#you really don’t need the chicken and nuts

[gothhabiba]

oh musakhkhan (to be clear no one spells it like that except for freaks who use words such as “mistransliterated”) is phenomenal btw. I think it might be the best food. like it might be planet Earth’s best food.

[coco-loco-nut]

Mama

pairing: Pierre x reader

summary: Pierre and his annoyed, heavily pregnant, wife

TW: references to spicy activities, pregnancy, cussing, use of French learned via Duolingo and high-school French class from like 4 years ago

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“I regret ever letting your French ass charm me,” you scowl at your husband who picked you up at the train station in London. He had been away for a week, and initially you did miss your husband, but the pregnancy began to really wear on you this week.

“I missed your too, mamour,” Pierre kisses you, taking your bags and placing them in his rental car.

“I should’ve stayed home,” you grumble as he helps you into the car. You missed your French home, the villa was sunny and it wasn’t England, but you promised your sweet husband you would come to Silverstone. He came straight from

Pierre knows you are hurting, the third trimester taking a toll on you, so he doesn’t take any of your words to heart, instead he intends on showing you how much he loves you.

“I wish I were home too,” Pierre squeezes your hand gently once he is in the car. He has been hoping and praying that the baby comes during the summer break, just so he can spend time with you. You hadn’t been to a race since Imola and Monaco and you were able to hide the pregnancy pretty easily with flowy dresses. Despite being pregnant with twins, you didn’t balloon up until right after.

“What would Mrs. Glasly and the Baby Gasly’s like to do first, get to the hotel or get some food?” Pierre asks and you think about it for a second.

“Mmm food. Chicken nuggets and fries, preferably,” you give Pierre puppy dog eyes despite telling him you hated him moments ago.

“There is a McDonald’s in the next town over from Silverstone. I won’t tell if you don’t,” Pierre says, you swear in that moment that you fall in love with him all over again.

“I would never,” you gasp before yawning a little. At this point, you could take a nap anywhere, despite being extremely uncomfortable with the babies dropping. Some luck happened and your thirty-sixth week of pregnancy falls at the very start of summer break.

“Take a nap, chérie, we have about an hour and a half,” Pierre tells you as he pulls out of the parking lot, turning the music on softly. You don’t need to be told twice as you doze off. You don’t even wake up to Pierre ordering a ridiculous amount of food at McDonald’s, you only wake up when he gently shakes your shoulder.

“Mon ange, tu dois te lève,” Pierre says gently, coaxing you awake.

“Mm, mon bonhuer, feed me and take me to bed,” you say sleepily, a sly smile on your face.

“The things you do to me,” Pierre groans, getting out of the car. You carry the food into the hotel from the garage so his trainer can’t yell at him.

“Y/n! How are you doing?” Charles comes up beside you. He knew about the pregnancy, despite Pierre and you keeping it under wraps, only because the both of you attended dinner at the Leclerc’s house during the Monaco GP. It's only natural, you were Pierre's childhood best friend. Charles was Pierre's childhood best friend, you tolerated the both of them.

“How do you think,” you glare at the Monégasque.

“Maman asked me to give you this, and I added a little something too,” Charles says, handing Pierre a bag and kissing your cheek.

“Thank you, Charlot,” Pierre waves to his friend, guiding you to the hotel room.

“Pierre, this is so good,” you practically moan as you eat the nuggets.

“You gotta stop talking like that, you’re driving me nuts,” he groans. You grin, biting into a fry.

“Or what?” your tease, his eyes darken. As soon as you both finish your dinner, he is kissing you.

“Pierre!” you groan, he helps you stand up, moving towards the bed.

"Do you want to do this?" Pierre looks at you with concern.

"Pierre, I am not a glass doll, I am pregnant and horny and I miss your cuddles, and I haven't seen you in weeks. I think you know what I want," you look Pierre in the eyes who is quick to help you into a safe, yet comfortable position. It is safe to say that the two of you missed each other very, very much.

You woke up in the morning, a rare occurrence of sleeping through the night, to your husband's arm wrapped around you, holding you close to him.

"Pierre," you nudge him. He hums, only half awake. "If you don't let me go, I may puke on this bed," you whisper to him. Pierre quickly wakes up and helps you to the bathroom. He had to get up soon anyway for the race.

"You ok?" Pierre continues rubbing your back after you've puked.

"I look like shit, feel like shit, and you watched me puke, I think the answer is no," you groan, resting your head on his shoulder.

"Why don't we shower, then I'll order some breakfast while I get ready?" Pierre offers, helping you undress and get into the shower. Like the gentleman he is, he helps you clean where you can't reach anymore, and in return, you scrub the shampoo into his hair.

The two of you eat quickly and get ready for the day. You both get in a chauffeured car and head to the circuit, you left a little later than usual due to eating breakfast in the hotel instead of in the paddock. Cameras capture the two of you walking in, more like you waddling as Pierre walks with an arm around you. He heads into a strategy meeting while you rest on the couch in his room.

"Apparently social media is blowing up over pictures of us walking in. They may love pregnant you more than I do, and that is nearly impossible," Pierre tells you when he gets back, the F2 race playing quietly in the background.

"I'm glad someone is enjoying it, because I want them out," you groan as they kick you simultaneously. Pierre helps you stand up and wraps his arms around you, hands under your bump. You relax into his chest, letting him take some of the pressure off of your body for a little bit. His touch always seems to calm the babies down.

"I know, just another month, then we will have our precious babies. You are doing incredibly, you will be the best mom," he praises you causing you to blush.

"They will have the coolest daddy," you hum, enjoying the temporary relief.

"Pierre, you gotta do your warm-ups," his trainer knocks on the doorframe. "Y/n, I can help you with some stretches that may provide some relief and better mobility," the trainer offers as Pierre slowly lowers your stomach, trying to ease the weight back. You follow Pierre and his trainer to the weight room. The trainer mainly focuses on helping you, claiming Pierre knew what he was doing, only stepping away when a spotter was required. Apparently, his wife was recently pregnant so he did a lot of research to help her.

"Congratulations, Y/n, you and Pierre will make great parents," despite neither of you particularly caring for Esteban, you thanked him anyway and wished him a good race. Pierre took you on some light strolls across the paddock, frequently being stopped by drivers, before the race where you sat in the garage and watched with his team. Pierre got in the points and you both celebrated by going home to France and sleeping.

By the time summer break rolled around, the nursery was filled with gifts from drivers and teams. Charles was begging the both of you to either name one of your babies after him or name him godfather. He was pleased to learn he was going to be named godfather regardless. A few days into break, your babies decided it was time to meet the world.

"Pierre, car, now," you look at your husband from the passenger seat.

"Charles! I am panicking! Yes, I am getting in the car. Fine you, can talk to y/n while I drive," Pierre says, frazzled, as he drives away from your home, the back seat filled with what you might need, two car seats already installed.

"Hello Charles," you say into the phone, quite amused despite the contractions becoming more frequent.

"Hi y/n, are you ready to meet the two rascals who have been torturing you for months? You will get to be a mom to three babies, god knows Pierre needs his mom right now," Charles laughs, helping to distract you as Pierre flies down roads.

"Mhmm, I'm excited to know the genders if anything. Are you still coming out later this week?" You ask him, the conversation oddly calm.

"I'm getting my plane ready now, I have to be there to meet my godchildren," Charles informs you and you feel another contraction coming on.

"Great, I'll be sure to hold them in for you. I gotta go, see you soon," you laugh through the pain, quickly hanging up. Pierre cut off an impossible amount of time, granted you didn't live too far from the hospital. Pierre is more stressed than you are, it's cute.

After 6 hours of labor, you and Pierre have greeted the most beautiful babies, at least in your eyes. The love of your life has now expanded to include the little bundles.

"Congratulations," Charles says, the first to arrive since you and Pierre didn't live too close to your families.

"Meet your godchildren, Anthoine Romeo and Genevieve Charlie," you smile tiredly at Pierre, who helped you through your labor, even as you screamed some very nasty things at him.

"They are perfect," Charles looks at you, a little teary as he holds Genevieve, "thank you," he says softly.

"We named them after the two people who have always stood beside us," you say, Pierre fascinated by his son. You really were the luckiest woman alive.

[ironunderstands]

Topaz appreciation post because she’s been rotating around my brain like a rotisserie chicken and I need y’all to get her like I do 

Genuinely, I believe her to be the most underrated limited 5 star in the game everything wise, because she is so damn interesting and nobody talks about it ever and it drives me nuts.

So, I’m going to make you understand why exactly I love her and what makes her so amazing in the first place.

Her lore 

Topaz’s lore is rather simple, at least compared to other characters in the game, but simple ≠ bad and her story serves her perfectly.

Long before Topaz was Topaz, she was a girl named Jelena, living in a desolate planet at the edge of the galaxy. The economy of this planet was based around mining and industry, which resulted in her home becoming more and more polluted as time went on. The wildlife almost completely disappeared, people had to wear masks to breathe, and it seemed like her planet was reaching a hopeless, dismal end.

Until the IPC came. They promised to fix everything, and heal her planet of its environment problems, in exchange for every person on the planet signing a contract of indentured servitude to the IPC. Seeing no other way out, Topaz’s home accepted, forever tying her and the rest of the planet to the IPC.

Topaz is was (and still is) incredibly talented and competent, excelling in science, economics, finances, math, etc. Her exceptional talents caused her mentor  and parental figure Dvorski, who works in the Strategic Investment Department to recommend her to Jade, one of his superiors. Presumably, this is how she started her climb up the corporate latter, eventually becoming the Topaz we know and love today. 

Throughout this, she maintained her friendly and headstrong attitude, and never abandoned her love for animals or the people in her life like Dvorski, a trait which will be important for later. 

So, I’ve established the basics, so what makes this interesting?

Topaz’s trauma and how it affects her character 

I feel like a lot of people ignore just how much trauma she really has, and how it affects the way she behaves in the present.

For starters, her love of animals. Sure, Numby is adorable and in general this is a rather fun trait for a character to have, it’s not something you would consider to be a sign of something darker. 

However, remember that Topaz’s planet almost lost all of the life on it, and she witnessed firsthand almost every creature she knew and loved either go extinct or become severely endangered. 

So, when you view her love for animals through this lense, it’s easy to see that she’s so attached to animals because Topaz almost lost them forever, and this trait manifests in a lot of the behavior she exhibits.

According to Topaz herself, her efficiency goes up 27% when Numby is with her, and it seems to be blatantly obvious that being around animals give her at the very least a peace of mind/sense of comfort. I mean in game she is Topaz and Numby for a reason, and her relationship with them is a core part of the way she behaves. When Topaz can’t ground herself, she has Numby to help her with that, which hurts even more considering she is likely going on these missions alone 90% of the time, meaning her literal only friend is a pet/animal. 

Considering Topaz’s biological parents never get mentioned, it’s not hard to assume she is orphaned or at the very least estranged from them, likely due to the disaster on her planet, leaving her only loved ones to be her pets and Dvorski. Losing one half of the only support system she has would be devastating for Topaz, which is likely why she brings Numby everywhere (also considering I don’t think she has mentioned him in the present, her pets might literally be the only things she has left). 

In her own home, Topaz collects a myriad of species from across the galaxy, as if to preserve them so at least even if they disappear on their home planets like hers did, they won’t go extinct entirely. 

Personally, I think her fixation around them cooperating and coexisting also reflects on how she feels about other people. If animals from completely different planets can get along, so can people. If she can convince creatures lacking in intellect work together, then she can do the same for ones that possess it, as ultimately Topaz is a massive people person, and believes what she’s doing is best for the galaxy. 

It’s almost like an experiment, with every little change to their ecosystems, every new organism added, every new abiotic feature taken or removed, Topaz can simulate what that might be like in reality. In a way she wants to take care of humans  like she does her pets, however instead of doing it through her own means, she uses the IPC and her power as a Stoneheart as a vector for that.

But why is she so confident? What makes Topaz wholeheartedly believe that what she’s doing really is the best for the galaxy, even if we know it isn’t perfect, even if only ~80% of the planets she works on are “saved”?

Well, like always, it’s her trauma again.

Imagine you’re living on a planet slowly dying due to its people’s greed and ignorance, in which everything you know and love is falling apart, and absolutely nothing can be done about it. But you don’t need to imagine this, I mean this is a situation we are all going through, as it’s already what’s happening to our planet right now, so perhaps instead picture what it might be like to live here in a few decades if nothing changes. How miserable that would be, how upset you would be at those in power, how disappointed you would be in humanity for doing Nothing when we had so much time and already knew the consequences almost a century in advance (seriously we have known about climate change since like the 50s). 

So you give up hope and accept your fate, accept that everything is going down in flames and the humanity, the planet you know and love is going to be snuffed out forever.

Only to get saved when an outside influence comes to your assistance. Sure, they make everyone sign a contract binding their lives to them, but you wouldn’t have a life to give had they not helped. Besides, you owe it to every other thing that shares your planet with you, every plant, every animal, every organism has been utterly wiped out by human greed, so it’s only fair to pay them back, right? 

I mean it’s your whole world at stake, so how could you say no? How could you deem their terms unreasonable if clearly your own people didn’t deserve the responsibility they had over their own lives? If their situations could only be fixed by giving it to others who could guide them? By giving it to the IPC? The Preservation ?

This is the mindset Topaz grew up on and has known for her entire life. She has seen humanity utterly fail itself and is unwilling to allow that fate to befall others. She doesn’t trust other people to make the right decisions, she doesn’t think they know what’s best for them, because the people she was closest to, her very own people couldn’t do that, so how could she ever expect strangers to do the same? 

How could she ever give the leaders of these planets the benefit of the doubt, knowing that doing that for her own almost caused it to be wiped out completely? How could she see them as anything more than the selfish bastards who ruined everything? How could her heart not ache thinking there were people on the planets she helps who would be doomed to experience the fate that almost fell upon her had Topaz not stepped in. 

How could Topaz feel guilty over the planets that don’t succeed? The ones she can’t save? As after all, she thinks they were lost from the get go? Does it eat her up at night knowing she failed them? That she couldn’t prevent the folly of humanity this time, so the next planet she must work harder, be more stubborn, push back even more, so nobody ever experiences what she did instead?

I mean being an indentured servant hasn’t been that bad for her, she’s succeeded in every endeavor she’s set her mind to after all. Sure, she’s entirely alone, and sure, if the IPC no longer deems her or her people useful, they could cast them aside once again. 

But Topaz is smart, she climbed to the top of the latter, she’s been praised to hell and back, she’s known far and wide through the department for her efficiency and drive, surely she hasn’t done anything wrong?

Sure she’s heard whispers, rumors and projects of other departments, of the deep dark secrets of the company she owes her life too. Inwardly she wonders how those who follow the Preservation would even be willing to commit such atrocities, inwardly she hopes they are just rumors. The IPC saved her planet, so how could they destroy others? 

The Preservation’s power will protect all, will save them from their miserable existences. Nothing else matters in the process, no dissenter understands this as like Topaz does. She will save them, she will protect them, even if it means she is detested by everyone she encounters, it must be done. All for the Amber Lord.

I find it very compelling how despite the fact that Topaz has become a Stoneheart, she is still dressed in the fashion of an average IPC worker. As if she is an equal part of the puzzle as them. Equally useful, equally disposable, equally biased, equally ignorant, and equally foolish. 

I mean, how could she be anyway else?

Her future

Belabog was just as important for Topaz’s development as she was to it.

She was wrong. 

As stubborn as Topaz is, she is not arrogant, and when Bronya proved to her that the people of Belabog can and would fight for their future, Topaz did everything in her power to help them.

As that’s what she really cares about, people. 

I think Topaz the determination she has in Bronya and it shook her to her core. 

Because so far, the only way Topaz has seen real progress is from the hands of the IPC.

But Bronya doesn’t give into them, and she puts everything she has into saving her people. Moreover, Jarilo-VI follows the Preservation as well, but they don’t agree with the IPC’s method of it. 

Is the IPC wrong?

That is the question Topaz is faced with, what is the thing she has to grapple with once she leaves the planet. When they demote her for not getting the debt back immediately, does Topaz wonder why they were so concerned about that in the first place? Shouldn’t they be happy that a world blessed by their very own deity managed to pick itself up without their help? Isn’t that the point?

Does she think back to her previous projects, the planets she saved and the planets she failed, and wonder how it would have worked out without the IPCs involvement? 

Did Aventurine teasing her about “failing” the Jarilo-VI project confuse her, because they were still saved like Topaz wanted them to be in the first place? How could they ever be considered a failure?

She believes debts and payback are what holds planets together, but it only ever seemed to cause Belabog to fall apart.

This is the first time Topaz really is forced to reevaluate her priorities, to question if her methods are justifiable, if she’s really doing the right thing.

Belabog didn’t break her, it didn’t topple her worldview and turn everything on its head, but it did plant some seeds of doubt in her brain, seeds of doubt that will grow into a new mindset. 

HOYOVERSE IF YOU ARE LISTENING HOYOVERSE, GIVE HER THE MENTAL BREAKDOWN + PRIORITY REEVALUATION ARC SHE DESERVES!!! DO THAT AND MY LIFE IS YOURS PLEASE.

Like you don’t get it you don’t get it what do you mean they set all this up and they might not go anywhere with it. Please hoyo please please please let her break away from the IPC’s condition and warped perspective, please let her truly follow the Preservation, please make her turn away from them, please make her an emanator of Preservation after she does this. Topaz stoneheart form, Topaz emanator form. Please please please let her save the crew let her save her subordinates let her save the people she failed previously let her save Aventurine and Ratio let her save Numby let her save herself.

Her instability 

I have already somewhat touched on this in point #3, but Topaz just cannot exist in the state she is now permanently.

Like a radioactive element she’s going to slowly decay over time until she ends up in a more stable form, and who that will hurt in the process, and how long that will take, we will have to see.

Hypocrisy is not something that can exist for long within characters, as due to its inherent contradictions, it messes with the way they are characterized until they are eventually forced to either eliminate it themselves or have the story do it for them.

Topaz is a hypocrite, desiring to do good and help people, but she ends up hurting them in the process. 

However, she has only just begun to realize this, and as more and more of the IPC’s atrocities get revealed, it gets harder and harder for both the audience and her herself to justify her behavior as we witness the extent of their crimes.

So how has she remained this stable for so long?

Well, the IPC has done everything in their power to keep her that way. From a young age she was involved with them, as they not only saved her planet, but her only known parental figure worked in the Strategic Investment Department. Soon, he recommended her to Jade due to Topaz’s exceptional talent, and presumably the other Stoneheart quickly picked her up and took her under her wing, causing Jelena to rise fast within the ranks and become one herself.

The IPC has been Topaz’s only frame of reference for how things should be done, her only perspective on write and wrong for so long. The only hints she gets of other points of view are that of the people who destroyed her planet, her own people. Unintentional or not, Topaz has been made to feel her whole life like the IPC are heroes and the common people are foolish and greedy and evil, and only now has that worldview started to crumble piece by piece.

Sure, we have always known how terrible the IPC was, a perception that has only gotten more and more true over time. However, Topaz is not the audience, and in universe the IPC presents themselves in a very positive light.

Think of the Myriad Celestia trailer and how it portrays the IPC; that’s quite literally how they want to be viewed in game, how they market themselves to other people. If Topaz has only ever known them to be that great, shining, progressive company who vows to follow the Preservation and improve the universe, how could even begin to criticize them? After all, she had never known any other perspective. Even when she did fail in the past, Topaz viewed it as a strike on her own record and an unfortunate situation in general, not as a demonstration of the IPC’s misdeeds. 

The IPC is good, the IPC saves people, the IPC follows the Preservation, Topaz is a good person, Topaz does good things, Topaz helps people, Topaz saves people, there is nothing wrong, there won’t ever be anything wrong.

Until Belabog

They don’t want to cooperate with the IPC. To roll over and let themselves be gutted for all they are worth. 

Well that’s fine, that’s happened before, at least that’s how Topaz justifies it to herself. She thinks of their massive debt, it must be paid after all, otherwise how could the galaxy remain stable?

But the weapons the IPC gave Jarilo-VI were never used in its defense. The thing they owe the IPC for never ended up being valuable. Belabog stood on its own, without the help of IPC in its defense.

They saved themselves.

As if it couldn’t get worse, they did it with the power of the Preservation.

And it didn’t come from the IPC, it came from them.

The Interastral Peace Corporation, who claim to be followers of the Preservation, standing against people who really do have their blessing and being proved wrong.

Do you know how that would feel to Topaz.

She’s wrong, and she’s proven wrong by the very deity she claims to follow, she believes she follows.

So Topaz makes her choice.

Stick with the IPC’s plan, or stand with the people of Belabog 

And she stands with them.

Topaz’s character never changes. I hate when people act like she switched up on them and changed her whole worldview, but in reality that was the most in character thing Topaz has ever done in her entire life.

Because she cares about people, so when the opportunity presents itself, she will always stand with them. 

This is the first time Topaz goes against the IPC’s wishes, and it won’t be the last.

She made her choice, she demonstrated who and what she truly cares about, and that will only drive a wedge between her and the IPC further and further until she snaps.

I find it funny how Topaz is a fire type character, when the song core to Belabog’s themes is “Wildfire” 

However, maybe it isn’t just about them. I think it’s about the Preservation, about what the game in general is trying to tell its players.

How fighting for your right to exist will hurt, but it is not impossible, and that pain will be the only way to enact change.

Well, Topaz,

you made your choice

go fight against your fate 

Thank you so much for reading! I really enjoyed making this and I hope you at least understand why I think Topaz is such a compelling character. I need an arc centered on her in the future and if I don’t get one then trust me things will be dealt with. She will get her just desserts.

[hemipenal-system]

aww, what’s the matter? why are you crying?

you’re scared? what of, morsel?

me? why are you scared of me? you asked me to hold you in my mouth until we got somewhere warmer, and my mouth is plenty warm…

don’t worry about me, morsel… i’m your friend, i would never eat you… at least not permanently.

hey, hey, no, don’t worry! i said i wouldn't hurt you and i meant it!

come out? i'm sorry, morsel, i can't let you out yet! it's so cold out here you'd practically freeze to death if i let you out! besides, all that saliva you're soaked with now... it'd just make you colder. i think it's best if i just hold on to you for now.

besides, i think you're enjoying this more than you want to admit to me.

oh, come on. you think i can't feel how you squirm when i curl my tongue along your back? how you grab onto my teeth desperately when i curl it over you and scrape the rough side against your bare legs?

you know, my tongue was designed with a purpose. every part of a creature as beautiful as me is. those hard keratin spikes you enjoy so much? they’re meant to grind against bigger creatures than you, shearing flesh from bone and slathering what’s left in enzyme-loaded saliva that begins to melt you down to bone shadows even before you’re swallowed…

oh, no, not for you. you’re very small, small enough i could swallow you whole. you’d like it more that way, wouldn’t you? alive and conscious for the whole thing?

yes, morsel, i know why you were so eager to climb into my mouth- and i know it’s not fear of heights like you claimed. we may be a mile above the ground with only my wings and internal fire to sustain us, but my blood runs through me everywhere and my claws would have been more than warm enough to keep you safe from the biting cold at this altitude.

don’t worry, this is what you’re supposed to want. you’re from a prey species. sure, we have peace treaties now and you have enough weapons to fend us off now, but for millennia that’s how it went! you ran, you got pinned down, you struggled, and then we tore you limb from limb, reveling in the blood and adrenaline of a meal well hunted…

you don’t have to be embarrassed, morsel! you’re allowed to want me to devour you! i know you find me attractive – in the same way a mouse finds a cat attractive, of course. you’ve always had an affinity for dragons. i’ve seen how you look at the other riders who’re more… open about what they do with their mounts. you can tell me those things, you know.

i told you, i’m not going to let you out! it’s not safe for you at this height or temperature!

yes, obviously i've thought about doing this to you. never seriously, but... enough. humans make wonderful prey... your gentle struggling because you're intelligent enough to trust us and know we won't really hurt you even if we draw a bit of blood... it's very different than tearing the horns off a deer and swallowing it whole, you know.

i've eaten your kind before, you know. i wasn't always so... docile. your nomad convoys made such wonderful buffets: chicken, beef, pork, human – and you always had such wonderful fruits and spices in those little covered wagons of yours! i enjoyed cracking them open like nuts, devouring everything inside.

no, you're not nutritious at all. your meat is really stringy. the terrified shaking and pleading is tantalizing, though...

what do you mean, "what are you doing?" all this talk about food is making me hungry. i'm just savoring your taste is all. you're like one of those hard candies you humans buy from the market to suck on, except warm and salty and savory and-

i could swallow you. it'd be so easy.

no, no, not digest you. stop writhing like that – or continue if you want. it feels nice. i'd just swallow you and hold you in my first stomach for a while. think of it as a warm, damp, dark hug from me. no pain, no flesh itching and melting off, just a gentle squeeze.

hold still, morsel. i need to reposition you a bit is all. that's right, legs like that, arms go that way - yes, exactly! now don't move.

yes, i know it's a bit tight. my prey is a bit more chewed, usually. stop complaining about it or i'll pull you back up and bite you into small pieces so you'll fit better. is that what you want?

there. is that comfortable? i can adjust a bit if you want. hey, no, stop squirming. you're not going to die. that is not stomach acid. if you don't stop panicking i'm going to have to squeeze to hold you still.

i told you. i'm very much stronger than you. stop trying to push out. you're going to sit in there whether you like it or not, morsel.

stop calling you that? why should i? you're literally in my stomach. are you not food, at least for the moment?

don't even tempt me. i am hungry.

just go to sleep or something. we're going to be in the air for a while. if you stop wiggling around in there i'll let you out when i land. i know how soothing it is to be in there. i was a hatchling once too, you know.

i can literally feel you relaxing as my crop massages you. you're yawning. don't even lie to me.

good night, morsel...

[harlowtales]

Jack gets carried away shopping for baby clothes 👶🏼🤰🏽

18+ only - Adult Themes

“1,2,3….and open your eyes!” Jack said. He was standing behind you with his hands on your eyes.

You didn’t know what to say at first. You were stunned.

“Babe?” Jack said concerned you didn’t like it.

You turned to bury your face in his stomach and just started bawling.

“Ah it’s ok baby. You’re just emotional, but you like it?” Jack asked.

“Yes of course!! It’s beautiful. Our baby girl is so lucky. I’m so lucky to have you.” You gushed wiping your tears.

You were holding pups who barked in approval.

Jack, his friends and brother had built a playroom/nursery for the baby from scratch. Jack’s dad being in construction led the project. Jack wanted to do something personal for his daughter coming soon. The top decorator in the South was flown in and put the finishing touches on everything. The room was so off limits you stayed with Jack’s family until it was done.

“So this was worth not being allowed in my house!” You said playfully hitting him.

“Cuz you can’t not look baby. I had to do something.” Jack said happily.

“Well now you know what we need to do?” You asked your husband rubbing your belly.

“Anything you want babe.” Jack said

“We need to shop for baby clothes.” You said, not really sure he’d want to come with you.

“Oh fuck yeah let’s go right now.” Jack said enthusiastically.

“Really? Now?” You said in surprise. Jack hated the mall.

“Babe now cuz I gotta hit the studio in a bit and I want to be in on this. I want in on absolutely everything to do with this.” Jack said “Let’s head to Target now.”

“OMG babe look.” Jack said “Cutest little jumper it’s a must have.” He said putting it in the cart immediately.

You couldn’t believe this was the same man who refused to stay in any store for more than 15mins before sighing, checking his phone constantly, and begging to go somewhere else while you browsed.

“And look this matches the jumper perfectly. Our little princess has to have the best fits on the playground.” Jack said determined.

“Hunny chill out a bit. The cart is half full already and I’m sure we’ll get designer clothes as gifts.” You cautioned.

“Um yeah but who can deny this jean skirt?” Jack said putting yet another item in the cart.

“Ok sir that’ll be $8,556.22 cents” The cashier said with a straight face not recognizing Jack at all.

“Oh my god.” You said under your breath. For a quick run to Target for some outfits in case the baby showed up tomorrow this was insane. Jack picked out some toys for the playroom, stuff for bath time, accessories, shoes, jewelry, purses and backpacks, a mini car when you lived in a condo, and another stroller he liked better because she’s “gonna have to flex on all those mofos at play group.” You just watched him go nuts and stayed silent, smiling and nodding approval for whatever next thing he was sure was needed as soon as she arrived.

“Do you need carry out sir?” The cashier said dryly

“All this can’t fit in the jeep baby.” You said to your husband. “We’ll have delivery.” You said

“Jackman.” You said sweetly to him placing a caring hand on his thigh in the jeep. “We have to talk about spending on this child.”

“I’m rich as shit and we don’t spend a lot on us. What am I working for?” He said annoyed. You were a major buzz kill.

“Ok sorry babe just added up quickly is all.” You said gently. This whole process Jack had been pretty calm. At times you felt he didn’t care much but he was tired trying to wrap up projects for when the baby came. “Probably just nerves” You thought.

“K so is my little princess hungry?” Jack said to your tummy. It was clear you were coming in second to “the princess” already.

“Yes WE want fried chicken and ice cream.” You said rubbing your belly tiredly. “Jack had worn you out in the store. Now you know how he felt going shopping with you.

@itsyagirljaz @ride4harlow @okaaay-mice

[dullgecko]

I realise I’ve been sending you a bunch of fig centric ones so have another that includes all the bad kids

Riz will eat anything and I mean anything like he’s eaten vegetables that were like 70% mould before and didn’t notice anything wrong. At worst he ate a rocks in a bet with Fabian and didn’t even have any adverse effects.

Gorgug can eat most things meat based as long as there not to out of date but when he ate raw chicken in front of the bad kids for the first time it gave all the bad kids a scare apart from Riz who thought it was completely normal.

Pre archdevil fig could eat more than the normal human but not by a huge amount but loved spicy things and you could not find a spice on the mortal plane that she could not tolerate.

Post archdevil is a different story all together now all mortal spices don’t even register as spicy and she has to start getting them from hell. Fig is altogether a good cook due to Sandra Lynn teaching her. So the first time she cooks with this new spices she literally nearly kills riz who’s nose is very sensitive to spices. she has since been banned from cooking spicy foods for other people as the stronger “hell spices” could knock out a normal human

Adaine and Fabian have mostly normal palettes but Fabian swears he can eat more spicy foods than fig and has had to have Kristen heal him on more than one occasion.

Kristen needs to be very careful when cooking because if she adds to much or corn a spiteful Helio will animate it. Though Helio also has issues if she puts not corn in her foods.

Riz and his mom both have mythril stomachs, and given how food-insecure they've been since his dad died he /hates/ wasting food. Goblins dont need to or even want to eat full meals every day but when they do they try to pack away as MUCH as possible. When he got really hungry as a kid he'd even dumpster dive outside their appartment because he didnt want to worry his mom by asking for more food and basically any food scraps he found in there were still good by goblin standards. Its also how he developed his crippling coffee habit, if he gets really hungry he's able to supress his appetite somewhat with it.

He can eat basically anything as long as its not poisonous, and has the jaw strength and tooth sharpness to grind down rocks into powder. Stale bread, bones, shells and even straight up wood don't stand a chance. He does have to be a little more careful about what plants he eats now though because he kept consuming things that he was allergic to and made his allergy reactions worse.

He's not eating random half-rotten or mouldy food as often now though because while at school he gets MOST of his meals from the caffeteria rather than at home because its free. He's less likely to injest something he shouldnt accidentally but just in case he does his whole party is primed and ready to dose him with his allergy meds if he starts developing hives.

----------------------

Gorgug and Riz sometimes have hangouts at the Thistlespring tree where they spend the whole time wilding out a little and ripping into raw meat with their bare hands and teeth (meat provided by Wilma and Digby after Lydia had a word with them about Gorgugs eating habits). Its fun and it satisfies a primal part of their brains to just go nuts on a fresh chunk of animal flesh. When with the other kids they'll, begrudgingly, eat their chicken and fish properly cooked though just because it makes some of them gag.

The other bad kids have caught both of them, on more than one occasion, licking blood off their hands after a particularly brutal fight. Gorgug slightly less often than Riz because he's using an ax, but the goblin if disarmed or unable to swing his sword will resort to biting and clawing. Everyone but Gorgug was initialy grossed out (What the FUCK the ball spit it out you dont know where they've been) but they got used to it eventually. They've started to develop a ranking system, based on taste, of the various creatures Riz has chomped on.

---------------------

Fig and Riz are spicy-food buddies, but ONLY if the spicyness itself is from chillis. Riz cant feel the heat from capsasium but he enjoys the taste, whereas Fig loves it for how hot it is so they'll often split some questionably edible mega-hot curries when they order takeaway. Fabian tried a bite once and was coughing and crying for hours afterwards (the second bite he took on a dare required healing afterwards).

Once she starts integrating more exotic spices into her meals is where the problem starts. Riz can finally TASTE the spicyness and he's of the opinion that she's insane if thats what she feels when she eats chilli. Fig accidentally tear-gassed him once by using a spice that, once she did some research, they worked out was a straight up goblin repellant. He walked into the kitchen as she took the lid off a pan full of chilli and immediatly had a coughing fit so bad they were worried they'd have to call an ambulance (he was fine after a while, he just had to sit outside on the lawn in the fresh air until his sinus stopped stinging and his eyes stopped watering... he may have also gotten Adaine to dump a full bottle of milk on his face).

----------------------

Its a delicate balancing act for Kristen trying to make things without what she's cooking become sentient and hostile. Luckily it seems to only be isolated to things that get heated up, so she's safe making sandwiches and salads, but anything that requires the use of the oven or pans needs a quick dusting of cornflower to appease Helio or there are consequences.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Unsolicited 24

Warnings: bad self-thought/talk, bullying, insults, low self-esteem, money problems, oral/noncon, coercion, cum, some untagged sexual and dark elements.

Wouldn’t mind some feedback! Lloyd was driving me nuts so I had to do it. Thank you in advance 💜

Masterlist

A loud, even tempo snoring draws you from your sleep. You’re cramped and uncomfortable, drowsy as your rest was less than peaceful. More dreams plagued the last hours of the night and the body against yours kept you uneasy.

You turn onto your back slowly, Lloyd’s arm sliding off you as he grumbles on his sides. Still naked. You sit up and rub your eyes with the heels of your hands. You’re careful not to jostle too much, hoping to savour the last moments before he wakes. You know that sobriety will not welcome him back kindly.

You shimmy out of the bed and dress cautiously, watching the bed as you pull on a pair of leggings and a loose tee. Fuck the heels, fuck the dresses. Let him be a fucking asshole.

You go downstairs and pick up the vacuum from where you left it, replacing it on the charger. You go into the kitchen and set up the machine to brew coffee. It might appease him if he makes it down. You pour yourself a cup as you go over the daily roster. Not much urgent, you do your job well and the house is too big for its occupants.

You sit in the bay window that looks out behind the house and sip. You should leave. Get your chickens in a row and find a way out. Lloyd got to you when everything was dire but it was never impossible. You can’t live like this forever. He’ll get bored soon.

You finish your coffee and rinse your cup in the sink. As you shut off the faucet, a groan floats in the air, bare feet slapping on the floor. You turn as Lloyd enters groggily, shading his eyes as he wears the short pink robe he supplied among the skimpy wardrobe.

His eyes are slits as he crosses the kitchen and murmurs gibberish. He’s hung over. You can tell by the vein pulsing in his forehead and the way he moves as if stuck in mud. You pull down a mug and the click of the cupboard makes him flinch. He finally looks at you, a sneer curling his lip.

“Coffee,” he demands.

You fill the cup and slide it over to him. You watch him curiously. Almost eagerly. Doesn’t he realise?

“Why was I in your bed?” He asks as he raises the cup, inhaling it with a sigh. He lifts it and presses the hot porcelain to his forehead.

“You got lost,” you cross your arms and lean into the corner of the counter, “you don’t remember… anything?”

“Don’t fucking start,” he warns, “I got carried away on the jet.”

“Oh, seems like. You do like your whiskey.”

“Watch that lip,” he warns as he finally takes a sip. He purrs at the taste, “you’re lucky you can make a good cup of coffee–” he wipes his upper lip and pauses. His eyes widen and he feels with his fingertips, frantic as he traces below his nose, “what the fuck?”

He slams the cup down and the dark brew sloshes over the sides and onto the counter. You don’t move as he storms out and you hear him snarling under his breath. You glance over with dread as you wait. Nothing you can do or that he can undo.

“What the fuck?!” He hollers louder and clamours back to the archway, gripping the wall as he stands at the threshold, “what did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything, Lloyd.”

“I wouldn’t– what the fuck happened?”

You shake your head. You should tell him what a fool he made of himself but you know he won’t listen. And if he did, he wouldn’t believe you. You hardly believe it yourself.

“I don’t know. You just did it. You were pretty loaded.”

“And you didn’t stop me?”

“I didn’t know you were going to do it. To be honest, you really weren’t yourself. You’re lucky I kept you from walking out into traffic.”

“Shut up! Shut up!” He winces at his own volume, “you’re fucking lying to me.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Fix your tone,” he jabs his finger towards you, crossing the tiles as he comes to pen you in at the crook of the counter, “I don’t need your bullshit today.”

“I dealt with yours all night,” you reproach, “don’t see me whining about it. In fact, I made you coffee and I cleaned up after your drunken antics. So please,” you pat his chest, “daddy,” you pout mockingly, “take some Advil and suck it up.”

His irises glimmer and nostrils flare. His gaze falls down to the loose grey tee and flicks back up. “The fuck are you wearing?”

“What I want–”

“You know the rules–”

“They were in my dresser. I put them on–”

“Why are you being a little bitch?”

“Not what you said last night,” you snap and quickly seal your lips in regret.

“What? What does that mean?”

You shake your head and look away, “nothing. I’ll change.”

“No, what? I said something? To you? You said it yourself, I was drunk.”

“Mhmm, exactly,” you squirm, “so let’s forget it. I’ll go put on a thong and mop the floors.”

He scowls and pushes himself away from you. He swipes his hand across his forehead in exasperation and picks up his dripping mug. He leaves you without a word. After a moment, you follow in his path. He’s in the entryway, standing by the front door, his phone in hand as he swipes with his thumb.

You ignore him and go to the stairs. He doesn’t seem to notice as you flee to the second floor. You go into the bedroom and slide open the closet. You may as well play along until you have a real plan. A way out.

You pull out a lacy red dress without a single ounce of modesty. You lay it out on the bed and take off your tee shirt. You hear him on the staircase but don’t turn around. You pull on the sheath and tug down the leggings. As you stand straight, he comes to the doorway, looming behind you.

“You must think it’s fucking hilarious,” he sneers.

“What?”

“You know why I was fucking drinking?”

“Lloyd, I don’t care,” you face him, “it’s fine. So what?”

“I was drinking because of you,” he snips as he turns the phone to you, the image of him wandering down the hallway and stopping at your bedroom door, “because I got some other guy’s wife sleeping in the guest bed and giving me guff. Like she’s my wife when I told her–” he whips the phone past you, “that I don’t want to hear it. That her only value to me,” he grabs your chin as he nears, “is whatever hole I feel like stretching.”

“I didn’t do anything. I took care of your dumb ass–”

“Excuse me? I already told you once. I don’t like the tongue. Not when it’s not licking my balls.”

You grimace but say nothing else. You’ve pushed him too far already. He backs you up, a step at the time, until you hit the bed. He stops and he snarls at you.

“You think I owe you cause you kept me from choking on my own puke? Think again.”

“No.”

“Better yet, you needa stop thinking and just—” he searches your face, “bend over.”

You can’t help but wince. It’s not what he said, he’s said it a million times before. It’s the sheer malice in his tone. An echo of the nightmares that haunted you through the night. 

You reach up to wrap your fingers around his wrist and pull his hand away from your face. You bite down and glare at him defiantly. You push his arm down and swallow.

“I get it,” you say as you trace the hem of the short dress, “you got it, daddy. You want a hole,” you turn away from him as you lift the skirt, “take your pick.”

You bend forward, bracing the bed as you stare at the twisted blankets. You grit your teeth as he huffs. You wait. And wait. And wait. He slaps your ass and you yelp. He drags his hand away and scoffs.

“I’m not in the fucking mood,” he snips as he retreats, “I need bacon, now.”

You gulp and listen to his hasty footfalls. You stand and adjust your skirt. Just like you expected. The same old jackass.

[angel-of-the-moons]

A Rose Under The Moon

Moon Knight System (Marc/Jake/Steven) x Fem!Reader

TW/CW: Pet death, grief

A/N: Yeah I cried writing this btw. I love cats so much and like this shit hurted :'D

Taglist: @bad4amficideas @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @shirukitsune @lokisremainingsanity @mundivagantsoul @furblrwurblr @zoleea-exultant @latenightcravingz @daygirl26 @thelastemzy @leahnicole1219 @marsmallow433 @crazyunsexycool

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Chapter 8:

Everybody Loves Cats!

It was a full day after Puck made her miraculous reappearance, and you were delighted for her sweet fluffy company. She was such a cuddly little bed partner, and whenever the stress of the day became too much, she knew exactly what you needed.

She would roll over and show her belly, stick her tongue out at you with her eyes as large as saucers, or do… that weird thing cats do where they’re chill one second and just hurl themselves off into who-knows-what and it never failed to make you smile and cheer you up. Puck was more than content to receive chin scratches and some of her chicken-flavored dreamies that she went nuts for.

Oh, and her mouse stuffed with catnip. She adored that little thing. She would carry it around and make little noises with it (when she wasn’t sitting in the windows chirping at birds) and bat it around like she was playing her own private sports-game. Ah, cats.

They always had a way of making you feel close to your parents; your dad in particular. He always had cats around, as long as you can remember. You remember seeing his eyes light up when he would bring home a fresh little stray after he brought them home.

Your father had a particular soft spot for elderly cats. As a little girl, you once asked him, “Daddy, why don’t you ever get kittens? They like to play! Old kitties just sleep.”

You remember him smiling as he pet one of the said elderly cats, Cleo, he named her. She was a large, fluffy monstrosity who seemed to eat up snuggles like you saw squirrels eat acorns.

He gave you a look that had infinite depths of patience for your little girl questions; and chuckled. “Well, honey. You have to think of it from their point of view.”

Cleo stretched her paws up to his shoulder and bumped her head against his jaw with a tone-deaf purr.

“A lot of people abandon their older pets in favor of new ones.” He held up a finger as he educated you. “For example, say one family wanted to gift their son or daughter a cat for Christmas, but they already had one. That cat was older, couldn’t keep up, and had no teeth and the child just didn’t engage with that cat as much as they used to. So… they take their old cat to a shelter and leave them so they can get a newer or younger cat. Just to do it again when the same situation arises… or worse.”

“What could be badder than that?” You asked, already feeling sad for the metaphorical cat your dad was speaking about.

“Some people are extra mean to their pets.” Your father sighed, stroking Cleo’s fur as she turned in his lap, rubbing her whole body against his belly as he twisted his desk chair to fully face you. “Some people, who are like that, will take their kitties and just… leave them somewhere. So they get lost and can’t find their way home.”

“That’s so mean!” You whined, already feeling tears of frustration at such a mean thought. Were people really that mean to their kitties? And their puppies?

Your dad nods with a soft hum, smiling softly as Cleo leans into your face, sniffing you. Her creamy orange fur begging to be touched, you give in and sink your short, pudgy fingers into her soft fur, giggling when she made a loud “mrrp” noise and leaned into your touch.

“Someone did the same thing to Cleo, y’know?” He says to you quietly. “They were mean. They taped her up in a box and just left her by a dumpster.”

You gasped, offended; because Cleo was a good kitty! Why would anyone do that to Cleo? Yeah she was silly and didn’t play very much, but she was nice! She liked kisses, and even stranger, she liked to hop in the shower with your dad! Kitties don’t normally like water!

“But why?” You ask, your tiny voice squeaking with emotion as Cleo happily cuddled into your awkward pets.

“I don’t know. Maybe they got a new cat and didn’t want her. Or maybe the partner of somebody didn’t want her around. Or… they’re just not a nice person, honey. We just don’t know.” He sighed deeply, looking down at you with a saddened expression. He hated having to explain others’ cruelty to you. You shouldn't be so exposed to these things, but… it was better than lying to you. And that hurt him worse.

“But. It worked out in Cleo’s favor.” He smiled again at you as you leaned into his lap, tipping your head forward with a giggle as Cleo headbutted you softly, rubbing her fluffy cheek on yours.

“She’s got us, she’s got a belly full of food, and a nice cuddly home.”

“Is that why we have Chester, too?” You asked him.

Your dad nodded, looking over at the black cat who slept soundly in the windowsill, his fur almost glowing orange as the sun’s rays hit him. He wasn’t as old as Cleo, but he was getting up there in kitty years. “Yeah. We especially love black cats, okay? They’re very special because people are mean to them, too.”

You frowned up at him. “But why?”

“Some people consider them bad luck, or evil. So people hurt them… or just abandon them, like Cleo. Somebody left Chester in his carrier outside the pound. They were…” His mouth twisted as he tried to think of a way to explain what was going to happen to one of his furry companions. You were so young, you shouldn’t have to grasp the concept of death, but he had to find a way to explain it.

“They were going to put him to sleep if nobody adopted him.”

“But why? He can sleep by himselfs.” You retort.

You dad rests his hand on the top of your head, a pained smile on his face at your innocence.

“Putting an animals to sleep means…” He sighed. “They go to sleep forever. They don’t get to wake up again.”

“But don’t they get hungry? Chester always wakes up when he’s hungry…”

“They don’t feel anything anymore. They just get sleepy, fall asleep… and don’t wake up.” Cleo hopped onto your father’s desk, casually batting his mouse off the pad so she could sit on it for whatever reason as your father scooped you up and pulled you into his lap.

“But why?” You ask again.

Oh, the endless who’s, what’s, and why’s of a learning mind. He loved talking to you, but it was hard to, on this subject.

“Do you remember when your grandma passed away? When we had to put her in the casket and in the ground?” He slowly asked.

“Yeah…” You frowned, clinging to his shirt. You barely remembered it. You were little when it happened. Sure, you weren’t that much older, now. You were a whole eight years old, now. Grandma passed away when you were four.

“You remember how I told you she couldn’t come back?”

“Yeah…”

“It’s like that. Only for pets. And it’s not… it’s not natural.”

“But why do they have to do it? Why can’t they find homes?” You ask, looking up at him with watery eyes.

That almost happened to Chester? Chester was your best friend, he snuggled you to sleep every night, gave you kisses with his scratchy tongue, would sit on the bathroom counter when you took a bath… and would sometimes help you sneak snacks when you weren’t supposed to.

“Some places can’t afford to take care of an animal for a long time. Or, if the animal is very sick and won’t get better, it’s the more humane option instead of just leaving them in a cage.” He says gently, rubbing your back. “Or… if they’re old. Like Chester and Cleo.”

“I don’t like that.” You say stubbornly.

“I know, baby.” He chuckles softly. “So, now do you understand? Why we love old kitties?”

“Yeah! Just cuz they don’t do the flippies that the kittens do doesn’t make ‘em boring.” You pout. “And they don’t bite.”

“Some of them do.” Your dad reminds you with a chuckle.

You watch as Cleo licks her paws, a rather happy and content look on her face as her fluffy tail flicks around. Suddenly, another question pops into your head.

“Daddy, why do you like kitties so much?” You ask, reaching out to scratch Cleo on her chin, earning a happy noise from her.

“Well, it’s just… in the family, kiddo. My mom always had cats, my grandma always had cats… your great auntie, Ellen, she has cats.” He chuckled. “I don’t know why so much as I just do. Always have. And now, I adopt older cats so they can live their old fluffy lives in peace.”

“Yeah… okay.” You say, satisfied with that answer.

“And remember what I said, Lil’ Bit?” Your father asked, pulling a book from the edge of his desk. On the cover of this book, there were pictures of a thing that looked like an alligator, there was a kitty, and pictures of different kinds of fish on it. You can make out a few words, "Myths and Beliefs".

He flipped the pages until it opened to a page with pictures of different kinds of cats, including…

“Daddy!” You gasp, pointing at the book. “That’s a kitty mummy!”

Your father chuckles. “Yeah, the ancient Egyptians believed cats to be protectors and good luck charms. They would even dress their cats in jewelry. The reason that cat was mummified was probably because their owner wanted their pet to come with them to the afterlife.” His finger scans the page to a highlighted passage.

“Some of them believed that their gods could inhabit cats and other animals to check in on humans.”

“That’s weird.” You pout stubbornly, not understanding.

Your father, ever the patient man, laughed softly as he kissed the crown of your head. “Maybe so. But I like to think that owners loved their pets so much, that their pets are probably happy and waiting for them to meet them in the afterlife later.”

“...So will I see Cleo one day?” You asked.

The moment the words left your mouth, your father felt his heart lurch in his chest. He certainly didn’t expect that question to come out of your mouth. The weight of it almost knocked him out of his chair, if it weren't for your weight grounding him, he would have. He couldn’t even fathom being in a world without you, he didn’t dare imagine what it would be like to lose you.

But… he couldn’t leave your question unanswered.

“Yeah. One day, in a very long time. I’m sure Cleo, when she’s there, will be waiting for more scratches. Chester too. So remember, even if they pass away… you’ll see them again. It’ll just take a while.”

“What are my two favorite scholars discussing today?” Your mother’s voice rang out as she kicked the snow off her boots and set them in front of the fireplace to dry.

You slid off your dad’s lap and ran to your mom as she put her coat on the peg by the door. She turned and caught you mid-leap and spun you around, planting ice-cold kisses all over your face, leaving her bright red lipstick marks in their wake.

“So! What were you two talking about?” She hummed, walking over to your dad as she balanced you on her hip.

Your father adjusted his glasses and set the book down, leaning up to give your mother a sweet kiss.

“Oh, you know. Just about cats and the afterlife.” He grinned.

“Oh, but of course!” Your mother snorted. “A totally normal and reasonable topic for a child to learn about at eight years old.”

“Mommy!” You say, tugging her sweater impatiently.

“Yes, my love?” Your mother smiled down at you, her smeared lipstick at the corner of her lips. The rest of it was currently on you and four father’s faces and lips.

“Did you know that ‘gyptians mummied kitties?” You say, bouncing as you explained. “Oh! And–and that they gave ‘em fancy necklaces?”

“Why, yes. I did know about that. But why don’t you give me a refresher course while your dad and I start making dinner?” She hummed.

“Okay!” You chirped, hopping back down onto the floor, stopping to pet Chester as he slowly sidled up next to you, his sleek black tail wrapping around your small leg as he looked up at you, giving you a very slow blink.

“And daddy said I can see Chester and Cleo one day in the aff–after–afterlife, too!” You stumble the words out innocently as Chester walks with you into the kitchen.

“Oh… did he, now.” Your mother said, squinting as she slowly turned her head to look at your father.

You didn’t hear the rough swallow he made, but he definitely flushed and tugged at his shirt collar awkwardly.

“Ah.. well… you see...”

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You sighed nostalgically as the memory finished playing out. You gently held the book in your hands as you remembered that day. It was the very same book your father had read to you that day. Newer, and less-used of course, but it was still the same one.

God, you remembered how sad you were when Cleo died. You were only ten years old when she passed. You’d come home from school to your dad, his eyes red and puffy, holding onto you tight as your mother spoke to you softly, telling you that Cleo had “left”. You knew what that meant. You remember telling your dad what he told you, about seeing them again one day, and that seemed to make him smile at last.

But when Chester died? Oh, how that broke your heart. You had just turned sixteen, three days after your birthday, to be precise. You were sitting in your bed, legs crossed as you read your textbooks and jotted down notes for your schoolwork.

You didn’t think twice when Chester curled up next to you, purring as he closed his eyes.

You were so engrossed in your work, that you didn’t notice when he stopped purring. You only realized something was amiss when you reached down to pet him, only to find him still. Deathly still... but still warm.

You panicked and tried to wake him up, before shouting for your parents. Nothing could have been done. Chester decided to spend his last breaths snuggling you in your bed, his favorite cuddle spot. He wanted you to know that he loved you that much.

You were beside yourself for months. Until one day, on your walk home, you found a little cat. Small, but not a kitten; she was very malnourished and flea-infested. Solid black, just like Chester.

She was snuggled up tight against an old mailbox, shivering and wet from the rain, meowing in such a heartbreaking tone. You scooped her up on instinct and whisked her home.

You’d named her Nibbles. On account that she liked to nibble on people’s shoelaces.

You had Nibbles for several more years, until she passed away from feline leukemia, just before you moved to London. You loved her well, and she was with you when you lost your parents, comforting you when you were at your lowest.

You swallowed the lump in your chest and sucked in a breath as you put the book back into place on the shelf. You didn’t even notice your eyes were filling with tears until your vision blurred, and when you blinked, fat tears rolled down your cheeks.

Puck sat at your feet, a paw on your shoe and meowed up at you questioningly.

You sniffed hard and scooped up the furry little critter, nuzzling into her fur as you tried to push the feelings of grief away.

Puck leaned up and licked your salty tears, her tongue scraping your skin in a comforting way as she purred unusually loudly.

It takes a few minutes and you finally smile, kissing Puck on her tiny furry forehead. “I needed that. Thanks, you fluffy little terrorist.”

Puck purred happily and hopped out of your arms, satisfied at her job well-done and scampered off to the front of the store as the front door’s bell rang.

You take a deep breath and make sure your face is clean of any evidence of your tears and headed up front to see a young man, looking around curiously.

“Hi! Welcome to Here Today Books!” You chirp, “What can I help you with, today?”

“Um…” He says awkwardly. “I’m looking for a book.”

You can’t help but chuckle, hands on your hips. “That checks out!” You joke playfully.

“Oh! I… right.” He says, rubbing the back of his neck shyly. Aw, was he blushing? “I’m… I’m studying and, uhm…”

“Well, I have plenty of textbooks on a myriad of subjects. You looking for anything in particular?” You ask him politely.

He nods twice, “Yeah, um. It’s… for a history course. My professor told us to pick a civilization to write an essay on. And, it’s kind of hard to find the books on the subject I need because of the topics…”

You smile politely and wait for him to finish. Something about this young man told you he was painfully shy, and didn’t like much social interaction. Not unlike Marc, but he carried himself with a few degrees more of anxiety and social awkwardness than Steven did.

“Er…” He floundered.

“Let me guess… it’s ancient Egypt, isn’t it?” You grin.

“H-How’d you know?” He said, blinking at you.

“I have a friend who’s obsessed with it. I know quite a bit about it, myself. Is there a specific topic in particular you want to start with?”

He nods eagerly, “Yeah! Uh, I wouldn’t mind stuff on their myths, legends, and religions, if you got them?”

“Sure! I’ll just be a minute. Go on ahead and wait up front by the counter, for me.” You hum, turning to disappear into the depths of your shop.

He didn’t go stand by the counter, he just awkwardly stared at Puck, who looked at him from her cozy sweater-nest, looking at him through slitted pupils as the tip of her tail thrashed.

🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒

You came back to see the man looking through random clearance books and upon noticing you, he smiled widely.

“Are those it?” He asked, gesturing to the two books in your arms.

“Yep!” You chirp, walking behind the counter. “Will these work?”

He slowly walks up to the counter, eyeing Puck nervously. “Uh–yeah. Definitely.”

“Perfect… that’ll be… ten pounds.” You say, typing it all in on the register.

The young man fishes out the notes and all too quickly shoves them into your waiting hand. He still hadn’t taken his eyes off Puck, whose fur was beginning to bristle as she stared at the man.

“Okie dokie. Come back anytime. I got plenty of books like this just gathering dust.” You chuckle, putting his “new” books into a canvas bag and handing it over to him.

His sleeve rolled up and you noticed a mark on his forearm. It was strange, but not the strangest you’ve ever seen. It looked almost like a–

Your thoughts were interrupted when Puck lunged at him, hissing and spitting, swiping her paws at him with claws fully out and open, her tail puffed out and stiff.

You gasp in shock. “Puck! Bad girl!”

You panic; trying to reach for Puck as the man frantically pulls away, now sporting a red scratch to the back of his hand.

“I’m so sorry! She’s not normally… She never does this!” You apologize profusely, afraid of the ramifications a complaint could bring should he report this little “incident”. Sure, it was minor, but if he was the type to make a big something out of nothing…

“It–It’s okay.” He says quickly, stepping away. “Cats don’t normally l-like me, for some reason…”

Puck thrashed in your arms, leaving small welts in your arms as she growled lowly in her little chest, staring at the man, her usually sweet and docile eyes full of malice.

“Puck!” You wince, trying to calm her down. “Stop! What’s gotten into you?”

The man scurries out of your shop finally, and Puck starts to calm down in your arms.

It takes a few minutes until the black ball of rage begins to settle, and you set her back onto the counter.

Her ears pin back and her eyes get large as she looks up at you, seemingly full of guilt at what she’d unintentionally done to you.

Her little nose touches the scratches she left on your arms and you sigh; “They’re just scratches, Puck… I know you didn’t mean it.”

You rub her chin to help ease her poor feelings at scratching her human. “Okay, okay… I forgive you. But no dreamies for you tonight, missy!”

Puck leaps off the counter, slinking off into the shadows of your shop and you're left with throbbing injuries to tend to with your tiny first-aid kit. You just couldn’t figure out why Puck was so upset about that guy. He mentioned cats didn’t like him, but why? You’ve never met a cat that didn’t like you.

What was his deal?

🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒

Elsewhere, in their flat, Marc winced and dropped his glass of water, the ceramic shattering on the floor, making Layla jump.

“Gah! Marc! What’s wrong?” She asked him, carefully avoiding the broken glass as she moved closer.

“My fucking…” He groaned, looking down at his arms. He was wearing a simple cotton t-shirt today, so it left his thick forearms fully visible. “My arms! I don’t know!”

And Layla certainly saw the thin red marks up and down his arms. She clamped her jaw shut.

Oh, she knew all right. He just wasn’t ready to know.

Not yet, as Taweret told her.

Not yet.

🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒

Chapter 9: Link

[ceilingfan5]

go around

@taznovembercelebration "super au" and "silly"

“Man,” Taako sighs, as quietly as possible. “This is the second time I’ve been a hostage this month.” He’s not tied up this time, at least, but he’s sitting in the back hallway of the bank and regretting his choice of errands today. The guy next to him nods. 

“You too, huh?” He’s pretty, and goth, very serious-with-a-side-of-secretly-goofy, and Taako wants to crack him like a nut. Shame they’re busy waiting for the supervillain of the week to either get got or get his private island and fourteen pounds of gummy worms, or fucking whatever. “It’s ridiculous. They need to spend less money on making flashy superheroes and more on just–security, infrastructure, safety, you know, mental health initiatives-”

“Or maybe we need to break down and be supervillains ourselves.” Taako shrugs, with an I’m JOKING I PROMISE…unless? Air about him. He’s sick of it. 

“Really?” Handsome asks, laughing a little. 

“Really,” Taako says, still kind of joking, but also kind of not joking. “Taako can barely get his errands done when there’s no Captain Backwards Lightning Man in the way, you know? It’s enough to make a guy wanna destroy some well-placed props.”

Handsome laughs. 

“You’re Taako, I take it?”

“In the flesh, skele-fellow. You?”

“Kravitz,” Kravitz says, and then, “Probably. If I’m going to be a villain, you don’t know that, and I’ll have to erase your memories, or something.”

“Or we could be a team,” Taako teases. “We could be the only ones who knew each other’s secret identities. You could come over for chicken alfredo, I could go to yours for game night, little bit of blackmail to keep things spicy-”

Kravitz laughs, and covers his mouth, but it must not be too loud, or maybe the gummy worm accords are going sour, because nothing comes of it except an embarrassing amount of affection from Taako. 

“I wish I had a power worth doing anything drastic about,” he admits, looking at Taako for comiseration or approval or something else that might lead to romance. 

“Yeah? Cha boi’s in the same boat, so keep paddling. Dumber supers have done worse.”

“Really? I mean- about your power, I remember, uh, Pickle Monster.”

“Who could forget.” Taako shakes his head solemnly. “Yeah, no, I can read minds, but only if it’s food related.”

“Seriously?” Kravitz grins. “I love specific powers, but that sort of thing drives me nuts in practice. Like- surely the universe could have been kinder?”

“Would it ever stoop so low?” Taako snorts. “No, seriously, try me.”

“Okay,” Kravitz says, screwing up his nose in the cutest stinking way Taako has ever seen. “What was my dinner last night?”

Taako looks him directly in the eye, feels that weird connection he gets with people sometimes, the sort of way that makes him sweaty and lonely. He steps right into Kravitz’s doorway, looks around his home, wonders if there’s more than meets the eye. Surely. It’s welcoming enough, maybe just because Kravitz is inviting him in, in this moment. Much less of a trespass than it usually is. 

He watches the memory unfold, and feels fond over this dork, who looks so business goth put together on the outside. 

“You air-fryered tater tot nachos,” Taako says, and Kravitz blinks, surprised, and Taako’s shunted right back out. 

“Really? You really got that much?”

“Oh, honey-nugget, I got more than that, I’m just trying to-”

“How much do you get?”

Taako grimaces. 

“Pretty much everything, especially if emotions are, uh, involved? You- uh. You poured frozen tater tots in the air fryer, dropped one on your bare foot and started bleeding, went to put a pokemon bandaid on it, and when it beeped for you to turn the food, and you tried to test one, because your timing was off because the package didn’t have air fryer instructions, you dropped it on your other bare foot and burnt it.” 

Kravitz’s mouth drops open. 

“Sorry?” Taako says, even sweatier. “You opened the door, kemosabe.” 

“Right,” Kravitz says, with a conspicuous glance at his shiny boy shoes. 

“I wasn’t trying to intrude,”

“No, I, get it, I, could have picked something else.” Kravitz clears his throat and loosens his black-on-black rose patterned tie. “Mine isn’t nearly as interesting.”

“Seriously?” Taako snorts. “Maybe you have an eight foot vertical leap, or your snot is acid.” 

“Is acid snot better than mind reading?”

“Dog, everything’s better than mind reading, do you know how fucking loud the world is all the goddamn time?”

“Touché.” Kravitz glances at the noise from the bank lobby, but nothing seems to come of it. He shifts his feet, looking at them again. “I mean, they were good tater tots.”

“Sometimes food that hurts fucks harder.” 

“So true?” Kravitz laughs. “I wish I had super healing, or super-not-being-a-dumbass, but, you know,”

“Man, if I was super-not-a-dumbass, I really could take over the world. Watch out, Townsville! Pew pew!” 

Kravitz looks at him with some kind of goopy eye disease that could be confused for fondness, if you were stupid, like Taako. 

“I just- so, see, I have this knife?”

“Yeah?” Taako looks him over for said knife, which he does not manage to produce. “Taken, was it?”

“Mhm,” Kravitz sighs, glancing at the lobby again. Some loud discussion is going on, between the somebody of police and TToday’s Evil Baddoer. “I can cut these little rifts with it, nothing huge, because it’s just a big fancy pocket knife, but I can store stuff in there, which is kind of neat. One time I climbed through and found myself somewhere else, but it was really difficult, on account of the small blade and all.”

“Yeah?” Taako’s heart pounds. “Seriously? Does it have to be the one knife?”

Kravitz pauses, and then turns to him directly. 

“I’ve only done it with the one knife, I guess. And a grapefruit spoon.” 

“What if-”

“Oh my god.”

“Hear me out-”

“Oh my god.”

Taako casts about for literally any kind of blade, fucking at all. There’s a letter opener that looks like a sword on the Mortgage Guy’s desk, and Taako checks out Super Badguy in the lobby, and then slowly, painfully, starts sneaking his way toward it. Kravitz chews his fingernails behind him, and truly fourteen thousand ice ages later, Taako returns, and hams up presenting the letter opener to Kravitz.

Kravitz stares at it, and hestiates. 

“What’s the worst that could happen?”

“It doesn’t work and you’re mad at me,” Kravitz admits, painfully honest. 

“What if it does work?”

“I’d take you out for dinner,” Kravitz admits, fully focused on the silver blade. 

“What kind?”

“Any sort of food you’d like?” And Taako steps into his mind one more time, slips in through the door, and finds himself in a nice restaurant across from Kravitz in a cute dark purple button up, slut that he is, one button open, just a hint, just a peek, and they kiss over the dessert, which costs way too much for crème brûlée, but Taako won’t tell him that, no sir.

And he zhoops right back out. 

“You have to do it,” he says, a little breathless. Kravitz looks at him, alarmed, and back at the letter opener, whcih he finally takes. He moves it around in the air, getting a feel for it, and then SWIPES–

And a flickering, dark tear in reality appears. Kravitz covers a gasp, Taako doesn’t, and certainly they’ll be spotted soon, but Kravitz tears and rips and hacks into the rip in the universe, and once he gets it big enough, tears at it with his hands, and then gets a knee in there, and there’s a sickening non-sound as it widens ever so slowly, achingly, and Taako watches with deep, embarrassing affection as Kravitz manages to clamber through, looking like an absolute idiot, and turns and reaches an arm out for Taako.

Fucking ROMANCE. 

“I’ve, gotta-”

“We’ll go around and help from the other side, Taako,” Kravitz promises. “It’ll just be way easier if I get literally anything sharper.” 

“Oh,” Taako says, relieved. And he jumps into Kravitz’s arms, because he has the chance, and it’d be more embarrassing if he didn’t take it. 

Any kisses between the jumping and the rescuing are off the record, and also private. So there. 

[id: gameboard with 15 spaces, 1-6 taken up with stickers of a cat, fish, "good worker", door, dragon, and "kapow"]

[lover-sy]

WHAT I DO WHEN I’M ON MY PERIOD

୨☕️୧

Hi, hii! Today’s post isn’t random because I started my period yesterday and I also got sick so my energy is really drained and I want to share a few tips to maybe help some of you! ( this is the 2nd time I’m writing this so I’m a bit annoyed )

— HYDRATION : you gotta drink A LOT of water during your period. Hydration is already so important as it is but during your period it’s 10x more important

— TEA : first of all shoutout to all my tea girlies. Then, I love drinking tea ( without caffeine!) because it not only makes my cramps better because of the warmth and since i often drink peppermint and ginger ( which is really good during your period ) but i also just convince myself that tea will make me feel better so it does. ( it’a all about the mindset )

— POSITIVITY : I always try to see the good in things which also includes my period. As i told SOME PEOPLE I imagine it as the blood of my enemies.. not i’m kidding. I just tell myself that I can grow a whole human and that it’s gonna be over soon. This isn’t temporary so I shouldn’t complain because I can’t change anything about it by complaining ( I tell myself that with a lot of things. Complaining never helps )

— EATING : I try to get as many vitamins in as possible with veggies, fruits and nuts but fish and chicken is also very good for you!

— VITAMINS/SUPPLEMENTS : i only eat chicken as meat so i’m deficient in a lot of vitamins so i have to take a lot of the most important one during your period is magnesium. Even if you eat a lot of food containing magnesium ( mostly nuts ) you should consider taking some magnesium supplements

— REST : this is the key to not passing out in this week of suffering. Sleep a lot and limit your physical activity ( I’m sorry to my athletes out there. ), instead of going to the gym and doing heavy workouts stay in bed and read a nice book or do chores around the house ( also has you moving )

— MOVE : very contradictory but yoga and a bit of walking can never do harm, i love walking during my period because it makes me feel like I did something but it also doesn’t leave me completely drained from all energy.

— WARMTH : tea, warm baths, heating pads and pets ( my cats keep me warm <3 )

— DISTRACTION : this may differ from person to person but I need a lot of distraction especially when I’m just laying around in bed so I usually read a very captivating book to focus 100% and forget about the pain.

— PEOPLE : I stay in my dark room and when I’m in school talk less because I’m worried that I’ll snap at people but I usually tell my friends that I’m on my period or they figure so there isn’t any misunderstandings

— REMINDERS : you can’t do anything about the fact that you get periods, they’re normal and you shouldn’t feel ashamed about them. People who make you feel that way about them are childish. You weight may vary so don’t panic! ( i don’t weight myself during my period because it’s not my real weight so it’s of no use! ). Your energy is already low so try to stay calm and not waste it on unnecessary things or people. Drama can wait for when you’re ovulating.

[arpmemething2]

Full House Sentence Starters

Send one for my muse’s reaction.  Feel free to change pronouns as needed.

"Gee, your hair smells like melon. What are you using?"

"Why thank you!"

"Don’t say it if you don’t mean it."

"No way, Jose!"

"She signed up for Shop Class cause she thought it was taught at the mall."

"We have this thing here in America called a restraining order"

“I guess we’re not as old as we thought we were, are we now”

"You don't have to be hip and cool. You're spick and span."

"I hope you're not offended. But if you are, that's her father over there."

"Darling, I just hope you are alright. But if you are alright, I'll kill you."

"You got it, dude."

"The baby's sleeping like a baby."

" Did ya get the triple chocolate with pink frosting in the shape of a clown's face with a big cherry-red nose? Did ya, did ya, DID YA?"

"I'm just cleaning my rubber gloves."

"She had the most incredible hypnotic eyes, the face of an angel, the most amazing body."

"You got a bad attitude."

"I can't have chicken pox, I'm immune."

"That's not a big problem. A big problem is like... well... if your butt fell off."

"You've been in toon-town for 2 days. Now, start acting like a human being."

"Cut. It. Out!"

"Talk to me."

"You're immune to common sense."

"Disco will never die."

"Shame on you!"

"Duh!"

"You should take a drive through a car wash without your car."

"I'm stuck in a room full of eggheads. They're worse than eggheads, they're omelette-heads!"

"Well, pin a rose on your nose."

"Oh, puh-lease!"

"How rude!"

"Don't shake your head. Your story's read. It's time for bed. To bed, I said."

"I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you... Only you're not joining in."

"Jail break!"

"Now you can have ice cream and chocolate milk, no cookies."

"Elvis never made one golf movie."

"Boy, this is gonna be a fun night."

"Tell me something I don’t know!"

"This kid has been walking for three days and you haven't stopped taping her. I'll feel sorry for her when she starts potty training."

"She was choking on a bad piece of cheese, so I gave her the Hoover maneuver and sucked it out of her."

"'Sorry.' 'Sorry.' 'Sorry' doesn't change the fact that my chicken tetrazzini is ruined!"

"I had a traumatic experience with squash once. I ate one."

"Aw, nuts!"

"Have mercy!"

"You gotta be kidding."

"A telescope that can only see your face?"

"I think you're a little mixed up."

"We never clean at my house. We move in, trash the place for five years, then move out."

"Yeah, well I bet you won't be getting surprised tonight."

"You can't buy my vote... but you can rent it for an hour."

"I’ll stay home and watch public television."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Whoa, Baby!"

"Am I the raddest, baddest dad a kid ever had?"

"Oh, mylanta!"

"I tried, and I failed. I'm just glad I figured this out now, and not when I'm 46."

"Hey, you had your adventure and now I'm going to have mine"

"Watch the hair!"

"You. Are. Not. Welcome!"

"I am stoked! Whatever that means."

"Who wants white meat? Scratch the white meat. We have dark meat and really dark meat."

"You have the brain of a paramecium."

"I am not and I'm telling you said that."

"Hey, I thought we were going out for ice cream."

"I need that cake!"

"You’re in big trouble, mister."

"You can keep the drums, but the sticks have got to go."

"Like on 'Oprah!' People married to two people at the same time… oh my god, They are a botanist!"

"Happy birthday to me!"

"That’s not funny."

“I will never die”

[rayshippouuchiha]

diagonal knit blanket for my sis! original pattern wasn’t working out (too busy, didn’t play well with the colors) so had to start over. but i like this better anyway, it stripes prettier and is very easy to zone out with while watching youtube or tv. blankets are soothing to make, because they’re big enough to challenge me, but also useful, and depending on the pattern, can also hold my interest.

This is baby blanket #3. It’s being made with acrylic mini skeins that were a christmas gift. pattern is Cambrie by wool and stitch. I’ve got a light-dark-light-dark thing going, which is coming out nicely. don’t know for sure if i’ll use all the skeins since i’m nowhere near the length needed, but if nothing else i’ll go until i’m satisfied.

baby blankets 1&2! (ignore the terrible lighting) they were supposed to be for a coworker that was having twins, but then she left before i was done, and i couldn’t reach her at the number she gave me, then the other one i had didn’t work, and i never got a response, so they ended up going to a cousin of mine that recently had a baby. my aunt is gonna pass them along for me, so i’m just happy they’ll get used. these were done last year, i think i finished that brown and gray one in…November? or October. (side note, i am NEVER doing an 8-row pattern for a blanket again jfc it took FOREVER). brown and gray is garter rib, blue and white is eeny meenie minie mo, the aforementioned 8-row, which drove me nuts because i still think my stitch count was off somewhere, or there was an issue with the pattern. X_X both were done in cotton. still pleased with how they came out since they were my first ever baby blankets. :D

this wacky thing is also diagonal knit, but with chunky chenille yarn (also a christmas gift). why i decided to make it diagonal knit as well, i don’t know. it’s a side project that gets worked on whenever i’m in the mood to fiddle with it. will probably give it to my aunt as she does not have a blanket from me yet.

my stepdad’s blanket! also done in acrylic, it took 5 cakes of caron super bulky. pattern is called bamboo, even though you can’t really see it in the pic. this was finished literally 2 months ago, and i almost ran out of yarn, but had enough to finish the border. i won yarn chicken, juuuust barely.

my mom’s blanket! i finished that one last year too. I don’t remember if I showed this one or not. I did not make a finishing border because i wasn’t paying attention, so i had just enough yarn to bind off. i used the caron anniversary cake for it. frigging huge thing of yarn.  remember kids, always keep track of your rows! pattern is broken rib. and yes, when i finished both blankets, i literally left them on their chairs for my mom/stepdad to find in the morning.now, i haven’t forgotten about your blanket. in fact i recently got the needles and a couple skeins of yarn for it. did a test run of the pattern, and now i mostly just need to figure out how many stitches to cast on for proper width, and then how many more skeins i will need altogether. it took me forever to actually DECIDE what to use, because my initial yarn pick never seemed to have the right colors in stock, and my other choices just didn’t seem right. :/ but i’ll need to get 2 more skeins in the right colors, and go from there. i’ll be using lion brand hometown, which is also considered super bulky/chunky. once i have everything, i’ll start fiddling with it and share progress.

[michaels-office-hours]

What if Dogday was best friends with Catnap, and was maybe having feelings of “is there more?” (Catnap definitely was, but was too nervous to make a move) But Dogday is so “everyone is my buddy” coded, that he didn’t wanna mess up their friendship by saying anything.

And what if Craftycorn was Dogday’s blatant crush? Like… “oh crap you’re cute… HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN STARING?!” Kinda crush. He doesn’t really know her that well because of it even. Cause anytime he tries to talk to her it just comes out as

Dogday: H-hi! I’m- Dog. You- you

Craftycorn: Yes, I’m Craftycorn. We work together, live together, and have been doing this for at least a year. You don’t have to keep introducing yourself. *rolls eyes and walks away sassily

Dogday: Y-yeah. Hehe. I’m Dogday. She talked to me.

Catnap: You ok man?

Dogday: hehehe. She said we work together.

Catnap: … you need help man.

And then when the Hour of Joy happened? Most of the smiling friends went with Dogday. (I think Bobby Bearhug went with Catnap though. And got left behind cause they couldn’t keep up.And Bubbabubaphant died in the chaos on one side of the other. Not sure which. Leaning towards Catnap) Tempers flared because tension was so high you could cut it with a knife. Kickin Chicken and Hoppy Hopscotch went off to try to help kids get out, and never came back. Making things worse. Craftycorn then betrayed the whole group when she realized Piggy Piggy was eating more than her share. Craftycorn went absolutely nuts, getting a full monster form like Catnap and everything. So Dogday watched as kids, smaller toys, and nearly himself, were killed by yet another of his friends. Before Catnap, hearing the commotion, came to end things.

Craftycorn didn’t last long. Already wounded from the other toys fighting back before they were trampled and skewered on her horn. Catnap toyed with her, took his time. Got out some aggression since… “He chose YOU.”

When her carcass had finally stopped twitching, Catnap sat back on his haunches to look at the wreckage. See if anyone else was alive. Dogday, around a corner, had watched the whole thing dead silent. Now seeing what all of his friend had become? He couldn’t help it… he choked. Sobbing and retching. Catnap turned and was on him in a flash.

Unlike with Craftycorn, Catnap was fast this time. Too fast for a distraught and surprised Dogday to handle. A searing pain ripped through his torso the second Catnap’s dead eyed face loomed over him. Thankfully he blacked out before much else. Although he did catch the sudden shift in Catnap’s expression. Was that… regret?

Dogday was left hanging for the rest of his life. He didn’t know how long it was. It felt both like a blink, and an eon. Catnap only came by to gloat. And to put him to sleep. That horror filled sleep with nothing but nightmares and pain, where he had legs but couldn’t run. His friends needed him but he didn’t help. Then he’d awaken hours or days later to the lower appendages gone. The pain a constant reminder of the fact he should have used them when he had the chance.

At least he can warn you to do what he should have done. Save those you can save. Help those who are help-able. And when you are met with horrors beyond your comprehension? Or someone beyond hope? Run. RUN!

RUN AWAY NOW!!!

(Anyway those post started as “haha I headcanon bi failure Dogday.” And then… this happened. :D Cause what if everyone he trusted either betrayed him? Or he thinks he betrayed them. Who knows. He might blame himself over Catnap and Craftycorn too. :3)

[emotional-moss]

physical self care tips for folks who don’t have the emotional/physical capacity to do so

disclaimer: these are not going to work for everyone nor are they a cure-all. sometimes you need additional help or sometimes these just aren’t going to work for you. this is not me assuming that every single mentally or physically disabled person is able to do all these. at the lowest points in my life i wasn’t even to get out of bed for days on end and once didn’t brush my teeth for several months. but these help some folks, and that’s all i’m going for!

can’t brush/floss your teeth? mouthwash. mouthwash always. plus you can get it in fun flavors :)

- additionally: are physically capable of brushing/flossing but can’t find the emotional capacity to do so? put on a video/show you like in the background. it helps me !

- oh also you can get toothpaste in fun flavors too if that helps

- you only really need to wash your face like once a day with a fairly gentle soap. like even a bar soap or a diluted hand soap works.

- don’t wanna deal with acne and stuff? pimple patches are your best friend (but wash your face first)

- additionally, acne is normal and common. you don’t have to have “perfect skin” and it’s super rare that people do (and if they do, they most likely invest in a bunch of expensive skincare products and routines).

- don’t/can’t shower? deodorant on stinky/sweaty areas. your armpits, your neck and upper back (trust me on this one), your crotch area, all that stuff.

- or you can just use a washcloth. wet it, put some soap on it, and then rub it on stinky areas. make sure there’s more water on it than soap so that you can wipe it off with a dry washcloth after.

- if you don’t wanna take care of your hair and you don’t need/want to keep it long, buzz it. or just cut it short!

- alternately, if you want/need to keep your hair long but can’t take care of it:

- if you have a looser hair type, run through it every now and then with a brush or your fingers. if you’re able, run through it with your fingers at least a few times a day. running it under water for a little and then gently running through it with your fingers/a comb works as well. also, dry shampoo is your best friend if you’ve got oily hair. if you don’t want to brush/wash it often, keep it in easy to maintain styles like regular braids.

- for black/coiled hair types: i’m not black and have 2c/3a wavy/curly hair so i really don’t know much about this so please do not take this as if i have firsthand experience, this is all internet knowledge/from black peers. i always open to better information, please tell me if you have any! from what i’ve heard and learned black/coiled hair doesn’t need to be washed as much. keeping it short helps because it shrinks easily and means you don’t have to wash/clean it often. but if you want to keep it long, it can get dry easily. separating it into sections and then running through it with a detangling brush helps (a good option is the Spornette DeVille Cushion Paddle Boar Bristle 344). protective hairstyles mean you don’t have to wash it that often as well. 

- some foods may not be healthy but if they’re easy to prepare and leave you sustained for some time, fucking go for it. as long as you don’t have any dietary/medical restrictions regarding them.

- foods like omelettes, oatmeal, microwavable burritos/ramen/etc, peanut butter on toast, tuna sandwiches, frozen chicken nuggets, bag salads, and mixed nuts are all easy to make and/or good sources of vitamins and protein.

- fatness isn’t a bad thing. you don’t need to work out or eat specifically to “stay in shape.”

- but if you do want to work out: i am not a physical therapist, personal trainer, etc. nor do i have much gym experience. listen to your body and consult legitimate medical sources/medical professionals. i am also not physically disabled. i cannot judge what is right for your body; only you and medical professionals can do that.

- remember to warm up and cool down. wear comfortable clothes that make you feel good. drink plenty of water!!!! and listen to what your body is telling you !!! if you experience pain/nausea, it’s time to stop for a bit and there’s no shame in that.

- simple workouts! focus on one specific thing, like flexibility or strength or something. walking/pacing is an easy one if you’re able to do that. listening to music while doing it helps too. - stretches are awesome. yoga is awesome. simple things that increase flexibility and don’t require a lot of physical activity are awesome. just a simple stretch now and then is rad as fuck.

- as always, laziness is a myth. sometimes your mind or your body just doesn’t want to do something and that’s perfectly fine. 

- that’s all i can think of for now i might add more later

[real-total-drama-takes]

Homemade Basil Pesto Recipe

Homemade basil pesto is a wonderfully versatile and tasty sauce/spread made from a handful of flavorful ingredients. It comes together in minutes and tastes worlds better than store-bought because it’s so fresh. (Just like with lemon curd, store-bought pesto is nothing like real, FRESHLY made pesto!)

The uses for pesto are virtually endless, and you can use it in recipes like pesto pizza and pesto shrimp. Or use it as pasta sauce, drizzle it over grilled chicken, eggs, or roasted vegetables, spread it on sandwiches or homemade bread, or even swirl into hummus or minestrone soup.

homemade basil pesto

Today’s homemade basil pesto recipe is my absolute favorite. It’s classic, simple, flavorful, and completely fresh. You’ll appreciate how easily it comes together and that it tastes infinitely better than store-bought versions. Homemade pesto can be a dip, sauce, or spread and pairs wonderfully with so many flavors. Bottom line? Pesto is an easy way to instantly elevate any savory dish.

Originating in Genoa, Italy, pesto was traditionally made by crushing the ingredients with a mortar and pestle. Now it’s typically done with the convenience of electric tools like a food processor or blender. You don’t need to cook it at all, unless you want to roast the garlic first.

This Homemade Basil Pesto Is:

Fresh and flavorful

Incredibly versatile

Ready in minutes

Made with just a few ingredients

Easy to customize with what you have on hand

Extra flavorful with roasted garlic

fresh basil

parmesan cheese, roasted garlic, pine nuts, olive oil, lemon, and basil on countertop.

Key Ingredients You Need & Why

Basil: Fresh basil leaves are the base of this pesto recipe. Rinse and pat dry before using.

Pine Nuts: Pine nuts add structure and a light nutty flavor to the pesto. If I’m having trouble finding pine nuts, sometimes I’ll swap them for walnuts, pistachios, or almonds.

Parmesan Cheese: Fresh parmesan cheese adds a little saltiness and helps the pesto stick together. In place of parmesan (aka parmigiano-reggiano), you can use any Italian-style hard cheese, such as pecorino romano, asiago, or grana padano.

Garlic: It goes without saying that garlic adds incredible flavor to homemade pesto. I urge you to try using roasted garlic because the flavor isn’t as harsh as raw garlic. (Here’s how to roast garlic.)

Olive Oil: Olive oil is the main liquid and helps create a creamy, rich consistency.

Lemon Juice: 1 teaspoon of fresh lemon juice brightens everything up and really helps the other flavors shine. Many recipes don’t call for it, but I highly recommend it.

Salt & Pepper: Both add flavor and you can add them to taste.

Make it your own: For a twist, try adding your favorite herbs like cilantro, mint, or parsley; your favorite spices like cayenne, ground ginger, paprika, or crushed red pepper flakes; or add a dash of your favorite hot sauce.

FAQ: What Can I Use Instead of Basil?

When fresh basil isn’t in season, it can be really pricey or even impossible to find. I like to use kale, spinach, or arugula in its place. You can find the kale variation I like to use in this pesto pasta salad recipe.

FAQ: What Can I Use Instead of Pine Nuts?

Pine nuts can be really expensive, not to mention hard to find! Walnuts, pistachios, and almonds are all great 1:1 substitutes and you can’t really detect a flavor difference in the finished pesto.

For nut-free pesto, try pumpkin seeds, hemp seeds, sunflower seeds, or cooked and cooled edamame.

pesto in food processor

Overview: How to Make Homemade Basil Pesto

Basil pesto comes together in a matter of minutes using a food processor or blender; just a few pulses and you’re done. The ingredients blend together rather easily, so if you don’t have a fancy food processor, don’t worry. It will still taste like pesto and it will still be good. (It’s hard to mess this up.)

Blend the basil, pine nuts, cheese, and garlic together in a food processor or blender. Add the olive oil and pulse/process to blend. Scrape down the sides of the blender bowl, then add the lemon juice, salt, and pepper. Pulse this mixture until everything is blended together and relatively smooth. Taste and add more seasoning and any extra herbs/spices if desired.

Can I double or triple the recipe? Yes, you can easily scale up this recipe if your food processor/blender has the room!

spoonful of homemade basil pesto coming out of a jar.

How to Use Homemade Pesto

If you need inspiration, here are MANY ways you can use this basil pesto:

Pesto Tortellini: Use as a sauce over cooked tortellini with parmesan cheese and fresh diced tomatoes.

Shrimp: Try my creamy pesto shrimp for dinner—it’s super quick!

Pizza: Use it in place of pizza sauce on pizza crust; here is my pesto pizza recipe.

Pesto Bruschetta: Bake slices of a fresh baguette in a 400°F (204°C) oven until golden. Top with pesto, parmesan cheese, and diced fresh tomatoes.

Stuffed Peppers: Use pesto in my sausage stuffed peppers recipe instead of the chicken broth. (Same amount—tastes fantastic.)

Focaccia: Skip the herbed olive oil topping on focaccia (step 8) and spread 1/2 cup of pesto all over the dough instead.

Star Bread: Use my star bread recipe and reduce the amount of sugar in the dough to 1 Tablespoon. Spread 1 heaping Tablespoon of pesto onto each of the 3 circles. (3 Tbsp. total.) Top each with a light layer of shredded cheese, herbs, and/or chopped pepperoni.

Pesto Sandwich: Spread pesto on toasted bread, and add your favorite cheese or meat, greens, and tomato.

Pesto Grilled Cheese: Brush 2 slices of thick-cut crusty bread (like artisan bread) with pesto, add provolone or cheddar cheese, butter the outside of the bread, and cook both sides on a griddle or skillet until golden brown.

Swirl in Soup: Swirl a few spoonfuls into a bowl of minestrone soup.

Hummus: Blend 2 Tablespoons of pesto with parmesan garlic hummus.

As a Dip: Use it as a dip for homemade bread, breadsticks, crackers, or pizza pull apart rolls.

As a Spread: Spread it on olive bread or seeded oat bread.

As a Topping: Drizzle over cooked meats, fish, eggs, chicken meatballs, or roasted vegetables.

slices of pesto pizza made with mozzarella cheese and fresh pesto on top.

creamy pesto shrimp

Pesto pizza & creamy pesto shrimp recipes.

FAQ: How Long Does Homemade Pesto Last?

You can store this basil pesto in a jar or sealable container, then tightly seal and refrigerate for up to 1 week or freeze for up to 2–3 months. Let it thaw at room temperature or in the refrigerator.

To prevent your pesto from browning in the fridge, pour a layer of olive oil on top before tightly covering or sealing the pesto.

You could also freeze the fresh pesto in small amounts, in a greased ice cube tray, and then thaw the amount you need for a recipe when you need it, so you don’t have as much leftover to store in the fridge.

spoonful of homemade basil pesto coming out of a jar.

Easy Homemade Pesto Recipe

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4.9 from 20 reviews

Author: Sally

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Cook Time: 0 minutes

Total Time: 10 minutes

Yield: 1 cup

Description

This is how I make classic basil pesto at home. It’s incredibly simple and flavorful and uses only a handful of fresh ingredients.

Ingredients

2 cups (60g) fresh basil leaves*

1/3 cup (48g) pine nuts*

1/3 cup (25g) freshly grated or shredded parmesan cheese

3 small cloves garlic (roasted garlic or fresh)*

1/3 cup (80ml) olive oil

1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice

1/4 teaspoon salt

freshly ground black pepper, to taste

Cook Mode Prevent your screen from going dark

Instructions

Pulse the basil, pine nuts, cheese, and garlic together in a food processor or blender. Scrape down the sides, then add the oil, lemon juice, and salt. Pulse until everything is blended together and relatively smooth. Add a drizzle more olive oil to thin out, if desired. Taste and add pepper (and/or more salt) if desired. I always add a pinch of pepper.

Store pesto in a jar or sealable container, tightly seal, and refrigerate for up to 1 week.

Notes

Storing & Freezing Instructions: You can store this basil pesto in a jar or sealable container, then tightly seal and refrigerate for up to 1 week. To prevent browning, pour a layer of olive oil on top of the pesto before sealing. Freeze the pesto for up to 2–3 months. You can freeze it in greased ice cube trays and thaw small portions at a time. Let it thaw at room temperature or in the refrigerator.

Special Tools (affiliate links): Food Processor or Blender

Basil or Other Greens: Instead of basil, try other greens like spinach, kale, or arugula. No matter which greens you choose, rinse and pat dry before using.

Nuts: If I’m having trouble finding pine nuts, sometimes I’ll swap them for walnuts, pistachios, or almonds. For a nut-free version, try cooked and cooled edamame, pumpkin seeds, hemp seeds, or sunflower seeds.

Parmesan Cheese: In place of fresh parmesan (aka parmigiano-reggiano), you can use any Italian-style hard cheese, such as pecorino romano, asiago, or grana padano.

Garlic: If you don’t have fresh garlic cloves, use 3 teaspoons minced garlic from the jar.

Other Pesto Variations: Try adding your favorite herbs like cilantro, mint, or parsley. Add your favorite spices like cayenne, ground ginger, paprika, or crushed red pepper flakes. Or add a dash of your favorite hot sauce.

I’m only posting this because it actually sounds kind of good

[brotherlysuggestion]

Hey, for any of my little sibs trying to learn to eat salads/vegetables but running into a lot of unhappiness/failure/sensory issues, I recently started learning to eat veggies after a lifetime of struggling due to autism and sensory issues, and I have some tips that I’ve collected along the way!

Forget all about the “healthiest varieties” or “most nutritional salads” elitism.

A lot of that talk is based on bogus science or half-truths to begin with, but even for anything that’s true, you’re trying to eat in a way that is sustainable for you. You don’t need to be like anybody else. If you like iceberg lettuce, screw the people who say “well that doesn’t have any nutritional value”. It’s fiber and roughage if nothing else! You like a lot of dressing or add ins and people tell you that isn’t a real salad/isn’t a healthy salad? It’s more vegetables than no vegetables! It gets the greens in your body! Do your thing, you don’t deserve guilt (external or internal) for figuring out your own path.

This is about habit forming and breaking bad associations to form better ones.

Think of this as practice! I eat salads nearly daily when available because I genuinely look forward to them now, but I used to want to retch at just the thought of salad. When I used to think of salads, I always thought of being a kid and trying not to gag while forcing sensory hell so that adults wouldn’t get mad at me. It was punishing for me, and it took a lot of gentle work to change that association! So if you hate salads, really try to identify why. Are they bland and tasteless to you? Conversely, are the bitter flavors too strong? Is it a textural thing? Do you have some highly negative experiences with them in the past?

Don’t force yourself to keep trying something you know you hate.

I personally can’t stand a lot of “ultra healthy” salads that have a lot of different textures/flavors mixed in, and years of trying to suffer through salads like that never made me like them more. Back to the first point again, forget about what you’re “supposed” to be eating and eat what you find the least repulsive tbh.

The greens you choose can make a massive difference, so try a lot of different things!

This is especially important if texture or flavor is an issue for you. Personally I find iceberg lettuce the “easiest” because it has a very mild taste. I started out my adventures in learning to eat salad eating EXCLUSIVELY iceberg lettuce. Butter lettuce or romaine (especially romaine hearts) are others that are popular for being pretty palatable, and I’ve come to love them! And you don’t even HAVE to have lettuce! You can have cabbage, beets, carrots, whatever! Pick a vegetable you like and search for salad recipes using it!

Find a dressing you really like and drench that bad boy if you need to!

Some people really like ranch, or poppyseed dressing, or vinaigrettes, or even sweet dressings with honey and fruit! You can use mustard or honey in dressings! Look up different types of salad dressings and try them all out if you want. Personally, I really like zingy dressings like Italian vinaigrettes or blue cheese, but everyone’s different. You can make a lot of dressings at home, too, and if you have the stuff already it can be a cheap way to find what you like. I know dressing freaks some people out, but referencing my very first point again; some salad is way better than no salad. You may even eventually find yourself able to use less and less once you’re more accustomed to eating salad! So use as much as you need, whether it’s just for now or forever.

Toppings! Salads are allowed to be goodies with obstacles!

Use a protein like chicken or fish (I like tuna a lot) or crumbled bacon, use croutons, hummus, little cubes of cheese or shredded cheese, sliced hard boiled eggs, whatever! If there’s vegetables that you know you like, put those in! I love some sliced cucumber or shredded carrots in my salads. Some people do nuts like almonds or cashews in their salads, some people use chickpeas and corn from a can, and if you’re feeling super adventurous you can try some fruit to sweeten things up! If you like variety then mix warm foods and cold foods, creamy textures and crunchy textures! Make it totally your own. Personally, I’ll sometimes eat around my croutons so that once I’ve eaten all of my greens I have a big, crunchy reward. There’s no rules for how you have to eat something!

Conversely, be as simple as you need to be.

If you need to get used to salads by eating just iceberg lettuce and ranch for a while, you don’t need to be embarrassed! You don’t have to throw the kitchen sink at your salad, even if that’s what helps some others! This is about what works for you.

Don’t be afraid to have salad ingredients… not as a salad!

You can make a green smoothie by blending ingredients if texture is your big issue! Or make a fruit smoothie with some spinach or lettuce thrown in to help you ease into it. Or try dicing up some lettuce, cabbage, and a preferred vegetable or two (avocado, bell pepper, tomato, or cucumber would all work!). Drizzle that with a generous amount of dressing or sauce, and you can use it as a chip dip! Tortilla chips work especially well for this. Or maybe make a vegetable wrap in an actual tortilla? Or throw some chopped up vegetables in your next soup. Even if it’s as simple as putting some lettuce, carrots, or tomatoes into a sandwich, that’s awesome too!

Even outside of salads, experiment with texture for vegetables!

You can roast most vegetables on a sheet pan in the oven (or in an air fryer) for a crispy and crunchy experience! Or you can boil or steam them on a stovetop (or in the microwave) to different levels of softness; you can get most vegetables pretty mushy with enough time, if crunchy textures are hard for you! Looking up vegetarian versions of your favorite meat-including dishes can sometimes also offer great ideas for getting different textures out of vegetables! Try everything that you think you might like: grilling, griddling, roasting, steaming, boiling, sautéing, braising, stir frying, and blanching (which also helps reduce bitterness!) are all different methods to look into, and different methods have different results with different vegetables!

Big takeaway…

Be patient and kind with yourself. Working through food aversions is hard. The goal is gently pushing/testing your boundaries and expanding your comfort zone, NOT forcing yourself. Forcing yourself into extreme discomfort, distress, or pain typically only makes aversions worse! So it’s in your best interest to be patient and go as slowly as you need to. Be proud of yourself for trying, and don’t let anyone (including yourself) make you feel shame for doing what you can.

And obligatory disclaimer:

Please don’t get discouraged if none of these tips work for you! This isn’t an exhaustive list, and I’m not any kind of professional. This is just a mix of tips I’ve seen online, and what worked for myself and my own sensory issues, and I’m still learning more about myself all the time! If you’re struggling, there’s still more out there! You can achieve your goals, I believe in you. 💖