#you can really see what dan/phil meant in their last video about how phil leads the conversations | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

captainshyguy · 4 years

Text

not to be a little melancholic but i've been thinking a bit about all the people that have come and gone in my general social circle like. not just irl, but online too. the close friends, who eventually left, and the ones on the outskirts, but were always there. at least, for a time. the people you never quite talked to, but were in your bubble, in your life, if just for a bit. the people who will only be icon, words on a screen to me. the people who will forever be 14 in my memories, because its all i have of them

its just...its weird yknow? not even getting into social circles from school, friends you grew apart from, friends of friends of friends in your class that you had an odd connection with

but online its like. i’ve been in a few online communities in my time. the penguins of madagscar community on fanpop, one for the same fandom on deviantart, the agents of shield one here, then the maze runner, then star wars, then mario, then star wars again...i’d say ‘and hollow knight now’ but lets be honest, i haven’t made....many friends or even mutuals through it solely X]

i guess my point is like. all of these communities were different people. and over time, whilst i’ve generally stayed put (until i was physically the last one left, and jumped ship, like fanpop) people just. they left yknow? maybe it took a couple of months, maybe a couple of years, but they did, and its such an almost...odd thing to experience

im not saying people cant leave, not at all but it just made me think how many people i’ve known, how many i’ve been friends with, how many existed in my orbit. how many i only have pieces of. and i guess...how many people’s orbits i was in. the person i was in the past lives on through each and every one of then, and i have no idea what stuck. what’s their ‘luke’ memory, their takeway. heck, some of them wouldn't even have it by that name.

one thing im glad about in a way is like. from each of the communities that like. meant something to me, i managed to grab a few people almost. a few that also dug their heels in, a few that are still in my orbit, however close or far, but they’re there. they’re posting actively or somewhat actively and i know where to find them. and thats nice

it just makes me wonder sometimes yknow?? how many people currently in my circle, currently in my orbit, will eventually leave one day? who will stop posting, who’s icon i simply will never see again.

i do hope, with all my heart, that all the ones that i fell out of touch with are doing well

(im musing about specific people under the read more, WILL get long kjdfhnd)

from my primary/secondary school i dont have anyone exactly. the closest i have is one guy i was pretty fond of but not like. romantically. i follow his youtube and whilst i dont really watch the videos seeing his face pop up every now and again is nice. but man i do think back on those secondary school friends. funnily enough by the end whilst i liked my “official” best friends i honestly ended up more fond of others. sarah, priya, shriya, zarah, zi yu, kyle. danny, introducing me to treasure planet, hiding away with him and his friends to watch films in forgotten rooms when it was near the end of the year, then liam, of course, man..its weird he was my best friend in the first few years when i moved there, then we got put in different classes so we just didnt see eahc other much. but that fondness was always, always there. god, and jake....i wonder if he thinks back fondly to the two of us pretending to be transformers. i wonder if im still jazz to him. god, and then sophia, just, not even hanging out but having our little ‘hot buttered toast’ song. i hope thats the memory she has of me. (i haven’t even listed everyone from this part, and i couldnt! it was a 7-8 year period of my life! right during my brain developmental stages!!)

its weird i was in love with ryan for nearly three years. a lot of those memories are soured knowing one of my friends spread it around school and everyone secretly knew, (and looking back i was way out of his league like, morally lol) but still. maybe once or twice a year i’ll dream about him, and for a brief moment, im there, sitting with him in geography as he shows me magic tricks, during that period i do genuinely think he liked me too (before it wore off for him lol) and im still in love.

from college, man....ewan was like. i have a feeling he was leading me on since he had a girlfriend lmao, and was just flirting for fun bc he saw i was shy and was trying to get me to react, but it never felt like bullying yknow? i dont think he was actively trying to make fun of me. so i dont know, it was nice, it felt nice and it still kinda does.

khairun.....im so glad i still have her. i’m still a little gay for her. i remember sitting with her on the bus, riding for hours as we were on the geology trip, and she would ramble about the game of thrones video game and she’d squint so happily and her eyes would sparkle. she talks about dark souls now and i only see her messages, but i can still feel her enthusiasm. or tanisha and fatima, my other geology friends, my maze runner friends. seeing the scorch trials with fatima in the cinema. joking about newt and thomas with tanisha. sitting around the table with my actual friend group, in the big lounge chair reading the tolkien dictonary, joking about the flash with bindiya. sleeping around maddie’s house and playing would you rather.

heck, i didnt even touch on teachers!!! teachers i connected with so much on a genuine level!!! mrs chambers, mr hauge, mr wrght, miss lloyd, mr hutchinson, miss petra, mrs young! mrs mohammed, mr santa maria, mr longdon, miss langley, mrs maize, miss davies. i know with teachers, the kids must start to blur together at a point. but i just....i hope, at least. with those first two, they’ll remember me, just a bit. i keep having dreams where im in my old school, and i try to find them., i’ve found mr hague a few times. but until about a month ago, whenever i got to geography, miss chambers was never there. im glad i finally found her.

then fanpop...lexii, having the same birthday as me, talking with kait and roleyplaying as penguin ocs in high stakes situations. dating dylan fkjdngjdh, rigging the club’s presidential election. its weird, i dont have a lot of memories from this time. just....just people? people posting their ocs, people drawing ech others ocs. kaitlyn, anya, kait, dylan, lexii, imaneasel, mya, peacebaby, madascargirl, kate, starslight, imogen, tressa, sammi, crystal, cc, syliva, jasmine, hikari, amber, yellow, steff, lilly, blue, richard, monique, sharpey, hannah, icicle, ratking, cian i- god, there was so many of us. theres more, i can think of more names. there was so many

anya did what i did pretty much and went to deviantart then kinda dug her heels in and didnt leave, though i don think she’s more active on toyhouse. and yet, i still see her art there, so its nice. having her throughout the years has been nice, watching as both of our art improves. she’s always been a bit ahead of me. then cian i’ve been talknig with pretty much every day for about 6 months now, thats been nice

and then here, man! the agents of shield fandom! man! i dont remember a lot of names honestly besides the ones who stayed, and sam. i hope sam’s okay. y’all who stayed, who are still mutuals, the hm....five of us i think? though the one ofy’all i was closest to isnt around as often X[ but still. im happy y’all are here

some of y’all that have been around long enoguh will know i was best friends with kacie for a while. from....i think that was my brief stint in the dan and phil fandom. she. well. she’s okay, the last i heard of her. but my overtalking screwed that up i think. my last message from her, a few years later, was amicable at least. i still feel awful about that if i think on it too hard

i think i only picked up ronan from the maze runner, at least, that i talk to, yeah, right, there’s two others that are still about but i dont think we’ve ever held a convo X]

and u current peeps! from mario, star wars and.....im not quite sure where for some of you! i love u all! especially y’all that have been around forever, just, liking each others posts every now and again., i dont know how many people you all follow, but i follow less than a 100. i might only be a blip on your radar, but i like seeing y’all, genuinely. thank you for being in my orbit. i hope i’m a comforting or at least. nice reliable presence in yours, for as long as we all stick around.

#and i just. i could go on!!! i could!!! so many peopek from school i knew even if just a tony bit #peopel in my classes whos last names are starting to escape me but the firsts are still there!#the people who's names are all but gone #but the faces are there #i just....god #where you make friends and go through school you meet so many people #so many!!!!#and then online friends and communities just expands on that exponentially!!!#so many people!!!#so many people live inside me!!!#and im a bit in love with a franction of them! just from the memories and nostalgia!#[insert quirrel voice here] all tragedy erased...i see only wonders #well. mostly gfkjdhndhjkfhdf #luke rambles #a BIG BOY RAMBLE TODAY MAN #i just.#this was on my mind all last night when i was trying to sleep #i am a little afraid of losing close communities im in now im not gonna life #*lie #but im hoping i can keep close with people from each for the long haul #becuase like. im not leaving tumblr until this palce suhts down dkjgnkgsgd #same with discord #with deviantart

5 notes · View notes

the-u-s-s-enterprise · 4 years

Text

This is a long one, but I love Undertale.

Eighteen-years old, fresh out of their sheltered hometown and onto a liberal arts college with more diverse people than they had ever experienced in their life. They’re nervous about school, the up in ante, the new lifestyle, the new freedom. They found their place with some friends that they wouldn’t think about in a few years time, people that would come and go, and a couple that would stay, but the first step on their journey into adulthood.

This is fall of 2015. Their parents dropped them off with a teary goodbye less than a month ago, and Undertale comes out today. They don’t know about it. At least not until Steam Train plays it not too long later. They watch a cute game played and commentated by a duo from their favorite YouTube gaming channel. It’s exactly their style, a cute, fun game with interesting and lovable characters.

The first episode doesn’t even span the tutorial, and the kid doesn’t bother waiting for the rest. They load up steam and buy it, playing it well into the night, sobbing at the heartbreaking conclusion and not knowing that five years later they would break into tears over hearing “Home” for the first time in years.

I played Undertale because I thought it was cute, the designs were fun, the mechanics were interesting, the story was easy enough to follow. I liked video games, but not enough to spend money on them only to get bored halfway through, so I watched a few Let’s Play YouTube channels to experience them without having to devote my constantly overstimulated brain to playing them.

Undertale was different. I don’t choose the things I become obsessed with (do you think I would be thinking about It: Chapter 2 over a year later if I could?), but when I fall into something, I fall hard.

I played it through, and then I watched Steam Train, and then I watched Press Heart to Continue, and JackSepticEye, and Markiplier, and Dan and Phil, and streamers I don’t even remember the names of in order to see every single reaction and playthrough I could see. Don’t get me wrong, I played again and again, too, even forcing my friends not to play it if I wasn’t there to watch.

In fact, I distinctly remember a friend, I was watching him play and telling him where the secrets were and the background for every little thing that wasn’t explicit in the game. He loved it. We played the entire game in three sessions, the first involved us going through the Ruins and saving after meeting Sans and Papyrus, the second going about halfway through Waterfall, and the third was the rest of the game in a six-hour session.

All in all, I can’t even count how many times I’ve witnessed the game, nor how many times I’ve read the Wiki pages, clicking “random page” over and over again until I had circled back around to the start. If I had to guess, I’ve played the pacifist playthrough about ten times on my own, and watched it anywhere between 20 and 30 between different YouTubers and rewatches of the same playthroughs. I’ve seen the genocide run a fair number of times, likely close to ten, and various neutral runs in the teens.

Not only that, I spent hours in the library with my headphones on doing homework, listening to not the OST, but the ten-hour extended versions of my favorite songs, “Bonetrousle”, “Hopes and Dreams”, “Death by Glamour”, and the ever so aptly named “NGAHHH!!” just to name a few.

And don’t get me started on the glitch characters. The hours I spent looking up information on Gaster because I was too scared to mod my own game are endless.

So, I guess you could say I’m very familiar with the game. It meant a lot to me as a young adult with fresh freedom, a story about a lost child finding a family of their own. My first and only tattoo is of the delta rune (although people will try to tell me it’s from Legend of Zelda).

It’s hard to talk about, but I don’t have the best mental health, with constant long-running depression, social anxiety, and mild OCD, my brain tends to run a mile a minute, and I had a really hard time making friends in high school, which resulted in me not having any friends at all after my friends from middle school decided they were too good for me.

I spent the better part of my four years in high school eating lunch alone and not going out on the weekends because no one wanted me to. In senior year, I managed to make friends with a few people, but nothing deep or long lasting.

Cue college, a fresh start where I could be exactly who I was supposed to be. I came out as asexual on the second day there, not knowing that my involvement with the LGBT organization would lead me to realize that I was also nonbinary and a lesbian. But needless to say, I was an outcast looking for a place to call home.

I found it at school, making a couple lifelong friends (I love you girls!) and finding a place in coming to my own leadership abilities and my desire to be a role model and resource for young LGBT people. Always in the background was Undertale.

Here was this game, though with a few flaws, was the greatest game I had ever played, as I remarked on every little detail from the stunning backgrounds to the fun yet challenging fight mechanics to every little piece of witty dialogue.

I remarked on Toby Fox and his ability to create this game almost entirely on his own, coding and designing and writing music. He didn’t do it alone, but so much of the game was him, and seeing someone accomplish something that meant so much to me was an inspiration.

I looked at this game and saw a breathtaking story, hints of the twist being woven into every pixel, parallels at every turn, tidbits that you had to play the game ten times (like I did) to catch pieces of backstory that were so vital to fully understanding a character.

Not only that, but I looked at this game and I saw me. I saw the cute and honestly rather stupid love story between Alphys and Undyne, between a shy (presumably) bisexual lizard girl and a buff (presumably) lesbian fish lady. They were awkward and uncomfortable and bashful and I loved every part of their interactions. They cared for each other and their story being thrown in and accepted, not a word said about it except outside the game. And don’t get me started on the guards.

But beyond that, I saw Frisk, a child without a denoted gender, which many people took to mean you could impose the gender you wanted, but to nonbinary people, to people like me, they saw a main character that used they/them pronouns without it being a joke, without it being asked about, without the characters ever slipping up or even having to guess. They did it because that’s who Frisk is, and they love Frisk.

I see this game, this funny, heart-wrenching, sweet, and wonderful game, and I see found family. I see a child who we know went up Mount Ebbott knowing that children who went up there didn’t come back find people (monsters) that loved them, cared about them, even after only knowing them for what we can assume is a day.

Frisk finds these monsters and they loved them for who they are. The love these characters share meant more to me than I ever could have imagined they would, the background to my introduction to freedom, the meeting of my best friends, the discovery of myself, the growth of my leadership and motivation. They were there. They were always there for me, and now, today, on the day of the five year anniversary of my own self discovery, I listen to “Home” and I cry.

I cry for Toriel, who lived alone in the Ruins for years, I cry for Sans and Papyrus who take care of each other in more way than they know, I cry for Undyne who’s desperate to prove herself and protect her people, I cry for Alphys who lived with the guilt of her mistakes and wanting nothing more than to make amends for the monster she thought she was, I cry for Asgore who was so overcome with grief he became the worst version of himself.

I cry for Asriel for obvious reasons. And I cry for Frisk, a child that wanted love and found it in the journey, just like I did.

I listen to “Home” and I cry because it is home. It’s a story about love in the time I needed it the most, shaping me into the person I am today, even five years later.

Because despite everything, it’s still me.

#undertale

4 notes · View notes

vampiricalthorns · 6 years

Text

Waves

Title: Waves

Fandom: Phan (Dan and Phil)

Author: Vampiricalthorns

Word count: 1351

Triggers: Mentions of vomit and passing out, graphic description of a panic attack, slight description of involuntary violence and restraining

Notes: I just wrote this up in just about an hour. Spooky week starts tomorrow and if Phil’s anything like me, he probably has anxiety about something starting- and in this case, going to quite the extreme. The “restraining” warning refers to Dan trying to avoid Phil hurting himself by accident and is in no way meant to hurt anyone.

“This actually makes me kind of nervous,” Phil admits while they’re sitting on the couch after dinner, just waiting for the right moment to go to bed. Spooky week was starting tomorrow, and they had filmed and edited the video that would be number one. Like the beginning of a storm where small waves would hit the rocks.

Dan looks up at Phil from his position where he was currently laying with his head on Phil’s lap and his legs up over the sofa backrest. “What is? Spooky week starting tomorrow? There’s not much to worry about. I feel like we’ve picked good games, the subscribers like the yearly event and the work we did on this first video was good. We have everything under control.”

Phil runs his fingers through the dark curls that is Dan’s hair and he sighs reluctantly. “Yeah. You’re right. Thank you, babe.”

His anxiety isn’t settled- not by far, and he notices it when he excuses himself to go to the bathroom. Phil’s not sure why he does that anymore. Just, “sorry, I need to go to the bathroom” rather than just going, “be right back, bathroom.” He looks in the mirror- and a tired man in flannel pj pants, an obnoxiously bright shirt and messy hair looks back at him. He’s wearing his glasses because contact lenses are too annoying. In total- he looks about the least Phil Lester he possibly can at the moment because he feels off and it’s noticeable.

He doesn’t realise just how bad it is until he’s met by Dan outside the bathroom, who looks at him concerned and then leads him back to the couch with a suggestion of, “Do you want a cup of tea?”

He doesn’t realise how bad it is until he’s clutching his favourite mug of Earl Grey with probably way too much sugar in it.

He doesn’t realise how bad it is until his hands are shaking and Dan quickly removes the mug from his hands. He, of course, doesn’t realise how bad it is until he’s sobbing, trying to hide within himself. He’s painfully aware of how bad it is when it feels like someone is stabbing his chest repeatedly with a letter knife. It feels sort of as if he’s underwater, trying to get back to the surface- just trying to breathe. Dan’s voice feels far away and muted as if he’s trying to talk through both cotton and water at the same time.

“Phil? Phil? Hey, sweetheart, can you hear me?” He tries to focus on Dan’s voice, but it’s hard. The waves keep coming back to hit him- to bring him down to the ocean floor where he’ll never be able to get up again. Phil gasps for air and clutches the nearest possible thing, unable to realise that it’s Dan’s face and the fact that his nails dragging down Dan’s face probably isn’t the most comfortable thing in the world. Suddenly, he’s enveloped in heat and tightness. He manages to open his eyes and breathe for long enough to realise that Dan’s pulled him onto his lap and is effectively trying to calm him by hugging him tightly and trying to rock them back and forth a bit. Then the waves are back and he’s pulled under, yet again unable to breathe.

“Phil, sweetheart, listen to me. You need to breathe.” Phil can feel something grabbing his hand, leading it to something warm and pulsing. Underneath Dan’s warm skin there’s a constant, even thump, thu-thump sound. Dan’s heart. A lifeline. He hears Dan’s voice counting- that must be for breathing in and out. Phil takes a breath, and it burns his throat, but he must persist because Dan is someone he can trust. Someone he must trust. He needs to get to the coast.

He slowly feels the tears come to a halt and his sobs are quieting down. Breathing is painful- and he has the occasional gasp for air- but at least he can breathe. A quiet voice brings him back and Phil manages to completely open his eyes. Somehow, they’ve landed on the floor, with Phil half laying down and with Dan behind him, hugging him tightly.

Dan’s voice is soft when he speaks, “Hey there sweetheart, what happened?”

Phil’s throat is too dry to talk, and he manages to get the message across to Dan, who immediately hands Phil the tea he made what feels like 10 hours ago. He takes a sip and stares into the dark liquid. “I’m anxious, but I don’t know why. It’s not your fault, or YouTube’s fault, or anyone’s fault, really. It just … happened.”

He can feel Dan nod- Dan understands, and Phil loves him for it. “This was a bad one,” Dan says slowly, carefully pulling Phil a bit closer to him in an attempt for Phil to sit a bit more straight up. “You were out of it for close to twenty minutes, uncontrollably sobbing. You tried to get away from me at some point, but luckily you didn’t. I was scared you would somehow manage to hurt yourself. I didn’t want a repeat of last time so I tried to restrain you a bit.”

He feels a soft kiss on the back of his neck. “I’m sorry.”

Phil turns around and sees the aggressive scratch marks on Dan’s face. It looks like it hurts, and suddenly a small wave of guilt washes over Phil, trying to drag him back to the ocean, where he will just stay. The ocean- they’ve both learnt, is a dangerous territory. None of them wants to explore it. He carefully puts his mug back on the table and slowly touches Dan’s face. “I hurt you.”

Dan smiles softly. “You were flailing about and fell off the couch. You were trying to grab at the closest thing- which so happened to be my face. You didn’t hurt yourself though, which is the most important thing. Besides, the scratches will fade. The most important thing is that you’re gonna be fine.”

Phil nods- this had been relatively tame. His heavier panic attacks usually ended up with him getting so worked up he got sick or ended up passing out. Falling off the couch and slightly scratching up Dan’s face could definitely be classified a victory- even though he was sure it would have been way milder if they had managed to give him emergency anti-anxiety medication on time.

“Do you feel sick?” Dan asks him, and he looks genuinely concerned for Phil’s wellbeing. “Does your head hurt?”

Phil shakes his head. “No, I mainly just want to drink my tea and go to bed or something like that.” He’s fully aware that it’s only ten in the evening, but it feels like he’s just ran a marathon, and he supposes- in a way he has.

Slowly, but surely, they make their way back up on the couch and Phil’s given his cup of tea back. The warmth of the mug in his hands is familiar- bringing a sense that normally only Dan can give him- and considering Dan’s sitting right next to him with one arm around his back and one arm on his thigh, he feels the anxiety retreating from his system.

It takes him a while just to get the tea down and by the time he can see the bottom, the tea is completely cold and he places it back onto the coffee table. Dan stands up next to him and offers his arms to Phil, helping him up. They stand there for a couple minutes, just hugging tightly before slowly making their way to Dan’s room. It’s calmer in there, with fewer colours and less Phil has to worry about. They collapse into bed and Phil immediately wraps himself into a blanket after coming as close to Dan as humanly physically possible. With his head to Dan’s bare chest, he feels the calm thump, thu-thump sounds- like a calm wave hitting a beach. That’s what the ocean should be to him. And at this moment it is. Calm.

#phan #phanfic #dan and phil #my writing #anxiety #spooky week #panic attack #anxiety attack

24 notes · View notes

allthephils · 6 years

Text

Repose

Rated M (angst, sleeping beauty au, mentions of sex, adult themes

Word count: 2626/42677

Read on AO3

Chapter 15

The drive to Windsor castle felt something like the first time Louise drove Phil there. Fear and uncertainty had brought tension then but now it was magnified. Now, Phil knew what was at stake. He also knew he wasn’t wanted there and that he may have a fight ahead of him much more daunting than the fight to get in had been. Phil has never been much of a fighter, always more likely to walk away, turn the other cheek. Now he hoped against hope for a fight because a fight meant Dan was ok, that there’s something to fight for. The alternative was unthinkable. His stomach turned when he thought of how easily he had let Dan get away all those years ago. Everything could have been different if he had simply had the courage to speak up, say the words, hold on tighter. That wasn’t a mistake he was going to make again. He had let himself consider the worst case scenario, he’d fallen apart, gotten it out of his system, and now he was going to stand up and be what Dan needed him to be.

Walking up the path to the castle gate, the scene was so different from the first time. There was a small group of protesters and an even smaller gaggle of women waiting on the lawn. A large steel grate had been pulled closed at the gate that lead to the entrance to Dan’s operating theatre and there was only one guard standing in the center of the walk. It was obvious the excitement had passed, the royal family had succeeded at appeasing the public.

Phil and Louise walked in the grass toward the protesters, hoping the single guard wouldn’t notice Phil. The idea that he could be seen as a threat was ridiculous but Phil couldn’t imagine the stories Walter must be telling. Phil had to be careful. He didn’t want to risk being carted away before he was able to see Dan. Cautiously, Louise approached the gate with Phil a few feet behind. Inside, near the door that would lead to the Prince, stood Dennis.

Louise ran back to Phil, whisper shouting, “It’s that guard, the one you know. Phil, he must be ok. Why would they guard an empty room? He must still be in there.”

“He’s still in there, I feel it. But that doesn’t mean he’s ok.” Phil said, his eyes searching for some comfort in Louise’s hopeful expression. “I’m going to go talk to him. Stay close.”

Phil’s hands gripped the bars of the steel grate that stood between him and what he now realized was his future. Dennis look up and sighed heavily, scrubbing his hands over his face in frustration. He walked to Phil and spoke, low enough so that no one else could hear.

“Phil. Buddy, you know my hands are tied here. There’s nothing I can do. Prince Walter would put me away for treason. He’s been very clear.”

“Did you deliver that box, Dennis?” Phil asked. Dennis said nothing but returned to his post by the door. “Tell Walter I’m here, Dennis. Let me see him. We can work something out.”

Dennis stared forward, unflinching. “You don’t want to see Walter, Phil. Trust me, you don’t.”

“Tell me he’s ok, Dennis. Or at least tell me he’s alive.” Phil was starting to panic.

Dennis said, “he’s alive,” and cast a sideways glance at Phil that sent a chill up his spine.

“Oh my god. I need to see him. Dennis please.”

Dennis’ brow creased, he shifted on his feet and swallowed, struggling to maintain the role he played in spite of the vulnerability Phil brought. Nothing was more frightening than seeing concern on Dennis’ face. Phil turned to Louise and she rushed over.

“Louise, are you logged in to my Instagram?”

“I am.”

“Ok, we’re gonna do this. 15 seconds at a time.” His heart beat out of his chest.

Louise’s eyes grew wide and she held the hand of her best friend in the world. “Philip, are you absolutely one hundred percent sure about this? Have you thought through all the consequences?”

“Yes I am and no I haven’t. There’s no more time, Lou. You ready?” Phil stood, his back to the gate and Louise held up the phone. She pointed to Phil and he began.

“Hey guys. I’ve got some really important news to share and not a lot of time. I’m going to need your help. You guys were right about some things so yeah, good job figuring it out I guess. First of all, I’m gay. Yay.” Phil held his hands up and shimmied them just as Louise held up her hand to stop. He looked back at Dennis who just stood, looking forward, pretending not to notice what was going on right in front of him.

“OK it’s up, that’ll bring em in.” Louise shook her head and held the phone up again. “Keep going.”

“I know I’ve been a little MIA these days and that none of you were fooled by my cryptic tweets. I have been at Windsor Castle. With Dan, Prince Daniel. And yes, I’m in love with him.”

Louise held up a hand again and jumped up and down a little bit as she hit the button to post the story. For the third time, she held the phone up. Phil was sweating, he heaved in a breath.

“He’s been doing much better since I’ve been here but now our future king and the man I love is in real jeopardy because his father, Prince Walter, has decided I am no longer welcome.”

Once more, stop, post, deep breath, go.

“So I’m hoping you guys could help me out. Maybe if we get enough of you here, they’ll at least let me speak to someone. I don’t know if it will work but I have to try. We can’t just do nothing. He needs us. If you’re anywhere near Windsor castle, please.”

Louise put her phone away and walked to Phil, hugging him close. “I’m so proud of you.”

“I don’t know, Lou. I just outed the future king of England. I think I’m fucked.”

____________________________________________________________________________

Phil leaned on the counter, happily munching tiny marshmallows as he watched his mum bake. He missed Dan, more than he’d ever missed anything, but he was happy to be with his family. The last time he was here, he would have called it home. Even with his own London apartment, home was always wherever his family was. That was all different now. Now, home was wherever Dan was. His little apartment felt warm and safe and perfect when Dan was there. Still, he was glad to be chatting with his mum, getting all the latest gossip on the Lesters. A cousin got engaged, an aunt needed to have gall bladder surgery, and uncle Frederic’s exotic pet collection has gotten him in trouble. His wife has promised to leave him if he brings home one more reptile or hissing cockroach.

Phil heard the front door open, the cold air rushing in and chilling the house all the way to the kitchen. Martin and Cornelia shuffled in together, pulling off coats, and hugging Nigel before making their way to the kitchen to get the big affection form Catherine. Phil waited his turn, smiling around cheeks stuffed with sweets. Finally, Martin came over and punched him in the arm before pulling him into a hug.

“Where the hell have you been? I feel like I have to watch your videos just to see my little brother!” Martin admonished lovingly.

“Ug, You sound like Louise. I’ve just been busy.” Phil stood away from the counter and moved toward Cornelia, who opened her arms and hugged Phil just like a big sister would.

“Hello Phil. You look well! How have you been?” She asked as she pulled him in.

“I’m really good, Corn.” Phil said, quietly while still in the embrace. Cornelia had a way of softening Phil, breaking down any barriers he might have. She pulled away, hands on Phil’s shoulders, and looked him in the eye. She grinned and cocked her head a bit.

“Hmm.”

“What?” Phil said, already blushing.

“You look different.” Cornelia said, plainly. “You are positively glowing.”

Phil laughed nervously and looked at the ground. “I’m just rosy from the cold.”

“Bullshit.” Cornelia smiled wide and kissed Phil’s nose, leaving behind a spot of lipstick.

Catherine grabbed a dish towel and wiped at the spot without missing a beat. “You do look happy, love. And healthy. Glowing is a perfect way to describe it.”

Phil felt like he was being ganged up on by the sweetest mob who ever lived.

Martyn had plopped down at the kitchen table and was eating a biscuit from a plate at the center. He looked at Phil intently. “I know what’s up. He’s getting some.” He kept eating through his smirk and Phil groaned, turning away to busy himself making tea for everyone. He wanted to run away but he knew they’d just follow him. The Lesters are a relentless bunch.

“Oh Martyn.” Catherine shook her head. “Be nice.” She slid the pan of cakes into the oven, and wiped her hands on her apron. “Though I was wondering…”

Cornelia’s musical laughter gave Phil a moment to think, to muster up his courage.

“Ok, yeah, I’ve been seeing someone. Someone I really like.” Phil was on the verge of giggling but he fought to suppress that impulse.

Cornelia beamed, “Aw Philly. Look at you! I’m so happy for you!”

Phil’s mum took her cup of tea and sat at the table so now they all sat, staring at Phil, his judge and jury, sipping their tea in a perfect metaphor. They wanted details.

“What’s her name?” Catherine asked, her tone genuinely kind and curious.

Martyn rolled his eyes. “Mum, Come on, Phil hasn’t a girlfriend since before Uni.”

“Sorry, sorry. It’s habit. What’s his name? Tell me about this boy who’s captured my son’s heart.”

Phil smiled, she always knew how to make him feel accepted, even when she screwed up.

“It’s ok, mum. His name is…” Phil hesitated, not sure how to answer that question. He breathed deep, took a sip of tea, and answered, “Dan, his name is Dan.”

“Ooh!” Catherine cried. “Like Prince Daniel. Is he as handsome as the Prince?”

“More so.” Phil said. It was true. His Dan, the Dan he held and kissed and laughed with and loved, was far more beautiful than his public persona. Prince Daniel was just a facade but Dan was real, so very real. “It’s a little scary though.” He sat down with the rest of them, grabbing a biscuit to dunk into his tea.

“That’s my cue.” Martyn stood up fisting a handful of treats and went to talk with Nigel about Football or the weather or something that made him less uncomfortable than what was about to go down in the kitchen.

“Coward.” Cornelia called after him.

“I don’t deny that!” Martyn called back.

Cornelia reached across the table to squeeze Phil’s hand. “Why is it scary, Phil?”

“I just like him so much. We just met in September. And he’s only 18, we’re so young, you know? But I feel like, I don’t know.” Phil was looking down into his tea but he raised his eyes to catch his mother’s, needing to read what she might be thinking. “I love him, mum. I loved him from the moment I kissed him. It was only our second date. Is that stupid? Is that crazy?” Phil chewed on his cuticle, nervous, afraid the answer would be yes, it’s stupid and crazy and immature. Pull yourself together Phil.

“Phil, love is never stupid.” Cornelia said, “And any love worth having is crazy at the beginning.” She sat back and sipped, ready to soak in whatever Catherine was about to say. Catherine did not disappoint.

“Cornelia’s right. God, your father and I were insatiable when we met. From the very start, I couldn’t keep my hands off of him.”

“Woah, mum, gross.”

“Sorry, sorry. My point is, sometimes you just know. And it feels too fast and too much but it’s not up to you. Love just comes and you have to be brave enough to grab on and hold it.”

“I haven’t said it yet. He has, but I’ve sort of avoided it.” Phil sighed, “Do you think I should tell him?”

Catherine put another biscuit in front of Phil. “I think you should tell him when you are sure and it’s bursting out of you. When your heart is beating so loud, you can’t think of any other words, that’s when you should tell him.”

Cornelia asked, “When did Nigel tell you?”

“I think it was our third date.”

“And you said it back?” Cornelia said, in awe.

“Oh lord no! I thought he was off his rocker.” Catherine laughed heartily. “But I did say it eventually, months later.”

“Poor Dad.” Phil paused and took a deep breath. “I’m scared if I let myself love him, he’ll go off to Uni and then, I don’t know.”

“Sweetheart, trust me. Love is painful whether it lasts 2 weeks or 2 decades. That’s why you have to be brave. Ask yourself if the fear you feel is worth not having him in your life. Would you rather just lose him now so you don’t have to lose him later?”

“No. No, mum, I can't lose him now. It hurts to even think that.”

“It sounds like you already know the answer, Phil.” Cornelia said. “I just want to know if he is worthy of my Philly. Are you happy when you’re with him?”

“So happy.”

“Does he treat you with kindness and respect?”

“Yes Corn, of course.”

“And does he make your toes curl?” Cornelia slurped her tea, glancing up at Phil over her cup. Catherine laughed and stood to clear up as Phil crumbled, covering his face with his hands. He peaked through his fingers at Cornelia, knowing his mum was looking the other way, and nodded. She held her tea up in a mock toast and giggled.

“You know what I always say, Phil.” Catherine interjected. “If he keeps you warm, then he’s a keeper.”

“Isn’t that for picking out a coat?”

“It applies here too, dear.” Catherine went back to baking and Phil sat in happy silence with Cornelia. Some of the weight had lifted, he felt understood, supported. The weight that remained was uncertainty in what the future held. Phil’s mum is a wise woman though and he knew that. He promised himself he’d tell Dan he loved him when they got home. In reality, he knew he’d made it clear but he also knew that those words matter.

Slipping into a sugar coma, Phil excused himself to have a quick lay down before dinner. Really, he just wanted to text Dan in private, though he realized he probably wouldn’t get a response.

Phil: Hey. I miss you already. My family says I’m glowing. It’s because of you. I hope you get to spend lots of time with Adrian and eat all the mince pies. Come to think of it, maybe you could smuggle a few out for me.

Dan: Phil! I miss you already too. I’ll start hoarding mince pies immediately.

Phil: Yay!

Dan: If you text during the day, I might not be able to respond.

Phil: I know, I get it

Dan: But please text anyway. I need to know you are out there. And that you are mine.

Phil: Ok, I will. And I am.

Dan: I have to go join everyone for tea. I love you.

#phanfic #phan #phanfiction #Sleeping Beauty AU #wip

17 notes · View notes

dansphlevels · 6 years

Text

The Subject Series

This fic was written for her @phandomreversebang with artist @corgi-lester. You can find the art here. This fic has been in the works for a long time but I really like it and I hope you will too!

Summary: Tensions have been rising in Phil’s hometown at the rise in gun violence and string of robberies. However, Phil has bigger things to worry about me, like his newest art assignment to paint a series of portraits showing the true character of a person you know. Phil has his subject, the only problem is, he doesn’t actually know Dan, though he’s more than willing to rememdy that.

Length: 8k

Highschool!phan au with artist!Phil and newkid!Dan, including the growth of a friendship, Phil being a little stalker-y, and Dan not understanding the concept of stranger danger. Was heavily inspired by my Drabble series ‘Artists’ and recent events involving gun violence.

“I want to do five paintings, all different sized canvases that link together.”

Mr. Hebbs shook his head. “Phil, this isn’t that complex an assignment. You only have to do three, and canvases aren’t required.”

“It’s fine, I get a discount on them at my job,” Phil insisted. “And I like to paint at home.”

“But Phil—” Mr. Hebbs saw the look Phil was giving him and changed direction. “You have other classes, I don’t want-”

“I really appreciate everything you do,” Phil reassured with his teacher-pleasing smile. “How about I let you know if it’s too much? Then I’ll go down to only painting three canvases.” Mr. Hebbs started saying something else, but Phil quickly cut him off with a “You’re the best! I’ll see you in class!”

Phil was already halfway out of the door when Mr. Hebbs called out, “But Phil! Who is going to be your subject!”

“I’ll figure it out!”

———

The beginning of the semester was not something to be excited about. You could be the best student in school, but you still wouldn’t cheer about it if someone held a gun up to your head.

Phil was right in the middle of the spectrum. He definitely didn’t hate school, but the end of winter break meant less free time for art and more brain power having to be spent on things like trigonometry and physiology.

He spent most of Trig staring at the other students in the class. For the art project, he had to find a subject to paint a few times, but no one in his classes stuck out to him.

As Mr. Goinstein lectured, Phil felt his hands fidget almost on their own merit, scribbling out a design on his travel-sized sketchbook. It ending up being the teacher, with his hairline receding almost as far back as in real life, his suit cheap looking but well pressed. Phil wondered if his hair had gotten greyer in the past few weeks.

Phil jolted when he felt a hand on his shoulder. “Hey,” a voice whispered, “do you have a pencil?”

Phil turned around to double check that he wasn’t hearing things— he sat at the back of the class for a reason, how dare someone move to be further back than him— except no one had moved. The boy sitting before him- or rather, behind him— wasn’t a regular face in the class.

Phil would know. He’d drawn every face in the class; or attempted to, at least.

The boy was looking at him expectantly, and his mind snapped back in to focus. “I don’t have a pencil,” Phil replied. The boy looked down to his hand, where he was holding a 2H pencil. “This is special. I can’t— I might have a pen?”

Phil wanted to frame the slightly wonderstruck expression the boy gave him. With his face a little warmer than it had been before, he dug through his backpack and found a pen, giving it to the new kid.

Phil looked back at his doodles. Would it be creepy if—. Before he could finish the thought, his pencil was back on paper, sketching out an oval with two lines intersecting it. He marked the eyes, then the nose, adjusted the chin, and added the hair. Before he knew it, he’d drawn the boy sitting behind him.

If the boy was a troll.

Phil flipped to the next page, trying again only this time with more space. The problem with drawing faces an inch high was that in real life, they were notably bigger, which meant that details were lost in the drawing. Sometimes the faces turned out fine. And sometimes they turned out looking like the person had just crawled out from underneath a bridge offering to grant your fondest wish in return for your first born child.

Phil scribbled out another face, this one closer to scale. It was more accurate. This time, the boy looked like he’d ran into a brick wall. He didn’t look ugly, per say, just… flat.

Phil turned to the next page, drew out another oval to act as his guide, and then turned around, looking at the boy while pretending to be looking at the clock. He was very convincing, too. However, there was no clock on the wall.

But the boy was new, he didn’t have to know that.

By the end of class, Phil had made four different drawings of him, all of them barely recognizable. The last one was more accurate, though it still wasn’t quite there.

Phil closed his notebook as the bell rang, sighing as someone taped his shoulder. “Here’s your pen back.”

Phil took it, and took the opportunity to look at the boys face again, trying to find where his features lines up with his guidelines. “You’re new, right?”

“Um, yeah.” When he smiled, little dimples formed on the sides of his cheeks. “I transferred from AHS. I’m Dan.”

“I’m Phil. Could I take a picture of you?”

“Um, what?”

“I’m in Photography,” Phil quickly lied, the muscles in his face hurting from the effort of smiling. “We just needed to take a picture of someone for a warm up.”

“Oh, I’m in Photography too!” Phil tried not to let his panic show through. “And sure, I guess. As long as it’s not for a big project or anything, I don’t really want to see my face framed in the middle of the hallway or anything.”

Phil smiled, grabbing his phone and clicking the video button. “Don’t worry about it.”

He kept the video recording for just long enough to catch Dan’s dimple on camera before turning off his phone and stuffing it in his bag.

———

Dan’s nose was practically perfect. It was very proportionate to his face. The problem Phil had been running into, Phil later found out, was his eyes. Dan’s eyes were more almond shaped, with discreet eyelids. Phil had been emphasizing his eyelids too much.

That night, in his room, Phil played the video over an over, screenshotting it at the best moments. Then he pulled out a piece of drawing paper and sketched out his face, this time with a reference picture, and kept erasing and adding to it until it was clear who the subject was.

The paper still felt too empty, so Phil sketched in some flowers around his head. He got his blending stump and darkened his cheeks, making it look like he was lightly blushing. “Yes, very kawaii,” Phil muttered.

That would be his project. And Dan would be his subject.

Though he’d have to get Dan to agree to it first. Because unlike Photography warm ups, this project would actually be hung up in the school hallway.

———

“Hey Dan!” Phil called out, jogging up next to Dan in the hallway. He turned around, smiling a little uncomfortably.

“Hey...”

“Phil,” Phil reminded him.

“Right, I knew that. Hey Phil.”

Phil would do one of the paintings with Dan laying in coffee beans. He would still do the flower one, but each painting would have a different background, Phil decided, all very soft, aesthetic things. Dan seemed very soft and aesthetic, even though he was wearing all black. Phil bet he ran a pastel tumblr blog.

Dan turned to head towards one of his classes, and Phil kept in tow with him, even though his class was on the other side of the school. “So, I was wondering. We have this project—”

“In Photography?” Dan finished. “The rule of thirds thing?”

“Um, no. In ADAPA-”

“What?”

“It’s, um, Advanced Art Design and Presentation but the letters are in the wrong order because AADP doesn’t roll of the tongue that easily. I’m doing this subject series, where I paint a person a few times. It’s very low key, and I was just wondering if I could paint you.”

Dan stopped in front of one of the English classes, giving Phil a weird look. “Why?”

“I dunno. Why not?”

Dan considered this. “Wouldn’t that be weird? You, just… painting like, two pictures of me?”

Phil didn’t correct him. “Nah, it’s pretty normal. Everyone in ADAPA is doing this project, so you won’t be the only subject or anything.”

Dan hesitated, squeezing the strap of his backpack.

“I’ll just need to take a few pictures of you. And I’ll pay you fifteen pounds,” he added.

Dan glanced into the classroom, still hesitating. “Only if you let me take a picture of you for the photography project,” he conceded, “and help me with the camera. They wouldn’t let me in the Beginning Photography class because I’m a senior, so I kinda lied about my skills. And since you’re in Photography too…” he trailed off, looking hopeful.

“Sure, no problem.” Phil hadn’t touched a camera since 6th grade. “Here, let me give you my phone number so we can set it up.”

“Great.” Dan’s cheeks were the same shade as they’d been in Phil’s drawing, only Phil’s drawing was in black and white. In real life, Dan was in full, vivid color.

———————-

“Are you okay?” Phil asked with a comforting smile, leading Dan up the stairs to his room. “You look kind of pale.”

Dan ran a hand through his curly mocha hair— it was mocha, Phil had decided— following him up the stairs. “I’m fine. I walked past the bakery on Main and it was closed. Do you think anything happened?”

Phil shrugged, leading him into his room. His dirty laundry was kicked into a corner by his bed, which was little more than a cheap box frame and small mattress. Most of the room was taken up by his art supplies, paint splattered tarp spread out underneath his desk and two easels. Notebooks and canvases sat in piles along the wall, some blank, others completely filled, mostly with paint.

“Wow,” Dan commented as he looked around. “You're a very convincing artist.”

Phil laughed. “What else would I be? Do I look like a sportsman to you?”

Dan looked him up and down, biting his lip. “No. But the tarps do suggest you may be a serial killer.”

“Well, I'm not. Unless you consider killing trees as being a serial killer. With all the supplies and paper I use, I'm probably one of the leading causes of deforestation.”

Dan snorted. “Nice.”

Phil found his phone, waving it triumphantly. “Got it. Let's go take some pictures?”

“Sure.”

“Come on. The basement has really good lighting.” Phil lead him downstairs, the silence getting awkward quickly. “What was that you were saying earlier? About… the cake shop on Main?”

“The bakery. It was closed. Do you think it could have been the same thing that happened with the funeral home?”

Phil sighed. “I hope not. I hated it enough the first time.”

“Right? I hope the police find whoever is doing it and lock them up for life. I don’t care if Mrs. Roes will recover, it’s not fucking okay.”

Phil glanced back at Dan who was following him tensely, his arms crossed. “You good?”

“‘M fine. It’s just frustrating, it’s like, what are we supposed to do about it, you know?”

Phil knew what he meant, he did. But he was more focused on the way Dan’s features curled when he was frustrated, the way his eyes changed with intensity. Dan looked angry and helpless at the same time and it was so contradictory, Phil had to do one of the paintings with this expression. He’d paint it so Dan was surrounded by blooming flowers and scowling like they did something to personally offend him.

———

Phil didn’t make a habit of lying, but he found himself lying to Dan almost as often as he told him the truth. Dan sat down on the couch and Phil adjusted his phone lense until it was just right, then pressed the record button.

“Let me know when you’re taking a picture,” Dan requested, squeezing his hands.

Phil nodded. “Three, two, one…” He twitched his thumb, pretending to touch the screen. Dan smiled falsely, holding it for a few moments then breaking it.

“So natural,” Phil commented from behind the camera. “Hey Dan, what do you call fake spaghetti?”

“I don’t know, what?”

“An im-pasta.”

Dan laughed, smiling widely enough for both of his cheek dimples to be on full display, and Phil knew he was going to be screenshotting that later.

“That’s horrible. Phil, what’s the difference between a snow-man and a snow-woman?” Dan waited a second for dramatic effect before answering: “Snowballs.”

It was Phil’s turn to crack up, the phone shaking in his grip.

“Hey, just take the pictures without telling me,” Dan decided. “Otherwise it’ll feel too fake.”

“Okay, I’ll do that. Why did the farmer win an award?” Pause. “Because he was outstanding in his field.”

———

“You certainly don’t waste your time,” Mr. Hebbs commented, peering over Phil’s shoulder. “Who’s that?”

“He’s a new student,” Phil replied without looking up from his work. He was just adding the final touches to Dan’s painted face, carefully adding a highlight. “He’s in one of your photography classes.”

“Oh. I suppose I’m just not used to seeing him with the flowers.” Mr. Hebbs scratched his jaw, thinking. “I would make sure to highlight the glabella,” he suggested after a moment.

“The… what?”

“The glabella. Right… here,” he said pointing to the space in between the painting’s eyebrows, careful not to touch it.

Phil dabbed his brush back in the paint, adding some of it to the area Mr. Hebbs had been referring to.

“How long are you planning on staying?”

Phil glanced at the clock on the wall. It was already 2:50 and school got out at 3. “How long are you going to be here? I won’t need too much more time.”

“I need to leave at the bell, but you can stay as long as you clean up, and turn off the lights and lock the door when your done. If anyone asks where I am—”

“—I’ll just say you’re in the bathroom,” Phil finished, smiling down at his painting. “As per usual.”

“Perfect.” The art teacher looked at the painting again, tilting his head to the side. “I’d add more lowlights to the hair too.”

“Can do.”

———

It happened again. Sometime that afternoon, a man had broken into the garden store a few blocks away from Phil’s neighborhood, brandishing a small handheld gun and demanding the cashier on duty give him everything in the till. The cashier went to get the code for the safe— apparently he wasn’t a very smart cashier— and the shooter opened fire. The gun only had a few rounds in it, but it was enough to shatter the front windows and stun the cashier.

Phil saw the destroyed storefront as he biked home from school, his completed painted sticking out of his book bag. The next morning, he listened as his mum read to him the article in their local paper describing the events.

“‘We recommend all small shops in the downtown area invest in panic buttons and try to have more than one person on staff whenever possible. And, until this situation is under control, we ask that all students avoid walking or biking through town on the way home from school.’ Sorry Philly, it sounds like you’re going to have to find a new way home.”

Phil slouched, cupping his cooling coffee in his hands. “Do I have to? We don’t know if they’re going to rob another shop.”

“They’ve got a gun,” Kath reminded him. “And there’s already been four incidents now.”

“They may not have all been the same person!” Phil argued, but it was futile. Kath shook her head.

“I’m sorry, but it’s just not safe.”

———

Phil was wheeling his bike out from the rack when a familiar voice called out his name. He looked up and was met with an even more familiar face- one he’d studied and recreated a few times over various types of papers and a canvas.

“Phil!” Dan called out again, jogging over, smiling widely.

“Hey!” Phil called back when Dan got closer. “What’s up?”

“Absolutely nothing,” Dan said easily, “Do you want to hang out? I’m biking home too.”

Phil smiled back. “Sure! I have work soon-ish, but I can hang out until then.”

“Nice.” Dan pulled out one of the bikes a few away from Phil, walking it around the rack. “Where do you work?”

“Hobby Lobby. It’s not very exciting, but I do get a pretty good discount on art stuff.”

“And you get money for art stuff,” Dan added. “I thought only professional artists used real canvases, aren’t they like, super expensive?”

“To someone getting paid minimum wage? Yes. But they’re not that bad.” Phil mounted his bicycle, buckling his helmet on under his chin. Dan got on his own bike, except was missing something vital.

“No helmet?”

“I’m not seven,” he teased. “No offense.”

“None taken. Because unlike you, I’m not going to crack my head open on the concrete and die before I can even graduate secondary school.”

An image flashed before Phil’s eyes of Dan laying on the pavement with a perfect stream of blood coming down from his temple. For a moment, he really wanted to paint it, before he realized that was probably not the appropriate reaction. He shook the thought away.

“Ooh, fighting words,” Dan teased as they carefully pedaled away from the school. “Do you wanna race?”

The image flashed before Phil’s eyes again, except this time Dan was smiling, his lip bloodied. Imagination-Dan winked at him.

“You’re on,” Phil responded to Real Life Dan, the one that had just challenged him to a race. “After this street, we race until we get to the park, deal?”

“Deal.”

As soon as they crossed the street, Dan took off, speeding down the way. Phil pushed harder, pounding at the pedals until he was almost in line with Dan. Dan glanced behind him, and upon seeing Phil, laughed, pushing to go even faster.

“Slow down! Let me— let me pass!”

Dan let his feet up from the pedals, the wheels still spinning at about 200 rotations a minute as he thundered down the street. Phil kept pushing until he was side by side with Dan, the park within view.

Then Dan’s feet hit the pedals again and it was all over.

———

Phil arranged the canvases in the way they’d be set up once he was done. They were all slightly different sizes and lined up perfectly with about two centimeters between each one, so they ended up as a large square shaped collage. Only one was done so far, the one with the flowers. It had Dan with his head slightly tilted, looking off to the side with his lips pressed closed. Dan’s skin ended up a little paler than it was in real life, with his cheeks and lips a little extra pink to complement the flowers. His hair was softer looking than real life, the individual hairs not emphasized. All in all, he looked more like a porcelain doll than Phil had intended, but he wasn’t one to complain.

Phil typed up the card for it:

Phil Lester Subject Series: Ethereal (adj): extremely delicate and light in a way that seems too perfect for this world.

One down, four to go.

———

Phil waited for most of the students to leave the classroom, looking out for one in particular. But soon no one else really seemed to be leaving, so Phil shuffled over to the door, peeking in carefully like he was doing something he could get in trouble for. In reality, the only person he could actually get in trouble with was Mr. Hebbs, for leaving his independent study early to walk to the other side of the school. Except Mr. Hebbs didn’t care about things like that, so really, Phil’s caution was very unnecessary.

A few people remained in the class, putting away props or talking in small groups. Phil scanned it until he saw the familiar black shirt and brown hair. He hadn’t ever draw Dan from this perspective before- well actually, he’d really only drawn his portrait. Phil could do one where Dan’s arms were crossed in front and his back was bare. Backs were so cool to draw.

But that might look like Phil was looking for an excuse to draw Dan shirtless, which was not a normal friend thing to do, so he scrapped the idea.

(That was a lie. He actually put it in the ‘Work In Progress’ folder in his brain.)

The group Dan was talking to dispersed, and he looked down at his phone, completely oblivious to Phil creeping up behind him.

“Rah!”

Dan stumbled forwards, fumbling with his phone. When he met Phil’s gaze, his eyes were wide. “Phi-il!”

Phil stuck out his tongue as he laughed. “You voice just went up, like, two octaves!”

Dan brushed off his pants dramatically, not smiling, but not quite scowling either. “What do you want, pleb, now that you almost made me piss myself.”

Phil was still smiling. “You biking home? We could go together, you could come over if you want. It’s a lot more boring biking now that I have to go the long way around town.”

“I should shun you for scaring me like that. Alas, you still owe me fifteen pounds, so I shall wait until I’ve been paid to shun you.”

“Fifteen pounds?”

Dan smiled. “For modeling for you,” he said sweetly, pushing his curly fringe out of his face flirtatiously.

“So you’re not just doing that out of the goodness of your heart?” Phil joked.

“The goodness of my heart?” Dan scoffed. “Nonsense! I’ll have you know, Lester, that my heart is made out of pure coal.”

“Right. So, are you biking with me or not?”

“It depends. Do you have the money?”

“At home,” Phil promised, then cringed. “This feels dirty. Like you’re my drug dealer or something.”

“Daniel?” The teacher called out from behind her desk. “Are you leaving now?” A quick scan around confirmed that besides the teacher, they were the only ones left in the class.

“Oh, yes, sorry!” Dan rushed over to grab his backpack and he and Phil sped-walked out of the class. When Phil looked at Dan next, his cheeks were the same color as the tulips Kath liked to keep on their kitchen table, or #15 in his acrylic set. “Oops.”

———

They rode their bikes back to Phil’s house, then played video games there until Dan had to go home. He said a polite hello to Kath on his way out, and gave Phil a little wave goodbye.

“Who was that?” Kath asked after Dan had left.

Phil smiled casually. “That’s Dan, he’s a new student at school. I’m doing a painting project with him- well, of him.”

“Oh, what will it look like?”

“A few different pictures of him with different backgrounds that represent him. It’ll be mostly really soft pastel things.”

Kath looked back at the door even though Dan was long gone. “Huh. He didn’t really strike me as soft, especially with all that black.” Phil was about to argue when she cut him off. “But you’re the artist, do whatever you think would look best.”

———

Phil had set up his phone when Dan had left to go to the bathroom. The video was only four minutes long, but it had some good moments in it. Phil had stationed his phone under the tv so it filmed their faces straight on. He paused it a few times, screenshotting, until he got to the perfect point.

Phil stared at the image for a few moments. No. He couldn’t.

The picture was of Dan biting the video game controller, his competitiveness getting the best of him. Originally, he’d bitten the controller as a way to make fun of Phil’s habit of doing just that when the game got too stressful, but before long he was doing it without realizing it. The shot was very, very real, very candid, very original. It was also not pastel.

Oh well. Surely, Phil could put some sort of spin on it so it’d fit his theme. He wanted these painting to really represent Dan’s personality, that soft side he’d seen earlier in the day when the teacher embarrassed him. The real Dan.

He pulled out canvas number two and got ready to go to work.

———

Another store was broken into, though this time the criminal left without stealing anything. Phil didn’t bother reading the full article, scanning for the important parts. He’d have to continue taking the long way home, and the small store owners downtown would have to continue spending their money on security that shouldn’t be needed instead of more important things. The identity of the shooter remained unknown.

“I hate this,” Dan ranted, dumping out the dirty water with so much force that Phil almost felt the need to protect his canvas. “How dare they? I heard that it might be more than one person doing it, too.”

“Like, a gang?”

Dan scowled, shaking his head. “Worse. People saw one person doing it and getting away with it, plus getting a bunch of media coverage. It’s a low life’s dream.”

“I heard there’s going to be a protest later,” Phil recalled. “A bunch of the business owners are marching down to the police station and asking them why they aren’t doing more.”

“Meanwhile, people are in the hospital, and the government hasn’t even mentioned it.” Dan sighed, rubbing his hands on his pants. “I don’t hate the government or anything, but they’re completely pointless if they’re idle. There are people out there with guns, literally shooting people and causing chaos, and our leaders are silent.”

———

The second painting took longer to make. Phil wanted this one more realistic and it as harder to paint the way Dan was biting the controller.

When it was done, he typed up the description on the document with the other one:

Phil Lester Subject Series: Zealous (adj.): having great energy or enthusiasm in pursuit of a cause or an objective.

———

“We don’t think that there will be any attempted robberies on our store, armed or otherwise,” the balding manager explained. “However, it is important to go over procedures like these from time to time. If an armed robber enters the store and demands money, we ask that you are complacent. There is a panic button under each of the registers that you can press, which will alert the police station.”

“Will an alarm sound?”

The officer standing next to the manager adjusted her ponytail. “No. The panic button won’t set off any alarms or give you away.”

Someone directly behind Phil spoke up, startling him slightly. “Has a panic button ever worked?”

The officer smiled reassuringly. “They haven’t been used much in our city, but earlier this week one was pressed by mistake, so we are assured that they work just fine.”

Phil’s phone buzzed in his pocket and he slipped it out, checking the screen.

From: Dan Do you wanna hang out Saturday?

From: Phil I thought you had work?

From: Dan Lol I was fired

From: Phil Why???

From: Dan … They didn’t like the way I dusted We on for Saturday??

From: Phil Sure

———

“It’s perfect. Phil, can you help me get the camera ready? I want to take your picture under the cherry blossom tree.”

Phil made a face. It turned out Dan hadn’t just intended to make Phil pay him for his ‘modeling’, but planned to make Phil follow through with the entire deal. That meant Phil had to be the model for a change, so Dan could take pictures of him for his art project, in the advanced photography class Dan was underqualified for. And Phil had to help him use the camera, because, oh right, Phil had lied to him about being in a photography class too. Phil couldn’t even remember why he lied, but he did, and now he was eating his words.

They went up to the tree and Dan inspected it with a critical gaze. Phil did too, but for a different reason. “No way this is a cherry blossom tree. Do those even grow here?”

Dan shrugged, tilting his head to the side as he looked at the tree. “I don’t know what it is, but here it is. Can you stand by the trunk?”

Phil stood by the trunk and Dan handed him the camera expectantly. Phil fiddled with it, pretending that he knew what he was doing, though he probably wasn’t very convincing, as it took him about three minutes to realize the reason nothing was showing up on the screen was because the lense cap was still on.

After at least another ten minutes, they had the camera working and adjusted to the sunlight.

“What was the assignment again?” Phil asked, getting progressively more nervous the more Dan fiddled with the camera.

“Rule of thirds or something, idk. I’m pretty sure it’s just making sure you have three focal points, which I have. You, the tree trunk, and the flowers.”

Phil shuffled uncomfortably. He may not have held a camera since sixth grade, but the rule of thirds was not exclusive to Photography. “I think you’re thinking about something else. The rule of thirds is where the subject of the art only takes up one third of the space.”

Dan looked up from the camera, genuinely surprised. “Oh. I guess I’ll have to back up then.” He ducked under the drooping ribbons of pink flowers and Phil listened to his footsteps walks away, chewing on his lip nervously.

“Should I come out, or—?”

“No, that’s perfect! Move your feet together!”

Phil did as he was told. He stood so his feet were almost together, with both of his hands hanging limply by his side. He tried to make a normal face, though he wasn’t sure how Dan could see him through the thick flowers.

After a long minute, Dan exclaimed “Got it!”

Phil happily ducked under the flowery branches, meeting Dan on the other side where he showed him the viewfinder of the camera. Phil blinked. “It’s…”

“It’s cool, right? I feel so hipster and artsy.”

“It’s cool,” Phil agreed, still taking it in. The picture didn’t have his face- in fact, it hardly had his torso at all. The picture showed the entirety of the blossom tree, framed on either sky with an intense blue sky, darker than normal as the sun just barely began to set. Underneath trees flowers were Phil’s legs with his hands on either side. “Yeah. I like it a lot.”

Dan smiled widely, taking the camera back and flipping through the pictures. “Thanks! I’ll have to choose my favorite one and then edit it, which I don’t actually know how to do-”

“Hey Dan?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I see the camera for a second?”

Dan gave him a curious look but handed it over. Phil messed with it for a second before finding the off switch and putting it back in its case, carefully hiding in in his backpack he’d left on the grass.

“Phil-”

Phil looked up, giving Dan a small, almost sad smile. “Hey Dan?”

Dan swallowed. “Yeah?”

“You’re it!” Phil clumsily tapped Dan on the shoulder, sprinting past him.

Dan was so shocked it took him a moment to react. “What! Lester!”

Phil laughed, trying to run faster, but within moments Dan was gaining. “How are you so fast?! On a bike is one thing, but-” Phil cut himself off with an annoyed noise as Dan smacked him on the arm, turning and sprinting in the other direction. “Agh!”

Dan’s laugh echoed as he ran away, Phil in hot pursuit. “You’ll never catch me! I am the jolteon of humans!”

Phil cupped his hands around his mouth as he yelled “Nerd!”

Dan turned, running along the edge of a small grassy hill. “Slowpoke!”

Phil forced himself to run even faster, despite his aching lungs. He refused to lose to Dan again.

He swiped at Dan, mumbling in annoyance when he missed. Dan cackled, turning his head to look back at Phil. He turned back and immediately stumbled, tripping and rolling. Phil tried to stop so quickly he ended up stumbling over the same rock and found himself toppling down the hill, the entire world becoming a blur of grass and sky. He’d seen photos that people had taken as then rolled down grassy hills like this one, and for the first time in a long time, he found the urge to get into photography again.

He gave up trying to slow his descent and gave in, tucking his arms in to protect his face and letting his body speed up.

There was the blue and there was the green, the green that was the true definition of ‘grassy green’ and Phil had never thought it was that nice of a color but it really was. Then there was the slight dizziness, and the unmistakable sound of Dan laughing, and Phil found himself not minding the downhill lull anymore.

He slowed to a stop as the hill flattened out. One more half roll and he was face to face with Dan, laying on the soft ground with grass in his hair, trying to hide his wide smile with his hands.

Phil didn’t even try to hide his smile, rolling over a little and tapping Dan lightly. “You’re it.”

———

The painting showed Dan with grass in his hair, grinning from ear to ear as the bright blue sky blurred behind him.

Celeste (adj): belonging or relating to heaven.

———

Phil pushed the door open hesitantly, looking around. As soon as they heard the door open, a large woman hurried over to the sandwich counter. “Hi, how can I help you?”

Dan followed Phil in, both still looking around. “Um, hi, are you open?”

“We are. Though we haven’t been getting much traffic lately.”

“Since the shootings,” Dan translated grimly.

She nodded solemnly. “Unfortunately. But the sandwiches are as good as ever, what can I get for you?”

They ordered, paying individually then going to table to eat their sandwiches. “I’m getting closer to finishing the paintings,” Phil announced. “The theme I was going for was kind of lost, but I think it will still be fine. What’d… the Photography teacher say about the cherry blossom picture?”

Dan had just taken a huge bite of his sandwich right before Phil asked him, and he made a face, trying to swallow it but failing to. “She liked it,” he answered when he’d gotten most of it down. He wiped his mouth, swallowing again. “She wants to hang it in one of the hallways for the rest of the semester.”

Phil choked on his sandwich. “Actually?”

Dan smirked. “Literally all you can see of you is your legs and hands. And it’s a good picture, you shouldn’t be self conscious.”

“But still… I don’t know how I feel about my picture being in the hallway.”

Dan leaned on his elbow, smiling at Phil a little too sweetly. “Mr. Hebbs was setting up the folding panels to display your classes latest project on. Which I believe is the Subject Series, with my face in literally every single painting of yours.”

“Oh.”

“It’s fine. You can hang up my pictures if I can hang up yours.”

“Deal.”

They talked for a little longer until they finished their sandwiches and brought the wrappers to the trash. The woman from earlier came over, wiping down the table. “Thanks,” Phil said. “The sandwiches were great.”

“I’m glad you liked them!”

“Do you mind if we hang out here for a while?” Dan asked, looking around. Besides the sandwich counter, there were a few rows of shelves with different fancy looking foods stacked on it.

“Go for it, I’ll just be cleaning up back here but if you need anything, let me know! My name’s Bertha.”

They looked around for a while. There was a shelf full of fancy olives that they looked at, making fun of the names and trying to make bad innuendos with some of them.

“Extra stuffed. Mmm.”

Phil shoved him gently, smiling. “What about this one? ‘Chopped red’.”

Dan shivered, “it sounds like a murder scene.”

“Did I show you that thing?” Phil wondered aloud.

“‘That thing?’”

“The… goose thing? Here, I’ll show you.” Phil pulled up the article on his phone, handing it over to Dan who began to read it quietly. It was so quiet that when the door opened, they both heard it clearly.

Loud footsteps and then the sound of something being dropped on the counter. “Anyone there?” A gruff male voice said.

“I’ll be right there!” Bertha replied, hurrying over. “What can I-” she stopped mid sentence.

Phil peered through the wire shelves, trying to see what was happening. There was another row of shelves between them and the other customer, making it difficult, and even when Phil managed to see through them, it took a moment to process. He’d seen guns on tv, and he’d seen bigger guns carried by police in other countries, but it was the first one he’d ever seen in England. It was so small, so unassuming, but still it made Bertha’s smile drop and the color from her face drain. He gestured towards his bag and she opened the cash register, slowly moving the money into his bag. There wasn’t much there.

Phil tapped Dan urgently, covering his mouth for a second when Dan opened it to say something. He pointed to what was happening, and watched as Dan went from confusion to shock to something else.

The man turned around, walking over to the shelves where they were hidden. Phil gestured for them to crouch. That was what you were always supposed to do, you were supposed to crouch, make yourself smaller, do your best to hide. Escape if you could, but if that wasn’t an option, then learn to breathe a little quieter.

And Dan, poor Dan. Poor pastel-souled, gentle Dan, with his soft curls and brushed pink cheeks. He stared at the man through the shelves intensely, not even blinking. He held his phone so tightly his knuckles were white.

The man was less than a meter from them. Phil squeezed his eyes shut, staying perfectly still as the steps got closer. A small gun and an even smaller bullet and just like that, it would all be over.

But the bullet didn’t come. Phil opened his eyes and immediately caught onto the dirty jeans on the other side of the shelf. He hadn’t seen them.

Dan nudged him, making intense eye contact and holding a finger in front of his own mouth, then he stood. Phil tried to pull him back down, but Dan just carefully stepped away, knowing Phil wouldn’t dare make a noise at a time like this.

“That’s all there is,” Bertha announced in a monotone. The man turned around quickly and for a moment Dan was frozen. Then he kept moving, walking slowly to the side of the shelves.

“You think I’m fucking stupid? Where’s the rest?”

“There isn’t any—”

The man pointed the gun straight through the shelf, right at her. “I know how these businesses work. There’s always a safe.”

Bertha was a statue. “There isn’t a safe. Or if there is, I don’t know where it is, I’m new—” the man cocked the gun and Bertha became more desperate. “Honest! I have money, I’ll get you that, but there isn’t—”

“Get me your money. All of it. Then we’ll take a look around and see if we can find the safe, and you’d better hope we can.” He brought the gun back down, but didn’t put it away.

Phil didn’t dare turn around, but he could feel Dan standing next to him, as still as a statue. The man turned around, picking something up off of the shelf, and that’s when Dan made his move.

He walked forwards quickly, raising his phone in his hand and slamming it down on the man’s head. He stumbled forwards, more annoyed than hurt, and Dan jumped on his back, wrapping an arm around his throat. Then it was all a blur- the man yelled out, Bertha was calling 999, the man lifted the gun, Phil stood up, Dan grabbed a can of extra stuffed and broke it over his head. The gun went off, another broken jar of olives to the man’s face, there was a fight and it didn’t seem anyone was winning and then they toppled into the first metal shelf and five dozen jars of fancy sandwich toppings rained down on them, followed by the shelf. They fell to the ground, crushed under the heavy shelf. Then Dan was free and the man was almost free, but Dan had an aluminum can of something in his shaking hands that he brought down on the man’s head with a “Fuck! You!”

Then there was the police and Dan was in handcuffs and the man was unconscious and Phil was still just standing there.

———

Phil had finished all five of the paintings.

They were completed, all with their printed out labels. The hallway was quiet as Phil carefully hung them on the folding platform, arranged just as he’d planned from the beginning. There was the Ethereal painting with soft, porcelain Dan; the zealous painting with Dan gnawing on the gaming control; and the celestial painting, with a smiling Dan laying at the bottom of that hill with grass in his mocha curls.

Then there were the two other paintings, the newer ones. The fourth painting was a side profile of Dan with shadows covering half of his face. The side of his face that could be see was deathly intense, a somber anger that Phil had failed to identify that day in the sub shop. That painting was tilted Undaunted (adj): not intimidated or discouraged by difficulty, danger, or disappointment.

The final painting was of Dan a week after the incident. They were walking along an empty school hallway after class had ended. Dan was wearing a black hoodie, his hands in his pockets. He stood tall with a confidence that Phil supposed was always there, but he’d never really noticed. The painting was from the front perspective, with Dan smiling that smile he only really gave to Phil, his head tilted to the side.

Dan had been walking beside him, maybe a little in front. He turned around, giving Phil that fond smile. “I feel like you have the wrong idea of me. Like, you think I’m this shy, timid person or something, or like I’m really innocent or soft or something.”

Dan hadn’t gotten in trouble for attacking the man with the gun. He’d been told he should’ve avoided confrontation if possible, but he didn’t get in trouble with anyone besides his mom, who’d given him a ‘stern talking to’.

Phil had wiped his hands on his shirt. “I don't think that,” he lied. Sometimes it seemed as though he only lied around Dan.

“Okay. Just checking.”

Phil adjusted the last canvas, the painting from that day.

Enigmatic (adj): difficult to interpret or understand.

He stepped back, admiring his work. It was the first time he’d seen them all together. Ethereal, zealous, celestial, undaunted, enigmatic. Soft, competitive, radiant, unyielding, mysterious.

Mr. Hebbs came up beside him, admiring the work with a quiet appreciation. Phil crossed his arms, feeling the exhaustion from the last few weeks finally set it.

“He looks so different in each one,” Mr. Hebbs commented quietly. “Which one is he really?”

Phil looked at each painting again, individually. Soft, competitive, radiant, unyielding, mysterious.

He sniffled. “I don’t know.”

The End.

#highschool #highschool!au #high school #phan #dan and phil #the #subject #series #phanfic #phanfiction #prb #phandom reverse bang #fanfic

70 notes · View notes

obsessive-fics · 6 years

Text

you’re gonna be my wound-chapter nine

Title: No One is Alone

Rating: T

Word Count: 1.9k

A/N: Warnings this chapter for discussions of suicide/loss, and thank you to @yourfriendlyblogstalker for beta reading

[Read on Ao3]

[Previous Chapter]

[Masterlist]

The show was getting closer and closer, which meant rehearsals were getting more intense. Phil was practically reciting his lines in his sleep. He said as much to Dodie, who laughed and nodded.

“Same. It’s gotten to the point where I’m overthinking my lines… Like, when Ilse goes. ‘I’ll brush your hair and sit you on my little hobby horse,’ am I doing it right? Like, is the innuendo clear?” she asked, holding up her script.

“I think you’re good,” Phil replied laughing.

“Hey guys, sorry to interrupt, but Ms.Jay wants you to go over your song before rehearsal,” Amy, the final year who was conducting for this production explained, walking over to them.

“Oh! Yeah, yeah, we’ll be right over,” Dodie said quickly, jumping out of her seat, and Amy laughed.

“It’s okay, take your time. I’ll be at the piano,” Amy replied, smiling at her and walking over to the stage.

“Oh my God, kill me,” Dodie groaned, slumping into her seat.

“What’s wrong?” Phil asked, confused, “I thought you liked Amy.”

“I do like Amy… I really like Amy. Way too much to feel okay singing in front of her,” Dodie explained, looking over to where Amy was setting up at the piano.

“Oh! You mean you like Amy,” Phil replied, the realization dawning on him.

“Shut up!” Dodie exclaimed looking around, and then turning back to him. “What are you, twelve?”

“Sorry, sorry. Well, maybe you should ask her out,” Phil suggested, shrugging.

“Are you insane?” Dodie exclaimed, looking horrified.

“What? What’s the worst that could happen?” Phil asked, and Dodie gave him a look he was coming to learn meant a rant was incoming.

“Lots of things! She could laugh in my face, I could trip and fall without ever even getting the question out, she could say no and they every rehearsal after this could be insanely awkward…” she rattled off, counting on her fingers, and Phil laughed.

“You’re definitely overthinking this.”

“I am not! These are all very valid concerns. Besides, I’ve… never asked someone out before,” Dodie said quietly, looking down.

“Never?” Phil asked, and Dodie shrugged sheepishly.

“I usually just wait for the other person to say something,” she admitted.

“That’s all the more reason to ask her,” Phil said excitedly. “If nothing else, it’ll get you over your fear of asking.”

“Alright, I’ll tell you what,” Dodie said after a minute, “I will ask Amy out- after opening night. But you have to do something that scares you too.”

“Done. Don’t know what I’m gonna do though. Nothing scares me,” Phil said jokingly, and Dodie laughed and shoved him.

“Come on, be serious,” she urged him.

“I mean, just doing this show has been pretty terrifying.”

“Phil! Dodie, come on, what’s taking you so long?” Amy called, interrupting them.

“Sorry!” they called back, and headed for the stage.

“Ms.Jay is running late, so we’re gonna start with the smaller numbers- duets, solos, until she gets here,” Amy explained to them, and Phil made a mental note to tease Dodie later about how she was hanging onto her every word.

“We can skip your dialogue in between for now, but Ms.Jay is probably going to want to see it all, so be ready,” Amy continued, and they nodded. “Perfect. Let’s get started.”

Amy started to play, and Phil went over the words really quickly in his head, and reminded himself that he had to sing in character. Moritz had failed, and he felt like his life was over. He’d never been taught how to handle negative emotions, leading him to jump to suicide as a response to everything. Okay, here goes.

Awful sweet to be a little butterfly

Just wingin’ over things, and nothing deep inside

Nothin’ goin’, goin’ wild in you, you know

You’re slowin’ by the riverside or floatin’ high and blue

“That was really good!” Amy told him when he finished his portion of the song, “you’re getting really good at singing in character. Okay, Dodie, ready?”

Dodie nodded, and Amy started to play again.

Spring and summer

Every other day

Blue wind gets so sad

Dodie’s voice was so soft and peaceful, it was easy to get swept up in it when she sang. Her delivery on this song was perfect, she really understood Ilse and what she was feeling. Phil felt lucky he got to do this song with her.

“That was amazing, Dodie. You guys ready to do it together?” Amy asked after Dodie finished singing. The last part of this song was both of them singing their portions of it simultaneously, and it had been a complete trainwreck the first time they’d attempted it. But they’d been working really hard on it, and Phil felt like it was in a good place. Amy resumed playing the piano, and they started to sing.

“That was amazing, you guys! So many people are going to cry during your scene,” Amy said excitedly, miming wiping a tear from her eye, and Dodie laughed.

“Thanks,” she said, blushing and looking down.

“Of course. Now, can you send Louise over? I want to run “Whispering” with her,” Amy requested, and Dodie nodded and gave her a thumbs up.

“You got it!” she said, and Phil caught the exact moment she cringed. He was a good friend though, so he didn’t say anything until they were offstage and out of earshot of Amy, causing Dodie to glare at him and slap him on the arm.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m here, I’m here!” Ms.Jay called, bursting into the auditorium. “I’m so sorry I’m late, that’s not the example I want to set for all of you.”

On instinct, Dan turned to his right to ask Louise to place her bets on why Ms.Jay was late, but she was onstage running one of her solos. Instead, he walked over to where Phil was sitting with PJ and Dodie.

“How’d your song go?” he asked, leaning against one of the chairs in the row in front of them.

“Good! It went good. I mean well. It went well,” Phil rambled, looking up at him, and… blushing? That was new. Before he could really process what was happening, Ms.Jay was calling them to attention.

“Can I have Moritz and Ilse please? I’d like to run all of Act II Scene 2, including “Don’t Do Sadness/Blue Wind.” Everyone not onstage is watching and critiquing,” Ms.Jay instructed, and then went to stand in the front row.

“That’s me,” Phil said, standing up, and smiling at him sheepishly.

“Break a leg,” Dan replied, smiling back.

“You two are actually nauseating,” PJ broke in, and Phil turned to glare at him before getting up on stage. Dan took Phil’s seat next to PJ and watched Phil and Dodie get ready to run their scene.

The scene was going perfectly well- the song sounded amazing, and Phil and Dodie really did have good chemistry on stage. It was all going perfectly, until Dodie made her exit.

“For the love of God, all I had to do was say yes. Ilse? Ilse!” Phil called, running back and forth onstage. He stood and waited, before looking off to the wings, resigned. Dan was on the edge of his seat- he hadn’t seen Phil do this monologue yet, and he was kind of excited to see what he’d bring to it.

“So what will I say? I’ll tell them all, the angels, I got drunk in the snow, and sang, and played pirates,” Phil recited, stepping forward to center stage. “Yes, I’ll tell them… I’ll… I’ll tell them…”

“Do you need your line?” Ms.Jay asked when Phil trailed off, and looked down.

“No, I know the line, I just…” Phil started, and then trailed off. His hands were shaking.

“Is he okay?” Dan asked PJ worriedly.

“I don’t know. I don’t think so,” PJ replied, sounding equally as worried.

“I need a minute. Please,” Phil asked Ms.Jay, and she nodded.

“We’ll take it from right here when you get back. Let me know if you need anything, okay?” she asked, and Phil nodded and hurried offstage.

Without really thinking about it, Dan followed him. He eventually found him backstage in the props room, holding the fake gun Moritz was supposed to shoot himself with.

“Are you okay?” he asked, sticking his head in the door.

“You know I still don’t know what happened? Not really, anyway. His mum called me to tell me he was gone, but she didn’t… she didn’t say how,” Phil said, still looking down at the gun.

“Does it matter?” Dan asked gently, stepping fully into the room.

“No, I guess it doesn’t. You always think you could’ve stopped it somehow. I thought I was helping, but maybe… maybe I wasn’t trying hard enough, you know?” Phil replied, looking up at him for the first time with glassy blue eyes.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Dan said immediately, but Phil waved him off.

“Moritz reminds me of him. The first time I read the script, I was like, ‘that’s him, that’s Zach.’ And I was so excited when I got the part, I thought I could like… do it in his memory. But standing there, in front of all of those people? Actually having to pretend I’m someone who’s going to take their own life? I couldn’t stop thinking about him, and how he must have been feeling and I just… lost it.”

Dan was at a complete loss for words. Phil had never been that open with him- about anything. When they talked, it was always about the show, or Buffy, or a video game they both liked. This… This was uncharted territory.

“Can I hug you?” he asked after a minute, and Phil nodded. Dan walked over and wrapped his arms around him, still trying to figure out the right thing to say here.

“You’re thinking so loud,” Phil laughed after a minute.

“Sorry, I just wish I could be more help. I’m not very good at things like this,” Dan admitted apologetically.

“You’re helping a lot right now, actually,” Phil told him. He didn’t quite understand how, he was just standing here, hugging and overthinking.

“I can do the scene. I didn’t think about how it was going to affect me, but I know now. I can do it,” Phil said, sounding determined.

“If you’re sure,” Dan answered, letting go of him reluctantly.

“I’m sure. Thanks, Dan,” Phil said, putting the gun back on the shelf and heading out of the room. Dan watched him go, the realization hitting him like a ton of bricks. He liked Phil. He really liked Phil.Fuck.

Back in the auditorium, Phil was delivering his monologue beautifully.

“Yes, I’ll tell them, I’m ready now. I’ll be an angel.” Phil- as Moritz, took a deep breath, and looked down at his hand, making the shape of a gun with it.

“Ten minutes ago, you could see the entire horizon. Now, only the dusk- the first few stars… So dark. So dark. So dark…” he trailed off, holding his hand up to his head in the shape of a gun.

“And blackout! Phil, that was brilliant,” Ms.Jay told him, clapping excitedly. “Are you okay to run the scene again, or do you want to wait for the next rehearsal?”

“I can go again,” Phil told her, nodding, and Dan didn’t know if this was wishful thinking or not, but he could’ve sworn Phil smiled over at him.

Next Chapter

#phanfiction #Phanfic #phanfic au #phan au

2 notes · View notes

jestbee · 7 years

Text

June 28: Ships that pass in the night (Chapter Eight)

56 notes · View notes

dangelics · 7 years

Text

Anticipation

Hello everyone! This is my first phanfic to be posted on my shiny new tumblr, wow, isn’t it nice and monochromatic? Go me. Anyhoo, I wanted to kick this page off with tooth rotting fluff, so let’s get going, shall we?

This isn’t meant to be a song fic, but I absolutely adore the song For You by Angus and Julia Stone (link) I recommend you listen to it while you read, just because I love the song and I think it is lovely to listen to while reading this.

*Note - I like to use the Read More feature so people can easily scroll past if they are not interested. Oftentimes the Read More feature hates mobile users, so that is why I also put my fics on AO3, the link is right below this!

AO3 link here.

Summary: When Daniel James Howell was brought into this world, he was another person to be lost into the sea of humanity. Someone who broke away from the sea of humanity only to harbor the sea in his eyes showed Dan the potential for the world, what he could do, who he could become.

Genre: Tooth rotting fluff!

Sparing one last glance into the full length mirror before him, Dan breathes out a soft sigh, a smile just big enough to make his dimple visible playing on his lips. His mind is a flurry of emotions - excitement, fear, happiness, nervousness. He worries his suit doesn’t flatter him right, he worries his hair is a mess of curls that just doesn’t work today, he worries he’ll trip on his way to where he needs to be. Despite that, he finds a confidence within himself, a confidence that tells him what he is doing is right, and he can’t help but to recall all sorts of events that have led to this very moment, events that he never could have anticipated within his life.

He never could have anticipated an internet idol responding to him.

He never could have anticipated finding a best friend in an internet idol.

He never could have anticipated falling in love.

He never could have anticipated being loved in return.

He never could have anticipated becoming a content creator.

He never could have anticipated himself becoming successful in this world.

???

Even now, years later, he can remember these events like they were all recent.

It occurred late at night. Having graduated, school was no longer a hindrance to Dan achieving his dreams of having the world’s worst sleep schedule. He was free to stay up till five in the morning and sleep in until two in the afternoon - and those particular hours of sleep had become a common occurrence for the male. He could waste hours just listening to music, watching YouTube videos, reading, whatever he could have wanted to, really. On occasion, if he was feeling particularly brave, he would send a tweet in the direction of a YouTube content creator he watched on a regular basis - AmazingPhil.

1.He never could have anticipated an internet idol responding to him.

When it had initially happened, Dan was ecstatic. Phil Lester had responded to him. It was a shock that not only Dan had been noticed, but that this was a reminder to him that Phil really is a human being, he is a real person that Dan could interact with. He wasn’t a character, a face on a screen. He remembers smiling more than he had in what felt like his entire life, rereading the single tweet several times. One reply turned into a series of conversations, leading to a friendship with skype messaging and calling.

2. He never could have anticipated finding a best friend in an internet idol.

It became an everyday thing, Dan and Phil contacting one another. They would make sure to video chat at the very least once a week, though it typically ended up being more. Even over a computer screen Dan could see the way Phil’s tongue would poke out between his teeth slightly when he laughs, the crinkles beside his eyes when he smiles, the subtle pursing of his lips when he focuses. He relished in it all, taking mental notes of all the things he daydreamed about seeing more of.

3. He never could have anticipated falling in love.

It wasn’t until Phil proposed the idea that they meet in person that Dan realized all of his mental notes, all of his daydreams meant that he was in love, a deep, all consuming love that made him yearn to see Phil, hear his voice, exist within his presence. They spent days together, days of talking on and on about nothing and everything at the same time, and those are memories that Dan will always treasure within his mind.

4. He never could have anticipated being loved in return.

They were on a ferris wheel when Phil told him he loved Dan. They were on top of the world, in a cart at the top of the ride, overlooking city lights at night. After that, their conversations shifted to include whispered I love you’s, compliments on the looks and personalities of one another, dreams and comforts and Dan took it all in like a sponge, absorbing this brightness into his life.

5. He never could have anticipated becoming a content creator.

Phil breathed confidence, love, and life into Dan’s existence. He convinced Dan that he could make videos, that it is okay to not stay in school like everyone expected him to. Participating in law school tried to take away the happiness Dan was building up, and with his videos becoming more successful and Phil by his side, Dan decided to give up on what his parents wanted - they wanted Dan the lawyer, Dan wanted happiness. Phil could give that to him, along with Dan’s growing career as a content creator.

6. He never could have anticipated himself becoming successful in this world.

He dropped out of school. He was happy, living in an apartment with his doting boyfriend and amassing a nice following of supportive people, not to mention the fact that Dan had actually made friends through his videos. As a drop out, it was expected of Dan to be a failure in life, but a hobby he and Phil shared became something amazing. Millions of people saw them, admired them, went to see them in an international tour and bought their book.

Looking back on it, Dan breathes out a laugh at the thought of teenage Dan catching wind of all he has done in his life so far. He knows he has so much potential still, more potential to succeed, to find more happiness. It is a crazy thought - a lanky, awkward teenage boy has managed to grow up, find his soulmate, find support from literally millions of people, become someone he had dreamed about being. It truly is a happy ending, all because Phil had shown Dan that it was okay to not be what everyone expects. Dan knows his story is not over, and he knows Phil’s story isn’t either, as they are simply adding a new chapter to their lives together.

Dan steps around the corner, his small smile instantly becoming a blinding ray of light as again, something he never could have anticipated happening is taking place, here and now, down an aisle before him.

7. ??? - He never could have anticipated thinking Phil looks more handsome than he ever has, standing beside that altar.

“Phil.” It is a small breath, a mere practiced whisper that falls from his lips at the sight of his fiance, so close yet so far away. Dan feels like a young child, resisting the itching urge to run towards Phil, hug the man, and kiss him like his life depends on it. He knows weddings have a structure, he knows he can’t just run ahead of his father who offers his arm to him - but that doesn’t keep Dan from thinking about it.

Soft music plays around him, flower petals are strewn about and lights are twinkling in a romantic setting, but Dan can’t take his eyes off of Phil, he can’t see or take in anything else. Each step he takes, every moment he gets closer to his beloved, Dan recalls memories. Memories of making snow angels, memories of shy first kisses, memories of hot cocoa being consumed after a hair straightening mishap, memories of late night existential whispers being overtaken by the positive force that is Phil Lester. The gift of the world Phil Lester that is there, so close, offering Dan his hand. Dan is often a guy who overthinks every little thing before he acts, but he doesn’t even think twice before taking Phil’s hand, walking up those few small steps to be level with him.

Dan winds up being so entranced by the masterpiece of Phil Lester that it causes quite a few laughs when he is beckoned to speak up, to repeat vows and give his own, and he hadn’t even realized he was being spoken to until a gentle squeeze of his hand and Phil’s amused voice breaks through his pleasant haze of nostalgia and excitement for the future. No matter the situation, it seems Dan is capable of behaving in an awkward fashion at all times.

Upon being given the go ahead to recite his vows, the embarrassment of the previous few moments seem to melt away as again, Dan is overtaken by his pure love and reverence for the male before him, the man meeting his gaze with such soft and adoring eyes.

“Philip Michael Lester: The clumsiest, dorkiest, silliest, handsomest, hungriest, kindest man to ever walk planet Earth. Not only that, but he is also the smartest, most original, most talented man. I thought I was going to be forced to a life where I would not be happy, because it is expected of everyone to go to college, succeed, find a job and survive. Phil, though, went to college and found a life and found success in something that really has nothing to do with his college degree, but that only means he is more educated than most in our chosen career field. He is creative, supportive, imaginative. He was able to take a hold on life and break free from the mold, and with his fist he used to punch through that normalcy, he held my hand and guided me along with him. Without Philip Michael Lester, I would not be a genuinely, sincerely, deeply happy guy that is excited to face all the rest of tomorrows, no matter how self deprecating and pessimistic I may seem. Instead, I would be a guy that was probably somewhat happy, but nowhere near the level I am when I am in the presence of sunshine personified. Because of Philip Michael Lester, I am the luckiest, happiest, and most blessed man to ever walk planet Earth. Not only that, but I am also the most excited, because within the next ten minutes I am going to become Daniel James Lester, and I cannot thank whoever or whatever had to do with bringing us together enough. Shoutout to Twitter, Skype, parents, cereal box trinkets.”

Typically, the sight of tears in Phil’s eyes sets alarms in Dan’s head. Who did this? Who must Dan punch in the throat? But knowing that Phil is on the verge of tears because of Dan, because Phil is just as overwhelmed with emotion and love as Dan is - it only serves to make Dan nearly cry as well. The tears finally tumble down his cheeks as Phil speaks his own vows, thumbs rubbing Dan’s knuckles as an anchor for the crying brunette. Phil is always there to be an anchor for Dan, to comfort him at all times, even when Dan is ugly crying at his own wedding. Not an attractive sight, but he knows plenty of people are taking photos of this event, and he knows he will look back on it as an amazing memory.

The sparkling of the ring on his finger serves as a secondary anchor, and the third final tie to this world is given to Dan when one of Phil’s hands gently pull him closer by the waist to press the most satisfying, meaningful, emotion saturated kiss to Dan’s lips, and all Dan can think about is one thing.

8. ??? - He never could have anticipated that he would marry Phil Lester.

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #fluff #mine #phan fluff #my first posted phanfic #please enjoy #love me #phanfictioncatalogue #my fic #dan and phil #phil and dan

8 notes · View notes

cafephan · 7 years

Text

dan and phil play golf with friends #2: a summary

DanandPhilGames caddy lads "you loved it, you were like yes the golf lifestyle, i'm wearing expensive polo shirts i'm sipping an overpriced drink, im nattering with the business fellows and hitting that ball" says dan whilst well in the knowledge most of us are shut away in our bedrooms in our pyjamas with not a penny to our name and sipping on tap water "so we're here in the dan and phil golf club and there is a certain dress code, dan" i like to take this as phil foreshadowing the beautiful fashion choices dan is making during this singapore trip even though he clearly isn't foreshadowing anything moment of appreciation for the singapore trip's outfit choices tho please moment over thirty three seconds in we get the first fond glance, hopefully the first of many "the only short sleeved short i have is creased, phil" the look that he's giving phil reeaaalllyyy makes me wonder how it got creased... "i don't care, just go get it on" says phil the fashion meister helllooooo moth shirt my favourite my best friend my one true love "we had green shit in our hair for like three hours after we put these on" who needs context amirite "dan thought i threw these away but no i've been secretly hiding them" ok but how is that so domestic "look how erect my flag is today" / "list of things you should like never say again...." (unless they're off camera to me) ((i finished the quote that the jumpcut edited out)) "you know the rules. we can only do one dan vs phil per game" is that a rule? have they said that before? okay sure let's roll with it they're playing for the burger socks from a few liveshows ago "i ordered this for a friend but they sent two" sure phil a company would clearly go out of their way to send two of the same product meaning they'd be out of profit,,, your friend definitely didn't just give them back to you "do i want to eat them or wear them?" i'm certain that this is not the first time that sentence has come out of dan's mouth "are you excited by that? do you want that? on your feet?" / "i so want the cheese on my foot." *jumpcut* *phil says literally one word and dan is already grinning at him* f o n d "this is something to watch like a sport, and enjoy like a sport" unless you're making a summary of this video meaning you have to rewind every two seconds thanks phil "lingering banter... just enjoy the time between jokes" *both giggle like the dorks they are* "you liked the last one, so strap yourselves in for some golf" "we need to customise our balls" can dan go one gaming vid without dragging tumblr like i go through all of this effort for you pls don't drag me you little curly haired shit "[about the colour of his ball] i would call that moonlight dolphin" dan has gone for plain white this time does this represent him emotionally who knows at the time of filming i like symbolism and connotations they're fun "oh my gosh, it's like... goodness has returned" phil why are you so cute "i'm calling our room dogs9000 today" / "very appropriate" first of all why is it appropriate second of all is that what they called their room on the tour bus "stop. they just do what they want. stop telling them what to do." / "i guess that's valid. i'm sorry, butterflies, you do you." "i'm like so oasis right now" "ancient egypt is my favourite historical period so i'd like to delve into there" i think i've found the next fic trend why are they using the chatroom when their chairs are literally touching and from the front angle it looks as if their hands are too "my pole is so tall you can't even see the flag" again my gut instinct is that it isn't the first time those words have come out of phil's mouth "... and other sentences that phil will never say again" (unless they're off camera to me) ((i finished his quote for him again he should pay me for this)) "beginnu" / "golf it up" dan has more fluidity in his hand movements than phil does take what you will from that information "here we go" / "here we golf" tag urself "oh you're inside my ball again" / "we're already freaking out inside each other" *phil laughs a lot and grins then followed by a mysterious jumpcut* "bit too much power for danny there" dan is already being a sore loser but he can't help but be all smiley that phil is all smiley and jokey phil cheers him on still "if i can get it in now, it'll be okay" i've said it once and i'll say it again... definitely not the first time those words have been said by danny boy they clean up the whole two computer debacle "i'm deceived by the curves" joint vibing and dancing to the music "you're in africa the hole is in antarctica" mister geography "you absolute cheeky little twit" a new addition to the list of fond insults from dan to phil sore loser dan continues to thrive phil manages to screw up literally the easiest shot in the world??? i love you boy but oh how you suck at this game and now dan is smiling again what a sadistic lil tot "welcome to the land of pain and misery" thanks dan for my new bio dan's lovely lady gaga rendition gets cut short by a jumpcut wtf give me the good stuff i deserve it oh he finished the rendition what a pair of lungs on that kid *phil definitely says 'oh shit'* "i didn't swear then" yes you did just accept your potty mouth perfect opportunity to kick the old branding to the curb a girl can dream ok "oh you're going to be stuck for ten hours, phil, how is this going to go" "i can't even see myself... oh i went in" seriously how many times in one video can my gut instinct tell me dan's said these sentences before in his lifetime "the power of wobbling knocked me in" "that felt good to me" "my lovely philly lumps, check 'em out" what a beautiful rendition phil i would buy it on itunes / "...things you should never say again, volume twelve" cocky dan strikes again "you okay there?" / "i'm feeling very emotional about this" "par? more like cheat" / "that's par for the course" please stop talking over each other this summary takes long enough as it is without having to rewind ten times "oh we're the same now" / "now we're even" / "i was so happy with my lead" / "guess we're going to have to cut our feet in half" / "yeah..." *phils cute laugh* "that's obviously just saying go for it... but how much power?" / "smack it" i imagine this is phil's outlook on life six minutes fifty four seconds in... rip headphone users "we're gonna take like eleven goes at this" not if you both strikeout, my guy "this is so much harder than the last one" phil please don't make this too easy for me "please release us from this hell" i'd like to thank the universe for the occasional slivers of dan skin we see through the gaps in his shirt buttons "i'll happily sit here for three and a half hours now whilst phil gets it in" ... oh come on it's definitely not the first time he's said that sentence drinking game: take a shot every time they say 'yes' or 'yeah' that'll get you drink awfully quick "get out of my zone! stop touching me!" / "knock. knock." stop talking over each other please i beg of you "i'll touch you when i please..." okay dan you are aware of the camera pointing at you right phil's reaction is all of us at dan just saying that sentence "... don't say that again" (unless it's off camera to me) ((now i'm apparently finishing phil's sentences for him, he should pay me too)) "i'm so sorry for this whole video" ty dan cocky dan is here to stay, it seems like dan got so cocky that he fucked up i love life "that's what you get for being cocky!" i love phil "i'm out of strokes? that's how bad i was?" i don't know why my gut instinct is telling me phil's said that before but... anyway "you are now... eight over my score, phil." look at dans hands he's dying to do a mr burns impression and say excellent "that was a mystery adventure if i ever saw one" "*sigh* oh phil" "phil, phil, dear me" in all the videos of this game i've watched before nobody managed to make that pillar shot and yet dan does it on his first try...... sure okay "king of golf. yes." / "shush" phil made it too yay "guys if you're feeling like i'm just going to lose, i'm really going to try from now on" he looked at the camera like he meant it *dan looks over* "phil's gonna take this so seriously. no more bants, just solid golf seriousness" dan do you just stop listening to yourself when you talk "solid whacking" / "okay in the list of things that are serious, saying 'solid whacking', that's- that's not up there" *dan two seconds later* "so i'm just gonna whack it" "boom... slide... crack" i'm not even trying to analyse that "how would anakin do this" "i was using the force! did you see?" / *dan smiles fondly* "no i didn't" "if you whack me over the edge i'm going to bury you alive" "shit fucking wank fuck" "how did you get that wrong?" i'm still asking that question to phil about that other hole dan i feel you "that was sexual" / "that was the most erotic math based experience i've ever had" / "i liked that" "the skateboarding teenager inside me wants to go back and do this" / "could skateboarding teenage phil ever have skated around that?" / "he would have said that he could do it, but he would've fallen off... and hit his head" / "it's the trying that counts" "oh philly philly two whack" the game either wants phil to win and keeps sabotaging dan, dan wants phil to win and he keeps sabotaging himself, or dan is just that bad at the game he keeps fucking up i'd put my money on the latter "i want to have children with this course" first of all there will be fics of this and i will turn over in my grave, secondly poor janice :( "shitty fuck no i need to be in a straight line" "i wouldn't trust that with a barge pole" king of the english language "miss miss" phil being the ever supportive best friend "lara croft would... love this" "remember that you owe me two strokes" / *sassily* "no i don't" / "yeah you do, the game broke" / "that's-that's your fault" / *laughs* "no it's not!" this is literally the conversation that defines their friendship and it is beautiful "he's the one that's trolling me by stopping my ball" dan pls "i'm going in" / "do it, phil" you're just making it too damn easy for me "i would watch golf on tv if phil commentated it" dan you would watch anything that phil was even remotely involved with dan the sore loser back again dan is doing some kind of animal impression and if sounds as if it's a bird in heat or something "you wanna say that's not count (*literally dan wtf*) see the comments. they'll be- they'll be ju-thirsty for justice." not considering you drag us every chance you get you lil shit #teamphil also dan is tumbling over his words so much this video is he okay dan makes up a stupid penalty for phil to do because the game apparently hates him but in reality he just sucks, and phil goes along with it because he's phil how the hell did dan manage to jump over the high wall "i just left clicked and i bobbed.. i wasn't supposed to bob" "that's definitely not in- okay you did it" oooh one point difference "oh i didn't get some dinghy time then" "how ya doin? nice to see you there" "believe in the power" "you did a much more satisfying one than me" "your non-gender specific caddy gimp would need to be fanning you..." / "caddy gimp?" / "yeah" / "i'd just want them to put me on a camel, give me a pina colada, play golf for me... and i'd just be like this on my laptop" we all know phil loves his pina colada *wink wink* "... yeah that's the dream" well we know dan's opinion on pina colada don't we *wink wink* "leona lewis would hate you" shots fired "yes i did just cheat by looking at your bar" / "you can't look at my bar!" / "oh well i just did!" cocky dan back with his questionable sounds "he's thinking about how tasty your ball is right now" "yes sphinx daddy, let's go" "climbing inside the pyramid vagina" "you've got a mystical glow about you" "you're kind of ruining the vibe" "look how much you're illuminating the whole" dan the cocky sod literally looks like a child rn "i don't know what's happening but i'm excited by it" did phil just channel his inner chandler from friends bc that is all too similar to the chandler quote "tease it in" / "never say that again" "that deserves extra points that was incredible" proud bf phil "ooh toasty ball" they're helping each other along aw "i mean fuck the dan vs phil board... this is a prize worth playing for" *dan shakes the burger socks* the game broke so they restarted it and they now have the same score wooow "this is not how god wanted it but this is what's happening" phil says as he takes his two shot penalty "i don't think, erm, if god does exist, in any form, that He would give a shit about this game, phil" / "i think he would" dan gives phil a full rundown on his math-based plan "you copied my strats!" "let me just sniff these socks" / "ew" "are you more of a leftie or a rightie?" / "i'm gonna be... rightie as that is what i write with" rip all you leftie philgirls "how do you know? you don't know left and right" bloody hell dan calm down "it's a bridge to cleopatra's bedroom" *phil lands on the pyramid* "is he wearing any underwear?" "everyone who doesn't know math right now is just like... whirring with calculations right now" actually i'm just sat here typing this so screw you howell you don't know me "i'm just going to max power it over here" did anyone else think of the simpsons? when homer changes his name? anyone at all? okay then "that means i win!" phil shouts enthusiastically and claps his hands together phil continues to clap it ends as a draw!!!! "so does that mean we've gotta share the socks?" "i want the cheese- i want the lettuce" phil bless you "it'll be like those people that get like best friend necklaces that complete each other except for us it's burger socks." *modelling the socks* "look at those dank socks" "the best bit is when you went through the sphinx's mouth and when you went through the uterus" they'd be up for another vid yes please i need one!!!!!! n e e d!!! the twilight course would be next "now we're gonna pick the green stuff out of our hair... go on phil, groom me like a monkey" dan. "get that moss out" seriously. dan. danisnotsandy auterusphil (which of them did this) also phil pretended to eat whatever he just supposedly groomed from dans head okay eventful video.

#THIS TOOK SO LONG TO DO WHAT THE FUCK #sorry this is so long but also not sorry #hope you enjoy #gaming vid summaries

93 notes · View notes

adorkablephil · 7 years

Text

Fic: Happily Ever After 4 (Questions)

Title: Happily Ever After Rating: Teen (for Dan’s language, as usual) Word Count for This Chapter: 3.5K Summary: Dan proposes marriage, but Phil’s reaction isn’t quite what he’d been expecting or hoping for. Genre(s): Angst, Fluff, Established Relationship, Marriage Proposals, Gay Marriage, Commitment, Relationship Issues Author’s Note: While the overall arc of this story is going to be a fluffy “strong couples can overcome adversity together” sort of thing, it will get rocky along the way. Also available on AO3 here

[Masterlist of all “Happily Ever After” chapters on Tumblr]

Chapter 4: Questions

Phil didn’t come home for three weeks.

By then, the flat was the cleanest it had ever been. Even the baseboards had been scrubbed to gleaming perfection. Every tin in the cupboards was aligned perfectly with the label facing outward. All boxes in the cupboards were arranged by type of food, then ordered by height.

Three weeks. No contact lens case had sat on the tap, Dan had always found the expected amount of cereal waiting for him in the morning, and not a single cupboard door had been left open. For three weeks.

It was driving him insane.

When Phil texted him from Gatwick to let him know he was getting into a taxi, it was the first Dan had heard from him in those entire three weeks. In his marriage proposal, he’d said that Phil had made him laugh every day since they’d been together, and he had been telling the complete truth at the time.

The streak was finally broken.

He heard footsteps coming up their stairs, but he determinedly held his browsing position on the sofa, refusing to jump up and run to the door as it opened. He couldn’t help turning his head to look, though.

Phil came in looking haggard and radiating dread. Did he dread seeing Dan again? Was that why he’d stayed away so long? But when Dan let himself meet Phil’s eyes, he could tell immediately that the dread wasn’t about not wanting to see Dan, it was about what kind of reception he’d get. Dan’s heart went out to him. He didn’t know what had been going on in Phil’s head for the last three weeks, but right now he looked deathly afraid of what Dan was going to say to him.

So Dan didn’t say anything. He just put his laptop down on the coffee table, walked to the doorway, and took Phil in his arms. Phil sagged with relief immediately, clutching his arms around Dan like a drowning man clinging to his only source of safety. His head dropped, his forehead resting on Dan’s shoulder, and he whispered brokenly, “You don’t hate me?”

Dan sighed. “Phil, I could never hate you. I love you. More than anything else in the entire world.” He wanted to kiss him, but Phil’s head remained lowered, his cheek now pressing to the side of Dan’s neck in a touch more intimate than it had any right to be. The vulnerability so obvious in Phil’s posture made that touch of his cheek seem like a silent, tenuous reach for connection, a fear of asking too much and so asking as little as possible to avoid rejection. Just the slightest bit of skin against skin, just the slightest intimacy.

Phil didn’t say anything else, just stood there in Dan’s arms, holding him as tight as he ever had, until Dan finally teased gently, “Can I get a kiss hello?”

The question was so normal, so casual, that it seemed to surprise Phil into looking up, which had been Dan’s intention. Dan smiled at him, and Phil smiled tentatively in return before nodding, and then Dan leaned forward for the gentlest, most reassuring of kisses. A kiss that said yes and forgiveness and love and forever and everything. When they pulled apart, Phil’s face looked a little less like he’d been through a war and less like he was expecting another at any moment.

“Hungry?” Dan asked. Sure, there were big questions that needed to be asked, big issues that needed to be discussed, but first there were the basics, the simple things, the problems they could solve without any heart-wrenching conversations. “Maybe just some beans on toast?” Phil nodded again. Dan wondered what he’d been doing these past three weeks to leave him so silent and hollow.

They walked together to the kitchen and Dan set about making Phil a bit of food. The flight from the Isle of Man wasn’t a long one, but he knew Phil always got hungry when he traveled, and they were never really ones for regular mealtimes. Phil stood by, watching, just letting Dan take care of him. He seemed almost stunned. Dazed. Dan wondered if he had expected to be greeted with immediate demands and accusations and recriminations. Did he have that little faith?

Phil obediently took his plate of food out to the lounge and sat on the sofa to eat, while Dan resumed his seat in the sofa crease and just waited. Phil would talk when he was ready, and Dan had resolved a thousand times during the past three weeks that he was not going to push. He knew that Phil was a kind person, the kindest person he’d ever met, and that Phil loved him—he didn’t doubt Phil’s love for him for a single second. So whatever had gone wrong, whatever miscommunication or misunderstanding or mistake had occurred to lead to that horrible day on the beach, they would work it out. They always did.

The topic of the marriage proposal lay between them like an unexploded bomb, but Dan was content to let it lay unexploded for a little longer.

After Phil had finished eating, Dan put the dishes into the dishwasher while Phil just sat on the sofa, looking limp and lost, his suitcase still abandoned at the front door. Dan came back and looked at him, but Phil didn’t meet his eyes. “You look done in,” Dan said bluntly. “Do you want to have a wash or just go to bed?”

Phil looked up at him and said softly, “I’m so tired, Dan. I’m just so tired.”

Dan took his hand and pulled him to his feet. “Let’s get you to bed, then. You can have a good sleep in your own bed, have a good wash in the morning, and then you’ll feel more yourself.” He was glad Phil always wore his glasses on flights, because he wouldn’t want to have to wrestle Phil into taking out contact lenses right now. Dan just walked Phil down the hallway to the bedroom door, but then experienced a moment of sudden awkwardness, not sure how to say what needed saying without touching on subjects he really didn’t want to bring up right now.

“Uh … I’ve been … I’ve been sleeping in the other room. I mean, that’s where I keep all my stuff anyway, and I didn’t know if you would want…” Dan gestured toward the doorway across the hall and shrugged, feeling suddenly sad and uncertain again, remembering what Phil had said in the dark, remembering that miserable night on the floor on the Isle of Man.

But then suddenly Phil was pulling him close, not kissing him but holding him very tightly and whispering, “Come sleep with me, Dan. Please.” And so Dan did. And Phil whispered words of love to him as he fell asleep.

When he woke up, Phil was still sleeping. He had no idea what time it was, or even if it was morning or afternoon. He just lay there and watched Phil sleep for a while. His dark hair was mussed and there were faint smudges visible beneath his eyes. What had Phil been doing these past three weeks? Dan had assumed he was taking refuge in the loving support of his family, but instead he looked like he’d been hiding alone somewhere doing unnecessary penance.

Had their conversation on the beach really done this to him?

Had it been so terrible, Dan wanting to marry him?

Dan tried to avoid jumping to any conclusions. They needed to talk. They needed to talk a lot. And until they did that all he’d be doing was making assumptions, and that wasn’t going to get them anywhere. So he just watched Phil sleep and let himself feel how glad he was that his love had returned to him at last.

A few days later, Dan couldn’t take it anymore. Phil still hadn’t brought up anything about the marriage proposal or anything else that had happened on the Isle of Man visit. Dan had been nearly killing himself, making sure not to push, not to bring up anything uncomfortable until Phil was ready, but … it had been days! They’d pretty much settled back into familiar patterns, but … was Phil just going to ignore it all forever? Did he expect to just go on as if Dan had never proposed, as if none of it had ever happened, as if he owed Dan no answer or explanation at all?

He waited until they were both hanging out on the sofa with nothing immediate planned. Normally, they would start watching something on television now, or suggest a video game. Instead, Dan braced himself.

“Phil,” he began gently, “we need to talk.”

Phil blanched, his normally pale skin going white. He looked like he had on the beach that day. “I need time to think,” he insisted quickly, staring somewhere in the vicinity of Dan’s sternum. “I told you that.” His voice sounded a bit defensive.

Dan tried really hard not to get mad. “Phil, I understand if you need time to think about this, but we can’t just pretend like it never happened. You don’t have to give me an answer right away, but you do have to talk to me, let me know what’s going on. You can’t just shut me out like this. It isn’t fair. I’m a part of this, too.”

Phil’s mouth had compressed to a tight line. “You want to talk about it right now? Even if I don’t? Well, how is that fair to me? I’ve told you what I need, and you just ignore it like you always do.”

Dan’s eyes went wide. “What? You … I always ignore what you need? Since when? And why haven’t you ever said anything about it before?”

Phil rolled his eyes. “That wasn’t what I meant, exactly. You’re twisting my words. I told you I didn’t want to talk about any of this yet. It isn’t going to go well if we talk about it right now, I know it won’t. I’ll say things badly and you’ll get angry and I just … why can’t things just go back to the way they were before?” His voice had gone from confrontational to plaintive by the end.

“You want to pretend that I never proposed?” Dan asked hesitantly, barely able to believe his ears.

Phil nodded. “Let’s just … things are good between us, right? We’re happy! We’ve been so happy for so long! Why would we want to change anything if we’re already this happy?” He was gazing at Dan with such hope in his eyes, it broke Dan’s heart a little more.

“So you didn’t really need time to think about your answer?” Dan verified. Something was boiling inside him, but he tried to keep his voice level, but he could hear some of the emotion leaking out. “You just wanted time to figure out how to talk me out of it?”

“Marriage changes things,” Phil said. “Why would we want to change something that is already working? I love you, Dan. You know that! Why do we need a piece of paper to announce it to the world? And how would that work, anyway? I mean, we’ve never even been out about our relationship, and suddenly we’d be married? People would find out, Dan! It would change everything.”

Dan felt numb. So this was Phil’s answer. He was saying no. He didn’t want to marry Dan. It sounded like it wasn’t even a question of timing—he didn’t want to marry Dan ever. He just wanted everything to stay the same forever as it was now: the same closeted relationship, the same commitment that lasted only as long as their current lease, the same daydream conversations about a future that had no real substance.

“If we came out,” Phil was continuing, apparently oblivious to the cataclysm taking place inside Dan, “it would create all these pressures on us that we haven’t had to deal with before. And just those pressures alone might mess everything up for us!”

Feeling as if he was watching the scene from some great distance, Dan asked, “So … you not only never want to marry me … you also never want to come out about us being together? Not even sometime in the distant future. It’s just … not something you want? Ever?”

Phil made a pleading face. “Dan! I don’t understand why you want anything to change when it’s so good now! Why take chances on ruining the best thing in our lives?”

Dan stood up from the sofa, not even really feeling it when his shin collided with the coffee table. He turned away from Phil and took a couple steps, then turned back around to look at him. It was like looking at a stranger.

“Okay,” he said through numb lips. “Now I’m the one who needs time to think.” And he trudged slowly to the other bedroom, the bedroom that was ostensibly his but which he had almost never slept in, the room where he had stayed in self-imposed exile while Phil had remained silent on the Isle of Man for three weeks. It no longer looked like exile—it looked like a refuge. He closed the door behind him and climbed beneath the black-and-white duvet, trying not to think. Thinking could wait until tomorrow. Right now he just wanted to forget all the hopes he’d had, all the bright things he’d thought awaited him and Phil in their future together, all the dreams he’d cherished and nurtured as they grew over the years. All the dreams he’d thought they shared.

Right now he just wanted to forget.

The next few days were quiet. Painfully so. Dan continued sleeping in his own room, because he needed space right now, space to try to figure things out, since apparently Phil had no interest in helping him do that. He ghosted around the flat, sometimes aware of Phil’s eyes on him but never meeting his gaze. Phil didn’t try to talk to him but would sometimes come into the kitchen when Dan was there and just lurk in the doorway as if waiting for something. Dan never reacted.

Once when they were passing each other in the hallway, Phil moved in a way that Dan knew was going to turn into an attempt at a hug. He subtly moved further away as he passed so that neither of them would have to face what it meant if he openly rejected the offer of affection.

Phil had taken three weeks on the Isle of Man for his supposed “thinking.” He’d better damn well give Dan some time and space to do some thinking of his own.

He tried to put himself in Phil’s shoes. Tried to see things from his perspective. Tried to connect all this with the loving, supportive, committed relationship he’d been sure they had for the past several years. Something didn’t add up. There was more to this than Phil was saying. He just didn’t know how to get Phil to talk about it, and until Phil talked about it there was nothing they could do to get past it. And if they couldn’t get past it, then … they might really be over. Dan didn’t want that, so he was going to do his damnedest to get to the root of what the hell was going on.

After so many days of avoidance, Phil looked surprised when Dan sat down on the sofa near him and waited for Phil to meet his eyes. Phil looked afraid, but also hopeful.

“I’d really like to talk to you. I miss talking to you,” Dan said softly.

Phil launched himself at Dan, hugging him in apparent desperation. “I’ve missed you so much, just living in the same house but not really being together. I love you so much, and I didn’t want things to get messed up, and now I feel like I messed them up myself by not wanting to mess them up…”

Dan held up a hand. “Whoa there! Slow down.” And he smiled. Phil smiled back. Dan reached out and took both Phil’s hands, and they both instinctively scooted closer together, so that their knees touched. Phil squeezed Phil’s hands gently.

“I want to understand. We’ve always been good at hearing each other out, talking things through. That’s all I want right now, Phil. I just want to understand. That’s all.” He squeezed Phil’s hands, just as Phil had squeezed his, then leaned forward for a soft kiss. It was their first kiss, first real touch, in days, and they both relaxed into it for a long moment. It was such sweet relief to find that connection again.

They pulled apart, and Dan waited patiently. Phil looked down at their joined hands lying on their knees. When Dan refused to jump in and the silence grew strained, Phil finally said, “I’ve just been so happy with you. Happier than I’ve ever been in my life! And I don’t want to lose this, and I’m afraid that if we … change things … then it’s all going to crumble … and I just don’t want to lose this! Don’t want to lose you!”

Dan leaned in for another kiss, a reassuring kiss, then asked his next question carefully. He tried to keep his voice even and without any emotional inflection, trying to suppress his emotional reactions so that Phil would feel safe to talk, “So … you never want us to come out or get married. Right?” He rushed to add, “I’m not trying to fight with you. I just want to understand.” He kept repeating that, because it was true, and he thought it might help Phil open up. If he couldn’t get Phil to open up, they’d never be able to get through this.

Phil nodded, looking uncomfortable, as if he was bracing himself. “I’m sorry, Dan, but I just … I’d rather not chance it.”

Dan took a deep breath. “But, Phil. we’ve talked before about the possibility of coming out. We talked about the pros and cons, and you seemed to have thoughts on both sides. Thus far, we’d decided not to do it, but I never got the impression that you wanted it to stay that way permanently.” Phil was squirming, but Dan didn’t let sympathy deter him. “You talked about the good things that could come from it, how you would like to be able to be open about how we feel, and that meant a lot to me. I always felt like those conversations were about when we were going to decide to let everyone know, that we were on the same page about wanting it to happen eventually. Have I been misunderstanding you all this time?”

Phil sighed quietly. “No, it’s not like I’ve been lying or anything.” He looked up to meet Dan’s eyes. “I have thought about it. I’m just scared.”

Now came the big question. Dan was still trying to keep his voice even. Not a threat. Not a fight. Just trying to understand. His pain and anger were fighting to surface, but he ruthlessly suppressed them. “But I don’t understand why you’ve suddenly made up your mind that you never want to do it … right after I proposed marriage to you. Is this even about coming out at all? Or is there something else going on? Because I feel like maybe there is, and I thought we could talk about anything. I trust you to be honest with me, Phil. Is something else going on?”

Phil didn’t say anything for a long time, but he looked contemplative, and Dan gave him time to formulate his thoughts. Finally, Phil said slowly, “Okay. There is something else. But … it isn’t important. We’re happy together, right?” He repeated his earlier plea for reassurance, but Dan was relentless. Whatever this was, whatever Phil wasn’t telling him: this was why he’d reacted to Dan’s proposal the way he had. This was why Phil didn’t want to marry him. He waited silently again. Phil let go of Dan’s hands and ran his fingers through his own hair a few times, leaving it sticking out all over. He bit his lip. And then finally he spoke, but haltingly.

“Well … I’ve always been honest with you about the fact that I’m bisexual.”

Dan was confused. What did this have to do with them? “Yeah, so?”

Phil’s fingers were tangling in his lap like restless snakes. “So … well … I always sort of figured … if I ever decided to settle down and get married…”

Dan waited, but Phil didn’t say anything more. Finally, after what felt like an age, he burst out, “Phil, you’re killing me. Just … tell me! What is it?”

Phil looked positively ill now. His voice was tight when he stammered out, “Well, like I said … I’m bisexual … and I just … I always figured … if I ever got married … you know, if it ever happened … and that was a big ‘if’ … but if I ever did get married … I wanted it to be … well … I wanted it to be with … with a woman.”

[Continue to Chapter 5]

#phanfiction #phanfic #phan #phan angst #angsty phan #phan established relationship #happily ever after #myphanfic

23 notes · View notes

irphanfic · 8 years

Text

Of Old Memories And Future Moments

Surprise! A wild phanfic has appeared! I was watching PINOF8 when suddenly I had a moment of inspiration so I wrote this oneshot. Hope you like it!

summary: ''Rummage inside Phil's bedside drawer‘‘ it said. Oh no. What would have happened if Dan had found something more interesting than a lip-balm inside Phil’s bedside drawer?

word count: 2.6k

no trigger warnings

They had been filming Phil Is Not On Fire 8 for some time when...

''Wait a minute, wait a minute,'' Dan said, pulling Phil aside so he could read the screen better ''Rummage inside Phil's bedside drawer, okay!'' he exclaimed, rapidly moving towards it while Phil repeatedly saying ''no'' and trying to stop his friend.

Dan opened it and found a lip-balm which he picked up and exageratedly spoke to Phil, ''How pale are you?''

Phil didn't even have time to respond before Dan threw the lip-balm inside the drawer again and searched for something more he could show to the camera.

The black haired boy was still, not even daring to move a muscle. He wanted to stop Dan before he found something he didn't really want him to see but it was too late.

''Phil, why...?'' Dan looked at him, two pieces of a ripped photo on his hands, which he slowly put together to properly see the picture.

It was a photo of them back in 2012, before everything went down. It was a selfie of both of them, happily smiling at the camera while Dan's hand squeezed both of their faces together. He remembers it well.

They had been a surprisingly warm Autumn day and they had been sightseeing London for hours when they stopped in Hyde Park for a rest, the sun was setting and not many people where there, only a few birds tweets could be heard. They sat under a tree, their thights touching while their backs were resting against the tree trunk, a pile of orange and red leaves around them.

''Let's take a selfie to remember this day...'' Dan said, taking the pocket size digital camera they had been carrying around all day.

Phil leaned a bit closer so he could fit into the frame, not really wanting to invade Dan's personal space. Even though they had been together for a few years, he knew Dan didn't like getting his personal space invaded, and he respected it.

''Phil, don't be silly, get closer!'' Dan laughed at him, one of his hands reaching his cheek to squish their faces together, not a centimetre left between them. Phil felt relieved and he finally allowed himself to smile properly before a flashing light blinded him.

He didn't even have time to change his pose when he saw another flash of light, this time Dan's lips on his cheek, giving him a peck.

''I really want to print these two, I really like them... what do you think Phil?'' Dan's voice brough him back to earth, shaking his head a bit and looking at the camera screen. They really were good photos.

''Yeah, I like them too. We look so happy, you make me so happy...'' Phil whispered, giving Dan a peck on the cheek as the brown haired had done a few moments ago.

''You make me happy too...'' Dan told him before kissing him hard against the tree trunk. Their kiss only ended when the last sun rays soaking their faces faded away, letting them know that the day was over even if they didn't want it to end.

''Dan...'' Phil's timid voice brought him back to the moment they were now. Dan looked at him and then back at the picture which he still had in his hands, sad and hurtful memories clouding his mind now. His eyes were starting to water, not really wanting to recall the horrible argument that lead them to their break-up back in 2012, and how Dan had ripped that picture...

It was to much. The pressure was to much. After the ''Valentine's Video'' had leaked a few days ago Dan couldn't handle the comments he was receiving. He couldn't imagine this was happening. And yes, in his mind it was all Phil's fault, even though deep down he knew it wasn't but he didn't have anyone else to blame that's why he was screaming at him right now.

''Why did you even film that stupid video?'' his voice sounded around the living room while he paced around.

Phil didn't even respond, to scared to confront Dan, so he just shrugged his shoulders, making him smaller in the sofa seat.

''You knew I wasn't ready to come out, and yet you outed us with that video! What made you think you had the right to do that, eh?'' Dan's face was red, he was angrier that he had ever been.

This time Phil tried to defend himself, ''Because you are my boyfriend and I wanted to thank you and show how much I love you, that's why I made the video and it leaked because of a YouTube glitch, it wasn't my fault!''

Dan wasn't listening as he was too angry to think clearly, he was still conviced Phil had made this all happen.

''Well, it's a strange way to show how much you love me, making a video of pure bullshit so everyone can know what a happy couple we are when we aren't!'' Dan said, grabbing the photo of them squeezing their faces together that was resting in the bookshelf and shoving it into Phil's face before ripping it in half and throwing the pieces onto the floor.

Phil's face fell as soon as he saw Dan ripping the picture. He looked at the pieces that were now lying on the floor before speaking up ''Are you not happy with me?''

''What?'' Phil's question took him surprisedly, he didn't expect to hear that from the blue eyed.

''Are you not happy with me? I don't want to be the one who makes unhappy, you don't deserve that...'' Phil spoke, his timid voice was loud enough so Dan could hear it.

''Damnit Phil! No, I'm not happy! I told you I was but no, I'm not and I don't think I have ever been'' Dan lied, still angered about the video thing, wanting to hurt Phil as much as he had hurt him, even though it was not the same.

Phil let a tear slide down his cheek and quickly cleaned it with his hand, hoping Dan didn't notice. And he was right, because Dan keept screaming at him.

''I tried to be happy but you just keep doing things that made me wonder why do I like you! This was the last straw Phil... We should break up.'' Dan's last words were almost quiet, he didn't meant to voice those word. They were a lie. But his brain and his anger weren't cooperating.

Phil lifted his head and looked at his brown eyes, ''let me fix this, you are my best friend too, I cannot lose you Dan...'' he pleaded him, taking a few steps forward and trying to grab his hands, but thinking it twice about it Phil retracted them to he side.

Dan considered what Phil was asking him. He didn't really want to lose his best friend either. So he took a deep breath and responded ''let me think about it, and yes, you are gonna fix this because if you don't we are done.''

And with that Dan left the room, letting Phil sat back down on the sofa with his head buried in his hands before picking up the ripped picture and saving it in his bedside drawer, where he knew Dan would never find it.

Dan remembers now how Phil had stayed days and nights trying to take down every single video and hurtful comment that he could find, trying to fix it. To fix them. He also recalls Phil's voice, asking for forgiveness and trying to get back together, but Dan couldn't handle it. Not anymore. He was still angry at Phil, angry at himself, for being insecure, for not trusting him enough .So, not really wanting to lose Phil he agreed to stay as friends until today.

''Dan...'' the blue eyed's voice brought him back to reality, fixing his gaze in the clear blue orbs that were watering. Oh no.

''Why did you save it? After I hurt you so much why did you?'' Dan questioned him. Phil didn't know that he had lied all those years ago and he decided he was going to tell him, but he needed to hear Phil's statement first.

''Yeah, you are right, you hurt me with your words but I hurt you too. You said I made you unhappy, but I kept staring at that picture and I knew our smiles were real. We were happy. I didn't know what I did to make you so miserable so I'm sorry for whatever I did...'' Phil took a breath before continuing, ''I saved the picture because deep down I knew I had made you happy at some point in our relationship, the laughs and smiles of that day couldn't be fake, I know they weren't. So that's why it was in my bedside drawer, because everytime I feel down, even though it hurts, I look at and compare it to many of the photos I see of you on Tumblr to see if you have the same smile as you did. And you have it. You have the same smile and I realized that even though we are not together you are happy and that's what matters.''

Dan was crying, he didn't expect those words from Phil. He hadn't done anything wrong, and he still was beating himself up because Dan had lied all those years ago. He just wanted Dan to be happy, and Dan hadn't done anything to thank him.

''Phil no,'' Dan said, leaving the picture on the bed and hugging his friend, who circled his arms around his waist, bringing him in a much needed hug. ''Phil, I'm sorry and you are gonna hate me for this but I lied to you all those years ago.''

''What?'' Phil whispered, trying to untangle from the hug but Dan didn't let him.

''I lied to you. I was happy with you. You made me happy. I lied because I was hurt. After the video leaked and I read all those comments I was angry and I wanted to hurt you too. I knew it wasn't your fault but I was still a kid and I didn't know how to react... I was in such a bad place with uni and then this, it had been all too much to handle and I eneded up balming you and hurting you. I'm sorry Phil, I'm so sorry.'' Dan was fully sobbing now, his face buried on Phil's neck, whiskers smugged.

Phil was silently crying too, not really making any noise so Dan wouldn't have to worry about him either. Dan was right. He had been a kid when all of that happened, and even though their relationship had been strong the pressure of fame and the comments had hurt, leading Dan to break their relationship so he didn't had to deal with all of it. He had been in a bad place then, but Phil understood everything now.

''Dan, shhh Dan... I don't hate you. I could never hate you.'' Phil tried to calm him down, but it didn't seem to be doing much. ''I understand now why you did what you did. I understand. I'm sorry too.''

''But Phil you have nothing to be sor...'' Dan tried to explain himself but the blue eyed didn't let him.

''No, Dan, don't try to excuse me'' Phil grabbed Dan's head and made him look into his eyes, ''you have grown so much since that happened, we both have. I made mistakes too, I hurt you too, and we have learnt from them...''

''I'm glad our friendship was strong enough so I wouldn't lose you.'' Dan whispered to Phil, hanging his head down and picking the discarded photo again, putting the pieces together to look at the picture again. He wasn't crying anymore, but some of the tears left fell onto the picture.

''You will never lose me. I promise you that,'' Phil said, picking up one of the photo's pieces and lookng at it, ''Even if neither of us would want to admit it we needed each other, even as friends, even if we eneded up not speaking for weeks I was reassured that you were still in the flat.'' the blue eyed said, knowing Dan felt the same.

Even if they hadn't spoken for weeks he was glad Dan was in the other room, it was a sign that neither of them was ready to let the other go, that they still needed each other, even if it was a few feet away.

''Wait here...'' Phil stood up, leaving Dan confusedly sitting on the bed, but before he could say anything Phil came back with a roll of sticky tape.

Without a word, Phil took the two ripped pieces of the photo and tapped them together, making it whole again. He lifted it and gave it to Dan, ''here, for you.''

Dan was deeply touched by Phil's gesture, but he couldn't accept it, he had damaged that photo and with that their relationship and Phil had fixed it again for him. He wanted to bitterly laugh at the metaphor, to be honest.

''Phil, I can't... I ripped it in the first place, I don't deserve to have it back.'' Dan told him, handing it back to him but Phil put his hands behind his back making it impossible to give it to him.

''No, no, it is a ''no return'' gift, now you will have to keep it forever!'' Phil said, a smile on his face.

The blue eyed's silly antics made Dan laugh and even though he could leave the picture just there, he couldn't bare himself to do that.

''Thank you'' Dan sincerely said, looking onto Phil's eyes and triying to communicate with his gaze what he couldn't with his words, hoping Phil would understand. Not just for the picture, but for understanding, for forgiving him, for being such a good friend... even if Dan still loved him like he had done years back. He never stopped to be honest.

''No need to thank me, there is nothing sticky tape and a truthful conversation cannot fix.'' And with that Phil winked at him, grabbing the sharpie from the nightstand and drawing the whiskers back again in Dan's face, who smiled widely at him at the gesture.

''Now c'mon, we still have a few questions to answer.'' Phil said trying to grab the phone that was on the other side but before he could do it Dan tackled him onto the bed, landing on top of him, grabbing the sharpie from his hand and lifting it to Phil's face, ''yours are smudged too, you spork!''

They both laughed and Dan started his work. Phil didn't even realize he had his eyes closed when instead of a sharpie he felt a pair of chapped lips on his, making slowly move them, enjoying and remembering the sweet sensation of Dan's lips he had missed so much.

Once the kiss ended, Dan looked at him, scared of his reaction.

''You know? You laugh at me for having lip-balm on the bedside drawer, but if you plan on kissing me again I suggest you start using some!'' Phil told him jokingly, making Dan release a breath he had been holding before hitting him on the chest before burying his head on the crook of Phil's neck.

''I hate you.'' Dan whispered into his ear.

''I hate you too.'' Phil responded, before hugging Dan a bit closer, just the sound of their breaths in the room.

Phil Is Not On Fire 8 could wait.

#phanfiction #phanfic #oneshot #amazingphil #danisnotonfire #irphanfic #of old memories and future moments #pinof8

328 notes · View notes

furederiko · 7 years

Photo

I've sort of lost track of holidays and festives since the year began, but today's Good Friday!!! Meaning it's a good friday to post a Random News Digest as well... Ahahahaha!

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

The quest for young Albus Dumbledore has come to a close. Warner Bros has entrusted the iconic role to... none other than Jude Law. Which shouldn't come as a surprise, considering the Brit actor's long history with the studio, from the "Sherlock Holmes" series to the upcoming "King Arthur: Legend of the Sword". Personally, I still think Rafe Spall would make a better Albus, but perhaps the movie needs more of Law's... star power considering the first "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them" wasn't exactly the big "Harry Potter" hit that WB expected. Beside, Law also suits the "younger man and quite a troubled man" criteria better than Spall.

The down side of this casting, is the general assumption that the sequels will put more focus on the bromancing frenemy between his Dumbledore and Johnny Depp's Gellert Grindelwald. It has been hinted that the two characters have shared a rather 'close' relationship in the past, perhaps even something that was somewhat romantically inclined. Okay, let me correct that. J.K. Rowling has said it herself that "Dumbledore fell in love with Grindelwald, and that added to his horror when Grindelwald showed himself to be what he was.", so it's more than just mere speculation. Thus, it IS going to be interesting to see how Law and Depp come to blow with one another, which is what many "Harry Potter" fans should be dying to see. Then why do I call it a 'down side'? Because at least for me, it's Eddie Redmayne's Newt Scamander...'s magical ZOO that was the prime highlight of the first movie. Those creatures, with the chemistry between Alison Sudol's Queenie and Dan Fogler's Jacob Kowalski coming hot in second place, are the part that I found to be delightful. These three characters, alongside Katherine Waterston's Tina, have all been confirmed to return, so one would easily wonder how these New Yorkers are going to fit in the story that takes place in Paris and Watford, England. Admittedly, Tina and even Newt himself, were pretty dull and boring for a lead. But it would feel like such a crime if they are put aside to the corner, as the spotlight is stolen by Law and Depp instead.

It is currently unclear whether the next movie will once again feature two separate storylines going in parallel with one another. But that's exactly what's currently generating the concern for some people. David Yates will be returning to helm the second movie, so let's just hope he'll find a way to make the sequel feel more... balanced and evenly focused. "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them 2", a tentative title for now because I'm not even sure if it will be accurate to the story anymore, is set to be released next year on November 16th, 2018. That's when we'll see whether this will turn out to be a magical Brokeback Mountain between Law and Depp, or another adventure of Newt & Co.

DC Films

Pray tell, why are we getting another poster for "The Justice League"? The popular notion is that WB is launching one as preparation for that last trailer debuting in theaters alongside "The Fate of the Furious". Yet when you look at the timing, somehow it just feels rather inappropriate. I mean, why not release it alongside those character posters and teasers last month? Can't remember? Those ones that oddly arrived on the same week to Spider-Man's posters and trailer. Sounds dejavu? Because Marvel Studios had just debuted the trailer and first poster for their upcoming Thor movie as well! You know, the one that will premiere just two weeks ahead of "The Justice League"!

Aaaah yes, THAT is the reason why calling this as coincidence is hokey at best. As if WB is trying to convince audience that... yes, despite the muted colors and the joyless forced humor, their grand ensemble movie is as colorful and fun. Now I can't help but wonder if this is a direct answer to that hillarious FANMADE video that's casually making fun of Ben Affleck's Bruce Wayne and Gal Gadot's Diana Prince... LOL. Anyway, my point is... hogging on another movie's spotlight is acceptable, since many studios have been doing this since the Hollywood's dinosaur age. But I do really wish WB would stop being so dickish, while at the same time, being utterly obvious about it. Stop positioning themselves as the angry envious rival, subtly but blatantly creating flame wars with Marvel, because it does them no good. Acting all offensive in a non-existent competition is the wrong thing to do, because it makes them look BAD instead!

"Wonder Woman" also made news because the movie is said to be tracking for a $83 million opening. Eventhough it is unfortunately lower than DC Films' previous two movies, it sure didn't stop fans from turning into bragging mode and stuff. After all, that's how the internet works, and sorry to say, precisely the way 'DC fans' tend to overreact with things both good and bad. Meanwhile, another outlandish rumor hit the internet, claiming that WB will release not one, not two, but FOUR Batman-related movies in the year 2019. Yeah, judging from the studio's track record on announcing DC projects, only to end up losing directors or getting back to first page rewrites... over and over again, that sounds too good to be true, right? Despite all that, just imagine the headlines and numerous thinkpieces immediately run by various entertainment, and fansites. Well, at least until WB's producer Jon Berg and DC Entertainment's President Geoff Johns themselves shot down this report in their own hillarious way. I don't know about you, but THAT is what I call FUN.

Last but not least, Dolph Lundgren has joined "Aquaman" to play merman(?) King Nereus of Xebel. Making him the third antagonist after Patrick Wilson's Orm, and Yahya Abdul-Mateen II's Black Manta. That's not counting the likelihood of Willem Dafoe's Dr. Vulko turning evil, of course. Director James Wan has confirmed this casting himself, and Lundgren will likely join production when it begins on May in Hawaii. Although having the former Punisher sounds good, once again, this casting felt a little toooo obvious to be a coincidence. After all, we just got a hot rumor surrounding Sylvester Stallone's important role in the upcoming Guardians movie. And when you start remembering that Lundgren used to play as Stallone's rival/opponent in "Rocky IV" before teaming up in "The Expendables" series? Aaaaaah, it's another act of spite, right there! Oh WB, when will you ever learn...

Transformers

Have you seen the latest trailer for "Transformers: The Last Knight"? I certainly haven't, because I'm totally not looking forward to see this movie anytime soon. But I heard it was great, and well... probably the best one this movie has released so far. Honestly, after the lackluster tragedy that was "Transformers: Age of Extinction", I never would've thought that we're going to get a 5th movie of this winding-down franchise. And this is just the beginning of another array of sequels, because director Michael Bay himself has explicitly stated to MTV that... "There are fourteen stories written. And there’s good stuff. So, I would like to do one of them, though.". 14? SERIOUSLY?!! Dang it, for a guy who thought "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" was meant to be the last, this statement felt like an offensive mockery. Anyways, this 5th movie is set to arrive on June 23rd. I'm personally more curious about whether it will rake as much money as the previous one. Somehow I suspect it won't, but general audience seems to love this franchise... so, we'll see.

SONY Marvel Universe

SONY Pictures has found its Miles Morales! What for? That animated "Spider-Man" movie that is set to be released on December 21st, 2018. Yes, the same date that recently has been occupied by "Aquaman". The young actor privileged to lend his voice for the animated Miles is none other than Shameik Moore. Fans might argue that Morales is half black, half latino in the comics, whereas Moore is not. But this is an animated movie, which only requires his voice, so I don't think it should be a problem. The actor himself shot to fame following his debut in Rick Famuyiwa's "Dope", later starred in the Netflix drama "The Get Down", and will next be seen in "The Pretenders". Speaking of "Dope", who would've guessed that it was such a good movie, eh? I mean, most of its main cast has gotten big comic book roles now. Tony Revolori is soon to be seen as Flash in MCU's Spider-Man. Kiersey Clemons is Iris West in DC's who-knows-when Flash movie, a feature that was almost directed by Famuyiwa. Zoe Kravitz was in "X-Men: First Class". And now Moore. Should we expect anyone else from that movie?

Aside from Moore, another cast who has joined the movie is Liev Schreiber. Schreiber portrayed Sabretooth in "X-Men Origins: Wolverine", and is currently well known as the lead actor of "Ray Donovan". According to the same report, Schreiber will be voicing the movie's antagonist/supervillain, though his character is being kept a secret for now. If I didn't know better, I have a feeling that Schreiber is going to voice Otto Octavius, or more popularly known as Dock Ock. Unless he's being assigned to voice Kraven the Hunter, which might also work when you put into account his previous ferocious comic book role. Then again, just like Moore, only his voice will be utilized, so he can practically play anyone. LOL. Hollywood's favorite duo Phil Lord and Chris Miller are writing and producing this movie, while Bob Persichetti and Peter Ramsey will co-direct the movie. Considering this is an animated movie, shouldn't they start working from now? I mean, animation is unlike live action movie, because it needs to be done at least 2 years in advance to achieve the highest quality. Let's just hope that this movie will be able to stand against the rising tide of "Aquaman" when it arrives next year. Otherwise, this might spell trouble for SONY's ambitious universe.

X-Men Universe

In a very surprising (but seriously pleasant) announcement, "Deadpool 2" has discovered its future-mutant Cable. And my oh my, it's Mad Titan Thanos himself, Josh Brolin!!! Yes, scoring his second Marvel role, Brolin's Cable will be featured in not one, nor two, but FOUR future X-Men movies. Popular speculation says that his next movie will be "X-Force", if not "New Mutants" as well. He's joining Ryan Reynolds who is returning to produce and star as lead character Wade Wilson, as well as Zazie Beets who will portray Domino. Interestingly, Brolin has played a comic book character before, as the titular character in the critically and financially failed DC movie "Jonah Hex". Which means, he and Reynolds are fated kindred spirits from the get go! That's nothing but true fact, no matter how Reynolds openly 'complains' about it... LOL.

No offense to David Harbour, Brad Pitt, or Michael Shannon, but Brolin sounds too perfect for this role. Not just in terms of looks, but also in the actor's ability to play the straight-faced man with a penchant to infuse his character with various kinds of intensity. "Old Boy", and "Sicario" are great examples of this. Created by Rob Liefeld and writer Louise Simonson, Cable is the complete opposite personality to the obnoxious, oddball, and foul-mouthed Deadpool. He's a tough, no-nonsense mutant whose gruff attitude and mysterious aura didn't waste time to attract a great number of fans. He has also been paired with Deadpool ever since. Suffice to say, it's a character that is right up on Brolin's alley, with "Men in Black 3" as its easiest example. With this sequel expected to arrive in 2018, production for the David Leitch feature is set to have a June start in Vancouver. Brolin is currently filming his Thanos role with Marvel Studios in Atlanta, and might even have completed his motion-capture part already. So rest assured, scheduling issue is not even a thing. Interestingly, both movies will be released next year, which means, 2018 would be a truly Marvel-ous year for Brolin!

Marvel Studios

Have you seen the mindblowing first teaser of "Thor: Ragnarok"? The long awaited teaser was simply rock and roll AWESOME, wasn't it! Not only director Taika Waititi delivered a Thor Odinson's movie that already felt distinctly different to his previous solo features, he also imbued it with his signature quirky fun but gorgeous colorful style. It felt like this least-favored franchise of the Marvel Cinematic Universe has finally embraced its funky Asgardian glory and cosmic side, eh? As if that's not enough to please us, it has already scored an amazing achievement by being the most-watched trailer that both Disney and Marvel Studios ever released! Is this a good sign? Most definitely. In fact, this was such a splendid teaser, I'm actually hoping that Marvel Studios won't be releasing anything else after this. This one's more than enough to grab audience's attention.

The official poster that came afterwards, though? Perhaps it didn't quite leave a similar impression, but arguably still emitted a strong promise of colors and style. Especially with all those Rainbow-Bridge-tone illuminating the titular character. Just look all those gorgeous colors, right? Chris Hemsworth is looking cool with that new haircut, and of course, don't forget the absence of Thor's beloved Mjolnir. Seriously, this movie is going to be strangely fun but epic! November 3rd, 2017 can't come soon enough.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves too soon. "Ragnarok" is still 7 months away, and there's "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2" and "Spider-Man: Homecoming" that we need to anticipate first! With all three releases of the year looking equally fun and colorful, it would be a mistake to skip any one of them, right? HUGE mistake. And we can expect the first screenings reactions from "Vol 2" pretty soon. Why? Director James Gunn, along with stars Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, and Dave Bautista have kicked off the sequel's worldwide promotional tour in Tokyo, Japan last week. Not surprising, because it is set to hit theatres in Australia, Southeast Asia, and other international countries theatres starting on April 25.

As for the North American region, if I'm not mistaken, some of the press members are going to be the first to see it, just a few days from now. I bet early social media reviews and responses will arrive pretty much the same day. That's also the same reason why it's going to get harder and harder to avoid spoilers spreading throughout the internet. Even interviews and press roundup have slowly reveal details about the movie, much earlier than we expected. For example, Kurt Russell has spoken to Total Film (via Flickering Myth) on whether we'll be seeing a "Tango and Cash" reunion in this movie between his Ego the Living Planet, and Sylvester Stallone's mysterious character. Nah... I won't spoil anything about it, just go ahead and read the article if you're up with a little spoiler.

For the time being, "Vol 2" is tracking for a $150 million domestic debut. This is considerably close to the opening of "Captain America: Civil War", and also a solid improvement to the $94,3 million debut of the first "Guardians of the Galaxy" back in 2014. It's hard to predict whether this opening estimation is on point or not, because even "Beauty and the Beast" have magnificently surpassed its initial tracking number (and has broken the $1 billion mark yesterday). There's always a chance that the same accomplishment will occur with "Vol 2", considering the franchise is now sitting on everyone's top 5 most favorite among the MCU. Not to mention, "Vol 2" is the first movie that will kick start the 2017 Summer Movie season in the US. I guess we'll have to wait and see, and hope the best for the sequel. Because if it's good, then I bet Gunn would not shy away from returning to create a "Vol 3".

As for "Homecoming", several rather spoilery details of the movie might have landed online as well. In this case, regarding the "Daily Bugle" existence in the MCU, several scene descriptions from an event held in Tokyo, the possible appearance of other Avengers beside Robert Downey Jr.'s Tony Stark, as well as actress Angourie Rice's true role in the movie. Hailing down from a Tom Holland's fanbase account on Twitter, these reports felt... a little hard to fully believe, because it could very well be a subjective assumption on their part. So do take them with a huge grain of salt.

Finally, remember that candid photos of Elizabeth Olsen filming an action scene for "Avengers: Infinity War" in Edinburgh? There's a video version of it now, and one that looks rather... dire and serious. This scene once again hinting that Olsen's Scarlet Witch and likely Paul Bettany's Vision will come into blow with a CGed henchmen, presumably the Black Order members. If you're curious, then go ahead and check it on Youtube. Assuming it hasn't been taken down, of course. Inline with the casting announcement from FOX, it seems Josh Brolin would have concluded his part as Thanos in May so that he can join the production for "Deadpool 2" in Vancouver. Which is probably why the "Infinity War" production will then proceed with his Black Order members instead.

Netflix

This might sound surprising, but it's the last category for today! Yes, because I have no topics for the game section. LOL.

It wasn't long ago that we heard Marvel's "The Defenders" has wrapped its production, to pave way for the second season of Marvel's "Jessica Jones". Looks like Marvel's "The Punisher" has followed suit as well with its completion. A Twitter fanbase account for lead actor Jon Bernthal, reported that the cast has thrown away a wrap party for the production that began on October 2016. Judging from this, it's safe to assume that the series will in fact arrive later this year instead of next year. It's a little suspicious though, that it wrapped just a few weeks after "The Defenders" eventhough they started at relatively the same time. Considering the mini series only has 8 episodes, does this mean "The Punisher" might be a more compact/shorter series than those previous four? I sure hope so, because forcing these serialized shows into a 13 episodes with materials enough for maybe 10 at most, certainly didn't work charm. Said sentiment has even become one of the loudest talked-about criticism thrown at them. Here's hoping Netflix will realize this issue and solve it accordingly, because seriously, watching Marvel's "Iron Fist" alone has already worn me out.

Meanwhile, Netflix is reminding its audience that the 2nd season of "Sense8" will arrive in May 5th, by launching an official trailer. Which is highly necessary, because even I have forgotten that I've written about this fact before! YIKES!!! The inability of Netflix to set a fixed annual release date is admittedly troublesome, as it tends to wore out its devoted audience due to uncertainty of when to expect any continuations. "Sense8" and "Voltron Legendary Defender", as well as their uncertain delays are good examples of this particular issue.

IMHO, "Sense8" is a show that would have benefitted from having its second season arriving as soon as possible, preferably in mere months apart (just like the Network side, perhaps?). The first season was undoubtedly slow if not poorly paced, and the story only got interesting and intense in the last two-to-three episodes. It undeniably felt like an extended intro for the real story, thus forcing viewers to wait too long (remember, first season was launched in 2015!) to see what's next (one that hopefully explores the REAL intrigue behind them), simply doesn't do any good. Sure, there was a "Sense8: Christmas Special" on December 23rd last year, but I doubt many even knew it existed nor have watched it. I sure haven't, because even I only remember about it just now, FOUR months later. LOL. And to be honest, although I'm probably among the few who DID enjoy the first season, I've realized I'm not that anxious to see the second. Why? I have forgotten whatever was happening in it, so seeing this new trailer only succeeded in making me scratch my head in confusion. That is NOT good...

Thankfully, Netflix's bingewatch functionality helps to counter this problem. After all, unlike movies that come and go, we can view any of their original shows anytime we want. So those who haven't seen the first, can plan their start later by watching both seasons all at once. Trust me, I believe that would be more effective for this series. So right now, I'm patiently waiting for the critics' reviews first before actually checking the second season. While at the same time, re-watching the first season one by one, which might be a challenge because sadly this show doesn't have a strong rewatchability. My only hope is, I won't end up forgetting about this plan in just a few weeks after release. LOL.

#Random-News-Digest #random thoughts #news #movie #fantastic beasts and where to find them #dc #justice league #transformers #spider-man #animation #deadpool #Marvel Studios #thor: ragnarok #Spider-Man: Homecoming #guardians of the galaxy vol. 2 #Avengers #infinity war #netflix #the punisher

3 notes · View notes

glitterrhowell · 6 years

Text

Demons

Title: Demons

Pairing: Daniel Howell & AmazingPhil (Phan

Word count: 6k

Warning/Genre:

Alcohol Abuse / Alcoholism / Past Alcohol Abuse / Alcoholism / Past Drug Use /

Past Drug Addiction / Drug Use / Past Sexual Abuse / Sexual Abuse / Past / Rape/Non-con / Rape/Non-con Elements / kinda sad ending / Derogatory Language / Homophobic Language / Angst / Heavy Angst / Drug Addiction / Sad Dan Howell / Hurt Dan Howell / Hospitals / Hospitalization / Violence / graphic sexual abuse / Threats of Rape/Non-Con / Break Up

Summary: One night Dan and Phil have a terrible fight which results in Dan storming out of the apartment. Dan finds himself in the neighborhood he used to get drugs from the only thing is Dan has been sober of any drugs and alcohol for over six years. Will Dan be able to resist his old comfort and fight the temptation? Will one night ruin his entire life?

Read on Ao3

Read on Wattpad

Authors Note: First of all, I would like to thank anyone who has stumbled upon this story and decided to read it. This is a story I wrote months ago but only decided to it post now. This is by far one of my favorite things I have ever written. I was inspired to write this after I listened to Demi Lovato's song "Sober", and I may or may not have listened to it on repeat while writing this. This story is unedited.

Just a few warnings this story is dark and heavy and tags should be looked over closely if you think you may become triggered. I am not a professional nor a survivor of sexual abuse/Drug abuse/alcohol abuse I wrote purely on the research I did. If you decide to read comments and likes are always appreciated (but not required) they make me feel validated and loved.

I tried to tag everything I could think of but if you spot something you think should be tagged then let me know

Once again thank you to everyone who reads this and I hope you enjoy the story!

~~~~~~

"Morning sleepy head."

Dan felt a soft pair of lips on his. Dan’s eyes fluttered open.

"What was that for?" he asked smiling.

Phil just softly smiled at him, "What I can't wake my amazing boyfriend up with a kiss?" He playfully pouting his lips.

"Of course you can you spoon," he said giggling.

Phil laid down on his side and Dan turned so he was facing him.

Taking a moment to appreciate his boyfriend Dan noted how the sunlight peeking through the curtains shone across Phil's face. His hair pushed up in a messy quiff with a hint of stubble from yesterday. He was beautiful.

"What?" Phil smirked at him.

He buried his head in Phil’s chest feeling the heat on his cheeks.

"Nothing I'm just really happy." he sighed.

Phil swept a curl out of his eyes grabbing his chin with his other hand he tilted his head so his blue eyes were staring into Dan’s dark chocolate ones. "I'm so happy to bear." he breathed before bending down and planting another soft kiss on Dan's lips. “You make me so happy.”

Dan brought his hand up and placed it on Phil's chest. They laid there a long time just enjoying each others company.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few days later Dan walked into the kitchen and was greeted by an excited looking Phil. It nearly scared him half to death as he wasn't expecting it."Phil! What are you doing?"

"It's your six-year anniversary!" It took him a few seconds to notice he was holding a cupcake with a number six candle placed on top and a bouquet of flowers in the other.

He gave him a confused look, "What are you talking about."

The smile fell slightly from Phil's lips, “You six years sober today."

His heart dropped they had been so busy lately he hadn’t even realized the date was coming up. Guilty spread through his body Phil had remembered such an important event in his life and he hadn’t. That was the exact reason he loved Phil. Even if he hadn’t remembered Phil still understood what an important date it was to him and wouldn’t let him forget.

Dan smiled walking over to Phil and took the cupcake and flowers from Phil. He plunked the six off the top of the cupcake and licked it. “Dan that’s gross!” pretending to be disgusted.

“You wouldn’t be saying that if it was something else I was licking,” he said smugly.

He laughed as the heat rose to Phil’s face, even after all this time he could still make him blush. Dan laughed at him and was caught off guard when Phil hooked his fingers on his belt loop and yanked him closer. Dan’s breath hitched their bodies were now flushed against each together. Phil kissed him sinfully biting Dan’s bottom lip in the process. And that is how they spent the day having sex, cuddling and play video games. Really no different than any other day but deep down both of them knew that there was a deeper meaning to it.

After Dan and moved in with Phil he had gone through a very rough patch in his life. Dan always loved a drink or two to unwind. There was nothing wrong with a young adult like himself having a drink to unwind and have fun. He was young he was supposed to be going out to the pubs and having fun. But one or two drinks had progressed to three or four and eventually he was able downing an entire bottle of whiskey himself.

By this time Phil had started to notice how he went out more and came home drunker than normal and when he tried to confront him about it he shrugged it off as just having fun. But in reality, he was drinking because he hated UNI and it was causing his depression to flare up. Drinking made it easier to cope with the pressure his parents were putting on him to finish law school.

During that time their relationship became strained. Dan wanted to always go out and party and Phil preferred to stay in eating pizza and playing video games.

He started coming home early in the mornings after a night of partying and it progressed to the point he got so wasted he would black out and not remember anything from the night before. His grades were deeply affected which eventually lead to him dropping out of law school. You would think without that extra stress he would stop drinking as much but it had the opposite effect. His parents disowned him and even refused to acknowledge his existence. So with more time on his hands, he was able to go out to the pubs sooner and start the party early.

The first time he tried heroin he knew he was screwed he was addicted instantly. He couldn’t even describe the feeling the drug gave him. But he did know when that needle hit his veins his problems melted away. He would almost describe it as swallowing the sun. He could feel the drug running through his veins making him feel warm and just purely blessed out.

By this point, he and Phil were not even on speaking terms. He would stumble home fall into bed pass out and get up and do it all again the next day. Not only did his relationship fall apart but so did his Youtube channel. He was usually too high drunk or both to ever make videos. When he stopped updating his social media he might as well have fallen off the face of the earth. The only who truly knew what was going on was Phil. He doesn't know when Phil figured it out or for how long he had known but their lives came to a screeching halt when Dan had overdosed. At the time he didn’t realize how close he was to losing everything.

He had woken up in the hospital to a crying and broken Phil who told him if he didn't get help than he was going to leave. He said he couldn't watch Dan destroy himself and longer. He spent several weeks in the hospital detoxing and working a recovery program. He started talking to a therapist again began working through his problems. After months of hard work, sleepless nights and far too many crying spells he was finally considered sober and recovering. Since the day of the ‘incident’ as he had taken to calling it he hadn't touched a drop of alcohol or used any type of drugs. There was just too much at stake for him to mess up his life again.

A year after the ‘incident’ and a year being sober is when he made his Youtube video in over a year. With lots of support from Phil and his therapist, he decided his first video back would be on his journey and recovery. He hadn’t expected the video to blow up like it did. It had reached a million views in just one day. He had gained several thousand new followers who were inspired by his journey but the reaction from his audience had been mixed. Some people where happy he was back and sharing his recovery with them. But there was a small portion of people who were angry. They were angry he had been gone for so long without a word and disgusted and disappointed in him for turning to alcohol and drugs. At first, it had really bothered him that so many people didn’t support him and chose to unsubscribe. But after talking it over with his therapist he realized that is was probably for the better as negativity like that could cause a relapse.

And every year since the ‘incident’ the celebrated his sobriety and just plain being alive in some way or another. Of course, Dan always insisted that it wasn't needed and it wasn’t a big deal but deep down it meant the world to him. It had been the hardest thing he had ever down and he was proud of himself. And he loved that Phil was proud of him too.

~~~~~~~~

"I thought you did it!" Phil yelled at him.

"Well, I thought you did it! How was I supposed to know you didn't? You never talk to me anymore!" Dan threw back at him glaring.

"Fuck off Dan that has nothing to do with this! You were supposed to take care of booking the tickets! Now, what are we supposed to do? We're not going to make it to Vidcon in time!"

"I don't know Phil! Maybe we can get some last minute tickets." He said trying to reason with him.

Phil threw his hands up in the air, "Dan there are no more tickets and now we have no way to get there. Do you know how many people bought tickets to just see us? Now we are going to have to tell them we aren't going to be there! They're going to be so disappointed!"

Dan shut his eyes and sighed. It seemed like all they did these days was fight constantly at each other's throats. They could literally fight over the stupidest things these days. Last week they had argued over whose turn it had been to order groceries. These days they hardly spent any time together and what time they did was spent either fighting or filming gaming videos. They didn't even sleep in the same bedroom half the time anymore, a few months ago Phil had taken to sleeping in the bed in his filming bedroom. Leaving Dan all alone and feeling like everything was his fault.

"Look I'm sorry," he said attempting to keep the anger out of his voice.

"Sorry isn't going to fix it, Dan!" He bit back at him. "God, you can be such a fuck up and selfish sometimes." Phil turned around and stormed off leaving Dan in a puddle of his own tears.

Phil was right he was a fuck up and selfish. It's not like he had been to busy to buy the tickets he had just spent the last week playing Guild wars and forgotten.

Wiping away his tears he stalked off towards the front door. It was late and he had no idea where he was going but he knew he needed to get out of there so he just kept walking. He didn't know how long he had been walking but by the time he stopped and looked around, he didn't recognize anything around him.

He shivered it was a cold night and he wishes he would have grabbed a jacket before he left. He wrapped his arms around himself and continued to walk hoping to come across a shop or street he recognized. He walked for another ten minutes when he started to recognize some of the places around him. This was one of the sketchier parts of London and it was also the place he used to frequent the pubs. On top of that, it was also very easy to score just about anything in this neighborhood.

Rubbing his hands together he stepped into the nearest shop in an attempt to warm up.

"Can I help you with anything?"

Dan turned his head and was met with a bored looking cashier.

"uhh no thanks, I'm just trying to warm up a little."

"If you're not going to buy anything then get out!" the man barked.

Not wanting to face the cold again yet he held up his hand, “Ok, Ok, I’ll get something."

Dan glanced at the shelf closest to him and reach for the closest thing to him which was a bottle of water when his hand stopped in mid-air. Lining the shelf next to the water was several different types of liquor bottles. He glanced around the shop, of course, the shop he picks to stop at just has to be a liquor shop of all places.

His heart rate quickened and his hands started to shake it seemed like time had stopped. Of course over the years he had cravings but never cravings as strong as they were right now.

“Hey kid you going to buy something or not?” an annoyed looking cashier yelled.

He took a deep breath and reach for the bottle of water again but he changed his mind halfway there and blindly grabbed one of the bottles of liquor off the shelf.

His mind was no longer on staying out of the cold so he paid for his purchase and quickly left the shop. Once out in the cold again he took his purchase out of the bag to have a look at it. He snorted it was just his luck that he had happened to grab a bottle of his favorite whiskey.

He stood outside the shop staring at the bottle forever before he decided that he should just throw it away. He hovered the bottle over the rubbish bin by the side of the road not quite having the courage to actually throw the bottle away.

Fuck it he thought one drink wouldn't hurt, right?

And that's how he found himself stumbling the streets of London carrying an empty whiskey bottle in his hands. He had really fucked up and if he wasn't so loaded at the moment he might actually care. But that’s the thing about alcohol at least for him it lowered his inhibitions just enough he did stupid things and stop all sense of his caring.

He wasn’t paying attention and he stumbled into a big scary looking man,

“Sode off areshole!” The man pushed him. Because he was already unsteady from the booze he falls on the ground flat on his ass. He was a bit disoriented and it took him a minute to process what had happened. But by that time the man was walking off muttering something about, “Fucking fag needs to watch where he’s going.”

He seriously considered just saying on the ground that is where trash belongs anyway, wasn’t it? But being on the ground caused him to shiver even more than he had before. He used the wall behind him to steady himself so he could stand up. He brushed off his pants and scanned the area hoping there might be somewhere warmer to sit. His eyes landed on the abandoned park across the street it wasn’t ideal but it was something.

He crossed the street to the park almost getting hit by a cab in the process. He walked over to the bench and he fell into it with an "oof."

He hadn’t been sitting there long before he felt the bench bend next to him signaling someone had sat down.

“Hey, buddy you looking to score?”

Dan froze and his blood ran cold he would recognize that voice anywhere.

This guy had been his drug dealer and party buddy a few years back. He and Eric hit it off the moment they met each other. They had met at some party a few years ago, Dan was looking to score as his last drug dealer had been busted by the police. He was in really bad shape with Eric found him. Curled up on the dirty floor of some club’s bathroom crying, shaking and throwing up. Eric didn’t even know him yet he got down on the nasty floor with him and pulled Dan’s into his lap cradling him. He had given him the last of his drugs free of charge just so he didn’t have to suffer the withdrawals anymore. When he had asked him a few months later Eric had said he could recognize a lost and broken soul when he saw one and he couldn't bear the thought of someone like him being so lost and broken.

They partied together and Eric kept a steady supply of drugs in his system that was his life until one night. It wasn't that they had any of the same interests in video games or anime it was their interest in partying that had drawn them together. He remembers quite a few nights crashing on Eric’s couch because he was to fucked up to make it home. He didn’t care Dan was a YouTuber, in fact, he’s not even sure Eric had known he was a famous Youtuber it’s not like it ever came up in conversation.

But apparently being friend’s had not been enough for him.

One night they had decided to stay in as Eric said he some really good stuff that he didn’t want to share with anyone else. And hell who was Dan to care as long as he got his fix. So they sat in Eric’s living room throwing back shot after shot and taking a whole different assortment of drugs. He was an addict he didn't care what he took as long as it gives him that warm and happy feeling.

They had been sprawled out on Eric’s sofa playfully banting back in forth when things took a turn for the worst. He’s not even sure what had started it but Eric had gotten angry with him claiming he was tired of providing him drugs for practically free. Dan had been confused because he always paid him money for whatever he gave him.

Eventually, the fight escalated and Eric began throwing insults at him.

“You’re just a worthless fucking bitch you know that Dan? No wonder that boyfriend of yours doesn't even touch you anymore.” he sneered at him.

“Hey don’t you bring fucking bring Phil into this he has nothing to do with it!” he fired back.

“Phil does have something to fucking do with this! Does he know his boyfriend carry yourself around like a fucking whore? I mean look at you!”

So what he wearing a crop top and black short cut mini shorts. It was the middle of July and it had been hot out earlier.

“What I wear has never bothered you before!”

“Oh, it’s always bothered me you tramps around like a slut flirting with me so I give you what you want!”

“I've been upfront with you from the beginning! I told you I had a boyfriend and wasn't looking to sleep around! If you didn’t understand that then it’s your fucking problem, not mine!”

Eric got closer to him, “Yeah it is your fucking problem!”

He grabbed ahold of Dan’s chin and pulled him into a rough kiss. Dan tried to push him off but his efforts were futile. He may be taller than him but Eric outweighed him by quite a few pounds. Nothing knowing what else to do he bit down forcefully on his lip. Eric yelp, “What the fuck you do that for?”

“I told you I have a boyfriend and I don’t want to have sex with you!”

Eric’s eyes filled with hate and angry “Well you have no fucking choice!”

He grabbed his arm again only this time he didn’t pull him in for a kiss instead he started dragging him across the room to what had could only assume was his bedroom. He fought back with all his strength he manages to kick him in the leg. Eric let go and Dan turned around to run but he wasn't fast enough he was pushed down onto the lounge floor.

“Stop it! Get off of me!” he screamed. Eric didn’t take any notice as he slapped him in the face and started pulling his trousers down. He squirmed underneath him but Eric had such a good that he couldn’t shake him off. He ripped his underwear off next and watch as Dan’s cock sprung free.

“Hmm look at that so pretty for me.” he cooed.

“Fuck off!” he screamed still trying to get lose.

Eric just chuckled as he pulled his own pants down letting his dick free. Without warning, he shoved himself inside of him. The pain was instant and almost indescribable it was nothing like he had ever felt before.

At this point, Dan stopped struggling and accept his fate.

It didn’t take long for Eric’s jaw to slack and his eyes closed as he groaned and came inside of him. He hissed as pulled out from oversensitivity and collapsed on the floor next to him breathing heavily. Dan just laid there still numb to what had just happened.

“Umm, so that was pretty good huh?” Eric asked with no hint of shame whatsoever in his voice.

This snapped him out of it and started sobbing, “You fucking raped me! You're a monster!” he screamed. Eric looked genuinely confused, “Oh come on Dan it was just a little rough sex. Everything is fine now all the built-up sexual tension is gone for both of us.”

He choked on a sob as he shakily got to his feet. He stumbled around looking for his trousers that had been thrown in the process of everything. Eric got up to help him, “Come on baby don’t be like that.”

Still sobbing Dan did his best to glare at him as he pulled up his pants. “I’m fucking leaving and don’t expect to ever see me again!” he spat out.

Before Eric could respond he stumbled out his front door.

That is the night Dan went home and overdosed.

Eventually, he had told his therapist about this after getting clean and with her help he had told Phil. Phil, of course, had been heartbroken and pissed about what this guy had done to him. But after months of regular therapy and some couples therapy, the managed to work it out and get back to being semi-normal

“Hey, buddy you alright?” The voice pulled him from the painful memory.

Keeping his head turned and trying to disguise his voice, “Yeah I’m fine I just need to get going.” He jumped up but before he could get far a hand wrapped around his arm pulling him back.

“What’s the rush you wanna party baby?”

Anger coursed through him he gathered all the courage his drunk body and mind had and turned towards him.

“No, I don’t want to fucking party!” He spat back his words slurred slightly.

It took a moment before a smile broke out on his face. “Dan? Dan omg is that you? I haven’t seen you in years! After that night at my flat, you just disappeared and never came back! I wondered what had happened to you.”

Dan continued to glare at him, “I told you that night that you would never see me again!” he hissed.

Confusion broke out on Eric’s face, “Oh come on baby your still really not mad about what happened are you?” he said creasing Dan’s arm.

He yanked his arm away, “Don’t fucking touch me you monster!”

A grin broke out on his face as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small baggie. Inside there was some white powder. “Are you sure baby because I have your favorite.”

He froze as he looked at the baggie in his hands. His body started shaking with want.

Eric chuckled, “See baby I know you want it. How about we go back to mine and we can have some fun?”

Of course, Dan’s wasn’t even considering this but what he was considering was grabbing the bag and running which is exactly what he did. Luckily he caught Eric off guard giving him a head start.

“Get back here you fucking bitch!” he heard Eric scream behind him.

He looked behind him and started running even faster when he saw Eric was gaining on him. He had sobered up considerably but he was still swerving side to side a little as he ran. Up ahead there was a crowd of people filtering out of what like a theater. Using his last bit of energy he pushed forward into the crowd. He stopped running when he reached the crowd electing to slip past people and try to blend in instead.

He ducked into the movie theater. He tried his luck and asked someone where the bathroom was and unlike at the store earlier they gladly pointed him in the right direction. He entered one of the stalls and sat down on the toilet.

Fuck! Why was he so stupid? Why did he take the drugs?

He knows the answer he was fucking worthless that’s why. Undeserving of everything he has, defiantly undeserving of Phil. These drugs were the only thing he had they were his only friend.

He looked down at the baggie in his hand tears starting to leak from his eyes. Fuck it he thought to himself. He opened the bag a shook half the powder into his hand and brought it up to his nose taking his other to pinch the other hole he snorted the milky white substance. Now all he had to go was wait for the drugs to take effect.

About ten minutes later the drugs still hadn’t kicked in but he really didn’t want to ride his high out in a movie theater bathroom anyway. He was pretty certain that if Eric and known he went into the theater that he would have followed him instead of waiting outside for him.

This time when he entered the lobby of the theater it was deserted there must be a movie showing at the moment. As he walked by a tired looking teenager gave him a little wave. He waved back and quickly exited the theater.

He could see his breath again the moment he stepped back outside. He shoved his hands deep down in his pants pockets quickly looking around to make sure he hadn’t been wrong about Eric. When he was certain the coast was clear he started walking in the opposite direction of the park.

At this time of night, the streets were pretty much empty. It only took another ten minutes for the drugs to start kicking in. The warmth spreading throughout his body as the euphoria hit him like a ton of bricks. As his heart rate increase and his body heated up being without a jacket became less and less of a problem. He chuckled and let out a sigh of relief he couldn’t believe his luck. He continued walking leave Eric behind him or so he thought. Maybe it was the drugs causing him to not pay attention but he should have been.

As he walked by a dark alleyway he felt himself being pulled inside. He tried to scream but a hand was placed over his mouth before he could.

“Thought you could get away with stealing from me huh princess.” Eric sneered on his ear.

Dan felt all the warmth leave his body instantly.

“This is what you deserve you fucking whore.”

He felt metal being inserted into his abdomen. The pain wasn’t bad at first but after the fifth stab is when he began to feel the effect of all the blood he was losing.

Eric filthy licked his mouth before letting him drop. He slumped to the ground his own legs being unable to keep him standing. Eric kicked him in the leg before he stalked off chuckling.

He fumbled in his pocket for his phone to only realize he must have left at home. He groaned partly from the pain and partly because he was a fucking idiot. His vision was already beginning to fade. He knew he didn’t have the energy to crawl out of the alley so he leaned his head back and closed his eyes, accepting his fate.

~~~~~~~~~~

He was floating surrounded by pitch black quit darkness. But instead of feeling saddened or unsettled by the darkness he felt nothing but peacefulness. For the first time ever he had no worries and no emotional turmoil. He was content being here. He didn’t know were exactly where here was but it felt like a place he could spend forever it.

There was a loud rumble and the blackness vibrated around him. This wasn’t right you were supposed to be at peace when you die. Was this some sort of cruel trick? Where they making him think that he could have eternal peace and happiness but then cruelly rip it away from him.

The darkness once again pulsated around him. Up far above him he could make out a small light. Curious he started “swimming” towards the light. The closer he got the loud rumbles started to form into words. I couldn’t make out what the words where but he could tell Phil was the one speaking them.

Phil. His poor Phil maybe sad but he was better off without him.

Phil’s voice drew him almost like a siren's song word a sailor. No matter how much he tried he couldn’t resist it.

He came upon the light.

~~~~~~~~~~

He slowly opened his eyes blinking and rubbing away the crusts that rest in the corners. The memories from the previous night came rushing back to him. He let out a groan how could he have been so stupid.

“Dan?”

It was Phil. Tears sprung from his eyes and he attempted to hide his face in his hands.

“No Dan look at me. I need to see your really ok. Please.” the last word was more of a plea than anything.

The moment their eyes meet Dan wished more than anything he could sink back into the sweet darkness. Phil’s eyes were filled with tears and pain. Pain Dan knew he had caused.

“Phil I’m so sorry,” he whispered his eyes once again averted away from Phil’s in shame.

“I know you are. “ he sighed.

It hurt Dan could hear the disappointment in his voice. His eyes started to water, “I honestly didn’t mean to Phil. I was just so upset after our fight and it seems like all we have been doing lately his fighting so after I left I just walked. I didn’t grab a coat before I left so I was trying to get out of the cold but the shop owner said I had to buy something and the whiskey was just there I couldn’t resist I’m sorry. It was too late by then and I realized I was in the old neighborhood I used to buy drugs in Eric was there before I know it. He offered the drugs and I just took them. Fuck I don’t know why. I messed up big time I know Phil. Please just forgive me.” he was breathing heavily after his outburst. He didn’t mean to say it all at once like that but it just seemed to spill out.

His head snapped up, “ Wait you saw Eric? Did he try and do anything to you? If he laid a fucking finger on you I swear I will fucking kill him!” Dan flinched at his tone Phil was fuming.

“He tried but I got away before was able to do anything. Please believe me, Phil, I would tell you if he had done anything.” he looked at him with pleading eyes.

“Jesus fucking christ Dan! How the hell did we let it get this bad!” Phil paced the length of the room back and forth.

Dan was silent afraid anything he said would set Phil off again. He didn’t even realize he was crying until a sob ripped through his throat.

The angry drained from his face and was replaced with concern. “Dan hey it’s alright I’m sorry for getting so mad.” Phil looked like he wanted to comfort him but Dan could tell he was refraining himself.

Dan shook his head and that was all it took for Phil to get into bed with him and wrap his arms around him. Phil pulled him so he was seated on his lap. Dan buried his head in the crook of his neck breathing in his scent.

For a while the only sound in the room was his sobs and the occasional “shhh” and “It’s alright.” Phil let him cry and rubbed circles on his back.

After some time his sobs turned into hiccups and eventually stopped altogether. Reluctantly he pulled away. They peered into each other's eyes and without even thinking Dan leaned in and brushed his their lips together. Phil body when rigged the moment their lips touched. Thinking he just caught him off guard he kept kissing but it soon became apparent that he wasn't kissing back.

He quickly crawled off Phil’s lap attempting to get away from him.

“Dan wait.”

Dan turned around and was met with heartbroken eyes.

“I just can’t do this again. I’m glad you're ok now and I will help you through recovery again anyway I can but I just can’t,” he whispered.

Dan’s whole world stopped Phil was leaving him.

“Phil....I-”

“Please don’t make this any harder than it already is.” He stood and stood in front of the window.

Neither of them said anything for a while. Dan was worried if he said anything that it would make this real.

Finally, Phil spoke “You can have the apartment when you get out of rehab. I should have all my stuff moved out by then.”

It didn’t seem real this couldn’t be happening. “Phil you can’t just throw everything we have worked for away!” You can’t throw us away!” tears were rolling down his face again.

Phil flinched at his words, “I didn’t throw us away Dan you did.”

He said it so soft Dan almost didn’t hear him.

“But I love you.” It was his last ditch effort to get Phil to change his mind.

Phil sighed, “I love you too but I don’t think it’s fair for either of us to go through this anymore. I’m so sorry.” Tears were now falling down his face.

He attempted to get out of the bed but his body was so exhausted it just wouldn’t move.

“Phil please don’t do this!” sobs ripping through his body.

“I’m sorry.” were the last words he uttered before he was out the door.

Dan screamed, “Phil! Please come back!”

All of the screaming and commotion must have alerted hospital staff there was something wrong because they came running into the room. He was screaming and crying trying to get out of the bed. A nurse tried to calm him down but nothing she said could repair the hole that was in his heart. He wanted to die if he didn’t have Phil life wasn’t worth living anymore. Those were the last thoughts he had before he felt a cool needle being inserted in his arm. The drug was fast acting as the darkness pulled him under once again he could only hope this time it was permanent.

0 notes

fanfictionreviews-blog1 · 8 years

Text

Fan Fiction Review - Dan Howell x Reader ~ It Doesn’t Have A Title What A Great Way To Start This Off ~

Before I start this off I’d like to issue a disclaimer:

If you wrote this fanfiction, or you know who did or whatever, I don’t hate you, and this isn’t made to bully people who write fanfiction, I’m just having some fun, you know? Don’t get butt hurt, essentially. Also, I’m no grammar-Stephan Hawking, so don’t be surprised if I make a few mistakes myself, I am human after all, but as I say - this is just for fun.

This fanfiction can be found here.

Right then, let’s get started. *Purposely avoids making a Keemstar joke.*

~Analysis:

I walk around he cold streets of London. I am wearing my leather jacket a llama shirt and skinny jeans. I walk down the streets listening to alphabet boy.

So we’re four words in and we can already see that this author evidently doesn’t proof-read their work. Also, just in case you didn’t pick it up, they’re walking down the streets, alright?

I mumble the song. “My alphabet boy..Alphabet boy..” I then walk into a anime store where I see a tall man looking at the death note things.

Aside from the speech, every sentence has started with ‘I’. How captivating. We can also see that the author doesn’t like to capitalize names, apart from one occasion, but that was almost definitely due to the two full-stops placed directly before the letter A. That’s another thing. An ellipsis has three full stops in it, like this:

...

No more, no less. Three. So when you use two, it just looks like you had a second long stroke when you were pressing the period key and only managed two full stops before passing out.

~~~~ This means I skipped a paragraph or two by the way.

I saw him on a book. The Amazing book is not on fire. I looked at one page of the book. (And only one.) His name is Daniel. He likes the color black and also llamas are his animal of choice.

Back at it again with the lack of capitalization! Is that a stale meme yet? Anyway, on this occasion, we got the first word of the sentence AND the next word capitalized in ‘The Amazing book is not on fire’. This is, truly, random capitalization. Author, do you know what sentence variation is? Please use it, because, correct me if I'm wrong but, I haven’t seen one comma so far.

~~~~

“Yeah me and my best friend are sorta like the people who made ‘PROTIP’ and ‘don’t cry.. Craft’ I’m the comments on every YouTube video..” He laughed.

So they’re ‘sorta like’ the people who made ‘PROTIP’ and ‘don’t cry... Craft.’ Some say that Pyrocynical is ‘sorta like’ leafyishere. See what I mean?

It seems to be a reoccurring theme in Dan Howell fanfictions to often refer to Phil as his ‘best friend’ and not just Phil and vice versa... Why? And I’m pretty sure Dan isn’t the comments on every YouTube video, as he probably would have killed himself by now.

“So that’s why ok pewdiepies beard video people commented PROTIP.. Thank god you told me! I was worried a tip was taking over the world!” (Woah you’re so funny.) I say in a sarcastic voice. “to be honest it sorta has” he puts down something he picked up.

Guys, today we don’t even get capital letters at the beginning of a sentence.

Thanks for more evidence to support the fact that you don’t proof-read your work.

You know, the rule ‘new speaker, new line’ is a very useful one, as it allows the reader to distinguish which character is talking without having to read the passage seventeen times, but it is also a rule that many fanfiction writers don’t use. Shame.

“Want to go get some coffee or something?” He asked. “If not I can give-” I cut him off. “Sure we can get some coffee. Do you want to buy anything first?” I asked him. He nodded and grabbed a L plush. I went with him when he got it and we walked out together.

I don’t know Dan aside from watching a few of his videos, but I’m pretty sure if he just met a fan, he wouldn’t ask them on a date straight away. Have you ever seen Evan Edinger’s video on dating a YouTuber with Ash Hardell? Watch it.

Grammar lesson time! When addressing an object that begins with a vowel, (in this case, the name ‘L’.) you would USUALLY use ‘an’ instead of ‘a’, if you don’t it just kind of sounds bad.

As we walked down the side walk we talked about movies, songs, bands.. At coffee we honestly most likely won’t have anything to talk about.

I had to include this because, guys, WE GOT OUR FIRST FUCKING COMMA. Hell yeah, it’s not like we’re halfway through the narrative or anything! They don’t even use the commas in a correct way to form a list, like you’re meant to have ‘and’ before the last item in the list.

Who refers to a coffee shop/cafe as just ‘coffee’? Actually, that whole sentence sounds like a seven-year-old wrote it - I think it’s descriptive enough to use one adverb. Look:

‘we honestly most likely won’t have anything to talk about.’

‘we honestly won’t have anything to talk about.’

Which sounds better? I think the only time you would use more than one adverb in this particular context would be to add emphasis, but there is no evidence in this passage to suggest that that’s what the author was trying to do.

We walk into scooter (no Starbucks) and get our drinks. (Damn you’re so original and unique, yeah, Starbucks is for trashy white girls and basic bitches.) Once we sit down Dan puts his phone on the table. “Wanna like.. Swap numbers?” He asked in a shy tone. “Yeah! Sure.” I handed him my phone and he handed me his. I went to the contacts and added a new one. I put my number and the name as ‘weird anime girl’ (weeaboo) and handed it back in him.

What, you just put his phone in his mouth or something? At least I hope that’s what you meant by ‘in him’. God, I’ve got no one to blame but myself for that one.

The fact that you felt the need to clarify that you’re not going to Starbucks made me laugh and cringe at the same time. Thanks.

This would be the perfect moment for a crazy-stalker-fangirl to steal Dan’s phone and make a run for it, so I think the chances of this happening in real life is slim to none. Sorry guys.

~~~~

A bunch of basic white girls look at us like we are crazy. (Most likely cause we are) and we but out lip trying not to laugh.

I’m full on fucking cringing now.

Damn, those pesky basic white girls we so much better than them because we’re crazy!

I guess the basic white girls found your even-more-hipster coffee shop, better go to the strange man in the dark alleyway who sells ‘human poop’ coffee beans, I’m sure they won’t find you there.

What the hell does ‘but out lip’ mean? I honestly don’t know what they were trying to say either. I have no fucking idea.

~~~~ Dan invites Reader to go to Dan’s flat. Reader accepts the invite.

I looked at Dan again. (Why did we just switch tenses?) His eyes where (ugh) on phils computer. Looking at what Phil was scrolling though. I bit my lip. Not on purpose I just.. Did it.

I was thinking about what I could compliment about this fanfiction, and I thought that I should mention the author’s ability to stay in the same tense. But no, you blew it. Sorry.

This is where Reader gets really dreamy about Dan, by the way.

Dans perfect his hair.. (Makes perfect sense.) His eyes. His eyes are not even blue they are just so beautiful. His everything. Then his personality. It’s perfect. It’s a mix of so many wonderful things. He is just so..

Great.

Perfect.

I can relate to him too.

I feel in love at first site.

Oh, fuck, just that last line with the janky English and the wrong use of ‘site.’ That’s it, this can’t get any worse from now on.

No, it can. It definitely can.

When I read this, all I can hear is James Veitch reading it to me, like he does with the scam emails and the broken English. If you have no idea what I am talking about, click here.

There’s a three years time skip into the future from now on by the way.

Mentally prepare yourself for this next part.

I think. That’s how I met my boyfriend. “You know.. I feel in love with you at first sight.” I turned over to him. “I did too. And that’s why” he got down on a knee and took something out.

“Will you merry me?” He asked opening the box up to showed a wonderful ring. “Y-yes!” I managed to say and he stood up and kissed me. I kissed him back.

I can’t believe it.

WILL YOU MERRY ME? FUCK. The ‘a’ key isn’t really near the ‘e’ key on a keyboard so I have no idea how you fucked that one up.

The sentence ‘I feel in love with you at first sight.’ makes you sound like English isn’t your mother tongue. And to be honest, it’s fucking hilarious.

That’s the end of it by the way.

~Conclusion:

That was painful.

I'll give credit when it’s due, at least this isn’t the Hat Fic. Who the fuck actually wrote that anyway?

Right.

I suppose it wasn’t the worst, but it was also nowhere near the best. Author, you still need to make some improvements. I give this one shot three Casey Neistat Okay-Hand-Signals out of ten.

On a serious note, I think it’s definitely worth proof-reading, as when you make grammar mistakes it just makes your work look half-arsed.

Try not to use scenarios that wouldn’t happen in real life, otherwise, you might just become the early Review Movie World of fanfiction. (Can you tell I watch Pyro?) I suppose this includes writing about dating and sex if you’ve never dated or had sex before because that can definitely lead to some inaccurate scenes. Not all sex is like porn, horny fourteen-year-olds.

Thanks for reading guys, do feel free to leave me some constructive criticism. (That’s not gonna fucking happen, is it?)

One like = One kid who identifies as an attack helicopter, sent straight to your door.

And yeah, I’ll see you in the next review!

-Pluto

#danisnotonfire #dan howell #dan howell imagine #dan howell one shot #danisnotonfire fanfic #dan howell fanfiction #danisnotonfire fanfiction #danisnotonfire oneshot #danisnotonfire imagine #youtuber one shot #youtuber fanfiction #fanfiction review #fanfiction analysis

0 notes