#the fact that no one even thought maybe a speech therapist

[shivroyslut]

my life would’ve been fixed if any educator or caretaker in my early childhood just looked at my behaviour and went hmm maybe this child should get tested for something

[coffeeadict61]

Humans Are Weird: Auditory Processing Disorder

Report # 306

Topic: Auditory Processing Disorder

APD: disorder of the auditory (hearing) system that causes a disruption in the way that an individual's brain understands what they are hearing.

Four days ago I was doing my monthly meeting with the electrical department, receiving updates on our monthly usage, needed parts, and checking up on general morale. (The transcript of that meeting is already turned in.) After the meeting we had refreshments and I discovered Lucy (previously mentioned in report #286) pouting in a corner. I inquired what was bothering her. She said, "The ship's head medic just diagnosed me with APD but he wasn't trained to treat it." I asked for further information on the condition. She listed several of her personal symptoms. "It means I don't always catch what people say. It feels like my brain doesn't want to listen. In one ear and out the other making me look stupid to however I talk to. It's connected to my misophonia, and the fact I was born really premature."

I was unsure how to comfort her so I made no effort. This seemed to work for Lucy kept speaking.

"And what's worse is there's nothing I can do! We don't have a speech therapist aboard or even any research materials! Its starting to affect my work performance. On top of decoding, hypersensitivity, and prosodic problems, I have integration issues which mean its really hard for me to focus on what people are saying when I'm doing something. Which freaking sucks when you're part of a team!" I had no clue what she was really talking about but gave her a hug (human gesture of enveloping one in your arms as a sign of comfort or safety), and she apologized for "venting" to me.

She then spoke on how her crew mates just thought she was "slow" or wasn't good at her job. They questioned if she was capable because she would follow directions incorrectly and she was worried she'd be replaced with someone "less problematic". I tried to assure her that I would help anyway I could on her behalf. Never again will I doubt a human's sincerity.

After some of my own personal research I have made a list of the different types and their definitions for your education on the subject:

Hypersensitivity – Hypersensitivity to sound is often diagnosed as misophonia or hyperacusis. Misophonia is when people have adverse physical reactions to sounds, such as becoming nauseated by the sound of chewing or slurping. Hyperacusis, on the other hand, is characterized by a sensitivity to sounds. For some, this means that white noise can be deafening, even causing physical pain.

Decoding – Decoding difficulties involve a lack of figuring out words that are spoken. They hear the sounds, but their brains do not process them as words.

Integration – Integration applies to those who struggle to do multiple things while listening. Such multi-tasking may be writing notes and listening, or having conversations while typing an email.

Prosodic – Prosodic refers to people who have trouble with tone, inflection, and implied meaning. A question and exclamation are processed identically in their brains. Their speech is also often monotone.

Organizational – Finally, organizational, or output, is often characterized by not recalling information in a specific order or having difficulty with noisy situations.

Honestly, Humans are so diverse and unpredictable. To think that different "problems" or " abnormalities " within their mind or body can lead to even more similar issues astounds me. They are so intricate in a way my species has never been. Despite the struggles that their disorders, and conditions being, I think it's strangely beautiful. Maybe that's just me, but I have a new appreciation for them.

I am requesting the presence of a speech therapist, whether physically or digitally, to be readily available to our crew. We must also add APD onto our medics research requirements. It is not an overly complicated subject to be fluent in. I also request that Lucy's diagnoses be added to her list of wrongful termination along with her gender, age, and race. No one should feel their position is at risk because of a disorder or disability. I also request that a written copy of daily instruction be printed for her if necessary. She is one of our best electricians and I mean to keep her employed here as long as she wants.

Human Observer #5743

[alienhumanologist]

I just wrote morty angst bc I was thinking of him

Morty knew that he was never really wanted. And that his mom only gave birth to him in a feeble attempt to save the tattered shreds of a marriage doomed to fail.

He knew that Rick coming to their house was a saving grace to take them out of their sight, a faux abortion that wouldn't cause them any guilt whatsoever. Even though they would say they loved him. There was never any real tangible meaning behind it. Perhaps his parents just knew that saying it would give them some semblance of control towards being a normal family something everyone knew they could never be.

In that way at least he had some understanding towards summer. Summer never told him she loved him. She knew too that it was all bullshit. But unlike him she didn't feel the same guilt of having the meaning of your existence fall on being the saving grace of the family. An empath of sorts. Little regard to what HE wanted. Who cared if he didn't want to be the family therapist. He didn't want to hear from Beth how she hated Jerry. He knew. He saw it first hand, when both of his parents thought no one cared to listen to what was being said. And anytime he would try to be a fixer upper it all came crashing down to no fruition since no one would listen to him and his advice. After all, he had no wisdom. He was the stupid one. That's all they ever told him he was. Stupid.

Little care went towards the reason that he was failing all his classes was that Rick took him out of school with a facetious excuse on the tip of his tongue that school didn't matter. Morty didn't care if it didn't matter to anyone else. He needed it. He needed it as a clutch to normalcy, maybe he could try talking to other people. Maybe he could feel smart when he aced a test. If he wasn't too exhausted from being hauled around.

Except even when he was there he had a lingering feeling that he didn't belong. Every Time he'd try to talk he felt as if everything he said was the wrong thing. He saw how functional the other kids' families were, how proud they were when they won a national something or other. How fulfilled the other kids felt when they scored a goal. But to morty it felt empty. Nothing happy could be sustainable in his heart. After all, doing these things were simple tasks that needed to be completed in order to not die on another planet while he was still figuring out how to make himself sound normal. In fact the more he focused on things that could potentially endanger his safety the more he felt like he couldn't control his own graduation of his adolescence. He couldn't learn to control his ticks of how NOT to make his voice curl upwards in the most inopportune moments. No one else cared (except to bully him about it) no one bothered to teach him how to shave. He didn't need to, he could always have his face be melted off and grown back in with a slough of new flesh, one that didn't grow facial hair. His memories implanted in clones that could never let his controlling of impulses become a normal wave to ride. Instead having to push them down inside since no one cared to ask how he was doing. If Rick ever bothered to ask him “hey buddy how's it going?” In that blathering stuttering jumble of speech he knew it was a facetious cop out at making conversation so it was just him talking the entire ride to an inevitable dangerous situation.

[autism-unfiltered]

Am I being crazy? My online male friend does not believe that I have autism because his friend who he claims acts exactly like I do online got tested and he doesn’t have autism………

But like…….. I suffered and struggled a lot in school making friends and keeping them, excelled academically and had special interests, didn’t realize I was being bullied and riled up, my high school classmates thought I showed signs of autism, my classmates literally asked their special Ed teacher if I had it and she said maybe but I don’t know, I literally have medical records stating it was inconclusive that I have it, my therapist who only knew me for nine months said I show a textbook case, and my psychiatrist believes that I have it as well judging from our interactions for months……… my medical records misdiagnosed me as having speech handicaps when I was and am hyplexic and echoloc and all that like how am I supposed to prove anything but medically that I 99% have autism? I have the genetic component as well since my dad likely also has it…….. wtf am I supposed to do? That’s weird right? It’s not like I had tiktok and was like yeah I’m autistic this was a years thing

You're definitely not being crazy. Your experience and feelings are valid, and it's important to trust your own understanding of yourself, especially when it's supported by medical professionals.

Autism is a complex and highly individualized spectrum disorder. It presents differently in each person, making diagnosis challenging. The fact that you've been identified by a therapist and psychiatrist as likely having autism based on your interactions and symptoms is significant. Moreover, your struggles in social situations, academic performance, and the observations of your classmates all align with common experiences of those on the autism spectrum.

Your medical records indicating an inconclusive diagnosis are not uncommon in such complex cases. Additionally, considering the potential genetic factor – with your father likely having autism – it's important to acknowledge that if you are female, the likelihood of inheriting autism might be lower compared to males due to genetic variations. Furthermore, in families where autism is present, there can be a higher occurrence of comorbid conditions, such as ADHD or anxiety disorders. This means that even if autism is not inherited, other related conditions might be more common in these families.

Regarding your friend's skepticism, it's crucial to understand that no two individuals with autism are the same. Just because someone else shows similar behaviors but doesn't have autism doesn't invalidate your experience or diagnosis. Each person's brain and life experiences are unique, and what holds true for one person may not apply to another.

In terms of what to do, continuing to work with your healthcare providers is key. They can offer the most personalized and professional guidance. Remember, your understanding of your own experiences and feelings is valid, and it's important to prioritize that over the doubts of others, especially when it comes to your mental and emotional health.

[clochanamarc]

does she have a favourite child? if not, then what are her most favorite things / traits about each of her children?

nonnie i send u many kisses and affections bc this question is just WONDERFUL!

so she doesn't have a favourite child. like, naturally there are some kids who might receive more words of affirmation or hugs one day, or maybe their love languages are a little different, so from the perspective of an on-looker it could seem like aisling might, for example, ignore eli or tim a lot while helping victor and advik more. but it's also important to know that eli just has a very limited social battery, and tim's happy place is the kitchen, while victor likes to talk about his problems out loud and advik is an eight year old, so he just fires rapid questions 24/7 and aisling has no problem answering them.

basically, she loves all her kids the same, but she also knows their boundaries and limits and trusts them to tell her when they need to be alone or when they need to be around people, and that's also why she's very insistent on at least one family meal in the day. it's also why she loves how involved the diner squad is in the kids' lives, bc tina mightn't be willing to tell aisling something, but richard normally manages to get through to her, yk? it's not that there's not enough love, it's more that sometimes you need specific people, and aisling knows that tina prefers quiet company, so she gravitates towards richard.

on to the next part of your question, which i'm gonna leave beneath a read more!

starting with victor, she definitely loves how he processes things. he finds a lot of peace and quiet in his garden, and he likes being able to work out his own thoughts through his plants, which is the kind of self-awareness that doesn't come very often to teenagers, i think? so the fact that victor found this so helpful, and even contributes his crops to the diner and aisling's dishes, is a hugely admirable thing for aisling, who had no idea how to process her own thoughts and feelings until she was 21 and living in new york. she also absolutely thinks the world of how he's able to figure out when other people need the same kind of ease and tranquility. he won't show his garden to just anyone, but he knows when advik is agitated, or tina is meditating on the roof, that they need to lie low in the greenhouse for a bit while listening to jazz music.

eli is very similar in how he uses music and technology as mediums to work out his own thoughts and feelings, but he also loves being able to use technology to help others. when aisling reveals that she can't read or write, he's the one who helps her to learn how to use the speech to text apps, and he also uses a scanner app on her phone to translate printed documents into an audio recording, so if she receives a letter from any of the schools, she can take a photo and the phone will read the words to her. and it's that kind of thoughtful consideration, plus how smart and kind he is, that aisling loves to pieces.

(it's also worth mentioning that eli and victor are in the unique position of being the only foster kids who are the biological children of a member of the order of V. idk why it's worth mentioning, i just like to mention it IWSFAWJDFASHIADFJ)

next we have tina! aisling is almost killed by tina the first time they meet, and instead of fighting her she's like "u seem pretty unhappy about this, why don't u put the knife down and we'll get some adoption papers sussed out?". tina goes on to attend therapy, but she goes through six therapists in the space of two weeks before finding the right one for her, and it's a constant quality she has that aisling admires so much. tina doesn't give up when she has a goal in mind. she decides to take on a family tree project and finds her maternal grandparents in iowa, learning that they're her only surviving biological family left. she repeatedly cancels dates and parties to go to therapy bc as far as she's concerned, therapy is the priority. about six months after moving into aisling's apartment, she decides that she wants to learn mandarin, and she sticks at it. her perseverance and dedication are things that aisling loves, but it's also her ability to take on feedback and decide whether she can adjust reasonably to it.

fatin is actually a day older than tina, but because of the whole "stranded on an island" situation, they're both happy to let tina be the big sister. however, fatin is instrumental in getting advik to feel more at home and emerge from his shell. her confidence and honesty are qualities that aisling does love, but her favorite quality is fatin's compassion. she stops playing the cello when she moves in with them, but she begins to take up other hobbies that help her bond with her siblings. facial masks, DJing and cake decorating are just a few, and while fatin loves them, she confides in aisling that the real reason for these choices is that she can share them with the others; tina, eli and tim in particular. fatin also doesn't mind going to the zoo for the fifth time in a week, and she works hard on finding fun animal-related activities to share with advik.

elliott is a new kid who stemmed from a single thread, he's super smart, very eager to share that intelligence, and doesn't worry nearly as much about his social status or image as most fifteen year olds would. it's his easy-going sureness of self that aisling loves, but also the way that he conveys information to people without making them feel stupid; elliott also insisted on helping aisling learn the states off by heart, and helped her to study for the citizenship exam. her lack of education posed no problems for him. instead, he exhibited levels of patience and knowledge that far exceed most adults put together, and his quiet confidence keeps him safe from a myriad of attacks from insecure bullies.

advik is the youngest, but his passion and enthusiasm are a few of aisling's favorite traits in him. that and his earnest efforts to soothe troubled souls, both of family and of strangers. one time she brought in a wounded avenger and he made sure to give them a tiger band-aid and some lion crackers, while patting the back of their hand and tell them all the coolest things about their favorite animals.

tim is the quietest of her kids, and yet when he communicates, it's with careful decisiveness and a certainty that aisling admires greatly. in his more social moments, he likes to invite others to bake with him, in particular stanley, henri and rani. his ability to read people is remarkable, and every word and move he makes is only made when he's sure of himself. what others perceive as a withdrawn, indecisive, anxious boy, aisling sees for tim's refusal to operate on any terms beyond his own, and his wariness of new people is often due to his anxiousness to protect his new family from any threats, perceived or otherwise.

honestly, aisling loves them all equally, and she has more foster kids or unofficially adopted kids written by many amazing friends of mine, but i think i better save those for various other posts! tumblr has limits! but yeah, their differences and similarities are some of my favorite things to analyze, and their connections to each other and to outside forces. tysm for asking this my love!!!

[hoebaring]

Just The Two Of Us (3) | Kim Taehyung

In which two ambiverts who are conscientious, resourceful, firm, and slightly egoistic happen to realise, discover, and explore the possibility of being in love. It’s a dream-like almost magical romance focusing on what I love to call “the butterfly inducing effect”. So, get comfy, grab a tub of ice cream, maybe get a few tissues and be prepared to experience romance like no other and fall in love.

I fell in love with you, I don’t know why, I don’t know how, I just did.

Tags/Warnings :- An Office Au, Ceo!Taehyung, Secretary!Y/N A fairytale in an office. Cheesy. Highly Romantic. TaehyungxReader.

Written by Author L

Cross posted on Wattpad

Word count :- 2k Words

Previous | Index | Next

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How does it feel to be so in love?

"To Seokjin and Yeong Mi!"

As Taehyung ended his best man speech by amiably welcoming the woman who stole his brother's heart into the family, the crowd raised their champagne glasses and cheered for the couple.

It was the night of the wedding. The official wedding ceremony ended earlier, and the family and all the guests are now seated for dinner, under the soft glow of the candlelight, around the large round dining tables draped in a light pink textured linen, with rose gold candelabra arms reaching across the diameter of the table.

Seokjin is Taehyung's elder brother. He works as an actor and a film producer. Which is also one of the many reasons why Taehyung will soon be appointed as the CEO of Kim Enterprises. Traditionally, the "heir to the throne" is the first born. However, because Seokjin wished to build a career in something other than business, Taehyung was placed under the limelight. And Taehyung for a fact, loved it. He was a born leader who was quick-witted and loved public admiration. Naturally, Taehyung was also popular and successful in Uni. Therefore, he was the right choice to lead the company.

Seokjin was successful too. He is considered as the biggest and most handsome actors in the industry. Earning him the title "World-Wide Handsome." On sets, he was professional & determined on camera and goofy & funny off camera. He was loved and admired by everyone around him. To Taehyung, he was more than a brother. He was his problem solver, stress buster, therapist, adviser, partner in crime and so much more. And when Taehyung got to know his one hell of a brother was getting married to Yeong Mi, who was one hell of a woman, he was ecstatic. 

It was like a fairytale. Seokjin and Yeong Mi were perfect for each other. The way they looked into each other's eyes with so much love, the way they held hands with so much fondness, the way they passionately kissed, and the way they spoke about each other with so much adoration proved that they were madly in love. 

'How does it feel to be so in love?'  He thought as he looked at them.

***

The crowd broke into a rapturous applause at the sight of the lovely couple who had just ended their first dance in the most iconic couple pose. Seokjin, with both hands carefully placed around Yeong Mi's back, gently lowered her, and looked at her as if she were the most precious person in the world to him (Which in fact, she was). He whispered an 'I love you'  before kissing her in what could possibly be the most romantic way. The room was filled with cheers and claps, happy tears and sniffles of the mothers and the elderly women, and even a few dreamy awes from the young girls.

Y/N clapped and smiled at the couple, who were now bowing down and thanking everyone. As the host for the night asked the crowd to settle down for the Bride and Father dance, Y/N sipped her champagne glass, which happened to be the only thing that kept her company that evening.

Given that most of the guests were actors, musicians, businesspeople, politicians and celebrities, Y/N clearly wasn't acquainted with anybody. She was just an ordinary secretary. She only attended the wedding because Taehyung’s parents personally invited her. The Kims knew Y/N well and Mrs. Kim liked her dearly. Once, she called Y/N her daughter making Y/N embarrassingly mushy especially since Y/N's mother passed away when she was eleven.

Y/N grew up in Busan and moved to Seoul after graduating. Despite having an opulent life and a multi-million company run by her father in Busan, she decided to move away and create an identity for herself. Y/N's father was absolutely fine with it. He loved her too much to restrict her.

After getting her first job ever in Kim Enterprises, Y/N was beyond overjoyed. The company was very welcoming of her. Specially Taehyung. He was forgiving and inspiring. In the two years she had worked with him, she developed a teeny-tiny crush on him. I mean, who wouldn't? Smart, handsome, charismatic, funny, and not gonna lie, pretty fricking hot. Who wouldn't fall for him?

Nevertheless, Y/N wasn't too vulnerable. She maintained her professionalism and decided to rather focus on her career. Which is why she worked her ass off and got herself an apartment flat in Seoul. The one with her very own patio in a huge lawn, a garage, an outdoor pool, and most importantly, personalized kitchen cabinets. How amazing is that?

And so, there stood Y/N. In an off-white bodycon midi dress with voluminous puffy sleeves made of sheer tulle and small daisies embroidered all over them, as she slightly swayed to the slow music. Her hair was styled up in a loose bun with a few loose curls hanging over the frame of her face. She looked straight ahead at Yeong Mi and her father dancing to the slow song, as they looked at each other with teary eyes and cheerful smiles.

 A little farther away, stood Taehyung, watching the sweet moment. He occasionally conversed with a few friends beside him, and Y/N instantly recognized a woman in an off-shoulder cherry-stewed dress with almond shaped eyes, prominent cheekbones, and hair of a gorgeous shade of chocolate brown. It was Yong Su-Min. 

Yong Su-Min is an entrepreneur and the youngest most successful industrialist in Seoul. She was also the first Korean female businesswomen on the cover of the Time Magazine. She was firm yet soft spoken and elegant. Yong Su-Min was flawless and Y/N admired her and her work deeply. 

Noticing that the Champagne in her glass was almost over, Y/N walked to the bar counter and asked for a refill.

"Ms. Y/N" She looked up to find a pair of familiar eyes.

"Mr. Jeon." She smiled.

"Lovely evening, don't you think?" He said as he rested his arms on the counter and asked for a drink.

"Oh yes! It is."  Y/N exclaimed before looking back at her Champagne glass.

"I suppose you're getting bored?"

"Well... It's because I don't know many people" She said as she shrugged.

"You know me."

"Maybe I don't?"

"Then maybe you should."

Y/N raised her eyebrows and started to chuckle. What in the world is going on? Nevertheless, she decided to play along.

"Maybe I should." She nodded and turned around to face the dance floor.

"You look great today Y/N." Jungkook said as he turned around as well and leaned back on the bar counter.

"Why thank you. You don't look too bad yourself." She complimented and watched as the guests joined the bride and her dad on the dance floor.

Jungkook smiled and briefly looked at Y/N. His eyes fell to Y/N's feet which were tapping away to the slow jazz music. His eyes travelled up to her swaying shoulders. They travelled further up to her rosy, pink lips which were now glossy because of the Champagne and were glistening under the soft golden lighting.

He found it hard not to stare. Jungkook looked straight ahead at the dance floor and back at Y/N before extending his hand out.

"Wanna dance?"

Y/N was slightly taken aback at the sudden offer, but after thoughtful consideration she placed her hand in his.

"Sure, why not?"

Jungkook led her to the dance floor and the two of them began dancing. His hands went up to her waist and hers to his shoulder. Their feet moved in perfect sync as they gazed at each other.

"You are quite the dancer Y/N."

"Well Mr. Jeon-"

"Darling, I think we're way past this."

He leaned in towards Y/N's ear and said,

"Call me Jungkook."

"Sure." Y/N choked out a reply.

Jungkook decided he was going to be more confident this time around. He is genuine so there is no need to be worried about being misunderstood as the "Asshole who wants to sleep with you". He was gonna be his usual fruity flirty self, who was everyone's heartthrob. Besides, how often do you get to slow dance with your crush?

And as though on cue, 'Sway' by Michael Bubble started playing. The lights went dim and the atmosphere got tense. He turned her elegantly, her body in tune with the slow music. He twirled her around and pulled her back a little closer than before. Their faces were inches apart and eyes locked.

"Do you like bike rides?"

"I might. I haven't been on one before. But why do you ask?"

"I told you, you should get to know me"

"Right." Y/N smiled.

***

Yong Su-Min POV

"If you do that, you'll be bankrupt" I stated firmly.

"She's right you know." A friend of mine reassured.

"Who'll be bankrupt?" Taehyung joined the conversation.

"Min Hyuk."

"Ahh guys! It was a joke. Of course I wouldn't let my company go bankrupt."

"It was a terrible joke." I commented and fake smiled. 

"Yah Su-Min! It's a wedding, be pleasant."

"I'm pleasant, I always am."

"She really is, you guys" Taehyung sarcastically said and nodded before taking a sip of what looked like white wine. 

"Thanks for the clarification."

I am currently at Seokjin and Yeong-Mi's wedding, and everybody is dancing around, under the dim glow of the large chandelier.

"What are ya'll doing here? Talking business? Taehyung, it is your brother's wedding! Dance a little, have fun young man." Mrs. Kim exclaimed as she suddenly came out of nowhere and joined our little friend group.

"I'm having fun mom! Look I'm with my friends." 

She looked at all of us, as everyone waved or said something nice. 

"Mrs Kim, you look good tonight." Min Hyuk complimented.

"What do you mean? Don't I always look good?" 

"I think what he meant is, you look exceptionally lovely today ma'am." I added.

"Oh! That I am" Mrs. Kim said smugly as everyone agreed and laughed including herself. 

I knew the Kims well. Mrs. Kim is like a mother to me. We've always spent time together and laughed like this. Taehyung and I met in high school. We were quite close. Later, I moved to Australia for higher studies. However when I came back to Seoul last year, it was like nothing had changed. Our friendship remained the same. I have to admit, I do have feelings for him. I mean, come on! He's Taehyung. And I also know he may not feel the same. But it is absolutely fine with me. It's not like I live for him. I have a life too. For my entire life I've worked to build myself. I've worked to grow in all aspects of life. To become someone who is fulfilling all her duties while enjoying life. As a woman, a daughter, an entrepreneur, a leader, and as a person who loves to cook, sing, and dance. I love my life.

So yes, I'm not desperate for his love. If you thought I'd be that annoying, hot-tempered, good for nothing, cliché second female lead, then I'm sorry to disappoint, I'm not. But of course, it would be nice to date Taehyung. 

"Mind if I steal my wife for a dance?" Mr. Kim asked the group as he lead his wife to the dance floor. 

"Not at all sir!" One of our friend shouted back as everyone chuckled.

"Care to dance?" I asked Taehyung.

He looked at me for a brief second before nodding.

"Sure, why not?"

***

Author's POV

And so the night ended with the two couples dancing away. Occasionally, Taehyung glanced at Y/N laughing and dancing with Jungkook. It made him feel all tingly and weird, but he decided to brush it off and concentrate on the wonderful night. 

[tinseltine]

Tinsel & Tine #MiniMovieReview THE SILENT TWINS Focus Featuress | Director Agnieszka Smoczynska | Screenwriter: Andrea Seigel | Based on 1986 Book by journalist Marjorie Wallace When I was growing up, I always said I’d have twins one day, didn’t have a preference of boys or girls they could even be fraternal. I just felt it would be fascinating to see their bonds develop and witness this unique sibling relationship.  Of course, I wound up not procreating at all, a story for another time. But as I matured, not only did I rethink how much work twins would be, I also thought, what if they’re creepy, too identical and insular?  What parent could handle that sense of separation from your children because they only require each other? 

Well, this is what happens to Barbados immigrants to the UK, Aubrey (Treva Etienne) and Gloria Gibbons (Nadine Marshall) the parents of The Silent Twins, June (Letitia Wright) and Jennifer (Tamara Lawrance) Gibbons. They are not neglectful parents, they’re sweet people, but they have no idea what to do with these two troubled souls.The film starts out with warm tones of light playfulness starting with the animated opening credits, to the opening scene of the two girls (Leah Mondesir-Simmonds and Eva-Arianna Baxter play the twins in childhood) pretending to host a talk radio show with great patter and syncopated rhythm.  You feel at first that this is not the movie you came to see.  But soon we see their reality is nothing like their imaginative play. 

Instead, the girls are very somber, withdrawn children who stay completely silent when others are around. The film switches to gray, drab colors.  The mother tells the girl’s teachers and therapist she has no idea why they stopped talking.  But this week I watched a documentary on The Silent Twins, and it was their speech impediment that first made them dummy up. No one was able to understand them. They got so tired of constantly repeating themselves, they decided not to communicate with others at all. 

In the film, once the twins break their silence, Letitia and Tamara try to emulate the weird, clamped jaw, severe lisp of the twins, while still remaining intelligible. But listening to the real life June in the documentary, whatever went wrong with their speech pattern, was very wrong, an apparently incurable.Leah and Eva do a good job portraying the twins growing up, conveying their strangeness and the hold Jennifer seems to have over June when it seems June might break and try to be pleasant or laugh or utter a word.  The effect racism had on their development as the only black children in an all-white school is touched upon only briefly. In fact, I feel their childhood is over too quickly all together. 

Soon we meet the young adult versions of the twins. By this time the family has completely given up trying to communicate, food is left outside their bedroom door and “the twinnies,” as their parents call them, are left alone to write fiction stories, poetry and create macabre dolls and puppets. Much of this world is depicted as stop-motion animation sequences carefully crafted by artist Barbara Rupik. It’s both beautifully creative and horrendously morbid.

I’m still shocked and amazed to see movies featuring black women in mainstream theaters.  When I started writing about films in 2009, I’d have to go to a small black film festival to see "me"as a protagonist. We had Whitney Houston in the 90’s and Tarantino’s "Jackie Brown", a few other exceptions maybe. But a movie like The Silent Twins would not have been green-lighted.

So, it always pains me not to rave about a movie with a black cast and female director.  But Polish filmmaker Agnieszka Smoczynska ("The Lure", "Fugue") has provided all the ingredients and no seasoning. #TheSilentTwins is great with cinematic flourishes, but I wish we cared more about June and Jennifer. I wish it were gripping and that the scenes at the mental institute held more emotional impact. Still, it may get some awards season attention and I hope it does.

https://tinseltine.com/minimoviereviewextravaganza9/ 

[despiterage]

for @milehighmechanic, continued from an old af legacy post :)

      “Probably.” But Tony shrugs, wry emotions in the twist of his lips. “But I got a pretty high tolerance for weird these days. I don’t think you’ve hit the top hundred yet.” Weird is aliens streaking down across the sky, a wizard with a stone in his hand that can bend the rules of time, a Norse god cooking pancakes in his kitchen. Weird is staring at Julie through the results of a DNA test, eyes dark and face pale.        He wonders if Julie would still be here if that night had never happened, if she had been somewhere else, doing something else. Or if Thanos would have taken her all the same. That thought feels like guilt, a shard of ice in his gut, and Tony swallows thickly around the feeling. Tightens muscles to feel the ache of old wounds instead. Focuses back on Marcus.        “You want to go somewhere a bit warmer? Get a drink, maybe?” Perhaps drinking is the Stark way of dealing with grief, but this is something else. Reaching out, the feeling of a toast at a wake. This man knew Julie, perhaps better than Tony ever did, and he thinks he’d like to talk to him.        He’s totally prepared for a polite decline ( or even not-so-polite ) but trying is important, he thinks. He’s trying to be better. For Morgan, and for Pepper, mostly. Julie had made him better, she’d pushed him to be better.        He misses that. He misses HER.        And he knows he’s not the only one. There’s dad, of course, and most of his friends had met Julie at some point or other but. It’s not the same. And this man knew Julie differently, so that’s not the same either, but perhaps easier.        “Unless that would be too weird.” Something sly tugs the corners of his mouth upwards.

"I--" Yes, he thinks immediately. Yes, a drink sounds good. To be on the other side of a bar; to be less of a therapist to the flock of patrons that still seek him out, and to let a drink facilitate the process of turning his thoughts into speech. "That sounds like a plan to me."

He doesn't offer up a place to go, unfamiliar with many of the bars in the area, and assuming that Stark has a place in mind already.

"I'm pretty well-versed in weird myself," Marcus tells him with a shrug, securing his stuff one more time before he stands. He's a little less cagey about that fact than he used to be, and Tony's own proximity to weird makes it all that much easier for the generalized admission to come.

He's set to follow Tony out of the shadow of the memorial stones, and ready to feel the kiss of the sun on his skin again.

"Did you want--" Marcus pauses for a moment, just steps away. "If you want a minute or two with her, I can meet you at the entrance."

[fearthhereaper]

Finally finished my The Originals rewatch and I have a few thoughts that I didn't have the first time I watched it, back when it was airing.

Klaus's character assassination in TO has been a well-known fact for years now so nothing new in that area. Klaus was my favorite character during my TVDU fangirl era even in spite of it all. He was by far the most interesting character to me, but I have to say that during the rewatch I found myself enjoying Elijah and his complexity to the point where Klaus and his constant over the top theatrics bored me at certain points. The baby plot was stupid, but then again I always thought that, and the only good thing it gave me was Hayley Marshall and Klayley.

Klayley was...as beautiful, as interesting, as iconic as ever. Truly one of my biggest ships of all time, by far the best dynamic in the show imo....but I have to say, as an ex-Haylijah hater, they ate sometimes. Chemistry wise - they're really good. The story is still weird to me but the chemistry really sold most of their scenes this time around. I don't necessarily ship them, because I still think Elijah's feelings exist due to wrong reasons but I can see Hayley's side of it very clearly and I don't dislike it nearly as much as I had the first time around. They really pulled me in during certain scenes, so that was interesting and new.

Marbekah was always a fine ship that didn't really do it for me but now....damn do I hate it. It's so painful to watch and I genuinely don't believe those two love each other enough to pull all the shit they did. I don't believe that she groomed him, at least not intentionally, so it's not even the usual issue of her watching him grow up that's putting me off, it's just the fact that they truly didn't need to do all that because the Epic Love™ feeling they were going for was just not present.

Camille's storyline in s1 was legit so good, it didn't feel like she existed purely as Klaus's love interest. Her storyline in that season was so interesting and one of my favorites from the whole show. S2!Cami, she existed a bit more for Klaus, and I don't even want to mention s3!Cami that was turned into a vampire for no reason only to be killed off for no reason, in both cases when she was finally getting a new (probably very interesting) storyline. I didn't like the whole "I have darkness in me thing" but her storyline in s1 left such a good impression on me that I felt genuinely robbed by her premature death. (but then again the whole show sucked after s3 so maybe her character dodged a bullet)

Freya could've been a Klaus 2.0, instead we got a family therapist older sister whose job was to cast spells and make speeches about her family. S2!dark!Freya is who Freya should've been and stayed and there should've been far more tension between her and Klaus. She adapted way to quickly to having so many siblings, she was somehow the wiser older sister despite living ten years to her siblings' thousand. A shame that the creators for some reason hated dark characters, they made all Mikaelsons far too soft. She can be morally dubious and still love her family bffr.

I felt much more sympathy for Finn and his situation. His very understandable hatred for all Mikaelsons except Freya and his mother. He had every right to try to off them all, sorry.

And to finish it off with Rebekah Mikaelson who suffered the same character assassination that her brother did because who the fuck is TO! Rebekah. As far as I'm concerned TVDs3!Rebekah is the only Rebekah that is in character. From the random maturity she gained in all of three months between TVD and TO, to the painful motherhood woes, i-wish-i-was-human woes, her character became a completely different and frankly...a very boring person. Suddenly she's the one keeping Klaus and Elijah out of trouble.... Rebekah???? REBEKAH??? is keeping Elijah out of trouble....went from living a thousand years as their spoiled baby sister to I'm suddenly the mommy keeping the order of the playhouse.

[c0smicfern]

can't tell how much of this is just in my head. on saturday, i temporarily lost the ability to verbalize twice for a total of like 2-3hrs that day (or at least i felt like i did bc i suddenly couldn't even force myself to speak). but maybe if i'd just... been less anxious / intentional about wanting to speak or even just not acknowledged the thought of, "is it just me, or can we not talk rn?" then maybe it wouldn't have happened?? least of all, twice in one day?? like that's a relatively new sensation in itself since it only started happening during my burnout. the closest thing i experienced before then was... feeling kind of paralyzed in my ability to articulate moreso bc of tension & needing to express myself perfectly. almost like repeatedly trying & failing a speech check. to the point where somebody has asked me a question & i sit there for some time before i'm able to offer a response. but it's not like i literally couldn't speak in those instances bc i still could have forced myself to say *something* in that time. i had just been paralyzed by social anxiety. which isn't what *actually* temporarily losing my ability to verbalize feels like. most of the time, i don't necessarily feel that anxious about it at all unless somebody's pressuring me to speak, which happened on saturday bc it happened at work. i was mostly just kind of pissed off bc i was so overstimulated, though. i went on my lunch break & felt better afterward. which is similar to how i broke out of it at the arcade later that night. but the fact that i was even able to go to the arcade & actually have a good time makes me feel like maybe i made both instances up in my head? it's just. none of this makes any sense. i've been completely fine since then, btw. went to the grocery store to pick up my meds last night & didn't feel overstimulated in the slightest. idk what's going on with me, but maybe i just need to stay away from substances. if i just stay sober, maybe all of this will just go away.

i just feel stuck between these two sides, people & experiences on both sides telling me that i either can't be or that i must be. i'd say i don't care, but that's obviously untrue. more than anything, though, i just want one stable, consistent sense of self. feels like i may never get there, but it's unlikely that it's bpd either, according to my therapist. maybe it's just adhd & i'm experiencing some very rare side effects from the medication? maybe i'm neurotypical & shouldn't be taking this medication at all? i literally don't know, and the inconsistency of my recent symptoms hasn't been helping the distress caused by the not knowing.

i've been... somewhat more repetitive lately, at least in what i'm consuming & thinking about. feels like my focus has been narrowed somewhat. i feel no more consistent in engaging with my hobbies, though. i'm much more tired. i can't even say my executive functioning has gotten any better, though i guess it has in some regards. task initiation & task switching have gotten more difficult, i think. maybe i'm burning out again? god, i fucking hope not. feels like i'm dragging my feet with everything that was... difficult to do before, but that i could generally still force myself to do. laundry's being done much less frequently. i haven't played a video game in... maybe a week. you *Know* i haven't been writing. i've been much worse about getting my hw done when it was almost a habit only a few weeks ago. i just feel *Tired*. might be worth trying to switch over to a stimulant medication, but i worry some of the side effects might... get worse on one of those. if i've been stimming more & getting overstimulated more frequently on a non-stimulant adhd medication, then what would a stimulant do to me? that is, if i can even trust those side effects to be, well, actual side effects of the medication & not a result of drug use. and *that's* the other thing. i don't feel like my impulsivity has actually gotten much better, at least where drugs are concerned. maybe the recent resurgence of my drug usage is an emotional response to what i've been going through, though? i feel like *maybe* the impulsivity has been less in other areas, though. i feel no more need for a routine, nor any more resentment towards change. but i feel a little more consistent in myself. i feel like *maybe* if my executive dysfunction & fatigue weren't impeding me, i could maybe create a routine for myself. i mean, i've been listening to the same 2 songs for like. a week & a half. where i couldn't stand to listen to one song on repeat for more than a day or two before. i've actually kind of preferred being super repetitive in what i've been listening to. point is, my desire for things to stay the same hasn't gone away, but i feel less impeded by my adhd from creating more stability in my life. which, regardless of if i'm actually autistic or not, i've been enjoying immensely. i feel like the conflict in my brain has ceded a fair amount. only, i don't feel any more functional. but again, i'm anxious about trying stimulant medication. either way, i'm talking to my psychiatrist about this all in a couple of weeks. maybe sooner. and who knows? maybe a higher dosage of this medication will be more helpful. it seems unlikely from the number of side effects i've already experienced at the starting dose (difficulty sleeping, daytime drowsiness, nausea, etc.), but i'm trying to keep an open mind. anyway, we'll see. fingers crossed that i'm normal at work tomorrow.

[storytellersjheller]

High-Functioning Dragon. . .

Dragons are mythical creatures that have been around since the beginning; even the Egyptians had dragons. Just think of it, a world separated by distance, and yet, dragons are everywhere and span all types of mythologies and vary in size, color and build.

I consider myself a dragon in some ways. Women, such as myself, have autism much like men, however, ours show in different ways then men. I'm not the only one in my family that is on the spectrum either; I won't go into details, though we all get it from my Dad who had Asperger's.

Aspergers; what kind of name is that? I mean, seriously?

I was taught to sound things out as a kid from my speech therapists to help with my lisp. Could you imagine, a 10 year-old me, or any kid for that matter, trying to sound out and write Aspergers?

Likely come out as @$$burger and the teacher would take the paper away and we would have no idea what we did wrong.

In fact, something similar happened to me in grade school; as soon as the teaching aid saw that I tried to rhyme duck, she grabbed my eraser and erased the word, saying, "we don't use that word here."

I thought it was strange at the time that she erased my work, but now as an adult, I try not to laugh at the thought.

My first step in my life as a dragon was when I was eventually diagnosed with astigmatism, as well as near and far sighted; not sure how that can happen, but apparently I get it from my Dad. My Dad also had blue eyes like me, so I literally have my Dad's eyes. So, yeah, I was in middle school sporting bifocals, though I didn't care since for the first time, I could actually see. I read more and did better on tests.

Over the years, such things as writing, reading and math were still hard for me; and they remain that way to this day. I'd get my numbers and letters mixed up, wondering if perhaps I was stupid or wasn't paying attention. My Mom theorized that I had dyslexia; and she was right, however, the path to getting the help that I needed didn't come easy.

in the state that I'm originally from, all we'd have to do is walk into my doctor's office and get tested for dyslexia, get a note and bring it to the school for an IEP. But after we moved to Arizona where we are now live, things weren't so easy; and being be in college made it that much harder.

Yep, you read that right; it took until I was in my 3rd year of college to find a dyslexia therapist who wouldn't charge me an arm and a leg, and maybe a kidney, for a three hour test.

I had gone to my community college's DRS department, but all the numbers they had listed were either too expensive (not one of them took any kind of insurance) or weren't taking on new clients. I ended up getting my therapist through a third party suggestion that still took another couple months before I could actually meet with the therapist.

I was super nervous the day of my appointment even with my Mom coming with me.

Yes, I was a 20-something year old who came with their Mom. I was freaked out and she waited in the parking lot in the car for moral support.

The therapist was nice. She was surprised to see that I'd answered all the questions on her intake form; something I didn't pay much mind to at the time. And we begun the tests. We paused for a bit after 45 minutes so I could use the bathroom. It was on my way back from the restroom, that I'd noticed the carpet of the office; and oh my gosh, my eyes started spinning.

"You have a really trippy carpet." I told the therapist.

She was rightfully confused by the statement, and I explained what I meant and told her that this wasn't the first time that my eyes had been triggered like that.

We continued the tests, and she looked over the results.

Yep, I was dyslexic. My brain interpreted words and sounds differently then normal people would, and also added or replaced words while I read without me even realizing it, too. Yeah, that was trippy to learn about.

"I believe you're high-functioning autistic." The therapist told me.

I swear the world froze around me for a moment.

Me? Autistic? Really?

"I've been doing this a long time, and you have a lot of the signs that are known for women with high-functioning autism." She continued.

I was still in a stake of shock.

Sad thing is, my therapist, though she could help me with my Dyslexia and possible high-functioning autism, couldn't test me officially for HFA (high-functioning autism). I couldn't afford the extra therapy either and haven't been back since.

I went home and started to research, and the more I did, the more I connected with others like me; I felt myself piecing together and started to better understand myself, too, and my Dad and family.

Though keep in mind that HFA for women is different then men, and autism is a wide range, too. New things are being learned about how women at affected by autism; I'm no means a doctor, but merely giving my side of how I see things and how I'm effected by autism.

I know this post is running on the long side, so I'll tell a quick story to better explain my point.

I've been in training as a barista for little near four weeks now.

To help with my Dyslexia, I carry a notebook with me to take notes and help recall things (I also likely have ADHD and OCD, too, so thoughts don't always travel in the directions that they should); but on this shift, I was working the cash register.

My sweet manager was aware of my neurodivergence; I told her a week after I got the job; and she was helping me learn the machine and it's many, many buttons and combinations.

A customer comes up and states their order, checking it come up on the screen while I punch in the order on the register. They finish their order, pay for their drink and the receipt prints.

I hold the receipt out to the customer, asking, "would you like your receipt?"

"How much is it?" The customer replied.

"It's a receipt, it's free."

The customer and my manager started giggling.

I'm left confused and embarrassed not sure why either of them are laughing, but knowing it's me that their giggling at.

"I'm not laughing at you, but with you," The customer giggled.

I wasn't laughing. Not even on the inside.

I know the customer and my manager weren't trying to be mean, and they thought my honest response was sincere and funny.

The customer really wanted to know how much their drink was; something I mentally knew that they could see on the screen and so thought they were asking if the receipt needed to be paid for.

I can be sarcastic, witty, and funny when I mean to be, but there are times, like this one, where I took what they said as face value; this is common in people with HFA. It can feel like a mine field trying to figure out what people mean and how to respond; and this often results in what's called masking.

Think of masking as putting on a mirror; a person who's HFA and in a group will watch how others in the group act and copy those actions or tones to better fit in with the group. I do this countless times, including with my family or out at work; and I can say from experience that trying to put on a mask that I believe will make others happy is draining mentally, emotionally and physically to the point that my anxiety comes in and then I find myself depressed, and it takes training and realizing the signs to know when masking is happening.

It's terrifying to try and be ones true self when all your brain can think about is what people might say and how you might respond, known as scripting, or trying to act like everyone else, such as masking.

And even after all those tests, my community college could only offer a cheep, old recorder that couldn't catch my own voice from an arms length away, a lousy text-to-speech reader that read so poorly that it triggered my auditory senses, and extra time on tests. I asked why that was all the college could do and was told that there wasn't enough funding going to the DRS; it really ticked me off to think that even after bending over backwards to get the testing that I needed, that the most that could be done was some shotty, old equipment and more time on tests. I ended up returning the recorder, getting Speechify and going for the extra time.

Calling myself a dragon started as a joke between me and my little cuz because my eyes look in different directions due to my astigmatism and double prism (also known as Lazy Eye, because one eye compensates for the other; only I have that in BOTH eyes; dang overachievers. I also am a bit colorblind as well.) Though the more I learned about myself, the more odd, or mythical that I kind of felt.

Women with HFA are also known to collect things, and well, I'm no different so like a dragon, I have a collection of various 'artifacts'. And my family tends to call my spots in the house as 'nests' because I like to be surrounded by things that make me happy; another thing common to women with HFA. So, yeah, in many ways, I'm a dragon.

I'm pretty sure my ADHD makes me like a fox; jumping from one place to another at the thought of something shiny only to quickly forget what I was even looking at before.

Not even sure what to go for with my OCD.

So maybe I'm like a fox dragon? Dragon kitsune? I've surely feel I've lived more then one life with everything I've been through, learned about myself and experienced.

If you've made it this far, tell me what kind of creature, mythical or otherwise, that you relate to and why; I'd be interested to know.

A group of dragons is called a thunder (que Imagine Dragon's song) and I'd like to get to know who's apart of mine, dragon or anything else. Dragon's are own as protectors and guardians, and so am I; so welcome to my Thunder.

[thewickedking-s]

Kenji Kishimoto

Okay, so this is honestly kind of an appreciation post of Kenji Kishimoto, but we all know he deserves it, so. (Also, this definitively has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the fact that I spent nearly half an hour talking to myself after reading both Kenji Novellas in less than an hour.)

1. So, when I started reading the Kenji Novella (aka the novellas told in Kenji's perspective), I was so very prepared to like laugh my head off the whole time, while reading both of these books, when in reality I was on the verge of tears, literally ready to sob over my man Kenny.

2. I feel like we all probably just assumed that everything in Kenji's POV would be jokes and stuff (or maybe I'M just an insensitive ass, idk), and I'm actually really ashamed for being one of them, and I was being really shallow considering Kenji's character and I legit feel so guilty about that.

3. But jokes and sarcasm and comments so stupid, they're funny weren't what happened at all in Shadow Me and Reveal Me. And honestly I think Tahereh is so clever for doing this, because it just goes to show how even the side characters in a series can have so much depth, it's crazy.

4. We were all expecting Kenji to be the funny clown even in his head, but he's actually so much more complex than that. He makes it so very explicitly clear that he has no one to turn to in his life. Which, as someone who is part of a big friend group, can relate to. When you're friends with everyone, you don't really have that one person to go to when you're not feeling...good.

5. And how Kenji's always working his ass off to make sure the people he loves are safe and happy and comfortable, but when it comes to his needs, no one seems to give a shit. "What about me? Why don't my feelings matter? Other people get to experience a full range of emotions without judgement, but I can't be anything but happy without making most people uncomfortable."

6. And it's here that I realized that everyone thinks Kenji is a goofball, funny guy, and no one seems to think about him in any other way. It literally makes them uncomfortable. Like, these people are so fucking selfish that they can't let this kid unload onto them for just a few minutes. All he wants is for someone to listen to him. Not share experiences, not "get itchy" and run away, not give him a fucking motivational speech. He doesn't want any of that, he just wants someone to hear him talk for five fucking seconds without being selfish. Just for once.

7. And this is also when I realized how important Juliette is to Kenji, like, previously I thought that only Juliette considered Kenji as someone to talk to, that only she needed him not the other way around. I was like, Kenji's got loads of friends, he must have someone willing to listen to him, right? umm, wrong. Despite the fact that Kenji is EVERYONE'S morale booster, EVERYONE'S motivator, EVERYONE'S fucking therapist. but the MOMENT he wants to take off his mask, and let go of his insecurities for one minute, everyone just automatically thinks it's THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD OR SOMETHING. like, give the poor boy a second.

8. And, this, fangirls and fanboys, is when I realized why Juliette and Nazeera are SO GOOD for Kenji's mental health. Like, he's losing his fucking mind trying to make everyone he loves happy, and no one gives two fucks except Juliette and Nazeera. (ok, but disclaimer I was kind of angry at Juliette for a little bit in Reveal Me, because Kenji was like spiraling in the same room as her and Warner and SHE LITERALLY DIDN'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM, but then I remembered she just came back from being tortured and brutalized more than once and finally getting the love of her life back after having to pretend she lost all her memories in front of her psychotic parents, one of which she killed (super badass btw), and then I forgave her)

9. Juliette is the only one who listens to Kenji without being selfish and actually giving a fuck about how he feels. And I know that some people might jump on me for thinking Nazeera is bad for his health because she's "ignorant" or whatever, but if you really think about it, Nazeera is basically Warner without the empath powers. She was raised by the Supreme Commandant of Asia, who, if you hadn't already noticed, is evil. She's never had to deal with these feelings before and they are confusing her. Kenji is definitely more open about his feelings than she is. So he doesn't get it when she pushes him away. She was probably fucking terrified that they would lose and her father would find out about her attachment to Kenji and kill him, or worse torture him then kill him. Not to mention she probably thought she was a monster after that talk they had in the beginning of Reveal Me when Kenji told her she was just a machine. And she probably felt even worse after finding out that the drug she gave him was a reason for his collapse. Also: "You okay? she says." "Hey. What's wrong?" "Something is obviously wrong." "Hey. You can tell me, you know." "Tell me what's wrong." She seems genuinely worried. "Kenji? You're scaring me." And that was all IN A FEW PAGES. that wasn't even the whole book.

AND IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH HE WAS LITERALLY WORKING HIMSELF TO UNCONSCIOUSNESS AND POSSIBLY DEATH. if that doesn't speak volumes about how lovely he is, then I don't know what does.

[spencestyles]

Love Letters

summary: the one where spencer and y/n have similar vows at their wedding reception

pairing: spencer x BAU!Fem!reader

warnings: fluff, daddy issue shaming (if you really squint it’s more of a joke), suggestive content (lowkey)

words: 1k+

enjoy!!!! i really like this one!!!

"I've been writing y/n letters ever since our first date," Spencer began, reciting his speech he had been practicing for months for your wedding reception. "It started as a way for her to know that I cared about her. Then it was our secret way to communicate around the team. Then it became just our thing. I always wrote her a letter, on special occasions, after a tough case, when I thought her hair looked nice. They could have been the simplest letter. I think one even said I like the color you painted your nails. Any way for me to tell her I loved her no matter how big or small."

You had a small tear down your cheek as you looked at your now husband.

"I also have a diary that I write in especially a few years ago, less now that I have y/n," Spencer laughed. "But I found this one entry that I think is important I share with everyone.

Dear Diary,

Today a new agent joined the team. Her name is y/n and she is a few years younger than me. She is very smart, but doesn't like to flaunt it. On the jet earlier, she listened to my facts. Actually listened. And she was interested in my facts. She was the first one to realize the unsub was a woman and not a man. No one could have realized it until she noticed the unsub was going after people she wished to be. I really like her, and I know my therapist says not to trust people so easily, but y/n is different. I genuinely laughed today. Everything about her is perfect. She has the brightest smile and eyes like the ocean. Maybe I'll try to ask her out, but I don't think I'm her type. She was really friendly with Hotch, maybe shes into older guys.”

“WHAT?!” you screamed, eyes bludgeoned. “No hate Arron, but what Spencer?”

“Okay continuing, I'm still going to become friends with her. I think we will be really good friends.

So obviously I was very unsure about if this day would ever happen. If me now told me then I was getting married to y/n I probably would have asked if I drugged her, but no I didn't. I love you y/n Reid." Everyone clapped for Spencer and now it was your turn to speak, you and Spencer decided on doing small speeches during the reception instead of doing long vows.

Spencer handed you the microphone signalling for your speech to begin, "As Spencer earlier said Spencer wrote me a lot of love letters. I mean a lot. I think Spencer thought I threw them out, but I have kept every one since the first time he wrote one. When I counted I think there was well over 600. It hit 600 and I stopped counting. So I decided today would be the perfect time to share some of my favorites.

Dear y/n,

I can't believe you agreed to go on a date with me. I will pick you up at seven, wear something nice. You'll look gorgeous in anything. After dinner I was thinking we could watch Star Trek at my apartment, let me know your thoughts. I think it is smart of us to keep this a secret from the team, at least until things become serious.

Yours truly,

Spencer

Dear y/n,

Today marks three months of dating behind the teams back. I can't believe they haven't figured it out. Some profilers they are. The past three months have been the best three months of my life. I can't wait to see how beautiful you look at Rossi's tonight, hopefully I won't blow our cover.

Always and forever,

Spencer

Dear y/n,

The past six months with you have been amazing. I will never be more grateful than right now, you're finally going to move in with me. I know when I asked you two months ago you were nervous, but now I think it may be time to tell the team about us. They're our family and they deserve to know. Tell me what you think about tonight, I'll pick you up at seven. Wear that one low cut dress I love on you.

Always and forever,

Spencer

Dear y/n,

I can't believe we finally told the team and I can't believed they had bets. Now I can kiss you, hug you, and love you all the time. Also you don't have to wake up early to cover your neck, I want them to know you're mine. I can't wait to stop having to room with Derek on cases, it got annoying when he'd keep asking me if I ever got laid. I want you to come with me to Las Vegas on our next break. You can meet my mom, she already knows about you.

Always and forever,

Spencer

Dear y/n,

You scared me during yesterdays case. I thought I lost you. I know we can't mix relationships and work, but seeing you bleed like that scared me. Meet me at the park we had out first date at tonight at six. I want to talk.

Always and forever,

Spencer

Dear y/n,

I can't believe we're finally engaged. I've spent the last year and a half loving you and the past five years being your best friend. I can't wait for forever.

I love you,

Spencer

These ones are obviously from the most important moments in our relationship and I will forever cherish these letters. Spencer Reid I love you so much. Here is to official always and forever." You looked over at Spencer who was smiling with teary eyes. He was shocked you kept all the letters. Spencer engulfed you into a hug.

"Always and forever."

[porgthespacepenguin]

Thoughts about episode 2.7 (1/2)

No galaxy brain this time. Just incoherent pterodactyl screeching about episode 2.7 because I have THOUGHTS and I have QUESTIONS.

Also some speculation if you're into that.

This is going to be two posts because of Tumblr's stupid 10-image limit. Part 1 is most about Qcard, part 2 will touch on Team!Picard.

Onwards!

The sun symbolism

There is something about this sun. I'm not quite sure yet what, but it feels important, and it keeps popping up.

We start the episode with a close up of a sun, and the therapist (let's call him Not!Bashir) spends a precious minute of screentime pointing out its duality: giving life, yet also in the future taking it away.

As an aside, speaking of duality, I'm reminded a bit of Q's speech to Soong:

"I am the evolution of stardust. I am the gentle flutter of a butterfly. I am Death, the Destroyer of worlds."

Anyway, Not!Bashir then makes a point of giving the sun to Picard, who holds it in his hands while he tells the story about his mom.

However, once the story is told the sun is nowhere to be seen. It's not in Picard's hands, it's not on its pedestal. In fact, we don't see it again for the rest of the episode.

What was this all about?

EDIT: @celestialwarzone wrote an excellent meta about the sun symbolism in the episode. Go read it! (Also, "the sun is nowhere to be seen"? HA. NOT EVEN CLOSE.)

Who is the therapist?

Speaking of Not!Bashir, is he Q? Is he not Q? Honestly, at this point, I'm 50-50 on the idea.

Some of his questions are a little too pointed, a little too Tapestry-like for him not to be Q. Of course, if he is Q, he can't show himself: at this point, Picard isn't listening, he's only stuck in his fear and anger. So Q would need to look like someone else. Why not the "monster" that Picard isn't able to confront?

Especially since we know that the episode mirrors Q and Picard's dad later on.

And there are some lines that are, if you'll pardon my French, hella sus:

If that reminds you of another line from TNG ("It's not safe out there"), you're not the only one. Even Picard goes 👀, and he's about as subtle as a brick in this episode.

Oh, and Not!Bashir calls himself a "studier of the human condition". Yeah, let's just abandon subtlety altogether. Let's all be bricks.

However, when Not!Bashir shows up in the dungeon, I'm fairly certain he's not Q (anymore?). As far as I can tell, both layers of Picard's mind are separate, Inception style. Which may be by design if Q is keeping Picard's conscious mind engaged in therapy, while Estonia's roaming the dark dungeon down below.

However, I do wonder if Q is also somewhat aware of the layers below, because this happens:

Either Picard's unconscious is trying to get rid of Estonia, or it's Q going all "hands off, he's mine". Either way, I ain't mad.

But the phrasing, though? Does that sound like an unconscious defense to you?

"This is not your journey"

Those are words a therapist would use. Not the unconscious mind desperately trying to defend itself against trauma.

On the other hand, Q seems to be without his powers at the moment. In fact, the end of the episode implies he may not even be a Q anymore. So how would he get into Picard's mind in the first place?

(Also, did Q somehow foresee that Soon would botch his attempt against Renee and hit Picard instead? Was the car a special model designed to trigger plot-friendly therapy comas?

Why not snap Jean-Luc directly into a therapy session earlier, when he still had his powers? Cut the middleman directly?

Like I said, I have QUESTIONS.)

Unless it wasn't Q at all, and he had nothing to do with it. Maybe Picard was picking up where Tapestry left off, all by his lonesome, conjuring up a very Q-like therapist. Which would be interesting.

Who, where, what?!

Who's we? The voices in Picard's head? Or Picard's friends (Q included)?

And where's here? Here in his mind? Or here, in the past? In the reality that's fracturing?

Not!Bashir continues:

"Only you can stop it. (...) Why do we think we're here?"

Stop what? Ostensibly, it seems Not!Bashir is talking about the therapy session, but there's clearly a second (or maybe even third) meaning here as well.

Could it be we are actually talking about the entire shebang: the penance, the trial, the lesson, whatever you want to call it?

After all, Q outright stated in episode 2.2 that everything that's happening this season is somehow because of Picard:

"Show them a world of their own making (...)"

So Picard is stuck. But maybe so is the rest of the universe along with him.

What's Picard truly hiding?

Okay, the mom thing was clearly a breakthrough. But even Estonia points out after that "there's more to the story". Whatever is hiding behind the Big White Door of Doom is the real problem, and it's likely bigger than maman issues.

By the way, love that Picard instantly goes "whatever it is, it's irrelevant" because apparently he's learned nothing at all from the entire episode and intends to keep his deepest trauma buried, thank you very much. This is not going to bite him in the ass later, oh no.

Back to Not!Bashir, who points out exactly the same thing: Picard's hiding a side of himself he doesn't want other people to see.

Oh, hello there, mirroring! Q and Picard have always been presented as mirrors to each other, from the start. Light and dark, chaos and order, mortal and immortal. Two sides of the same coin.

In TNG, "Tapestry" brings home the lesson that Picard getting rid of his wilder side, his darker side, isn't the answer. That it's in fact a terrible idea with terrible consequences for Picard.

So at the start of the episode, Picard is dying because of a mistake he made as an ensign, when he was wild, free and more chaotic. Reminds you of anyone?

Picard just goes right ahead and compares his younger self to Q:

Yeah, they went there. Picard was like Q. Let that sink in for a moment.

They don't explicitly revisit the comparison after that, but in the end, Picard realizes that his past choices have made him the man he is, and he essentially accepts that this darker, wilder side is an important part of him.

Clearly, he's not accepted all of it. Or we wouldn't be here.

"gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay"

"sir this is a Marriott"

(no but seriously how gay does this sound? and can we get some more please?)

Whatever is beyond that big white door? I bet Q's part of it.

Picard being a Muppet for 2 minutes straight

This was so frustrating to watch. Picard wonders why Q is doing all this (only took him what, 7 episodes?), starts to get somewhere, but then draws all the wrong conclusions. Drat.

"It seems Q is fixated on me… spends his time saving me… helping me… teaching me… in fact, his entire lesson today was 'know thyself'. Uh. He says this whole trial is about me, but like? It seems super important and personal to him. I'm confused. What could it possibly mean?"

Good lord. So the Big White Door of Doom is just plain old denial then? Good to know.

(Also, I've commented on it before but, "fixated"? It's called love, Picard, for crying out loud. I know, I know, you're terrified of it.)

And maybe, I don't know, take 2 minutes and remember how Q told you what's going on back in episode 2? And you just wouldn't listen? No? Are you sure?

What are you going to do then?

PICARD YOU MUPPET

What is wrong with Q?

So the El-Aurians apparently fought against the Q and didn't get wiped off the face of the universe. Color me surprised, because as far as I understand, the Continuum is magnitudes more powerful than them. I mean, the El-Aurians got nearly wiped out by the Borg. Who are absolutely no threat to the Q. I guess this is for Plot Reasons. I can live with that.

And so there's a bottle that serves as proof and memory of the armistice between the Q and the El-Aurians. And Guinan's got it at her bar. Let me rephrase: Guinan keeps a super important and powerful artifact at her bar.

Weird flex but, okay.

Wait no, that's not okay. Does she keep it behind the counter? What if a human drank some of it? What if someone broke it by accident? Don't you guys have museums? Oops, Borg probably destroyed them. I don't know, couldn't you keep it anywhere else that's a bit safer than a bar in 21st-century LA?! Anyway.

(As an engineer, I'm also super interested in the range of this thing. If there's no Q nearby, does it just fail? Is there a resending mechanism? Do you have to wait between attempts?

Guinan seemed to imply that every time it's used, a Q is summoned. If so, then the range has to be unlimited: why didn't another Q appear? Also, what if two Qs are next to each other? Do they both have to go?

Is the armistice over when the bottle runs out? Did the Q get a bottle of their own? Can they summon an El-Aurian whenever they want?

SO MANY QUESTIONS.)

Tangents aside, Picard and Guinan try to summon "their friendly neighborhood Q" (yeah I know she's being sarcastic, but he actually? sort of is?) and surprise! It fails. Huho.

Guinan points out that "something's really wrong".

YES. YES, IT IS.

Again, let me reiterate. PICARD, YOU MUPPET. Let me refresh your memory, Admiral:

How long do you think it's going to take him to put two and two together? Another episode? Two? Ugh.

Anyway, what's wrong with Q? Here's what we know so far:

He couldn't snap doubts into Renee's mind;

He complained to Soong that "time's abandoned him of late";

He's apparently been doing things ("Thanks, I worked hard on that") himself rather than snapping. Which means, by the way, that's he's written a few thesis on genetics, synthetized a cure for Kore and hacked into Soong's network without his powers;

A Q was summoned and he didn't appear. So either he's cut off from the Continuum, or the Continuum is broken, or more likely, he's not a Q anymore. Hopefully temporarily.

Anyway, I'm extremely worried about Q. When you take into account the frankly concerning foreshadowing in Maman Picard's fairy tale, and the fact that there are only 3 episodes left and the A plot hasn't moved an inch...

I'm more and more convinced we're headed for Q sacrificing himself to save Picard and the timeline. Hopefully, we'll then get him back in season 3, but that's impossible to say for now.

Anyway, thanks for reading and see you in part 2!

[your-highnessmarvel]

From Bleak to Bright - Part Ten

All other parts on on my masterlist, link provided below.

AN: omg this chapter is so sad!!!

Warnings: angst, language

MASTERLIST - SERIES MASTERLIST

PART TEN

You cried so much that you forgot what it felt like to not have your breath caught in your throat, or tears in your eyes, wetness on your cheeks. Even if you’d barely spent a week with Loki, when he left you there, without even trying to get to you, the bond inside of you screamed. It’s even worse than when you couldn’t see him, when Natasha and Bruce were trying to get you to stay away. Now that’d you’d had a taste, you just wanted more, and the bond that had been a knot in your belly now felt like burning fire.

Thor took you in his arms and brought you back to a jet, but both the wound on your head and the one in your heart kept you from having any conscience of it. You were crying so hard it hurt, your stomach clenching, breaths hiccupping out of your lungs, eyes swollen.  

The last thing you remembered before they put you under, pressing a mask to your face, was the wretched sobs coming from your throat.

Your dreams were nothing but black. It was like floating in space, with no stars, with no air, and the suffocation of the dream left you even more anguished than Loki’s departure.

Why hadn’t he tried? Why hadn’t he at least tried to take you with him, instead of looking at you with those eyes, his mouth parted?

You’d remember that look until the day you died.

Death was more peaceful than this.

When you woke up, Bruce was all over you, acting like the mommy you both never had. He was in your recovering room 24/7, bringing you everything you ever wanted. And when they moved you out of the recovery room and back at the Avenger’s compound, Bruce was still on your heels like a leech. 

Nat kept her eyes on you every time you passed by the door, as if you’d pounce right back out there if she dared to leave you alone.

Steve kept giving you speeches about good and evil, how Loki’s bond with you did not mean what he did was right. 

Tony dropped by once in a while, asking you questions on Loki, but all you knew was what you’d seen while at the loft, and revisiting those memories made you want to scratch your eyes out.

When you stopped talking, just shut down, they brought in a therapist. But even she couldn’t make you talk. All that anger was the only thing that made you remember him. And the bond desperately wanted you to remember him. Every single moment spent away from Loki, the bond called to him. It gave you stupid ideas to reach out somehow, to runaway, to seek out a way to get back to him. 

But you couldn’t leave. Ever. The Avenger’s compound was on lock down, and you could not be left alone in it, ever. It was your own personalized prison. 

You wished so desperately, but so quietly, that Loki would come for you. That he’d bring an army and get you back. 

But the news you overhead - because they didn’t allow you to know anything about Loki’s whereabouts - suggested Loki couldn’t give more of a fuck about you. He’d terrorized more people across the Earth, all intent on “taking over the world” or whatever. 

“He’s got Selvig,” you heard Thor telling Nat. You were lying on the couch and they didn’t know you were there as they prepared lunch. “He’s going to open a portal and bring the Chitauri army here.”

“If he does that,” Nat said with a hiss, “then it’s going to get far worse than it already is.”

You knew what she meant by that. The Avengers already had to take care of you - Loki’s soulmate - and adding an alien war to the pile was not going to facilitate their game.

And if Loki wasn’t coming for you, you wouldn’t make any effort to get back to him. 

*** Eighteen days later, Three hours before the attack on New York ***

You didn’t like the movie. Nat had chosen it as the boys had taken over the gym to have “a boys workout” as they called it. 

Nat had been careful in avoiding any romance movies, and had picked an action packed, hot boy movie with no story line and a lot of explosions. The main character was good-looking enough to distract you from the actual plot, and the fact that you did not have a phone - actually, not allowed - made you even more concentrated on the character. 

It wasn’t long before the boys came back out, smelling like sweat and rubber. Lately, they’d all been hitting the gym often since Loki’s army was waiting to invade. Tony insisted on a seven-day a week training until they’d either caught Loki or killed him.

You swallowed the lump in your throat at the image of a dead Loki in your head. Thor’s presence didn’t really help either. He kept mentioning his brother as if you weren’t even there. 

“You okay?” Bruce asked, tapping your knee as he took a seat beside you.

You wrinkled your nose. “Ew, Bruce, you smell so gross,” you whined, pinching your nose. 

He smiled, the perpetual look of caution on his face he wore only around you dropping and softening his features. 

“Come on,” he drawled, “it’s not that bad!”

But before you could answer, Tony’s cell rang. Everyone went deadly silent. You could feel the blood draining from your face as Tony brought the device up to his ear, his face severe.

Your fingers curled into fists. Your blood ran cold, colder than you’d ever felt as you watched Tony’s face tighten. 

The first thought to enter your mind was Loki’s wellbeing. 

Please tell me he’s fine.

Tony hummed and hung up. “Suit up,” he said, his tone deadly, “Loki’s opened up the portal. They’re dropping armed Chitauri in the streets.”

The entire living room activated, as if everyone around you had just been waiting for Tony to give the heads up. Nat launched off the couch, running upstairs to get her suit, followed my Steve and Clint - which yes, they’d manage to save between all this time.

Tony turned into the kitchen, mumbling to JARVIS.

Only Thor and your brother remained in the living room, hard like statues, their eyes emotionless.

“Who’s gonna babysit, huh?” you mumbled, but your words felt like ash on your tongue. 

“I wager I should stay,” the God of Thunder said, pointing to you. “After all, my brother will attempt to get her out of here before he obliterates the planet.”

The soulmate bond would not let him leave you here to die.

Bruce shook his head, sweaty strands of hair sticking to his forehead. “She’s my sister,” he said. “And you’re more needed than me on the battlefield.”

You frowned, anger and heat crawling up your chest like sour vines. “Bruce, if he gets here and you’re the one standing between him and me, he will go through you,” you argued, crossing your arms over your chest.

“I can take him,” Bruce shot back. “And Thor will man the streets with the rest of the team. No one is going to take this planet and no one is going to take my sister! And until Loki is either dead or locked up until the end of your days, I will never allow you out of my sight!”

Thor knew better than to stay. He vanished from the living room even before Bruce had uttered the last words, either because of the look on your face or the privacy you and your brother needed.

Bruce had stood, towering over you, his face stricken with a mix of anger and annoyance, and you looked up at him from under your brows, heaving, feeling betrayal course through your veins. 

“Bruce,” you muttered, trying to keep a lid on your anger. “I’m a grown woman. I don’t need my fucking brother looking after me forever.”

Bruce’s lip twitched. “That’s what you made us all think,” he seethed. “That’s what we thought. That we could trust you. And then you literally betrayed us and went to him with arms wide open.”

“He’s my soulmate, Bruce!”

“I don’t care!” At this point, your brother didn’t care that he was screaming and that Tony could hear him in the kitchen. “You’re a threat to yourself.”

“He wouldn’t hurt me,” you gritted from clenched teeth.

Bruce’s eyebrows shot up. “I told you the bond is different for men,” he said. “He doesn’t care about love or passion or whatever he made you think! It’s about possession, owning what is meant to be his! And with Loki, there is no possible way the bond could be -”

“You don’t know that!” Now it was your turn to stand, facing your brother like you’d done so many times as kids, but this time, it was for something a little more severe. “You say all that shit about the bond for men but you don’t even know yours! You stopped yourself from knowing her because of the shit you did to yourself!”

You regretted the words before they left your mouth, but anger had made you open up your lips and spill anything hateful that would deter your brother. And it did. It so fucking did. His face fell from that angered scrunch to something more tragic, tormented. 

Bruce had always counted on you to understand that the Hulk was not - absolutely not - Bruce. 

And there you’d been, accusing him of creating this monster he hated so much.

Bruce took a step back, his eyes falling to the ground. “If you leave this house, I will not hesitate to use force.” And then he plopped himself on the couch.

You looked up, seething, spotting Tony leaning against the door to the kitchen. He shrugged, jerking his head to the stairs, silently signaling that maybe you should retreat to your room.

Feeling like a child who hadn’t gotten what she wanted, you ran up to your room, crossing Steve in the hallway and not even bothering with wishing him luck. For all you cared at that moment, they could all burn.

You felt like your insides would fall out as you tumbled into your room, slamming and locking the door. You sat on the edge of the bed, holding a pillow to your belly, hoping the pressure would prevent your insides from spilling out.

What had you done? Why had you gone and said those things? The image of Bruce’s face falling, that look of utter bewilderment and betrayal passing across his features, haunted you. You rocked on the edge of your bed, feeling the tears brimming behind your eyes, an odd sort of pressure building in your head. 

You knew he was there before he even spoke. The air shifted, like a soft wind inside a glass jar, and the sound of fabric against fabric echoed in your otherwise dark room. 

“He’ll kill you,” you said, biting on the edge of the pillow to keep from sobbing.

“I am not really here,” he answered.

Relief and disappointment. They would not be able to hurt him if they caught him in here. He wouldn’t be able to actually touch you. 

“What do you want?” you uttered, still clutching the pillow, facing away from him.

“I can come and get you out of here,” he said, his voice calm, leveled.

You frowned. “You left me,” you whispered. “You fucking left me, Loki. You didn’t even try. And even if I wanted to go with you, my brother would rip you to pieces before you even set foot in here.”

You could sense Loki’s anger, rippling from him even in his illusion form. “You do not want to come with me?” His voice was rough, as if fighting to stay even. He was sad. 

You clenched your jaw so tight it hurt. “No.” Then you straightened. “No. Leave me alone. You’ve caused enough damage in under a month of being my soulmate. I don’t want to see you again. Now get the hell out of my room before my brother has me put in an actual cell.”

You never got an answer.

When you turned to see if he was still there, the air was empty, dark, silent, as if he’d never even been there to begin with.

DON’T WORRY! I KNOW WHERE THIS STORY IS GOING. I HAVE A PLAN ;)

tags:  @subtlemalice @yallgotkik @buckyandlokirunmylife @kaz11283 @legolas-bromance @shylittlemountain @tofeartheunknown @feelmyfckngsoul @kind-of-crazy-butthatsokay @caffiend-queen @tomhollandsslilslut @lady-loki-ren @nathan-no @rosaline-black @abundanceofcarolines @my-own-oracle @it-was-all-a-beautiful-dream @marvelouslovely @drbaureid @bored-as-hell-666 @youhavemyfantasticbeasts @theinfinitenerd @toe-vind-ek-jou @ink-and-starlight @blank-bakabane @sunshineonloki @holaamishamigos @palegoopbearlight @heyarely16 @pleaseexecuteme @athalahild @help-i-need-a-social-life @tapismyforte @coloursforyourportrait @celestialstarshadow @fukyouthink @lust-for-pan @thic-thor 

[peralta-guaranteed]

Wishing I could read something about Peraltiago talking about how they feel on all Teddy's proposals to Amy. They are really akward, uncomfortable moments and Teddy really crosses the limits every single time, and wish we knew more on their takes about it. Once I read a fic about Jake sending Rosa to stop Teddy and take care of Amy but it just not the same.

lol I have a fic on that topic exactly - I have a proposal for you - where I had the cathartic experience of writing about Rosa breaking Teddy’s hand for being so awful, but I agree with you, Teddy reappearing in the show is so uncomfortable each time ugggh. I thought the wedding one was the worst but then he shows up literally fathering a child with someone else and still does it, disgusting.

So maybe take this as taking place before that fic of mine, where Jake does mention how bad Teddy's proposals make them feel!

Jake can tell, just from the simple drop of her purse in the hallway, that it wasn't a good day.

Weird, how it's these tiny things that he's learned to read instantly - or maybe not, given that he's a detective trained to focus on details others would overlook, and being unable to stop the habit when it comes to the most important people in his life.

She tries to be all smiles when she comes into the living room, though, where Mac is happily rolling around in his playpen while Jake is folding laundry on the couch, the very picture of domesticity as she leans over the pen to kiss their squealing, giggling little baby. The view of her in one of her old pantsuits instead of her Sergeant's uniform is already making his hearts do little leaps even before she makes her way over to Jake for their customary Welcome Home kiss.

"How was that inter-department meeting today?" He asks as she shrugs off the suit jacket and continues her pace into the kitchen, setting aside a set of Mac's bibs that can't be folded anyway.

"Okay." She replies, and that's enough to make him abandon the laundry alltogether and follow her (one eye on Mac, of course, but he's not even crawling yet, and couldn't roll himself into any danger on his foam-based playmat - probably). It's rare that she doesn't have at least one inspiring, 'interesting' or just generally informative story to share from her meetings, the only person in probably all departments looking forward to them.

She's staring into the fridge when he reaches the room and leans against the counter, trying to gauge her level of upset. From the raised shoulders and the fact that she doesn't need to check the fridge to know they were going to order Chinese tonight, he guesses it's at a solid 8, at least.

"Teddy was there." She mumbles into the cold, bright space in front of her, and Jake's shoulders tense up just as much as hers even as he tries to sound as chill as possible.

"How is he?"

"Still extremely boring." Then, after a pause. "Still hung up on me."

So much for chill.

"Did he propose again?"

She nods and sighs, her shoulders dropping as she closes the fridge, but doesn't turn toward him.

"I don't know what's wrong with him." She says through gritted teeth, suddenly. "He has a child with someone. He has a wife. How can he look at them and turn around and-"

Mac's little happy cooing from the living room interrupts her, as do Jake's arms as they wind around her middle, his chin dipping into the space between her shoulder and her neck.

"That's probably a question only a therapist could answer, babe."

Amy sighs as she leans back, falls into the warmth and support of her own husband, the father of her child that she can hear happily babbling to himself from a room over, and wonders some more how Teddy could ever think he would be a better option for her.

"He wasn't like this when we were dating." She muses, and feels Jake's kiss against her jaw - a reflex action she's noticed whenever she mentions a past partner or anything, frankly, that reminds him that there was a point where he wasn't Jake Peralta-Santiago yet. But she kind of needs to finish this thought, and she knows he can handle it. "He was nice and kind and he wouldn't- he wasn't manipulative, pulling something like that in public, or deluded enough to think he was in the right for it. I mean, he thought he was pretty great, but he wouldn't have -"

"You musta broken something pretty major in his brain when you left him." Jake's voice is joking, luckily, but she can sense a hint of something more. "The absolute devastation of a Santiago break-up speech, rehearsed or not."

"Harsh, Jake."

"Remember manbun musician? He went downright insane after your split - not that he was probably the sanest person around before that, but-"

"You promised we'd never mention him again."

"I'm just saying. I don't think any man left by you is going to be completely right in the head after that."

"You're making me sound like some black widow monster." She smiles, though, hearing the awe and affection in his voice bleed through.

"I'm not judging those guys, anyway." He continues, and that tinge of something else in his words is back. "I mean, I can't imagine what I'd be like if you ever decided to take Teddy up on one of his proposals."

She straightens up from her lean on his chest, twists in his arms without breaking the hug, and stares right into him as she studies his face - his actually slightly scared face.

"Jake, you know that's not ever-"

"I was joking babe."

"No. Jake. That's not even an option. Not even an idea. Never. Not in a million years. Not if-"

She grabs his shirt where it's unbuttoned, right next to his heart, and his hand reaches up to squeeze hers like it always does, thumb swiping along her rings.

"I know, Ames." The soft kiss that follows calms her just as much. "I cashed out that jackpot and I'm not giving it back."

She hums as she kisses him again, leans her forehead against his for a deep breath.

"It's just... sad." She returns to her original train of thought. "That he can't move on despite his life doing so. I mean, it's been years. He's got a new job and a new partner and a new baby, and he's willing to, what, dump all that? For me? For that idolised image he probably has in his mind of me now, because nothing between us has been real since ages ago?"

"Wow, this is really bugging you."

"Yes! He's barging into my life and thinking he knows what's best for me and that it's him, like I'm some love-struck silly dreamgirl who's going to drop her entire world because he's romantic enough to go down on one knee in front of our colleagues and superiors who have no idea what's going on-!"

Mac's noises from the next room turn from content to disagreeing, growing into what is sure to be a cry any minute now, and it's the only thing that can make them break apart from their hug. He calms down immediately when Amy lifts him out of his pen, and holds him close while she settles on the sofa next to the half-done laundry basket, snuffling against her chest in a very obvious I’m hungry mom couldn’t you tell?! move before she can even unbutton her dress shirt.

He latches on immediately when her shirt is open and her bra pulled down - not a nursing bra today, considering she got ready for an important work meeting - while she feels Jake rearrange the pillows behind her and to her side to get her comfortable, without a second of hesitation or having to think about it. He moves on to pick up the jacket she's dropped onto a dining room chair, drapes it on a hanger in the hallway, and she feels the soft prick of tears in her eyes before he settles down again next to the two of them with a glass of water for her set on the coffee table.

Jake only hums as he notices the shine in her eyes too, and wipes across her cheek. He knows that nursing can get her into a pretty emotional state sometimes, but this is probably a bit more than that.

"I love you." She says, and barely waits for his return of I love you too to continue. "I can't believe Teddy expects me to look at Mac, and look at you, and still think he could ever be a better offer for anything I want."

"Aw, babe." He grins softly in return while playing with Mac's foot that is kicking in his direction, covered in the fuzziest green socks with red apples on them. "You scored a pretty dope 2-for-1 deal with us, I admit."

“Before that, too.” She insists, leaning to unlatch Mac and hand him over to Jake to burp as they always do while she buttons back up, thinking about Teddy’s many proposals before Mac was even planned on. “Jake, you know that, right? You alone were the best deal first and foremost.”

He smiles at her, Mac’s soft little curls right next to his cheek as he sways and pats his back, but it doesn’t fully reach his eyes.

“Jake-”

“You were happy with him.” He says, quietly, while Mac lets out his usual milky burp and smiles at him much wider when he wipes him clean with the linen cloth pulled from his shoulder. “I know it’s in the past and I - I’m not jealous or anything that stupid, but. Like you said... He wasn’t like this back then, and you were happy.”

His eyes seem forlorn, even as he smiles at the now sleepy baby in his lap that looks so much like him it always makes her heart twinge, that little bundle of joy with Amy’s dark hair and skin that seems to know the Cuban sun without ever having been there.

“And I know it’s not - and it doesn’t make sense to think about, but - sometimes his stupid proposals made me wonder what would’ve happened if he’d done that while he still made you happy.” His voice turns low, and it’s probably not just to avoid waking Mac back up as he falls asleep. “And that just makes me think about how I had to watch you be happy with him, and that’s not - that’s never a good memory to revisit, honestly-”

“I wouldn’t have said yes.” She leans over into his field of vision, the most serious look on her face. “Even back then, I wouldn’t have said yes to his proposal.”

Jake’s eyebrows scrunch up in question, his eyes turning into those puppy dog eyes that she knows as a direct hit to her heart when he’s actually sad or worried, and she can’t not hold his face in her hands again.

“Yes, I was happy with Teddy for a while, but looking back at it I realise I was- there was always this feeling of waiting for something. Hoping for something to be different.” She kisses him, careful and short and barely there, but enough to make him close his eyes and lean towards her a bit more. “And maybe back then I thought I was waiting for him to change somehow, but really I was only waiting for him to change into you.”

“Teddy couldn’t change into me if he had major brain surgery.” Jake scoffs, and Amy huffs a laugh with him.

“Yeah. And that’s why he’d never been right for me. That’s only ever been you.”

He finally, properly smiles now, eyes open again and set on her with a soft shine to them before he leans over more, as much as he can without waking the deeply asleep baby in his lap.

“I’m glad you figured that out when you did, in the end.” He quips and earns himself a shy nod. “And said yes when it came to the only good proposal you got.”

She snickers at that, thinking about the gaudy but wonderful boxing belt in her mementos box, and leans in the last few inches she needs to kiss him again, neither careful nor short this time, but equally as soft. 

“And the next time I catch Teddy trying to propose to you again I’m going to punch him out before he can even get down on one knee.”

“You are not assaulting a fellow officer.”

“Kick in the balls?”

“How very mature, Mister-I-have-an-actual-child-now.”

“Can I at least tell him where he can stick his ridiculous ideas of marrying you at any point in the future, no matter the circumstances?”

She hums for a second.

“You can. If you add in how ridiculous the idea was in the past as well.”

“Oh now, that’s a good deal.”