#with those things and would love to live my life for longer than 15 years idk.

[themanwhowouldbefruit]

i hate how both of my parent's retirement plan is "idk i will just die" like y'all don't even like each other enough to plan a joint suicide

[ddoxhan]

all I wanna do

like a rain shower in midsummer, I need you cuz all I wanna do is be with you

word count : 5.3k words

genre : fluff revolving around two goofballs; scriptwriter! ningning x office worker! reader; experiencing a disastrous date won't stop you from planning the best date for the love of your life

t/w : none :)

a/n : a light-hearted, playful date with ms ning yizhuo! imagine her laughters throughout the entire thing and just seeing how happy she is being with you 🤍 I love this baby so much :') anyways enjoy !!

outfit? check. water bottles? check. portable fan? check. power bank? check. umbrella? check. snacks for your pretty girlfriend? check. after that disastrous date with yizhuo last time, you were traumatized hence the over-the-board preparation for today's date with her. you had planned a lot of events for the day, hoping that she would be surprised with how you made sure things were to go according to plan. her reactions are just the cutest and no one can tell you otherwise.

regardless of whether it was going to rain, or if you lose her in a crowd as her phone dies, or if she gets incredibly hungry that she's in the mood to murder you. yes, that was how the entire date went the last time when you two headed for a mini concert in the outskirts. just thinking about it again sent chills down your spine. never again, you thought.

as you take a step out of your apartment, that annoying ringtone informed you of who the caller was.

"yeah, babe?"

'on the way? or you just woke up and getting ready to throw on just anything?'

"missy, I'm slaying my fit of the year. and yes, I'm on my way. maybe in another thirty minutes?"

'okay, missy. sounds good to me, see you then babe!'

"love you."

'love you too!'

her voice got softer, as usual walking away from her phone to do her own things. she usually lets you end the call, either you'd end it while chuckling at her antics or listening a little longer to hear her humming a song that's on her 36th spotify playlist.

the sun was shining, the clouds were fluffy, and the bus just passed by the stop before heading for yours. was it more than enough time for you to make it? sure, but, that was if you ran for it. you were definitely not waiting for the next one that was going to be in the next 15 minutes.

the run wasn't too bad, giving you a chance to try out your new pair of sneakers. definitely not made for running, but they were sure looking amazing with your outfit. yizhuo had gotten them for you when you had finished that torturing physics paper one semester ago but you couldn't get yourself to wear them. she insisted that you wore it after she saw them in a new display box you got for it when she slept over after spending hours playing animal crossing with you.

'jagi, didn't I get those for you?'

'yep.'

'wear them when we go on a date next week.'

'but-'

'no buts.'

so that was how you were striding in these slides. they made you a little taller, which was the perfect height to pull yizhuo into a hug and rub your head on her hair. she hated those the most, but you love the scent of her vanilla shampoo, calming and soothing. as you stared out the bus window from your seat, your lips naturally curled into a smile as you reminisced those times when you and her took the bus home during your uni days.

when you had shared social law with her, you always took the bus with her after classes at the end of the day. you had known that she lived a little further from campus instead of the dorms and you happened to also take the same bus line as she did. acquaintances bloomed into friends, and you took your friendship with her to the next stage when you confessed that you saw her as more than a friend. you were the happiest girl alive when she said that she felt the same too.

when you had graduated with your psychology degree and her with her communication degree, that was when you found out that yizhuo had not lived three bus stops away from yours. and that was also when she had found out that you lived two bus stops before where she supposedly lived. in summary, you were two idiots thinking that you guys were so smart for trying to fool each other.

she did indeed live in the campus dorm, but just got down the stop where her friend lived at, in a way using her as an excuse to spend more time with you. you on the other hand, did similarly to spend more time with her by pretending that you got off at the next stop after hers. for four months straight, you had took a whole trip around the neighbourhood each time you had social law.

till this day, this was still something that you and her would bring up and laugh about at how stupid you two were. but you didn't complain, you were stupid in love with her.

a ring on yizhuo's doorbell was enough to make her frown from finishing her favourite shampoo to smiling as it indicated that her huggable human was by the door. when she swung the door open, she was surprised to find you with a bouquet of crocheted pink tulips and a puffy tote bag. first, you hated tote bags because you were afraid of forgetting them on your seat. second, what occasion was it for the flowers?

"hello, girlfriend."

"hello to you too. what's with the flowers?"

a toothy grin was all it took to convince that it wasn't a special occasion that she knew, but rather one that you wanted to celebrate because, you just wanted to.

"it's 520 days since we've started dating. so yeah, happy 520!"

"and here I thought that I had forgotten our anniversary or something."

"well, it's still something to celebrate about."

if yizhuo had her clumsy and quirky antics, you had your puppy-like and unpredictable antics. it wasn't once or twice that you had showed up to her front door with tulips or roses, be it real or fake, or crocheted. or that one time you had a spur in the moment and made her beef wellington for lunch. you didn't even like cooking that much.

'I saw this recipe and I thought you would like it a lot!' as she quotes from you.

but none of that can stop her from loving you more as each day went by. the good morning and good night texts were a must and meeting up at least once every day was the base, whether it be face-to-face or through facetime. as much as she could feel her fatigue from her day fade away when she saw that smile of yours, so did you when you heard that laughter of hers when you crack a joke.

"thank you, babe. I like it a lot."

she tiptoed to press a little peck on your cheek, which led to that big ass grin on your face and your tail would have wagged hard like a helicopter, if you had one. seeing your usual reaction, yizhuo went back to her room to proceed getting ready for the day. oh, did you mention that she looks amazing even when she had her hair up in a messy bun, and the most worn out, comfortable home clothes? yeah, now you know.

as you took your spot on the couch, it didn't take her longer than 20 minutes to be in the cutest outfit for your anticipated outing. the opening of her bedroom door prompted you to stand by the shoe rack and put your shoes on.

"ready?"

"mhm."

after you leaving her place, she naturally headed over to the bus stop while you stepped further from it, making her confused at the way you had a mischievous smile on your face. you walked over to her and dragged her along to the nearest car rental shop, rendering her further confusion.

leaving her at the entrance for a bit, you returned while twirling a shiny key with a far too recognizable logo printed on it,

"I knew we were going to the aquarium, but you didn't mention anything about driving there. when did you even have a driver's license?"

"well, surprise."

driving wasn't a practical option since you lived four bus stops away from your now alma mater. public transportation was a pain in the ass during before and after work peak hours but that was more worth than paying for the parking fee. that included having not told yizhuo about your driving capabilities.

your campus was practically in the middle of the city where most necessities were within public transportation reach. it didn't really matter if you had a car or not cause that was how convenient travelling for stuff was. if there was a need for a car, you would just ask minjeong for hers since she drives. even now, you could get to your job without a car, and you only head to office 3 days a week.

"and you rented a BMW?"

"yes?"

the look on her face darkened further as she couldn't comprehend your spending tendencies. you weren't a thrifty douchebag, so this was really a firsthand experience of you being willing to spend so much when there were cheaper options.

"please tell me you're joking. this could easily cost you half of your monthly salary for a day."

"okay okay, yes, I'm joking."

"thank god."

" but I did buy a kawasaki though."

yizhuo's jaw could not drop further as you said those seven words. she couldn't even form words, let alone sentences.

"wha- huh- you- eh?"

"come on, I got a second hand one so it's a lot cheaper. and it was a snatch with its low mileage."

the whole ride to the aquarium was just her bombarding you with questions on why you decided to get a motorcycle, when did you get your driver's license and a whole lot more. the entire ride there. though you weren't annoyed, you found it adorable that she wanted to know more. you being down bad was an understatement, you were just so in love with her that you don't see any chance of you getting back from being down bad.

you sure didn't need a second hand kawasaki to get to work considering the many reasons that would have stopped you from getting it. but there was one extremely big reason to get it that surpass every other. it was yizhuo. at the end of every day where you would drop by her place to spend time together, she would tell you about the things she encountered on the way home on the train, be it good or bad.

you were content with listening to how she would coo at the children and babies she saw, but grimaced at some things she would witness that you don't even want to reiterate. just then you thought, maybe you should get a vehicle to fetch yizhuo after work. as a scriptwriter, the expectation to get things done by her deadlines were brutal, from your nine-to-five job perspective. at times, she would finish past dinner hours and leave the broadcasting station with slumping shoulders while you waited for her at a nearby cafe to have dinner together after she clocks out. it always made a part of your heart ache a little when she drapes her body over you, with her basking in your scent.

she had always reassured you that she would feel her energy pick up when she spots you at your usual spot waiting. and even more so when she hugs you, as if you were her human energizer. but to imagine the days that you wouldn't be there, it was the right decision to get a vehicle for her to relax in after work on the way home. regardless of whether it was this nice BMW or the kawasaki you got, you get to accompany her back home while she talks about her day at the broadcasting station.

to head home together after a long day and lay in her arms on the couch while watching a movie was always your dream. usually her housemates would be around and it wasn't that comfortable to have the whole living room to yourselves. you would either leave after dropping her off or you would spend some time in her room for a while since she would reason that you have work the next day. one day, you would get a house together with her and make that dream a reality. one day.

"for me? this nice ass bike because you wanted me to get home safe?"

"yep."

she looked at you in disbelief, worried that the cost of this damn bike would put a hole in your wallet while you had a sheepish smile knowing exactly what she had in mind.

"I know it sounds crazy but trust me, I've planned this for a long time."

"how long?"

"roughly 5 years."

as yizhuo mentally counted, she figured that that was when you were still freshmen back in university. although she was flattered by the fact that you fell for her since then, she couldn't help but feel bad. and you knew she would from the way her smile fell a little, just enough for you to be able to tell.

"don't feel bad babe. I did say it's for you, but it's also for me, for us. it's a lot better than having to squeeze into the train and having body odour rubbed all over my face."

the joke managed to lift her mood as she giggles at the way she could relate too. well, you could say that this kawasaki was a dream motorcycle that you've had your eye on for some time now too. her hand reached over to yours on the gear stick, her eyes looking into yours, feeling that she was the luckiest girlfriend on earth.

"you're welcome, and let's go see those penguins, shall we?"

"welcome to underwater haven, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! I will be your guide today, so make sure to remember how I look like. you wouldn't wanna get lost and bump into the polar bear."

the crowd laughed at the humor of the male guide, before following to enter into the aquarium for the day.

in one hand, was your professional camera to capture the beauty of the animals (as well as your girlfriend), and yizhuo's hand intertwined with yours in the other. although she was more fond of furry animals in the petting zoos, she absolutely loved the way your eyes would sparkle when you tell her about your favourite aquatic animals that even she had managed to remember by now. you looked like an excited child jumping around and she just wants to give you all the kisses that you deserved for being so cute.

"oh! that's the angelfish. isn't it such a nice shade of pastel blue? and the way they just look so pretty."

"yes yes, very pretty."

and her gaze was just fixated on your smile that hasn't fell ever since you stepped foot in here. she couldn't give a damn about all these fishes that looked the same to her. all it did was make her crave for some good sushi, but she shall not talk about that while you're here. maybe in the next few days, she should bring it up. for now, she would enjoy this aquarium date.

"did you have fun?"

"mhm. did you? weren't you bored a little halfway?"

"I mean yeah but when I look over to you, wow best day ever."

you shot yizhuo a glare before relaxing when you knew that she had eyes only for you.

"I love you too."

that sheepish smile on her face made you chuckle at the way you found it cute, realization for the nth time that you would never be able to win against her. be it her random rendezvous at odd hours or cheeky remarks like this.

"so where would lunch be, ms. 'I have a BMW now so we can go anywhere we want'?"

she's just not gonna let you breathe huh?

"well, it is a thursday today. so you know what that means."

"the bazaar!"

the first time she found out about the bazaar, she had always gone there either alone since her friend had clashing schedules or would resort to the cafeteria food which she disliked a little. after knowing you through social law, she deciced to persuade you to accompany her there.

'you mean be your chaperone?'

'I wouldn't put it that way, think of it that you're there as my food mate.'

it was a weekly food bazaar that happened at the city square, filled with all kinds of food from all around the world. yizhuo was always down to try anything that was edible, while you were just there to be with her as you didn't fancy trying new things.

'come on! try this, the vendor said it's glutinous rice cooked in a bamboo tube.'

'it looks questionable.'

but to be honest, it did taste good. while she had a habit of ordering a variety to try, she wouldn't hesitate to share it with her friends, encouraging them to head to the bazaar to try out too. when you looked back and thought about it, she was also helping out the local businesses that had a hard time. she tried to deny, giving you the reason that they had better food that whatever the cafeteria served. however, you would notice each time you stood by her while she talked to the vendors. the way her eyes fold into crescents, truly grateful that they were doing great.

as you spent more time with her throughout your days, you harbored feelings for her and they just grew out of control when you would malfunction from being around her. you were there once as an acquaintance, now you were back there again, as her girlfriend. wow, thinking about it made you feel overwhelmed.

"are you sure we're able to finish this?"

"if we can't, we could bring it over for minjeong."

"I'm pretty sure she would be too full from lunch with jimin. you know how those two are."

"well, I guess this is all for us!"

just watching yizhuo enjoy the food in front of her made you feel as if you had ate. if your girlfriend was happily full, then so were you. at some point, the vendors didn't change often, and they soon became permanent at the bazaar, being able to find a crowd of customers for themselves. you didn't remember how it happened, but when yizhuo would always recommend it to the people around her, you knew who it was because of.

"what? is there anything on my face?"

your gentle gaze had her rub the sides of her mouth, then her cheeks. full of food while she mumbles, it was just a sight too adorable. you succeeded at holding back your urge to squeeze her cheeks, or you would end up with a flick on your forehead.

"nothing, you just look really pretty."

"thank you, but I can't tell if you're being sarcastic cause I am stuffing my face full of food right now."

"nothing beats a happy girlfriend who loves her food. and it's cute."

extending a hand over to clear that sauce stain on the corner of her mouth, you looked so lovesick, it almost made the people at the table on the right gag. what did single people do to be punished like this?

you would only cut it out with the lovey dovey eyes when yizhuo made sure that you were eating enough unlike when you were in your final year. that final year research paper had you lose 5kg throughout the journey and you wish to not experience that ever again. sleep was an option and so was food. if it wasn't for her threatening to have your meals properly or she would not see you again, you would have probably fainted at least twice that year.

so now, you have a wonderful girlfriend and a stomach full of good food. the day was going spectacularly smooth without any problems. but you spoke too soon when the sun had set and night had came.

after the bazaar lunch, you were to drive to a restaurant by the beach that yizhuo had really wanted to try but didn't insist on going as it was far. since you had rented a car, it was only right to bring her there. before night would fall, it would have been perfect to enjoy the sunset by the time you would have arrived considering the journey.

that was until the car started to smoke on the front all of a sudden. pulling over to the side of the road, you had to call for help from the nearest car repair shop to send a tow truck. you weren't going to risk driving there despite it being a short distance, not with her in the car.

as the tow truck arrived along with another car, you thanked the foreman for offering to drive you two to your destination when he couldn't get you a spare car. nevertheless, you managed to reach just in time to sit by the beach to admire the sunset with yizhuo. that was before it got windy and droplets of rain turned into a downpour.

"why is it always like this whenever we decide to go out for dates?"

she was feeling a little down from the mishaps from the car to the downpour. to be frank, you were too, since you had hoped that the date ended perfectly since she had looked forward to it a lot. although she didn't verbally express her excitement, you could tell from the way she had already put together an outfit for the day a week before and marked the date on her calendar with a big red circle and hearts around it.

"babe, things happen. plus it was my fault that I didn't check the car properly before today."

"it's not your fault, like you said things happen. just why on our dates..."

you were half soaked from the rain even with an umbrella. as you sought shelter at nearby shop, yizhuo wasn't soaked as much because you had wrapped yourself over her to make sure she didn't. that also made her a little more upset as she was scared you would get sick because of her. on the brighter side, you were at a vintage shop where they had quite a collection of film cameras. you had to take the opportunity to get one from here before you left. but first, back to making your girlfriend feel better.

"hey hey, babe. look at me."

you placed your hands on her cheeks and made her face you, squishing them a little. around her colleagues, she was competent and very professional when dealing with the producers and directors at her workplace. but when she comes home and relaxes around you, she would turn into a small little kitten that needed her favourite human pillow. just like how you had her pouting and leaning into your hands.

"things don't have to always go as planned. it's best if it did, but now that it didn't. we're here at this vintage shop and it looks like there's a lot of stuff to explore around here."

"sure we missed the sunset for a little, but we stumbled upon this place."

and with that, your girlfriend was back to her normal self.

"okay, but promise me you're not going to get too many things. nothing else is going to fit that glass case."

"yes, ma'am."

giving her a tiny salute and a cheeky smile, it was another mission success of making the best out of a (sorta) ruined date.

"I did mention not to get too many things, but you did get something that was very expensive."

"but it does take really good film pictures. plus, a good camera to fit the most beautiful model in the world."

yizhuo scoffed at the compliment but couldn't help but blush a little. thankfully, the downpour had come to a stop, only a small drizzle remained.

as you headed towards the restaurant that you had made reservation for, you couldn't help but feel super lucky at that moment as the sky was still lit and the ambience of the waves hitting the shore, as well as the drizzle adding its touch. along with the beautiful sight of her while her hair is blown by the wind, that gorgeous smile making you fall for her all over again.

arriving there, you were brought to your reserved table before ordering whatever she wanted on the menu. the wait wasn't too long, which was good as it was quite eventful before this meal. as you indulged in the local delicacies, you couldn't help asking yizhuo if she was in for some alcohol. and knowing her, she wouldn't pass on the offer.

you only drank a little as you would still need to drive back, as the foreman had mentioned that it wouldn't take till the next day to fix the car. just as you wrapped up your fulfilling meal, your phone rang, indicating the caller to be the foreman.

"yes, mr. lee. is the car done?"

"I'm very sorry miss, but I've called to inform you that we've come across another problem from the engine as we looked into it earlier. we would need another day for it as we are closing soon."

"ohh... umm... alright then. we'll look around for somewhere to stay for the time being. thank you very much."

hearing how you would need to look for somewhere to stay and seeing that apologetic smile plastered on your lips, yizhuo just knew that the plans for the day had changed for third time.

"we need to look for a motel?"

"hey! you don't need to put it that way."

the ends of your ears started burning a little as you hid your face in your hands, trying to lower the rising temperature of your cheeks. her word choice had caught you very off guard while she remained calm.

"it is what it is. plus, we could get separate rooms so why so shy?"

she was definitely having a great time teasing you.

you managed to find a decent place after asking the locals. but being there on the weekends only meant that there was no such things as vacancy. however, you still decided to shoot your shot, praying for two rooms.

"we've got only one room left, with a single bed."

and you definitely didn't expect that shot to miss entirely. it was better than no rooms at all, and it meant using the same room as yizhuo. you had to repeat that to yourself several times to fully register what you had heard. number 1, you had not slept over at her place before as you didn't want her housemates to feel uncomfortable with your unfamiliar presence. number 2, it would only be you and her in a room. nothing would probably happen, given that you would be sleeping on the couch.

"where are you going?"

"to sleep...?"

drying your hair with the provided towel, you glanced over to your girlfriend who already dried her hair and changed into a set of pajamas that you had got from a nearby shop. you were in a similar one with a different color, reminding you too much of what married couples would usually where in dramas. 'enough!', you thought.

as much as you wanted to wake the next morning in your arms, you held yourself back as it might make her uneasy. what if she's not used to sharing the bed with someone? what if she thinks it would be hot? what if you snore? what if―

before you could complete all the possible scenarios from overthinking, yizhuo stretched out her arms, telling you to hug her. and so you did. as you fell for her temptation, she pulled you in closer to make you fall onto the bed. as she leaned over to place her lips on yours, your brain short-circuited with too many things happening at once. pulling away, all she saw was a shocked puppy speechless and thoughtless.

"you good?"

"huh?"

"were you going to sleep on the couch?"

"yeah..."

it was as if you lost your ability to speak because all you could do was nod or give short answers to her questions. well, you were being considerate for your girlfriend in case she didn't want to share the bed with you and you were more than willing to let her have the bed for herself. after all, the bed wasn't the biggest and it was just fitting for two people, no more, no less. but she didn't mind at all.

"why when we could just sleep together?"

you hit her a few times for her choice of words and she just wondered what she said so wrong. 'sleep together', technically you were going to sleep together but not sleep together. there was a difference, but you were just being overly sensitive from the way that your body was in close proximity with yizhuo.

it wasn't like you didn't cuddle with her before in the living room while watching dramas and movies. it wasn't like you didn't hug her every single time you would leave by the end of the day. it wasn't like she wasn't already clingy and always finding an excuse to stick right next to you, be it be holding hands or just pulling you into a bear hug. but why was this time so different just because it was on a bed?

"you could take this as practice before we get married in the future."

right, that was why it made you so fidgety and anxious like a teenage girl who was in love with her first love. true enough, she was your first love, if you were to minus out the short fling back in high school that wasn't even a relationship nor situationship.

your relationship had not even turned 2 years old and yizhuo already had confidence in that you would marry her when the time comes. and she was darn right that you would. that day just sealed the deal where you definitely couldn't see yourself spending the rest of your life with someone else other than her.

the way she would enjoy your rants about sea animals that she couldn't care less, the way she reminds you about spending too much, the way she held your hand throughout the whole date.

although she wasn't interested in the many species of fishes that you knew, she didn't complain about it and just enjoyed how you were ecstatic about them. she would nag you a little about getting too many vintage cameras when you wouldn't even use some of them, but she knew that every single one you've bought had at least taken one picture of her. she knew that physical affection wasn't your way of expression where gift giving and words of affirmation was, she made sure that you felt hers.

just like this very moment, you could feel it through the way her gaze bores into your eyes, letting you know that she loved you as much as you did for her, if not more.

"okay, if you say so, wifey."

"oh? already agreeing to the proposal?"

"no way, I will be the one proposing to you in the best way possible when that day comes."

"but does that mean you want to marry me?"

yizhuo was glad to see how you snapped out of your trance with the playful banter between you and her. not only that, your string of thoughts had brought you to a conclusion that sounded like the best one to your life story.

"yes, ms. ning yizhuo. I would love to marry you."

"cause all I wanna do is be with you."

[marner2tavares]

cardigan series: on a saturday, in a cafe ❣️

jack hughes x reader

cardigan series masterlist

Ever since graduating college, life has been fast to say the least. Instead of going home to Michigan for the summer, you decided to spend your fifth summer staying in Colorado with the family of one of the girls you danced with. After telling her about your situation, how you felt like you couldn’t go back, she was more than happy to offer you a place to stay. 

Every year your parents begged you to come home for Independence Day, but you couldn't bring yourself to go back to the town that housed your only real heartbreak. 

You had boyfriends since him, but it was never the same. Never the same level of passion. Never the same level of love or family that the Hughes’ gave you. Never the same level of closeness with your boyfriend’s friends. Nothing could compare, love wise, to all those years ago. 

Now the time has come, graduation done. Time to start your real life. All summer you looked for anything affordable in the city, but New York is unfortunately very expensive. You found one apartment… shared with 4 people, only two bedrooms. After a long phone call with your mom, she convinced you to just take a look at places in Jersey. Jersey is a big place! You told yourself over and over again desperately trying to convince yourself that you wouldn’t run into him. 

And you didn’t. You’ve lived there for nearly 3 months now and you haven’t seen him anywhere. Hearing about him, though? That was a different story. You heard about him everywhere. You started bringing headphones with you wherever you went. You didn’t look up at the TVs when you were out drinking at your neighborhood bar. You were starting to be able to block it out, tuning out when the name “Jack” comes up in conversation. You just told people you didn’t understand or care for sports. After 3 months, you were finally starting to feel safe in the city. 

One Saturday morning, you walked into the same coffee shop you’ve walked into a few times a week for the duration of your stay in Jersey, ordered the same thing, and sat down at the same table to wait for your drink. You scrolled on your phone until you heard someone call your old nickname, a nickname you have been called in a long time. Your head snaps up to see who said it and seeing the owner of the voice, you could feel your palms start to sweat. Youngest of the Hughes brother, Luke was standing by the counter looking at you. 

“Oh my god, it’s actually you.” Luke said as he started walking over. You stood up from your table, accepting the hug he was giving you. You expected for that to feel out of place. It almost felt worse that it didn’t. “What are you doing in Jersey?” You took a deep breath before forcing yourself to reply. 

“I, uh, I live here now.” Luke’s eyes went wide.

“You live here?” You nodded your head, almost shyly. Luke looked perplexed. You decided to try to break the tension. You smiled with a light laugh and looked up at him. 

“You really grew, Luke.” He laughed too, thank god.

“Yeah, I kinda did. Hit the big 2-0.” Your stomach sank. The reality of how much time has passed hit you like a truck. Luke was 15 last time you saw him in person. 

“Yeah, I remembered.” There was a pause that felt so much longer than you’re sure it actually was. The barista called your names and Luke gave you a quick “be right back” and walked up to the counter to get both your drinks before sitting down at the table. Luke passed you your drink and you took a sip.

“How long have you lived here?” You took a deep breath.

“Uh.. almost since your birthday really.” Luke’s face fell a little bit.

“You didn’t call?” You cringed at the sadness in his eyes. Luke wasn’t just Jack’s little brother. He was like your little brother. You helped him with everything. You truly loved Luke like your own brother. 

“I just didn’t think you would want to see me.” You answered honestly. Luke looked down at his cup and then back up to you. 

“I’m always down to see you. I know Quinn would be too.” There's the other part. Quinn. God, you loved Quinn. He was your rock, almost more so than Jack. He practically helped raise you. Helped you through fights with Jack, picked you up from parties when you were too drunk to drive and too scared to call your mom, amongst countless other things. You missed him. You missed them all. You have for years. 

“I just didn’t know where we stood.” You took a pause. “And I was too scared of you guys hating me it was just easier to not reach out.” Luke just nodded for a second before he looked up with a small smile on his face. 

“Tell you what, you can make it up to me.” You let out a real laugh this time.

“Oh, how can I make it up to you, Luke?” You rested your chin on your palm.

“Come to my game tonight. We’re playing the Sabres, it should be a good game.” You let out a sigh and dropped your head a bit.

“I really don’t think Jack would want me there.” Luke leaned into the table a little bit.

“Never say never. I’ll leave you a ticket.” He noticed the deep breath you took and smiled at you. “Come.” You smiled at him and let out another sigh before looking back up at him. 

“I’ll be there.”

[eddiemunsons80sbaby]

Nobody's Fool: Chapter 1

Summary: You have bartended for years after you were forced to drop out of college due to family circumstances. You have dated your fair share of musicians, had your heart broken by one particular one, and have learned they are not be trusted. You have sworn off of them for the rest of your life. Then, one night, a new band plays at the bar, and against your better judgement, you can't help noticing the lead singer and guitar player. Could he possibly be different from the ones who came before him?

Warnings: 18+ Only due to eventual smut and language. There is also a toxic family relationship if that is triggering for you.

So, this is an EddiexOC that I have on my Wattpad and AO3. @mmunson86 recommended that I share some of my longer fics on here too. I know most people don't prefer that so I decided to edit it into a reader fic for here. I would love to know what everyone thinks and if this is something you'd be interested in reading more of. If so, I have quite a few other books I could do this with down the road. If not, I'll just stick to my one shots. 😂😂😂

MasterList

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28

“Joey, we need more vodka from the back!” you called out from behind the bar. 

“I’ll get you that vodka, sweetheart, when you finally let me have that date,” Joey countered, leaning across the bar, flashing you a smile and wiggling his eyebrows up and down. 

“In your dreams,” you chortled.

“You got that right. Every single night.”

“Ugh, you’re so disgusting,” you gagged. “Just go get the damn vodka. We have three bands playing tonight and John says we’re going to have quite the crowd. We need to make sure the bar is fully stocked.”

“Okay, okay,” Joey sighed, throwing his hands up in defeat. “You can’t blame a guy for trying.”

“You can when it’s the 100th time and he still fails,” you called over your shoulder as you checked the rest of the liquor. John had been adamant that you be as ready as possible before those doors opened for customers tonight. 

The first of the three bands had just finished sound check and the second was about to come on stage. They'd been alright but not enough to really catch your attention, just your average, mediocre local band. You came out from behind the bar to check all the condiments on the table and top them off if needed. 

“Your vodka, my queen,” Joey announced, making a big show of bowing and presenting two large bottles to you, one mid shelf, one low shelf. “Do you want me to grab the expensive shit or will these work for the night?”

“Those should be fine,” you replied. “I don’t see us getting high end clientele for a bunch of townie bands. Can you fill the condiments on the tables so we don’t have people asking for ketchup all night?”

Joey saluted you before heading off. You headed back behind the bar to clear the beer lines, pouring out a few ounces from each tap. There was nothing worse than having the taps malfunction when you had a bar full of drunks demanding more beer. Things got real rowdy, real fast when that shit happened and you were not in the mood for a bunch of belligerent drunks yelling at you because they couldn't drink until they couldn't see straight.

This job was supposed to be temporary, a stepping stone to something else. It was supposed to be a job that helped pay your way through college, but that's not what happened. Life happened and college fell by the wayside and here you were, four years later, still slinging drinks in this place. 

It wasn’t a bad gig. The tips were great and the regulars loved you. You got to hear some amazing bands play. Free live music was definitely a perk of your job. There was nothing that could turn your mood around faster than good, live music. You never had to rise before the sun, which worked for you because you had always been a creature of the night. Still, you felt a bit like a loser, still tending bar at twenty-five instead of moving on to a real career, as your mother always liked to remind you.

“Everything set?” John asked as he came striding out of his office. 

“As ready as we’re going to be,” you answered. 

The second band had just begun sound check. You weren't paying much attention, not expecting anything special, as you did a last wipe down of the bar and tables. Then you heard the voice come over the mic and you paused mid-swipe, your bar duties abandoned. That voice was incredible, excellent range and pitch. It had this sultry, raspy quality that made you think about sweaty bodies tangled up in one another amid the sheets. But it also had this soothing, pleasant tone that felt like being curled up in your bed on a cold day, the comforter cocooned around you. 

Forgetting all about the tables that needed cleaning, you turned to look at the stage because you had to see who that voice belonged to. Jesus Christ, what metalhead erotica novel did this man step out of? You head tilted, your hand coming up to your chest as your eyes raked over every inch of the beautiful man holding the guitar and singing into the mic. It should be a fucking crime to be that gorgeous.

He was tall, close to six feet with shoulders that filled out his tee quite nicely. He was lean but strong looking. As he shifted, the Iron Maiden tee rose up, revealing a bit of skin along his waist, just enough for you to glimpse the happy trail just above his button on those gloriously fitted ripped jeans and you couldn't help imagining where that trail might lead. Long, beautiful brown waves cascaded past his shoulders, moving around like the choppy waves of a stormy sea as his head rocked along to the strums of his guitar.

You were completely lost in the vision that was this man. You had seen endless musicians take this stage. You couldn’t even give someone a number if you wanted to, far too many to count. You had seen some beautiful men perform, men that could knock your senses loose with a look, but you had never seen anything like him. You didn’t know who he was, but you knew you were going to have to steer clear of him if you were going to stick to your promise to yourself. That one was trouble with a capital ‘T’.

“Hey John,” you said, walking back over to the bar, forcing yourself to turn away from the vision under the stage lights. “Who is the band that’s on stage right now? I’ve never seen them before.”

“Oh, that’s Corroded Coffin,” he said with a chuckle. “I was a bit hesitant when I saw their name. It sounded a bit cheesy, you know? But damn if they aren’t pretty good.”

“Yeah they are,” you agreed. “Why haven’t they ever played here before?”

“They usually play at the Hideout, and a buddy of mine saw them there the other week. He told me I needed to get them to come here because they were being wasted over there. They only gave them the Tuesday night slot, not much of a crowd. Even with a name like that, he swore they were one of the best bands he’s seen around town. So, I figured why the hell not? I like to give people a shot, especially the young ones just trying to find their place. Judging by what I’m hearing, they’ll be invited back.”

“Yeah…” you said, thinking you couldn’t possibly want anything less. It was going to be very hard to behave and avoid him if that guy was here on the regular. 

“Uh-oh,” Joey teased, finished with the condiments. “I know that look. You falling for another rockstar?”

“Shut up,” you snapped. “No, I am definitely not. In case you forgot, I have sworn off all musicians for the rest of my life. They’re all a bunch of douchebags, anyway.”

“Yeah…because I haven’t heard that song and dance before,” he snorted with a chuckle. “I’ve been trying to get you to give me a shot for years now but, sadly for me, I have not a musical bone in my body and you have a thing for musicians, particularly long haired guys who can play guitar.”

He gestured to your shirt and you looked down. You were wearing your Van Halen tee and yes, you did have a thing for Eddie Van Halen, but like, who didn’t? The man was a gorgeous rock god. 

“Actually,” Joey said, looking from your shirt to the stage, “I can see a resemblance there.”

“Oh shut up, there is not,” you scoffed, rolling your eyes. “Eddie Van Halen is rock royalty. He is a guitar prodigy. No one can compare to him.”

“If you say so,” he said with a shrug. “I don’t think I’m exactly the authority on hot rock gods.”

You tossed a rag at him, telling him to finish the tables. You hadn’t noticed that the music had stopped, so focused on trying to think of anything but the one thing you really shouldn’t be thinking about. You absolutely could not let yourself go there again, especially after the last time. You went back behind the bar and bent over to stock beer mugs on the shelf when you heard a whistle from behind you. 

“Well, that’s a lovely view. Hello there sweetheart. Can I get a beer?”

Standing, you spun around to come face to face with that ridiculously gorgeous man who had you paralyzed mere moments ago. If it was possible, he was even more beautiful up close. Those eyes, fuck, they were like melted chocolate, the kind that ran down your fingers on a hot summer day as you tried to eat your s'more as fast as you could. And his lips were so full and luscious, you just wanted to come across the bar, grab onto that shirt, yank him to her and find out what they felt like against hers. Your tongue ran over your bottom lip just imagining how they would taste. 

You quickly shook it off. No, you absolutely were not going there again. This guy may have the face of an angel, but you knew better. All these damn rock stars were the same. You grabbed a mug, filled it from the tap and slid it over to him before turning away to resume your job.

“Damn, that’s quite the cold shoulder,” he said, taking a sip of his beer. “I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure. Trust me, I would remember. So, what could I possibly have done to deserve that?”

“Oh, I’m sure you have a laundry list of offenses that could warrant that. I’m guessing you can handle a little chill. I can’t imagine I’m the first lady who’s given you the same treatment,” you said, keeping your back to him.

“That’s quite an assumption,” he said, sitting down on the stool, drumming his fingers on top of the bar. “You don’t even know me.”

“I know you,” you huffed with a harsh laugh. “I have known dozens of men just like you.”

“And what kind of man is that, exactly?”

“You think you’re a rock star even though you’re only part of a small townie band that plays for the local drunks each week and it makes you think you’re untouchable. Your guitar is just a metaphor for your dick. You have a complex about it and you treat it better than you’ve ever treated any woman. It was probably the only reason you got girls in high school. Hell, it's probably the only reason you get girls now. You play shows and look for some piece of ass to play around with and then the next show you look for a new one. Love them and leave them wanting more, right? If you do keep a girl around, you probably have another already lined up or one you’re already screwing on the side. You can’t stick with just one because it’s not how you’re built. You’re always looking for something more interesting or entertaining. Am I close?”

“Sweetheart, you couldn’t be farther away if you were on the moon,” he said. 

“Sure, of course,” you said, winking at him. “You’re that rare good guy musician.”

“I don’t know if I’d go that far,” he chuckled. “But how about we start with names? I’m Eddie.”

Fuck, this had to be a joke. His name could not be Eddie. You glanced down at your shirt and then back up at him and he smirked. 

“Yeah, like the guy on your shirt, but not named for him,” he said. “I mean, I would be honored as he is one of the sickest guitarists to ever live but he would have been a kid when I was born.” You just stared at him so he raised his eyebrows, holding his hand out. “And this is the part where you tell me your name.”

“Y/N,” you answered flatly. 

“Y/N, beautiful name for a beautiful girl,” Eddie smiled, winking at you. 

Your body was having a fierce internal battle between your brain and your desire. This guy was not only beautiful, but there was something about him, something that was pulling you in like a magnetic field and you were trying hard to repel it. You were telling yourself not to be fooled, but damn if you didn’t want to take your chances and see where this went. Joey was right. You had a problem with long haired guitar players, but this one was something else entirely. What was it about him?  

“So, Y/N, what do you say you let me take you out sometime?” he asked, lifting one eyebrow at you and you gripped the edge of the bar as your legs turned to jelly.

“No, I don’t think so,” you answered, determined to stay strong no matter what your body desired. And oh, it desired, you could feel it's desire pulsing between your legs.

“Why not?”

“”I already told you,” you stated. “I know your type. I’ve dated your type, and I’m not interested.”

“Well, that’s not fair. You don’t even know me. I promise you, I’m not like any guy who’s taken you out before. Sweetheart, I know for a fact you’ve never known anyone like me.”

Oh, you had no doubt of that but he was still a musician. You'd walked this path before and it only ended in heartbreak. You weren't doing it again. 

“Maybe not, but my answer is still no,” you told him firmly. “I am sure you will have your pick of ladies tonight after the show. Your band is really good. Clearly, you know you’re good looking. The girls will be lining up for you boys later. You’ll have no problem finding some fun.”

“What if I don’t want just any lady? What if I want the one standing in front of me?” he asked, leaning on the bar. Did he have any idea what his gaze did to you? He probably did. Guys like him always knew what they were doing and they enjoyed it. 

“Sorry, this one is not available. Now, if you don’t mind, I have to make sure we’re ready for the crowd tonight and don’t you need to get ready for your show?”

“You are going to go out with me,” Eddie said confidently as he rose from the stool. 

“Points for positivity,” you teased, heading to the back. You closed the door to the stockroom, sucking in great gulps of air. Damn, that boy was going to test all your resolve. 

So, I am not a fan of writing the Y/N. I had to here because they were just meeting but I am going to try to keep the pet names from here on out.

[twopoppies]

My little add to the "we don´t know if they are still together because they stopped signaling"

I take it just like when you were at the very beginning of your relationship in times when sm were on the rise - you shared literally everything there what´s your hour-to-hour life spend with your partner. Tons of kissing selfies that now 15 year later you find them embarassing rather than necessary. Writing statuses like "with my love rn", "about to go on a date with the love of my life" etc etc. You just needed to scream to the world that you are in relationship and how happy you are.

But after 15 years, you hardly ever take selfie with your partner (and definitely not the kissing one lol) and put it on sm, you don´t write anymore that you are with your partner because it´s a sure thing since you live with them. You just don´t have any need to share such a sure things like that you are in the same relationship for 15 years and with the very same partner. You don´t need anyone to know about it, those who know, know, others can speculate.

That´s exactly how I see their relationship. Why would they signal, they are no longer in their very late teens/early 20´s. Your relationship priorities changed over years and so their relationship priorities changed. They just don´t need us and we need to accept it. We can keep checking timelines, we can hope we´ll see the same pattern/larry references in their lyrics when new music will drop. But that´s pretty much all that they will give us.

Very much agreed. Although, I will add that at times it seems they go out of their way to do things that larries grab on to and these days it feels (to me) to be more calculated to keep the fanbase interested and interacting, than it is to “signal”. Maybe it’s both, but for the most part that’s how it feels.

[armoricaroyalty]

Previous | Chapter Start | Beginning | Next

author's note: now here are those wholesome sibling relationships we have all come to love and expect from my story!

Transcript under the cut.

Nakawe Palace // Armorican State Visit - Day 2

REPORTER | ...I'm live outside of Nakawe Palace, where the press and members of the public alike have gathered following unconfirmed reports that Crown Princess Rosalind has, for 3 years, conducted a secret relationship. REPORTER | This afternoon, Uspanian tabloid The Concordia Times broke the story of the Crown Princess's relationship with Komrebigan national—and accused murderer—Hakane Satō, also known as Mary Yokoyama. REPORTER | [offscreen] In 2013, Yokoyama was named as a person of interest in the still-unsolved disappearance of her husband, Noah Satō. She was questioned by Komorebigan police in 2013 and again in 2014, but released without charge. Blackwell Palace has yet to comment on this developing story... MARY | [offscreen] Are you sure this is a good idea? ROSALIND | Do you have a better one? MARY | No, but give me a week— ROSALIND | We don't have a week. ROSALIND | [in Komorebigo] Darling, is everything alright? You seem upset. MARY | [forcing a smile] I'm fine. [knock on door] ROSALIND | That's them, now. ROSALIND | You're late. MARY | Good to see you both. EMILY | Don't look at me! I was ready to go while he was still putting his contacts in. FREDERICK | Sorry. I was late getting back from Canarís. I ran into an old friend... ROSALIND | Well...whatever! Come in! Sit down! We need to talk... ROSALIND | So...I'm sure you've seen the news by now. FREDERICK | Heck, I've seen the reporters. They're still all outside, by the way. EMILY | Frederick... ROSALIND | Can you not be a smug know-it-all for 15 minutes? This is serious. ROSALIND | We don't know how the story got out. We're looking into potential leaks, but in the meantime, we can't allow the press to run with this. The longer it's in the headlines, the worse it'll be for the family. EMILY | I'm so sorry, Your Highness. This must be so difficult— FREDERICK | You've got friends in the press. Can't you get Vance Marshall or one of his cronies to kill this one for you? He's done it before. ROSALIND | It's too late for that. It's all over the Uspanian press and the major Armorican networks have already picked it up. Our only option now is damage control, and we'll need something big to bury this one. ROSALIND | [sighs] We need you. Both of you. EMILY | Both of us? FREDERICK | I don't think I like where this is headed... ROSALIND | [offscreen] The only thing that people love more than a royal scandal is a royal wedding. EMILY | ... FREDERICK | ... FREDERICK | Roz, are you shitting me? EMILY | Frederick— FREDERICK | You want me to propose just to bury an embarrassing story? ROSALIND | What's the big deal? You were going to do it, anyway— FREDERICK | get shit from the press every single day of my life! And you have never once lifted a finger to defend me, but I'm supposed to make major life decisions to spare you a couple weeks of bad press? ROSALIND | [offscreen] I am the Crown Princess— FREDERICK | Yeah! I know! You've never once let anyone forget it. ROSALIND | [offscreen] —I have to be beyond reproach. ROSALIND | Unlike you, I do not have the luxury of making mistakes. Everything I do has to be perfect, for the sake of the entire family! Everyone depends on me, Freddy! Do you really think the Armorican taxpayer would keep paying for your fuck-ups if I wasn't included in the bargain? FREDERICK | Oh, poor you, it must be sOoOo fucking hard being the chosen one! ROSALIND | IT'S NOT MY FAULT I WAS BORN FIRST YOU ENTITLED LITTLE— EMILY | [offscreen] [sobs] FREDERICK | ...Em?

[sir-yeehaw-paws]

Big Boss: What Happened?

Big Boss: Info Dump Request

@qoppybirdie requested:

This is my attempt at fulfilling that, with my own take on it. And probably a whole lot longer than OP wanted. But here we are. 

Google Doc version. NOW ACCEESIBLE (Opened Access)

As a quick aside, I personally consider Portable Ops canon to the timeline and lore. Not everyone does, but in this I will be using examples from Portable Ops, as to me, it’s canon. I’m aware this is debated, so I’m putting it out there first and foremost.

Here we go!

“Politics are a living thing. They change along with the times. Today’s good may be tomorrow's evil.”-The Boss, to Big Boss (then Naked Snake) during the Virtuous Mission, 1964.

Big Boss, known as John/Jack, was born in the USA in 1935. Almost nothing of his life is known until the age of 15/16, when he met The Boss in 1950, becoming her apprentice. The Boss served as his mentor, and remains one of the most defining figures in his life, up until his death in 2014. Soon after meeting The Boss, John fought in the Korean War, and was part of nuclear testing in Bikini Atoll, in 1954.

This puts the FOX unit in jeopardy, and at risk of execution unless they can prove America wasn’t involved, with Big Boss given the task of rescuing Dr. Sokolov for a second time, assassinating the Boss, and as they put it “if possible, Colonel Volgin”. Volgin happens to have a metal gear, but that’s secondary to this story believe it or not.

This is the Operation where he also meets Ocelot, and Eva. Both of whom we’ll get back to later.

Cue Operation Snake Eater, and what is arguably the start of a nearly 60 year downfall for Big Boss. Big Boss defeats the Shagohod Metal Gear and Volgin, (does not manage to save Sokolov) and kills The Boss. When he returns to the United States, he’s given a medal for his service, and is left with a feeling of emptiness, grief and a whole lot of unanswered questions.

Whenever I think about the spiral of Big Boss, I tend to come back to the moment here, (and the one later, when he’s at the Boss’ grave). It can be argued that he never, ever recovers from this. While it takes him a lifetime to understand it, by the time of his death in 2014,he has fallen so far from the man he once was that it’s only at death he can acknowledge what he’s become, to his clone son  Solid Snake,(Dave).

“Boss, you only need one Snake now..no, the world would be better without Snake’s.” Big Boss (at the Boss’ grave to Solid Snake, in 2014)

I could almost end this here, on the notion that he was used by the military to kill someone he loved and cared about, and lost all sense of what he believed in, and himself, in doing so. That the next 60ish years are just him going through the motions, attempting to come to a conclusion that doesn’t exist.

Why was he used? Why was he the one that needed to pull the trigger? Big Boss wasn’t exactly what I’d call an ‘idealist’ before that, but he did hold certain preconceived beliefs about his place in the world, and what he was meant to do with it. And that he had all of them wiped aside in an instant, all to save face for a country that would discard him at a moment's notice.

Before she was assassinated, the Boss was legendary as a soldier, and an American. She was idolised by her country and the people she served and worked with. When we find out later that her defection was part of a mission, and that it was jeopardised by Volgin behaving in a way nobody saw coming, it took nothing for them to discard her. When Big Boss is being awarded a service medal and the president attempts to shake his hand, I can imagine those are the thoughts playing on loop in his head.

They honour him now, in the moment. Yet a week before he was almost going to be executed by that same government and country, and his mentor, someone so beloved by the USA, was given that exact fate

He realizes here that his role, his personhood means nothing in the greater scope of war, and he’s supposed to just stand there, accept a handshake and pretend this total farce is a good thing?

Just like she told him, “Today's enemy, tomorrow’s friend.” That was a lesson the Boss understood before he did, and it’s one that he grasps all too well afterwards..to a degree. Big Boss we come to see is betrayed again and again by the people around him, because up to a certain point, he allows people into his life. In the same need for human connection and meaning all people have. Something that is abused countless times by the people close to him.

It takes years, but at some point, he does eventually give up. As we’ll see. 

Following Operation Snake Eater, Big Boss leaves the military for a bit. He works at various jobs like hunting guides, only to go back to fighting and meet and rescue Frank Jaeger  during the Mozambican War of Independence in 1966, but ultimately ends up doing mercenary work. In 1970, he’s captured via drugging by another rogue FOX unit, headed by a rogue agent known as GENE in what became the San Hieronymo Incident. 

Gene had an idea, a nation of soldier’s. Made by soldier’s for soldiers.

This will sound extremely familiar, as it is almost verbatim to what Big Boss ends up creating himself later on. Outer Heaven. Even though the San Hieronymo Incident ends in Gene’s defeat, and with Big Boss returning to the USA and forming The Patriots with his former commander, Major Zero and members of the unit in Operation Snake Eater. Such as SIGINT (Donald Anderson), Para-Medic, Ocelot and Eva. Using some of the Philosopher’s Legacy, (money), The Patriots started out as an attempt to unify the world, but expanded and corrupted far beyond that original goal.

Big Boss himself leaves the Patriots in 1972, after facing the second major betrayal via the creation of Les Enfants Terribles (aka, ‘The Terrible Children), under Para-Medic’s care. Without telling Big Boss, or asking his consent, LET was undergone using Big Boss’ DNA, with an unnamed egg donor and Eva as the surrogate to make his clone sons, Solid Snake and Liquid Snake (Eli). As well as the ‘perfect clone’ Solidus Snake, (George). (He was not surrogated by Eva, however).

“They’re no sons of mine.” “Just a bunch of cells grown in a lab?”

“What they are is much sicker than that.”- John and Ocelot discussing the clone sons, in 1984.

LET existed because Zero and Para-Medic wanted to ensure the continuation of Big Boss’ genes and soldier capabilities. He saw them as an abomination and betrayal. After learning of LET, Big Boss leaves the Patriots, and the United States. Working again as a mercenary for higher. 

No matter what he does, he cannot get himself out of warzones. 

“The Boss and I may have gone down different paths, but we were trapped in the same cage.”- Big Boss to Solid Snake, in 2014

Really quick, the definition of a mercenary according to Merriam Webster is; ‘one that serves merely for wages’. They mostly find themselves in warzones, but they are not fighting on behalf of a country. They are not conscripted or drafted. The gain is purely financial. But most specifically, a mercenary is hired ‘for foreign conflicts’ in particular. This is largely because a country may want to get involved in a certain conflict, or mission, but are unable to legally, or without raising suspicions. Thus, they hire a non-related mercenary, for pay, to do what they cannot.

This is the sort of environment Big Boss finds himself operating in more often than not. He’s fresh off a second betrayal, mistrustful and hurt, and finds himself on the lam and a gun for hire in Columbia, eventually ending up hired by the Colombian government to work with their army.  I can imagine his attitude in Columbia being one that is grieving, disillusioned and bitter. It’s here that he comes upon a guerilla squad commanded by Kazuhira Miller, and wipes them out. Except for Miller. Who he ‘recruits’ under the idea of it being non-negotiable. Kaz is the only survivor, and if he doesn’t stay with Big Boss, he’ll be executed. (Instead, Big Boss blackmails a commander who could be responsible for it, in order to keep Kaz off the chopping block). Which is a nice little fact to hang over Kaz’s head, should he choose to escape.

Heiwa to Kazuhira no Blues (the Peace Walker audio drama) expands on this a great deal. His ‘recruitment’ is no simple thing, and Big Boss also puts Kaz through a number of rigged trials he knows Kaz can’t win, in order to further cement his place under him. Combining that in conjunction with the fact that Kaz will be executed should he not ally with Big Boss (and I’ll point out here that yes, Kaz does try to blow himself and Big Boss up with a grenade but does he really want to die?) it’s something of a hopeless situation and somewhat one-sided.

The entire relationship and scenario with Kaz is complicated enough on its own. Kaz isn’t a fully innocent victim either, but it is at this point and time that one can see a significant shift happening in Big Boss’ mindset. There’s a sinister element to the trials he puts Kaz through, and yet, there’s still a part of him that clings to the idea of companionship. He’s edging closer to the dark end of grey in his climbing scale, but he has not yet crossed that point.

Kaz spearfishing during one of the trials (art by Yoji Shinkawa)

Defeated, Kaz joins Big Boss, and as his subcommander they form one of the first ever PMC’s (or, Private Military Company)-Militaires Sans Frontières (Army without Borders, or MSF). The concept of the PMC later takes over in the world (and the disastrous environment Solid Snake finds himself dealing with come 2014). While in MSF, Big Boss finds himself in Costa Rica to deal with the Peace Walker incident, and becomes allied there with some revolutionaries from the Sandinista National Liberation Front, who are under the command of Amanda Valenciano Libre, after the death of her father (the original commander). And via Amanda, Big Boss meets her brother, Ricardo Valenciano Libre, or. Chico.

Chico is where this gets complicated. Chico is around 12 years old at the time, and one of the key elements to where we see Big Boss’ mindset shifting fully. While he’s still somewhat optimistic, even a little goofy at times (the way we see him in Snake Eater), Chico’s situation is a mixed bag. On the one hand, it’s easy to argue that Chico being part of the MSF is one of the only alternatives he could have at the time. He’s in the middle of a warzone with his sister. If he’s not under Big Boss, where else can he go? What else can he reasonably do?

-What makes discussing Big Boss so tricky, I think-and why I believe it’s almost impossible to say he had some sort of ‘turning point’, is that it is completely possible to look at everything he does, everything that happens, and find a way to excuse or come up with a justification, or even logic for it. This is not me saying that he is right, or a good person. Metal Gear cannot just be boxed into ‘good’ or ‘evil’ it is grey. It is supposed to be grey. It centres around people and themes that do not have such simplistic barriers to work with. That is the point.-

-The downfall of Big Boss does not happen overnight. It is a slow burning wreck that expands and grows. It is the make-up and conclusion of many factors, incidents and events. It happens slowly, and sometimes it happens below the surface.-

For all intents and purposes, Chico is a child soldier. But is that Big Boss’ fault? Children are as wrapped up in war as any other. War does not care if you’re a child, or an adult. Did Chico truly have anywhere else to go?

I don’t really have an answer to that. And I’m going to admit it out right. What I will say is that early on in Chico’s recruitment, Big Boss rescues Chico, but he doesn’t want to go back with him because he’s ashamed of giving up information (link should be time stamped for access) about the others to the enemy.

There are MANY ways to interpret this moment. I’ve seen various interpretations of it myself, but here’s how I’m going to explain it. As per how I see it. Again, this is a complicated story and scenario-and people’s view on it is going to differ a lot. One of the points I really want to stress in this far-too-long essay here is that none of what we see comes with the easiest answers. It’s all layered. How you view a moment may differ from how someone else views it. 

Anyway, to me, I’m going to put it like this. Big Boss knows that Chico doesn’t mean that. What I can’t say for sure is if he’d have really shot him or not (I don’t think he would’ve, not only because he promised Amanda he’d bring Chico back, and if nothing else Big Boss will usually complete his missions. But that as far as we know, he never outright executes a child in the series). But Chico does not know this. Big Boss is, essentially, showing Chico that no, he doesn't want to die, come on now. And that breaking under the situation isn’t something he needs to feel guilty about. Nor, is it worth dying for.

WE can assume that Big Boss isn’t going to hurt him. WE can realise that but there is no way for Chico to hold the same understanding here. 

But Chico isn’t a man. Chico is a child. When Chico dies in 1975, Skullface says something very similar. Negating the fact that at the end of the day, this is no adult. 

“No more wargames, you’re a real man now, soldier”.-Skullface (to Chico when he’s a tortured prisoner in Camp Omega, 1975)

Here, Big Boss is visibly (I can assume anyway) attempting to encourage Chico. Prove to him that he doesn’t want to die, and that he doesn’t need to die for the infraction he believes himself to have made. (None of Chico’s compatriots blame him for giving up information, and why would they? He is a kid).

But did he? Big Boss can think that the ‘child’ died,  and he became a man. But is any of that really true? Is Chico not as much a child now as he is when he dies a year later?

I find it very significant that the artist, Ashley Wood, has Big Boss completely in shadow here. It says a lot about what Chico must be feeling, and how we (the audience) might be meant to interpret him. There is none of the silly dork we know Big Boss to have been a decade prior. There is none of the innocence and even almost child-like awkwardness he was so beholden to. So much of his optimism, his original outlook and hope, is eradicated by this point.

Chico, I’ll note really quick is never seen off-radio. He is kept ‘safe’ (if you can call it that) on the MSF base itself. And working as radio support. I’ll note too that Chico always wants to be seen as an ‘adult’ by the people around him. But, come on. I’m sure we all remember being 13. I’m sure everyone had that ‘I am desperate to be mature and taken seriously’ awkward teen phase. That doesn’t change the fact that he’s still a child, who is stealing Amanda’s cigarettes one moment, and laughing about his favourite monsters and cryptids the next.

It’s no more justified (in my opinion) than Huey Emmerich is when he uses the absolutely pathetic reasoning behind letting a 4-year-old Hal pilot Sahelanthropus.

“He (Hal) wanted to get in!”-Huey Emmerich to Revolver Ocelot under torture. 1984. 

What Hal may have wanted is irrelevant to the fact that you don’t let a kid touch a hot stove because they want to. It is on the adults around them to make sure they don’t do things they can’t control. Granted, Chico is old enough in Peace Walker to have very valid feelings about what he might want, and more than old enough for personal agency, but still young enough to where adults around him should be protecting him.

And I know that in war, the rules are not the same. I understand that. Later on we see a 12 year old Liquid Snake and child soldiers in situations no child should be in, but does that mean they still didn’t need protection? In any case, I’m too close to getting off topic here, so let’s keep going.

We will see him goofing off a bit more in Peace Walker. But it is important to note that by its end, Big Boss’ ideology, and his view on the world has shifted a lot. 

He also comes to find out that Kaz was employed by Zero (now going by ‘Cipher’) and working as a spy. Marking the third time Big Boss is betrayed by someone close to him. In this, I’m sort of torn. My personal interpretation of the ‘spy Kaz’ bit is extensive and doesn’t quite belong here, but I’ll note that it’s another way in which Big Boss comes to find that he can’t trust anyone that it doesn’t matter how close someone is to him, they are going to find a way to stab him in the back.

He’s already become more and more cynical around this point, and it is not aided by finding out the truth about Kaz either. The cloud around Big Boss darkens all the more. 

By the end of Peace Walker, Big Boss has come to learn what he thinks is the truth about the Boss. When she put down her gun (stopped fighting) she (in his mind) betrayed the ideology and beliefs that he feels she taught him, and when Big Boss ‘let’s go’ of her (in disgust, as he takes this to be an example of her betraying the will of the soldier, and him). I don’t fully grasp how he comes to this conclusion, but in letting the Boss ‘go’ (by removing her bandana) he shifts again, willingly keeping a nuke on Mother Base in the MSF (at Kaz’s suggestion, I’ll note) To Big Boss, I guess he might see this as the fourth betrayal.

With another metal gear defeated, Big Boss declares the following to the MSF:

"We have no nation, no philosophy, no ideology. We go where we're needed, fighting not for country, not for government, but for ourselves. We need no reason to fight. We fight because we are needed. We will be the deterrent for those with no other recourse. We are soldiers without borders, our purpose defined by the era we live in."-Big Boss to the MSF, after the Metal Gear ZEKE battle.

But this is not where that speech ends. Big Boss is under few illusions about the sort of man he’s become, and he tells his men much the same.

Fairly self explanatory, in my opinion.

Thus, the MSF becomes a nuclear power. And this is the mindset that Big Boss has when he goes into the Ground Zeroes mission at Camp Omega. Chico has escaped to go rescue Paz and Skullface has planned an attack on Mother Base while they’re gone. The inspection approved by Huey Emmerich (who didn’t ask Big Boss or Kaz first, and was apparently under the belief it was legitimate..and I don’t know if it’s true or not, I can never fully come to a conclusion there). 

The base explodes, and while Kaz is seething and raging, Big Boss is left so shell shocked all he can do is sit motionless while Kaz shakes him repeatedly. Attempting to get any sort of answer from him. Answers Big Boss doesn’t give, nor does he have. After all, it’s not his fault the base went up in flames. The end result is the death of Paz and Chico, and the start of a 9-year- coma for Big Boss.

And, for the medic on that chopper, whom Ocelot and Zero turn into Venom Snake. Big Boss’ phantom and living body-double. Fully hypnotized, brainwashed and made into another man, all without his consent.

The creation of Venom alone is gregarious enough, but Big Boss didn’t sign off on Venom. He was already made by the time he wakes up in 1984. But aside from a moment of protesting it, Big Boss embraces it. Allowing Venom to wake up in a hospital that’s largely blown to shreds and turned into a massacre under XOF (Skullface’s unit), all so he and Venom can escape under cover. Countless people die in that hospital, and Big Boss has become arrogant and callous enough to where it doesn’t matter to him.

Ocelot is also the only one aware of the truth. (Someone Big Boss doesn’t seem to mind having that right, since up to this point, and the rest of his life, Ocelot is one of the few people who doesn’t betray him). Kaz, by contrast, has been completely abandoned and cast aside by him. And not told about Venom being a different man (until later). Which has a real element of cruelty in it, in my opinion. Especially since it’s Venom who saves Kaz after he’s been a POW for a while. But that’s another post in it’s own way.

Big Boss wakes up a new man, with a new (stolen) identity, and with his body double firmly in place and Ocelot pleasantly self-hypnotized to carry it out, he leaves to go begin the formation of Outer Heaven. Free to let others do his dirty work, while he continues to operate by himself. 

Putting aside the fact that he looks damn good here-that isn’t the face of a guy with a whole lot of humanity left in him.

Remember Zero? Let’s go back to him for a quick moment. Because it’s at this point in the timeline that Big Boss begins to embrace a concept that was originally propagated by Zero when they were still all working together as the Patriots. By the early 1970’s, Big Boss had a pretty good reputation behind him as legendary soldier. And Zero believed it would be a good call to emphasise that narrative. It was beneficial to have Big Boss’ legend spread throughout, and continued. It’s also important to note that Big Boss himself rejected being called ‘Big Boss’ as he believed the title should only belong to the Boss.

In San Hieronymo, he’s called ‘Snake’ (much like his original codename, Naked Snake) and in Peace Walker the sandinistas often call him ‘Vic Boss’ as they compare him to Che Guevara (as does Kaz). The comparisons to Guevara do not end there, as historically, Guevara was most known for having several jobs under his belt, and being a key figure in the Cuban Revolution. Until his execution by the CIA in 1965. Personal opinions of Guevara are extensive and far beyond the scope of what I’m going to cover here, and will undoubtedly vary by person. Thus, I’ve left it as a link. He was a radical revolutionary in his lifetime, and is mentioned periodically in conjunction with Naked Snake, which paints a suggested idea of how some characters in-series viewed Big Boss as a person.

This being a good or bad thing, is again up to personal interpretation. 

Either way, it’s notable (for me and I guess for the purpose of this essay) that up until the end of Peace Walker, Big Boss largely rejects the idea of being a figurehead, a martyr or particularly legendary. That is no longer the case in the 80’s. Where he is fully ‘Big Boss’ as we know him, and absolutely fine with leaving people in the line of fire (consent or otherwise) after a long coma, one too many betrayals, and the full disillusionment of his original beliefs at the hands of a lot of hurt, and years of pain and complicated warfare.

I don’t know that I’d consider Big Boss was ever a ‘humble’ sort of man. In the very beginning of his first mission we see him doing (the Halo Jump into the Virtuous Mission) he’s arrogantly smoking and ignoring the man telling him to put on his mask. But by the end of the 80’s he’s gone completely into the beast he and others created, arrogant and without care.

While Venom is working on the Diamond Dogs (who are also later transferred to Outer Heaven, while Big Boss himself operates Foxhound), he’s (at some point) reuniting with Frank Jaeger (now Gray Fox, at some point rescues and recruits Sniper Wolf, and building up Zanzibarland). By the 1990’s, Big Boss is kidnapping scientists, building metal gears, has children he saved on his base, and is nothing like the man we saw in the mid 60’s.

Hey, speaking of kidnapping, let’s go over how soldiers get ‘recruited’ to the MSF, Diamond Dogs (again yes I know that’s Venom), Outer Heaven, etc. Starting with the MSF, (but there was a taste of it in the San Hieronymo Incident), soldiers are knocked out and dragged back to the base. They’re left in the brig for a little bit, and come out completely and utterly loyal to Big Boss.

How loyal?

“We live and die by your order, Boss!”-Diamond Dogs infected with the Vocal Cord Parasite mutation, just before being mercy executed by Venom Snake.

That loyal.(Again, it’s best to operate when talking about Venom Snake in this specific case as if he and Big Boss are one in the same, because it’s not exactly about the man, but the situation, the cult for lack of a better word, of Big Boss). To these soldiers, who they are as people doesn’t matter as much as what the Boss demands. It’s that same energy, that mindset, that had Venom Snake (then the Medic) throw himself in front of a flaming chopper to save Big Boss’ life.

And where Big Boss might’ve questioned that sort of thing beforehand, by the time of Diamond Dogs, Outer Heaven etc, it is fully embraced. It’s fine that he’s got another man doing plenty of his dirty work (without his consent). It’s fine that he left Kaz because Kaz hurt him and betrayed him and he doesn’t deserve to hear otherwise. It’s fine that thousands die in a burning hospital to save his own life.

And then it’s later ‘fine’ when a young Solid Snake (who doesn’t know he’s Big Boss’ son) is sent into Outer Heaven during Operation Intrude N313, to kill who he thinks is Big Boss, but is actually Venom Snake.

Venom Snake, who has now spent 11 years as Big Boss himself, who has one last mission to die. As Big Boss for Big Boss. Again. The tape to Venom is Big Boss at what I believe is one of his most arrogant moments yet. In it, he thanks Venom *sort of* for his work, and how he’s helped him build up their shared legend. A legend that later Big Boss takes all the credit for. Because Outer Heaven explodes, and the man is all but erased from memory. Absorbed back into Big Boss yet again. 

For a man that wanted to create a nation where soldiers mean something, and are revered, Venom’s discarded pretty quick (and he never agreed to be there to begin with). I cannot say if the Medic would’ve agreed to become Big Boss if he’d even been able to, but I can say that it is hard to deny that he’s used as much as any other soldier. Because at this moment, Big Boss now believes that dying on a battlefield is the only way to go, and Venom should be honoured to be him. Or ‘them’ as Big Boss puts it.

“I am you, and you are me.This story, this legend, it’s ours. I cheated death thanks to you.”-Big Boss to Venom Snake. 

And then Venom dies, all but forgotten. His purpose has been served. His job is done. He’s no longer needed. Him, nor any of the soldiers who die in Outer Heaven. With Solid mostly oblivious to the secondary layers happening below. (Big Boss has absolutely no issue using Solid, either. He’s past the point of caring). I can imagine someone telling Solid, “This guy used to laugh about eating glowing mushrooms that recharge his batteries” and being unable to believe it.

When Solid Snake faces down Big Boss for the second time in 1999, he is past the point of caring about anything that isn’t war. His speech to Solid in Zanzibarland before Solid defeats him is infamous, and sums up his general view of the world in a nice, succinct fashion for Solid (and the audience). 

This is the culmination of decades of hurt, betrayals and the knowledge that he is a man built and bred for the war machine. Big Boss has come to a point where he’s suffered enough, experienced enough, that war is all he can understand. War is all that he can possibly care about. He has stopped being able to feel, to connect with people. He is hollowed out, hardened and fully embracing the man he’s turned himself into.

These are not excuses. Big Boss can be a victim of his fate and the war machine, and still not be in the right here. The two can and in this case I’d argue, do very much co-exist. As I said above, his ‘downfall’ was not a matter of tripping down some steps. It was a slow, consistent decline that eventually accumulated. Despite this, Solid does defeat him, and Big Boss is put in stasis for the next few years. Left quite literally on ice. Conscious, but trapped in his body. 

Don’t YOU make your clone son kill your body double and use him almost as badly as others used you? No? (Solid Snake and Big Boss, Metal Gear Solid 2, Yoji Shinkawa)

“I never saw you as a son. But as a man, a soldier.”-Big Boss to Solid Snake, 2014

We know how this story ends. Big Boss spends a bunch of time on ice, gets re-fitted with body parts taken from Solidus’ and dies of the new Foxdie virus (which also kills Eva and Ocelot, just like it did Liquid before) in the same cemetery where most of it started. Leaning up against the Boss’ grave. Aware that he spent decades misunderstanding her will, and that he never quite got it right in life.

How then, would I wrap this up? Well, I guess you could say that I’ve cheated a little. Because I never truly answer the question, “how does Big Boss become evil”, did I? I suppose some of it’s because, as I summed up earlier, I just don’t see it as such a simple case. I do believe that we’re all meant to have our own interpretation, at the end of the day, and the easiest way to summarise it might be that a man becomes so enmeshed in the war machine, that he turns into the very machine himself.

Big Boss had child soldiers (but did the kids fight?). Big Boss used, and abused many people (and was used and abused himself). Big Boss created PMC’s (with help). Big Boss had nukes (at the suggestion of others).

Etc, etc.

At the end of the day, I’ll conclude this long, rambling spiral of thoughts to say that the moment Big Boss ‘turns’ is up to interpretation. Which may seem like a cowards way out, but is it not true? Whenever I pose the question, I see many different answers and responses out in the wild.

This, therefore, is my own take on it. My attempt. And I know I’ve probably forgotten something (or many something’s) but I personally, will end here.

If you made it this far, congratulations! I cannot believe how long this got, and thanks for coming along with me.

By,

Nate

[elettralightwood]

Do you know, I’ve realised I’ve never actually told you what I thought the first time we met? You see, for me, memories are difficult. Very often, they hurt. A curious thing about grief is the way it takes your entire life, all those foundational years that made you who you are, and makes them so painful to look back upon because of the absence there, that suddenly they’re inaccessible. You must invent an entirely new system. I started to think of myself and my life and my whole lifetime worth of memories as all the dark, dusty rooms of Buckingham Palace. I took the night Bea left rehab and I begged her to take it seriously, and I put it in a room with pink peonies on the wallpaper and a golden harp in the center of the floor. I took my first time, with one of my brother’s mates from uni when I was seventeen, and I found the smallest, most cramped little broom cupboard I could muster, and I shoved it in. I took my father’s last night, the way his face went slack, the smell of his hands, the fever, the waiting and waiting and terrible waiting and the even worse not-waiting anymore, and I found the biggest room, a ballroom, wide open and dark, windows drawn and covered. Locked the doors. But the first time I saw you. Rio. I took that down to the gardens. I pressed it into the leaves of a silver maple and recited it to the Waterloo Vase. It didn’t fit in any rooms. You were talking with Nora and June, happy and animated and fully alive, a person living in dimensions I couldn’t access, and so beautiful. Your hair was longer then. You weren’t even a president’s son yet, but you weren’t afraid. You had a yellow ipê-amarelo in your pocket. I thought, this is the most incredible thing I have ever seen, and I had better keep it a safe distance away from me. I thought, if someone like that ever loved me, it would set me on fire. And then I was a careless fool, and I fell in love with you anyway. When you rang me at truly shocking hours of the night, I loved you. When you kissed me in disgusting public toilets and pouted in hotel bars and made me happy in ways in which it had never even occurred to me that a mangled-up, locked-up person like me could be happy, I loved you. And then, inexplicably, you had the absolute audacity to love me back. Can you believe it? Sometimes, even now, I still can’t.

You shut the fuck up.

I can’t decide if your emails make me miss you more or less. Sometimes I feel like a funny-looking rock in the middle of the most beautiful clear ocean when I read the kinds of things you write to me. You love so much bigger than yourself, bigger than everything. I can’t believe how lucky I am to even witness it—to be the one who gets to have it, and so much of it, is beyond luck and feels like fate. I can’t match you for prose, but what I can do is write you a list. AN INCOMPLETE LIST: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HRH PRINCE HENRY OF WALES. 1. The sound of your laugh when I piss you off. 2. The way you smell underneath your fancy cologne, like clean linens but somehow also fresh grass (what kind of magic is this?). 3. That thing you do where you stick out your chin to try to look tough. 4. How your hands look when you play piano. 5. All the things I understand about myself now because of you. 6. How you think Return of the Jedi is the best Star Wars (wrong) because deep down you’re a gigantic, sappy, embarrassing romantic who just wants the happily ever after. 7. Your ability to recite Keats. 8. Your ability to recite Bernadette’s “Don’t let it drag you down” monologue from Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. 9. How hard you try. 10. How hard you’ve always tried. 11. How determined you are to keep trying. 12. That when your shoulders cover mine, nothing else in the entire stupid world matters. 13. The goddamn issue of Le Monde you brought back to London with you and kept and have on your nightstand (yes, I saw it). 14. The way you look when you first wake up. 15. Your shoulder-to-waist ratio. 16. Your huge, generous, ridiculous, indestructible heart. 17. Your equally huge dick. 18. The face you just made when you read that last one. 19. The way you look when you first wake up (I know I already said this, but I really, really love it). 20. The fact that you loved me all along. I keep thinking about that last one ever since you told me, and what an idiot I was. It’s so hard for me to get out of my own head sometimes, but now I’m coming back to what I said to you the night in my room when it all started, and how I brushed you off when you offered to let me go after the DNC, how I used to try to act like it was nothing sometimes. I didn’t even know what you were offering to do to yourself. God, I want to fight everyone who’s ever hurt you, but it was me too, wasn’t it? All that time. I’m so sorry. Please stay gorgeous and strong and unbelievable.

And you also shut the fuck up

They make me want to curl into a little ball and cry for the rest of my life

[ididntwanttohavetohauntyou]

On the double standards of Taylor’s love life and Swifties’ role in Taylor’s reputation

{Fair warning: this is kind of long and I actually originally wrote it during the Ratty stuff but it’s relevant now and this post from @9w1ft (specifically the tweet) made me think that maybe this needed to be really laid out there. }

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming to know what Taylor’s sexuality is definitively, nor am I suggesting that every relationship she’s had with a man was fake, or that she is a lesbian. I myself have experienced enough bi erasure and biphobia to know better, but I had to put this out there explicitly so hetlors don’t have that as a “gotcha”.

Swifties have the lowest possible standards for whom they consider to be a boyfriend of Taylor’s.

Their standards are a) the media has to stir something up b) they have to interact distantly in some public capacity before they c) walk around together (holding hands or not).

I can give you the names so many women with whom Taylor acted like that, often for longer periods of time and with more interaction than a couple dinners and pap walks or whatever she’s done with those men. And that’s without time to go do research which would doubtlessly turn up more names.

To name some examples:

Karlie Kloss, Diana Agron, Selena Gomez, Gigi Hadid, Blake Lively, Cara Delevingne, Martha Hunt, Sophie Turner, Lorde, all three Haim sisters, Zoe Kravitz, Emma Stone, Camila Cabello, Lily Aldridge, Lily Donaldson.

(To be clear, I’m not suggesting that Taylor dated all or most of those women.)

Now, I have no doubt that if most swifties looked up photos of Taylor with a lot of those women they’d go “they aren’t even doing anything in that picture” or “they’re just walking side by side” or whatever else.

THAT’S THE POINT

I’m 1000% sure that if you photoshopped a man into basically any of those pics people would assume they’re dating because they’re walking together.

Almost all of Taylor’s supposed boyfriends have had significantly less interaction with her than those women, but people don’t hesitate to say she’s dating the men. Her team can and will deny it, but swifties will add a name to their list anyway, and that creates a whole other problem.

The sl*t shaming:

In my opinion, the sl*t shaming that Taylor has experienced for about the last 15 years has been, at least in part, because of swifties who jump to conclusions about men she’s seen with. When her own fans believe she’s dated however many guys, it’s that much easier for the media to repeat that and twist it to be negative.

If you wouldn’t look at a random guy and girl standing within a few feet of each other or walking together and come to the conclusion that they must be dating, why do you assume that about Taylor? Or, for that matter, does every person of the opposite gender that you associate with have to be your SO?

[And yes that can easily be turned around on Gaylors, but the whole point is that we aren’t solely using proximity to link potential exes or lovers to Taylor. We actually do the analysis of the lyrics, we break down the connections, we do the research.]

My point is that swifties have contributed on a large scale to Taylor’s sl*t shaming in a way that should make them think twice about who they claim she’s dating. Unfortunately as we’ve seen with this M*tty situation {and now the football guy}, they don’t seem to have the self awareness to realize how they’ve aided such a disgusting campaign of hate.

One more thing: you can say that no one will say those things now anyway because Taylor is on top of the world and they wouldn’t dare sl*t shame the Queen of Pop or “The Music Industry”. You might even be right. But if you do this and feel no guilt or shame over how your actions may have played a part in the several intense periods of sl*t shaming that Taylor has gone through previously, you need to think about why that is.

Taylor said it best in her speech at the Grammy museum in September 2015. She was introducing Blank Space and talking about the situation that made her write the song.

“In the last couple of years the media have had a really wonderful fixation on kind of painting me as like the psycho serial dater girl… It got pretty out of control there for a couple of years because… every article would be like, Taylor Swift Standing Near Some Guy. Watch Out Guy!”

That sounds insane, and it was definitely worse then than it is now, but the fact that it’s happening right now at all is ridiculous. Swifties need to stop helping the media tie Taylor’s name to men as if that makes her relevant. She’s a highly awarded singer, songwriter, and performer who has set and broken records (and then broken the ones she’s set) countless times. Swifties need to stop pretending that dating someone is what makes her interesting or we’re no better than the people who think she only writes breakup songs.

[samsayswhatever]

Loki's missing centuries

If Loki had to time slip back to learn all that stuff for centuries, how many times do you think he did that? He wouldn't be able to go too far back, or he might risk messing up the future. He needs to let Ravonna give victor the TVA handbook, and then get victor to the TVA, so I'm thinking that the furthest he could go back safely is when victor showed up at the TVA.

I'm thinking there was about an hour between when Victor showed up, and when the loom exploded. Roughly.

And a year is 8,760 hours. So a century is 876,000 hours. The thing said "centuries later" so thats at least two, but I'm guessing it took longer because he couldn't just study continuously, and probably had to explain himself a lot. So let's say it was 3 centuries later. That's 2,628,000 time slips.

Two million six hundred and twenty eight thousand times that Loki had to watch Mobius and his friends die, time slip painfully to the past, then see them all again - knowing that these variants are about to die, and that all this work won't be remembered.

And he knows that in a way, nothing he does matters because everything he does or says won't be remembered. But he also knows that all these variants that are dying are real people, just like him. He knows that every time the loom explodes, a variant of everyone in the entire freakin universe dies a painful horrible death because he just isn't fast enough, because he is not the perfect all-knowing god he thought he was.

His mind after all those days, weeks, years would get tired, but his body won't. He won't have time to sleep or eat. And his body won't heal. Any punch or cut he got in that fight trying to get Victor to the TVA will still hurt like it's fresh. And he will just have to feel that everyday.

Imagine how long days can feel when things aren't going your way, or when you're in pain. Then multiply it by a hundred thousand.

How long studying for finals-week feels. Multiply it by 15 thousand.

How long high school feels. Multiply it by 75.

Imagine going to high school 75 times in a row, with no support, no breaks, no food, no sleep, and having to watch the love of your life and all your friends die a painfully horrible death 24 times a day.

Like my mind is boggled.

But during all that time, he thought that this was the best plan of action. Because at the end of it, he would get to live. He made variants of the entire universe die two million times because he wanted to to live a life with people who loved him for him.

At the end of the first episode, Loki came crashing into Mobius without any sort of temporal radiation suit. He survived being out there once, and after 300 years, and a whole f ton of time and space knowledge, I'd think he'd figure out that he could go out there and not die.

I want to know when he realized that he was powerful enough to do what he did in the end. Was it really at the end after all those years? Or did he just not do that plan because even after hundreds of years, he was still a little selfish. He would rather all those variants die over and over than give up on his own life. Just maybe. Just a thought.

I feel like a lot of people thought it was unrealistic that Loki changed so much in this show. But that last step that he took to become truly selfless seemed to be the hardest. Loving and being loved wasn't too hard. That took like days or weeks to get used to. But realizing that the solution was to give up his own life took centuries. Or at least acting on that realization. How long would you need to sacrifice yourself like that, given infinite time loops?

How many times would you let the world burn because you're afraid?

[bellacullenvamp]

Red Moon (Twilight Fanfic)

•Masterlist•

•Playlist•

The Cullens have a new family member. Y/n is only a 2-year-old newborn... Carlisle stopped her life at age 15, and she still doesn't know why.

Genre: au! | Angst

Rated: G ❣️🍎

Chapter Six (Part II)

"You are going where?!"

"I loved there! It is starting to feel like home "Y/n"!" Renesmee said with a calm and surprising tone.

I could not believe my ears. Renesmee just gave me the news! She is going to be full-time in the reserve school. How could she do this to me! I am so upset I don't even want to respond to her anymore. How come things go so unfair to me.

Her response was so ridiculous. How come Bella and Edward let her live near Jacob. Just because Leeah said She would take care of her doesn't mean it's true... "Leah's home it's going to be just fine for now." Said Bella. And Edward believes in not interrupting love.

I still cannot believe that's the way Renesmee received me after all that I went through...I am going to miss her so much. I like Jacob, he is good for her. But I am going to miss the only person in this house who's also living her teen years for the first time.

Jasper hugged me as I went for comfort in my bedroom. His powers are always in great use. He is a good brother to me. "I know how you feel. And believe me. You are not as alone as you think you are." He smiled and left me to prepare for school. I can't sleep but mental preparation is required to make such a comeback. The Volturi torture feels light in comparison to human high school. How the Cullens did that so many times?

After preparing my textbooks and notebooks. I spent the rest of the midnight looking across my window. The sunrise felt beautiful but cloudy. Perfect day for a vampire in high school.

I told Esme I was going to go to school on foot. The fresh air felt amazing. I found a deer on my way to school. Unfortunately, that's how I found being fed with human blood lasted longer than with animal blood. Looking at that deer felt like being full and walking at a restaurant.

Being with humans was challenging. My powers were soon foud by me and maybe that could be of some use witing my grades. Desiring my friends blood were not a preocupation. I knew how to behave mself. I am not a murderer.

The school was just fine. But the best part was seeing Percy again. He was as cute as I could remember and in love with Chloé. My only desire itching the whole day was using my mastermind powers to control her. Sending her away from him and making me his girlfriend. Would it be ethical? No. Not at all. That would make me nearer to a Volturi than a Cullen. Carlisle is my morality voice, being very clear on what to do. Just let go of him. Edward could not do that with Bella, her being in love did not help him. Maybe that's my ally... Percy not being in love with me, was actually good to me.

Class with him was tortuous though. He was so kind... Percy explained to me, all of the classes I missed. He tried his best to let me copy his notes. His handwriting was meticulous and strong. Very round letters and well-spaced. I read those notes as if it was his diaries. As if it could be long love letters with my name being so well written to me. Percy was a gentleman. And Chloé did not even perceive that. He was kind and generous. While Chloé was selfish and self-centered. How did they even get together?

The theatre classes were even worse. She was a Queen with no crown or elegance. demanding everyone in the room to obey her. If only I could use my Mastermind powers to change this situation... It would be a change in the course of life and of course, vampires never changed the ways humans dealt with their life. What would the Volturi be like if they found out I was being selfish and using my powers only for me and not for them at all.

It would bring too much attention to us again. I could not be prepared to protect my loved ones. Also, I would not survive to bring sadness to my vampire parents. Carlisle and Esme don't ever deserve that.

[getvalentined]

12-15 for Valenstrifesodos! :D

12. What they do for their anniversary:

It takes them a while to figure out what the date of their anniversary even is, given that the process of them getting together was a bit complicated and it's hard to say exactly when it segued from platonic to romantic to polyamorous between the three of them. Once they all agree on a date, their anniversary is usually a small affair wherein they all take a day off and go do something together, often away from the public. They go sightseeing, hiking, spelunking, swimming—activities centric on experiencing things together, making memories rather than focusing on gifts or anything material. In the end, memories are all at least one of them is going to have, so this is really important.

13. Who makes a bigger deal of birthdays:

Genesis. Cloud is terrible at remembering dates and doesn't have strong feelings about birthdays either way, so he doesn't really care. Vincent would avoid acknowledging them altogether if he could; other people's birthdays are like a running tally until those people outgrow him or die, and celebrating his own is a bad joke considering he's always going to be twenty-seven.

For Genesis, birthdays are a chance to express to the people he loves how glad he is that they exist. He doesn't celebrate landmark ages—although in the far future he's the one that actually remembers Vincent's exact age, and knows what Cloud's would be if he were still alive—but rather the very fact that they were born in the first place. That's a mindset that even Vincent can eventually accept, although it doesn't help Cloud remember dates any better.

14. What nicknames they call each other:

Vincent doesn't really use nicknames. He'll use diminutive forms of a person's actual name, but that's different. Genesis is "Gen" a portion of the time, and "Rhapsodos" when he's being insufferable. In the far future as they both cycle through a rather excessive number of fake names to keep from drawing attention, Vincent will sometimes use any of the names he remembers to refer to Genesis, who responds in kind. (They tend to lean into the more ridiculous ones, leading Vincent to occasionally refer to Genesis affectionately as "Dr. Rothosis," to which Genesis will respond by calling him "Professor Ventfort" in a bad Old Junonese accent.)

Cloud is much the same as Vincent, although he takes even longer to do it. Vincent has been "Vince" since about halfway through the Crisis, sure, but Genesis isn't "Gen" until they've been living together for two years. He does eventually refer to Genesis on rare occasions as just "bird" or "feathers," much to Genesis' absolute delight. (He also sometimes calls him "wingding" but that's less appreciated.)

Genesis, though. Hoo-boy. "Love" is a big one, and he uses it indiscriminately for both Cloud and Vincent, alongside "darling." Cloud is also "pretty savior," "little wolf," and occasionally "my sunlit hurricane." Vincent is "blackbird," "heartsong" and (much more rarely) "my eternal midnight companion." He'll also use long one-off poetic titles here and there, less nicknames or petnames so much as dramatic descriptions that suit the situation in one way or another. He occasionally refers to Cloud and Vincent together as "the champion and the apocalypse," but in a very tongue-in-cheek way as if teasing someone by using their middle name. (Example: "If the champion and the apocalypse would condescend to bless me with their presence, dinner will be ready in less than ten minutes and no one has set the table." Vincent is the only one of them with a middle name, so this is a fair alternative.)

15. What they would change about each other:

If they could change anything, they would all unanimously make each other match with regard to lifespan, aging and mutation.

Cloud is mortal, ages at an extremely slow rate but does still age, may experience further mutation later in life but thankfully only in a way that will absolutely be concealable (if Cloud ever gets a wing he will be able to put it away the same as Genesis) and destructible. He'll live a long time, may change a little bit but will still have the capacity to look human, but he can be killed and someday he's going to die.

Genesis is immortal, doesn't age, will not experience any further mutations over time, but is probably still as destructible as his predecessors in the Planet's service—the first generation of Weapons that Avalanche fought during the Crisis. He'll live forever, he'll be more or less the same (physically) that entire time, but he can probably be killed in the right circumstances.

Vincent is immortal*, doesn't age, will experience further mutations over time as his human characteristics are overtaken and overwritten by the Weapon Lucrecia turned him into, and he's indestructible. He'll live forever, look less and less human as ages pass until no one would ever mistake him as such, and he can't be killed no matter how anyone or anything might try.

(*Vincent is still in possession of the immortality and powers afforded to him by Chaos even post-Dirge; it's Chaos' consciousness that returned to the Lifestream, relinquishing control of Vincent's body for good. We know this because Vincent was indicated to have been all but atomized stopping Omega from leaving, possibly even burning up on reentry like space debris, but eventually whatever was left of him recombined and remanifested in the cave where Chaos once slept, whole and complete and himself. Further, the OG ends with Nanaki making his way to Midgar 500 years post-Meteorfall, which we know is something he does yearly for the express purpose of meeting up with Vincent.)

If the three of them could change anything, it would be to make it so they were all the same in this capacity—whatever that might look like—so they wouldn't be inevitably separated. Unfortunately, that's never been in the cards.

(For the ship asks game.)

[ladylooch]

Okay here is an idea for Timo and Emma

Somewhat angsty lol

So maybe life is really busy with the 4 kids and it’s been a little while where Em and T were able to have some time alone. So maybe every little either Timo does or the kids do sets Emma off and she is easily irritated and annoyed. Like maybe making lunch for the kids and they don’t want to eat what she has cooked or Timo is gone longer than he said and Emma missed her workout class. So Timo is like okay obviously you have some tension let me help you loosen up 🥵and so they run off during the kids nap time

By Emma’s calculations, she should be about to her cooldown right now in her pilates class. She should be sweaty, but relieved to have gotten a work out in with how crazy the family schedule has been this week. Instead, she is sitting on the couch, monitoring Logan and Liam as their play time borders on becoming a slap fest. 

Timo is still not home.

He was supposed to be home two hours ago. Emma keeps getting texts from him with updates. 

I’m going to be a little later than I thought.

Still going here, babe. Need a bit more time.

15 minutes or so and I’ll be on my way.

I just left. I’m getting home as fast as I can. 

Fuck, I’m so sorry!

Emma believes him. She knows those RPMs on that Mercedes of his are going to be roaring through the streets of New Jersey. She had asked for one thing this week. ONE THING from her now retired NHL player of a husband. It was to make sure that he was at home by 1:00pm so she could hit her pilates class. Emma knows he is doing hard work right now. He is getting more involved in his friend’s clothing company that he has invested in for years. Now, that Timo  has the time, he has been asked to be more of a decision maker. Timo is very excited about the prospect and Emma is supportive. But she has needs too. Very hot ones that have not been met by her husband in weeks. 

“Logan.” Emma murmurs, watching him start to pat at his brother. A string of words in Swiss German and English come bumbling out of his mouth with none of them being coherent. “Baby, no. Hands to yourself.” The twins, who practically came out holding hands, do not understand this concept. “Be nice.” Emma finishes. Another thing they don’t understand as two year old terrors. 

“Baby! I’m here!” Timo calls into the house before he looks around. His eyes land on his wife so close. “Oops. Sorry. I thought you would be upstairs.” He flips his wrist, looking at his watch. “Can you still make it?”

“At 1:45? No.” Emma snaps. 

“Okay. Fuck. I’m so sorry. Is there a later one you can go to… or…” Timo purses his lips at the irritation puling her eyebrows together. “No? Okay.” He scratches at the back of his neck. “Um, how can I make it up to you?” 

Emma gives him props for the awareness and recognition and the genuine apology. But she doesn’t feel like she was asking for too much. One thing. In the millions of things that she has sacrificed for him in his career. Today she wanted one fucking thing.

“Make it on time tomorrow, please.” She says tightly.

“Yes, I will. Promise.” He comes to the living room. He kneels down by the babies then drops a big palm on each of the twins heads. “Hannah coming today?” 

“No, she is on vacation with her friends. It’s us against the kids.”

“Oh yeah, Tulum.” Timo grins. “Good mems, eh?”

“Mhm.” Em agrees. Timo craws over to her on the floor, literally on his knees. 

“I’m really sorry. You know that?” Emma nods. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Okay, can you just yell at me?” Timo groans, putting his forehead on her thigh.

“No. I don’t want to.” Emma shrugs. 

“This feels worse.” 

“Than me yelling at you? Good lord. We needed therapy more than we knew.” She leans forward, cupping both his cheeks. She kisses him deeply, letting her tongue swipe along the seam of his lips. He sighs, reaching a big hand around to the back of her neck. They make out like that, touching tongues and soft moans to each other until they’re both worked up. Liam comes to smooch their faces, breaking them out of their trace as Logan comes too. 

“Gonna bend that sweet ass over my knee tonight. When all the babies are in bed.” He murmurs hotly in her ear so the boys can’t hear. Emma smiles at him as he settles into the couch next to her with Liam. Logan curls into Emma’s arms. His little feet go over to his brother and he starts kicking. Liam begins to do the same immediately.

“Hey!” Emma and Timo say at the same time, grabbing the feet of the respective twin in their arms. 

“They just had to be boys.” Emma chuckles, leaning her back into Timo. He wraps an arm across her chest, gripping her opposite shoulder to keep her close.

“The universe knew I couldn’t have three girls.” Timo laughs as Logan starts to gnaw on Timo’s arm. Emma cups his little chin, wiggling it so he releases his dad’s skin. Emma smirks at the sweet grin he gives her. He looks like a little dinosaur with his jagged teeth. 

“Yeah, that is probably true.” She finally responds. 

Two more Livys would surely put Timo in an early grave.

[snowandsage]

⚠️⚠️TRIGGER WARNING: ED, body image, depression, mental illness ⚠️⚠️

I would never in a million years post something like this to any of my other social media accounts but I’m proud of myself and how far I’ve come and want to make a post. It’s likely that this will be taken down for the “inappropriate photos” and I sincerely doubt that many will take the time to read this, but oh well. I’m writing this for me.

The purpose of this post is to share my story and spread awareness as well as positivity.

My body image is something that I have struggled with for a very long time now. Since middle school, I was overly aware of how my body looked and I developed severe body dysmorphia. I refused to wear bathing suits, I cried in the dressing room whenever I went clothes shopping, and I constantly compared myself to those around me. I hated my body and the way that I looked. This obsession with my appearance and my weight continued to progress throughout high school and even college. I began working out frequently, I logged my weight and everything that I ate for years, I counted calories, I would use a tape measure to measure my waste. At 15 years old, I would sob quietly to myself while looking at my body in the mirror. I would force myself to throw up after meals or when I felt like I overindulged. I wholeheartedly hated myself.

It wasn’t until my adult years that things started to get really bad. From 2021 to late 2022, I was at my absolute worst. I was in a bad place mentally and I was feeling out of control. As unhealthy as it sounds, my eating disorder was one of the few things that helped me feel in control of my life. I began weighing myself 4-5 times every day, my hair started falling out in large clumps, I began passing out almost on a daily basis (at home, at work, in the shower, in public), I was freezing cold all the time, i was chronically fatigued, and my body hurt and ached at all times. I was refusing to eat more than one full meal a day, and that meal typically consisted of a bagel with butter. I would look up the calories in ibuprofen before taking it, I started drinking my coffee black to avoid the calories from cream, I was constantly lying to my friends and family about my eating, I wouldn’t even let myself drink carbonated water because it made me feel bloated. I was so so so sick. Within one year, I had lost a total of 50 pounds, gone down 2 bra sizes, and had no longer fit in any of my clothing. I am a 6’3” woman and was weighing in at 124lbs when I decided that I needed to make a change if I wanted to live.

In November of 2022, I decided to actively work on getting better. I threw away my scale and called my doctor to get a referral to an ED program. I was advised to go completely inpatient considering the severity of my problem.

It’s hard. Every single day of this healing process has been hard for me. I have not once weighed myself since November and have been eating normal meals again. I refuse to let myself see the calories of the things that I eat and I’m pushing myself to break all of the unhealthy “rules” that I had previously made for myself. It’s obvious that I have gained quite a bit of weight since starting this journey, and although I still struggle with that and frequently have negative thoughts… I’m recovering and I’m trying. And that is all the matters.

I’ve slowly been learning to love myself with this new and improved body and I’m proud of myself for making it this far. I promise myself that I will continue to grow and heal even on days where I want to relapse or when I feel worthless or uncomfortable in my own skin.

I just recently learned some information that caused me to really, truly think about this terrible illness and how deeply and negatively it has, and always will, affect my life. About 3 weeks ago I wound up in the emergency department with severe heart palpitations, tachycardia, and vertigo. After doing an EKG and further testing, I was diagnosed with a rare heart condition in which can cause sudden fainting, seizures, or even sudden death. Unfortunately, one of the few things that can cause this, are eating disorders, more specifically anorexia nervosa. I wanted to throw up when I heard this. I didn’t realize how badly my ED could have been affecting my health. All that ever ran through my head was that I wanted to be skinny. I wanted to be thin because I didn’t feel worthy if I wasn’t. Surely, nobody would love me or want to see me naked if I wasn’t thin. What absolutely bullshit that is. I’m heartbroken for myself and I am so sad that I ever let myself get that bad. It devastates me to think about how many other people (men, women, young, old, etc.) struggle with eating disorders every waking minute of their lives. It isn’t worth it.

Please, please, please reach out to somebody if you are struggling with an eating disorder. You are so worth it and you deserve a chance at a happy and healthy life. You are SO much more than a number on a scale.

The first 5 photos are pictures that I took when I was at my unhealthiest and the remaining pictures are recent.

[lulubelle814]

All I Want

Masterlist

Annie didn’t mind going to birthday parties for the couple of friends she had or the ones her office threw monthly for those people whose birthday was during that month.  Yes, they were typically loud and crowded, but she enjoyed being there for her friends.  Her birthday?  She’d rather forget it.  With it being 3 days before Christmas, it was typically forgotten by everyone, except her parents who always made sure to send a birthday card with a little money and called to sing her happy birthday.

This year was different.  Only a few months ago, her mother passed away, and her dad, Charlie, was never the same.  He became inundated with hospital bills; however, friends and neighbors raised money to help pay for medical bills.  Charlie was well loved in their little community.  He was always the first to volunteer when someone needed help doing repairs, fixing a car, or even helping the elderly widow take her groceries inside.  So when his wife passed, they all gathered to make sure he was taken care of.  Annie did what she could, but she had her own bills and rent to pay, unable to spare much with money or time to help, and her dad understood.  In fact, he refused any financial help she tried to give.

So here she was, wandering around her favorite bookstore.  Seeing a book she’d been wanting to read, she purchased it as a birthday gift to herself and left.  Rather than head home, a course was set for the Rockefeller tree and sat on a bench that had a great view of the tree and those ice skating nearby.  Sitting there, she looked up at the stars and made a silent birthday wish.  'All I want is to not be alone, not on my birthday.'

“Are you alright, miss?” Looking forward, there was a familiar, handsome gentleman with a buttery British accent.  It took her a second, but she realized it was Loki, the newly minted Avenger.  He was taking a leisurely walk, going to see this enormous tree the Avengers told him about when he spotted her, crying a bit.

“I’m, uh, I’m alright.”

He smiled.  “You do know I am the God of lies, correct?”

She couldn’t help but laugh.  He gestured towards the empty spot next to her, wordlessly asking if he could join her to which she agreed.

“What makes you so despondent, my fair lady?”

She shook her head.  “Nothing important.”

“Please let me be the judge of that.”  He didn’t know her, but a part of him wanted to help her.  “No one should be downhearted so near Christmas.”

“I’ll be okay.  I’m sure you have things you need to be doing rather than console a stranger.”

He turned to look at the tree.  “My, uh,co-workers told me of this tree.  They told me it was large and fantastical.  ‘A sight to behold’ they said.  So I had to see it for myself.”

“It’s my favorite thing about Christmas in New York.  I love looking at the lights, watching people ice skating, and everyone forgetting about their troubles, even if for a little while.”

“Everyone, it seems, but you.”

Annie nodded.  “I was hoping it would help.”

“Please,” he said.  “Please tell me what has made you so downtrodden.”

She finally broke, tears falling down her face.  “My mom passed a few months ago.  Heart failure they said.  She hadn’t been feeling well and was getting tired easily.  My dad took her to a cardiologist who ran some tests and said it was from an arrhythmia.  They tried to fix it, but it didn’t hold.  He took her to a different doctor recommended by a friend who found that her heart was weak, only working at about 15%, and she died a month later.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.  It’s never easy losing a parent, especially a mother.”

“It was awful.  I wanted to stay longer to help dad, but he practically chased me away, telling me to live and enjoy my life.”

Loki turned towards her.  “Something tells me that’s not the end of your troubles.”

She cursed under her breath that he wouldn’t leave well enough alone.  “It’s the first year I’m not getting a call from her singing me happy birthday.”

Quickly putting 2 and 2 together, he realized today must be her birthday.  Being by herself told him that either she had no friends or that they had forgotten.  Since living on Midgard, he understood the troubles of a birthday near this holiday, but his brother always made sure to celebrate it with him.

“If it’s alright with you, I would love to help you celebrate your birthday.  After all, no one should have to spend their birthday alone.”  He raised his hand to her face slowly, watching for signs that she didn’t want to be touched.  When she gave no signs, he wiped away her tears.  “And no one should be crying on their birthday, either.  I believe it’s a rule, is it not?” 

When she gave a small smile, it gladdened his heart.  Standing up, he held his hand out to her.  “Let's rectify that, shall we?”

Annie was hesitant, but something told her she could trust him.  So she stood up, accepting his hand.  Allowing him to guide her, they talked and walked to the skating rink.  “It would behoove me to ask your name?”  

“I’m Annie, Annie Creston.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Annie Creston.”

They approached the rink booth where he paid for tickets and ice skate rentals.  Next thing she knew, they were skating around the rink.  It was something she’d always wanted to do but had been too scared, and it was usually that either no one wanted to go or no one was available.  Generally, it was the second one with Christmas only 3 days away.

So here she was, skating around the rink with the God of Mischief himself.  Never in a hundred years did she think she’d end up in this situation; however, she was slowly feeling better.  He tried to turn around and skate backwards to try to impress her.  Instead, he tripped on his own feet and fell on his ass.  Annie roared with laughter, and he followed suit.  Rather than have all the fun himself, he pulled her down onto the ice with him, creating even more laughter between the two of them.

“I must say, this is the most fun I’ve had in a long time.”  She agreed.  When he finally stood back up, he gave her a hand, and they continued skating around the rink for a while, laughing and chatting.  Before she knew it, well over an hour passed since he joined her on that bench.

Slowing down, she came to a stop, holding on to the side wall and smiled at him.  They exited the rink and switched out the ice skates for the shoes they came in.  “Thank you so much for this.  It means a lot.”  

“Oh, my dear, the night is not over, not yet.  Do you trust me?”  Once again, he held out his hand to her.  She nodded, accepting his hand.  He then tucked her hand into his arm and went off on a walk.

It was near impossible to tell where they were going.  They were going into a part of the city she wasn’t very familiar with until she saw the iconic Avengers building.  Looking up at it, it was much taller than she had realized when seeing it on TV.

What really surprised her was when he not only guided her inside, but he also took her into the elevator, pressing the button for one of the high floors.  When the doors opened, there were balloons and streamers everywhere.  Up on the wall was a sign reading Happy Birthday.  What really stunned her was how many of the Avengers were there with party hats on, including Tony Stark himself and Loki’s brother, Thor.  Bruce was the only one not in  attendance.  He was at his cousin’s place spending time with family.

Thor was the first one to reach her, giving her a big hug, even picking her up off her feet.  “Put her down, you oaf.”

Realizing he was hugging her harder than a midgardian could take, he put her down.  “Happy Birthday, Lady Annie!  We are glad you allow us to celebrate in your revels.”

She was too stunned to speak.  “How……”  He leaned down and spoke softly.  “They don’t call me the God of Mischief for nothing, dear.”

Tony strolled up.  “He texted us saying he found a friend at the Rockefeller tree, alone on her birthday.”  He gestured for her to actually come into the room.  The further she got into their common room, the more she saw.  There were all kinds of snacks and drinks.  But the best part?  They had a large birthday cake with her name on it.  Over the course of the next few hours, the Avengers sang her Happy Birthday, ate cake with her, danced, and talked.

At one point, Tony pulled her aside.  “I gotta tell you.  When Loki told us about you, I looked you up, pulling files on you to see if you were a security risk.  Instead, I saw the skill set you have with office work and the dismal pay you’re currently getting.  So, if you’re interested, I’m looking for a secretary to help with paperwork and the like.”

“Holy Shit!  Are you kidding?”

Nat interrupted.  “He kids a lot, but not on things like this.  I got a glimpse of those files.  You are seriously undervalued at your current job, and I know he pays very well.”  Tony nodded.

All Annie could do was nod furiously.  This night went in directions she couldn’t even hope for.

“Oh, and just so you know,” Tony continued. “The job includes an apartment here in the tower.” 

Tears started falling. “Whoa, whoa, whoa!  I thought that was a good thing?”  He turned to Nat.  “Why is she crying?”

“You can be such an idiot sometimes.  Those are happy tears, you moron.”

“OH! Okay.”  He turned back to Annie.  “So, what do you say, kid.  New job, new apartment?”  She couldn’t respond.  Instead, she hugged him.  This time, it was him who was stunned, unused to being hugged, but he opted to return her hug, just this once.  It was her birthday after all.

When she let go, she turned to Loki.  “This has been the best birthday I’ve ever had.”

Nat leaned over.  “Just wait until you see how he celebrates Christmas.  If you don’t have plans, we would love for you to join us.”

In fact, she did not have plans, at least nothing other than eating some ham and watching It’s a Wonderful Life.

“I’d love to, if it’s not an imposition?”

“Kid, hanging out with us, you’ll have to get used to this kind of thing.  You can move in tomorrow if you want.”

“Really?”  She didn’t know that within her file, he saw she was on the landlord’s eviction list for January.  It wasn’t anything she’d done wrong.  The landlord decided to go co-op, and there was no way she could afford to keep her apartment.

Nat, Loki, and Thor offered to help her with packing and moving while Tony provided the moving truck.  Annie didn’t have much, but she lived about 45 minutes away.  While they were at her place packing up, Tony and Pepper set up her room.  Tony had a brand new bed delivered, and Pepper styled her room.  So by the time everyone was back with her things, all she needed to do was put away the few things she brought with her.

Pepper showed her the way to her room.  The apartment they gave her was directly across the hall from Loki’s.  Entering, her jaw dropped seeing everything.  It was everything she’d wanted her crappy little apartment to be.  The kitchen was well stocked, and the bed was one of those fancy cloud mattresses.

“If there’s anything you don’t like, we can change it.  I didn’t know how much you liked to read.  So we can get any books you might want.”  She gestured to the empty bookshelf.  “We can definitely get another bookshelf if you need one.  That one,” pointing to Loki” has so many, his room might as well be a library.”  Everyone laughed.

“Just so you know,” Tony spoke as he rolled into the room, “I have a policy with my employees.  No working between Christmas Eve and the day after New Years.  Paid holiday.  No arguments.”

Pepper leaned over.  “He’s not kidding.  While he likes to work 24/7, he doesn’t force any of his employees to do that.  And we wanted you to have some time to settle in.”

It was at this moment that Annie realized she never was alone.  Her mother was looking over her, guarding and protecting her, helping give her a new start at life.

On Christmas Eve, she knew she didn’t have the money to buy everyone gifts.  Instead, she spent hours baking bread and making cookies for everyone which was not done alone.  Loki tried to help, but he knew nothing about cooking or making food.  So rather than have him sitting there (which he was happy to do, but he wanted to help somehow), she taught him what she was doing as she was doing it, giving him instructions on what to do to help her.  When each item was finished (except the bread), she had him sample each treat to make sure they were alright.

“If you don’t take these away from me right now, none of these sweets will make it to the other Avengers.”

“I assume that means the goodies are acceptable?”  Annie smiled.

“‘Acceptable’ is a vast understatement.  I’ve never had sweets this good in my life, and especially since I arrived on Midgard.”  Before he could get to more of the treats, she put them on plates and brought them out to the common room.  When Loki spotted Thor, he scolded him in advance.  “If I’m not allowed to eat all these myself, then neither are you.”

Nothing she made lasted to the end of the day, and it made her very happy.  The following morning, Christmas Day, she woke up early and went to the team kitchen by the common room.  Gathering what she needed, she turned on the stove to warm up while mixing the batter.  She’d only made a few pancakes when people started drifting in.

Steve was the first to arrive.  “I smelled something delicious from my room and had to come see what it was.”  Seeing the pancakes, he was incredibly happy.  “Fair warning.  Loki LOVES pancakes.”

She flipped another pancake.  “Good thing I’m making enough to feed an army.  I have a tendency to make more than necessary.”

He laughed.  “You’re going to fit in perfectly here.”  Grabbing plates and utensils, he set the table and then retrieved the orange juice.

It wasn’t long before everyone else entered, following the scent of the pancakes.  Everyone sat down and dug in.

Nat managed to stop long enough to compliment her.  “I think you just de-throned Clint’s pancakes.”  

“Hey!”  Clint feigned offense.

“Oh give it up, bird boy.  Yes, your pancakes are great, but hers,” Tony pointed his fork at Annie, “are better.”

“Thes is uh moss delifus cak.”  Thor kept eating one pancake after another.

Nat scolded him.  “Thor, don’t speak with your mouth full.  And they’re called pancakes.  Cake is what we had on her birthday.”  He nodded, knowing Nat would reprimand him if he spoke with his mouth full again.

Tony got up first, putting his plate in the sink.  Walking over to Thor, he whispered in his ear, and the two gentlemen left the room.  Once everyone was finished, they told Annie to relax while they cleaned the dishes.

20 minutes later, everyone was called into the common room where they found Thor dressed as Santa.  Annie tried to take off for her room, but no one would let her.  “I didn’t get anything for you guys…..”

Tony hushed her.  “You made all those treats yesterday and then made us the best pancakes we’ve ever had….”

“Hey!”  Barton feigned offense again.

“So you sit your ass down and enjoy Christmas with the rest of us.  You’ve already given us your present.”  Annie gave up and found a comfortable loveseat with a good view of the festivities, and Loki took the seat next to her.

Acting as Santa, Thor handed out gifts to everyone, including Annie.  Everyone got presents for her.  Tony gave her a brand new, top of the line Stark laptop and phone.  Clint gave her a bow and quiver of arrows, telling her he’d teach her.  Pepper gave her a beautiful leather purse.  Nat gave her a defense wand.  When it was collapsed, it looked like an ordinary tube of lipstick.  “I’ll teach you how to use it.”  Steve was next.  When she opened the gift bag, she found an Avengers shirt.  "If it doesn't fit, let me know, but that one is only given to official Avengers.  Tony sues anyone who tries to make one similar to it.."  Everyone laughed.

"Capsicle isn't kidding," Tony retorted.

Thor gave her a large, stuffed unicorn.  Everyone was both surprised but also not.  “I could not find a real one.  I hope this will suffice.”

But Loki?  He handed his gift to her directly.  When she opened it, it was a beautiful gold chain with an emerald pendant.

She wouldn’t tell anyone, but that was her favorite present, but it quickly became apparent.  As she settled into her job, she could be found wearing it everyday.  Through the months, she became good friends with everyone.

Well, everyone except Loki.  One day it dawned on him that he had feelings for Annie, and they were slowly growing.  Finally gathering the courage, he asked her on a date.

In the end, she got everything she ever wanted and much, much more.

[enigma-absolute]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals and followers :)

…This is gonna make a total of 15 but oh BOY

This was mentioned in a previous ask before but singing a whole cover of ‘Rainbow Connection’ I did with friends joining me on the last third of it. It makes it extra special and I want to post it on here, but I’d rather ask the friend who I’d made this for, with posting permissions first.

Honestly? My silly little neopixel lightsaber I’ve (unwisely, in my mother’s opinion) bought at a recent con. It lights up, it makes noises, I can change the blade colour bc of the light, it’s so far everything I’ve wanted in a cheeky laser sword prop.

On a related note, my silly little sword collection! A LARP foam sword, a wooden katana, and even a steel replica of Sting, also from that same con over a few years!

Fashion! Me from 10 years ago being on this hellsite for the first year would never believe it, but growing and defining my own sense of style and aesthetics over time has not only been fun, but I *feel* happier too. I know what I like and what I don’t, and I’m still learning!

The very fact that I was blessed to go to the uni I did. Sure, the culture is different there compared to of course, my old high school and bible college, but I loved what I studied (more rather than less!) and I’m still in touch with people I’m honoured to call friends. To think some of those cool people live near or in the same city as me!

Not to be simple, but, music! I’ve been getting back into some of my favourite songs and remixes from The Living Tombstone as one point, (Long Time Friends you angy catharsis tune), but also listening to playlists I’ve curated for OCs and Stories and even shared songs with me and my friends over on Spotify has been fun!

Travel!!!! I didn’t know how much I’ve missed travel until my Singapore trip earlier this year - I missed boarding planes, taking off and landing, I missed going out to places like malls and cafes and food and friends outside of my own country. I missed the new sights to see and the good vibes to encounter when you look in the right places. And having my first taste of independent sightseeing at the botanical gardens felt like something new was set in stone.

As of recent, RP has been somewhat active between me and a couple buddies on discord. To the Chrumblr RP gang and Star Wars discord RP server: I love you and I'm grateful you allow me to bring plorbo from my brain into Situations with the characters you play!!!

Painting!!! I haven't touched it in a bit since I've been busy with other things, but I adore, ADORE watercolour and gouache painting. It brings me joy to mix colours and use my palettes to bring characters and situations to life, and I even have a whole sketchbook from 2022-2023 dedicated to just paintings. Sketchy paintings, refined ones - the only goal was to PAINT.

The crochet sunflowers I bought last year! I've got a tiny potted one on my study's windowsill with a broken Miles Morales Spidey keychain, and a longer simpler one in a glass bottle in my bedroom. I really wanna get more crochet flowers, but they were from this one random stall that set itself up like, twice overall at uni last year. That being said, I adore them.

From the same con I got my lightsaber on, I got lucky to buy a print poster of A New Hope from Lucasfilms artist Mark Raats direct. I'm not kidding, and we even had a chat and I did a little 'handy-dandy-notebook' portrait of him in line, even getting to airdrop that to him! Best bit, the poster was $30 on INCREDIBLY archival paper. I just need to get a frame for it...

Just recently, I'd gotten a haircut for the dry ends and long, thick fringe; and can I say??? I love my hairdresser? She's a really sweet Japanese lady who came from just outside Osaka and she's out here in my city doing the best and she once cut my fringe to my standards SO quickly than other hairdressers - I was stunned! I'm deeply grateful to have her work on my hair, and I could not thank her enough.

This is a bit silly somewhat to me, but I love the brown messenger bag I'd bought for myself end of last year as a treat to myself for finishing honours. Did the side strap holders snap twice? Yes. Do I care? no. I love this thing, it feels so *right* for adventure and it brings me so much joy.

Something that makes me smile if I glance at it in my study is my shelf of books. Not sketchbooks, not notebooks that have been filled (though I am proud of that too!), just proper books. From comics to 'Tales from the Loop' and cabin architecture and treehouses, and recently a couple Star Wars visual dictionaries from Pablo Hidalgo... I'm gonna need more space soon. (Shoutout to the copy of Farenheit 451 that legit made me scream and kick my feet because BRADBURY.)

Honestly? Just… friends. Online, real life - if I think about you too hard, I’ll cry. I’m blessed to have met friends online In Real Life (looking at you Swift and uni mates!), and blessed to have mailed and wrote and created silly little things to share my love with ‘em. Good are the ones that stick with you. 💙 Get loved, nerds.