#without the unnecessary opinions about how a 'book is not worth that much'

[magnusbae]

I confess, I am... kinda excited ; w ;

[empresstheresa-guide]

Theresa and Steve - the greatest love story ever told… in Norman’s opinion

I will divide this into three parts. The first part deals with Norman’s general issue with writing romance. The second part is a commentary on the beginning of the love story, and the third part will be dedicated to all the different editions, because this is the part of the book that Norman edited the most. All versions are pretty bad. 

Part 1. Norman Boutin and romance (or lack thereof)

Norman cannot write romance. He can’t write much anything, but this is one of his biggest issues. He doesn’t have a romantic bone in this body, and I seriously question if he has ever been in a romantic relationship. He has stated that he was ”a handsome devil” and women chased after him, but he chose not to marry, because women gain weight as they age. (rolls eyes fatly) It’s  typical narc speak: I’m so hot that everyone wants me, but I choose not to date them. It’s most likely not true. Maybe he had trouble finding a girlfriend because he’s so misogynistic and flat out weird. He seems to feel mostly scorn for his fellow human beings, especially women. But he’ll always have his fantasy girl in Theresa.

Theresa and Steve’s, eh, moving love story begins in college. Theresa starts dating a boy named Jack Koster, because Jack talks to her first, so apparently she has some kind of duty to date him? All along, she keeps talking more about Steve. She really doesn’t seem to care about Jack at all, and even says they’re not really compatible. Soon it turns out Jack was cheating on her all along. She discards Jack without so much as a conversation, and immediately hooks up with Steve. A few months later, they marry. It’s very rushed, and you can tell Norman was just trying to get it out of the way before the actual story starts.

Why does Theresa need to be married? She’s 18. Can’t she be an empowering female character who doesn’t need a man by her side? Steve has way too big of a role in the book. He’s constantly speaking for Theresa in various meetings and events. Sometimes he won’t even bring Theresa along. He keeps up the correspondence with PM Blair and just generally runs things. He also comes up with a lot of ideas and just presents them to Theresa. On the now defunct website, Norman compares Theresa to Jesus and Steve to the Holy Spirit, her ”silent companion”, but when has he ever been silent? Nice bit of blasphemy there too.  

Norman keeps making the same couple of points about Theresa and Steve: 

1. They waited until marriage

2. They’re perfect for each other and never fight

3. They sometimes don’t talk much, which is good, but it will make them uninteresting to the public. They're better than people on TV shows have to "keep the gab going all the time".

None of these are particularly good points. So they waited until marriage, but they married a few months  after they met. It’s not some great sacrifice. Never fighting is not normal; fights clear the air and help you work things out. Yes, constant fighting can be a problem and show the relationship is in trouble, but never fighting is bad too. Being comfortable without talking the whole time is good, but mentioning TV shows kills the romantic vibe. It's unnecessary to keep pointing out how superior Theresa and Steve are to everyone else.

Besides her meaningless relationship with Jack, Theresa mentions after the fact that she had a boyfriend named Jeff Winslow in high school, her ”high school steady”. [How do you do, fellow kids?]

” I had dated only one boy in high school, Jeff Winslow, a geeky kid with red hair and glasses.  A nice kid.  A cheerful kid. Someone fun to be with […] Jeff would probably marry an average girl, but for the rest of his life he would remember he had once dated a drop dead gorgeous woman.  He helped me through the teen years and showed me a boy could be a friend.  He made me feel I was worth something.  I owed him a lot.”

If you owe him so much, why didn’t you write even one scene about him? Why are you mentioning his red hair and glasses, instead of saying you found him handsome? It comes across like you did NOT find him handsome. And most women would not consider themselves ”drop dead gorgeous”, this just shows how big Theresa’s ego is. The whole thing is so condescending, poor Jeff living with his average wife, always looking back at his time with Theresa. A time that apparently meant nothing to her, because she doesn’t even bother to describe it.  

Triangle dramas bore me, even in well written stories. It’s almost always the same: a girl is in love with two men, and the one she’s with currently treats her like crap, so she finally gravitates towards the new guy, who is her one true love. This kind of ”will they won’t they” is supposed to keep the reader in suspense, but you already know from the start whom she’ll choose. 

The problem, at least for me, is that this is all so unrealistic. The very idea is almost impossible. You find two people that you love equally, and both people also love you. It’s hard to relate to, when very few people have ever been in a drama like that. It’s difficult to find even one person who loves you, let alone two. Maybe it’s fun escapism for some people, your mileage may vary, but for me it’s just a waste of time, unless it’s very very well written. ET, of course, is not. 

I’m not sure why Norman wrote Jack into the book at all. Does he want to show how desirable Theresa is, that she’s so hot every boy wants to be with her? Does he think the drama makes Theresa and Steve’s story more interesting than just having them hook up right away? Either way, it doesn’t work on any level.

Stay tuned for part 2: A little ditty about Jack and Theresa.

[txmehunting]

✧ bareleveling: trying to improve yourself without anyone else knowing about it, afraid that they'll think it's silly or grandiose or unnecessary, or that they'll end up calling too much attention to your efforts.

the scars have progressed.

you know that it is futile to believe they won't, what with how you abuse your tomes and speak in tongues that were never meant to sound in your voice. the gods hate the way it grates on their ears, and though they'd assumed that your lack in magical aptitude would wall you off, it simply made you more diligent in your studies.

you were blessed with the ability to read this language but not to ever use it; your family never touched the things, never had a generations-long history of divining or fortune-telling or shrine upkeep or what-have-you, no, not like the other people who take up the festal and the spirit scroll. none of you had magic prowess hidden in your blood, not like the studied mages of nohr with their staves and spellbooks. you were just one of many forgettable families, born to die without having done anything worth noting in the history books.

oh, not so, not for you. you do not enjoy the idea of living only to die, because what the hell is the point of even being born? you are someone who prefers to choose their own manner of movement---strolling to the beat of your own drum, as it were.

you always loved tomes. when the fateful merchant caravan passed through your town all those years ago, dropping a fire tome from the saddlepack of one of the rear riders, you felt as though they would not miss much if you were simply to take it. finder's keepers. the script was gibberish to your family but not to you; unsure as to how or why, poring over the words was as easy as breathing or eating. as time passed your collection grew, and you had a beautiful collection of the things before most children your age knew how to pen an intermediate magic circle. don't ask how.

but you never could use them like those less-than-intermediate-magic-circle-drawing children. not without consequences.

maybe the gods thought it funny: a child who could read tomes with the speed of a scholar but couldn't even use them without the skin peeling off their fingertips. a curse? maybe. all you know is that nature itself fights you on this. it wants you to fail, wants to lock you in a prison of resignation and just assume you'll roll over and take it.

you will not. you DO not. every day you attempt to tame the language of tomes, and every day they bite the hand that reads it. you were quickly known by jeering children and aghast adults as " dead hands " for the necrosis that grew like ivy on your fingers, through bare nailbeds, and over ruined knuckles. you have not had fingerprints since you were thirteen.

but improvement is strictly between you and the gods you seek to sneer at. you have always been a loner and you like it that way; there is no one to laud ridiculous compliments or advice when you practice by yourself, no one to foist their own opinions of improvement on you when you never asked.

( and no do-gooders begging you to stop hurting yourself for the sake of magic. gods, you can name a few who'd tried. )

before war, you simply went where no people followed. after capture, losing access to your tomes meant working on your recollection skills by scraping chalk and blood against stone walls.

and now, this morning upon waking, you blearily notice how far the scars have pulled over you. they have eaten past the flexure of your arms and catch on your elbows, though the nettlestinging in your bones tells you it won't be long before they take that surface, too. how long will it be until the wholes of your arms are taken, and what will the kickback consume next? you don't know, but it also doesn't matter to you.

if the magic that endears you so steals your skin, then you consider it an offering. if it melts your eyes, then your ears will guide you. if it rots your eardrums, then you will have faith in your memory and your mouth. if it takes your tongue and destroys you in and out,

then at least you can say you were a man who died for what he enjoyed. in secret, of course---the best grave is no grave at all, because who the hell would bother trying to remember you?

[the---hermit]

How We Read Now by Naomi S. Baron

I don't know where this book review will go, but to be honest I can predict it will kinda look like a rant at some point, because me and this book got beef. The worse 25 euros I have ever had to spend for uni. This is one of the books I have to study for my history of libraries and reading class, and if it weren't for that I would have dnf-ed this pretty quickly.

This is a non-fiction book that focuses on the differences between physical, digital and audiobooks. Its aim is to analize data to conclude on which is the best option for learning. It is said that the audience it is aimed at is made of teachers, educators and parents. I don't know if it was reading it from a student perspective, but the tone of the author felt so patronizing. It was incredibly annoying, and the worse thing is that I agree with a good amount of what the author is writing about, but the tone was so annoying it made it difficult to read and to agree with. There's so many things I didn't like about this book, I don't even know if I'll remember all of them. The general critique I have read about this book is that it's pretty dry, because there's a lot of statistics, and technical stuff about researches and analysis they did. It's true, but it's not the worse part of the book in my oprion. Firstly this book is so repetitive it hurts. If you could eliminate all the times the author adds unnecessary lines to say "as we have said in chapter x" or "as we will see in chapter y" the book would miss a good 50 pages at least, it was so overdone it made it difficult to focus on what the author was trying to say (and to be honest at a certain point it looked like it was simply a way to make the book longer). And then as if that wasn't enough the chapters in which she tries to give advices on how to have the best results from different types of reading the tips are always more or less the same for all three kinds of books, so again repetitive like crazy. While we are on the topic of these tips let's just say that they are beyond the line of being banal. I spent all that money and time to have someone tell me that to have a productive reading session I have to focus on what I read and minimize the potential distractions. As I mentioned reading it from a student perspective made the tone of the author feel incredibly patronizing, anytime she talks about students it feels like she comes from the point of view that all young people are drowned by technology and social media to the point of being stupid. I am not saying this is the opinion of the author, but it's the feeling I got while reading the entire book, and it was so annoying. Another thing I personally didn't like at all is how this person is trying to find the way™ to get people to read productively, almost without considering that not only everyone has their preferences but depending on what and how you study and who you are things might change drastically. The general idea given by the author is that at the end of the day you should mix mediums but physical books are the best for learning/studying. I do agree, because I prefer physical book, but the way this opinion is carried in the book made me want to disagree just to go against the author. Not the most mature way of dealing with this but that was my natural reaction. Overall the writing annoyed me so much to the point I struggled to focus, and against the author's advices I did way more skimming than close reading because of how repetitive this thing was. I do not recommend at all this book, it's not worth it. Read articles online if you are interested on the topic, this was a waste of money, ans if you couldn't tell I am still very much pissed at this book.

I read this for the non fiction prompt of the 2023 genre bingo.

[ceasarslegion]

So FNV is my fav right not a hot take but I am curious about your takes on the other games? Personally I don’t think the Bethesda games deserve as much hate as they get, like Fo76 is fun for the gameplay and the way they designed the environment and 4 is like a fun camp action movie to me in a way I can’t explain. And admittedly haven’t given 3 a full college try, it feels too restrictive in its narrative for me to enjoy even though 4 is similar in its approach, maybe it’s the extra faction options in 4? Idk

The bethesda games dont deserve the hate they get at all, ive noticed that this trend is completely self-serving and often done by people who haven't even played them all the way through.

Fallout 3 was my first fallout game, and it's my favourite fallout game. Saying that is often enough to have at least 3 people jump down my throat about how shitty they think it is both story-wise and mechanically, often while forgetting that fo3 was the first 3D fallout game and was bound to have some amount of the frontrunner curse: it was the one they made all the mistakes on. This doesn't make it a bad game, it makes it the first one. And in my opinion, I love the story of it. I feel that every single fallout game gets compared to FNV retroactively and then folks don't even give any others a try.

Another thing I've noticed is that the fallout fandom tends to be plagued with the fallout equivalent of genwunners, except that the same criticisms they tear down every bethesda game for are even more prevalent in the interplay games. Not "enough" endings, mechanical issues, etc.

And my take that people really didnt and continue to not like me for regarding besthesda is that bethesda has owned fallout for much much longer than anybody else has at this point. They've made the most installments, contributed all of the lore after the base was established in the 90s, and are the reason the franchise still even exists. Bethesda does not "misunderstand" fallout because you cant misunderstand your own book that you're writing yourself. It's their thing at this point whether the fandom likes it or not. FNV was a spinoff, and obsidian were really not these darling saviors to the lore that theyre presented to be, theyre just any other game studio that made a publishing deal with a different one. And the just... CONSTANT barrage of hate and vitriol towards bethesda feels so unnecessary and self-serving at this point. There's no diversity of opinion in the wider fandom because if you do like the bethesda properties you're treated like some intellectual traitor, which is a red flag to me.

In my opinion, the fallout "fandom" on tumblr doesnt even like fallout. Anything that's not FNV gets crickets of engagement and if its bethesda then its treated like some cardinal sin to have anything positive to say about it without a bunch of caveats attached about how bad it is. And don't even get me started on the utter meltdown there was about one frame of the fallout show because they didn't like what ending bethesda just teased FNV to have had. Any other game fandom would be overjoyed at having a professionally produced show at all, but from the moment it was announced to the moment it finally aired it was NOTHING but criticism and negativity, even before it aired. It's no wonder that bethesda doesn't consider this "fandom" worth listening to when they decide in advance that nothing they make will ever be good enough.

Sorry... this turned into a bit of a bitter rant about the reasons why i left the fallout fandom entirely. I grew up on fo3 and i loved fo4 just as much as any other fallout game, and im loving the show so far (im on episode 5). I love the franchise as a whole, which makes it very hard to engage in anything the fandom does anymore. I like FNV just as much, but i find it hard to engage in anymore because of the constant attitude i got from its fans about the ones i like, especially fo3. Which i know is unfair to it, but i just can not mentally decouple it from that vitriol very well anymore, which is a shame.

And i just... i dont want to hear how much everybody hates the things i love in the same place that claims to be superfans of the franchise in the first place.

Again, sorry. This wasn't your question, and I dont mean to sound like im yelling at you specifically, im really not. I think ive just been a little too consistently hurt by the attitude in the fallout "fandom" to be able to talk about it without bringing it up anymore. I legitimately had some of the most negative and toxic fandom experiences of my life in that community, all because my favourite fallout game wasnt the only one deemed acceptable.

[riceball1759]

A Court of Thorns and Roses (ACOTAR) Review

I did not plan on reading this book. Hype books don’t really work for me, but I’ve started listening to the podcast, Those Forking Fangirls, and they have this segment called ‘Chapter Chat’. They decided to reread ACOTAR and have a 20-ish minute talk about the next chapter near the end of each episode. So, I’m listening to this for a few episodes and thinking, “ok this sounds at least somewhat interesting”. ADHD dopamine kick started: let’s read a sample on Libby and see if it’s worth it. Because this book is so dang long (my opinion), I was able to reach midway through chapter 4. So, I became intrigued enough and got a physical copy from the library (Libby’s wait was stupid long). Read it in a few sittings. I went in expecting nothing. Why? Years later, the fandom-fueled hype is still going strong and I like to make up my own mind instead of expecting it to go one way or the other from the start. Well, I definitely formed my own opinions.

Here we go! This was extremely easy to read (this is NOT a negative criticism). I’d been mulling over this for over a week since finishing so I could explain this as best I can. Maas -at least in this instance- writes in a style similar to James Patterson. DON’T GO IN AN UPROAR! Hear me out:

the language isn’t a complex prose that is what I consider “typical fantasy verbiage”;

she writes in first person POV (Feyre is talking to you as her best friend);

it’s plot-driven: no multitude of literary devices, timelines, and backstories to distract you from what’s really important;

the chapters are easy to read through (not too long, not too short) and end in a way that encourages you to keep going;

plenty of conflict and dialogue, but nothing over-the-top or unnecessary; and finally,

Maas definitely did her research when creating a world based on Anglo-Irish folk religion and she seamlessly created an easy-to-digest world that she owns.

If you don’t believe me, just google “James Patterson writing style”. I’m sure I can’t be the first reader to experience this, but I might be the first to quasi rabbit-hole like this. It makes so much sense, though! I was only 5 chapters in when I realized that I wasn’t having my typical waning interest (as I’m wont to have when I read high fantasy) and was actually engaged in the story. AND I was BLASTING through like a hurricane! This never happens when I read higher-than-middle-grade-level fantasy. Generally: I pause, take a break, pick it up later…or never. Fantasy and SciFi require a lot of active reading from me (looking for plot devices, etc.), but ACOTAR didn’t. It’s easily digestible in that it doesn’t require any more from me than to just sit back and enjoy the show. If that doesn’t fit your bill, then this book is not for you.

Continuing the review: I love me a good fairy tale retelling and ACOTAR is an interesting take on ‘Beauty and the Beast’ without it being too obvious at first look. Here are the elements (I’m going to try to keep my snark from taking over): girl gets taken ‘prisoner’ by beast, she gets the awkward “welcome to your new home” speech, she learns about a curse affecting the land and told not to ask too many questions, she finds out that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” and falls in love because you know why, he sends her back to keep her safe, she can’t stay away because she knows something’s wrong and returns to find him in danger. I think you know where I’m going with this. ANYWAY, that’s the skeleton outline. Everything else is completely made up by Maas and is brilliantly done. Do I want to get into more detail about the characters and other literary devices? Not really. There’s so much of that in other reviews that I think I’d be repetitive. In brief, I really liked the characters’ personalities and can see how they’ve endeared themselves to the ACOTAR fans. All the beauty/beast elements were woven into a unique story that I genuinely enjoyed. Will I read the next one? Most likely.

SIDE NOTE: this is technically New Adult: it features characters over 18 (consenting adults) and is considered a YA-Adult crossover. I’m not pro-censorship, but I do like giving honest feedback on what I think the true ‘age-audience’ is for books that have high crossover appeal. “Guided reading levels” just make for difficult and awkward conversations (remember, I’m a Teen Librarian). I prefer general age ratings similar to manga and video games: this would be 16+ (Older Teens).

Thank you for reading^_^ Have a good one!

[myrulia]

"You Taste Sweeter" - Kokushibou x Self Conscious!Reader

.｡.:*✧Synopsis: You are rather self conscious of yourself and it becomes bothersome to your Upper Moon of a lover. How will you react to you being beneath him and having sweets drizzled all over you, all the while being treated like fragile candy?

.｡.:*✧Warnings: Food play, body worship, praising, dirty talk

.｡.:*✧Word count: 4225

`` Does this look decent? `` You asked whilst slowly turning around to meet the gaze of your one and only, Kokushibou. The Upper Moon One was simply sitting on your shared bed and eyeing your standing form that changed into the fifth outfit of the hour. Truth be told, he was annoyed with your constant switches and why you cared so deeply about others opinion. At the end of the day, if you are comfortable then why worry?

`` [Y/N], choose a kimono already. This is the 5th one and my statement still stands, choose the first one and get it over with, `` said Kokushibou with a harsh tone. You knew he leisurely became aggravated at your hesitancy to decide on an outfit. The process could have been done an hour ago - and yet here you are, standing in front of your mirror with furrowed eyebrows and glaring at your lover. `` Darling, it is not as easy as you make it seem- ``

`` Then what is stopping you? ``

His sudden interruption made you go as quiet as a field mouse. Your back stiffened and it was obvious your entire body became tense. As always, Kokushibou had read you like a book and there was nothing you could do to outsmart him. Sighing out, you allowed your shoulders to drop to relax your stiffened muscles, still standing before the Upper Moon in slight shame that you allowed yourself to hide the truth from him for so long. You did not wish to take so long with choosing a measly outfit - in fact it never took you this long before - but this night was different. It started a little after sundown when you first looked at yourself in nothing but basic lingerie to analyze yourself, and the more you looked, the more you found more imperfections about yourself. You thought to yourself that Kokushibou deserved better than less than perfect, and thinking of the many beautiful humans and demons you have seen in your lifetime, you have come to realize just how truly indifferent you are.

As you were lost in thought, your much taller lover stood up from your shared bed, now taking slow strides to you until he was directly in front of you, placing his much larger hands on your shoulders and heaving out a small breath before speaking - supposedly attempting to de-escalate his aggravation. `` [Y/N], what are you not telling me? ``

In that annoyingly husky voice, Kokushibou leant down to your left ear, speaking in such a deep tone that you had to readjust the clothes that suddenly became tight on your skin. The demon then stood straight with his hands still on your smaller form, all the while you had to recollect yourself in order to speak your truth to your lover. Inhaling and exhaling slowly, you look into the pair of eyes in the middle, finally speaking. `` I have felt uncomfortable in my own skin as of late. I feel like I am not good enough because there are many more beautiful women to choose from so I do not know why you would choose me. ``

This time he let you speak, processing what you said and scoffing in both disbelief and offense. His glare became more prominent on his features so suddenly you felt smaller than what he usually makes you feel. Removing your gaze from his golden irises, you look down at the tatami mat flooring to ignore the internal shame you felt for feeling such ways. It is not like you could control those emotions, you felt as though you could not be compared to any other women your eyes have fallen upon. They were beyond gorgeous and that was a fact you accepted the more you thought about your imperfections.

`` Look at me. ``

His demanding tone lead to your head to snap in the direction of his own, which caused your chin to naturally tilt up. Your lip was quivering - yet barely noticeable because you wanted to look strong for your even stronger lover. Of course, his supernatural vision allowed him to notice every single detail about you, and so he obviously saw the pained expression on your face that you were struggling to hide. Sighing and shaking his head, Kokushibou runs a thumb over your bottom, glossy lip before leaning in and pressing a chaste kiss onto your plump lips. You immediately let out a small whimper as your walls basically became crumbling down, allowing yourself to melt into his embrace.

Your lips practically lunged at his, tasting him for all he is worth while his did the same, indulging himself in your flavor until that is all he could detect on his taste receptors. A kiss that went from something so delicate and innocent now turned salacious and lust-filled. Your back was met with the hard surface of the wall from Kokushibou forcefully pushing you, and so you let out a small gasp that parted your lips yet they were quickly silenced with his landing on yours once more. You were trapped in his embrace in that moment with your small whimpers being hushed by his lips ravaging yours hungrily, obviously wanting something more out of the already heated kiss. Although oxygen was also needed so he withdrew himself from you, all the while you were left a mess and leaning against the wall for support. A hand of yours made its way onto the demon's hair, raking your fingers through the mess until you successfully pulled his ponytail out from its hold. 

While you both chased after your much needed breath, calloused hands moved from your shoulders to your waist, yet positioned themselves at your thighs and hoisted you up on the wall. Instinctively, you wrap your legs around his waist to keep yourself from falling onto the floor, but just as quickly as you also wrapped your arms around his neck, Kokushibou kept his hands firm on your thighs. He sauntered back to your shared bed and placed you gently on the mattress, standing in between your thighs that refused to let him go. The Upper Moon took note of your actions and let out a small chuckle, just before wiping away any stray hairs that had fallen on your face. `` Please wait for me, I need to grab something from the other room. ``

You pouted at his sudden announcement of leaving due to the fact that he already managed to get you this bothered in your own clothes, feeling as though you are suffocating in them. `` Fine, but do hurry, I need you. ``

He simply nodded before placing your legs back down and stepping out of the room quickly to grab who knows what. While your lover is unfortunately gone, your hands spring to strip your body of the overly smothering kimono on your body. You discarded the unnecessary clothing onto the floor, taking no note of the small noise you heard outside of the sliding door connecting to the hallway of your home. 

Whilst you were stuck in the bedroom being impatient as ever, Kokushibou who looked around for a certain something was having a hard time locating the item he acquired merely a few days ago. He let out a low grunt of dissatisfaction multiple times until he successfully located the one thing he desired.

Chocolate.

Not just any chocolate, chocolate syrup that he had many plans with. Having said substance in hand, he strolls back to your shared bedroom only to be met with the sight of your body in nothing but a simple underwear set, but the one thing that caught all six of his eyes was your fingers plunging in and out of your cunt whorishly. Your eyes were closed so you were not aware of his entrance, your cheeks being flushed from the feeling of your fingers - yet it was not enough to pleasure yourself. You twisted and writhed, your legs being clenched shut trying to feel more from yourself, yet you could not satisfy your own needs no matter how rigorously you moved your two digits.

Kokushibou, who continued to move undetected, placed the chocolate onto the bedside table, moving to stand in front of you once completed with the simple task. He could not lie, he was enjoying the sight of you not being able to get yourself off without the help of himself, yet despite enjoying the small little show you were not aware of giving him, his hand finds your wrist, grabbing you gently to stop your movements. You peel your eyes open to meet his gaze, your faces being inches from each other. `` I- I am so sorry- ``

`` There is nothing to apologize for, but my star, let me make you feel how beautiful you are instead. ``

Your cheeks flushed even more once Kokushibou began crawling onto the bed, pulling down your panties by the hem, slowly gliding them down your legs until they were completely off and throwing them to the side as well. His other hand trailing up your thigh and spreading your legs to reveal the delicious sight of your dripping pussy pulsating in such desire for him. You crawled backwards until your back hit the wall once more, meaning you were trapped and at his disposal as always. The male kept his eyes fixated on you and your flustered state that was so easy to cause. You turned your head away feeling flushed and heated in your lower reigns, but you refused to admit to such things. `` [Y/N] I want you to look at me as I pleasure you. ``

His voice returned to the same husky tone he used earlier to seduce you into doing such naughty things, so you found yourself staring into his golden irises again and longing for his touch, his scent to overwhelm your nose, his cock bending your mind to pleasure. You desired him and it was no point in hiding such a fact. There were no words that needed to be uttered in order for Kokushibou to understand just exactly what you needed - but that does not mean he is not going to be a tease about it. 

Laying you down gently, he now has both hands interlocked with yours, hovering above your almost entirely exposed body while the only thing exposed of his was his chest and abdomen. It was a habit of his to wander around your shared living space in nothing but a measly hakama that teased the living hell out of you, and even now, it seemed like the fabric was mocking you again, blocking your view of his muscular body above yours. `` My love, I never want you to feel like you are anything less than utterly beautiful. You will forever be the brightest star in my life and nothing can change that. Please do not feel those things about yourself ever again, otherwise the punishment will be far worse than this. ``

`` What do you mean punishme- oh, `` you managed to let out a small gasp at the end of your questioning sentence in view of the fact that your lover grabbed something you never would have even guessed he owned, drizzling the light brown substance all over your lower abdomen. The cold feeling being left on your exposed skin caused you to squirm - just a bit - so you could adjust yourself to the temperature, and seeing you struggle was amusing to the demon before you. A large hand glides up your arms, stopping just in front of your still covered chest by that accursed bra of yours, so in one swift movement, it is ripped from your body and in shreds on the floor. You let out a miniscule whimper at your nipples now being exposed to the cold air around you.

Kokushibou's hands then trailed to your cold, erected nipples, fondling with the two sensitive buds while watching your face scrunch at the tease of pleasure he was giving you. Bucking your hips up, you whine much more audibly this time, making your needs and wants known to the Upper Moon because the teasing was driving you mad. A deep chuckle escaped his lips. Now leaning his head forward, his tongue probes out from his mouth and landing on your skin, coaxing the wet muscle with the chocolate he drizzled all over your stomach without shame. He continued to eye your expression, only to see that your eyes were closed and your head was now tilted back. He figured your nipples got the teasing they deserved so he pressed the pad of his thumb on the buds before gripping your breasts entirely, kneading the two globes while his tongue explored your body.

You writhed beneath him each time his fangs would brush against your skin, multiple shivers emitting from your spine that caused you to shiver. The feeling of his tongue on your body trailing up in between the valley of your breast was mind numbing and your toes curled at this. Kokushibou knew what he was doing as he got closer and closer to his face, his tongue being lathered in chocolate and saliva, the two substances that made a dangerous combination on your skin. You refused to open your eyes because now your cheeks were crimson all over again. You never would have expected such acts from a demon like the Upper Moon, and yet here you are underneath him being treated like royalty almost. 

`` I will not ask this again [Y/N], open your eyes and look at me. ``

You followed his orders - slowly. It was on purpose just to see how far he is willing to go to get his point across. Yes you were going to be a brat about it, but gradually become worse over time.

Once your eyes were fixated on him, his hand that was on your left breast gripped your cheeks, which caused your lips to be puckered open and you looked in shock as the demon spat in your mouth before exerting his lips onto yours. His tongue forcibly entered your mouth, allowing you to taste the sweet chocolate on his taste buds that was being transferred to yours, saliva getting in the mix until you could not tell who's was who's. Your hands that were originally gripped the bedsheets now wrapped themselves around his neck, pulling him closer until your chest was pressed against his. Soon you pulled away for oxygen, and it took one glance in each other's eyes to know what the latter wanted. `` Kokushibou I am sorry for wasting o-our time. Please do not tease for long. I need you to fulfill my needs. ``

`` Do not worry, your needs will be fulfilled when I say so, my star, `` Kokushibou said in a lower tone, letting go of your face and breast to finally rid of the difficult hakama covering his own erection. He quickly discarded the fabric and threw it onto the floor beside the bed, looking down at you with a fire ablaze in his eyes, peering at your body having chocolate smeared all over, but he is not done with the sweet treat just yet. `` It does not seem like you are doing much about my needs darling. ``

`` Do not worry, they will soon enough, just be patient, `` he reassured while caressing your face ever so gently with his fingers. The gesture was gentle and loving in a sense, yet you felt his girthy length invaded your already flexing pussy. Your eyes fluttered back as you do nothing but surrender yourself to complete bliss. `` Kokushibou! Warn m-me..! ``

`` You do not deserve a warning, this is a punishment..- after all, `` he snarled in response. His calloused hands found yours, taking the chance to interlock your fingers and stare down at your beautiful irises. `` You deserve to feel what it is like to be loved, and so I will not stop until you know just how beautiful you are. ``

You simply nodded, not really knowing what else to do in that moment since you felt so full because of his cock alone. You tried to adjust yourself, yet your walls continued to contract and clench on his length, and that was all it took for the male to start his slow, yet hard thrusts. He pulled out slowly, barely to the tip, before slamming himself back inside you. You inhaled sharply before letting out a loud, breathy moan, rolling your hips so you can ease the fiery pain and pleasure that overflooded your senses throughout your entire body.  Kokushibou let out a deep groan before it quickly changed into an also breathy moan, tilting his head back whilst his hands started to grip yours. He was losing control and it was obvious with how every vein pulsed on his body and became more prominent.

Moan after moan escaped your lips each time he continuously rammed his length deep inside you, reaching every goddamn spot inside of your silky insides covered in your delectable juices that made it much more easier for Kokushibou to slide in and out of your hole effortlessly. The hard rutting of his hips against yours became bruising due to the fact that his thrusts were roughly inflicting pleasure to your pussy and your skin would meet with his every time. It was too much and he barely did anything.

Your hands wormed out of his to get a better grip of something, anything, just to calm the electrifying waves of pleasure taking over your nervous system as a whole, so you moved your hands to his back and clawed at his skin for dear life. The action earned you a low growl from Kokushibou who had to grip onto the bedsheets for dear life just to hold himself up. Your nails digging into his back was painful - but enjoyable to know that he is pleasuring you this well - yet very far from done.

`` Enjoying yourself? `` He mocked whilst finally looking down at whatever ruined state you were already in. Your eyes had managed to roll back fully, your tongue being partially lolled out of your gaping mouth. Sweat droplets managed to form on your face due to the sheer amount of force his thrusts had. You nodded your head quickly in response, not being able to let out anything else except for moans of his name and moans in general, which was such a radiant sight to see for Kokushibou who knew just what to do to have you seeing stars. He himself was becoming pleasure blinded, for his slow yet rough paced was slowly becoming more rapid as more perspiration formed on his chest, forehead, arms, and lower abdomen. It was a sexy sight to say the least as groan after breathy groan came from his lips, but that quickly latched onto the side of your throat, biting the flesh - yet not enough to actually tear skin. `` Do..- Do you think I am done with you? This was just the start [Y/N]. ``

You could not conjure up a proper response, just a loud moan as you felt a hardened tip kiss against the entrance of your cervix. The feeling sent more shocks of pleasure throughout your nervous system, your breath hitching and your face scrunching up once more. `` I believe you will.. try your best!- Ngh- But what will you do.. if you do n-not succeed? ``

`` That will not happen.. rest assured. You will not know anything else but just how much of a beautiful person you are, o-okay? `` You could have sworn you heard Kokushibou out of all demons stutter on his own words. Your walls began clamping down on his cock that continued to fill your insides with each rough movement, so you felt yourself becoming closer to your climax than you had hoped.

Your chests were practically glued together from the combined sweat of your bodies as his pace never faltered, only continuing to further quicken and add on to your mind going foggy. `` I cannot have you going blank just yet, stay with me, my love. ``

His words went in one ear and out the other, but as soon as you felt the cold substance be drizzled on your chest, you gasped out his name audibly whilst having your mouth set agape even more. You tried to process one thing at a time yet before you knew it his vein covered hands gripped your breasts with such force that you arched your back into his chest even more, your breath hitching at the suddenness. `` Y-Yes I promise..! ``

Kokushibou's tongue darted to your chocolate-covered nipple first, bathing his taste receptors in the sweet substance all the while sucking greedily on the erected bud. Your moans came out more shaky each time a groan emitted from his esophagus, the vibrations transferring to your own body that just made your pleasure enhanced senses skyrocket. `` The chocolate may be sweet..- `` Kokushibou paused. `` ..But you taste sweeter. ``

His mouth moved from one nipple to the other, repeating the action of licking your chest clean that had you seeing stars at that point. The roughness of his thrusts still kissing just against your cervix sending constant tsunamis of intense pleasure throughout your entire being was starting to become mind numbing as your climax was slowly approaching. 

`` Ko-Kokushibou- ah! I'm going to.. cum-! `` You shouted out above your moans, your mouth being left agape due to the sudden pace change of force being put into the plunging of his cock going deeper and deeper inside you with each loud mewl of his name. It was driving him crazy having your nails dig further into his back that was bound to leave marks clear as day, yet he did not mind because the pain was one of the only things keeping him from losing himself in the pleasure your slick-covered walls were giving him. He merely groaned in response, nodding rapidly, not wanting to answer in coherent words in view of the fact that his tongue was still gathering any remaining chocolate on your chest, trailing the wet muscle up your neck and leaving yet another bite mark next to the one he left earlier.

`` I want you- fuck- I want you to know how beautiful you are.. inside and out..-`` Kokushibou said, his tone being more rugged than before feeling his own climax approach ever so slowly, building up to release his load within your depths. The swelling within your core would not stop growing until eventually your mind was painted white, releasing on your lover's cock and squeezing your eyes shut to truly savor the feeling of your walls being coated with your cum that continued to spasm around his cock.

Just as you were still lost in a shocked state of your orgasm, your face was suddenly gripped by two masculine hands, being forced to look at the owner in his eyes that read "Upper Moon One." `` I'm going to cum inside you, and you better be appreciative of every single drop, otherwise there will be consequences.``

You simply nodded as quickly as you could, his thrusts still not faltering. Although with one slam of his hips against yours, his seed is suddenly erupting inside you, your eyes now rolling back once more at the feeling of being filled to the brim. You felt full to say the least, since your cum was mixed with his, swelling your tummy even. A deep and breathy groan escaped Kokushibou's lips as he continued to release his cum within your aching cunt that seemed to milk him dry with each throb. 

The demon had finally stilled once his peak of pleasure had finally settled down, his body still hovering above yours as his 3 pairs of eyes could not tear themselves from your whorish expression. Your cheeks had a few tear stains, as well as your eyes being bloodshot and rolled into the back of your head, your mouth being left hanging open that had saliva dripping from your twitching lips. It was an amusing sight to say the least to Kokushibou, for seeing you in such a ruined state could instantly get his cock hard again at the thought of him being able to make you see other worlds with his length alone. His calloused hand caressed your face, a gentle action that brought you back to your senses, being able to focus on his handsome face again. 

There was a loving smile on your face that was small - but there, even though your face was practically ruined. You leaned into his hand and closed your eyes, allowing yourself to melt into the warmth of his palm that you craved to feel in a gentle manner. You both had heavy breathes, trying to desperately regain oxygen after using your energy for such a scandalous act, yet the male before you used his energy to lay beside you, now turning you around so that your back is pressed against his chest and your leg raised by his other free hand. `` If you think I was done with you [Y/N], then you are sadly mistaken. I want you to remember that you are beautiful whether you think so or not. So answer me, do you believe you are beautiful? ``

`` Yes of course I do..!- ``

`` That did not sound so convincing my love, I suggest you need to be reminded again. ``

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

[darlingbudsofrae]

Andrew Minyard Appreciation Post

Foxes Appreciation Series : || 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6  || 7 || 8 || 9 || 10 ||

I believe that even with all the overwhelming Andrew Minyard content, we can never give the love this precious soul deserves.

Andrew Joseph Minyard deserves all the love in this universe.

He is very loyal.

Like, because he was often left behind most of the times in his past, it’s kind of ironic how Andrew understands the concept of family.

How willing he is to fight for his family, keep his family- even if it doesn’t show in the most obvious ways.

Friendly reminder that Andrew Minyard strike deals with people because he thinks it’s the only way to make people stay.

Friendly reminder that he is willing to go through hell and back for his family to the point of even hurting himself.

Because he could give less shit if he gets hurt. This MF is willing to go all in in protecting “his” people even if it kills him because he just don’t see anything worth living his life all the while secretly doing the best he could because he wants his family to succeed and that’s just-

Isn’t it ironic that everything Andrew Minyard are for are also the same things that ended up hurting him?

Like this kid honors promises to a fault and ensures hope when necessary (eg Kevin and Neil) when his life consisted nothing of false hopes and broken promises.

Did you know that the second character in the book to say the word fine the most is Andrew? While Neil says fine as a defense mechanism, Andrew mostly says the word to assure others that they’re going to be okay when they’re overthinking.

He also really values consent and that first kiss with Neil, when he pushed him and said he wasn’t in the head space to give it? That scene is underrated af.

Also, for someone who got lied to all his life, Andrew is so honest. He tells the truth in all its ugly glory because better terrible truths than kind lies.

Honesty suited Andrew because he was an instigator at heart and his opinions were often unpopular.

Andrew Minyard is not a good person- doesn’t try to convince someone he’s a good person.

He threatens people, he can kill without a second thought. I think this is why most people view him as “psychotic” but if you do read the times Andrew act out on violence, they’re mostly because they’re provoked by inappropriate behavior slash words.

Like with Nicky, and the things he says about Neil and Kevin. I really like that Andrew acts on that because as violent as it is and as much as I love Nicky, he tends to oversexualize someone and say unnecessary and inappropriate things.

I love how Andrew doesn’t act like he likes people. Doesn’t feel inclined to make someone comfortable. 

And honestly, who can blame him when most of the foxes see him as a monster? Like I love the foxes but they’re judgmental assholes.

I really hate this about the books, like I can defend why the upperclassmen and even his own family sees him as such but it just gets to me.

Because for me, out of all the people there is in the world, the foxes should’ve been the first people to understand that Andrew was human with real feelings- that he didn’t have to act on a certain way.

I will never get over about how until the end of the book, the rest of the foxes still sees him that way.

As someone who went thru a lot of shit, Andrew was such a comfort character. Personally, I feel like his character arc was one of the best ones I’ve read.

He’s coping, still coping- and that’s okay.

Y’know what I love about Andrew most? He actively goes to therapy. In a way, despite seemingly giving up on everything, kid is willing to fix himself.

And maybe the results are slow or next to none but so what? He doesn’t have to recover immediately and honestly, reading AFTG back in a time when I was pressuring myself to heal fast because I was too frustrated with everything- reading Andrew was like getting washed by a cold bucket of water.

Recovery takes time. Healing is a process. And it could even take years and no matter how long it takes, it’s okay ✨

Also, another thing I like about Andrew’s character was that Nora made a point about not forgiving abusers. Most books tend to send that message (which is disgusting) but with Andrew’s character, it’s clear that you don’t have to attach yourself to your abusers.

Forgiving abusers is not a necessary part of the healing process. 

 This is getting dark so to lighten things up a bit, Andrew has a sweet tooth. He loves ice cream.

Also, he majored in criminal justice and I know Nora said he did that just to be a troll but I like to believe that deep inside, he wants to help those who are in a situation like him and actually make the world a better place.

Andrew knows what to do when someone’s breaking down. Like, with every character, his apathy aside, he always knows how to act.

Also, he’s one of those annoying even-if-I-don’t-make-an-effort-I’m-talented-af-and-can-still-perform-well-so-sue-me assholes and normally I hate those type of characters but Andrew was an exemption. 

Like, we do not talk enough about the fact that he asked Wymack to choose between numbers 1 - 5 and only let that number of goals in of the opposing team that night before shutting down the goal completely.

Or that he only let 13 of the ravens’ shots - the nation’s best team - in and that is oh my gods where do I even begin with Andrew Joseph Minyard being a superior goalie I cannot-

Also the fact that Andrew completely shut down the goal when Neil freaking asked him to- who is this man? 

What a simp. What power. 

I hope in the AFTG universe, someone out there is doing the god’s work and compiling his saves. Like, I don’t normally watch sports stuff cuz I hate sports but I would pay good money to see that yes sir I will.

We could talk about Andrew’s saves more but that just deserves its own post cuz it’s chef kisses

We do not talk enough about Andrew’s eidetic memory. Seriously, we don’t.

Also, you can say all you want that he’s an emo kid but kid has good fashion sense.

Andrew seriously has the best lines in the series. Did some of them made me choke and wheeze and cringe? Yes. But did most of them make me cry like a bitch and hit my heart right where it hurts? Also yes.

“Congratulations are in order, I suppose! Since I have none to give, I will tell the others to respond appropriately.”

Also, some of them were lowkey Shakespearean and I refuse to believe that Andrew doesn’t read Shakespeare-

Seriously, he’s so extra but he’s also so traumatized and such a gay disaster I can’t-

He’s five foot short.

[hello-nichya-here]

Ok, so what in your opinion is the WORST mistake that the showrunners for Game of Thrones made in terms of content, either it's addition or redaction?

WARNING: Looooooong post ahead

Themes are for eighth-grade book reports

This absurd quote by one of the showrunners explains why exactly the show fell appart. They wanted to make a story... without themes. Anyone with a minimally functioning brain will tell that this is impossible because every story, even the simplest and least complicated story there ever, has a theme. Even a nihilistic story has a theme "Nothing matters". Every. Story. Has. A. Theme.

But Game Of Thrones didn't, at least not after the writers ran out of books to adapt and did their own thing. Everything every character did was no longer to build a narrative, but to essentially act as click-bait. The focus was to make people keep watching, not on making any content that was worth watching.

The first four seasons had it's problems, just like the books had it's problems, but Martin's writting was so brilliant that it managed to stay good even while being handled by absolute clowns. The moment season four ended was the moment the show stopped being an adaptation and became it's own thing - and like I explained before, said thing wasn't a story.

Shock

Both the show and the books had MANY shocking, heart-breaking and downright horrifying scenes: Daenerys being raped by Drogo; Bran being pushed out the window after accidentally seeing the queen fucking her brother; the whole deal with Craster and his daughters; the Dotrakhi destroying Mirri's village and her revenge against them and Daenerys; Ned's death; Melisandre giving birth to a shadow baby that killed Renly; The Red Wedding; Jeoffrey's death; Tyrion killing his father; Theon being tortured by Ramsay...

The difference is there were REASONS behind the shocking scenes Martin created. Even when you look at things like rape and torture scenes and threats of rape/torture - Martin used those scenes to remind us that the world he created is an EXTREMELY dangerous and downright vile place, and that the characters are never truly safe, and that there are WAY worse things than just being killed.

Dumb & Dumber on the other hand, gaves us scenes like an evil, former man of the night's watch evily making an evil speech to his fellow evil men, evily drinking whine from a human skull while nameless women were being raped in the background - but little does he know that Jon Snow, the hero, is about to wreck his shit. It takes something that could realistically happen (and that did happen in the books) and takes it up to eleven because the writers think shock is the same as quality and that the audience is SO STUPID that they need to practically make the actor jump out of the TV, grab us by the shoulders and scream "I'M EVIL! I'M THE BIG BAD! ROOT FOR THE HERO TO KILL ME!"

Pretty much every bad guy became a parody of Jeoffrey, ironically enough because the writers took Jeoffrey too seriously. He was a cruel, sadistic character, who had WAY too much power - but he was also a spoiled baby whose reply to Tyrion bitch-slapping him wasn't a threat, but "I'M TELLING MOM!" Jeoffrey worked because he was only allowed to do his thing whenever smarter, more competent characters like Tyrion and Tywin where not around, meaning his actions, while inhumane, never reached the point of no longer being believable.

The horrible things that happened to the characters no longer felt "right". For instance, Sansa had just been taken to the Eerie by Little Finger, who has a weird complex in which he sees her both as the daughter he never had with Catelyn AND as a replacement for Catelyn, and she was starting to truly be a player instead of a pawn... and then the writers realized "Oh shit, we should have not cut the Jeyne Pool/Fake Arya' plot, that was important" and forced it on Sansa, making Little Finger hand her on a silver plater to Ramsay and turning her into a victim AGAIN, this time to a man that dramatically fights his enemies without a shirt own, practically saying "come at me bro"

Compare this to Ned's beheading, or Catelyn and Rob being betrayed and killed by the Freys. These moments were shocking and downright depressing - but they were earned. The writting was on the wall for anyone to see: Ned was at the mercy of Jeoffrey, and the Starks had given the Freys, who are notoriously disloyal, a reason to resent them. These twists felt completely natural, were the only logical way for the situation the characters were in to play out, AND they had consequences to plot instead of just making the audience gasp and then being forgotten about.

Plot armor

It's kind of ironic and almost tragic that the show that became famous for killing characters later became the worst type of high-stakes series, putting the characters in situations they could NOT survive, not even if a goddamn miracle happened, and having them live anyway. What's even worse is that it happened repeatedly. If I had to see Jon Snow almost die and then survive anyway one more fucking time I was going to lose my mind.

There's no bigger proof that there were just no consequences for the "main" characters anymore than watching the second, third, and fourth episodes of season either. The first sets up that this battle against the night king and his army of undead is likely going to kill the majority of them, if they're lucky... and then in the third we see the plot armor in all of it's "glory", and then in the forth we find out that the Dotrakhi, who had ALL been killed, actually still have half the numbers they had the night before, somehow. Even red-shirts weren't dying anymore.

DORNE

This disaster needed it's own session because HOLY SHIT, it's a miracle/tragedy that everyone didn't go "Fuck it, I'm never watching another episode of this stupid show."

The Dorne plot in the books isn't perfect, but what the show did to it was so fucking bad that I'm pretty sure the writers didn't even read the Dorne chapters in the books, they just looked at a wiki, wrote down the names of a few characters and then did their own shitty thing.

In the books, Doran Martel is a clever, dangerous man, who pretends to be harmless so people will understimate him and step right into his trap. In the show, Doran Martel... died. That's it. I can't remember anything else that happened to him. Add him to the list of "Brilliant characters that became stupid due to shitty writing", I'm sure Tyrion, Varys and Little Finger will love making him company.

The sand-snakes, one of the main driving force of that plot, were all distinct characters in the books, with their personalities, goals, methods and motivations - basically they were created by a writer who knew what he is was doing. In the show they were all the same "character" who could be perfectly described by that horrible, cringy, PAINFUL line one of them (I can't even remember which) said to Bron "You want a good girl, but you need the bad pussy" (Seriously, if that actress ever kills the show-runners as revenge for having to say that, she'll be 100% justifyed in doing so)

And we cannot forget the driving force behind that unwatchable shit show: Ellaria Sand. In the books, the death of Oberyn made her believe that revenge only leads to more blood-shed. In the show, his death enraged to the point of wanting to avenge him and his family, and she did this... by killing his family. If that doesn't explain how insane and stupid this plot-line was, I don't know what will.

Hype = Character assassination

Many shows are based around the conflict between the bad guys and the good guys. Game Of Thrones is not one of these shows. Or at least it wasn't. As they ran out of ideas, the writers started mutilating every single character until they could be label as "Good" or "Bad", regardless of what felt right to the story and to the point that there was nothing left of said characters. Stannis's actor, Stephen Dillane, straight up said that the only thing he got from being on the show was money and that his character's motivations and decisions were nonsense - ironically enough, that kind of brutal honesty means that the writers had THE perfect actor play Stannis, and wasted his fucking time.

Here's a list of the characters that fell victims to this horrible fate: Catelyn Stark, Tyrion Lannister, Sansa Stark, Arya Stark, Jon Snow, Melisandre, Stannis, Jorah, Daenerys (bonus points for being mutilated into being both a generic, shitty "hero" and a generic, shitty "villain") Greyworm, Rhaegar Targaryen, Lyanna Stark...

Pretty much the only character who became more complex in the show than she was in the books was Cersei. While her book self was never just a "Generic Evil Queen", the show version of her was far more sympathetic, which made the stories she was part of interesting. Too bad the writers ran out of ideas of what to do with her after season six and just left her by the window drinking whine until Dany showed up to kill her. Which brings us to...

Why is this happening?

Cersei was seen as a threat in the last two seasons based on nothing but the things she HAD done. Her story just ended the very second season six did, but since she was still alive despite being one of the bad guys she had to die... I guess. She (and by extention Jaime) joined the list of characters that had nothing to do, but were still around: Davos, Theon, Yara, Melisandre, Bron, Sam, Gendry, Bran (the last one being SO unnecessary that he was cut from season five and no one noticed)

To combat that issue, the writers gave characters "motivations" that made no sense. For exemple: Sandor Clegane. His only reason to be in the show was so he could kill his brother. The problem was that Gregor was already dead. He was a walking corpse. There was nothing left of the abusive brother Sandor once knew, meaning he had no reason to fight him, and that, to keep Sandor around, the writers should have come up something new (like the redemption that book fans have been waiting for, and that has a lot of backing evidence). You might as well have had HIM be the one to randomly fly out of nowhere and kill the night king despite having no connection to him.

And since we're talking about the night king... Arya was the one to kill him. Why? Because the writers ruined Jaime's redemption arc, meaning that the only fitting ending for him was to die with Cersei, and so Arya could not kill Cersei despite wanting to, having the ability to do, AND having heard a prophecy that said she'd "Shutting brown eyes, blue eyes, and green eyes forever", the last one being the only one she had not done AND applying to Cersei. But Dumb & Dumber admitted they had no plan for this, so now that they were at the last season, they needed to do something with it, and they retconned it to mean Arya would kill the night king...

But Arya killing him meant Jon had nothing to do, so Dany had to go mad so he could kill her. To "hint" at that, they ignored all the not at all subtle foreshadowing the previous season had of Dany and Jon having a kid, and they even showed her getting jealous that he was technically the true heir... even though that made no sense since they were going to rule together anyway, and even after Dany went full "Mad Queen" she ASKED HIM TO RULE WITH HER. But anyways, he kills her and becomes king...

Except he doesn't actually become king and him being a secret Targaryen has no effect in the plot, because Bran needed to become king so there'd be a reason for him to be alive, because his magical powers turned into a plot-device. A plot-device that wasn't used at any goddamn point. Seriously, the only thing as bad as Bran becoming king was Euron's existence - dude was THE most useless villain ever AND the worst Jeoffrey parody.

A darker story (literally)

I could not end this rant without bitching about this. What is the point of spending an ungodly amount of money on sets, costumes, make-up, special effects... and then using such poor lighting that no one can see what the fucking is going on?

Anyway, this disaster of a series was so absurd it should be used as an exemple of what NOT to do.

[thewritinggrindstone]

Identifying Harmful Repetition in Your Writing

Something I’ve encountered ad nauseam over the last few projects I’ve edited is a relentless repetition of words, phrases, and ideas. One of the most frustrating and confidence-destroying issues a reader can encounter is poorly executed repetition, which can stem from different problems, including:

Too much reliance on your natural stock phrases.

Limited vocabulary.

Not proofreading close enough or editing thoroughly enough.

Lack of confidence.

Not writing with the reader in mind.

I want to preface this with the fact that obviously certain types of repetition aren’t bad. Repetition is an incredibly powerful tool when used effectively, and what’s effective is subjective per book and per reader. That’s a massive topic for another time. This post is specifically about egregious uses of repetition, the types that any good editor or beta reader will point out as in need of fixing.

Stock Phrases and Words

Every person has their own unique lexicon, a repository of words and phrases they naturally will draw upon when they speak, write, and even think. There’s a reason clichés are prevalent, and that’s because the brain likes the path of least resistance. It’s easy to mentally grab those words and phrases that are constantly in arm’s reach, those words and phrases that are comfortable and familiar, but constantly doing this while writing and then not changing them can result in overuse that is noticeable on both stylistic and technical levels. It can also lead a reader to the understanding that you haven’t thought critically about what you’re writing, which can and will undermine their confidence in you.

If you’re writing a first draft, don’t worry about this too much. You probably just need to focus on putting words down, not exactly what those words are. Repetition is an issue that can and should be intentionally fixed during the revision process.

If this is a problem that bugs you even when you’re drafting, there are different ways of dealing with it. I tend to be highly aware of most repetition within my work, and because I constantly edit as I write, backtracking to add/move information as I go doesn’t tend to interrupt my workflow too much. If I know I’ve already used a word and can’t think of something better after several seconds’ thought, I’ll use the repetition and immediately flag it somehow—usually with a “repeat” comment—so I can deal with it once I’ve completed the draft. Opening a thesaurus or dictionary tends to be more disruptive during drafting than it’s worth, but sometimes it isn’t, and you will need to determine what works best for you according to your own style.

Once you’re ready to target the issue of repetition, you will need to work hard, think hard. Don’t settle for the easy word, the stock phrase, the cliché. Discard the timeworn, the tired, the used-before. Play with language—try to come up with new phrases, unique descriptions. Get silly, flip rocks over, dig around under them, push things as far as you need to create something different, then go back and edit again, refining what you’ve written until you’re satisfied.

It’s going to be a process. It’s going to be difficult. It won’t be natural at first; you’ll need to form new pathways in your brain, just like when you learn any new skill, and that’s uncomfortable, but if you persist, your writing will be fresh and alive and won’t be as prone to being bogged down by reader-infuriating repetition.

Limited Vocabulary

Tying into the idea of your personal lexicon is the size of it. No matter how much you pay attention to precisely what words or phrases you’re using, you won’t have much in the way of options if you don’t have at least a good-sized repertoire to draw from.

Increasing your lexicon is something that just takes dedication and time. You can’t rush it, you can’t force it, but you can be deliberate in growing it. Read broadly, maybe bookmark or sign up for your favorite dictionary’s word of the day, or keep a word cache of interesting words or phrases you like.* I have a document titled “word hoard” in Dropbox where I keep all unusual, unfamiliar, or beautiful words I encounter as well as their function(s) and definitions. Most of these words haven’t properly entered my own lexicon yet, but actively being aware of words that are anywhere from slightly to completely outside what you usually use will help you become a more mindful writer.

* I got this idea from Barbara Baig’s Spellbinding Sentences, which is one of my favorite books I’ve ever read on writing.

Lack of Proofreading/Editing

The identification and elimination of repetition hovers somewhere between content editing and technical editing. It’s an easy problem to skim over, especially when you’re the writer because you’re likely too familiar with every word you’ve put down, and issues like this tend to fade into the background. This is particularly true of writers who have reworded or reorganized a given piece of writing, since repetition can easily become lost in the jumble.

If possible, set your project aside for at least a few days—preferably a few weeks or even longer—then come back to it and read it with fresh eyes while intentionally noting and commenting on or highlighting all uses of repetition, big and small. If you aren’t sure if it’s something you repeated, flag it anyway—you can always check later.

If you don’t have time to set the project aside for a while, read your work aloud. If you can’t bear reading your work aloud or you aren’t able due to circumstances, listen to the document instead. Word has a read aloud function, and there are many online text-to-speech websites where you can paste a piece of writing. The unnatural cadence of the artificial voice might be weird and awkward at first, but listening won’t fully engage the “reading” portion of your brain, and you’ll likely find it easier to notice uses of repetition, among other problems. While writing this post, I have listened through it three times, tweaking phrasing and eliminating repetition—and deleting some of the harsher statements—as I go.

If you’re feeling really brave, have another person read your writing back at you. Nothing like being uncomfortably hyperaware of every word you’ve put down to recognize pretty much every single problem within your work. Just do not overcompensate and decide that nothing you’ve written has any value at all (it does), or that you’ll need to change everything (you don’t). If you approach this method with the understanding that it’s going to be awkward but are nevertheless determined to get something useful out of it, you’ll benefit, especially if your reading partner is willing to help you with any areas you feel you need assistance in.

When editing for repetition, if possible, pay attention not only to noun/verb/adjective usage. Go deeper. What types of repetition are you prone to using? Do you begin a significant portion of your sentences with conjunctions? Are there certain conjunctions you use more frequently than others? Do you reiterate entire sentences two or more times with only slight variations in wording? Do you return to the same idea numerous times? What about tone, do you use lots of rhetorical questions? Sarcasm? Self-deprecation? Self-boasting? Do you frequently return to the same imagery or settings or use of metaphor? Or grammar—are there certain punctuation marks or grammatical conventions you use more than others? Do you have a sentence construction you consistently fall back on?

Again, some of these questions might require an outside opinion for you to find suitable answers, but becoming self-aware of not just what you do but why you do will help you recognize these patterns, which in turn can help you mentally eliminate repetition before it even makes it past your fingertips.

Lack of Confidence

Widespread repetition of sentences and ideas is often a major symptom of a writer who isn’t confident in their abilities to communicate what they’re talking about. “If I just tell you this fact again, surely you’ll believe me this time. I’ll make you believe me. Do you believe me now? What about now? Now? Now?”

The painful truth is... no.

Encountering mindless or fear-based repetition is extremely frustrating for readers. Inevitably, without fail, every single time I edit a book by a writer who has repeated themselves over and over and over again, with every single repetition, I increasingly doubt both their credibility and their ability to pass on important knowledge to me. I feel either patronized and insulted, or I feel annoyed because it seems like the author threw their thoughts down on paper in whatever order they came out and then hit publish with

no regard for how those thoughts will be perceived by others, and

no regard for how they are wasting the reader’s time.

Please, please do not undermine your credibility by repeating yourself. Readers usually only need to read information one time for them to absorb it, maybe twice, so trust your readers. If the reader needs to come back to information, they have that ability. Do not force unnecessary repetition in their faces. Always assume readers are at least as smart as you. If you don’t need the information repeated, give your readers the same respect.

Increasing your writing confidence will once again take time and effort. You’ll need to determine why you’re not confident and then seek out methods of correcting the issue(s). In general, fear of not being heard or understood tends to be the underlying cause of repetition, so learn how to be deliberate in your writing. Say what you mean to say. Say exactly what you mean to say. Understand that you have something important to share with the world, so share it—then stop. Readers will appreciate you for not wasting their time.

 Writing for Yourself

Yesterday I finished editing a project just over 88,000 words. Nineteen chapters. Almost 250 pages.

I hated every word, and I learned nothing.

If it had been a line edit, I could’ve cut the book’s word count down below 50K merely by eliminating all of the repetition. This author is infatuated with the sound of their own voice, talked on and on and on merely to hear their own self-revelations and how special they are compared to everyone else stated again and again in near-identical sentences.

I’m editing another book right now that is less self-important and is far more interesting on the whole (and is thankfully over a hundred pages shorter), but again, the author has repeated themselves sometimes three or four or five times, with some phrases appearing over fifteen times, and I can feel my resentment growing. If an author isn’t going to take the time to put forth a thoughtfully crafted piece of writing, why should a reader likewise invest in it?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with writing for yourself. You should—you’ll learn a lot about yourself as both person and writer, and you’ll enjoy writing more, and you’ll (hopefully) be able to refine your skills.

But if—if—you intend to share your writing with the world, if you actually have something to say, you need to be aware that you have a duty to make yourself understood without wasting people’s time. Do not make people regret having picked up your writing by being so in love with the sound of your own voice that you are no longer courteous to others.

Love your writing. Love it fiercely and passionately and with reckless abandon, but reach a place where you know how your writing is going to be perceived at large. Use as many words as you need to get your point across and no more.

In Closing

If you’re still having difficulty identifying repetition within your own work, ask someone who is skilled at recognizing this issue to look over your writing. It’s always easier to recognize repetition when you haven’t written it, so fresh eyes can give you the insight you might not be able to see yourself.

Know your audience. A children’s book will require a different level of repetition than an instruction manual or a sci-fi novel or an autobiography. If you’re reading a recipe, you’d be annoyed and confused if the author told you to add the same ingredient twice due to shoddy proofreading. Write and repeat accordingly.

Whatever you’re writing, make a point of intentionally performing at least one round of editing with the intention of eliminating unnecessary repetition. Your readers will appreciate it more than you’ll ever know.

[lizziestudieshistory]

Books of 2021: The Way of Kings - Brandon Sanderson

I have a few things to acknowledge here before we get into the proper review - this is REALLY LONG and VERY CRITICAL. I promise you I do genuinely love The Stormlight Archive, but if you are someone who doesn’t like to see criticism of Sanderson or Stormlight, then please don’t read this.

This review has spoilers for The Stormlight Archive - you have been warned.

I’ve made no secret of my love for the Stormlight Archive - it’s my favourite ongoing fantasy series. I’ve also avoided reviewing it, and I’ve been putting it off since I first read it back in 2016 (could be 2017? It was a while ago.) How could I review something I love so much? How do I approach reviewing a 1,100 page epic fantasy novel? I just didn’t know. To be honest, I still don’t. I adore this series, it’s become part of my identity - if you asked any of my friends what’s Lizzie’s favourite book they would probably say Stormlight. Maybe Lord of the Rings but that’s a different kettle of fish.

I’ve reread The Stormlight Archive annually for the last five years. I promise myself I won’t reread it and let myself come back in anticipation for the next book. I’ve failed miserably every year. And these aren’t small undertakings - they’re each 1,000 pages and there’s four of them now! For context I usually only read 2,500 pages a month. 

So, I’ve finally decided to review these doorstoppers dressed up as fantasy novels. These reviews are mainly for myself, they’re going to be self indulgent, long, and focus on what I want to discuss like characters, structure, and prose - rather than reviewing the things I should probably talk about (like the actual plot…) I want to work through all the things I love about this behemoth of the modern fantasy genre, but also focus on its flaws. The praise for Sanderson is everywhere, so I want to work through my honest opinion of these books, work out why I love them, and I’ll invite you on this journey of self discovery with me. 

Structure

I’m yet to work out why I’m starting with structure but we are, I guess it helps with the framing. In case you’re reading this having not read The Way of Kings, each book in the Stormlight Archive is made up of 5 main parts that follow major viewpoint characters, and the parts are split up with small interludes that expand the worldbuilding, follow important secondary characters, or foreshadow future moments. Everybook is centred on a key character - in The Way of Kings it’s Kaladin - who we follow in the present day as a major viewpoint character and explore their backstory through a flashback sequence. Each book also has a prologue which retells the assassination of the Alethi king, Gavilar Kholin, and an epilogue from Wit. 

Firstly, this book takes FAR too long to get going and even longer to get into as a reader. I’m not joking when I say there are FIVE introductory chapters: the prelude, a prologue, Cenn’s second prologue (technically the first chapter but it’s a prologue), Kaladin’s introduction, and Shallan’s introduction. It’s too much. We’re jumping around, nothing really makes sense, and we’re not sure how these characters are related. They could be taking place in different worlds for all you know on a first read.

When I first read this book I was a lot more patient with long introductions and multiple false starts - I had the time to dedicate to getting into the story. I could, and did, forgive the THREE false starts to this story before we get to Kaladin’s first chapter. However, the opening structure of this novel is a mistake. If someone gives up in this section I honestly don’t blame them - if I was reading this for the first time in 2021 I probably would too.

The prelude and prologue are both excellent. The prelude in particular is weird and confusing but also sets up a clear mystery and sense of the sheer scope of this story. Szeth’s prologue, the first time we see Gavilar’s assassination, is flawed but still wonderful. The fight scene needed a bit of cutting, for my tastes, and I think the introduction to the magic system is clumsy - there’s far too much obvious info dumping and it needed some serious editing, especially as the complicated use of the magic that Szeth uses is barely relevant in this book. However, I think the Herald’s giving up the Oathpact and a magical assassin is great! They’re a bit weird and you’re not sure what’s going on, but it’s engaging. 

Then there’s Cenn. Poor, innocent Cenn. I’m sorry but he’s completely unnecessary. Independently of the rest of the introduction to the Way of Kings Cenn’s chapter would be a pretty good prologue as he’s there to set up our main hero Kaladin from an outside perspective. We love Kaladin and Cenn’s chapter is fine for establishing him as a typical fantasy hero – he’s a warrior, cares about the people, and so forth.

However, Cenn’s chapter in the context bogs down the opening too much. It’s too long, not particularly relevant, and adds yet ANOTHER prologue to this already enormous book. Cenn’s chapter offers nothing to the reader that we don’t learn later on in the text when the content of Cenn’s chapter makes more sense. We even see the exact same sequence of events from Kaladin’s perspective in a flashback! Not having Cenn’s chapter would add more interest to Kaladin’s character and add more weight to the flashback sequence because we wouldn’t have met Kaladin at his peak (sort of…?) 

Kaladin’s flashbacks aren’t that engaging as it is, he’s a fairly standard fantasy hero from a small village who ends up leaving his happy family to go to war. So leaving a small mystery around him in addition to ‘how did he become a slave’ would help with my engagement. It would leave me wondering how reliable is Kaladin as a narrator, is he really as good with the spear as he claims? I wouldn’t know but Cenn’s chapter removes all the mystery apart from ‘how does Kaladin become a slave’. It needs to go to make Kaladin more interesting and cut down on some of the unnecessary page count.

While we’re at it… Just cut out ALL the interludes in this book, except for the Szeth through line. I KNOW they are here for the Cosmere connections and to foreshadow things much later in the series. However, new readers and Stormlight only readers don’t know this and, quite frankly, they SUCK. In later books the interludes make sense but here they add so much tedious, pointless crap to an already bloated book. They’re too much and add next to nothing – other than seeing Szeth lose it as he kills people, that was fun (in a disturbing, creepy way… Can you tell I like Szeth?) Either this stuff needs to be relevant to the book we’re in now, or painfully obvious that we’re coming back to this stuff in later books. I still don’t know why we got Ishikk’s interlude with the Worldhoppers, and I completely forgot Nan Balat had an interlude. I’ve read this book 5 times… THAT IS HOW POINTLESS THEY ARE! Sanderson should weave the necessary foreshadowing into the main text, intersperse the perspectives we do need for THIS story into the main sections, or cut them out. When I get to the interludes I physically sigh and sometimes put the book down - now I just skip everything but Szeth - but on a first read they’re really off putting. 

To finish up with my complaints about the structure, and this is a big one for me - why do we have huge chunks of this book without major viewpoint characters? I’m biased here but Dalinar is probably the most important POV character in the story because he introduces the real stakes of the story. He has the groundbreaking visions of the past, he is the viewpoint we get into the politics of the war, he is the character who does and continues to have the most impact on the development of the story on his own.Yet, we don’t meet him until we’re 190 pages in… 

Sanderson alternates Shallan and Dalinar’s chapters between the five different parts and that means they vanish for 400 pages at a time. Why? I ended up caring about them right as we’re about to lose their viewpoint again for the next part. We needed to see the three major POV characters interwoven together throughout the five parts, not randomly dropped and picked back up again. The structure of this book was a mistake. 

Okay, I promise I do actually like this book…

Worldbuilding

Something I do love is the worldbuilding of Roshar, and I usually don’t care that much about worldbuilding. I can really appreciate good worldbuilding, especially on the history side of things, but for most novels it’s just fine? If I roughly know what’s going on with the world then we’re good, I can just get on with the story and not worry about it. However, Roshar is genuinely beautifully built! It takes A LOT to get me to visualise a world as I’m not a visual reader. I can feel the atmosphere, get to know characters, but can I imagine a face or setting? No.

There are three fantasy worlds that have allowed me to actually see the world and it’s landscape: Middle Earth, Discworld, and Roshar. The bleak, storm weathered landscape of the Shattered Plains is so embedded in my mind it’s ridiculous, the only place I can picture more is the Shire – and Lord of the Rings has a film to help it!

Now, to be fair it’s hard for me to separate the worldbuilding in The Way of Kings from the rest of the series, so I now have 4,000 pages worth of worldbuilding in my head… However, it’s certainly strong and I distinctly remember having a vivid image of understanding this world, the atmosphere, landscape, and so forth, on my first read. Although it did take me until Oathbringer to realise that everything, except humanity, was basically a crab… (I think that was just me being dense.)

I do think Roshar needs much more of its history to be expanded on. We don’t have much between the Last Desolation (don’t ask me to spell it's in-world title!) and it shows at times. I don’t expect something on the level of The Silmarillion for Roshar, however, I do think we need to see something more substantial in the period between the Desolations and the present day. We know about the Recreance, the attempted takeover of the Vorin Church, and the Sunmaker? That’s 4000 years! To put it into context it’s the distance between us and Jesus’s birth TWICE, it’s like we know about the end of the 11th Dynasty of Egypt, the Reformation, and the British Empire in our own history... We need to find a balance, especially as we get so much development of science in the later books. More history please - but this is a personal issue and a series wide problem, not just The Way of Kings.

Magic System

Now, this is controversial for Sanderson, but I’m going to skip this for now. This review is already well over 1,000 words long and I’ve not even started on the meat of the novel yet. The magic system isn’t really fleshed out in The Way of Kings, we only really know stuff about the Windrunners (in an abstract kind of way) and the very basics of the Knights Radiant in general. So I’m going to discuss the magic when I get around to reviewing Words of Radiance, Oathbringer, and Rhythm of War, basically whenever I have the energy and more space.

Safe to say I actually really like the magic system in the Stormlight Archive. I usually dislike hard magic systems (I think I’m the only person who dislikes Mistborn’s Allomancy - while very well developed, it’s a bit silly and is far too much for my tastes...) as they often take some of the wonder, mystery, and excitement of fantasy out of the story for me. However, I think surgebinding is a fun system and there is a lot more of it for use to discover, preserving some of that mystery. Oh and, if you were wondering, I would be a Skybreaker!

Prose

Okay if you read the structure section and were wondering - why is this woman still reading these books, you’re in for another head scratcher. 

If you’ve ever talked to me about literature you’ll know that there are two things I look for in a really good book: characters and prose. Now characters are something Sanderson does phenomenally well in the Stormlight Archive, but that’s not something you can tell 100 pages into a 1,000 page tome. You have to sit with the characters for a long time and give the author some page time to familiarise you with the people you’re following. If you trust him, Sanderson pulls off some stunning character arcs, especially in the long term and I’ll talk more about characters later on (or you can just skip this section? Up to you really!).

However, prose is something you notice immediately, and Sanderson’s is…utilitarian at best. At worst it’s abysmal. These days I’m very picky about prose, a utilitarian style is fine but a book is unlikely to become a new favourite of mine without good writing. This doesn’t mean I want or expect the writing to be flowery or elaborate, but it does mean I want, and appreciate it when, the prose suits the tone of the narrative and world. I must acknowledge that I’m in a (vocal) minority here, a lot of people either don’t notice Sanderson’s style or like it - I certainly didn’t mind it when I first read ther series - so this is definitely a subjective opinion but one I’m certainly not alone in. 

Nevertheless, for me Sanderson’s prose is overly simplistic, repetitive, and very American. Okay so the American is probably only noticeable if you’re not American. However, I’m used to fantasy having a certain Britishness to the writing style, even when the author isn’t British, but to me (as a Brit and fantasy reader) the Americanisms are painful at times… There is no way in hell I’m ever going to acknowledge that aluminium is aluminum no matter how many times Sanderson uses it! 

Yet it goes beyond a spelling issue because, let's be honest, in this day and age American English is widely spoken and regularly used in fantasy literature - you can’t escape from it as much as I want to. It’s in the style of writing and construction of sentences. The entire narrative reads like an American has decided to tell me a story using their colloquial, everyday speech. It’s a deliberate choice on Sanderson’s part to make things accessible and digestible, and for some people this works. I do think he has a fantastic style to get readers in, especially readers who are getting to grips with high epic fantasy as it’s one less barrier to entry in an already difficult novel. But it does mean rereading isn’t always the best experience and sometimes the writing can jar me out of the story. 

In places it’s too simple and colloquial, so much so the writing becomes clunky, clumsy, and unrealistic to the world he’s creating, especially in descriptive passages and dialogue. It reads like Sanderson could have used more lyrical or formal writing but deliberately chose not to - at the detriment of the prose. This is particularly noticeable with characters like Jasnah Kholin. Jasnah is a princess, brilliant scholar, and political mastermind, she’s known for her poise, elegance, and intelligence. Yet she often speaks like an everyday 21st century American and other characters who haven’t had the same education or training as she has? I can’t believe this for a moment, her dialogue is so egregious in places that it’s like I’ve been hit over the head with my own book! I physically cringe when she says things like ‘“scoot over here”’ (chapter 70, p.1083). WHY is Jasnah talking like this?! It doesn’t make sense to me – Shallan maybe, but Jasnah? No. It doesn’t fit with what we’ve been told about her character.

(Just as an aside, I loathe the word ‘scoot’ – it should be burnt from the English language as an abomination!)

Part of the issue with this is Sanderson usually doesn’t distinguish between the character's voices, both in the dialogue and prose. Most of the time if you dropped me into a random section of the Stormlight Archive with no context I honestly couldn’t tell you who’s speaking or narrating without the signposts Sanderson gives us. This isn’t a huge issue as he’s writing in third person limited, and with context and the chapter icons we know who we’re following. However, it does mean we don’t have any idea of character voice – in the general prose, internal narration/thought, or speech. What’s the difference between Kaladin’s dialogue and Jasnah’s? I have no idea from the sentence construction or speech patterns. Certain descriptions of how characters speak help to differentiate (Jasnah is commanding, Shallan squeaks, Kaladin grunts, etc.) but from their speech patterns I wouldn’t have a clue.

All of this comes back to Sanderson’s overly simple and Americanised style. It’s his choice and it does work for many people, but personally it doesn’t always work with the characters or story. I’m not expecting him to write like Robin Hobb or Guy Gavriel Kay, but some finesse and awareness of character would be appreciated, especially if it helped to differentiate character voices.

I’m also going to throw this out as a very personal issue because I’m not sure where else to put it… Sanderson has the worst sense of humour I’ve ever had the misfortune to read. The comedic moments are occasionally amusing… However, Shallan’s puns are worse than my Dad’s jokes. Every time she says something apparently ‘witty’ and someone else remarks how clever and funny she is I want to hit them... At best she’s mildly amusing, at worst she’s cruel. It’s never funny. (This only gets worse with Lift, I almost DNFed the entire series because of the Lift interlude in Words of Radiance. And don’t get me started on Lopen.)

Characters

At last! Something I genuinely love and the reason I read these books! Sanderson has created some of the best characters in modern fantasy in this series and they are the only reason I’m still going. I like the worldbuilding and plot, but I adore the character work in this book and the series as a whole. The characters are generally so good that, even when I dislike them, it's because I dislike them personally, not that they’re badly written characters! Usually I love Sanderson’s characters though, even when they’re incredibly flawed (looking at you Dalinar!) because he’s particularly good at complex character arcs. 

Szeth – I love Szeth, slightly irrationally for how much he’s in both this book and the series as a whole, but he’s one of my favourite “secondary” characters in the series! Szeth is actually the character who made me fall in love with the series in the first place, which feels weird to say because he only has five or six chapters in the entire novel. However, a magical assassin with a strong, if morally dubious, sense of duty and obligations? Sign me up! The opening prologue from Szeth’s perspective is wonderful - it’s far too info-dumpy but it’s highly engaging and one hell of a way to open the series. 

What really intrigued me about Szeth was his role as the interlude throughline character for The Way of Kings. His internal conflict between his obligation to follow the Truthless’ laws and his personal morality is fascinating. Szeth’s character development has been one of the highlights of the entire series for me, especially as we explore his personal morality, questioning of power, and commitment to law and justice. This conflict is one of the reasons I love the Skybreakers in general and I sincerely hope we get to see more of this (and their conflict with the theoretically similar, although realistically very different, Windrunners) in book 5. However, Szeth is a promise that Sanderson hasn’t kept yet. So much has been built up around his character and we haven’t explored him properly (as of Rhythm of War) and I’m mad about it! He’s an incredibly interesting character, morally and thematically, and I hope Sanderson can live up to the hype he’s built up around him in the first four books of the series. 

Kaladin – Okay the real reason we’re all here, the shining beacon of the Stormlight Archive, everyone’s favourite heroic bridgeman: Kaladin Stormblessed. Confession time – I didn’t love Kaladin the first time I read The Way of Kings. Don’t get me wrong I liked him but I’m generally not a massive fan of underdog superhero narratives. (I’m still not a fan of Bridge Four in general for the same reason, I would apologise but I’m not sorry…)

Kaladin spends most of this novel running bridges for Highprince Sadeas on the Shattered Plains. Unjustly enslaved by a corrupt member of the aristocracy, Kaladin is fighting to keep himself and his bridgecrew alive during one of the most pointless “wars” I've read in a fantasy novel - the pointlessness isn’t actually a criticism. He’s facing systematic oppression and disregard for human life, as well as battling his own depression and forming a bond with a spren named Syl (I absolutely adore Syl! But I want to talk about her in my review for Words of Radiance.)

So… I’ve always been frustrated with Kaladin’s fundamental drive to save people and take responsibility for people’s deaths, even when there was nothing he could have done to save them. This book is probably the worst for it out of the four currently published and I just found it a bit much because I personally struggle to relate to his attitude. This level of personal responsibility is a completely alien concept to me, at least to this level, and it’s Kaladin’s entire thing - his driving personality trait - and I just didn’t get it. Kaladin and I are very different people and for a long time I really struggled to relate to him on the same level everyone else seems to in this book. It also didn’t help that the main plot around Kaladin running bridges, struggling with his depression, and trying to keep his men alive is very repetitive… So when you’re in the midst of it and struggling to connect quite so deeply with Kaladin this book can become a slog - yet, the pay off for his struggles is so satisfying and it is very much worth it for making the end feel earned. 

However, my issues with connecting to Kaladin is definitely on me and this is by no means to say Kaladin is a badly written character, I’ve always admired how well Kaladin is drawn in this book. Within a few chapters I understood who Kaladin is, and really loved the conflict he had with his depression and role as a fantasy hero. It's beautifully painful to watch and, even when you’re a bit ambivalent about Kaladin, you really care about whether he and Bridge Four are going to survive the bridgecrews – and the climax sequence with Kaladin becoming Stormblessed again at the Tower is still one of my favourite moments in the entire series!

However, on this reread of the series I had a completely different experience to what I’ve had on previous reads, and a lot of this is down to Rhythm of War. I don’t want to say too much here because it’ll involve spoilers for Rhythm of Warm but having seen Kaladin confront his, as Ron Weasley would say, “saving people thing” and really struggle to keep functioning as Stormblessed, I was so much more on board with this book. Rhythm of War’s much more personal approach to Kaladin really helped me understand him as a person, not just the underdog hero. The struggle with his sense of self, the way his depression impacts his ability to act, and the way he’s moving forward in Rhythm of War let me appreciate the character work for Kaladin in The Way of Kings. The struggle, graft, and determination, especially given his mindset, is much more admirable when I can strip away the focus on doggedly protecting everyone no matter the personal cost. 

Kaladin and I are very different people, but that’s okay and I’ve come to appreciate him a lot more in the last 7 months. Now I can happily adore him alongside everyone else, and not just nod along with the rest of the fandom because I understand he’s objectively a well written character. Also Kaladin’s mental health rep is some of the best I’ve seen in an epic fantasy series. However, I would approach this book, and series, carefully if you’re sensitive to depression.

Shallan – confession time round two: I hate Shallan. I really loathe her on a deeply personal level. And I’m still bitter about it because I used to love her, when I first read this book she was my favourite character! This was partly due to relating to her and partly due to my frustration with Kaladin. However, as I read Words of Radiance I grew uncomfortable with her and by Oathbringer it became a full on HATED of her…and it’s never gone away.

I first met Shallan when I was a shy 18-year-old, budding historian and scholar. I got Shallan, I loved her plotline, and found Khabranth a lot more interesting than the endless bridgeruns with Kaladin (sorry Kaladin!) I connected with her because she represented (projected) a lot of what I was at the time - and still am today, just an older version of that person. She was the main character that really drew me into the story - yes I loved Szeth and thought he was brilliant, but Szeth is largely absent from this novel and Shallan is the main female lead. 

And then I got hit in the face by the infamous Words of Radiance “Boots” chapter, and I immediately got iffy vibes, then there was the Chasm sequence, and so many other moments that made me uncomfortable. I’ll avoid spoilers and, for now, just say I got hit in the face by Shallan’s innate privilege, her causal abuse of social rank, and complete lack of social and self awareness. To top it off the narrative gives her no consequences for this and even rewards her for her behaviour, rather than making Shallan work through the issues around classism (something I, as a Brit, am hyper aware of and it SHOULD NOT under ANY circumstances be ignored, especially with Kaladin’s narrative running parallel to Shallan.) However, this is later book issues and a major dropped theme that I’m fuming about, but I still found I liked Shallan in THIS book when I reread the series.

Not this time. 

There are moments in The Way of Kings where we can already see Shallan’s privilege and complete disregard of anyone who is remotely lower than her in the Vorin hierarchy. The scene with the book merchant stands out. No one in that scene is innocent, and I’m much less annoyed by it than I am at the “Boots” scene, however, it shows an early form of Shallan’s complete inability to reflect on her own behaviour towards those with less power than herself. She’s casually abusive and manipulative, but no one really calls her out on it. The few moments when someone does confront Shallan about it, and the narrative consistently forgives her because Sanderson allows her to come across as the victor in each of the arguments. This isn’t to say Shallan’s causal abuse of the Vorin social system shouldn’t be present in the book. It’s actually very realistic, in our world white people (especially white women) have behaved like Shallan for centuries. However, what does matter is the narrative framing. However, I’ll dig into this when I get to reviewing Words of Radiance because a lot of my planned review for that book is centred around this issue.

I’m also resentful that Shallan’s character in The Way of Kings is a complete lie – we don’t know her at all, but not in the same way as Dalinar? We KNOW something is off with Dalinar, we KNOW he was a terrible person and a warmonger from the way people talk about the Blackthorn – but Shallan’s reveal largely comes out of nowhere in some respects and I HATE that the person I loved so much 5 years ago was a complete lie. I’m a bitter person and I will continue to hold a grudge until Shallan dies or the series ends, whichever comes first.

Jasnah – my problematic QUEEN. Is Jasnah a shitty person? Yes. Do I love her anyway? Yes. Difference is I knew Jasnah was shitty from the start… I like problematic characters, I just hate being lied to (*cue insincere smile at Shallan*)

Jasnah is a difficult character to talk about in this book because we don’t know much about her other than her public persona, however, she’s a large part of why I love it so much. I just like brilliant women who would kill me, okay? It also helps that she's an historian, I have a soft spot for murderous historians. I’ll talk more about Jasnah when I review Oathbriner, hopefully that won’t be in another 5 years…! I just wanted to highlight that I do love a female character in this book!

Actually on the topic, Sanderson is still a shitty author for female friendships – he has included more female characters in Stormlight but why are there no female friendships that aren’t rooted in backstabbing and lies?!

Dalinar – if Jasnah is my problematic Queen then Dalinar has to be the problematic King. Dalinar is my favourite Stormlight Archive character. I could wax lyrical about what a BRILLIANT character he is. You may not like Dalinar, you may not forgive him, but you have to admit he is the best written character in ANYTHING Sanderson has written, and one of the best in modern fantasy. Nevertheless, much like Jasnah I’m going to wait until I review Oathbringer before I talk about Dalinar because I can’t do him justice without his flashbacks. However, I will tell you a story about the time I first met Dalinar Kholin.

So, I first read The Way of Kings on my commute back and forth to Worcester Cathedral because I had a work placement in the Cathedral’s archives. I’d been doing this commute for months and reached the point where I knew when to get off the train by feeling, no need to check the stations (this is relevant).

 I was on my commute home, and as I was walking to the train station I started part two. I met Adolin and he was fine. I was a bit confused because this was a whole new perspective and set of characters, but I was doing okay. (Yes I was walking and reading, no I do not recommend this arrangement for health reasons.)

And then I met Dalinar. As I got on the train we got into his own head, with the mystery of the visions just starting, the hints towards his complicated relationship with Elhokar, and the amazing fight with the Chasmfiend. Bearing in mind I was automatically doing my commute through this – I’d become so invested in Dalinar, I missed my transfer on the train. I’ve never done anything like this before in my life. I’m paranoid about it! But I was so engrossed in this aged general, who was potentially going mad, that I missed the stop on my train and didn’t even notice until we hit Birmingham New Street.

I was so in love with Dalinar Kholin that I travelled to the wrong city… And my love for him has only gotten stronger*.

Conclusion

Overall I have a complicated relationship with The Way of Kings, and The Stormlight Archive in general. I love this series, I particularly adore the characters and character work Sanderson is doing as the books continue. However, it is severely overhyped. There are a lot of flaws in this book, especially with the writing and structural aspect of this novel. It’s poorly paced, clumsily written, and lacking finesse. For me Sanderson is an okay writer but a wonderful storyteller. As a storyteller he’s made a huge contribution to the fantasy genre and I’m here for the major improvement he’s made in popularising more complex character work and the inclusion of mental health representation. We’re just seeing the start of this shift in the fantasy genre and I’m excited to see where Stormlight and fantasy are going to go with this movement. 

However, as a writer he has a long way to go in improving his craft of writing. These are big books, and I will often forgive mistakes with narrative structure in books of this size because they are so huge. However, this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t acknowledge them when reviewing the novel. Mistakes were made, especially in The Way of Kings, and are still being made but Sanderson has been slowly improving with the later books.

There’s a lot to love in The Stormlight Archive - the worldbuilding is insane, the characters are incredible, and the plots are gripping. I love them, and I will continue to eagerly await the next installments! But they’re far from perfect, and that’s okay. Sanderson has captured the imaginations of thousands of fantasy readers and I would highly recommend you give these books a go, despite my critical review. This is a fabulous time to be a fantasy reader and The Stormlight Archive is one of the most exciting reasons to be reading the genre!

*Dalinar and I are going to be on thin ice if Sanderson continues with his character as he did in Rhythm of War, but again I’ll address that when I review Rhythm of War.

[grace-lightwoodd]

Let’s talk about Matthew (again)

(Tw: mental illness, addiction)

This is highly disorganized so I apologize lol

I love Matthew. He’s a great character, but I’m not sure how much I like his arc. It’s completely rushed and generally unrealistic.

He was such a great opportunity for Cassie to start a really important conversation among our fandom. But I really don’t like the way she put off this huge thing for Matthew, not giving it enough time to resolve.

Furthermore, I don’t think that Matthew will get better. Not completely. I think it’s going to be a magic last chapter sudden euphoria, he’s magically cured of his addiction and past his trauma.

But I don’t want to see that. I want to see him struggle, even though he’s trying his hardest to get past it. I want him to turn to his family, and for them to support him but not quite know how to help him best. Because that’s realistic. Mental illness is something that never really goes away. It gets better, sure, but you will deal with the aftermath for the rest of your life.

I generally despise the Matthew/Cordelia/James love triangle. (Though I do stan Jordelia with my entire being) The idea is frankly overused and unnecessary. Moreover, someone (most likely Matthew) is going to get screwed over.

Even if Matthew is “better” at that point, he’ll likely fall back into it. It’ll become worse.

Also, it gives off the impression that someone needs to have their other half, because without it, they’re not whole. It gives the idea that romance is a cure to mental illness.

I’ve read a lot of books in my day, and that was the main message I got from most of them. So, when it got bad, I looked toward other people, basing my entire worth on them. And it got better. But without that support, it got worse than I ever imagined it would.

So yeah, romance isn’t a cure to mental illness, and it shouldn’t be projected as such. But that doesn’t mean that mentally ill people don’t deserve love. They just need to work on becoming someone who won’t break down once heartbreak hits.

I’m open to Matthew having a romance as long as he doesn’t depend on his potential partner for his entire mental well-being and worth. Support is great, but not so much when you rely completely on someone who wont stick around for long.

Disclaimer: this is my personal opinion based on my own experience with mental illness. Please feel free to leave your own opinions in the comments, but don’t attack me.

[deadlyglacier]

20 Questions tag~

I was tagged by @mythicamagic thank you senpai~<3

How many works do you have on AO3?

40 right now, plus 1 that is still hidden because of the SOFA Exchange event.  (I’m still a lil fish.)

What’s your total AO3 word count?

486,920!  That’s so amazing to me!

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

InuYasha - A Feudal Fairytale (18)

FullMetal Alchemist (18)

Mass Effect Trilogy (3)

Let’s Play (Webtoon) (1)

Kingdom Hearts (1) But I hope to write for many more fandoms in the future!  I have ideas for fics for Castlevania, Skyrim, Fallout 4, Last of Us Part II, and more!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

#1.  Stardust FemShep/Garrus, Mass Effect Trilogy, Rated Explicit. A retelling of the Shepard/Vakarian love story, with lots (and LOTS) of sexiness, from Garrus' point of view. Starts from before the Omega-4 and will end sometime after the end of ME3. Trying to stay as true to the game as possible, while adding some things happening off camera and a new ending.

#2.  Flamingo Sess/Kag, Inuyasha, Rated Explicit Kagome's method of beating the summer heat attracts a certain demon lord...

#3.  Hawk Sess/Kag, Inuyasha, Rated Explicit Kagome and Sesshomaru discover they have a mutual attraction for each other after a battle and a slight comedic incident brings them together. At first their relationship seems entirely sexual, but eventually evolves into something real. What will this romance mean for Naraku? Or even the future?  *TRIGGER WARNING FOR CHAPTER 6! MAJOR VIOLENCE AND TRAGEDY* Very, very loosely based on "A Mere Digression" by elle6778

#4.  Daisy Sam/Charles, Let’s Play, Rated Mature Sam wakes up somewhere unfamiliar with a splitting headache with no memory of the night before. Takes place right after the S2 finale.  First chapter was my prediction for what would happen next, and then three other “wishful thinking” chapters happened, lol.

#5.  Chemistry Ed/Winry, FullMetal Alchemist, Rated Mature A look at how the relationship between Ed and Winry developed after Brotherhood ended.  Cute, sweet, funny, and hot (eventually—y'all that know me know I gotta have some NSFW in there).

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to respond to everyone, especially when a fic of mine has just been posted, but sometimes I just forget.  If I haven’t responded to your comment, please know it’s just because I’m a big dumb and forgot!  I love getting comments, and I reread them all the time!  I just feel like there’s a time limit to when I can respond to them--if I let too much go by, it’s awkward if I reply.  Gah, but that’s just me getting in my own head, I guess.  I’ll do better!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oof, definitely Psychology, a fic I wrote for RoyEdOTPoly this year.  The prompt I got was dark, and I didn’t see any way around an angsty ending.  Read at your own risk!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Well, aside from the last fic, I try to write happy endings for all my fics!  But, if I have to name names, I’m torn between Zoology (another FullMetal Alchemist fic, RoyEd, for RoyEdOTPoly this year) and Stardust (my Mass Effect fic, which is long, but so worth it, in my opinion).  Both are very fluffy in the end!

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Argh...  I don’t really like crossovers, to be honest.  I actively avoid them when looking for fics to read.  But that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought of writing them myself.  (I’m a total hypocrite, I know.)  I had an idea for an Inuyasha x The Sims fic, years ago, that I never did anything with.  The premise was basically Inuyasha and Kagome would get trapped in the game somehow (via the jewel or magic or something), and they’d be controlled by Souta, Kagome’s friends, Hojo--all sorts of different people who think the fact that Kagome and Inuyasha are in the game is just some kind of silly mod.  I probably won’t write it, so if anyone is interested in that crazy idea, have at it!  You have my blessing. <3 I also have a crazy crossover idea for what I call an “Ultimate OT3″ of mine that I’ve mentioned to my friends, but I haven’t actually written down yet:  Sesshomaru/Alucard/Sebastian Michaelis.  So be on the lookout for that!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I wouldn’t call it “hate” so much as “mansplaining,” but I have gotten a couple of comments that made my eyebrow twitch on Stardust--both on AO3 and FFN.  Just dudes (and I’m fairly certain they were dudes, just from their tone) trying to explain why a certain plot twist wouldn’t work, or tell me how to save Sidonis in the actual game (which I already knew, that person just didn’t read what I wrote). I’ve also gotten a comment on one of my more controversial fics, Hippology, on FFN, where the person asked me if I thought my summary was K-Rated (which, admittedly, it does need to be for the site, and mine wasn’t--because of a single word).  I changed it and messaged them saying it was fixed.  Going to that commenter’s profile, however, proved to be fairly enlightening...  They’re nuts.  They have another profile, too.  Read at your own risk.  Yikes. There’s also a team of people on FFN who make it their life’s mission to report stories with rule violations.  I’ve gotten a comment from one of them as well.  These people are not mods, they just like to pretend they are--one of them even made their name look official!  “CU Administration,” gtfo dude. I also recently got one of my fics removed from FFN.  It wasn’t even one of my sexiest ones!  They put me in timeout for 48 hours, and when I was finally able to publish something new on the site again, I posted Hippology (my centaur smut), and it’s still up as I type this.  (Wonder how long it’ll take them to notice?)  And since the fic that got taken down was a SessKag fic, I’m thinking it might have been a petty SessRinner who reported it to the “authorities” of FFN, because another friend of mine got hers taken down not long after mine, and it was also SessKag.  Just my tinfoil theory, anyway!

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes, yes, yes.  It’s practically all I write.  I do all sorts of smut, from romantic, sensual stuff, to specific kinks, to monsterfucking--all that good stuff.  Can’t change me~<3

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

God, I hope not!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don’t think so.  No one has asked me if they can translate one, anyway.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet!  I’m open to the idea, and I’ve had little discussions with my fic-writing buddies about it, but nothing’s come out of it just yet.  Keep your eyes peeled!

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Oh, now come on!  I can’t pick just one!  But I’ll give you a top 3 (in no particular order, because they change places a lot, depending on how obsessed I am with them at the moment). Inuyasha:  Sess/Kag FullMetal Alchemist:  Roy/Ed Mass Effect:  Garrus/FemShep

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I have a couple of stories that I deleted from my original FFN account that I’d like to re-write and re-post on AO3, but I don’t think I’ll ever get around to it.  There were a couple of Inu/Kag fics I had in-progress, and then a Koug/Kag fic.  I recently rewrote and reposted my SessKag fic from years ago, Hawk, on FFN, AO3, and Dokuga!  So maybe all hope isn’t lost.  I’m even writing a sequel for Hawk! All the stories I have in-progress right now I plan on finishing.  At some point, lol.

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, without a doubt.  It’s my favorite thing to write, aside from smut, of course--which is another strength of mine.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions, ugh.  I try to do them well, but I always feel like they get stale.  So I keep them somewhat vague, because in my mind, I think readers will fill in the gaps themselves whether you describe something immaculately or not--they’ll see what they want to see, and that is totally fine in my book!  Or maybe I’m just making excuses, lol.  I’ll only describe something in a lot of detail if I want the reader to focus on that--usually an outfit, accessory, or weapon--otherwise, I leave it up to their imagination (I don’t want manipulate it too much, I suppose).

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Wildly unnecessary unless that author speaks the language as well, or if certain words already exist in the fandom’s translations (ex. “youkai,” “alkahestry,” etc).

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Inuyasha, and the fic(s) I wrote in the beginning were terrible.  I want to burn all traces of them off the face of the earth.  I was in middle school.  I was young and stupid.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I gotta go with Stardust.  It’s the longest fic I’ve ever completed at more than 160k words.  I was so immensely proud when I typed “The End,” and I was able to say to myself “I did it.”

I tag: @glassesmcfancyhair @willowsrain 

[hotpinkhoshi]

the pact (4)

pairing: jinyoung x reader

genre: romance, smut, a lil angst

warnings: explicit sex, cursing, unprotected sex, dirty talk, spanking, orgasm denial

word count: 6.3k

summary: you desperately need to get over your decade-long crush on lim jaebeom, and your close friend jinyoung needs to get over his ex—so the two of you make an arrangement: just sex, no feelings. what could go wrong?

a/n: first of all i hope everyone had a great holiday and a happy new year 😘 i was verrrry busy which is why this update is a bit delayed. thank you guys for being patient with me while i get my shit together! i hope you enjoy this part because i loved writing it. also please check out the playlist i made for parts 1-4 right here :) 

↳ index here

Jinyoung: Y/N Jinyoung: I need you to come over immediately Jinyoung: It’s an emergency

You: what?? what’s wrong??? You: …. You: this isn’t like a sex emergency right

Jinyoung: No. Please just come over.

“What’s wrong? What’s the emergency?” you asked urgently as you slipped inside of Jinyoung’s apartment. 

Jinyoung welcomed you in, and the first thing you noticed was his casual attire—gray joggers, a hunter green hoodie, and a pair of wire rimmed glasses you hadn’t seen him wear since high school. It also looked like he’d just recently gotten out of the shower, judging by the damp locks of hair clinging to his temples.

Funny enough, your own outfit mirrored his. A gray sweatshirt and black joggers. After all, you had been halfway ready for bed by the time he texted you, even though it wasn’t really that late. It was Sunday night, you’d spent all weekend working and you weren’t ashamed to call it a night before ten o’clock. 

“I have… two hours,” Jinyoung started, glancing at his watch and then back at you, “to pack for a week and a half in New York.”

You blinked at him. “You what?”

Jinyoung let out an exasperated sigh and grabbed your hand, tugging you back towards his bedroom. You nearly passed out from shock at the state of disarray that greeted you; suitcase wide open on the floor, piles of clothes everywhere, shampoo bottles laying around haphazardly. Never, in all the years you’d known him, had you seen his room anything but spotless—not even in that shitty third floor walk up he and Jackson lived in before they both got grown up jobs. 

“Why does it look the toiletries aisle threw up all over your room, Jinyoung?” 

Jinyoung, frazzled as you’d ever seen him, ruffled the back of his own hair harshly. “My boss called me an hour ago asking if I’d go to this convention because the girl that was meant to do it got mono. So now I’m flying to New York in four hours.” 

Your eyes lit up as you smacked his chest excitedly. “That’s great!”

He’d mentioned the convention a few times in the last few weeks. He was excited about it, you knew that much, but that was when his responsibility was to organize the event from afar. In your opinion, it sounded like your personal heaven. Thousands of avid book readers came from all over the world, just to share their excitement over books. You couldn’t imagine anything better.

He groaned, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. “It’s terrible. You know I hate unexpected surprises, Y/N. What if I screw it up?”

You rolled your eyes. “That’s not going to happen. They probably asked you to do it because they know you’re capable. You’re basically the head of your department, right?”

Jinyoung shrugged modestly. “I mean, yeah. I’ve been in charge of planning the entire thing for the last two months.”

“Exactly. So it’ll be fine—you worry far too much. Now, how can I help with… all of this?” You looked around at the chaos dispersed throughout his bedroom, not sure where to start. 

Jinyoung took in a deep, calming breath, then pointed to the pile of clean clothes on the floor next to the suitcase. “If you can put those clothes in the packing cubes and get them into the suitcase—why are you laughing?”

You covered your mouth in an attempt to stifle your laugh as you sat in front of his pile of clothing. “Nothing. I just… of course you use packing cubes.”

Jinyoung pursed his lips—giving you his trademark unamused look. “Don’t make fun of me, I’m in a crisis.” 

“You’re so dramatic. I swear.” You rolled your eyes at him, lips forming a smirk. “Stop scowling at me and get to packing, mister.” 

Jinyoung mumbled something under his breath, which sounded a lot like not the boss of me, and they’re practical but you couldn’t be too sure. Still, he settled on his bed, picking out items from the massive pile of mini sized hair and skin products and stuffing them into a travel bag. 

Comfortable silence filled the room as you two focused on your separate tasks, but you could practically hear Jinyoung’s racing thoughts from across the room. It was almost annoying how well you could read his emotions, which you chalked up to your many years of friendship. 

But you knew he’d feel better once the daunting task of packing was done with, so you sorted his clothing as he asked. Once the cubes were full of his clothes, folded and organized into his suitcase, you stood from the floor and crawled onto the bed. 

You perched on your knees behind him, leaning your chin onto his shoulder. He smelled nice, you noticed. Like fresh linen. “Are you done yet?”

He grunted, shaking his head as he tossed a bottle of face moisturizer into his bag with more force than necessary.

You hummed, wrapping your arms around his waist. “Can I interest you in a short distraction? Since you’ll be gone for… how long again?” 

Jinyoung didn’t respond, just continued stuffing items into travel sized bags as if he didn’t hear you. You pouted, squeezing him tighter. His entire body was tense, from his shoulders down to his abs. 

“Hey,” you said softly, reaching for his hands to pull them into his lap. “You’re really worried about this, aren’t you?” 

He just lifted his shoulders in a shrug. “Just don’t want to screw it up,” he mumbled. 

You sighed and shifted next to him, crawling into his lap to straddle his waist. Reaching for his chin, you lifted his eyes to yours. You would’ve had to be blind not to see how nervous he was about this.

“Hey,” you said again. “That’s not going to happen. Trust me. Remember that time, in college, we both wrote down the wrong date for our European Lit exam and we were completely blindsided when we walked into class? You passed with a 96. You’re great under pressure, Jinyoung. You’re smart, you work hard, and you’re quick on your feet.” 

Jinyoung’s features, ever so slightly, softened as he listened to you. He knew you were right. You had seen him come out on top of so many stressful situations, and you knew this time was no different. 

“What’d you get on that exam? I don’t think you ever told me.” 

You cringed at the memory. The big, fat red marker the teacher had used to scribble your nearly failing grade across your test flashed in your mind. “65. Dad lectured me for about three hours about that one.” 

“Ouch,” Jinyoung began, his arms wrapping around your waist to pull you closer. It seemed he was already feeling better. “Maybe I should have tutored you. I could have gotten you some extra credit…” 

Though it was his attempt at trying to sound sexy, it just came off cheesy and you couldn’t help but snort. “You’re lucky you’re really good in bed, because your pillow talk leaves something to be desired.” 

Jinyoung grinned, leaning in to nip at your neck. “Hmm,” he hummed against your skin, hands slipping up the back of your hoodie. “All I heard was really good in bed.”

“Mm,” you tilted your head, allowing him more space to kiss your neck. You didn’t even care about the marks he could leave. “Did I say that? I meant terrible in bed. Like, so bad.” You smiled at the laugh he pressed into your skin.

You shivered as he grazed his fingertips up and down your spine, goosebumps forming wherever he touched. No matter how many times he put his hands on you, it never stopped having such an effect on you. 

The last month, after Bambam’s party, you’d set out three rules for yourself: no cuddling, no sleeping over, and no unnecessary kissing. So far, you’d held your ground. If Jinyoung noticed anything weird, he didn’t show it. Just nodded and walked you to the door each time you chose not to sleep over. 

But the sex was still worth keeping your arrangement. Jinyoung had shown you a side of yourself you weren’t aware of until now, and you couldn’t deny he made you feel desirable in a way that was totally new. You had no hesitation telling him what you wanted or needed in order to feel good—unlike how you’d been in past relationships. 

“So how about that distraction?” you whispered, threading your fingers through Jinyoung’s hair and pushing it away from his face. 

He laughed again. “We don’t have time.” 

You stuck your lip out, pulling back enough to look at him. “Yes we do. I’m not going to see you for almost two weeks, can’t I just… have something to remember you by?” 

Jinyoung glanced at the clock on his wall, then back at you. The clock, then you again. “Alright, fine. You’re lucky you’re really good in bed.”

Your pout turned into a pleased grin. “I know.” 

To shut you up, he reached for your sweatshirt to pull off, throwing the material to the floor. He cursed under his breath when he saw you were completely bare under your hoodie. “God. I swear you live to drive me insane.” 

“Hmm, maybe, maybe not,” you said, as you slipped your hands back into his hair and gave the strands a firm tug. 

“Fuck,” he started, hands squeezing your hips. “Want to come to New York with me? Just curl up in my suitcase?” 

You laughed, hips rolling down against him almost instinctively, craving more contact. “Sounds uncomfortable.” 

“Mm,” he shook his head and leaned in, kissing across your chest. “Don’t know how I’ll live without these.” 

“By ‘these’ do you mean my boobs?” 

“Maybe, maybe not.”

“You’re dumb,” you replied with a laugh, hands traveling down his torso until you could tug his sweatshirt off of him. “I’ll send you a picture every day, just so you don’t miss them too much.” 

Jinyoung flipped you over onto your back, kicking his pile of toiletries out of the way and cringing at the sound of about a thousand lotion bottles falling to the floor. “You’re too good to me.” 

“I know,” you responded, quick to remove his shirt as well, revealing the toned torso you never got sick of seeing. “You’re so lucky to have me.” 

“Something like that,” he said as he looked down at you, eyes shining with desire. His hips were grinding into yours so perfectly, the bulge in his sweats pressing into your center just right. 

Your eyes fell shut as you groaned, only encouraging him to push into you with more force. He could bring you to the edge just like this, and you made a mental note to test that theory someday. Tonight, though, you wanted him inside of you. 

Jinyoung leaned down, closing his mouth around one of your nipples and rolling his tongue over the hardened peak, over and over. You arched into him, wanting more. In a matter of minutes, he’d already reduced you to a pliant mess underneath of him. 

His mouth traveled downwards and more bottles were knocked to the floor, though you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. You’d clean up the mess later. He sucked a hickey into your hip as he pulled off your joggers, making you shiver when the cold air hit your skin. 

“The snowmen underwear,” Jinyoung mused, a smirk on his lips. You’d forgotten you had grabbed those from your drawer today--the same pair you’d worn the first night you slept together. At this point, you’d given up trying to always be wearing sexy underwear when you’d see Jinyoung. He truly did not care what you had under your clothes, as he reminded you so many times. 

“Shut up,” you told him, squirming your hips as he stared up at you. 

“They’re cute,” he said, just as he did that first night. “I might rip them off you, though. Wanna fuck you so bad.” He leaned down, licking right up the line of your covered slit. 

You bit back a moan and gripped the sheets underneath of you, already feeling restless with need. 

“It’s a shame we’re tight on time,” he muttered, nose nudging against your clit. “I’d love to spend the whole night between your thighs. Just tasting you, making you crazy…”

You wouldn’t have minded that at all. Jinyoung was a perfectionist, and it was never more apparent than when he had his mouth on you, determined to make you feel good. It was an experience, every single time. 

When he finally pulled your underwear off, he glanced up at you with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Your panties dangled off his index finger. “Want to give me something to remember you by?” 

You stared down at him, skeptical. “Yes…?” 

Jinyoung sat up on his knees, balling up your underwear and tossing it into his opened suitcase. You gaped up at him, reaching to hit his arm. “Jinyoung! You can’t steal my underwear!” 

He laughed, leaning back down to hover over you. “I didn’t steal them. You said yes. Come on, please?” 

“You’re so weird,” you told him, relenting. As shocked as you were, you couldn’t deny that it was hot, him wanting to take your panties along across the world just to remember you by. Whatever that meant. 

“Shh, tight on time, remember?” he dipped down to kiss you, smiling against your lips and causing you to do the same. 

Your hands roamed his body, trying to memorize the lines and curves of his skin just so that you wouldn’t forget. It would be the longest you’d gone without seeing Jinyoung since you started sleeping together two months ago. At this point, you knew his body better than your own. You were going to miss it. 

“Hey,” you spoke against his lips, pulling away to push his hair away from his eyes. “This is the first time you’ve fucked me with glasses on.” 

“And?” he asked, thick brows pushed together. 

You shrugged. “And I think you look hot. You’re like my sexy, visually impaired teacher.” 

Jinyoung’s eyes narrowed slightly just before he rolled them. “Oh, I see, you think you’re special because you have perfect vision.” 

You grinned up at him. “At least I said you were sexy.” 

He grumbled, leaning down to nip at your bottom lip. “Careful, or you’ll get detention.” 

You stifled a laugh, which further annoyed him. “Sorry. Not funny.” 

Jinyoung hated to be teased, and you knew it, but you couldn’t help getting a kick out of it. You loved that grumpy, unamused frown he threw at you whenever you challenged him. 

“Turn over.” 

You raised your brows, smile dropping from your lips. Oh. He looked down at you, eyes darkening with that familiar lustful glare. Your breath hitched in your chest as you flipped over onto your stomach, laying sideways on the bed with your ankles dangling off one end. 

When you tried to prop yourself up on your elbows, he pressed down onto your shoulders with a light pressure to keep you down. “Face down.” 

A tingle spread down your body, right to your core. What had started as a playful joke was quickly turning into something more, something you’d only fantasized about late at night when you were alone. 

Jinyoung sat on his knees, straddling your thighs, his weight just barely resting on you. Your heart was pounding in anticipation. His fingertips grazed down your back, starting between your shoulder blades until he was brushing against the curve of your lower back. 

“I thought we didn’t have much time?” you asked, turning your head to look back at him with one cheek pressed into his blankets. 

He glared down at you. “Every time you talk back to me, that’s one.” 

You gulped. “One what?” 

He barely hesitated before his hand came down against the center of your ass cheek. You whimpered, pressing your face into the blankets. The sting only lasted for a moment before you felt a pulse of pleasure low in your stomach. 

“Now,” Jinyoung started, his hand massaging the area where he’d just smacked. You took a deep breath in, desperately trying to keep your hips from squirming. “Are you going to be good for me?” 

You nodded vigorously, stealing a glance behind you. The look on his face reminded you of how he’d looked after Bambam’s party, demanding you to touch yourself. A look you’d thought about many, many times since. 

He shocked you when he smacked your ass again, your back arching involuntarily. “Use your words, angel.” 

“Yes! Yes, I’ll be good.” 

You were certain if his hand drifted down the few inches away from your ass to your entrance, he would feel just how wet he’d made you already. 

“Hmm, I’m not sure if I believe you. You don’t always listen. Always trying to make it difficult for me, aren’t you?” 

You shook your head. “N-no. I wanna be good for you, Jinyoung.” 

His tongue ran over his bottom lip slowly, giving you that familiar predatory gaze. “You’re gonna have to prove it to me.” His hands were massaging your ass again, stopping to squeeze the soft flesh every now and then. 

“How?” You asked, fear and arousal blooming in your chest. You knew whatever he had in store for you wouldn’t be easy.

Jinyoung trailed his right hand up your back again, pushing your hair aside so that you could see him without any obstruction. “Don’t come. No matter what.” 

Again, you swallowed hard. You wouldn’t be good at this game and you both knew it. He got you so hot so fast that you could never hold back, which wasn’t usually a problem, until now.

His hand traveled down your back, fingers grazing over the curve of your ass until they slipped down to your entrance. You watched his face, enthralled, as he gathered the wetness that had already dripped out of you and brought it to his lips to taste. You moaned. 

Jinyoung looked down at you, smirking. “Oh, that’s not a good sign. I barely even touched you. Try to control yourself, okay, baby? You can do it.” 

You bit down onto your lip again, nodding at him as you slid your hands up underneath of your head, gripping his blankets. “Okay.” 

When he finally slipped his fingers inside of you, your eyes fell shut. Only two fingers and you could tell you were squeezing around him, your current position doing nothing to give him easier access. 

He began a slow, torturous pace inside of you with his two fingers, scissoring them inside of you every few thrusts. You were whining and moaning into the blankets, your fingernails digging into the fabric. 

“So fucking tight. I wish you could see what I’m seeing right now—it’s heavenly.” 

You pressed your forehead into the blankets, teeth pressed hard into your lower lip as he twisted his fingers, turning his hand so that his thumb could massage your clit. You couldn’t help rolling your hips towards his fingers, wanting him deeper inside. 

“Jinyoung, please...” you whispered. 

“Hm? What was that?” he asked, squeezing your ass with his free hand. “You want more?” 

You opened your eyes to look back at him again and nodded. “Please.” 

The sight of him was enough to have your walls clenching on his fingers again. Eyebrows knitted together, completely focused on fucking into you with the perfect pace. The glasses were really just an added bonus. 

With no warning, he slipped a third finger inside of you.

“Fuck,” you groaned loudly, arching your back and fighting to spread your legs, even though they were caged in by Jinyoung’s thighs. 

This earned you another smack, followed by a gentle caress. 

“You’re not controlling yourself very well, are you, angel?” 

You fought back a sob and shook your head. “No, I’m sorry, I just-” you couldn’t finish your sentence, because Jinyoung had curled his fingers inside of you on his next thrust, pressing into your g-spot. 

Then he did it again. And again. 

You had never tried for anything as hard as you were now, desperately trying to keep your orgasm at bay. Heat spread through your entire body but you fought it, even though it made tears form in the corners of your eyes, even though it felt like you were about to explode. 

Jinyoung was receptive, he knew your body well enough that he knew just how close you were and how much effort you were putting into denying your body what it wanted so badly. 

He finally withdrew his fingers from you, but not without another harsh spank. His hands immediately soothed your skin, gently massaging your flesh as he leaned down over your back, kissing the spot between your shoulder blades.

“Such a good girl. You did so good.” 

You melted under his touch as your orgasm retreated. It had been so close, you wouldn’t have lasted much longer if he’d continued. Your skin burned where his hand had made contact and you knew it would hurt to sit tomorrow. 

“Want to stay like this, baby? Looks like it hurts.” 

You nodded with a pout, unfolding your arms from under your chest and stretching them above your head, relieving some of the tension from clenching the sheets in your fists. 

Jinyoung didn’t waste much time, pushing his sweatpants and underwear to his thighs. He looked hard as a rock, and you cursed the fact that you didn’t have enough time to give him a goodbye blowjob. The sight practically had your mouth watering. 

Then he was scooting up your legs, until the head of his cock nudged in between your thighs. He slid between your flesh a few times easily, as your skin was covered with the juices that had dripped out of you. 

You both let out satisfied moans once he slid inside your heat, already wet and beyond ready for him as you always were. 

Jinyoung leaned over you, bracing his hands on the bed on either side of your shoulders. With the rest of his weight resting on his knees, he rolled his hips towards you, pushing his length inside of you to the hilt. 

“Oh my God,” you moaned. It felt new, this depth that he’d reached inside of you. You leaned up on your forearms to arch yourself to a better angle, hips lifting up slightly. 

You were grateful he wasn’t gentle with you, you couldn’t handle that right now. You needed him, quick and deep, and that’s exactly the pace he began inside of you. The only sound in the room was his skin slapping yours and the desperate, throaty moans and pleas for more, more, more. 

Jinyoung ducked his head down to press kisses to your shoulder. It was the affection you needed, suddenly overwhelmed with the fact that he was leaving you. Only for a week and a half, but at the moment you couldn’t imagine living without him inside of you for one minute. That was how crazy he made you. 

“Jinyoung,” you begged, bending onto your elbow so that you could grip a hold of his arm next to you. Your name fell from his lips in response, over and over. You craned your neck to find his lips for a messy kiss, somewhat awkward from the angle, but it brought you even closer to the edge. 

“Close?” he asked against your lips before pulling away to press kisses against your jaw. You nodded, squeezing his arm tightly until your fingernails dug into his skin. 

Your nerves were on fire as the familiar tension built inside of you, beginning at your rib cage until it spread lower and lower. Jinyoung lowered onto his elbows until his front was pressed to your back, his hips never slowing or relenting. 

“Gonna come,” Jinyoung said with a groan, digging his teeth into the soft skin of your shoulder, the sharp pain sending a wave of electricity right to your clit. 

As the tension in your body snapped, you finally allowed yourself to tip over the edge, made more intense by the sensation of Jinyoung reaching his orgasm as well. Your thighs shook as you took every drop from him, letting him fill you. Your own climax hit you like a ton of bricks, fast and hard, your body quivering underneath of him in waves. 

Your body fell limp under his as you finally relaxed, absolutely exhausted from your orgasm. Jinyoung panted behind you, his lips still kissing your skin and whispering how good you were for him, how you fit him perfectly. You wished you weren’t in a daze, or you would have been able to focus on the husky, fucked out tone of his voice. 

Finally, he rolled off to the side, pulling his sweatpants back up over his hips. You were too worn out to move yet, so you just laid there on your stomach while you heard Jinyoung get up for a washcloth. He was always quick to clean you up and you were eternally grateful, especially now. You were pretty sure he’d just taken years off of your life. 

You let him move you however he needed in order to clean you up, and as Jinyoung tossed the washcloth to the side, he stared down at you with raised brows. 

“You okay?” he asked. You could hear the smirk in his voice. 

“Mm,” you replied, arms unwinding from underneath yourself again to stretch them out, wiggling your fingers. “You just fucked the life out of me. Officially.” 

Jinyoung chuckled, a hand caressing your back as he laid on his side next to you. “Do you think it was the glasses?” he asked as he tucked your hair behind your ear.

You opened your eyes to look at him, your lips spreading into a grin. “Probably.” 

Even though you had a no cuddling rule, and a no unnecessary kissing rule, you didn’t fight it when Jinyoung brought you into his arms and melted your lips together. 

You blamed it on your exhausted state. 

~~~

“Forrest Gump! Forrest Gump!” Sana whisper-shouted, slapping her pencil down on the restaurant table. “Why isn’t anyone listening to me?!” 

“Because you’re wrong,” Yugyeom replied. “It’s Shawshank Redemption.” 

You sat between Bambam and Jackson in the crowded diner booth as Sana and Yugyeom argued across from you. This was how it’d gone all night. It had been Yugyeom’s bright idea to participate in a trivia night instead of your usual movie night for the month and you were quickly regretting it. 

Jinyoung hated trivia games and never wanted to go when it was suggested, which you suspected was because he hated being wrong. Now that he was away on business, you’d decided to give it a try. It had been a mistake.

Yugyeom was, apparently, fiercely competitive, which would have been okay if Sana wasn’t exactly the same way. You wanted to win, sure, but your two friends were starting to get out of hand with their arguing and butting heads. 

“Okay, okay,” you said, trying to get them to simmer down. People had been staring at you all night, clearly bothered by the constant bickering. “Someone just write down an answer because he’s coming around to get our sheets!” 

Yugyeom snatched the pencil from Sana, scribbling down his favored answer just in time for the host to collect your papers. It was the last round, and you had been in first place the last time they’d checked scores. 

“I hope you’re happy,” Sana sneered, crossing her arms. 

“Oh my God, stop,” you told her, slapping her arm lightly. “It’s just a game! And here we thought Jinyoung would be the problem.” 

The familiar fluttering bloomed in your heart as you spoke his name, which you did your best to shove down just as you had for the last five days since Jinyoung had been gone. You tried to convince yourself your body missed him, not you specifically. 

You pulled out your phone as soon as the host announced you were free to do so, scrolling through your texts until you found your message with Jinyoung. You’d been talking a lot this last week. The convention was this weekend, and in New York it was about time for him to be waking up to get ready.

You: so… we decided to go to trivia tonight You: it’s a blood bath in here

Jinyoung: Ugh. Trivia. 

You: yeah yeah. good morning, by the way :)

Jinyoung: Good morning. How was your day? 

You: good. busy, but in a good way You: are you excited for today??

Jinyoung: Excited? No. Prepared? Also no. But I’m ready to just get on with it already. 

You: it’s gonna be so much fun!!! you get to talk about books all day!!!!!

Jinyoung: Ugh. It’s way too early in my day for all those exclamation points

You: soooo dramaticcccccccc

Jinyoung: Hey, be nice to me, I’m nervous

You: okay okay. you’re going to do great today you know

Jinyoung: I’ll do my best. 

You: shhh. it’ll be great. i’ll stay up late tonight in case you need to call me.

Jinyoung: Good. I miss you. 

“Why are you making that face?” Sana asked, snapping you out of your text trance. 

Your head shot up and you looked around with wide eyes. You’d literally forgotten where you were in the last five minutes. 

“Huh? What face?” 

“Are you… blushing?” Sana replied. “Who are you texting?! It better not be-”

“It’s not Jaebeom!” you said, defensively. 

You hadn’t even talked to him since Bambam’s party when you’d left him on the dance floor. You still felt guilty, but couldn’t bring yourself to reach out to him and open that can of worms. 

“Who is it?” 

You brought your phone to your chest, hiding the screen from your friends. Yugyeom looked confused, Bambam looked mildly amused, and Jackson was eating cheese fries. It truly summed up your friendship. 

“No one.” 

A look of hurt flashed in Sana’s eyes. “Why won’t you tell me who it is?” 

You deflated a bit. It had been difficult in more ways than one having to keep your arrangement with Jinyoung a secret from Sana and the rest of your friends. You hated lying, period, but especially to your best friend. 

“Because it’s…” you looked around at the rest of the table, then down at your phone. “It’s not, like… a real thing.”

“She’s texting Jinyoung!”

Your head whipped in Jackson’s direction. He had blurted the words out like word vomit, and now looked as if the weight of the world had lifted from his shoulders. 

“Were you looking at my phone?!” you asked, feeling somewhat violated. 

“No!” he replied. “I’ve known for…” his eyes looked upward as he counted on his fingers. “Six weeks.” 

“Six weeks?! You’ve been dating Jinyoung for six weeks?” Sana asked, her jaw practically dropping to the table. 

You cleared your throat. “Two months. And we’re not dating! We’re just having sex.”

Sana stared blankly at you, not even noticing when the trivia hosts began going over the correct answers. “I knew you were seeing someone, I just thought it was Jaebeom. What… how…?”

“Wait, when did you find out?” you asked Jackson. 

“Well…” he looked down, heaving a deep breath. “At Bambam’s party, he chewed me out in the bathroom for dancing with you and being, you know, touchy. I feared for my life, but also figured something had to be going on for him to get jealous like that. I asked him the next day and he spilled everything.”

You had no idea he’d gotten angry with Jackson. If anything, you’d assumed all his anger had been directed at you. And, besides, you’d settled it later on at his apartment. 

“Hold on,” Yugyeom cut in. “You’re not dating Jinyoung, you’re just sleeping together? Like… friends with benefits?” 

You shrugged. “Yeah. We were both lonely and trying to get over feelings for other people, so we figured…” 

Sana was rubbing her temples, clearly having a tough time coming to terms with this revelation. “Just sleeping together?”

“Yeah. Why is that so hard to believe? People do it all the time.”

“Uh, no. I don’t know anyone that started sleeping with their friend of ten years so they can get over their crush, also of ten years. This is possibly the worst idea you’ve ever had.” 

You furrowed your eyebrows together. “Okay, it’s really not that bad. It’s casual, we're just having fun.”

“Are you telling her that or yourself?” Jackson interrupted. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” You held your hands up. “This is exactly why we didn’t tell anyone. We knew you’d all be judgmental and worry that I’m going to get hurt-“

“Maybe you aren’t the one we’re worried about!”

The entire table fell silent, all eyes on Sana. Including the trivia host, who’d just announced that the correct answer to the last question had been Forrest Gump. 

When the chatter started to pick up again and another team was crowned the winner, you shook your head, confused. 

“What do you mean? Why would you be worried about Jinyoung?”

You looked around at your friends, but nobody would meet your eyes. Jackson looked especially tortured, clearly conflicted with his loyalty to you and Jinyoung separately. 

Finally, Sana sighed, relaxing back into her seat. “A few years ago, when you had gone home for your mom’s birthday, we all went out one night. The four of us, Jinyoung, and Yeri. Those two started bickering about an hour in, and Yeri ended up leaving. So Jinyoung got absolutely hammered, and we went to some shady pizza place to sober up. Before we even got our pizza, he told us how he’d liked you since middle school, but was ready to finally give up because you were obsessed with Jaebeom and you’d never see him that way. He vowed to get over you if it was the last thing he did.” 

You could only blink at your friend. It all sounded… not right. How could he have liked you without your knowledge? When had he stopped liking you? It made no sense. 

“But he was with Yeri then,” was all you could say. 

“Yes, he was,” Jackson replied. “And he’d been texting you all night before she got pissed off and left.” 

It had never, not even once, occurred to you that Jinyoung had feelings for you. Certainly not before you started having sex. You’d been friends, and he had never crossed any lines with you, even after he and Yeri broke up. 

“I don’t…” you shook your head, staring down at Jinyoung’s last message. 

I miss you. 

“Listen, I don’t know when he stopped liking you, but this just… doesn’t seem like a good idea.” Sana reached for your hand across the table and gave it a squeeze. “Is it worth risking your friendship?” 

The question had entered your mind more times than you could count in the last two months. But after a while, you’d just gotten used to it. You liked the bubble you lived in, where you could just enjoy the present without worrying about the consequences. 

Your heart felt like it was going to drop into your stomach.

“If it helps,” Bambam said, placing a comforting hand on your wrist. “I was blacked out that night and had no fucking clue until just now.” 

It didn’t help. You just shook your head again, reaching down between your feet for your purse. “I need to go. Sorry. I just need…”

You never finished your sentence. Jackson let you out of the booth and you rushed out of the diner, greeted by the warm summer air. You placed your hand between your ribs, willing your heart to slow its pounding.  

So, he’d liked you. For a while. At least until a few years ago—while he was with Yeri. Why hadn’t he ever said anything? 

Would it have mattered? You had tunnel vision for Jaebeom until this whole arrangement had begun, and you’d never seen Jinyoung in that way before that first night. You knew yourself, you would have let him down easy and continued chasing after Jaebeom. 

You started to walk in the direction of your apartment. It was a long walk, but it was doable. You needed the time to clear your head. 

More puzzle pieces started to fall into place the more you thought about it. 

He and Jaebeom had been so close, like brothers, until you graduated high school. Then Jinyoung started getting a sour look whenever you asked about the other boy and you learned to avoid the topic. 

Yeri had never liked you. It hurt your feelings the entire span of their relationship, because you couldn’t figure out why. If she knew how Jinyoung felt, or even suspected it... of course she wouldn’t like you. 

As much as you wanted to believe it was all a misunderstanding, you couldn’t deny the truth staring you in the face. Jinyoung had liked you for years, and you had no idea. 

You needed to figure out your own heart. You didn’t have feelings for him, you were sure of it. It was just biological—good sex messed with your head, that’s all. 

And yet…

The only thing that made sense was that Jinyoung no longer felt this way about you. He’d decided to get over you, and you knew he accomplished any goal he set his mind to. 

You should have felt relief, but you didn’t. You couldn’t quite identify the sadness in your heart, the utter hollowness at missing something you never knew you could’ve had. 

When you finally got back to your apartment, both your mind and your feet were tired. You dragged yourself to the bathroom, wiping off your makeup and brushing your hair into a ponytail. 

Maybe it was your exhaustion. Maybe you were tired, in general, of holding that barrier up. The one thing separating you from what could either be the best thing that ever happened to you, or soul crushing heartbreak.

As you crawled into bed and pulled your knees up to your chest, you finally let the wall come down and held the feeling that fell into your palms safe and close to your heart like a firefly. Just this once, you recognized the terrifying truth you’d been denying for weeks.

You were falling in love. 

[project-rosewood-476]

Every Rose Has Its Thorns Chapter 1

So I’ve finally decided to post the first chapter of my creepypasta fanfic Every Rose Has It’s Thorns. This is based on an RP that I’m doing with @creepypasta-shtick so this takes place in their universe that they created so a lot of this were their ideas too just as much as mine. You should go check them out!. Maplehood creek, Rosewood Prep, and Tabby Anderson belongs to me.

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

Chapter 1

Tabby Anderson laid awake staring blankly up at the ceiling. She was replaying the last months worth of events that happened in her life over and over again in her head. Like a broken record. Over the course of a month she watched the ones she held close all jump to their deaths one by one while everyone’s cheering drowned out her own screams of terror. She could still hear the breaking of the glass window as Horatio, the guy who made all of her friends jump to their deaths, forcefully shoved her fist through the window. It was an unforgettable sound as it would be one that would haunt the rest of her life. She let out a silent gasp as she clenched her bandaged left hand from the phantom pain. She no longer had any use of her left hand as that was gone forever now. Living as a constant reminder of what she failed to do.

She winced from the fresh bruises and scars that never healed as she turned over to her side as she looked at the alarm clock. It read 2am in big red numbers. She let out an audible sigh and she squeezed her eyes shut as she banged her head over and over again on her pillow. Insomnias a bitch as it was but it was even more of a bitch to deal with when your stomach is empty and your mind is full. She realized that she had school in a couple of hours with the strict regimen that her stepdad had her on.

“On top of no sleep for tonight I also have to deal with another day of hell at Rosewood Prep and another day of hell at home too. All by myself”, She said in thought.

She looked around at her surroundings in her room. It was pretty minimalist for the most part. She looked at her dresser with the lopsided mirror that made the shadows in the room dance. She had her Rosewood Prep uniform laid out for the next day. She had her stack of unfinished homework that she didn’t finish on top of the school textbooks. She would scramble at breakfast tomorrow before she went to class to finish the homework. Laid on the side of her school books and homework was her black bag that she’s had since forever. She then looked at her closet door that was slightly ajar. There was nothing in it except for a few nice shirts and a lacey pale blue flower dress that hung up in there.

Tabby flopped back onto her pillow as her eyes made their way back up to the ceiling. She wasn’t sure just how long she could make it at Rosewood and at home since it was just her now. I mean her only motivation for living was taken from her and Rosewood wasn’t a place you could survive on your own. She didn’t know if she could make it to graduation. She then came up with the dawning realization. One that made her bolt up straight in her bed with her unnaturally wide eyes growing wider. If she stayed any longer she would be killed for sure, whether it was by Horatio, her step dad or herself. Either way one of those three would get her it was only a matter of time. Tabby couldn’t die not yet at least. Not until she fulfilled her promises of avenging her friends and killing Horatio once and for all. She got up and winced at her bruises that were still tender. She got dressed in a white tee shirt and black jeans with faded dirty pink converse. She got her black bag and began to pack. She packed a couple of photos, one of her mom, stepdad, herself, her older and younger brothers, one class photo in the 8th grade that was just her and her now deceased friends, a picture of her little brother, and a couple of sketches of her that her best friend Autumn made. She then packed some clothes, hair brush and toothbrush. She was about to sneak out when she realized she forgot the most important thing. Tabby ran back to her dresser and took out the money she’s been saving for the last two years from her job at the This or That restaurant and her red plaid jacket that shes had since the 6th grade. It was enough money to buy a bus ticket and have a little leftover to live until she found a job and got a stable income. After she pocketed the money safely away and tied her jacket around her waist, she snuck out through her window.

Tabby landed with a soft thud on to the ground she laid there for a bit and groaned. She got back up and brushed herself off and picked up her bag and slung it over her shoulders. Tabby took a few moments to appreciate the peacefulness of the night. For it being in the middle of November it was surprisingly warm. Must be one of those freak mother nature weeks or something. She could hear the few cars going by occasionally and there was no sound of people. She could hear the wind rustling through the trees that were the woods surrounding her town. Tabby knew that there were shortcuts in her section of the woods that led to the next town of HolyAnn. That was where the bus stop was and where she could buy a bus ticket and get out of Maplehood Creek for good. Tabby kept her back to her apartment complex and ran straight into the woods and never looked back. Ever.

Meanwhile deep in the heart of the woods, the whimpering of the woman before them was not stirring Hoodie’s sympathies. She could shake and cry all she wanted, about how she needed to get home to her children and husband. Hoodie didn’t particularly care all that much. Masky turned to look at Hoodie.

“Hm, do you think we should let her go?”, he asked in a taunting voice clearly mocking the poor woman’s pleads.

Hoodie and Masky loved to toy with their victims. In Toby’s opinion, it made them take too long to get the job done. However, the creativity and cruelty the two of them displayed were why they were some of the Slenderman’s favorites. Toby noted that they were only violent with victims around each other. Solo missions and missions with only one or the other resulted in the two being much less brutal. Though, Toby noted, Jeff was much more crazed and violent than these two. Toby’s head snapped up when he heard the woman scream in pain. He did not turn to see what one of the men had done to her. Someone in the woman’s family was trying to get information about the Slenderman. Killing her would be sending a message. Toby continued to stare off into the woods, knowing the direction he was staring into was where several houses were.

Tabby continued to curse herself as she got deeper and deeper into the woods. She was clearly lost but she refused to admit it to herself. She then heard a woman’s scream. Tabby’s fight or flight instinct kicked in and she was on high alert as always. She thought she was running away from the danger only to stumble upon a masked man, a man with a frowning mask, and a man with orange goggles and the corpse of the dead woman. She locked eyes with the orange goggled man. She unfortunately has the freeze response so she couldn’t run or fight even if she wanted to at this minute. Tabby was a pitiful sight to see. All covered in various bruises and scars of different colors and sizes, unnaturally wide, haunted hazel eyes that were colored underneath from lack of sleep and were slightly sunken back due to malnourishment. Her cheeks were slightly hollow also due to malnourishment and she stood in a potential fighting stance that exposed her bandaged left hand. She quickly realized that running would ensure her getting killed. If she was going to die she was going to die with what little dignity she had left and face death face on, She wasn’t going down without a fight.

“Oh fuck…”, she let out quietly.

Like with everything else in her life she had the misfortune of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. She was having a flashback to when she was 12 with a similar situation with her step dad happened. Death was not new to her; she was the least fazed by that. She was more worried about her own survival at the moment. She shook her head to get rid of the flashbacks and to focus more on the situation at hand. Should she go with the situation or fight?

It did not matter how quiet the girl was. Hoodie and Masky have been doing this line of work for a long time. They were also blessed by the Slenderman with practically supernatural senses. Hoodie stared coldly at the girl. Masky chuckled.

“Well, well, well what do we have here?”, he said looking at the frail stranger in front of them.

Toby continued to make eye contact with the girl. He recognized the signs of abuse and neglect and had a flashback of his own. He had been hiding in a closet with his older sister. He couldn’t have been more than eight or so at the time. He remembered his father yelling and screeching at his mother. The sounds of a fight and his mother screaming. He remembered footsteps stomping up the stairs and his father calling for his sister and him to come out. He remembered his sister covering him in towels and blankets to hide him just before his father opened the closet. His sister had saved him from a beating that night.

He snapped back to the present when he heard Hoodie speak, in his raspy quiet voice.

“Let’s just kill her there’s no point in leaving her alive”

Masky seemed to be considering that.

“Alright, Hoodie, you-”

“No”, stated Toby abruptly.

“I’m sorry what?”, asked Tabby surprised.

The two men stopped and stared at the newer proxy.

“Don’t be ridiculous”, Tim began to lecture Toby.

Toby, however, stood his ground.

“No let’s just let her go”, he stated

“Are you fucking stupid”, Masky stated coldly, “That is a major breech of conduct”

Toby shook his head, ”There’s really no point in killing her”.

Hoodie just listened as the two men began to debate. He personally figured that killing the girl was unnecessary as they were not ordered to do so. However, he realized that they just couldn’t let her go either.

Tabby rolled her eyes and crossed her arms in defense. Although she looked like a mixture of ready to either bolt or fight.

“Oh please killing me would be a sweet blessing compared to the 17 years that I had and specifically with this month in general”. She stated.

She didn’t dare look at Toby for too long as she quickly learned growing up that if she looked at someone directly in the eyes for too long, it meant a challenge and resulted in a sure beating.

“If I do get let go I’m going back to where I live, clearly I picked a bad night for this and didn’t think this through enough. I’m going to find that bottle of whiskey in the cabinets that I know damn well my parents have hidden somewhere and I’m going to drink myself to oblivion and forget this encounter ever happened”, Tabby added out loud talking more to herself than to the others. She hasn’t been killed yet so staying and going with the situation was her best option.

Hoodie spoke up.

“Are you sure you’d go back home?”, he asked bluntly.

Masky glanced at him. It was like he could sense that Hoodie was analyzing the kid.

“I mean you’ve just gotten away from em, hm?”, Hoodie prodded as he gestured to her black backpack.

Hoodie was known for being scarily perceptive. Even Masky was staring at him.

Tabby huffed and pushed her hair back.

“I…have nowhere else to go but if I stayed I would be dead in the very near future. So I was running away. But obviously this is a bad night to do so, clearly I didn’t think this through enough and I have one other to protect…”, she said defensively.

Masky hummed.

“I think that if living is such a hassle to you then-”, he was cleaning the bloody blade off his jacket.

“No! Lets not kill her-!”, Toby intervened again.

“Why?”, asked Tabby quietly.

Toby looked at the girl and then looked down.

“Because I understand what you’re going through”, Toby whispered.

Hoodie pretended that he hadn’t heard what he said while Masky scoffed and was about to argue again when Hoodie spoke up.

“Let’s take her to our boss. Let him decide”

“Hoodie! He has to ask to see a human. Just simply bringing one to him-”, Toby protested.

“It’s better than letting her go”, said Hoodie with a shrug.

Everyone looked back at Tabby for her decision. It was either this or death. Her options were limited.

“Alrighty lets see here….I can’t run….That would ensure my death and I’d be hunted down for sure…I can’t fight all three of you at once….I really have nothing to lose anymore….so going with you guys seems like the best course of options to ensure my survival for now…I really don’t have much of a choice now do I?”, she took a deep breath, stood up straight and looked at them with an emotionless expression, “Lead the way I guess. The sooner I know me fate the sooner I can carry on with my life dead or alive”

Hoodie nodded, ”You’re right. Even if you ran or even if we let you go our boss would have us hunt you down”

Masky nodded and perked up.

“I’m impressed with your ability to make a rational decision in a life or death situation”, he mused, “Toby. You walk with her and make sure that she doesn’t try anything”

They were going to break the rules just this once. Maybe the boss would take pity on the girl. After all, he’d done the same with Toby. Toby went to stand next to the girl as Masky and Hoodie led the way deeper into the woods.

Tabby moved a couple of steps from Toby to give him space. She just looked at the ground praying that he wouldn’t beat her or kill her. Not yet. She walked with Toby not daring to speak. Being used to sneaking around she was quite stealthy. She made very little noise to where you would almost forget that she was walking with you. She was fidgeting with the hem of her white shirt like she was wringing someone’s neck. Even though she showed no emotion. She was anxious. Her anxiety was skyrocketing. She had to fight the urge to run every time she heard a noise. Her eye twitches occasionally. That was due to her being taken off meds that she didn’t need because doctors refused to do diagnosis correctly.

Toby had no intention of harming her. He could tell that she wasn’t doing too well, and he couldn’t really blame her. They passed the corpse of the dead woman as he followed the two older proxies. Hoodie and Masky were having their own conversation ahead of them. Toby decided to try to chat.

“Er..I’m Toby”, he stated, “What’s your name?”

He really didn’t expect a positive response from her. Why should he? He knew that she was probably freaking out. He did too when he was put in this situation.

“My name is Tabby”, she replied looking at Toby for a quick moment.

She looked wary and cautious but decided to show no fear. Hoodie and Masky paused in front of a haggard old tree with the boss’ symbol carved into it. Masky pulled off his glove and pressed the symbol with his bare hand. It began to glow faintly. It seemed like the woods grew darker, as if shadows were melting and joining together in some kind of macabre dance. Toby remembered being absolutely terrified of the opening of a portal when he was new. Especially a portal that led right into the heart of the Slenderman’s domain.

Tabby kinda looked up and around her in a mixture of awe and mortification. She stopped fidgeting slightly occasionally wringing her shirt before catching herself and smoothening out. She was desperately trying to show no signs of weakness despite how she looked.

Toby understood. Hoodie went through the shadows first and just seemed to vanish. Masky nodded to Toby and Tabby.

“You two are next Toby will lead the way”, he said.

Toby smiled at Tabby reassuringly.

"It-It’s just cold”, He assured her. His face twitched a bit. Damn it he had been doing so well so far, "It won’t hurt or anything.”

Tabby gave him a hint of a small smile although she was still suspicious and didn’t trust him or any of them for that matter one bit. Her eye twitched again. But she didn’t raise herself to be a little bitch so she jumped through the portal after Toby. She hid her left arm behind her back to avoid any questions about her hand.

It was cold and dark. Toby felt his feet hit something soft and cold. The ground always felt off. He heard the sound of a lighter clicking, and turned and saw Masky behind them with a lit lighter. The small flame wasn’t nearly enough to fully illuminate the entrance, but it was enough. Hoodie was waiting for them near what looked like a thick wall of foliage. Hoodie had his arms crossed and looked a little impatient. They had to take a walk through the Pocket to even get to the boss’ place, which would be dangerous for the human, as she was, well, a human that wasn’t a pet in a haven of killers.

“We don’t have all day.” Hoodie said firmly.

“I’m here” she said rather defensively.

“Good”, Hoodie stated.

Now he took off his glove. Masky protested a bit.

“I can do it, my glove is already off-”

Hoodie ignored him and sliced his palm slightly. He waved his hand in a way that would splatter the blood on the plants. Just like that, they slithered back, creating a doorway that seemed to lead into a huge town. Hoodie walked resolutely forward. Masky sighed and put his glove back on.

"You two go after him.” He said.

Tabby nodded not looking at him. She quickly walked a little ahead of Toby but she wasn’t more than an arms length away from him. She looked around at her surroundings. It was very different from her hometown where the only sinister thing was Rosewood Prep where she goes to school. She was used to the feeling of darkness making observations to herself.

Toby offered her a small smile.

“Make sure you stay close…” he warned her quietly.

Tabby nodded slowly, slowing down her pace to be evenly matched with Toby. She was careful to avoid eye contact with everyone.

The town was bustling. Toby saw some people he knew outside. Clockwork’s bar was bustling with activity. He could see EJ perched on a bench, eating…something. Judging from the blood splatters on his hands and clothes, Toby figured he knew what it was. The sky was clear and very dark. There were a bunch of plants and trees that Toby knew no human would have ever seen before. It was a very colorful place surprisingly, save for the pitch black sky and dark ground. But it was always cold. And it always felt a little off. Lights floated against the sky, giving the illusion of some sort of stars. The town was also illuminated by lamps and the lights from the buildings.

"It’s…different….definitely not like Rosewood Prep" she said quietly more to herself.

Toby nodded.

“Yeah. That’s the school in the town right?” He asked.

He was homeschooled so he wasn’t too sure. Masky walked behind them and Hoodie walked in front. A woman in a tight black dress and a wig stopped Masky temporarily and handed him a file. He seemed to thank her and continued to follow them.

Tabby nodded politely as she walked by the woman.

“it’s one of them unfortunately. There’s also Maplehood Creek elementary school. I went there for the first 4 years then I got transferred over Rosewood” she gave him a bitter smile and a bitter laugh “In Rosewood you’d either have to be very rich, mentally disturbed or very intelligent to get in. And I’m two out of the three” her eyes showed a dark, pained haunted expression.

Toby nodded. He understood.

“Yeah, I’ve heard that about that school.”

He looked around, then whispered.

"That woman that gave Masky the file used to go there too. You probably didn’t know her or anything but she did go there.“ He stated earnestly.

It was true. Jane had gone there. Toby knew several others who had gone there too.

"I never went to school so…well I did for elementary but that didn’t go too well for me.” Toby said.

Masky was glancing through the files.

She showed an expression of understanding and relief, “so they’ve probably have horror stories of their own about that place”.

She looked at Toby “don’t worry it didn’t go too well for me either that’s why I got transferred”

She remembered her first day at that sinister place. Meeting her first real friend and making her first sworn enemy and accidentally witnessed Horacio physically torture some poor kid. All at the ripe old age of 9 years old.

Toby nodded.

“Yeah. That school is absolutely ripe for producing people like, well…” He gestured around at the people in the town, “It’s why where you live is such a hotspot for, well, paranormal activity as well as people like me.” He explained.

He didn’t want to go into detail about his hellish elementary school days. He knew proxies who would watch that school day in and day out because of all the people that would just snap there.

She looked at him. “I now see why you guys didn’t decide to kill me… Makes sense I’ve always been able to see paranormal shit all my life from the time I could remember…I guess that I’ve always had some sort of potential”

she gave a bitter laugh.

“Who knew that my step dad would be proven wrong about me. The shit I saw and went through made me the survivor that I am today and I don’t mean to undermine your hellish experience but to me that sounds like heaven compared to Rosewood. I wish I had your elementary experience”

She hesitated for a minute before her expression turned dark, fearful and pained.

“Are you aware of anyone named Horatio Galloway?” She asked quietly

She held her bandaged left hand close to her.

“Ha, well I mean if you define "heaven” as being relentlessly tormented by all your peers, having a hate club made about you, and being put in the hospital twice by kids older then you then I suppose so.“ Toby smiled.

"Also, usually we kill people who are sensitive to the paranormal. Well, the people who work for my boss do.”

Toby was silent after being asked about the stranger.

“I’m not, I’m sorry. Though someone else here might be aware of who he is.”

“I had all of that and more. I’ve been put in the hospital more times then I care to remember”, she physically flinched as she felt the phantom pain of her hand and the beatings of her step dad.

"At least you didn’t watch the only people who were the closest thing you had to a real family jump to their deaths one by one at the hands of Horatio. And there was nothing I could do about it”, she went quiet.

“I-I said too much. It’s not really anyone else’s business”, she tilted her head to the side thoughtfully, “hm…if I die I at least will be with my friends again…hopefully” she sighed “that’s fine…I’ll get my revenge eventually…if I live long enough…”

Toby nodded. He understood. He spoke.

“My father liked to say that my sister died in a car crash. She was in one, that was true, but the reason it killed her was because of a head wound my father had given her. The car cr-a-ash-”, he stopped and cleared his throat, “was simply just an excuse.”

“Dads aren’t shit”, she said as she playfully punched his arm gently with her right hand with a small smile.

Toby understood what it was like to lose people. So did a lot of the folks here. They soon were heading up a steep hill towards a monolith of a mansion. It was beautiful, with sprawling gardens and marble columns. All three of the men quickened their steps towards the metal gate, which swung open to let the group in. It seemed that whoever or whatever was inside was expecting him. Toby figured Masky had let the boss know. All proxies could communicate telepathically with their boss. But only their boss.

She almost forgot about her anxiety as she was talking to Toby. Her anxiety spiked up as she was about to receive her fate. She went back to wringing her shirt.

“Its so strange…I might die at any minute now and I’m strangely okay with this. You know death was very real to be growing up. I knew I’ll die any day now whether I’ll do it myself or someone else would”, she shook her head, “I just never expected my death to be like this. This turned out to be a longer night then expected”

Toby patted her shoulder.

She dodged his touch and then offered him an apologetic smile.

“Sorry instincts”

“I’ll vouch for you.” He said simply.

“What if that’s not enough? What if I have to die anyways regardless?”, stated Tabby.

Hoodie led them up the stairs to a huge door, that also creaked open invitingly. The inside of the mansion was beautiful, with golden curtails, matching rugs, and wooden floors. Two people in matching masks and uniforms closed the door when Masky had stepped through. Without a word, they both gestured, at the same time, for the group to follow them.

Tabby whistled and was impressed at her surroundings.

“This is so much better than my apartment…”

Toby glanced at Tabby.

“Disgraced proxies.” He explained, then mentioned he would explain everything later to her after the conversation with his boss.

“Oh…”, she nodded an okay as he said that he’ll explain later. She sincerely hoped that she would be alive for the explanation.

She made the sign of the cross and put her hands together in a silent prayer and followed them. She stood up straight with her hands to her sides and kept a neutral emotionless expression for first impressions.

Toby understood. There wasn’t much he could do for her except put in a good word for her. Masky looked like he had a bit of a headache. The two people in the pearly colored masks eventually led them to a heavy door. One of them pushed it open. This room was darker than the rest of the mansion. It was cold. Painting of landscapes hung on the walls. It seemed to be some sort of sitting room. In the corner, on a plush armchair, rested a tall imposing figure. As soon as Hoodie, Masky, and Toby entered the room, they approached the chair and kneeled. The proxies in the pearly masks kneeled right next to the door, allowing Tabby to go in. Tabby entered the room cautiously and looked around. Tabby didn’t know what to do. She saw everyone else kneeling so she did the same too. Wincing at her bruises as she did. She looked down, not daring to speak or look up until she was spoken too.

The room seemed to rumble as the figure in the chair spoke.

“Masky…why have you brought this human here?”, It was a smooth, but chilling voice.

Masky remained kneeling, and addressed his creator.

“Conflict in the group as to what to do with her, sir.”, Masky said.

The being chuckled coldly.

“How silly. Why did you not just do away with her?” The being asked.

Masky sighed, and responded.

“Some in the group believe there is no purpose in killing her.” He stated firmly.

Toby was muttering something under his breath, over and over. “Cruel but fair, cruel but fair, cruel but fair-”

There was only one thought in her mind, "is this really going to be the end of me?”

That was when Toby stepped in.

“Sir! Don’t punish my teammates for what I did. They both wanted to kill her but I suggested bringing her to you! I figured she…that she could be useful, maybe. Even if you just let her go, sir.”

That’s when Tabby stepped in.

“Now wait a minute! If anyone should be killed it’s me!”

She quickly turned to the being.

“Sir with all due respect, I should be killed. I was the one who made the stupid decision to run away from home. I was stupid enough to stumble upon them doing their job. I never should have ran away in the first place. I was stupid enough to not run away from what I stumbled upon when I had the chance”

she said more quietly, “sir please don’t punish them for my own stupidity. It should be me and me alone. I’ll take the full blow if I must and even if it includes death”, she looked down.

Toby looked at her in shock, hoodie sucked in a breath, and Masky sighed, facepalmed and shook his head.

She realized her mistake but it was too late to take it back. The damage was done. She was sure for certain now that she’ll definitely be killed now. She waited for the consequence.

“Silence.”, The figure said, waving his tentacles threateningly.

"I hold these men to a higher standard than mere humans. However…“, The being cocked his head. "I’ll admit that usually the humans brought before me simply beg for their life. You did not, which…amuses me.”

“Oh…yeah I forgot about my own life for a minute there…uh….spare me? Please?”, she said awkwardly not really putting much effort into it.

Toby perked up. She might just be spared.

“You simply were at the wrong place at the wrong time. Normally, I would have you slaughtered anyways.”, the being paused.

The proxies remained kneeling. The Slenderman seemed to settle.

“Since you have amused me, I’ll put your fate in your own hands. You can choose to die, in which case I shall send you out with either Knot or Paene.”, he gestured to the two proxies in the pearly masks, “Or, you could stay here, and see what we can make of you.”

“You mean if I choose to stay I can live and eventually get my revenge and a new life?”, she asked in disbelief.

She thought about it, “but if I stay I’ll never see my mother or little brother again…” she then remembered that her mother and little brother were treated better than her. He would never beat them, only her.

"They don’t really need me…and I have nothing else to lose… and I have been asking for a second chance at life since I was 12…“

She looked at the being making her final decision. As she said something that she didn’t believe, "I want to stay”. Meaning that she wants to live.

"Very well.“, the powerful being said, and offered her his hand to shake. He could sense something in her that was…darker.

Tabby gave him a firm handshake with her right hand to seal the deal.

"You may stay with either Masky, Hoodie, or Toby.”, the being said.

"I’ll stay with Toby", she quickly looked down. Her chances of surviving would greatly increase if she stuck to him for now. Besides he was nice to her and spared her life so she kinda owes him.

Once she proved herself useful, she could have her own home. Until then, she needed a mentor and someone who could explain the new life she was given. The being nodded to Knot and Paene to show the group out. He actually had some business to attend to with Masky and Masky only, and it involved the files he had brought to him. The Slenderman nodded, and sent her, Hoodie, and Toby out while he spoke with Masky privately. Toby was happy to at least be able to help her adjust. He hoped she’d be able to make the cut. Even though he was new, he was still a decent proxy meaning the apartment he had had two rooms and enough space for them to live comfortably. Jane was their neighbor along with a few others Toby had never met. Tabby followed Toby closely; she was careful not to stare as she was Generally polite for the most part. She saw a doctor with stitches going across her. She made damn sure to avoid her since she didn’t like doctors. She saw an eccentric child playing with LJ, the Doll maker and Jason the toy maker. She saw two boys arguing with each other that reminded her of an old married couple.

Toby was thinking.

“We can get Jane to make you a mask.”, he said, “I think you might like her."

Tabby looked offended, "what’s wrong with my face? Is it because of my eyes?”.

She did have unnaturally wide eyes. She often got picked on for them. People called her wide-eyed, bugsy, googly eyes ect…

“No, no it’s nothing to do with your face!”, Toby assured her, “It’s just that people like us wear masks. It’s kind of like our new identity. But any face covering works, really.”

They passed a haggard, tall, skeletal thing with long tangled black hair. The creature’s limbs were covered with dirt, mud, blood, and other…things. It watched Toby and Tabby continue on, mouth ripped open and hanging near its collar bone. It stared with its yellow blank stare. They passed a tall man with broad shoulders, very attractive and charming-looking. He was holding a cat in his arms. He looked relatively normal. They finally made it to Toby’s apartment building.

She looked at the apartment complex, “it’s a lot nicer than my old apartment…”

She didn’t look at the other people as she didn’t want others to kill her. He led her into the lobby. The lobby was empty, save for a lady at the front desk. She looked normal, save for the fact she had no eyes and her mouth was stitched shut. She was doing paperwork. Toby didn’t seem to mind.

“Come on!”, He said, a little excited to show her where she’d be staying.

Tabby gave him a small smile and let him lead the way. Toby let her into his apartment. It was oddly clean despite being lived in by an 18 year old boy. The blinds were open. There were a few dishes on the sink but nothing too unclean. The walls were a light green with dark brown trim. It was a decent place. A little cat slept peacefully on the couch. It was quiet besides the humming.

“Your room will be the door right next to the hall closet.”, he stated, “My room is locked, so don’t worry about getting into the wrong room.”

She nodded in understanding as she took in her surroundings. She dropped her backpack in a corner and slowly walked up to the cat cooing at it. Not daring to touch it until she gained its trust but it’s evident that she has a soft spot for cats.

“Your apartment is nice and it’s relatively clean…I always had to play Cinderella at my old apartment”, said Tabby.

Toby smiled.

“I just like being in clean spaces.”, he said, not wanting to get into the reasons for that.

He introduced the cat to her. The cat’s name was Nugget.

“She was a stray. I found her beating the crap out of some raccoon so I took her in. She’s a real big baby.”

Nugget remained asleep, obviously unbothered by Tabby’s presence.

She nodded, “so do I. I have Bad OCD”, she left it at that not wanting to get into the reasons for that.

"Nugget is really cute. I love cats"

“Well, lucky for you, Nugget loves sleeping in your room so you may wake up and find her next to you.”, Toby said with a smile, “I’ll give you some time to settle in.”.

“Okay” she picked her back pack up and went to her room.

It looked the same as the rest of the place with the same colors just smaller. There was already another bed with a small bedside table and a small dresser with a mirror on it. She unpacked. She only had a week’s worth of clothes for summer and winter and like 3 pairs of pjs. She put socks and underwear in one drawer, shirts in the next, pants in the next and then pjs in the next. She hung up the plain pale blue long sleeved dress that she had in the closet. She put her hygiene products and feminine products in her closet. Lastly she took out the two pictures that she had and put them on the nightstand. And she took out a couple of sketches that her best friend Autumn made for her. They were both of Tabby in different poses. She laid them on the bed. The bed was bare as there was no bedding on it. She’ll buy frames for her pictures and bedding for her bed once she got money. She’ll ask later if she could hang stuff up on the wall.

Toby busied himself while she got settled into her new room. He had done the dishes from what he had managed to eat that day and checked on the food he had. He was running low, but thankfully he’d soon be paid for the mission with a bonus, as he was now training someone. Proxies got paid per mission, though it was always possible to get money on the side. The longer and more complex the mission, the more pay you’d get for it. Toby had finished cleaning up his mess in the kitchen and was looking over his mission schedule for that week. He had given Jane a call to let her know her services would soon be needed. He figured that a friendly female presence would help Tabby adjust to this place, and he knew the moment she had her mask was the moment she could go around The Pocket safely. Jane would make it to her liking. Toby knew that while he’d be the primary mentor, there were things he could not teach her and would need help with. He also knew that he needed to explain the rules.

She sat on the bed and looked into the mirror and took a good long look at her reflection and took the time to process tonight’s events. How fucking quickly her life changed from running away to becoming a proxy.

“Wtf actually happened? How did I survive this?”, she said out loud to herself.

Toby knew his schedule was clear the next day. That would be good. He figured that they soon would need to get something to eat but Toby didn’t feel it was a good idea for Tabby to go out too far without a mask. Not wearing a mask made you a target for the malus population, or even sometimes higher ranked monsters or other proxies. It was deemed unacceptable to not wear one unless on a stealth mission. Thankfully Tabby has bad social anxiety so it’s unlikely that she’ll ever venture out by herself. If anything she’ll venture out if she had too only with another person with her. Toby knew that she would have to make friends to survive for long here. It was always best to have someone in your corner unless things went to crap. Thankfully Toby knew some decent people who could definitely help her out of her shell a tad and also would be loyal. She decided to leave Toby alone for now since she didn’t want to get in his way and bother him. He knew where to get her if he needed her. She just flopped on the bed staring up at the ceiling. It’s insomnia week so she’s not going to sleep for a couple of days. Her anxiety died down and the adrenaline wore off.

She talked quietly out loud to herself, “Alrighty ground rules. Don’t speak unless spoken too. Only make eye contact for a little bit when someone is talking to you. Always be polite and respectful, fight if you have too, just keep your head low, stay out of the way and if someone asks you to do something quickly, quietly and efficiently”.

She nodded as she agreed with the rules that she made for herself. She gave herself a little pep talk.

“I survived Rosewood for the last 8 years. I can survive here. This is no different from Rosewood only the steaks are higher. I can live with that. I’m sure there’s a weapon store somewhere here. I can buy some weapons to defend myself with when I absolutely have to go alone”. She took a deep breath “I’m finally going to do it Autumn…I’m going to avenge you and the others….just hold on”

Toby knocked on her door, and let her know he was going out for groceries. He told her Jane would be over in about fifteen minutes to start working on a mask with her and asked her if she needed anything. He was planning on just making some simple food for dinner. Jane was a very talented mask maker, and Toby knew that she would do a good job with Tabby’s. Toby had a bit of a flashback. When he was new, still slightly burned and bruised from the fire, he was sitting down on some stone steps outside a building and he was crying. He remembered feeling a tap on his shoulder and seeing Jane sitting next to him. She was ranked lower than he was, she had explained, so he could feel assured she wouldn’t hurt him. He remembered her taking him back to her apartment and making him some food before showing him where he was supposed to go. Jane was an incredibly sweet person and was able to make people just open up to her. She did a lot of espionage missions and did a lot of work with stealth.

Tabby opened up the door and nodded.

“Do you think you can buy my two frames? About an 8 x 9? And at least two knives for me to defend myself when I absolutely have to go alone? And some bedding too?”, she added quickly, “if you don’t want too that’s fine! I can wait until I get my own money! I don’t need anything fancy! Just something sturdy and simple. And something warm. I don’t want to be a burden on you. I can take care of myself! I don’t want you to think I’m trying to take advantage of you! I’m actually really grateful!”, she babbled on as she fidgeted with the bottom of her shirt and looked down prepared for the harsh comeback.

“It’s okay! I can get that for you. Any specific colors you want for the bedding and the frames or should I just get stuff that matches the room?”, Toby asked.

He had no problem providing her with stuff. She was a guest in his home and he would be a bad host if he didn’t help her out. Plus she was in a new world with new rules that probably seemed a bit hellish. If he could help in any way he would be happy to.

“Oh, and I’m grilling some chicken and making some salad for dinner. Is that okay or do you want me to bring you back something?”, he asked.

“Teal…I like the color teal…it’s my favorite… as for the frames just simple black ones will do. No need to be fancy.”, she added quietly.

She listened to him when he said what he was making for dinner, “That’s fine I’m not a picky eater. but I have to watch you make it because I don’t trust anyone to make my food unless I’m watching or if I’m making it myself. It could be poisoned. No offense to you".

It was common knowledge at Rosewood that you don’t eat the school food as everyone’s caught Horatio poisoning the food more times than not. So everyone brought their own lunch and the kitchen shut down.

“Okay, that’s fine with me.”, Toby assured her, “You can even help me cook it if you want.”.

He understood. When he first got to the Pocket he was given to an older proxy to be trained to who called himself Demitrius. Toby had been training with a girl named Farrah. Demitrius despised them. He was so awful to them, which they both had to take as they were new. Then they had both started getting sicker and sicker. Farrah had found out that they were slowly being poisoned so they were both moved to different mentors. He didn’t feel like explaining that however.

“I’ll make sure I’ll get you what you need, okay?”, said Toby.

She nodded as she sounded relieved, "Okay. I’m pretty good in the kitchen myself”.

As she’s always had to cook dinner for the 5 of them, the people she lived with. On top of her working at the This or That restaurant.

“Okay thank you”, she ventured out to the living room as she sat down on the edge of the couch since he mentioned that a girl named Jane was coming over soon.

“Okay, I’ll see you.”, Toby said with a smile. He turned and left the apartment with a list.

Soon enough, the door slid open. The woman from earlier came into the apartment. She was tall, and wearing a very pretty painted mask and a wig. She had changed from the dress from earlier into a long sleeved t shirt and jeans.

“Hey hon! I’m Jane.”, the woman said with a kind voice.

She quickly looked up at her, “hello my name is Tabby”, she quickly looked back down again as she was fidgeting with her shirt again. She was covered in bruises and scars old and new. And her bandaged left hand was obvious.

She stood up trying to be a good hostess, “would you like anything to drink? I’m sure we only have water here for now”.

Jane smiled and shook her head.

“No thank you, I’m good.”, she said.

Jane noted her bruises, scars, and her hand. She gave her a smile.

“I was asked to come here to discuss the type of mask you would like.”, she said tentatively.

“Hmm…I don’t want anything too fancy as I don’t want to drag attention to myself more than I already will since I’m fresh meat…and something of a teal color”, she was thinking as she made room for Jane to sit if she wanted to.

Jane sat next to her with a smile, “Hm, teal, that would look nice. You won’t be fresh meat for long, but I understand wanting a plain mask. Maybe a golden design over the teal? That could look very pretty.”

Tabby nodded excitedly, “yeah! Like golden spirals in different directions”

Jane nodded, “That could be pretty.”, she sketched out a tentative design and showed it to her.

“Yeah…”, she just stared for a couple of minutes as she was having a flashback to when Autumn was alive. She was the artistic one in the group. And was also her best friend/big sister. She was always showing Tabby her sketches.

She shook her head to clear away the memories.

“Like that”, she confirmed.

“Okay! Anything else? Would you like me to paint the lips, add any engravings, stuff like that?”, Jane asked.

She remembered one older proxy, about 40, who had lost his entire group in one mission. He had come to her and had her engrave their names on one side of his mask.

She hesitated for a minute, “could you engrave 14 names in the inside of the mask? And paint the lips black please?”.

“Okay, lips black. Can you write out the names please?”, Jane asked, handing her the sketchbook and a pencil. She would be more than happy to.

Tabby took her sketch book and wrote down the names ‘autumn, ora, Emma, heath, Gavin, Donny, Rebecca, Mitchell, Morgan, jewel, Julie, Caleb, Riley, Emmy, and Daniel’. She handed back the sketch book.

“Okay. I’ll carve them on the inside of the mask.”, She said.

She figured those names carried sentimental value to Tabby.

Tabby looked up, “thank you”, and she looked down.

Jane nodded, “I’ll have it done by either tomorrow or the next day, okay?”.

Tabby nodded, “yes that’s fine. Take all the time you need. I don’t plan on going out anytime soon”.

“Of course. I’ll get it ready.”.

“Okay then”, Tabby wasn’t really good at holding up conversations as she never really got too much socializing. Especially if it’s a stranger.

Jane smiled.

“Would you like me to leave, or would you feel more comfortable with someone else in the apartment?”, Jane asked with a smile.

“Oh you can stay if you want if you’re not busy”, she won’t admit it but she didn’t want to be alone in this strange new world just yet.

"I’m not all that busy. If I could bring some of my mask making stuff over here that would be great.“, Jane said. She understood

"Yeah that’s fine. I’m sure Toby won’t mind as long as there’s no mess afterwards”.

"Oh I won’t make a mess.“, Jane said peacefully. She said she would be very fast.

”Unbelievable“, she said in thought, ”I’m talking to a killer…I’m having an ally ship with two of them so far“, she shook her head, "my life really did take a drastic change”

Jane went to her apartment and soon came back with all her supplies. She could get three of her orders done if she worked fast. Jane began to chat with Tabby as she set up.

“So Tabby, you’re very new, hm?”.

“Yeah my life turned into this in one night. I was honestly not expecting this to happen. Originally I was running away”, admitted Tabby.

Jane nodded. She understood. She began making the mold for one of the masks.

“I understand. But this will be a pleasant change, you’ll see.”, Jane promised, “Revenge and whatnot is quite exhilarating”.

She shook her head slowly, "I hope so. I’m just doing it because I know I can’t die and go with my friends without avenging them while he is still out on the streets and in school. Someone else will suffer at his hands and I’ll be damned if someone else has to suffer by the hands of him like I did”, she said quietly.

“I think I know who you’re talking about.”, Jane said, “And…if it’s any consolation at all, ghosts do exist and several of them have contact with other dead folks. There may be a way to talk to your friends, albeit temporarily.”, She set the mask cast to dry and made another one.

“There’s only one I would like to talk to one last time. I owe her everything after all she did for me”, she said quietly. She then changed the subject.

“Toby said that you also went to Rosewood Prep”.

“He’s right. I used to. I still have human contacts in there.”, Jane said. She set a fan on the first mask as she finished the second one.

“So how long ago was that? What was it like? Was it still the same students who were just as corrupt as the teachers? Was it like the hunger games where you had to be on guard and fight every day to survive only with more rules and regulations? What horror stories do you have of that place?”, she asked excitedly. She never met anyone who lived long enough to get out of Rosewood. Normally the people who do got the fuck out the first chance they got and were never really heard from ever again.

“I was there two years ago, actually. I’m still pretty new here myself. I…I have a lot of stories.”, Jane said.

She shifted anxiously, “I once got caught stealing food from the kitchen, and they locked me in the sports shed for almost a week. They poured water on the ground for me every day and I had to lick it up from the ground. Teachers would have favorite kids and that would keep them out of trouble. Rich kids were treated much better. Anyone who made lower than a C on anything was punished. Sometimes they would lock kids who were hallucinating in the upstairs bathroom and just leave them there. I have so many.”

“Horatio Galloway” Tabby’s face paled and her eyes were wide in fear, “most of my horror stories had to do with him” “rarely did I ever get into trouble with the teachers. I was always a straight A student. It’s only when I got into trouble for skipping classes because of Horatio”.

“I think I remember him.”, Jane said, “I didn’t get in as much trouble with him ever. I did okay in my schooling but I was rebellious.”. Jane set the second mask to the side, and started on another.

“It was probably a good thing that you’ve gotten punished for stealing the food. It was probably poisoned by him. I’d rather be locked in the sports shed than have a slow death”, pointed out Tabby.

“It was before the food was prepared. I wasn’t stupid. I took fruits and veggies and unopened pre packaged things. They were denying a friend of mine food. I got caught after she got to eat.”, Jane spoke with some pride.

“Good for you”, Tabby said proudly.

Tabby then looked down and her voice quivered, “then you must be aware of the Rosewood massacre that happened a month back”, She rubbed her left hand.

Jane’s eyes darkened, “I heard rumors about the massacre but don’t know the details. Several of my friends are still there…”.

“I can tell you the real full story. The massacre as they called it really did happen. I saw it with my own eyes but being the person that Horatio is he made damn sure that I couldn’t do a damn thing about it”, she gave a bitter laugh, ”always had it out for me since day 1".

Jane looked sadly at her.

“I’m so sorry you had to be there.”, Jane said softly she began to paint the first mask, a pretty lavender mask, “Talk about it only if you would like to.”

She sighed and thought about it for a while. She’s never talked to anyone about this.

“It…was homecoming…you know at Rosewood how each homecoming is a different theme every year. This year was carnival themed. Which I don’t like as it is because I have a severe distrust of clowns. Too many horror movies growing up you know? Anyways my mom decided to let me go to the event and she and my grandmother came with me. That was the catch. Horacio was standing at the entrance dressed as the ringleader handing out pink candies that were laced with LSD to everyone. You should know at Rosewood it is common knowledge that you do not take anything that Horacio gives you. Whatever it may be. I didn’t take the candy because I knew better. I tried warning my mom and grandmother about it but they wouldn’t listen. I was too smart for his bullshit but not smart enough. I couldn’t find my friend group anywhere. But I knew that they were here so I didn’t worry about it too much and I’ll find them later. So I got to the seats and watched the show which was quite boring since I wasn’t hallucinating from the candy. But the last act though. It was outside. I saw all my friends lined up on the rooftop of the school and it’s a fucking tall building. while everyone was thinking that they were doing some acrobatic tricks i watched them jump to their deaths one by one….i was screaming and crying begging someone to help but all ignored me and i couldn’t shout because they were too far up hear me and I couldn’t break into the school either. i couldn’t do anything. later on the LSD wore off and they were mortified to find the 14 dead bodies. all confused on how it happened. So they deemed it the Rosewood Massacre. After the show was over I confronted Horacio about what he did. I attacked him to strangle him. My goal was to kill him. but the problem was that we’re too evenly matched with each other. in strength and intelligence so it turned out to be a fist fight. we did a good amount of damage to each other. until he caught one of my punches and shoved my fist through a closed window shattering the window and every bone in my hand. i had to get the glass surgically removed as it was deep in the tissue so i can’t feel a thing in my hand anymore and they had to set my hand for the broken bones to heal. But since doctors refused to do their jobs correctly they set it wrong so it healed wrong and now my hand is paralyzed. he took everything away from me! My family! My home! My motivation to live then! and my hand!”, she was more hurt than angry.

Tabby quickly looked away to recompose herself, “I’m sorry for the sudden outburst. I never talked about that day since to anyone before”.

“I understand.” ,Jane said softly. She had been letting the lavender mask dry so she could paint flowers on it and had been working on the second one, listening to the subject.

“I’m so sorry.”, Jane said softly, “I understand what it’s like to lose everyone. A lot of the teachers at that school were just plain cruel, and I still don’t know how and why the human government hasn’t shut down that institution or why parents won’t stop sending their children there. No one deserves to lose people the way you did."

"That’s because the shit they do there is unbelievable. No one would believe them if others heard their stories. I don’t know about your parents but mine didn’t believe me either and neither did my therapists”, explained Tabby.

The second mask was a half white and half black one.

“We can get you an appointment with the Puppeteer perhaps. He can just drain your sadness away.” The Puppeteer was highly sought after for his empath abilities. It comes back after a while unless he numbs your memory, but it’s nice to feel peace just for a little while.“

She shook her no.

"No thank you. I don’t like my mind being tampered with. I’ve been through 7 psychologists. I don’t need anyone else. My sadness, anger and grief is my motivation to put Horacio Down once and for all. I can have peace of mind after that”, said Tabby.

“I understand. He doesn’t tamper with your mind though. He feeds in negative emotions so you can at least get a bit of sleep and have a moment where everything feels okay. And you’re right. My parents didn’t believe me either. All my letters were monitored as I lived in the boarding section.”, Jane said, “My parents didn’t believe in therapy, so.”

She finished up the first mask. It looked lovely and glossy.

“As much as that sounds nice. I can’t sleep even if I wanted too. I have insomnia and narcolepsy. So it’s a hit or miss”, explained Tabby. “I’ve heard horror stories about the boarding section. I guess I was considered lucky enough to be able to go back to the place where I lived”.

“Oh, he can deal with that too.”, Jane said, “He’s honestly a blessing. And yeah. The boarding rooms were awful.”, She didn’t want to go into too much detail.

"Maybe I’ll think about it" , she nodded in understanding. She learned in order to keep a friend you don’t push boundaries and you don’t ask too many questions.

“So Tabby. What do you do for fun?”, asked Jane, changing the subject.

“Fun?” she asked, confused. She had to sneak around after school or at night in order to have some fun as her step dad was a cruel and strict man.

“I normally like to read and write, have time to myself to philosophize. I liked to hang out with my friends whenever I could. Listen to music”, Tabby finally said.

"Ah, I see.” Jane said. “Those are fun hobbies. What do you like to write?” She asked. She had stenciled out a white design for the black side of the mask and mirrored that design in black for the white side. The third mask was hardening.

“I like to write fiction. Darkly realistic fiction. Sometimes free verse poetry”, Tabby said.

“Oh, that seems fun.” Jane said, continuing her work on the masks. She checked the little black clock up on the wall. “Toby will be home soon.”

“Yeah. Although I left all my written works back at Rosewood. I didn’t think to bring them back to the place where I lived. I didn’t exactly plan on running away. It was a spur of the moment type thing you know?”, she nodded, “I’m not too worried about him. He seems like he’s the type that can handle himself”

“Ah, I understand. Maybe you could get Toby to get you some notebooks or something to write in.” Jane said. “And you’re right, he most definitely can. He’s pretty strong.”

“Maybe and that’s good I guess”

Jane finished up the second mask and began working on the third. She looked like she was thinking.

“Has Toby told you the rules yet?”, Jane asked.

She shook her head no, “I know that there are rules and guidelines. I figured I would ask him later when he got back”

"Ah. Well, if you’d like, I could start filling you in.” Jane offered.

“That would help out a lot. The more I know the less of a chance I have of being killed”, said Tabby.

“Okay. I’ll tell you a few of the official rules then.” Jane said, adjusting her position and making sure her mask was secure. “First of all, there is a hierarchy here that is absolutely set in stone. Since you’re a proxy, you’re lower in the hierarchy, but you are not the lowest of the low.”

“Sounds like my position in any life in general but okay what else?” She asked.

“It’s best to try to consort with your rank and above. So for you, that would be other proxies and monsters. The higher beings are not likely to befriend you so I wouldn’t bother.” Jane explained.

“So like you and Toby for example?”, asked Tabby.

"Not me, actually. Toby flaunts a few of the rules because he’s popular. I am actually one of the lowest in the hierarchy.” Jane said with an awkward nod. “It’s not like you’d be punished for speaking with me or anything like that. People would just look down their noses a bit at you.”

“That’s nothing new to me. I can live with that. Who would be my best chance to make an ally with, the higher proxies I mean?”

“Hm. If you want high-ranking proxies that are pretty friendly, then believe it or not, Masky would be your go to guy. If he’s not trying to kill you, he’s very pleasant. Clockwork is another proxy I would chat with if I were you. She runs that little bar a couple minutes from here. Kate’s not high ranking, but she can pull you a lot of favors because she knows people. There are a few monsters who don’t care too much about the hierarchy either.”

"He was trying to earlier. If it wasn’t for Toby I would mostly likely be dead in the woods. I’m avoiding him for a while. I could give Clockwork and Kate a chance once my social anxiety dies down and when I get the courage to go out on my own willingly. Anything else that I need to know?”

Jane nodded. “Yes. Relationships with humans that aren’t mission-related or cleared by your boss as allies is VERY against the rules. It will get you put down to my level.”

Tabby nodded slowly “well I’m too fucked up for a relationship. I’m sure no one would want me anyways…The man I loved is dead now. No one will replace him. So I can have allies but it has to be cleared by the boss first?”

“Yes. By allies I mean humans who are aware of our world and have chosen to side with us.” She was painting what looked like a galaxy on the third mask. And I would be careful. You may find someone and it may shock you. I didn’t expect-“ Jane stopped then continued painting in silence.

"You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. I’m not the one to push boundaries. And that makes sense. What else do I need to know?”, asked Tabby.

"Treat all gifts with suspicion. Even if they’re from people you know. There are a lot of backstabbers here.”

“I’m highly intuitive and I have serious trust issues. I don’t trust anybody or anything. Unless I see them making it or doing something with my own eyes. I’ve already came up with the conclusion that this is no different from Rosewood. Except the stakes are higher and I have more freedom for the most part. If we survived Rosewood for that long we can survive here”. What else?“

"You’ll find that this may be a bit tougher than Rosewood, mainly due to the missions. This is a very high stakes job. Many proxies die young. But it is also so rewarding too, really. Cause once you root yourself here, you’ve got some people that have your back.”

"Well then I guess I’ll have to do my best not to die. I’ll try to keep myself alive for as long as possible. Is there anyone I I shook steer clear away from? Like a red flag warning?”

“Jeff.” Jane said firmly. “Ignore him. Don’t do favors for him and don’t let him do favors for you. Ever.” Her hands remained steady even if she was freaking out.

“Is Jeff to you like Horacio was for me?” She asked quietly. “I’m good at ignoring people. I ignore people like they are the plague. I’m antisocial af”

“Well, he set me on fire and murdered my family in front of me, so yeah, I’d say so.” Jane said. She said it in a way to make it seem like it didn’t hurt her but it was easy to tell that it did.

“Horatio can’t get me here…can he?” Her voice quivered and her eyes were wide with fear.

“Horatio is just a measly little human.” Jane said. “After you’re trained and fully transformed, he won’t really be able to harm you on his own. You could absolutely humiliate him.

"But he’s always been 10 steps ahead of me…I couldn’t even get close enough to kill him and believe me I’ve tried countless times…what if he’s still 10 steps ahead of me after I transformed? All my efforts would be in vain”

“He won’t be. Like I said. He’s just a stupid human. You will be able to get rid of him with no sweat.”

She sighed the problem with Horatio was that she and him were too evenly matched. In intelligence and strength. She just uses her intelligence differently than he did.

“I’m sorry for what you went through…including the stuff with Rosewood. I really am. What else do I need to know?”, asked Tabby, changing the subject.

“It’s fine. I’m coping okay. You should probably know that the ghost community is a great community to be friends with.“ Jane admitted. "They’re everywhere and they can get into places for you.”

She nodded “I’ll try talking to them at some point”

"I can easily introduce you to almost anyone you’ll need to know. When you finish training, you’ll be put into a group.”

“What do you mean?”

“Proxies work in groups. Usually. You’ll be given missions to do either solo, with some members of your group, or your whole group. They will be the people you can trust most.”

She nodded in understanding “Toby said something earlier about disgraced proxies. What are those?”

"People like me. Other people call us honorary humans, or just disgraces. They are proxies or monsters who have broken some of the cardinal rules and were caught and punished for them.”

She nodded in understanding, taking in the information “is there anything else I should know?”

. “Not really much that I can think of right now.”

“Okay thank you for taking the time and effort to explain things to me. I’ll take your advice. I’ll ask Toby if there’s anything else I should know when he gets here and see what advice he has. I’d like to hear what he has to say”

"You should. I’m just telling you things I know from experience.“ Jane said. She heard footsteps outside the room.

Tabby froze as her ears picked up on the noise. She got defensive ready to attack or bolt. Toby, carrying everything he had bought at the grocery store in his arms and a basket. Jane got up to help him unload it all. Tabby sighed in relief and she got up to help too. Her mom made her carry 4-5 heavy bags in each hand every time they went grocery shopping. She may be small but she definitely has some lean muscle to her. She’s still useful despite her left hand. Toby thanked both of them. He set down the bags of food on the counter and handed the things that Tabby had specifically requested to her. Jane had gone to start packing up her stuff after putting some things away. She knew that she probably needed to go now. Tabby went to her room to put down the bags. She’ll take them out later once everything settles down. She went back out to help.

Jane pack up.

Jane pretty much had everything packed up and ready to go.

"I’ll swing by tomorrow with your mask.” She assured Tabby

“Okay. It was nice meeting you and having you here. It’s nice to know I’m not alone with Rosewood”

“You’re definitely not alone. If you need someone to talk with who’s not, well, a man-” Jane smiled a bit. “Then just give me a call or drop by. I literally live next door.”

She laughed. She gave herself a weird look. It was a sound that she hadn’t heard in a long time. She only reserved it for Adam or her friends. “Well that’s convenient then!”

Jane nodded and smiled. It was nice to hear her laugh. Toby’s voice came from the kitchen.

“Thanks for coming, Jane!” Jane smiled at Tabby and waved goodbye

Tabby gave a small wave goodbye. Jane left the apartment. Toby poked his head in and let Tabby know he was going to start cooking now if she felt she needed to make sure her food was safe. Tabby nodded and she went in to help cook the food while keeping a close eye on Toby to make sure he didn’t try anything with the food. Despite her hand she was actually very handy with a knife (cooking wise and also fighting wise). She was very fast and efficient in the kitchen. She was using her wrist to hold some of the vegetables in place as she cut them. On top of always cooking dinner at home for 5 people she also worked in a kitchen at a small restaurant afterschool. It got her out of the house for a while since she never wanted to go home. She only quit last month due to her hand. Honestly she would have become a chef if she never made the choice to come here. Toby made sure she saw and knew what was going on with the chicken he was cooking. If he added a spice, he told her what it was. He admired how skilled she was with a knife even though one of her hands was essentially crippled. He could tell she had experience. That was good to know. Most of the killers couldn’t cook. Jane always ended up burning everything so he always offered her food. The neighbors next door, however, were excellent cooks but since they were literally a family unit, Toby never really spoke to them. He knew that monsters and proxies would sometimes settle down and start families but he never really met them. Most families got moved to another part of town. But she was the type of person to go through with her choice when she made one whether it was good or bad. She would see it through to the bitter end crash and burn. That was the most dangerous thing about Tabby.

She liked how Toby respected her wishes and went out of his way to tell her what the spices were. She never really had a lot of respect in her life so it was a nice change. She liked how the moved well together in the kitchen. It almost reminded her of those types of families she saw on tv that the husband and wife would help each other in the kitchen. The thought made her look down and blush a little.

Moving on. She was thinking about the irony of her situation. She hated all adults she didn’t know in general specifically males in particular. And here she was living with an adult serial killer and a Male nevertheless. The situation made her burst out laughing out of nowhere.

"Jesus…unbelievable…“, she said, wheezing for breath.

Toby glanced over at her.

"Hey, you okay?” He asked.

He had ticked a bit in the middle of the “okay” but it hadn’t really affected his speech. He figured she might have gotten herself with the knife a bit. But then why would she be laughing? Hm. The chicken was almost done. After dinner he would go out to check his mail to make absolutely sure he had no bills to pay or no missions he had neglected to see. He could hear faintly next door a baby crying. He heard footsteps, a small creaking sound, and some shushing. Soon the baby quieted. Toby smiled to himself. The people next door never let their baby cry for too long. They were very considerate neighbors.

She calmed down a little bit, wiping her tears away from laughing as she was still giggling.

“I’m fine. I’m not hurt. Even if I did get myself with the knife I wouldn’t feel it because I used to work in a kitchen so my hands are pretty calloused”.

She showed him her left arm that had a crescent shaped burn mark on her bicep.

“That’s from work. I didn’t realize it until two hours later when my arm was feeling irritated. So I looked down and saw a burn mark about 2 inches and a half in diameter. It eventually died down and became this. I was laughing because I realized the irony of my situation. You see I never really trusted adults in general. They don’t do their jobs protecting their own kids. But if you’re male you have a higher chance of me not trusting you. And here I am living with a technical adult male serial killer! I don’t think you understand. I went against everything I knew and believed in one night. I took a leap of faith and I don’t do that for just anyone so you better feel special”, Tabby explained.

She smiled and shook her head, "my life really did take a drastic turn of events”.

Toby nodded. He understood. He offered her a small smile.

“Well, I’m glad you did decide to take a leap of faith.” He said earnestly.

He plated up the chicken, then asked if she needed help with finishing up the salads. He heard faint music from Jane’s apartment. The baby next door didn’t start crying again. It was, for once, pretty peaceful. It was impossible to hear outside while the windows were closed, but if they were open it would be highly probable they would hear screaming.

She shook her head no, “the salad will be done in a few minutes. I just needed to put the vegetables in and toss it” she did that and tossed it using a chef’s flip without utensils mixing it good. The salad is done”.

She plated the salad on both of their plates. She sat down and waited for him to sit to begin eating. Toby sat across from her with his plate. He was starving. He had gotten himself a knife and fork, and had gotten some for Tabby as well. He asked her if she wanted anything to drink. He had water, soda, and juice. No milk. He was lactose intolerant.

“I would like some water please”

Her expression changed to a more serious one as she was going to get down to serious business.

“So Jane told me the basics of the rules. Like how there is a hierarchy. We’re proxies so we’re low but not the lowest of the low. How ally ships between us and humans and humans not from here are strictly prohibited. It’s best to have a few higher up proxies as allies. And that I should stay away from Jeff” “but I want to hear what you have to say. Like anything else I should really know? Anyone I should stay clear away from?”

Toby went up to get them both some water.

“She’s right. She covered almost everything. Especially about Jeff, though if you get on his good side he can teach you some pretty cool stuff. I think it’s important to know higher being politics as well. Proxies have a specific boss. Monsters can serve whoever they want and do jobs for whoever. But it’s important to know which higher being hates who, because sometimes they will act out against the proxies that serve that higher being.”

She nodded slowly in understanding “I’m fairly observant so I’m sure I’ll pick up a few things on higher being politics here”.

“Is there anyone who you think I should stay away from personally?” She said in between bites. She was scarfing down her food like she wouldn’t see food again. She didn’t eat much in general for the last 8 years due to Rosewood. You had to bring your own lunch and her family was too poor to buy extra food. So she ate dinner at home and that was the only meal she would eat. They barely had enough food for the month while struggling for rent. Although when she was very young she could eat like a champ. For the last 3 months when her step dad came up with the cruel and unusual punishment for her to eat nothing but rice. But she got sick of it and she either stole a little bit of food from the stores when her mom used to send her out or Autumn was very generous and brought her some food for her own house.

"I’m also not too fond of Jeff. But I also wouldn’t trust LJ either. But he’s friends with BEN and The Puppeteer so you can’t really avoid him.“ The ghost community was super tight.

"Is there enough for seconds?”, she asked.

"Yeah. There’s enough for seconds if you’d like.“

"I don’t trust clowns either. I watched too many horror movies as a child you know? But I’ll be wary and cautious like I usually am with everyone and everything else” she got up for seconds and scarfed down her second and third plate. It wasn’t until her fourth plate when she stopped.

By then the entire thing of food Toby had cooked was gone. He didn’t mind one bit however. He got up to do the dishes.

“Yeah, don’t trust clowns. They aren’t…they aren’t all that great. Especially here.”

“They’re never in general”. She went to help with the dishes while drying them.

“Thank you” she said quietly after a period of silence.

“No problem.” Toby said with a smile. He helped put the dishes away after they were finished. He heard a meow and saw Nugget plodding towards them.

Tabby’s face lit up as she started cooing at the cat and kneeled down to pet Nugget. She sucked in a breath at the pain of her bruises. She started petting the cat affectionately.

Nugget purred and pressed her body up against Tabby, her tail indicating that she was pleased with this. Toby smiled.

“I think there’s a scrap of chicken on the table. Hold on.”

“I mean if you give it food you have a higher chance of befriending the animal. It works with me”

Toby laughed and picked up some scraps of chicken from the counter. He offered them to Tabby so she could feed the cat. Tabby took some. She ate a piece herself and feed the rest of the scraps to Nugget one by one. Nugget seemed to enjoy the chicken. Her purring was very loud as she ate it. Toby watched from afar with a smile.

"Is there a library around here?”

“Yeah, there is. I could take you there.” Toby offered.

“Good. If you’re not busy tomorrow that is. I would much rather have someone to come with me to show me around and I’m not taking the chance of dying on my first day out since I’m fresh meat as it is so curious about the new girl that it is inevitable to say the least. Two is better than one. "I would also like to get books on this place and plants and stuff so I can have a lesser chance of dying and not being afraid. A wise man once told me that you can’t be afraid of something that you understand. Like being afraid of the dark for example” she babbled.

“Sure thing.” Toby said, “I don’t have any missions tomorrow and your training schedule hasn’t been sent yet. Books will be good and all but talking to other people about stuff here will make it much easier to learn. Like, you can read all you’d like about the poison daisy, but field experience with someone who knows much more about it will be helpful. Also, we still have to teach you how to fight properly and other things that will make you more successful. It will come much easier to you once you fully transform though.”

"Okay. And I know that there’s only something you can learn from experience. I just want to learn all I can from books first. The rest I’ll ask around and experience for myself and what do you mean “properly”? Are you saying I can’t fight. I may be crippled but that doesn’t mean I can’t kick some ass one handedly! I’ll have you know I’ve gotten into a lot of fights and I’ve won the majority of them. Well despite getting my ass kicked many times before…“

"I understand.” Toby said to her first comment. He wanted her to learn as much as she could from books first too, it would keep her from being gullible and from getting hurt badly.

“I’m not saying you can’t fight, I’m saying that you’re living with people who fight and hurt for a living. You’ve won fights, sure, but that’s against humans.” Toby finished cleaning up the rest of the kitchen. “It isn’t a smart idea to overestimate your own abilities here. Really. The people here are stronger than humans, are faster than humans, can take more damage than humans, some have literal magic powers, or extra limbs, or whatever. ”

She sighed in defeat.

“That’s true. This isn’t Rosewood. I’m not up against people my own age who are equal in intelligence and strength and skills. This isn’t my territory. But I’ll adapt and overcome like everything else in my life so far. I’m a quick learner. Just one day at a time that’s all”, said Tabby tiredly.

“I know. That will help you live.” Toby said. He sighed, then smiled.

"Don’t worry. We can train you. We can also get the WPA to train you so you’re specialized if you want.“ Toby said.

"What’s WPA?” She asked, tilting her head to the side.

"The Women’s Proxy Association.“ Toby said. "They’re a group of specialized fighters that ensure the training of female proxies. They’re bad asses. They’re kind of like Amazons, if you want the human equivalent.”

"Oh…that sounds like something I’d be interested in…” she was still tilting her head but smiled up at him.

“Oh and another thing. If we’re going to be living together for a while we need to establish ground rules. I only have two. One, please don’t lie to me. I give you the common courtesy to give honest information. I would also like to be hurt with the truth instead of living a lie. If we’re going to be working together in some way we’re going to need some form of honest communication. Two, please don’t fight my battles for me. I don’t like other people suffering from my own stupidity and I know in this society that’s just the way shit goes around here but I’ll do my best to minimize that when someone’s with me. I can and will take care of myself. If someone has a problem with me it’s with me alone and nobody else okay? Does that sound reasonable to you?”.

Toby nodded. “Yeah. That sounds good. I don’t really have any ground rules for myself at the moment, but I’ll let you know.

He was pretty honest for a proxy, and while he wasn’t the type to let people he cared for get beat up, he understood how she would want to stand up for herself. It was good she had that drive to stick up for herself. Proxies who didn’t have that usually ended up dead.

"So what do you want to do now?”, Tabby asked.

"Well, seeing is it’s kinda late, we should probably get some sleep.“ Toby said. "Well, you should. I have another small mission tonight but it shouldn’t take too long.”

"Ah well you see I have insomnia…and narcolepsy so I don’t ever get enough sleep. This is a week and a half of no sleep. But I’ll be here when you get back. Try not to die okay?“ She gave him a small smile. Which was code for 'be careful I care somewhat’.

"I won’t, it’s a fairly riskless mission.” Toby assured her. It really wasn’t too bad of a mission. “It’s just a delivery.” Toby got up to leave. “There’s sleeping pills in the hall closet if you’d like. They’ve got the power of like, horse tranquilizers.”

“Alright I’ll think about it and I’ll see you later”

“Alright, I’ll see you.” Toby soon left.

Tabby went to her room to unpack the bags that Toby had bought her. She took out the frames and gently slid both pictures into their frames and set them on her night stand. She took out the two knives and positioned them like she was about to get into a fight. They were good for defense. Tabby took out the bedding; it was a soft patchwork blanket with a teal color scheme and pillows to match. She positioned them just how she liked them. She decided to not hang up Autumn’s artwork so she put them in her nightstand and deemed that it would be private and personal.

Toby slipped through the shadows, the package in hand. He realized the quickest route would be through monster’s only territory, but as long as he wasn’t caught he would be fine. He darted through the trees, paying close attention to any noise he would hear. He eventually managed to pass through it unharmed, which made the bulk of his journey a lot easier.

She stepped back until she was near the door to take a look at her room. It was simple and basic but you could tell that it was her room. Then she came across the dawning realization “like it or not this is home now”. Home. That was a place she hasn’t had in a long time. Sure she lived with her mother and two brothers and her step dad. But it wasn’t considered home or a family. Tabby knew that a home is where you feel safe and you belong and a family accepts you for you broken or not. Tabby shook her head.

“This isn’t home. I mean I’m living in this world now so I guess this world is my home now but this place isn’t. It’s not my territory and I barely even know him” she talked out loud to herself.

Toby walked down streets that were covered in multicolor slick, which was essentially the water in this dimension. He carried the package in his gloved hands. Even through his mask, he could smell something cooking. He knocked on a heavy dark door. It swung open almost immediately. He gritted his teeth as cigarette smoke permeated the air. It reeked. The man standing before him was tall, and horrendously burned. The tales told about him said that his skin had been bleached, and that was partially the case. However most of his skin was mottled and scarred with varying shades of red. His face was barely distinguishable as a face. The eyes were sunken and shriveled. The nose was covered in scars. His mouth was clumsily cut into a wide, oozing grin. The man seemed to sniff the air. He clicked his tongue.

“Ah. Twinkle Toes. Nice to…hehe… see you."

"Hey Jeff.” Toby said uncomfortably. “Is Barb here? She told me to bring her this.” He held up the small package. Jeff clicked his tongue again. He felt the package with his marred hand while seeming to stare directly at Toby.

“Yeah, Barb’s here. You can come in.”

Her eyes widened in paranoia as that was kicking in now ”how much did I tell him really? He isn’t stupid so I’m sure he picked up on more than what I told him…wait let’s see…I told him about my insomnia, narcolepsy, anxiety and OCD, I told him about Rosewood, I told him about Horacio, he already figured out I came from an abusive home…“, she counted on her fingers. Several things. Not bad. Nothing too personal, just observations and bare basic surface. She sighed in relief. But her paranoia was still there ”why did he spare my life? Me out of everyone else that could have stumbled across tonight? On top of that, why is he so nice? I mean I appreciate it but No one is this nice for free. Accept for Autumn but we were kids then and we didn’t really know anything. What if he’s trying to gain my trust just to catch me off guard to kill me later? Especially in my sleep…what if he has other motives? I can’t trust him nor am I going too. I’ll work well with him and I’ll be nice and kind back because it’s right. But trust seems to be a long shot…“, she rubbed the bridge of her nose like she had a headache. She hated when her paranoia showed up. "Goddamn Rosewood” she muttered to herself. She got out of her room to pace around the apartment to think out loud.

“However he did save my life…if it wasn’t for him I would have probably gotten my death wish early…and he did take me in for now…so like with Autumn I kinda owe him everything"

She shook her head "I am thankful for all he’s done for me so far…but I can not and will not care too much. It’s like Jane said a proxies life isn’t that long on average….I don’t want to hurt him and have his efforts of keeping me alive to be in vain…that’s not fair to him. I’ll have allies but no friends. All my friends are dead and they can not and will not be replaced. Moving on means forgetting and I promised myself that I wouldn’t forget them” but she knew that deep down inside that wasn’t the real reason.

“I can’t have what happened at Rosewood happen to anyone else that I’ve become allies with…I don’t want to get attached and go through that heartache again…while I’m still going through it…” she admitted quietly to herself.

Toby didn’t have much of a choice as Jeff pulled him into the building. The cigarette smoke only got stronger. But thankfully, he heard Barb’s laugh from the upstairs, so he made his way up the creaky staircase. That’s where he found her. Barb was around eight feet tall, and had four muscular arms. She had a sharp jaw and broad shoulders as well as long dark blue hair. She had fur the same shade as her hair coating her arms and legs. She had a tattoo gun, and was tattooing another monster. It was a pretty large and complex tattoo, but Barb had a lot of the skill to make it look nice. She turned when she heard Toby.

“Hey Tobes!” She said in her loud, booming voice. She extended a hand that wasn’t being used. “You brought the pills?”

“Yeah, EJ gave them to me earlier.” Toby said, passing them to her. Barb smiled, showing sharp teeth.

“Thank you!” She boomed jovially. The monster getting tattooed, a tiny wisp of a woman with eyes all over her face and arms had all her eyes trained on Toby. It made him very uncomfortable.

“Well, I should probably go-” Toby said.

She looked around and it was too quiet to her liking.

“On second thought those sleeping pills sound nice right about now” she mused to herself.

She went to the closet and grabbed the bottle and read it carefully to make sure they were sleeping pills. She opened up the bottle and only took one since Toby said that they have the power of a horse tranquilizer and she’s…well…small. She popped the pill dry and took some clean bandages that she found and a hand towel. She would clean her crippled hand and dress it in new bandages so it doesn’t get infected since the surgical incisions were still fairly new. She went to the bathroom to wash her hands with soap and water and patted her crippled hand dry and wrapped it in new bandages.

After she was done she could feel the pill kicking in. So she went back to her room. She locked her door and was debating on whether or not to move her dresser to barricade the door just in case he or someone else were to break in and attempt to kill her in her sleep. Since when she actually goes to sleep she’s a deep sleeper. But she decided against it since she was too lazy and it would be a hassle to move it out of the way if she needed to escape immediately. She took her two knives and curled up laying down on her bed with her back facing the corner. She normally didn’t sleep with covers on as they were a hassle to get off is someone were to attack her. She had her knees pulled up to her stomach for protection and her arms crossed to protect her chest and neck. She had both knives in each hand that laid against the back of her neck too for protection. No one was going to attack her easily. It was the only way she could feel safe while sleeping. And pretty soon she was out like a light.

Toby eventually got back to the apartment. Jeff had wanted to show him something, which he knew wouldn’t have ended well. He made sure to lock the apartment door behind him. It was quiet. Nugget was probably in Tabby’s room. Toby peeked in her room to check on her and saw that she was asleep. Nugget was on her bed. After making sure she was okay, he closed the door and went to go take a shower and get ready for bed. He was pretty tired. He had run into Masky on his way back who managed to get him to share a drink and talk for a bit, which Toby found nice. Masky was in a much better mood today than other days. His shower and clothes change was quick. He put his dirty clothes into the hamper. He took it down to wash his clothes twice a week. The apartment had a shared laundromat.

Tabby stirred awake as Toby closed the door

“son of a bitch” she thought to herself.

She wasn’t protected enough. But even in her sleepy state she could recognize that it’s Toby so she had nothing to worry about that much but for once in her life she was just too damn tired to do or say anything about it.

“I’ll deal with it in the morning” she grumbled to herself and went back to being dead asleep in her protective position.

Toby was in his pjs. He went to the kitchen and got a glass of ice water before heading back into his room. He closed his door behind him. He sat on his own bed and turned on a fan. He liked it cold in his room. He had a small little radio next to his bed that he used to play soothing music or sometimes just audiobooks or things like that. Soon he managed to sink off into a deep sleep.

[paradife-loft]

Hi! I absolutely love the meta about NMJ's Empathy memories being unreliable, and it's got me wondering about how his qi deviation and death actually went. Since LXC says he saw the qi deviation (and Fatal Journey says it was in public), what's your take on how JGY got NMJ into his secret room so he and Xue Yang could use the Tiger Seal (and eventually kill him)? Fatal Journey has the Nie sect holding a funeral for him, so presumably NHS had /soneone's/ body to bury, but then in The Untamed LXC later says something like he 'hasn't heard from' NMJ in years and had feared the worst, so things... don't seem to add up? What do you think?

Aaah, okay, so: first off, I’m incredibly sorry it’s taken me so long to answer this, and I nonetheless  very much appreciate your interest in my opinions here <3 If you’re still hanging around/following me/reading my blog, anon, idk how obvious it’s been that I’ve… not been having the best few months brain-wise, but that’s basically all I can offer as an excuse for why this reply is coming so late. Thank you for your patience!

So, okay, I think I’m going to try and tackle this question from a couple different angles. First of all, I think it’s worth looking at the material provided in the contained story of the 50 episodes of The Untamed on its own, to see what that suggests, before bringing in outside or supplemental sources, which is what for this purpose I’d consider spin-off movies, details in other versions of the broader MDZS story material, etc. to be. Also, I want to note upfront that while I do tend to incorporate different details and versions of events from both CQL and MDZS into my personal headcanon, what I write in my fic, etc. because I think they tend to provide interesting possibilities, elaborations, and what-ifs for a broader composite MDZS-adaptation-universe – for the purposes of this post, I’m going to stick to material from The Untamed and Fatal Journey only. Mostly, my reason for that is that there’s a few logistically distinct details of how the qi deviation happens in MDZS compared to CQL – one being, it happens at Qinghe rather than Lanling – that I believe affect the timeline of what Jin Guangyao is doing with Nie Mingjue’s corpse in the first place.

Alright so, in The Untamed alone, the evidence such as we have includes: the Empathy sequence involving the qi deviation in episode 41, and Lan Xichen’s statement in episode 39 recounting that he saw it happen himself at Jinlintai, and that after hearing nothing from/about Nie Mingjue since, he’s been “mentally prepared” - presumably, for the news that he’s dead. What I’m inclined to take from those two pieces of information, is essentially a story like this: NMJ qi deviates, very publically, and at some point while this is happening, he makes a break for it and leaves Jinlintai, and whatever presumably messy trail he leaves in the process ends up going cold for anyone trying to follow, with no NMJ around to be seen. With various factors at Jinlintai invested in retrieving him for attempting to turn him into a controllable fierce corpse, it’s pretty easy to imagine that, besides whatever above-board search party tried to follow him, there would also have been another party closely watching his movements for an opportune moment to slip in and scoop him up to bring him back to the secret treasure room for fierce corpse experimentation – hence why the trail would’ve gone cold.

Now, the actual scene showing the qi deviation itself doesn’t include multiple elements I’m positing or including here – specifically, the presence of a bunch of third parties actually witnessing it, LXC included, and then also the idea that NMJ ever left that one landing at the top of the stairs during the qi deviation at all. But, since we see in other parts of the Empathy sequence that the events shown can be… a bit more impressionistic than accurate; and furthermore since it seems reasonable to posit that the memories of the time when he has a literal break with reality might be even less literally reliable than the rest of them – I think those aspects can be reasonably explained away as that scene portraying more of what the qi deviation felt like from the inside, than what an outside observer would’ve seen. Nie Mingjue’s focus is Jin Guangyao, so Jin Guangyao is all he sees – up until Nie Huaisang breaks through that monomaniacal focus and is seen, finally, as himself.

(If you particularly want to pull out some feelings, I might even suggest the idea that finally seeing a distraught NHS was the thing that pulled NMJ sufficiently out of his rage to be lucid enough to flee – and that he booked it in part because he was terrified and ashamed to possibly hurt his younger brother, whether physically or emotionally by letting him see NMJ in such an awful state.

So then, aside from that: the question of what we see in Fatal Journey. I’ve actually been trying to find an answer about what kinds of mourning customs would be followed or even possible if a family didn’t actually have their loved one’s body on hand to bury, but thusfar my internet searching hasn’t really gotten me any useful information one way or another – if anyone reading has an idea or some good sources to point me to, I’d love to hear them! Everything I’ve read so far seems to very tightly marry the performance of appropriate rites and the presence of a body together.

That said, looking back through the actual funeral scene in Fatal Journey, I also wasn’t able to notice the presence of a coffin anywhere in the set, either? We see a memorial tablet, set up in the front of the throne room at Qinghe, and what looks like a brief shot of some offerings, and NHS stoking the fire, but in the couple brief scenes of the inside of the hall, I don’t think there was a coffin set up there? (Or, for that matter, out in the courtyard which we get a longer look at, either.) Compared to what I at least assume is a coffin with Jin Zixuan’s body inside during the mourning scene in episode 32, I feel like it’s reasonable to guess that, even with Fatal Journey included, whatever mourning rites took place at Qinghe after NMJ’s death, they may simply have not involved a body or a burial at all.

- And actually, now that I’m thinking about it, taking Fatal Journey into consideration overall suggests that it might ultimately be the norm at Qinghe to hold mourning rites without a body present – because per the lore additions in the movie, the Nie sect leaders go down to die on their own at the bottom of the saber tomb, and it sure doesn’t look like anybody had been going down there to retrieve them once they did? So, I don’t know, maybe there’s some sort of symbolic burial of something associated with the sect leader as a Nie custom, to keep things looking a bit more normal and less “we build a tomb for these resentment-filled blade spirits that eat our sect leader’s sanity”, and that’s also what ended up being done for Nie Mingjue?  But, yeah, there’s no real confirmation happening even in the movie that NHS was able to come back with a body to bury, so I don’t think that necessarily contradicts the idea that NMJ could have gone missing during his qi deviation and never been properly recovered for a 100% confirmed death.

(That said, I personally don’t tend to incorporate, oh, most of the specific events or points of lore from Fatal Journey into my own readings on various elements of the story? Like, quite frankly, I don’t really like the movie that much, and I think it opens up a lot more unnecessary character and worldbuilding questions without doing a good job of integrating them back into the rest of The Untamed’s continuity (er, such as it exists XD). So I don’t necessarily have an opinion on whether “the Nie sect generally doesn’t do bodily burials of is clan leaders” is an idea anyone should pick up for The Untamed canon; merely that if you do take the events of Fatal Journey as canon, it certainly seems like it could be a possibility.)

(And again, big, big big disclaimer here that, e.g. if holding any kind of mourning rites without a body present is actually super Not Done, then what I’m saying with this part might be totally moot, and then well…. who knows, there’s plenty of speculation that could be used to cover that gap up – maybe “they never found the body” wasn’t actually widespread knowledge, but rather just information LXC had special access to due to the relationships he had with the people involved? – and some set of people depending on your preferences conspired to get another body to stand in for NMJ’s to allow them to hold a funeral? ….Which honestly sounds incredibly sketchy to me on its own, but considering all the other professionally Yikes-style desecrations of bodies that happen in this story…. who knows? I’m really just tossing out ideas here at this point, not saying I necessarily endorse any of them outside of “I think this could potentially work in some way without being out of character for anybody”.)

Anyway… I hope that answers your question, anon, and is otherwise interesting for everyone else reading? Thank you for the ask, and apologies again for taking so long to respond! <3