#you are unironically the light of my life so

[fanfic-writer-and-rambler]

Jason: Kill him. Batman: No. Jason: Kill him. Batman: No. Jason: Kill him! Batman: No! Joker: Can I kill myself to escape this nightmare of awkward father son tension? Jason and Batman: Shut up! Jason: Ignore me, like you did when I died, what about the countless lives he’s taken, what about Barb, what about the shit he’s put all of us through for some sick joke? And if you didn’t want to do it because of those reasons, what about me? I wanted to ignore this but he took me away from you! Why not vindicate me? I thought I was your son! Joker: Guess you weren’t that close. Jason snacks Joker with the crowbar a fifth time. Jason: Shut. The. Fuck. Up! Back to you, when I saw the bomb tick down, I accepted it. I accepted my death... I thought when I died, you'd kill him. Then I wake up and he's still alive. Why? Batman: I’ve contemplated torturing Joker in a private area. Make him feel pain from every nerve in his body, make it so that when I finally killed him I savor the light leaving his… eyes. But I don’t want to go to that dark place because that won’t fix crime. Jason: Stop joking. Batman: I'm not. Jason: You have to be. Batman: When have I ever joked with you in this suit?

Jason: It's not too late, because you can't be serious. It literally would fix one thing.. Him! Joker: Can you tell me what type of torture methods you’d perform on me? I might need to use those later. Jason points to Joker with his gun. Batman: If I kill I would never go back. I would kill the next one like him. Jason: Then fucking do that! You can't be arrested. You are friends with commissioner Gordon, who by the way, Joker shot his fucking daughter. You shot his daughter right? Joker: Yeah. Jason: Okay, so should I shoot him or do you want to? Batman: Joker would have to do something insanely unforgivable to make me kill him. Jason: ...He tricked my mom into handing me over and killed me. Horribly tortured me. Just want you to know I was legally dead for a time. Batman: That's different. Jason: Different how? Batman: You're here now.

Jason looks around. Jason: Am I on a hidden camera show? Because you did not say that as a defense. You can't be serious! Batman: It’s not right! Jason: Why? Go ahead tell me, why is it wrong to kill him and for me to kill irredeemable criminals. I'll wait, I have the detonator. Batman: Because when my parents died, I learned all life is valuable. Jason: Joseph Stalin. Batman: Okay, I - Jason: Charles Manson. Batman: Hold on, now he was- Jason: Jim Jones. Batman: Well they volunteered. Jason: Adolf Hitler, the Nazi soldiers who knowingly participated in the extermination of Jews and the ones who escaped to Brazil. Joker: I know I'm the one possibly dying, but he brought up a couple good examples. Batman: No, wait, because that's not the same. Joker is not the same as them. Jason: Okay, I will cancel out the world dictators and Manson. I'll do that... Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy, Wade Wilson! Batman: ... Jason: And again him torturing and killing your son isn't the line?

Batman: I told you not to fall for your mother's tricks. Jason: Are you resorting to gas lighting? While I have a bomb? We're doing that?! Batman: All I'm saying is when you got brought back you killed left and right. Jason: Yes, rapists and murderers. I don't kill shoplifters. Batman: Hypocrite. Jason: A shoplifter has a reason and doesn't go about killing someone. What rapists have you met that had a reason? Because rapists aren't redeemable, they're free game. Batman: Okay, last I checked murder is wrong! Jason: Yeah, it is! Jason points his gun Joker. Batman: ...A criminal is a criminal. I treat them all the same. Jason: Let's talk about Selina Kyle. Batman: Let's not do this. Jason: She gets a pass when she's attacked people to escape. If a criminal is a criminal then why isn't she in prison? Because she meows at you? Because you unironically like when she hits you with a whip? Because she talks in a fake sultry voice? I want to know why does she get a pass? Why Black Mask walks? Joker walks? Mr. Freeze walks? Tick tock detective. Batman: ... Jason: It bothers you, doesn't it? That I'm doing a better job at you? That I'm taking on businesses of the crime ridden area because I can admit that crime will never stop? That I kill murderers and rapists? Batman: It doesn't bother me... I just don't want you to do this. Jason: I'm not asking you to kill Selina or Riddler or Mr. Freeze. I want you to kill him. I'm not even mad at you for not stopping my death, I forgive you on that, but for the love of God, kill him! Please. I am begging you! Do you see this? I am begging you! Batman: I can't. I'm sorry. Jason: Okay you have two options. I kill Joker or... You kill me. Jason tosses Batman a gun that the man catches with ease. Batman: I regret the day I let you into my life... Not because of your fault, but my own. I gave you a good life with the life of a hero. So I won't kill him. I'm sorry. Jason: Hm... I guess you'll watch me kill him. This is great, I always wanted this moment with us. Jason grabs Joker and aims the gun at the cackling psychos head. Jason: I’m going to enjoy this! Batman: Dodge! Jason: What? Batman tosses a batarang at Jason’s neck, impaling it in the man's neck. Jason drops the gun and Joker in shock and pain as blood splurts out of his neck wound. Jason: You threw a batarang… at ME?! Batman: Oh shit, shit, shit! You were supposed to dodge! Jason: You pulled a Piccolo on me!? Batman: I thought you would dodge. I shouted dodge! Jason: You thought I would read your damn mind, toss Joker aside, dodge and then not shoot him. Batman stays silent. Jason and Joker: Oh my God you did. GREAT, NOW I'M AGREEING WITH HIM! Jason yanks the Batarang out of his neck. He looks at the Batarang, silent and shaking. Jason: You know... maybe in a few years we can laugh about this, but for...I'm sorry too. Jason presses the detonator managing to escape along with Batman. Joker is crushed by the debris of the buildings, but alive.

[yearsofsolitude]

happiest of birthdays to my twin... my actual factual birthday twin... my silly rabbit... my ride or die @amazingphil i love you i treasure you i root for you always. mwah

[raptureshots]

HOLYSHIT ITS BIOSHOCK DAY!!!!!!! 17 YEARS OF BIOSHOCKING BABY!!!!!!!!

Based off Butcher Vanity which is a very good song that YOU!!!! should listen to

[mimasroom2]

Hot tub time ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و

Ellie x reader modern au/slice of life

I have a hot tub but we need to get it fixed. I’m literally so eager so I wrote this LMAO. I LOVE SLICE OF LIFE ELLIE X READER SM!! Expect a bunch more, I have so many ideas written down😚 Im so sappy grrrr,,, I already wrote kinky ass sex so here’s soft sex for u guys😋

C/w: smut lol. Ellie + reader have their own house YAHOO! A bit of fluff in this one >•<. Au but Joel is still dead 😞. He’s mentioned like once. Cunnilingus😝 (r! Receiving) I feel so awkward using y/n like seriously and unironically ahhhh.

W/c: 2.4k

𓆟. ° .• .𓆝 .• ° . 𓆟 . ° .• .𓆞

“I’m actually so fucking bored I’m gonna gouge my eyes out.”

You scoff and roll your eyes. Ellie is always so damn dramatic. You glance over and she’s pretending to pull her hair out, large fistfuls in each hand.

You playfully shove her, “Okay, shut up Ellie.” And you both laugh. It was winter, and she was right… sadly. There was nothing to do during this time of year. Well, besides stay in and cuddle. The only problem was.. you’ve already done that. You two were both off work for the holidays, and you’ve already spent the wholeeeee vacation laying in bed together, so you guessed that Ellie wanted to do something a little more active.

“Wanna play Mario kart? I think the switch is in the bedroom.” You try suggesting, absentmindedly rubbing her leg.

“Nah,” she stretches her arms out on the couch, “Somethin’ more like physical yknow. Gotta keep these pretty muscles toned.” She winks at you, and you roll your eyes.

“You’re actually such a gym rat, you should just live there at this point.” You smirk to yourself, examining your nails.

“Maybe if I did I wouldn’t constantly trip on all the shit you leave around here.” Ellie remarks back, lightly kicking you on the knee.

“Hey, I keep it pretty clean considering we both share a room, thank you very much.” You cross your arms and huff.

Ellie gasps and starts kicking you more, so you yelp and start shoving her away. Suddenly she stops, holding out both her hands. “Holy fuck, babe. Yknow what I forgot about?”

“Huh.”

“Hot tub.”

You sit up at lighting speed, “OH DAMN YOURE RIGHT!” You actually can’t believe you forgot about that thing. You try to remember the last time you even used it.. must have been last summer. The hot tub was one of things that you’re OBSESSED with at first, but then you use it one too many times and you forget about it for a couple months. And then the cycle continues.

Ellie leaps off the couch and bolts down the hall. “GET YOUR SWIMSUIT ON WE ARE GOING IN!!”

~

You come outside and see Ellie lifting up the top of the hot tub. The whole things underneath a roof outside, so there’s not much snow in the porch where you two are standing, but it’s still really cold. You look up at the sky. The sun is starting to set, it’s been a little over an hour since you two had dinner. Delicious deer soup that Ellie made from when she went hunting a couple days ago. You always said that if Ellie was stuck in a post apocalyptic world, she would survive.

You suddenly remember the cold air hitting you, breaking you out of your thoughts of your girlfriend. You shiver, and pull the robe you’re wearing tighter around your body. You glance over at Ellie still messing with the top of the hot tub. All Ellie’s wearing is her classic swimsuit: plain black top and swim shorts. Her tattoo flexes as she finally pops the top off and turns the hot tub on.

You jump up and down in your slippers, trying to move to stay warm. “Ellieeee how much longer?”

She reaches down into the water and starts poking around at the buttons and jets. “Hold your horses, y/n, I gotta check all the filters n shit. Haven’t used this in a hot minute.”

“Mmmm I know but it’s cold.” You groan in protest. You know damn well you’re being a brat, but you swear you’re not built for any weather too hot or too cold.

“Well you wanna shut up and help me? Make it go by faster..” She looks up at you and you shake your head vigorously. “Yeah thas’ what I thought.” She smirks at you.

After what felt like foreverrrrr in the cold, Ellie turns the jets on and says you can hop in. There’s steam coming off the water as it hits the cold air. You can barley wait, you’re hyping the hot tub up in your mind. It’s something that feels like a luxury to you. The only thing that can make you stop thinking about your precious hot tub is your precious Ellie. You look up at her and get butterflies, even though you two have been dating for about 2 years now. She looks soooo beautiful, just standing there, folding up the tarp from the tub. You shake your head, thinking it’s so damn stupid to be drooling over your girlfriend who’s literally just standing there, doing the most mundane possible thing.

Some snow falls on top of your head so you brush it off. It’s getting too cold for you. You lick your lips, turning around to shed your rob, you’re still slightly shy undressing in front of Ellie, even though you’re still in a swimsuit. You hang your cute pink robe up on the hook where the towels you brought out are.

Turning back around to head into the tub, you see Ellie with her back towards you, messing around with the water guns from last summer. You check her out unapologetically, looking at her ass before you snap into reality again and take your slippers off to step into the hot tub. The hot water feels like it burns your skin, compared to the cold winter air. You take a couple minutes slowly sliding more of your body deeper into the water.

Ellie turns around, with one water gun still in her hand. “Feel alright, babe? Not too hot?”

You sink in deeper, up to your neck, “Mm feels good.” And then rise up again slowly, “Come in, Els. I’m gettin’ bored in here.”

“Oh yeah?” She closes one eye and lifts up the gun, suddenly shooting a short stream of cold ass water at you. “Not so bored now, huh?” She laughs and walks closer to you.

Your jaw drops and you scream when the water hits you, “ELLIEEEEE WHAT THE FUCKKKK!”

“What?” She fakes a pout, lowering the water gun. “I told you I gotta keep these muscles in good shape, right?”

Before you can retort, she’s already getting in the hot tub. “God, shove over. I’m freezing.” She accidentally splashes you as she’s hastily getting in.

“Ellieeeee! Don’t splash me! >~<“ you whine, but she just laughs, and this time splashes you on purpose. You sigh dramatically at all her antics.

She doesn’t reply, and just sinks in deeper, and you take no shame in watching her stretch her body out. Ellie groans slightly at the hot water enveloping her body. You sigh and blink at her, watching her eyebrows furrow. She slowly leans her head back against the headrest of the hot tub. You swear she’s egging you on, because she moans softly, giving you the perfect view of her neck, which she knows is your favorite place to kiss her. Suddenly, Ellie opens her eyes and says something that breaks you out of the trance you’ve had all day, “You keep lookin’ at me. What’s goin’ on?”

You let yourself float away from her in the water ever so slightly, “Nothing. I’m not looking at you.”

“Yknow I can like,,, feel your eyes burning into my back whenever you stare at me.”

You cover your face with your hands and

face away from her. She laughs to herself. She finds it so cute you still get flustered around her even after all this time you’ve been together.

“That’s too bad because I’m reallyyyy not looking at you.”

Instead of a snarky remark back, Ellie’s abnormally silent. You slowly bring your hands down to face her again, and she’s just looking at you with this look in her eyes. You think it’s somewhere in between concern and contemplation. “You trust me, right?” She says softly, after a few moments. You’re surprised, this is probably the quietest Ellie’s ever been with you.

“Of course I do. What’s wrong, Ellie?” Her tone is completely different than what you’re used to. This only happens on the rare occasion you guys have a disagreement. Or when you talk about something serious.

“Jus’ don’t want you thinking I’m gonna leave you.” She says, almost ashamed. She’s fidgeting with her fingers like how she always does, and avoiding your gaze.

You laugh softly. “Were you….. going to?” You can feel your heart rate speeding up.

Ellie’s eyes widen, “No. no no no.” She sighs, slowly, taking a few moments to collect her thoughts. “I get scared thinking about the future.” She mutters.

You look up at her. You knew Ellie gets scared. Of course she does. When she told you about Joel dying on what, your second date, you knew she’s not as… sturdy.. as she pretends to be sometimes. But that was in the past, and to hear Ellie admit she is worried about her own life ahead of her.. honestly made you surprised.

“Like.. I just want you to know that I’m always gonna be here for you.” She looks so concerned, like she might cry if you guys talk about this for any longer. She’s still looking down, trying to make herself smaller.

“Oh, Ellie.” You raise your hand up and softly tilt her chin to look at you. “I know. Okay? And nothing bad is gonna happen to you. Or me. Or us.”

She looks into your eyes for a second, before she gently tucks your hair behind your ear, leans in, and kisses you.

The kiss is as soft as she’s been talking - all emotion and thought as her lips move slowly against yours. She puts her hand on the back of your neck, pulling you in closer. You sigh into the kiss. She was so tender with you right now. You were so used to fervent and desperate make out sessions with her. Not that that was bad, at all, but you didn’t realize how nice of a change this was until it was happening. You grab her waist, pulling her in closer to you. All of her is so soft and warm against you: her lips, tattooed arm, thighs.. and not just because you two were in the hot tub.

She pulls away to look at you, and you want to melt from the look on her face. She looks like she’s actually in heaven.

“I really love you.”

You smile softly at her, tracing over her tattoo lightly with your finger. “I love you too.” You pull her back into a kiss. After a couple more minutes, she’s more intent with her movements, like how she usually is. She’s not afraid to run her hands over your thighs and squeeze you nipple under your swimsuit.

You gasp at the sudden contact, and moan a little into her mouth.

She pulls away, “Cmon, baby. Need more of that.” and kisses you again, almost immediately licking your bottom lip, asking for entrance. She’s not as soft anymore, back to her usual self wanting to make you moan in pleasure as she works your body. You don’t even try fighting for dominance, just letting her tongue dance around yours as she pleases.

“Ellie…” is all you have to say, and she understands, shifting her position to let you have more of her. You want to press yourself down onto her, and please you both at the same time. You lift your legs up, trying to hook them around her, but you start floating away in the water. You’re not even going fast, it’s so comical how slow the jets are pushing you. You snort and reach out to grab Ellie’s hand.

“Ohmygod!” Ellie starts laughing and she grabs your hand, “Can’t exactly scissor in the water, I guess.” You blush and scoff at how forward she can be.

“Cmere. Let’s get ya propped up.”

You untie the knots on you bikini bottoms to take them off, tossing them somewhere you’ll pick up later. She grabs your hand and gently guides you to sit on the edge of the hot tub, on one of the corners so you don’t lean back and fall off. She brings your arm down to her face, and kisses you on the back of the hand. You smile and giggle. You swear you feel like a little girl again. You’re a princess and Ellie is your prince. You glance up at the sky - the sun is setting. An array of orange and pinks.

Ellie’s below you, turning down the jets of the tub a little, and getting into her favorite position: right between your thighs. You really couldn’t ask for a more perfect fantasy if you tried.

“This okay?” She asks, lightly rubbing your thigh with her thumb.

“Yes,” you breathe out, “please, Ellie.”

From where she is, you’re practically a goddess towering above her. You feel powerful and confident, and fucking desperate, wanting Ellie to just devour you already.

Ellie only hums in response before kissing your clit. You gasp sharply, you swear no matter how many times she eats you out you could never get used to the heavenly feeling. Her tongue starts lapping you up, and you moan loudly. You silently thank the neighbors for never being outside late during the winter, and that the hot tub is reasonably private, so no one can see you.

Maybe it’s just the cold frigid night air in comparison to Ellie’s warm, wet mouth, but you swear this is some of the best head she’s ever given you. Ellie never stopped licking and kissing at your clit - eventually she didn’t know if you were shaking from the sex or shivering because of the cold, but either way, she could tell from the volume of your moans that you weren’t going to last much longer.

“Mmmmmm- gonna cum soon..”

Ellie just nods, her face still buried into you. You can feel her cute little nose bumping up against you, and both her hands are up on your knees, spreading your thighs open for her.

She knows you’re close when you start whimpering and gasping for air.

“Ohmygod ohmygod Ellie,, fuck- you’re gonna make me cum..”

As soon as you warn her you’re throwing your head back, and your hips snap up as your orgasm takes over you. She keeps licking you clean until your breathing slows and you let yourself sink back down into the hot water.

You can’t even think of anything to say, so you grab Ellie’s arm and wrap it around you, as a way to ask her to cuddle you.

“Always such a cuddle bug after you cum..” Ellie mutters, mostly to herself, as she rests her head on yours.

You just chuckle and look up into the sky as the sun finally sets. You sigh in and out the cold winter air. Ellie kisses the top of your head, whispering one more ‘I love you’ as she pulls you closer into her arms.

𓆟. ° .• .𓆝 .• ° . 𓆟 . ° .• .𓆞

[chosolala]

⊹ ‧₊˚ ౨ৎ Megumi headcannons

like the title says, here are some of my silly stupid megumi fushiguro headcannons ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

he really likes to read, so sometimes he’ll buy 2 copies of a new book so he can give the second to you and you guys can read together

sometimes your hangout sessions are just you two sitting in the common room reading your books together while listening to music.

when he’s crushing on you, sometimes he’ll let nobara and yuji motivate him to do stupid things to “get you to fall for him” and he gets super flustered and red.

one time you all were in the library doing research and megumi came up to you like “it’s a good thing i have my library card because i am totally checking you out”. you couldn’t help but giggle at this.

gojo heavily influenced the way he styles his hair

he takes his divine dogs out for walks, brings them to dog parks at night and plays fetch with them.

he loves going on walks while listening to music and zoning out, sometimes he just sits somewhere and watches the world around him, not thinking about all the craziness that comes with being a jujutsu sorcerer.

he loves photography, his camera roll is secretly filled with pictures of yuji and nobara smiling and laughing together, pretty pictures of the sky, him and gojo, and pictures of his divine dogs.

he’s actually super sentimental and he hates that about himself. he can’t bring himself to throw away any stupid note one of his classmates slid him or the acorn that one of his dogs brought to him randomly or any of his polaroids.

he likes watching news or true crime stories with a snack late at night. sometimes his classmates will ask to join him but they get bored easily so he’s usually on his own.

summons his shikigami randomly just for you to play with, especially his dogs whenever you’re visibly upset or had a bad day, he loves seeing how they light up your face.

he loves when people touch his hair or play with it. he would never admit it so it doesn’t happen often but when someone ruffs his hair up he doesn’t push them away

unironically listens to weezer.

he’s a hot head but he never lets his emotions get THAT out of hand

tells you the craziest things ever so nonchalantly, like he’ll tell you a story about how he hardly escaped with his life on one of his missions without a hint of any emotion and then is shocked when you show emotion over it

he loves coffee, he knows all the best coffee spots in tokyo, but he gatekeeps them. one time he brought you to this coffee shop/ bakery he really liked though and he is thinking about showing you another one of his spots

he has a crazy memory, like you mentioned liking a specific fast food place and he surprised you with your favorite food from said restaurant and a movie because you had a bad day.

he practically lives in track pants and sweat pants outside of his school uniform, most of his clothes are dark colors.

he actually has really big sweet tooth but tries to avoid too many sugary foods since it’s bad for him

he actually shops with nobara quiet often, he usually doesn’t buy much though.

he’s the type of guy to be like “¥25,000?? I can get this online for half that” even though he could easily afford the 25000.

-------------------౨ৎ---------------------

[sunnebeam]

"i always get the job done."

A 'PERKS OF BEING A HOUSEHUSBAND' DRABBLE.

pairing: min yoongi x reader

plot: the (mis)adventures of retired gangster min yoongi as he leaves behind the life of the mafia and navigates the way of the househusband.

warnings: the way of the househusband au, marriage au, crack, domesticity, yoongi being unironically romantic

masterlist + disclaimers.

note: tysm for all the love in the first drabble! here's more of househubby!yoongi & his badass wife,, as always, lemme know ur thoughts :>

You're stepping off the bus, having clocked out of work earlier than usual, when you see your husband strolling along the sidewalk with his signature apron on and a mesh tote bag on his shoulder.

"Yoonie!" you call out to him.

Your heels clack against the pavement as you run towards him. The bits of impact hurt your soles but you forget all about the pain when Yoongi kisses you on the forehead as soon as you reach him.

"You're early," he remarks, grabbing your hand and placing it on his bicep before walking the two of you to the direction he was going.

"Boss let us leave early," you explain, oblivious to the looks that other passersby are giving you and your husband.

("Is he a gangster?"

"He looks so scary!"

"What is he doing with that woman?"

"Is he kidnapping her?!")

It's when Yoongi leads you to a secluded alley that you realize you're not heading towards your home.

"Uh, Yoonie? Where are we going?"

Your husband smiles radically.

"You'll see."

He leads you through a bunch of twists and corners before finally arriving at an equally secluded shop. The dim lighting does nothing to deter him as he opens the squeaky door and leads you both inside.

"Ah, Yoongi," a deep rumble echoes as soon as you walk in. "You're back."

"Of course," your husband responds. "I did everything you told me to do."

Huh?

"Did you, now?" the voice taunts, and you can finally match a face to the voice when he steps into the light. "Are you sure you did everything?"

"I always get the job done. You know me, Seokjin."

The job?

The man called Seokjin sneers before nodding and heading to his shop's backroom, leaving you and your husband alone.

"Yoonie?" you call his name. "What's going on?"

"A gamble, darling," he tells you. "I'm making a gamble."

Your eyes widen. "What?! Are you—"

"Yoongi, are you ready?"

Seokjin emerges from the backroom with a big cork board in tow. The board is brightly decorated, divided into three sections each showing different...

"...prizes?" you think out loud. "Yoonie, what is all this?"

"A stamp scavenger hunt, darling," your husband explains in a no-nonsense tone as Seokjin hands him a dart. "I've collected ten stamps from ten different stores like Seokjin told me to."

Oh. Oh.

"Why didn't you just say so?" you laugh, nerves vanishing as you take a good look at the cork board. "Well, what's the prize?"

"Third place gets a cute plushie," Seokjin gives you the rundown. "Second place gets a self-cleaning robot vaccuum—"

("That's what I was hoping to get.")

"—and first place gets an all-expense paid trip for two to Jeju."

("Yoonie, forget the vaccuum. Get this!")

And so the gamble begins.

The three of you wait with bated breaths as Yoongi positions himself. His eyes are closed and he blows air on the blunt end of the dart as if it'll help. Opening his eyes, he takes a deep breath, swings his arm back lightly, then throws the dart.

It lands on third place.

"Oooooh! It looks so cute!" you squeal, taking the cute plushie from Seokjin and hugging it to your chest. "It looks like Holly!"

Your happy giggles flood the shop.

"Well, Yoongi," Seokjin tuts. "Sorry but..." He smirks. "Looks like you lost."

Your husband looks at you nuzzling the plushie in delight.

"You fool," Yoongi says, "haven't you realized by now?" Now he's the one smirking. "The true prize is seeing my beautiful wife's smile—"

"Yoonie! Stop embarrassing me!"

COPYRIGHT 2023. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

[theworldisadumpster]

The most inaccurate thing about Baldur's Gate 3 is that you know damn well that Gale wouldn't be roughing it. He's the kind of motherfucker that if and I mean IF you can convince him to go camping at all, would be pulling up in a damn motor home. He'd have a pocket dimension charm on that bitch so fast so when you step in ot's his whole ass tower, Mom, Tara, and house keepers to boot. As well as Elminster who'd somehow escaped his notice but is annoyingly in the way of his kitchen.

Y'all'd be putting a whole deer on the fire, and he'd step out of his camper with a four course meal and an evening robe. He's the type of motherfucker to sit by the fire and ask "Ah, nothing quite like the bracing cold of nature. Shall we carry on with the old camping traditions? A rousing tune about friendship conquering hardship? The rowing of a boat perhaps?" while lounging on a blanket with a glass of wine.

"Oh but he's in hiding, he wouldn't be using so much frivolous magic" you would cry

This is GALE DEKARIOS we're talking about here, motherfucker makes a northern lights show for himself every night, he can't keep his damn hands out of the weave cookie jar.

Dude is constantly getting his squishy wizard ass handed to him in battle, slipping on his own conjured ice and has his own personal life insurance tab with Withers. The companions also keep snack packs on them in case the orb gets hungry.

No way his tent doesn't open up with a full library, comfy chair and tea to boot.

"But too much exertion might explode us all!"

"He doesn't want to get made fun of by the other companions"

You really that his sheltered, mama's boy, groomed by a goddess, nerd ass CARES what the others think?? Yes, a lot, but he'd never admit it. He would also justify it as self care. ie "sleeping on a bedroll will destroy my back and I need to be in tip top shape" (you know he's unironically using tip top in a sentence, don't lie).

In conclusion he sleeps on a feather bed made of fucking magic while the rest of them lay in the dirt, no I will not be taking any criticisms.

[okiedokrie]

[12:22]

Summary: You weren’t really a fan of oral; your boyfriend, Junhui, treats this as a personal challenge.

Characters/Pairing: Wen Junhui (Jun) X F!Reader

Genre: Smut, Fluff, crack, porn without plot

AU/Trope info: Established relationship

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: Swearing, oral (fem receiving), nicknames (baby, babe, honey, love)

Rating: 18+

A/N: reupload from old blog, did not plagiarize, pastel blue divider by @okiedokreations

“YOU WHAT?!”

Junhui exclaimed in complete shock, extremely discombobulated, absolutely flabbergasted, at the sequence of words that left your lips at that moment. He felt backstabbed, betrayed that the love of his life would ever say such horrible things to him. He couldn’t believe his ears, and he prayed to the heavens to give him a sign that it was some sick and twisted joke, the thought of you being 100% serious and unironic made his stomach drop to his ass.

“Look, Jun, all I’m saying is that I just don’t like oral that much-” You try to calm him down, your boyfriend being one for the theatrics, one of the most dramatic people you’ve ever met in your life. He’s usually pretty calm about discussions in opinions, especially preferences in the bedroom, but apparently, your dislike of oral was his breaking point.

“You don’t understand- baby, how could you be so cruel to me?” His voice calmed down to a broken whisper, his eyes gazing over with a layer of tears as he dramatically wiped his non-existent tears with an ornately embroidered lacey silk handkerchief. (Where he got it is still a complete mystery.)

“Look, Junhui, if you’re really hung up about it I don’t mind participating if you really like it, it's just that if given the option, I wouldn’t miss oral all that much.” You say as you try to negotiate, this compromise only seemed to upset him more.

“But- but then you won't be enjoying it too! I want it to be enjoyable for both of us and I’ll feel really bad about it if you just do it to make me happy.” He said, still on the verge of tears.

“Hmm, okay fine, I’ll give you a chance to convince me to change my mind.” You say, finally, this seems to calm him down, looking up from his fancy handkerchief with a twinkle in his round boba eyes. You really can't resist him when he hits you with the twinkly, round boba eyes.

“Quick- take your pants off!”

You grip the sheets that rest under your palms as your shyness kicks in, so see the top of your boyfriend's head as you feel his hot palms glide down your thighs to rest on your knees, you make eye contact with him, the intensity of his look shot hot sparks down to your core. His hands grip your knees, gently prying them apart, the way he looked at your heat with such a heated and lustful gaze made you whine.

His pink tongue peeks out from between his plush lips, you feel a small gust of air when he moved closer to your pussy, his excited movement disturbing the air. You feel his hair and the warm skin of his cheeks tickles your inner thighs as he settles between them, still intensely looking at your cunt.

“I can’t believe you almost wouldn’t let me taste this.” He says lowly, his hot breath on your pussy making you clench around nothing, just then, he places a small, light peck on the hood of your clit, and you sigh, the tension of anticipation finally being released.

He continued placing light and wet kisses on your clit, each one met with a sigh or a moan, his warm hands still gripping your thighs as he savors your wetness on his lips.

He finally latches his lips on your clit, sucking on it softly, moaning when you thread your fingers through his hair with a tug, he breathes in, taking in your scent as his eyes roll back behind his head, almost making his eyes appear all white. He presses his face closer to your core, quickly losing all his composure as he loses himself in your taste.

His eyes glaze over in a lust-filed haze, he’s not thinking of anything else other than eating you like a starved man, kneeling before you in reverent worship of your pussy. His wet and rough tongue licks a fat, flat stripe up your slit as he moans again, from you tugging his locks again, and also seemingly getting off to eating you out.

You feel the tip of his tongue probing your entrance, your breath catching in the middle of a moan, anticipation brewing in your stomach for what’s to come next.

A gasp leads to a moan as his tongue finally penetrates you, his tongue extending to brush against the spongey spot inside of you, the tip of his skilled tongue curling up to brush and caress that spot with more pressure.

You’re not holding back anymore, gripping onto Junhui’s hair so tightly as if to anchor yourself, you hold him in place as you buck your hips into his face, his jaw going slack as he whines and moans, his eyelids hooding his eyes but you can see how blown-out his pupils are.

His head is pleasantly empty, he wants nothing more than to stay in that position forever.

He coaxes you into your first orgasm of the night, the tight cord inside you snapping in white-hot pleasure, your back arching off the sheet with a silent moan. Your vision blacking out from the intensity.

You can feel Junhui kissing along your inner thighs as you come back to earth, making eye contact with him, he gives you a lewd but soft smile, “I’m here love, come back to me, honey.” He whispers so softly into your skin, looking at your expression with a content smile. “You did so well for me, love.” His airy voice and words of praise sink into your skin, engulfing you in a warm and fuzzy glow as you look back down at your boyfriend, “Did I manage to change your mind?” He says, looking very proud of the mess he’s made of you, you only give him a suggestive smile back.

“It was good, but I don’t think you’ve convinced me yet. Could we go again?” You say, a bit out of breath but still cheeky. He gives you another elated smile, the kind that you see when he sees a street cat.

“I don’t mind that at all, lay down for me honey.”

[allfearstofallto]

What would Yuri (your yandere bulter OC) do if his lady had an arranged marriege and was meeting the person she was arranged to marry with?

(Y'all make me so happy I could die!! I've been unironically imagining this scenerio for months!!!)

Yandere! Male OC x Reader

“You're much too young to be wed,” Yuri whined softly as his cold finger tips helped you latch the clip of your necklace. A beautiful, pink gem nestled in the center of the neckware drew attention to your bare collar bone, the radiant skin of your chest, and the lovely smile you had just above it. Yet another piece of jewelry your mother had sent you from her travels, she had such a taste for things you liked, despite hardly being around.

You merely scoffed at his words, rolling your eyes in the tandum. While he tied your hair up, you dusted yourself with perfumed powder, staring at yourself the entire time, “You must be insane, Yuri. I'm actually past the average marrying age.”

That much was true. Girls of your status typically married much much younger, usually right after coming of age. Even you yourself received many letters begging for a chance to meet after your debutante, which Yuri would swiftly burn in your fire place when you expressed your distate. You had things holding you back. You longed for schooling, travel, and a the freedom of being young and not tied down. Both your father and Yuri took this news excitedly and never pushed for you to get wed. They both even excitedly told you that you'd never have to leave the manor and if you so pleased, you'd be pampered for the rest of your life.

It sounded nice in theory, living off of your fathers wealth and being a bachelorette until the day you died, but many women at your tea parties were talking about their prospects, fiances, and even their husbands, and suddenly you felt as if you could no longer relate anymore. And the even more harsh realization hit you, that you were lonely. You'd sit quietly at the table, sipping your tea nervously and realizing that maybe it was time for you to begin viewing romance in a different light, not as a hindrance chaining you down, but a new beginning in life.

Your father was expectedly saddened by your announcement and Yuri…well, Yuri’s expression was hard to read. He stood silently for a bit, his lips formed in a tight line, eyebrows starting to furrow a bit behind his thick, round glasses. It was a face you'd never seen him make before, him typically preferring laid back or soft expression.

“You can't actually be serious, my lady,” Yuri forced himself to not sound more hurt than he actually was, but if you listened closely, you could hear his voice tremble, “You always said you'd stay in the manor forever.”

You glanced at yourself once over again in your full body mirror, feeling shy and almost slightly over dressed in the gown you chose. It was such a strange feeling, the way your heart was thumping in your chest, and you couldn't tell if it was excitement or nerves. You could see Yuri behind you in your reflection, a frown still formed on his lips.

“I said that when I was eight! You can't trust the words of a child,”

Yuri sighed again, pushing his snow, white hair out of his face in a sign of stress. A stress reflex that you seldom saw him do. Yuri was a man that was so calm and composed, yet today he was showing so much anxiety. And for what, you'd didn't know.

“Then what of me? This man you're meeting, he's the Duke two cities over. I am here to serve you, my lady, won't I go with you?”

“I'd hate to uproot your life, Yuri,” you began with a sad tone. You couldn't fathom the idea that he could look any sadder, yet as you spoke, his face fell even farther, “B-but mother will be home shortly! She sent a letter saying that it will only be a few more weeks, you could still stay in the manor and tend to her instead.”

Your suggestion is met with a shallow, solemn shake of his head, “You are my life, my lady. I wish to serve no one else.”

[emilys-bangs]

we were wild and fluorescent (come home to my heart) | emily prentiss x reader

Tags: established relationship, rockstar!emily, no use of yn, use of petnames, smoking, fluff

Summary: You’re your girlfriend’s muse. She writes a song about you.

Word count: 2.6k

inspired by this post

Emily Prentiss is captivating. She has the world on its knees with a blink of deep brown eyes, has the strings of fate at her mercy with a tilt of red lips and a flash of dimples. On the stage, she reigns over people’s hearts, capturing them with a riff of her electric guitar, a toss of her raven hair back as she dances to her own music.

She’s gorgeous and alluring and unattainable, flitting past people’s extended hands with sly smiles. The envy of fellow artists and the dream of every youth, her pictures are hung up on walls, her songs continually hummed on tongues, her talent dissected by critics whom she blows away with a few honeyed lyrics. 

Her image is striking; with her cherry red guitar and her bold eyeliner and her leather jackets that barely brush the bottom of her ass. She wears silver rings on fingers with bitten nails and has small, colorful tattoos littering her body and takes pictures of her cat more often than of herself, so much so that Sergio has unironically and unexpectedly become her mascot, another unique brand on her already formidable name.

On the stage she’s untouchable, dressed in black and red and leather, a sheen of sweat making her glow, the darkness of her eyes made darker by the liner she draws on her skin. She’s a wild, electric thing in front of the crowds, buzzing with intensity, brimming with energy, larger than life.

And she’s all yours.

“Hi, dolcezza.”

Her body crashes into yours. She’s warm, the scent of her perfume mixing with the clean scent of her sweat. It’s a mix you’re well acquainted with, one that feels like home. The rougher quality of her voice makes your stomach swoop as you hug her back and ignore the buzz of backstage, the eyes drawn to your girlfriend—and consequently, you. 

“Hi, Em.” A smile lights up your face as she nuzzles into your neck, her fingers twisting in your shirt. She always claims she misses you after a show. “You were amazing up there.” You murmur, squeezing the leather-clad skin of her hips.

Emily glows, her eyes brightening at your praise. “It felt great,” she breathes. Her tongue skips over her lips, her cheeks flushed from the heat and adrenaline. There’s always a certain buzz to her after she performs, an incandescence that outlines her in gold. There are stars in her eyes, lightning in the curve of her lips. 

She’s radiant.

Emily takes you back home and heightens her high, pressing you into her mattress and drowning in your skin, your scent, the beat of your heart. Her fingers wander over your collarbone and the line of your jaw, lips pressing against yours to swallow the sweet sounds you’re unable to hold back. She’s always like this after a show—if exhaustion doesn’t pull her under—needy for you and determined to spend hour after hour imprinting the feel of you onto her skin.

When you’re both sated and your legs have turned into jelly, she coaxes you into the shower. There you press her against the tiles and taste the water off her skin before gently, reverently washing away the sweat of the night from her body, using careful fingers and jasmine soap.

After the shower you dress in an oversized shirt and she wears a satin short pajama set, the material slipping over the marble of her counter as she lifts herself onto it and watches you make her the usual drink after every show; chamomile tea with honey. Making it has become a routine, something to soothe her throat and ease her into sleep after a night of pumping adrenaline and burning it off.

Emily watches you prepare her tea. Your movements are light and practiced as you slip your way through the kitchen, the socks on your feet softening your steps. She hears you hum out a familiar tune over the rumble of the kettle—a song of hers, she then realizes, biting her lip to hide a smile as you pour the hot water into a mug.

As you stand there, your wet hair soaking your shirt, lashes casting shadows on your cheeks as you steep the tea and squeeze in a generous amount of honey, she feels the light of inspiration hit her, swift and sudden as lightning. Lyrics form in her head, uncoordinated and incomplete, but the more she looks at you the more they rush forward.

“Oh,” she breathes, sliding off the counter and rushing to grab a notebook, a piece of paper, anything to write the words down on before they disappear.

“Em?” You call out after her, brows knotting together at her sudden departure. From the kitchen you can see her rummaging for something in the living room, damp hair falling across her shoulders. 

“Hey, everything alright?” You ask as you walk into the living room, the mug of tea forgotten. Emily doesn’t respond. 

When you see the notebook in her hands, it all makes sense. Her lip is between her teeth as she raises her index finger, an indication for you to shut up while she frantically scribbles something. With a fond smile and a roll of your eyes, you oblige and go back to fetch her tea, setting it on the coffee table in front of her before sitting next to her on the couch. 

You sink back on the cushions and watch her in silence, smiling at the way she stares off into the distance. She taps her pen in a quick pattern on the side of her notebook, her gaze distant and glassy; you can almost see the gears turn in her head. Then she perks up, her eyes brightening with a familiar spark as she returns to writing vigorously, her hand flying across the paper. 

She’s lost in her own world by this point. Smiling, you rise and kiss the top of her head, lips lingering on her raven hair before you flit about the living room in search of your pack of cigarettes. If Emily’s writing, you know it’ll be a long night.

Finally locating the pack and slipping a cigarette between your lips, you light it and pad back to the couch, socks slipping on the floorboards as the smoke exits your mouth with a low exhale.

Unsurprisingly, Emily is still bent over her notebook, though now she rests her back on the couch and gazes down thoughtfully at the words rather than writing manically. You smile and pick up her discarded tea, nudging it into her hand.

“Drink.”

She obliges, her smile disappearing beneath the rim of the mug when she brings it to her lips. Her eyes meet yours over it as she drinks and you blow out another puff of smoke, before darting down to the notebook. Emily picks up the pen again and scrawls a few lines. She settles the mug precariously on her thigh and holds out her hand without looking up.

Rolling your eyes, you hand her your cigarette.

The two of you share it back and forth as you lean over her shoulder, peeking at her lyrics despite her initial, displeased grunt. When you nuzzled your nose into her cheek, however, and let your lips ghost over her jaw, she relaxed and stayed silent. 

Moments like these always feel special, like there’s something big cresting right over your heads, something life changing, earth shattering, even when it starts as nothing more than words on paper. You feel the magic in the air, feel Emily’s genius and her passion and her love for her craft as she labors over songs with furrowed eyebrows, tweaking and editing until everything is just right.

A few crossed out lines and torn out pages later, she has a complete song. The cigarette has long since been stubbed out and Emily’s mug is drained, the tea bag drying in a tiny pool of leftover chamomile. You read over her shoulder, a light blush on your cheeks at the words Emily has written, for you.

“That’s really good, Em.” You say softly and run your fingers through a few strands of her hair, tucking it behind her ear so you can kiss her cheek. Her dimple appears beneath your lips.

“Mm, let’s see how it sounds on the guitar.” She turns and catches your lips in a quick kiss before extracting herself from your arms.

And the two of you stay up until night starts blending into day, your legs crossed on the couch as Emily tries out riffs and tunes, sings out her lyrics with high pitches and lows. The exhaustion of the day doesn’t register in either of your bodies as you go through the song with her, offering your opinions and your praise, your cheeks heating until they’re close to the color of her guitar. It makes your heart pound, how her love for you produced something tangible, something you could almost hold in both your palms. 

She titles the song and writes down the notes, noting the highs and lows, where she softens her voice to almost a whisper and where she lets it build into a strong cadence, aided by the grit in the back of her throat. By the time your girlfriend sets aside her notebook and guitar it’s somewhere near three in the morning, the whole world asleep except for the two of you.

You’ve witnessed this very process of creating countless times, and yet it never ceases to blow you away. Sometimes it happens over days, sometimes weeks; but sometimes she’s lucky and it takes only hours.

“That was amazing, Emily.” You tell her, your voice hushed with awe. She has your legs over her lap, one of her hands lightly resting on your ankle bone.

Emily sighs softly. “You’re my muse, dolcezza.” She murmurs, her voice like silk in your ears. “The air in my lungs and the light in my soul.” She takes your jaw in her hand and kisses you, slow, as your cheeks burn.

Her hands squeeze your waist, wander over the bare skin of your thighs. The coarse calluses on her fingertips scrape over your skin and you shiver. Emily pulls away, staying just close enough to keep your lips touching, her forehead resting against yours. 

“Still in writer mode?” You try to tease, the words escaping breathily against her mouth.

“Always in writer mode when I’m with you.” She replies, taking your lips in another kiss.

Though security stands guard outside, though the cook sleeps quietly upstairs, in this moment, it’s just you and her.

——

By the time her next show rolls around, she’s perfected the song.

“Stay still,” you murmur, a chiding tone to your voice as you finish up Emily’s makeup. “And keep your eyes closed.” She just had to start getting jittery during the eyeliner.

“Sorry.” She stills, her hands lightly grabbing for your waist, but her lips turn up at the corners. Backstage, she’s careless about hiding her affection for you, quite openly calling you nicknames and linking your fingers through hers—not that you mind in the slightest. You shake your head, smiling in half fondness, half exasperation as you sharpen her wing. 

The reason for her abundant excitement is obvious. She’d been going over her new song—editing it, recording it at the studio, singing out the lyrics at odd times—and tonight she’ll be releasing it out into the open for the first time. A similar excitement runs through your veins, but you steady your hand as you cap the eyeliner and take out her lipstick.

Sometimes she has time for this. Time to brush away her makeup artist and take you by the hand instead, her grin bashful and sly all at once as she asks you to do her makeup instead. You never say no, knowing that the possibility of her passing out after a show is a big one.

“All done.” You wipe gently at a smudge of lipstick on the corner of her mouth.

Emily’s eyes flutter open. “How do I look?” She grins, the action carving two dimples into her cheeks.

Unfairly gorgeous. In this moment, you almost resent the crowd waiting for her just outside. But you smile and brush her dark hair away from her face. You’ll have her after. 

“Perfect as ever.” You wink. 

Emily takes your hand and kisses your knuckles, her lips catching on one of the rings adorning your fingers. Your breath hitches as her eyes meet yours, dark and lovely as she says, “Thank you, mi amor.” Dropping your hand, she cups your jaw instead and kisses your cheek. “I’ll be sure to treat you extra well when we get home, hmm?”

Your skin heats. Before you can grab her hip and keep her close, someone calls for her—five minutes till show time. She steps back, her lips leaving your skin, the warmth of her replaced by the cold air of backstage. 

Emily winks, “See you on the other side.”

“Blow me a kiss.” You tease.

She throws you a salute and you laugh, barely getting time to look after her retreating from before one of the organizers ushers you to a sectioned off area in front of the stage, in clear view of Emily.

When she appears between fog and strobing lights, her fans go wild. Her dress tonight is red, short and swathed in black lace, her leather jacket falling off one shoulder and exposing pale, ivory skin. When she starts strumming her guitar, falling into the music, her lips tilt into the familiar smile, slow and just for her before she widens it and directs it to the screaming crowd.

She makes two hours feel like a matter of minutes. Though Emily is alone on the stage, she embodies the whole space, controlling it with tosses of her hair and shakes of her hips and strums of her guitar. More than once she strays to the edge, close enough to touch you, her lashes fluttering in the faintest wink when your eyes meet. It makes you sickeningly giddy, your heart jumping each time she smiles at you, though it’s hardly new.

“Tonight,” she drawls into her microphone after her last song, the rasp of her voice quieting down the crowd, “I’ll be singing a song I wrote for a special someone. You know who you are.” Her eyes meet yours and she winks, deliberately, just enough that some girls shift in front of you, thinking she meant it to them.

Emily eventually tears her eyes away, but they keep straying back to you as she sings her new song—your song—the butterflies in your stomach growing wild each time she smiles at you and looks away, her struggle in looking somewhere else clear as day.

When the concert ends you bound to backstage once more, waiting impatiently for your girlfriend to arrive. A smile breaks across your face when she does, guitar slung over one shoulder, her hair mussed and fluffy, her makeup somehow perfectly intact. A matching smile tugs at her mouth as she pulls you gently from the guitar pick that hangs around your neck—one of her favorites, strung through a chain—and kisses you hungrily, a maddening, dizzying juxtaposition of controlling lips and tender hands that makes your brain fog.

“I’m yours,” Emily whispers, her mouth swollen and pink, her eyes nearly darkened to black. “Only ever yours.” Her fingers tangle in your shirt again, twisting, twisting.

You smile. 

“Mine.”

taglist: @suckerforcate

Reblogs and comments mean the world! Please let me know what you think <3

[satorusluver]

JJK men and petnames

Nobody asked for this, but here are the pet names I think the JJK men would call you (and also a couple other fluffy thoughts):

Gojo Satoru - Satoru LOVES petnames and basically never calls you by your actual name. It's always baby, honey or sweetie, but he also likes to call you cringier names like sweetcheeks (and no he is not referring to the ones on your face), hot stuff, future wife. Fr though he absolutely and completely unironically starts calling you wifey once you've been together for awhile even if you aren't married yet. Loves when you call him hubby back. Will do that thing where he thinks he's in trouble if you call him by his actual name because he's so used to you calling him honey or baby instead.

Nanami Kento - He is pretty reserved when it comes to petnames. If other people are around, he'll just call you your name (unless he sees Satoru get too flirty with you, in which case he'll come up behind you, rest his hand on your lower back and greet you with a "hello, darling" to subtly remind Satoru to back off), but when you two are alone he almost always calls you sweetheart, darling, or dear. Sometimes in the morning when he's feeling cuddly and sentimental to have you next to him he'll call you his angel while he pulls you into his arms and kisses your forehead oh my god I'm soft.

Geto Suguru - I don't think he's that big on petnames actually, but he does call you babe, and sometimes princess when he's teasing you. But I think he mostly shows his affection in "practical" ways -acts of service like doing little things to show that he's thinking of you or helping you with a task, or by talking about the future and making plans with you in mind.

Fushiguro Toji - Whatever you have with him, it's not gonna be high commitment (if you've seen the Barbie movie, you're basically his Long Term, Long Distance, Low Commitment, Casual Girlfriend lol). He also sometimes calls you babe and princess -especially if you're at least a few years younger than him, again mostly to tease you. He might even call you "little girl" if you're short and/or years his junior just to get under your skin. He likes when you give him an attitude back. But his other pet names have to do with how physically attractive he thinks you are, so he'll call you "beautiful" or even "sexy." Will absolutely greet you with a "hey, sexy" when he shows up at your door probably for a booty call.

Kamo Choso - This man is soo sweet, he thinks you're the light of his life and will tell you as much. He mostly refers to you as my love or just "love", but sometimes also sweetheart and darling. That being said, I think his love language is more physical touch than anything else (although more subtly than Satoru, who would be all over you all of the time if he could). He loves to walk arm in arm with you when you're out together and will frequently give you pecks on the cheek out of the blue.

[whorbidmore]

okay, so, I've fallen victim to the leon kennedy brainrot steadily overtaking me, following me from Tumblr to Pinterest, to Instagram and even the absolutely fucking dreaded application of TikTok. I don't even use it that often??? and the algorithm is just like 'wow, yeah, this little fuckers gay as hell send in the 40 year old meow meow!!' and having watched Death Island fairly recently, I'm gonna have my opinions on what this dude would be like. Cus my brain loves to rationalize shit and think ab 'what if this mf was someone real?' so... fuck it.

Leon Soft Kennedy Headcanons

SFW

accidentally bigoted. - im sorry but let's be so fucking real here. he's a 40 something year old man who spent the majority of his life in either the military, a police training academy in the 90's, or otherwise working under the U.S Federal System with minimal/no time between missions to unpack absolutely everything he's got going on... the guys gonna have some problematic tendencies. Obviously that doesn't mean he means any of that or is incapable of change, etc. etc., but I know for damn certain this dude would laugh a little at Bill Burr's borderline to blatantly misogynistic material and has probably chuckled unironically at the attack helicopter jokes. But, he's not a complete dick, and would definitely become more critical of those kinds of jokes if it's pointed out to him.

honest to God, Dad Without Kids™ - it's not simply enough for me to leave it at 'but it's the vibes!!' so, I'm gonna break this shit down. Leon is absolutely Gen X incarnate. I can fucking guarantee you that on his off days he accidentally ends up dressing as an undercover cop; I'm talking cargo shorts, light blue button up, those fucking standard issue boots cus "they're perfectly good shoes" and those stupid ass sunglasses... you know the ones I'm talking about. Let's say you're living with him, right? And you're... you, and you wanna watch something on TV. This dude would strain himself getting up like a turtle fallen backwards on its shell, stand up, walk right in front of the TV screen and stand there with his hands on his hips. It doesn't matter that he had to piss, he needs to get a better look of what's happening! Does those really loud, obnoxious coughs and sneezes, absolutely blows his back out doing one at least five times a year.

Only watches British Reality TV - Considering he's canonically a film buff, I'll say that this is purely for whatever he gravitates towards on general streaming services. I honestly don't see him being the type to regularly tune in to standard American cable TV, or only does so under specific circumstances like American Ninja Warrior or maybe Forged in Fire if there's absolutely nothing else. It's not something that's exclusive to Americans, — I'm from New Zealand and I do this too, — but Leon absolutely falls into the category of watching British Reality and Game shows purely because of the accents. I'm talking Jeremy Kyle, The Big Fat Quiz of Everything, Taskmaster, The Great British Bake Off and so on and so forth. It doesn't matter that baking isn't his forté or a passion of his, if Josephine curdles her buttercream by over mixing, his hands are in his hair in utter disappointment. 100% tries to mimic their accents too. We all do it, don't lie.

Has... very dated music tastes - I don't know if you could guess, but the last paragraph included me calling myself out and name dropping some shows I watch anyway or grew up watching, and I'm just saying that this is gonna be no different. If anything? This'll be worse! Since I'm very passionate about the music I listen to and have the inability to keep my interests separated from the other, of course my love of particular bands will bleed over into my interpretation of Leon's character! Anyway, all that for me to say that Leon fucking LOVES 90's grunge musicians, specifically Pearl Jam and Soundgarden, as well as early nu metal bands like Korn (their dubstep phase did not happen.), TOOL, and Rage Against the Machine — and no, he unfortunately doesn't see the irony of him being a fed and listening to Rage, — but would also have a soft spot for psych rock, post-punk and shoegaze. My man's definitely laid awake at night, sobbing without expression as he struggles to accept that Ada never really wanted him like he wanted her while listening to fucking Slowdive. My hottest take here is that he doesn't really listen to Deftones. Like he'll occasionally blast My Own Summer, Change, Bored or Rosemary, but anything outside of those? He just didn't listen to 'em. My second hottest take is that he does NOT like Slipknot, which kind of pains me 'cus I do, but I fucking bet you this dude would actually adopt one piece of "Gen Z lingo" or whatever just call them cringe. Though admittedly he would've been jamming the fuck out to Psychosocial and The Devil in I when they came out. Went off the deep end in Vendetta, obviously, and drunk-cried himself to sleep on the couch listening to Linkin Park.

Very confusing spending habits - On one hand, we all understand that Leon came from money, — he was implied to have been born into a mob family from my understanding? And I doubt he'd ever really had to worry about being fully, irrevocably broke, — but I'm sure that growing up in the U.S Foster Care System made him at least a little more cautious of where his money comes from, where it's going, what he's spending it on, etc. So, on the one hand, he's apprehensive to spend recklessly, particularly on perishables. But also, if he can drop over $100,000USD on a motorcycle that got absolutely fucking cheese grated into the road, and spend a perceived, metric fuck ton of money on designer leather jackets and massive watches, it's gonna be hard for me to call him 'financially conscious'. On one hand, he gets apprehensive on spending more money than he needs to on food since he's "just gonna shit it out later", but if he sees a cool watch or a nice suit in a shop window? Money's suddenly not an issue! Not because he's materialistic, but because the one thing he really maintains a sense of control over in his life are his possessions and the way he dresses. The D.S.O can call him in for another months long mission whenever they please, and all he can realistically do is allow the government to tug on his leash and put him where he's needed. He may as well spend their money on things he wants!

Gets out... enough? But also, not really? - So, personally I've pegged Leon as more of an introverted person, — amateurly typed his MBTI as possibly ISFJ? — so he doesn't really feel the need to go out and meet new people or really hang out with anyone. If somebody invites him out? Sure, he'll go. Otherwise, it rarely occurs to him to meet up with friends or colleagues at a cafe or anywhere. I think he'd prefer to just go there alone, mostly for the sake of having somebody else cook for him as opposed to actively seeking out the atmosphere. It's pure convience in his mind. And remember when I said in the beginning about him accidentally being at least a little misogynistic? Yeah, that was me trying to say that he regularly tries to hit on younger waitresses. Not because he actually wants anything to do with them, but simply because it's an ego boost. He likes that he can make girls half his age blush or offer him their numbers, because it tells him that he's still desirable, and ultimately, that gives him the power to reject them politely and go about the rest of his day. If they don't reject him first, of course. Admittedly, Leon's audacity towards women peaked during Infinite Darkness.

Since I'm planning on posting more NSFW headcanons for this guy, — and more NSFW kinds of posts, — here is the obligatory Minors DNI attachment. For your own safety, I don't care if what I have to say is tame so far, you can hold it off I promise.

[samheughanswife]

Sam

Sam was in his element. With friends, Steve and comfortable in the auditorium.

Refreshed from a week of sun,sand and sea. Add in off the socials grid. No random blondes in bikinis, or the gym blonde rats at the North Bondi open gym breathing the same sea air as him instantly given a nickname and assumed bumping curlies.

He shared that he had a session with the famous Bondi Beach lifeguards. He was encouraged to dive off the rocks at the South end of the beach- Bondi. He shared he had never dived in his life( sure that’s not true, just not into the Pacific Ocean) He was shown how to swim back to shore in a rip, ( that’s what drowns people not understanding how to get out of a rip). And generally living a beachside life. He joked that he didn’t sleep in the sand, he had a house (?? 👀).

Loves 🇦🇺. Not the snakes he revealed to an answer re the snakebite episode. Met all the famous animals. And shared that he felt the walk to the top of the bridge more now than when he did it eight years ago ( doubt that). Mentioned the bars he hit up and the restaurants.

A week well spent. As you all have seen he has the tan to show for it.

Two afternoons were lost to late summer thunderstorms. What did he do then?!

He answered the expected questions regarding the end of OL. He is ready to say goodbye. He has been in discussion regarding work. He wants to continue to travel after the S8 wrap.

Mentioned going to Everest and working on getting distribution in 🇦🇺 for SS. And other countries.

Shared a tidbit that when he went to the studio his “things” had been moved for a new younger cast. All tongue in cheek. Said he is looking for to BOMB.

This was a contented man. It was all easy conversation and engagement with just under 945 fans. The auditorium capacity is 945 and there were about 20 empty seats.

He did not bring up the spirits unless asked. He didn’t have a bottle on stage. That bag on the table was Steve’s- with a drink bottle in it and a place to put the discarded written questions. He was not selling his booze, he was riffing. Laughing and just being relaxed.

Asked about Caitriona ( got to say that the audience was a Sam only) and he discussed her getting prepped for directing. Said they had FT her the night before, all the guys and showed her what she was missing. He said how much they had shared and that really “ THEY WERE LIKE BROTHER AND SISTER” ✅ ✅. Crowd liked that.

He said that it will be difficult working away the final time. Very poignant. But he said he is ready.

The rest was the same questions and answers. The event organizers said there will be a USB to buy. So the rest will be there for those who will buy and then share here.

I’ve been told that on the soulless account comments have said that the guys were disheveled and looked unwashed. BULLSHIT. All their clothes were ironed( I am that woman who judges unironed clothes. Sam had ironed his T-shirt and pants. His hair was not oily. And his eau de parfum was that of a man who had showered early and had used deodorant. Those hollow jealous haters were truly reaching for something- anything.

I’m guessing that the Melbourne audience will be just as thrilled and appreciative of the chance to be in conversation with the OL lads. There is a song from one of my teenage favourite 🇦🇺 band Australian Crawl. It’s called The Boys Light Up. It’s the perfect song for the fun day yesterday. The boys did light up.

[remidiy]

We Don't Gatekeep Art Resources | A Comprehensive List

Here's a list of some of the tools/sites I currently use or have used previously for works/studies. I'll separate it into Software/Utility, Reference, and 'Other' which will be just general things that could help you map out things for your experience with art. **[Free highlighted in pink, paid highlighted in green. Blue is variable/both. Prices Listed in USD]**

Software/Utility:

2D

Krita Painting app (PC) (my main digital art software on PC for 5+ yrs)

Clip Studio Paint [PC] [CSP 2.0+ allows for 3d modelling within the painting app and a lot of other cool features] [apparently allows up to 6 months free trial]

Procreate (12.99) [iPad/iPad Pro] (the GOAT)

Artstudio Pro [iPad/iPad Pro] (An alternative to Procreate if you enjoy the more traditional art app layout) -- I find this app handy when Procreate is lacking a feature I need, or vice versa. (you can easily transfer files between the two, but keep in mind Procreate's layer limit)

2D "Collaborative Painting/Drawing apps"

Magma Studio

Drawpile

Discord Whiteboard

Gartic Phone (Pretty decent for 2d animation practice, but has a hard limit on frames)

3D

Blender [3D Modelling, Sculpting + Layout] (PC)

Sculptris [PC] (it's an old unsupported version of Zbrush, but can help to get ideas out, and functions better than browser sculpting apps

Nomad Sculpt [iPad/iPad Pro] ($20) Works pretty well if you prefer a mobile setup, but it is a bit intense on the battery life and takes some getting used to

References + Study

Magic Poser [ PC and Mobile ] Has both free and paid versions, I've made do with just the lite version before

Artpose ($9.99) [Iphone + Steam]

Head Model Studio [IPhone] A 3D head, with both a basic blockout version for angles, and a paid version with more detail

Cubebrush [simply search "[keyword] pose reference pack"], they usually have good results + they frequently have sales!

Line of Action [Good for Gesture practice + daily sketching], also has other resources built in.

Quickposes Similar to Line of action, more geared toward anatomy

Drawabox | Perspective Fundamentals Improvement modules (Suggested by @taffingspy )

Sketchfab, this skull in particular is useful, but there is other models that can help you study anatomy as well.

Pinterest can be good, you just have to be careful, usually you're better off just finding reference pack if you have the money, sometimes certain creators have freebies as well

Artstation Marketplace can be decent [make sure to turn on the Aye-Eye filter so it doesn't feed you trash], a colleague of mine recommended this head model for practicing facial blocking, there is also this free version without lighting.

Local Art Museums [Unironically good for studying old "master work" if you're into that, or even just getting some inspiration]

Brushes + Other Useful software:

I personally have used both of these brush packs before making my own

(I actually don't know how to share my daily brush set because I frequently switch between Krita, Procreate, and ASP, but once I figure that out I'll be sure to do that lol)

Marc Brunet's Starter brush pack [Technically free but supporting him for this if you like it is ideal, there's some good brushes]

Dave Greco Brush Pack [$3]

Gumroad in general is a good place to find brushes and art resources. *Note; for Krita specifically, brush packs are a bit weird, so it may require you to find different packs, or import them in a particular way

PureRef [PC] - Reference Compiler/Moodboarding

VizRef ($3.99) [iPad] - Moodboarding/Reference Compiler

Artist Youtubers/Creators that helped me improve/guide me along as a self-taught artist from when I first started digital art to where I am today:

Proko

Marco Bucci

Sinix Design

Sycra

Hardy Fowler

Lighting Mentor

Winged Canvas

Moderndayjames

Swatches

Chommang_drawing

Marc Brunet (YTartschool)

+ Observing a lot of speedpaint art by people whose work I enjoy on social media/youtube, trying to dissect their processes

If you've gotten this far, first of all, congrats, you can read a lot, and second of all, thank you for reading and I hope this helps! I'll continue to come back and update this if I find any new resources in the future, or if my processes change :)

Much Love,

-Remidiy

[lowkeyrobin]

MCYT ; you ride a bike

includes ; tommyinnit, ranboo, badlinu, nihachu, & quackity

warnings ; language

I love passenger princessing my mom on her trike so here's this

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

he's absolutely mortified to get on the back with you at first

you convince him to just ride him around the neighborhood nice and slow and he over time gets used to it because you suggest going short distances on it rather than taking a bus and stuff

he grows on it though

his helmet has some stickers on it, one literally says tommyinnit.store in bold font 💀💀💀

either holds on the sidebars thatre there for him to hold or around your waist

he finds the wind against him therapeutic

the butterflies when you turn around and ask if he's okay, especially when it's dark and cold

constantly snapping jack, freddie & tubbo pictures of him on your bike/riding around with you/where you go

posts a lot of pictures on his Instagram

most of them are you & the scenery

"do you wanna learn how to drive a bike?"

"no???"

he unironically loves shouting at shit drivers who cut you off or try to get you killed

"WATCH IT ASSHOLE! YOU ALMOST GOT US KILLED, USE A BLINKER NEXT TIME!"

loves going over bridges

if he has somewhere to be after a ride, he'll gladly show up with his hair a mess and ass hurting since you need to put a few more pounds of air in his seat LMAO

"okay, so-"

"Tommy, why are you limping?"

RANBOO

he's 50/50 on being scared and wanting to get on with you

they man up and just do it after lots of reassuring

so many pictures lmao

litters his helmet with stickers and white marker doodles

has a sticker of the boober particle + one that just says ranboo.fashion in comic sans

he finds the air against him very therapeutic

loves going down backroads and finding new restaurants

always taking pictures, mostly of you

loves wearing his R800 jacket cause it keeps him warm + free promo

makes "I'll jump off rn" jokes

likes spreading his arms out like an eagle and will yell over the engine LMAO

loves bumps even though they'll hurt immediately after

FREDDIE BADLINU

you ask if he wants to come and he shrugs with a yeah

his first ride was at night so he got to enjoy all the lights and night life

takes a bunch of pictures and videos and sends them to Bill or Tommy

changes his insta bio to "my biker partners passenger prince" + bonus points if that's how he softlaunches your relationship

convinces you to go through a drive thru

eating lunch in the sun was a 10/10, will do it again

takes some cute pictures at stops/lights where he's leaning onto you a bit and he holds the phone in front of you to get both of you

wears dumbass hoodies/jackets w the dumb shit on the back to make ppl look at him weird or smile a bit

he'll show up to Tommy's live show (part of the bit) with messy hair and come on stage and tommy will look at him confused

Freddie asks him what's wrong and tommy just points and circles around his hair and the crowd laughs

"I was with my partner"

cue the laughing

"wait what?" Tommy laughs

"we were riding around the city before we got here, sorry"

NIKI NIHACHU

she thinks it's so cool, trust me

but like Tommy, she's very nervous to get on at first

you take her for a little ride around a parking lot and she's like "Okay I liked that let's actually go now"

her helmet has all sorts of stickers on it, but they're placed to look cool

there's a snake hide looking one down the middle and some cool patterned ones on the sides

she loves the wind in her hair and the feeling of being free

loves taking pictures of the scenery and even using you as a model

loves posting those pictures online for her fans to see

her editor fans always edit the pictures you two take together when you're out and about and whatnot it's so cool

you custom made her a leather jacket that fit her aesthetic

and she's super attached to it

she'll change her insta bio to "that one biker chicks girlfriend" LMAO

she spoils you like you're the one with the large social media platform its adorable

ALEX QUACKITY

"SINCE WHEN THE HELL DID YOU RIDE A BIKE???"

he thinks it's really badass tho

he'll gladly jump on with you

he's honestly scared after getting on but loses the fear pretty quickly

lovesss holding his arms out like a bird it's so fun to him

constantly asking you to tighten his helmet LMFAO

he finds it really entertaining in general

although if he's not wearing a full face covering helmet and wearing one of the head covering ones, you'll have to listen to his wailing later

his hair isn't long enough to completely pull back and the wind obviously tangles it up bad

so you gotta sit him down and try and carefully like de-matte his hair

he loves taking pictures and posting them tho, especially ones of you LMAO

sometimes he'll go the extra mile to give it a corny caption too

you change his insta bio to "passenger prince of the year"

always feels a little special and giggly when you ask if he's okay, especially when it's getting darker and much colder

"I told you to just wear the-"

"I know! please just do it for me! it hurts!"

"either grow your hair out or wear the other, lex"

[cyberrose2001]

RID 15 verse. A shy girl (around Sideswipes age in Earth years) has a MASSIVE crush on Sideswipe since he saved her from a kidnapping attempt. She's a delicate, princess-like (in a good way, she grew up rather sheltered) human whose fashion and aesthetic is pastel/cute core and wants to explore outside of her overprotective elder sister's (BB's future s/o) limits, and empathizes with Sideswipe due to that. Sideswipe really likes her too but doesn't think she'd want someone like him for obvious reasons but doesn't realize that they are both pining for each other(No official confessions yet!)

She's inspired to be more assertive and bolder thanks to him and he tries to slow down (a LITTLE.) for her. They go on joyrides together and she just absolutely has the time of her life every time!

Can the scenario just be them just going on one of said joyrides together in the quarry and they're bonding? (SFW pls!)

TF:RID 15 Sideswipe x human!fem!reader

for some reason I had 'The Night Is Still Young' by Nicki Minaj in my head while I wrote this, and it kinda suits tbh

anyway, sorry for the long wait! my first time writing for Sideswipe too, and I hope I did your request some justice

Warnings: None, sfw, small mention of mild past trauma

Word count: 1,187

"Woohoo!" You giggle in delight, sticking your head out the window as Sideswipe zooms around the quarry, kicking up plumes of dust behind him. The echo of his engine and his chuckles reverbing off the cliffs above you.

It was just the two of you, and you prefer it that way. No overprotective sister, no one nagging in your ear constantly, and most importantly, no limits. The only limit is how hard Sideswipe can put his accelerator on the floor, which you've learned is never enough.

"You better hold onto something, Y/n-" Sideswipes Autobot symbol lights up on his steering wheel before it jolts to the side, and he slams on the brakes.

He drifts near a wall, nearly throwing you onto the other side of his cab if it weren't for the seatbelt that fits too snuggly around your waist. You laugh in delight; a real belly laugh as your hands grip his dashboard as he proceeds to do doughnuts.

"Heheh," Sideswipe's laugh trails off, his engine humming softly, "How's that for a joyride, huh?"

Sideswipe chuckles with you, spinning around and around as much as his momentum can spin him, listening to your giggles and eyeing the toothy grin on your face. He eventually comes to a stop, his spark growing warm at the pure happiness you exude. How happy he makes you.

You giggle breathlessly, a hand running through your wind-swept hair as the adrenaline dissipates from you.

"Yeah, whew! That was so much fun!" You brush your white plaid skirt out, ironing the kinks with your hands once you brush your hair back in place.

"Yeah?" Sideswipe teases, revving his engine a little, "We gotta do this more often, Princess."

A slight blush graces your face at his pet name for you, turning your face away so he doesn't see.

The thing is, you've had a relatively large crush on the red speedster for a long time. The nickname 'Princess' was a name he had jokingly given you when he had unexpectedly saved you from getting snatched up by some random gang in Crown City, and you were definitely not strong enough to fight them off.

Though you were scared for your life at that moment, the least scariest part of that night was when the giant robot swooped in to scare them off. A knight in metallic armour, unironically. Since then, even after he had offered you and your (against her better judgment) older sister a place for protection under secrecy from the rest of the world, the nickname stuck.

Though, you don't know if it's because he likes to tease, or if it's because he likes you. He couldn't possibly want a human that way, could he? A question you have stewed on for a long time and always think about in the most inappropriate moments to be in your thoughts. Like right now.

"Hey, you alright, Princess? Didn't scare you too much, did I?" Sideswipe drags you from your thoughts, and he watches as you blink a few times, returning to the present.

"Yeah, I'm alright." You bite your lip softly, your fingers playing with the cuffs of your oversized pastel pink hoodie, "Just...thinking."

Sideswipe eyes of your fidgeting, a telling sign from you that you're nervous or getting a bit too shy. A quality that he finds exceedingly adorable in you, but he keeps it to himself to avoid crossing your boundaries. He sneakily gazes at you with his rearview mirror, taking in the soft red hue on your cheeks, how your hair falls on your shoulders like a waterfall, and how you bite your lip.

He also can't help but admire you and your cute outfits; he thinks it makes you unique. However, he wishes that you weren't so bound by your older sister, who he thinks can be a pain in the glute servos sometimes. To see you be able to be yourself around him, even just a little bit, makes his spark sing.

He realises he's staring a bit too much, not to mention the silence that falls upon both of you, and he clears his vocaliser.

"About what? If that's okay with you, of course." Sideswipe speaks up, his curiosity getting the better, always wondering what goes on in that little head of yours.

"Just," You blush a little more, either out of shyness or because you can feel his staring, "Just about how we met... do you remember?"

"Are you kidding?" Sideswipe chuckles softly, the warm vibrations sweeping through you, "How could I forget!"

In what seems like two seconds, Sideswipe transforms. Hydraulics and mechanics whirring around you until you sit on his palm, "How I scared off those humans to save you? It was pretty awesome if I say so myself." He poses heroically.

After you had controlled your dizzyness from being thrown around a little, though you're pretty used to it now, you arch a brow at him. Not entirely impressed with his display but secretly amused.

Sideswipe peers an optic down at you before he sheepishly brings you closer to his face, "Sorry, I understand that night wasn't a good memory for you," He brings his other servo to rub the back of his helm.

You nod your head, "It's okay," A hand rubs at your arm, "You're not wrong... but..."

"But what?" Sideswipe tilts his helm at you, an action which you find pretty endearing.

"I... uh... got to meet you, at least." You smile softly at him, your heart beating a little when you feel his thumb press against your back.

The red speedster can't hide the soft hue of blue that forms on his faceplates, not when you're so close to his face.

"Yeah? Well," He smiles at you warmly, bringing a digit to ruffle your hair a little, "Every princess needs her prince, hm?"

"Hey-" You giggle softly, batting away his digit self-consciously, "You'll mess up my hair again."

"Good," Sideswipes spark warms as he watches you giggle, "I like it. It suits you better."

You blush softly at his comment, knowing how much you like maintaining your neat appearance. But if you're completely honest with yourself, you don't mind if Sideswipe messes it up a little.

"C'mon, the night's still young," He sets you down on the ground, letting you get your balance before pulling away, "How 'bouts we walk back to the junkyard?"

"Sideswipe? Not driving? Unheard of." You tease, putting your hands in your hoodie pockets.

"There's no hurry, not while I'm with you at least." Sideswipe chuckles, keeping a watchful eye on you as he walks by your side, "We can take our time, Princess."

Your eyes widen softly at his statement, wondering if there was a double meaning layered over his words. You nod, looking down to the ground as you walk alongside him, smiling as you feel your face heat up at the nickname again, "Yeah... we can take our time."

Sideswipe smiles before leaning down to place a hand on your shoulder, "Also, let's not tell your sister that I let you stick your head out my window, yeah?"