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good-beanswrites · 4 months

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I DM'd you a passage from the tarot cards fic. Director's commentary, please? ^_^

Ahh this was so fun, thank you so much!! Overexplaining details in a scene my beloved >:3

I wrote all my headcanons and assumptions as if they're facts to save myself from adding "I like to think" to the beginning of every sentence, but just know that I'm aware they don't have canon backing lol. Also my commentary mentions Fuuta and Mikoto's relationship, but the whole fic is pretty vague with it. I love keeping things at the stage of comfortable kindness, where it's easy for the reader to take things both platonically and romantically depending on what headcanons they're bringing to it. It's not necessarily catering to readers since I enjoy both interpretations -- I wrote it with both in mind, and I'll reread it differently depending on the day.

(From What's that Yugioh quote about cards)

“I'm doing this to show you how these readings are just crap. Now. First card.” [Fuuta] flipped it without any of the theatrics Mikoto had enjoyed. “Hm.” He squinted at the strange picture and read the title. “We’ve got a Four of Cups.”

Fuuta kind of did want to cheer Mikoto up, but doesn’t like how sentimental it sounds to think of it like that. Even if he did admit to himself that’s what he was doing, he wouldn’t know how to comfort him in a nice way, so he’s just picking a distracting activity and hoping it works. Also this spread was actually drawn by me irl! I had to modify one card in Fuuta’s (not telling which one though, hehe). I did consider having Mikoto draw the Hanged Man as his last card, but that felt too forced and cheesy lol

“Reversed Four of Cups,” Mikoto said before turning his gaze to the ceiling.

“Reversed? It’s right side up to you.”

“You’re doing a reading for me?”

“Duh?”

It might seem obvious that Fuuta was doing a reading for him given the setup/dialogue, but from Mikoto’s pov, no one’s ever done that before. In all the years he’s been doing tarot, people really just focus on their own future and how to learn tarot for their own activities. No one’s thought to do a reading for him. He’s more surprised than touched right now, though, because of how tired he is. It’ll really hit him later that night, when he realizes that this was the first time someone did that for him.

Mikoto bit back a comment that he should have gotten to touch the cards, if that were the case. He didn’t feel like getting into it with Fuuta right now, no matter how playful a matter it may be.

Mikoto (and Yuno) are the type who don’t take Fuuta's attitude personally. They can enjoy the back-and-forth of bickering for hours without it exhausting them. Even though Mikoto didn’t experience much during the interrogation, he’d be emotionally tired out in general. Plus, I picture the process of extracting videos to be physically taxing. Something that invades and activates your neurons would definitely leave you pretty wiped afterwards. (<- girl who has too many thoughts about how the mv machine works but will spare you the explanation)

“So… it looks like in the past… you had a lot of cups… and got a weird one from the sky. Are you religious?”

“Huh? Not really.”

“Not God then. I don’t fucking know where it came from. Maybe it’s a ‘life gives you lemons’ thing. You got too much on your plate?”

Mikoto stayed silent.

I messed myself up in this upcoming section because I was too excited about figuring out the card meanings in relation to Mikoto. I should have just looked at them as they were and guessed the meanings the way that Fuuta might. It was difficult having just read this card’s specific meaning and then trying to put myself in the shoes as someone who didn’t know it😂 I left and came back to this section a lot, I wrote the fic over a few months in between other things. It helped dull my memory on the actual meaning and get into Fuuta's character more.

Also I’m adding “life gives you lemons” to the list of phrases I use in my fics knowing it’s an English phrase/idiom they definitely wouldn't use, but I liked its exact connotation so I kept it in. It's cliche and informal and someone like Fuuta would be sick of hearing it from adults. He'd know Mikoto feels the same. I debated on giving Fuuta more lines about religion here – I do think he’s starting to consider it more at this point in time – but decided it brought the fic too off-course from where I wanted it.

“Whatever. Next card… the present. This one’s upside down to you. A knight – hey, I got a knight, too, remember?”

Fuuta actually does know that the specific term is “reversed,” Mikoto just said it, but doesn’t want to seem like he cares so he doesn't use the term. Still, he doesn’t really know how being reversed changes the meaning, so he interprets the picture normally.

Mikoto blinked. He did remember – he was shocked that Fuuta did. That reading had ended on such a sour note all those months ago. He didn’t think the other had given it another moment of thought. There came the tiniest surge of pride that Fuuta had committed it to memory.

I wanted to play around more with memory here but could never get it to work!!! Fuuta doesn’t really have any themes around memory so it wasn’t that notable that he remembered. Mikoto’s memory has holes specifically around stressful events, so it’s not impressive he remembered, either. So… despite having the perfect opportunity to talk about cool insights/emotions, it simply wasn’t a big deal -_- It still works to reveal that they both care a lot about each other, which is why I left it as is. It was a brief moment months ago, but both held onto the memory all this time.

“Damn, another cup. Well, if it does mean life keeps throwing stupid shit at you, then yeah, this prison has been the stupidest shit of them all.”

Fuuta picked up the final card. He let out a laugh. It was something mocking, but it tickled Mikoto. “Heh, you sure are a fool. That’s some outfit. Still better than yours right now.” He flicked the card at Mikoto’s chest, where it bounced off his mangled uniform.

As someone who is completely endeared by Fuuta’s awful laugh, I think Mikoto wouldn’t mind either if it sounded teasing/cruel. Especially after all the pain Fuuta’s been through T2, Mikoto probably didn’t hear him laugh in a very long time, and the sound can be contagious. I always wonder about Mikoto's uniform... was like that from his fight with Kotoko, or just from John wrecking his room? Is it like that all of T2, or does Es gives him a replacement? I felt like he would be cleaned up by the time his interrogation rolled around, but his album art is just as much of a mess, so I guess ratty uniform it is...

Mikoto retrieved the card. He sat up as he returned it to the spread. He studied them.

Mikoto was enjoying Fuuta’s version of the cards, but didn’t have the energy to read them along with him. This is the first time he taps into his own knowledge of the tarot meanings and realizes what a good spread it actually is. I wanted to linger here in this moment more, but everything I wrote became too “telling.” As the fic was from Mikoto’s pov, I felt like I’d need to take the reader through what he was thinking about in the silence. That ended up defeating the purpose of the peaceful moment lol

He allowed himself a small smile. “So,” he asked, “what’s it all mean?”

Fuuta scowled. “I just told you what it meant.”

“No, now you look at the big picture.” Mikoto shook his head. “You left before I could finish your reading, but you’re supposed to look at everything together and make a plan for the future. I… I still remember yours. I was going to tell you to mind your emotions, and prepare for a big change coming quickly. But uh…” he rubbed the back of his neck. “Guess it’s a little late for that, huh?”

“A little.”

Once again wishing I could do more with memory given that Mikoto still remembers Fuuta’s exact reading after so many months, and once again leaving it as a testament to his relationship with Fuuta. I can only hope it speaks for itself when looking at the fic normally ;--; I still haven’t decided if that last line from Fuuta should be read as an angry snap or a disappointed whisper. He’s still very bitter about his situation, and the fact that Mikoto is telling him to ‘mind his emotions’ and reminding him of his pain are enough to make him lash out. At the same time, maybe bringing it all up makes him recognize that his hot temper did caused him harm, several times. He can hear how genuinely Mikoto speaks, and feels guilty for treating him so harshly then. I go back and forth depending on my own mood…

“So, to finish off my reading, what advice do you give me based on these?”

Fuuta made a show of rolling his eyes and huffing, as if this hadn’t been his idea to begin with.

My favorite way to write Fuuta is having him do something nice, and then immediately get mad at the other person because suddenly he’s embarrassed about it.

“This is so lame. My advice…?” He jabbed a finger at The Fool. “Don’t do anything fucking stupid in the future.”

I originally wrote out a bit of a longer speech of advice, with Fuuta mentioning how he knows school/work can be overwhelming, and this prison is overwhelming, and not to do anything in the future because there are people relying on him. Fuuta was relying on him. It was a bit vulnerable and finally explicitly mentioned his feelings towards Mikoto. I read it back, heaved a sigh, said “he wouldn’t fucking say that,” and cut it down to just this line 👍I'm not too disappointed, though, since Mikoto can see right through Fuuta (both with his people skills and the fact that Fuuta is very obvious about his emotions). Anything he would have confessed, Mikoto already knows.

Mikoto looked from him to the cards, then back again.

“...That’s it?”

“What more do you want?” Fuuta raised his voice, and Mikoto found it in him to laugh.

Mikoto also hasn’t laughed (genuinely) all of T2 :( This one starts off kind of forced – he had to “find it in him” to play along with the way a conversation is supposed to go. But it feels natural once he does, and the next time I mention his attitude he feels “back to his old self.” In this moment he’s considering antagonizing Fuuta by teasing his advice, asking for more, or just poking at his temper. He chooses not to. Instead of avoiding their bickering because he’s tired, he cuts Fuuta a break because he’s really grateful for the kind gesture.

“Alright, alright, I’ll take it.”

#milgram #mikoto kayano #fuuta kajiyama #from that dvd commentary ask game :)#chronic overexplainer gets enabled to overexplain 🎉🎉🎉 peace and love on planet earth #thank you pal!!!#im not big on many milgram ships but i gotta say 0309 and 0909(09) creators have started to infiltrate my brain a lil....#taking any and every chance to share my fuuta laugh compilation 👍#fanfic

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myersmaldonado17 · 2 years

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theothin · 2 years

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Hello! Please recommend other "genderweird stories." I'm always looking for more stuff like EGS.

"Like EGS” is a tall order - it does a whole lot of fun things with gender, heavily exploring both fantastical magic stuff and complicated real-world identities. Other stories I know tend to be more narrow in one or both regards, so it’ll depend a lot on what specifically you’re looking for.

Incidentally, for anyone not familiar with EGS (El Goonish Shive), I recommend checking out the post I made two days ago for its 20th anniversary.

Anyway, here’s some things that come to mind out of stories I’ve enjoyed:

Ranma 1/2 probably needs no introduction, as a well-known classic genderbending story. I started watching the anime just this past week - I haven’t gotten far yet, but it’s very funny. It’s a lot older than the rest of this list, giving it a particularly distinct feel which makes for a really interesting change of pace.

Fabiniku (”Fantasy Bishoujo Juniku Ojisan to”, aka “Life With an Ordinary Guy Who Reincarnated Into a Total Fantasy Knockout”) is a much newer genderbending series, about two friends who get pulled into a fantasy world and are now trying not to fall in love. The manga has been running for a couple of years, while the anime (which is what I’ve been following) started just this past month. It’s extremely funny, and the writing and visuals are beautiful. (I heard about Fabiniku from following @demilypyro, who’s been posting a lot about it and other anime and manga in this vein. If you’re looking for more, she’s likely to be a good source.)

Narcissist, Coward, Fool, and Traitor is a fantasy web novel about a team of four incompetent adventurers. Includes a lot of gender-related magic and exploration of the fantasy setting’s take on trans issues, particularly in the story’s first act. Features quite possibly the funniest (and kinkiest) trans character I’ve ever seen.

Doing God's Work is a web novel about an organization of gods across the pantheons, from the perspective of Loki and their faction of rebellious gods. This setting’s take on Loki is a lot of fun, and puts their shapeshifting powers to a great deal of use.

Misfile is one of the early transformation webcomics I read, before even EGS. I haven’t kept up with it in about a decade, but it still has a special place in my heart, and thinking back to it now, I may have to read the rest of it one of these days. The main character is Ash Upton, a high school street racer whose personal information was accidentally edited by a careless angel.

SGVY (Sparkling Generation Valkyrie Yuuki) is another transformation webcomic I read around the same time as Misfile, and have a lot of similar feelings about. It’s about Yuuki, a guy who gets turned into a valkyrie to fight monsters, and is an extremely silly magical girl parody. Seems the original site is no longer available.

Your Name (Kimi no Na wa) is an anime movie about a guy and girl who periodically swap bodies while living far apart, and have to find ways to communicate and work together. One of the most popular anime movies ever, which I hadn’t realized until looking it up again while writing this, but I can believe it.

Those are the ones that really play around with gender-related transformation stuff. Some other stories I’ve really enjoyed that aren’t necessarily “genderweird” per se, but have neat portrayals of major trans/nb characters:

Dreadnought and its sequel Sovereign are a series of superhero novels about a trans girl who inherits the powers of the strongest hero. She also gets a new body in the process, resulting in some interesting complications. It’s one of my favorite book series, and the characters are wonderful disasters - in particular the main character, Danielle Tozer, is a delightful ball of rage. There’s a third book planned to complete the trilogy, although it’s been taking a while.

High Guardian Spice is a magic school cartoon that released its first season a few months ago. It’s about several girls at a magic school, including Snapdragon, a closeted trans girl who begins to consider magical means of transition. Apparently its inclusion of trans characters has lead to a lot of people trying to sabotage it by spamming bad ratings, but the show itself is adorable.

Ikenfell is an RPG also set in a magic school, with a charming and very queer cast and a playable character lineup including multiple flavors of nonbinary. It’s a lot of fun and has a neat grid-based battle system, as well as great music made by the same people who did the music for Steven Universe.

Venus Envy is an old webcomic about Zoe, a trans girl going through high school and encountering a variety of forms of trouble. Frequently very unsettling, in some fascinating ways. Lot of content warnings here, probably more than anything else on this list.

Kanojo ni Naritai Kimi to Boku (”I Wanna Be Your Girl”) is a manga about a high school girl and the friend she’s in love with, who’s a trans girl. It’s really cute and does a lot of exploring attitudes around queer topics. It’s the only story on this list not to have any fantastical elements (although counting Venus Envy is debatable).

Mask of Shadows is a two-book fantasy novel series about Sal, a genderfluid thief who joins an assassination competition while seeking influence and revenge. I’ve only read the first book so far, but I’m planning on reading the second next week.

The Murderbot Diaries is a sci-fi book series (currently five novellas and one full novel) about “Murderbot”, a delightful agender cyborg built to work in security, and the humans and other AIs it reluctantly bonds with. Has a prequel mini-story posted here.

Infinity Train is a cartoon about a magic train that draws people onto it and compels them to solve a series of puzzles. It doesn’t technically have anything concrete, but I have to give it a mention here since pretty much everyone I’ve seen has interpreted the second season’s main character as transmasculine. Great show, and I’m still bitter about it getting canceled.

Wayward Children (by @seananmcguire) is an ongoing fantasy series that recently released its seventh novel. It’s about a school for kids who’ve gone through doors to fantastical other worlds and now have returned home, changed by the experience. It’s got a lot of great characters - a major recurring character is Kade, a trans boy, and more recent books also feature Regan, an intersex girl.

Zombieland Saga is an anime about seven girls who’ve been raised from the dead as zombies and are trying to become idols. It’s cute and funny and very ridiculous, and the team includes Lily Hoshikawa, an adorable trans girl.

Also I can’t pass up the chance to mention my own story, Blood Knight! It’s a short fantasy novella about the absolute disaster of a trans girl in my icon.

I’d be interested in hearing any other recommendations anyone else wants to add, as well!

#egs #el goonish shive #ranma #fabiniku #ncft #dgw #misfile #sgvy #your name #dreadnought #hgs #ikenfell #venus envy #mask of shadows #murderbot #infinity train #wayward children #zombieland saga #blood knight

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kirishimaswife2819 · 3 years

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Them Playing Minecraft Survival With Their S/o || Midoriya, Bakugou, Kirishima, Todoroki, and Kaminari

Masterlist

Pairings: Izuku Midoriya x Reader, Katsuki Bakugou x Reader, Eijiro Kirishima x Reader, Shoto Todoroki x Reader, and Denki Kaminari x Reader

Summary: What it’s like playing Minecraft survival with the boys

Word Count: 1.4k

A/n: So, I do this weird thing where I’m obsessed with Minecraft for like a week, and don’t stop playing it, then I forget it exists for like anywhere from 1-3 months, then remember it exists and the cycle just goes on like that. And I remembered Minecraft existed earlier today, and I decided to write this. Anyway, I’ll try to get some requests uploaded tomorrow, but I’ll have to see if I’m in the mood to write them or not. Anyway, I hope you all have a great day/night! -Danielle <3

Izuku Midoriya:

He’s very peaceful when he’s playing Minecraft

He’s not in any rush to get to the end and spends a fair amount of time working on building farms for various animals and food

When you guys play together, you do pretty much everything together and don’t leave each other’s sides for the whole game

You guys also share all your resources, and split the stuff up evenly between the two of you

When y’all go caving, you each might split up for a few minutes to go into different parts of the cave and find different things, but he’d rather not stay apart for too much longer

He’s literally so calm and doesn’t generally get too mad when he dies

It’s literally impossible for him to not tame any pet he finds, you probably have a countless amount of dogs, cats, and birds, yet every time he sees an untamed one, he’ll be like, “Hey, Y/n. Do you have any bones/fish/seeds?”

“Izuku, you have like fifty at home. No.”

If you refuse to give him some then he goes out and finds it on his own and comes back for the animal, so there’s no escaping it

He’s not really focused on beating the Ender Dragon, he only really remembers that’s what he supposed to be doing when he gets bored

It probably takes y’all like nine months til you finally get around to beating the Ender Dragon, and you play for like four hours every two days or so, since you have school work to focus on as well

Katsuki Bakugou:

Warning, he blows your shit up when he gets bored, so make sure he doesn’t get bored while your playing together

He’ll share a house with you and the same storage area, but what he finds is his and what you find is yours, unless you both agree to share it

He focuses on actually beating the game, for the most part, but occasionally he likes fucking around and doing random stuff

Katsuki sucks at building, since he’s more focused on the actual game than making anything look nice (he also can’t build to save his life, but if you asked why he’s so bad at it, he would use the excuse that I just mentioned)

Doesn’t waste his time on taming animals, except for wolves

He gets two wolves, breeds them, and then makes an entire army

If you piss him off bad enough, he will not hesitate to make them all stand, before hitting you, so that they all attack you

He doesn’t play too often, since “school work is more important”, but you probably play, at the minimum, once a week, but most of the time you play twice a week

You would probably end up beating the game, after a few months, but it honestly depends on how often Katsuki decides to blow up your stuff, or just blow up stuff in general

Eijiro Kirishima:

He likes to try and build and make your world look nice, but he really sucks at it, but don’t tell him that or he might get upset. You called something he built ‘weird’ once and he took it personally, and didn’t want to play the game anymore

He’s always sort of got the goal of beating the Ender Dragon in the back of his mind, but he mostly just focuses on building and having a good time

He only has about one, at most two, of each pet, but he gets emotionally attached to them and if one of them dies, he will probably cry, and he also insists on hosting a whole funeral and building a grave for it (honestly, I would do that too, so I can’t blame him)

He also will give you all of his resources, without you asking, and you’ll be like, “Kiri, why don’t you have any armor” and he’s like, “Oh, I gave you all my iron. It’s fine though! Don’t give it back, I can live without armor!”

Then y’all get an aggressive war of passing back the iron between the two of you, until you get sick of it and just take the iron (but you sneak on his phone/computer after he goes to do something and you make him armor and put it on him)

This man protects you with his life, like you’ll be fighting like one skeleton and he’ll be all dramatic and try to protect you

It’ll probably take like a year or longer to beat the game when you’re playing with Kirishima, because he likes to, not necessarily mess around, but he likes to waste time on building useless stuff and playing with your animals and all of that

You two play almost every day for at least an hour, unless you have the day off, then you play longer

He really enjoys playing with you while your cuddling, and it’s one of his favorite things to do

Shoto Todoroki:

He had never played Minecraft but then he saw Kaminari playing it and asked him what he was doing, and then after Kaminari explained the game to him, he went to you and asked you if you’ve played it before and if it was fun

He has no idea what he’s doing, so he follows you around the whole time, as you try to teach him how to play the game

You’re going to have to teach him literally how to do everything, even if it’s simple, he lacks common sense when it comes to these kinds of games

He is the most gullible person too, like if you tell him a certain something about the game, that very obviously isn’t true, he will believe you

Once he gets a hang of the game, he still chooses to follow you around, and if he doesn’t he’ll ask you what you want him to do while you’re off doing something

He doesn’t tame any animals, because he doesn’t really see the point in it

You always have to tell him what he should do, if you don’t then he’ll sit there and just wait for you to tell him to do something

Shoto actually has a lot of fun playing the game, since he’s never played any video games before and as much as he just sits around doing nothing except staring at your screen and waiting for you to tell him what to do, he still manages to have a good time

How long it takes you to beat the game, is solely based on on your pace and your pace alone, since Shoto will just go along with whatever your doing

You two don’t play often, just whenever you two get bored and want to play something together

Denki Kaminari:

Depending on the day, he’s either really focused on actually playing the game, or he’s fucking around the whole entire time

Most of the time it’s the latter though

This man made an entire army of chickens and a very poorly built castle for them as well

He doesn’t tame too many animals, maybe a few of each, but that’s about it

He’s not a big fan of building, unless it’s to do something stupid with the building (e.g. the castle for the chickens)

Freaks out at the sight of any monsters, even though he has no problem killing them

Denki has a tendency to rage when he dies, but it’s never too bad

You guys share all of your resources, and if you try to not share with him, he will bug you until you do (he’s totally willing to share his with you too, though)

He thinks its funny to hide the item you’re looking for in a chest (if it’s like string or something that’s common and easy to get), so you’ll go out and get some, only to come back and find the item you were looking for in the same chest you were looking in before

Plays Minecraft at least two hours a day, but most of the time longer than that

Sometimes he even tries to sneak and play it during class, but the teacher always catches him within like two minutes because he talks to himself when he plays

If I’m being completely honest with you, you and Denki probably never make it to the end of the game because you’re too busy messing around, but both of you are perfectly fine with that

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pop-punklouis · 3 years

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when you say that boyband’s work on a shelf-life and theyre thought of as a cash crop what do you mean? that they’re only an object to the industry?

i mean, let’s break it down. boybands, more times than not, are curated by someone else. it isn’t exactly the boys that come together, find each other, and then start a career. usually, a higher up will pluck 4-5 boys from the crowd and put them in a group together expecting them to be puppets to their success. from the beginning, a boyband is fundamentally under the thumb of the industry due to their origins. then, of course, you have the image branding. these boys, at a young age, are given labels to be to sell records and garner favorites from the fans— which in turn gives more reason to sell more individual product with a certain boy on them. the boys will go through image training/publicity training, and besides putting on a character depending on their branding (zayn malik literally talked about how he couldn’t even really grow a beard in the band), they’re also walking on eggshells to present to the media in a way that is not only broad enough for most of the GP to favor them, but also to give just enough personality away that most of what one knows about them is either created in a boardroom or acts as surface level for fans to push their own attitudes onto them without compromising this carefully patched together image. this doesn’t mean these boys aren’t genuine in how they perform, but there is a lot of tightening of screws and pushing into molds at a young age that can fuck with them when carried out for long periods of time. it’s like appearing as yourself but mimicking someone else’s idea of who you ought to be. it’s the alien impersonator. it makes me think of NSYNC’s music video where they were all puppets on a string, being controlled by the omniscient puppet master. do i think that visual was pointed in makeup? not necessarily, but it is a good reference point for how i’m sure many boybands feel throughout their lifespan

then, you get into the lucrative amount of $$$ people are making off these groups. the global merchandise. the touring. the albums pumped out every 12 months. the chosen teams that surround the boys to keep them on track and keep them feeding into the machine as long as their contract permits. when the $$ begins raking in, that’s what the label begins to view you as. your expectation revolves around their bank accounts, and the more $$ you generate, the harder it is to have freedom and orchestrate a life outside of the spotlight that isn’t predominantly cast in the form of making more $$ for these companies. and these companies know that the pop-sphere only has a general attention span of 5-6 years before a revolving door of new talent comes in, so they’re even heavier handed with how they pump the content out knowing the shelf-life is waning, and there’s only a specific area of time they can milk them for what they are— using it as a justification for dehumanizing a group to line their own pockets.

and god forbid one of them tries to “mess” with that money. even if the intention isn’t malicious. take for example, Brian Littrell from the Backstreet Boys or Niall Horan. Brian had to get open heart surgery, and they pushed him back into a worldwide tour and promo cycle almost straight after. Niall Horan has had knee surgeries that were prolonged for long enough until they were mandatory and he was on crutches during promo stints. their health and well-being is on the back burner if it compromises their ability to be a cash crop. their agency is stripped to be objects to an industry who looks at them and instantly sees wealth. they walk in a room not as individual people but as a well-oiled machine, which can mess with how you think people view you outside of the group. “would these people speak with me if i wasn’t apart of this?” “would i be able to get into the studio with certain producers/song writers if i was on my own?” “would i have the same opportunities without this goliath presence on my back?” “will i always have that part of my life carried on my back, unable to pick apart if my own talents or my past talents is what’s given me the success i have now?” “is this image the only thing people see and use me for when i walk in a room now?” “what is success if it isn’t the success i had in the band?” a lot of identity issues are created in this isolated bubble, and it’s no wonder why any member of a boyband has insecurities and doubts when they leave that model, not knowing who they are or what they represent.

and finally, you have to take into consideration how tightly controlled their entire life is beyond just promo or images. their schedules are blocked months if not years in advance, not being able to have personal freedom unless it works around things that have already been confirmed for the group (i mean let’s example girl group little mix here. two of them were afraid of becoming pregnant when they did bc their schedules are confirmed ages in advance, and they thought they’d be scolded for it). their agency is gone. their independence is gone. their freedom of just existing is gone. they exist in relation to the label and their “handlers.” they have lives, and they can do things, but many of those things have to be worked through the system and approved. think about how isolating the 1D bubble was. almost none of them had gaggles of famous friends that weren’t also there to sell a certain image of the group. they were contained for most of their youth to just those five boys. from 16+, their teen years and growth into adulthood was centered around this bubble mentality. they were stunted, and you can see the affects of that even now— years later.

so, i don’t blame these groups for taking indefinite breaks or disbanding altogether. that environment is toxic and erasing and superficial. it’s harmful. and i think it’s important to know this. because there’s no foul in loving boybands/girl groups and who they are, what their music sounds like, and what they represent to you. they’re a special type of celebrity that many connect with in different ways than they do individual artists. in ways, who they showed to you was genuine and loving and their friendships within the band cannot be faked. most times, they only have each other through the chaos of fame so they rely on themselves and their fans every night as their support beams so, don’t feel guilty or shameful for liking a band and supporting a band as you weren’t the ones who created this for them— it’s the age-old history of how the boyband model operates and tbh until it “breaks” i unfortunately don’t believe it’ll be fixed.

#grey #ugh sorry this is long #long post

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vickyvicarious · 3 years

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what do you make of Eliot's pre-show reputation for working alone? it makes sense for Parker and Hardison, who've always worked that way, but Eliot has a history of working as part of a team in various contexts

Yeah, it's definitely interesting! Really, Sophie never gets that label of 'always working alone' (and in fact later we see her bringing in Tara, which supports that she has friendly contacts still). It's just Parker, Hardison, and Eliot. And like you said, it makes complete sense for Parker, and even Hardison's hacking is just typically more suited to be done alone even if he is a social guy on a personal level. Eliot is different, given his history.

One thing I noticed a while ago, which is also interesting, is that Eliot's job by its very nature depends on other people. Sophie, Parker, and Hardison all steal what they want - as retrieval specialist, Eliot had to be hired. That's not to say he never just took something he wanted, necessarily, but his role majorly depended on people a) knowing of him in the first place, b) trusting his reputation enough to hire him, and c) being able to get in touch with him to hire him. I highly doubt he was handing out business cards left and right, so he had to have a network of contacts to at the very least pass his name along as an 'I know just the guy for the job' kind of thing. In fact, we see him bring in a friend on a con early in S1, and he is in contact with/does jobs for old military contacts throughout the show. (Once again, in the first episode Parker and Hardison were successfully recruited for someone else’s job, so it's not like that never happened for the others. But the general trend was that they picked their own heists; Eliot was hired on by other people.)

So we have a guy here who has a history of working on teams, a reputation as a loner, and yet still actively works for people who he has to keep on good enough terms to keep hiring him. How did that happen? In my opinion, it all comes back to Damien Moreau.

Eliot's timeline goes through some distinct phases:

Rural teen with a relatively poor family, I think they mention he played football; very all-American.

Joined the army with "a flag on his shoulder and God in his heart" or however that quote went.

Highly trained military operative involved in very classified operations.

Working for Damien Moreau.

Working solo as a retrieval specialist.

Leverage.

It's easy to track him through 1-3. He was recruited into the army with promises of heroism and glory, excelled at what he did, was eventually disillusioned. Getting from there to Moreau is a bit more of a jump, and likely didn't happen immediately. Given how protective Eliot gets over people he's working with, and how vigorously he hates betrayals of trust from his team, I think it's not unreasonable to assume that part of the reason he left the army had to do with whatever unit he was in getting very hurt. Likely in a way that made him feel he failed to protect them; maybe he was the only one who made it out of one specific situation. Maybe just a bunch of people he worked with got whittled down, or maybe it wasn't anything so deadly but he saw how little their lives mattered in the grand scheme of those in charge, saw how amoral the missions he was given were, and it was more of a gradual slide into illegality. There's also the detail that as he got into more and more classified work, he might be less and less likely to have a large group of people he could talk to/be a regular team with. Either way, I think Moreau didn't completely hire him straight out of the army, but there probably wasn't a tremendously long time between him leaving that group and joining up with Moreau.

*I originally thought Eliot didn't meet Toby until after he left Moreau, but a helpful anon corrected me on that! 'In the French Connection Job he says to Nate "I was out of the service and working for my 2nd PMC", doing wetwork.' He 'should've' killed Toby but instead stayed with him for months, 'learning how to cook and how to feel'. It certainly seems like he had gone some degree of numb after his experiences in the army and even since leaving it. His second private military contract/company... still implies he was working for organizations of some sort, though I get the impression he wasn't sticking around for terribly long times. Still, even if he then works solo retrieval type gigs for a while, I don't think he was nearly as insistent on working alone/had such a clear reputation about it, not yet.

Eliot no longer believed that he was doing good. He'd lost his naive patriotism and seems to have lost his religion for the most part as well. He didn't trust the system, but for the most part he still seemed to have faith in individuals. He still kept in touch with some old colleagues, he'd learned from Toby; he still wanted to be a part of something, even if that something couldn't be the US Army. He's a self-motivated criminal now but he still isn't averse to working with others.

Then comes Damien Moreau. Whether you read their relationship as romantic or not, it was undeniably important and personal. They knew one another well. Damien even still liked Eliot years after he'd left. There's good evidence for them having an emotionally abusive relationship where Moreau took advantage of Eliot's tendency to do things for those he cares about (I reblogged a great meta on this a little while ago). But essentially what we see here is that in all his time working for Moreau, no one else made such a strong impression on Eliot. Moreau definitely seems the type to play favorites and emotionally distance Eliot from other goons - Eliot isn't just another goon after all, he's the best. He's worthy of Damien's time and attention and specific assignments that only Eliot can be trusted to get done right. Whatever process of estrangement Eliot's superior skills may have begun, Moreau quickened until there was only one person who was the most important to him. Eliot didn't just work for him as a part of some vast criminal network by the end - no, he worked directly for and with Moreau himself. He was part of a team of two for all intents and purposes, regardless of how often he may have cooperated with others on specific jobs (though I suspect that got less frequent over time as well).

And when Eliot realized how deep he'd gotten, how terrible he'd become? He left, and left Damien Moreau specifically behind. Maybe he took a break for a while, went underground... it certainly doesn't seem like he had a conversation with Moreau and resigned so much as he just ran. And when he returned it was as a solo act. What this tells me is that not only did his time with Moreau break Eliot's trust in himself, it broke his ability to trust others. Not everyone necessarily, but in a working capacity. It probably was not the first time he'd experienced betrayal (in some form or another, his time in the army definitely qualified) but it was the most personal. Eliot trusted and liked Moreau - and he did the worst things in his entire life for him.

He couldn't repeat that. He couldn't leave himself open to getting sucked in like that again. And what's more, at this point he really didn't need to. His skills were such that he could get the job done himself (and had perhaps even honed those more solo skills while working for Moreau), and doing so meant that he never had to leave himself vulnerable to someone else like that again. He didn't have to be responsible for someone else getting hurt, and he didn't have to accept that he'd put someone else in charge of who he hurt. Eliot starts being more careful not to permanently injure or kill people, starts getting more selective with his jobs, and makes it a requirement that he works them alone. He still has to accept jobs from others, yeah, but he has ultimate control over what jobs he does accept, and if he operates purely on a freelance basis without getting too involved with any one client, then he can avoid the emotional entanglement that lead to such horrific loss of judgement in the past. It's hard, because he is naturally drawn to other people... but Eliot thinks that letting no one in is by far the safer option for everyone involved. He still builds relationships with others in order to get his name out, and may do repeat work for certain people, but no one is going to own him anymore. He is good enough that he can afford to set the terms like that; when he keeps getting the job done the word will spread that even alone he is worth the money. Eliot relies only on himself and any relationships he has are necessarily shallow. Professional, brief. This extends even to friendships (that seem to involve infrequent contact for the most part) and romantic relationships (he has plenty of sex but doesn't get emotionally close to anyone, does not fall in love). He is alone - in fact he is emphatically and outspokenly alone, because he doesn't want anyone to get their hooks in him like that ever again.

(*Doing jobs like this also limits the likelihood, especially in the beginning, that he's going to end up working for Moreau again in any real capacity. As time passes and Moreau doesn't attempt to bring him back too hard, that may become less of an issue in his mind, but it could certainly be a perk at least as the start.)

Then of course we eventually come to Leverage. It's been a while since Moreau. Eliot has built a solid reputation for himself - and he is being offered a LOT of money for a job that promises to be fairly quick. At this point, he probably feels like maybe he can trust himself as part of a team again without getting too sucked in - he will just keep it to one job and go his own way afterwards. It'll be fine.

...And then he immediately gets sucked in, bonds right away and wants so badly to stay. But even then, it's because of Nate. Eliot knows Nate, trusts him to be the 'honest man', is certain enough of Nate's moral compass that it's okay to get drawn in if Nate is the one making the plans. If it weren't for him, Eliot would have walked right away. Eliot was never going to allow himself to be ruled by others again... but Nate isn't like any of those people, he is a good man. Eliot can trust him not to lead him into anything too morally wrong, and in fact the work with Leverage is a way to bring some good back into the world. Not redeem himself, that won't ever happen, but under Nate's leadership Eliot can do something good for once. He doesn't want to stop.

By the time he moves past trusting Nate's judgement so much, he already trusts and loves the whole team. Parker and Hardison especially, so now he has to stay to keep them safe... even from Nate's plans sometimes, when he gets drunk and reckless. Eliot is secure in his role as part of a team again - and he probably was very lonely without one for all that time. It's not really in his nature to work alone long-term. And a key difference this time is that everyone else gets just as invested as he, and there's a good balance of power and respect unlike all of the more hierarchical teams he was in before (army, Moreau, they would have clear command structures - hell, even high-school football has a captain and a coach). Nate is nominally in charge but they talk back to him and lead where they have the most expertise. They dedicate themselves to him as much as he to them, they change together. And they change for the better, together.

#leverage #eliot spencer #leverage meta #my meta #anonymous #replies

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woozisnoots · 3 years

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i’m not a hero | hansol vernon chwe

° pairing: vernon x reader ° genre: floofity floof fluff ° summary: people ask you, the avid star wars enthusiast, who your favorite character is and to their surprise? it’s not the hero. ° word count: 1276 ° warning: i mention weapon maybe 2 times ° a/n: my installment for @merakiiverse collab - thank you so much for this really fun opportunity!!! check out the masterlist + all the amazing authors below 💓 (and yes this is part of krys and i’s disneyland au as well!)

meraki’s job collab! / seventeen stars to the right!

masterlist!

everyone will tell you how hard it is trying to pay for college, being away from home, living alone, occasionally having to cope with potential loneliness and lack of motivation from time to time

but some college experiences outweigh all those hardships

and for vernon, it’s two things: you and living out his dream job. well, close to his dream job

you and vernon actually went to the same high school and even shared classes together. exchanged a couple of laughs during graduation practice at how both your names were mispronounced at the podium

yet for the entire three / four years that you were there, no words ushered between you two aside from formal greetings and acknowledged nods. after those graduation caps went up in the sky and you disappeared into the crowd, vernon regretted not talking to you at least once.

just when he was about to lose hope and move passed it, the next thing he knew, he saw you again waiting outside his communications class at his university

‘so this must be fate, it has to be… or a sign? whatever the difference is’

vernon’s face completely flushed when you expressed how relieved you were to see him, alas a familiar face in this new foreign place. making small talk before class started. finding out you guys actually shared the same major, hinting that he’ll probably get to see and spend more time with you more often, in and outside of school

what a perfect perfect way to start a friendship!

after exchanging each other numbers, study sessions became regular hangouts and soon after a few months, the awkward air around him diminished and he finally let his nonchalant person shine through

…but that doesn’t mean he still isn’t shy.

“awe so yn still doesn’t know about your obsession with star wars? can’t be their little jedi to save the them from having to write an argumentative speech in five minutes?”

vernon only responded by sending a glare directed towards his roommate and shoved his head into his pillow, yelping out his internal screams

and for his information, he wasn’t necessarily the hero of the story

how was he supposed to tell you that he worked as a storm trooper at disneyland?

first and far most important, he can’t. that’s against the rules, he would get fired in a heartbeat. that would ruin the entire galaxy edge experience. where’s the magic in that?

and second, even if he were to tell you, he just broke through the wall and is finally on good terms with you. yes, you guys may be friends right now but he does eventually want to ask you out

in his head, being a star wars fan doesn’t really give him that cool reputation that he wants you to perceive of him

and what if you didn’t know what a storm trooper was? now he would just be embarrassed :(

the one free day that you guys have, he almost regrets wanting to work there in the first place

you: hey! you free this weekend?

vernon: depends… am i?

you: well make yourself free :p think you can scavenge some money to get a one day ticket to disneyland on saturday?

vernon: that is more than 100 dollars, do you really think

you: PLEASE IT’LL BE FUN !!!! my best friend and i just got seasonal passes and are ready to abuse it every weekend <3

vernon: ok and your speech?

you: …will be written before then :D

vernon: …fINE

vernon: bold of you to assume i already to have a pass. late to the fun train i see

oh gosh, what the hell did he just say yes to? he has work that day!

thankfully, he only needs to work one shift and that lasts a couple of hours. he can make an excuse for meeting up late - his best being getting into a long phone call with his parents and losing track of time (which you wholeheartedly believe given his known soft spot for his family)

there’s a possible chance, you won’t even go to his certain place of work anyways. maybe you’ll just go to check it out, go on a few rides and wander off.

it was late morning bleeding into the afternoon and vernon was all set in costume, ready to march around the side of the park as one of two of kylo ren’s bodyguards

on a warm, sunny california day like this, was the only time vernon didn’t particularly like having to play a character in a full body costume. he could feel the heat rising up in his helmet and sweat accumulates in places he didn’t know could sweat, uncomfortable wedgies throughout the day

and it suddenly gets a thousand times hotter when he sees you walking towards him, leading your best friend to the outside meet and greet area

during his time, vernon has seen some pretty surprising guests at disneyland all while keeping his composure and staying in character. but this is the first time he almost lets his mumbling slip past his microphone and nearly dropping his blaster to the ground

there’s nothing much that vernon can do as he stands in front of the guests, including you. it’s not like you came to see him specifically, everyone’s here to see the kylo ren

so he decides to play it off the best and only way he knows how

“approach,” he says to you and your friend as it was their turn, gripping his fake weapon in both hands

he did not expect you to be so excited for this interaction. up close, vernon notices that you portrayed an opened mouth smile with a certain glimmer in your eyes that he doesn’t get to see off duty

“have you sworn allegiance to the first order?” his partner to his left continues the conversation

“if i say yes, does that mean i can get a picture with you guys?” you fiddle to find the your phone in your disney themed backpack and hand it to your friend that seemed rather distracted upon other things

looking back and forth between the other storm trooper and you, as a cast member, vernon knew exactly what to say

“well that makes things easier for the both of us. proceed.”

your high pitched squeal finally gets the attention of your friend, taking a few steps back to take the photo

you’re sandwiched in between the two stormtroopers and an awkward kylo ren towering behind you

vernon promptly holds up his blaster with one hand over his shoulder, making for a more dramatic photo, but what the camera can’t capture is how completely flustered vernon is under his armored attire

he’s never been this close to you before

thank goodness he was playing a character or else you wouldn’t know what to do with him hyperventilating right in front of you

once the picture is shot and approved yours truly, you continue to have a one on one conversation with kylo ren before having to leave. giving vernon a little while to recover and look around at anywhere and anyone to calm down his heart as you stand just a mere few inches close to him

being considerate of your friend, your time is short and you guys make your way to the exist with slight disappoint shown on your face

vernon risks watching you leave the vicinity, not paying too much attention to the guests waiting patiently in line

and it’s worth it to see you look back at him one last time, feeling as if you could see right through his façade

#seventeen #vernon #caratwritersclub #seventeen fluff #vernon fluff #seventeen scenario #vernon scenario #vernon x reader #seventeen x reader #seventeen fanfic #vernon fanfic #seventeen au #seventeen imagine #vernon imagine #svt x reader #svtstars

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mindholes · 2 years

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before i got my job, i applied to Columbia for an MA in Jewish history and got in. I was offered a scholarship which seems pretty insignificant considering how high tuition is. the director of the program, however, has been super supportive and was even able to get me a slight increase in scholarship funds -- however, the situation is still not very ideal I ended up deferring for a year to get situated in my then-new library job and to be honest, I was thinking this degree would potentially get me a pay raise but now having stayed 9 months into this role, I truly don’t think it’s necessary. you don’t need another MA, you just need experience and know-how. i don’t feel as enthusiastic about shelling out so much money for a degree I don’t necessarily need. I love Jewish history and would love to have the opportunity to hone my knowledge, but the price is insane and I still have not begun paying off my student loans from my library degree which was necessary. i’m already living on my own and spending as modestly as possible because i have rent, bills, and other worries now that come with not fully depending on my mom for things. it just feels irresponsible, but what if i’m throwing away something amazing? i feel so unmotivated, but maybe the degree will make me motivated? but then I won’t have any free time after/before work and it’ll be a huge commitment. I’m also in a long distance relationship and it’s already hard not having him here - I can’t imagine also limiting our quality time by taking on another degree, at least not while he’s far away. (i am not giving up on my dreams for a boy -- my point is, I’m not sure if this is my dream anymore and it just seems t oo much right now) idk! I have until the 20th to decide but i am honestly leaning towards rejecting the offer. am i doing the wrong thing?? no one knows the answer but i’m happy to hear anyone out, one way or another

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jacaranda-bloom · 3 years

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FIC WRITER QUESTIONS

Thank you to the lovely @allwaswell16 @runaway-train-works @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed @uhoh-but-yeah-alright and @evilovesyou for tagging me to answer some questions about my writing.

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

901,445 (Hoping to hit the Magic Million by the end of the year!)

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

1 (One Direction)

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

When Tomorrow Comes 1155

The Baby Whisperer 950

Love, Ever After 898

Harry Poppins 856

Play Me A Memory 760

More under the cut…

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh gosh. Uhm. I don’t really write angsty endings? All my fics have Happy Endings and most have epilogues to round them out and tie them up in a bow. Perhaps I’d say If You’re Out There (I’ll Find You Somehow) purely because (spoiler ahead) the epilogue is written 100 years into the future so they’ve both passed.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Interestingly, I would actually say the answer is the same as above, If You’re Out There (I’ll Find You Somehow). The epilogue is so uplifting and I cry happy tears every time I re-read it. It’s written from the POV of their granddaughter and you get to see the world they had a hand in changing for the better through her eyes, so you get a sense of how impactful their lives were on the rest of society. Oof, tearing up right now just thinking about it.

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Yeah, I have actually. I really enjoy doing new takes on an existing universes, although they aren’t always the easiest thing to pull off tbh. I’m not sure which I would say is the craziest, but the hardest to write was definitely The Peter Pan/Hook AU.

Harry Poppins - Loosely based on the book/movie Mary Poppins, but without any magical aspects.

Playing To Win - Set in the Big Brother house.

The Pirate and The Piper - A Peter Pan/Hook AU which I took a lot of liberties with.

In The Still Of The Night - My Dirty Dancing AU.

A Hungry Heart - This is a Great British Bake Off AU that is due out in September for the Cliche Fic Fest!

8) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Whoa Nelly. Yeah, I do. All the time. Every fic actually. There’s only one, Exposed, the only fic I’ve published that’s not rated Explicit and doesn’t have smut. But, to be fair, the challenge was to write exactly 666 words and I still managed to get the implication in there. Plus, Louis was naked and Harry was applying body paint for the majority of the story, so like, I think I can get a free pass on that one - I tried!

In terms of what type of smut, I guess it varies depending on the story. I tend not to push the boat out too far, but I do dabble in BDSM in quite a few of my fics. A recurring theme in the comments I receive is that my smut scenes are well constructed and detailed, without being too tedious or drawn out, which is lovely feedback to get because they can be challenging to write.

9) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Absolutely. Every single one.

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not often, people are usually so kind, but there have been a couple.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of!

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah, quite a lot, particularly on Wattpad, all with my full consent. That said, I’m thinking of stopping this because it’s getting a bit out of hand and I’ve been feeling uncomfortable about it recently for various reasons that I won’t bore you with here.

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! I don’t think it’s really my thing tbh. I get very in my head about writing and struggle even to brainstorm or share too much until I’m well into a story.

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

Of the 47 fics I’ve written, there are 45 Larry, 1 Narry, and 1 Louis/Dermot O’Leary (I think mine is still the only fic with this ship hahahaa), so that’s probably a good indication of my fave writing ship.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I have one lonely WIP sitting on AO3 from 2018. I keep promising myself I’ll finish it and it’s on my schedule every year, then I get distracted by other fics/fests and it gets pushed back. Plus, it needs a complete rewrite because my style has developed so much since I started it, so it’ll be a big job. Based on that, I think that the fic, in its current form, won’t ever be finished as the rewrite will completely wipe out what it was, although the underlying plot will still be there.

16) What are your writing strengths?

World building (or so I’m often told). I write very visually and people often say they can imagine the scene exactly, or that it’s like a movie, or that they think it’s actually a real place I’m describing, when most of the time it absolutely isn’t, it’s just something I’ve created in my weird brain.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue (although my lovely beta disagrees) and telling rather than showing. They’re both things I’m actively working on.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’ve never really considered it. It’s not something I’d shy away from necessarily, but it’s just never come up.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

One Direction. First and only.

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Wow. This is really tough because it changes over time. I find that once I’ve finished a fic I don’t want to revisit it for a few months because I’m kind of over it. But I find comfort in them after a while, like I get to go back to that happy place and immerse myself in that world and the characters again, similar to catching up with an old friend. It’s familiar. I think I also like different stories for different reasons and I’m drawn to various ones depending on my mood. My top 3 (although, ask me next week and the list will probably be completely different!) would probably be:

1. If You’re Out There (I’ll Find You Somehow). Written for the hybrid fic fest (a fest I created just for this fic lol). It’s not everyone’s cup of tea due to the hybrid aspect, but it’s one of the stories I feel is the most rounded from a character development perspective and the world building was pretty epic, if I can be so bold as to throw that out there myself!

2. No Going Back. One of my Big Bangs from 2020. I adore the way their relationship develops in this fic and the setting (as remote lighthouse keepers) was such a lot of fun to write. Plus I got to collaborate with an amazing artist who created an entire website as an accompanying travel blog which was truly wonderful.

3. From The Heart. This is a series I wrote for wordplay back in 2019. I had no idea that what I was doing was so unusual and so meta by having Louis essentially write for the equivalent of wordplay in the fic. It was such an fun way to share my writing process and challenges I encounter (exactly how many synonyms tabs do I have open at any one time?!) and I thoroughly enjoyed the outcome (although getting there was definitely a struggle).

This was really fun and thanks to anyone who made it this far! Writing brings me so much joy and is a wonderful outlet for all the imaginings in my head, so I appreciate everyone who supports me and joins me on that journey.

I’m pretty late with this and I’m not sure who has already done it but I’ll tag @fallinglikethis @homosociallyyours @lululawrence @reminiscingintherain and @beau-soleil-louis if they’d like to do this and haven’t already.

#August 13 2021 #fic writer questions #tag games #this was really fun!

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queerprayers · 3 years

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hi there - I am also 19 years old and a christian. at present i am currently struggling with a certain aspect of my faith a bit. to make a long story short, im struggling with a few particular sins in my life, and i've been feeling particularly convicted about 2 Cor. 5:17 - "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation." i know that i have come to know Christ, and i know that i've grown in my faith in the five years since my coming to that point; but i can't help but feel like, at the same time, i am not a new creation, or that I'm not where I need to be.

i do know that his grace is there for us when we repent, and turn to him.. but i am afraid of presuming upon it. this was also kinda spurned on by reading the story of simon magus; he came to believe, but he still was deeply sinful and wasn't where he needed to be.

i suppose I'm having a hard time entrusting myself to God's grace and placing that faith in him.. I do wish to be intentional and not take it for granted. do you have any ideas or tips for something like this?

Hello! I relate so much! Here're some thoughts!

We are young. We don't have to be everything now. God willing, we have years and years ahead of us. There's a line from an Olivia Gatwood poem that I find myself coming back to: "I have so much beautiful time." (full poem—NSFW) (book) And we do! That's the first thing I want to highlight. I don't think any nineteen-year-old feels like they're where they're supposed to be— and if they do, they're probably wrong.

What really hit this home for me recently was Richard Rohr's book Falling Upward. While I wouldn't necessarily recommend it (my review), it was while reading this book that I fully realized how much more time and space I have to grow in my life. I explained in the review how, because I've struggled so much with suicidal ideation in the past, I often treated my spiritual growth as an ending, instead of a beginning, like a young person should. I have no idea if that's something you relate to, but I've noticed people often have this perspective, even if they've never gone through what I did. So, again: we have time.

I noticed that you mentioned how much you've grown, which is so great. If you're aware of how much you've grown in the past five years, think about how much you can grow in the next five years! And the five years after that! We don't stop growing once we become a legal adult, don't worry.

I've noticed many people (especially evangelical/"born-again"-type Christians) talk about conversion/following Jesus as a lightbulb moment—but it's not (or at least, isn't most of the time/in my experience). Sometimes you don't feel any different. So if you're looking for some magical moment where you'll realize you're a new creation and Christ is in you or whatever, I can't promise you'll find it. What faith/following Jesus is is a choice you make every day. Some days you might feel the Spirit or have a beautiful moment, and some days it'll feel repetitive and tiresome, and some days it'll just be.

This is definitely informed by my Lutheran background, but I would point out that all believers are saved and deeply sinful and not where we need to be. Same goes for all saints, all church fathers, all religious leaders. Simon Magus, the Pope, Mother Teresa, anyone. I would say that being saved and full of sin is an inherently human trait. I'm not saying give up or stop growing, just reminding us that no matter how much we grow and believe, we will still be human.

You bring up something interesting: the tension between accepting and living out God's promise/grace vs. taking it for granted. Even recognizing that and thinking about it is a wonderful sign that you care! If you didn't care, you wouldn't be thinking about this. While avoiding taking it for granted, at the same time I do think that God's grace is something we should presume on and depend on. It's there no matter what to fall back on, and knowing that and embracing that isn't ungrateful. I think there's a balance between these perspectives.

And yes yes yes on the being intentional about it bit! Faith routines/rituals can help us be more intentional— even a tiny thing like lighting a candle can ground us in the moment. Maybe you could keep a journal and write down ways you're following Jesus/growing every day/week/month. (Don't make this super complicated! "What's one way I'm going to be faithful this week?") Simply noticing what I'm doing/learning has been key for me—resisting the urge to mindlessly go through the motions. You could pick a different saint or Bible figure to learn about/think about each month, or pick a theme/goal (charity/mutual aid, reading the Bible every day, something like that) and focus on that for a bit. Don't fall into monotony or, as you put it, take it for granted.

We are a new creation in Christ every day! Let us go forward with all our beautiful time and grow in ways we couldn't even imagine five years ago! God be with you and bring you peace.

<3 Johanna

#ask #anonymous #answered this on mobile so hope the formatting/links work oops

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nite-shay · 3 years

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His Hero Part 4 (Kirishima Eijirou x Reader)

A/N: I don’t know if I’m completely happy about this chapter. I’m trying to get better with witting panic/anxiety/non-humor, so hopefully, next time, it’ll be a little better. Also, sorry for the long time off and just sporadic posting. Works been hell, but now that we’ll hopefully *grain of salt* were getting more people hired, I’ll have more motivation and time to write

Warnings: Panic/anxiety , references to sex and/or sexual acts (nothing descriptive but suggestive) so I guess 18+? IDK how this works :/ If yer too young, offended by sex , sexual acts, sexual reference or don’t know where babies come from, please don’t read.

Word count: 3K

Other then that, please enjoy! :D

Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3 , Part 4

*****

Kirishima didn’t protest when Fat sent him home for the day.

‘Go home. Clear your head. Call me if you need anything.’

Honestly, he barely heard his mentor’s words. He just sat there staring at the screen. Watching, pausing, rewinding, and watching again. Over and over again. It wasn’t until Fat picked him up and carried him to the door, did he finally get the memo.

Yeah... he didn’t need to be here right now...

The trip home was nothing but a blur, and honestly, he remembered nothing about it. His body was on autopilot as his mind tried to wrap the possibility that he might have a kid.

A kid… A son… Your son… His son? But… How? Err… Wait!

Ok, he knows the ‘how’ of how kids are made.

Better phrasing, how could this have happened!? He was always careful with anyone he was with! Err, not that was a really long list or anything. Typically, he was only intimate with someone he’s known for a while, and when he was, he’d use a condom, or they were on the pill.

Oh fuck. How could he have let this happen!?!?

Calm down. Calm down.

Maybe he was just overthinking everything? It could just be a coincidence. Sure, he and the kid have some similarity, but hey, there’s like, billions of people on the planet! So some are bound to look alike! That doesn’t necessarily mean they’re related, right? Total chance! That’s it! It’s that stuff we learned in school. Static? No, that’s not right; that was in science. The other thing was in math...Statistics! Yeah, that’s it!

So what if the kid has red eyes? His best bud Katsuki does too!

The sharp teeth? Look no further than his gym bro Tetsu! Hell, depending on the quirk, it can be a super common trait!

The quirk being exactly like his... well, ok, that was… odd. And yeah, he hasn’t run into any with his quirk specifically, but, big but, it doesn’t mean there isn’t someone out there with his quirk!

Or maybe it’s not his quirk! Maybe its a similar one! Really, really, reeeealllly similar.

Total coincidence! Anyone can have those traits!

He just… happens to have all of them… just like the kid… whose mother he just happened to have slept with… around six years ago…

Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck!

The room suddenly felt like it was closing in on him. The air got thinner, making it harder for him to breathe. He jumped off the couch and started pacing. He’s had issues with anxiety for years, and one thing he did learn, when he got like this, he needed to move.

Breath and walk. Breath and walk. Breath and….wait! The kid can’t be more than five! He slept with you six years ago! Ha! The time doesn’t match up! So he can’t be his kid!

His legs felt like jello as the waves of panic finally came to a halt, and took a deep, much-needed deep breath.

He wasn’t a father.

This was a good thing. A great thing!

He doesn’t have a kid. The time frame didn’t add up. He was in the clear.

He should feel happy. Relief. Ecstatic!

So why did he feel like he just got punched in the gut?

He sighed as he made his way to his fridge in search of something to calm his nerves. Beer isn’t his typical drink of choice, but he was glad he kept a few on hand in moments like this. Since he was single and didn’t have a roommate, his place was the place of choice for ‘bro’s night.’

Though sometimes, there was nothing like a cold one to just chill after a long hard day.

He grabbed one of the glass bottles by the neck, activated his quirk, and flicked the lid off with his thumb. Cool little party trick he learned a few years back.

As he tilted the drink back, he took a long hard swallow and let his mind wander. The beer of choice today was one Katsuki preferred. It was good, smooth going down, and less alcohol content. Which was fine. Ochaco, even after giving birth, still couldn’t stand the smell of alcohol. Pregnancy wasn’t a subject Kirishima knew a lot about, but he knew enough to respect it.

He’d seen her hauling ass many adays to the toilet of the slightest whiff of something she didn’t like.

Then the cravings came along, which prompted a few late-night trips to the store by Katsuki or himself if his bro was at work.

He chuckled as he thought about the few times Katsuki had said something to piss her off and sent him over to the redhead’s place for the night. Only to call him back a little while later in tears because of mood swings.

Towards the end was rough, though. She’d been put on bed rest and was in a lot of pain. Katsuki took fewer shifts during that time to stay home and help ease her in any way he could.

Damn, she went through all that for, what almost a year? Maybe not quite a year, but it had to be close.

Was it nine or maybe ten months?

His brain came to a screeching halt, mid-swallow as he started calculating.

Beer spewed out of his mouth and nose as he tried to breathe and swallow at the same time.

The nine months adds almost a year! *Cough* Meaning the kid’s age would make sense! *Cough Cough*

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! It can’t be true, can it? He… He’d used protection… hadn’t he?

His mind raced as he thought back to that night six years ago.

It was Izuku’s birthday and his girlfriend, future wife Melissa, rented out a small private Terence at a hotel to celebrate. It was small, maybe fifteen people max: just some friends, family, and a few colleges of the green-haired hero.

He was having a few drinks while chatting with Denki and Hanta when he first saw you. That was when he first saw you… You were chatting with your Melissa and Izuku, and damn… he couldn’t stop staring at you. You were so beautiful, and the way you tried to hide your angelic smile every time you laughed made his heart skip a beat.

Eventually, his two friends figured out just what or who had caught his attention. Which brought on a relentless amount of teasing. It took about twenty minutes, a few beers, and an angry blonde for him to finally make his way over to you.

Katsuki, at some point, approached his childhood friend, then proceeded to yell at him for some reason or another. Even on his birthday, the guy couldn’t catch a break. Now that he thought about it, it was over something All Might related. Something about a suit and which version was from what era? You were looking rather uncomfortable (Melissa was used to this) at the aggressive (mainly Katsuki) debate. That’s where he came in. With the help of Ochaco and Melissa, he finally got the two distracted enough to send them to opposite corners of the party.

And then, he was left all alone with you.

He was so nervous that he even stumbled through his own name. Luckily, he played off his nervousness by making light of his two friends. To his surprise, you took his jokes in stride and even had a few comebacks of your own.

The two of you must have talked for over an hour! Just one conversation after another. He’d never met anyone like you before. You were just so loving, kind, and just… wow!

Then things start to get a little fuzzy.

He remembered talking, drinking, joking, more talking, and more drinking.

A weird memory of a drunk Denki yelling, “I swear to drunk I’m not God!” before face planting into the punch bowl.

Then while everyone’s attention was on Denki, the two of you snuck away and back to his room.

A makeout session on the elevator leads to the two of you missing his floor and shocking an elderly housekeeping lady. That was embarrassing but didn’t seem to stop the two of you.

Then things get really, really blurry, but somehow the two of you made it back to his room without any other incidents.

While the rest of his memories were bits and pieces, but he… did remember the most of the ‘activates,’ and it’d been consensual, and yeah… he’d definitely used protection! That much he remembered!

The next thing he knew, it was the next morning, where he woke up alone, with a hangover, and felt better than he had in awhile.

Too bad that feeling didn’t get to last. His phone rang not long after he woke up. It’d been work, a villain was causing trouble, and they needed him asap.

He showered, dressed, grabbed his stuff, and left.

Then… he’d gotten hurt… bad…

Ended up in the hospital for nearly a week.

After he got out, he, well, had an interesting voicemail and charge on his credit card.

He blushed hard as he remembered the hotel’s message regarding the ‘damages’ done to the room. In particular, the ones done to the sheets and headboard. They even sent him pictures!

Damn, he couldn’t believe he lost control of his quirk like that. He hadn’t done that since… well, since his ‘first time.’ That was so embarrassing. Thankfully, he didn’t think he’d hurt you in the process. Of all the pictures and list of damages, blood-stained sheets weren’t listed. Maybe that’s why he never worked up the courage to reach out to you. Even if he didn’t hurt you, he might have scared you...

Wait….

He lost control of his quirk.

Oh… OH SHIT! Realization dawned on him.

Even if he had put a condom on, his quirk might have damaged it!

Then that means… there is a chance he's the father of your son!

FFFFFUCCCCKK!!!!

But wait.

If he really was your son… why haven’t you contacted him?

His footsteps slowed until he came to a standstill.

You would have told him if he was, wouldn’t you?

Granted, the two of you never exchanged numbers, and we’ll it’s not like he did much to reach out to you either, but… You would have known he’s friends with Izuku, so you knew a way to contact him.

Two-way street, buddy. He internally lashed himself.

Between racking his brain and scolding himself, he didn’t hear the knock on his door until the visitor started pounding.

“Oi! Shifty hair! Answer the damn door!” A loud, brash voice that could only belong to one person yelled through the abused door.

Katsuki? Why was he here?

Kirishima hurried over to the door before the blonde got too impatient and blew it down… again. He took a deep breath and put on his brightest and cheerful grin before opening the door to greet his grumpy best friend.

“Oh hey, Bakubro, what’s up?”

“Don’t bro me! Why the hell am I getting called from your boss to check up on you?” He growled.

“Fat called you?” That was a surprise.

“Yeah, he did. Had to switch my patrol around and everything.” He brushed past the redhead, letting himself in. Kirishima sighed as he shut the door behind them.

“I’m really sorry about that. Not sure wh-”

“Don’t start that bullshit with me.” Those fierce red eyes locked on to him. “And drop that fake ass smile. Always hated when you did that shit.” He mutters.

Damn, Fat just had to go and call him of all people.

If it’d been anyone else, anyone at all, he could play this off. A bright grin, crack a joke or two, maybe a few reassuring words, and he could send them on their way.

But not him. No, not Katsuki. Most people wouldn’t in a million years think the aggressive blonde could show anything other than anger. And yeah, the guy was rough around the edges, and he wasn’t the best with words. But nonetheless, here he was.

And sometimes, that’s all that mattered.

Fuck.

“So why am I here?” Katsuki wasn’t backing down, so Kirishima took a deep breath.

“What did Fat tell you?” While his smile didn’t waver, he felt his stomach belly flop to the floor.

“Bastard would spill it, just said you’d need me right and to get over here. Now what the fuck is going on?” While he still sounded angry, there was an underline concern in his tone that most people tend to miss.

Who would have known that would be the thing to make him crack? Well, obviously, Fatgum knew, hence why he sent the blonde over. The great explosive hero was one of the few people that could blow a hole right through his hardened armor.

Both figuratively and literally.

With tears in his eyes, he dropped his bright grin and let the damn of emotion bust. He explained everything that had happened. The robbery, the hospital, you, your son, the night he first met you, the security footage, everything! Hell, he was sure he went into a little too much detail when he described you and that night.

The blonde just stood there shell shocked as he tried to absorb the word vomit hurled at him.

“S-so, yeah… I might… have a…” he couldn’t finish. He just let the silence hang between them.

“You… dumbass.” He sighed quietly, running his hand through his hair before looking him right in the eyes. While his best friend was known far and wide to have a temper, when shit got real, it was eerie how calm and focused he was. “Are you sure he’s your?”

“I-I don’t know. I mean-”

“Have you talked to the mother?”

“N-No!”

“Have you talked to anyone about this?” He pressed. “Does anyone else think you’re the father?”

“No! Well, Fat might, but that’s cause he was with me when I put the piece together. But I haven’t told or asked anyone else about this. Honestly, other than the mother, I don’t even know who else to go-” The redhead piped up. Something flashed in his friend’s eyes, and for a moment, he looked like he was ready to commit murder. Fuck was he made? He hadn’t come to him about this yet!? Of course, he was! He was finding this out because his boss called him, not because he had called him! Some friend he is... “I was totally going to call you about this! I swear! You’re my best friend. This just happened so suddenly!”

“I know you would, Ei. Chill.” The blonde’s features soften for a second, soothing the redhead some. But he could tell Katsuki was trying to keep his temper in check. “I’m not mad at you but, I’ll ask again. Does anyone else know about this?”

“Honestly, I have no idea. I only found out about this today, and I haven’t had any contact with (Y/N) since the other day and well at Izuku’s birthday party.”

“Ok. Stay here for a bit. You need to calm down. We need more information first. If he isn’t your kid, you’re losing your shit for nothing. And if he is... well,” He paused, “Cross that bridge when you come to it.” He pushed the hero towards the couch and made him sit down. “I need to make a phone call.”

Kirishima blinked as his best friend made his way towards his front door. “NOW SIT THERE. SHUT UP AND CALM DOWN!”

*SLAM*

This was a new level of anger for the blonde. He couldn’t stand seeing the redhead like this. He felt even worse, leaving him alone like this. The damn guy lived off socialization with others, so for him to be facing this alone.

Yeah... it really pissed him off.

The blonde stomped his way back to his apartment, which was just a few doors down. He did need to make a phone call; he hadn’t been lying. But it was a call, that big, dense red rock didn’t need to hear.

Fuck. He couldn’t believe this. Did shitty hair really have a kid?

Katsuki made his way inside his home. The home he shared with not only his wife but his newborn daughter.

Fuck. He has a kid… and he never even knew.

As he made his way through the foyer and into the living room, something caught his eye. Something black, orange, green, and tiny laid on top of a basket of unfolded laundry. It was the custom design onesie Momo had gotten for their daughter as a baby shower gift. The custom design was made to look like his hero costume. While he scoffed at the thing initially, he made sure that she wore home from the hospital.

Well, tried. About halfway through the hospital parking lot, she decided now was the best time to need a diaper and outfit change.

Little brat. He smirked.

If you’d ask him a few years ago what he thought of kids, he would have brushed it off, not really caring about it. His hero career was his focus. He needed no had to be number one.

But now that he has a little one of his own, he realized there was more to life than being number one. Was he still going to do it? You bet your ass, but now that he has his wife and his child that climb to the top well, he couldn’t dream of making it there without them.

He couldn’t imagine a world without her. Let alone a world where he didn’t realize she existed.

He whipped out his phone and thumbed through his contacts.

Especially if someone knew about them.

He took a deep breath and hit send.

Someone close to not only the kid but himself.

And still not tell him.

He knows. There’s no way in hell that precipitative little shit doesn’t know!

One ring. Two rings. Three rings.

“K-Kacchan. This is a surprise. You never call. Is everything-” Katsuki cut him off.

“We need to talk. Now.”

****

Links: Part 1, Part 2 , Part 3, Part 4

Thanks for the read! If you want see the other stuff I’ve done, click the link bellow!

MasterList

Tags: @hot-pocket01 , @simpforeveryone , @remember-happy-things

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tickle-bugs · 3 years

Text

I had two people ask for some advice on starting up/running a blog, so I thought I’d make a little post for anyone else looking for advice! There’s no one right way to run a blog and I am by no means an expert. This is just a compilation of some of the things I’ve learned :)

Feel free to add advice to this!

- The first thing is something I cannot stress enough. Write for yourself first. You will be absolutely miserable if you’re only writing for attention. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s so incredibly important. If you don’t like a prompt, fandom, or scenario? You don’t have to write for it! A personal example: I’m a theatre kid and total musical nerd. I could probably write some compelling Dear Evan Hansen or Hamilton headcanons if I wanted to, but I don’t. That’s fine! I’m allowed to say I won’t write for it and deny prompts/requests for those fandoms.

- Set boundaries. This is a very mixed community with all sorts of creators and participants with hands in different baskets. Don’t want minors to interact? Put minors DNI in your bio. SFW only? Put it in the bio. No RP? Bio. This goes for private conversations/askbox/other interactions as well. If someone comes into your askbox/dms and says something that makes you uncomfy, shut it down.

- My advice is more geared towards writing than art or video, but I suppose you could apply this advice as well. Make what makes you happy! If you’re only in one fandom, feel free to stay there and make content for it. Multi-fandom? Excellent! Completely non-fandom? Epic! Make the content that you want to see and the content that makes you happy to create, especially if you’re in a more niche fandom/area.

- Organization. ...I’ll admit this one is more of a personal pet peeve than something urgent, but it is something that people positively respond to. If you have some sort of consistency/organization to your blog, it’ll make it easier and more enjoyable for people to navigate. Make a fandom list/indicate your fandoms somehow (mostly for prompt purposes. people can’t read your mind, so it’s important to tell them what you will write for and what you won’t, however you want to do that)!

Make a masterpost/link your fic tag! Use a fic tag of some kind. Give your fics summaries and leave a little bit of the fic above the ‘read more’ to intrigue folks (look at #my fics and my masterpost for basic examples of how I do this, if you need!). Use read mores. Please use read mores (if you can, idk if they’re on mobile. regardless no one wants to encounter a three thousand word block of text on their dash). (No seriously though, organize your blog, even if it’s super simple. literally just a ‘mine’ or ‘my fics’ or ‘[pseud] writes’ and a fandom tag. It’ll make it easier for people to find your stuff and support you)

- Practice general internetiquette. Please remember that the people in this community are real people with feelings, boundaries, and lives outside of the blog that they run. Be genuine and people will respond to you! Don’t manipulate people into likes/reblogs/attention. No one wants to be on the other end of that. Being in this community isn’t a transaction or a mosh pit, it’s an experience.

- Be ever-so-liberal with the block button. Someone’s user makes you uncomfortable? They give you bad vibes? They’re a minor/older than you and you don’t want them interacting with your content? You don’t wanna see their blog for some reason? Block em. This goes for anons too. That’s what the button is for. Don’t feel guilty for using it. Use it.

- How you write is 100% a personal choice and not really something that I can give advice on, but embrace your style! take prompts if you want, or don’t. Write oneshots, series, drabbles, or novels. Write romantic, or don’t. Etc. Change things up if you feel like it. Do what you want. Your blog, your style, your rules.

- Numbers matter. Don’t let them define you. This is a bit of a harder one to explain, but I will try. I often say that I don’t care about numbers, and I really don’t, but that’s not to say that I don’t see them and they have zero effect on me. I absolutely notice and am bummed if a fic doesn’t get notes, or at least the notes that I was expecting. That is entirely normal and okay to experience. What isn’t okay, though, is creating for the sake of getting notes/numbers/attention (re: write for yourself first, internetiquette). If you find yourself relying on tumblr for gratification and a reward, I implore you to take a break. I’m not your therapist or your parent, I’m not gonna tell you what to do, but when you make things only for the sake of notes, people notice. Celebrate your milestones. Know that it’s okay to be bummed about low notes/celebrate getting plenty. Just make sure that you don’t depend on the numbers for your happiness, or you will be miserable.

- You’re (probably) doing this for free. You are providing people content: a service. Produce as much or as little as you’re comfy with, but always remember that. No one is entitled to what you make. If someone asks you for headcanons, sends a prompt when prompts are closed, etc, and you don’t feel like fulfilling it? You have no obligation to do that. Getting commissioned is another story entirely, but as long as you’re making free content, you have zero obligation to do anything for anyone and certainly no time constraints. It can take me months to finish prompts, and that’s okay. I do them when I do them and I fill them how I want to. If my prompts are closed, I deny new ones until I’m ready to accept them. Make yourself happy first.

- How you interact with others is up to you! It’s generally considered good practice to like/reblog your mutuals fics/art, but this is not necessarily a hard and fast rule. I veeeeeery rarely reblog fics for fandoms that I’m not in, even from my mutuals. What you can do to show your support (and you should try and show support somehow. No one is in competition. Everyone’s in your boat, whether they have no followers or 1k) is send an ask/reply to the post/leave tags to let the author know you liked it. Like the fic and don’t reblog it, if you don’t want to. Just make sure you show your mutuals (and others in general!) roughly the same support they show you, however you decide to do that. Treat others how you want to be treated, as cheesy as it sounds :)

- Don’t repost content that isn’t yours without express permission from the original creator, and credit them appropriately. If you see a cute piece of tickle art and the artist doesn’t want it reposted? Don’t repost it. Don’t post fics/videos/gifs that aren’t yours (obviously if it’s like a scene from a movie/a clip on youtube that’s different, but don’t take credit for things you didn’t make, including ideas). Can’t tell you how frustrating it is to have work stolen from you. Don’t be that person. ‘Credit to original artist’ and ‘credit unknown’ is total bullshit btw. Link/tag the creator in the original post and make it clear you don’t own the content. Best practice is to ask the original creator if they’re okay with reposting, work inspired by or connected to theirs, etc. This goes doubly for saving/downloading someone’s fics.

- It is not illegal for a minor to have normal, nonsexual, healthy friendships with people older than them. There’s a weird attitude that minors have nothing of value to offer adults besides a relationship/sex, which is...not true? Minors are thinking, living human beings with feelings, thoughts, and opinions. You can talk to them like normal people, because they are. Just obviously don’t talk about/introduce sex or endanger them. Minors don’t bring up sex/activities you’re underage for with an adult. IDK this isn’t a seminar just...don’t be weird. Adults can offer great life experience, support systems, and the basic joys and needs of human connection. Minors can too. Mind your business unless someone’s actually in danger. The next point is a caveat, though:

- If you’re a minor, don’t interact with NSFW blogs/blogs with ‘Minors DNI’, NSFW blogs don’t interact with minors, etc etc. Not your parent or whatever but this is pretty common sense and it’s for everyone’s safety, but especially the NSFW person. internettiquette!

- If you use your TK blog as a side blog (meaning you have another blog as your main blog, not two separate accounts) and don’t want your main exposed, that is up to you. I recommend not liking posts. Also, follow people that you trust. These actions route through your main blog and your main will show up in the notes. You can reblog from a sideblog. If you want to send an ask “as your tk blog”, send an anon and sign it somehow, like ‘hey :) // @/tickle-bugs’. It should tag you in the post so you get a notification when it’s answered!

- Find your people! As an anxious person this one has been hard for me, so I know it’s hard for a lot of people. Fandom is literally a community of shared interest. Peachy and I have an iron bond almost two years later and we met talking over shared interests. You can absolutely find your people here. If someone makes you happy, strike up a conversation! Send an ask! You never know what doors it might open or whose day you might improve :)

- If you were an anon/lurker on someone’s blog and they inspired you to write/submit/start your own, sign your messages!! the common form that I see is either an emoji or [noun/context of the ask]!anon (prodigal!anon (i miss u every day), butterfly!anon, etc.) Let us know how to find and support you!! Those messages produce good brain juice.

- The big finale: Have fun. If you’re not having fun here, maybe you could tweak something to make things enjoyable. Running a blog is like driving a car. Keep your hands on the wheel, respectfully indicate your intentions (flashing lights optional), and be safe. Poebody’s nerfect, y’know. If you make a mistake, course correct. I’m by no means perfect. Your favs aren’t either. Just do your best and have a good time :)

@rosytickles and the anon in my inbox, I hope this helps! Thank you for asking me, I’m very honored that you value my opinon/experience/advice. I apologize if I come off as preachy or aggressive, I envisioned grabbing my younger self by the lapels and shaking me vigorously while I wrote this. Probably a bad idea.

Anywho, hope it helps. Anyone with questions, additions, or comments, my askbox is open! Just be constructive, is all I ask.

#bug speaks #advice tag #sorry again if this sounds preachy or aggressive at any point i literally wrote it like i was grabbing younger me by the lapels #these are all things i learned through experience/observation i promise im not talking out of my ass here #the largest obstacle to maintaining a blog is how you view your happiness in relation to it. talked about it above but yeah.#also like i said: not a professional and not your parent. just giving friendly advice sine i was directly asked for it.#might add more to this if I think of more #my askbox and dms are open for questions/comments/additions just pls be respectful and constructive #other tfb community members feel free to add to this!

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thoughts-on-bangtan · 3 years

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just some thoughts without pretending to be the truth. i have a feeling like inn 2017-18 there was some weird (but not bad) tension between vmin. like jm was getting to know himself and tae was.. observing? idk. the way they glared at e/o and touched was sometimes too intimate and jm went totally shy. but know smth kinda changed and i wonder what is it now? bois are getting older? and some moments in LGO tae doesn't look at jm i guess. like it's him shy now. AMA live is where he looks past him

Okay before I get into it I’d like to ask three questions, not necessarily directed at the person who sent in this ask but rather more into a general discussion round:

what is the sort of behavioral pattern that a ship needs to fulfill in order for people to think “oh, they might be into each other” and “oh, I think X ship is in love”, that sort of thing? Is it loud, almost over the top behavior taken straight out of the older generation Idol handbook? Is it constant physical contact, constant affection through double-meaning dialogues?

if vmin were to exhibit such behavior, show us lots and lots of affectionate interactions on camera in nearly every piece of content we have, tell each other every chance they get that they love each other when the cameras are rolling, would that make them seem more real, or would that cheapen the ship and only lead people to say “vmin is fan service and there’s no chance they are actually real”?

if we agree on the hypothesis that vmin might by now be in a relationship of a few years, and they are both 25 years old, so grown men at the height of their careers, do you really think they would feel the need to showcase their relationship and legitimate romantic feelings to each other in front of the camera? Would they really want to allow millions of people (some with good attitudes and respect, many though without respect and only hate on their tongues) into their relationship?

These are the sort of things I think about and I’m always curious to know what others think and how things would be like if vmin were to behave like certain others, if those who doubt them would stop, or only see it as more of a reason to doubt.

In any case, to a certain extent I agree with the person who sent in this question, that yes vmin’s on camera behavior has changed, that while in 2017/18 it was more Jimin who was shy, it’s now Tae who appears shy more often. But, I don’t see that as bad or negative or sign of things not going well. At all. Since last year I feel like Tae’s attitude toward being an idol and everything that entails has changed a bit, as did his mentality especially after he went through burn out and generally had a hard time in the first few months of 2020. But that I think had nothing to do with Jimin. I think their relationship, however you’d define it, was fine for most of it, and I think after so many years of knowing each other (it’ll be nine this year) and being close friends and perhaps more, they know each other, inside and out, and know how to act in certain situations and depending on how the other is feeling.

But while there have certainly been instances in 2020 where Tae appeared shy when interacting with Jimin, there have also been moments where he didn’t. Take for instance their interview where they spoke about all their albums. Once they got to Wings and BS&T, Tae spoke about how he remembers Jimin’s charisma and how tempting he came across in it. Or the interview filmed in that little corner at a diner or something where Jimin was supposed to say which moment in Dynamite is his favorite where Tae touched his shoulder and Jimin basically completely blanked for a moment before smiling, giggling, and saying that his favorite part was Tae’s. Or that one interview where they sat next to each other talking about Dynamite and then all of a sudden they were holding hands for almost the rest of the interview. Or Tae cupping Jimin’s hand during a photoshoot which we saw in the behind the scenes glimpses from when they were filming the Baskin’ Robbins ads.

More below the cut since this kind of turned out a little longer than anticipated, I hope you don’t mind, anon:

I think a big deciding factor in how vmin behave with each other and how they come across on camera is where they are, as well as most certainly how they are feeling on that day. Tae said himself that on days where he’s feeling good, going to work and doing what they do is fun and he has no problem with it, yet when he’s not feeling well, it’s hard and he has to push himself more to do things. Besides, there is definitely a distinction between how vmin behave when they know a camera is watching, and when there isn’t one. It even shows in something as silly as, remember MOTS ON:E day 2 at the end of Hobi’s performance of EGO when the members join him? Vmin are dancing with each other, standing facing each other with Jimin doing some kind of almost like “I’m performing magic on you” hand gesture toward Tae BUT the second he realizes the cameras are on him, Jimin straightens up and pretends like that didn’t just happen and no one saw anything. Or their side hug on day 1 and silly dance during day 2 during Dionysus, that, too, was something not visible on the main cam, just a side one which they knew would not be available during the replay, so less people would see it. Or even that famous moment of them holding hands on the airport on Tae’s birthday in 2019 on the way to NYC after going up the stairs. They thought no one could see, so they held hands like it’s the most natural and normal thing for them to do because that’s just how they are.

On the other hand, a performance where I agree with the anon that sent the question is that during BangBangCon in June when they performed Friends. Admin 2 already back then told me how you could see how both of them, but especially Tae, were shy during that performance. Jimin in his March vlive talking about Friends said that Friends is a meaningful song for him and that it will be an emotional moment in and of itself if they one day get to perform it together on stage, and you could truly see that. They both seemed somewhat nervous, shy, and a little unsure in some of their movements, but it also showed a glimpse at their dynamic, how it was Jimin who hugged Tae from the back, who opened his hand to lace their fingers together and hold it, almost like that dynamic of “I’m large but he’s in charge”, you know? Why is that? Because not only must it have been meaningful to them to perform together in such a way, but also Friends is a deeply personal song to them, probably more than any of us truly understand. (song analysis by Admin 1) But, at the same time, Tae has no issue with being brave online, as in to go on Wevserse and proclaim that 95z is love, or like today, go and post seven pictures out of which three were of Jimin (4 if you also take into account the one with the mirrors) or to make Jimin’s birthday the password while playing games with ARMY. Perhaps the difference is that on Weverse, Tae is in total control of the situation, it’s a place where no editor will cut the scene or edit it, but whatever he’ll say and post, that will be exactly how it is. Of course people can misconstrue his words, but that’s something no one has any control over ever, and thus not the point.

The way I see it, sometimes they allow themselves to be silly together, to show each other affection and do more cute things, like Tae going to Jimin’s room in ITS and rolling over him, giggling and just being silly and then sitting next to him and caressing Jimin’s back since he was sick. Or Jimin waking up and limping outside to see where Tae is and ask if he’s all right that morning. But in the grand scheme of things BTS have so little privacy, so few things that are truly just theirs and not something they share with us, so they guard the small things precious to them from prying eyes and treasure it. And that’s the case for their relationship, regardless of how you want to see it, as well. It’s theirs, not ours. We’re just privileged enough to catch glimpses of it sometimes.

Like remember on the day they had their interview at KBS in the summer due to their BBH100 #1 where the TV station even showed their arrival? Remember how Tae and Jimin first shared their hand sanitizer, since Jimin used too much of it, and later on when they walked next to each other, first they looked at each other, like a silent question passing between them of “are we doing this?” and concluded that yes. Which was followed by them holding hands and Jimin even raising their hands together toward the camera with an almost a little challenging looking in his eyes, like he wanted to show that they belong together in such a public manner. Tae looked a little shy in that moment as well, but he agreed to do it anyway, so his shyness doesn’t necessarily have to be connected to Jimin, per se, but more the situation they are in and who’s watching them.

Also, a final thing that always fascinates me is how, when other members don’t show their affection in every piece of content we get, no one questions their love for each other, no one questions if X is real even if those two don’t interact all too much for a while, people still think they’re close and whatnot, as example. And yet when vmin don’t interact in every interview and every other piece of content we get, immediately the questions begin if they are still close, if they are still together, if they’ve had a fight or if they broke up. And if they do show affection, it’s immediately equated to “it’s just bros being bros”.

Ask yourself: is an interview about their new song or album really the right place for “ship” moments? Is every performance the right place for it? And what if on that particular day one or the other or both simply weren’t feeling well? Or what if they simply hugged or whatnot before the performance and thus felt no need for a repeat on stage? They are professionals, they are musicians, and if we do get absolutely adorable moments like Tae taking a piece of confetti out of Jimin’s hair during their duet moment in LGO, that’s a precious gift, and not something we should demand/expect seeing every time. Would those moments still feel as special as they do now if we got the every time?

#answered ask #vmin #taehyung #jimin #lets have a little discussion

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sanakoreanlangblr · 3 years

Text

2021 Goals

Heyy! I’ve decided to put my goals for this year here, hoping that that might motivate me further, and maybe motivate someone else as well. Good luck everyone! And please take extra care of yourselves and your health, mental or otherwise! Everything else can wait.

This year has been difficult for all of us. As for me, even now, the upcoming semester is a big question mark. Currently I’m studying in France, and this semester I was supposed to go on an exchange to Taiwan buuuut that’s not happening anymore, as it has been cancelled. So per my school’s requirements I need to find an internship in the place of expatriation, which is a pain now. And that basically just means I have no idea where I’m going to be in the coming year or what I’m gonna be doing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Sorry, needed to complain for a bit, as I am going absolutely insane with the stress…

Anywayyyy, I still hope I will be able to uphold most of these goals, wherever I will end up. I tried to not make them overly big, so that I won’t get burned out too fast. But I have a whole year for those, some of these have dates for which I could expect to finish but I will not keep to them very strictly. Whatever happens, happens :))

Also, sorry if there are any mistakes, English is not my first language!

Korean (A2 -> B1)

1. Do 100 lessons of grammar from the HowToStudyKorean website.

I’ve started a few grammar books but in the end decided to settle on this website as I like its explanations best, and it provides the most example sentences when introducing each point. A nice touch is also the fact that it includes a list of a number of new words before each chapter, which gives me some new vocabulary to learn :)

So far I’ve divided the grammar points introduced in lessons into „to learn”, „to revise”, „already know”, and turns out I have:

66 „to learn”

35 „to revise”

32 „already know”

So if I did 3 points a week, I should be done around August.

2. Read 2 little stories per week from “Easy Korean Reading for Beginners”.

There is 30 stories in the first one (I already did 5), so I should be done by the middle of April.

3. Do one chapter per week from “My first hanja guide”.

I just got this book for Christmas and haven’t had the time to fully go through it so we will see how it goes.

4. Do Anki at least three times a week.

Every day would be preferable but I know that would last like a week at most.

5. Have iTalki lesson at least once a week.

That one is not a problem as I have been doing one or two per week for the last year, but I would just like to keep it up.

6. Try writing at least twice a month, and at least 2 pages.

Yeahhh that one is a bit of a bother, as writing still takes me a long time so we will leave it a twice a month and see how it goes.

7. Watch one youtube video per week on Korean grammar or vocabulary.

Generally I would say my goal is to use Korean more, as I know quite a lot but when I’m speaking I tend to go towards the easier words and grammar, which is why I am thinking that writing more could help me. And also I really want to focus on learning vocabulary as that’s always been a pain for me, I’m more of a grammar lover :))

French (A2 -> hoping for upper B1/ beginning of B2)

1. Finish the intermediate grammar book. I’m currently doing „Grammaire Progressive du Français” Intermediate edition, for A2/B1.

The problem is that my grammar knowledge of french is a mess , so going through this book is a bit of an annoyance, as most chapters I technically know but each time I find some nuance I wasn’t aware of... therefore I need to go through it, even the chapters I would have assumed I know :|

So I divided the chapters the same way I did Korean, into „to learn”, „to revise”, „already know”, and I ended up with:

14 „to learn”

34 „to revise”

4 „already know”

So technically if I did 2 points a week, I should be done in June.

2. Read the two french books I got for Christmas (“Les aventures d’Alice au pays des merveilles” and “Le tour du monde en quatre-vingts jours”).

3. Read at least two of the Harry Potter books in French.

I have started the first one this week, and I can tell it’s gonna be a very very slow process. It’s the first book I’m reading in french so it’s a bit difficult and frustrating but hopefully it’ll get better as I go along.

4. Watch at least 4 french movies, with french subtitles.

5. Learn a french song.

6. Read one story per week from „French Stories for Beginners”.

These are quite easy, but they are a nice practice for switching to books later on.

I don’t know if I’m gonna keep this one in, depends on how much my reading of actual books will progress.

7. Get to point 5 on the Duolingo tree.

I use Duolingo mostly as a revision tool, so I’m not really going to focus on it much, but still want to keep it up.

8. Watch one YouTube video per week (on any topic).

9. Listen to two podcasts per month.

10. At least one iTalki lesson per week.

11. Do Anki at least 3 times a week.

I really need to listen to french more, as I’m good at reading and I usually understand that pretty well, and I’m not the worst as speaking, but I am absolutely terrible at listening :| So that’s a priority.

Chinese (tbh I don’t know...end of HSK1/Beginning of HSK2 -> let’s say the goal is HSK3 for this year)

1. Finish the book „Integrated Chinese”

I’m having a tough time to pick a book from which to learn but I guess for now I’ll continue with that one.

Again, I divided the points in the book to „to learn”, „to revise”, „already know”, and ended up with:

47 „to learn”

11 „to revise”

15 „already know”

So doing 2 a week I should be done in July.

2. Learn 15 characters a day

I am way behind on learning characters.. I remember the words well but I didn’t put enough time to learn the characters at the start and now that’s gonna be a bit annoying to catch up on :|

3. Finish the drama „Go Ahead”.

4. Watch 3 Chinese movies, with both English and Chinese subtitles.

5. Have one Italki lesson per week.

6. Learn a children song in Chinese

7. Watch one youtube video per week on grammar.

8. Do Anki twice a week.

Generally focus more on characters. My speaking isn’t terrible (well besides the tones), but I need to work on the grammar a bit more as I seem to mess up the structures quite frequently. I need to put more work outside of my lessons. Since I found out I’m actually not going to Taiwan this semester my motivation has fallen a bit, but on the other hand I now have more time to prepare for fall, at which point I will hopefully be able to go!

Personal

Read 20 books.

I have always loved reading but in the past two years the amount of books I’ve read has gone down, which upsets me a bit… On the other hand the amount of fanfiction I’ve read is tremendous, so there’s that. However I would like to make more effort to read this year, especially since I’ve accumulated a huge pile of books over those few years.

2. Workout regularly.

Right now I’m at home, so that should be easy to do. I don’t really know what’s gonna happen this semester, so we’ll see what I’m going to do about that later.

3. Eat better.

Meaning: cut down on sugar, eat more veggies and fruit.

4. Get a bit closer to my ideal weight

I’m not necessarily focusing on that this year as the previous one has been hell and really managed to deteriorate my mental health back to high school levels... but still hopefully working out a bit and eating less sugar, more veggies, I will be able to lose a tiny bit of weight. But overall I just want to focus on being a bit healthier.

5. Clean out my wardrobe

Sorry that’s a silly one but I’ve been getting to it for half a year now and I’m just too lazy to do that... maybe once I put it here I will have some motivation

6. Take care of my face and hair

So my sensitive skin hates wearing masks and needs extra care these days I need to really focus on it and baby it, to not go back to the awful red mess it was two months ago

As for my hair, I have kind of 3a curls which I haven’t been taking care of properly and plus I damaged them with hair dye (still I refuse to give up ginger hair, I blame Merida). So now during lockdown and quarantine season I finally had some time to read up on hair care of curls, and honestly after a month I can already see the difference, and well I hope for the best :)))

7. Get a tattoo

It’s something I’ve always put off since I either didn’t have the money or time. And now again both are problematic, so I will wait for the decision until I know what my school semester is going to be like. Maybe this time I will find a good moment! (Although honestly saving up for travelling after all this is over is also a great idea :))) )

8. Don’t go to sleep at 5

Yeah so during lockdown and because of online classes my sleeping schedule got so messed up I don’t even know what to do about it anymore. And while my goal isn’t to switch it to 10 pm, cutting it to 2 am at max would be nice

9. Watch 25 movies

10. Sell/donate the things that I don’t need

I’ve accumulated a huge pile of books, movies, CDs, Xbox games, art products - that I need to get rid of - and I’ve been saying that for like three years now, about the same pile of things. I will try to do that one this year!

I hope everyone’s 2021 will be a ton better than 2020! Keep fighting!

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