#would have been so evil of her if she did know however and just trolled me for the heck of it

[mitamicah]

Personal story time aka how Käärijä has rotted my brain take #3?

Was over at my sister’s house yesterday after her having studied abroad for half a year. One thing to know about her is that she has a lot of clothes. And I swear seeing her sort through all of it turned out to be a bigger challenge than expected because so much of it was either a) Käärijä green, b) bolero shaped (with puff sleeves and everything) or c) both

I had to bite my tongue so hard to not scream out:

MY GIRL YOUR WARDROBE IS SO KÄÄRIJÄ CODED, OMG

[albentelisa]

Hi! So, was there any headcannon or theory you had of Merlin in Trollhunters while writing Mirrored Conviction's? Because he could easily be seen as the villain given how it looked like he manipulated Jim when he was trying to make him into a half troll if Wizards hadn't shown why he did that.

Hi, sorry for the delay with the response - I've been rather busy lately. So, without further ado let's proceed to the question.

Honestly, I've never viewed Merlin as a villain. Yes, he totally sucks as a person, and even the fact that he acknowledged Douxie in Wizards changes nothing. On the other hand, I find it interesting that a deeply flawed character like Merlin is one on the good side (and has always been).

And now to some headcanons (which I also use while writing my fics):

Merlin is commonly disliked in the magic community because he's arrogant and mostly acts according to what he considers the most beneficial to his goal (which is humanity's survival). Obviously, that led to countless situations where he outright abandoned his allies when there was an option to save them while jeopardizing the plan. The situation with Jim in Wizards proves it good enough and I feel that one wasn't the first or only time Merlin did that. And obviously, that wouldn't give him much love from everyone else (and Zoe hates him for a reason too).

Merlin led both Arthur and Morgana to their downfall or at least, partially responsible for that. Why do I think so? Let's start with Arthur. I believe that Merlin to Arthur was the same kind of figure Blinky was to Jim - a mentor, an older friend, and kind of a father. However, unlike Blinky who can always find the right words for Jim in his darkest and lowest moments, Merlin either didn't know what to do or outright ignored the problem (somehow, I more lean towards the latter). It seems like after Gwen's death, Morgana was the only one trying to reach her brother. If Merlin had joined her, everything might have ended differently.

As for Morgana, instead of leading her and helping to find control over her shadow magic, Merlin tried to correct her magic, most likely putting her within some strict regulations. He obviously finds shadow magic vile and corruptive, refusing to see that it might be not different from a knife - a tool that could be used both for good and evil. Obviously, Morgana lost all the respect for her master she had most likely possessed initially as Merlin had never listened to her or her opinion.

Merlin is also incredibly stubborn and frigid. He lacks adaptability and fails to either have some backup plans or adjust his plans on the spot. That one is his clear weakness.

And another of his problems is that he's a genius and has convinced himself that he knows better than everyone else. It led to the mindset that only his plans were right and everyone else just told him some unhinged and dumb stuff that would never work (which could be as far from the real state of things as possible). Merlin also genuinely believes that if he cannot do something, no one will be able to do a thing and that if something didn't work for him, it wouldn't work for someone else.

So? Merlin may be intelligent, but he isn't wise. He's too short-sighted to see the bigger picture and too stuck to his own beliefs to see alternatives.

There's some curious detail about Nari. It makes some sense that she came to Merlin after abandoning the Arcane Order because despite all his flaws he was probably the best when it came to giving her shelter. However, Nari also seemingly treats Merlin nicely, despite being his enemy for a long time before coming to him. It may have something to do with Nari's personality, but I also have a headcanon that Nari knew Merlin before he grew to become the unpleasant person he is now. Nari is hopeful, so, perhaps, she still believed he could change his ways.

And now, there's some heavy speculation part. The scene when Merlin manipulated Jim made me think that Merlin was projecting his own experiences there. He seems to be the kind of person who absolutely loathes their younger self. Most likely, Jim was unlucky enough to remind Merlin of his younger days.

I feel that Merlin lost some dear people during his young years, most likely because of his own reckless actions. He probably thought that if he took some precautions it might end differently. That is why he chose to force Jim to undergo the transformation. In Merlin's eyes that might even count as some kind of redemption for his youth's mistakes. He sees nothing wrong with that and believes it is a good thing and that Jim is simply too young and naive to understand and will come to appreciate it later. And obviously, Merlin believes that ruining Jim's everyday life wasn't a big deal. To his mind, it was an adequate sacrifice. Well, Merlin simply forgets that Jim is not him or even his younger self.

I had a discussion with a friend once, who claimed that younger Merlin was like Douxie, but personally, I feel that Douxie reminds Merlin of the close person he had lost in the past (best friend, perhaps?). That would explain why Merlin ordered Douxie to stay away from everything until he woke up - so that Douxie didn't end in some kind of trouble. I feel that Merlin was scared to lose Douxie, because it would be a second time for him.

[quitealotofsodapop]

HiB Sequel/Au Ideas

I have a lot of thoughts on Monkey King: Hero is Back, and I've complied most of them here. It has such a fascinating concept, especially in regards to how the timeline of "Journey to the West" has been permanently altered by Hundun/Chaos.

Timeline changes cus of Events in Story:

Sun Wukong/Dasheng is pretty much "on probation" since he busted out early + asks for a huge favor from the gods at the end of HiB. Guanyin is the one to agree to change the headband to the armlet/chain cuff/buddha ankle-monitor. SWK might get it removed if he stays on good behavior.

Jiang Liuer (same name as the Tang Monk/Tripitaka when he was young), is a small child + dies at the hand of Hundun, but is somehow revived by the credits. Oddly enough, he's said by the production team to be the Ninth Cicada rather than the Tang Monk's Tenth. Maybe literally dying counted as a -1 life? The tie-in videogame shows it more clearly; Dasheng was involved in Liuer's revival and is shown begging/threatening the gods in the credit art, holding Liuer in his arms.

Zhu Bajie isn't married (yet). He also is probably lying about what he did to reincarnate as a pig demon.

Fa Ming is a cool af old man who isn't even tied to any big mythos character. Just a really cool mortal buddhist who went "Hey, free grandson!" when Liuer floated down the river in the prologue.

Sha Wujing has likely *just* been kicked out of heaven. According to a comment by the films director, this version of Sha Wujing may be fem.

Ao Lie has yet to set his dad's house on fire. Might do it on accident in future. Was a real bro and helped SWK get to Hundun during their battle. And according to the credits to the videogame, helped return many of the kidnapped children to their parents.

Theories:

Sha Ya Tou/"Silly Girl" is actually the Red Child/Hong Hai'er. She was kidnapped prior to the story by Hundun's forces to act as the flame for the furnace. Hence her extreme luck, lack of fear, taste for rare meat, and her little "horn" ponytails. If Hundun had pushed his luck, he would have had a Syndrome vs Jack-Jack situation on his hands. Her parents are currently very worried and tearing every village apart trying to find her.

Hundun/Chaos is literally an avatar of the Great Peril, but he loses his identity when he reverts back to the Original Hundun. His ritual was so he could maintain/prolong his humanoid form. He's sacrificed human children before in similar rituals, and initially set his sights on Liuer (the current Golden Cicada) as a baby for this goal - but assumed him lost/dead after Liuer's birth family were slaughtered.

The "mountain trolls/yaoguai" arent inherently evil, but they follow whoevers the strongest. Hence why they started cheering for SWK when he began overpowering Hundun.

Fic things under Read More:

Potiential Fic Timeline:

LEM has already made a name for themselves by hunting humans that prey on demons, and by spreading the tale of their thought-to-be-lost friend Sun Wukong. Then a Stone Egg smashes down next to him one day just after a solar eclipse. Coincidence? >:3

Meanwhile, Sun Wukong is busy beating down the door to the Underworld wanting his son/tudi/friend/ pest back. The Kings of Hell are hesistant to do anything cus you know, until...

King Yama, uninterested: "Gee, thats a tall order. Buuuut death is a mortal inevitablity, and you're still supposed to be under the mountain so..." Guanyin, phases in: "The child is the Golden Cicada." All the Kings of Hell: "HE'S WHAT!?" "Sweet buddha, get that kid's soul back in there pronto!" "He's not suppose to be dead yet!" Dasheng: *gives Guanyin a thumbs-up* "thanks" Guanyin: "Don't think you get off scott-free, sage. You're still supposed to be getting punished." Dasheng: *nervous gulp as he accepts his fate* *the chain cuff from the mountain is slapped back on Dasheng's wrist* Guanyin: "However, your actions towards this little monk has succesfully reduced your sentence. I believe as long as you stay by him, you won't run into too much trouble" *cheeky wink* Dasheng, relieved: "I suppose I could do a lot worse."

Liuer is able to be revived, but is in a comatose state for around 49 days as his soul internally "reincarnates". In this state he manages to pass on messages between SWK and an "unknown warrior" (LEM) via their dreams.

Pigsy, SWK, Fa Ming, and the newly-welcomed Ao Lie spend a lot of time reuniting the stolen children with their families.

Fa Ming bonds with SWK over the weeks caring for the cometose Liuer. SWK is reminded of Master Subodhi and gets wistful. Fa Ming entrusts SWK to care for Liuer when he's gone. SWK agrees, but is internally panicking.

Bonus complication; Silly Girl's parents have yet to be found. And even with his weakened powers, Dasheng's gold-vision tells him that she's not what she seems...

One night, Liuer manages to convey to SWK that Mount Huaguo is under attack by hunters. SWK in his haste; bundles all of his new little troop onto the Sommersault Cloud and flies towards Mount Huaguo.

SWK goes to rescue his missing/captured subjects from the main hunters camp. He finds the hunters already being torn apart by LEM. They have a mutual "oh shit, its my old crush/best friend I thought died in the war"-moment. Liuer reveals himself to be awake at the very end of the encounter.

Both monkeys see eachother alive + a kid (SWK and Liuer, LEM and the Stone Egg) and a romantic comedy ensues. Until...

Guanyin: "Hey gang, sorry to burst your bubble. But the big guys upstairs are a little peeved. Seems like the manifestation of primordial chaos messing with things on earth, has literally thrown the entire timeline off course. The Buddha needs you to check in on places where chaos is at it's most rampant. Don't worry about directions, I'll cc them to the little cicada. Ok? Byyyeeee!" *leaves* The whole gang: "wut." Liuer, eyes glowing: "We should go westward." Dasheng, groaning: "And I just got back home!"

+Stone Egg Bonus:

After seeing the poster for the upcoming prequel to HiB, I have determined that the baby monkey inside the egg would most likely be born/hatched out with white/cream-coloured fur and very fluffy. Therefore I will declare this little "MK" variant; Xiaoyún/小云 (Little Cloud).

[yaeggravate]

Kaeya, The Snow Queen and The Boar Princess

i believe kaeya is partly based on kai from the fairy tale the snow queen.

this is a theory that has been floating around for a while, but after recent events i would like to revisit and expand on it.

the thing is, the book the boar pincess that you can collect in the game is inspired by the snow queen. this book, aside from being quite disturbing, is potentially very important to the lore, as it was written by a member from the hexenzirkel, andersdotter, whose name is a nod to the author of the snow queen, hans christian anderson.

since kaeya is potentially a character from the snow queen, that would mean he might be connected to the other characters from the boar princess. i thought it would be fun to try and figure out the hows and whys.

please note that this will contain spoilers for every archon and world quest up until 4.1.

KAEYA AND KAI

i'll start by giving a brief summary of what the snow queen is about.

an evil troll created a magic mirror that would distort every beautiful thing reflected in it. this mirror shattered upon the earth, scattering its shards everywhere.

one day, a shard would lodge itself into the eye and heart of a young boy named kai. kai suddenly became very mean and cold towards everyone, even his childhood friend gerda, who was like a sister to him.

the snow queen whisked kai away, so gerda went on a long journey to save him. eventually, the shards melted because of gerda's compassion and love for him.

THE SIMILARITIES

most obvious similarities are their names. not much to say here, really. they just added a "ya" after "kai"

凯 = Kai 凯亚 = Kǎi yà

the story of the snow queen is a metaphor about losing your childhood innocence as you grow up.

in recent patches, it's been emphasized quite a few times that kaeya wants to protect klee's childhood and shield her from the cruelty of life. kaeya has also mentioned that he wished people could stay young forever and not deal with the troubles of adulthood.

kaeya and kai both changed drastically after their eyes were damaged.

kaeya's kit has some possible references to the snow queen: his fourth constellation frozen kiss could refer to the (platonic!!) kiss the snow queen gives kai.

极寒的轻吻 = Gentle Kiss of Extreme Cold

"Are you still cold?" she asked, and she kissed him on the forehead. Ugh! it was colder than ice, it went to his very heart, which was already more than half ice; he felt as if he were dying, but only for a moment, and then it seemed to have done him good; he no longer felt the cold.

his ultimate, which is a couple of a icicles spinning around him, has this voiceline when cast:

 …这刹那，将是你的永恒。= …This moment will be your eternity.

this could refer to kai having to spell out "eternity" with shards of ice.

[…] made many patterns forming words, but he never could find out the right way to place them for one particular word, a word he was most anxious to make. It was "Eternity."

we even get prince baited 💀 as gerda mistakenly believed kai became a prince by marrying a princess.

THE CURSED MIRROR

if you've played the melusines quest, you probably know where this is going.

we learn that, like durin, elynas and the melusines perceive things differently from regular humans. elynas and durin were abyssal beings brought to life by rhinedottir. elynas and durin both believed they were having fun on the surface, but they did not realize they were harmful to the humans and the environment around them.

melusines claim to see the "truth" of the world, or at least something close to it.

in the book of estoric revelations quest, we are dragged into a ruined post-apocalyptic world. however, the melusine canotila does not see destruction when she enters, but a beautiful serene garden. she does not see terrifying rifthounds but regular dogs.

Canotila: Perhaps you've heard that we Melusines can see things that humans cannot see… But for some reason, I see things differently, even when compared to other Melusines. I can always find things that have been hidden. I have read that the "nature" of things is hidden beneath them, and this "nature" decides their "future." Not that I know what that means…

why this is the case is unclear, but it might have something to do with the melusines being born from elynas.

anyway, back to the snow queen, all of this is very reminiscent of the troll's magic mirror that would distort every beautiful thing reflected in it…

Some of these bits were not as big as a grain of sand, and these flew about all over the world, getting into people's eyes, and, once in, they stuck there, and distorted everything they looked at, or made them see everything that was amiss.

the question is, who is actually seeing reality, us or the melusines? and does this have something to do with kaeya and pierro both covering their right eye?

remember how kaeya has a voiceline comparing himself to an owl that can see through things... a bit similar to what canotila said before.

Interesting Things: Have you ever seen the owl of Dragonspine? If you look directly at it, it seems to see right through you, while letting go of none of its own secrets... Quite fascinating, don't you think?

the goddess of flowers, nabu malikata also has something interesting to say about illusions breaking through the shackles of the land.

"And though the invaders (second who came) brought war to my former kin (seelies), they also brought about illusions that could break through shackles to the land. But the master of the heavens (heavenly principles), consumed by fear for the rising tide of delusion and breakthroughs, sent down the divine nails to mend the land, laying waste to the mortal realm…"

and last but not least, an abandoned letter to knight marshal anfortas mentions khaenri'ah throwing off the shackles of the world...

Of course, I am keenly aware that the four pillars of our kingdom have achieved the prosperity they have today precisely thanks to us spying upon secrets from beyond the skies, and thus have our mechanisms been able to throw off the shackles imposed by this world's laws...

it's unclear what the nature of this power is, exactly, but it's speculated to be forbidden knowledge.

THE BOAR PRINCESS AND THE WOLF PUP

brief summary of the boar princess: once, there was a wolf pup who was cursed by an evil sorcerer. the wolf pup swallowed the sorcerer but by doing so his heart was pierced by an icicle and he became cold and mean.

upon hearing what happened, the boar princess felt great sympathy for the wolf pup and set out on a journey to save him… she accomplished this by sacrificing her two friends to him.

…i don't think i need to explain the similarities to the snow queen here.

it's highly likely the boar princess is an analogy of real events in the history of teyvat. this has happened before with nahida and scara, when she turned his backstory into a fairytale to keep it safe from irminsul alterations.

they've also referenced the book quite a few times this year, even going as far as to show alhaitham reading it in official art. this might mean they want us to remember this book or the book is simply being memed on because of its disturbing ending.

so, who are the boar princess and the wolf pup? to start with, they are meant to represent gerda and kai. notably, there is no snow queen equivalent in the story, instead it's the boar princess or gerda who is the titular character. this could mean the boar princess IS the snow queen or would become her later on…

THE BOAR PRINCESS

the following is pure speculation but personally, i have long suspected the boar princess is the tsaritsa for a number of reasons, not just because the boar princess could be the snow queen.

The Snow Queen (Russian: Снежная королева, romanized: Snezhnaya Koroleva).

it is heavily implied the tsaritsa is or was the god of love.

Dainsleif: She is a god whom no one will love ever again. She is a god who will never love anyone again.

the snow queen tries to make kai forget about his love for gerda. even so, the most important message of both books is that love is an all-encompassing force that conquers all.

the boar princess is described as a generous soul. likewise we are told multiple times of the tsaritsa's benevolence.

About Tsaritsa: Her Royal Highness the Tsaritsa is actually a gentle soul. Too gentle, in fact, and that's why she had to harden herself.

tartaglia's voiceline reveals that the tsaritsa is a gentle person, maybe a bit too gentle. this matches the boar princess sympathizing with the wolf pup, almost to the point of insanity, as she sacrifices her friends to save him.

"No one deserves this fate." The good princess sheds a tear of compassion.

Friendship demands sacrifice. No friendships come without sacrifices.

perhaps these two friends were venti and zhongli, specifically, their gnoses. or perhaps it's meant to represent god remains that the tsaritsa is possibly using to create delusions.

Venti: Five hundred years ago, I knew her well. But I can't say the same is true now. You see, a certain catastrophe happened five hundred years ago, and after that, she cut off all ties with me.

with all that being said, i should mention that according to the story, the boar princess might be from mondstadt, so that could put a dent in this theory. however, it's not impossible that the tsaritsa was originally from mondstadt.

THE WOLF PUP

the identity of the wolf pup is a bit harder to figure out as there are several characters refererred to as wolf pup. namely rostam, who was signora's lover, and the first knight of boreas. it could also be andrius himself.

but since this theory hinges on this assumption that the boar princess is the tsaritsa, the wolf pup must be someone she was willing to make great sacrifices for.

this line from pierro implies that both the tsaritsa and pierro know what the gnoses are, as neuvilette also refers to his stolen powers as authority.

Pierro: In the name of Her Majesty, the Tsaritsa, we will seize authority from the gods.

one possibility is that the tsaritsa is working with a dragon to get their powers back.

but how can a wolf pup be a dragon? wolf pup is merely an analogy. he might have nothing to do with wolves at all. just like how scaramouche has no cat motives or association with cats, yet he was portrayed as a cat in the fairy tale. and we know dragons don't all look the same. azhdaha is a giant…bull thing and apep is a worm.

still, it wouldn't be too far-fetched if the wolf pup was a wolf. in norse mythology, for example, there exists the mythical wolf fenrir who was destined to kill odin.

...as you know, khaenri'ah borrows a lot from scandanavian mythology. if this wolf pup is a dragon, they could be one of the sovereigns, specifically the cryo sovereign.

the second possible identity of the pup is pierro because of this line which might hint at visual similarities

The pup was a carefree child who had bright blue eyes and slick gray fur.

pierro has one visible bright blue eye and long gray hair with one blue streak in it.

pierro has one eye covered (like kaeya) which might reference the shard of ice piercing kai's eye and the wolf pup's heart.

pierro is from khaenri'ah so it is likely he is or was cursed like the wolf pup.

oh, and i want to clear up a common misconception about pierro: he does NOT have the same open gem pupils as dainsleif and clothar. it's hard to tell but if you zoom in, they're actually closed like kaeya's. what the meaning behind this is, is unknown. but visual similarities between kaeya and pierro DO exist.

pierro has also mentioned that the tsaritsa knows his pain well just like how the boar princess sympathizes with the wolf pup's predicament.

Pierro: Then I shall become instead a fool, a Fatuus, and devote myself to Her Majesty, who understands my pain...

the third possibility is the first knight of boreas. the new weapon wolf-fang gives us more information about him. the story seems to have taken place a 1000 years ago, back when venessa was the grand master of the knights of favonius.

what's interesting is that this nameless knight used coins with strange symbols as payment indicating that he might have been from a place free from the rule of the seven. this could've been the dark sea which includes places like enkanomiya and possibly khaenri'ah.

Some noticed the exquisitely crafted yet battle-worn armor beneath the cape. But that didn't mean anything. Perhaps the armor's bearer was just another lost soul who had lost their prestigious position with the changes wrought by revolution. The tavern's owner noticed that the man paid with real gold and silver coins, though none recognized the symbols on them.

not much is known about him, as he only stayed in mondstadt for a few years.

this brings me to the matter of what exactly happened to the wolf pup. it seems he was corrupted by an evil that changed his personality and possibly the way he perceived the world. his friends ended up shunning him leaving him all alone.

perhaps this is an analogy for being corrupted by the abyss or it has something to do with the Curse (tm).

after that, the boar princess came along and presumably cured him by way of sacrificing lives.

...

okay, so what does this have to do with kaeya? good question!

i have no idea.

here's the thing, i am reasonably certain kaeya is at least partly inspired by kai. and i am a 100% certain the boar princess is inspired by the snow queen.

if kaeya is kai and the wolf pup is also kai, then that could hint at a connection between them. but in what manner i can't say.

they could also have absolutely nothing to do with each other, like how fischl has no known connection to the real "princess fischl". (though it would be cool if there was.) in that case, kaeya might just be a narrative parallel to the wolf pup.

either way, it's something to think about.

Kaeya: History always repeats itself. When you keep this in mind and watch out for the echoes of past events in the present, things that appear unfathomable at first glance become much easier to comprehend.

[cartoon-lovers-world]

Alright, so, I noticed I'm not the only one who wants Velvet to apologize, because she's not that bad, alright?

She is NOT evil! She is just WILDELY MISUNDERSTOOD!

Anyway, I tried to handle her character, hope it came out well

Redemption arc

"What's with her?" Floyd asked, gesturing towards the green-haired girl slumped over the jail's wall.

Veneer looked at her and shrugged, smiling slightly. "It's nothing," he said simply. "She thinks orange isn't her color."

Viva and Poppy exchanged glances upon hearing Veneer's words, and they took a step closer, Viva clearing her throat to get some attention.

"I don't know who told you this, but orange looks fantastamazing on you."

Poppy nodded. "Yeah, it really suits you."

Velvet rolled her eyes. "Yeah, whatever."

Her twin sighed, then turned to the others with an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry about her, she's just feeling…off, you know?"

"It's alright, really," Floyd said. "She can be a lot sometimes."

"Hey." Veneer's voice came out as a whisper, his tone carrying a hint of warning only Branch seemed to notice, given the way he looked terrified from the former-pop star for a second, before he continued, his tone softer, "I know she can be a lot, but she's my sister, and I know her more than anybody else, so trust me when I tell you that she is sorry."

Floyd was speechless. Velvet? Sorry? Now, these two words never went together in one sentence, unless it was negative. He wouldn't lie, he didn't hate her, not entirely. Maybe he was just…mad? He didn't know for sure. He peeked behind Veneer, hoping to catch a glimpse of the boy's twin, and he did.

Velvet seemed distressed, to say the least. Her arms were crossed, and her finger tapped against her arm in a pattern he couldn't quite pick on, and he could swear she looked slightly guilty for a split second, before she finally noticed his gaze, and her expression shifted to annoyance.

"What are you looking at, Floyd?"

The red-haired troll froze. "N-Nothing!"

Did she just call him by his name?

"That's what I thought," Velvet replied coldly.

"So, how have you been, Veneer?" Branch interjected, sensing the air growing tense.

"Oh, yeah, everything's been good," Veneer replied, beaming. "The food is edible, we're not getting as much hate as we used to, and…i feel real."

"I'm really happy for you, Ven."

"Thanks, Flo."

"Wow," Branch said skeptically, not bothering to hide his smile. "Nicknames already?"

His older brother looked at him and ruffled his hair. However, Branch didn't shove his hands away, instead, he chuckled.

"I'll have you know, B, me and Veneer actually used to talk a lot during those two months."

"Yeah!" the boy nodded. "We talked about, like, everything!" He approached the glass barrier between him and the trolls, lowering his voice as he said, "Especially about Velvet's bad hairstyles."

Everyone burst into laughter, except, of course, the troubled Mount Rageon in the background, who just groaned, a clear sign of a soon-to-come breakdown.

Everyone seemed to have missed her distress. How could they notice? Why would they? It's not like they cared about her, did they? No, of course not. She wasn't the kindest person, she knew that, but she was sorry, as much as she hated to admit it. The more time she spent trapped between these walls, her freedom taken from her, made her realize just how cruel she was with the Pop troll.

She didn't mean it. Okay, maybe she did a little bit. But it did trouble her at times when she went to bed at the end of the day. People only saw her as the meanie, arrogant, spoiled girl ever since first grade. Thinking about it, she never had real friends, and neither did her brother, did they? So how did he turn out like this, when she turned out like…this? She was just being a good older sister. She just wanted Veneer to have friends, something she never grew up with, nor even knew how it felt.

All Velvet wanted was someone who can talk to her without being worried about her reactions. Someone who wouldn't judge her silly dances. Someone who would listen to her, understand her.

She looked up, and, she's been bossing that person around. She hasn't been the sister he deserves, yet he never stopped loving her. What did she do to deserve him? Nothing. And how did she repay him? She got them both in prison. Both of them.

"I'm sorry."

All heads turned towards Velvet.

"I'm sorry, alright?" she repated, unsure of what else to say. She turned to her brother, who nodded, encouraging her to go on.

"Look, Floyd," she started. "I know you'll probably never forgive me, and I don't blame you, but just know that I'm sorry, okay?"

The room went silent. Velvet was actually apologizing?

"It's okay-"

Velvet interrupted him, defending herself, "Besides, you should know how fame can make you do stupid things, you're famous."

Floyd looked at the trio behind him. Viva had a confused yet suspicious expression, Poppy had a 'I believe everyone can change' smile, while Branch seemed unsure of what to do.

The troll took a step forward, "I understand-"

But again, he was interrupted by the female twin. "I mean, don't tell me you didn't do anything stupid before."

Branch. That's the first thing that crossed Floyd's mind when the words escaped her lips. Stupid decisions. He was no new to the word. Branch had crossed his mind every. Single. Day. Yet he never showed up. He did do something stupid, something he couldn't forgive himself for doing, even if it seemed like the victim in this scenario was surprisingly welcoming, as if he's been waiting his entire life for this moment. And unknown to Floyd, he has.

"I'm not mad, Velvet," Floyd finally managed to say. "And…i really appreciate your apology."

Velvet shot a glance to her brother, whose smile widened as he gave her a thumbs up, mouthing a sincere 'I'm proud of you'.

"So, uh…where are the rest? John Dory? Spruce? Clay?" She asked hesitantly, trying to get the attention away from herself for a while.

Floyd smiled. "Oh, John Dory and Clay are in the book club, and Bruce is in Vacay Island."

"Bruce?"

"How do you know their names?" Branch cut in, his tone gentle and somehow demanding.

"I just do-"

"It's not like Floyd will just give our names," he pointed out, and his brother nodded.

Veneer leaned forward. "She's a big fan of Brozone!"

His twin's eyes widened. "I am not-"

"She knows all the songs!"

"She does?! We too!" the Pop sisters exclaimed in unison, jumping up and down.

"I do NOT-"

"We know, like, every song they've ever sung!" Viva said excitedly. "We have all of them!"

"We can throw a party when you guys get out!" Poppy added.

"And we'll get Brozone to sing!"

"And invite Brandy! And Bruce Jr.! And-"

"Poppy!" the dark-haired troll interjected gently, taking his girlfriend's hand in his.

Poppy took a deep breath, looked into her boyfriend's eyes, then turned to face the twins, saying softly, "We can't wait for you guys to get out."

"Yeah…whatever," Velvet stammered, struggling to hide the blush that painted her cheeks.

"Time's out!"

Veneer, Floyd, and the pink duo pouted, staring at the source of the sound with disappointment. It was time for another temporary goodbye, much to everyone's, silently including Velvet's, dismay. However, just as they were about to make their way out, the Putt-Putt trolls leader stopped in her tracks and rushed to Velvet, shoving an almost-microscopic piece of paper into her pocket without a word, before rejoining the others.

—------------

"What is that?" Veneer asked eagerly, reaching for the tiny piece of paper in his sister's hand.

She quickly crumbled it, trying to suppress a smile. "It's nothing!"

The boy chuckled. "If you say so, Vel,"

Velvet nudged him, returning the piece of paper back in her pocket.

—------------

'Dear Velvet, I didn't want to admit it back there but your hair looks so fantastamazing. Maybe we can have a sleepover when you're out? We'll spend the whole night braiding each other's hair. Can't wait to visit you again.

Love, Viva and Poppy'

[shayshaybiscuit25]

I think people are moving on from CE’s most recent IG posts a bit too quickly.

Yes, he’s been spotted in PT again so people are mad all over again, but think about what he did before it happened.

Last week, on superbowl Sunday Ab posts herself skiing in France with her friends. This led people to immediately wonder if he was with her in France. Then, right during the middle of her trip, he posts a video of his dog (in real time, as it was in fact snowing that day), which more or less gives away he is at home without having to actually post his home. This immediately breaks the narrative that he could be in France with her. Since he posted this to his IG, I’m taking it as he wanted people to know he was with his pup. At home.

Sidenote: If AB was hoping people would think he was in France with her, her bubble was burst by him showing himself elsewhere.

This week, CE once again posts himself, this time in LA with the Russo bros and others at the brewery where Russos are invested in. Once again, the pics show CE without AB.

I also think it’s interesting that his IG is more or less business only now, and his two recent posts happen to go with work/brand (dog - jinx/dog dad brand) and work partnerships/ad promo (brewery and Russo brothers) WHILE showing his whereabouts without HER. Even if the LA pics are likely a month old, the fact was that he posted them on Monday and the Russo Brothers reposted same day. The GP is not going to go digging to see when those pics were actually taken. So IMO, the intention is to say I was here and recently.

Sidenote: this inadvertently throws a wrench into the AB living in LA whole time narrative she put out in her interview last month. His brother doing a cameo and showing his dog also hinted that when CE isn’t around, he has his brother or family look after the dog. What about his wife? Where is she? Then he goes to a brewery with industry colleagues to promote the place, but his wife is also missing there.

Why any of this matters: it doesn’t really if you don’t think it means anything. But I think it feels a bit strategic on his end.

However, AB. Tigers don’t change their stripes. She’s been still trying to prove she’s around him by following those comedians two days after he was seen at the comedy show (where nobody mentioned her).

I feel she’s been doing the same old thing she’s been doing for two years but this time her plans sort of got outted by him going against the script.

Her friends hid her from the apres ski party video but then larger video taken of the whole party showed she was with them (big LOL). To me, she’s still playing the same old game and she’s never changed her tune. I think a wrench just got thrown into her trolling because he also posted as well.

It’s very easy to tell she gets her friends to help her with the hiding narrative. How convenient right before Vday she’s suddenly being hidden from a post - I think their intention was to make it seem like she “left” to go home and be with him for Vday. Only to then get outted as being there for that ski party anyway. And lo and behold, DM later gets a “sighting of them on actual Vday” which seems very suspect but also convenient.

If you pay attention, it becomes easier and easier to tell this chick is 1000% behind all of her own trolling. She does this on purpose and while I won’t accuse her of being some type of evil mastermind (she’s not), I do think everything she does on her SM is intentional. I think she gets her friends to help her and I wouldn’t trust her as far as I can throw her.

Okay.

[catcas22]

Hello, hello again! I'm working on an idea right now, and I'm wondering if you could provide some input. It's pretty simple really—just one question. Just how ruthless of a ruler is Marika based on what we've seen in the game? I've seen a lot of people headcanon her as psychotic (funny image) and calculating, but some things are leading me believe otherwise to an extent and is making me think of a probably outlandish idea especially concerning her relationship with the Malenia and Miquella (kind of!). I'll be keeping those to my chest though until I eventually go through my thoughts again with fresh eyes.

- Outdated Theorist

This is something I've been wanting to post about for awhile, so this is as good a time as any to get my thoughts down on paper. Bear with me, I'm still trying to get my head around all of this myself.

Disclaimer: I haven't spent nearly as much time exploring and lorehunting in late game as I have in the early game. If I've overlooked something major, please let me know in the replies.

SPOILERS

First, I'm going to define terms. For a long time I treated the Greater Will, the Golden Order and the Elden Beast as if they were interchangeable. They are not.

The Erdtree: The current iteration of the World Tree, as it appears in the age of the Greater Will.

The Greater Will: An outer god, the god of the current age. Marika is its chosen Empyrean.

The Elden Beast: The physical manifestation of the Greater Will. Came to the Lands Between in the form of a falling star.

The Golden Order: The religion which has grown up around Marika, the Greater Will, and the Erdtree.

The Elden Ring: Physical manifestation of the structure of reality (the natural laws of the world). Existed long before the arrival of the Elden Beast.

Out of all of these, the Golden Order has the most direct influence in-game. We talk to its followers, we learn about its policies, we see the effect that it has had on the world. I think we can safely say that the Golden Order is an evil, tyrannical power structure. Aside from the long list of specific atrocities (the killing/shunning of omens, the enslavement of their former troll allies, the Tarnished hunts, the mass crucifixions...), the Golden Order has a half-dozen genocides, some complete and some ongoing, to its name.

The question then becomes, who is holding the reins of the Golden Order? Who is actually issuing these orders? Some possibilities:

The GO (Golden Order) is under the control of the GW (Greater Will), with orders being passed through the Finger Readers.

The GO is Marika's order, with her ruling directly prior to the Shattering, and ruling via servants such as Morgott or Gideon Ofnir after her imprisonment in the Erdtree.

The GO was enforced by Marika, but the GW was the one in charge.

The GO is simply the religion that people have built up around Marika and the GW. People like Gideon are the ones actually calling the shots. While the GO might profess loyalty to Marika, in actuality she is riding a tiger that she has long since lost control of.

Personally, I think some combination of options 1 and 2 is most likely. 3 and 4 would both make an excellent story, I just don't think that's the story that the game is telling. However, I don't have enough hard evidence to say for sure either way.

The second question: how much agency did Marika have in her relationship the the GW? The descriptions on Marika's Scarseal and Marika's Soreseal provide a degree of insight.

The scarseal (top) is found in the Sofria River, and the soreseal (bottom) is found in Elphael. If the in-game placement is at all significant, it would suggest to me that Marika had begun to chafe under her assigned duty at least by the time the twins established Elphael (fairly late in the timeline).

It is also worth noting that the outer gods do not seem capable of directly mind-controlling their Empyreans. The only instance of direct mind-control appears to be Blaidd, where it is explicitly stated that the GW activated him to kill Ranni. The shadows (Blaidd and Maliketh) seem to have a dual purpose -- protect their assigned Empyrean as long as they are useful, but kill them if they stray.

The fact that the shadows can be mind-controlled to kill their Empyreans suggests that the Empyreans themselves cannot be directly controlled -- if an outer god could brute-force compliance, the shadow contingency would be redundant. Also worth noting that while the Scarlet Rot can afflict Malenia's body, it does not appear to be in control of her mind. Even in her Goddess of Rot form, she remains lucid (or at least as lucid as she was in phase 1).

A possible refutation: We do see what appears to be the GW (or the Elden Beast?) puppeting Radagon's corpse in phase 1 of the final boss fight. However, there's so much ambiguity surrounding exactly what Radagon is and what's going on with him and the GW that I'm hesitant to use this as a data point.

So, possible interpretations:

The GW has been forcing Marika into service from the very beginning. She never had a choice, and she has been trying to free herself ever since.

Marika made a Faustian bargain that she did not fully understand. She allied herself with the GW in the pursuit of power, but quickly realized that she was in for more than she signed up for and started trying to get out of it.

Marika served the GW willingly early on, using her position as God of the Current Age to forge herself an empire. As the years went on, she began to doubt her path, and started making plans to remove the influence of the GW.

Marika was a willing participant and fully in control of the GO right up until the Night of Black Knives. Now that someone she actually cared about had been hurt, she finally turned on the GW, only to be imprisoned in the Erdtree for her treachery.

I tend to lean towards option 3, but you could make a case for any of these. How you interpret Marika relies on this foundation.

If option 1 is true, Marika is innocent, a victim of forces beyond her control much like Ranni, Malenia, and Miquella.

If option 2 is true, Marika is a tragic figure, with all her scheming and sacrificing in service to correcting a terrible mistake she made in her youth. This is my second favorite interpretation after #3.

If option 3 (which I find the most compelling), Marika is morally grey, maybe an anti-hero, maybe a sympathetic villain. On the one hand, she is fighting against the GW, which is admirable. On the other, she spent the better part of her life fighting for the GW because it suited her purposes to do so. Now that she's had a change of heart, she expects her children/step-children to either clean up her mess or die in the attempt.

If option 4, Marika is a spiteful, power-hungry sociopath. She was more than happy to lead a campaign of conquest, oppression, and genocide, right up until it affected someone she cared about. At which point she said "screw you guys, I'm going home" and took a literal hammer to the laws of physics.

Some of Marika's Dialogue, via Melina:

The Erdtree governs all. The choice is thine. Become one with the Order. Or divest thyself of it. To wallow at the fringes; a powerless upstart.

This suggests to me that in the beginning, Marika joined the GW willingly -- not under threats or coercion, but because she wanted to be the God of the New Age rather than remain "a powerless upstart."

Hear me, Demigods. My children beloved. Make of thyselves that which ye desire. Be it a Lord. Be it a God. But should ye fail to become aught at all, ye will be forsaken. Amounting only to sacrifices...

This is ultimately what pushes me away from option 2 and toward option 3. These are the words of a woman who sees her children as objects, tools to be used and discarded as convenient.

Ultimately, how much sympathy you have for Marika depends on how early she began to work against the GW. Marika wasn't on board from the beginning? Tragic, deserved better, trying her best, not the hero the Lands Between deserved but the one it needed. Marika was on board with the GW's agenda until like 5 minutes before she shattered the Elden Ring? Complete monster, genocidal maniac, worst mother ever, makes the Pale King look like a saint.

And honestly? We don't have enough information to pin down exactly when her attitude changed. That part is up to personal interpretation.

As for where the "Psycho wine-mom with a hammer" image came from, I think that's a combination of Rule of Funny, the option 4 interpretation, and the small-scale family interactions. You know...

"These two are kind of ugly." *flush*

"Yes Radagon, this is a booty call. No, I don't care that you have a wife and three kids."

"Me? Experience consequences? Nope, hammer time!"

While hilarious, I don't think Marika was meant to be that much of a one-dimensional monster in-game. Remember that GRRM developed the lore of Elden Ring. Marika might be a monster, but she'd be complex and well-written monster.

Hopefully that answers your question!

And a sincere thankyou to anyone who made it to the end of this novel.

[brainrattlers]

Play It Cool - Tyson Jost (10/n)

Author’s notes: Tyson is trouble. I think we all know this.This starts up right after the last chapter, AJ just left for work, Tyson still at her house. This chapter is pretty fluffy. I feel like we could use some fluff right now.

Pairing: Tyson Jost x OFC

Warnings: Maybe language? Little bit of self-esteem issues.

Word Count: 2581

Need Part 9? https://brainrattlers.tumblr.com/post/687680928392347648/play-it-cool-tyson-jost-9n

About two hours into her shift, AJ’s phone started buzzing with a text from Tyson saying he was leaving and made sure the door was locked. She texted back a quick heart emoji as she was working on a ladder with some wiring. A few minutes later, her phone was buzzing away constantly in her pocket, and she thought something was legit wrong. Grabbing it, she noticed instagram notifications pouring in. Scrolling around trying to find the start of the craziness, she thought she might have been hacked, but no… This was actually Tyson’s fault.

AJ noticed the notification that Tyson had tagged her in one of his posts. Clicking on it, she was faced with an image of herself sitting on the bed, back to the camera with the JOST 17 shirt on full display, bedhead in all of its glory this morning. Comments were steadily coming in as she was trying to figure out when Tyson shot the photo. 

josty17 love waking up with her lol

mackinnon29 @josty17 unless you don’t want to wake up with her anymore, probably should take this down (38 likes)

tornadethedoodle Dad says he feels this photo with his soul. #curls (30 likes)

landeskog.92 oh boy. This is not going to end well. (27 likes)

jostysgirl17 WHO IS THIS *cries* (12 likes)

AJ thought about it a moment, and against her better judgment, she commented

wicketthewarrior You have no idea what you just started. Be afraid @josty17, be very afraid.

Immediately likes, replies, comments and friend requests starting pinging her phone. For the time being, AJ just shut off notifications for Instagram and went back to work. She’d sift through some of the nonsense and settings on her lunch break. One more buzz of her phone was another text from Tyson.

Tyson: Hope you’re having a good day at work babe. (winking emoji)

AJ: You’re lucky you’re cute, Jost.

Tyson: (kissing emoji)

AJ rolled her eyes and finished up the first half of her shift. Jess texted her right before lunch asking for details of what exactly happened. She admitted the small panic attack from the night before stemming from the hit on MacDonald, and how awful she felt asking for Tyson to come over after the game. But the fact he did, and was a perfect gentleman (okay like 97% perfect gentleman, Tyson is Tyson after all), scored big points in both AJ and Jess’ books. The photo, however, garnered a split reaction. Jess: I’m with Nate on this one, that maybe wasn’t the smartest move… minus points from me. Funny, yes, but only because it wasn’t Nate posting me. AJ: Wait, are you saying that you’ve already crashed with Nate? (winking emoji) Either way you know Nate wouldn’t post that because *Nate doesn’t post*, ha. No… no… Tyson doesn’t even know what can of worms he has opened in doing this. He won’t know when his payback is coming, nor does he know what it will be. But.. it will be something. (smiling evil emoji)

While eating her lunch, AJ sifted through all the notifications that poured in on Instagram, including a few players and their significant others adding her, and slew of other follows. Most of them she would have been fine with, but there were already hateful comments being posted on older posts. Comments about how she was ugly, how Tyson could do so much better, or that he’s a chubby chaser. She wanted to read through all of the comments out of sick curiosity, but also they really stung at the same time. Ignoring the trolls seemed to be the best option, but still… it hurt her heart. AJ started to worry what Tyson was dealing with, if he was receiving nasty messages and such. 

It must have been like Tyson was having similar thoughts, because he just texted AJ. Tyson: Hey, do you have a minute? 

AJ: Yeah, would it be easier to call? Within seconds her phone was buzzing, ID popping up Maple Syrup <3.

“Hey babe, what’s up?”

“I’m so sorry.” Tyson didn’t even know what to say at this point. And AJ could tell what he was apologizing for wasn’t even the photo. He took a deep breath before continuing. “I didn’t think… that would happen.”

AJ was prepared for this, and yeah, while it sucks, there are a good chunk of assholes on the internet. When she and Nate would squad stream, similar comments were there, but they were directed at her, not Nate. There were some comments toward Tyson that were straight up brutal.

“It sucks, but nothing I haven’t been through before. Are you okay? I never meant to reflect badly on you. I’m more worried about you right now.”

He was better equipped for this than she realized. “You know I deal with all sorts of criticisms from journalists and fans ALL THE TIME, right? Rarely do I pay attention to it. You sure you’re okay though? I can take it down still.”

AJ actually laughed, which was unexpected. “I hadn’t planned on going public quite like that, but… it is done. You’re good at yanking off the bandaids sometimes,” AJ chuckled again, “There’s no taking this back. Jess already showed me that the photo was spreading on Tumblr and a bit on Twitter. We’re a THING for sure now. What we have to do next though is combine forces and become the next social media power couple.”

Tyson busted out laughing, which relieved AJ’s nerves a bit. “Alright, but you’re probably going to have to be my social media manager so I don’t do that again.” The couple chatted a few more minutes, closing out AJ’s lunch break. The two made a pact to not read the comments except for names they recognized. And AJ started making plans on how she was going to get Tyson back for the original post. As the author, I’d be lying if I told you AJ wasn’t laughing a little maniacally at the thought.

Later that week though, schedules synced up, and Tyson finally let AJ know what he wanted for dinner, to fulfill her end of the bet she lost bowling during the double date. It just so happened that it was a Saturday night that the two both had off. In fact, as soon as practice let out that afternoon, Tyson headed to AJ’s house, with an extra gift in his backpack. Worst case scenario, he figured it’d at least garner a chuckle. With a knock, he found the door open and let himself inside, announcing his arrival.

“In the kitchen, babe!” 

The smells coming from the kitchen immediately hit Tyson’s nose, and his stomach was growling already. He followed the scent to the kitchen, where he found AJ with her hair in a messy ponytail, dish towel slung over her shoulder, and flour across her forehead. He stood in the doorway, admiring the view, much like he did that first day he met AJ. Except this time, she wasn’t on a ladder, and he was wearing more than just a towel. She was still singing though, swaying slightly to the soothing sound of Chet Baker’s “My Funny Valentine” coming from the speaker in the corner of the room.

This put a smile on Tyson’s face, for a few reasons. First, he loved hearing AJ sing. But it also made him think of the music his grandpa’s jazz band would play. He quietly moved across the kitchen, wrapping his arms around AJ’s midsection and rested his chin on her shoulder. The two swayed side to side slowly as she continued to chop vegetables on the cutting board in front of her. As the song ended, he kissed her neck quickly, earning a giggle from the scruff tickling her. Tyson grabbed a chunk of carrot off the board, and popped it in his mouth with a grin. His eyes were wide with wonder as he lifted the lid off of the crockpot, simmering a pot roast. AJ raised an eyebrow, Tyson getting the hint to put the lid back on. 

A timer went off, and the chef ran to the oven to pull out a bowl of dough covered in plastic wrap. With a clap of her hands, AJ sent a puff of flour into the air, and got the dough out of the bowl with a loud PLOP. Her fingers pulled chunks of the dough apart, and placed a few at a time into a bag containing cinnamon and brown sugar. Tossing the dough balls in the sweets, she emptied them into a pan, tossing in some pecans and covered it all in a mixture of melted butter, more brown sugar, and maple syrup (the good stuff, not the fake stuff. AJ couldn’t bring herself to use fake maple syrup, especially since this was for Tyson).

This whole time, Tyson had something in his hands, meaning to give it to AJ but didn’t want to interrupt the master at work. He watched as she masterfully stirred, melted, poured, taste-tested, and seasoned the items cooking. It hit him how lucky he was that AJ was willing, if not happy, to do this. As she finally took a deep breath and wiped her hands on the towel on her shoulder while sitting down, he took the opportunity.

“I know you’re almost done, but I saw this and thought of you.” He handed her a gift bag, complete with tissue paper on top. 

AJ looked at Tyson quizzically, then lifted up the paper to find something that felt like heavy fabric. Pulling it out and unfurling it, she found an apron in her hands, stating “Kiss the cook!”

“Well, what do you think?”

The cook rolled her eyes, and put on the apron, tying it around her waist. She did a 360 spin in front of Tyson. He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss.

“Just doing what the apron says!”

A smirk fell across her face, but the moment was interrupted with another timer going off. AJ scurried over to the crockpot, adding potatoes and carrots to the meat and broth simmering. Tyson tried to steal another carrot, but his hand was swatted away. Looking at her watch, she did some quick math, and found that the roast and potatoes needed to cook about 2 more hours. She gave him the option to choose the backrub now or later, and if he wanted to watch a movie/series or play video games.

Tyson tried to defer to her, but all she said was “I just want to sit down, I’ve been cooking for about 3 hours straight.” The new apron was hung on the hook near the doorway.

After thinking for a moment, Tyson made the decision that they could watch a series, that way she could go check on things between episodes. He queued up Letterkenny as AJ flopped on the sofa. 

“Nope, on the floor.”

AJ raised an eyebrow. “What are you up to, Jost?”

“On the floor,” Tyson repeated himself as he was moving the coffee table away from the sofa, and then sat down. “Get in front of me.” He awkwardly spread his legs with his knees bent, and pat the space in front of him.

Not sure what the plan was, AJ sat in front of him with some hesitation. He didn’t pull her back to lean on him, in fact, he kept her upright. But she wasn’t prepared for what was next - the feeling of Tyson’s hands rubbing her shoulders. His thumbs found the knots in her neck and shoulders, and along her spine. He couldn’t help but chuckle at the moans that fell from AJ’s lips as he massaged her back. Her eyes closed and head fell forward as he continued his welcomed assault on her tired muscles. She was putty in his hands. After an episode of Letterkenny had finished, his hands came to a halt, and AJ’s eyes opened again.

“What was that for? I’m pretty sure I owe you a back rub because of the bet...”

“Thought you could use it after what all you’ve done today,” Tyson leaned forward to kiss AJ’s shoulder before pulling her back flush to his chest, leaning her head on his shoulder so they could look at each other. “Besides, I’ll cash in that back rub you owe me at some point.” He smiled, leaning down to kiss his girlfriend’s lips, then hugging her tightly to him before keeping his arms loosely draped over her as the next episode started.

A few more episodes of Letterkenny played as the two would laugh, simply enjoying each other’s company until the timer in the kitchen went off again. Tyson was like a giddy kid jumping up to follow AJ. He intently watched her remove the roast and fixings from the pot, leaving the juice to be made into gravy. She stirred in a few more ingredients to make the magic happen, and put the monkey bread into the oven. Lastly, after grabbing a couple of plates and the bowl of salad from the fridge, the three course meal began.

After the greens were eaten, she picked up the bowls, and brought the platter with freshly sliced roast to the tiny table, followed by the pan with potatoes and carrots, and the heated gravy. Tyson loaded his plate up with food and dug in. The first bite of roast with gravy left him with his eyes closed, mouth chewing slowly, and a stifled groan as he swallowed. He opened his eyes and licked the corner of his lip.

“I know I asked you to make YOUR favorite meal for me, but damn babe, this might be MY new favorite meal!”  

AJ blushed at the compliment. It wasn’t a tough meal, just a little time consuming. But it always made her feel at home. And the best part was still to come. Tyson filled his plate up with seconds of everything as the last timer was going off in the kitchen. One last trip resulted with AJ returning to the table with a pan, plate, and a trivet. With some flair, she flipped the pan onto the plate, lifting to reveal the sweet, gooey bread that had been baking earlier.

If you thought Tyson was intensely staring at the pot roast being brought out earlier, imagine him smelling the sweetness of the maple syrup, brown sugar and hint of cinnamon, causing his mouth to water. AJ definitely had to swat away his hand from the extremely hot dessert on the table.

“Patience, Jost. Good things come to those who wait.” She winked and blew a kiss to him.

Tyson pouted but finished the mountain of meat and potatoes on his plate, impatiently waiting for dessert to cool. In the meantime, AJ hopped up to pick up what little leftovers were left. She was expecting some roast to be left over to make some beef and dumplings for lunches later in the week, but she had forgotten she just cooked a small roast for a professional athlete. Cooking in the future would need to be adjusted if she was going to continue feeding him plus hoping for leftovers.

Finally grabbing a small plate and a serving spoon from the kitchen, AJ dished up some of the gooey bread, drizzling some of the golden syrup from the dish over the top and placed it in between the two of them.

“Don’t tell Nate I’m feeding you this.” 

Tyson didn’t even hear her, his eyes went wide as soon as he saw the mapley goodness trailing into the nooks and crannies of the bread, and his mouth simply went “oh wow.” 

Digging a fork in, a piece of the bread broke off from the other pieces, and quickly made its way into Tyson’s mouth. AJ just watched for his reaction before she dug in to get her own bite.

Despite his mouth being full, Tyson managed to mumble out, “holy smokes, I love you so much.”

Tyson smiled and tapped his foot on top of AJ’s under the table as she was able to enjoy her own bite. A happy sigh came to be - it was pretty much a perfect evening. Good food, good company, good time. The good company even picked up the last plate and headed back toward the kitchen, and started filling the sink up with hot water and soap, much as she did when Tyson made her dinner. Grabbing the remainder of utensils and such needing washed, the pair scrubbed, rinsed, dried, and put away all the items, leaving AJ a clean kitchen. Tyson brought the rest of the monkey bread in, popping off one more piece. He teased her, as if he was going to put it in her mouth, but smeared it across her cheek and lip before gently placing it between her lips. She chewed and swallowed while squinting at him.

“Really, babe?”

Without hesitation, just a goofy grin, Tyson caught AJ’s chin with his fingers, leaned in… and sloppily licked the sugar off her cheek. Part 11: https://brainrattlers.tumblr.com/post/688999944222277632/play-it-cool-tyson-jost-11n

[marypsue]

(feel free to ignore if you deem my questions too spoilery!)

hi!! i fucking Love the hawkins indiana psychic baby boom series thank you so much for sharing your brainchild with us. i saw in the final chapter end notes that part 3 is underway and i was wondering... will eddie make an early appearance, like robin did (for which by the way i kiss the ground you walk on)? since you're not doing s4 if i got that correctly. and do you have shipping in store for him? since his most popular partner is out for the count (yay stoncy!!) it occured to me that chrissy might be a player and i would love to see her in your hands, she has so much potential!! st s4 really made me ride or die for her in 10 minutes

also also... steve and barb's conversation about heartbreak and icecream made me think... was that a setup for barb hanging out at the mall a lot in the summer? i am greatly looking forward to steve & robin (naturally, im predictable like that) and i am also very 👀 about barb being an occasional addition... if steve & robin still get their summer jobs i suppose

well anyway! sorry for the rain of questions lolol. i really enjoy your writing and im looking forward to what you have in store for us!!

Anon I am squishing your cheeks together like an aunt with a beloved nibling.

Hello and thank you! This AU was entirely an exercise in self-indulgence for me, and I'm absolutely thrilled that it's made other people happy as well. (Honestly, I was expecting to lose some people with this second fic and the heavy foreshadowing of my favourite pool noodle of a ship, Joyce/Bob/Hopper, but instead I had three separate people tell me they hadn't considered the ship but now they were invested in seeing it happen in the AU, which I am counting as the biggest of wins.)

You read that right, I am wrapping it up after the third part. I've made some significant changes to the plot of season 3 (which...would have had to have happened anyway, considering how many things are different going in), and I'm hoping they'll make the antagonists and themes of the third part a better match to the first two and wrap the AU up nicely with a bow and a cherry on top. I still (yeah, still) haven't finished s4, because I'm still grumpy about it, but I have borrowed a couple of cues from one of the directions it took that I did like.

Having not finished s4 yet, I also have to say I'm not particularly invested in its new characters or in shipping them, and I'm not going to make them a big part of the storyline. I'm more concerned with making sure the characters I've already got in play in the AU get a fair shake and a satisfying ending. With that said, though, I haven't been living in a total bubble, I'm not made of stone, and I know people are excited to see Eddie and Chrissy. So. Don't expect much, but I'm not gonna totally leave them out, either. (ETA: I reread this and it sounds like such a bummer, lmao. Does it help if I say I got the BIGGEST evil grin when I finally figured out what to do with Eddie, and I’m reprising that evil grin thinking about how you’re going to react when you get to see it?)

As for the mall...it's a big part of s3, and also, I've been badly nostalgic for the malls of my youth (you know, before half or more of the stores were empty wherever you went and the general aura whenever you set foot inside one was of slow decline and misery). So yeah, Starcourt's absolutely still going to be a big part of the action. What that means for each of the characters, individually or otherwise, I'll leave you to speculate on, for now!

(Please feel very welcome to speculate. In my inbox, even! I love hearing about what people think is going on or going to happen next in my fics! I do however reserve the right to answer anything I feel is spoilery - or anything that's not actually spoilery, but I just feel like being a troll about - with a gif of an axolotl.)

[talesofargante]

The Guardian of Trollhunters Episode 6: Part 1 - Trouble Brewing

Pairing: Jim Lake Jr. x Liz Walker (OFC)

Episode Summary: With trouble brewing on the horizon for Arcadia, Liz helps Jim prepare for a high-stakes rematch against Draal for the amulet. However, their animosity gives way to a surprising partnership.

Words: 3.3k

Warning: mentions of death (if I miss any warnings please lmk)

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Liz Walker POV

Inside Barbara's car, Liz casually rests against the back seat, her eyes closed and arms crossed over her chest, tuning out the blaring sirens to listen to the conversation between Barbara and Strickler from outside in front of the police station.

"I can't thank you enough for coming to the station. They are so lucky she didn't press any charges." Barbara said in gratitude.

"Ms. Nomura is a personal friend. She agrees with me that this was nothing more than a reckless youth run amok." Strickler replied.

Before she could hear more, Liz felt a slight movement beside her. She opens her eyes to see Toby perked up from his seat, leaning forward to peer through the front windows.

"I mean, who else do you think is hiding an evil troll face? Coach Lawrence? Steve?" Toby let out a small gasp. "What if Strickler's one of them?"

"Strickler's been teaching history at Arcadia Oaks High since the dawn of history. If he's one, I'm one." Jim replied in earnest. However, Liz wasn't convinced as she turned her sight onto Jim through the side-view mirror. She saw Jim catch the suspicious eyes of Toby, watching Mr. Strickler with an untrustful look. Jim scoffed, rolled his eyes, and pushed Toby back, grabbing the phone and finding the picture that Toby had taken of the bridge, yet the symbols were barely visible as the image was blurry with flares of light.

"I know where I've seen this bridge. It's the same one that Blinky was talking about." Jim recalls.

"What? The Killa-thingy Bridge? That's, like, ancient history, right?" Toby questions, prompting Liz to speak up. "You mean the Killahead Bridge used during the Battle of Killahead Bridge as a portal to exile Gunmar and his army to the Darklands."

Toby glances at Liz. "Yeah, that one."

"They're trying to break Gunmar out," said Jim in dreadful realization, turning his head to look Toby and Liz in the eyes. "This is bad, guys. Like, "Goodbye, Arcadia" bad. As soon as we get home, we're going to Blinky."

Suddenly, the driver's side car door was pulled open with Barbara's voice startling the boys back into their seats in panic. "You didn't have to go through all this trouble, Mr. Strickler."

Jim quickly handed Toby's phone back, hiding his hands as his face had held many emotions. Strickler appeared in the passenger window, startling Jim as he spoke suddenly. "Please, "Walter." I'm sorry we had to meet under this unfortunate circumstance."

"There must be some way I can repay you. Coffee? Dinner? Appendix removal?" Barbara suggests, making the boys' eyebrows raise in shock as Liz struggles to hide her chuckle.

"I-Coffee would be a delight. And a rain check on the appendectomy." Strickler simply replied.

"Looking forward to it, Walter," Barbara said, making Liz want to cringe at that point. Though she found it amusing at first, she did not want to stick around and listen to it any further, wishing to be somewhere else.

Glancing at Jim, Mr. Strickler warns his student. "Watch yourself, Young Atlas. Next time, the consequences could be more severe."

With that being said, Strickler left as Jim turned to look at his mom. "Did you actually just ask my teacher out on a date?"

As soon as Jim asked that, everyone flinched back at Barbara's raised tone of voice. "Don't you make this about me. You guys broke into a museum!" Then, Barbara picks up a Chubby Tracker, continuing her scoldings. "And for this? You are grounded until you apologize to that woman."

Dropping the tracker, Barbara started the car while Jim let out a large exhale before his mother pointed her finger at him again. "You got me?"

"Yes, Mom."

"Yes, Dr. Lake."

"Yes, ma'am."

All three teenagers mumbled in reply. Turning on the ignition, Barbara turns her head to Liz. "Where do you live, Liz?"

***

Right after getting dropped off at the main entrance of her apartment, Liz waited until Barbara's car turned from the street out of sight before walking to her motorbike parked a few lots away.

Suddenly, her phone vibrated in her pocket. Taking it out, a picture of herself and Claire with poorly attempted Leia buns appeared on the screen, calling her. Instant realization crossed her mind. The rehearsal! I completely forgot!

Tapping the green button, Liz brings the phone to her ear. She faked a cough as she answered. "Hello?"

"Liz! Where are you? You were supposed to be here an hour ago. I got called by Ms. Janeth to practice in your stead as an understudy." Claire said.

Again, Liz faked another cough, trying to make her voice sound hoarse. "Sorry, Claire. I wasn't feeling so good after work that I went straight home and was knocked out. I think I caught my coworker's cold."

Claire gasps. "That's terrible, Liz! Don't worry. I'll let Ms. Janeth know and practice in your stead until you get better."

"Thank you, Claire. I owe you one." Liz replied in gratitude.

"No problem. Get some rest and call me if you need anything." Claire replied. After exchanging goodnights with one another, Liz hangs up and pockets her phone away.

Hopping onto her motorbike, she speeds out into the night, the engine roaring behind her like a pack of demons giving chase as it echoes her turbulent thoughts of her now chaotic mind.

How did these troll shapeshifters and goblins escape from the Darklands? Could there be a loophole somewhere? How long have they been walking amongst humans without anyone's knowledge? Who else could be a troll shapeshifter in disguise - besides the museum curator - in this small human town? And what is her connection between herself and the legendary Killahead Bridge?

***

Liz's thoughts continued to consume her mind by the time she reached Trollmarket alongside Jim and Toby, only to calm when she entered the pub gradually. Inside, Blinky and AAAARRGGHH sat at their usual table, drinking and chatting until they took notice of their human friends.

"Aha! There you three are! We've been waiting for hours," Blinky calls them out, waving the trio over to the table. The three teenagers each took a seat, their unsettled expressions drawing Blinky's full attention. "Hmm. Judging by your faces, something has happened."

Liz nods. "Jim and Toby found the goblin's den at the museum, but there's more. Last night, while all of you were investigating the goblin in the neighborhood, I went to the museum--"

"Whoa! Hold up. Are you telling me that you broke into a museum? Not just once, but twice?" Toby interrupts, flabbergasted. Liz groans, not entirely understanding why everyone is making a big deal of breaking and entering - despite her history of doing so more times than she could count - when there are worse things to worry about. "Yes, I did though I wouldn't call it breaking in. It's more like sneaking in, and I don't see how that matters now since we all did it. May I continue, please?"

"Uh...yeah," Toby said as Liz sighed. "Thank you. As I was saying, I went to the museum that night because, during our school field trip there, I felt traces of magic."

All of Blinky's widened, but thankfully he did not interrupt, listening intently.

"Come to find out, it was the Killahead Bridge that was emanating magic. It felt like I was led to it like I was meant to find it." Liz continued, unaware of the glances exchanged between Blinky and AAARRRGGHH. "Then, Nomura - the museum curator - appeared. I assumed that she was some unlucky human threatened to help Bular in rebuilding the bridge, but I was wrong after witnessing her transformation into a troll."

Blinky's and AAARRRGGHH's mouths drop open at her words.

"So you knew?" Jim interrupted this time, Liz's gaze turning towards him. "You knew about the bridge and that troll. Why didn't you say anything to us before we went into the museum?"

"Because no one would believe me unless I had proof, but I was on the verge of getting caught by that shapeshifter, so I escaped before I could gather any, and besides, I didn't think you and Toby would trace the goblin's den to the museum. If I had known, I would have stopped you both from going in, but I was too late."

"Hey, at least we made it out alive. And speaking of proof, you're in luck, my friend, because I do happen to have it in my very hands," Toby said as he pulled out his phone from his pocket, waving it in the air. "Behold! The evidence that proves the existence of the magic bridge!"

Toby brings up the image into full screen and hands it to Blinky. "Are you certain? Are you unquestionably, unequivocally..."

"I'm certain," Jim said affirmatively.

"Could be anything," AAARRRGGHH said before Blinky spoke up again, his eyes squinting at the blurry image of a glowing, half-completed bridge. "I concur."

"Tobias' photographic skills are less than exemplary," Blinky commented, making Toby's eyes roll. "Okay, it's a little blurry! You try taking a picture while hauling butt, mister!"

"Okay, well, what about the curator? How could a person just change like that?" Jim quietly asked as Blinky waved over a waiter, grabbing a drink off the tray as AAARRRGGHH communicated in troll language. "Could it be a Changeling they are referring to?"

Liz perks up at the familiar term as Blinky responds in troll language. "I fear as much, but perhaps, they may be wrong."

"It is a Changeling! I know what I saw. It may be my first time seeing one, but there's no mistaking it." Liz argued in troll language, making the trolls blink in surprise, forgetting for a moment that she can also understand and speak their native language.

"What? What is it?" Jim asked curiously, his eyes switching between the three, lingering on Liz the most.

"Changeling," AAARRRGGHH said simply, and perhaps a little too loud for comfort, making Blinky's eyes widen with shock, spitting out all the liquid that he hadn't swallowed as gasps filled the pub. With a quick movement, Blinky tried his best to cover AAARRRGGHH's mouth with only one of his hands. Every troll that had been relaxing in the bar turned to the table that had spoken that name. In response, Blinky let out a nervous chuckle and patted the smooth stone of AAARRRGGHH'S face, gesturing that his friend must have been drunk as the trolls turned around and conversed like usual.

"Not helping," Blinky scolded. AAARRRGGHH apologized. "Sorry."

Liz, Jim, and Toby leaned in closer, Blinky's voice dropping as he cupped his mouth with his hand, hiding the conversation from others. "Changelings haven't been talked about in quite some time."

While listening, Liz notices a troll, recognizing him as he stops behind them, eavesdropping. "Do you mind, Schmidt?"

"Whatever," said the eavesdropping troll, rolling his eyes as he moved away. Blinky started again. "In the Old World, Gumm-Gumms..."

The same troll stopped on the other side, peeking behind AAARRRGGHH, yet no one had missed his hulking figure. This time, Blinky threw him a threatening glare. Again, Schmidt rolled his eyes. "Fine."

Finally, after Schmidt leaves them to their little secret, Blinky continues. "...Stole our young and did something unnatural to change them. Their sole purpose...."

"To spy on the world above," Liz concluded.

Toby was intrigued. "What did they do to them?"

"Nasty business. Very messy." AAARRRGGHH replied, shaking his head, disturbed at thought.

Blinky waved Liz and Jim over, knocking a cup off in the process but caught it with his other hand and set it back on the table before leading the two protectors away. The three passed by as trolls played darts, using gnomes.

"These are the very reasons I doubt your certainty. I don't question you saw a bridge, but Killahead? It would take years to collect all of the stones. Decades, even. You would need an army of changelings." Blinky said in concern.

"I know what I saw," Jim said with certainty. "But if you can't take my word for it, then at least take Liz's. She knows about this kind of stuff more than I ever will."

Liz nods as they climb a set of stairs. "I understand that you are careful, Blink. But I swear that what we saw is real. I don't know why I was drawn to the bridge or made it glow, but I know for certain that it's Killahead."

Surprise flickered over Blinky's face. "You made it glow?"

Liz raised an eyebrow, wondering what Blinky knew. "Yes, when I made contact with it. And not only that, while I was fighting off the changeling, she admitted that she was not working alone. They're out there walking amongst us for who knows how long, and there is no doubt in my mind that they are close to finishing what they started."

Pausing at the landing, Blinky glances between Liz and Jim. "These are serious accusations, Master Jim, Lady Liza. Without proof, absolute bedlam will ensue."

Blinky continues ahead of the two protectors as Toby pops around the corner behind them. "Well, we have to tell someone. This is our city, too."

"Who? Our court-appointed psychiatrist? They're never going to believe us." Jim added, looking a bit defeated. Before Liz could say anything, a giant blue troll blocked their path. It was Draal, smiling with excitement as he stared down at his opponent. "Well, if it isn't the piece of flesh I'll pound into pancakes tomorrow. I look forward to your pain, and I'll drink to your death."

Jim's face turns pale, turning around to look at Blinky and Liz. "Death? What is he talking about? I thought this was only a rematch."

The cat is out of the bag. Liz thought to herself as she sighed. "To challenge a troll's honor can only end in ruin."

"It's all right there in chapter three of A Brief Recap – " Blinky stated before a disappointing realization crossed his mind. "You still haven't read the book."

"Now, hold on. This fight, I don't know, maybe we can, um, postpone it?" Jim said, even though he hadn't much hope that he'd get a positive answer.

"Postpone, you say? What a trainer! Does everyone in your company forget how to fight?" Draal chuckled in mockery. As AAARRRGGHH growls in response, Liz steps forward, glaring at the troll. "It seems your memory is getting dull, Draal. Perhaps I need to sharpen it for you."

"I'd like to see you try, princess," Draal scoffed. A steely glint flashed in Liz's turquoise eyes upon hearing that nickname. She recalls the past when Draal used to call her that. Whether endearing or not, he knew that she dislikes it and would sometimes use it to either annoy or distract her during their duels. Throughout her training, she learned not to react and simply ignore it, keeping her head straight in a fight. However, that does not mean she would let her opponent go unscathed.

With a menacing grin, Liz takes another step forward and speaks in troll language. "That can be arranged, old-timer."

Draal's eyes widened at first, almost forgetting that Liz could speak his native language, but then his expression turned into a sneer. Noticing the tension and a potential storm brewing, Jim intervenes, stepping in between the two and placing a hand on Liz's shoulder as he looks up to Draal. "There are things that have been brought to our attention. Things that have serious implications."

Blinky panics. "No, no, no, Master Jim! Shh!"

"By Kanjigar's honor, I would have made your death swift and painless, but, for that act of cowardice, I will show you no mercy when I take back what's rightfully mine." Draal growls at Jim. "Bid farewell to your loved ones, Jim "the Dead Meat.""

With that, Draal grunts and walks away, leaving Jim to process the information as Liz and Toby give a comforting hand.

"I'm going to die tomorrow," Jim said as he and his best friend sighed in defeat. Liz nudges her arm against Jim, gaining his attention.

"You won't die tomorrow, Jim. You will live to see another sunrise. I'll make sure of it. Now come on, Trollhunter. You still have training left, and there are a few more things I need to teach you before the night is over."

***

At the Hero's Forge, the Trollhunter stood in the center of the arena, his armor donned and sword in hand. A few feet away from him, Liz walks around him in a circle, her hands clasped behind her back. Toby and AAARRRGGHH sat down on the sidelines as Toby rambled on how he fought with the goblin and got his Chubby Tracker back. Blinky was not with them at the moment, perhaps in his study, contemplating the disturbing news they brought.

Stopping in front of Jim, Liz glances down at her watch before looking up and setting her hands on her hips. "Alright, since we got less than 12 hours before your fight, I'm going to teach you a few things I've learned that will help you defeat someone like Draal."

"You fought Draal?" Jim asked with wide eyes. Liz nods. "Multiple times though never to the death. Only for training purposes." She shrugs. "And for fun."

"I don't see how any of this is fun," Jim grimaced. Liz smiles. "You'll enjoy it once you get the hang of things."

"Now, what did you notice about Draal during your spar with him," Liz asked as she paced around Jim in a circle.

"He's an arrogant jerk." Jim bluntly stated, making Liz crack with laughter. "That I agree, but I'm talking about strengths and weaknesses, Trollhunter."

"Oh, umm..." Jim thought to himself for a moment. "..he has brute strength and – can curl himself into a ball and roll around with his spikes on his back to defend himself against enemies."

"Good! So, what about his weaknesses?" Liz questioned.

"Hmm. I – can't think of one other than his arrogance." Jim answered. Liz nodded as she continued to walk around him. "Okay. You're right about his arrogance. It can cloud one's judgment during a fight and ultimately lead to defeat if not controlled. Again, as I mentioned before from your first training session, arrogance gets you killed. Besides that, Draal has another weakness. A common blind spot that most trolls have. Can you guess where it is?"

Jim's eyebrows scrunch together as he thinks carefully to himself. His gaze wanders around the arena, settling on his friends, chatting on the sidelines. Watching AAARRRGGHH nodding his head to Toby's words, Jim realized something he had never noticed before. "His back. He cannot look over his shoulders."

"Bingo," Liz said, startling Jim at the sound of her voice, seemingly closer to him than usual. He snaps his head to see Liz standing next to him with a beaming smile as she continues. "If things get out of hand, just kick him in the gronk-nuks and get behind him."

Jim blinks, feeling his face warming at her closeness. "R-Right. G-Good idea."

"Great!" Liz clapped her hands. "Now that we know Draal's strengths and weaknesses, it's time that you learn how to use them and your surroundings to your advantage. After all, this training ground is where you'll be fighting tomorrow."

Leaving Jim standing at the center, Liz walks to the edge of the arena and whistles loudly to Toby and AAARRRGGHH across from her, gaining their attention. "For your safety, I suggest you both step back a bit."

After complying with her warning, Liz taps her foot on the floor, activating the mechanical obstacles. Feeling the ground tremble beneath their feet, Jim's eyes widen, his hands clenching the handle of his sword in front of him nervously as Liz casually stands with a smile.

"Let's begin."

Hello there!

I hope you enjoyed the first part of Episode 6! If you are interested in reading more, click on the links provided below!

This fanfiction story will be posted on Wattpad, Archive of Our Own, and Tumblr. However, Wattpad will serve as the original site for this story, so the latest updates will be there.

While reading, feel free to leave a comment [keep it negative-free, would you? thanks :)] or critique. I appreciate the feedback. And along the way, if you like the journey so far, leave a star, a kudos, or/and heart to vote! If you have any questions, feel free to ask as well and I’ll do my best to answer without giving any spoilers ;)

Again, thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.

Happy reading!

- Miss_Nightingale

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[cayofdreams]

A Succubus’ Dilemma

Summary: Succubus!Reader is struggling with her identity as she gets closer to Kirishima. She wants to continue being the diligent, strong-willed hero that he praises her for being but the presence of Eijirou Kirishima is making that unbearably difficult. She just can't pretend to be quirkless anymore…

Words: 4.5k

Rating: 🌊 Explicit, Smut 

Warnings: cursing, virginity (but there’s no explicit mention of it), oral (receiving), aphrodisiac, heavy overstimulation, a bit of corruption, kinda dark ending? 

Notes: ~Welcome to another steamy piece from your favorite island resort~ 

This one is pretty straight-forward. I feel like I kicked up the smut on this one. Also, I based the ending off one of the endings of one of my favorite yaoi visual novels :-)              

You were lying down on Kirishima’s bed, deeply engrossed in the romantic scene transpiring on your phone’s screen. You had decided to entertain yourself with an episode from your favorite show while your best friend was in the shower.

‘I love you, Jake. But…I just want to wait before we get intimate. I’m just not ready, right now’

‘Of course, Kathrine! I’ll wait however long it takes! You’re so much more to me than a warm body!’

‘You say that…but what if I choose to stay celibate forever?’

‘Then you can live with the confidence that I, Jake Petersmith, have wholeheartedly loved you for the wonderful human that you are!  

‘Oh, Jake! 

‘Kathrine!’

You were tearing up at the cheesy displays of affection since you were a sucker for all things romantic. You loved how characters seemed to have an undying love for one another. Often, you fantasized about sharing that kind of ethereal love with someone yourself. How it would be to run together through a field of sunflowers, or skip hand-in-hand on the sandy surfaces of the beach, or even make couple pranksters YouTube videos that were so obviously not faked.

But that kind of future won’t happen for you. It can’t. Not in the gross body you were in. Surely you were easy on the eyes, but what lurked inside was a demon that constantly bewitched your thoughts. Making you see people around you as simply meat sticks and sticky caverns to be engorged in.

Simply put, you were a succubus. Or at least had a succubus-like quirk. You never told anyone though, only being known to your parents. You tried so hard to reign in these feelings on a daily basis while pretending to be quirkless. But it was becoming increasingly difficult as you got older and as you hung around the likes of…Kirishima.

Oh Kirishima. He was such a beautiful human on the inside and out. Always praising and encouraging you. Being there for you when it seemed you were at your worst low points, and then being there to pick you up and trophy you around when you succeeded at doing even just the bare minimum. You wished you could return even half the happiness to him that he gave you throughout your days at U.A. You wanted to do all the romantic things you saw in movies and books with him. Kirishima was just such a sunshine in your life and you wanted him to continue warming you for the rest of it.

There was a time where 90% of your thoughts toward him were like this…and then as time went on, they became more savagely. Where all you wanted was for him to sink those sharp teeth in your flesh, ravaging your body with a cock that could probably barely even fit inside you, holding you within those arms- those beautifully muscular arms that glistened provocatively with sweat when he trained. You wanted him. Needed him. Please desire me, Eijirou.

You were about to slip your hands down your underwear when you heard the creak of the door open.

“L/N!! Did you miss me?! I’m back!” Kirishima bursted through the door with that wide grin you loved so much.

Of course, I freaking missed you, Eijirou. You were only gone for 11 minutes, 35 seconds, and 23 milliseconds. But I missed every moment.

You covered up your lust with a chuckle. “You weren’t even gone that long.”

“Aww don’t say that!! I missed you, you know.” He teased at you.

Don’t tempt me, baby

“Haha, whatever, Kiri…” You sat up as Kirishima slumped down on the floor next to his coffee table and pulled out his laptop. “So what are we watching, tonight?”

“Hmm…not sure! What do you wanna watch, L/N?” He turned his head to smile back at you. He was so cute. So gorgeous. And your erotic thoughts seemed to be running rampant right now. Especially at the fact that the two of you would be huddled up alone together for who knows however long a movie marathon is. You had to find a way to quickly rid yourself of these thoughts.

“Mmm, let me look up some! Hold on.” A blatant lie. You were going to google get-dry-quick schemes so you could enjoy the rest of the night safely with Kirishima. It was the least he deserved after training so hard today.

HOW TO NOT BE HORNY??!!1!

You analyzed your search results before clicking on a forum where someone seemed to be going through the same dilemma as you.

‘Hello, my name is [redacted] and I’m horny all the time ☹. I’ve lost so many boyfriends because of it and I truly want to find a husband, but it would be silly of me to expect them to drop everything to please me. How can I stop these feelings?’

Someone just like you! You weren’t alone in this cruel abyss. Perhaps she also had a succubus quirk!

Looking through the answers wasn’t much help for the most part. Most of the replies being trolls who asked where she was so they could “help” her. Even worse were the ones that chastised her for her feelings. Saying she was impure and needed to change her ways.

But your eyes were intrigued at the first comment that seemed to provide some kind of helpful information.

‘You might be a nymphomaniac. Have you tried talking with a professional?’

A nym- what? What was that? You opened another tab.

What is a nympomiac?

Too concerned with research to get the correct spelling, you saw articles for definitions of the auto-corrected word.

Nym∙pho∙ma∙ni∙ac

               Noun: a woman with uncontrollable or excessive sexual desire

Gasping at the accuracy you divulged further.

How to not be a nymphomiakc?

A lot of the results for this returned with solutions that were too time-consuming. Prescribed medication, cognitive therapy, and even some evil medieval treatments that involved leeches.

But you needed something now. Why were all these long-winded answers so abundant?! Couldn’t they just give you something to do now? What the fuck would you have to do?? Shove an iceblock your pussy?? Should you go ask Todoroki for a favor??

You were in the middle of texting Todoroki when Kirishima pulled you out of your frenzy.

“You find anything, L/N?”

“Gyahh! What?!” You dropped your phone and looked at Kirishima like you were a deer caught in his headlights.

“Woah, you okay there?! Did I scare you? Maybe horror isn’t a good idea, then.” His worried face could send you to the grave. How could you let him worry about you like this?

“Ohh..no Kiri. I’m fine. We can just watch whatever you want.” You eased your breaths, desperately trying to sound normal.

“You sure?! Awesome! There’s this zombie flick I’ve been meaning to watch but I get kinda scared watching stuff like that alone.” He clicked around happily through some tabs on his browser. “I think if its with someone as courageous as you, I’ll be less scared.”

Was he trying to make you cry? Saying something so beautiful like that with a face like his. Shame on him, honestly.

“I’m gonna play it now, you ready?”

“Mmhm”

--------------------------------------------------

The movie so far was just as you hoped: grotesque, gory, horrifying, and most importantly, non-arousing. It helped that you stayed on the bed while Kirishima sat on the floor, so I guess that was cheating, but nonetheless necessary.  

“You doin’ okay up there, L/N?” Kirishima checked up on you. You had probably been suspiciously quiet due to concentrating on waving away any little lewd thoughts.

“Oh yeah, what about you, Kiri?”

“W-Well! I was kinda thinking! That maybe uhh…I could possibly join you up there?” He scratched his head in nervousness at his slighty flirty suggestion.

Oh no

“Up where?”

“On the bed. Y-you know…with you?”

At this point you didn’t really know whether to praise or curse the gods above you. If there was one thing you could be sure to thank them for, it was the dark room that hid the flustering of your facial expression.

“I-Its your bed after all…”

“I know! I guess its just- heheh..nevermind! I’m hopping up!” Kirishima rugged his massive body on the bed next to you. Even taking some of the blanket you had so you’d be forced to share with him, he just softly smiled as he did so.

This was way too much for the hellion within you to handle. You could smell his strong scent from beside you. His breathing more pronounced in your ear drums. And its like you could feel his heartbeat within you. Pulsating inside you…

Things would take a turn for the worse when it seemed like a sweet romantic scene was about to show up. The two main leads were alone in a bunker and one of them had just revealed they were bitten.

“Samuel, Nooo!”

“Lilia! Listen to me! I need you to hear what I have to say.”

“We don’t have time, Samuel! We- We need to get you medicine. We have to! We have-“

“Stop, Lilia! There’s nothing that can save me now! You and I both know what happens from here.”

“Samuel…”

“Lilia… I want you to be the one who does it.”

“I can’t…Samuel..I can’t”

“You have to, Lilia. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved.”

“Don’t do this, Sam…”

“I love you, Lilia.”

“Oh Samuel! I’ll never be with anyone else! Ever!”

“Lilia…”

The words lingered in your head as the movie continued on.

‘I’ll never be with anyone else’

Was such an option available to you? Even if you did take away the innocence of your love, Kirishima Eijirou, who’s to know how your body would react? The best result would be that your body would finally be satisfied and you’d no longer have these perverse thoughts.

On the other hand, maybe you’d just sink further and further down. Drowning in the suffocating waters of lust. And then what? Kirishima can’t just drop everything to cater to your needs. No. He was going to be hero. An amazing one at that.

But Kirishima wasn’t just a hero, he was your best friend. You felt awful every time he would praise your strong-willed persona. Saying how amazing you were despite being quirkless. He’d even say you were more manly than him at times. It was like you were betraying him. You were betraying that innocent smile he wore for you everyday…you couldn’t hold it anymore.

“Kirishima.”

He looked back at you, surprised at your rare use of his name. Sensing something was wrong he paused the movie and turned his entire body to face yours.

“L/N, what’s wrong”

You were doing it again. Making him worry over you. But you couldn’t keep holding in this secret. You needed to tell him.

“I have to ask you something…”

“Please ask! I’m listening with all ears, L/N” He perked up at you. He looked just like a puppy, waiting for your every move like that.

“What do you think about…impulsive people?”

“Huh? Impulsive people?” He scratched his head at the question. “Well…I guess they’re entertaining to watch? Kind of like Bakugou. But I suppose being too impulsive is bad. You could get yourself or others in danger.”

Your head lowered at his statement, eyes closing shut. Of course he would say something like that. It’s only natural for humans to be mindful of their indulgences. They had to. It’s a part of social conformity after all.

Yet still, it hurt.

He noticed your displeasure in his answer.

“What’s wrong, L/N? Why did you ask that? You’re not impulsive at all!” He was trying to cheer you up, but it only dug the knife further into your chest. “You’re one of the most dignified, tough, and resilient people I know!”

Tears were starting to form in your eyes and before you could object him he continued.

“A-and that’s why…That’s why I love you, F/N. I want you to be my girlfriend.”

As much as you wanted to pull him close to you and pamper him with kisses, you needed to come clean. You shot up from the bed, your back faced towards him and your handing closing into a clenched fist.

“That can’t happen, Kirishima! It won’t work!”

Kirishima followed you by jumping up from the bed, grabbing you by the arms to get you to face him. “Why, F/N?! Why can’t it happen? Is there something wrong with me?! Please just tell me!”

“Nooo…nooo there’s nothing wrong with you, Kiri..” The waterworks flowed from your eyes and violent sobs escaped from you. You slumped down on your knees in sorrow. Kirishima joined you on the floor and tried to pull you into him, but you’d jerk your body away. “You know nothing about me, Kirishima…I’ve- I’ve lied to you.”

“What do you mean, F/N? What did you lie about? I’m sure its not that bad!”

“I’m not quirkless, Kiri…” A couple more sobs came out of you. “I-I’m a demon…a succubus. A filthy succubus! Just a filthy disgusting succubus!!”

Not being able to stand your self-hatred, he grabbed you by the jaw to force you to look at him. His blazingly crimson eyes met your beautifully wet e/c ones. “Stop that, F/N! You’re not disgusting! Or filthy! You could never be those things!”.

You gripped his wrist and pulled it harshly away from you. “What would you know?! You don’t know the things I deal with inside this wicked head of mine! I encompass the most obscene thoughts about people! About you! Every morning I think about how I’m going to seduce you and get you to desire me just as much as I do! Every training session I look at that beautifully sculpted body of yours and I mentally defile it! Thinking of you as nothing more than a walking, breathing dildo! I see you when you’re smiling with your friends and all I want to do is just steal you away make you mine forever! And every night, I cry at the lack of pleasure I’m getting. The lack of warmth that I only want YOU to give to me. The lack of feeling your hot, meaty cock inside me! It drives me insane, Eijirou! I hate having these thoughts! I hate them! I hate them! I ha-hmmph!”

Kirishima had suddenly kissed you, and you had returned it by ravaging your tongue around his. You didn’t care about the cuts you might receive from his teeth grazing against your delicate flesh. You could only be swallowed by the pleasures overtaking your mouth. You drowned in each other, but only briefly before you had placed your hands on his chest and pushed him away from you.

“What are you doing?! Didn’t you just hear what I said?” You struggled to catch your breath as you wiped away the remnants of his saliva from your face.

“Why didn’t you tell me this, F/N? Did you…did you not trust me? Did you not think of me as manly enough to handle this?” His hands gripped tightly at your shoulders, craving a reply from you.

“You know that’s not true, Kiri. You’re the best person to ever come into my life, and that’s why I had to withhold this secret from you. I didn’t want you to abandon me.”

“I could never aban-“

“But I also didn’t want you to get wrapped up in me. I want you to continue your goals of becoming a hero, Eijirou. Who knows what sanity you’ll be sacrificing by being with me. It’s not a chance I’m willing to take.”

“That isn’t your call to make.” Kirishima’s uncharacteristically cold reply created an atmosphere that overwhelmed you.

“What do you mean? Hiding my quirk was the best decision.”

“Did you really think about me?” Kirishima’s hands glided from your shoulders to your upper arms, still holding a tight grip. “Did you think about how I’d feel if I knew you were holding yourself back like that? What if you’re killing yourself and you don’t know it? I’m supposed to be a hero, F/N. Your hero.”

Before you could reply he had stood up and lifted you back on the bed. He layed you down and positioned himself between your legs, squeezing at your thighs. They were so soft, so delicate. All of you was soft and delicate. And nothing you had told him tonight would change the way he felt about you. There was nothing you could say or do to change his feelings for you. Nothing.

You tried to pry his hands away from the meat of your thighs, but you were admittedly weak from his confession and the thick, encompassing atmosphere that was Kirishima’s presence around you. “Kiri-“

“Eijirou. Call me Eijiirou.”

“…Eijirou. We can’t do this. It’s dangerous…”

“It’s dangerous if I do, its dangerous if you don’t. But I’m telling you right now, F/N, I’m not letting you continue to do this to yourself. Knowing that you’re hurting like this and not being able to do anything? Not doing anything to help the one I love? What kind of hero would I be?...What kind of man would I be?”

Kirishima then leaned down to capture your lips in another kiss. You tried to move your head away but he took one of his hands against your jaw to hold you in place. It felt so good. So fucking good. His lips, his tongue, his rough hands. You teared up just at the pleasure of it all.

He then took his other hand to lift up your shirt, revealing your bra that contained the softest bust that any man could ever lay his hand upon. And right now that man was him. And he’d make sure it’d always be him.

Letting go of your lips, he roughly caressed your breasts before completely pulling your shirt over your head. Faint thoughts of resistance would slip away as you lost yourself in the pleasure you’d been craving for so long.

Struggling to get your bra off, Kirishima impatiently ripped it himself, using a bit of his quirk in the process.

“Eiji…”

“Sshh, baby. I’m gonna take care of you so well.” He slipped off your shorts along with your underwear and threw them unmindfully on the floor. Gripping the flesh below your inner knee, he spread your legs wide enough to slightly sting.

Your pussy was overflowing with juices for him and he barely even touched you yet. He took a moment to relish in the view, taking in deep breaths to smell your intoxicating aroma. He was inexperienced at sex but he knew this erotic perfume you were exuding could only have been the work of your succubus traits.  He leaned down to give an experimental lick, his tongue curling to make sure he could gather as much of your juices as he could. He let your flavor sit in his mouth as if trying to enjoy the last sip of water on a mission in the desert.

His lewd behaviors made an unbearable heat rise to your face and you cowered behind your hands. Irritated, Kirishima jerked your hands away and looked at you as if you just insulted his entire lineage.

“Don’t you dare cover up that beautiful face of yours.” He leaned his head back down, this time capturing all the folds of your pussy in his mouth. “I want to see every expression you make. Hear every seductive sound that leaves that your throat.” The vibrations of his voice on your pussy drove you crazy. The rapid moving of his tongue against your clit was immediately sending you to a heavenly dimension.

“Ohh Eiji…Eiji I’m gonna cum…”

“Cum for me, baby. I want it.”

Your orgasm was so intense you could’ve passed out, but you couldn’t. Not with Eijirou still licking all over your clit like that.

“Oh my god, Eiji! Eijiii” Your hands gripped at his spiky hair, tugging tightly trying to get him to have mercy on your sensitive bud. “F-ffuckk! I can’t, Eiji, I can’t!”

Still not letting up, he continued to overstimulate you with his relentless tongue. “I’m sorry, F/N.” He slurped up your juices before working his tongue again. “You taste so fucking good. Like the freshest fruit from a garden.” He rotated between drinking up your fluids and licking vigorously at your clit. “I can’t stop, baby. I need more. Just cum again, okay?”

And cum, you would. A second orgasm was on the horizon and the overstimulation of it was making you shed tears. “Eiji…I’m gonna cum again. Oh my fucking god, I’m gonna cum againnn- Hnngh!!“. Intense waves of pleasure rode over you. However, Kirishima was still lapping up at your folds. “Eijirouuuu!!!”. Your moans became more high-pitched and erratic as you were overstimulated now for the second time.

“Just one more time, baby. I promise”. “I swear I just-“ Slurp. “Never tasted-“ Slurrp. “Anything so fucking good before.”

You were left with no choice but to cave into your third orgasm and Kirishima seemed to show no mercy for you. “Fucckkk.” You sniffled through your sobs as your next high came quicker than the previous ones. Finally Kirishima had lifted his head from between your lips. He had the most animalistic and erotic face you could have ever dreamed of seeing.

“Damn, that was so good. You did so well for me, baby.” Kirishima gleamed with the shine that was your juices. He leaned down to entwine his tongue with yours. You could taste yourself on him and it made you delirious. You had just cum three times, but you wanted more. You needed more.

Kirishima felt the same way as you as he backed up to give himself space to take his shorts off. Cock now springing free, you could see the beast of a rod he had and it made your mouth water. You whined at just the thought of the pleasure you were about to become entranced by. He lined himself up at your sopping entrance, but before he could slip in, you lightly pressed on his chest to get his attention.

“Are you sure, Eijirou? You can stop right now if want. I won’t be mad at you at all. You’ve already done so much for me, tonight.”

His cheeks faded into a deep pink as he moved your hands to be at his shoulders.

“I want you, F/N”. He stuck the tip of his cock in you, grunting at the tightness of your entrance. “I fucking want you.”

You let out a guttural moan as he slowly stretched your pussy to fit his cock. You finally felt it. The warmth you’d been craving deep inside. The stingingly sweet pain of his cock stretching out your drenched pussy. You could die right now. Right here in the arms of the man you loved. And your ghost would be perfectly okay with it. But your flesh craved even more. You needed him to reach the deepest parts of you. You needed him to destroy your greedy pussy.

“Fuck me, Eijirou. I want you to fuck me like the greedy slut that I am!” You looked directly into his dazed eyes, whining at him to give you what you wanted. “Please, I want you so bad. Mark this pussy with that cock of yours. Make me unable to think about anyone else like this. C’mon, give it to me! ”

Too aroused by your begging, he silently obliged. Sinking the entirety of his cock inside you, he twitched at your pulsating walls. It was like your pussy was a  breathing organ, sucking him in and tightening around him so he could never leave. And he wasn’t going to. He’d stay like this forever with you.

Not giving you time to get used to his size, Kirishima started thrusting brutally against your hips. You let out the sweetest moans as you littered his back with scratches. His thrusts becoming smoother and smoother as your pussy got used to him. His cock ferociously grazed against your g-spot as the tip teasingly nibbed at your cervix. The perfect mix of pleasure and pain, you felt your now fourth orgasm approaching. You let go of his shoulders to lay your head back deep in the cushions of his pillows.

“Eijirou, you’re gonna make me cum again! You’re gonna make me cum all over your cock-!”

“Oh fuck- me too, F/N”. The rhythm of his thrusts became more faltered as your walls inhumanely squeezed the life out of him. He looked at your cock-drunk face, pleased with his performance. “Where do you want it, baby?”

You raised your head to reestablish eye contact with him. “I want it inside! Cum inside me! I need your cum so bad, need to feel it in my-Hmmnghh!!” Your orgasm overtook your speaking as you groaned hysterically.

Kirishima not far behind you, quickened his pace to chase his own high. “Shit, F/N! I’m gonna cum inside you! Fucking take all of it, baby! Don’t let any seep out, okay?”

You moaned at the hotness of his seed spurting inside. It was so deep inside you and you wondered if it was either easier or more difficult to get pregnant as a succubus. Either way you wanted more and your walls clenched once again against Kirishima’s cock.

He grunted before leaning down to bury his face in your neck, once again starting to thrust inside you. He was overstimulated but your pussy was driving him crazy. Perhaps your juices were an aphrodisiac, making anyone a slave to the area between your thighs. He kissed along your jaw and brought his hand up against your throat. He didn’t squeeze tight, just enough to get your attention.

He rose his head up to get a good look at your face. You looked liked a corrupted angel beneath him. He couldn’t believe you withholded him from these pleasures for so long. Were you just gonna go fuck other guys? You were going to let other men taste what has been his all along? He needed to hear you say you belonged to him. He’d give up anything to hear your sweet voice tell him everything from your insides and out belonged to him.

“Tell me who you belong to, baby?”

You replied with no hesitation, willing to say and do anything to milk more of his cum inside you.

“You, Eijirou! I belong to you! My flesh, my womb, my guts! Everything belongs to you Eijirou!” You felt another orgasm filling up in your stomach. “Please don’t ever leave me, Eiji. I want you with me forever. “

Of course, this was something he had no qualms about doing. He was ready. He’d give up school, his goals, his life to please you at every waking moment. He’d keep you pumped full of his cum so you’d never think about anyone else. You wouldn’t even remember what it was like to live like you weren’t a succubus. You’d be happy like this. With him.

Because he was your hero.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

So, you know how we've literally run out of characters in HP for you to dissect and/or give us your hc and opinions about? Well I'm thinking maybe we could give you ships! You know, like the ones you already did, Dramine. Tomione, etc. Can you do Harmony, or Harry x Hermione? I, personally, don't ship this. At all. I wanna know what you think! Will their a$$hole personalities clash? Also have a great day! =)

You know, to the surprise of everyone I feel like I don’t have much to say on Harry/Hermione. The fics generally aren’t great, not terrible either, not exactly my cup of tea. 

I guess what I’ll say is that, to me, Harry/Hermione is very much a product of the films.

You see a very palatable, nice, Hermione with an equally palatable, nice, Harry. Usually in the fic the author’s never sure why Ron is even their friend and he slowly (or very quickly) gets written out of the story and dumped by the friend group. Ginny might also be crazy and evil on the side, poisoning Harry with love potions or what have you, depending how much the author feels the ship is threatened by Ginny’s existence.

Harry/Hermione is choosing the Betty out of the Betty and Veronica line up. It’s the amiable girl next door pairing, the long time friendship, something comfortable and sweet that makes sense given all Harry and Hermione have been through together. If Harry and Hermione of the books were... not Harry and Hermione of the books I’d probably have expected Harry/Hermione to be the canon pairing we get. As a trope, it makes a lot of sense, and in many ways makes far more sense than Ron/Hermione (which is a dumpster fire of a relationship) or Harry/Ginny (which is just... weird). 

Which is why it’s almost always invariably dull.

Hermione’s the Emma Watson Hermione. She’s sweet, she’s nice, she’s smart but not obnoxious, and after she figured out her hair turns out to be quite pretty. Harry is sweet, perhaps a little angry from time to time, but a stand up guy who in these stories is a far better friend to Hermione than Ron.

Usually we learn that Hermione always liked Harry better than Ron but for Reasons (TM) thought she never had a chance with Harry or else tolerated Ron for Harry’s sake. Harry slowly learns that Ron truly is a dick to Hermione, that he just doesn’t know Ginny or Cho well enough to be in a relationship with either, and Ron is iced out of the friend group. Then Harry and Hermione defeat Voldemort in a subplot none of us care about.

That’s it.

That’s all there is.

For an entire 100k word story. 

It’s not particularly bad, it doesn’t offend me in the same way Dramione often does, but it’s not particularly interesting either. To me, there’s no draw to it, it’s just... there.

I guess what I find most noteworthy about it is how nice they make Hermione and Harry.

Harry in the books often treats Hermione much the way the It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia gang treats Dee Reynolds. Hermione’s the nagging female friend that he and Ron never want to listen to. Doesn’t matter what she’s saying, Hermione wants them to do their homework? Boring. Hermione thinks that extremely suspicious Firebolt package might be a bomb? What a stupid bitch. Hermione’s a stupid bird that Harry and Ron barely tolerate. Hermione knows this too, it’s why she endeavors to make herself so very useful to Harry and Ron. Because if she’s not, if she’s not their research monkey and homework guru, she’s back to being that girl crying in the bathroom nearly smashed by a troll because everyone hates her.

More, Harry shows 0 sexual interest in Hermione. She’s his ugly girl friend who is practically “one of the guys”. He’s utterly flabbergasted, along with Ron, when Hermione snags Victor Krum as a date to the Yule Ball (and even more stunned that Hermione cleans up well). However, while eventually Ron and Hermione enter the 90′s typical romance of will-they-won’t-they and they-argue-because-they-love-eachother, Harry doesn’t care. Harry doesn’t feel threatened by Hermione’s interest in Ron, gets over the pair of them dating fairly easily, and it’s basically at the point where Hermione could dangle herself naked over Harry’s bed and he would not care. At all.

I think, especially given Hermione’s awe of Harry before she gets to know him (he’s in books and famous, he saved her from a troll, he’s her first real friend), that if Harry had expressed any interest they probably would have ended up in at least a short lived relationship. Of course, it would have been a complete disaster, because Harry’s not dating material but it probably would have happened at some point.

And then of course Hermione would pull a full on Medea should Harry ever make the mistake of breaking her heart. 

As for Hermione... I won’t say that she wouldn’t ever be interested in Harry. Definitely at first he’s a far more solid friend than Ron (who was an outright ass to her and continued to be so even when they started dating) but I think she realized early in that Harry was not an option. Harry gets friend zoned because Harry friend zones her so... I don’t really see her ever pining after Harry, he’s just not an option to her.

I’m not really sure why Hermione goes for Ron the way she does. I think it’s because he’s also A Friend of Harry’s. By dating Ron, no one else ever gets in the way of the friendship, they’re the golden trio forever. I think Hermione also likes to be safely smarter than her significant others. I don’t blame her for this, throughout the series Hermione is only valued for her intellect and has to be The Smart One or else is kicked out of the club. So of course she’s going to seek a relationship where she’s secure in being The Smart One. Now, Harry’s dumb as bricks, or at least as dumb as Ron, so that doesn’t really eliminate him as a possibility. So... basically, I think if Harry had shown interest then Hermione would have gone for it, but he never does, so it’s off the table and she never considers it seriously. 

But that’s all moot point because Harry/Hermione never features Harry and Hermione of the books. If it did, well, I imagine the plot would be their horrific murder of Draco Malfoy and the subsequent coverup where they pin it on Umbridge.

[perfectlywisedelusions]

so peter maximoff has a future in the mcu.

Well I just did a lot of digging, and guess what I found out. So you know that book Wanda was reading at the end of WandaVision? It could be the Darkhold, which is basically an ancient evil spellbook that showed up S.H.I.E.L.D. And Quicksilver’s spirit was trapped in this book in the Marvel comics. Basically, anything could happen where Peter was trapped inside this ancient book, and accidentally freed by Agatha and her spells. Perhaps he is under Witness Protection, as hinted by Jimmy Woo. Or some of his consciousness could still be trapped and he’s currently living in Westview suffering from major amnesia, and Wanda using the Darkhold will free all of Peter. I would like to point out that Agatha can control “Ralph.” She refers to him as her “husband” early on. So she possesed the ability to control him since episode 1. But, assuming “Ralph” was under Wanda’s control, like everyone else in Westview, Agatha shouldn’t have been able to control him, as she can’t control anyone else. And “Ralph” has Quicksilver’s powers, an ability that Agatha can’t give him. Her powers are mental manipulation, illusions, and spells. She can’t manipulate reality-that’s what makes Wanda special and the Scarlet Witch. So there’s no way she could give an average human super speed unless he already possesed it, and there’s no way she could control “Ralph” unless there was something wrong with him. IE, he was summoned by Agatha, therefore Wanda couldn’t control him because someone had already gotten to him first. Or he’s suffering from amnesia, so he doesn’t really have memories for Wanda to control, leaving him wide open for Agatha. And then, there’s the whole Mighty Avengers plotline. See, Loki disguised as Wanda decides to show up and recruit the Mighty Avengers. And with Wanda AWOL in Norway, the time is ripe for him to start his own team in the Loki show, perhaps. You know John Walker in TFAWS? He is recruited into the Mighty Avengers. When he is recruited, he goes under the name U.S. Agent. And U.S. Agent is also brainwashed by oil company Roxxon, which shows up in the Loki trailer. Some of his plotlines are being hinted at already-why not this one, too?  Quicksilver is also recruited into the Mighty Avengers. So basically, a potential plotline that ties all three Marvel shows (WandaVision, Loki, and TFAWS) together involves Peter Maximoff. He’s already showed up. And we have to keep in mind-if Evan Peters truly cares about his character in the X-Men movies, he wouldn’t sign on to WandaVision simply for a stupid joke. He’d read the script, realize it would make fans angry, and hopefully refuse to do it. However, if his character had a future in the MCU, he’d probably agree to sign on then.

Plus I’d really hope that Marvel wouldn’t just troll everyone. Like, what purpose does that serve? It doesn’t really make sense. Also also, Evan Peters is kind of too expensive to hire for a dick joke (I’m guessing).

[renaerys]

Okay I've got one: Prompt 15 with Reds. 🤣🤣🤣

15. “I can’t hear a word you’re saying, I just keep thinking about how good that mouth feels.”

Somehow they can make even breathing a competition.

Send me a prompt and some characters! Reminder that the challenge is to make everything SFW, so we're getting creative here.

List of prompts

xxx

“So, we’ve called the paramedics and they’re on their way, but until they arrive it’s up to us. Remember the acronym, kids: C-A-B. What’s the first thing you do?”

Aiyeesha Simpson, a gunner in the making destined for academic greatness and social ruin, raised her eager hand. “Find a flat surface to lay him down!”

“Correct.” Blossom took Brick by the shoulders and shoved him down to the floor. A gaggle of Girl Scouts gathered around him as he wheezed for air.

“Ow,” he said.

Blossom patted his chest. “Please choke more quietly.”

I will end you, he thought so loudly he hoped she could hear him through the murder in his eyes. There was community service, and then there was cruel and unusual punishment. When his required hours were up and his record expunged, he was going to write a very negative Yelp review of the local Townsville Girls Scouts of America chapter and tank this year’s cookie sales. Supremely annoying, outrageously petty, and totally legal. That would teach Blossom for sure.

“Place your hands here between the nipples.”

Some of the Cadette Girl Scouts giggled. To be fair, Blossom of all people saying the word nipples in reference to her former mortal enemy as she trained a room full of twelve-year-old girls in CPR using him as the dummy was a perfect storm of absurd and kinky that he did not see coming. And now he was giggling himself, because he was a teenaged boy who thought the word nipples was funny regardless of the very clear contextual cues, and that pubescent shame was on him, one hundred percent.

Blossom, an ancient and inconveniently attractive evil resurrected in a lab for the sole purpose of making his life miserable, did not appreciate his amusement. “Push hard at a rate of 100 to 120 compressions per minute. Remember to put your bodyweight behind it, like this.”

Brick flexed, and Blossom pushed against his heart like she was trying to crush it in her hands. Once, twice, three times she administered compressions, and Brick’s eyes glowed red with impotent rage.

“Assist Blossom with her CPR lessons to her satisfaction, and we can forget this ever happened,” Mayor Bellum had promised Brick when he lost his temper and blew up an (empty) ambulance. Butch didn’t need his Super stomach pumped no matter how much he drank, so the ambulance and the four-figure bill that came with it were completely unnecessary. This defense did not convince the mayor, however.

The promise of the bill forgiven and his record cleared—and the deterrence of Aiyeesha Simpson filming the whole thing to upload to YouTube later—gave Brick the strength not to eye beam Blossom in front of the children.

“Okay, who wants to try chest compressions on the dummy?” Blossom offered to the girls.

You evil bitch, thought the aforementioned dummy.

After the third little girl properly placed her sticky, little girl hands between his nipples, Brick had had enough. “Hey, I’m still dying over here. Can we move on already? Jesus Christ.”

“Of course.” Blossom smiled, and she had never looked more terrifying.

Brick hoped Butch was suffering. He hoped he was hung over so bad he couldn’t piss standing up. He hoped Butch tried going online only to find that Brick had disconnected the Internet and cut him off from all his online games and porn because fuck Butch and his weak-ass stomach.

“Who knows what the next step is? Maybe someone other than Aiyeesha this time?”

None of the other girls seemed willing to stick their hands up. The carpet under Brick had scorched where his power leaked out in his building resentment for this entire situation. The smell of burned polyester just made him feel even more powerless to stop this.

“No? Okay, well, remember the acronym. A is for airway. You want to be careful about a possible neck injury, so gently lift the chin…”

Blossom’s hands were not sticky like the Girl Scouts’ hands, but they were cold where they touched his skin and forced his head back.

“Are the paramedics here yet?”

Brick got a tight fist in his short hair for that one, and he considered it a small victory. “No. Something about a shortage of ambulances, apparently.”

Biiiiiiiitch.

God, he was going to destroy her so bad.

“Once you’ve cleared the airway and confirmed there are no obstructions—”

“Then you kiss!”

Some girls picked up the giggling again. Blossom, ever the professional, cleared her throat. “Mouth to mouth is a life-saving procedure and not something I’d recommend doing to someone you plan to kiss.”

Wow, great advice.

Some girls still giggled and whispered to each other. Brick had a sinking feeling that this was only going to end with his embarrassment: everyone knew that the cold judgment of pre-pubescent girls was the absolute worst type of judgment a person could suffer.

“Are you gonna show us?”

“Well, I don’t think I need to show you all how to breathe—”

“It’s in the manual! You have to demonstrate every step.” Aiyeesha waved the CPR manual, and Brick realized his misjudgment. She was no vapid goody two-shoes in the making, but a future Honors Student with a secret, a Work Hard Party Harder, an Ivy League Early Decision candidate with all of senior spring semester to slack off because no one was ever going to touch her 4.3 GPA.

Aiyeesha beamed a winning smile at Brick, and it was as chilling as Blossom’s.

Jesus Christ, there are two of them.

True to form, Blossom had never been able to defy a good instructions manual. “I suppose if it says so in the manual…”

Locking lips with Blossom was not a big deal. He’d done it before when they were kids, and he could appreciate the irony of a gesture meant to save his life this time rather than end it. She didn’t even try to mess with him by using her ice breath, just went through the motions as described in the instructions. The girls were disappointed with the lack of hormonal fanfare of it all, which was probably for the best. Leave it to Blossom to make mouth to mouth the sexless, medical act it was literally intended to be. He was almost upset, because it felt like she’d won something here, which could only mean he’d lost.

Disappointed but more educated than they’d been when they’d arrived two hours ago, the Girl Scouts dispersed after the lesson, leaving Blossom and Brick to put away the equipment they’d used.

She held a dummy torso, and she was looking at him with that pinched, constipated look she got when she was about to say something especially snobby. Instead, she surprised him. “Brick, thanks for being mature about it. I can honestly say you surprised me.”

He stared at her.

“I’ll talk to Mayor Bellum. I’m sure you’ve done enough to meet your hours quota.”

He had not fulfilled even half of his required community service hours and they both knew it.

“So yeah, thanks. I can finish up here if you want to leave.”

Was she trying to get rid of him? Why?

“Brick? Why are you looking at me like that?”

When Blossom was winning, he was losing. That was simply the way of the world. So, if she was losing, it could only mean he was winning.

“Are you listening to me?”

Brick smiled in what he hoped was a cool, sexy way if he imagined looking at anyone but Blossom. “I can’t hear a word you’re saying. I just keep thinking about how good that mouth feels.”

Blossom stared. “I’m sorry?”

He would make her sorry.

“Yeah, you’re a great teacher. I could really feel your passion for demonstrating the lesson correctly. With your mouth.”

Her staring intensified. “Did you.”

“Oh, yeah.” He leaned his hip against the table like he’d seen in the movies. It worked for Daniel Craig in Casino Royale, and that guy had convinced Eva Green. Iconic. “I could really feel you trying to save me.”

Where was Aiyeesha with her phone to film this? There was so little he could do to rattle Blossom as they got older, and while the challenge delighted him, it was also exhausting being constantly a step behind her. Was this truly her demise? Had he won the Teenage Experience? Was this poetic justice for how she’d once killed him with a mere kiss, only to suffer the same fate in turn? He could have cackled. This was better than trolling the Girl Scouts of America reviews, although he might still do that because it was a genius idea and he had always indulged his own genius ideas when they came to him.

So infatuated was he with his own self-fellating digression that he was slow to react to Blossom sidling up to him. Her hand was still cold on his chin, and it sent a shiver down his spine. ���Shall I save you again?”

Brick’s dignity drained with his blood, which was an unfortunate side-effect of being a teenaged boy that he would just have to suffer. But winning was about recognizing one’s weaknesses and working around them. He leaned into her personal space. “Please.”

He wasn’t sure who kissed who first, but it was happening and all he could think was I am better at this than you and I hate you and also Do that again. He tried holding her waist, and she fought back with her fingers in his hair. Not one to be deterred, Brick tried some tongue but pulled back when he tasted thirty degrees below zero. He immediately went back in because he could feel her superiority, her Got you, you horny idiot, but the joke was on her because he liked her cold, always had when it was hot as balls out and he’d make up any excuse to pick a fight with her just for the chance to cool off.

The Girl Scout troop leader walked in on them competitively making out in the classroom like it was an Olympic sport and put an end to things, leaving them at a frustrating draw for now. They said barely a word to each other when Brick glared at the troop leader so bad she flustered and didn’t even question them before running out of there with some excuse about getting the wrong room.

Later that evening, Brick caved and changed the Internet password back just so Butch would quit whining at him. He Googled kissing techniques and spent the next hour and a half watching YouTube videos and reading GQ articles about How to Please Her Like a Champion, because he was a champion and a winner and he was not going to lose to Blossom in this. Not a chance.

This had to be what they meant when they said kill with kindness.

“I’m going to end you,” he muttered to himself as he read about the top ten highest voted movie kissing scenes, which he would then stream and commit to memory in order to be fully armed and armored for the next time he encountered Blossom alone in a classroom. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe during their shared free period.

Truly, he had the most genius ideas.

xxx

If you enjoy my writing, check out more of my fics on AO3, link in my profile. I’m currently updating Trinity House and The Alchemy of Us. Thanks for reading!

[qqueenofhades]

Fake dating AU for the idiot Heartrender Husbands! I beg of you!

As ever, I am preposterously easy to enable, and since they will eventually make an appearance in A Phantom in Enchanting Light, I decided to write their backstory for that verse. Also, “fake dating but it’s only fake because they’re both idiots” is an Aesthetic. I love them.

Moscow, 2010

The guy is most definitely late. Fedyor got here early – probably too early, since they’re supposed to meet at eleven and he arrived by quarter past ten – but it’s now 11:08 and still no sign of him. Fedyor has claimed a corner table in the coffee shop just off Red Square with its splendid old tsarist-era décor, surrounded by the murmur of conversation and clicking laptop keys as his fellow Muscovites get on with their daily lives. The rule is fifteen minutes, yes? If Ivan Sakharov doesn’t show up in another seven, Fedyor is free to bail. But it’s been so long, and Nadia, the mutual friend responsible for this set-up, has begged Fedyor to give him a chance. And since it is understandably difficult to date as a gay man in Russia, Fedyor’s patience must be tested longer than usual. He sips his flat white and glances at the door again. Still no Ivan.

Fedyor opens his phone and checks the photo that Nadia sent him, trying to decide if this man is attractive enough to compensate for his tardiness. It’s hard to tell. It is 11:14, and he is absolutely about to pack up and leave by no later than 11:25, when a tall, grim-faced man in a red windbreaker strides in. He stops short, glances around, spots Fedyor, and powers over with such single-minded determination that Fedyor fears he’s about to be arrested. “Hello,” he says curtly. “I am Ivan Ivanovich Sakharov. I believe you are waiting for me?”

“Ah – ? I am Fedyor Mikhailovich Kaminsky, yes,” he manages, offering a hand, which Ivan crushes in a Terminator grip. “It’s – nice to meet you?”

Ivan snorts, pulls out the other chair, and drapes his jacket over it, then orders a small plain coffee (black like his soul, evidently). Then he returns, sits down, and claps his hands as if he is calling a misbehaving class to attention. “Where are you from?” he barks. “How long have you lived in Moscow?!”

Fedyor continues to gape. He’s genuinely not sure if this is Ivan attempting to get to know him on speed-run, or if he’s being interrogated by a FSB agent who can’t even act for two seconds like he’s not. It’s ominously possible. Dmitry Medvedev is the president and there are hopes that there might be a social liberalization, but the Orthodox patriarchs and the far right have been increasingly agitating against Russia’s embattled LGBTQ community, and things could just as easily get worse. Is this a setup or a setup? Nadia would never knowingly put him in a dangerous situation, of course, but maybe she was likewise fooled. You’d think that if this was a sting, they could have found a guy who was actually capable of pretending to be on a date, but maybe that’s the point? What the hell is going on here?

Fedyor opens his mouth, then shuts it. As a matter of fact, he is originally from Nizhny Novgorod, but moved to Moscow for university and has lived here for seven years, but if Ivan is with the FSB, he probably already knows that. Is this a trick? Is Ivan trying to match him to some police intelligence file or see if he’s a liar? Fedyor is seriously about to get up and walk out (or maybe sprint out) when Ivan, perhaps realizing that he’s blowing this to a heretofore unprecedented degree, says, “Sorry. I am from Krasnoyarsk. I enjoy rugby.”

Of course he likes rugby if he’s from Krasnoyarsk. This is a disaster. “Uh, what side?”

“Krasny Yar,” says Ivan, in the tone of a man about to stand up and belt out the fight song. “I also enjoy football. Yenisey Krasnoyarsk. Though I have begun supporting Lokomotiv since I came to Moscow. That was five years ago.”

So, he’s definitely a hooligan. Fedyor does his best to keep smiling. In the flesh, Ivan is definitely not unattractive. His hair is crisp and brown, there are glints of hazel in his eyes, and he has that hard, chiseled handsomeness that Fedyor always ends up getting suckered into. Except for the fact that he is lively, extroverted, and outgoing, likes clubbing and mingling and making friends, and this man does not appear to have ever heard of a single one of those things. What was Nadia thinking? It’s not like her to whiff this badly. Or did she have to be so circumspect in asking Ivan if he would like to meet Fedyor that, even if he’s not an undercover cop, he is in fact clueless about the true nature of this social engagement? Thinks it’s guys being pals?

“Did you have somewhere you were coming from earlier?” Fedyor asks, after another excruciating silence. “Is that why you were – ?”

“My apologies. The bus was late. I am normally very punctual.” Ivan scowls ferociously, as if the bus ever dares to do such a thing again, he will personally murder it. “What hobbies do you enjoy, Fedyor Mikhailovich?”

“I think you can call me Fedyor, yes?” They are clearly nowhere near “Fedya” and “Vanya” just yet, but “Fedyor Mikhailovich” always makes Fedyor look around warily for his grumpiest professor at MSU. He tries to think of subtle conversational gambits to find out what Ivan knows, without being obvious. Oh God, he really should just cut his losses, but something – perhaps the pathetic conviction that even a terrible date is better than no date at all – keeps him in his seat. Presuming that he does get out of here alive, he will call up Nadia straightaway and ask her many, many questions, mostly consisting of Why??! “Well,” Fedyor says at last. “I like having fun?”

“I also enjoy fun,” Ivan says, stone-faced. “I am very funny.”

Russian humor is normally extremely deadpan, to the point that Fedyor does wonder if Ivan is in fact a diabolical troll genius, but somehow he doesn’t think so. The rest of the conversation proceeds in this fashion, but by the end of an hour, Fedyor still has no idea if he has just been on a date or a trip to the gulag. Ivan gets up, administers another bone-crushing handshake, thanks him for his time, and marches out. Fedyor can practically hear the Red Army Choir thundering some patriotic anthem in his wake.

When he gets home that afternoon, Fedyor is resolved to write off the whole thing, except it was weirdly kind of not as bad as he first thought, maybe, somehow. If nothing else, he’s fascinated by this, like watching a slow-motion train crash. He takes out his phone with the intention of calling Nadia, only to see a text message from an unfamiliar number. When he opens it, it reads, Hello. Your company was agreeable today. Thank you. Perhaps we could meet again next week. Please reply yes or no. The message uses the formal styles of address, and some of the spellings are slightly old-fashioned. He has also signed it – Иван Сахаров – in case there might be some confusion with another Ivan the Terrible at Dating of Fedyor’s recent acquaintance. It is a bit like getting a text from the undertaker.

Fedyor stares at it, insanely tempted to burst out laughing, and finally, just because now he’s too curious to refuse, texts back his gracious acceptance. Still chuckling, he makes dinner, and then, as his phone pings with Ivan’s response, wonders in horror what on earth he is getting himself into.

This is how things continue for the next six weeks. Ivan and Fedyor meet up for the second time, stroll sedately around one of Moscow’s many city parks together, then part ways, and this time it’s Fedyor’s turn to ask if he would like to do it again. He isn’t sure exactly why, except that Ivan is unexpectedly easy to spend time with, and he nods in stoic approval of whatever Fedyor says. Of course, they follow the usual rules of dating which are especially important in Russia: don’t talk about politics, don’t talk about religion, don’t talk about America, don’t talk about Ukraine, don’t talk about Chechnya. From what Fedyor can glean, Ivan’s views tend to the doctrinaire, but he is surprisingly undogmatic, and willing to at least act as if he has an open mind. If he was an FSB agent, it feels like he would have busted Fedyor by now, but maybe he is waiting for him to do something unmistakably gay. That’s not it. Right?

Nadia calls, wanting to know how it’s going, and Fedyor grills her for forty minutes over whether Ivan is a law enforcement plant, a lonely guy looking for a friend, the world’s most method practical joker, or just extremely stupid. Nadia insists that he is actually very nice once you get to know him (HA, thinks Fedyor) and has no particular affection for either the ruling classes or the oligarchs. He can certainly be an acquired taste, but he is not evil.

Forced to accept it, still chickening out of asking Ivan whether he knows they’re dating, wondering if they are dating, if Ivan knows that Fedyor knows they’re dating, if Fedyor only thinks he knows that they are dating while they are not actually dating, or if Ivan thinks he knows that they’re dating while they’re… whatever the fresh-fried fuck is truly happening here, Fedyor trudges off for what has become his almost-weekly rendezvous with Ivan the-Maybe-Not-Quite-So-Terrible. They manage to have a few conversations verging on meaningful, and Fedyor has found himself telling Ivan about his family and Nizhny Novgorod and other such things. Fedyor likes to talk and Ivan likes to listen, though he breaks in now and again with a bone-dry quip. He’s still never what you would call loquacious, or easily forthcoming, but Fedyor likes that. Ivan is tough, complex, enigmatic, guarded, occasionally willing to let down his walls but only if the other person is worth it, and Fedyor finds, to his surprise, that he wants to be worth it. If this is a long-con mind game, he almost doesn’t care. (Almost.)

The problem, however, is that they’ve been seeing each other regularly for a month and a half and they haven’t gotten any closer than walking through a park, outdoors, in full view of their fellow comrades. Even the first time Fedyor takes the plunge and invites Ivan to his apartment, they sit three feet apart on the couch, watching a badly-Russian-subtitled version of Die Hard and providing critical commentary. Fedyor’s English is a lot more fluent than Ivan’s, and his middle-class family, while not exactly wealthy, is definitely better off than Ivan’s hardscrabble clan of miners and loggers in Siberia. That upbringing certainly does explain, to some degree, why Ivan is the way he is, and Fedyor wonders anxiously if Ivan views him as an insufferably posh city boy. Ivan barely finished high school and went straight to working in a Krasnoyarsk aluminum factory. He definitely did not faff around Moscow State University and attend global development seminars in Paris.

Nonetheless, despite their obvious differences, they do get along, and Fedyor is unable to deny the fact that he would, if it’s all right with everyone, like it to be more than that. Of course, finding out if Ivan knows, etc. etc., has been the paramount challenge, and there is no way to find out other than to go for it. Fedyor is 75% sure that they’ve been going steady for two months, but if it’s actually the other 25%, this is going to get awkward in a hurry. Is this essentially a fake relationship, or is it only fake because they’re both idiots?

After having duly commended his soul to God, Fedyor invites Ivan over on Saturday night. He rents a tiny flat by himself since he’s been burned on rooming with strangers, but Ivan is used to it by now, and it doesn’t feel too small with the two of them. Fedyor strains his limited culinary skills to cook supper, probably making his babushka cluck her tongue and sigh in a judgmental fashion back in Nizhny Novgorod, and they sit down and eat in silence for five minutes. Then Fedyor says, “Vanya?”

The consistent use of the diminutive has started sometime in the last few weeks, neither of them remember quite when. Ivan doesn’t correct him. “Yes?”

Fedyor clears his throat. “Do you…” He winces. “Do you… like me?”

“Yes?” Ivan says again, looking confused. “I would not have spent so much time with you if I did not, don’t you think? We are friends.”

“Yes, I know that we’re friends, but…” Fedyor looks at the ceiling. It doesn’t help, so he looks back at Ivan. “Are we… special friends?”

Ivan continues to look blank. “Are we?”

Fedyor resists the urge to tug at his collar, thinking that it’s a damn good thing that he didn’t go with his other idea of just leaning across the table and passionately kissing him. With absolutely no change of tone or expression, Ivan says, “Please explain. Special friends how?”

“Friends who want to…” Fedyor takes a deep breath. “Be… more than friends?”

“How?” Ivan orders again, ruthlessly. “Be clear, Fedya.”

“Are we maybe… boyfriends?” Fedyor’s voice squeaks on the word. “As in… we have feelings for each other that aren’t just… friendly? Like… feelings which are… romantic?”

Ivan continues to stare at him like a statue for several more seconds, and Fedyor contemplates the feasibility of tunneling directly through the floor of his apartment and running all the way to Latvia. Then at last, Ivan throws his head back and – startling Fedyor deeply – breaks into real, genuine, belly laughter, the kind that he has never heard from Ivan before. “Oh my,” he chortles, slapping the table. “Your face. You were sweating bullets.”

“WAIT, WHAT!?!” Fedyor pushes his chair back and stands up with a clatter, incandescently outraged. “Are you – were you messing with me?!!”

“Maybe a little,” Ivan says, wiping his eyes. “You know, all this time, I have not been sure if you are shy or a terrible prude. Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

“God’s Mother in Heaven – ” Fedyor feels another prick of disloyalty to his babushka for swearing on the Bogomater, but some people deserve it. All inhibitions forgotten, he charges at Ivan like a runaway train, as Ivan springs out of his own chair in readiness, and starts pounding on his chest in transports of fury. “You are the worst! You are the worst person ever! For two months, what have we been doing?! I have been afraid this whole time that maybe you don’t know what’s really going on, and now – ?! You are the worst!”

Ivan catches Fedyor’s flailing arms, holds them away from him, and picks him up bodily, swinging him around and pushing him against the wall. “Maybe I am just a dumb country boy from Siberia,” he remarks, “but even I am not that stupid, Fedyor Mikhailovich.”

“I hate you,” Fedyor pants, their faces and their mouths an inch away from each other. “Get out of my apartment.”

“Mmm?” Ivan cocks an eyebrow. Then he plants both hands on either side of Fedyor’s head, leans in, and deeply, savagely captures Fedyor’s mouth with his own.

Every remaining vestige of barely rational thought in Fedyor’s head evaporates in screaming shock. He still wants to shove Ivan away, knee him in the balls, or break a chair over his head, but if he did that, he would have to stop kissing him, and he can’t do that either. He moans, Ivan’s tongue takes the opportunity to slip into his mouth, their hands clutch and claw and their legs melt out from under them, they turn away or break contact only to gulp a breath before diving back in again, and the next time Fedyor is aware of anything, they have collapsed on his kitchen floor in a wrung-out, entangled, gasping heap. Ivan says in his ear, “Do you still want me to leave, Fedya?”

“No,” Fedyor manages. “Because now, I am really going to make you suffer.”

Ivan’s smile is dark and full of promise. He pulls back, gets to his feet, and holds out a hand. “Then I’ll meet you in the bedroom.”

(Ivan doesn’t leave Fedyor’s apartment that night. He doesn’t leave it the next night either. At the end of the week, Fedyor calls up Nadia and informs her that he hates her so much, and when they do next see each other, he’ll shake her by both shoulders and then thank her for introducing him to the no-good, truly awful, very bad love of his life.)

[madammobius]

Chao Update: #3!

Heyo! Madam Mobius here again, and welcome back to the Mobius Garden! I’ve been really busy, and tonight I’ve got some special stuff for you, but first I just wanted to have a bit of transparency and go over a few things.

Since last time, I’ve started using Chao World Extended, a mod meant to enhance and improve the overall Chao World experience! However I’ve always been a *bit* of a purist when it comes to modding games, so I went through the customization options and only checked things that met one or more of these requirements

1: Aesthetic only: Things that only effect looks like the day/night cycle option

2: Was in the Dreamcast/GC port, but was somehow made unobtainable on PC. A good example of this is the jewel chao. The dreamcast had a little gadget called the VMU packaged in, and if you had enough of the in-game emblems you could unlock jewel chao, a special chao variant, with it. However, since the gamecube and PC have no VMU they have become completely unobtainable. Chao World Extended adds a different way to earn them through the Jewel Races! I thought this was fair because it’s still a challenge, and there would be no other way to do it anyway.

Here are some screenshots of the only options I have checked for the mod (as well as my SA2 application as a whole): 

I’ve talked to some of the chao island admins and one has confirmed that beyond one thing (which we’ll get to when the time comes) there are no other vanilla changes, just additions

Okay cool, that’s probably the most infodumpy I’m ever gonna get here lol, like I said just trying to be transparent

Now who’s ready to see some cute chao? 

They’re conversing :00 

Full video with sound here! (You can hear them talk !!)

He loves when I shake him hehe :)) 

Onto some of the more substantial changes though! I’m still trying to decide what type to evolve these little babies into, so throughout this post you may notice that I change course a little bit in the types of animals I give and which stats are highest. Rest assured though! By the end of this post I will definitively have the answer for my evolution plans!

Took a look at UwU’s stats, and it looks like her personality has cycled from the last time I checked! It was cry-baby before but now it’s energetic

Veeeeerrryyy interesting combination !

You absolute troll  ( ⚆ ◡ ⚆ )

Work hard

...nap harder

Time to learn some wonderful singing! I wanted to focus on UwU for a bit so I left OwO in class

I’ve decided that UwU is going to be a power-type! Her highest stat grade is an A in Power so I decided I want to raise it to an S when she evolves

Soon she will be strong enough to demolish the competition in karate (｀\/´)

More stat grinding...

OwO has returned! He is now a wonderful singer :)) 

Accidentally gave UwU a vulture but the new wings and hair kinda look cool with the arms lol

Laaaaaaaaa!!!

I threw a bear at him lol (￣\/￣ )

Checked the black market and they had a very interesting item for sale! It seems my emblem collecting has paid off and there is a shiny blue egg for sale

( I actually saw a rarer orange one much earlier but didn’t get it so  (ゝз･) )

I mean I really SHOULDN’T buy this one... I have enough emblems for much rarer eggs to appear... plus I’m already swamped raising the other two chao and... hmmm

I bought it.

They have all gathered around for the hatching!

Well..... at least she was there at first...

Guess she was curious and decided she doesn’t care  ¯\_༼ ಥ ‿ ಥ ༽_/¯

She’s aliiiiiiiive!!!! 

Welcome to the world, small child

DRAMATIC POSE

𝘼𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙑𝘼𝙏𝙀

...this is literally the most adorable creature on the planet I would die for you （；へ：）

Stat check!

Not terrible! I don’t think I’ll evolve her based on stats though, she’s way too adorable NOT to be evolved for looks

Checks out

Taking her to the fortune teller to get her named next... 

hmmm... blue... shiny..... water name? uhhhh hydro? no no.... ocean? nah nah...

wait.

Heheheheheh....

Heheheheheheh...

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH...!

Everyone say hi to Soleanna! (Second N was removed in-game because of character limit, but her name is Soleanna)

For those unaware, Soleanna was the name of the City of Water in Sonic 06! I thought it was fitting because it’s water themed but also silly and a sonic reference lol

You know truth be told... UwU and OwO’s names were just kinda pulled out of a jokey joke hat because I needed to call them SOMETHING. I was gonna wait a little longer, but now that we have a naming theme...

Elise and Mephiles it is!  (again, Mephiles had to be cut short because of character limit but...)

I thought it made sense because they’re both hero and dark chao, plus it fits with the Sonic 06 reference theme

Mephiles would be proud to have an evil chao named after him :)) 

I guess Elise has taken a liking to Soleanna’s eggshell.... I can’t tell if that’s endearing or SUPER weird...

bird :)) 

looks like Mephiles is going to the races!

LITERALLY ANNIHILATED THOSE OTHER CHAO

ONCE AGAIN

He won a shovel!

Elise is gonna do some Karate! Use the strength of all those bears I gave you!

OHHHHHH!!

TWO HIT K-O!! 

She preceded to absolutely annihilate the entire tournament!

Owned

whatcha got there, Soleanna?

SHE’S RIDIN’ THE DUCK!! (ⅈ▱ⅈ)

Awwww, Elise and Mephiles are singing and playing music for her while she rides!! They’re all so cute !! 

So uh.... I kinda did some stat grinding with a dark character on Elise and well...

...she looks a bit like moldy cheese now

I’ll get her fixed up with Tails, don’t worry  ε-(´ D｀) ﾌ

no thoughts, head empty

wait a minute... i hadnt even noticed! Elise’s evolution stat traits are starting to come in! that means she’s getting closer to evolving into a power chao! (power chao have these sort of stripey patterns on them)

We did some more karate to celebrate

It went about how you would expect after her last performance  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

In other news though, I’ve decided Mephiles’ final type! I’m gonna go with run! Mephiles’ namesake is a Shadow impersonator, and since a Dark-Run chao looks like Shadow I thought it would be funny :)) 

So I went to City Escape to collect some rabbits! And uh...

They are looking....

...and I do not know if it is respectfully ●﹏●

Mephiles understands that even dark lords of evil can have cute pink bunny rabbit ears

I’m sure you’ve noticed, but Mephiles’ evolution stat traits are coming in too! He’s growing spines and getting a little bluer!

You’re so adorable I’m gonna lose it...

Alrighty! Before we go, here’s a final stat-check for the road!

----------

That’s all for now folks! Thank you for reading it all if you made it here :))

Remember to check out https://chao-island.com/ if you want to learn more about chao and the raising experience! It’s a great resource

My chao posts will always be tagged with #MobiusGarden in case you wish to block them

Love u!