#worst part is my parents are well off enough to actually have gotten me properly checked out

[shivroyslut]

my life would’ve been fixed if any educator or caretaker in my early childhood just looked at my behaviour and went hmm maybe this child should get tested for something

[fakeloveaskblog]

(Hi, me again. Wow, that was intense. I don’t think i can properly put into words the way that made me feel. I’ll try to break things down.

First up is Remus. I’m so proud of him. He recognised his own abuse. He got to validate his feelings and recognise that what happened to him wasn’t his fault and he stood up to Virgil to protect Remy, which also gave him a chance to get some form of closure.

Next up is Remy. They did so well. They accepted the reality of their current situation and made the decision to leave, even though it was hard for them. Virgil I’m going to go into later in the ask.

Lukas, you write these characters amazingly. They feel so real and it makes moments like this so powerful, you truly are an incredible writer. Now without further ado, onto the ask.)

*appears in Virgil’s apartment and floats over to Virgil*

*eyes glow a comforting orange while speaking in a gentle voice*

Hi Virgil. I just wanted to say I’m proud of you. I know letting them go wasn’t easy for you, but you did the right thing by doing so. I’m not going to claim to understand how you are feeling right now, but I can see that you’re hurting. I’m sorry that this had to happen, but I’m glad it did. Things are going to get better now. Not right away, maybe not for a long time, but they will eventually get better. Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

Remember, you’re not alone. You have your parents to help you through this, and you also have me. I’m gonna sit with you to prove emotional support. Let me know if you need anything and I’ll do my best to accommodate.

*time skip to when Virgil has gotten most of the initial post breakup crying out of his system*

I’m going to stay with you for a while, at least until I’m sure that the worst of this has past. I’m sure the other Watchers will take good care of Remy while I stay with you. So don’t panic if you see me floating around for the next wee while. Also I love cooking so if you find food in your fridge or cupboards that you didn’t put there it was probably me. Feel free to try some though, I’m quite a good cook if I do say so myself.

Glow Eyes

(Thank you :DD Im glad the mini fic was as good as i had been hoping bc shit had been building up to it for a like time now)

Virgil had curled up against the couch. He wasn't even sitting on it. He just sat on the floor with his head laying on the cushion while sulking. Weak sobs could be heard every now and again as his body trembled.

When he heard your voice he only glanced up for a second before digging his face down into the cushion again.

"Fuck off" He muttered out. 

He did his best to stay quiet after that as you kept talking. He really Really wanted to show just how grumpy and hurt he was and grumpy people obviously don't speak! But alas he is a weak willed little bitch boy so

"YEah! Exactly! You don't understand! SO leave me alone! You ghost fuckers have done enough!!"

He waited a few silent minutes before he reached out his arm and fumbled it around on the couch without actually looking up. When he felt your faint ghost warmth he let out a breathe of relief. He didn't actually want to be alone.

"How could this ever get better" His voice broke "how could living without Remy be anything but worse!? It feels like- It already feels like a part of me has been ripped out and theY JUST LEFT! HOW WILL I SURVIVE THIS FOR MONTHS! YEARS! I FEEL LIKE I'M NOTHING! That- The Remus guy- he- he was right- I'm just hollow now- How- Where do I even start with myself- How the fuck do I continue on without them! They- They were supposed to be my life partner but now-"

It got hard to breathe. His hand moved up to his neck as if something was preventing him from breathing. But there was nothing.

"They didn't leave that long ago. Maybe I can still catch up to them. Make them change their mind"

He got up on his feet but only took a few steps before suddenly stopping and forcing himself to sit down on the ground again. He put his head in his hands.

"No. No. I' doing this for Remy. They're better off without me. I can't- I can't keep hurting them...BUT IT'S THEIR FAULT I'M IN PAIN NOW! THEY'RE FUCKING SELFISH FOR LEAVING ME! I'VE DONE EVERYTHING FOR THEM! THEY'RE A STUPID BITCH! I- I- I WISH I COULD-"

Virgil punched his fist into the wooden floor leaving his knuckles bloody. He stormed off into the bedroom. The door slammed shut behind him as glanced around.

The bed shook as he kicked it out of frustration. He threw the closet doors open and started to dig around in the mess of clothes and books. A pile of old magazines laid in the corner. The kind of teen girl magazine that would have a bunch of pictures of pop stars Remy liked. When they were younger they used to shoplift the magazines together with Virgil.

One of the oldest magazines had Carly Rae Jepsen on the cover. Virgil picked it up and held it in his trembling hands. The pages with cute boys on them had been marked with glitter pen and the double spread love quiz had been annotated on to hell and back. There was a bunch of hearts drawn around the answer to the quiz where it stood that the reader and their crush had big potential to get together.

"THEY LEFT ME! THEY WOULD RATHER RUN OFF AND WHORE OUT WITH THOSE PEOPLE THAN TO- I WANT TO FUCKING DESTROY EVERYTHING THEY CARE ABOUT! IT'S WHAT THEY DESERVE FOR DOING THIS TO ME!"

The top of the magazine began to fall apart as he pulled in it. A rip went right between Carly Rae Jepsen's eyes.

Virgil's arms suddenly went weak. The trembling stopped. The only sound in the room was his quiet sobbing as he pulled the magazine to his chest. He curled into a miserable ball on the floor, half of his body still inside the closet.

You floated over and lingered by him as he continued to cry. Even when the tears had dried he didn't say anything. Every one of his movements was slow and groggy as he got up and got a cardboard box. 

All of the magazines carefully got placed in the box one by one. He quickly skimmed through some of them. Blurbs about date ideas were written on some pages. Tips about make up and clothing had been ringed in with notes next to it like 'Makes me look more like a guy :(' and 'hides bruises good'. In one interview some boy band had been asked for their best flirt lines and Virgil could distinctly remember Remy using all of them. In several magazines different parts of the pop star's bodies had been ringed in and Remy had left notes about how they wished they could look like that followed by questions of Why they would want that.

He neatly put their favorite CDs in the box before going through the clothes thrown around the bedroom. Their beloved leather jacket, sweatpants that looked like a knockoff of Britney Spear's and t-shirts with prints they liked were all put in the box. Virgil fiddled with the hem of a skirt between his fingers.

"They sewed most of their clothes themself y'know. They're so talented" He mumbled out before putting some skirts in the box as well.

An old ragged hoodie laid at the bottom of the closet. It was blue and Virgil could remember doodling on the sleeves of it when he got anxious. Remy had said they liked the feeling of the sharpies against the fabric. He put it on. It was a bit too big for him but he didn't mind.

He closed the box and taped it shut before writing on the top of it 'Please don't forget your meds'.

"You guys can like do teleporting stuff right?" He asked while turning to you "I uh I just thought my- Remy kinda left in a rush I don't want them to have to like leave some of their favorite stuff behind. You can just teleport the box to wherever they're staying right now I guess. Maybe not like This second. Maybe that would make them like anxious 'cause they would have to think of me but uh teleport the box to them like soon....ugh....please?"

He fumbled with his hands before picking up the pen again.

"You're uh right. I'm not alone. I've just happened to lose the most important person in my life. very funny. Very great experience. 10/10 really. Would just love to go through this again and again on a daily basis"

On the paper he'd written up the numbers to the helplines his mom had told him about. One number for people who wanted to stop hurting their partner. Another for people with mental health problems. She'd said it was for when he had panic attacks. He felt like he deserved to suffer through those alone.

He taped the paper to the entrance door so in case he ever got the urge to try and look up where Remy was he had a reminder.

You floated next to his head. He turned to you "Staying with me for a while is a good idea. I- I want to change- Changing hurts" He face palmed "Holy Shit! Am I hearing myself!! OOOh Boo woo it's so hard to stop hitting my par- my ex partner boo hooo!! What a fucking asshole I am!! But I am an asshole! I know sooner or later I'm gonna lose my temper and you and your supernatural friends gotta prevent me from ever hurting Remy again! Or anyone else for that matter! Like- Like"

He walked to the corner of the room and pointed right into it.

"Like if I try to leave to find Remy this the uh the void shadow thingie has to like teleport me inside the void until I calm down or something! And the blue ghost thing can throw things at me I guess! The Snail can turn me into a snail! NO! Nevermind! Don't do that! Make me trip on Snail goo??? I dunno! Uhhh If I ever get to know Remy's new address you have to erase it from my brain like instantly! Okay?....Unless Remy would want me to know.....But I doubt they would"

All of the energy had drained from him. It took a lot of willpower to not feed into his worst impulses. He sat down against the corner and moved the fabric of Remy's hoodie up to his face. It still smelled faintly of them. If he closed his eyes he could pretend they were still with him.

You did the ghost equivalent of sitting down next to him as you said the last bit of your message.

"You can cook?" He squinted at you "Where the fuck do you store your hands??? Aren't you translucent??? Nevermind. Not important. I don't even think I wanna know. I guess that uh...that...." He looked like he was in actual pain saying this "I would.....appreciate....it if you could cook some food I guess maybe I think. Even on a good day I'm not a good cook and now"

He looked out into the oh so quiet apartment. There was grime on the floor and a smell of mold and cigarette smoke in the air. He couldn't remember the last time he had cleaned. He hadn't even showered in over a week now.

"I....I dunno if I have that much energy left...Ugh I'm gonna have to go to work tomorrow...I'm gonna have to talk to people tomorrow....and like go outside...and continue living....without them...."

He ran his fingers through his oily hair and sighed.

"I want to change! I just have no fucking idea how to have the energy to change if I can't even clean my own apartment! It feels like all of my problems are just like piling up and I have no idea where to start. I just wanna like revert back into my shell like a big grumpy turtle y'know? Yeah I bet you know. If you can summon fucking hands I bet you can become a turtle as well......Is the big ass Snail even like originally a snail....or is it just a ghost like- I'm gonna give myself a headache"

Virgil moved Remy's old hoodie tighter around himself and leant the side of his head against the wall. He was so exhausted he could probably fall asleep right then and there. The light turned on in the kitchen as you floated over to begin cooking. 

[keijislove]

Hi babe! I was wondering if I could request a Tony Stark x daughter reader? With lots of angst and her being locked in her room because she’s being bullied for her darker skin

(I understand if you’re not comfortable with this)

Safe Place: Tony Stark X Daughter!Reader

I think this turned out a bit longer than I expected.

Sorry :(

I hope you like this, I don’t really have a lot of experience with this matter, so I hope I captured the emotions right!

I AM APOLOGISING IN ADVANCE, THE HURTFUL COMMENTS MENTIONED HERE ARE NOT ONES I WOULD EVER USE IN MY LIFETIME.

GIRL, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE – YOU DON’T NEED DIMWITS LIKE RACISTS TO DEFINE BEAUTY. YOU WANT THE DEFINITION OF BEAUTY, GO LOOK IN THE MIRROR.

PUT A STOP TO RACISM.

WARNINGS: Slight EXTREMELY racial comments, mentions of death, toxic relationship, angst, Tony being a little... well, Tony.

Being Tony Stark’s daughter was nearly everyone’s dream. Well, everyone you’d come across at school, anyway. It seemed rational from their point of view – big house, big bedroom, expensive branded clothing, basically an overall exquisite lifestyle coupled with fame of being his daughter which was sure to earn popularity points anywhere and everywhere. A man rolling in that amount of money would make a great dad... right?

You thought differently. Which was one of the main reasons you did not tell anyone who your father really was and your teachers understood your predicament and played along to your story of being an ordinary girl with no scope for coolness whatsoever.

Your mother had met your father a long, long time ago – when Tony was still in university. Of course, he’d left her before he even knew she was pregnant, and they never saw each other again. You didn’t exactly love your life as his daughter. In fact, from what your mother had told you, he was (in your vision) a complete monster whom your mother had the sad misfortune to meet.

It was her untimely death that had forced you to go live with the man who was the reason you were born and the man who ruthlessly left your mother to fend for herself and a baby. You had tried for foster care, but the agents told you that your father was still alive and more than capable of taking care of you – being the famous Tony Stark and all.

So it would suffice to say that Tony was lowkey shocked when you turned up at his doorstep one day with a grudging expression and declarations of being his daughter. He actually didn’t believe you at first and asked you to piss off which confirmed your earlier assumptions about his character – asshole. After you’d snapped at him and showed him all the legal documentations stating that you two were blood-related as father-daughter after all, Tony was even more shocked than earlier.

Though he would rather die than admit it, he felt sad after seeing your fourteen-year-old self standing at his doorstep. He’d missed your birth, your first steps, your first words, he even missed helping you with homework in preschool – basically all precious moments you enjoy with a child. But you made it pretty clear that you didn’t want to be here – something that made Tony’s already overlarge pride swell like a bullfrog and stopped him from ever getting close to you. While you were busy thinking he didn’t want you, you overlooked a small detail – he took you in.

If anyone had the power to bribe an adoption agency to get rid of their kid, it was Anthony Stark, yet he never gave you away. The simple explanation (that he would never, in a million years, admit it to you) was that he didn’t want to lose you – around the only blood-related family he had left.

And so began your life as Y/N Stark. It functioned surprisingly well for your expectations. Pepper was really nice to you and those few occasions when the Avengers came over, you were able to talk to Natasha about ‘girl things’, her presence reminding you of the mother you had lost only too young. You sometimes even asked Bruce for help with homework, too proud yourself to go to Tony. Overall, you stayed out of his way while he stayed out of yours – an arrangement you were both satisfied with.

The worst part was that you never talked. Ever. You would wake up and walk to school, refusing Jarvis’ continued protests of letting you use the self-driving car, came home the same way where you did your homework and grabbed a snack before you ‘father’ came back upstairs from his little man cave in the basement and a small ‘good-evening’ passed between you two as you went your separate ways. This cycle repeated itself every day. Recently, your life at school hadn’t been going great.

You’d known that your skin tone was a notch darker than the others at your school – something you had gotten from your mother – and this was not something you really cared about. That’s when they started coming – the comments. What were originally small, snide retorts of ‘wash your face, ew!’ (A/N: I AM SO SORRY) had now escalated to them calling you obscene names you’d never heard before and asking you to leave ‘their’ school

Which was why, instead of being at school today, you were locked in your bedroom, sobbing into your pillow.

It had started out as a very unusual morning. After getting comments hurled at you left right and centre the previous day, you’d had enough. You’d woken up and declared to Jarvis that you were skipping school and he was to, under no circumstances, notify your father about this. After that you tried to eat some cereal, but the bubbling dread in your stomach made it taste like dry carpet, so you gave up and stomped into your room, locking the door before flinging yourself onto the bed and crying your heart out.

It was in times like these that you felt the need for something – a gaping hole in your chest. It seemed foolish to even admit it to yourself, but you really wanted someone like a parent. Someone who listened to your problems and comforted you accordingly, someone who actually cared about you. And since Tony Stark filled neither of these requirements, you gave up the foolish dream and sunk, once again, into your self-fashioned depths of misery.

-------

Tony casually sipped on his wine, putting one last screw into place to make the latest piece he was testing out. As he powered the device on, it vibrated for a moment before the words ‘model failed’ appeared on the screen Tony was examining.

He swore loudly and shoved it ungracefully aside before running his hands through his hair. There had been many an occasion where Tony seriously considered going to your room to just say something to you that wasn’t a monotonous ‘good evening’ or ‘the milk’s finished’ or something else like that. He wanted to talk to you. To you.

He wanted to get to know the real Y/N – what you were like when you weren’t too busy being bold and refusing to appear vulnerable. As if reading his thoughts, Jarvis’ voice filled the room suddenly.

“Sir, I do believe that Ms Stark is currently locked inside her bedroom. She refused to go to school just this morning.”

“What?” Tony exclaimed, “Why, did she tell you anything else?”

“Just this, Sir, along with a few obscene warnings of not informing you about this occurrence. If I recall correctly, Ms Stark told me she would rip out my sockets with her bare hands had I come to you.”

Ignoring the small smirk that was growing on his lips at the thought of you behaving exactly as he would, Tony wiped his tired hands on a nearby cloth before sprinting out the door and up the stairs to your bedroom.

He knocked on the door.

“Go away Pepper, not in the mood,” came your muffled voice. It was weak and raw – evidently, you had been crying.

Ignoring the poking feeling of dread bubbling in his stomach, Tony knocked again.

“Open up, kid, it’s me,” he shouted.

“Definitely not in the mood, thanks.”

Tony sighed. This was exactly what he had tried so hard to avoid –turning out like his own father. Not knowing how to deal with a daughter properly, he just let you go about your business as you wanted, hoping that it would yield better results than what his childhood had been like. Now, looking back at how much he’d neglected you, he suddenly realised that he had done the exact thing he was afraid of – hurt you.

“Y/N Y/M/N Stark, open the door. Please.”

Perhaps it was the please at the end or the way he acknowledged you as his living, breathing daughter for the first time that made you stagger limply over to the door and push it open.

Your eyes were puffy, red and swollen from bawling nonstop and your brows were knitted into a disapproving frown. It broke Tony’s heart to see you like this.

“Listening,” you sniffed, crossing your arms.

“Okay, why don’t you sit down,” Tony frowned slightly.

You gave another hearty sniff and led him to your bed where you flopped down and watched as he took a seat beside you.

You both sat in a very painful, deafening silence for the next few minutes.

“You didn’t go to school today,” Tony casually remarked as you played with your pillow, refusing to meet his eyes.

“I did,” you said simply.

“Wanna tell me what’s going on?” Tony offered.

“I really don’t,” you admitted as he burst out laughing and you gave a grudging giggle despite yourself.

“Seriously, kid,” Tony said in an undertone, “You’ve gotta open up a bit more. I mean, it’s been like what, two years since you moved here and you never bother telling me what’s going on. And look where that got you – come on, tell me what’s going on. Is it school?”

“Partially,” you quietly said to which he cocked an eyebrow.

“Completely,” you amended, sighing, “Kids, you know, they’re just being – well, mean.”

“Okay,” Tony nodded slightly, “You want to talk about it?”

“They... they make fun of me,” you admitted, “About – about my skin colour and stuff. And I know I’m being stupid, getting upset over this –”

“It’s not stupid,” Tony broke in, “It’s not stupid at all. Nothing gives anyone a right to talk to you that way.”

“Try telling that to them!” you burst out, final letting go of the pent-up emotions you’d been holding for days, “What did I ever do to them – it’s not my fault I look like this, maybe if I could choose what to look like, I’d choose something they want! Just about everyone seems to have a problem – what the hell do they expect me to do? It’s unjust, unfair, unsettling and unkind, but of course they don’t care, do they?!”

Tony didn’t even flinch throughout your entire outburst until you broke down and tears began rapidly pouring out of your eyes once more.

“Hey, hey, stop, listen to me,” Tony sternly said, seizing your shoulders and turning you to face him.

“You’re a Stark,” he said, gazing you dead in the eyes, “You are beautiful, you’re smart and you’re kind. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

This was too much for you to handle and you started sobbing again – sobs of partial happiness and partial guilt that didn’t look like they would stop anytime soon.

“Come here, kid,” was all Tony could say as he pulled you into a hug, allowing you to sob into his shirt while he stroked your hair, trying to calm you down.

“I’m sorry if I’ve ever been mean to you,” you whispered finally.

“It’s okay, kid,” Tony murmured, pressing a kiss to your forehead, “I’m sorry I haven’t been a great father all this time.”

You two sat in a now comfortable silence, occasionally clearing your throats or sniffling a bit before Tony finally spoke.

“If anyone says that to you again, I will have them cut up and fed to the fish in my house in Malibu.”

“Thanks, dad.”

[the32ndbeat]

𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 | 𝐣.𝐲𝐧 - [ 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟛 ]

pairing: stalker!jaehyun x fem!reader ( ft twice’s tzuyu, loona’s haseul )

word count: 2.4k

warnings: swearing, mentions of alcohol, alcohol consumption, mentions of sexual harassment, mature themes, mentions of drugs, smoking, extreme views, misogyny, yandere themes

a/n: unedited! it’s been forever since I updated this but also considering if I should turn this into a tbz series at my tbz writing blog so we’ll see how this goes.

taglist: I don’t have one yet and I’m seeing how this does since I’m thinking whether I should convert it into a tbz series. Please do lemme know if you guys want to see this continued!

disclaimer: everything written here is FICTIONAL and I am in no way saying that the mentioned characters act like that irl!

masterlist  

(inspired by netflix’s you and the book of the same name by caroline kepnes)

The first thing that registers in my mind is how fucking loud this place is. Seriously, what is it with college parties and their inherent need to blast music loud enough to wake the entire neighbourhood within a five mile radius? Before I even step within the premises or even make it to the front yard, the whole fraternity house seemed to shake from the loudness of the bass-boosted music when viewed from a distance away. I even had to squint as I approach, the strings of fluorescent party lights draped all over the place glowing so brightly it almost hurt to look straight.

A few drunk college frat boys stumble past me, their hair sticky and messy with sweat and their breaths reeking of cheap alcohol. Their steps are wobbly and I can even see drool and remnants of vomit hanging at the corner of their mouths. My heart clenches with pure disgust and I grit my teeth as I watch them laugh out loud over nothing, their brains a pink, unintelligent mush in their skulls, probably rotted by endless drinking and fucking. All part of the college frat experience.

I wonder if they enjoy being a complete waste of space while wasting mummy and daddy’s money to put them through college.

I look away and ignore the growing irritation in me. This is the sort of party your friends wanted you to go with them to? I thought your friends were bad influences but scratch that, they’re fucking horrible. They taint you, taint your innocence and put you at risk around such dangerous men who do not deserve to be even a mile within your presence. As I walk closer, the house looks even more hideous up close.

It’s decorated in the worst way I’ve seen a house decorated. It’s as if someone threw a bunch of random fairy lights bought in the brightest, blinding neon colours that simply do not go together over a sloppy looking house and the front yard is littered with empty, red plastic cups and is that a discarded bra I see over there?

I tiptoe over the trash laying around on the grass and try to avoid the gyrating bodies of college students who clearly have no sense of rhythm. My skin feels grimy within just a few minutes of being here and I can’t wait to leave but there is no way I’m leaving when I know that you will be here. The thought of you being surrounded by such vermins makes me sick to the stomach and I want to get you out of here. The only place you should rightfully be, is at my place where there are no revolting men who only love to drink cheap alcohol, party till sunrise, get high off smoking a blunt, yell ‘turn up!’ every few minutes as if it’s muscle memory in their tiny, almost non-existent brains and do anything but be a productive member of society.

As I push through the double doors, the nauseating smell containing a mixture of intoxicating alcohol, smoke and cheap cologne almost knocks me backwards. My hand grips tighter to the wooden door and I force myself in. Inside, the house is dim but bright at the same time with disco and laser lights. A massive boombox and a pair of equally large loudspeakers sit at the corner of the room and some hip hop tune is being played while people dance and drink and smoke to their hearts’ delight. You’d never believe these kids were supposed to be the future.

Oh, how disappointed their parents must be.

A girl in skimpy shorts and a tube top looks at me with unadulterated want and beckoning in her eyes while staring at the varsity jacket I’m wearing, no doubt replaying fantasies of fucking a college athlete in her mind and trying to guess which sport I supposedly play. I gaze blankly at them before turning away and I can see her shift from the corner of my eye, obviously bothered by the lack of attention. It’s like I can almost see the gears whirring in her brain. Did she not show enough cleavage? Is more skin needed to get my attention? Sometimes people are so predictable and readable that it’s almost pathetic.

Other times, I might have lowered my standards and settled for a casual fuck with someone like that but not today. Today, I’m a man on a mission. A mission to look out for you.

My eyes scan the room but it’s too dim to see anything within four feet in any direction. The flashing lights threaten to overwhelm me along with the stink of the place and booming music and I can feel my annoyance evolving into anger. I repress the urge to slap the shit out of a guy in a red bandana who screams ‘turn up’ all of sudden, practically effectively bursting my eardrums.

I almost bump into a couple eating each other’s faces out when someone yells out at me.

“Hey, you!”

The music is so loud that I almost don’t hear it. I whip around and sure enough, it’s tube top girl making her way over to me. You have got to be fucking kidding me. Not only do I have to find and save you from this sleazy place and have to squeeze in with a crowd of sweaty, brainless college kids who know nothing but party in a tiny, dirty, smelly frat house but now I also have tube top girl hot on my heels?

The things I do for you, y/n and we haven’t even properly gotten to know each other yet.

“Hey, how’s it going?” Tube top girl smiles and up close, I can see that her mascara is smudged and her hair is slicked back with an unholy amount of gel into a tight little bun which only makes her face look wider and her forehead exposed with a sheen of sweat covering it. Her lipstick is reapplied and I know for a fact that she has done it to impress me. Her top is also inched a little lower, as if that makes her anymore appealing.

I smile in a dismissive way, in a way that showed that I cared, but not really.

“Hey,” I reply flippantly.

“Crazy party huh?” She grins, satisfied that she’s got my attention now. Women.

I let my eyes drift to her breasts and look back up at her expectant, puppy dog eyes that are so eager to please it’s actually embarrassing.

“Yeah.”

“What’s your name? I’m Meg.”

“I’m Jaehyun.”

“You part of any sports team in school?” And just like that I know that tube top girl must have had fantasies of fucking a college athlete.

So predictable.

“Yeah, I’m on the swim team.” I say and her smile widens, a playfulness in her eyes as she leans her chest in closer in what was meant to be a sexy gesture.

“Oh, is that so? I’ve never really talked to a competitive swimmer before,” she replies in a sultry voice and I smirk.

“Well, here I am. Am I every bit of the guy you imagined a college swimmer to be?” I whisper in an equally sultry voice. Let her think she has me wrapped around her finger. It’s easier that way. Better for her to think I’m enthralled with her and her breasts than let her cling onto me the entire night.

“Mhm,” she says, “of course.”

I’m about to reply when something catches my eye. From the window, I see you and your friends stumbling and swaying down the sidewalk, away from the party. Internally, I feel my rage simmering again but not at anyone. At myself.

How was I so late that I didn’t manage to stop this from happening? How are you already drunk? How did this happen?

A million questions are racing through my mind and my vision almost blurs with white hot anger as I imagine a slimy frat guy placing his greasy hands on you while you sit there, drunk and uninhibited in that dress that seemed to accentuate your every single curve. You look simply gorgeous in that dress and I fucking hate to think that other guys in this whole house may have made a pass at you. Why was I so late? Would I have been just a little bit earlier if tube top Meg didn’t stop me? I should have left the moment she decided to strike up conversation. This is my karma for letting other temptations get in the way. I vow to myself that this will never happen again as I extricate myself away from Meg’s clutches (“Hey! Where are you going?” She calls out and I ignore her).

I shove people out of the way and do not care for their protests and yelps. Fuck them and fuck this entire shithole of a house. I scramble through the door and maintain my distance as I follow you and your friends down the pavement and past the buildings within the campus. I watch and cringe as you seem to crumple under the weight of your friends’ arm and quickly realise that you aren’t drunk. Your friends are. Stupidly drunk.

I feel my heart relax and my stomach unclench. Of course, you wouldn’t be. You are good. And smart. Too smart to get drunk in a place like that. You know what are the risks and you are above such parties. Your friends though, I couldn’t say the same. Which brings me back to why you need better friends but that’s besides the point. I can see a few guys hanging at the other side of the street who leer at the group of you, clearly getting their dick hard at the thought of a group of vulnerable girls roaming these empty streets at night.

It’s dangerous. But that’s what I’m here for. They see me next and they look away.

I will do what I can to protect you, y/n. Even if that means protecting your good for nothing friends in the process.

All of a sudden, I see you trip and it’s like everything is in slow motion. You fall forward and I take long strides over, my legs stretching out and rushing to help you. Before your knees can hit the rough ground, I have you in my arms, encircled around your waist as I hold you up. I have your other friend, Haseul upright with my other hand tugging at the collar of her jacket. Your friend Tzuyu is not so fortunate and falls flat but she barely notices it, smiling tipsily to herself instead.

You glance up at me with those large eyes and I could get lost in them right there and then. But as quickly as we have our moment, you move away and I see a hint of suspicion in your eyes. We separate and the moment you extract yourself from my arms, I already want you back. Your touch feels addictive already. What have you done to me?

“Thanks.” You say curtly and I admire the fact that you have boundaries, not like Meg. You are hard to get and that’s what makes you so appealing. You are to be earned and respected.

You help Tzuyu to her feet and as you turn to leave with your friends, I call out, “is there any way I can help?”

You regard me with caution and open your mouth to reject me but then suddenly, the tenseness in your eyes relax.

“Do I know you?”

You remember me. Halle-fucking-lujah! I want to wrap you in my arms again but I play it cool.

“I… don’t…?”

Your eyes grow wide and the recognition seeps in.

“Wait! You’re from that hardware store right? Jaehyun?”

I pretend to be surprised when I’m actually fucking overjoyed.

“Yeah, wait… You’re that girl with the rope right?”

You laugh and it’s the most melodious thing I’ve ever heard in forever.

“Yup, that’s me. Kind of mortified that’s how you remember me but sure,” you say and your eyes twinkle but then you continue with a more subdued tone, “what are you doing here?”

I pat my chest good-naturedly.

“Friend of mine is a student here. I just came over to visit and he gave me his varsity jacket so I could try feeling like a college student for once. Never been to college so… yeah. I thought I’d like to try it out for fun.” I reply and shoot you an awkward smile, the kind you do when you try to get someone to favour you and think of you as ‘adorable’.

It works and you smile gently.

“That’s pretty cool, you’ve got a good friend.”

And you haven’t, I think but don’t say.

I gesture towards you and your friends.

“Need any help?”

You look at your drunken friends and back at me and I sense you thinking. Finally, you decide that you do need my help and chuckle, “We live right at that block over there and I think I might die halfway there. I’m not fit enough to hold 2 people.”

That’s so like you. So compassionate over friends who clearly didn’t give a shit that you didn’t want to go to some god forsaken party, so caring over friends who get drunk and don’t take responsibility, so helpful to take care of friends who literally do not give a fuck about you. You are not beautiful on the outside but on the inside too and as I loop Tzuyu’s arm over my neck and hold her, I wish I was holding you instead.

We amble over to the front of your block and we part, you thank me and we say our goodbyes and it’s all too soon. I want to be with you for longer, I want us to talk and I want you to invite me to your room but reality is often much less exciting and more boring.

“I’ll see you!” You call out, smiling as I walk away and I wave back, my heart soaring.

Today is a good day, I think and as I round the corner to the next street, I slip the keycard out of my pocket and feel the hard plastic under my finger.

Wasn’t difficult honestly. Your friends should really learn to keep their valuables in safe places, not the back pocket of their jeans.

[sluttbuttsstuff]

La Squadra Backstory Headcanons Part 1 (GHIACCHIO AND MELONE

Since we’re probably never going to get any straight answers on their backstory, i’m writing my own for them.  Obviously, none of this is canon and guesswork

WARNINGS: none really, aside from dark themes 

GHIACCHIO:  

Came from a very large and very poor family, the youngest of many children.  

As a result, he was the last to get anything-last to get fed, last to get clothed, last to get attention.

He didn’t get the proper care he truly needed, so he had to fight and take what he really needed, or he would have to make do without.

He’s always had awful eyesight, but it wasn’t until stealing a classmate’s glasses that happened to be exactly what Ghiacchio needed, he fought the kid for them and gave him a black eye

“There, now you can’t even use them, they’re better off with me!”

Despite getting into a lot of fights, School was actually something of a sanctuary for Ghiaccio.  

He got the attention he needed, he was able to get free food through the lunch program, and excelled in several sports activities and physical Ed.

During middle school, under encouragement of a favorite teacher of his, he dedicated himself to his studies, and enrolled in as many extra curricular activities as he could stomach.

With his impressive physical fitness, natural intelligence, and a little anger management, his teacher convinced him he could get into a good college with a full scholarship that he wouldn’t otherwise be able to get into

Ghiacchio wasn’t always as loud, angry and violent as he was in La Squadra, but he did have issues with anger management, an inferiority complex, and a self-sabotaging need to always be right.  

But his teacher, now his mentor, never gave up on him.  He took Ghiaccio to therapy, gave him a shoulder to lean on, and served as the support he never got from his parents or siblings.

His family had no interest or desire to get involved with his life, or offer any support or encouragement.

School was tough- it was extremely stressful and he was pushing himself to his limits.  He had very little sleep, had to maintain a 4.0 grade average, but despite it all, Ghiacchio was very happy.

His mentor was like a father figure to him, without him, Ghiacchio wouldn’t have been able to get as far as he did.

And then the worst happened.

His mentor died naturally, of a heart attack, he was an older gentleman with a history of heart disease in his family.

It still broke Ghiaccio.

He skipped school for the first time in years to attend his funeral, and ended up getting in a fight with one of his teachers at school the next day.

Ghiacchio and his teacher argued over the correct pronunciation of a word, but really Ghiacchio was angry at his teachers and school-hell, the WORLD- that no one else had been at his mentor’s funeral.  He felt like no one cared about his mentor, and that included him.  

He broke the teacher’s nose, as well as several other bruises and nearly gave him a concussion.

Obviously, he was expelled from school after that, and sent to a juvenile prison.  He was able to finish high school in juvie, but no university or sports team wanted to sponsor him or offer him a scholarship. 

 It is his greatest regret, not being able to get the scholarship he and his mentor worked so hard for

But at the same time, he doesn’t regret attacking his other teacher and leaving school; he couldn’t stand by and let his mentor’s memory be forgotten, besmirched.

He would be picked up by Passione through the juvie system, he kept getting into petty fights with others and managed to impress some soldatos into offering him initiation.

I like to think that his strict grammar pet peeve stems from his mentor, who taught italian grammar and literature studies, and as a result was especially strict with teaching Ghiacchio proper italian.

The ice theme for his stand?  Yeah, it’s funny because he’s a hot head, but i think it’s his stand, as an extension of his mentor’s teachings trying to literally “Cool” him down.  He has to use a lot of focus to use White Album properly, just like how his studies and athletics would distract him from his own mental health issues.

At least, this is just what I think lol

MELONE:

Hoo-boy, this kiddo has to have had some serious  family issues

His father was the head doctor at the most prestigious fertility clinic in Italy

(He was also secretly into eugenics, and lots of other nasty stuff, but let’s get into that later)

He was so successful, he had even cured his own wife’s infertility

At least, that’s what he had everyone believe

Secretly, Melone’s father had had an extramarital affair with his secretary, who became pregnant and had Melone.

Under extreme threats and blackmail, Melone’s father managed to take Melone away from his biological mother, and convince his wife to raise Melone as her own.

Needless to say, Melone’s father was a very bad, manipulative man

Despite this, his wife had always wanted a child, and actually loved him and cared for him deeply, and Melone became her child as much as his biological mother

Melone’s father was very strict and had high expectations of Melone from a young age.

Melone had private tutors, a personal chef and nutrition plan, and even a physical fitness teacher who would regularly exercise him.

Melone had no other siblings, surprisingly, despite his father’s obsession with eugenics and breeding.  

His father must have been afraid of the possible scandal that would arise from an affair or divorce (italy is still a heavily catholic country after all) and his wife, Melone’s “adoptive” mother was still barren,

Since Melone was an only child, home schooled and surrounded by paid lackeys of his father, he was very lonely.  

His mother was his one and only real friend in his life.  She would sneak him dessert snacks, read him fairytale stories if he got tired of his textbooks, and even played games like jump rope and hide and seek with him.

The entire reason his “Adoptive” mother had married his father in the first place was because it had been her lifelong dream to have children, and she was determined to give Melone all the love his father couldn’t and wouldn’t.

And that was life for a long time- it wasn’t the best childhood but Melone couldn’t really complain.  His father kind of scared him, but at the same time he earned Melone’s respect.  

Melone was interested in Biology, and learning about genetics like his father.

And when the stress of living up to his father, and his own, expectations became too hard, he could always run to his mother.

Then, Melone’s biological mother found him

Melone’s biological mother had never really gotten over losing her only child, and despite the monthly salary and isolated home she had received for her silence, she couldn’t forget about Melone.  

It started innocuously enough, clipping out pictures she saw of him and his father from the clinic’s advertisement brochures, watching him from afar play at the beach with his mother on vacation.  

But it wasn’t enough- she couldn’t just GIVE UP her child.

She started to stalk him, taking photos of him playing in his backyard, going through the garbage to find old school projects and tests in the trash can.  She would try to sneak into the house, bribing guards and getting in fights with the tutors trying to get into Melone’s home.  

Melone didn’t know the whole story between his parents and this “Surrogate” (he had been sworn to secrecy by his mother, knowing it was important to tell adopted children early on or risk causing severe trauma later in life)  but he knew his parents were becoming more and more stressed out.

One day, it came to a head, and Melone’s biological mother successfully was able to meet Melone.  

Melone was a little afraid at first, but his other mommy was so nice to him, and gave him lots of hugs and love like his other mom and played with him at the park.  

They actually had a really fun time together, and it had a lasting impact on Melone for the rest of his life.

But all good things have to end, and for the first time in his young life, Melone was confronted with death.  

Eventually, Melone’s bodyguards (his father had employed some after finding out about Melone's biological mother stalking him) caught up to them, and Melone and his mother tried to escape.  

Melone’s other mother was with the bodyguards,and when Melone saw her, he was unsure of what to do.

He loved both of his mothers, he wanted to stay with both of them, why were they making him choose?

Under His father’s orders The bodyguards, who Melone later found out were associated with passione, shot his biological mother.  Terrified Melone would be shot as well, his adoptive mother dove in front of him to protect him from the bullets.

Both of his mothers were shot, his father had ordered them to kill the bio mother no matter what, even if Melone got shot.  Apparently, MElone’s father would rather risk his son’s life than let his bio mother escape with them and risk the scandal.  Knowing this, his adoptive mother was shot and killed protecting him.  

On that day, Melone lost both of his mothers, the most important people in his life, all because of his father.  

It took a long time for Melone to process what happened-his father didn’t help things either.  He was just as cold and clinical with Melone as ever, and with no one who truly cared about him in his life, Melone withdrew more and more into himself and his studies.

He was civil with his father, and maintained his studies and health, until he officially turned 18.  

After years of planning, he poisoned his father in his sleep and killed him.

The Police were never able to press charges or find any evidence on him, but Passione noticed, and saw potential in him.  

They gave him an ultimatum, pass initiation and join their ranks, or get turned into the police by passione and get his inheritance stolen by the gang.

Without much of a choice, Melone agrees, and finds he actually likes life in la squadra

It goes without saying, his mothers were a huge influence in both his life and his stand.

Both of his mother’s lives were so sad and lonely because they couldn’t have a child.  

He desperately wishes he could have used Baby Face on his mothers, either not realizing or not caring about the implications.

Despite his mother’s best efforts, Melone never really had proper social interaction as a child, and it seriously screwed him over in life, even interacting with la squadra. 

 He’s read up on how to behave in public, social psychology, but it's not the same as learning as a child

It’s easier to learn those things as a child, which is why he makes sure to spend at least a little time with each Baby Face on how to behave and treat others; at least they can succeed where he couldn’t.

It’s also why he can’t control himself around women- he thinks he’s genuinely helping them by giving them children or getting them pregnant.

He’s giving them what his own mothers couldn’t

And you can BET he takes his role as father VERY seriously- you saw how he taught and trained Baby Face in canon.  He’s intense, but he’s also a lot more loving than his own dad was.

I’ll admit, this backstory is a little bit “Soap Opera” but I think it still fits him

[kz-i-co]

If Scars Could Dissapear

Request: "Hi, ummm...I have no idea how to go about this but, I'll give it my best shot! I have no idea If you are still taking requests, but if you are, I'd like you to make one on Hyungwon. With angst and fluff and a depressed reader (10 out of 10 description) because I'm a depressed little sh*t. You don't have to if you don't want to, i understand that you are busy with other past requests and I just thought I'd throw in a request. I'd like to see what you would do with this request IF you even decide to write it. You write your imagines/oneshots (I don't know what you call them!) with amazing detail and I thought I would request this to see how you would go about it. Once again, I understand if you don't accept it, I know you must be very busy with other things but I thought it wouldn't hurt to try. I'm going to end this here because I think I might have made it a little to long, with that being said, bye bye!" - MoMoIsNotFine

Pairing: Hyungwon x Reader

Genre: angst x fluff: depressed reader au

Words: 3k

A/N: I hope this one shot is okay for you. It's a sensitive topic and I hope I don't offend anyone in anyway. I think dealing with depression and suicide is very horrific and needs to be talked about more.

M.list | MX masterlist

You closed the mirror as your eyes were dark with bags, purplish bruises showing that you haven't slept in days. Everything was hazy.

"(Y/N) it's time to take your medication." The nurse spoke to the right of you.

She was forced to keep an eye on you during and that's exactly what she did as you shoved them in your mouth and swallowed a glass of water.

"Tongue." You rolled your eyes as you opened your mouth showing no pills in sight.

"It's time to settle down." The nurse spoke.

"Can I get something from the vending machine first and watch a movie?" You asked.

"Okay." She gave you an accepting expression as she knew you were trying to bend the rules.

"Be back soon." She spoke as you grabbed your cardigan to wear over your warm pajamas and sliding your feet into your nice comfy slippers.

You sighed dragging your feet to the closest machine. You have been at this hospital for two weeks now and you were done seeing the same old scenery everyday. You just wanted to go home already.

You made it to the machine seeing a tall boy selecting something that forced you to wait. You never noticed him before actually. You thought you knew everyone in the juvenile unit.

You sighed loudly as your patience became the worst of you. The boy grabbed what he wanted and bowed respectfully, making you feel guilty immediately.

"Thanks." You said quietly as he stayed quiet.

You wondered what he was here for? Everyone had a different reason that always has an interesting story behind it.

You wandered back down to your hallway seeing the tall boy aimlessly wonder into his room noticing you in the process. He softly waved as a small smile formed onto his pale face.

You waved back but couldn't help but grow confused. What was his story?

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

You scrolled through your phone bored out your mind as every channel was slowly becoming more and more irrelevant, making you want to pull your hair out. You rolled your eyes seeing random dumb Facebook post and ads filling the white screen, but the further you scrolled the more irritated you have become. Seeing your best friends hanging out at parties, not having a care about the world, especially you at the moment. Sure some would argue "you did this to yourself" but seeing how the people closest to you don't even care was a turn in the blade that was already cutting through the surface.

You ended up throwing your phone across the room, causing two loud bangs as it hit the wall and once again to the floor.

After having a little crying fit, you heard a soft knock on your door but choose to ignore it. But instead of another knock a small piece of paper slid underneath instead causing you to grow confused. You thought it was a nurse that knocked but now you couldn't help but wonder. You got up seeing the note on the floor with a simple message that caused you to softly grin.

"Are you okay?" The message said.

You grabbed your pen from your bedside table and wrote back to the stranger that awaited on the other side of the door.

"Who wants to know?"

"A worried neighbor." The note slide back. You couldn't help but smile as you finally decided to open the door. You saw the boy that stood out to you early sitting up against his door across the hall. He smiled softly as you just closed your door so you could sit and lean against it as well.

You took the note back and turned it over to start a new question. "Why are you so concerned?" You slide the note, leaning forward as he leaned meeting in the middle to grab it.

He took his pen writing something, continuing this weird game of telephone and slid it back over as you were already growing with anticipation. "In a place like this....doesn't everyone?"

"So why are you here?" You slide over the note once again.

He wrote something down but then hesitated to write more. "It's a secret.......but I bet your guess is as good as mine."

You couldn't help but giggle from his response. You figured your guess was as good as anyone else.

He was just like the rest of us in this hospital.

Just kids lost in the darkest parts of our own thoughts. The ones that can't control the temptation that is being spoken at every turn.

It's not like we are crazy. Just depressed.

"Thank you for cheering me up." You slid the note back one last time before receiving a soft smile and a simple wave and finally giving in to a long awaited good nights rest. You felt like it was the night you can finally let yourself have it as you found someone that understands you with the simplest of words.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

You dragged your feet, counting the tiles in the process as you made your way to the cafeteria. Once you saw the area, your eyes glanced across the room seeing the boy that couldn't leave your mind. Before you knew it, you were standing in front of his table about to sit down.

"Hi....mind if I sit?" He nodded as a soft smile left his lips. "Just wanted to confirm....you were the stranger at my door right?"

He nodded once again, not saying a word. Did he ever speak?

"Thank you about yesterday. You actually cheered me up." Nothing but a smile. "Umm...do you ever talk?" You finally asked but he just looked down playing with his food.

"I'm sorry." He reached his hand out to gently caress your hand comfortably. Then he slid a note across the table with a simple reply, responding in ink. "You're welcome"

Why didn't he speak?

He looked down at your hand once again noticing another clue to why you were here so you couldn't help but pull away.

"Oh that's nothing." You smiled softly.

He flipped through his little notebook again quickly replying. "You want to be friends?"

"Of course." You smiled brightly.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

You heard your daily knock as the morning was approaching and you were already up drawing on the back of your medical pamphlet from your lack of sleep that continued to haunt your days.

"I found this outside, miss (Y/N)." The nurse handed you a note from the one and only. You couldn't help but smile reading a simple "good morning".

"There it is." You looked up as you heard her voice. "I haven't seen you smile since you've been here."

You rolled your eyes as she continued to giggle. "I'm so happy you two are finding a friendship with each other."

"But I think we have to increase your dosage with the melatonin and l-theanine." She wrote on her clipboard. "We need those circles gone."

"Don't you think drugging me to be unconscious is the appropriate way to handle this." She glared at you.

"You need sleep dear. It's good for you."

"I have been sleeping though, much better."

"Yes, it's true. But we need just a little more."

"Jeez, my 2 hours turned into 5 and that's still not enough?" You proudly said sarcastically.

"Nope."

"Can I ask you a question." You began changing the subject. "Do you know why he doesn't speak? I know it's none of my business-"

"Hyungwon? He has a very traumatic past like a lot of you kids here." You come to realize that you never even knew his name.

"Unfortunately It's not my place to disclose that information. But what I can tell you is....continue to speak with him. He likes that." She continued as she started to walk out of the room. "Who knows, maybe he will tell you himself."

....

"Hey." You smiled as you stood outside his door. "I've come to realize that I have never properly introduce myself.....I'm (Y/N)." You held your hand out.

He smiled but quickly grabbed his notebook writing the name that you have already been spoiled. "Nice to meet you Hyungwon. Shall we go to lunch?"

He smiled.

"May I ask you something? And trust me you don't have to answer anything that makes you uncomfortable." You began. "But do you know how long you're in here for?"

He wrote. "Until I get better I guess."

"When will that be?" You continued to ask.

"When I speak." He wrote.

"I'm sorry but that's nonsense." You quickly grew insulted. Not with him of course but whoever is keeping him here. "There's nothing wrong with you if you choose not to talk."

"Thank you (Y/N) but I'm starting to like it here now."

You couldn't help but blush. You felt the same, all you wanted was to leave this place since you've gotten here but now you felt comfort within these walls. Or more importantly, the person sitting in front of you.

"I don't know how long I'm stuck here either. I guess until I get a proper good nights sleep is the starter." You giggled to yourself. "I've felt this burden inside of me as long as I can remember. I don't think I can get fixed, it's just who I am and I have to learn to live with that."

You looked up to see him just sympathetically smile.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

"Miss (Y/N), you have a visitor." Your nurse smiled as she opened the door wider to reveal your parents.

Seeing your parents, you couldn't help but feel hatred as the memories flooded back to you since they dropped you off. Not a call, not a visit for weeks. But the thing was your head wasn't flooded with emotions, at least not anymore, not since the drugs kicked in. The only thing you wanted to do now is show how much appreciation you learned from being here. You founded yourself embraced in a huge hug from your father and next your mother and honestly, you didn't want to let go. You missed them dearly and you understood that they love you and want you to get better.

"That's a good sigh." Your mother spoke and you looked up seeing her eyes flooded with tears. "We missed you so much."

"Me too." Was all you said. Your heart was still sore but it's getting better.

"You look so much better." Your mother caressed your face. "You'll be coming home sooner then your know it."

You stayed silent. You didn't know what to say honestly.

"Thank you for coming."

"We bought you your sketch book. You forgot it."

"Thank you." You smiled. "This will help take my mind off some things."

"How's it going in here?" Your nurse smiled seeing the family reunion.

"It's great." Your mother answered. "(Y/N) will be home before we know it."

"Yes of course. She has made great progress since she's been here. Even the circles are fading a bit."

"And she's even made a friend." Your nurse continued.

"Oh really?" Your mother spoke with an weary tone.  Like she wants you friends with other crazy kids stuck in this hell hole.

"Oh yeah......he's nice."

"Yes, they both have improved tremendously since they've met." Your nurse continued.

"You think that's acceptable to have patients mess with other patients while dealing with their own problems?" Your mother asked.

"Not at all ma'am.....it's best not to let our patients be isolated, communicating is the best way to deal with such problems. It's not about fixing our problems it's about learning to live with it." She sure as hell, shut your mother up.

"Of course". Your mother smiled.

...

Later after your parents left in a more resentful way then before, you began drawing immediately, almost like you were desperate to express what you missed out in weeks. It was a way to relax, forgot about the world around you and let yourself take in the simple tip of a pencil, mechanical you might add.

You couldn't help but draw a funny animation of Hyungwon and his silent mockery. You imagined him sweet and mute on the outside but on the inside him yelling for attention. Sure it was a dark meaning but the animation viewed it in a different perspective. Not everything needed to be so fragile and hidden away to never be talked about but to show that it's okay to deal with such dark topics and just learn to smile.

You knocked on his door and as soon as he opened it you revealed your drawing with a bright smile. He giggled softly as he let you in his room to probably write down his opinion, which of course he did.

"Thank you." He first wrote. "I love it."

"You're really good." He continued to write.

"Thank you. I've been drawing since I was 12." You smiled. "Do you have any request?"

You read his request as he started jotting things down. He wanted something you couldn't quite imagine. He wanted to be seen as a disk jockey releasing sound waves to make everyone feel happy and forget about this shitty world; to just let people stop and enjoy it while they can.

You pictured it more as he was using music to brainwash everyone but instead of mindless zombies, they were happy. "So musical zombies?" You perked up.

He rolled his eyes at your remark.

"I hate to be lame but I'm really glad I met you, you don't even have to say a word and you're the only one that is here for me."

"My friends haven't even messaged me if I was okay, or even cared enough to visit. My parents act like they care but they didn't have the patients to help me, instead just ship me off to a loony bin - no offense." You felt your eyes water but no tears to shed.

Hyungwon grabbed your hand, holding it softly. "I'm sorry." He whispered that it took you a second to realize he actually spoke instead of writing it down.

You didn't want to make a big deal about it but instead leaned in closer into his warm embrace. His hugs felt like they actually had intentions and feelings instead of a meaningless gesture.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Of course you knew your time in this place would be ending soon but you never know how quick the day would come. It would probably be longer if your parents weren't such paranoid pricks. They are scared of the idea of you friends with someone who is just as messed up as you.

"You think I'm ready to go?" You asked your nurse as you started packing?

"I think you're ready. You were stubborn to get help at first but you really opened up and I'm so proud. I think you just needed someone to understand what you're going through and I'm not talking about me or your parents, but a friend."

"Thank you." You smiled simply. "Can I visit said friend before I leave."

"Of course." And you immediately got up going next door to see an empty room, but of course you knew where your friend was hiding.

You walked into the chapel as your friend was messing with the only music source in this whole hospital. The site made you smile just seeing him mess with the synthesizer, but then it quickly faded as you had to break the news.

"Hey." You sat down next to him. "What you playing?"

"Stuff." He spoke lowly. Hyungwon has opened to you since that night a week ago, he's no chatterbox or anything but he's actually talking again and you felt happy it was because of you.

"I have to tell you something." You said more serious. "I'm.....going home."

"Home."

"But I promise I'll visit and then we can hangout once you leave." You we're trying to hold back your tears.

"It's okay." He whispered as he grabbed your hand.

"I don't want to leave." Then the tears finally fell. "I mean I wanted to leave since I've got here but I don't want to leave you." He tugged you to lean in closer.

"There you are (Y/N). Your parents are here." Your nurse spoke from the door and she immediately felt sympathetic.

You wiped your tears and leaned in kissing him on the cheek. "Thank you for everything you've done for me. I will see you later."

"Promise." He smiled.

"Promise." You held out your pinky, making it an official contract.

And with that you stepped out that door leaving behind your home away from home. The place you fought for weeks and weeks to leave. But now you were finally leaving but you didn't want to....

And it was all because of him.

[cablesscutie]

Oh could you do 3 or 17 for the zutara fluff prompt please?☺️

I love both of these- thank you! I'm going to save #17 for a little later, so here's #3: “You’re everything I could’ve wanted and more.”

PART 1 // PART 2 // PART 3

Zuko flips down the visor in his car to fuss with his hair one last time. Mai and Ty Lee had insisted that he pull part of it up to keep him from hiding behind his hair like he was wont to do when he got nervous. In this particular situation, Zuko found that it made him extra nervous to know that he didn’t have that security blanket, scar on full display. This was why he didn’t do blind dates. This poor girl was already suffering through the awkwardness of an ex’s wedding, and now she was going to have to do it while pretending to be vaguely attracted to him.

Her text the previous night had included a reminder of the time and address, as well as an apologetic note that, hey I’m sorry to heap more awkward on this, but apparently this ex is friends with another of my ex’s and it ended Badly...and I might’ve implied that you were a little more significant to me than a blind date? Really I’m so so sorry and I can tell them you have food poisoning or something if this is too awkward, but really all you have to do is not mention that we’re strangers. Sorry!! He’d had absolutely zero clue how to appropriately respond to that message. His first impulse had been to think that of course he didn’t want to pretend to be her boyfriend in front of not one, but two of her ex’s. But Mai probably wouldn’t see this as too much for the favor he owed her. Then his brain had flitted unwillingly to the Instagram account Ty Lee had showed him, and before he could stop himself, his fingers were tapping out That’s fine - see you then.

“Okay,” Zuko sighs, gripping the steering wheel until his knuckles go white. He closes his eyes and pulls in a deep breath, holds it, and on the exhale unclenches his hands and forces himself out of the car. The temple rises up before him in a series of spires and exterior staircases, terraced gardens overflowing with practical plants rising up around all of it. He follows the trickle of people who seem like they know where they’re going, glancing about idly for a familiar face.

She finds him first, which he probably should’ve expected given that his face stands out pretty clearly. She’s also more petite than he’d expected. If she weren’t wearing heels, the top of her head would probably tuck easily under his chin. Zuko shakes his head quickly to erase the thought before it can take hold properly, which unfortunately comes at the same instant that she asks, “Zuko?” and leaves her blinking at him in utter confusion. “Oh. I, uh.”

“I mean yes!” he rushes to correct, reaching out to grab her elbow as she starts to turn away. “Zuko. Me. I mean.” Fuck, he’s such a moron. He clears his throat and holds out his hand to shake. “Hi, Zuko here.” There’s a familiar and terrible heat in his cheeks and spilling down his neck, and he wishes to Agni not for the first time that he could be anyone but Zuko right now.

Katara laughs at him, as she should, but it is a kind laughter, all dimpled cheeks and sparkling eyes. The pictures hadn’t done her justice. “Hi Zuko,” she says, taking his hand and shaking it. “Katara here.” He can’t help but return her smile, goofy as it probably comes across. “Thank you again so much for coming to this shitshow,” she tells him as she drops his hand. “We should probably head inside - it’s starting soon.”

Zuko offers her his arm to be escorted up the stairs of the temple. It’s an old-fashioned gesture that has always gotten mixed reception, but Uncle has drilled manners into him so relentlessly that he always falls back on them reflexively when in a panic. Luckily, she slips her hand into the crook of his elbow with a smile, and his shoulders settle as he guides them both. Along the way, she catches him focusing on the planters, and asks, “do you like gardening?”

“My mother did,” he says reflexively, and he turns to her in time to catch the very moment she registers the past tense. He wants to kick himself for setting up pity or prying questions, but she just gives his arm a slight squeeze and says,

“So did mine. The flowers blooming every summer was her favorite part of the year.”

Usually, he is precious with his memories, but hearing the echo of his own grief in her wistful tone makes him actually want to share his mother with her. “She came from a family of traditional healers, and wanted to keep up the knowledge, so she grew all kinds of herbs and wildflowers that were used in old cures.”

She hums, and they walk along in silence for another moment before she says, “Did she teach you anything?”

“She started to.” It’s bittersweet, his mother’s unfinished legacy. “I have her books though, so maybe someday I’ll finish studying them.” Katara smiles at him, part sympathy, part understanding. Zuko’s heart pounds. When her eyes meet his, he almost wants to hide because it feels like she can see too much.

“Did you learn any cures for nerves?” Katara asks, the sardonic dip of her voice a gift to lighten the mood. Zuko smiles back, starting to laugh off the heavy conversation, but a flash of something catches his attention.

Katara’s eyes go wide as he lets go of her to crouch down and carefully pick a purple blossom. He does it just the way his mother had shown him, finding the right joint in the stem to make sure it will grow back, and with a gentle bend and twist, it breaks between his fingers. The fragrance follows him as he rises and offers the sprig of lavender to Katara. In trying to indicate that she should smell it, he almost shoves it up her nose when she leans towards it, but she giggles and wrinkles her nose adorably. Her fingers fold around his as she slips the stem out of his grasp.

“Thank you.

“Mom used to put a little vase of lavender in me and my sister’s rooms to help us sleep,” Zuko explained.

“I feel better already.” She sniffs the flower again as she slips her arm through his again to properly enter the ceremony space, her eyes fluttering closed for a fraction of a second that steals his breath away. This is actually going well, he thinks in utter astonishment. I keep tripping over my tongue like a moron, but for some reason she seems to like it. A voice in the back of his head that sounds uncomfortably like his teenage self sneers, Wow, she must be really desperate not to look single. Must be some impressive ex’s. Zuko’s heart stutters and slows back to normal. Right. This is a favor. He needs to focus.

Not least because his distraction causes him to walk right into the man who appears in front of Katara. “Sorry,” he says reflexively, stumbling back. Katara’s grip on his arm has tightened, keeping him from dragging both of them off balance. Despite her small stature, she is rooted firmly, anchoring them both. He realizes why as soon as the guy pretends to dust off his sport coat (which is not particularly neat to begin with) and purrs, “So Kat, this is the new guy?” as though Zuko isn’t even there. So this is the other ex.

“Zuko,” he and Katara say at the same time, in the same steely tone.

The ex looks briefly startled, but recovers enough to shake Zuko’s hand. “The name’s Jet.”

Zuko has never met Jet before, and yet he knows from the curl of his smile that he has made out with several Jets at various parties in college. “Pleasure to meet you.”

Jet squeezes Zuko’s hand a little harder, just to the edge of macho discomfort. “Pleasure’s all mine.”

Katara scoffs - almost inaudibly, but it’s there - and Zuko can’t help but look to her and say, “It would be, wouldn’t it?” It’s the kind of snarky remark he and Mai used to share under their breath at their parents’ insufferable dinner parties back in high school. The two women are nothing alike, but there is something similar to the ease he feels with his best friend as he stands beside her. She bites her lip, and her eyes glitter with silent laughter, and Zuko feels a much gentler heat kindling under his skin. Jet manages to look confused and dismissive in one twitch of his ridiculous eyebrows, but returns his attention to Katara undeterred. His eyes linger as they trace obviously over the v of her dress’s neckline and admittedly tempting curves draped in navy satin before he flashes her a pair of puppy dog eyes and asks, “Save me a dance?” When she doesn’t immediately respond, he tilts his head and entreats, “For old times’ sake?”

Zuko is irritated to once again be entirely ignored, and the possessive part of him wants to snap at Jet that all of Katara’s dances are already reserved for him. Hard-earned self control wins out though, and Zuko manages to remind himself that despite his attraction and the ruse he is meant to be perpetuating, he is not actually Katara’s boyfriend. There is no real reason for him to be upset if she chooses to dance with Jet. There are several reasons for the flutter in his chest when her expressive face hardens to stone.

There is no excuse or cutting joke, just one word, a complete sentence: “No.” She gives him nothing to play off of, no buttons to push or entreaties to make, and he backs down quickly.

“Oh. Uh. Okay, I guess I’ll just...see you at the reception?”

“Yeah, you’ll see us there,” Zuko cuts in, mouth stumbling ahead without him. He puts too much significance on the word us, but seems to bother Jet, and Katara leans into his side, so he figures it’s okay. Jet lifts his chin in a parting nod to him. Zuko just meets his eyes evenly as the other man turns away to find his seat. Shaking his head as he watches the guy go, Zuko says, “Pft. If your friend invited that guy, I think you need better friends,” because he has no filter. And then he remembers yet again that he doesn’t know Katara, much less her friends, and he is overstepping all over this situation. His free hand comes up to smack himself in the face. “Shit. Sorry I’m probably screwing this up so bad; I’m the worst blind date in history.”

A small, warm hand closes around his wrist and tugs his hand away. Katara shifts to stand in front of him, blocking the rest of the wedding full of strangers from his view as his attention narrows only to the bounce of her hair and the crescent of her smile.

“You’re everything I could’ve wanted and more.”

Here's the prompt list!

[ahopelessromantic]

Love in the Time of Corona ➳ S. Reid

Pairing: Spencer x Reader

Warnings: Some mentions of anxiety, Spencer is in love and forgets how to act like a person

Word count: 2,5k 

Prompts: 23, ‘You love me?’

Getting locked in a hotel with your colleague hadn’t exactly been in your plans. But maybe spending quarantine with Spencer wasn’t even that bad of a thing.

“Are you sure?” Chewing on the insides of your cheeks, you watched Spencer talk to Hotch on the phone. “Alright, call us if anything changes.” With a sigh, he hung up and turned to look at you. “Hotch is trying to pull some strings to get us back home, but for now we’re stuck here.” You nodded, your gaze darting around the hotel lobby. “I need to call Garcia, she needs to know where my spare key is so she can get in and feed Goblin, and shit, I probably don’t have enough food for him for two weeks at home, someone needs to-“ Spencer calmed you down with a hand on your shoulder. “Hotch said Garcia already went to your apartment and fed him, she knew where the key was from when she watered your plants last time you visited your parents. Goblin is well taken care of.” You exhaled and looked into his eyes, scanning them for any form of anxiousness. But there was only kindness in them, and you relaxed. If Spencer wasn’t freaking out, then why should you?

“Come on.” He said, a light smile on his lips. “Let’s go check out how badly assorted the hotel library is.”

Goblin was your cat back home in Quantico, a spoiled diva you loved unconditionally and worried about endlessly. You hadn’t exactly expected the state you were in to go into corona lockdown so suddenly and the whole ordeal made your whole body buzz with anxiety. Of course you wanted to protect as many people as possible from getting sick, and under normal circumstances you would have gone into quarantine without a word of complaint, but you just really wanted to go home. You normally didn’t have a problem with the middle-class hotels your employer booked for you when you were away on cases, but then again you also normally didn’t have to spend long amounts of time in them. Spencer and you had been sent ahead to go check out a possible serial killer case, and the rest of the team would have followed once you had confirmed there were lives at stake. But now, instead of investigating, all you could do was aimlessly roam the hotel’s dull hallways, wishing for a change of scenery or at least, your own four walls. The only distraction and good thing in all of this was Spencer, who was doing an amazing job at keeping you sane. Being alone with your thoughts so much wasn’t exactly the best for your mental health, and if anyone in the world could understand that it was Spencer. He knew what it was like when your own thoughts became a weapon sharp enough to destroy you.

“Look at this idiot.” You chuckled and turned your phone so Spencer could see the picture Penelope had sent you. “He knows exactly that he’s not allowed on the kitchen counter.” Spencer smiled, zooming on the picture of your cat passed out in the sink. “Looks like you raised him well.” He teased, causing you to throw your napkin at him. “Hey! I’ll have you know that I am a very devoted cat mother.” You both laughed, only to be interrupted by the maid that was on breakfast duty. She sighed and sent you both a dreamy look before pulling out her notepad. “Such a sweet couple you two are, makes me miss my younger days. Can I bring you anything else?” Instead of telling her about the second tea you had been meaning to order you just blinked at her in shock. Spencer across from you seemed just as frozen, the two of you probably looking utterly stupid to the hotel’s staff member. She just rolled her eyes and started loading your plates onto her tray. “Not there yet? Okay, I’ll leave you to it.” Once she was gone you both erupted into baffled laughter. It had been eight days in the hotel already, and you were slowly starting to make friends with the staff, but so far you hadn’t really been that close with them. Each day was a mere repetition of the one before, and you were barely clinging to the last shreds of normalcy and sanity anymore. Spencer and you met up for breakfast in the mornings, tried to work on the case for a bit just for the sake of feeling like you still had something meaningful to do, went to lunch, sought shelter in the tiny library that was mostly there for show, had dinner and then, sometimes, you went for a drink in the hotel lobby bar. The two of you were growing closer by the day. It was slowly beginning to feel like Spencer was just an extension of your own limbs instead of a whole different person. You had learned long ago that once Spencer felt comfortable around someone he latched onto them, but now it felt like your souls were truly melting together.

“There you are.” He spoke softly, sitting down across from you. You just acknowledged him with a smile, playing with the coaster of your drink. “I went ahead and ordered your favourite.” You mumbled and watched him nod. Spencer could tell something was off, feeling slightly helpless over how to help you. “You look awfully lost in thought today.” Surprised at his words you looked him in the eyes, not yet used to him being so tuned into your emotions. “I just-“ You stopped yourself to sigh heavily. “I feel like I’m slowly losing my mind. I can’t sleep properly and when I do, I have these really vivid, weird dreams, I miss my apartment and my cat… this just isn’t exactly how I expected this case to go.” Spencer nodded in understanding. “According to a research centre in France, there has been a 35% increase in dream recall, and participants of the study are reporting 15% more negative dreams than usual. Dream experts believe that the withdrawal from our usual environments and daily stimuli forces our subconscious minds to transform the invisible virus into a lot of different things in our dreams. Actually, it’s perfectly normal to be having weird dreams right now. I have them too.” You felt a warm feeling bloom in your chest. Whenever your mind got the best of you these days Spencer was there to bring you back to reality again. He was the ratio to your emotio. “Thank you.”, you mumbled shyly. He smiled. “Come on, let’s get you to bed. You need to get your mind off things.” Conveniently, your hotel rooms were right next to each other, so even after you parted ways for the night you didn’t feel too far from him. For some reason though, that specific night was the worst one for you since being quarantined in the hotel. Even after two hours of shifting you couldn’t find into the realms of sleep, despite feeling exhausted and drained from doing nothing all day. You finally decided to get up and make yourself a cup of tea, loudly stumbling over one of your shoes on the way to the electric kettle. You groaned when your behind met with the floor, not even the carpet properly cushioning your fall. Great. You had quite literally arrived at the bottom of things. A knock at the door ripped you out of your thoughts and, limping slightly, you made your way to your room’s entrance. When you opened the door your face was met with none other’s than Spencer’s, a worried look on his face. “Are you okay? I’ve been hearing you shift around for ages and then I heard a loud thump.” You smiled sheepishly. “I’m good. I just couldn’t sleep again and tripped on my way to make myself some tea.” He looked at you, something like worry in his eyes. And then, suddenly, he hugged you tightly. “Spence, what are you doing?” You asked with wide eyes, face smushed against his chest. “Did you know that hugging releases oxytocin? It’s a powerful hormone that works as an antidote for depressive feelings and anxiety. It also underlies individual and social trust. Hugs even affect our physical well being, for example by lowering our blood pressure. Scientifically-“ “Spencer, I love you, but for the love of god please shut up now.” You murmured, long having closed your eyes and leaned into his warm embrace. It was only then you realised what exactly you had just said. You felt him tense up. “You…” His hand on your back suddenly felt like it was going to burn through your skin. “You love me?” You leaned slightly away from him to look him in the face, surprised about your own words. “I think I do.” You spoke in wonder. Apparently, your subconscious had already known about your feelings for Spencer for way longer than your conscious self. But instead of answering, Spencer stepped away from you, a frazzled look on his face. “I… excuse me.” Helplessly, you watched him disappear back into his room, fear speeding up your heartbeat. What had just happened? Had the lockdown madness finally gotten to you? With trembling fingers, you closed your door behind you. That night you didn’t catch a minute of sleep.

The whole next day you couldn’t find Spencer anywhere. It seemed like he was actively hiding from you, and it made your chest hurt from rejection. He was smart and most of all he was your friend, you had really expected him to at least talk it out with you. But no, rather than that it seemed like he had never stepped foot into that damned hotel. It wasn’t until the late evening hours, when you had already gotten ready for bed, that you saw him again. He had knocked on your door, standing in front of you with an apologetic look on his face and three flowers clutched in one hand. They seemed oddly familiar to you, and at second glance you realised that he had stolen them from the hotel lobby. Before you could even begin to ask, he sent you a pleading look “Please, please don’t say anything right now. I want you to know exactly how I feel, and I practised it in the mirror but quite frankly I have never been this nervous in my life and I might forget something if you start speaking.” His voice was shaky, he was stumbling over his words like you had never seen him do before. “I’m sorry. For running off yesterday. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to tell you this for the longest time and then you just said it so casually and for a moment all my fuses burnt through. I’m so in love with you and I am so terrified because I’ve never felt like this, and I know that once I tell you this it will be real, and my life will change forever. I didn’t think there was a person out there like you, a person for me. There is no scientific proof for soulmates but you just… fit with me. I love you too, (Y/N). I love you.” His words had rendered you speechless. You felt tears run down your cheeks, and it was only when you felt Spencer’s hand wipe them away that you returned to reality. You placed your hand on his, further leaning into his touch, and sobbed. “I didn’t mean to make you cry, I’m sorry. This isn’t really my strong suit.” You laughed and pressed a kiss to his hand. “It’s not mine either. And don’t worry Spence, you were perfect. Thank you for having the courage to tell me. Just please, never run off on me like that again.” He leaned his forehead against yours and closed his eyes, a serene smile on his lips. “I promise.”

From there on, the rest of quarantine passed by incredibly quick. Now, you were actually glad you were locked in with Spencer. It gave the two of you the perfect time and opportunity to explore the very nature of your relationship. You started sleeping over in each other’s rooms, wearing each other’s clothes, at night Spencer lulled you to sleep by reading to you. When Hotch called once the two weeks were over to tell you that you would be able to return home with the jet you were almost disappointed. But at least this you could board the jet holding each other’s hands without worrying about anyone seeing. And it wasn’t too bad either that you had had your first time with each other and joined the mile-high club at the same time. You were never going to be able to look at those leather couches the same way again. Touched down back home in Quantico you had the orders to return straight home and quarantine for another fourteen days. Stood in front of your car you could tell that the two of you were trying to prolong your time together, rambling on about the most random things just to avoid having to say goodbye for two weeks. But watching him walk away after one last, long kiss filled your heart with such aching that you called out for him to stop. “Wait, Spence!” He turned around, an almost relieved look on his face. “Yeah?” He walked back to you, gripping the strap of his bag. “I know this is crazy, and maybe it’s too much considering we haven’t even officially talked about whether or not we’re dating now but… I just… hate the thought of suddenly not seeing you for two weeks straight after seeing your cute face every day for what feels like so long. So… do you want to quarantine at my apartment? We can get some of your clothes on the way there, and I promise I’ll cook whatever you want. I just don’t want to miss your morning cuddles anymore.” A wide smile had spread across his features while you had talked, and before you had even fully finished he had already nodded enthusiastically. “Thank god you asked, I didn’t know how to.” Both laughing, you got into your car.

“Oh, you gotta be kidding me.” Morgan groaned when he saw you and Spencer enter the BAU together once quarantine was over. You didn’t even have to hold hands for everyone to see that you were a couple now. “When did they start dating??” Emily looked at you with a grin, crossing her arms. “Technically, it doesn’t look like they started dating. They were just locked in together for so long that they fell in love.” Hotch joined your little group, the usual frown on his face. “Enough about the lovebirds, we have a case to get to. But-“ He turned to look at you and suddenly there was a teasing grin on his face as well. “Looks like quarantine treated you well, right?” You just rolled your eyes, burying your face in your hands. “Not you too, Hotch, not you too!”

Spencer actually didn’t even end up leaving your apartment once quarantine was over. In fact, he had gotten so comfortable that after two months, he terminated the contract for his own flat. Now, every Sunday morning, it wasn’t just you spread out on your couch with your cat anymore. It was the two of you.

[anxiouslyfred]

Blackberry Delivery Service

Summary: Where soulmates get plants that reflect what is done to each of them at unpredictable time of their lives, schools teach it’s about maturity. Virgil has known this is wrong since he got his plant at the young age of 8.

Remus never learns this before the night everything goes wrong gets followed by a day out of Roman’s daydreams.

/\/\

Nobody had figured out yet how the delivery service worked. There were classes in schools covering the history of soulmates and the plants connected to them which could go over how when people roamed the lands or lived in small villages and tribes they'd be drawn to the plants when they were ready for it. That still happened in a lot of the indigenous cultures, where spending time among nature was a larger part of their way of life.

For the people in cities though a delivery service had opened with the advent of a postal service. When a person became ready to care for their plant it would be delivered at a time they were alone at home and then the van would disappear for somewhere else. No base was known of for the Soulmate plants delivery, nor any greenhouses and plenty of legends surrounded the vans but nothing could get confirmed.

Virgil had read everything he could about them regardless. Originally it was dreaming that he'd get his plant one day and learn how he can find his soulmate with it. Receiving it when he was just 8 years old had grown the interest into the reasons people claimed they got their plants.

What schools taught was that if you are mature enough to care for someone, or something, living other than yourself and put their needs on the same level as your own then the plant would be delivered. The forums and multitudes of orphanages and care homes gave out different lessons, leaflets filled with personal stories about people getting their plant so they had something to look forward to, a reassurance there was somebody out their for them.

That was why Virgil received his plant. His parents had busy jobs and rarely spared a thought for their son, so long as he was fed, clean and his clothes were the good quality expected of reasonably wealthy parents. He'd gotten lonely and used to being ignored, or a second thought to everyone but the blackberry bust he received was a promise that wouldn't continue forever.

And that was how he continued on, looking after the plant and trying its best to help it grow. The thorns were longer than a normal blackberry bush and grew in a higher number but the berries were a wonderful balanced of sweet and tangy. It was soon Virgil's favourite treat, as long as the berries came from his soulmate plant. If only he could tell his soulmate was looking after theirs as well, but nothing changed except what Virgil did to the plant.

/Years Later for Remus\

It had taken far too long for Remus to save up the money for his own flat. Still, 10 times fired is 20 people he knows can't accept who he is, and he could finally move out from Roman's apartment.

He'd thought there could be a celebration, him and his brother having a game night or something to mark the achievement. Sure Remus would have liked to do more than that, go to a bar, or maybe bowling and see how many innuendos and dirty jokes he could make around it, but with Roman back in rehearsals a night in, getting him settled into the flat would have been nice.

Instead they argued, Remus hurt over the dismissal Roman gave. “I can't just fritter away hours with you. This could be a big break for me if it gets the presses attention so I have to be responsible for my time.”

“It's one night, Ro. One night to get that stick out of your arse, loosen up and just be silly again. Fuck, we could find an adventure on a hike and play dragons and princes again like we used to. Toast the fact I'm making it on my own now.” Remus had pleaded, just needing something to mark the change.

“Yeah and then in a month, possibly two, you'll be asking for an adventure or night out to celebrate you moving straight back in.” Roman scoffed, dismissing the idea and Remus's long standing dream of independence in one sentence.

Remus had slammed the door to his flat open then. He'd made the offer when they finished moving all his stuff over to the apartment and there was something darkly satisfying that he could now actually kick Roman out now. “Fuck you, Get the hell out of here! You've watched how fucking hard I've worked to get this and now you think I'm going to throw it all away for what?” He made no attempt to keep his voice down, too hurt and angry to care.

“Yeah, cause you're so mature. You haven't even received a plant to look after yet.” Roman had started to protest but as soon as Remus's missing plant was mentioned he was getting manhandled out of the door.

“I'm blocking you everywhere. I fucking trusted you!” Remus screamed, throwing cushions from the sofa at the door as soon as he'd slammed it shut, locking it behind Roman.

Remus had tried. He'd done everything he could think of to be mature enough to get that soulmate plant, but it still hadn't been delivered. Every day he hoped that perhaps finally it would come; that whatever spirits created and delivered the plants would finally realise he was ready for the soulmate plant.

He'd even kept a garden on the balcony at Roman's house. That was Remus's space and he'd kept it alive, thriving even. Every plant he'd had there had now found a place on window sills around the apartment, as specified to their requirements as Remus could manage.

For Roman to have thrown his missing soulmate plant back at him was too far, and his brother should have known that. It had turned the first night in his apartment which Remus had been so excited to finally afford from being a celebration to one of near destruction.

Remus had agreed with fix and redecorate the apartment for a reduced rent so he decided to move the screaming in his brain to chipping the cracked tiling away from the walls of the bathroom. The landlord had offered it when learning he was a joiner after his most recent building course. With every strike he wished it was a stem he could yank away from Roman's lavender bush, make him realise just how it felt to be missing something everyone insisted was important.

Mud, plants and carpentry could only get Remus so far until he was collapsing onto his new bed, and the tears came.

A new home, but an even lonelier life than before now he couldn't face the last person to try and stick with him again.

/A New Day Comes\

Remus thought the knock on his door must be Roman, trying to apologise or just explain himself. There were always more explanations from Roman than spoken apologies. The apology was shown in his behaviour and the time he cut himself off.

He definitely didn't expect the knock to be a blackberry bush and a van driving out of sight.

An apartment with no balcony or attached garden was probably the worst possible place Remus could try to grow blackberries, but he didn't have much choice, not over what his soulmate plant was, or where it could grow. There was at least a large window in his bedroom that he could find space for it in.

Remus gave it a small smile as he carried it through, leaving it at the foot of his bed for a moment. “Well I guess you were finally ready to come to me then. You just wait here while I shift some of your new friends around to give you a nice spot to rest in.” He says, stroking the leaves lightly before turning away.

“This isn't the ideal space for you, I know, but it's what I have and what's mine is yours, Buddy. Well for you and all my other plant friends of course. I don't care if your connected to my soulmate, these guys get all my love just as much as you do.” Remus was rambling, still mostly talking to the blackberry bush but nuzzling into the other plants he had as they were moved, some closer together and a couple taken to one of the other windowsills.

“I'm no more mature than I was yesterday so it seems like the teachers were just saying more bullshit to us all. Wonder why you're actually here though. Unless it's because I'm completely alone in the world now, and this is all just a complete scam. What makes me being completely alone the trigger when Roman got his years ago after a night moping that he's never be someone's hero?” They'd still been living with their parents when that happened, but now Remus was focused on being lied to by schools.

He shook his head, moving the bush to the new spot. “Maybe I should have tried mixing those chemicals in science labs given everything else they've lied over. I bet it wouldn't have caused anything fun to happen anyway. Now Buddy, you need a frame or some support to hook onto and then I want to start checking online if there are any people around caring for blackberry bushes. If my soulmate already has you then I'm gonna be telling them off for not caring for you properly. Lack of gardening knowledge does not mean you're unable to research a singular plant.”

Remus fell to humming as he started rooting through the boxes that hadn't yet been unpacked for his gardening supplies. He'd need to trim the bush a bit and get it tied onto a frame. There was plenty of time before he had work to get that done.

/Over to Virgil\

After growing up with his blackberry bush, Virgil never expected anything to change with it. He wasn't sure if that was because his soulmate was content to let him look after it or if they just hadn't received their plant yet.

This morning was proving they probably hadn't received it until now and were very knowledgable about how to look after their plants. Virgil had watched as the canes were cut, thorns trimmed away in the busier areas of the bush and then as a frame appeared in the pot, stalks being tied to it from the bottom upwards.

It had been a relaxing if confusing scene to watch but Virgil hadn't wanted to look away. There was evidence he had a soulmate and apparently one who's a very avid gardener.

Part of him wanted to cheer, to dance around his home screaming for joy. He had a soulmate out there, and now their plants were more identifiable than the wild growth that was all Virgil understood enough to achieve. There was a chance he could one day find someone who wouldn't just be talking to him for his family name, or in the hopes of getting a higher role in his mother's business.

It just made Virgil want to go out and start actually trying to find whomever they were, but what if they were annoyed that he hadn't taken better care of their plant? What if they had their life all put together and only cared about the plant because soulmates were meant to be important to them and he'd just disappoint them?

There were hundreds of what if questions that Virgil was now coming up with, stilling his hands as he went to search the 'match my plant' websites there were.

Instead he just double checked his Blackberry bush was watered enough and drew a V in the soil, washing his hands before finally heading into the restaurant his parents wanted checking on today. They'd decided Virgil should have a role as site inspector for the restaurants while they were refurbished or put together for a new site opening at some point and Virgil didn't mind the role. It gave him the chance to meet normal people in the builders, electricians and other skilled jobs as well as avoid special treatment from the restaurants staff since most of the time they'd never meet him officially.

Today the site was having fitted counters installed as well as the tables secured for the private booths. Virgil would really just be checking everything looked right and hoping to avoid chatting to the joiner for too long.

“Hey there, Are you the boss man for the site?” There was a man in fluorescent overalls trying to peer through the windows of the restaurant, knocking on them as Virgil walked up to it.

Most of the builders had been given the morning off so they didn't get in the way but the actions of the man had Virgil checking the time and realising he'd set off late after watching his plant get looked after. “Yep, that's me. Sorry I ran a little late. It seems like my soulmate has gotten their plant and was doing a lot of gardening for it this morning. I got distracted watching it.” The explanation was far more than the joiner needed to know, but it felt deserved given Virgil was late.

“Cool thing, Patches. I got mine this morning too. Must be a busy day for the delivery guys. You planning on letting us in or should I break a window and replace it on my way out?” The man had walked back to the van that was parked on the pavement in front of the restaurant as he spoke, but leaned back to wink at Virgil when he suggested the vandalism.

Virgil shook his head, snorting a little at the idea. It didn't seem serious so he wasn't going to treat it as such. “First, I'm gonna need to see some ID, preferably your traders license. Can't just trust people who ask if I run the building without introducing themselves at all.” He did pull the keys out of his pocket though, waiting beside the door as the other bounced back over.

“Well, I'm Remus, here's my card, call me whenever for whatever cause a body like yours I ain't gonna refuse.” Remus definitely checked Virgil out as he spoke but still handed over his license, a business card behind it that Virgil pocketed.

Unlocking the door, he shook his head again. “I'm Virgil and will need to call the company doing the rest of this place to complain about the state they've left it in. Sorry it seems to be chaos. I did order them to leave it clear yesterday but apparently my instructions were ignored.”

Remus didn't seem to care, already carrying various boards and his toolkit, just making large steps over any equipment or items left in his way. “I got a blackberry bush this morning. You said you thought your soulmate had got theirs today too so what's yours?”

“Oh, yeah, same. It's blackberries too. I've been scared that I'll hurt it if I do anything though so have mostly left it to grow its own way once I got a mini greenhouse to look after it in.” Virgil agreed, pulling his phone out, and falling into mumbles over how to make the call.

It was only moments later when Virgil looked up to actually double check the number, ever doubting his phone had saved it correctly, that he realised Remus had frozen and started watching him, large siding board still balanced on his shoulder. “Did I say something wrong? Is there something I need to raise as a big issue to like health and safety that I've missed?” He asked.

Remus bounced between his feet for a moment, almost falling before he remembered the siding and leant it against the wall. “No Dude, but like, does your plant look something like this now?” He pulled his phone out while speaking, flicking through a few screens before showing a picture of Virgil's blackberry bush, except it was surrounded by dozens of other plants on a windowsill that was in dire need of fresh paint and probably new frames all together.

“That's – That is my plant! Even down to the frame that appeared!” Virgil exclaimed, almost snatching the phone away to look closer at the picture. “I watched everything getting trimmed and tied onto the frame this morning.” He muttered, all thoughts of scolding the builders leaving his mind in the moment.

“So you're my soulmate then?” Remus asked after a minute of waiting for that connection to be made.

Virgil didn't think his eyes could get any wider or that he could be any more shocked than he already was, but that sentence would have managed it. “Well, must be, this is my plant so yeah.” He nodded frantically through the explanation.

He was a bit confused when Remus's expression darkened to a scowl. “This entire soulmate thing is fucked up. Nothing against you but is this stupid damnable universe telling me I had to go through losing or falling out with everyone I know only to get my plant and meet my soulmate on the same fucking day? It's ridiculous and stupid. If it wanted to pull this fairytale bullshit with anyone it should have been with Roman. This feels like he's fucking writing the story of my day just to spite me after throwing everything I've been trying to do back in my face yesterday.” The rant had Virgil backing away a little, sitting down on one of the benches as Remus carried on.

“I did every fucking thing I could to be whatever stupid ideal of mature this world wants before letting people have their plants for years! I scraped through course after course, job after job just trying to find one which I could make a career out of, earn enough to get even a ratty apartment I need to fix up for the landlord and then have the universe fucking telling me to speed run the entire process. Not just, hey Remus, you can finally have the soulmate plant to look after since you've been looking after your hundred plant babies so well, but hey Remus, you brother is a fucking bastard so you're all alone but here's a plant and hey, here's your entire fucking soulmate too.” Remus was screaming at the walls, the ceiling, anywhere that wasn't Virgil, looking like he was two steps from destroying the next thing he looked at closer to ground level.

Virgil usually felt panicked by watching displays of anger like this in real people. He'd usually do everything he can to get out of that situation but instead he just listened and waited, learning more from the rant than he'd expected to.

The yelling must have been audible from outside or something because there was soon a knock on the window of the restaurant, although Remus didn't seem to hear it. He did notice when Virgil stood though, falling quiet to watch him as though expecting him to say something.

With a gesture to the door Virgil went to open it, only to blink as someone almost identical to Remus stood on the opposite side, holding what he guessed might have been a peppermint plant. “Hi, um, sorry if I can't do this, but Remus hasn't been answering my calls and had mentioned doing some work here today. Is he still around?” The man asked, shifting to try and see further into the store.

“Who are you, first? And what's with the plant?” Virgil held a hand up to keep them outside, raising an eyebrow at their discomfort.

“His brother, Roman. I said something I really shouldn't have and have come to beg for forgiveness. The plant is part of my apology.” With that explanation, especially following the rant he'd just heard Virgil held one finger up before shutting the door in his face.

Remus seemed to have started getting his work tools out now his rant had been cut off when Virgil sat down again. “So that was some rant you had there and given I've had my blackberry bush since I was 8, I might be able to explain what actually seems to be the time the plants come to us. Before that though, are you going to start screaming again if I say there's someone at the door holding a plant and asking if you're here so they can beg for forgiveness?” He explained, watching as Remus turned to him and then deflated.

“He literally said I wouldn't last more than a couple months in my new apartment before having to live with him again, threw the fact I hadn't got my plant yet in my face last night and is now trying to apologise with a fucking plant?” Remus muttered, but sighed as he stood up.

Roman was let in silently and he seemed to watch Remus as if expecting something to be said first. Remus was watching his brother just as carefully, before glancing over to Virgil.

“Seriously. Are we sure the universe hasn't stolen one of Roman's stories and decided to dump me into it?” He asked, taking the peppermint from Roman and placing it in front of the window.

“I have literally known Roman for all of 2 seconds so have no clue what those stories might be like to say.” Virgil pointed out, knowing his expression was probably reflecting how crazy he found the question to be.

Remus rolled his eye, “I see no prostrating yourself on the floor to beg for forgiveness. This apology so far sucks worse than Mrs PeePee's apple sorbet.” He glanced over to Roman who was looking between them confused.

“Yes, of course dear Brother, except there isn't exactly space on the floor for that to be possible. I spoke entirely out of turn yesterday and should have never even considered speaking to you the way I have done. You have my deepest apologies and I swear that I will do everything I can to help make it up to you. In fact I would be honoured if tonight you'd accompany to the indoor mini golf course that's opening on the edge of town. It's rainforest themed and I hear rumours they've included a swamp area.” Roman bowed as he was speaking, actually glancing around to see if it was safe for him to kneel.

Virgil couldn't help snickering at it though, and Remus was soon to join in the laughter. “Let's all go actually. I need to know if this idiot is entertaining beyond cheap jokes and loud rants to tell the universe off.” Virgil agreed, before glancing at the sideboard and the time. There was still a couple of hours before the rest of the builders should arrive, hopefully enough time for Remus to do some of the work he was actually here for.

“Sure, you're forgiven and I think the universe has done pretty much everything I would have asked you to do or try to do already.” Remus agreed, jumping over a few things back to where he would be fitting the counters. “By the way, this is my soulmate and I got a blackberry bush this morning. Only figured that it was the same as his like 10 minutes before you got here.”

“Was that what the screaming was about? I thought someone was injured?” Roman asked, moving to the bench when Virgil shrugged and patted it.

Virgil snorted. “Yeah, Remus has a few things to say to whatever does soulmates about how today has gone for him. Not sure the universe listens to people screaming in restaurants-to-be though.”

Eventually Virgil would get Roman to share one of the stories Remus had kept referencing and had to agree: The day they met really did seem to come out of Roman's imagination.

[heyhey-heyward]

NO I DON’T | part two

series masterlist

summary: In which you realize that maybe you have feelings.

word count: 2.7k

let me know what you think!

The next morning found Kiara at your house as you got ready, waiting for John B to pick you both up in his van for the day's adventures. She was laying on your bed, scrolling through her phone as you bounced around to get dressed.

“Oh my god, did I tell you what John B asked me last night?” You stepped out of your closet once you finished getting changed out of your pajamas and looked at Kiara, who shook her head. “He asked me if I had a thing for JJ.”

“Well?” She looked at you expectantly, and you furrowed your brows.

“Well, what?” You repeated, confusion evident in your tone. She scoffed, the grin she was wearing a bit too smug for your liking.

“Do you have a thing for him?” From her tone, it was clear that she thought her question was obvious. Suddenly, the looks she had been sending you over the past couple of days made sense.

“Not you too.” You groaned, dropping your head back in annoyance as you picked up your backpack that held everything you needed for the day. Kiara chuckled at your reaction, climbing off your bed to follow you as you moved to go wait for the boys downstairs. “I promise, there is nothing going on between JJ and I.”

“If you say so.” She shrugged, echoing John B’s statement from the night before. You could tell by her tone and grin that she clearly wasn’t convinced, though you chose not to respond, dropping the subject completely when you entered the kitchen and spotted your mom drinking coffee at the island table.

“Hello, girls.” Your mom greeted you both with a smile. “Have you gotten your Midsummers dresses yet?” Since your parents had grown up on The Cut, they were eager to take part in any events that solidified their Kook status. You, on the other hand, couldn’t care less.

“No, but I was thinking of going tomorrow.” Kiara explained with a smile. What she didn’t say was that she waited so long to get a dress because, just like you, she thought the whole event was ridiculous.

“I’ll go with her.” You told your mom, knowing that was going to be her next question. Shopping with Kiara would mean one less headache and you would be able to enjoy yourself.

“And have you thought about having someone escort you?” She wasn’t being controlling, you could tell from the smile she was wearing that she was simply genuinely curious. Just as you were grabbing a couple granola bars out of the pantry, a familiar honk sounded from the driveway and you knew it was your chance to escape.

“Bye mom!” You called, grabbing Kiara’s arm and racing out of the house. John B’s van was parked exactly where you knew it would be, with Pope in the passenger’s seat and JJ’s head sticking out the sliding door. You climbed in with Kiara in tow, the dark haired girl was grinning mischievously at you.

“Yeah, are you going to have someone escort you?” She teased, reaching out to pinch your cheeks as you slumped into the spot next to JJ. His arm found its way around your shoulders like it usually did, and he was looking between you and Kiara with a confused look.

“Shut up, Kie. I’d rather choke than go with some stuck up Kook.” You rolled your eyes, leaning further into JJ to get away from her. She grinned, settling into her spot across from you as John B pulled out of the driveway.

“Are you talking about Midsummers?” Pope asked over his shoulder. You nodded, rubbing your cheeks that stung a bit from where Kiara pinched them. “I’m supposed to work it with my dad.”

“When is it again?” John B asked. The boys looked to you and Kiara for answers, wondering when their group of five would be knocked down to two.

“It’s in three days, and we have to go dress shopping tomorrow.” Kiara explained as you picked at your nails, clearly bored with the conversation. You felt JJ shift from beside you, drawing your attention and when you met his gaze he was frowning.

“We were supposed to watch C.H.U.D. that night though.” He pouted, and even though he was the best liar of the group, you could see the mischief in his eyes. He wasn’t actually upset, but he would never be one to pass up the chance to tease. You shoved his shoulder playfully while still grinning at his antics.

“Sorry I’ve got to bail on you, we can hang out another time.” You assured him, turning to John B to ask him where he was taking everyone, but you didn’t get the chance to say anything before Kiara spoke up.

“Why don’t you just go to Midsummers with her?” Her question was innocent enough, but coupled with the conversation you had with her minutes earlier, you shot her an exasperated look. Though, the idea of having JJ with you at the event had you significantly more excited for the night. He would be able to make the stuffiest Kook party actually enjoyable.

“Yeah, J, I’ll even rent you a suit and everything. And Kie could bring JB. It’ll be a Pogue takeover.” You nudge him with your elbow, earning a grin from the blonde. The look he gave you, for some unknown reason, sent a shock through your system. You had always known he was attractive, but the sight of his dimple and the lightness in his eyes caught you off guard.

“Maybe I will.” JJ announced, pulling you tighter into his side as he switched his attention to the other three people in the car. John B echoed his sentiment, and as JJ leaned towards the front to make some joke about how Pope was going to have to serve him, Kiara shot you a self-satisfied look that made you roll your eyes.

“John B, where are we even going?” You called, your voice loud enough to carry over JJ and Pope’s back and forth bickering. You met the brunette’s gaze through the rearview mirror, noting the mischievous gaze that told you that he was up to something.

“We’re having a kegger tonight.”

A few hours and one free lunch from Kiara’s family restaurant The Wreck later, John B dropped you and JJ off at the store to pick up some last minute items for the party.

“I can’t believe I got put on cup duty.” JJ complained, grabbing the large package of red solo cups off of the shelf. You rolled your eyes, grabbing an extra pack to make sure there was enough.

“I’m on babysitting duty, so it could be worse.” You teased, ruffling his hair as you flashed him a grin and walked ahead of him.

“Oh, so we’re being mean now, are we?” He called, trailing after you. You could hear the smile in his voice, and when you glanced at him over your shoulder your suspicions were proven true. You nodded at his statement, only realizing your mistake seconds later when his arms came around your middle and he spun you around, fingers digging into your sides to tickle you.

You didn’t hear the cups hit the ground as you both dropped what you were carrying over the sound of your laughter. JJ’s arms were around you, keeping your back pressed to his chest as you tried to squirm out of his hold. Eventually he dropped you, and you immediately spun to face him, swatting his shoulder as he laughed loudly and you tried to catch your breath.

And then it hit you.

A stampede of butterflies fluttered in your stomach as you watched JJ giggle uncontrollably at his own actions. Your whole body felt warm, and everywhere JJ had just been touching you was tingling. It was as if everything you had ever known was coming into question and you weren’t sure you would be able to tell up from down. But worst of all—John B was right.

You had a thing for JJ.

You were dragged out of your thoughts by JJ waving his hand in front of your face, calling your name. You forced a smile, embarrassed that you had been caught zoning out as you thought about how you could have gone so long without realizing your feelings for one of your closest friends.

“You good?” JJ asked, picking up the cups from the ground. You nodded, clearing your throat as you made a bee-line for the cashier. The old man working the register shot you an annoyed look, clearly not the happiest with the fact that you had been so noisy just moments before.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” You said, way too quickly for you to be actually fine. You could tell JJ wasn’t convinced, but he kept his mouth shut as you paid and he followed you out of the store with the cups in hand. Originally, the plan had been for JJ to come to your house and hang out for a while, but at the moment all you needed was to put some distance between yourself and the blonde haired boy who’s gaze was making it hard for you to breathe properly. “Actually, I just remembered that I promised my parents I’d help them with something today, so I’ve got to head back.”

“Do you want me to help too?” He asked, and you silently cursed him for being such a kind person. You probably wouldn’t be in this mess if he wasn’t such a secret softie towards his friends. Plastering on the biggest smile you could muster you chuckled, internally cringing at the sheer awkwardness of it all.

“Is JJ Maybank offering to work?” You teased, ignoring the confused look he gave you or the way your voice was a few octaves too high to be normal. You started to walk backwards in the direction of your house, shooting him one last wave. “I’ll see you at the party.”

If this was how you were going to act around him from now on—you were in trouble.

You arrived at The Boneyard that night after the party had already started and Pogues, Kooks, and Tourons alike were already drinking. After your little freakout at your house, you had calmed down significantly and convinced yourself that you’d be able to act normally around JJ, because it was just JJ, one of your best friends since the third grade when John B introduced the two of you.

You spotted your group of friends sitting around one of the many small bonfires that littered the small stretch of beach dedicated to parties. You head towards them instead of the keg, not wanting to deal with the group of Kooks that currently surrounded it. You swung an arm around Pope’s shoulders as you dropped into the spot on the log beside him, interrupting his story about something his dad had told him as a cheer of your name sounded from the group. You smiled at them, ignoring the way your heart skipped a beat as your gaze momentarily landed on JJ.

“Where have you been? I thought you weren’t going to show.” John B teased with a grin. You went to give him some comeback about how you weren’t sure you would have been able to stomach one more party with him, but JJ’s voice added onto the brunette’s comment.

“Yeah, after you freaked out and bailed on me this afternoon.” He remarked, punctuating his sentence with a drag of the blunt he had rolled for the party. You felt your smile morph into a grimace, and to avoid meeting anyone’s questioning looks, you stared into the fire.

“My mom has been freaking out about Midsummers, she wanted me to help her pick out a dress today.” You lied. It was clear that something was up, but nobody questioned you as John B rose from his seat, extending a hand to pull you to your feet.

“Come on, let’s get you a drink.” He explained, leading you through the crowd and towards the now-empty keg. “So are you going to tell me what’s really going on? Because I’ve already seen the dress your mom picked out for Midsummers, like, two weeks ago.”

You cringed, embarrassed to be caught in a lie. Your silence must have told John B all that he needed to know, because it was seconds later that his grin widened and he was laughing at you.

“Oh my god, you do have a thing for him!” John B called out, much too loudly for your liking. You shot forward, slapping a hand over his mouth to keep him quiet. He leaned back out of your touch, shooting you a grin as he finally moved to fill a cup for you. “I knew it. So, what happened? JJ didn’t say anything—”

“Nothing happened, John B! I just kinda, freaked out and left.” You sighed exasperatedly, tilting your head back in annoyance. You knew nothing would stop him from teasing you, you certainly wouldn’t hold back if you were in his position, but he also wouldn��t cross any lines.

Still, he wasn’t the best secret keeper once he had a few drinks in him.

Your solution to your John B problem had been to stick by his side the entire night. It wasn’t far from what you usually did at parties, but you also had been avoiding JJ as best you could—which, you couldn’t remember the last time you put so much distance between yourself and the blonde.

A few refills later and you were feeling loose, your mind able to wander other places instead of being stuck on the fear that JJ might find out how you felt. You had been messing around with John B, and somehow had ended up climbing onto his back.

“JB, I swear, if you drop me…” Your threat was empty as you trailed off, earning a loud laugh from John B.

“You’re the one that asked for a piggy back ride.” He teased, and you shut him up by holding your cup up to his lips to give him a sip. He went back to his conversation with Pope and Kiara after, and you zoned out as you felt a pair of eyes on you. Glancing up, you found JJ staring at you and John B with an annoyed expression, not giving the time of day to the Touron that was clearly trying to flirt with him.

You furrowed your brows in confusion, wondering what could have upset him. You entertained the idea that it was because you were ignoring him, and that made a heavy weight settle in your stomach.

“I’ll be right back.” You told John B, interrupting whatever story he was telling. You pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before he set you on your feet, and you made your way through the crowd to where JJ was standing. His expression only seemed to get more sour, and you briefly contemplated turning back. You steeled your nerves and ignored the fluttering in your chest as you stood before him. “Hey, are you all right?”

“‘M fine.” He grunted, even less convincing than you had been earlier. And while you had lied because you were overwhelmed with a slew of new feelings towards one of your closest friends, he was lying because something was making him mad.

“J, what’s wrong?” You continued. Usually, you were pretty good at reading what upset JJ, from Kooks to his father, you knew him well. This time, it was as if there was a wall between you and him and you weren’t sure why he had built it up.

“Why don’t you go back to John B?” JJ wasn’t even looking at you as he spoke, his gaze trained on the cup he was squeezing too tight to be normal. You were shocked at the accusation he was making, that there was something going on between you and your oldest friend. You huffed, annoyed that he was being so difficult. You would have corrected him, but you had a stubborn streak as well, and just wanted to enjoy the party. So instead, you dished out the attitude that he gave you, before turning back to where John B, Kiara, and Pope were waiting for you.

“Get over yourself, JJ.”

—

taglist:

@pixelated-pogues​ @obx-direction-sos​ @emptycanvasposts​ @rudethchalamet​ @drizzlethatfalls​ @obxlife​ @fangirlvoice​ @jayjaymaebank​ @k-k0129​ @starryblueeyesandstarryblueskies @perfektionsmakel​ @teamnick​ @sspidermanss​ @jjs-housekeeping​

(names with a strikethrough did not work)

[biotchthatmeows]

#tw #suicideawarness #triggering #depression #suicide #substanceabuse

Ah! So suicide awareness month eh. Well I don't know where to burst out exactly because people don't really care about it but ok let's try it here at good ol' Tumblr.

So, where I live we don't have any suicide helpline or any awareness programs or anything at all regarding mental health. I mean don't get me wrong we would adapt western media full fledge when it's Valentine's Day or some other ridiculous thing but no one wants to talk about suicide because it doesn't bring trp and people are already sad and I agree it's true.

But we gotta talk about suicide, man, come on. I am sorry but at least I think I should.

I have never really openly said it but I have given hints many times. But I am openly saying it that I suffer from very severe depression and anxiety plus Bipolar personality disorder. Which means I am either going through maniac episode or depressive episode almost everyday (you can Google them).

And yes, I have tried to kill myself multiple times. And turns out like most things in my life I am not really good at it. Since, I am writing this. Which is why whoever is reading this, I am taking your time (thanks btw).

I was always a little different since my childhood as compared to others. I liked being alone a lot and writing things instead of talking to a person. Because whenever I tried to make a friend I would do something wrong and they go away. So, at one point I stopped trying and I realized something that people around me dont really like me.

Even my teachers kind of didn't like me because I would just randomly ask the most peculiar questions. For example when we were reading *book spoiler* George Orwell's 1984, everyone in the class was worried for the hero when he was being tortured but I asked or told my teacher that 'okay so, his fear for the mouse was bigger than the love for the girl and it okay to betray her?' and everyone was like that was not the point. I am sorry, I got districted and I am sure most people wouldn't get the reference.

Anyway, my point is that I always had and have questions about things when people should keep their mouth shut. At least one shouldn't questioned these things.

But that is still the thing with me, when you or someone makes a prominent statement there should be a reason or at least an explanation behind it but I was called blasphemous for questioning them. And that was fine with me but calling me blasphemous didn't get you out of the position of not able to justify your statement.

So, throughout my life I was called many things, spoiled, brat, weird, drama queen, actress, attention seeker. I can go on and on.

I don't know about rest of the names but I am pretty sure I wasn't spoiled. My parents were never the type to hand over the money because you asked for it. They were kind of people who wouldn't even give you money even when you actually need and beg for it. They would give you the thing instead that you need the money for or you don't get it at all for example school picnics and events or the bag you really really wanted.

So, well when you don't get things. You eventually start doing bad things such lying a lot and stealing stuff. And it keeps growing and growing and even though deep down you know how wrong you are but then you don't know how to stop because you are getting things you want.

Okay, off the topic again. What I am trying to say that I was maybe lot of things that people said but I wasn't spoiled. I was physically abused and eventually realize mentally abused too. And things weren't really okay with me. I won't take it like most people do.

My brain wouldn't stop thinking about them and I was becoming more and more irrational as days goes by. And I was thinking what if I was dead and that would make things lot more easier for me and the people around me.

Eventually, that idea became more and more intense and growing around I always heard people say that if a person kills themself they would never be forgiven and it was the greatest sin ever.

But then those people would also say that not praying is the greatest sin and you won't be forgiven for that ever.

And then not believing in one God is also the biggest is of all sin and you won't be forgiven for that ever.

And then saying hurtful things to people is also the biggest sin and you won't forgiven until that person forgives you.

So, which one was the biggest sin? All of them? Because then those same people would say that God would forgive you for all your sins if you repent and because God is most forgiving. Even more forgiving then your own mother.

So, my curious brain once again started asking questions. For which again I was told that I shouldn't because it was wrong and blasphemy.

Meanwhile, my mental health was decling day after day but no one really noticed because in our society their is no such thing as mental health. Either you are crazy or lazy, hey that rhymes.

I was pretty much deemed both.

Mostly, lazy but then there is a solution for that in our society for as well. Get married! Tada! Because when you are married it fixes everything! And anything.

It shouldn't come as a surprise that I obviously despiced the marriage thing. Because I knew I couldn't do it.

Someone who can barely keep themself put together, cannot handle the responsibility of the marriage and of course I wasn't interested in anyone. I mean of course I had crushes and stuff but unlike most girls/women my age I never went as far as thinking about marriage all the time. Which was happening at that time all around me.

People were keen to get married or getting married.

And I don't know why people thought it's about time I should get married too and everytime the situation like that came along I would have the worst kind of panic attacks. I couldn't eat or drink or sleep and I had to fight and fight to make the situation go away.

But you can't win every time now, can you? Eventually, I was forced into getting engaged and I can't explain how horrible each second for me during that time was. But once got lucky enough get out of it and it was happiest day of entire life. Well just for me of course. Everyone around me was pretty bumped but I was selfish because I got out of it.

And the worst part of the whole thing that bugged me was that guy was honestly horrible. He called me fat and then his family came around to inspect me like a cattle because my family told them I wasn't fat. What a wonderful thing to your child. Really helped my self esteem.

He couldn't even spell aunty right. Yeah he wrote 'unty' and apparently his parents bragged he went and study in Australia. So, if Australians wrote aunty like that, then I suppose I was being a little judgy.

Anyhow, I was so relieved. It was like I could breathe again. But obviously it wasn't the end of it.

Things like that don't don't just end for people in our society. Situations like that kept happening and my parents was getting desperate at this point because duh! I was growing old and who would marry an old girl even when like they 10 years older her.

During the period of my engagement my mental health was at its worse and it was getting worse everyday. I was constantly having panic attacks and one day out pity I was finally taken to the doctor not a psychologist or psychiatrist but just a normal doctor.

Lucky for me that guy prescribed a magical pill which fixed everything, for a while and I loved it. The minute I would take that pill everything would become normal. I would even stopped caring about the engagement thing till that pill lasted.

I didn't know at first what it was but then I figured it out and I would go out buy shit ton of them because it fixed things for a while.

In short I was addicted to vallium and then I found out there are other pills like that such as Xanax and plenty of other and as long as I had money no one cared who they selling these pills too and it wasn't like I was buying them from some shady person. I was actually buying them from legit pharmaceutical shops.

So, whenever situations like those came around or at that any other point I faced problems I would take those pills but then I realized that eventually that they stopped working so I increased the doses for them to work and the doses increased and increased. At one point I was taking a box each day just for a moment of calm. And years went by and so did the amount of pills I was literally throwing my whole month of salary on them.

Then my family finally noticed that something was off because I never had money and I wasn't exactly

buying anything so where was the money going? Also I was sleeping a lot and starting to forget things which was pretty out character for me.

I was confronted and given an ultimatum. So, for a week or more I think I didn't take any pills but then I was taking them for years now and you are not supposed to suddenly stop them. But I didn't know that at that time.

And that was my first attempt to kill myself. But then things happen, bad things, and they kept happening and happening. Finally came a point where no one was to stop me from taking pills or trying to kill myself.

By then I had committed multiple attempts to kill myself. I was self harming long before that but after that it had gotten much worse. And my last attempt was this year but instead of dying I went into a seizure which lasted 48 hours and even after that I wasn't able move my tounge properly and certain part of my body for a month.

That was the first time I was scared of suicide. Because I was not able to do anything on my own. I bit tounge so hard that it bled and broke a teeth. It worse than dying.

I was finally taken to the hospital and a real psychiatrist who finally diagnosed me with my illness.

Yet still, some people think I make things up because I did them in the past but that shit was real and anyone who say I act crazy to get attention, then I swear to you that you wouldn't wish that condition on your worst enemy.

Talking about all this wasn't to let my heart out or anything. I just want to tell you and anyone who understands to realise that mental illness is very very real and it's a nightmare that doesn't go away. That only problem it is not visible like other diseases. It's just like having a cancer but imagine you can't see that cancer.

And being suicidal is not a joke, no one wants to end their lives on purpose. Everyone wants to live.

But just think for a moment from prespective of the person that their brain had been through enough that it thought that life is not worth living anymore. And if it's a sin then they are ready to go to hell because imagine life being worse than hell.

I know this is already a really long post but I needed to bring this up because recently I was having conversation with colleagues about what we should about suicide awareness month and I was like maybe make post to empathize with people who go through this horrible rough path but my colleagues suggested that they should put this religious script which says that anyone commits suicide will never be forgiven and will forever be in hell.

And this was coming from the person who doesn't pray at all. I was like what about you? I wasn't judging him. I was like so you won't go to hell and be there forever?

And he was like I will be forgiven but people who commits suicide they will not be. And he was so confident that he even said that you will see on the day of judgment that people who didn't pray will be eventually forgiven but there is no way for people who had committed suicide to be forgiven.

And I was like okay, wow! Because there is literally no point with arguing or trying to make people like them understand because they won't. And I know many, actually forget many but most people would agree with him. Because they don't even accept mental illness as illness at all and if you are sad/depressed you must not be praying or need to pray more.

But, I pray for those ignorants who make fun of mental illness and suicide and call it attention seekers or actors when it is desperate cry for help.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #335

“on my forehead, a birthmark  /  remove it with the kiss of a knife  /  even if it causes me to die”

Do you recover well from surgery? Judging by the two surgeries I've had, oh yeah. I was hyper as hell when I came home from getting tubes put in my ears as a little kid, even though the doctor said I'd be very sleepy. Then, after my cyst removal, I was put on very strong painkillers but was still warned it was going to be a painful recovery, when it totally wasn't. I literally only took painkillers the first day. What addictions have you had? Caffeine, technology. Would you change your name if you became famous? Nah. If Cupid were real, would you hire him to make someone love you? No. I don't want somebody forced to love me. Ever been to an auction? No. Which word(s) do you generally use to describe someone attractive? (e.g. “fit”, “sexy”) It kinda varies with gender. Women I tend to call "beautiful" or "gorgeous," sometimes "hot" or "cute," while men I usually refer to as "handsome" or "hot"/"sexy." The last person you kissed - are they older or younger than you? She's a bit younger. When was the last time someone wanted you to do something, and you refused? Hm. I dunno. I have a hard time saying "no," so. When was the last time you had Pop Tarts? What flavour were they? Many months ago; I kinda stopped eating them because they're truly not filling and just a load of sugar that veils itself as an actual breakfast choice. But anyway, I liked the chocolate sundae ones. Have you ever felt a temperature below 0? No. Did you ever play Spyro? I LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!! SPYRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Those games were my CHILDHOOD, and it's half the reason I'm dying for a PS4 to play the remastered trilogy. Speaking of which, it'd be awesome if they remade the The Legend of Spyro trilogy as well. I might just like those games more than the originals, but that's a bold statement I'm unsure about. Have you ever dated someone who was of a foreign origin? I dated a Hispanic guy for less than a day. Have you ever read any of your idols’ books/autobiographies? Ozzy Osbourne's, yes. I'm just fucking waiting for Mark to write one, but he's always said he has so little interest in writing about his life. DO IT, YOU FUCK. Do you own any succulents? No. I think they're pretty, though. Do you have a drone? No. What’s your favorite Netflix series? *shrug* What is something a lot of people like but you don’t? Summertime. The heat, the humidity (at least here), the sunburn from just standing outside for ten minutes... I hate all of it. The ONLY two things I enjoy about summer is swimming and then flowers, though spring is the more floral season here anyway. Do you have revenge fantasies that you never actually play out? They've... happened. Did your first real significant other change you at all? Pretty sure forever. Are you waiting to have sex until you’re married? Once upon a time, that was the plan. Now, nah. I'd just want to be in a healthy, stable, and long-term relationship. What do you think about divorce? It's sad, but necessary for some people in order to be happy, which everyone has the right to be. I used to be very firmly against divorce except in extreme cases like abuse, etc., and I'm still definitely no fan of it and think couples should do their best to work things out, but it's incredibly unfair to believe that someone should be stuck for the rest of their life with a person they just don't love anymore. Getting married can be a mistake; don't damn people forever to be chained to their bad decisions. Do you remember the first time your heart broke? What was the reason? It was probably when Dad just abandoned us. What's the worst prank someone has ever done to you? I don't think anyone's ever pulled a sick joke on me. Have you ever seen someone sleepwalk? Yes; my little sister deadass tried to walk outside late at night. Thank God I was on the computer in the living room and stopped her. What song are you listening to right now? I just turned "Mutter" by Rammstein on. When is the last time you cursed? I'm not re-reading, but I have probably cursed fifty times in this survey already. It's so deeply ingrained into my vocabulary. Are there any words on your shirt? No; it's just a plain gray tank top. Why do you forward forwards? I never do because they annoy the fuck out of me. How many people are you interested in at the moment? Just one in a healthy and logical way. I can't be truly interested in Jason because like come on I haven't spoken to him in four whole years. My PTSD just ensures I never forget the memory of who he was, who probably no longer even exists. I mean, look how much I'VE changed in four years. Do you know any mechanical stuff about cars? Nnnnope. Who was the last person (apart from family) that you spent time with? What did you get up to? Apart from family, I have no idea. If you have pets, when was the last time one of them got on your nerves? Venus never does, but Roman can get on my nerves sometimes when I don't let him lay on me when I'm on the laptop in bed. He's a large cat (not overweight, just a big male cat) and blocks the screen big time unless he lies down properly, which he doesn't always do. He still tends to win when he tries to come over, but sometimes I'll block him with my arm, and this spoiled brat will actually slap it a few times before walking away lmao. Would you rather live in a house with a swimming pool or an indoor cinema? Absolutely a pool. I want one badly. Do you own a credit card? If so, do you currently owe any money on it? Could you afford to pay it off tomorrow if necessary? No. How many hours of sleep do you typically get each night? Is that enough to function or would you rather have more? Especially lately, I don't get nearly enough. Like at the time I'm answering this question, it's 4 AM, and I've been up for almost a couple hours. I struggle with falling asleep, I will ALWAYS wake up at least once in the night, and I jerk awake from nightmares regularly still. It's a big reason why I pretty much require naps. Does your house have a loft/basement? Are they functional or do you just use them for storage? We only have an attic. Do you suffer from road rage? What kind of thing tends to set you off or wind you up while driving? No. I'm way too timid of a driver to get that outwardly pissy about stupid people. I'd just judge them in silence, haha. What kind of animal did you last see in the wild? Is that a common sight where you live? Because of just how common they are, I'm going to assume this excludes birds, in which case it was probably a squirrel? Yeah, the normal brown ones are common. Do you post a lot on social media? If so, what kind of thing do you tend to post on there? Since I was fucking stupid enough to post a suicide note on Facebook (I don't want to hear a goddamn thing about "attention seeking," I genuinely wanted to say goodbye), I almost never, ever, share things about my personal life. Even before, it was rare for me to actually share what's going on with me. All I really do now is share relatable, wholesome, or funny shit I find, as well as political things I'm in firm agreement with. What are some habits you have in common with your parents? I pace like my dad, and it drives people crazy because it apparently makes them anxious? I can't think of an obvious one I have with Mom, but I'm sure one exists. Where's your favourite place to swim - the ocean, a pool, river, lake etc? I feel safest and most clean in a pool, but c'mon, swimming in the ocean is so much fun. When you're saving your place in a book, do you use a bookmark or fold your pages down? Or something else? It depends on the book, it seems. Especially if someone else owns it, like in school or something. Is any part of your body hurting at the moment? Is there a specific incident that caused the pain? My legs always hurt. I've shared enough as to why; it wasn't an actual, singular "incident." What was the last thing to make you laugh out loud? OH MY FUCKING GOD. So in group therapy the other day, one of the girls had her bearded dragon out, and he was being aggressive. I think he tried to bite her aND SHE SAID WITHOUT REALIZING HER MIC WAS ON, "fucking dickhead," and everyone d i e d. She's a really cool chick, I'll miss her when I'm finished with PHP. Who was the last person you heard sing? Myself, surprisingly enough. I barely ever sing. Do you bite your lips a lot? Yes, especially when they're dry. .-. What part of your body would you never get pierced? Anyone who gets a piercing "down there" has a greater pain tolerance than this bitch right here. Have you ever dated someone with tattoos? Juan had quite a few. I don't remember if Tyler did... but I think maybe a The Legend of Zelda-related one? Have you ever failed gym in school? No. Are you scared of dogs? No; I love dogs. What is the saddest movie you’ve ever seen? Man, idk, I'm a little bitch when it comes to emotional movies. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is high up there, as is of course Johnny Got His Gun. Old Yeller, too. Which one of your friends is most likely to be famous one day? Why? Sara's gonna write a fuckin book series ok you can't convince me otherwise. What is the worst present you have ever gotten? Damn dude, what an ungrateful question. I'm just appreciative someone even thought TO give me something. Do you shave your arms? My armpits, yes, but not my arms themselves. How many people have you dated? I only count three as even remotely serious: Jason, Sara, and Girt. Have you ever performed in a play? I remember back in Sunday school as a tiny kid I played Mother Mary in one we did in class. Do you chew gum? I have been more lately since my doc upped the dosage of one of my mood stabilizers (which I think is actually helping); I mention that because apparently a side effect is dry mouth, and it's the fucking Sahara in there. He advises those who deal with it to always carry around hard candy or something like that for the sake of forcing salivation, so gum works for me. How old were you when you first started dating? I was in the 7th grade when I had my first "boyfriend," but it was total puppydog love. I started dating my first "real" bf when I was just shy of 16. Are/were your parents strict? Dad, no. Mom, only to a degree that I feel was pretty reasonable. She only ever wanted to prepare us to be functional, independent adults. Didn't work so well on me though, ha... Do you wear glasses? Yes. God, I need new ones. I'm blind as hell. What do you miss most about your childhood? Being so outgoing and happy to just be weird lil me. Do you write “To-Do” lists? Not really, no, but I do have notes on my phone about a couple things, like a bulleted list of planned monetary investments by importance, as well as a list of drawing ideas. Do you have a favorite quote? What is it? I don't, really. There's loads I like, but no one favorite. Could you survive as a vegetarian? I pretty desperately want to, but I don't know if it's realistic. I am so, SO picky, and without meat, it's very questionable as to where I'd get an adequate source of protein. I still want to try again though once I'm at my goal weight. Has anyone ever asked you for your autograph? Lol no. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Yeah, but that was a looong time ago when I was actually some semblance of pretty. Do you prefer to take your showers at night or in the morning? I used to be someone who firmly stood by nighttime showers, but now I'm all about them in the morning. It's a nice way to wake up and start the day with productivity. Could you handle living with a male roommate? I mean, I lived with my then-boyfriend once, but I'm going to assume you'd consider him more than a "roommate." We lived with our two other friends, though, also a couple, and I was totally fine with living with them. Has anyone taken their shirt off in front of you? Yes. Do you like Freddy Krueger? His concept is very scary, but all the movies I've seen bits of have always been super cheesy. Which do you prefer, Naruto or One Piece? I haven't seen either and really aren't interested. What do you think of Rob Zombie? I've never really watched his movies, but I'm a fan of his music. What’s you fetish? I don't have one. Have you ever been in the “friend zone?" Well, what I'd call a "fake" one with Jason after the breakup until I was blocked on Facebook. I know now he absolutely did not want to be friends; he was trying to appease me. Is the area you live in more liberal or conservative? Definitely conservative. Do you know anyone who had to have tubes put in their ears as a baby? Yeah, me. Were either of your parents baptized? I'm certain Mom was, but idk about Dad. I think so. The last concert that you were at, was there a mosh pit? No. What was the last computer game that you played? World of Warcraft. Does your bathroom have a theme to it? No. Are any rooms in your house themed? No. What was the last thing that you recorded? I think Mom and I singing "happy birthday" to my late dog Teddy; we knew it would be his last. Do you like the show Futurama? Not really. Have you ever been in a choir class? I was in the elementary school chorus, as well as the choir at my childhood church. Are you ashamed of any of your family members? No, only myself. Were you a chubby child? No. Did you ever have senior photos done? No, even though I wanted them. Who is the person you dislike the most? God, this is so petty... but it's the girl Jason dated after me. I know it's childish as hell to feel like she "took" him from me, and I just feel this horrible hatred towards her that is entirely uncalled for. I just can't get myself to move past it. Do you take part in paying the bills for your household? No, as I'm unemployed and also don't have disability, so I literally can't. How do you usually celebrate New Years? I really don't do much. Sometimes Mom will grab a pack of daiquiris, but that's pretty much the extent of it. Does the place you work have music playing? What sort? N/A What was the last job interview you went to? At a local grocery store to work in the deli. Got the job, lasted there for not even two hours. :^) Do you know anyone with autism, mood disorders or learning disabilities? Autism and mood disorders, yes. I myself may have high-functioning Asperger's (yes, I know that term doesn't technically exist anymore, it's just the umbrella term of "autism," but w/e). Have you ever had an immediate relative pass away of cancer? My grandmother died of pancreatic cancer, and it's pretty much guaranteed that, unless there's some sudden accident, my mom will die of cancer, too. Hers got too bad to entirely eliminate every trace of cancer cells, so it will inevitably re-emerge at some point, just obviously some place else given that she had a total hysterectomy. Would you rather work in an office, warehouse or on a retail shop floor? Office. Are you a fan of sweet, sour, salty, or savory snacks? I enjoy all of those, but sour I think tops the list.

[esterexpsito]

rebelu & 11 + 14 👁👄👁 (also ilu)

11) things you said when you were drunk & 14) things you said after you kissed me // rebelu

Lu has no idea what the fuck she’s doing here. She just knows that she could have thrown a hell of a better party.

Don’t get her wrong, the other people here seem to be enjoying themselves enough. It’s just... off-brand potato chips, really? A keg? She isn’t sure if this is just a standard for college parties or American ones in general, but she has certainly put together something way more worthwhile than what’s going on in this cramped apartment at sixteen years old, and with less than a week’s notice, at that. Fuck, that Valentine’s Party she threw her last year at Las Encinas was classier than this shit, and that was truly a disaster. At least she’s in a penthouse and not one of the dorms on campus. She could shudder with just the thought.

Still. You’d figure someone who lives in a top-floor apartment in Manhattan could go for the brand-name chips—or actual food, honestly. She’s fucking starving.

This brings her back to the question of “what the fuck am I even doing here?” that she had asked herself two minutes ago. Because she could easily be sharing a veggie pizza with Nadia back in their own dorm, or maybe even splitting the leftovers from the meal Iman had made for them when she, Yusuf, and Omar came to visit last week. But no. She’s here. At this random party she’d heard about from a girl in her Economics class who heard about it from a frat boy she’s apparently screwing. And she doesn’t even have Nadia here with her, because Nadia has a quiz on Foreign Policy on Monday that she needs to study for, or else the world is going to end.

(It’s times like this where she misses Carla. Carla would’ve said fuck it, gone out with her tonight, and then probably would have gotten a passable grade, anyway. Not that she’s comparing them or anything. She loves Nadia, of course, she just—fuck. She misses Carla a lot, okay?)

Lu’s at least self-aware enough to not blame how she doesn’t know anybody here solely on Nadia, because even though Nadia was too busy, she decided to come anyway. She just needed a break from everything. From school, from the stupid fucking traumatic memories that still manage to creep in three years after the fact, from the occasional bout of missing her parents. So she decided to take an old page out of her brother’s book. What’s a better way to forget than to drink her problems away?

Of course, the old Valerio would also add in drugs and sex to that cocktail. The new Valerio would still throw in the latter, but substitute the weed and cocaine for self-help books and whatever other Eat-Pray-Love bullshit he’s been on lately. Possibly energy crystals. And incense.

Lu isn’t interested in any of that, though; not even the sex. That leaves her leaning against a wall with a Solo cup full of alcohol and sending intimidating glares to whatever men who have the audacity to approach her. The unimpressed, arched eyebrow and condescending curve to her lips is practiced, and it works.

For the most part.

“Hey, what’s your name?”

He’s bland. That’s what she immediately notes about him. Next, his after shave is way too overpowering, and the type that, in her experience, assholes prefer (Guzmán used to wear a similar scent before she passive aggressively bought him something far better, and the fact that this man instantly reminds her of those days is already a warning sign). After that, he is very, very drunk, which is why her glare hadn’t properly worked on him.

She tries for blatant disregard; gives him a little once over and scoffs. “I don’t think so.”

“That’s a long name,” he slurs with a grin. She rolls her eyes. He leans in closer, arm braced above her head on the wall. Even though she’s in heels, he’s still taller than her, and she hates the caged-in feeling crawling up her spine.

Lu scowls and pushes him away with two fingers against his chest, beginning to step past him. “Excuse me.”

“No, no, hey, wait,” he says, catching her by the wrist. His fingers are clammy. Tight. Hurting. “Where you going? Don’t leave.”

“Don’t fucking touch—”

As soon as she yanks her arm free from his grasp, a foreign one lands on her shoulders. Lu startles in indignation, but she’s also admittedly a little panicked—and then the new person speaks.

“I’ve been looking all over for you, baby.”

It takes Lu a second to register that that sentence is directed to her. And even though she knows exactly what’s going on, even though she’s more than a little thankful for the save, she still instinctively bristles, because she has never once liked the way this woman has called her baby.

Based on the way Rebe crookedly smirks back when Lu narrows her eyes at her, the taller girl remembers.

“Who’s this guy?” She goes on, and nods her head in indication at him. It’s definitely a rhetorical question, because she glances him over and scoffs a mocking laugh. “Get lost, dude. She’s not interested.”

He bristles. “Who the fuck are you?”

“Her girlfriend.” Lu doesn’t twitch, but she does feel the skin around her eyes go tight. “So, like I said, beat it.”

“There’s no way a girl this hot is—”

Lu knows from experience what Rebe looks like when she wants to hit someone.

But Lu is not a damsel in distress, thank you very much. And neither is she that brutish.

“If it hasn’t been obvious since the moment you walked up to me, I want nothing to do with your little shrimp dick,” she replies, tone even and unaffected where her smile is deep-cutting and mean. For added measure, she leans into Rebe’s side and grasps the hand that’s hanging over her shoulder, pulling her arm tighter around her. “Now walk away unless you want to lose it.”

He’s drunk, and therefore, unpredictable. He could drop it and leave just as easily as he could get violent—which, considering he’s an intoxicated man who just had his penis insulted, is probably the more viable option. But before he can act, another guy claps his hand on the guy’s shoulder tight enough to unmistakably be a warning, and then shoulders his way between the three of them with a wide smile directed at both of the girls.

“Hey, don’t mind him, he’s trashed.” The guy behind him opens his mouth. The newcomer fixes him with a glare that clearly means shut up, then smiles at Rebe and Lu again. “Sorry. We’re all good here, yeah?”

Rebe looks to Lu for confirmation. When she nods, the taller girl nods too, and offers him a controlled smile of her own. “Yeah. We’re good.”

Without another word, the guy manhandles his friend away.

“I’m not gonna lie, I was kind of looking forward to beating his face in,” Rebe says as they watch them disappear into the crowd.

The words are said almost directly into Lu’s ear, and it’s then that she belatedly realizes how the other girl is still holding her. Lu makes a face before she can help it and sucks her teeth, shoving Rebe’s arm off of her and immediately putting space between them even though she was the one who had leaned further in. For show. Obviously.

She fights the urge to fix her dress—there’s nothing to fix.

Rebe just looks her over in that amused way she does. Or did, because it’s been three years since Lu last saw her.

“Well, fuck, you’re welcome,” Rebe continues unaffectedly.

“What are you even doing here?”

The girl shrugs. “It’s a Friday night, this is a party...”

“You know what I mean,” Lu counters, annoyed. Rebe is supposed to be in Spain. Or, at least, not in New York.

“I’m taking a gap year.”

Lu half-squints at her. “You graduated two years ago.”

“So, two gap years, whatever,” Rebe says. “I’ve been traveling on-and-off. I’d never been to America before. Los Angeles was first; kind of frilly. Vegas; fun for one night, then boring. New York’s my last stop before I head back home.”

Lu regards her for a moment. “Did Nadia send you here?”

If she did and didn’t even have the decency to tag along, Lu might have to reevaluate just how much she loves the other girl.

“Nadia doesn’t even know I’m in town yet.” It’s sort of driving Lu crazy how Rebe won’t stop eyeing her, even though she’s well-aware that looking at someone is typically what you do when you’re talking to them. But with Rebe, it’s always gotten a little under her skin. “Anyway. It was nice seeing you and all, Barbie.”

Rebe starts to turn away from her.

Before she even realizes it, Lu’s reaching out and touching her elbow.

“Wait.” She hates how unsure she sounds, so she raises her chin a little with her next words, even if they really don’t warrant the movement. “You’re the only person I know here.”

“And?” Rebe prompts, raising an eyebrow.

“And,” Lu continues, tone begrudging, “from what I remember, you’re not the worst person to party with.”

Rebe stares. Then a slow smirk spreads across her purple-painted lips, and she resignedly shakes her head at herself.

“Fucking hell, I’m definitely going to regret this. But,” and she steps closer again, close enough to peer down into the cup still clutched in Lu’s hand, and Lu hopes to God that she doesn’t see how her fingers tighten around the plastic, just a little bit, “What are you drinking?”

*

Almost four rum and cokes later, Lu is nearly as wasted as the shrimp-dick had been. Under any other circumstances, this would mean that her plan to forget is going off without a hitch—except she’s with Rebe. And Rebe is a fixture from her past, and all that entails.

Meaning, it’s impossible to avoid talking about at least some of it.

“You keep in contact with anyone? You know, besides the obvious.”

They’re in some random person’s bedroom; the first vacant one they could find after drunkenly stumbling their way down the hall, legs shaky from a combination of laughter and dancing for the past hour. The door they had opened before this one led to another bedroom occupied by two girls making out on the bed.

At Rebe’s question, Lu purses her lips at the ceiling.

“Carla, mostly. But through text or FaceTime, we haven’t really actually seen each other.”

“Ah. And how’s the little marchioness doing, these days?”

“Don’t you talk to Samu?”

“Do you ask Nadia about Guzmán?”

It’s not like she and Guzmán are on bad terms, or that she’s bitter about how him and her current best friend-slash-roommate are tentatively together. Definitely not. She just likes to forget the fact that she actually had dated him, hurt over him, and hurt others over him, too. However—

“Fair point,” she concedes. “Carla’s fine. Busy. Do you actually care?”

“I don’t hold grudges, you know?” Rebe shrugs against the mattress. “That’s your thing, babe.”

The pet names. They haven’t stopped at all, even though there’s no drunken asshole here to keep up pretenses for. She blames the fact that they aren’t irritating her as much as they normally (used to) do on the rum.

“If you think I haven’t changed at all over the years, you’re severely underestimating me.”

“I have never underestimated you,” Rebe scoffs. “Besides, you haven’t changed that much. You’re still fun—you know, in that bitchy sort of way.”

Lu resists the urge to playfully slap her on the shoulder. “You thought I was fun?”

“When you weren’t trying so hard to be stuck up, sure,” Rebe says. “You can’t be related to Valerio and be boring at the same time.”

“He could have gotten that from his mom’s side,” Lu says neutrally, eyeing her.

“Nah. There’s something in you that’s a little wild. And no matter how much time you spend taming it, you like when it gets out.”

The thing about rum is that it has always made Lu extremely reckless, which is why she has, in turn, always stayed away from it.

The thing about Rebe is that she’s right.

Lu has no idea what’s going on in her head as she curls her fingers against Rebe’s jawline and pulls at the same time as she leans forward and eliminates the gap between them. Maybe she’s still thinking about those two girls just one room over, maybe she’s remembering all the times in school when she would find herself both pissed off and weirdly turned on by her and Rebe’s little cat fights. Maybe she’s scratching an itch that part of her has known has always been there from the moment they met, buried beneath jealousy and so much fucking repression towards her own sexuality, it’s no wonder she never acted on it sooner.

The kiss is reminiscent of almost all of their previous interactions with one another. Aggressive, sly, vaguely mean. But there’s something different—there’s the softness of Rebe’s skin, the lingering taste of mint in her mouth even though she’s had just as much to drink as Lu has, the way she drags her hand down Lu’s side and flexes her fingers against the sequins of her dress.

All of that sort of freaks her out for a little bit, and Lu has half a mind to put them back on normal ground by biting her lip, but then Rebe pulls back. She’s looking at her in that infuriating way again, that way that Lu doesn’t really hate as much as she pretends she does.

Lu realizes it’s a look full of equal parts calculation and consideration. In spite of her background, the friends—Samu—she likes to keep, and everything Lu has ever said about her, Rebe isn’t actually stupid.

Stupid has never been Lu’s type. She likes...

Well, she likes brutish. The push-and-pull. And she and Rebe have always been great at that.

“Shit, maybe you have changed, after all,” Rebe comments, smirking at her, and Lu has no idea why the fuck she sounds so smug.

She kisses her again instead of trying to figure it out.

[hollyxqx]

PLAYING WITH FIRE  //  YOONGI  //  05

↪PARING: Min Yoongi x Reader ↪ GENRE: angst » smut » idol!au » enemies to lovers ↪ SUMMARY: Yoongi hates you. Or at least he thinks he does. (AKA the one where you work for BigHit and Yoongi is bad at feelings). ↪ WORD COUNT: 6k ↪ WARNINGS: heavy angst | sex | secret relationships | jealousy | mild possessive behaviour a/n: don’t hate me too much for this chapter lol i promise its for a reason.

ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR | FIVE | SIX

Yoongi could barely control the toothy grin that spread across his face as you practically skipped down the hallway, hand firmly encasing his. It was 1am, the perfect time for a secret rendezvous with someone he wasn't supposed to be with. Talk about taking control of the situation and being smart. People say it all the time but he literally couldn't help himself when it came to you.

Where you were taking him he wasn't aware; Yoongi was happy to be led as long as it was with you. You urged him on further with an encouraging smile thrown over your shoulder. He couldn't control how his heart skipped a beat.

"We can't go in here!" He hissed when he realised what you were up to.

"Be quiet." You reprimanded, holding a finger to his lips for a moment before you pushed open a fire escape door. He was almost certain this was at the very best was frowned upon and at worst - illegal. Left and right he looked up and down the deserted corridor double and triple checking that you were absolutely alone. The coast was clear.

Disobeying every instinct inside that was screaming this is not a good idea he followed you through the open door into the cool air of the concrete stairwell. You kept your grip on his hand tight as you dragged him up the flight of stairs.

"Where are you taking me?" He questioned aloud.

"Almost there." You ignored the question, panting a little from the exertion of this many steps. "It's worth it, I promise."

To his absolute horror you pushed open a door marked 'rooftop: do not enter' as if it was nothing. A thousand terrible images flashed through his mind of him getting caught doing something so wild and then being kicked out of BangTan and having his home country hate him. You could sense his reluctance.

"Yoongi, it's fine, I promise. The night manager of the hotel is a friend of mine. We're not going to get in trouble." You assured. He shot you a confused look.

"Wha - ? How do you know the manager?" He couldn't help but ask.

"Friend of my dad's. I lived in LA during the summer when I was younger you know."

He didn't actually know that. You hadn't really disclosed much about your life before moving to Korea to him and he hadn't asked, hesitant to pry too much assuming you'd tell him if you wanted him to have that information. "Oh." He muttered dumbly.

Now that you were outside the chill air of the summer night felt refreshing and he inhaled deeply, taking it in along with the view of the city below. He looked up at the sky, disappointed that the LA pollution hid the stars in the sky. Turning back to you, Yoongi watched as you wedged the metal door open with a wooden doorstop so it didn't close behind you both.

"The view is great huh?" You asked as you strode over to him.

He looked at you. "It is." He swallowed thickly.

You gently nudged him over to the furthermost concrete edge of the building. He wrapped an arm around your side and  held you tightly against him. "Do you see that tower over there?" You pointed somewhere to the left and he squinted, nodding when he saw what you were talking about. "That's where my father used to live. When my parents divorced that's where I would stay when I came to visit."

"How old were you when they separated?" He asked quietly, a gentle hand stroking your side comfortingly.

"Eleven." You hummed softly. "It was a lot, going back and forth between here and Britain alone but I'm thankful for it now. It made me brave enough to go to new places. Hence Korea."

"I had no idea." He felt a little foolish for not asking more about you sooner. It always seemed as if there never was enough time when you were together, every moment was stolen. He was thankful for the opportunity to learn now however. "I just assumed you were brave. Or stupid. One of the two." He teased, squeezing your hip affectionately.

You rolled your eyes, swatting him on the chest playfully. "There's a fine line between courage and stupidity but I'm going to assume there's a compliment in there somewhere."

Unable to stop himself he placed a tender kiss against your brow, feeling closer to you emotionally in that moment than ever before. Your eyes fluttered shut at his touch. "We're leaving tomorrow." He said quietly, wrapping his other arm around your waist. "This will be the last time we're in each other's company for a long time."

"Yeah." You sighed sadly. "We're both at that point in our lives where our career's are taking off and taking up all of time."

"Timing has never been a strength of mine." He quipped. "When I moved to Seoul I promised myself I would work as hard as possible, with zero distractions. Then I met you."

"Kiss me, Yoongi." You pleaded faintly. He was planning on doing that anyway. Dipping his head he slowly leaned forward, eyes flickering from your mouth to your lips and back again. His lips pressed to yours delicately, carefully, ever so slightly sucking your bottom lip as he pulled away. If this was going to the last time he did not want to rush.

This was a moment he wanted to remember.

"Thank you for bringing me here and sharing more of yourself with me." He murmured against your lips. "I like getting to see more of you."

The way you blushed didn't go amiss and it only made him kiss you harder this time around. Fingertip under your chin he tilted your head upwards for him so you were at the perfect angle, allowing him to gently slip his tongue into your mouth. You rotated in his arms so you were chest to chest and pressed yourself against him.

When you eventually broke apart, you stood on your tiptoes and pressed your foreheads together, smiling like love drunk fools at each other. "You are the best kisser." You giggled.

"I think you bring it out in me." He grinned.

You stood normally again and hugged him, burying your face in his neck. He held you close, just savouring the moment, enjoying having you in his arms. Minutes passed and he felt like he could stay like this for hours. "Yoongi?" You asked, voice muffled by his skin.

The tone of your voice had changed suddenly and it made him nervous. "Yeah?" His throat felt dry.

"What happens now?"

The million dollar question, the one he often asked himself in the quiet hours of the morning unable to sleep and unable to stop his overthinking brain spiral with the 'what ifs'. Truthfully, he didn't know. The only thing that seemed to work for your relationship was taking every moment as it comes. No expectations; no disappointment.

"I don't know." He answered honestly.

"We've been so lucky this far. If people find out - "

" - I know."

It goes without saying. Everyone has seen the articles and the vitriol that spreads like wildfire whenever an idol is caught being anything less than perfect. A relationship is certainly out of the question. A relationship with a staff member, absolutely never.

"I don't want to say this." You began. His stomach dropped and all he wanted to do was kiss you into silence so he didn't have to hear the words that were about to follow that ominous sentence. Everything was perfect right now and he didn't want it to be ruined. It had been a long, arduous road to this point.

"Your career is important to me." You continued. "Just because I don't work for you anymore doesn't mean I don't care. I do. Tremendously. That's why I want to see you do well, well all of the boys obviously. Which is why," You lifted your head to look him in the eye. "I don't think we should continue whatever...this is."

He'd be lying to himself if he hadn't expected this at some point, considering everything had felt like some sort of dream so far. He swallowed thickly, trying not to show you how your words had made him almost feel winded. "If that's what you want."

"No!" You protested, shaking your head frantically. "You misunderstand. I don't want that. Not even a part of me wants that. There is so much going on for both of us and we're young enough that we can be a little selfish and focus on work for a bit. Unfortunately we're in an industry where we can't exactly be open about being together. And we're both so busy is it really fair?"

He sighed.

"I think I get it." He said eventually. "It just fucking sucks. I wish I could date you. Y'know, properly. It's funny, when I was a kid I was so shy I never would have spoken to a girl like you." He laughed at himself. "I'd probably be too nervous to date you if you hadn't started working with us and I'd gotten to know you."

"You? Shy?" You scoffed. " No way. I've seen you onstage don't forget. That is not a shy boy, that's a god damn sexy man."

"It's true!" He contested, wide eyed. "I never wanted to perform. I just wanted to make music."

"Yeah? I didn't know that." You smiled fondly. "Where would our first date be do you think?"

"We've already had it." He smirked, thinking back to the concert you went to together and how he'd spent most of the night watching your reactions.

"Please - that doesn't count. I'm talking about the hypothetical world where I meet shy Yoongi."

He laughed a little. "For our first official date I'd take you for dinner somewhere nice," He hummed pausing in thought. "Then maybe a walk along the beach afterwards. I think something out of the city would suit us."

"You're so cute." You kissed his nose. "I agree, away from the city is better."

"Then, I'd want to kiss you at the end of the date. But I'd probably bottle it at the last second and do something awkward instead."

The two of you shared a genuine laugh. "I would have liked to meet him."

"You'll have to settle for me, sorry."

"He's okay I guess." You smiled, kissing him again. "Nice Yoongi."

"So after tonight we're definitely not doing this again?" He asked to confirm. It felt terrible even saying the words aloud.

"It's for the best. Not forever, just...until we're settled. Then we can do it properly right? No sneaking around?"

His stomach lurched but he nodded anyway. That sounded a lot like forever to him. It wasn't fair, he wanted this to run it's course naturally and once again, being an idol was interfering with his life. As thankful as he was for his career, sometimes he yearned for a little normality.

***

Yoongi's not entirely sure how it happened but it doesn't take long for him to be pushing you roughly up against the concrete wall of the stairwell, sliding his hands up and underneath your shirt. It wasn't his intention but he couldn't help himself. If this was the last time he was going to make it count. You had tried to leave but he'd pulled you back to him, desperate to have you once more.

"Not here," You told him breathlessly. He grunted in agreement but didn't stop, shoving a muscled thigh between your legs to give you something to grind on and guided your hips for you. He just wanted to hear you moan for him and you did. "Seriously, not here. Let's go to my room."

It's easy to slip back to your hotel room unnoticed given the lateness of the hour. He's careful to keep his hands off of you until you're safely behind a locked door.

He laid you down on the bed and hovered over you. The bruise he'd sucked into your skin the day before had darkened over night. As he kissed it he smirked. He was going to leave more tonight wherever he could, purple marks that said I was here, here and here. Maybe you'd remember for a while that you were his at one point, in some way shape or form.

"You're going to think about the way I fuck you tonight for months." He smirked into you skin with a smile and he meant it. You groaned out loud at his words, clutching desperately at him. "I promise." He assured, nipping at your ear.

"I do that anyway." You breathed a laugh as he kneeled on his haunches to have better access to rid you of your skin tight jeans. "The amount of times I've touched myself thinking of you..."

Yoongi froze. He peered up at you through the dark hair that hung in his eyes. "Tell me more." He urged. "What do you think about?" Your jeans were gone and your panties soon followed. He slowly ran his hands up the inside of your thighs before spreading them open for him. "Better yet, show me."

He guided your hand between your legs, encouraging you to masturbate for him. The way you shyly bit your lip as if you were nervous made him weak. His thumbs rubbed circles on your inner thighs as he watched your fingers move intently. "Tell me what you think about." He repeated. He wanted to hear it so badly.

"Mostly I," You took a shaky breath, thighs flexing slightly underneath his palms. "I think about you eating me out. A lot."

"Yeah?" He laid down on his stomach and licked a stripe up your cunt next to your working fingers. "I love eating you out." You stopped for a moment but he placed his hand on yours, telling you to keep going so he could watch how wet you were getting for him.

He rested his head on your thigh, gently sucking a bruise on the tender flesh, making you moan out loud. He kissed the forming bruise a few times after he was satisfied, throwing a smirk your way when you realised what he had done.

"Remember the first time we fucked? On the bus?" Yoongi nodded. "I think about that a lot too."

"Why?"

"Because you're so much dirtier than I thought you were." You both laughed a little. "I love it when you fuck me open with your fingers, feels so good. Honestly I just love it when you just hold me down and fuck me, Yoongi."

He tried to hold in the groan that was bubbling in the back of his throat. Right now he had the patience of a saint, because that's all he wanted to do too. He rid himself of his clothing and hovered over you slowly stroked his aching cock as he watched you, desperate for even a little bit of relief.

"Yoongi I want you." You moaned, back arching off the mattress so much so that your breasts pressed against his chest. "Please."

He wanted you too but was only delaying himself so this moment in time could be frozen a little longer. As soon the sex was over, everything was over.

Lacing his hands through each of yours he pressed them down on the bed next to your head as he pushed his stiff length inside of you. It was so warm and tight and wonderful he stilled completely as soon as he was sheathed, just to commit this moment to memory.

He attached his lips to your neck to distract him from the overwhelming sensation that was already beginning to build. "You're so fucking pretty, baby." He mumbled into your skin. He could smell you; your perfume, your natural body scent and he wanted to drown in it, commit it to memory forever. "I'm lucky I ever got to have you like this."

His hips moved of their own accord, thrusting into you. You keened and moaned, squeezing his hands at the sensation. He always loved how responsive you were to his touch. "It feels amazing. So good Yoongi. You're so perfect."

There was too much he wanted to say. He was afraid of spilling every wonderful thing he'd ever thought about you in that moment. This was an ending. A goodbye of sorts. He couldn't. So he focused all his energy into making you feel as good as possible and not on the things he wanted to say.

He touched your clit with his thumb, just how he knew you liked, feeling you tighten around him. There was a sense of pride every time he made you cum, getting to see you at your peak, just for him. He doubted you were had been like this with other partners before.

"Let me see you cum," He husked, gazing down at you. "Just one more time. Cum for me pretty girl."

You responded to his encouragement by whining his name as you clamped around him. He kept going, stimulating you into over sensitivity and only stopping when you clutched at his wrist, signalling you'd had enough.

Yoongi hoisted you up so you were pressed chest to chest, resting back on his haunches. Desperately he kissed you, tasting some of the sweat that had formed on your upper lip. His hands slid down your body, encouraging you to wrap your legs around his waist. He almost felt as if he couldn't get close enough to you.

"You think you can go again?" He breathed against your lips.

"I don't know but I'm happy to try." You smiled breathlessly as you clung to him.

In a flash he had you on your front, knees straddling your thighs as he entered you again. He leaned down, caging you in with his body and pressing you into the mattress. As his hips slapped against your ass he kissed your shoulders sloppily. He wasn't going to last much longer. You felt too good.

"Fuck me just like that Yoongi." You gasped, hands curling in the sheets, gripping them tightly. "Please, please, please."

Fuck, he was going to cum. Before he could he pulled out and squeezed the base of his cock delaying his impending orgasm. You looked at him, brow furrowed in confusion over your shoulder. You tried to push back on him but he stopped you.

"Turn over baby." He groaned. You rolled onto your back, reaching for him. "Don't want to come too soon." He exhaled, pushing back into you. You whimpered.

Yoongi pushed both of your legs together and rested them over his shoulder as he leaned into you. The angle was much deeper than before and he went as hard as he could. "I'm close again Yoongi, I might come like this." You panted.

"Come like this." He almost begged.

"Yoongi." You almost cried. "Yoongi."

It only encouraged him. He wanted you to come without having to touch yourself. The pace he kept was relentless. "Baby, please. Let go for me."

You did. He followed shortly after, holding himself with a hard thrust inside of you, holding himself as deeply in you as possible. "Fuck." He swore against your skin when he came.

You pushed some hair off of his face. "So good." You murmured, nuzzling into him. "So good."

When both of you reluctantly had cleaned up, maintaining some sort of distance you walked him to the door. Kissing him deeply as a depature was a surprise, but he welcomed it nonetheless.

"Yoongi, this isn't goodbye."

He frowned at your words.

"Yoongi this isnt goodbye. It's see you later. I promise."

***

Blearily he walked back to the room he shared with Namjoon, a little worse for wear and a lot exhausted. Normally after a night with you he would be feeling pretty great about now. There was a heavy emptiness he carried with him this time. Everything would be fine, he knew that having been through much worse in his life, but that rationale still didn't stop him from feeling shitty.

He slipped into the room to find Namjoon already up and on the phone, ordering some room service. He nodded to Yoongi in acknowledging hello. Yoongi shrugged off his jacket and shoes, throwing himself on to his twin bed with a long yawn and closed his eyes. Maybe he could have a quick rest before his turn in the shower.

"I ordered you breakfast, I figured you'd be back in time." Namjoon spoke. Yoongi hummed, unable to open his eyes. "Did you sleep at all last night hyung?"

"Nope."

"You're an animal." Namjoon laughed, correctly assuming what his friend had been up to.

"I'll sleep on the plane." Yoongi yawned again, mentally counting how many hours until the flight. If he could make it through the next six he could rest. He needed coffee urgently.

"Do you mind if I shower first?" Namjoon asked.

"Go ahead. If I'm asleep wake me up when you get out." Yoongi rolled onto his side, curling into a ball. He desperately wanted to quell the ache in his chest, chastising himself for being ridiculous. He found himself dozing off as he heard the soothing sound of the shower start to run.

It felt like thirty seconds had passed when Namjoon shook him awake, but one look at the clock told him it had been close to thirty minutes. Even though he'd requested the wake up call he still grumbled as he groggily sat up. "I'm going to shower."

"Breakfast will be here in about five."

Yoongi nodded and went to the bathroom. He washed and brushed his teeth quickly, eager to get to the coffee that was due imminently. When he returned to the room Namjoon was setting up the food for the two of them.

"Need coffee." Yoongi muttered, going straight for a mug and the pot.

"You're so grouchy when you're tired." Namjoon teased. Which in all fairness was true, but he was grouchy for more reasons than lack of sleep. He was going to have to explain to Namjoon sooner or later, the prospect of which made him feel embarrassed.

They said nothing else as they ate. Yoongi looked at his phone, caught up on some messages and emails he'd missed while with you.

"Y/N ended things with me." Yoongi eventually said. Namjoon looked at him in surprise he went to speak but Yoongi stopped him. "It's for the best. Yes I'm fine, no I don't want to talk about it."

"I..." Namjoon hesitated, confused. "Okay."

"I don't really feel like telling everyone else so if you could, yknow if it comes up. It's not a big deal."

"Sure." Namjoon was still looking at him peculiarly. "Whatever you need."

"It really isn't a big deal."

"I know, you said so."

Yoongi didn't know who he was trying to convince, himself or his friend. He couldn't wait to be on the flight and unconscious for twelve hours.

***

It was business as usual when he landed in Seoul. They had the afternoon off before a night time practice session. Yoongi was thankful to be thrown straight into the deep end with work, it was a welcome distraction. If Namjoon had told the others about you and him, he didn't know. Either way no one mentioned you and for that he was grateful. In time he'd forget and move on.

He didn't entirely trust nor believe you when you said this was on hold, not over. It would be in his best interests to assume it was done for good, he told himself. He'd pined and lusted after you for so long now, he wasn't going to do it anymore. He couldn't allow himself the luxury of that interference. Music came first now, always.

You promised to stay in touch but he wasn't going to hold his breath. Not because he assumed you disliked him but because he knew first hand how busy you were at the moment. A new boy group to manage doesn't leave a lot of free time for a social life, especially with someone who was as busy as yourself. So for now, being your friend was good enough. He wouldn't go back to being cold to you, he'd be the nice, shy Yoongi he promised you he was.

***

The first time he heard from you was through text. Roughly one month after LA. He wasn't expecting it.

from: y/n i'm watching your live stream ;-) nice sweater vest, you look like my dad

He didn't normally look at his phone during his solo lives, so he only received the text after he'd already turned off the connection. He laughed at the text before sending you a reply, defending his taste in fashion. You didn't reply to that text.

The next few weeks turned into months and you remained in contact solely through text.

from: y/n a little birdie @ bighit told me you're going to be blonde for the comeback send me pics!

from: yoongi who spilled?  [ i m a g e  s e n t ]

from: y/n cute cute cute i love it

from: yoongi your turn to send me a pic not bc i miss your face.  I just forgot what you look like

from: y/n [ i m a g e  s e n t ]

from: yoongi there she is now i remember

from: yoongi: you're going to be at the MAMA's?

from: y/n yup

from: yoongi if u get time come say hi

***

"Let me get this straight. You went from hating her, to sleeping with her, to sort of dating, then not dating and now you're constantly flirting with each other through text? My head hurts."

Yoongi looked at Seokjin and shrugged, as they both towelled the sweat off their brows after performing. Waiting in the wings of the stage until it was time to return to their seats. He didn't really have a good explanation for it either. In his mind he was just being friendly. Not that he would speak to every one of his female friends like this. Yoongi double checked to make sure no one could overhear them.

"We're just friends. You all talk to her as well." He defended.

"Not like that I don't." Seokjin smirked. "As if she sends me selfies. Don't think I didn't clock that one. Come on, Yoongi hyung."

"It's complicated." Yoongi sighed, accepting defeat. "I don't think her and I can be just friends but I'm trying."

"It's complicated because of all the loooooove." He laughed, nudging Yoongi with his elbow, who then proceeded to swat at him like he was a pestering insect.

"Shut up." He grumbled.

"She's here tonight, I passed her earlier but she was on the phone." Jin informed him. Yoongi knew that already. "I bet you end up in bed together again. Both of you are fooling yourselves."

Yoongi rolled his eyes and took that as his cue to leave the conversation. A tiny, deeply hidden part of him hoped that would be the case but he wouldn't dare allow himself to feel that. Hope was a dangerous thing.

He wonders if you're feeling as much anticipation and trepidation as he does. Even that thought creates a knot in his stomach.

"Hey blondie." He knew it was you before he looked, turning on his heel to face you. You ruffled his newly blonde locks with a grin.  "You were amazing tonight."

"Thanks." He broke out into a genuine smile, fixing his now mussed up hair. "How've you been?"

"Busy. Good." You answered, returning his smile. It had been months since he'd seen you and he cursed himself for getting so excited just being in your general vicinity. He was supposed to be moving in the other direction. The getting over you for good direction. You waved at Seokjin over his shoulder before your phone chimed with an incoming message. "I've got to run, but we'll be at the BigHit building later? See you there?"

"Yeah, sure."

You're gone as quick as you had appeared, leaving Yoongi dumbstruck in your wake.

Yoongi never saw you that night after everything. Bangtan had won a total of five awards, so he was on a high and looking to celebrate with everyone. He texted you but was left on read with no response. At the very least he had expected a response of congratulations, but his inbox remained empty.

Seokjin was wrong about you ending up together, and Yoongi was disappointed. He should have known better.

*** Time off is a rarity, so to have five entire weeks of schedule free days ahead of him had Yoongi excited. Personal projects that had taken a back seat were now finally able to be a priority for him and he was looking forward to holing himself in the studio for a few days and making some progress. Namjoon and Jimin were going travelling while the rest of the boys were going home to their families.

He had only vague plans to visit his own family but when his mother sent a guilt inducing text, Yoongi made those plans concrete. Nothing like a mother's disappointment to motivate you. He knew he needed to make more of an effort.

Daegu still always felt like home, no matter how long he had been away. Even just the smell of his house (usually whatever his mom was cooking combined with fresh laundry and flowers) made him feel comfortable. His mom gave him a bone crushing hug the instant she first saw him. He definitely had left it too long this time. Yoongi made a mental note to visit more.

It felt good to have a family meal. He remembered sadly that the last time he had shared a table with his parents had been his grandfather's funeral. It wasn't often that Yoongi thought he worked too much or too hard, but he certainly wondered now.

He forced his mother to relax while he washed the dishes, knowing how tirelessly she worked to provide for her family. He just wanted to do something nice for her, however minor or insignificant it seemed to him he knew she would appreciate it.

Yoongi's mother essentially pushed him out the door when he tried to clean the entire kitchen. He had plans with some childhood friends (not that he was particularly excited about them) and his mom knew. She yelled at him with a laugh to go enjoy himself and stop re-arranging her kitchen. Somewhat reluctantly he trudged to the bar he'd agreed to meet at.

They'd been coming to this place since Yoongi was sixteen. As soon as they realised they could get away with buying beer and not having to show ID it became a regular hang out spot for him and his friends. It's not the most amazing place he's ever been to but there's a sense of nostalgia here now that keeps them all coming back.

A quick scan of the room enabled Yoongi to spot Jongdae, sat in the back right corner of the somewhat busy bar. He weaved through the tables, greeting his old friend with a hug when he reached him.

"Even though you're so famous now you haven't changed a bit." Jongdae laughed, patting him on the back. Yoongi merely shook his head with a smile. "There's something I have to tell you - Ara's coming tonight."

"What?" Yoongi frowned, confused. "Does she know I'm - ?"

"Yeah. She knows."

Ara was Yoongi's one and only official girlfriend he'd ever had in his life. They had met in school and dated on an off for years before going separate ways. There was never any animosity between them, but there certainly was no love lost on his part either. He couldn't even remember the last time he spoke to her. He could remember her crying her eyes out when he ended things however. It still made him feel like a total dick, even to this day.

Ara was an adult who just happened to be a part of his childhood friend group. Yoongi was sure she'd moved on. He wasn't in the mood for a stifled awkward evening.

When she arrived she had Jonghyun and Jun in tow. Jongdae beckoned them over to the table. Ara gave Yoongi a polite hello and he relaxed, tension of anticipating an awkward arrival dissipating.

Most of the conversation was centred on him, much to his dismay. Yoongi was an idol and his friends found joy in playfully mocking him.

"He isn't even wearing makeup for us, guess we're not that special." Jongdae teased, squinting at Yoongi's face and pretending to look for traces of non existent foundation.

"Ah, fuck off." Yoongi couldn't help but grin. "You don't understand how irritating wearing makeup is."

"You would know." Jun laughed. Yoongi didn't miss Ara's laugh either.

"Idol life isn't easy." Jongdae mocked. "Just being rich and adored all the time. God, how awful."

"I wish," Yoongi scoffed. "At least you can have a girlfriend without everyone hating you." He said before he could think, alcohol loosening his tongue. Ara looked at him curiously.

"True, true." Jongdae agreed. "You must date a little though? On the down low?"

"I did for a while. It's hard." Yoongi sighed, cursing himself for putting a damper on the conversation. He needed to stop talking before he revealed too much.

"You're single now?" Ara asked, taking him by surprise.

"Yeah." He nodded. "I'm single."

***

He was an idiot for ending up in this situation. This is why I don't drink went through his head as he followed Ara into her home, her fingers laced through his to guide him where she wanted him. He wasn't drunk, he knew what he was doing, he'd just had enough alcohol to lower his inhibitions. Ara was a warm, willing body who wanted him and Yoongi was lonely.

Thoughts of you were creeping into his subconscious and he shook his head, as if to clear his mind. No. He couldn't and wouldn't think of you now. You didn't want him and Ara did. He'd be a fool to even consider you in this moment. Yet he couldn't help himself, memories flashing before his eyes. Like reverse psychology. The more he didn't want to think of you the more he did.

When Ara's lips touched his cock his eyes squeezed shut, willing the image of your lips around him away.  A horrible, gut wrenching thought entered his mind - the idea that you might be doing this with someone else right now and he felt sick. He gripped on to Ara's hair as if to anchor himself to reality. The reality that it was not you who he was in bed with.

It took him forever to cum, despite the enthusiasm Ara gave to the blow job. He was too much in his own head, drowning in memories. If she was offended she didn't show it, much to his relief. Yoongi did his best to get her off as well, not that he had much desire to but he wasn't selfish.

He snuck out of her room before sunrise, feeling a mixture of shame and remorse. All he wanted to do was go home and shower.

He thought about you several times on the walk to his house and wondered if the feeling was mutual. Maybe you were just better at compartmentalizing than he was. Yoongi was a textbook overthinker. He was struggling and admitting it to himself as he stumbled through the streets at 5am felt pathetic. Maybe he should have fought harder for you.

MASTERLIST

[ruewrites]

We’re Blooming Together Chapter 3: Eyes

AO3

Ships: Solomon/Asmo

Word Count: 3023

Warnings: None

Chapter 1-Chapter 2-Chapter 3-Chapter 4-Chapter 5-Chapter 6-Chapter 7-Chapter 8-Chapter 9-Chapter 10-Chapter 11-Chapter 12

“I thought you said you were going to focus on yourself for a while.”

“I am … But they could also be cute, you know? Now stop moving before I stab you with the pin.”

All Asmo had to do was make a few adjustments so his latest assignment actually fit Solomon before making his judgement. If it didn’t fit him just the way he wanted it to, it would look bad if not every little last detail was perfectly in place. Not to mention, the colors looked good on Solomon. Long black jacket that flared down to his knees, with dark blue snakes hiding in the fabric. They were almost invisible until the light hit the sequence just right. Underneath was a white a light grey shirt with golden trim on the collar which bled into dark grey pants. They flared out at the bottom just a bit and also had the same gold trim.  Dark and mysterious, a perfect contrast to his person. The blue of the snakes almost matched the specks of blue in his grey eyes.

“I mean note writing is a little ‘high school’ I guess, but it never happened to me before… So I think it’s kind of cute. Plus it’s very well done, much better than anything any of our old classmates could have pulled off,” Asmo sighed, adjusting the cuff of the slacks. He’d gotten a few more letters since the first, some had even included little gifts. Each one had made him bubble up with joy.

“Have you told any of your brothers?” Solomon asked, looking down at Asmodeus.

“ Hell no . While I’d love to go on and on about it, the others wouldn’t let it go , and you know how protective Luci can be.”

Lucifer had been thrown into a parental role earlier than he should have been (honestly he shouldn’t have had to do it at all), but he’d done a fairly good job from what Asmo remembered. Of course they’d had guardians, but Lucifer always tried his best for all of them. He’s also been fairly protective over all of them. Asmo could still remember how he had reacted with his first break up,or the time a group of guys had ganged up on  Mammon and Levi after school. Neither situation had ended well for their offenders. Nothing really changed much. The only difference now was that Lucifer was a big, fancy, successful lawyer. While Lucifer was smart in his own regards, it also helped that he’d just so happened to make friends with Diavolo during his studies, a man born into money and power. Diavolo adored Asmo’s dear older brother, and wanted to see him succeed in life. Despite Lucifer’s many protests, Diavolo had poured a lot into Lucifer’s law firm and helped him make Morning-Star&Dev ílle the successful and glorious firm it was today. Long story short, people used to be scared of messing with any of the younger Morning-Stars, now they were absolutely terrified .

Asmo stood and walked around Solomon once more. Everything seemed to be marked properly for him to sew later so he brought Solomon over to the mirror. He let out a low whistle.

“I like this one,” Solomon grinned, gently tugging on the long dark jacket, “And Mammon really wouldn’t model this for you?”

“Not without pay no. He doesn’t do ‘free gigs’.”

More like he didn’t have time for them. Mammon was broke every other week. Asmo didn’t really know how he could do it, so he spent most of his time in the studio to make as much as he could. Asmo had tagged along with him to the studio once, mainly so he could talk to some of the designers. However, he would say that Mammon made a pretty good model.

Even so, he liked having Solomon as his model, and he wouldn’t have to redo measurements often. Plus, Solomon looked good in everything he made. It could be because he had a tiny thing for him, or that he was his type, but whatever. He had an attractive model who he also got along with, and that was important.

“You knoooow, you could always come along with me. I’d make you my own personal model, then I could make you clothes all the time,” Asmo hummed, peaking over his shoulder, “Mr. Author and or professor Solomon would always have a snazzy new  suit for every day of the week, or outfit of your choosing. I’m not picky with what I make.”

He caught Solomon’s smirk in the mirror, damn he was attractive . He always got this little twinkle in his eyes whenever he smirked, it was so mischievous. When had he started doing that? When had that shy little boy on the playground become this man before him?

“Perhaps. I’ll think about it.”

Asmodeus hummed for a moment before pulling his bangs back slightly, there it was. That was a nice look. “Oooh you should pull your hair back when you model for my class! Or do it more anyways, that way people can see more of that handsome face of yours!” he said. Or so he could see more of that handsome face of his.

Solomon chuckled and shook his head, pulling Asmodeus’ hand away and brushed his bangs back into place. “I don’t know, I kind of like my hair the way it is. I’ll leave the fancy stuff to you Asmodeus.”

“Pulling your hair back is hardly considered fancy, dear Solomon.”

Something was still missing… Asmo circled Solomon a few more times. What was it? He stared at the breast pocket for just a moment before snapping, “Got it!” Going over to his dresser, he plucked one of the fake flowers from its place. The yellow perennial added a nice splash of color to the outfit and stood out nicely against the dark fabric and matched the golden trim, even if it hadn’t been one of the fully bloomed ones. “Now it’s perfect .”

Solomon adjusted the collar just a bit, eyes fixed on the flower in his pocket. One arm was crossed over his abdomen and the other near his chin, one finger underneath his lip. Slowly he nodded.

Why did he have to be so wonderful ?

Asmo pushed those thoughts away.

“If you think it looks good, I trust you,” Solomon smiled, “After all, you’re the designer here, not me.”

“Good! Now take it off so I can adjust it. I still need to try a few ideas for your face until I’m done with you.”

******

A familiar meow greeted Asmo as he entered the cafe. One of the many residents greeted him happily looking for chin scratches and other affections from him. Few people were here at this hour, and honestly that was for the best. After all, he didn’t want people to overhear his little gossip sessions with Satan. Visiting his brother on break was always fun. He’d get to hear countless stories of odd customers that came in that day and Asmo could tell him about some of the latest gossip on his campus.

“All I’m saying is this, the next kid that pulls one of my cats’ tails is gettin drop kicked out the door,” Satan growled, “I don’t care if he’s six Susan, do your fuckin job as a mom and teach him to not hurt my cats. ”

Asmo nodded along with his brother’s words as one of the tabby’s pressed her head into his palm. “ Children. Surely we weren’t bad when we were that age.”

“Lucifer might beg to differ.”

Asmo flicked the paper wrapper from his straw at him, and Satan snorted, “Well he would .”

“Hush. Luci basically raised us, you know he loves us.”

Satan mumbled a bit and rolled his eyes.

“Anyways,” Asmo continued, “Wanna know my latest thing while there’s no eavesdropping brothers?”

Satan leaned over the table to meet Asmo half way, a smirk on his face. “Any dirt on dear older brother? Or did something happen on campus? Some stupid freshie do dumb shit at the latest frat party?”

That was when Asmodeus hesitated for a moment. Should he tell him? He could always pull something else out to tell him. It wouldn’t be that hard. After all, he knew all of the latest news on campus, he could think of something he hadn’t told Satan yet. No. He could trust Satan. Satan could keep a secret. Even if he couldn’t, Lucifer would be the last person he’d tell. Lucifer was the one he was worried about finding out.  He would worry. He’d think the worst.

Not that he blamed him. Lucifer had heard more than enough horror stories from clients to last him five lifetimes over. He knew what the world could be like.  He had to face it almost every day he walked in. Asmo just preferred to ignore those parts. Worrying too much could cause wrinkles, and that was one thing that Asmo never wanted to happen to him. Besides, they’d all been fine up to this point and they would continue to be fine.

The letters spread across the table and Satan raised a brow. Asmo slowly opened them and even placed some of the tinier gifts on the table. “ Read them ,” he said, “Satan they’re so wonderful . So beautifully written! I’ve been finding them in my things. My bag, my laptop, my textbooks, my desks, my makeup bag- Oh it’s so romantic and secretive .”

Satan opened one of the letters slowly, eyes scanning over the words slowly, processing what this was. Asmo held his breath, eyes trained on his brother. Oh he could wait to hear Satan’s thoughts. Of course talking to Solomon had been fun, but Solomon was more of a listener. Solomon was a good listener. Those beautiful grey eyes trained on him, nodding to let him know he was listening. He also never interrupted, which was nice. He always listened to him, no matter what. And those eyes…

“Well, their penmanship is certainly impressive.”

“ Satan. Is that really all you have to say?” Asmo couldn’t hide the exasperation in his voice, “This is romance . You know, like you have in some of the books you have in that mountain of a bookshelf? And all you can comment on is the handwriting? ”

“Well it is rather exceptional,” Satan shrugged, “And you don’t have a clue who it could be?”

Asmo had fantasies about who it could be, but as far as clues went-

“Nope! Not in the slightest. All I know is that they say such wonderful things, and they sound like they absolutely adore me!” he sighed, “They even used my favorite color for the letter. I can only imagine how sweet they are, or how wonderful they might be.”

“Or they could be a complete psychopath.”

“ Shut up . This is my fantasy and you’re about to be uninvited.”

Concern crossed Satan’s face, and Asmo could already feel himself starting to suppress a groan. “I’m just being rational. It could happen. There’s plenty of weirdos out there who’d do anything to get what they want you know.”

Of course Asmo knew, but that wasn’t the case here. It couldn’t be the case here.

Right?

“You’re starting to sound like Lucifer.”

“Please, don’t insult me like that,” Satan let out a sigh and looked out the window of the cafe, “I don’t want that to be the case. You’ve only been getting these on campus?”

“ Yes. Unfortunately they don’t follow me wherever I go. It’s not like one’s going to magically pop up while we’re sitting here in the cafe. Besides, I’m more than capable of taking care of myself if something does happen. They probably just look at my accounts. It’s not hard to find my favorite color.”

He wasn’t helpless, and he certainly wasn’t stupid. He was allowed to enjoy this.

“Perhaps,” Satan couldn’t shake all  of the concern in his eyes, but he could get rid of most of it, “Although, I may have to have a talk with them if they ever choose to reveal themselves. While they’re writing is good , I’d love to help them work on their  descriptions.”

“Satan.”

“It’s cute in a sense, but there are certainly more romantic things that could be said if that’s what they were going for.”

“ Satan .”

“For example, they could have put more of an emphasis on your eyes-”

Asmo groaned and slumped over onto the table, “Satan I don’t want you giving my precious Secret an entire lesson. Knowing my luck you’ll scare them away.”

He heard Satan chuckle and felt him ruffle his hair. Asmo’s eyes peaked up from his arms so he could glare at his brother, but only for a moment. “You know the rule for partners. They get brought in, we get to embarrass whoever brought them in.”

Asmo grumbled out a quiet “yeah yeah I know ” before sitting back up straight. The future for him and Secret would be unforgiving when it came to his brothers, but he didn’t have to cross that bridge yet. Maybe he’d be able to find a way to save both of them from their cruel fate, or more accurately, maybe Asmo could save himself from the cruel fate of being embarrassed in front of his precious Secret.

“You’re all so cruel. You know that right?” Asmo huffed, “Here I am, searching for the love of my life, and all any of you can think of doing is whipping out old stories or teasing me until I turn red. The nerve of you.”

“Everyone gets the same treatment Asmo.”

“I know, but still,” Asmo smoothed his hair back over and let out a sigh, “Couldn’t you let it slide just this once? Please ? They could be the one.” He put on his best puppy dog eyes and batted his lashes for extra measure. For a few moments. One. Then two. Then-

Satan burst out into laughter, “Nah. Nope. Sorry Asmo. If the rest of us have to suffer so do you. Not to mention all of your partners, in your own words, ‘could have been the one’. I’m starting to think that you say that more than you realize.”

That’s because each time he honestly believed it.

“Oh whatever. In any case, this stays between us okay? No one else knows. Especially not Lucifer.” Asmo’s voice was stern. Satan had to know he wasn’t joking around now. He knew what mode Lucifer would jump into if he figured out what was happening, and Asmo couldn’t have that. He didn’t want Secret to be scared off by him. If Secret truly did care about him like they wrote about, Asmo wanted them to stick around for a while….

Satan nodded, “Asmo, you know me. Anything spoken between our exclusive circle stays between us. Lucifer isn’t going to find out. Not until you want him to anyways.” He refolded the letters and pushed them back towards his brother. It was their little secret.

Asmo smiled and took the letters back carefully. “I have a new one to read tonight. I can tell you what it says tomorrow.”

“Oh? You didn’t bring it with you?”

“I’d like the first read through of a first letter to be reserved for my eyes only.”

It made the moment more intimate that way. It was special. Every new letter he opened felt like a warm embrace from his Secret. He bet their embrace felt even more wonderful than he imagined.

“Now, care to tell me about some more of your horror stories?”

*******

To the keeper of my heart,

Where do I even begin when it comes to you?

Some days I fear that my words may fall short

Or that there will be no words left to describe you properly.

What will I do then?

Perhaps I would have to come out from hiding

Hold you close

Never let you go

And recite all of the wonderful mysteries about you.

I love when you get excited about your passions.

Your eyes sparkle and outshine all of the stars in the sky

Your lips curl up in the most perfect of arcs

You voice lilts and picks up ever so slightly.

I’ve never known a more passionate person than you.

Never let anyone take away the life in your eyes.

Think of Me,

Your Secret

Asmo had read the letter three times over. Each time his eyes scanned over the words his heart skipped a beat. Of course he wasn’t new to compliments, he’d received so many over the years. People stared at him, People wanted him. Sure maybe it was a little narcissistic, but why deny it if he knew it to be true? Despite all of that, people rarely went into detail about what they loved about him. He’d had partners brag about how hot or cute he was, but many had also made him feel self conscious. He still remembered the disappointment that flickered behind an old boyfriend’s eyes the one time he had decided to “dress down” one day when he stayed over. The dismissive tone in his voice… Even though Asmo thought he’d looked cute…

Things like that stick with you.

Would Secret still love him if he dropped below the bar one day?

He didn’t want to find out…

Asmo placed the letter on his nightstand, and curled up under his covers. He certainly did think of Secret every night. He tried to create a picture of them in his head. He imagined their voice, how wonderful their embrace would feel, how absolutely perfect they would be. They truly adored him. How could Asmo not think of them? As he drifted off, his mind once again wadered to Solomon. Even if it wasn’t possible, thinking about it couldn’t hurt. It wasn’t like he was going to actually start falling for his childhood crush again. He was still allowed to think he was cute. Plenty of people were cute, that didn’t mean that he’d fall for every cute person he saw.

Once again, Asmo found himself dreaming of his best friend and his beautiful eyes.

[always5hineee]

Profit Margin- Chapter 11: One Time Offer

Chapter warnings: Mild language and mention of intense themes

Word count: 1507

-----

       "State your name."

       "Y/N..."

       "Full name."

       "Y/N... (M/L) L/N."

       She answered all of his preliminary questions with ease. Age, heritage, living situation, parental situation, life prior to her kidnapping, etcetera. It became a bit stranger when he started asking about... stranger concepts. Childhood trauma. Experience with weapons. Ever having been threatened with a weapon. Sexual assaults, familial or otherwise. Experience with anxiety. Experience with depression. Any mental or physical diagnoses. Past relationships. Although she felt that all of these were quite intrusive, she answered as honestly as possible.

       The entire time, he had been jotting things down on some sheet of paper. After he had stopped, he started asking her to walk him through the steps of what the people who knew her were going through right now. Would they look for her? What were the chances of her getting rescued? At this point, she became even more confused. Was he trying to gauge the danger of holding onto her for so long? But in that case, why ask the other questions?

       When it seemed he was satisfied, he stood from his desk, looking at her.

       "Well, I wouldn't say you're much more special than I had initially expected, but you do intrigue me to some extent." Looking up to the area behind her, he tapped on the desk, causing a change in the room. While the back and front walls remained unchanged, the two side walls shifted colors, becoming windows. They had been some form of one-way mirror? Now, she saw Lucas, Xiaojun, and Hendery lined up on the left, and YangYang, Ten, and a third person on the right. Looking closely, her heart sank as she saw the familiar form of yet another of her idols... WinWin.

       "All of them have been listening to your answers. Now, we hold a debate, followed by a vote. Of course, I make the decisions, but I've rarely given any executive orders. We function as a group." Raising his hands, he said quite loudly, "You can all come in." They filed in through the doors. Hendery was smiling slightly creepily as usual, Ten and Xiaojun were stoic, YangYang and WinWin looked fairly nonchalant, and Lucas looked incredibly worried.

       "I am willing to allow Y/N to train as a member of our backup team." Kun stated bluntly. Of course, we'll have to find a way to control and test her actual loyalty, as well as keep her ready for sale should it not work out. Aside from that, our other option is to dispose of her immediately." He finished. "On that note, feel free to discuss."

       "I think the answer is clear here." Hendery was the first to jump in. "Do we really want to allocate all of that time, all of those resources, into such a shaky investment? What happens if she kills us and escapes? Or gets us caught? We should just take our half a mil and go."

       "At the same time, added support could make for a better return." WinWin mentioned. "We've always been seven people, we're unsure if that's the peak. It could be that adding an eighth exponentially grows our output, and thus our funds."

       "The risk is too high." Hendery shot back. "Plus, who's gonna want to take the effort to train her?"

       "I'd do it." Ten cut in. She was surprised, but even Kun seemed as though he wasn't expecting it.

       "Alright, so we have two votes for keep, one for reject." Kun tallied up. "Any other weigh-ins?"

       "I'd warn you that if you want her back up to her initial value, we'd have to treat her bruises and other wounds. We have yet to check up on the actual damage." Xiaojun cut in. "It could take me anywhere from a week to a month to completely restore her. In that case, you'd have the time to test this little theory out."

       "Three for yes. YangYang?"

       "I... honestly don't even care." the boy shrugged. "If Ten's the one dealing with her, that's no skin off my back. If you want me to pick a side, though, I kinda have to agree with Hendery. As much as I like the idea of money, it just seems a little risky."

       "Two no, three yes? Lucas, you could even it out if you wanted, or make it a majority. What do you think?" The blood drained from Lucas's face, obviously worried. On the one hand, they were already suspicious of his relationship to Y/N, but on the other, if he went against her, it was all up to Kun. Swallowing hard, he looked over to her.

       "I trust WinWin's judgement on financials, so my vote is keep." He steadied his voice. "We'll just have to keep an eye on her. If something goes haywire, there are plenty of people willing to pay good money for young girls." As he said this, Hendery's expression changed from passive amusement to sheer infuriation. Kun ignored the tension, addressing the decision.

       "In that case, it looks like Y/N is here to stay. Ten, walk her with Xiaojun to the medical bay, get her cleaned up. You get one chance to train her properly. Worst case scenario, if something goes completely wrong, we can sell her in parts. Lucas, you stay, I want to speak with you." Her heart skipped beat. Shit. Had she gotten him in trouble? He looked sick to his stomach as he walked towards Kun's desk, but she couldn't stay to see as Xiaojnun and Ten took her away.

       "Do we need to restrain you?" Ten asked.

       "No."

       "Good." They led her towards what she assumed was the medical bay, on yet another different floor. They asked if she knew where the stairs were, and she explained that she was actually very unfamiliar with the entirety of the building. Understanding, he promised to show her around after they checked her out.

       When they arrived at the medical bay, she looked around in awe. There was a long room with what had to have been ten sets of cots, each with open curtains between each. They had her follow them to the back, where there was a thin door. Upon opening it, she saw a few real beds, several large tables, and the walls lined with counters and cabinets- it was a weird mix of sleeping quarters and a doctor's office.

       "Here, sit down." Xiaojun offered, patting a hand on the bed. "Are you wearing anything under that?" Her eyes widened in horror as he asked this. She began sputtering for an answer, trying to decide whether to run or slap him. "No, no! Not like that!" He said in a loud, awkward voice, noting her expression. "I- I just meant so that I could look at your bruises properly- Not-"  She mentally scorned herself for reacting so poorly.

       "O-oh, yeah, it's fine."

       "Okay, well in that case, Ten, do you mind stepping out?" The man looked slightly hesitant, but nodded and turned around to leave.

       "I'll be outside the door." Xiaojun nodded in agreement. As he pulled together his tools, she awkwardly took off the dress. She knew many fans of WayV had probably dreamed of taking off their clothes in front of a member, but definitely not like this... He instructed her to lay down flat, pulling on a pair of disposable rubber gloves.

       "Alright, tell me if this hurts." He pressed a hand to her side, assumedly because there was some bruising there. Although it was a bit achy, that was the case for most of her body, so she said nothing. "Okay, next." They continued this process for a few minutes. When he pressed against one of her thighs, the spot that had been banged into the floor caused her to wince. She didn't mention it, but he noticed easily. In addition, one of her upper arms was badly bruised, along with her temple.

       "It seems like you have no broken bones or serious organ damage, just heavy bruising. I'll give you some countertop pain killers. If you find yourself having PTSD or going into shock: nightmares, anxiety, all of that, you just let me know, okay?" She nodded, crossing her legs awkwardly. She didn't feel comfortable without the dress, as much as she had hated it before. Taking the gloves off, he opened a few cabinets, pulling out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, a little white bottle, and a pair of flip flips.

       "It isn't much, but it'll be nicer than having to wear the dress. You can wear these for now, I'll have Ten take you down to the closet on your way to the training grounds. We'll be outside, you can come when you're ready." He left the room, leaving her on the bed. Well, apparently they trusted her enough not to find a scalpel in here and skin them alive. She knew she wouldn't be successful. It would be best to bide her time for now...

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