#yes i called donkey a pet

[sauronnaise]

Nobody told me Beren and Lúthien was based on Shrek.

[jiaoji]

I want more fics where Lan Sizhui becomes little again but instead of just comedic i want to see WWX having A'Yuan again and he so touched

Again having the feeling of this little one on his leg, chewing his flaute, laughing with him and calling Wen Ning Ning-gege and WWX is being called Xian-gege again. He can see LWJ playing and talking very seriously about bunnys with little A'Yuan and buying him new toys.

The curse will pass, but while he doesn't, A'Yuan keep wanting to sleep with them or on other room in the jingshi and WX have to be silence for the first time in years (everyone likes it and even some juniors start to be like "Oh you two are amazing parents, why didn't get another baby?"

WWX knows what they are doing so he says A'Yuan is already not a only child bcs they have all them (the juniors didn't like the answear

So A'Yuan and WWX in the market, he gets lost again just to be easily find by LWJ so they go to eat and again, WWX is hit by the same feeling he had back them when A'Yuan was with them eating, but now they didn't have to worry abt money or a siege.

OMG and WWX making A'Yuan ride Little Apple with him 😭. A'Yuan get so excited and he pets Little Apple who doesn't mind at all and WWX say he feels betrayed by his own donkey and LWJ holding Little Apple's reband and the nostalgic that hit WWX again, he just so happy.

When Sizhui comes back to normal WWX is relieved, he was glad to had time with his little one again but still misses his teenage shy child, that yes, remember all what happened and was very emotional

[game-boy-pocket]

Well I finally finished watching Donkey Kong The Animated Series

I have almost no nostalgia for it, I caught a few episodes really early in the morning but I could never follow it's time slot, or any other video game related cartoon for that matter until Pokemon came along. So I saw almost none of it.

I had a good time with it. Yes the CG is dated as hell, and there was obvious butdget cuts ( There were literally two different episodes where Dixie Kong had a pet crustacean that is plot relevant but we never get to see ) I think they massacred Diddy Kong until the latter half of the series where he wasn't such a coward and was ready to throw down with Kremlings, Dixie was almost a non-element, and there was one of two episodes I would call bad.

But I think it's got enough funny jokes and great voice acting and even some genuinely good music that it was more of a positive experience for me.

I also like the premise a bit more than what we get in the games, K. Rool seeking a mythical artifact, rather than just fucking with the Kongs because he hates them, Cranky being some semi-mystic, and DK destined to be the future ruler o fhe island, I think it's all very solid.

This show also made me a lot more fond of Klump and Krusha. I need to see them in more games. And I think I prefer this take on Candy Kong over pretty much any portrayal she's had in the games, despite a few bad moments.

Glad I finally watched it in it's entirety. Consider this another charge to the spell to summon a new Donkey Kong game for 2024.

[kedreeva]

I just have to say, the mental image of a kid at an animal expo who has probably been reminded fifty times not to touch the animals being asked DO YOU WANT TO TOUCH AN ANIMAL is terrific and you are good

ACTUALLY

A lot of the vendors at reptile expos, at least from what I've seen, will happily allow kids and adults to touch and hold their animals. Many even bring an ambassador animal or two, the sort that doesn't react with stress to being out and handled. Almost every table I've ever seen has hand sanitizer (and has since way before covid) so that people can clean their hands before and after touching the animals because they all know touch is important.

Because the thing is? Most of these people are lifelong enthusiasts that understand how young some people are/were when they learned aversion to the so-called "creepy" animals like reptiles, amphibians, insects, arachnids, rodents, etc. The ones that are not traditionally cute. They also understand that if they can safely and calmly introduce these animals to children (who are often brought to expos specifically in order to avoid fears of these animals through calm, safe exposure), that they may fall in love instead, and join the hobby.

Also not for nothing, but they're also aware that humans have a "this is mine" button linked directly to touching something such that when we want something and then we hold it, that button gets donkey kicked so hard and it's much easier to convince us to buy a thing.

Of course, the buyers know it too (how many times I heard "no if I hold it I will want to take it home" and had to reply "yes, I know, that's why I want you to hold it"), but also they come prepared to Hold Animals.

All that being said, I am a bit more obnoxiously loud about instigating it, because unlike the reptiles that tolerate handling, I know my mice like being held and petted because they'll come running and climb into hands with just a soft tch tch tch to call them, or they're even already waiting at the side of the bin and actively following hands around to be next. And I know people are delighted to hold them because they can't stop smiling while doing it.

[twisting-echo]

Okay, everyone, time for some Luisabi ship dynamics and headcanons!!

For @frie-ice

I love their slight height difference because Wasabi is 6'4" and Luisa is 6'5", meaning that she is an inch taller than him, and I am here for it! Wasabi needs a girl taller than he is!

Luisa's birthday is November 14th, making her a Scorpio, which makes absolute sense! Scorpios are a water sign and are emotional and sensitive. They may be caring, but they are also easily hurt and depressed. This sensitivity can affect their emotional and physical lives. They don't open up easily or let their guard down because they are scared of being hurt. But exclusively, it makes sure they stay strong and makes them great judges of character. They are Resourceful, powerful, brave, passionate, and true friends.

Now I have a theory about the date of Wasabi's birthday, and it involves an episode of BH6: The Series. There was an episode of BH6: The Series called "Steamer's Revenge," and it was about Hiro and the others planning the ultimate birthday surprise for Wasabi to recover his car from the bottom of the bay, but their villain, Baron Von Steamer, was back with a vengeance. The episode's air date was September 22, 2018.

So yes, because it was Wasabi's birthday in that episode, I like to believe that September 22 is also the date of his birthday. Now get this, if Wasabi's birthday is September 22nd, that would make him a Virgo, which absolutely fits his character. Virgos are an earth sign known for their intelligence, analytical skills, perfectionism, hard work, reliability, and problem-solving abilities. They are also known for being critical and pointing out mistakes. Because of their natural elegance and poise, they emit serenity and calm. They are funny and sharp, and they often have a very dry wit. They notice the small stuff and pay attention to the details; they remember everything you ever said to them.

Virgo and Scorpio are compatible signs. They have many common personality traits and can complement each other. They are both goal-oriented, practical, mysterious, and empathetic. They can also have a strong karmic connection and passionate intimacy. There are very strong ties between this couple, and intense mutual loyalty creates their strongest bond. These two can be extremely comfortable in each other’s company, shutting out the rest of the world and enjoying each other for hours (or days) on end—just the two of them. They’re both in it for the long haul, so this can be a long-term match for sure.

Virgo is ruled by quick-moving Mercury, making them good, logical communicators. Scorpio is co-ruled by powerful Mars and transformational Pluto, so verbal (and nonverbal) interactions between them can be extremely intense. Virgo is slow to make decisions, contemplating each little detail before making up their mind, and cautious, suspicious Scorpio is on board with this strategy as well. As a couple, they tend to take their time when making important long-term decisions, which strengthens their relationship in the long run.

Since Wasabi is allergic to every known breed of dog, Luisa insisted that they get a pet baby donkey instead.

Wasabi's surname is No-Ginger in my headcanon; he was born to a Korean American woman with the surname No, also spelled as Noh. No is a Korean surname that means "field" or "wilderness." His father is an African American man of English ancestry with the surname Ginger. So, his parents hyphenated.

Wasabi is fluent in Spanish, so he'll have no problem conversing with his Latina girlfriend whenever she decides to dip into Spanglish.

They are both very, not so secretly protective of each other.

Since both Luisa and Wasabi can easily succumb to stress and pressure, they do couples yoga together. Luisa was really nervous that she'd mess up practicing a lot of the poses with Wasabi when he was teaching her. But luckily, she has such a supportive boyfriend, and he made learning yoga fun and relaxing for her.

Couples' yoga is the practice of yoga poses that involve two people supporting each other physically and emotionally. It can improve flexibility, balance, strength, communication, trust, and intimacy in a relationship. Couples' yoga can range from simple breathing exercises and stretches to challenging acrobatic poses and inversions that require coordination and teamwork and can be practiced in any setting that is comfortable and safe for both partners, such as a yoga studio, a park, a beach, or a home.

Wasabi always makes sure that Luisa doesn't overexert herself to the point where her stress causes her eye to twitch. Stress can cause certain hormones to be released, which can affect the nerves and muscles of the eyelid. So, he helps her with some self-care exercises and makes her tea. And he always makes sure that she doesn't degrade herself by calling herself names like loser, so he builds her up by complimenting her all the time.

Despite all of Wasabi's self-care exercises, the man does not practice what he preaches. All of his poise goes out the window when he's having an OCD episode. An OCD episode is a period when your OCD symptoms are more severe. OCD symptoms include obsessions, unwanted thoughts, images, or urges, and compulsions—repetitive behaviors or mental acts that cause anxiety or distress. OCD episodes can be triggered by anything that causes anxiety or stress.

Luisa helps Wasabi whenever an episode happens by learning the signs, not enabling them, and using positive communication. Luisa listens with empathy, compassion, and avoids criticizing or judging him. She knows that it may take time for Wasabi to overcome his fears and resist his compulsions. But she doesn’t pressure him to stop or change his behavior, as this may make him feel more anxious or guilty.

Wasabi introduced Luisa to 4 2 Sing, and she is now just as big a fan as he is.

They love to go dancing together.

Luisa has the working yarn wrapped around her hands as she helps Wasabi maintain the right tension and speed while he knits. (It is called assisted knitting or team knitting.)

(Literal mental image.)

Welp, that's all I've got for now. I'll most definitely make another headcanon list for them in the future.

You don't have to like my headcanons, but please be respectful.  

🚫 IF YOU DO NOT LIKE THIS SHIP, PLEASE DON’T COMMENT 🚫

🚫 PLEASE DO NOT STEAL OR REPOST MY EDITS 🚫

[confettifalling]

Hi! For the ask game: 1, 2, 3, 8, and 13. :)

hi! tysm for asking (and for coming up with this game, it’s so fun)! :)

1) How did you become a Big Time Rush fan?

i saw an episode one day on nickelodeon. i remember seeing the title on the guide and going, huh, interesting name. is this an action series? (and the answer was, of course, no��.but also yes, because they’re always getting kidnapped and knocked out and running from crocodiles and being roped into british spy missions. and then just shrugging like, huh. whelp. that was something. anyway. back to learning harmonies. #justboybandthings.) i pretty much watched one episode and was hooked. i also remember my mom coming in and going, this is really cute, like a present-day version of the monkees tv series your grandfather loved. and then later, i realized that was absolutely intentional and scott fellows was directly inspired by the monkees, and i watched a few of those episodes too, which was fun. 

2) Who’s your favorite member (and why)?

even when i was a kid, kendall and logan were my favorites. i didn’t really see many interviews of them back then, so i was just basing it off the tv show, tbh. now that i’m older, those two are still my favorites. they have gorgeous voices (and dimples!)  and i love how kind they are, like logan being so happy to be an uncle and talking about how he wants to pick out 3 good albums to gift kendall’s daughter so she can grow up with those songs, and how kendall is always posting some kind of photo or video with an animal, whether it’s calling over stray cats, stopping to say hello to a dog, gently petting a chicken, holding lemurs, kissing a donkey, or cuddling a pig. i was so excited to see the videos of kendall and logan together at the iheart radio awards last month, and was laughing at them blowing kisses to the camera and logan announcing that he was kendall’s baby first before maple.

3) What are your top three favorite Big Time Rush songs?

my number 1 slot always goes to no idea, particularly their live madison square garden version. their vocals are truly so beautiful and have only gotten better over the years. when i heard the finale, my jaw just sort of dropped, it was like when i was a kid and heard an iconic disney song like a whole new world for the first time again. it’s such a great feeling and not many songs and voices can sort of stop you in your tracks like that. my 2 and 3 spots are always in flux, so i’ll just say i’ve been listening to dale pa’ya and not giving you up a lot lately. (and also the acoustic version of i know you know.)

8) Who’s your favorite character from the show?

that’s hard, but i’m going to go with lucy. she’s really fun and i’m a fan of other shows the actress has been in as well. plus, according to tv canon, she’s what got us paralyzed (which i love and i’m so happy the boys finally officially released.)

13) What’s your favorite picture of Big Time Rush?

i like the ones where they’re goofing off, like this one:

i need to know what this deleted scene was, considering they’re in their not giving you up outfits. big time relationship services ended up being a pyramid scheme? money laundering via office supplies and teddy bears? they made criminally catchy bops?

[naivesilver]

Since it persists on being too hot to focus on my more useful OUAT fics, have a disgustingly self-indulgent Pinocchio Swap AU turned "Please Let Piccolino Have A Loving Family" AU moment 🙃🥰

"Grandfather," Pinocchio asks, standing on his tiptoes to peer over the worktable, "why are there so many clocks here?"

He half expects Mr. Marco to scold him for asking such a silly question, but instead the man just chuckles fondly and pats Pinocchio over the head, earning himself a giddy grin. "Ah, that's just because I like fixing them, lad. They need a more delicate touch than doors and plumbing, you see."

"But only one of them is working. Why's that?"

"That is because I don't have the time to spare for them all." Mr. Marco gestures vaguely towards the single working clock, hanging from the wall on the back of the workshop. "That one, though- August helped me sort it out, when he'd just arrived here. Do you want to see it?"

"Yes!" Pinocchio immediately interrupts his curious poking around the table, all but bouncing with enthusiasm. He likes learning about things August is involved with. August's always doing some really cool stuff, it seems.

As such, he lets the old man pick him up and lift him high enough that Pinocchio can see the clock from up close, and doesn't protest when the boy leans even closer, marvelling at the nice carvings in the wood - Pinocchio doesn't wiggle out so much to risk falling, which would for sure earn him a scolding, but still, it's the principle of the thing. He wouldn't feel so certain that he's safe being held like this, with some other people.

He thinks he knows a little of how things work in Storybrooke, now. Not everything, of course, but at least what he needs to get by on a normal day - he knows he can close the window blinds at night if he's worried someone will enter as he sleeps, and that he doesn't need anyone's permission to do so; he knows he can go crawl on August's lap if he's lonely and the man is writing or talking to someone, so long as he doesn't get too much in the way; he knows that if he wants to go pet Dr. Hopper's dog there are multiple adults who'll hold onto Gina for him, because dogs are so much bigger than her and she gets frightened easily around them.

He still doesn't know whether Mr. Marco is okay with Pinocchio calling him Grandfather or not, but that kind of thing is so confusing here, he's not sure he's ever going to puzzle it out. Back home he was supposed to address all older people like that, but Storybrooke? Beats him. Maybe it's too formal for them, who knows.

The clock ticks by another minute. Pinocchio squints at it, following the moving hands with his finger for a moment - the numbers are written a little different from what he remembers, but it's not too long before he can safely declare: "It says it's six minutes past two. That's it, right?"

"Very good," Mr. Marco praises him, and it doesn't feel like a mockery, even if he does sound genuinely surprised. "You know how to tell the time already, then? What a clever boy."

"Yeah." Pinocchio's chest swells with pride, and he points eagerly at one of the other clocks, the still broken ones. "That one's saying it's half past six, but that's because it's stuck. And that one thinks it's midday. Or midnight, I don't know."

"Yes, that's right. Good job. Say, who taught you so well?"

"An old man in a town. He said that because I had a nice watch, I should know how to read the time."

He doesn't like thinking about that too much, honestly. The old man, yes - he'd met a lot of nice elderly people in his travels, more than he did nice younger ones, at least - but the memory of the watch itself makes his chest clench painfully, like the time he was underwater without air before the dogfish happened.

He wonders what they did with it, after he lost it when he turned into a donkey. He's not even sure it still worked at that point, because it fell pretty hard, and the Coachman didn't give him time to check on it before leading him away with his rope - Pinocchio hopes it didn't break too badly, even if he can't have it anymore. It was a good pocket watch, nice to look at. He'd never owned anything so nice before that, and even though he's received lots of gifts since he came to Storybrooke, it's not the same thing. People are richer there than they were in his old land. They always seem to have something to spare for him, especially August and Mr. Marco and the gruff lady at the diner.

He must have gone quiet for too long, however, because the man gives him a little shake, if not a very rough one. "You alright, lad?"

Pinocchio nods, even though the picture of the golden watch is still flashing in front of him, as if it were the sun and he'd stared at it for too long. "Grandfather?"

"Yes, Pinocchio?"

"Can I see how to fix them, too, when you have time? Like you and August did?"

He's not really thinking he could manage it, honestly. He's not good enough for that. But anything's better than being stuck remembering the same thing over and over again, with no way to stop it. Physically doing something usually works as a distraction, like when he couldn't solve his math problems and he'd just up and start running.

For a couple seconds he worries he won't be able to explain himself if Mr. Marco asks him about it, but the old man doesn't, and instead simply nods, his mouth curling in a warm smile.

"Of course," he says, sounding a little choked up. "You're a smart boy. I'm sure you'll learn very fast."

"Really?"

"Well, yes. Why don't you go look for August and ask him, too? I bet he'll say the same thing."

Pinocchio nods again, allowing Mr. Marco to carefully put him down and darting away towards August's room as soon as his feet have touched the floor. He's not completely certain he didn't say something wrong yet, especially when he was distracted, but it's fine. He's fine. He would have been told, if someone was mad at him. That's how it works in Storybrooke.

And even if he did make someone mad, he can learn how to fix that. Just like the clocks. Just like the golden watch, stuck in another world that it might be.

[fxllensouls]

✍️ + horses [Amelia!]

Soulie Story time

"They're also called equines, but 'equine' can be zebras and donkeys too."

She's too small to see over the fence, so she has to stand on the rail. The horses- two brown ones and a white one- stand far off in the field. They pay the humans no mind, nibbling up grass and hay as though no one is watching. It makes her heart sink, just a little. She was hoping for something cooler than this. They're just...eating.

"Oh, wow. I didn't know that." Her mother said. Amelia feels proud to have impressed her mom, and a tiny smile appears on her face.

"Did you get that from your book?"

Amelia nods. She hasn't taken her gaze off the horses since she first saw them. She wishes they'd come closer so she could pet them.

From beside her, her brother whines. "This is boring. Moooom, can we go look at the goats now??"

The goats weren't far from where they were. Amelia could see their enclosure clearly from where she stood. Mom didn't answer right away, too busy dealing with the fussy one-year-old in her arms. Still, Carl persisted with his whining, even tugging at his mother's shirt. He was a little older than her, but with Amelia being taller and Carl's bratty behavior, you'd really think he was the younger of the two.

"Can I stay here?" Amelia asks.

"Yes, Carl. We can do the goats now." Her mom sighs, but it gets Carl to finally shut up and he squeals in excitement- running off. Mom looks over at Carl, then Amelia. "Uh...sure. Sure. Just don't go anywhere else, okay? I need to be able to see you."

She leaves, too. Amelia was alone now. Okay, not totally alone. Her family was still there, just a little ways away. Every once in a while her mom would look back at her and give a wave before having to stop Carl from climbing into the enclosure, or eating the pellet food meant for goats, or doing some other stupid thing. Amelia hoped them leaving would change things, but the horses still didn't even look in her direction. Two of them had moved to a shadey area. One was still eating. Amelia frowns. She just can't help it. It's the sort of thing you daydreamed about when you were a kid: something cool and magical happening when no one else was around. She wanted to pet those horses, for them to like her and only her, to have a special kinda bond with them.

They were, after all, her favorite animal ever. They were so strong and pretty and fast, and they could run around and do whatever they wanted. She kind of envied them, in a weird way. To not have any worries and be free like that. No school, no stress, no annoying older brothers.

This was just disappointing.

Amelia hops down from the fence rail and begins to walk back towards her family.

"Carl was right. This is boring."

[faytelumos]

Saw this post from @thisiswhereikeepdcthings and decided I wanted to play.

I'm gonna tag @thelazywitchphotographer because I have like four tag games in my drafts and have yet to actually answer a single one I'm so sorry I see them and I am answering them but I'm literally the worst person.

15 Questions:

Are you named after anyone?

Yes; my name is a from pet name used in a book. :3

When was the last time you cried?

…Uh… oh, two years ago, I was reading this tragic romance book, and I spent about three hours crying at the end.

It's such a good book. @_@

Do you have kids?

Not unless you count my daughter and my best friend, my tiny furry princess puppy.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Not nearly as much as I used to. But I think so?

What's the first thing you notice about people?

I think hair? Unless I like their fashion sense, and then it's their clothes.

What's your eye color?

It changes between blue and green, probably depends on what I'm wearing.

Scary movies or happy endings?

I have a lot of opinions about modern horror, but I do like thrillers. Happy endings are good as long as there's actual substance to the movie overall.

…Uh… if I had to pick… I guess happy ending movies are a safer bet for me.

Any special talents?

Animal noises. I can make a lot of animal noises.

Various dog barks, small dog growl, frog ribbet, cat meow, cat hiss, pigeon coo, peacock call, crow caw, macaw caw, chicken cluck, chicken beckon, I can talk like a parrot, parrot squawk, donkey call, goat bleet, snake hiss, pig grunt, pig squeal…

I'm probably missing some.

I can also do various stupid voices.

Where were you born?

Literally? Mid-west America. Spiritually? Southern Canada. Metaphorically? The desert.

What are your hobbies?

Writing and panic attacks.

Do you have any pets?

My most precious baby girl, and a pretty little fish, and a chubby little mouse, and a fuzzy little marimo moss ball, and a bald little poinsettia.

What sports do you play/have you played?

I had a gym class that was just every team sport we could play in a school gym, but I liked floor hockey the most.

How tall are you?

I don't wanna talk about it How tall are you?!

Favorite subject in school?

Science, science, science, until I finally had access to a creative writing class.

Dream job?

Paleontology? But it doesn't pay the bills.

Second pick is probably an aerospace engineer. Space? Heck yeah. But I refuse to go to college.

[bluntz420x]

Are you hungry? i could eat.

What color is the chair you’re sitting on? grey and black, mostly grey.

What did you buy last time you went to the store? hmm, i think kyle called it a snack run but we actually got a lot of groceries too!

Do you like salsa that has fruit in it? ive had mango salsa before, its good! isnt tomato technically a fruit tho? XP

Have you ever opened up your computer to clean the fan on the inside? many times.

Can you count in binary? nope.

Do you think stained glass windows are pretty? very!

Are you a chocoholic? i fucking love chocolate. i require it. a few days without it and i feel weird.

Are you scared of snakes? i think im more afraid of being bitten than the snake itself. if someone told me the snake didnt bite, id hold it and not be afraid.

Have you had your wisdom teeth removed? yes, 4.

Do you like hard or soft pretzels better? soft! yum.

What was the last magazine or catalog you looked through? beats me lol, its 2024, i read shit online.

When was the last time you wore a raincoat? i dont know. i dont own one. maybe i should lol.

Have you ever been carded when buying something? yes.

Do you eat meat? yes.

Corn and mashed potatoes, or beans and rice? corn and mash.

Can you sleep with the light on? i can fall asleep if im tired enough period, but at night all night, no lights.

What’s your operating system of choice? windows.

Have you ever broken a bone? nope. fingers crossed lol.

Do you have a favorite highlighter color? pink.

Do you have a flashlight? my cell phone lol. i think i have an actual flashlight in the house in case of emergencies tho.

Do you like watermelon? its aight.

…Honeydew? also aight.

Can you shoot a gun? idk, ive never tried before.

Do you like salad? sure.

When was the last time you smashed your finger? pft lol probably not that long ago.

What color is your computer? black. the work laptop im using rn is silver tho.

Have you ever made ice cream in chemistry class? nope, not that i can recall. chemistry was junior year in high school, which was almost 20 years ago lol.

Has anyone ever walked in on you while you were on the toilet? yep.

What color hair do you have? brown with some natty white.

Do you use the microwave often? often enough. it gets used probably at least once a day by someone in the house.

Are you good at spelling? i try to be, but i am human.

Have you ever petted a donkey? probably.

When was the last time you went to the doctor’s for a physical? pft lol, i have no idea.

Do you like a lot of ice in your drinks? um, i wouldnt say a lot… but i do like ice.

Have you ever painted a room? yes.

Are you strong enough for this survey? sure lol.

Whose bed were you on last? my own.

When was the last time you laughed so hard you couldn’t breathe? a day or two ago im sure. i laugh daily. :)

Have you ever taken a picture of yourself kissing someone? of course.

Are you someone who’s an asshole because you’re so honest? honesty doesnt make someone an asshole, being an asshole makes someone an asshole.

Have you ever cleaned up someone else’s vomit? yes.

Do you drink more apple or orange juice? apple.

When was the last time you cried? Why? im not sure. i think i was angry probably?

Who’s the last person you talked to in person? technically some coworkers in passing, im at the office.

Are you in a good mood? im okay. i could be way better.

Could you forgive your best friend for sleeping with your gf/bf? no way.

Would you ever donate blood? i would if i could.

Would you rather drink coffee or tea? coffee.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot? right now.

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night? nope.

Do you think someone is thinking about you? maybe.

Do you think it’s disgusting for a girl to drink alcohol and get drunk? no LOL.

What’s on your mind? thinking about going home and getting away from people.

What are you doing tomorrow? idk, its wednesday so nothing special. my landlord is supposed to come by and fix our garage but we'll see lol.

What are you doing tonight? taking the kid to his winter workouts then hanging out with the hubs.

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? no.

Has someone ever told you they want to spend the rest of their life with you? yes.

Do you get distracted easily? kinda, mostly.

Is there someone you wish you were still close with? i guess, but not actually. like the moments that made me not talk to people i no longer talk to, they are valid reasons to not talk to that person anymore, but the memories before those moments, i miss those.

Do you always care what you look like? no.

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? idk man lol. "worth it" is a weird term.

Do you regret anything you’ve done this year? nope.

Do you get easily embarrassed? no.

Do you know what it’s like to be truly happy? yes.

Have you ever cried your heart out? yes.

Do you believe in love? yeah.

Do you go tanning? nope.

Do you hate the last person you kissed? no.

Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? no way lol been there done that, boring as fuck and theres no chemistry for me.

Is there someone you really like to hang out with and just talk about stuff? yes.

Did you climb trees when you were younger? i loved to climb trees.

Have you ever started a sentence with “no offense, but”? yeah lol, when i was younger. they are one of my least favorite statements now.

You’re single, why? i am married.

It’s 2 in the morning and you get a call, who is it? idk, my phone is on silent lol, probably spam.

Will you be in a relationship in the next couple months? yes, i will still be married.

Do you always answer your phone? no.

Do you think you’ll have the same best friends a year from now? idk lol.

Do you think life has been good so far? sure.

How many people have you had STRONG feelings for this year? just kyle.

If you could would you take back your last kiss? nope.

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? nope.

Last time you were really happy? right now.

Is there a specific moment you can replay in your mind perfectly? so many.

Is the last person you kissed, going to be the next person you kiss. yes.

Have you ever regretted letting someone go? no, i dont regret. i lament then it passes and im grateful.

How long was your longest make out? LOL idk.

Do you want to dance? not rn but i do like dancing.

Do you like someone? yes.

Why aren’t you with the last person you kissed? he is my husband.

Is life unfair? duh.

How has the week been? its still early, its been fine.

Are you mad at anyone right now? haha not really.

Are you happy? sure.

When was the last time you talked to the last person you kissed? before being dropped off at work.

Can you honestly say that things are running smoothly for you? i guess.

Who made you laugh last? kyle.

Ever liked someone who treated you like crap? yeah.

Next time you will kiss someone on the lips? three hours.

If the person who hurt you most said they’re sorry would you believe them? no. they have said theyre sorry. they all say theyre sorry. theyve all been sorry. sorry theyre assholes and something happened to them that hurt, finally.

When was the last time you hugged someone? earlier today.

Do you think love lasts forever? sure.

If the last person you kissed, was kissing someone else, what would you do? beat both of them up.

What’s something that made you smile today? kyle.

Has a boy/girl put their arm around you the past five days? yes.

Which is harder, walking away from somebody you love or coming back to somebody who has hurt you? walking away.

Have you kissed someone in the past 3 days? yes.

Do you think its cute when someone kisses your forehead? love it.

Where are you? my desk, at work.

Have you ever told anyone you were okay when you really weren’t? sure.

Was your last kiss drunk or sober? sober.

I bet you’re going to kiss someone tomorrow, right? duh.

[osameowdazai]

 - Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards - - I'd really love to stay, but - - Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh! {Growls} {Roaring} {Gasps} -Hi, Princess! -It talks! -Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. {Screams} {Screaming} -Oh! {Thuds} {Groans} {Roars} {Roaring} -Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. {Fchoing} -Run! {Gasping} {Screaming} {Roaring} {Screams} {Roars} {Panting, sighs} {Whimpers} {Roars} -You did it! -You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful. You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt. {Clears throat} -And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? -I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed. -The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight. -Uh, no. -Why not? -I have helmet hair. -Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer. -No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st. -But how will you kiss me? -What? That wasn't in the job description. -Maybe it's a perk. -No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss. -Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you true love? -Well, yes. {Laughing} -You think Shrek is your true love! -What is so funny? -Let's just say I'm not your tipe, okay? -Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your helmet. -Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. -Just take off the helmet. -I'm not going to. -Take ot off. -No! -Now! -Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness. -You- - You're a- - an orge. -Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. -Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an orge. {Sighs} -Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the one who wants to marry you. -Then why didn't he come rescue me? -Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. -But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some prge and his- - his pet. -So much for noble steed. -You're not making my job any easier. -I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. -Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy. -You wouldn't dare. Put me down! -Ya comin', Donkey? -I'm right behind ya. -Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! -Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right, but you don't really like her that way.

This is some nice foreshadowing

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

The Adventures of Big Dog the Clown, 24th Jan 22

LET’S GET YOU IN THE MOOD, KIDS, IT’S A WILD ONE!!! Background music for your enjoyment. If you’re on mobile, here’s a Spotify option. Want to really set the scene? Grab some snacks! Snacks such as, for example, popcorn, like this popcorn given out to passers-by by Butterkist today in front of Downing Street.

OKAY so. Last update we had just learned that Will Wragg MP was accusing the Tory party of blackmail! News that came just as I was writing the damn update even. So, let’s pick up from there!

Well, naturally, as the rats are running from the sinking ship, Boris Johnson is cutting an increasingly lonely figure. But hey, you can always count on your true friends to defend you! Up until now, that’s been the job of Nadine Dorres (the galaxy-brained genius behind Operation Red Meat, more on that in a moment) and Jacob Rees-Mogg (a time travelling Victorian dandy too stupid to spot he’s landed 150 years in the future); but now, Tumblrs, in steps your new favourite clown character in this saga: Michael Fabricant.

Now Michael Fabricant is a terrible man who last year described Palestinian activists as “primitives” who are "trying to bring to London what they do in the Middle East", which is frankly the mere tip of the iceberg, if an iceburg were made of frozen liquid shit and melted slugs. He is also, and I swear to god I am not shitting you Tumblrs, I swear this is genuine, he is a real man who has made these real choices - he is a man who appears to very literally be cosplaying Boris Johnson. Look at this:

SAME CLOWN WIG!!!!

He’s also spotted his sycophantic chance to worm his way into the mouldering and collapsing bodily cavity where Big Dog once had a heart, so he stepped up to the plate when he heard this TERRIBLE accusation of blackmail. Oh yes! The hour came and Fabricant was not found wanting! Let’s see his defence!

Oooooooohhh, with friends like these, eh, Boris. Fuck me, that’s a swing and a miss. Kind of reminds me of those women in the Me Too movement who kept going “If that’s what counts as sexual assault then every woman I know has been assaulted” and lordy, Becky, you’re so close to getting it. Right up to the line. But I see you need to be walked all the way to the door.

Meanwhile, remember how a further 5 MPs are considering defecting as well, and following Christian Wakeford’s example? A senior Labour source has referred to it as Operation Domino, possibly a joke, possibly genuinely what the Tories are calling it, given that they are biologically incapable of just allowing events and actions to go without a shitty little James Bond name.

But anyway, that was all Friday! Let’s see what’s happened since! The lions are performing!

Three Days Ago

We started with a story almost trifling compared to all this. You may all recall that back in April 2020, Big Dog kept telling everyone that covid was no big deal, and boasted about shaking hands with covid patients like he was Princess Fucking Diana meeting HIV patients. Well, he promptly caught it, of course, and supposedly landed in Intensive Care, which... is a suspicious story, actually, because he supposedly ALSO carried on working at the same time, and DOUBT.jpeg. But anyway. Apparently a week before he landed in hospital he was heavily symptomatic with a cough, but refused to isolate. Every time anyone asked him to, he would reportedly thump his chest like Donkey Kong and say “STRONG LIKE BULL”, which is obviously a totally normal and ordinary thing to do.

(This chimes with a later story that also came out last week when he had to do his second period of self isolation. Staff set up a cat run so he could get from his flat to his office and could talk to him through the open door, no contact. But he literally would not stay put and kept wandering out and walking up to people, so they had to put two chairs across the office door to keep him in there, like trying to trap a pet one room so it won’t come and piss on your floor. The National Scot ran with the headline “Covid party row: Downing Street staff used 'puppy gate' to control 'big dog' Boris Johnson”. When I tell you I laughed...)

Anyway, actual events on the day. Well, unnamed allies of Theresa May report that she’s having a fucking fantastic time watching all of this unfold at the minute - the end of her tenure was a vote of no confidence, complete with MPs crossing the floor, and Boris circling like a shark. So next time you watch footage from the House of Commons, watch as Tessie tries to hide a smile as boot after boot goes in. Mind, she’s also a monster, so it’s great - a real wasp vs nettle fight. Someone is getting stung, and no one fucking cares which.

Up in Scotland, Fiona Bruce hosts popular politics show Question Time. She asks the audience if anyone wants to defend Boris Johnson. 

I am begging you to watch what happened.

And then to round off the day, the news comes that Downing Street insiders fear that Sue Gray has now discovered “damaging” evidence, and with the speed and inevitability of a geological era changing, acknowledge that actually, the Gray Report... “may not”... clear Boris Johnson...

Let’s go and see an elephant in a fez!

Two Days Ago

We go now to Wales for THE MOST GLORIOUS MOMENT

As part of Operation Red Meat, England are dropping all covid restrictions. In Wales, though, healthcare is a devolved matter, so we are not. On the BBC, Naga Munchetty asks Mark Drakeford, First Minister for Wales, if Welsh people are wondering why we’re not getting the easings as well?

I AM BEGGING YOU TO WATCH WHAT HAPPENED

“We are a govt that doesn't need to grab headlines to distract attention” OH MY FUCKING GOD

We have now reached a point where rival politicians aren’t even trying to be diplomatic about this. Drakeford just straight up scalps Big Dog. Munchetty is horrified by the candour. Drakeford doubles down. It is beautiful.

And it’s not a lie, either. A poll predicts that there will be a near wipe-out for the Tories in Wales at the next General Election, and honestly, fucking good. 

Meanwhile, Christian Wakeford pops back up! He’s the fickle dramatic bitch that crossed the floor and defected to Labour. He clarifies that, when he was threatened, he was specifically told that if he voted against the government on their preferred policy, they would pull all funding for a new school in his constituency. We all pretend to be shocked.

Rory Stewart, one of the Tories who actually ran against Big Dog in the last party leadership race who has since left politics (but probably not in his heart), declares that the whip system functionally makes the UK an elected dictatorship. We all pretend we are astounded by this brand new information.

Anyway, at this point, The Great Narrator decides to ramp up the tension again, because what more could this scandal need than TWO NEW SCANDALS

Chris Bryant MP is the Chair of the Committees on Standards and Privileges. He’s also a guy who spends a lot of his time on moral crusades against Tories - he was the main person pushing for Damian Green to go, which he did actually win in the end. A bunch of Tory MPs went to him on that day.

And they told him that the problem with the blackmail wasn’t just the whips.

Boris Johnson himself threatened to steal their funding from their constituencies if they didn’t vote the way he wanted

And THAT my friends is Misconduct in Public Office and THAT is a LITERAL CRIME.

...which of course means it’s a matter for the Metropolitan Police so lol 

And then Nusrat Ghani MP comes forward and announces that she was fired two years ago by a Tory whip because her “Muslimness” was raised as an “issue” by coworkers, and it was making them feel uncomfortable.

And THEN Tory whip Mark Spenser suddenly tweets this:

MARK WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU MADMAN??? “THAT SOUNDS LIKE ME” AND “I NEVER DID THAT” ARE CONFLICTING STATEMENTS YOU ABSOLUTE BLANCMANGE

AND FUCKING THEN

It turns out that that tweet is not the original tweet, but a cleaned up one because the first one was a dictated copypasta and he LEFT ONE OF THE FUCKING QUOTATION MARKS IN I’M

And he’d have gotten away with it too, but guess who shows up and rides on in to be a pal and defend a poor innocent defenceless Tory?

THAT’S RIGHT IT’S MICHAEL FABRICANT

Who retweets the original tweet, thus ensuring that it can be seen and screenshotted for posterity.

My god. My god. It’s a shitshow. Tories panicking. PR machines flying. An Islamophobia accusation at literally the worst time. Honestly, the saving grace is that Nusrat Ghani is, ultimately, pretty much a nobody. Imagine if Baroness Warsi said she’d experienced Tory Islamophobia? Then they’d be in trouble.

Let’s check out the trapese artists!

Yesterday

Baroness Warsi reveals that she, too, has experienced Tory Islamophobia.

Oh boy.

It’s looking bad, lads. Michael Fabricant, giddy with adrenaline from all this excellent and effective white knighting he’s been doing, decides to try and help again. He tweets a stern defence of Boris, announcing that Ghani has been plotting against him for a while, hence the timing. He declares that she is using Islamophobia as an excuse for her sacking, when the real reason is that she was “nice, but unimaginative and mediocre”. Gleeful in the knowledge of his excellent stalwart support, he turns two of the words into hashtags, to connect with the kids.

The words he choses are #Boris #Islamophobia.

With friends like these.

Anyway, let’s get back on track with the Gray Report!

So, in the absence of any policing or legal enforcement behaviour from the Met, you’ll all recall that we’re pinning our hopes on Sue Gray and her internal enquiry. Sue Gray is a staffer in Number 10, a civil servant - absolutely she might be corrupt and terrible, sure, but actually, she’s not a politician and honestly, Tumblrs, honestly, if someone asked me to investigate my boss, you bet your fucken ass I’d go for the jugular. And she does have a track record of these getting people fired, so. There’s that.

So yesterday, there are some developments.

First, Sue announces that she will be widening the scope of her investigation - she will not just be looking at parties in Number 10, but also any that may have taken place in the Prime Minister’s actual residence in Number 10.

Second, it is revealed that Met Police officers who guard Number 10 have spoken to her, and given “DAMNING EVIDENCE” lmao I mean that’s a guest list, right? They literally sign people in and out. All she has to do is give them a date and time and they can go “Here are the names of every single attendee.” Bonus points if one of them actually witnessed a party.

Third, officials in Number 10 - so again, not politicians, the staff who work there - announce that they have been withholding information about the parties from the enquiry because THEY WERE FRIGHTENED INTO SILENCE

Fourth, Sue Gray announces that the results of the enquiry are going to be delayed because more and more fucking evidence keeps emerging. Here is a clip of Sue trying to write this report. It is also a clip of me trying to update Tumblr on all this.

AND THEN fifth, and I’m sure this is in no way related to points 1-4, but Dominic Raab the Deputy PM announces that Boris Johnson will decide how much of the Sue Gray report will actually be published for the public to see.

...

Meanwhile, Christian Wakeford names the man who threatened to defund his school if he didn’t vote the right way: Gavin Williamson. Ooh! A new spotlight on a new clown! Let’s see what defence Gavin can give!

“I don’t have any recollection of the conversation as described,” he says.

Well then. Sure. As long as you don’t remember it I’m sure it doesn’t affect you and you can’t be held accountable, that’s completely okay then, Gav, isn’t it, you ham sandwich.

A new poll reveals that, of those who voted Tory in the last election, 20% now regret it and would have gone for Corbyn instead.

And to round off yesterday, our friend Rishi Sunak, Chancellor of the Exchequer, announces that we’re getting a tax rise on national insurance tax.

On national television, he refers to it as “the Prime Minister’s tax”.

Back to the main event: the clown show!

Today

One of the David Davises calls for Boris’ tax to be scrapped. Is this another new bit of legislation that’s about to be unceremoniously dropped from the record? Is Big Dog now so unpopular that the Tories can do literally nothing?

But Tumblrs. But Tumblrs.

At 6.15 pm, my husband and I get a call from one of his journalist friends.

“Watch ITV at 6.30,” we’re told. “Don’t miss it.”

So we grabbed the candy floss and settled in to laugh at the noses, and thus we got to watch the breaking news.

Boris Johnson, in June 2020, at the height of the lockdowns, in the conference room of Downing Street where he had stood in silence not three weeks before to honour the key workers who had died while trying to keep this country alive during the pandemic he himself had mismanaged so spectacularly, threw himself a fucking birthday party.

A BIRTHDAY PARTY

A BIRTHDAY PARTY

HE HAD CAKE, APPARENTLY. THEY HAD PARTY FOOD. 30 OF THEM DID, AND THEN THEY WENT UP TO HIS FLAT AND CARRIED ON PARTYING THE NIGHT AWAY, NO WORD ON IF THEY HAD   C L O W N S   THOUGH-

They are barely even denying this shit anymore. Yes, says Downing Street, okay, so a handful of people gathered for ten minutes, but no one went up to the flat

HE HAD A FUCKING BIRTHDAY PARTY

Anyway, let’s round off. The current estimations of the political analysts:

He has a week, if that.

We’ll see!

[lingthusiasm]

Lingthusiasm HQ, interior

Gretchen: hey we should use tumblr blaze to tell people an interesting thing about linguistics!

Lauren: but, um, we don't do ads?

Gretchen: this is different, people are using it to promote like, photos of their pets, it's cute!

Lauren: okay, so what should we tell them?

Gretchen: we could link to a photo of our producer...

Lauren: we're an audio podcast, people are going to be disappointed if they start out expecting to get cat pics all the time

Gretchen: okay true. hm.

Lauren: linguistics facts wouldn't be misleading though

Gretchen: WAIT

Gretchen: I've got it

Lauren: what

Gretchen: the Eeyore thing

Lauren: the Eeyore thing?

Gretchen: okay, so you know how the secondary animals in Winnie the Pooh all have really obvious names? Like, there's a rabbit named Rabbit, an owl named Owl, a piglet named Piglet, two kangaroos called Kanga and Roo. And then there's Eeyore

Lauren: who also has an obvious name

Gretchen: yeah, obvious to you and A. A. Milne, who both have non-rhotic accents! I was a full adult when I learned that Eeyore was just the sound a donkey makes, like it's the British spelling of "hee-haw"

Lauren: and Australian! I have always known this

Gretchen: not for me! I still remember exactly where I was when I found out, I just spent the next five minutes saying "Eeyore" to myself in a British accent

Lauren: so, just so we're clear, your plan is to spend $10 in the hope that a few randomly selected people scrolling through tumblr will pause and say "Eeyore" at the screen with and without the R?

Gretchen: yes, this sounds perfect, yes.

[ilovekazuhaa]

How it would be like being besties with Dolores!!

This was requested to me via dms. Sorry it took me so long to get to this. I’ve had so many requests lately, hope it was worth the wait!!!

At first, when you met Dolores she seemed really closed off and quiet, but as you two got closer she opened up a lot more.

She always rants to you about her day, needing someone to confide in.

Since it’s hard for her to keep secrets, you know all the drama about the Madrigal family.

“Wait, so you’re telling me Pepa is pregnant? And Luisa has a pet donkey now?!”

Every night, she would leave her door open a crack to hear if you got home safe.

Whenever you called her name, even if it was said with a faint breath, Dolores would hear it, and come running.

She knew when you were nervous, hearing your racing heartbeat. She would put her hand on your hand, holding it tightly. Hearing your heart rate slow down, she’d nod and smile at you.

When the noise was just too much for Dolores, she would find you, wherever you were, grab your hand and take you to her room.

Her room was soundproof, but she always wanted you there with her. The only noise she could tolerate was yours.

You two felt comfortable in each other’s silence, it was almost as if you could communicate without words.

You always tried to speak softer and quieter when you were around Dolores. She noticed it and loves you very much for that.

When people get too loud around her, and you see her covering her ears from all the noise, you throw anything in your reach at the source of the noise.

Looking back angrily, people usually responded with “what the hell!” and you just respond with a simple “shut up” as you looked at Dolores for approval.

She smiled back at you as she took her hands off her ears, shaking her head.

When she first met you, she knew you would be best friends. Sure, you seemed really social and fun, but she saw behind that facade, or better put, she heard behind your facade.

She could always differentiate anyone else’s cries from yours. So when you tried to drown in your own sadness alone, you always heard a knock at your front door.

“I’m here, and I brought snacks.”

“I’m only opening the door for the snacks” you said, jokingly, allowing her inside.

You vented to Dolores when the time felt right. Other than that, you never really spoke to her about your feelings.

Dolores was an amazing dancer, so she offered to teach you some of her skills. At first, you were terrible but as she taught you more, you started becoming good at it. Looks like she was a pretty good teacher.

“No your hand goes here and your leg goes here” she said, showing you how to pose. You stood in an awkward, uncomfortable position, sparking a soft giggle from her.

“Hey! What’s so funny?” you said, holding the position she showed you. “It’s like this right?”

“Yes but you’re too tense, loosen up a bit.”

Relaxing, you fixed yourself, looking more normal now. You finally got the hang of it and if you were being honest, it was fun having Dolores teach you to dance.

You also often sang with her. It mostly consisted of soft singing for obvious reasons but it was a special thing the two of two did together.

One of you would just randomly break into song and the other would catch on and join. It was the reason you two got so close in the first place.

When she told you that Mariano was going to marry Isabela, she was a total wreck. She cried for hours and you just sat there with her the whole time, as she laid on your lap and you stroked her hair as you kept her company.

Honestly, you would’ve told Isa to call off the engagement if Dolores hadn’t begged you not to.

“No… Isa loves him too. She has a right to be happy. Please don’t tell her anything.”

Your heart broke. How could you not? She was your best friend and you couldn’t stand seeing her like this.

Always putting other people before herself. That was your Dolores, alright. You just wished someone loved her the way you did.

In efforts to cheer her up, you wanted to do something special with her.

“Fine. I won’t tell him. But let’s have a sleepover and watch movies and eat snacks together, okay?” you said.

“Sure, I’d like that” she responded.

Whenever there was a formal event (ex. Antonio’s gift ceremony) you would make funny faces at her, wiggling your eyebrows and sticking your tongue out. It never failed to make her laugh.

But when Dolores laughed hard, she would hold her stomach and slap her knee. You thought it was the funniest thing ever.

Anytime you’d play a game with Dolores, she’d beat you everytime, no matter what game it was.

“Checkmate” the girl said, trying to hold back a smile.

“What! Again! How are you always beating me at this?!” you responded, shocked.

“Let’s try cards, I can beat you in a game of goldfish for sure.”

With no protest, Dolores nodded and played a game of goldfish with you.

You thought you had secured your victory when you heard her say “Go fish” covering her mouth with the cards so she could hide her smile.

“Are you for real?! Dolores teach me your ways! Please!” you said, dropping down to your knees and putting your hands together, almost as if you were praying as you begged her.

She genuinely laughed at the sight. It was hilarious to her. Honestly without your company she would be pretty lonely.

Times like this made her really happy to have you as her best friend.

You always knew she had something to spill when she shut her mouth tightly, raised her eyebrows, and fidgeted with the cloth on the table.

“Dolores, lay it on me. We can’t have you like this all day” you said, with a knowing look.

She quickly got up, took your hand, and pulled you outside.

“You can’t tell anyone about this” the girl said cautiously as she put her hand on her ear, showing that she was trying to listen for anyone coming.

You laughed. “Dolores, of course I won’t tell anyone. What kind of friend would I be if I did?”

[gaysimpsstuff]

BNHA Characters + Their Biggest Kinks

PT 2 Here

PT 3 Here

Genre: smut, obviously

Warnings: NSFW themes, hard kinks, BDSM kinks, lots and lots and weird kinks

Other: felt horny, wrote this

NSFW Taglist: @smolchildfangirl @combat-wombatus @mandalorian-baby-bird @waffleareniceandfluffy

Characters: Hawks, Bakugou, Dabi, Shigaraki

Keigo Takami/ Hawks-

Authority Kink- mans has spent his entire life being bossed around, he needs you to submit to him completely and without question. Call him ‘sir’ and he’ll melt. When he’s in this mood, there’s no room for brattyness. Just bend over and let sir take his stress out on you.

Wing Kink- Pretty self-explanatory. The underside of a bird’s wings are very sensitive, and get them horny in no time. Same thing with his back, one when you were cuddling, you were playing with his wings and massaging his back, and you noticed he had his face hidden and he was breathing kind of heavily. It was an embarrassing situation to explain...

Breeding- This one comes more into play during Nesting Season, he just has you pinned down and just keeps going and going and going, trying to fill you up with his babies even if you want get pregnant. You’ll always be his little breeding slut. Even better if you have a bird or lizard quirk and you lay eggs (infertile usually). Even with a male reader he’d want to ‘breed.’

Pegging- He likes to bottom sometimes, so that he can whine and cry and beg and be a good boy for his y/n. Expect him to come home from work feeling more tired than stressed. Total pillow princess. He needs you to fuck him into the mattress so hard that he’s only flying tomorrow.

Praise/body Worship- This goes both ways. You’re his everything, and he wants to make sure you’re aware of how much he appreciates you, but he’s so insecurities that he needs it in return. Soft, teasing touches, whispered I love yous, doing so wells, my pretty baby, go a long way for this man.

Dirty Talk- he wants you to know just what he’s going to do to you, how he’s going to fill you up so good, make you need him and his cock, make you cry for him to keep going, beg for his cum. Even when he’s on bottom, he’s babbling and whining. You can’t get this man to shut the fuck up. It can get annoying at times.

Bath/shower sex- this plays more into his bird instincts. Bathing/ cleaning oneself usually gets birds horny. They usually preen prior to mating season so look out for that. There’s just something about ducking you in his bathtub (jacuzzi) that gets him going like nothing else.

Katsuki Bakugou/ Dynamight-

Switch- this man will present as a top, but he has absolutely nothing against getting manhandled and having the life fucked out of him. Just so long as he can do the same to you. Fuck him rough and good and then take his revenge tomorrow.

Rigger- after all he’s been through, he does not wanna be tied up at all. But he has no problem with handcuffing you or wrapping your pretty body up in Shibari and watching you struggle against them. Will totally tease you the whole time.

Gags- You’re still talking? You need to shut the fuck up. Or else you’ve got something keeping your mouth shut. Tape, underwear in mouth, his hand or fingers, or an actual gag. Loves your muffled sounds when he asks you a question. “Want me to keep going? You gotta say so. Aw I didn’t hear anything so I guess you want me to stop...”

Dirty Talk- Just like Hawks, he can’t keep his mouth shut. But this one is spilling the dirtiest filth you’ll ever hear. Plays into a minor corruption kink. Wants you to repeat it all back to him. On the flip side, gets so flustered when you talk dirty to him. Whining about how you’re a pervert, but just ignore him, he’s hard as shit right now.

Dacryphilia- All those years of Deku crying and you think he wouldn’t have a crying kink? Thinks your tears are so beautiful, might even lick them off your face. “Aww, look at you~ crying for my fuckin cock.” Don’t be weirded out if he licks them off your face. He also cries during sex, though. It’s just too fucking good and he hasn’t had a good cry in a while. Tease him about it and he’ll hide his face, but praise him for it and he’ll cry even harder.

Praise- This man shouts enough degradations outside the bedroom, he wants sex to be different from everything else. Gets a little embarrassed first time he praises you, but if you look at him with those shy eyes and a quivering lip, he’s just gonna keep loading it on. He also wants to be praised, both out of insecurities and superiority. When he’s bottoming just repeat how amazing he’s doing, how no one else is as pretty as him. When he’s on top, he still needs you to be praising him. Tell him how good his cock feels, how he’s gonna make you cum, how no one else fucks you as good as him.

Impact Play- mostly spanking. Uses his quirk. He loves it when your skin forms a light burn in the shape of his hand. Spanks you even if his handprints don’t show up on your skin. He needs it to, just keep smacking his stomach and thighs with a paddle until he’s sobbing.

Touya Todoroki/ Dabi-

Degradation/ Brat Taming- Starting off with the roughness with this guy. These two go hand in hand for Dabi, you need to know where you belong. Underneath him, begging and crying for his cock, his mercy, anything. You need to understand your only purpose is to service him, moan for him, and be his little personal cumdump.

Hard Dom- he won’t go easy on you, no matter what, you’re not getting it sweet or easy. It’s always going to be rough, fast, and difficult. Just try and complain.

Size kink- We all know this man is hung like a donkey, too big to handle. Loves it when you’re trying to suck him off and can’t even get down halfway. Even better when he’s pushing in, and can’t get further than six inches in. Just laughs at how “your cute little hole can’t take my fat cock can it, baby?”

Sadism- Pretty obvious, he likes hurting you. Knives? He’s got plenty. Fire? More relunctant but sure. Impact play? Yes sir. Loves seeing you cry and you babble about how much it hurts. His favorite thing is to write his name on your back with light burns that usually fade in a week or so. Always takes care of your injuries afterwords.

Bondage- Can’t have his little baby trying to touch themself can he? Can’t have his darling trying to escape from him, can he? No no, you’re better off tied to the bed, taking everything he gives you like a good little slut.

Sensory Deprivation- He wants you waiting, dreading maybe, anticipating, his next moves. You don’t know where he’ll touch you, what he’s saying, and you can’t do anything to stop it.

Corruption- He has a thing for people who seem innocent, and he wants to corrupt that innocence. To everyone else, you’re naive, doe-eyed, and probably can’t do anything for yourself. He’s going to change all of that. Bonus points if you’re actually fully capable and he morphs into a co-dependant mess. This man is all Yandere nothing else.

Teasing/ edging- Loves working you up to the grand finale, then pushing you back to the first scene. You’ll never forget his laughter as you beg him for your orgasms. You’ll be lucky if he lets you cum at all. He’ll humiliate the fuck out of you for your pitiful begging.

Tomura Shigaraki/ Symbol of Terror

Mommy/Daddy/Renny (Renny is the gender neutral term for Mommy/Daddy)- This man will call you whatever you want, but this is his go-to nickname for you. You’re taking care of him in and out of the bedroom, at least until he matures.

Switch- Up until he matures, your on top of him the whole time. Loves it when you’re in control, but after certain events in the manga and anime, he starts to gain an apprentice for being on top, although being so unused to it, he has a lot less kinks for being on top than on bottom.

Pegging- self-explanatory. He was always afraid of disintegrating his dick, and anal stimulation meant most of his fingers were pointed away from his body while only two or three were touching his skin. Safer. Now he’s got a huge appreciation for anal play, anytime you see him naked, he probably has a butt plug in.

Pet-Play- he’s your dumb little puppy, okay? Treat him like a bitchy little animal and he’ll do whatever you want. Feel free and drag him around on a leash or feed him food out of a bowl on the ground.

Feet- he doesn’t know why, but your feet are such a fucking turn on. Whether you’re wearing combat boots with spikes, fancy heels with a flower on them, or normal tennis shoes. Socks, thigh-highs and tights? Man is already begging. Just step on him and give him a foot job already! He’s begging, come on!

Water sports- kind of gross, skip this one if it’s gross for you (it is for me but for some reason I’m writing about it) but it’s something he appreciates more as a top than a bottom. Controlling when you go to the bathroom, giving you so many drinks, watching you squirm, begging and crying for him to let you relieve yourself, only to piss yourself. And when you do that, he’s on his knees in front of you, drinking it. Loves how embarrassed you get. Says “anything you make is always gonna be the best” while licking his lips.

CNC- something he enjoys as a top or a bottom. Skip this one if it’s weird or wrong to you, or a trigger. Always pre-planned with a safe word and everything, but he always pretends it’s real. Something about you or him not having a choice, being forced to take whatever the other gives them, begging for it all to stop but being betrayed by your body, it all just drives him crazy.

S&M- Doesnt care of he’s the S or M. He just loves pain. Crying when you spank or slap him, watching you scream as he cuts his name onto you.

[misssquishy]

Fifty Shades of Lucifer. 18+ an obey me fanfic🔞 (A dominant Lucifer and a submissive Mc)

🔞 Warning:  spanking, toys, bondage, shock collar and a whole bunch of sin.

I need some help. There was this obey me fanfic on this hellish website and I don't know who it was wrote by, or what was the title of the post, so if anyone knows what I'm talking about, please link it in the comments. so the boys were trying to hide their heat from Mc, but Mc, found out anyway and it went from youngest to oldest; belphegor got caught doing shit to Mc's underwear, beel fuck Mc on belph bed, asmo couldn't stand his own scent, Satan was angry, Levi did the 'do' to himself with his tail, Mammon was mammon and the last time I check Lucifer one wasn't out. so if anyone knows what I'm talking about please link it in the comments, I will kiss you.

If you're curious what is wrong with me click this link

if you find a grammar mistake don't tell me I'm not going to fix it

I was about to do this whole like every time Lucifer speaks is red but I forgot the app sucks donkey ass, so it doesn't save what I want it to do (it also removes some of the stuff I wrote down here)

He was sitting in his study, up late again as the night before paperwork had to be done. Lucifer was tired as he sat at his desk, gloves were off, his tie was undone.  Leaning against his hand as he tried his hardest to stay awake. He was stressed and he knew it. He was tired of the paperwork, his brother's antics and tired of cleaning up their messes. But he has too much pride to admit that he needs a break. He leaned back in his chair, letting out a sigh as his fingers ran through his hair. He came to a realization that he is too stressed to carry on, he needed to let out his frustration. He usually just holds it in until he has enough and blows up on Mammon. But recently Lucifer got a new pet to take his anger out on. He chuckled to himself as he stood up, he walked to the fireplace and put out the flames. He opened the door to his study and closed it behind him as he left for his room, a smile plastered across his face as he made his way to his room, gratefully waiting for your arrival.

Feeling groggy your eyes flutter open, slowly being woken up by your D.D.D. ringing on the nightstand. You rolled out of bed and walked to the nightstand, the name 'Lucifer' flashed on the screen as you answered the call "Hello…?" "Were you asleep?" He asked with a voice more tired sounding than yours "Come to my room, now, don't make me wait" you looked at your phone confusedly as the call ended, you wondered why Lucifer wanted you at this hour as you slowly walked to his bedroom. You knocked on the wood, a weary "Come in" encouraged you to open the door "You wanted to see me, Lucifer?" "Yes, close the door" you complied and closed it. You looked around the room before your eyes landed on a little box lying on his bed. You looked at the table, several more Akuzon boxes sitting on it. You glanced at the Avatar pride that was sitting on the couch, glass of wine in hand "Come, set" he gestured to the bed. you wandered over and sat down next to the box  "I'm sorry for calling on you at this hour, I needed to ask you a question"  "Is the question that important that you have to wake me up at 2:00 am?" Lucifer didn't like the cocky tone in your voice as you said those words, but he kept calm as he knew that cockiness wouldn't last for long "Yes, it's very important for that it couldn't wait for tomorrow" he put the glass of wine up to his lips and sipped it "First, I would like you to open your gift" he gestured to the Akuzon box sitting next to you. You hesitated, it's Lucifer after all and the way he was staring at you, wasn't innocent. He noticed your expression as you looked at the box curiously and laughed "Go on, It's not poisonous, you can open it"  you looked at him then slowly shrugged as you began to open the box. You were shocked as your eyes looked at the content within the box: a red leash with a matching collar and golden dog tags attached to it

"Do you like it?" He asked with a slight smile across his face. You stared at the collar as you noticed your full name and your date of birth on one of the dog tags, and the words ‘property of Lucifer’ on the other "Now, on to the question why you're here" he said as he sat his glass on the table "Are you my good girl?" You stare at him as you slowly realize the real reason why you're here. You tightly squeeze the dog collar as your heart pounded with excitement "yes" you mumble as you squeeze your thighs together, your hips shifting in your seat. Lucifer let out a slight chuckle  "Is that how good girls talk now?" You looked down at the floor in shame as you slowly shook your head "Now, I'll ask you again" placing his elbows on the table as he rested his chin on his hands "are you my good girl?" He stared at you and curiosity as he wandered, will you give him what he wanted? You started to become aroused. You know what he wants, and you know if you say it, you would become his bitch from that point on. staring at the collar again, glancing over the dog tags once more as you took a deep breath and let out a little ”yes, master”

Lucifer started laughing, that was the right answer. He leaned back in his seat and patted his leg "Come here, and bring the gift" you tried to put up some "fight". you think it's fun to get under his skin sometimes, and think it's sexy when he gets angry "I'm not a dog, Lucifer" . He saw that you were still defiant, and wondered how much you could take until you finally broke. He sighed "why are you so damn stubborn?" He stood up straight, his words were full of annoyance as he spoke "I said come here" you rolled your eyes as you got on your hands and knees on the floor and slowly crawled to Lucifer, leash and collar in your hand. Stopping between his legs as you look at him, a devilish grin plastered across his face "That's how good girl's should act" a part of you hates being treated like a dog, but you can't ignore your arousal. And the more obedient you are, the more ecstatic he becomes. He took the collar from you and fastened it around your neck "It fits perfectly" he said "Now people will know who you belong to" He then patted his lap, encouraging you to lay on it. As you lay your head on his inner thigh he begins to rub his fingers through your hair "You're such a good girl, yes you are" you sit there as he pat your head and you close your eyes, it was soothing. It was late and you didn't mean to. but loving the tension, you slowly drifted off to sleep. Lucifer saw that you were going to sleep and got even more annoyed. 

He grabbed the leash and yanked on it, jerking you forward "Don't you dare go to sleep on me now, we haven't got started yet" he let go of the leash and place a hand on your cheek "I have more gifts for you" he said "But you have to earn them" his hand moved to the back of your head and ran his fingers through your hair before grabbing a fistful of it, making you wince as you stared at the devilish grin on his face "Now, be a good girl and suck your master’s cock" he set up and started unbuckling his pants "I will warn you, I'm not going to hold back this time" You weighed in anticipation as he slowly unbuttoned his pants and unzipped his fly. He ran his thumb under the waistband of his boxers staring at you while he did it, making you wait "Is this what you want?" He asked while pulling down his boxers, exposing his aching shaft. You open your mouth and stick out your tongue, you can't deny it any more, you did enjoy the way he treated you. He cocked an eyebrow at your eagerness. He found it amusing, how you were so hesitant the first time you two did something like this, but in that moment you were like a dog begging for a treat, and he loved it. Lucifer put a hand on your cheek, his thumb entered your mouth and rubbed it on the inside of your cheek before pulling on it, making your mouth open wider. The tip of his cock rested on your tongue before sliding in your mouth, a slight hiss escaped from his lips as you fully took him in your mouth "Ahw! fuck yes!" His hands moved to the back of your head, his fingers slid through your hair as he bucked his hips. You gagged as Lucifer’s cock slid into your throat, you always had trouble taking him in your mouth, he definitely was on the thicker side than his brothers. your aching pussy throbbed between your legs as your arousal began to be unbearable. Enjoying the feeling of your face being fuck, you put your hand down your pants and started teasing yourself, rubbing and teasing the sensitive folds. 

Lucifer stopped, looking down at you,  he saw what you were doing and pulled out of your throat, resting his cock in your mouth before slamming back deep in your throat, making you choke.

 your eyes begin to water from the feeling of his member violently thrust into you "I didn't give you permission to touch yourself" he removes his cock from your throat, leaving you with an empty feeling. You wanted more, removing your hands but reaching out a hand to touch the throbbing member before you, but Lucifer smacked your hand away "dogs don't eat their meal with their hands" he grabbed your hair and pushed your face against his crotch making his dick grind against your cheek. He took the tip of his cock and started pressing it against your cheek "A good dogs eat there food with there fucking tongue" he said while forcefully rubbing the head of his member against your cheek, making your face shiny with pre "Now, be a good BITCH and eat your food" you tried to put up a fight. You wanted to please him, but you also wanted to piss him off just to see what he does next "I. AM. NOT. A. DOG-" as soon as you said those words, Lucifer immediately became annoyed and grabbed your face. He held your chin with a tight grip as his thumb and index finger pressed into your cheeks "are you trying to piss me off!?"

Yes, yes you were..

"Why are you so disobedient?!" He knew you were being disobedient on purpose, he knew you were just trying to get under his skin, just to rile him up. He knows he has to break you now. Lucifer roughly rubs the tip of his cock against your lips, making them glossy as he covers them in pre-cum "Now, be a good bitch and lick my cock" without hesitation your tongue is out, licking the underside of Lucifer's shaft. You rolled your tongue from the base to his head. A weak "finally" croak from Lucifer's throat. Your tongue explored his shaft, licking up and down his cock making him grit his teeth. You licked back up to the tip and started circling the head with your tongue. Lucifer growled when the tip of your tongue licked at the slit of his cock. Looking up at him, his eyes were glossy with a yellow hue as his gaze met yours "does it feel good?" You smile with a slight chuckle as the tip of your tongue digs into the slit of his member, lapping up beads of pre. Lucifer got agitated "shut up" your mouth was suddenly filled with his cock. You put your hands on his hips and dig your nails into his skin, the feelings of  your throat being filled up once again made you moan around him. He bucked his hips, he ran his fingers through your hair as he started to lose it  "N- now that's how a good girl should act!" His thrust got faster and rougher, and the pathetic, muffled sound that you tried to make only encouraged him "do m- my pet want a treat?" He pulled on your hair, yanking your head back. Lucifer took his cock out of your mouth, and stroked it in front of your face "open your mouth, and stick out your tongue" you did what you were told, sticking your tongue out and watched him as he stroked his member, vigorously. His tip lied on your tongue as he pumped his cock up and down "don't spill a fucking drop!" he said with gritted teeth. With one final grunt, your mouth was full with his cum. Covering your tongue. his cum overflowed from your mouth, you tried to catch it with your hands. Lucifer pulled away and looked at you. He got even more annoyed, you had one job and you couldn't do it right "lick your hands" he said with a disappointed look on his face. You stared at your hands that were covered in his seed and put them up to your lips. You looked up at him as you started to lick the palm of your hands, tracing your tongue over lines in your hands that were covered in his seed. Lucifer stared intensively as he watched you suck your fingers, staring right into your eyes as you licked between your fingers. When you are done you sit on the floor, waiting for him to give you another command. He laughed at your obedience "you did such a good job in sucking me off, but…" he crouch down in front of you, a slight devious smile plastered across his face as he tap the floor with a finger "you missed a spot" you looked down at the small puddle of Lucifer's cum seeping into the carpet "Lick it up" you stared at him "no" you said with a little cockiness in your voice. Lucifer didn't find your disobedience cute however, now he knows that he has to break you of that little Pride you have left.

"I don't think I stuttered, did i?" Lucifer's voice was low and cold. He grabbed you by the hair and pushed your face down into the carpet "I said Lick. It. Up!" You reluctantly did what you were told. He watched with amusement as you lapped up his cum from the carpet like a dog. When you were done you looked at him, waiting for another command. Lucifer met your gaze, chuckled as he slowly shook his head. He grabbed you by the arm and made you stand up, his hands moved up to your face. His thumbs rubbed over your cheeks, wiping away the tears that still remains "you were doing so good, mc" he said as his hands slide down  to your shoulders "but you wasted it, so now I'm going to have to punish you" he grabbed you by the arm again and sat down on the couch, dragging you down with him. He bent you over his knee, making you face the fireplace. You let out a gasp as he started pulling down your pants "Lucifer?!" He let your pants dangle from your ankles, exposing your ass to him. He ran a hand up your thighs, and slowly cupped one of your cheeks before slapping it. you whine from the pain. You tried to brace yourself for another strike, but you couldn't help but to scream as his hand came in contact with your skin again, harder, making a wave of pain wash over your body "I didn't give you permission to touch yourself, you wasted my cum and you are so disobedient. Scream all you like, this is your fault" he hit you harder, and harder. Your screams bounce off the walls. It hurts, but you couldn't help but to get off from it. Lucifer was enjoying your screams as he slapped your ass, leaving red handprints on your abused skin "Apologize" "wha-?!" Was all you can say before he hit you again "Apologize for what you did" his hand began to rubbed over the red skin of your ass "Apologize for being disobedient, wasting my cum and for touching yourself without my permission" he slapped you again making you whimper out a weak "I'm sorry" he slapped your ass again "LOUDER!" "I'M SORRY!" You screamed as you balled your hands into fists. You brace yourself for another hit but you are caught off guard by Lucifer laughing. He didn't know why he was laughing, but somehow the way you pleaded for forgiveness was cute, and also pathetic. Lucifer's hand went back to your ass. You wince from the stinging sensation as Lucifer's warm hands started rubbing the abused skin of your ass cheek, smirking as he rubbed the red marks that he made "You're enjoying this aren't you?" "no.." you whimpered out. Lucifer  knew that you were lying and found it cute that you tried so hard to deny what you truly wanted. His hand moved to your thighs, slowly sliding them up. Your whimpers turn into moans as Lucifer fingers trails over your aching folds "If you're not enjoying this, then why are you so wet?" He removed your pants from your ankles and threw them. He grabbed you by the arm and lifted you up to make you straddle him. The smile that was on Lucifer's face quickly turned into a devilish grin when he saw your tearful eyes. Lucifer cooed happily as  he licked your fallen tear from your cheeks, before moving to your ear and whispering "Maybe we should stop" "what...?" You said as you tried not to focus on the stinging sensation from your butt "Since my bitch is crying so much, then we need to stop" you were shocked. Why did he want to stop now? This wasn't the first time that Lucifer spanked you, far from it, but this time you know it was different. Almost like he's been causing you pain deliberately, like he's trying to prove something. Your mine ran blink for a moment, then a slight sigh lifted you as leaned your head against his shoulder “I will stop with the behavior” You now know what this was about. Your voice was hoarse as you quietly whispered "don't stop…. please" you moved to kiss him. A gentle kiss to his lips turned into a rough one, leaving you gasping for air when you pulled away “ You sank to your knees on to the floor, grabbing the red leash that was still hooked to the red matching collar that was still on your neck. Lucifer was surprised when you put the leash into his open palm and then closed his hand. Pulling away, you looked up at him as nothing but shame fell from your lips "please don't stop" you let your head hang down a shame as you continued "I'll do what you say, I'll be your dog, just don't stop" setting on the floor with your head down, you felt a shane but you wanted more. The room was uncomfortably silent as the two of you waited on for the other one to speak first, the Avatar Pride was stunned by your sudden actions that he actually looked at you with a slight pity. It was until you utter the word "master?" when Lucifer's calm demeanor turns into greed. When he loosened his grip on the leash it slithered out of his hand, and on to the floor "such a picky pet" you kept your eyes on the floor, waiting for your master to tell you what to do. It wasn't until Lucifer grabbed you by the hair when you looked at him, a stinging sensation in your scalp from how hard he was gripping on to your hair. Lucifer looked at you with disgust  and that look that he gives you when he's disciplining you. It was full of shame and disappointment, and you usually were afraid when he looked at you like that, but in this situation you can't help being aroused. "You'll do what I say, huh?" You nod your head with the little mobility you had "You like it when I treat you like a dog, don't you? treating you like shit, while I fuck your brains out?" a worried "yes" was all you can say before you were forcefully tossed on the floor "Then prove it" he crossed his legs as he continued "Bow to me and prove your loyalty" you moved from your spot on the floor to be in front of Lucifer. Setting yourself up where you were on your knees, and slowly bowing your head. It wasn't enough for Lucifer however, and he silently put his foot on the back of your head, and pushed down to make your face buried in the carpet "Look at you, not putting up a fight like an obedient bitch" he continued "now, who does this bitch belong to?" He slowly started grinding his foot into your head, making you wince "I said who do you belong to?" A weary "you, sir" came out before your face was buried deep into the carpet, your head pinned  down to the floor by Lucifer's foot "I'm going to do what I want to you and you're not going to complain, you understand me?"

"Yes, master"

"Good"

Lucifer removed his foot and stood up straight "I guess you're good enough" you lift your head to look up at him, a sweet and gentle smile replaced the wicked grin he had before "You can open a another present" he gestured to one of the Akuzon boxes that was still on the table "Some may bring you pleasure, while the other will bring you pain. But no matter which one you choose, you will enjoy it" You turn to look at the table in the several unopened boxes lying upon it. Staring at the different sized boxes you wondered to yourself; If the first box had a leash and a dog collar in it, what was inside the others? You wanted to open all of them at once to ease your mind, but it wasn't until you noticed that one of the boxes didn't have the Akuzon logo on it. It was just a plain box. Lucifer shifted closer, he noticed that you were glaring at a pacific box that he put together. sitting on the edge of the couch he leaned down to hover over you "Are you sure you want that one?" Your curiosity turned into dread. The unknown contents of the box started to become concerning as you reminisced what Lucifer said "what's in these that would make me feel pain?" Lucifer didn't give a direct answer other than a smile "Pick one and find out" you hesitated, still unnerved by the fact that you don't know what is in the boxes. but put that uneasiness aside as you want this to continue. You pointed to the box with no recognizable markings and sighed "This one" with a smile Lucifer grabbed your arm and stood up, making you stand on your feet. He walked with you until you both were in the middle of the room, standing under the chandelier. He told you to "Stay" and return to the table. He picked up the box that you singled out and opened it. Lucifer proceeds to rummage through contents of the box "Take off your shirt" he demanded over his shoulder. You did what you were told, taking off your shirt and letting it fall to the floor, leaving you naked. You tried covering your chest with your arms but as soon as your hands touched your breasts, Lucifer grabbed your wrist and jerked you forward. He gave you that look again, that disapproving look that made your legs weak. Suddenly, Lucifer tied your wrists together, it wasn't until the rest of the rope was strong through the chandelier when you noticed his intentions. He pulls on the rope, making your arms raised above your head. He didn't stop pulling it on, however. Pulling the rope tighter and tighter, you begin to whimper about the rope starting to dig into your skin. It wasn't until you're on your tippy toes when Lucifer stopped and tied the rope to the Chandelier. He took a step back to look at you. Staring at the pretty 'rope bunny' in front of him, made the Pride filled demon giddy with glee. Even though he was tired, Lucifer hasn't felt this satisfied in a while. the only time he find something this satisfying is when he used to torture demons that disobey him, or when his greedy little brother max out his credit cards. The way your wrist was bound together and the way your legs wanted to give out as the chandelier struggled to hold your weight, made his cock hardon again. 

"It's too tight" you felt the rope dig into your skin. It is not the first time you've been tied up, but you were struggling. Lucifer just closed his eyes and shook his head, he giggled "I thought you said you won't complain" he looked disappointed in his face as he continued "It seems like I have to discipline you" he turned around and walked back to the table. You watched as Lucifer put up the box of the table and walked back over to you, with that same disappointing look. Your eyes met. It wasn't until he walked behind you and that eye contact broke, you tried to angle your head to see him, but you couldn't because of how your arms were positioned "what are you doing?" Lucifer shushes you. You tried your best to know what he was doing by the sound of his movement, but to no avail. The room became uncomfortably silent. You heard no movement, nothing, almost like Lucifer wasn't behind you "Lucifer?..." Nothing. You tried again "Lucifer… please" still nothing. It was only when you mumble the word "master?" When you heard something like a snort when you were reminded of his presence. You heard Lucifer footsteps, he was right behind you but you were still startled when you heard his voice right in your ear "impatient, are we?" Suddenly, the caller that was still around your neck was being removed and it was immediately replaced by something else. You couldn't look to see what it was as it was around your neck, but you could tell whatever that was now around your neck wasn't normal. It wasn't long until Lucifer's hands were on your body. Coming from behind, his hands started at your waist, feeling your soft skin as his fingers shift to your hips "Such a delicate human form" he said "Too bad I'm going to ruin it" Lucifer moved back from you, going back to the bed he picked up a ball gag that he took out of the box. Lucifer then walked in front of you "open your mouth" he demanded as he put the ball of the gag up to your lips, and fastened passed the straps behind your head after you took the gag between your teeth. Now you were bound, gagged and completely at a demon's mercy, you could scream and no one would hear it. Just what Lucifer wanted. You looked at one another, like a standoff between predator and prey, but the prey knows it has lost. Lucifer shuffled back behind you but quickly walked back in front of you as he held something behind his back. With his hand, he reaches up and caresses your face. You leaned into his touch, letting out a muffled moan as a ball gag had you mostly silent. But that sweet moment didn't last for too long however. As soon as you let your guard down, Lucifer grabs a fistful of your hair, jerking your head back. Your whimpers were blocked by the ball gag but that was still enough for the Avatar Pride. The thing that Lucifer was hiding behind his back moved in between your legs "If you cum, I'll make you regret it" before you could think, the feeling of pleasure rushed through you. The vibrator that Lucifer pressed against your aching pussy made your legs weak, as your moans that were blocked by the gag tried to break through. You felt your knees starting to buckle, the rope that was still wrapped around your wrist was the only thing keeping your body from falling on the floor. Your body felt like it was about to collapse, he just started touching you and you're already at your peak,  you weren't expecting to cum so soon, you blame yourself for being so sensitive. But you didn't want to give up your orgasm quite yet. You looked up and focused your eyes on your two arms that were bound above your head, trying your best not to climax. Lucifer knew you were trying to fight it, he took your resisting as obedience. But Lucifer wanted you to cum so he could punish you. Lucifer was sliding his fingers across your sensitive flesh, increasing your excitement and stimulating you as you tried to steady your breathing. He placed a kiss on your breasts, it was gentle, a lot more gentle than the ones he gave you on your lips. But when his mouth moved to your nipples, you tried to ignore him. Closing your eyes trying not to give in to the pleasure. When he wasn't getting the response that he wanted, Lucifer rubbed the vibrator on your clit but not before putting on the toy on Max power. Your eyes shot open, you looked down at the smug demon who was teasing your breasts. You wanted to scream, to let your voice out but the ball gag prohibits those rights. All you could do was inhale and exhale rapidly, as you begin to unravel. The wand continued to vibrate your clit, you felt the urge to cum increase when Lucifer pinch your nipples between his teeth. your orgasm rattled you as you cried out his name in a long note of pleasure. Your climax just kept rising higher and higher, you could feel your knees weaken tremors throughout as you wrote out your orgasm as your juices drench down your thighs and cover Lucifer's hand.he moves to cup your face wiping the loose strands of hair away. You stared at him teary-eyed as you try to come down from your euphoric high, he smiled at you wickedly before he whispered in your ear "you came, so now I get to punish you" you realize what you have done, you disobey your master and slowly start shaking your head "no" but you're quiet please fell on deaf ears as bolts of electricity rush your body. You screamed but nothing came out as agonizing pain filled your body. And just like that it was gone, leaving you a twitching mess as the remnant of electricity made your nerves feel like they were jumping. Your legs finally give out. The only thing that kept you from falling to the ground was the ropes that still bind your wrists to the chandelier. You were breathing rapidly, you wanted to pass out but lost his voice caught your attention "This is your punishment, so enjoy it" the rush of the electricity filled your body once more but it was a lot stronger, more painful. And once again the feeling of being shocked was gone, leaving you a trembling, confused mess. your heart pounding in your head as you tried to think straight, feeling dizzy and your vision was doubled, you slowly trying to gain your sanity back. It wasn't until you heard Lucifer calling your name when finally you felt like yourself again "Mc? Is my little doggie dead?" You looked at him, after what he did to you, Lucifer's caring smile felt foreign. He proceeded to remove the ball gag from your mouth. as soon as Lucifer did that, you're heavy panting was the only thing coming out of your mouth before you ask, in a shaky breath "w- w- what the fuck d- did you do to- to me?!" He pointed to his neck "shock collar" he calmly said. Lucifer pulled out a small remote and waved it across your face. You stared at him bewildered then remembered that he put something around your neck that you couldn't see "I did originally bought it for Cerberus, but sometimes inside bitches needs discipline too" Lucifer precedes to untie your wrist and you immediately collapsed in his arms, tired as you can barely stand up. Lucifer wiped the sweat from your face, he stared into your tired eyes and gave you a sweet kiss to your forehead. But when you thought the torture was over, Lucifer grab your hair again and when you saw that disappointed look on his face, you knew it wasn't over "Get your ass to the bed, and bend over" your master gave you orders and you followed them. Getting onto your hands and knees, you tried your best not to fall over as you crawled to Lucifer's bed. Bending over, you stuck your ass up in the air as your upper body laid on top of the covers. Looking over the bed, you notice there was more sex toys lying upon it: couple of vibrators, a few dildos. But one thing that caught your eye the most was Lucifer's riding crop. The same riding crop was picked up by the demon. Lucifer gripped the riding crop tightly in his hands and glared at your still bright red ass. 

"do you remember what to say?" Preparing for the strike to come, you gripped the covers and nodded in response. Lucifer took a deep breath before striking you with the riding crop. you jerked forward, you let out a loud moan of pain and pleasure as Lucifer precedes to hit you again

 "say it"

 "I'm a dumb human whore" the riding crop came in contact with your skin as Lucifer precedes to hit you harder 

"what else?"

 "I love to be stuffed by demon cock. To be used as a cum dope by your kind" he hit you again the riding crop leaving red marks to your already abused bottom 

"do you like to be treated like this?" Another strike thrash your skin, your words messy as you try to breathe

 "I- l love to be abused, used and treated like the scum I am" Lucifer steps back and smiles, admiring the new marks he added to your skin. Lucifer ran his fingers through his hair and quietly chuckled to himself as he watched you slowly crawl into his bed. Tired and out of breath, you just wanted to be filled up by him. You roll over onto your back and spread your legs open, you reached between your legs and spread open your wet and drenching cunt, exposing yourself to him "please, just fuck me" you continue "I said what you wanted, I did what you wanted, now please just do this one thing for me and fuck me" Lucifer inhale deeply, as he fight the urge to ravish you, to bury his cock deep inside of you. He looked over to his nightstand and slowly laughed as he stared at a clock that was sitting on it "look at the time. it's very late, maybe we should get some sleep?"