling of her powers. She already outshines most other witches to the point where the Emperor is the only person to give her a real challenge combat wise so long as the series is actually remembering to let her cast spells. Half of her glyphs aren't even tried to be connected to anything but instead, as she puts it, are found from other witch's spells randomly. They're just... There and no one else noticed somehow.

And this is what you want to say her character was leading up to? A profession that in the human realm has no transferable skills because she can't just be spinning Stringbean all the time without it being obvious and glyphs don't work in the human realm. It's actually worse in the Boiling Isles because unless she's going to get employed as a glyph master or something, she still needs a job. Everyone has magic there after all and anyone can use glyph magic with ease. You don't even need to be confident in it. Thank you Gus and Looking Glass Ruins.

It is bizarrely revealing how little thought and care was put into Luz and the themes of the show with this being how it ends. It is just, top to bottom, a failure. The only way it functions is fans of the show being happy she's chasing her dreams into eternity. You cannot think about it for even a second without some sort of question coming up.

And what else would she do? Easy. I've been saying she should have become a counselor or a therapist literally even before S2. That was just the obvious way for her to grow to me. She learns that you need to balance reality and fantasy, your passions with the demands of the world and takes up a job that lets her help kids like her find happiness and a place in their world. Either world. It would imply she understands childhood fantasies are just that, it would highlight her empathy and understanding of others and also is an amazing culmination of the theme of Fantasy versus Reality.

And instead the show's response was probably as far from caring about any of those things as you can possibly get. I don't understand it and it blows my fucking mind.

But I mean... if you want to finally drop the pretenses and just admit that your show is nothing but basic, escapist fantasy... I guess there really isn't a better ending than this, is there? =======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead, If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

[citrus-blade]

72

Victoria's Secret - Jax

AU:

Dream had been working for this all his life, ever since he was little. Exercising every day, eating as little as possible and making sure to look perfect. And now here he was, auditioning for the top designer of the last ten years, Technoblade.

The man was famour for leaving behind traditional clothing, putting man in skirts and lacey underwear and women in clothes similar to the ones of Adam Sandler. But damn did they all look amazing.

He had sent in his portfolio with his best pictures a few weeks ago and had gotten a reply only a few days back. An invitation for an official audition, showing his walk and posing in his own best outfit. The chosen outfit was a mix of different pieces of different designers.

A transparent white blouse with riffles that let through the lacey black bralette and a red lacey corset over the blouse. To that black shorts with a big bow at the back and slightly highed boots. He looked amazing, he knew it. This was the day he had worked to ever since he was small.

And he rocked that walk, it was probably the best walk he ever did with the best poses he had. People around him whispered, Techno's assistants seemed to be happy, clapping their hands and smiling widely.

But then it happened, he stood in front of them all and Techno had rejected him. Dream couldn't believe it, neither could Techno's assistants or the other models. Defeated Dream got dressed in his usual clothes, ready to get back home and cry himself to sleep.

However, when he stepped outside he notices the strong rain and with no umbrella he had no other choice but wait it out. After a few minutes none other than Technoblade left the building, walking past him. With all his courage Dream grabbed his arm, asking why Techno had rejected him.

His answer was simple, yet humiliating. Dream was simply too thin, looked too malnourished and that confused Dream. He told Techno that all his life people told him he looked too big, that he had to loose weight. Only a few months back he lost even more cause another designer told him his thighs were too fat.

Techno frowned at him, told him that it was bullshit. That society went too far with those unrealistic beauty standards which only made people sick and insecure. Dream accepted the rejection now, letting go of the designer with a defeated sigh,

But Techno kept staring at him and eventually suggested a deal. He told Dream that, when he'd gain some weigh in a healthy way, he'd let him model his next collection. As a starter Techno offered to invite him to dinner that evening and with a smile Dream accepted.

[wakeupthemembersofbylernation]

Will you stay on here if byler aren’t endgame? or just change around your blog? I’m stuck what to do because I’m still 50/50 before people come for me too it’s me putting myself into a safety net others don’t have to follow suit. I have to just incase things go south as we all deal with disappointment and emotions differently.

I mean if Season 5 dropped, Will was rejected, and Byler somehow wasn’t endgame, I personally would definitely deactivate this blog. Can’t really wake up the members of Byler nation after that lmao. No hate to those who’d keep posting like normal tho. Stay safe out there!

I know people say stuff like, “You can still ship it even it’s not endgame.” I mean, sure? You can. I’ve definitely enjoyed some ships that never became canon/endgame, and I’ll still enjoy an edit of them occasionally if I stumble onto one. But in most cases, those are either ships I never believed would be endgame, or ships where it didn’t really matter either way, and I shipped them casually. I’m personally not, like, a diehard shipper of non-canon ships. Usually my shipping aligns with the arc of the story itself. (Byler is actually no different in that regard; it’s just still theory-based until we are proven right in S5).

I’ve personally never been invested in anything like Byler before, a ship full of mystery and the feeling that history is being made. The thrill of Byler is that we really believe it will happen, that we believe the narrative is on our side, that we are finding new evidence and parallels everyday to support our conviction. We see the Promised Land even when others call us insane.

If it turned out that we were all delusional after all, and the Redditors and toxic Melvins were right, why would I stick around? (Not to mention, that’d be queerbaiting to the nth degree at this point). I’d still like Byler, but there wouldn’t be anything to root for or look forward to with the ship.

Luckily, Byler is happening. I understand being afraid of getting your hopes up and getting queerbaited. I actually think it’s a good healthy practice in general to always allow room for healthy degree of skepticism and doubt so you’re not destroyed by the worst possible outcome. There have been plenty of stories where writers pivoted in strange and illogical directions.

But I think there are way too many clues that point to Byler, too many specific things in the narrative, in the show, and in the way Mike is written that simply would not make sense without Byler. That’s why I have faith in Byler endgame. At this point, it takes more faith to believe in Mlvn endgame. It’s simple. If the writers and directors follow through on the story that they set up, Byler will happen. This is nothing like other infamous queerbait ships in history. Something has shifted. The energy is just different this time.